#and brom is just so excited

[heatherfield]

We have to pay someone a visit first. Brom, I never thought I’d say this, but...

Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Story, Episode 9 “The Clues in the Clink” [x]

Bonus:

[jaynaneeya]

There are so many reasons to watch Headless, I promise that people who had never heard of Shipwrecked before can still fully enjoy it, but I must continue to express how much I'm loving all the fun callbacks.

[oflights]

top 10 books of 2023!!

thank you for tagging me, @elskanellis! i started drafting this right away, ran out of time to post it on 12/31, and am ~circling back now. i read 50 books in 2023, and these are my top 10 faves!

titles, brief #thoughts, etc. under the cut!

Himself, by Jess Kidd

this was so incredible and heart-wrenching and exciting to read. devastatingly beautiful/cheerful dirtbag lad busts into a small irish village to find out what happened to his mother, who was almost certainly murdered, and turns everything upside down. every character is so entertaining and funny and sharp, even the villains. the ending is incredible.

The Winners, by Fredrik Backman

i'd recommend this whole series, even if you don't care about hockey; it's so, so good and emotionally devastating. at its base, the series is about a hockey team in sweden, but really, this series belongs to the character of Benji Ovich, and it's a masterclass in building up a queer hero. it's unflinching in dealing with all that he goes through, and handles a lot of really difficult topics with deftness. the heart of his story, for me, is the question of what happens when you're in love with your best friend who is actually a despicable, evil person, and how can you ever forgive yourself for it?

The Iliad, translated by Emily Wilson

do i have to evangelize this one anymore? it's so fucking good. i've read it about 10 times at this point, i just couldn't bring myself to be finished with it. it's so refreshing and approachable and makes every single character leap off the page. it doesn't pull a single emotional punch (because homer doesn't! and wilson's like "don't look away!")

A Map for the Missing, by Belinda Huijuan Tang

this is one of those books that really comes together as a whole; i didn't know it was going to be a fave until i was finished with it. a chinese immigrant has to go back home to help search for his elderly father, who's gone missing. as he goes, every single thread of his past is tugged on and unravelled and the complexity and depth the narrative achieves is really astounding. the last few pages are an absolute gut-punch.

A Power Unbound, by Freya Marske

purely here for how it redeemed the entire series for me. i'm actually not a big romance person, though i did read more romance than ever this year; i just usually tend to get bored with the same sorts of romance tropes over and over (probably because that's what i read fic to get, not tradpub novels). this one doesn't do anything new or reinvent those tropes or anything, it's just really, really good and engaging and hot. the romance outshines the magic system/plot by far. i'd recommend the series overall, but this one has the best relationship in it AINEC.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries, by Heather Fawcett

why do i always like middle grade authors who pivot to adult books waaay more than YA authors who do the same? like how are they so much better? that's definitely the case here. this is really fun fairy book (i went through a fairy phase over the summer) and packed a surprising emotional punch and a really lovely romance. i think it helped that the main character have major howl and sophie vibes. i'm excited for the sequel to come out in a few weeks!

Slewfoot, by Brom

god this was absolutely horrifying and brutal and also incredible? i actually can't believe this is here because it lost me through some of the worst of the witch trial torture (it goes really hard on it, as a warning, and i almost stopped there. her poor cat :/ i can almost never handle it when a cat dies) but!! i'm glad i stuck through because of the ending, which is phenomenal and makes every other bit of it worth it. the mythology is terrific and terrifying, too.

Small Things Like These, by Claire Keegan

possibly the best novella i've ever read? it just packs an incredible punch; it doesn't waste a single word, every square inch is a devastating look at the magdalene laundries and it doesn't hold back at all. so, so good.

Half a Soul, by Olivia Atwater

i'm so glad i discovered olivia atwater this year! this was during the Fairy Phase and it was just really fun and engaging. again, big howl and sophie vibes (this is such a high compliment from me) and i really love the second book in this series, too. it's just a really fun world to get lost in, and i'm excited to read more from this author this year.

He Who Drowned the World, by Shelley Parker-Chan

i had some problems with this, and i didn't love it as much as the first book, though i actually think most of those problems could've been solved with a third book and a longer runway. really wish this was a trilogy. that being said, this was still incredible. i loved every single narrative thread, there were zero emotional punches pulled, and i still think about these characters all the time. read this series if you haven't!!

[talesandfluff]

best Judy moments in Headless

like Diedrich has just fixed Ichabod’s tie and Judy is like "look at your tie, it’s so straight!" <3

how excited she is when "WE'RE BUSTING OUT OF THE JOINT!!!" she just loves adventure and helping people 😭

WHEN SHE RANDOMLY STEAMROLLS TWO IDIOTS INTO GETTING MARRIED CAUSE MATILDA SAID THEY’RE IN LOVE AND BROM SAYS HE’D LOVE TO MARRY HER SO SHE’S LIKE WELL GUESS WHAT WE’RE DOING TONIGHT BESTIES

also the fact she pulled out a rando old historic map artefact to write the marriage certificate, times are tough there’s huge inflation we don’t have money for brand new paper at the Van tassels we’re making do

when she calls Verla Missy <3 it’s really cute I wish we could see even more of them together, Judy all peppy and cute vs Verla all terrifying, deadpan and also cute

"You’re like Lord Farquaad but worse” lmao queen of clapback

how she ends up supporting the new mayor <3 I hope she doesn't work too many hours balancing her new work at the morgue with mayor-assisting

yeah apparently she works at the morgue now???

"Candygram for Matilda! 🥰 (except instead of candy, it's all the local beheading reports since the town was settled 🤫)"

that lil hand gesture she does in sync with the Horse-her it's so cute

“I spread it everywhere! It’s the theme of the party!” it was a really good theme Judy don’t listen to that old man he’s a murderer

SHE HAS THE LOVELIEST, THICCEST ACCENT EVER I ADORE HER

anyways she’s the love of my life I’m thrilled every second she’s on the screen

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Stealth Strike"

In which, Character Development! and other exciting features.

I mentioned the husband loves Star Wars ships right? This is another one of his favorite episodes, he loooves the Interdictor class.

Always liked this little musical flare at the beginning, already conveys a sense of urgency and danger.

Sato sounds so aggrieved that he has to have Ezra along, lol.

I mean from his perspective Ezra's just an overconfident plucky kid, he hasn't been around Ezra long enough to know how competent the boy is.

Love the staggered Force Theme prelude in the strings there, all broken up and disjointed. Once again Ezra is sensing impending danger.

Still adore the kaleidoscope color effect Rebels uses to mark being forcibly ejected/yanked from hyperspace.

Bbbyyyyyyyy. :((((

Worried Spacefamily be worried.

Hera wisely understands that the best way to infiltrate a top-secret Imperial project is to keep the aliens off the mission lol.

Kanan is being predictably petty about having to work with Rex.

"I sent Ezra... this is the only way." Ouch. I bet Hera is feeling pretty guilty and has thought a lot about this since they learned about it, so you know she's run it through a million times in her head. Probably why Kanan acquiesces to her judgment.

I wanna know the thought process behind the Imps' decision to haul Ezra and Sato in to see Titus. Like, Sato I get, he's the obvious commander of the unit but I wanna know which trooper saw Ezra and was like, "Hmm, he seems Plot Important, I better drag him along too."

Sato still very much Not Impressed with Ezra's posturing.

Hi Brom Titus!

It's hilarious that Ezra's sarcastically used "Jabba the Hutt" so often it's been logged as a known alias of his lololol.

The Giligan Cut between Rex complaining that he'd never wear Stormtrooper armor and Zeb bringing them unconscious troopers to steal the armor from. <3

"I thought it was the same one we used before." LOL. Okay, I gotta stop before I quote every line in this episode.

Can't help it, it's just so fun.

We cut to the shuttle mid-hyperspace and Rex and Kanan are still bickering, but even in the middle of that we get some lovely worried Papa Wolf Kanan hyperfocusing on Ezra as his priority.

I swear it was explained somewhere what the specific codes Rex gives meant but I can't for the life of me remember where now. Pretty sure one of them meant the shuttle was going to explode? Anyway...

Rex seems like he's having just a grand old time. This must feel just like the old days for him.

Lol Kallus getting excited about Ezra's capture and warning Titus "[...]do not underestimate that boy." He knows firsthand how much of a threat and nuisance Ezra can be.

A little variation on the Death Star theme here, kind of appropriate given this is a very similar-feeling kind of infiltration and rescue.

Maybe that's why I like this episode so much, has a lot of A New Hope vibes.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: Chopper's legs jerking as he rolls over the hump in the doorway.

The ANH vibes continue with this turbolift scene, which is just hilarious. From Rex not knowing which button to push to the Imperial officer snarking at our hero duo, it's just... *chef's kiss*

They are a disaster pair and I just love them.

Cut to the troopers that are escorting Ezra to his "secure cell" and I'm sorry, I adore this whole sequence. Ezra being a little hyper-competent badass is my whole jam, okay?

This is so clever. <3333

Ezra makes very short work of his guards, without really hurting them (something that would contrast in S3 after the whole Malachor Loss-Of-Innocence thing) and then immediately shoots his intended rescue party lololol.

I love how smoothly he moves through this whole scene. He's obviously been practicing and of course the Force operates on a principal of "the more at peace and in tune you are with yourself, the greater strength you can channel" so after his whole soul-searching in "Brothers of the Broken Horn" deal he's come to some kind of serenity within himself that lets him be just super awesome here. Love it.

<333333

Chopper immediately rats Ezra out lol.

Kanan reluctant to split up from Ezra, aww.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra raises his hands in aggravation when Kanan and Rex get into it again.

Ezra finally chews the two of them out for all their bickering and takes charge of the mission and you can't even tell me he didn't make Kanan just a smidge proud, with that comment about how, "He takes after Hera sometimes." <3333

No but seriously, fandom of course loves Kanan and Ezra's whole "like my father before me" vibe but let's not forget how it was Hera who first took a shine to him, who saw potential in him, who knew that he wasn't as selfish as he pretended he was, drew out that inner spark of compulsive compassion planted by his parents and has been influencing him on the Rebellion side of things to complement Kanan's Jedi teaching.

Found Family liek woah. :)

Brom Titus looking a little less confident now that the scrawny fifteen-year-old he was specifically cautioned not to underestimate has given them the slip lol.

