#and don't think he's an abusive monster
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gonna be honest besties a big part of why rook/solas annoys me as a concept is that i'm literally just petty! i did not live through an actual real life decade of people criticizing solavellan for being "toxic," "manipulative," "demeaning," etc. etc. only for a new crowd to come along and act like a different ship dynamic with solas that is actually literally canonically all of those things and more? has more chemistry? and is somehow superior because there's no "false pretense?"
like i'm not your dad do whatever you want peace and love and light and honestly mad respect if you like rook/solas explicitly in a toxic mess, "they make each other worse" sort of way. that's fun! it's certainly entertaining to play around with solas as a character in that direction because he makes for an incredibly charismatic bastard. i get it! or if you just prefer rook/solas's enemies to lovers type dynamic over solavellan's "she could save him if he'd only just let her" vibe and it feels more empowering to you that's understandable! but i can't read another "i never really liked solas/got solavellan but he has soooo much more chemistry with rook" (while he's manipulating them as a pawn and literally never respects them) "than he did with lavellan/inky because he lied to them" ass take i can't do it.
#madelyn rambles#this got away from me a bit lol#i'm trying to be fair and balahnced you see#i can't be annoyed that people don't 'get' solavellan#while not making an earnest attempt to see why people like shipping solas with rook#it's not and will never be for me lol#not JUST because i'm petty#the dynamic just does not work for me romantically at all#esp compared to solavellan#but yeah honestly tbh it's primarily because i am in fact petty#also!#it's just annoying to me that any criticism of rook/solas#is just attributed to jealous solavellans#like no there's plenty of reasons it might not appeal to someone lol#it just stands out more with solavellans bc they actually like solas#and don't think he's an abusive monster#so seeing a ship dynamic that leans into that just straight up isn't appealing for most of them
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"the Gabe and Sally dynamic in the show is abusive" and "the way they've portrayed Gabe in the show is distinctly different from his book counterpart and fans can criticize that" are two discussions that can coexist
#I understand that this is hard topic to navigate#but me saying that /they've changed Gabe and that's consequently altered the dynamic he has with Sally in way I don't like/#is NOT me saying I don't think what they've portrayed onscreen is non-abusive#or that I WANT to see him abuse her???#its just the guy in the show while clearly controlling and abusive (emotionally and financially so far)#...I don't believe he's the guy who's presence was so horrid and disgusting MONSTERS avoided him#I wouldn't call him /Smelly/#in the book his abuse (all forms) is much more overt#(and just to be painstakingly clear: abuse doesn't have to be overt to be abuse)#but the guy in the show does not have the same presence as the guy in the book#book Gabe is menacing#he growls and he threatens and both Sally and Percy have developed very specific responses to deal with it#I've seen one take saying that people can't recognize the abuse in the show because its not physical (yet?)#but even disregarding the physical abuse entirely#if you compare the book scene and TV show scene of Percy arriving home and he and Sally readying for Montauk#there is a pretty stark difference in tone#and in how both Sally and Percy interact with Gabe#in the book Sally goes out of her way to avoid /provoking/ Gabe and asks Percy to do the same until they can leave for Montauk#and Gabe is just itching for any excuse to keep them home#and imo if Book Sally had said the things that show Sally did to Gabe#Gabe wouldn't have let them gone!#and again im not saying that the show's depiction is nonabusive#or unrealistic#im saying its simply /different/ than the book#and im upset that it doesn't feel like dynamic depicted the book#and no book sally is no simpering wilting flower#but she's also not what they depicted in the show either#pjo adaptation#sally jackson#pjo
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tbh it is incredible how compelling bingge and shen jiu are considering they're characters who ceased to exist as soon as the novel began
#svsss#they're so fascinating to me....#the way the cycle of abuse plays out between them#that post about characters who don't deal with their trauma#whose trauma makes them mean and hateful and unpleasant#that's shen jiu#his trauma and abuse turned him into a monster#and then he turned around and did the same thing to binghe#turning him into the monster that would ultimately kill him#he is the monster shen jiu created#the way they parallel each other is so fascinating to me#people who were kicked and beaten and unloved#and the moment they got some power they took violent revenge on the people who hurt them#they used a pile of bodies to climb to the top#but it wasn't fulfilling once they got there#they were still hollow and hateful and unloved#ough. augh. coughs up blood#thinks about the bingge extra and the shen jiu extra and has to go lie down for a while#AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN THE GODDAMN MAIN NOVEL#i mean bingge is for one (1) extremely graphic scene#but shen jiu is fucking dead and gone the moment shen yuan appears#and yet they're SO complex and compelling#because of how they haunt the narrative#and how they are the ugly shadows that trail behind our main characters
