#and different needs and wants in a partnership
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sillybruja · 2 days ago
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╔═══⋆。˚ ☁️ what breaks your heart based on where your venus lives ☁️ ˚。⋆═══╗
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💔 venus shows us what we CRAVE in love — so when it goes missing, it hurts differently. this is where heartbreak touches your soul in the most tender, quiet ways.
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✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 1𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🪞 being overlooked
you don’t just want to be seen — you need to be felt. when people look right through you, it feels like your light got dimmed. your presence is your love language.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 2𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
💎 being taken for granted
you love through devotion, effort, and grounded loyalty. when someone doesn’t see the worth in what you give so freely, it feels like they’re saying you don’t matter.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 3𝐫𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
📩 silence where there was once connection
you bond through late-night conversations, shared playlists, and random texts. so when love goes quiet, it echoes in your chest.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 4𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🏡 feeling emotionally unsafe
you love in ways that feel like home. when someone shakes that foundation or abandons your softness — you retreat. and that silence isn’t apathy; it’s heartbreak.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 5𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🎠 when love makes you shrink
you love with drama, color, play, and light. when someone gets jealous of your shine or makes you feel “too much,” it hurts like watching your own spark fade.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 6𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🧺 being expected but not chosen
you do the little things that make love real. but when no one shows up for you, or worse — acts like your love is a favor, not a gift — it breaks your softest parts.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 7𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🔗 not being met halfway
you’re made for connection. partnership is sacred to you. when you give your all and they only give convenience… it feels like being left at the altar of your own heart.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 8𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🩶 surface-level love
you want to be devoured, soul-first. when someone flinches at your intensity or treats love like a game — it’s not just rejection. it’s soul abandonment.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 9𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
📖 when love asks you to shrink
your love is expansive, idealistic, and full of vision. being told to “be realistic” or abandon your dreams feels like losing the wings you were born with.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 10𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🏹 when your devotion isn’t respected
you’re loyal in your love and want something that lasts. when someone disrespects your effort — especially in front of others — it feels like being torn down in public.
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 11𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
💫 being excluded
you fall for your friends, for ideas, for dreams. when you're left out or feel like an outsider in love, it’s not just lonely — it’s disorienting..
✧・゚: ✧ 𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 12𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 ✧:・゚✧
🌊 love that can’t be claimed
you love in secret, in silence, in dreams. when that love has no space in the daylight — when it must stay hidden — it hurts in a way even you can’t explain.
⟡ DM me for:
🌙 𝙋𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙏𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙩 & 𝙋𝙨𝙮𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙘 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨
🪐 𝘽𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝘼𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙨
𓆩𖤐𓆪 𝙁𝙖𝙨𝙩, 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙩.
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╔═══════ ⋆★⋆ ═══════╗
🔮 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒘𝒏 — 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕.
✨ 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚.
🌙 𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍, 𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍, 𝒐𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒆.
╚═══════ ⋆★⋆ ═══════╝
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w4rningbutterflies · 2 days ago
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          It's a soft hum through his veins, even if hadn't noticed it before; whenever Suguru relaxes, he relaxes by proxy.  Tongue presses against his cheek and he shivers, allowing his body to press more firmly against the other's.  His head swims with the same feelings that brush up against his mind; it's like inviting someone else in, allowing a part of himself to be given over so easily.  He's teased constantly because of his vampire novels that he had kept in secret, the trashyness of them that Suguru likes to point out whenever he's reading them  ––  he still sees the devilish grin on his face when he had walked in and seen him sprawled out on the bed, book in hand.  He'd been in the middle of a delicious scene when the paperback had been snatched out of his hand, and that had led to him nearly tackling the vampire to try and obtain it once more.  Suguru was faster though with his enhanced speed, that ease in which he could dodge, and it had left them rolling on the floor for a good ten minutes until he had yielded reluctantly, huffing with a pout that settled against his lips. 
        Satoru never thought something like bonding would feel like this though; like every ounce of himself belongs to himself and not himself all at once  ––  like he is in a bubble of bliss that he never wants broken.  He is half drunk on the feeling of being well fed, the soft tang of blood still resting on his tongue, but every time Suguru calms, he calms.  Every time Suguru grows anxious, he does.  It's a strange melding of the minds and emotions that he hadn't thought was ever actually true, and now that it's presented in front of him, he's not entirely sure what to do with it.  Is he allowed to enjoy it as much as he does?  Is it a bad thing that sometimes it makes him nervous, like he is exposed fully in front of someone that should be his enemy?  But that's the thing  ––  Satoru is now the enemy as well.  it's no longer just Suguru being a vampire  ––  he is his sireling and has much to learn; no amount of trashy smut novels could prepare him for the intensity that settles into his very bones, the ache that settles at his pulse at being Suguru's.
         Fingers gingerly grip at his hair and he lets out a hum, letting the feeling of lips pressing against his skin ease the fears that have been eating at him.  This is a partnership.  He was a fool to think that Suguru wouldn't at least hear him out.  They might not be able to make an actual difference when it comes to binding the two worlds together, but they can at least try.  More than that, they can trust one another to be there, to rely on the tribulations that are going to come with errors as they navigate it.  For now though, he focuses on the gentle bliss that sinks into his skin, the way that his body feels like it hums and comes to life for one person and one person only.  It makes an ache form in his chest.
       "We have time to figure it out.  And I'm right here, being that voice of reason, no matter how strange that might be right now."  Suguru has always been his voice of reason  ––  now the tables have turned.  Now he has to keep a warhorse steady when all he wants to do is protect the ones he loves.  He understands that need for bloodshed, for the world to fall at their feet.  They can do it together though, when they're steady  ––  because Suguru is right.  They've always been the most powerful when they're together.  He lets out a gentle scoff and pushes him gently, reaching down so that he can nip at his pulse point, his fangs barely pulling blood to the surface.  "I'm already bored of you.  You talk too much about war strategies and battles and boring shit.  Stop being boring."  There's a soft, teasing tone to his voice as he pushes him backward, hovering over him as he ruffles his hair.  "You're making Nanami look interesting, love."
"You think so?" Suguru hums in response, letting his eyes fall shut as Satoru fidgets with his hair. Would it make that much of a difference for his former allies to see him like this, not dead but very much alive and leading? It's hard for him, sometimes, to gauge his impact on those around him. Here, within the cult, he knows his place, knows how many people look to him for guidance, for salvation - but things are less clear when he thinks back to his days at the academy. He played the role of friend, classmate, wise upperclassman - but how much did he really matter to the people that came to knew him? Would they actually listen to what he had to say? It's hard to say, when he wasn't around to see the impact of his supposed death - Satoru would know better than him. Maybe he's right - maybe he could change their minds.
He can feel the tension in his shoulders as his mind works the issue over, trying to balance the pros and cons, risks and rewards of trying to barter some kind of treaty - the stakes have never been higher for him. If he makes a wrong move, he could lose everything - the promise of safety for vampires, the followers he swore to protect, his family, even Satoru, who he was now bonded to for eternity. He has to do this right. It's the only option. There's no room for failure or mistakes...
The tension leaves him with a long sigh as Satoru presses a kiss against his temple, rigid muscles relaxing as he's brought back to the present moment. There's still a lot of time before Suguru's planned confrontation with the academy - plenty of time to prepare. He doesn't need to get it all done now. For now, he could let the words of his lover soothe him, the blood-bond humming in his veins, comforted by his presence, the fact that he's in his arms and safe and speaking so sweetly to him. "I know, I know... We'll be alright. I won't allow anything to happen to you." He murmurs, hands slipping up his shirt to trace his skin, mapping his spine and muscles by touch with a hushed reverence. Satoru is his sireling now, his to protect, and it gives a new spark of ferocity to his protectiveness over him. They're supposed to spend eternity together. It's idealistic, but so is everything Suguru strives to accomplish - he won't fall short here, either. He leans in to bury his face in his shoulder, pressing small kisses against his skin - I love you, I love you, I love you.
"I'm so glad you're here... You keep me steady, you know. You make sure I don't lose myself..." The rest of his family kept him grounded too, of course, but it's different with Satoru - he was the only person here who knew the human Suguru had once been, the one with the deepest understanding of who he was behind the savior he presented himself. He might lose that part of him entirely if he didn't have Satoru here to anchor him, to remind him that he was once a hunter on the other side of this war. "We've always been at our strongest when we're together, yeah? We're going to win. We're going to change the world. And then, we'll get to spend the rest of our long, longgggg lives together... So I hope you don't get sick of me anytime soon, heh."
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c1trvswurld · 11 months ago
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look, im a die hard top 50 yeehan shipper as of currently, But I very much doubt they'd be in a traditional, longterm, completely monogamous relationship.
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francesderwent · 11 months ago
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Taylor Swift really wrote an album with the thesis “a man who tells you he loves you and lives together with you in a committed relationship for six years but never ever proposes is essentially the same as a man who tells you he loves you to get you into bed and then ghosts you a couple weeks later”
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leisurelylazy · 7 months ago
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There's this random instagram comment from a year ago i had saved(on a post talking abt how they cant tell if their feelings are romantic or platonic sometimes) and anyway the jayvik relationship discourse has me thinking about it a lot
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puhpandas · 6 months ago
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finished the Henry danger movie and it had its moments mostly with Henry and jasper but the end of the movie was very unsatisfying and I know Henry has never been the most perfect friend but he just felt so ooc and assholeish in this movie and it never really gets resolved. the silliness was completely gone almost and jasper's personality was sanitized except for his obsession/loyalty to henry, which henry didnt even get to react to or acknowledge that much in a way he would have done in the OS because he was too busy mewing and standing there looking attractive. I think this ending for Henry danger as a whole is unsatisfying with Henry saying "I lost my whole childhood to being kid danger, I dont want to be captain man" and then leaving swellview to just become. captain man 2 but not. hes still a superhero he just didnt take over for swellview. I thought that the arc between jasper and Henry was going to end with Henry realizing how much he needs jasper and how theyve been friends for years and years and hes been a shitty one and that jasper deserves to be treated better by him but instead it just had Henry give jasper the torch to protect dystopia when jasper never wanted to be the big hero he just wanted to be equals with henry. and then its treated as a satisfying ending for jasper and Henry to separate for them both to be superheroes
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relaxxattack · 2 years ago
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every time someone calls moirallegience just an alien qpr i wilt a lil like YEAH thats more or less the CLOSEST human thing but its also Literally Not That. like a qpr is fundanmentally not romantic and thats not even going into moirails whole Actual Purpose of calming ppl down. its just. aughhhhh pisses me off i see the confusion but, as aformentioned, aughhhhh
OH MY GOD THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME TOO.... but i don't want to get petty at the people in my notes always saying "moirails are QPRs!" because in some ways that is the closest human thing so it's hard to be mad...
i think there's definitely some overlap in some ways. but NOT because moirallegiance and qprs are the same at all really, but INSTEAD because both relationships can be outside of popular human norms.
you know... like any relationship.
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like the only reason the two really have overlap is because they are both committed emotional partnerships that aren't required to involve sex? that should be true for all romance, even if it's not the norm right now.
they're both just romances* that are unconventional to human norms, which makes people view them as the same thing when they're not.
i think the REAL issue here is that humans insist on using human words to understand things that are just, fundamentally, alien. can't we just appreciate alien romance for being... alien romance?
no, moirallegiance is not platonic, it's romantic. it's just romantic in a way you don't understand, is all. that doesn't invalidate that romance.
*in generalization, most QPRs are not romantic, because they are made up of aroaces who are life partners in a non-romantic way. however i want to disagree with you that none of them are romantic, because that is up to the partners in question.
