#and even if the chance came around and someone was like ''yeah absolutely i'd be fine with that''

[theophagie]

I'm not good at this staying away from social media on purpose thing. Anyway cringe diary time but whenever I'm with my friends and the partners topic comes up I'm left 🧍‍♂️ because oftentimes they lament things that honestly sound good to me... and then I reflect on what kind of relationship I would be comfortable in in general and go "mhhh yeah let's just be sympathetic and say nothing else right"

[petertingle-yipyip]

BABY SAID - MATT MURDOCK

Pairing: matt x reader

Word Count: 1,976

Summary (request): Hey, may I make a Matt x Reader request. Foggy wants to meet Matt's new girlfriend. Foggy and Karen are supposed to meet you at Josie's. (You and Matt have a little plan to annoy Foggy.) You arrive later than the others and walk past the trio, foggy notices you and flirts with you. The idea came to me with the quote // Matt Murdock : How would I even know she's a beautiful woman? Foggy Nelson : I don't know. It's kinda spooky, actually. But if there's a stunning woman with questionable character in the room, Matt Murdock's gonna find her, and Foggy Nelson is gonna suffer.

“Are you sure?” You asked from the car, phone to your ear as you leaned on your steering wheel. “What if they hate me?”

“They won’t hate you.” He laughed. “I’ll make sure they know it was my idea.”

“Yeah, what a great first impression. I look like that girl and you look like a two timer.. You really think they’ll believe you’re a cheater?”

“It’s not gonna be like that.” He laughed again. “I haven’t told them we’re together together. They think it’s just one dates here and there.”

“And you’re positive they’ll think it’s funny?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Probably? Matt!” You whined.

“Sweetheart, I promise, it’ll be okay.”

“Fine.” You huffed and turned the key to shut off the car. “I’ll be in in a minute.”

You dropped your phone to your lap and pulled down your visor to check yourself in the mirror. You seemed put together enough. Hair looked good, makeup fresh. You sighed and slammed the visor up before grabbing your purse and exiting your vehicle. You chirped the alarm and dropped the keys in your purse as you headed into Josie’s.

You scanned the place and found Matt with who you assumed were his friends back at the pool table. You were meeting Matt’s friend for the first time and he had the brilliant idea that morning to pretend that you weren’t his girlfriend. He wanted you to come up and flirt with him to get a reaction from his friends before he would tell them anything. It sounded fun enough earlier, but as you sat at the bar, your stomach twisted into tight knots.

You were absolutely terrified that his friends wouldn’t find it funny. What if they thought you were a homewrecker? What if they didn’t want anything to do with you after that? Your anxious thoughts and tapping on the bar top came to a screeching halt when someone sat next to you.

“Hey.” He said kindly. You jumped slightly and turned your head so quick you thought you’d given yourself whiplash. You recognized him as Matt’s friend, Foggy.

“Hi.” You said carefully. “Any chance you know how to get a drink in this place? Bartender hasn’t even looked this way.” You tried with a nervous smile.

“Oh, yeah!” He grinned, happy to help. “What were you looking to get?”

“Something with bourbon.” You glanced around to find Matt turned towards you with a small smirk. “Probably a double.”

“Easy.” Foggy nodded before successfully waving down the bartender and ordering for you. “I’m Foggy, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.” You smiled kindly as your drink came out. “You seem to know your way around here.”

“Me and my buddies come here all the time.. I'd introduce you but…”

“But?” Your brows raised in interest while you dipped your drink.

“You see that guy over there?” He pointed over your shoulder and you swiveled in your seat to see him point at Matt. “That’s Matt.”

“Why the glasses?” You feigned ignorance.

“He’s blind.”

“Is that why you won’t introduce me?”

“No.” He laughed awkwardly. “No, not at all. See, he has this thing where he just knows when a beautiful woman is around.”

“Ah.” You nodded and turned back to Foggy. “And you think that’d be a problem?”

“Yeah.” He laughed with a nod. “Definitely.”

“Oh c’mon.” You tried with a mischievous smile, the knots in your stomach now loosening due to the liquor. “I think it’d be fun.”

Foggy sighed slightly and ran a hand over his face. You pursed your lips slightly and gave a small lift to your brows to make your eyes a little bigger to silently plead for Foggy to let you. His head dropped as he muttered to himself before he excused himself with the promise of returning.

“This just got interesting.” You mumbled into your glass as you watched Foggy talk to Matt and Karen. He gestured over to you and you sent a small wave in return. When the conversation dragged on, you grabbed your drink and headed over to join them which caused them to aggressively shush each other.

“Please.” You smiled. “Don’t stop on my account.”

“Hi. I’m Karen.” Karen smiled and offered you a hand from the other side of the pool table.

“Nice to meet you.” You grinned and shook her hand. “How do you know these guys?”

“We work together.”

“Cool. What do they do?”

“Lawyers.” Matt spoke up and the smoothness of his voice made your stomach flip. “We actually have our own firm, Nelson and Murdock.”

“Oh, I think I’ve heard of you guys.” You said quickly, as if a sudden realization. “You do a lot of local work, right That’s pretty cool.”

“You think so?” Matt’s brows raised as he gave you a small smirk.

“Yeah, I always thought being a lawyer would be cool but I can’t argue without crying.” You shrugged. “Instead, I just do hobbies and be an EMT.”

“Like a paramedic?” Karen asked.

“On the way.” You nodded. “Few more courses and tests, probably about a year's worth of work, give or take.”

“That’s so cool!”

“Thanks. Are you a lawyer too?”

“Office manager.” She nodded.

“But she does some really great research and investigating.” Foggy chimed in proudly, pointing a finger at his friend. “Don’t sell yourself short, Page.”

She put her hands up in surrender and you both laughed.

“So Ms. EMT, gotta be pretty good with your hands then.” Matt teased and you pushed your tongue against your cheek to block the smile. “For dressing wounds and giving care. That kind of stuff.”

“Y’know, I’ve yet to have a complaint so I gotta be doing something right.” Your head tilted and he grinned. “And you? You a hot shot lawyer or does your friend do it better?”

Matt chuckled slightly and wagged a finger at you before turning away to get his drink from the table. You blew out a small breath of relief before leaning against the pool table, sipping your own drink again. Foggy came up beside you in the meantime.

“Sorry about him.” He said nervously and you saw Matt turn back with an offended expression. You used your free hand to cover your mouth in an effort to hide your smile. “Told you, sixth sense.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment… I think?” You joked and Foggy laughed. “It’s really okay. He seems nice.”

“That’s how it starts.” Foggy sighed. “Next thing you know, he’s smooth taking you back to his apartment.”

“I’ll be careful.” You nodded. “Are you as smooth as him?”

“Lucky for you, I taught him everything he knows.” Foggy grinned. “He’s like my padawan and I’m his Yoda.”

“Jedis.” Your brows raised in interest and Foggy laughed. “I would’ve guessed that one was a sith.” You whispered as if a secret.

“Well he’s Catholic so..”

“Ah.” You nodded. “A vanilla jedi then.”

Foggy laughed and you took a glance at Matt, who was trying to keep his smirk back while crossing his arms over his chest. You tipped your drink towards him as a toast and you saw the way his body language shifted, accepting the challenge you unintentionally laid out.

“Hey, can I steal her for a second?” Karen said, suddenly at your side. “It’s just, there’s some makeup on the collar of her shirt.”

“Oh shit. Really?” You jumped up quickly and set down your drink, tugging your shirt to try and see what she meant.

“Don’t worry, it happens to me all the time. I can help.”

“Thank you.” You sighed and let her pull you into the restroom.

You leaned into the mirror but couldn’t find anything on your shirt. You turned back to Karen in confusion but she was wringing her hands.

“Everything okay?” You asked carefully. “I get the feeling the makeup thing was just a clever excuse.”

“Yeah, no, you’re fine. You look great.” She smiled quickly.

“Thanks… So what’s wrong?”

“Well… I think Matt has a girlfriend.”

“Oh..”

“He hasn’t said anything officially but he’s been on a few dates with her and just has this look after he talks to her on the phone, y’know. Anyways, um, I just… He’s charming, sure, but…”

“Right.” You nodded. “I totally understand. I didn’t mean to overstep. I was just going off what he was doing… Thanks for telling me.”

She nodded quickly before following you back to the boys. You liked that Karen stood up for your unconfirmed relationship. It really showed you could trust her. 

“… Matt Murdock’s gonna find her. And Foggy Nelson’s gonna suffer.” Foggy ranted, not noticing you two had returned. “Besides, what about that girl you’re always calling?”

“Sounds like someone’s committed.” You announced, getting both boys’ attention. “If that’s how you talk to me, I can only imagine how you talk to your special lady friend.”

“I bet you’ll have fun with that thought.” Matt countered smoothly and you flattened your palms against the side of the pool table. His brows raised and he mimicked your stance.

“What would she have to say about that?”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Okay, guys, maybe we-“ Karen tried before looking to Foggy for help while trying to pull you back.

“Dude!” Foggy urged and smacked his friend’s arm. “What are you doing?”

“I’d tone it down, Murdock.” You warned as you reached across for your drink before you straightened. “You’re not being a very good Catholic. Isn’t adultery a sin?”

“Dear God.” Matt mumbled and stood tall, backing away a few steps.

“So, Foggy.” You said when the silence got thick. “How’d you two meet?”

“We met in college. He was my roommate.” Foggy explained, patting his friend on the back. “It’s like we were soulmates.”

“Sounds like your girl’s got some competition.” You laughed. “Does she know how deep this bromance goes?”

“I’d hope so.” Foggy nodded with a small shrug. “But we won’t know till he makes a move.”

“She’s a lucky girl.” You said honestly. “With a guy like that and new friends like you two… What else could a girl want?”

“Y’know, you’re more than welcome to keep joining us.” Foggy offered.

“Yeah, I’d love to be friends.” You grinned and Matt smiled proudly.

After a little while of conversation, the boys were drinking more than you and Karen were. You laughed as Foggy stumbled to the jukebox and sent up five songs that he “just had to dance to”. He grabbed Karen’s hand, which left Matt to come and get yours.

“You like dancing?” He said quietly in your ear as he pulled you against his chest.

“With the right partner.” You answered with the same tone. “I like your friends. Karen’s a real girl’s girl and Foggy’s real nice.”

“Yeah, I think they like you too.”

“And I like how they seem to already know that you’re taken without you saying it.” You smiled and he blushed slightly.  “Are you gonna say it?”

“That you’re my girlfriend?” His brows raised and you hummed in agreement. “I’d scream it from the rooftops if you wanted me to.”

“You would not.” You giggled.

“Mhmm. And if someone asked why, I’d tell them because my baby said so.”

“Your baby?” Foggy asked loudly and his sudden appearance made you jump. “This is the girl?” He nearly yelled.

“Hi.” You waved awkwardly.

“So wait.” Karen laughed slightly. “All that flirting was on purpose?”

“Yeah… But I appreciate you pulling me aside before.” You said honestly.

“Ohmygod?” Foggy continued. “I almost flirted with your girlfriend.” He whispered loudly to Matt.

“Almost?” You questioned with a laugh.

“Here to break it to you, buddy.” Matt deadpanned before breaking into a laugh. “It’s fine. We planned for that.”

“WHAT!?” Foggy yelled and you laughed again.

You were fully confident that you had a good group around you now. 

[halaboyz]

coward, juyeon

classmate! the boyz juyeon x fem! reader fluff wc: 4.5k hallelujah warnings: none that i know of a/n: fake dating aye aye ayeee .... but its nearly not even discussed ;; finally and definitely words are overused

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Girlfriend. I said girlfriend. Everybody, my girlfriend." Juyeon pulls you beside him as he strikes you with his menacingly fake eye smile, trying to get you into the problem he was currently making.

