#and boy if that didn't hurt
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Fitz Vacker being a lonely child is just- peak angst for me
#I truly believe he doesn't know how to make friends#He's so used to kids wanting to be his friend because they want to be popular#and he fell for it a few times- before he realized he was just being used#and boy if that didn't hurt#Then there were the kids who were jealous of him#and bitter#and when he won school awards he dreaded walking up on that stage because he knew that nothing ever attained could be 'by his own merit'#there was always a reason as to why he didn't deserve it#how it was just handed to him#his failures were celebrated by people who felt he needed to be knocked down a peg#and his success was spit on by people who believed he didn't deserve it#I'm sick.#I'm sick to my stomach#kotlc
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Jason “my family doesn’t know im alive” Todd and Danny “my family doesn’t know I’m dead” Fenton going alongside each of their plans my beloved. like Danny will absolutely go head-to-head with all of Gotham to support his new best friend on all his crime lord endeavors while he drags Jason to also attend collage with him. They are roommates and there never seems to a mention of family from either side. It’s an unspoken understanding they have. They met because Crime alley as a ghost lair thrummed with so much loneliness, it was at first the perfect place for Danny to hide his ecto signature in. But then he saw the dumbass whose lair it was lean his motorcycle just a tad too much when making a sharp turn to an alley, he sweeped the floor through a lifted chain link that passed his body but not his helmet. Yep that’s right the red thing got stuck. Danny who at the moment happened to be watching through his window snorted. Much to his horror because if not a ghost that dude could’ve gotten his head flung off.
Still, the scene was ridiculous.
On a whim he irrationally sees the police closing in on the guy and panicked at the thought of the guy using intangibility to free himself so Danny phased them both through his apartment wall and left the guy sprawled in his couch. Jason didn’t freak out but that’s normal when one’s got a concussion, one the guy immediately denied having as Danny laid out the medical supplies. The idiot proceeded to almost flatten four steps to the door with his stubbornness. He also said “I’m asexual” in the most deadpan voice as Danny dropped him back in the couch.
Danny sighed. Clearly though, he’d done so too early in the night because the guy kept trying to go, kept trying to knock Danny out, kept trying to slash him with knifes Danny didn’t know he had stashed. He’d only disarmed the guy from his guns. The visible ones apparently, cause at one point the guy did take out a gun and shoot until the ammo ran out and then teetered the thing like it was an art prop and hit his moon lamp.
Danny "yeah you aren’t officially my friend until you’ve tried to kill me" fenton my guys.
Anyways both keep having the same argument over if Danny technically kidnapped Jason or not. Danny holds the fact that the police at least didn’t see the guy make the ridicule. Jason argued that happened cause he was sporting a concussion. Danny argued he got that after.
Jason at first thinks the guy's a meta, but no. Danny introduces himself, sheepily now that he recognizes this is who the lair he invaded is from. He bandages him and tries to cook for him. If Danny didn’t have ice powers he most certainly would’ve burned the apartment. Jason then proceeds to kick him out of his own kitchen and make them both enchiladas. It’s the most normal both had in a while with another person and the air seems oddly settled. From then on, Jason constantly invited himself over, under the pretense that this was his territory and therefore he could drop in unannounced. Danny who has actual powers says he only allows this because Jason cooks very well.
Danny stays away from the crime fighting business unless his buddy is in deep shit he can’t get himself out. Also it’s Danny’s turn to cover for his vigilante friend which Sam and Tucker give him so much shit for. (but also advice)
And they were roommates. (omg) Danny effectively derails Jason’s big comeback plans by casually dropping ghost lore every two days. Like,
Jason, talking about how he doesn’t want Bats snooping on his territory:
Danny: Just don’t let them in
Jason: ??
Danny: yeah!! Hasn’t Batman died and got revived??? You can totally kick out death touched people you don’t want entering on your lair.
Jason: …I can?
Danny: Yep dude, your lair’s supposed to feel safe.
Jason: wait does that mean I can kick you out?
Danny: First this is my apartment. Second, im dead, not dead touched. Third, it’s too late to get rid of me. bitch.
Anyways Jason is super excited. You mean to tell him he can actually deny people over to his territory haunt?? (Yes it’s only to people who have died and came back but still!! The sample size is exactly the type of people he doesn’t want to see—!)
