#and dakota can just feel the difference

[maroonstained]

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[torpublishinggroup]

"Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You!" by TJ Klune

(Legally, I’m required to tell you that when smart phones first became popular, I bought one and then asked for the address of the app store because I thought it was a physical location I had to go to in order to download apps and not something already on your phone. Also, I was recently told I speak like an old person so as a warning, there will not be any slang you youths typically hear, especially on Tumblr. Any slang I’ve learned in the last five years has been against my will. I still don’t know what FOMO means, and I don’t care.)

1. Oh no! You and your family are trying to enjoy a movie night, but Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) wants a sacrifice at the altar of their god, BeeZos. Should this happen, do not attempt to give Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) a cantaloupe with googly-eyes on it and say that it is your baby. Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) knows the difference between fruit and children. Instead, ask the machine to order dog food, and it will forget about eating humans for a little while.

2. If you own a very fancy vehicle that can drive itself, always make sure to carry a brick. That way, when the car locks you inside and attempts to drive you off a cliff into a gas station, you can break the window using the brick. You will then have to jump out, but make sure you do so in time so you can watch the wicked-ass explosion when the car hits the gas station, and you can revel in your victory over your car.

3. This one will hurt. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Chances are, you’re reading this on your phone right this second. To be safe, after you’ve finished reading this post and have clicked on the affiliated links to purchase my books, you should throw your phone into a volcano and then move to South Dakota where there are no machines, only wind and cows. That way, when everyone else gets the 5GZombieVirus that people on Twitter (I’m not calling it the other thing, shut up) seem to think is real, you’ll be safe with your cows on a windy day.

4. Get rid of your air fryer. Don’t ask me why, just do it. Red flags all around. Danger, danger.

5. Do you know of the Clapper? That thing first launched in the late 20th century (I wrote it that way to make me feel old) where the commercials showed cranky old people unable to reach their light switches, so they got a thing called a Clapper that turns your lights on and off when you clap? Guess what? Those will be the first things to try and kill you. If you love your gram-gram, save her from the Clapper. When she asks why you are destroying it with an ax, tell gram-gram it’s because you love her.

6. Do you live in a smart home? The kind where everything is connected to the internet, including your refrigerator? The refrigerator that holds your perishable foods? And oh, would you look at that: how many ice cubes have you kicked under it rather than picking them up when they fall to the floor? A dozen? A million? The refrigerator remembers. And it will spoil your food in seconds. What then? What are you going to eat? Canned food? Not if the refrigerator falls on top of you!

Unfortunately for you, this is where it must end. I hope this has given you enough information to help you survive the inevitable. If you do not heed my warnings, well. Who cares. I’m not in charge of you. Do whatever you want. Just don’t come complaining to me when gram-gram gets the clap.

[unabashegirl]

MASTERLIST

ONE SHOTS

Kings of Leon

Wear something noticeable || Part 2

Equatorial Sun

What are you doing up?

My head is spinning over you

Pax Romana

Harry's grammy performance

You lied to me

Chocolate cake

Golden Boy

Nameless

Meeting her || Part 2 || Part 3

Echo

Camping

my best friend’s dad || part 2

INSTAGRAM BLURBS

Dating hints

Pregnancy

Sadie Sink

Elsa Hosk

Lori Harvey

Pudderfly

Deepika Padukon

Dakota Johnson

Matilda Djerf

Gracie Abrams

Bella Hadid

SERIES

if you want to get ahead and get access to all chapter then check out my patreon!

Summary: Harry is a young billionaire and CEO of his own company. He mostly keeps to himself, he is stern and very meticulous when it comes to business. He also likes to keep his personal life very private for the sake of his newly born son Oliver Styles. It isn't until he meets Y/N Y/L/N that everything changes. She becomes his new nanny after his previous one quits due to personal reasons. She is young, caring, and sweet. Will they ignore their feelings? Will Harry's girlfriend accept their love and leave them? Will she be able to cope with his busy agenda? What about Oliver's mother? Where is she? Who is she?

masterlist

Summary: Harry Styles, the cold and calculating son of a powerful mafia don, must consolidate power after his father's passing. He faces challenges from his unpredictable younger brother, Silas, and navigates a complex world of alliances, ruthless decisions, and family loyalty. Amidst the intrigue, the elegant and alluring Y/N Castellano, the daughter of an Italian mafia boss, attends the funeral and finds herself drawn to Harry. As power dynamics shift and the future remains uncertain, the story explores the dark and dangerous allure of the mafia, the weight of family legacies, and the potential for unexpected connections in a world defined by secrecy and ruthlessness.

masterlist

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is forced to return to the town where she was born for extraordinary reasons. Her father is extremely sick and on the verge of passing away. Alsfield has changed and is far from what she remembers and even though she lived in town until her high school graduation she barely recognizes it. The town hides a big secret from a few individuals that live in it including Y/N. The man who maintains the town's secret and protects it is no other than Harry Styles. Things take a sudden twist when they meet. Numerous things will impede Y/N from returning to San Francisco to her somewhat ordinary life, will she be able to abandon the town that she had successfully escaped the first time? What is the big secret that the townspeople are hiding, and what is Y/N's role in it? Who is Harry? Where does he come from? Had she met him before? And what does he want from her?

masterlist

Summary: Harry is just like any other college student. He is a senior in Chicago University. He keeps to himself except when he is spending time with his closest friends, Sarah and Mitch. His world revolves around his future career, friends, and family. His quiet and routine driven life takes a turn, one weekend when he meets Y/N Y/L/N. She is way too different from him. She spends most of her days surrounded by people who care for superficial and materialistic things. Her parents are never home, and they think that with money everything can be solved. They are both from different worlds yet something that night clicks and Y/N can never again get him off her mind.

masterlist || EXCLUSIVE FOR PATREON SUBSCRIBERS

[leiascully]

Can I request a smutty/angsty prompt? Mulder initiating more sex because he’s secretly having a bit of baby fever which opens a very serious (fight/?)conversation about having another kid. Set anytime after the truth

Here you go. 1500 angsty words; rated M for sexual situations. Trigger warnings for discussions of infertility, pregnancy, medical interventions, PTSD/trauma, etc.

They’re in South Dakota, maybe, in a small dingy motel room on the bad edge of town. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re together. They’re finally out of the car and she’s pushing her hands under the hem of his t-shirt and he’s unbuttoning her jeans and it hasn’t been that long since they made love (days? A week?) but she’s nipping at him like she wants to devour him. Time loses its meaning on the road, and so does space. But they’re here, both of them, and that’s all he cares about.

He kisses her breasts. They’re different than they were before: softer and lower, the shape of them changed. The breasts that nourished his son. He worships them with his mouth and his hands. She makes wanting little sighs and kisses his head. She’s quieter now than she used to be. Less free, maybe. In his apartment, she used to scream her pleasure. It’s not like the neighbors weren’t used to it.

Her nails prick at his skin. She’s grown them long, painted them red. He doesn’t like it much, but it does disguise her. And he likes the feeling of them scratching welts down his back. After everything, maybe he shouldn’t enjoy the pain, but it’s on his terms now.

He lays her out on the bed. The comforter is scratchy and thin under his belly as he wallows between her thighs. She moans and tangles her fingers in his hair. He’s grown it out. She brushes it tenderly off his forehead sometimes, but it’s better when she tugs at it like she’s doing now. He still can’t feel everywhere. Nerve damage from whatever happened to him. But the scratches, the prickling in his scalp, the slightly damp skin of her palm wrapped around his cock: he can feel those things.

She writhes under him, murmuring his name. He slides up her body. Her body is different too. Her belly is softer, rounder, striped with silver where their son stretched her skin.

He wants to have another baby with her. He wants to be there this time, to hold back her hair when she vomits and feel her belly swell under his splayed fingers. He wants to spill himself inside her. The urge is primal, nearly overpowering. His woman, splayed open under him. He loves her incandescently. He wants to fuck her through the cheap bed until her body goes limp with pleasurable exhaustion.

This urge to plow into her, to put his child inside her, terrifies him. The veneer of civilization is already rubbed thin by their transient life. They don’t need a baby with them in the car. But he wants to hear her call out his name, and he wants to lose himself in her body, and he wants to see the look on her face when she realizes they have been granted another miracle.

He prowls up her body to kiss her mouth. She licks the taste of herself from his tongue, greedy for his kisses. She’s in a wild mood. She sucks at his lip, lips at his nipple. He pushes two fingers into her, thumbs at her clit, makes her squirm under him. She gasps. He takes his cock in hand, rubs it between her folds. The slick head of it rests against her entrance. He can feel himself thick and heavy with need.

“Mulder, wait,” she says. “We need a condom.”

“I thought we could do without one,” he says, withdrawing just a little. His shaft slides against her clit and she arches into him automatically.

“I’m out of birth control,” she says. “We can’t.”

“I thought maybe,” he starts to say. “I thought we could try.”

“Try?” She looks up at him, puzzled, and then her eyes widen. She wriggles out from under him and sits on the bed, pulling her knees up and locking her arms around them. “Mulder, no. We can’t.”

“Why not?” He rolls onto his side. “I know it’s not the best idea.”

“Do you have any idea what I went through?” she asks. Her voice is quiet but it trembles. “Mulder, do you have any idea?”

“I know the birth wasn’t what you wanted,” he says, and trails off. Because the truth is that he doesn’t know. He wasn’t there. He knows she knows that. He was gone, and she suffered alone: not just the nausea but the fear. But he suffered too.

“I didn’t know if I would give birth to a child or a monster,” she says. “Was it a miracle, Mulder, or some strange experiment? I love him - I loved him - beyond all reason, but I still can’t answer that question. Every day, I was afraid. I was sick with it. Every minute I carried him in my body, I was afraid for his life and mine. And I was alone.”

“You wouldn’t be alone,” he offers.

“How can you ask me this?” There are tears in her eyes. “How dare you ask me this now?”

“I thought….” He shakes his head in frustration. “It doesn’t matter.”

She’s crying now, tears rolling silently down her cheeks. One hand is pressed to her belly. The other still clutches her knees.

He rolls out of bed. The moment is gone. His cock is already drooping. He drags on his underwear and a pair of shorts, finds his t-shirt. His socks and sneakers were discarded on the floor in a more hopeful moment. He picks them up and puts them on again.

“Going for a run,” he says, as if it matters what he says, and then he’s out the door.

It’s hot. The air shimmers above the road, and there’s nowhere to run but the shoulder. He starts too fast, relishing the way the air burns in his lungs. He doesn’t have the stamina he used to, but fuck if he’s limping back early. She needs her space. So does he. There’s a chasm between them he’ll never be able to bridge with words. He might have done it with his body if he hadn’t been so rash.

It takes two. But his yearning doesn’t stack up against her avulsion. He remembers the toll the IVF took on her. She can’t learn that William’s conception can’t be replicated outside of a lab. He understands that. She can’t lie on her back with her legs up, stare at a pregnancy test that refuses to reveal the results she wants, track her cycle. He remembers the shots and the mood swings. He remembers the way disappointment crushed her. He remembers the way her back ached the last month of her pregnancy, how she couldn’t sleep.