Your eye twitches in confusion, but your head nods anyway as you twist it slowly to look at his mother and friends in front of him, beaming at Juyeon. His mom quickly takes your hand to shake, eyes brightly smiling at you just like how Juyeon's did.

"It's good to finally meet his boyfriend he's been nonstop talking. It came to a point I thought he was only making up a girlfriend in his head," His mom chuckles and Juyeon grunts beside you as he gently takes your hand back to hold.

"Is he being real now?" Eric questions Chanhee, and honestly, no one knows whether he was being real. So you ask him back.

"Yeah, Juyeon, are you being for real now?" You chuckle, questioning him daringly.

"Yeah, real. Absolutely real." He smiles, nose scrunching at you.

Graduation ceremony just ended and photo ops were everywhere, when Juyeon suddenly asks for a picture with you. When leaving, suddenly, his mom was in front of you along with his friends, introducing you as his girlfriend.

"What the hell was that, Juyeon?" You ask, finally getting some alone time by leaving the hall for a moment. "I'm suddenly your girlfriend?"

"Sorry about that," Juyeon chuckles, scratching his head. "My mom kept bugging me for a girlfriend for a few months already, so I thought I'd... pull you just then," He tried reasoning- still unreasonable.

"Are you kidding me, Juyeon? Me? Of all people?" You act as if crying, head pounding with all of his bullshit. "We're not even the closest friends! We've only talked like- how many times, Juyeon?"

"I'm sorry, y/n... But please bear with this for a while, just over the break! And I promise we'll end like nothing even happened,"

After a few minutes of silence, you stared at Juyeon warily before heaving a sigh, finally giving in.

"Just over the break, Juyeon."

"Mom's inviting you over her birthday..." Juyeon starts over the call, and you could hear him walking around as he stated the purpose of the call. "...And properly meet... literally my whole family."

"What the hell?" You helplessly mock cry, rubbing your temples to come up with a plan. "Juyeon, wasn't it enough that you introduced me as a girlfriend? You invite me to family events now?" You ask. "Look, I know all I've been doing the whole week was lie down and catch up with The Umbrella Academy but any of what you're saying is out of my plans!"

"Well, you're my girlfriend after all, so of course she's going to invite you." You don't know if Juyeon's too innocent and pure to even be doing this. All you know was that he really has no ill intentions over the matter. While you're helpless, someone's more helpless than you. Juyeon is. "I can just say you're not over the weekend, y/n."

"It'll be too rude to decline!" You stop him, "...I'll go."

And there you were, standing in front of their porch by a random Saturday afternoon, box of cake in one hand and flowers in the other. You had to elbow the doorbell, shaking at the apparently, first meet the whole family.

"Oh!" Juyeon's bright smile welcomes you once the door opens, setting the glass of wine she's been holding aside to get the things you've been holding. "Is this all for me?"

"Yes, ma'am," You chuckle, accepting a side hug from her. "Happy birthday, ma'am. I hope I'm not bothering your day,"

"You keep saying ma'am- we're family now! You should call me mom too! And don't worry about barging in, I invited you! Let me get Juyeon," She welcomes you in, leading you to the living room but even before she steps away, she turns around to look at you again. "Right! I almost forgot." She smiles, "Thank you for these." She raises both of her hands that now hold what you held, and you smile at her.

"Of course." You stay wandering around the living room, looking at the endless picture frames and you see Juyeon's growth throughout the years.

Although being classmates with him since first year high school, you realize you never really got to interact with him as much. As classmates, yes, but nothing outside of school grounds.

Looking at each picture since being a baby, and then from starting kindergarten, to the recent graduation, a giggle can't help leaving your lips when you realize that Juyeon's eye smile never changed.

"What are you laughing at?" You jump at Juyeon's voice beside your ear, looking at the frame you were last looking. When you whip your head to the side, his face was inches away. You step back due to shock, almost tumbling their vase down. "Sorry, did I scare you?" He giggles, putting his hands in his pants pockets. "You didn't call me so I wasn't able to get the door for you."

After gaining composure, you smile at him.

"I was holding a flower and a cake. You think I can call you in that case?" You pick on him, jokingly glaring. "I can't come empty handed when it's my boyfriend's mom's birthday."

"And for your boyfriend?" He lets out his hands in front of you, ready to receive something. You scoff, smirking. "Well, you came here for me too, didn't you?"

"Oh, I have one." You shake your head, smiling at him. You take his hand to pull closer to you and lower, stealing a quick kiss on his cheek.

Just at the right timing, his mom enters and invites you to the dining table, and you leave Juyeon with a pat in the shoulder and a sneaky smile.

You miss how Juyeon stays in his place for a whole minute, processing what just happened as his ears go red. His cheekbones slowly make its way up, eyes blinking in an abnormal pace as if it made up for the skip of beat of his heart.

"Juyeon, it's time to introduce your girlfriend," Juyeon's mom knocks on the wall to get his attention, and he immediately gets back flat on his feet and hopping to the dining.

He grabs your hand swiftly as you stand before his family, intertwining it and giving you a glance before introducing you.

"Everybody, y/n. My girlfriend. Y/n, my family. Sister, Younger brother, Mom, and Dad." They all smile at you as you give your respects to them, and then melting at Juyeon's warmth as you hide behind his shoulder due to shyness at everyone's eyes on you.

You were definitely, definitely welcomed.

And from that point on, you didn't even feel like you were just a fake girlfriend.

Not until right after eating, no. When suddenly, his younger brother asks you when you started dating.

"My brother always tells me everything! So I was upset when he revealed that he had a girlfriend but didn't tell me before..." He pouts and Juyeon chuckles, mumbling another apology to the poor guy.

Saliva caught up in your throat though, chugging down the whole glass of water trying to think of a good answer. You tried pinching Juyeon's thigh under the table but he only shoos it off, meaning you were on it by yourself only.

"Ah, haha." You tried lighting up the atmosphere. Everybody was waiting for your answer, and you try to come up with the safest one.

"Actually, we just started dating since graduation." You smile, and everybody sits still in silence. "Before the ceremony, I finally agreed after Juyeon pursued me for months," You exaggerate, finally earning chuckles from the family. You silently let out a sigh of relief and continue the conversation. "I'm sorry your brother didn't tell you,"

Because he didn't tell me either.

You glare at Juyeon for a second, smiling in a second once you whipped your head in front.

"What do you like most about my brother? Because I don't see anything someone like you would like from my brother. Definitely out of his league." His sister jokes around, earning a whine from Juyeon and a subtle kick under the table.

And you ponder. It takes you a few minutes because really, this wasn't one of the questions you imagined being asked today, right in front of his family.

"See! She can't even answer!"

You take a glance at Juyeon, and then chuckle.

"I think it's just hard to put into words," You explain, holding Juyeon's hands. Without trying to die out of cringe, you exhale deeply. "I think it was Juyeon's smile that I love most." You smile, turning to his family while letting your hand stay on his. "It never changes. From first year, to now, it's safe to say that Juyeon's smile never changed. And it felt... relieving? Of some kind- to realize that although everything was changing, he wasn't."

Everybody was silent. Their eyes were on you, especially Juyeon. He wasn't expecting any serious answer for he only dragged you into this mess but... now, he's far from regretting the choices he's been making.

"It felt comforting. His presence as a whole too, that I could come and go run to someone that was far from changing. And I could only hope to be the same for him." You tighten your hold on Juyeon's hand, and he was already smiling up to his ears.

The scene made everyone's heart flutter, and although Juyeon's sister almost vomited, she hated to admit it was pleasing to the eye that finally, someone had Juyeon's back.

Meanwhile Juyeon, was dying of cuteness. He wanted to squish you in a tight hug-- although you were definitely just a fake girlfriend, and he has no idea whether you were making that up- it doesn't matter.

He has fallen way too deep.

To be honest, everything he reasoned out to be in this situation was true. Except the fact that he had to run around the large hall room just to look for you and was even ready to beg you to help him out. Turns out, you found him. You. It was you who found him. And coincidentally, was already in front of his mom and his friends.

When you saw him, you weren't really planning on it, were you? But since he was already in front of you, you asked for a picture.

And fast forward- which got you into this mess. Would you even call it a mess?

"Well that was one fine lunch." You whisper, already habitually holding his hand as you made your way to the living room alone with him.

"I enjoyed it." Juyeon chuckles, which makes you whip your head toward him. When you took a seat, you furrowed your eyebrows. Juyeon was continuously smiling at you, which makes you burst out laughing.

"Juyeon, you're overusing your special killer move. Stop smiling, you'll grow on me." You point at him and he... wriggles in place, falling right beside you on the couch.

"I'm sorry you had to go all through that," He starts, grabbing your hand to study. He memorizes how your warmth feels, where your calluses break the softness and smoothness of your skin, and how your fingers are just like the right piece of puzzle to his large fingers to intertwine with.

"Don't worry about it. At the end of it all I had fun," You smile, and you scoot to the side to take a better look at him, looking at your hand.

And you wonder, how come you've never laid your eyes on him?

"Right, my sister is getting married next month, they'd expect me to bring you as my plus one," Juyeon turns to look at you after intertwining your hands, and once again, your faces were only inches apart. "T-that's... if you're, uh, free, of course."

"I'm agreeing only because I liked your family." You chuckle, poking his nose lightly.

"And me?" It almost comes out as a whisper, and you softly smile.

"And you."

"I'm five minutes away," You giggle over the phone, "Sorry, I was stuck in traffic."

"Take your time, I'm waiting patiently," Juyeon chuckles when he senses your panic in your voice, trying to calm you down. He waits by the entrance doors, bidding goodbye once he sees you hopping to the mall.

"Hey, sorry." Juyeon ends the call and buries his phone in his pocket, smiling at you. He gives you a side hug and assures you once again, giving you the small bouquet of tulips he bought prior. "Ooooh Juyeon, what's this for?"

"For our first date." He twirls in place due to embarrassment, while you give him the most cheeky smile you could give.

"Aw! Thank you Juyeon! So much for being a fake girlfriend," You chuckle, and you don't mean to be a party pooper, really.

It was just to... remind the both of you.

You inhale sharply to change the sudden drop of mood, smiling.

"Now, help me find a good outfit for the wedding."

You've been roaming around trying to find the best outfit that fit the garden theme of the wedding, not seeming to find the 'right' one for you.

"You must be tired. We should eat first," You frown apologetically, pulling him beside you to sit.

"I'm okay though," Juyeon worriedly looks at you who seems frustrated, taking your hand to caress.

"I just can't see any dress to my liking," You pout, stomping your feet childishly.

"Should we go drive to another mall?"

"No, it's fine. I've bothered you enough. We can go check one last store and then I'd have to settle with what I can," You explain, pressing your lips to a thin line. "But before that, we should eat."

"What do you want to order?" You ask, turning to him when he's still so busy looking up the menu. You chuckle, initiating to order yours first when you realize the cashier was gawking at Juyeon already. "Sorry, excuse me?" When she still hasn't responded, you groan in annoyance. "Juyeon, baby, you still haven't decided?" You chuckle, pulling him closer.

Juyeon buffers in real life when he hears you say baby, blinking rapidly.

"Huh?" But a smile was forming in his lips. "Baby, sorry. Baby, I'll take the F2 set, baby." See, when Juyeon wants to tease you with your slip of mouth, he tends to overuse it toward you. You roll your eyes, but mirror his smile anyway.

"You were saying what, baby?" Juyeon asks as you take a seat, laughing his heart out.

"My god, I hate you so much," You groan, looking away.

"Oh but do you, really? You hate your baby so much?" He coos, and you push his face away. After letting out a hearty laugh, "Let's go to your last store and pick a dress. The sun's going down. If you want, we can go drive by another mall by tomorrow before the wedding the day after tomorrow."

"It's okay. You should go rest for tomorrow too. I'll pick a dress there in the store," You smile, urging him to go and eat first. "Thank you for going with me, Juyeon. You must be really tired,"

"I told you, I'm okay." He shakes his hand in front of you, and for a second, you suppress the urge to hold his hand. "I enjoyed today and had fun with you."

