#and do a slow turnaround

[cjgladback]

[ID: The cartoonish 3D face of an anthropomorphic cactus lady with a yellow cape and large sunhat resting on her back. She is cycling through facial expressions from having both eyes and her mouth closed to open and back, with some asymmetrically mismatched timing showing her eyes and each side of her mouth are individually controlled. End ID]

Behold, the best part of character rigging (neck and neck with goofy poses before you fix automatic bone weights): doofy faces! It's been a hot second since I connected shape keys to a rig via drivers, either because I have learned the benefits of freely moveable face parts or because I haven't gotten as far as facial rigs on a relatively human face for a while. But this darlin's cute little u-shaped smile demanded the precision, especially when the animation of her face is so far down my priority list for recreation of a still image.

Therefore, stream this morning started with recalling and applying this process so that I can include facial expression in the actions once I'm back to the animation work. Then I got to improving the textures on the cactus herself--most notably the contrast between her "hair" and "skin" base colors and essentially overlining her mouth and eyes so they stay appropriately readable while closed. Not sure whether tomorrow will be about further texturing (basically none of the materials are complete, though the flat-color cape here is the most naked and taffy-like of what is modeled) OR about making the cactus spines less slapdash (they're currently an unapplied geo nodes setup that has some pop in and out when movement results in more or less surface area of a vertex color; now that I have more time and intend more smoothly animated close-ups, whatever they end up as needs to be applicable before the armature modifier). If I finish the cactus spines and add some more wobble control for her bangs, I could say I'm done with her and feel more comfortable getting a little messy with the cape rig that will have to reference her arms, spines and all.

[chrisrin]

half the song’s boards are preeettyy much done! (YIPPEE!!) later half is going to be more action-y and dynamic (MANIFESTING) so itll prolly take me longer but im on solid pace rn with it

[rookflower]

actually fuck it. give me a pokemon and i will maybe warriorcatify them

[sysig]

Happy New Years y'all

[rootsofdread]

hello everyone! i had a question i'd like to ask :-)

[dilfosaur]

well i haven't spilled my guts on tumblr since i was in college but it's the platform that's felt The Most Mine thru the years, so

let's talk!

i've had a huge chip on my shoulder that i wanted off before the year ends. very bad professional experience to follow

so firstly to get ahead of the speculating, i'm not naming names or anything. some of you will puzzle out who i'm talking about, but please don't bother anyone especially not on my behalf. i've worked hard to distance myself from them the past few months. shit happens, especially when you're a dumb bitch (that's me!)

but also this person was someone i considered a close friend and it makes me uneasy to possibly direct backlash at them. "then why post about it" bc i did intermittent work for them for over a year. this is just about that. so hear me out

basically it started off fine. i initially did some commission work for good pay, then was invited to become more involved with their team. unfortunately as i became more involved with their operation it became more disorganized over time. projects started then forgotten, constantly shifting schedules, lapsing communication between roles, confusing financials, and often inconsistent if not late payments. during mid 2023 i was doing colorist work, sometimes on a one day turnaround (all while also preparing drawfee's summer merch launch). the payroll wasn't set up correctly so i wasn't paid for that work for over a year (more on that later), tho to be fair that was largely my own fault at first as i just didnt realize the payments didn't go thru lol

i always consider myself decently capable of separating friendship and coworker-ship; i run a company with 4 wonderful friends, going strong for almost 5 years. that didn't really work out in this case. by early this year our friendship was on the rocks; work issues fed into personal issues and vice versa. so as the rest of this shit plays out, we had just had our first "big fight" which i felt very bad about and added to all the upcoming tension

a huge point of friction was the fact that i really wanted to work with them to make a music video for one of their songs. i've always wanted a chance to make a music video, was confident in a concept i came up with, and even did some concept art for the idea. everyone insisted they loved the concept and that we should do it, but we kept pushing it back for various reasons. it ended up becoming a huge sticking point for my frustrations, which i tried to express productively. TLDR, we eventually got around to discussing it seriously around april.

i planned to ask for $4000 with negotiable add-on for the whole project, which was my Friend Discount price. i was offered a contract for $1000 flat rate, as they insisted that was the only budget they had for it.

don't ask me why i signed it lol. i didn't even counter offer

there was some girlmath to it: i wanted an extra 1k for a student scholarship i provide every spring and well, there it was. but if i had to guess, i saw it as something i just couldn't back down from any more. i caused these folks- my friends- a lot of problems bc i dug my heels in so deep to chase this project, so fuck it we ball

i had about 4 months to solo a 3 minute music video. they wanted it done in august so they could release it before summer ended, bc "it was a summer song". to be fair i was asked if i needed them to pay for anything extra like assistants (which i would have to find and manage) but i was so immediately overwhelmed that i didn't wanna slow down to wait on that process lol. there was very minimal communication other than brief progress check-ins every few weeks. i did everything for that project myself: the original concept, character designs, storyboards, layouts, backgrounds. i even did the editing/compositing for the final cut of the MV. the only favor i did myself was limiting the amount of it that was actually animated to simple loops and motions. hardly my best work but it was work still done

i did it all in between my full time job. i ended up having to take nearly a month away from most of my drawfee duties (with the support of the others) to make the august deadline. i only ever asked for a 3 day extension (notice given about a week in advance, around the same time i was given the final song file lol). i finished the music video at 6am on the final deadline and recorded drawfee the next day on 2 hours of sleep

but it was done, coolies. the team was very happy with the final product. honestly, without getting into it, those were a very emotionally taxing 4 months. on the professional side, i regretted agreeing to the project and especially for the dogshit rate they offered. i felt like a hypocrite- as someone who always wanted to advocate for younger artists demanding their worth in a world that's getting increasingly hostile toward creatives, i failed myself

so when i met with the manager to discuss the release plan, i told them to do whatever worked best for them as i only had one request: i wanted my credit removed from the project

tbh... like... lmao this dramatic bitch right!! but really, i decided that bad practices only breed worse business. friends or not, it was unprofessional of me to accept such a low paying job so i just didn't want my name used in association. everything felt so muddled to me and i was just really tired at this point

the manager was very understanding and then offered that i could be paid more. they said that their team "was surprised" i accepted their low rate and they would be happy to up the amount. this confused me as the initial budget seemed pretty set and at no point between april and august was i offered a better rate. i knew these guys weren't made of money. so, i declined. i didn't want to put anyone out of their means over work that was already done and agreed upon. but more importantly, i was over the whole thing and didn't want to prolong the project with a contract renegotiation. i just insisted my name be removed

they decided to use a pseudonym (which i was fine with) so they could create a story about a character who made the MV (this sounds really convoluted but i don't know how better to put it without getting specific, sorry). that way if people asked about the credit, they could speak comfortably about it without signaling that something went wrong behind the scenes. ok, kind of a silly narrative imo but whatevs. and maybe this is where i finally went truly wrong but. yolo i guess

i gave the name "D. Smithee", D as in dilfosaur and Smithee as in Alan Smithee. look it up for fun film trivia ig! was it passive aggressive of me to reference that in this context? yeah, honestly. but i thought it was kinda funny and really not that deep. if it was a problem, i have other real, non-cheeky pseudonyms i regularly use. the manager accepted it and all i had to do was wait for them to post the video and i could leave the whole experience behind me

a week later i received a message from the manager that my pseudonym had been denied by the rest of the team bc one of them got the reference. fair enough lol. however, they decided that rather than ask for a different name, the were going to make one up for me that they liked and would "fit the [story]", without asking me

and that! is when i finally snapped!

i was so tired of giving them concessions at this point and having a credit made up for me without any input from me felt genuinely violating and unethical. i started to Panic bc of how stressed i was, and asked for my overdue payments (aka the $500 still owed on the MV, and the colorist rate from a year prior that was never paid even tho i reported it in january) to be scheduled ASAP as i was leaving the work discord immediately

i finally told them off for exploiting me throughout the months while i kept trying to just be nice and finish my contact cleanly. in return i was told that it was unfair to say that as i agreed to everything- i accepted their cheap rate and denied further payment so that was all settled, and it was ok to change my credit without my consent bc i "said they could do whatever with the release". i called bullshit, ended the convo as kindly as i could, and cried lol. they agreed to ditch the pseudonym and just give no credit. that night was the last i heard from anyone on that team

and the real kicker?

