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seasidewriter1-writes · 4 years ago

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Replying to @elizabeth0020 for: Hello!! I’ve always wondered how you decide what arcs/episodes you’re going to write? There are sooooo many, how do you know what’s a good one for your story vs one that isn’t? And a second question (if you feel like answering lol): how do you picture all the details you wrote? Like lighting, movements, facial expression etc? You’re so good at that and I’ve always been amazed at how you come up with them!

I love answering anything and everything, so never worry about sending me too much! I don’t often get to talk about the technical stuff (like the questions you’ve asked), so I love getting any chance I have to talk about them! (So hold on tight, ‘cause this is a ramble! 😂)

So, for the first question regarding the arcs... I picked out what episodes/arcs I thought were beneficial when I did my first watch through of the Clone Wars this past summer. I had a google doc that I wrote down all the episode names in, then jotted down the preliminary ideas. Let me tell you, with a show that has seven seasons of 20+ episodes, it was... so daunting to even think about narrowing down what episodes and arcs to use. It was what initially deterred me from using any of them at all. So I started to look for things that I felt would directly impact Elara, her character, and her development. For example, I didn’t really use all of “Cat and Mouse” because the episode, on a whole, wouldn’t have Elara much involved in it. It did, however, provide a wonderful backdrop for her time on Christophsis, which is why I didn’t nix it entirely. Aside from forcing Obi-Wan and Elara to be tied together, “Dooku Captured” and “The Gungan General” were used to introduce her to Hondo, whom both allows her to be more playful, and showcases her knowledge of the seedier side of the galaxy. And there are plenty of episodes that I love and adore that I just... don’t think would fit. For as much as I love “Senate Spy” and the introduction of Clovis, there’s no way for me to put Elara into that episode and not have it feel forced. That’s another huge thing I look for when picking episodes; if Elara doesn’t feel like she would naturally fit into the storyline somehow, even if it’s indirectly, I’m not going to force her into it. That’s when I do things like mention the events of the episode in a chapter (like with “Clone Cadets”) instead of doing a whole episode. So Clovis is obviously going to get a mention (she’s Anakin’s sister and Padmé’s bestie, of course she’s going to hear about the debacle), but the whole episode won’t be written out.

Then, of course, you have the arcs. The ones that I had immediately chosen are (and these probably come as no surprise): Ryloth, Mandalore, Mortis, Slavers, and Deception. The arcs I find easier to choose because you have a chance to work with more surface area so to speak. It gives me a chance to really flesh out Elara’s part in the story, focus in on her and her emotions and how she’s tied to this particular plot. With the Mortis Arc, for example––Elara is a Skywalker. She is strong with the Force, and in the “Balance” verse, considered a Chosen One. That ties her into the Mortis Arc very interestingly, since it’s not just Anakin going God Mode. It’s going to lend me the chance to really dig deep into Elara, her connection to the Force, to the Light and Dark (the Daughter and Son), and her relationship to being a Chosen One. At first I was like ‘holy shit I’m never gonna be able to do this arc,’ and then when I buckled down and really thought it over... I realized it’s going to be really important for her as a character, and particularly her relationship with Anakin (stay tuned!). It also probably comes as no surprise that a lot of the arcs (and episodes) that get picked are influenced by whether or not Anakin or Obi-Wan are in them. Which is why I almost turned a blind eye to the Umbara Arc until someone brought it up. I did a rewatch of it and knew I had to include it, too. Because that’s going to be an awesome opportunity to flesh out how close Elara is to the 442nd, and be able to contrast her ideals as a General against those of Krell. A lot of the picking of episodes and arcs ends up being trial and error. I wrote the first four-ish pages of “Clone Cadets” before I realized it just didn’t flow right.

All this being said, I like to envision Elara is around for all of the Clone Wars episodes, so I’ve got lots of fun little random snippets for things that I’ll probably never write, but figure would happen in some part of a CW episode.

And after all that, here we finally are at your second question! ☺️

Coming up with all those small details is actually an amalgamation of things at work. I do attribute a lot of it to my training as an actor/theatre artist. I think about how, if I were directing it, how I’d want the movements to look, and how that would translate on both a small scale, and a large scale. A touch of a hand for Obi-Wan and Elara can feel like a world shifting movement––but come off as nothing but a simple, friendly gesture to their fellows. On a small scale, what makes the difference is the way the touch happens. How light the pressure of the touch is, how long it lasts, how slowly their fingers brush against the other person’s hand... all those things help me figure out the mood of that touch and how they’d respond to it. Also, when choosing words to describe movements I often think about the attitude attached to it. A ‘turn of the head’ when Anakin’s being moody may end up being a ‘swivel,’ or the ‘arch’ of an eyebrow from Obi-Wan is more sarcastic than a gentler ‘raise.’ I often agonize picking out those sorts of words. I’ll sit there and try them over and over again, then put them all into a Thesaurus website because I worry I use the same words too much. The thesaurus (particularly when writing Obi-Wan), is my best friend.

When I write mannerisms for canon characters, I use a lot of reference for. I’ll literally just scroll through gifs, watch movie clips, or rewatch the scene I’m writing to pick up on character-specific mannerisms. A couple chapters ago I was describing Anakin’s angry face, and I just looked at images of him from Revenge of the Sith (him alone in the Council room, him being knighted as Vader, his expressions on Mustafar, etc.) I’ll also do this for vocal ticks/inflections. I will also unashamedly admit I will sit there and compose my face into whatever expression I’m trying to describe. Sometimes feeling it physically, or physically composing it helps me come up with words or ways to describe the look. Same thing with touches AND with vocal inflection. Do I sit by myself and read what I’ve written aloud in my best Obi-Wan Kenobi cadence? Yes, yes I do. And has it helped me figure out what words/phrases do and do not work? Yes, it absolutely has!

Also, a lot of describing the details of motion/facial expression/touch gets affected by music for me. Like, if you listen to “Stairway to Heaven” as played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra while reading, say, the scene in “The Gungan General” where Obi-Wan and Elara wake up pressed up to one another... that song is just THE feel of that moment. Listening to the right music when writing (the little details especially) is big for me. Kinda like how “Blue Monday” is the music that works best for the bunker scene in “Storm Over Ryloth.”

There are also a lot of details that I pull from real life. I remember when I wrote Elara seeing Naboo for the first time—and consequently grass, trees, and flowers, too—it was summer time for me. I was staring out at the trees and the way the light filtered through them, watched how they swayed... the grass had just been cut and the breeze smelled sweet... and I was like ‘god, imagine experiencing this all for the first time.’ So I took what I felt and elevated it a little, tried to add a kind of wonder to the things that we all, for the most part, kinda take for granted. I like pulling on experiences I’ve had in real life as a basis.