As you made your way to the last store, he sees your eyes shine at the variety of options presented to you. But one dress appealed the most to you, immediately picking it.

"This is it, Juyeon," You whisper, hands roaming around the peach ankle-length floral sundress that perfectly fit your body. "This is it, Juyeon!" You jump out of the dressing room, showing him the dress and twirling in place in happiness.

Juyeon admires. It was the first time you had shown him any of the dresses you have tried on, and "God, you're beautiful." was the only thing that could come out of his mouth.

God, you were really, very, so beautiful.

You chuckle shyly, looking around when Juyeon only looks at you with such heart eyes.

"I'll go change back now, I'll take this," You blabber, skipping back to the dressing room. After one last look at yourself, you smile satisfyingly.

Juyeon is only brought back to reality when you're out of sight, and only realizes he was holding back his breath when he releases a long sigh.

Oh he just can't wait to see you again in that dress.

And his reaction doesn't really change when he sees you walking down the stairs of your porch, all ready to go with a sweet smile on your face.

"Beautiful." He says when he takes your hand to assist you, holding the passenger seat's door open.

"Not so bad yourself, baby." You scrunch your nose, taking a seat and eyes following Juyeon outside until he finally settled beside you.

"Ready?" He asks, and when he sees you smile, he finally starts the car.

And actually, time flies by fast when you're with Juyeon. The car ride was fast and fun, and it didn't occur to you until now that you and Juyeon clicked so much.

"I'll go get us some drinks. You must be thirsty after all that greetings from my family." You nod, smiling at him after sitting.

"Please be fast," You whisper, your introverted ass not not surviving for a minute alone in a social place. Juyeon chuckles as he pats your head, jogging to the back kitchen to grab you some drinks.

"Hey," When you thought Juyeon was back, you quickly turn to smile but is only greeted by his cousin, Jungwoo.

"Oh, hi! Jungwoo, right?" You welcome, growing uncomfortable at the stranger, but not wanting to be rude.

"Aye, you remembered!" Jungwoo lightens the mood, and had no other ill intentions but to keep you company. He sits besde you and starts a small talk, in which eventually you grew comfortable of his presence.

He was a funny guy, and made you laugh a lot. Now even that he stays still, the way he moves, he makes you laugh.

"Unfortunately, your clown has to go now. I have to take care of things on the groom's side, you know, for their last salut for tonight,"

"Oh yeah, do so! I'm so sorry I took much of your time. I wonder where Juyeon went," You smile apologetically, shaking your hands in front of him to urge him to go ahead.

"There your prince charming goes," He pouts to a direction, making you whip your head to the side. The familiar face finally makes you heave a sigh of relief, smiling at him.

He lets out a fake smile for a second, as he makes his way to you.

"Had fun?" Juyeon asks hastily, after nodding at Jungwoo and sitting where Jungwoo had sat.

"Yeah, your cousin's fun! Definitely should try stand up comedy," You chuckle, ignorant of Juyeon's change of mood.

"Good." That's where it hit you, when Juyeon didn't have his signature smile plastered on his face, simply chugging the glass of champagne twirling between his fingers.

"Did something happen? Why the long face?" You question, taking his hand to caress.

"Nothing," He sighs, swiftly turning your hand for him to hold. He shoots you a smile, scooting closer. Maybe he's just had a bad moment back there, so you didn't press on it further. "The salut's next, then we can go back to the accommodation if you're tired,"

"No it's fine! I'm enjoying, and you're back anyway," You smile, and pay attention once the clank of the knife on the wine glass was heard.

"...Cheers!" Juyeon's sister raises her glass as everybody does, drinking the champagne right after.

"We're inviting all of the couple in the middle of the stage for the slow dance, in line with the newly wedded's requests! This has been..." The host had finally concluded the reception, the lights dimming and focusing on the stage, the music turning into a romantic, slow song.

A lot has been making their way in the middle, and your smile never leaves your face in adoration of the beautiful scene in front of you.

"Hey lovebirds, you should go dance too," Juyeon's parents suddenly appears behind the both of you, pushing you to stand and pulling you in the middle in contrast of Juyeon's whines.

Of course, he wasn't able to refute his parents' glares and formally takes your hand, asking for a dance.

"It's okay, I don't really know how to dance so,"

"That's okay, you have me." Juyeon smiles, and somewhat, that convinced you. So you take his hand and made your way in the middle, greeting the newly weds. You saw how Juyeon's sister raised her eyebrows at his brother teasingly, which earned her a chuckle.

Juyeon shyly teaches and guides you where to put your hands, and you feel how his palms were sweaty.

"I think you're more nervous than me, judging how your palms are sweaty and how fast your chest's going up and down in a second," You chuckle, laying your hand on his left chest. You feel how fast his heart is beating, and for a second right there, you were worried. "Did you drink too much? How come your heart's beating this fast, Juyeon?"

He nervously chuckles, but doesn't give you an answer. He continues to teach you how to waltz, and you comply... terribly.

"That's okay, you can just go and step on me all you want," Juyeon's laugh rings around your ears pleasantly, and as selfish as you can be, you want to be the only reason why he laughs like that.

The past month had been weird, but oddly heart fluttering because of Juyeon. Weird from the start that he had to ask you to be his fake girlfriend, and him as someone you had limited interactions only. But aside all that, you had been enjoying getting to know him and his family.

How his slow ass will never survive your fast pace, how he plays basketball any free second he's given, how he always have to drink milk at 8 am sharp, how he cannot, for the life of his, watch any scary video, much more a horror movie, without company, or how he gets upset easily.

"You were laughing a lot with Jungwoo earlier. What did you two talk about?" You chuckle at Juyeon's attempt to have a small talk, to hopefully avert your attention away from his stammering and cold sweating due to the close proximity.

"I figured you're jealous." You shrug, following his sense of rhythm and miraculously not stepping on him. "You don't have to, baby. We were talking about your diaper days. And he had lots of stories to tell about you so..."

"Who's jealous? Your baby? I don't think I need to be," When he finally hears you call him your endearment once again, his shoulders go way to high again, which makes you laugh.

You pull him in to a comfortable hug, swaying to the sound of the slow melody. You feel Juyeon stiffen, so you melt more into his warmth.

"You know, Juyeon, I'm at a point where I want to thank you for dragging me into this mess," Maybe you initiated a hug because you didn't want to face him as you say what has been bugging your mind all night. "For introducing me as your fake girlfriend. You've been nothing but good to me, as well as your family. To think that this will all come to an end so soon breaks my heart." You pout, and you thank the lords you're not seeing how Juyeon is reacting right now.

Because if you do, you might really just cry right then and there. Juyeon was too good to be true for you, and for a fact that you were the one who wanted all of this to end as soon as possible from the start was horrendous to think about. You should even be thanking him for giving you the opportunity to be treated by the Lee Juyeon.

"y/n-,"

"What I'm saying is, Juyeon... I like you. Over the past month, I've grown to like you not just a fake boyfriend. I hope I'm making sense here," You sigh, genuinely afraid of the chance of rejection. "I know I said we should end it by today but... If you still agree with that, I understand, you can leave me here and I won't hold any grudge."

You close your eyes, eventually feeling Juyeon's tensed body ease up, breaking the hug. Your chest tightens, feeling disappointed as your head drops down in embarrassment. You wait for a few seconds before opening your eyes, ready to walk away but there Juyeon was, in front of you, adoring your hunched self.

Just a second ago, he was the one all tensed up and all ready to call off the agreement in respect of your pleas of getting out of the messy situation. But now, he was the one all smug and confident, thanking you internally because you were the one who confessed.

Because really, would he even think about confessing after the dumb move he made in that graduation hall?

"You're so cute," Juyeon takes ahold of both of your arms again and guide its way atop his shoulders, softly linking his forehead onto yours sweetly. "y/n, you like a coward who's been hiding his feelings for 5 years straight. You like a coward who didn't think twice about his actions, a coward who, instead of confessing, drags the girl he likes all these years in front of his family and friends, introducing her as his girlfriend. You like a coward who was even thinking of letting you go just a minute ago, y/n. Because if you didn't even bat an eye on me all those years we've been classmates... what more can I bring to the table now, right?"

Juyeon's mind was all over the place. Just like how you were thinking awhile ago, he thinks you're indeed to good to be true for him. That you don't deserve someone as simple as him, someone as cowardly as him.

"Juyeon, look at me." You cup his cheek, smiling assuredly at him. "You're more than enough for me. I like you as you are, and I will love you as you offer. You're my coward, Juyeon. And I will take what you can give. We'll be each other's answers in each of our lapses. We don't have to be perfect. I just want you, Juyeon."

And as deep as the night, Juyeon finally lets go of his doubts, taking the hand you cupped his cheek with to kiss, and following your forehead thereafter.

It was safe to say that Juyeon was being real now. However this time, you were too. You both were.

taglist: @sunlightwoo (answer the form on my pinned to be included!)

[wheels-of-despair]

Enough | A Make Up Story | Tom Grant x You | Series Masterlist

Chapter 2: Could Be Worse Words: 2.5k

"Had a nice reunion with Jade, did ya?"

He might as well have punched you in the gut. You lean back against your car, still halfway in a ditch, seeing them all over again. You exhale shakily and try to think of a witty response, but your thoughts are too scattered to provide one.

He steps closer and leans on your car next to you; not touching, but close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off of him in the cool night air. You stare off into the distance together, trying to collect yourselves as you watch the moonlight illuminate the blades of grass swaying in the breeze.

"I'm sorry," he says. "That was unkind. The girl… the other girl… she came here to be with me. Or so I thought."

You angle your head toward him, not quite facing him, and see the glimmer of a tear slipping down his cheek.

"Been together for three fuckin' years. Here a week, and Jade steals her away like it's nothing." He rubs his face angrily with his sleeve.

"She has that effect on people," you tell him sympathetically. "Just… consumes your entire fucking life. Don't even think she knows what she's doing."

Tom swipes at his cheeks again.

"I'm sorry," you whisper.

"I don't care."

"I think you do."

"How would you know?" he snaps. You swallow, and proceed gently.

"I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back."

You sigh together and stand in silence, not sure what to do next. This is the worst night of your fucking life. Heart broken, car broken, alone with some random crying guy in the middle of nowhere. Where do you go from here?

"How fuckin' dumb are we?" His bitter laugh comes as a welcome sound, breaking up the deafening silence of the night.

"Could be worse," you smile.

"How?" he challenges.

"I could've run over your stupid ass."

He laughs. "Yeah, I guess that would've been worse. For you, at least."

You lean over and knock him gently with your shoulder, and he loses his balance and stumbles.

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe," he says cheekily, having turned around to steady himself with his palms on the cool metal of your crooked car. You roll your eyes, even though it's too dark for him to see.

"Well… I'd offer you a ride into town, but I don't think this fucker's coming out by herself." You give the door a smack.

"I'll get the work truck and pull you out in the morning."

"And until then?"

He tilts his head back toward the place you were both running from. Absolutely not.

"I'll sleep in the car."

"No, you won't."

"Don't tell me what to do, Drunk Guy Who Walks in the Middle of the Road."

"We're not going anywhere near them, Girl Who Almost Ran Me Over. There's an unlocked van near the entrance that hasn't been stripped yet. People just left today. We can crash in there tonight, nobody'll even know."

You stay silent.

"I'd offer you your pick of caravans, princess, but I don't have my keys." He pauses. "It's gonna get cold out here tonight. Lots of wild animals out here, too." As if on cue, something screeches in such an unsettling way, your hair stands on end.

"Fine," you grumble. You open your car door and lean in to grab your bag of necessities… and the groceries too. Jade may have lost her chance, but at least somebody would benefit from your signature hangover cure in the morning.

"What's this?" Tom asks when you shove the grocery bag in his hands.

