#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my ��masculinity” for granted... relax

[wiptw]

Pokémon Stadium Series

Nintendo 64 - Nintendo - 2000 to 2001

You as a Pokémon fan are absolutely fucking spoiled these days. Aside from the mainline games you have spinoffs and fangames offering different experiences, you have entire websites dedicated to documenting everything down to the internal maths of the series, there's no end to the free content you can access with an internet connection between emulators and battle sites like 'Showdown!', and it's now socially acceptable in most circles to be older than 13 and have something with Pikachu's face plastered on it (especially if you're female presenting, especially if your friend group is also infected with the Pokémon hype). Back in my day™ you had almost none of this. You had the anime on Saturday mornings, you had the early run Pokémon licensed merch which WOULD get you called a baby if you continued buying past 10-12, and you had the games. Those sweet, sweet games that indoctrinated a generation of young people into being gamers and awoke a horde of JRPG addicts.

Literally Me

So remember this when I tell you that Pokémon Stadium, both one and two, aren't great games because they do something back then that you can't get today; they're great for what they did back then. So Pokemon Stadium 1&2 were a duology of games from 2000 and 2001 respectively that allowed players to battle Pokemon in 3D, with the addition of some side content such as minigames included to prevent the game from being 100% Pokemon battles. Because otherwise, the game is in fact navigating a series of menus and completing Pokémon battles with 3D models.

Whether it's taking on the gym gauntlets, the marathon of battles in the Pokémon cups, or just free battles with friends and loved ones, 98% of the experience is either selecting Pokémon from a roster of pre-built 'rentals' or transferring them from a saved game using the Transfer Pak, then fighting them in a series of 3D environments. An experience which you can definitely do today using web apps but as I said earlier, we didn't have that.

The peak of Pokémon battles in 2000

So if you're buying Pokémon Stadium (either version really) you're already probably a Pokémon fan right? So that means you have Red/Blue/Yellow/Gold/Silver/Crystal, so why not just play that game and get the full experience? The fun of exploring, talking to NPCs, discovering new and exotic locations? Simple, because in those games battles looked like this

While in Stadium, battles looked like this

If you grew up watching the anime while playing the Gameboy games, there was this special kind of dissonance where you might find yourself saying "Yeah, (for the time) these graphics are RADICAL but I wish I had something closer to these cool Pokémon Battles they had in the anime." As you hide under the covers with your Gameboy Color worm light, nestled in your Ash Ketchum pajamas while you attempt for the 100th time to capture a ditto. Pokémon Stadium was the answer to this dissonance, providing you with vibrant 3D graphics unlike anything you'd ever seen before; bringing Pokémon to life in a way that would be unmatched until Colosseum came out during the Gamecube era.

So, to actual mechanics, you play both games pretty similarly; by building a team of Pokémon (either on your handheld or by using the rental mons the game provides) and take part in a series of battles to become the ultimate battle master. To use your own Pokémon, you'd need to use the aforementioned 'Transfer Pak' to plug in a copy of Red/Blue/Yellow (for 1) or Gold/Silver/Crystal (for 2) with a game saved to the cartridge; otherwise the rental Pokémon covered all released Pokémon (except for some hidden ones) allowing you to build your dream team, sans a few caveats here and there.

Evolved Pokémon have better stats but worse moves, while weaker Pokémon tend to have better moves to compensate

In terms of WHERE you can battle, there's two choices: Either in the Gym Leader Castle, or the Tournaments held in the center of the map on either game. Either way, the game will then have you battle through a series of 3v3 matches versus a set number of trainers who will also select 3 random mons from their full team of six.

A bit bare bones, but there's some spice to how things are run. For one, the rental system was a huge thing for us younger players back in the day. Even if you had the games some Pokémon were hard to catch, had evolution requirements some players couldn't complete (like the trade-mons), or were locked to a version you didn't have. The rental mons give you a list of every Pokémon (some exceptions, but not many) and then lets you build your dream team. Sure, you can't set their moves, EVs, IVs, and it's the era before abilities and natures but I CAN HAVE A MEOWTH/PERSIAN ON MY TEAM. Do you know what I had to do as a child to have this Pokémon outside of Stadium? I had to find someone in the American South who also enjoyed Pokémon, hoped they had Blue instead of Red, hoped they had a link cable, then get them to agree to a trade despite both of us being children (and therefore, objectively terrible) which likely meant giving away a rare Pokémon in exchange for what amounted to common garbage in their game because it was Version fucking Exclusivity™ and everyone seemed to know that meant you'd do anything to get that one fucking Pokémon you wanted.

In the handheld games, if you wanted to build your dream team then likely you'd have to put in some more effort than other games of the time would've required of you. With Stadium, your dreams come true, and if you already have that dream team you can just import them to fight in glorious 3D. Circumventing the fact that rental Pokémon are kinda terrible overall.

Don't feel like building? The challenge cup mode that gives you randomized team comps that has it's own charm (for masochists)

Not to say all of them were bad but construct a normal distribution of 'Good' to 'Bad' picks then that graph is gonna skew left so hard you'd be forgiven for thinking it was just a straight line. To keep every choice 'viable' Pokémon rentals were balanced around stats and moves. More powerful evolved Pokémon and Pokémon with high Base Stat Totals (BST) were given weaker moves and first form and low BST Pokémon were given generally better moves. Charizard might have better stats than Charmeleon and Charmander but his only fire type move is going to be something like Fire Spin. Conversely, Charmander might have Fire Blast but his stats are gonna make him an easy target for the computer's pokemon, which are not bound to the same builds as the rental mons you're using.

Once your team is assembled, then you're off to battle trainer after trainer after trainer with beautifully scored (for the Nintendo 64) soundtracks giving you an unearned sense of importance every step of the way. Battles themselves are conducted with a weird, but functional control layout where A and B access sub menus you then check with the R button before finalizing with the c-buttons, which on original hardware or a USB N64 controller is fine but on emulation with a more modern controller like Logitech, can be a little nerve wracking as you worry about whether your 'up' input on the control stick was up enough for the game or if you accidentally drifted right or left using an unintended move.

fun fact: the name of imported Pokémon affects their coloration in Stadium

Battles are also largely regulated by (at the time) tournament standard rules. Little and Pokecup have level restrictions, and all three non-random cups include clauses for sleep, held items, and repeat Pokémon. Additionally, in any cup if you win the round with all 3 Pokémon still in tact, you're granted a continue; meaning you can retry the battle if you lose. Additionally, there is no 'draw' outcome in these games. Use a move like Explosion or Selfdestruct and the game will register it as your loss on your final Pokémon, regardless of whether you took down the opposing fighter with you or not.

You'll be doing a LOT of back-to-back fights here against trainers with varied team comps, but even with over 246 Pokémon in the available potential lineup you'll get tired fast of fighting. This is, however, slightly mitigated by the 3v3 nature of the matches but even so be ready to here the same Pokémon noises, watch the same effects play out, and wait for the same health bars to tick down over and over as you claw your way to the spot of Pokémon Master.

The art style of non-battle scenes like the main map and minigame plaza have that nice, 90's charm to them as well.

If you do get tired of battling it out, then Stadium 1 and 2 both offer minigames for players to partake in. Either in a tournament format or by using the free-play browser, players are able to take part in a multitude of different Mario Party-esque (without the hand burning) minigames featuring the Pokémon as stars. Minigames consist of stick twirling, button mashing, and point collecting all while controlling fan favorite Pokémon such as Togepi, Eevee, Scyther, and Pichu with no real rhyme or reason behind why these game exist aside from a amusement park theming the minigame zones have for their icons and menus.

You won't get a real explanation as to why you're racing Donphans, cutting logs as Scythers and Pinsirs, or playing Simon Says with a bunch of Clefairy, but you don't really need that either. The games are fun, the models are charming, and watching Clefairy get smacked in the head for each wrong input brings me a level of joy I should probably talk about with my therapist. You won't likely spend hours in this mode, but it's a nice breather from the onslaught of battles otherwise.

fun fact: I still won't talk to some people because of the outcomes to Rampage Rollout over two decades ago. You know who you are.

Additionally there's a quiz minigame separate from the main selection of minigames with easy/normal/hard difficulty selections. Players compete to see who can be the first to get a number of questions correct before anyone else based on facts about the Pokémon (typing, size, silhouette, etc) or facts about the game (where you can find things in the game, names of routes and towns, names of figures in the game).

It's not the most challenging on easy or normal, but playing on hard the game will try to screw you with trick questions so playing with others becomes a balance of "do I let the question play out, or attempt to steal it before someone else can answer correctly?"

Sometimes even playing the game won't prepare you for how out of pocket the questions can get

The real advantage of 2 over 1 is that, in addition to minigames, the game has the trainer academy; a kind of in-depth battle tutorial to teach players not only the basics of Pokémon fighting, but also some secrets as well

You can learn about held items, a feature new to the second generation, as well as participate in mock battles to demonstrate the materials you've been reading and quizzed on. Some of this information for the time too was obscure or hidden knowledge, like the fact that using Defense Curl before using Rollout would boost the damage significantly or that using Stomp on an opponent who used minimize would double the damage.

Some type matchups just make sense, like Ground v Electric.

Overall though what really makes this game is the presentation. The soundtrack does a great job selling the feeling Nintendo wants you to experience, climbing the ladder in a tournament or the Gym Leaders Castle makes you feel powerful, and the little details on top of it all just tie it together in a nice package.

The fights, for example, are also narrated by "The Announcer". A bombastic voice shouting over every detail of a fight. When you score a crit, when you apply a status effect, even using certain moves will get the announcer loudly narrating each detail like a Pokémon prize fight. Seeing the ground rip apart when you use Earthquake is only half the charm, the other half comes from that man yelling in your ears "A DEVESTATING EARTHQUAKE ATTACK!". Clearing gyms or clearing opponents in one of the cups grants you gym badges, a dream for any child growing up on the handheld classics or watching the anime who wished they too could earn shiny bits of metal that gave them an inflated sense of importance.

I would literally kill everyone I came across if it'd get me a real life Zephyr Badge.

Stadium 1 and 2 aren't evergreen classics. They're stuck in Gens 1 and 2 respectively, the roster of Pokémon while impressive is largely useless and makes collecting trophies way harder than it has to be, and the games were made before things like abilities and double battles were introduced, leading to the Pokémon battling game missing out on the generation of Pokémon that made battling more fun (Revolution doesn't count, Revolution is dead to me and disappoints me more than I disappoint myself.)