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it'll never not rub me the wrong way when people use Eggman as a mouthpiece for any kind of moral activism lol because like
he's a villain and those tend to be evil y'know
#he's canonically an abusive sxist genocidal fascist terroist who kidnaps annd tries to kill children#he doesn't need to be like me and share my beliefs and be a good person for me to like him#he's a character made to entertain and entertainment doesn't equal endorsement irl#I don't need to pretend he's super morally pure and based and an excuse for liking him#he's an asshole he's a monster he represents the fucked up parts of humanity#anyway saw that post of an Eggman rp acc pretending Eggman is more respectful towards women than Bowser lol#I'd say he's worse#Idk I don't think Bowser held a girl at gunpoint and expected girls to be weak but feel free to correct#dr. eggman#eggman#dr eggman#dr robotnik#sonic the hedgehog#my post#eggman is evil
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Harpy mickrin AU yay! Sorta loosely set in Aatom87's harpy & zookeeper AU- Rin is a sooty owl and Mickbell is a cockatiel. You know how parrots are...
The zoo keeps them in the same enclosure out of lack of funds to try and fix behavioral issues. Rin was being too self-isolating and Mickbell was starting shit with other harpies and bonded with zookeeper Kuro instead, which is unhealthy, so they put them in a side enclosure to bond together and assigned Kabru to it instead. Thus they are forced to have enrichment together.
Kabru has it tough since they both act like they hate him, except one is only a tsundere act lol. Mickbell like "huh?? You stealing my cagemate punk?? Wanna fight??" and he's not even wrong lol. Tiny bird very angry very aggressive, cue Kabru getting scratched every day... Kabru leaving their enclosure after a whole showdown of cockatiel Mick screaming scratching biting inflicting him little wounds and then Mick goes right back to "I'm just a little guy"ing @ Rin. Keep going buddy i'm sure... one day...... you'll win her over and make her laugh. Or something.
Although hmmm Kabru hating monsters would mean he wouldn't work there in the first place. Maybe.... He's there undercover to investigate the zoos for corruption or animal-monster abuse or smth... And the injured Mithrun harpy is evidence that he has to take under his wing ba dum tss <- this is how my AUs get out of control
I love Mickbell's stiff paintbrush of a ponytail swag so much
#here's how kurokabu can win: Kabru is the newbie so Kuro shows him the ropes n they do study sessions n the birdies are jealous#similar to marchil one is closed off and the other is off the rails and they think they'll be a great way to get eachother to level out.#mickrin#mickbell tomas#rinsha fana#dunmeshi fanart#Mick keeps tweet tweeting at her because he's bored but she remains stoic and unmoving not paying him any mind#bc she knows he just wants attention- and he knows & notices that too so he instead he orchestrates a fake injury#and cries out sadly in pain and suddenly she rushes to him. Cue shit eating grin from him when she realizes she's been had#Enrichment i told you#Chirping “who's a pretty bird” at her and she thinks he's just repeating the keeper's phrases but he's trying to say it TO her#Bc Rin can never believe she'd actually ever receive genuine romantic interest so it must be fake#Mickrin coalition to break up kurokabu. Call it the zookeeper dependency club#Rin is just black darker than the night that screams don't approach me but there's just this bright yellow pea sticking to her harassing#Jk they're the hater duo besties#Dungeon meshi#Kuro really had to be convinced separation was best for mickbell..... omgg maybe he has the name bc he loves a bell toy that'd be cute#It is 11 pm you hear a small bell being jostled at alarming speed. He is bored#Fun mickrin fact of the day: mickbell is shameless (though prideful) and Rin has toxic masculinity#/hj#Kabru prob is doing the job out of security worries like monsters being anle to escape- but seeing that the problem#is actually abuse makes him start to empathize more
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I've been thinking a lot about Loki and Frigga these days, I don't think she's an evil, manipulative monster like some people but I do think she's a very flawed mother, from what we see in the movies she's very quick to justify and sugarcoat Odin's actions, Yes there's a deleted scene where she confronts him about Thor's banishment but it was deleted for a reason, in the movie itself we see her telling Loki that "there's always a purpose to everything your father does", she's always defending him, never her sons and that tells us a lot about the kind of mother she is, idk if it's bc she puts her position as queen above her position as a mother but she always stand by Odin's side no matter what.
