#and certain people make me feel so egh

[poetryandprompts]

The summer dies before me, watery footprints

fading from the pool deck. The scent of campfire,

fading in the air. The mosquito bites,

no longer itching or aching.

And as the scrapes

on my knees heal, my eyes

brim with tears for all of the

intangible memories of wind, sand, and sun.

[starrbar]

Tagged by @tannoytalks!

To play, tag 9 people you want to get to know better or catch up with, and then answer the following questions:

Four Ships:

(Possible spoilers for the media each ship is from)

—���- Singed + Silco (Arcane): I'm actually so new to this ship, but my brain suddenly decided to hyperfixate on Singed, and Silco was already one of my favorites too, so just... dubiously united villain couple hello??

The fan fics I've read of them so far are delicious as fuck, and the artwork I've seen is juuuust amazing. Wholesome stuff, dark stuff. I love it all.

And I love the idea of Powder occasionally interacting with Singed, and like he's not really her dad (he's Viktor's heh), but he's still a second wise adult figure in her life, and he uses his thorough understanding of what makes Silco tick to help Powder with communicating with him (or hiding certain little things from him huehue).

Singed is the only character that Silco is never once seen so much as manipulating, let alone intimidating or threatening. I like to think Silco knows that Singed is kind of in a league of his own, and that if he tried to boss him around in the wrong way, Singed could very easily end him in his sleep. Or worse. :3

Though I don't think they hold any animosity towards each other. I don't see it as a very tense relationship. If anything, I like to imagine that they care about each other in some sort of way. Sure, it's partially because Silco provides the space, funds, and test subjects while Singed provides vital medical help and, well, Shimmer. But I'm a sap, so maybe there's a slight bit more there, I dunno!

—–- Misaka + Kuroko (A Certain Scientific Railgun): Listen. Surgically remove Kuroko's... egh, Problem. And you have an utterly gorgeous relationship.

OR, at the very least, actually do something with her obsessive nature! Tell a real story with it. I literally went through a similar (not sexual) thing in real life, and I have told the story of how I overcame it. I would ADORE seeing Kuroko remain problematic, but then grow past it, and learn to respect Misaka fully.

But if noooot... there's always the option to just get rid of it entirely because holy shit is Kuroko's admiration and trust in Misaka beautiful. The way Kuroko lays down her life for her, appears in an instant to aid her, forces herself not to pester her for days and weeks despite agonizing over whether Misaka is okay... The way she takes pride and comfort in doing those things for her, how she calls out her name lovingly while fighting for her. It touches my heart so much, man.

And Misaka, despite how often Kuroko annoys her, knows she can rely on her and be vulnerable around her. She values Kuroko's thoughts and cares how she feels about her, past all that Level 5 "Ace of Tokiwadai" stuff. She's protective of all her friends, of course, but I always imagine that she holds herself double responsible for Kuroko's safety. She's who she thinks of first, every time. Misaka recognizes when Kuroko is pushing herself too hard, and she softens in such a genuine, nurturing way to assure her that she can rest easy.

The level of dedication these two have for each other is wonderful, and how could I not ship them?

—–- Aizawa + Toshinori (My Hero Academia): Honestly, I like a lot of MHA ships, but this was my first OTP for that series, and it's simply because despite having a very prickly start, their relationship grows into this very gentle mutual respect and protectiveness of one another, and it's just... so cute! And it hurts me so much.

I've read a lot of fics, written a lot of roleplays, seen a lot of art, and watched a lot of AMVs. I feel such a deep heart-throbbing when I see them together. Caring, protecting, sacrificing, mourning, fighting, regretting, saving, comforting....

Sometimes I don't even know how to describe it, but I have cried over these two so many times. I want them to be happy. I want to see them suffer on the way there. I want them to recognize their own inner demons when they look into the other's eyes, and then commit to being better because of each other. I've seen them through every AU I could think of within—god, however many years I was in love with them. And I can still remember why.

—–- Rouxls Kaard + Spade King (Deltarune): So I find both of these characters unfairly attractive in many fanarts, and they are one of my favorite mutually toxic relationships.

I credit one of my friends and his amazing unfinished series about them for the way I now envision them and how they interact. Spade could likely be called abusive simply due to his violent nature and power over Rouxls (both physical and social), but Rouxls is a manipulative, lying little weasel who is using Spade as much as Spade is using him.

Neither one of them have a damn clue how to treat another person right, though they both try and succeed (more often than not) with Lancer. Perhaps it's his innocence in all this, but unlike their terrible, broken relationship with each other, their relationships with Lancer are actually strong and outwardly loving.

Spade isn't nearly as aggressive with him as everyone else, he does what he thinks will make his son happy, and while he may sometimes be clipped, he isn't dismissive. Meanwhile, Rouxls tells himself Lancer is not his son and shouldn't be his responsibility, but dammit he loves the kid anyway! Lancer's smile brightens his day, and Rouxls will even risk getting himself in trouble with the king in order to give Lancer happiness. He puts off his own wants for him, does what he can to comfort him when he's sad, and frets QUITE heavily about his safety (albeit that one has a double-motive—obviously the king would kill his dumb ass if Lancer got hurt under his watch, but that's beside the point, he sayeth!)

Anyway yeah, Dad and Lesser Dad plz.

I can't overstate how much I love seeing fiction depict complex, nuanced relationships with plenty of toxic elements to examine. It's a way to relate some of their traits to my past mistakes, or even my current flaws. It helps me understand myself better. Also it's hot! x3

And really wholesome if the characters manage to actually improve themselves and start showing real affection and care for each other.

Last Song:

Gomenne Gomenne by Kikuo (My favorite versions are sung by Teto and Kyo V3)

Currently Reading:

Started reading Singed-centric fan fiction, including an adorable fic where Powder shows him her Minecraft world, a dark one where he tortures a test subject, and a delightfully tense one where Silco demands to be burned.

Last Movie:

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.

It was actually a genuinely awesome time and I didn't expect it to keep my attention like it did. Great mix of funny and serious! I enjoyed it a lot!

Craving:

Need Singed torture fics or roleplays,,,, I'm offering up my Kib for the slaughter lmao.

Tagging @blackheart-biohazards @thatwordybirb @beeelzybuth @fedorarapture @technicolorgrayscale @perchling @roxalew @50kal179 @spicytree67 (Only if y'all want, ofc!!)

[crafengoverse]

PI NNED POST AUGHG

I will clean this up better later but HELLO YES this is a blog by @nnugatoryextravagance dedicated to my insane OC ramblings

All characters unless specified otherwise exist in the same coalesced mass of the work in progress @crafengoverse-journals but this will be updated much more often and make way less sense I promise

Usual blanket "darker themes" warning here because none of my characters are doing ok in the head or in life lets be real, ill tag things though dontchu worry

If you wanna ask me things or flip on the roleplay oc ask blog switch in my brain my inbox is open wider than your mom please ask me about my ocs please p

Link to my toyhouse if you wanna go snooping too its a complete ass mess right now but yeauh

Ive got some artistic requests for how I want my work to be treated too under the cut as a bonus too I suppose, have fun im gonna go get a drink

- I'm 100% okay with people shipping my characters together, in fact I actively encourage it, so long as you're not erasing their canon identities (since almost everyone is queer) or making shit thats straight up illegal/dangerously towing the line then go ham I love gay people

- Im also more than okay with fanart ofc, no need to ask first, I will die for you point blank

- Please god behave yourselves, I don't mind too much if I get tags about my oc's boobs or something- but I STRONGLY draw the line at strangers making and posting sexually explicit content with them under ANY circumstance... even if saying this has never worked for any artist ever, egh

- Not to sound like a pissy little baby but each one of my characters are very very dear to me so please go easy on me with any negative feedback I beg god bless (I assure you I already know how ugly they are that was on purpose and part of why I love them)

- Please do NOT commission other artists to draw my characters unless you have my direct say-so, I absolutely love art of my boys and im flattered, but I really dont want the risk of... certain people I used to know getting their grubby hands back on my stuff, if this makes any sense

- If you cishet-ify or white-ify any of my characters who are obviously depicted as/stated as/heavily implied as not that I'm killing us both

might add more later if i feel the need to but i think this is good 4 now

[seaofghouls]

DSMP FALLS! <1>

Ah! Summer break! A time for leisure, recreation, and taking her easy.

..Unless you're me.

A pair of triplets crash through a billboard with a go-kart. "AAAAAHHH!" Being followed by a monster of unimaginable horror. "It's getting closer!" One of the triplets cried. My name is Y/N. The boy to the right of me about to puke is my triplet brother, Tubbo, while the boy to my left screaming profanities is my other triplet brother, Tommy. You may be wondering what we're doing in this situation. "Look out!" Tubbo cried. "Agh!" Y/N screamed. "This monster is such a bitch!" Tommy cried. "Tommy!" Tubbo frowned. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation!

... Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They shipped us up to Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay with our great uncle in the woods. "This attic is amazing! Just look at all of my splinters!" Tubbo cried. "..And there's a fucking goat on my bed." Tommy sighed.

Tubbo walked up to the goat.

"Hey, new friend! Yes, you can keep chewing on my shirt!" Tubbo giggled. Y/N giggled as well. Tubbo and Tommy seemed to look on the bright side of things. I, however, was having a bit of a harder time getting used to our new surroundings. "Boo!" "Aagh!" Y/N jumped up from their spot from under a tree. An old man took off a mask and started laughing. And then there was our great uncle Schlatt. That guy. Our uncle had transformed his house into a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. The real mystery is why anyone came. And guess who had to work there? Y/N sighed, sweeping the floor. Tubbo reached out to touch something in this gift shop before Schlatt slapped his hand away.

"No touching the merchandise!" He said. Tommy snickered and touched it anyway out of spite. It seemed like it was going to be the same routine all summer, until one fateful day.

"Alright, look alive folks! I need someone to go hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Schlatt said. "Not it!" The triplets said at the same time. "Also not it." Ranboo said. "Nobody asked you, Ranboo." Schlatt said. "I know and I'm comfortable with that." Ranboo smiled. "Niki! I need you to put up these signs!" Schaltt said. "I would.. but I can't.. reach." She trailed off. "I'd fire all of you if I could." Schlatt sighed. "Okay, let's make it eeny, meeny, miny, you." Schlatt pointed at Y/N. "Yes!" Tommy and Tubbo exclaimed. "Awe what? Gruncle Schlatt, whenever I'm in those woods I feel like I'm being watched." Y/N said. "Oh, this again." He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, something weird is going on! Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out beware!" Y/N said, showing schlatt their arm. "...That says bewarb." Schlatt said. "Look kid, the whole monsters in the forest thing is just a local legend. Drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that." Schlatt pointed at a guy distracted by a schlatt bobblehead. "So quit being so paranoid!" Schlatt said. ... "Ugh, Gruncle Schlatt. nobody ever believes what I say." Y/N groaned as they hammer signs in the forest. They hammer another tree but stop when they hear metal. "huh?" They hit it the hammer again in curiosity. Finding a secret door with a machine inside, they mess with the buttons for a bit before something opens up behind them. "What the.." Reaching into the hole, they find a dusty old journal. They brush it off and start reading. "Woah.. trust no one, huh?" Y/N mumbled. "Hello!" Tubbo exclaimed. "What are you reading, some nerd book?" Tommy asked. "Uh-uh, it's nothing!" Y/N exclaimed. "Uh-UH IT'S NOTHING!" Tommy mocked. "What, are you seriously not gonna show us?" Tubbo asked. "..Let's go somewhere more private," Y/N said. ... "It's amazing! Gruncle Schlatt said I was being paranoid, but apparently, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side!" Y/N exclaimed. "WOAH!" Tubbo exclaimed. "SHUT UP!" Tommy pushed Y/N with a grin on his face. "Get this! After a certain point, the pages just stop! Like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!" Y/N exclaimed.

The doorbell rang. "Who's that?" Y/N asked. "Welp, time to spill the beans! This guy's got a platonic date!" Tubbo grinned. "Platonic??" "Date??" Schlatt walked in as Tubbo came back in with someone. "Hey family, I want you to meet my new platonic boyfriend!" Tubbo exclaimed. "Sup." He said. "Hey." Y/N and Tommy said. "How's it hanging?" Schlatt finger gunned. "We met at the cemetery. He's really deep." Tubbo smiled. "..What's your name?" Y/N asked. "Normal.. Man!" He groaned out. "He means Norman." Tubbo giggled. "..Are you bleeding, Norman?" Tommy asked. "..It's jam." Norman said. Y/N stared at him in suspicion before Tubbo dragged Norman away. There was something with Norman that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal. Y/N read the journal out loud. "Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes.. these creatures are often mistaken for.. TEENAGERS?!" Y/N exclaimed. "Beware Gravity Falls' nefarious ZOMBIES?!" Y/N gasped. "Zombies??" Tommy gasped. He was sitting there with Y/N. "Tommy, outside!" Y/N exclaimed. "Oh, no! Tubbo!" They both yelled. Norman lurched towards Tubbo, grabbed him, and put a flower crown on him. "Daisies?? You scallywag!" Tubbo gushed. "Is our brother dating a zombie or are we just going nuts?" Tommy muttered. "It's a dillema to be sure." Charlie said. "Agh!" Y/N jumped. "I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking to yourselves in this empty room." Charlie explained. "Charlie, you've seen Tubbo's platonic date, right? He's got to be zombie!" Y/N said. "Hm.. how many brains did you see the guy eat?" Charlie asked. "Zero.." Y/N sighed. "Look, dudes, I believe you. I'm seeing strange thing in this town all the time. Like, the mailman, I'm pretty sure that guy's a werewolf. But! You gotta have proof, or else people will think you're a major cukoo clock." Charlie said. "As always, big C, you're right." Tommy said. "My wisdom is both a wisdom and a curse." Charlie said. "Charlie! The toilets are clogged again!" Schlatt called out. "I am needed elsewhere." Charlie took off. Y/N and Tommy decided to work together to get some evidence. Throughout their studies, Norman certainly had strange behavior, but not enough to convict him of anything supernatural. "I'll talk to Tubbo, don't worry, sib!" Tommy said. "Alright." Y/N nodded. ... Tommy walked into the triplets' shared room. "Tubbo, we've got to talk about Norman." Tommy said. "I know! Isn't he great?? Look at this smooch mark he gave me!" Tubbo turned his head to show a large red area on his face. "Egh!" Tommy cried. "Hah! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leafblower. That was fun." Tubbo laughed. "No, listen, Tubbo! I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems! The journal that Y/N found!" Tommy insisted. "You think he might be a vampire?? That would be awesome!" Tubbo gasped. "Guess again, big T! A zombie he is!" Tommy said. "A zombie?? Not funny, Tommy!" Tubbo frowned. "I'm not joking! Y/N can agree, it all adds up! The bleeding, the limp, he never blinks! Have you noticed that??" Tommy exclaimed. "Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking." Tubbo suggested. "HE'S GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS, BIG T!" Tommy shook Tubbo. "Tommy! Listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date tonight and I'm going to be adorable! He's going to be dreamy! And I'm not going to let you and Y/N ruin it with another one of your crazy conspirices!" Tubbo kicked Tommy out. "Ah man.. what am I gonna do??" Tommy slumped against the door. Someone sat down next to him. "How'd it go, bro-bro?" Y/N asked. "He's refusing to listen.. He kicked me out." Tommy sighed. Y/N frowned. "Not surprising. Hopefully he'll come to that realization in his own." ... The two out of three triplets were sitting on the couch, looking over the footage. "I guess we don't have any actual evidence, huh?" Y/N sighed. "Yeah.. I guess we can be kinda paranoid sometimes-" Tommy stopped. In the footage clip, Norman's hand fell off and he put it back on. "WAIT WHAT?!" Tommy and Y/N exclaimed. They leaped off

the

couch in a hurry. "WE WERE RIGHT! HOLY SHIT!" Tommy exclaimed. Racing outside, the two tried to find their uncle. "GRUNCLE SCHLATT! GRUNCLE SCHLATT!" Y/N called out. Schlatt wasn't paying attention.

"Wait! Niki has the cart!" Tommy suggested. "Good eye, Tommy!" Y/N grinned. "Niki! Niki! We need the cart to save our brother from a zombie!" They ran up to her. "Try not to hit any pedestrains." She winked, giving them the keys. "Alright, Tommy! Let's go save our sister!" Y/N grinned. They backed up before Charlie stopped them. "Dudes! This is for the zombies." He handed them a shovel. "Thanks." Y/N grinned, "This is in case you see a pinata." He handed them a bat. "..Thanks?" Tommy said. "Better safe than sorry!" He called out. Tommy and Y/N sped off to find their brother. They heard screams and drove to the direction of the sound. "LET'S GO!" Y/N exclaimed. "Get his arm there, Steve!" Tubbo was struggling against several gnomes. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Tommy exclaimed. "Tommy! Y/N! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total assholes!" Tubbo cried.

"Gnomes..? We were way off." Tommy mumbled. Y/N flipped open the journal. "Damn.. no weaknesses." They sighed. "Hey! Hey! Let go of my brother!" Y/N demanded. "This is all one big misunderstanding. Your brothers not in any danger! He's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our king for all of eternity!" The lead gnome explained. "Give him back right now, or else, prick!" Tommy demanded. "You think you can stop us, child? You have no idea what we're capable of!" The gnome went on a tangent before Tommy scooped him up with the shovel and tossed him to the side. Y/N used that chance to free Tubbo, dragging him back to the kart with Tommy. "GO GO GO!" Tubbo exclaimed. "I wouldn't worry about it. See their little fucking legs? Those pricks are tiny." Tommy smirked. Tommy stopped when they heard the noises of a creature. A giant gnome creature, to be exact. "Damn." Tubbo said. "MOVE! GO GO GO!" Y/N screeched. The giant creature chased them through the forest. Gnomes launched onto the kart. "Agh!" Tubbo exclaimed. "GET OFF MY FACE!" Y/N cried. "I got you, sib!" Tubbo punched the gnome, while also accidentally punching Y/N several times before the gnome let go, revealing new bruises on Y/N's face. "..Thanks bro.." They winced. "Look out!" Tubbo cried. They crashed into the back of the Mystery Shack. They were officially cornered. The triplets hugged each other in terror. "W-where's Gruncle Schlatt??" Y/N asked. "It's the end of the line, kids! Tubbo, marry us before we do something crazy!" The lead gnome ordered. "There's gotta be a fucking way out of this.." Tommy muttered. "I gotta do it." Tubbo decided. "What?!" The other two triplets exclaimed. "Tubbo, are you crazy?!" Y/N asked. "Trust me." Tubbo said. "..What??" Tommy gasped. "Trust me, just this once, guys." Tubbo said. The two hesitated and then nodded. "Alright, Jeff. I'll marry you." Tubbo stepped forward. "Hot dog!" The lead gnome climbed down to Tubbo. "You may now kiss the groom." Tubbo said after the lead gnome put a ring on his finger. "Well, I don't if I do!" The lead gnome grinned, puckering up. Tubbo took that chance to hit him with the leafblower that was left outside. "Agh!" The gnome screamed. "That's for lying to me! That's the breaking my heart! And that's for messing with my siblings!" Tubbo shot the gnome off into the forest and the rest of the gnomes scattered away. As the triplets walked back into the Mystery Shack, Tubbo stopped them. "Hey, Y/N, Tommy, I'm sorry. You two were really just trying to look out for me." Tubbo sighed. "Oh, don't be like that! You saved our asses back there!" Tommy smiled. "I guess I'm just sad that Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes." Tubbo sighed. "Hey, look on the bright side! Maybe the next one will be a vampire." Y/N giggled. "You're just saying that." Tubbo giggled, punching their shoulder. "..Awkward triplet hug?" Y/N suggested. "Awkward triplet hug." Tommy and Tubbo said together, the three of them in a hug. ... "Yeesh, you three get hit by a bus or something? Hahah!" Schlatt laughed. The triplets ignored him. "Hey, um,, I accidentally overstocked some items, why don't you three take something?" Schlatt said. "What's the catch?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "The catch is do it before I change my mind, now go!" Schlatt said. The triplets grinned at each other. Tubbo picked out a grappling hook, Tommy picked out a music disc, and Y/N picked out a a hat with a bat symbol on it. ... This journal told me that there was no one you could trust. But when you go up against an army of gnomes with side by side with two people, you realize they probably got their back. "Tubbo, can you get the light?" Y/N asked. "You got it, sib!" Tubbo shot the grappling hook at the light. "Oh, for fuck's sake!" Tommy rolled his eyes. Tubbo and Y/N giggled. Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked? -------

[formeandmyfics]

Jugenea Fic

I’LL NEVER STOP WANTING YOU

When an almost divorced, and recently dumped, Judy goes out looking for a good time at an unfamiliar nightclub, Gene refuses to let her leave with a stranger.

1943

The streets of Metro’s east lot were quiet and empty as Gene walked down the black pavement waving through a lawn between rehearsal halls. The pavement was dewy as it just finished raining and the July air was muggy, sounds of crickets filled his ears.

He had his hands in his pockets and his steps were slow. It was after nine o’clock but he wasn’t in a hurry to get to his car. In fact, he wasn’t in a hurry to get home either. Like everyone else on a Friday evening, normally he would have already been out of there, but that was when he had something exciting to get to.