But god, he wants a child. He wants a family, with her. He wants their child. William.

Leaving felt like erasing their tracks. It felt like starting over. For a moment, he let himself be overwhelmed with the potential of it. Now he plods down the road, legs heavy, and begins to understand the nerve he’s touched. He’s angry, and he’s aching, and he’s mourning the peace they might have known. But she’s aching too, and furious, and guilty, and ashamed.

There’s a hole in their hearts where their family might have been. He can’t fill it. Instead, he runs away, across the baking plains. He runs until he’s tired and then he turns around.

The door is unlocked when he gets back to the motel. Not safe, not their protocol, but he left the key with her. He’s sweaty and covered in dust. He stinks. He’s exhausted. The room is dark when he enters. He looks for her in the bed. She isn’t there. For a moment, panic shoots through him. But the car was in the parking lot - he leaned against it to stretch.

As his eyes adjust to the dim, he realizes she’s curled up in the armchair farthest from the door, her feet tucked up under her. Her lashes are stuck together from crying. Her sleep looks uneasy but deep. His heart breaks a little at the sight of her. It hurts, too, to know he hurt her, and it hurts to feel his own pain unacknowledged. But the ties that bind them have been snarled and knotted for years. He knows the bite of that rope as well as he knows his own heartbeat.

He slides the comforter from the bed and tucks it around her. She murmurs in her sleep but doesn’t stir. The air conditioner rattles and hisses. The air in the room is icy as the blood in his veins. He gazes down at her. She’s made herself so small. That’s his fault. That hurts. Another cut to add to his thousand. Death has already come for him and spit him back up. Now he’s a walking wound, and so is she. He forgets that sometimes, or tries to. It didn’t work this time.

She hasn’t woken by the time he’s finished his shower. He should go find them some dinner, but he’s weary to the bone. He slides into the lumpy bed alone and pulls the thin sheet over himself. It’s cold, but he’s been cold before. He knows the lonely chill of the grave. It’s unwelcome, but so familiar he’s almost comforted. The sheet is a shroud. The room closes them in, a coffin for two, suffocated by the once-fertile earth of their dreams.

[starlightsreigns]

Never Ending | d. priest

summary: love is a never-ending cycle of happiness and heartbreak. Kennedy is no newcomer to this, but there's something so different about him and how much she cares. it's strange, but strange can be good.

warnings: brief mention of abuse, but other than that it's fluff!

word count: 3.1k (sorry but not really)

author's note: part two of my anti one-shots. part one is here! this might be my fav by far so thank you for voting for this one to be posted next! excuse the errors, and the lowercase is on purpose, sorry. wattpad kid here.

“why do it have to feel so strange to be in love again.” 

kennedy stretches out her body, reaching for her toes. she glares over at dakota and liv who haven’t started their stretches yet. early morning workouts meant the world to her, that and the fact that they had a long day that ended with a live show - they need to get started now rather than later. 

“you ready, kenny?" samatha plopped down besides her. “i have stuff I need to do.” 

a smile breaks out on kennedy’s face, “i love you, yes, cause those two are having the time of their lives.” 

she wasn’t actually upset with her friends. the last few months felt like hell on earth. the move to monday nights became a little harder than she thought it would be, kennedy loves her girls but spends most of her time alone to deal with her own shit. after the break up with her long term-2 years of wasted time-made her cry everyday for the last year-traumatized her beyond repair- boyfriend, peace and quiet was needed. she didn’t want to rehash the breakup, so no one knew they’d broken up months ago. it still felt so fresh, and after being moved away from smackdown, away from that routine, it just messed her up. 

kennedy needs that routine to keep her mind off of that man who destroyed everything she really loved about herself. she felt like a stranger in her body and at work. so much so, that she was worried that people were staring to notice the facade she was playing up, like now: 

“are you okay?” samantha askes as she spots kennedy. “you’ve been… quieter as of late, and i didn’t want to pry but you’ve been like that for a while.” 

what do you say to that? these women are her friends. they know her better than anyone else and she’s been lying about her happiness for so long that kennedy didn’t even know how she really felt. it was numb and cold. 

“i’m okay, sam, just tired and getting used to being on this new schedule.” 

not that she’d say it, but samatha doesn't mention kennedy’s boyfriend because she knew something was up. she refuses to be the one to bring that up. before she could call bullshit and before kennedy could conjure up another lie, dakota and liv joined them. it felt like a weight off kennedy’s shoulder, being able to fall into the background again. the illusion of being part of conversations is all she’s had now. 

“ghost in the mirror, i knew your face once but now it’s unclear..”

 

the group was biostorious as they spoke over one another. kennedy laughs softly trying to catch what the conversation was about. anecdotes get lost one after another as each person throws one into the circle. it was a jungle of conversation before the show could start for the night. kennedy rests an elbow on her crossed leg then places her chin on it, giving full attention to a story carlito is sharing. 

moments like this mean everything to her - because the pain subsides. there's no attention on her, but she feels included in something so bright and loving and playful. kennedy feels less lost, less confused, less dark and gloomy. 

carlito breaks his story with a cheer, and he points towards the entrance of catering. everyone turns to see what he’s hollering about. kennedy smiles as she sees damian walk in with dominik. damian chuckles at everyone’s playful cheering, going around to greet them. he bumps shoulders with carlito then gives him a hug. 

“what we doin’?” damian looks around the group. his eyes stop on kennedy who’s already lost in thought, her eyes sad like he’s noticed for the past couple of months. 

as someone else takes the reigns of the conversation once more, damian slyly takes the seat beside kennedy as karrion was on the other side of her. he lightly bumps her shoulder with his, smiling when her eyes met his. kennedy gives him a bright grin that doesn’t meet her eyes. damian leans into her and wraps his arm around her shoulder in a friendly manner. 

“you doin’ okay, kenna?”

a horrible nickname. but she saw it endearing. no one else calls her that.

he’s a sweetheart. he’s always been like that and kennedy didn’t mind his kindness. she needs as much as she can take before becoming needy. damian didn’t push her like most people did when they saw her shift in demeanor. it’s as if he knew just how much space to give her whilst always being there. 

kennedy nods, “very well.” she lies. 

“i can’t feel my body now, i separate from here and now…” 

most times, kennedy finds herself sitting alone. it’s all by choice. the silence helps her collect her thoughts and organize them. 

backstage was a constant buzz, but she found a way to tune it out. traveling with wrestlers meant constant noise, the noise that she used to contribute to with her loud laughs, but now she was a constant blank stare. 

she found solace in empty locker rooms, catering when the show started, her hotel rooms, bathrooms, the airport during early morning flights or redeyes, her headphones, and long car rides. anything to escape the questions that have begun to bombard her. the prying into her emotional state, her smiles and lack thereof, her weight loss. kennedy didn’t know how to hide it anymore. 

it was was like she was a passenger in her own life. she wasn’t in the front seat, she was in a minivan, watching her life pass on by from the third row. she was crying out to be let back into the front seat, but a ringing silence is what she was met with. sometimes the buzzing was soothing, but now it became enraging. 

kennedy sits in the empty hotel gym, staring into the mirrors. it was three in the morning, but sleep evades her like everything else in her life. a workout is the last thing she wants, so she slings her bag over her shoulder and leaves the room behind. there’s an eerie and comforting silence in the lobby but, it cracks with the sound of a group of people entering through the entrance. she recognizes the voices from a mile away and when a chorus of hellos comes her way, she musters up a smile and a wave in their direction as they head towards the elevators. 

“kenna,” damian branches off from the group who pile into the elevator. “long night?” 

“not as long as yours.” kennedy laughs softly and to damian. “fun night, mr.champion?” 

damian shrugs but the smile on his face betrays him, “you should’ve came with.” 

kennedy waves him off, “no no, but i’m so happy for you.” 

damian takes a moment to study kennedy’s face. he motions towards the seats in the lobby. there was a brief moment where kennedy wanted to form an excuse to disappear up to her room, but more silence felt like it could kill her today. so she follows him and they sit across from each other. they don’t talk for a moment. they simply stare at each other for a while. this should make her uncomfortable, but there's a softness in damian’s eyes that makes her trust him, that makes her unafraid to be here. finally, a smile breaks out onto her face, the first genuine smile damian has seen in the last six months. 

“ah, hermosa, there’s a real smile.” damian cheers quietly, leaning in. “tell me something.” he implores. 

“like what?” her voice a whisper. 

damian smiles, “anything you want.” 

for that she was thankful, and from that day forward, that’s what he’d do. his mission became to get a genuine smile out of her and get one random tidbit of information. it didn’t matter what she said. damian would take that random thing as the most important information kennedy could give. 

sometimes, she wouldn’t even have anything to say. he didn’t care. damian would sit there in that silence with her. 

“you know aaron judge has the 11th most home runs in yankees history?” he said one night when she had nothing to say. it made her smile. so he went on to give her aaron judge’s entire career highlights. just so she couldn’t have to talk. he did that a lot. kennedy knew more about yankees baseball than she’d ever think she would in her lifetime. 

that was his thing - sit and wait, no matter how long. if she had nothing, he’d fill that deafening silence for her. sometimes, he’d be prepared with a deck of cards for them to play a random game of spades, or bullshit, or simply stack the cards over and over again until kennedy was ready to call it a night - no matter how long that took. 

that broke the ice. and kennedy was thankful for that. 

“a lost connection, come back to me, so i can feel alive again.” 

kennedy felt better, not great, but she was slowly feeling like a human again. eight months and counting, and she’s finally opening herself up again, but some days are tougher than others. it was a work in progress. 

as the show wraps for the night, kennedy ties her hair into a low bun, lost in her own train of thought as the women pack up for the night. with her headphones on, she turns to look for the face of the one person she was driving to the next city with - it was rare that she drives with someone nowadays, but the silence was no longer comforting to her and she agreed to ride with kayden but now she was nowhere to be found. 

a text comes through as she searches. 

damian priest: i’m your ride tonight. 

kennedy’s smile is mixed with confusion as if he was there. 

kennedy: what did you do with kayden, priest? 

damian priest: can’t tell you. i’ll be in the parking lot. 

it was weird how excited kennedy was for this four-hour drive. this was usually the part of the day she was dreading, especially when riding with someone, but there was comfortability that they have with each other that eases all her anxiety. it was comforting being in his presence and damian would reciprocate that, but he was too afraid of scaring her off by saying anything like that to her. 

kennedy spots him right away. he leans against the car, hands in his pockets, scooping out the parking lot. when he sees her, he smiles like this is what he has been waiting for all day. everything about this was calming and kennedy gratefully took the passenger seat as he loaded her bags in and took the driver's seat. soon enough, they were on their way. 

the ride was quiet for a while. after seven hours of constant noise, they ride in comfortable silence. 

