#and even failing all this they could have just had cazador make some sort of deal with the chosen

[flamelaz]

The more I question why they didn't have cazador make the pact with rafael instead of mephistopheles the more pissed off I get because that's such an easy solution to give astarion a tie-in with the main plot that he never gets

we know rafael likes toying with people. he likes giving them just enough rope to hang themselves with that would have been exactly what he's doing with astarion because he really doesn't have the power to stop the ritual and raphael says as much

"um actually dzifa descent to avernus states that there are only so many rewards certain ranks of devils can grant " which L+ratio+ descent to avernus *also* says that lower ranking devils can make pacts on behalf of higher devils. And even that would still have made sense because we know that raphael stole the orphic hammer from mephistopheles meaning that he could have used it as an opportunity for an "in" with mephistopheles.

[coriphallus]

The Dark Urge thoughts (and prayers)

anyone whos been following me knows im absolutely not normal about durge and i wanna share some tidbits that are implied, but not necessarily canonised, from their story;

I already made a post about it but it seems like bhaal has a degree of control over whether they live or die. he can deny them death, if they fail the duel with orin.

bhaal can command the slayer. he forces orin to transform if you talk to her about sarevok and the scene makes it clear that its against her will.

bhaal manipulates his kin in a subtler way. in the colony you can find a letter from old durge thats apologising to his father for 'liking' gortash. you can interpret their relationship as something deeper but even if it wasnt, this reads to me as terrified and desperate.

the reason being, if you have a LI in act 2 you get the famous bondage scene. coupled up with the letter above makes me think this is a pattern. bhaal can use their feelings against them. he did it with sarevok and orin's mother, orin's mother and orin, etc... it's not as straightforward as 'if you disobey ill kill the one you love'. you will. durge will.

bhaal is testing them in act 2, he revels in chaos, sure, but in the grand scheme of things he doesn't care about isobel. even if you tell scel that you'll kill her you're told that youre too late, you ignored your urges. from durge, bhaal doesn't expect calm calculated murder, he expects blind obedience. failing to receive that his first punishment is to take away something they cherish. there are no half measures, theres no bargaining with a god.

we get so many snippets of information that this has happened before, their foster family being their first victims. theyre made to kill their support system with their own hands, with no one to blame but themselves. they are actually apologising to their father for being fond of gortash because (in my humble opinion) theyre genuinely afraid.

how many times could this have happened, how many nights durge couldve woken up covered in the blood of someone they love until they gave in, became daddys obedient puppet?

durge is groomed for murder. scel says 'you always failed to conduct yourself without me' and given who he is i dont think hes talking about table manners when he says 'conduct'. durge needs 24/7 oversight to set themselves right lest they get tempted by softer things. lest they dare to step away from bhaals grand plan.

durge do have a choice. just as shadowheart had a choice, just as wyll or astarion had a choice. its a choice only in name.

theres no ending besides refusing bhaal that their friends and LI wont die by their hands. the entire lore of bhaalspawn is that theyre meant to conquer the world in his name and slit their own throat a top the mountain of corpses. as cazador aptly put, 'theyre made to be consumed.'

you can pray to bhaal and the narrator says he won't accept [any offering] but the entire world.

durge (and bhaalspawn) do get some sort of euphoria from murder. they crave it like an addict, but bhaalspawn (on prev games) don't constantly have to grapple with these urges as durge does.

now durge is a slightly special case but not in a good way. its implied that theyre not like a regular bhaalspawn, that theyre made by bhaal directly -so to speak-. which is to say, if youre playing a drow, they are bhaals closest approximation of a drow rather than a drow flesh and blood.

thats why theyre fighting tooth and nail against these urges every step of the way, they are literally bhaal himself(in essence). the personality they develop, the person who calls themselves 'tainted' and 'wretched', the character thats making choices throughout the game, theyre the tumour.

theirs is the story of cycle of abuse cranked up to 1000 and it is in parallel to all other origin companions.

[madschiavelique]

Hello! May I request a drabble or headcanons for a poly romance with Astarion x Fem!Reader x Shadowheart? Perhaps taking place post-game or late Act 3? I’d love to see them trying to navigate their new lives together. It can be fluff or hurt/comfort, whatever fits best to you. Thank you! :)

hey there sweet anon !! okay so it wasn’t specified if Astarion was ascended in this or not so i’ll go the route where he is not ascended !

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ pairing : astarion x fem!reader x shadowheart

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ content warning : some hurt/comfort, mostly fluff (i am so soft for them), fem!reader (although i think it could be read as a gn!reader), no use of y/n

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ words : 1.5k + bonus 400 words (around 1,9k)

( not proofread, english is not my first language ☆)

Shadowheart, depending on if her parents are still alive or not by the end of Act 3, would definitely want to visit them more with you and Astarion by her side. Not only because she wants them to meet you both, but definitely because she is frightened.

Frightened ? yes, because she has lost so many of her memories, and she fears that she might never recover them no matter how hard she tries. Yet somehow, you and astarion being by her side reminds her that the best memories are the ones to come, the one she will create with the both of you.

As for Astarion, he has never been much out of Baldur’s Gate during his life, being tied to Cazador and trying to escape wouldn’t have made it possible for him to get his freedom in any case. 

He had tried to escape, failed several attempts, and never managed to let his mind fully take in that he could taste freedom someday. He has probably dreamed about it though, this need for liberty, for a change of scenery, which he got from travelling all this time with you and defeating his master.

So one word would reunite you three on the matter : travelling.

Now that you had the title of heroes of the nation, or actually, heroes for saving the entire world, you had no worries for anything. You couldn’t wait to travel, just the three of you and see all the places you had only seen on maps, but you had to stick with a few activities in Baldur’s Gate.

Posing for hours on end for painters to make sure your heroicness would live through history, inaugurating monuments to your memory, and all sorts of reunions with bards and writers with each and everyone of you reciting your versions of your adventures.

Some receptions took place in Cazador’s now empty manor, Astarion having inherited the place, and some rings that would allow him to be constantly exposed to the sun if he wished. 

You were not accustomed much to big events like these. The last months had been made of exploring in various armours and dirty clothes, fighting and eating whatever you could find or steal along the way. 

And here you now were, all three of you in expensive clothing, a corset tightening your waist till you felt like breathing was the hardest fight of your life, buffet so full you thought the tables would crack under so much food at any moment, a flute of golden champagne in your hand as you had to boringly listen to whatever aristocrat lady was rambling about before you.

“I’m starting to feel like I miss wearing armour,” you huffed as you tried battling with the laces of your corset, struggling to untie them.

The evening was over, you had all retired to your quarters, undressing for the night.

Astarion’s cold hands came to stop your fingers from any more tie wars, taking the reins to undo them.

“I thought that woman would never stop talking, she could make Gale look like a debutant in the art of monologuing.” laughed the vampire, softly unlacing your cage and allowing you to breathe again, placing a soft kiss to the back of your neck as his fingers came to massage your soft skin.

No matter how many times he did that, you always shivered. Your head fell back on his shoulder, sighing with contempt in his embrace. 

“When will we finally be off of here?” 

“Soon enough,” smiled Shadowheart with her hair down, wavy from her braid. “Pity you have to remove that dress though, I could get used to seeing you wearing more of those.”

Her smile was contagious, and you allowed it to place itself on your own lips. She came to help with your hair, removing the assortment of pins, pearls and other ribbons in them, kissing your temple and face from time to time as you giggled.

She was right, soon enough you three had gathered everything proper for a good trip. You didn’t have many belongings, moving from one region to the other during your adventures had taught you to not get too materialistic. 

This hero's-pass was however useful in many aspects. You were given goods for your travel, scrolls, alchemy necessities, and big fancy tents with comfortable futons. But the most interesting and probably useful gift were the three horses and the donkey given to you, the latter given to carry your belongings.

“Tell me this isn’t some sort of bad joke made by Halsin,” asked Astarion as he arched a brow, eyeing the dapple grey stallion that was about to be his new road companion.

“Scared of a different ride than us ?” you chuckled as you lifted yourself on the stirrup and pushed yourself on your mount.

“You’re hilarious,” sighed the rogue, biting the inside of his cheek as he seemed unsure as to the way he was supposed to handle this thing.

“Have you never been on horseback, Astarion ?” Shadowheart ended up asking.

“I think your clarity of judgement must’ve understood by now that during the last couple of centuries, I didn’t have the best scenery to ride those kinds of things.”

After convincing him numerous times that the horse would not stomp on him or do a rodeo as soon as he went on top of it, he finally accepted to get on it.

Thus, your trip began. It had no end in sight, just the beginning of something new with your two loves, and that was all you needed to know.

As you were about to take a path leading you to another region, Astarion stopped, turning towards the silhouette of the city for just a moment before following you and Shadowheart. 

“Is everything alright ?” you asked after a few minutes, Astarion lost in thought.

“Hmm ?” he asked as he raised his eyes to yours. “Oh yes, I’m fine it’s just… Odd.”

“Odd ? What do you mean ?” asked the Shadowheart.

“Well,” Astarion started, “I thought that some sort of magical invisible rope would tie me back again to the city and forsake me to leave. But the further we are from it, the more this feels… normal ?”

“I feel the same way,” she seconded, “my purpose was pulling me to it, and now I don’t feel anything.”

“Exactly, but it doesn’t make me feel empty, more like…”

“Liberated ?” she smiled.

“Yes, liberated...” he hummed as he repeated the word with a satisfaction.

The journey went smoothly, the familiar sensation of resuming the adventure in a certain way taking hold of your heart, but the firmness of your saddle leather reminding you of the discomfort it could cause. 