Judy crossed his mind. This time last year, while filming ‘My Gal’, the two couldn’t wait to meet up at Ciro’s on a Friday evening. They would dance and laugh and have fun with friends then end the night rolling around the back seat of his car like love struck teenagers. Frequently he would get off to her BJ or she to his fingers, but rarely they’d actually make love in the vehicle. That was mostly done in their trailers at the studio where they had privacy.  

Lately, the only thing he looked forward to after work was Kerry. But right now she was out east with his parents for a few weeks, letting his family spend time with her during the summer.  

He had just gotten back from filming in Europe and he and Betsy seemed to be off track again. He wanted to get back on it, but his determination that he had to fix his marriage, back when they had the baby last October, just wasn’t there as much as it used to be. He didn’t even feel like going to Ciro’s. If Judy was there, he was afraid he’d slip right back into what he tried so hard to avoid to work on his marriage. But, if she ended up not being there, he knew he’d also be disappointed. She was still his friend and gave him so much joy. He missed her sense of humor.  

After the new year, they ended their affair. He wanted it more than her, he could tell, but she wanted one last shot at saving her new, but defeating marriage to Dave. Shortly after, he heard about her nervous collapse on the set of ‘Girl, Crazy’ followed by three weeks of rest. Roger informed him, over coffee in the commissary one day, that it was that God-damn Busby that was the result. Gene suspected their split was a part of it as well, though he never asked her. Never had a chance.  

In March they reunited to record a radio adaptation of their picture, and Judy sent him flirtatious signals that only he would recognize, but he made a point to ignore them. She remained cordial.  

Four months.  

He hadn’t seen her, or spoken to her, for four months. He read about her in the paper, spoke of her with mutual friends, heard her on the radio, but hadn’t seen her lovely face since then. Gene knew one thing; he was coming off a withdrawal from Judy Garland and it wasn’t fun. It was a total downer.  

Gene jingled his car keys in his pocket as he could see the east parking lot up ahead, but he felt something in that moment that people rarely felt there: peace. It was the most deserted and silent he had ever heard Metro. Except for a janitor or construction worker rolling by on a golf cart, he was alone. It felt nice.   He sat down on a bench outside Goldwyn Hall, a two-story brick building, named after one of the studio’s founding fathers. Upstairs were vocal rehearsal rooms and downstairs were songwriter and lyricist's offices. Gene had spent a lot of time in that building when he first came to Metro last year.

After Gene sat down, he bent his head forward, as he rested his elbows on his knees, and spun his keys around his finger. But, an echo of music started playing behind him. It was piano. He quickly grasped his keys to silence them when he heard Judy’s voice. His first initial reaction was that someone had the radio on or was playing back a recording, but her voice went from faint then got stronger.

Gene lifted his head when he heard her stop, then start over again. That was her. He turned around on the bench and looked up at the second story window that was open and the light was on. He felt his heart flutter when he realized she was up there. Gene double checked his watch. She wasn’t working this late was she? Maybe with Roger? His office was downstairs. Curious, but also failing to stop the urge to see her again, he got up and walked inside.  

Judy was sitting alone at the piano in one of the small rehearsal rooms, her beautiful and distinctive voice bouncing off of every corner, as she sang, and played, ‘But Not For Me’.

Gene was leaning his shoulder on the wall, behind the see-through, glass door as he watched her. Even though the door was shut, he could still clearly hear her. She was lost in the song, playing by heart, singing with certain expressions; it was as if she were still in front of the cameras.  

When Judy mindlessly glanced up, she did a double take, seeing him. Through the sound of music, she could suddenly hear her own heartbeat thudding. She was surprised to see him, but at the same time, wasn’t. He tended to show up at places like this, at the strangest of times. She noted how handsome, and relaxed he looked leaning there behind the glass watching her.

She genuinely smiled through a lyric acknowledging him. Her voice didn’t falter nor did the keys.  

He had been spotted, Gene thought, and he pulled the door open. She continued the song, her eyes following him as he slowly walked over to the piano. He seemed so shy that his steps were careless, his heels scuffling against the floor.  

Leaning his elbows on the piano his eyes didn’t quite catch hers as he listened. Instead, he glanced at the music on top of the piano. He knew she couldn’t read a note of music, that’s why she wasn’t using it. She had this uncanny way of knowing how to sing a song, and play it on piano, once hearing the melody only once, twice at most. Something only he, and a very few others knew, was that she played the piano. She refused to have that small pleasure taken away to be a money making venture.  

When her fingers played the last few notes of her current song, she kept her eyes glued on Gene who looked a little melancholy, tapping his pointed finger against the sheet music, obviously lost in his thoughts. It made her feel a little uneasy, and sad, so she purposely started playing the beginning to ‘For Me and My Gal’. Gene instantly smiled before looking over at her. She smiled back.

“Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong...” she sang the opening verse.

“Do you hear the bells go ding dong,” he chimed while singing with her.

They both chuckled and she stopped playing as she sat on the bench next to her.

“How are you, darling,” she asked.

“Oh, just swell. You?”

“Oh, life’s just a bowl of cherries.”

She sounded cheery, but he knew her comment was more sarcastic. He had read about her separation from her husband and that she had just recently moved into a house up in Bel Air. He also heard about her short-lived affair with Joe Mackiewicz out in Palm Springs where she had filmed the rest of her Mickey picture. Rumor was that married Mackiewicz just wanted fun but Judy wanted more. Gene didn’t usually pay much attention to gossip, but this time he had a feeling it was true. It could almost be the same thing that happened to them, though Gene didn’t just see her as a piece of ass, like he was sure a man like Joe did, Gene had fallen for her; mind, body and soul.  

“What are you doing up here all alone, toots?”

“I have a radio show tomorrow night to promote ‘Girl, Crazy’. I was just going over a few songs. What about you? You’re never at the studio this late.”

“I was doing some post-ADR for my picture. Then got caught up in a choreography session for a film I might do for Columbia in a few months.”

“Columbia,” Judy said shocked, “I’m surprised Mr. Mayer is letting them borrow you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because studios usually don’t like to hand out their big stars.”

“I’m no Gable, sweetheart.”

“Yet,” she emphasized confidently, with her finger up, “Each film you’ve done so far has been big box office draws and you’ve gotten raves in the papers.”

“Yeah, all three of them,” he rolled his eyes, “Our film was a hit because of you, baby, and ‘Pilot #5’ egh, first dramatic role, wasn’t too great in it. And you know ‘DuBarry’ was all Red and Lucy Ball.”

“That isn’t true.”

“It is. When ‘Thousands Cheer’ comes out I’m sure it will be a hit because, as you know, it’s a star-studded film. I’m sure this war film I just finished will be better than the first dramatic film I did, we’ll see.”

Judy stared at him not believing her ears and he sat there so casually.

“Gene,” she said quite sternly.

“Huh?”

“You know, you’re making me a little angry,” she giggled but was serious.

“Why,” he chuckled back.

“You really need to give yourself more credit.”

“I don’t care about any of that stuff, Judy. I just want to choreograph and dance and work with other great actors. Reviews and box office draws don’t mean a thing to me.”

“Let me ask you something. If our film sank, after how hard we worked on it, wouldn’t you have been disappointed?”

“No, because it brought me to you,” he said smiling cheekily.

She laughed, “I’m serious. Put me out of the equation.”

“Impossible,” he interrupted.

“Really, though. Darling, when you’re passionate about a film, when you really believe in it, and you worked your butt off, and you want it to be something great, and then it tanks, it can be really disheartening.”

“You sound like you’ve been through this before.”

She nodded, “‘Wizard of Oz’. You don’t know how long I worked on that film. It was fun but really hard. By the end, I just knew we had something great. Then when I went to see it, and it didn’t have the reaction we all hoped, it kinda broke my heart. I always thought that it was me, that it would have done better if they had stuck with Shirley.”

“Shirley who?”

“Temple.”

“Get out of here.”

“Mm hm. They were juggling us back and forth but Fox wouldn’t let Shirley go back then.”

“She’s a sweetie pie, but she’s a baby actor and dancer, not a singer. ‘Over the Rainbow’,” he gave her a silly look showing her that it was destined to be a Judy Garland song only, “Please.”

Judy giggled, “See. And that’s what always wins...music. Even if a film doesn’t do well, or the story is not that great, a good musical number or song will always be remembered. Rainbow is mine. What will be yours?”

Gene looked at her taken back a bit, though he wasn’t all surprised. She always came off beyond wise for her years.

“I will always take pride in my dancing. I did the same on Broadway.”

“Ok. And hold onto that, because your dancing, or a particular musical number of yours, will be the heart of even the worst of films,” she teased. “It only takes 2 minutes of you tap dancing like you did in ‘DuBarry’ that will be remembered out of a 90 minute film. Be proud of it and don’t hold yourself short. And if you find yourself disappointed, that means you’re passionate about it, and that’s ok, too.”

Gene looked at her slyly and pressed a few keys on the piano, his ego shooting through the roof.

“My biggest fan.”

Judy wrapped her arms around his bicep and leaned her cheek against his shoulder, “Are you mine?”

Gene stiffened a bit. Her question was bouncing from his statement, but her voice suggested something entirely different.  

“You know I’ll always be your biggest fan, Judy.  Always gonna stand by and root for ya, honey.”

“I’ve missed you,” she said sweetly, raising her head to rest her chin on his shoulder now, staring at the side of him as he looked away from her angelic face.

“I know. I’ve been busy with work. I’ve been out promoting the last film and then I was across the pond filming ‘Cross of Lorraine’. I just got back last week. I haven’t even been out to any clubs. I know you were filming out on location, too.”

Judy’s face dropped a bit, “That’s not what I meant.” 

He sighed, “No, I didn’t think so.”

“Haven’t you missed me?”

“I’ve missed my best friend.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes. I can’t cross that line.”

“What line,” she asked annoyed.

“The line you’re on, baby,” he said looking back at her trying to make his point clear without hurting her feelings. But, it was already too late.

Judy slid her arms from his and sat up straight. She tried to distract herself as she played some keys, pretending to get back to rehearsing. Gene also read her point cloud and clear.

“I’m glad I got to see you again. I’ll tell ya one thing,” he said reaching under her chin to have her look up at him, “I’ve missed that face.”

Judy just blinked, no expression present, but he could read her eyes, she was upset. But she had to get over it, over him.

“Go home and get some rest.”

“It’s lonely there, you know.”

“Then distract yourself. Go out with some friends, go to Ciro’s. You love that and you don’t have to be here tomorrow.”

Judy brushed his hand off of her and went back to playing.

Gene was silent a moment before he leaned down and kissed her cheek, “Good night.

When the door shut behind him, Judy pound her hands on the keys and stood up, “Fine. I will go out. I’m going to go out and find a man who will actually want me,” she said to herself as she collected her purse.

Gene pulled up at a red light on Venice Boulevard, his head and his heart in an emotional battle, when he heard a honk. Looking over, his buddy Van Johnson was smiling, motioning for him to roll his window down. Gene smiled back, and leaned far over to roll the passenger side down.

"Hey buddy," Van said cheerfully.

"What are you doing out in this part of town this late? You're usually out hob-knobbing on Friday nights."

"Had a late dinner with Evie and a couple of her girlfriends. She wanted to stay, so I high-tailed it out of there."

Gene looked ahead making sure the light was still red, "Too much cock in the hen house?"

"Exactly. What are you doing out this way?"

"Just left the studio," Gene motioned behind him, where the studio stood a few minutes back.

"This late?" Gene nodded and Van continued, "Damn. Well, you got any plans?”

"Nope."

"You wanna go out and have a few?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. But let's do one of the joints on Melrose. I don't feel like swinging with Hollywood tonight."

The light turned green so they quickly ended their conversation.

"How about Blue Martini, Melrose and La Cienega?"

"I gotta go home and change first. I'll meet you there," Gene shouted as they started rolling as cars honked behind both of them.

He chuckled when he saw Van, in his rearview mirror, throw his hand out the window at the car behind him.

When Gene arrived home, the house was dark and quiet. Upstairs, Betsy was curled in bed with a book and the radio going next to her.  

"Hi."

"Hi. You're home late."

"I know. I stayed and worked on some ideas for that 'Cover Girl' picture coming up. And I ran into Judy when I was leaving," he said casually as he started to unbutton his shirt.

"Oh yeah? How's she doing," Betsy asked a bit uninterested as she continued to read her suspense book.

"Fine. Didn't talk too long. She just got back from filming on location, too."

"I'm surprised you didn't catch up with her. You haven't seen her for a while, right," Betsy said now placing the book in her lap, "You two became good friends back on your picture. Maybe we can arrange to all have dinner sometime."

Gene froze for a moment before walking into the walk-in closet. He had mentioned Judy casually, to keep it unsuspecting, but now the conversation was going further than he meant.

Speaking up from the closet he changed the subject real fast, "Van pulled up next to me at a red light. Invited me out for a few drinks right now," he poked his head out, "I know you're all comfy, but do you want to come with me?"

"No, thanks," she said smiling sheepishly as she snuggled further into bed to hint to him that she was very comfy, "But you go ahead."  

Gene leaned back and raised his eyebrows to himself as he picked out a fresh dress shirt. He wasn't surprised at her response. She rarely liked to go out lately, not since they moved to Los Angeles. He understood at first. Perhaps she was shy. He was always able to persuade her then though. Then pregnancy happened, then the baby was born. He understood that as well. But Kerry was nine months old now. His wife could at least try but she got way too comfortable being a homebody while Gene enjoyed the nightlife.

June Allyson held hands with Judy as she led her through the crowded nightclub called the Blue Martini on Melrose not too far from Paramount Studios. Judy knew most of her pals were at The Player’s Club or Ciro’s or another joint on the Sunset Strip. She wanted to go out and have a night of flirtatious fun with someone she didn’t know. Judy knew if she were to go to Ciro’s, as Gene suggested, which was one of her favorite places, then word would get back to Mr. Mayer of her indiscretions and she didn’t feel like spending Monday morning in his office getting another talking to.

Judy didn’t want to show up somewhere alone, and she didn’t know many other bars, so she didn’t want to end up in some dive. She had to think of someone whom she trusted that would know where to go. That brought her to her new friend, June. She was new to Metro and had a small part in ‘Girl, Crazy’. They had hit it off right away. June had the same sense of humor as Judy. And even though on the outside she was the ‘girl next door’, June had street smarts from working on Broadway and living alone in New York. Judy, of course, didn’t know June well enough to tell her of her goal for the night; to have a one-night stand, or at least a good time with a handsome stranger. But, June knew exactly where to go. She described the club as a little jazz gem away from the high-ballers. That’s exactly what Judy wanted.  

The club was much smaller than the other places she was used to, but it was still charming, and sexy. The smoke-filled nightclub had an ambience of blue lighting and there was a gorgeous, lit up fountain in the middle of the club.

Judy looked around as June led her swiftly towards a free table over by the bar. She passed many people, ones she didn’t recognize, but they still had an elegant look to them which relaxed her a bit. She definitely was not in some drunkard’s dive.

As they passed a booth of men in suites talking over Brandy, Judy caught a man’s eye. He smiled and looked her up and down as she was rushed by. Judy had just enough time to glance back at him over her shoulder smiling back. She wasn’t sure if he recognized her or not, but she didn’t care at that point. She was already ahead of her goal and he was very handsome.

“Thank goodness we got a table, it’s almost standing room only,” June said sitting down.

“This is great. Where on earth did you find this place?”

“I came here with Lucy a few months ago when we were filming ‘Best Foot Forward’. Her husband was playing here with his band for a few weeks during ‘Rumba’ night. I thought it was a cute place.”

“It’s just what I needed. And look, no cameras going off in your face.”

“That must be hard, to try to have a good time and then you have cameramen running up to you.”

“I really don’t mind it all that much. I guess I’ve gotten used to it, but tonight I wanted to be away from all that. You, darling, will soon find out what it feels like.”

“I’ll be on my way up, that’s what they tell me. I don’t mind though, you know? I’m just happy to be here at the studio working. And,” June said, reaching over to grab Judy’s hand warmly, “To have made friends with you.”

“Me, too. You’re a doll.”

“Cocktails, ladies,” a waitress in a sleek, black uniform asked.

“A glass of red Cabernet for me, please.”

“Top shelf whiskey sour.”

“You got it.”

Chatter filled the nightclub as the band went on break. Judy looked back over her shoulder at the table. She saw the man look at her but he was immersed in his conversation in the booth. She decided to let some cocktails sink in, and music come back, before she got more courage to continue her quest.  

“I heard from Arthur that he wants L.B. to put you on contract, that’s a sure thing of being on your way up.”

“He’s talking about having me star in some film with Van Johnson. Until then, I'm still doing my side parts, but I've met so many greats. I really don’t care if I climb up or not. I do hope maybe one day we can work together.”

“I would love that. I would love to sing with you. You sound like a bell.”

“Me,” June sarcastically said, pointing to herself reminding them of who just made that compliment. Both ladies giggled.

“I swear, between you and Gene, it’s like you have no confidence in your talent.”

“Gene?”

“Kelly. Have you met him yet?”

“Not yet. I’ve seen your picture though. It was swell and looked like fun.”

“It was a lot of fun. That was his first picture, you know.”

“I know. I heard that you helped him get it.”

“I wanted him for it and I’m glad the studio listened. His talent is beyond amazing, June, it really is. And we became very good friends.”

“Oh, I could tell that. I would see you two hanging out together outside your sound stages in between takes. I think you were both doing separate films. Ya, he was doing a film with Lucy.”

“Yah. You should have come hung out with us.”

“I didn’t want to intrude. Besides, I was still so new and shy. I’d see you and duck into a stairwell.”

“Oh, stop,” Judy laughed. “You know, Gene was just talking to me earlier about not caring if he gets ahead, all he wants to do is dance and work.”

“I suppose that’s what being green in this industry is all about.”

“Here you are, ladies.”

“Thank you.”

June held up her glass, “To being green.”

“But having confidence in your talent,” Judy said back and the girls clinked glasses before sipping.

June made a noise as she sipped and quickly took her glass away from her lips, “Speak of the devil.”

“What?”

“Gene Kelly just walked in.”

Judy giggled, wiping her pink-polished fingers on her cocktail napkin to rid the wetness of her glass’s condensation. Clearly, June was teasing.  

“Van Johnson is with him, too.”

Judy’s eyes widened as she looked up at June, who stared over her shoulder with curious eyes taking another sip of her wine.  

“No, they aren’t,” Judy mumbled to herself and turned to look herself.  

Yes, they were.  

Judy watched as the men figured out where to go in the crowded room. She turned back around and closed her eyes. After Gene’s rejection, he was the last person she wanted to see right now.  

“Want to go say hi?”

“You know, I- I’m sure they came here for the same reason we did...to not be bothered. Let’s just leave them alone.”

“Too late, honey, Van’s pointed at us,” she lowered her voice in a deep undertone to be playful, “You’ve been spotted.”

Gene was steps behind Van as he bee lined for the small table for two where Judy sat with a woman that he kind of recognized. He was a bit shell-shocked to see Judy at this joint and it showed plain as day on his face.  

“Hiya sweet cheeks,” Van said as he made no hesitation in cuddling Judy hard from the side, to where her chair even scooted with the force of the embrace, and he planted a big kiss on her cheek.

She giggled, and glanced up at Gene, a smile on her face, but she didn’t look too thrilled. Gene could see that.

“You know my buddy here,” Van said sarcastically introducing Gene to Judy.

“Clark Gable,” Gene replied, “I think we’ve met once or twice before,” he replied just as sarcastically.

“I don’t recall,” she said a bit cattily, smiling and batting her lashes.

Gene’s smile dropped but June spoke up, “And I do recall that I haven't met you yet, Mr. Kelly.”

Gene turned his attention to June, “And who might you be, my dear?”

“June Allyson,” Van replied, “Up and rising star at our alma mater. And hopefully my next leading lady.”

“Hopefully.”

“Yes, I’ve seen you around the lot. How do you do, Miss Allyson?”

“June.”

“Then it’s Gene to you.”

“I was just telling Judy how wonderful I thought your film was.”

“Which film is that?”

He shot Judy a look at his intentional remark and it was Judy’s turn to look at Gene sans smile.  

Judy perched her lips irritated before nearly speaking through her teeth, a forced smile plastered, “The one we did together, darling.”

“Oh, yes. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Van, buddy, how about we head to the bar? There’s two seats at the end.”

“Ladies, would you like some company? Two women alone in the bar calls for two gentleman callers.”

“Unfortunately, this is a table for two, sweetie,” Judy replied sweetly.  

“There’s always our laps,” Van winked.

Judy nervously scratched her neck and chuckled, turning red. She knew which lap she’d end up on and was afraid Gene would push her off.

“And where is Evie,” June asked, mischievously bringing up his girlfriend’s name.  

“Hey, I can look but not touch right?”

“Down boy,” Gene said, grabbing Van’s bicep, “I think we might’ve intruded on girl’s night.”

“Then I shall bow out gracefully.”

“Thank you,” Judy said, smiling genuinely and accepted a peck on the lips from her friend.  

After Van kissed Judy goodbye, he gave June’s hand a kiss and followed Gene to the bar.

As time went by, even though Judy could feel Gene’s eyes on her, she refused to turn to look at him. Luckily, a few of Van’s friends showed up and the five of the men got lost in conversation, taking Gene’s attention away from her. At one point, Judy could even hear Gene’s laughter from across the way as the men got rowdy.