I ask attribute a LOT of my detail work to my training as a theatre artist. I think about lighting now differently than I did a couple years ago; because I learned what kinda of light fit different moods. Like the scene of Obi-Wan at Dex’s would feel completely different if I’d described the light as cool toned. It would lack a sense of hope. His reminiscences would be sadder, it would feel more stark. The warmer tones suggest that there’s still heart and hope, a possibility for things to get better, and that reflects his inner life better than colder, bluer light. Or how I used light when I wrote Elara seeing Watto again after 10 years to describe her struggle between Dark and Light in that moment. She stepped out of the sun and into the shade because, for a moment, she almost gave in to the Darkness. (Inspired by the scene in Force Awakens where Kylo asks for Han’s help and the light shines down on them... with hints of red low lighting to hint at the struggle... only to have the light disappear as he overrides his own vulnerability, reverts to the Darkness and kills his own father).

I also love using physical objects as emotional triggers, like is done in theatre quite a bit. A good recent example being Elara’s lightsaber. Obi-Wan having it reminds him of his worries regarding her safety, and his struggle with choosing what path to take in regards to his feelings towards her. Or Elara with the Snow Blossom. These things have the ability to spark different emotions depending on the situation. On a good day, the Snow Blossom will make her smile; on a bad day, it may make her feel more sad than happy. And sometimes they don’t have to be objects—they can be bruises or scars or healing wounds. Having something physical spark an emotional response can be really helpful, and has actually helped me though rough spots in my writing.

I could literally go on for hours about all of this kind of stuff! So thank you for asking about it and giving me a chance to discuss it even a little bit! ☺️

#mary talks balance #mary responds #my writing stuff #detail work #elara skywalker #obi-lara #balance stuff #fic writing

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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I'm having a worse than usual day, so my go to moodlift method is making up headcanons for Dick that don't involve superheroing. You know, the romantic hero, the 'most eligible bachelor' aspect.. gets the focus. Because hey plenty of us had a crush on him growing up. Just for fun, I wanna ask you, do you think he's a slow burn romance kinda guy or intense fiery passionate romance from the get go kinda guy? One more, the age old question, is HE an ass guy or a tiddy guy? Imo he's a thigh guy..

Sorry you’re having a crap day, and uh, hope this didn’t end up not fun, I got lost in the headcanoning and character analysis and zigged and zagged per usual, so……I do not trust my ability to tell, overall. LMAO. But good question, made me think!

I think it depends on the person. I feel like Dick is capable of both, that sometimes feelings just creep up on him for someone over time, but other times he’s just drawn to someone instantly. For me, Babs and Kory is the proof - the instant crush on Babs from day one is more of a Reboot introduction to their dynamic…..in various older continuities, she was more a rival at first. Even as he advocated for Bruce to help train her and not stop her from being Batgirl at sometimes, he still very much was competitive with her, that sort of thing. You could argue it was the schoolboy kinda crush, that idea of a boy pulling the pigtails of a girl he likes because he doesn’t know how to admit he likes her or even realizes himself that he does. But personally, I find that explanation doesn’t really fit Dick, as its more fitting to someone who lacked his early maturity.

The thing is, a lot of people tend to focus on some of Dick’s more immature behaviors and actions, as a grown man and back when he was Robin with the puns and seeming innocence, and just see it as innocence and immaturity…..but I’ve always seen it as a coping mechanism. Dick grew up fast at a very early age, as much as Bruce himself did - they just coped with it in very different ways. People emphasize that Bruce took him in partly to keep Dick from turning out like he did, but they often forget at the same time that Bruce also took Dick in because he empathized with him, saw himself and his own tragedy reflected in Dick’s. Life-altering events had already happened to Dick before he ever set foot in Wayne Manor…..and Dick was altered. He was painfully aware of how cruel life could be, how serious things were, before Bruce ever actually had any ability to halt that realization from ever touching Dick.

The difference between Bruce and Dick and how they turned out, is that with Bruce’s support in those early years, Dick willfully clung to as much of his childhood as was left to him, even if at times it was the ‘fake it until you make it’ mentality. Many of his more immature behaviors are IMO a spiteful defiance of life’s attempt to make him grow up before he should have had to….and Bruce encouraged these things, IMO. He gave Dick the support and shelter, the buffer that allowed Dick to act immature even in the face of gravely serious and dark issues, because quite frankly, Dick cracking puns even while they were face to face with a life-threatening danger is probably a healthier coping mechanism than any Bruce had at the same age, at least in Bruce’s eyes if nothing else.

But my point is, Dick’s youthful optimism and cheeriness even in the darkest parts of growing up Robin in Gotham City….none of that existed because Dick was truly childish and immature as befitted his actual age, thanks to Bruce taking him in and guiding him to turn out better than he did or whatever that line of thought might look like…..rather, it existed because Dick made the willful and deliberate choice to act as much the child as he could for as long as he could…..and I think that in the early years when things were really good between them and they were largely on the same page, Bruce recognized this choice for what it was, this defiance to the cards life had dealt Dick, and he encouraged and defended Dick’s ability to make this choice and act this way.

But you can’t see the kind of things all the Robins saw and actually be as immature and goofy as Dick acted as Robin, untouched by all of that. Dick was right there in the thick of it all along. How can you avoid being touched by Gotham’s darkness, seeing Gotham’s darkness, when you’re punching it right in the face, you know? You can’t. But what you can do, if you choose to, and which is what Dick chose to do….is not give it the satisfaction of knowing it touched you. The real testament of how mature Dick was or not as a young crime-fighting Robin, how aware he was or not of the grim realities of life, was not in how he acted when face to face with villains and criminals, but rather, how he acted when face to face with their victims. THAT’S where the reality of Dick’s maturity shined through, even LONG before he met Barbara in any canon.

Which is how this tangent brings us back to topic, lol….a schoolboy crush being the explanation for some of Dick’s earlier pettiness with Barbara and their rivalry at times, like, just doesn’t track with Dick’s actual maturity, IMO. The actual more likely explanation as I see it is that Dick did genuinely clash with her at times, in the very early years, that his initial attitudes were a confused mish-mash of feeling threatened by her and her possibly getting between him and Bruce, the partnership that was in all but name his unique form of father-son bonding time….but also at the same time still being Dick Grayson and feeling compelled to do the right thing and respect and thus defend her being given the same chance and training he’d been given, to do what they both felt needed doing, that they were driven to do.

So I don’t think he and Babs were instant friends, and I don’t think she was his instant crush….I think it was slowburn with her, he gradually grew to develop feelings for her over time, as his respect for her mind and capabilities grew to outweigh whatever conflicting emotions he felt about her being around, and then eventually blossomed into actual love.

Then in contrast, you have Kory. And I think Dick was instantly attracted to her from the get-go, and their relationship was the very epitome of intense passionate romance and all the ups and downs that go along with it, as befits too of the most primal and passionate people in the DC universe. Dick was drawn to her pretty much from day one, and Kory was as well, and it wasn’t an opposites attract thing so much as two beings resonating on the same wavelength, even if at times from different parts of the same spectrum.

Because here’s the thing about Dick that I think links the two kinds of relationships and makes them both fitting for him…..he is very much a creature of instincts. He goes with his gut, he responds to things on an automatic and visceral level. But at the same time, the other truth about Dick is that his mind is no less exceptional than anyone else’s in the Batfamily, and his instincts are guided by a hell of a lot more intellect and processing power than most peoples’ are. He’s been trained from the time he could walk, even long before he met Bruce, to have exceptional situational awareness, to adapt to changes in his environment and predicaments with a moment’s notice, to take in every possible relevant detail at a glance when the stakes are literally those of leaping off a high trapeze. Dick trusts his instincts, because Dick’s instincts are exceptional, and with reason.

