#and don't get me started on Miracle

[lady-corrine]

Thinking again about how Suzanne esentially subverted the "beloved famous man that is actually a horrible person in real life" with Finnick, who is the complete opposite of that.

Finnick has this whole image costructed around him by the people that abused him for years: the Capitol's darling, their golden boy, the sex symbol of Panem, the man that has countless lovers but leaves them constantly and doesn't look back etc. And you would expect, initially, to meet a man that retains at least a part of that persona in his day to day life. But Finnick doesn't, not even one bit.

You see instead a man that is deeply in love and completely devoted to the one woman he quite literally adores, a man that protects Mags, his old mentor and his mother figure, as much as he can, a man that wouldn't leave Johanna behind, a man that gathers whatever strenght he has left to speak publicly about the abuse inflicted upon him at the government's hands; the opposite of what the Capitol's media and reputation made him out to be.

[cosmicdreamgrl]

hyung line x mots on:e concept photobook shooting sketch for @epiphanytear ❤️

[ryllen]

by some extreme luck (which is, having a very competent co-worker) horrorboros & cohozuna managed to be taken down in a triumvirate session

[gxlden-angels]

I've had this account now for 5ish years now. I've been in therapy for years, not exclusively for religious trauma but it's a major part. I've gotten better. I have a lot of content here I could reflect on, but I don't think I want to. I like knowing I progressed. I don't like looking at what from. Usually religious trauma comes up in therapy as an "oh yea...." instead of by name now. It's indirect. Enmeshment. Parentification. Vaginismus. Scrupulous and Harm OCD. Alexithymia. Derealization and Depersonalization. Paranoia.

I'm like, a real adult now I guess. I have a bachelor's degree now. I walk this upcoming weekend. I live in a house and I'm renting out a room with my own money. It has a backyard my cat likes to run around in. I had a job interview in my chosen field today. It went well

Then I'll go back to my family for the weekend and I find out they're spiraling into AI generated christian conspiracy theory videos. Their pastor is preaching about Trump being the anti-christ, and any non-Trump or Conspiracy message is the same thing he's said for the past decade, sometimes word for word. My uncle is convinced he's a prophet. He tells a story about a girl that was paralyzed after not listening to his message. My grandfather is convinced us black people are the true Israelites and chosen people. I thought I was the only one medically neglected by my aunt who's a doctor. I was not. I show her my emotions chart app. She tells me it's good so I can recognize when I feel bad and remember Jesus's love until I'm happy again. It's not normal for your joints to pop out of place apparently. We all learned this at the same time. It's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. That explains a lot. My grandfather fell asleep to a video about the Ethiopian bible and how other bibles were made to take out miracles by Jesus and angels again. The remote is lodged in his hand so we can't change it

Then I talk about plants and food with my dad and my grandmother. My dad jokingly complains about his mom making him garden with her all day half a century ago. I give her a little kiss on her forehead before I go. My dad sends me home with leftover peach cobbler he made. I eat it with my lunch at my job. I answer phone calls at a front desk. I paid real taxes for the first time this year. I go to therapy and I talk about everything from my sex life to my graduate school plans to my opinions about generative AI (I hate it). I'm like, a real, breathing adult that has autonomy I guess. I'm not even claimed as a dependent anymore. I built my own desk that I bought from Big Lots.

You get where I'm going with this right? I'm not cured or healed by any means. Far from it in fact. I still get a pang of anxiety using the lord's name in vain and a chill down my spine when manifesting feels too close to confessing. It's harder making a personal post about religious trauma now though. It's not necessarily that I'm cured, it's just so engrained that I've created atheistic excuses to stay stuck in my religious trauma. I can pinpoint the source of it if I think about it long enough, so I don't think about it long enough

