#and eat Alfreds food

[skylersprompts]

DC x DP Prompt *6*

The entire Bat-Clan was on their way back from a mission abroad. Batman was the one in command of the Bat-Plane, while the kids tended to their wounds or were asleep. (Tim may have slept only 3 hours this entire week and Bruce would probably have to carry him to bed, as soon as they would be home.) Alfred knew that the family was on their way and was probably already cooking up a feast. Soon they could all rest.

At least that was the plan.

Before the Bat could even register what was happening, a swirling green Portal opened in front of the plane. Every system was screeching, while his kids all got ready for a fight.

He couldn't do anything to stop them from making contact and just two seconds after the green mass appeared the plane collided with it.

But on the other side was just more green. And some floating, purple doors.

Bruce immediately turned the plane around, but he was just greeted with the exact same few, without a portal.

And one look on the scans showed that they weren't in any to the Justice League known dimension.

They drifted through the strange world, sometimes seeing floating islands among the green abyss. While they all stayed vigilant, they also started to theorize.

The only one not participating was Jason, who had the strange feeling of a Deja Vu.

The green seemed to go on forever, at least until another green vortex opened in front of them and they incident repeated itself.

And for a split second they all thought that they are back in their world, but the navigation system seemed to be unable to provide them with any information on how to get home or on the place they landed in.

The Batman grunted in a way that all his children knew.

It was the grunt he made, when he wasn't able to say 'fuck'.

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 74

When a new black-haired blue-eyed person appeared in the manor, one could easily be forgiven for thinking that Bruce’s adoption problem had struck again. So color many a batkid surprised that no, this kid isn’t a new sibling, no he didn’t get grabbed from the street, and actually he’s here for Alfred. Apparently Alfred never found it important to mentioned that he has a husband- that the kid kind of implies isn’t human what with the casual way he says he himself is half human- and that this kid is apparently their child. For once it’s Bruce’s turn to come home to a surprise sibling. 

Danny on the other hand just learned that his Clockpa has a semi-mortal partner who has offered to take him in, (in another dimension even! And there’s aliens!!) while the ancient takes care of some stuff at home. And yeah it’s in a rich-manor but Sam has proved that not all rich people are evil, and based off of Mr Pennyworth’s stories the Waynes weren’t bad either. Though based off of the others’ reactions perhaps he should wait to mention that there wasn’t one new family member but three…

[littlefankingdom]

I know y'all are not ready for it, but I'm this close 🤏 to hc Bruce having an eating disorder because of how strict Alfred is written about food in canon and fanon. Everyone is writing it as if it's a funny joke that the Batfam has to hide "unhealthy" snacks from him, but it's not. (Btw, just the "healthy" and "unhealthy" label are wrong and bad. Food is food.)

In the comics, Bruce will be offered a donut and think about how Alfred would disapprove and how it will harm his health, before accepting. And, sure, to live the life he lives, Bruce need to follow a particular diet. But it's just ONE donut, it cannot harm him. That's not a healthy mindset at all. The fact that Bruce, as a grown adult with kids, is thinking about Alfred's reaction to him eating a donut before accepting, vocalizing how it is against the rules, is alarming.

And maybe I would accept it, as a non-usamerican, if it was because of the toxic things they put in your food there (criminal what they make you eat), but it's never about that. No, it's about the calories and the heartburn, and "fast food and sugar" are bad, and "poor people food is bad" (Alfred's classicism is another point for another time). Alfred controls what the Wayne eat and he is very controlling about that, as the boys will also comment about Alfred disapproving something before eating it. This is some ED behavior, you shouldn't worry about food like this. And like, I'm split between being thankful neither Bruce or the kids enforce it to one another, but also being annoyed they need to remind others how "Alfred wouldn't approve" when they see them eating something not allowed.

Thinking about Dick and his cereals, especially that Nightwing (2016) page where he gets a Nightwing truck and it has a compartiment with a ton of cereals. It is a commun behavior in children who were restricted some type of food to over indulge in it once they are independent. If cereals were something Alfred was against because he finds it "unhealthy", Dick's extreme love for cereals is a red flag.

Me, talking about Bruce: The boy was mentally fucked up enough, you didn't have to give him an ED on top, Alfred!

[frownyalfred]

This is certainly projecting at least in part BUT. It makes me sad to think of Bruce not eating real food or not allowing himself to have sweets like cake etc. I feel like food is such an integral part of the human experience and has so much capacity to bring joy and community and the idea of him not allowing himself to partake in that seems masochistic.