But for the time especially, it gave fans an opportunity to experience a form of Pokémon more advanced than what the handhelds could output. It was a window into a world of potential that wouldn't be truly fulfilled until arguably the 3DS era of Pokémon released, and gave fans a fun little romp handcrafted for them at every twist and turn. Whether you were a gamer or you enjoyed the anime, there was something here for you.

Overall: 7/10 Sound: 8/10 (for the time) Graphics: 9/10 (for the time) Memorable Moments: Stadium 1: Hearing about Mewtwo, thinking he was an urban legend, then finding out he wasn't Stadium 2: Finally beating the elite 4 using only rental mons.

[margueritedaisies]

Hubba bubba😔🤌🥀✨

And so the plot thickens:

I have a plot idea where Pentious writes steamy selfshipping romance books involving his self insert and The Radio Demon as a hobby. Somehow he gained popularity and money out of it. He goes by a feminine pseudonym to hide his identity. Quite popular among the female audience, he just has a way with satisfying the female gaze through words.

Most of his works always follow psychological horror ,mystery, crime, and maybe gothic romance tropes lol. His mastery is comparable to Anne Rice with a mix of Dostoevsky. I mean what do you even expect from a Victorian man in writing fanfiction?😂

***************

(To our standards his works are a literary masterpiece but tbh he aint even trying , probably just his silly fantasies and took inspiration from his fave reading material. To Victorian standards his work would be considered frivolous and mediocre even scandalous. I mean he lived a life where he has the privilege to interact with artistic geniuses, discuss politics/social/philosophical ideologies among the elite in parlors.

And most likely really influential since he was an inventor who was involved in creating the new fangled steam powered machines.)

*****************

Praising his achievements and background aside let me get back to continuing my plot😂I just love him sm

Alastor knows about the book series but doesnt know the author's identity, he has no interest in dwelling on their existence any further. He already used to this side of his fanbase and only wishes to be left alone by them, at least they got an outlet already.

When Pentious started staying at the hotel he had to be extra careful not to let anyone know of his hobby while at the same time trying to continue it. But one day he got sloppy, Niffty figured him out for a few days. Either noticing weird behavioral patterns.

Once she purposefully tripped him so the suspicious manuscripts he was carrying were dropped so she can"help" him collect them but he reacted paranoidly to her on coming close.

She caught a glimpse anyway but not enough to satisfy her curiosity. And then her suspicions were solidified when she sneaked inside Pentious's lair/suite for cleaning duty and came across his typewriter.

After discovering Pentious was the author whom she was a huge fan of (yes she has a copy of his works) she set out on a mission to befriend the snake so she can have premium access to his drafts😂

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hunt x Nesta - Chapter 8

The sounds of the shower roused Hunt from sleep. Since Nesta had discovered that her cell could access music at any moment, she was unstoppable. A symphony blasted through the wall; violins were reaching their crescendo alongside a barrage of brass instruments that were accompanied by a flurry of percussion. Then the cannons came as she turned off the shower.

Releasing a groan, he rolled onto his side to check his cell. Eight messages. All from Nesta at various points in the morning whilst he still slept. Each one made him laugh.

‘Hey, when you text, you don’t need to write an address line or a sign off. I know it’s from you because I have your contact saved,’ he explained as she entered with a towel wrapped around her body.

‘What do you mean?’

Hunt motioned for her cell that was churning out another classical song. ‘What am I saved as?’

Nesta paused the music. ‘I don’t know. Plus five zero five eight two-’

He yelped like he’d been shot and threw himself down. ‘You didn’t even save my number? Do I mean nothing?’

‘I don’t know how.’

With Ruhn’s number, he showed Nesta how to save it. He pulled a photo from the web of Ruhn being arrested before he was legal to drink – of course, his daddy had the charges scrubbed but the photo remained – and saved him as the Prince of Pricks.

‘There, now try with me.’

A devious smile flitted over her lovely face as she stood in the middle of the room typing at the speed of a snail.

‘That index finger is getting quite a workout,’ he commented.

Surprising him, she raised her middle finger.

For the second time that morning, Hunt collapsed back onto the pillows, laughter rumbling out of him. ‘Who the Hel taught you that?’

‘We have that in my world.’ She flashed the phone towards him.

His contact name had been updated to Orion Athalar – my favourite angel along with as many emojis as the name would allow. The picture was of him shirtless with ridiculously fluffy wings.

‘You said you’d deleted those, liar.’

‘I’m leaving today. I need a memory to keep.’

‘You’re taking the cell with you to plug in where exactly?’

Nesta shrugged and pressed it to her chest. ‘I will invent electricity in my world so I can always look at these photographs.’

There was no doubt in his mind that Nesta could do anything that she set her mind to. He couldn’t help but wonder what sort of person she’d be if she stayed in Lunathion. They’d stayed up late in each other’s arms talking for hours; Nesta had wanted to know everything about him and the land she was leaving behind. They’d talked about university for over an hour with Nesta needing to know what could be studied, what the fees were, who could study, when it could be studied, and what happened upon graduation. Hunt had listened to her talk about Prythian but most of it left him seething. Nesta couldn’t tell him anything about the place she lived because they stuck her in a fucking house and cut off her funds so that she was entirely dependent on the king and his lackey. That one, Cassian, he’d quite like to meet so he could knock him into next week. She’d grown upset when she talked of her sister whose pregnancy would cause her death. Beyond kidnapping a couple of surgeons and a midwife, Hunt didn’t know what to do to help. The male, Cassian, who forced her on a hike as punishment for telling her sister the truth deserved to be punched. He didn’t like any of these fae males, but this one sounded like the worst.

He'd even come clean about Micah and the awful things he did to inch towards freedom. In a way, Hunt wanted her to be repulsed or to pull away then at least it would soften the blow of her departure. But this damn female just said that she understood why he did it and held him a little tighter.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?’

Nesta snickered. ‘Don’t tempt me, Hunt.’

It wouldn’t be that hard to adjust. He’d grown up in a time when technology was near enough non-existent then emerged from a dungeon and everybody had cell phones or were driving cars. He’d cope again going backwards. Anything was possible with her at his side. But maybe Hunt would cause a few too many fights with the fae that ruled her.

‘Just stop letting them put you in danger and using you. Or I’ll fly all the way there and kick their asses.’

Hunt sat her down on the edge of the bed to start drying her hair. She was nervous about him doing it although he thought he did a fabulous job of his own. Truly, he was desperate to do it. Nesta was leaving back to a world where the male that she was tangled with didn’t seem to care for her at all. He needed to show her that males could be gentle – that it was a choice not to be caring. He wanted to dry her hair and take care of her because that was a male’s duty – not fucking her then leaving with his seed still dripping from her.

Vik was expecting them when Hunt took Nesta through a private entrance into the Comitium that was strictly for workers only. Worker was laughable. The slave’s entrance was a better name for it.

‘The sword and the Harp as promised. And I don’t need to remind either of you that it would be a good idea for Nesta to return today, do I?’

‘No, mom,’ Hunt replied, kicking her boot lightly.  

‘And I needn’t advise you that walking through Lunathion with a sword will likely have you arrested.’

Hunt frowned. ‘Danika Fendyr and Ruhn Danaan do it.’

‘They’re leaders of the aux and will be the heads of their species one day,’ Vik said.

Sensing Hunt was about to argue with Vik, Nesta rested a hand on his forearm. ‘I’d rather spend my last hours here with you rather than in an interrogation room.’

‘I’d still be there. We can play cops and robbers.’

‘Gross,’ muttered Vik before she turned back to her computer.

For once, Nesta had left most of her hair down. She’d pulled it from her temples with a twist and a couple of hair pins. Paired with a pale blue summer dress, she was utterly stunning. But his dreams of strolling through Lunathion with her again hit a snag when Micah’s name flashed on his cell.

‘You should answer that,’ she said, peering at the name.

‘I want this day with you.’

Nesta pushed the phone towards him. ‘I’d be glad for time with my thoughts. Answer that. Do whatever it is you need to do. We can meet later.’

‘I’ll fly those to the hotel,’ he said, gesturing to her returned items.

Nesta kissed his fingers then strode into the sun, hips swaying as she went.

***

How many different ways could Nesta try to convince Hunt to leave with her – or for him to ask her to stay. She didn’t want to impose. She’d done that enough already on his life. But if Hunt asked her to stay… No, she couldn’t. Feyre was dying. What sort of sister would she be if she left her in those final moments?

Nesta sighed.

The same sister they all believed her to be; worthless, spoilt, and needing redemption.

A shadow bumped into her arm then a figure took up the seat beside her on the bench. Ruhn Danaan wore his typical black jeans and t-shirt with a pair of sunglasses to protect his hungover eyes from the bright sunlight.

‘It’s very loud,’ he said, wincing.

Children were playing at the park where Nesta’s feet had taken her to. Their squeals and joy made her think of the children who never stood a chance in Prythian; the ones who were exposed to war, Illyrian girls who were clipped and beaten.

‘I didn’t think you would come.’

‘And miss the chance to say goodbye?’

Following Hunt’s advice, Nesta had sent a text that merely asked Ruhn to meet her – and she received a reply asking who it was in return. Then another saying if they had once had a date, he wasn’t the sort of guy to want to settle down and he was sorry.

‘I need to return this.’ Nesta held out Tristan Flynn’s credit card. ‘I’d like to keep the cell phone. If that’s alright.’

‘Of course you can. Flynn will be devastated you gave this to me and not him.’

A messenger otter scurried along then stopped in front of Ruhn, brandishing a letter. Nesta couldn’t stop her fawning.

‘Tharion Ketos. What a weasel,’ he muttered, pocketing the letter.

‘I wish we had those.’

‘Mer?’

Nesta tutted. ‘Otters. We have otters, but not ones that wear little jackets and deliver letters.’

Ruhn gave a slight laugh then folded his arms over his chest. He looked at her, really looked at her. ‘You don’t want to go back, do you?’

Everything suddenly felt hot and painful. Nesta tipped her face upwards, blinking as quickly as she could to keep from crying. Ruhn stroked her bare arm.

‘I can’t sugar coat it. My father will not stop until he finds out who you are. You’re technically under his jurisdiction as one of the fae. Hunt is a slave – there isn’t much he can do for you. If Micah sells his ass to Sandriel, he won’t be here.’ Ruhn winced. ‘Is it really better here for you than there?’