It took Astarion barely an hour to start complaining, two before he finally decided to get off his mount and walk, and three to convince you to take your first break.

It was a pattern ready to be repeated for all the days to come. There were no itineraries, only discovery.

Passing through new areas meant that a few villagers and other locals would recognise you. You were offered food, asked to touch the heads of new-born babies as if you were saints, and children crowned you with daisy tiaras.

Some of the smells of the food revived in Shadowheart the ghosts of a past that was gradually revealing itself to her. You stayed overnight in villages, and she always listened to the stories told to children before going to sleep, hoping to recognise a character from one of the stories, or the feeling of the petals she pressed tenderly between her fingers, reminding her of such distant fragments of fields coloured by all sorts of flowers. 

You could see it in her eyes, every time the past pressed its fingertips to her temple and squeezed its hands across her throat when her voice broke, that glimmer of hope glistening in her eyes.

You took her hand every time, encouraging her to go back to her memories as far as she possibly could. She looked at you with such tenderness, each time.

Every morning, without missing a beat, Astarion would wake to see the sun rise from its slumber. The feel of it on his skin was an embrace he loved and cherished every single moment.

When the three of you shared the same bed, and he didn't want to wake you up by moving around, he'd just sit there, upright, waiting for the rays to pass through the curtains.

The first joy of the day was a ribbon of sunlight that wrapped itself around your hand and caressed your shoulder, and Astarion traced it with his fingertips without waking you up. He would never dare disturb your peace.

It was after visiting everything there was to see that you finally decided to settle in a pretty, dilapidated stone house that you renovated with your own resources. To this day, you receive your friends when they would be able to afford to come and see you, and you bask in your freedoms.

Bonus content for this : 

Several months into your travels, you had already received Gale's invitation to meet him in Waterdeep, so that he could find out more about your new life and see you all again.

You set off, and soon enough the realisation that you would have to take the boat to shorten the journey seemed to displease your two companions. 

‘Are you sure we can't make some better use of the horses ?’ interrogated Astarion.

‘We have mostly made them walk and trot a bit, we could surely make them galop just a little?’ Shadowheart rejoined.

But they finally gave in when the entire length of the journey by horse was compared to that by boat.

The two of them tried as best they could to stuff themselves with anti-seasickness potions, but as the effects of the latter were short-lived, they remained cloistered in the holds of the boat for the duration of the journey.

Back on dry land, you took the horses that had travelled with you for the last little stretch of the journey. Having finally reached Waterdeep, you asked the first passer-by where Gale Dekarios was staying.

You almost expected someone to look at you with round eyes of incomprehension as to whom you were searching for, but with a broad smile the passer-by gave you a precise indication of where he was staying.

Gale welcomed you with open arms, his new mage robes modest yet exuding nobility. 

‘I wish I could say otherwise but sincerely, the beauty of a cloth doesn't equal the kind of comfortability I had when we were in the middle of the Absolute's schemes. I sometimes grieve for these times, I never thought I would admit to it one day but I have got to say that ending the day with mud and whatever creature's blood we'd encountered on my robes sounds more thrilling than some of the books I now own.’

When Gale started a sentence, it was hard to stop him in his flow of words, and although it may have made you huff and puff at times, you had missed it.

It was while discussing Shadowheart's memory that Gale suggested a spell that he had been trying to master recently, allowing you to reopen memories buried deep in your brain.

During your stay in Waterdeep, Gale helped you to piece together Shadowheart's memory and restore as much of her past as possible.

[grandmother-goblin]

Field Study - Chapter 1

Ao3 - Masterlist

Summary: Grappling with changes that came along with his newfound freedom, Astarion unexpectedly catches feelings for a socially awkward, yet incredibly sweet, ranger from Neverwinter. Astarion doesn’t want to put a name to those feelings. Doesn’t want an attachment that could be ripped away at a moments notice. But damn, does Cas makes his conviction to remain unattached, to use her as a tool, seem impossible.

Relationships: Astarion x Female!Tav

Rating: Explicit (18+) for eventual smut.

Word Count: 4.5k

Chapter Tags: Mentions of past trauma, manipulation, alcohol use, vampire typical blood drinking.

Fear had a way of leaving scars on the mind like blows left bruises and cuts on the skin. No amount of wine could wash away his nightmare, but that did not stop Astarion from trying.

Crickets chirped into the crisp night air and the occasional frog croaked somewhere deep in the dense foliage bordering the nearby river. Even if running water once burned his skin like acid, Astarion hoped the sounds of the gentle river and creatures of the night would lull him back into some sense of calm. Those failing, however, he could at least count on the alcohol content of the shitty wine he swiped from the Druid’s grove. 

It was better than nothing. 

Astarion let the glass bottle dangle between his fingers as he leaned against the mossy base of an old tree. Between its sparse leaves, the light from the stars and moon dotted the grass beneath his feet with silver slivers. A beautiful night, under any other circumstance. 

As it was, between the nightmare and the novelty of sleeping in the woods, Astarion felt like someone or something was lurking in every shadow, waiting for the right moment to strike. Despite most of his companions sleeping meters away, and another patrolling the area on the lookout for such threats, Astarion had tucked a dagger into his belt before he snuck off alone.

In the days since they escaped the mind flayer ship, Astarion had volunteered to keep watch at night. Brain worm or not, Astarion still needed to hunt. Even if everyone in his vicinity was on the cusp of becoming monsters themselves, he still couldn’t trust them with the knowledge of his affliction. Most didn’t seem to suspect a thing. Even if they did, walking in sunlight kept that suspicion from turning into an accusation.

What would Cazador do to him when he learned Astarion could walk in the sun, and he couldn’t? Astarion took a swig of wine and grimaced. 

Cazador would probably just kill him. 

Being able to walk in the sun would be completely unacceptable to his master. No. His ex-master. Astarion let the wine linger on his tongue for a moment. 

Was Cazador still his master? Did he still have complete and utter control over him? The illithid tadpole had changed so many things. So many of the rules that all vampires had to abide by, no matter how powerful they became. Were Cazador’s commandments among them?

There was nothing stopping Astarion from finding out. The first rule was by far the easiest one to test. Thou shalt not drink from thinking creatures. Four such creatures laid in the bedrolls, helpless in their sleep, curled up by the campfire. The fifth… who knew where the hells Cas went. Supposedly, she was keeping watch, but Astarion had not seen a glimpse of her in the half an hour he’d been up. 

From the little he knew about Cas, she seemed to be the responsible sort. So either something terrible happened or she was just lurking nearby with her nose buried in that journal she always seems to be writing in. Cas had explained it was a field journal. Astarion saw a drawing of a leaf on one page so he assumed it was all nature related, but he did not care enough to confirm.

Closing his eyes, the sounds of nature served as a soothing background to the thoughts trampling through his mind. Would it be worth the risk? To try to bite one of his companions? No. He should just wait until… he had an opportunity that might never come. Something stirred in his stomach, a mixture of fear and anxiety that made him want to get up and do something. Clearly just ruminating on his problems only made them grow.

“Astarion?”

Astarion started, eyes flying open while his hand gripped the hand of the dagger that was tucked into his belt. Embarrassment flooded his face from his cheeks to the tips of his ears when his eyes landed on someone who was very much not a threat. At least, not at the moment.  He was so in his head that for a split second he thought it was Cazador. Not that Cazador sounded at all like that or would speak to him so gently. 

It was just Cas.

Although Cas wore the same leather and hides she did in battle, she clearly was not expecting a fight. For one, her brown hair fell a few inches past her shoulders instead of tied back in a ponytail and her beige coat made from some animal’s hide was tied around her narrow waist, leaving her upper half completely unarmored and vulnerable.

Cas crossed her bow-toned arms, her expression utterly unreadable except for the smallest hint of amusement on her lips. “This is the second time you’ve pulled a knife on me, Astarion,” she said, as if she was admonishing a child for staying up past bedtime. “Is there something we need to talk about? Anything you want to get off your chest?”

Astarion exhaled, tension flowing out of him with the breath. “Terribly sorry,” he said with an apologetic grin. “I wasn’t expecting to see your lovely face at this time of night. You never know what could be lurking in the shadows.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, dismissing his second attempt on her life just as easily as she did the first time. “I didn’t mean to creep up on you.”

Astarion chuckled despite himself and pulled his hand from the hilt of his dagger. “Apology accepted, my dear.”

Cas adjusted her bow over her shoulder and shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her eyes following the blinking fireflies that permeated the night sky. Silence fell between them and somewhere near the river a frog croaked over the chirping crickets like a crier over a crowd, but Cas seemed unbothered by the sudden lapse in conversation that Astarion found uncomfortable at best. Unfortunately, Cas could not hold a conversation nearly as well as she could hold a knife or a bow. 

Astarion sat up and cleared his throat. “Did you need something? Or are you just going to stand there like foliage?”

Brown eyes flickered to him. “You should be resting for tomorrow,” she said. “What are you doing up?” 

“I’ve gotten my rest for the evening,” Astarion lied easily. There was no way he was going to share his nightmare with her. Even though she did seem to be the trustworthy sort, Astarion did not want to involve her in his business if he didn’t have to. “Besides, I got a feeling you might need some help keeping watch. You’ve been doing a piss-poor job considering you’ve been missing for the last half an hour.” 

Cas rolled her eyes. “I was checking the fish traps, if you must know,” she said. “With the pemmican I made yesterday, we should have enough food to last a while if we don’t care for variety. But eating the same thing day after day can get tiresome.” 

