#and deal with this because i swear to fucking god
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When it comes to Mouthwashing and seeing some of the absolute dogshit, brain-dead fandom related nonsense from some fans, especially some younger fans.
Really showcase that this game story and messages/themes are clearly lost on some of these people. The narrative of this game story has truly flown over a lot of some people heads.
Seriously, a game like this and the dark and heavy topics it's deals with that touches on workplace sexual abuse and aspects of rape culture and complacency when it comes to abuse and other issues this game focuses on,
Probably shouldn't have such an emphasis on shipping involved in it or romance in general.
Like some people within fandom act like they can't engage with a piece of media without shipping being involved in some way.
Like GOD! You have a character who kills herself because she couldn't bare having to give birth to her rapist baby, and yet... you got certain people making adorable and wholesome content of her happily keeping her rapist child or, in other cases, of her seriously being in a relationship with Fucking Jimmy or ship with Curly who didn't do much to help her and still stood by his friend side as a way to keep the peace.
Yeah, create what's you enjoy and all, but man... I swear not every single piece of media needs fucking shipping involved in it.
Jeez, some people didn't take away any of the messages of this game at all.
I genuinely think Mouthwashing fandom is a good example on how real life misogyny is very wired on people brains and influenced how they engage with fictional misogyny.
You have a story about a woman being assaulted and telling a man he trusted but being dismissed because he is friends with the attacker, and people fixate on shipping her with either of those me.
You have a story about how men that downplay their male friends violence, assume neutrality is the safer option, unintentionally help create an environment that's unsafe to vulnerable people, at a risk becoming a victim themselves. And people make it about toxic yaoi.
You have a character kill herself because she didn't want birth the child of her abuser. And people make AUs where she happily keep the baby.
Misogyny isn't just "I hate this women", it's also downplaying their trauma, defending those who caused it, and reducing them to mothers or wives against their wished under this idea of what womanhood is about.
I don't think we can separate fandom misogyny from it's real world influence, not yet.
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stevieschrodinger · 2 days ago
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Part One Thirty
Couple of things - I've been going through it lately and just wanted to get this bit out. I do have more planned but I need a break after this. The Carpenters song referenced is 'all you get from love is a love song' and if you don't know it you can give it a listen and then you'll get the 'broken arm' joke.
They squish together into the phone booth, Steve hitting the numbers almost on reflex now, going through the motions of briefly speaking to Robin’s mom.
He angles the receiver so that Eddie can hear too, their cheeks practically touching, “Steve! Chrissy’s here-”
“Why?” Eddie cuts her off immediately, “not time to close the shop,” he almost sounds a little critical when he says it, making Steve smile.
“I know I know,” Chrissy says, “but he came back!”
“So we waited for him to leave, and we followed him,” Robin adds enthusiastically.
If Steve couldn’t hear for himself that they’re both at Robin’s place, and they’re both absolutely fine, he’d be panicking now, maybe he kind of is, because he’s sort of snippy when he says, “Robin what the fuck, it’s not safe, you two aren’t- you’re not Cagney and Lacy for fucks sake.”
“Steve it’s fine,” Chrissy tells him, “he went to Starcourt, so we went home and called Hopper right away.”
“Good,” Steve breathes a sigh of relief, “okay, so what now?”
“We don’t know,” Robin admits, “we’re just waiting to hear now. See what happens?”
“Okay we could...Eddie, you want to kill some time in town, and we can call again later?”
“Yeah” Eddie pulls back his sleeve to check his princess watch, “...lunch. And shopping?”
“Sure thing baby.”
Chrissy squeaks down the phone, “oh you’re both just too cute together.”
“Oh my god don’t encourage them.”
“Oh!” Chissy starts, “I met El and all the rest of the kids, isn’t she just, so cool? She made some pens float around!”
“El is the fewest bad kid. She’s quiet,” Eddie agrees, but Steve is absolutely certain Eddie’s warmed to the kids a lot over the last couple of months, so he knows Eddie doesn’t really mean it like that.
“Least,” Steve corrects softly, “she’s the least bad. Probably.”
“Best of a bad bunch?” Robin hazards.
“Maybe,” Eddie tells her, “we can come home soon?”
“Errrr…I mean, see what Hopper says, I guess? We might know later, but you guys shouldn’t come back today anyway, it’s a few hours drive, and you’ll need to pack up and everything, right?”
Steve frowns, as Eddie, very briefly, looks sad, “maybe tomorrow,” he says to Eddie more than the girls, “is that okay?”
“Yeah,” Eddie nods, “I...like the flower shop?”
“You miss it?”
“Yes, and Chrissy. Miss them. I know they’re not gone but...they’re not here.”
“Oh Eddie honey, I miss you too, okay? And when you get back you can come into work, there’s stuff to catch up on,” she whispers then, “Robin isn’t good with the flowers like you.”
“Hey! I’m trying my best here-” but she gives up, everyone else laughing over her.
The payphone starts to beep, “we’ll call later okay!”
