#not sure i love it but thats the way the cookie crumbles i guess!!

[katydidcomplex]

trying a new style with clover from totally spies :)

[fruityuncleskeletor]

It's really hard to feel bad for people with several million dollars in their accounts and thats just how the cookie crumbles. Like I know Katy Perry has had a rough going, but then I remember she recently sold part of her music rights for over TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS and I can't extend that much compassion anymore.

I could sit here and be annoyed at rich folks of all sorts 24/7. I am THAT salty.

But my takeaway from all this is that: - being financially responsible is very hard and NO fun, because my millennial brain tells me to always give in and treat myself, not caring about tomorrow, but sadly, in my case, I am Kitten and I am Daddy too. I know how empty my wallet is and will be and I refuse to go into debt to be even more miserable in the future than I am now. On one side I am crying because I want nice experiences and fun and on the other side I am crying because I would love to be able to offer myself fun and experiences and I can't. - there is a lot of shame woven into the culture of enjoying things. The whole "buy experiences not goods" can only be a thing if you have disposable income to begin with. I said earlier how I will feel left out because my friends will all get to see SKZ and I won't. But like, that's how it's always been. I haven't been on a holiday since 2009. I use my time off either to recover from work or to travel to my home country and listen to my parents be religious nuts and spew more hate than the previous time. I should be used to it by now (I'm not). I guess I am also like a rich person because I don't like paying for things. They're only nice if someone else pays for me and I don't have to worry about MY money leaving my wallet. - the way I allow myself to enjoy things, SKZ included, is rooted in some very unhealthy mechanisms which stuff like Bubble and fanfic and the fandom itself only encourage. The only reason why I am not suffering more actively is because not a single soul interacts with my writing and your asks are the first not-hate ones I received since joining the fandom one whole year ago. Until now, my writing and I used to be embraced and welcomed in every fandom. Maybe I've finally aged out of that hopeful life stage, and my pessimism is no longer palatable to younger people. Either way, that's been sad too and it's contributed to my overall despair. In the past, I always had friends to commiserate with about whatever hardships came my way, now I have no one who's as isolated and forced to be responsible as me. - the line "gave up my youth for my future" feels like a slap in the face for me because here I am - a straight A student who never partied, never did drugs, never got into trouble, only studied their ass off because the adults GUARANTEED ME that hard work pays off. Nowadays the people hiring are rich fucks who bought their diplomas online and who think everyone's diplomas are just as lacking in substance and therefore worthy of ridicule and dismissal. Earlier today I was telling a non-fandom friend that I feel I will leave my little SKZ group through the back door (heh) and quietly because I will feel too embarrassed being the only one who hasn't seen the boys live. But I am sure I will get used to that discomfort like I get used to a lot of uncomfortable things because I get more serotonin from having people to talk to than "enjoying fandom on my own" (which is some Gywneath Paltrow-level ignorant kind of advice). Honestly, I don't wanna dwell in the middle of anger, but outside of it is depression and that's even less appealing.

[kj-nixon]

happy v day

On any other day, it would be nearly impossible to wake KJ up before 10am. You would have to fire a gun next to her. It was actually a major concern of her family’s, but she had always been more of a night owl than an early bird.

But today was Valentine’s Day. And this year she was going to do something fantastic for Hunter.

Last night, she had stolen his Apple Watch after he had fallen asleep and set the alarm to vibrate on her wrist at 7. She hated the thing because she felt the radiation from it would lead to arthritis. Bailey had tried to explain that that wasn’t how arthritis worked, but KJ was still skeptical. Regardless, it was the only way she could think of setting an alarm without also waking up Hunter.

God damn, 7am. Any later and Hunter would probably wake up on his own and ruin the surprise. Why did he have to be such an adult?

KJ grinned at that. That’s why she loved him.

As gracefully as she could manage, which wasn’t all that graceful if you knew KJ, she slipped out of their queen sized bed and tip toed to the kitchen. Their apartment was more of an open loft. A giant, brick square with only the bedroom and tiny bath distorting the shape by jutting out to the side. Looking at the floor plan, she had never quite been able to figure out how it interlinked with the other apartments, but really, did it matter? It suited them perfectly. The kitchen was as much a part of the living room as it was the dining room.

