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ranger-rai · 2 years ago

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Sometimes a rangers gonna fight!

1. The Weather Trio, getting real tired of their constant natural disasters. They don't fight in just one location and even if they do, they can still affect areas very far away. If they wanna fight don't be surprised if others wanna get in on it.

2. While helping people is nice, there are so many people who are just rude, arrogant, or very disruptive and have no respect for nature. People who have ever been caught or consistently do stuff like this should have a consistent string of bad days, and they won't go away until they do something good for the the environment.

3. @professor-fanalia i could take you in a fight!

4. Rai has been bitten by so many things, but when he was a teen he definetly put his foot in a sleeping Mawile's jaw once, he left with a sprain but he lost the shoe.

5. Accidently gave Eddie a black eye when he was telling Minnie about a new movie he was excited about, got a little too worked up and punched him in the face.

6. Absolutely willing to take on the ghost type. They aren't too strong physically and there are a lot more ways to counter them, it's their powers that make them tricky. Also things like metal can affect them so weapons are a viable option. Fighting an Ursaring would be a very bad idea for Rai. Subduing one isn't impossible but hand to hand, he would be struggling.

7. Minnie, she would probably stab me or herself first. I'd imagine she'd get some pay out of this so I'd let her set the price, but it wouldn't be cheap thsts for sure.

8. Rai doesn't put condiments on his sandwiches. But when he does it's BBQ.

9. Skip might accidentally overcharge a device that Rai is using and it blows up on him or Sylvester takes a nap and rolls over on Rai.

10. Well, you meet a lot of troubling people when you work in public safety, so plenty of people have made that list. The first and worst, however, would be someone from Rai's teen years. This guy Ron, they used to hang out a lot, get into trouble, and just be kinda bad when Rai was going through it. Ron left Rai holding the bag on something, and it ended up getting him in trouble. They separated since, and Rai has kept tabs on him. He hasn't changed, and Rai just feels sorry for him, but he wouldn't hesitate to punch him in the face if he could.

11. There's a tape dispenser on my desk, it's got that sharp edge and a good weight to it so I guess some cutting and bashing with it.

12. A pink bottle of 91% alcohol spray. Burns like a MF and has a very "auspicious" shape to it.

13. You ever wanna chew on a wire? There's something about their texture that makes you wanna bite it.

14. Human-like Pokemon should eat off of plates! Also people need to chill out with these outrageous pizza toppings. Not only are people doing pineapple but I've seen other fruits and I'm gonna lose it.

15. My sister. Hope it gets on her documents in her briefcase and when she goes to a meeting they are all covered in it.

16. Well I'm not really into guys, but Crasher Wake is a really fun gym leader to work with, definitely a nice father figure that kids look up to, and I respect him. That's about as deep as it goes for me, haha.

17. Currently, a rock in my shoe.

18. Shiny pokemon are not that rare. It's because people keep catching them and showing them off that they are "more rare" in the wild. If you left more in the wild, the genetics that make them shiny would occur more, and we might even see more variations as well.

19. I'd absolutely go back to last week and take the last everything bagel at work, I was totally hungry but I left it because I thought someone else might want it. I'm pretty sure it got thrown out or half eaten.

20. Well, the least cool would simply be all the times I've been poisoned or attacked by pokemon. Nothing major happens regularly. I wouldn't really call it cool, but when my family's business exploded and left by back scarred from the flames. Unfortunately, I lost someone close to me from that when I was young. Coolest would be when I fought side by side with a Victini to free it and a bunch of captured pokemon that were about to be smuggled. Victini shared its power with me, and we managed to rescue everyone. Before that, however, I was on the verge of death and was ready to accept it.

21. If it wasn't for the fact that it is illegal, people who yell at kids aggressively, or teens who try and antagonize people because they know they can't fight back.

22. In a ball pit at a fast food joint. I am not a cop, but when I'm wearing my uniform people think I am, and sometimes I need to help with civil disturbances and some people just love to pick fights, the man jumped into the ball pit with his geodude who was pretty confused and started sinking into the plastic balls. Kuriboh, thankfully, was able to deal with the guy quickly, and he was detained by the actual police.

23. Runt, closely followed by Skip.

24. Rita...

25. I kinda have one, but if I could choose I'd pick portals and just scratch my back in the most perfect spots.

neils super cool pokéblr ask game ✨

legendary pkmn u most wanna kick the shit outta

you get 1 wish but only if u use it for spite. what is it

@ another user n start some beef

stupidest injury uve ever gotten

stupidest injury uve ever GIVEN

fight to the death 1-on-1 not a battle im talkin a FIGHT choose yr opponent: ursaring or ghost

whos yr best friend n how much money would it take for u to stab em (knife is complementary)

worst food crime uve committed

pick 1 of yr pkmn. whats the funniest way it could kill you rn

take a sec to consider ur shitlist. whos been on it the longest

object in arms reach thatd make the best impromptu weapon

object in arms reach thatd make the FUNNIEST impromptu weapon

most tempting forbidden food (revives soap pods lava that kinda thing)

dumbest hill ur willin to die on

u get an envelope fulla glitter. who u mailin that to

gym leader/e4 member/fuckin league guy idk what y'all have ur gayest for

what the fuck is yr problem

pkmn fact everyone else is wrongest abt

pettiest thing u would do w a time machine

rank all the times u almost died from coolest to least cool

bare minimum act of dipshittery that would provoke u to fistfight a stranger in a shopping mall

absolute dumbest place uve ever had a pkmn battle

which of yr pkmn has the fewest brain cells

which if yr pkmn is most likely to kill someone else for kicks

u get to pick 1 superpower. what is it and whats the dumbest thing u do w it

#ranger rai #pokemon ranger #ask meme #this was pretty fun #the ranger base #pokemon #ask me anything

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felassan · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age development insights from David Gaider - PART 1

This information came from DG on a recent SummerfallStudios Twitch stream where he gave developer commentary while Liam Esler played DAO, specifically the mage Origin. I transcribed it in case there’s anyone who can’t watch the stream (for example due to connection/tech limitations, data, time constraints, or personal accessibility reasons). A lot of it is centered on DAO, but there’s also insights into DA2 and DAI. Some of it is info which is known having been out there already, some of it is new, and all of it imo was really interesting! It leaps from topic to topic as it’s a transcript of a conversational format. It’s under a cut due to length.

Note on how future streams in this series are going to work: The streams are going to be every Friday night. Most likely, every week, they’re going to play DAO. Every second week it will be Liam and DG and they’ll be doing more of this developer commentary style/way of doing things, talking about how the game was made as they play through, covering quirks and quibbles etc. Every other week, it will be Liam and a guest playing a different campaign in DAO, and Liam will be talking with them about how DA changed their lives or led them into game development, to get other peoples’ thoughts on the series (as it’s now been like 10 years). Some of these guests we may know, some we won’t. When other DA devs are brought on, it’ll be in the DG sessions. They hope to have PW and Karin Weekes on at some point. Sometime they hope to have an episode where they spend the whole time going through the lore.

(Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6)

[wording and opinions DG’s, occasionally LE’s; paraphrased]

DAO’s development actually finished up around April 2009. They then put it on ice for around six months before release. Human Noble is DG’s favorite Origin. It’s one of the ones he wrote. He also wrote the Dalish Origin as well (Tamlen is his doing ;__;). DAO’s temp name during development was Chronicles. DG has never played any of the DA games after they were released. He played them pre-release loads of times, when they were half-broken or incomplete etc. This stream is his first time seeing everything played after completion.

NWN: Hordes of the Underdark was the first game where DG was a/the lead writer, in charge of other writers, as opposed to a senior writer. It was pretty well-received. In the fall of 2003, BW were just finishing up HotU when James Ohlen came to DG to talk. BW had been having issues during the development of NWN with the IP holder for D&D Wizards of the Coast, so they were interested in starting their own IPs that they would have ownership over (and also for financial reasons). JO said to DG that one of these new IPs would be fantasy and one would be sci-fi. He knew that DG was more fantasy-oriented, and so asked DG if he wanted to take this on. DG was down, and the first thing to figure out was what that fantasy IP was going to be.

JO gave DG an atlas of European history, which he still has, and said that he wanted him to make a fantasy world that is reminiscent of medieval Europe and reminiscent of D&D - “make it like D&D but not, file off the serial numbers really well”. This worked for DG because he was pretty familiar with D&D and there were also lots of things that he didn’t like about it and wanted to change. So DG went off and for the next six months worked on creating a setting, beginning with documentation and the map. This was kinda strange because they had no idea at that time what their story would be. JO was very interested in having a “genetically evil” enemy in the setting (like an equivalent to orcs). DG wasn’t a big fan of this and his initial go at the setting omitted this (i.e. darkspawn were not a thing) and was a lot more realistic. JO insisted on adding them later on.

This period of development wasn’t actually a good process. There were other people who were working on the project who were designing the combat side. Looking back, DG feels that they should have put their heads together a lot sooner. The combat designers had various ideas for various prestige classes and subclasses, and DG would be like “these are nowhere in the setting [lore]”. He tried his best to add a few of them after the fact, which is why we see things like DA’s version of the bard archetype. The combat designers and artists originally had a vision in mind of a game that was much more along the lines of the type of fantasy you’d find in the Conan the Barbarian world - bare-chested barbarians, sorceresses that show a lot of skin, a grimdark world with barbarian hordes. They were just assuming that’s what it was going to be. At this point in time DG had never thought, “Oh, maybe I’m responsible for communicating my ideas to them” - he’d never done this role before and was just told to go create the world. He created world-building documentation and would send out emails saying “I’m making this documentation, please go ahead and take a look”, not learning until later on that nobody outside of the writing team really likes reading such documentation. He learned tricks later on like making the docs more accessible, less dense and wordy, and overall easier to peruse.

There was no real ‘vision holder’ for DA. Mass Effect did a much better job of that. Casey Hudson was the project director and the vision holder for ME, and he had the power to enforce a set vision of what was and was not ME. ME therefore ended up having a bit more of a coherent vision. DG was in essence the vision holder for DA, but he didn’t really have the authority to enforce it on the artists. The DA teams ended up spending a good 3.5 - 4 years of the ~6 years of DAO dev time going in circles, not exactly sure what they were going to make, the various people working on it having different ideas of what ‘kind’ of fantasy they were going to make. The writing team were leaning towards LoTR; the artists were leaning towards Conan; at one point one of the project directors was leaning towards a point-and-click Diablo-style action adventure; and nobody was overriding anybody else.

The fans who hang out on the forums and in similar places have a very different idea about what kind of game they like and want to play versus the telemetry BW get from the public in general. As an example, fans on the forums tend towards playing non-humans and feeling that playing as a human is boring. Forum-polls reflected that, but BW’s general public-telemetry shows that around 75-80% of the playerbase played a human in DAO. Elves were at 15% and dwarves 5%. In contrast, in the core/forum-based fanbase, the human figure dropped down to 30%.

DG originally wanted Zevran to be a gay romance (he has talked about this before). He asked JO if he could do that pretty early on, thinking of Jade Empire which had same-gender romance options which were really popular. BW were surprised about that, and DG had no idea that the JE team were going to do this. For DAO, he had an idea for an assassin character. He had been reading about how the CIA and KGB would often recruit gay men to be their assassins, as they didn’t tend to have family ties. DG thought this was really interesting. JO was cool with the idea on a conceptual level, but thought that the work that would end up going into it would be better served if those characters could be romanced by both male and female PCs. Zevran and Leliana weren’t intended to be bi, they were “bi out of convenience”, but at the time these sorts of things (representation and such) didn’t enter into the equation as much as it does today. DG wrote Zevran in his head as being romanceable by men.

DG would ask the hair artists, “Why all the mullets?”, because he never understood that, and he’d get “a sort of shrug response”, and an indication that “it’s easier to model, I guess?” Having hair which is loose, in the face, in locks, coming over the shoulders etc wasn’t really supported at this point by the tech or the engine. Hence, they ended up with like five different versions of mullets. On the subject of the engine, for the first half of development they were using an upgraded version of the Aurora engine from NWN, and it was not good. Several years in they decided to switch. Trent Oster was in charge at the time of making a new proprietary BW engine. At the time it wasn’t ready yet, but the DA team decided to grab it, use it and hammer it into the DA engine. That engine had “so many little weird quirks”, like lighting on skin not working properly and looking bad, and one of the issues was hair. It was supposed to be BW’s proprietary engine but it really wasn’t optimized for RPGs and didn’t include a dialogue system. They had to custom-build the conversation system. (At the time Trent didn’t think BW should be doing RPGs anymore, which is a whole other story of its own). DG recalls programmers complaining about things in the engine that weren’t ready for ‘prime-time’. Even compared to games released concurrently, DAO’s graphics were a bit dated.

For the worldbuilding, they had an internal wiki and they kept everything on there. They ended up with a lot of legacy documentation on there very quickly. Eventually they solved this by hiring an editor whose sole job it was to wrangle the documentation. DG started work on the setting in the same manner in which he’d embark on starting a homebrew - ‘so like, first, here’s a map, oh, I like this name, vague ideas, a paragraph on each major nation, a rough timeline of the history, expanding, and it just growing from there’. After about six months, they brought on other writers, and by then he had around 50 pages of documentation. This 50 pages was a minute amount compared to the amount they had generated at the time of release. Originally, they weren’t sure where in the world specifically the story would take place, so DG made sure to seed potential and brewing conflicts throughout Thedas. They settled quite quickly on the new Blight starting in Ferelden. Once they established that, the writers went to town on taking Ferelden specifically and blowing it up detail-wise. Jennifer Hepler was in charge of the dwarves and Orzammar. Mary Kirby was on Fereldan customs and traditions.

The first version of the setting was more grounded in realism, almost like a post-fantasy. The dragons and griffons were extinct and a lot of the things that were thought to be fantastical were thought to be over with. During development, they started clawing these things back. They brought back dragons because the game was named Dragon Age (lol). DG was approached like, “Hey, we named the game DA, can you bring back dragons and weave them into the story more powerfully?” Wynne’s writer Sheryl Chee had a bit of an obsession with griffons and was often like ‘omg, griffons :D’, and this is the origin of Wynne’s dialogue with the Warden about griffons.

KotOR was the first time BW had tried to do a game that was fully voiced-over. For KotOR, BW sent the work of casting, direction and so on down to another studio in California called Technicolor. BW had little say in the process then and when they got it back, “it was what it was”. By the time they got to DA and the first ME, BW had a good system down for recording and VO had become an important thing in games at the time. BW are really one of the premieres for this, a lot of actors really like acting on BW games as they get a lot of space to act where they wouldn’t normally be able to do so otherwise. DG has learned a lot from Caroline Livingstone on how to encourage the best performance out of an actor. For DAO, DG worked together with the various lead designers and Caroline to decide on the auditions, casting etc. This was one of DG’s favorite things to do.

Gideon Emery as Fenris, GDL as Solas and Eve Myles as Merrill were times where DG had written the character and then went to Caroline and said “I have an actor in mind for them, can you check it out?” These were specific times where he was able to secure the actor he wanted. This didn’t always work out, for example there are times when actors aren’t interested or have no time due to scheduling conflicts or were too expensive etc. Eve and GDL were DG’s roommate Cori’s idea. Cori was a big fan of Torchwood/the actors from Torchwood, and worked as an editor at BW for a long time. Gideon was DG’s idea after playing FF12. For DAO, DG didn’t have any specific ideas in terms of actors. Casting Morrigan was the longest, most drawn out process.

The Circle went through a whooole process during worldbuilding. Initially, mages in the game weren’t supposed to have any “fighting magic”. The restrictions were originally such that in the lore, they didn’t teach mages that. Mages weren’t taught any magic that could kill people, only ‘indirect’ forms of magic that could support others. However, [during what sounds like] playtesting it was asked “Why can’t I cast a fireball? I just want to cast a fireball”, so the writers had to go back and rework how magic in the lore worked completely.

Flemeth was originally going to be voiced by Shohreh Aghdashloo, and she was totally on-board, but unfortunately because of DAO’s development delays, she was unable to attend the new recording time as she had a conflict in her schedule (she was filming House of Sand and Fog). Shoreh was quite disappointed about this and her family had been so excited that she was going to be in a video game. When the movie was finished, Shoreh came back to BW and let them know that she was still available, and this is how she ended up in ME2. For a while they were trying to find an actress with an accent that authentically mirrored Shoreh’s. Out of the blue around this time, Claudia Black’s agent sent BW an audition tape of her. At the time Claudia hadn’t done any games but wanted to get into it. The tape was of Claudia doing a beat poet rendition of Baby Got Back. DG still has this tape. DG was a big fan of Farscape and on listening to the tape, it clicked right away in his head that Claudia would be perfect for Morrigan.

The Fade ended up being a big irritation for the writers. They wanted the PC to be able to assume different forms and such while in there. A lot of this stuff proved too difficult for the combat designers to work out, and so it ended up getting changed a lot. They had a hard time coming up with gameplay that could work in the Fade. The mage Origin is DG’s least favorite of the Origin stories, as he’s really dubious about the Fade section in it. It didn’t work out like how they had pictured it in their heads. By the time they got to DAI, that’s when the Fade really looks like how the writers first described/envisioned it. By this point the artists were more keen to give it a more specific feel. DAO was made at a time when ‘brown is realistic’ was a prevailing thing in games dev.

The experience of a mage in the world isn’t represented or conveyed very well to the player when the player is a mage. The experience of the player when they’re playing a mage or have a mage in their party doesn’t really match up with how the world lore tells them how dangerous mages can be - for example, how they can lose control and so on, we never really have an example of a PC mage struggling with being taken over by a demon. This was originally supposed to be a subplot in DA2 for mage Hawkes, in one of the last cuts. In Act 2, mage Hawke was originally slowly being tricked by a demon in their head that they thought was real, only to realize at the last minute. Mouse the Pride demon in the mage Origin is the only time in the entire series that they really ever properly demonstrated how demons can fuck with [PC] mages. Also, PC templars were originally supposed to have a permanent lyrium addiction that they needed to ‘feed’, but this was scrapped as the system designers weren’t keen on it and felt that it was essentially handicapping the player.

Mages were originally also not supposed to be able to deal with pure lyrium (it would ‘overload’ them). There is a plot where mage PCs run around touching lyrium nodes to refill their mana bars. On this DG was like “Wtf is this?” The designers said that it works, and DG said “but it flies in the face of the lore”. This instance is an example of how the DA team was working where the various departments (writers, artists, designers etc) all had their own ideas about how the game and its world would work and never overrode each other (see above). DG feels that DAO is a little contradictory in that way. It’s only after the game came out that a lot of the people on the team really “bought into” what they’d put forward. This got easier as they went on, with people involved buying then into the things that make Dragon Age, Dragon Age. At one point, not everyone on the team was even aware of those things.