Steve’s pretty sure Eddie’s jar will be empty again after today. He’s bought four more records, more Led Zeppelin, plus a Dio record because ‘Rainbow in the Dark’ was playing when they walked in and Eddie really liked it. Steve absolutely certain that the girl with a green Mohawk wearing a Dio shirt sealed the deal, but he's not going to tease Eddie about it.
Eddie comes out of the changing room of the second hand clothes store, showing Steve the jeans he’s trying on. He’s been making do all this time with Steve’s draw string sweats and jeans with a very cinched in belt, so it’s definitely time for Eddie to choose his own things but...Steve wasn’t expecting Eddie to choose anything quite so tight.
“Stevie? What do you think?”
Steve swallows thickly before he answers, he swears Eddie’s only getting away with wearing them because his dicks on the inside, the thing would get strangled otherwise, “you look really good Eds. You like those ones?”
“Yes. Black, like my tail. And look,” Eddie scratches at the ripped fabric, his knees on display, “see my knees. I like to see them, they’re new.”
Steve bites his lips briefly to suppress the chuckle, “you should definitely be proud of those knees, you did grow them yourself.”
Steve frowns at the sight of Eddie in a leather jacket; it’s so very far removed from everything he’s been wearing. It’s so different from all of Steve’s clothes, but Steve can’t deny he’s making it work. It definitely suits the look Eddie’s starting to cultivate. He’s very much leaning towards darker colors, and he was really pleased when he turned up a Led Zeppelin tee shirt out of a pile.
The difference between the Eddie that comes out of the dressing room and the Eddie that went in is startling, Steve’s pullovers and polos all tend to be lighter colors, so all the black is very different.
“You like it?”
“I mean, as long as you like it, sure, you’re the one who has to wear it. But yeah, yeah I do like it. You look good.”
Steve has to stand by while Eddie rummages across a tray of cheap jewellery, “they’ll turn your fingers green,” he warns vaguely. Eddie shrugs, probably not understanding what Steve means as he tries things on, he likes the shiny silver ones that definitely are not silver, “you’re such a magpie.”
Eddie chooses two chunky rings that are so cheap he will get change from his last five dollars, but he clearly likes how they look on his fingers; he doesn’t even take them off to pay for them. Steve knows he’s just here to hold the bags, but he doesn’t mind. Eddie’s worked hard for this money, he should spend it on the things he wants.
Steve meanders through the store, it’s mostly second hand furniture and ‘antiques’, but Steve figures that term is being used very, very loosely. As near as Steve can tell it mostly looks like house clearances and that sort of thing. He spends a little while at the glass cabinets, staring at all the little figurines. 'Dust gatherers,' his dad calls them. There’s some tiny little jade ones, big tall porcelain ones and everything in between.
He’s distracted away from them by the sound of twanging. Bad, uneven twanging on an acoustic guitar. Steve follows the sound, finding Eddie just fiddling with the strings, the guitar still lying on it’s back. It doesn’t have a case, and looks pretty beat to hell to Steve, covered in stickers and all scratched up, but Eddie is entertained by the noises, and he looks up, smiling, “you going to buy it?”
Eddie shakes his head, “not enough left.”
“How much are you short?”
Eddie checks his pocket, and then the little label hanging from the neck, “six dollars?” he hazards.
“Okay, well, I’ve got four left on me, so maybe you can haggle the guy down.”
“I’ll try,” Eddie grins big, taking the change from Steve.
They’ve dropped everything off at the car and, with nothing left to do to kill any more time, they head back to the phone and smush into the booth together.
“He wasn’t there when Hopper got there,” Robin tells them, and Steve sighs, disappointed, “but! El looked into my head real quick, and she says he’s called Doctor Owens. She knew who he was, and she says he’s...nice.”
“Nice,” Steve repeats, deadpan, “a man who facilitated experiments on little kids. Nice.”
“Well...I mean maybe as nice as he could be given the circumstances. I got the impression he never...he wasn’t cruel about it. If you know what I mean.”
“I guess,” Steve hazards, “Eddie?”
Next to him, Eddie’s kind of staring into space, frowning, “Owens. Yes. Remember that word, maybe?”
“Okay. Okay, so what are they doing now Robs?”
“Well, Hoppers keeping an eye out and he’s going to try the Motel right now, but if he’s not there he’s going to start doing drive bys of Starcourt and stuff, and hopefully he turns up,” Steve can hear in her voice that she's shrugging, “but Hopper says since no one else is asking any questions, he’s hopeful that it’s just this guy working alone, you know?”
“Yeah, yeah okay.”
Eddie listens to his new record while Steve makes dinner. He has his guitar over his lap, and occasionally plays a note or two. He understood the mechanics of it already, but Steve figures he must have seen someone with a guitar on TV at some point.
Steve’s absorbed in what he’s doing, and doesn’t notice at first that the twanging noises have stopped. The record ends, but it feels like it’s been a long time of quiet, and Steve looks over to find Eddie, expecting him to be flipping it.
He isn’t.