Open concept, open vibes.

They had it decorated as some combination of industrial modern and cozy, and the kitchen was pretty much the same. The tricky part was that KJ so rarely actually opened their cabinets that it took her a few attempts to find the pans she needed. Eventually, though, she got the bacon onto the gas stove and started on making breakfast in bed.

Hunter was, hands down, the best thing to happen to her. She knew she said it a lot, but it was just facts. Without him, she would probably be chasing yet another degree that she wouldn’t complete. He rescued her. Of course, he’d never admit it, but KJ and her siblings knew that she was kind of worthless without him.

And she was worthless, no doubt about it. Worthless against conventional standards. She couldn’t keep a job, her temper kept her from really being too great a people person, and without help her living space would be a dump. But she thrived in a space where you could let her be expressive, and Hunter provided her that. He encouraged her to be as creative and goofy and obnoxious as she wanted. And, somehow, they had figured out how to monetize it online. The cookie crumbled perfectly in that way.

She wanted to get lost in all the different ways she loved him, but it was almost impossible to actually start a list. Because as soon as she thought of one detail, it was almost immediately replaced and forgotten with another. He was just.... her world. She was obsessed with him. And she was pretty sure he was equally obsessed with her.

She assumed. She hoped.

KJ wasn’t actually a secure person. Some would even dare to call her insecure. And she felt justified in her anxiousness. Comparing herself to others was one of her most developed skills, and she never could measure up. So, if by some chance a girl who was just as pretty as she was, but twice as responsible came along, was there really any doubting that Hunter would take an interest? He was actually the perfect, functioning adult. One day he’d realize he was tired of babysitting a grown child. She just hoped it was on his death bed. Because KJ quite actually couldn’t live without him.

They’d be together forever if she had any say. And if you know any Faline, they have a lot to say.

And so what if they weren’t legally linked? KJ loved being with him no matter what. Did she sometimes dream about having the big wedding? Sure. Did she ever wonder if he even thought about asking her to get married? Yeah. Was she kind of concerned that he hadn’t asked yet because he didn’t want to permanently link himself to her in such a way that it would be difficult to leave her when he was ready? Who the fuck asked you?!

KJ’s brain snapped back to the kitchen when she smelled the smoke. While zoning out, she had splashed bacon grease onto the range and started a fire. Fucking ADHD.

What were you supposed to use on a grease fire again? All she could remember was not water, but she needed to put it out before the alarms went off and woke Hunter up.

Um.

Ummmm.

Flour!

Kj had no idea where they kept flour, or if they even had it, but the pancake mix sitting on the counter was the next best thing. Without giving herself a moment to second guess it, she dumped the box of powder onto the stove.

Well... on the stove, in the pan, and on the floor, technically.

She stared at it, willing it to not be all over the place. But, alas, there it was.

Kayla Jane, you’re an idiot.

But at least the apartment wasn’t up in flames.

Sighing, she dropped the empty box on the counter and skated to the corner deigned the living room in her socks. Her sleep tank and shorts were covered in mix now, but when was she ever put together? KJ picked up her phone and quickly ordered Postmates from their favorite diner, like the proper millennial she was. Should’ve done it in the first place, but she wanted to be romantic.

The second phase of the morning was cute enough anyway. It didn’t take her long to get her computer hooked up to their TV and get started on touching up the final bits of editing for her next video. KJ had become pretty savvy with anything techy since her career on YouTube took off. Not that she understood a single thing about engineering or how any of the machines actually functioned, but she could put it all together and operate it pretty easily if you gave her twenty minutes and a 5 Hour Energy to figure it out.

The doorbell rang and she ran to grab their food, knowing full well that he’d definitely get up for that. If he hadn’t smelled the smoke already.

Sure enough, Hunter stepped out of their room just as she finished unpacking their breakfast. KJ would never get over how insanely tall and good looking he was. Like, it wasn’t even fair.

But she sure did appreciate having the injustice in her bed.

He smiled at her and chuckled, probably laughing at how messy she was.

