#and during that time one of us just needs to get rich to buy tumblr

[castielsprostate]

tumblr is literally a dead bloated horse we found on the beach and we're all poking it with sticks and slapping leaves on it. one day it'll blow up in our face and we'll find another dead horse but for now we just keep playing with it

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[xxknockoutxx]

𝕼𝖚𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖘

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: mentions of murder and hostility, toxic families, smut, poor/poverty terms, cursing, and other stuff. No proofread! There might be some mistakes sorry!

𝑺𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔: From a poor and brave curse user, to the wife of the strongest man in Jujutsu Sorcery.

𝕻𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: Satoru gojo x fem!Y/N

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖘: @theobsidianempress

𝕬/𝕹: I'm sorry about how long this took me. Tumblr deleted my paragraphs multiple times. And I had to rewrite everything multiple times. New Note: I made this a looong time ago and nobody saw it and it was the only post that this happened with so I'm just reposting

"WAKE UP"

The feeling of a hand rapidly smacks your face awake. As you take in your surroundings realizing where you are and what you're doing just to realize it's just your same old mother yelling at you for absolutely nothing at all. because you just decided to sleep instead of what she thinks you should be doing... Working.

Little do they know, you were up all night saving them from the non-stop curses that were trying to get you and your family. Because you are the only person who can see them and the only person who possesses cursed energy you are the only person that was in the house that can protect your family.

Knowing that you'll never be able to escape all of her yelling, you just got up and walked away so you can get ready for the day of work that you're doomed to do every single day.

"Hurry up and go to the village and see if there is any use of you there! At least try to be a role model for siblings!" And with that you were locked out and not gonna be let back in until sundown. Tired, and not wanting to make her physically aggressive, you just left for the village and hoped that someone needed to get their cat out of a tree or they needed someone to kill bugs.

As you walked through the village, you heard screaming. Concerned, you ran over to help and you found out that there was a lady screaming about a monster and her daughter also screaming because of a curse. Being a curse user, you could see that there is a giant grade Four curse destroying their house right before the curse gets the chance to kill the two girls you rush in and kill the curse.

The mother and a daughter stand there obviously shook by the entire experience, but thank you profusely for saving them. As you give them your thanks as well, you walk away back into the village to help more people. Eventually you stumble through the village one last time before going home to see if it's "late enough to go home" When you arrive back the door is noticeably unlocked so you go inside.

While the rest of your family sleeps comfortably after finishing dinner (Which they didn't wait for you to come home) you just decided to go to sleep without eating. (Not like you had a choice.) The next morning you wake up to a knock on your door and a letter.

I've noticed your strength and your knowledge of curses over the past few days. Your strength is honorable and I sent this letter to inform you that over taken an interest in you and can get you out of your situation. All I request is that you become my wife. Take your time to think over this offer.

To Y/N L/N.

S. G.

You threw the note to the side and hid it in your room. "Like I would let some rich ass prick buy me into marriage" You thought half way before speaking, thinking that you were too strong and independent to be swooned by some rich and worthless man. Your stomach quickly humbled you and started growling louder than Nanami fans during that beach scene (yes, we breaking the fourth wall) due to last nights neglect.

As you left out for good you noticed the sounds of screaming from more innocent people in the village. As you run towards the noise, you see a giant curse but this one is a special grade curse that you weren't strong enough to kill. The curse charges towards you and grabs a hold of you slowly taking all of the air out of your lungs. Your breathing slows, your sight darkness, and you pass out.

You wake up a couple of hours later in a nice room. With blue and gold accents all around it. While you looked around, you noticed a door that was slightly cracked open. Right as you got up a few people entered the room and grabbed you. They whispered about someone, almost like if they were afraid?

Why would Satoru want this peasant? Would Satoru approve? It's best that we dispose of her now that she's awak-...

"Put her down"

Your eyes widen as you see the 6'3, white haired, blue eyed and intimidating man in front of you with a heart stopping frown on his face. Before you could process what happened you were roughly dropped on your face. You get up and stare blankly in disbelief that these bitches dropped you like a fucking trash bag. Before standing up and looking like you were about to gut them. However they weren't focused on you. They were focused on the pearly hair man that looked like he was two seconds away from painting these Royal walls red.

"Get out of my sight."

The two hooded figures run away faster than light. And before you could turn back to the tall man before you. You felt his presence so close that it made your blood turn cold.

"I'm sorry about those disgusting rats..."

"It's fine, but where am I? Who are you?"

"Well to start you off, you're in my house. And the room that you were in before you came here was my room. And my name is Satoru Gojo, the head of the Gojo clan."

"Gojo clan? Where have I heard that before?" You take a look around the giant hallway before looking back at him. "Wait... By any chance did you send me a letter?"

He nodded happily and at that moment all you could do was cringe and mentally slap yourself in the face. The "rich guy" turned out to be a pretty young and handsome man, who's at the head of the most powerful clan in the world. And he liked you. As this all registered in your head you feel a hand on your cheek.

"If I remember correctly, that letter was a request to take your hand in marriage" he made a dumb little smirk that made you want to punch him but also laugh with him while skipping down the aisle and throwing flowers everywhere.

"Yeah what was that about?"

"Well you are really cool Y/N and I get recommended new candidates to take up the name Mrs. Gojo but the thing is, They all suck. None of them are my type, too lovey dovey, too distant, too pretty,-"

"That's a problem?" You looked confused. But Satoru just laughed before giving you a serious look.

"Oh yeah it is..."

"Yeah it must be tough having everything you want, being able to sleep at appropriate times in a nice warm house full of food, with people who respect you and do stuff for you..." You didn't even notice that you were rambling until Satoru stopped you.

He looks away before looking back at you with a smile.

"How about we discuss this over a nice meal?"

You swear you almost fell over at that point. Before you can even properly get on your knees and start thanking him (not like that you freaks) he grabs your hands and walks you through the huge mansion, into ONE of the kitchens and he brings you over to pick what you want.

"What would you suggest"

"Honestly none of this bullshit. But I'll make you a little bit of everything"

He was so welcoming but you couldn't help but feel uneasy and intruding after being in a place you definitely don't belong in. As you awkwardly sat at the table that didn't fit you, you watched Gojo in the distance. Making food and trying not to get it all over his pearly white haori.

"Here you go, one plate of dog shit"

You couldn't tell if he was making fun of you or not, because this "dog shit" was the best looking food you've seen in years. After thanking him, you dived into your food and ate like a starved animal. Which isn't far off from what you are anyway. Gojo watched you with gentle eyes. Taking time to absorb everything about you even just from eating.

His cerulean eyes stared at you without breaking contact even through his white locks. They glower gently under the shadow his hair cascaded over his face. When you finished you looked at him with a thankful and flustered face.

"Sorry about the way I ate, not very lady-like, huh?" You hate that term... "Lady like"

"Ugh, don't even start... We can eat like pigs together. Plus when you eat shit like that you can only eat like that with gagging."

You smile and laugh at him. When he made you laugh a smirk pulled its way across his face. He was clearly proud of himself.

"Let's get you out of these rags and into something more comfortable... Mrs. Gojo"

You barely heard him but kept walking behind him to another huge part of the house, a luxury king bathroom. You looked around amazed, taking in everything with care. Gojo snorts and grabs some old shirts that'll hopefully fit you.

"You're cute y'know that?"

"Well excuse me Mr. Millionaire-

"Billionaire, Babes."

You just frown and take the clothes and get in the shower. Or try to...

"Uh... Gojo? How do I turn this on?"

He has to hold back his laugh at your innocent frame while he walks into the bathroom and turns the handle twice to the warm side.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know that?"

He walks out the room laughing but before he leaves he corrects you.

"It's Satoru, to you, Sweets."

When you get out of the shower Satoru is gone but not only that, the bed is made. You wanted to lay down but you didn't want to exert yourself. Right as you were deciding, Satoru comes in wearing nothing but a robe and a towel around his neck.

"Hey, Tiny"

"Don't use your freakish height to justify calling me tiny."

He smirks and lays down on the bed and pats the spot next to him. You were conflicted because what the hell is this rich ass prince charming doing, trying to get you into his bed. Even if there aren't any ulterior motives, which you know there are. You would look like a doll in a custom king sized mattress.

But if there was something Satoru Gojo wasn't good at. It was being told no. Of course you end up in his bed and even more so IN HIS ARMS. The only thing you could do was sit with yourself, disappointed in your decisions and inability to control the situation.

"How does an endless and abundant source of happiness sound?"

"Nice, until you consider the price"

"What if I told you there was no price or catch, or but"

"There always is, now tell me what you want from me"

He smirks and tightens his grip around you while trying to hold back a chuckle.

"I want you to be my wife"

You wanted to be stunned but the overwhelming feeling of confusion and curiosity took over. You didn't believe him. Thought that this was just a cruel joke but on the off chance that he was being serious, it only raised more questions than satisfying answers.

"Bullshit."

"No, seriously. I want you to be my wife"

"Why?" You say while tugging on the soft comforter under you.

"Because you interest me, and I actually like you. I'm tired of being shown women like they are objects of affection that can buy me or make me love them. But you, I actually feel something for you that isn't spiteful."

You thought about it for a moment. The possibility of you, a random poor girl, appears interesting to the head of the Gojo Clan it was too real for you.

"If you still don't believe me then let me prove it to you"

Suddenly, huge warm hands grip your waist and pull you onto Satoru's lap. They snake up your shirt and push you into his chest.

"S-Satoru?"

"Shh... Just lay back, baby..."

All your senses were overwhelmed, so overwhelmed that every touch felt like hundreds. The way he gently sprinkles kisses and bites around your face and neck. The way he clothes fly through the air at light speeds and most importantly. The way that he lifts you up so easily and slams you back down on his cock so good.

All that money may have given him the tangible appeal, but this monster of a man before you was created by pure godly genetics. (Which was surprising because his family, if you can even call it that. Are far from flattering)

"Staring pretty hard. I don't usually let people who aren't my wife see me like this.."

"Ughh.. Shut up about this.. Mhph- wife stuff..."

He grabs you by your waist and brings you back on his lap. Before you could even struggle you dropped onto his cock. All 6 or more inches just drop into you, all at once. Pain and pleasure battle your senses as Satoru continues to thrust up so fast into you.

"F-fuck, you make me feel so good baby. Just like that..."

The last little restraint you had was broken at the feeling of Satoru's cock piercing your G-spot over and over again. You were basically turning into jelly while in his hands. The only thing coming out of you was strangled moans and babbles.

It all felt too good having him rut inside you but it felt even better when. He teased you relentlessly. Rubbing your clit and pinching your nipples, whispering how good of a girl you were. It didn't make sense but you didn't care.

You started to spasm obviously coming close to the peak of your high. Soaked sheets squish and cling onto your sweaty bodies. The sensation made Satoru groan and whine at the pressure. Satoru didn't care how loud he was being in fact he wanted those around to hear. He wanted them to know that he had someone in his room. A poor girl. That he was gonna wife up.

"F-Fuck... Mmm... Baby! That's so good~..."

His thrusts became untamed and erratic as he grabbed on any surface around him. Moaning and grunting at the feeling of your sweet cunt wrapping around him so tightly. The wet warmth of your cunt sends him straight to heaven as he begins to lose himself in your crimson walls.

"Nghh~... Fuck..."

Pearly ropes cover your insides and practically have your stomach doing backflips. It's not like it was a one way thing either, Satoru was just as stunned by the thick coating of slick around his base. Soon after your high wore out you fell asleep.

When you wake up, you're fully cleaned and beyond confused. As you sit up and look around taking in your surroundings you nearly have a goddamn heart attack at the sight of Gojo watching you look around the room. Instead of a serial killer or a guard in the corner, it's just his lanky, privileged, rich ass in the corner or the room. Prolly getting a kick out of watching you in this giant, Goliath ass bed.

When you get up you grab a robe that was on the side of the bed.

"Woah, where are you off in such a rush, princess?"

"Home?"

He smirks at you and walks towards you with a chuckle. He stops right before you and gently lifts your chin up.

"This is your home, Ms. Gojo..."

[quinnslogan]

Why Quinn runs away theory time

DISCLAIMER: What I think is going to happen doesn’t mean it’s what me/most of the fandom necessarily want to happen. Unfortunately, we didn’t write the movie so we don’t really know what to expect. I do trust though we’ll be happy with it the amount of insta comments Erin and Matt liked/responded to basically saying we as fans will be happy with how Quogan goes in this movie ❤️

Tbh I don’t think why Quinn runs away from the wedding is going to be super complicated. I think she’s kinda tired of how different her and Logan’s life is than it used to be judging by her telling Zoey “it’ll be the reunion we all need”. And that’s fine IMO i’m sure Logan’s world of rich is different than what she’s used to and it’s scary.

Then Logan being Logan is full bridezilla. I think Quinn tries to get him to relax a little and remember to have fun but knowing Logan she fails. Plus I bet his family isn’t going to be easy either. Also if you look closely in this pic Quinn looks super annoyed with Logan lol

And then or before the above scene whatever tf Zoey’s going to say in her rehearsal speech is going to make her more nervous about how much her life is about to change. So Quinn gets more nervous. I’m sure some point throughout she talks to Zoey about how she’s worried and Zoey brushes her off because in her head Quinn’s life is perfect and hers is the one that needs to be dealt with and overall just isn’t the maid of honor Quinn wanted her to be and overall Quinn just doesn’t feel like she has anyone to talk to. Logan’s definitely not indenting to make her feel like this at all (he loves that girl he’s been with her for FIFTEEN years and looks just as in love as he was when they were 16) but he’s just become obsessed with the actual wedding event and kinda lost track of what the wedding means (aka him and Quinn choosing to spend the rest of their life together <3)

Then they get to the altar!! Idk what exactly happens here but some little thing probably happens at the altar where like Logan forgot to write his vows bc he was too obsessed with making sure everything went perfectly he forgot to? (idk anyways something Logan does that makes her not want to get married THIS WAY). I say this way because in the reproposal scene she’s still wearing her engagement ring so it’s not like she dumps him she just doesn’t want to get married like this.

I think Quinn’s going to blow up at Logan and Zoey. Logan for whatever he did at the actual wedding and for forgetting about her in their wedding and Zoey for not being a very good maid of honor (bad rehersal dinner speech + constantly leaving the wedding for work or something (she’s not there the morning of the wedding in the trailer scene they’re all in PJs + if you look at the trailer she’s literally on her phone DURING the ceremony).

Anyways, Logan and Zoey feel guilty. Zoey probably brings up PCA she’s obsessed with that place and Logan gets the idea to buy PCA (Jamie’s insta post yesterday showed a pic where PCA was on sale) and him and Zoey are going to throw the wedding there. They get everyone together and we get the new trailer scene of Zoey going “alright everybody let’s get to work” and from a BTS pic that tumblr is being annoying and won’t let me upload everyone except Quinn is there in that scene. Then, I think Zoey makes some excuse and gets Quinn to PCA (Quinn is wearing a PCA shirt under her jacket when Logan reproposes. AND LOGAN PROPOSES (i’m so excited for this scene you guys don’t understand) and if my theory of him forgetting to write his vows or something is true then it goes in line with him giving a heartfelt speech about why he loves her and realizes he’s needs to remember to live more in the moment (symbolized by his tie in his hand)!! Quinn says yes they get married and live happily ever after!!