august came and went. then september, october... and they never released the music video

and i don't know why, because i was never contacted about it. i've been removed from the picture entirely i guess. 4 months and boatloads of stress. just. up in smoke. i don't know what i expected honestly

it's hard to not take everything that happened personally and as done in bad faith. i really do, honestly. i've had plenty of shitty deals in my almost 10 year art career, but it hits different from people you saw as friends. but to the point of "why not keep it private", i have never felt so disrespected as a professional as i did this past year. i can toy with money and credits and other formalities all i want, but my work- my ideas, my labor, my effort- is still so important to me. i felt like the biggest idiot for doing so much work, pouring so much of myself into a piece for someone's use, for what has amounted to nothing

but more importantly i hated myself for undervaluing my work, even if initially i thought this person was a trusted friend. money is not really an issue for me- drawfee is my main job and i am fine and comfortable. it's so important to pay artists appropriately but i often undersell my own work bc i value the collaboration and passion between creatives more than the reward. i think a lot of artists tend to feel the same, and it often makes us easy to take advantage of. it's so difficult to find the balance between passion and making a fair living, and i think there's some shame within ourselves when artists choose to prioritize that passion

i wanted to finally get all this off my chest bc i was ashamed of every choice i made. things like this happen all the time i'm sure and hiding these mistakes only make it easier for it to happen to other people

tldr always value your work and protect your passion from people who just see it as a product. and don't give cheeky pseudonyms i guess lol

(and again pls don't bother anyone involved about this. a lot of chaos has left my life as i moved past all this, and this is me closing a door without opening new ones hopefully lol)

this shit was truly

so ass.

but i'm moving past it now

but on a nicer note. outside of all of this nonsense, i made lots of good memories this year. i'm truly so grateful to the many wonderful people in my life who keep me going even when i fuck up big time!

and thank you to all of you strangers who, despite everything, give me the time of day. especially if you read this whole thing. you're a real one :')

happy new year!

[somecunttookmyurl]

i'm medicated now and caffeine still does literally nothing because of my aforementioned-several-times-in-the-notes liver enzyme issue that metabolises it too fast

this is not an adhd post. yes adhd contributed to the lack of mental effect from caffeine and in hindsight it is hysterical nobody noticed i have understimulation syndrome, but that isn't solely - or even mostly - why

caffeine has no physical or mental effect on me, even with massive doses of amphetamine, because it LITERALLY noclips through my liver like a bethesda game. like physically.

a fun and fucked up fact about me is that when i was in sixth form (16-18), approximately 10 years prior to being diagnosed ADHD, i drank SO MUCH store brand energy drink that 2 things happened

1) It became such an obvious and well known Thing about me that my tutors started putting "too much red bull can kill you" news articles on the walls. These were not present in rooms I didn't have classes in. It was not a college-wide initiative. That was for me, specifically. Nobody said it but we all knew.

2) Several friends suggested, in all seriousness, I contact the Guinness Book of Records to set a record for "most caffeine consumed with no physical effect" after I had 3x 1 litre bottles in about an hour and my heart rate was still exactly the same and nothing about my demeanour had changed at all. Meanwhile Ryan had 1 bottle and was physically vibrating. Because he's normal.

(I didn't do it because it would require having a medical professional present the whole time to verify and like absolutely nobody with a medical degree is going to do that in good conscience)

[starweed]

i love math, like genuinely

it gets a lot of hate everywhere because it was everyone’s least favorite class

but it’s so fun to figure out, it’s so rewarding for me to solve equations

i no where near the best at math, but i love learning different ways to do and solve things

i love learning new techniques that build off of things i’ve learned

you can also see why things are the way they are, there are clear steps that get explained and there are valid reasons why

it’s just so fun, figuring out why things the way they are

it’s mentally challenging as well, it gives me challenges, trying to figure out the right way to do things

if i don’t understand something there are resources i can use to figure it out (be it stuff i’ve already done, a teacher, the internet)

this is the first year i’ve ever really loved math, but it’s been really fun to fall in love with

[pinkhairswagtourney]

please help a disabled lesbian take care of her infant niece (URGENT)

please help me. please. i’m only one person, i can only take so much before i lose it. it's been one thing after another after another and i'm at my wit's end. i can't do this alone

in the last month: my grandma passed away, our family dog passed away, my hydradenditis has flared up under my arms and my chest, and the icing on the cake is my sister is in jail and i’ve been tasked with taking care of my niece until she gets out. i have no clue when that will be, her next court date is the 17th. and this is all on top of the hell i’ve been going through the last year

i can’t even afford to feed myself or buy my medicine or pay my bills, let alone afford to take care of an infant who completely relies on me. i don’t even care if i have food or insulin at this point, please PLEASE help me take care of my niece. she’s going to need diapers and wipes very soon and she has food for now but will need more within the next two weeks? i’m not sure, i’m not equipped to deal with this but i’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that she is taken care of

i take art commissions, the turnaround time is obviously going to be slow right now but i’m more than happy to complete any requests, the link can be found below. if you’re not interested in art but still want to help, please consider sending a few dollars my way – every little bit helps more than you even know

PLEASE BOOST THIS.

commissions post p-yp-l c-sh-pp k-fi

[usedpidemo]

Codependency (Ive Yujin)

On one side, there’s a mansion worthy portrait of you on the wall. On the other, wards and recognitions from numerous governing bodies with your name plastered in remembrance. The public knows more about the brand than the people behind it; that’s how business works. Unless your name happens to be Musk, Bezos, or Zuckerberg.

You’re nowhere near their level of wealth and influence—far from it—yet this entire building’s future rests on your shoulders. It’s not as easy as it looks.

You’ve always credited your guardian angel for keeping you from harm your entire life. It sounds religious, but from personal experience, it’s real. 

She’s guiding you from the secluded corner of your office.

—————

“And that’s how we’ll proceed with operations moving forward,” you say to the executives in the room—except they're not physically there. Their faces are projected on screen, joining from different countries, with some even joining from home. To be quite frank, you understand very little about your own presentation, and had your acting not been Oscar-worthy, there’s more that would appear absurd than believable. “Do we have any questions?”

For the most part, the top brass appear to be in unanimous agreement with everything that has been laid out. Not a single question, complaint, or rebuttal from anyone.

“Well done, officer. You seem to have a complete grasp and understanding of the situation,” says one of the chiefs, his ripe old age showing through his slow, strained tone. 

Another suit, much closer to your age—albeit barely (he’s in his mid-forties)—adds, “We expect an immediate turnaround, otherwise we may have to cut even more of our divisions off. Should this plan fail, we anticipate closure of even more of our departments, including yours.”

It’s not the most concerning thing you’ve heard this week, but it’s definitely up there–at least top three.

Nevertheless, you remain firm and bow to your superiors as you end the meeting. “Thank you sirs. We will do our best.”

As soon as the video call ends, you let out this deep sigh of relief that’s been repressed the entire time. Thank goodness you have an entire building floor and private office to yourself. 

“Well fuck me,” you mutter, seemingly speaking to the void, taking all the deep breaths you need, wiping the sweat across your head with some tissue. “Tell me I followed through on everything, right?”

“Yeah. Apart from mixing a few things, you mostly got it.” Yujin’s voice emerges from the far end of the room, covered in darkness, away from anyone’s view. The papers on your desk aren’t actually documents or paperwork. In reality, they’re pages of a manuscript with a few instructional, handwritten notes attached. It’s not even your own writing; they’re curated by none other than Yujin herself. “I’d say I wouldn’t have noticed, even if they were a little too obvious at times.”

“These conferences are fucking tiresome. Nauseating even,” you reply. Yujin opens up the blinds, and you stagger away from the immediate sunlight piercing through the room. Simply put, you just want to throw up after yapping all that incomprehensible jargon. “You know what—why don’t we switch places next time? I think you’d be better at this than me, like you already are with everything.”

An unusual comment for the director to make to his assistant, but it’s true. Yujin is so good in every department that it’s borderline farcical. She’s incredibly reliable to the point where you’ve basically deferred nearly every task to her, leaving you with the most boring parts of your job, which mostly comprises of company meetings and private calls. She’s a relatively new hire, having worked in your department for a little over a year, yet her rise up the ranks has been nothing short of absurd. 