“Don’t go to the kitchen,” she warned, pointing a finger at him threateningly.

“It kind of smells like I should,” he replied.

“You absolutely should not. You should come kiss me and get your present instead.”

“That does sound much more pleasant.”

He graciously leaned down so she could stand on her toes and give him a peck on the mouth. She guided him to sit in front of the television and placed his food in front of him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sunshine.”

Patience wasn’t really a Faline trait either, so she only gave him enough time to take two bites of food before she climbed into his lap and face the TV. “Okay, I made something.”

“You did? For me?”

“For you.”

“I’m touched.”

“You will be.”

“So will you.” He winked.

She licked his cheek. Then she pressed the enter key on her keyboard.

The video went live on her channel. A shaky close up of Hunter’s forehead came on screen. You could hear KJ’s laughter over the speakers as the camera zoomed out and you were able to see the picnic set up from one of their earliest dates. Minute by minute, the video played through a compilation of vlogs from the last four years of their relationship. Some were of their travel adventures, others were at home where Hunter was obviously unaware that she wasn’t filming. Two consisted of KJ being home alone, lamenting her state of abandonment while Hunter was on a business trip. Every clip, every piece, was carefully chosen to show how perfect they were.

KJ had been on social media for the last three years, but she had never made her relationship public to her audience. Anything regarding Hunter was posted to her private accounts that only friends and family could see. Even her family was often used as clickbait. But Hunter had been reserved as a secret, or marketed as just a friend. And she had never quite been able to explain why.

Part of it had been that she was afraid of karma. If she put them out their publicly, then maybe they’d break up and she’d have to announce to the world that she was alone and her person had left her. Or maybe it was because she was selfish and didn’t want him to get any attention outside of her (and Simon.)

But, around Christmas, she had decided that she wanted the entire planet to know how mad she was for her. She wanted her audience, people she loved and was inspired by, to see how lucky she was.

And she would cut any bitch who tried to bat a single eyelash at him.

The video was only about five minutes long, nowhere near the length of her usual challenges and vlog segments, but there was four years of love pieced throughout it. And she prayed to the universe that he got the bigger picture.

That she loved him more than anything on the entire planet.

It ended and she stretched her head back to see his expression, a proud smile on her face. For a moment, he just continued staring at the screen.

She knew it would take a moment to buffer in his brain. They had discussed forever ago that they’d never go public and he was okay with that. Hunter had never cared one way or the other, but KJ had insisted.

Now...

He looked down at her and she saw his blue eyes glisten. It made her smile wider. He was such an emotional tall man.

Climbing around to wrap her arms and legs around him, she sat up to look him directly in the face. “You’re my person. I’ve staked my claim across the globe now. So if any skanks try to make a move on you while you’re wherever your stupid job sends you, you now have live proof to show them that I will hunt them down and burn their eyebrows off.”

“Oh, it’ll have them and their eyebrows shaking in their kitten heels.” He grinned.

She kissed him. Hard.

“I love you, Green Giant.”

“I love you too, Thumbilina.”

KJ tucked her head into the crook of his neck and gave a happy sigh.

“So... What did you burn?”

“Oh my god, SHUT UP!”

[peakyblinders1919]

Split Lip Pt. 2

A/N: Ok this ended up being significantly longer than part 1 but I guess thats the way the cookie crumbles.

Part 1

A week and a half later, you’re meandering home from an evening out with a visiting friend. You stumble down the deserted streets towards your flat and as you draw closer to your building, you notice a figure peel away from the wall by your door and walk purposely towards you.

“Y/N, where have you been?” You recognise Isaiah’s voice before the light reaches his face. You grin as he approaches. “Isaiah! I thought you were all in London-” He stops in front of you and grabs you by the upper arm, cutting off your words and your loose smile. His firm, almost painful grip sobers you a little and it’s then that you notice the odd combination of concern and fury in his face.

“We got back a few hours ago,” he snaps impatiently. “Where the fuck have you been, Y/N? Jesus, we thought…” he trails off and his glare softens slightly, though his grip on your arm doesn’t loosen.