Joker my beloathed can’t step foot in Crime Alley.
(Jason’d feel a lot safer if the clown was dead but the possibility of his murderer turning into a ghost and their little loophole not applying on the clown is too scary to contemplate.)
Anyways, Jason loves experimenting with the power. It can go from simply making people shudder and not want to enter crime Alley to straight up not letting them enter like there’s an invisible wall blocking the way.
Jason because he’s hurt that Bruce never even patrols Crime Alley and also because he’s petty put B under the category of “invisible wall” blacklist. His reasoning is that the man doesn’t even attempt to enter Crime Alley. To him it’s surely just a place shadowed in tragedy. (anyways that’s it’s the place he met Jason)
Ironically, Jason totally forgets that Batman does venture into Crime Alley one day in the whole year. The day he met Jason.
Okay. He didn’t forget at first. The first year Jason remembers cause it was only a few months till then but then the next— Jason forgets that today’s the anniversary of the day’s Bruce’s parents died. He forgets to allow B in when he feels a slight tug and dismiss the feeling that prompts Bruce to investigate because he literally can’t enter Crime Alley. He starts the trialsTM, he scouts on the very edge and sees people the whole day enter and get out and cross with no problem but Bruce can’t.
It’s literally just Bruce.
Time to call Constantine, i guess.
#bat shenanigans ensue#JSJSJS okay so i dont have a well versed timeline of events but two years after utrh who HASNT died of the batfam#cause those are the ones who are gonna go undercover to find what shady shit is this: )#im going with timmy cass and duke#sorry steph i KNOW you have died#the others have plausible deniability from my part#the trio is gonna come down hard on this unsuspecting pair#let's just say constantine just had one spare magical rune for each of them so they'll be able to identify who was powerful enough to do it#and duke found civvie jason. cass found civvie danny and tim also found jason a la squared. in his red hood get up later that night#the only useful photos are from tim's side but anyways since they got three suspects (one suspected to be the other. so really-- two)#they decide to split each other up and tag one each (whoever doesn't get the correct guy loses)#tim calls dibs on the twink. cass rolls her eyes and narrows her eyes at the red hood and duke smirks when he gets to keep his guy#he's not cheating if he didn't protest to getting to have the guy he already saw the aura of. he's sure he is IT#coincidentally duke happens to be the only bat jason doesn't recognize (and vice versa)#meanwhile cass is gonna be the one shadowing red hood which at this point he doesn't kill that much since he has his rules verymuch enforce#he does kill tho#so at some point they're gonna clash but at the start of the investigation no#let them be siblings your honor#big sis cass and her little brother 6'4 jay#and tim finally is gonna be the one to smoothly get himself in the conversation with cryptid roommate civilian danny fenton#genius dumbasses protection club#their first meeting is of course arranged but no less meet cute coffee shop au#anyways jason wants to know why the fuck hes got a bat tagging along with him so out of the blue and also why can't he fucking chase her of#cass is curious about how the red hood's mood constantly changes within her range yet he never attacks her despite his hurt-longing-anger#the boy who doesn't make noise fucking screeches when she sneaks up to him#and duke fucking brings his hands to block the chernobyl reject glow stick sun that's stands next to tim#while tim looks like his whole system is rebooting cause that's jason todd#dp x dc#danny phantom#jason todd
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Thought process as I work on drawing for dark fairy zine: he is bad little fairy = he is wet and angry
#there is much more to it but for now- visually. one must be wet and gnarled and angry (aka handsome)#his lore is based on the 1400s spanish fairy lore that the jewish population made a naming ceremony after (though they didn't believe#in fairies. just wanted a fun naming party from what i've read)#fairy cannae take the name of one who doesn't believe in him though he TRIED his best. and all he managed to do was#break a heart - and his own in the process#a tragedy 4 once (fairy dies. jewish trans boy lives but is sad and ponders the concept / thin line of belief + avodah zarah#and the power / lines / rules of limited belief in strange things- and how they can still hurt you even if you do limit those beliefs#or not believe at all?? isnt it funny when things you don't believe in still end up hurting you#why can't i be a hermit who lives in a stone shack and dispels tales smh
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ZIQI REMEMBERING MIAOMIAO ASKING FOR FLOWERS AND SETTING UP A FLOWER GARDEN TO CONFESS TO HER I CRI SWEET DEMON BOY DESERVES THE WORLD OF GOOD THINGS
— Love Game in Eastern Fantasy 永夜星河 (2024) | EP. 17
#love game in eastern fantasy#永夜星河#yyxh#lgief#lgef#cdrama#cdramaedit#mu sheng#ding yuxi#asiandrama#cdramasource#gosh this is so damn fucking sweet if i didn't see the next ep#he prepped so much#how could he want to hurt miaomiao?!#HE IS SUCH A PURE BOY HE DESERVES SO MUCH#the guide to capturing a black lotus
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regret
#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk#bc skk copium :')#the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died#he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!''#and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao#this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh#deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet#bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close#the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him#and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison#we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs#enough to make fyodor believe he's dead#in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead#knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side#like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human#dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter#and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell#this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :(#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#skk#soukoku#lotus draws
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"The way his father looked at him, he knew... something about him was... off. And he could feel it itching."
