#thats the way the cookie crumbles

[spinchip]

“I’m sorry about your hair.” Nya says from the comfort of the bathroom doorway. Not inside, close to the halo of hacked brown locks, but not entirely outside- close enough to reassure but with a quick escape would be easy, if this conversation was unwelcome.

Dot makes a soft humming noise as she trims the fringe framing her face, her eyes exhausted but resolved as she makes sure the sides are perfectly even, “hair grows back.”

“Still, though.” Nya fidgets with the doorknob just to do something with her hands, “You loved your hair. Was there really no saving it?”

“The matting was too severe.” Dot says lightly, “Besides, even if there was a way to save it… well, it’s a bit too late now.”  she sweeps chunks of her once long hair into the garbage bin by the toilet. The pixie cut is strange and foreign on her, to Nyas eyes. She’d only ever know Dot with hair long enough to brush her lower back.

Dot grabs her canes and makes her way towards the door. There’s still hair on the floor, but Nya wisely doesn’t comment on it. In all the years she’d now known Dakota, she was never one to leave a mess. She wasn’t okay, and Nya doubted that handing her a broom would do anything to help. She backs up so Dot can join her in the hallway, and she follows her as she heads to the kitchen.

“I’ve never seen your hair this short.” She says because she’s really not sure what to say, “Even in the pictures with you and Leo it was to your shoulders.” there’s a pause, “It looks nice!” She adds awkwardly, suddenly acutely aware she may not be making things better.

Though Dot doesn’t seem to mind. She grabs a water bottle and tucks it under her armpit as she leads Nya back out of the kitchen, “It was short most of my childhood.” She says conversationally, “Chemo started young so all my hair fell out, then after remission right as it started getting long I had a recurrence and had to go for another round. I kept it short out of habit for a while after that- not this short, maybe similar to how I had it cut in those old photos.”

Nya had long since stopped comparing Dot to Zane, but sometimes she’s still struck with just how different the two masters of ice were. When it came to difficult topics, you’d need a can opener to get Zane to cough up any details. Dot had no qualms discussing the traumas of her life, with only the great devourer attack being a sensitive subject- but even then, if you asked she was willing to discuss.

So why Nya thinks to herself am I so scared to ask about the Never Realm?

They go out to the garden along the side of the monastery, fresh flowers blooming and a sweet hanging screen hanging in the air. Dot settles down on the bench there, setting her crutches to the side and cracking her water bottle to take a sip. This had always been her favorite spot in the monastery, and doubly-so after the Never Realm. She sits out here in the sun for hours, soaking up the warmth and lost in thought. Nya sits down next to her, feeling only a little like she’s intruding.

“Are you okay?” she asks quickly, ripping off the bandaid.

Dot had her head back, basking in the sunlight when Nya asked. Her lips curl into a sad smile as she cracks her eye open to look at nya in her peripheral, “Of course not.”

And maybe this hesitation Nya was struggling through was rooted in that tiny little smile. That was the most emotion she’s shown in the days since she came back- a small, starved thing that struggled past the apathy settled like weights along her shoulders. That just wasn’t natural. Dot cried over spilt milk- she cooed at cute animals and pouted when she lost board games and laughed and smile so loud and so bright you knew she was happy two rooms away.everything Nya knows about her indicates the fall out should be an atomic bomb going off, but instead the monastery is quiet and still and Dot doesn’t do anything but sit out here in the sun.

“I’m sorry.” She offers again.

Dot sighs and Nyas never heard her sigh like that, either. A put-upon, tired thing. Exhausted, “I know you mean well, but i don’t really like to hear apologies when I’m having a rough day.”

Nya blinks. That was certainly news to her, “Oh, uh, I’ll try to stop then. Why haven't you said anything before?”

she closes her eyes again, “I heard it all the time as a kid. Started to really grate on my nerves, but I usually don’t say anything because I know it's largely a sign of sympathy. It feels rude to shoot someone's sympathy down like that… the truth is I just don’t like it.”

There’s a lull in the conversation. Nya doesn’t know where to go from here, so they just enjoy the sunlight together.