“I was having a few drinks with a friend. Why? What’s happened?” you ask, anxiety bubbling up in your throat.

“The shop, it’s been turned upside-down. Whoever it was killed Jimmy and Teddy at the door and took everything they could get their hands on.” You gape, suddenly feeling ill remembering that you’d have been there working tonight if it weren’t for your friend’s surprise visit.

“They didn’t get into the safe, thank the Lord,” he continues, turning you around and starting to walk you back towards the Shelby house, “but Arthur lost his fucking mind when we realised you were missing. We thought they’d fucking taken you, Y/N. Lucky they sent me to keep an eye on your flat. God…” He swallows hard and fixes his eyes firmly ahead as he marches you along. A wave of exhaustion crashes over you suddenly; a mix of the alcohol and this news. You stop walking, forcing him to stop and look back at you. You notice the cut on his lip has nearly healed.

“I need to get some sleep. There’s a phone in my flat, we can ring Tommy from home to tell him I’m fine and I’ll just go over there in the morning,” you say, trying to blink the tired fog from your eyes. “Please?”

You can tell that he’s about to insist on taking you to the Shelbys but he notices you swaying slightly on your feet and gives in with a sigh.

“Arthur will have my balls, I swear,” he mutters with a small shake of his head. You lean into his side as you head back towards your flat, trying without much luck not to savour mixed smells of cigarettes, cinnamon, and something else indiscernible but very pleasant on his clothes.

You lock the door behind you and Isaiah pulls off his hat and takes your coat; an unusually gentlemanly gesture which doesn’t escape your notice. You smile gratefully and point him towards the phone.

“Drink?” you offered as he picks up the receiver. He nods and mouths a thanks, and you share a knowing smile which sends a strange warmth through your body as he turns away to address the operator.

You grab a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and move to the kitchen to get a couple of glasses. You pause for a moment and then put the second glass back into the cupboard. You’d had enough to drink for one night. You uncork the bottle and pour a measure into the glass before taking it back into the sitting room, entering just as Isaiah hangs up the phone. He turns to face you, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking freshly uncomfortable. 

“What is it?” you ask absently, gesturing for him to sit in one of the chairs and holding the glass out to him. He takes it and sits a little awkwardly, not drinking. You position yourself across from him and put the bottle down on the small table between you.

“I spoke to John, and then to Tommy. Everything is fine and they’re glad you’re alright,” he adds quickly in response to the concern etched into your face, “but uh… they’re all still looking for the bastards that did it and, well, they told me to stay here tonight. Keep an eye on you… just in case, y'know?”

This eases anxiety that had been building at the idea of being alone in your house after you had been so shaken by the news of the robbery. But then you imagine for a moment the implication of Isaiah spending the night at your home and the warmth rushes back, your heart jumping a beat. You pray he doesn’t notice the heat in your cheeks, as you shake the thought off and silently chastise yourself. You make a long-suffering face at him and give a small laugh that you hope doesn’t come out quite as shaky as it sounds to you.

“Of course they did,” you sigh with a show of resignation, and you’re thankful to see Isaiah relax a little with a sheepish smile. “Well, I suppose it’s no fault of theirs that they want me safe. And you’re not that shit to have around,” you add playfully. He chuckles and downs his drink, and you automatically pour him another.

“What did I do to deserve this high praise?” he jokes, taking up his glass again. You pretend to be deep in thought for a moment. 

“Well, you so courageously came to my rescue tonight… or at least you would have, I’m sure, had I been in any real danger,” you tease. Isaiah scoffs but doesn’t retaliate. You begin to feel a little restless and start to look around for your pack of smokes. You remember that they’re still in the pocket of your coat but before you can stand up to get them, Isaiah takes out his own and offers one to you.

“How did you know?” you ask absently, before putting one between your lips and leaning forward so he can light it. 

“Give a man a little credit for his powers of observation,” he says, and you hear the smile in his voice as you lean back and watch the smoke drifting in front of your face. You can see him watching you out of the corner of your eye and suddenly feel very shy. It had been easy to distract yourself from your growing feelings for Isaiah while he and most of the rest of the Peaky Blinders were away in London, but now that he’s sitting across from you in your own flat, watching you smoke one of his cigarettes, you can’t ignore that you’re more drawn to him than ever.