"You'll thank me later," is the only explanation you offer. You really don't feel like having to explain how ready and willing you were to take care of the woman who'd just stolen Tom's girlfriend from him.

You lock your car - which is far enough in the ditch to not block the road - and turn back toward the caravan park. It's not until you begin walking that you realize how drunk Tom is. He didn't slur his words or get giggly or emotional like Jade did when she was hammered, but he was dragging his feet and stumbling. When he trips over nothing for the third time, you sling your bag across your body and slide yourself under his arm.

"Don't get any ideas, Drunk Boy, you're making me sick with all this weaving you're doing." You point ahead. "Ready to try a straight line?"

"Piss off," he mumbles, but there's no anger in his voice. You grin and guide him forward.

He has to stop and get his bearings when you reach the caravans closest to the main road, but eventually finds the one he's searching for. He opens the door and gestures for you to enter. You step inside the dark room and stop, not knowing where the light switch is or what might be waiting for you to trip over. Tom crashes into you with a grunt a second later, then turns on the light.

It hadn't been scrubbed yet, but it wasn't in bad shape.

Tom sets the groceries on the table and stands there awkwardly. You have to give him credit; as uncoordinated as he was, he never dropped it.

"There's sandwich stuff in there," you tell him, pointing to the bag. "Make yourself something to eat, I'm going to change the sheets."

"Not hungry. I'll do it."

"You're gonna want something to soak up all the booze you've got sloshing around in there," you gesture to his stomach with a smirk. It rumbles helpfully to illustrate your point.

"Spares are in the top of the closet," he says, dropping into a chair at the table and starting to pull out the food you'd bought for Jade. You turn to hide your smile. You strip the sheets and put on clean ones, then return to the tiny kitchen.

Tom's made you a sandwich. It's sitting on a paper napkin across from where he's destroying his own. You step past him to look through the cabinets, and find a stack of paper cups. Those will do. You pour two cups of the weird pop Jade likes and slide one toward Tom, taking your seat across from him.

He takes a sip. "The fuck is this?"

"Something Jade likes," you shrug.

"She has horrible taste," he blanches, then takes another bite of his sandwich. He looks up to see your pointed stare.

"…in drinks," he says through a full mouth.

"Nice save," you admonish sarcastically before taking a sip from your own cup. "Good god, is this made from goat urine?"

Tom snorts, causing him to choke on his sandwich. You get up to slap him on the back and dislodge the hunk of bread, and when he recovers, you take your cups to the sink and pour the god-awful liquid down the drain. You rinse and fill them with water, then return to your seat.

"First you try to run me over," he takes a gulp from his cup, "then you try to poison me. What's next? You gonna drown me in the sea?"

"Only if you survive the fall when I push you down the dunes," you wink, taking another bite of your sandwich.

He grins and shoves the last bit of food in his mouth, then begins cleaning up his side of the table. He even sticks your perishables in the tiny fridge for you. No sense in spoiled food and broken hearts, you suppose.

"You take the bed, I'll sleep on the sofa." He'd waited 'til you'd just taken a bite so you couldn't protest. Without waiting for a response, Tom walks into the living room and flops down on the tiny sofa under the window. He yelps, flails, and falls back onto the floor.

You jump up and flick the living room light on. Tom lifts the front of his jumper to his nose, sniffs, then breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh thank fuck, it's only beer. Thought I'd just laid face-down in someone's piss."

You snort and cover your mouth with your hand, body shaking with silent giggles.

"Oh, you think this is funny, do you?"

"No," you lie. Tom glares and picks himself up off the floor, peeling his now-wet jacket off. He hangs it on a wall hook, then turns back to stare at the sofa, looking for a dry spot big enough to lie in.

"C'mon," you tilt your head toward the bedroom. "I solemnly swear not to spoon you."

"You're sure?"

"Unless you really want me to?"

"No, I mean…" You know what he meant.

"After all we've been through? I think we can survive one night together."

[polyamorousmood]

hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out

Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷‍♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.

Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very

And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.

And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--

Fucking. Sucks.

I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄

🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,

Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.

As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)

I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).

Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?

Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.

And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾

For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)

It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤

[bettsfic]

controversial opinion: i think Live could have been good.

it wasn't, and isn't, but it could have been. or at the very least, it could have crashed maybe lest swiftly and intensely than it did.

i knew about Live before they announced it, and so i formed an opinion sans the immediate backlash that developed. i was excited about it, even. i was planning to use it. i'd been wanting to do streaming for a long time but i knew it would take a lot of work to build a platform on twitch or youtube. my audience has always been on tumblr, and i thought it was a neat way to engage.

what if you had learned about Live from me saying, hey i'm doing a livestream in a few days, we'll chat about writing and do a prompt together?

you may have been like, absolutely not that's a terrible idea. or you may have been like, i didn't know you could stream on tumblr, but yeah, that sounds like it could be cool so i'll drop by and see what it's like.

you may have been able to watch your favorite fanartists draw. you may have had AMAs with some of the bigger names on here. you may have seen users do bizarre and creative things with it the way they did with polls, like things we can't even conceive of because we never know how a feature can be misused until the insanely intelligent and creative userbase gets a chance to tinker with it. you may not have gotten on camera yourself, because tumblr is all about pseudonymity, but you might have--might have!--considered not immediately blocking the feature.

i was going to use Live. i'd developed a schedule and wrote some of the copy for the announcement. i bought a new microphone. i even started playing with a few new writing exercises. but then i saw how intensely people hated it and i got scared. i didn't want that hate to turn on me.

even though i've been on here 12 years, i'm still shocked pikachu about the backlash nearly every major change receives. i get it. we're used to being exploited, and we hold tumblr in a higher regard than algorithm-y sites. this is our home and we don't want other people coming in and moving around the furniture. or bringing in new, worse furniture. and with that worse furniture, an entire party of awful people to sit on it.

so i do understand the fear and anger that came from the way they rolled out Live. i think people were right to be skeptical of such a massive change, and no matter what, it would have been, at the very least, divisive.

but if Live had rolled out the way they did DMs several years ago, where you hear about it from someone already using it? i don't know, i think it could have been something interesting and fun for at least a little while.

[drama-nonsense-v]

10 BL boys I want carnally <3

Thank you for tagging me to do this @blneobin <3 I'm a little behind on this but i FINALLY have time today to write it so here we go! I've had so much fun reading all the one's I've seen thus far~

Keita Machida - Kurosawa (Cherry Magic Japan)

I absolutely ADORE this man. Attentive and kind and he's ssooo pretty. He is 5'11" (180cm), I want to climb him like a tree, thank you. I would do anything he asked. I have watched this show so many times in the last 6 months since i first watched it, its a little ridiculous. (eepy Kurosawa...oh how i adore him)

Khaotung Thanawat - Ray (Only Friends)

I love this man so much it hurts. I adore everything I've watched him in thus far but there is a /reason/ Ray is pictured in my about me on this blog. I related to Ray so much and his and Sand's scenes....oh wow... I have so many edits and gifs saved in a folder on my computer of this man, I am unwell about it (someone should recreate their dancing in the parking garage scene with me...)

Nut Supanut - Solo/Way (Oxygen/PitBabe)

I adored Nut in Oxygen (is it a little stiff, yeah, but i still liked it) I am a sucker for puppy like characters like Solo and hes just so incredibly Handsome. And Way is just...oh my god. Nut is legit the one of two reasons I started watching PitBabe. (Obsessed with the fact that Way is still kinda Puppy coded. He can take his frustration out on me, I'd consent to that)

Jimmy - Peun/Mohk (Vice Versa/Last Twilight)

I enjoyed Vice Versa and Jimmy immediately caught my attention when I watched it. And now with watching Last Twilight, many of my friends know just how UNWELL I am about this man. Mohk is so kind and attentive and he's so so handsome I cannot handle it. I made so many people watch the clip of him getting angry with August. When he got super quite? Lost my mind. (Look at him...look at his arms, are you kidding me??)

Ja Phachara Suansri - Leo/Punn (Don't Say No/Be Mine SuperStar)

THIS MAN IS 6'2" (188cm) THAT'S NOT FAIR. HE'S SO TALL (i'm a little jealous...) Ja is so pretty and him just throwing around First in Don't Say No like he was nothing? I lost it. The scene in the pool in Be Mine SuperStar where Punn and Ashi are talking and then Punn stands up? I was UNWELL (Punn is also another Puppy coded character and I will forever be a sucker for it)

Perth - Ae/Kanghan (Love By Chance/Dangerous Romance)

When I tell you some weird things came out of my mouth when I was telling my friends about Perth, I wish I was kidding (@darkroseespeon can attest to that). He's so incredibly ridiculously handsome and his smile is absolutely infectious. He's another that I would do anything they asked. (cue to me just repeatedly saying "he's so pretty" as i was trying to find a gif...)

Nat Thewphaingam - Nawin (Laws of Attraction)

I was living with some roommate when I was watching Laws of Attraction and they had a good laugh watching me LOSE MY SHIT when this man came on screen. I was immediately obsessed with Nawin. The bgm, the bloody tank, and the brass knuckles? I was a gonner. Truly in love with his antics and i would give a lot to be under him. (do you see his arms? the lighting? just...HIS FACE?)

Ji Sub - Jae Won (The Eighth Sense)

OMG one, this show is so important to me. Two, Ji Sub is a meal I could eat every day. I don't even have much more to say than that. He's just so handsome and he had such sad eyes... Jae Won, once they're finally boyfriends, is so sweet I just adore it so much. I love this man. (He was so cute in this scene I cant...)

Us Akkarachotsopon - Tay (Kinnprosche)

Tay is fully the embodiment of my never ending delima of do i want him or to i want to /be/ him???? His fashion sense is glorious and I will never be over it. The minute I start talking about it, its hard to get me to shut up. I would give ssoo much to take care of Tay and love him like he deserves. (Where the post that's like "i'll do anything for a boy with big brown eyes" or something like that. Also, this shirt?? I need it.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me

Am I cheating a little bit by talking about all four of them? Maybe. But I have made SO many people who are not into BLs watch this show FOR A REASON. I love it so much and I love all of them so dearly. AiDi and ChenYi's fashion? IMPECCABLE I'm obsessed and want to recreate some of their looks so bad. All their scene once they're finally together??? unbeatable to me. omfg. ZongYi and ZeRui's kitchen scene?? In shambles. SHAMBLES (I have a stuffed animal I named ZongYi cause he's so precious to me...and I want to get one to name AiDi)

Aaaahhh this...took me way longer to write than anticipated. Though part of that time was looking through endless amounts of gifs. to which, thank you to the gif makers, y'all make my day (haha xD) I have no idea who hasn't done this yet, (@mb-bls idk if you have or would want to?) but if you see this and want to do it, tag me so I can read it!!!!

[spnexploration]

Brotherly Figures part 4

Summary: (Early seasons) Sam and Dean save a 15 year old, newly orphaned teenager from vampires. Much to their chagrin, she ends up tagging along on hunts, giving them both a fresh chance at acting like a brotherly figure.

Series masterlist

Part 3 <- -> Part 5

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Ava (teen!OC), Bobby Singer

Episode summary: Ava gets used to living with Bobby

Episode warnings: None

A/N: I promised an anon ask that I'd get the next part of Brotherly Figures out, so here it finally is!

GIF by frodo-sam

“Did you just get out of Bobby Singer’s car?” a girl asked me incredulously.

“Umm, yes,” I said cautiously.

“How does he even have a licence? Absolute drunkard,” another girl gossiped.

A third girl came over to me, “Just ignore them. They'd find something to complain about if it killed them.” I gratefully followed her into the gym where the self-defence class was about to be held. “I'm Olivia,” she said.

“Ava.”

“Nice to meet you. You new here?”

“Uh, yeah. My brothers are friends with Bobby, I'm staying with him for a bit.”

Before we could talk any further, the Sheriff, Jody Mills, called everyone in to a circle. Bobby had taken me the day before to meet her as she ran the class.