Yes, she thought. Because I can be somebody here. I can study and learn and be my own person without history trailing me. And I’d have Hunt.

‘I have to go,’ she said. ‘I know I have to.’

‘Let me walk you back to your hotel at least.’

Despite the beauty of the day, Nesta had gone cold and hollow with every step closer to the hotel.

Nesta steeled her wounded heart. She held the pieces together even if they felt like they would shatter from the force. It wasn’t fair.

‘How much would it cost to buy Hunt?’

Ruhn let out a whistle. ‘The Umbra Mortis?’

‘What if I offered my Harp or my sword?’

‘It might sweeten the deal but Hunt Athalar is one of a kind.’

Visions of her putting on the Mask or Crown and forcing Micah to release Hunt to her came to Nesta. It was a bad idea, but a tempting one. There had to be some way for them to be together. Maybe destiny was forged by their own hands.

‘That Harp of yours,’ Ruhn said. ‘It wouldn’t be related to the Horn, would it?’

‘Why would it be?’

Ruhn shrugged. ‘It’s just that the Horn went missing the other day. I came to see you just afterwards and you looked pretty panicked. Then Athalar appeared looking sweaty just after there was a freak lightning storm at Luna’s Temple.’

‘How odd.’

‘Odd indeed.’

On an instinct, Ruhn grabbed the strap of her dress with two fingers at the edge of a busy road without a crossing. Nesta hadn’t quite mastered it yet, but she knew not to walk out now – but his care was appreciated.

‘I heard it’s broken anyway,’ Nesta said with an airy tone. ‘It wouldn’t be any use to the person who now has it.’

‘Unless they knew how to create Made items like a magic sword that doesn’t like me.’

‘What would it mean if there was somebody in Lunathion who could create Made items – theoretically, Ruhn?’

The hotel came into view and they slowed their pace to finish their theoretical conversation. Ruhn pretended to stroke an imaginary beard then slung an arm around her as they walk so he could lean towards her ear and speak in a whisper.  

‘If the Asteri knew there was somebody with those powers in Lunathion, they’d be the public’s most wanted. And Hunt Athalar would be ordered to bring them in dead or alive. I don’t think that theoretical person would want the Umbra Mortis in that situation, would they?’

There was no telling if Hunt could disobey direct orders although she knew he’d try. For her, he’d try. And she couldn’t do that to him.

At the doors to the hotel, they stopped opposite each other. Amidst the vibrant colours of his tattoos, Nesta could make out damaged, scarred skin.

‘I’m sorry that it can’t be the way you want it.’

Nesta offered a half-smile that felt like a veneer slapped over a rotting foundation. ‘Do any of us ever get what we deserve?’

‘Maybe in another life.’

This was her other life, her other chance. When Ruhn embraced her, she didn’t know how to respond because the males here treated her with kindness without expectation.

‘I’ll tell Flynn you love him. He can peddle that story about unrequited love to simpering females.’

‘Goodbye Ruhn.’

***

Five names. Five names for him to kill.

Hunt felt sick from it. Sick with himself. Because five on one night was more names than he usually had in half a year. He shouldn’t rejoice in death, but it would shave off a little more of his debt.

He was wrong for it. Wrong for being glad that he could exchange a life for his debt.

Nesta deserved better than that. Better than a slave. A killer. A worthless male.

When he met her in the hotel room, he didn’t mention that he could smell Ruhn Danaan on her clothes despite her desire to spend time alone. He’d let her keep that secret if he could keep his. She might have held him last night and waved away his debt to Micah as something he couldn’t control, but it was Hunt’s action that led him to this point. Nobody forced him to lead a rebellion. And it wasn’t just killing. A single bullet to the head was merciful; the sorts of death Micah had him enact would send Nesta running from him.

Hunt bundled up his grief and disgust. He could hold it back for a few hours. Give her a good few hours before she returned. Let Nesta go home beneath a golden sky rather than his storm.

‘I did something. I think.’

Nesta held out the Horn to him which was glowing with an iridescent light. Faintly, he could feel a thrum of magic through his core.

‘How?’

‘The sword is a Made item. Made by me. I was Made by the Cauldron then took its power.’ Nesta swallowed then looked at him. ‘I fixed it Hunt. It can open to new worlds. It’s a safer bet than the Harp. I fixed it.’

‘If anybody could fix a relic that is thousands of years old, it would be you,’ he said, rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone.

Every now and then, a silver flame would skitter across the instrument that she clutched in her hands. The Harp would hum in unison with it. Whoever – whatever – Nesta was, Hunt didn’t care.

‘Are you going to blow it?’

Despite her nod, Nesta didn’t move for a while, just stared at him with wide eyes.

‘It’s alright if you’re scared. I’ll be with you.’ He kissed her forehead and the Horn buzzed between them like a hornet. ‘I’m talking to Nesta, not you.’

*** ‘Ready?’ She wanted Hunt to call it off, to tell her to stay at his side until the stars fell. No matter his warnings about the Asteri or Micah or the Autumn King, none of it could be as bad as what was waiting for her in Prythian. A vengeful queen, a sister who was to die, and a high lord who only wanted her to suffer. It didn’t matter what danger she faced in Lunathion because with Hunt at her side, anything was possible. There was no storm they couldn’t weather together.

Hunt squeezed her knee. ‘Ready. To the stars.’

Pursing her lips, Nesta touched the horn to her lips and blew.

A pathetic, raspberry echoed through the horn.

She glanced at Hunt, heat building in her cheeks, and saw that he was screwing his face up. After a moment, he burst into riotous laughter.

‘What was that?’ He asked between his booming laugh.

She found herself laughing in answer, infected by his merriment. ‘I’ve never blown a horn before. I don’t know how to do it.’

Hunt slapped his thigh, trying to right himself. ‘Not like that!’

The pair of them lost it. Whatever tension had been clinging to the room soon evaporated as Nesta tried again and again to put her lips towards the horn. Each time she pouted or made a trumpeting noise, Hunt roared with laughter, setting her off too.

‘Stop looking at me because you’re putting me off.’

Tears rolled down Hunt’s cheeks. He squeezed his eyes shut although a large grin spread across his handsome face.

Nesta pulled out her phone and searched how to blow a horn. In a world where knowledge was at her fingertips, it seemed terribly wasteful not to utilise it.

‘Maybe the Horn is still broken, Starlight.’

But it couldn’t be because her magic had been drawn to it and the Horn had been buzzing with possibilities since.

‘I can do it,’ she insisted.

‘I know you can,’ he replied, touching her leg again. ‘Not looking again.’

Easing out a breath, Nesta formed her lips in the shape her cell phone told her to. A low, well-held note emitted from the top of the horn.

Hunt whispered her name.

Near the wall, a great portal had opened, its edges rimmed with her silver flames. Rather than offering a view of Crescent City, Nesta saw into the library in the House of Wind. There was her favoured arm chair with the foot rest pulled close by. A little stack of books that she’d pulled out a couple of weeks earlier was upon the three-legged table.

‘You did it,’ he praised, stroking her cheek. ‘Is there anything you can’t do, you wonderful girl?’

Nesta grasped for him, too emotional to speak. Her hands reached for his face, pulling it to hers to kiss one final time. Strands of his hair fell onto her cheek as they kissed and she stretched out a hand to brush the inside of his wing one last time.

‘Mother above, what the fuck.’

She leapt away from Hunt, startled by the voice.

Lucien Vanserra stood in the library opposite them, peering into the hotel room, a full cup and saucer held in his hand.

Hunt braced his legs then lightning wreathed his body.

‘No,’ Nesta urged. ‘This is my sister’s mate.’

His voice took on a lethal edge. ‘This is Rhysand?’

‘Definitely not,’ called Lucien.

‘Elain’s mate. The eye.’

‘The eye,’ confirmed Hunt, finally taking in the golden eye and the scar rippling down Lucien’s face which was paler than usual.

‘We thought you were dead or kidnapped or trapped in the Prison.’

‘Surprise,’ Hunt said drily.

They passed the bag through first to test it. Lucien, baffled and muttering to himself, waited on the Prythian side to accept it. Maybe it was odd to keep all of the clothes from Lunathion as they’d have no place, but Nesta didn’t want to part with anything from her week there. Everything was taken from her in the war, so she wanted to keep this.

When the Harp and Atraxia were passed through safely, she said it was her turn.

The portal was too high for her step through easily so Hunt lifted her over it and Lucien, gingerly, accepted her on the other side, lowering her to the floor as if she was a sack of potatoes.

‘I think if I blow the Horn again, it will close it.’

She lifted it near to her lips. ‘Don’t make me laugh this time.’

‘It’s my last chance. I have to,’ Hunt insisted, brown eyes sparkling with joy.

But when Nesta did press the Horn closer, the amusement drained from Hunt’s expression, accepting it was the end.

A single note emitted and the flames collapsed in on themselves, leaving Nesta with a view of the tall windows in the library. She dropped the Horn then sank to her knees and wept.

[yourpicasso25]

Congrats, It's a girl!

Or in my case, a convent... Or Nunnery.

So, a fully female building except from the daily visit of a local priest. Religious services and all that, you know.

Usually before and after their more important duties at Cathédrale St Jerôme (apparently the patron saint of grumpiness, love it!)

So, History time: What was the nature and use of a convent in 18th Century France? Well, quite a lot... And most of them had nothing to do with religion, go figure.

Now, don't get me wrong. People were FAR more religious in 17something France, up to 1789 (even if it was fading prior to that), than we ever were after, and let's not talk about today.

But then, what was the use of a convent?

In short, a placa to stash unwanted females, either temporally or permanently.

In other words, when, as a child, you crossed that quite impressive gates, you had no way to know if it was for a few years, months.... Or a life sentence.

And it's not as if you had any say in the matter.

Now, Aristocrats usually kept the heir and the spare at home (after they survived the "nourrices", which is another horror I'll talk about later), the girls had far less chances to stay at home.

And in those rare cases, either the girl was the eldest and often entrusted with her younger (male) siblings, to save on paying a Nanny... Or sometimes for being exceptionnally pretty.

But for most of them it was out in the country Château, were the Elders put away there could teach them stuff.

Up till you reached 14... and entered the marriage market.

So, a couple of weeks for the parents to assess what they had, show the child around a bit and tell the world they were open to offers.