I'm not afraid to think lustful thoughts because holding lust in your heart is a sin, it's because I feel like a creep. I'm not worried I'll be sent to hell if I make mistakes that take me further from Jesus, I just think making mistakes would make me a bad person and an asshole. These beliefs popped out of nowhere, of course. They aren't influenced by the religious trauma so deeply buried in my head that taking it out would feel like taking out the gray matter of my brain itself. I'm schrodingers's man where I'm only a human when I'm observed. It used to be a deity but then it was you. I'm observed by you and that proved I'm human just long enough to get by when I most needed it. I still have that problem, but I'm seen outside of here. I see myself more often too

I don't want this post to seem like a good-bye, because it's not. I'm just currently in a period of limbo and I feel like the next generation of religious trauma bloggers are rising. I'm too busy arguing with my therapist about why I'm a bad person in a way that doesn't just boil down to "I'm a sinner in need of redemption" in a desperately-secular way. I'm self-aware enough to know that's what I'm doing, but not progressing enough to stop yet. I think what will happen is I'll eventually get frustrated enough to give up on the secular origins of my mental distress. I think a lot of you are in a similar place. You're out long enough that it feels like it should be over. You don't live in the bible-thumping, belt-wielding, gay-bashing, hellscape you once did. You might even be no-contact. You pay taxes now in your apartment. But it's not over. It's still there. It's just harder to say it's Jesus's fault I'm like this. It feels like it's been too long to still blame the bible.

It's not. It's buried in your synapses and neurons and muscles and bones and skin and hair and teeth and it's hard to remember that after 5 years. It's not oozing out into your bloodstream and filling you with enough cortisol and adrenaline to fuel an elephant anymore. It trickles though like a leaky faucet. I think I've lost the plot at this point, but you get it

Like I said, not a goodbye despite what it seems like. I just have to remember that a leaky faucet is still a concern

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

every time i rewatch the miracle aligner music video i am just flabbergasted. FLABBERGASTED. like. they really chose to make it like THAT. and by 'like THAT' i am specifically referring to:

1) “an attempt to extract the truth... approximately" *cue rosepetals and intense eye contact*

2) THIS being the opening shot of the two of them

3) miles legitimately spending the first minute of the entire video blatantly checking alex out

4) literal rainbow lighting around them

5) endless hand holding and twirling

6) that moment where miles's hand reaches ever so reflexively for alex's neck

7) the fucking closing scene?????????

[moe-broey]

IMMEDIATELY REPOSTING THIS BC THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE FOR ME. ALFONSE CÉLINE FRIENDSHIP REAL. TO ME‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[2well2water]

i'm going to be alone forever oh my god. band of horses voice: NO ONE'S GONNA LOVE YOU.

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Translated almost 4k words today 🎉🎉

[hannie-dul-set]

slams a fist on the desk.

[aspectpriority]

Y'know. I know I was really angry about not sorting out the warping tonight, but I gotta take a minute to appreciate the fact that I *started* the damn thing.

We've been sitting on this, wringing our hands and stressing and procrastinating over this for Weeks. We put off warping because we Knew it would be a nightmare. And it was! But we still Started it. And even if we messed up, and didn't get to finishing it tonight, for where we were at with it until now? That's huge progress actually. And I get to be proud of us for that.

[keeps-ache]

wink blink look !!

[ourceliumnetwork]

me, the symptoms experiencer, experiencing symptoms: wow gee i wonder what the fuck is happening right now i have no context for why i could possibly feel bad, surely i'm not experiencing symptoms. me, when i figure out it's the symptoms:

[gingerbreadmonsters]

its so important to me that you know how much ive already cried over this wip and its literally only been two days

[echthr0s]

weird mood of the day: having one (1) cup of coffee and experiencing what you suddenly realise is what it must be like to have a regulated nervous system

[sortanonymous]

I know expecting Congress to get anything right these days is like expecting to see a triple rainbow in the Arctic, but if we could just get sticky, scratchy, awful cardboard sleeves for physical media discs illegalized, that would just be lovely!

[holyviolence]

knitting and watching video game streams, gonna have some of my favorite soup that my mom made for me when i visited her today, didn't have to see my dad either! could not be having a better time. like i could go on. it's nice.