*cries* He was so TINY!

Very glad Ezra learned binary, it enables hilarious conversations like this.

This is yet another music cue recycled from the Death Star sequence in A New Hope. Like I said, they're really leaning into that this episode.

This little troll I love him so much.

Bit of the "Shenanigans" theme as Chopper rolls up.

Can I just appreciate how well Ezra rolls with blocking shots in zero gravity?

I think Chopper enjoyed all of this a too much lol.

Remember, giving people grief is how Chopper shows affection. :)

Love how they lampshade the terrible vision quality of Stormtrooper helmets.

Sato all ready to square up with this random trooper until he sees it's Kanan.

And his anxious worry over Ezra's welfare is really sweet. Sato does care, he might find Ezra bit aggravating but he's still just a kid in Sato's eyes, someone who was under his protection. (One wonders if Ezra reminds him of Mart a bit.) It's not Sato's fault he's only now learning what a precocious badass Ezra is lol.

This move of Kanan and Rex's is slick.

Lightsaber Naruto run.

I've been told this horn cue is Rex's theme. Makes sense.

Heeeeey remember what I said about Rex's deathseeker tendencies? Yeah.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The drifting smoke in the hallway from the firefight holy cow. Attention to detail.

"I serve the order you put into place, Captain." Ohhhhhh Imma dent his face in.

*hurts in Order 66 feels*

THEY WERE JUST TOOLS TO PALPATINE, THEY HAD A SINGLE PURPOSE AND HE JUST DISCARDED THEM ONCE IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED.

This Hitchcock Zoom with Kanan as if he's sensing Rex's pain. <33333

Character growth! <33333

Ezra one-manning this hallway with Skill and Confidence. <33333

My gosh look how smooth and effortless this is for him. No wonder Sato was impressed.

Nice to see more classic lightsaber positions creeping into the choreography here.

Ezra being all, "OH HECK NO, THERE WILL BE NO SELF-SACRIFICING TODAY!" over the comms. He's very tired of them doing that lol.

The dolly shots this episode are tight.

Aww Ezra still looks really worried tho.

Don't think about him remembering, "I'll take the next one." and "I'll be right behind you."

Aaaaaaaand Chopper just scored the highest body count on the show, lol. (Up until the finale anyway with the Dome explosion and the purrgil-ening.)

My gosh this show even makes total destruction look pretty.

Yeah, getting a top-secret Interdictor prototype imploded is pretty demotion worthy ha ha.

Love how Kallus is basically perfectly fine assigning all of that chaos to Ezra in particular. XD

KANAN SALUTING REX NOT ONLY AS A SIGN OF FINALLY BURYING THE HATCHET BUT ALSO TAKING UP THE MANTLE OF SOLDIER HE WAS SO RELUCTANT TO AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON.

This is one of the best episodes of the season, no joke. It's fun, it brings the nostalgia without being kitschy, it lets Ezra and Sato have a little bit of nice interaction (underrated relationship, fanficers have let me down), it shows how Ezra's developing in combat, it finishes the whole Rex and Kanan animosity plot, and Chopper murders three whole Imperial cruisers effortlessly.

Love it.

[achaotichuman]

Tamlin/Eris Vanserra

Ya'll asked for it, so here it is. The wedding scene for this little one-shot that I wrote for Tamris! Hope you guys like it! @praetorqueenreyna

Six months passed by and they felt like nothing, at the same time, they dragged on forever and ever. Eris stayed the night he and Tamlin finally accepted the bond. When he left the next morning he almost vomited from the separation from his mate. 

It had been agony to leave him in the ruins of Rosehall, but they both knew the next moves for the Court had to be made by Tamlin alone. And they were. 

Finally, things picked up. It took a good while, but Tamlin found old connections from his father’s War Camps, and his brother’s old friends. The ones who hadn’t been in Spring during Amarantha were happy to return with haste. The ones that knew the inner horrors were hesitant. 

Eris had suggested Tamlin organise a hunting trip, just him and his old friends. Just restoring old friendships. It took Eris a bit of mental work to adjust his thinking to what should be done for the Spring Court, since Tamlin governed with such a different hand. He mingled amongst his people and earned their trust by being their friend rather than their ruler. 

It was the complete opposite to what Eris knew, but he worked to understand it. 

After the first three months Tamlin came to Autumn.

It had been a sight to see. 

Eris had been in his office, signing off on paperwork and reading the latest reports from the borders. He may have sent his second-eldest brother on a mission to the border between Spring and Autumn. He told Silas it was because he wanted to know if the security had strengthened over the past few months, but his brother knew him better than that. Silas didn’t say a word, just rolled his eyes and mumbled something about wasting Court resources on his ‘little boyfriend.’

Eris pretended he didn’t hear that. The reports were good, the people living on the borders seemed happy, a group of sentries saw them at the border whilst on their own patrol. 

The High lord of Autumn found himself suppressing a smile at the reports. Things were looking up, finally. 

Then there was a quick rapping against the dark wood of his office door. Without looking up from his papers, Eris called out, “Tell Silas and Brom I won’t be at dinner!” No doubt it was simply a servant reminding him his brothers were impatient. They could dine without him tonight.

“Alright then, you may need to point me in the direction of the dining hall though, I’m unsure of where it is.” A very familiar voice called back. 

Eris was on his feet faster than he could feel his body moving. The reports flew out of his hands to the floor and he quickly crossed the room in fast strides. 

The cold bite of the metal handle was warmed to a new burning temperature by Eris’ fiery hand. His excitement and disbelief causing the control on his powers to slip slightly. When he pulled back the door, Eris nearly stumbled back. 

Tamlin smiled at him from the otherside of the threshold. 

And… Good Mother above and Cauldron on Earth. 

He looked magnificent. 

His skin was brighter, a shade darker from the sun. His eyes had turned a deeper green, like they had flourished with the land. His golden hair had been untangled and fell down his back in golden curls, touching the back of his knees. Flowers and vines were weaved through his hair in tiny braids that fell along his shoulders. There was a smatter of freckles along his face and down his neck, no doubt another consequence of finally getting out in the sunshine. 

Compared to Eris, Tamlin was underdressed, where Eris wore a suit of deep browns, scarlet and gold. Tamlin wore a simply white shirt, green tunic with small gold details, and brown trousers. Though his ears were covered with cuffs and rings. Eris bit down on a smile when he saw the golden jewelry adorning his mates' pointed ears. 

Reaching out a finger, he brushed the tip of a golden stud, “Where did you get these?” “I’ve always had them, just haven't worn them in a while.” Tamlin murmured.

Eris lifted an eyebrow, “The holes didn’t close up?”

Tamlin levelled him with a blank stare, “I am a shapeshifter, Eris.”

The Lord of Autumn clicked his tongue, “Of course.”

Eris looked him up and down again, noting every tiny faded scar, every mark, every detail. Tamlin had thankfully begun to put on some weight, but not nearly enough to make up for what he had lost. That would come with time though, time and patience. 

“I thought I might surprise you.” Tamlin whispered, the tone of his voice made Eris look back to his eyes. He sounded… unsure. Uncertain for what reaction he might get.

Looking into his eyes, Eris saw the rapid blinking, the quickened breathing he was trying to hide, the nervousness in his mate. Nervous for being in a foreign Court so soon after his own fell? Or maybe… 

Nervous for seeing Eris again. 

The Fire Lord licked his lips. It would take time, a lot of time for their relationship to smooth back into what it once was. But he wanted it. He wanted it so, so badly. 

And Tamlin did too, had proved he did. Had promised to continue proving he did. 

It started three months ago, it would continue now. Eris reached out a hand, taking Tamlin’s in his own. He wordlessly led Tamlin further into his office, closing and locking the door behind them. Tamlin eyed it warrily, but he seemed to decide to trust Eris, allowing the Autumn Lord to take him to a lounge. Eris gently pushed him down. 

“Eris?” Tamlin questioned. 

Eris placed his hands on his mate’s shoulders, pushing him into the back of the soft lounge. The High lord of Autumn pressed his forehead against the High lord of Spring. 

“You are still so beautiful, and I don’t understand what I did to have such a perfect mate.” Eris whispered to him. 

Tamlin’s breathing hitched, his face turned a splotchy red. A smile threatened to come out on his lips. Finally the tensions began to ease from his shoulders, he wrapped his arms around Eris’ waist and pulled him down onto the lounge. Tamlin kissed his mate, and Eris kissed him back, tangling his hands into that long, silky blonde hair. 

“I don’t understand how I was ever able to let you go.” Tamlin whispered, “I don’t know how it didn’t kill me to be away from you.”

“I don’t know how it didn’t kill me when I heard you were marrying the Cursebreaker.” Eris told him in between kisses. Their voices turned raspy, gasping in air from the space between their lips. Tamlin bit down on Eris’ bottom lip and his control nearly slipped right through his fingers. 

Eris shoved him down, playfully rough, so Tamlin was lying beneath him. Crawling on top. Tamlin grabbed at his waist, hands moving up and down his back. Eris’ hands ventured over his chest, his lips on any and all exposed skin. Hot lips, hot hands, fire boiled in his veins. Eris pulled on Tamlin’s hair, Tamlin kissed down his neck. Their fingers left bruises in thier wake, but neither cared. Gentle minstrations turned to near violent touching, desperate for more, desperate to remember each part of the other. 

Tamlin’s hands pulled Eris’ shirt out from where it was tucked into his trousers, then his hands went under the fabric. When he felt along the deep scarring, the wounds that would never heal. His touch softened, gently tracing, Eris dropped his head down, breathing hard against the skin of Tamlin’s neck. Overwhemled not just from the touch, but the emotion in the air, the unsaid words, the years of seperation. The bond cried and begged for more, screamed for them to take each other until their bodies wouldn’t let them anymore. But neither Eris or Tamlin satied the need, not as Tamlin felt along the scars that Beron had left behind. A fuck you to Eris, a marking of his that would never leave. Even if everyone else forgot him. Eris never would. 

The High lord of Autumn felt water in his eyes, he gritted his teeth. Nearly snarling. He had been the strongest, the best, the worst in more ways than one. He wouldn’t cry over his past now. Not when everything was going so perfectly. 

“I was a coward.” Tamlin said, “I should’ve torn him to fucking shreds the first day I saw these.”