Steve turns off the stove, covering the two pots he’s been carefully nursing. Eddie isn’t in the cabin; Steve finds him on the dock. He’s just...standing there, in the near dark. Just...staring out across the lake.
“Eddie? You okay?”
Eddie looks around again, “heard something. Had to check it’s safe.”
“You could have said,” Steve comes up close, wrapping a hand around Eddie’s hip. Eddie turns in reflexively, looking for a quick, soft kiss, which Steve is happy to give.
“Think the trees look like The Upside Down.”
“Do you?” Steve looks around; all the trees have leaves on, they’re dense and alive and nothing like the dead twisted things that litter The Upside Down, “I don’t think they do.”
Wind moves through the trees, the susurration of leaves is kind of loud, “sounds like bats. Many many bats,” Eddie shifts closer, pressing himself against Steve.
“You okay?”
“I don’t...I think I don’t like it here.”
“Oh...well,” Steve makes a decision, “since they’re pretty sure it’s just the Owens guy, how about we go home tomorrow? I mean, you might not be able to go to work and stuff until they find him-”
“Yes. Home tomorrow.”
Steve looks around again, tries to see it through Eddie’s eyes. Tries to see what reminds him so much of The Upside Down. Maybe the panic attack in the shower knocked some stuff loose; Steve doesn’t know. Eddie’s been making do with strip washing from the bathroom sink the last couple of nights, and that’s been fine but not ideal. Eddie’s hair needs a wash.
“Okay, we’ll call when we go through town, okay, let them know?”
“Yes...take my book back.”
“You finished it?”
“Almost.”
“Lets go inside, I can finish dinner and you can tell me what it’s about?”
“So they’re...stealing treasure from a dragon?” Eddie nods, his mouth full of dinner. “Okay, fair enough.”
Eddie swallows, “I want to read The Lord of The Rings.”
“Okay, I’m sure we can get it at the library.”
“You promise dragons aren’t real?”
“Yup. Definitely not real, and there’s no hobbits or wizards or- or elves or any of that stuff. And magic isn’t real- well. That kind of magic isn’t real, at least,” Eddie frowns like the book committed a crime.
“But...dinosaurs. Dinosaurs were definitely real, you have those in your book?”
“Yes...dragons can fly though. And breathe fire.”
“Well...some dinosaurs could fly, and they were big like a dragon, some of them.”
“Really?” Eddie’s eyes go wide, “I thought from my book like...cow sized?”
“Hu uh,” Eddie excitement is actually palpable, “definitely a dinosaur book next, some of them were like...as tall as trees,” Steve doesn’t actually know, he was most definitely not a dinosaur kid, but he’s pretty sure at least some of them were tall like that.
“All the time, used to do this. When I had a tail,” Eddie’s voice is muffled where he’s bent over the kitchen sink.
“Yeah...I guess I did,” and it’s true, Steve was washing Eddie’s hair pretty much every other day when Eddie still had a tail. He feels the back of Eddie’s head almost reflexively at the memory, following the ghostly, barely there ridges with his fingers through the suds, “it’s getting so long again already.”
“Good. El said Max makes nice braids when it’s long enough.”
Steve snorts a laugh, “oh yeah? That’s going to look great, now eyes and mouth closed, I’m gonna’ rinse.”
Eddie has his head resting on Steve’s tummy while Steve plays with his hair, hand buried in his curls, massaging his scalp, “what you doing baby?”
“Hear.”
“Hear? Oh what, you’re listening?”
“Listening to Stevie’s inside.”
“Anything interesting?”
Eddie nods, his cheek dragging against Steve’s skin, “funny tummy noises. And bumping.”
“Bumping? Oh, beating, my heart right?”
“Yeah. Stevie, we can definitely go home tomorrow?”
“Sure thing babe, we can get packed up in the morning,” Steve yawns, “you want to go to sleep?”
“Maybe. There’s bad dreams here.”
Steve blinks his eyes open to look down, a weird shiver raising goosebumps on his arms, all the way down to where his hand is still buried in Eddie’s hair. Eddie didn’t have to put that quite so creepily. “I think it’s just...maybe it reminds you of things here, so your mind is kind playing tricks on you a little? There’s nothing bad here baby, I promise. What do you think?”
“The water reminds me of Barb.”
Steve frowns, “Barb? How do you know about Barb?” Under Steve’s hand, something crawls unpleasantly beneath Eddie’s skin.
Eddie shrugs, “Nancy told me you killed her.”
“Stevie!” Steve fights, briefly, confused. “Stevie love, it’s okay. Bad dream.”
Steve’s kind of sweaty and panting, but he quickly realizes that it’s Eddie whose holding him, so he quits moving, “Jesus Christ,” he breathes out slowly, trying to calm himself down, “I’m fine. Thanks. I’ll be okay in a minute.”
“You want to tell me? Here, water.” Steve takes the glass, sipping it carefully. He can feel the cool water go down, grounding him.
Steve has no desire whatsoever to talk about it, so he deflects, “what time is it?”
“Five?” Eddie leans over, checking his watch before putting it back, “half five.”