And this applies to every part of his life, not just the superhero parts. So when Dick feels drawn to someone like Kory, I think he trusts his gut and goes with it….he might not necessarily even know yet on a conscious level why he’s attracted to them and they’re someone he could really fall for and have a relationship with, he just knows that he does feel that way, and trusts that its for a reason. And then at the same time, with someone like Barbara, he likely had those same instincts about her, leading to the times he defends her to Bruce even though he might have clashed with her just minutes before, but he knows there’s a reason for him to do that, act that way, even if it takes much longer for that to transition from a mere possibility of actual compatibility to conscious feelings of actual attraction and love.

Its all instinct to him either way….but the person he’s instinctively reacting to has the definitive role in whether or not its slowburn or instant passionate attraction….because the other deep truth about him that I feel is relevant here is that Dick feeds off other people, their energy, what they show him and give him to work with….and his instinct is usually to meet them in kind, give the same energy back, unless say, he makes the conscious decision to override his instincts and power through an antagonistic reception and try and forge a positive bond, like with building his sibling dynamic and mentorship of Damian.

But in regards to his romances, as I said, I think the same instincts might be in play with both Barbara and Kory, but it played out very differently because Babs wasn’t initially drawn to him, not in that way at least. She wasn’t putting forth a romantic energy, and so it took awhile for Dick’s own romantic feelings to emerge and for them to finally be reciprocated in time. In contrast, it was hot and fiery from day one with Kory, because Kory was drawn to him from day one as much as Dick was to her, so there was nothing to slow down or stop those instincts from transforming into attraction and romantic feelings from the second he felt them.

As to the rest of your ask, lololol, sorry to be a cop out, but I don’t think there is a specific physical draw for Dick. I’ve always headcanoned him as bi, which is a bit of projection on my part, sure, but also I just genuinely don’t think gender or even physicality at all has anything to do with what draws to a person, or makes him attracted to them. Yeah, sure, I think he absolutely has physical attributes he loves and might put forth as their best attribute for any partner he’s with, but I think its different with each person because Dick is all about individuality….not just with himself and his own independence, but just….people aren’t interchangeable for him. At any level, I think.

Every person who’s important to him is uniquely distinct in his mind, and I think with his romantic partners, this results in him liking something distinct about them physically, that separates them in his mind from any other partners he’s had. Because I don’t think its physical appearance that’s Dick’s primary source of attraction with his partners….he’s attracted to them first, and then he settles on something physical that’s uniquely attractive to him as well, that’s different in his mind from anyone else.

Because I think the thing that draws Dick to people in all forms of his relationships, but is particularly true and evident in his romantic partners…..is Dick is both drawn and attracted to competence, skill, power, intellect….all the things that make someone hardy. Durable. A survivor in the context of the world of superheroics that he lives in, specifically.

He’s drawn to people he feels he’s less likely to lose. And he’s attracted to people that this is equally true of, and even moreso, to the degree where he doesn’t feel any need to protect them….not because he doesn’t want to, but because it isn’t relevant. He feels and trusts that they’re more than capable of protecting themselves just as well if not better than he ever could.

And he knows better than anyone that nothing’s a guarantee, and even as he surrounds himself with family and friends and romantic partners that all have in common the fact that they’re incredibly skilled, capable and powerful…enduring…..he still knows that doesn’t mean he can’t lose them, that he won’t lose them. And thus IMO they all wind up in distinct categories in his mind.

His family, he’d kill for. His friends, he’d die for. And his romantic partners, the thing that makes him attracted to them, rather than just drawn to them, are those that he has no doubt would kick his ass for ever presuming to do either of those things for them, because they’re more than capable of taking care of themselves, thanks ever so much. He’s attracted to people he feels safe around, in the sense that he’s not always on guard, always worried about losing them, because he trusts in their ability to endure, survive, and thrive. And that he also can relax around, in the sense that he’s not always feeling like its on him to protect them, defend them, that he has to be always to be on guard or watching out for…because its not his job to protect them and it doesn’t have to be, because there’s nothing he can do for them that they can’t do for themselves and wouldn’t prefer to be left to them. And thus with them he can just…be.

Dick Grayson IMO is attracted to one type of person and one type only: his equals in body, mind and spirit. The ones he can stand beside and not feel dwarfed by or lost in their shadow, and at the same time never have to look back to make sure they’re following him because he knows they’re right there next to him keeping up. He’s attracted to those who challenge him, intellectually, emotionally, that he respects on every level, but who respect him on every level too…..with this part being especially key, and the problem he’s had in his canon relationships - they ONLY fall apart on his end of things, make him lose faith in the relationship, when he feels disrespected, that they’re not valuing him or his capabilities or contributions.

Dick KNOWS his own worth, which is why he’s such a unique blend of confidence and insecurity….he can weather a whole society of people looking down on him because he knows their opinion doesn’t mean shit to him, but still be stricken with insecurity when he feels someone whose opinion he DOES value, like a romantic partner, family or friend, seems to question his worth or what he’s capable of.

Dick and Kory are my preferred canon relationship because when they’re ALLOWED to work without editorial mandate to break them up or keep them apart, they embody this most fully for me. Because Kory is massively more powerful than Dick, but never regarded Dick as anything other than her equal in the field in spite of that. There was no question that they both regarded each other as fellow warrior spirits that they trusted to have their back in battle above all others. Kory and Dick work so well for me, because with everything else I said kept in mind, they SHOULDN’T work, not as total equals, and yet they DO. There SHOULD be a power imbalance there, and yet there never was. Not one that was felt, anyway, and not one that was ever in any way responsible for any of their romantic problems. Their issues were disagreements born of competing ideologies….but that both felt equally strongly about. Or issues of trust but only that were externally imposed by brainwashing and shapeshifting and bad shitty writing and editorial mandate that I’ll be ranting about on my deathbed.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyway, enough rhapsodizing about Dick and Kory, lol, like that’s anything new. I mean, I could insert rhapsodizing about the potential for Dick and Kyle based on all of the above and other reasons, but that’s nothing new either. And also, whoops, this got super fucking long.

OH UNKNOWABLE UNIVERSE, WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN SUCH A THING.

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takadasaiko · 5 years ago

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Second Chances Chapter Nineteen

FFN II AO3

Summary: The Avengers go after Stane, Howard struggles to find a way to tell Tony what he overheard, and the Stark household gets an unwelcome surprise.

Chapter Nineteen

It was far too early for as late as they had all gone to bed the night before. Not that she had gotten any sleep. Tony had tossed and turned, and even when he dozed she could hear him mumbling in his sleep, his mind still running a million miles a minute even as his body attempted to rest. Nothing worked to help calm him down, and around five-thirty she had felt him slide out of bed. Half an hour later she gave up too.