Once again this isn’t necessarily what I WANT to happen it’s just what I think will happen. I really really really do not like the bride runs away at the altar I mean I could’ve dealt with her running away before the wedding but her deciding while up there to run away is so awkward i’m sorry. Also most of this theory goes in hand with Erin’s insta comment about how the movie shows women struggling to move to the next phase/with change because change is scary (like that’s not just Zoey’s plot in this movie it’s Quinn’s too). Plus I do empathize with her Logan is my fave character but he probably isn’t the easiest fiancé haha (I imagine this being a very mondler like wedding situation except I don’t think the fear is necessarily about commitment like it was for chandler but for quinn it’s about how absorbed Logan got in the wedding she feels like he forgot about her and she loves this man it’s why she’s upset he’s so wedding obsessed she misses him like emotionally and for Logan he loves her obviously it’s why he’s trying so hard for their wedding to be perfect!!!

In general if you managed to read to this point idrc what happens i’m just so excited we’re getting out endgame like childhood me who would watch zoey 101 reruns is screaming

[thedawningofthehour]

(forgot that tumblr only lets you put 30 pictures in a post, I'll trim it down if I ever do this again)

No fr, this is legit unsettling? Why is there all this empty space? Why is there a TV on the wall and the couch facing the blank-ass wall? Why does this feel like a hotel conference room?

I can feel how cold this basement is and I don't like it. This is the basement you just don't go down to during the winter because you'll quickly lose feeling in your fingers. Even fuzzy socks won't save your toes on that granite floor.

Someone on Reddit mentioned that Maine is currently has a bunch of Weed Dudebros who started up dispensaries when recreational use was first legalized and reaped in the booming market, and are now filthy rich. I would love to think that this house was designed by a group of otakus who were just stoned out of their gourds the entire time, and that they're selling it a year later because they just now sobered up and realized what they'd done. That or none of their girlfriends will marry them if this is the house they have to move into.

This is a different bathroom, btw, they just all have the same god-ugly counter and sink. I don't know what these people have against cabinet doors but I'm assuming one of them lost a parent in a tragic cabinet accident.

You know, credit where credit's due, as ridiculous as this house is you can definitely tell that it was made to be lived in. Maybe not...entirely normally, but it's not like other rich people houses where it's all clearly just meant for display. I've seen a lot of rich people laundry rooms you know will only be half-used by a maid who ridicules her employers in Spanish and then bribes their kids not to translate to Mommy and Daddy. This here, they put this in because people got laundry. You come in, you push some buttons and fold your clothes, and you get out. The laundry room doesn't need to be a big damn thing because washing clothes is generally not the big damn thing in your life.

This picture is what made me decide I need to pay more attention to the exterior when I'm playing House Flipper or Sims. So I don't end up with window arrays like this.

I like the house that's just peaking over the trees to the back of them. Like they're mildly curious what's going on but also don't want to be seen and associated with this trainwreck.

What a beautiful landscape though. Shame about the house. But then, whoever buys this is just gonna tear it down and build their own custom home in its place.

Okay I lied I do actually want to do something for the anniversary. (it won't be the anniversary by the time I post this but shhhhh)

It's not going to be turtle themed though. You guys remember last year when I made fun of rich people's houses? I'd like to do that again.

This...domicile comes to us from Camden, Maine, with seven bedrooms and six baths, tops out at 6,000 square feet and can be yours for a paltry two million.

They really wanted to show off that they had money for the fountain.

Also, is it just me or do rich people houses seem woefully cheap compared to regular people houses? Like, 2 mil is a lot, but if you do the math with the space and amenities they have-like, I highly doubt you could put three 2,000 sqft houses on this parcel of land and get one for 650k. Definitely not in Camden. I remember the first time we moved we looked at one house that was nearly 2 mil-for fun, even when we had money we didn't have that much money-and it was probably about half the size of this. And it was in suburban TC, not a ritzy summer colony. And had been built twenty years before, not the previous as this one was.

Plus this was 2008. The...particular economics of that year in regards to housing prices aside, two mil in 2008 is, uh...quite a bit more now.

So if you expand this picture, you'll see that there's Asian-esque map-looking things set into the wall, and Asian writing over the door. I think they're Chinese characters, but I'm not 100% certain. This entire house has a supposedly Asian theme. I have...things to say, but I'll hold off for now until I have more examples to show what I'm talking about.

Also I just can't with the stone choices. Kudos to them for actually trying to landscape though.

...

I mean, I will give them points for doing the complete inverse of a Lawyer Foyer. Those columns though. Like. When have those ever looked good outside a hotel lobby? When have they ever looked good inside a hotel lobby? How much dust does those bottoms collect? Why do they seemingly have hotel curtains as well?

Usually, columns like this are made of foam with a stone veneer, I think these are at least partially real. A lot of stuff in this house misses the 'cheap shit designed to look expensive' marker that defines McMansions, it looks genuinely decadent-it's just ugly as shit.

THEY HAVE TWO CHANDELIERS. ONE WASN'T ENOUGH FOR THEM, THEY HAD TO HAVE TWO MASSIVE CHANDELIERS TO PROVE THEIR DINGDONGS. AND THAT'S IN ADDITION TO THE FOYER CHANDELIER.

I like how they put the bar in directly next to the front door. Like they know you're going to walk in and will immediately need a drink.

Why is there this ugly gold runner everywhere? I feel like I'm in Trump Tower. Or a gourmet candy bar.

Yes I see the cabinet, no we're not going to talk about it right now. While I love seeing houses that actually have color in them, I'm just...the teal and pink is fine, but it's hard to pull off different variants of a color together. Teal and true blue, it's just...it doesn't work. And these guys have TVs on like every wall for some reason?

Mostly just including this picture to point out the safe on the floor. In the dining room. And to call attention to the weird goldish-bronze border that doesn't seem to start and end where it's supposed to.

Also, yes, these walls are entirely done in tile. It's like they wanted to do something other than the beige but couldn't decide what to go with so they just worked the kitchen tile through the rest of the house.

Speaking of the kitchen...

What

I. I don't. I. I. Why the sink-

????????!!!!

There's...I just don't. Like. You can't even pick a place to start.

The fact that they picked pretty much the busiest tile pattern known to man wouldn't have been such a big deal...if they hadn't tiled the inside and outside of the cabinets. And removed the doors to said cabinets. And hadn't picked a second, equally busy tile pattern to play against the first.

Actually, let's go back to the two tile patterns. Not only are they both way too busy to work with each other, they're both browns...but completely the opposite variants of brown. The lower pattern has more blacks and greys and even a bit of blue in it, while the border browns are warmer shades. You really can't mix warm and cool shades of the same color. It just doesn't look good.

And we have to talk about that counter. It looks somehow like the cheapest 90s shit you'd see in a roller rink or an ocean-themed Chuck E. Cheese, but also you know it cost ungodly amounts of money.

Why is it so thin? Why is the sink so deep in the island? Why is the recessed lighting lopsided?

And we're not even touching upon the floor. These people clearly did not understand feature elements. The floor, counter, and both sets of tile are all dueling for dominance, and we're the neglected child caught up in the custody battle sitting on the lawn with our bags. This kitchen was designed by someone who didn't care if god forgave them.

Oh okay, so we're just using those tiles throughout the entire house now. Fantastic.

That...counter is not beating the 90s cheese allegations.

Is it just me, or does the second chandelier look like it would clip your head on the way down?

No yeah, it is straight-up Right Fucking There. Completely unnecessary too, considering the plethora of recessed lighting. And they've somehow managed to make this hallway look busy despite having absolutely nothing on the walls.

I'm putting in three photos to show that these are in fact different rooms. I'm not including the other bedroom photos because I literally don't know if they're other bedrooms or just different angles of these bedrooms, because every bedroom is decorated exactly the same.

But this is what I meant when I called this house 'Asian-esque' earlier. Now, granted, I don't know a ton about modern architecture and design trends in Asia or among Asian-Americans, so I very much might be putting my foot in my mouth here and I fully deserve the ridicule if that is the case. But to me this doesn't feel like...legitimate. This feels like someone who wants to look cultured, who considers the Far East to be exotic and elegant and would unironically use the term Oriental to describe their style. It feels like they designed this without actually understanding anything about Asian art and architecture and had no desire to learn. It doesn't feel like one thing in particular, it feels like they took elements from Japanese, Chinese, and even Indian styles and gestured vaguely to all of them because they were too scared to commit.

You know, I'll give them credit, the blue does look nicer with the brown. It doesn't look good, but nicer.

Still the same lack of cabinet doors. And the same glow-in-the-dark bathroom counter. It took me a solid few seconds to find the sink there-and then I burst out laughing when I saw it.

I don't know why, but the stone plus that golden window insert makes me think Rocky Rococo.

WHY DOES THEIR GARAGE HAVE THE GRANITE FLOORING?!!

God, this is like my grandmother and her carpeted garage. But she has an excuse in that she doesn't give a fuck what you think.

I don't know why but this is fucking hysterical to me.

Also it doesn't look like there's a...door? To the garage? In Maine? Like, even if it's a heated garage, it's still going to be cold. And it's also dirty, like, you don't want bugs and car fumes wafting into your living spaces?

I haven't even mentioned the ceiling decoration or the crown molding. Or the fact that the crowd molding, doorways, and candy bar wrapper walls are all different shades of gold. And I'd like to keep it that way.

On a side note, what is up with all the recessed lighting? Not that they have it, but doesn't it seem like...a lot? Like, I feel like they could thin them out a bit, you're practically under hospital lights. People with recessed lighting, is this normal? I've only had it in one room of one house, but I don't remember it being this...dense. (I do remember my sister and I once knocked the glass out of the baffle while playing. that's how I learned that those things get really hot)

This is like a church basement if it was also The Backrooms.

[wwhatev3r]

Easy company reactions to you telling them you’re pregnant 🫢

Easy Company Reaction: telling them you're pregnant

Notes: I suck at writing fluff, but I tried my best, yeah :) I hope you and everyone like it. Oh and I made a really pretty moodboard for this post but tumblr won't show my post on the tags if i use it. Fuck you tumblr!

– Dick Winters - (Please, give this man 5 seconds to process what you just said.) “You’re pregnant.” he repeated your words, “We’re having a baby.” He was saying it slowly without breaking his gaze with yours, as a way to wake up from the shock and to realize what you just told him. He then hugged you and kissed your forehead. It didn't take much for him to immediately start preparing the nursery. 

– Lewis Nixon - (Your luck is that he is rich.) You told him right after you declined a cup of whiskey from him. “What? You are what?” he almost spilled his drink, “Holy shit… I mean, that’s amazing news honey!” He looked a little dizzy and almost tripped when he went to kiss you. After that he literally ran to tell Dick and save him the spot as godfather of the child. 

– Carwood Lipton - (Literal silent panic.) After a few seconds of total silence he walked over to you and hugged you like it was the last time he was going to hug you in his life. He held you close and said: “It’s going to be fine, we got this.” You could tell he was a little worried but he just needed time to process all of it. He was so stressed the next few days, he wanted everything to be prepared and perfect.

– Ronald Speirs - He gave you one of his typical intense gazes. For a moment you thought he was angry but then when he walked across the room to reach you, grab your face and look you deeply in the eyes, you could see he was on the verge of tears. “I’m going to dedicate my life to you and to our baby.” he said, as he landed one of his hands on your belly. The next day you found a little list of names in his office. 

– George Luz - He almost choked on his food. “Cut the crap. What? Are you serious?” After he realized you weren’t kidding he ran to pick you up, spin you around and kiss you. He looked like a kid on Christmas from how happy he was. You had the spend the evening trying to convince him to not name the child some really stupid name. “If It’s a boy can we name him after me? And can we take him or her to play baseball?” he asked at least. 

– Joe Liebgott - “Tell me you’re not joking. Princess, you just made me the happiest man alive.” He quickly ran to hold you by your waist and gave you a breathless kiss, “Holy shit, I’m going to be a dad.” He was so excited but as his last words kept repeating in his head a sudden grip on his chest started to grow. He then told you that he was scared of not being a good father. You guys talked it out and the next day he came home with a baby suit saying “Sorry ladies my daddy is definitely taken.”

– Bill Guarnere - You had to sit him down to tell him. “You’re not kidding, right?” He immediately got up, “Holy fuck, we are going to have a mini Bill or Billie!” (good luck bestie) The shocked expression grew in a second into the biggest smile you have ever seen and he almost trip when he reached you for a kiss. He called everyone to announce it like the proud dad that he is. “Guess the fuck what… I’m going to be a dad!!”

– Joe Toye - “W-what? You’re pregnant?” He had never hugged you so tightly in his life but when you met his eyes you felt his anxiety. Joe was scared that he might not be prepared but he had been waiting for that moment for so long and he was not gonna let his insecurities take over his happiness. He is always so stressed that you and baby may get hurt, so he doesn't let you do anything at home during your pregnancy. 

– Donald Malarkey - “Are you shitting me? Honey, I-... I don't know what to say. I mean, you are pregnant. We are going to have a baby!” he playfully picked you up between exciting giggles. He immediately ran to the store to go buy diapers and baby bottles (don’t worry he came back.) Him and Skip spent the next 9 months singing and telling jokes to your belly.

– Warren “Skip'' Muck - “Oh my god, you’re pregnant?” You showed him the test after he asked, “Oh my god, you’re pregnant!” He started jumping around and then washed you with kisses. He ran to tell Malark and Penkala and immediately asked you if both of them could be godfathers. Every day he talks to your belly: “Hey bud, It’s me, your dad. How is it there? Is mommy’s belly comfortable?” (I’m crying, he’s the cutest.) 

– Darrel “Shifty” Powers - (This gentleman, I-) You sat him by your side when you told him. “Really?... You are?” He instantly held your hands and grew the sweetest smile, “I can’t believe you're carrying our baby right now.” After that he kissed you like you’re made of glass. From there on he tried his best to stop smoking because of you and the baby, and when it's time to go to bed he wishes the baby a goodnight and kisses your belly and then your lips. 

– Eugene Roe - He was speechless for some seconds until you called his name, he then got closer to you. “Honey, I could not be more happy but It’s up to you if…” You made clear you’re ready and that you wanted the baby, you then saw his shy smile bloom and gaze at the floor before meeting your eyes again and kiss you tenderly. He found the best doctor and scheduled every appointment at least once a month to make sure everything was okay. After all he is a medic, you could not be in better hands. 

– Edward “Babe” Heffron - At first impression he did panic a little. “W-what? Are you serious? Oh my… what are we gonna do?” You even saw his sweat rolling down his forehead, so you had to sit him down, relax him and make sure everything was going to be okay. He took a deep breath and then a little childlike smile grew, “I’m going to be a dad.” He spent the whole weekend celebrating. He even started referring to the baby as if he was already there: “What about the three of us going to a nice restaurant?” 

– David Webster - His heart even skipped a beat. “Are you certain?” he asked you a little unassertive, “We are having a baby, I can’t believe it.” You notice the excitement grow by his voice. He then grew a big smile and hugged you, lifting you up. He spent the whole time reading books about babies, baby care and giving birth. He was ready for the child theoretically, but Lieb always made some pretty dark humor jokes to make him scared. But in the end it turned out fine. 