Eris remembered that day. Remembered it all too well. That sunny afternoon when he and Tamlin had been sparring. Eris had let his guard down, had become far to comfortable. In the sticky heat, when his shirt had clung to his soaked skin, he watched Tamlin throw off his own shirt. In a haze of needing to feel cool air on his too hot skin, sun drunk and laughing, he shucked off his own shirt. 

The Tamlin had looked back over at him and frozen, and Eris had frozen as well. 

“You couldn’t have done anything.” Eris said, whispering against Tamlin’s skin, his voice like a breeze in cool Spring, near unnoticable, barely a sentence. Afriad he would break this spell of niceness. 

Afriad, scared. As if he were some innocent child and not covered in blood like the robes of a Priestess. Like the red that stained him didn’t stop at his hands like gloves, but soaked every inch of his body as if it had rained down on him. 

He had no right to be scared. 

There was a silence, a stillness in the air. It made Eris look back up into his mate’s eyes. 

And oh how they seethed. His lips were still, his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. But his eyes, Eris had never seen anything so terrifying in his life. 

So terrifying to anyone else. 

Exciting to him. 

The danger made his heart beat out of his chest; his flames responded to the fire in his mate’s eyes. The smell of too sweet pollen filled the room. A thunder cracked in the air. But Eris was too forgone to hear it as any more than like the clash of a dish in the kitchens far away. 

Eris opened his mouth to ask Tamlin what was wrong, what was happening. He never got to, because Tamlin placed his hands on the backs of Eris’ thighs and picked him up. Eris nearly gasped, but kept the sound locked in his throat. 

Eris wrapped his arms around Tamlin’s neck. They were the same size, maybe Eris was an inch or two taller, but Tamlin had alwasy been stronger, even like this, even with the malnurishment of the past year. The beast that hid under Tamlin’s skin showed. 

“Tamlin what-” Tamlin shut him up with his mouth, kissing Eris like he was a drowning man and his mate’s mouth was air. 

Eris was too preoccupied to notice what his mate was doing until he was pressed against a wall and Tamlin’s mouth was moving down his neck, whispering something, something he couldn’t hear. 

His eyes had fallen shut, but the sound of rain, the tinge of electricity in the air, and the smell of smoke mixing with pollen made Eris force his eyes open. 

If his mate wasn’t holding him Eris may have stumbled. 

The maids were not going to like them. 

The flames from the fireplace had spread through the room, in the haze of emotion and lack of control Eris’ power had latched onto the first source of fire it found. Flames of red and orange danced over the ground, they didn’t burn a thing, Eris had at least that much control. But they raged in the fireplace, turning the wood that had been there to black cinders. 

And plants crawled everywhere. Eris had a small cactus on one of his shelves, a gift from his second youngest brother Albus. It had overgrown. Taking over the room, dancing with the flames. Vines now wrapped around everything they could touch. Ivy covered the walls. Flowers bloomed from nearly every crevice. 

Every flower was red. 

Red like the blood on their hands. 

Red like the fire dancing in the room. 

Red like their own hearts pounding in their chests. 

The day had been clear before. Now a storm thundered outside, wind ripped through the forests. Lightening forked in the sky, lighting up the world with white electricity. Eris gaped at it all. 

Tamlin smiled against his skin. 

Eris’ surprise turned to a smirk. 

“You going to be my destruction, just look at what you cause me to do.” Eris murmured, but the words were laughing. 

“I do love being a bad influence.” Tamlin replied. 

Eris let out a barking laugh before he grabbed Tamlin’s face and kissed him deeply. When he pulled back he saw Tamlin’s eyes, sparking, alive, grinning. 

Eris returned the look. Embers sparked between them. A burning, raging feeling. 

This was a rage unlike anger. This was a deep need for chaos, for something unexpected and undeniably dangerous. 

Tamlin had been trapped in a cage of his own making. After losing too many, he had resolved to keep everything he had left safe, in doing so he put everyone including himself in a box in a futile attempt to keep it all safe and protected. 

Eris had been trapped by his father. Unable to escape the routine of the life he led, the constant eyes watching every movement, the fear of his own father’s wrath. Eris had kept himself trapped in those memories even after his father’s death. Had never let himself move on from them. 

But now… 

Now they had freedom in their hands. 

Eris was a wildfire that Tamlin didn’t need to protect, he burned everything he touched to cinders. Tamlin was a chaos that ripped him away from the never-ending cycle of the Court. 

“We’re going to burn.” Eris said. 

Tamlin grinned, it was wild, it was free, “We’re going to be the fire, Eris.”

The High lord of Spring kissed his neck, biting playfully, “We’ll burn anything that dares to stop us.”

“We’re going to be dangerous.” Eris gasped out as his head tipped back. 

“And how exciting is that?” Tamlin whispered. 

This was dangerous, this was a pairing that had been driven apart for a reason. Once they officially finilased this, they were going to be a fire that never burned out until they collapsed on themselves. 

It was exciting. Eris didn’t want it. He needed it. 

“If anyone’s going to be the death of me, it is going to be you.” Eris moaned. 

“Ditto,” was all Tamlin said as he took Eris down to the floor, to the bed of flames and roses. 

Another three months passed from that day. 

Now the day had come to announce to the world what Tamlin and Eris were. Announce that they had chosen each other. That they weren’t letting go. 

Just for extra precaution and because it made Tamlin laugh, Eris sent an incredibly snappy and sarcastic letter to Rhysand that neither he or his lackeys were allowed anywhere near Spring or Autumn the day of the weddding. If they were seen, they would not leave with their wings intact. 

Now it was here. 

Eris stood in the forest of Autumn, so close to the border. He knew Tamlin was on the otherside, in Spring. 

The border had been prepared. Decorations and lanterns hung from the trees. The world smelled like rain and smoke and pollen. His brothers had done most of the preperations. His mother had been ecstatic. When told of where the wedding would take place she clapped her hands and said ‘A wonderful joining of two courts!’

Eris agreed with her, this was wonderful. 

He himself was dressed in the equisite robes of Autumn. A suit with a floorlength robes made from Autumn leaves and decorated with swirls of gold. Rings covered his fingers and a crown of burnished gold was atop his hair. 

Eris faced the deep forests of Autumn, breathing in the woody scent, the spices in the air. 

“It’s time, brother.” Eris recognised that voice as Brom’s. The eldest Vanserra turned to see his family standing behind him. 

His brothers all looked at him with their heads bowed ever so slightly, all with slight smiles on their face. 

Only one brother missing. 

His mother stood beside them. She was dressed incredibly well, since heading for Day she had taken to their fashion, but today, today she wore Autumn colours. Eris had asked her an uncountable number of times if she was alright, each time she had told him Autumn had always been her home and that she refused to have ever let Beron take that from her. 

Her dress practically floated along the floor as she walked up to him. Taking his hands in hers, Eris looked down at his dear mother. 

Andrea squeezed his hands, “Eris, my darling boy.”

Eris blinked away the tears in his eyes, refusing to cry, refusing. He told Andrea and his brothers, “You all should go take your seats, the cermony is about to begin.”

Andrea looked over her shoulder to her other sons, all who finally grinned. 

She looked back at Eris and murmured with her grin, a grin that matched all her sons, “I was thinking you and I should take a walk.”

***

Tamlin was so nervous, he was shaking uncontrallably. He had woken up shaking and hadn’t stopped jittering all day. He hated it, but perhaps the serveral cups of coffee he had been exclusivly drinking hadn’t helped either.

“How do you feel?” Alis asked gently, Tamlin was sitting in front of a vanity whilst she braided his hair. It now reached his feet, he refused to cut it, letting it grow and grow. It felt nice having it so long. 

“Like I want to smile uncontrollably and vomit at the same time.” Tamlin told her honestly. 

Alis smiled at his reflection, she smoothed her hands over his shoulders, “He loves you, Tamlin. He loves you so much he waited for you for centuries.”

Tamlin cast his eyes down, guilt tearing through the anxiety and excitment, “I know, but I-”

Alis smacked his head with a brush. Tamlin smacked the brush back, “Ow!”

“Don’t even go there, today is your special day. You have been talking about this for the past six months, I will not let you stress or guilt yourself into backing out.”

Tamlin huffed but was silent. 

Alis had been one of the first to come back, he sent her a letter, an apology. He had rewrote it six times but eventually stuck to just saying everything honestly and with no formalities. Alis had always been there for him, whether it was bruises when he was six or broken bones from his brothers when he was sixteen. 

When she came back Tamlin nearly broke down crying. He told her about Eris, she had been the one and only to know about the bond the first time it snapped into place. She knew it all. When she came back Tamlin hugged her so tightly, he felt her tears that had stained his shirt. 

He would never say the words exchanged that day six months ago. He would never tell another soul, it was just between him and Alis. Alis who had been there more than his biological mother. 

“I’ve missed you, Tam.” She had said. 

“I missed you too, mom.” He told her through broken gasps. 

Alis finished placing flowers and vines into the braids in his hair. She had outdone herself, most of his blonde curls were in fluffy braids, but some curls were allowed to be out and wild. A crown of roses of all sorts of colours adored his head, sitting around the antlers he had shifted. Vines fell down along with his braids and curls like ribbons, tiny pink, orange and blue were weaved in with the braids. 

Tamlin stood up, observing himself in the mirror. A white suit with green and gold accents. Flowers and vines that matched the ones in his hair falling down the long cape behind him. 

He never wore such clothing most of the time, activly avoided it. But today, today was special. 

“One more thing,” Alis said. Then she left the room for a moment, when she returned in her hands was a gold locket with a small blue saphire in the centre. Tamlin furrowed his brow at it. 

“This is something my mother handed down to me and her father to her, and his father to her. Every child in my family is given one for each child they have, a new one is made from a lock of hair and a drop of water. My sister has one for each of my nephews. And I was given this when my mother passed on.”

Then Alis held the locket out to Tamlin, “I am now giving this to you.”

“Alis..” Tamlin breathed, “No, I cannot take that, I do not deserve-”

“You and I may not be blood-related, Tam. But you are still as much a son to me as I was a daughter to my mother. I want you to have this.”

Tamlin had tried his hardest all day not to let the tears that kept appearing in his eyes to not fall. Now they did, now they streamed silently down his face. 

