#and by somewhat cultured I mean I have been doing this for 15 years

[shirecorn]

Your bone n flower art can appeal to the people that partake in vulture culture 👀

where do you think I got the bones 😏

I am also... somewhat cultured.

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

I think the really sucky part is I don't wanna leave here. Like I somewhat grew out of my "I hate America" phase. I said I'd stick around and I could be the change. I mean so much progress had been made over the last 100 years here, and this place is the place I grew up. I love *my* culture as an American, and I wouldnt rather be a foreigner somewhere else, but unfortunately my country is shifting to hate everything about my existence.

I would shock those "we have all our rights, what are we even fighting for?" Gay people when I'd tell them gay marriage was only legalized in 2015 and that gay marriage IS important because it meant loved ones got to be there for each other when they were injured or going to die. It also meant they got to make the choice of what to do with the doctors instead of their immediate family who might've disowned them for being gay. This. Was. Important.

Gay marriage in America is about to have its 10 year anniversary. I don’t know if I'll get to celebrate its 15 year.

And it's awful because I wanna stay, but I also don't want to live my life in a place that's destroying itself. I don’t want to be in Rome when it falls when I can foresee the cracks in the pillars.

[maliceincandyland]

Jessie (Pokémon) & Her Duality

Jessie is a gangster who is sweet but becomes cutthroat when she’s on the clock. Fracturing her personality into two halves weighs on her more and more over time, but she resolves this inner turmoil in the end.

Her Past

Jessie grew up on the streets with no money or family. Being a criminal was never a lifestyle choice for her because being is a criminal is all she’s ever known.

When she was about 10, she had a crush on a boy who wanted to be a Pokémon Coordinator (a type of Trainer) and invited her to go with him. She declined. She figured that she should focus on her own life, and she thought that falling in love is what has doomed many a woman’s career (DP73). Then she auditioned for a big career-making play, but she didn’t pass the audition (DP73).

She applied to Pokémon school and met James (Kanto 9, Kanto 48). She passed the entrance exam, but James didn’t. She must have really, really liked him because she chose not to go, for his sake (Japanese version of Kanto 9). They both joined a biker gang and hung out together, for a time (Kanto 36, Kanto 48). But they ended up parting ways.

Jessie joins Team Rocket and goes from petty thief to full-blown gangster. Since she’ll do whatever it takes to survive, including leaving her Team Rocket partners for dead, her peers called her The God of Death. She didn’t care, and embraced being a femme fatale. She said that she had been on her own for so long that she didn’t know how to open up to or trust other people. She was somewhat friends with her co-worker, Cassidy, since Cassidy was the only person who wasn’t intimidated by her. They ragged on each other and Cassidy liked to hit below the belt, but they had some respect for each other (Chronicles 13).

The God of Death

James joined Team Rocket and seemingly volunteered to be Jessie’s 13th partner. Like in Western culture, 13 is considered an unlucky number in Japan. (Thirteen is also the episode number of this episode in the English dub.) Although there are different ways that this flashback can be interpreted, it seems like Jessie and James recognized each other and that Jessie was upset with James (like if he left her or if they had a fight). I interpret it as him having left her because later on (in the Japanese version) he confesses that he tried to outrun his past and has been running away his whole life. She never asked what he was running from, or about any details of his past (Chronicles 13). He never told her, but she accidentally finds out, about 15 years after meeting him (Kanto 48).

In any case, she quickly warms up to him, giving him her food ration and telling him that she doesn’t open up to other people but that she knows that the three of them are kindred spirits. Subsequently, James tells her that he won’t run away from their Team Rocket responsibilities because if he starts running, then he won’t ever be able to stop running. Jessie is moved to tears.

Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

Women and girls in Pokémon become more self-sufficient and goal-oriented without becoming less feminine.

Jessie is hyper-feminine, meaning she has traditionally feminine personality traits, a traditionally feminine appearance (ex. wears feminine colors), and traditionally feminine interests. She even has ‘a woman’s intuition,’ which is to say she’s a little bit psychic (DP105, DP134, JN24). Often when hyper-feminine characters go through an empowering character arc (ex. become a kinder person), their traditionally feminine characteristics decrease, because hyper-femininity is treated as an obstacle, instead of an asset. This is not the case with Jessie, who is just as feminine at the beginning of the series as she is at the end.

Hyper-feminine characters are usually pitted against other women, but Pokémon doesn’t do that. Jessie battles women but it’s no different from her battling men. Jessie gets along pretty well with Ash's friends Serena, Shauna, and Dawn, and she roots for Ash's friend Iris at the World Championship, saying that Iris battling Team Rocket is what molded her into a Champion. Jessie was originally pitted against Cassidy, but they become friends, and they somewhat got along when they were in Team Rocket’s training school. Jessie and her co-worker Matori argue and enjoy to backstabbing each other, but sometimes they get along and Matori got Jessie and James promoted (DP191).

Damsel or Fatal

Jessie is both a Damsel in Distress and a Femme Fatale.

Jessie is a very childlike character (she's 25). She, James, and Meowth spend much of their time playing dress-up, rhyming in limericks, and making up silly games. Jessie has a childlike curiosity and awe, and always finds something to laugh about. She is also petulant, however.

She leaves the adulting to James; but she does learn how to bake, in order to do something completely on her own that she could be proud of (DP14, DP106). She keeps practicing and gets quite good at it (XY80, XY101).

Jessie doesn’t take criticism or bad news well and needs it to be sugarcoated, otherwise she denies it or cries. Though she comes across as cocky, she's only cocky in bursts and it's to over-compensate for her lack of self-confidence. Dawn's friend Zoey points this out but Jessie is offended and denies it (DP49).

Jessie considers creepy things to be cute, which is sweet, but she lets her guard down and gets into dangerous situations (XY14, XY60, SM3, etc.).

Since Jessie has depression, she knows what the absence of happiness feels like all too well. Thus, when she's happy, she feels it with every fiber of her being and loves with all her heart. When she can't believe in herself, she believes in James and Meowth's faith in her. She also seems to believe that you won't automatically feel grateful for anything, unless you stop to appreciate what you have.

Jessie has the courage to be sensitive, emotional, imperfect, and vulnerable in a world where people want to step all over you. She believes that being a delicate flower in a harsh world makes you brave, not weak.

Being vulnerable and open is what allows her to connect with others (Chronicles 13), so she holds these traits near and dear to her heart.

Jessie is a Damsel in Distress, meaning that she's in damsel in distress situations a lot (small things like James getting her out of the line of fire, and big things like being alone and under attack from wild Pokémon). Sometimes it's for the comedic relief of Jessie not thinking things through or James clumsily trying to save her. But when it's more serious (4th movie, Chronicles 13, DP73, XY63, SM38, JN95, etc.), then the purpose is that she shows great courage and comes out empowered, knowing that she overcame the scary, stressful situation. She emerges re-energized and having a bit more self-esteem, and sometimes with a better understanding of something. She finds an inner strength to keep going. It’s interesting that she continually has to be in these situations because personal growth isn’t a one-and-done; you have to keep doing it and gradually improve over time.

Simultaneously, Jessie is a femme fatale. Femme Fatales are ‘unconventional’ female love-interests in film noir (as opposed to so-called ‘Good Girls’), and modern characters who are modeled after them. We first see Jessie dress in noir style clothing in the 29th episode of the first season, and she periodically continues to dress that way throughout the series (as do other members of Team Rocket). Some of the instrumental music that plays during Team Rocket’s scenes also have a jazzy noir sound.

Femme Fatales in Noir

A femme fatale’s goal is to capture a man and his money, or together they'll take someone else's money. She usually uses seduction and tough talk to get her way. Often she's cold and aloof. Often she’s running from her past and won't talk about herself, though it's clear that she's either escaping an abusive relationship, escaping a loveless marriage, or she's poor and fed up. Usually she's sick of following the rules in a world designed to benefit only men.

Or, alternately, a femme fatale is sweet but unconventional in some way. She's in love with a gangster. Or she's a sexy singer/showgirl who gets mixed up in something bad. Or she has an unladylike interest in detective novels. And so on.

“When I get excited about something, I give it everything I have.” ---Irene (Lauren Bacall) from Dark Passage (1947)

The femme fatale isn't interested in domestic life, at least not yet. She almost never has kids. She may marry her love-interest, or is having an extramarital affair with him. She may have killed her husband and/or his first wife.

“I want things. A lot of things. Big things. I don't want to be afraid of life or anything else.” ---Annie (Peggy Cummins) from Gun Crazy (1950)

A femme fatale might be a good girl who's become street tough, she might be pure evil, or she might be somewhere in-between. Ultimately, she'll end up married and softened around the edges, or arrested or murdered. Though she is either punished or domesticated, often noir films seem to side with the femme fatale despite her vilification. She must be punished or reformed, but often she’s painted as having a good reason for having become a villain.

For instance, in Gilda (1946), Gilda does a sexy song-and-dance number that would ordinarily drive a man wild, but she does it to rub her beauty in jealous wreck Johnny's face. Thus, he gets no satisfaction out of it and has the bouncer get her off the stage. The song is about men blaming women for things that they didn't do.

Legendary Hispanic actor Rita Hayworth, as Gilda.

Poison Ivy in Batman the Animated Series/Batman Beyond was likely inspired by Gilda.

Cartoon/comic character Jessica Rabbit was likely inspired by Gilda. Though she was already an existing character, for the incarnation of her in the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988), femme fatale actors Rita Hayworth, Veronica Lake, and Lauren Bacall are specifically cited as inspirations for that iteration of Jessica Rabbit. (Photo credit: imnotbad)

In Pokémon, Jessie seems to parody Jessica Rabbit in XY123. Perhaps a nod to her English dub name?

The femme fatale will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Her passion usually brings out desire in a man, but leads to his downfall. She has a passion for other parts of life as well. She likes to dance, go out to cocktail lounges, have drinks with friends, etc.