– Frank Perconte - You couldn't tell if he was happy or scared. He was so excited but he was sweating, for a second you even thought he was going to faint. “It’s amazing! A baby!” he told you after kissing you a million times, “It’s like having you and me mixed in a bowl, it's awesome!” He then took a deep breath and said: “Yeah, I think I need to sit down a little.” He was having a mix of emotions, but when things cooled down he started preparing everything. The next day he came home with two packs of diapers and so many clothes for the baby.

– Denver “Bull” Randleman - As the mature man that he is he stayed pretty calm. “There isn't anyone in this world that I wish more to have a family with than you.” He gently brushed your hair before pulling you for a peaceful kiss. Bull never felt more responsible over something in his life. He did everything in his power to make sure you were comfortable and safe, after all he loved you and you were carrying your and his child. 

– John Martin - You had to sit Johnny down before telling him. “A-are you sure?” He tried to act calm but you could see how nervous he was and still trying to keep his serious expression. You asked if he was happy and his eyelids instantly loosed and he got down on his knees to hold your hands, “I am, baby. I’m sorry I was just taken by surprise. I-... I love you, if you’re happy I’m happy.” He gave you a passionate kiss and one of his rare vulnerable smiles. May no one stress you, hurt you or look at you in a wrong way or he will riot. 

– Floyd Talbert - (Oh, this is going to be fun…) Right after you told him he paralyzed for a second. “I-i… hum, well,” He started stuttering but then tried to put himself back together by walking over to you and gazing into your eyes, “Well, that’s great news.” You’re not expecting to take it so well but after all he wasn't that surprised that you were pregnant. He was so excited for the baby, he wanted to teach him how to play guitar and play sports. One night he said: “Hey love, after he or she is born can we go make some more?”

[divinerulerluvr]

Womanizer

Summary - Warren Lipka picks you up after studying to have some fun and buy time.

Warnings - basic smut with a bit of a pain kink, breeding kink, that's the main things idk what else to advise you about.

A/N - I feel we need more warren shit on tumblr since he is arguably one of Evan's best characters outside of ahs. this fic has nothing to do with the plot of American animals so no spoilers ahead.

- - -

Warren’s car comes speeding down the road, skidding to a stop where i stand on the sidewalk.The window was rolled down, letting me see his pretty face. “Hiya there, stranger,” he jokes, a smile on his lips.

Chuckling, i walk around the car and get into the passenger side. It was late at night and i had just finished studying for my exam on Monday and who better to call at two in the morning on a Friday than Warren?

The moment I had buckled my seatbelt, Warren drove off. He always drove like he was in a car chase. It scares me sometimes but we’ve never been pulled over or gotten into a crash.

His music plays loudly, only making him drive faster. He tends to get lost in the moment. “What were you studying this time?” he asks, looking over to me as he pulls up to an abandoned intersection at a stoplight.

“The uh, Stonewall Riot of 1969,” I answer, looking over to meet his eyes. My minor was in Social Justice so of course, the Stonewall Riot was a topic we’d talk about. “Cool. That chick who was like, the leader of the riots was cool,” Warren replies, driving again when the hue of the green light filled the dark car.

I just nod, looking out my window. It was late at night so not a lot of people were out on the roads. The occasional drunk person or car was all you could spot. “Where do you wanna go?” he asks me.

It was always a dreaded question. Warren knew this, that’s why he always hesitated to ask. Sometimes he’d just drive around with no destination in mind because we had nowhere to go or be. I never wanted to go home and neither did he.

“I don’t know,” I say with a heavy sigh. Warren pulls into an abandoned parking lot, screeching the car to a stop and putting it in park. He grabs something out of the cup holder and I see he holds a joint.

He lights it, inhaling it first before offering it to me. “I stopped smoking weed,” I turn down. Warren smiles, a look of playful shock in his eyes. “My god, Y/n. Repenting, I see,” he jokes, taking another hit on the joint.

“I hope you don’t think you’re better than me now,” he comments, leaning back in his seat. He turns down the music a bit, silencing ‘Piano Man’ by Billy Joel. “How's college?” Warren asks me, his eyes studying my face.

The only source of light was from the dim street lamp that Warren had parked next to. I shrug, my lips pressed together. “Fine. Stressful but I can handle it,” I answer, resting my head back on the seat.

“You look tired,” Warren notices, his eyes evaluating my face like I was some complex math equation. I chuckle weakly. “Thank you for that,”

“College is bullshit, anyway. All the famous and rich people dropped out of high school. Let alone graduated college,” Warren tries to comfort. “All you need to succeed is money and charisma. And to be honest, Y/n, you’re already halfway there,”

I turn my head to look at him, a small smile spreading on my lips. “You think I’m charismatic?” I ask. Warren nods, exhaling smoke from his joint out of his rolled-down window. “Charisma is mostly how attractive you are and the other half is being nice so, yeah,”

“That is the nicest thing I think you have ever said, Lipka,” I say, almost surprised by his compliment. He chuckles, shaking his head as he looks away from me. “The weed makes me nice,” he excuses.

“I have to agree,”

“You are very pretty though,” Warren states, his voice lowered with affection. I turn my head back to face him, seeing the forlorn look in his dark eyes as he looks at me. “You’re pretty, too,” I compliment in return, reaching out and twirling a strand of his shaggy, brown hair around my finger.

Warren places his hand on my thigh in return, his eyes heavy on mine as his thumb rubs small circles on my inner thigh. “Third hookup of the month?” Warren suggests.

“That’d be the last one and it’s only the sixteenth,” I reply. He and I had this rule that since we were friends with benefits that we got three hookups a month. It keeps order in our friend group. Warren sighs, a look of disappointment on his face. “So?”

I roll my eyes playfully, feeling his hand creep further up my thigh and closer to my core. “Fine,” I say as if I were tired of arguing but in reality, I really wanted it as well. He leans over the center console of the car, his lips locking with mine without hesitation.

Kissing back, my fingers tangle in his hair as his fingers rub my clit lightly through the fabric of my pants. I moan into the kiss, my free hand going to his dick and palming him through his jeans.

Warren pulls from the kiss first, his eyes dark with lust and his cheeks red. “Backseat,” he instructs vaguely. With a simple nod, I crawl into the backseat, already taking off my leggings and tee shirt as he joins me in the backseat.

I help him take off his shirt, running my hand up his toned torso, feeling his warm skin. He does the same to me, his hand running down my bare leg. He lays me across the seats, pulling my panties off in one clean motion before settling between my legs.

Our lips meet again, my hands on his face to deepen the kiss. The kiss was hot and desperate. Sex with him was always like this. Like he was going to die if he didn’t fuck me in the next five minutes.

Warren was a very impatient man. Which causes for hot and oh so unholy sex.

His hand travels down between our bodies, slipping under my bra and playing with my breasts. I arch my back, my moans silenced by his lips. The car was already getting hot, causing a thin sheen of sweat to break out on our skin.

My hands go to his pants out of habit, undoing the zipper to his jeans easily. Pulling them down, I pull back the waistband to his boxers to let his dick out. I feel him smile into the kiss, impressed with my eagerness. He didn’t even have to make a snide comment about it, I just knew he was thinking it.

His hands move down my body, stopping at my hips where he holds me in place so he can push into me. His lips leave him, his eyes admiring the way my mouth falls agape as I feel his dick inside of me.

My legs wrap around his waist, my nails digging into the skin of his shoulder blades as he bottoms out inside me. He pushes some hair out of my face, stalling any movements to help me adjust.

“You look so pretty with me inside of you, pup,” he says, his lips grazing over mine in a taunting way. I whimper, a shudder running through my body as he moves his hips just so slightly. “Oh, you want more?” he asks teasingly.

I nod eagerly, giving him my best puppy dog eyes to hopefully make him cave. He runs his thumb over my lower lip before pushing it into my mouth. I gladly accept it, sucking on his thumb as he pulls his hips back and thrusts into me roughly.

I screw my eyes shut, my walls clenching as Warren sets a fast and relentless pace right away. My wetness made it easy for him, as he likes to say. Any noises I made were muffled by his thumb in my mouth.

My stomach tightens in knots as pleasure floods over me. Warren pulls his thumb from my mouth, his eyes on mine as he admires his work. Tears gather in my eyes, my skin hot to touch. He caresses my cheek, his hand falling down to my neck where he drags his nails down my neck and trails down to my breasts.

A whimper falls from my lips, my hips bucking to meet his as he continues to fuck me into oblivion. “Warren,” I moan weakly, my voice dripping with submission.

A groan leaves his lips, his eyes closing briefly as he indulges in his own pleasure. “You feel so good, baby. You’re such a good girl,” he praises, his words sending more arousal through my body.

I run my fingers through his hair, our eyes locked. Warren loves to keep eye contact during sex. Says that seeing the look on my face was better than the sex itself.

Already close to my orgasm, Warren runs his hand between our bodies, his fingers locating my clit effortlessly and rubbing slow circles on it to double my pleasure. I moan out, my eyes falling shut again as I bask in the feeling.

Warren removes his hand from my clit, moving to snake under my back so he could flip me around so we were now in doggy style. He quickly resumes his thrusts, hitting deeper inside of me than prior.

I rest my hand on the fogged-up window for stability, my head thrown back. Warren’s fingers tangle in my hair, pulling a handful of it. I cry out weakly, his grip on my hair being painful. Using my hair as leverage, he leans back as he fucks me roughly.

Right on the edge of an orgasm, I hold back knowing that Warren liked to make sex last due to my three times a month rule.

Using every ounce of willpower to repress my orgasm, my walls clench around his dick tightly. “Aww, is my baby gonna cum?” Warren asks in a mocking tone, just his mere words making me want to give up my fruitless battle.

I just nod, a pathetic moan leaving my lips as his fingers dig into my hips. “Go ahead, I give you permission,” he allows. With a sigh of relief, I give up everything and let the pleasure take over. With one last cry of his name, I’m falling apart.

The only way to explain an orgasm from Warren was like being able to sit down after running for days and days on end.

My entire body shakes and I find myself relying on his grip on my hips to keep me up. Soft pants leave my lips as my ears ring, my eyes screwed closed as pressure from my veins releases itself all at once.

Warren fucks me through my orgasm, leaving me a shaky mess as he cums inside of me. Ceasing his thrusting, he carefully pulls out of me, running his finger through my soaked slit to admire his work.

Panting, I sit back down on the seat, pulling my panties back on. “Shit. I gotta get to a bathroom now,” I huff, suddenly very aware of how uncomfortable having his cum in me would be. Warren smiles charmingly, shrugging. “Everything’s closed,”

I sigh, getting back into the front seat and pull on the rest of my clothes. Warren follows behind me, pulling his shirt back on as he puts the car into drive. I lean back in my seat, still catching my breath as Warren skirts out of the dark parking lot and onto the main road.

“Just don’t tell my boyfriend, ‘kay?”

“As always, friend,”

[i-am-dulaman]

[long post]

So the other night I was talking to the most insufferable first year business student who insisted trickle down economics was great. He for some reason was, in the middle of a night club, trying to convince me we need more tax cuts for the rich.

Anyway, ignoring that, he has annoyed me into finally doing the research into something called a worker cooperative which has been in the back of my mind for a while now.

So a worker cooperative is essentially a company which is owned by the people who work there. They either elect their own management or, for smaller firms, make management decisions democratically, and they all share in the profits. This is opposed to consumer cooperatives where the business is owned by its customers.

So with that in mind there are two things you need to know:

New Zealand is the only post-industrialized country whose agricultural sector has grown, and its the fastest growing sector of the NZ economy. 

5 of the largest agriculture businesses in NZ are cooperatives, including Fonterra, NZ’s largest company which accounts for ONE THIRD of the ENTIRE WORLDS dairy trade.

Now none of those agriculture companies are actually true worker cooperatives, they’re usually only owned partly by their workers and not all workers have a stake in the company either. For example Fonterra is owned by 11000 of its dairy farmers but has over 10000 other employees who are not owners. But it’s close enough.

So is it a coincidence the best performing sector of the NZ economy is dominated by cooperatives? I have no idea. im just looking at the numbers. But its an interesting correlation.

Worker cooperatives are actually very rare in the world, but there has been some research done on them, particularly in Italy and France and here are some highlights:

They are much more resilient, with the chance of shutting down in its first 3 years of operation between 30% and 50% lower than normal companies when fully controlled for industry/size/etc. 

During the 2008 recession, worker cooperatives in france saw a 4% increase in employment while the unemployment rate in france rose by 0.7%

Salaries were slightly lower on average in France however other studies also showed salaries being slightly higher. This is likely due to the pay distribution, where the CEOs salary will be much lower in a cooperative compared to a CEO in a normal company, thus bringing down the average.

Cooperatives are 6-14% more productive

Employees are much more committed to their work

So in other words, they work.

What’s more is it keeps the profits of the company in the local economy, with all the money going to the workers, instead of shareholders who could be anywhere in the world and would likely just put the money into savings.

However the main draw back is it is hard to get the startup funds to start new companies. Most companies of course start off small with only a handful of workers which means each would need to invest a significant amount of their own money. But I’ll address this problem further below.

Anyway so what’s my point here?

Make every company a worker cooperative by law. That’s my point. Not a 100% worker cooperative, but a law that makes every single company in NZ pay its employees 50% of its profits, on top of their regular salaries.

Now im not an economist so idk anything about this subject. I’m just a socialist who has worked for the government before so i know how inefficient true communism can be when the government owns every business, but i have also worked in a private business that could afford to pay everyone an extra $250,000 but instead gives 1 billion dollars to our australian owners and kept us short staffed and underequiped.

so i wanted an alternative, and this is what i’ve come up with just fooling around with numbers and hypotheticals.

So I would love to see an actual economists take on this, not that i expect to find one on tumblr lol i’m just writing this here cause idk where else to write my thoughts.

So why only 50% of profits instead of 100%?

I think compromise is important. Every revolution failed because of a lack of compromise. revolutionaries pushed the revolution further and further to the extreme which pushed away moderates and sparked counter-revolutionaries. Keeping it to 50% means maybe more moderates will be on board. Keeping it to 50% also means investors are still motivated to invest and receive returns, which solves the biggest problem with worker cooperatives.

I’ve gone and looked at 40 of the largest companies (by revenue, number of employees, or net profit) in NZ, and calculated what it would look like if they paid their employees 50% of their profits evenly. These companies represent about 10% of the NZ workforce.

Note that some companies can literally afford to pay ALL of their employees HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of dollars and still keep 50% of their profits. One can even afford to make every single one of its employees a millionaire. (also note that some of this data is even from 2020/2021 with covid severely damaging the economy)

This averages out to $28000 per person. The median income of NZ is $53,000, so that would mean a sudden 52% increase in salary on average.

Not for nothing, it would also lead to an enormous amount of money in circulation, as people with more money will buy more things, and give the economy a massive boost. (The opposite of trickle down economic. Suck it first year business dude.)

I think a law like this would provide a sudden and drastic redistribution of wealth.

And i think it’s worth the time/brainpower of someone who knows more about economics than me.

[spade-riddles]

Submission:

Do antis and ex-Kaylors ever stop to think about how their perception of Karlie makes no sense?

We all know Jerklie is fake. But he’s toxic to her reputation now, and she could easily beard for someone else. So why wouldn’t she? 