In the meantime, it was VERY important for said child to STAY A VIRGIN!

That's why town convents like St Gudule existed: A way to stash the prize while both sets of parents engaged in delicate negociations that could take years,since it was a subtle balance of ranks, dowry amount, level of connections to Versailles and so forth and so on.

Love?

please don't be ridiculous.

So, you see that Iron forged door? It's the only direct access to the girls inner circuit, and almost always locked. You coult try for to go through the kitchen, but there's always someone there,especially on visit days.

Visits?

Yes, once you start having value, family WILL visit, at least the female part to keep you up on what's going on... And TONS of gossip!

Exceptionnaly affectionate family members could share a meal with you, a the captai... Err... Mother Superior's able.

But what you should never forget is Class.

Here are the rooms of the 3 actual students. As in prison, parents are supposed to furnish those rooms, according to their status, of course.

In the smallest room, you have Marie Lanvin. Pretty enough, but mother was a tavern wench. Who's interesting is her father Jasques Lanvin second tiers famous Pirate turned corsair (same thing, but with papers and gouvernement cut).

Man discovered he was a dad recently, and to his credit, decided to give his girl some polish since she succeeded her mom as a tavern wench. No money to waste though, so Marie will serve the two others girls.

She doesn't mind,it's better than what she had; Private room and a bed, sign me up!

Marriage prospect are a bit uncertain, her father's best friend and first mate has a boy on a ship somewhere doing well for himself, but still in Piracy, soooo....

If he dosn't show up before she reaches 18 and is not considered marriage material, well, she's the most likely to stay within the Church somewhere.

At least her father has the means to pay for that.

The third room is the opposite: Jeanne Antide de Lapparen, is not really pretty, and one thing her parents are NOT is rich, but one thing she has is titles up the wazoo, and since they're from the female line, the man who weds her won't be an aristocrat... but his children will!

So she may end up being her next door neighbour sister in law.

Not sure: Anne Bouguiron, is not only the daughter of a VERY wealthy merchant, but she is also VERY pretty.

This one doesn't have to worry about ending a spinster. The only question is: Is a title worth all that these days?

Her mother would LOVE to get back some of her previous status, by saying "My Daughther, the countess de Lapparen" one day, her father looks quite dubiously at his own union and is considering one of his associates that shows much promises both in science and business.

Mark his words, those Dupont will get far one day!

Since it may be quite enough yabbering on my part for today, we will visit the rest on part two!

Whishing ya all a nice day, and see you soon.

[perpetuallyangerygoatmom]

I live in a very rural deeply maga area, so I rarely ever speak my mind about politics. Just discovered that a couple of my coworkers are not trump supporters and went on a huge very heated political rant…..embarrassed about it. I firmly stand by everything I said but I was so angry I was practically yelling, shaking. Not composed. I realize that when you speak like that people are not inclined to believe what you say, you seem “crazy”. Which lead me down this path of thought: Republicans, however bigoted they may be and however much they truly believe everything they say and do, do not have the same sense of urgency about political issues. For trans people, people of color, immigrants, any marginalized community and their allies (I.e. the left) our lives are at stake. Our identities make us targets, we are killed, denied access to things, deported. It is not just a political debate for us, our well being is on the line. It is life or death in some cases. So when we speak about politics it is harder to control that visceral anger, because shit means more.

Although that’s not entirely true? Obviously there are republicans who are members marginalized groups, Candace Owens etc; and the area I live in is comprised largely of people living below the poverty line. It is life or death for them too in some cases; they may not be able to feed themselves or their children, be denied life saving medical procedures. But they swallow the trump pill anyways, they take in the lies and vote for the politicians that hurt them too. It is why I cannot hate my trump supporting family members or coworkers. I just feel sorry for them. But how long can that sympathy withstand as we are stripped of our right to live? As a queer person, a Latina, as someone with female anatomy, how long can I sympathize with people who are voting against my very existence and freedom? If I were not white passing, if I were visibly queer, if I could not conceal my identities for protection, if that was impossible, I know they would treat me differently. So why do I still pity these people who would hate me if they knew more about me? It’s…I just don’t know. I want to believe that our country is full of good people who are being lied to, but they are adults, and if they are willing to believe these lies in the first place…that’s already awful. I just…..gah I fucking hate living in this fucked up country. I yearn for the pre trump days. Fuck that man and all of his colleagues, truly and thoroughly, from the bottom of my soul, I wish them pain and suffering equal to and greater than that which they have inflicted upon our communities.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

Belly Dance Observations Week 4

I am now going on record to state that belly dance is an essential ingredient for every female body interested in accessing its innate divine feminine power in a more accelerated journey. What I noticed this week was that my breasts have reverted back to their 20 year old texture. But it’s not about the aesthetics —they are lovely don’t get me wrong, but I'm 47 and not looking for my 20 year breasts...it is just what happened naturally. What enlivens me, what lights up my eyes and dilates my blood vessels, is that I have accessed another portal to tapping into larger untapped kinetic potential (energy, mystery, and freedom) held in the female body. More inner sunlight!

Speaking to another dance student in my class —a 60 year old body-aware ex-ballerina, she shared how she felt the same way when she first started and continues to feel that heightened radiance after each class. I get it though! The hips, spine, and belly hold power that fuels our entire ecosystem. They are the sunlight currency systems! Because I’m a pole dancer, a building/strengthening and flexibility-inducing sexy art, I felt the clarion call to nurture my center of reality with more fluidity and yin, to soften my belly and hips sort of speak. A soft belly with strong flexible legs means that the body is receiving an abundance of earth and water energy from the ground, the earth. Water and earth energy create a strong healthy lubricated female body wellspring. A lubricated female body is actually pulsing with the universe, which isn't about sex, as lovely and delicious as heart-connected sex can be. It is about creation. The creation of new narratives. The shimmies, hip drops, and belly shakes/pumps heat up or activate kundalini to help clear densely-blocked channels in our bellies from unresolved emotions in this recent life and past lives and the detached depression we continue to carry from our foremothers/forefathers trying to navigate inhumane, insanity, predatory Western systems, AND the repression from violence against our grandmothers and the accompanying terror of living in a female body throughout lifetimes.

Whew chile! No wonder so many of us behave out of alignment with our highest potential. But the beauty is that we are shifts and plot twists in our grandmothers' narratives. We have the opportunity NOW to heal in ways that our beloved grandmothers didn't have the opportunity to. Couple that with the fact that if we had a rough childhood, we must process those suppressed emotions throughout our bodies—loosen the shit up so that they can decalcify and be transmuted into more space and love that opens the way to making NEW CHOICES and IMPLEMENTING NEW HABITS🕊️! If you are highly-sensitive and empathetic like I am as well and have been working to open up your heart—to increase your frequency/magnetism through accessing more of your heart space, belly dance (or some other passionate movement like belly self-massages or other belly/hip grabbing, ass-gripping, and spine-undulating, deep-breathing touch during lovemaking) is essential and completely non-negotiable. Hot damn!

My teacher asked the other day how old I was. And she had to sit down in a chair in disbelief when I told her. I live a regenerative life and am always discovering new ways this body my soul essence lives inside of can come alive so that I share the discoveries with other women and non-binary people. I am sooooo in love with belly dance! If you are not resourced enough to get to a class, go to YouTube and find tutorials there. Play around there with moving your belly, back and hips in 4-dimensional ways. Trance out with it.

Such a big part of what I believe my role as a woman/myth being is to bequeath other women with the wisdom to navigate this human existence, to land fully in their bodies in this incarnation, and know in deepest sense that all of us is worthy and welcomed. We get to be in relationship with our bodies and all the feels-- from deep love to deep anger to sadness to pristine ecstasy. To feel them and let them run/drip/leak/undulate and be seen/felt in them and sometimes go deeply into what’s underneath when desired. In my last class, I cried for some unknown reason. It was incredibly liberating to just let it flow and move on.

Sometimes what I witness happen with women is that when we start feel our denser suppressed emotions like anger or rage, we stay in them for years....unconsciously-- without awareness, creating other calcifications like fibriods or tumors from either being easily triggered by the external world, not detoxifying and moving enough through our processes, or of course, never accessing what has been suppressed. And I get it too--it's a lot happening all at once and it can be a tough game to play . But this is the times we are living in and sometimes it's just hard so learn to be okay with life being hard while also keenly aware that it doesn’t always have to be. We have to be lovers again. A lover state of being is essential for our bodies' highest harmonies. But we also must be a bit like martial arts and warriors. Capoeira-style in the shape of belly dancers. We have to be here for all of it.

With feeling, also *practice* feeling the emotions that may be less natural for you to feel right now like joy, gratitude, appreciation, tenderness, ecstasy, softness, sweetness, relaxation, and serenity. Normalize these states so that your body receives neurotransmitters, endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin that help to nourish and repair it. Rest, hike, touching, kissing, really good sex, good nourishing food, healthy relationships, laughter, limiting social media/tv, creativity/finishing projects, good music, and of course dance. As you release and open, you may find yourself rarely usurping emotions like "anger." Not that anything is bad/wrong about the very useful emotion of anger but when you consciously create your life, the more fulfilled you become, the less necessary the energy of anger becomes for you in how you process or experience life. But if ever needed again, you know how to access your anger, embrace it, and hold yourself in it by feeling it into a warm flow.

[ghostradiodylan]

What type of music would the counselors listen to?

I know some of my mutuals have answered this question before and I'm sure my headcanons will be influenced by theirs, AND I'm also significantly older than the counselors so they're probably listening to gen z stuff my late millennial ass doesn't even know about but here goes nothing!

Laura So much SIØBHAN! Just kidding. Laura feels like two completely different characters in the game so I have a hard time deciding what I think spunky but straight-laced, ‘this is my first cop,’ over-achieving pre-vet student Laura Kearney would listen to vs badass avenging murder spree Laura Kearney (but maybe she always had that inside her). Part of me wants to say, like, 80’s pop (Prince, Blondie, Tiffany, Michael Jackson, Pat Benetar, etc.) and part of me wants to put her in the hard rock/metal zone with Ryan. Maybe she’s a bit of both.

Max I believe it was Addie (@insertlovelyperson) who said Max would listen to country music where women murder their cheating or abusive husbands. That tracks to me. Maybe it's the use of Alma Cogan's version of 'Fly Me to the Moon' in the game, but I also tend to associate him with crooner type singers of the 40's and 50's (Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, Dean Martin, etc), which is what I said he'd choose for karaoke. And because of this fanart I have no choice but to HC him as a major Ariana Grande fan, he's probably the one who chose the music for the drive to camp. So. Max has range.