He lights up his own cigarette and you both sit in silence for what feels like a very long time. Your gaze fixes blankly on the empty fireplace as you groggily try to process your thoughts.

“Y/N,” he starts. You blink and turn your head as he leans forward again in his chair and puts out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table. “I- er… I really am glad you’re safe. It wouldn’t be the same without you around.”

“What wouldn’t?” you respond dumbly. The tiredness was catching up with you again and your head was still swimming.

“Everything.…”

You frown slightly and try to process his sudden seriousness, when he sits back, looking away.

“Never mind,” he mutters, before finishing his whiskey and standing up. You automatically stand as well. “Well then,” he says a little too loudly, “where am I sleeping?” He jerks his chin at the sofa on the other side of the room and looks at you questioningly.

“Er, yeah, yes, that’s fine,” you choke out, finally comprehending the moment you missed. “Um, there’ll be a spare quilt for you in the linen press over there…” You busy yourself gathering the glass, the bottle of whiskey and the ashtray from the table and taking them to the kitchen. As you clean and put away everything, your mind and heart both start to race again. It seemed he cared for you a lot more than he had ever let on before. You kick yourself for reacting like such a brick when clearly he was trying to be sincere. You gather yourself and smooth the front of your dress before returning to the sitting room where Isaiah has just removed his jacket and is draping it over one of the chairs. He turns to you as you approach and you can still see a hint of tenderness in his dark eyes.

“Isaiah?” You stop, close enough that you can tell he’s holding his breath and you can’t look away from his full, slightly parted lips. You instinctively reach up to touch the place where Finn’s fist had split the skin, but he shifts away from your fingers, giving you a look that you can’t decipher through the haze of exhaustion, drink and confusion.

Of course. Of course you misread the situation, you think wretchedly. You drop your hand, feeling foolish, and step away, trying to conceal your embarrassed blush by looking at the floor.

“I just wanted to say thank you, for looking out for me and…” You take a shaky breath. “And for staying.”

You turn away, feeling the familiar pressure of tears start behind your eyes. However, before you can leave the room, you feel Isaiah’s hand on your arm, pulling you back and around. He steps towards you and your breath catches as his eyes search your face. Slowly, as if he were afraid of scaring you away, he places his other hand behind your jaw and you feel fire under your skin as his thumb brushes below your ear. The haze in your head clears in an instant. You’re sure he can feel your pulse racing beneath his fingers and you can’t stop yourself from stepping forward and placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on his chest. You can feel his heart, strong and steady but just as fast as yours. You stand toe to toe, faces inches apart, savouring the moment before he finally closes the gap and presses his mouth to yours. You feel you might explode from the energy that pumps through you, seeming to pour from each point where his skin touches yours. You feel the split in his lip and smile into the kiss.

He pulls back and grins at you, no longer looking hesitant, and moves his left hand from your upper arm to your waist.

“Jesus.… Arthur will have my balls,” he mutters as he pulls you closer. You laugh and lean up onto your toes to put your lips to his ear. You put on your best sultry whisper.

“Finn will too, if you don’t step up your game.”

“Shut it, Y/N.” He kisses you again.

Second part beautifully written by Jeantown Sheriff! WHO AGREES THEIR WORK IS AMAZING!! Thank you for sharing love! XxX 

[survivorcutthroat]

Rob’s Jury Question/Answer(s)

Congrats you two on making it to the finals.

Zack

I respect your game. You were able to survive many tribal councils where you were a target, yet you also remained low-key at the same time. You were loyal to your alliances and weren’t fake. You didn’t try to talk to me which I weirdly appreciate because you wouldn’t have to lie to me, you weren’t going to betray me because we weren’t really close and there was really no need to talk to each other.