“But she likes Jerk” - I mean, does she? Because she looks dead behind the eyes during their pap walks. She’s been caught on camera arguing with him multiple times (1975 concert, 4th July party, etc) and it’s clear he keeps springing stuff on her she didn’t agree too, and resents. The sheer weirdness of the “wedding” PR rollout attests to that. Just look at her miserable face eating cake on the floor. I’m not exactly feeling the love here. Yeah, she slings her arm around him in a picture, but Taylor used to be just as OTT with the PDA with Calvin, and we all know she hated him. Pictures prove nothing. 

“But Jerk is rich and well-connected and that’s why she sticks with him” - oh please. The Kushers are as sham rich as their in-laws. We joke all the time about how crappy Jerk is at business. Karlie is charming and well-connected in her own right. I struggle to believe she couldn’t find better business partners. Maybe she has poor management, but the number one reason for that is her connection to Jerk. Better management won’t touch her while she’s connected to him. They can’t sell this version of her. 

The smart move for her career would be to dump him. If she’s so fame hungry and self-centered, why hasn’t she? Are we really supposed to believe Karlie would be selfish and cruel enough to put her career over Taylor … but not over Jerk? How does that even make sense? It doesn’t! 

“Karlie toys with Kaylors because we’re the only fans she has left” - does not compute. First because Kaylor fandom is tiny now, and the subset of Kaylors who believe they’re still together (and pay attention to Karlie) is even tinier. It wouldn’t be worth her while to use us for financial gain. Half the Kaylors who even support her on Tumblr have made it clear they won’t be buying from her Adidas line or supporting her other endeavors until she leaves Jerk. There just isn’t any money to be made from us, pure and simple. 

“Okay, then Karlie TROLLS Kaylors because she hates us and wants to make us look stupid!” - I mean, looking at the venom we send her way I doubt she loves us anymore. But why would she bother trolling us? It’s so unbelievably petty, and she never seemed to be that. Maybe I have her character all wrong, but even if I do … wouldn’t she get tired of it eventually? All the “trolling” ever does is bring more hate down on her head and reduce the amount of people willing to pay attention to her in future. It’s shooting herself in the foot. 

Most of the people who get excited by her hints are the well-intentioned fans who want her to be free and happy. If her relationship with Jerk is fake (as it obviously is) then why would she be so full of hate for fans who only wish her well? You may as well say Taylor stunts with Toe because she “hates” Gaylors and wants to troll us. Why do we always give Taylor the benefit of the doubt and assume there were 1001 pivots on the road to her coming out, but with Karlie, we always assume the worst? 

“Kaylor broke up and Karlie is just trying to stay relevant by mining the Taylor connection!” - yeah, I don’t know how to tell you this, but if a tree falls in the forest and only a tiny subset of internet fans notice it, it’s not staying relevant. Karlie wearing a rainbow sweater the day Fearless comes out is only interesting to us. Literally no-one else cares! These kind of obscure hints aren’t going to get her headlines or jobs. 

Also, if Karlie really cared that much about using the Taylor thing for fame, there are a million better ways to do it. She could post throwback pics of their “friendship”. She could mention her all the time in interviews. Taylor is in a quiet phase with the media, and NDAs don’t cover EVERYTHING. As long as Karlie didn’t actually lie or expose their relationship as more than a friendship, there are a lot of ways she could have continued to tie herself to Taylor for publicity, and Taylor couldn’t do anything about it. But mostly Karlie hasn’t done that. Instead, she went dark. How does that fit?

Also, if they did break up, there is nothing to stop Karlie coming out. She’s good friends with Cara Delevingne. She could get loads of headlines about Cara “helping her find the courage to come out” or “helping her realize her sexuality”. She could be linked to other famous women. If Karlie was OUT, people would speculate like crazy about her being an ex of Taylor Swift’s, even if NDAs meant she couldn’t talk about it. If publicity was all Karlie wanted, she could have plenty of it. If she came out as bi, she could even go back to bearding later. It hasn’t stopped Julienne Hough, Harry Styles, or a bazillion other Hollywood celebs. 

But instead she puts all her energy into presenting this image of herself as super straight. WHY? 

You know who really needs Karlie to be straight right now? And to have always been straight, and in love with the same guy the whole time they knew each other?

TAYLOR. 

If Karlie is married to Jerk and had “his” baby, then the Jerklie relationship was real all along. That’s what people will think. Kaylors are just a bunch of deluded, intrusive shippers on the internet. TAYLOR needs people to believe this. There is no other woman she can be convincingly linked to right now, and it’s hard for her to stunt with Toe, for a lot of reasons. One is that she picked a British beard and then an international pandemic hit, whoops! Another is that she set up this whole “private love story” idea with him. And anyway, its been four years. If she starts stunting more hardcore with Toe there are only so many stunts left to pull. If Karlie wasn’t “married” to Jerk right now, I GUARANTEE we would be seeing a Toe engagement. 

Karlie is doing the heavy lifting for Taylor. It’s obvious to me. 

[hopekiedokie]

Mall is Life | INTRO : She’s Broke, He’s Broke, We’re All Broke!

Summary: Your dad thinks it’s best for you to pay off the credit card that you just maxed out. Meaning, it’s time for you to finally get your very first job…at the mall. As a true blue spoiled daughter from a very rich family, what could possibly happen? Form a labour union and overthrow the oppressive government with 7 other underpaid and overworked guys??? Or maybe just form a bond with them and have the best time of your life?

Pairing: bts x reader

Genre: mall!au, lowkey a sitcom, fluff, eventual angst, and a whole lot of pure crack

Word count: 5.3k+

Notes: As I’m doing final rewrites for this, I overheard my co-teacher call one of our students a “crack” and I honestly have never related hard to a student. Anyways, transferring this from gdocs to tumblr took sooooo long. I literally aged 10 years. I didn’t think writing in this style would be such a pain so I really do hope you enjoy this! Keep safe and hang on while the world still seems like it’s on its way to destruction.

Posted on: 8th of Jan, 2021

— • masterlist | Character Guide | INTRO | next • —

Red

Red is all you see.

Your vision has been clouded by the colour red since the moment you stepped inside the mall.

Sale season is upon you and red tags are everywhere!

Buy one get one for a girlfriend sized “boyfriend t-shirt”, a free cookie if you get 7 drinks, 5% off on your next purchase from Kucci and… Gasp! 75% off for a light sabre handheld immersion blender???

Do you even cook or watch Star Trek or whatever it’s called? Heck no.

bUT IT’S MORE THAN HALF OFF and it looks cool so might as well get it.

Right?

You saunter off towards the sights of free or marked down signs to start making damages.

“Ehem.”

The sound of your best friend, Taehyung’s voice, freezes you in place and you feel like a kid caught in the act of stealing a candy.

Literally, you have both your hands in front of you with your mouth open and watering.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” His hands are placed on his hips, like a slightly inconvenienced Karen.

“Oh, uh...I was just, you know!? About to admire the general splendour!”

He was like, ya right sweetie.

“Shut up. This isn’t a Jane Austen book.”

Well, one can dream.

And lowkey, you were kinda expecting him to not get the reference.

…or even understand what you just said.

Damn.

You really need to give Taehyung some credit.

He is after all, your best friend and that is an achievement in itself.

“Focus, y/n. FOCUS. We’re here on a mission, don’t get distracted.”

Ugh, right.

Reality hit you again like a ton of bricks.

“And as if you can afford anything! Unless, you’re in for some service water.”

You scoff hard.

Though he isn’t lying.

See, the thing is, your family is rich.

Like rich 𝑹𝑰𝑪𝑯.

Like “rent a whole stadium for your dad’s morning run” rich

You, alone, though?

ʰᵉ ʰᵉ ʰᵉ

“Sorry, you’re absolutely right. We’re here for one thing only and that is to find a job! We’re not leaving until we get one.”

And that’s what you did for the next two hours

Job hunting

You might be wondering, “If we're so rich then why are we looking for a job?”

Well kids, let me tell you a quick story.

Here’s what happened

A week ago, you had probably the most embarrassing yet most eye opening experience of your life.

You were shopping

(like duh do you have anything else to do?)

And your credit card got…

Wait for it…

…………….

🚫DECLINED🚫

◉.◉

Like, that can happen????

Next thing you know, you’re on the phone with your dad and he is MAD

You don’t even know why he is so pressed about it.

Okay, so you maxed out one of his seemingly endless supply of credit cards.

BIG DEAL.

It’s not like he lost a bunch of money.

Maybe to a normal person, yeah…

BUT to you guys?

Come on! He can earn that money back in like two days.

Besides, he always goes on saying that he'd willingly give everything for you, his one and only princess.

bUT NOoOOoo! He has to teach you to be rEsPoNsIbLe with money! You need to be a 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏.

"What? You think I'm a money making machine here?"

Well, tbh he kinda is.

"You think money grows on trees?"

Well, technically, money is paper so...ya it kinda does.

"I don't slave around just so you could plunge yourself in all of your whims!"

Uh, actually.

You kinda do though if we refer back to your whole willingly-give-everything-to-you shtick.

So that wasn't real, huh?

ＡＬＬ ＭＥＮ ＤＯ ＩＳ ＬＩＥ.

smh

Taehyung, on the other hand...

Well, his mother’s old but rich sugar daddy just recently passed away and unfortunately all his money and prized possessions were inherited by his one and only beloved son.

All they got was a couple of stupid jewelry, which did allow them to pay for a new (less glamorous) apartment, but still

Eh.

What a complete disappointment.

11+ years of being a sugar baby, all for nothing.

So now it’s back to the slums for the both of them.

Sad reacs for a fallen warrior.

I’m talking about Tae’s mother, not the sugar daddy...

THOUGh rip for him. Uh,,,,

He’ll be missed? I guess???

(1 like of this post = 1 respect for him)

DW about his mother though. She doesn’t seem quite fazed by it.

“This is why if you find a rich old bastard, make sure he doesn’t have any kids. That or have an affair with their kid. Oh well, on to the next one.” She told you and Tae during the funeral.

It’s been three months since.

She’s currently working at a hair salon and also,,,,

Taehyung thinks she’s seeing someone again cause she’s been using her designated “𝑠𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑖𝑛𝑔” parfum.

WHICH you still don’t know if you should be impressed or be concerned about.

Nonetheless, you respect the hustle of this woman. ✊✊✊✊

Unfortunately, her efforts are still not enough to satisfy their expensive needs so that brings us to the present situation.

Actually, it couldn’t have been more perfect though!

You and your best friend coincidentally just happen to be in the same dilemma.

Kind of

Well, not really

Plus, it’s not really the most pleasant circumstance bUT STILL

The point is, you’re in this together and that’s enough for the both of you.

:’)

“Ugh, this totally blows.” Taehyung says as you both sit on one of the food court booths.

“Which one, us not getting any jobs yet or the fact that we’re hanging at the food court?”

“Get used to it, princess. Honestly, you'll find that the food here isn't as disgusting as you think they are." He says as he fishes for his phone in his man purse.

"Well, at this rate, I won't be able to get used to it since I sTILL haven't found a job. Why are the good stores so demanding? Like, an intensive classroom and in-store training only to have a possibility to get hired??? To think that I'm a loyal Louie Button customer!"

(A/n: This is actually a real procedure for Louis Vuitton, at least in my own experience. But I only applied and never went through with the training cause I figured that it just ain't for me.)

You continue ranting your little heart out about how you could sue these stores for unfair treatment.

Taehyung, though, has long tuned you out and has pointed his full attention to his phone.

This is turning out to be a lot more disastrous than what he anticipated.

So he needs to phone a friend in.

Orrrrr a couple.

He's getting desperate, okay??

The entire spring collection was practically screaming out to him when they entered Kucci.

He's a 𝓚𝓾𝓬𝓬𝓲 𝓫𝓸𝔂 through and through.

He hasn't missed a single Kucci season collection in years.

IN YEARS, PEOPLE!

He can feel his right eye twitch at this blasphemy.

"I'm telling you! These stores are absolutely ungrateful-hEY! Are you even listening??"

"No. I thought that was obvious the second I whipped my phone out."

( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

Rude

He didn't even try to deny it.

"You know, I really don't need you to be mean to me right now."

"Sorry y/n but this…" He lifts his phone up, "is more important right now."

What could possibly be more important than your current problem??

If you don't leave today with any form of productivity, you just might have to sell the entirety of your closet.

And we all know that ain't happening.

"By 'that', you mean?"

His phone vibrates a couple of times, indicating that he just received a bunch of messages.

He instantly opens them, disregarding you once again.

I-

Seriously, thIS bOy!

"Hello???? I'm still here and we're still hideously unemployed!"

He looks up to you with a smile that seems a tad bit too eerie.

Okay, this is somewhat alarming ngl.

"I called in some reinforcements."

Reinforcements... Huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

You stare at him with scrunched brows and mouth slightly agape.

And as if on cue, a male voice rings from behind you.

"Tae! We're here!"

"Jimin! Seokjin hyung!"

Ohhhhhhh

*Looks at the camera*

Them.

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

For everyone's information, Taehyung grew up a hair away from the poverty line.

He was in his preteen years when their family found success through his mother's sugar daddy.

He didn't grow up rich whICH there's NOthing wrong WiTh THAT.

A person's financial status does not define them.

Taehyung's friends, however, already have a collective definition in your head.

One word

༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ MESS™

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

A hot mess you are so not willing to become a part of.

Tae keeps them away from you because he knows that they are not the type of people you would associate yourself with.

Which is why you've never met any of them.

...Until today.

♫︎DUN DUN DUN♫︎

Guess being besties with a broke Taehyung means it only makes sense that you finally meet them.

♫︎dUN dUn- ok that's enough of that.

"We got the Code 17 message. I can't believe I'll ever get that from you. This is history, man! We need to celebrate!" Someone says accompanied by what sounds like someone wiping a window.

You look at Taehyung with a very displeased look.

May god and every higher being out there give you strength.

He doesn't even look the slightest bit bothered by what might be one of the boldest crossovers to ever happen.

Also, "Code 17"??? Wth?

"What's wrong? You never ask to meet at the food court… And who's this with--oh." A different, softer voice talks this time.

"You guys remember my bestie, right? Y/n? Well, I think it's time you guys finally meet."

From behind you, Seokjin and Jimin share a slightly wary yet excited look.

Jimin, being the natural people lover that he is, instantly thinks that he's about to have another best friend.

From what he's heard from Taehyung, you two are slightly alike, being a total softie.

So don't be surprised if a montage of things like the two of you going on picnics at the mall garden or watching the premiere of the next Disney movie plays in his head.

Seokjin, on the other hand, being the woman lover that he is, instantly thinks that he's about to score big time.

He's heard a lot about you from Tae but the only thing that stuck (and pretty much the only thing that matters) is that you are HELLA rich.

$ ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 $

So are we even surprised that what he imagines is him breezing through the luxury section of the mall, with his personal butlers in tow, and having everyone swoon at him?

“Y/n,” Taehyung gives you a pointed look as if telling you to be nice. “Meet Seokjin hyung and Jimin, two of my other best friends.”

Alright, you heard that these people work here at the mall.

So you’re gonna have to suck it up if it means being stuck with them for god knows how long.

You just hope they have some level of bearableness.

(Oh and some form of acceptable fashion taste too please, thank you very much!)