June and Judy got lost in gossip and anecdotes and enjoyed each other's company along with the live music.

After the waitress put down another fresh drink for Judy, June smiled sheepishly as she just took the last sip of her 2nd glass of wine.

“How are you feeling?”

“Mm, good. How about you?”

“Fine, but I’m not the one drinking my cocktails like water.”

Judy blushed, “They’re good.”

June giggled. She knew well enough that Judy Garland wasn’t an alcoholic. She just needed a well-deserved night off, but June decided that they’d probably be best taking a cab home instead of Judy’s personal chauffeur who had dropped them off. June was still new to this side of business, and didn’t know if she could trust him. Last thing Judy needed was word to get out from her driver that MGM’s ‘it’ girl got inebriated.

Judy looked over at the booth, where the man she first made eyes with was, but he was no longer there. She didn’t notice Gene looking at her as she leaned far back in her chair to look past his group. Curious, he looked behind him to see what or who she was looking at.

Seeing that booth now vacant, Judy decided she’d have to find someone else to flirt with, but first was going to freshen up.

“I’m going to use the washroom,” she said standing up, “I’ll be right back.”

Before June could even respond, Judy lost her balance a bit and June quickly grabbed Judy’s arm and the table that wobbled. Judy found it hilarious as she steadied herself, her infectious laugh louder than anyone else’s in the room.

Her laugh even got Gene’s attention as he watched her walk away from the table. Catching eyes with June, she made a funny drinking motion to tell him Judy was ok but drank too much. He sighed heavily through his nose giving her a nod in acknowledgement.

Judy returned a few minutes later and tried to sit down elegantly, but ended up wobbling the table again.

“Oops.”

“Have you eaten anything?”

“No.”

“I’ll order an appetizer. You gotta eat when you drink.”

“Yes, mother,” she giggled, “I didn’t realize how fast it hit me until I went to the bathroom.”

“That’s usually how it happens.”

“See any cute men walk by while I was gone?”

“I haven’t really paid attention. Why? Are you looking?”

“Maybe,” Judy said back innocently.

Just then they heard a male’s voice next to them, “Sorry to intrude…”

Judy and June both looked up to find the same man that had made eyes at Judy earlier. Judy was pleasantly surprised. He looked to be in his 30's, was tall, great posture, with dark blonde hair and a pearly white smile.

“I don’t normally do this, but Miss Garland, would you mind terribly if I asked for an autograph?”

That answered Judy’s question whether he had recognized her or not.

“I’d love to.”

He handed her a pen and grabbed a clean cocktail napkin on their table sliding it in front of her.

She smiled amused, “Is it for anyone in particular?”

“Myself. Just your name is fine.”

After signing, Judy handed it back to him.

“Lovely,” he said looking at her beautiful signature and folded it up putting it in his pocket, “My name is Tom, but I just used this as an excuse to come over and talk to you especially since we noticed one another when you walked in.”

Judy smiled flirtatiously, very amused now at his frankness. June saw the look on Judy’s face, she tried to suppress her giggle.

“I don’t mind. But I am curious as to why it took you so long to come over.”

The man’s smile widened, his eyes sparkling back, and June cleared her throat.

“I’m going to see what the boys are up to,” she said, grabbing her wine glass.

“Miss,” he said as June smiled at Judy and slipped on by them.

Tom immediately sat down in her seat without asking, “I, ah, I hope your friend doesn’t mind.”

“She doesn’t,” Judy said leaning her chin on her hands, “She can tell I’m interested.”

Judy was never this brave off the bat but the alcohol was helping tremendously and she wanted to have fun. Not only that, she was more confident knowing the man was interested back and her body craved attention.

“Are you now,” he said, his ego boosted.

“Mm hm. You’re very handsome, you know.”

“Well, I always thought you were cute on screen, but you’re even more beautiful in person.”

“Thank you.”

“I mean it. You’re a dish,” his eyes seductively eyed her up and down, “How about another drink?”

“I really shouldn’t,” she said in her most adorable voice. It was definitely an act, but it never failed to get her what she wanted, “I’m already quite tipsy.”

“I see no problem with that, honey,” he said back suggestively. To others, the comment would be seen as a red flag, but it flew right over Judy’s intoxicated head.

“I’ll finish this drink and start drinking water. So, Tom, what do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer downtown. But work-talk is boring.”

“Oh, good. I despise small talk.”

“Then ask me something interesting.”

“Mm, are you single?”

He leaned forward on his elbows like she was, “I am...currently. You?”

“Uh...currently.”

“Maybe we can change that.”

“Yeah,” she asked intrigued, thinking they could possibly go to another nightclub alone, “Well, what are you doing after this?”

“Hopefully I’m looking at it.”

Judy looked at him a little taken back but she was definitely not displeased nor insulted.

“How about a dance, sugar?”

“I’d love it,” she replied and took his hand.

She was lightheaded but feeling very good and let him guide her to the dance floor where other couples were currently slow dancing.

Gene’s eyes stayed glued on Judy and the man as they embraced closely on the dancefloor as everyone around him were rowdy and took no notice. They were too close for Gene’s comfort, especially since he didn't recognize the man. By now, he had become accustomed to all her mutual friends.

“June,” Gene asked as her back was turned to him while she spoke with Van.

“Hm?”

“Who is that dancing with Judy?”

“I don’t know. He came up asking for an autograph just so he could talk to her. That’s why I came over here. They were pretty flirty.”

Gene watched them intently. He could definitely see Judy was not uncomfortable in his arms, but she was drunk. The man knew that, too, and he was sure that he was using it to his advantage.

When the third dance started, their faces were inches apart as they spoke. Gene was becoming more alert and more worked up. He didn’t care if Judy was coming onto the man, it wasn’t right. She was under the influence, feeling vulnerable, not to mention she was a famous celebrity. She couldn’t just go around with random men. It would get her into trouble, in more ways than one. He wasn’t thinking as a jealous ex-lover, he was thinking as her best friend.

When Judy slipped her arms around the guy's neck suggestively as their hips slowly swayed, his hand slid down her ass, cupping the bottom of it. When she didn’t move his hand away, Gene placed his glass on the bar with a loud thump. It was so loud that it got June’s attention. She looked to where Gene was staring.

Gene didn’t even notice June until he saw her walk up to Judy.

“Judy,” June asked, tapping Judy’s back.

The couple turned to her but remained in their stance.

“Hm?”

“Can I talk to you for a moment,” June politely looked at the man, “Sorry.”

Tom didn’t falter and looked down at Judy completely turned on.

“Is it an emergency,” Judy asked concerned.

“No.”

“Well, then, as you can see I’m a little busy right now, darling,” she said, placing her hand on the man’s chest as they started twirling again, “I’ll talk to you later…” she then gave a slurred giggle, “...or more like tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” the man agreed.

As an irritated June walked back towards the bar she mumbled, “Should’ve lied and said it was an emergency.”

Gene was paying his bill when June came back up to him.

“Gene, uh, I know we don’t know each other, but we’re both Judy’s friends, and I have to tell you, I don’t like what’s going on over there.”

“No,” he simply said, agreeing, as he threw down a hefty tip on the edge of the bar for the bartender.

“I realize she’s a grown woman, and separated from her husband, but she’s had too much to drink, you know? She’s not thinking straight.”

“Yep,” he said, as it was nothing new to what had already gone through his mind, “What did she say when you went over?”

“Didn’t want to talk to me. They seem pretty intent on leaving together and I don’t think it’s a good idea especially in her state. What if she regrets it or something bad happens?”

“Nothing’s going to happen.”

“It won’t?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not going to let it. She’s too good a friend of mine for me to let her leave with some guy she doesn’t know. Plus,” he emphasized, “she’s Judy Garland.”

“That was my thought, too,” June looked over to the dance floor and didn’t see them. She looked at their table which was still empty, “Gene, where did they go?”

Gene quickly looked around and didn’t see them either. When he whipped his body towards the door, it was just enough time for him to see them exit holding hands.

“Oh, nope,” he said sternly as he grabbed his fedora, “Nope.”

June watched as she saw Gene swiftly head towards the door.

Gene didn’t see them when he first walked out the doors but he heard her loud laugh echo from around the corner and his steps became longer and faster. When he turned the corner, he saw Judy wobble on her heels but the man laughed with her and secured an arm around her waist. Tom reached down, giving her a kiss on the cheek as they headed towards a black Cadillac.

That son-of-a-bitch, Gene thought as his steps became angry the closer he got to them. Before he knew it, he grabbed Judy's free hand.

“Thanks,” he said to the other man as he started pulling her away, but Judy quickly resisted.

“Gene, what are you doing?”

Her horrified voice made Tom quickly grab her again around the waist to hold her back to him and she didn’t resist him.

“You’re coming with me,” Gene stated calmly.

“I am what,” she laughed ridiculously.

“Who is this joker,” Tom asked her, not recognizing him.

“It’s alright, Tom. He’s a friend of mine,” Judy looked at Gene angrily, “And if he doesn’t back off, he won’t be any longer.”

Gene didn’t falter, “Judy, let’s go.”

“I am going. I’m going with my new friend here.”

“Going to do what?”

“I don’t think that is any of your business.”

“It’s definitely not his business,” Tom added.

“Would you really like to know, Gene,” she said with that intentional voice of hers, egging him on.

“Oh, yeah?” Gene asked and took a step towards her, challenging her and his voice came out disgusted, “I bet you don’t even know his last name.”

Even through glassy eyes, she suddenly showed guilt, and was quiet.

“Look, back off, Bud. She’s a big girl.”

Gene’s eyes didn’t leave Judy’s but she looked down almost ashamed and he spoke sternly but calmly, “Judy.”

“Don’t worry, Daddy, I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” Tom chuckled.

Judy had looked up at Gene with that last comment, and her expression showed horror. Even with the extremely fuzzy effects of the alcohol, she knew that to Gene those were fighting words.

Gene chuckled back, but then he took a step aside ready to fight, but Judy quickly placed her hands on his chest.

“Gene,” she pleaded.

“Come on, babe, let's go,” Tom said and turned to walk to his car.

“She’s not a *babe*, asshole, she’s a lady. Let’s go,” Gene suddenly bent down and swooped Judy over his shoulder. She gasped and held onto his back as he started walking them the other direction.

“Gene! PUT ME DOWN! GENE!”

He ignored her yells and her fists on his back, but when she suddenly kicked, her stiletto got a little too close.

“Judy, for Christ sakes, you almost kicked me in the head.”

He turned the corner back in front of the club where his car was parking in front and immediately saw June and Van run out.

“I should kick you in the balls for ruining my night,” Judy spat back.

“Van, open the back door of my car, will ya.”

Van seemed amused as he did what he was told. Gene set Judy down and tried to put her in the back seat but she again resisted.

“Get in there.”

“I’m not going in there. I came with June.”

“Judy, dammit, you’re testing my patience. Now, get in the goddamn back seat before I throw you in.”

Judy knew he was serious, but she still protested, “I swear, if you do this Gene, never come crawling back to me again. I mean it, we’re over for good. And we’re no longer friends either!”

“Crawling back to her,” Van asked, confused as hell.

Gene’s eyes widened at her before he turned around to face the confused pair, “I have no idea what gibberish she’s talking about. The booze has obviously made her mentally and verbally unstable.”

Judy shrieked insulted.

“Now GET IN THERE!”

“ALRIGHT,” she screeched back shocked from his angry yell at her and she went into the backseat.

Gene slammed the door before turning back to his friends exhausted.

“I’ll give Junie a ride home. Don’t worry about it,” Van said.

“Here. This is hers,” June smiled and handed him Judy’s small purse.

Gene looked at it and nodded before walking around to the drivers side. He tossed the purse in the backseat carelessly, almost hitting her, as he got in.

“Hey!”

Van and June both smiled as they heard Judy yell through the closed windows and then they watched them drive off.

The car was silent, not even the radio was on, as Gene’s eyes met hers though the rearview mirror as he rolled up to the first red light.

“You realize you almost ratted us out back there?”

Judy whimpered as she readjusted herself in the backseat, leaning her head back, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Van and June. You nearly told them about us.”

“We’re not together anymore. Who cares,” she said in a slurred speech.

“I care. You may not be with your husband anymore, but my wife would also care. Oh, she’d care a lot.”

“THEN GO HOME TO HER,” Judy suddenly yelled as she sat up with determination. It was obviously a sore spot.

“Would you lower your voice? Geez,” he said, wiggling his finger in his ear.

“Slow down,” she said leaning her head back again, “I’m dizzy. Better yet, just drop me off here. Then you can go back to your marriage.”

“Drop you off,” he chuckled, “on the corner of Melrose. I’m sorry, honey, but you don’t fit in with the prostitutes. And I’m not going back to my ‘marriage’ as you call it, until I know you’re ok.”

“You might want to rephrase that, Gene,” she said sadly.

He realized what he said and sighed, “What I meant to say was…”

“I know what you meant,” she replied, knowing he wouldn’t go back home until she was home herself.

When they arrived at her home in Bel Air, Judy was fast asleep. After he opened the passenger door, he stared at her angelic face for a moment. She sure was a spit fire, but right now she looked like such an innocent child. It was the same when he had stared at her asleep in his arms after they had just had a naughty and solicitous encounter or had one of their amusing arguments. So many emotions were running through him.

He got her keys out of her purse before lifting her in his arms. With a bit of a struggle, he did manage to get them both inside, but it wasn’t easy with her near flaccid body hanging off of him.  Gene stood there a moment. He knew where she lived but he had never been inside before. It was charming.

Once he got up the stairs, he headed straight into the first bedroom he came upon but stopped short. That wasn’t her room, he thought. It was fully furnished, but it didn’t seem like her. Figuring it was a guest room, he kept going down the hall. He walked past a bathroom and an office before heading straight for the open double doors at the end of the hall.

Oh, yes, this definitely was her room. The bed was large and opulent, with one of her slips laying in the middle of the floor and a chiffon scarf over her vanity’s mirror. It even smelled like her perfume.

After laying Judy on her bed, he carefully slipped off her slip on stilettos.

“Where am I,” she mumbled very sleepily.

“You’re home, in your bed,” he said as he walked over to set her Chanel shoes on the dresser. One, he knew how much she took care of her designer pieces, and two he didn’t want her to trip over them if she were to drunkenly wander out of bed. Last thing he needed was her to fall and hit her head on the dresser.

When he turned back around he saw her half sitting up trying to reach for the back of her zipper, but her movements were lazy and she couldn’t reach. He walked on over and unzipped the dress for her and helped her out of it. After it was off, wearing a two-piece white silk camisole and nude thigh high stockings, she fell back on the bed happy to go back to sleep.

Gene proceeded to cover her with a throw that was on the end of her bed, but she kicked it off.

“You need to lay on your side, sweetheart. Can you do that for me?”

Judy moaned, the skin between her eyes wrinkling in dissatisfaction, as he pulled her shoulder so she was on her side.

“Why?”

“Because if you get sick, you can choke.”

“Mmm, that’s all anyone needs to see...” she mumbled, arranging herself on her side, “...Louis B. Mayer’s ‘Darling Judy’ puking her brains out.”

Gene chuckled as he went into the master bedroom to get a glass of water for her, and a few aspirin. Setting it next to her, he looked around making sure everything was in order before he left.

“There’s water right here, Judy, if you need it, and aspirin. Do you need anything else before I go?”

“Don’t go, please.”

“You’re safe and sound in your bed now. Just get some sleep.”

“Please,” she said with her eyes closed and reached her hand up in the air for him. He took it in both his hands.

It was a moment before she spoke half-asleep, “My husband stopped wanting me, I was just a summer fling to Joe and Gene doesn't want me anymore. I miss him, doesn't he realize that?”

"Honey, I'm right here. I'm Gene."

"Why doesn't he want me anymore," she whimpered sadly.

Gene’s face fell as well. When her hand went limp and she didn’t continue, he knew she passed out. He sat down on the edge of her bed in a bit of sorrow. She really was more hurt than he thought.  He couldn’t leave her.

Gene turned off the light and left the door open as he walked to the guest room he had come across earlier. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he picked up the phone and dialed. As he waited, and hoped for the phone to be answered, he started untying his shoes.

“Hello?”

“Oh, Van, thank God you’re home already, man.”

“I just ran in to answer. Everything alright?”

“I’m at Judy’s. She’s pretty bad. I can’t leave her alone tonight in case something happens. Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Can you call Betsy and tell her that I got drunk and passed out at your place so she doesn’t worry?”

“Uh...sure. But, why don’t you just tell her the truth?”

“Oh, you definitely ain’t a married man,” Gene laughed, “It doesn’t matter what the truth is, buddy, they’ll always jump to the conclusion that you’re fucking someone else.”

Gene bit his cheek and made a face at his own comment, as he did have an affair with Judy, but tonight wasn’t the case.

“Yeah, that does make sense,” Van chuckled, “No problem, buddy.”

“Thanks.”

When they hung up, Gene sighed and fell on his back. Running a hand over his face, he snickered.

What a night.

Rain hitting the window stirred Judy out of her sleep. She was laying face down on top of her bed, her neck length curls in disarray and her mascara smeared under her eyes. She looked up at the clock on her nightstand and moaned. It was nine-thirty. The skies were grey, making her room still cozy and dark, and all she wanted to do was go back to sleep but her body thought otherwise. Not to mention she was terribly hungry.

After ten minutes, Judy finally mustered the strength to pull herself out of bed. As she passed the window, she did a double take seeing a car that wasn’t hers in her driveway. Walking to the window to get a better view, she immediately recognized whose car that was.

Gene’s.

Why was he there? Judy thought back, remembering he was at the club and then...suddenly the night came back to her. She didn’t remember coming home, but she remembered him making her get into the back seat of his car.  Quite embarrassed, she dropped her face into her hands.

“Oh, no,” she mumbled.

Wait, she thought, as her head popped up, did they sleep together? She couldn’t remember. Quickly looking down at her body, she saw that she was still dressed in her matching camisole set. Then she looked around her floor and there were no signs of any of Gene’s clothes scattered around.

She relaxed when she instinctively knew they hadn't had sex. Good gracious, she would be horrified if she had and couldn't remember. Gene would be more embarrassed than her in that regard.

Judy had just walked out of her bedroom when she heard Gene’s morning cough from down the hall. She followed the shuffling sound until she saw him in the guest room.  

Securing his pants, he didn’t notice Judy as she leaned against the door crossing her arms. When he finished and looked up to grab his shirt, he did a double take on Judy. One of the straps on her camisole tank was off her shoulder, one of her thigh high stockings now lay in a pool around her ankle, her hair looked like a bird's nest and the makeup under her eyes made her look like 20’s Gothic actress Theda Bara.

"Gosh, you look so sexy in the morning," he joked. She didn’t look amused and he spoke in an army voice, “Wipe that smile off your face, soldier.”

Judy watched as he continued dressing, working his button up dress shirt.

“Why did you stay here?”

“You asked me to.”

“I did?"

He realized then that she probably didn’t remember much and decided to skip that conversation for now.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Really? You sure look hungover.”

“Well, I don’t feel it. I woke up around 4 and got sick but I took aspirin. I’m just tired, and very hungry.”

“Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll make us breakfast.”

Judy looked at him skeptically, “Why are you doing this?”

“Judy, just because we’re not together anymore, doesn’t mean I stopped caring,” he said coldly as he did up the last button.

It stunned her.

All she could do was muster up a soft, “Ok” before walking out to take her shower.

A little later, Gene was nearly finished setting the breakfast nook when Judy came in. Her voluminous curls were damp but she managed to put on a fresh, natural look to her makeup, and threw on a casual baby-blue romper dress. It was quite short, something she would most-likely play tennis in, and her feet were bare.  

The two didn’t say a word as she sat at the table and he set their pancakes and bacon on it along with his coffee and her tea and of course some OJ. Judy felt a bit awkward at the silence, but Gene seemed just fine as he sat opposite her and read the Saturday morning paper. She distracted herself by listening to a Bing Crosby rerun playing on the portable speaker throughout breakfast. Gene did notice that her usual giggles and laughter during her favorite radio show was absent during it, which was highly unusual.

After her shower, and eating, Judy felt back to normal and more energetic, not just physically but mentally as well. It gave her the courage to break their silence.

“Thank you for breakfast.”

“Welcome,” she heard him mumble behind the paper.

Judy bit her lower lip a moment before continuing, “What a sad-looking day, huh?”

“I kinda like it. Reminds me of New York. It doesn’t rain here often,” Gene said back, his tone a little more engaged than before.

“Yah,” she agreed, “But it doesn’t make for a good Saturday, does it? Not much to do in the rain.”

“No, but maybe a day inside relaxing is just what you need... especially after last night.”

Judy heard the tone in his voice change to more sly and she cocked her head and spoke confidently, “I had a great time last night.”

Gene peeked at her from the newspaper before he folded it back up, “What do you remember from last night?”

“I remember that you ruined my good time.”

Gene stared at her before speaking matter-of-factly, “I corrected your mistake before it was made.”

“Oh,” she giggled, “Is that what you call it?”

“So,” he said, placing his coffee back on its saucer with a bit of a noise, “You remember all of it.”

“I don’t recall actually coming home, but I remember the club just fine."

"And you had a great time?"

Judy knew what he was getting at, "Yes. I know what you want me to say, darling, but I don’t regret any of it. Not. One. Bit.”

“You’re joking,” he said, astonished.

“No.”