Alis smiled at him, Tamlin sat back down in the chair, allowing the smaller female to clasp the necklace around his neck, after a moemnt of adjusting it. Tamlin looked at it in the mirror. His finger delicately running over the top of the saphire. 

Alis looked as though she wanted to say something but it was choked out with sobs that finally fell. Tamlin quickly took her in his arms, allowing her to cry. 

“Oh I’m going to ruin your beautiful suit.” She cried. 

“That’s fine, mom. It’s okay.” He told her. 

“Mother above.” She murmured, looking up at his face, “Look at how you’ve grown.”

Alis smoothed over his shirt once more, then she shooed him towards the door, wiping tears from her eyes, “Thats enough sentiments now. You’re going to be late! Go! Go! Go!”

He laughed, he laughed long and hard as he rushed out of the room. Heading quickly downstairs. The servants conversing and laughing with each other looked up, some eyes went wide, some jaws dropped, others smiled. Watching as the High Lord rushed outside, Alis not far behind him. 

He felt like a little kid. Tamlin rememberd days spent dreaming about his wedding, when he had no other hope, when his brothers and father made him feel like a wretched thing that they were forced to keep around, he dreamt about this day. 

There was a Spring entourage waiting for him outside. Mostly sentries that had seen him grow up. That he had hired after taking the throne. That he had befriended in the War Camps. They all smiled at him. 

One female, a dark-skinned woman with curly wild brown hair put a hand on his shoulder. Her name was Talia, he met her in the War Camps. She had been one of his best friends back then. 

“Ready, Scrawny?” She asked. 

Tamlin rolled his eyes at the nickname. Bron and Hart, who had come back for the wedding, who he had earned back the trust of, snickered nearby, but both smiled brightly. 

The High lord of Spring nodded, “I’m ready. 

“Wait!” Someone shouted. 

Everyone turned and Tamlin’s mouth dropped open. 

Lucien was sprinting for the group. By the time he reached them, he nearly dropped to his knees, gasping in hoarse breaths. He wheezed as he clutched his knees, attemtping to catch his breath. 

“Luc-” Tamlin started. 

“Just let me-” Lucien wheezed again, forcing himself to take in deep breath, “Just let me catch my breath.”

They all waited, there was a slight awkward silence in the air. Tamlin’s heart thundered in his chest. Finally Lucien stood up straight. Sweat was beading on his brow, but his hair was braided, small flowers were in his hair like they were in everyone elses. He wore a suit, not of Autumn or Day or Night, but of Spring. 

“Lucien.” Tamlin breathed.

Lucien swallowed, then said, “Did you really think I was going to let my best friend get married without me?”

Tamlin laughed but tears fell down his eyes. Gods he had cried too much today. 

“Lucien.” Tamlin cried, nearly jumping into his best friend’s arms. Lucien hugged him tightly. Tamlin said though broken breaths, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you Tam, its been torture.” Lucien cried. 

They stayed there, locked in an embrace, feeling every emotion pilling on top of them. 

Then Bron cleared his throat, “You know, I hate the ruin the moment, but the cermony starts in like two minutes.”

“Shit.” Lucien said, pulling away, “Alright then, we better get moving, um, if I can join-”

“Lucien if you don’t come with us I will cry again and then this day will be ruined.” Tamlin told him. 

“Well then, lets get you married, Tam.” Lucien said with a grin. 

Tamlin stared into his friends eyes, a soft smile on his face. What did he do to ever deserve to see this day. 

“Alright! Enough sappy shit,” Hart said, “Lets go.”

Tamlin laughed, and before he knew, they were winnowing to the Spring and Autumn border. 

They winnowed to spot in the Spring forest where Tamlin couldn’t yet see the full venue, he would stay there until it was time to walk out and see his groom at the altar. Quickly most of his entourage scattered, orders being shouted and people going to their respective places. 

Lucien and Alis stayed beside him. Alis adjusted his collar and the train of flowers behind him, then she kissed his cheek and told him she would be out there watching. 

Tamlin smiled and thanked her, before saying a quick goodbye as she hurried off. 

The High lord of Spring turned to Lucien, laughing from his own anxiety. Lucien hugged him tightly once again, “You’re going to go out there and everything will be okay, Tam.” Lucien told him. 

“I know.” Tamlin whispered, then he pulled away, “You better go find your spot, I have to go out just about now.”

Lucien smiled, the he offered his arm, “I was thinking you and I should take a walk.”

***

A breeze flew through the world, spreading petals of all colours and leaves of Autumn. On the border of Autumn and Spring was an arch. The side sitting on Spring was covered with Autumn foliage, the side sitting on Autumn was covered with Spring flowers. 

Eris smiled as a blindfold of silk was tied around his eyes, only to be taken off when he stood before his to-be-wed. 

He laughed as Silas whispered a joke to ease his anxiety. He bit back tears as his mother took his arm. 

Faeries playing tambourines, drums and fiddles sung around him. Bells rang from the branches of the trees. Singing could be heard from all directions. 

His mother smoothed her hand over his arm. He found himself putting his free hand on her arm, holding onto her tightly, feeling like a small boy again. He felt the bright happy smile on her face when she whispered how much she loved him in his ear. 

He smelled the pollen in the air, and knew they had reached the border. 

He couldn’t wait. 

***

Lucien wrapped the silk blindfold around Tamlin’s eyes. Lucien said something teasing about blindfolds in the bedroom as he did and Tamlin howled with laughter. 

Then Tamlin took Lucien’s arm, and let him led the High lord out to the border. Spring and Autumn faeries alike played songs and sung into the air. Filling the world with their own kind of magic. Turning the world into a sing that played only for Tamlin and Eris. A melody that filled his veins with joy, excitment. 

Tamlin let his head rest on Lucien’s shoulder, “Thank you.”

“You’re my best friend, I love you.” Lucien told him. 

Tamlin was using nearly all his strength to not cry. Lucien would never ever know how much it meant that he was there. That he was the one to walk him down the aisle, when none of his family would have ever done that for him, not even his own mother. 

Tamlin knew they had reached the border when the woody, smokey scent of Autumn blew around his face. 

“Your Prince is here.” Lucien whispered. 

Tamlin chuckled quietly. 

Then Lucien took off the blindfold. 

***

His mother took off the blindfold. 

Eris’ eyes welled with tears. 

Tamlin’s green eyes stared back at him, in just as much awe as his mate. Lucien stood beside him, their arms locked mirroring Eris and Andrea. 

Lucien nodded to Eris, Eris nodded to him. There was something so gentle and kind in his eyes. 

Eris’ mother let go of his arm to hug Tamlin, and Lucien let go of Tamlin to hug Eris. 

Lucien whispered, “If you ever hurt him I will turn you into bubbling, rotting flesh. And if he ever hurts you, I will turn him into bubbling, rotting flesh.”

A laugh was startled from Eris’ throat, he hugged his brother tightly, “Thank you, littlest brother.”

“I love you, Eris.” The words were choked with sobs. 

“I love you, Lucien.” Eris voiced his voice to be quiet so he didn’t choke up with his own tears. He had made it this far without crying, he wasn’t going to start now. 

Lucien and Andrea let go of the two grooms, then quickly hugged the other. Andrea kissed her eldest son’s cheek, “Please the two of you, don’t reduce Prythian to rubble.”

Eris chuckled, “We will try valiently not to.”

***

Andrea’s arms had been warm and kind. Tamlin had nearly cried again, the older female had kissed his cheek and whispered softly, “Do visit Day sometime to see me.”

“Of course.” Tamlin promised his new mother-in-law. 

She had smiled brillantly at him then turned back to his son, and Lucien had hugged him again. 

Then he whispered, “If you hurt him I will turn you into bubbling, rotting flesh. And if he ever hurts you, I will turn him into bubbling, rotting flesh.”

Tamlin laughed into Lucien’s shoulder, “Thank you, Luce.”

Lucien cried silently, “You’re my best friend, Tam.”

“You’re my best friend, Luce.” Tamlin told him. 

The two then pulled away as Andrea and Eris did. Andrea and Lucien gave them one last smile before they moved to the wedding parties on each respective side. Andrea standing beside her other sons, and Lucien beside Alis, Bron and Hart. 

Eris and Tamlin then took each other’s hands. Eris leaned in and whispered, “You look so beautiful.”

Tamlin blushed red, “So do you.”

Eris smirked, but it was quite clear he was holding back tears. 

As the songs began to die out, an Autumn and Spring Priestess each appeared. The Autumn Priestess had green eyes and long brown hair that swept around her feet, she wore red robes. The Spring Priestess had short, super curly hair and brown-doe eyes. They both stood beside each other, a golden book appeared before them both, and their hands shone a golden colour. 

As silence began to take over the world, someone said in a whisper-shout, “Eris! Tamlin! Over here!”

Eris and Tamlin looked over at the sea of people seated. Helion, Vassa and Jurian waved from the crowd. Tamlin and Eris had to stifle the sudden laughs that rose up in their throats, they both discreetly waved.

Then the Priestesses began to speak, their voices loud and clear, ringing through the Faerie world. 

***

Eris didn’t a word the Priestesses said. He was too busy staring at the male that was to be his husband, his mate. 

Tamlin stared back, a loving look in his green eyes. Eris squeezed his hands, Tamlin rubbed his thumbs over the back of Eris’ palms. 

Finally the Autumn Priestess declared, “It is time for the to-be-wed to exchange vows.”

Eris sucked in a breath as Tamlin nodded to them and began, “Eris Vanserra. The day I met you, I thought you were the cockiest, most arrogant male I had ever set eyes upon.”

There was a slight ringing of laughter and Eris rolled his eyes, Tamlin continued, “I didn’t know what to say to you, because what do you say to the General of the Autumn Court armies and the expected Heir of the Court? I thought you would run me into the ground with vocal swords like every other courtier I had met had.”

Tamlin squeezed his hand, “But you didn’t. I don’t know what you saw in me, but you took me outside, you asked to spar. You taught me a trick to get my opponents sword of their hands. And you laughed when I fell into mud, then I kicked your legs and you fell down next to me. You didn’t stop laughing, you just rolled you eyes and flicked dirt on my face.”

Eris remembered that day, had never forgotten it, would never forget it. Tears began to well in his eyes again. No. He blinked them away. 

