#and enjoy the process of exploration instead of feeling like i have to know exactly what i want

[studiousandrogynousfox-blog]

chaotic career coaching

i'd signed up to career coaching offered by my uni to help me figure out what i want to do with my life. i was given the task to work through the first section of their application guide which is about analysing your interests, strength, and needs. and of course i left starting on it until the afternoon before when it had already become impossible to actually finish it. i think it's safe to say that doing tasks in a timely manner is not one of my strengths!

this morning the meeting with the coach took place - online due to the coach dealing with a bad cold. and because i hadn't slept enough and struggled to get out of bed in the morning, the meeting started while i was still on the train on my way to uni. and later on the bus and finally perched on the edge of a massive plant pot...

but it was actually helpful so i'm really glad i'd signed up for it!

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

tarot tea spill session ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 　.. 　 ˚　.　　

₊ ˚. ⋆☾⁺ 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 ༘ ೀ

{discussing the "you can't love others if you can't love yourself" argument... and reading tarots about it.}

As someone who has struggled with self-esteem, I was kinda took back by statements like that. "You need to love yourself first to love others", like what do you even mean I hate myself yet I still can love!!! And then I thought about it and realized that maybe the wording is not the best, but the idea of the message is right. A healthy sense of self love is pretty hard to get, you can lack it and still be able to feel love, receive love and nurture affective relationships. I think that the main problem about low self-esteem and relationships, is that having an unhealthy relationship with ourselves, can lead to having unhealthy relationships with others. Not because we are bad people or defective for having insecurities, it's not about being incapable to have nice relationships, its about the things our insecurities could fuck up about said relationships or the toxic dynamics we are willing to engage in due to insecurity. I won't go around pretending like healing your perceptions of yourself is a quick easy process that can be solved just by feeling hot and empowered, things that actually kinda help if your mind is in the right place, but my intention here is to share what tarots have to say about how we can make sure we are seeking love because we want to and not because we need to.

{dividers by: @anitalenia & @cafekitsune}{images from pinterest}

this reading is not conceptualized in an hetero-centric way, it is for the femme aligned people or people who are somehow in tune with their feminine energy.

pile one pile two pile three

.‧͙˚ *༓ scroll down for the readings ⋆ִ ‧͙⁺˚

✧˖°. pile number one 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎

You might be expecting love to behave in a way that you consider coherent, almost as if there had to be some kind of logic behind affection, care, and feelings. This might be due to the fact that you keep yourself “under control” by rationalizing your own feelings, yet you are mindful of showing a comfortable amount of emotion with others, but not too much to the point where it makes you feel overly vulnerable or out of control. You might be slightly weirded out by people who seem to express emotion in a way that's explosive or feels disorderly. Although this might be a coping mechanism to maintain the structure and stability that keeps your impulses in check, I see that at some point you will begin to embrace a more genuine way of communicating your romantic needs and emotions. It might feel to you as if you are always expected to act and talk about love in a way that’s very mindful, very demure, instead of being honest about a more passionate nature you keep hiding away. I don’t think you are exactly an overly romantic lovesick person, but I do think that you actually enjoy romantic relationships, and you actually have the will and the tools to create a bond where vulnerability and honest communication allow for both parts of the relationship to be comfortable with being as intense about it as you need to. Also, you deserve the same care you give to others, but they won’t be able to provide it to you if you are not willing to communicate that need. You are not going to go off the rails for having noticeable emotional reactions or for being open about your struggles. There’s people and places where you might feel uncomfortable being emotional, but you are wise enough to know who is willing to put the effort into comforting you and allowing you to further explore that side of yourself. 

✧˖°. pile number two 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚗 ✧ 𝚜𝚒𝚡 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚞𝚙𝚜 ✧ 𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜

It seems as if you are still mourning what to you is a loss of your sense of self. And let me tell you, you did not lose yourself, you might have temporarily lost the ability to radiate your energy in a way that you felt was attracting the right things in your life. I think you are definitely being too hard on yourself about a perceived missed opportunity, nostalgia about romanticized parts of the past are messing with your sense of identity, and your sense of hope. At this time you are not capable of thinking outside idealized memories, you are blinded by feeling fragile and incapable of further change. These feelings clearly are not something that comes from your inner self, they have been internalized due to being imposed on you. Being so stagnated in the past makes you unable to focus on the actual opportunities that will come to you in the future, you know there’s a lot of positive things, people, and experiences that can come into your life, but you are unable to see them or accept that possibility as something that you deserve, as something that you inherently are capable of attracting. You need to trust yourself, and trust that centering your life around the brightest parts of yourself, your virtues, your abilities, your personal power, is the way to go. You are someone who is actually capable of radiating the sort of energy that brings emotional, spiritual and material abundance, but you are focusing on the wrong ideals, and not allowing yourself to take the protagonist role in your own life. The fact you bring a lot of value to others, doesn’t mean your own value depends on it. The beauty and the joy you have experienced before, is a direct result of your own capabilities and your own effort, make sure nobody makes you channel that energy in places where it’s not worth it.

✧˖°. pile number three 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⊹

𝚜𝚒𝚡 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜 ✧ 𝚏𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜

Although you might feel more comfortable if you could prove people wrong, it's more necessary that you are able to move forwards from the situations that make you question your self worth. You don’t need to “conquer” your fears, your anxiety or your insecurities, you need to move away from them if they are a product of imposed ideas or learn to navigate the ones that come from yourself, in a way that allows you to grow without the need for intrapersonal or interpersonal conflict. At times it might seem as if you are incapable of deciding how things happen or how they go, chaos is actually quite difficult to walk through, but I see that you are highly capable of expanding your perceptions beyond what is deemed conventionally functional. At the moment, there’s not enough resources available for you to properly express yourself or to align with your higher self, but there’s subtle opportunities to thrive in harsh environments if you are capable of acting according to your own ideals instead of what your ego demands. I think you will find the peace of mind, and the appreciation you deserve when you understand that sometimes it’s not necessary to fight for the things you want. There’s nothing wrong with willing to work hard and to sacrifice, but it can become unhealthy to you if you’re always put in situations where joy comes only if there’s struggle. There’s a lot of meaning and value in things that come easy and naturally to you, don’t let others question it or take them away just because you are not “putting effort” to get where you deserve to be. Everyone deserves praise and admiration when they are as naturally preserving and nourishing as you are. Your excellence might make others uncomfortable and overly questioning of your success, don’t let their own self doubt become yours, and don’t engage in needing validation from sources that are not actually positive for your own self development.

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[hastyprovocateur]

Mizu, Akemi, Brothels & Bedrooms

Mizu and Akemi's approach to sex (so far) has been very inverse. For Mizu, sex is intimate, almost sacred to the point of inaccessibility. Her pretending to be a man has compelled her far from intimacy in order to protect herself and her secret. On the rare occasion when she does engage in physical relations during her shortlived marriage, she engages in it furtively. She's shy, sweet and submissive. She has very little to no experience and while she enjoys it, she doesn't appear to demand to be in a position of authority while it ensues. She's happy to let go of the reins and allow herself to put in a safe space. Her voice pitches and she doesn't fight to maintain any composure.

Mizu isn't exactly averse to sex. After losing mama and killing Mikio, Mizu just closed herself to the possibility of intimacy. She doesn't intend to romantically engage with anyone or be as intimate with anyone as revenge has become her priority. She now dismisses sex, considering it an act that is void of art or tact. Base. Something that decentres the spirit. Dare I say, she sees it as a facade after Mikio. An act that misguides the participants to consider their bond deeper than it really is. It is parallel to Akemi's first time, where both her and Taigen seem to be proccupied with other concerns, quickly distancing from each other after an act that most would consider to be a paramount of bonding between lovers.

Regardless, Mizu's resolutions haven't killed her intrigue for "peculiarities" as evident in her stint at Madam Kaji's where she (despite her dismissive facade) peers into the windows of pleasure, exploring sutras, bondage and threesomes. With the masculine avatar she's donned on her path of revenge, even if Mizu's resolve grows shaky, she's restricted by the complications that should arise if she goes down the path of any intimacy. Giving her more walls to break through and more walls for any potential lovers to break through as well to get to her tender breast.

In terms of general pleasure, Mizu is shown to be extemely physical and playful. She gets riled over armed combat, her face flush and full of love. To whoever she feels safe and happy with, she gives her all. Whether in bed or otherwise, she'll surrender her body and her sword. Aside from fighting, Mizu is passionate about different forms of art, especially sword making and other creative arts like music. You can call her... cutely nerdy (?) in the sense of her keen understanding of iron work, different fighting techniques, blade strikes, all of which she knows by heart. It can be imagined that a sure way to catch her whims would be to spark conversations about artistry in general.

Akemi, on the other hand, intends all her sexual overtures to have a fixed purpose. She's written as a character who prepares intensely for her ambitions. We see her revising a written speech before arguing her bit to her father, switching to appeasing to his fatherly side by playing the "naive daughter" to get him to agree with her and Taigen's engagement. In ep 4 we see her curating an impish, adulant image of an innocuous sex worker before making Mizu's acquaintance, intending to lower her guard enough to subdue her and bring her to Taigen. She finally goes on imbibe the perfect subservient, loving wife to finesse Takayoshi and thereby solidify her say among other exponents in the Shogun's family.

Her mind is like a self gearing machine in terms of playing pieces to give herself a fighting chance. Sex is a part of this rematch. With sex as a means, it's arguable if she genuinely feels pleasure in the process but she ensures that she's able to pleasure her partners to an end that serves her. With men, it's always about massaging their ego. With Taigen, Akemi initiates sex to be able to coax him into focusing on her and saving their engagement instead of letting him fixate on his recent loss of his hair and honour. In the brothel, she regales Watari, a man who's never won a fair fight, and has become impotent due to his weight, by appealing to his poetic side and using it to flatter him to ejaculation. With Takayoshi, a man subdued by his mother for his stutter and meek ways, Akemi admits to finding his speech impediment endearing, apologising profusely to resume her submissive position as his wife and proceeds to consummate their marriage while encouraging him to recite poetry.