Ofc we know she asks Odin not to kill Loki in tdw but that's just the bare minimum she could do, she always does everything thinking about pleasing Odin above all, she goes visiting Loki as a illusion, in secret to not anger her husband, when Loki is going through the trauma of finding out the truth about his adoption she never acknowledges any responsability for what she and Odin did, she justifies his lies agian by saying he lied to protect Loki
She doesn't acknowledge Loki's pain or his right to be angry at them, she tells him he's their son as if that's enough to heal his wounds, she doesn't ask for forgiveness and doesn't offer Loki any comfort bc her husband was taking a nap and she had to stay by his side at all seconds, it doesn't matter that her son had his whole sense of identity stripped away from him, holding Odin's hand was way more important than giving Loki a hug or anything else
I think at some moment Loki realized that she cared more about being Odin's queen than being their mother bc she'd never stand up for her sons and defend them from the abuses Odin put them through, she just kept justifying it bc she wouldn't dare going against her king, it must've hurt for Loki, realizing that he was truly all by himself in Asgard, he couldn't count on his own mother to publicly defend him from the humiliations he undoubtedly suffered, she would just sneak into his chambers and whisper some words of encouragement privately but when in public he was entirely on his own and he knew it
That's why I care more about Loki reuniting with his friends/found family than him going to New Asgard or to Asgard in the past, I have no doubts that he loves his family with his whole heart and he wants to see them again but I love the new family he built for himself in the show, he has Mobius who will defend him with everything he has and will be his emotional support, validating his feelings and genuinely listening to him, he NEVER felt like he belonged in Asgard but in the show he finally found his place, he found the people he belonged to (as stated by the crew) and he fought to save them for hundreds of years so there's no way I'd want him to leave his new home for him to go back to the place where he was mistreated, belittled and mocked just for being who he was, I want him to stay in the place where feels free to be his true self thank you very much
(Ofc that doesn't mean I don't want him and Thor to reunite again, I just think it's best for him to stay with the people he chose to be his family)
#loki#loki series#loki meta#Mobius#Frigga#Frigga tries her best as long as she doesn't anger her husband and I think Loki deserves better than this#I don't think this makes her a monster but it does make her VERY flawed#like she's not the perfect mother the fandom paints her to be but she's also not the Most Evil Monster Ever#she's complex and I think she places her place as Odin's queen above all else#a truly good mother would have protected her sons from Odin's abuse instead of enabling it#all this to say that Loki deserves better#tva family#loki build his little found family and i'm so proud of him for it#let him be with the people he chose and who he feels comfortable with#even if he went back to asgard eith his new mentality that wouldn't change the way his people view him#it also wouldn't change how Odin views and treats him and ofc the asgardians would treat Loki in the same way their king does#it has always been like this imo#Odin treats Loki like trash so ofc the asgardians feel free to treat him the same#he needs to be protected from that toxic enviroment#he suffered enough#let him be happy for god's sake#Odin is a trash bag#Odin#anyway just let Loki be with his found family bc he loves them so much#he deserves it
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hm. i actually really like cazador (<my last words before getting executed)
#rena.txt#LIKE. yes he's done terrible things etc etc you don't need me to go into specifics here everyone knows it#but i do like the whole narrative arc and the unbroken cycle of abuse that leads to astarion having the choice to break or be part of it#and i like the moral bankruptcy of vampires and i like how cazador was 'raised' into a monster by vellioth and how his teachings#still follow cazador and live past him as he does the same to his spawns#like vellioth making cazador pay for rebelling with an ELEVEN years long impalement vs astarion being entombed alone for a whole year#left in the dark and to starve bc he refused to bring cazador a victim........yea. the patterns i'm seeing them in my brain#what can i say yes i like a character for his terrible actions no i don't think a character always needs a sad heartbreaking past to#like their terrible vile self. sometimes characters are evil bc they are and that's it and it's okay to find them interesting#(<you can tell i'm scared to he hunted for sport for this. it's tumblr after all)
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last post i'll make about this because thinking too much about this case is legit bad for my mental health but anyway, while I think that the article I reblogged is an important read, I also think it's genuinely insane that the author chose to interrupt her description of a brutal rape to be all "now of course if this had happened in the context of actual BDSM it would have been completely ok UwU" like what????? Imagine describing someone being violently jumped on the street and feeling the need to start by reminding your readers that if it had been two professional boxers on a ring it would have been just fine, like what the fuck was the reason for that??