“What you didn’t know was that was the first time I had smiled in a year, truly smiled. It was the happiest I had felt in what seemed like forever. For a while I…” He paused like wondering if he should say what he was about to, then he did, “For a while I thought I wouldn’t be living in this world much longer, and it was the only thing I looked forward too.”

The world seemed to hold its breath. 

“Then you came along, you with your sarcastic witty retorts. You with your damning smirk and dangerous gaze. You made me feel alive, for the first time in forever, I felt alive next to you. Everything in the world no longer existed, all that mattered was you were there beside me. You never knew it, but Eris you became my reason to keep going, to keep fighting, because I watched as you fought like hell. As you were dealt awful cards but kept playing.”

Tears were in Eris’ eyes, he couldn’t find the will in him to force them away. 

“I loved you the second I laid eyes on you. I would give up all I am to see you smile. I would kill and steal to hold you in my arms. I love you, Eris Vanserra. And I have dreamed of the day I can finally call you mind.”

The Priestess of Spring had tears in her eyes as she looked at Eris, “Now, the High lord of Autumn.”

Eris didn’t look at her, at anyone else besides Tamlin as he said, “I have rewritten these damn vows twenty times because there is not enough time in the world to express how much you mean to me, Tamlin Fairburn.”

Another ring of laughter, tears were falling from the crowds. Eris didn’t hear any of them, he felt like he was just alone with Tamlin, just them. In a void with nothing but each other. That was all he needed. 

“Centuries ago, I remember the day you showed up at my balcony in the Forest House. You appeared on my balcony and knocked on the door. I didn’t hear the tapping, but I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard you yell out, ‘Hey, its cold out here.’”

Snickering ensued, Tamlin bit his bottom lip to stifle his own laugh. 

“I opened the door and there you were. For some stupid reason you weren’t wearing a jacket, I berated you for it, before berating for you sneaking into my room. Then asked in disbelief how you even got through the wards. You told me it was magic, which I later found out meant you had Lucien smuggle you in.”

From behind Tamlin, Eris saw Lucien roll his eyes as he remembered that day as well. Eris continued, “I found out, Lucien expected that you and him would be doing something mischevious and completely against the rules as you both liked to do. Instead you thanked him for getting you past the wards then winnowed to my balcony, which he complained to me incessently about.”

Tamlin laughed, Lucien mumbled with a grin about still being bitter about being stood up like that. 

Eris then said, “What you didn’t know was I was feeling hopeless that day. The days seemed to be getting longer and harder. I couldn’t bare it. It was begining to lose myself to my own feelings of helplessness and grief.”

“I-” Eris had to cut himself off as a sob was ripped from his throat. Everything finally breaking out. 

Tamlin didn’t waste a second, didn’t care for protocal or the eyes watching them. He pulled Eris into a tight hug, rubbing his back and kissing his hair. 

Eris tried to force himself to get it together, but the tears wouldn’t stop. Tamlin whispered, “You’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to feel.”

For some reason that soothed him, those kindly spoken words helped the sobs to slow. Tears still continued to spill uncontrollably from his eyes, but Eris was able to look bak into Tamlin’s eyes and finish, “You’re stupid little gesture that night helped me to remember there was still someone out there. That night you convinced me I was worth fighting for. That all was not lost, that the world wasn’t completely wayward.”

“I love you, Tamlin Fairburn. I love you and I have wanted this day since that night, since the night you snuck into my room and told me you loved me.”

Both had tears running down their faces, and it didn’t stop as the Priestess of Autumn asked for the rings to be brought out. Bron and Silas brought the respective rings, handing them to the grooms. 

A pair of matching golden rings, with an emerald and topaz in the centre of each. Engraved on the inside was Tamlin and Eris’ names. 

There was moment of stillness, of silence as Tamlin slid the ring onto Eris’ finger, and Eris’ onto Tamlin’s. 

It was the Spring Priestess who said, “We now prounce you both, Eris and Tamlin Vanserra. You may seal this matrimony in a k-”

Before she could even get the word ‘kiss’ out. Eris grabbed Tamlin and hauled him into a deep kiss. He let out a surprised noise before returning the passion both their eyes falling closed. 

Cheers and applause erupted through the crowds. Flowers were tossed in the air, the Fairies swarmed the grooms and wrapped them in vines, flowers and ribbons. 

“I love you, Eris Vanserra.” Tamlin told him. 

With tears streaming down his face, Eris said, “I love you, Tamlin Vanserra.”

If the consensus agrees I will write a honeymoon chapter for this.

[modern-inheritance]

Modern Inheritance: Mates (One Word Prompt Story)

Set in that ambiguous time period of MIC's plot where Dras Leona happened in Inheritance but Nasuada wasn't captured and the war kept dragging on.

(A/N: I can't say I'm back, but it is good to be writing again. I don't know where this romance muck came from but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't oddly fond of it. It started as a humor piece and then actually got serious for a bit. This could be considered a follow up to the other one word prompt Wonder. Hope you enjoy!)

Eragon ran his fingers through his hair again, doing his best to comb it back to its normal disarray. 

‘Do I look normal?’ He turned to Saphira, palms out and held away from his body as he did a quick 360 spin. He was pretty sure his clothes were fine, he had stopped by his tent to grab a fresh set but hadn’t been able to find a mirror.

The dragon snorted, an undercurrent of laughter weaving through her voice. ‘Normal? Do you mean to ask if you look like you just had a wild rut with your bodyguard and eternal infatuation for the first time last night?’ Saphira lowered her head and regarded him with one large eye, mirth dancing in the pre-dawn light reflected there.

Eragon felt his ears promptly turn a dark crimson. ‘Could you please stop calling it that?’ He pleaded. ‘It makes it sound so…animalistic. It was more than that, it was….’ The young Rider trailed off, his face heating up as well as memories of the encounter began flitting to the forefront of his mind. ‘I shouldn’t be thinking about it right now. Just…do I look okay?’

Saphira contained her giggles as best she could. She knew what the previous night meant for Eragon, what it meant for his heart and what it meant for them both as a bonded Rider and Dragon. She could feel underneath his nerves that the young man was practically leaping with joy, his heart singing with a completion that had evaded him for so long. Teasing him was fun, especially with how flustered he was in the moment, but she would never leave him without support. Even when letting him squirm was exponentially more entertaining. 

So she cocked her head this way and that, gently nudged him slightly to get a better look, and gave him a cursory sniff. ‘You still smell like sex.’

‘Saphira!’ 

‘Not enough for the elves to detect.’ The dragon assured. After looking him up and down one more time, bobbing her head, Saphira gave him a gentle chuff. ‘You look fine. Very normal.’ 

Eragon let out a sigh of relief he didn’t realize he was holding. ‘Thank you.’ Still a bit nervous, he nodded towards the makeshift pens the Varden had set up to hold their animals. ‘I guess if you want something to eat, now’s the time.’ 

Saphira merely folded her paws over each other and rested her head on the ground. ‘I hunted last night. I will wait for you here.’ She gave him a nudge with a short blast of air from her nostrils, pushing him towards the near empty mess tent. ‘Go on. Be normal.’

He gave her a nervous smile and pushed through the flap, trying to hide the excited shaking of his hands.

Inside the tent was dim, lit only by a few soft lanterns scattered throughout. His elven bodyguards were already arrayed at several tables, eating their breakfasts before dawn as they usually did. The quiet murmur of their voices only paused for a moment when Eragon entered, and then returned to the low mumble of a typical morning. 

Collecting his food from the trays set out by the cooks, Eragon quickly found a seat across Brom and Glenwing at an otherwise empty table. 

“Morning.” He nodded to them both. Just be normal. 

“Good morning, Eragon.” Glen smiled, raising two of his mechanical fingers in greeting. 

Brom just grunted, hunched over his coffee. 

First hurdle crossed. Relieved, the young Rider ducked his head and began attacking his breakfast. Who knew that spending a majority of the night entangled in someone’s arms would be so draining? 

So focused on his meal, Eragon didn’t notice when Glen glanced up and did a sudden double take. Nor when the elf nudged the young man’s father beside him.

Eragon did notice when Brom suddenly choked on his coffee. 

He looked up, concerned, as the old man coughed and banged his chest, face turning red. “Hey, you okay?”

“Totally fine.” Brom wheezed. There was no mistaking it. That was definitely there. Brom was still getting used to being a proper father, no matter the smattering of years that passed since revealing his relation to the boy. He couldn’t tell if he should be proud, worried, or angry. 

Glen just hid his smile with a sip of his tea. Taken them long enough. He was happy for them. 

A few minutes later the tent flap brushed open. Eragon stiffened his muscles, resisting the urge to turn. He knew exactly who had just walked in. They had planned it after all. Don’t show up at the mess together, or too close together. 

“Good morning, sir.” He could hear some of the sleepiness still in her voice as she greeted Blödhgarm as normal, could practically see in his mind's eye the way she tapped her knuckles to her chest in a tired elven salute. “Reporting for duty.”

“Good morning, Arya.” Blödhgarm’s smooth voice remained even. Good. He didn’t notice anything. 

The relief trickling in abruptly halted when Blödhgarm suddenly let out an uncharacteristic choked cough. But that had to be just a coincidence, because Eragon could hear that Arya was already walking by as it happened. Her footsteps stopped though, and he could hear her turn back. 

“You alright?”

Blödhgarm cleared his throat. “Quite. Anything to report?”

Eragon could hear the shrug in her voice. “No. All quiet.” When the fur covered elf didn’t respond beyond a hum, Eragon felt his tensing shoulders slump back to relaxed. Must have been dust or something.

A few moments later Arya put her tray down next to Eragon’s, sitting beside him at the bench. “That was weird.” She frowned, scooping up a bland forkful of tofu scramble. “Did he pick something up the last time the Queen’s scouts came by?”

Eragon shrugged. “Maybe?” He looked to Glen across the table, the medic doing his best to keep a straight face. “Did he talk to you about anything?”

“Uh-uh.” Glen shoved a torn piece of bread into his mouth while mumbling the negative. That would do for now.

Brom, however, sat with his mouth hanging open. He snapped it shut when Arya looked up, but apparently he hadn’t been fast enough.

Arya squinted at him suspiciously. “What’s wrong with you, old man?” 

Caught and flustered, the old Rider opened and closed his mouth a few times. He had known there wasn’t really anyone else who could have left that on his son, but seeing as the woman in front of him with one as well had left him somewhat shellshocked. 