Like Mizu, Akemi's curious about sex in itself and went against her teacher's wishes to explore erotic literature. She's well versed with sexually coloured poetry and easily weaves sex into conversation, using it to talk her partners to orgasm. She has a varied understanding of poetry, an art she uses as a weapon to flatter men, citing Shōtetsu, Minamoto no Shigeyuki and her favorite, Ono no Komachi. A waka poetess writing chiefly in matters of melancholy and passionate love. She's also skilled in all manner of art that are intrinsically ornate but are notorious for being feminine or are used to entertain men such as poetry, koto playing, dancing and calligraphy. An average man would deem such arts lowly but he doesn't consider that such arts can be used to easily lower his guard to his very vanquish without him ever doubting that there was even a ploy in the first place. Akemi wields these talents to her advantage. Sex and fine arts are only a few of the weapons in her arsenal.

Strangely enough, it's not exactly touched upon what Akemi actually finds desirable outside of what she must do to get her way. It can be guessed that she'd be disarmed by anyone who lasers through her simpering girly act, someone who can be valiant and honourable, someone who doesn't weigh virtue and strength through the prejudice of gender, someone who's able to value her in all her intricacies instead of pushing her to be a proper wife or improper whore.

Likewise, I can imagine Mizu wanting the same degree of acceptance. Someone who nurtures her feminine side without alienating her masculinity. Someone who doesn't demonise her appearance or consider her an anomalous product of two races. Her ideal type hasn't been detailed but her bar was really low. She didn't care about Mikio's age or social status or wealth. Akemi was also shown to having a narrow criteria for marriage, preferring Taigen solely because marrying him meant staying in Kyoto, near home. For both Taigen and Mikio, they benefitted from the unhinged cruelty other men could afford, appearing decent by comparison because they did the bare minimum of asking for consent.

It is still very nascent as to what Akemi and Mizu truly desire. Mainly because there hasn't been much room for individual desires. Akemi was already "past her prime" and evading marriage was no option as it was a decision sealed in stone by a girl's father the moment she hit puberty. For a time where women had little say in who they married, managing to get engaged to Taigen was a feat in itself. Her attempts to escape the arranged marriage with the Shogun's son was rendered fruitless by Taigen, Seki and in great part, Mizu. Akemi finally embraced her new married life, making peace with fighting within her means instead of trying to run away from them. This leaves a lot of room for what she'd eventually want for herself in the future. We know a part of her wished to leave with/without Taigen to live on a farm in Kokura but she's still too early in her journey of knowing exactly what she wants but she's constantly figuring things out.

Similarly, Mizu didn't have a say in her former marriage either but she was ready for the obligations it would impose on her, aware that she'd be compelled to conceal a part of her that men wouldn't welcome in their wives. Her masculine side that is capable of fighting like a samurai. Her sword of a soul. With her sworn revenge, aversion to all forms of intimacy and commitment to playing the part of a man, Mizu has become a vessel for all the ill will, prejudice and poor decisions men imposed on her. She doesn't have the liberty to bare herself and engage in fulfilling her desire as she's discovered to like it but the more characters she interacts with, we as audiences can observe seismic shifts in her perception of herself through the people she meets. These experiences serve as guiding lines for developing future desire. Of independent choice.

[saber-monet]

Hey I came across your post about embracing the “manifestation coincidences”, and one about making sure to not be unfazed by how well things play out. I’d like to ask how you make peace with the ‘insanity’ of it? Bc I think I’ve shifted to a higher timeline and now am living a better reality. But I spent the last 2 days looking up parallel universes on reddit & now I’m scared I’m going to run into my doppelganger and get killed or that I’m actually supposed to have died in my actual universe.. I’m scared and I can’t talk about it with anyone in fear of them suddenly turning into a demon just like in horror films.

Hey! First of all, everything you’re experiencing is more common than you might think, especially for people who, like me, grew up skeptical or secular about spirituality and are only just now exploring it. Shifting your mindset and embracing manifestation can feel so surreal at first—like you’re stepping into something “forbidden” just by allowing yourself to believe that things can work out in your favor.

I went through the exact same thing when I started three years ago; I felt paranoid, like I was breaking some unspoken rule just by thinking positively. I promise—you’re not going to run into a doppelgänger or anything bad. That’s just your mind processing a huge new perspective.

One thing that’s helped me is thinking of the “surrealness” you’re describing as an emotion, like anxiety or sadness. It can feel jarring, but it’s temporary and will pass. When I feel that surrealness creeping in, I just acknowledge it: “Yeah, this feels weird right now, but it’s going to end soon.” I know my mind will eventually latch onto a less intense thought process, and things will go back to ‘normal’, and so will yours—sometimes in 30 seconds, other times in a couple of minutes. but you will feel fine again.

Also, if affirmations work for you, lean into those! Remind yourself that you’re safe and fully capable of handling these new feelings. It’s all part of the process, and you’re going to get more and more comfortable with it.

And honestly, one tip? Steer clear of Reddit or anything that brings up new fears. I stay away from things that make me question my safety and, instead, focus on what feels grounding and calming, whether that was music, a walk, cooking, talking out loud or even talking to chatgpt helps me (there's a voice call option on the app so you can talk to it like a real person)—anything to keep me from overthinking.

i treat myself like a worried child, what would you say/do to a worried child to make them feel better? You would tell them everything's gonna be OK, put on their favorite comforting TV show/movie/musical, give them a snack, you remind them that you're here for them and that eventually they will laugh about this moment in the future etc.

Watching Abraham Hicks Workshop Excerpt videos helped me so much too (she talks a lot about exactly this topic, and if you’re interested, I can DM you a link, just message me). And these videos, she speaking to people who have gone through the exact same thing that you're going through and had the exact same questions/ concerns/ stories about reality creation.

Her seminars really put into perspective that I wasn’t alone, and neither are you. You will make sense of this experience. You'll know what works for you and what doesn't. It's a personalized journey.

You’re in good company, and there’s an entire global community of people who get exactly what you’re going through. Trust that you’re okay, you're being properly guided each step of the way and give yourself permission to enjoy the experience. You're not the first person or the last person to go through stuff like this.

There's a lot of older people who have gone through the " awakening process" and have reacted differently to it. Some become monks/teachers, others use it to grow their business and achieve their goals, others just use it here and there to get the things that they want and live a relatively normal life, and some never use it again . Don't feel overwhelmed by it, you have the choice on how you wish to proceed .

(also I'm going to dive into this topic in another post im currently working on: but you can ask for less synchronicity and for things to go back to “normal”. Just because you've learned this new information and this new way of interacting with reality doesn't mean that you have to continue if you don't want to. ( Yes, you have lifted the metaphorical "veil" but you can also put it back down)

Also, please reach out , or anybody reading this post, if you wanna chat. I did this alone, I got to this place of balance, reassurance and comfort alone, and I would have really like to have somebody to talk to so I'm here if you need me.

[candyhoiic]

Edit: I added some more details at the beginning

Beginning Notes:

Welcome back to my rambles of what it might look like if Adam and Lilith switched places in Hazbin Hotel!

In my last post, I described how I pictured their dynamic in Eden might have played out in the beginning, and then how the additional presence of Lucifer would affect their relationship.

For this post, I'm simply going to start where I left off! So, for the ease of access, I'll be linking my previous and first post of this series at the end of this post. Just in case you want to check them out or need a quick refresher!

TW: minor suggestive content, I describe their sex life in general but it's not graphic. I'm not writing smut lol sorry

🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸

Okay so little recap!

As I said before, their relationship was at its healthiest after they accepted Lucifer offer to act as a buffer for them during sexual intercourse. With him at first simply talking them through it, and then from there he would gradually start to non-invasively touch them- with their consent of course.

He would use these touches to help promote cooperation between the two. So, they would work together towards their shared completion instead of fighting one another for dominance. Although after a while these touches would become more teasing as their relationship expanded. Lucifer not only trying to guide them with his touches but also excite them as well as to satiate his own curiosities.

After all, Lucifer had never laid with another despite knowing of sex. As he never really had the need given the main purpose of such acts were to reproduce which seraphim didn't have to worry about. If they needed more seraphim, they would simply be created.

However, he found himself wanting to have a sexual connection with Lilith and Adam. Not because he wanted to reproduce- obviously, but because it made him feel closer to them. To him it was yet another way he could express his care for them. Besides he also learned firsthand how pleasurable the act could be for all parties involved when done correctly.

Their newfound cooperation in their sex life transferred to other aspects of their life as well. With Adam and Lilith forming a special connection. Now it wasn't the traditional relationship you expect of a husband and wife, but it was undeniably what worked best for them. While Lucifer acted more like a more traditional romantic partner, Adam and Lilith acted more like friends for the most part.

Although they crossed the line of mere friendship a long time ago with them both being sexually involved with one another. However, even 'friends with benefits' wasn't the right term for their relationship. There were too many feelings between them. They had too much of a connection with each other to be just that. After all, they were literally made for each other.

So, while they weren't exactly in love with each other, they did love one another in their own way. Slowly, learning there were other ways to love someone. Lucifer helping them to understand love wasn't a purely romantic concept, it could be platonic or somewhere in between. And so, with experimentation, they slowly but surely found a balance they were comfortable with. The two gradually coming to terms with their relationship.

They accepted it wasn't ever going to be 'normal' and made peace with neither of them being the dominant one. They allowed themselves to actually relax in each other's presence and simply enjoy exploring their expanding relationship. It was a process to figure out their boundaries and expectations for one another, and of course they were setbacks at time. But it paid off with the two of them being able to hang out without needing Lucifer to act as a buffer.

They learned to not only stand one another but enjoy it. One way they spent time together was preforming duets together. With Adam's skill at playing practically any instrument and Lilith's gorgeous singing voice, they were able to produce such sweet melodies together. During one of these times, their eyes would meet, and both would be shocked to see the soft look the other directed their way.