“Please, let’s not get carried away,” she softly laughs, flashing a lovely smile you never grow tired of seeing—and you see her as soon as you walk into the building till you clock out.  “I’m fine with the research and paperwork. Regardless of what you want to believe, I think you sold it well.”

You slump back in your chair, somewhat bothered at just how unbothered Yujin is. How she’s able to take all your responsibilities that you should be doing, and without protest. One look at her features tells you all you need to know: that she’s happy to work for you. She could easily be in your position right now, putting you through this exact hell. She could be on that screen making those very threats on your job, in fact. Instead, she prefers to be your subordinate.

If that wasn’t enough of an example, she’s gathering the papers on your desk, putting them back together, good as new. Then she brings you a cup of water from the dispenser. She’s enumerating a list of other, just as unintelligible things that may or may not be important to your discussion earlier. Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting in that chair, your thoughts wandering aimlessly, thinking about anything that isn’t work. It’s almost noon, yet your mind just wants to check out for the rest of the day.

“Um—sir? You okay?” Yujin waves a hand right in your face, snapping you from your tired daze.

You tilt up to her gaze, eyes weary. “Yeah. I’m just—tired.”

“Do you want me to leave? I’ll go and sort out the upper management on your behalf if you’re not feeling well.”

“Don’t.” You rise from your seat, telling her, “I’ll take care of it. Go and have lunch,” as you point at your wristwatch, both hands closely pointed at the top.

“You sure? You should go have lunch too,” she replies, showing an alarming amount of concern that it’s almost comical. “Don’t worry about me.”

Shaking your head, you respond, flashing a light grin to reassure her, “I can talk to them at any time. T your break. I’ll call you when I need anything.” 

—————

Truth be told, you didn’t want to see her for the rest of the day, let alone seek her help. 

Yujin is only one call away. After all, she’s your assistant, down to working right outside your office. She’s working on whatever nonsense you’ve assigned her, showing no signs of slowing down. Meanwhile, you can barely call today productive; you’ve only completed two pages of a draft for next week’s presentation. In the time spent between slowly chopping away and stalking her from behind the door, her pretty profile a sight for sore eyes, she’s probably completed this week’s assignments and halfway through the next. She’s that efficient.

Hours pass, until the day finally ends at five. At exactly the top of the hour, she lets herself into your office, her pleasant attitude still in full bloom. “Already completed all the tasks for today. How about you?”

Yujin is not even trying to gloat—not in the slightest—yet it sounds like a punch to the gut. You can only slam your chin flat on the desk in despair, shooting a tired glare at her. She tries to muffle her chuckle, trying to keep herself professional, not realizing you’ve already seen through her facade.

“You want me to help you out? I don’t mind working an hour longer if you need it.” She’s peeking her head over the laptop display, examining for the proof of concept—or lack thereof. “Didn’t I tell you to leave this five plan strategy to me?”

This amount of confidence should leave you battered and deflated. And yet, there’s a sense of relief knowing Yujin will get the job done no matter what you ask of her. It’s enough to turn that frown into a faint, encouraging grin. 

“I guess so,” you tell her, putting down the screen. Getting up from your chair, you close the window blinds and block out the setting sun. “Maybe I’m just tired of deferring all my responsibilities to you, that’s all.”

Her smile looks innocent, demure even, it doesn’t make sense as to how irrevocably kind she is to you. As far as you know, your employees consider you as shrewd and as scummy as your superiors. Forget that you’ve been working here longer; they consider everyone that isn’t their fellow rank a corporate dirtbag who’d step over others the first opportunity they can. It’s a vicious cycle. To have someone like Yujin feels like an anomaly. 

“Don’t worry about it, that’s why I’m getting paid right?” she answers back, pressing her palms on your desk. “Just do what you can and I’ll handle the rest.”

You’re pouring an espresso into a cup, before offering the drink to her. “We should talk, Yujin,” you say, filling up a separate glass with your own. Your fourth shot. “You got a minute or two?” 

“Sure. I always have time for you.” Yujin sits up, taking the drink into her hand, crossing her leg. It’s nearly impossible to look anywhere else but on them. As if she couldn’t be any more perfect, in mind, character, and body. “Is there anything bothering you lately?”

Sitting across her with only a desk separating you, the words never come out. You’ve got plenty on your mind: the messy state of your department, the unreasonable expectations and demands of your superiors, the possibility of losing your job—and Yujin. She’s sitting right there, ready to hear you out, but you never find the conviction to confess your worries. The next few minutes are awkward silence, only broken by the occasional stir of teaspoon and the sip of coffee. It isn’t that she renders you speechless, though one would fairly assume as to why: she’s pleasant to look at, among other things. It also helps that her outfits have been getting skimpier over the past few weeks. Unsurprisingly, you let the flagrant violation of the dress code go unpunished. 

“Sir? Is everything okay?” Yujin leans her head forward, noticing that you’re lost in thought. She places her cup on the desk. “What’s wrong?”

Your eyebrows instinctively rise. That glimmer of hope you showed moments ago disappears. What’s left is despair. “I think we might be fucked, Yujin.”

“Fucked? What do you mean by that?”

“We’re fucked. Like, we could be out of a job fucked.”

“Explain?” Yujin cannot comprehend it—then again, anyone else would react the same way. “Didn’t we give the board a five step plan earlier today?”

“We did,” you reply, finally mustering the strength to meet her eyes. “But here’s the thing: we don’t have the financial or human capacity to execute the plan. At least, in the time they demanded.”

“And? We did the research and even the hypotheticals!” You’ve never heard Yujin raise her voice even once—until now. “What could go wrong exactly?”

“They think we can course correct years worth of bad financial decisions in just a few months. That’s the problem. Either way, we’re fucked.”

“I don’t believe you.” Yujin forcefully rises from her seat, threatening to flip the desk. If she only had the strength. “After all the time I spent working on it, you want to wave the white flag and give up?”

You don’t really know how to answer her. At least, in a way that’s remotely graceful and easy to understand. 

“I’m sorry, Yuj, but no matter what—”

“I’m trying—so fucking hard—” she huffs, her fist clenching, trembling violently— “to carry your fucking ass so that we could keep our livelihoods. And not just me or you, but also the hundreds working for us! I know you fucking hate their guts because they’ve said nothing but terrible things about you, and even if none of that is true because I know you better than anyone else in this fucking building, at least have the decency to salvage whatever’s left instead of being a fucking coward for once!”

Yujin doesn’t notice that she’s been outright screaming into your face. You’re taken aback, utterly in disbelief at what she just aired out. If she wasn’t kindness incarnate, she likely would have pulled you by the shirt and choked you till you passed out. She blinks. The realization hits, and she begins to crumble.

“Sorry” is the only thing she can say, in quiet mumbles, slowly falling back onto her chair. Her hands cover the lower half of her face, completely mortified. Her eyes are on the verge of tears before giving out and crying waterfalls. Eventually, she lowers her head out of shame.

Even before entrusting her with such a demanding assignment, you knew there was nothing other than divine intervention that could save your job. This wasn’t what you signed up for, and neither did Yujin. For the most part, this was only to save face. Your face. The board of directors didn’t have any objections after all, and were mostly agreeable with every step of the plan. Either that or their old age is catching up and they hardly understood a thing at all. Like you.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t excuse you from criticism. This is on you, and you should be held accountable. Instead of rightfully performing your part, you weighed down someone else with your burden. It’s the wake-up call you need.

Yujin shouldn’t feel guilty saying all of this and having to apologize. She’s crying on your desk, still softly apologizing between tears, “Sorry—I’m really sorry—” and your heart fucking drops. 

It’s a terrible feeling.

“Yuj, please stop crying,” you mutter, caressing her shoulder. Seeing her look so defeated brings you more distress than anything, including the thought of losing your job. “I should be the one apologizing for putting you through all this. You’re right—”

“I’m so sorry.” She’s still asking for forgiveness, your words mostly going unnoticed. “I just wanted to—”

“You’re right, Yuj. I’m a coward. I’ll admit, I honestly wanted to resign the moment they brought this up. If they couldn’t do a damn thing about it, how else would I know? Seeing you figure out a way made me realize just how much I depend on you to save my ass. I should be the one saying sorry, not you Goddammit, Yuj. What would I do without you, honestly—”

She tilts her head up, her sniffling and sobbing unceasing, resting her head on your chest. “I’m sorry. What I said is still out of pocket and I wasn’t in the position to say—”

“Shush, Yuj. Stop apologizing for being right,” you reply, brushing her hair. “Look. We’ll go forward with your plan. You can write up the whole thing and I’ll present it your way. I won’t muck up in front of the directors, okay? Don’t worry about it. I’m not gonna quit.”