The rest of the class went ok, me avoiding the bitchy girls and hanging with Olivia. She told me their names were Faye and Suzie.

They threw some comments at me when Bobby came to pick me up. My face flushed with embarrassment.

---

Bobby seemed to have taken Sam’s instructions about my schooling regrettably seriously. He gave me a bit of leeway, but he was pretty firm about having to finish my homework.

“Were you this much of a hard taskmaster with the boys?” I complained at him.

“God no. Their Dad couldn't care less what their grades were so long as they could shoot and fight. But Sam was diligent anyway, I wouldn'ta had to be remindin’ him.”

“And Dean?”

“Well, Dean just wanted to be a kid,” he said pensively. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that answer.

I hadn’t noticed when he'd written it up, but part of Sam's curriculum was learning how to kill various monsters too. Unlike my normal school work where Bobby just left me with my laptop, those lessons he taught. Often we were interrupted by his phones ringing, different hunters asking for advice or him having to pretend to be their boss in the FBI.

Sometimes he'd get me researching in his lore books alongside him. I flushed with pride when he praised me for finding the right answer or something that would help someone's case.

The best times were when he took me out to learn how to shoot the various guns. I wasn’t great, but I was getting a tiny bit better. Often he'd reminisce about the many things he'd shot, or the times he'd had with the Winchester boys.

---

It was the same pattern of comments about Bobby from the bitchy girls at the next two self-defence classes too. I thought about asking Bobby to drop me off further away, but I figured they'd just say something else next time instead. I tried to not to let it get to me.

I was picking up my things at the end of my fourth class when I heard one of the other girls in the class, Belinda, turn around to her friends, “Check out the hotties in the carpark!”

I ignored her, finishing packing my things. I walked out to the carpark chatting to Olivia, looking for Bobby's car. Finally, I noticed what all of the other girls were drooling over.

I ran to Sam, having spotted him and Dean leaning against the Impala. He gathered me in a hug. Then I turned to Dean and he hugged me too. “Heya, kiddo,” he said affectionately.

Bitchy Faye was looking dumbfounded while Suzie glared daggers at me. That was almost as good as the Winchesters being back.

---

“Alright, you ready to show us what you've learnt?” Dean asked with a grin.

“I was born ready,” I said cockily.

He chuckled, “Easy, tiger. Alright, guns first?”

I agreed and followed him outside, Bobby and Sam trailing behind us. Sam set up some cans on the fence for me to fire at.

“Let's see what you've got,” Dean said.

My first shot missed, probably as bad as I'd been in the beginning. I was irritated at myself, I was meant to be showing them I was being better!

“Just relax,” Dean said quietly. “Centre yourself first.”

I took his advice, appreciating that he hadn't chosen to tease me. I took a deep breath and had another go. I missed again, but it was close, skittering right past the can.

The men didn't say anything, giving me time to centre myself again. Focus.

I HIT IT!!

Dean whistled and Sam exclaimed, “Good job, Ava!” I couldn’t hide the massive grin on my face.

Dean got me to try out a few other gun types, to varying degrees of success, but he seemed pretty happy with my progress. I flushed with happiness.

We packed up the guns and cans and started walking to the shed. Sam walked next to me. “Bobby sent me your assessments and the marks from your distance ed teacher,” he said.

I groaned.

He laughed. “No, you're doing a good job, Ava. We might need to talk through some of your chemistry a bit more while I'm here, but your essay on equity for Pacific Island Nations under climate change was great.”

“You seriously find time to read my essays while you're killing monsters?”

“Dean likes to drive. I spend a lot of time in the passenger seat.”

We'd made it to the shed, Dean holding the door open. “How do you stop a ghost?” he asked me.

“Salt or iron will stop them temporarily but you need to salt and burn their bones or whatever object they're tied to.”

“Good, let's see how you're going taking down Sammy.”

Sam and I sparred off. I showed the moves I’d learnt from Sheriff Jody’s classes and what Dean had taught me last time. I still couldn't overpower Sam, but I was a lot better at getting out and buying myself valuable seconds.

Dean offered me his hand to stand up, after Sam had flattened me to the ground. “You've done good work, kiddo,” he said. “Wanna come on a ghost case with us?”

I squealed, “Really?!” I jumped to him, wrapping my arms around him. “Thank you thank you thank you!!”

He laughed and returned the hug. “You are going to have to do what you're told,” he warned.

.

“I know, I know.” I released Dean and went over to hug Sam. “When do we leave?” I asked excitedly.

“Tomorrow morning,” Dean replied. “I've never seen someone so excited about a salt and burn.”

.

.

@leigh70

@malindacath

@ellie-andthemachine

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Campfire Nights

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 1.6K

SUMMARY | Y/N and Eve are enjoying their trip to Italy, and when Y/N celebrates her birthday, Bucky decides to show up with the Avengers as a surprise. They spend a week on a campsite in Italy with the whole group, and they get up to all different kind of shenanigans.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, kissing, talk about sex.

A/N | This is part of the series 'Yours, Forever' and takes place during Chapter 6, but it can be read and enjoyed as a standalone one-shot.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Setting up the tents

Even though Y/N and Eve were initially going to share a tent while they were at the campsite, they decided to take on of the tents the Avengers brought. They brought along 3 tents that would fit 4 people, so that was absolutely perfect for the group. At first it was a bit of a puzzle to figure out who would share a tent with who, but by the time that was figured out, it was time to set them up. And this came with their own set of problems.

''Why won't our tent stay up?'' ''Where is the tarp to go on the ground?'' ''No, leave that alone, otherwise we'll lose it!'' ''Ugh, these air mattresses are so hard to blow up!'' were just a few of the things exchanged, but after some bickering everyone managed to set up their tents. As soon as Y/N and Bucky saw their chance, they dove into their tent without being seen, so they could have some alone time, or so they hoped.

''Wait, where did Y/L/N and Barnes go?'' Steve asked, but before he could finish his question, Sam had already found them in their tent, limbs intertwined and enjoying a good make-out session. ''Found them, they're in their tent! Guys, could you at least wait until it was dark en we're going to sleep? This is just gross!'' he exclaimed. ''No Sam, no we could not.'' Y/N said cheekily and gave Bucky one last soft but passionate kiss before getting out of the tent, her neck littered with bruises where Bucky had been ravaging with his lips.

Building the campfire

''Okay, how about this, Thor, Loki, Sam, Bucky, Steve and Clint, you can go find wood for the campfire in the forest, and the rest of us will start unpacking for now? I think we have all the stuff we need to build the campfire here, except for the wood ofcourse.'' Y/N said, and they went right on their way. ''For you, always lady Y/N,'' Thor said, and it made her blush uncontrollably, she would never get used to his charm at this rate. It was like she was a little girl all over again, who could handle it when she got compliments. ''Watch it, Thor.'' Bucky said with a deep, grumpy voice and pointed look towards him.

As soon as the guys came back, they had basically picked half the forest with wood, which should be more than enough to last them through the entire week. ''So, who wants to do the honors of building it?'' Eve said, but no one said anything, since they weren't sure how to build a campfire, let alone get it started. Y/N rolled her eyes and said ''Looks like we're going to do everything around her ourself, babe'' to Eve, and the two of them started building the fire. ''Wait, did you just call her babe...?'' Bucky asked Y/N with a bit of a jealous tone laced in his voice.

''Uh, yeah, I guess I did. I don't even realize I do it, we're just so used to it. If you want me to stop I can do that, but I'd rather be building this campfire before someone freezes to death over here.'' Y/N said, with a smile towards him. ''No it's okay...'' he said with a low voice, he would for sure be asking more about this later, he wanted to be called babe by her, too, but he didn't want to admit it in front of everyone. ''AH, there is the fire!'' Eve and Y/N said at the same time, and they quickly backed away when the flames grew quickly.

S'mores

A campfire will never be complete without s'mores, drinks and friends. Luckily for all of them, there would not be a shortage of any of those these nights, since they brought enough chocolate, marshmallows, graham crackers and alcohol for an entire army, they definitely didn't want to run out before the end of the week. ''Wanna know a secret?'' Y/N whispered to Bucky, who was sitting right next to her. ''Sure.'' ''I've never had s'mores before actually.'' she whispered again.

''HOLD ON, you're saying you have never had the pleasure of tasting the most amazing treat in this world?!'' he repeated back in a loud voice, and everyone instantly went silent, making everyone look at Y/N and Bucky and she felt the crimson color appear on her cheeks and neck faster than she could say s'mores. ''Fuck, could you keep your voice down?!'' she hissed at him, feeling really embarrassed now. ''I'm sorry, but you will definitely have the honor of getting the first s'more of the evening now!'' he said.

Bucky roasted a marshmallow by the fire and placed it in between two graham crackers and some chocolate before giving it to her. ''First, a kiss. As a thank you.'' Bucky said teasing, and who was Y/N to deny him of that pleasure? So she planted a kiss on his lips, which he immediately deepened, much to the dismay of everyone else. ''Guys, get a tent or something, god...!'' Nat said, and they pulled away with big smiles. ''Thank you.'' you simply said and you grabbed the s'more from his hands.

''Oh my fucking god, HOW HAVE I BEEN MISSING OUT ON THIS?!'' Y/N said, and it was gone before anyone could even give an answer. ''Told you so!'' Bucky said with a wink.

Campfire games: Never have I ever

Something that can't possibly be missing from a campfire, is silly games to get to know each other better, or to embarrass each other. One of those games was played at this particular one, namely 'Never Have I Ever'. ''How does that work? I've never even heard of it...'' Bucky asked Y/N. ''Well, one person asks a question and you have to answer if you either have or haven't done it. Since we turn this into a drinking game, you will drink if you have done it, but you won't take a drink if you have not done it. It's that simple.'' she said and she grabbed his hand to reassure him it would all be okay.

Tony went straight for it and asked ''Never have I ever hooked up with someone in this group.'', knowing Y/N and himself would drink, seeing how they had a friends with benefits relationship for a few years. Steve and Natasha also drank to that, but the rest didn't. ''Oh, I see what happened there!'' you said teasing Steve, knowing the crush he had on Natasha. What the group didn't know is that they have been secretly dating for a few months, although Y/N had her suspicions since she got closer to Steve.

The rest of the questions were pretty simple. ''Never have I ever had a crush on someone I worked with'' ''Never have I ever embarrassed myself during a briefing or conference meeting'', but when it was Buckys turn, he was really curious about some of the sexual acts you had performed, knowing you were quite the adventurous type on that front. ''Never have I ever had sex in public.'' he said, and only Tony and Y/N drank to that, to which he couldn't believe his eyes. ''Wait.. you and.. really?'' he asked with furrowed brows.

''Well, yeah. We had a friends with benefits relationship for a few years, what did you expect?'' she said without missing a beat. Somehow, the fact that you were willing to have sex in public turned Bucky on, and he was suddenly really mad it wasn't just the two of them, otherwise he would have taken her right then and there. ''You never asked, when was I supposed to tell you?'' she said and shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her drink. Everyone else couldn't believe what they heard, they didn't know she could talk so casual about her former sex life with Tony when he was sitting right there.

Singing by the fire

Ever since Y/N was young, she had a love for playing the acoustic guitar, and there is no better way to showcase this than with all her friends around the campfire. Tony had taken her guitar to Italy in the jet but didn't tell her, so when he went away to grab it, he just told everyone he had a surprise. ''Allright, it is all fun and games, but I think I have a better plan here. Just gonna grab something real quick and I'll be back.'' he said with a wink to Y/N. She was wondering what it could be, but all she could do was wait until he got back.

When he got back, he had swung her red guitar case around his shoulder, and as soon as Y/N saw the color, she knew it was her guitar, and she got really excited. ''Oh my god Tony, I can't believe you brought me my guitar! Thank you so much, I really missed playing it!'' she said and gave Tony a hug, after which she took the case from him. ''So, any requests for a campfire song?'' she said, and everyone yelled out different songs at the same time.