Plus imagine him having to tell Alfred, no I don’t want your home cooked meals that you made for me as a child, that you fed my parents, that you’ve perfected over the years. Agh.

Oof yeah. It's a very clear example of where The Mission intersects or interferes with Bruce Wayne, the person. How much is he willing to compromise in order to keep the peace with both parts of his life? It's a very interesting question. I think Alfred gets used to it over time (we see him make Bruce smoothies and nag, but never outright despair over uneaten food) but it's much harder with a house full of kids who eat and are growing while eating, etc.

But yeah, there are lots of parts of Bruce's training and regimen that appear or straight up are masochistic. I think the important distinction is he doesn't force it on anyone else, it's his own personal structure. And when he does let Alfred's guilt get to him, it's usually for the better.

[ghurab-alzilal]

*Kory and Raven's first Thanksgiving dinner at Wayne Manor *

Damian: Do you like vegan food? Because, see, I love animals so we don't...

*Fire alarm sounds coming from the kitchen*

Damian: Oh, no! The Tofurky!

Tim, with sharply sarcasm : Oh, no, we may have to eat a real turkey!

Jason, pulling out a hunting whistle out of nowhere : Oh, Jerry~ *blows the whistle* Come here delicious little friend~ *blows the whistle again*

Raven: Is that...

Alfred (Pennyworth): It's okay.

Kory: But Damian is putting Jason inside the oven...

Alfred (Pennyworth), deeply sighs : Come, I'll show you the rest of the Manor.

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Robin keeps receiving packed lunches.

He's not sure how it keeps happening. Any time Damian sits still for more than a second theres a small crincling sound of a paper bag and when he looks over to where the sound oriented from he sees the packed lunch.

This would be odd enough even before you counted the notes inside. The first one simply wrote, "from your loving clone ❤" which was concerning but upon fathers inspection none of the food had been tampered with, though the food choice was odd. Signal asked if he could have the fruit roll up since Damian didn't want it.

If this was a clone than what did they want? Why not come out and fight him? Were they trying to lure him into a false sense of security and poison the food at a later date? Why not strike him while they had the upper hand? It was clear Damian would not see them coming judging by how close the supposed "clone" could get before dropping off the packages.

Danny in the meantime hoped his clone dad liked the packed lunches he packed for him. He also hoped the Robin wouldn't try to stab him anytime soon.

Plot twist: its a Damian and Danyal are twins au but the twist is that Danyal is dead and Danny is actually Danyals clone instead of Damians. Neither know yet.

[p1nkshield]

Hi 👋 This is chapter four of the Estranged Uncle Au!

Just a warning there is mentions of cults and a scene that has Damian being Damian (AKA knife child) Please take care of yourselves! I hope you enjoy!

Clark was sweating buckets.

“I promise you I’m not in danger! This is all a big misunderstanding! Bruce isn’t even that creepy!”

Jazz rattled off several reasons.

“He has a cloyingly sweet public persona, his personal computer has extensive information on all of the local rogues in the area and all the adopted sons we’ve met look practically identical to both each other and you and Danny! Not to mention they all seem trained for combat! How is that not creepy?”

Okay from an impartial standpoint Clark could see how it looked like he was tied up in a cult.

“I swear if another fruitloop billionaire obsessed with one of my family members tries to adopt me I’m gonna wail!”

How specific!

“Wail?” Clark began to ask but was cut off.

“Are you tied up in a cult Clark? Because we can get you out if you are! I … uh know a guy who specializes in taking down cults.”

What?

“I promise you I’m not in a cult! The blue eyes and black hair is a coincidence and I am not in danger! Also what do you mean you know a guy who specializes in taking down cults!?!”

Danny squinted.

“Hold that thought. Everyone stop talking!”

Danny reached towards Clark’s shoulder and picked out a small device, no bigger than a grain of rice out of his cable knit sweater.

“No one who plants listening devices into sweaters isn’t creepy.”

He then promptly threw it to the ground and crushed it with his heel.

“That’s the end of the recording.” Tim said while cringing.

“Sleazy?!? Me? Sleazy? I did a back handspring on hardwood floors for them and they call me sleazy?!”

Dick thought that he could win them over. Was he too heavy handed?

“It’s probably because you fell asleep in the pico de gallo timber.” Jason joked as he inspected the weapons vault.

“What? Me?!? I was the only one who made any headway! I was just up late trying to track whoever was hacking us!” Tim defended.

“Well good news! You found ‘em! Let me know when they hack my library account seeing as the Big bad bat computer is being hacked by a couple teens.” Jason said dismissively as he took a flamethrower fuel canister.