#when and why did we as a society became so terrified of offending the kinksters?#i'm sorry but if you recognize your own sex life in the description of a violent rape and get all offended by it that's on you#i don't think you should face legal repercussion if both or all parties truly consented (and i mean *truly* which is not just saying yes)#but why do we need to coddle people who engage in violent sex and rape play all the time? like legit why did it became such a priority?#i also really question the relevance on talking about gaiman upbringing in scientology tbh#like yeah realistically he was mostly abused when he was a child growing up in a cult that's well known for being abusive#but he himself never spoke about it (at least publically?) and like...#call me an evil skeptical monster but what palmer describes of him hinting to it sounds more like manipulative bs than anything#and i don't consider palmer to be a credible source anyway so like...yeah#i guess the editors or whoever agree with me on this point because the whole scientology thing was apparently cut from the version..#..behind a paywall#so yeah#anyway i'm gonna stop talking about that because i've legit been triggered as hell about this shit the entire day#not exactly how i wanted to spend my tuesday but eh it is what it is#next thing i'll reblog is probably gonna be some godfather post or a silly meme or some shit#i just very much need a palate cleanser after all that#rape cw#abuse cw#sa mention#sa tw#rape mention
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who needs access to healthcare when you can distract yourself from your problems by going insane about the characters
#this post is brought to you by my mouth ACHING#but i can't afford to see a dentist so. i'm thinking about mcshep#specifically john getting off on rodney hurting him and rodney HATING himself for it#just. the absolute horror that he's hurting john. abusing him. becoming as horrible and terrible as everyone has told him#feeling like a monster#meanwhile john is oblivious and feeling regular amounts of happiness for the first time in his life#disaster gays i love them so fuckimg much#i don't have money to fix my health but at least i'm good at ignoring my problems!#my mouth hurts so much#ignore this#personal rambles#mcshep#john and rodney#kinda stargate
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I’ve always assumed that gaster and the dreamers had a parental relationship, considering that he seemed pretty young (teenager) when they took him in, plus it’s kinda implied that gaster had a abusive or at least neglectful childhood so it makes sense that he would want to view asgore and torial as parental figures.What do you think?
Also sorry about pestering you about fell!Handplates but it’s such a fun au. But how do you think gaster first reacted when the dreamers started becoming cruel?
Yup! Generally speaking I view Gaster as having a mostly parental/filial relationship with the Dreemurrs, and that evolving into a (mostly) platonic family dynamic, though it is kind of complicated with Asgore being his King and boss and Toriel disappearing and them grieving her together - I think it brought them closer, and not necessarily in only healthy ways ♪
Haha, I don't really mind, but I can only give my own thoughts and opinions on it! Some of it is stuff I'd also like to know haha ♫
I kind of assumed they were Fell from the beginning, that the argument is that Monsters are just Like That, it's in their Nature, and Fellplates!Gaster is trying to find proof that Monsters are capable of change, that with the "correct" kind of Nurture, they don't have to act on their Fell impulses. As for when he was inspired to start looking for that, hmmm ♪
#UT#Handplates#Fellplates#I have my own headcanons about Gaster and how he views relationships but that's really neither here nor there lol#Cough cough queerplatonic Gaster cough what#Me? Projecting on my faves? I would never#Also remember: Neglect /is/ a form of abuse - just because it wasn't physical doesn't mean it's less impactful#This is more of a PSA lol - love yous#Gaster's internalized - well everything really lol - definitely points to him having a very skewed view on his own intrinsic value#The Dreemurrs tried to course-correct! And they definitely helped!! But those moments ah#I was looking through the Handplates gallery the other day and Asgore smothering Gaster into a hug hhh </3#''It's all I'm good for'' No shut up ;;#I'm also kind of fascinated by Gaster's growth over such a long period of time - since they're all Boss Monsters he's Very old#But he's younger than the Dreemurrs! Makes me wonder how much Boss Monsters ''mature'' once they stop aging#As for Fellplates hehe it's true I don't mind but I'm still just another fan of it hehe ♪ I know as much as the next person!#Probably less actually since like I said I never really got into Underfell proper lol#It is very fun to think about tho ♥ At some point I'd like to return to Healing now that I've properly read all of Handplates#I had some new ideas ♪ All in due time!#As you can tell I'm a bit on Helix at the moment lol - taking a small bite of every little fixation as they go round and round lol