“I miss you saying five and a half, it was cute.”
“I can say five and a half,” Eddie takes the glass again before snuggling in.
“Did I wake you?”
“No. Already awake...bad dreams.”
“Fucking hell. We need to go home just so we can get a good nights sleep. What did you dream about?”
“You. Lost you, in the trees...we were here but...Upside Down trees? I tried and tried to find you. Could hear you, ‘help help,’ really scared.”
“Maybe it is this place,” Steve settles down again, pulling Eddie close, “weird that we’re both having bad dreams right?”
“I don’t like it.”
“No but...lets just rest a little, and then breakfast and we can get packed up, okay?”
“Okay, Stevie love.”
Eddie waits outside the phone booth, leaning against the car where it sits parked by the curb. Steve calls Family Video today, knowing that Robs should be at work, “hey Bird-”
“He got him! Hopper! He got the Owens guy!”
Steve feels himself relax, one less thing to worry about, “good. Good, we’re coming home.”
“Okay, Hopper does think it was just this guy. He was staying at the Motel, Hop had to wait around a bit, like proper stake out!! But he did get him. Said he couldn’t find any evidence of him like, working with other people, and El’s going to talk to him or something. Make sure. I’m not sure about that bit but-”
“Okay, okay, so where is he?”
“Hopper’s got him at the Motel. Probably like, tied up, do you think? Steve what if he’s like, working for the government though. Or or the Russians-”
Steve rubs his forehead, “Birdie, I know you do love some empty speculation-”
“I do!”
“But how about we wait until we actually like, know?”
“Spoil sport.”
They say goodbye and end the call, Steve offering the keys to Eddie, “want to do a little of the driving?”
Eddie grins big, clearly surprised and pleased by the offer, “yes I do!”
“Okay, careful though, you don’t know the roads like at home. And no getting distracted by the cows.”
Eddie ‘moos’ really loudly in response, once in the drivers seat, he pauses for a second, “should have bought tapes,” he laments.
“Well, unlucky, I’m thinking some Carpenters.”
“Nooooo,” Eddie laughs.
“Shut up, I know you love it. Now sing to me about how the best love songs are written with a broken arm.”
“I think that’s what she said! Broken heart makes no sense,” Eddie grumbles, Steve still laughing.
Eddie had caved after two hours of driving, but still, considering all Eddie had done before today is short journeys around Hawkins, Steve figures he did really well in an unfamiliar place, and he told Eddie so. Eddie has turned into a surprisingly careful driver, Steve doesn’t know if it’s his consideration for Steve’s beloved car, or if it’s Steve’s constant reminders that Eddie cannot afford to draw any attention to himself. Either way, Steve feels safe in the passenger seat.
“Okay, I think I should take you home to unpack, then I can figure out how to call Hop and see if I can go over.”
Steve’s not even surprised by Eddie’s response, “both go, you mean.”
“Eddie...I’m not sure it’s-”
“Stevie,” Eddie manages to make it a complete sentence.
“Look...I’m not going to take your choice away, okay, if you want to come, then that’s fine. But...you get I just want you to be safe, right? And I feel like the less this guy knows, the better?”
“I know...I know,” Eddie has his thinking face on, when he’s wrestling with how to say something. It’s been happening a lot less lately, but this concept must be more complicated. “The people had me in a tank. They...hurt me. I was scared. Now...Owens is in the tank? He has to...he has to say why. To me. And sorry.”
“I...is that what you want? For him to apologize? To...explain?”
“Apologize and explain. Yes. And...I will not hurt him. I’m Eddie. I’m not people.”
Steve shouldn’t be surprised, not really. He feels like he knows Eddie inside and out, but his natural compassion, his...kind of innate goodness still blind sides Steve sometimes. Steve had vaguely considered that a realistic outcome of this may be that he’s helping Hopper hide a body. Maybe. It was kind of an abstract thought he hadn’t wanted to poke too hard but, realistically, they’re talking about a man who experimented on children, on Eddie.
Steve is clearly no where near as forgiving.
Hopper meets them both outside the room. Steve has no idea what to expect, really. The rasp of Hopper stubble is loud when he scrubs at his face, “El thinks this Owens guy is legit. He already knows Eddie has,” Hopper gestures vaguely, “human parts.”
“How?”
“After Starcourt happened, he went back to poke about, and he saw you both. More importantly Eddie, driving a car,” Hopper’s words are full of accusation, like ‘see I knew him driving would be trouble.’
Eddie waves a hand dismissively, “I can go in?”
Hopper sighs, but Steve isn’t going to fight Eddie on this. He knows what he wants, and he’s so fucking smart. Steve’s sure Eddie doesn’t fully appreciate the risks, not since he doesn’t get fully grasp how stuff like actual governments work but...yeah. It’s Eddie’s life, but Steve still takes his hand. If they’re doing it, they’re doing it together.
Hopper just sighs and rolls his eyes.