As much as you're not in the mood to smile, you still plaster on the sweetest one you can muster and turn around to face the two----

Oh

(o.O)

oh oh oh oh ho ho ho ho

Hello

hELLO indeed.

One of them has a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black slim fit trousers, and a brown newsboy cap like a cherry on top.

He's also wearing a brown apron with a small name tag that says 𝓙𝓲𝓶𝓲𝓷.

The other guy's more casual with his baby pink t-shirt, french tucked into his black ripped skinny jeans.

Personally, you wouldn’t really call them amazing outfits…

bUT SWEET BABY JESUS ARE THEY DOING THINGS.

GREAT THINGS

(Tbh maybe it’s their handsome faces that do it for you)

"Hi, I'm Jimin! It's very nice to finally meet you."

He extends his hand and you take it in a heartbeat because my god that smile.

Wooooooooooo

Now, that's what greets you into heaven.

"Tae says a lot of good things about you and I think- oof."

Cute pink shirt guy (rudely) shoves him to the side.

Jimin almost topples to the ground and it makes you want to stand and check up on him.

The poor cutie.

For some reason, you feel like Taehyung and pink shirt guy get along well.

"AND I'M Seokjin!"

This time, Seokjin swiftly takes your hand without any warning which leaves you feeling flustered.

“Umm… Nice to meet you..?” You manage to politely croak out.  

He gives your hand a kiss and then drops you a sultry wink.  

Thank god you're sitting right now.  

You'd be a lying fool to say that that didn't make your knees weak.  

But ngl, that’s a face that definitely greets you into hell.  

Like, no offense to his handsome face but you are sure there’s something completely devious going on underneath.  

No one can change your mind on that.  

"OKAY! Enough introductions, we’ll have plenty of time for that later... Where are the others??”  

“Hoseok hyung said that he's with Jungkook and they're on their way to get Namjoon hyung." Jimin says as he fixes his hat that slightly slid off.  

"Well, they better hurry!"  

Taehyung DEFINITELY did not have any reasons to cut your introductions off.  

He just did not like how you are practically drooling over Jimin and Seokjin.  

He’s nOT JEALOUS OR ANYTHING  

It’s just...  

It’s not like you’ve never been close to any hot guys before.  

Uh hello???  

HE’S HOT  

And you’re with him 24/7

Wait…  

Do you even think he’s hot???  

Okay now that’s a thought he never considered before.  

Damn bro  

Now Tae’s having an existential crisis…  

anD hE’s dEfiniTEly NOT jEALous!!!  

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  

"WE'RE HERE!"  

All four of you direct your heads to the sound of a new voice and you start to think that Taehyung might actually be playing a joke on you.  

Come on!  

THREE 👏  MORE 👏  HOT 👏 GUYS  👏

???  

This can't be real.  

This is literal heaven!  

Gasp!  

Are.  

You.  

DEAD?!  

Maybe you're right about Jimin being what greets you into heaven!

It all makes sense.  

“Dude, we came as soon as we could. We even pulled Namjoon out of his rabbit hole.” The handsome one wearing a sports jersey says. 

“This better be important. I didn’t even get to ask permission to take a break! I’m supposed to be stocking utensils right now.” The handsome one wearing an atrocious outfit of a bright blue shirt and a much brighter yellow pants chimes in.  

The handsome one wearing loose fitting jeans, a plaid button up and a black t-shirt underneath just stayed at the sidelines not saying anything.  

Out of all of them, you think he’s the most stylish one.  

Your eyes meet while you are assessing his outfit but he instantly looks away.  

A noticeable blush blooms on his cheeks and you almost swoon.  

Awww he’s extra cute.  

“Yeah, cause organising cutlery is more important than a friend in a literal crisis.” Taehyung says in a sarcastic tone.  

“So what are we doing here?”  

“What is this ‘crisis’ you are referring to?”  

“Yo, who is she?”  

Namjoon, Jin, and handsome jersey boy all talk at the same time.  

Ugh you need a massage.  

Being surrounded by these broke handsome men is making you lightheaded.  

“This is Y/n. You know, my other best friend.”

“Oh, your money buddy.” Handsome jersey boy butts in.   

Uh EXCUSE YOU, WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  

You scoff hard and loud.  

Taehyung clears his throat and you thought he was going to make a comment defending you or something.  

Oh honey, you are wrong.  

Because for the nth time today, he just brushes you off.  

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyways, Guys, meet Y/n. Y/n, this is Hoseok hyung, Namjoon hyung, and Jungkook.”  

You didn't think it'd be possible but for the first time ever, you so badly want to rip someone's hair out.  

And not just someone, it's Taehyung.  

Normally, a sassy, moody, rude boy Taehyung doesn’t affect you at all.  

But then again, his negative vibes were never really directed to you.  

And given the current circumstance, you’re also not in the best mood as well.  

So you aren't as inviting as you usually are when you shook hands with the three boys.  

Somehow, even their overflowing handsomeness did not do anything for you now.  

Your presence, however, did something to the three boys.  

AND I MEAN A LOT.  

Confused, attracted, intimidated, confused, in awe, slightly scared, nervous, confused, hungry…  

What? Hoseok hasn’t had lunch and coincidentally, he started feeling his tummy rumble when he looked at you.  

…..  

Fun fact: Hoseok is DEFINITELY NOT A CANNIBAL NOR HE EVER PLANS ON BEING ONE.  

If ever you were thinking...  

“Okay, so here’s the sitch.” Tae starts to explain your situation and everyone listens to him intently.  

Little did you all know, the final member of the friend group just arrived at the food court and is now walking towards where you all are.  

It wasn’t difficult to spot your group with Namjoon’s obnoxiously brightly coloured towering self and the few girls hanging around.  

Probably Jimin’s fanclub.  

“And so, here we are!” Tae finishes, keeping everyone updated.  

"Wow, so you two are looking for an actual job? Like, here? At the mall??" A very baffled Seokjin asks.  

Tae rolls his eyes.  

"Yes. Is that really hard to believe?"  

"Actually, yes. It is."  

Another male voice is heard coming from someplace.  

“Yoongi hyung!”  

Oh great! Another one.  

Surely, this guy’s not that interesting.  

I mean, what are the fricking odds that he’s also an immaculate being??  

You turn around and your mouth drops to the floor.  

No no no no no.  

No way!  

Another freaking gOOD LOOKING GUY HAS WALKED UP TO YOUR GROUP.  

Okay, this is getting unbelievable now.  

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?  

Like, where and how on earth did Taehyung manage to get and round up SIX insanely good looking guys??  

What is this? Are you on The Bachelorette??

Wait no   

It's like Oprah!  

And instead of cars, she's giving away handsome men

You get a hot Asian man, you get a hot Asian man, you all get a hot Asian man!  

OR MAYBE  

Are you on MTV Punk'd?????  

Statistically speaking, a hot guy can have two or maybe three equally hot best friends

BUT SIX???   

ARE YOU KIDDING?  

Is Taehyung like Thanos? Collecting the six infinity stones?  

Thanos? lol.  

If anything, he's more like Henry VIII with his six wives.  

“So you guys didn’t even wait for me, huh?”

Yoongi, oh so casually, just takes a seat beside you   

Without even giving you a single glance or whatnot.  

“I didn’t know you'd be here at the mall today?”  

“Yeah, what are you doing here?”  

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “It’s a free country, I can be here whenever I want to be.”  

Well, can’t argue with that logic.  

The mall is practically your second home at this point.  

“... Also… uTunes is hiring and uh… I’m applying...”  

You don’t understand why but everyone else looks either shocked or annoyed at Yoongi’s announcement... 

Are you missing something here?  

“Man, you need to give it up! That place can suck it.”  

Yoongi gives Seokjin one of the scariest glare you’ve ever seen.  

It could rival against your dad’s famous death glares that he gives to his incompetent subordinates.  

Namjoon shakes his head disapprovingly, “You’re applying there again?? I can’t believe it.”  

Yes, again.  

This is going to be the seventh time he’s applying at uTunes Records, the most popular music shop there is.  

So many people flock to it even though we’re already in the digital age.  

But he doesn’t question it.  

All he cares about is getting a job there because the employees get to play their own music in the store.  

Do you know how much of a popularity boost that is?  

A CRAP TON.  

On top of that, one of the employees gets a chance to get signed by a record label every year.  

And if you're not awarded by that chance, you can still meet agents and get signed through their many parties.  

Because of that, so many people also apply for a job there.  

But they unfortunately have such high standards which is why even after three years, he still hasn’t passed their vibe check.

"Listen, seven's a lucky number. I have great feelings about this one. Besides, I've built up a strong résumé. Winning one of uTunes' own rookie dj contests must mean something, right? They can't not take me!"   

Wow.  

You've only known Yoongi for a solid three minutes, but you can already tell that he's quite passionate about this.  

"Hyung, all we're saying is that maybe you should consider doing something else? You could do so much more than run after that store." Jimin says and pats Yoongi's hand a couple of times.  

"All of you perfectly know getting a job there could quite possibly set my music career!"  

"Is that really it? Or is it because of a certain Daphne??" Seokjin teases him.  

The rest just mutters an "ooh" or an "aah".  

You seem to have been turned into an accessory.  

You so cannot relate to anything they've talked about since Yoongi came. 

It's like you're at one of your dad's social gatherings and all you can do is smile and nod.  

"ANYWAY," Yoongi interjects in their teasing. "So Tae, you're also looking for a job?"  

Jeez FINALLY.  

Something you can talk about that involves you.  

It felt like you were just back home watching some random show that doesn't require your input.  

Taehyung gives an overly dramatic heavy sigh.  

"Unfortunately, yes. Y/n and I both need one badly. But all the stores had been rejecting us left and right. Like, the audacity!" Taehyung rants all over again.  

Jimin, listens to him intently as if he hasn't heard all of this before.  

Seokjin seems to have been entertaining the surrounding ladies for a while now.

[by giving some ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ and some (•̀ᴗ-)☞  ]  

Across the table, Namjoon complains to Hoseok about getting in trouble with his boss.  

Jungkook, well, he's just staring at the beautiful pizza this kid next to you guys is eating. (Someone's hungry too, okay?) 

While Yoongi just openly stares at you.  

Welp.  

What the frick are you supposed to do now?

Is Taehyung or anyone going to properly introduce you two?   

No???  

Okay fine.  

Seems like you're gonna have to get used to doing things on your own.  

You smile at him and timidly hold your hand out.  

"Uh hi. I'm Y/n. I don't know if Tae's ever mentioned me to you before but--"  

"Oh, trust me. He's mentioned you plenty. He actually never shuts up about you."  

ʰᵉʰ  

Ok  

You don't really know if he was stating that as a fact or if he's trying to be mean…  

"Oh ha ha… That must be really annoying then."  

"Yeah, it is actually."  

Your small polite chuckle died down your throat.  

Wow and you thought Taehyung can be rude.  

hE'S STILL JUST STARING.  

"Uh…" You finally lowered your hand that he obviously isn't going to shake.  

That is definitely going in your top 10 most embarrassing moments ever.  

God, can someone get you away from this guy?  

What's his problem?  

"SO, can any one of you help us? Like, any tips or something?" Tae concludes his really long and repetitive rant.  

Everyone's eyes FINALLY focuses on Tae again.  

Seokjin snorts loudly.  

Eww.  

He opens his mouth to say something but Tae immediately holds his hand up to stop him.  

"Anyone except you hyung. I don't think you're classified."  

Everyone laughs to that and again,  

ARE YOU MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING HERE?  

Seokjin raises one finger like he's trying to make a point. "If anyone is classified to give tips on how to get accepted, it's me!"  

"Yeah, just not on how to last on one." Namjoon loudly whispers to Tae.  

"HEY I HEARD THAT!"  

Ohhh….  

So,  

Does he constantly get fired from a job?  

Well, that's just sad.  

Hopefully you don't end up like him.  

😳  

"Actually," Hoseok starts, "how do you end up landing on so many jobs? Like, don't they know your reputation?"  

And that's your cue to finally insert yourself in the conversation.  

"Uh, what reputation?"  

"Sweetheart, you don't really want to know! It's not that big of a deal." Seokjin quickly steers you away from the topic but the other guys didn't allow it to happen.  

"Oh, you know. Just that, he's known to be the "job eater" here. Cause he pretty much eats a job and moves on from it in a flash." Namjoon graciously fills you in.  

So you were right.  

That's kind of impressive though…  

But a huge waste.  

"Still! It makes me very much qualified to give the unemployed a tip!"  

"Save it hyung, you might need it for your next job once you get fired from Uncle Aang's."  

Seokjin gives everyone a sheepish smile.  

What's that about?  

It almost looks as if he…  

"YOU GOT FIRED ALREADY?!"  

"Oh you bet I did."  

To be fair, how could he not stop himself from eating the free samples? Those pretzels are literal drugs.  

"You just got that job four days ago. I can't believe it!"  

"I can believe it." Yoongi says out loud.  

Can't he say anything nice?  

"Whatever! Point is, these stores still hire me no matter what."  

"You know what, that is a good point." Taehyung mutters, slowly turning convinced by Seokjin.  

Namjoon groans. "Are you for real Tae? If you want some job advice, maybe ask one from us who has only had one permanent job all throughout."  

"Guys, let's give Seokjin hyung a chance!" Jimin, ever the sweet positive boy, suggests.

"Of course you would say that."    

Not wanting to fade into nothingness, you insert yourself again in the conversation.  

"I want to hear what he has to say."  

Once those words left your mouth, you instantly regret it.  

A.) Seokjin gives you another wink and gives you a flying kiss that has you weak in the knees again- I MEAN WHAT. I SAID NOTHING.  

And B.) Yoongi is clearly not a fan of you sharing your opinions with the group.    

Despite the obvious protests of Namjoon, Seokjin still gives his number one "professional" advice  

And that is to have a perfectly 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉 𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 résumé.  

"A high quality résumé? YOU? What the fuck are you talking about?" Yoongi says, slightly amused and slightly tired of the older guy's shenanigans.  

"Don't believe me? Fine. But I'm telling you, it's all here on paper!" Seokjin takes out a folder from his backpack and waves it around.  

Namjoon immediately snatches it from him  

"5 pages long?? Are you for real?”  

Seokjin hums and watches smugly with a cocky grin as the guys read through his résumé.  

“Hang on, since when did you do balloon modelling?”  

"I don't."  

Hoseok gasps. "But bro, isn't that lying?"  

"Yeah, duh! How else are these people gonna hire you? You have to sell them what they're looking for."  

"What if they ask you to use these skills that you clearly don't have?"  

"Then you're just gonna have to fake it till you make it, baby!"  

Huh  

No wonder he doesn't last long on a single job.  

"And how's that working out for you?" Yoongi presses on.  

"Well at least I get hired, Mr. 7th Time's the Charm!"  

Yoongi is like ᶠⁱᵗᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁱ ʷᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉˢⁱᵗᵃᵗᵉ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ (ง'̀-'́)ง  

"That's not really the point of having a job, but I guess, whatever floats your boat, dude!" Hoseok finally sides with Seokjin.  

"So everyone is looking for a job then?" Taehyung realizes, "this is so cool if all of us get hired! We'll all face the real world together."  

"All of us except Jungkook though."  

Who?  

Oh that extra cute shy boy.  

You forgot he's here.  

Boy really hasn't said a word at all.  

"Did ya hear that? All of us are getting jobs!"