“Really?” She lifts up her eyes, doe-looking and glimmering.

“Yeah. Might as well go down with a sinking ship, so please stop crying,” you say, smiling. “You made me feel like shit and I don’t like it.”

Yujin laughs. Heartily.

—————

Even though that should havd been enough to appease Yujin, in your eyes, it wasn’t. You had to make it up to her in other ways.

“This place serves really good food,” you tell Yujin, digesting the sights and scents of the relatively small eatery. Meanwhile, Yujin sits beside you, eating to heart’s content without a care. “I can see why you love it.”

“How’d you know this was my favorite place to drop by after work?” she asks, chomping down on the last stick of her barbecue. 

“I have my sources,” you tell her, playfully grinning, unwilling to admit that you’ve been watching from behind your car’s windows for some time now. 

“Don’t tell me it’s Wonyoung, boss.” Yujin pouts, flustered and embarrassed. “I swear to God, I can’t trust anything with—”

“It isn’t her, don’t worry,” you chuckle, amused at her red-faced look. 

“I really appreciate the offer,” she remarks, finishing the remaining half of her drink. “You shouldn’t have.”

“Hey, it’s the least I can do for my hardworking assistant,” you reply, gesturing to the lone cook for the bill. The charges go up to the hundreds, with most orders belonging to her. While she’s chomping away at the end of a large meal, you secretly foot it on her behalf. How she maintains her figure while consuming this much food, you’ll never know. And when she calls for the tab, she’s told that it has already been paid in full.

“Now you’re just being extra,” she says, facing you, looking insulted by the kind gesture, but in a playful way. Appreciative regardless. “I already told you we’ll pay for what we each ordered.”

Looking at the stack of empty plates on her side—when compared to yours—some part of you believes that to be false. You don’t even have to say anything for her to realize she’s not one to fulfill her own word either.

“Okay—I would have paid 25 percent.”

You can’t place any blame on her. She laughs—at herself. She’s so charming, a pleasure to watch, that you would let her slide, had this not been your intention right from the start.

“Stop.” 

You end up laughing with her too.

—————

“Seriously. Don’t lie, you promise you won’t just suddenly quit on us?” Yujin asks, staring at you as you walk toward your parked vehicles outside the eatery. “This feels like a way to soften the blow.”

Both of you stop right in front of your cars. “Not at all,” you tell her, staring directly into her eyes. “What else do I have to do to prove that I’m not quitting?”

“I don’t know, sir. I mean—you, suddenly asking me to eat out—” she rolls her eyes away, skeptical— “You’ve never done that.”

The cold nighttime air sweeps all over you. Chilly, you rub your arms together, partially regretting the decision to cover Yujin with your coat. She’s relatively unfazed, warm in your garment; even more surprisingly, it fits her perfectly like a glove. 

“I wouldn’t leave if it means I lose you, Yujin.”

It’s not the words you wanted to say. Every part of that sentence leaves your lips effortlessly. A little too effortless.It’s an unconfessed confession, waiting for the right moment to be spoken. Sure, she may interpret it as merely you being codependent on her when it comes to work, but there’s no way there isn’t some kind of other, deeper meaning behind them.

“Lose me? What does that mean?” She asks, even more curious. Of course, Yujin isn’t the brain of your operations for nothing. It isn’t surprising when she figures you out. “You like me, don’t you?”

Just like that, the tables have turned. You can’t deny your feelings any longer.

You gently nod. Perhaps the killing blow could be softer if you find closure, right here, right now.

She leans forward, both of you unable to do anything other than to stare into each other’s deep, longing eyes. The tension between you is the only source of heat in the midst of a cold, lonely night. 

By all accounts, the relationship between you and Yujin is strictly professional. Apart from a few trips abroad, you keep all conversations business related. Mind-numbing, confusing agency jargon. It’s a helpful practice in keeping your space; no matter how attractive she may look and saccharine she may sound, no amount of pleasantry can make company discussion remotely close to entertaining. You’d rather play with the blinds in your office. She’s doing her part too: clock in at nine, clock out at five on the dot. It’s a healthy routine. After hour talks between you are rare. It’s common practice to maintain a firm working relationship. It’s also just common sense. Good organization begins at the top.

Moments like these are strong reminders on why you avoid crossing that line. Yet you don’t stop—not when she’s the one making the first move. 

You kiss. Your lips stay a little longer than they should. The taste lingers. 

You find solace in each other's warmth, in a comforting embrace. She rests her head on your chest, her hands gripping into your shirt tightly. Deep down, you both recognize you’re on borrowed time. Whether through your promotion or your release, you won’t be together for much long. Countless hours spent together, so many occasions—the opportunities are being handed to you on a silver platter, only for you not to take the chance.

Not anymore. You won’t make the same mistake again.

—————

Driving her home was easy; finding your way into your room was half the battle. 

“It took us this long to share a room, huh?” Yujin huffs against your face, finding and capturing your lips even in an erratic, volatile environment. She’s pushing you against the wall, her palms having an iron grip on your cheeks, pulling you close and wildly kissing you. The entire trip up to your apartment floor has been nothing but shaky kisses and clothes slowly scattering from the elevator to your front door.

“We should have done this a long time ago,” you manage to mutter, holding her face away for a brief respite to answer, only to be forced back in once again. Any semblance of professionalism between you is abandoned for fiery, passionate lovemaking, future relationships be damned. 

The most surprising thing is how it isn’t as messy as it may look. See, despite the bite marks on your skin, the wrinkles in your clothes, and the rather loud, unceremonious manner you enter your apartment, you’re still in the process slowly unraveling. There’s a conscious effort to make sure neither side comes out completely in ruins. A silent agreement between you. 

Her hands lay claim to your shirt, threatening to tear you apart if you don’t do the same to her. She lifts her head when you quickly peel through her long skirt; you dive in and make it yours. The crack in her voice as she mewls tickles your ears just right. Slowly spreading her legs wide, pulling the panties down her well defined thighs. In response, she tugs at your shirt, popping a few buttons loose. It isn’t as easy as it looks to have Yujin pinned against the wall; she’s actively fighting, trying to seize back control. If she can’t have her way with you, at the very least she can rein you in. Only now do you realize the danger your little escapede.

With her slender legs wrapped around your waist, you can only do so much. Yujin can’t stop kissing you, leading your gaze to anywhere but her pretty, lust-ridden expressions. She wants this more than you do. Against your desires, you end up in the kitchen, propping her on the bar counter as lipstick covers your entire face. The brief respite when she catches her breath gives you ample time to unbutton the rest of your shirt before tossing it aside—something you don’t give her the decency to finish.

While she’s still staggering, lost in her own thoughts, you take her by the shoulder and leave a fresh mark on her neck. A distraction. More importantly, your fingers feel their way around the back of her dress, find the touch of metal—and yank. The zipper follows, the lengthy garment gradually coming undone, until Yujin pushes the rest of it off her shoulders and to the floor. Your eyes gleam like starlight as her bra reveals itself, taking countless mental snapshots at that moment. 

Not even her attempts to redirect your attention can pull you away. 

You push her down on the marble surface. The bar is big enough to fit you both. Joining her atop the counter, your gaze wanders down her divine figure—and you don’t know where to start. Everything about Yujin is designed to be as perfect as humanly possible. No one should be flawless.

“How can you be any more perfect, Yuj,” you mutter, eyes roaming everywhere, soaking in the immaculate sight before you. “How did I not want you any sooner?”

Yujin’s hand traces down your arm. “You could have just asked. My previous employers did. It was a regular part of the job for me.”

You’re shaking your head. Imagine that—an employer taking advantage of their employee offering themselves without any restraint. You would never—except you already did. Your previous assistant can vouch.

“Don’t feel sorry. I want this just as much as you do,” she adds, pulling you towards her face for a soft kiss, clearing all doubt. “Besides, you’re not that much different from any of them. Why stop now?”

