#and even if i was still working you arent fucking entitled to it so why is it such a big thing that i resigned from my job leave me tf alone

[blye-flower]

🙄

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[chaifootsteps]

its really hard to take any comparisons of stolas to other abusive characters seriously because i genuinely dont think viv comprehends shes written an abuser, the same way other authors can comprehend theyve written abusers. she self projects so heavily onto him and acts like his sass is justified to the point pretty much everyone, even fans and critics, knows that s3 will just end up with him living with blitz and working for IMP (which was foreshadowed just oh so subtly in the helluvababies season 2 premiere,) after losing everything (oh no, the consequences of my actions!) because of the full moon deal HE decided to start. he started out doing something bad, acknowledged it once (didnt even apologize to blitz for the deal btw,) and got go back to his life of luxury after his former sex slave said no to his love. he took advantage of the main character in the very first episode and will still be rewarded with him presented as stolas's knight in shining armor, a family who will unconditionally love him because of fucking course they will even though they know their boss had to fuck him or else they wouldnt have their "meal ticket", and eventually, most probably, his daughters forgiveness after she cut him out of his life for.. taking antidepressants. not for neglecting her, not for not teaching her anything about the book she was solely created for, for 17 years, before letting someone else have it without a single worry of what could happen to it, and certainly not because she cheated on his mom with some "weird red dickhead" i can watch other shows with the understanding (most of the time) that that character probably will receive some kind of growth, karma, acknowledgement, or change of their terrible behavior if theyre intentionally written as toxic. or, if their toxicity is supposed to be the point, for them to go full ham with it. helluva boss is neither to me; its abuse tactics and toxic patterns presented as good, like gaslighting, triangulation, and codependency. and an audience like vivs will digest these ideas subconsciously as good if they have no critical thinking skills of their own, which most of them dont. and all while being too afraid to actually hold abusers accountable in a setting like hell of all places. thats why none of the characters even acknowledge the actually shitty things stolas does and arent allowed to not forgive him- because the creator herself is an abuser who doesnt understand, or doesnt want to understand, that being held accountable is about ALWAYS acknowledging the mistakes you made and STILL trying to be better, even if the people you hurt still hate you. not apologizing once, and then getting pissed someone didnt automatically forgive you, as if your remorse means you're entitled to forgiveness. thats how stolas thinks, because thats how she thinks, and thats terrible. i cant even watch these shows in a "im a messy bitch who lives 4 drama" way as much as i want to because watching an abuser get everything he wants after a season of straight up cloaca sucking is NOT drama. its just incredibly depressing and makes me think about the piles of money that couldve been used to make anything other then this, instead of the creators self insert fanfiction of "no one is allowed to judge my character based on my past selfish actions: the overpriced, overstuffed with expensive celebs while i claim i cant fairly pay my animators i force to work exclusively on my shows the musical!"

I think you're spot on, unfortunately. If it weren't for the fanbase slavishly, cultishly lapping up everything Viv gives them and making it a point to incorporate it into their own lives, it would be a fascinating look at how an abusive person sees themselves. Stolas's justifications really are Viv's justifications, and she'll never see him as an abuser for the same reason she'll never see herself as one.

[cal-writes]

⭐️star⭐️ for the writers ask game if you're still doing it? 🥺

sure!

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. 

did you have a particular story in mind though? you can specifiy if you'd like. other wise mhh sth ive been dying to talk about

well a lot of my wips im dying to talk about but they arent done so i'll stick to something ive already published!

Fun Fact for my RvB Fans

A Fragmentary Picture was written partially in 2014 while i was working in a hotel doing breakfast service. some days were so slow id just write fanfic on the notepad i had for taking orders with. i used to do that a lot actually. most of the fics written like that never got typed down. i always really liked the dynamic of wash and maine and the whole idea of how wash got from prison to going on a manhunt with the meta was intriguing. i usually have a problem of thinking in one shots - many of my story ballon into big arching adventures and end up abandoned in my wip folder. im happy i got this one polished and done though! there was some more stuff in that story that i didnt publish or really finish - yet. who knows maybe one day

-

Most people here are probably more interested in Detco stuff I imagine so

I was really worried posting Glue Trap I even considered posting it anonymous or making a second account that wasn't tied to my main. its fucked up content matter and fandom really hasnt been kind to that sort of thing in the past. but people surprised me and were really nice! it was a good feeling to know i can explore fucked up shit without getting cancelled haha (pls nobody get any ideas) but yeah

-

for the Future Detco AU actually another fun fact. originally the stories happened in a different order. the order of the series is the chronological order but when i initially drafted the timeline (yes i have a whole spreadsheet with the order of events post canon and its massive) i had Make a Home and One Trick Pony switched. dunno why i think mostly just because i always intended for shinichi and heiji to get their shit together muuuch later. they still arent even together adjhgdjk slow burn my guys. i have parts of them actually getting together written already but Lucky Charm needs to be done first. im usually working on several installments at once so i also have parts of their engagement storyline written but thats muuuuuch muuuuch later in the pipeline for me. i also got another one shot for future au basically done, i should polish that up. my beta reader has been very busy currently sadly so i dont want to swarm her with work

-

i have also plotted out the Black Org AU with some significant changes to what i already posted here. got a few scenes written. i do hope to have that out eventually but its not a priority right now. sadly the reaction to that one and some people's entitled comments made me less enthusiastic about it so i pushed it back but depending how i feel the whim of writing that is a future possibility.

[indeedaesies]

4/4/23

Cultures in any working industries is stupid & ridiculous.

Everyone rushes & competes who can carry the boss’s balls the highest. Boss takes advantage of his position and literally behaves like the biggest asshole on this planet.

I just got FUCKED by the worst boss I’ve ever worked for and his work bitch, aka The Manager. They’re quite well known in the company as Clown 1 & Clown 2. All for an MC that I had received from a certified doctor as I was diagnosed with Influenza B, a contagious disease and somehow almost everyone in my timeline is getting it in Singapore now. New covid? I was still not well yet I wore my mask and dragged myself to work as I did not want my colleague to be on shift alone, KNOWING how that felt like. Only to be fucked as early as 0830 on a Sunday morning.