Gene looked at her as if he didn’t hear right, “You...don’t regret anything from last night?”

“Mm, well, I should've probably ate while drinking, but,” she leaned her jaw on her open hand challenging him with a sarcastic voice, “what exactly are you referring to, Gene?”

“Oh, God,” he said leaning back in his chair, “Do I really have to say it?”

“Why would I regret that? It’s what I came to the club for.”

The tone in her voice alerted Gene that she was serious about that quest.

“Why,” he asked, shocked.

“Do *I* really have to say it,” she asked amused now.

Gene crossed his arms and just stared at her as if he was trying to read her. When she giggled, he shook his head.

“You were doing that to get me jealous, weren’t you?”

“What?”

“Admit it.”

“Gene, give me a break. I didn’t even know you were going to be at that joint. I went there with my girlfriend so I could get away from the people I knew so they wouldn’t stop me from having fun. You admit it. You were jealous and that’s why you stopped me.”

"Hey, Sweetheart, I have no problem admitting when I’m jealous, it's perfectly natural, but that’s not why I stopped you. You were drunk and acting foolish.”

“I may have been drinking, but I was not foolish. I knew exactly what I was doing. The alcohol just made me more relaxed.”

“Oh, you were relaxed alright, about as relaxed as his hands were when they were all over your ass.”

Judy didn't hesitate, “Which I enjoyed.”

“Judy…”

“Did I once look like I was uncomfortable or push him away?" When Gene didn't answer she nodded 'yes' proving her point, "Ah huh. I was very much aware that I was leaving with him when you acted like a goddamn caveman.”

Though sloshed last night, Gene could see she was sober as a judge in her acclamation and it frightened him a bit, “Why would you do that? Why would you say yes to a stranger asking you to leave with him?”

“I didn’t. He said yes to me.”

Judy flinched just a tad when Gene suddenly screeched his chair back and grabbed his empty cup of coffee heading to the counter. He was obviously very uncomfortable. Judy didn’t enjoy the conversation either, but everything was the truth.

“Why are you getting so upset,” she asked, standing up and brought her empty plate over to the sink, “I am an adult, you know, I’m a single woman, not to mention a soon-to-be divorced woman. I think I can make my own decisions.”

“Make your own decisions, fine, just think about them beforehand.”

“I did.”

“No, you didn’t. You made a decision, but you didn’t think about the what if’s.”

“Oh, what are you going on about now,” she asked, almost uninterested as she head back to grab his empty plate.

“I get that you’re a single woman, Judy. Go out and have fun, you deserve it, but next time you feel the need to jump in the sac, do it with someone you know, or at least know of. I know plenty of guys in our arena that would be perfectly willing to have an encounter with you. And they would respect you afterwards and be discreet about it. They *know* the business.”

“I wanted to get away from that last night. Why do you think we came there in the first place? I wanted to have fun with someone I didn’t know, who didn’t know me, but wanted me anyways. I did think about it.”

Gene banged her utensil drawer closed so hard, it made her flinch.

“You don’t get it,” his voice raised frustrated, “This was a complete stranger. You didn’t know him. Something bad could have happened.”

“For instance,” she said, placing a hand on her hip in annoyance.

“Many reasons. For one, even though it was consensual, he could have ended up getting forceful or, God forbid, raping you. He could have been a woman beater or left you on the side of the road afterwards.”

Her look made him see that she didn’t believe anything he was saying, that nothing like that would have happened to her. She was gullible. He had to get back on her terms to make her understand.

“Alright. Say he was a decent enough man, what if you got pregnant? You were drunk, you could have gotten careless. Or what if he ended up bragging to everyone that Judy Garland was easy? News like that would spread around this town like wildfire and Louella would have a field day. Stuff like that has happened before. You’re not indestructible or invisible in that regard.”

Judy lowered her eyes as she fiddled with her nail, “I guess I didn’t think about it in that way.”

Gene’s temper simmered down as she got it now and he spoke caringly, “That’s why I stopped you, I was looking out for you.”

“Thank you,” was all that she could muster up as she turned the sink faucet on.

“If I did that because I was jealous, don’t you think I would have taken you to bed myself?”

Disappointment and anger flashed in her eyes, “No, I don’t.”

To hide her explanation of what she had replied back, Judy started working on the dishes, even though Rosie, her housekeeper, was due there in a few hours.

Gene stood there, hand on his hip, as he watched her in silence, “I’ll never stop wanting you, Judy.”

Her hands frozen in the soapy water, she looked at him over her shoulder, “What?”

“It’s true.”

Judy turned the water off and dried her hands on the dish towel before facing him, “Why did you just say that to me?”

“Because of what you said last night.”

She nervously cleared her throat, “What did I say?”

“Right before you fell asleep, I don’t think you knew who you were talking to, but you were wondering why I didn’t want you anymore. I do, I’m just trying to get back to some normalcy in my life. I have to give all my energy to my marriage right now, but that doesn’t mean my feelings for you have changed.”

“Haven’t they,” she insisted as if she didn’t believe him.

“For God's sake, falling out of feelings for someone like you doesn't just happen overnight."

“It doesn’t, huh,” she insisted again.

Gene didn’t like her tone of voice and wondered if she had even heard a word he had said. It saddened him that she wasn’t getting through to her. He turned to walk out of the kitchen, and made it to the door when she spoke up.

"Prove it,” her voice sounded persistent but nervous.

"What,” Gene asked, his back still to her as he froze.

"Prove it," Judy repeated. She knew he wouldn’t prove it, now that he had made up his mind on giving all his ‘energy’ to Betsy. Her voice became angry, “Prove it or get the hell out of my house.”

Gene’s exasperation for her, sexually, and in this conversation, was too much to bear. All he could do at that moment was hit his hand on the wall next to the door. Judy waited a long moment for him to either turn around, or walk out, but he didn’t either. He didn’t even speak. Emotionally exhausted, and disheartened, she shook her head and walked his way.

She brushed up against him as she squeezed by to walk out the kitchen door but before she could take even two steps further, Gene’s hand grabbed her wrist holding her back, her arm in a 90 degree angle. Turning her around to face him, he swiftly planted her body up against his and took the two steps himself until her back was to the wall. She gasped and looked up at him with wide eyes.

His lips remained dangerously close to hers as he huskily spoke, “I don’t have to prove anything to you. I want you to feel it instead.”

Gene refrained from kissing her as he waited for some response.

“What are you doing,” she breathed excitedly, as he had been so adamant not to be with her like this anymore.

“Forgetting about normalcy just this one last time.”

Judy opened her mouth to speak but his mouth quickly descended onto hers.

Gene focused on the relieved whimper that escaped her mouth as he kissed her. When his tongue swept against hers for the first time in a very long time, she clung onto him desperately, as if she were afraid he would pull back.

He wasn’t going to, not this time. He wanted to remind her what she still did to him, and what he still wanted to do to her no matter how far apart they had been. And, since she had obviously been looking for a good time in the wrong place, he decided to give her body its craving in the right place.

There, pressed against the wall as they shared the most deepest, sexual kiss he could ever remember having, in the back of Gene’s mind, he knew her satisfaction wouldn’t last, that she’d be out looking for another man sooner or later. He needed a promise from her.

Slowly pulling back from their lip lock, her lower lip snapped back from his mouth, and she let out a breath through her nose biting the bottom of that lip that he had just been sucking on. He forgot why she stopped for a moment as she was so turned on that it made his dick harden.

“Judy.”

“Mmm,” was all she could reply as she felt those erotic butterflies in her tummy spread up to her chest, tingling her nipples.

“Next time you go out, you have to be more careful, and selective. Don’t go searching for an every-day stranger,” Gene placed his pointer finger and thumb on her chin gently lifting her face, “Promise me.”

Judy lifted her eyes to his and looked at them back and forth with sincerity, “I promise.”

Without his eyes leaving hers, his hands slid over her bottom and reached down as they slid down back thighs. They both let out an aroused sound as he picked her up, her legs around his waist, and walked them down the hall.

The rain hitting the window? No. The echo of the radio from the kitchen playing? No. Gene’s mouth between her legs? Oh, yes.

That’s all she heard, even ignoring her own whimpers and cries, as he oh so skillfully made her feel so delicious and orgasmic. She was perched on the large, long, rectangle console table against the curved stairwell wall in the foyer. The table was heavy, or else it would have most-likely broken when he sat her on top of it. They weren’t exactly gentle when removing one another’s clothes against it, either. The decorative books that had been on top were now laying in disarray next to a kneeling Gene, but the vase with a bouquet of mixed flowers, surprisingly, hadn’t been affected.  

As Judy moved her leg up on his shoulder a bit, she felt her jumper dress slide off her ankle, where it had been dangling for a few minutes now. Gene’s right hand acknowledged her leg, and softly caressed her thigh there, not stopping his licks and sucks.

His knees started to feel the effects of the marble floor just then, but Gene didn’t care. The way her body, and her voice, were responding to him made it so fucking worth it. He had wanted to take her upstairs to her bed, but the passion and sexual frustration that had built up from not being together all this time, took its toll on them and they ended up there in the entry-way.

Gene let go of her thigh and reached down to caress himself with just enough pressure to relieve some tension. However, he didn’t realize how sensitive he had become and he groaned against her. It felt so good that he continued to caress his hard on.

He heard Judy giggle through a gasp as he continued to groan against her through his sucks. It was a different sensation for her that just heightened the experience. But he had to stop his wrist or he knew eventually he’d embarrass both of them. He wanted to get her there. When he adjusted himself for a more comfortable angle, he hit a sensitive spot for her. Gene heard another loud cry from her as her hand immediately squeezed his hair keeping his head in place.

Smiling to himself, he started flicking the area underneath her pearl back and forth that made her thighs quiver.

“That feels so good,” Judy breathlessly whimpered. When he stopped flicking that area, and started sucking on it instead, she gasped, “Oh my gosh.”

The place he focused on was so sensitive that it almost was a painful type of pleasure, but her rising orgasm made it feel unstoppable.

Continuing, he felt her body start to tense up and her cries skipped as she reached up behind her. Her knuckles turned white as she squeezed the white bars on the stairs. Hearing her squeak and her body still, Gene let his mouth off her and watched as her entrance contracted in a quick rhythm, getting even wetter. He thought he’d come right then and couldn’t wait to feel it himself.

Standing up, he remained in between her legs, as he gave her a peck on the lips. She immediately smiled and opened her eyes. Staring into his sparkling ones, she giggled amused from how amazing that was. He smiled back and gave her another kiss before lifting her off of the table. He didn’t want to fuck her here. But before he could even suggest moving, she immediately lowered onto her knees.

“Baby…” he protested but her mouth was already on him. He realized she was a giver as much as a taker during sex, and it pleased her as much to so, as much as did him, but he was far too ready.

Luckily, she was privy to his thoughts, and familiar with his body. Judy took it slow and didn’t concentrate on the most sensitive areas, unlike what he had just done, but his goal was different. Judy wanted him to come from being inside of her. When she felt his cock twitch, she stood back up. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she placed one hell of a kiss on him. He held her naked body closer and groaned happily at it.

Gene knew her legs were jelly, and his knees were pretty numb, but he managed to carry them up the stairs. He wanted to fuck her on her bed. Judy deserved that, especially since that other guy would have probably been a two-pump chump in the backseat of his Cadillac with her. Not him, though she didn’t make it any easier as her hips slowly slid up and down his shaft, which was nestled in between their lower belly’s as he walked them into her bedroom.

The rain had stopped, birds were now chirping outside her veranda doors and the sun was beginning to shine, as they made love on top of her luscious bed. The two enjoyed their closeness, as Gene laid fully on top of her, rhythmically moving his hips in and out in a timeless pace as they slowly kissed. But the heat from downstairs was very much present and soon his grinds got quicker, pushing his body against hers harder.

Just as the headboard started making a sound against the wall, so did Judy’s responses as she started moaning again. She was so slick and warm and tight, Gene found it excruciating to hold back. Fortunately, she answered his prayers.

“Fuck me,” she whispered.

They were having sex, but she knew the difference from making love and what she had just pleaded. At least she wasn’t naïve about that.

After giving her a kiss as if to say ‘ok’, he removed himself, which felt like a relief and frustration at the same time. Gene kneeled as she got up and turned around on her knees, holding onto the headboard. Both sated with natural lubrication, it was almost too easy as he slid into her center from behind. It always felt better this way, in a more naughty sensation.  

The sound of dogs barking outside and the ticking of her clock on her nightstand was muted by the pounding of their skin as he fucked her. It wasn’t even a full minute when he felt his balls start to tighten. Groaning and nearly holding his breath to keep himself from letting go, he started to feel her twitch around him and he wanted to cry out with relief that she was close. He was too focused on the sensations right now to pay attention to her moans. By now he was familiar with what each of her sounds meant, which was a good way for him to know which direction to go, but right now he didn’t have that kind of concentration.

Gene didn’t even hear her whimper that she was coming when all of a sudden his cock was being milked hard and fast by her orgasm and another rush of her arousal soaked him. Without warning, he felt his pre-cum and had just enough time to pull out. Moaning loudly over and over, he stroked himself frantically as his orgasm shot out onto her lower back.

The phone ringing woke both of them up. Judy lifted her head from Gene’s chest startled as he reached over sleepily picking up the receiver. He didn’t answer, obviously, he handed it to Judy. She had to get her bearings a moment, as she hadn’t realized she fell asleep, before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hi, sweetheart, it’s Van.”

“Oh, hi.”

“How you feelin’,” he asked amused.

“I’m fine.”

“Swell. Say, is Gene still there?”

Judy furrowed her brows and looked at Gene, “Uh, no, he’s not,” Gene mouthed ‘what’ and she continued, “Why?”

“Because his wife called me for a second time. First time I was able to tell her he was still sleeping but it’s the afternoon now. I told her he left but thought I’d try to see if he was still over there so I could warn him.”

“Oh, golly. No, he’s not here.”

“Alright. Well, I'm glad you feel ok,” Van laughed, “You should have seen you last night. You were…”

Judy hung up the phone annoyed.

“What,” Gene asked, sitting up curious.

“That was Van. He said Betsy has called him twice looking for you. He uh, he just told her you left. He was calling to see if you were still here.”

“I told him to cover my alibi so I could stay with you. I really should get going before someone sees my car out there,” he said and got out of bed.

She nodded and sat up, the sheets around her as she hugged her knees to her chest.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“Oh,” she smiled, “I am now.”

He leaned down, his hands pushing onto the mattress as he came nose to nose with her, “Remember what you promised me.”

“I know,” she said and placed her hand on his cheek as she kissed him, “Thank you.”

“Friends?”

Judy couldn’t hide the quick disappointment in her eyes but she respected him enough to respect his wishes of working on his marriage.

She smiled and nodded, pinching his cheek, “Friends.”

Right before Gene walked out, he looked back at her, “Judy.”

“Mm hm?”

“Maybe I was a little jealous.”

Her smile broke wide and he winked before walking out.

[rusty-tetanus-nail]

[Gunshots] Through Your Heart

a The C*W Sniper x Reader fanfic

The story of how You finding your One True Love finally released the Jackles Tapes™.

Author’s Note: If you actually read this fic, I will judge you.

It's the first non-virtual con since the finale and you've paid half a month’s rent to see the monkeys on stage awkwardly talk their way out of giving the gays what they really want. You've long since lost hope of anyone so much as acknowledging Cas' confession, but as long as Jensen keeps his sexy silence intact you're at peace with that. 

The fandom knows what's up anyway, even if the C*W tries to silence everyone involved with the show. You chuckle, remembering that one time when you opened tumblr and everyone was talking in riddles about [gunshots]. It took you at least an hour to figure out where that particular meme came from, but that's just season 16 for you. The confusion is half the fun. Of course the fandom would come up with the most ridiculous explanations as to why the cast and crew aren't allowed to validate Hellers, instead of just facing the reality that they all don't get it and have wrong opinions about things.

You open yet another nondescript brownish looking door, trying to find your way back to the panel hall. Whoever thought colour coding every single signpost and door instead of just using letters and arrows to point the way deserves to be fired. 

You take a deep breath to calm down and look at your phone.

"Fuck!" You curse out loud. You're so late. The main panel has already started and you're still utterly lost with no one nearby to ask for directions.

...not that you would ask for directions. You shudder. Egh people. 

You hear a faint cheering coming from behind the dark wooden door at the end of the deserted corridor. Bingo!

You run across the hallway, so ready to see the convention madness for yourself and open the door with a grin.

Instantly, the cheering grows louder and then subsides, leaving room for someone to speak. You look around confused. You can hear the panel just fine, but you’re not in the main hall.

Cautiously, you take a step forward. No that's not quite right. You are in the right room, but in the wrong place. Instead of being on the ground floor looking up at the actors on the stage, you’re on a balcony of sorts, hidden away near the ceiling. From here you can see everything. The whole crowd of fans, the stage. It's not the first row seat that you paid the other half of this month’s rent for, but it’s a nice view nevertheless and feels far less claustrophobic than downstairs with all the people around you doing their best to give you a headache. Maybe you'll just stay here and enjoy the rest of the show. No point in missing more of it than you already have.

You lean against the railing and watch as a staff member gives the microphone to a nervous looking fan. You cross your fingers, silently cheering them on, hoping they'll get through this in one piece.

The fan starts to talk and from the corner of your eyes you see something move. Startled, you stumble forward over the railing and for a moment you're certain that this is how you die.

A hand grips you tight by your several layers of flannel and pulls you back onto the floor of the balcony saving you from certain death.

You look up in a daze and see the silhouette of your saviour illuminated by the ceiling lights standing over you holding a sniper rifle. Somewhere in the distance you hear the fan continue their question ignorant of your almost death.

Your saviour moves with practiced ease back to the railing and aims their weapon at the people below. 

Shit. This can’t be happening. You try to get up and stop them from whatever they're about to do, but when you reach the figure and grab their wrist it's already too late.

"So about the Cartwright Twi-" [gunshots]

The fan falls to their knees and is carried off as someone on stage lets out an uncomfortable laugh and makes a joke about fainting. You watch the proceedings in shock, still gripping the sniper's wrist.

"What did you do?" You bite out, more harshly than you intended. In the back of your mind you know you should probably run away instead of arguing with the assassin, but there’s just something about them that makes you feel safe and unthreatened.

"My job." A gruff voice replies and as they turn you finally catch a first proper glimpse at the sniper's face. You let go of them almost immediately.

Oh no. They're hot.

The sniper pulls their wrist close to their chest and strokes the parts of their skin that your hand previously occupied. And odd knot forms in your stomach. You take a step closer and they shift away unused to the presence of another person.

You try to reach out again, but think better of it. You don’t want to scare the beautiful person in front of you. Your hand falls down limply to your side and the sniper follows your movements with their eyes still refusing to look directly at you.

You open your mouth to ask who they are, but you get interrupted when Jensen starts speaking. Instantaneously the sniper is all business again, aims their rifle and-

“Actually I think Dean is b-” [gunshots]

Jensen bends over and starts coughing violently, his sentence hanging forever unsaid in the room.

The sniper lowers their gun and looks emotionlessly at the scene they just caused.

“You’re-” You start, but the sniper holds up their hand to stop you.

“Don’t. Just go and pretend you never saw anything or I’ll shoot you as well.”

You shake your head.

“No. I don’t think you will.” Taking a chance you close the distance between the both of you and take the sniper’s free hand, intertwining your fingers with theirs. Their breath hitches as you touch them and they lower their eyes, but don’t move away. You take it as a good sign.

“You’re the C*W Sniper, aren’t you?” You whisper astonished. “I can’t believe you’re real.”

A fan with a faintly Spanish sounding accent is given the microphone. With their free hand the sniper reaches down and pulls out a gun from their thigh holster and- [gunshots]

What was once an almost unnoticeable accent is now unrecognizable word salad. Everyone laughs and writes the incident off as the fan simply being nervous. You frown.

“This isn’t right.”

“They’ll be able to speak again in a couple of minutes.”

You tighten your fingers around the snipers hand and try to unsuccessfully catch their eyes.

“Still doesn’t make it right. You didn’t even know if they’d mention anything about-”

The sniper aims their gun at you.

“I have my orders.”

Your eyes finally meet for the first time and the previous argument is forgotten as the world around you bursts into vibrant colours. 

“What the f-”

This isn’t possible. You’ve always been severely colour blind. People don’t just randomly heal from that. You shouldn’t be seeing any of this.

The sniper's cold eyes grow warm and mirror your own in wonderment. They look around before settling their eyes back on you and a soft “oh” escapes their lips.

“You’re my soulmate.” Their rough voice takes on a heart wrenching tone and you shake your head disbelievingly.

“No. Soulmates aren’t real. They were made up for fanfics.”

“That’s what the CW wants you to think.” The sniper says with a sad smile and breaks eye contact again. “The CW’s reach and power is far greater than anything you could possibly imagine.”

You cup the sniper’s face with your free hand and softly stroke their cheek with your thumb, almost entranced at the new connection you made with the not quite stranger in front of you. The sniper closes their eyes and leans into your touch. Your heart starts pounding and you wish for the moment to never end.

“You should leave.”

“Not without you.” You reply not missing a beat, trying not to get distracted by the sniper’s full lips and delicate features contrasting their hard battleworn exterior.