It was the type of look Lucifer would give them when they did something particularly endearing. It was the same look they would also give him at times, but it was never a look they gave one another. Still neither broke eye contact as they carried on with their current song, hardly noticing as they grew closer to one another. Their steps follow the rhythm of their duet with both of them softly swaying to and from each step.

They weren't exactly sure what they were doing- later they would call it dancing. And that would be the first time they actually named something together without arguing.

Regardless, neither one of them were eager to break whatever spell fell over them. So, they continued to dance. Their bodies move harmoniously with one another and yet neither lead the other. They were free to move however they liked with only the beat commanding them to stay in time with one another. Their dancing slowly guides them ever closer as matching smiles light up their faces.

They don't stop moving towards one another until their chest to chest. At one point, Adam's instrument had gone slack in his hand while he sang the last bit of the song with Lilith. His voice wasn't nearly as smooth as the others, but neither seemed to care as their voices were still able to pleasantly melt together. Neither voice overpowering the other as their voices tempered off together signaling the end of the song.

Still neither made a move to step back. Their eyes still locked, blue skies meeting the soft browns of earth. Two very different colors and yet no one could deny they belong together. Neither knows who started to lean in first, but the next moment, their lips brushed softly together. Clumsily melding together in a sweet unhurried manner as they simply appreciated the warmth that ran through them at the contact. And soon their arms would encircle one another in a gentle embrace as they continued to kiss. Not to procreate, not for dominance, simply because they wanted to.

Their kisses would remain innocent while they slowly lowered to the ground with the soft grass cradling their intertwined bodies. It was there they would stay cuddling each other as they continued to exchange kisses until their lips were both pink and puffy. Eventually, they would go back to singing. This time a different melody as they laid side by side, and that's how the rest of their day was spent until Lucifer came back to them.

The seraphim returns from Heaven to the sight of both his beloveds sleeping soundly. Their forms still pressed against one another in a lover's embrace.

There would be other incidents, where Lilith and Adam would spend time alone simply appreciating each other's presence. Although those times were slowly becoming less and less as Lucifer seemed to leave for heaven less. Not that neither of them were complaining! While they both may now be able to actually stand each other without him, that didn't mean they cared for the seraphim any less. He was as much of a part of their relationship as either of them were no matter what anyone else thought.

They didn't care if it wasn't in god's plan for it to be Adam, Lilith, and Lucifer because they decided that's exactly how it was supposed to be in their book...

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Any possible consequences of this decision were far from any of their minds. Blinded by their happiness, the three grew careless and slowly heaven grew suspicious. Sera noted Lucifer's absence, and it didn't sit right with her. Naturally, she brought her concerns to the other seraphim and eventually the archangels were also paying closer attention to Lucifer spending more time in Eden. It got to the point, he was there more than he was in heaven, and while they should have been glad he was taking his duties so seriously, no one could deny it was odd.

However, it was Sera who discovered exactly what was keeping Lucifer away. While the others were content to simply wait for Lucifer to return for answers, she was too worried. She just knew something was wrong, and fearing the worst she took it upon herself to use an unauthorized all seeing orb to check on her fellow seraphim. She was in no way expecting the image which greeted her. She had expected to see Lucifer, not Adam or Lilith, and certainly not any of them in such a scandalous position.

In her shocked state she continued watching, hoping that she was wrong. Hoping the situation playing out before her would somehow right itself, but there was no way that anything could fix what she was seeing. The three of them were in the middle of being intimate. There was no point in denying it now, and so once her brain finally caught up with her, she immediately vanquished the orb.

She knew she wasn't meant to watch such sinful behavior, she also knew she had not had permission to use the orb in the first place. However, she couldn't simply just let this continue. So, she rushed off to group up the other seraphim, which led to them going to the archangels. The gathered angels swiftly came to the decision that Sera and two other seraphim would visit Eden immediately. They were to confirm what Sera saw and talk to the three before bringing Lucifer back with them so they could decide on his punishment.

When they arrived at Eden, the three they were looking for had just finished their activity, but still it was easy to see that Sera had indeed seen correctly. The fact that Lucifer was still not fully robed yet, making that as clear as day. However, Sera still gave them a chance to deny the accusation. She secretly hoped they would, but to her growing horror Lucifer did not; Adam and Lilith followed suit.

Instead of any of them expressing even an ounce of guilt over their wrongdoing they argued they had done nothing wrong. They even expressed they all loved one another. That was the final nail on the coffin. Sera had heard enough as well of the other seraphim, they asked Lucifer to come with them and he agreed. Although both of the first humans clearly didn't want him to. Both had even stepped in front of him as if attempting to shield him from the other angel's ire.

These poor souls Sera had thought. Just how much had he tainted them?

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Adam and Lilith could do nothing when Lucifer inevitably went with the other seraphim back to Heaven. The two of them holding each other in their shared worry with their other third. Whatever was happening didn't seem good at all. Both of them still felt bitter remembering how Sera had looked at them as if there was something inherently wrong with them both. Although beneath the bitter resentment neither could deny they were also scared.

Would Sera replace them?

She had mentioned it before when they wouldn't procreate. And now that it was clear that she didn't approve of how they solved their initial problem, they were at fear once more that they would be replaced. However, it was out of their hands now so they simply continued to cling to one another as their thoughts turned to their shared worries over what would happen to Lucifer.

Sure neither of them were any more comfortable with the thought of being replaced as they had been, but at least they still had each other for now. Meanwhile the other was all alone in heaven going through who knows what. Guilt and worry were quick to fill their souls.

🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸

While up in heaven, Lucifer wasn't feeling much better. However, he was less worried over his impending trial than he was for what would become of Adam and Lilith. He had been the one to propose the idea of getting involved with their love life. He didn't want them to be punished for something he suggested. Even if he was still unsure of what was so wrong with it to begin with. He had done his job and kept them happy.

Was it really so wrong that he had fallen for them along the way? How could something as pure as love be proclaimed as wrong?

He just didn't know.

Unfortunately, he seemed to be one of the minority who felt that way. At his trial, it was clear they had already made their judgment before it began. The angels who mattered were not swayed in the least by his defense. Even as some other angels sitting in on the court meeting voiced their own support over Lucifer.

The fight was lost before it began and he was sentenced to a human lifetime on Earth to reflect on his wrong doings. If he truly repented after his sentence was up then he would be allowed to come back to Heaven but until then he was not allowed in Heaven nor Eden. His wings would also be locked away into his body with him unable to call upon them for aid, and before the day was up, he fell.

The whole process wasn't as painful as one would think. In fact, the angels had been disarmingly gentle. At most he felt discomfort when his wings were bound, he only felt slight pain when he fell even. His landing was softer than it should have been. He expected it was due to whatever little favor and connection he still had with Heaven that kept him from being harmed to the full amount.

However, nothing was able to soothe his worries over what would happen to Adam and Lilith. So, despite everything he began to search for Eden, his sentencing be damned. He would be reunited with them. He promised to watch after them and their happiness, and despite whatever Heaven might think, he was no liar.

🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸

Time of heaven and time of Eden didn't exactly correlate so Adam and Lilith spent a whole week not hearing anything from Heaven. Not knowing of what became of Lucifer. At that time, the two barely slept or ate. They were only somewhat functional due to the other worrying over them, and reminding one another they had to stay strong for Lucifer. Although it seemed to be all for not when Sera and a new group of seraphim returned but no Lucifer.

Despite Adam's pride he openly wept knowing exactly what Lucifer's absence implied. He was gone. And while Lilith came to a similar conclusion she would not weep instead she openly glared at the approaching angels while hiding Adam's face in the crook of her neck. However, these angels still had the gall to sadly smile at them as if they were the ones in the wrong. As if they were both just a pair of misbehaving children.

Lilith did not care for the condescension one bit, but didn't speak out as she hushed her husband as best she could. She wasn't the most maternal being but she did her best.

Sera was the first to speak, explaining how everything was fine now. Adam's sadness seemed to transform into rage at her words as the man ripped his face away from Lilith's comforting form to also glare with teary eyes set ablaze. Immediately, asking for what had become of Lucifer, but any attempt for information about the other was shut down. Sera would clearly not divulge anything except that he wouldn't be able to further corrupt them anymore.

It was Lilith's turn to speak as she laughed with cold derision, arguing Lucifer had done no such thing, but Sera simply gave a patient smile. She wouldn't argue with either of them, but it was clear she didn't believe in Lucifer's innocence either.

Instead of further humoring either of them, she moved onto inform them that they had done nothing wrong and would not face any punishment. Explaining how the archangels had agreed it was only due to Lucifer's temptation that they were tricked to stray from god's path. As long as they continued to not partake from the fruit of good and evil they were allowed to stay. Then, she left along with the other seraphim.

Adam and Lilith both should have felt relief, but neither felt anything but cold. Both of them remained to cling to each other, joining together in solemn grief over what the angels had done to their other third.

🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸🐤🍎🎸

A/N:

One down to two go :)

Just to be clear Lucifer has fallen, but hasn't had the fall yet. Our boy was simply put in Heaven's version of a time out corner, but as we all know he will fall to Hell eventually just not yet.

Next time, I'll explain how Lilith and Adam cope with Lucifer's banishment and I'm hoping to also cover some more characters falling from grace hehe Eve will also probably make appearance in my next rambles too.

So, yeah I'm just about done covering the main points of what happened in Eden in my version of this Au.

Links:

Previous Post

First Post

[kindheart525]

This post inspired me to do a little exploration of Gola’s teenage years! She’s not very kind to others as an adult, making a hobby out of rage-baiting strangers on the internet, but one thing she does have going for her is that she’s very confident in herself and her looks. Believe it or not, she was once very insecure.

Her whole thing is that she has a gorgeous supermodel body topped off with a goofy, cartoonish, bug-eyed critter head, and this was not something she was proud of. Especially since she had no hair which really accentuated the oddly-shaped nub atop her shoulders. For a time she wore a wig to cover this up, even though the vibrant blue waves and modest (by her standards lol) clothing only concealed self-loathing.