“I have my own life to lead. Good times, that’s what I want. And laughs with people I like.” ---Alicia (Ingrid Bergman) from Notorious (1946)

The femme fatale is hyper-feminine. They want all the beautiful and flashy things that will make them stand out in a crowd. They want perfume that makes a man have to get close. They want their man to think of them all day, every day. They want their man to want to steal or kill for her. They want pretty things and passionate kisses and dancing and to sink their claws into a man's soul.

“I’ve got you and I’m enjoying it fine, because I’m not yours anymore; you’re mine.” ---Ellen (Veronica Lake) from This Gun for Hire (1942)

One of the themes in film noir is that you shouldn't sleep well at night, thinking nothing bad will happen to you and thinking the world is fine. Even the person closest to you could be working against you. The femme fatale is usually a symbol of how death can strike at any moment. (Recall that Jessie is “The God of Death.”) Men follow her willingly because she gives him a reason to live or a reason to live again. He has nothing left to lose anyway. He's a dead man walking. He's a man with no future and she's a woman with a past. She's beautiful, fascinates him, and excites him. She's usually the catalyst for the bad things that happen. Often she destroys her man from within by awakening something dark in him. Sometimes she hasn't done anything wrong per se, but her refusal to choose a suitor and her enjoyment of her independence drives her suitors to turn against each other.

“Touch me and you won’t live ‘til morning” ---Kitty (Ava Gardner) from The Killers (1946)

By virtue of being a woman, she has to constantly put on a façade. She has to pretend to be happy when she's depressed. She has to pretend to be collected when she's furious. She has to pretend to be tough when she's scared. This molds her into a masterful liar and manipulator.

“Last night, I dreamt I went... [home] again. It seemed to me I stood by the iron gate leading to the drive; and, for a while I could not enter, for the way was barred to me. Then, like all dreamers, I was possessed of a sudden with supernatural powers and passed like a spirit through the barrier before me.“ ---Mrs. de Winter (Joan Fontaine) from Rebecca (1940)

Living a Double Life

Jessie struggles to reconcile the part of her that’s sweet with her darker side.

When Jessie joined Team Rocket, she suppressed the sweet part of her, but that made people not want to associate with her and that made her lonely (Chronicles 13). She would never want to go back to suppressing her loving, caring self.

In XY63, she tries suppressing her dark side, but that seems to make her feel disingenuous. On top of that, it doesn’t stop her gangster toughness from coming out whenever she's in potential danger.

James and their Pokémon love how sweet Jessie is, and that encourages her to embrace it and work harder on being kinder as the series goes on.

An example of her showing that she cares is when she takes her Pokémon, Mimikyu, shopping at the mall. She gives Mimikyu a makeover to try to boost its self-esteem and so that it can find a look that suits its personality. Mimikyu is adamant that its old identity (as an undead Pikachu) is who it really is. So Jessie fights off some Pokémon by hand to get its Voodoo doll Pikachu costume back, and sews it up (SM38).

An example of her telling others that she cares is after she loses in the Kalos Masterclass Showcase tournament (similar to Coordinator style battling). Jessie must be absolutely devastated, but she collects herself and tells James and their Pokémon that she only got as far as she did because of their help, and that she’s really grateful for them. They’re moved to tears and James tells her he’ll take her out to dinner (XY113).

James/Kojiro: We’ll follow you anywhere, Musashi-sama! Jessie/Musashi: This [dinner] is going to be YOUR treat, Kojiro! James/Kojiro: I’ll pay! I’ll so pay!

In order to use a special high-powered move called a Z-Move, a Trainer needs to send some of their auric energy to their Pokémon. The move also requires a crystal called a Z-Crystal, and these can only be obtained through tests of character. Jessie’s test reveals that she is willing to help others.

Jessie and James come across a Gengar who is eating the soul of a little girl, who turns out to be the ward of the local Kahuna (Gym Leader, basically). Jessie has her Mimikyu attack Gengar and James grabs his Z-Crystal that Gengar swiped from him. To avoid further attacks, Gengar possesses Meowth. Jessie gets mad and has Mimikyu knock out Meowth to force the Gengar out. Gengar then possesses Jessie. James has his Mareanie gently use a Dark Type move on Jessie since Dark Type moves are Super Effective against Ghost Types. The Kahuna and his ward give Jessie Mimikium-Z, which allows her Mimikyu to use Let’s Snuggle Forever. It’s a Fairy Type Z-Move that suffocates the opponent.

Integrating the Shadow

Jessie and James get an apartment together and fill it with personal effects. They visit other countries, but return to their apartment whenever they’re back in Kanto. No longer lost souls wandering the earth, they finally have a home and someone to come home to. They start a podcast (JN106) and a YouTube channel (JN115) together in their apartment. The Narrator says that they continued being content creators from then on out (JN106). This is a pretty permanent arrangement. But it takes some getting used to. Living with someone was one of James’s biggest fears (AG147) and Jessie doesn’t seem confident that he’ll stick around. That is, she becomes concerned that he might be losing interest in being a gangster, and it seems like she thinks being her Team Rocket partner is the only thing that’s keeping him there. However, he’s been by her side for years and even promised to stay by her side in the afterlife (DP117). He is deeply insulted by her lack of faith in him and doesn't want to be partners anymore.

After their fight, Jessie, James, and Meowth individually go off to do the same villainous scheme, which moves Meowth to tears and makes Jessie and James smile. They realize that the three of them are inextricably linked, and what initially linked them was their love of villainy. Jessie and James can’t part ways like they did as kids, because their souls are bonded. (Literally. Jessie, James, and Meowth can power-up each other’s Z-Moves. Some Trainers do this with a Pokémon, but Jessie and James are the only humans shown to have an energy bond.) With Jessie’s shadow of doubt out of the way, she embraces her dark side and becomes a fully-actualized villain. There’s nothing holding her back anymore, because she realizes that James is every bit as dark as she is, and will always be at her side.

You can check out my James character study here

You can check out my Team Rocket music playlist here

[fabrickind]

How do you become a professional cosplayer? Thnx :)

Hello there!

Short answer is: you don't lmao

Long answer is: it's complicated and incredibly difficult, and depends on what you mean by "professional."

If you mean "someone who judges contests and/or gets invited to cons," the VAST majority of those aren't professionals. They may or may not get an appearance fee, even, depending on the con. (Note to cosplayers: don't let cons take advantage of you by not paying you for your work for them! Always get per diem, travel, and hotel at BARE minimum, and preferably also an appearance fee.) This isn't that hard to do, but you need to have a portfolio that backs up why you would be a good guest, and a good reason why you'd be a good guest. It's just a matter of emailing and/or applying to cons. I've only guested once, but if you want tips, I can give them.

However, based on the phrasing, I'm assuming you are a newer cosplayer who isn't ready for that yet. I assume this because if you've been around a while, you know that this isn't a question. Not "this isn't a question you ask" (as in, we don't talk about it in polite society), but that this isn't really a *thing* in the way that people outside of the cosplay community seem to think it is.

(Side note: I remember this question being asked for at least 15, 20 years online lmao it's easier to make money cosplaying now than it was then, but it's still incredibly difficult to make a living wage and fully support yourself on cosplay.)

There are professional cosplayers out there, as in, people who make the majority or all of their income from cosplay. They tend to be few and far between, and one of the open secrets of the community is that some people who try to make a go at it are supported by a partner or family with money.

But! There are ways to make money as a cosplayer. It's difficult and unlikely, especially with how saturated the market is, but there are ways.

This is all from a USA perspective, which I assume you're from or at least a similar culture, since you're asking me and not, say, someone living in Japan.

Do commissions. This works once you have a high enough skill level to have a client base that wants to pay you for those skills. It's difficult to both get enough commissions and finish enough commissions to have a living wage, though, so it's really only recommended if you are fast at it and/or are okay with it being a side gig.

Start a business selling resources. Patterns, 3D models, resin kits, etc. You'll be operating on thin margins, there's competition out there, and you'll need to be good and fast at these things, but some business prowess, skill, and a bit of luck, and people have done it. Some people also sell tutorials and such, but I don't know how much they make.

Sell prints. This is going to be the hardest of these to make a living wage on. You can couple this with other things on this list to add supplemental income. Basically, sell pictures of yourself online and at cons, start a Patreon, become a booth babe (there isn't enough in the way of "official cosplayer" jobs to make a living on, and usually you aren't paid much and still have to make the costume), etc. This bullet point usually goes with the next two.

Become an influencer. Confession: I don't know quite how this works, but your money would be coming from sponsorships, paid posts, youtube ad revenue, etc. This is also a lot of work, and you would basically be hustling 24/7. Think of the direction you would want to take this and what specific thing you would offer that sets you apart, and.....figure out how to become an influencer lmao. idk if there are cosplay influencers that make a full living off of it since it's a somewhat newer field and far from what I do, but the margin of success is also pretty small, I'd imagine.

Sex work. This is even further from what I know about, so I have NO idea how much money you would make or how to get into it. I'm sure there are guides online. You can do anything from the extremely soft (think gravure modeling: sexy clothes, lingerie, sexy poses, light nudity) to harder stuff (depicting sex acts, whether solo or with toys or partners, catering to fetishes in addition to cosplay, camming, etc.). This is going to be difficult as well and while all of these are not for everyone, this one especially. (Honestly not my thing at all but so much respect for people who can handle it.) You'll want to keep yourself safe online for SURE if you go into this, and it will require stricter safety measures than the rest of these (which also require strict safety measures). Also think long and hard about whether you want the stigma following you: unfortunately, our society still stigmatizes sex work, and you can lose jobs, friends, etc. if people find out, and it'll be hard to physically get and keep your money because of banks and credit card processors not accepting sex work money. This isn't to say "don't do it" but it's something to really think about and look into. IDK where to get advice on the cosplay specific side of this, but Slate's How to Do It column has had a few letters about sex work generally over the years -- here's a few -- and usually Stoya points the letter writer to further resources. (Also tends to be only cosplay adjacent from what I've seen? You'll be dressing up but won't be wearing much in the way of costumes lmao)

There might be more ways that I can't think of, but these are the main ones you will encounter. Again, being a professional cosplayer isn't really like....a thing. Most people who have done it have had a long and difficult career of carving out space for themselves and finding income streams. There really isn't something, at least here, that is having someone pay you to exist in cosplay, unfortunately.