''Woah, not everyone at the same time please! How about I go first? I wonder how many of you will know this one.'' She started playing the first accords of the song ''Endlessly'' by Amaranthe, and immediately Buckys eyes locked with hers, it was their song, the one they danced to when she got back from the medbay after the ball. The shy redness crept up his cheeks, but he didn't mind, he was too in love to even care about it. Y/N sang the entire song, with Bucky humming along. After this, everyone gave their suggestions and she played every single one, singing along to all of them.

This turned out to be one of the most perfect evenings they ever had, singing songs with friends, s'mores, drinks and a whole lot of laughter. This was a night no one would ever forget, and everyone was grateful they got to share it with their closest friends.

[idsb]

Like the other anon said, it's not my place so feel free to tell me to stfu but as someone who has gone through a similar struggle in the recent past, I agree with them that this decision should be purely about you, not your partner. Like I understand that he is going through a rough time at the moment, but I'll be real with you, I think as is you've already done him a massive favour paying 25% rent for a place you're not living in and more broadly, this is your life you're talking about. I've been following you for half a decade now and in that time, a huge dream of yours has always been living in Australia, and even now, when you had the most god awful (but ironically/affectionately enough I'd argue also the most Australian) start in Australia, you've said you feel like you found the place you belong and somewhere that feels so easy to be. That's rare, especially for people who have strained relationships with their family (something I relate to you with and was a big factor that people didn't often consider in my decision. not saying it is for you, but it could be) and I think it's worth holding onto, when the alternative is 'going back home for one thing [him]'.

In saying that, is there any chance that long term (I understand him not wanting to come now given his friends' condition) he would be willing to move to Australia? Because, and I recognise that this may be unfair given we get your side and not his on here, it feels like every choice about the both of yours future (getting back together, whether to stay in Australia etc) has been on your shoulders/your burden to carry. Like you either have to choose one or the other while he gets everything with no compromise if you go back. Like I know my partner at the time was not up for it, but eventually came around when he realised that it's what I needed, so if that is an option at all, that could also be worth exploring. Anyway I feel like I'm ranting now but yeah, whatever you choose, just make sure it's for your benefit not his because it's your life.

Hmmm since we share the apartment and only just moved in together before I bought the plane tickets, idrk if me not dumping the whole rent on him is a favor - if feels like he’s doing ME a favor by us keeping it, me having a home to go back to, etc, when he really can’t afford to pay that much. It feels like it’d be really mean of me to just leave and say “you pay for this I’m not even here” but idk.

It makes me so 🥺🥺 to think about you following me for half a decade and how LONG that is, thanks for saying that. I have always found the “found family” concept really beautiful and have absolutely never ever had it until I met the housemates I have now, so you’re sooooo right about that point.

I agree with you that a lot has been on me, but unfortunately he’s not interested in moving here. Which, it sucks because he’s not particularly passionate about a reason why, just general making it clear he would never want that and isn’t interested. Probably because he actually likes his family and has a lot of friends (unrelatable fshhdjdjkek) so like most normal people wouldn’t want to leave that. And his career - which to be fair, until I got here and was pushed to the breaking point with it this year, I also was like I couldn’t!1!1!!1 my career!!1!1!!! I’m really happy for you and it’s really inspiring that your partner wound up feeling that way.

Thanks for being here bestie and thank you so very much for this message and taking the time to send it. This was really helpful to read and sort out my thoughts a little more 🥺🥺🥺

[kthlnco]

Unveiling the Clouds

Allure of the Clouds

Vaping, I was introduced to vaping during 6th grade, that one classmate acting cool and boastful in front of us showing off smoke that would make me cough. At that time I just thought it was absolutely dumb and ridiculous, growing up surrounded by chainsmokers I vowed to myself to not even think of touching anything smoking related.

Years come by and I'm on my senior years, vaping became more popular, students walking around with their disposables hanging around their necks. Peer pressure that's what it was on my first drag, new school, new classmates, you just want to fit in. There's this invisible rulebook on what's cool and what's not, and vaping seems to be right up there on the "cool" list.

On that first take I didn't see the purpose, "why do they enjoy this?", "what's the point?", questions running through my mind. I mean yeah it did make me feel that I belonged, it felt cool i guess? Being surrounded by people that constantly use them made me feel the urge to keep on using it and see what was the hype. A friend of mine lended me one and let's say I kept it.

There came the time of my first purchase, "mango ice" was the flavor, I mean come on it's crazy how disposable vape companies target most teens. From the colorful packaging, catchy ads, interesting builds - it's designed to reel us in. Plus the flavors? Who can resist something tasting like "strawberry lychee", "strawberry watermelon", heck a "Cola" flavor? The flavors got to me, that was what I enjoyed, during these times I have yet to hit my disposables, what I'd do is what some would call "hipak-buga". Then there came the time that I stopped.

During my lowest time, I needed something to calm my nerves, relieve my anxiety, lessen my stress, and that was when I bought a dispo once again. Once I learned to hit and actually take it in, I felt it. I felt the calmness, the relief, I felt relaxed. That's when I realized what it was for, not just for cool vapors and tricks, it helps lessen your stress much like a cigarette would, but with tasty flavors.

Not gonna lie but up to this date I still use vape, it became my escape. Vaping offers a brief moment of relief, a chance to forget about everything else and just focus on those swirling clouds. I often think about the chemicals I've been inhaling and the damage it could be doing to my body. But even knowing that, it's hard to shake the habit once you're hooked.

It started out of sheer curiosity, wanting to see what all the hype is about. And before I know it I'm hooked. Don't get me wrong I'm not writing to hype you guys to get hooked into this vice, it's more of an insight on why someone would use it (me).

[seyaryminamoto]

Still about the Christmas Sequel to IHTBY, I know I’m mean for it, but it would be hilarious to see Azula actually pranking her parents and Zuko into believing she’s pregnant, when it seems that she and Sokka didn’t even banged yet, in this setting. And the way you depicted Ozai is exactly like I imagine him in a modern setting. Also liked Ursa and Azula’s dynamic. Ursa clearly loves her children, but I can’t blame Azula for resenting her. And poor Zuko seems to be clueless about everything.

x'DDDD oooh hell, the trolling potential there is terrifying. I really don't know if Ozai would ever recover from such a shock. The man is just perpetually paranoid about that concept, he'd believe it 100% and he'd probably make her take an ecography test to make sure it's not true even after she says she's messing around and that it's not possible x'D while Ozai is certainly grateful, deeeeeeeeeep down, that Azula decided to date a good-hearted nerd, of all things, he still is an idiot about protecting his daughter from the evil claws of... this good-hearted nerd xD

I'm glad my depiction of Ozai works for you in this setting! I do know that the popular take is to make Ozai an extremely problematic/abusive parent and spouse regardless of the setting... but I really wanted IHTBY to be a pretty idealistic AU, in general, without the heaviest clouds of canon baggage. Hence why I refused to kill off Kya, I saw that happen so many times in so many AUs and most the time it feels like people just don't think Sokka and Katara could be the same characters without Kya dying? Well, sure thing, because they'd be a lot less traumatized :'D in short, I don't see the drawback in keeping her alive, and having a chance to play with the concept of Kya's character is always enjoyable. So yep, writing a pretty positive and wholesome AU allowed me to think about what kind of man Ozai could be in a world slightly less ruthless than the one we see in canon. And while he's obviously not a great, perfect dude, he's evidently a lot less unpleasant than many other Ozais I've written. (Yakuza AU Ozai still takes the cake in the "worst Ozais I've written" contest, I'd say...)

As for Azula and Ursa's complicated dynamic... yeeeeeah, there's a lot to work with there, haha. I have to admit I've developed a very unexpected liking to the potential bond between these two in later years, because back when I wrote the original IHTBY? I was just soooo mad at Ursa after The Search, so the whole angle in IHTBY of Ursa being with Ikem in secret and cheating on Ozai was mostly about me exteriorizing my frustration with that comic :'D

... Then the joke was on me because then the sequel made Ursa something like an emotional core of the story. The jumpstart of her development, when Azula brings them the invitation to Sokka's family's party, kind of unleashed my brain when it came to her character's potential XD There's a lot that can be done with her character in a lot of settings (... not so much for me in comic-compliant ones, but anyway...), but one of the things that the Christmas story was absolutely going to feature was Ursa finally facing Azula directly, reconciliating with her (and of course, ending things with a certain someone...) and eventually finding her place in her own family once more. So... yeah. I really should get going and just write it xD

Zuko may be the most hilarious character in this story, unintentionally so. He's constantly clueless about things, and in remaining clueless, he's surprisingly way more innocent than anyone expects from him. He was going to have a very lighthearted subplot in the sequel, definitely lighthearted compared to the much heavier plotline with Ursa, so... if you enjoyed clueless Zuko, all the more reason for me to get on with writing the rest of it, haha. He's just really funny in this story, most of all because he's not even trying to be funny XD

[asksuccubussides]

What if you were an asexual succubus, wouldn't that be fucked up or what Chapter 3

Masterpost of chapters

(Cw: There's a short Remus section towards the end with imagined violence and references to sex)

Etymology, psychology, Hauntology. These were all topics that Janus adored and he'd managed to fit them all into a single essay assignment. He should be bursting with the urge to write about it, But he wasn't.

He was sitting in bed with an empty word document open in front of him. Even though it was nearing noon he still hadn't changed from his night time clothes and a headache was building at his temples from staring at the screen for so long.

The thing was that he could clearly see in his mind each sentence he wanted to write to the point that he could vizualise every word one after the other. It was only when it came to actually moving his fingers to type it out that he froze. All his teachers had always-

"Dude! I think I just found even more proof that def proves that the occult is real!" Virgil exclaimed while barging in through the door.

Virgil's voice was constantly hoarse and he always smelled slightly of coffee and cigarettes even though Janus had never actually seen him smoke. While he carefully closed the door behind him his black bangs hung down in front of his eyes, like if the monster from the ring had short hair, and his overly big hoodie loosely clutched around his shouldero like usual. He always looked like he'd either sprinted away from a tornado just now or hidden away like a mouse for 5 hours.

He was a man who desperately wanted to slouch until he was invisible stuck in the body of a tall, boney and annoyingly noticeable man.

"Ough...I wasn't uhh interrupting you was I?" he asked when he noticed Janus sitting with the word document open.

Janus immediately closed the laptop and threw it aside "most definitely not! In fact I have done absolutely nothing today except for wait for someone to disrupt me"

"Great. Okay so dude I was checking up on some of my normal paranormal sites yeah? And I found this video. Definitive proof I'm telling you"

While Virgil took out his phone to show him Janus moved the blanket on the bed aside to make room for the other man to crawl under. (Like they always had done when they were kids). Though Viv just took an awkward look at Jan before sitting down on the floor with his back leant against the bed so Jan had to lean over his shoulder to see the video.

It was some grainy cctv footage taken of a parking lot during a late night. A seemingly normal person walked past but stopped by a random part of wall far away in the distance. After a few seconds it sort of looked like the person walked through the wall and disappeared.

"See? Ghosts!"

"Oh please, I could manually count the amount of pixels in that video. It's just a trick of the light. Besides Virge your source evaluation is horrible, it could be an edited youtube video for all you know"

"Right. let me just get a peer reviewed paper out about this 20 second video out real quick"

"I'd be one of the peer reviewers if you asked me to" Janus replied with a smile.

"Duh dude. I know you would be. Not like you have anything better to do"

Jan fake gasped "A daring accusation! A proper rude one as well! For your information my schedule is incredibly packed!"

"Yeah yeah" He waved his hand around while rolling his eyes "Anyway, I got an update on that ufo sighting as well"

--

The morning after Remus had fed he woke up in a groggy haze with his eyes all in blur and with his head feeling like it had been stuffed with cotton. Roman had been sitting beside his bed but as soon as she saw that her brother had woken up she left without even giving him a chance to say anything.