“I’m not safe to be around. I’ve hurt people.” The sniper turns around and lets go of your hand, but you hold on tight, too scared they’ll disappear as suddenly as they entered your life. Clutching their hand tightly, you pull them close and swirl them around forcing them to face you.

“I don’t care.” You say resolutely. “Whatever hold the C*W has on you, we’ll figure it out. Together.”

The sniper shakes their head and looks frantically over to the stage where Jensen is about to give his phone to a staff member.

“I- I can’t. I have to- I have nothing else but this.” They aim their gun at the stage, but you gently push their raised arm down. Your sniper doesn’t resist, but their hands are trembling. They’re scared, you realise. They’re scared and they need you.

“You have me. Please, I promise. Everything will be alright. Let me take care of you.”

The gun falls to the ground and the sniper lets themself be enveloped into your embrace. You hold them tightly as they fall apart in your arms and wait patiently until they stop shaking all the while whispering sweet reassurances into their ear.

“It won’t be easy.” They mumble against your shoulder and straighten up to look into your eyes. “The C*W will want to eliminate us. I’m not their only assassin.”

“Let them come. We’ll make them regret ever messing with us.” You say with a wicked grin and your sniper grins back with tears in their eyes.

You throw your arms over your snipers shoulders and lean your forehead against theirs.

“I’d really like to kiss you now.”

“Yes please.” The sniper says, almost breathlessly and you capture your soulmate’s lips for the first time. 

Fireworks explode in your soul and the crowd cheers as the Jackles Tapes are finally released and played on the big screen behind Jensen and Misha, who take the opportunity to ask every minor to leave the room as they’re about to reenact the secret good ending of Supernatural.

[purplesurveys]

775

Do you always carry breath mints? No, I don’t find it essential considering I only get (or got, by now) a certain allowance per week and my budget is usually just right to fit in food, gas, other necessities, and maybe one or two nights of eating out. JM always brought a pack of those every day though and if I felt like I needed one, it was easy to ask him for one. On a side note, it’s so weird having to type these out in the past tense now that that part of my life is virtually over... What is the point of scented pens/pencils/erasers? I don’t think they have one. They’re just fun to have around if they’re new to you and you have a bit of extra money to buy them. Do you buy/wear band-aids with cartoon characters on them? No but we do have packs that come in different colors, which is entertaining enough for me. Are you amused by celebrity fashion flubs? Egh, not as much these days but it’ll sometimes be fun to look at what people are wearing at major events like the Oscars and Met Gala to see who hit the mark and who didn’t. What do you think your reaction would be upon entering the White House? Political feelings aside, I think I’d be as excited going there as I would be going to other tourist destinations. Bonus points if they’ve got a museum inside.

Do you buy and wear crazy looking socks? I wouldn’t call them crazy-looking, but I do like socks with wackier designs like if they’re sushi-themed or burger-themed haha. Would you run down the street wearing a tutu, fishnets, & flippers? That literally just sounds like a task that other college orgs make their applicants do as part of their application process. I’d do it if it was a dare or if something’s in it for me, but I wouldn’t on my own. Have you ever grown your own sea monkeys or dinosaurs? I don’t know what you mean. Would you want to travel into deep space? You kidding? I’ve wanted to go to space since I first read about people going to the Moon. I’d for sure do it if it was offered to me. Have you ever thrown a game controller (or the game) and broke it? Nah but pretty similar; I’ve often smacked my laptops when something goes wrong, like if the internet isn’t fast enough or if it hangs.

Did you ever own an Etch-a-Sketch? No. I think my mom did though. Do/did you ever have glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling? Nope, but my dad’s family in Tondo had these, in my cousins’ room. When we went over to visit we’d typically spend the night, so every time it was lights out the stars were my favorite thing to see cause they felt pretty magical to me. Does your house have an attic that had stuff in it when you moved in? No. We don’t have an attic but our third floor is our rooftop. What movie were you really worked up for that ended up disappointing you? Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. And this is gonna get so much flak, but The Shawshank Redemption. Does/did your school have special dress-up days? No for both schools I’ve been in. I do appreciate the fact that my current school has no dress code though. What cartoons did you watch when you were little? A lot, since kids are supposed to watch cartoons anyway lol. My favorite ones were Spongebob, Fairly OddParents, Mr. Bean, The Wild Thornberrys, Jimmy Neutron, House of Mouse, and The Emperor’s New School. Do you eat peanut shells along with the peanuts? I don’t. Have you ever gone white-water rafting? Nope. What part of a paper is hardest for you to write? Introduction. It sets the tone for your entire paper so if it isn’t good or appealing enough, it’s hard to follow through and come up with an excellent piece overall. Does your grandma wear an apron when she cooks? I never saw her wearing one, no. This is your chance to get it out! Place random rant here: Get me the fuck out of this house. How often do you need "me" time? These days I’ve had so much of it I wouldn’t even want it anymore for a while after this lol. Normally though, it’s important for me to have this at the end of the day. I’m always with a bunch of people and friends everyday in school and recharging by being alone is vital to me. Does it bother you that almost everything is done on computers now? Sometimes it can feel impersonal, like if you get invited to a debut or wedding through Facebook. But most of the time I find it convenient because everything is instant now. Have you ever gotten stuck in a revolving door? I don’t think so. There was a time I had fun going around a revolving door at the City of Dreams entrance for a few turns because I hadn’t seen one in a while hahahaha but I didn’t get stuck. Who is your favorite superhero? Not big on that whole genre. I guess I like Wonder Woman. KFC Chicken: original or extra crispy? Original please. What class in school do/did you secretly love? Idk, if I like a class I’d be vocal about it lol. What animal do you most resemble while eating? A human? Pop-Tarts vs. Toaster Strudels. Discuss: I’ve never had the second one and I really like Pop-Tarts, so the verdict here is prrrrretty obvious. Do you believe there are subliminal messages in songs? Like...Illuminati-wise? Lmao not at all, but people sure were busy trying to prove this about Beyonce and Lady Gaga back in 2009. I do think other intentional forms of subliminal messages exist, like how Hayley was actually singing the word ‘mercy’ when she sang the chorus to Simmer. Think about your first kiss. Did you have any idea what you were doing? No, she had to teach me how to move my lips and to not be scared and just go with the dance, because I was very nervous. Would you play Jumanji, if given the chance? I’ve never seen the movie, both original and remake.

Name a song lyric you heard wrong the first time and what it really said: I can’t recall an instance at the moment. Do you text/call while going to the bathroom? (Go multitasking!) I’ll bring my phone so I can scroll through Reddit or play games. Do you always make sure your cell phone is charged before going somewhere? Most of the time. I’ll still forget sometimes, though. Did you get Happy Meals just for the toys as a kid? No. They weren’t my kind of toys so I didn’t really ask my parents for Happy Meals. I asked for other toys I knew I’d have more use out of instead.   Have you ever seen your parents cry? If so, how did it make you feel? My mom. She was crying because my sister did a very kiddie mistake, and I was mostly indifferent because at that point our relationship was severed, and also why the fuck would you cry over a little booboo your 8 year old daughter did? She was being dramatic that day and I had no fucking time nor pity for it. What are your thoughts on Chuck Norris? I mostly know him as a 9GAG meme but other than that I know nothing of him. Did you answer that last question with a random Chuck Norris fact? No.

What is the most annoying sound in the world? Boomers complaining and getting their uninformed opinion out in the open. Do you honestly care about calories and fat content? No. How do you feel about animal testing? Fuck outta here. Do you often shift blame towards others? No. This is what my mom did and continues to do, and like I’ve said before I’ve made it my life’s mission to not do the things she did. Do you ever feel like you're smarter than your boss? I don’t have a boss. But I definitely didn’t doubt my internship boss, she was obviously very wise and had gone through a lot to get to where she is today. Your very first best friend: Is he/she STILL your best friend? No. Do you add condiments to your ice cream, or just eat it plain? Nah dude what the hell? Have you ever witnessed a crime? I saw a car very nearly run over a group of pedestrians walking on the pedestrian lane, but the driver was able to hit the brakes before they hit them hard. What's the coolest personalized license plate you've ever seen? Not a lot of cool plates here considering we’re only allowed a maximum of three letters and three numbers. If a plate is personalized it’s usually the driver’s initials and birthday, and that is hardly interesting lol. Did you ever have a piggybank that literally ate your money? No.

[lettersfromleslie]

mournin me corners / bats & ghats / & yes, the existence of mysteries!

Righto, long time no pitter patter. Howya been?!

Once again there’s been too much in between to cover in a post and I’m sorta scratching my head wondering where to start. I just got back from a monthlong trip with Ariel and I meant to just go into that, but I guess we’re gonna have to start earlier. Last left off in August, for God’s sake… Right, and so when we got back to New York there was a period with a lot of hard work and administration and very little on the creative side. A move, too - moved apartments in September, that was a whole thing. And all the kickstarters and print proofs and mastering studios and venue haggling and spotify metrics and budget goals and facebook promotion and opening acts and venue shares and profit margins - and a whole lot of fuckin busking - yeah, and by the end of all that I felt a lot more like a salesman than a musician, I reckon. What a busy boy! Could’ve sworn I went into all this before, though.

Wait, I see - okay, so I DID write ye before I left - in fact all this time I had a nice grim post drafted and ready to go. Seems I just never got around to hitting “post”. I must’ve been busy. Anyway, look, it was all this sorta thing:

“I’ll say this: I’m sick of the grind. Writing songs, singing them - I like that. Everything else, it makes me want to flip the board. It seems I have explored every angle of the corner I’m in. It’s not a bad corner; it’s comfortable, I’m well-fed. But it’s a corner, by god, and knowing the confines of your existence is one of the most deadening things there is to know. Being familiar with the shape of the hours you have to spend. Is this what all you workin’ joes out there feel like day to day? My friends tend to make fun of me for these complaints. “Almost like having a real job, huh?” they smirk. Well, I’m not numb to it yet, so I’m running off into the jungle a while. All this time since releasing the new album I’ve been doing what you’re supposed to do as an independent musician, but it’s not what I’m supposed to do, and when you’re untrue to yourself, when you do things you don’t want to, you add to a deficit - and as that deficit grows you become more unlike yourself. And you catch yourself doing things with bad flavours - things that are harsh, rigid, proud, hurtful. This damn corner. What a sad and familiar corner. I know every nook and cranny and no mysteries. Enough. I need those mysteries. I need ghosts, I need bats in the brain. I can’t breathe without a feeling that something unasked for might happen at any moment… Okay, so find a place to be. There’ll have to be a great escape at some point, but for now we’re putting it off with a small escape. To the jungle! Take the money and run!”

Whew, poor fella. Glad I’m not me. Anyway, the verdict’s still out on whether or not it worked, but I feel a bit better, and a lot poorer, so hey, on to the next thing. And I reckon now’s as good a time as any to figure that out. Got the tail end of the winter to ride out, the sparkle of the new album’s starting to fade (though I still have plenty o records left to peddle), and all the other loose ends seem about to get tied up (notably the ill-fated Jackson Bollocks, which ended in tears after two years of preparation and only one concert). Aside from some goofy songs about sad animals I haven’t written a damn thing since god knows when and it’s high time I got back on the horse. As to ideas, I dunno. I think I’ll just turn the tap open and see what gurgles out. One idea I have been flirting with, though, is a small European tour this fall, and I’ll have to be getting on that now. You’ll always hear it here first, folks. I like you long form types. Thoughtful lot, you all are. Time on your hands. Not scrollin too hard.

The trip, the trip… Egh. Maybe I just won’t go into it. Nothing more boring than hearing about the holidays of others. Bit like how hearing other people’s dreams tends to be more boring than you’d expect. Gotta be a real doozy of a dream to hold the attention, even when it comes from someone you’re dying to understand. I reckon it’s because dreams and holidays have that parenthetical quality, existing outside of the main plots of our lives. Besides, it was all me and me lady love, and you know how yucky couples get when you leave em alone too long. Oh - that’s not true, we actually linked up with the famous William Seymour-Jones in Hanoi for a while. Hadn’t seen him in years. Still his same self, maybe even more so. Don’t wanna jinx it or anything but I worked on him a while to come to New York and I think he might even try and do it. I owe a lot to that guy.

Certain places do change ya. Varanasi was one of them. Didn’t spend enough time in India to get more than a taste, really, but there were moments of real awe. It’s such a gift to feel awe again after a long jaded spell. New ways of dealing with the dead. The sensation of a place testing you and unfolding slowly, not giving everything away, more personal than expected, being recognised by strangers, being discussed and folded in.

Anyway, the holidays of others, what? I’ll try and put it into the songs. The nifty thing about a song is if you write it right you can make it so everyone who hears it goes somewhere different. Got some notes from when I was all zonked on bhang lassi ramblin the ghats: “good song shouldnt tell clear story but give access to mysteries”

I like that! I like mysteries!

[deeeelightfuldee]

ok last one for tonight

1. Think of how you used to be 3 years ago: how do you feel about who you were back then? ok so that would be 2018. man I was doing the dang thang. I was in a school i hated but had a full ride scholarship for. I had amazing relationships. I was happy. I wore my hair curly ALL the time and looked so confident. 

2. What’s the strangest fortune you’ve ever gotten from a fortune cookie? who the heck knows.

3. Do people ever force you to eat? idk how one is forced to eat as an adult

4. When’s the last time you made a decision you knew you were going to regret later? bringing the wet sweatshirts up to my room

5. Is there a TV show you’ve wanted to start watching but never gotten around to? oh plenty

6. When’s the last time you felt pressured to do something you didn’t really want to do? today.

7. If someone left you with a 12 month old baby for a day, could you confidently watch them by yourself? absolutely --- as long as I knew like do they have allergies, specific needs, etc. 

8. Have you ever worn something out in public that made other people stare at you? probably.

9. Do you ever notice the size of other people’s pupils? seldom

10. Have you ever exercised to the point of passing out, or nearly passing out? like 2x when I was in hs.

11. Do you ever make an effort to look stylish or fashionable? Or do you not care about that? not really anymore.

12. What’s the last thing you refused to do? talk about specific subjects

13. Who was the last person to mess with your feelings? k

14. When was the last time you were in denial about something? What about? i’m in pretty hardcore denial about K. i want him to show up for this relationship and fight but he just isn’t the guy i thought i knew I guess.

15. Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? If not, would you ever try wearing them? like 4x. i like my own lashes better

16. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? craftsman

17. What was the last thing you gave up on? trying to make someone see that i’m worth keeping

18. How easy is it for you to talk to someone else about your feelings? I don’t usually ever talk about my feelings unless someone takes the time to ask and listen. but most of the people around me love to talk about theirs and then don’t ask about me in return.

19. When’s the last time you made the best of a bad situation? literally every day in a pandemic

20. If you had to choose between using a treadmill, an elliptical, or a stationary bike, which would you pick? egh. elliptical

21. If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? ron or leslie

22. Do you like watching documentaries? yea sure

23. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? drawers

24. Do you care if your socks don’t match? I mean. this is hard to explain. like if they are the same brand just different colors, idc. but often times they feel different and that drives me bonkers. all my socks are partnered with their match rn

25. When’s the last time you had a problem that nobody could help you with? i have a couple.

[ganymedesclock]

[submitted by @bozeia ]

Hey! First off I wanted to say that your analysis and meta posts are both very interesting and very illuminating. Which is to say they’re awesome! I’ve been trying to dabble in writing some fic on my own time and I’d been looking for decent, thorough, ACCURATE character meta posts for Lance in particular for awhile. Yours so far was the one (and a half) that I’ve found that really hit the nail on the head for me and it’s actually helped me figure out how to better write him emotionally. Thank you so much for that!

Second, I super dig all the meta. I’m hugely interested in contrasting themes and duality and I was super into how you described the Blue and Yellow Lions as being Voltron’s motion and stability, respectively. But, I didn’t see something equivalent explicitly describing what what the opposing/similar roles of the two arms are (though it’s possible I missed it I’ve been rather harried this week). I wanted to know if you had more thoughts on the subject.

On a related note, there was some subtext for common ground between Lance and Pidge that was sussed out that I also thought was interesting. You described Pidge as being adaptable, in that she can branch out into new territory and remake herself to fit the situation in a pinch. I think that’s 100% accurate to her and her element. I’ve seen people claim that the unknown virtues of the Blue Lion was adaptability before, and in a sense I also don’t think that’s entirely wrong; based on what you said, a better word for it as it encompasses Lance would probably be “flexible”.

So in theory, Pidge and Lance both share two different facets of the same trait (Pidge is adaptable and uses it defensively while Lance is flexible and uses it offensively?). Being that they’re differing limbs on opposing sides, you’d think they’d have the least in common of the paladins but I don’t think that’s quite the case. There’s possibly a diametric kind of theme to them revolving around how they operate. I was wondering if there was a similar parallel that could be made between Keith and Hunk and I wanted to know if you had any thoughts on that, too.

Sorry if it seems like a lot of nonsense but – I just really love duality themes and I feel like there’s more here. And you had a lot of interesting things to say about it already. ^^;;

So you’re suggesting that basically, besides the already established horizontal (arms vs. legs) and vertical (left vs. right) duality, there’s another duality that’s cross-body (left arm to right leg, right arm to left leg)?

Because that’s honestly a very interesting idea. As you say, there’s a bit of similarity in Lance and Pidge, but also some distinctions.

I’d agree with what you say about flexibility vs. adaptability. Because Pidge has this thing of changing character- reinventing herself, even at the cost of sacrificing things that she really values. 

We’re shown that cutting her hair was a sacrifice, though I don’t think at this point we have the context to understand exactly what she was giving up or setting aside for her mission. I personally like the theory of trans girl Pidge, because I feel like that explains it nicely- Pidge is setting aside the, potentially hard fought presentation she prefers and is most comfortable with to find her family. It also explains how her telling the team that she’s a girl comes after she’s decided to think of them as family, too.

(also it just makes… Allura’s whole approach to the situation infinitely more comfortable to me, because it suggests that 1. it’s likely the mice know because Pidge talked to them the way she tends to talk to a lot of things that she doesn’t think can necessarily understand her, like Rover or the space caterpillars, and 2. it frames Allura as trying to respect Pidge but also encourage her that she can trust Allura with the pronouns she’s more comfortable with, that she may have already mentioned to the mice.

If Pidge is dfab and the mice knew her “secret” by looking at her body, not only is that a rather uncomfortable invasion of privacy in and of itself, but Allura’s pushiness gets real, egh, because as a dfab demiboy I know I would really not appreciate someone trying to encourage me into telling them that I’m a girl, because I’m not.)

But that all aside- adaptability is Pidge’s thing. She changes in order to proceed in her given environment.

Conversely, Lance is much more flexible, in the sense of… Lance never really leaves his core. We don’t see him really reimagine his behavior or appearance and there isn’t much to suggest he reinvents himself. He has an American accent but that doesn’t suggest he consciously got rid of a different Cuban accent- there’s lots of ways that could’ve happened, and Lance otherwise is completely comfortable making it clear where he’s from.

So this would suggest the idea there’s some thread of commonality between Keith and Hunk.

...Possibly, opposing Lance and Pidge’s shared category- Keith and Hunk are both people who are very confident and do great in their favored environment, but, outside of that- struggle a lot- Hunk is anxious and hesitant unless he’s in an area of personal mastery in which case he’s unstoppable, Keith is a real hotshot right up until he’s in say, a social get-together and “I. don’t. usually hug strangers...”

And it makes sense elementally, albeit in different ways. Hunk’s earth element makes sense that he, well, needs a foundation to operate comfortably. With Keith, it’s more a matter of, well, fire actually has a lot of needs- oxygen, fuel, and heat, in the right balance, or it’s very easily snuffed out.

It’d also fit because it’s another axis where Shiro fits smoothly in the middle- usually, Shiro is pretty flexible and versatile, as evidenced by his fighting style, but, there’s certain situations where he is intensely vulnerable to things throwing him off his groove (see: Beta Traz)

[sour--strawberries]

Double Trouble Reunion, part 5

fandom: Stony (Steve x Tony), Avengers,

universe: Double Trouble universe (Steve and Tony, T2 and S2)

summary: While it seems that everything is going perfect, the truth about each other has to be revealed and change everything

length: 7 762 words

a/n: I am pulling a risky move here, and I hope you won’t kill me, hah! remember that likes and feedback make me happy, and I am very curious what you think about this chapter!

——————–

Double Trouble Reunion, part 5

It was funny, how easily a person could adjust to a new situation. From a couple, they became a threesome. From a threesome, a foursome. It was a good, satisfying experience, as they all experienced new boundaries, discovered things they never thought about before and enjoyed a whole lot of exciting opportunities.

There were definitely more advantages than drawbacks, and that was why, Tony often wondered why he had problems when T2 had fell out of the portal for the first time, many months ago. Back then, there were many feelings battling in him, many he couldn't name anymore, or just didn't want to admit to having them, and it all didn't seem to matter in the new situation. He never in his life expected to have three people loving him in a way Steves and T2 did. It was something great, something that made him indescribably happy.

That was why he became so indescribably sad, when he woke up in an empty bed.

There was no snoring, no kicking, it seemed that even the warmth on the covers was gone a long time ago. Tony creased his forehead, sun shining into the bedroom and his face, and instead of filling him with warmth, it left him empty. He was left behind. Maybe he should have expected that. After all, Steves had T2, who was bubblier, slimmer, more responsive---

"Hi, Tony."