I'm also assuming you aren't talking about costuming generally as a career, which is a whole different ballpark. Actually, that might be something to look into as a career to fund your cosplay hobby (and possible cosplay side gig) if you are interested. Otherwise, enjoy it as a hobby, slowly build a business if you think you are up to it, and see where it takes you. :]

I hope that helps! Good luck

[wof-reworked]

12, 13, 15 and 28 for the ask game

hiiiii :} . Thank you for the ask my dear, and for fueling my addiction to saying my opinions loudly.

| 12. One thing you'd add to an arc/ book?

I mean the obvious is having Darkstalker actually take the strawberry, but I'd also just wildly rework the second arc to not have Qibli be the final POV character, or at least not split the book between his backstory plot/resolving the contrived prophecy and the larger, more interesting story of Darkstalker. There's a LOT of tiny things I would add to every fuckign book if we're being honest- if I had the freedom, I'd make the overarching plot a lot less direct and a bit more subtler (less of the dragons thinking the same thoughts over n over again abt the prophecy or war) and more focus on character moments and dialogue. Similarly for worldbuilding I'd like subtler bits of storytelling abt what dragon society looks like, so we can get a better look at the characters as a result (it not only helps the DoD feel more isolated from their homes, but then gives the resulting arc 2 characters more depth by having them be from the cultures we only learned abt superficially before).

| 13. One thing you'd take from an arc/ book?

NO MORE JERBOA ANIMUS REMOVAL. YOU KEEP YOUR DUMB DECISIONS IN OR I'LL FIGHT. That said, I'd also remove the "it doesn't steal your soul at all" plot twist of arc 2- I think I'd change it somewhat still to not be directly abt souls, but about livelihood/life potential- the more you use animus magic, the less you feel like you can live your own life/the more you take from your own life (which also gives Stonemover much more justification in how he acts and explains Anemone feeling "wooden" after using animus magic). It keeps the Darkstalker soul twist too- he is obsessed w not dying and w staying powerful, but fails to realize he is still removing his own livelihood- starting with his alienation from his friends and his pursuit of power over them, like a self fulfilling prophecy inherent to animus magic. Plus the scroll is a cool twist. Tbh, removing the soul removing aspect of animus magic makes that element of Darkstalker even weaker: he didn't need to do that, and it's more interesting if he did, but it didn't save him. Animus magic being a powerful but ultimately self destructive tool would still make Darkstalkers attempt to subvert it good, and even add an extra juicy twist to the hourglass- it's true, he's never going to die or lose himself in it, but it's because he would stay asleep for 20 thousand years, like a monkey paw type wish where it's technically true but not really. I can't tell if I'm cooking or not, but I like it >:).

| 15. Any design headcanons?

I have a big soft spot for Clay with tusks :}. I just think Mudwings should have tusks. Also Tsunami with a beard/barbels like a beard, bc my girl deserves it. A lot of my design HCs are from fanart- so like, when I see Sunny with Nightwing elements in her design, I cheer and holler, but I never thought of that stuff myself. A design element I don't see in drawings tho is I always HC Qibli as having a scar from Winter frostbreathing his leg- that should've honestly had more consequences than it did, it's weird that they just brushed it off bc it could've been some juicy character drama.

| 18. Favorite tribe?

I'm kind of inclined to steal @pidgetyy's answer of Skywings, bc other ppl caring abt tribes is what makes me like them more than my own strong preferences (bc I like whatever tribe inspires me the most, and pidget comes up w some really cool Skywings) (you should follow them) (go do it now). Buuuuut,,,,,, I also really like Sandwings :}. I think they're silly and cute and their little tails are funny

Link to the original Ask Game

[gaybd1]

hey i just need to make this post so i can link to it as like an about me/faq

just so i can have some info about me that's not like all up in your face bc who cares honestly but also so that dummies can read about who i am before sending "dont post about autism if youre not autistic!!" messages, u feel?

not that i get them a lot but i would def get them a lot LESS if there was a post like this to refer to

okay hi lets see

i am gay

actually im on the ace spectrum if u must know, thank u so much antidepressants ive taken since i was 7 years old...

i am trans (ftm)

speaking of trans i am legally male but am not able to change my name and have not yet transitioned medically in any way despite having socially transitioned almost a decade ago

ive known i was a boy my whole life because thats another question people asked i just got Very Good at repressing it

i am white!

yes i am a whitey who lives in taiwan, that is because i am an immigrant!

i have lived in east asia since 2018 and plan to be in taiwan forever

i AM... originally... from the US.... ughhhh fuckkkk i know righttttt

i do not identify as american lolololol

actually i dont identify with american culture in general because i wasnt there for covid and life kind of carried on as normal over here during covid so there's like this huge cultural divide between me and other americans now

i mean i dont identify as taiwanese either lol bc that would be... wild...

ok anyway

i am autistic

what else have i been diagnosed with lol astigmatism i guess

i have clinical depression and anxiety lol love that for me

i am colorblind

i have fibromyalgia and occasionally use a cane

i have a bunch of other learning disabilities and a bleeding disorder but jesus christ you dont need my whole life story

ive had ARFID my whole life and it gets dangerously bad sometimes and im also recently "recovered" from anorexia lets hope it stays that way

i was raised evangelical christian but now i have Trauma about it

im still spiritual and am somewhat involved in buddhism

i have trauma about family issues like a shitty dad and fucked up siblings and parentification, all that jazz

i am fluent in english and spanish but my mandarin is actually not that good (like enough to get around obviously but i cant read and write like at all)

oh im a teacher and im trying to finish my masters #privilege

idk what else is interesting

i travel a lot ive been to 15 countries

i grew up between the US and guatemala, i lived for a bit in cuba as a student, and I lived a year in china before i came to Taiwan

ok bye have the day u deserve

[sadpearonmars]

15 questions meme

Tagged by @saiditallbefore :)

Are you named after anyone? Not really. I choose my name and I picked names that weren't emotionally connected. I considered using my grandfather's name but it is pretty common and a somewhat famous trans guy I can't stand has it.

When was the last time you cried? While watching the graveside flowers being left at Alexei Navalny's grave, seeing the crowds in the streets of Moscow risking their lives to pay their respects. Devastating. I struggled to write for a week after he died. Nalvany was four years older than me and I'd watched him work for a long time. His death felt like the destruction of something so irreplaceable and beautiful. But in the darkness of it, there were people finding themselves and the fortitude to keep going. Navalny's dream for the beautiful future of Russia will not die with his body.

Do you have kids? No. I have never wanted to be a parent. The moment I learned about pregnancy and what was possible when I was around 9-10 years old, I immediately began planning to get sterilized as soon as possible.

What sports do you play/have you played? None. I was not athletically gifted as a kid and opportunities/money were not something I had. I took fencing at university and loved it, but it's an expensive hobby.

Do you use sarcasm? I do, but I like to think I achieve a better balance of sarcasm and earnestness these days. Like a lot of people, I went through that very grim/sarcastic phase. But I value genuine enjoyment more. Death to cringe culture and people afraid to just enjoy things/let other people enjoy things.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Probably their clothes. If they have interesting accessories.

What is your eye color? Green, very green. Possibly the one thing about my physical form that has never disappointed me.

Scary movies or happy endings? Are we meant to think these things are mutually exclusive? Because I think they go together. Look on the very basic level I'm more likely to watch a scary movie just because most happy ending movies are relentlessly heterosexual and I find that boring.

What are your talents? I'm a good cook and baker. I can follow a recipe and improvise as needed. My particular traumas mean when someone needs emergency services I know how to get things done in a crisis and can save the freak out for later. I can spin endless stories.

Where were you born? In the Panhandle Plains of Texas, where the sky goes on forever. You can see a storm coming for miles. It was land that the Comanche roamed for generations, traversing the seas of grass and the Caprock. The second largest canyon in America is there and it is beautiful. They've reintroduced bison and they roam. It is stark and empty and terrible in some ways but also beautiful.

What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, gardening, doing the occasional fidgety crafty sort of thing. Casual bird watching from my windows. I like to try different things and I'm going to try weightlifting next.

Do you have any pets? A cat who is 21+ years old named Jasmine. She is pretty deaf and has two heated beds plus a heating blanket on the couch for her comfort.

How tall are you? Five foot four inches as I have been for about 30 years. Disappointing to me but probably ultimately irrelevant.

Dream job/career? I have now, which is to say I do not have a job. I'm a house husband and a writer. Work is a scam and we live in a capitalist hellscape. My dad spent his entire life doing a job he hated because it was wrapped up in the idea that a Man did certain things. The longest I ever stayed at a job was seven years, the shortest was one week. Quitting is always my favorite part.

Tagging a couple of people if you want to play the meme game @balconyskeletons @yourstrulyknits @by-ilmater @udunie @sineala

[palmviolet]

fic writer tag game

thanks for the tag @mirkwood-hr-department !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

~900k (scary)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stranger things, peaky blinders, tolkien, succession, among others...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- sub-culture

- the lathe

- better by you, better than me

- disaster/lucky

- misgiven

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do! i'm not so great at it with oneshots but with multichapters my practice is to reply to all the previous chapter's comments right before i post the next one. it keeps me disciplined about it, since i think it's important to engage with and thank my readers.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably the year of what now... i was going for hopeful melancholy but let's be honest. i cried writing it

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i mean i don't really do unqualified happy endings lmao there's always something bittersweet or complicated about it. maybe love is a battle i can win? since i finished writing it on christmas eve and something about the festive spirit must have suffused my attitude.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not, or if i have it wasn't consequential enough to recall it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

not really, no. i'm more of a fade-to-black kind of gal. i have the utmost respect for those who do write it, since i find it difficult and ultimately would rather focus my energy on other parts of my writing.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really, no. they can be fun but it's difficult to find a scenario that feels plausible (as someone obsessed with that sort of thing lmao). i do have a hankering to somehow connect downton abbey and peaky blinders together, since they occur in exactly the same period from very different societal perspectives. i have no idea how, however. the casual viewer's choice would be putting mary and tommy together, but mary's far too much of a snob, and sybil too much of an idealist. thomas, maybe? hmm now i'm thinking about it maybe i'll do it and write something gen.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. i have had edits stolen and put on tiktok, though, which was enraging.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have! no forest, no trees was translated into russian, and the first few chapters of the lathe have been translated into german.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not. i don't think i'm a collaborative enough person for that lmao

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

i'm not sure i have one! definitely have some i prefer to write but i like them all for different reasons, and i also err on the side of character work rather than straightforward fandom-style shipping.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

there's a elrond & thranduil wip sitting in my google docs waiting for its final few sections. i keep going back to it and rereading it and then never adding anything else, though it really does need those extra sections to be fit for uploading. there's also private eyes, which i did enjoy writing, but i think my style and interests have evolved somewhat beyond it now. i'm also somewhat working on a thoroughbred racing tommyalfie au set in the 1970s, but i fear my own lack of knowledge about the industry will prevent me ever being quite happy enough with it to post.