Instead Remy had stayed by his side for the rest of the morning, or the equivalent to morning that hell had. They hadn't asked about the feeding or what had happened afterwards. They had just laid down next to him in bed and started telling him about the latest gossip and drama between the various succubi.

Eventually Remus put on some background music, (an experimental band from the rage circle that used stuff like bones and bottles of piss as instruments), and started making paper-war machines while listening to them talk. He only butted in with a comment or dirty joke every now and then, the important thing was that they knew he was listening.

"Soo like yeah girlie. That's the tea. Their breakup was so messy they both got sent to heaven. Fucking rough. Think that's all for now. Wanna switch?"

"Yayayay! Ranting time"

The friends swiftly changed positions so Remy chose the music (they put their hand against the speaker so they could feel the bass) and Remus set aside his paper makings to focus on rambling and stimming. He began to tell them about the latest torture methods he'd come up with which included showing them the paper models he'd made of the torture devices.

'But like who you torturing?

'Humans! Oh and angels!"

'Not angeeelllss' Remy pouted a little 'They're so cute'

'Your whole brain is a tumor dude'

'Even with a tumor brain i would still be hotter than you.....Also what's a like tumor?'

Remus shone up at the chance to explain 'Well to make a long story longer it was discovered in-'

'Great girl just keep talking just like that' Remy laid down with their head against his chest and closed their eyes with a relaxed smile playing on their lips.

"You can't even read my lips from the- Eh whatever. Imma just keep ranting" He laid his arms around their back and kept talking.

Remy could still remember the sound of Emile's voice but by the time the twins appeared they had long since been deaf. If they focused really hard they could sort of make out an idea of what Remus' voice should be like. The way his chest heaved in for heavy breaths bretween quick and jumbled sentences. They way his neck and throat moved when he spoke. The amount of lip movement he did.

They liked to think of his voice as shrill and annoying in the best way. His voice should be quite high in constrast to Roman's deeper though just as expressive voice.

It took Remus poking at them several times for them to actually open their eyes again and to their happy surprise they saw that Emile had come back. They could read on his lips that he said "The new puppy hell hounds were so precious! You two really have to go see them later"

"Sup slut" Remy greeted while wrapping their hand around their partner's tie to bring him closer.

"Hi honey" He gave them a quick kiss before letting himself be pulled down beside them. Remus immediately showed him the war machines he'd made out of paper and Emile complimented the creativity of it all.

Emile laid his hand against the speaker and felt the bass of the music his lover had choosen. He knew one of Remy's favorite things still was music (no matter how many times demons made snarky jokes about how ironic it was) so whenever his lover put something on he at least tried to 'listen' to it in the same way they did. He let himself feel the instruments pump up from his hand into the rest of his body and let the words being sung melt into melodies of the bass.

'I like this song'

'Yeah duh babe. It's Carly Rae Jepsen, you always like love her....As should everyone'

'I think I saw some demons in the uhmm....whichever ring it was, it sounded similar to hers'.

Remus started to smack his tail against the ground out of boredom as he noticed the couple zoning out into their own little conversations.

It was like watching an old married couple that had slowly grown entangled into each other. Lungs and bones slowly morphing together over the years. Sometimes Remus caught Remy humming on cartoon intros even though they couldn't name the cartoon if asked and even though Emile prefered not to eat or drink he still argued that decaf was the worst kind of coffee one could ever drink whenever it was brought up.

Unlike the succubi Emile didn't have a tail nor the ability to conjure wings. His horns were shiningly light pink and frayed at the ends as if small thorns were protuding out. His skin was so dark it made his smile look like stars in the night sky while his clothes were always in light shades of orange, brown and pink making him look like he was stuck in an outwashed version of the 60s.

He was "Like sooo much man. A lot of man" as Remy put it and when asked said he'd worked as an earth observer some half century and a bit ago which was why he knew so much about humans....Well knew and knew. He'd spent most of his time observing the rise of Disney, Hanna Barbera and animated films and had gotten really into psychology and medicine after having a nasty walk in with Sigmund Freud at a party. He still argued that Remy had been the inspiration for the Sleepy dwarf in Snow white.

"Hi Ro-Ro!" Emile waved as he saw Roman come into the sleeping quarters.

She gave the tiniest of waves back to him before adverting her eyes as far away from her brother as she could. The other three demons watched as she basically jogged past to get to her bed.

"There he comes"

Roman quickly grabbed a change of clothes and jogged out of the room again without even passing another glance to them.

"Aaaand there she goes"

'silent treatment huh' Remy signed to Remus.

'Perfect time to annoy him'

'Pretty sure it's objectivly not' Emile added in.

'What does he know. He goes on and on bla bla bla about how much he enjoys humans' Remus mimicked barfing 'But he's never even eaten enough food to take a shit! I have! I am basically connected to humanity now! The shit is what brings us toge-'.

'Okay gross. Too gross. Go girl. Get outa here'.

There was a mischevious grin on Remus' face as he jumped from the bed and skidadadled out of the room. The couple looked at each other, Emile sighed to which Remy shrugged.

"HeY! Hey! HEY! HEY!" Remus repeated as he ran up alongisde his brother. He kept shouting into her ear even though she did her best to not give any reaction. "Whatcha doing? Where you going? Why you such a pisshat?"

"Can I just get like one day without you" Roman finally replied.

".....Hmmm...Lemme think.....No! Why are you even pissed at me? I didn't even put any bugs in your clothes this time"

Roman stopped midstep and turned to him "I was having a really nice time you know, until I felt you being all miserable and had to come get you because you can't do the job we are literally created for"

"I didn't ask you to come get me??? Dude?? You're blaming me for your own shit"

"Was I just supposed to-" Roman took a deep breathe and looked away again. His hands started to fix the ends of his shirt to have something to distract himself "I'm not gonna do this today! I'm not! I have a really nice dinner with a historian planned and he will listen to me when I gush about historic eras and it will be good and nice and then we're going to see a broadway show and I won't let you destroy that for me!....Bitch!"

"A date with a human" Remus let up into a toothy grin "Sounds a bit patton-ish to me"

"Don't! I am not breaking any rules! I love human culture! I've never loved a single specific human and you know that! Don't you compare me that- that traitor!"

"It's more fun if I do though"

Roman kept walking towards the door to earth "I'm not letting you do this today!"

"You're no fun!" Remus yelled back as his brother slammed the door shut behind him.

--

"I think it should be ethically okay for me to shoot people with an eye laser if they stare at me for too long" Janus muttered out.

He and Virgil were sitting in the corner of the college classroom as hidden away as possible while listening to a lecture on philosophy. Viv had managed to pull Jan out of bed with the threat that he would definitely get failed at this class if he didn't at least show up physically every now and then.

If Virgil wasn't taking notes he either got anxious about forgetting anything important later, or worse, the teacher getting mad at him. Even though he was an adult man who shouldn't get anxious about not meeting the expectations of authority figures. Honestly Viv's obsessive note taking was probably half the reason Janus was still getting through his classes.

An essay should have been turned in to this class a week ago which Janus hadn't even though he could recite it nearly perfectly in his brain.

"A simply lie would do don't you think. College professors are usually nice like that. Not like our middle school teachers" Janus continued to mutter.

"Dude you were just taking the piss to see how far your lying could get you"

"And it got me some very nice stars in my margin! Thank you very much!"

Janus sent his friend a leering smile to which Virgil just rolled his eyes in return.

"Maybe I should have just let you fail this class as well" Viv teased.

"Aw but you loooove me" He made kissy noises while moving to lean his head against his friend's arm but Virgil scooted further away before he could.

The class ended and Virgil sat back and begrudingly watched as Janus hurried to the front of class to talk to the professor. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop Jan even if he tried.

After just a minute or so Janus returned "I got an extension time of two weeks. I told him my poor mum had caught a bad case of tubercolous and I had been faaar too busy taking care of her to have time to finish the essay"

"Your mum is rolling in her grave"

"If we have the same genetics I am quite sure she is cheering me on actually. I'm just the most innocent man there ever was"

"You wanna go to the library and work on it with me? I have thought of the perfect path of getting from here to the library while still stopping by a shop to get coffee While being seen by the least people AND the coffee shop allows app orders. It's a lifesaver"

"Would love to because there is certaintly no chance in the slightest that I will keep procrastinating"

"Obviously dude. Procrastination are what libraries are for"

--

Remus thought once again what humans flesh must taste like. The only time he'd taken a step into a library or ever used a human phone were both times to try and look up what it would taste like.

He thought about the blood spilling out and the veins bursting. He thought about the skin ripping open and giving way to fat and bone. He thought about if that could feed him instead of having to do this stupid fucking succubus shit.

The human had requested oral sex and he'd obliged even though he vastly prefered doing as little as possible because then he could zone out and think about something more pleasant. He had his mouth around the human's genitalia and the image of him twisting his teeth and ripping their genitalia away filled his mind.

He hated the feeling of the human's hands grabbing him. He hated their stupid hotel rooms and their stupid cars constantly making noise and the stupid fan in the background and the stupid overly bright lights and the stupid fuzzy carpets and the stupid perfume they wore and he hated it he hated it hated it. He didn't understand how Roman could love any of this. Any of them.

Bile filled his throat before the human filled it. He choked and sputtered and pushed away to spit it out on the fuzzy carpet. The human requested something else and he followed along. Selfish selfish beings always wanting more. It made their job too easy.

The human was wearing a cross necklace and when it touched his skin it burned. He gnarled like a wounded animal but the human didn't notice. He wished he could hurt them, even just a little. Like how they always pulled his hair and dragged their nails across his skin and spat and slapped and choked. God, sometimes he thought maybe being sent to heaven would be worth it if he just got to mutilate one of them.

-

The human was long gone when Roman entered the hotel room. He looked around for his brother but all he saw was a messy bed and an emptied out mini fridge. His brother must have forged himself on everything, including the plastic wrappers containing the candy. He nearly stepped on a piece of broken glass and groaned as he realized Remus had attempted to crush and eat a bottle again.

"Dukey I already told you that it isn't safe to eat glass or plastic!" She called out to the empty room before deciding to look in the bathroom.

She pushed the door aside and it gave way so easily it nearly fell from it's hinges. Her brother was sitting slumped over in the bathtub with the water up to his ankles and only his socks on. He was repeatedly lighting matches before throwing them in the water to see them fizzle out. Dozens upon dozens of matches were floating like dead fish in the bathtub.

"..Hey" Roman's voice softened if just a little.

Remus turned to her and his eyes were glassy and his face red. A piece of his hair was missing, probably burnt away by one of the matches. She knew what kind of night this would be.

"Let's get you cleaned up" Ro said before putting his arms under his brother's armpits to try and pull him up from the bathtub. Even though he got grossed out by angels he conjured just the tiniest of wings to help give him the strenght needed to pull Remus to a half stand at least. "I would prefer if I didn't have to be your knight in shitty armor all the time you know"

Remus slurred something out about flesh and Roman tried not to reel at the heavy scent of alcohol. He really had emptied the full fridge. She also did her best to not gag at how greasy and sweaty his hair was even when it got pressed against her nice historically accurate corset.

She tried to make him put on his clothes again but gave up as he slumped over like a ragdoll every time she didn't activly hold him up with all her strenght. She settled on putting her coat around him and hoped he wouldn't get too cold.

There was a wound on his hand that blistered and bubbled. Roman got the urge to hug him but reminded himself that Remus was an adult who had to learn his actions had consequenses and that he couldn't be coddled all the time.

"How many times are you going to burn yourself you stUPID-" She stopped herself when her speech turned into a yell and took a deep breathe "You know what happens! You don't have to experiment about it anymore! It's just the same wound every time! I'm going to have to drag you to Emile to get you patched up now! Are you happy!? Do you just want to give me another headache!? Why can you never make yourself sober once you're drunk! You neVER-"

She got close to yelling again and decided it was best to just not speak too much. She held her arm around his shoulders while muttering the phrase to open the door to hell.