I told the jury about what you did at the final 5. It’s a game move you made, but you wanted me to keep it quiet even here. I think it benefited you so I want you to own up to the fact that you gave your idol to me. You told me that you were voting me out, which is a plus in my book even if it is some obvious kiss-assing because that means you’re honest and I appreciate it when people are honest. The jury: *laughs.* You said I was going to win but I really wasn’t I was spot on about what the jury was thinking of me,

I want you to describe your relationships with the jury and Amir. It (better) can be long, I want honest opinions of what you thought of them, how they helped you out, why you went against them. That’s it from me, good luck.

Amir

*Cracks knuckles*

It’s no surprise that the cast gets leaked, especially with this season. I found out three people who were playing this season before it started. Jaiden, Luke, and you. I did my research, looked through your old confessionals in Transylvania, asked around about you. My analysis was that you were a very charming guy, you got people to think they were tight with you, and then you would cut them loose. Now I look like the biggest Booboo The Fool. You would say, “Rob! I feel like I tell you things but you don’t tell me anything.” And that’s the reason why. I didn’t want to get close to you, I didn’t want you to betray me, I didn’t want to be that idiot who thought you were his best friend in the entire world just for you to backstab them. I was literally afraid of this happening, and what do you know, it does, because I’m a fucking genius.

I always wanted to meet you, and when we were cast in Clash of the Titans 4 it was the best opportunity because I could get to know you and become your friend, get close to you to where you would want to work with me in this game as well. Where there game intentions? Yes, but you were a really caring guy and I did like you on a personal level.

I was sad that we weren’t together originally, but then we went on to new Magyi. You became my closest ally, the person I wanted to make the end with, the person I was playing this game for, the person who made me grateful to be in this shitty game. I think that you were at the bottom, but I didn’t want you to be, that’s why I told you about the “majority” because I really did trust you. I told you pretty much everything that was going on in that tribe because you were the only person I really really did trust on Magyi.

We make merge and I’m terrified. I voted in the minority on the previous vote and I went to you alone and afraid. You were there for me. You were there for me whenever I was sad, whenever I needed someone, whenever I needed a friend. I did pretty much everything we talked about. Voting Stevie, Mearl, Tommy, Dom, Crow, SId. We agreed that Mearl had to go after he betrayed me and our trust. You knew I loved Tommy, how he was a friend of mine, and how I was conflicted about that vote. But I vote out Tommy, because of YOU, I told the Cutthropes about the minorities’ plans because of YOU, pretty much everything I did in this game was because of YOU. I told you about Dustin’s idol, I got Tommy, Crow, and Dom to vote for Zack instead of you because I didn;t want you to go in case something went wrong or I decided to go with them, I told you about basically everything that could have a relevance to us and our games. At final 5, Zack makes me promise not to tell ANYBODY but I immediately tell you what happened. And that’s because you were my number one, my ally, my comrade, my best friend. I tell my friend everything, and at the F4 she said it might be smart to take you out as the biggest threat. I shut her down so fast, you’ve been my closest ally in this whole game, you said you were going to play your idol on me at the F5, I thought you had my back 100%, you were realistically my only chance at survival, and I really thought you would tie it for me. People told me how you couldn’t be trusted, how I had to vote you out, but I didn’t want to believe them, I thought that that’s not the Amir that I’ve gotten to know, I know he has my back and is looking out for me. Turns out, I was wrong. I would have been okay if you had at least told me you were voting me out. But you didn’t, you said “I’m voting Dustin right the fuck now,” And now everything just feels fake. Our alliance feels fake. Our relationship feels fake. You seem...fake.

 Did I debate cutting you at F3 if I had the chance? Yes. Was it realistic? Knowing me, no.  I would have been fine losing to you in the F2, I probably would have taken you to the F2 because I don’t give a fuck, I wanted to guarantee one of us winning. Can I say that now? Honestly, I’m not sure. Do I sound like a hypocrite? Yes. Do I care? Not really. You probably thought if you voted me out I would be a vote for you, and you probably will be right.

You won two challenges this season. Congrats. Let’s see if you can win one last one.

https://68.media.tumblr.com/4499cf271ad1d05d805952c43166a151/tumblr_o5nssqyw9D1v9j7mmo4_250.gif

I am you, you are the ketchup bottle, your lies were the ketchup.