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue. i love me some dialogue. i also love doing research and i think i'm good at utilising that research in a thematically effective way.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i make things way longer than they need to be lol. i'm also trying to get away from over-explaining in an internal monologue and instead trying to trust the reader and the writing to speak for itself.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i can't say i've ever really had an opinion on this. i probably wouldn't use another language for pivotal dialogue, even if it's footnoted, since it can take a non-speaking reader out of the flow of the scene, but overall i don't really mind and sometimes it can be effective.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

probably something like marvel or once upon a time back on ff.net. those were most certainly NOT the days.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmm definite recency bias coming in here but it's got to be either the lathe or better by you, better than me. honourable mention (only because it's so much shorter) to vagues.

zero pressure tags to @beetlesandstarss @television-bodies @greatunironic @divinekangaroo

[revlyncox]

Blue Holidays and the Longest Night

The deepest part of December can be hard, but there are also gifts. The natural world and earth-honoring traditions can give us some hints about how to stay present during the longest night. This sermon was presented to The Unitarian Society in East Brunswick, New Jersey, by Rev. Lyn Cox.

I found myself awake before dawn the other day. That’s not as surprising this time of year as it otherwise might be, given that sunrise is around 7:15, as opposed to just after 5:30 am like it is in midsummer. I am not usually very contemplative first thing in the morning, and have been known to try to light up the darkness with my phone and end up checking the news before I’m really prepared. But, on this particular day, somewhat by accident, I didn’t do that. 

In the light of the imminent dawn, I looked out the window at the steel blue sky adorned with the bare branches of oak, maple, and poplar trees. The sky is usually a mystery from the perspective of my yard. Our tree canopy keeps us cool in the summer, and brings a lot of the winged and four-legged neighbors to our yard, and it also means we have to go elsewhere for stargazing. In that early morning moment, though, I had the chance to look at the sky and appreciate its expansiveness, with the bare branches providing visual accents instead of a barrier. I could enter into the depths of that particular blue, and I could see how the different kinds of trees each branched in their own way. I imagined the earth in quiet slumber, and appreciated the invitation to slow down. 

There are difficult things about the time of year with long nights and short days. Some among us might struggle more for warmth, or work, or food, or companionship when sunlight is scarce. Even for those of us who have our basic needs met, the winter might bring challenges. Yet, if we are able to find the meaning and perhaps even some gifts in the darkness, perhaps we can face some of those struggles with strength and resilience. 

We also need to acknowledge that some among us approach this time of year with specific, personal pain and grief. For those who have lost a loved one recently or who remember the anniversary of a loss at this time of year, for those who are estranged from the people they might otherwise gather with at the holidays, for those whose economic situation has downturned recently, for those whose faith or heritage puts them on the outside of capitalist American holiday expectations, for those who have family and friends in harm’s way because of war or disaster or dangerous work, the middle of December can be very hard. 

Some of those who struggle with this time of year respond by escalating the bright lights and emphatic merriment, some simply withdraw when their hearts can’t match the cultural expectations of constant cheer. There is a lot of hidden hurt among us. There are many ways to grieve, and there is no one right way for everyone, and often no one right way for the same person all the time. Perhaps what we need are options, permission to try different ways of coping when the darkness has yet to yield it gifts to us. 

Earth-honoring traditions have some insights for acknowledging struggle and yet finding serenity or meaning or joy in the dark of winter. In our pluralistic community, we may be able to draw on other spiritual sources as well. We can look to the natural world for inspiration about a change of pace. We can embody rituals to give name and form to our struggles and hopes. We can trust in the flow of seasons and cycles as we honor the moment and let it go. In other words: slow down, name your experience, believe in change. 

Slow Down

I love having the ability to organize websites into open tabs on my browser. People who only look at one website at a time, or who mainly read things in hard copy, you are also valid. But maybe others are familiar with the experience of encountering a link, opening it up in a new tab, saying, “Oooh, that looks interesting, I’ll get back to that,” and then by the end of the day your browser tabs look like a staircase illustrated by M.C. Escher. There are strategies that might work better for organizing information, like bookmarking or creating reference documents, but it is hard to resist the glittering, abundant display of open tabs. Until my computer starts slowing down. When it takes a while for a new page to show up, or when the text I’m writing in a browser window lags behind my typing, that is a clue that I’m trying to process too much at the same time. I might think that all of my attention and all the computer’s attention is on the thing at the top of the pile, but the rest of those open tabs take energy. And so sometimes it’s necessary to simplify, and to pay attention to the background. 

Grief can be like that, too. We think we should–or someone else thinks we should–be operating at quote-unquote “normal” capacity, our hearts and our subconscious take the time and energy they need anyway to attend to the grief or the struggle that others may not see on the surface. I have definitely felt this in the months following a loved one’s death. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. It takes me three times as long to do a simple task. And sometimes it’s not death, but some other kind of grief or struggle, especially one that puts distance between myself and someone I love. A missed opportunity. A diagnosis. A conflict. Any time when the channels of love have to be rerouted. Being human takes a lot of background processing power. It’s good to notice when my brain is telling me to slow down. Telling myself that I should be able to function like a person who is not grieving rarely works to upgrade my speed. Sometimes it helps just to notice, and to give myself permission to slow down or take breaks. I end up being a better version of myself when I move forward at the speed of love. 

There are some parallels between grief at any time of year and the wistfulness of cold weather. Winter has its own beauty and its own gifts. And we also need to acknowledge that it’s just not the same as the spring and summer. Some things move more slowly. 

Katherine May writes:

The changes that take place in winter are a kind of alchemy, an enchantment performed by ordinary creatures to survive...Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximising scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible.

May’s book, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times is available from the UUA Bookstore. 

When our minds and hearts are busy coping with some kind of change or loss, when our bodies are busy figuring out how to respond to longer nights and shorter days, slowing down gives us a chance to find out what kind of transformation is possible. It’s not always practical to slow down as much as we might need to. We have jobs and families and responsibilities. Capitalism flourishes when we are too busy to reflect. Working within what’s possible for now, let’s breathe some room into the systems we are part of. Let’s give ourselves and each other some slack. Let’s make time and space for processing, for grieving, for dreaming, for resting, for stillness. 

Name Your Experience

One way to begin to create that space is by simply naming our experience. Even simply acknowledging to ourselves that something is hard might give us a little more faith in the possibility that we can do hard things. Certainly, we can do that in conversations with friends, or in a journal, or to a trusted counselor. Sometimes what must be acknowledged benefits from an invitation that is beyond words. I’m talking about ritual. 

In many earth-honoring spiritual communities, a ritual begins by preparing the space. There might be some sort of cleansing or blessing, and the participants might cast a circle by acknowledging the four cardinal directions. Often, there is a physical demarcation of the space, maybe by traveling the perimeter of the circle, or creating a visual display of the boundary, or creating altars in each of the four directions. When the ritual is over, it is important to offer thanks in each direction and to open the circle, releasing the energy of the ritual. I am being a little bit vague here because an earth-based spiritual community is very often an interfaith community; people come together who honor different gods or goddesses, trace their specific path back to different parts of the world, and have different names for related concepts. Very little is universal, but in general, the intentional creation of sacred time and sacred space is foundational to any other kind of practice in an earth-honoring spiritual community. 

Having created a boundary, participants may have more courage for dealing directly with elemental issues around birth, life, love, and death. The sacred space and sacred time connects people with those who have gone before, and with the larger community of practice, and with the spiritual resources that are important to the people in the circle. In communities where creative ritual development happens, celebrations are designed with specific intentions. If you are asking the powers of the universe for help, it is wise to be clear about what you are asking. Yet the question can come in the form of symbols or gestures or music; words are not the only way and are sometimes not the best way of touching on the deepest truths. 

We did this together when we created a memorial altar at the end of October. There were some words, but one of the most powerful parts of our time together that day was the physical action of bringing photos and mementos to the front of the room. And because we are a community and we needed a little bit of time for everyone to come forward, that meant we also had a few moments of not speaking, of sitting with our love and our grief, of holding close to our hearts the impact of our ancestors and departed loved ones. Most people can’t live with that kind of emotional intensity 24x7, but we do need those moments to name our big questions and our griefs and our joys. We can benefit from those moments when we create time and space with intention. 

Rituals are not exclusive to earth-honoring spiritual paths. Paying attention to seasons and cycles, and having experience with and symbols drawn from the natural world can bring richness to the creation of meaningful ritual, and if the mysteries of the interdependent web don’t call to you strongly, the path you follow probably has ritual in another form. In our family, we just finished celebrating Hanukkah. There is more than one story about the origins of Hanukkah and about what makes it meaningful, and we don’t have time to get into all of them, but I will point out that, because the Hebrew calendar is based on the lunar cycle, the eight days of Hanukkah surround the part of the part of the month with the darkest moon closest to the Winter Solstice. So, if you feel called to light a candle in contemplation or in celebration of your survival or with a prayer for resilience, you are not alone. 