"You should get one too!"   

"That would be so cool!"  

"So what do you say? What are your plans Kook?"  

"Guys, don't pressure the kid!"  

The guys talk simultaneously, ultimately kind of pressuring Jungkook to say something before he even thinks about it.  

The table falls silent and everyone eyes Jungkook.  

The guys are like ( ･ิ ͜ʖ ･ิ) and ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)  

Jungkook is like (ʘ ͟ʖ ʘ)  

Then the guys are like (≖ ͜ʖ≖)  

So jungkook is like (¬‿¬ )  

In the end, they are all like 

(☞°ヮ°)☞ ☜(°ヮ°☜)  

And through it all, you are just ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ  

What the heck is going on?  

"Yeah, why not?" Jungkook simply concludes and the guys make various celebrating noises.  

Gasp!  

He can talk???  

"Okay, everyone calm down! Let's wait until after everyone gets hired before we celebrate." Namjoon scolds everyone.  

"Well that might take a while considering Y/n and I can't find one!"  

Namjoon places a comforting hand on Tae's shoulder. "Oh relax, there's like ten thousand stores in the mall!"  

"Actually, there are only 613 stores in the entire mall." Hoseok points out a matter of factly.  

You all look at him dumbfoundedly.  

Aaaand he just stares back at all of you.  

Is this some kind of trivia that you need to know if you work around here?  

Are you gonna have to memorise a lot of facts about the mall???  

Oh, you don't like that.  

Seokjin was the first one to react.  

"Dude?? What the hell?!"  

"I got bored once while I was on a break and counted."

Huh.  

Makes sense.  

Yeah, sure.  

Why not?  

Why wouldn't you just go and count the total number of stores out of boredom???  

…  

THAT WAS A SARCASTIC REMARK IF YOU DIDN'T GET IT.  

"Even if there are 600 stores here, there are only like, 20 good stores that exist!" Tae remarks   

You want to say you can't agree more but you stop yourself because you don't think you can handle another cold stare from Yoongi.  

"Are you perhaps pertaining to the high end stores?" Namjoon muses.  

"Yeah. What else?"  

Jimin's eyes widen in shock. "Hold on. So you two have only been looking at that small section of the entire mall?"  

"Yeah. Why?"  

Yoongi chuckles condescendingly.  

"Bros, you know that saying… 'Beggars can't be choosers'?" Hoseok tries to enlighten you two.  

You and Tae look at each other.  

What an epiphany.  

A very disgusting yet important epiphany.  

"Are you… Are you guys saying that… We need to find a job… Outside of that section??"  

They all nod.  

Ughhhhhhh  

You and Tae make an annoyed sound.  

"Welcome to the real world, peasants!" Seokjin warmly tells you.  

Could things get any worse?  

"Hey, at least we'll all be here together!"  

Ha ha 

Great . Awesome. Wow.

"Well, on that note, I really need to get back to work. Lady and gentlemen, may the odds be ever in your favour. Good luck!"  

Namjoon stands and walks away.  

One by one, the other working guys went back to work as well, leaving you unemployed slackers.  

Hey they didn't even give any actual help!  

Wasn't that the reason why Tae called for a… What did they call it?  

Code something something.  

Oh whatever!  

Anyways,  

So to summarize things  

You might end up working at an awful low end store.  

And you're unwillingly stuck with the wrong set of people.  

One of them is a total flirt and an actual pain to society.  

Another one might possibly hate you for unknown reasons.   

This tall dude seems to be really uptight.  

Then there's this guy that seems really weird.

The other one, well… He's cute and doesn't really have any negative points yet BUT you're sure something's wrong with him.   

And the last one literally said one thing during the entire time!  

Oh, you've got a really really long way before you can pay your dad.  

Good luck to you, indeed.   

[writingmanaged]

Fluff Alphabet (Sirius Black)

Ship: Sirius Black x Reader

Triggers: Just mentions of alcohol and sex.

A/N: This is my first post and I hope you all enjoy it! I saw these abcs a lot on tumblr and I thought, why not! I decided to make a new alphabet instead of copying one because I thought it would be much more fair. Without further adu, let's go to the fic!

Α - Activities (Hobbies and things you like to do together)

It is no surprise to anyone that Sirius adores his motorcycle. He simply adores the feeling of the air on his face, pulling his hair back while he looks down at the sight of London. It would only make it better for him, if you were with him too admiring the view and wrapping your arms around him. Perhaps you'd be frightened at first, but he'd make sure to make you understand you are in no danger while he is around. Well, almost.

B - Baby (do they want to have a baby with you?)

Not really. Don't get him wrong, he simply wants his freedom. He thinks you are too young and you should enjoy your independence as much as you can. However, (if you are a fem!reader), as long as you tell him you are pregnant he changes his mind about that completely. Suddenly, he wants to protect that little human and make sure his or her childhood is much better than his own. (That makes him father material)

C - Comfort (how to they comfort you after a bad day?)

If there is one person who knows what it's like to have a bad day, that's Sirius Orion Black. Personally, he usually lets it out on alcohol or sex. But he would never let you do that. Instead he'd pour you just one light drink and let you tell him all about it while you rest in his arms. He'll try to be of help in every way possible. No one has the right to hurt his baby.

D - Dancing (do they like to dance with you?)

Oh yes! Sirius is an amazing dancer of all types. He will always drag you to the dance floor with him. If you like dancing, then prepare yourself for the best time of your life. If you don't, he'll still try to dance with you. Maybe by putting on some music in the dorm when it is empty and dancing in the dark.

E - Eating (meals together)

Sirius will make sure you always have 3 meals a day. During your Hogwarts days, he'll always check on you on all three meals. Both because he loves to stare at you, and to make sure you are eating properly. If you two live together, he will still do so. Do not expect him to cook. This boy barely even had to pour water himself. If you can't cook, however, he'll probably learn. Maybe you could have cooking lessons together.

F - Favourite (their favourite part on you)

Although everyone would expect him to be obsessed over your body (and don't get me wrong, he did love every aspect of it), his favourite part on you is actually your eyes. He just loves to stare inside of them and seeing your love for him reflect inside. They always give him a warm feel which must be what home is supposed to feel like.

G - Gifts (what it says)

It's no secret that this boy is rich. He would love to spend loads of money on you. He'd buy you the most expensive things. Everything you ever need is yours. You look at something in the store? He instantly buys it. If you feel uncomfortable with all this, he will try to restrain himself. You should still expect great gifts on birthdays, holidays and anniversaries whatsoever.

H - Hair (how you treat each other's hair)

Sirius is very fond of his hair. He takes extra care of them. He adores when you run your fingers through them or brush them for you. At times he may even allow you to braid them. At first he was a bit annoyed by it but seeing how it helped you relax it helped him relax as well. He may or may not go to classes looking like that-

I - Ironing (who does the chores?)

I know I've said this a lot, but Sirius was brought up in a rich household. Which means he never got to do chores. However, unlike common belief, he is above all a gentleman and would never let you do all the chores by yourself. He'd make sure you shared an equal amount of chores.

J - Jokes (would you pull jokes on each other)

You bet! Jokes are part of your daily life so you better get used to it. He would also adore to prank you. Your reactions are always so adorable to him. He can't help but life while you are scolding him for ruining your hair. But his laugh is so attractive that you sigh and start laughing along.

K - Kissing (how are their kisses?)

Deep, rough and passionate. He wants to show you how strong his feelings are through the kiss. He is also very demanding and wants to show off dominance. French kisses are his favourite. However, when times require it his kisses can be softer.

L - Lies (would you lie to each other?)

No. Sirius is a very honest person. He would feel most betrayed if you ever lied to him even about the slightest thing. He would also always tell you the truth. "Did you just eat the last piece of cake!?" ".....yes?"

M - Money (how do you handle money?)

Seeing as it is not an issue, he just spends it in all the ways possible. Perhaps he wanted to get rid of it for the shake of his parents. However, you (as the brains of the relationship) would make sure there are always some money aside in times of need.

N - No (things they are not okay with)

Sharing. Not with you, of course. He'd always share everything with you. His house, his clothes, his friends, his heart, they are all yours. However, you only belong to him. This is not an open relationship and if anyone stands too close to you well... They are on for a lifetime of hexing.

O - Outdoors (do you spend more time outdoors or indoors?)

Sirius is a very outgoing person. However, if you are introverted he would stay inside. He is into anything as long as you are there. Still, you should forget about quiet reading nights. Even if you stay in, time with Sirius is very active and loud.

P - Partying (do they like partying with you?)

He is the party animal. More specifically the party dog. This means you will get dragged along into parties a lot. If you like partying, then awesome! If you don't, he'll try to change your mind at first. If he can't, then he'll go without you only to grow tired of it eventually and stay inside with you.

Q - Question (marriage and how they feel about it)

He dreams of it actually. Only the thought of you being a Black, is enough to make him bear a huge grin on his face. Nevertheless, that is the case only after he met you. Beforehand, he wasn't so supportive about it. He was actually certain he would die single.

R - Right (do you argue a lot? Who usually wins?)

This depends on your personality of course. But you should know, this boy is very stubborn. With the correct arguements, you are the one who wins. But he is too stubborn to ever actually admit defeat.

S - Sick (taking care of each other when sick)

He barely ever gets sick, which means he is usually the one taking care of you. He doesn't care if he gets infected. Really, he just wants to take care of you and make sure you get better soon. He'll stay with you while you're sleeping and always race to bring you everything you need. Painkillers? The best in the market. Pillows? The softest. Soup? The tastiest. Hotel? Trivago.

T - Tears (do they cry a lot? Do they do it in front of you?)

Due to his background, he actually cries a lot. Especially when he finds out news about his family. But he would never do it in front of you. He isn't afraid of being seen as weak or anything like that, but he just doesn't want to make you sad.

U - Until death tears us apart (does your relationship last long? Do you ever get apart)

He wanted to stay with you forever. Unfortunately, we all know he has to spend 13 years in Azkaban prison. If you still love him, he would be very happy to get back with you when he comes out. If not, he would be heartbroken but understanding.

V - Victim (what do they do if someone blames you for something you didn't do?)

Oh boi. He would never let that go. He hates when things like this happened. When someone who is innocent gets punished (rings a bell?). He would do his best to get proof regarding your innocent and whoever blamed you... Let's just say they woke up in the infirmary the next day.

W - Working out (what it says)

Sirius likes to work out a lot. That's why his body is the way it is. He'd be delighted if you wanted to join me. He had always wished to do all these couple training.

X - Xoxo (how do they text?)

If phones existed in his era, he'd text you 24/7. Really all the time he wasn't with you, he'd text you. He would send a lot of memes that's for sure. He would also send you a lot of selfies and use emojis all the times. 💕

Y - Yours (Are they possesive? Do they get jealous a lot?

A lot! They would be jealous the second a guy is more than friendly. Don't get him wrong, he trusts you. It is the others he doesn't trust. He'd always rush to your side and wrap his arm around you, claiming you as his own.

Z - Zzzz... (How you sleep together)

He loves cuddling, especially if it is after making love. He'd like to hold you in his arms until morning. He hates to depart from you when you wake up so he'd pull you back down for some more cuddling and maybe even more if you are in the mood.

[coco-chip]

I posted 1,165 times in 2021

51 posts created (4%)

1114 posts reblogged (96%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 21.8 posts.

I added 1,108 tags in 2021

#deltarune - 258 posts

#dr spoilers - 224 posts

#deltarune spoilers - 224 posts

#jjba - 145 posts

#gyjo - 87 posts

#taz ethersea - 71 posts

#saints row - 35 posts

#signal boost - 22 posts

#luca - 21 posts

#tgaa - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like if you pay attention to his dialouge during the ilovemouse puzzle he literally talks about how he feels bad because he can never return

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I think Travis has done a great job on showing a character that expresses that sometimes trauma actively makes you a worse person

When devo interacts with the church he is vindictive and cold and violent and stubborn

And while he despises the churches methods of control he actively uses those methods against others

Trauma does not always make someone “better” and that’s an important story to tell

75 notes • Posted 2021-10-25 20:35:56 GMT

#4

I can’t believe how many people were like ‘man I wish I could kill berdly’ just for Toby to be like “lmao bet”

83 notes • Posted 2021-09-20 00:55:36 GMT

#3

Words to live by!

105 notes • Posted 2021-03-03 05:45:49 GMT

#2

You can really tell Toby was influenced by old video game playground rumors (like the mew under the truck one) when making snowgrave

Imagine a game like this coming out before Internet reliability and telling people about the route??

‘Oh yeah you have to backtrack all the way to this random grey door with noelle and freeze everyone but kris can’t attack them at all and also you need to tell noelle she has to go on the Ferris wheel with you and insist on buying this ring that only appears on the route and’

It sounds fake as fuck 😭

272 notes • Posted 2021-09-20 16:05:15 GMT

#1

ethersea has some truly wild implications when it comes to wealth and money in general that I'm not even sure griffin is aware of???

like how there are people who are magnificently wealthy (the golden wolves being rich to the point where they laugh at a price of 5 lux) when it has only been 20 years since lux was around

the fact that the very creator of lux (joshy) cannot wrangle together more than 20 lux which from the auction we can see is a not a high amount for high class luxury goods

the fact that workers still feel pulled by the weight of wealth (jeremy and the fuck work chant) despite the fact that their basic needs are cared for. everyone in taz ethersea is provided food water and shelter but the power of a made up currency still compels people to do jobs they find terrible

were the people wealthy now also the wealthy on the surface? how did people get so wealthy, to begin with, in such a short amount of time? there are people like devo who were born under the sea do they still understand lux as a sign of high class? is it something only old surface dwellers truly understand or not?

283 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 18:50:56 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Treasure of the Golden Suns Reviews: Wronguay in Ronguay (Paid for by Patreons)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to the genesis of magillicutty   Ducktales with the second part of my months long look at Treasure of the Golden Suns, the mini series that kicked off the series. These reviews are a result of me hitting my first patreon stretch goal. I just did a LONGGG post outlining those here on tumblr so hit that up and help join my patreon so I can reach them and make some more moolah to help keep this my primary job. 

So speaking of that job we’re back to The Treasure of the Golden Suns and the first chapter, while not bad, was a tad disappointing, especially since I really liked it on first viewing. So will the second chapter fair just as bad or be a massive improvement? The only way to find out is under the cut. 

Previously on Ducktales: Donald shoved off with the navy leaving the boys with Scrooge, with both growing to care about one another... both out of nowhere

The boys ended up embroiled int he Beagle Boys theft of a wooden ship for a mysterious gentleman named El Capitan whose preferedd method of dealing with enterlopers.. was to use a chair like a lion tamer. After being falsely blamed for the theft, the boys ended up chasing the beagles to Scrooge’s candy factory, were vindicated and fought them off with Scrooge’s help , ending with the boys getting covered in choclate.  while El Capitan escaped vowing to find the gold. Now knowing the wooden ship was a map, the family prepared to set off

And that’s where we pick up. The reporter from last episode comments on the beagle bust and while the Beagles are hauled off, with Burger asking if they have any milk after eating his chocolate prison. Because his only  character trait is that...

The camera does linger on an impression the ship made in the chocolate... hmmmmmm.

