#like my god it is mind numbing
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Man, trying to grind for Larry and Lawrie mastery in any mode is gonna be such a chore to do
#chewys notes#just random ramblings#brawl stars larry#brawl stars lawrie#larry and lawrie#like my god it is mind numbing#I tried playing as them in 5v5 knockout#but i swear to god#my teammate always thumb me down or shit on me because i was the last person standing#but died because they left me alone to deal with a literal fucking tank#as a thrower??#Like literally they made me go up against a bibi and a darryl#Like if y'all didn't drop down like flies than maybe#Just maybe#You shouldn't have left me alone to fend them off#shit dude#lmao
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Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.
G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.
An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........
#the unwanted guest#the unwanted guest spoilers#the locked tomb#ianthe tridentarius#augustine the first#pyrrha dve#palamedes sextus#this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate)#the locked tomb meta#the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though.#of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world#utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there#and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea#when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter#it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level'#she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him#because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing#to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after#IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival#ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god#gaining nothing at the cost of everything
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Regarding Demise: He is an interesting concept, as is the whole eternal cycle, but for that to actually become something worthwhile the games/stories would have to actually DO something with it. So far they are introduced in Skyward Sword and thats it! No other game even references them. And, yes, that cheapens EVERY other game because there is this implication that its all out of the control of the actual characters in the story because of this one asshole that we only ever saw once! Why not have Ganondorf realize that he is possessed/manipulated by this weird old Demon God? How would he react, would he embrace it, would he rebel, would he be broken by the realization that none of his actions were ever *his*? I dont even care which of these options they pick, as long as they pick any of it and do just ANYTHING with the concept.
Or maybe Link or Zelda figures out the Cycle and starts looking into breaking it because endlessly repeating Demon Attacks kinda suck and you dont want that for your descendants.
Or have a game focus on them remembering bits from past lives and having to piece it all together or, again, just ANYTHING!
The closest they ever came to was with BOTW Zelda praying to Hylia, aka HERSELF, to unlock her powers, which is some brutal narrative irony, but not much more.
And regarding the whole Zelda is Hylia thing, I've seen some headcanons about how Skyward Sword Zelda is terrified of herself after learning that, because she now has to assume that everything she did was planned by a version of her that she no longer is. Is Link her friend or is he the useful pawn that Hylia needs to turn into the Hero? Does she even deserve his affection when she probably manipulated him into becoming her champion and fighting, possibly dying for her all her life?
Thats juicy, thats something you can do something with but Nintendo really does like to plan those stories game per game without any care for the larger story.
Which I guess is the Irony of it all. They tried the whole larger connected story/universe thing once: With Skyward Sword. After all that was also the time we got the first Hyrule Historia & "official timeline" as well as "How it all began" in the game itself.
It felt like the start of a new era for Zelda games and stories and then it just... wasn't.
And while I get that they want to focus on gameplay over story, I will never stop mourning the stories we could get/have gotten, if they put a bit more thought into things.
I actually feel like its harder to make the 'cycle' into an interesting plot point when its a .. divine thing that happens, and not perpetuated by the people (though not impossible, given how the series is build up it would need alot of work to not make it worse still..)-
i actually cannot stand the idea that ganondorf is possessed or manipulated, made eviler by demise somehow (demise is dead, leave him beeeeee hes not some evil master mind behind anything aaaaah) bc it STILL takes away ganondorfs agency and character and gives right into the whole hes basically born evil and just pushes the fault tm onto someone else it in turn legitimizes that the kingdom of hyrule and its high rule (heehoo) is right and if only gan wasnt manipulated hed be good tm, aka allied with the goodest guys, hed gladly accept their invitation and join their holy empire of goodness tm if wasnt for da demon
(and i love to say, who decides what is good tm and evil tm? bc hyrules monarchs making every other tribe their subordinate and persecuting shiekah for example isnt what id call good but its fine bc the good holy guys did it in the name of "peace" -what is their idea of peace? everyones under their rule and must worship their god? uh oh- and resistance to it is gonna get you labelled as evil!! (unless you join their holy kingdom and become their vassal of GOOD) what good and evil boils down to in zelda is .. being allied/ruled by the kingdom of hyrule and being opposed to them, even if its only not wanting to be subjugated by them)