“True,” Astarion said and tried not to think about the thousands upon thousands of rats and bugs Cazador forced upon him. 

For the first time in two hundred years, he could actually pick what he wanted to eat. The wilderness provided an endless array of entrees to choose from: deer, boars, bears, whatever he wanted really. Maybe, just maybe, even the wood elf standing right in front of him was fair game. Maybe when she turned in for the night, he could….

No. Even entertaining the thought could spell trouble, given the brain worms and their unpredictable tendency to link minds when he least expected it. The last thing he needed was to be chased out of the only group of people that might be able to help him. 

Yet, the thought persisted. Out of everyone in their rag-tag party, Cas seemed the least likely to murder him on the spot. Especially given how she so willingly accepted a Gith into their little group. Surely a vampire was not as bad as a Gith, right?

He needed to hunt. It had been almost a day since his last meal and, although he was used to being hungry, it was still something he’d rather avoid. Going out into the forest was another thing he’d rather avoid given his nightmare. Cazador could have lackeys lurking anywhere, ready to kill him or worse. Between the Gith and the famed Blade of Frontiers, they might think twice before tangling with his new companions. Even Cas, a backwoods ranger from Neverwinter, was a force to be reckoned with.

“Would you care for some company?” asked Cas as she shoved her hands in her pockets, trying much too hard to pretend she didn’t care about his answer.

Astarion raised his brows but gave her a flirtatious smile, inviting her to join him. “What kind of company are you offering, darling?”

“The quiet kind that won’t wake up the whole camp,” she said and settled into the grass next to him, close enough that he could feel her warmth. 

Personal space, he realized early on, was not something Cas was great at. When they had been at the Emerald Grove, Nettie had all but told Cas to stop breathing down her neck while she dug up notes on the tadpole from Archdruid Halsin. Astarion did not take the proximity personally. It was just how she was and, in that moment, he was fine with that. 

“A pity,” Astarion said with a wry grin. “We could always ask them to join us.”

Cas snorted softly and shook her head. “I would rather we didn’t, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Not fond of our companions, are you?”

She shrugged. “I like them when they aren’t talking to me like I’m an idiot.”

“Ah, so not at all then,” Astarion replied lightly. 

Cas did have a point. The Gith talked down to everyone, which was to be expected from her people and her way of life, but the others did not have such a strong excuse. While Gale was polite, he tended to talk to Cas as if she were a child. Shadowheart also acted like Cas was burdened with some inexplicable naïveté about how the world worked. Lucky for him, their companions had set the bar for common decency so low Astarion tiptoed over it without even noticing.

Well, he and Wyll. But Wyll seemed far too focused on finding a devil called Karlach to pay Cas much mind. 

Clearly not wanting to gossip too much about their companions, Cas changed the subject and they fell into easy conversation. Oddly enough, chatting with Cas felt almost natural. Perhaps it was because she wasn’t some unlucky soul he was seducing to bring back to Cazador. Or one of his siblings who would have pounced on the opportunity to stab him in the back. Not that Astarion could trust Cas, but she was pleasant enough that he could at least try to enjoy himself.

For a few precious moments, Astarion even forgot about his nightmare. But it crept back all too soon, like little tendrils of smoke that grew until it completely clouded his mind. 

It wasn’t like Cazador could let him have anything nice. Not even a moment. 

Cas seemed like the type that would have delighted Cazador. Exactly the type Astarion would have targeted whilst prowling the taverns and inns of Baldur’s Gate to bring back for him. Attractive, young, and stupidly trusting. It would have been all too easy to lure Cas back to the palace. Just some wine and a few kisses, he would touch her just right and make her want more, then he would walk her through doors that she would never walk out of again.

Cazador would get a lovely meal and Astarion would be left with nothing but hollow numbness.

But it didn’t have to be that way anymore, did it?

Regret started gnawing at the back of his mind as Astarion noticed a vein on her wrist. He never should have asked for her to stay. Not a slight on her company, of course. He was just too hungry to think straight. 

Were she not the most valuable ally he had in recent memory, he’d have half a mind to pin her down and sink his fangs into her skin. Maybe she would fight him, maybe she would submit. He had never bitten someone smart enough to truly fight back, so he had no idea what to expect.

Astarion swallowed and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. Just not at her. Not at the lovely veins on her wrists and necks. Trying to focus on only the sounds of crickets contested against the metronome of her pulse. 

He should really leave before he did something stupid. If he even could do something stupid with Cazador’s commandments still ringing in his ears. If he tried to take a bite, could he—

“I’ve been thinking a bit about the other night.” Cas brought her knees up to her chest, snapping him from his thoughts. “When you said you didn’t want me to run off when all of this is over.”

“What about it?” He had forgotten that entire conversation until she mentioned it. It was adorable that she remembered.

“What would you want to do?”

“You know, I hadn’t thought that far.” He hadn’t thought about it at all, truthfully. “Like I said before, you’re an incredible ally. It would be a shame just to go on our merry way once the brain bug is gone. But when it comes to what to do—” Astarion gave her a suggestive smile and lowered his voice “—I can think of a few things.”

Cas rolled her eyes as if she were painfully aware of his attempt to steer the conversation in another direction. “Don’t you have loved ones back in the city? A life you want to get back to?”

“Not one I want to return to, no,” Astarion replied and averted his eyes to the forgotten bottle of wine dangling between his fingers. Though the mind flayers inadvertently allowed him to flirt with freedom, at the end of the day he was still bound to Cazador. The last two hundred years had been focused around that bastard up until a couple days ago. The mere thought of returning was enough to make his throat feel tight. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

“I wasn’t going to pry,” said Cas as she bumped his shoulder good-naturedly. “Put that face away before you wear it out.”

His brows drew together. “What face?”

“The one with sad puppy eyes.” 

“I don’t make ‘puppy eyes,’” Astarion rebuffed, only slightly offended by the accusation. Not that he had seen his eyes in two hundred years, but vampires were better known for piercing, blood-chilling, glares than sweet ‘puppy eyes’. Astarion scoffed at the sheer audacity of the statement. 

“You do too,” she said with a soft giggle. “Even though they’re red like a vampire’s, they’re surprisingly effective.”

His stomach sank. Surely she didn’t mean anything by the comparison, right? No need for the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end, though they did anyway.

Astarion forced a smile as he passed her the bottle of wine. “That’s an oddly specific description, darling.”

“If the shoe fits.” Cas smiled back and tapped her dainty white canine teeth to emphasize that his eyes were not the only things she noticed. “I think they’re very pretty, by the way. I didn’t mean any offense.”

“None taken.” Astarion idly tore at the blades of grass beside him and tried to quiet his nerves. “Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if I was a vampire?”

“You specifically?”

“Humor me.”

Cas stretched her long legs out in front of her and leaned back on her palms, chewing her lip as she took her dear sweet time mulling over her answer. Several long seconds passed. That croning frog started up again, and Astarion briefly considered adding the nuisance to the menu that evening.

“Nothing,” she said finally and took a swig directly from the bottle. “Why would I do anything?”

“Really?” He turned to face her, his eyes wide (and definitely not ‘puppyish’). “You’re confronted with a monster who wants nothing more than to drink your blood, and you wouldn’t want to ram a stake through my heart?”

“Well, I’m assuming you’re not trying to murder me,” she said. “Obviously I would defend myself if you were. But if you’re not trying to murder me, and you happened to be a vampire, why would I do anything at all? It’s not like our situation has changed.”

“Except it has, sweetheart.” Astarion wrapped his fingers lightly around her wrist, his thumb brushing over her pulse, feeling it beat against his skin. “Because if I were a vampire, I would need a source of blood to stay strong.”

Cas looked down at where his ivory skin practically glowed against her rich copper flesh but made no move to pull away. “Plenty of bandits and animals out there,” she said, her voice nonchalant even as he heard her heartbeat quicken. “You’d be doing us a favor.”

“But what if I wanted something a little closer to camp?” Astarion traced his thumb over the dark blue veins of her inner wrist. Her pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out the noises of the night. His mouth almost watered just from the gentle throb of her pulse beneath his fingers. 

“I’m not sure how accepting our companions would be,” Cas said, talking as if they are merely picking a spot to have dinner with no regard to what was on the menu.

“And what about you?”

Deep brown eyes locked onto his, both curious and maybe a little hesitant. “Is this still hypothetical or is this a confession?”

“A confession, darling,” he said with a breath of laughter, like she should have known the conversation was never hypothetical to begin with. “What do you say? It won’t hurt, I promise.” His eyes dropped to her slender neck. “Please.”

Her chest rose with a deep and steady breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. “I’m not worried about it hurting.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s risky,” she said. “And I’m not too keen on dying, either by turning into a vampire or by exsanguination. Or having to fight you off of me. I know my limits and you’ll probably win if it comes to that.”

“I’m merely a spawn, so I can’t turn you. As for your other concerns—” he brushed a loose strand of hair away from her neck, eyeing a dark vein crawling towards her pointed ear “— I’ll be careful. If I go too far, I’m sure you’ll figure out something.”

A flicker of a memory passed through his mind accompanied by a needle like prick to his brain as the worm connected their thoughts. For an instant, he saw through Cas’s eyes: a warm, wooden, candlelit washroom with a porcelain wash basin below a rustic mirror framed with tree branches. A handsome male wood elf stooped over the basin. With a blood soaked towel pressed against his neck, his expression was utterly calm in the mirror as he said something muffled by the memory. Astarion couldn’t be sure, but he swore he heard the word ‘mistake’ in the elven tongue. When he dunked the towel into the basin, four deep puncture wounds marred the side of his neck and dragged towards the front of his throat. Blood trickled down the basin and so did the memory, fading into anger, fear, and a strange sense of admiration.