Meanwhile we meet FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD. As I said with Catch as Cash Can, he’s not BAD, just not NEARLY as memorable as the triumphantly insane 2017 version. He’s sitll a good villian and we’ll see why soon, he just has the unenviable task of competiting with a far more iconic versoin made decades later whose far more my type of bad guy. El Captian calls him and offers to make him the richest duck in the world, which he naturally is happy to hear him out on. El Captian as a character i’ll get into more.. but for now let’s talk about his weird fucking voice. For some reason, Jim is doing a Dr. Claw impression, to the point I thought this was Frank Welker. I will grant it’s better than a horrible latinx sterotype, and given the grand kishke and a minor character in this very episode, they were NOT above those, but its’ still just.. weird. He just sounds like he’s possesed with about 80 or 90 demons for no explained reason. 

Back at the mansion, Scrooge and the Boys are both preparing to go after the treasure on the boat map: Scrooge is practicing vacuming it up using the pool and a sea safe vacum likely invented by Gyro, while the boys find the right coordinates to the treasure. Scrooge naturally.. is a bit of a dick about it, refusing to take them along despite them having found it, and saying they can stay with Duckworth. Duckworth’s response is about what you’d expect:

However before they can argue about this, there’s a bang at the door: It’s Flinty and here’s where the parts of this Glomgold I DO like, that do make him standout, if not as much sa his succesor shine: He plays scrooge, offering him 2 million for the Candy Factory. Naturally not realizing what Flinty’s getting out of the deal, Scrooge jumps at a quick and easy 2 million, since he knows it’ll cost MORE than that just to fix up the place. Flinty then proposes a contest: the two of them try to make as much money as possible from scratch in two days. No rules, no barriers, just whoever dosen’t have more money than the other by the end has to eat Flinty’s hat. Scrooge accepts.. but then realizes he has to eat crow and allow the boys along. With Scrooge sufficently blackmailed, the boys reveal where the treasure is: Ronguay, a made up south american county. Why they did so.. well just wait a second. And no it’s not just for the tile... but your close. 

No we find out why as they take the cheapest flight avaliable to Ronguay, only for the boys their going the Wrong way to Ronguay. 

Yeah I love a good pun but I draw the line at desinging an ENTIRE COUNTRY for a really obvious one. I have standards on this blog! Standards that include thirsting after Keith David , DBZA refrences up the whazoo and posting this gif of David Byrne at every given opportunity. 

Look my standards are weird, but their still standards. I draw the line at making a stupid pun when there’s a rich number of countries in South America. I’m not saying Carl Barks was ever against making up a country, he probably did, could be wrong, but more often than not he did his homework instead, as did his succesor Don Rosa. It feels lazy to just make up a country when you really don’t have to and could’ve just found one with a massive rainy season for your children’s cartoon. It’s not hard. I mean it’s harder than now: now I could just google “what south american countries have torrental rains”.. but it’s not like you guys could’n’t just go to a bookstore and buy a refrence book or a library and rent one. I mean if they ran out of time to do anyresearch fine, but even for the 1980′s it wasn’t that difficult to at least TRY. 

Regardless it turns out the pilot is a robot pilot.. who looks amazing but  as it’s a flintheart glomgold company joint is purposfuly tring to keep them off path. Look they didn’t have to unplug the poor guy. I know what he wants. 

So now on the right way to Ronguay our heroes lan only to find the locals all fleeing in terror of something. Scrooge heads in for suplies anyway and finds... a VERY racist sounding clerk. Seriously just to picture this.. picture say .. Michael Scott trying to do an mexican accent. You good and cringing? If not, adapt that to your doofus sitcom character or republican senator of choice There you go. You see my point. It’s not the WORST i’ve seen.. but only because I sat through the Rediculous 6 with my best friend, one of three, Cory, for a podcast we tried doing a year or two ago. I’ve seen Rob Schinder do  this for an entire movie. In 2015 no less. So my threshold for HORRIFCALLY offensive is vast and deep. But this is still garden variety racist and should not have been okay then or now. 

And it really SHOULD have the warning label on it. I’m fully in favor of the content warnings Disney started using, and it’s why I got so fucking annoyed during all the talk about it when it happend to the Muppet Show, ESPECIALLY when the republicans got a hold of it and accused them of “Canceling the muppets”. This is NOT fucking cancelation, this is a way to have the past there for posterity, while acknolding it sucked and was NEVER okay. It’s the best way to do this in my opinon, and it bothers me a LOT that a bunch of jagoffs coopted it and threw a hissy fit about Disney trying to do the right goddamn thing. And i’m also okay with leaving some media out. Disney + is a family platform. While keeping classic movies and shows on there with a proper warning is one thing, it’s another to not put song of the south or that episode of the muppets where the host later turned out ot be a pedophile on there. Some things just don’t have nearly enough worth to outpace the harm they can do. And it’s up to companies and consumers to figure out what fits where. 

Anyways our heroes find a llama for transport and that the map is seemingly a dead end to the desert. But Scrooge is determined to press on... and while he does El Capitan and Glomgold are following him, though the two clearly don’t agree on whose in charge, or if El Captian sounds like dr claw or not. They followed with their own copy of the map taken from the chocolate. 

As things progress the rain starts.. and our heroes find out via the JWG that this is what the citzens were all running from. They loose the llama, though are able to salvage some of their suplies it was carrying, and Scrooge nearly gives up to dispair. It’s a good, if sudden, character moment: Scrooge genuinely laments that he was worried one day he’d loose his step.. and stop being one step ahead of everyone. It shows some much needed vunerablity.. that beneath his boisterious and cantankerious usual personality he’s deathly afraid his age will eventualy mean he’ll have to stop..and having to stop adventuring and stop working and stop doing eveyrthing that makes him Scrooge McDuck is a fate worse than death. 

Thankfully he dosen’t as via a figure on the ship, Huey, Dewey or Louie figures out, in a REALLY amazing twist, that the desert itself was the ocean: the ship that has the treasure simply sailed here and hid it. So while our heroes reflect, Glomgold decides to take them out NOW while he has the chance over El Captian’s protests, as the good captain only cares about the gold. But Glomgold is right.. from a villianous point of view at least. leaving them alive is a waste.. granted he does so.. in a way that makes my brain cry out in pain and want to run. He lights a stick of dynamite. In a torrential rainstorm. 

I mean i’d expect 2017 Glomgold to try it and have it fail.. not to have the actually clever 87 version not only try something this stupid BUT HAVE IT WORK. THE FUSE LIGHTS. IT’S READY TO GO OFF. HE ONLY STOPS IT BECAUSE HIS MAP GETS EATEN AND THEY NEED SCROOGE’S IN TACT. JUST HOW DO YOU WHY DO YOU AUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Okay i’m.. i’m good now. So after that bit of nonsense and some taking my medication, our heroes take shelter in a cave. The grusome twosome try to sneak in while their asleep.. only to trigger the alarms the boys set up using their pots and pans, a “junior woodchuck alarm”. Clever little bastards. 

The tables quickly turn though as Thing one and Thing Two trap our heroes in the cave.. as i’ts flooding. Scrooge has them press on in hopes of finding a way out, and it rises further and furthe ran excenelty tense scene. But eventually our heroes manage to find somewhere safe in time: the shipwrecked boat with all the gold. Scrooge even puts on a nifty golden conquestador’s helmet. 

Naturally since we have minutes left in the episode the bad guys show up and have a gun... they never had before. 

Regardless our heroes are lowered into the lifeboat at gunpoint as the ship goes out to sea and i’ts revealed el captain worked on teh ship as he knows the full manifest.

However both villians personal flaws end up doing them in: Glomgold’s need to gloat means he gives Scrooge a golden coin as he mocks him about winning the bet... only for El Captain to fly into an insane rage demanding he swim out and get it despite just how LITTLE he really needs the coin. He and Glomgold struggle over the ships canon, both no longer needing the other and eventually fire off a ball that capsizes the ship. El Captian seemingly drowns while Glomgold is forced onto the life boat with the McDucks.. and finds out he lost as while he and Scrooge both lost the treasure the coin he tossed scrooge means Scrooge still has made more money. So Glomgold prepares to eat his hat and El Captian prepares for vengance and to get his gold back. 

Final Thoughts on Wronguay in Ronguay: The iffy bit with the store clerk aside.. this episdoe is easily the best 87 Episode i’ve seen.  It captures the spirit of barks perfectly with plenty of intresting twists that kept me engaged the whole time, some great jokes, and two great villians who are done in soley by their own greed and neurosusi> it’s really great stuff and what I expected more and remember more from the 87 Series: top notch adventure in the barks style but wiht it’s own unique touches. While the pilot was a bit rough due to all the ground it tried to cover, this episode, now having the basic formula of the series pretty much set, is allowed to just be a fun, daring adventure story that brilliantly builds off the last episode but can be wholly enjoyed on it’s own. Hopefully this momentum keeps because I don’t remember being the fondest of the next two episodes.. and given that content warning I think we’re in for a rough time next month. 

If you liked htis join my patreon, etc etc, I went into that mor eup top. Till All Are One, See you at the next Rainbow. 

[kannra21]

This time I watched Fugou Keiji Balance: Unlimited for real, meaning that all this knowledge I gained about that series from the previous time was just facts coming from different posts on Tumblr. And I got to know a lot about it thanks to you. You guys were a big help in figuring out some of the series' most important aspects, I appreciate your input on it.

Now that I’ve watched both episodes. I’m going to comment on some things I haven’t seen people talking much about, I’ll try giving it some highlight so I hope you enjoy.

1) The millionaire detective *or smtng more than that*-

Many expect the main character of the series to present himself in a way that he says his name and what he does for life, to give us an insight into who he is and to give us a better idea of what to expect of the series. But instead, the first episode opens with "I had a father and I had a mother", the series opens with a tragic story and tells us about the rich person's unfortunate life. Why's that? It's very important for Daisuke's character. Because, as we go through the series, the author probably predicted that audience would start judging him according to the way he treats people and work, just like Kato always does. The author tries to warn us not to judge a book by its covers. That's why it is so important that the beginning of the series opens this way.

2) Daisuke's and Kato's teamwork-

Daisuke, being a highly classified detective, knows his rights and what he can and can not do, which he exploits a great deal. He can damage people's vehicles and traffic control but he doesn't care, bc he's a detective and bc the law is on his side. He's using this same knowledge to reach his goal faster without wasting time on things that aren't that important, which means, morally or ethically important. Emotions like insecurity, guilt and regret aren't welcomed in this job. Sensitivity to other people's needs before yours are also irrelevant. Traumatizing a mother and a child from almost getting ran over isn't something that he'd preoccupy his mind with too much. He cares about the sufficiency of the mission and working in the favor of the government, as Ryo himself said.

Kato, on the other hand, is different. People come to him in the first place and the most important thing for him is to bring them peace and security, things that all police officers should actually have in mind. He is everything that Daisuke is not.

And when he told him "You're making quite the show here. How are you going to take responsibility for this?", we can notice that something clicked in Daisuke, that he told himself "ugh I went too far I should do something about it". And then he called HEUSC and told him to send reimbursements for DOUBLE the damage costs he caused for certain people. He also gave the Abura Emirate's seventh prince a billion yen when the car didn't even cost that much. So it’s evident that Daisuke does possess feelings like guilt, he just needs to be reminded of it.

The same goes for that scene when he tried to drop the vehicle into the river, Kato reached for the girl and told her to jump out. Daisuke doesn't care if she's a kid or if she's going to explode together with the van. It is important to him to save the rest + the kids are also considered criminals, he will take it upon himself to judge them as they actually deserved it. Kato, unlike him, can't let himself do that, he just can't. That's why he saved her and let her be with Hiroshi again. I love Kato for that.

Maybe Daisuke is a sufficient detective but Kato is there to remind him that the things he's doing aren't ok. He's giving him a sense of morality and ethics and that's why I think they're put together bc they make a great team. And they truly do, the problem is, Kato can't stand him. 😅

3) This funny moment-

I love how Kamei in the second episode found out ab the tragic death of some woman by going through one of his inappropriate sites and he's like: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Kato *annoyed bc he's as well judging him for his perverted ways and lack of devotion towards work*: "Shut up Kamei."

Kamei *big sad*: "It says she died from a drug overdose. That centerfold model Akiko Hoshida..."

Kato: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA??!! SERIOUSLY?"

Which leads me to the conclusion that:

Kato isn't that much different from Kamei.

Kato prefers only a specific type of women while Kamei drolls over every woman who looks even remotely pretty.

Kato has a type because the deceased centerfold model Akiko Hoshida and Suzue look very alike. Kato is also into "innocent" women bc he himself is innocent, as Akira stated. + He knows how to cook, refuses to drink alcoholic beverages during work hours and is actually pretty soft. Kato is more lovable than Daisuke in those aspects.

4) Kato's cluelessness-

Because of being so innocent, Kato doesn't have the ability to criticize others or judge "the way they breathe". He's too good, too considerate, too emphatic. That's why Daisuke's here to break his pretty picture of the world they're living in.

Kato was so easily deceived by the street performers and it was actually funny. Why would they do it otherwise than for money? No one wants to make an idiot out of themselves without a certain price.

He also thought of Suzue as one of them, the drug dealers I mean, acting as liaison. And it made me laugh so much bc he didn't know what's going to hit him. 😂

5) HEUSC-

I love HEUSC so much, this technology stuff is so lit, I wish I had it. It can detect lies, analize time, deduce certain information just from the help of a person's credit card, how much income they have, how much they lost over a couple of days, when and where, what were they buying. It can detect a person, personal information ab where they're from, age and date of birth. It also shows the person's heart rate. It can even work as a magnifier and control the traffic lights, isn't it crazy??

Daisuke's heart rate is always 60 during the whole interrogation. He's so freaking calm.

You also need to understand that Daisuke's session lasted longer than Cho-san's who used weak points such as family members and sense of right and wrong. Daisuke needed some time until their negotiation was done, he gave money to a drug addict in exchange for an information while Cho-san didn't lose anything, he could as well just deceive his suspect and get away with it.

Take into account that Daisuke went through a special training in England so his protocols are different from the normal Japanese ones.

6) Daisuke's jealousy-

Lmao Daisuke is stealing friends. He invited Akira to his own ramen during their Isezaki case.

He said "I can risk my life for Kato" and omg let me tell you, Daisuke became jealous so he made a move and even paid him to get into a costume to lure Kato and the rest of the hooligans to the top.

7) The elevator scene-

Kato standing in the middle of the elevator and Daisuke standing close to the corner as pinned as possible is what made my day. 😂

8) On the rooftop-

Daisuke's heart rate is 72 when shooting from a bazooka in the helicopter. Still too calm but I'd say that he's in a good physical condition considering that he's into boxing.

BTW he accidentally shoot towards Kato bc his target wasn't detected, it only wrote "primary target", he didn't do it on purpose.

But the sole thought of "stank needs to be eliminated" gets me every time. 😂

9) Daisuke joining the MCI-

Daisuke circled around the topic and refused to give the answer about why he decided to become a detective by redirecting the conversation towards Kato.

Let me tell you something, I watched too many crime series to know why he did that.

The reason is very personal.

And at the beginning of the whole anime he introduced himself to us with “I had a father and I had a mother”. I think he's trying to find the culprit for his parent's murder.