“you’ve never asked,” kennedy finally breaks the silence. when damian sends her a questioning look, she clears her throat. “you’re the only person who never asked me what happened.” 

damian nods in understanding, “if you wanted to tell me, kennedy, you would, but i’m okay just being here for you without having to know.” 

that makes kennedy stop for a moment. she studies the side of damian’s face as he drives. for the first time, she realizes the feelings that fill her stomach every time they’re together. it makes her take a deep breath and allow herself to finally say the things she never imagined saying out loud to anyone.

“he cheated on me,” she whispers, blinking away the tears. “he took the ring back, and when i confronted him about it, he… he beat me until i couldn’t breathe.” kennedy finishes, both afraid to look away from him and for him to respond. 

damian glances at her in shock. he doesn’t say anything briefly as he focuses on the road. then, he pulls over to the shoulder of the highway while kennedy looks in confusion. when he puts the car in park, she turns to him, worried that she’s made him uncomfortable. but he only grabs her hand. 

“one, thank you for telling me, kenna, you can trust me.” damian brushes a finger over her hands. “and if you tell me where he lives i’ll kill him.” 

this was the most free she’s felt in almost a year. kennedy closes her eyes with a smile, shaking her head. damian pulls her into a hug and rubs a hand on her back.

he whispers into her ear, "I'm always gonna be here for you, my love."

'my love' echoes in kennedy's ear like a foreign word.

“as a soul and body try to mend…” 

“why is this your favorite music video?” damian laughs while he looks down at kennedy who rests her back on his shoulder. 

kennedy exaggerates a sigh, “listen, everyone would say that thriller or smooth criminal or something like that is the best video but there’s something so special and captivating about the simplicity of beat it.” she turns to look at him. “like, i’m not bashing those videos cause they’re amazing, but beat it has something special and the fact that he had to pay it all himself because his record label didn’t believe in it.” 

damian listens to the passion in her voice as she defends the music video. he can’t himself but smile as she rambles on. when kennedy finally realizes he’s staring at her, she stops abruptly and sinks into the couch in slight embarrassment. 

“sorry, this is so dumb.” she laughs, biting her bottom lip. 

“nah, c’mon, tell me your second favorite MJ song.” damian begs. 

she thinks for a moment, “it’s a tie between who is it and human nature.” 

kennedy watches as damian thinks. she knows he’s trying to figure out a song to say that’ll impress her. when he says dirty diana, she raises an eyebrow and waits for him to explain that choice. it intrigues her because it reminisces beat it in the way the guitar plays. 

“i can’t explain it,” damian chuckles. 

a year since her breakup has come and gone. 

kennedy doesn’t know how she got here or how she's overcome it. a year and two months feels like six years when she’s with damian. so much so that she missed the year mark because they spent the day at the beach, soaking in the sun and as much ice cream as their bodies could handle. now, she can see that he did that on purpose. she’s thankful for that too. 

that pain feels nonexistent now. it’s replaced with something that scares her to death. 

“it’s pulling me apart this time, everything is never ending…” 

it has to change. kennedy can’t go another day living in this uncertainty, in this paralyzing state of wonder where she theorizes how she can ruin this relationship. it’s not fair to her and this is not fair to him. the days aren't cloudy anymore, but she misses her constant sunshine in the form of the 6’5 Puerto Rican. 

the fear of something new drew her away. first, it was less time together backstage, then she started riding with other people, which led to ignoring calls and texts. kennedy didn’t know how to deal with this, and bless his heart, damian didn’t push her. he knew better than to hover, even when all he wants is to talk to her. he knew she had to figure it out. damian didn’t worry about her, because her smile never fades now, even if they aren’t directed at him. 

kennedy sits with kayden as they watch a TikTok they want to recreate. she groans at the sheer amount of work they have to do to accomplish it while kayden beams with excitement. kayden glances up for a moment then looks over at kennedy. 

“there’s damian, you not gonna say hi?” she peers up. “you guys were inseparable, and now…” kayden waits. 

“i plan on talking to him later, he’s busy, i don’t need to interrupt him.” kennedy semi lies. 

a three-hour show feels like six when someone is anxious and unfortunately, kennedy feels like a personification of anxiety. it was only intensified by the cup of iced coffee that dangles in her grasp as she walks down the hallway. how much more of this confusion can she take? as if the universe chooses to answer the question, damian exits a room and walks in her direction. 

kennedy is still so lost in her thoughts, that she doesn’t see him from down the hallway. when they pass each other, damian stops and watches her for a moment, then shakes his head not wanting to do this anymore. 

“kenna,” he calls out. kennedy turns to meet his eyes in light shock. “can we talk, please?” 

he holds a hand out for her that she reluctantly takes. damian leads them to an empty office. kennedy sits on the cold fold-out chair that makes her shiver. she crosses her leg trying to calm herself while damian pulls a chair up in front of her and sits. 

it’s quiet. they stare into each other's eyes as they usually do, but it's not the same now. this is more intense and is filled with something new. she leans back into her chair and bounces her leg slowly not wanting to be the first one to break. damian gives her the faintest smile and she cracks - kennedy smiles back at him with a small huff.

his smile disarms her. 

damian pumps his fist in victory then leans in to take her hand, “what’s happenin’ with us?” he squeezes her hand to comfort her. “i thought everything was getting better and we were close - i’m thinkin’ you need a little space but now you avoiding me and i don’t know what to do.” 

“it’s not you, damian, and im so sorry you feel like that. it’s all just complicated and confusing.” kennedy sighs, focused on their hands. “im so lost.” 

his hands are warm. damian scoots his chair closer and waits for her to meet his eyes again.

“i’m never gonna force you to do anything, kennedy, you know that.” damian soothes. “i’m in love with you, and im willing to wait, as long as you’re willing  just be here with me.” 

those words make kennedy’s heart race. she looks into his eyes knowing that he’s telling the truth. their hands are still intertwined in their silence. kennedy raises her thumb and squashes his which starts a thumb war - the smile on her face radiates in the room, intensifying the feelings in his chest. they play the game until he wins the last round. 

“i win, what do you say?” he grins then kisses her hand. 

kennedy gets up carefully and moves onto his lap. damian wraps an arm around her waist, waiting to hear what she’s about to say. she keeps one of their hands intertwined and rests the other around his neck. 

“i’m literally so fucking petrified, but i really like you, im willing to just be here with you.” kennedy speaks softly. “because i love you too and i don’t know how to deal with that.” 

“let me deal with it for the both of us,” damian presses his forehead against hers. “i’ll hold everything for you, kennedy.”

“why do it have to feel so strange to be in love again.”

-------

ahhh, hope you enjoyed this one :) one of my favs

[teamcavota]

50 milo murphy's law facts

5 not so fun and 45 fun!

Not so fun to start!

The only Milo Murphy's Law official merchandise is a notebook released in Japan for the MML X PNF crossover.

Disney actually apologized to Dan (and I assume Swampy) for the treatment of Milo Murphy's Law. Dan has expressed frustration at the MMLs treatment before, citing the Hiatus between s1 and s2 and the fact it did not air on the main Disney Channel.

Doof appears in more episodes than Cavendish and Dakota in s2 (this is the real reason we needed a s3). Also, while PNF/Doof stuff was planned from the start, Disney did push for more PNF.

When season 2 was airing, new episodes would randomly be released in other countries.

Milo was cut from CATU due to a feeling from Disney that audiences would not recognize his cameo.

ok LAME ones out of the way

On the first drawing of Milo there are three names beside it: Milo, Mikey, and...Monty. As you probably know the Mikey one got pretty far and is the name used in the pitch bible (and was referenced with "I am Mikey!".) The reason Mikey was changed to Milo was not a creative choice, but because there was a popular YouTuber named "Mikey Murphy."

Speaking of, Milo was also just going to be another character apart of a different pitch, but Dan kept thinking he should go into his own show. He went to Swampy and asked him what he thought of Milo (at the time Mikey) and the idea of a show about Murphys Law. it took them about an hour to come up with the concept pitch.

You can find several of MML song dubbings on YouTube and other platforms. Most notably the Japanese version (マイロ・マーフィーの法則) highly worth checking out. Fun fact in a fun fact, Doof and Dakota also share the same voice actor in this dubbing.

In re-airings of some of the first MML episodes, second versions were made that included Cavendish and Dakota in the background.

Yes, Melissa was originally going to feel the lasting effects of the pistachion uprising by remaining looking like one instead of Bradley having his arm turned into a vine. This would have been a source of conflict for her in season 2, but in the end they felt it was too much of a change. As far as Bradley's plant arm it was originally only going to come out sometimes before it was changed to being a constant thing. He does have feeling in this arm.

The Island of Lost Dakota's was going to include a scene with merman Dakota's ("merkotas"). There was also going to be "mutation" Dakotas, such as ones with multiple heads.

There exists a live action version of the Milo Murphy's Law theme song. well, sorta, watch it

Before Milo came out Dwampy made the song "we're gonna do it again."

MML was originally set to debut in early 2017.

Weird Al did not originally come to mind for Milo. One of the idea voices they had was Noah Z Jones (Fish Hooks). They auditioned hundreds of people for Milo, but many had issues such as sounding too nervous in their lines. It wasn't until Alex Hirsch (Gravity Falls) posted a photo with Weird Al that Dwampy realized he'd be perfect for the role.

Sara is based on a friend of Dwampy.

In tune with the popular headcanon/fan theory, it's possible they did actually consider making Cavendish a descendant of Milo. When Cavendish was going to agree he also liked Milo, he was going to say he was his descendant. *this may have also just been a joke line

Milo and Cavendish are meant to mirror eachother in the fact Milo deals with Murphy's Law and Cavendish is the "author of his own misery" in regards to things going wrong.

Another thing they considered was the possibility of Dakota and Cavendish being in a romantic relationship, but they ultimately decided they wanted them to have them represent a strong male friendship.

The Milo Murphys Law crew did keep up a fanart and concept art wall. Here, here, and here are some photos.

There was a baby Cavenpus cut from final productions.

There are no official ages for Dakota and Cavendish. Dan has said he believes Cavendish to be older, while Joshua Pruett has said he believes Dakota to be the older one and by a bit of a margin.

Pistachios came to be a thing in the show because a son of some of Dan's neighbors had been allergic to specifically pistachios. They needed an idea for the larger plot and somehow those two came together. (Swampy also notes it's a funny word).

Several of the scripts for MML storyboarders included just the words, "and Murphy's Law happened."

Dan has made at least one Vinnie Dakota dedicated Tiktok similar to his Doof ones.

The Doof and Dakota lines were recorded together, back and forth.

Melissa was going to have a hamster nemesis named Ham. In the Pitch Bible the name wasn't included, but it's explained it was a pet class hamster that would always escape and end up on her things.

The secret handshake Milo and Zack do in scream-a-tourium was intended to be longer.