Could not wait till work ended? Oh that’s right - coming from “the boss” who works everyday where he comes in at 0800 and fuck any nurse who arrives later than him, has time for exercises in between consults, goes for a two hour break unbothered, goes of as early as 3 or sometimes earlier, complains and bitches when he has to do a procedure for the patients, find faults with nurses, beats the patients up, does surgery without sterilised gloves contaminating everything, sides with his entitled clients who lies to his nurses but comes up with bullshit stories for him and when nurses try to clarify and explain themselves, he takes it as talking back and will make your life hell.

Oh, & lets not forget the work bitch - comes in the latest among all the nurses, dont even bother helping anyone with any treatments in the morning, sits at the front every single shift and claim “as the manager I need eyes everywhere so being at the reception is where I need to be to know everything”, has no idea everyone at work hates her, make so much promises but delivers nothing, turn the nurses and doctors against one another, telling me “as the new manager you should not join in the bitching” but bitches the most, act like someone you can trust behind the boss’s back but immediately give a whole new charade in front of him, acts nothing like a leader, purely lazy, throws the phone to other nurses who are having their breaks when clearly she is supposed to be the one mending the phone as per a receptionist does, will literally talk shit non stop, extremely bias, bitched about a nurse and claiming she wants to terminate her just because this nurse’s mom is a kidney dialysis patient and needs to be sent for treatments, hits patients too, really not around as she is busy chain smoking her lungs out, also leaving work as soon as the boss goes home.

I swear to god, this company’s a J O K E. These two clowns tell clients their pets are safe with us. THEY ARENT, especially not with these two mother fuckers who really, I do not understand why the fuck are they in this industry. Patients are being left ALONE overnight but these two clowns will tell clients “there will always be a nurse to take care of your pet overnight”. NO, there IS NOT! Coming to 5 months, I have seen 4 patients DIE overnight as there was NO NURSE OR VET to take care of them. My heart breaks every single fucking day. I vowed never to work for a company that does this shit and fuck me I was just desperate and an idiot to think I could change this place for the better. These two mother fuckers are inhumane. I saw once the boss CHOKE a motherfucking corgi with the leash because he was fierce. I had it handled, I was already restraining the corgi and this piece of shit grabbed his leash and held him in the air. I had to yell to tell him to stop. That corgi was so afraid. I have seen this monster castrate a cat when the cat was not even down yet all because he was in a “hurry”. I cried and I prayed for the cat because I was useless, I was a nobody and that was all I could do, help the cat recover from such a traumatic experience.

I try my best every single day, to do what I do best and that is to save animal lives. Help them. Be their voice. Make them comfortable. Everything that happens in this clinic goes against everything I believed in.

On that unfateful morning, while getting yelled at by the two clowns, all that went through my head was what would happen if I were to snap? My boss told me “i paid you your full salary to do your job” and tell me clearly what the fuck have i been doing all these months then? Come in to work and open my fucking legs and sit on my ass all day? He told me “I cannot work with you anymore, you took more medical leave than I did through my career. Go find a company that will tolerate this and do not tell me I am unfair” That’s rich coming from someone who is so full of it? Like I wouldnt come to work every single day if I get to not work, pass my surgeries and procedures to my nurses and other vets, go for undisturbed breaks and leave before 4 everyday? And Ive been slogging for them and this was my very first long medical leave BECAUSE OF A VIRUS MIND YOU.

Then coming from the work bitch “You can kiss your manager post goodbye, there is no way I can handover this position to you, this is unacceptable” - well funny how this is coming from someone who is not even FIT to lead a team. Also, I have already mentally checked out the managerial post as I have bigger plans coming my way and that is to get the fuck out of this company ASAP.

All for a medical leave. They know it is illegal to terminate me as MOM will not allow it, so here they are making it unbearable for me.

Dont get me wrong, the other doctors and nurses are amazing. I am really close to them as I bothered to get to know them. I took the time to hear them. I try my best to be there for them or help them. I understood what they go through. No matter what happens outside work, I still come to work every time with a smile on my face and make it worthwhile for everyone. But these two pieces of shit - in it for other reasons. And I do not know, for the first time in my life, what to do next.

All I know is, they can try their very best to get me to quit on my own accord but too bad, I am a survivor. I have been through shits after shits to be who I am today. They want me gone, they’ll have to give me a payout. Funny how this bitch is telling me all these bullshits to put on a good show for him when she’s the one that confirmed me as a permanent staff on my second month and even increased my salary. All because of a medical leave that I was entitled too. Amazing right?

[kingjasnah]

actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020. 

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana. 

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page. 

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters) 

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade. 

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st  century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here. 

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else. 

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd. 

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit 

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world. 

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out. 

[atiny-piratequeen]

honestly i see where you’re coming from about the voting thing but in the atiny fandom it’s really clear half of us are not voting and it’s really frustrating so i kinda get why people are being rude about it because in the end, everyone’s gonna be disappointed if ateez don’t win but most didn’t put in the effort. but also, you’re right, you don’t know who’s voted from who hasn’t so just general posts of encouragement would due instead of coming at directly at people. it is annoying though

Its clear? Really? Because the past couple of times we missed wins, it was just BARELY. People are voting, but you cant put the blame on the group not winning on assuming people arent. People were lIGHTING up my tls with encouraging voting posts. Artists, too. People sharing fancafe content in dms to politely motivate atiny to vote. Atiny are busting their asses to vote. But you have to accept that other bands are too.

It really does suck with voting because 99.9% of the time, only one person can win. You have to accept the reality that sometimes, even with the most effort, maybe the other fandom put in a pinch more. That doesnt suddenly mean ~half~ of the fandom isnt doing shit????

I was spamming votes for mcountdown at all times of the day for answer and sf9 still won. My friends were doing the same. Their friends, multiple accounts until ips were locked out.

Like i said, anon, when you start assuming "half the fandom isnt voting" or "most didnt put in the effort",and therefore start being a prick to people, you dont make them vote more lmao. You discourage them from trying hard or trying harder because at the end of the day, no matter how many people are voting, if the band loses, people suddenly put the blame on us and say we're not trying as hard as the next person, completely ignoring factors like fandom size, popularity in korea vs international fans and the HUGE way that impacts voting, multi stans voting for all of their bands and not just one, and the big one, aha, the fact that other bands are voting too.

It is disappointing to not have the boys win, but you can express your passion for wanting the next win and wanting people to vote to get your idols there, but the moment you start being rude to people, you lose them.

Sorry if this is pointed, but I'm not like that, anon. I dont sympathize with people who bully others into doing what they want because they feel entitled to because they voted. I dont sympathize or reason with the people that insult members of their own fucking fandom for a fucking trophy. And i damn sure dont get why for some reason people think being this way to other people instead of kindly and politely encouraging them will work more than doing the latter.