We need one another. And we also need some rituals that are just for us as individuals or families. You don’t need to wait until October or November to create an altar at home to honor your beloved dead. If you are facing an obstacle, or an opportunity, or a loss, or a deep wondering, you can create a ritual for yourself to give some form to what’s on your heart. Maybe there are treasures that you can put together on the top of a bookshelf or a side table that symbolize this bend in your journey. You might want to listen to music that reminds you of your question as you draw or paint or play with salt dough. If you bundle up, maybe the circle you trace will be on an outdoor walk around your block, or in a park, as you silently greet the living things you encounter and practice gratitude for the earth and water around you, the sun and stars above you, and the breath that travels within you and beyond you. 

Whatever is on your mind and heart as the sun begins its return, give it a name or a shape. Find a moment to speak it to yourself, or to write it, or to draw it. Arrange sentimental or sacred objects. Meditate on it as you travel through a frosted winter landscape. Name your experience. 

Believe in Change

A third insight that we might learn from earth-honoring traditions at the Winter Solstice is to believe in the possibility of change. Earth-honoring practitioners pay attention to the cycles of the year, to the hours of sunlight as they decrease and increase, to the plants that flourish in each season, to the animals who visit at different times of year. Many earth-honoring traditions give attention to the moon, perhaps beginning new projects or planting new seeds as the waxing moon increases, perhaps letting go of what no longer serves us or putting things to rest as the waning moon decreases. Some things come around again in a similar form each month or each year, but the world is always changing and we are always changing with it.

I take comfort in the assurance of change because that means that whatever I am struggling with is temporary, at least in its current form. They might give way to different struggles that are also hard, but this particular thing that is at the forefront of my grief or frustration or concern will not last always. At the same time, the people and the blessings that lift me up in this moment will not hold their form forever, and so it behooves us to be mindful of gratitude. And this gift of transformation is a sign of life. Living things change. Thriving species adapt through the generations. When we believe in and support positive transformation, we are cooperating with the powers that create and uphold life. 

There is a Pagan chant from the Reclaiming community, it’s called the Koré chant: “She changes everything she touches and everything she touches changes.” There are verses in between chanting the chorus. It’s a very popular chant, and I think it speaks to the kind of outlook that comes from attuning ourselves to the seasons and cycles of time. “She changes everything she touches and everything she touches changes.” There are lots of verses about the Goddess and her stories and her attributes, and there is a verse about what that means about the community itself. “We are changers. Everything we touch can change. We are changers. Everything we touch can change.” Transformation is a fact of the universe. The direction of that transformation, channeling our love and our values as we collaborate with the forces of life, is the responsibility we take on when we connect our spirituality with an understanding of the fundamental truth of change. 

When we pay attention to the cycles of the seasons and the daylight and the moon, cooperating with the moment in which we find ourselves makes more sense. Because everything changes, we are mindful of the spiritual opportunities that are before us right now. There is room for contemplation throughout the year. Grief finds us in every season. Dreams have their own sense of time, not tied to the calendar. Yet at the Winter Solstice, we find an especially appropriate moment for the gifts of stillness. The season of long nights and short days lends itself to quiet meditation, to honoring our griefs and challenges, to swimming down into the deep metaphors and messages of our dreams. 

We know that seeds need darkness to sprout. We know that mammals need darkness to grow new life and bring that life into the world. We know that deciduous trees need a season of release and then a season of rest before they return to a time of leaves and fruit. The changes that are ahead of us are fed by the gifts of darkness, gifts that we cannot always see working underneath the surface, and yet deserve time and space and honor all the same. 

The middle of December can be hard for some general reasons, and for some of us for specific reasons. In the midst of the struggle, may we also find serenity and joy. May we create the space and time to slow down, to name our experience, and to believe in change. Merry Solstice. Blessed Yule. Happy Sun Return. Blessed be. Amen. 

[luimnigh]

“out-of-times” — like how ‘The Brady Bunch Movie’ had a sitcom family who’s been on a floating timeline in the 1970s suddenly realised it’s the 1990s now and have to deal with the new climate with their ‘70s culture, or how Steve Rogers always is frozen and then defrosted 70+ years down the line. “Man Out of Time” — “Woman Out of Time”. I do think that could be done with Gwen in a few years.

I'm aware of the trope.

However, I do need to point out that the history of the Marvel Universe does, in fact, roughly match the history of the real world. There are deviations, but thanks to the sliding timescale, the beginnings of the Superhero Age is currently set to be roughly 15 years ago.

Which basically means, aside from Captain America and his generation fighting in WW2, publically-known history is basically the same up until 2008, and even then most everything that's happened since 2008 still happened.

The big exception being COVID-19. Though once the sliding timescale moves further along, that might get retconned in too.

Gwen can't actually be a woman out of time because the only thing she's missing out on, time-wise, is things that are exclusive to the real world, like MCU movies and global pandemics. Pop-culture is roughly the same, history is roughly the same.

And it's not like Gwen is jumping from 2015 to 2023. She's experiencing the time in-between, except on a timescale of months, not years.

To be quite honest? It's a terrible idea for the character. Antithetical to the whole point of Gwenpool as a character.

Gwenpool is a Marvel Comics fan who ended up in the Marvel Universe. She is, ultimately, supposed to be somewhat representative of the modern comics fanbase. Divorcing her from current Marvel fandom, as your idea would, undermines the point of the character.

And "modern" is part of the point there. It's in contrast to a depiction like Superboy Prime. In 2006's Infinite Crisis, Superboy Prime represented a negative view of comics fans. A petulant, angry young man who hates the direction comics have gone and wants to regain the comics of his youth.

Meanwhile, Gwen represents a much kinder view, being someone defined by her love of the characters and the world, someone who tries to be detached by playing to tropes, but ultimately does her best when being sincere in her attachment to the world and people around her. And she represents a more modern view of the fanbase too: fequently female, queer, and neurodivergent; as opposed to the stereotype of the angry young man living in his parent's basement. Because she's a more honest, more kinder representation of the fanbase, she has to move with the fandom, which isn't something she can do if she stagnates in one moment in time.

Trying to do such an arc would both not make sense, and undermine the character.

[steampunkenglish]

Craft, Crafting, and the Merge of Multiple Lines of Artistic Pursuit

What I've Done on My Spring Break

This week I've been at home enjoying Spring Break like every other person who is attached in some way to the academic community. Some of my friends and colleagues have taken lovely trips, visiting friends or finding beaches. I stayed home with my cats.

I also crafted and went outside as much as the somewhat cranky weather here in Georgia would allow me to do.

Handcrafts are as important to me as my writing in a lot of ways. They sustain me. They challenge me. They allow me to explore and learn new things and develop new skills.

So I crocheted baskets and got out my sewing machine to try my hand at making something that I may wear if it turns out nice. f

One of the things I have noticed about a lot of my writer friends is that they often are like me. They do more than just write. Some play and sing in bands, others sew and create complete cosplay outfits from scratch, still others 3D print dragons and sell them, and still others are like me and do fiber crafting of all types.

How Does Crafting Connect with Writing Craft?

The silver thread through all of this is the drive to create, make, and build. That drive doesn't stop with telling stories though. I'm pretty much a tiny bundle of "Oh hai, let's build something cool!" If you provide me with materials and some instructions, I'm probably going to make an attempt to do something with those resources, even if it ends up looking like something a 3rd grader put together during art hour.

I'm not saying that every writer is like this. There are probably plenty of writers who don't have side crafting going on. Hollywood would have us believe that all writers do is sit in our houses or coffeeshops and get neurotic about not meeting deadlines (okay, I am neurotic about that, but when I get too neurotic, I usually go pick up my crochet needle and crank out about 15 bookmarks or make baskets or something) or plot the murder of our agents. I'm also not looking down on those writers who don't craft. Every person has a different thing and a different approach to creativity.

What I am saying is that often, at least in my experience, crafting has opened my own creativity and taught me techniques I apply to my writing.

Techniques I Have Gained from Hand-Crafting

Breaking things down into smaller pieces: Every project starts off seeming HUGE! You look at the picture on a pattern or the photograph of that cake on the cookbook page and it seems impossible. That's the finished product. What we forget is that those products come from a series of small steps taken in order that lead to that final product. Our culture doesn't allow us to understand this. We are a final product people. Everything is a series of smaller steps. Crafting allows us to learn this fact over and over again.

Allowing for mistakes: I am a perfectionist. I want things to be perfect the first time. This is a problem for a novelist. It means there is little room for accepting that the story might not work well during the first draft or even the tenth draft. It also makes it hard to hear when someone else says, "You know, this story is happening in a white room..." (This really happened to me with a story I wrote and LOVE with my whole heart. It was made harder by the fact that the person who said this is someone I respect and also love with my whole heart AND was completely right). Handcrafting forces you to be honest and accept that you are not going to be a master right away--and that's okay. I started knitting eleven years ago. It was a huge learning curve, but it taught me that those mistakes I made were not a big deal. I could tear them out and try again. Writing is the same. I can tear those mistakes out and try again. That white room got torn out and filled with pine trees, a lake that smelled funny, a small brick church, and a rotting, green dock. Substitute perfection for a polishing rag.

Being open to instruction and guidance: Crafting has taught me that there are others who know more than me. When I need and want to know more, I have to go ask. This is another thing I struggle with. Ask the questions. Go find the experts. Don't assume to know the answers. One of the things I love, love, love about crochet and knitting is that there is always one more thing to know. During the pandemic, I decided that I wanted to learn a new crochet technique. I settled on mosaic crochet. I couldn't go take classes, so I used ye old YouTube and found an expert from Iceland, Tinna Thorudottir Thorvaldar(https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCLETbuS9Y_v1o2BpSjj-oA). I also found she had a Facebook group. I learned, asked questions, and started working mosaic pretty regularly. Now it's my favorite style of crochet. I often am reminded as I do this work that asking questions and taking the advice of others is important.

Expand Your Creativity

My message this week is this: expand your creativity. Don't be afraid to spread yourself out a bit and find other creative things to do. Crafting can be a great way to feed yourself creatively and open yourself and your writing. You don't have to master the craft or sell anything. You just have to find joy and maybe gain some insights along the way. Or maybe just make a few fun things along the way.