DG relates that originally, they would ask the artists, “Ok, can we get a village?” and said village once created would be quite generic and non-specific to DA. The writers would try to relate how things are in the DA world and list things that would be found in a village like this specific to the DA world, and the artists either didn’t read it or had their own ideas (DG isn’t sure which), and nobody was around to tell them not to do that and that they should do it differently. Everyone having their own ideas like this is why we ended up getting something that is this sort of “cobbled together half-Conan half-LotR mish-mash”, and after a while this sort of became DA’s “thing”.

Initially, BW had concepts drawn up for a lot more different creatures. After they went in circles for those years and consequently ran out of time to do all the models, they had to cut these concepts down more and more. Demons were among the ones that were the first to go (this is why we have situations like a bereskarn as the Sloth Demon in the mage Origin). The original concepts for things like spirits of Valor and Sloth demons were really good. Early on, JO made a list of D&D creatures that he liked. He picked the ones that they were thinking of doing, sent them to DG and said to make a “DA version of this”. For example, D&D succubi essentially became Desire Demons. Desire Demons were originally patterned off Sandman, neither male nor female yet really alluring, acting more like a genie and trying to ferret out mortals’ inner desires (which are not necessarily sexual in nature), without being overtly sexual. The artists’ version came back and that was basically the model seen in-game. The writers were like “What is this, this is nothing like the description?” and the artists responded that on the list from JO, it was included, in that you had to click on “succubus” to get to the Desire Demon description, so they had just read “succubus” and done their version of a succubus. The artists did loads of great work, but this was one of the instances were DG was like “???” By then, it was too late to change it. The writers were able to encourage them to make Desire Demons a little more fearsome, so that made it in at least.

The mage Origin was one of the more contentious Origin stories. It had like 4 different versions written of it over time. It was often the case that BW would hire someone, and writing an Origin story was their first test. Three different writers came in and wrote a version of the mage Origin and those versions just didn’t work. Finally they passed it to Sheryl Chee and she wrote it. The Origins were the parts of the game in general that were written/rewritten the most often. There were several others that got written that they discarded.

Duncan was slated for death from Day 1. When DG writes a story, the thing he does first is pick out the big emotional beats that he wants, such as deaths. He decides these ahead of time and the stuff in-between comes later and is more often changed. Oghren was also originally supposed to die, but this ended up getting cut. DG related a story of how Oghren came to be: At the time, there was a phase JO went through when he thought everything had a formula that it could be done by. One of these ‘creative forumulas’ was that all such IPs had a two-word name that they’re known by, such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Dragonlance (being Dragon-Lance). This is how ‘DA’ and ‘ME’ came to be. One of the formulas he wanted to implement was how to distill the ‘comedy character’, like Minsc or HK-47. These characters were very popular with the fans and JO was certain that there was a way to figure this out to create one for DA. At the time, DG argued with him a lot about this. JO insisted it could be done. DG was originally supposed to write this character but ended up not doing so. JO came up with a list of comedic archetypes and had DG write a blurb about what kind of character each could be. These were then sent out to the team who voted on which was their favorite. This process eventually resulted in an archetype basically called ‘The Buffoon’ (think Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin, the kind of guy people laugh at because he’s such an oaf).

At this point ‘The Buffoon’ wasn’t named or made a dwarf yet. JO came to DG to write him, but DG said there was a problem which is that he hates this archetype. Homer and Peter are characters that he despises. DG is a professional writer, but this was comedy (outside of his areas of strength), and he felt the best he would be able to do is write a character who makes fun of this archetype and lampshade that. Comedy is something that has to come from within the writer. Oghren was given to someone else, and he ended up getting rewritten again anyway. By the time they were working on Awakening, DAO had not yet come out, and the assumption prior to the game going out was that Oghren was still going to be the most popular character from among the followers. The comedic character that ended up being the most popular along these lines was Alistair, which was interesting as he wasn’t intended as a comedic character, “so shows what we know”. DG was dubious that Oghren was going to be popular, because “he was kind of pathetic, honestly”, but that was the thinking at the time. Thinking he would be well-loved is why he was in Awakening.

On Alistair, any character DG writes is going to be sarcastic. At the time DG had made it a sort of personal challenge to recreate Joss Whedon’s dialogue patterns in his characters. Alistair was a sort of mish-mash of Xander from Buffy and maybe Mal from Firefly. DG wanted to see if he could do it, so Alistair was kind of quippy and self-deprecating. DG never really considered this to be Alistair’s main personality feature, but when other writers wrote him, they often had him doing this, as they liked the trait so much, and so this is how Alistair ended up as he did.

On dwarves, the dwarves being cut off from the Fade is very much baked into who the dwarves are as a race. There’s a specific reason why. This has been hinted at so far and it’s likely to come up in the future. DG had various ideas for some things that he wanted to include with the races or the way the world works etc. Some of them ended up never happening or some are mentioned only as part of the lore (templar lyrium addiction never coming up in gameplay is an example of this). Dwarven history and the nature of the dwarves is one of the things that survived pretty well though. DG calls Jennifer Hepler “mistress of the dwarves” and says that she did a really detailed, amazing breakdown of their history. After Jennifer left it was Mary Kirby, and DG feels that they did a good job of maintaining how dwarves were, in terms of both how they’re often presented in fantasy and yet also quite different in DA. Orzammar is one of DG’s favorite plots all together. You can really tell that Jennifer Hepler really enjoyed the dwarves and brought a lot of love to that plot.

DG draws a distinction between DA fans and the unpleasant people who harassed Jennifer Hepler.

They managed to keep the Tranquil in. There was a while there where they were going to be cut. At the same time, DG regrets that they couldn’t solve the making of the player more aware of how mages are dangerous, thing. Players could make a cogent argument like “they’re not that dangerous, look at me [mage PC]” and the writers were like “well... yeah, that is fair”. It was a case of showing one thing and the player experience of it being another. DG feels that this made the templars come off worse than they are. DG feels that they are being massively unfair and too extreme in their approach to the problem, but the problem itself is a real thing. He feels that there’s some merit/truth in the argument that mages are oppressed, but he looks at it more like an issue like gun control rather than as treatment of oppressed people, saying that we don’t have an example in real life of oppressed people who can explode into demons and cast fireballs and so on.

There are some funny pronunciations that worked their way into DA, and the reason for a lot of them is as follows: the writers had to create a pronunciation guide for VO, because otherwise you end up with a lot of inconsistencies. (Some did still slip through). The guide was online, and if you clicked on a word, an audio file for it would play. Jennifer Hepler was in charge of this and did a great job, but has a really strong NY accent, and in some cases the ‘NY-ness’ of her pronunciation endearingly worked itself into things (the way Arlathan is sometimes said is an example of where this happened sometimes).

Sometimes the writers trying to communicate the “hotness” of a character to the artists didn’t go smoothly. The writers would sometimes say things like, ok, this character is a romance, they need to be hot, and the designs would come back looking “like Burt Reynolds”, and the writers would be like “???” And then a character that wasn’t particularly intended to be hot, as in that wasn’t mentioned at all in the descriptions of them, would come back “accidentally hot”, and the writers would be like “Why couldn’t you have done this when we were asking for a character that was meant to be hot”, and the artists would be like “What?? He’s not hot”. And this became a thing (lmao - this discussion was prompted by DG being asked “Was Duncan meant to be that hot?”, for context). Some of the artists were so paranoid about their [in]ability to judge actually-hot characters that when it was time to pick an appearance, like for Alistair, they gathered up all the women at BioWare, and DG (“resident gay”) into a room to show them an array of faces and bodies like “Is this hot? Is this hot?” DG and co would sit there like, “How can you not tell? Is this a straight man thing?!” Anyways, this is why oftentimes we ended up with characters who are accidentally hot.

Over time, the writers realized that the way they communicated to artists needed to be managed better. The words they would use would have different connotations to them the writers, than what they did to the artists. For example, for Anders’ design in DA2, he was supposed to be “a little haggard”. When DG thinks of haggard, he thinks ‘a little tired, mussed hair, looking like you’ve been through some shit’. But the artists based on that produced concepts with super sunken cheeks, looking like he’d been terribly starved. The writers needed to develop a specific vocabulary for communicating with the artists, as artists think in terms of how something looks, but writers are thinking in terms of what the character “is”. Anders’ description talked about his history a lot, and the one visual-type word that jumped out was “haggard” due to its visual connotations. “A lot it came down to the writers being up their/our own asses.”

When they got to DAI, they had figured out that the way to get best results on this front was /not/ to have the writer go off and develop a long description and pre-conceived notion of what the character looked like in their head. In such scenarios artists don’t feel that they have much to contribute to the process or an ability to put their own stamp on who this character is and make them interesting to them (the best, most interesting characters are when people at all stages of the pipeline properly get to feed into it). They learned that the better solution was to bring the artists in earlier, and to give them little blurbs, and not name the character but give them an ‘archetype’-sort of ‘name’. For example, Dorian was “the rockstar mage”, “cool”, “Freddie Mercury”. The writers wouldn’t be sure that a particular concept would ‘hit’, so at this stage they would offer an array of options and sit the artist down and walk them through the concepts. The artists would then provide a bunch of sketches and it would go back and forth, with both taking part in the character creation process together. For the first two games, the writers were “really hogging” this process to themselves. They got better at not doing this and better at communicating with the artists by DAI.

There were a lot of arguments about how mages in DAO had a lot of specific lore words like “Harrowing”, “phylactery”, “Rite of Tranquility” etc. There was concern that this would be too confusing for players to understand and that it was too complicated. DG says that thankfully he put his foot down and pushed for this stuff to be kept. A lot of fans assume that as lead writer DG had all this influence, way more influence than he could possibly exert on a team. He wasn’t even a lead, he was a sub-lead, under a lead designer. He only had so much say. If the lead designer or lead artist wanted to do something differently, often there was not much he could do. Hence he had to pick his battles carefully, choose the important ones to fight. The mage vocabulary thing was one of these.

Templar Greagoir’s name is pronounced “Gregor” and it comes from a place in Alberta near where DG lived.

Codex entries are usually one of the last things that get done in a project like this, and so all of that kind of textual lore comes in super late and is super punchy as by then the writers have written so much and are exhausted. They had to find a way to make this process cute or interesting or fun for themselves, which is why a lot of entries are quite fun to read. Sometimes a writer would make a joke for banter [irl], and it would end up making it into an entry.

Only Morrigan and Duncan got unique body models in DAO. The companions all have custom-morphed heads but not custom-morphed bodies (Morrigan not included here). This is why every model has a necklace or a collar right at the point where they had to be attached to be a body. These sometimes used assets that couldn’t be used by the PC but were not unique to that character. Duncan probably got a unique model because he was in a lot of marketing/promotional material. Qunari were originally conceived as having horns.

Most people didn’t even finish DAO once (public telemetry again here), only approximately 20-25% actually did. The devs try not to read too much into this kind of thing, but the telemetry does tell them where a lot of people stop playing the game permanently (they call these “drop-off points”). One of these points in DAO is the Fade during Broken Circle. Sometimes when people interpret this data they involve self-serving biases, but it was generally accepted that the Fade there was too long, too complex, not interesting enough, etc. [source]

[Part 2]

[Part 3]

[Part 4]

[Part 5]

[Part 6]

[‘Insights into DA dev from the Gamers For Groceries stream’ transcript]

#dragon age #bioware #morrigan #solas #video games #queen of my heart #mass effect #lgbtq #jade empire #fenris #the Fenaissance #alistair theirin #lul #fav warden

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choicesficwriterscreations · 4 years ago

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450 Followers: Meet The Writer

Hello there! We’re back with another Meet The Writer Q&A and it’s our pleasure to introduce a fellow Brazilian fanfic author for our ninth interview:

Blog: @julia-highstorms Name (or petname): Julia/Ju Birthday: July 9 Nationality: Brazilian 🇧🇷 Current residency: I'm one of the 12 million people living in São Paulo, Brazil Languages you speak: Brazilian Portuguese, English and a bit of Japanese Masterlist: Julia’s choices fanfiction masterlist

1. Is there a meaning behind your url name? Yes! For those who have been following me for a while, they already know that I used to change my URL according to the Choices character I was stanning at the time but it was a PAIN to fix all my fanfics links 😩 so I decided to finally create an unique URL that I wouldn't get tired of. So I mixed my two surnames together and it (basically) means Highstorms. I loved it 😌

2. When did you start playing Choices? What's the first book you played? 2017 I believe. TRR book 1 was about to debut. YEAH. It was the Freshman Book 1.

3. When did you decide to join Choices fandom? December 21 2017. ILITW was in its last chapters and I was obsessed with it. I wanted to talk about it with other people, but I didn't know anyone who also played Choices. So I found the fandom on Tumblr and decided to join. I miss all my friends I made back then and we all went nuts with ILITW finale together 😩 Good times

4. Go back to your archive and tell us what was your first post on your Choices blog was about. My first post was about how I loved ILITW and how everyone was fucked up sjddndossok also a lot of reblogs about MAKE NOAH AN LI 🗣️

5. How long have you been writing fanfiction? I started writing fanfictions in my senior year of high school, although I attempted to write my own stories when I was younger, around 12-13.

6. Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it or would you change anything about it? My first fanfic ever is about The Maine, it was my favorite band back then slfjdfodj but my first Choices fanfic is If Jane Was Here (ILITW told by Noah) Chapter 1. I AM SO PROUD OF IT. Of course, there are some things I would change. Like adding even more angst. Having finished writing it way sooner. But I'm super proud of it overall. My first (and so far only) Choices long series I've ever finished. Wow.

7. What are your favorite Choices books to write about? Definitely Open Heart just because of Bryce Lahela and Rei (my MC). OPH has become a mess, but I love Bryce too much. I loved the It Lives anthology too and enjoyed writing about. And I'm hyped for my upcoming Blades AU series!

8. What is your specialty as a fanfic writer? Oooh I guess it is rewriting certain scenes or events of the books or thinking about AUs. Since ILITW I have enjoyed doing this. Writing on another character's point of view of the events that have happened (the whole If Jane Was Here series, that is ILITW told by Noah's POV). Or adding some depth to a certain scene (did something like this with Julia, my ILB MC, and Tom's relationship. And with Rei and Bryce's). Or even rewriting the story to fit better with my MC's personality (Rei, OPH MC).

9. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised? When people say they like my MC's, Rei (OPH MC) and Luxia (Blades MC). Before, whenever I played Choices, I didn't care much about the MCs because they're all generic (which makes sense because we're the ones playing it). They're always the happy go lucky friend that tries to fix everyone's problems and every LI is in love with them. Boooooring. Rei was my first MC that I created a whole non-canon personality to her, and that's why she's my baby 🥺 and when people commented that they felt represented by Rei, that she felt more realistic than PB's usual MC, well, that was my peak as a writer lol so they're basically OC's, with their own personalities and temperaments.

10. Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them? I do, but I wish I could participate more often! The prompts are what I like the most, because they give me ideas that I'd have never thought to write about before.

11. Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing? Meg Cabot was my favorite author growing up and I read some of Sophie Kinsella’s books too, so probably my love for adding a bit of comedy, silly little things in my fanfics came from them. I love Jane Austen too. And last but not least, my flair for angst definitely came from reading Fruits Basket, my favorite manga ever. There’s so much angst in Furuba dodksdishd Takaya Natsuki-sensei really enjoys it. I recommend reading her other manga series, Twinkle Stars, too.

12. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Actually writing lmao. You know, taking the plot out of my mind and typing it down on Google Docs. Writing is hard, takes too much time and I'm lazy 😩 I wish I could just transfer my ideas to a document and it's done. No need to write, no need to revise, etc. I love the final product, but I hate the process.

13. Do you have any abandoned WIPs? What made you abandon them? A BUNCH OAJDSKDKD 🤦 Either because my inspiration to write it has faded or because I don't want to spend my whole time writing.

14. You’re applying for the fanfic writer of the year award. What five fanfics do you put in your portfolio? Oooooh great question! I must put:

If Jane Was Here - Alternative ending (ILITW): this is the only finale I accept sorrynotsorry

Too Little Too Late - Jax x MC (Bloodbound): I wanted to feel hurt. People cried. I loved it sclkdsdjsops

The Loudest One - Bryce x F!MC (Open Heart): I wrote this one for CFWC Kinktober! And honestly, this is the best smut scene I have written. I’m quite proud about it.

Satisfied - Jax x Lily (Bloodbound): it was fun writing for my crack ship! My babies. And the first smut scene I have ever written. I’m glad it was with these two. I still can’t get over the fact that either one of them dies in BB’s finale. I cannot accept skfjdpd

Lullaby - Tyril x Elf!F!MC (Blades): don’t get me wrong, I love Tyril and his goth lordling mysterious elf boy personality and the first time he and MC made out was HOT but… I missed a bit of clousure before, you know? It felt a bit sudden to me, so I wrote a couple of fanfics showing their growing interest and attraction towards one another. This one is a light cute one and I really like it.

15. Do you create original content aside from fanfiction (original stories, art, etc)? I sometimes draw some fanarts in which you can see by searching for #occasional drawings on my Tumblr.

Do you want to contribute with questions/ideas for the next Meet The Writer Q&A? Send us a message.

Thanks for reading! Reblog to share your appreciation for @julia-highstorms ❤️

#choices fic writers creations #cfwc meet the writer #450 followers #blades fanfic #bloodbound fanfic #it lives in the woods fanfic #open heart fanfic

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daisybeewrites · 3 years ago

Text

Academy Blues

avoi-dance!

word count: 3.7k

warnings: nightmares

ship: dousy (daisy johnson/daniel sousa)

ahahaha dousy is becoming a spark

Shaking.

Quaking.

Rubble falling.

Bones snapping.

Something dark on the floor.

He’s gone.

Daisy bolted upright, ribs expanding and contracting rapidly. The bed was shaking. A small cacti was on the floor, sand and pebbles thrown across the rug, pieces of the decorative pot shattered. She looked over at her clock.

2:14am. Great.

Daisy quickly rose, gathering her rug in one hand and a sweatshirt in the other. She walked down the hall, quiet as a mouse, still shaky.

Breathe, Daisy, She told herself.

She reached the bathroom without encountering anyone. She set the rug on the counter, gathering the tiny cactus and shaking it out of the soil.

“Ouch,” She inhaled sharply. Cacti are prickly.

The mirror rattled a bit as Daisy shook the sand and pebbles into the trash. She held back tears, the aftershocks of her nightmare hitting her.

A presence in the doorway caught her attention.

“Daisy? What’re you doin’?”

Jemma sounded like she had just woken up, her accented voice thick and scratchy with sleep.

Daisy opened her mouth to respond, but her voice cracked on the first syllable. Jemma’s eyes widened, registering the sight before her. She rushed over, enveloping Daisy in a tight hug. Jemma could feel Daisy’s chest racking with sobs. At least she could comfort her now, like she wasn’t allowed to before.

Jemma slowly pulled away as Daisy’s cries became quieter and less frequent. The small cacti was still resting on the counter, the rug discarded on the tiled floor.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jemma asked gently.

Daisy looked up, the rattling of the mirror lessening as she exhaled.