Astarion blinked away the vision and his eyes fell to her neck. To the same spot where the wood elf from memory was bitten. Just below the jawline. 

If the worm showed any of his memories to Cas in return, she did not acknowledge it. Maybe, in some cases, the connection could be one sided. There was still so much they didn’t know about the beasts nestled in their heads, but it had only helped them so far. Astarion in particular. It wanted him alive, and it wanted him to see that particular memory. Astarion did not know what it meant, nor did he think it was a good time to ask. Not when he felt so close to something so forbidden.

“I think if you want to have your fangs at my throat,” Cas began slowly and produced a dagger from a holster latched around her thigh, “then it’s only fair I can hold this to yours. For insurance.”

Astarion eyed the white metal blade he had seen cut through goblins like butter. “That won’t be necessary, my dear,” he said with a forced smile that he hoped was reassuring. “I’m not some monster. I won’t go too far, I promise.”

“Then we shouldn’t have a problem,” she said. “Up to you.”

Astarion gave an exasperated sigh. It was too good of an opportunity and he would have been a fool to pass it up. “Fine,” he said as if she suggested he wash dishes or some other mundane chore. “Come here. Let’s make ourselves comfortable.”

After a short, albeit awkward, conversation, they figured that it would be easiest for Cas to sit on his lap facing him. With her knees dug into the earth on either side of his hips and the side of her face pressed against his cheek, any onlooker would think they were a couple of lovers having a midnight rendezvous.

Though her dagger did not touch his skin, he could feel its presence like a pair of eyes watching from the darkness. Astarion wrapped one arm around her waist and brought his hand to the back of her neck, pulling her hair aside like a silken curtain. He dipped his head and the tip of his nose traced the column of her neck as he inhaled her scents. The salt of her skin mixed with campfire smoke caught in her leathers barely masked the rich aroma of her blood. Saliva pooled in his mouth in anticipation of the decadence beneath her skin.

“Remember, not too much,” she cautioned, her voice low. “I don’t want to be woozy tomorrow.”

He did not dare to move. Not when he was so close. “You can trust me, darling,” he said, his lips hot against her neck as if the ghost of a kiss would soothe her. 

His heart raced and a chill crept up his spine. What if he couldn’t do it? What if Cazador’s commandments still had a hold over him? He opened his mouth and let the tips of his fangs graze her delicate skin. 

Only one way to find out.

Muscles tightened beneath his fingers and Cas gasped in his ear. Blood, the most amazing blood he had ever tasted, filled his mouth and trickled down his throat. 

Warmth blossomed through him, starting at his stomach and reaching his fingertips. His arms wrapped around her small frame tighter, holding onto her like a moment about to fade away. The blood was decadent. Savory. Like the most perfectly cooked steak in the fanciest restaurant in town or a vintage wine a lord would serve his guests on a special occasion. In comparison, an animal’s blood was like boiled rice and watered down beer. No wonder Cazador forbade it: it was just another way to deprive his slaves of any semblance of joy the world had to offer.

Gods. It was wonderful. Incredible, even. The blood still flowed from his bite mark on her neck, but he already found himself wanting to sink his fangs into her again. And again. And again.

“Astarion.” He felt the vibrations of her voice when she spoke, quiet yet commanding. “That’s enough.”

He wanted to pretend he didn’t hear her, but the cold metal against his neck quickly changed his mind. He dragged his tongue across the fresh wound, lapping up the blood with the efficiency of a cat before he withdrew from her. 

“That was amazing,” he marveled as he licked the last of the blood from his lips.

Cas stumbled off of him, legs shaking and face pale as she sank into the grass beside him. She pulled her bag into her lap, retrieved a clean rag and pressed it against her neck. There was a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead, and it almost looked like she was going to be sick, which would have completely spoiled the moment.

After a few seconds, Cas asked him to open the water bottle that was in her bag since both of her hands were currently occupied. One kept her from slumping into the grass while the other was red with blood that seeped through the rag.

She splashed a fresh towel with the water and wiped at her neck. “Water can’t take the place of a healing salve, but at least it can wash away some of the anticoagulant in your saliva.” She tried to laugh but it came out more of a pant. “As if nature didn’t make vampires deadly enough.” 

Astarion must have made a face because a weak smile tugged at her lips. ‘Anticoagulant’ was not the most appealing word to hear after the best meal of his life. However, it seemed she knew what she was talking about. The first rag, once a beige color, had already turned a deep red. However, Astarion was too caught up in the exhilaration of drinking the blood of his first thinking creature to dwell much on it. 

Exsanguination be damned, he could not remember the last time he felt so strong. So happy.

Cas scooted back until she could lean against the tree. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm as she closed her eyes. 

Something stirred within him, deep and primal, and he found himself leaning over her. The scent of her blood was still so strong, captured in that rag she pressed to her neck. Before he could get any closer, he felt a firm push against his chest.

“Don’t you dare,” Cas said, but without any malice behind her words. Like a playful warning, knowing what he wanted to do yet believing he would not actually do it. 

Oh how wrong she was.

Lucky for her, she still had her uses.

Astarion put some distance between them despite his every instinct urging him to keep feeding. He cleared his throat. “As delicious as you are darling, I should probably find something more filling,” he said. Then, just to be polite towards his most gracious donor, he added, “Do you need anything before I set off?”

Cas shook her head. She pulled the towel away and dabbed at her neck with two fingers, winced, and replaced the rag. “I’ll feel better once I eat,” she said and began to shift through her bag with her free hand. “You probably will too. Happy hunting, Astarion.”

For some reason, the words made him feel warm inside. Or maybe it was just the blood. In any case, he found himself smiling at her. “This was a gift, you know. I won’t forget it,” he said and stalked off into the forest, his nightmare long behind him.

---

Next Chapter

[ltleflrt]

@clownsecret hells yeah I'll tell you ALL about it 😆

In response to this post - I'm making my own post because this leans into dark-fic territory, and I don't want to put that on your post if it's something you're not interested in and don't want to see in your post notes. General Warning for dub-con and violence and the really kinky stuff. Featuring Dom!Raphael and sub!Astarion.

The Kinks:

-BDSM, which comes with real contracts, which could be under-negotiated due to desperation, or meticulously negotiated but Raphael will still find a way to make it hurt worse than expected through language loopholes and fine print.

-And speaking of BDSM, SO MUCH SADISM. I am a huge fan of sadist/non-masochist pairings, omg so hot. Pain play of all sorts! Crying! No comfort! Someone's going to need a healer when it's done, but the orgasms were still fan-fucking-tastic! Unless no orgasms were allowed, which is also it's own kind of fun lol

-Wing kink! Imagine Raphael's victim ahem I mean his lover finding out that his wings are sensitive in a sexy way. His lover using that against him. Distracting him from all the dirtybadwrong things he had planned for the scene.

-Tail sex! See above. Plus double penetration, fucking his vict-LOVER I MEAN LOVER with his tail and not his dick, holding limbs in place with his tail so that both his hands are free. It can be used for bondage!

-Gentle, intimate sex as a reward for good behavior. YUM.

Now imagine all of that with Astarion! I am a massive fan of whump porn, and Astarion would add an extra layer to that kind of fun because he's already been through fucking hell with Cazador. This is exactly the kind of stuff he was trying to escape! And now he has to sign a contract agreeing to put up with it!

So you'd have to come up with a reason for him to put himself in that position. Raphael's not just going to snatch him up and start tormenting him. He's going to offer a deal that Astarion will have to agree to voluntarily. Maybe Tav was a dickbag and wouldn't help him with Cazador. Maybe he trades his service for a way to walk in the sun again. Something where he's so desperate that he'll turn to a devil for help even though he said he wouldn't do something so stupid in Act 1 and 2 of the game.

So Astarion signs a contract. He was a magistrate, so he might negotiate the fuck out of the contract, but not have enough leverage to get certain clauses he wants, so he has to give up some protections he tries to build into the contract for himself. And he's like "I can put myself through hell on purpose in exchange for this thing I want desperately. It's only temporary, not forever."

Then there's different ways he can act under contract. Maybe he's not able to turn off the sass, and he pisses Raphael off constantly, getting himself punished all the time. Raphael falls in love with Astarion's inability to just fucking behave, something that made Cazador just punish him more, but makes Raphael start easing off because otherwise he risks breaking his side of the bargain because there's really no taming Astarion and oops Raphael actually doesn't want him tamed anymore.

Or maybe Astarion locks himself down, reigning in the sass and the rebellion, because he knows how to avoid punishment, and unlike Cazador, Raphael can't punish him without reason. He tones his personality down so much that Raphael is disappointed in his behavior because he didn't want a sex doll, he wanted a challenge. He wants Astarion to fight back and risk failing to hold up his end of the bargain. So he starts going gentle, which confuses Astarion. Neither of them know how to handle this change in dynamic, and oh no now they're having conversations instead of sex.

And I don't want Astarion to fix Raphael. I want Raphael to make Astarion worse. Encourage his bloodthirsty side, cheer on his competitive nature, let him be a sneaky little bastard, motivate him to start participating in the politics of Hell. Oh, it turns out Astarion is good at infernal contracts? Let's amend our contract so that Astarion can trade working with his mind instead of working with his body.

And bonus if Haarlep and/or Korilla haaaate Astarion because he's getting all of Raphael's attention, and they're jealous.