“Not that different? Were they just as codependent on you as I am?”

Nodding in agreement, she laughs. 

“God fucking dammit.” 

You sigh. Yujin continues laughing. What a momentum killer. And the worst part is, it’s self-inflicted and completely avoidable. You should have just kept going, kept her speechless.

Still, it’s not the end of the world. You’re on top of Yujin; she has no intention of leaving you anytime soon. Most importantly, she’s unhooking her bra while you’re caught up in your feelings. “But—there’s one difference: I actually love working for you. I wouldn’t mind letting you use me.”

“You love working for me? Why?”

She’s biting her lip, grabbing you by the back of your head. “You’ll find out yourself. You know what to do.”

“What? How?” The word comes out panicked, desperate.

Yujin shakes her head, the smirk on her lips twisting, wicked. “You know how.”

At first, finding what she means proves to be a struggle. After all, Yujin’s not the mysterious type. She always tells you everything straight, condenses complex conversations into digestible servings for easy consumption. It’s not in her character. Yet, one look at what’s in front of you—her naked frame casually lying beneath yours, her hands running all over your bare self—the realization hits you like lightning, and you’re mentally punching yourself for being so dangerously oblivious.

You kiss her on the lips again. You can’t get enough. You’d happily stay in this position all night long. Except that isn’t what she wants. She wants you to go further. 

So you sink further and further down. The closer you get, the more she opens up. A sloppy trail follows your lips, from her chin, to her collarbones, to her chest and navel, and everything else in between. She’s soft to the touch, so flexible and malleable—every part of her, you make yours. Then you get to her core, her inner thighs spreading, and watch as it unravels before you, quivering, soaked, needy. You look into each other’s eyes, hers anticipating. There’s a craze behind your irises, as if some repressed need is crawling back to the surface. It’s slowly driving you wild.

Your name drips on the edge of Yujin’s mouth—a sign of impatience—before suddenly cracking at the point of impact. She rolls her head back, her voice reduced to an airy sigh as your tongue licks up her slit, her entrance, in a slow upward motion. It takes every ounce of your willpower not to devolve into a hungry, primal mess. Her thighs close in and clamp you down, suffocating you while you become more familiar with the sensation and taste of her dripping cunt. 

If only you could hear the full extent of her moans, turning a pitch higher with each passing swipe and slurp. You’re humming into her core, satiated and fulfilled with the taste of her slick in your mouth. Yujin’s hands stretch out for help, for stability as pleasure gradually overwhelms her. Propped underneath her thighs, your hands dig under to reach places that your tongue can’t. She grows erratics, restless, moved by your presence inside her.

“Fuck!” The profanity escapes her lips instinctually, like it’s always been a part of her. She’s writhing, jaw slack, her back arched over the bar, her hands now grasping on your hair, then on the edges again. On your side, the pressure her thighs bring leave you suffocating. It’s too much. You should be begging for your life; instead, you’re enjoying every minute, slowing your pace every now and then to savor the feeling. 

Despite her state, she’s caught you by the wrists. They do little in stopping your tongue from consuming every inch of her, and you end up pushing her forward. You grip her by her thighs and spread her wide. She can’t resist. Fresh air has never felt more soothing to the lungs. By the way you have her legs dangled up in the air, you’re threatening to pull a nerve. She’s screaming, crying out in desperation, 

Still, it doesn’t change the outcome. Yujin finally loses herself completely and comes undone. She cums—blasts jets of slick all over your face and mouth. The counter pools with the aftermath of her orgasm, and you lick it all up, sanitation be damned. 

When you finally emerge from the depths of her tight, drenched cunt, she remains a mess, stamina completely drained, body still trembling from her massive climax. You’d think after that, she would be incapacitated for the night, until—

“Wait.” Yujin deeply exhales, pulls you by the wrist. You aren’t exactly going anywhere. As if struck by lightning, she suddenly rises up. A shit-eating grin forms on her lips, as if the damage wasn’t enough to take her down. There’s a familiar look in her eyes—the gaze of a woman who needs more.

She flicks a sample of her slick from the spot on the counter and laps it up, still eying you with unceasing lust. You remember her words, the question to ponder: “You’re gonna tell me now?”

Yujin blankly stares. The question lingers for a little while. “Tell you what?” she replies, the tone convincing enough to feign innocence.

“Why you love working for me.”

She smiles again, a teasing look. “You’re halfway there.”

“What does that mean?” As you try not to overreact, your assistant turned one night stand tries to stifle her laughter. It almost goes unnoticed, until— “Yuj, you’re really getting on my nerves with all this vaguery bullshit going on.”

“It’s part of the fun, is it not? Do you want me to give it straight?”

“Yes! Like always!” 

Yujin leans close. One hand reaches for your pants, the other still attached to your wrist. She appears like she’s going for yet another kiss, when she stops right next to your ear and whispers, “I want you to fuck me. Use me,” before drawing herself away.

On the surface, the stare you give her looks cold. Deep in your mind, the words resonate and ring louder and louder. Four words. “Fuck me—” “Use me—” The arousal bubbles up, manifests on your cheeks. The next few minutes can go so many ways, more than you can imagine. In your eyes, she’s still your assistant, a friendly, dependable worker whom you consider a close acquaintance more than anything. 

The thing is: you’ve already gone far past the point of no return. Her gaze is enticing—demanding—you to keep going. 

There’s no stopping now.

Yujin casually follows you to your bedroom, hand in tow. The rest of your clothes lie discarded in the kitchen—boxers, pants, and all. Gone are the nerves and hesitations; the attitude you have towards her is different. “Lay down,” you command her, voice steely, and she obliges, the bed flopping with the slight crash of her lithe figure. You won’t ever grow tired of staring at her naked body, regardless of it’s position. 

She lays flat on her tummy, observing you rummage through your large closet of suits, pulling a red tie from one of the drawers. “Not the first time I’ve had something wrapped around my neck,” she remarks, raising a curious eyebrow, crooked smile unyielding. “Stylish, just like you.”

“I wasn’t asking for your input.” You’re never this stern towards Yujin. You toss the necktie on the mattress before joining her atop the bed. “Turn around.”

Like the good girl she is, she obliges. That’s Yujin for you; she’ll always follow everything you tell her, no questions asked. On her fours, her plump ass glides face up, in complete view. Another temptation, another part of her to claim as yours. Regardless, you’re in no hurry; you’ve got the rest of the night.

With your erect cock in hand, you line the tip against her sopping cunt. She winces, moans at the contact. “Oh, fuck—” she whines, lifting her head up, her nails pressed into the sheets. As inviting as the call of her tight, wet pussy is to you, you make an organized effort to resist the immediate lull to fuck her hard.

Even holding her figure with your other hand proves to be a nightmare. Her body enraptures you in hypnotic ways. The arch of her back, the curve of her ass, the hourglass frame—it’s a feast for the eyes. You could take your sweet time and worship every little part of Yujin and she wouldn’t mind, but in the midst of your blinding daze, she’s calling to you. Again.

“Are you just gonna admire me or are you gonna shove that big cock in me?” She faces you with a mischievous grin. “I don’t mind both.”

Suddenly, you remember your position in this relationship. You grab her by the throat, face her away again. “Quiet. I don’t want to hear any more from you unless you’re taking this fucking cock.”

Showing a little resistance, she tries daring you, “Then f—fuck!”

Her jaw goes wide, frozen in place, her voice abruptly cutting as you undercut her with your cock. You’re no better; pleasure sets your muscles ablaze as you thrust into her inviting cunt. It shows in the deep groan spilling from your mouth. Little by little, you plunge ever so deep until you feel yourself buried to the hilt. That’s when you finally let out this breath of relief—but not for long. 

Her pussy clenches hard. Her heat proves to be suffocating beyond measure. If you don’t act quickly, she could end you in seconds. 

“O-oh God—”

You slowly, painstakingly pull back before throttling your hips into her. Taking these short breaths, every little move you make is precarious. It’s not that she’s resisting you—far from it—but it’s you resisting the urge to cum so soon. Your mind tries to think of anything other than what’s right in front, but even that proves to be nearly impossible. The ripple of her ass, the slight wobble of her breasts, the twisting grip of your hand on her otherwise soft skin—

“So fucking tight. Holy fuck, Yuj—” You manage to mutter before you’re reduced to groans again. 