“I broke my cactus,” She sniffled, a few tears escaping as she stared at the broken succulent. She was really looking forward to watching this one grow.

Daisy shook her head, wiping her eyes with her sweatshirt sleeve. Silently, the pair picked up the rug and walked back to Daisy’s room. Daisy saved the small cacti, not quite able to just throw it in the trash. Jemma surveyed the furniture, making sure that nothing else had fallen. Her room was in its usual messy yet organized array. It made Jemma’s skin itch, but at least Daisy knew where everything was. Daisy collapsed onto her bed, pulling a fuzzy blanket around her shoulders.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Daisy thought for a moment, watching Jemma fidget with her fingers and rub her neck, noting her under eye circles and the sluggish way she smiled.

“I’m good,” Daisy said.

Jemma raised an eyebrow, tilting her head. “Are you sure? I don’t mind, really,” She offered.

Daisy nodded. “I promise, I’m good.”

Jemma hesitantly nodded, then left, softly closing the door behind her.

Daisy flopped backwards onto her pillows. She wasn't sleeping anytime soon.

Daisy woke at 9:36 later that day, her alarm buzzing softly and her phone screen lit with several missed calls from Elena and May.

7:04–May

Are you otw?

7:10–Yo-yo

daisy, you’re late

7:15–Missed call from May (2)

8:02–Yo-yo

may is pissed

get your best sorry ready

Daisy sighed. Fuck nightmares.

She had already missed half of second period, not that it wasn’t anything she didn’t already know how to do. Might as well take advantage of the empty canteen.

After speedily brushing her teeth and getting dressed, Daisy grabbed her backpack and headed out.

True to routine, the canteen was void of people, save for a group of fifth-years chatting in the corner. Daisy grabbed her usual cinnamon raisin bagel and coffee and found a spot near the back doors. If May came in, she would run. It was too early and Daisy was too tired to deal with May’s concern.

Daisy glanced up as the doors across the large hall opened again, almost spitting out her coffee at who walked in.

Ohmygodhe’scomingoverhere, don’t be an idiot!

“Hey, Danny Boy,” Daisy greeted. Smooth, very good start.

“Hey, Dais,” He said, morning voice rough and low. Daisy ignored the rising number on her biometer watch and quickly hid her hand under the table, resting on her bouncing knee.

She cocked an eyebrow. “Just getting up, are we?”

Daniel shrugged, “My alarm clock is broken, and I’m ahead in all my classes anyway. Missing one to trade for sleep won’t hurt me.”

“Aren’t you in May’s class, though? She hates when people skip,” Daisy asked.

Daniel thought this over for a second before responding, demeanor a tad sheepish. “I might have already asked for the notes for this week, everything she’s teaching today I’ve already been studying.”

Daisy smiled. Nerd.

“Well, in that case, would you care to join me in my avoidance of classes?”

Daniel checked his analog watch, second period was almost over. “Sure. My third is calculus, and all we do in there is textbook work anyway.”

Daisy stood up, stretching a bit. Daniel followed her out of the canteen, across the grounds, and around the girls’ dorms.

“Uh, Daisy, where exactly are we going?”

Daisy grinned. “Ever been on the roof, Sousa?”

Sousa looked up at the top of the building. “Are we allowed up there?”

Daisy furrowed her brows, responding with a noncommittal hum. Did he not want to go up there?

“To master the art of avoidance, you must be unpredictable. Go where no one will find you. Dance along the edge of expectations,” Daisy exclaimed dramatically. “That’s why it’s called avoi-dance. We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Daniel laughed, eyes smiling. “Ladies first,” He offered.

Daisy clambered onto the iron fire escape, waiting for Daniel on the first landing and giving him a hand. They started up the stairs together, wind blowing softly over their faces.

“So,” Daisy started when they reached the top, “This is it.”

Daniel watched as Daisy made a grand gesture, crouching down near an outlet to plug in the lights.

Putting on her best realtor voice, Daisy led Daniel around the space.

“In this corner we have a lovely, absolutely gorgeous three-hundred-sixty degree view of campus. Look! There are students in their natural habitat!

“And over here, we have a wonderful assortment of plants, both alive and barely clinging to life, just like most of the human inhabitants of the building!”

Daniel chuckled, nodding sagely. “Now, let’s talk money. What is the price per square foot, and how much are you suggesting as a down payment?”

Daisy’s grin faltered, not sure exactly what Sousa was talking about. Daniel’s smile grew wider at the slightly confused, completely adorable look on her face.

“Were you planning on getting work done?” Daniel asked.

Daisy shrugged, setting her backpack down and leaning against the low wall surrounding the edge of the roof. He joined her, sitting with one leg out and the other bent at his knee.

“It won’t take me long to finish this,” Daisy said, opening her laptop.

Daniel watched on as Daisy coded, taking mental notes of how her fingers glided over the keys, typing at a speed he could barely comprehend. She bit her bottom lip in concentration, pausing for a moment to assess her work, then continuing to circumvent the little red error messages that appeared at the top of her screen.

“How do you know what all that means?” Daniel asked. Daisy stopped typing for a moment to look over at him, tilting her head a bit.

“I guess I just picked it up pretty quick. When I was still living in my van, before Coulson found me, I had to make money somehow, so I started building codes and programs for people who needed it. They were definitely shady, and it got me into a couple tough spots, but I could always just move my van away, drive somewhere else.”

Daniel didn’t press for more information. Daisy seemed not to want to talk about it, as she turned back to her computer and let her hair fall into her face. A few minutes later, she pressed enter, and threw her hands up.

“Yes! Finally!”

Daniel peeked at her screen. Instead of a red error message, there was a small check at the top of her screen.

“So what exactly did you just do with the numbers and the symbol things?”

Daisy laughed lightly. “Sometimes SHIELD creates programs specifically for Academy students to hack into, so we can practice getting around firewalls and beating different layers of protection. At the end is usually some redacted file or just a blank document. Sometimes the Professors let the advanced students hack into companies and emails if they need help. It gives us ‘a wide range of practical experience.’”

Daniel scrunched his eyebrows, checking his watch. “So does it normally only take you fifteen minutes to complete assignments like this?”

Daisy smirked, “I don’t mean to brag, but yes. Most kids in my class can do it in forty-five, but I like to challenge myself.”

Daniel’s jaw dropped, amazed. “Wow. So in a couple years I’ll be doing that? I can keep up with CS 1, but that is…” He trailed off, not sure exactly how to describe it.

Daisy nodded, “It takes awhile to get used to, to understand. It’s like learning any other language, it helps if you start young, and I practically depended on coding for survival when I was in my teens. It gave me a huge leg up.”

Daniel let his gaze wander over Daisy’s face. She had a lot more to her than meets the eye. He looked into her eyes, finding her already staring at him, an intent look on her face. She opened her mouth to say somethi—

Briiiiiiiiiiing.

The bell cut her off. Daisy looked away quickly, cheeks tinted pink. Daniel made no move to get up, and neither did Daisy. They waited until it was over to speak again.

“I guess we should probably get going?”

Daisy agreed, standing up and reaching out a hand for Sousa to take. They walked back to campus together, parting ways to get to their classes.

Daisy passed by May’s room on her way to Physics, walking quickly and staring straight ahead.

“Daisy!”

Daisy stopped, walking backwards to stand in the open door of May’s classroom. No one was there but May.

Daisy slowly approached May down the rows of desks, smiling rather guiltily.

“Hey, May! How are you?” Daisy asked, voice an octave higher than normal. May had on her ‘Mom Face’, as Daisy called it, eyebrows slightly raised and lips pursed in a straight line.

“You know, leather jackets look great on you!” Daisy tried, picking at her nails, unable to maintain eye-contact without her chest constricting. May stayed silent.

Daisy dropped the cheery façade, sighing. This would get her nowhere.

“I’m sorry. I had a rough night and slept through my alarm. If it makes you feel better, I also missed my first three periods,” Daisy rushed out, exhaling sharply.

May sat back onto her desk, patting the space beside her.

“Call me next time,” May said, voice soft. “Asking for help isn’t weak, Daisy, and I don’t know how to help if you don’t tell me. I don’t have a class next period.”

Daisy nodded, a slight sting in her eyes. May continued, “You’ve had a rough year. I get it. But Daisy, running from those you love, who love you? It doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried. The only thing that will work is facing your fears head-on, and keep running at them until eventually they’re powerless. You need closure.”

Daisy rested her head on May’s shoulder, unable to look her in the eye.

“I’m sorry, May,” Daisy apologized, voice small.

May wrapped an arm around her in a side hug.

“You don’t need to apologize. Let’s go work out some problems, my way.”

In the canteen, Jemma and Fitz sat in their usual spot by the back windows, both munching on spaghetti and rolls.

“Fitz! Tell me you didn’t!”

Fitz looked up from where he was tinkering with a piece of tech that looked suspiciously like an ICER with a small cloaking device attached to the side.

“I didn’t,” He replied. He kept tinkering with the small gun until it made a loud pop! and shocked him.

“Ouch!” Fitz winced, promptly dropping the modified ICER on the table, empty cartridge bouncing onto the floor. He bent to pick it up, reassembling the tech and taking another bite of pasta.

“Have you figured out the problem?” Jemma asked.

Fitz rolled his eyes. “It’s not a problem, Jemma, it’s just that I, uh, I can’t get the…” Fitz paused, waggling his hands in the air as if he was grasping for the right word.

“The concentration? Weight? Bullets?” Jemma supplied.

“The bullets work! Non-lethal, heavy stopping power, break up under the subcutaneous tissue. Same ones from when we were working on The Bus. No, it’s the, um, the safety. It keeps going off without my permission,” Fitz finished.

Jemma took a bite of her roll. “Are you using one-hundred nano-liters of dendrotoxin like I suggested?”

Fitz nodded. “That’s in the bullets. This is just the design. I can’t figure out the balance, with the addition of cloaking, it’s thrown my whole design off.”

“Maybe Daisy has an idea? She’s listened to us ramble on for years, she’s actually used them.”

Fitz and Jemma looked around for Daisy. It was 6, dinner started at 5, and they always ate together.

“Usually she’s here by now,” Jemma frowned. The three of them had fallen into a comfortable routine, meeting at lunch and dinner and making plans to study after.

“There’s that guy she’s been hanging out with, er,” Fitz paused, snapping his fingers, “Sousa! Maybe he knows something,” Fitz pointed to where Sousa was eating a plate of chicken and rice near the entrance to the canteen.

“Are you going to go talk to him?”

Fitz looked back at Daniel, considering his options. On one hand, he had never talked to the guy. What if he said something wrong and made a bad first impression? On the other hand, Fitz needed to make sure Daisy was okay. They had a routine they had agreed to stick to, and if she was off routine, it meant something was wrong.

“Let’s go together,” Fitz half-suggested, half-asked.

Jemma nodded, getting up and walking with Fitz across the cafeteria to stand in front of Daniel.

“Hello,” Jemma started, “Have you seen Daisy lately? We’ve noticed the two of you together recently.”

Fitz stood slightly behind Jemma, fingers weaving themselves together.

Daniel took in the two of them, noticing Jemma’s thumb swiping nervously across her palm.

“Would you like to sit down?” Daniel offered.

“No, thank you, we’d really just like to find Daisy,” Fitz rushed out, looking slightly above Daniel’s eyes as he talked.

Daniel nodded. “Are you guys Fitzsimmons? Daisy talks about you a lot, I’m glad to finally meet you. But to answer your question, I haven’t seen her since third period. Is something wrong?”

Jemma sighed. “She had a bad nightmare last night, but when I left she said she was fine. I went to check on her this morning but she didn’t answer, I assumed she was out for a run.”

Daniel furrowed his brows. Daisy hadn’t mentioned a nightmare. “Is that why she was missing her morning classes?”

“She’s sleep deprived and has a tendency to entirely abandon routines if she doesn’t get off on the right foot. I bet she’s with May,” Jemma said, looking to Fitz for confirmation.

Fitz just nodded, staring at Jemma.

“Great,” Jemma clapped her hands, “Should we go find her?”

It took Daniel a moment to realize the question was directed at him. “Oh, uh, yes, sure,” He stammered, getting up and jogging a bit to catch up to Fitz and Jemma.

“Oof!” Daisy exclaimed. She and May had been sparring for the past couple hours. Hours. Daisy was absolutely exhausted. May was feeling fine.

From the mat, Daisy reached a hand up so May could pull her up. Instead of getting up, though, Daisy pulled hard, flipping May over. May rolled rather chunkily, ending in a position that was half-squatting, half-sitting.

Maybe she was a little more tired than she let on.

“Good one. Next time, roll with the flip, too. If your attacker is faster than you, you could’ve just given them a free shot.”

Daisy got up slowly, dusting herself off and extending a hand out to May.

“Truce?”

May nodded. Then Daisy’s world spun, and she was flat on her back.

“Ughh. I deserved that,” Daisy panted.

May smirked, staying on the floor with Daisy.

“Feel any better?”

Daisy shrugged. “I’ll at least sleep hard,” She said, still catching her breath.

“There you are! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Daisy lifted her head off the mat to see Jemma and Fitz walking into the gym. Daniel was behind them.

Daisy sat fully up, allowing Jemma to help her to her feet.

“Sorry guys. I should have called,” Daisy grimaced.

Fitz shrugged, “It’s okay, Dais, we got Daniel to, er, tag along with us. He was a good ‘replacement you’ for a while.”

Daisy looked over to Daniel, who was trying to hide a blush by clearing his throat and looking anywhere but Daisy.

Oh, right. She was wearing nothing but a sports bra and spandex training shorts.

Daisy walked over to the edge of the mat, stretching out her arms and grabbing her SHIELD sweatshirt, tugging it on.

“Thank you, guys, I appreciate the concern,” Daisy checked her watch, “You already ate dinner?”

Jemma and Fitz nodded.

“Okay, I’ll grab something with May and see you at the dorms?”

Fitz gave her a thumbs up and left, Jemma right behind him. May grabbed her water bottle, letting Daisy know that she’d be in the canteen.

“And then there were two,” Daisy laughed nervously, threading her fingers together and shifting from side to side.

Daniel smiled, “And then there were two.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over them.

“Thanks for hanging out with me this morning. You didn’t have to,” Daisy blurted.

Daniel shrugged, frowning, “I wanted to.”

Daisy turned away from Daniel, face heating up. He wanted to hang out with her?

Daisy bent to grab her gym bag. When she turned back around, Daniel was waiting for her.

“You can tell me, you know, if you’re having a rough go of it. I won’t judge,” He stated, calm and collected.

Daisy nodded, unsure how to respond. She rose up onto her tiptoes and rocked back, once, twice, three times before letting out a slow exhale.

“Have you eaten dinner?” She asked.

“Sorta. I was about to eat before I left with Fitz and Simmons,” He said.

“Well, you’re welcome to eat with me and May,” Daisy offered.

Daniel grinned.

“I’ll take your bag.”

They arrived a number of minutes later at the canteen, Daisy offering to take her bag every couple minutes and Daniel readjusting the black duffel on his shoulder, refusing.

May thought they were exceptionally cute.

“Took you long enough,” The short woman said, amusement lacing her words.

Daisy plopped into a seat before Daniel could pull one out.

“I’m gonna go get some grub, I’ll leave you ladies to it,” Daniel announced.

May raised an eyebrow at Daisy, whose face promptly went pink.

“He’s a dork,” She said, “He was awed by my CS homework.”

“Was it the homework, or was it you?”

May shot Daisy a very pointed look, to which Daisy rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.”

“He’s very square” May observed, watching him over Daisy’s shoulder.

Daniel came up behind her, holding a plate with a cinnamon raisin bagel in one hand and a plate of chicken and rice in the other.

“I didn’t know what else you’d like, but I felt bad for not grabbing you anything.”

May hid a laugh by clearing her throat. Daisy reached out to accept the bagel, avoiding eye contact with May.

After dinner, back at the dorm, Jemma and Daisy were sprawled out on Daisy’s bed. Jemma held her flashcards in her hand, quizzing herself while Daisy talked.

“May says I need ‘closure’, whatever that means. I thought I had closure. I went to his funeral. I hugged his sister!”

Jemma set her cards down, accepting that she wasn’t going to get any more studying done.

“But you don’t know what happened. You were being controlled, you weren’t here. Daisy, you’ve always needed answers. You’ve never been able to leave a problem alone if you didn’t have the full story.”

Daisy sighed. Jemma was right.

“Well… On to happier subjects. Tell me about the new marine bio elective. How’s that going?”

Daisy smiled softly as Jemma’s face lit up and her hands came up to flap excitedly. Jemma went off on several different tangents about the professor’s experiences as a wildlife photographer and the different coral reefs they were studying in class. Daisy tried to listen, really, she did, but she found herself stuck in her head, responding with passive hums and ‘yeah’s.

Eventually, Jemma seemed to run out of steam, her smile still wide and face slightly flushed from how she had been ranting about climate change’s effects on the world’s reefs.

“It’s 10. I’m going to head up to bed.”

Daisy nodded. She had a plan.

She walked with Jemma back down the hall to her room, bidding her a good night. Daisy got back to her room, breathing in the quiet, then settled onto her rug against her bed, laptop sat in front of her. Lines of code danced on the screen, the light from the computer highlighting her face.

“You have to do this. You need closure,” Daisy murmured.

Daisy sat up, stretching. She changed positions several times, finally landing upside down on her bed. She craned her neck to read her clock, 11:23. Last chance to turn back, you know the consequences. You could get kicked out of SHIELD. They won’t trust you anymore.

Daisy pressed enter.

#daisy johnson #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#dousy #daniel sousa #jemma simmons #leo fitz #fitzsimmons #philindaisy #aos fic #mama may #marvel #melinda may #phil coulson #ash writes

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0ghostwriter0 · 4 years ago

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Peaky Blinders Imagines

This is a bit random. This is not edited or proof read so please read and like if you want. Not tagging anyone for this as can be very sensitive.

Pairings: Thomas Shelby x Original Character (Lucille Hughes)

Warnings: Suicide but no major detail, emotions, violence, mention of affairs, swearing

The two meet for the first time when Shelbys chose to expand to south London. Lucille is the niece of Father Hughes so she’s uses to a different way to life.

Before the war, Lucille was abused by her father sexually and physically. His excuse was that he blamed his daughter for not being able to conceive another child after her birth. A fact that her mother had turned a blind eye to. During the war, Lucille was 14 when her father had left for the war and months later she would be orphaned following her fathers death in action which triggered her mother’s depression. By 1924, the 24 year old had been running the Hughes for 10 years. The Hughes were powerful business people but an even more powerful London based Gang. Much to the young Lucille’s dismay, the Hughes became notorious. Being the only person to hand during the war, it was her responsibility to control the legal and illegal business from going under. During the years of the war, Lucille face abuse and hardship from every angle. Much to her surprise, the uncle who comforted her sought out to abuse and rape her for many years before she claimed her full power in the Hughes during 1919. After which the young woman had prematurely aged in wisdom and became one of the most powerful gang leaders in London. After the Italians and Russians were run out of London by the Shelby’s, the young Hughes became a legend. The death of Father Hughes allowed Lucille to hide in the shadows and conduct her business as she saw fit. The once well known woman of society, started to decline from social events until she stop attending, the risk was too high to be left unguarded with socialites. As her power grew so did her lack of trust and rightly so.