You’re doing the #WasteHerTime2017 Challenge, inspired by a queen. I would like you to analyze ALL of our conversations and post the messages where you wasted my damn time, where you told me bullshit, where you were being fake. I want timestamps, I want receipts. You can write and include anything you would like about the messages you post.

I also want you to be honest with me. Tell me the things you hate about me, the things that annoy you about me, that piss you off. I can tell there were times you were mad at me and I want you to be upfront about it.

I say all of this with very harsh love, because at the end of the day, I do love you. I do want to be friends. But that does not guarantee you my vote.

Good luck,

From Booboo the fool.

Okay this is the first question we got and its the last one im answering. I basically wrote an entire draft of this question doing what you told me and structuring this answer and you know what im not sending that. Im going to just go into a headspace where i can be genuine with you, and im going to type out how i feel, and them im not going to reread this answer, im not going to edit it, im just gonna send it. Rob, im not fake. Our friendship was not fake. I care about you so much as a friend, maybe to you my actions in the game didnt reflect that and i don't even know where to start. Your friendship meant a lot to me, and im not ignorant to the fact that i could not have made it this far in the game without you. You were extremely loyal and i felt like had someone who was truly looking out for me. Rob i was so loyal to you for almost the entire game and multiple times i did have the intention of taking you to the end completely, but when final 4 hit, i struggled so fuck hard rob i really really struggled. I told you i was going to tie it and i planned on it but it was all because of how much i cared about you but in the back of my mind i knew it was a bad move, i knew it was a final 3 and id be pissing off the 2 people that id go to final 3 with, and it would mean that id be solidifying my position as a 3rd place for the second time in a row. I really really had to seperate game and emotion and while that my biggest strength, i absolutely hate the fact that i hurt you, rob idk what else to say to you i cant make you believe me but i was there for you through everything. I was never someone who tried to make you dependant on me, whenever you brought up your problems i only ever told you that you were a smart guy who deserves self confidence, i always tried to help being a happier person and to truly love yourself and see yourelf as a the kind person we all see you as in this game. This answer is getting long af but so was your question so imma just keep but rambling. Rob theres nothing that i hate about you. I delete the first draft of my answer because im not supporting your self destructive question, its a way to hurt me and way to hurt yourself and it completely takes anything fun out of this game. As someone whos preached self love to you, im not going to do what you said and make you hate yourself or hurt your feelings over a jury vote. If you don't wanna vote for me for not exposing your personal messages and being mean you, then don't vote for me. And id be completely lying because i have nothing ill to say about you. Okay, thats all, im sorry, i really really hope you forgive me

Okay! So.. I guess it’s no secret now that yes, I did in fact give Rob my idol to play on himself at final 5. I felt bad because we all attacked him in the immunity challenge and I thought Abel’s idol was actually real so I wanted to give him a fair chance to compete in a fire making challenge and see who really wanted to be here. I didn’t have any intensions on Abel to leave but that is just how the cookie crumbled and I don’t regret doing this for Rob.

Now let me describe my relationship with the jury. I’m gonna be nothing but honest here.

Luke. I’ve known Luke for a little while now and I actually played my first ORG with him. We both just played Switzerland together and believe it or not, we actually worked together. Like I said in my rights of passage, I had all intensions on working with Luke in this game but, shit happens! Looking back now, I think Luke leaving actually benefited my game. There was so much talk about a Switzerland alliance (which was not real but I did want to start one since people already thought there was one) so when people saw that we actually voted against each other, I think that opened people’s eyes that wow, okay, this is actually a whole different game and just because of past relationships, anything can happen. I personally love Luke and love that he like’s all my Facebook/ IG post. A real hunt owo.

Stevie. I’ve played past games with Stevie and.. We never really clicked. We’re both completely opposite people with different interest. We never worked together so I pretty much assumed it would be the same in this game. I tried talking to Stevie and tried connecting with him but the only thing we connected about were bears. But… I’m not complaining! That being said, I respect Stevie and would love to get to know him outside of the game, but in the game, we never worked together and never were going to work together because I couldn’t see myself trusting him after he tried to blindside me. But I’d love to get to know more about him and talk more about bears.