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laciefuyu · 1 month ago
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you know, if you think about it, zr 4th anniv card is actually both closer to an arc and also opener for new arc (musing in the tag)
help i hit the tag limit but yeah man, i have so much thought in general and tried to be as non spoilery as possible LOL
#tears of themis#tot#artem wing#zuo ran#musing more because i actually wanted to write essay about this arc they closed but realizing i need the 4th anniv card if i want#to do that#but honestly this arc actually something like i was waiting for since like..... belle nuit d'amour#yet this damn game let me down so bad durid third year beside belle nuit d'amour bakerlon and enduring light#anyway the arc is actually pretty obvious if you think about it and it's about zuo ran and what it means for him to walk in the same path o#career with his parents#what it means to be their child well belle nuit d'amour as you can see how much he has to be careful because this special circumstances#and in per aspera ad astra (god bless that card) how much he understand that perceptions of being their child can be used against him#and further enforced in 4th birthday card and actually Worse™ for him because he also end up almost being used as weapon to harm his father#in a way#and not only that in main story he was chasing after nie qiu trails while also the fact#jian yu using him as bargaining talk with nie qiu#if you really think about it he has been walking in the path where his parents (yes this include nie qiu) walked and fascinatingly#zuo linchuan and nie qiu has say “you have chosen different path” and “dont chase after me anymore”#so yeah you can say that 4th anniv card is closer of this arc while also strengthen artemrosa as partner (life and work)#and discussion of different path they take from an hua and zuo linchuan (as partner at work and life) and in a way this is also zuo ran#belated rebellion i guess#what does i mean well wait for the 4th anniv card ahssjj#but also yes opener of an arc#previously on what it means for zuo ran to be a child of his parents#next one will be#what it means for rosa to be zuo ran's partner#and this like.... in many way#exploration of it with him being senior attorney and well respected and how it affect people view on her as his partner but also how#she watch him upholding what is right and price he has to pay for it. truly year 5th artemrosa is catered to me so much sjsks#artemrosa partnership explorations and zr virtue.... his virtue that give both love and heartache. i love it so much
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autisticlee · 1 year ago
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i'm aroace, sex repulsed and don't get traditional romance or find the need for it, but I still often think how it would be neat to have a gf/partner for other purposes that arent romance and sexual. but it seems impossible to make someone want to date you if you take out those things????
sometimes I think it would be nice to have a gf to do cute gay cosplay photoshoots with. there would be mouth smooching and you usually can't do that with a friend and I don't really want to either, so a gf would be useful for that.
then there's hating showers because they exhaust me and it would be nice to have a gf to wash my hair and stuff for me??? can't call up a friend to do this every time I need to shower. that won't work and I doubt they'd want to/be comfortable doing that.
most friends will end up putting all their priority into their partner and/or family they create. I want someone that will make me their priority and not run off with someone else they start dating and abandon me??? something like that. their priority is cleaning our home together, hanging out together, going shopping and other domestic/partner stuff. they don't do that with someone else or use me temporarily until they can find a partner. so it's essentially dating/being partners. but it looks different from your typical expected romance and partnership.
doesn't matter how aroace I am, I have accepted that a relationship is beneficial in many ways and there's certain things that you can't expect friends to cover and they can't fill. but I have zero interest in looking for a partner in traditional ways that requires small talk/flirting/dates/etc. so that makes me realize i'll most likely not trick someone into partnering with me lmao
the internet seems to call this kind of thing "queer platonic relationship" (did I remember it right?) and you just need to find another sroace person to do it with. but either way, there's no textbook to study for how to get that and where to find these people. it seems harder than the puzzle that is regular dating tbh.
there's that saying "there's other fish in the sea" but i'm a worm in a puddle the other worms got out before they drowned. there's no fish here lmao. my options are so limited that I haven't met a single option yet in my life. there's barely any chance the first aroace person I meet irl will be compatible, or the first compatible person will accept a relationship with an aroace. you know what I mean? any other aroace that's interested in some kind of relationship/partnership and feel like you don't get that whole sea to choose from like everyone else and only have a dried up puddle? 😅
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leatherbookmark · 20 days ago
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it's funny how the majority of kpop stans think the standard procedure for a company realizing an employee/idol has done something "wrong" (definition of wrong ranging from "done something that pissed the fans off" to "seriously harmed another person") should be to make an announcement saying "yeah this guy is a piece of shit so we took them behind the shed and shot them" roughly five seconds after the news websites report about the wrong thing having been done
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just-honey-dewd · 4 months ago
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Honestly, was thinking it a lil strange that in the end Yingdu was the same timeline we’re following current Link Click’s story. It’s just too vague rn to understand how LG’s feeling— how many times and in what specific ways does CXS’s death node manifest? Is it always Vein? Is the xetroverthink actually telling us how many times and in what ways CXS’s died?
However, I don’t think we needed to see a failed dive play out to prove that LG’s been through it multiple times? I think the S1 flashbacks and that one nightmare where he thought he was back in the “present” communicated enough to me that this isn’t his second dive at the very least. LG remembers a different first meeting with CXS, and met him in high school (according to Director Li in an interview). In Yingdu arc, LG has taken a photo in a basketball court where CXS was… and they’re freshmen in uni. This sugggested that in a previous dive, LG has made an unprecedented choice to delay their meeting — or at least changed the circumstances of their meeting, and made a checkpoint to this version.
There’s enough instances of LG being unfazed by things to suggest he’s done a full dive to the past before, but he also gets caught offguard enough to suggest that he doesn’t have every incident alphabetised and organised in his journal. I think LG’s memory and information absorption is kind of inhuman, so that journal isn’t unsettling me— he was able to take notes from CXS!EMMA scanning through the info on her boss’s computer, so he’s really just built different.
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I don’t think he’d choose to possess CXS, not only because I think that’s intrusive of him, but it also sacrifices CXS’s autonomy. As hypocritical as LG can be with his dive rules, I think he genuinely believes in not directly involving innocents in dangerous situations for personal objectives.
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We also have to acknowledge that if he did possess CXS— within 12 hours he would be stuck in his body, which could be a form of killing CXS and also trapping himself as CXS indefinitely. It’s not occam’s razor if he has to pretend to be someone else on top of trying to save the person he is possessing. (Theoretically he’d have to find a picture that he, as LG, had taken if he wants to return to his own body. Which sounds too complicated to think abt ^^)
Also, on top of that, he probably couldn’t act as CXS realistically. If he possessed CXS, and chose to dive back to s1 era— he’d have himself to deal with. And LG probably would have to subject himself to some form of ego death and crisis from being in a foreign body for long term.
It’s going to overcomplicate things if the CXS that LG is trying to save was actually sometimes a LG from the future that’s directly affecting the timeline. That’s unnecessary uncertainty that will throw things into disorder if he had to account for the possibility that his future self would ever possess anyone but himself.
It’s also just reckless to have two selfish time travellers operating with the same goal in mind in one timeline. Two LGs but one’s possessing CXS sounds like a funny premise, but I think LG’s methods operate with a standard of not imposing his will onto others to avoid influencing people’s choices in ways that wouldn’t happen in “previous dives”. He can’t control people’s actions, but he can control his reaction to things — that’s appears to be his base principles, so that extends to how he’d approach diving to save CXS.
He wouldn’t possess anyone else because symbollically he’s stuck in his own head. Unlike CXS, who extends his empathy generously to people— LG is fiercely independent and isolates himself, only capable of perceiving his influence over others, and sometimes being controlling to the point of not accounting for others’ input.
So I think LG would never even entertain the thought of possessing anyone other than himself.
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Mmm, I still think he’s only ever possessed himself, possessing CXS introduces more unknown variables than it solves. Though I haven’t come up with a concrete idea of what defines the timeline we’re following as LG’s “last chance” so (shrugs)
not sure if this has been said before or if this theory has any teeth, but ever since the Yingdu finale it's always bothered me that THAT'S apparently the timeline we're currently in? i expected to see at least one failed dive to prove that Lu Guang has re-lived the timeline multiple times. 1. bc it makes him more tragic, and that's just wish fulfillment for me, but more importantly 2. this line at the end of the finale
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saying that this is the LAST chance Lu Guang has to save him (implying more chances were had and they were fucked)
and there IS the implication that Lu Guang has done dives outside of what we see because
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this is an insane little diary to have of some of the EXACT TIMES that certain things happen. like, if you asked me to make exact timestamps for something that happened to me a WEEK ago I probably couldn't do it. maybe Lu Guang is just built different, but this to me implies that other dives have happened
but the thing i'm proposing today is: could Lu Guang have been implying that he has done many dives to save Cheng Xiaoshi, but maybe possessing Cheng Xiaoshi HIMSELF?
we've always just kind of assumed that Lu Guang was diving back into his own body and re-living as himself (and in Yingdu, specifically, he does) but if he received CXS's power from him, does that not give him the power to possess ANYBODY who's taken a photo? and why NOT choose Cheng Xiaoshi, the professional photographer and active social media user. he would have a ton of options to choose from right in the studio.
and if YOU received the power to possess people in the past and YOUR best friend had just been killed, wouldn't occam's razor suggest that the easiest solution to prevent them from being killed is to possess THEM and remove them from harm's way?
maybe that's what Lu Guang had been talking about. maybe, using photos Cheng Xiaoshi had taken, he had possessed him as many times as he was able to to try and prevent him from being killed by Vein. fought Vein, hidden Cheng Xiaoshi, run away, etc etc, but somehow Cheng Xiaoshi always ended up dead as a result
finally, as an act of desperation, the LAST idea that Lu Guang had, was not to possess Cheng Xiaoshi, but to go far back in time and possess himself. to set up everything exactly how he wanted, to control the system far enough in the past that the murder of Cheng Xiaoshi isn't even a whisper of a thought in Vein's mind. if he possessed himself and STAYED in the past, he could control everything from the very start
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mssalo · 7 months ago
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ma'am
Joel Miller’s spent a lifetime in control, but under your confident lead, he’s discovered just how good it feels to let go. As your right-hand man in Jackson, he’s desperate to please, finding himself worshiping you in ways he’s never dared before—and loving every filthy second of it.
Warnings: MDNI, 18+, sub!Joel, dom!f!reader, oral (male and female receiving), nipple play (SUCKING JOEL’S NIPPLES like he deserves), premature ejaculation, dirty talk, praise kink, begging, desperation kink, Joel whimpering, explicit sexual content, mutual devotion, protective partnership, reader is emotionally supportive but firm, Joel finds comfort in being cared for (he’s babygirl) and Joel being so far gone it’s frankly adorable.
11k. enjoy.
part two: after hours
· · ───────────𖥸──────────· ··
Joel Miller had always been the guy people turned to when things needed fixing—whether it was a busted fence, a tough decision, or clearing out a horde of infected, he was the dependable one. The solid one. The man who got things done without flinching.
But with you, it was different.
You weren’t like anyone else in Jackson. You’d arrived last winter, stepping into the town’s bustling life like you’d always belonged, and somehow, you’d made it your own. 
People respected you—trusted you—not because you demanded it, but because you commanded it. You were sharp, resourceful, and unshakably confident. 
Joel couldn’t decide if you reminded him of a soldier or a queen, but either way, it made his chest tighten every time you spoke.
It started innocently enough.
“Joel, we need these supplies moved to the north gate before sundown,” you said one day, standing by the depot, that calm, no-nonsense tone that made Joel’s stomach flip.
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied without thinking, the words slipping out as easily as breathing.
You’d looked up, a flicker of amusement in your eyes. “Didn’t peg you for the ‘yes ma’am’ type,” you teased lightly, your lips curving into that small, knowing smile.
Joel had flushed, shifting on his feet like a boy caught stealing. “Guess it’s just… habit.”
You didn’t push, just nodded and turned back, but Joel couldn’t get the moment out of his head.
Something about the way you spoke to him—firm but never condescending, confident but never overbearing—lit something inside him he hadn’t felt in years. 
Respect, maybe. Or something deeper, darker, and far more dangerous.
The more months you worked together, the worse it got for him.
“Joel, grab the shotgun and cover me,” you ordered one day, crouched behind a rusted-out truck as infected skittered through the woods ahead. Your voice was steady, even in the heat of the moment, and Joel’s chest swelled as he followed your lead without question.
Another time, while patrolling the perimeter, you had said, “Check the west side at dusk. Let me know if anything’s out of place.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Joel had answered automatically, his voice softer, almost reverent.
You didn’t always notice how easily he fell into step with you, how much he craved the way you trusted him to follow through. 
But Joel noticed. Every damn time. 
And it wasn’t just respect—though that was there too—it was something raw and magnetic. Something that made his chest tighten and his cock stir in ways that left him fumbling for composure.
It wasn’t just the way you spoke. It was the way you carried yourself. The way you moved through the world with confidence that was effortless, never forced. 
You weren’t trying to prove anything to anyone—you just were. You called the shots when they needed calling, and people listened, not because they had to, but because they wanted to.
Joel wanted to. And more than that, he liked it.
One night, it all came to a head.
Jackson was quiet, the streets bathed in the soft glow of lanterns strung between buildings. Joel was walking back from the stables when he spotted you on the porch of the town hall, a map spread across the railing in front of you. 
The way the light hit your face, catching on your jawline and softening your features, made his chest ache.
“Joel,” you called, your voice slicing through the stillness like a blade.
He froze for half a second before making his way over, his boots crunching softly on the gravel. 
His pulse quickened as he got closer, his eyes darting over you—your loose hair falling over one shoulder, the curve of your wrist as you held the edge of the map, the faint furrow in your brow that he desperately wanted to smooth away.