i can see the appeal to some degree, but i dont like the idea of ganondorf even being able to be manipulated or possessed, what makes his character, before it got flattened into well he just be demon in the eyes of the average fandom, interesting is his unbreakable will, that drive to keep on living and resisting those that want him dead, its poetic and sad, to the point that (until totk ...) it was really just ONE ganondorf that refused to die and came back over and over (also something i found a compelling thought for botw, that after all this time theres nothing left BUT his will to resist, its a tragic idea that rly spoke to me)
my personal idea of the cycle is that its only a cycle bc they, the kingdom of hyrule and their belief system, keep it going, its not a divine thing that needs to be broken (though the divine surely messes with it, just for the bit i guess) but something that keeps repeating bc hyrule is so soaked into the idea that their princess once was a god and hers is the right to rule it all in light- so anyone who doesnt agree must be of the demons from the darkness seeking to destroy the world, and what means the 'world' could just mean the kingdom of hyrule- in botw even with the calamity people went on and lived, same in windwaker, they dont need the holy kingdom to live- (who is to say the 'monsters' are bad for the land, to me they mostly looked like well adapted territorial beasts, and the bokblins etc clearly arent mindless monsters either, why do they need to be eradicated? they attack you? ok dont go into their territory, or defend yourself, you dont need to exterminate something just bc it could be a threat at some point)
(i do agree that conflict with zelda being interesting but uuuh .. well they never did anythign with that huh)
in the end, demise was just a throw away villain, and if i may get my tin foil hat back here, i feel like the whole creation myth skyward sword does was really just a way for them to get out of the predicament of having to consider a villain to be treated like a person to save themselves from having to think about what they imply and can just go, well this is the evil demons, this is the good gods- ironically enough the attempt to get out of having to consider complicated writing it ends up reversing straight back into the WORST of kinds of implications .. that arent even subtext anymore, if totk is anythign to go by, the most 'simple' or 'easy' narrative to go for might not be actually simple, just a so often retold one that it appears simple if not made aware of its dark maw, the status quo repeated ad nauseam
(and if i may, the whole gameplay over story thing is bs in my eyes, that sounds like the typical attempt of dismissing any critique, just like the stupid, and frankly, offensive "its just for kids" argument, story and gameplay are inherently intertwined, the story influences the gameplay, the gameplay influences the story, especially in a series like zelda that is a futile thing to go for and a reason why the stories themselves lack depth, how are you gonna have an epic adventure that drives you to get through any amount of puzzles and battles if there is no story to motivate you, at this point it feels like the series has set itself up for catastrophic failure bc i imagine, people might just keep buying and playing the games bc its attached to the series, bc they hope to see characters they loved return, new ones that will grab their attention, perhaps be taken away by a world that meant alot to them once before, hope that there will be something exciting-
i am not saying the series has no value or doesnt do anything well (hello who am i) but how many times can you repeat 'this guy good he fight evil guy he get the pretty princess as reward' without any interesting twists or narrative, even the most beloved characters can only keep it passable for so long, even the best gameplay loses its potential if its surrounded by cardboard characters and a story so "simple" as offensive it fits into a single page, i often wonder how a game would be seen if it wasnt titled -the legend of zelda- ..
it hurts especially when looking at its long history, how much estblished thigns it could exploit and expand, the potential the series has is still immense, it hurts to see it be wasted over and over :(
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i dont need it to be mind breaking#i just want it to be interesting#botw was interesting to me!! so much so!! god i miss loving that game- totk just gives everything a bitter taste..#i dont find echoes of wisdoms lore that interesting as some seem to do#the main thing being you play.. as zelda (and need to transform into link via mystic energy to be able to actually fight hahaaa)#and i find that cool but also a little .. sad? like this series is so set in its path that even playing as the other good guy is a big hook#i have nothing much against the game (other than how zelda is handled- of course she da priestess not a hero .. the FUCKING UI ARGH)#idk totk kinda killed how invested i was into the lore#im just kinda numb to it by now ... like whatever#i still care mind you- but it would take alot ot get me excited again#also this long ass response isnt meant agressively or something#i just have .. opinions tm#also .. the whole breakign the cycle is the entire idea of my totk rewrite- with zelda having to realize she is part of what perpetuates it#and everything shes been told all her life was a lie- shaking her entire worldview to the core#anyway#im gonna guess this wasnt the point of the ask but uh ... words go brrrrr
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Taking an HR class as part of my degree is making me realize how incredibly not interested in HR i am...
#mutecrows talks#my degree is not hr related specifically btw#its a pastry arts degree but like my fucking gods i have been told before by many folks i would do good in an HR job#and honestly i think this job wouldve made me wither away#its so mind numbing as a course...