Pepper found her husband downstairs with a cup of coffee that he clearly didn't need and he had an earpiece in his ear. Cap, he mouthed when she caught his attention and she moved to the kettle to start boiling water for tea. Her gaze remained focused on it as she listened to Tony's hushed conversation. Surveillance had shown Stane entering the building, and from the sound of it Steve, Peggy, and whoever else was involved in the decision making were planning to slip into the building. A glance over confirmed that Tony had a tablet open and blueprints that he probably shouldn't have access to displayed. "I have FRIDAY finding the best entry point, but just eyeballing the security, I should be able to override the alarms for…. sixty seconds, maybe, before tripping the secondary systems." There was a brief pause. "Might be able to push it to ninety. Anything else and we'd need override codes. You want to move now that's what I got for you."

Pepper glanced over at the sound of the guest bedroom door opening around the corner and Howard shuffled his way in. He looked like he'd gotten about as much sleep as they had. Maybe less.

The dark haired man ghosted over to the coffee pot and poured a mug of his own before he seemed to notice that he was sharing the kitchen with two other people. He blinked owlishly, gaze drifting to where Tony had started pacing, his voice taking on that agitated tone he got when he felt like he was having to dumbdown his process. After all these years he and Steve still hadn't quite found middle ground when discussing the more technical aspects of a mission.

"Hey, you got a sec?" Howard asked in a hushed whisper.

Pepper nodded, reaching over to pour the water from the kettle into her mug and she followed him into the living room. She took a seating the couch, but he didn't immediately follow. Instead he moved nervously, glancing back as if to make sure Tony was still distracted. When he seemed to be satisfied by Tony's frustrated remarks into phone, he joined her on the couch and leaned in, his voice still hushed. "I need your, uh…. advice on something."

Pepper quirked a ginger eyebrow at that. This wasn't going to go well. "Shoot." He stared at her like he had no idea what she meant by that and she motioned for him to continue.

Howard took a long drink from his coffee mug, and when he lowered it, his gaze only darting to meet hers for the briefest moment. "I, uh…. couldn't sleep a wink last night. Kept tossin' and turnin' and trying to find a way to uh….." He sniffed, his mustache twitching a little as he did. "I'm not great at this."

"At what?" Pepper prompted as gently as she could.

"Asking for help."

The corners of her lips tugged upward a little. "Tony has trouble with that too."

"So I've noticed."

"Sometimes it's better just to jump right in."

"Right," he breathed. "Right…. IknowaboutObie."

With the way he ran the sentence together, it took half a beat for Pepper to put together exactly what he had said. That's when the dread hit.

"Obadiah Stane," he clarified, voice still hushed. "I know Tony preferred I didn't, but I wasn't gonna be much help if —"

"He did more than prefer," she said quietly, her voice firm.

Howard looked like he was quickly reassessing his expectations. "I didn't know," he finally murmured.

"That was the point."

"But now that I do, I can't just not do anything about it."

"Exactly the reason Tony worked so hard to keep you in the dark on it."

The dark haired man pushed a frustrated breath out through his nose, brown eyes meeting her own blue. "Look me in the eye, Pepper. Look me in the eye and tell me if you could make it so he didn't have to go through all that that you wouldn't."

She swallowed her immediate response and pulled in a breath that did very little to actually ease the tension that was building in her chest. It did give her just a moment to find the right words though. "It's not my call to make," she said softly. "I love him, but I also know him. I know how, if it's his to carry or not, he'll take on as much responsibility as he can manage and then add some more on top of it. I know that if he thought for even an instant that there was a universe out there where Thanos won, he'd never be able to forgive himself."

"Timelines find new ways to correct themselves."

"Maybe, sometimes, but then other times there are constants, aren't there?" She waited and he gave a stiff, reluctant nod. "If he's the only one that could have beaten Thanos in the end or just the only one in those set of circumstances, we'll never know for sure, but Tony will convince himself that it's all on him. He won't mean to, but he will. It's his choice to make, not mine and not yours, no matter what we know."

She waited a long moment and watched him work through it. He hadn't known Tony long, but she'd bet he had seen enough that he knew she was right. Finally, he loosed a long breath. "It's my fault. Only reason Obie would ever be in his life would be because of me. How can I live with that?"

"By knowing it's his choice."

He nodded slowly, running a hand through his hair. "Tell me it's not what breaks us," he whispered, and Pepper reached forward, her fingers touching one slightly trembling hand that was clutching his coffee mug like his life depended on it.

"You two had a lot of issues, but Obadiah wasn't one of them. He never blamed you for that."

"Okay," he breathed. "Okay. So I guess I shouldn't tell him I know, huh?"

"Oh no. You're telling him," Pepper answered, sipping at her tea and trying not to feel a little smug at the way Howard balked at the statement.

"You just said -"

"I did, but you told me and Tony and I don't keep secrets. With everything we face, it wouldn't work if we did. We have to be able to trust each other completely, so I'm not keeping this from him. That said, it'd be better coming from you. Just… wait until after whatever happens today happens."

"Guess I shouldn't distract him, huh?"

"Not if you don't want this to be harder than it already is."

Howard nodded, standing from his seat. He turned and tried for a smile that he almost managed. "Thanks."

"I'd say anytime, but if you ever put me in that position again…"

"No, I mean…. For everything that you've done for him. He'll be okay. No matter what, my kid's gonna be okay because he'll have you."

That pulled a real smile from her as she watched him turn, sauntering back off to the kitchen where it sounded like Tony was ending his call.

_________________

Security was tighter than they had anticipated. He could still get them in without a problem - that had never been in question - but Stane's team had hidden the motion sensors and security cameras behind a different firewall. Something that wouldn't have been a problem at all if Tony could have been onsite. As it stood, he had to use his small window to get a smaller-than-planned team in to put a piece of tech that he'd designed himself in place to boost the signal. Once it was there, they wouldn't be able to keep him out. It was the putting it in place that was quickly becoming problematic.

"Remind me again why our resident tech genius can't just hack his way in and get remote access?"

Tony massaged the bridge of his nose, desperately trying to will away the migraine that threatened. It was like Barton was trying to remind him why, somehow, the kid had been the sensible choice to send in with his tech. Cap and Peggy were obvious no-goes, even with Peggy's proven ability to pick up on the technological advancements, neither of them were on par with what was needed here. Same with Barnes. Wilson had been a brief consideration. He was a quick study, but in the runthrough Tony had given them before they'd left their new base of operations, Sam had opted out of being responsible for it. He couldn't follow Tony's explanation while things weren't exploding around them. Rhodey would have been a good choice. While he wasn't necessarily design-minded, between his training and his long-standing friendship with Tony he had a good handle on intricate tech. He was, however, a stubborn bastard that hadn't let Tony upgrade the War Machine armor with nanotech, meaning that unless he wanted to leave his suit hidden outside the building and hope it got to him in time if things went south, he wasn't a viable option either. He wasn't exactly subtle when suited up. And while Tony was relatively sure that Clint followed more than he let on in a tech debrief… they couldn't risk him frying the delicate piece of equipment because he was too busy popping off to listen.