The studio executive for MML originally thought The Island of Lost Dakota's was a joke idea until he read the script.

There was a MML kids menu at Disneyland circa 2016.

Dakota and Cavendish were originally not in the shows ideas, nor was any B-plot, but being used to it in PNF the writers room felt they "needed something to cut away to"

Joshua Pruett pitched for the MML x PNF crossover for where when Milo opened his backpack to pull out the thing he needed to save the world it'd be...Phineas and Ferb.

Dakota is the reason parking tickets exist, as he can be a bit careless about leaving time vehicles all over the place. Dakota is proud of this.

Melissa's likeness and name is based on Dan's daughter Meli, as to sorta "balance out" Isabella also being based on his other daughter.

They considered a twist where Bob Block would be an alien wearing a face mask.

"Cavendish Farms" is an episode that never came to be pitched by Pruett where in order to track Cavendish Dakota would try to duplicate Cavendish, though none of them would quite be Cavendish. One of the Cavendishs would have a heart to heart with Dakota, while Doof would ultimately call out Dakota for what he's doing and tell Dakota "you already know what he would do." dwampy rejected this idea because this was a bad idea, to which pruett felt that is exactly why Dakota would have tried it. if renewed, pruett would have tried to convince them more on it.

Chop Away at My Heart was originally called "Jump Jump Jump" and was made for another project by one of Dan's friends. After Dan have asked to transform it into something else for Milo, Joshua Pruett suggested a "Lumberjack themed boyband" in the script.

unfortunate split for character block limit

Dakotas voice was inspired by Elvis Costello. It's also the harder voice for Dan in comparison to Doof.

Mark Hamill originally auditioned to play a teacher on the show, but Dwampy liked his audition so much they decided he'd better fit Mr. Block.

In the MML pitch bible it is stated, "Mikey has a destiny to fulfill, something vital to the future of the planet." The goal of Cavendish and Dakota would be to make sure he stays on the right path.

There IS a full version of We're Going to the Zoo, which was played by Dan in this interview at 3:00:30. Several MML songs have had full versions leaked, implying this is probably the case for some other songs too.

Like several other characters, Sara in the MML pitch bible was different from her show counterpart, being "a hipster like Thora Butch in Ghost World."

The song "A World Without Milo" is based on the song "Happy Together" by "The Turtles"

Almost every character, including creatures or minor one-offs had a name in the script. An example is "Pia," the name of the poodle Diogee falls in love with.

In regards to when Dakota talks about cutting through the Mesozoic in First Impressions and the fact it is illogical, Dan says this is likely just Dakota being Dakota (aka, it was a mistake), and not every such line should be taken serious.

In a deleted "Snow Way Out" line it was confirmed that the raccoon in Going the Extra Milo and Fungus Among Us is recurring raccoon.

Brick and Savannah were going to have a role in the crossover.

Story ideas from the MML pitch bible that never came to include a beach episode, a Friday the 13 episode, and an episode where Cavendish and Dakota try convincing Milo to take a self defense class leading to conflict with a hidden ninja gang.

For unspecified characters (probably multiple different sets) Pruett wrote in hugs that were cut by (mostly) Dan. In response, he says he "put 4 in so at least 1 stays."

S3 would have likely included: A third Block (yes, still voiced by Mark Hamill and a Block "family meeting"), Milo creating the universe, Dakota and Cavendish getting the promotion they wanted but being unsatisfied, Elliot cleverly being connected to the overarching plot, AU exploration (akin to pnf) including an episode where Dr Zone is real, and a conclusion to the Prof Time arc. The overarching plot would have been the "biggest yet."

credits to: danvillecheese for suggestions + encouragement, cheetochild989 for facts the fact about going to the zoo and a world without milo, the 2nd dimension on YouTube, my hamsterward friends, and of course all the talented people who worked on MML :3

[bambi-kinos]

Why do you think Paul keeps saying to this day that John was really sweet. He really wasn't. He treated everyone like shit including Paul. Because he feel he has to? Because he was killed and people made him into something he wasn't? I don't blame John for this ). Or but because he was in love with him and that's what he remembers. John doesn"t deserve it. He's even overrated. Both P and G was/is better. I just don't get how someone like Paul who's a better man, artist and person keeps giving J so much credit. I'm not a new fan of the Beatles or Paul. I really can only see it that he was in love with him.

What else is Paul supposed to do?

Idk man I think Paul is just doing his best with what he has. He's never going to get closure on their relationship. He's never going to get an explanation that satisfies him. So he has to work with what he's got.

You have the wrong end of the stick on this, Paul isn't trying to give John credit that he hasn't earned. Paul is trying to move on from what John did to him by focusing on the good moments and remembering who John was before he was brain damaged by heroin and LSD. If your boyfriend has a TBI that changes his entire personality, is that really your boyfriend anymore? Is he really still himself? These are the questions Paul has wrestled with and it looks like he's realized he's never going to get an answer.

So he's focusing on what he does know which is that the John he knew and fell in love with was a sweet kid who sometimes let his insecurities rule him. But he was still a loving person who cared about Paul and was his closest friend for years.

Furthermore: if John was actually the raging dickhead that the internet thinks he is then he would not have had any friends to begin with. People with truly no redeeming characteristics who are assholes all the time don't get friends who defend them even after they die. The truth is that John was not actually a prick all of the time. Otherwise no one could have stood being around him. Paul calls John sweet because he knew the John that was a sweet guy, the guy that Paul loved.

You're also falling for John's own propaganda a bit. John never stopped projecting the image of being a cynical hard bitten street tough that intimidated everyone into submission with his temper. John occasionally admitted that all of this was an act (see his comments at playacting the Teddy Boy image while not actually being a gang member and why he felt he had to do it.)

But the truth is he never stopped projecting the "I'm an asshole you better not fuck with me" thing. All of this "I'm an irredeemable asshole I hate George and Paul!!!" is pure fakery. The very qualities you don't like were fabricated in large part by Yoko as part of a propaganda campaign, and from what I've read in the Dakota Years memoirs, this propaganda was out of John's control from the moment he started the Lennon Remembers interviews. John is just as much a victim of information warfare as Paul is, he just reacted to it differently and used it to barricade himself away from Paul.

That doesn't mean you have to like John or feel sorry for him or agree with Paul's decisions to try and leave the damage behind. You are reacting to the fact that Paul is visibly in pain when he talks about this stuff. He's bleeding in public and there's nothing no one can do to help him. The wounds are permanent. It is, in fact, rage inducing. John isn't here to speak for himself and try to explain. What else can we do as observers except be angry.

But Paul McCartney is 82 years old.

He's close to the end.

He doesn't want to do that, doesn't have time for it, doesn't want to spend his last years rehashing this shit.

Is there an alternative for him? All he can do now is try to make peace with it while he's alive and then he can finally get closure with John when he moves on to the next stop.

Paul doesn't call John 'sweet' for the sake of John's image. He does it to remind himself of the boy he fell in love with in 1957. Because he doesn't have a lot of time left and he wants to spend it being in love with John, not being angry at him. Paul is doing this for Paul. Simple as.

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

anyone else think vyncent in a vator is actually a really cool look into each of their minds during the grey-scale arc

like maybe it's just me and my inability to see anything that isn't directly handed to me but that's where i first got vyncent and how he’s so used to relying on others judgement in this new strange world that he doesn't know what to do when he's faced with a decision and how his distrust of himself ends up making him an enabler of william

literally the first line "i'm a hero in a 'vator cause i didn't know what i should do; but i'd rather leave here than stand on in fear at what me and william put them through" he’s not shifting the blame onto william, he knows he’s responsible too, but he’s not doing anything about it. he’s running because it’s hard and he doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t trust himself

"everything was fine when dakota was there" he relies so much on dakota as their moral compass that everything collapses when he leaves. and not even really as a moral compass, more as a second opinion. he needs another person to go up against williams judgement cause he can’t do that himself

"we were defending prime without a care" he's not used to this. he's not used to having to make hard decisions. he doesn't want to! why can't someone just tell him what to do! tell him what the right answer is! how is he supposed to decide what to do when he’s from an entirely different world! so he doesn't choose. he runs away and hopes that someone else makes the right decision. and yet, in a way, he does make a choice there. he chooses to run and hide

"i hope that tides alright” and yet you didn't do anything to stop william from doing that to him did you? you just stood there and watched

"vyncent whose a hero; stuck on level zero" you call yourself a hero and yet you’re nothing without your friends, nothing without someone to tell you what to do, what to choose

"i am running but he's out there facing my friends or who used to be" he's running and he hates it but what is he supposed to do?

"they'll come up with a plan that we will all adore" they will. they'll do something. don't worry, somebody else will figure it out

"i'm just vyncent who is clueless; vyncent feeling useless" he doesn't know what he's doing. or maybe he does but he doesn't trust himself to do anything right

just aaaaaaaaa! does anyone get me? do you guys understand? i don't even know if i can do it justice

and don’t even get me started on william

he’s trying so desperately to do the right thing but it’s hard and it’s complicated and god he wishes he could just be like dakota and see the world in black and white

so he’s just trying desperately in this world of gray

like the bang bang bang part where he sounds so evil and cruel (to his own friends no less) but then “…i take a look at tide; the only way out is alive; i know i’ll never pay this debt; at least the good news is they’ll forget” he’s so lost. he doesn’t even feel that this is the right thing to do but it’s the only thing to do. and maybe they won’t remember this but william will and it’s almost worse that they’ll forget. that they’ll never know the terrible things he’s done. that they’ll keep on loving him even when he doesn’t deserve it

“and i can’t help but hear dakota in my ear” oh thank goodness! dakota’s still there! there’s hope! there’s light!

“he says what would a hero do; but i’m not you” he’s not like dakota. he’s a bad person who does bad things that hurt people. he’s not a hero

“wiwi in a hallway with his brother; two wrongs will make a right!” hey! he’s trying his best! he’s trying his absolute best but it’s hard! he’s going to fix this

“thought he was just chillin’; now he is a villian” how idiotic of him to think that he might be good, that he might be a hero

“he’s always such a bummer; he wants to trust his brother” and the way he’s says that last line, he know it’s ridiculous, he knows it’s a lost cause, but he wants so desperately for himself to be proven wrong

he feels so hopeless. this is a terrible thing he’s doing but he can’t see a better option. he’s trapped and he’s scared and he’s bitting and howling like a rabid beast

like i know it was just a silly opening that they did but i hold vyncent in a ‘vator really close to my heart

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Off Limits

Summary: Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader -> Four times Colter told people (mainly his brother) you were off limits, and the one time he proved why.

Disclaimer: Mostly fluff, a little hint of angst towards the end but happy ending. Not Proof Read.

It was safe to say yourself and Colter Shaw had known each other for a long time. 

You had both met on a fishing trip. Well, he had been on a fishing trip. You had been looking for your idiot brother who had decided to just disappear. 

Colter helped you across the rocks to the creek and watched as you tried to find…something. That day he helped you and the rest was history. 