Bruce was experiencing a new amalgamation of emotions. He was both incredibly embarrassed, incredibly amused and incredibly impressed.

How embarrassing that the bat computer was hacked! He put so much effort into the protection of his data!

But then again Clark must be beside himself trying to convince them he wasn’t in a cult and that was incredibly amusing. He even said all the things that people said when they were in denial about being in a cult!

This was absurd! The only way to describe this was absurd!

“Fools! All of you do not truly understand the gravitas of the situation! If they believe that we are indeed weapons dealers they may snoop further and compromise all of our secret identities!” Damian huffed his way into the view of his family.

“We’ll be alright Dami, Tim is reinforcing our defenses for the computer and we’re going to try and disengage for a while. If we keep on trying we might make it worse.” Dick ruffled through Damian’s hair despite many protests.

Damian tutted at this suggestion. They needed to approach the problem head on and quickly rectify the situation lest it spiral into a larger one. Perhaps if they suffered an accident.

“Damian! I know that face! That’s the face you make when you go off and try to rectify the situation by yourself!”

“That is not true Grayson! I was simply thinking about confiding in my companion about how tedious my science project is.”

“You promise you’re only going to engage in age appropriate activities like science homework and book reports?”

“I promise.”

"I'm choosing to believe you" Dick began to walk away before pulling another sour face. "...Sleazy?"

Damian checked his hidden blades one final time before encroaching upon this Daniel Fenton who had foolishly entered an alleyway. He deftly held a knife to the throat of his target.

"If you continue to snoop into my father's business I will not hesitate to cut you down!"

Damian was expecting to me met with fear and copious apologies. He was a fearsome and terrifying warrior after all.

"Are you trying to hold me at knifepoint on your tippy-toes?" The target said in the same tone that one would use with a kitten trying to jump a bit too high. They should be focused on the clear danger Damian was posing. Or at least the danger he was posing. Between the moment Damian looked at his feet and the moment he looked back up to find a very unperturbed Danny.

"Did your father put you up to this?" He asked.

"No! I acted of my own accord!"

"Well are there anymore ineffective threats you want to say?"

Damian was about to say something when his stomach audibly growled. Curses! He could not bring a meal in order to maintain secrecy from Alfred! Damian slowly looked up towards Danny's face. He has that look that Grayson gets before he does something annoying like ruffle his hair.

"Are you hungry?"

Damian did not dignify this question with an answer and began to storm off.

"I'm having some friends over, we can spare you a plate! My friend Sam chose the menu though so its vegan."

Damian stopped in his tracks.

"What is it that you are making?"

"Cauliflower gnocchi with cashew cream pesto."

"And this is taking place in Clark's home?"

"yep."

"Fine. But I will not be lenient with you because you've offered me a meal!"

Danny laughed and texted Sam

"Hey get another bundle of basil Im bringing a guest"

[emo-batboy]

Battinson and Food

He’s vegetarian and I will hear none of your crap

Depression meals, so many depression meals

I already made a post of his greatest hits here but here's three more:

A whole tub of apple sauce

Instant grits mixed with a hot chocolate packet

And a bowl of croutons

Some meals have actually graduated from the “Depression Meal” category to “Whenever I Can Sneak It Out of the Kitchen” status (because Alfred is appalled every time)

Dick, with the invincible, titanium-lined stomach of a 9yo, doesn’t know why Bruce makes them, but he loves taking bites of Bruce’s weird concoctions.

His favorites so far are:

Cream cheese and jelly sandwich

Spoonfuls of peanut butter (with chocolate chips, that was his idea)

And frozen garlic bread

Diner Food is King. (This is New Jersey. What did you expect?) His go-to order is two eggs over easy, well-done rye toast, grits with syrup and butter, and a fruit cup with no melons from the 24-hour place two blocks east. Hasn’t changed since he was five. Never will.

Bruce can cook food that is edible. Edible.

Like if he tries to make Italian, he can successfully cook the pasta. He can make a basic sauce. He can even plate it.

The tomato sauce is crunchy in some places, yes, but it’s fine :) and it is edible

but Bruce has NEVER succeeded in a baking endeavor, and it positively devastates him every single time

“Baking is science! I love science! I’m great at science. So why didn’t the cake rise when I did everything on the recipe?!” “You need to make it with love-“ “That wasn’t on the ingredients list, Alfred!”

He can handle spice surprisingly well. It’s not like he could avoid it while training all over the world, so he ended up building a tolerance, but his eyes still go unbelievably red every time.