This is exactly the kind of unhealthy fucked up dynamic that I LIVE FOR. (Which is really funny because all my writing is fluffy af lol)

[avernusfuries]

"If it's all the same to you, the House of Hope looked just about as empty as Cazador's palace does the last we've been to it. I'm fairly certain that Halsik fellow wouldn't mind terribly letting us through... And with my newfound talents, I can be incredibly persuasive when I want to, my love. Even more so than before." (have an ascended vampire boyfriend making plans with the love of his life after this thing ♡)

Once upon a time, Karlach had learned what it had meant to love him. She understood him in a way that some never could. Not completely. She knew a thing about unwilling servitude, and though both experiences had been entirely different from one another, they had been as equally as brutal. She had wondered, in the aftermath of his ascension, if she would have to learn to love him all over again. A little differently. The fact that he would to Avernus with her with barely a second thought, and stall his power grab on the throat of the city to ensure that she wasn't alone, proved to her that he was still the same man she fell in love with.

Different, but the same. He no longer carried his fear like dead weight on his shoulders, his stalk more proud and a glint in his eye that she imagined he might've had long before the grips of immorality and the shitstorm that came after it had taken it from him. Karlach loved this version of him too. They would be as devoted to one another as two people could truly be, and in Avernus ... Well, that was as rare as teeth on an owl bear or tits on a fish.

A part of her wished that she could thank him properly, and in her own way, she did. She did in the I love yous and the viciousness of battle when she was in the heat of it, when her body took hits meant for him and utilised that pain and turned it into anger. Karlach wouldn't have to worry about her old heart failing her, because there... here she was in her element. He was a quick learner. Would use his newfound powers to strike fear into the hearts of any that crossed the path of the terrible twosome, and fuck, had they fought.

Zariel would hardly grant them a moment's peace, and Karlach and Astarion would be formidable foes for they had the one thing her best soldiers couldn't replicate: a bond and synergy that was more than head-deep, it was webbed and threaded throughout the both of them in a way that no amount of burning, scars, or near-death experiences couldn't kick. Suddenly, very suddenly, the looming threat of the hell didn't seem so bad. Dread was briefly replaced with a girlish sort of excitement that made her tingly all over.

As much as she wanted to give him an easy life, and to love him how he deserved to be loved, it was not in the cards for them. Instead, they had an entire lifetime by each others' sides.

Fuck, they would make such a good team.

She had never put much thought into what would've happened to the House of Hope after they had run it through. It would longer held the same busyness in the absence of Raphael himself ( good riddance, Karlach thought! Fucker got what was coming to him! ). It was a stroke of genius at its finest, and Karlach could have fucking kissed him. Almost did, too, before she caught herself. Karlach let out a small bark of laughter. "Gods, I never even thought about that place. Burnt it out, after that stupid fucking song got stuck in my head."

It was far enough away that Karlach and Astarion would have a moment where they could recoup and recover when the need arised, and with devils enjoying the privacy of their own homes ... It would be exactly what they needed.

"And I know a thing or two about those persuasive talents of yours. Fell victim to them a time or two." A pause. "In a good way, I mean. You're good with your words. If they don't work, I can scare Helsik into giving us the run of the place, don't you worry."

[mybg3notebook]

I LOVE reading those, so just right from the beginning, I wanted to say that I'd love to see you keep up the good work, but with that being said, I just wanted to add my two cents if that would be okay!

Overall, my thoughts on those analysis, is that they're really on point huge majority of the time. But they misunderstand the most basic part of his character. He is not psychopathic. He has emotions, feelings, but just as you said, is also a victim turned abuser, that is in constant survival mode, and is actively trying to insure his survival by means of manipulation.

The scar reading scene is the biggest example of them being, to some degree, fundamentally wrong. He is vulnerable in that scene, showing trauma and genuine shame. Even though he is doing is very consistently, he's not manipulating Tav in that instance. It's one of those rare raw moments where he drops the facade.

He was a bad, corrupt man as a mortal, but that doesn't exclude him from also showing the subtilty of simply being quote "human"

Underneath that mask, he's scared, and traumatized. And those factors manifest as him entering the cycle of abuse and that 24/7 survival ensuring strategy.

Hello!

Thank you very much. It's very nice to read someone disagreeing in a mature way, since I've been receiving several hate messages from Astarion fanatics (because there is no other way to call them, defending a fictional char as if it were a holy symbol when in the end it's all about EA and the interpretation done by a nobody). I'm glad you enjoyed these notes and I thank you for your insight. However, I'm afraid that I’ll stick with my interpretation because, so far, I don't see strong enough proof to see him in another way yet.

If you check the list of approvals and disapprovals of Astarion, he has a very psychopathic behaviour in my opinion. Psychopathy is characterised by lack of empathy and remorse, and disinhibited, egotistical traits. Reading the list of meta-knowledge I've compiled, it seems fair for me to use that adjective to describe him.

The whole interpretation of his character would be very different for me if he truly would have been a victim before turning into a vampire. But he was a victimiser before, and ended up as a vampire because of his own greed and abuse (again, all EA). In a way, Cazador “brought” justice to Baldur's Gate (a wicked justice, that is). This is why I insist that I see the story of an abuser who found a bigger abuser, not the story of a victim turning into a victimiser. He started as victimiser, and as a spawn, he became victim of Cazador, aspiring to retake his position of victimiser.

I agree with you. I never denied his “humanity” as vulnerability. I emphasised many times that, like any victimiser, he suffers his own pain. Being evil doesn't make him immune to it. But it's always about him and himself. We all agree that since he is free for the first time in 200 years it's reasonable that he is more than eager to just think only about himself. So, once more, all these characteristics we agree revolt about himself and his pain, which is what psychopath cares about. I just add the context of his mortal past, which was of an abuser as well.

For some reason if you describe Astarion with what we see in the game, some people think you are judging him, and there is this need to justify all his list of evil approvals and disapprovals because he became a victim of Cazador after failing in outsmarting him in his corruption. But the raw description of his persona is that: a psychopath, who approves most assaults, and assassinations without being provoked, he approves all sorts of cruelty, animal cruelty, slavery, torture, humiliations. He even comments/approves Arabella death's and Mayrina's tragedy as “funny” shows. We don't see remorse when he accidentally kills Tav, supposedly the unique ally he has so far. He was sure that he had gotten ridden of Tav—his secret was safe—, so he is surprised when he sees them alive, and then he dismisses Tav's anger, adding that they should thank him even, because he is not a true vampire. The datamining scenes only show he suffers his own curse, and aspires for more power to be free first, and to bend the will of others, later. I only see a reiterative psychopath behaviour mirroring Cazador. I know that if Tav doesn't fail those checks during the bite scene, Astarion says that he won't forget the gift (a gift Tav doesn’t know because only via datamining we know that scene was not about thirst). I point this out just to show how, in the only reasonable situation in which we could have seen remorse, we see none.

The scar scene, in my opinion, is about vulnerability as you say, true. And shame, shame for having been too careless in outsmarting Cazador and ended up as his spawn after accepting his bite. We see this is an issue since he is pretty sensitive when Tav suggests to outsmart Raphael. He feels that mistake deep in his bones.

I see you understand the scar scene differently, and it's totally valid. My main goal in doing this blog was to keep my own interpretation in one single place, to easily share with friends, and to keep it as an archive for when the game is fully released so I can see how wrong I was or how much the characters changed. And also, as a side-consequence, to share it with the fandom if they want to read these long posts since an Astan friend encouraged me to do it. Evidently, this was a terrible mistake according to a certain group of his fans.

Again, I never denied that he is not traumatised, nor scared (therefore his paranoid attitude with Cazador), but he comes from an evil past, passes through vampirism (which increases even more his evil traits) and spent 200 years under a sadist master. Then you see all of his approvals and disapprovals, all the confrontations you can have with him with a good-aligned Tav, and the bear-drunk scene (which implies that any attempt to keep a facade is lowered because he is drunk on blood), I can't see, so far in EA, any hint that can tell me he wants to be something different of what he is in terms of evilness (also, why would he be? Bg1 and Bg2 have many wonderful Evil chars that never changed their alignment in the 2 games, not everything is about redemption, which is exactly my point in the post of Power). He only wants to kill Cazador, hinting that he may be the next most powerful vampire afterwards (with the help of the tadpole). We all see how much he enjoys the tadpole powers to bend the will of others. But he doesn’t care in the slightest to inflict upon others that mind control that tortured him for more than 200 years. The lack of empathy in him is obvious to me: he doesn’t even hesitate to inflict on others what tortured him for centuries. All these details bring me to interpret all what I wrote. And again, I’m describing him, this is not to judge evil chars. I like evil chars too, my point is I work with what I see.

It's also true that all the info we have is in EA, but like I said before, my interpretation is neither “sacred word” nor “unable to change''. So far, I see all that list of content in EA, the datamining information, and the Dev's notes (which were really key for me to see many details I was not seeing) and I conclude what I did in those analyses. The devs notes made me realise that more than one situation was manipulative when I was understanding it in a more honest way. For this reason dev's notes were removed from the game. Sven said that the core concept in the relationships with the companions was going to be trust. Evidently Dev's notes were ruining that process. So, sadly, no more narrative peeks in the code.

So, I agree to disagree. I never had the slightest pretension of being... I don't know, “the truth” of anything. If some people think so is because they love to misinterpret what's plainly written. Or my English is truly that bad.

With all this said, once more I thank you for being the first mature message in a while, and I thank you for your opinion. I also would take advantage of this message to say that I will refrain myself from doing Astarion-related content anymore. I'm very tired of these attitudes in fandom. I don't want any more headaches. From now on, I will focus on the rest of the companions instead.