By 1931, Lucille was reacquainted with Thomas Shelby. The two began their professional relationship but Lucille wanted an out. Thomas began to see a different side to Lucille that she tried to keep away from her work- the abused woman. Following his wife’s ultimatum, Mr Shelby kept Lizzie away from charity events in order to get closer to Lucille. But when Lizzie, got paranoid about Thomas sleeping with other women even though she said he could “sleep with another if they weren’t in their home and he hadn’t held his children’s hand the day prior”. The MP had been falling out of his marriage for years but for the sake of his children he would stay. One after noon, Lucille had received an invitation for a charity ball being held by the Shelby foundation. Such an invitation had not been received by Ms Hughes for quite sometime and with the added protection of the peaky blinders, Lucille chose to attend. The night was tedious. Lucille sipped on gin as she warmed up to the riches, even though she was also now a woman with money she felt out of place. After hours had passed, the near 31 year old started her goodbyes before meeting eye to eye with Thomas Shelby.

“I’ve heard that you’re making your great escape before the host can by such a beautiful lady a drink”

“Shouldn’t that woman be your dear wife”

“She neglected to join me tonight”

“Too bad she’s a lovely person to hold conversation”

“Not behind closed doors”

“I must be taking my leave Mr Shelby, I imagine the Monday meeting is still to go a head”

Thomas nodded and placed a kiss on the young woman’s cheek before escorting her to the door. Little to his knowledge, Lizzie had watched the encounter and after Thomas watched Lucille go, Lizzie confronted him.

“So that’s your new whore good to know she has no morals”

“What do you want Lizzie!”

“I want you to be mine, my husband not fucking whores”

“I’m not having this tonight Lizzie, there’s a room full of people waiting for me to go back out so just fucking leave it”

“So you are fucking her. Brilliant. I should have divorced you when I had the chance.”

“Divorce! You want a divorce, fine, I’ll give you one. Lizzie Stark you’re no longer my wife. You no longer have to worry about my business. Oh and that woman, the one that left, I haven’t fucked her”

In the days that followed, no one would have expected the events that unravelled.

It was the following Wednesday when Thomas Shelby proceeded to hand over the divorce papers as a man of his word. The past whore sat silently as she watched the Shelby walk away- walk out of her life. The peaky blinder was far from okay but would never let show the heartache he was suffering. His first wife died and haunts his days. His second, the woman who mothered Ruby and took care of his son, paranoid and divorced. He needed a friend, someone he could drink with and forget. Although, the only person he wanted to see was the lovely Lucille who always found a way to put him in his place.

Later that day, events occurred which no one could predict. Perhaps the only way you leave this family is through smoke clouds. It was around 11 when the Hughes meeting started.

“Now I know what you're going to all say so I'll say it for you. Why are we here? Well, it's come to my attention that over the years I've let things slip through the cracks. So if you're in this room, then you are one of the very few that hold my trust. I can count you all on two hands and I'm willing to cut off fingers. So I suggest you leave or prove that I chose correctly” she sat and waited for one of the rugged faces to stand an walk out on the Hughes for good.

“Right then, there's a file under your chairs. This information stays in the room. Any issues we sort them out now.”

They spent the next 2 hours editing and explain the lengths of the documents. It was 1:15 when Sophia, the Secretary, interrupted whilst stumbling through the door.

“Sophia, dear we're in the middle of a meeting, ” Lucille spoke softly while looking up from her hard oak desk. Although, after immediately meeting the gaze of the stumbling woman, Lucille nodded.

“There's a Lizzie to see you”

“Send her in, I'm sorry about the disruption this should only take a moment” Lucille nodded as she responded. Soon, a distraught sight of a woman entered the office.

“Mrs Selby, what-” her words caught off.

“You don't get to say that name, you whore.”

“Lizz-”

“Dont you fucking dare. He gave me these. I'm guessing your fucking doing!” Lizzie bellowed which shocked the room. Although, Lucilles attention was drawn to the divorce papers that fell on her desk.

“I knew you were fucking him behind my-”Lizzie was cut off by Lucille standing.

“Now I will stop you there, Ms Stark, I suggest you take a walk and return when you've calmed down. These papers have no reason to involve me, so please kindly leave”

“Im not leaving until you understand” as a gun was raise Lucille remained calm as she stood from her seat.

“Do you want to shoot me?” Lucille spoke softly as she gestured for the others in the room to hold their horses. Stepping around her desk, Lucille didn't hesitate to stand closer to Lizzie.

“As I see it you have two choices, stand here and shoot me or hand me the gun and go home.”

“I have no home. I've lost everything. So it's your turn.”

“You still have your daughter and your dignity so I suggest you hand me the gun or shoot me now” Lucille stepped closer.

In this moment, time started to freeze over.

From the corner of her eye, a man rose from his seat as Lizzie cocked her gun. Turning slowly, Lucille regretted taking her eye off of the distraught woman.

The next moments will haunt her for the rest of her life.

She felt the spatter before she heard the sound. One single shot. It wasn't the man she was now facing who had made that single shot. Trembling subtly, Lucille ran her fingers over the splatter of fluid that grazed her cheek. Her fears had been confirmed. Time stood still as the younger woman turned to the spot previously occupied by a broken woman. It was empty. Lucille refused to look down as the shocked faces confirmed what she needed to know.

Looking around the room, she planned the next step.

“In light of this sensitive event, I ask you all to hold your tongue on today’s events. Go home, kiss your other halves and I will converse with you when I am proficient.” she watchedas they all filtered out. Turning quickly,

“You ever try that again I will have your head. I was in control and you tried to be the alpha male. Today this is on me but next time it's on you. Now go.” she spoke harshly with a soft undertone as the burly man dropped his head and left like a stray dog.

The boss watched as the alpha male left and her heart dropped as Sophia started to head for the door.

“Sophia, dear I suggest you don't come in any further. Send for Mr Shelby, say nothing and take the rest of the week off. Inform the rest of the offices to leave for the week.” Sophia nodded and scurried away.

Fear filled her mind as she sunk on to the top of her desk before finally looking down. Lizzie Shelby had blown herself out. Yes Lucille was attracted to Thomas Shelby but knowing full well that Thomas was spoken for and a business partner of the Hughes. But now she had blood on her hands -her face- something she vowed never to do. She became everything her mother and father wanted except she wasn't a man.

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shattered-catalyst · 4 years ago

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Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

Whomst can write it?

Literally anyone as long as you

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here*

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD?

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective.

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD.

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it.

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD.

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts:

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far.

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples.

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought.

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions.

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them.

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form.

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain.

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain.

Again for clarity's sake

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything.

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks.

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered.

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience.

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object.

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds.

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful;

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses.

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that...

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars.

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity.

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture.

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ;

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD),

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment.

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations.

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses.

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that.

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety!

OCD according to NIMH statistics

1.2% Occurrence among US adults

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

Cyclops (Marvel)

#this took a lot of emotional energy and i am now terrified

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marshthat · 4 years ago

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My Jedi master Eeth Koth headcanons!

Eeth Koth has been my comfort charcter for quite a long time, and still is now (and I hope still will be in the future also, bc I cant imagine me existing without my love for Eeth anymore).

So, I've decided to share my most prominent master Koth headcanons that I've accumulated at this point

As promised, I'm posting only general ones, without any specific implied pairings or other relationships!

note: (due not so much info about Eeth in Canon and Legends (unforgivably little actually), maaaaybe I'm projecting some of my own mental stuff on him, but eh, this is unevitable I guess :)

Have fun reading these!

1. Change of the profile

In his youth, Eeth was a Jedi Guardian, a.k.a "Jedi-on-the-front-line", and carried a blue lightsaber. But after the death of his master, followed by him joining the High Council, Eeth calmed down his inner rambo and changed his profile to a Jedi Consular. And so he chose a path of a diplomat, built a green lightsaber (with a hilt very similar to his dead master's one, as a remembrance) and eventually became famous in the Jedi Order exactly for his ability to resolve conflicts peacefully. (that's why no big missions on his part before the Clone Wars era apart from his participation in the Yinchorri incident)

2. The acceptance issue

Eeth pays a lot of attention to his appearance: carefully brushes his hair, makes sure his clothing is perfect, and so on.

Some consider this a simple whim, but in fact this will to have an ideal appearance is a consequence of some issues Koth now has because of his difficult childhood. Due to the fact that Eeth spent his first four years as a ragged orphan in the filthy slums of Nar Shaddaa, he sometimes feels as if he doesn't deserve to be in such a clean and nice place as the Coruscant Jedi Temple. (And the fact that his membership in the Order at first caused a lot of controversy among the Council masters only worsened this fear)

That is why Eeth tries his best to always look as perfect as possible - to be suitable for the beauty of the Temple and to not feel himself a stranger in its walls.

3. Long meditation hours and self-reflecting

He does meditate on his issues quite often, in order to get rid of every irrational fear he has, like the one described in the previous headcanon. Usually he does that in the evening, after all the tasks are completed - he gives himself time to reflect on what happened during the day, what he did and said and how the others reacted. This does help, but still some thorns can be very hard to get out of his hearts. His favourite meditation place is his own quarters in the Temple, where he can have a nice view on the evening/night Coruscant, which is somehow more relaxing to him than the gardens in the Room of Thousand Fountains.

4. A little peek into the apartment

Eeth’s master-quarters in the Temple are decorated with effort and thought. The most significant part are the long heavy thick and soft curtains, that, if closed, take all the light in the room away, leaving the nice pleasant semidarkness atmoshphere. Also Eeth has a lot of various cushions around the whole apartment, along with an enormous supply of aroma candles!

5. The tragedy of the Padawan

Eeth's first and only Padawan learner was Sharad Hett.

Sharad's will to quit the Order deeply hurt Eeth, even if he didn't say that out loud, as he put a lot of effort and dedication in his promise to be the best master possible for Sharad. Also he lowkey agreed with the accusations of other masters telling him he was responsible for Sharad's departure because Koth failed as a teacher - so he does feel himself guilty of failing both Sharad and the Order.

After the Hett's incident, he actually vowed to himself not to take any more Padawan learners, so as not to let anyone's expectations down again. (And, like master Saesee Tiin, chose to put his efforts into other fields rather then teaching)

(these panels still hurt me somehow qwq

Sharad made Eeth cry, for kriffs sake!)

6. But he's still very friendly to kids

Despite the unpleasant exprienece with his own Padawan, he did let go of his initial frustration and now he is quite happy to give younglings and young padawans some general lessons! Also sometimes he takes other masters' students to group trainings or supervises them during the Trials of Knighthood. And young Jedi do love master Koth a lot - because he's soft and very patient, and does allow them some liberties :)

7. The social butterfly

Eeth is a "social butterfly" or a "caretaker" (ESFJ mbti-type)

He is used to being among a large number of people, but even though it seems that he gathers these people around him, in fact this is not true - his natural charm and outgoing personality allow him to easily make new acquaintances, interact with friends and encourage conversations, but he more follows his more assertive companions, adapts his behavior and words to them in order to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible, than directs them himself.

In other words, he offers the fun, but enjoys more the others' reactions to it, than the fun itself!

8. Sweet tooth!

Eeth LOVES sweet things! He generally likes all sorts of sweets, starting with various desserts and finishing with sugary tropic fruits. (Gaining weight? Naaah, the zabraks physiology allows him to consume a lot of food because of the higher metabolism due to the zabraks having two hearts. And also he does a lot of physical exercise in the training halls. So it's not a problem at all!)

9. And he is sweet himself too

This love for sugary things is not only for sweet treats actually, but also for the scents of cosmetics too! (And he does use a lot of that stuff). That is why Eeth usually smells of something nice, either caramel, or vanilla, or fruity etc.

This is often favorited by his colleagues on the Council, who definitely enjoy the pleasant aroma Eeth always brings with him to the Council meetings.

10. Energy drinks!

He got badly used to them during the Clone Wars era, because he really needed an additional energy resource when staying up all night brushing through various diplomatic documents and strategy plans. Caf wasn't much of a help because it just turned out to be not strong enough for the zabrak, so he eventually replaced it with cheap but more effective sweet energy drinks. It doesn't really matter to him which drinks to buy exactly, but the meiloorun-flavoured ones are among his favourites.

11. Form of lightsaber combat

Form III - Soresu!

I actually did a separate essay analyzing why Eeth’s form of combat is definitely Soresu, but if keeping brief: he uses Soresu mixed with some Ataru moves. Ataru was his initial style, advised by his master due to Eeth’s small complexion and natural agility & flexibility, but after changing his Jedi profile to a Consular he also adopted the main Consulars’ style - Soresu (usually called “the diplomat style”, “the most peaceful among the seven'' etc.). Koth’s Soresu moves can clearly be seen in the “Grievous Intrigue” episode in particular. Also Koth’s stance in the "Intrigue" is different from the famous Kenobi's "point-fingers" thingy simply because Eeth's pose is not an opening Soresu stance, but the brace-ready stance, which in Soresu is described as “having much in common with the "Ataru guard," with the hilt held at waist height on the dominant side in a two-handed grip for greater control, extended vertically upwards”

12. The double-bladed saber

Eeth wields a double-bladed saber almost as well as a regular one.

And in fact, it was Darth Maul who has inspired Eeth to try this kind of a weapon - after the High Council sent him to lead the investigation on the question of a zabrak sith on Naboo in 32 bby, he got genuinely interested in the possible perks of two blades in his Soresu and eventually mastered the double-bladed saber on quite a level. But he still sees this only as an interesting training option, but nothing more. So the double-bladed saber stays in the Temple and is used only in the Training Halls, but never on the battlefield.

13. An earring (yes, in the singular form)

Eeth has one of his ears pierced (right one), and he actually has several different earrings, mostly simple, like basic metal rings, which he usually picks every morning according to his mood. But to be honest, this earring thing is purely only for himself - because you can’t really see his ears under his usual three-ponytails hairstyle.

Though, he did abandon wearing earrings during the Clone Wars era - because since the war began and the potentially dangerous missions became more frequent, it wasn’t really a right place and time for such things, especially knowing that the Separatists can use some specific traps (like the ones they used to magnetize Jedi lightsabers on Lola-Sayu). The prospect of losing the whole ear due to such a trap is not the most pleasant one indeed.

14. HUGS (and other tactile activities)

Eeth very very VERY much loves hugs!

And for him, tactile contacts are more than just a way to feel comfortable - for him it's a vital part of the whole communication process. This issue dates back to his master, Kosul Ayada, who was a herglic (a race that is actually not very good at speaking Galactic Basic), and therefore helped himself with gestures and body language. And spending a lot of time around master Ayada, Eeth also got used to supporting his verbal dialogue by body language and tactile contact.

That is why while speaking Eeth actively gestures, grabs the other's hands, squeezes shoulders etc. And the hugs are his way to express sympathy and also to feel safe and appreciated!

15. Driving skills

Master Koth can drive, and actually quite well. And by driving I mean not spaceships, but smaller things that stay on land, like speeders.

And because he is a diplomat who often attends various meetings with senators and ambassadors, he also has a personal speeder, allocated to him by the Order for the ease of attending senator events and other diplomatic ocasions.

(But he does use it for other personal purposes too, because why not to, if there is an opportunity)))

(A panel of Eeth casually driving a speeder like a damn pro is one of my fav Eeth comics crumbs,,,,,,)

16. Singing

Eeth enjoys singing! But he usually keeps this thing to himself, making the quiet manthra-like singing a part of his meditative prep - it helps him to settle down his tangly thoughts a bit and tune his mind and body for the actual meditation.

(the hc was inspired by Hassani Shapi’s singing in one of his films, because Shapi’s voice is really beautiful and I’m sad they didn’t give him even a single line in the Phantom Menace when filming Koth’s Council scene)

17. Space soap operas...? (not so serious, sometimes treated as crack, but sometimes not)

Koth (secretly) likes soap operas on the late-night HoloNet, and often stays up to watch a new episode of something before going to bed. His favourite series is called “Lekkus of love” (my imaginary in-universe show I usually use in my sw writings) and it's about a twi’lek girl’s life, filmed in the style of our “Magnificent Century”, with lots of romantic intrigues and twists.

18. LOTS of feelings

Referencing the previous one - Eeth is very emotional, actually! Yes, he’s a Jedi and he knows how to keep his mind clear, but he’s still sensitive enough to actually cry over sad episodes of "Lekkus…" because “Poor Ai’sha, she worked so hard to get her man’s attention, but he still chose that togruta girl? This is outrageous, this is unfair! :ccc”

Also this can be in fact explained biologically. He's a zabrak, and zabraks are supposed to have a hot, blazing, higly-emotional nature (to match their home planet, Iridonia, wich is also boiling with acid seas and all that - otherwise they won't survive)

19. Podracing as a favourite sport

Eeth enjoys podracing. He first got into it back on Nar Shaddaa, when he heard a lot about racing and stuff from smugglers and bounty hunters (and at that time he even dreamed of becoming a cool podracer - but that was of course before he was taken to the Temple).

Now he doesn't dream of podracing that much, but still can and actually does enjoy watching annual championships via HoloNet. He also tries to keep in touch with the latest news in the podracing world (that interest he shares with the young Anakin Skywalker, and they do sometimes occasionally discuss podracing when they both have free time)

20. Horns

Eeth doesn’t really trust droids with trimming his horns, so he usually does that by himself, in the freshener, and that always takes a while. Also unlike a lot of male iridonian zabraks, who prefer to keep the tips of their horns comparatively sharp as a sign of their brutality and masculinity, Eeth chooses to make the tips humbly rounded and smoothed.

21. A pet? (Also not so serious - but sometimes it IS the most serious hc!)

Eeth has a pet loth-cat! The loth-cat is a she-cat, and she's big, fluffy and always on her own mind. Agen Kolar sometimes points out that the loth-cat is very similar to her owner in a lot of little things, like the way the cat purrs when being hugged and how she is obsessed with being clean and ideal too.

The loth-cat is also a bit jealous of her owner’s attention, so she will every time make herself comfortable on his knees when Eeth is meditating or working with documents to show that this is HER man. (especially when smb comes over to Eeth’s apartment - that's the case when she just NEEDS to state who’s the real boss here).

22. Participation in the first battle of Geonosis

I headcanon that Eeth was not directly on the Petranaki Arena actually during the first battle of Geonosis in the AOTC. Since he's not on-screen in that symbolic circle of survivors but is still stated as a participant, I assume that instead of being a part of the main group, Eeth joined Yoda on his trip to Kamino. Maybe not directly on the planet but still somewhere there, helping to gather clone legions to guide them to Geonosis.