After a few moments of Arya staring at him with a raised eyebrow and his chance catching flies rapidly increasing, Brom managed to sputter, “Any–...Anything you two want to tell us?”

“What?” Arya frowned. Brom reached up and jerkily tapped the side of his head. “What are you–” Her eyes suddenly went wide. “Oh. Oh no.”

Eragon whipped his head around. “Oh no?”

Arya lowered her rapidly blushing face into her hands with a groaned, “We didn’t.” It was more of a plea than a statement. 

“You did.” Brom confirmed. 

“Please tell me we didn’t!”

“You did!” Glenwing laughed.

Eragon looked between the three of them, incredulous. “Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” 

From behind her hands, her head now lowered to the table and her ears turning as dark scarlet as Eragon’s had, Arya half laughed and half mumbled, “We marked each other as mates last night.” 

Still laughing, Glen reached across the table and tugged his former CO’s head to the side. On the tip of her opposite ear Eragon saw a dark bruise, clearly outlining a bite mark. His hand flew up to the tips of his own ears, and with a rapid blush he felt a slight bolt of soreness on his left. 

“Oh.” He looked down at his food. “Well, that’ll do it then.”

The tent filled with soft laughter, and with a jolt Eragon realized it was the other elves. 

“About time!” Yaela called, shaking her head with a smile. “We’ve been waiting.” 

“Seconded on that.” Glen beamed. “Half of us were about to start putting bets on you two.”

Blödhgarm’s sonorous voice cut through the rabble. “As long as this does not affect your duties–” 

“It won’t.” Arya was standing, face still splashed with color but her expression firm. “It never has and it never will. And from all of you!” She pointed menacingly at the other tables where her kind gathered. To Eragon’s surprise, the laughter and jovial attitude died immediately. “Not a word of this leaves this tent. This is our business, so no hint of this goes in any official or unofficial reports. Understood?” 

Blödhgarm cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. The elfling typically followed the loose command structure set since he and the rest of the spellcasters had arrived. This was a bold move, though in truth he had long ago learned to expect those from the Queen’s daughter. 

He nodded. “Understood.”

Arya dropped back onto the bench, leaning against it for support as she looked suddenly drained. “Good.” She rubbed her forehead. “Okay, good. That’s the main thing. Okay.” 

The tent slowly returned to the soft murmur of quiet conversation, though this time a little more hushed. Arya turned back to her food, poking at it with a fork as the other occupants of the table did the same.

“Sorry about that.” Eragon looked over at Arya’s mumble. “I…I got scared for a second. Islanzadí….” She closed her eyes, and took a breath. “I just don’t want someone else telling her.” 

“No one will.” Glen assured. The two across from him looked up. “And I want to say congratulations to you both.”

Brom cleared his throat and set down his coffee mug. “I am…entirely unsure as to what I’m supposed to do in this situation but…” He nodded. “I’m happy for you two as well. Just…be careful.” 

The acceptance of his father instantly sent a broad smile across Eragon’s face. “Thank you.” The wiggly glimmers of excitement had wormed their way back into his chest, making his heart flutter. 

Arya, however, wore a half twisted smirk of trepidation and amusement on her lips. “You’re both going to tease us mercilessly about this, aren’t you?”

‘They’ll have plenty of help with that.’ Saphira’s toothy grin flashed through the minds of the four at the table. 

The elf shook her head with a laugh. “Fine. I guess there’s no avoiding it.” 

Eragon shook his head, and for the entirety of breakfast didn’t lose his smile. 

~~

It wasn’t until after, a few days after in fact, that the young Rider and his original bodyguard had a moment of time alone again. They didn’t spend the time as passionately as they had that night, but instead sat together in Eragon’s tent, letting the quiet drape over them. 

In some ways, Eragon mused, their relationship hadn’t really changed. They had done this before as friends many times, just sitting together in a little piece of solitude away from the war and tumultuous world around them. It had taken time for their shoulders to touch but from that point on they leaned on each other for support, a moment of contact that didn’t signify danger or a brief spark of comfort that would flit away. 

The only difference was that this time Eragon was sprawled out, his head resting in the elf’s lap as she gently combed her fingers through his hair. His own fingertips wandered her side, feeling the muscles beneath shift as she breathed. Occasionally his palm would slide over her hip to lay flat on her back, relishing in the warmth that seeped from her skin to his.

They stayed like that for a time before the young Rider tilted his head upwards. “Arya?”

“Hmm?” She brushed his bangs away from his eyes. He’d probably ask her to help cut his hair again soon. It was getting longer than he usually preferred, the back nearly touching his shoulders.

“What the others noticed before. The marks. What’s it mean?” 

“Oh.” 

Eragon sat up when her hand paused. “You don’t have to–”

“No. No, you should know.” Arya was blushing again, and Eragon couldn’t help the soft laugh that escaped his lips. She had so rarely blushed before, but now, having to explain the base instincts of her race to him had her stomach turning in knots. “Many elves don’t commit to a partner. When they do, it’s…it’s expected to be long term. Like, long term.” She bit her lip, trying to find the best words. “We instinctively marked each other because of the whole…pheromones…thing. And usually that mark means that we’ve committed to each other. Exclusively.”

Eragon frowned slightly. “So...did we essentially get married while having sex?”

Arya laughed at that. “No! But…it just means we’re monogamous. Usually there’d be more talking about it first.” She looked down, her voice dropping. “I…I didn’t mean to lay claim to you like that without asking. I should have asked, and it’s considered practically illegal to do so without asking. I…” She took another deep breath. “I do love you, Eragon. And I also know that you are young, and could have anyone you want. You reciprocated the bite because of instinct, without knowing what it meant, and I shouldn’t have let it get to that point.”

Concerned at the rising distress in her voice, the young Rider slipped his fingers between hers and squeezed her hand. A pang hit him when her grip remained loose. 

“I should have asked you and explained it. And if you want to reject it then we can just heal the marks, you don’t have to be bound by–” 

He was relieved that his lips on hers silenced her. Her fingers immediately found his hair as he leaned into her, his own hand falling to the back of her neck to hold her close. When he pulled back he felt a tingle of pride that Arya was somewhat breathless. 

“Well, if you should have asked….” He murmured, pressing his forehead to hers. “Ask me now.”

“What?” She fumbled, lightly putting a hand to his chest. “Eragon, you don’t have to–”

He shushed her gently, brushing her lower lip with his thumb. “How do I ask then?” He didn’t know why she looked so dumbfounded. He hadn’t exactly kept how much he loved her, how much he had wanted her and wanted her by his side forever, a secret. Worry wormed its way into his mind. What if she didn’t? What if that night was all just pheromones and battlefield friendship being mistaken by biology for genuine love? “I won’t if you don’t want me t–”

“You use my name. You ask if I will be your mate until the sun burns out or our feelings fade the same.” The words tumbled from her mouth in a rush. Her dark eyes looked into his, and for a moment Eragon saw past the rough and tumble exterior, the battered memories and steely conviction, all the things he had thought he had seen through before and he saw something new. She was pleading with him, begging for him to say the words despite the fear that kept sneaking up, the fear of losing him like she had lost so many others and the fear that one day his feelings would fade, that he would turn away from her to find another. 

Eragon met her gaze and gently cupped her face in his hands, nose to nose with the woman he couldn’t even begin to describe how he felt so strongly for. 

“Arya Dröttningu, will you be my mate until the sun burns out or our feelings fade the same?” He smiled softly, his voice that low rumble again. “But mine won’t.”

Arya’s fingers tightened in his hair and she closed her eyes, teeth digging into her lip. The last time she made this claim, the man she held had indeed burned out with the sun. He was buried leagues away, beneath sun dappled pines and with a black morning glory climbing the trunk of his living grave marker. That pain, that ache, the feeling of seeing him fall, it never went away. 

Except when she was with him. Except when she felt Eragon’s arm around her shoulders the last few months, except when he couldn’t help but hug her after losing sight of her on the battlefield, when he looked at her with those dark eyes of his, when he laughed, when he touched her at all and when he slid his wonderful hands across her bare skin that night and stole her breath from her lungs with every damn kiss. It had happened so slowly yet so fast, and even though the pain was still there she could pass it by and know. 

Know that it was okay. Know that Fäolin would have wanted her to have someone again. Know that Eragon was here, and alive, and she’d do everything she could to keep it that way. Know that she was the bodyguard this time, know that he would be safe with her, with Saphira, with Brom, with everyone else and everyone in the Varden was working to keep this one man and his partner of heart and mind alive. 

And the King be damned if he was going to try and take another from her. 

Fuck, she really did love him. And he had made it clear that he loved her. 

She was already saying it, eyes open and locked to his.

“I will. Eragon Bromsson, will you be my mate until the stars burn out or our feelings fade the same?” She slid her hand over his, murmured against his lips, “Mine won’t either.”

“I will.”

When Arya pulled back she was met with one of the most Eragon expressions she had ever seen. He was beaming ear to ear, eyes shining with that childlike light that always had her on the edge of laughter. He was practically shaking with excitement, and suddenly grabbed her hands.

He dropped off the cot and onto one knee, clasping both her hands in his and kissed them, trying to hide the giddy smile. “We’ve done it your way, now I get to do it mine. Arya Dröttningu, will you marry me?”

At that Arya couldn’t help but laugh. He was too much. “I’ve told you, elves don’t marry, you big dope!”

The smile never faded. “Then can I at least get you a ring? I can make them like Roran’s and Katrina’s, we’ll never have to be wondering what part of the warzone we’ve managed to get to again!” Eragon was practically bouncing, and again pressed his lips to her knuckles. “Pleeease?”

Damn it. The way he looked at her from under his bangs, gaze a mixture of pleading puppy and somehow alluring, made it nigh impossible to refuse him. Laughing again, Arya shook her head in disbelief. What had she gotten herself into when falling in love with him? “Fine! Fine. But nothing fancy!”

The bouncing increased. “Can I say we’re married?” Arya’s sharp frown still did little to dissuade his joy. He knew better than that, knew that she didn’t like that kind of personal information being slung around the Varden where any spy could seize on it. “No. Okay. Can I at least tell Roran and Katrina that we’re officially mates?”

Arya sighed, teasingly making it sound as long-suffering as possible. “You can tell Roran and Katrina. Brom and Glen already know, but you can tell them it’s official if you want.”