Steve figured that, somehow, this guy would just...look evil. He doesn’t. He looks like a harmless old dude, sitting on the edge of a sagging motel mattress, looking over some papers. He cannot disguise his interest when Eddie walks in.
He’s not restrained or anything, he’s just...there. There are books and pens and folders and shit spread out on the opposite bed, like he’s been working.
“Owens?” Eddie checks.
“Yes. Yes hello it is...so wonderful to see you again. And to hear you speak! How good is your understanding-”
“I think we have questions, first,” Steve cuts him off sharply. He doesn’t seem threatening, just...genuinely pleased to see Eddie. The guy has to be up to something, Steve can’t shake the suspicious thought that the guy must be one hell of an actor.
“Yes. Of course. I have everything, all of my notes, from Starcourt, so any questions you have I will do my best to answer.”
“Okay, where the fuck do you get off experimenting on people?” Steve’s pretty sure his voice is reasonably calm. He’s vaguely aware of Hopper coming in behind them, pulling up a folding chair he must have gotten from his truck.
Owens closes his eyes briefly, before addressing Eddie,“yes. Of course. I am so so sorry for what you were put through but..the work we were doing. I was not fully aware of just how intelligent you were. Are. I didn’t at first fully comprehend that we were even dealing with a sentient specimen-”
“He’s not a specimen, he’s a person,” Steve snaps.
“I am very smart,” Eddie adds helpfully.
“Yes. Yes you are. And the transformation you have undergone is nothing short of miraculous, if I could take some bloods-”
“Absolutely the fuck not. What were you doing with the Russians?”
“Oh,” Owens seems genuinely confused by the question, like it hadn’t really occurred to him, “when the original labs were closed, the funding ended. Of course we were aware of the mirror dimension-”
Eddie looks at Steve, “he means The Upside Down.”
“-Oh, is that what you call it? Well, it was deemed for too dangerous, and not worth the expense, to continue, not after such a catastrophic failure. The Russians however didn’t seem to have any such issues and were interested in opening a gate; I had to go where I could to continue my work, you understand. And then they brought you back with them. What should I call you?”
“Eddie. I’m Eddie.”
“And you’re working? And you’ve learned to speak and drive a car...your ability to process new information is staggering. The physical changes, did they just happen? What was the-”
“Stop, just stop. What do you want with him? Why have you been asking around?”
“Stevie,” Eddie says quietly, pulling Steve back a little by his shirt. And yeah, okay, Steve may have taken a step forward.
“I just...want to continue my studies. Eddie’s change...the differences in his make up, his body’s ability to rewrite itself – it could lead to...well, significant discoveries. The data I could gather, imagine the effect on modern medicine, what we might achieve – the potential to help people could be immeasurable.”
“We could...help people?” Eddie echoes.
“Yes, well. We could try. Like I said I would have to do some tests to understand-”
“No,” Steve crosses his arms over his chest.
Next to him, Eddie asks quietly, “what tests?”
“Just...take some blood, for now. Just try to understand how this happened and...what the changes mean on a genetic level.”
“Look, Eddie, you do not have to do a single thing for this guy, okay? This could be dangerous, they could come and take you away again-”
“I would most certainly like to avoid just that,” Owens interjects.
“Oh yeah, right. Sell me on that then,” Steve snaps at him.
“Look,” Owens spreads his hands, he hasn’t moved from his seat on the bed, “I’m the only one who knows about this. The little contact I’ve had with my previous...employers implies that they’re done with the site, they’ve scrubbed the remains of Starcourt, it’s already being filled in. I only know you even exist because I just happened to see you. No one knows Eddie is alive right now, that he didn’t die in his tank, except for me. If I tell anyone they will take him, potentially back to Russia, and I’ll loose access to him. If I inform the American team, I’ll have to admit that I was working for the Russians, which would cause some obvious fall out for me. This way I can just…continue with my work.”
Steve rubs his eyes. It sounds...legit. He guesses. Logical. “Hopper?”
“El says he’s on the level.”
“Jesus fuck,” Steve huffs, walking in a circle.
“Stevie? I want to help people.”
“I know you do baby.”
“Oh, are you two in a relationship-”
Steve finds himself leaning over to point in Owens face, “do not.”
“Okay, okay,” Owens spreads his hands, “look, I think you need to see this from the other side too. What if Eddie gets sick? What are you going to do, take him to the doctor? And what about El, and her powers? What if something comes up with her? I’m more than happy to-”
“I’m sure you are,” Steve stops him, “and you agree with that Hop?”
“I mean, he’s got a point. Don’t think we could take Eddie to a regular doctor, and El was fine with letting him look her over. I mean I maybe don’t agree with the shit he’s been involved in but...I don’t currently have a lot of choice with getting my kids brain powers looked at.”
“I don’t like it.”
Hopper shrugs, “nope.”
“This is such a bad plan.”
“Not as bad as-”
“Don’t you dare-” Steve starts.
“Letting some fish guy-”
“Hopper!” Eddie adds, affronted.
“Bite your toes off.”