“Everything alright?” he asked, his voice rougher than he intended.
You glanced up, your eyes meeting his. “Come take a look at this,” you said, motioning him closer.
Joel stepped up beside you, his shoulder brushing yours as he looked at the map.
The faint scent of soap and leather lingered on you, and Joel had to force himself to focus on what you were pointing at—a marked spot near the riverbank.
“Been seeing signs of movement out here the past couple nights,” you explained. “Could be nothing, but I want to clear it tomorrow. Need someone to back me up. You in?”
“Always,” Joel said immediately, his voice quieter than he intended but no less firm. His fingers brushed yours as he took the map, and he swore he felt a spark.
You smiled then—just a small curve of your lips—but it sent heat rushing through Joel’s chest. “Good. Be ready at dawn.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Joel murmured before he could stop himself.
Your brows lifted slightly, amusement flickering in your expression. “You don’t have to keep calling me that, you know.”
Joel rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks warming. “Can’t help it,” he muttered, his gaze sliding to the ground. “Suits you.”
Your smile widened just enough to make his heart stumble. “If you say so.”
With that, you folded the map, tucked it under your arm, and disappeared into the town hall, leaving Joel standing there like a damn fool, his chest tight and his jeans uncomfortably snug. 
He swore under his breath, adjusting his stance in a futile attempt to ease the ache building low in his belly.
It wasn’t fair. 
The way you got under his skin without even trying. The way you made him feel… lighter and heavier all at once. 
Joel had spent his whole life being the one people leaned on, the one who carried the weight, and for once, he didn’t mind letting someone else take the reins. 
Hell, he wanted to. 
He wanted to follow you, to listen to you, to give you every ounce of control you asked for.
Joel stayed rooted to the spot, staring at the closed door of the town hall long after you’d gone inside. 
His pulse pounded in his ears, the ache in his jeans growing unbearable as his mind replayed the last few moments—the way your voice curled around his name, the subtle command in your tone when you told him to be ready, the approving smile that lingered on your lips when he’d answered.
It was ridiculous, he thought bitterly, rubbing the back of his neck. He was a grown man, for Christ’s sake, and yet here he was, rock-hard in the middle of Jackson like some lovesick idiot. 
His cock throbbed against the tight denim of his jeans, a constant, humiliating reminder of how badly he wanted you—how badly he needed you.
Joel swallowed hard, adjusting himself as subtly as he could manage, though the motion sent a shiver of frustration through him. 
This was nothing new. 
Every time he was around you, it was like his body betrayed him, reacting to the sound of your voice, the sway of your hips, the smallest flick of your wrist as you gestured for him to follow.
He couldn’t stop thinking about it—about you.
The way you carried yourself, confident and composed, made his chest tighten in ways that were equal parts admiration and raw, aching need.
You were everything Joel wasn’t. Steady. Collected. In control. And fuck if he didn’t crave that about you.
More than anything, he craved the way you made him feel. Like he could just… let go.
The thought sent a fresh jolt of arousal straight to his cock, and Joel bit back a groan, his hand clenching at his side. 
He’d spent years—decades—being the man people turned to, the one who handled the tough shit without complaint.
But with you? He didn’t want to be the guy in charge. 
He wanted to be the one following orders, wanted to be the one looking up at you, waiting for your approval. 
He wanted to make you proud. 
To hear you say his name the way you had earlier, with that faint hint of amusement, like you saw something in him that no one else ever had.
Goddamn it, he was pathetic.
Joel shook his head, muttering a low curse under his breath as he turned away from the town hall. 
The walk back to his house felt like a blur, his thoughts too tangled to focus on anything but you. 
Every step sent a dull throb through his cock, and by the time he reached his front door, his hands were trembling, his jaw tight with restraint.
Inside, Joel leaned heavily against the door, the cool wood pressing into his back as he exhaled shakily. His chest rose and fell in uneven waves, the pounding of his heart loud in the stillness of the house. 
The faint creak of the floorboards beneath his boots reminded him he wasn’t dreaming, though he almost wished he were—wished the memory of you wasn’t so vivid it set his whole body on fire.
His jacket slid from his shoulders and hung limply on the hook by the door, but the ritual did little to calm him. 
His hand lingered against the fabric, fingers gripping tightly for a moment as though holding on to it might anchor him. But there was no escape—not from the way you lingered in his thoughts, the way your voice echoed in his ears like a melody he couldn’t shake.
C’mere, Joel. I need you to check this.
C’mere, Joel….
The words played on repeat, the confidence in your tone, the subtle curve of authority behind every syllable. 
The way you’d glanced at him tonight, your eyes catching his for just a second longer than necessary—it was enough to drive him insane. 
Joel groaned softly, the sound rough and guttural as he pressed the heel of his palm against the stiff, aching bulge in his jeans.
“Jesus,” he muttered, shaking his head as if that might clear it. But it didn’t. It never did. He’d thought about you like this too many times to count. 
Late at night, alone in the dark, his fist slick and tight around his cock, imagining you leaning over him, your voice a breathy, commanding whisper.
“Good boy, Joel. Just like that.”
It was the praise that undid him every time, the approval he ached for, that soft edge of control in your voice that made his chest tighten and his hips buck into his hand. 
Joel’s teeth dug into his bottom lip as he pushed off the door, his steps hurried and uneven as he made his way toward the bedroom. 
His body was hot, his skin flushed as he kicked the door shut behind him and leaned against it, his breath coming fast and shallow.
He didn’t bother with the lights. There was no point when the image of you burned so brightly in his mind.
His hands fumbled with his belt, the leather sliding free with a sharp hiss before he shoved his jeans down his thighs, kicking them aside. 
His cock sprang free, thick and heavy, the tip already glistening with pre-cum.
Joel wrapped his calloused fingers around himself, his rough palm dragging slowly along the length as his head tipped back against the door. 
A soft, broken groan escaped his lips, and he tightened his grip, savoring the sharp sensation.
“Yes,” Joel whispered hoarsely, his hips jerking into his hand as the thought took hold.
The image was so vivid it made his knees weak.
“On your knees, Joel. Let me see how much you want it.”
He imagined you standing over him, your hands on your hips, your lips curved into that wicked, knowing smile.
You’d look down at him like you owned him, and Joel would crumble beneath that gaze, his body desperate to obey.
His hand moved faster, his strokes rougher as his chest heaved. “Fuck,” he muttered, his voice thick and broken. “I’d do it. Anything you want, darlin’. Just… just fuckin’ tell me.”
And then, there was the fantasy he couldn’t shake. You’d guide him down—your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling just hard enough to make him hiss as you tilted his face up toward yours.
“You want to make me feel good, baby? Show me.” You’d press his face between your thighs, your warmth surrounding him, and Joel would lose himself.
He could almost feel it—the softness of your skin, the slick heat of your cunt against his lips. His tongue would trace slow, deliberate circles around your clit, savoring the way your body trembled beneath his mouth. 
You’d moan his name, your voice breathy and broken, and it would be the only thing he cared about.
Joel groaned loudly, his hips jerking off the door as his hand tightened, the slick sound filling the room. “Please,” he rasped, his voice shaking. “Please, darlin’. Let me be good for you. Let me—”
He imagined you grinding against his face, your thighs clenching around his head as you guided him, demanding more. “That’s it, Joel. Just like that. Don’t stop until I come, baby.”
The thought of your approval, of hearing you call him a good boy as he worked tirelessly to please you, made his cock throb painfully in his hand. “I’d do it,” he muttered hoarsely. “I’d fuckin’ worship you, darlin’. Just say the word.”
The tension snapped, his body locking up as his release hit. Hot, thick spurts spilled over his hand, his voice breaking into a low, guttural groan as his hips jerked helplessly. 
Your name fell from his lips, raw and reverent, as the pleasure coursed through him, leaving him trembling and spent.
For a long moment, Joel stood there, his chest heaving, his hand still wrapped loosely around his softening cock. 
The air was thick with the scent of his arousal, the evidence of his need dripping onto the floor, and yet all he could think about was you. Your voice, your smile, the way you made him feel like he could let go of everything and just… be.
Joel swallowed hard, his jaw tightening as he finally pushed off the door and reached for a towel. 
He cleaned himself up quickly, his thoughts still tangled, his body still thrumming with the remnants of his release. But even as the tension faded, the ache lingered—the desperate, aching need for you.
For your voice. For your touch. For your approval.
And Joel knew he’d never stop wanting it. Never stop wanting you.
Because this wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Not until he had you.
Not until he could hear you say his name the way he’d always dreamed, soft and breathless, your hands gripping his shoulders as you told him exactly what to do.
· · ───
The sun was barely cresting the horizon as you and Joel set out toward the riverbank, the chilly morning air biting at your cheeks. Joel kept a steady pace beside you, his rifle slung across his shoulder, his eyes scanning the dense treeline with practiced precision.
Despite the tension that always came with patrols, there was a comfort in your presence—a grounding force that he couldn’t quite put into words.
The faint scent of soap and leather lingered on you, familiar and steady, and Joel found himself stealing glances at you more than he should.
You walked with such assuredness, each step purposeful, and the soft sway of your hips had him swallowing harder than necessary.
He tried to focus, but your commanding presence made it impossible not to feel both overwhelmed and grounded.
“See this?” you murmured, crouching near a patch of disturbed dirt. Your voice was low, clipped, yet patient as you gestured for him to come closer. “Looks like someone’s been through here recently. More than one.”
Joel crouched beside you, his shoulder brushing yours as he examined the ground.
The way your hair caught the morning light, the subtle curve of your neck—it was too much. His chest tightened as he forced his gaze to the dirt and away from the way your lips parted slightly in concentration.
“Yeah,” he muttered, his voice rougher than intended. “Could be raiders.”
“Could be,” you agreed, straightening and adjusting the strap of your pack. “Let’s keep moving. Stay sharp.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Joel said before he could stop himself, the words slipping out instinctively.
You glanced at him, one brow arching, the barest hint of a smirk tugging at your lips.
You turned without a word, leading the way through the uneven terrain. Joel followed close behind, his pulse quickening with every step. 
You always had this effect on him, like you were a magnet and he couldn’t help but be pulled in.
The ambush came fast. 
Raiders poured from the treeline, their weapons raised, shouts breaking the morning quiet. 
Joel moved on instinct, diving behind a fallen log and returning fire, but it was you who commanded the chaos with sharp, decisive orders.
“Joel! Left flank! Cover me!”
He obeyed without question, his rifle steady as he took down one of the raiders attempting to circle around. 
Even in the heat of the moment, his eyes kept darting to you—how you moved like a ghost through the underbrush, your aim deadly, your composure unshaken.
But when one of them charged at your blind spot, Joel didn’t think. He moved.
The gunshot echoed like thunder as he dropped the man with a single shot. 
You spun to face him, your eyes wide—not with fear but with something else. Relief? Gratitude? Whatever it was, it made his chest swell.
“Thanks,” you said, your tone steady despite the chaos. “But I told you—stay back.”
Joel gritted his teeth but nodded, ducking back behind cover as you finished off the last of the raiders. 
When the dust settled, you stood amidst the wreckage, your rifle slung over your shoulder, your expression calm but sharp. 
You scanned the area one last time before nodding.
“We’re clear,” you said, turning toward him. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Joel replied, though his arm burned where a bullet had grazed him. 
He shifted, trying to hide the blood seeping through his sleeve.
Your eyes narrowed. “You’re hit.”
“It’s nothin’,” he muttered, brushing it off.
“It’s not nothing,” you snapped, stepping closer. Your hand grabbed his arm, firm but not harsh. “We’re done here. You’re going back to Jackson. Now.”
Joel stiffened, his jaw tightening. “I can keep goin’. I’m fine.”
You tilted your head, the corners of your lips pulling into a wry, almost dangerous smile. 
“Joel,” you said, your voice low but laced with authority that sent a shiver down his spine. “Do I look like I’m asking?”
Joel swallowed hard, his pulse hammering in his ears. “No, ma’am,” he muttered, his voice quieter this time, almost reverent.
“Good.” Your fingers lingered on his arm for just a second longer than necessary, the heat of your touch branding him, before you turned toward the horses. “Let’s move.”
At the clinic, Joel sat on the cot, his shirt discarded, the gash on his arm raw and angry. He winced as the doctor worked, stitching the wound with quick precision. 
But his eyes weren’t on the needle or the thread—they were on you, leaning against the doorway with your arms crossed, your expression unreadable.