A light breeze ruffles Nyas hair right before Dot speaks again, “I know everyone is worried about me.” she states plainly.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be okay.” Dot reassures her gently.

Nya looks away, “After seeing you up on that throne-” Dot flinches, but Nya barrels on, “I just don’t know how anyone could bounce back from that alone. We’re here for you, all of us are.”

There’s another long silence.

Nya continues, “...if there’s one thing I've always thought I knew about you, it's that you feel your emotions very deeply and very openly. I haven’t seen you cry once since you got back.”

The breeze liberates a few flowers from the dogwood above their heads and the white flowers trickle to the ground like falling snow.

Dakota swallows thickly and sits up more, she hesitates for a moment before speaking, “...I have had a lot of bad experiences throughout my life, Nya. I don’t think I’ve gone ten years without a new tragedy.” She starts, looking down at her hands where she is twisting her fingers together as she strings together her words, “granted, this is much different than just another hospital stay… but after each of those events I just needed time. A lot happened here, most of it stuff that I feel a great deal of shame, pain, and guilt over. I’m working though my thoughts and emotions mostly internally right now, because I don’t think I could handle the fallout if I fully unbottled these feelings just yet.” She explains.

“I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to go through this alone.”

“I’m not. I actually do have someone I’ve been discussing things with-” Her eye slickers to air next to her, but Nya’s looking at the flowers drifting in the wind and doesn’t quite catch that, “and I've slowly been letting the pressure off. Think of it like cracking a coke a little and waiting for the carbonation to go down? That way it doesn’t go exploding out of the bottle.”

Nya chuckles a little at that, “I like that analogy.” The grin slides off her face as she thinks everything over and Dot notices.

“Listen, Nya… when bad things happen, sometimes the only thing you can do is accept that this is the way it is. I can’t change the past, I can’t stop what has already finished, but I can choose where to go from here.” Dot smiles weakly again.

Several long moments pass as Nya really absorbs what Dot says before she responds. With a small returned smile, Nya leans over and bumps Dots elbow with hers, “Well, please remember you don’t have to figure it out on your own. you’ve got plenty of people who are here to help, okay? We love you.”

“I love you guys too.” Dot smiles again, and it’s genuine this time.

[jtem]

[sternevogn]

sorry ive been dead lately it probably will continue i got blasted with the curse of creativity being stomped into dust and might just spend time contemplating my future instead of bothering to try reviving it for now

don't think it's worth it right now so i guess it's a bit of a break time with art while i figure stuff out

[capriciousmagician]

Ugh finally caught up on posting my paintings.

[mediocrity-incarnate]

my psychotic trait: assigning each cookie I eat an arbitrary "cookieness rating" and i eat them in order so the last one I eat is the most cookieish cookie

[puppyeared]

horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago

[astronomodome]

a tango of the big pants variety

[poppy-metal]

for new followers my blog is VERY sub!femme reader centric like. i am very much a bottom and rarely write about content i myself, wouldn't find pleasure in.

[todayisafridaynight]

papas day

[librius]

last two attacks i managed on artfight before totally burning out lol, but im super proud of them!

Anita and Lee owned by Anduwu on artfight @dykeovsky

Saint Hendrix owned by Fiction-Guardian on artfight @apricots-on-a-holiday

[jokerlennon]

they cut the weird chess themed lyrics out of one night in bangkok in the hangover two

[lumagarden]

had to screenrecord the seabound ending for an edit and starting sobbing bc i just ended up watching it

[cluepoke-archive]

Working out some frankensteiny character concepts ! feel free 2 ask me questions about them :]

[alukaforyou]

my freeloading sister broke my plate :( that i painted :( this was my live laugh love pinterest quote plate 😣

[birthclod]

I came up with a silly idea while fixating on prismage that basically boils down to "what if prismo and mage by some weird cosmic magic fuse" and the resulting entity is prismage (the trickmaster), who technically is and is not their own separate entity; basically its prismo in mage's body, but they're still a combined effort personality and function wise of both. think of priz and mage as like ruby and sapphire in SU

additionally, id (mage's true form of sorts) swaps places with prismo so there's still someone in the cube. this may or may not cause potential problems with higher-ups