The elf jumped when Eragon let out an elated whoop and leapt to his feet. “Saphira!” He was out of the tent before Arya could blink, and then back again, grabbing her hand and pulling her out with him. “Saphira, we need to go see Roran and Katrina right now!” 

As Saphira launched them into the sky with a bugle, rippled with her own draconic laughter at her Rider’s joy, Arya just shook her head again and laughed with them. Whatever the hell she had just gotten into, it would certainly be interesting. 

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

Extra Bones

Every time I watch Headless it makes me think about the importance of representation.

Fun lore drop! I have extra bone! It's a bone disorder that results in weird bumps and spurs all over my skeleton. There's only five that you can easily see without an x-ray, but I've been told that there are hundreds in there. Unlike whatever Brom has going on, it is kinda' a big deal (though I'm very lucky to have a super minor strain, most people with my condition spend their childhoods in and out of the hospital). But it still makes me really smile every time Brom talks about his extra bones, cause, like, that's me! :) And the mutant skeleton community gets, like, zero rep.

At the end of the day, my bone disorder is not that important to my identity. It's a big deal when it's a big deal, sure, but the rest of the time I don't think about it much. So the pure spark of joy I get over seeing even such a small part of myself represented onscreen is truly a testament to the power of representation, and how important it is for marginalized identities to be reflected in fictional characters. Like, if I get this excited over Brom's bones, imagine how I feel whenever I see an aspec character.

Just, yay for diverse characters!

(And, on the behalf of the small-but-mighty bone disorder gang, thank you Shipwrecked for Brom Bones. I think about him a lot whenever medical things get scary.)

[feralfrey]

the inheritance cycle is always such a fun and exciting read, until you get to the end, which is abominably AWFUL. as if paolini forgot everything he created and wove throughout the entire story EXCEPT for the ridiculous fate telling (which i’m convinced was influenced by frodo leaving everyone behind in lotr, which made SENSE in lotr because the world was more-so becoming one of men. but the alagaesia was NOT becoming a world of men, in fact, it was becoming MORE magically diverse and conjoined, so it doesn’t make sense for “oh no i’m toooo powerful now” eragon to leave everyone behind). arya a dragon rider?? excellent, yes, that makes so much sense! arya accepting the role of queen while ALSO being a dragon rider?? paolini WHAT that is not at all what the series has been about. saphira spending the whole series devastated about being the only dragon, wanting companionship, wanting eggs, only to find a mate and eragon goes “too bad so sad we actually have to leave hahaha.” nasuada (i love her) and her fear-induced and shady plan to spy on and control all magicians?? eragon: “yeahhhhh no thanks that’s not right buuuuuuut instead of doing anything about it i’ll just… leave.” throughout the entire series eragon is building relationships and becoming wiser and maturing, except suddenly he seems to forget EVERYTHING he’s been through starting at that final duel with murtagh, and the anticlimactic “fight” with galbatorix, from then on it just feels like eragon becomes a shell, so barely recognizable from the boy who trained with brom and oromis and arya and glaedr. also i think islanzadi’s death was poorly written and unnecessary. ahhhhh the ending makes me so angry and disappointed

[askauradonprep]

got any Katrina x Brom Bones as parents hc ?

Ooooh, fun!

Like I said, they were definitely planning on a big family from the jump. They got started pretty quickly. They were excited, sue them.

Brom's the one who started coming up with the nicknames for the kids. After he did the first couple, it only made sense to continue.

Brom's great at playing with them. Although sometimes his ideas of fun end with the kids getting hurt because they rode a bike way too fast downhill or something. Katrina is not amused.

They like to dance with the kids at night. Her dad throws those awesome parties and it's nice to have something fun and less potentially destructive to do. XD

Brom will readily admit the kids get any trouble making from him. He knows. He just tries to teach them not to be malicious in their pranks.

Katrina likes to take them out on picnics.

They're trying to get them into things like music, reading, art, sports - fun things that can also provide enrichment and not just pulling dumb stunts (as much as Brom loves dumb stunts).

Being in Auradon is a big adjustment. The other families around them aren't nearly as big anymore but there's also so much to do. Brom hogs the tv on pro wrestling nights though XD

I think they sometimes end up in awkward spots trying to explain things to the kids, because Katrina LOVES making Brom jealous and Brom KNOWS it.

Those kids are very well dressed at all times, I swear.

[appreciate-your-bones]

sooo… just got done binging Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Story without knowing that it wasn’t over

I am so unwell about every single one of them I am not okay

Brom??? Sir??? I don’t want to marry anyone but I would marry you

Matilda is perfect, as is Ichabod my stuttering KING

I don’t trust Kat or really anyone else in the cast (except for the Babes OF COURSE) but I adore them all too

Also I just started watching Edgar Allen Poe’s Murder Mystery Dinner Party and I am also aggressively attached to all of them (especially Lenore) which is probably a bad idea seeing as how they will all probably be murdered

SO excited for the conclusion of Headless and also about to cry because then no more Headless

Watch it please it’s so good

[enbyleighlines]

Leigh plays Tellius prt 15

It's the final chapter! I had Ike give his speech, because I love it, even if he's clearly uncomfortable giving it. I literally muttered, "you're doing great, sweetie" at this moment.

What a wild time for Ashnard to confess this. I'm surprised Bryce wasn't more upset by this, honestly, considering he was a loyal retainer to the last king for fifteen years. But I suppose it's possible that his loyalty was more for the post, rather than the man himself.

We never do learn much about the previous King of Daein. This amazing post theorizes that Ashnard was perhaps an illegitimate son of the king, which is why he was never mentioned in any talk of succession prior to the "plague" that killed off the rest of the royal family. I really like this theory, because it explains why Ashnard was so obsessed with strength over bloodlines.

I put Soren up against a dragon laguz, and he completely decimated it through a combination of crits and adepts. Then I felt really terrible afterwards, considering that Soren might have indirectly been the cause of him becoming feral, since it's possible that this was one of the dragon laguz that traveled with Rajaion to rescue Almedha and infant Soren.

As expected, Soren capped his magic before even reaching level 20, so I didn't have to use a spirit dust on him. Fantastic job, Soren!

Ilyana reached level 20 not too long afterwards. However, she was unable to cap magic and speed on her own, so I used both a spirit dust and a speedwing for her. Hopefully this makes part 1 of Radiant Dawn just a teensy tiny bit easier.

Unfortunately, Soren and Ilyana were the only two units I was able to get to level 20. I severely overestimated how much exp was available on this map. Even more frustrating, I got Jill all the way to level 19, but then I ran out of enemies to pit her against.

I very nearly got Mist to level 20, too, through using a physics staff to heal Ike. Unfortunately, I forgot to unequip Ike's ragnell and he defeated Ashnard with aether before I could get Mist all the way to level 20.

I unironically love Ashnard's dying words. There's no disappointment, no anger. He's just so happy to meet someone who proves to be a formidable opponent. I suppose he was getting bored. I suppose it makes war less thrilling when you wear invincible armor.

This reveal is sooooooo gooooooooood. I love Ena and Rajaion.

A closer pic of them because man they are too cute.

I wish Rajaion had survived. Unfortunately, they didn't make it very clear that he died, so when I first played this game, I thought he had survived until I played the sequel.

I love this image! So many cute and unique laguz designs.

Ike and Elincia's friendship is so good, so pure.

A moment of silence for my least used characters. Rhys, Volke, and Brom, you are great characters, but I didn't need you, I'm sorry. Sothe, I will see you in the next game.

And that's it! The end progressed too quickly for me to take too many screenshots, but I did record who my top 5 units were:

Jill came in at 5th. No surprise there. I worked really hard, trying to get her to level 20. It's a shame I never did.

Soren was 4th. I'm a little sad he didn't rank higher, but I suppose it makes sense. Once he classed up into a sage, I mainly used him as a healer, since he was such a higher level than everyone else.

Rolf was 3rd. I'm also sad I didn't get him to level 20. He would have been so buffed with those transfer bonuses. Oh, well.

Ilyana was 2nd. Again unsurprising. She lagged behind for a while, but I managed to get her to level 20 with 4 capped stats, so all the extra effort paid off.

And of course Ike was in 1st place.

And that was Path of Radiance! I'm going to take a break to work on my Big Bang fic, but I am excited to get into Radiant Dawn. I wish I had gotten more characters to level 20. So far, I have Ike, Ilyana, Soren, and Ranulf all at level 20. Ike has capped 5 stats, Ilyana and Soren 4, and Ranulf only the 1. Perhaps I should have played on hard, so there would have been more reinforcements. Additionally, I could have farmed several bosses for extra exp.

Oh, well. Overall, I did manage to achieve all 5 of my goals. No one died, Ike and Soren are at an A rank, Ike and Ranulf at a B rank, Soren and Ilyana capped speed, and Ranulf capped strength.

Next time: we meet the Dawn Brigade!

[heatherfield]

Walk Me Home | A “Headless” Fic Chapter Six

Story summary: Brom and Matilda find their relationship status is more complicated than ever after the explosive reveal of a year’s worth of secrets. How do they navigate their way forward when they struggle to know what’s true? And yet, to their friends, some things couldn’t be more obvious. (Explores what happens in between the climax of the finale and the epilogue of “Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Story”.)

Chapter summary: Brom retreats to his home after the funeral to grapple with his own grief while Matilda continues to face her demons—and reunites with her parents.

Chapter Characters/Pairings: Brom and Matilda, mentions of Kat

Rating: Teen

Author’s note: It’s Monday again! I’m pumped that I’m managing to actually post a chapter a week and have a spare chapter ready (even though I’m not nearly ahead as I’d like). I’m even more excited that I’ve been hearing you guys are enjoying this fic!! That makes me so happy. This chapter starts out sad—the first part just kind of happened on its own ‘cause it wasn’t in my general plan—but things will begin to get a bit brighter from here on out. :)

Link: AO3.org

[memories-are-mine]

Bromtilda Stan Account Dropped

I’m gonna be so annoying about bromtilda and y’all are gonna just have to bear with me because i just finished the last episode of headless and boy do i have feelings 

Spoilers for the final episode!  

There’s a moment in the final episode that I keep thinking about, and it’s fleeting, it’s a subtle SECOND of the episode that cuts away as fast as it happens and its right before the reveal that Kat’s pointing the sword at Brom. 