Illustration heavily based off The Boy Wonder #1's cover by Juni Ba because I think it might be my favourite comic cover ever??? Also seriously go read The Boy Wonder (2024)!!! There's only 2 issues out right now but they're absolutely phenomenal imo
Alternate Versions:
#this comic already means so much to me :')#the first 2 issues have hurt me in ways I didn't even know were possible#seriously I cannot recommend it enough go read it!!!#frootertooter art#the boy wonder#damain wayne#batman#dc fanart#dc comics#batfam#robin#dc robin#the boy wonder 2024#batman fanart
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Fadel is much more hurt that Style was lying from the start than he was by the actual betrayal. Fadel's hurt comes from the fact that he let himself feel loved, that he let himself imagine that he could be free, and to find out that everything started with a lie, that all the things he loved about Style were manipulation schemed out by his brother and his betraying lover.
It's not about the police or the snitching.
It's about his heart and his love and the knowledge that the audacity and all the ways he fell in love with Style were lies, the heart everyone kept saying he didn't have, the cold heart in his chest that he's trying to push back into that box, the fire that Style lit there turning into choking smoke.
(But it's not a lie and Fadel desperately doesn't want it to be a lie, he wants to rest in the car with Style, he wants to believe that there's something real there... he just can't, not after everything that keeps happening.)
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#stylefadel#fadelstyle#the heart killers series#fadel x style#thai drama#thai series#thai bl#thaibl#asianlgbtqdramas#asian lgbtq dramas#bl series#thai bl series#thai bl drama#bl drama#gmmtv#gmmtv series#gmmtv bl#gmmtv boys#ql series#i really think that the snitching is the least of Fadel's hurts#it's about his heart#the one everyone kept saying he didn't have
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Bill wearing heels I'm begging you.
i'm just letting this over here there ya' got
WATCHOUT, he has heels on.. and guns, but details-
#bill cipher#gravity falls#bill cipher fanart#sketch#doodle#he is a queen#i didn't realize i haven't draw anything on like a week or something#who have 2 guns and look amazing on high heels? exactly.. yung v-#Bill cipher- i'm talking about Bill.. don't hurt me#oh boi#an au where he uses high heels for partying?#like in raromagedon an stuff#idk i'm 'eepy#i don't need to sleep i need to draw MORE#waa#He's worth it
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Would Buddy hurt anyone? Why was Buddy shocked when he hurt Chase with the spear? AND WHY THE COMPLETE DIFFERENCE WITH THE SPEAR AND DEACON WITH THE WOLVES?!?
I GET TO TALK ABOUT BUDDY AND DEACON. AHAHA.
Thank you for the Q <3 I love and respect you, but I am going to bypass the first two questions because I am filled with thoughts on Buddy and Deacon's dynamic. Because I don't know if more people noticed (I'm 100% sure others have noticed) but Buddy and Deacon absolutely parallel each other.
What's Buddy's big motivator, as established by the Dreams By Night episode? To escape Ex Libris. To be free, essentially.
What's Deacon's big motivator, as established by The Book of Deacon? To lead his own story, without his parents controlling everything. To be free, essentially.
Buddy, from the beginning, harps on Chase's lack of preparation. Deacon, from the beginning, gripes about Chase's lack of preparation. Deacon over-prepares, to the point where Chase asks him what different scenes mean and what happens in the story. Something he used to do with Buddy, because both Deacon and Buddy indulge Chase in their explanations.