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thecrowroad · 3 days ago
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An assortment of Crow and Spite headcanons:
Zevran’s working over of House Arainai triggered the succession crisis that claimed Lucanis and Illario’s families. The deaths of six 8th Talons in short order caused a lot of instability within Crow society. That instability opened up a lot of opportunity for advancement for both the smaller Crow Houses and the Talon houses. Which lead to a lot of murder.
As heir of House Dellamorte and the presumptive next First Talon, Lucanis did the full syllabus of Crow training, in exhaustive detail. Including the seduction training. While it’s not his forte, he can turn it on for contracts - but he absolutely shuts down when he uses those techniques on someone he actually cares for. It wasn’t (just) Spite that made him need to clear his head after the almost-kiss, it was nearly using moves he associates with targets on Rook.
The things Lucanis finds normal are a source of perpetual morbid fascination for everyone else who didn’t grow up at the sharp end of a crime syndicate. He was first recorded as assisting on a contract at 5 years old - no one looks twice at a tired parent dealing with a fractious kid, or expects the kid to be tasked with dripping the poison in the right glass. The Crows have never shied away from using children.
Post-game, the first thing Lucanis does, once he’s back in Treviso and the dust has settled is to sit down with Viago and Teia and work out how they’re going to manage one of them taking over as First Talon without Caterina having them all assassinated with extreme prejudice. Because while the Seat of First Talon has been Delamorte for generations and almost his entire family died to make sure it stayed in the family… It’s not important to Lucanis. He can do the job and do it well (Caterina is a lot of things, but a woman who didn’t bend to the death of all her children is not a misty-eyed sentimentalist). He just doesn’t want it, and after what he’s been through, he just wants to retire quietly to a cafe somewhere sunny and take the occasional contract his negotiator has convinced to pay his god-killer rates.
As part of the negotiations, Lucanis and Teia make Viago swear an oath to not freelance his way back into the succession. It’s just not worth it, and Teia has better things to do with her life than queening.
I’m not convinced Spite is actually a demon. He’s a bitchy spirit of Determination. Firstly - he doesn’t actually do anything spiteful. Fucking up Zara’s plans for Lucanis isn’t spiteful, nor is losing his rag at Illario for kill-stealing - that’s determination to survive, and determination thwarted. Secondly - just about everyone who addresses Spite personally calls him a spirit of determination. If a demon is a corrupted spirit, it seems that Spite is as most a little twisted.
On the positive effects of spirit possession, Anders says “I cannot tell you how good it feels for a spirit to fulfill its function. The waiting is over. I am finally seeking justice. And he is exultant. There is no ecstasy humankind can feel to match." And Wynne describes her possession by a spirit of faith as comforting "It is like being held close, cradled...". At the most minor level, possession by a contented Spite when he’s crossing stuff off his personal to-do list has to be a glorious cascade of dopamine rushes. Just imagine what achieving the big goals feels like.
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silverskyeline · 2 days ago
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ੈ♡˳ 'birthday cake' - logan howlett x wade wilson
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summary: logan buys wade a cake for his birthday and tries to convince himself it doesn't mean anything. (900 words) tags: kinda fluffy, kinda angsty, set a year after the movie, references to losing the x-men, feelings realisation, animal metaphors for logan, cussing, logan x wade. a/n: happy birthday deadpool!
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birthdays. running a calloused hand across his stubbled jaw, logan eyes the cakes in the bakery aisle with disgust. when's the last time he celebrated a birthday? not since. . .
well.
not since.
he's not sure why he's here. except he is. yet he won't admit it. can't admit he gives a damn about that stupid red leather-wearing freak. isn't that what he's doing right now, though? a birthday cake, an admission of sorts?
logan grumbles, a deep rumble in the back of his throat. why was this so hard? why couldn't he just pick up a cake and go? or better yet, forget about this whole damn thing and go home?
home.
a word that still feels so foreign in his mind, a long-lost concept that's only recently begun to take root again despite his best efforts to weed it out. that's the thing with wade, he's persistent. fuck, he's extremely fucking persistent to a highly annoying degree. but it's funny how the things we want to deny the most are the things that turn out to be the best for us in the end.
there's a unicorn cake that catches his eye. an imperceptible smile tugs at the corner of logan's lips, a reluctant grin quirking up without permission. he can't help it. "god damn it," he mutters, letting out a soft exhale that could possibly be perceived as a laugh.
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it isn't too late. he could back out now, snuff the candles out and toss the cake so hard into the garbage can that it explodes on impact, leaving no evidence behind. that'd probably be the best thing to do. because what the fuck was this?
the unicorn cake sits on the dining room table, a few candles placed carefully (yet still somehow messily) into the pink icing, thoughtfully avoiding the unicorn decorations and rainbows.
logan shuffles nervously on his feet, hands clasped behind his back. he can already hear wade's annoying squealing in his ear, fussing and yelling and talking and just always fucking talking.
he'd made a deliberate effort to ignore all of wade's incessant reminders, 'it's my birthday month peanut, gotta be nice to me', 'i made sure to cancel everything on your very empty calendar for my birthday'. but in reality, logan had it memorised from the moment he learned the date.
a key enters the door, and logan stiffens up, then forces himself to relax in an attempt to look nonchalant. he looks anything but, head tilted down with dark eyes glued to the door - watching, waiting, anticipating.