“You’ll need to rest for at least a couple days,” the doctor said, tying off the final stitch. “No patrols, no heavy lifting.”
Joel opened his mouth to argue, but your sharp glance silenced him immediately.
“Got it,” you said curtly, nodding at the doctor. “Thank you.”
When the doctor left, you turned to Joel, your arms dropping to your sides as you stepped closer. “Let’s get you home.”
Back at his house, you guided him inside, your hand on his arm, your touch firm and steady. 
Joel sank onto the couch with a groan, his body heavier than he wanted to admit. You moved with purpose, disappearing into the kitchen before reappearing with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
“You don’t have to—” he started, but you cut him off with a look that had him snapping his mouth shut.
“Let me,” you said, your tone leaving no room for argument.
You knelt beside him, pressing the cloth gently to his arm. Joel swallowed hard, his breath catching at the sight of you so close, your fingers brushing against his skin.
The faint scent of you—clean and sharp, with a hint of something sweet—filled his senses, and he had to clench his fists to keep from reaching out.
When you finished, you sat back on your heels, your eyes meeting his. “Joel,” you said softly, “why do you push yourself so hard?”
Joel looked away, his jaw tightening. “Don’t wanna feel useless,” he muttered. “Don’t wanna… be a burden.”
“You’re not a burden,” you said firmly, leaning closer, your voice carrying a weight that made Joel’s chest ache. “You’re the furthest thing from it.”
Joel’s eyes flicked to yours, his breath catching at the intensity in your gaze. “I just…” He hesitated, his voice breaking. “I just wanna be good for you. Wanna make you proud.”
You tilted your head, a slow, knowing smile curving your lips.
“You already are, Joel,” you murmured, reaching out to cup his face. Your thumb brushed over his cheekbone, and Joel leaned into your touch like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
Joel’s breath was uneven, his good hand curling into a fist on his thigh as he struggled to find the words.
You sat beside him on the couch, quiet and steady, your eyes on his face, your expression calm yet unreadable. It only made him more frantic.
“I—I can’t stop thinkin’ about you,” Joel stammered, his voice rough and breaking. 
He rubbed a hand over his face, his palm trembling slightly as if he was trying to physically hold himself together.
“I need… I need you close. I don’t know what the hell I’m doin’, but I—I can’t keep this to myself anymore.”
Your lips parted slightly, but you didn’t speak. You just nodded slowly, your gaze unwavering, and it made him feel both exposed and comforted all at once. The tension in his chest was unbearable.
“I—dammit,” he muttered, his voice thick, his gaze darting everywhere but your face.
“I’m tryin’ to say it right, but I don’t—I can’t—I need you, alright? I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. About how you—how you’re always so damn steady, and you—”
He sucked in a shaky breath, his eyes finally locking on yours. They were glassy now, his vulnerability laid bare. “You make it easier, y’know? Just bein’ around you… I feel like I can breathe. Like maybe I ain’t so—so broken after all. And I… I need that. I need you.”
You tilted your head slightly, your lips curving into the faintest smile. It wasn’t teasing, wasn’t pitying. It was understanding, warm, and Joel swore it made his chest ache even more.
“Baby,” you murmured softly, the endearment sending a shiver down his spine. “You like me…romantically?”
Joel froze for a moment, his breath catching as your words settled over him. His lips parted, but all he could do was nod, the movement small and jerky, like he was afraid to admit it outright.
“Want to be good for me?” you asked, your voice a low, soothing hum.
Joel’s nod came faster this time, his breathing growing heavier as he leaned into you, desperate for something he couldn’t quite name.
You leaned in slowly, cupping his face with one hand, your thumb brushing over the rough stubble along his jaw. 
Joel’s eyes fluttered shut as you pressed your lips to his, soft and lingering, and the low, guttural sound he made against your mouth was filled with need. 
His hand reached out, gripping your waist as if anchoring himself to you, and his lips parted under yours, seeking more.
But just as he leaned into the kiss, you pulled back, your face still close enough that your breath mingled with his.
“Get better for me first, yeah?” you murmured, your thumb trailing along his jaw.
Joel’s eyes snapped open, his brows furrowing as he shook his head. “No, please,” he whispered, his voice rough and desperate. 
“Please, I can’t—I’ve been waitin’ for so long. Please don’t make me wait anymore.”
You shushed him softly, your fingers sliding through his hair, and Joel practically melted under your touch, his body trembling with the effort to hold himself back.
“You’ll wait,” you said firmly, though your tone was still warm. “Because you’re mine, and I’m not about to let you go. But first, I need you strong, Joel. Need you rested. Yeah?”
Joel let out a shaky breath, his forehead dropping to your shoulder as he nodded, though his grip on you didn’t loosen. “Alright,” he rasped, his voice barely audible. “Alright. But just… just promise me you’ll be safe.”
“Well…you know me, baby,” you whispered, your lips brushing against the crown of his head.
Joel’s breath hitched again, his arms wrapping around your waist, holding you close as if to prove to himself that you were real. And as the weight of the moment settled between you, he felt something he hadn’t in years—peace.
· · ───
Joel had never been good at resting, but being sidelined for days was pure torture.
His arm still kinda ached where the stitches pulled at the edges of the wound, but the pain was nothing compared to the gnawing anxiety that came from not seeing you. 
Three days felt like a lifetime, and every hour that passed without you made his chest feel tighter.
You’d been on patrol since the crack of dawn, and Joel had spent most of the day pacing around his house, every creak of the floorboards setting his nerves on edge. 
He hadn’t wanted to push his luck with the doctor or you, so he’d stayed home, but the absence of your presence was like a physical ache.
He’d heard the patrol schedule—you were checking the area near the riverbank, where the raiders had been sighted. 
The thought of you out there, alone or with someone who wasn’t him, made his stomach churn.
Joel knew you could handle yourself—he’d seen it firsthand—but the idea of you in danger without him there to back you up was unbearable.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon, Joel couldn’t take it anymore. 
His boots thudded against the wooden floors as he grabbed his jacket and rifle, the pain in his arm be damned.
If he didn’t see you soon, he was going to lose his mind.
The gates of Jackson were quiet, the air cool and crisp as Joel made his way toward the watchtower. A few guards gave him curious glances, but no one stopped him. He wasn’t exactly known for staying out of trouble, injured or not.
“Have you seen her?” Joel asked one of the guards at the gate, his voice gruff.
“Think she’s still out near the west ridge,” the man replied, tilting his hat back. “They were due back an hour ago, though.”
Joel’s jaw tightened. An hour ago. His grip on his rifle tightened as he set off toward the west ridge, his boots crunching against the gravel.
The relief was like a flood when he spotted you in the distance, your silhouette unmistakable against the fading light.
You were walking back toward the gates, your pack slung over your shoulder, your rifle in hand. Joel’s breath hitched at the sight of you, his steps quickening as he closed the distance between you.
“Where the hell have you been?” Joel barked, his voice harsher than he intended as he reached you.
You raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed by his tone. “Patrol. Where I said I’d be.”
“You were late,” Joel muttered, his gaze sweeping over you, searching for any sign of injury. “Anything happen out there?”
“Couple of runners,” you replied, brushing past him toward the gate. “Nothing bad.”
Joel followed you, his chest tight as he struggled to find the right words. “You could’ve sent word. Let someone know you were runnin’ behind.”
You turned to face him then, your eyes sharp. “Joel, I’m fine. I’m more worried about why you’re out here when you’re supposed to be resting.”
“I was worried about you,” Joel admitted, his voice quieter now, though no less intense. “Didn’t like not knowin’ if you were okay.”
Your expression softened, and you let out a quiet sigh. “Joel, I told you I’d be back.”
“And what if somethin’ had happened?” Joel pressed, his voice growing rough. “What if—” He stopped, his jaw clenching as he looked away.
You stepped closer, your hand resting gently on his arm. “Hey,” you said softly, your tone soothing. “I’m here. I’m okay. And you need to trust that I can take care of myself.”
Joel’s eyes flicked back to yours, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly at the steadiness in your gaze. “I know you can,” he muttered. “Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna worry.”
You smiled faintly, squeezing his arm. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Joel huffed a laugh, the sound low and rough. “Ain’t what I meant, but… yeah, take it how you want.”
“Come on,” you said, nudging him toward the gate. “Let’s get you home. You’re not supposed to be out here.”
Joel wanted to argue, but the warmth in your voice and the steady grip on his arm made it impossible.
He let you guide him back toward his house, the tension in his chest slowly unwinding with every step.
The walk back to Joel’s house was quiet at first, the two of you falling into an easy rhythm. But as you neared the porch, Joel’s tongue loosened, and the floodgates opened.
“What was it like out there today? Was it quiet before the runners? Were they close? You eat somethin’? Drink enough water?”
You chuckled softly, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. “Joel, I’m fine. I promise.”
“I know, I know,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, his steps faltering slightly as you led him inside. “Just… can’t stop thinkin’ about it. About you. Out there without me.”
His voice was rough, his words tumbling out so quickly he barely had time to filter them. “I mean, I know you’re capable—hell, more than capable—but I wasn’t there, and… I hate not bein’ there.”
You stopped just inside the doorway, turning to face him. Joel’s eyes darted over you, like he was trying to memorize every detail, his breathing uneven, his hands twitching at his sides as if he wanted to reach for you but didn’t quite dare.
“You’re rambling, Joel,” you said softly, your voice calm and steady as you reached up to cup his cheek.
Joel froze, his breath hitching at your touch, his wide eyes locking onto yours. “I just…” he began, his voice faltering. “I just—”
“Hush,” you murmured, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone. “I’m here. I’m fine. And I’m not going anywhere for another 4 days.”
Joel exhaled shakily, leaning into your touch like a man starved. “I know,” he rasped. “I know, but I can’t stop—”
You silenced him with a kiss, your lips soft and warm against his, and Joel melted beneath it, his whole body going taut before he relaxed into the moment. 
His hands found your hips, tentative at first, then firm, gripping you like he was afraid you might disappear.
When you pulled back, his lips chased yours for a heartbeat before he caught himself, his eyes fluttering open. He looked dazed, his chest heaving, his pupils blown wide as he stared at you.
You smiled softly, the sound of his uneven breathing filling the space between you.
Joel’s lips parted as if to speak, but before he could, you leaned in and kissed him again, slower this time. His groan was low and deep, the kind that seemed to come from the very center of him, vibrating through your chest.
His hands tightened on your hips, pulling you closer, his need unmistakable.
When your lips parted and your tongue brushed against his, Joel whimpered—a sound so desperate, so raw, it sent a rush of heat straight through you.
You couldn’t help but laugh softly into the kiss, and Joel’s grip faltered for a second, his lips pulling into a shaky smile against yours.
“Why’re you laughin’?” he asked, his voice rough, his forehead pressing against yours as he caught his breath.
“You’re eager,” you teased, your hands sliding to his shoulders, feeling the strength there. “It’s sweet.”
Joel groaned again, his cheeks flushing as his hands smoothed up your sides. “Can’t help it,” he admitted, his voice dropping lower. “You’re drivin’ me crazy, darlin’. Been thinkin’ about this for too long.”
His gaze dropped, and his eyes darkened as they settled on the curve of your breasts, visible through the gap in your blouse.
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, his hands twitching like he wanted to touch but didn’t dare without permission. “You’re perfect.”
You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head as you ran your fingers along his jaw. “Joel,” you said, your tone firmer now, and he immediately snapped his gaze back up to meet yours, his breath hitching. “What are you lookin’ at?”
His cheeks went even redder, but he didn’t look away.
Your lips quirked into a sly smile, and you reached up to unbutton the top of your blouse slowly, deliberately. Joel’s eyes tracked every movement, his throat working as he swallowed hard, his cock straining visibly against his jeans.
“You’ve healed up, huh?” you asked, your tone playful, and Joel nodded quickly, his hands shaking slightly.
“Barely feel it,” he murmured, his voice trembling with anticipation. “Please, darlin’. Please let me—”
You sighed dramatically, shaking your head as you pushed the blouse from your shoulders, revealing the smooth curve of your skin.
“Go ahead, Joel,” you said, your voice steady but laced with heat. “If you think you can handle it.”
Joel groaned, his hands finding your waist again, pulling you flush against him as his mouth crashed into yours.
His kisses were messy, desperate, his lips sliding against yours like he couldn’t get enough. His hands roamed your body, shaky but reverent, sliding up your ribs and hovering just below your chest.
“Eager little thing,” you murmured against his mouth, and Joel whimpered at the words, his hips pressing against yours as his arousal became undeniable.