Deacon gets caught off-guard by Chase's perceptiveness, and Buddy gets caught off-guard by Chase's personality. And Chase might gripe about both, sure, but often about superficial, irrelevant details. Complaining about Deacon always being busy, or complaining about Buddy being pretentious. (Not about things of substance, like Deacon having enough money to attend college AND disliking the experience, or about not even knowing Buddy's name.)
We all laugh about Buddy being paranoid, but Deacon matches him pretty well. Deacon isn't spilling any names. Deacon, like Buddy, understands the necessity for secrets. Who makes the plans to hide Prunella? Who keeps telling Chase not to talk to Buddy about her?
(A thought for another time, but--something about kids of strict parents being sneakier, and something about Deacon always convincing Chase into keeping secrets.)
Deacon's being reasonable, and we know that, because we're listening to his reasoning, and his reasoning is nothing like Buddy's. (Buddy's all "EVERYONE is out for themself," while Deacon is a lot more subtly judging the shirtless Hot Topic wanna-be.) But their ACTIONS match each other.
Are they the same character? lmao absolutely not. They have different experiences, different mentalities, different perspectives. Deacon has a support system, whether financial (parents) or emotional (Bronze) or even social (Chase). Buddy has a bright eyed, stubborn kid who sees a vampire and somehow therapizes him, and sees someone covered in thorns and reciprocates their hug because he knows it was needed.
But how similar they are really shines in the Requiem arc. Deacon and Buddy match the other's barbs seemlessly, and they call out the other with ease. Deacon insults Buddy's fashion sense + teeth, Buddy tricks Deacon into nearly getting mauled by wolves, which is probably an escalation, and Deacon immediately starts plotting a revenge. "When I get my hands on him," he outright says, implying some retaliation, and yet he sees Buddy and Chase wrestling a vampire to the ground and immediately asks "What're we doing?"
He immediately joins them. He has no idea what they're doing or why they're doing it, but they're doing it, so he alas has to ascribe to it. And then you remember that Chase is the one who jumped Vamp, and Buddy ALSO has no idea what they're doing or why they're doing it, but Chase's doing it, so he alas has to ascribe.
They get each other, is what I'm saying. They're foils in methods (Deacon annoys Buddy verbally, Buddy annoys Deacon physically////Deacon chooses to maintain peace via secrecy, Buddy prefers honest communication despite the impacts/////etc etc etc) but they're mirroring the other. They're two beams of light, coming from the same source, going in completely opposite directions.
Buddy hurting Chase risked everything Buddy had gained, all the trust and the companionship and the grossly genuine friendship he gained. The physical pain risked ripping the emotional connection between them. Buddy hurting Deacon DOESN'T rip open anything, because however far Buddy takes things, Deacon's prepared to follow out of annoyance and spite alone. They have the same priorities: keep themselves (+ Chase/others) safe, and humble the other when necessary.
And Buddy has an embarrassing crush or something. everyone point at the idiot and laugh
#cinderella boy#cinderella boy webtoon#chase hollow#stargoth#buddy#buddy cinderella boy#i think if i said anything about Buddy hurting people#the fastpassers would hunt me down#so I will say idk! i think it depends on the situation and how desperate he is#(buddy was shocked by the spear bc he didn't mean to hurt Chase! which is fascinating for so many reasons; our guy is ALL bark)#(and likely doesnt WANT to hurt people so i sense an angsty plot point coming up)#BUT BACK TO BUDDY AND DEACON#You thought i was done??? sit down babes lets talk character design#Deacon is dressed like a standard nerd#And Buddy is originally in all dark clothes and described as gothy#Yet Deacon doesn't really like a lot of stem classes and who can blame him physics needs to die this is a hill ill be buried on#And Buddy LOVES expensive-looking complex outfits and snorts when he laughs and genuinely likes people petting his hair#they look like complete opposite characters#but their character design is only a FACET of who they are#and i stare so pointedly at what i said about both wanting to be free#and how theyre both actively trying to break the mold SOMEONE ELSE put them in#but again#using completely different methods#one is trying to figure out how to break away from his parents without actually causing riffs#and one is trying to figure out how to break away from Ex Libris probably fastpassers figure out the rest idk#whatever made yall lose ur minds in the finale fill in there#long post#again#at this point yall know i cant shut up#anyway THANK YOU FOR THE Q!