"holy fuck balls that traffic is ridiculous!" wade whines, closing the door and rolling his neck as though he'd been worked to the bone, "i swear, it's like none of those careless fuckers know it's my birthday - can you believe that? i was thinking about getting a tattoo, the date on my forehead, y'know, so that when anyone asks they-"
wade stops, finally looking into the open room, eyes landing on the flicker of the candles. then to logan, eyes softening. "you. . . got me a cake?" wade whispers in the softest tone logan's ever heard from him, voice thick with emotion. it hits him unexpectedly.
logan puffs his chest out, "don't make a big deal outta it, bub." he says firmly, eyes straying from wade's gaze. feels like his eyes are boring into him, he doesn't like it. doesn't like the way wade looks at him, really looks at him. that kinda look is dangerous, could make a man believe he deserves to be forgiven for all he did or didn't do. could make a man believe that he's allowed happiness, however strange or unusual that source of happiness may be.
when logan's eyes trail back to meet wade's, he's already in front of him, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug as he rests his cheek against his broad chest. logan huffs, making a sound of disapproval initially, yet makes no effort to move or push him away. instead, he settles, allowing it.
he knows wade must hear his heartbeat, the fact that it's fluttering in his chest. but wade only squeezes his arms around him tighter in response.
for once, the merc with a mouth is silent, basking in this moment the other has allowed. he's almost in disbelief. to some, and hell, maybe even logan himself, it looked like. . . well, just a cake.
but it symbolised so much more than that.
if wade has had his hand outstretched all this time, approaching the skittish animal threatening to lash out in learned survival instincts - then this is the gentle nudge from the animal's snout into his palm. a curious, tentative step forward. a willingness to let someone in, let someone help.
and god, wade won't mess this up, won't disappoint, despite the fact that it's all he thought he was good for, for a long ass time. if logan's taught him anything, it's that life is so much more than what you boil yourself down to. it's what others see in you, too.
wade's eyes pop open when he feels logan's firm hands hesitantly rest upon his back, giving a gentle pat. he bites his tongue, a mirage of sex jokes slinging through his filth-riddled mind. perhaps in a way, that was his own defense mechanism, push him away with just enough jokes to keep him guessing.
but not today.
because today logan bought him a cake. the same day that logan realised that he's hopelessly, ridiculously, disgustingly, annoyingly. . . in love.
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year ago
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Bro is it just me or is the functionality of this app getting demonstrably worse with each passing day
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itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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kkujo · 1 year ago
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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mint-mumbles · 2 days ago
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Gonna use this image any time someone says something low key sexist about Sable (ie "she's showing too much skin" regarding a fucking bathing suit 😭🤦)
I don't hear you complaining about Spirit 😭
#I swear to god some people in this community#just say ‘cover them up whore’ like a normal sexist does#also people who targeted the sables because of their bathing suit outfit and then others saying it’s fine to do that#because of what she’s wearing… do you not hear yourselves?!#purity culture will be the death of us all#and then when you play sable because you look and dress like her and then people say whoever plays her is a ‘gooner’#get off the fucking internet and talk to an actual alt woman#(this is low key a vague post about someone streaming with their friends and making fun of the sable that joined the three of them because#she had the bathing suit skin on and they were saying shit like ‘what a normal amount of clothing you have’ and the whole chat joined in.#it was the first game and I literally couldn’t watch them after that because it just made me so mad. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO’S BEHIND THE SCREEN#for all you know it’s just an alt woman who likes the outfit and your making fun of her because you think skin = sex = gooner which says a#hella lot about YOU more than the person playing her. if you know who I'm vauging about don't be a dick and harass them or send this to the#I was so mad that I just closed the stream and reblogged sable pictures because this hate against her so fucking insane.#I'm not trying to start drama. I'm just tired of this bullshit. I don't think they knew how insensitive stuff like what they were saying is#(even though they really should have; they're an adult and their words having meaning and they clearly have a young fanbase that looks up#them so they should be more careful about the shit they say) but I'm not here to try to fight anyone. I'm just furious about#constantly having to point out how fucking stupid this is and how it's rooted in sexism and purity culture.#when you say this shit you're not just 'making fun of a character'. you're indirectly making fun of alt women who dress less conservatively#you are indirectly shaming a group of people who already have to deal with prejudice outside of your 'jokes')#I love how misogyny and sexism is such a funny joke to these guys (no I don't)#I’m so fucking sick of how this community treats alt women#(speaking as an alt fashion afab person myself)#anyway. I'm just going to eat my dinner in silence.#nah who am I kidding I'm pulling up [popular 90s anime magical girl show staring 'rabbit' whose tag I don't want this to go to]#dead by daylight#dbd#rant#mint mumbles
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chewysgummies · 3 months ago
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Man, trying to grind for Larry and Lawrie mastery in any mode is gonna be such a chore to do
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dawning-day · 1 year ago
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what if i said kevin day was one thousand million percent a piano kid growing up. what then
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zoppzoop · 6 months ago
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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monty-glasses-roxy · 1 year ago
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Tubehell Challenge... I'm so sorry but I have been dropped in the ocean... I will postpone the start date for you... Just a bit...