He really fucks with bagels (I mean, what self-respecting Gothamite doesn’t) and he has a very specific bagel order for every possible mood from the great place downtown

The workers at Bagel Kingdom know which moods correspond with which order, and they have a designated spreadsheet taped to the back of the counter so they can work accordingly.

They know he’s barely hanging in there when he gets a toasted blueberry bagel with no butter.

He’s having a good day when he gets a plain bagel sandwich with tomato, provolone, two fried eggs, and hot sauce. In that order. That’s the shit

When he’s stressed, he gets a pumpernickel bagel with strawberry cream cheese to cheer himself up.

The workers of Bagel Kingdom will NOT let you disrespect his bagel.

Bruce almost burnt the tower down when he tried to cook a toaster waffle in the microwave while running on 40 hours without sleep, and he just kept cooking it because it wasn’t crisping for some reason

Alfred needs to force him to eat all the time

(It is definitely because Bruce suffers from disordered eating.)

There was one period of time in which Bruce went days without food, and Alfred (lovingly) threatened to send him to in-patient if he didn’t eat

Bruce said that those gross, mushy, lukewarm blueberries were the only thing he’d tolerate when he was struggling, so blueberries became their indicator: if Bruce can’t stomach blueberries, he goes to in-patient.

He’s gone twice, and Bruce was very mad each time, but he still uses healing methods that he was taught in there so it couldn’t have been that bad.

(He’s also friends with some of the nurses now. He, Denise, and Kayleigh have a group chat.)

Dick once convinced him to test taste different kinds of olive oil to learn the difference between regular and extra virgin. It was absolutely disgusting, and he ended up puking an hour later. Alfred now puts child locks on the kitchen cabinets.

The first time Bruce ever makes a meal that doesn’t look horrid is when he spends two weeks practicing Romani dishes for Dick the month after he adopts him.

He has since perfected three different recipes:

Stuffed peppers

Goulash

Cabbage rolls

(Keep in mind Dick is not vegetarian like Bruce.)

He tried making almond cake like 80 times (which is more like a biscuit but still a baked good) but could never do it right so Alfred makes them instead.

At dinner time, Dick always eats off Bruce’s plate more than his own. Alfred has chastised him several times, but Bruce only encourages him more. He thinks it’s cute. And so does the general public when they attend dinner parties.

One of Bruce's favorite memories of his parents is when he had a bad dream in the middle of the night so Thomas and Martha drove him out to the nearest diner to have a chocolate milkshake at 3 am.

Now, after patrol, if Bruce saw something traumatic or something that reminded him of his parents’ death, he’ll go to that same 24-hour diner and sit for a bit with a chocolate milkshake.

He continues this tradition after Dick becomes Robin. (Even if it took months for Bruce to even consider the idea of letting Dick near harm’s way.)

No matter how hard he tries to keep Dick away from the gruesome stuff, he can’t stop everything. They get milkshakes a lot more than Bruce would like.

But eventually, it turns into a treat whenever Dick does well in school or needs a pick-me-up.

And when they add Jason to the mix, they introduce him to the tradition as well.

They know everything will be okay when they have chocolate milkshakes together.

[sentienceisoverrated]

Dick eating a piece of bread:

Tim also eating a piece of bread:

Damian eating jam and toast:

Jason eating a full English breakfast he made for himself: Sucks to be you guys.

Bruce sprinting in because he smelt food: Is Alfred back?

Tim, Dick and Damian: No.

Jason: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

[mikakuna]

the absolute horror and offence in his face at alfred taking away his dinner is perfectly captured

[trashmakerarticle]

Bruce being absolutely horrible in the kitchen will always be a fav, but listen aight

Would Alfred really let this boy live with teaching him how to cook? I know Alfie drilled it into his brain on how to cook with perfection, but Bruce just chooses to make bum ass food for a reason only god knows, most weirdest combinations that got so weird to the point Alfred banned him from ever stepping foot in the kitchen ever again

[brucie-baby]

pls share your ocd Bruce thoughts. as in your thoughts about Bruce having ocd. Pls and tanks

[big warning for intrusive thoughts, compulsions, paranoia. i do list specific ocd thoughts in this post. please be careful and don't read if those might affect you in any negative way.]

his compulsions mostly lie around keeping his family safe. he spends a while each night after patrol doing a perimeter check and ensuring all the security is online/working (one night he accidentally fell asleep in the cave and didn't wake up until morning - alfred woke up startled to see bruce checking his pulse because you fell asleep without checking and now he's dead he's dead and it's your fault).