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#personal vent incoming to just get off my chest don't be weird about it#i've known since i was a kid that my dad was overtly abusive but#just in the last 3-5 months i've learned my mom was and currently is almost just as abusive#but she's just covert about it instead#all of my adolescence was about surviving my dad who was so obviously a monster that he was almost easier to deal w in a way by comparison#this is. what an utter mind fuck#there's also like. no member of my family that i can turn to for help#bc they're either just as bad or my mother has ruined any relationship i might have w them over time#and i also fear being a burden#so i'm making a plan to get out but god it's overwhelming thinking about doing it all alone#and the thought that it might take years to actually get out or get healthy#she's kept me isolated from any support for so long#and im afraid any family that could possibly help wouldn't fully understand or they would be just as bad as her#and it feels impossible to progress at all bc im living w her and literally filed as her dependent on taxes#like ik this is gonna be the hardest thing to escape in my life and i've already escaped a lot#but this time i have to largely on my own#is v scary#and she's conditioned me to believe that i can't make any right decisions on my own without her#and that anything i do is always 'backwards'#makes it that much harder to make a clear plan#her work schedule is so inconsistent that it makes getting therapy online (since i don't have a license or car yet) nearly impossible#to do it without her or my brother listening#that i've just felt trapped for years#but. i can Tell i'm getting better now and rapidly. more than i've been for a v long time#so the process is just beginning and i think even she can tell#which is also dangerous#but ik i can do this its just the amount of time and effort and organizing behind her back and doing it alone thats v overwhelming#but anyway#we stay silly
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just saw a thing on pinterest that said that getou sucks as a villain, imagine being so wrong, couldn't be me
#getou is the best villain because he's obscenely empathetic due to his cursed energy#hes a dude who can see monsters who grew up thinking the strong must always protect the weak#he entered a school where he got to do that but also learned that people in power who can make change don't because of shitty reasons#while people who he could connect with on a deeper level who haven't done anything but exist get abused#he watched a girl prepare herself as a sacrifice to protect the weak and then get murdered before she could because her death paid well#hes angry and he deserves to be. he deserves to be selfish and decide that he's done letting the people he cares about be sacrificed#he wants to live in a world where his people are safe where arent groomed into weapons to save people who can't appreciate the sacrifice#getou suguru#meta#thoughts#hes making the biggest change to save the most people he cares about with the power he has#since the people who have the power to do it differently. wont
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#My little sister is an asshole- dad was warned by mom when she was like 14 and he did nothing by mom of all people#she's callous-hurtful-abusive-underhanded-crass-and somehow draws people to her despite giving the aura of “toxic”#He was asking me if I liked the new car-I said no because she was in it- that she didn't bother meeting my eyes nor greeting me#Only reason she was driving was to rub it in that “daddy loves me the best- look at my car he bought me”#It has taken every ounce of restraint I have to not look at her son and tell him every beating I've taken because of and on her behalf#But that is between me and her until it isn't- I hated being pitted against my parents even when they were being vile#Dad's excuse for letting it all happen is that he wasn't the one in the crosshairs cuz somehow that negates the EVIL she did to us#I have been made aware of TWO other instances besides mine of her literally trying to get someone to off themselves- unforgivable#Makes me wonder if she has gotten away with it before and is chasing that high again- I'd like to think not but I am not discounting my gut#I really wish that at least one adult in my life had given a fuck about how we were going to end up- one emotionally mature adult#Then! Dad tried to defend himself about pulling a gun on her ex- like taking a dog was worth a fucking life- give me a break asshole#If you cared at fucking all about the kid you wouldn't have immediately sided with the monster just because of shared blood#But hey- I'm the one that needs to inherit the shitshow from him- if I outlive him- Kinda hope the universe is spiteful and lets me off 1st#Is having a place to get away from this so I don't have to rely on them so much to ask for? I don't want their affection anymore#I really want out of this family- I don't even want to help the kids anymore- does that make me selfish?- I don't know#I have been trying to talk to babysis about any of this given our small bond- but it's so gd fleeting- we're all terminally lonely people#I long for a place I have never been- people I haven't met- warmth I've never known. spirituality has nothing for me#neither does the mundane#Let me get this story out of my head and hands and we'll circle back to the topic of escape. I just want to sleep now- so I'll do just that