Matilda looks up when Ichabod’s grabbing the head and it’s not like she looks excited or anything, she looks disgusted. She looks upset. She sees what’s happening before Ichabod does and you can look at her face and see that she can’t do this anymore.  it’s kind of visceral and I’ve watched it five or six times now, but you can see on her face that it’s gone too far for her, and it’s all because now Matilda knows Kat’s a killer. 

Before, when they tied up the boys, Matilda could perhaps reasonably assume that Brom wasn’t in as much danger as Ichabod. She hadn’t seen Kat kill anyone then, but at this point Kat’s killed two people in cold blood and she’s getting desperate. Matilda KNOWS, and that’s why she does what she does, she does it because she doesn’t want Brom to get hurt. She does what she does for Brom and I just think that’s adorable. 

That moment when you fall in love with your fake husband enough to dezombify your best friend to protect him <3 <3 <3 and shoutout to sinead for being good at acting! Put her in everything please! 

[badbitch-bookclub]

Week 4 Thoughts on Lost Gods by Gerald Brom

Chapter 66 - Prologue

Britney Smears: So must admit, the middle of the book dragged a bit for me but the ending made it worth it.

Hell No Kitty: I had similar feelings!

Bomb Weasley: What did everyone think of the last section?

Thot Pocket: Very beautiful. I almost cried at the end.

Bomb Weasley: I kinda wished they all died so they could be together in the after life. Also, on a total jerk of a point, isn’t it ironic that her family thought he was terrible and would ruin her life and then he kinda did?

Britney Smears: Truly, poor Trish. He did!!! I’m so happy for Chet and baby though. Trish is truly the one I feel bad for.

Bomb Weasley: It was a little dark for him to have to kill the body of his baby.

Britney Smears: Oh definitely.

Thot Pocket: I feel so fucking bad for all of them. So awful.

Hell No Kitty: I didn't even think about that, but he really did ruin her life.

Thot Pocket: Ana got the best ending imo.

Hell No Kitty: Her ending made me so happy.

Bomb Weasley: I loved that for her, too. And the Joshua in the epilogue, that made me almost tear up.

Thot Pocket: When she was thinking of drowning herself was so beautiful and the words Mary shared with her were the best in the whole book. I’m so glad Joshua got his mama 😭

Bomb Weasley: I was a little confused, could he have found her the whole time? The angel lied about about the key so I assumed he lied to him as well about leaving.

Thot Pocket: Fuck Senoy. Yep. Senoy is a selfish piece of shit and deserved worse than he got.

Britney Smears: I was so mad finding out Senoy kept him from his mom the whole time!

Bomb Weasley: Joshua and the rabbit need a vengeance side story.

Britney Smears: Also a big fan of Gavin. Him and Chet were badasses in the end.

Thot Pocket: Loved how that all played out with them working together. I was right about that, just wrong against who.

Britney Smears: Right! Didn’t you think they’d team up against coach or something?

Thot Pocket: Yep yep!

Bomb Weasley: I did like his change of character it was an interesting story.

Hell No Kitty: I feel like Chet meeting Gavin made him more of a badass.

Thot Pocket: He went from beta to SIGMA MALE. Can I say the thing that is just glaring weird to me is Jerome. Why would he help Lamia and where does bro come from? He just randomly manifests. I thought it was going to turn out Jerome was Senoy or something.

Britney Smears: True!! He was never explained.

Hell No Kitty: I really wanted to get hell in this book. They talked about it so much.

Britney Smears: Right!! They tied it back to the burning man nicely but what about hell lol.

Thot Pocket: Burning man was underwhelming on top of it.

Bomb Weasley: I felt the same.

Thot Pocket: I was hoping for some Dante Inferno the game with a demon battle and escape from hell.

Bomb Weasley: I wish he had to answer for the murder more.

Thot Pocket: Yeah I thought he was going to be running from Hell hounds the whole time, but then they just put a spell over it and it doesn’t matter the rest of the time.

Hell No Kitty: I feel like there was a few things like this in the book where they touched on stuff, could've gone deeper, but didn't to move the story along. Like the games.

Bomb Weasley: I hated that! But it would have been a super long book if he gave more background.

Thot Pocket: I think it should’ve been a series.

Bomb Weasley: That would have been fantastic.

Britney Smears: What was the purpose of the games to the plot again?

Thot Pocket: To honor the gods’ greatest warriors and excite their disciples.

Britney Smears: Oookay n Chet won, no longer a slave and that enabled him to do something after.

Thot Pocket: Yep yep! It gained him the good graces of Veles too.

Hell No Kitty: Oh man, I would love a book about the games.

Thot Pocket: Same. They seemed frightening. Tournament to the ultimate death with gods? Like Record of Ragnarok, but good.

Bomb Weasley: I loved and hated how Veles got healed.

Thot Pocket: Plot coins rather than armor.

Bomb Weasley: The book would have been better if he stayed dead. Or if he’d died.

Thot Pocket: But I was so excited when he started fucking up those guys. I was like “this is exactly why they ambushed him.” I was so happy to finally see god like powers like that.

Britney Smears: Red lady could’ve handled all the demons by herself lol.

Thot Pocket: I JUST THINK VELES IS CUTE AND I LIKE THE DEER BOI lol. I’m biased.

Bomb Weasley: He is! His portrait is my fav in the book. I just prefer sad outcomes in books.

Britney Smears: Veles living makes up for Chet ruining Trish’s life.

Thot Pocket: Well you got your child murder and death. I think that’s like 25 percent sad for the ending lol.

Bomb Weasley: I’ll take what I can get.

Hell No Kitty: Great point hahaha.

Thot Pocket: How fucked up was that ritual Lamia was doing?

Britney Smears: She’s the worst.

Bomb Weasley: It was, I was a little shocked by that tbh. And her running around in the baby.

Hell No Kitty: The way he described the scene was so good.

Bomb Weasley: It was a creepy image. I couldn’t put the book down.

Hell No Kitty: I appreciate how engaging the end was. I really liked the part where chet was being chased by Carlos and Co.

Thot Pocket: I was fucking loving it when he got his head on fire and then blown off.

Bomb Weasley: The whole gun fight was great. I still don’t get guns in the after life it was described so well.

Britney Smears: Did y’all get a western vibe?

Hell No Kitty: Oh yeah.

Britney Smears: Ok good not just me lol I enjoyed it too and normally I don’t like westerns

Thot Pocket: I’m wondering how they have the much of a functioning economy when things only come from with what people are buried with.

Britney Smears: That’s true but they like cut off their hands to pay for things right lol.

Bomb Weasley: That’s a good point. Why do they need anything? Like I get it passes the time. Maybe the author took a bunch of Adderall and wrote.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Eragon (2008)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

My craving for new Star Wars stories has reduced me to looking up knock-offs of the popular franchise. I’ve seen all kinds of stories, but most ended up being simply generic sci-fi/fantasy tales or movies that had a last-minute coating of laser swords, robots and blasters added onto them. What I was looking for was Eragon; a Star Wars rip-off so blatant you could write the script yourself - just remember to substitute “lightsaber” for “dragon” and there you go!

It’s all set in Middle-earth... I mean a world named Alagaësia, home to humans, elves, dragons, and dwarves. Actually, there aren’t many dragons. Years ago, all the wizard/knight dragon riders were betrayed by the evil Galbatorix (John Malkovich), who killed them all and now rules unopposed. Our hero is Luke SkyPotter... I mean Dragon... I mean Eragon (Ed Speleers), a 17-year-old boy who finds a dragon's egg stolen from Galbatorix by Princess Leia, I mean Arya (Sienna Guillory). Eragon and the newly-hatched Saphira (voiced by Rachel Weisz) meet with Obi-Wan Kenobi... I mean Brom (Jeremy Irons), who sets them on a path to save the kingdom.

The comparisons to other franchises are obvious. A Star Wars-like story structure, set in the world of Lord of the Rings, complete with Uruk-hai chasing our hero, ringwraiths, elves, etc., there’s a dash of Harry Potter thrown in with the scar on Eragon’s hand and his spellcasting abilities. I already started poking fun at the movie in my synopsis, but you would too if you'd seen the film. “Alagaësia” is no "Middle-earth", Galbatorix sounds like the name of an anti-depressant, and other wild titles like Durza, Murtagh, Nasuada are all lost upon audience members who have not read the books.

Eragon sounds silly and looks ridiculous. Granted, the dragons and flying monsters are convincing but everywhere else, the word of the day was “cheap”. I feel terrible for Djimon Hounsou as Ajihad, forced to wear a bad wig or a ridiculous hat in every scene. All the costumes look like they’ve been dug out of every generic fantasy setting, or are so wild they make you wince. The armies of Urgals (the orc-like creatures) are just a bunch of dirty barbarians with war paint. If they had horns, yellow-ish gray skin, or their own language or something, then this movie would begin to stand out.

This movie is a mess. Events that should take years take days, none of the characters are interesting, and the world isn't the least bit immersive. Even if you forgive the unoriginal plotline or get past the inherent silliness, the story’s just not well told. Eragon's bad decisions don’t make him look like an overeager youth, they brand him as a colossal fool. The magic is easily recognized as a plot device whose “rules” only apply when the plot demands. It feels like a bad fan-fiction.

Scenes are so badly assembled they become confusing. At one point, Eragon and his mentor see a group of villagers being attacked by Urgals. Eragon exclaims that they need to help them and instead of doing anything, they go off to train. I understand you can't jump into a fight without being prepared, but those people are being killed right now! After the training montage… the people they were training to help are never seen again! I guess Brom or Eragon took too long to get through those lessons? If you're writing a story like this, have the heroes arrive right as the massacre is ending so Eragon can lament that he could have done something and then have Brom tell him that after this training, that statement will be true!

I will give Eragon this. It’s so derivative, so poorly directed/written and so easy to ridicule I’m upset we didn’t get a sequel. I’d love to see another one of these movies! Doesn’t the idea of dragon riders make you excited? Even badly done, it gets your adrenaline flowing. If you want a movie that’s easy to make fun of, and I mean REALLY easy, watch Star Wars to see what a good movie is, and then see Eragon. It’s a trainwreck but one I watch with affection. (Fullscreen version on Dvd, January 1, 2016)