Tony's shoulders jumped without his consent. In the doorway to the bathroom, was one of the Steves, a towel wrapped around his hips and hair damp from the morning shower. He was looking at his lover with a slightly tilted head, not understanding the unusual morning nervousness.

Trying to control his eyes back to normal size, Tony didn't break eye contact with the soldier. Of course, his always self-loathing brain had to supply him with this grim scenario. The initial love he felt while half asleep, turned into sadness, to turn again into love when Tony understood that he wasn't alone. After a childhood with always absent parents, teenage years away from family home, and adolescent in a cold, ruthless business world, this was the best time he could ever have. He won't ever be alone again.

"Hi," Tony breathed out, his body relaxing and sinking back into the covers, that felt warm and inviting again.

Steve narrowed his eyes, not knowing what was going in his boyfriend's head and meaning to ask, but in the current moment, he had a question that was burning a hole in his mind. "Hey, which one am I?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, just the playful smile gave him away.

Slowly, Tony's lips mirrored the smile. He should have expected this question. The answer was clear and simple, but he enjoyed the prolonged pause, just to watch Steve trying to not fidget in anticipation. For dramatic effect, Tony slowly slid his gaze up and down soldier's body, as if looking for some subtle difference, a small detail, both Tonys didn't feel like sharing and giving their way of telling the soldier's apart. When their eyes met again, he said his answer.

"Mine," Tony smiled, eyes shining bright with love and happiness.

Steve huffed a puff of air, not deciding yet if it was a relief that Tonys could tell them apart so easily or annoyance. "Correct," he admitted, smiling in the end. "Will you finally tell me how you do it?" he asked, going back to bed and gently laying on top of his boyfriend, mindful not to crush him.

"Nah," Tony grinned, reaching his hands up to play with the short hair on his soldier's nape, combing his fingers back and forth through it. "Where would be the fun in it?"

"You want fun?" Steve asked, raising one eyebrow up. Suddenly, Tony wheezed, feeling soldier's solid weight pinning him down and pushing into the soft mattress.

"STEVE!" Tony laughed, getting a little out of breath. He got even more out of breath when Steve's strong fingers found their way under the covers and straight to brunet's bare sides. "NO! AAHAHAA!!"

Steve laughed together with Tony, his laughter just too cute and contagious not too. He kept the attack short and sweet, just to give his boyfriend a taste of what would happen through the whole day. "Muah!" Steve smacked his lips on Tony's button nose, fingers changing the wiggling motion into a soothing tracing of fingertips.

"Fuhahahahack," Tony giggled out, tilting his head back, shivering under the touch. "Thihihihis is wohohohorsee…" he complained but did absolutely nothing to stop the soldier. Just stayed under Steve, happily giggling his worries away.

They both loved mornings like that. Just the two of them, having some time for each other and being in love, not having to rush anywhere. Somewhere in between the laughter, Steve started peppering kisses onto Tony's face, until kissing became the main part, and hands were left under the covers solely for support and contact.

Tony sighed, blinking happily, when the kisses ended, leaving him content and satisfied. Such mornings worked better for him than coffee and donuts. Yet, they both waited for two other people in the house to barge in and demand their own portion of affection, but the moment didn't come. Tony decided to speed up the process.

"Did you see our clones?"

Steve snorted out a laugh. That was a new way to call the other dimension couple. "Don't call them like that," he mildly scolded and Tony blinked innocently, "no, I didn't. When I woke up, they weren't in bed. I thought that maybe they went for early breakfast, but kitchen is empty too. And… And I am fairly sure, they aren't anywhere … above ground level," Steve ended clumsily, not finding the right words.

"Oh," Tony raised eyebrows up, exactly knowing what the soldier meant. Their love room. It was surprising that S2 and T2 decided to use the room and its gadgets without them, yet, they couldn't blame them. That room did certain things to the less experienced couple. "Hmmmm, well, good for them," Tony smiled, not feeling jealous at all. "Want to see what they are doing?" he asked, waggling eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

Steve's eyes said 'yes', but his moral spine, made him say something different. "I don't know, Tony, we should leave them alone…"

"We would ask for permission," Tony reasoned. Even if it sounded like a better idea, Steve couldn't picture them both walking into the love room, disrupting whatever was going on and asking if they can stay and watch. That was a sure mood killer.

"Don't know, babe…"

"We don't have to leave the bed."

Oh, that was interesting.

"What?" Steve asked, looking surprised. Tony smiled, happy with throwing Steve off track. He encouragingly patted the empty space next to him, and blond rolled down, laying on his back next to his lover.

"It was the last thing we installed and we didn't test it, so there might be some static noise at the beginning," Tony said, reaching for the remote hidden in the nightstand drawer. He pressed something and with a jaw dropped down Steve watched two pieces of colorful, modern art slide apart and reveal a TV screen hidden underneath on the wall in front of the bed.

"I didn't know we had a TV here!" soldier shouted in awe, and Tony just giggled, jumping through the channels. "Wait!" Steve called, remembering something, "back in New York, do we also have a TV in our bedroom?" he asked in suspicion. He had remembered the day they remodeled Tony's floor, currently their shared floor, and Steve was firm on not having a TV in the bedroom. Yet, he distinctively remembered the colorful painting on the wall…

"Perhaps," Tony giggled more, squeaking and almost dropping the remote when he received a punishing poke on the side. The poking would continue, but then Tony found the channel. "There it is!"

Steve lowered his hand down and looked at the TV. The screen was black, and in the middle was a rectangle, waiting for a password to be entered.

Tony clicked a combination on the remote, consisting of six number. "The date we had sex for the first time," he said, enjoying the way Steve's face exploded with red. "Ironically, it is also the same date for T2 and S2." That made Steve blush even more. "Egh, give me a minute," Tony frowned, quickly going through the settings and trying to sharpen the blurry image. After a while, Steve saw the screen divided into eight parts, each little screen showing a different part of the love room. There was the big bed, the x frame they used yesterday and there they were. T2 and S2. Tony enlarged the image with the other couple on and the image took the whole screen. It wasn't the best quality and sometimes the movements were slowed down in time, but it was enough to recognize what was happening.

"Hm. We will work on quality later on," Tony said, as if not noticing what was happening on the screen, yet Steve was completely mesmerized and not able to utter a word.

On a background of a leather padded wall, was T2. His arms were spread to the sides and fixed to the wall by leather straps on the hip level. The straps resembled a tunnel and stretched from the wrists to the elbows. It was the only piece of bondage keeping him in place, and comparing to yesterday bondage it was more playful than anything. He had a lot of space to wriggle around and the straps served the sole purpose of not letting him shield his stomach.

"This specific wall is made entirely of metal. We put a thin layer of isolating foam against it, to keep the cold out, and then draped leather over it. Well, an imitation of leather, it is just a fancy material, because leather would stick to the skin," Tony explained, clearly proud of how well the room was designed. "Oh, and all pieces of restraints are magnetic. I think you know what it means," Tony smirked to himself.

Steve swallowed and nodded, feeling some drops of sweat forming on his forehead. He half listened to Tony's explanations, too invested in the scene, which the other didn't seem to acknowledge.

As it was said earlier, T2 was pinned to the wall. He was laughing and jumping, stomach twitching under the soft touches delivered by mischievously smiling S2. The image wasn't sharp enough for Steve to figure out what kind of tools had been used earlier and put aside on the cart, but he saw the current tool, which was a fuzzy, white puff on a wooden handle. The puff was small, used to tease and trace T2's tummy, causing him to giggle hysterically. Granted, there was no sound, but by the way, T2 kept throwing his whole body against the wall and scrunching his nose, Steve knew that it was giggling rather than full blown laughter. The small size of the puff was explained, when S2 made smaller and smaller circles on T2's tummy, gently pushing the white fuzzy ball into the belly button. It fitted snuggly in and when he turned the handle, T2 threw his head back once again and slammed his butt into the wall, laughing and laughing.

Steve felt very, very hot.

"It is an ear pick," Tony said, and Steve's absent expression made the brunet laugh. "The white puff. The other end is like a little spoon shape, they use ear picks in Asia to clean the ear canal. It is not really popular in western culture, but me and T2 thought it might be interesting for us."

Just as if hearing them, S2 turned the handle and poked the sensitive skin inside the T2's belly button. Poking turned into moving the handle back and forth and T2 soon became pink in the face, laughing and laughing, his whole body shaking in an attempt to get away. Leave it to Tonys' curiosity to find new tools and Steves' creativity to use them, and you had a deadly mix.

"Gives you ideas, huh?" Tony asked in a hushed, pleasant voice, moving closer to his soldier and cuddling to his side.

Steve gulped. Of course, it was amazing to watch and a whole new experience. "It is almost like watching porn," he blurted out, not thinking it through.

Fortunately, instead of being offended, Tony let out a pearly laugh. "Have you ever watched porn?" he asked curiously, not imaging his soldier during such activity.

"Sometimes. When you are away and I feel lonely," Steve continued to blurt out, the scene turning his brain off. Only when he felt Tony's piercing gaze, he realized what he said and quickly corrected himself. "I was joking!" he turned to Tony, panic showing on his face.

Tony only smirked. But Steve was right, it was like watching a channel for adults, and they were the main stars.

"Do --- Do they know we are observing them?" Steve asked, his morality speaking again. As amazing it was, Steve would get upset if he found out that someone was observing him and Tony during their intimate moments, and felt that the other couple may take it the same way.

"I will let them know," Tony said, pressing something on the remote again. There was no reaction and Tony pressed the switch three more times, until T2 screamed out a clear 'STOP!', ceasing his and S2's play. Tony and Steve watched the exchange between them, T2 explaining something in gasps, and S2's eyes widening, and then his face becoming red, just like Steve's a moment ago. He looked around the room, until spotting the hidden camera, and pointing his finger at it, looking back at T2 and receiving a confirming nod. They talked some more, and then S2 turned back to the camera and showed a thumbs up, giving them permission to watch. After that, he turned back to his lover and they talked for a bit until S2's hands found again the ticklish tummy and teasingly started to poke, before delivering another tickle attack.

"Feeling calmer now?" Tony asked, cuddling to his soldier.

Steve nodded, swallowing again. He watched S2 fingers dancing against the soft tummy, and felt his own fingers tingling, wishing to do the same.

"If you want, I can zoom the image," Tony offered sweetly, whispering against Steve's neck when the interesting part started and S2 used his pinky to tickle the sweet innie in soft movement.

Steve had a better idea. He wrapped a hand around his lover and used it to balance himself better as he rolled back on Tony, smiling playfully.

"Not a fan of just watching, I see," Tony giggled, letting Steve slide down him until he settled on brunet's lower half and moved the covers out of the way, having free access to his own, personal ticklish belly to play with.

"Hmmm, watching is good too, but I have the real thing here," soldier murmured, pressing a loving kiss above the outie he adored so much. Tony bit his lip, giggling quietly at the tender tickle. He wrapped his hand in Steve's hair and affectionately scrubbed the scalp.

"Fine, I will watch alone," Tony decided, eyes going back to the screen, where S2 was currently using two feathers to tease T2's belly, deciding to give the other couple a real show.

Steve hummed his agreement, pressing his cheek to the warm belly and brushing it over the smooth skin. He did some small circles with his nose, always in love with the way Tony's stomach sunk down after every touch, and his body shook with quiet laughter.

"You know, babe…" Steve started conversationally, using the pad of his pointer finger to draw slow, lazy circles on the belly, "I noticed something recently."

"Ye-heheheh?"

"You constantly tease T2 that he is more ticklish than you. But I don't entirely agree with this. I think you are the one who is more ticklish."

Tony let out an outraged scoff. "Na-hahat trueee!" he argued, trying to prove his point by staying still when the circles were getting smaller and smaller, coming closer to his belly button.

Steve smiled, knowing how hard it had to be to resist the urge to twitch away. "Okay, maybe not entirely true," Steve corrected himself, stopping his finger when it was just half of an inch away from the little dome in the middle of Tony's belly. "In overall, T2 is more ticklish," he said, giving Tony a half second to triumph, before continuing, "but you are definitely more ticklish here," there was no warning, no indication of what might happen, just a small, soft scratch of a fingertip right on the sticking out part of the outie. It was soft and tender and made Tony laugh loud and startled, his back already jumping up off the covers. "See?" Steve pointed out with a laugh. "I barely touched you!"

"I wasn't prepared!" Tony whined when the laughter faded.

"Aha," Steve nodded, lightly tapping on the small outie, smiling a bit wider with every poke that made Tony suck his tummy in. "So, I guess this doesn't bother you? T2 could stand it," he teased further.

"Pffff aahaha--- it doehehehesn't!" Tony wheezed out, clenching his teeth, trying to ignore the electric shivers traveling through his body.

"That's great! Then I will continue. Just me and you, my finger tapping on your belly button sooo lightly, juuuust in the very middle---"

"Gaaahahaaha!!" Tony's back spasmed again, the ticklish feeling increased by the teasing. "Aaahaha fuuhack!"

"--- on this soft, little, tender spot---"

"Hihihihi!!"

"--- so very ticklish---"

"AAHHAA!"

"--- wonder what will happen if I do this---"

Tony lost all control when Steve circled the outie with his lips and started to lightly suck on it, his tongue gently licking the little nub.

"HIHIHIHIHIH!!!" Tony was shivering, his grasp tightening on the blond hair in an attempt to yank Steve's head back. "NOHIHIHIHI!!"

Steve closed his eyes, ignoring everything and focusing on his task. He knew that Tony adored being tickled by feathers and soft things, but this was Steve's preferred way to take him apart. Lips, mouth, tongue, fingers, those were the best tools and provided them with the most intimate moments. Call him old fashioned.

Maybe it was under a minute, or maybe way past that mark, but when Steve finally stopped and moved his lips away from the admittedly pinkish spot on Tony's belly, his lover looked absolutely wrecked. His gaze was unfocused and he was breathing fast and tired, smile still twitching on his lips.

"Me-hehehen…" Tony wheezed out, voice cracking.

Steve only smiled, taking his lover's appearance as a compliment to his skills. "You are so pretty," he said with honesty and love. Before Tony could react properly to the compliment, Steve lowered his gaze and focused it back on his favorite ticklish spot on his lover's body. "But seriously, do you think you are more ticklish here than T2 because you have an outie? That would seem like a good reason, it is just there---"

"STOP IT!!" Tony wiggled, laughter coming back when Steve's curious fingers began scratching the poking out bit of skin once more, sending shivers up brunet's spine. "HAHAHAHA!!"

"--- maybe I can tickle your ticklishness away, it is worth a shot---"

"NOO!! GAHAHAD!!"

"--- let's try, I will tickle your belly button for five minutes with my fingers---"

"STEHEHEVE!!"

"--- then I will blow raspberries for the same amount of time---"

"PLEASE NO, PLEASHSHE!"

"--- aaand then I can call T2 and S2 up---"

"I HAHAHATE YOU AHHAAHALL!!"

Tony's pleading fell on deaf ears, and Steve continued until there were actual tears going down Tony's face, which almost never happened, but Tony felt happy as ever. And during their playtime, they didn't even notice when the TV screen turned black, the couple downstairs presumably turning it off for their own portion of ticklish affection.

***

"You seem happy today."

"Huh?" Steve looked up, ceasing his task of frying diced onion and garlic in a pot, preparing a base for minestrone soup. Somehow, fixing meals with S2 became part of his daily routine, and he enjoyed the company. "Yeah," Steve confirmed with a laugh. Why shouldn't he be happy? He had a great morning, and as fun, as it was to wake up with T2 and S2, he sometimes missed being only with his Tony. "You look happy too," Steve pointed out. It was true, and when T2 and S2 had finally emerged from downstairs for breakfast, they both were positively glowing with love. Seemed that they all needed a morning to themselves.

S2 didn't answer, only smiled, which still was more of a teasing smirk, then a real smile. "You're burning the onion," he said instead of properly answering, chopping the rest of the vegetables.

Steve quickly turned back to the pot, lowering the heat. It didn't burn, but the onion and garlic from translucent turned golden, with some crisp at the sides. "Hey, hurry up with those vegetables!"

"Coming, coming," S2 grunted, walking to the stove, neat slices of carrot and celery stalks laying neatly on the cutting board. Steve took the board and slid only the carrot into the pot.

"Tony doesn't like celery stalks," he explained, noticing S2's offended face.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" S2 hissed, not understanding why he was handed both celery and carrot to chop.

Steve smiled, pleased and full of sass. "Because snack," he explained simply, popping a bit of celery into his mouth, eating it with a nice crunch.

There was no comment needed, and S2 retreated back to his station with a huff, this time to prepare green beans. In the time celery was gone, the soup was gently simmering on the stove, full of vegetables and smelling of tomatoes and oregano. The last step was adding the pasta.

"Needs more salt," Steve stated, tasting the hot soup. S2 took the spoon out of his hand and dipped it back into the pot, trying the soup on his own.

"No, it doesn't. We will top it with parmesan, it will get salty enough," he said his expertise.

"I am adding salt," Steve ignored the other him and reached for the salt shaker.

"No, you are not," S2 said, almost in a patronizing tone, grabbing the other him by the wrist.

"Yes, I am adding salt, and you can't---" Steve's breath stopped in shock, and he dropped the salt down, the shaker bouncing on the floor with a loud sound. Luckily, the container didn't break.

"Hey, what happen-- WHAT---" S2 exclaimed in shock, when Steve turned fully to him, framing his face with both hands. He was looking intensely at his counterpart's face and S2 started to feel uncomfortable under the prolonged gaze. "What?!" he demanded again.

Steve's eyes widened, and then a smile bloomed on his face. He got it. He finally got.

"Come to the bathroom with me," he said happily, taking S2's hand and guiding him out.

"Wait -- what-- the soup will overboil!"

Steve didn't listen, smiling too big and too cheerful to register anything else.

He figured out how Tonys were able to tell them apart.

***

There was no doubt, that Tonys favorite room was their shared workshop. They just loved hanging out there, constructing new things and arguing over designs. Even if Steves wanted to, it was hard to get their boyfriends out from their sanctuary, but there was one sure way, that made Tonys leave the workshop.

Hunger.

And Steves had a regular plan of meals for every day and Tonys knew precisely when to leave. Steves were sitting on the couch in the living room, when they heard their boyfriends coming up the spiral staircase.

"I am telling you, it feels amazing, you should try it one day--"

"Huh. Really? I don't know, man, we mostly put that fuzzy thing not really knowing if it is effective--"

"That's why you should try it! It was you and Steve who told me to experiment-- Oh, hi," T2 stopped at the top of the staircase, noticing Steves looking at them. They were smiling and there was something suspicious about it.

"Hi," they replied, almost in perfect unison. Even more suspicious.

"Um, are we eating here?" Tony asked, looking at the empty table, almost expecting his lunch to magically appear in front of him.

"No, we thought we would go together to the kitchen," one of Steves explained, "right?" he turned to look at the other with a smile.

"Right," the other confirmed, sporting an identical smile.

Okay, more oddness. Tony scrunched his nose, not understanding the change, while T2 looked a bit freaked out.

"Okay, let's go," Steve on the right said, standing up, "come on, Tony," he reached his hand towards the brunets.

"Yeah, come on, Tony," Steve on the left mimicked, also standing up and reaching his hand.

Tonys exchanged quick looks, smelling a trick. Tony was the first one to shrug it off and took a step forward, going to his Steve.

He didn't even complete the step when he stopped. He looked from Steve to Steve, clearly confused.

The smile on Steves' faces became brighter and wider. When Tony turned to the back, looking in panic at T2, and T2 shrug his arms in confusion, Steves knew that they won.

To be honest, Tonys figured out the way to tell Steves apart fairly quickly and were quite surprised that their boyfriends remained oblivious to something that obvious. Yet, they had fun with having their little secret and were not keen on sharing. It was fun while it lasted.

As many pale people, Steve had some beauty marks. Tony was an expert in locating them, knowing his soldier's body very well. He could list every little spot any time, and that included the two beauty marks located left from Adam's apple on the neck, one beauty mark on each cheek, and one near the bridge of the nose on the left side. They were subtle and not visible at first glance, but of course, Tony did notice them. S2 also had beauty marks. Just his were the mirror opposite.

And that was their secret. Steve had to admit that it took him and S2 a long time to spot (pun intended) the difference between their faces, but they never really focused on their shared features. It was hilarious that all it took was some concealer (borrowed from Tony's makeup drawer, in case he was battered after Avengers work and had to present himself decently during an interview) to confuse the heck out of their boyfriends.

"Something happened?" one of the Steves asked, encouraging Tonys to come closer.

"Guys, soup is getting cold," the other rushed them.

Tony had no idea which one was which. And he didn't want to give the soldiers the satisfaction of confusing him, so he did the only reasonable thing. He took T2's hand and pushed him to the front, letting him decide which one was which.

"Hey!" T2 protested, stumbling at the sudden push, and sending his counterpart an angry look. Tony had the nerve to mimic what T2 did earlier and only shrugged, leaving the choice to him.

T2 took a deep breath and looked at the soldiers, eyes darting from one Steve to the other Steve. He didn't know, he just didn't know. And he really wanted that soup. Taking a chance, T2 took a step towards the Steve on the right. Neither of Steves reacted, so he continued until his hand was in soldier's hand and they stood for a moment, looking at each other until Steve smiled, sweet and caring, and T2 felt safe with his choice.

It was a mistake.