You'll catch more bees with honey then fucking swinging wildly at them and calling them lazy and telling them they dont put in work.

[caddy-crystal-queen]

Because humanity decides to be fucking stupid I need to return to the wonderful world of a fandom I am beginning to consider myself no longer a part of...fun.

Hello game of thrones fandom, apparently I need to come back to you because I am once again getting swamped with bs that I really shouldnt care about but is becoming almost impossible to ignore.

First off why are you all still dwelling on this bullshit? The show is over, and the next book probably wont be out for another twenty years or so (insert eye roll). I think it's time for everyone to move the hell on. There are more important things to be angry about in the world right now. Are all you bastards so bored, or so lifeless that you have to dwell on a fictional show that no longer means anything?

Second: I've been particularly hit with posts that basically pin Sansa fans against Dany fans. I am so fucking sick of seeing these goddamn posts saying that if you like Sansa you're every kind of -ist and-phobia there is. Theres seriously no middle ground with these people and I dont get it. I dont agree with how Sansa was written in the final season along with the other characters, but liking a character doesnt make you racist. It's getting to be bullshit and I'm beginning to feel awful for people who like both dany and Sansa for different reasons. I will admit, I was a total dany stan and for a short while I hated Sansa for how she was in the final season. But i realized my anger shouldnt be going to the characters, their actors, or their fans. The characters arent real. The actors were only doing their jobs. And fans just have this weird ass pack mentality that I'm beginning to think is incredibly harmful. My anger lies squarely with the writers, DB Weiss and David Benioff. Which brings me to my next point.

Third: I'm actually beginning to feel sorry for these two. Yeah, an unpopular here, but news flash: YOUR GENDER AND/OR RACE DOES NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM CORRELATE WITH YOUR WRITING ABILITY!!!!!!

Stop calling them racist/sexist because they're two white guys who made terrible writing decisions. I know some of you especially point to the death of missandei as proof of their racism/sexism. Yeah, I can see why it could be interpreted this way, and to a degree it's even agreeable. But I also know that this is also a very toxic way of thinking. It leads to very toxic thinking. I've seriously seen entire posts about how white men cant write women or people of color correctly because of these two. Well...what the fuck is correctly? Are we seriously about to condemn every white male author just because of the terrible writing decisions they made regarding their characters of color? What about white women who write colored characters, because I'm a white woman writing a book in which the main character is a black man and if this is how I'm going to be received, then that's bullshit. I refuse to be condemned because of the actions of two guys who seriously need to work on their writing. Hindsight is a bitch, and they shouldve known that killing missandei off in the way that they did wouldve led to terrible consequences. Theres no excuse for it, but theres no need to condemn them forever and a day for it because a year has just about gone by since the ending of GoT and nothing has changed, and I dont think it's going to matter ten years down the road either when a potential remake of the show could be on the table because hollywood is now out of ideas. On to my next point.

Fourth: these characters are not toys. They're characters. They exist, or maybe its existed because the shows over yet the books arent, to tell a story and literally nothing else. They don't exist to push an agenda. They dont exist for you to fight over them and make ridiculous and unfounded claims about others you may not like. And yet what am I, someone who isolates herself from the fandom specifically because of this toxic nonsense, seeing? Supposed fans bickering, arguing, and bitching at one another, pitting these fictional characters against one another like toys on a playground being controlled by entitled, spoiled children who dont fucking appreciate them. You can love more than one character for more than one reason. Like people, these characters are flawed, and you, you spoiled brats, need to accept that. Liking sansa doesnt make you racist, and shitting on dany just because shes dany makes you look like an asshole. You dont have to like the same characters, but you sure as hell have no right to call someone horrible things just because they like a character you cant stand. Let people love the characters they love and dislike the characters they dislike. Neither of these concepts require justification from either side of the fence, since liking a character is a matter of preference and is highly subjective.

Finally: just fucking let people enjoy things. Like seriously, the world is going to hell in a handbasket bad enough. People deserve to like what they like without being labeled something they arent. I happen to love both Dany and Sansa, and I really wish they had been written better and gotten along. But I've also long since accepted that wasnt what happened and moved on. If someone doesnt like dany but likes Sansa, fine. Let them. If someone likes Dany and doesnt like Sansa, that's fine too. They dont need to justify why they like one and not the other to you, and you as an individual have no right to cast judgement on someone just because they like a character you personally find problematic. If you have nothing nice to say then just dont say anything at all. Or better yet, compliment them on something else. The world just needs more accepting and open minded/hearted individuals.

Be kind. Be compassionate. And for fucks sake, just be respectful of peoples likes and dislikes.

[fuck-customers]

Stingy boomer alert & other fuck you moments.

This is a mix of tmshit that has happened at my job. (I'm the one who works in a rural casino in the PNW. Hey all)

So as I stated before my casino is in the middle of like phase 2 remodels, because some spaces desperately need it & others had to be reworked from phase 1. Ok fine.

On 3/30/19 I am told that myself & 2 volunteers have to clear out a bar area for renovation & that I am to continue that action on 3/31. Which is a Sunday (the day I am supposed to get the extra work done from doing 2 other peoples jobs done) AND an inventory day! AND we are open & somewhat busy & short staffed! Fun!

We get a good start 3/30, but then we are told on 3/31 that we moved things to a wrong area. So we had to move all that shit again & finish the project. All the while, I came in at 4pm and still had to put in our alcohol order for the week. AND finish inventory (5 restaurants worth, between 3 people ON TOP OF tearing down and moving a bar).

We got it done, but my ass was still there at 8am the next day (yes. Yes. 16. Fucking. Hours) when 2 of my bosses came in for their shifts. & I had a 3pm shift later that day. (4/1. And no: this is not a joke). And I get snarked at for not having inventory done sooner. My boss kindly overlooked the fact that I cussed at her as I was leaving. But I was still expected to be there at 3. (I asked the AM relief supervisor if she could cover til 4 and she was like "oh but...I have plans..." ME TOO LINDA* LIKE SLEEP SO I DON'T MURDER ANYONE YOU WAFFLE IRON!!) I make it in at 3pm by the skin of mybteeth to find: we still jad to inventory the bar we tore apart. I talked to the inventory queen & was like "that isn't happening but all the alcohol is in the other bar that we *did* inventory so its just paper products & those are now X place want me to just count that off?" And she agrees but Mondays are Hella busy so I don't leave(again) until nearly 1am. Cue 2 days off, half spent just recuperating and being in general physical pain. FUCK my BoH director he was the one who INSISTED that we start the bar remodel now GRR.