(p.s. I know that Eeth's on-screen absence is because of Shapi being replaced with another actor and the new character turning out not at all alike to TPM Koth, but this little hc actually kinda fixes the hole without ruining anything…?))

#star wars #star wars expanded universe #star wars legends #star wars the clone wars #clone wars #eeth koth #sharad hett #kosul ayada #star wars headcanons #ihonestly I can talk about Eeth for hours and days and month #Eeth is the best cinnamon bun in the Jedi Order

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stiltonbasket · 4 years ago

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Twelve Moons and a Fortnight wrap-up Q & A!

(brief note that this post does contain spoilers, so don’t click past the cut unless you’ve finished reading!)

1. Hi Stilton! I love you and TMAAF! The way you write the letters really feels organic and like people writing letters to other people in a time where communication wasn't instantaneous and thats a pet peeve I have with some fics that treat letters like text. I don't know if you've been asked this but what's your inspiration for the letters? Did you just make them up as they are? Did you look at old letters and studied the tone? @iwillbetrash4eva

I made the letters up as they are, but it was essential for me to keep in mind that the characters are all highly educated, and that Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang in particular are very accomplished in the arts. Letters written by someone who composes music and poetry in their spare time aren’t going to be the same as emails and text messages written for the sake of raw information transfer, so I made sure to incorporate that into the letters; they’re written on pretty paper, usually in the sender’s best calligraphy, and it takes time to sit down and write them, so there’s an aspect of aesthetic reflection there that we rarely notice in modern communication.

I also felt that the characters would include snapshots of their lives and feelings while writing; this was more important with Wei Wuxian, since he throws himself so deeply into his daily life, but I also had to remember how important the past is to all of the characters and how enmeshed it is with their relevant current events. Ultimately, each letter serves as an extra look into the characters’ state of mind, which is something the narrative might not give us.

2. What was your favorite scene in TMAAF, and which OC was the most fun to write? @keela1221

My favorite scene was Wei Wuxian’s departure from Lotus Pier in chapter 46, especially the part when everyone chased after him! I planned it several months in advance (sometime last summer, I think?) so finally getting to write it felt amazing.

Surprisingly, my favorite original characters to write (besides the main additions of Xiao-Yu, Yu Zhenhong, and Li Shuai) were the Jiang juniors. They love their Wei-zongzhu so much ;~;

3. What made you think of writing this fic? And would you consider a special epilogue because I don't think 50 chapters were nearly enough for me.❤ @avezevin

I think I just wanted to speculate about what cultivation politics might have been like after Jin Guangyao died, and TMAAF was born! And I most likely will be posting an epilogue, since I realized that the Zhenqing wedding works best as a coda instead of as a fic of its own.

4. what's your research process for tmaaf? the worldbuilding is so detailed!!

I read posts on tradition and culture and use them as sources if the chance ever comes along. A significant portion of the lore was entirely made up, but @light8828 helped me with some of the language, and offered so much guidance on cultivation worldbuilding <3

5. I really like the way you write the dynamic between Wei ying and lan zhan with their kids in all your stories. Xiao-Yu is a very lovable character and his relationship with his parents is something I go back to read many times. What do you use as inspiration when writing his, or any of his siblings, relationship with their parents?

Real life, I guess. Some of my older friends have recently had children, and they’re very good parents. :3

6. Where will you be going with the series? I need to prepare myself for heartbreak if the end is approaching, (its ok if you dont know tho! Idk is an optimistic answer, its just that you seem to have many things plotting away in that brain of yours)

Up next, I’m going to finish all the fics in the series that are still in progress, and then I’m going to write Lan Xichen’s fic, maybe a fic from Wen Qing’s point of view, a fic focusing on a reincarnated Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, and a fic from Jin Yun’s POV focusing on his relationship with LXC and the latter’s death and ascension. This doesn’t count all the fluffy wangxian oneshots still bubbling on the back burner, so I expect this series to keep me busy well into 2022. *sweats*

7. TMAAF Q&A: when did you decide you were bringing wen qing back? what led you to making her return a result of the soul-summoning array, rather than having her have survived by some other method? @mischief7manager

I decided that Wen Qing would be returning sometime between chapters 12 and 15, since that was when I knew I wanted her to be the one to cure Wei Wuxian. And as much as I liked the idea of Wen Qing surviving, I didn’t want her to be imprisoned for the 16-year interim; it was important that she appear in TMAAF as she was before her death rather than having over a decade of character development off-screen. But she wasn’t a fierce corpse that could just be put to sleep for all that time, hence the soul-summoning.

8. For the Q&A: Stilton, how did you come up with such an adorable perfect little child like Xiao-Yu?? You write him so well it really does seem like it’s a child talking!! @whereisyourcahier

He’s partly based on a real baby I know. :P It might sound impossible, but he’s even cuter than Xiao-Yu is.

9. Thank you for doing this Q&A! Was Xiao Yu always part of the story? (Ilhim so much!!)

He was! I always wanted Wangxian to experience parenthood together, so Xiao-Yu’s entry was planned long before he actually appeared in the fic.

10. how did you deal with any writers block that came up?

By reading comments!! I have all of you to thank for that <3<3!!!!!!

11. What was the process for plotting each arc of tmaaf? & when did you decide on what the storyline was going to be? Did you know when you started or did you incorporate stuff as you wrote?

I hashed out the whole plot at once sometime last May, and that was when I laid down the rough storyline. The overall plot was finalized by the time chapter 18 went up, though I did add further details as I went along. In particular, the mini-arc of Wei Wuxian investigating the Yangshuo plague was mostly written on the fly.

12. how long have you been planning the wen qing lang xiyan reveal? has it been something set in stone from the start?

I’ve been planning it since last April, though the exact circumstances weren’t clear until around August or September. Originally, Jiang Cheng was going to ask “Lang Xiyan” to marry him after her mourning period was over, only for her to reveal herself as Wen Qing before accepting, but I soon realized that this wouldn’t fit either of their characters. Wen Ning recognizing her was the only way the reveal made sense (both emotionally and logically) so I had to find a reason to bring him to Yunmeng at exactly the right time.

13. I just want to ask two little things (well three). Where we will be able to read the wedding of baby Zizhen and A-Qing? Will there be Chengqing? And with the last question, if it's yes, will you write a one shot, drabble or something like that?? 🥺🥺🥺

I’m going to post a 51st chapter to TMAAF with the Zhenqing wedding as an epilogue, and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing are married by then! Wen Qing will most likely be getting a fic of her own, focusing on the time between her revival and her engagement to Jiang Cheng.

14. I just finished reading your fic and let me tell you it's one of the best I have ever had the pleasure to read :) For someone who wants to start writing, how did you start the story? Did you wrote everything with a little scheme or you just leave your brain to work in the document?

I wasn’t planning to write fic for MDZS/CQL at all, and then I randomly ended up outlining, drafting, and posting the first chapter of TMAAF within the span of around two hours. When starting a story, I think it works best for me to just let my brain work in the document without worrying too much about how it might turn out--outlines and schemes tend to come later, after I’ve gotten a feel for how the characters act and laid down some dead-basic worldbuilding.

If you’re just starting out, make sure you’re having fun and that everything you write is as self-indulgent as possible! Enjoying the process is the most important thing, worrying about all the specifics can come later. <3

#wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #twelve moons and a fortnight #q&a #asks

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itswildwinters · 4 years ago

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Ask for writers

Thank you @theisolatedlily and @soldouthaz for tagging me, I really appreciate it! This lovely tag was created by @soldouthaz, which I think is brilliant to get to know other writers!! I love it, so thank you Sarah!

This is quite long, but I still hope it’s entertaining!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted: I’ve always wanted to write. I know that I only began publishing this year (January 2020) but years back, I always would open up a blank document and just... write. Lack of confidence and language barriers (I wanted to write in English, but it isn’t my first language and I only became fluent three years ago) have made it so that I would never finish a story. I think we all had our wattpad moment but even on there I would never really publish because the platform just wasn’t right. But then I discovered ao3, where I’d read fics and also improve my English. Then I found out about fests, and I decided to participate in one last year (2019 BLFF) and my first fic then came out!

And ever since, I’ve been able to write and finish what I start. It’s as if the lock that had been put to block my creativity had been destroyed; posting my first completed fic has acted as a turning point. I was extremely nervous when I first posted, still am, but now I have this need to write and I love sharing what I write and ever since I became a writer, my life’s been a lot better!

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?: I switch between Louis’ POV, or Harry’s POV depending on the story; I tend to sprinkle a bit of myself in the characters I write, but then again they’re also completely different from me! I’ve never based a character completely on myself, which I find quite boring (haha); sometime unconsciously, I’d write a character based on someone I knew. I think some examples on how my characters can look a bit like me, is Hamlet in a sea of mist which has gotten his clear-headedness from me; or in my Murder Mystery fic, the way I describe Louis’ fear is heavily based on how I feel whenever I’m faced with something that makes me uncomfortable.

3. where do you often find inspiration?: art (paintings, music), books, quotes, poems and movies!

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?: having so much free time on my hands has definitely helped; I would seek refuge within my stories, to spice up quarantine!

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence? I love love love playing classical music (Chopin, Saint-Saens, Debussy, Yiruma, Einaudi, Faulkner, Schumann, Tchaikovsky, Mozart to name a few) while writing. I can’t write when it’s anything else. But I can also write when there’s nothing; hearing the rhythmic clicking sound of the keyboard as I press over its keys can be relaxing to me.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?: hm in my writing I guess I tend to write very long sentences, and also I still do grammar mistakes. I hope to work on those points. I also find the way I space my fics very annoying (which is why I’ve begun making outlines!).

7. describe your ideal writing setup: in a couch or a bed with several pillows piled up behind my back, classical music in my ears and a steaming cup of tea next to me.

8. favorite time of day to write?: I love writing when it’s very early, usually after I’ve woken up and freshened up. I don’t like writing when it’s too late because I’m not a night owl; rather an early bird. I especially love when I write and it’s still dark outside, then slowly dawn breaks in and the sky becomes tainted in warm hues of orange, yellow and sometimes even purple and pink.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?: I love writing fantasy, horror, suspense, action, thrillers. Especially angst and hurt/comfort, as well as slow burn. I’d like in the future to explore sci-fi and magical realism!

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it? I haven’t suffered from writer block so far, which I’m glad!!

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult? writing is the easiest, but outlining (as in, coming up with plot ideas) is quite difficult for me. Also dialogues can be a bit of a problem to me.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable): I just make them up in my mind, and create them when they’re necessary to the story, giving them personality traits that will help the story develop.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word? it’s hard to choose cause I have several but favourite: petrichor and least favourite: big

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?: I am proud of the way I describe, which allows me to really settle the story in its verse. I love describing, giving importance to the ordinary. Also feelings; I love describing them and exploring how I can translate them into words, so that the reader can feel them. But I have to work on my dialogues methinks.

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?: those who from the Pit of Hell, roam to seek their prey on earth. I’ve always wanted to begin writing thrillers/Murder mystery fics and with that one I think I managed to? I had read an article on forensic medicine back in the 19th century and it sparked this fic’s plot!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?: Arial, 11pt, single spaced

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?: I don’t know if this can be considered as a typo but I tend to repeat, within a paragraph, A LOT my character’s name instead of using pronouns. This is because I’m afraid of confusion when another character arrives in the scene.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?: I don’t know if I understood the question properly, but yes? When I use Louis or Harry in my fics, they’re completely different from real-Louis or real-Harry; they’re my characters, they only have the same names, but their personality reflects in nothing real-life Harry and Louis.

I think to answer this better: I do separate fic writing from fandom, but I still think that fanfics are important to a fandom; I haven’t heard of a fandom without fanfics! Fanfics spice up fandoms, I reckon, they’re important to bring people together.

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?: Angst is my favourite thing to write, as well as fear. And I struggle with writing humour, I’m not a funny person to be honest

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?: I always hope they like my writing and the plot, also the way I portray my characters. I want my readers to feel the writing, and the story in general. I just want my readers to truly enjoy what they read from me <3

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?: I was told to always write very specifically and to fit my writing into a mould — don’t write ‘he’s’ but ‘he is’, or write shorter sentences, or stop describing so much. But in the end, there isn’t one way of writing — write the way you want.

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?: only one? ahhh this is hard! But I’d love to see those who from the Pit of Hell, roam to seek their prey on earth be turned into a movie. There are also a couple of wips that I could see on-screen but I’ll stick to that!

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?: chronologically. Haven’t explored anachronies (analepsis/prolepsis) at all, but I might soon!

24. how do you handle criticism?: really well!! As long as they’re constructive and not mean, I love hearing what people think. Criticism is the best way for me, a person whose first person is not English, to improve!

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?: DO IT!! Honestly, don’t tell yourself, ‘I’m not good enough’. Just do it. Open a blank document and write your heart away, even if it’s not a story; just begin it. Explore your writing style, then maybe try to mould it into a plot. Writing is not limited to a certain category of people; it’s not just for those who can write. Writing is for everyone, and like most things, one must begin before improving (practice makes perfect!!) <3

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?: anything!!! Just the fact someone clicked on my story, read it, and took time to leave a comment — just that is enough to make my heart bursts with joy. I am so so grateful to every single person who’s ever read something from me.

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?: The verse I’m talking about is still a wip, but the siren/mermaid one that I’m currently building! I’d love to live in it.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?: Anything, really, my inbox is open to anyone and for everything! I love discussing books, movies and poetry as well as quotes, and maybe I wish people would come forth to ask me more about my fics or my wips, if they have any inquiries! Or I’d love to write drabbles!

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?: It has made my life so, so much better. Writing has stitched up a gaping hole in my chest. It’s permitted me to improve in English, has made me more confident and has allowed my creativity to flow. I just... I love writing so much. It has also allowed me to meet some incredible people on tumblr, which I’m very grateful for!!

30. why do you write?: for many reasons; to spice up my life, to help me develop my creativity, and because I love it. I’ve always wanted to be a writer.

boost yourself + tags!

1a. share the last sentence you wrote:

The words echo around his head and collide with his temples like truncheon blows.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about:

I’m excited for all of them, but I’ll go with my third BLFF fic. It’s very angsty, post-war, ABO, exes to lovers. It tackles heavy topics, it’s such an emotional fic. I’m so so excited for her (she comes out in January).

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of:

This is hard. But I’ll go with one from in a sea of mist cause the way Louis answers Harry... I love it:

“I feel like you want to kill me,” he pants out, using his right arm to hold himself up while his other hand comes up to rub at his burning cheek and nose, where Louis had hit him with the sole of his shoe.

“Before our date? No, never,” Louis blinks sweetly, chuckling and climbing up as Harry smiles to himself.

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s): I will do only those that are already published:

best first lines are from the hope that warbles in my fluttering breast: There, against the window, was stuck millions of snowflakes, their see-through quality no more as they huddled together, pushed against hard surfaces by the merciless wind.

best last lines are from in a sea of mist: It takes a while for Harry to go to sleep, elation pumping through his veins so fast that the previous tiredness he felt has flown out of the window. But when he finally focuses on Louis’ heavened out breathing, and when he breathes in Louis’ natural perfume that always acts as an ambrosia over him, he manages to close his eyes, and for the first time in a while, he dreams of a future that’s devoid of any darkness.

5a. link the last fic you read: currently reading sweet like honey by @falsegoodnight and Spoonful of Sugar by @zanniscaramouche and they’re absolutely amazing!

6a. link the last work you published: in a sea of mist

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable): tomlinvelvet

8a. someone that inspires you: Louis <3 his music and just his personality overall leaves so much scope for the imagination. There are also so many writers (both non-fanfic writers and fanfic writers) that inspire me daily.

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year: even the best laid plans and just a flicker in the dark both by @falsegoodnight as well as eyes off you by @soldouthaz ... these fics are just so amazing, everything about them is top tier

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag! @falsegoodnight @scrunchyharry @hadestyles @mercurial-madhouse @youreyesonlarry @raspberryoatss @jacaranda-bloom @soldouthaz @behisoneandonly @vintageumbroshirt @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @lougendarey @quelquesetoiles <3 no pressure ofc!

#tagged #interaction

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snowdice · 5 years ago

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Gaps in His Files (Part 9) [Relabeled; Refiled Series]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton

Characters:

Main: Logan, Patton

Appear: Remy, Virgil (but only in the epilogue)

Summary:

Logan Berry has learned many things the last 10 years: a lot of math and physics, a bit of humility, and how to be a hero being just a few. Through his education, his experience teaching, and his exploits as the superhero Bluebird, he’s changed in a lot of small and large ways. He has recorded these changes in well-organized documents and files. He’s even had to create two new file designations: a red one for files about his moonlighting at Bluebird, and a light blue one dedicated to his boyfriend, Patton.

When Bluebird is targeted by a memory device and all of those 10 years of progress suddenly disappear, Patton Sanders and Logan’s extensive files are left as his only resource to get those memories back. But what is Patton supposed to do when there are clear gaps in his files? And what does he do when he is one of them?

This is set 25 years before Sometimes Labels Fail though it’s story is completely independent of it and it is not necessary to read that one first.

Notes: Superhero AU, memory loss, past child abuse, past child neglect, unhealthy ideas about ones place in relationships, emotional suppression, self-deprecating thoughts, medical procedures mentioned, very brief unhealthy views of sex

In which Logan was being a petulant little shit and so I slapped him in the face.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Logan’s future-self had made this ridiculously easy. He and Patton had fallen asleep on the floor of the office and woken up at about 6am. Logan had complained of boredom over breakfast and asked if they could take a break from the files and go to the library to get him a book to read whenever they were not trying to jog his memory. Patton had, predictably, told him that he wasn’t comfortable taking Logan out especially to the library since he frequented the location and people who know him might try to talk to him. Instead, he suggested Logan stay at the apartment and he would go alone to get a book for him himself. The man was surprisingly easy to manipulate for someone his future-self deemed a worthy romantic partner.

Said future-self had written his weekly schedule out in the front of his planner along with the buildings and classroom numbers each event took place in. So, he knew where he needed to be and when. He also had written the sections he was supposed to cover in the calculus textbook that day in the daily part of the planner. Logan could not find said textbook in his apartment, so he imagined it was in his on-campus office. Luckily, his future-self had the foresight to write his office number on the inside front cover of the planner in case it was lost and needed to be returned.

Now he just had to find these places. Getting to the campus was easy. When he exited the apartment building, he could see large buildings that were likely dorms only a few blocks away and, upon walking in that direction, easily found himself on a college campus. Then, it was simply the task of finding a map of the campus to locate the buildings he needed and going through the needlessly complicated process of figuring out his office building’s strange numbering system. Honestly why were rooms 7-9 and 13-15 in a separate hallway than all of the other numbers? It took him under half an hour all together to find the little room in the basement with a door who’s lock perfectly fit one of the keys on his keychain.