Y'all have a great week!

#creativity #writingcraft #writing #writerslife

[ivorypidgeon]

FASHION & SHELTER

Before you can speak, you must hide your nakedness.

In 2023, rent and house prices reached an all-time high while earnings, for the most part, remained stagnant. As houses have been amalgamated from commodities to investment opportunities, 

young people worldwide have entered a state of chaos - 

the housing crisis. 

In recent times, we have become acquainted with many- a-crisis yet 

the housing crisis has always struck me as the most painful, the most wincing. 

A grievance, I have personally understood, having previously made a house out of other’s beds, couches, sublets, train stations and floors.

There is no big mystery as to why many people do not have homes, housing is not a human right 

and the people who could help - aren’t helping.

Aside, the concept of the home is changing. 

The would being increasingly digital, - our sense of self has become fragmented across physical and online spaces, tour physical environment does not dictate much about our identity, 

now more than ever.

Many have found abstracted forms of security online, 

seeking refuge in digital personas.

Groups that were once pushed to the fringes of society, now blossom with hives of users worldwide providing a sense of community that often cannot be found locally. Newer parts of mainstream culture show this trend - veganism, incels, anime, alternative medicine, and meme culture are all at the forefronts of Internet culture - simultaneously occupying and competing with a million other societies.

Most would agree that a home needs a sense of belonging, safety, and security. 

Shelter must affirm our sense of belonging and hide us from danger.

In this context, young people can find these senses within the digital world and aim to replicate the experience in real life.

The physical becomes the temporary present, 

the digital becomes the aspirational future. 

In this context, fashion’s penetration into the post-Internet psyche has taken on a new significance, 

as it not only serves as a means of self-expression but also as a way to connect our physical and digital worlds. Through its visual nature, fashion has become a way to curate and self-promote our idealised online personas, 

allowing us to create a somewhat cohesive and consistent image across both our physical and digital worlds. 

By embracing fashion as a means of connection, we could further bridge the gap between both planes of existence, and create a more integrated sense of identity in the digital age.

Fashion, as it stands, in the current day is heavily centred on persona, identity and image than ever before. 

Brands no longer compete in the space of billboards and magazines but in between photos of your friend’s latest dog update and videos of your brother’s wedding.

In the online arena, brands use these to communicate to buyers and potentials that if they were a person, this is where they would spend their free time, this is what they eat, these are their friends and they’re as real as you and I. 

Balenciaga is an edgy friend from Berlin, and Gucci is a cousin that just discovered cottagecore.

Is this nefarious or just an evolution of how we already associate brands?

On that point, young people who grew up with the Internet have used fashion to develop different personalities and interests, fashion becomes an entry point for subcultures to be entered and returned to with little to no friction. 

You’re excused for buying the Off-White safety belt in 2014, a skateboard in 2016, or the dress -that-must-not-be-named in 2020.

You weren’t entirely a victim of marketing, you were probably just bored.

You don’t necessarily need to drive to the furthest thrift store in your town and ask for old flannels and mud-stained jeans anymore. You can buy them on Amazon

and be grunge for a day. 

And tomorrow, you can dress like Paris Hilton.

The average person is buying 60 per cent more clothing than 15 years ago, while each item is kept for only half as long.

All this spending on clothes…

Do appearances really matter that much?

Within seconds of meeting a person, the brain already picks apart their body, body language, their mouth, speech, their eyes, and eye contact. 

A study by Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov, titled "First Impressions: Making Up Your Mind After a 100-Ms Exposure to a Face" 

found that people make judgments about someone's personality based on their physical appearance within just 100 milliseconds of seeing their face. 

The researchers found that people are more likely to perceive someone as 

trustworthy, competent, and likeable if they have an attractive appearance. 

Another study by Hajo Adam and Adam D. Galinsky found that people consistently judge others based on their clothing choices. 

The researchers found that people make assumptions about someone's personality, social status, and even their job based on the clothing they wear. 

The study also demonstrated how wearing different types of clothing can affect a person's behaviour, confidence, and performance on tasks, concluding that clothing can have a symbolic meaning, affecting a person's psychological state and cognition.

Then we say, appearance matters. 

And does our fashion affirm our identities or hide our true selves?

Does the soldier who wears his army uniform to Walmart wear the uniform to affirm his identity as a symbol of service or to hide his disconnection from civilian life?

Likewise, does a sorority sister dress like her friends to affirm that she belongs in her community

or to hide her personality?

Similarly, shelter operates to hide the true self from the outside world. 

Even in The Fall of Man, after Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, 

they become aware of their nakedness and feel shame. In an attempt to conceal their bodies, they hid from God, hastily fashioning cloths from fig leaves. 

Then they were banished, to leave their idyllic home of the Garden of Eden for the wilderness.

In this way, fashion works like shelter, to affirm and to hide.

At home, you can hide. At home, you can be yourself.

I had these thoughts over the course of 13 days as I entered a whirlwind cacophony adventure to rent a room in the East End. The landlord, ‘a true geezer’ named Boris, no, Dave, no, Dan,

 a 65-year-old toddling man Cayman Islands resident with 100 names that led to no end.

The house was a beautiful yet dilapidating Victorian build. A real charmer, yet a husk of what was once probably very beautiful, now clad with peeling wallpaper, cobwebs, and about a thousand health and safety violations.

Boris, Dave, or Dan (whatever his name was) summoned my newfound Spareroom pen pals and me with No Caller ID, then insisted we pay a deposit upon entry. His wife in a long hooded puffer jacket sat in the corner chewing her fingernails, swearing that despite the heating not working, us not coughing up a deposit would be a terrible thing for us.

After demanding heating, we were ghosted and left back on the property search hoopla, which had already been 4 months of web-surfing, bidding wars, and cosying up with the sleaziest real estate agents you could imagine.

I eventually found my place, pulling up to the viewing with all my belongings in bags - 

demanding that the room was mine, and not leaving until every paper was signed.

In the weeks leading up to this article being written, I met Kieran* near Whitechapel Station. 

Kieran had been living without a home for nearly 6 months.

I told him about my essay and he told me how his clothes had played a crucial role in his daily life.

Wearing multiple layers meant storage and staying warm during cold nights. 

A hoodie or a beanie, could help him blend in with the crowd and avoid being harassed by police.

The clothes he got from local shelters and community organisations, had let him go to some job interviews without a worry.

He said that when he was first homeless, he felt like he had lost himself. 

He just got a favourite jacket and he wore it almost every day, which made him feel more confident and more like himself. 

Without a house, clothing is not just a matter of practicality but also a source of 

comfort and self-expression. 

Ultimately, fashion in the present day is more than a tool. It is an important aspect of our identity, our self-worth and our feeling of belonging within a world that can sometimes feel ever so outside of our reach. 

Ultimately, our understanding of this will allow us to fulfil deeper connections with our objects as we, consciously or not, already place a high level of significance on their relation with our lives.

I close this essay to thank everyone that gave me shelter. 

Every girlfriend’s room,

every friend’s failed sublet, 

every train operator,

every couch,

every floor, 

every shed,

every floor.

I am grateful now to have a place I can call my own.

Thank you.

Editor’s Note

According to The Tower Hamlets Council, Kieran* is now living in a council estate in Stepney Green.

His name has been changed in this article to respect his privacy and his account has been given with written consent.

For the remainder of the year, I have decided to support Crisis UK, a non-profit organisation that provides housing and support for people experiencing homelessness. To show my commitment, I will be donating 10% of my salary to the organisation.

I strongly believe everyone deserves a place to call home. While donating money is not the only way to help, I hope that my donation can make a positive impact on someone's life. I encourage others to join me in supporting organisations like Crisis UK, as together we can work towards ending homelessness and building a better future for all.

1 Homelet. (2023). Homelet Rental Index. [online] Available at: https://homelet.co.uk/homelet-rental-index

2 Petrosyan, A. (2023). Digital population. Available: https://www.statista.com/statistics/617136/ digital-population-worldwide/

3 Remy, N., Speelman, E., & Swartz, S. (2016, October 20). Style that’s sustainable: A new fast-fashion formula. McKinsey & Company. https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/sustainability/our-insights/style-thats-sustainable-a-new-fast-fashion-formula

[bylightofdawn]

Okay it's WIP Sunday again. This scene I technically wrote last night at like 1 am so it was TECHNICALLY Sunday. I really have only written like 1,300 words today and am smack dab in the middle of a JasPlo scene which sadly is not complete enough to make sense. So you get a special treat. A very important conversation between Jango and Mij where Jango admits perhaps for the first time out loud that he doesn't really WANT to be Mand'alor but doesn't want to disappoint Jaster by telling him that.

I'm constantly battling with myself when it comes to writing Jango who definitely feels way more mature for a 14/15-year-old like we see in Open Seasons. But that's just Mando (I don't know if tumblr auto-correct that but it was originally Mango culture and I am ded) culture and he would technically be considered an 'adult' by their standards. Even if I do think he's still a teenager and his brain isn't fully developed and would prolly still struggle with typical teenage things like fear of disappointing his parents and the like. So I try and write him like he's mature but also a kid still in some ways if that makes sense? Blah blah, rough draft and will need to be edited at a later date warning as always.

I also love that Mij has accidentally become the agony aunt of the Mereel/Fett household. I mean, doctors often act as the first step into a patient's mental health journey but gods love him. I don't think Mandalorians and mental health care are on very strong terms. They don't strike me as bastions of mental health awareness in a lot of ways. Pfffft. Long story short, he does not get paid enough for this shit.

The doctor moved to sit down on the other end of the couch. “You’ll have plenty of time before you have to worry about him needing to really consider who all he wants to take up the title of Mand’alor. Don’t listen to the osik people like Montross say.” 

He carefully chose his words when he said that but Jango still shot him a wary, suspicious look. 

“I’m not worried about that.”

“Jango? You’re a bright kid and you’re definitely more mature than a lot of people your age so I’m going to do you the courtesy of treating you like you’re an adult. Do me to courtesy of not treating me like I’m a blind idiot, okay? It’s completely normal that you’d be anxious about that. It’s a lot of responsibility and pressure to put on anyone’s shoulders. Especially a teenager. Which is why Jaster is trying so damned hard to not make you feel pressured to make that choice if you don’t want it.” 