So this weekend! (4/7) I come in at 1pm on Sunday to do orders & run one of our restaurants. Someone mentions that one of our renovated areas is to open the following day and I laugh thinking its a joke as it opens on 4/16.

Not a joke! They decided to soft open for the tribe! No one has stocked it except for soda! A fridge, a low boy & a freezer arent working! No one but me knows how to work the smoothie machine! There is no water connected! And best of all: THERE IS NO UPPER MANAGEMENT ON SITE TODAY.

The other supervisors/chefs who have been here for YEARS are like "hurr durr what do?" And I am like OMG GET MAINTENANCE R U KIDDING ME? Omg we have to stock it! OMG ITS EMPTY.

Thankfully AM supervisor #2 (lets call her Rachel) is like

Meanwhile my ass is like

And the 2 veteran chefs are like:

Agdjdkalkdyuejalkdhsyifh

I did have to connect w/ department director (.gif chosen very specifically cause she is kind and a badass but can absolutely challenge you)

& she gave me an attaboy b/c I Handled It & didn't panic & got my important shit done but!

GDI! I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO MAKE UNILATERAL DECISIONS LIKE I DID. THIS IS LITERALLY ABOVE MY PAY GRADE.

My ass left at fucking 2am I worked a 13 hr day & I was STILL FIELDING CALLS THE NEXT DAY.

I WANNA KNOW WHO DECIDED TO OPEN UP A WEEK EARLY AND NOT FUCKING SCHEDULE ANYONE TO STOCK OR PREP? Cause it wasn't Director! UGH CAN WE STOP PLEASE ASSHATS??

And now! The title cunt of this long ass post: THE BOOMER.

So! Our buffet (all the rvcs really) has an 18% gratuity in parties of 8 or more policy. Have had it since I started. This SAME DAY that we are having to scramble to get this rvc stocked and opening ready, an 8top comes in and is charged gratuity. I have been to exactly nowhere in this state that does NOT do this when faced w/ a large party. 8 is the normal cutoff point.

I get a call from my host saying I may wanna talk to the table b/c they said it was forced (if you say no we can't add it, but most people don't say no, they ask 'why') and are being really shitty to the server.

So I ask cashiers: did they day no? No? Ok.

Get to table & one lady is like " this girl is getting 40 dollars of a tip this is ridiculous! Its not like she is BRINGING me my food! I shouldnt have to tip! At ALL." And stuff like "entitled little girl! We are BIG TIPPERS we don't need to be Forced to tip!" And other bullshit like that.

And I exolain its a standard industry policy & if she goes to other local buffet itd haooen there too, amd also clarify that the server is getting 18 something and then ask "Do you have your receipts? *she shoves all 4 at me* OK I can refund your tip, oh hhey who had the credit card & who had x? I can fix all of these..." And everyone else at her table glared at her & were like "No no its fine! We don't need a refund on the tip!"

SHE still insisted though, so I told her I would take care of it & I did. I made sure to ask if everyone else was surr but they declined firmly.

As I walk away I hear them start to argue w/ her & shes just being nasty a.f. & she was nasty when I returned her 3.21 (taxes incl) to her table too & made a point to put all of it but 2 pennies in her purse.

Her entire table kinda stopped talking to her & I assigned a busser to finish out that particular ladies service (drinks, bussing plates etc) b/c even after it was over and done she was making my server uncomfortable.

Tell you what though, every table near hers in my servers section was *appalled* and my server still walked out well compensated but seriously: FUCK that lady. She had no cause to be rude a.f. the server in question is a sweetheart & one of the best.

I hope that bitter twat chokes on a prune.

When it comes down to it: can't or won't tip? Don't eat out!!! Jfc.

[onlyjaeyun]

i know no one asked for this but i really don’t get why people have been saying you did CH dirty or that you‘re lazy.

i really don‘t think people understand that you are as a women with a job/occupation spending your free time writing for FREE on an app for everyone to read. like you don‘t even have to do this but still here you are with many works that i personally and a lot of other people really enjoyed.

i don‘t think they get that them thinking you did bad is relevant. like everyone has different tastes and that‘s ok if you didn‘t like it which you don‘t have to then don‘t.

but telling someone who obviously struggles with people telling them that their work, they put a lot of effort in, is bad (which i completely understand since it seem ppl don‘t know how to give proper constructive criticism) will just make everything worse.

if you have proper criticism you could nicely tell that person and that‘s it. actually considering that you post here on tumblr again for FREE and are not selling any books or wtv people have no right to criticise you at all.

i really need everyone to understand that you‘re doing this in your free time as a hobby(?) and that you have more important things in your life to do than trying to satisfy random people on the internet.

and for you babe please really don‘t get demotivated by comments like this. i can see from everything you‘ve put out that you enjoy writing and you‘re very good at it. but sometimes in situations like these it‘s better to take a break from things. i don‘t know you personally so obviously i cant and wont tell you to just stop writing but dont EVER feel bad for taking breaks or needing a few more days to post a new chapter. getting negative comments on something you genuinely enjoy doing can be the worst for someone and their mental health.

i love you baby take care <3

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!🤍 you basically wrote my thoughts down i cant lie, i could have not worded it better and agree 100%. i think a lot of readers nowadays (cough cough, younger ones) are so used to things being produced fast and in mass that they get super frustrated when you don't do something their way or to their liking and i'm like..you dont pay me a dime..you don't appreciate me at all..you see me as my content and not a regular human being with a life..go fuck yourself 😭���

im so so so glad most of you guys arent as entitled and arrogant and demanding and rude, it's definitely so much easier when surrounef by all this love and support than this negative energy and i hope you know i appreciate you so much. thank you for your words baby i gope you have a great day 🥺🤍

[adultprivilege]

Adult Privilege is when the government makes housing laws discriminating against students