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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The Cat Curse - MC Edition
Characters: Sylus x gn!mc (poly lads)
Warnings: Heavy hurt|Some comfort, Semi-canon compliant heart condition, Spoilers for current story release (Small mentions of Sylus bond up to 102 and all of Sylus' currently released content).
Word Count: 4170
Written: 23rd December 2024
Notes: New relationship Sylus/MC-centric but poly LADs (this time with group chat), with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in. Unnamed MC, but using my personal MC's basic appearance and adjusted backstory. I take some liberties with what the game offers me.
Now Playing: Monster, by STARSET
Masterlist
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You've been responding to his messages, Sylus notes, but something's off. He's been away on some inane business trip, ever since you, the doctor, the fish, the prince and he had visited a new kitty cafe opening. He rarely gets to see you visibly excited, you are worse at showing your feelings on your face than he is. Whenever you're faced with animals, of any kind, even Mephisto, your eyes sparkle and you could easily spend hours upon hours sat with them. Even more so if they let you pet them.
The first time you'd seen the evol kitties, according to the doctor, you'd been unsure. They didn't look like cats. Something off and a little wrong, but they mewed at you and straight away you'd gently stroked their noses. As if unable to hold back.
Since then you would drag any of them along to play kitty cards. You didn't like the game, had no patience for strategy, but you did like petting the cats. Sitting there between every round, barely looking at the board, and tickling small whiskers. Much to the fish's distress.
While Sylus doesn't really care if he wins or loses around you, he's almost assured a win when playing with you because it's simply not something you care about. Distracted and unbothered by the game. He's only relieved that when he sprouted ears and a tail (of the caracal kind), you had been just as enamoured with those. Finally smothering him in affection in the same way, and being distracted by his tail. Though he'd never confess to competing with cats, at this point it's just an everyday occurrence.
He found he enjoyed playing most with the doctor, unlike when the man played with you, he took no soft approach with Sylus, and it was fun to butt heads with him. Stubborn as they both could be. That left you to lean your head on the fish's lap, the prince asleep against your side already, and play with cats, to a backdrop of 'You're cheating', 'I'm simply better at this than you.', 'If you would stop getting distracted-' that you mostly blocked out.
Rounds later, he paid the bill before anyone else got chance to, and picked up some cakes to take back.
Then he'd had his business trip to attend, having moved things around so on your rare day off, you could see everyone. It was never fun to drop you off, Sylus missed you anytime he could not see you, and though he was prideful, he had been honest about not being able to sleep without the sound of your voice. A confession you'd flushed at and tugged at one of the straps of your prosthetic.
He'd watched you waver over how to respond, biting at your lip, and fidgeting, as you fought against your urge to run away from him.
Trying didn't come easy, you'd told him. Honesty and openness, it got even harder when you'd lost your family, it got easier with every day you were given room to breathe by all of them, and every friend you held dear to your 'broken' heart. He didn't want to dig, or poke at old wounds, not now you were trying to live... but he often saw too much of himself in you.
Whether it was because of the way you'd grown up, or his soul inside of you, it made him even more careful and aware of offering you what you offered him.
"I'll miss you too, Sy. Call me, alright?" Your finally settled on, cool metal hand taking his in yours and squeezing. Before he'd left you, reluctant and complaining, he'd pressed kisses over your face, down your neck, and finally pushed you to the wall of your apartment building, to steal all the air from your lungs. Thigh holding you up, as he tangled his hands in your hair.
When he'd tried to pull away, he couldn't quite, leaning back in once, twice, three times, chasing the warmth of your mouth. Over and over.
You'd laughed, pushing him back to breathe, gasping, "It's a week. We'll be fine for a week."
A week... you aren't possessive enough, he thinks, spinning his pen in his hand. Half listening to Luke and Kieran talk. He feels as though he's emptied and lost, missing parts of what makes him who he is, and your messages feel... the same.
He could be reading into it... you're not exactly one to put your heart on your sleeve, or cling. You're independent because you've had to be, and he still hasn't had enough time to get you to lean all of your weight on him.
So he sends a message into the group chat without you, made in order to plan surprises or outings.
🐦���⬛: Is everything ok back home?
⛄️: Aren't you busy?
🐦⬛: I'm taking a break.
They don't have to know he's tuning out his business partners, hoping they'll talk themselves out so he can leave.