You kept in contact over the years, which meant it wouldn’t be totally uncommon if you ended up speaking to some of his other friends. Even maybe meeting some of them. 

However, it was a few years before you met his family. 

And it started with his brother, Russell. 

You were helping Colter on a case in South Dakota. 

A friend of a friend that you went to college with had gone missing. And, you knew just the man for the job. That man also happened to be lugging around another one of him who was just a little more…rough around the edges. 

“Do you just happen to be friends with all of the beautiful women, Colt?”

Colter got a little awkward. “Meet my brother, Russell.”

“Nice to finally meet you. Colter’s mentioned you a couple of times. Nice to put a face to the name.”

“I’d say the same but…Colter didn’t mention anything about you.”

As the day went on, you could feel Russell’s gaze drop to you often before he’d throw out a flirty line and a dashing smile. 

And Colter caught the whole lot of it. 

“Okay, so what about you and her?” Russell finally got to ask his brother when they were sat down eating and you had headed off to the bathroom. 

“What about me and her?” 

“Are you…is there something? Or do I have a shot?”

Colter sighed with a small smile. “No, we’re just friends.”

“Great.”

Russell went to stand but Colter grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back down. “But she’s off limits.”

“Okay, okay. Mind letting go?”

“Sorry.”

Colter let go quickly and moved back into his seat. “We’ve been friends for years. I’m doing her a service.”

“Colt, I’m your brother. Shouldn’t you be doing me the service?”

Colter just dead-eyed him. “I’m doing her a service.” And then he took a bite of his pie. 

Russell accepted it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy rustling his brother’s feathers every now and then by turning the flirting scale up a tad every now and again. 

The second time Colter said you were off limits was at a charity auction. 

You had been invited per a family friend’s invitation and needed a date. And when you lightly threatened to call his brother instead, Colter agreed. He was already in the area, but at least it stopped him from leaving town so quickly. 

Whilst there, Colter was questioned three times by three different men; all asking if you were with Colter, or with Colter. To which, he answered truthfully, but also made sure that they knew you were off limits when it came to him and that night. 

“Tomorrow, you can ask her what you want, and she will give you an answer, but for tonight gentlemen, I am her date. Excuse me.”

Colter couldn’t help but hold you just a little tighter when on the dance floor, after the constant questions. 

The third time Colter told someone you were off limits was to his brother, again. 

It had been a birthday party for you, thrown together by one of your work colleagues and Reenie. Russell just so happened to be also looking for his brother. And he knew exactly where to find him. 

Like normal, Russell flirted with you. A little more so when Colter was within direct eye-line of you both. 

And you couldn’t help but smile. 

However, once the cake had been cut, Russell came back to his brother. They talked for a moment but when you came back into view, Russell put his cake down. 

“I think I’m gonna go and wish the birthday girl a happy birthday.”

However, Colter forced a small laugh and grabbed his brother by the back of his collar. 

“Okay, just because you’re as tall as me now, doesn’t mean I’m not stronger.”

“She’s off limits.”

“Still?”

“Russell.”

“Colter.”

“Boys.”

From behind them both, Reenie appeared. 

It was the first time in a long time they’d both had the feeling of being caught doing something they shouldn’t. 

The fourth time Colter told someone you were off limits was, once again, to his brother. 

Teddi and Velma were throwing a small dinner party, and had invited you, Colter, Reenie and Bobby to join them. And, since Russell was close by, he was invited to. 

“My god, as I live and breathe.” 

You turned around, balancing the cake you brought on the flat of your palm. 

“Russell,” you smiled, softly. 

“You know, I’m starting to think it’s fate. The birthday party, now this?”

You hummed. “Oh, I’m sure. I’m also sure one of the fates is inside the house plotting your death.”

“Still off limits?”

You nodded. “Colter’s a man of his word.”

“So…you…made yourself off limits?”

“Relax, I like you, Russell. You’re a good man. You’re just not…my man.”

“Ah,” Russell nodded. 

He had an idea about what you meant when you said ‘my man’, but until he saw proof, he couldn’t be certain. 

So he still flirted. Maybe a little less, but he was a big brother after all. Wasn’t it his job to annoy his little brother?

However, the final time Colter told someone (Russell) you were off limits…he didn’t have to say it. Because the fearsome look in his eyes said it for him.

It wasn’t often he managed to get back to the States to see his brother, but when he did, he always made sure to stay close until Colter had left the state he saw him in. 

Only, he didn’t seem to leave as quickly as he had come. 

So, when he went to visit him one morning, he was also there to witness a call that changed everything. 

Reenie had also come to visit and was going to grab lunch with you, except you got called away for a meeting and suddenly everything shut down. Including the backup generators. And then the fire alarm went off. 

There was a fire and Reenie couldn’t get a hold of you. 

So, in a fit of panic after asking thirty different staff members if they had seen you, she called Colter. 

Russell watched as his brother’s heart seemed to stop. Tears of panic and fear grew behind the front he tried to put on. 

“What’s going on?”

“Y/n’s missing and there’s a fire at the school. Reenie’s still trying to find out what’s going on. I need to find her.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Colter might have broken four different road laws, but he couldn’t care. You were worth it. You were worth everything to him. 

By the time he pulled up outside of the school, he was pushing through waves of students and teachers to find Reenie. 

“Colter!”

“Reenie, have you seen her?”

“No, not yet. But she’s still not answering her phone.”

“Why wasn’t she with you?”

“She got called away to a meeting. I was waiting for an hour or so in her office when everything shut down. They’re still trying to get the power back on, but…Colter, I don’t know where she is.”

“We’ll find her. She can’t have gone far, right? She knows these buildings like the back of her hand.”

Reenie nodded. “Only thing is, we don’t.”

“Call Bobby, maybe he can send us something. Anything.”

Russell nodded, pulling out his phone. “I’ll call him.”

“She’ll be okay, right? She’s okay.”

Reenie nodded. “She’s smart. And tough. Hopefully she’s just stuck on the other side of campus and can’t get reception.”

The longer time passed, the more worried Colter became. 

Bobby sent through the blueprints but without knowing where the meeting was, they had no idea where to start. 

“Did she mention what the meeting was about?”

Reenie shook her head. “No. Nothing.”

“What about her desk?” Russell asked. “A post-it, a diary, anything.”

“Reenie?”

“I-Maybe, I don’t know. Something about Kindred or Kinder or…something like that. I can’t really read her handwriting.”

“Kindrich.” Colter said out loud. 

“Maybe? Again, I don’t know.”

“If anyone pulled her in for an emergency meeting it would have been Kindrich. He runs the Life Sciences building. This way.”

Reenie and Russell hurried after Colter, almost losing him in the sea of students along the way. 

However, the closer they got to the life sciences building, the closer the smoke from the fire seemed to get. 

And when it came into clear sight, Colter started running. 

He was calling out your name.

“Reenie! Call her again!”

She was doing so just as Colter thought he heard someone call his name. 

He called out for you again. 

And then there you were. 

“Colter.”

“Y/n.” 

You ran towards him before crashing into him as you lifted your arms to hug him, and he did the same. 

“Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you? You’re warm. What- were you in the fire?”

“I’m okay. Everyone’s okay.”

Then he kissed you. 

Deeply. Passionately. Desperately. 

And then he hugged you again. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, breathing him in before you remembered;

“Reenie.”

“She’s okay. She’s with Russell.”

Looking around, you finally spotted her and ran towards her, too. 

“Are you okay?” you both asked as you hugged. 

“I was trying to call you but-”

“There’s no reception on this side of campus. And if there is, it’s spotty at best.”

“Next time I’m coming with you. What even happened? The power went down and then there were just fire alarms everywhere.”

“There was a fault with one of the machines in the building. Funnily enough, that was what the meeting was about. Finding something to replace the machines. And when the power went down, something in the labs went up in smoke.”

“But-but you’re okay? You’re not hurt?”

You shook your head. “The medics checked me over. I’m fine.”

“Medics?” Russell asked. 

You looked around nervously. “I might have ran back inside a couple of times to help get students out.”

“You’re not supposed to-”

“I know, I know, I know but they’re just kids. The important thing is no-one got hurt.”

“But you could have.”

“But I didn’t. Colter, look at me.” You took his face in your hands. “I’m okay. I promise.”

“Okay,” Colter finally accepted what you were saying, kissed you quickly before he hugged you again. 

Then Russell cleared his throat. “So, um, how long has this been going on?”

“Russ,”

“No, no. I’m your big brother. I’ve got to look out for you. Did mom ever give you the talk?”

“Okay,” Reenie said, trying to move on. “How about we get some lunch, and maybe some wine?”

You nodded, walking towards her, allowing her to link her arm with yours as you left Colter to fend for himself with his brother. 

“Russell, please don’t.”

“You see, when two people love each other very much…”

[racerchix21]

It’s the Buck Moon Evan Buckley

Summary: Evan isn’t the only one who knows a bunch of random facts. Something Tommy takes pleasure in proving when he asks his boyfriend on a moonlit chopper flight.

Buck Moon for reference

Work Text:

Tommy’ll admit he’s gotten more and more fascinated with the moon and the stars since he and Evan met. Not to say that he wasn’t fascinated before but since meeting Evan everything’s been intensified by 1000 because his boyfriend is always spouting off factoids he’s learned over the years. The longer they’re together and the more comfortable they’ve gotten with each other the more he’s fallen for the guy.

This morning had been perfect, he’d woken up with Evan wrapped around him like an oversized koala bear and enjoyed watching him sleep. How much younger and relaxed Evan looked than he had the night before when he’d walked in the house and immediately collapsed on their couch to cry. At some point he’d kissed Evan awake before they’d gotten up and made coffee and gone their separate ways. Tommy to make sure everything was in place for his proposal and Evan to go hang out with Maddie and Jee.

Now hours later he’s leading the love of his life across the tarmac and he’s nervous. He’s about to ask Evan for something huge and he knows Evan’s gonna say yes that’s not the issue it’s just that he’s been this in love before and he’s worried that it’s too soon.

He hurriedly wipes his hands on his jeans before reaching over to grab his boyfriends hand where it’s clutching his elbow, sliding it down to lace their fingers together. “We’re almost there, Ev. Then I’ll answer all your questions.

“Tommy where are we going,” Buck tries asking again following Tommy’s lead. Not that his boyfriend had given him much choice since Tommy refused to give him any clues no matter how much he’d begged. “TOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYY,” he begs trying a different tactic.

“EVVVVANNNN,” Tommy parrots back. “We’re almost there, I promise. Look here we are now you ready for this babe.”

“You’re gonna take me flying,” Buck asks. “What happened? Did I forget my birthday or your birthday? I forgot something didn’t I?”

“No, babe I just wanted to take my pretty boy up to see the full moon tonight. Now up ya get sweetheart,” he grins. “I can always give ya boost if you want one baby.”