“Can’t help it,” he breathed, his voice shaky and desperate. “Been wantin’ to get my mouth on you for so long. Wanna lick every inch of you. Fuck, those pretty nipples—been dyin’ to suck on ‘em, darlin’. Let me taste you, please.”
The way his voice cracked, the way he clung to you—it was enough to make your resolve waver. But you weren’t going to let him get off that easily. Not yet.
“Bed,” you whispered, pulling back just enough to guide him toward the bedroom. Joel followed without hesitation, his hands still on you, his body trembling with barely-contained need.
“Sit down, baby,” you murmured, your voice firm but teasing as you pushed him gently onto the mattress.
Joel sat immediately, lips wet and swollen from your kisses, his pupils blown wide as he stared up at you like you were a goddess he was desperate to worship.
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, his gaze flicking to your chest, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”
You stepped between his legs, running your hands up his thighs, feeling the way they trembled under your touch.
“Is this what you’ve been dreamin’ about, Joel?” you asked, your voice low and sultry as you leaned in close. “Me, standin’ over you like this, lettin’ you look your fill?”
Joel groaned, his head tipping back as his hips jerked involuntarily. “Yes,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Every night, darlin’. I—fuck—I think about you all the time. Can’t stop.”
You smirked, running your hands higher until your fingers brushed against the hard, throbbing bulge straining beneath his jeans. Joel’s breath hitched, his hips lifting slightly as if to chase your touch.
“Bet you’ve been strokin’ that cock to the thought of me, haven’t you?” you purred, your nails scraping lightly along his thighs.
“Thinking about my tits, my mouth, wonderin’ what it’d feel like to have me all over you?”
Joel let out a broken whimper, his hands gripping the edge of the mattress as he nodded. “Yes,” he rasped, his voice thick with desperation. “Fuck, yes. I think about you all the time—Drives me crazy.”
You laughed softly, Joel’s eyes focused, his chest heaving as he took in the sight of you, his gaze zeroing in on your breasts, the way your nipples pebbled in the cool air.
You reached up, cupping your breasts and squeezing them lightly, your thumbs brushing over your nipples. “Wanna taste them, baby? Wanna feel my tits in your mouth?”
Joel groaned loudly, his hands clenching into fists as his cock strained painfully against his jeans. “Please,” he begged, his voice breaking. “Please, let me—fuck, let me taste them."
You smirked, stepping closer and guiding his hands to your hips. “Go on then, baby,” you murmured, leaning in until your chest was level with his face. “Show me how much you want it.”
Joel didn’t need to be told twice. His hands slid up to your waist, pulling you closer as his mouth latched onto one of your nipples with a desperate groan. 
His lips were hot and eager, his tongue swirling over the sensitive bud before he sucked it into his mouth, his teeth grazing just enough to make you gasp.
“Fuck, that’s it,” you murmured, threading your fingers through his hair and tugging lightly. “Good boy, Joel. Just like that.”
Joel whimpered against your skin, his hands sliding up to cup your breasts, squeezing them gently as he switched to your other nipple. His tongue worked in slow, deliberate strokes, his lips tugging and sucking as if he couldn’t get enough.
“Finally” he muttered against your skin, his voice muffled but no less desperate.
You chuckled softly, grinding your hips against his lap, feeling the hard line of his cock pressing against your thigh. “You’re so needy,” you teased, your voice dripping with satisfaction. “Can’t even keep your hands to yourself, can you?”
Joel shook his head, his mouth still attached to your nipple as he let out a low, guttural moan. His hands slid down to your hips, gripping you tightly as he rocked against you, his cock throbbing beneath the rough denim of his jeans.
“Can’t help it,” he rasped, his voice hoarse. “You’re all I think about. All I want.”
You leaned down, brushing your lips against his ear. “Then be a good boy for me, Joel,” you whispered, your voice low and commanding. “Keep sucking.”
Joel groaned, his hands tightening on your hips as his lips moved back to your breast, sucking and licking with renewed fervor. His hips bucked against yours, his need spilling out in every touch, every sound.
“You like these, baby?” you murmured, cupping your breast and brushing your thumb over your wet, glistening nipples. “My sweet boy likes them, hm?”
Joel froze for a moment, his pupils dilating as the meaning of your words sank in. His hips bucked sharply, and he let out a strangled moan, his whole body trembling beneath you.
“Fuck, I-,” he groaned, his voice cracking as his head fell back against the headboard. “Shit, darlin’, I’m sorry—I can’t… I’m—fuck!”
You felt the unmistakable heat and dampness spreading as Joel’s hips jerked one last time, his moans spilling into the quiet room. His face flushed a deep red, his chest heaving as he realized what had just happened.
“Shit,” he muttered again, his voice thick with embarrassment as he covered his face with one hand. “I didn’t mean to… fuck, I’m so sorry. This is so stupid—”
“Joel,” you interrupted, your voice firm but soothing as you brushed his hand away from his face. “Look at me.”
He did, his eyes wide and vulnerable, his lips parted as he struggled to catch his breath. The sight of him—flushed, desperate, and utterly wrecked—only made you want him more.
“It’s okay,” you murmured, your lips curving into a wicked smile. “I’m flattered, baby. You just couldn’t help yourself, could you? Had to come in your pants for me.”
Joel let out a choked sound, his hips twitching involuntarily beneath you.
“I… fuck, darlin’, you make me crazy,” he admitted hoarsely. “Can’t stop thinkin’ about you. I need you. Please… let me make it up to you.”
Your smile widened, and you leaned down, brushing your lips against his ear. “Still wanna keep going, baby?” you whispered, your voice dripping with mock sympathy. “After you’ve already made such a mess?”
Joel nodded frantically, his hands gripping your hips like a lifeline. “Yes,” he rasped, his voice breaking. “I don’t think I ever wanna stop, ma’am. Please… let me taste you. I’ll be so good for you, I promise.”
You pulled back slightly, tilting your head as you studied him, your expression unreadable.
Then, slowly, you smiled, your fingers trailing down his chest. “Undress me,” you commanded, your voice soft but firm.
Joel flushed, his hands moving to your waist again. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of your pants, his eyes flicking up to meet yours for permission. 
You nodded, leaning back onto the bed as you let him guide the fabric down your legs, his touch careful but firm.
By the time your pants were off, you were sprawled out on the bed, your back resting against the pillows. 
Joel knelt between your legs, his chest heaving as he stared down at you, his eyes drinking in every detail like he was trying to commit it to memory.
"You're beautiful," he said again, his voice breaking slightly as his fingers slid along the waistband of your panties. 
Joel groaned low in his throat, his hands clumsy but desperate as he unbuttoned your pants and slid them down your legs.
He paused when he saw your panties, a visible wet spot already soaking through the fabric. His breath hitched, and he let out a shaky, “Fuck… look at that. So wet for me, darlin’. Goddamn.”
His hands trembled as he paused, glancing up at you for reassurance.
You smirked, one eyebrow arching as you propped yourself up on your elbows.
"Go on, baby," you murmured, your voice soft and encouraging. "You've got me all to yourself. Do what you've been dreaming about."
Joel’s hands hovered over your hips for a moment before he finally let them settle there, his thumbs brushing against the edge of your panties.
Joel settled between your legs like he was kneeling before an altar, his chest heaving and his fingers trembling as he slid along the waistband of your panties.
His eyes flicked up to yours, dark and wide with need, and you gave him the softest smile, threading your fingers into his hair as you gently tugged him closer.
“yeah, baby” you murmured, your voice dripping with encouragement.
His breath hitched, and he leaned down, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs.
He kissed you there, slow and reverent, his beard grazing your flesh and sending shivers through you. Each kiss was accompanied by a low, throaty groan, his lips moving steadily closer to the source of your heat.
“Jesus Christ,” he rasped, his voice breaking as he reached the edge of your panties. His nose pressed against the damp fabric, and he inhaled sharply, the sound guttural and desperate.
“Fuck, you smell so good, darlin’. Like heaven—sweet, wet heaven.”
His hands trembled as they gripped your thighs, holding you open as he buried his face against you, nuzzling and inhaling like he couldn’t get enough.
The rough fabric of his jeans rubbed against your calves, a sharp contrast to the warmth of his breath and the wet heat of his mouth against your panties.
“Been dreamin’ about this—about your sweet cunt for so fuckin’ long. Want it so bad, baby. Wanna taste you—wanna lick you, suck that pretty clit between my lips and drink you down till there’s nothin’ left.”
You moaned softly, your fingers threading through his hair and tugging gently, encouraging him.
“Yeah?” you whispered, your voice low and breathless. “You wanna eat me out, baby? Wanna show me how good that mouth of yours is? Then take them off.”
Joel knelt between your thighs, trembling as he slid your soaked panties down your legs.
He didn’t even try to hide the way his breath hitched when your cunt was fully exposed to him, glistening and perfect.
His chest rose and fell in quick, uneven breaths as he just stared for a moment, his lips parting like he wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words.
“You just gonna look, Joel?” you teased, your fingers slipping into his hair and tugging gently. “Or are you gonna be a good boy and show me what you can do?”
That broke him. His head dipped instantly, his breath ghosting hot over your slick folds as he whispered, “Yes… yes, ma’am.” His voice was low, reverent, almost a prayer.
The first touch of his tongue was hesitant but deliberate, a slow drag from your entrance to your clit, as if he wanted to savor you.
He groaned into you, the sound muffled but deep, and then he leaned in further, pressing his mouth to your cunt like he couldn’t get close enough.
“Good boy,” you murmured, your voice soft but thick with pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so eager for it. Just like that.”
Joel didn’t answer—couldn’t answer.
He was too focused, his hands gripping your thighs to hold you open as he worked his tongue through every inch of your folds.
His breath hitched as he tasted you, his lips sealing over your clit for a moment to suck softly before his tongue returned to explore your entrance.
“Oh, baby,” you breathed, your hips arching slightly into his mouth. “You’re so fucking good at that. Look at you, so hungry for me. You love this, don’t you? Love worshipping my pussy.”
His only response was a desperate, muffled groan and moaning as he shifted his grip, spreading your thighs wider. 
His nose pressed against your clit, and he rubbed it there as his tongue delved inside you, slow and deliberate, tasting you from the inside out. 
His breathing was ragged now, warm puffs of air against your heat between each swipe of his tongue.
“Fuck yes,” he whispered hoarsely against you, his voice barely audible over the sound of his mouth working your cunt. “Fuck… taste so good. Yes. Yes, ma’am…”
You tugged his hair lightly, guiding him just where you wanted, and he followed without hesitation, his moans vibrating through your core. 
His nose nudged your clit again, his tongue lapping at your entrance with long, languid strokes, and your moans filled the room, soft and breathy.
“That’s it,” you encouraged, your voice breaking slightly as he found just the right rhythm. “Such a good boy. Keep going, baby. Make me come.”
Joel groaned deeply, the sound muffled as he pressed his face impossibly closer to your core, his lips locking around your clit. 
Each sound he made was guttural, desperate, like he was losing himself in the taste of you.
His hands gripped your thighs tightly, anchoring himself to you as his nose pressed against your folds, adding pressure in all the right places.
“Good boy,” you whispered, your voice trembling as you combed your fingers through his hair, guiding him exactly where you needed him. “Keep going, baby. Suck my clit just like that.”
Joel whimpered against you, the sound low and wrecked, and he obeyed without hesitation, sucking harder, his tongue darting out to flick over the swollen nub between pulls. 
He groaned again, his hips shifting slightly as if he couldn’t help but grind against the mattress, completely undone by the act of pleasuring you.
Your breath hitched, your body trembling as the tension in your core tightened to an unbearable degree.
“Fuck, Joel—don’t stop. Don’t you fucking stop.”
He moaned louder at your words, his hands tightening on your thighs as he doubled down, his lips creating just the right amount of pressure while his tongue worked you mercilessly. 
His nose nudged against your clit in rhythm with his sucking, the sensation pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
“Please,” he murmured against you between strokes, his voice trembling with need. “Wanna make you come, ma’am. Wanna feel you fall apart on my tongue.”
That was all it took. Your body tensed, your back arching as your orgasm slammed into you, waves of pleasure crashing through you so hard you couldn’t even form words. 
Joel groaned against you, his tongue and lips relentless as he rode out your release, his moans vibrating through every sensitive nerve ending.
When you finally came down, your thighs trembling and your breath shaky, Joel slowly pulled back, his lips glistening and swollen, his face flushed and eyes glazed with pure adoration.
He looked like a man on his knees at the altar of a goddess.
“perfect,” he whispered, his voice wrecked, his gaze fixed on your blissed-out expression.