Abi is the K-Pop/J-Pop stan to me but I know so little about that music beyond the crossover bands like BTS that I can't speak to it a whole lot. I think she'd also like some emo, pop-punk and moodier alt/pop. Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Melanie Martinez, Florence and the Machine, Metric, Lorde, Halsey, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Billie Eilish, Phoebe Bridgers/boygenius, etc. I feel like she's really into female fronted bands for some reason.

Jacob likes pretty much whatever is on the radio. He's a top 40 guy and has no shame about his enjoyment of Ed Sheeran and Justin Beiber, or about ugly crying to Taylor Swift and Coldplay. He rarely listens closely to the actual lyrics (and often gets them humorously wrong), he just goes on vibes. He discovers half the music he listens to via TikTok (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Emma is a theater kid through and through and loves broadway musicals. She goes through phases with each popular one. She's had a Waitress phase, a Mamma Mia phase, a Wicked phase, and a Hamilton phase, of course, and now she's into Mean Girls, Heathers, and Hadestown. Beyond that, I think she'd be a dedicated Swiftie, big Adele fan, and a lover of Britney Spears's entire body of work from the 90's through today.

Nick probably listens to stoner bro music. Like jam bands and psychedelic rock and stuff. He probably likes Dave Matthews Band and the Grateful Dead/Dark Star Orchestra, Sublime, Widespread Panic, Tame Impala, and O.A.R. Googling jam bands to remind myself which ones exist led me to the knowledge that there's an Australian psychedelic rock band called King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard and that name is so bonkers that I've decided without listening to more than a few bars that it has to be Nick's favorite band.

Ryan is a little bit emo and a little bit goth and a little bit old school punk. He needs music that's loud and moody to help sort out his feelings about life and drown out all the excess noise inside his head. He's into metal, the harder side of emo/screamo, goth rock, hard rock, punk, and post-punk. He definitely listens to Nightwish, GOJIRA, Mastodon, Lacuna Coil, Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, Bauhaus, Joy Division, Nine Inch Nails, Deftones, Thursday, Alkaline Trio, My Chemical Romance, AFI, Bad Religion, Black Flag, Minor Threat, The Misfits, Ramones, etc. He doesn't hate more accessible pop and rock music, but the closest he gets to choosing it for himself is probably something like The Cure or The Smashing Pumpkins or Depeche Mode, maybe some of the creepier Weeknd songs and Muse tracks too heavy to go on the Twilight soundtracks. He and Abi listen to Babymetal together.

Kaitlyn classic rock and 90's alternative. This girl likes the Stones more than the Beatles, though she'll listen to both. Led Zeppelin, Joan Jett, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Black Sabbath, the occasional hair band. She especially loves the 90's girl rockers like Alanis Morisette, Garbage, Hole, Veruca Salt, and No Doubt (Kaitlyn can't believe Gwen Stefani is married to pop-country dork Blake Shelton who sings that song about being your honey bee, because Gwen used to be so cool [I'm definitely not projecting]). I feel like she'd also love Bikini Kill and Sleater Kinney, Le Tigre, and The Donnas.

Dylan is the Music Guy ™ (and my personal bias/url namesake), so I've admittedly thought about his musical tastes more than most of the others'. The official Quarry website mentions his 'deep musical knowledge' and I imagine he has pretty broad views on what constitutes good music. He's got kind of a vintage vibe to him, maybe it's the reproduction band shirt from 1988, or the fact that he's into analog technology, or both, but I've noticed he's often depicted playing Queen or Bowie or something of that era in fics, which I think is realistic. This kid goes to the used record store and just buys whatever looks cool.

Fun Fact: According to the datamine, the chapters originally had literary or musical quotes at the beginning of each, and Chapter 5: White Noise (the radio hut chapter) was originally headed by the opening lyrics from Queen's 'Radio Ga Ga':

He's also the only character we see play music in canon, so we know he likes... songs from random compilation albums with inexpensive royalties. XD Just kidding, but these are the diegetic (in-universe) songs we get to hear from Dylan's playlist at the bonfire party:

All pop music of varying subtypes, so we know he appreciates a well-crafted pop song. I honestly am a fan of all of these. I think Dylan genuinely listens to everything but he seems like the type to especially like alt and indie pop, classic rock, garage rock, a bit of the more melodic side of punk, emo, and pop-punk, new wave, synth pop, electronic, and a little bit of hip hop that’s sufficiently nerdy white boy friendly (probably Beastie Boys, Run the Jewels, Post Malone, emo rap like Blackbear, etc). I also tend to gravitate towards early-mid aughts indie for him, like MGMT, Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes, OK Go, LCD Soundsystem, etc. Just seems to match his vibe. I think he'd really like BØRNS, Hozier, COIN, Mitski, and K.Flay and probably have a fair amount of overlap with Ryan's more melodic picks (MCR, Muse, The Cure, etc). Dylan probably hates Morrissey but begrudgingly loves The Smiths and definitely cranks up The Killers in his car. He’s also listening to bands right now that you’ve never heard of but will be huge in a couple years. He can probably tell you the difference between subgenres like chillwave, dream pop, and shoegaze but don’t ask me about it because I have no fucking clue.

Since we’re on the subject, here’s my absurdly long and ever-growing Rylan/Radioheads playlist because I have a problem.

And my Sweet Summer Jams playlist, that’s just a bunch of random songs I think would be clean enough to play at a summer camp as long as the kids/your boss don’t ask too many questions.

[bullshit-usa]

i suppose i want to know why are trans people the demographic you’ve decided to go after so vehemently?

if you think trans people are predatory and evil, i think i sit right here as an example of that being false. i’m a 16 year old trans girl, who’s been forced back into the closet time and time again by transphobes. i’ve been raped once and physically beaten by groups of people four times, all for the crime of being a “sexual deviant” trying to invade women’s spaces or assault them. i was twelve. (i was raped in the boys’ bathroom, i have never made an effort to be allowed to use women’s bathrooms or locker rooms, etc, out of a combination of fear for my safety and concern for others’ comfort. i also haven’t used a public restroom besides the single-person disabled bathroom at my school since that day) am i still a predator simply by being transgender? and before you say someone indoctrinated me into being trans, i grew up in a house with transphobic and somewhat homophobic family, and i never even got to meet another trans person until i was 14, three years after discovering my transness

I don't buy the stories made by teenagers, just because I know teenagers have a tendency to make shit up to "win" an argument. Nothing about you as a person, just something I adhere to out of principle. I like evidence first and foremost. I am not a "believe all victims" kind of girl.

But there is one thing that makes me suspicious of what you say, and that is this contradiction:

"i’ve been raped once and physically beaten by groups of people four times, all for the crime of being a 'sexual deviant' trying to invade women’s spaces or assault them..." "i have never made an effort to be allowed to use women’s bathrooms or locker rooms..."

How can they beat you for something you never did? If you never made an effort to be in women's private areas, then they can't beat you for being in those areas. They can only assume that is your intention, but I feel like I would have to assume that this is what you mean, but I don't make assumptions out of principle. You need to clarify.

I was also raised by conservatives, but I still identified as transgender because of internet access at a young age. Irrelevant. Isn't it kinda weird that so much has changed since you were 11 and 16 but somehow this one thing has stayed the same? At 11 I wanted to be a teacher, at 16 I wanted to be an animator, at 21 I wanted to be a lawyer. So much changes in your teenage years but I feel like you've assumed that it is impossible for you to rethink your own identity or that it is impossible for your 11-year-old self to be wrong. Was I correct that I will become a teacher at 11? Yes. Imagine if I adhered to the same rigid thinking that it was inevitable that I would become a teacher just because I wanted to be one. That it was inherent in my identity.

Then when does that cross from being a legitimate identification of the self to a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you act under the assumption that you are destined to be a teacher, you will make decisions that will make this future more likely. You will pave your own path, meaning it was only determined to be so because you thought it was determined. If you stop thinking it is a determined future, it will stop being a determined future.

Of course, this comparison fails on multiple levels, but I am using it to tell you to allow yourself the flexibility to change your mind. Do what I refused to do at your age, stop identifying as female and stop thinking its "fate" and identify as a man in your own head for a few weeks. Just as a trial run. Do all the things you thought you had to do to think of yourself as female, like using a different name or set of pronouns for yourself internally, but for your biological sex. The point of this is to show that you're fulfilling your own prophecy and that once you get out of the habit of fulfilling the prophecy, the prophecy won't exist anymore.

I don't think children are predators unless they rape or assault someone. I think the same of many adult trans-identified males. I think a lot of them are insecure and disillusioned, nothing more. I'm not a radical feminist, I'm a southern conservative who identifies as gender critical.

[aprillikesthings]

can I finish this before I gotta get ready and leave for the Maundy Thursday service let's find out lol

(Edit: Nope.)

THREE MORE EPISODES LEFT

*cries*

s5 ep11 Failsafe

someone hold me

I have to actively suppress the urge to read the synopses of the episodes at this point

oh also lol this is just funny to me, I saw a post Elsewhere Online where someone watched all of spop the first time and they HATED the dumb names everyone has, and I think they mentioned Castaspella specifically.

And like FIFTY PEOPLE responded with "dude they had to use the original names from the 1980's series" and I was the only one there old enough to have watched the original series and I had to point out: the original series was made to sell toys. The vast majority of cartoons in 1985 were only made to sell toys. They gave everyone those dumbass names because it was easy for kids to remember and beg for the toys."

That's also why all the female characters in the original series have the exact same body type. Yeah the body shape itself was due to 1980's-era sexism, but also? It was so much cheaper to animate the show AND make the toys that way!

But also, it's hella ironic to me that the 2018 show has so little official merch!

And now, back to crying over cartoon lesbians:

good question

ugh I hate her

Shadow Weaver: "While you were traipsing around in space,"

OH MY GOD they were saving a few people's LIVES and it was kind of IMPORTANT but WHATEVER

"--some of us have been working to stop the Heart of Etheria from falling into Prime's hands. And we discovered the same thing you did. Rumors of a Failsafe that will break the restraints the First Ones built and set the stolen magic free." Glimmer: "Are you kidding? After everything that happened last time, you're still going after the Heart of Etheria? And you're helping her?" Castaspella: "We're trying to free the magic for all of Etheria so we can be strong enough to fight Prime. I'm doing this for your father and for you. Shadow Weaver is the lesser of two evils."