All you can focus on is keeping yourself together while you’re slowly crumbing away. You find a rhythm in the midst of the madness, pounding away at your assistant’s cunt, your senses overrun by pleasure and the satisfying sound of your skin slapping skin. Elsewhere, your hands can’t seem to find solace in just one area. They’re everywhere; from her hair, to her throat, to the arch of her ass, to her hips, the imprints stay new, eventually creating a patterned sequence that immediately breaks.

You’re fucking these strained cries and prasies out of Yujin’s sweet lips, and it’s quite the mouthful. ’More,’ ‘harder,’ ‘so good—’ until it reaches the point where her voice is so worn from your chokehold that she can only speak in high pitched mewls. Another cycle you wish would never end. 

Slowing your pace, you reach for the necktie, gently tying it around her neck while preventing your rhythm from disrupting. “You’re such a fucking perfect woman, you know that?” you mutter in her ear, kissing the helix and indulging in the scent of her perfume mixed with sex and sweat. “Perfect listener, perfect assistant, perfect body—”

Pulling yourself away from her, you yank the tie along—your makeshift leash. Her body tilts all the way up, a sharp screech suddenly filling the bedroom. You’re not sure if its from the pull or just her moan. Either way, you have her in your grasp. Brushing her hair aside, you mumble, “Actually, I don’t know how to use a tie like that. I just wanted to remember what it’s like to be the boss. Your boss.”

It should have sounded flat, like all your other attempts at being convincing. And yet, she leans her ear backward, trying to recapture your lips. Teasing a little, your lips make what’s considered the most minimal of contacts, before you push her to her fours. You don’t intend to pull on the tie again, but you’re still holding on to it like your most prized possession—and it may as well be Yujin. 

“Of course,” are her first words uttered in a while that aren’t some combination of profanity and praise. 

Grabbing her by the midsection, the rhythm of your thrusts quickens. You feel it. The imminent collapse. And it’s not just the bed quaking and creaking from your sex. She’s pleading now; ’So close,’ she tells you, begs you to let her cum all over your cock. In any other scenario, you’d acquiesce. Here, with all the authority, you’re going to assert your power a little.

“Say it. Say it and I’ll let you cum all over me,” you demand, your hand climbing up to her chest, grabbing at her breast, folding her up slightly that her grip on the sheets transfers to the headboard. “I wanted you so fucking bad for so long.”

“Anything for you. Just let me cum!” she cries out, on the verge of falling apart. Dangerously close.

“Tell me I’m yours.”

“I’m yours!”

“You know what I meant. Say it again.”

“I’m yours! I’m yours!”

Hearing her declare that she belongs to you with such conviction almost upends you too. You almost give in, but narrowaly escape thanks to your utter resolve. The smirk on your face is priceless.

“Perfect. Now cum.”

Just like that, her body reacts at the drop of your command, as if it was hardwired into her. Yujin goes numb—fidgeting, cumming all over your cock—as you continue to pound into her cunt. A single word echoes, going quieter with every incantation: ‘Fuck,’ she whines, caught reeling in her orgasm and catching every breath possible. 

Eventually, it comes to a standstill, the only thing left is for you to crash. Lucky for her, you’re not that far off. You’ve let go of the tie, holding onto her shoulders instead. So now it’s her opportunity to turn the tables on you again.

“Fucking give it to me—oh I need it now, oh God—” Yujin begs, barely keeping herself upright in the aftermath of her climax.

And you just crash down on her, slamming her deep into the sheets, turning her around as you fuck callously, clamping her neck, her moans ringing into your ear. She has a leg wrapped arond yours—as if you had any intention of pulling out. You’ve spent enough time away from her pretty face; now you want to watch her take all your load deep in her pussy.

Yujin’s mouth melds in the shape of a moan as the pressure finally overwhelms you. Burying yourself deep in her, you’re still pumping, fucking your cock as you blast thick load after thick load in her warm, creamy cunt. The sensation leaves you breathless, hanging onto her for dear life as you wait for the moment to pass. Though it may seem like a couple of minutes, the feeling lingers far longer than you can imagine. She milks you of all your worth, drawing every last drop from your throbbing cock until your body can’t move any longer.

Eventually, your bodies wind up together, limbs tangled, wrapped around each other in a warm embrace. The comfort you both needed after a long day.

—————

You gaze down at a tired Yujin. Hours ago, you were the one holding onto her; now she’s the clingy one, wrapping an arm over you. “I really need to know, Yuj.” 

She mumbles into your chest. “What is it?” You feel her soft lips leave lipstick marks on your skin.

You’re brushing away loose, dark strands of her hair to get a better look of her pristine, shiny face. “Why do you love working for me?”

After the passionate night you just had, you still have the gall to ask such a frivolous question. The answer should be obvious by now.

She looks up, smiling—a pleasant, friendly gleam, one you immediately recognize as soon as you walk through those office doors. “Because you’re the first boss I’ve ever worked for that isn’t a total asshole. Also, you’re good at everything.”

You raise an eyebrow and frown. “That’s not—”

“You know what I meant, boss.” The smiling turns into teasing. You realize, then you laugh.

You should be basking in the afterglow of sex, but daylight peeking through your curtain says otherwise. You’re so tired, you can’t move a muscle, let alone grab the phone from the living room to tell the time. All you know is that you should be at work by now, and so should Yujin.

The ring from your phone can be heard loud and clear, even a room and clothing pocket away. As you try to lift your head, Yujin meets you halfway, kissing you before laying you back down.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll write up your leave of absence. Besides, I could use some time off too,” she says, inching her face close to yours.

The notion frightens you. Yujin, your most reliable assistant, never missing a day that isn’t considered a holiday, not by your side when you need her. 

And you need her now more than ever.

“Time off? When?”

“From now. Until you say we’re done.”

—————

(A/N: :bsadcorner:)

(Missing IVE's first proper world tour will always be one of my K-pop low points, even if I already watched and even shared an interaction with them. Goddammit, I can already expect the prices and perks for their next tour will be even more expensive than it already is. Sigh. Anyway, I hope they get their well deserved time off. Thank you for reading!)

[cookiescr]

Btw since I unfortunately can't do this til next month I was just thinking of helping my gf every end of the month or after I finish my monthly comms

Hi is anyone interested on the collab commission between me and my gf for 35 usd? I’m trying to help her move out of her apartment and give her a headstart.

She also has a kofi for anyone who’s interested: https://ko-fi.com/yurashiro

Reblogs would be greatly appreciated!

[probably-untrue-plant-facts]

Am I the Asshole- newborn photography edition

I am being kind, I am being kind, I must remember that I'm being kind...

I am friends with a couple who just had a baby, but this is about them as photo clients. I did my first ever maternity shoot, couples shoot, maternity ward shoot, and they have plans for a million more shoots. I'm happy to give them super cheap rates because they're in a situation.

As friends go, they're not that great. I have a good time with them when I go over to help out, but there's always one or two things they say that I find a little off-putting. Particularly not fond of being treated like I need to be mothered. Not fond of some of the language they use. Not fond of some of the assumptions that are made in conversations. Not fond of being talked over, especially since I talk somewhat slow.

I let a lot of it go because I'm aware that some of this is the tism, some of it is trauma, some of it is a handful of other disorders, and some of it is just the way that they were brought up.

But I still help them out because I got nothing to do right now in the off season and I like helping people. So I drive to and from doc appointments, grocery shopping, general outings. Sometimes they just need to talk, so I let them talk and let some of the stuff that offends me roll off my back. Because I work with a lot of people who have extremely differing political opinions- so I am accustomed to this.

And I'm a pushover. Always have been.

We did a newborn shoot with studio lights and a backdrop and everything last week, after several attempts at rescheduling. It was my first newborn shoot EVER, and I was really proud of the results. Keep in mind that my training is in action photography- this is so very outside of my realm of expertise. There's a reason that newborn photography is its own industry. Client keeps telling me that they'll recommend me to all their other mom friends and that I'll 'make bank.' I'm not terribly jazzed about this, but if I end up being good at this, it would be a way to make extra money.

I sent them to them within the week, which is an insane turnaround for studio editing.