You might expect a sad girl who clings to her pillow at night and hopes for friendship and joy in her life, but that was not Gola at all. As much as she hated her own looks, she made a conscious effort to ensure that everyone else felt a thousand times worse. To one-up her own bullies and be even meaner than them.

Kip felt bad for Gola. Just a few years ago she was in the same position, feeling so insecure in her own self-image that she made it everyone else’s problem. Even to the point of hurting her best friend. She didn’t exactly try to fix Gola or anything, but she did reach out and try to be a smiling face who she could take comfort in. A glimmer of kindness in what she knows feels like a cruel world when you’re a growing girl. Maybe it would mean something to Gola.

But as you can see here, Kip quickly realized that Gola didn’t want kindness. She might have struggled with her self-esteem but she took joy in being a bully, in stirring shit just for the hell of it. Kip’s kindness didn’t quell that flame, but rather stoked it, reigniting her own insecurities in the process.

But Gola wasn’t free from consequences.

Ell quickly heard about what Gola did and jumped to Kip’s defense, as any good sister would. Gola would usually taunt such vigilantes, but Ell is like a sister to her and it admittedly did feel pretty shitty to get on her bad side like this. The girls who usually conspired with each other got pitted against each other by her actions. This didn’t lead to any sort of epiphany where Gola changed her ways or anything, but it did force her to deliver an awkward apology to Kip and recognize her as off-limits to her vitriol.

Eventually Gola experienced a shift in mindset, a recognition that by covering herself up, she was just letting those assholes win. Becoming a bully wasn’t enough when she was still letting her own bullies control her actions and her opinion of herself. So she ditched the wig and is now showing the world that she doesn’t give a fuck what they think.

She also calmed down a bit with the deeply personal attacks, now only delivering insults to those she feels have explicitly wronged her rather than to every passerby who acknowledges her existence. A girl like Kip might grow from her insecurities as someone who spreads kindness, who does her best to make sure nobody else feels like her, but Gola learned how to fight back. Someone makes fun of her bald head? She fires back with, “I hope you get cancer.”

Besides the fighting back against bullies, Gola does still enjoy the art of taunting strangers through internet trolling. Except instead of having a vendetta against everyone who’s more confident than her, instead of having any ulterior and deeply personal motives, she just thinks it’s funny to watch people work themselves into a tizzy over some comment she made to bait them. It’s not her fault they fell for it and provided her free entertainment.

[emblazonet]

Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern

THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD!! It's so good! This is 100% my favourite Pern book so far. The characters are all great. The setting felt alive and interesting. The stakes were fucking high. I knew Moreta was going to die, in the way you know Vanyel is going to die in The Last Herald-Mage trilogy, because we're going back in time to explore the life of a characters from an in-universe ballad, and it made me love her more.

It's also about a pandemic, but in a soothing way? Honestly it was SUCH a relief to read a story about people just fucking doing the work of Dealing With A Contagious Flu without much of the bullshittery we've all had to live through these past three years.

This got long, so more under the cut!

There are no psycho anti-vax cults in Pern. The small population scattered over a continent that's constantly being besieged by Thread does not, generally, have the luxury of either the greed we've gotten to witness IRL nor the misinformation campaigns. Characters that hoard are stolen from; characters who try to prevent vaccination are villains in the narrative and the good guys go into their territory to vaccinate—that's Moreta's final heroic moment! She dies, not from the disease but from exhaustion, to ensure everyone gets vaccinated to PREVENT A SECOND WAVE.

I expected to feel re-traumatized by the pandemic conflict. Instead, it felt healing to read about these characters. It felt affirming. It made me feel better about my choice to continue wearing a mask in public. It felt invigorating: ok, so my world isn't as sensible as Pern's, but it's still worth it to fight disease, to fight the depression and apathy—in short, it did exactly what a fantasy book is supposed to do. Inspire. I don't know that this will be everyone's take away, but it was mine.

This book gets so much right, I can't even believe this is the same author who wrote all those other Pern books I've read so far. (How did we jump from the crap of The White Dragon into this? HOW?) All these things:

Despite there being SO MANY characters, the book largely juggles its cast well, and while I often forgot names, the context usually helped me out. Every character actually felt unique and distinct and like they had different lives they were living.

Moreta and Alessan's relationship was so well done. You know it's not a romance that will go anywhere, so it feels precious when they snatch some time together. Also, Alessan is just an attractive dude character? Unlike any other of the male leads in a Pern book, Alessan appeals to me.

The relationship between Moreta and the older queen rider, Leri—UGH MY HEART. At the beginning of the book I was worried Moreta would have the 'not like other girls' vibe... I needn't worried. Leri as mentor, accomplice and friend is everything I could have asked for in a female friendship. And Moreta has other relationships and positive experiences with women, and it's so good, but what she has with Leri is so special.

The way the book builds this yearning for Moreta to be able to fly Orlith again, and then at the end she's with Leri's exhausted Holth, and they die away from their partners in the line of duty—I CRIED OK. It was so much. It was so good.

Only small bits of time travel, smart avoidance of paradoxes, thank you.

I was super invested in Moreta's healing of the Thread-damaged dragon wings. The whole process of healing dragons was super interesting!

Loved that Threadfall kept on happening throughout, it made the stakes even higher in the best way possible.

There were things I think could have been better:

I didn't enjoy Moreta's introduction and it made me feel like the book was gonna suck lol, she was arguing with Nesso and then talking about her body in a way that just felt dated and weird.

Everyone on Pern must have the same blood type I guess? Because they're just using extracted blood to make the vaccine, and the vaccine appears to have no ill effect. Honestly, the book had so much going on I'm pretty grateful it didn't go into Accurate Medical Science, but it did feel incredibly oversimplified.

Telgar Weyr's Weyrleader just sort of like decides everyone's not allowed into his territory and fuck you guys but I didn't really get a feel for that character at all or where he was coming from? So it undermined Moreta's end sacrifice a bit, because the ending felt rushed.

I really wanted Sh'gall to do something so egregiously annoying that someone yelled at him. Sh'gall was basically the comic relief though, I generally enjoyed how useless he was lol.

Overall? 11/10 and I REALLY hope the rest of the Pern books are this good! I'm going to pick back up in January with Nerilka's Story.

[dailylogyn]

Well I enjoyed the loki show and I always loved loki and I don't get the hate for the show so what ever. It's still great. And yes I hate sylvie tho and would've love to see sigyn and loki in the mcu. No matter what tom hiddleston was perfect as loki

To each their own. I'm at least glad you enjoyed it.

I've actually had to force myself to step back at the end of both Season 1 and Season 2's finales and process what my issues were with the show -- what I liked, and didn't like. And now that I've done the same after Season 2, I think I've figured out why I overall didn't like the Loki Series as a whole...and it's mostly because of expectations I had for the show:

MY THOUGHTS/EXPECTATIONS FOR THE LOKI SERIES:

What I mean by "expectations" is: I thought the Loki Series would take over after where he was left off/escaped from in the Avengers (2012)-- a Loki struggling to accept his identity as a Jotun. The Loki who realized his whole life was a lie and the person he thought he was isn't who he ACTUALLY is.

I really thought the Loki Series writers would go into that and explore it and help Loki come to the point of Self-Acceptance and Self-Love...just not in the way they ended up writing it out with the TVA and everything we ended up getting.

And honestly, I wish they had actually explored more Loki Variants instead of briefly touching upon them (or mentioning them) and that's it. If they are getting into the concept of the Multi-verse, why not freakin explore the other Loki's too?! I want to know more about Kid Loki, Classic Loki, Gator Loki, etc. What was their universe like? How different was their life? What caused them to be pruned (we know Kid Loki's was 'killing' Thor, but what about the others?)

I also feel the Loki Series wasn't exactly focused on Loki himself. It felt more focused on the TVA and the whole Multi-verse storyline itself.

Now granted, we can argue that's because at the end of Season 2, Loki becomes the "God of Stories" and the new "He-Who-Remains", hence it being his story of how he became that all along...but I just feel they could have explored his story in a different way (but I do love & hate how Loki sacrifices himself to protect those he loves. It is what makes him Loki though...)

If I'm being serious though, this ending also feels like they killed him off just to bring him back and do it again...and again...like a cashgrab. Why can't we write a story about Loki being happy for once?

And a girl can still wish we had gotten Sigyn or Amora in the show...but like I said, I wasn't going to hold my breath for that one. ;) We know Marvel.

And yes, while I know some others may love Sylvie (and I honestly did at first), I'm glad they retconned the forced romance between them. However, I still wish we got the real Lady Loki.

Tom Hiddleston will always be our Loki. He's done a wonderful job, but I can understand why he would be done after all this. He needs a break (plus he has his wife and his own kid now.)

[lucky-clover-gazette]

The Big Picture

Vio & Shadow-focused Four Swords Manga Adaptation | Rated G

Chapter 4: Quest Updated

“Can you hear me?” asks the voice of Ganon, projected from some kind of unreachable void. Shadow isn’t exactly sure how Ganon’s remote oversight works. All he knows is that Ganon created him, Ganon’s will is truth, and Ganon will appear to him only when the time is right.

Not that Shadow cares, or anything.

“We can hear you,” sighs Vaati.

“I can’t hear you.”