“Did I do good?” he asked quietly, his voice raw and hoarse.
You smiled, brushing your fingers over his cheek. “Better than good, baby,” you murmured. “Fuck.”
Joel’s eyes darted to yours, wide and full of something raw and pleading. 
He leaned in again, his lips brushing against your inner thigh as he spoke, his voice trembling with need. “Please… can I keep goin’? Just a little more. I don’t wanna stop. Wanna taste you again, ma’am.”
His mouth found your clit in a featherlight kiss, his tongue flicking out experimentally, careful and reverent as though seeking permission. 
His hands slid up your thighs, holding them open like you might change your mind.
“Joel,” you said, your voice soft but firm, your hand threading into his hair and tugging just enough to stop him. “No, baby. I wanna feel you now.”
Joel froze, his breath hitching, and he whined softly against your skin, the sound almost pitiful. “But—” he started, his lips pressing to your clit again in a desperate, fleeting kiss. “I can make you come again. Please, I—”
“Joel.” Your voice was sharper this time, not cruel but commanding. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, his lips glistening and his pupils blown wide. “You’ve been so good, baby, but I want you now. Don’t make me ask twice.”
The words sent a visible shudder through him. He hesitated for half a second before pulling back reluctantly, his lips parted as if to protest but no words came out. His hands lingered on your thighs, squeezing gently as he swallowed hard.
“Yes, ma’am,” he finally said, his voice low and hoarse, the respect and submission in his tone sending a fresh wave of heat through you.
He sat back on his heels, his eyes never leaving yours as he waited for your next command.
You leaned up slightly, cupping his cheek with one hand, your thumb brushing over his flushed skin. His lips were parted, breathless, as if he couldn’t quite believe this was happening. 
“You’ve done so well, baby,” you murmured softly, letting your other hand trail down his chest. “But I need to see all of you. Let’s get this off.”
Joel’s breath hitched, his wide eyes locking onto yours as you reached for the buttons of his shirt. “Yes,” he whispered, the words shaky and reverent, like he couldn’t believe he was allowed this moment.
One by one, you undid the buttons, the fabric parting to reveal the broad expanse of his chest.
You slid the shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the bed as you sat back to admire him.
Your gaze swept over the planes of his body—the strong curve of his shoulders, the scars that marred his skin, the soft dusting of hair on his chest.
“Fuck, Joel,” you murmured, your voice full of heat and awe. “Look at you. You’re beautiful.”
His cheeks turned a deep red, and he looked away, swallowing hard. “Don’t know about that,” he mumbled, his voice low and unsure.
You leaned forward, your hands sliding over his chest, your thumbs brushing along the ridges of his scars.
“Oh, I do,” you purred, your tone leaving no room for argument. “You’re fucking perfect, Joel. Every inch of you.”
Your fingers grazed his nipples, and Joel froze, his breath catching audibly. The faintest shiver ran through his body, and he let out a soft, shaky, “Ma’am…”
You smirked, leaning in closer. “Sensitive, huh?” you murmured, circling the hardened peaks with your thumbs.
Joel let out a broken gasp, his hips jerking into the air as his hands gripped the sheets beneath him.
“Fuck,” he groaned, his voice low and desperate. “Didn’t… didn’t know I -.”
“You didn’t?” you teased, leaning down to press a soft kiss to one nipple before flicking your tongue over it. Joel’s reaction was instant—a guttural moan that sent a wave of heat straight through you.
“Sweetheart I-” he gasped again, his hands trembling as they hovered near your waist, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch you. “I—fuck, I—”
“Hush, baby,” you whispered, shifting to his other nipple and sucking it into your mouth. 
Joel cried out, his head falling back against the pillows as his chest arched into your touch.
His hips bucked again, and you could feel how hard he was, straining against the confines of his jeans.
“Fuck,” he whimpered, his voice trembling. “I didn’t know… didn’t know I could feel this good. Please, don’t stop.”
You hummed against his skin, your tongue teasing over the sensitive bud before you nipped at it gently. Joel’s whole body jerked, a sharp gasp escaping his lips.
“You’re so sensitive, baby,” you murmured, sitting back to admire the way his chest heaved, his eyes wide and glassy. “Bet no one’s ever touched you like this before.”
Joel shook his head frantically, his hands gripping the sheets so tightly his knuckles turned white. “No,” he breathed. “Never. Fuck, it’s—ma’am, it’s so good.”
You let your hands drift lower, tracing the sharp lines of his ribs and the soft curve of his stomach. Joel’s eyes fluttered shut, and he let out a shaky moan as your fingers teased the waistband of his jeans.
“You want more, baby?” you asked softly, your voice teasing and full of promise.
Joel nodded frantically, his voice barely above a whisper as he rasped, “Please… please, ma’am. Anything you want.”
You hooked your fingers into the waistband of his jeans, slowly pulling them down along with his underwear, your eyes drinking in the sight of him as he was finally exposed.
Joel’s cock sprang free, flushed and thick, the head an angry, swollen red and glistening with his earlier release.
Pearly streaks of cum had smeared down his shaft, pooling at the base and even dripping onto his balls. You let out a low hum of approval, your lips curling into a wicked smile.
“Such a mess,” you tutted, your voice thick with teasing affection. “You’ve really made quite the mess, baby.”
Joel’s chest heaved, his breath coming in shaky gasps as he avoided your gaze, his embarrassment clear. But his hips jerked slightly, almost involuntarily, at the heat in your voice.
“Aw, don’t get shy on me now,” you teased, your fingers curling gently around his cock, feeling the slickness of him against your palm.
“This is nothing to be embarrassed about. It just shows how much you need me.”
Joel whimpered, his voice breaking as he finally met your eyes. “I… I can’t help it,” he admitted hoarsely, his voice trembling. “You make me—fuck—you make me crazy.”
Your thumb stroked up the length of his shaft, smearing the sticky remnants of his cum before circling the sensitive head.
“I know, baby,” you cooed, your voice softening just a touch. “And I love how desperate you get for me. Let me clean you up first, okay? Can’t leave my good boy all messy like this.”
Joel nodded frantically, his lips parting as a shaky moan escaped him. “Yes, ma’am,” he whispered, his voice thick with submission.
You leaned down, your tongue darting out to trace along the underside of his cock, starting at the base where his cum had pooled and slowly working your way up.
The taste of him was intoxicating, salty and musky, and you let out a quiet, pleased hum as you licked him clean. Joel’s entire body trembled beneath you, his hands gripping the sheets tightly as he struggled to stay still.
“Fuck,” he gasped, his voice barely above a whisper. “Ma’am… oh, fuck…”
You didn’t stop, your tongue swirling around the head of his cock, collecting every drop of his release before moving lower.
Your lips closed around one of his balls, sucking gently as your hand continued to stroke him, coaxing soft whimpers and gasps from his lips.
His thighs trembled, his breath hitching as you moved to the other, lavishing it with the same attention.
“You taste so good, Joel,” you murmured, your voice low and sultry as you pulled back slightly to admire your work. “Such a pretty cock, too. Look at you, all clean and perfect for me now.”
Joel moaned loudly, his head tipping back as his hands clenched the sheets even tighter. “You’re—fuck—you’re perfect,” he stammered, his voice cracking. “I don’t deserve this.”
You grinned, your fingers brushing along the length of his cock, your touch light and teasing.
“You deserve every bit of this,” you said firmly, your voice dipping into a commanding tone. “You’ve been such a good boy for me, haven’t you? Letting me take care of you like this.”
Joel’s hips jerked against your hand, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps as he nodded frantically.
“Yes,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Yes, ma’am. Please… please don’t stop.”
You leaned in again, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his cock, your tongue flicking out to tease the sensitive slit.
“You want more, baby?” you murmured, your voice dripping with seduction. “Want me to make you feel even better?”
Joel’s eyes fluttered open, his gaze locking onto yours as he nodded, his desperation palpable. “Please,” he rasped, his voice breaking. “I’ll do anything. Just… please let me feel you.”
You smiled, soft and knowing, before leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. “Anything, huh?” you teased, your voice low and dripping with promise. “Then show me, Joel. Show me how much you want this.”
Joel’s hands trembled as he gripped your hips, helping you straddle him. His cock pressed against your slick heat, and he groaned deeply, the sound vibrating through both of you.
His eyes flicked between your face and where your bodies were about to join, his chest heaving with anticipation.
“Don’t make me wait,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and wrecked. “Please, ma’am. Let me feel you.”
You reached down, guiding him to your entrance, your breath hitching as you slowly sank down onto him.
The stretch was delicious, the thickness of him filling you completely, and you couldn’t help the moan that spilled from your lips.
“Fuck, Joel,” you gasped, your hands bracing on his chest. “You feel so good, baby. So big—.”
Joel’s head fell back against the pillows, his lips parted as a choked moan escaped him.
“Goddamn,” he muttered, his voice shaky. “You’re so tight, so fuckin’ perfect. Feels like heaven, darlin’. I—fuck—I can’t believe this.”
You rocked your hips slowly, letting yourself adjust to the feel of him before setting a steady rhythm.
Joel’s hands gripped your waist, his fingers digging into your skin as he bucked up to meet you, his movements desperate and hungry.
“Good boy,” you murmured, your voice low and commanding as you leaned over him, your lips brushing against his ear. “That’s it, Joel. Let me take care of you. Let me give you what you need.”
Joel whimpered beneath you, his hips stuttering as he clung to you.
“You’re… you’re so fuckin’ good to me,” he rasped, his voice cracking with emotion. “The way you—fuck—the way you handle everything. The way you handle me.”
You tilted your head, studying him with soft affection as your hips moved steadily against his.
“Finally can let go, hm?” you murmured, your tone soothing yet commanding. “Yeah? Let me take care of you, Joel. You don’t have to worry so much.”
Joel’s eyes squeezed shut, his breath hitching as his hands slid up to cup your waist, holding you like you were his lifeline.
“Fuck,” he moaned, his hips bucking harder into you. “I—I worry about you, darlin’. But… but it’s an honor to. Always an honor.”
Your heart clenched at his words, and you leaned down to kiss him deeply, swallowing the desperate sounds spilling from his lips.
His thrusts grew erratic beneath you, his chest heaving as he neared the edge.
Joel’s hands gripped your waist tighter, his fingers digging into your skin like he was afraid to let go.
His breath came in short, ragged bursts, and his hips moved with a frantic rhythm beneath you, desperate and unrelenting. Each thrust sent waves of pleasure coursing through you, your body moving in perfect sync with his.
“You’re so fucking good, Joel,” you murmured against his lips, your voice heavy with affection and desire. “So perfect, baby. Keep going—don’t stop.”
His head tipped back, exposing the vulnerable curve of his throat, a choked moan escaping his lips.
“I—I can’t—fuck, darlin’,” he gasped, his voice trembling with raw emotion. “You feel so goddamn good. Can’t… can’t hold on much longer.”
You cupped his face, bringing his gaze back to yours, your thumb brushing over his flushed cheek.
“You don’t have to hold on,” you whispered, your voice a soothing command. “Let go for me, Joel. Let me feel you.”
Joel’s eyes widened, his pupils blown, and his hips snapped up into you with desperate force.
“You’re—God, you’re everything,” he groaned, his voice breaking as his hands slid up your sides, trembling as they roamed over your body. “Everything, darlin'. Don’t wanna stop… don’t wanna lose this.”
“You’re not gonna lose anything,” you reassured him, your own voice breathy and uneven as you rocked against him harder, the friction pushing you closer to your own edge. “I’m here, Joel. Always. Now, give it to me, baby.”
Joel’s body tensed, his back arching off the bed as a guttural moan tore from his throat.
“Fuck!” he cried, his hands gripping your hips as his release hit him, his cock pulsing inside you with a heat that sent you spiraling.
The intensity of his climax triggered your own, your body tightening around him as waves of ecstasy crashed over you.
Your cries mingled with his, the room filled with the sounds of your shared pleasure, raw and unrestrained.
Joel’s hips stuttered beneath you, his movements slowing as he rode out the last shuddering waves of his orgasm. His hands loosened their grip on your hips, sliding up to cradle your back as he pulled you down against his chest, holding you close.
For a moment, neither of you spoke, the only sounds in the room your labored breathing and the faint rustle of the sheets. Joel’s fingers traced lazy patterns on your skin, his chest rising and falling beneath you as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.
“You’re… you’re incredible,” he murmured, his voice hoarse but filled with awe. “I don’t deserve you, darlin’. Don’t deserve any of this.”