“Thomas, you touch my ass we’ll never leave the ground and I don’t think there’s enough room in the chopper to fuck,” Buck answers climbing into the seat and going through the mental checklist Tommy taught him during their first flying lesson.

“Alright here we go,” Tommy says as they begin they’re assent to the skies.

Buck gasps as they come level with the moon and he glances over at Tommy. “So what’s so special about this moon that you wanted to show me?”

“It’s the Buck Moon. July is the month when a bucks antlers are in full growth mode,” Tommy answers now feeling kind of silly. “It’s a Native American belief and this isn’t the least bit interesting is it?”

“It is actually. My man knowing a whole bunch of stuff about the moon and what the Native Americans called things is amazing. Now what else did the tribes call this moon?”

“Well the Cree called it the Feather Moulting Moon and to the Tlingit’s it’s the Salmon Moon because the salmon came back and we’re ready to be harvested. There’s a bunch of others that are more berry and plant based from the Dakota’s Moon When the Chokecherries are ripe to the Cherokee’s Month of the Ripe Corn Moon,” Tommy rambles off glancing over to see a look of pure love and adoration on Evan’s face.

“So it has to have some sort of meaning right,” Buck asks smiling at him again.

“It’s funny you say that because I wanted to ask you something important and the Buck Moon is supposed to be a period of setting intentions and embracing change.”

“New change huh? What kind of change you wanna talk Tommy?”

“The kind of change like you and I sharing a home and a name. So will you Evan James Buckley marry me,” Tommy asks holding the small velvet box out.

“A million yeses. Now I suggest you put this chopper down so I properly show you much I love you Thomas Jude Kinard and so I can give you something. I was gonna ask you to marry me next weekend when we went to the lake with the dogs but you beat me to it.”

“Well you can still ask me next week if you want so your big plan doesn’t go to waste,” Tommy says teasingly. “I’m gonna say yes by the way.”

“I love you T.”

“And I love you Ev.”

Tagging: @rdng1230 @waywaychuck @kneazle @sinderellanightwolf @ohlookitsthearkhamknight @betterkeepmewetterthanabayou @bidisasterevankinard @geekwarrior107 @consumedbyfeels-reblogs @practicallybegging @jaxkssn @princessjackstiara @brsboyer @evansboyfriend @helishmelli @kyellin @verschlimmbesserung @whats-our-motto @houseofevanbuckley @justagirlwantinghership @bucksxkinard @girlwonder-writes

[sirshio]

I promised you all a long essay on Cavendish and his autism, so here it is. But first, some notes.

Disclaimer number 1: there are headcanons about Cavendish's parents and childhood, but they logically connect to his behavior.

Disclaimer number 2: I'm an autistic person and this essay is about my own experience with this disorder. Though many traits are common for autistic people, it's possible you won't find your issues because I don't have them.

Disclaimer number 3: I'm not a therapist (not a professional one at least, just a huge fan of psychology and a child of a therapist), but I’m a person who deeply relates to Cavendish and wants to share this with fandom.

Disclaimer number 4: English isn't my first language, so sorry for possible mistakes and all this stuff, I’m doing my best.

Well, let's start with something small and not so noticeable and then move to things that are almost impossible not to see.

- his gestures. Not only that moment in "Smooth opera-tor", where he squishes a gummy bear (and Dakota said that he "hypnotized himself"), because I assume that this action is recognizable as pretty autistic without explanations.

Have you noticed how he holds his hands together (what is important, when he was young, too) or clenches them in fists? I'm not sure if these actions do have a name (a type of stimming probably), but I do the same pretty often and in completely different moods, I just like to FEEL my body and my skin, this is a soothing and nice feeling, and when I'm nervous, it helps to calm down a little (let's remember how in "First impressions" Cavendish entered Mr. Block's office).

Another gesture that is important to mention is when Professor Time called him by his name and Cavendish literally squealed and held his hands close to his cheeks (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”). Not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, so I decided to mention this scene too.

(Him touching and holding Dakota will be in another section, though it's somewhat about gestures too)

- his speech. Again, I have no idea if him using rare words (for example, the word “scrumptious”) is an autistic trait, but I like to do this, mostly because I have a special love for words and I like when my speech is as "bookish" as possible, and him quoting Shakespear “the game is afoot” makes me relate to him too, sometimes I like quoting authors from the past. Another thing that I find important is that Cavendish (unlike Dakota) looks like a well-mannered and polite guy, but sometimes it is Dakota who shows politeness and knows how to talk to people nicely. For example, in "The little engine that couldn't" Dakota uses some polite clichés in his conversation with Milo and confuses Cavendish who understands them literally. Or in “Field of screams” Dakota teaches Cavendish how to ask politely (in the scene with that man who believed in aliens). I think that these two examples show different autistic traits that I have too: understanding everything literally and being (slightly) confused about communicating with other people. Like, why should I ask politely? Why should I be nice to people I don't personally like?

- him listing places where Dakota should've put Time Grenade instead of a hollow pumpkin (in “Milo’s Halloween Scream-a-torium”). Again, I'm not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, too. I love lists.

- his love for rules. As an autistic person, I like to read rules, to make rules (in the most pedantic way you can imagine) and to follow them (of course, literally) - but I follow only rules I understand and like. So I can relate to young Cavendish enjoying both reading rules for time vehicles and using them, but I can also relate to Cavendish who broke rules and wanted to steal some cool gadgets with Dakota (in “Abducting Murphy’s law”). He doesn't like these rules, that's why he easily disrespects them (and actually likes it). I still don't know why I love rules (and I know this is common for autistic people). Maybe because they help to make life predictable, maybe because they help me to behave "in a proper way" and to be accepted... or both at the same time.

- him talking to himself. Once again, I'm not sure if this is autistic or not, but I do this pretty often.

When I'm excited and/or anxious about doing something new, I often talk to myself, like: "Okay, Shio, let's get going, you can do it!" Remember "First impressions", a scene where young Cavendish sits in his student car and is very proud of himself? The same situation, I think.

- him being a Professor Time fanboy. Remember the scene where our gang visited Doofenshmirtz and Cavendish was so excited about seeing his idol (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”)? Above all, he mentioned he has underwear with Doofenshmirtz's image and offered to show them. Well, it was done as a joke, but this is something I can relate to. If I met my very special idol (I assume that Doof is that figure for Cavendish, he actually said that), I would want to share something personal about myself with them. Not my underwear, of course, but still.

- the way he acts and how he expresses emotions. I believe that's very popular among autistic people, that often it's very hard to suppress our emotions. There are more things that cause emotions (things that are just okay for others), we're somehow more emotional than other people (at least I am) and often don't think if this is appropriate to express these emotions right now. I was told to "act normal and quiet" A LOT of times throughout my entire life, and I only was being sincere with myself and my feelings. Let's look at Cavendish, his emotions and how he expresses them. At the beginning, he seems to be calm and well-mannered, but the more we see, the more we can understand that this is not true. He can pretend to be calm, and the way he does it makes me think that his parents had no idea (and didn't want to have this idea, to be honest) how to raise an autistic child. I'm sure that every time little Cavendish got emotional and was acting "inappropriate" (I say it once more, it's really common for autistic people), he was told to calm down and to be normal. That's why (maybe, but this is my headcanon) he pretends that he's super calm and "above all those sillies". But when he's either in a comfortable situation and feels safe and secure (with Dakota, naturally) or gets really emotional - or both - he lets himself be sincere. He exclaims in joy, he shakes Dakota or holds him close, he acts like a dedicated and overhyped fan (over Professor Time, I mentioned this before).

- him focusing on "wrong" things. Again, that happens with me really often. For example, in “School dance” Mr. Block tells these two to do their job because they have no proof Milo is a special agent, but all that Cavendish got from his speech is that he is allowed to find this proof, because this is what is interesting and important to him, which means he stopped listening after that. I can relate so much!

- his somehow childish behavior, especially in episodes with Dennis, his teddy bear. I found a great post by @heloflor . You SHOULD read it right now, before you end my essay.

Autistic people grow in another way, it's different from other people. In some areas of life we're more mature that other people of our age, and in some we're much more immature. I think this is because autistic children aren't allowed to have a childhood that they need. We're very uncomfortable (because the world is scary, there are loud noises, cars can kill you, being in a crowd is a life-threatening situation) and we can't even help ourselves or even express how afraid we are because This Is Inappropriate. Adults near us don't understand our special interests, they think getting stuck with them is a sign of developmental delay, that we're forever mentally infants. We even can't have our comfort objects that help us to live in this very scary world, because - let's repeat again - This Is Inappropriate. Heloflor wrote a really good post about Cavendish's comfort object, please go and read what he thinks about it!

So, to sum up: Cavendish is not childish, he tries his best to deal with his life, he hasn't really had a childhood and tries to fulfill what he needs now.

Before I'll continue with my analysis of Cavendish's autistic traits, I want to talk about his (pretty low) self-esteem. Of course, it's connected to his mental disability, but it is not the same. As we can see, Cavendish needs praise from someone, he needs to be told that he’s done something right, he can't understand it by himself. He and Dakota saved the world? He can't accept that he did good without praise from Mr. Block. What is also important is how he reacts when someone scolds him (in “Time out” there was a scene where where Cavendish lost a vial of strange liquid that caused rat mutation and Brick scolds him). Just look at him at this moment, he is like a child when his parents are angry at him.

This all makes clear that in his childhood his parents weren't happy with his behavior and never told him anything good about him. If a person can't value themselves, this means their parents didn't value them, didn't love them for who they are (or didn't show this love enough and properly). I believe that it is very difficult for Cavendish to understand that he can be loved because he is, well, Cavendish (NO SHIO PLEASE DON'T QUOTE DAKOTA NO).

When someone has a really low self-esteem, but at the same time has somebody who loves him (as a partner, as a friend, as a relative…), there are several ways to act about that (they may mix). First is to do everything for this person, to become a perfect friend/partner/child/etc. Because only when you're perfect, you deserve love. Always to be by their side, always to understand their feelings (without them telling how they feel), always to share their interests. And I mean always, like, really always. Second is to do something not nice on purpose, something that will annoy this person or make them sad, just to show them that you're NOT nice and do NOT deserve love. (I believe there are more ways, but I know only these two). And I think Cavendish chooses the second way in “Abducting Murphy’s law”, where he loses his temper when Dakota doesn’t believe him.

This whole episode (“Look at this ship”) is another important thing about Cavendish and his autism. First, it seems that Dakota is the closest and the most important person for Cavendish, he believes him, he feels comfortable with him, he feels that Dakota understands him and his special needs (just look at this post about a teddy bear), so it's natural that Cavendish expects Dakota to believe him that he saw an alien ship, but Dakota doesn't, and it's when Cavendish gets emotional and throws a tantrum. I don't excuse him, but I can relate. When someone that is so precious and dear to me, who always understands me, suddenly doesn't believe me, I feel hurt and not needed, I want to leave this person, I think that they are better off without me. And I think that is exactly what happened to Cavendish. Of course Dakota didn't deserve that (in fact, he said that he believes in Cavendish's belief, what means he respects him even without fully understanding), but again, Cavendish’s reaction is normal for someone like him. I believe that his parents never really cared about his needs, his emotions and so on, so Dakota who does this became the most important person. This makes his disbelief even more hurtful. And in addition, Cavendish already was very upset because of them being fired and treated clearly not as he wanted. All this make his emotional condition really bad, and Dakota's words were the last straw.