The night before they receive them, I'm pretty sure they're going through a mental health spiral. They call me at 10pm to tell me that they found an ear mite on one of their cats and that I should check my cat especially if he's indoor/outdoor (which he isn't) and I tell them that I will check. They tell me that the only place it could have come from was either me or the doula. I tell them that I'll check. And that they're not accusing me of anything, its just that it can be a big problem if there's an infestation. I tell them that I'll check.

"I'll check, but right now I'm trying to get to bed early because I've had a headache all day."

"You should take Imitrex for that."

Imitrex is a medicine for migraines. You should not take Imitrex for headaches. "I'm taking some Ibuprophen and going to bed early, it will be fine."

"If that doesn't work, you should take Imitrex because it will get rid of the headache fast." This person was an EMT in a previous lifestyle.

"I will not be doing that. Thank you. Good night."

Past experience with people with this cocktail of neuro-divergence tells me that this interaction was likely a result of a spiral- stress from having to take care of the baby, feeding every 2 hours, not getting much sleep, and a lot of PTSD around childbirth. It will either go away after they get some sleep or it will get worse. But it is not my responsibility to address something that's very much out of my wheelhouse.

(Turns out it wasn't an ear mite. They did apologize for calling me so late.)

Previous attempts at downloading from the gallery were not great because their phone just wasn't processing the pop up for some reason, so I've been sending them through Drive. Eats up all my space, takes forever. But it gets them to them. This time, though, they're not happy with it. They complain that its blurry, its pixelized, its not as good as the ones I've taken before. They send me a screenshot. I don't see the problem. The background is blurry, because that's an artistic choice that I made. A soft focus is very much in the style of the photos that they sent me as examples. This is one of the first times that I've had to photograph something small for them. Everything else was adults, this is a tiny baby. I assume they don't know what aperture and focal length is.

Client zoomed waaaay in on a photo of their kid and freaked out because they saw pixelation and said that they'd be uncomfortable printing it at a 4x6, let alone a larger size canvas, and that we need to reshoot ASAP because the kid is already outgrowing the clothes they bought their child. When I say 'way in,' I do mean 1/16th of the full size of the photo: a crop that no person would realistically want for a print.

But it took them three reschedulings to get the shoot we had (and every shoot we've ever done), and I can't drop everything just to do a shoot one week before my surgery.

The photo will print at 25inx14in without artifacting.

So I did some troubleshooting to make sure the problem wasn't the compression on their phone, or that they were viewing it in the preview screen. When they sent me the screenshots, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary and said that I didn't see what the problem was. It was exported at 240 dpi, which is typical for something that's going to be printed for typical household use. The only things that might have been an issue were that I didn't shoot in RAW file, and that maybe the image was overall just a little soft. Because, well, its a photo of a newborn. Stylistically, they're pretty soft.

I sent them 150 photos. WAY more than most people get for the price I was doing them at because they are my friends AND this was my first ever newborn shoot- I considered it a part of my own training to see if I can handle it.

I told them that I would do a texture/clarity pass and that I would email a download link from my gallery and that they should try looking at it on a computer instead of on the phone.

They told me that they don't want to ruin the friendship that we've made and that they feel that I'm being dismissive and that I don't care and won't listen to the problems that they see.

I insist- I would like to do a texture/clarity pass on the photos first and see if this makes a difference. Scheduling a second shoot isn't out of the question, but I can't guarantee that I will get the same results/poses from a second shoot... because its a baby and they kind of do what they want. I would like to try a simpler solution first.

I am no stranger to catastrophizing. I've done a lot of work to be able talk myself down from anxiety attacks. It doesn't always work. So I see myself in this. I run the pass, upload them to the gallery, but I pause on hitting 'send' because I know that their spouse will be home soon and they can talk it over. I send it at the time that their spouse usually gets home, I text spouse with instructions how to access them on desktop. They tell me that they worked a very long shift and that they will have to go over them tomorrow.

I tell them that it would be wise to do so- it will likely look better with fresh eyes after some sleep. I tell them to sleep well.

I am intending on getting a reasonable sized print to send to them so that they can see that it is not bad quality when it is printed.

Client texts me a 1am to tell me that they still look blurry to them. They need to do a reshoot today (Saturday) or Monday but they can't guarantee that they'll be in the best shape after their doctor's appointment so if we could do it this evening-

I told them that I am willing to reshoot the scenes specific to the ones she had issues with, but that I cannot guarantee that they will turn out the same as the first shoot, and that I need to know which specific scenes were the issue.

And I have not heard from them since.

Which is somewhat alarming, but I have been enjoying a peaceful day. I feel like I've been leaned on a little too hard and that I should have made clearer boundaries, but its somewhat hard to state your boundaries when you're constantly being interrupted.

I have a long list of thoughts in my head right now and all of them are unkind but how the fuck do you navigate a situation like this without hurting someone's feelings?

-"I'm not disregarding your feelings, I legit have no clue what you're talking about."

-"I think you're making mountains from molehills over something that essentially doesn't matter- you don't even have enough wall space in your apartment to print this in a size that it will distort."

-"Stop treating me like a child- I'm ten years older than you and I already have a mother."

-"All of the photos of me at that age were taken on a disposable camera and were destroyed in a flood. You have 150 really fucking cute photos by a professional, on a medium that has a much longer shelf life. Some goddamn perspective."

-"I do not care how bad your mental health is getting, and I don't care how fast you're spiraling, you do not treat friends like this. After all the rescheduling, all the nitpicking, and all the fucked up shit you say my fucking patience is a finite resource."

-"Why did I ever expect that someone that bulldozes over my boundaries on the regular would listen to me as a professional?"

-"I'm starting to see why your last photographer ghosted you."

-"Every professional in the world would put you on the 'do not book' list."

-"They're probably in the hospital right now because this might have triggered self harm, and that worries me but its also not my responsibility and I can't even say it would even be my FAULT."

So now I am spiraling. A little. Because its being made out that I did a poor job on my first go, when I thought I did well- I have checked and double checked to make sure that I had everything correct and I still do not see the problem. I feel like I'm being jerked around, even if unintentionally. I feel like I can't trust the quality of my work. I feel like I am, once again, the the recipient of someone's misdirected emotions just for being close enough to hit.

But every time I've enforced a boundary with someone, it gets violated and I'm just kind of like... do I attract this kind of person? Can they smell the doormat on me? And the fucked up part of this is that every person who has crossed a boundary has been the first to tell me that I need to lay down better boundaries. Like yeah- you'd know, wouldn't you bitch?

Anyways.

Am I the asshole for not wanting to do a second shoot and also for turning my phone on 'do not disturb' when I know my friend might be in the hospital?

[fastandcarlos]

Perfect Wake Up Call : ̗̀➛ Lance Stroll

summary: after being away for the race weekend, lance savours the feeling of being home again and taking the morning slow with you

The faint sound of music welcomed Lance into the morning, his body stretched out as he noticed the stream of light that came into the room. He cleared his throat as his head tilted to the left only to see that the space where you should have been laying was already empty and cold. 

Lance’s brows furrowed together as he tapped his hand against the empty space. Waking up to you was one of the things that he looked forward to the most after returning home from a long week of racing, but instead he was left to wake alone, much to his disapproval. 

It was a quick turnaround for you both as Lance was due to spend the day at Silverstone, with you in his company. With time not on your side, you were already in your ensuite, busying yourself to get ready for the day.  

You had no idea about the sighing man in the other room, brushing his hands through his hair as he slowly sat himself up. 

Despite the number of events that you had attended with Lance, you still felt the pressure. Every little thing that you did felt like it was being scrutinised by those around you, and so you were determined to give yourself as much time as possible in order to meet those high standards. 

It was upsetting for Lance seeing how much pressure you put on yourself, he desperately wanted you to relax and not fret. He didn’t need to look in the ensuite to know what you were doing, guessing just how hard you were being on yourself as your reflection stared back at you. 

None of that mattered to Lance though, he would never judge you as much as others felt the need to. 

He understood that it was something that you needed to do though, never once making you feel guilty for it. Despite taking a little while longer himself to wake in the mornings, he never once made you feel bad for him waking up in the cold bed all by himself. 

After giving himself a few moments to fully wake, Lance slid himself out of the bed. His smile was wide as he walked into the ensuite, watching as you carefully brushed through your damp hair, making sure that you had shaped it perfectly before drying it. 