So that left Pete. In the fray of things with limited backup. Fantastic.

"Because I need the signal boosted to be able to gain access," Tony forced out through gritted teeth. "I need you watching Parker's back, Barton."

"Yeah yeah yeah. We got it. Don't we, kid?"

"Oh yeah, Mr Stark! Tony. Sir. We're good! Almost there!"

"I can hear you, kid. Maybe keep your voice down so every security guard in the building can't?"

"Oh. Right. Okay, we're here."

"Good. Remember what I told you?"

"Every word."

"That's my boy," Tony breathed out and let his gaze wander past his monitors. The only other soul in the room was Howard, who was hunkered down and seemingly focused on the 3D display of the building's blueprints. He'd been discussing strategy with Cap and Peggy - the three of them in their element, even if in a different setting than they'd worked together all those years before - but he'd long since gone quiet. Now it was almost like he was doing everything in his power to look busy. He'd been that way since they'd left the house that morning. With so much riding on the mission, Tony hadn't thought too hard about it, but in the high-tension lull that would have been filled with chattering any other time, Howard's silence was deafening and it was making his son even more edgy.

Tony tapped the mute button on his mic so that he could still hear Peter if he needed a refresher, but none of the team could hear him. "I swear, if Barton gets that kid hurt -"

"Parker's smart. He'll be fine." Howard didn't even look at him as he spoke and Tony thought he hadn't heard him sound quite as much like his father since he'd arrived in 2024. His tone wasn't comforting. It was like he was being brushed off.

"You good?"

That finally pulled Howard's attention towards him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Don't know. You've been quiet since we left the house this morning. Seem pissed."

"Just focused," he answered as he turned back to the blueprint.

"Mr Stark? I've got it linked up. What now?" Peter's voice echoed through.

It took half a beat longer than it should have for Tony to pull himself out of one conversation - or lack thereof - and to unmute his mic for another one. "All the wires in place?"

"They fit perfectly, Mr Stark."

"'Course they did, kid. I designed it. Light 'er up."

It only took a moment for his screens to respond, but as soon as they did Howard was on his feet and coming to take a look. Okay. So that interested him. Tony shoved down an old and familiar hurt that he didn't have time for. Instead he focused on the data and what he needed to do to own it.

Fingers flew over a digital keyboard as he countered the codes created to keep him out. They weren't a match for him, and a small, lopsided smirk tilted his lips as he won the brief battle. "Got ya. Look alive, kids. Sending the schematics your way. I've got eyes, so time to work for a living."

"Says the man on the other end of the comms," Barton answered, his tone light.

"Says the man that's gonna get you out alive," he answered, grinning as he flew through the video feeds. "Okay. So here's how the plan's about to change…"

_________________

Once Tony was in Stane's systems, they were in. The element of surprise might only last so long, but that didn't matter when the tech genius had the ability to lock off sections of the building, effectively trapping guards and making it difficult for Stane's people to really respond.

The team moved relatively smoothly through the building and Steve could hear some of the light bickering over the comms - Bucky and Sam, Rhodey and Tony, and at one point someone popped off about the play by play Parker was giving - and he felt a small smile tug into place as he sent his shield flying to knock a gun trained on him off its mark.

"Are they always like this?"

He glanced over as Peggy straightened from checking her downed guard. "If the team's working, yes."

She echoed his smile. "It's a good team," she murmured, and he couldn't help feeling like there was more. Any hopes of finding what that might be were put on hold as Tony's voice echoed in his ear.

"I've got eyes on our baddie, Cap. Heading up to the roof to a helipad and he's moving fast."

"Sam and Rhodey?" Steve asked, already taking off up the stairs with Peggy behind him. If he didn't make it in time they needed someone that could get airborne.

"They've got their hands full, but as soon as they're freed up we'll send you some back up," Howard's voice joined in.

Okay. Then it was on him. He'd been in tighter spots before.

The super soldier burst through the door leading to the roof, seeing a chopper touching down. A tall man looked back at him, and while the scars that lined his face made him difficult to recognize from the pre-Iron Monger photos that SHIELD had kept, he knew it had to be Stane.

"I got him!" Peter Parker hollered out, and fraction of a second later Steve realized he hadn't heard him over comms. The kid dodged a shot at him, plugging up a weapon with his webbing, before a shock of energy sent him sprawling across the rooftop.

"Go," Peggy ordered and he nodded as they split ways - her towards the teen and Steve to do everything he could to stop the chopper from taking off. He threw his shield at the rotor blades, but another shot from their enhanced weapon sent it flying off course.

Stane was being ushered in and the chopper lifted back up off the ground. If they lost him here it could be some time before they found him again. He couldn't risk it.

His boot was firm against the concrete as he used the short wall circling the roof to launch himself off of, gloves hands catching the landing skids and using his momentum to swing up, legs wrapped around the skid as he climbed up.

The door opened above and he barely missed the energy blast aimed right at him, the weapon recharging for another shot. He moved fast, but not fast enough. The second shot clipped him hard in the shoulder and he felt his grip loosen and slip. The chopper rushed one way as he fell another, barreling straight at the street below.

He didn't hit though. He felt a hand catch hold of him, the familiar sound of a suit's propulsion rockets replacing the rush of air around him, and James Rhodes adjusted his grip. "I got ya, Cap," War Machine said as they started a much more controlled descent down.

They landed and Steve's knees buckled, hand going to his injured shoulder as a soft curse escaped him.

"Rhodey, you get him?" Tony's voice - more than a little worried sounding, but he imagined the other man would deny it if anyone mentioned it - sounded over the comms. "Cap?"

"I'm fine," he assured him. "The kid?"

"Shaking it off like a champ," Peggy answered.

Steve loosed a breath. At least there was that. "I lost him. Iron Monger. Tony, I'm—"

"We'll get him," his friend answered, sounding like some of the stress was dissipating from his voice. "Let's regroup and see what we've got."

_________________

Captain Steve Rogers. Stane had heard somewhere along the way that Howard's old friend had finally been found and had made himself a pain in everybody's ass, no matter which side you leaned towards. The super soldier had led a team after him, compromising his hideout that he should never have been able to find. He had to have a source. Someone inside the organization that Stane had been putting together this past year. It was the only way he had found it so quickly. The only way he could have gotten the override codes for their security.

"Sir?" one of his men called over the noise of the rotor blades. He handed Stane a tablet. "Our hacker in Newark thinks he found our security problem."

Stane waved him off. "Take care of it. Whoever the leak is, I want them dead within the hour."

"It's not anyone from out side. It's another hacker. Even Marty couldn't get anywhere near him to get an idea who he was."

That caught his attention and he jerked the tablet out of the other man's hands, dark blue eyes scanning the information sent over a newly secured link. "That little shit."

"He's been trying, but —"

"It was Tony Stark."

"Okay…. we can —"

"Find him. Quietly. I gave him a chance to stay out of this and he dove straight in. It's time to make that little prick regret it."