You lifted your head, brushing your lips against his with a tenderness that made his breath hitch. “You deserve it all, Joel,” you murmured, your voice steady but warm. “Every damn bit. You’re good to me—you’re good for me.”
Joel’s eyes searched yours, shining with an emotion he couldn’t quite name but didn’t want to hide. His arms tightened around you, his lips brushing your forehead in a lingering, reverent kiss.
"Now rest up. We’ve got work to do.”
· · ───
From then on, you and Joel became Jackson’s most formidable pair. Whether it was managing patrols, handling disputes, or protecting the town, people knew better than to question the two of you. Joel was your rock, steadfast and loyal, while you were the sharp, commanding presence that kept everything moving forward.
He was at your side for every decision, every challenge, always watching your back—and stealing those quiet moments when it was just the two of you. Joel wore his pride in you like a badge, unspoken but deeply felt, in the way his gaze lingered and his touch steadied you.
And every night, as the world outside grew dark, you both found solace in each other—a partnership built on trust, strength, and the kind of love that didn’t need words to be understood.
Joel always said it best in his own way: “Ain’t nothin’ in this world I wouldn’t do for you, darlin’. Always.”
· · ───────────𖥸──────────· ··
I am not beta reading all of that so if y'all find any errors tell me or ignore them like I did the past 22 years. Hope this was fun for you - please comment your opinions (plsplspls). I kinda feel like this is too long idk-
love youuuuuu
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kryllia · 3 months ago
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Mine to Protect, Mine to Own
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art from pinterest
yandere mafia classmate x reader
Pt 1 - Pt 2
Nicolò Dellabarca had always been a mystery.
You weren’t close. You had only worked together on a class project once. He was efficient, quiet, and surprisingly attentive, but the partnership ended without much conversation.
Still, something always felt off about him.
He was cold with others but different around you. He never spoke unless necessary, yet his presence loomed over you like a shadow. Whenever you turned your head, you found his sharp blue eyes watching you, unreadable but focused.
At first, you ignored it.
Then, small things started happening.
One night, when you were leaving campus late, a stranger had followed you for a few blocks—until a black car pulled up, and the man suddenly disappeared. The next day, a few guys from your class who had been bothering you stopped showing up. And once, when you almost tripped on the stairs, Nicolò had been there, catching your arm before you even realized he was close.
"Careful."
His voice had been deep, steady. He had let go quickly, looking almost flustered.
You should have put the pieces together then.
But you didn’t—until the night you were taken.
It happened fast. A car pulled up. A group of men stepped out. Before you could scream, a hand covered your mouth.
You fought, kicking and struggling, but everything faded into darkness.
Your first thought upon waking was: This is too comfortable to be a basement.
A thick blanket covered you. A fireplace crackled nearby. The room smelled of expensive wood and something faintly floral.
For a second, you thought you were dreaming—until the door opened.
"Mom, what do you mean you have a surprise for me? It better not be another—"
The voice stopped.
You turned your head—and froze.
Nicolò.
His blue eyes went wide. His usual cold expression shattered, replaced by something you had never seen before: panic.
He slammed the door shut behind him.
"Mom..." His voice was sharp, but there was something almost desperate beneath it. "What did you do?"
From behind the door, a light, cheery voice replied.
"Oh, relax, sweetheart. I just helped you a little."
Nicolò let out a shaky breath. "This is not helping."
He turned back to you.
You met his gaze, your body rigid.
"...What the hell is going on?"
The door opened again, and a woman stepped inside.
She was beautiful—dark-haired, elegant, and radiating control. She held a glass of water and smiled at you as if you weren’t just kidnapped.
"You must be thirsty," she said, offering the glass.
You didn’t take it.
"Who are you?"
Her lips curled. "You can call me Isabella. I’m Nicolò’s mother."
Your stomach twisted.
"And why did your men kidnap me?"
She sighed as if this were a mild inconvenience. "Because my son is terrible at taking what he wants."
You turned to Nicolò, waiting for him to deny it.
He didn’t.
His fists clenched at his sides, his breathing shallow.
You took a slow step back. "You let this happen?"
"I—I didn’t know—" He cut himself off, rubbing his face. "Mamma, why would you do this?"
Isabella chuckled. "Oh, Nicolò, don’t be so dramatic. You were never going to make the first move, so I gave you a little push."
You scoffed. "Push?! You kidnapped me!"
Isabella tilted her head. "And yet, you’re perfectly safe, aren’t you?"
Your blood ran cold.
She stepped closer, her voice soft but firm. "Do you know how many people have been watching you? Waiting for you to be alone? Do you really think walking home alone at night was ever safe?"
You swallowed hard.
She smiled. "You needed to be taken, darling. If not by us, then by someone worse."
You clenched your fists. "That’s bullshit."
Nicolò finally spoke, his voice low. "It’s not."
Your chest tightened.
You turned to him, searching his face. "Then let me go."
His jaw clenched.
He didn’t answer.
Because you both knew the truth.
There was no leaving.
-
The Dellabarca estate was suffocatingly grand. Every hallway was lined with paintings, every door guarded.
And now, you were seated at an impossibly long dining table, facing the people who had stolen you.
Nicolò sat stiffly at the head of the table, shoulders tense. Across from him sat a man you had yet to meet.
Giovanni Dellabarca.
His father.
The room felt colder with him in it. His presence was overwhelming—calm, composed, and dangerous.
"So," Giovanni finally said, swirling his wine. "You have fire. I like that."
You set your fork down sharply. "I don’t care what you like."
Nicolò inhaled sharply beside you.
Giovanni smirked. "Feisty. Just like your mother, eh, Isabella?"
His wife chuckled. "Oh, absolutely. I see so much of myself in them."
Your stomach churned. "I am nothing like you."
Isabella smiled knowingly. "Oh, but you are." She leaned in slightly. "You think I wanted this life? That I chose it?"
You stilled.
"I hated Giovanni at first," she continued. "I fought, I screamed, I ran—but in the end, I understood."
She turned to her husband, her gaze softening. "Love in this world isn’t sweet. It’s fierce. It’s possession. And once you understand that..."
She looked back at you, her expression almost pitying.
"...it’s easier."
Your hands shook.
Giovanni exhaled, setting down his glass. "You’ll come around. She did."
Your skin burned with anger. "I am not her."
For a moment, Giovanni studied you.
Then—unexpectedly—he laughed.
Nicolò stiffened.
"You know," Giovanni mused, "when Isabella first entered my life, she hated me just as much as you hate my son now."
You clenched your fists. "Good."
His smirk didn’t falter.
"Yet, here we are."
Your blood ran cold.
Nicolò suddenly stood. "Enough."
Giovanni’s brow lifted. "Touched a nerve?"
Nicolò’s hands curled into fists. "They don’t need to hear this." His voice was sharp, controlled—but his eyes flickered with something desperate.
He turned to you, his voice lower. "Come on. I’ll take you back to your room."
You hesitated.
Then, without another word, you followed him out.
As soon as the door shut behind you, Nicolò let out a sharp breath, running a hand through his dark hair. His shoulders, always so rigid around his family, slumped slightly.
"Dio mio, that was a disaster."
You folded your arms. "That’s an understatement."
He turned to face you. For the first time since you woke up in this house, he looked directly at you—really looked at you. His piercing blue eyes, usually so cold, held something else now. Something desperate.
"...Are you okay?"
The words were so quiet, so gentle, they made your stomach twist.
You wanted to lash out. To scream at him. To tell him no, I am not okay, you psychotic bastard—your family kidnapped me!
But something about the way he was looking at you—like he was hurting just from seeing you upset—made your breath catch.
You clenched your fists. "...No. I’m not."
His jaw tightened. His hands curled into fists at his sides like he wanted to punch a wall—or worse, like he wanted to hold you but didn’t know if he was allowed.
"You—" His voice caught. He exhaled through his nose, composing himself before trying again. "You don’t understand."
Your eyes narrowed. "Understand what, Nicolò? That you let your mother steal me? That I’m being held hostage in your house?"
His expression twisted.
Then, before you could react, he moved.
Fast.
He was in front of you in an instant, his large frame towering over yours. One of his hands slammed against the door beside your head, caging you in. The other reached for your wrist, wrapping around it—not tight enough to hurt, but firm enough that you couldn’t pull away.
You sucked in a sharp breath.
His eyes, those sharp, ice-blue eyes, burned into yours.
"You think I wanted this?" His voice was low, rough, almost shaking. "You think I wanted them to touch you? To take you before I could—before I—"
He cut himself off, his breath ragged.
You swallowed hard. "Before you what, Nicolò?"
His fingers twitched against your wrist.
His lips parted like he was going to answer—but he hesitated. His breathing was heavy, his jaw tight.
Then, quietly—so softly it sent a shiver down your spine—he whispered:
"Before I could make you mine."
Your stomach dropped.
His grip on your wrist tightened slightly, his thumb brushing over your pulse. He could feel how fast your heart was racing. His expression darkened, something dangerously close to satisfaction flickering across his face.
"You don’t get it, cara mia." His voice was almost gentle now, a sick contrast to the possessiveness dripping from his words. "You were never safe outside. They were watching you. Waiting for an opportunity."
His free hand rose, his knuckles grazing your cheek.
"I was the only thing keeping you safe."
Your breath hitched.
His fingers trailed down to your jaw, tilting your chin up so you couldn’t look away.
"You hate me now," he murmured. "That’s fine. You can hate me all you want." His thumb brushed over your bottom lip, slow, deliberate. "But you belong to me, whether you like it or not."
Your entire body tensed. "I belong to no one."
His expression flickered—hurt, frustration, something deeper—but it was gone in an instant. Instead, his lips curved into something that made your blood run cold.
A smirk.
"Say that again in a few months," he murmured, voice almost teasing. Almost sweet.
He leaned in, his breath hot against your ear.
"We’ll see if you still believe that then."
And just like that, he let go.
You stumbled back, heart hammering, but he just straightened his posture, rolling his shoulders like nothing had happened.
His cold mask was back in place.
He turned away from you, walking toward the door.
"I’ll have someone bring you food," he said casually, as if he hadn’t just claimed you as his own. "Get some rest."
You gritted your teeth. "I’m not staying here."
Nicolò stopped.
For a moment, he didn’t move.
Then, slowly, he turned his head to the side—just enough for you to see the dangerous glint in his eyes.
"You don’t have a choice, amore."
And with that, he walked out, locking the door behind him.
This is inspirated by c.ai bot and it was made by @Strawberry_88
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luveline · 4 months ago
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i just saw someone on tiktok say “behind every girl that always wants to be around their partner is a little who’s dad didn’t choose her.” with aaron pls :(( and reader reveals her daddy issues? xxx
—hotch comforts you when you worry you depend on him for the wrong reasons. fem, 2k
You were aware of the irony. Girl who hates her father latches onto the first older man to give her any positive attention: the framing isn’t complimentary to either of you, and it’s not true, really. You love Aaron because he’s kind, and he’s handsome, and because he loves you first. You won’t pretend he’s perfect even if he might say that about you. He doesn’t have to be. 
Aaron is kind where all the other men in your life have been cruel. He is the person you go to when things go wrong, even if you don’t expect him to fix things for you. You know you have ‘daddy issues’, and you don’t want them to affect how you and Aaron are when you’re together, but it’s obvious to the both of you that you crave being looked after. The way Aaron takes care of you absolutely factors into why you love him. 
He wraps the tail end of your scarf into your coat and flattens the lump of it until it’s under your chin. “Alright?” he asks, not expecting an answer as he turns away to grab his own scarf. “Will that coat be warm enough? It might be a few hours.” 
“Fine. We’ll be inside most of the time.” 
“Mm,” he hums, reaching back to pinch your side. You laugh and he smiles but doesn’t say anything further, pulling open the front door, and holding it for you until you’re on the porch. 
“You know you don’t have to… spoil him, so much,” you say lightly. 
“It’s not spoiling, he only wants a few things.” 
You’d personally felt that Jack’s birthday wish list was a bit long, but you don’t care. You don’t have a vendetta against Jack's happiness. If Aaron wants to spend half a paycheck (alright, a quarter, if that) on some toys, he should do it. But he probably knows already that Jack won’t care if he doesn’t get all of that stuff. “I didn’t get half as much for my birthdays,” you say. 
“Believe me, honey, neither did I.” 
“One year someone’s mom got me a full box set of movies though. That was a good one.” 
“One year, I got two different pagers.” He snorts. “And now they’re useless.” 
“I never used a pager.” 
Aaron goes a bit red, self-shame or something silly like that. “Don’t tell me that.” 