Second, the alien ship itself is for me a big metaphor for autism. There's something that is important to us (be it a sensor overload, a special need etc.) that other people don't see and don't understand. And some (a lot of) people will never understand, no matter how hard we try to explain. Sometimes it's devastating, sometimes we begin to fear that there's really nothing, sometimes we stop believing ourselves (a scene where Cavendish tries to prove that there's an invisible ship and jumps on it, but at this exact moment there is really no ship). Why didn't he just take Dakota to this thing? Because he already hadn’t believed him, and this is enough. Cavendish tries to get validation from some “experts” (journalists), but all that is in vain.

In addition, I think it is really important that this ship is alien (and not just invisible). Because for other people we are like aliens. We don't understand your rules, your emotions, your culture, we act strange and inappropriate, we are weird… And often you just think we imagined all this, that we are weird or crazy. We don't exist, like aliens.

One more thing before I end this pretty lengthy essay. I'm so glad that in this series people with mental disabilities and issues (like Cavendish) don't look like cute little orphans from a sweet holly story who are so easy to be compassionate with. No, sometimes they are selfish jerks and it's difficult to build a relationship with them. And I think this is really, really important. We are not “quirky and adorkable cuties”, we are people who are often difficult to be with. And it is difficult to be us.

Phew, this is a long essay. I hope I haven’t forgotten anything important! But if you think I have, please feel free to reblog and add :) And I hope you liked what I’ve written.

I wasn't planning to get emotional, but I clearly failed, because Cavendish is so special to me.

P.S. my Tumblr app is crazy, it doesn't allow me to make a post with actual screenshots, that's why I took photos of a screen instead :( sorry for inconvenience.

[spinchip]

“I’m sorry about your hair.” Nya says from the comfort of the bathroom doorway. Not inside, close to the halo of hacked brown locks, but not entirely outside- close enough to reassure but with a quick escape would be easy, if this conversation was unwelcome.

Dot makes a soft humming noise as she trims the fringe framing her face, her eyes exhausted but resolved as she makes sure the sides are perfectly even, “hair grows back.”

“Still, though.” Nya fidgets with the doorknob just to do something with her hands, “You loved your hair. Was there really no saving it?”

“The matting was too severe.” Dot says lightly, “Besides, even if there was a way to save it… well, it’s a bit too late now.”  she sweeps chunks of her once long hair into the garbage bin by the toilet. The pixie cut is strange and foreign on her, to Nyas eyes. She’d only ever know Dot with hair long enough to brush her lower back.

Dot grabs her canes and makes her way towards the door. There’s still hair on the floor, but Nya wisely doesn’t comment on it. In all the years she’d now known Dakota, she was never one to leave a mess. She wasn’t okay, and Nya doubted that handing her a broom would do anything to help. She backs up so Dot can join her in the hallway, and she follows her as she heads to the kitchen.

“I’ve never seen your hair this short.” She says because she’s really not sure what to say, “Even in the pictures with you and Leo it was to your shoulders.” there’s a pause, “It looks nice!” She adds awkwardly, suddenly acutely aware she may not be making things better.

Though Dot doesn’t seem to mind. She grabs a water bottle and tucks it under her armpit as she leads Nya back out of the kitchen, “It was short most of my childhood.” She says conversationally, “Chemo started young so all my hair fell out, then after remission right as it started getting long I had a recurrence and had to go for another round. I kept it short out of habit for a while after that- not this short, maybe similar to how I had it cut in those old photos.”

Nya had long since stopped comparing Dot to Zane, but sometimes she’s still struck with just how different the two masters of ice were. When it came to difficult topics, you’d need a can opener to get Zane to cough up any details. Dot had no qualms discussing the traumas of her life, with only the great devourer attack being a sensitive subject- but even then, if you asked she was willing to discuss.

So why Nya thinks to herself am I so scared to ask about the Never Realm?

They go out to the garden along the side of the monastery, fresh flowers blooming and a sweet hanging screen hanging in the air. Dot settles down on the bench there, setting her crutches to the side and cracking her water bottle to take a sip. This had always been her favorite spot in the monastery, and doubly-so after the Never Realm. She sits out here in the sun for hours, soaking up the warmth and lost in thought. Nya sits down next to her, feeling only a little like she’s intruding.

“Are you okay?” she asks quickly, ripping off the bandaid.

Dot had her head back, basking in the sunlight when Nya asked. Her lips curl into a sad smile as she cracks her eye open to look at nya in her peripheral, “Of course not.”

And maybe this hesitation Nya was struggling through was rooted in that tiny little smile. That was the most emotion she’s shown in the days since she came back- a small, starved thing that struggled past the apathy settled like weights along her shoulders. That just wasn’t natural. Dot cried over spilt milk- she cooed at cute animals and pouted when she lost board games and laughed and smile so loud and so bright you knew she was happy two rooms away.everything Nya knows about her indicates the fall out should be an atomic bomb going off, but instead the monastery is quiet and still and Dot doesn’t do anything but sit out here in the sun.

“I’m sorry.” She offers again.

Dot sighs and Nyas never heard her sigh like that, either. A put-upon, tired thing. Exhausted, “I know you mean well, but i don’t really like to hear apologies when I’m having a rough day.”

Nya blinks. That was certainly news to her, “Oh, uh, I’ll try to stop then. Why haven't you said anything before?”

she closes her eyes again, “I heard it all the time as a kid. Started to really grate on my nerves, but I usually don’t say anything because I know it's largely a sign of sympathy. It feels rude to shoot someone's sympathy down like that… the truth is I just don’t like it.”

There’s a lull in the conversation. Nya doesn’t know where to go from here, so they just enjoy the sunlight together.

A light breeze ruffles Nyas hair right before Dot speaks again, “I know everyone is worried about me.” she states plainly.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be okay.” Dot reassures her gently.

Nya looks away, “After seeing you up on that throne-” Dot flinches, but Nya barrels on, “I just don’t know how anyone could bounce back from that alone. We’re here for you, all of us are.”

There’s another long silence.

Nya continues, “...if there’s one thing I've always thought I knew about you, it's that you feel your emotions very deeply and very openly. I haven’t seen you cry once since you got back.”

The breeze liberates a few flowers from the dogwood above their heads and the white flowers trickle to the ground like falling snow.

Dakota swallows thickly and sits up more, she hesitates for a moment before speaking, “...I have had a lot of bad experiences throughout my life, Nya. I don’t think I’ve gone ten years without a new tragedy.” She starts, looking down at her hands where she is twisting her fingers together as she strings together her words, “granted, this is much different than just another hospital stay… but after each of those events I just needed time. A lot happened here, most of it stuff that I feel a great deal of shame, pain, and guilt over. I’m working though my thoughts and emotions mostly internally right now, because I don’t think I could handle the fallout if I fully unbottled these feelings just yet.” She explains.

“I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to go through this alone.”

“I’m not. I actually do have someone I’ve been discussing things with-” Her eye slickers to air next to her, but Nya’s looking at the flowers drifting in the wind and doesn’t quite catch that, “and I've slowly been letting the pressure off. Think of it like cracking a coke a little and waiting for the carbonation to go down? That way it doesn’t go exploding out of the bottle.”

Nya chuckles a little at that, “I like that analogy.” The grin slides off her face as she thinks everything over and Dot notices.

“Listen, Nya… when bad things happen, sometimes the only thing you can do is accept that this is the way it is. I can’t change the past, I can’t stop what has already finished, but I can choose where to go from here.” Dot smiles weakly again.

Several long moments pass as Nya really absorbs what Dot says before she responds. With a small returned smile, Nya leans over and bumps Dots elbow with hers, “Well, please remember you don’t have to figure it out on your own. you’ve got plenty of people who are here to help, okay? We love you.”

“I love you guys too.” Dot smiles again, and it’s genuine this time.

[bizlybebo]

supposed to be doing work right now but i seriously can’t stop thinking about this

(HUGE SPOILERS FOR PRIME DEFENDERS S2 EP16)

—-

like. this is what i’m talking about when i’m always going on about dakota being willing to give his life up to free ashe, with the phrase “would you choose a different [body]?”

the trickster picks up on this too and it’s such an insane 30 second exchange of dialogue that seriously just. paints the dynamic between these characters so well.

it also cements such a solid veer in dakota’s motivations because just earlier this episode, he was going on about “when ashe saves herself from the trickster”. once actually face-to-face with the trickster, dakota realizes how real shit is.

it makes the horror of this thing that took over ashe just that much more terrifying— you can say something is scary all you want, but for the characters to express fear in their own ways, even if they’re trying so hard to mask it, is what makes the horror feel more genuine. dakota was worried, and his first instinct was saving ashe no matter the cost to himself.

[denimbex1986]

We are lucky to be alive in the age of Andrew Scott, an actor of extraordinary breadth, skill and sensitivity, who can terrify as Jim Moriarty in Sherlock, make us fall in love (inappropriately) as the hot priest in Fleabag and cry in All of Us Strangers. He can also astonish, last year playing eight parts in a stage adaptation of Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya. He recently became the first actor to win the UK Critics’ Circle awards for best actor on stage and screen in the same year. And his latest project, Ripley, is a beautiful and chilling adaptation of the Patricia Highsmith novel The Talented Mr Ripley, with Scott playing the lead, dominating all eight one-hour episodes. It’s been a wild, crowning year for the 47-year-old Irish actor. But in March his mother, Nora, died of a sudden illness; she is who Scott has credited as being his foremost creative inspiration. His grief is fresh and intense and for the first half of the interview it seems to swim just beneath the surface of our conversation.

“We go through so many different types of emotional weather all the time,” he says. “And even on the saddest day of your life you might be hungry or have a laugh. Life just continues.” We are in a meeting room in his management company’s offices, talking about his ability, in his work, to modulate between emotions, to go from happy to sad, confused to scared, all within a matter of seconds. How does he do it? Scott laughs. “I would say that I have quite a scrutable face — is scrutable a word? — which is good or bad depending on what you are trying to achieve. But my job is to be as truthful as possible in the way that we are, and I don’t think that human beings are just one thing at any particular time. It is rare that we have one pure emotion.”