Read the chapter (and very informative author's note!!) on ao3 or under the cut:

Author's Note: Finally, I’m working on this project again! I encourage you to re-read the previous chapters, because I just did a pretty significant amount of revision. The most notable change is the decision to not use manga dialogue verbatim—I’m still heavily referencing the transcription, but changing some language and phrasing to blend with my own style. Also important to note is the change of Vio, Shadow, Green, Blue, Red, Zelda, and Link Prime’s age, which is now 16 instead of 19. Working so closely with the manga, I’ve concluded that it makes the most sense for them to be around that age—mature enough to resonate with adults and potentially develop complex feelings, but young enough where it’s still believable that they would speak/act in line with the manga. To me, the True Manga Canon Links are 14-16 in the same way that, like, Katara, Sokka, Princess Azula, and Prince Zuko are ages 14-16. They’re not living in a world like ours, attending high school or something equivalent; they have very adult responsibilities, while simultaneously coping with teenage angst and the challenge of developing their own identities. And while Vio and Shadow stand out as the characters least believable as any age younger than 14, I do think the others—while silly in an cartoonish way—are not as a whole believable as preteens either. Like, Mabel and Dipper Pines are written as unusually clever preteens, and even they still seem younger than Red. Side note: cartoons are not my only frame of reference for media interpretation, but I am writing this specific thing like it’s a cartoon. Ultimately, I think that while I personally prefer writing a more mature interpretation, these characters can only be teenagers in something meant to complement and supplement canon. That said, I still fully intend to expand on the queer subtext between Vio and Shadow. Their canon arc reminds me a lot of the confusing, codependent, and ultimately life-altering relationships queer teenagers often find themselves in. This adaptation will explore Vio and Shadow’s journeys of queer discovery, both literally and allegorically, because that’s how I personally interpret the manga. Even if you’re not big on shipping these specific characters, I sincerely hope you can respect my interpretation and still find something that resonates. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this very belated update :)

Pure light transports the heroes to a chamber beneath Hyrule Castle. Link has been here before—very recently, in fact—but to Vio it somehow feels new.

“Are you well, heroes?” asks a soft female voice. Vio looks towards the center of the chamber, where a young woman floats trapped inside a magically crystal. She clasps her hands in front of her chest as if to pray.

“The Blue Maiden!” Red exclaims, his eyes wide.

“Did you save us?” asks Green.

“Link,” says the maiden, “something awful has begun. A terrible ordeal. Darkness once again covers Hyrule, just as in times of legend.”

Tell me something I don’t know, Vio wants to mutter, but decides not to antagonize the minor deity who probably just saved his life. .

“The shadow that took us was a phantom hero,” the maiden continues, “created by an evil demon.”

Vio perks up at that. The more he learns about that freak, the easier it will be to defeat him.

“It is a ‘Shadow Link. A dark reflection of you, but more powerful than any mere shadow.”

Vio attempts to process this. How exactly had Shadow Link been created? It couldn’t have been a similar process to himself. Vio is a fractured piece of a person, while Shadow Link is a dark reflection of a whole. No wonder he’s more powerful than the four of them—although combined, maybe the heroes could still stand a chance.

The maiden sighs, recapturing Vio’s attention. “It took all my might to send even that small light through the barrier. His power is not yet at its peak. You must stop him before that happens.”

“We’re no match for him now,” says Red in a defeated slump. “How can we ever beat him?”

Blue draws his sword. “We’ve gotta smash that barrier first!”

“That isn’t possible right now,” says the Blue Maiden. “The Four Sword has been cursed by Vaati. You must re-energize it, fill it with Life Force and the curse will be lifted. Then you can defeat the darkness for good.”

The four exchange uneasy glances. Finally, Green speaks up.

“Blue Maiden,” he says, “where is Princess Zelda?”

“I don’t know,” admits the maiden. “Weak as I am, I can’t sense clearly. But I can faintly sense her spirit… far, far away.”

Green nods, determined. “She’s alive. That’s enough.” It brings Vio relief, too, that this could all still be undone.

“Hold on, Blue Maiden,” says Green. “We’ll be back to save you soon.”

“Be careful, my four heroes.” The maiden closes her eyes tight, as if channeling the little power she has left. “Travel towards the Eastern Sea. I sense another Maiden within the Eastern Temple.”

Vio finds himself nodding, too.

They exit the castle through the dungeons, careful to remain undetected by Shadow Link’s army of monsters. Eventually they reach a path, which according to the sign leads directly from Castle Town to the Eastern Sea. Vio assumes that it’s meant to be followed by traveling merchants, over the course of days.

Red sighs loudly.

“Losing confidence?” Vio asks, almost playfully,.

“Yeah,” says Red, “how’d you know?”

“Because I am you.”

Green stares into the distance, filled with determination. “If Dark Link is our shadow,” he says, “we need to be better to beat him. Be more like father.”

“Yeah,” Vio smirks. “Right now, I’d give us a 50/50 chance.”

“But if we restore the sword we’ll get stronger!” says Red. “And if we can learn some teamwork—”

Blue scoffs, cutting him off. “I don’t care what it takes, we’re doing it.”

Green’s eyes sparkle in the daylight as he addresses his teammates. Vio can’t help but feel a little inspired. “Then it’s decided,” their leader announces. “Let’s go!”

─────────────────

“You’re late,” Vaati tells Shadow as he shuts the door behind him. The one-eyed demon waits at the far end of the conference table, as usual, scrutinizing the shade as he plops down into his own seat.

Steadying his heart, Shadow rolls his eyes. Reclines slightly, enough to slam his boots onto the table. Shoots Vaati a self-satisfied grin. “Sorry, I was busy. Doing things, in my body.”

Vaati’s eye narrows. The Wind Mage may now be free in the world of light, but he still lacks a corporeal form.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Shadow adds. “For breaking the seal.”

“Don’t congratulate yourself just yet.”

The air in the dark room begins to crackle, an occurrence Shadow immediately recognizes. He removes his boots from the table and stiffens his posture.

“Can you hear me?” asks the voice of Ganon, projected from some kind of unreachable void. Shadow isn’t exactly sure how Ganon’s remote oversight works. All he knows is that Ganon created him, Ganon’s will is truth, and Ganon will appear to him only when the time is right.

Not that Shadow cares, or anything.

“We can hear you,” sighs Vaati.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Do you have us on mute?” Shadow asks, helpfully.

Vaati scoffs. “He just said he can’t hear you.” Shadow just shrugs.

“I think I have you on mute,” says Ganon. “Hold on, this is—ah. Yes, I see.”

Vaati and Shadow lock eyes, unsure who should speak first.

“I still can’t hear you,” Ganon repeats, frustrated.

“Lord Ganon,” Vaati finally says, “we are both here.”

“There you are. Excellent.”

Shadow preens under his approval. “My Lord, I have good news. The Wind Mage has been successfully freed, and the Four Sword drawn. Princess Zelda is in our clutches. Hyrule Castle has been overtaken by our forces.”

“Our clutches? Our forces?”

Shadow winces. “Yours, My Lord.”

Ganon pauses for a moment. Shadow grips the edge of the table. “It seems you are serving your purpose, Shadow Link.”

Shadow grins. “You should have seen it, Link’s father was so fooled. And the four heroes—”

“Are dead?” interrupts Ganon, and Shadow’s heart falls.

“Not… as such.”

“Explain yourself, Shadow Link.”

Shadow deliberates each word before it leaves his mouth. “They had assistance, my Lord. The Blue Maiden, while contained, used her remaining light magic to repel my presence and transport them to safety.”

“I see.”

Shadow braces himself for his creator’s disapproval.

“Because the heroes survive,” Ganon says, “they pose a great danger to you.”

Shadow hangs his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t control how I—”

“You are not the perfect being I sought to create, Shadow Link. You are inherently flawed, weak to the light.”

And now the heroes know it too, Shadow realizes, ashamed. Despite all of his prior gleeful theatrics, he hadn’t even considered acting unbothered by the light. Not when it scared him so much, not when it caught his so off-guard. Pathetic.

“However,” continues Ganon, “your failure is not in your weakness.”

Shadow’s breath hitches. “It isn’t?”

“Your failure is in your admittance of defeat. You have the power of darkness at your disposal—use it wisely.”

Shadow takes a deep breath and nods. “Yes, my Lord.”

“You will need to travel in darkness to defeat them,” Ganon instructs. “Do not attempt to approach the heroes during the daytime.”

“But then how am I supposed to—”

“Have patience. Observe. Prevent the four heroes from gaining power, but do not make yourself vulnerable again.”

Shadow’s palms itch. He’s not a delegator, and patience is not one of his virtues. There’s no place for theatricality in this mission. It doesn’t sound fun.

“I won’t disappoint you,” Shadow reassures his creator, already plotting ways to disrupt the heroes�� journey. He could still make this fun. He could succeed, despite his weakness. He isn’t a perfect creation, but he can still be the next best thing.

Or would he be the next worst thing, considering the evil of it all?

“Your supervision is appreciated,” Ganon tells Vaati. “And Shadow Link—”

“Yes?”

“I am… proud of what you have accomplished. I look forward to your future successes.”

Shadow breaks out into an almost childish smile. “Thank you, my Lord!”

Ganon doesn’t respond, but his presence still lingers. Vaati and Shadow exchange a tired glance.

“You have to end the call,” sighs the Wind Mage. “Sir.”

“Right,” says Ganon, admitting no fault of his own. “Meeting adjourned.”

[yuurivoice]

Hey yuuri! When designing or writing a character what would you say is the most important thing to remember and look out for when writing said characters?

I'll preface this by saying I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do this, just what works best for an individual.

For me, I don't really know a character well enough to remember or look out for anything until I'm in the thick of writing them. I don't do such a deep exploration of their character in my own head that I then have to follow notes or a checklist when writing, because that feels like a huge chore, and I would rather let my brain and the character guide me as it feels natural instead of trying to force a character I've only just begun to know in a box.

Seth is a good example of this. I had a million ideas for how Seth was going to be this actual asshole, really toxic, antagonistic character. Then when I sat down to write, we ended up with someone entirely different!

My method is a whole mess, and creates its own unique set of problems for me that could be avoided with thorough planning and preparation, but it just isn't as fun as discovering a character as I go. There are obviously themes and ideas that I go into it with, but I'm not so tied to it that I let it dictate who a character has to be. That shit is magical to me, and I wouldn't enjoy creating nearly as much if I tried to follow a more rigid process.