“Cradle snatcher.” 
“Stop, that’s not funny.” 
It’s funny. You aren’t shockingly younger than Aaron but it’s definitely enough time to see the difference (not that you care, you quite like him with his permanent wrinkle between his brows and his big, big hands). “I really haven’t. I know what they are, of course, but I went straight to a cell phone.” 
He grumbles something unheard. Together, you get into his car and drive to the shopping centre nearest the house, a maze of storefronts with outdoor entrances, like a mall that’s been shaken and thrown out over two streets. It’s not entertaining but in a way, it’s good. Aaron holds your hand and you can walk around with your head held high, proud to be a well-dressed, in love-looking partnership. See, your face says to anyone who’ll look, I’m well-loved. 
After an hour or two he kisses your cheek and decides aloud that you need dinner. He doesn’t ask if you’re hungry, he just chooses, and you love it. 
“Thank you for letting me come today,” you say, sitting across from him behind a dinner plate and a towering glass of lemon water. 
“Did I let you?” he asks, distracted by his steak and fries, though he sounds as loving as usual. 
“You could’ve said no.” 
“I have no reason to. I like when you’re with me. Thank you for letting me bring you, then, and boring you half to death.” 
“Freezing me the other half.” 
“Ah, so smart, so clever,” he murmurs. 
“Witty.” 
“Always, aren’t you?” 
You wonder about the dessert menu, find your mouth working of its own accord. “It doesn’t feel believable, sometimes. That you want me around so much.” 
He pauses, resting his knife across his fork. With a free hand, he gestures to your hand. “Would you like more proof?” 
You aren’t sure what he means, the tennis bracelet he got you for your first anniversary, or the engagement ring that sits heavily on your marriage finger waiting to be traded for a golden band. Maybe he means the teeny silver bracelet that falls down your arm whenever you move, that one just for fun. 
“Not,” he says slowly, his eyes squinted to tell you that you’re caught, “that jewellery should be your sole proof.” 
“Would you like to prove it to me now?” 
He reaches over to squeeze your hand. “I want you around all of the time. If I could I’d have us sewn together at the hip.” He’s grinning, thumbing against your knuckles. “It might not be comfortable at night when you’re trying to climb all over me.” 
“You climb all over me, Hotchner, don’t lie.” 
Aaron nods appreciatively. “That’s right. You’re the second most important thing in my life, and that’s not your fault, only Jack is so endearing.” 
“He’s a lucky kid.” 
“No, he’s not,” Aaron says gently, “but I really do love him.” 
“Of course he’s lucky. He has a dad who loves him to pieces, his Aunt Jess is like, superwoman, and– you know, I know I’m not the same as that, but I love him.”
“You look after him,” Aaron says. 
“It’s honestly just nice that you seem to like him. You don’t act like he’s an annoyance for you, you aren’t angry to have to come out today to get him his presents.” 
“Well, no. It’s not something to be angry about. When you have kids, you’re signing up for every part of having them.” 
“I know.” 
He takes a sip of his drink and puts it down beside your own in what you know to be him buying a little time. “Honey, is there something… I don’t know, something you want to talk about? Is it Jack's birthday…?”
You feel your heart fall into your mouth, as though it began life somewhere else, heartbeat mortified on your tongue. He sees you fluster and immediately softens, turning your hand in his to stroke along the inside of your wrist. 
“Nevermind,” he says. 
“No.” You clear your throat. “It’s not about Jack’s birthday. It’s just… you know you weren’t always the best father you could’ve been.” 
He nods. “I do.” 
“But you are now. You’ve made sacrifices, you– you chose Jack.” 
“I couldn’t not.” You’re quiet. He understands. “Sweetheart, we don’t have to talk about it now. Would that be better? You can think about what you have to say, and I promise I’ll listen without judging you when you’re ready to tell me about it. Okay?” He gives your wrist a squeeze. “You aren’t upset, are you?” 
“I’m just thinking.” 
“Are you too distracted for dessert?” 
You let Aaron pick one for you. Let him pay the bill, he’d be insulted if you even asked about splitting it, and he might genuinely get annoyed if you offered yourself. You usually love it. Someone loves you enough that money is practically immaterial. Just last month he had to have the roof of the house redone, and you know his money isn’t infinite, as does he, and yet it didn’t stop you from being spoiled, because any money he has was money shared. You know if he suddenly turned pauper he’d still spoil you, same way you’re spoiled with soft touches and less chores than you should take. 
“You know I don’t think of you as my father, right?” you ask. 
Aaron chokes on a startled laugh. “Of course I do,” he says, coughing, clutching your elbow. 
“So if I tell you that sometimes the way you treat me reminds me of my father, you won’t take it the wrong way?” 
“No.” He smiles where he should frown, wraps an arm behind your back when he should be judging you. “Men are still men. And I am a father, so it makes sense that you’d have those connotations in mind sometimes.” 
“I don’t want you to be my dad, but I do wonder… I wonder if I want to be around you so much because my father didn’t want to be around me. Does that make sense?” 
“I think it makes sense to wonder about it,” he says diplomatically. 
You’re nearly back to the car and this is a strange place to bare your heart, but it’s not so dramatic, you suppose. “I just think that sometimes I cling to you so much, and it must be– I’m insecure about you.”
“Mm, but you have no reason to be,” he says, pulling you closer still, his fingers aligned against your ribs and warming through your layers. 
“My father didn’t like me, not like you like Jack. There were things that were far more important to him. But with you, I’m important, and– and I know it’s not the same relationship, but–” You groan, not sure what you’re trying to say to him, or what you want him to understand. 
“My father didn’t like me, either,” Aaron says, encouraging you to keep walking to the car. “He was not a nice person. And it absolutely affected how I feel now, even if I don’t always think about him. The way he treated me when I was young influenced the person I am now. And looking for the things I wish he was, looking for kindness, for a gentle partner, it doesn’t mean that I need a placeholder for him, does it? I know what you’re saying to me. Don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to be looked after.” 
You can’t help breathing out a sigh of relief. “Right.” 
“I’ve never been a young woman, and I don’t have a daughter, but it’s not hard to imagine how you felt. It’s okay to wish you’d been loved properly.” 
“I was never a daddy’s girl,” you confess. 
“It’s not fair. Everyone wants to be treasured when they're a kid. And it makes sense that you’re still looking for that feeling. We both know it’s not the same, but I really will look after you.” He smiles. “Okay?” 
“Okay. Sorry if it’s too weird.” 
“It’s not weird to want someone who takes care of you.” 
You bring your hands to his face. They’re smaller than his, you’ve shorter fingers with softer palms, but they fit perfectly on his cheeks. You tease the scratchy hill of his chin with your thumb before closing your eyes, reaching up for a kiss. The bags hanging from your elbows crack, crushed as Aaron gets his hands behind your back to hold you. 
“You’re too good to me,” you say softly, returning flat to your heels. 
Aaron pulls your face back to kiss your cheek. “You deserve everything you get, honey. I promise.” 
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hanasnx · 1 year ago
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“ I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN’ YOU ” — logan howlett.
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MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ WARNINGS: fem reader ノ age gap ノ established relationship ノ size difference ノ suggestive content ノ sexual content: naughty daydreams about pussy eating, nipple play, and groping; masturbation; voyeurism.
“I’m gonna take care of you.” Those six words—six—have defined your relationship with your husband, LOGAN HOWLETT. There’s a great protector in him, this compulsion to mentor and house within him that stretches far beyond his own needs. You fall within that range, and as soon as you met him you latched onto him. It didn’t take long at all before your imprint was reciprocated. Now he thinks of you first in everything he does.
He may not always look it, but you’re a factor in all his decisions. Settling down, nabbing a good job—one that didn’t ask for his background—was all to put you up in a house in the mountains. Far away from civilization, an ivory tower made up of wood he cut himself, surrounded by acres of nature. He’s always thought of himself a hair on the wild side, somehow you tame that down. It’s good, he tells himself, you and him.
It’s a partnership, and all he wants out of you is your safety. He likes you where he can keep an eye on you, make sure you stay out of trouble, make sure you’re comfortable.
You wish you could explain just why he thinks he has to protect you, why he married you, why he pays all the bills and expects nothing in return. You wish you could explain just why this relationship comprises all facets of a real marriage except for intimacy.
Logan won’t touch you. You’ll eat off each other’s utensils, fall asleep on his chest on the couch watching a movie—hell, he’ll reluctantly incline in your direction with a roll of his eyes to let you peck his cheek good-bye when he leaves for work. Yet, he won’t even kiss you. Even before he married you, there wasn’t so much as a grope or a stray look.
There’s home in Logan. You live to please him. You’ll cook him whatever he wants, keep the house he built for you clean as a whistle, you’ll spend all your free time with him, grab him his nightly beer and light his cigar so he stays content—but you’ve never even seen him naked. You doubt you ever will. Regardless, you stay, you can’t imagine leaving this life, leaving him.
It’s defied your expectations the fairy-tales of your childhood gave you. Your knight in shining armor rescued you, yet refuses to plant even true love’s kiss. When you’d matured, you’d fantasized about an insatiable husband that found you so irresistible he couldn’t keep his hands off you. Logan’s never looked at you that way, even though he calls you his wife without hesitation, married you without a second thought.
“Is it because I’m younger than you? I’m only in my early twenties. That’s not a big deal!” you’ve reasoned with him, but he still treats you like you’re naive. He must want passion, you’re sure of that. Why else are you young and beautiful if not to take advantage of it while you still can? Just once you’d like to see him yearn for you, to show lack of restraint, to come home one day so hungry for you that you don’t make it out of the kitchen.
Those claws… those deadly metal claws… you wish he’d use them in fantastical and deviant ways. Just one would glide through your nighty like sheet paper, bareing you to your husband—a sight for him only. You lie awake next to him at night, envisioning raunchy dreams of him proudly boasting the size difference between you two, demonstrating his sheer raw strength by overpowering you and taking what he wants from you. You’ve run your fingers delicately over his lips and the rough pad of his shaved chin, but you can’t imagine just how good it’d feel against your tit, swirling his hot tongue around your perked nipple while his callused digits pinch the other. You can pretend his head is ducking between your thighs, the sensation of his soft hair tickling your skin and tangling in your fingers as his masculine jaw scratches the fragile tissue of your pussy. As starved as you are, even discomfort like that is enough to make you moan into your palm, only to check over your shoulder to make sure you still hear your husband’s snoring.
You steel yourself at the noise, the low rumbling of his sleep cautions you to stay quiet but to proceed nonetheless. Your hand creeps down your neck, your chest, your stomach… You really should leave the room, but you’d risk waking him up for real at the sound of the door. Instead, you fuck yourself yet again, the soft rocking of the mattress as you hump your own hand filling the ears of your kindhearted husband—who’s been awake this whole time.
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why-animals-do-the-thing · 7 months ago
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hi, i wanted to ask what you think about those japanese zoo's training exercises were someone dresses up as an animal and pretends to have escaped and all that, are they effective? what do U.S zoo's do to train for things like that?
They look silly, but they're a real emergency drill! They force people to think through how they'd problem-solve in real time and in the physical space, which is a very different experience than just thinking about it.
There's no consistent requirement for emergency drills in the US federal regulations for zoos, but there is a contingency planning one. Facilities licensed by the USDA have to identify and create plans for addressing likely emergencies they may have to deal with, which is everything from like natural disasters to animal escapes. That's all done as paperwork and provided to the government to prove they've done it.
BUT. That doesn't mean that zoos and other animal facilities don't do more planning on their own. Some of the third-party accreditations (it might be all of them but I don't have the docs in front of me to confirm) require regular drills for all types of emergency scenarios.
Now there's a slight problem there - a real escape drill, run fully on grounds with real people and stand-in animal, interferes with the daily operations of the zoo. You might not have to physically shut all the guests into buildings during a practice leopard escape, but you do need them to not get in the way, and you don't want to scare people who think a drill is real, etc. So there's an alternate option.
US zoos frequently run emergency management drills as TTRGPs!
Like, they use a printed scale map of the zoo and roll dice to randomize the situation. This is absolutely recommended as a strategy by the Zoo and Aquariums All Hazard Partnership: there's a whole webpage about it, including instructions for the Drill Master.
There are in-person drills, of course, because you have to practice dealing with these problems in meatspace. But a lot of them are done tabletop! I cannot express the extent of my mirth when I first encountered this in the wild at a conference about a decade ago, when the idea was really taking off. It was Very Serious Zoo People on a Very Serious Topic about preventing Really Bad Things from happening... and then suddenly there was a d20 on the screen.
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