"WRONG!!" S1 exclaimed, abruptly pulling T2 close and trapping in a hug. T2 squeaked, loud and terrified, managing to wriggle away, and running as fast as he could. Steve laughed and chased the brunet, wiggling fingers in the air, deciding what would be the punishment for the mistake.

Tony shook his head, not believing that his counterpart blew such a simple task. T2 and Steve had already left the room and only panicked squeaks and high pitched laughter told Tony, that his boyfriend caught the other him.

"Ekhem."

Tony was reminded of S2's presence when he saw the blond standing in front of him, cracking his knuckles with a gleefully evil smirk.

"Now, hold on," Tony tried soothing, putting open palms in front of him in a defensive gesture, "I wasn't the one who chose wrong, so technically, you should go and join Steve and get T2 --- NO, WAIT!!" he yelled, dancing away from the hands that tried to grab him, and then running away as quickly as possible, screaming all the way, hearing the playful growls following right behind him.

***

"All done," with a smile, T2 dumped a stack of paper on Tony's desk. Tony stared owlishly at the neat pile, still halfway his own stack.

"Wow, you are fast," he praised.

"Had years of practice," T2 grinned and retreated back to the desk that had been put in the workshop specifically for him, sitting down.

"Thanks," Tony said, going back to his own papers, "I should have expected that Pepper wouldn't give me a break," he sighed. He was granted with few days of peace before the work from SI caught up on him, and Pepper emailed him a bunch of files to print out, look through and approve. He would spend days sorting it out, but luckily, T2 was willing to help.

"Welcome!" T2 brightened. It was not often that T1 thanked him. "And don't be harsh on Pep, she is just looking after our company," he continued.

"I know, I know," Tony scrubbed the back of his neck, starting to get a painful, numb feeling from sitting in the same position for too long. "She is great. I would drown without her," he admitted in all seriousness. Pepper was great at her job and Tony couldn't imagine running a company without her anymore. Having someone reliable around was a big help.

"I wonder, how would she react if she knew there was two of us now," T2 thought out loud, rocking on his chair.

Tony snorted. "Probably would dump more paperwork on us. Don't do that, or you will tip to the back," the older twin scolded, glancing up what T2 was doing.

"Aw, you do care!" T2 teased, stopping his chair.

"No, I just don't want to have you crying when you hurt yourself and have to stop to pick you up, I am busy," Tony focused back on the papers, bringing them closer to his eyes and squinting. Maybe he should put his reading glasses on, everything was starting to get blurry.

"You sound like dad when we were little."

It was an offset comment and probably wasn't meant to be as hurtful as it was. Tony didn't reply, not finding anything appropriate to say and keeping his face hidden behind the page he was currently holding.

"Good thing that changed with time, right?"

The light-hearted tone T2 used, gave Tony an odd feeling. In those rare moments when he thought about his dad or talked about him, there was always some guilty weight in his heart for not loving his father enough while he had a chance, quickly followed by cold anger, that his father did exactly the same to him, and they both kept ignoring each other through Tony's growing up, their relationship based on mutual expectations none of them ever filled. The only fond memory connected to his dad, came years after Howard's death when Tony almost lost his own life. Yet, T2 spoke lightly. Just as if...

"What do you mean?" Tony asked, minimally moving the paper out of the way to look at the other him.

"You know," T2 kept smiling, reminiscing and fond of his own memories. "After Afghanistan. Dad combed through the Earth to find us. I half expected that, of course, that he didn't want the company to be inherited by someone, not in the family, but it was a nice surprise to find out that he was looking for his son, and not for his heir. Of course, mom was worried sick the whole time--"

Tony listened and clutched the paper in his hand, making it crumple. Some hot wave rolled through his body, causing his breath to painfully stop in his chest, the scar the arc reactor left bothering him more than ever before.

"Tony! Are you okay?" T2 asked, leaning to the front, worried by the way his counterpart's eyes widened and mouth clenched, lips forming a thin line.

No, he definitely wasn't okay. He felt like suffocating.

***

"Under the seaaaa, under the seeaaaa---"

Both Steves swayed from side to side, singing their lungs out. There was nothing like a relaxing afternoon on the couch and singing together with Sebastian.

"--- darling, it is better, down where its wetter, take it from meee---"

No matter the universe, Steve loved his Disney.

"--- up on the shore, they work all day---"

"Tony!! What--- what happened?!"

"Huh," Steve stopped singing, seeing Tony stomping up the staircase, pale and sick looking, T2 following right behind with a worried face.

S2 quickly took the remote and paused 'The Little Mermaid', ending the song.  "Did something happen?" he asked, looking from Tony to Tony.

T2 opened his mouth, but T1 was quicker and whipped around, facing his counterpart.

"Tell him," he seethed, in a trembling voice, "tell him what you told me."

"What?" T2 didn't understand, his breath getting uneven from the cold anger coming from the other him. He started to feel scared. "Tell him wha---"

"TELL HIM!!" it wasn't a request, it was a screamed out, painful order that made T2 take a step back, looking more frightened than ever.

Steve's eyes widened and the shock kept him in place. It was S2 who stood between both Tonys, looking angered at T1 and shielding his lover.

"He doesn't have to tell you anything until you explain yourself first," S2 said in a demanding voice.

Tony let out a frustrated scream and walked away, not able to look at the other dimension couple. He pressed a shaking hand to his eyes, lips trembling.

Seeing what was happening, Steve leaped off the couch, rushing to his lover. "Tony?" he recognized this face and knew that his lover was holding tears back. "Babe, what---" he didn't understand and didn't understand further, when his attempt on consoling Tony, made the brunet bat him away and move further. "What happened?" he turned back to the other dimension couple, getting lost.

T2, still hidden behind S2 who guarded his boyfriend with an almost challenging look, tried to soothe the situation. "I don't know, we were talking and I mentioned our childhood and our dad and how our relationship got improved after Afghanistan---"

"What?!" Steve's heart jumped in his ribcage after hearing the words. He quickly looked at Tony, standing outside their group, his back facing them all, clearly struggling to breathe. "Howard is alive?!"

T2 blinked quickly, while S2 drew his eyebrows together, the angry look leaving his face to make way for confusion.

"Yeah, he is---"

"Maria too?!"

"Yes, mom too!"

Steve's mouth drew apart and he looked at the floor, feeling like trapped in a drowning plane all over again. There was a painful pressure compressing his body and his bones ached so much, he thought they would crush. It had to be nothing in comparison to what Tony felt, though.

"Oh my God…" Steve breathed out in a terrified voice. Howard and Maria were alive in T2's world. That meant… "Bucky! What happened to Bucky?!" he yelled, looking directly at S2.

S2 frowned deeper, not hearing that name in ages. "Bucky?"

"Bucky! Our best friend!"

"I know who Bucky is!" S2 bellowed, anger being the main note in his voice. "Bucky died!"

That was too much. Steve felt a painful twist in his stomach. They assumed their lives were similar. Turned out, that they were diametral different after all.

"How did he die?" Steve asked, getting the words out despite his throat seemingly closing in.

It was the genuinely heartbroken tone, that made S2 drop his angry attitude and answer the question. "When we were 17 years old. Tuberculosis."

Steve couldn't believe that. It sounded like a sick joke. He imagined the pain of losing his best friend, just a year after losing his mother, the same sickness taking away the two most important people in his life at that time. In S2's timeline, Bucky never became the Winter Soldier. And that meant...

"Oh, babe…" Steve looked at his crushed lover. T2 lead the life his Tony was deprived off. He didn't care for the initial protest and Tony trying to push him away, just pressed him close and trapped in a hug, Tony's body giving up at the same time as his heart and soul did, the first out of many tears sliding down his cheeks.

"What is going on?"

Steve heard the question asked in his own voice and looked at the other dimension couple, standing in the same spot, looking confused and out of place. If they were meant to ever have this talk, it shouldn't happen in such circumstances. Unfortunately, it did, and they had to go with this.

"Guys," Steve swallowed, rubbing soothing circles into Tony's trembling back. "We need to talk."

***

It became Steve's job to explain everything, as Tony looked too pale and weak to utter a word and Steve grew worried that if he forces his boyfriend to talk, Tony might actually collapse. So, Steve started from the beginning. He said the story of his own childhood, a childhood with Bucky and shared years in the army, carefully heard by shocked T2 and stone-faced S2. The story how Bucky fell off the train and into the abyss, made S2 flinch, but it was the tale of shooting Fury in his own apartment when Steve rushed after the assassin to the roof and saw what Hydra made of his best friend, that made S2 lose it.

There was an impact, and Steve got painfully rammed into the couch, S2 holding him by his collar.

"How could you let this happen to him?!" the blond spat out in rage, cold blue eyes piercing through him.

"Steve!"

"I thought he was dead," Steve gasped out, too shocked to think about moving away.

"You left him! You left him to die and they got his hands on him and--- You betrayed him!!"

"Steve, that's enough, let him go!"

"It is like you killed him with your own hands! You gave up on him!"

"ENOUGH!"

Steve didn't move, his heart racing and mind flooded back with the guilt he tried to suppress for years when S2 was dragged away from him by both Tonys.

"We will get some fresh air," T2 said hurriedly in a shaking voice, sending a last terrified glance at the couple left on the couch, pushing fuming S2 to the door.

Tony and Steve were left in silence.

"Steve…" Tony said quietly, putting his hand on the blond's knee, making him jerk. "Hey, shh…"

"I thought he was dead," Steve repeated, swallowing hot tears, guilt overpowering him and sucking into a world of darkness and despair.

"I know."

No words were needed, and they stayed on the couch, cuddled close, feeling a part of their hearts ripped out.

***

"I can't believe this!!" S2 bellowed into the air, picking up small pebbles and throwing them at the sunset, the pebbles getting lost in the waves. He felt angry and betrayed by himself and it was the worst feeling in the world.

T2 didn't say anything. He was sitting on the cool sand, keeping knees close to himself, thinking of the story he was told. Of course, he knew about Bucky and the way his life ended too soon, leaving Steve alone. But there was something unsettling to the story. Some deeper secret, S1 didn't get to share, cut off by Steve's outburst.

Last frustrated scream echoed through the beach, and S2 collapsed on the sand, anger tiring him out. It would take awhile before he could get rid off this feeling.

"Steve?"

A timid whisper and Steve almost yelled a rude 'what?!', before biting his tongue. What happened, wasn't his Tony's fault. Neither T1's fault. He shouldn't be mad at them. There would come a time he would understand that it wasn't S1's fault either, but the pain was too raw and real, pulsating in his chest.

"Yes?" he asked, letting the sand around him cool his body.

"Have you --- do you think this can be connected?"

"Connected?"

T2 curled more in himself, idly watching the sunset, but not really focusing on it. "Bucky not being here, and my parents being alive," he whispered. It would get lost in the wind and waves if it wasn't for Steve's enhanced hearing.

S2 wanted to say that no, of course not, and that they were in just a really, really bad reality, but then pieces started to fall together, forming a cruel picture. Steve said that HYDRA used Bucky as a weapon through the years, altering the future and killing who they considered as a threat. And Howard Stark, one of the founders of SHIELD, was a powerful figure.

The truth made him feel like sinking into the sand below him. It was heavy and ugly and twisted.

He heard a sob behind him, and quickly rolled around, just in time to see his Tony curling in himself and sobbing his heart out.

"Oh, babe…" S2's anger was instantly gone, and he rushed to his lover, holding him close and rocking back and forth, in the same rhythm as the waves were curling in the wind.

T2 cried and cried, but not for himself, but for the life T1 had to live, always alone and not feeling loved by his parents. Not even having a chance to feel loved.

Seemed that there wasn't a reality when both Tony and Steve could have their family.

***

The evening turned into night when guided by the moonlight and stars, T2 and S2 made it back to the house. They found Tony and Steve, still on the couch, curled around each other, seeking for comfort. They stood up upon their arrival, looking equally frightened and relieved with the other couple coming back.

"T2, I am so---" Tony didn't have time to finish, when the other brunet ran to him and hugged him close and tight, saying his apology. Tony didn't hesitate to return the hug back, and they stood like that, in silence and not needing any words.

Steve smiled sadly at this image, wishing that he and S2 had the same kind of connection. He sure didn't expect a hug. He didn't expect anything but was surprised when S2 put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in a comforting manner. He looked at his counterpart, and S2 gave an apologetic nod, his eyes telling how sorry he was. Steve accepted it, and said his own apology by his hand over S2's and squeezing back.

They didn't want to talk and shared the couch, Tonys squeezed close and between their boyfriends, playing the abandoned movie again and watching it in silence under a shared blanket. There was some unspoken tension in the air, but they all had to process today in their own heads and understand, that the lives the other lived shouldn't be a source of conflict or jealousy. After all, it lead them to this moment and what was happening was good and real and with time would close the freshly opened wounds.

It was near the end of the movie and T2 nearly falling to sleep when two people decided to speak.

"I want to meet him."

"I want to meet them."

T2's head raised up and he stared at determined looking T1, while Steve widened his eyes comically and leaned out to look at S2.

"What?" both S1 and T2 called in shock.

It was unscheduled and quite comical, and some timid snorts awoke a wave of laughter, that sounded forced and sad in such circumstances, but helped to break the ice and unite them again.

"But, no, seriously," S2 said when the laughter was ending and his stomach hurt from laughing. "I want to meet him."

"You want to go back to New York and meet Bucky?" S1 asked, and S2 nodded his head vigorously. Honestly, he should expect that.

"Don't worry, I won't do anything to mess up your life, just --- just I need to see him," S2 explained, sadness back in his voice. S1 didn't answer, knowing that there was no way he could say no to such request.

"And you want to go back to our reality," T2 motioned between himself and S2, looking at Tony, "and see our parents?"

"Yes," T1 answered, glossy and tired eyes showing how much that would mean to him.

"Hmmm," T2 scrubbed his goatee, pushing back into his Steve and looking up at him with a grin. "I see no obstacles in doing that. Do you?" he asked.

"No," S2 replied with a smile, planting a kiss to his boyfriend's messy hair.

Tony brightened and clapped in his hands. "Plan for tomorrow! We are going back to New York, and I am gonna take the portal with T2, and you two will meet Bucky. Right, Steve?" Tony turned to his boyfriend, sending him a meaningful look. Steve was the only one who didn't speak his mind yet.

Steve looked at his lovers. At Tony, sending him silent signals to agree, hopefully looking T2, and S2, who he couldn't figure out. There was so much that could go wrong with this plan, but he would never forgive himself if he deprived Tony and S2 of this chance. Of getting a closure.

"Okay," he finally said in a shaking voice, agreeing to the crazy plan and being rewarded with a general outburst of happiness from his lovers.

It was a risky plan, but didn't their whole life consist of taking risks and chances? And so far it worked for them, and hopefully, luck won't leave them this time too.

——————

<– previous part     next part–> 

[lxprincipessx-blog]

Liselotte´s letters part 2

“pages 58 - 100

part 1 

she did care quite a lot about her daughter´s future husband´s character. not only his money and position.  (She married Duc de Lorraine who was kinda poor and she was supported by her parents and Louis XIV, she later became the Regent of Duchy of Lorraine and Bar). Just as her mother and father Charlotte was quite individualistic. 

she often dined with the Dauphin (Louis XIV´s son? please correct me if I´m wrong about the ranks here) 

Louis often invited his illegitimate children to court ceremonies (like royal weddings) along with his family. 

Philippe definitely had a thing for lavish diamonds and rings and all that. 

Marie-Antoinette was the great-granddaughter of Liselotte and lived in the same rooms in Versailles as her. 

She liked conversations with “my” Lord Portland which displeased Philippe because according to Liselotte, anyone who took interest in her displeased Philippe (because he accused her of telling him information and she replied she could not tell him anything because it was HIM who knew all the State secrets and she knew nothing and he told her that those visits would displease King and Queen of England (she had them in high regards) but she said basically whatever, cannot help it and.... JEALOUS PHILIPPE is a biiit jealous (no indication he was her lover or anything at all, but well it is a bit cute) 

She wrote in 1698 (June 17th, Saint Cloud): “In the midst of this great Court I live retired as in a desert; there are but few people whom I see frequently; I spend long days shut up in my apartment, writing and reading. If anyone comes to pay me a visit I only receive them for a moment; I talk of the weather or of any other Court gossip and then retire again. Four times a week come my letter days: Monday, (Savoy), Wednesday, (Modena), Thursday and Sunday I write long letters to my aunt in Hannover; from six to eight I drive with Monsieur and our ladies of honour; three times a week I go to Paris and every day I write to my friends there; I hunt once or twice a week. This is how my life is spent.” 

she believed that joy is healthy and being healthy means being able to work and hence she hated when the theatres closed 

she hated the way Duchess de Bourgogne (Marie Adélaide of Savoy) was brought up because she was spoiled, she could sing in the middle of the dinner, wake up at 5 in the morning and run out of doors, and everyone thought her to be cute and did everything she wanted (she was a daughter of Anne Marie, her stepdaughter) and she basically ate with her fingers and treated everyone (even the King) with familiarity. She would eventually be the mother of Louis XV. 

she cried when her daughter married but said she had to hide her feelings because it was not fashionable to be attached to children in France (:() While they corresponded those letters were never found. 

they received 20,000 crowns from the Palatine and Philippe spent it immediately on himself, she called it a misery of married life. She said that if one wishes to never laugh, one should marry in France. She also complained of Monsieur´s spendings and said she is fully dependent on Louis. 

she could not visit her daughter who just lost her baby son because the men were discussing whether Duc of Lorraine (her son-in-law) should sit on which chair? Then Monsieur said that maybe they shouldn´t sit at all and Louis said no and in the end, she wasn´t allowed to visit her because of ...stools. 

she complained about her son being disobedient and making her angry on purpose that when she tells him not to be friends with certain people, he is so even more. (that´s definitely from Philippe) but it is said he did come to visit her often. 

when her daughter married she didn´t attend many parties, but she always managed to know all the gossip because of her son and because PHILIPPE WAS A GOSSIP. also Philippe rarely spent more than an hour with her BUT HE DID WHEN HE WAS ANGRY WITH HIS BROTHER AND MAINTENON. 

Monsieur liked bells (and she did as well) but he also liked Paris (and she hated Paris) and liked gambling (and she hated it). 

Louis XIV had spies in Spain during the Spanish wars for succcession. One of them being (apparently) his own niece Marie Louise. (that wasn´t written in her letters but it was a side info) 

she knew that the letters coming in and going out of France were read but she didn´t care

when Monsieur died she feared she would be sent to a convent (and it was hinted to her she would) but good for her, she wasn´t. she also late feared of exile and even wrote to Maintenon ( her “new friend”) to say a couple of good words for her in front of the King. 

the day Monsieur died she didn´t go to supper because she felt ill, but he told her he was going because he was hungry and then when she heard some noise she run to him and saw him ill and he recognised her and said something to her and she couldn´t make out what but could make out only “you are ill; go away” but she didn´t and stayed with him until 6am but then was taken from the room. the King consoled her and so did Maintenon and at 12 am Monsieur died. 

after Monsieur´s death she became friends with Maintenon 

she also had to mend things with Louis that had been shaky (probably because of the fraud with Maintenon) and she said to him: “If I did not love you I should not so have hated Madame de Maintenon when I thought she injured me with you” and they all cried and laughed and hugged. 

she found the differences in Christian faiths petty and would rather that all got along

she hated doctors and told them openly that she might not follow their advice though she will listen to their opinions {she hated bleeding and when someone died, especially a child she always blamed the doctors} 

when I was watching Versailles I hated all that witchcraft and thought it quite stupid to include but I must admit even Liselotte writes about noble gentlemen going to Fortune tellers and she writes so as they believe in every word they are told {Liselotte was a bit more rational with that matter} 

she was so worried about her son when he went to war ooo {she is such a mama figure in my eyes, though not much has her daughter been mentioned during 1706 -1708} 

she spoke plainly with her friends and family but was very courteous with nobility

when she dined with the King everyone was silent because of possible plots that could not be discussed so they just ... ate dinner  :D 

her son {what a jerk} didn`t allow the monks and women to hide in Lerida because he said that it was charming watching them defend their town, therefore he shall find it charming to watch defend their castle 

she spoke of people dying like flies in 1709 and feeling deeply for them {because life before that was roses..? egh, at least she noticed} 

when saying people should care less about looks and should be more BODY POSITIVE, I assure you they have never been so.... as even Liselotte is quite mean about everyone`s looks

awwww, she wrote letters to her little grandchildren {her daughter`s children} 

she mildly criticised the King of continuing the war while his people starved

Maintenon still hated her

even King`s daughter wrote lampoons {satiric poems} about her own family 

[manabingu]

ManaTagged! Heyoo~

tagged by the sweet ♥ @rainbow-galaxy-supernova  (sorry its overdue)

The last:

1.) Drink: Raspberry Milk Tea w/Lychee Popping Pearls

2.) Phone call: to @tyrestgwa earlier today via skype

3.) Text message: to @crystalwoodsart

4.) Song you listened to: Phoenix Ash’s Cover of JAP by Abingdon Boys School & Fome’s Cover of Count Zero by T.M. Revolution (SO FCKN GOOD)

5.) Time you cried: yesterday 8D during Wonder Woman ;U;o

6.) Dated someone twice: Tyrest is the first & only official dating. But me and @crystalwoodsart have been married practically since 6th grade. She is mY WAIFU!