Thank you again.

[lairofsentinel]

What can we say about the relationship between the tadpole and the person who appears in dreams?

[Baldur’s Gate 3, Early Access, Spoilers]

At a first glance, in a careless attempt, we immediately connect the tadpole with the image of the person in our main char’s dreams. One is inclined to think it is the tadpole itself asking for the host to let them in. However, after carefully watching the scene, and checking all its options... I started to doubt it.

During Early Access we only can see four dreams [video compilation of the dreams]:

The first one, in which only the voice is heard for a couple of seconds, shows a weird... tentacle-like creature? It’s not made of the gray skin of a Mind Flayer, it’s red, and unless it’s a terrible bug... it may say that we are in the presence of something different than the usual Mind-Flayer. In fact, I think it looks like a tiefling or a Cambion tail/wings (they have thorns). Could it be Raphael’s since he is red? How do we explain those boots in the top of the screenshot?. Maybe it’s a mere bug.

The second one, in which the main char awakes in that intense green garden, has a peaceful sense to it.

The third one is when that desired person in the dreams shows you an enemy you stab in self defence, and then you observe an entire city under siege.

The forth one is when you have the ability to kill that person in the dreams.

After having the second dream, we can talk about this with our companions. All of them, except by Astarion, explain that their dreams were about desire and power. About a promise. 

It's clear for us that Gale dreamt about Mystra and Wyll about Mizora. Both women are the embodiment of power and desire. We don't have a clue who Shadowheart dreamt about, but we know is a he that represents the same values. Astarion is the one who disrupts the pattern. 

He dreamt about Cazador, which is for sure the representation of power, but of his desire? At first I thought it was a twisted taste forced onto him over two hundred years of slavery. As a slave, maybe he had to learn how to enjoy the worst things just to endure it, so the incredibly wicked and twisted insinuation of Astarion being attracted to his tormentor... was surprising at first. Especially when you explore his dialogue and he shows a strong bad reaction to such insinuation. 

Thinking about it a bit more, I realised that maybe Astarion “desiring” Cazador is another thing he is forced to do against his own will. Or maybe it's the typical consequence of the vampire relationship with the sire: the childe is always attracted to their sire, no matter how much they hate them. Astarion is not even free of having his own desire due to Cazador's power, so... his dream about Cazador was another display of the control that such figure has over him. Therefore, we can say that, in the end, he is also following the pattern, but his desire is commanded by being a vampire spawn. 

When it comes to the main char, we also know that such figure in their dreams is someone they are attracted to [that's exactly what we were asked to do in the character creation part].

The tadpole in the main character's head reacts negatively to this desired person, and it’s strange. It can mean that the projection of that figure and the tadpole are not the same (Gale, are you wrong?). The figure acknowledges the presence of the tadpole and the transformation in process, and they seem to be in power of stopping it if only you let them “in”. But the presence of the tadpole is always there while interacting with this figure, uncomfortable and wanting to get away from that desired person. The tadpole feels threatened by this figure. 

At times, this beautiful figure feels like an entity proper of a demon, asking you to let it in and possess you. We know by Shadowheart’s comment that this voice appeared in her head when she was in the ship, so that we can assume it started to affect the hosts by the same time the tadpole process started.

The hag provided us the most valuable information I found out in the game. She confirmed that the tadpole has been altered, as everyone had suspected. But not only that... they had netherese magic, shadow magic (*) in it. This, however, feels wrong in terms of lore: mind flayers detest arcane magic, they believe its a corrupt version of the psionic power they have. Mixing it with their traditional birth procedure looks odd. Odd if this new experiment is only their idea. Maybe the big mind behind these new tadpoles is not a Mind flayer.

With this bit of information given by the hag, I was inclined to think that this magical compound may explain the presence of the person in the main char's dreams. What surprises me is that the tadpole wants the figure away, so how is it possible that both, the figure and the tadpole, work one against the other? If we assume that the tadpoles were altered to perform a transformation of some sort, shadow magic embodied by that figure and the tadpole should work together. However, the tadpole triggers hunger and animal instincts to rip that figure out. It feels endangered. Maybe it’s because the whole procedure is an experiment yet.

The desired figure keeps claiming they want you to help, but in the process, they also tell you that you can be more powerful and conquer Baldur's Gate [yes, despite the blurriness, it is enough to distinguish the characteristic entrance of the city].

[image from the trailer]

The last dream is one of the most disturbing ones. You awake with symptoms of your skull starting to change its bones, and apparently, the presence of the figure is the only thing which is preventing the transformation. The figure is irritated. You can ask them for help you because the parasite is going too far. The figure says that they need to go deeper into you to calm down the “animal” inside. And once more the tadpole activates a defence mechanism. 

You can indulge yourself in the desire of destroying the figure apart, and you ride the figure strangling them and killing them. The figure calls you “monster” and tells you that you deserve what's coming for you [which I assume, it's the standard Mind Flayer transformation]. The experiment may have failed in this way since you destroy the stasis.

If you resist the impulse of killing them and at the same time resist the intrusion of the figure, the figure is disgusted with you. The figure only is understandable with you when you tell them the truth about your impulse of killing them. They will state that they knew about it, and they trust you to control it while they go deeper into you. 

It’s disconcerting if the sudden hunger for death comes from the tadpole (I put my coins here) or from the figure going deeper into you. I assume it’s the tadpole because the figure will call you monster and wont be happy if you indulge yourself in that hunger. 

By the end, the figure calls you ungrateful if you resisted them once more and tells you that the next time you meet them, you will ask forgiveness. Early access allows that last dream and no more.

Hypothesis

Now, all these strange urges for murdering the figure makes me wonder if the magical compound that now these tadpole have is related to some evil divine entity, playing a role similar to Bhaal in Baldur’s Gate 1 and 2. In those previous games, you and a bunch of people were direct spawn of the God of Murder, and in a couple of occasions, you had strong urges to kill losing control of your character [and killing NPCs you were fond of]. What if... this new tadpole is an experiment combining the Mind-Flayer procedure of birth (needed in order to have a completely different body for new demi-god powers) with a divine-infused-magical compound from the shadows. What for?. I don’t know... maybe to create an army of demi-gods? [following the usual flavour of Baldur’s Gate series]. 

This procedure, if it’s as such, could allow to have god-spawn creatures without the God sleeping with mortals and waiting mortal-gestation times. xD If we follow this train of thoughts, and we believe a God is behind all this, it must be some tyrant God, like Bhaal or Bane, since the dreams are all about power and control, showing Baldur’s Gate under siege. Maybe the procedure is not perfect, since there are two different effects working one against the other: The shadow magic that infuses a degree of divinity is about desire and power, but the tadpole’s only interest is to go on with the standard Mind-Flayer procedure. 

I thought about this divinity-compound because we saw that there are third parties interested in this new particular tadpole: Raphael. What Gale says to you after his visit is a fact: if a cambion become interested in these tadpoles, it’s because there is more than souls at stakes. But all of these are specualtions. The only certanties are:

Tadpoles are not only Mind-Flayer-made.

They have been altered with Shadow Magic (weird for Mind Flayers).

The Tadpole and the figure which offers you power are different entities.

The more you use powers of command, the more these dreams come and the more it triggers the Mind-Flayer transformation.

The figure in your dreams is the only one preventing the Mind-Flayer transformation.

Conventional tadpoles only cause Mind-Flayer transformation in a week.

Extra information I found later [here]

More content of bg3 in general [here]

-------------

(*) Shadow magic is a Weave-base magic in the Forgotten Realms. It comes from the Shadow Planes connecting to them via the Weave. It's not related to Shadow Weave (an alternate Wave crafted by Shar), something I talked about when explaining some bits of Mystra [here]. You use the standard Mystra-Weave to use shadow magic, but it's not rare that users of shadow magic find some affinity with Shadow Weave. Apparently it's a type of magic strongly related to a human [Tethyrian] ethnic. Churchs of Lolth, Mask, Set, Shar, and Shargaas  show interest in this type of magic. 

[enamis1]

OC INTERVIEW

it’s that time again where I ramble about stuff only i care about! i got tagged, as always by the lovely @courierspikeee and i'm tagging @worthlesssix if they're still around and wanna do stuff 1. Choose an OC. 2. Answer them as that OC. 3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

[Three months after the Second Battle of Hoover Dam and the declaration of Vegas’s independance a young ‘news courier’ managed to orchestrate an interview with the local courier-turned-leader on the casino floor of the Lucky 38]

1. What is your name? Viva. Or Empress Vivianne if you wanna be fancy.

2. How old are you? [she rubs the back of her head] somewhere in the ‘thirty’ ballpark I’m guessing 

3. What do you look like? You have eyes don’t you? And yes the white hair is natural. No, I don’t really know why it’s like that. Apparently it’s some genetic condition. 

4. Where are you from? Where do you live now? I'm from the West. I've been told. [pause] Maybe. But as far as anyone’s concerned I might as well be a native Mojave-ian. Won't be leaving Vegas or, hell, even the Lucky 38 anytime soon.