I love that she says this right in front of Shadow Weaver. Like "girl I hate her too"

nice

okay ngl I have mixed feelings about this one because unfortunately she's not entirely wrong here but also, shut the fuck up

(something something people are responsible for their own actions but also she wouldn't have done all that godawful shit if Shadow Weaver hadn't been such a shitty parent)

but yeah Catra gets up like she's about to fucking throw some hands and Adora's like It's okay bb

;_;

but also they do need the information Shadow Weaver and Castaspella have

so it turns out Mystacor was built on top of a First Ones' citadel? huh

Castaspella: "Beneath Mystacor, there are many secret tunnels and rooms, forgotten and sealed off. No one has been able to access them in centuries, but there are whispers of what they contain." Shadow Weaver: "An artifact known as the Crystal of Arxia, hidden there by a group of traitorous First Ones." Castaspella: "You said I could do it!"

lol they bicker like old marrieds

Adora: "If you figured it out on your own, why come back here? Why do you need us at all?" Shadow Weaver: "Because Mystacor is controlled by Micah, who, you may recall, is controlled by Horde Prime."

they've been TRYING

"If he seizes the Heart, it will all be over."

Stop toUCHING HER

oh god Adora turns around to ask Catra to help out--and she's gone

YOU'RE THE REASON SHE'S FUCKING "SULKING" and you fucking know it, why are abusers always so god damned surprised to find out their kids don't want to be anywhere near them

(I mean I know why, they think they should be able to control you forever)

aaahahaha Adora's just like Nah I'mma go look for her tho

anyway roll intro!

omg look at Netossa and Spinny on the bottom left awwwww

she looks so sad

well okay sad and angry

their conversation here is so good, because Catra's fully aware of why Adora's doing this, but is really struggling to push past how much she (justifiably!) hates Shadow Weaver and hates being around her

I actually do kinda wish I'd kept a list of all the times Adora does the self-sacrificial thing, separated into "someone asked her to do it" vs "nobody asked her to do it" lol

BUT ADORA EXPRESSES A NEED oh nice that's progress

Adora: "Hey, she can't do anything to us anymore. Please, come. We--I-could really use your help."

two things I really love about this: One, she doesn't say that she doesn't like Adora, just that it's not the reason she's going. Two, I feel like Adora knows damn well Catra's not being 100% honest here.

Like, to some extent Catra's saying this as a way of attempting to protect herself a little. She's taking baby steps towards vulnerability, and it's terrifying! And I think Adora can see that and is fine with it--not JUST because she's like "any crumbs are better than nothing" but ALSO because she doesn't want to push Catra.

Because yeah, if there was any actual doubt that Catra does like Adora--

WELL.

Entrapta was able to get Spinerella's chip out but says it had started fusing with her nervous system and they're running out of time to safely un-chip everyone.

But she's been digging around the network that connects all the chips to Prime, hoping to figure out how to disconnect everyone at once, and Bow gives her a little encouragement, it's really sweet.

OKAY so everyone who can, teleports to Mystacor with Melog making them invisible. (Apparently Catra doesn't get motion sick from it anymore which is nice lol)

I love the way they animated them being invisible

oh GOD okay

Catra turns around and says "looks like there's no sorcerers here" while, unfortunately, a sorcerer walks into the room. Shadow Weaver grabs Catra and puts her hand over her mouth to keep her quiet, and Catra (understandably!! but unfortunately!!) jerks away in fury and yells

And her fury causes Melog to drop the invisibility

And now the chipped sorcerer knows they're all there

they manage to duck the attack but Adora goes to transform into She-Ra--and can't do it

she had this issue last episode aaaugh it's not from being near Shadow Weaver she wasn't there

okay but also Adora runs behind a pillar to hide from an attack with Catra and it's cute

girl help why is this giving me so many emotions

y'know it's funny how often I've bumped into posts of people who are confused as to why Adora starts trusting Catra again so quickly, and I frequently wonder if they forget all the childhood flashback scenes of these two. To varying extents they both spent their entire childhoods seeing the other as their only consistent source of comfort and (something resembling) safety, and with some notable exceptions Adora's spent the last four seasons (which was like three or four years) visibly holding out hope that one day she could trust Catra again. This despite the fact that she now has other sources of safety and comfort and love!!! Being with Glimmer and Bow and everyone else was healing, sure; but it never erased her grief over losing Catra. She always, always held out the tiniest flame of hope that Catra would change sides.

And Catra basically tried lighting her own grief on fire (metaphorically and kinda literally) over and over and it just didn't go away, and I feel like when she saved Glimmer and apologized to Adora she had sort of come to terms with the fact that her grief over losing Adora couldn't be burned away, but of course by then she figured she'd fucked up so bad Adora would never forgive her or trust her again. And rather than take it out on other people or suffer any longer she was willing to just die, instead. She really did think that sending Glimmer to Adora was going to be her last act, and she wanted Adora to know she was sorry before she fucking DIED. And I don't think her saving Glimmer was consciously meant to be proof that she meant her apology, but it was. And that's part of why Adora trusts her again.

The fact is, even after everything that happened, both of them had a hole in their hearts shaped like the other. ;_;

And that's why Adora runs and hides behind the same pillar as Catra. (I mean yes, it was also closer, but that's not tHE POINT)

Anyway, this is all why, as I previously noted, Adora's not being pushy. That failed on her, spectacularly; the couple of times she tried it. Asking Catra to come along on this mission is the closest she's come. And even then, it wasn't "you're a good person deep down and you should change sides because I think I know you better than you know yourself," It was "please do this for me, because I need your help." And Catra is fully aware of how hard that is for Adora.

And these two still have a lot to work out post-canon (like, Catra has still got to deal with her need to not just be seen as Adora's sidekick/shadow, and lbh right now some of the rebellion is like "we're only putting up with you for Adora's sake" as if Catra was Yoko Ono) but that's part of why I'm writing a fic lolol

I have so many feelingssss on a related note I spent like fifteen solid minutes last night in bed having taken an edible and listening to my playlist and staring at this gifset lolol

ANYWAY Castaspella knocks out the chipped dude and they run for it

AAAND lol I gotta get ready to go to church. There's still 17:30 left on this episode. Pfft.

BACK FROM CHURCH I washed someone's feet, they washed mine, they stripped the altar, I go back at one or two in the morning for the overnight vigil

In the meantime: gonna finish this episode

(what is my life sometimes)

Entrapta plans to find a bunch of clones so she can figure out how their signals to Horde Prime work. Swift Wind is like Ugh, fine, I'll go with you, someone's gotta save your ass

Entrapta: "Thanks, bird horse!"

lol how many times have they had that convo

A family can be a sorcerer and her evil ex, a girl and a boy, two traumatized lesbians, and a cat

But also it looks like something out of an episode of Scooby Doo

Shadow Weaver opens a magic door

ngl that's PRETTY. like it's obviously about the Heart of Etheria but wow!

(and there's a dinosaur???)

Adora notices how stressed out Catra is and says "It'll be okay...Trust me." ;_;

Shadow Weaver: "There's no time to waste!"

"...disturbance."

The disturbance was your fault, dumbass. I am reminded of all the times my dad got angry at us for being afraid of him. And would hit us. For being. Afraid of him. Because y'know. That's how you stop a kid from being afraid of you. By hitting them.

In any case Shadow Weaver is still trying to get between them and separate them and I just really need this bitch to stop.

(Yes yes I remember she dies later)

Castaspella: "We're on the right path. The Crystal of Arxia was rumored to be the key to reaching deep magic within Etheria."

"But those who hungered for more power have long sought other ways to obtain the deep magic...with disastrous results."

HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT lemme reblog

[damonblack966]

Discovering the Magic of Bone Throwing

What Are Throwing Bones?

Throwing bones is a cool way to predict the future. It's like using a special set of tools that include bones, shells, and other cool stuff. Each witch has their own unique set of bones that they use to tell the future. The way the bones fall and touch each other helps the witch understand what's going to happen.

Why Bone Throwing is Awesome

Bone throwing is a special kind of divination that helps you connect with your inner voice and unlock your true potential. It's not as easy to learn as tarot reading, but it's totally worth it. When you make your own set of throwing bones, you build a strong connection with them. This makes your divination even more powerful!

Pros of Bone Throwing

Personalized: Your bone set is unique to you. You can add or remove pieces and make it your own. There's no right or wrong way to do it!

Psychic Power: Bone throwing helps you tap into your psychic abilities and improve your intuition.

Badass Feeling: Using natural items and hand-me-down trinkets makes you feel connected to the earth and past generations of witches. It's a powerful way to connect with your spiritual self.

Cons of Bone Throwing

Volatile: Sometimes, bone throwing doesn't work. If you're not in the right mindset or the bones don't like your question, you may not get an answer.

Psychic Abilities: If you don't think you have psychic abilities, bone throwing might not work for you. But don't worry, everyone has psychic capabilities and you can learn to access them!

Delicate: Bone throwing sets can be fragile, making them difficult to travel with or use in public spaces. You'll need to be careful not to damage them.

If you're ready to take your divination skills to the next level, sign up for my Divination For Witchcraft class today!

Creating Your Own Bone Set: A Fun and Intuitive Process

Introduction

Creating your own set of throwing bones can be a really fun and intuitive process. It might take you some time to collect all the pieces, but that's part of the adventure! As you go about your daily life, you'll start noticing things that would be perfect for your bone set. People might give you strange gifts, you'll find odd items that catch your attention, and before you know it, your bone-throwing set will be complete.

What Kind of Items to Look For

Even though it's called a bone-throwing set, you don't have to include actual bones if that makes you uncomfortable. You can collect feathers, pretty rocks, seashells, antique trinkets, buttons, driftwood, bottle caps, crystals, carved wood figures, and anything else that speaks to you. The most important thing is that each item feels right in your set.

Choosing the Bones

Each item in your set will represent something. You'll need to choose one bone to represent yourself, and it should be slightly larger than the rest. You can attach different meanings to each bone, but here are some ideas to get you started:

The self

Health

Wealth

Family

Love

Magic

Yes (or the green light bone)

No

Evil/Bad intentions

Male

Female

One/Many

Truth

Other (for reading for someone else)

Fated or Decision

You don't have to include all of these pieces in your set. If you want a basic set, you can use numbers 1-6, 9, 10, 11, and 13. That's 10 pieces, which will give you detailed readings without taking too long to collect.