I'm going to walk you through my experience of trying to get house and financial support as a student and why my government has actually put laws in place that specifically discriminate against students. A bit of background first. We all know the typical student stereotype. Even where I'm from, where tuition is free, students still skate on the poverty line and some who can't work, like myself, are below it. My government likes to pretend that just because our tuition is paid and they give out a £4000 loan (most people get into like £30000 worth of debt just to live) every year that students are okay and that they have given them more than enough when this really isn't the case. The rent for my apartment is £900 a month for an unfurnished, 2 bedroom flat that has a leaky ceiling from the leaking roof, bugs that wont go away, single glazed windows, a broken security door and won't allow my cat. We were lucky to get this house, that's considered cheap. Its open plan and its tiny, and financial stress constantly eats away at me. I get no unemployment or housing support simply because I am a student. So then we got a 3rd person who could afford to pay a deposit on a new house and so the hunt was on for a 3 bedroom. A many months long hunt. Some landlords would refuse to speak to us and let us even view a house, apartment whatever because we were classed as more than 2 households. We all arent related to each other. My friend found a potential loophole in what is called the HMO law where he said he could simply say that the house we'd be renting wouldn't be his secondary residence, therefore he didn't count as a household. The government got back to us after an agency said that they wanted that in writing. Apparently you can do this ONLY if you are over 25 and not a student. Most people have graduated and earn a semi decent wage, at least national living wage here by the time they are 25. The government specifically says; The requirements for a property to be licensed as a HMO are governed by the Housing Act 2006. This Act provides (at section 125(4)) that living accommodation occupied during term time by a student is “to be treated as being that person’s only or main residence”. Any guidance on what is your main residence for tax purposes cannot change what is considered your main residence for the purposes of HMO. Accordingly, if any accommodation houses three or more unrelated students during term time, then that accommodation requires to be licensed as a HMO property. (Redacted) Constituency cannot relax any requirement set out in the legislation. What all that bullshit means is literally anyone, even people who have just gotten out of prison and are staying with a few 'buddies' can exploit that loophole but specifically students, who most likely young people, cant. So we arrive at today where my friend and I are actually getting married, I never thought my wedding day would have me marrying a man as I'm a lesbian and he is gay but I guess that means that this marriage will not lead to anything. Even then, fucking marriage. To get a house and a student loan to live off of that isn't based on my dad's income. Its so far to go just to live comfortably, its absolutely abyssmal that this is how far we actually have to go. You'd also have house listings of nice houses and flats near the university at an affordable price and then it would say: No DSS, No HMO, No students, no pets, family friendly, professionals can enquire. Some of them even required that you be over 21 or 25 to apply for a viewing which is ridiculous. And it just engrages me, full on enrages me when they say shit like that. "family friendly" yes because the nuclear family is the only kind of family people have. And when they say "family friendly" they mean immediate family, as in parents or brothers and sisters. No grandparents, no aunts and uncles unless they have custody over you and if you're over 18 they're not considered immediate family apparently because after you're 18 no one can be your legal guardian. But like... You're still not an adult though, so you don't deserve to get paid as much as a 'real' adult, making life more difficult. Its so disgusting and slimy. Everyone needs a home, a place to feel comfortable and safe and students and young people should not be expected to put up with over priced, shitty housing in loud city areas, not be allowed to have pets or eat a healthy diet or for go heating for electricity just because we're studying. We're studying to make their future better! They need to stop being so entitled and ungrateful. Ah yes we'll suffer through all your bullshit 'trials' and at the end work for you and benefitting you in the long run, because that's fucking fair isn't it. Young people, students, are the future. They are contributing to society, they will make the world a better place and benefit the entitled asses of the adults around them who fuck them over. We deserve respect, we deserve a living wage, we deserve financial support and deserve to feel comfortable and to make our own families as we choose. My friends are my family, they don't need to be blood related to me for me to call them that. They are there for me, they give me advice and help me out of binds that I am in. They care for me, they are there for me. Its a hell of a lot more than my dad has done for me in the past 9 years, but somehow he is more 'family' that my friends who bust their asses to make sure I'm okay. This has all got to stop its so fucking petty and ridiculous. Being a petty bitch is all well and good or whatever but when petty and ignorant people are in power they can actually make laws to specifically fuck people over. So many young people on the verge of homelessness and work so hard all because of dangerous stereotypes, ageist attitudes and this whole idea of the 'nuclear family'. These fucks are so backwards, their petty bullshit is literally fucking up their own future and I am simultaneously excited and terrified to see this seriously bite them in the ass. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[bugli-bugli]

TW: insults towards depression and anxiety, toxic behavior, father/parent mention, trauma discussion, self-harm mention, suicide idealization

just a rant because im just too fucking tired of the bullshit of other sites.

i’ve really taken for granted how non-toxic tumblr is in the nice little corner i’ve tucked myself into. since i’m pretty desperate for money, cause now i think ill just have to live off disability if i can even get it.

I gotta say my mutuals and the people who reblogged my donation post, im so fucking grateful for you and i cant thank you enough. but besides the point, rant.

posted my donation post on twitter and later reddit, like the naive fool i am. the first comment i got on the twitter one was very homophobic and the guy was just an overall creep upon a quick look on his tumblr. i responded to him but immediately deleted it cause i knew thats all he wanted was to make me angry. think i was able to get him banned but fuck if i know.

this is more about the lovely reddit post i got

sigh im not going to bother replying and i just reported them, but i wanted to get out of me all the shit i wanted to say. just, first of all i know trolls and shit just do this to get attention, but this on the fucking r/donate subreddit like??? why isn’t it moderated better?? besides the point

i dont care if you believe my donation post is a scam, whatever, believe what you want and move on. i understand there is a lot of people out there trying to get money they can easily get themselves, instead they take it from goodhearted people.

you need to grow the fuck up. i redirect back at this person because, you spent your time, what? hating on a post that might be a scam. and they regularly do this to from just a quick look. so immature and annoying. this hurts so fucking much to hear too cause it strikes a perfect nerve of trauma.

anxiety and depressions are perfectly valid reasons to not be able to hold down a job. they sound like my fucking dad. i have panic attacks when people raise their voice or if there is too much going on around me, like tvs and crowds and what not.

ive mostly been sleeping lately and cant even make myself do simple physical tasks. not just because of my depression but because of my chronic joint pain that i still haven’t fucking got working medication for yet.

plus i have 472147921 other disorders that i havent been able to get diagnosed or help yet because of my stupid fucking parents. who finally are getting me help after years upon years of having obvious mental issues. ONLY BECAUSE a big argument that my sister had to speak for me in, because i went nonverbal and was hysterically laughing because my dad denying he called me fat.

but yeah i cant even brush my teeth, or shower, the only hygiene habits i have are because if i didnt do them my brain would make me have a panic attack or some intrusive thoughts of self harm.