10) His lack of sleep-

Although he has lots of money, people like Daisuke tend to afford themselves a nice and cozy sleep. Despite that, Daisuke has as much under eyes as Kato. Which makes me wonder what keeps him awake at night, what's he thinking ab. Is he traumatized in a way? I can't wait for the next episodes to arrive!

Btw while watching the anime I fell in love with Kato even more, such a great character.

[bookworm-2692]

About a week ago I finally finished bookbinding @airdeari‘s beautiful Zero Escape fic The First Nonary Game. It took about a month (between all the waiting for glue to dry and also several days each week when I was unable to work on it), and was so much fun! It’s so satisfying to just... hold this book in my hands. 

Details about how I made it, along with additional photos (and commentary) below the cut.

So I came across this post on Tumblr, which immediately inspired me to try bookbinding myself. I spent a few days watching so many tutorials from the youtube channel linked in the post (I’ll link the specific tutorials I used in this post), and googling how to actually manage to print pages so they form proper signatures, because the inbuilt booklet creator in Word doesn’t exist in my Word apparently so that’s fun.

Anyway, once I started, I asked @airdeari for permission to print and bind his fic, and he immediately said yes, so that was good. Then I spent a good couple of days copying the entire fic into a Word document, and fiddling with formatting so it would look like an actual book (section breaks, page numbers, headers with the fic title on the left page and chapter title on the right page (this took ages to work and I kept on stuffing it up), and making sure things just... looked nice. I added in the art After The War that @keycrash created specifically for the fic (third pic above), and an “afterword” containing credit and links and the author’s notes from AO3 (because even if I’m the only one who will ever see it, it still feels weird to not add the credit stuff in so it’s there).

I then saved the document as a PDF, and used CheapImposter to correctly shuffle (impose, hence “imposter”) the pages so when folded into signatures, each page would be in the correct order. This program was the first free one I could find, and was great because you could specify the number of sheets you want per signature, rather than stuck with a default. I chose to have 11 signatures of 6 sheets of paper, since that was the amount that would have the least blank pages and the end of the book. The file was 261 pages, so with two pages per side, and two sides per sheet, you divide the number of pages by 4 to get 66 sheets of paper

I then printed. There was only one (1) paper jam in the process, which was great. Unfortunately, I realised after I printed that one of the headers for one chapter was wrong (I hadn’t properly disconnected the two chapters), but fortunately that only involved reprinting 4 sheets of paper.

I used the following tutorials to make the books: DIY Textblock, a general “how to make a textblock” tutorial; DIY Kettle Stitch, a specific look at the stitching for a textblock, since the first tutorial doesn’t focus on this; DIY Book Cloth, since I chose to use fabric for my cover; and DIY Hardcover Book, how to put all those pieces together.

So then I started folding all the signatures. I was watching so much Brooklyn Nine-Nine during both the folding and stitching sections, since it was repetitive actions I didn’t need to concentrate on that lasted hours.

It was at this point that I sliced each signature one by one to make the end smoother and less pointy. In future I recommend not doing it at this point - wait until the very end. Instead, move straight onto stitching. 

I don’t have any photos of the stitching portion, since my phone died the morning I started the stitching, and I wasn’t able to replace it until after all the stitching was done. In fact, originally all the photos from before the stitching were lost too. It was only about two days ago that magically the My Photo Stream thing kicked in and brought back all the photos - if it had worked two weeks earlier I would’ve had more. As it is, all photos from September to January are gone forever, unfortunately. But that’s another discussion entirely.

The above is the first book photo on my new phone, so as you can see, all the stitching was completed, the spine was glued, and the purple paper attached. I couldn’t buy two A4 sheets, so instead I had to buy one A3 sheet and cut it in half. Which was difficult cycling home from the city with an A3 sheet that didn’t fit in my bag on account of being A3 and not A4, but oh well.

I don’t have a book press, so I used a pile of DND books and my brother’s weights instead, as shown below.

I then had to re-slice the book after this point bc my first go wasn’t even, on account of slicing each signature separately. Next time definitely I’ll just do it at the end like this. I then also sanded it to make it smoother. It’s still not perfect, but it’s something that’ll take practice and patience so.

Next I made the book cloth, which involves using appliqué sheets to combine cotton fabric and tissue paper. But first I want to talk about the fabric I chose for the cover, because I’m quite proud of it. I spent ages wandering around the shop, trying to find something that fit the feel of the book. Spoilers for the content of the fic if you haven’t read it yet, and also for the source material (999/Zero Escape). I was thinking about some sort of blue swirl thing, because of the Gigantic sinking. I found that, but hesitated because it didn’t fully fit, and my favourite colour is blue so I always pick blue. I also considered flames/fire because of the incinerator thing, but couldn’t find any. I can’t remember if I just couldn’t find any four leaf clover fabric, or if I’ve just since thought about that as a cover. But instead I chose the butterflies below. They fit in several subtle ways that I’m proud of. The colours of blue and pink(/red) matching the receiver and transmitter coding all throughout 999, as well as the moments of purple as well (I don’t think I need to get into that, I’m sure it was analysed to hell and back when the game first came out). The butterflies also point towards the butterfly effect, and in turn the different timelines present in the series. So together it just works. /spoilers over

It’s also just a pretty fabric.

Now the making of the book cloth. I had to make it twice, because I was too impatient the first time, so the iron was too hot and it steamed, which wrinkled and warped the tissue paper, so the fabric was all wrinkly too. The second time took ages and was a worse quality appliqué sheet, but worked well enough anyway.

(My parents: did you have the iron out? what were you ironing? you never iron)

And then I cut the book board to size, using the measurements from the tutorial video. I’ll repeat them here: front and back cover: width = width of textblock minus 3mm, and height = height of textblock plus 6mm, and spine width = width of textblock spine, spine height = same height as covers

I then glued the board onto the book cloth, and put it under the book press. The dnd books are not large enough to cover the whole thing, and also I really wanted the board to stay flat and not curl, so I grabbed way more dnd books and way more of my brother’s weights. I also accidentally started putting the glue on the wrong side of the board (bc one side is smooth and the other is rough), hence the colour difference as well.

The corners were cut and folded and glued over...

And then the textblock was glued in, and put in my book press for a whole weekend. I added a sheet of paper to absorb the glue so the pages wouldn’t become wrinkly, but instead the sheet I added was fine and every other page in the book is wrinkly. So I dunno what happened there. After the weekend I took it out and looked at it, and then put it back for another week to be sure.

And then the complete book is shown at the top of the post!

As I was starting I was talking a lot about it, like about the process I had to go through, or how I was going to obtain what I needed, etc. Mum asked if she could read the story. I froze, like a deer in the headlights... because this is a fanfic. She saw my fear and immediately backed down, explaining she only wanted to read it because if the story was that important to me that I was going to literally turn it into a book, she wanted to read it to yknow like know me better or something? Which makes sense. And when I got over my initial reaction, and remembered that indeed it was technically my dad who introduced me to fanfic, and thought about it more, I said okay. Because since the fic is technically a prequel to the first game, and most of the characters are technically OC’s (like, from the first game we know that all eighteen children must exist, but most of them don’t have names or anything so they are effectively OC’s), then knowledge of source material isn’t strictly necessary. This fic can probably be enjoyed on its own. I mean I’ll probably have to explain the concept of morphogenetic fields, and the last four chapters might not make sense? But I’m okay for my mum to read it. So when she’s less busy at work I’m going to download the epub onto her phone for her - we’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, this fic is a masterpiece, extremely well written and I highly recommend it. As said, most of the characters are effectively OC’s, and yet they are all given such rich histories and personalities. All of them have access to the morphogenetic field, so I’m just so glad that @airdeari​ explores nine unique relationships with the field - nine unique sibling dynamics, and esper powers and abilities. It’s just so good.

[everygame]

Blaseball (Web) 

Developed/Published by: The Game Band Released: 20/07/2020 Completed: n/a Completion: Maxed everything in the shop. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Alright, if you’re here there are two options:

You already love Blaseball and just like reading about it.

You have no idea why people are obsessed with Blaseball.

Now, in the grand tradition of my article on Cinco Paus, because it turns out this tumblr shouldn’t just be about me finishing games and then complaining about how they failed me, I present:

Blaseball or: How You Learn To Stop Hating The Fact The Canadian Team Is Called The “Moist Talkers” And Love A Game That’s Usually Sold As A Communal Storytelling Experience (As Wank As That Sounds)

There’s a challenge here. Blaseball, once you’re in, makes you want to immediately gush about the cool things that are happening in the game, to tell the story of it, but unless you’re definitely tuned in to it, I think it can be somewhat alienating. Like here’s what I want to say, right?

That after the Raptors went out of the NBA playoffs I stopped caring (this is not entirely true; I stopped after the Nuggets put the Clippers out because spite/the lols) and was kind of looking for something else to obsess over in a not-too-active fashion. You see, what kind of got me into sports, as much as learning to enjoy the actual games, is the… theorycrafting? I might be using the term wrong. But it’s looking at the schedules and thinking, “ok, if they beat them, then they’re here, but if they get beat, then they might struggle there” or “trading X player for Y would be the best move… will we do it? Can we do it?”

It’s part of the reason why this year’s NBA bubble was such a success--they created a play-in situation for a group of teams on the edge of the playoffs, and then even though I don’t really care about any of the teams involved, there was so much drama, and so many ways for things to go, that you could spend ages just thinking about how X thing had to happen for Y thing to occur and then get excited if it happened or have to recalculate.

So: Blaseball. It is, ostensibly, a game in which you gamble on baseball blaseball games. I mean for the most part, I will be clear with you, that is it. It’s a game where you make bets and use your winnings to increase your ability to make bigger bets. It’s not even a particularly effortful example of this. There’s no clicker mechanics outside of one involving peanuts that turned out not to do anything, and all games are pretty clearly given odds so you can mostly fire and forget.

However. The thing you have to do with blaseball is actually the thing I have to do with a sport: pick a team and care. It’s not a baseball blaseball betting sim. It’s a sport fan experience. I say experience, not sim, because you will not be pretending to be a fan. You will be a fan, and if it’s for a made up team, who cares? 

I think for a lot of people (the kind of nerds who play this kind of game) that’s a novel experience and I think that for people like me (who like sports) there’s an immediate sense that people are being ironic. You know; “blaseball” doesn’t feel that far from saying “sportsball” and I can’t guarantee that a lot of folk aren’t enjoying it… wrong. But then I also feel like people enjoy actual sports wrong so fuck it (I’d just warn you that if you go hard and join the discord--which is kind of necessary--you might find some people… annoying).

So you might think I’ve just described a few things at cross purposes there: I said you’ve got to be a fan for this to work, but then I also said that the NBA bubble succeeded because it made me care about teams I didn’t care about because of theorycrafting. Well, not exactly: what I’m saying is that in this game you’re going to need one (the ability to be a fan) to make the other pop.

I’m lucky here, because I’m Canadian (among other things) immediately and violently defending the one Canadian team in the thing is instant. I don’t need to put any effort in. I’ve never been the kind of guy who could just pick any team because I like the look of them, maybe you are or maybe you’re actually going to have to live in Charleston to want to support the Shoe Thieves, but let me say: if you are not American, the only correct decision is to support the Moist Talkers despite their terrible name (that I have come to terms with.)

Anyway, now I’ve given you the background, let me explain what happened last season to my team.

During a game, an legendary undead pitcher swapped places with our worst pitcher before, in another game, swapping places with a dog who used to be owned by one of our previous players. Then our fans started a campaign to make sure our best pitcher, who was trapped inside a peanut, would be idolised enough that they’d meet the “Monitor” a huge squid god, which most people assumed would kill them. At the end of the season, the squid cracked open our pitcher’s peanut shell, chose not to eat them and as a result saved them from the end of the post-season, where a vengeful peanut god turned all the players trapped in peanut shells (or, uh, who had Peanut in their name) into an evil team who then played the season champions in a RPG battle-style blaseball game (with hit points and everything) and cursed them. Then, at the end of the season blessings were handed out and thanks to having our best pitcher and receiving and absurd four blessings (including one which increased the size of one of our batters and one that gave a player a fishing net) we were suddenly one of the best teams in the league… with the danger that we might actually win the next season and be forced to fight the peanut god.

Now, as I said above, there’s a fair chance that seemed like absolute drivel to you. And even if it is exciting, I think the most important thing to do is to scroll back up and look at the screenshots and remember that the game doesn’t really have any graphics. Blaseball games occur in a tiny window with a diamond graphic, and so it’s a bit like watching just the corner of the screen in a baseball game. It is not particularly entertaining to watch games (although you can learn how to be captivated by it anyway). The game also, despite not being anything, can take up a massive amount of mental real-estate because you’re going to be checking in on it every hour of almost every day even though all you’re doing each time is clicking ten things and checking scores. It’s probably much too much, and it gets worse when you start to engage with the discord, because as a fan you really have to co-ordinate how to vote for blessings to make sure your team is always improving and you’re raising money for a good reason.

Alright, by this point it’s almost sounding like I’m trying to talk you out of getting into it, and I *do* recommend you don’t sicken yourself of it too quickly by checking it all the time. But most importantly I sort of glossed over what the genius aspect of Blaseball is: that being a fan has a weird, roundabout effect on how well your team does, and that reflects the fact that being a sports fan is not passive. When you watch a game you’re somehow putting everything into it even though you can’t affect anything. It’s why you spend all that time theorycrafting. Here, you, as a group, pool the votes you’ve spent all week raising money for and try and make your team what you want it to be. You don’t get to change what’s going on in a game like it’s Twitch Plays Baseball, or something. That wouldn’t be a fan. In Blaseball, instead, what you do is you try and make your dreams real via collective wishing. It’s only the slightest step up from just being a fan of a real team, and it gets to the heart of the communal experience of being a fan.

If I was the NBA, the NFL or very specifically the MLB I would 100% be looking at Blaseball and how to learn from it. I think there’s a crass version of it--imagine fans of teams in the NBA bubble could have voted to like… make sure their team got the nicest hotel rooms, or nicer meals or something--but giving fans a way to boost their team (outside of the brute force of their psychic power in a home game) by, I don’t know, checking into an app or otherwise engaging is a truly interesting (and honestly kind of disturbing, for people who hate the implications for tracking) concept.

Anyway. Try Blaseball! Pick a team, bet based on the odds, invest in snake oil, idol the best pitcher every game you check, but don’t check too much (and invest in the pitcher pendants, once you’re maxed buy votes and join the discord to find out what your team is voting for/get involved in the conversation. That’s it. But it’s pretty cool.

Will I ever play it again? I mean, it still feels a bit rich to say I’m playing this but I’m invested at least until the Moist Talkers win a season. Which could be this season. I’m really interested to see how much The Game Band expand this, too--I can think of a lot of ways that fans/players can be ever more empowered, but I’m interested in how carefully they could destroy the balance, and so many ways this could simply be more entertaining to look at and engage with (I mean the fact that you have to go to external sites for things like future schedules is kind of wack imho.)

Final Thought: There’s a ton of other stuff people like about this game--making up stories about the players, who they are, drawing them--and the nice thing is I don’t give a flying fuck about any of that and I don’t really have to. You can completely ignore the wiki’s fanfiction if you like and just deal with the reality of the game and how you personally react to it. Or you can really get into it and care about it way more than what’s actually happening on the field. I don’t care, I’m not your dad.

Even if I did just spend a long time shouting at you about sports.