7.) Been Cheated on: Thank Ra No!

8.) Kissed someone and regretted it: Nah.BUT I mean- iN DREAMS YES.

9.) Lost someone special: It’s a universal thing. Namely pets for me

10.) Been depressed: 8) Story of my LIFE! But I’ve been makin progress

11.) Gotten drunk and thrown up: I REFUSE to consume alcohol/drugs

12-14.) LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: Turquoise,Galaxy Print,Pastels/Silver tie

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15.) Made new friends: I’ve been blessed thanks to YT Idol w/new singer pals!

16.) Fallen out of love: Yeah...in  high school I had so many talent crushes. Which I think is normal for theater kids. But I think I ended up with the correct person. He truly understands me. And though I sometimes wonder what would my life be if I had confessed my love to those others, I’m happy I waited for the person who accepted me just the way I am ;w;o

17.) Laughed until you cried: AS AN ABRIDGER, I am privileged to be surrounded by INCREDIBLY hilarious people & I love it!♥

18.) Found out someone was talking about you: YES. And BOY is it a trip when I find people are horrible trolls. I find out about sweet people who say super kind things about me or my work all the time. But when I get a heads up about backstabbers or people who get close for the wrong reasons, I put my guard up around them & just do my own thing. Because a path of jealousy, hatred & vengeance isn’t for me. Bullies can talk, but I’ll always ignore them.

19.) Met someone who changed you: Namely Tyrest,Crystal,Panda,Wraith10, @cozymochi (bows to her greatness), LordMoonstone, @kittykatsandbox, (FAB SENPAI) @ahsimwithsake & @laurathia who are 1 of 2 sets of adoptive internet parents I have XD and MOST RECENT OF ALL CEONN. If I hadn’t met Ceonn, my singing career journey wouldn’t have taken off.THANX

20.) Found out who your true friends are: YEP 8)! Sadly, just recently too...

21.) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Well, hispanic people greet each other by cheek kisses so  I will say yes.

22.) How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Everyone cuz my FB is family & IRL friends only ^^; BUT my ZEXAL Abridged has a FB 

23.) Do you have any pets: My pet cockatiel Patchos 8D

24.) Do you want to change your name: No, but don’t mind having a stage name to be honest. I love stage names ^_^

25.) What did you do for your last birthday: Probably sang,drew & other stuff 

26.) What time did you wake up: 9 or 10ish? I had to meet some friends today

27.) What were you doing at midnight last night: GAWKING at Gal Gadot

28.) Name something you cannot wait for:Anime Idol @ Metrocon, finally getting out more song covers/abridged stuff. And being stable again.

29.) When was the last time you saw your mother?: a few seconds ago

30.) What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish that ONE thing didn’t happen & my family had the same wealth we shoulda had if luck was on our side. That & I wish I wasn’t afraid of certain things so I could progress faster.

31.) What are you listening to right now: Fome’s Covers,& MY own covers

32.) Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeS?

33.) Something that is getting on your nerves: Hypocrites lately 8)

34.) Most visited website: Tumblr,Instagram,Twitter & YT are tied tbh

35-37.) Finished all of school: yeppers

38.) Hair color: Dark Chocolate Brown (I used swatches at Sally’s XD)

39.) Long or short hair: I enjoy having long princess hair, but I cut it recently QuQ woops. Mostly cuz I wanted to try a T.M. Revolution hairdo XD

40.) Do you have a crush on someone: I HAVE ANIMAY HUSbANDs/WAifUS

41.) What do you like about yourself: My voice range! I used to be SO self conscious as a kid, but eventually it became my greatest strength because it’s SO versatile it honestly I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my unique voice QuQ

42.) Piercings: My ears have been pierced since birth. Mom wanted it

43.) Blood type: O? I think was what it was? It’s been years lol

44.) Nickname: Mana & Ginga (to my singer friends)

45.) Relationship status: Taken by Tyrest (with Crystal on the side ;D heh)

46.) Zodiac sign: I am a proud Sagittarius ♐

47.) Pronouns: Her is fine, but I don’t mind He if I’m crossplaying (mostly Ginga). It’s kind of a weird thing for me cuz I’m genderfluid ;w; but if anything to avoid confusion, just go with feminine one XD cuz whatvs???

48.) Favorite TV show: ITS HARD. I like too many things.Non-Anime TV Show wise I watch mostly Trail & Error & Fresh Off the Boat. But Anime-wise: ZEXAL (but YGO in general), Darker Than Black, One Punch Man/Mob Psycho 100, Uta no Prince-sama, Saint Seiya/Omega, Tokyo Mew Mew, Kaleido Star, anything by CLAMP, Kamen Rider Gaim/Fourze, Death Note, Attack on Titan, Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, FMA...too many...I know I have more...

49.) Tattoos: NoPe

50.) Right or left hand: Righty

FIRST…

51.) Surgery: In 8th grade I almost died 8D! Ruptured appendix, 3 consecutive operations & all because the first time I went to the emrgency they sent me home & misdiagnosed me with stomach flu 8D HAH.HAH.HAAAA ;~~~;...

52.) Piercing: Ears only as mentioned previously

54.) Sport:I don’t do any.My fave is figure skating tho. I love Yuzuru Hanyu♥

55.) Vacation: Technically me comin to the U.S for the first time counts

56.) Pair of trainers: Is that slang for shoes???...uhh??

MORE GENERAL…

57.) Eating: I ate sushi at a Chinese Buffet called Giant Panda today

58.) Drinking: finished all the boba tea ;w;

59.) I’m about to: Sleep cuz it’s 1am xD

61.) Waiting for: Good news, & replies from a few emails I sent this week

62.) Want: To make my YT Channel flourish & master my voice

63.) Get married: With luck but I think a paper doesn’t dictate if you love a person or not. BECAUSE i wanna pursue singing/acting, I know I’ll always be traveling ;w; so that decision is hard. I mean we can be OFFICIAL via the paper thingy but like, I already know we’re together XD ffff lol

64.) Career: Singer/Actor/Voice Actor & Internet Personality maybe

65.) Hugs or kisses: Both ^o^...cuz honestly I’m a fluffy person ;w;o

66.) Lips or eyes: Both again...I Can’T HElP IT (deep down my thoughts are as swirly with flirtatious things...proly explains Ginga’s mannerisms)

67.) Shorter or taller: I’m short ;w; sniffs 5′1. Everyone else is a tree

68.) Older or younger: Depends on relationship type? Like I think having a partner at a relatively older age because I am anxious af & need someone older to guide me when I’m struggling, but don’t mind younger (but MATURE) person by 2 years max. But when it comes to friends, I befriend anyone who is kind-hearted. Because we can learn a lot from elders/ our youth

70.) Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t mind either or but TMR is @U@

71.) Sensitive or loud: I’m drawn more to sensitive people because they have higher levels of compassion & kinder hearts.

72.) Hook up or relationship: Relationship cuz I’m loyal AF

73.) Troublemaker or hesitant: Egh...both have downfalls. Hesitant is safer tho

HAVE YOU EVER…

74.) Kissed a stranger?: Nope BUT if I become an actor, that is a thought that keeps me up at night XD cuz ...again...I’m loyal af ;-;

75.) Drank hard liquor?: EWW >_>

76.) Lost glasses contact/lenses?: YES. During a musical in 10th grade (Suessical I was Cat in the Hat) I was on a trampoline and THEY FLEW OFF MY FACE! And ....we never found em O_O...they vanished....

77.) Turned someone down?: Yeah...a bunch of creepy fanboys throughout the years... 8) unfortunately the downfall of being an internet person

78.) Sex on first date?: DEPENDS. I’m demisexual, so I’m attracted to personality/emotional bonds not physical appearances. So IF my emotions towards them is high enough, I dunno if things could happen? But usually I stay reserved cuz I need to feel like I honestly love the person THAT much.

79.) Broken someone’s heart?: Probably ;w;...2 old buddies. I knew they had crushes on me...but I just didn’t feel the same way towards them -actually someone ELSE admitted they had a crush on me last month so the count is now up to 3...AGH. I WISH they can find someone who will make em happy because I think they deserve it tbh. They’re good dudes.

80.) Had your heart broken?: Once yeah, an old childhood crush was honestly insensitive when I asked him if he ever felt something for me &  he said “ehhh not really?” in a way that came off as insensitive XD?....yeah. But the MORE I thought about why I liked him, the more I realized I could NEVER be in a relationship with them cuz they were immature & didn’t know how to be serious.They don’t balance goofiness & sensitivity & I need a balanced person

81.) Been arrested?: NO

82.) Cried when someone died?: waterfalls of tears cuz I’m an emotional wreck

83.) Fallen for a friend?: yeah =w= a bunch of abridgers/singers hah. I get talent crushes ALL the time, but don’t act on it cuz I’m shy AND taken XD

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84.) Yourself?: Usually...but I have many moments where I question if I’m good enough or worthy enough to be here ;w; gotta work on my Kattobingu

85.) Miracles?: Shining Draws should be real. But yeah miracles CAN happen

86.) Love at first sight?: FUYA OKUDAIRA 8D...and Takanori Nishikawa...and Mahiro Takasugi and Aoi Shouta tbh

87.) Santa Claus?: Elf is my favorite Christmas movie

88.) Kiss on the first date?: IT DEPENDS. But if it happens? AIGHT????

89.) Angels?: Yes \QwQ/! angels are real. @rosey-ballerina is one

OTHER….

90.) Current best friend’s name: Crystal is my bff & waifu but Tyrest too but honestly Kimmy, Panda & Ceonn are also tied with those 2

91.) Eye color: Brownies eUe

92.) Favorite movie: Finding Nemo, Big Hero 6,Lion King (all 3), All 3 Yu-Gi-Oh! Movies,The Emperor’s New Groove,Mrs. Doubtfire, Moana, Wonder Woman, Mary Poppins, Arrival, The Mummy, Matilda, Harry Potter, Pokemon 3,Hercules, Grave of the Fireflies, Antman, The Producers....and a few others

I tag: @t-chan @sylphwriter @eleanorose123 @ivmysterynumbers @zexalfangirl @shybunny @galaxyeyedphoton 

[gheysnakeredacted]

5, 23, 26, 43, 44?

I think I went a little overboard on the questions but I answered them under the cut

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

It would either be Syriana or Alex. Alex is probably one of my most fleshed out characters and I’ve paved the way for his character development already, however Syriana was my first ever oc and literally has been with me through thick and thin. She’s developed as a character for so many years I think she would fit to be popular as welll but egh. 

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? 

I’d say, concerning looks, Sergio would have to be the one who changed more dramatically in that category. He was originally suppose to be a lizard hybrid with scales all over his face with a very long tail. However, as the years went by, I ditched the hybrid idea and very recently gave him healing tattoos. (Not to mention he is much bigger and softer, but I don’t count that because all my characters started off as skinny until i developed it more.)

Personality wise, hmm, I would say Drake. He was suppose to be the villain of my ‘story’ and be a total corny villian trope. Now, he’s basically the impulsive yet kind-heart demon-summoner of my ocs who really REALLY loves dogs. 

(it’s kind of coincidental that these two have changed drastically in two different ways, and are best friends/partners/soon to be lovers)

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? 

Well, not really against my will, but when I was young I thought Sergio looked too similar to Jake English from homestuck, and his name was Jake, so I changed it to Sergio so people wouldn’t see the similarities too much.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess.

I have to confess when I make my ocs, I just really am a sucker for making them all sweethearts. Either outwardly or deep deep down, I just feel like all my OCs are super soft and just want the best for other people. Also, going with soft, I always draw/make my characters have a ‘soft’ design, and I didn’t notice that until most of my friends started to point it out towards me :”) 

(But I guess it doesn’t count because I feel like its just my art style, as I have found out through my professor who keeps telling me my artwork is soft too)

  44. Something you like about your OCs in general

I like how far my OCs have come in terms of looks and personality. Before, I never really switched up the body types of my ocs, going with the generic skinny and tall look, but now that I have developed my art skills more and want to branch out on different things, they have more ‘diversity’ than they have before. And, yeah, my characters aren’t the marysues/garysues they used to be, which is good if I ever want to develop their stories more :”) 

(Thank you so much!!!!)

[ohifonlyx33]

Failed experiments.

Egh the Aveus backstory is okay, but that opening voiceover was a little too YA fiction novel for me. “I didn’t know it then, but that was the day my life changed forever” 

may to lincoln basically is: we loved daisy before you even met her so if you want to be helpful stop getting in the way of us. OUCH.

oh boy fitzsimmons debating which experience was worse. but uhhhh JEmma can you not call the Space Rando your dead b...boyf...errrr better yet just never mention him again. also, their disagreement is a little stronger than I realized here about this cure and testing it... also leopold james “we’ll sort him out” fitz is gone and replaced with leopold “we’re cursed” james “what if we can’t kill him” fitz... i think it’s partially due to the mention of Space Rando cause that always makes me grumpy too.

Meanwhile Coulson is just.... in a weird place right now IDK. And poor Mack just wants to believe he can save Daisy... that she’s in there.

And oh... those Failed Experiments Ratcliffe causes are the most gruesome thing this show has ever done, I think. I had to look away with all the oozing. And they’ve recently shown a brain biopsy and squidward covered in goo after devouring a room full of people reduced to little more than bone. Eghk.

OH LOOK AgENt PIPER. IT’S THE B-TEAM HI GUYS! I ALrEADY LOVE YOU PIPEr. WAIT... May didn’t think she’d need a gun on this op? MAY? COME ON.... or maybe she’s just scared of making another hard call like Bahrain OH SHOOT. HOW IS SHE SO CONSISTENTLY CEnTERED AROUND THAT MOMenT???

Jemma @ Lincoln: you’re being a lovesick fOOL trying to make a grand gesture. Fitz, in the background: *looks down at the ground guiltily* Coulson: *wants Fitz’s opinion as someone who’s been there* Fitz: *starts to agree with Jemma about the danger* Jemma: *i told you so  face* Fitz: *also thinks the risk could be worth it* Jemma: *sirens blaring* Daisy would never want someone acting s recklessly to save her. Fitz: Then I’m glad it’s not up to her. ME: OH MY GOSH GUYS SAVE iT FOR LATER? OH MY GOSH CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER BUT WITH TEA AND BISCUITS AND SOFT VOICES???? GUYS? *sweating* Coulson: *holding back the feels and regretting his choices*

oh and “Hi IM.. HI IM MILTON.” yeah he and his iconic brussel shaped head are the Worst™ it’s brilliant bit, but i’d also love to stop talking about all Jemma’s exes non-stop in this episode. And I love that she takes it upon herself to toss him a water. BUt hon, as for this agreement to keep things seperate... well that disagreement WAS personal and work related. and you could both talk about it more... it’s not just totally fine because you talked about it under the guise of work.... And really, I don’t see any way of keeping certain things seperate when your work IS your lives, like literally you risk your lives all the time because of the job and it’s many proxy dangers...

ok so besides that weird moment where they decided to tease quake/fire... now we have melinda may walk into a bar and instantly be flirted with by this guy. MAMA MAY GOT GAME. ALSO this is so weird. like... this persona she’s putting on while James is a complete PEACOCK. CAN HE STOP BRAGGING 101% of the TIME. GOSH SHE WAsN’T EVEN TRYING TO DIG FOR INFO AND HE JUST SPILLED IT ALL.

ha Lincoln is just really having a rough day. Fitz isn’t defending his decision to disobey Coulson’s direct orders. Now Simmons has to drill a hole in his head.

aliens just landed... we’re not going to take a moment... let that sink in? maybe hive wants to form a Kreepy Dude Alliance. OH MACK.

DAISY TAKING DOWN THAT KREE BY BREAKING ALL THE BONES IS... WHOAH.

this daisy/mack confrontation I CAN’T. “this is me” she doesn’t feel lost. She wants to “save” her friends. Man, Kree really do a number on people don’t they. there’s some sort of biological drive they code into their experiments whether it’s the desire to carve a map to a temple or the desire to exist as one species of weapons in perfect harmony... the psychological instinct they impart on people is very specific and very controlling and messed up.

ahhhhhhhh daisy stop hurting mack :(

also the idea that the gh325 in her blood is enough to use for this experiment is a bit far-fetched. especially since it came from a DEAD Kree which was the problem the first time.

[purplesurveys]

746

What are some of your favorite cities you've been to? Locally, I loved Sagada, Vigan, and Basco. Outside of the country, I really enjoyed Bali and Shanghai. Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I wouldn’t stop them but I suppose I’d watch over them more and have more rules while they’re still under 16, like no overnights at their SO’s place or that they have to be home by a certain time. Did you ever go through a phase where you thought guys in bands were 'hot?' Hah yep. I grew up during the pop punk/alternative rock era man, where most prepubescent girls were gaga over people like Stephen Gomez from The Summer Set or Jack Barakat of All Time Low. What's something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? The extent of being independent, like the sheer amount of bills to pay, how to check if the gas in your kitchen is doing fine, etc. I panic ever so slightly more day by day because I still don’t know how to cook anything and that’s literally Basic Adult Life Skill #1. Did your parents teach you proper table manners when you were growing up? Yes. They both work in hospitality management so stuff like that has been taught to me from a very young age. I can still vividly remember my mom teaching me how to eat pasta and soup properly or when she told me what it means when a bunch of spoons and forks of different sizes are laid out in front of me.

What was the last thing you baked? Chocolate chip cookies, but that was nearly two years ago.  Do you live more than 5 hours away from the nearest international border? Yeah, if you swam all the way there lmao. Kidding but uhhh I don’t – at least I don’t think so. The countries nearest us are pretty...nearby and if you took a boat you’ll probably get there in a couple of hours. Does your town have a farmer's market? No. I think the ones in Cubao are the closest one. What's the westernmost point you've been to? I’m not so sure, I’ve only been around Southeast and East Asia. Strictly speaking I think it has to be Malaysia, but that’s nowhere near the west haha. What was the last restaurant you made a reservation at? Gab and I never really get to have dates as fancy as this. We tried to book a reservation at Barcino once for Valentine’s Day, but they told us no precisely because they weren’t taking reservations for that day. When did you last feel lonely? This afternoon. I always start feeling a tad bit lonely during the afternoons which a nap can often fix. Can you easily tell when others are masking their true emotions? Not always. Some people are good at masking. How often do you wash your car? I don’t. My mom is so particular about how every single item in the house must be cleaned a certain way, and no matter how hard I try to imitate her methods they’re almost always wrong in her eyes so I didn’t even try with my car anymore. I don’t think I wanna hear “you didn’t scrub right” “you missed a spot” “did you even clean the car?” especially after trying my best. When did you last lend money to a friend? It was years ago when I’d lend money to Gab so she can put gas in her car or book a Grab/Uber. Now it’s the other way around, hahaha. Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? Facebook. Messenger is almost always active since it’s the most popular chat app where I live. Do you own a Dutch oven? If so, what was the last thing you cooked in it? We probably do but it’s most likely one of my mom’s prized kitchenware that’s always hidden away and never used unless we have important visitors lol. Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else's shoes? No, I don’t think you can truly understand what someone with difficulties is exactly going through. What I am prone to be though is feeling sensitive and when someone is having a tough time, I do usually feel sad for them. Sometimes I’ll simply cry thinking about what they’re going through. What is currently on your kitchen table? We have one main counter and on it are my parents’ coffee maker, the water dispenser, the rack for our plates and glasses, mug hanger, and utensil holder. What is your favorite time period in history to learn about? Ooooh I really like history though. I don’t think I’ve ever found myself bored reading about a certain era. How old were you when you met your current best friend? I was 7 when I met the first one, and 13 when I met the other. Have you ever kissed a smoker? Yep but I’ve never liked kissing her after smoking. What is the minimum age to obtain a driver's license in your state/country? 18. ^ Do you think this is an appropriate age, or should it be higher/lower? It’s appropriate. I got mine at 18 and it worked out fine, and the only reason I got into accidents early on is because I was always driving very carefully but was unfortunately surrounded by dumbass drivers who liked to bully my much smaller car around.   If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? I honestly don’t think so but maybe I just don’t know their true colors just yet HAHAHA. What is the craziest thing you've seen happen at your workplace? Thankfully I didn’t see it happen in person as it would’ve broken me completely, but it was when the Shopping Center at campus burned down. That was the first place I went to after I officially enrolled in my school (I had lunch with my dad and bought a UP car sticker) and it was also the first place my block dropped by to hang out together when we all met each other for the first time, so a lot of memories were in that place and I’m sure this was the case for all students too. That was a really sad day and I almost didn’t want to go to class when I saw the videos of the fire. Do you own any home automation gadgets like wifi thermostats or wifi bulbs? My parents have a wifi bulb. What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? Instagram. I’ve always tried hyping myself up to finally make an account but egh, it just screams fakeiness to me. How old were you when you started to seriously think about what career path you wanted to pursue? When I was 19 or 20 as that was the age when I started having friends who graduated college and went on to have Real Life Jobs. Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn't finish it? Yeah I got a random book once when my mom let me pick out whatever book I felt like getting when I was like 11 or 12. I don’t even remember the title anymore hahah but it was such a bore. I don’t know if I threw it out or if it’s buried somewhere in my room. Would you rather read a book, or listen to the audiobook? Read the book. I’m bad at listening to accents and have always needed subtitles, but if I needed subtitles for an audiobook then I might as well have just picked the book hahaha. Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? I don’t know. All days are the same now.