how is it fucking entitled to ask strangers to donate, H O W? i dont think i deserve this, i dont think that im better then other people, im posting this because others who are in similar/worse situations posting donation posts gave me the confidence to do so.

yes im so entitled to be begging on my hands and knees for money because capitalism and my body and mind are working against me. im not even saying HEY DONATE AND IF YOU DONT DONATE YOU ARE A FUCKING HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. or anything even remotely close to that.

i gave the needed information and background as to why we would need money, and why we struggle to get it ourselves. and asked that people at least share, but there is no obligation to go any of these things.

i know i cant live my entire life on freelance transcription but it is LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB I CAN GET. yeah just simply go out and get a real job, because you can totally form sentences around strangers and dont feel like you are going to throw up from anxiety. its not that hard.

i totally have the endurance to do whatever it is necessary in whatever shitty ass 8 hour shift job i could get, because every step i take doesn’t physically hurt. because after walking too much, my knees wont give out ever, that never happens. because i dont have a fear of failure because my dad totally didn’t get mad at me when i took to long to learn something. i have no trauma related to that at all. im a totally capable human being. 

all of these last two paragraphs are sarcasm btw if that wasn’t obvious

i dont even know what couch sufing on craigslist even is. i had to look it up. how is that advice, how. oh yeah just live on other peoples couches, people you dont even know. thats not dangerous at all like HUH?!?! fuck no. if i wanted to get myself killed id do it myself.

also shelters are totally safe, and never have any issues whatsoever. i didnt ask for fucking advice that was going to make our situation worse you p.o.s.

also i know what im fucking doing, im researching and trying to make the most feasible and realistic plan to leave. even if that is i have freelance transcribing jobs and disability and my sister has whatever job and my so probably in the same boat as me. im not just going to move out without the needed things unless i was kicked out. which, as of the moment, none of us are currently at risk of that, yet.

if it really came down to it where Brutus would need to be rehomed, we’d probably do it. but he means so fucking much to us, we dont want to rehome him because we dont have anyone we can fucking trust to take care of him and we arent just going to give him away to whoever. Brutus and my pets and my sisters are all part of our family, and we aren’t just going to fucking give them away.

whatever, the rage is gone, im tired and i want to cry, this wasn’t posted for attention or anything i just wanted to rant. please dont leave negative comments im not in the goddamned mood.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thenixkat]

Animorphs notes: 18

Book 18

Narrated by Aximili

Again I really wish something had come of the andalite traitors thing

Ax’s audience is other andalites

Leera’s like the only planet besides Earth to get an actual name in this joint

Andalites don’t use money

Ax is tryin g to work to get money to buy food

Ax needs to stop dicking around in human morph b;c he’s gonna getsomeone in trouble, possibly killed

This manager is actually a nice person

So Marco caught Ax

They are retelling the event at Cassie’s barn]

They are waiting for news from Erek

So was Ax? Alone at the damn mall? I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again there are rocks smarter than these kids

Erik has hidden chee with him

Of course Tobias fucking spots them all, its not like the chee could make themselves invisible

Hewlett Aldershot the Third, that’s a serious name

Yeerks wanna infest im for reasons and had Iness hit him with a car

Is this the same yeerk infested hospital from an earlier book? I guess boiling a bunch of folks alive and a minor wildlife rampage didn’t do shit.

Marco’s snippy when bored

So, either Visser 3 knows how to morph regular clothes or isn’t hamped by them at all and no one feels the need to mention them ripping through some while morphiong

Yeerks can’t do anything with a comatose host. 

Either the head of the secret service is a lady or the president is

That’s not really how wings work forget it

People have to be seeing this 6 winged bird thing chasing a seagull

Also apparently the kafit is some kinda bird of prey

Ax’s seagull morph has talons apparently

Visser 3 is scared of getting into a tail fight

Visser 3 thinks a teenager can beat him.

They’re right b/c they are shit at fighting

Stand face to face for even more opportunity to injure yerself and give yer opponent a better shot at yer head

Visser 3 nopes out of the fight, breaking a leg in the fall, but morphing human fast

Too much protein keeps Aximili awake

Dinnier at Cassie’s ment a lot for Ax

Ax races around as he wrestles with his thoughts and goes to Tobias to talk about feeliongs

Yeerks infultrating the andalite homeworld was an interesting idea and the writers are cowards

Shut up Cassie

Cassie you liar

If they could aquire from say blood alone, then why don’t they just try acquiring from parts of animals like ever?

Rachel is concerned about blood borne diseases and doesn’t know how most of those are contracted

Ax that sounds like bullshit. 

Ax you just hang with little squeemish bitches

Andalites have weak slow baby hands

How exactly do they plan to acquire blood that they ate as a mosquito? If they eat it it starts to break down from digestion and would be decently degraded by the time they vomit it back up and try to acquire from it.

A random sick kid has seen Ax and now knows his name

More humans have seen Ax

And like what reason with the yeerks have to let witnesses go like? Good job at getting more folks enslaved Ax

Ax thinks about collateral damage for once

...that’s a false surrender. Good job Ax! Not no one on yer side can ever actually surrender! Also a war crime.

Ax jumps out a window and morphs mosquito

That’s still not how compound eyes work

Pop

And now in the imaginary place

Huh, Ax and the animorphs get to see themselves in a 4 dimensional? view

Like tesseracts made of meat

Neat

Why, exactly would Tobias., who is in morph in ya know the shape of a bird not appear as a human jigsaw as well in this place?

They got dragged into Z space by a passing ship

And resqued by an andalite crew

The animorphs and Ax made a scientific breakthrough

.7 Andalite years stuck on Earth

I havent gotten to thhat book on my re read but everything you just said was wrong Ax

So there are multiple pool ships and such

Aximili doesnt actually have to stay with you all

He can fight yeerks where ever he pleases and really kinda needs to see others of his own kind every now and then

That grass probably tastes good as fuck tho after almost a year in Earth grass

Andalites being speciest

“May your great god Cha-Ma-Mib smile on you this day.” religious space frogs

“The continent loomed larger and larger. Most of it was lush and green, primarily jungle. Green like Earth's forests and jungles, but with wide swaths of some brilliant yellow vegetation, too. The northern end of the continent was less fertile, more barren, probably colder.”