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you know depending on how this election goes i might have to buy more barbies
#tales from diana#i bought some bratz dolls from the target website today that qualified for under 30 dollars combined w free shipping#bc they were already on clearance and i had rewards points available#and i wanted them both for a long time#and i only did that bc i wanted them. but then it said they'd be arriving approx. thursday november 7th#and i was like oh my god. i'll... know. by then#like just seeing there was a date that was past nov 5th#i was like well at least i have smth to look forward to as these final days make me sweat constantly#i've already had tentative ideas of what to do for escapism if the worst comes to pass#and that idea has included making taking myself off of my temporary ebay ban#i know some dollies i want. that ive looked at. yeah#and if harris wins i definitely want to do something for myself too just to celebrate my relief#like nothing as drastic as the temporary mind-numbing pleasure i'll have to shoot into my veins if we get the other guy instead...#but maybe something small like going out to lunch or whatever
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Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out
i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb
#i feel bad for complaining so often but man. there is not much good in my life rn#like im truly sorry that i keep biden blasting my blog with 2012 emo ranting#i just got nothin !!! to do!!! to think about!!#i cant even really generate art ideas anymore bc im becoming so far removed from a human person that my mind is just blank all the damn tim#shitty sketch of tails lifting a log to look at bugs is the most creative thing ive done in weeks#i really had to work for that idea#god im just. im numb im tired i want to die#i dont know how to be a person anymore and i feel like im losing my mind#cw vent#cw suicidal thoughts
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#the truth is. over the years i really have tried to make the best of this loneliness#i've given into it and tried to extract as much beauty and joy out of it as i could.#and i truly do cherish it and the freedom it has given me to be myself completely#i just wish that i could actually have someone to see me that completely. and choose to love me for it#these days i feel such an aching for it that i might explode#like if i don't fall completely in mind-numbing all-consuming love with someone again i will literally die#the kind of love that takes over my entire soul. like knowing someone and feeling known by someone so completely#that it's like you were invisible before#i think i'm feeling that kind of all-consuming love for the desire to love itself. and i think that's worth treasuing too#but god. i've tried so hard to accept that i may never have it again and i keep failing#i just want someone to see this desperate aching inside me and choose to carry the weight of it with me#choose to build something magical out of it#but i end every night feeling undesired and unloveable and alone always alone
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hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.
#really tho it’s like I can barely feel anything anymore. idk if it’s stress?? depression??#the enormous weight of adult life suddenly and unexpectedly crashing down on me with the weight of the entire planet??#I used to feel so *much* all the time and now I feel like I can barely feel anything at all…#and everyone around me is living life so much and I’m just here feeling like I can barely keep up with conversations as they’re happening#I’m tired… I feel like God is a far away idea that I’m struggling to hold onto… I feel like my mind is a bent and jumbled mess#like I grabbed hold of it and tried to crush it into the shape I thought it should be and now all I’ve got is a broken frame#I /know/ who I am and what I believe. I /know/ what my life is. but I don’t feel anything.#the only time I feel anything is sometimes when we’re singing at church I just cry at the sense of glory of something I can’t touch#and sometimes I shake with fear at the thought that I’ve ruined everything that could’ve ever been good about me#I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel#the weight and glory of it again. but I feel like I can’t. all I feel is numbness.#I feel like I could sleep for months but every time I wake up I never feel refreshed. and I’ve been having bad dreams too.#adulthood kinda does suck can I please go back to being 5#gurt says stuff#personal
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escapism during a hard transitional period of your life via watching tv is so awesome until you’ve watched 7 seasons of a show in 10 days
#don’t worry about it#no but actually i haven’t been sleeping like at All lately and the only thing i can do to distract myself is watch tv so like#it’s justified to some extent#especially needing it to try and drown out my loud fucking upstairs neighbor who btw is still dropping bowling balls#the only thing i have the energy to do is watch the league which thankfully requires almost 0 energy the episodes are short and it’s mind#numbing just enough to do the trick. god i’ll miss it
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letting myself discover during finals week that I can use tumblr in the browser on my phone and in fact its better than the app was, to say the least, a mistake
#I can delete the app but I can't escape#I need someone to pry this website out of my grubby little hands#god please I have so much work to do and mind-numbing boredom is like a prime motivator#and tumblr is an executive dysfunction black hole#posts from the carton
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:-)
#venting in the tags cuz I do not want to be obtrusive or take up space on peoples dashes about it#but god. chronic back pain is just. so evil#I have been in mind numbing pain all day and there was nothing I could do about it#its usually kind of background noise but it’s so brutal today#I feel like someone has dug a knife between my vertebrae and is trying to pop them apart by sheer force#standing hurts sitting hurts lying down hurts#moving wrong has just fucking winded me it’s like getting punched under the ribs#I bent down to feed my cats when I got home and I swear I greyed out for a second cuz I moved Bad#and absolutely NOTHING brought this on like i twinged it putting a fucking dish away in my cabinet#I wish someone would just take my spine out and scrub it all fresh and clean and straighten it out and put it back in nice and shiny#okay vent over it’s been building all day and I’m just saying shit now#peoples chronic pain is real unless it is mine. obviously 👍#okay. delete later. probably#busy beez
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I love how fucking WILD the differences in my interests are. like hi hello yes I enjoy sonic the hedgehog, the owl house and mario. I also enjoy silent hill, resident evil, and FUCKING J-HORROR.