5. What was your childhood like? I’m sure it was fine. I mean, I have no memory of it, but I’m sure it was /fine/ 

6. What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions? [she groans] As you can imagine politics are a bit uhh… tense at the moment, what with me kicking the NCR out of my city and all. Our current alliance consists of the Families, the Kings, Freesiders, the Boomers, and the Followers. Once we get our issues here sorted I'm extending my hand to all the independent settlements in the area and we’ll go from there

7. Tell me about your best friend. Which one exactly? ‘Cuz I have a few. Oh, I know, I can tell you about this guy [she points over her shoulder to a securitron with a static smiley on its screen] This is Yes Man, he’s my second in command. [the robot raises a clawed hand and gives a cheerful ‘howdy’] It's not that i couldn't manage coordinating a brand new, independent nation by myself, but he does make all the busywork and number running and security that much easier. And he yells at me if I forget to eat or sleep for a few nights [Viva proceeds to glare at the robot, its smile unchanging]

8. Do you have a family? Tell me about them!  [Viva glances away for a moment] My friends are my family. [pause] and even if we don't get along entirely, that's just how it is. I wouldn't trade any of those fuckwits for the world.

9. What about a partner or partners?  [she gives a single loud laugh] Do I look like I have time for shit like that? Especially now of all times?

10. Who are your enemies, and why?  I’d hazard a guess and say at this point everyone who’s not my explicit ally [Viva drums her fingers for a moment] Of course the NCR is going to pretend to be nice for now, but politics is like chess. Complex, and annoying and I hate it. Give me a year and i’ll be begging for the Legion and their blunt insanity

11. Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?  Oh I’ve heard of them alright. [she grumbles under her breath] Good people. Bad priorities though. 

12. What about The Enclave? [shrug] no comment 

13. How do you feel about Super Mutants?  What you mean the ones up north? They're great and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I mean, yeah sure they're pretty scary to be around, especially if the nightkin get antsy, but they're decent people. Marcus is… Marcus is a good man.

14. What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in? I… [she trails off, thinking] There was… /is/ a man. Who knew me from before. Long before. He challenged me to face him in a grave of ash and… I consider the three weeks it took to track him though the pits of hell as one very, very long and very exhausting fight. [she pauses again] That and all the verbal sparring along the way. And… everything after, too. 

15. Have you ever fought a Deathclaw? I mean… I've shot Deathclaws. And they're about as pants-shittingly terrifying as they've always been. But that's what the .50 cal is for

16. Do you like fighting? [she grins] I like shooting, I’ll tell you that much 

17. What’s your weapon of choice? [Viva holds up her finger to pause and proceeds to heft up an Anti-material Rifle. It’s new with a faint silvery sheen, and only a little scuffed from use, the Gun Runners logo still visible on the side. It is custom made, with every possible attachment, some parts are black carbon fiber. There are three bands of color around the stock and several engravings including six letters -CALBVR] [Viva is gleefully beaming as she wordlessly shows off the gun] 

18. How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?) You don't get to where I am without a bit of everything. But you could say my speciality is shooting, robotics, and outplaying people in the games they weave. [she tilts her head back and hums] Back when I was still just a mailman i knew how to hide in plain sight. Saved my life more often than not. That and brass knuckles. Very effective. Anything mechanical is child’s play too. Can't figure out how to cook geko without burning it though, so all the money I saved on gear i spent on food. [she rubs the back of her head and mutters through her teeth] and bandages. so. many. bandages. I swear the world really wants me dead and is having better luck at it than I am

19. Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?  Plenty ‘round these parts. Can't say I'm fond of lurking around /in/ them but… Marvels of tech those things, shame most of them failed. There's actually one or two I want to strip for parts in the future. If I can get the wildlife out beforehand that is. 

20. How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?  Radiation and I have a… complicated relationship. [she turns to the securitron and mutters something with a slight smirk. Suddenly the lights of the bottom floor wink out. Viva faces forward once more, her already unnaturally green eyes now glowing with a faint, sickly light. The lights flick on just as suddenly with a loud clack and the woman giggles] Honestly if I don't end up as a ghoul by the end of my life I will be /very/ surprised

21. What’s your favorite wasteland critter?  Do… Do the robots count? Because I'm going with the robots anyway.

22. What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?  I’d say it starts with death and ends with claw, but that's not right. At least with those fuckers I know where to aim, no, first place goes to cazadores, the best reason for carrying around a shotgun. 

23. How do you feel about robots? [she gestures to the dozens of securitrons surrounding them with a wide grin] Bliss, home, paradise and then some. 

24. How many caps do you have on you right now? I mean- [she rummages in her pockets] I don't have my bag with me. 23. I can't fit more into these pockets they're too full of specialty ammo.

25. Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?  Nuka. I fucking hate Sarsaparilla and I know it's blasphemy in these parts, but listen, if you're dehydrated and all you have to drink is that mind-meltingly awful shit i'm looking for the nearest cactus to suck on

26. Do you do chems?  Uh. [she rubs her neck and nervously bounces her leg] I mean. Mentats are uh. Pretty… pretty great. [she bites her lip] Next question?

27. Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?  It fascinates me. What a life they lead to have created tech of this calibre [she gestures to the casino once more] I keep on finding parts of the old world that shine though, all the good, all the awful, all the same, always there. [she thinks for a moment] Like the past isn't as distant as people want to believe. But maybe that's just me… I've had more run-ins with old world ghosts that you’d believe. And I don't mean my previous employer either.

28. What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?  [her expression darkens] [after a minute of silence she shakes her head] Can't change what was done. No point dwelling. 

29. What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve? [she exchanges a look with the smiling securitron] Right now? We’re in step four. There's a lot of steps to go. [exhale] And every single step takes more effort than anyone realizes. Because a lot of people don't think. Don't think about food, don't think about water, don't think about safety, don't think about business, don't think about what's next. I have to. And it's hard yaknow? But I've done more than I could ever imagine. I dethroned House, I defeated the Legion, I defanged the NCR. That’s more than most can say…

30. What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world? [she sinks into her seat] I didn't do all of this because I thought it’d be fun. [her expression darkens to a cold seriousness] Vegas is something else. Vegas and the Mojave. Everything that's happened here is that much more important than anyone realizes. This place is a crossing point. A bridge. Between the West and the East. And bridges can't belong to either side. I need to make sure it stays that way. I need to make sure this place, everyone who put their faith in me, /my/ people are safe. Are fed. Are… Vegas has to prosper as it stands and everything else’ll be sorted out in time. That's what I want. The Mojave to thrive. And so help me I haven't walked through storms of fire and death to let all of this fall apart. [she raises her eyes, a haunting look with a smile] So tell everyone who’s gonna be listening - I have the shadow of a nation behind me. I won't waste it this time.

[magalamantle]

SO THIS IS... a really long post of a bigass ask meme, all the answers, about a fallout oc!!! ummm for warnings. #violence #alcohol #alcoholism #drug abuse ?

IM LIKE INFINITELY SORRY if this is just long, and the whole dash, on like, mobile or anything, i got carried away and had a lot of fun with it um,,,,

OK SO TO START OUT a quick summary of this character: marion tremblay, 26 years old, they/them pronouns, a courier six (but i might write them into a non-six role idk) with Sight Gone Wrong. imagine savestates, but the character only experiences the "canonical" ie last save. so they go from neutral to knowing exactly how to process a situation, but it causes a LOT of stress on them, including an incredibly distinctive negative feeling when a "save" occurs and nightmares depicting all the plays gone wrong. in addition, the successful path isnt always harmless, and often leads to heavy injury - just not death. not to mention the fact that the successful path doesnt always help people theyre trying to help, just them.

http://www.hairfinder.com/hairstyles5/carpy-hairstyle7.htm

http://www.hairfinder.com/hairstyles6/hairstyle-carpy12.htm

marion is incredibly stressed and doesnt get it, runs into danger and knows exactly what to do, doesnt know why, doesnt understand how it all adds together, and doesnt understand to maybe take it a little slower. then again, when they try to chill out and live normally the nightmares just get worse and worse. so basically they self medicate to dull the dreams a bit and it just makes everything even more stressful.

theyre a courier/jack of all trades/mercenary type that uses a recharger pistol, and has no self of self preservation. is struggling, indulges often, and is impossibly easy to charm. does things for the fuck of it, anxious, hesitantly affectionate, eventually very protective and supportive, childish and constantly tired lol.

anyway heres the questions!!!

Which Fallout game are they from? new vegas :Y

Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why? they end up joining the ncr - they have plans and intentions to go for a free vegas, but realize eventually that the ncr is probably a lot closer to a safe vegas than they were before. kind of insists that the people get a say in things.

DOES have enough time to basically fuss with all the families on the strip and various societies - basically destroys the omertas, takes a long time and a lot of trauma to fix the situation of the white glove society, keeps house alive but out of power which basically really fucks marion up for a long long time, they then spend a million years slowly working their way into the brotherhood of steel to try to get them to kind of... not be involved anymore, same with the khans

they dooooo clear out vault 3 entirely though

What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.? str 4; per 8; end 5; cha 4; int 7; agi 3; luk 9. peep that luck bro

Give us a summary of their backstory. OK SO... marion was part of a pretty biggish family closer up north, just kind of, they did business and were vaguely well off. they were always pretty pretentious and loved reading books n shit, tinkering with tech, so their parents were v happy with it. then around the age of thirteen their sight started kicking in, which manifested itself at first as just like a really heavy uneasy feeling whenever something was about to happen, and later kind of... worked itself into what it is now. anyway, they didnt cope very well with it and ended up fucking up a lot of relationships and things when they booked it at about seventeen.

at which point they kind of became a jack of all trades, constantly travelling, settling generally in the mojave. courier mostly at first, then eventually also a mercenary when the business started booming. they constantly had like, at least a couple dozen things going on, so occasionally they would forget a job or two. but considering their sight, they more or less had the ability to go into places that literally no one else could and come out bruised and bloodied but alive. so generally? business was good.

they did a lot of putzing around the strip, helped the followers a bit, etc. just generally has a little bit of history in most parts of the mojave.

after they got shot they forgot some... importantish things, but anyway they eventually fucked off, got ed-e, wandered around, rescued raul+visited him until they eventually just invited him along.