I will say early on, find some foundational pieces. Answer a few key questions about the character. What is their motivation, and why are they compelled to chase it? What has occurred to them that made that motivation a thing in the first place? How does the world view them? How do they view themselves?

You can learn those key things pretty early on and let the blanks start to fill in themselves, which typically happens when you let that character out into the wild and they interact with your world and the other people in it.

Seth is once again a good example, because I knew he was connected to Alphonse, they were gang buddies, Seth took the fall for him. But why? Well, their relationship was sour but Seth didn't want Alphonse to get locked up. Why? Because Seth doesn't hate him. Why not?

...because he loved him?

Oh.

That's exactly how it played out while I was writing, and set me off on this big journey that is now BitterSweet! I then discovered why their relationship crashed and burned, the whole "I was forcing you to stay because I was stealing money so we could run away, but it cost us our relationship" thing was another discovery.

Other writers have other methods, and some people thrive with much more structure and direction. I tend to do my best somewhere in the middle. But I think what's fun about my method is that if I am logically jumping from why, to why, to how, to why, etc. the audience will also LOGICALLY reach those same questions that are fulfilling to have answered. Set ups and pay offs are inherently built into the narrative because that's what I'm actively chasing for my own enjoyment, rather than creating a massive scenario that I then try to paint by numbers.

The biggest thing for me is not getting so married to an idea that I then feel friction when I can't force the narrative in the direction it wants to go. But that's a whole other thing.

Great question!

[puhpandas]

There’s that sort of fear and sadness i get with Rab, the way he reacted towards the only person he grew close to and didn’t hate him was then deleted, the way he completely lost all chill and went full on manic, saying things you’d never expect Greg to say, especially to his closets friend, it says a lot. But then when he’s pinned to the ground by Vanny having no control over anything anymore and knowing it was the end for him, he just pouts like a child, wishing it never ended in such a way, he just wanted what he could have, and it was taken away from him. I love that you gave Rab, Tarbell and even Vanny their own separate emotions from Tony, Greg and Vanessa, let’s us know they are their own people who have feelings too, simply forced to take the bodies of others to exist, it’s a sad plot but gives them character instead of just, “oooo heyyy i’m an evil virus and I only like to kill!!!!” I love that in stories :)

anyway!! an outstanding story as always percy!! (am i allowed to call you that?!?! I get really anxious calling people by names that aren’t their users :,0) I can’t wait for the next chapters of this story and see the end! ^^

also very excited to see more ideas of yours, story and art wise! :))

I really really wanted to write about the rabbit viruses as people created FROM the humans they possess (and glitchtrap) and explore the concept of since they're sentient and people and have souls, who says they cant change and grow as they live more, seeing more and more outside of what they were created to do as time goes on

I talk a lot more about my thought process an true feelings about the fic in the notes of chapter 9, so expect a dump of thoughts there lol!!

I cant exactly explain why I wrote rab this way right now since thatd be spoilers for the last chapter, but just know I'm so up for talking more about wormwood after its finished!!!

THANK YOU anon!!! I'm so happy my fic touched you enough to write me this message <3 it's always so cool recieving asks about ur fics!!!!!

I'm so glad you enjoyed anon!! I appreciate ur analysis SO much as the writer and hope you enjoy the last chapter :)💜

[tailoroffates]

Tips for anxious people to help them out of their "comfort zone cage"

A Comfort zone is defined as a psychological state in which a person is in a place or situation where they feel comfortable and in control. The things in the comfort zone are familiar and rarely expose those inside to experiencing new challenges. The person isn’t being exposed to new things, thus allowing them to relax. Having a comfort zone is nice, but letting that zone grow is essential to living a fulfilling life. The danger of not allowing your comfort zone room to grow is that it can become more like a cage that locks you inside of it. For instance, I’m Agoraphobic, meaning I get seriously anxious when I try to leave my house. Don’t get me wrong, there are other definitions for Agoraphobia, but this is the category that I fall into. My house became my comfort zone and I’ve become so comfortable and feel so safe inside that now when I leave, I’m exposing myself to scenarios that I no longer feel comfortable in. This puts me into an anxious mindset which makes it difficult for me to overcome, causing me to often experience panic attacks and fainting spells due to overstimulation and high levels of anxiety. A better way to explain this is by using the “Comfort, Stretch, Panic Model" of Ryan A, and Markova D. They define 3 different learning processes which all people experience throughout their lives, well… Except maybe sociopaths. First, we have the Comfort zone. I’ve explained this a bit, but I’ll still touch on the basics just to get the point across.

The “Comfort” zone: Inside our comfort zone, there is no fear or discomfort. This is the place we feel most at ease, as all things here are familiar to us. We aren’t exposed to new learning processes or challenges here, but this is also where the downside comes in. You see, without opening ourselves up to those new challenges we have no room to grow or reflect on ourselves as individuals. Things here just remain the same (much like me and being worried about leaving my house).

The “Stretch” zone: In the stretch zone we reach our middle ground, right between the three zones. Though things seem new and unfamiliar here, learning is still possible. By being exposed to new challenges in small doses we can explore our boundaries and maybe even push at them a little. - The “Panic” zone: This zone is exactly as it sounds. It’s a mental state in which we experience stress, panic, fear, and challenges in a manner that makes learning impossible, typically engaging the “fight or flight” reactions. In this state, a vast majority of our energy is spent on us trying to control and manage our stress, fear, and panic. When a person gets trapped in this mindset for too long they begin to struggle with exploring their boundaries and in most cases it causes them to slink back into their comfort zone, making it more and more difficult for them to leave their comfort zone, hence the term “comfort zone cage.”

As you can see from the explanations above, the comfort zone cage isn’t a physical problem, it’s a mindset that people who struggle with anxiety too often can get stuck in where they fear new challenges and experiences. In my opinion, and I know this is going to make the anxious few nervous, the best way to creep out of that comfort zone cage is to open yourself to new experiences in small doses. Take those baby steps to introduce yourself to things you might enjoy, but baby steps only. Don’t overstimulate yourself or put too much pressure on the experience, or you may reinforce the anxious habits and tendencies that have you feeling trapped.

The goal here is to slip into the “stretch zone” and explore ways to build new “happy habits,” as the more you can get out there and try those things, the more often you’ll be able to do it and the better you’ll feel when you succeed. Don’t forget to applaud your efforts when you make progress as this is another “happy habit” that will help reinforce your efforts toward rewiring your brain. Don’t beat yourself up when you don’t succeed, instead, find the areas that you did well in and maximize on those. Be nice to you! <3

[ficsofabotchedmind]

I think I'm in hell 4

Summary? Eheheh, no. 🤭

Warnings? Yep.; mention of torture, talks of blackmail, clear sexual innuendo, Wednesday smiling & blushing, talks of decapitation

Translations (If I’m wrong, please tell me.):

Cara mia - My beloved in Italian

Ma chérie - My darling in French

Notre loup - Our wolf in French

Chapters 1 2 3

——————————————————————————

Chapter 4

It was clear to see which way Wednesday went, all Enid had to do was follow the path of cowering students and scratched walls.

It was clear to see which way Wednesday went, all Enid had to do was follow the path of cowering students and scratched walls. 

Inside the room 

Enid carefully pushed open the door and could see and hear Wednesday who was pacing back and forth and mumbling to herself. It was clear to Enid the girl was beyond mad, but at least she knew it was only at the fact that Morticia and Gomez were now a part of the faculty. 

Wednesday, hearing the door open, whirled around and hissed, “You knew? You knew that Weems had hired my parents?” 

Enid flinched, not because she was scared but because she knew she had lied, “Yes, but only because I accidentally found out! Mom made me promise not to tell you or anyone!” 

Wednesdays eye twitched, “She blackmailed you?” 

Enids eyes widened, “No! No, she didn’t blackmail me! Wednesday, I just didn’t want to disappoint her like I disappointed Esther.” 

Wednesday softened at that, and she knew Weems had no clue of Enids thought process about that issue. While the girl is very bubbly and outgoing, she also holds certain things close to her chest and will not let anyone see, even her mother. 

Wednesday approached a guilty Enid who had her head hung and carefully cupped the sides of her neck and placed her forehead against the colorful blondes, “Cara mia, I am not mad at you, I promise you that and I will certainly not fault you for your feelings pertaining to the matter, and I will not go after Weems for this because she does not know of your feelings on the matter.” 

Pressing a gentle kiss to Enids forehead, she then gritted out with a menacing smile, “Hiring my parents as teachers? I can and will blame her for that and make sure from here on out her life is miserable, and not in a good way.” 

Enid sighed, “But Wednesday, we need a new botanical sciences teacher and with your mom’s knowledge of plants, she’s perfect for the job. We also need a weapons instructor, and the only reason mom named it that was so your father would say yes.” 

Wednesday, still unmoved, “That makes me even angrier and instead of making your mother's life miserable, I’ll take hers, my mothers, my fathers, and my brothers heads on spikes.” 

Enid chuckled and then had a bright idea, wrapping her arms around the ravens waist, pulling her closer, she gave her a long kiss and when she pulled back, “Think of it this way, my tiny raven. With your parents now here and not 6 hours away, you get to torture them and Pugsley on a daily basis and instead of dreaming of the screams and reactions, you get to see it all unfold in front of you.” 

Wednesday, a bit fuzzy and red from the kiss, took a second to think and finally, after a few minutes of thinking, “Fine, you have a point. I would enjoy hearing the screams of my brother whenever I please and watching my mother get driven crazy having to undo any spell I may cast or cast out any demon I may summon. My father, making him lose in fencing in front of the whole school and damaging his pride definitely sounds appealing. Weems, I’ll cause so much trouble, she’ll be ripping out her hair.” 

Enid, seeing no other avenue to explore, confirmed with the raven and said with a smirk, “Now, how about I make it up to you?” 

Wednesday, knowing exactly what that means, agrees hurriedly with a big, dopey smile and bright eyes. 