".....Even if I don't always like you....I still love you.....You're aware of that right?" She mumbled out while helping him forward.

He just let out another slurred sentence about flesh.

--

"I get worried someone has put a hex on me late at night when I can't sleep y'know? I know it's illogical but it still gives me the hibbie jibbies" Virgil said.

"'Hibbie jibbies' huh? If I had the chance to hex someone I would do it. No hesitation" Janus replied.

It was close to 3 am and they were using one of the college's shared bathrooms as a make-do hair salon. Viv was standing leant over with his head in the sink. At the top of his head his naturally golden blonde hairhad started to peak through so he had to destroy it as quick as possible. Janus was sitting on the sink counter and had plastic gloves on to help massage the black hair dye into Virgil's hair.

"Who would you hex if you could?"

Janus without any second to think immediately said "Billionares. World leaders. Those sorts of people"

"Fair. Fair"

"Dear you're gonna get black dye on your hoodie if you don't-"

Virgil flinched away as Janus moved to lower his hoodie. He backed off so quickly black dye dripped down from his wet hair onto the entire sink.

His hair hung in thick bangs over his eyes as he spat out "It's fine! I got like 20 of these hoodies" He let out a yawn to seem nonchalant "Can you help me out with that" He waved at the now stained sink "I have to shower this out"

"...Sure"

Janus watched as his friend went into one of the showers and drew the sickly blue curtain between them. His bare ankles could still be seen with his light blonde leg hair peeking through. His veins were so noticeable through his pale skin and Janus got stuck watching the way the muscles in his feet moved and how the skin stretched over the bones as he undressed. He stuck his arm out from the curtain and held out his hoodie and boxers.

"Could you ta-"

"No problem" Janus interrupted while taking the clothes.

He folded the hoodie before using all of the paper left in the paper dispenser to try and clean the hair dye stains away. The sound of the shower running filled the room.

Correlation does not imply causation. Janus knew that very well and yet in moments like these he couldn't help but think that a distance had started growing between him and Virgil ever since he came out as gay. The last thing Jan wanted was his straight (and only) friend to get all paranoid over him making a move. The last thing he wanted was to lose him.

Janus and the notoriously straight Virgil are now open for asks!

[theressomethinghappeninginparis]

So, here's the five dossiers I have. Sadly, they're as good as you imagined- absolute rock-bottom journalism. I barely got any new information and I doubt Miss Croft (if she got the "dossiers") would be impressed by this. Maybe that's the saddest "research" I have ever come across. If you need to hire a journalist you better skip on Luddick.

Transcript of the first, second and third page:

Our biggest surprize today was guess whom? Fucking Bouchard! He had business with either Eckhardt or Vasiley, what were the chances? He came all the from from Paris to Prague, I don't know why, but apparently I could contact him in some way. The number I have and the password I got might reveal themselves useful. I'd prefer to only talk to Bouchard about Vasiley and not his business, I like to like to solve this mystery. Also, have you noticed Luddick hasn't even found out his first name?

Transcript of the fourth page:

The next dossier is on Eckhardt, which is a joke since it's one paper. His first name is supposedly Pietri, which sound Slavic but it's unconfirmed anyway. He's based in Prague, is head of the Mafia in Prague (which would tie the killings to non-supernatural reasons) and shoudl be about 60, which is like 500 years less than of he was the Eckhardt from the Middle Ages. Which, given all the information I have connected so far makes less sense than my theories. I never thought I'd say it, but it is more likely this Eckhardt is the medieval one.

Transcript of the fifth page:

This is her! This is the woman on the Icon of Passionforresearchion, if it's her actual name, she is Kristina Boaz. Perhaps someone used her name and photo or perhaps it is her...anyway, it is a familiar name. Now she has a name and also an occupation, apparently she's the director if the Strahov Psychiatric Institute, where I need to go. She also specialized in regeneration of tissue and cryogenic states which makes me think she surely knows our Christian friend, Grant Mueller?

Transcript of the sixth page:

So this guy, Joachim Karel, is a new face. All that's on him is that he's also part of the Mafia, he is based in Paris (which makes me think he has ties to Bouchard/Vasiley/Eckhardt) and it's unsure where his origin is. He seems almost as mysterious as Eckhardt, I'll try to look into him.

Transcript of the seventh page:

Again, who the fuck is that now? Again, Mafia, again, perhaps working with Eckhardt and being in his fanclub, he's based in Amsterdam aaaaand owns The Agency. Which is, as far as the internet goes, a private mercenary group. Wanna bet they are also involved in some way in the murders?

Transcript of the eighth page:

Quick theory: The Agency is a security service and a mercenary group as well, they have bouncers, apparently hitmen and work for military and police work. Kurtis Heissturm Trent has Lux Veritatis blood, he also has or had a dispute with Eckhardt who wants to get rid of the LV and vice versa. Marten Gunderson runs The Agency, which have their main bureau in Munich, Germany.

What if: Trent's father was murdered by Eckhardt/Agency/Gunderson which is not one person but just antagonists to him; thus, Kurtis seeks revenge and tracks these guys down, which- makes him be here, actively working on gunning them down. So if I'm correct, Kurtis and Lara are working on the same thing, and I'm following them. Yeah, the trail of death should be correct and i'm on the right way.

I'll look up the names in hopes to find more on them, and walk around Vasiley's gallery in case I can slip in. It's closed off but I hope Prague police has better things to do and I can check his place out. If Lara Croft was here, she probably already entered his place, which makes it easier for me if she hasn't left a...surprise for me.

[theforgottendrummajor]

Day 113 of Being a Drum Major

I honestly just need to get some stuff off my chest. I'm just gonna write for like 10 minutes and then ignore the rest.

I think it'd be easier if I was the only drum major in our band. Here's the thing. At rehearsal yesterday, I got to experience what it was like to be the only drum major, and it felt so much better than anything else had ever felt. I got to whistle off pregame, I got to do the entire drum major entrance by myself, I got to be the one in charge of everything. And the best part was that no one was criticizing me for the way I was doing things, even though it was my first time. No one was telling me that I sucked at something, no one was shooting me death glares, and no one was making fun of me for trying to do things and for running around the entire field.

And it felt fucking incredible.

My co-drum majors are so hard to deal with. One of them puts themself on a pedestal above the other two of us, just because of the extra year of experience that they have. And instead of trying to help us get to their level, they separate and isolate themself more from us, so that they can have more power. And my other co-drum major is just the most insufferable, immature person that I've ever been around. And honestly, knowing that they weren't going to be at this rehearsal felt like I was taking a breath of fresh air.

I came away from this rehearsal feeling the happiest I'd ever felt. I finally got my "I made it" moment. I finally felt like everything that I've worked for was for a reason, that I could absolutely get lost in the music and love every bit of what I was doing. No one was watching me--and if they were, I don't care. Let them watch. I worked hard for that rehearsal moment to be mine, and I want to have my moment.

Not only do I feel like I'm forgotten when all three drum majors and my BD are there, but more than that, I feel like I'm not valued by them. Like I don't matter. And it hurts more than anything else. My BD tells us that being a drum major means that we're going to be the butt of every joke that she makes, and I honestly don't care. Because if she's willing to joke around with me and show that bit of humor with me, then it makes me feel like I'm seen, and that I'm at a level where I can be joked around with, and where I can have fun whilst still working hard at that level. And that happened today during one of my band classes, and I was able to laugh along and get just as much fun out of it as the rest of the class did.

And you know what? Neither of my co-drum majors were there.

So honestly, this could just be me being absolutely delusional, but I feel like my life would be so much easier if I was the only drum major. For one thing, I'd feel so, so, so much better about myself. One of my co-drum majors continues to put me down every chance that they get, and after suffering from imposter syndrome for a good chunk of last year, the fact that they're willing to try to get me to hate myself just as badly hurts more than imaginable. And for another thing, I'd actually feel like I matter. And that's the other thing--I don't really have a group of friends in band. Sure, I'm friendly with everyone and stuff, but I don't have that same group of people that I call my specific group of friends. And this group just feels like my home. And I want to feel valued when I'm surrounded by the people that mean an insurmountable amount to me, but when someone else who has the exact same position that I do makes it their entire life's mission to tear me down, and I don't have that level of confidence to stop them from making me fee like I don't matter... yeah, it hurts. And honestly, I keep thinking about what would happen if I was no longer a DM, and I've realized that neither of my co-drum majors would really care. I'd like to hope that my BD would care, but part of me feels like the only reason she'd care would be because she was missing an extra set of hands sometimes, or she was missing the girl that wouldn't complain about moving ladders and doing all the dirty work. Not like she actually missed me.

I don't know. I feel like it's been way more than ten minutes at this point, but I just needed to rant. Hopefully things will get easier. Hopefully things will get better. But I really don't know. See you on the field (or not).

Brushed aside,

--theforgottendrummajor

[honestlyvan]

I think I get what you mean about the weird found family stuff. I also don't really love shipping stuff, but, at least in the last couple of years, I find people get real weird about stuff like "oh he's the found family dad" sort of thing. It's hard to describe why it weirds me out, but I think it's that compulsion to give the characters "roles" in the found family stuff, where when I think of irl friends who are as close to me as family, I don't think of them as like a "sibling", they're just in my mind categorized under "family".

Of course this isn't even mentioning the weird sex negative stuff. Sometimes I want characters to have freaky weird sex stuff in their lives! Unsanitized. People into genfic can be weird about that stuff.

Yeah like for me it was the worst during the height of XC2's popularity and the absolute wealth of raging about the anime fanservice game having anime fanservice in it and the desperate urge to Divest From The Queer Horny that came with it. I don't know if the majority of the people perpetuating the moral panic eventually realised they were just useful idiots and the Killing The God That Supplanted Reality franchise was the place to get into endless unnecessary tailspins about sexual purity or not but it definitely put me off on quite a permanent basis in trying to do anything that deals with eroticism in this franchise.

It was all very prescriptivist, it was all very twee, it was all trying so hard to be cuddly and nonthreatening and safe, and it just got so uncomfortable when people were bringing all their deeply sexual baggage into the conversation over a story that, as horny as it was in places, just completely lacked any sort of genuine eroticism to me. The very few things that were hot to me that I was interested in exploring were completely ignored by-and-large, disinteresting to anyone but me, specifically. And I just couldn't get a conversational foothold about them with anyone, so I gave up.

So I kinda have this same problem with XC3 atm where I actually do find some things in it really damn hot and I am embracing the eroticism and then.... I just fail to find people with similar interests so I have no good fic to read and nobody to really talk to about it. (I've dragged two people into XC3 with me to have someone to wordvomit about the OTP to). The overt hostility against sex isn't as present, in my experience, but even if people didn't titter around the sexual aspects of the story as much.... IDK man I am tired and I am not a teenager anymore at this point themes of self-discovery and adolescence and normative pairbonding just don't do shit for me. None of it is queer and weird enough, nobody here is that attractive to me anyway, I'd much rather read gen, but then the gen is also kinda just. Like that lol.

And I know I'm probably biased, I definitely read less Xenofic than I'd like to because I look at how stuff is tagged and the summary and go "is it worth the disappointment" when there's probably good writing being done out there and I'm not giving it a chance b/c I'm fucking bitter. Like it's entirely possible that just like XC1 and XC2 didn't really have a ton of overlap in the fandom, XC2 and XC3 don't also and the things I'm really put off by the hardest are not even a thing in the fandom zeitgeist anymore.

But like man. IDK. The things I want to do with this story and the things people are doing with this story are just... really divergent. This has always been a franchise where I like the worldbuilding more than I like the characters, and then I will have like the one or two characters that I absolutely 100% am completely bananas about and they never get written in ways that I would enjoy reading.