Mearl. Mearl is someone that I knew nothing about. I had no past relationship with him so I needed to start a relationship with him from the start. We would talk from time to time but it would jus be the basic game talk. Like “have you heard anything about the vote?” “Oh I heard so and so say this.” But I was very careful with what I told Mearl because I was petrified of him. Going on the Great Lakes wiki and seeing that he won almost every single challenge, I knew he would be competition. I didn’t want him on my bad side at all because I also feared he had an idol. So I would just do my friendly talks with him without giving out any game information and I was thrilled to see he added me in his majority alliance because I feared being on his radar so bad. I respect Mearl so much as a game player.

Tommy. Knowing nothing about Tommy and hearing people talk about how ‘Cutthroat’ is he actually has been in other games, scared me. I would try to talk to Tommy as much as possible, but it was hard. It was so hard to connect with Tommy. Nothing against him, it’s just, we’re totally different people with not much in common. Tommy can talk for hours and I’m more of a person to just have one daily normal conversation a day. I knew Tommy was targeting me for multiple rounds so when we did talk, I would always try to be very careful at what game talk I would actually say without revealing anything. I slipped up a couple of times though but I backtracked and saved myself. Hopefully Tommy and I can talk after this game and clear everything up that really happened.

Crow. Crow helped my game so much. Without him, I may not even be here. He stuck his neck out for me without even knowing who I was so when Crow left, it was definitely hard. I get Crow is mad right now but I respect him so much as a person and a game player and everything I said to him after he tried to vote me out was just a joke and I meant nothing by it. Crow is someone I would 100% want to be friends with outside of this game.

Sid. I knew a little bit about Sid from what other people told me and I realized he’s actually very trust worthy. I wanted to be on the same tribe as him and when we weren’t, I was so glad to see him surviving Tribals because I knew we could both benefit off of each other. I was super happy when we made merge together and I’m even happier that we developed a friendship out of this game. We both helped each other’s game’s in different ways and I respect him so much. If Sid got to the end, he would be a huge competition to beat and that’s why he had to go when he did. Nothing but respect.

Abel. Rob, like you said, a lot of the cast was leaked. Abel and I applied together and we were both so fucking happy and excited to play together, again. We both just played Switzerland and when we actually started the game we realized how fucking hard this is going to be because it was no secret how close us 2 were in that game. I always saw myself protecting him and I always saw him protecting me. We would both tell each other all the information we had and go on from there. Not only was it nice having a great ally in the game, but it was nice to have a friend in the game that I could talk to about anything, not just game talk. He really did keep me sane.

Rob. I would say our relationship is very.. Odd. We rarely talked but we both saved each other. I think I had no choice but to give you my idol because you voted in my favor so many times when you could have taken me out. Honestly, thank you. I knew from what people were telling me that you actually liked me and I actually really liked you and I never would bring up your name. i don’t regret doing what I did for you and I hope you don’t regret helping me out in this game. You’re such a nice kid with a great personality and I respect you so much that I couldn’t lie to you. I really hope we can start some kind of friendship outside of this game.

Dustin. DADDY!!! I was so glad to see Dustin was playing this game. For some reason, we just clicked from day 1. For me, day 1, it was game time. Dustin and I were talking and giving each other information from the very start. I’m so happy and grateful that I got to actually officially meet him and play with him. He helped my game and I would like to say, I did the same for him. Dustin was such a great ally and I love him so fucking much. He’s someone I can say I became really good friends with inside of this game.

Amir. Ahhh! I never actually thought me and Amir would make Final 2 together. Coming into this game, Amir and I had some bad blood. But we both put that aside and knew we could really help each other in  this game and make it far. We were called out day 1 for knowing each other and being friends so I can honestly say I’m shocked we’re sitting in the finals together. I love him so much.

Thanks for your question, Rob, I actually really enjoyed typing this. ;~)

OK, and with that it is now time for our Jury to vote! Jurors, you will be tasked in voting to decide Tumblr Survivor’s 56th winner. Please decide carefully. Your votes are due to your host chat by August 18th @ 8:00 PM EST.