Meanwhile, back in Larissas office 

Larissa, still sitting at her desk, had the look of an animal who’s been cornered, “See, I told you I was dead! The child will murder me in my sleep!” 

Morticia laughed and carefully approached Larissa, wrapped her arms around the blonde’s shoulders, and placed a gentle kiss upon the platinum blonde halo. 

Gomez looked towards Larissa and then nudged Pugsley, “You know, I wouldn’t have expected you to be such a chicken, Larissa.” 

At that, both Larissas and Morticia's heads snapped towards Gomez. Morticia was wearing a look of shock, but Larissas eyes narrowed, “Did you just call me a chicken, you bloody gnome?” 

Morticia knew that if she didn’t intervene there would be an argument and the arguments between Larissa and Gomez were very petty and someone would get their feelings hurt, mainly Gomez. 

“Now, that is enough. You’d think I was dealing with two children instead of two adults!” Morticia spoke sternly 

Both Larissa and Gomez had the decency to look ashamed at what they had both said, but obviously neither of them were. They only do things to make Morticia happy, that’s at least one thing they can agree on. 

Morticia spoke up again, “Now, why don’t we go see the girls and talk about this?” 

Larissa scoffed, “I’m not stupid, I know that Wednesday as a full arsenal in their room, and against my rules might I add. I feel much safer in here, where I know all objects that can cause death are safely put away.” 

Pugsley was about to speak up in agreement as was Gomez, but before either one could say anything Morticia silenced them both with a look that clearly said they were doing this. 

Morticia carefully pulled Larissas chair from her desk and sat in her lap, “Ma chérie, you would earn Wednesday’s respect by being brave enough to step into her domain. So, what’s say we all go, hmm?” 

Larissa, seeing Morticia's point, said, “Fine, we’ll go to them.” 

Upon hearing Gomez snicker, Morticia simply said, “Gomez, enough.” 

Larissa, already being ill with the man, said, “Shut it, you gnome.” 

Pugsley, not ready to be decapitated, wisely suggested, “Why don’t we give them an hour? That will give a higher chance of Enid calming Wednesday down.” 

Larissa, Morticia, and Gomez shared a look, all three knowing that if they walked in now the poor wolf would be scarred and Wednesday would throw many of her knives at their heads. 

That all spoke at once, “Agreed.” 

1 hour later 

“Well, I think that should be enough time, let’s get going. Chop chop!” Morticia spoke 

All Larissa could do as they all left her office was think, “God I hope they are finished, I really don’t want to witness that.” 

At the girls shared room 

Everyone saw it best if Morticia knocked on the door, so as she knocked and called out, she couldn’t help but think, "This family is made entirely of chickens.” 

Inside the room 

The girls heard the knock and the sound of Morticia's voices calling out to be let in. The girls, having just cleaned up, nodded to each other. 

Enid opened the door as was greeted by Morticia's kind smile, “Thank you for letting us in, notre loup. Were you able to calm Wednesday?” 

While Enid stood shocked at how Morticia could know what just took place while Wednesday, not shocked at all, spoke up, “Mother, enough. Get in before the whole dorm finds out.” 

Morticia chuckles, puts her hands up in a call of peace, and enters alongside the three chickens, “Now, how about we talk about everything that’s happened and will happen?” 

Without a beat Larissa grumbled under her breath, “Not bloody everything.” 

Now that earned the blonde a sharp look and with that, she shut up knowing that it was best, because she knows she could lose certain privileges. 

“Now children, do you have any questions pertaining to the relationship between Larissa and I?” 

A chord of no’s was heard and that truly confused the adults, so Morticia spoke up, “Are you sure? We know this is a big shock.” 

The two teens and the pre-teen looked at each other and gave a shake of their heads along with Wednesday adding her opinion on the matter, “It was only a matter of time that you two would come to your senses. I could see it at the first meeting and mother?” 

Morticia looked to her daughter, “Yes, my little bat?” 

“The look of shock when Weems said you two were roommates did not help your case at all and neither did “stately sequoia tree”. While you tried to make that name sound bitter it didn’t work, I saw right through it. Never say that name around me again or I will put railroad spikes through my ears.” Wednesday said through gritted teeth and a roll of the eyes 

With that, Morticia and Larissa looked towards each other in what was not quite shock or surprise but more so of an oh. 

Larissa then spoke up, voicing her worries to everyone, “None of you truly mind?” 

Enid spoke first, “I’ve known you for a while, Principal Weems and I’ve seen how much of yourself you put towards this school in that time and here recently, I’ve earned the pleasure of calling you mom and also seeing how much you put everything towards the school and the students and none towards yourself. You deserve happiness, mom and if Morticia can make you happy then I accept it.” 

Larissa gasped a bit, tears shining in her eyes she called forth the bubbly blonde she now calls a daughter and brought her into the tightest hug she could and placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. 

Pugsley just smiled at Larissa and said, “Welcome to the family! If you make mom happy and can help me give Wednesday hell, then you’re ok with me.” 

Larissa let out a wet laugh and beckoned him forward to join the hug to which he happily did so, “I’ll happily do all I can.” 

Wednesday spoke last, “While you have done nothing but be a thorn in my side since I have arrived, I have nothing bad to say. But this does give me more of a chance to make your life miserable in many more ways now. I am going to give you hell, Weems. Mark my words.” 

Larissa, very relieved, let out a wet bark of laughter, “Give me your worst.” 

Both Larissa and Wednesday smirked at one another, knowing there was a lot of hellish fun to come. 

“Now,” spoke Morticia, “about your father and I joining the faculty. How are you feeling about it now that you have had time to think?” 

Wednesday glared at them and gritted out, “I am not happy about it, but I will manage. Enid bought up some very good perks to having all of you here and I couldn’t help but agree.” 

Curious, Morticia asked, “What points are those, my little bat?” 

Wednesday let an evil smirk cross her face, “You will see in due time mother, all in due time but don't expect me to not treat you and father like every single one on faculty. Neither of you get special treatment." 

Gomez and Morticia looked at one another, nodded, and looked back to Wednesday and Morticia said with a smile, "Deal, we expect nothing but hell from you, our little killing machine." 

Wednesday looked at the adults and Pugsley and sized them all up, gave a wicked smirk, "I'm going to make your lives miserable." 

The Addams family smirked while Larissa, who had turned sheet white, could only say, "Oh God, my own personal hell." 

[not-poignant]

How much does money effect how and what you write? If money wasn't an issue would you write more or less? Or would you still write but go with different ideas?

As a professional artist myself I sometimes ponder what projects I'd choose to do if I wasn't worried about finances. Because sometimes the things we want to create aren't financially viable, and that can really put a limit on our creative freedom and potential. But it's sometimes nice to daydream right

Hi hi anon,

Tbh I don't know how to easily answer these questions, because I do need money to live, and that's tied into my writing, so it's hard to imagine exactly how things would change.

Generally speaking, I'm quite a... rebellious writer, in the sense that I work hard to find readers who like what I do, vs. writing to market or writing for broad or wide audiences. The former would net me more money, faster. But I don't really do anything the 'right' way, I do it in the way that is the most fun for me.

So wherever possible, I am actually trying to do the things that best explore my creative freedom and potential. I tried writing more to market with Perth Shifters and while I don't regret writing those books, I don't love them like others do and I can't reread them, and didn't really enjoy the process. It actually taught me a lot about the costs of like... trying to do things the 'right way' because it makes more sense from a business perspective.

It didn't make more sense for me. Having unmedicated ADHD for so much of this was definitely a part of that!

Otherwise though, there are things that would change. For a start, I'd work less and take more breaks. I'd also have more nights to myself. I actually sacrifice a lot of evenings (particularly early evenings) to put up chapters in a timezone that's most user-friendly to the majority of people in the northern hemisphere. For many years that actually meant I could never go out and see friends or family on a Friday night.

Now it's Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday (not always, but at least always Thursdays). So when I'm organising cathcing up with people, there's a lot of 'I can't do it that day.'

I'd say money most effects how much I write. I wouldn't have a monthly word-count to hit, if this was just a hobby, for example. I definitely wouldn't write as much! But honestly, I already write less than I used to. Over time, I've realised the things I want/need the most are the things I should be working into my career anyway. Part of being your own boss is not being as much of a cunt to yourself as your other bosses were ;)

And I'm a pretty terrible boss to myself! I'm working on being less of that, lol.

I don't think I'd really write that many different ideas. I'd probably write more fanfiction.

I've been quite lucky, because in many respects, I have altered my writing career to suit me, instead of altering myself to suit a generic writing career. I think the latter is a really great path to permanent burnout, and I've been doing this for almost 10 years, and I feel like I'm figuring it out more and more as time goes by.

I write very self-indulgent stories! I didn't think Falling Falling Stars would be successful, anon. I thought people would hate me for it, I thought I'd lose money for it.

My writing career is running a line between 'I think this will earn money' and 'I think this won't but I'm so obsessed with this project I think others will get obsessed with it too so it might not be as big a risk as I fear it is.' If anything, anon, Mallory & Mount feels like probably the biggest risk, along with Vexteria, anything that isn't Fae Tales. But I'm going to take those risk/s, because I want to trust that they'll pay off.

I like to think that one of the reasons many of my readers trust me and my writing, is that they know I'm writing the stuff I love the most, in the way I love the most - hurt/comfort and trauma recovery and BDSM in serial format. I'm not forcing myself to be a more typical writer. The downside to that is I don't yet make a liveable income. The upside to that is that I make a steady income with readers who really get this writing, and who are wonderful people.

When I used to work as a professional artist, I pretty quickly started refusing commissions. I don't do writing commissions either. There's so many things I don't do that I could do purely for money. I've made a lot of choices for quality of life, keeping my health in mind, which means the only thing I'd really change anon is nothing really to do with the content, and everything to do with just the amount.