_________________

It was like being slowly crushed to death. He could feel the weight pressing down on his chest to the point that he wondered if he should have Tony's AI system give him a once over. But then Howard would have to admit why he felt that way and that just wasn't a good option with everyone out staring danger in the face. He just had to keep it together until they were safe. That was the plan. It was a good plan when they had thought they'd be able to bring Stane in on the first try.

Howard had to play dumb when Tony and Steve had booted him out, even as Peggy pushed for the latter to get a pro to look after his shoulder. There wasn't much of a point. He'd be healed up like he'd never taken a hit at all by morning. They talked back in a private room, the other Avengers with them, for what felt like hours. It wasn't. He knew it wasn't, but when all he had to think about was should he or shouldn't he tell Tony that he'd snooped and gotten ahold of the one piece of information that he'd been so desperate to keep from him, it felt like eternity. He wasn't sure that he could sit through an entire car trip back to the cabin that night with him without slipping. It had been everything he could do to hold it together all day, and even that had been done mostly by just… not talking directly to him. This whole thing would be so much easier if he could just pretend he'd never heard anything. He was a good liar. If Pepper didn't know about it, he could have gotten away with it.

But she did and so he couldn't, and damn it all he was regretting more life choices than he was comfortable with at the moment.

"C'mon, we're heading out," Tony's voice cut through his swirling thoughts as he strode by, patting his shoulder as he passed him.

Howard swallowed hard, steeling himself. Okay. He could do this. They were done for the night and maybe he should just come out with it. The last thing he wanted was for them to get back and Pepper toss it out into the open like a grenade.

He waited, jaw clenched tightly as he looked for the right moment where he was pretty sure Tony wouldn't just pull over and toss him out of the car. Not in town where he could get over to Steve's place for the night, but not so close to the cabin that his son would decide he needed to work on his directional skills and just dump him to find his way back if he could. No, this had to be planned just right.

"So you gonna tell me or what?"

They were just barely out of the city. Not good. It was going to be a long walk back to Brooklyn. "Tell you what?" he managed, hoping Tom wasn't toying with him. He could have talking to his wife, already had the whole story.

"What I did to piss you off."

Or maybe not. "I told you, I'm not —"

"Listen, you can bullshit anybody else you want, but the Howard Stark cold shoulder was a staple of my childhood. I know it well, and there was always something that started it off. Even if it was just, you know, existing. Unless you decided to hate me for no reason overnight, I'm guessing something set you off now."

"I'd never hate you," Howard managed, the knot in his chest only growing. If it got any bigger it was going to cut off his airway.

Tony snorted. "You say that now." He glanced over from the driver's seat as they sped along down the road towards the cabin and Howard drew a deep breath. He had to trust him. Trust him to get it. Trust him to be capable of taking a few steps in his shoes. His lips parted as Tony gave up, turning back to the road. "Fine. Don't tell me. I just thought you would —"

"Stane."

The car swerved dangerously as Tony slammed his foot against the break. Tires squealed and skidded and Howard thought he might know real fear as Tony turned to look at him, the rage sudden and palpable in the air. When he spoke his voice was low and dangerous. "What'd you say?"

He swallowed hard. "Obadiah Stane."

"You son of a bitch."

"Tony, I pieced it together —"

"What did I say about bullshitting me?" the other man snarled. "I'm not an idiot."

"Neither am I!" Howard snapped back. "You've been sidelining me on this, but I knew I could help you."

"And there it is. Are you seriously that arrogant? You are. Of course you are. You always thought it was your way or nothing else. I should have known you wouldn't do the one thing I asked you to do. Because you're smarter than me, right? Better? You can —"

"You want me to drop the bullshit, you first." That stopped him and Howard pushed a sharp breath out through his nose. "I get you're pissed. Maybe you got a right to be, maybe not. All I know is I'm doing the best I can to help you and you're tying my hands!"

"I'm trying to keep your timeline intact!"

"I know, and I'm gonna —"

"What are you gonna do, Howard? Ignore it? When Stane comes waltzing in you're just gonna put on your best smile and let it all play out?" Tony held his gaze for a long moment before turning to throw the car back into gear. "Thought so."

"What'dya want me to say?"

"There's nothing to say."

He opened his mouth to argue and Tony cut him off. "Whatever it is, keep it to yourself."

Howard slumped back against the passenger's seat, lips twitching down into a deep frown. He'd always been good at knowing what to say to get people to do what he wanted, but not with Tony. No, the kid had his number. He just didn't seem to care whyhe'd done it. He wanted him safe. Was that so bad? Was it so terrible that Tony'd be willing to spend what little time they had left hating him? If his reaction was anything to go by, apparently it was.

_________________

Tony was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. He'd spent the majority of the day feeling like that six-year-old little boy that had been so desperate to get his father to pay attention to him all over again and at a loss as to what he'd done to be so thoroughly ignored. It wasn't actually what he'd done, he knew now. It was what Howard had done. That self-centered, arrogant bastard had done enough damage by hopping to the future to begin with, but he couldn't just accept this one thing Tony been firm on. It was enough to make him want to take a swing at him, and if he'd said one more word on the trip home Tony was about sure he would have pulled the car over and done just that.

"Listen," Howard said just as Tony thought maybe they'd make it inside without another fight erupting. "I know you think you've got this all figured out, but you don't know me like you think you do. If I say I'm not gonna let what I know change your future with Stane -"

"You didn't actually say that," Tony growled in response. "And if you did, it wouldn't matter. I doknow you."

Howard squared his shoulders. "I'm not the man that raised you. I'm not gonna be him."

"You will," Tony answered, "because that's who you are. Selfish, self righteous, and convinced you know better than everyone else, especially me. Guess I should thank you for making me see it."

"Tony…."

"Go to bed, Howard." He turned, refusing to look at him any longer. Refused to speak to him any more. If he was going to be any use to anyone else, he needed sleep. Arguing with Howard Stark had been and always would be an exercise in futility.

Tony trudged up the stairs, forcing one foot in front of the other. He saw the light on in his and Pepper's room and turned to the right instead to Morgan's. The little girl was actually asleep when he slipped into her room. She stirred only a little as he bent over, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Love you tons," he whispered.

"Three thousand," she mumbled back, never fully waking up, and he felt a warmth replace the exhausted rage that had threatened to pull him under downstairs. He straightened, lingering just a moment to watch her settle back into a deeper sleep, and he knew if he didn't slip out right then that he'd sit himself down in the rocking chair and be asleep before he could stop himself.

Pepper was stretched out on their bed, book laid out in front of her and she was dressed for bed. "Hey," she greeted, not looking back at him.

"Hey."

She put a bookmark into place and closed it before sliding off the bed to cross the space between them. His wife didn't say a word as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He sank into the embrace, his own arms around her and his nose buried in the crook of her neck. A sigh escaped him.

"Everybody okay?" she asked softly.

"Mostly. Cap took a hit, but you know how he bounces back. Pete too, which could have been a lot worse than it turned out. It just knocked him for a loop."

"Did you get Obadiah?"

"No." Her hands moved to his hair, smoothing strands back in a soothing fashion that had him leaning even harder into her. "Gonna put me to sleep," he chuckled.

She hummed softly in response. The woman knew exactly what she was doing. "You okay?"