Take Your Time

Don't rush the process of finding the items for your bone set. It's important that the set feels cohesive and gives accurate readings. Give yourself plenty of time, and trust your intuition when you come across an item that feels right.

Preparing Your Bones

You can consecrate the bones if you like, but I've found that the pieces that find their way into my set already know their purpose. When you have all your pieces, you'll also need a throwing cloth. This is a piece of cloth with markings on it to help you identify the importance of each piece.

The basic setup is a cloth with two circles on it. The smaller circle represents everything directly involved, the larger circle represents things indirectly involved, and anything outside the circles is irrelevant. You can play around with different setups or create your own. Remember, this divination set should be completely yours!

It's also a good idea to have a bag or box to keep all the pieces together when you're not using them. Losing pieces can mess up your readings.

Using Your Bone Set

When you're ready to start using your set, find a soft surface to set up your cloth. Hard surfaces can cause the pieces to bounce away. I usually read on a carpeted floor or a yoga mat.

Place the self bone in the center of your cloth. Take the rest of your set in your hands or a bowl, and focus on your question or the situation you want to understand better. You can play with the bones, shake them in your hands, or let them pour from one hand to the other.

When you're ready, cast the bones onto the cloth. This might take some practice. At first, everything might fall in one spot or some pieces might fly off the cloth. Keep trying until you can spread the bones out on the cloth without them falling off.

Now comes the part that you'll learn through experience. Observe how the bones fall and remember what each piece represents. Then, clear your mind and be still. Listen and wait. See if any thoughts or feelings come up. Pay attention to any narratives or persistent thoughts that match the bones. These could be the messages that the bones are giving you.

If you don't feel anything at first, don't worry. Developing psychic intuition takes time and practice. Experiment, keep working at it regularly, and stay aware of the messages you receive. And most importantly, have fun!

[tony-alcatraus-rf]

Tony, are you able to reproduce? Would you fall into the category of a Drone or a Queen? Can you create offspring?

As of right now, I'm medically sterile, because I am able to carry offspring, but they do not carry to term due to the Drone chromosones I carry, which furthermore creates a health risk for me because that means I'm technically not supposed to be doing it, my body just has/had the ability to. Drones are speculated to be inherently asexual because of there being a lack of females to reproduce with and just not having the equipment/knowledge to reproduce in the first place. However, Ive heard its not the same story for wild Drones who have never been exposed to the indoctrination of the factories and had natural access to reproduction. I've seen humongous wild Mudokon families.

It's difficult to illustrate over a paragraph. In recent years, my Drone chromosones seem to be more prominent and dominant over my female chromosones, but I was assigned female at birth before being discovered as intersex.

If I have to personally catagorize myself in a black-and-white narrative, I catagorize myself as a Drone, but according to the government, Im a Queen. But I really like considering myself somewhere in between. It's fun to watch people try to put the pieces of it together and figure out what I am.

[the12thnightproject]

@venulus

venulus asked:

Dear advisors, I hope this letter finds you well. I'm writing because I need your help. There's this wicked leopard who's stolen my heart and now I can't stop sighing, and dreaming, and swooning, and mooning over him. I'm lovesick and only he has the cure. He's a menace! The problem is I have no idea how to conquer his heart. Please help me! 🥺 Lots of love, the poor little lost puppy. 💜

Dear P.L.L.P.,

Angel, my apologies for the delay, as I needed to confer with one of my information sources.

[Hand raised - Moderatelyawesomesource]

[“Awesome sauce?” - Mai]

[“Would that taste good on pickled plums?” - GOOD OF WAR]

… who informed me that contrary to conventional wisdom, a leopard is not a female tiger (which would involve a different conversation altogether). My source assures me that although your leopard has a somewhat unconventional sense of humor, he is also a gentleman. As such, your leopard more than likely does not know he has stolen your heart.

Why would I make this assumption? A gentleman does not take advantage of another persons’ feelings for him. Therefore, were he aware of your feelings, he would either (a) tell you he feels the same way, or (b) gently and kindly explain that he is flattered (as of course any person would be flattered to be given your heart) but does not return that affection. If he is aware and has not done either of these things, he is not a gentleman after all.

Proceeding on the supposition that your leopard does not know how you feel and you at the same time do not know how he feels, what we have here are two sides that are equally matched when it comes to reconnaissance and information. Now, if you do not have access to a personal system of informants (and truly, Angel, I would advise you to perhaps create your own network, as my source states that your political situation is rather perilous), I suggest testing your gentleman.

[In battle.. YES. - GOOD OF WAR]

[No! - MAI]

[No…. But… Mai… theoretically, what do you think would be the outcome of a sparring match between Lord Kenshin and Chevalier Michel? - Moderatelyawesomesecretotomefan]

[Mai.exe has experienced a fatal system error.]

[Sasuke, are you implying I could lose? Do you remember what getting fired means? ~GOOD OF WAR]

While the battle tests suggested by my colleagues might indeed help you discover your leopard’s ability to protect you, this is not the type of test I was suggesting. Your leopard is mischievous, a man who is said to prize amusement above all else. Therefore, your tests should be designed to be amusing. Challenge him to a series of non-lethal games, use all of your intelligence and allure to turn the tables on him. Confuse him. Keep him off balance to the point that he is the one who is sighing and swooning.

Because I promise you this, Angel, one thing that entices most gentlemen, in fact almost every man, is the prospect of winning a woman who can keep up with every challenge, who -

[Why can’t she just tell him how she feels? - Yuki.]

[Because this method is more amusing, which is what the target prizes. - Tiger of Kai]

[I will never understand women. - Yuki]

[Yuki, in this case, it is about understanding men. - Tiger of Kai]

Angel, amuse, outthink, and confound your leopard and he will be yours… if after all that effort, you still believe him worthy. And if not, and you happen to find your way into my world, I would be more than happy to make you sigh and swoon and ensure that all your dreams are very, very sweet.

Best of Luck,

Tiger of Kai

This is not all that Art of Love has to offer. Check out @lorei-writes for the God GOOD of War’s answer to your question.

Note: text from Kenshin provided by @lorei-writes

[themattress]

Hey look, I found and filled out an old school controversy meme template!

Favorite Character: Rei Hino and Minako Aino. Rei was my favorite ever since I was a kid because she had a fun personality and badass fire powers, but as I grew up and gained access to things like Codename Sailor V, I really began to develop a deep fondness and appreciation for Minako as well. I can't possibly choose between them; they're both great.

Despised Character: The Sailor Starlights, primarily the anime versions (the manga versions just seem kind of pointless to me). It's the final season of the show and yet so much time is being hogged by these newcomers, who are unlikable jackasses on top of that. Truthfully, I'd have much rather kept Chibiusa around, at least she's someone I know and care about.

Most Overrated Character: The anime's Haruka Tenoh and Michiru Kaioh. Now don't get me wrong, I love them too and I 100% get why they're so special to so many fans. But I feel that often blinds people to their less than stellar writing in the second half of S and throughout Sailor Stars. The writers took their status as "Darker and Edgier Sailor Senshi" way too far, to the point where they started coming off as unlikable strawmen of Magical Girl genre haters.

Most Underrated Character: Unazuki Furuhata. Why didn't she show up in Crystal!?

Favorite Couple: Usagi/Mamoru, primarily manga/Crystal and Junichi Sato-directed!anime.

Despised Couple: Usagi/Seiya. Toxic, inauthentic, just all-around bad. Burn it with fire.

Favorite Season: The original Sailor Moon. I don't even know how to describe it other than lightning that never quite struck twice. I think the franchise owes much of its success to it.

Despised Season: Sailor Stars. First we have an arc that butchers Queen Nehelenia, then Chibiusa is insultingly written out offscreen, then Mamoru dies without anyone knowing so that we can have the Breakup Plot 2.0, then a boy band that can transform into female Sailor Senshi start hogging the spotlight with one of them getting into a toxic relationship with Usagi, the villains are more incompetent than ever and still doing the same Monster of the Week formula with the monsters being utterly nonsensical in their origin (not to mention not in the manga at all), and we end with a six-part finale that tries so hard to cram in as much emotion and devastation as possible without doing it half as well as the original season's two-part finale. And this is the last season of the show! It's just such an insulting way for the show to go out, with its good points few and far between. Most of the staff from prior seasons weren't on this one and its director was actively sick of the franchise, and it really does feel like it.

Favorite Villain: Technically my favorite villains are the Dark Kingdom from the anime's original season, but across the whole franchise I have to go with the Black Moon Clan.

Despised Villain: Queen Nehelenia from Sailor Stars. An offensive, contradictory rewrite of what was previously among the anime's best villains. Let's pretend she never happened, 'K?

Favorite Episode: Episode 24 of the original season. The show taking an unrepentant villain and still allowing him to rediscover his humanity and find a measure of redemption by sacrificing his life for another blew me away when I first saw it as a kid. This episode and all the ones leading up to it marked the point where a really good show became a great one.

Despised Episode: Episode 22 of Sailor Stars. The Sailor Starlights reach the absolute pinnacle of unlikability in their hypocritical attitude toward discovering the Senshi's identities, and then Sailor Aluminum Seiren is killed off in a cruel, mean-spirited way that we end up with no emotional catharsis over later. At this point, it just didn't feel like Sailor Moon to me.

[destinyamunique]

Ways to Access Your Feminine Energy Tips

On the journey of girlhood, we are not fully taught how to take care of ourselves. Instead, we are given the awkward talk about our period and how we are coming into womanhood, with warnings to be careful around boys. There is confusing propaganda about what a feminine being should be, with many different ideas presented. As a result, many beautiful ladies have gone through life thinking they were "just female" and that there is nothing special about being a feminine being. They endure being catcalled now and then, facing sexist experiences in the workplace, comparing themselves to ever-changing beauty standards, dealing with uterus problems, and so much more.

Women are the healers, lovers, makers, and destroyers, we have played so many meaningful roles in history and even now. It is time for women to come back to our juicy feminine energy these are my tips for accessing your feminine energy.