What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em? marion tremblay - a quebecois name basically, uh pretty much their family line came from canada pre annex and were bitter about it.

What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people? theyre nonbinary, just kind of, everythings a mess. nothing is definite. they have bigger stuff going on lol. just accepts whatever theyre labelled, but will explain if pressed

Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope? uhhh technically they have... some sort of flashbacks, from their sight, that gives them really horrible nightmares. they definitely self medicate its pretty bad. of course they dont really associate their habit of running into danger with their anxiety and attacks and shit, so they basically end up dissociating and confused most of the time, and figure thats just the way it is. and drink. gestures

Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them? nah marions got nothing. theyre surprisingly physically healthy considering the fact that theyre basically useless physically

How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe? they care just as little about bathing as most people in the mojave, but appreciate the ability to wash their hair - comb it pretty regularily. it gets really bad and knotted if they dont

What do they fear the most? their shitty vision failing to manage to do anything for people they love. its done it before

They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw? their total lack of self-preservation and knowledge of self. like theyll do unhealthy stuff and get totally confused why they feel like shit, dont understand that running into things carelessly is what is making them constantly anxious and depressed, and they think that their inability to talk to people is what is fucking things up

What are they most insecure about? they pretty much lack any insecurity. they know theyre pretty bad at talking to people, but theyre not so much nervous about it as just dont really like doing it

What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders) most bugs actually. since their sight kind of just keeps them from dying, it usually keeps them from dealing with deathclaws at all - but hanging around cazadores and getting poisoned just kind of means downing so many bottles of water and antivenoms, and it fucking Hurts. plus they just find the way they move really really disgusting lol

What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus) mnmnnmn pisces sun. taurus moon. 

What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ) infp lol

What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw) gonna say hufflepuff because theyre a big softie when it comes to people they actually do like

Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic) uh probably instinct? i think thats the yellow one right? 

Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest? theyre really good with math and rhythm - not quite as good with interpersonal stuff, or intra for that matter. they dont know shit about themself lol. theyre really good at science stuff in general, though - comes from fiddling with that sort of shit

What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil)

im not too good at pinning down characters, but honestly somewhere between chaotic good and true neutral. will help people, sure, for a price - or if they seem really really desperate. dislikes copious rules but wont go out of way to topple rules so long as they seem more or less fair

Do they have any hobbies? What are they?

they play harmonica! they like to think up songs, make harmonies to the songs on the radio. when they were little they liked to fuss with math puzzles and science shit but lost a lot of the focus as their sight got stronger, stopped being able to sit still long enough to really work on stuff. they like to fuss with ed-e sometimes lol. upgrades n stuff. polishin him

Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it? when marion was more into consistent courier-ing, they liked pretty much any holiday that people sent gifts to each other. good for business, it was nice to see people so happy, PLUS people always tipped really well and gave them free food n stuff out of thankfulness.

What’s their favorite season? autumn, mostly - most fair weather. loves the winter when theres no storms or anything - nice to wear lots of layers of clothing and have it be appropriate.

Do they have a temper or are they level headed? pretty level headed, but when they lose their temper they sound kind of ridiculous because their voice gets really high and they??? talk like???? this?????? and theres a lot of gesturing.

they dont really so much lose their temper when they go into combat situations simply because they tend to go from zero to everyones dead, pew pew pew. it does happen sometimes in really tough, long situations, but as it turns out being angry doesnt really make your laser pistol shoot any better or harder Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings? theyre so un-in-tune with their own feelings that they tend to not understand why or what theyre feeling. so its not so much hiding as like ????!??!!?!?!?!?

Are they a leader or a follower?

a leader out of necessity.

How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make? creepy. first impression is generally that theyre very businesslike, probably too frail to complete a job. “whys this person being so nice when they look like they want to eat me”

Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any? they basically never travelled with a companion until recently. started traveling with ed-e, basically just because he makes sounds when things are happening, eventually found raul and after a good couple times of going back to him to get their laser pistol fixed just kind of invited him to come along. didnt realize he wouldnt be able to fix their pistol on the way lol

Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation? they have the ability to be pretty selfless for the most part since theyre pretty well off from all the work they did before getting shot in the head. on the other hand, theyre not really used to hanging out with other people so theyre kind of selfish when it comes to food n stuff, at least until they got sassed enough for it

What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction) they usually like people with silver tongues and wide shoulders

Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love? they basically do not flirt. they dont register flirting, either. its pretty easy to charm them, but marion is not... a charming person

What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship? listen i made the with the almost exclusive purpose of dating raul so. interested lol

Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence? diplomatically. they generally dislike having to actually, be in danger, but theyre really not charismatic so it usually ends up resorting to either violence, or very well-backed up threats

What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak? they are TOTAL SHIT at sneaking, for like no reason. theyre just... really not athletically inclined. their strategy is usually run and gun, dont stop moving, ABS - always be shooting. turns out when you have a rechargeable gun and the luck of the devil, it doesnt matter how many bullets you take as long as you win lol

What weapon(s) do they always carry with them? recharger pistol!!! they also carry a tiny bowie knife just in case. mostly used to cut plants off stems and cut meat off things. its a whole experience

Their most prized possession? pretty much everything they own is replaceable. the harmonica is nice, cause it pretty much still works entirely, but its definitely not super special or anything. theyd still sell it for a nice meal though

Their thoughts on power armor? a nice idea, but full heavy armor makes it kind of difficult to travel large distances, especially over mountains n shit

Favorite armor/ outfit? gecko-backed leather armor, plus a shitty hood they slapped on top of it. they think it looks so cool, plus its plain enough that its comfortable. they really want a tux lol

How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun? a gun? yes. a laser pistol? no. the second things have like, physical bullets in it, they get super stressed. using lasers instead of pistols or bullets allows a certain level of, like, disconnection from the situation.

What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive? Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily? they really hate it. but honestly they get worse nightmares if they dont keep doing things, like constantly. they prefer to not really have to kill people, so tend to like... threaten and bluster their way through things pretty often. they wont chase down a fleeing enemy unless theyre really super in the zone

Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it) definitely fear. they pretty much cant die, so theyre pretty confident about it, but its mostly because they manage to disconnect so much from situations that it basically just gives them night terrors. like i said before, complete disconnection from their own emotions. basically a whole lot of marions problems could be fixed by accepting that maybe running into danger is a bad idea, even if they basically cant die.

tl;dr, they think they accept it, but 100% fear

Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home? they move around SO much. marions pretty much been on the move since they turned 17, constantly doing just about anything they could get their hands on. a million jobs all at once

What’s their favorite location? the strip. they pretty much used to spend most of their spare time down there - loved the food at the ultra luxe, the booze n drugs at gomorrah, and the music company and games at the tops. a couple days of throwing caps down the drain, followed by doing a bunch of odd jobs in the area is a good way of spending a whole week. then, once they had enough messages and packages and people to kill/find, theyd take off again

Their opinions on ghouls, feral and not feral? marion kind of sees themself in feral ghouls. impossible to kill, but at what cost, etc etc. very angsty. thinks ghoul voices are actually kind of pretty

Do they scavenge for their supplies or simply buy them? combination. scavenges what they can, buys the rest. when youre as lucky as they are when finding bullets and bits, you definitely have enough caps for everything else. since theyre shit at repairing, they always get their equipment repaired while out

Are they the type to get distracted and go off to an unknown nearby location or do they stay on track? they definitely amble. long term plans are definite, but when you have maybe five jobs happening at once it doesnt hurt to step aside and grab a new one on the way

How do they sleep? Are they picky about where and how or can they sleep basically anywhere? they tend to get themself pretty blitzed to be able to sleep with few dreams. as a result they can pretty much sleep anywhere, but theyre pretty fitful about it

What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse) they used to like butcher pete but got pretty tired of it after a good, long amount of time. now they think aint that a kick in the head is super funny. since they got shot in the head.

theyre okay with literally every radio station, but likes black mountain radio a lot even though its a lot weirder than it was before. theyre really not sure if the people on the radio are uh ok but uh. makes it a point to eventually check that out.

What’s their favorite post-apocalyptic food? Are they a picky eater? Do they know how to cook? they fucking LOVE fresh fruit - trail mix is a huge fave, nd theyll pay pretty much any amount of money for it, especially since it keeps pretty well. theyre also a fan of like, gourmet shit, since they have the money to spend on it. good steaks are nice. theyre pretty picky, but they usually have a pretty good supply of long-keeping foods to eat on the road. they cant really cook that well though

What’s their favorite beverage? Do they drink alcohol? vodka is a fave. gets them real drunk real fast. a long time ago they managed to trade for some nuka-cherry and its basically their favourite thing in the whole world??????? has a weird distaste for sunset sarsaparilla and gives it all to raul

Do they have any tag skills? energy weapons, science, medicine. really good with e.weapons, more than decent with science, pretty good with medicine. mostly out of patching self up.

Anything they like to collect? (ex. Unique weapons, Bobbleheads) Caps Lol. nah but really they pick up anything that seems interesting to sell. they do have a big intention to buy the unique recharger pistol but its never in stock whenever they go to the kiosk

Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them? theyre pretty shitty at getting traps, but their luck is amazing with it. they can pretty much walk through a minefield just fine. like running through is safer than trying to disarm, because when you run through a minefield you either die or you dont - when you try really delicately you might blow some important bits up, but you wont die lol