"I wasn't anywhere near the action, Pep. Safe and sound behind my computer."

She pulled back and her blue gaze held his own darker one. "That's not what I mean."

Tony cringed a little, nodding towards downstairs. "You heard that?"

"Yep."

He pulled in a breath and started for the bed. Her hand drifted down his arm as he did, landing in his hand and she followed him, sitting next to him at the edge. "He knew about Stane. I don't really know how… he said he pieced it together, but he overheard something. He's just so…." Tony swallowed the building rant and looked back to his wife who was listening patiently. "You don't look surprised." He blinked hard. "You knew. Why didn't you say anything?"

Pepper sighed, not willing to release his hand just yet. "Because it was better coming from him."

Tony stood at that, pulling free and for the first time since he'd walked into their room he saw confusion flicker across her expression. "And what if he'd just kept it to himself? Were you going to tell me?"

The confusion evened out to a knowing look and she stood slowly, reaching for him. He pulled back ever so slightly, the movement reflex as he battled the rising panic he couldn't quite place, much less control. "Hey," she said softly, stepping forward and her touch was gentle but firm as she pressed her fingers against the side of his face and guided him to look at her. "I understand that you're going through a lot. Howard, Obadiah… It's a lot, but I am always on your side. You know that."

He struggled to keep his breathing even and her free hand moved to rest against his chest, palm pressed against the reactor. "Breathe, Tony."

He nodded, the motion jerky and uneven, but he leaned in when she did and focused on her as their foreheads touched. The feel of her hand, the sound of her own breathing, and her very presence. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I trust you. I do."

"I know you do." She squeezed his hand and he let his eyes drift open to meet hers. He found her searching his gaze, like she was trying to gauge her next statement very carefully. "It's amazing what we're willing to do for the people we love."

"Please don't try to rationalize what he did."

"How far would you go if it was Morgan?"

"That's not fair."

"Why not?"

He didn't have an answer for that and he hated it. At least the smile she gave him was soft, and so was the kiss she pressed against his lips. He felt her leading him back towards the bed, but he pulled back suddenly. "He's not him, is he?"

"Not yet. He has a chance to be better."

"I shouldn't have said what I did."

"And you can apologize in the morning. Tonight, let's get some sleep."

Tony nodded, leaning down to steal another kiss before turning to get ready for bed.

_________________

"Daddy?"

The single word cut through layers of sleep and Tony jumped a little at the small finger that poked at his cheek, waking him. He reached up, rubbing hard at his eyes. "Hey, little miss. What are you doing up?"

"He said." She crawled onto the bed with him and Tony's brows drew together as he struggled to sit up. He glanced past her at the clock. 4:45 in the morning.

"Tony, what's wrong?" Pepper mumbled, the movement and their voices finally waking her.

"I don't know. Who said, baby? Howard?"

She wrapped her small arms around him. "The mean man in the kitchen."

"Honey, did you have a nightmare? FRIDAY, lights up to thirty percent." The instruction hung in the air with no response from his AI. Pepper reached over to the lamp next to her side of the bed and light flooded the room.

Morgan pulled back a little at that and her eyes were rimmed red. "No. The mean man."

Something about this wasn't setting right with him. "What'd he say?"

"He said come upstairs and tell you or… or he'd hurt Howard. He was really mean, Daddy. I don't like him."

"Tony." Pepper's voice was deadly serious from her place next to him and Tony pressed a kiss to their daughter's forehead.

"Hey, you. I'm going to go check for him, okay? Can you keep your mom safe?" He waited for Morgan to nod before shifting her off his lap. "That's my girl."

He threw the covers off and felt Pepper's fingers wrap around his wrist, her expression carefully masked so that she wouldn't scare Morgan any more than she already was. They both knew what could be waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. Howard was down there, though, and if he was in danger he couldn't just leave him.

Tony moved to the dresser and punched a code into a locked drawer. It opened and he pulled what looked like a watch from it, fitting it over his hand and locking the piece of tech into place. He didn't dare go into what could turn into a fight for his life without something.

"Be careful," Pepper said quietly from the bed, holding onto Morgan.

"You too. Be right back."

Locking the door behind him wouldn't do much good if they'd already made it into their home. Pepper would just have to get creative if they needed to get out. He had every faith in her that she could and would.

He made his way down the stairs and towards the light in the kitchen. Armed men stood waiting for him and Howard was on his knees between them. He looked back around, the beginning of a black eye showing. "Tony," he breathed. "I'm so sorry. Is Morgan -?"

"She's fine. You okay?" He gave a nod and Tony looked to where Obadiah Stane stood with a bottle of his nice scotch and a glass in hand like he was a welcomed guest. He looked him over, taking in the scars that the explosion had left him with. It should have killed him. They had told him that it had killed him. Just another lie someone had told. "Obadiah."

"Tony." The way the older man said his name sent an old chill through him and he couldn't help but feel like he was on display. "Look at you. Busy as always. I'll admit that this threw me." He motioned at Howard. "Time travel. You outdid yourself. Again. Granted, I wouldn't have thought Howard Stark would be the one you went to. Maria, maybe, but I guess you always did have daddy issues, didn't you, m'boy?"

"What do you want, Stane?"

Stane flashed a smile. "Right now? An exchange. You hand over whatever piece of tech you have hidden away to finish the job you failed at sixteen years ago and we go have a chat."

"What do I get out of this?"

His former mentor lifted a gun and pressed it against Howard's temple. "I don't blow your dear old dad's brains out."

"Obie," Howard managed, his tone pleading. "You and me, we were friends."

"Once. Well, a version of you. The Howard I knew died years ago. Opened up a lot of opportunities for me. I plan to take full advantage of the ones Tony here can present." Dark blue eyes turned on Tony. "You for your family."

"Okay."

"Tony -" Howard called out, starting to his feet. The man closest to him whipped him across the face hard, sending him sprawling across the kitchen floor.

"I said okay!" Tony snapped. "Don't touch him. Don't touch any of them."

Stane reached a hand out and Tony knew what he was looking for. He unfastened the watch and held it out to him. The older man smirked. "You always were a smart boy. C'mon. We've got a lot to talk about."

He wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulders and pulled him along like he used before Tony had found out who he was. A liar, a thief, and a murderer that was determined to show him who was in charge of the situation that he found himself in. Tony swallowed the urge to fight him. Until they were far away from the people that he loved, he couldn't risk fighting him. He didn't dare.

_________________

TBC

Notes: I wrapped up the writing on this chapter and thought 'huh, that's a long one. It might be 5K'. It's actually 6.2K after edits, but I just didn't have a good place to split it, so here you go. A monstrous sized chapter of action and kick to the feels. Everyone just really needs a hug after this. Except for Obie. Obie needs a kick to the teeth.

#Endgame fix it fic #Tony Stark #Steve Rogers #Pepper Potts #Howard Stark #Peter Parker #Peggy Carter #James Rhodes #Clint Barton

4 notes · View notes

lachalaine · 8 years ago

Note

7, 11 and 14 !!

questions left unanswered // for lady j

List three honestflaws your favorite character has and talk about how those flaws make themproblematic.