“Good morning love,” he smiled, watching as your eyes flickered back to see him. His voice was still groggy, hair messy in front of his face, trousers hanging just below his waist which brought a smile to your face too. 

“I wasn’t expecting to see you up so early.” 

Lance’s head shook as he took a few steps into the room, standing just behind you. His fingertips brushed gently through your hair, tucking in a couple of strands that you had missed so that they curled under too. 

“I just missed you so much,” he whispered, resting his head against your shoulder. 

It wasn’t just the yearning Lance had for you in bed, it was the feeling of longing that he had carried with him for the past few days. It always took a little bit of time for Lance to settle back at home again. He was still like a big kid a lot of the time, getting giddy every time he saw you around the apartment and reminded himself that he was home.  

No matter how much he enjoyed the thrill of racing, it never compared to the thrill of being at home and with you. 

Arms snaked around your waist to pull you close against Lance’s bare chest. As much as you knew you needed to get ready, you couldn’t ignore the comforting feeling that came from Lance’s embrace around you. 

“You know, you already look stunning in my eyes this morning.” 

Your elbow jabbed against Lance’s chest as he noticed the number of products that you had scattered across the unit. Your hands tried to reach out to grab your eyelash curler, but Lance quickly pulled you back before you could take a hold, ignoring your protests that came between your giggles. 

You could feel Lance’s eyes staring at you, watching you in awe as he studied you closely, the feeling of his heart beating tapping against your back. 

It didn’t matter where you were or what you were doing, he could never shake off the need to admire you, forever struggling to believe that you were really his. 

Although you had your worries about the event that night, Lance couldn’t wait to show you off. As much as he was there for the job, he had his secondary job too, to be the proud boyfriend of the most beautiful person in the room. There was bound to be several people there who couldn’t wait to speak to him, but the only person he wanted to speak to was you. 

Eventually Lance let you go so that you could carry on getting yourself sorted. Rather than leave you to it though, Lance stripped himself down and went into the shower. 

After a few minutes of continuing your routine, you stood in front of the mirror with your hairdryer plugged in. You weren’t the only one though as Lance reappeared by your side, his fluffy locks a mess in front of his face. 

The smile on his face was huge, silently inviting you to take care of him too. Your head shook in disbelief at how bold he was, not wanting to leave your side and let you get ready just yet. 

Lance knew that you wouldn’t be able to ignore him for long though, and before you knew it, your own routine had been forgotten and instead you found yourself prepping your boyfriend instead to make sure that he looked his best for the day. Your brush danced through his hair as you dried it, making sure that you made it as fluffy as possible, just the way you liked it to be. 

There were no words exchanged between the two of you, whilst you concentrated, Lance’s eyes watched you hard at work. He could see the care you took in your stare, ensuring that every strand sat perfectly, knowing exactly how Lance liked it to be. 

Once Lance’s hair was dry, he took the dryer and held it out to you, only for your head to shake. As much as you loved Lance, you had very little trust in his ability to dry your hair, especially with how sleepy he still looked. He tried his best to keep it in his hold, but you managed to snatch it from him when he wasn’t looking. 

A groan came from Lance as you picked up your hairbrush, only to feel his hands wrap around your wrists to stop you from moving. 

“I need to get ready,” you whined, only for Lance to shrug back at you. 

His head moved to sit back against your shoulder again. “Why don’t you trust me?” He jokingly asked, “I promise that I’ll make your hair look beautiful, even though you already look incredible.” 

“My hair is soaking; I look like a mess Lance.” 

His head shook as you spoke, pressing a kiss against your cheek. “You look like a beautiful mess,” he giggled, “this the perfect way to be woken up.” 

“Go and make yourself useful whilst I finish off getting ready.” 

With a huff Lance slipped away from you, allowing you to finish getting sorted, hovering in the doorway for a few moments. 

With you lost in your own little world of concentration again, Lance went back into your bedroom and tidied up the mess from the previous night, folding your clothes and straightening the duvet back out again. 

He perched on the end of the bed, scrolling through his phone as he waited for you to return. He waited in anticipation to see what you were going to wear, wanting to make sure that his outfit beautifully complimented your own. 

More than anything, he couldn’t wait for another day with you. 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[albanenechi]

links & faq 🌞

Welcome and tysm for stopping by! 🌻🌻

You'll find all my important info condensed into this pinned post, which is all the places you can find me and some frequently asked questions 😊

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Do you accept requests/suggestions?

Yes! These might take a while before they pop up in my socials, but I'm always open for these c:

Do you do bases/poses commissions?

Yes I do comms too! Turnaround time is 2 days up to 2 weeks if I'm busy. Check my VGen link for more info!

How should we credit you when using your bases/pose references?

I require credit in these cases: when my bases are traced, drawn over, or used to do commissions. A tag/mention is enough 😊 If you’re using them just as pose reference there’s no need to credit me since poses are universal, but feel free to tag me if you want! I love seeing your drawings and appreciate it a lot 💖

Do you have tutorials/tips for drawing?

I've made one tutorial so far 😭 it's on my TikTok! Might do more in the future but I'm very slow, bear with me 🥹 Anyways, here's some tips I've shared before:

Doing timed figure drawing/art studies often (Line of action is a great tool for that). Don't think too much about making mistakes while studying, own it and move on; you'll start seeing the basic shapes and capture the movement of the pose more easily as you practice!

Read anatomy books, anatomy for illustrators specifically. Proportions and general shapes of the body are a foundation for everything else. Some authors and books I like: Gottfried Bammes, Michael Mattesi, Michael Hampton, morpho's books.

[crisisreading]

The Case for Why HOO should have had a slightly bigger time jump post-PJO.

Okay, one thing that never sat right with me in the PJO universe was the quick turnaround before HOO. The fact that Percy disappears just a few short months after winning the Titan War means that our heroes do not have enough time to enjoy some peace, and there was realistically not enough time for tensions to brew for the Giant War.

Let's pretend there was a time jump of 2 years. Percy and Annabeth are now 18 years old. They are older, stronger, and have only become deadlier since the end of the Titan War.

In this time, Percy and Annabeth have become even more prominent figures at camp and helped manage the influx of newly claimed campers. Likewise, Annabeth has made great progress in rebuilding Olympus. But there is an undercurrent of unrest and hostile murmurs from Olympus. They begin to notice less and less communication with the gods. Suddenly, Annabeth has a harder time getting access to Olympus to do her work. And the flow of new campers slows to a trickle. The gods are upset at having to abide by Percy's demands and they are fearful of his power, and now there is time to explore this. (Remember he has had the Achilles curse for two years now and only gotten more in sync with his godly side!)

Then Percy disappears and all hell breaks loose. The new timing only adds to the drama, because at this point Percy would have been at the brink of going to college only to have his life derailed again. (Callback to Beckendorf who was also 18 and college-bound but forced to set it all aside.)

Their ages also bring more interesting dynamics to Percy and Annabeth's relationship with the Seven. Being basically adults among a bunch of young teens means that Percy and Annabeth have an even greater leadership role on the Argo II. Instead of having a rivalry with Jason, I think Jason would look to Percy and feel insecure, thinking that he could never compare to what is essentially a war veteran at this point. And overall, I think the Seven would admire Percy and Annabeth but also be secretly afraid that they would suffer the same fate of having godly affairs meddle with their futures.

End of rant! Please comment with your thoughts and further ideas!

[mstormcloud]

Yay!! More Sonic OC stuff hehe. These are just refs for them age wise. I’m gonna start working on more compete refs with turnarounds and stuff soon :)

Also! Rhine isn’t here, that’s becuase tbh he’s kinda in limbo rn - I know that fankids don’t really have to make sense with the characters in question (like many have pointed out - sonic and shadow would prob be shit parents or not want kids at all) but Rouge I think just…..would not want kids. So I’m thinking instead it’ll be more of a slow, accidental kid acquisition where Knuckles takes on a protégé to guard the Master Emerlad after him, and since Rouge visits so much they end up bonding. Rouge is more like funny aunt who visits every now and again than a mom, and Knuckles is more of a teacher than a dad, but they do have a silly little found family I think. I’m not sure if it’ll still be Rhine or if I ‘ll design someone else. Honestly I may reuse the idea / design for the Knuxilver fankid I made a bit ago cuz I really liked their design and concept. Who knows!