“I don’t...think I do want it is the thing. I like being a soldier, but I don’t think I want to be the Mand’alor.” Jango couldn’t explain why exactly those words flew out of his mouth. Why he’d suddenly uttered something he’d been clinging to tightly like some kind of shameful secret to Mij Gilamar of all people.

Maybe because he didn’t have that same emotional connection to the man? Maybe because he did come across as somewhat easier to talk to than Jaster when it came to this? Or maybe it simply burst out of him like a boil that desperately needed to be lanced. Because if he kept it inside of himself for another day, he might go crazy. 

To his credit, the doctor didn’t look triumphant or exultant that Jango had confided in him. If anything, the older man’s steady gray eyes looked understanding and maybe a little sympathetic. As if Jango had simply confirmed something he’d already known. 

“I don’t think most people would choose to be either if I’m being honest. It’s a lot of hard work and a pretty thankless job in a lot of ways.” 

“Exactly. Have you seen the way they treat Jaster at times? I just want to–I want to punch Kyr Ordo in the face sometimes. So yeah, I think I’d be a terrible Mand’alor”

“Then tell that to Jaster, he’s not going to judge you or place some kind of guilt trip on your shoulders.”

“I don’t want to disappoint him,” Jango admitted quietly. 

“I don’t think it is possible you can disappoint him. You would really have to kark up for that to happen. Short of you murdering a whole host of people or doing some serious war crimes, I don’t think you need to worry about that. And even then, he’d probably try and stand by you because that’s who he is.” Mij snorted softly. “He will however probably internalize all kinds of guilt and act like a real di’kut if he thinks you did something you don’t want just to try and please him.” 

“Yeah, that sounds like the kind of stupid thing he’d do.” The teenager agreed with a wan smile. 

“The most brilliant idiot I know.” The doctor agreed with a matching smile. 

“Oh, I like that, I’m going to have to remember that one.”

“Sure, take all my best material. I might have to start charging you.” Mij teased. “Look, real talk? I admire the hell out of Jaster. We all do which is why we’re half a damned galaxy away from home and our loved ones trying to make this crazy dream of his happen. I would literally not be here if he had not personally asked me to come. Because I’d much rather be back home right now with my lovely wife, you know? But I know if I’d told him no way, he wouldn’t have held it against me, wouldn’t have done anything but thank me for my time and it would have never been brought up again.”

“Yeah, what’s that got to do with this?” 

“It means, if he’s not going to hold something like that against me, someone who has only known him for a few years and isn’t even remotely family then you definitely don’t have to worry about him holding it against you.”

“It’s a bit bigger than just asking you to come with us on some mad jaunt to Coruscant.” 

“Is it, though? Isn’t he asking you if you want the job and you can decide if you do or don’t want it? Talk to him and tell him. The quicker you get it off your chest, the better you’re going to feel about it and the quicker he can start trying to cast about and find someone crazy enough to want to take on the gig.” 

“Yeah but what if he asks someone like <I>Montross</I>. He hasn’t exactly been subtle in his hinting he’d take it up in a heartbeat.”

“I don’t think there’s enough traumatic brain injury Jaster could suffer where he would think that was a good idea. I mean, maybe once upon a time when Montross wasn’t such a chakaar. Supposedly, back in the day, he wasn’t this much of a bastard but these days, I don’t think he’s exactly winning the hearts and minds of most folks. Maybe the more stubborn and hidebound types but I’d like to think that breed is dying out. Usually, because they literally are too stupid to live to old age.” 

“Two words: Kyr Ordo. He’s not going to do anyone a favor and die anytime soon I’m sure.”

“Ordo is definitely stubborn and can definitely be hidebound but he’s more cagey than I think you give him credit for. He sees which way the wind is blowing and I think he’ll probably surprise you. There’s no way you get to be the leader of that clan without knowing how to spot a serpent in the grass. I think if Montross pushes things too far, he might find himself in for a surprise in how few people would be willing to follow him.” 

Jango frowned as he pondered Mij’s words and every way he looked at it, there was a lot of common sense in the older man’s statements.  “I don’t know if Jaster can see it though. I think he’s got a huge blindspot when it comes to Montross.”

“That’s what happens when you serve with someone as long as those two have. You’ll just have to be there to watch his back. I don’t think Montross is going to try and stick a knife in it, but who really knows what’s going on in someone’s head? Who knows, maybe if he thinks he doesn’t have to compete with you for competition, he’ll calm down now.”

“Maybe.” He didn’t even bother trying to disguise his doubt about that. 

“All you can do is watch his back like you’ve been doing. And once you two talk and Jaster knows where you stand, you can help him try and find the ideal candidate.”

“And what if someone tries to challenge him for that spot? What if Montross decides instead of sticking a knife in Jaster’s back, he wants to try and take the title of Mand’alor by force?”

“What if an asteroid crashes down on Jaster’s head tomorrow? Or he chokes on a warra nut? You can’t twist yourself up into knots over what-if scenarios. If someone gets it into their head they want to challenge Jaster for Mand’alor then it’ll play out how it plays out. I know Jaster has said in the past if someone really did want to push for the proverbial crown and he thought that person could do a better job than him then he wouldn’t even fight for it. Hell, he’d probably welcome it at this point.”

“Give him all the time in the world to work on his pet projects, yes I’ve heard that line before. More like he’d have all the time in the world to drive us all crazy. Do you think the True Mandalorians would follow this new Mand’alor or do you think they’d follow him?”

“Kark me, now you’re really asking the hard ones, aren’t you? I don’t know, kid. He was a True Mandalorian before he became Mand’alor, right? I suspect, if we’re talking hypothetical scenarios here, some would follow him no matter what. There’s no way someone like Myles would ever serve anyone else. Same for most of the old-timers. Where it would get interesting might be with some of the new blood.  Some of them grew up True Mandalorians but others like me? Vau? The ones who joined up later in life and maybe don’t have the same ties? I dunno. Me personally? I’d stick with Jaster because I know what kind of leader he is. And because there’s no way I would be able to convince Tani to join some other group. I guess we’ll have to see how things play out.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” Jango didn’t sound very happy about that. 

“I think that’s also a thing you should consider talking with Jaster about as well. Now, come on. You need your rest and I need to go check in on Jaster because I’m laying pretty even odds on him getting distracted or roped into someone’s osik and I’ll have to drag him to bed by his ear kicking and screaming.” 

“A non-compliant patient? In this household?” 

“Wayii! You’re one to talk, young man. Get before I start snatching ears.” Mij mock threatened and made a claw-like pantomime movement like he was going to reach for Jango’s ear. 

The teenager sprang to his feet with a laugh and fell into a play-fighting pose. “Try me, old man.” 

“The disrespect, I swear. Get out of here and go lay down so I can use your compliance as blackmail material for your father. If you’re cooperating then I can remind him his kid is a better patient than he is and it’ll make my life all the easier. I might actually get some peace and quiet for once.”

“I don’t think you’d know what to do with it if you got it, Mij.”

The medic grimaced at that. “Out of the mouths of babes as the saying goes.” Mij snorted and climbed to his feet as well. 

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, Mij? Thanks, for the talk. And uh...keep what we talked about under your bucket for a while? Until I can actually talk to Jaster?”

“Of course, kid. My lips are sealed.” Mij clapped Jango on the shoulder as he left. 

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, April 9

The Sunnydale Herald is looking for at least one new editor. Contributing to the Herald is a great way to get your Buffy on! Find out more here.

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

I'm Here (Spike/Xander, PG) by Forsaken2003

Connections (Harmony, T) by Apache Firecat

Payback (Angel, Spike, T) by SomeKindOfADeviant

The Gift Alternate Ending. (Ensemble, T) by G1orificus

Je voulais juste croire. (French language, T) by AngelicaR2

Je ne compte pas. (French language, T) by AngelicaR2

A Little Princess: A Comparison Between Book and Movie Through the Lens of Personal Experience (Wesley/Fred, T) by girlpire

Young Limbs and Numb Hymns (Drusilla/Spike, T) by SomeKindOfADeviant

I Love a Ritual Sacrifice (Ensemble, NR) by AJ Fields (myfanfiction)

Wonderful Unknown (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Willow25

Absent Lovers (Buffy/Spike, AO) by MaggieLaFey

Irregular (Crossover with Elementary, FR13) by Slingshot

A little more time (Buffy/Spike, R) by LJ94

[Chaptered Fiction]

Mostly Harmless, Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Lady Emma

Bring Him Home, Chapter 15 (Buffy/Spike, R) by acb6293

One Chance, Chapter 23 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by AtlantianDream

What Buffy Wants, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by BewitchedXx

Creative Solutions, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Harlow Turner

And Then, Spike Was a Girl, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Harlow Turner

Give Me Back My Girlhood, It Was Mine First, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Wonder and Ashes

Out of Time: 1942, Chapter 44 (Crossover with Harry Potter, FR18) by Jonayla

[Images, Audio & Video]

Manip:Just a Reminder by MonicaBeal

Artwork: Easter vamp-bunny by JSBirsa

Gifset:I’m not sure I like your attitude, Mr. Snyder. by dailybtvs

Gifset:[Twice!] by buffysummers

[Reviews & Recaps]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 2X11 REACTION I First Time Watching by EvilQK

Spike wrecking havoc! | Buffy the Vampire Slayer | BTVS | REACTION by Todd Reacts

She's Back! - Buffy THe Vampire Slayer 4x15 - "This Year's Girl" REACTION! by Big Time Knights

Just straight up murder | Buffy the Vampire Slayer 3x14 "Bad Girls" REACTION & REVIEW by Haarute

PODCAST: 7.15 - "Get It Done" by If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me

[Community Announcements]

April Showers Bring May Flowers! (April One-Shot Theme Announcement) via West of the Storm

New Buffy content instagram account via btvsfangirl96

[Fandom Discussions]