he struggles a lot with intrusive thoughts; they're quite difficult to combat because he knows they aren't real but also a fair few of them are based on things that have happened to him in the past so he's more than aware that they're still possible (e.g. your son is dead somewhere, go find him; your friend has turned evil, check you have your defence against them and get ready to use it). he often just gets incredibly graphic images in his head, and he digs his nails into his skin until it goes away.

another thought he struggles a lot with is 'this person is an imposter. they are wearing someone else's face. this is not the person you know'. this is one that he definitively knows isn't true but also it's happened before so it can happen again. it makes him feel a little silly whenever this happens, because his way around it is to find somebody he does trust in that moment and stay near them whilst keeping a subtle eye on the 'imposter', and it makes him feel like a little kid hiding behind his mother's legs at a gala all over again.

there are some positives though!! he's not too sure why but these paranoid thoughts aren't often in regards to j'onn, so occasionally he'll request for j'onn to scan someone's mind to check if they are who they say they are, and j'onn does it with no questions asked. j'onn doesn't fully understand why bruce needs him to do this but he does recognise the spike in anxiety just before bruce asks and the relief bruce feels after, and so he does it because he knows it helps his friend, even if he doesn't know why.

(sometimes, when it's just him and the 'imposter' in the room, he just leaves. he doesn't explain. he doesn't say goodbye. he just leaves. he tells himself that it's to ensure his own safety. he ignores the way it feels like fleeing.)

he has a lot of little compulsions too, like rapping his knuckles against a specific part of the wall before using the zeta tube (if he doesn't, the transport will rip them apart). whenever somebody questions it, he says it's for luck. this leads to the team believing batman to be incredibly superstitious. the only people that know the truth are dick, jason, tim and alfred. eventually he does tell clark and diana, and he stops trying to hide it around the rest of the batfamily, but he does not like people knowing about it.

[anawrites3]

I couldn't stop thinking about @zeroducks-2's post where they said about Jason and Bruce that "They should be unable to coexist in the same room let alone speak" and idk I got inspired and this came into being

They're after some rough patrol and Dick managed to convince Jason to go with them to manor so he can take care of his injuries.

Dick was in the middle of wrapping Jason's hand when the door opened. Tim looked up from his book and Jason stiffened so slightly that if it weren't for the way Dick was holding his arm he wouldn't even notice it and really, that was all Dick needed to get who was standing at the door. He didn't stop wrapping Jason's hand, didn't even look up and after a few seconds Jason's muscles unclenched.

"Is there something you need, Bruce?" Dick hummed after few seconds when the man still didn't move from his place by the door.

Bruce cleared his throat. "No."

And then he walked inside. Dick's eyes flicked up to watch him as he moved further into the room. Even Tim put his book aside to stare at Bruce with a frown and his lips pressed into a line, as if he wanted to say something but didn't. Bruce didn't seem to notice all the looks he received, or maybe he just simply ignored them because he put a hand on an armrest of a chair and moved as if he wanted to sit down.

"Bruce."

Bruce froze at the tone. "Yes, Dick?"

Dick turned back to his little brother. Jason was looking down, eyes flashing slightly green, at his hand Dick was still holding and that hold was probably the only thing keeping him from storming out of the room and from the manor and running far away from this place.

Dick really couldn't blame him.

"If you don't need anything, then you can leave." He said.

Jason lifted his head sharply to look at him. The green faded from his eyes and Dick curled his lips into a soft smile, before finishing the wrapping and moving to cleaning up other, more minor cuts on Jason's arm.

"What?" Bruce asked, almost as if he was making sure he heard right.

"I said leave." Dick repeated patiently. "You don't need to be here, you said so yourself. We came to this room so we wouldn't have to be around you and yet you followed us here. Maybe you didn't know. I don't care. Leave."

He didn't have to look at Bruce to see the way his eyes narrowed just slightly.

"This is my home." He said and Dick needed a few seconds to breath so he wouldn't snap.

"Yes. It is." He said in a cold voice. "That's why you can choose whatever room you want to sit in. Not this one."

"Dick-"

"I swear to fucking god, Bruce-"

[littlefankingdom]

~ Teen Titans: Year One

Batman checking if the place his kid hangs out at with his friends is "secure" enough, like the over protective father that he is.

[bongo-clash]

This is a complete crack idea. However: dp/dc au where Danny is Alfred. He found out that he is 1) Immortal and 2) can shapeshift and he's just been randomising his customisation settings ever since. When he goes into butler work for the Waynes he decides to be as stereotypical as possible figuring it'll be really funny for the few years he works for them, and the bit is indeed Very Good- right up until their son gets orphaned. It's been 30 years and now the bit is just his life.