If I had a secure income, I'd write, but I'd write less. And a bit more of it might be fanfiction. But who knows! I hope you can find more ways to make the things that seem like financial dead-ends into something viable. Falling Falling Stars looks like a dead-end from the outside in, it's an 800k novel about a boy learning how to be nicer, and that's it. It has no huge epic plot, it has no especially dense worldbuilding, it's 9-10 times longer than a standard novel. It should never have been financially viable.

Yet it was one of the more successful things I've ever written, and plenty of newcomers into the fandom these days get here via Falling Falling Stars and not Game Theory. Isn't that wild?

Sometimes it's the thing that breaks the rules that still does well. I like to think that's a combination of me really loving the thing, and it having a lot of authenticity in it, which means there's a lot for other folks to resonate with and feel personally. And maybe some skill to pull it off!

I'm very lucky to be where I'm at. But I'm also pretty realistic that I don't think I could be successful if I only made 'financially smart choices' because I would have so little of my heart left in it, that I'd eventually just abandon it entirely.

And frankly, I think a lot of viewers / readers etc. can tell when someone doesn't love something. Or at least, some of them can. It's more fun when we all get to love the same thing together, vs. me writing stuff while thinking 'but I really wish I was writing this other stuff' and my readers loving something I don't. The latter is pretty crushing, and I can't do that. I'd rather work retail, instead of turning a creative career into that.

That's my biggest flaw as a creator, frankly, that I'm selfish enough and indulgent enough that it has to be very much on my terms, and therefore that only appeals to a narrow bandwidth of readers/folks. That doesn't mean I don't work really fucking hard, but I could only work this hard for something that feeds my soul and allows me creative freedom, I'm too sick (literally) to consider any other options.

And if 'money at the expense of creative freedom' was my actual goal, I would do literally any other job that guaranteed an income, because you can make way more consistently doing retail, than you can doing even 'commercially viable writing' in many cases!

[bunny-hoodlum]

For the ask game! 3. Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics? 10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process? 29. Are there any characters, relationships, or general character dynamics you've never written about but would like to try?

Heyyy! Thank you for the ask @wickermayne! I pushed this answer back because I felt like I needed more time to think about my answers. 😅 Which, I didn't exactly do either tbh. 👉👈😓 I lowkey hated I didn't have anything controversial that I could 'get arrested for' if I wrote it or that my readers would hate, that actually bothered me so much, like how boring am I? 😂😂😂

[Yet Another] 'Questions for Fic Writers'

Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics?

Yes, I love these kind of vibes in Seinen manga and character drama movies, and maybe some of my own existential feels is worked in there, too. Self-sabotage, alienation, regret, and loss of time/chances, oh and things you want but can't have, I suppose. On the fun side of things, I like to explore taboo as a whole. I can't quite describe the cocktail of inner conflict that I makes a fic sing for me when I write it, but Asynchronous With You has it and I think most of my fics do too, but AWY is the easiest to explain. Hinata wants to be with Naruto romantically or for the rest of her life but she can't have both, unless something changes. Naruto wants to be with Hinata for the rest of his life but not romantically (as far as he knows). Both want the same thing but for different reasons and if they're honest with each other, they might lose each other forever. It's stuff like that I loooooove. I feel like my DILF fic has it to some extent as well, like, even if Naruto sleeps with jailbait!Hinata, he can separate the sex from his stronger desire to be a parent, so intent and actions are going to be at odds at all times until something changes, and Hinata is going to be attaching herself to this rollercoaster whether she regrets it or not, because it's either pain or nothing at all. And, at least the pain can bring her some excitement in her life. I guess whenever I get to my Idle Hands rewrite, this theme is gonna play out similarly with Hinata too, that the pain Naruto and Sasuke put her through at least is interesting. 😅

What's you favorite part of the fic writing process?

The writing itself, but the annoying thing is I need be totally relaxed, not sleepy in the slightest, words actually make sense in my head and I'm totally immersed in the work. Then it's like I'm experiencing it live as it's happening. I wish headspace was more accessible, like sometimes editing can take me there because the thing exists and I'm refining it. But what I mean is, if I could just write bad to begin with or let myself and then clean it up, clean it up, clean it up once last time, that'd be great. I could be more methodical instead of waiting to get possessed by brain chemicals or some touch of inspo from another dimension. 😅

Are there any characters, relationships, or general character dynamics you've never written about but would like to try?

Very, very casually, I think, yes? I told you about IruHina, but it's gonna be one of those things that I need to have totally solid interest in so that way I don't care if it's such a rarepair that nobody is interested in it, that I still write it anyways. 😂 Right now, I'm trying to write NaruKurostuchi but for the DILF fic, not sure if that counts, but I am trying to flesh it out, so I'm trying to explore it in good faith for the sake of the story. I might need to build up his backstory at some point here, figure out who his other exes are. 🤭 As for general character dynamics... Enemies to Lovers is probably the one thing I've never touched, be it in fiction, fanfiction or in my own daydreams. 🤔 Which might seem ironic, considering the amount of hate sex-adjacent fics I've pumped out recently. 😂 But I would like to try, of course I need a story for this that catches my interest. 😅 Other character dynamics, think those would be the other age gap WIPs I haven't gotten around to yet. Can't think of anything else. 🤔

[noglorysavehonor]

Just read the book If You Could See The Sun by Ann Liang.

I liked it a lot, especially considering it's not really my genre! It was almost everything I wanted out of a Gen Z, class-conscious, YA straight romance book. As someone who isn't Chinese, but has had many Third Culture friends, I really enjoyed reading its exploration of the Chinese / Third Culture Kid experience.

I do think for the author's first novel it's a very strong work. The characterization and growth of the protagonist was strong, and felt emotionally authentic. The exploration of class and race and culture shock is well-integrated to the plot, and feels neither grimdark nor saccharine... the people just feel like people, not paragons or villains. I think both of these areas were real accomplishments!

My main critiques are about the ending, which IMO is also always the hardest part to pull off. It also means I can't easily talk about my feelings in detail without spoilers, so I'll put em under a readmore.

Overall, for my tastes, I'd give the book a B (85/100). But if a YA romance set in an international highschool in Beijing with class consciousness and mild supernatural elements sounds like your kind of book, I strongly recommend it. I knew going in that it's not my normal thing, and I enjoyed it anyways!

Okay, my (long) thoughts on the ending under the cut:

[Before I start, in case you're a megafan (or the actual author herself??): These critiques come from a place of love and respect; I Am Not A Hater. I just have strong personal opinions about what I want to see in a story ending, and wanted to express them while analyzing how the book didn't fulfill them. My opinions are not facts, art is subjective, etc. ANYWAYS.]

My biggest complaint is pretty common with the way straight romances are often portrayed, and is a major pet peeve of mine:

The payoff of a romance, for me, is hearing the other person say what they like about the protagonist!

Henry's interest in Alice is always implied, of course, but there's never a scene where he outright says every single little thing he adores about Alice (flustering her terribly in the process!) Instead, the payoff of the romance is watching him flex his richboy power to help her (which is great, and I don't begrudge it) and then the kiss.

The kiss is...it's fine. I understand making it the center piece. But I wish it had more to back it up.

I think this sort of approach to writing romance is based on the idea that... you want to leave the romantic lead vague so that the reader can fill in what elements they'd like best. But for me, I want the complete opposite approach. I want to know exactly what these two people are like, and exactly why they like each other!! The whole pull of romance media is seeing two weirdos fit each other perfectly!!

First-person romance especially is so good when we finally get to hear how the protagonist is being interpreted by outside viewers. Which the novel does explore, a bit, with her Study Machine nickname! But I was so sad when it didn't give Henry the chance to explain himself and let us understand him better.

That would have allowed us to reread the whole book while understanding what Henry's moments of bare affection are about! That sense of dramatic romantic irony is so delicious and makes romance stories so re-readable! AND- wouldn't it have been wonderful to watch Alice try her best to deflect and argue Henry out of every positive trait he lists?? To get almost ANGRY that he dares to love her as a flawed person, not just for her successes!!!

AUGH.

Anyways sdkdflkjsd those are my Romance Critiques. (I had the same major complaint with Kimi no Na wa, too...)

My other main critique is: It feels like her characterization as being strongly self-analytical fell off at the end.

I think the best way of pointing it out is the scene in which she lies to her Baba about the true nature of the Beijing Ghost app without feeling a shred of guilt. It felt a little odd given her characterization of strong guilt and filial piety in the rest of the book.

Plus, it's a tough pill to swallow that... she had this entire major thing going on in her life, and she's just not ever going to open up about it with her family, who clearly deeply love her. I recognize that it would be pretty hard to do so given her family dynamic and potential legal consequences. But still, I'd at least like an acknowledgement that it's a sucky position for her to be in, to have to lie (for the rest of her life?) about that.

And while she does recognize that she's been chasing what other people find valuable and not considering what she wants... and she also realizes that if she, as a kid of a poor family, is offered A Million Yuan to do a crime, that's deeply coercive and she shouldn't be held completely at fault while the rich person gets off scotch free (we LOVE the class consciousness!!!)...

I guess I would have loved to see her put two and two together and recognize that Airington is genuinely a bad place for her to be. That she is destroying her health, committing a HUGE amount of crime, and has ZERO social life, all so she can fit to a mold that wasn't meant for her, and kicked her out as soon as her desperation became too evident.

Which, like, she got a chance to call the school out for those things, which is awesome! Very necessary catharsis! And she was close to realizing this stuff, like in the hotel scene where she can't bring herself to enjoy the socialization. She just doesn't make much more progress past that point.

TL;DR: I think overall there's an understandable desire to speed up the narrative once we're past the big climax, but I feel like it went by so fast that important threads of character development lost their chance to reach satisfying conclusions. So a lot of things I personally wanted to see happen in the romance and her own personal growth never got shown.

(Maybe at some point I'll write down my whole visualization of how I would rewrite the ending to address all these things. Listen. The Fanfiction Instinct is upon me. Which means I liked the book! I only ever want to remix stories I really enjoyed! It's a compliment! slkdfjdslkjf)