It’s an approach that is particularly appropriate for the playing of Tom Ripley, an acquisitive chameleon who inveigles his way into the lives of others (in this case Johnny Flynn, as the careless and wealthy Dickie Greenleaf, and his on-off girlfriend Marge, played by Dakota Fanning). “Ripley is witty, he is very talented. That’s gripping, to watch talent. I can’t call him evil — it is very easy to call people who do terrible things evil monsters, but they are not monsters, they are humans who do terrible things. Part of what she [Highsmith] is talking about is that if you dismiss a certain faction of society it has repercussions, and Ripley is someone who is completely unseen, he lives literally among the rats, and then there are these people who are gorgeous and not particularly talented and have the world at their feet but are not able to see the beauty that he can see.”

The show was written and directed by Steven Zaillian, the screenwriter of Schindler’s List. It’s set in Sixties New York and Italy, and filmed entirely in black-and-white, its chiaroscuro aesthetic evoking films of the Sixties — particularly those of Federico Fellini — while also offering an alternative to Anthony Minghella’s saturated late-Nineties iteration that starred Matt Damon and Jude Law. This has a darker flavour. “I found it challenging,” Scott says, “in the sense that he’s a solitary figure and ideologically we are very different. So you have to remove your judgment and try to find something that is vulnerable.”

It was a tough shoot, taking a year and filmed during lockdown. Scott was exhausted at the end of it and had intended to take a three-month break, but delays meant that he went straight from Ripley into All of Us Strangers. “Even though I was genuinely exhausted, it was energising because I was back in London, I was getting the Tube to work, there was sunshine,” he says. “I found it incredibly heartful, that film, there were so many different versions of love … I feel that all stories are love stories.”

All of Us Strangers, directed by Andrew Haigh, is about a screenwriter examining memories of his parents who died when he was 12. In it Scott’s character, Adam, returns to his family home, where his parents are still alive and as they were back in the Eighties. Adam is able to walk into the memory and to come out to his parents, finding the words that were unavailable to him as a boy. Some of it was filmed in Haigh’s childhood home, and there was a strong biographical element for him and his lead. Homosexuality was illegal in the Republic of Ireland until 1993, when Scott was 16. He did not come out to his parents until he was in his early twenties. I ask if he was working with his own childhood experiences in the film. “Of course, so in a sense it was painful, to a degree, but it was cathartic because you are doing it with people that you absolutely love and trust. I felt that it was going to be of use to people and I was right, it has been. The reaction to the movie has been genuinely extraordinary — it makes people feel and see things, and that isn’t an easy thing to achieve.”

The film is also a tender and erotic love story between Scott’s character and Harry, played by the Irish actor Paul Mescal. The two found a real-life kinship that made them a delight to watch on screen and off it, as a double act on the awards circuit. “I adore Paul, he’s so, so … continues to be …” Scott pauses. “Obviously it’s been a tough time recently and he just continues to be a wonderful friend. It’s everything. The more I work in the industry, I realise, you make some stuff that people love and you make some stuff that people don’t like, and all really that you are left with is the relationships that you make. I love him dearly.”

Scott and Mescal were also both notable on the red carpet for being extraordinarily well dressed. Scott loves fashion and has a big, well-organised wardrobe that he admits is in need of a cull. “I don’t like having too much stuff. I really believe that everything we have is borrowed — our stuff, our houses, we are borrowing it for a time. So I am trying to think of people who are the same size as me so I can give some of it away, and that’s a great thing to be able to do.” One of his favourite labels is Simone Rocha. “I love a bit of Simone Rocha. What a kind, glorious person she is. I just went to her show.” Fashion, he says, is in his DNA. “My mother was an art teacher, she was obsessed with all sorts of design. She loved jewellery and jewellery design. Anything that is visual, tactile, painting, drawing, is a big passion of mine, so I have tremendous respect for the creativity of designers.”

Today Scott is wearing Louis Vuitton trousers and a cropped Prada jacket, dressed up because he is collecting his Critics’ Circle award for best stage actor for Vanya. I ask how it feels to have won the double, a historic achievement. “Ah …” he says, looking at the table, going silent, having just been so voluble. “I’m sorry …” His voice cracks a little. “It’s bittersweet.”

At the ceremony Scott dedicated the award to his mother, saying of her “she was the source of practically every joyful thing in my life”. Is it difficult for him to carry on working in the circumstances, I wonder. “Well, you know, you have to — life goes on, you manage it day by day. It’s very recent, but I certainly can say that so much of it is surprising and unique, and there is so much that I will be able to speak about at some point.”

He is looking forward, he says, once promotion for Ripley is over, to taking some time off, going on holiday, going back to Ireland for a bit. He has homes in London and Dublin. To relax he walks his dog, a Boston terrier, dressed down in jeans and a hoodie “like a 12-year-old, skulking around the city” or goes to art galleries on the South Bank — he was considering a career as an artist until he was 17 and got a part in the Irish film Korea. He goes to the gym every day, “not, you know, to get …” he says, flexing his biceps. “More that it’s good for the head.” He is social, likes friends, likes a party. When I ask if he gave up drinking while doing Vanya, which required him to be on stage, alone, every night for almost two hours, he looks horrified. “Oh God, no! Easy tiger! Jesus … Although I didn’t drink much, I did have to look after myself. But we had a room downstairs in the theatre, a little buzzy bar, because otherwise I wouldn’t see anybody, so I was delighted to have people come down.”

Scott was formerly in a relationship with the screenwriter and playwright Stephen Beresford and is currently single, although this is not the sort of thing he likes to talk about. He is protective of his privacy, not wanting to reveal where he lives in London, or indeed the name of his dog — but he swerves such questions with a gentle good humour.

He is famous on set for being friendly and welcoming, for looking after other people. “The product is very important, but most of my time is spent in the process, so I want that to be as pleasant and kind as possible. I feel like it is possible to do that, that it is an honourable goal.” He is comfortable around people, with an easy charm — no one I have interviewed before has said my name so many times. And although when we talk he sometimes seems reflective or so very sad, there are also moments when he is exuberant, silly, putting on accents. “I feel like, as a person, I am quite near my emotions. I cry easily and I laugh easily, and there is nothing more pleasurable to me than laughing.”

Scott was raised a Catholic and is no longer practising, but says his view about religion is “ever changing — I definitely have a faith in things that cannot be proved”. When he was younger and felt overwhelmed, just before or after an audition, he would go to the Quaker Meeting House in central London and sit in silence, something that made its way into the second series of Fleabag, in which Scott’s priest takes Waller-Bridge’s character to that same meeting house. “It’s just around here,” he says, standing up, looking out of the window at Charing Cross Road. “When Phoebe and I first talked, we met at the Soho Theatre. We talked about love and religion, we walked all around here. And I said, ‘This is a place I go,’ so we called in and there was no one there, so we sat in there and we talked. It was a really magical day.”

Scott says he sees all the different characters that he has played as versions of himself. “It’s like, ‘What would this version of me look like?’ rather than, ‘Oh, I’m going to be somebody else.’ You filter it through you, and you discover more about yourself. I think that is a very lucky thing to be able to do, to find out more about yourself in the short time that we are here.”

[thunderheadfred]

Trying not to let it get to me but I’m not doing a great job. The chronic fatigue + breastfeeding combo is brutal. I can feel postpartum depression creeping up on me despite my SSRI and all the coping skills in the world. It’s a vicious cycle. No energy to enjoy happy baby time. Only awake for being screamed at or painfully fed upon. I’m so tired I don’t even wake up when baby cries anymore. Splitting headaches most of the time, whole body inflammation and soreness. Feeling like I am burdening partner with taking care of me and baby, like I’m barely doing my part.

Thankfully partner is helping with everything and isn’t an asshole, but it’s getting kind of nuts in my brain. Idk. It might work better for me to pump exclusively? At least that would be on a predictable schedule that I could try to sleep around? But I feel guilty, or like if I do anything except breastfeed, I’m doing it wrong and denying baby something critical. Which is nonsense I know. But. Just. Zero brain left.

I should be catching up on Dakota to go back to classes in the fall, but I can’t do anything except feed baby and sleep badly. I’ve done maybe ten rows of knitting since coming home from the hospital. I tried to cook breakfast today just to do anything different, and now I feel like someone beat me up and threw me off a Chinese squid boat.

[coca-coeli]

this is for later reference, when I actually start posting about the minnesota au

ponyboy curtis

- his family moved up to duluth after their parents died to go live with family friends, the Mathews

- originally from owatonna, in south mn

- the curtises had a small family farm, pony hates that they had to leave it behind

- becomes interested in lake superior and ships, since it’s so ingrained in the culture

- starts drawing ships and landscapes, starts to consume his waking life

- often bikes down to lake superior to calm down, later on johnny shows him a lot of the little natural wonders

- desperate to find a purpose for himself in the world

- later on works at the maritime museum as a tour guide

- bikes around everywhere, usually with johnny who’s the only other person who has a bike

keith mathews, aka mathews

- him and his mom used to move all over since his mom was searching for job opportunities, now in duluth because she has a steady job as top manager of a carhop place near their house (a & dubs)

- the curtises are living with them for a while until they can get their feet off the ground in duluth

- originally from montana, but has lived in owatonna (where he met the curtises), two harbors, pierre (south dakota), and now duluth

darry curtis

- arranged the move, pony hates him for it

- works at a shipping company, loading coal

- also hunts with steve, bringing home decent income and decent food

- still skis, and begins making friends with people outside of the gang while he’s there

- works at the ski hill in the winter, when he can’t hunt

sodapop ‘pepsi’ curtis

- works at the nearby auto shop, the boys there call him pepsi

- likes duluth plenty, doesn’t mind a thing about moving. more suited for city life

- doesn’t get cold, gives all his coats and hats to pony (drives darry wild)

- once summer rolls around, swims in just about every body of water he can find

steve randle

- works at the auto shop and occasionally at buck’s place (hates buck, likes the money and the decorations)

- likes deer hunting, has a slim alliance with buck (since he buys deer skins and antlers from steve to decorate his bar)

- the better hunter between him and darry

- doesn’t spend a lot of time at home, prefers working

- keeps his hunting guns in the mathews/curtis house so he doesn’t have to go home to hunt

- though mathews’ family is better off, steve has the most money out of the gang (due to a mix of responsibility, a pretty good income, and a lack of a family to feed)

- originally from iowa, moved up north around five years before the curtises came around

dal winston

- came up from chicago

- homeless but always ends up under someone’s roof to sleep

- tries to get johnny under a roof too, but johnny prefers camping out

- gets cash from occasionally bartending at buck’s place, often breaks in on off-hours to get food for him and johnny

johnny cade

- homeless, unemployed

- has a bunch of different spots he camps, usually far away from people

- excellent fisherman, eats fish whenever he doesn’t feel like sticking around for meal from the mathews/curtises

- runaway, nobody knows where from

- no purpose until pony comes along with enough restlessness to jog johnny’s desire for more

- later works at the maritime museum with ponyboy

- constantly swimming in the summer. knows a hundred little watering holes and has swam in all of them at least three times

- has the most expensive coat of the gang (it was shoplifted via a dallas and mathews double team event)

- has a cheap bike that he leaves at the the mathews house

adding playlist here…