🐠: lucky, some of us have r busy
🐠: [Attached photo]
🐦⬛: Please tell me that's not paint on my walnut table.
🐠: won't answer u then
⭐️: looks more colourful now
He rubs the space between his eyes, already dreading returning to the mess, and regretting letting the fish use his space for storing work while his studio is being fumigated. The partners at the table tense at his action, but he doesn't bother sparing them a glance, so they relax and resume talking.
🐦⬛: Is anyone going to answer my question?
⛄️: Is there a reason you're asking?
He hesitates, it's just a feeling, if he worries everyone, and it's nothing...
No, he didn't get this far by not trusting his instincts.
🐦⬛: Kitten's messages have felt off.
Two exclamation reactions are his instant response, the fish and prince. They start to type, then stop, then start again.
🐠: what way?
⭐️: have U called them?
⛄️: Calm down, they took some time off work because of a cold.
🐠: y didn't anyone tell us?
⛄️: I thought they would have asked Tara to contact you, or contacted you themselves?
🐦⬛: They didn't.
⭐️: ive been on mission for a couple of days, i can stop in tomorrow when its over
He puts his phone down too forcefully and looks at the room. He's... irritated. Not like he normally is when it comes to you, a childish way where he can't have enough as he likes from you. Like you're a toy he cannot stop playing with. He's almost angry, but mostly sad.
He's been patient, surely you can at least talk to him if you feel sick?
Sylus is done with this trip, he's bored of listening to people talk nonsense, and he has no need for anything they have to offer. "We're done here, Luke. Kieran."
Waving his hand absently and ignoring protests behind him, he leaves the room, phone in hand.
🐦⬛: I'm coming back now.
-------------
Jenna had sent you home, it's not the first time she has. You're terrified one day she'll get bored of having to keep track of your health. Or you'll really let her down, and get you... or more importantly someone else, hurt.
It's probably not a normal mindset to worry so much about what your boss thinks, or to fear disappointing them like they're your parent.
It's not like you have parents to know what's that like... but gran's disappointment every time you got into fights growing up... well it was enough.
Caleb used to cover for you, within reason. He lectured you, told you to pull yourself up and figure it out. That fighting every battle against every jerk you met, reckless and stupid, would get you killed. "Come on pipsqueak, use that energy for something better. Something worthwhile."
So many reasons you didn't want to or couldn't, you wanted to tell him... a hand clenched over your chest.
You were so tired of disappointing them both though, so tired of seeing worn eyes tending to cuts and bruises. Bandaging your back, or fixing the set of your arm.
Being a hunter was that answer. If you used what little life you had in you, unsure when your busted up heart would give out finally, then you could greet Caleb and Gran with pride. Your life was a tool, to make others better.
So every day you weren't working, felt like a day you were failing them... failing to be worth anything other than the core in your chest. A vessel with no purpose or value but to hold something you hated. That could kill you.
It wasn't like you could work like this though... you'd laughed at your partners when they'd sprouted ears and tails. Especially Raffy, he'd been so disgruntled at the fate that had befallen him. This was... probably karma. Pointed, soft ears on top of your head, pinned back against your skull. Pristine white, so they at least blended into your hair.
At your back, a bristled tail, huge and furry... already having picked up some dirt to sully what had been pure white.
It hadn't settled since it had appeared, and you wondered what that said about you...
Fucked up mess. Stupid fool. Useless.
Too loud, everything was too loud. You could hear your neighbours through the walls, all the cars below your apartment, every child crying, dog barking, cat mewling.
It hurts.
You covered your ears with your hand, but noise filtered in through the new set you'd acquired.
Hurts.
You'd grown accustomed to the state of your heart. If you don't pay attention you can miss something, and you care now... perhaps you always did, just too raw like an open wound to let yourself.
It's racing and panicked. You don't need your hunter's watch to know it's too fast.
Burying yourself into your bed, you cover your head with the duvet, grab at your headphones to shove them into your ears, turning them as loud as they can go, and bury your head under the pillows.
Your phone buzzes at your side, and you don't want to touch it. Scared to leave the cocoon you've built for yourself.
You'd begged Tara to tell Zayne you were sick with a cold, that you would be fine soon. She'd given you a heartbroken look that had made you bristle further, pity. Always pity.
You didn't want pity.