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Adding these tags by @box-dwelling bc they're correct. MVK cares for Franziska but not enough to avoid saddling her with Issues (tm)
i am as usual having Von Karma family thoughts. Manfred loves his daughter and takes her out for pancakes and brags about her to his coworkers and read her silly stories as a kid but when faced with directing his attention towards her or the perfect revenge that is Miles Edgeworth, he chooses the latter. His whole Thing is that his selfishness and pettiness subsumes every other aspect of his life. He let DL6 poison and consume him until it rotted away all his other relationships. It's about the deterioration over time! It's about loving things and hurting them anyway! Franziska grows up but he's stuck in the past and he can never be what she needs him to be as long as he refuses to let it go!! It's not that Manfred wants to hurt Franziska, it's not that he hates her, it's just that he hates the Edgeworths more than he will ever love her!!
#i am a huge fan of the 'MVK loved his kid but was also an abusive piece of shit' hc. he's good at multitasking#i say kid and not kids bc idk what the fuck was happening between him and edgeworth#he clearly didn't like him but he wasn't a complete monster all the time i think?#one of these days I'll actually just write out all of my von karma family thoughts#but it'll be sooooo long#anyway.#i don't think he gave Franziska those issues on purpose but he still did it. Oopsie!#reblog#mod vex
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/89318a069b784de587a971e563174477/52837609f07287ef-f4/s540x810/5b403702b377f4c39f2421ff65fa3eb3adb542e1.jpg)
Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser
(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)
Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.
And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.
The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.
Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.
He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.
He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.
And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.
He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.
Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.
It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.
There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.
So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.
But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.
Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly
They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.
Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.
But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.
So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.
I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimcurly#jimcurl#jimmy x curly#curly x jimmy#tagging it as a ship bc I imply they have less than platonic feelings toward each other#No guy implies that his boy best friend is his home and he's his unless the two are in love#They love each other#it's an abusive and toxic codependent relationship#but what they feel for each other is genuine#anyway#Typical Mouthwashing trigger/content warnings obviously
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god i seriously am never getting over That Scene in orv. kim dokja has so little compassion for himself that the only thing he can think to do upon being confronted with the most powerless, frightened, vulnerable version of himself is to try and murder it with his own hands. even when everyone is sobbing and begging him to stop, even when everyone has already forgiven him without reservation, even when yoo motherfucking pilgrim of the apocalypse joonghyuk cannot muster any animosity, kdj will not stop trying to convince them this trembling little boy needs to die. it had been well established by that point that kdj is self destructive and self loathing, but he was good at maintaining some emotional distance from his actions. but the moment he steps off that train, recognizes his own drawings, realizes what's happened, that impassive veneer shatters and he becomes desperate and vicious. this man hates himself so much. seriously, can you imagine how it must have felt to be oldest dream? you're an abused, lonely, depressed child. profoundly alone in this world, betrayed by everyone you've ever loved. you are so frightened of everything you can't bear to live in reality. you meet yourself from the future, but even he has no sympathy for you. no, he hates you. he hates you so much he wants to kill you. he would point a broken sword at his own throat if it meant he could erase you. you don't know what you did wrong. you never do. all you can do is cower from the monster and hope he doesn't get you.
like it's so fucked up. orv is so fucked up.
#what if you were the villain of your own story. my god#and the way kdj goes back to pretending to be casual afterwards is also eerie. guy who can handle his feelings normally#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv spoilers#kim dokja#could seriously talk about this scene for days it's so fucked up in like 20 different ways#because imagine how horrible it must have been for kdj to have his vulnerability laid bare w nothing to hide behind. kdj of all people.
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