#I feel like I'm a different person but I'm not??#It's like ppl at my school either think my interests are 'too childish' or 'too mature'#I'M FUCKING SORRY I DONT ENJOY MIND-NUMBING TEENAGE DRAMA SHOWS#I AM SIMULTANEOUSLY ABOVE AND BELOW THESE PEOPLES EXPECTATIONS OF ME#I AM HYPERFIXATION GOD#lin speaks
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I have to get back into drawing and do it regularly plus practice cause my fucking god it is the only way I’m gonna stay sane cause nothing else is helping me cope and I feel all my passion slipping away. Gggod I forgot what a real depressive slum felt like. Nothing means anythiiiinggg nothing makes me feel anything :,)
#wolvenwhispers#vent#doing my best to not entertain sui thoughts more than I can help it#but I’m exhausted and in physical pain and nothing gets my mind going#me feeling this numb and disinterested really isn’t normal#I’m usually explosive about the shit I’m interested in ough#seems like the only strong emotions I can conjure rn are anger and frustration#which is to expected with everything going on but god does it suck
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say what you will about 2017 but atleast when i was in high school tiktok and generative cheating ai werent a thing yet
#ranting in tags lets go#someone told me they used chatgpt for a uni assignment and complained that it was all wrong. like no fucking shit? are you perhaps stupid?#chatgpt is always wrong this is so well documented and its also well known that ai is bad for the enviorment genuinely what is wrong with u#i dont remember the last time i lost my appreciation for someone so fast. if you use chatgpt for any reason i dont respect you point blank#god. mind numbimgly infuriating. i cannot imagine doing high school with this and having kids brag about not doing any work. are you stupid.#are you fucking stupid.#we all know about the learning gap crisis this isnt about this. even my uni teacher encouraged us to use it (BRO YOURE A TEACHER) and i#didnt and its. well! i guess i know why so many people failed i guess!!!!!! fuck!!!! i hate it i hate it so fucking much i feel like im#losing my mind. why do so few people care about this. i hate ai i hate it i hate it i fucking hate it so much die if you use ai die die die#this doesnt even touch on tiktok. it was juust on the cusp when i was in school it wasnt yet this massive fucking everyone and their mom#algorithmic mind numbing knowledge gap nightmare. i hate the future i hate technology and its booms and i am very afraid for future genera#tions. the internet was a mistake. im so tired. i hope chatgpt goes bankrupt and everyone is forced to think and use their brains and write#their own essays and shit again. god.#adventures
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society if there was something like the smapi mod tracker but for ts4. sigh
#rly updating sims makes me Long for nexusmods LMAO it makes sdv mods so easy 😭#compared to the sims where its taking me 8000 years to update everything (partially my fault bc i shouldve had a spreadsheet from the#beginning but god its mind numbing)#or like even just smapi in general. like if it would tell me when i loaded the game Oh hey this isnt gonna work bc it needs this or oh hey#this needs to be updated x. thats suchhh a lifesaver for sdv#i have like better exceptions and stuff but idk. SIGH.#i also have way too many ts4 mods honestly . something abt ts4 it makes me install mods like crazy (the something is i find the basegame#boring JBDIJHABWIUDJ)#and thats just mods not cc. the cc.... well. lets move on
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im sorry nothing will ever beat my bf and i getting through new tales for the first time and sitting there slack jawed over anu just like. suddenly having cosmic eldritch horror shit happen to her without any warmup. after the constant tonal whiplash of the whole game. and then going "wow that sucked!! anyway cant wait to see the ending" and then we saw the cutscene of them visiting frans grave and somehow our jaws just fell to the floor
#all i remember about the ending was being insanely confused about the anu eldritch stuff because i dont remember it being set up well#i dont even remember if we saw the frans grave scene naturally or had to look it up#i remember just being absolutely lost at that one though#HUH. THEY KILLED OFF THE PAN DISABLED CHARACTER THEY BRAGGED SO MUCH ABOUT INCLUDING FOR BROWNIE POINTS?????#i still start howling like a monkey when i think of that scene it kills me every time#didnt even like fran throughout the game but the choice to kill her off in any ending is just bizarre to me idk.#i know the whole point is anu reconciling with ock but with ocks mind numbing stupidity throughout the game i wish it was him#qnd i like ock!!!! but oh my god the scene where he was supposed to buy them a new base#but they made him just rebuy the old one to save on money and time#worst decision in the history of video game writing i think. it was hard to feel a shred of sympathy for him after that#sorry man. maybe you are just too stupid to function. cant argue with your sister there#sorry to bring up ntftbl in fucking. 2024. im just sitting in bed waiting for the day to start ive got a lot on my mind
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