Leera

The captian is a traitor

Also it is apparently pretty damn easy to take out andalites if you have even the slightest amount of drop on them

Visser 3 and Visser 4 are friends

That tailless dick fortified and used a weapon

The animorphs decided not to stick around in just listening to orders

Gonna blow the kids out an airlock and hope they survive

None of these fucks think to get in a damn fighter craft or emergency escape and attempt to survive

Just, welp folks we’re fucked time for some suicide!

Also the captain wasn’t even a controller, just willingly on the yeerk’s side

On the one hand Ax did abandon them. On the other the animorphs are not entitled to his service

Also this just isn’t the right time to pick on Ax

This is reallt not the right fucking time, Marco and Rachel are either trying to get themselves or someone else killed with their bullshit

Tobias u fucking chose to live in the woods as a wild animal, Aximili didn’t choose to be marroned on an alien world

You feathery asshole

Tobias vanished

Adi-fuckin-os

The yeerk forces are doing well on ground battle

Ax, the animorphs, the andalites, and the writers have failed ecology

Rachel vanished

The writers just really fucking hate sharks

“The water was perfectly, utterly clear. We were swimming in water that was forty feet deep, and we could see every detail on the ocean floor.

 And what detail! Huge, billowing creatures like white and yellow sails, triangular with biological propellers at each corner. Brilliant, electric-blue worms or snakes, each seventy feet long, swimming in wild schools. A bizarre creature that rose and fell through the water by blowing air into a bladder so thin it was almost transparent. A wonderful sort of fish in the shape of a screw that rotated its way through the water.

 And these creatures weren't scattered here and there, but everywhere. The Leeran ocean was a madhouse of life-forms.

 Spread around across the ocean were bubbling chimneys of rock and soil, encrusted with squirming, writhing creatures, small and less small. My shark senses could feel the electrical discharge from these chimneys, and the intense warmth. As I watched, a massive school of the brilliant blue worms came swirling around one of the chimneys. It swirled and my shark senses could feel the energy flow from the chimney into the worms.”

There would still be fucking predators u nits

“They were mostly yellow. They had skin that was slimy, as if covered with ooze, yet rough in texture, like gravel. They had large, webbed back legs. For arms they had four tentacles arrayed around their plump, barrel-shaped bodies.  The head was quite large, with a bulge at the back. It sat right on the shoulders. There was no neck. The face bulged outward and seemed to have just two features. A huge, wide, almost ridiculous mouth. And big, bulging eyes of a green that seemed almost to be lit from inside.

 There were four Leerans. They were riding on water jets. The water jets were long, narrow tubes, flared in front to make a sort of wing, flared again in back to give extra

maneuverability. Arrayed along the back wing were clusters of very narrow tubes pointed forward.”

Leerans

The crew free some leerans (granted they were going to kill them) b/c the leerans showed them how to get the yeerks out of them

The team morph leerans and are uncomfortable with knowing eachother’s thoughts

Oh what normal space ships arent good enough for crushing ocean pressures now? Gotta have actual submarines?

A lot of these high ranking andalites are quick to yelling and threats of violence aint they

That is a very iffy plan not the least being the yeerks with their mostly terrestrial shock troops would have likely set up camp there anyway it seems. But if u wanna throw away lives who cares

Marco vanished

Talking to scientists and shit

Actually Jake, if all of you vanish b4 u carry out the mission it will be too late for a back up

A world with no predators my ass

Cassie vanishes

Ah, so yeah bats aint flying with torn to shit wings. They’s ded

Jake vanished

How exactly did the andalites get the shit in there in the first place?

Hah, the hork hosts have rocket boosters

Aximili is saved by vanishing

So why were they snapped back in mosquito morph and not just flund full force back into their real bodies

And why snap them all back to the same moment and not staggared into different moments in time

How the fuck did this man feel a damn mosquito bite? A notible aspect of mosquitoes as that we don’t really feel them biting

Genral yeerk panicking over management

End with scene at mall

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

Not to complain abt lateral aggression online but you know that cycle of transphobic women severely misunderstanding the experience of trans men and their complicated relationship with misogyny despite not being women but then also trans men severely misunderstanding misogyny becuase of their complicated experience with having to deal with the fallout of it despite not being women

Yknow that circling piss pool

It seems like whenever i see a discussion of misogyny and like...how children are taught to live under and emulate it. Theres this disgusting mess of transphobes and terfs extrapolating reality out to their theories on "socialization"...but then there are also like 20 transmasc weirdos who are like trying to distance themselves from it and end up essentially saying misogyny or the aspect of it being discussed is fake and all these women are lying bc 'well I grew up as a gurl and it wasnt like that for ME' as if 1. Feeling disconnected from being a girl because you werent one had No Effect on how you viewed girls and how you were treated bc people assumed you were a girl??? Are you fucking sure????? 2.just like...lol at men thinking its progressive and good for them to deny misogyny generally? Lol @ men trying to distance themselves from their role in misogyny...especially men you would expect to have more compassion since they were like a mistakeb target of it...but nope! That just becomes a new excuse to say they cant do a misogyny that goes largely unchecked

Like....if you are aware that your trans or your not

A starting point is feeling a kind of disconnect from the group youre "meant" to be part of

When that group is women, youre inevitably going to also be disconnected in some way from the pain that comes from misogyny, bc on sone level it doesnt feel "meant for" you. Thats someone elses experience. When it happens to you its a mistake.

But then when these discussions come up now were "generalizing". It becomes "oh well this didnt happen with me, one example of a person, and furthermore a person who WAS NOT A WOMAN, so therefore you argument that x is a societal problem is bunk i guess" and its.....just.....So...like peak boy logic idk

When my brother came out so many things immediately made sense for better and for worse. For worse in that i realized why he never fucking helped with chores, he didnt seem to feel any empathy for my mom having to do everything for him, and i had to pick up the slack. It made sense that i didnt have an older sister, and it made sense that all that shit about the plight of the oldest daughter had always made me so like actively angry because it was the opposite of what i thought was my experience. But actually, I was the oldest daughter...for however much of a girl i am yknow but. Different convo.

Biological sex isnt a thing and there isnt really some deeply ingrained set of gender genes ir whatever. Its just feelings. But when youre born into a binary culture where you learn even subconsciously that x is how women should be and z is how men should be...when you dont idebtify with women, you dont idebtify with x. You tend to go toward z bc thats the only other option youve been given.