Perfect. Now, he just had to find the textbook in his desk, glance through the sections the planner had indicated, and make it to the classroom in less than 25 minutes.

He was honestly quite pleased with his own cleverness when he opened the door to the office.

…

Patton was there.

He was sitting on one of the three desks in the room, arms folded over his chest. They stared at each other for a long moment.

“Hey Logan,” a woman seated at a different desk said looking between the two of them. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, everything’s fine Lia,” Patton said cheerfully, but there was a bite to his smile. “Logan is just being stubborn even though he’s in no state to teach today.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Logan said, teeth clenched.

“Is this another Logan gets pneumonia incident?” Lia asked.

“Yep,” Patton replied without hesitation.

Logan frowned at him. “I am fine.”

“You are not,” Patton hissed.

“I have no physical ailments,” he insisted. Lia and Patton exchanged a look Logan did not understand, but which still made him bristle.

“Look Logan,” she said. “I owe you a couple for last semester; I can teach your classes for you today and next week too if need be. Like, we really don’t want a repeat of fourth year, do we?”

He had no idea what she was talking about. “That won’t ha…”

“Thank you, Lia!” Patton interrupted. “I’m going to go and take him home. We’ll have to get together once Logan’s all sorted out.” He hopped off the desk and grabbed Logan’s arm in a firm grip before yanking him out of the room. He was clearly irate, but Logan was too; he ground his teeth together.

“How did you even get here before me?” Logan grumbled.

“Because I know where your office is,” he spat back. “Unlike you who knows nothing about anything.”

Logan gave an irritated huff.

“Don’t,” Patton warned. “Listen to me. You cannot teach this class. I would do a better job at teaching that class than you right now and I don’t even have a bachelor’s degree in mathematics. Lia is a great teacher with as much experience as you’re supposed to have. She will handle it. You need to focus on trying to get better. Not on ruining your own life for whenever things get back to normal.”

This felt infuriatingly like a scolding. “I don’t appreciate being coddled,” Logan said coldly.

Patton took a breath. “I will endeavor to stop doing so as soon as you’re mentally in your 20s again.”

“We don’t even know if I even can get my memories back.”

“Maybe you will or maybe you won’t, but I am not letting you risk what you spent the last 10 years building because you have a pathological need to not take a day off.”

“Maybe I don’t want what I built,” he said stubbornly. Patton went stiff and Logan realized his error. He honestly hadn’t meant it in that way, not even in anger, but he didn’t know how to explain that when he saw Patton’s face smooth out.

“The parking lot is this way,” Patton told him, turning from him. Logan opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

They didn’t speak again until they were inside Patton’s car. “Here,” Patton said, shoving a book at him.

“What’s this?” he asked, snapping out of the mix of panic and anger still pounding in his ears.

“You said you wanted a book,” he replied and clearly nothing had snapped him out of his own anger yet. “You like that one and you said you always wanted to forget it and read it again, so I guess you get your wish.”

Logan stared at it as Patton started the car. He’d known Logan was lying when he’d asked for the book, but he’d still gone to the library and gotten him one anyway. What type of person would do that? What kind of person would still go through the effort to get Logan a book he liked even though his anger was clearly boiling under his skin?

No one was like that. At least, no one Logan had ever met was like that. Not even his parents, no matter how kind they were, would ever do something like that, for fear that it would be like rewarding bad behavior. This didn’t feel like it was a reward for bad behavior though. In fact, Logan felt bad even though he still thought he was in the right. It was an odd sensation.

He looked down at the library book. It was a symbol of something Logan couldn’t quite put his finger on. A lesson he had a feeling he’d probably learned already.

Affection coexisting with ire.

His parents had always been good people and loved him, but he’d spent most of his life living up to expectations. Teachers liked him because he was smart and rarely misbehaved. His peers tolerated him because he was able to help them with their schoolwork. His parents loved him for loves sake, but he was pretty sure they liked him because he obeyed their rules and he was good at things.

So, who was this man who got him a book he liked and gave it to him even when they stood opposed to each other? Even when Logan had lied to him and tried to manipulate him? Even when anger hung in the air between them in this car? Who was this man? Why did his kindness and affection not require Logan’s compliance?

He had the sudden though that while he didn’t know if he’d ever remember anything else about this life he’d found himself in, he could probably remember how to love this man.

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 10

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #tsss #superhero au #memory loss #past child abuse #past child neglect #emotional suppression #self deprecation #gaps in his files #labeled universe #relabeled; refiled #adriana writes

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toomanyfandoms02 · 5 years ago

Text

The Transporter ~Part Three~ // Spencer Reid x Reader

Sorry this took so long!! I have been so busy with work lately, but here she is.

Word count ~ 2,900+

Hope you guys like it :))

I stepped back through the transporter to be met with an empty room. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It read 10:15, that wasn't *that* late. Christine is probably still awake.

I made my way to her room, which wasn't incredibly far from mine. Her door was cracked open and I could see her laying in bed, reading a book in the semi dim lighting. I knocked lightly, pulling her out of her fictional world of Harry Potter.

"Oh! Y/n, I didn't think you were coming back tonight. How was everything?" She gently set her bookmark in the book, placing it on her nightstand.

I couldn't hold back the smile on my face. It was the coolest day of my life, what could I say?

"It was so amazing Christine! I accidentally set myself right into an investigation that I knew about. I met all of them, and it felt different than I thought I would-"

"Did you talk to Spencer?" She asked, nudging my side. I could feel the blood rush to my face.

"Uh, yes." I smiled, looking down at her star clad comforter. "It was incredibly surreal and I can't wait to go back. It was kind of a funny interaction, the first one. He asked me to profile him, which was obviously easy because I know him like the back of my hand. Well I thought that was gonna be the end of our interaction that day. But I accidentally left my laptop at the Bureau."

"Oh yeah *accidentally*." She smiled, throwing air quotes.

"Shush, it was actually an accident." I giggled. "Anyway, he looked up my address I guess and he brought it to me. It was sweet."

"I guess now he knows where to send flowers." I shook my head with a smile. "Well I'm glad you had fun. I hope everything works out well, don't forget there's an actual case though." She winked.

"Thanks Christine, for everything." I waved as I slinked out of the room and down the hall.

I flopped down onto my bed with a simple grin, quickly falling asleep after my eventful day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slapped my hand over my phone as the alarm began blaring at 9:30. I wanted to fully commit to this whole thing, just like I was in real life. But in reality, I was waking up pretty late, considering I was going to go into their universe at 8:30.

It appeared that Christine was already awake, she was softly knocking at my slightly cracked door.

"Hey sweetie, I take it you wanna head out soon?"

"Yeah! And I'm gonna have to be gone for a couple of days for the case. Get all integrated and such. Is that alright?"

"Yeah of course! Just document some experiences, or anything that seems weird or off about their universe." Chris left the room, shutting my door with a light thud.

I slipped on a white button up, putting a maroon sweater over it to add my own little touch. I looked in the mirror to make sure my dress pants were fitting me correctly and stepped into my two inch black heels.

Since I would be gone for a few days, I grabbed a suitcase plus my go-bag that I had already had from my time interning. The navy blue bag was slung over my shoulder as I walked out my door, immediately bumping into someone. I looked up to see who I remembered as Violet Glynn, who went into the Zombieland Universe.

"Sorry, Violet, right?" I shook her hand. "How's your universe going? I've always loved that movie. Please tell me Columbus is just as sweet and endearing as he is in the actual film?"

I could see her eyes light up with glee, clearly she hadn't had anyone to fangirl properly to, I could tell she was about to explode with information.

"Yes! He is incredibly kind. Talahassee is already trying to dad me, Little Rock and I are already pretty good friends but Witchita is still kinda weary of me, which is understandable. I talked to Ryan, and he said I can only change a few major things so one I chose to do was to keep Columbus from killing Bill Murray. Bill is so fun to live with so far! I just - I am totally talking about myself for too long. How is everything going for you?" I offered her a kind smile of reassurance.

"It's completely fine, I get your excitement. It's really cool, kinda different from the real job I was working. Maybe that's because I'm permanently gawking at one of my coworkers." We both laughed for a moment. "But I'm gonna be gone with him for like 3 days straight so, I guess I'm gonna have to figure something out. When I come back we should talk more." Violet nodded enthusiastically and waved as we walked to our Transporter rooms.

"Of course! See you in a few days."

I could hear Christine's heels clicking not far behind me as I began typing in the date and time.

*February 12th, 8:30 am. 2009*

"Good luck, I will see you in a few days time, yeah?"

"Yep!" I shoved my 'Come back device' in my go-bag and turned on it's much larger counterpart, nodding at Chris as I stepped in.

I was immediately greeted by my apartments bedroom, I could hear my phone buzzing on my side table. I lifted it to see a text from a certain favorite person of mine, and she didn't even know me yet.

*Penelope G*

*Hey sweets! The plane will be ready to be boarded at 9:15. The team is meeting at the BAU first for a carpool, so be there or be square! Have a good time on your first mission, from what I've seen, you're pretty amazing. :)*

I held back a small smile from my lips, this world is just as good as I always wanted it to be.

*Thank you M'lady. I've heard amazing things about you. I hope we can gossip sometime! ;)*

I sent the text and slipped my phone into my back pocket. I chucked a piece of toast in the toaster, quickly spreading peanut butter on it and checking my watch.

*8:45*

I began my walk to the BAU, probably looking extremely weird walking down the street in work attire and a piece of toast slathered with peanut butter. But I was pretty content, continuing to eat it as I reached the doors of my favorite place.

I brushed my hands together to rid of the many crumbs that had accumulated there, seeing JJ and Penelope talking at Jennifer's desk.

"Y/n! Come over here." Penelope waved me over, I pulled at the sleeves of my sweater as I walked over as confidently as possible. "Are you ready for your first case?" She leaned in a little, clearly trying to search my face for a quicker answer.

"Yeah, I think I'm pretty ready. I've done this kinda stuff before but, I'm way more nervous about this."

"I wouldn't worry to much about. I think you already impressed Hotch and Spencer, you read people extremely well. Did you seriously gather all that stuff from Reid just by knowing him for a few minutes?" JJ was clearly now invested.

"Well, yeah. He's relatively easy to read, as long as you're paying attention." JJ nodded with a smirk.

"Well, you certainly made a good first impression, you honestly sound a lot like Reid, maybe you can..." I watched as she peered behind me, her words trailing off. Her eyes darted back and forth between me and whatever was happening behind me. I whipped my head around to see Spencer walking in, he was distracted my a book, which made me smile. But that smile quickly faded as I scanned my eyes over his outfit.

He was wearing a white button up with a black tie and a maroon vest over it with black dress pants. Sound familiar? All but the black tie.

"Maybe you are even more like Reid than I thought." JJ smirked at me. All the blood had run to my face and my feet felt bolted to the ground. Why this? Why on my first official day? I could hear Garcia holding back a laugh behind me.

"This is adorable I'm sorry." She said, giggling a little.

Spencer finally looked up from his book, hearing Penelope laughing. He furrowed his eyebrows, squinting a bit. Probably wondering why I looked like a deer in headlights. He looked down at himself.

Then back up at me.

Then down at himself again.

He just smiled at me and closed his book all the way, adjusting the go-bag he held on his shoulder. I nearly dropped mine.

"What just happened?" Penelope nudged my shoulder. I shrugged and shook my head.

This was clearly going to be quite the day.

I ended up carpooling with JJ, Morgan and Reid. JJ and I sat in the back while Morgan drove, Spencer spitting facts to him about cars and traffic.

"Well, according to the DC Department of Motor Vehicles, there are almost 450,000 active drivers registered in the District. However, millions more drivers commute to DC from neighboring communities in Maryland and Virginia. D.C. is also host to millions of tourists from around the world. In 2014, more than 20 million people visited D.C., many of them renting a car or driving their own vehicle to visit." He rambled.

"Reid, all I said was there was a lot of traffic today."

"I mean he's right though." I piped in. Spence looked back at me with confused eyes. "Washington D.C. is also home to some of the worst traffic in the country. Analysts estimate that the average driver will spend 7 hours a year in traffic, wasting 6 gallons of gas. However, for D.C. drivers, one estimate found the average driver is spending 67 hours a year in traffic, wasting 32 gallons of gas while sitting in traffic." I think hearing him so much on the show, made me a little bit like him in some ways, my friends always rolled their eyes at me whenever I rambled. The only real one who listens is my uncle. He had turned around, but I could tell he was smiling.

Success.

"Good lord there's two of them."

I'll take that as a compliment.

We boarded the plane and I decided on a window seat, leaning my head up against the cold glass. My hand was unknowingly gripping the armrest a little too tightly.

"Are you a nervous flier?" I would obviously know that voice from anywhere, but right now it was coming from right across from me. I leaned my head back on the headrest.

"Not necessarily, I've flown quite a few times. I've just never been in a jet."

"The key difference between jets and propeller planes is that jets produce thrust through the discharge of gas instead of powering a drive shaft linked to a propeller. This allows jets to fly faster and at higher altitudes." He loosened his tie a little. "So I wouldn't worry too much, it feels about the same."

"Well thank you."

It was silent for a bit, but once we were in the sky we began talking about the case. Emily was talking about how she wants to be cremated because being buried was gross and weird.

"I actually agree with you. I think cremation is more personal too, I want someone to sprinkle my ashes somewhere. Not have to visit my grave and waste money on flowers every year."

Me and Emily got into that conversation as the rest of the team slowly started to do their own things. Spencer was back to reading his book, one page every 5 seconds. He peered over his book for a moment, but only a moment.

"I like your outfit by the way." He mumbled, still focused on his book, he lowered it a bit. I could see a smirk creeping onto his features. My ears began burning as the blood rushed to them.

"Thanks." I really wanted to say more to him, but it felt like my jaw was wired shut.

Morgan was not so discreetly looking over at us with eyebrows raised. But I kept my eyes out the window.

We landed about 2 hours later. I had kept myself occupied by writing down everything that just happened, so I wouldn't forget, and for Christine.

"Morgan, Reid, y/l/n, you go with the police search party and find what you can. Prentiss and I will talk to their chief. Rossi and JJ, set us up in the station."

Once we were there, we were put on a search party with the police, they quickly found the body of another woman covered in mud and holding a cross necklace. We were bringing the evidence back to the station with the others. On the way back, Spencer was telling me about the history of gold cross necklaces. I could practically hear Morgan rolling his eyes the whole time, but I just loved hearing him talk.

Once we were there, Rossi showed his blatant coldness towards the psychic that was telling a scared mother that her daughter was okay. Hotch began sending us off again, and we were off to see the bodies.

Days here moved so fast.

Once we arrived I stared at the body on the table. I lightly touched her arm, cold as ice. Seeing these body through the screen was one thing, but knowing these are real people, it's even more sad. Of course I had seen many bodies in my time, but the thought that this wasn't fictional anymore made my stomach churn a little.

"I found trace amounts of seamen, but there is no sign of sexual assault."

"Are you saying this was consensual?" Spencer tilted his head a bit. No no sweet child.

"She's saying it's happening post-mortem." I said, looking down a little. Morgan nodded and Reids face scrunched. This poor woman.

I knew I couldn't change much, because that could royally screw some stuff up, si throughout the whole thing I decided I would change things little by little to move it along faster. What I did this time was make it so we didn't waste time and interrogate the random man who was accused of being a necrophiliac, because his timeline wouldn't match up.

We made it to the house just a smidge earlier, Brooke was found on the operating table in the abandoned home, completely fine.

The days had become exhausting, as soon as we got on the jet I sat in the same seat, dropping my bag down and grabbing a small pillow out of it. I set the pillow against the window and drifted off to sleep fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to JJ shaking my shoulder, opening my eyes to see a blanket that read *e=mc²* all over it.

"What is this?"

"Oh, I believe Spence put that on you while you were asleep. You were shivering and he happened to have it in his go-bag I guess." She shrugged. "Everyone is heading home, so you want a ride?"

"That would be amazing, thank you."

"No problem."

It was only 5 pm, and Christine wouldn't be expecting me back until tomorrow. So I decided I was gonna get some stuff done with my time, more specifically one big thing.

I grabbed the wad of money that Chris had given me and waved down a taxi. I had them take me to the nearest car dealership. I made a hasty decision and bought a 2007 Mini Cooper. Now I could do what I really wanted.

I looked up Spencer's address and grabbed his blanket, which I had neatly folded and threw on my coffee table. He appeared to live around 15 minutes away by car.

Once I was there, nerves had set in, but I ignored them as I reached the door and knocked 3 times.

I heard a faint "Coming!" From the other side of the dark oak door. He answered with his phone propped up on his shoulder, talking to someone.

"Sorry Mom, I gotta go, love you." He hung up and pulled his phone from his ear. "Hey, what are you doing here."

I presented his blanket to him.

"I figured I would return the favor of you bringing me my laptop by bringing you your blanket." I flopped it into his outstretched arms.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." He smiled, bringing the blanket to his chest. "Would you like to come in?" He brought his hand to the collar of his shirt, attempting to loosen the strain it clearly had on his neck. "I just made a pot of coffee. And since you're just about the only one who actually listens to my ridiculous amount of rambling, I figured we could ramble together? I mean I don't know you very well and I honestly want to be the first to befriend you, you're very intriguingly different. Not in any kind of bad way I just-" His face was slowly getting more red and I could see that his grip on the poor blanket was almost white knuckle.

"I would love to." I stepped into his apartment with a sigh.

Was this a dream?

Maybe.

If so, I wanna be asleep *forever*.

Taglist!!

@natibugg31

@onceupona-diamond

@buck-barn

@cyndagoaway

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #dr spencer reid #criminal minds fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction

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ververa · 5 years ago

Note

Could you make something with Mina where reader is a friend of her's that likes to tease but one day it goes a little far (bdsm)?

Dangerous woman

Okay, so first I’m sorry it took me so long. Second, it turned out to be longer than I’ve planned, so there’ll be 2 parts. And part 2 should be finished tomorrow.

Hope you enjoy it!

Wilhemina Venable x Fem!reader

Wilhemina Venable - a goddesse dressed in purple from head to toe. Yes, indeed. It was her, who was on your mind constantly since you could have remembered.

She was your parents’ friend, who helped you with getting a job at the company. After some time, the two of you eventually befriended as well. However, you always wanted it to be something more than just friendship.

Of course, you played a nice and a good girl. A lovely friend of hers, but the things that were going on your mind definitely weren’t as pure as you seemed to be.

It was just a job. Three years of watching her from afar. Nothing special, right? Though there was that part of you that fell for her. She was like a nicotine. Your own kind of addiction. The thoughts of her touching you were the only thing that made you turn down other, better offers of jobz. You couldn’t leave, because that would mean losing the possibility of watching her.

You knew very well she had a soft spot for you. She could be cold and rude with others, but somehow not with you. She wasn’t that strict, but she wasn’t too nice either. It was just something in between. Though nobody, but you, seemed to notice it.

You saw her and you fell. There was no turning back. There was nothing you could do and soon she’s the only thing on your mind.