You will not be forgotten though this is happening whether the universe wants it to happen or not. The universe knows I'm too powerful and is throwing everything it has at me right now but I will win just you wait man just you wait
#literally have to drop everything for geck...#like I'm gonna have to wake up make some calls send some emails research more stuff#figure out how to clean the tank then clean the tank the best i can then rearrange the decor so its better suited to its needs#THEN figure out the food situation cause what the fuck is THIS#THEN make a list of everything we need which btw#is everything but the fucking gecko#and HOPEFULLY this health check I'm organising doesnt turn up some fatal deficiency caused problems#I'm willing to deal with solving the various health problems it undoubtedly has already#provided i can afford a vet bill longer than my current lifespan#but i do have to deal woth the anxiety of a fucking fatal problem until i can get the checks done...#and make do with what I have for now#WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT OF FABRIC PLASTIC LEAVES AND NOT A LOT ELSE#i swear if my little guy has a serious problem i will never and i mean NEVER forgive my sister for this.#and my niece is on thin ice but only because she's 12#'i just cleaned out the tank' NO YOU DID NOT YOU FUCKING LIAR#GONNA NEED A FUCKING HAMMER AND CHISEL WITH THIS OH MY GOD#my mum paid for this by the way.#this is supposed to be a late birthday present since we agreed i was gonna get a gecko for it#but put it off until i was on my meds#now I'm on meds. my niece wanted rid of her crestie and i have never regretted wanting anything more in my fucking life#what the FUCK okay???#AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH STRESSES MAN YEAH SURE JUST DROP A HUNDY FOR ANIMAL NEGLECT FOR MY BIRTHDAY#OH WOW THANKS THAT'S MY FAVOURITE#god... I'm going to bed...#and for the record my tag ranting is still not the fucking tip of this iceberg.#i am Overwhelmed. this isn't what i signed up for.#the joy of a new pet has never been more absent#this feels like a rescue or fucking amateur geck a&e#give me strength man I'm dying over here i would choose tubehell over this are you kidding me#hhhhh going to sleep. need it real bad. hopefully it recents my brain and makes this easier cause fuck me...
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chamaleonsoul · 10 months ago
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so basically,,
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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angeltism · 1 year ago
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man i WISH having a fp was just "haha i really like you :)" like so many ppl seem to think of it
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#so because i hate myself obviously i decided to finally finish naruto. after all those years. it was time#and damn you guys. and here i mean you guys who love this show. i would like to ask you how#i skipped all the filler eps for my own sanity (thank you anime filler list i owe you several hours of my life)#i have seen the first 250eps or so when it was still freshly coming out all those *checks watch* eleven years ago. wow. horrifying.#so it only took me like 3 days since i also kept skipping all the flashback scenes. some of which i have seen at least 20 times#im not even joking. 20 times. the exact same scenes. within 100-200 eps. why and also fuck you#anyways#i have just a few more to go but i know how it ends anyways so its just a formality now but like. i have just one teeny tiny question#why the fuck. is sasuke evil again#for the ten thousandth time#yo fans of naruto. completely seriously how do you deal with this shit#i dont hate the show. it has been a huge formative anime of my childhood/adolescence. my entrance to fandom#my reason to learn english and also japanese#my reason to start drawing and writing and creating and so on and so forth#but my fucking dudes. the story writing of the show is so shit#the show couldve ended at ep 340 or so. for what reason were there fifty different plot twists#i swear no one was amazed anymore. there were no plot holes to fill i promise you. why would you keep snowballing more#''secret evil plots'' and ''actually even stronger eviler more god-like creature that wants to end humanity for whatever reason''#this is like number one rule of good story telling. you cannot keep telling the reader actually this was all someone else's evil plan#and then keep going with the ''actually'' three more times#im so annoyed because regardless of how bad the quality of the show always was and how mediocre some of the characters were#*cough* all the women ones *cough*#i still loved the show. if nothing else for nostalgia sake#but sasuke turning evil for the nth time like 10 eps before the show ends really makes me want to throw hands#to quote my real life friend chidi anagonye: the dot above the 'i' broke me. sasuke being evil again for one last plot twist did it#his character is so empty what the hell. i cant even say that his actions are out of character bc i dont think he even has any#also now that i started shitting at the show. whats with all those bible references. why?? for what reason???? stop?#i get izanagi and izanami and a literal ep called sengoku jidai but my dude. cant you just do one?#(if i see obito's tragic backstory flashback one more fucjing time i will lose it i swear on this. or worse - turn evil!)#also if anyone of you read this whole rant im sorry but also this ones on you <3
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