So even if x is expexted of you, its like completely expected for youre behavior to start shifting before you come out. A lot of people relate to that either bc they were realizing who they were or becoming more comfortable with being that way outwardly. Its not a negative thing. But when were talking abt being a guy...an unavoidable part of that list of guy thongs is misogyny. And entitlement. And sadly the transphobia these men face seems to push them into like grabbing onto these parts ofbbeing a man a lot stronger, and using their unique perspectivw and """insider info""" on what its like to be a woman (even though...again...they arent...so um...) as a tool to discredit them

this is really messy and like Ironically PMSing phone complaining and im sorry but like ohhh my god it annoys me so god damn much. boys annoy me it especially annoys me bc that boy is like saying its transmisogynist to talk abt an actual aspect of misogyny. whne like...no...trans girls are also victims of this. these expectations of women effect them as misogyny. directly. its so fucking stupid like yes a terf can will and often does take real issues and conspiracy theory connect them to making it trans women’s faults...but that isnt the same thing as trying to talk abt the misogyny faced by all women. like. obviously. and a man getting holier than thou abt it and trying to shut down that discussion as something transphobic makes me want to pull my hair out.

this is probably rude but it comes off like he’s trying to make it about him when its not. like ‘this is transmisogynist which is a kind of transphobia and that effect ME!!!” when in reality he’s just...a man complaining that women are talking about their own oppression. it isnt misogynist to talk abt fucking misogyny

and at the end of the day the thing being talked about was the INCREDIBLY WELL KNOWN IDEA that women are specifically put-upon by men and society at large. that women have to do all this extra shit just to exist, then more to not be ostracized, then more that the ‘normal’ expected amount of work that ‘everyone’ has to pitch in, then ‘’’women’s work,’’’then more to keep the men around them from falling to pieces and throwing temper tantrums...and after women do and have done all that, for thousands of years all around the world, we’re still the weak and lazy and simple and childlike ones that have to be protected by manly man who, as we all know, totally do All of The Work. that not being the experience in your family doesn’t make it suddenly dissappear. that not being your experience as a woman, because you AREN’T a woman, doesnt....make women’s experiences...different. but im just gonna unfollow that person and hope someday theyll learn ad well all go about our days bc it would be too much of an unneccessary and pointless effort for me to argue with a man about how women apparently don’t have to put tons of unneccessary pointless effort into dealing with and placating men and how saying so, apparently, hurts women?????? Ok

[sapphic-bifrost]

its funny bc i figured out my ex is now dating the person she was emotionally cheating on me with for months at the same time that i was literally making myself sick just to make extra time for her, time which she repeatedly disrespected and effort which she repeatedly disregarded even though it was negatively affecting every single other aspect of my life and I communicated all of this to her regularly <3

up until that exact moment i would have still wanted to hear her out and try to be friends if she ever pulled her head out of her ass and stopped mincing words with me, but turns out she’d rather move on to the next person who wont ask anything of her at all while giving her everything humanly possible. yknow instead of actually trying to figure out how to be a person with “valid emotions” that doesnt use the validity of their own emotions to nullify the validity of the negative emotions of everyone else affected by her actions, a mindset that causes everyone who has any sort of conflict with her to feel worse and worse about themselves because no matter what to do, she finds a way to make everything your fault and make you feel bad for things that are objectively her fault, and when she cant make an excuse she just stops communicating and doesnt apologize sincerely if at all, and then never takes initiative to actually fix any of the problems that she’s involved in. And then when you finally run out of mental energy bc you’ve been working alone, you finally give up and then she plays the victim, as if her lack of attention and empathy and emotional intelligence and effort isnt the cause of every single problem that other people have with her, problems that could be easily solved if she ever actually listened to anyone tell her anything and thought critically about how her actions affect other people instead of just about how she feels and what she wants.

basically i spent so much of my fucking life on this person and after finding this last thing out, i can finally say i regret it. i dont regret that it proved my own strength of character and faith in people and empathy and patience and ability to choose love until the last possible moment. i dont regret how i behaved because i did the best i could, and it was far more than i should have been doing for such a long period of time. i dont regret how i was, because either i did well or made mistakes and grew from them, no thanks to any communication from her. but i regret that i spent it on someone who wasn’t worth it. i regret that she was the receiving end of my efforts. i regret that i didnt spend that effort loving someone who would have made it all worth the cost. someone who would never have been that expensive to begin with.

i made such a mistake the first time i stayed, and the second time, and the third, and every time i wanted to leave but worked through it on my own without her even knowing, and then came back to communicate with her instead in the hopes that she’d care enough to fix it without the ultimatum of a breakup threat. even the breakup wasnt enough for her to even reflect and be honest and open and actually vulnerable instead of toeing the line of honesty and jumping back at the first moment you arent coddling her. not sure why she still fails to grasp the concept that it’s not other people’s job to always make it easy for you to solve your own problems. they can help, they can be sympathetic, they can listen, but people are entitled to their own reactions and emotions too, especially when the problem being addressed is one that hurts that person’s feelings (especially more when the person’s feelings arent being hurt bc they made a mistake and admitting it bruises their ego, but rather that their own emotions are being invalidated or disregarded or directly attacked). that it’s not your job to have to work to be told the truth. you keep a person’s trust, and then the person who “trusts” you needs to come forward on their own. and even knowing all that, i still swallowed the knife and tried to put my own negative emotions aside to make it ~easy~ for her to actually try and communicate honestly without me coaxing it from her for once. and it was such a mistake. such a mistake to think that with enough patience and enough love and enough unreciprocated work, with enough of a ~fighting chance~, she would become the person i believed she was, believed she could be. it was such a mistake to disregard the hefty personal cost that came with giving that to her, thinking she was worth it. i know all that now, and lord knows how impressed i am that i chose to love her for that long when even before we dated she was the first person to ever make me feel deeply hurt to the point of physical illness. im impressed i even gave her as much as i did. everyone who knows says so too, even those who always play devils advocate and try to help me brainstorm what the other person is feeling to try and understand. they were at a loss, i saw one of the most well-from-the-other-person’s-pov leaning guy stare at the ceiling for a minute, then go “uh. usually i can see the other side but im literally…. ? there is no other side here. you were right and you didnt deserve that. im so sorry” and bitch i almost cried right there

anyways needed to write all this out now that im not raging anymore. current man held me and listened to me talk about it last night because i was so fucking mad and he was so kind and sweet and we moved into affectionate talking and sweet cuddling and after a minute of looking at my face, he put his face into my neck and said quietly “she doesnt know what she lost” and god I appreciate him so much.