“You should distract yourself” your friend stated

“Like… What do you mean?”

“Just do something stupid, crazy, funny. Relax girl”

“Oh, okay”

But even though you agreed your friend knew very well you’re not going to do anything about it. So, she did it for you.

“What the fuck?” you asked as she handed you a black envelope

“Open it”

You rolled your eyes, but opened the envelope anyway. Your eyes widened in terror. An invitation it was. Though not just a normal invitation to the club or restaurant or other things like that. It was the invitation or maybe more like a pass to a BDSM conference.

“Are you insane?!”

“Oh come on. Do it. Go and have fun for once. Maybe you’ll learn something with what you could impress that Wilhemina” she laughed

“You’re the worst”

“But you’ll go there. Say you will”

“Uuuuh! Fuck. I will”

And you did. The whole event was taking place on the weekend, so luckily you didn’t have to worry about your work.

The building, a luxurious hotel, was enormous. You entered and all you could see were men in elegant suits.

You’re the only woman in a group of 15 men. Great. You thought to yourself heading to the room with the right number.

“Welcome” an older man dressed in a long shirt, which made him look like some kind of a priest, greeted you “Do sit down” he said

You moved hesitantly. You’re the only woman there after all, which despite everything made you feel a bit insecure. You sat between two men, but didn’t look at them. You could feel their eyes on you and it wasn’t nice. You would most likely stood up and leave before the whole thing started, but you’re too anxious and scared. So you stayed trying to calm down your nervousness. Where did your adventurous spirit go?

“We’re referring to each as ‘brothers’ or 'sisters’” he said looking at you “Is that understood?”

“Yes” you all answered

“Good. Today’s meeting is going to be slightly different. Today’s meeting is going to be lead by my friend, who used to be one of you, beginners some time ago. Though now, she’s a respected and experienced member of our BDSM community”

She. You sighed with relief. The mysterious woman was going to be your lifesaver.

For a moment you’re sure that you managed to relax, just a little bit at least, but then the door opened. First you heard a familiar tap of a cane. You knew that way of moving, that rhythm too well. It can’t be. It’s your paranoia. You’re obsessed, you freak. You kept on repeating in your head, until a well-known figure appeared in the room. Wilhemina. Wilhemina Venable in all her glory. With her red hair put in a ponytail and dressed in a purple dress.

She didn’t pay much attention to the group, until she spotted you. Her eyes stopped on you for a mere second and you knew already that your cheeks were as red as tomato.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why she? Why it has to be her?

It’s awkward. Awkward and uncomfortable to sit there between those men and listen to Wilhemina explaining different things connected with BDSM. She was talking about kinks, sometimes asked questions or showed you various toys. You tried not to stare, but how could you not? It was Venable. Your crush or maybe even the love of your life. The woman, who took your heart not even realising it.

You had pretty hard time focusing, so you’re really happy when the meeting ended. You left the room and wanted to go straight to your room, but of course it couldn’t be that easy.

“Where are you going so fast, Y/N?” you heard her voice and froze

“I… To my room I think” you answered not daring to look her in the eyes

“Always in a hurry. Such a busy girl you are, aren’t you?” Venable came closer

“Well, I… Yeah”

“I didn’t know you’re into BDSM” she moved, so that the two of you were moving forward together “You’re full of surprises Miss Y/L/N” she added

“Yeah… I bet so”

“What would your parents said if they knew about your immoral conduct?” she teased

“I could ask the same question, miss Venable. What would people at the company said?” What did you just say, you dumb?

“Such a teasy one you are” she stopped and looked at you “So much that I want nothing more, but to spank you and show you where is your place”

“Then do it”

Where did your courage come from? You had no idea and would probably start rambling, but

Wilhemina smirked looking deep in your eyes.

“Meet me at the hotel room at 10” she said and turned back leaving you shocked

Did that really worked? Was she serious?

“Oh, one more thing” she stopped “Do be on time, unless you want to get additional punishment”

At that you knew for sure that she meant it.

You came back to your room and sat down on a bed.

“What have you done?” you asked yourself out loud

You dreamed of it way too long to shy away when things were about to happen. Though you did feel a bit confused and insecure. Nonetheless you began to get ready. You put on a set of lace, black lingerie and a dress that you for sure knew Wilhemina liked. You styled your hair and touched up your make-up.

“That’s it. You won’t look any better” you said looking at your reflection in a mirror

You adjusted your dress for the last time and made your way to Mina’s room. You tried to play it cool, but your body didn’t want to cooperate. Your legs became weaker and weaker the closer you were to the destination. You felt so hot as if you’re burning from inside and you’re pretty sure that even a make-up couldn’t hide your pink cheeks.

You’re about to get what you desired for so long. You’re going to be fucked by Wilhemina Venable and nothing, even your insecurities weren’t going to stop you.

Your managed to knock despite your hand trembling really badly. And soon there was Wilhemina standing in front of you. She’s dressed in a purple shirt and a long skirt in the same colour.

She looked you up and down until your eyes met.

“You didn’t have to go into so much effort with dressing up” was the only thing she said before letting you in

You said nothing and didn’t dare to move, at least not until Mina did.

“Actually, I like this dress” she spoke up again “It’s a shame that I’ll have to destroy it”

“W-what?” you asked following her farther into the room

“I guess that today I’ll need more what’s underneath, unless you change your mind”

“No” you shook your head quickly

“Good”

Wilhemina’s quarters were enormous in comparison to your room. She led you to the room that seemed to be a living room.

“Sit down, Y/N” she gestured to the leather, black sofa

You did as she said and waited for her next move.

“Would you prefer to drink some wine or champagne?”

She sounded so professionally that it scared you.

“I-” you hesitated “Wine sounds good”

“Good choice” she moved to a wooded mini bar and took two glasses

You watched her as she was moving around relying on her cane. You stood up, wanting to help her, but the sat down again, as she commanded

“Sit” placing glasses on the glass coffee table. Then she moved to take a bottle of wine and a piece of paper.

You looked at the document curiously already impatient to find out what it was.

“Ready it” she said placing a bottle on the table and handing you a paper

You took it, trying to keep yourself composed and doing your best to stop your hand from trembling. You studied the document, while Wilhemina uncorked the bottle.

BDSM contract - the inscription at the top of the page was.

“Read it carefully and fill in the blank fields” Venable said not looking at you

You examined the document once again, then looked back at the woman sitting next to you. She was sipping on the wine not paying much attention to you.

“W-what am I supposed to do with it?” you asked

Wilhemina placed her glass on the table and turned, so that she was facing you.

“If you had been listening instead of checking me out you’d know now” she said

You bit your lip nervously.

“Once again. It’s a contract between the dominant and the sub. In this case you and me. You need to write what I can and cannot do as well as choose our safe word”

“B-but…”

“My God, just write down what you like and dislike”

You stared at the contract, but still you didn’t know what to do. You just had no experience. It was your first time and your incompetence made you anxious.

“Okay. I see” Mina slowly stood up “Come with me”

You didn’t dare to object, so you followed her to the other room. She stopped in front of a huge, black door. Wilhemina looked over her shoulder checking if you’re behind her, before moving to open.

She opened the heavy door and as soon as the lights turned on you froze. In your whole life you hadn’t seen so much stuff in one place. There were toys of different shapes and sizes, BDSM furniture and other devices. Dildoes, vibrators, gags, paddles, quirts and more.

Wilhemina seemed not to be moved by it at all. She just got into the room. No wonder, she was a member of the community after all. But it was different with you. You’re new. You’re inexperienced and scared as hell watching all that things.

It felt as if the connection between your body and mind broke. You couldn’t take a step and so you just stood there.

“For God’s sake, Y/N, move!” she ordered

You said nothing and followed the dominant woman like a little puppy that lost the owner.

You tried not to let her see that, but the farther you go, the more you saw the worst your anxiety became. You began to slowly freak out and even Venable - person for whom every spectrum of human’s emotions was unknown and unfamiliar, could see that.

“Don’t be scared” she said almost lovingly “I’m not going to use them all on you” she smiled “You can choose what you want”

You looked around. Your legs and hands weak again.

“Come on, let’s see what we’ve got here” she offered you her arm and you gladly took it “See? Those are things for more experienced members” she said pointing at the slave cage

Your eyes widened. Why the hell would someone want to use that? You wondered

“I’ll leave you, so you can decide” she said as you finished your little tour

“No!” you protested “I mean… Please, don’t go”

Venable smirked.

“I see you can be well mannered in certain situations” she chuckled “If I had known I’d introduce you to all this stuff earlier”

You blushed purposefully.

“There’s no need to be ashamed, Y/N”

You nodded not looking at her.

“Let me help you a little” she grabbed you by your hand and led you to a chest of drawers in the corner of the room “We’ll take this and this” she gave you a black gag and a blindfold “Also these” she took handcuffs and a whip

You stared at all the things she have you and wondered if you for sure can do that.

Handcuffed and naked. That’s how you ended up in one room with no other than Wilhemina Venable.

“You can refer to me only as Miss Venable. Understood?”

“Yes, Miss Venable”

You watched intently as a smirked formed on her face.

“Such a naughty girl you’re, aren’t you, Y/N?”

“Miss Venable, I… I can explain”

“What exactly? How you flirt all the time? How you tease wearing all those short skirts or tigh jeans? Or maybe that you attend BDSM classes?”

“I…” you started, but no explanation came to your mind

“Thought so”

“Actually, I could ask you the same… You’re a member of BDSM community…”

“It’s none of your business what I am”

“Well, I guess my parents or people at the company would change their opinion about you completely…” she cut you off hitting your ass with a whip “Oh my God…”

“You little slut, you think you’re the one in power now? Because you met me here?”

“No… I think I’m the one in control, because you like me”

“I like you?” she laughed “Don’t flatter yourself”

“You do. You can’t deny. If you wouldn’t like me then I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

“You’re talking way too much, Y/N” she said reaching for the gag “Open your mouth”

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged

@misssmephisto

@cakexblankett

@cordwliagoode

#wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #ahs imagine #sarah paulson imagine #AHS #ahs apocalypse #part 1

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sandralagunzad · 5 years ago

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MIAMI BEACH- A Place I Never Expect To Call My Second Home

It all started when I decided to have my work and training in USA. I have always wanted to work abroad; not just to earn money, but also to grow in different aspects. There’s no doubt that the USA is one of the leading countries worldwide, and I believe that I’ll get great opportunities once I step in this country.

I started my application last January of 2018. After a few months of processing necessary documents needed, I flew to the USA in June of the same year. I was so stoked of what were in store for me in that journey.

I flew straight to Atlanta, Georgia to visit my sister first. After travelling for roughly 26 hours from Manila, it was comforting to see my sister. I almost got teary eyed as I hugged her. I couldn’t blame myself, I travelled alone in a completely strange place, and will be in a new environment. She lived there for 2 years, and I honestly missed being with her. I stayed for a little over 4 days before starting my journey in Miami. I was hesitant to stop by Atlanta before reporting in the property that I’ll be having my training with. Good thing I listened to my family, my sister got me goodies that I needed to settle in my apartment. Hehe thanks, Ate!

Miami is a crazy city- one of the busiest cities in the states and top tourist destination. As soon as I knew the city I was going to, I started researching about it. I saw a lot of GREAT pictures, and I can say that those pictures did justice to the place. Yes, Miami is that beautiful.

I started my J1 journey as a restaurant hostess for the first 4 months. I met a lot of nice guests along the way. I even met the nephew of Mother Lily Montenegro! At first glance I knew that he’s a Filipino, and I wasn’t wrong. He’s so nice, and I’m glad he had a great stay at Royal Palm. Going back, we had a training plan to follow as cultural exchange visitors. For every 3 months, we had to rotate positions within the department.

The property’s executive committees were checking on us and making sure we were having a great experience in the hotel. Three months into my training at the restaurant, our HR Director approached me and asked if I would be interested in other positions such as HR coordinator or Reservations coordinator. “Yes!”, I replied, “If given an opportunity it would be a great experience for me.”. Our HR director consulted this to the rest of the executive committee, and they have decided to open the position of Catering and Sales Specialist / Banquets Captain to me, as it was still related to Food and Beverage. And without hesitation, I accepted the job opportunity.

October 10, 2018- I officially became the new Catering and Sales Specialist. This time I told myself that this will be a new experience. I knew that this will not be easy, and will require high level of professionalism and critical thinking. I was very shy and soft-spoken when I started working in the office. You’ll just hear me say ‘Yes’ whenever something was asked of me. I won’t deny, I was scared of voicing out what was in my head. I was scared of giving suggestions or observations because I was afraid to make mistakes. Well, who would want to fail? I promised myself to learn as much as I can, and give every one with utmost respect.

Let me give you an overview of what were my duties and tasks as a Catering and Sales Specialist:

Always attend the 9am meeting with all the department heads, and report if the hotel has any group meetings / events of the day, and the status of in-house groups.

ALWAYS check e-mails and voice messages.

If there are any meetings or events during the day, make sure they have everything they need and fix whatever problem they have- it may be an issue with their sleeping room, meeting room, billings, food selections, etc.

ALWAYS BE ON THE FLOOR.

ALWAYS be on top of everything. Think ahead of time all the possible challenges that the event/meeting will encounter.

Prepare reports such as Group Resumes, Banquet Event Orders, Banquets Forecasts and Banquet Checks, Final Billing and Closing Log.

Be in touch with clients in detailing their incoming meetings/events in the property i.e., food selections, schedule of their programme/meeting, total number of people attending, if they have any dietary restrictions, table set up, audio/visual needs, and even decoration.

December to March is the high season in Miami. Most people in America are trying to stay warm on winter season, and have their Holidays in the Sunshine State. Indeed, in these times, Miami is packed with different tourist around the world. The historical Ocean Drive has different city-wide events especially this season. This only means that businesses are very much alive. Hotels are fully booked, restaurants have at least 15 minutes waiting time, bars and nightclubs are packed, and the streets are never empty. I bet you cannot imagine how busy it can get during these times.

ART BASEL 2018

April to May 2019 were a little lighter. I was able to move freely as my mind was not that stressed out. During this time, I was able to go out more often, and see Miami as it is. Not like the first months, I was just focused on work and had a home-work-home routine. It took quite a long time for me to get out of my comfort zone, to be confident with what I do. Don’t get me wrong, ever since I started working in the office, I gave my all. I walked extra mile with anything that I did. I just wished I did it sooner, to believe in myself. Anyway, I really had a great experience in Royal Palm. I learned A LOT.

I admit, I got really excited to be transferred to another department and position. Little did I know, things will get pretty heavy. I got overwhelmed with how much work I had to do. Everything was new to me. I had a little experience with handling big groups and clients. To be honest, I felt like being thrown into the ocean without knowing how to swim. I’m so lucky that I was surrounded with a great team that helped me and taught me everything that I needed to know.

I had countless breakdowns, not to exaggerate but I had it almost every night. I also had panic attacks much often than it used to. One time I had a rough day at work, I started crying on my way home. I didn’t care if I was on a jam-packed bus, tears started streaming down my face. I couldn’t help it. As time goes by, I was able to cope up. One day I found myself handling all things by myself. However, things got pretty much hectic with work on the first quarter of the year 2019. I was usually off during weekends, but since January came, sometimes I only got Sunday off. That was fine. I mean, it’s included as overtime. Lol!

I remember being nominated as the Associate Star of the Month twice- for the months of February and May. I didn’t expect being nominated, as I was struggling with work during those times. But it was really comforting to know that some people appreciated my hard work when I thought no one saw it.

I got attached. Yes, deeply attached with Miami. I got to experience living away from home, being independent, paying my own bills, being responsible with the basic stuff. I had a freedom. My freedom. It felt good to decide whatever I wanted for myself, at least for a few months.

The beach was just a few steps away from my apartment. I love spending Sunday afternoons at the beach with a bottle of beer. Who would’ve thought that this lady would love the beach so much? Lol. The ocean witnessed every emotion I felt in the duration of my stay. When I was happy, I was at the beach. When I was sad, the moon and stars listened to my story. When I missed home, the wind caressed me. When I got broken, the cold breeze sympathised with me. And when I thought that I found love again, the ocean was the first to witness.

I wanted to stay, but I guess it’s not God’s plan for me. Who knows, maybe sooner or later I will be back again. I really hope so.

I had a lot of down times, not to add the homesickness I felt. But I thank my friends I made along the way. They helped me cope up, they cheered me up. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do if they were not beside me.

I am grateful to experience the Miami vibe!

’Til next time, Vice City!

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drummergirl231-2 · 5 years ago

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So the plan is to disclose my Autism to my employer today.

I. Am. Terrified. And I don’t speak well when I’m terrified.

(Note: This post has basically become my journal for all this work craziness, and for the few of you following the ordeal, please skip to the bottom for the most recent update.)

Disclosing my Misophonia when I was first hired didn’t go well. I’d specifically applied to work on the stock team. I’d worked on a stock team before. I loved it. I was good at it. I could handle the work environment.

Fast forward to orientation at this new job. I find out during my orientation, after they’d interviewed and hired me, that I would be working at the registers for the first three months of my employment and then be moved to work on the sales floor, even though I specifically applied for the stock team.

I knew this would be awful with my Misophonia (never mind my Autism) so I went to talk to my boss at the end of the shift and disclosed my Misophonia and asked if I could work on the stock team.

She said, “Honey, if you have a disability, you need to disclose that in your job application or in the interview!” Well, no I don’t. Not by law. I’d been denied housing over Misophonia and Autism before. I wasn’t about to disclose it to a potential employer when it never really hindered me at my last stock team job.

She said, “There’s a spot on job applications where it asks you if you have a disability and you say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ You can’t lie on an application.” But that’s also wrong. The question is always, “Can you do the job for which you are applying with or without reasonable accommodation?” And of course, my answer was “Yes,” because I was applying for the stock team. And then sometimes there are some questions for statistics’ sake on a job application where it says “Do you have a disability?” and the answers are “Yes,” “No,” or “Choose not to answer.” I choose not to answer.

So I was not at all dishonest in my job application, but she was dishonest with me by hiring me for a job that is the exact opposite of what I applied for without even telling me in the interview what job I was really being interviewed for.

Then she said, “You have to tell people you have this, because I wouldn’t have hired you if I didn’t think you could do the job.” And this wasn’t a, “I believe you can do it and the proof is that I hired you!” This was a, “If you’d told me, I wouldn’t have made the mistake of offering you employment.” This was discrimination. And she said, “Do you think you can do this job?”

I tried to ask about the stock team again, and she said, “Well there are noises in the stock room, too... fans and other machines and people moving boxes...” She hadn’t heard of Misophonia five minutes before and now she was telling me what I could and couldn’t handle. But she gave me two options: try to work at the registers, or tell her, “Sorry, I guess I can’t work here after all.”

I did better than I expected at the registers, but the weird thing about Misophonia is that it sometimes eases up in new places temporarily. It still really messes with me, though. And working the registers is still terrifying because of my Autism, as is working the sales floor. I am not suited for this. If I belong anywhere in a retail store, it’s the stock room, working early in the morning when the store is closed.