[Dawn has a stick and poke] by 5bi5

[Tara and the group dynamic] by wolfstrong

[Riley defense] by illek00

Was it OOC for Gunn to accept the W&H offer? [cont.] by multiple authors

I'm the guy in red on the left by Flashy_Ability5820

If BtVS was a prose novel series, not a TV series, would you view characters/things differently? by multiple authors

How did they just forget about Willow? Cordelia I could kind of understand at that point, but there’s no way they would’ve been ok with not seeing Willow after the fight. by multiple authors

What is your favorite Buffy reference or nod in pop culture? by multiple authors

Disussion: Out of Mind, Out of Sight (ep 11, s1) - next disussion will be the 16th of apr. Watch ep12, s1: Prophecy Girl by multiple authors

New show based on comics by multiple authors

Out of all these almost casting decisions, which do you think would have been the best fit? by multiple authors

Angel season 4/Buffy season 7 question by multiple authors

Do you remember your reaction to the big funeral scene where they had us fooled into thinking Cordy died in "Lover's Walk"? by multiple authors

I'm still somewhat confused about the whole soul thing by multiple authors

First Time Watcher S5 EP 1 by multiple authors

How do you think the Scoobies would have handled the Big Bad of Angel S4? by multiple authors

Just finished rewatch s7 spike/giles/robin by multiple authors

Meaning of “death is your gift”… by multiple authors

Did you cheer for Anya when she stuck up for herself when Xander found she had had sex with Spike? by multiple authors

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: Buffy Calls Out The Reason Slayers Don't Make Sense (And She's Right) via ScreenRant

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter! Join the editor team!

[studioahead]

Studio Spotlight: Creative Growth

This month we spoke with Ginger Shulick Porcella, the new executive director of Creative Growth, which since 1974 has given artists with developmental disabilities a space to grow and be part of the larger art community. What we love most about Creative Growth is not just how community-forward it is, but also how it shows by example the power of art as communication. We talked recent exhibitions, how arts and disability intersect, and how curators can be the subversive force in the institutions they are part of.

Studio AHEAD: How did you get here? We mean to California. You started at Creative Growth a few months ago having been executive director and chief curator at Franconia Sculpture Park in Minneapolis. Perhaps you can share your journey with us.

Ginger Shulick Porcella: I've always been somewhat nomadic in nature, using my past experiences and the communities that I help cultivate to inform my next step. I've always gone where there is the greatest need, and for the past 15+ years I've focused on leading contemporary arts organizations through major transitions, which typically involves healing a wound or trauma within the organization and/or community – all through the lens of contemporary art. My journey has been simultaneously circuitous yet direct in nature – leading me to this exact place and moment in time to lead Creative Growth, an organization I've long cherished and admired. I've lived coast-to-coast and everywhere in between, but being back in California, and the Bay Area in particular, feels like I've finally found my forever home. 

SA: We see the term "outside art" a lot, especially applied to Creative Growth's artists. What is the curator's role in closing the gap between the mainstream art world and those who have been historically left out of it? Does the curator just curate or does the curator produce–through the act of curation–as well?

GSP: We typically use the word "self-taught art" instead of "outsider art" because "outsider art" implies an "us" and an "other." That being said, I think one of my primary roles as a curator is to use my platform and privilege to amplify the voices of those historically underrepresented in our nation's cultural institutions, whether it’s artists with disabilities, women, queer or trans artists, artists of color, Native artists, etc. I am not an artist; I'm an arts administrator and a curator to my core, but I guess you could say that my art is curating: in making the impossible possible and in bringing what I call "unexpected audiences" and communities together, to build empathy through art.

SA: Bouncing off that: what are the steps institutions can take in changing this?

GSP: I think that more cultural institutions need to identify and eliminate the physical and intellectual barriers for cultural participation. It seems so simple but it’s really one of the most radical things that organizations can do, because most museums were designed to codify that ideal of us/other, haves/have nots, outsider/insider. This nonhierarchical approach is antithetical to the very fabric of those institutions. Which is exactly why I've chosen to extract myself from the museum world and better utilize my skillset and passion in the nonprofit arts arena where my values are mirrored by the mission of the organization.

SA: We love the pieces in a new exhibition on Joseph Alef ("Recent Abstraction") done in an abstract expressionist style and very colorful and vibrant. Can you speak a little bit about the paintings, Alef's creative process, and how the exhibition came about?

GSP: Yes – that work by Joseph Alef is stunning! Joseph has been working at Creative Growth off and on for over 20 years now, and his style definitely embodies what the exhibition "Recent Abstraction" is all about. His works are so gestural and active and alive; and there's really nothing like seeing his work in that large of a scale. Many of the artists at Creative Growth work in abstraction: it really gets to the root of pure artistic expression, joy, and that magical energy that the artists embody at Creative Growth. Our gallery director Nadia Ghani identified the need to highlight these artists working within similar techniques and styles through a curated exhibition. And certainly so many audiences and collectors have positively responded, since a majority of the works on display have already been purchased!

SA: That’s amazing! What is an exhibition you'd love to do–even if it may never happen?

GSP: My dream exhibition at Creative Growth would be to do a celebrity exhibition with alumni artist Kim Clark. Kim was incredibly prolific and practiced at Creative Growth for 20 years. Her work is completely influenced by pop culture and has so much fun and humor in it. I recently purchased a work of hers featuring the cast of ALF from the 80s! I think doing a solo exhibition of Kim Clark's work in Los Angeles where we can invite all of the celebrities that she's documented over the years would be incredibly fun.

SA: Finally, who are some lesser-known Creative Growth artists you'd love to put on our radar? This blog is all about Northern California as a community–we want to support our artists!

GSP: Two of the artists I'm most excited by that have a big career ahead of them are Nathaniel Jackson and Latefa Noorzai. Jackson came up through our Saturday youth program and now is in the adult day program at Creative Growth. He paints these amazing portraits of Godzilla that have become increasingly abstracted to the point where they're now rendered in these delicate watercolors. We recently showcased the work of Jackson at the Outsider Art Fair in NY and he was definitely a hit. All of his work sold to different collectors so it was exciting to see people so excited about the work. Noorzai has been working at Creative Growth for the past ten years and is an Afghani refugee. Her portraits are simultaneously whimsical yet haunting, and her recent series of soft sculptures really make these characters come to life.

Photos by Ekaterina Izmestieva

[kolourfullore]

*If I get anything wrong lore or culture wise pls let me know! It’s hard to keep everything straight in my head and I appreciate any kind advice.

Name: 戴欢 Dai Huan Courtesy Name: 诚亮 Chengliang Swords Name: 伙伴 Huoban (meaning “partner, companion”) Age: 14-15 (beginning of Sunshot Campaign)

        33-34 (post mdzs canon) Height: 6’11 / 211 cm Weight: 216 lbs  / 125 kg

Personality: Very much a ‘gentle giant’, a big brother type. Can be childish and a bit dense but is fiercely protective of his family. He enjoys helping others and feeling useful, especially if he can use his size and strength to assist. He feels it can sometimes make him a burden so when he can prove to be of use it quiets those embers of insecurity.

Backstory:

Dai Huan was raised in a small sect. His father the younger brother of the sect leader. He grows up close with his cousins and is the proud big brother of two siblings, his sister, Dai Naifang, and his brother, Dai Heng (courtesy name: Yicai).

One of the first causalities of the war was his oldest cousin. The death left a mark on the sect that it never recovered from. They didn’t have much time to mourn, the sunshot campaign ramping up soon after. All those able to fight joined and left the children (Dai Huan and siblings as well as his surviving cousin, Dai Jing) in the care of the few elderly.

Just because they did not go to fight didn’t mean they were safe from the war. With it came many troubles. Supplies became sparse and soon even Wen soldiers found the town their sect resided in. Fearing the worst for the children, the aging adults gather up as much money and food as they can spare and send them to the village the sect leader’s wife was from. It was a more secluded place, surely it would be a safer place for the young ones.

Dai Huan being the oldest (”by just a few months” , his cousin would bite back, when times were simple and they could tease without worry) led his siblings and cousin to the village. It was a long journey, taking nearly two weeks due to Naifang and Heng being too young to have a golden core formed.

Once they reached their destination they were able to finally be at ease, somewhat. The village indeed had not been hit as hard by the war as their home and they were able to get by with the help of distant relatives and doing odd jobs around.

When they receive word of the war finally ending they are overjoyed. A bit older and with the hope of seeing their families again they begin their way back only to be met with a empty, ransacked home. The elderly left are nowhere around, either died from illness or age. Some even dying after standing up to Wen sect soldiers who quickly slaughtered them and used the sect’s grounds as a temporary campsite.

They decide to fix their home up as best they can as they wait for the surviving members of their family to return home. Weeks turn to months and then years but they never see a familiar face return. Dai Jing takes up the role as sect leader, Dai Huan assisting him in slowly rebuilding. Years past and with the four grown they are able to take in a few of the town’s children in to teach. It’s not much but it’s enough to dull the ache of loss as they move toward the future.

Misc:

- Meets Lan Min later in life and immediately wants to befriend this cool, beautiful, elegant cultivator. It turns into a deep love and by the age 30 they are happily married.

- Dai Huan loves cute, fluffy animals, but his favorite is ducks!

- No one is sure where Dai Huan got his height from. Both mother and father were fairly average, as are his siblings.

- He has spent most of his life taking care of his siblings, being a pseudo-parent figure. This might be where some of his childish nature comes from. Now that there is no war and his siblings are grown Dai Huan is able to let it out more often.

- Has a wooden charm that was made by his siblings for his birthday one year. It’s a very amatuer carving of a bird tied to a green tassle but Dai Huan cherishes it very much.

- Being so tall has given Dai Huan troubles througout the years. Clothing and shoes are a hassle and even something as simple as a bed needs to be customized and adjusted to comfortable fit him.

- Dai Huan’s talents lie in his strength and resilience. He is loyal and determined when he sets his mind to something.

- Once married Lan Min and Dai Huan spend a good part of a year in the Cloud Recesses but visits Dai Huan’s sect and family from time to time, spending extended periods there during the summer.