Jackieee is my favorite character so of course I’m gonnawrite a whole essay on her, yay!

Okay, so obviously she has – a lot. Well, okay, maybe notnecessarily too many – but the ones she does have actively override her goodqualities at times so what it lacks in numbers, it more than makes up it for interms of how honestly bad she can get if she isn’t careful. Three of thoseflaws would be her recklessness, penchant for self-hatred, and tendency to besomewhat of a flight risk.

Recklessness // Obviously, the girl is ruled by her emotionsand has a volatile temper. She doesn’t think things through sometimes, anddepending on how badly you’ve affected her – she will either resort straight toviolence, or will end up doing something terribly stupid. She speaks withoutthinking, can’t explain her shit right because she’s always going off on what shefeels and translates that into actionwhen words are the most straightforward method to resolving an issue. When shecan’t explain it, she gets frustrated – because then she feels stupid. It’sthere – on the tip of her tongue, and yet she just can’t seem to get the rightwords out. When the other party misunderstands, it only amps up her stresslevels and makes her more desperate, which makes her emotions more intense.Which generally means things get worse. And even when it might be a life anddeath situation, she tends to go off on what she feels is ‘right’. Not smart. ‘Right’.She goes by her gut instinct, and she tends to put everything on the linewithout regard to her own safety, tends to sacrifice her entire being – if onlyto make sure she gets the job done – by any means necessary.

Self-Hate // as stated before – Jackie is actually rathersensitive to her mistakes. Any criticism against her – she doesn’t takelightly. She absorbs it, like a sponge, tries to deal with it at the time andtries to make things right. Regardless if at the end, it came out to be good ornot – that negativity doesn’t leave her. She hides it away for when she’salone, for when she can examine it better. For when it can affect her to itsworst degree, telling no one as she tears her self-worth apart bit by bit,until she’s in the darkest place of her mind that she has yet to let anyonereally see. It escapes her sometimes – in tears and short bursts of a tantrum –but the sheer magnitude of it is enough to break her, and the fact that shedoesn’t trust herself to tell anyone about any of it only makes things worse.She hates her flaws, and she hates the fact that she doesn’t know how to fixany of it. She hates her past, and she hates that she’s so easily manipulated –hates that she knows she’s so goddamn desperatefor love and acceptance that she’d done anything for the one man that’dgiven her just a taste of it. Jackie tends to think of herself as too much of everything, and that – is exactly whatmakes her so damn hard to love.

Flight Risk // this ties in some with her self-hatred. Essentially,Jackie has a bad tendency to run away at the first true sign of conflict. Thisis a flaw that developed in accordance with her past relationship – mostly becauseit made her fearful. In terms of physical pain, Jackie would face up againstanything; hold her ground and not run away, no matter how much it hurt. However,the mere thought that she might end up hurting those she loves the most anddisappointing them with her failures makes her scared to even stay. Theslightest mistake, and she’ll get it in her head that she’s a mess, that she’sunwanted and it’s better for everyone involved if she’d just left – even whenher heart is begging her to stay. Shedoesn’t run because she’s scared of commitment. She wants to commit, more than anything. For the ones she loves, shewould never leave – so long as they still wanted her. Instead, she runs becauseshe’s scared she might be manipulated again by the wrong people for all thewrong reasons – left in the dust to try to make sense of her life again oncethey decide they’re done with her. She’s scared of forming attachments thatwill only leave her broken and alone. And she prepares herself for the possibilityof the ones she loves one day waking up and realizing that they don’t want heranymore, and suddenly she’s stuck stranded with her heart shattered at her feetonce more.

She loves very, very hard – and if anything – she tends torun away from that the most.

What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to RPing?

INTENSE GOD MODDING. ESPECIALLY GOD MODDING WHERE THE OTHERPERSON SUDDENLY DECIDES THAT JACKIE’S A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS AND NO MATTER WHATSHE DOES, SHE’S UTTERLY INCAPABLE OF DEFENDING HERSELF AND THE OTHER PERSON HASTHE GODDAMN GALL TO TELL ME THAT ‘It’s not realistic and my character is op andyou know my character is capable of this and this and this and this andsqkdbhjashdsahgdhasdhgshadghsaghfdhsafghas’.

Like, okay?? You know I’m perfectly fine with having peoplekill her. I’m perfectly fine with having people rough her up and attack her andtorture and etc etc like that’s not the problem. You wanna break her arm? Goahead. Want to try to stab her and shoot her and do whatever it takes to makeher beg and scream for mercy? Fine, have at it. I don’t mind. Whatever floatsyour boat.

However, my problem is when you decide to negateher abilities for no goddamn goodreason other than the fact that your character is remarkably OP without any real basis and obviously has to fucking win, period. And it doesn’tmatter that she tries to defend herself, or that she’s actually got a fairly goodchance of winning. It doesn’t matter that she fights back either becauseapparently, all of her attacks are useless and insignificant and don’t actuallymanage to fucking hit your muse and I’m wasting my time writing out a properfight scene because we all know she would have been dead the first hit through.Like, no?? It doesn’t necessarily work that way?? Or fine – I’ll go along with it. On thecondition that you give me a damn good proper reason as to why she’s suddenly remarkablyuseless and your reasoning has be supportedproperly or else I will contest it. That’s literally my only goddamn problem.

Oh and also, assuming she trusts you and writing out thingsthat would actually require a proper thought process of her own volition whenthe action you’ve indicated her to do is in fact – something that would makeanyone wary. Like telling her to stand on the edge of a rooftop and assumingshe’ll do it without hesitation when she explicitlyjust said that doing just that is something she’s wary of.

Please. God forbid.

When in doubt, please ask – thank you.

Without naming anyone specific, have you ever avoidedsomeone simply because they RP with one of your RP partners? If so, why?

I did. Once. To be fair, I had a feeling the other persondidn’t like me back very much either. I tried to make a connection with themjust so I could feel like I wasn’t being petty, but I guess they weren’tfeeling it at all either so I ended up blocking them anyway just to make it easier on the both of us.

Jealousy. I do admittedly sometimes have a streak of thatthat’ll crop up at times, but when I notice it settling in, I tend to justdistance myself from whatever is the root cause of it and only come back whenthe feeling has ebbed. I’m not one to really do anything with it – like take itout on people, because just knowing I have it is enough to make me feel guiltyand so I have to check myself. This person however – I suppose the one we wereessentially trying to ‘compete’ over had a tendency to manipulate the both of usas well in that aspect. So it just made things that much worse.

In the end, I ended up being the one to breakaway. And thankgod I did because aaaaaaah I never want to get stuck in a cycle like that againits not pretty its not good -1000/10 would never do again.

#lucentiox #&& waste time with a masterpiece (answered asks)#&& did you think i wasn't real (about j)#/ it's why I'm so selective with fight scenes or things because people hardly want to put in the damn proper effort to do it and I ???#/ get so damn annoyed?? I don't mind godmodding the little things or even the medium stuff but #/ don't assume she's going to do something risky just because you think she trusts you enough for it like ??#/ no it's bad form don't do it

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