Sensuality

Sensuality is in all of us you don't have to cast some magic spell to get it. How to get to the feeling of sensuality is by taking a step inside yourself and being present with your senses. My favorite way to exercise my senses is when i am cooking smelling the food cooking in the pan, listening to the sound of vegetables being chopped on the cooking board, tasting the food to make sure it has enough seasoning, and then plating my food making sure it looks presentable. I also find sensuality in dancing which leads to my next point.

Dancing

How can i really go into the explanation of dance I mean it dancing! How could you not love it?! I know it can be a little embarrassing to think of yourself dancing if you are an overthinker. I can be a thinker myself and get a little shy but what I do is shift it. I start to think I am this confident, sexy person who can dance and then I just do it. After you finish reading this post I want you to take 10 mins out of your day to dance and then see how you feel.

Getting Creative

Getting creative can be hard for some of us so I can understand feel you can't. So if you are a person who does know where to start to get creative let me give you a list.

<3 Drawing

<3 Finding diys on YouTube

<3 Scrapbooking

<3 What is something you do a lot in your daily life how can you make that better?

<3 Sewing if you are willing to learn

<3 Going in your closet and try to create a fashion-forward outfit even if you have to fake it till you make it

<3 New hobbies don't need to an expensive one

<3 Try looking up art to get inspired

The last and final one is

Giving yourself the space to be you

If we can't be a safe space for ourselves we would find shelter from the rain.

Reflect on your values and ask yourself are the actions you take align with the true you. Set boundaries with people and even yourself if needed.

Become aware of yourself then take action with self-compassion. Trying to become aware of yourself can sometimes be these wow moments when even surprise ourselves with the things we discover it can be crazy. Don't try to figure out in a day all the things you are not aware of (I tried to do this before) just be in a present state with your thoughts and actions log them down in a journal or a phone. And just also remember whatever comes up remember to keep compassion with yourself and think about the inner child in you that deserves kind words.

THANK YOU FOR READING I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY FULL OF GORG ENERGY! AND HEAL THAT POWERFUL FEMININE INSIDE OF YOU!

bye bye my beautiful babes

[delta-queerdrant]

in a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways (Cold Fire, s2 e10)

Around the time I watched “Cold Fire,” I read an excerpt from poet Maggie Smith’s memoir, which chronicled how, as a writer and primary caregiver to her kids, she found professional success incompatible with the survival of her marriage. “Please don’t,” she tells a friend who wants to send Smith's husband a picture of the line at her book signing. “It’ll just make everything worse.”

The piece made me so sad, the same sadness I feel every time I’m reminded that our culture is terrified of powerful women. We see this in our popular culture, with its recurring tropes of ungovernable female villains, and perhaps more insidiously, female heroes whose own power is their greatest threat. Men and boys are tasked to defeat external obstacles, but women are always struggling against ourselves. 

“Cold Fire” simultaneously evokes and dodges these themes of dangerous female power in a way that feels very squishy and contradictory. Kes gains access to “dark” Ocampan powers and has to overcome them, but the episode makes the empathetic choice to portray her journey as universal rather than as evidence of a personal failing. “Do not fear your negative thoughts,” Tuvok, Zen master, tells her in the final scene. “They are part of you. They are part of every living being, even Vulcans.” Even Neelix is on board with her self-discovery, earning a stamp in his underutilized “good boyfriend” passport for being genuinely excited about her personal growth.

As the episode opens, Tuvok is leading Kes through a frankly creepy telepathy session (aren’t there mindreading ethics?), when Voyager stumbles on a Caretaker-like array populated by Ocampa. Kes gets to play diplomat to the colony, a fun expansion of her skillset.

Suspiria, the female Caretaker, reinforces the “lawful male / chaotic female” vibe of the episode - while the Caretaker we’re familiar with played divine patriarch to Kes’s people, Suspiria has settled the Ocampa in her own array and gifted them with psionic powers. The whereabouts of the second Caretaker has been one of the chief ongoing mysteries of the show, but Suspiria is frankly very boring - a vengeful, irrational goddess who takes form as a little girl. (Star Trek seems to have a penchant for “tiny blond girls as otherworldly aliens.”) The episode closes with her return being teased, but of course we never see her again.

Under the tutelage of Tanis, who serves as emissary of Suspiria’s tower of Babel, Kes nearly kills Tuvok with her developing psychic powers. Soon after, she nukes the contents of the airponics bay and, doing so, discovers the joy of wielding death and destruction. This is where the episode veers into silliness for me. Jennifer Lien is a great actor, but I can’t buy her performance, because the script doesn't feel, to me, rooted in character.

Parables about power often make this mistake: “it’s intoxicating!” “It’s like a drug!” But people chase power (and intoxication) for extremely personal reasons. Kes is a character driven by intellectual curiosity, and while she’s totally capable of leaving her friends behind for a sufficiently compelling adventure, I can’t see her being tempted to align herself with an amoral weirdo like Tanis. If people are going to write stories about dangerous women, they should at least take a moment to ask why a woman might want to be dangerous.

Happily, Kes doesn’t have to give up her powers; she uses them to save the day and resolves to find balance under Tuvok’s guidance. But I’m not sure this show ever finds the plot when it comes to Kes’s abilities and what they mean to her. At the end of the day, it’s just kinda an incoherent mess. 

2.5/5 dark impulses.

[variousqueerthings]

so ok, having finished rodeo, a movie I've been excited to watch for over a year, lotta thoughts

definitely worth the wait for me

the ideas explored in this movie are so very very complex, it's almost difficult to fit plot around them and yet it does so pretty immaculately

my biggest downside i think would be that it had space for a longer runtime. there were definitely bits that were rushed and the ending seemed to come... not out of nowhere, but faster than i think it needed to. some of the character dynamics (especially mr crime boss) felt a little underbaked

but. BUT: it doesn't really matter to me so much for several reasons - the story trajectory was fucking solid (I saw some people say not enough happened/that it was purely a vibes-based film, which was odd to me. i thought this film careened forward plotwise, it was very easy to see the direction it was going in, it wasn't trying to trick us or slow us down to get there) - the acting was great across the board. read that they were non-actors, and that naturalism really did come across, but i also don't think there was awkwardness or a lack of direction in the acting that can sometimes come from working with non-actors. probably because they were in their element - obviously, especially the lead -- can't tell if she's a non-actor or a newcomer, but either way she was amazing. every time a movie creates a female character who is SO SO off-putting and abrasive and angry and unwilling to give an inch an angel gets its wings, and she really commits, but also i thought she was incredibly vulnerable, it was simply that the language for who she is is completely impossible to access so what has she got left as a girl-who-may-not-be-a-girl from a rough estate, multi-ethnic, desperate to access a macho environment? like. of course she's got her hackles up near-constantly - the haunting???? THE HAUNTING?????? THIS WAS A GHOST STORY???????? HELLO????????????? what if you were a girl-who-was-an-incorrect-girl-who-wanted-to-be-like-a-boy-but-mainly-you-wanted-to-go-fast! and this man who helped you start getting your wings haunted/possessed you and you knew the only thing that mattered was being on the bike, that moment when you're going as fast as you can, that's who you really are, and you get it via the ghost of this dead man who comes to you in your dreams and claws his way inside you and gives you sage advice (and is also stunningly beautiful) - the gender, obviously. the overlap of trans/non/agender/dyke-gender/boy/boi/girl-not-girl coming-of-age explorations in there and the thing is, the beautiful beautiful thing is... i was expecting this film to go in the direction of "ah yea, and then she discovers her innate womanhood via this straight romance clearly being established between her and this guy" OR later on "she discovers her innate lesbian womanhood via this romance possibly being established between her and this woman" and neither of these things happen!!!!!!!! - this movie is for the aroaces, is what I'm saying. the triple-a's even. heck possibly the pentagon a's tbh: she's giving us aro, ace, aplatonic, afamilial, agender, she's giving us "all that Matters is the bike, stealing them, riding them, cleaning them up, going fast" she even sleeps with the bike at one point (literally sleeps, not sexually), that's who she is! - for the objectums too i just realised. the bike is the most important relationship here - and all of that Lack Of Romance that gets established is kind of at the heart of untangling a lot of her gender as well. she never does have a traditional coming-of-age, because to her all that mattered was getting to ride bikes, getting to steal those bikes, being the baddest bikerider, becoming something mythological and she did that! - so the ending is probably not for everyone, but i did see it as a positive. she wasn't in it "to be accepted" in the end (that was her first need, but really it was a means, and while she did take the kindness and give it back at times, esp to the wife, and i think one can read it as subtextual lesbianism, i do think there are textual moments to suggest she feels mostly sorry for her and her solution is: BIKES!!! like she wants to get her away from her husband, and she likes her kid, but it's not necessarily about getting her to herself, it's about offering freedom), she was in it to ride bikes forever and she does get that - fucking. it's a ghost story!!!! about asphalt pirates!!!!!!!! it invokes cowboys and pirates and highway men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so in the end ok yeah, maybe the movie is a little bit about The Vibes, but I'd say more about The Themes and i can imagine a lot of people are seeing setups and expecting certain directions and feeling let down when that's not what the movie does. i did that at one point, specifically related to either having a heist go wrong or the crime boss guy acting out, and neither of these really happen, she's like. very good at what she does, consistently, and the only thing that goes wrong, every time, is that her innate being -- her Otherness (she calls herself Unknown arghhh) -- gets her into trouble with the guys (later just one guy who can't let go) who cannot square that with their reality of how the world Should Be, which is very very interesting. the plot doesn't come for her, her own hubris doesn't come for her, it's simply that Who She Is is threatening

but also that "Who She Is" is never totally spelled out -- it could be dykery, gender (which is also dykery in many ways), aroness, and really it's a mix of all of these because these things overlap in a multitude of ways (AND the movie definitely lends deliberate credence to all of them -- at one point someone disputes that she's "a tranny," at another point she's playing house with a married woman for a day and is warned away from her, at a third point a guy asks her if she "has a pussy" it's all "wrong gender/sexuality/relationship-structures")

which is. very very queer of this film

anyway. so. queer asphalt pirate haunting. but not as a series of tropes, if you expect tropes you will be disappointed. as an exploration and a kiss towards subculture and a feminist coming-of-age that's not about love for once

also this as double-feature with titane, although i wouldn't call this eroticism of the machine, because crucially julie in this film does not want to fuck anything or anyone, she just wants to be spiritually connected to a motorbike forever, unlike ofc alexia, who is consistently very very horny for the cars/trucks

spiritualism of the machine, if you will