I’m hypervigilant at work, terrified of customers (I had more verbally abusive customers over back-to-school season this year than I had over the whole year I worked there), I’m exhausted, I can barely maintain my weight (we’re talking 89 lbs on a 5′3″ frame on a good day... that’s 40 kg and 160 cm), and it’s only going to get worse with the holidays coming up.

I’d worked three Christmases in retail before working for this company, and I still loved Christmas, but after last year working for this company I started to hate Christmas, and I vowed to get out before this holiday season. It’s too late. I tried to get my old job back but that store has a new manager and she didn’t pick me, even though my previous boss there would offer me my job back whenever I was home from school without me even having to ask for it again. They liked me that much.

So my only options are 1. to suffer through this Christmas like last year, 2. quit without any other job lined up and no guarantee of employment when the holidays are over, or 3. try to disclose my Autism which has a huge flipping stigma attached to it and ask to be moved to the position in the store I applied for in the first place.

If she says “No,” I may have to quit anyway because I just can’t do this again. The other store never treated me like this (and they allowed me to practice my religious beliefs, too, which this store does not, violating Title VII). I feel so trapped and so lied to, tricked into doing a job that I just can’t handle, and I just know she’s going to turn it around on me and paint me as the dishonest one for not telling her about my Autism earlier.

Anyway, if you read all this... I am impressed. If you didn’t, I totally understand. If you’re the praying sort, please pray for me.

Update: Boss wasn’t there. She won’t be back ‘til Wednesday, so I’ll talk to her then. I did disclose my Autism to my favorite supervisor though, and she was cool. And she promised she wouldn’t tell anyone.

Another Update (10/22/19): Today a supervisor called me in to the office and had me shut the door. She had another person who does HR stuff there as a witness. She said the supervisor I’d talked to yesterday told them I wanted to be moved off the sales floor to accommodate a medical issue, and asked me if that was correct. I said. “Close to correct... but she said she wouldn’t tell anyone, so that’s cool...”

She told me that supervisor was required to tell management about this sort of thing, because if I have a disability that needs accommodating, I need to disclose that to management. I said, “I was going to disclose it to her” (my boss) “tomorrow when she’s back.” She said my boss is going on vacation though, so she’s acting as management.

So, with all my nervous ticks kicking in (excessive swallowing and inability to inhale so I constantly feel like I’m talking with the last bit of breath in my lungs) I told them everything. I told them I have Autism and applied to work on the stock team because I know I can do that well, how it would benefit the store to have me doing what I’m best at, how I was hired for a position I didn’t apply for and not told until orientation, how my boss said when I told her I have Misophonia “You have to disclose these things in your job application because I wouldn’t have hired you if I thought you couldn’t do this job,” how that made me afraid to talk about my Autism, and how by law I don’t have to say anything. I said I was only saying anything now because I’ve been dealing with burnout, and for the longest time I didn’t want to admit it because it’s retail and duh, we’re all stressed, but I never felt this kind of burnout working on the stock team of my other job. They only had me do sales floor stuff once a week, and that alone was exhausting for me. So I have grown in that area, but it’s still to much.

She said they definitely do want all their associates to be doing their best, so she was going to send in some accommodation work to people above her and they’d probably ask me for paperwork from my medical provider. I said, “I don’t have a medical provider. I don’t have insurance or a doctor... but I do have a letter from a counselor that says I’ve been diagnosed with Autism.”

She said, “I don’t know exactly what they’ll ask of you, but you’ll need to provide them with whatever paperwork they ask for and I’m gonna be honest, we’re heading into the fourth quarter here so I’m not sure what we’ll be able to do or how soon so for the time being you’ll have to keep working the sales floor.”

I don’t see why they can’t make the lateral move sooner. We’re hiring for the holidays. I’m sure they have a position open. Why not have me finish this week and next week, which I’m already scheduled for, and then put me in the stock room ‘just because’ while all this paperwork is being done to say I need to work back there because of my Autism? If this is going to take until January because they’re so busy with the holidays coming, I’ll have to leave my job.

Another Update (11/15/19): The good news is, they told me shortly after the above conversation that they heard back from the people above them and they said “We’re going to try to accommodate you the best we can.” The bad news is everything else. In this meeting, the same supervisor I’d talked to in the previous one, told me “We don’t have an actual stock team position. And [our manager] made that perfectly clear to you when she hired you and you disclosed your Misophonia, remember?” Why yes, she did, HOWEVER: that didn’t explain why they advertised an available stock team position which is what prompted me to apply in the first place, and it also doesn’t explain why there are certain people I never see working on the floor, but only ever in the stock room backstocking in the afternoons or evenings or receiving truck early in the morning (I only saw certain people the few times they had me do early morning sign changes last year).

But anyway, the supervisor kept insisting there is no stock team position and “since you’ve been here more than a year you should already know that,” but she was going to try to accommodate me as well as she could (funny they never asked for documentation of my Autism). She asked if I was willing to come in early in the morning a few times a week (3am) to receive truck, and I said yes, and she said they could train me to start doing omni, which is preparing customers’ orders and packing them and running around the store looking for things people have ordered. I’d be behind the scenes more, but still might get stopped by customers. At least I’d have a scanner on me, whereas a lot of our floor associates don’t get scanners because they’re all in use when they show up. Now I should note that after my first conversation with the supervisor I keep talking about, she paged me to call her, and I did, and she said, “Hey so would working at the registers be a better fit for you?” and I was like, “No... that’d... kinda be the opposite of what I need.” She said, “Okay. Just wanna make sure I ask for the right thing when I talk to the people above us about what accommodations you’re asking for.” Like was I not clear in our meetings that I need to be BEHIND the scenes? After that, I had to finish out my two weeks I was already scheduled for working the floor. They started having me do a little omni training in the middle of my floor shifts over the next couple weeks, but things were crazy because they kept asking me to back up registers while I was doing omni. Oh, and I still had my departments to worry about.

Then, on Monday 11/11/19, another supervisor, a guy, told me I’d be doing omni for my five hour shift that day. Yay! But then after one successful hour of omni, he put me on the registers for the rest of the day, and denied me a break multiple times when I asked because there was a line and apparently no one else to back up (and that’s weird, because normally floor associates back up the registers, not omni associates). I was 3.5 hours into my shift before I was allowed a break, and by then my stomach hurt pretty badly. And then I tried truck early in the morning, and while I felt like an absolute zombie afterwards, I really enjoyed it, because there were no bloodthirsty customers, you know? And the person in charge that day told me what a great job I did. The next truck went pretty well, too. But then today I had a 7.5 hour shift from 11:30am to 7pm, and yet another supervisor told me, “Hey so today you’re my go-to back up person for registers. When you’re not backing up, run 500s from customer service.” (500s are go-backs). I probably spent half of my shift if not more at those registers, including covering someone’s lunch which should have been 30 minutes long but wound up being an hour long with no explanation. Then, after my first break, when the supervisor I’d had the meetings with took over as the main supervisor for the day, she had me switch gears to running more 500s. I had a new scanner which I’m not familiar with so when I scanned the items, which didn’t seem to belong anywhere, I couldn’t see if they were clearance or not. They didn’t have clearance tickets, either. Many of them were still coming up in the scanner as costing quite a bit of money, and some were sweaters, so I tried to find places for them with signs that matched their price point or even with things that looked exactly like them. After making me back up at registers again, the supervisor called me over and she was standing with another associate and she said to me, “Hey, are you scanning 500s when you put them back?” I said, “Uh-huh. Why?” She looked me right in the eye and said, “Are you sure?” I said, “Yeah. Why?” She said, “Really?” I said, “Yeah.” She said, “How do you find where things go?” And I said, “I look for the same item, and if I don’t find any, I scan the item, look at the price, and try to find the right sign. And if I don’t find the right sign, I try to see if it’s clearance but I don’t know how to tell on the new scanners, so worst comes to worst, I put the item in the back of a fixture with something similar under a sign that has the same price point so customers don’t get ticked off at us.” She said, “Well everything you were putting back is clearance.” I could tell some of it was because of how cheap it was so I put some things in clearance, but for the other things I couldn’t tell. She told me to scan the item so I did, then she showed me where it says it’s clearance. On the old scanner, you swipe right twice and it’ll have a big colorful bubble where it tells you its status: blue for sale, purple for clearance, hot pink for a sale not advertised, you get the idea. But on this scanner, where it says if it’s clearance, it’s buried in a long list of teeny tiny unremarkable black letters with a white background, completely indistinguishable from anything else around it if you look too quickly, and it’s not two swipes to the right. It’s on the first page if you scroll down a bunch. Of course I didn’t see it when I’m used to things being big and colorful and two swipes to the right! But then my supervisor said, “Don’t lie to me.” I was shocked. “What?” She said, “I’m not having this conversation out here on the floor,” and she started to walk away from me and I was like, “I didn’t lie to you! I couldn’t see where it said if it was clearance or not because I’m not used to this scanner.” And she said, “I’m not gonna have this conversation with you out here. Just make sure when you scan something you put it back where it goes. I know some stuff looks similar, but this was all in the wrong spot. So go work on the fitting rooms.”

I cannot believe after a year of working there and showing nothing but honest character she would accuse me of lying to her face. I only made a mistake. It was rude and unprofessional of her to accuse me of something so base and then to try and shut me up by saying, “I’m not going to talk about this on the floor.” Well if she didn’t wanna talk about it on the floor, she shouldn’t have called me a liar on the floor. And in front of another associate, too! Also, I hate the new scanners.

Interesting that after our first meeting, she asked me if I would be better off at registers, and when I told her that was the worst place for me, they literally started putting me on registers almost non-stop. It’s like they’re trying to force me out. I wonder if that’s the reason they didn’t ask for my paperwork on my diagnosis... so if I get to the point where I quit (and I am close), and if I take them to court (which I’d love to do if I can), they can say, “Whaaaat? We didn’t force her out... Autism? She doesn’t even have any disability on record with us...”

Update (11/17/19): Hoooooo boy.

Okay. So since there are so many different supervisors and stuff I’m gonna start assigning fake names to everyone so it’s easier to tell them apart: manager: Staci supervisor I talk about most who’s giving me a hard time: Loretta supervisor who didn’t let me take a break: Kyle supervisor who wanted me to be the go-to backup cashier on Friday: Hugo supervisor who I initially disclosed to that told the other managers: Becky supervisor who runs truck unloading: Shawna This morning I had a truck unloading shift from 3-7am after only two hours of sleep (thank you cat), and there were tons of new people who don’t know the store or the brands or layout or who even know to sort petite and plus sizes from misses sizes, so Shawna was like constantly screaming at everyone like “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE?! AM I YOUR BABYSITTER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING AROUND TALKING?!” Other associate: “I’m teaching the new people, Shawna!” It was annoying. Oh, and I had cramps and was dizzy. Extra fun.

Then at the end of my shift, I clocked out and went to find Loretta to talk to her 1. about how much they were making me do register backup, and 2. to ask for an apology for calling me a liar. So I found her out on the floor (we were still closed at this point) and asked her “Can I talk to you about some things?” And she was like, “Sure, what’s going on?” and I’d hoped to talk in the office but I was like, “Okay... well, you know how after our first conversation about accommodations you asked me over the phone if I’d do better on registers I said ‘No?’” She said, “Mm-hm.” I said, “Well... after working out the two weeks I was already scheduled for, of the shifts I’ve had while the store was open, I’ve been doing mostly register backup. And Monday I had a 12-5 shift which was supposed to be omni but after an hour I got put on registers and wasn’t allowed to take a break for...” and she was like, “Wasn’t allowed to, or you forgot to ask for it?” and I said, “Oh I asked, like two or three times.” And she said, “Who was the supervisor that day?” But like Kyle was nearby and so I just mouthed his name (his real name) and she was like, “What? D’you wanna talk in the office?” and I said, “Yeah, sure.” So she snags Hugo, who’s like, 2nd in command, to come with us and at my mother’s suggestion I pulled out my phone and said, “Can I record this conversation?” And Loretta said, “No, you cannot.” And I said, “Why not?” and she said, “Because you’re in the workplace.” I said, “...Yeah...?” She said, “It’s illegal.” I said, “Really?” she said, “Yes,” so I said “Okay...” and didn’t record. I looked it up when I got home. It’s totally legal. It’s just that in California both parties have to consent to the recording, which I figured, hence why I asked.

So I told her and Hugo what happened on Monday with working the registers for 4 hours and not being allowed a break and how much my stomach hurt by the time I was finally allowed to go on break, and I mentioned how normally it’s floor associates who get asked to back up and not omni and Loretta was like, “No Kristen, everyone backs up. You’ve been here a year. You should know that.” Okay but when things are busy though, normally floor associates are the first ones they call up. I was the first one. Hugo explained that that day there were fewer online orders coming in than they anticipated, so they had to reshuffle us a bit. Well and good. I wish they’d made someone else do registers, though.

Then I talked to them about how Hugo and then Loretta had me back up at registers a lot on Friday. So Hugo was like, “So you did tell Loretta though you’d be willing to back up occasionally, right?” and I said, “Yeah I mean if things are totally nuts I don’t wanna leave you guys high and dry but being the go-to backup person is like... too much.”

So Hugo tried to get me to get it “set in stone,” how much I should back up, and I explained how that’s a little tricky with the anxiety I have because of my Autism, but we agreed 20 minutes for every hour and a half, or basically just having me cover people’s 15 minute breaks plus the time it takes them to walk to and from the break room. He was trying to work with me, which was great, but I felt like he was trying to see how much he could get me to work at the registers instead of how little. At the same time, we did basically set a cap on how much I could handle, so that’s something.

Then he asked, “Do you have any other concerns?” and I said, “Yeah, I wanted to talk to Loretta about a conversation we had on Friday...” and Loretta was like, “I don’t remember talking to you on Friday.” Convenient. But she would. I kinda hinted I wanted to talk to her privately and Hugo offered to leave but Loretta was like, “It’s okay. He’s management, too. Anything you can say to me you can say in front of him.” Well alright then, if she insisted...

So I reminded her that she started having me run 500s, and how after making me back up at registers she called me over and asked me if I was scanning things before putting them back like three times in a row and then she went, “Yeah and I remember asking you to be honest with me, because...” and I said, with Hugo as my witness, “No. Your exact words were, ‘Don’t lie to me.’ I have worked here for over a year and I have never once lied to you or anyone else here. I don’t know if maybe you’ve been lied to a lot by other associates, but I don’t do that. I’m unfamiliar with the new scanners and that’s why I didn’t see where it said it was clearance, because on the old ones it’s two swipes to the right and then it shows up in a big color-coded bubble what the item’s status is, and it’s not buried in a long list of tiny black letters on a white background on the bottom of the first page like on the new ones. It wasn’t right to accuse me of something so base as to lie to you in front of another associate, and then to walk away and say, ‘I’m not having this conversation with you out here on the floor.’ If you didn’t want to have this conversation out on the floor, you should not have accused me of lying to you out on the floor. I went into the fitting room after that and couldn’t stop crying.”

As I expected, she blame shifted back to me saying from her perspective, since it said on the scanner it was clearance, of course she thought I wasn’t being honest with her. And she said if I’m going to make mistakes, then as a supervisor, she is going to coach me. Ummm yeah, coaching doesn’t involve attacks on someone’s character. And defending herself by saying well if I hadn’t blah blah blah, that’s a tactic I used to use with my parents when I was twelve! I wanted to tell her what my parents used to tell me: This isn’t about me, this is about you.

But I said, “And after you showed me on the new scanner where it said it was clearance, I corrected my behavior. I made sure to be careful and check every item. So that’s done. That’s taken care of. But you still shouldn’t have accused me of lying to you.”

And then she was like, “I’m sorry you feel like I was accusing you of lying, but you have to understand that if you’re doing your job incorrectly, it’s my job to...” and more rot about her “coaching.” Okay so first she says to me that from her perspective of course she thought I was lying, and then she says, “I’m sorry you feel like I was calling you a liar, but...?” Like, no. She can’t have it both ways like that. And that was no apology. “I’m sorry you feel,” is how narcissists try to manipulate and pacify their victims, and it does not work on me.

Nevertheless she refused to apologize to me AND was then like, “But why couldn’t you see it says it’s clearance?” I said, “Because I’m used to the old scanners,” and she said, “Didn’t you look at all? What’s the difference?” So I had to explain to her, AGAIN, how I’m used to the color-coded bubbles and how it was in a different spot and I couldn’t see the “Status: Clearance,” when it was buried in a list. “Everything was the same font. Nothing was bolded, italicized, underlined, or distinguishable from anything around it in any way, and it was on a different page than I expected, so of course I didn’t see it.” I need colors. I need different things to look different. That’s how my brain works.

By the end of the conversation, Loretta was still refusing to apologize to me (and she’s developed a twitch by her mouth) and Hugo was saying how he’s sorry that happened to me and he certainly doesn’t want me to be crying in the fitting rooms. “We want everyone to be happy when they’re here.” He’s sweet but he wants the impossible. This company consistently gives stores a limited budget for scheduling so we are always understaffed. We’re the biggest store of our chain of stores in the area and we still only have two cashiers working at a time (one at the men’s side registers and one at misses’) and 1 associate for every 2-4 departments. Even at Christmastime, they increase the number of cashiers, but not floor associates. It’s insane.

So anyway I’ve decided to quit, but now the question is when. Because since Hugo has put in the effort to work with me and set a cap on my register time, it seems like it’d be in bad taste for me to leave now. And while working out a two weeks notice is common courtesy, I looked it up and it’s advised if I’m being abused or if I feel unsafe or if the job is detrimental to my physical or mental health (and by golly it’s taking its toll), then I can quit without notice, so long as I’m aware it may leave a bad taste in their mouths.

But I feel like I should at least see if they stick to their 20 minute backup deal, because if they don’t, and if I can take them to court later for failure to accommodate my “disability,” as well as my religious practices, I’d need a solid case, and a judge will want to see I did everything I could from my side. But man, I hope I can leave before Black Friday. Apparently working omni on Black Friday is a nightmare because orders get cancelled and then angry customers call to yell at omni on the phone and with my Autism I have phone anxiety just talking to nice people, much less customers who want me dead.

Update 12-15-19

So Black Friday wasn’t the nightmare I thought it’d be. And working omni and truck hasn’t been so bad, except for the weird sleep schedule.

But this month, they started cutting my hours instead of giving me more. Last year at this time, I was working 35 hours per week. This year? 12 hours the week of Dec 8th-14th 8 hours for Dec 15th-21st and next week, the week of Christmas: 4 hours.

FOUR FLIPPING HOURS THE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS and it’s RETAIL!

And they don’t even have me doing omni anymore. Just truck. I couldn’t have been that bad at omni! What the actual living heck?!

#personal post #trigger warning #autism #asperger's syndrome #discrimination in the workplace #misophonia

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