Before your fraying emotions could get the best of you, you'd fled the hunters association, hood up over your head and run home.
You can feel your tail trembling, struggling to swish under the blanket as you struggle to calm down, to at least get some sleep.
Maybe if you sleep it will go away.
Maybe when you wake up you'll feel better.
Useful.
Worth having around.
Not on the cusp of disappearing with nothing to show for yourself.
-----
When you'd woken up, tail still bristled, and newly acquired fangs digging into your bottom lip. Blood staining the bedsheet, you'd finally fished your phone out from your nest.
3am.
The world was quieter for it, and you wondered if this was part of why Sylus preferred the night to day.
You didn't remove your headphones, but you did finally open up your messaging app, seeing messages from everyone.
TaraTara💖: I hope you're ok bestie, if you need anything let me know.
Number One Lumiere Fan: Tara said you were sick, if you have time, I have a few shows you could watch to waste time. Only one is about Lumiere! Promise!
Simone (the one whose guns explode): Hey! Tara said you weren't doing so hot, if you want some company for a movie night, I make the best soup you'll ever have!
Captain: Remember to actually get some rest, take advantage of the break, alright? Everything will be fine here.
🐠cute fishie 🐠: hey cutie, wat do u think?
🐠cute fishie🐠: [Attached Image]
⭐️little star⭐️: missions going well, how are U?
⛄️sweet snowman⛄️: Tara said you're sick, I'll come over to check on you as soon as I can. Make sure you eat and drink.
🐦⬛pretty bird🐦⬛: Meetings are always more boring without you kitten, I hope you're missing me as much.
Your tail settles, curling against your side, fur flattening and you try really hard not to cry. You wish you'd thanked Tara when you left instead of fleeing, overstimulated and hurting.
Wounded like the cat you're teasingly referred to as. Feral and ready to hiss and scratch. You've spent so many years shutting people out.
Shutting Gran and Caleb out.
Shutting them out you wasted so much time until it was too late.
Why can't you learn?
You force yourself to respond, trying to sound as much yourself as you can... it's unnerving, to wear a mask over a mask. You wonder if you'll ever recognise your reflection.
You hesitate as you go to respond to your partners. You should tell them, reaching up to roughly pull the ears on your head. They'd understand, they've been where you are. Your brain says you should go to the kitty cafe, find out how to fix it this time around... but being out there, in the noise...
Instead you send some version of you're fine, and things are fine, everything is good. You're good.
You're together. You're useful. You're not a burden.
You aren't fragile and sick and useless.
You are worth keeping around, even when your heart picks up speed again, beating so hard against your chest that you fear the core wants to escape its fleshy vessel.
The straps attaching your prosthetic are digging into your skin, rubbing it raw, but you ache to even try to remove it. Fighting with the buckles and biting at the bit. You're still in your uniform, and you're sure by now you need a shower. The idea of water shooting a shot of anxiety straight into your chest, flaring up your tail, and your ears flatten as far as they can.
No water...
Maybe later.
Or you can really fill out how shit you feel with a wet wipe bath.
Caleb would kill you.
You don't want to think about it anymore. You want to let the quiet take over, or reasonably so with the screamo in your ears. Blasting the noise outside into nothing.
So you go back to sleep. Easing the pain in your heart with the only sure fire way.
---------
You can't breathe. You can't breathe.
Bolt upright in bed, hissing through your teeth, chest so tight you can feel your ribs.
You flounder, pulling at where your straps should be, but they're gone, no leather under your fingers. So you move to claw at your chest with one hand, gasping.
Hands grab you, and you struggle and you fight and you hiss. Fangs out, feral and ready to claw your way free. Arms far stronger than you pull you against a warm chest, tilt your head back and pills are placed in your mouth. You try to spit them out but a hand is on your throat, rubbing at your larynx. You swallow and then water follows it.
You splutter and cough, and you wriggle and struggle. Your head is pressed against skin, and you sink your fangs in.
Out. Out. Out.
"It's alright, you're alright, I'm here."
Blood fills your mouth and his scent surrounds you and you shiver. Blinking as your heart medication begins to do its job, easing the fractured organ in your chest. You spit, trying to clear your mouth of the taste of metal, shivering and shaking but your chest isn't constricting you now.
"Sy-" You cry outloud, he holds you, not bothered by the blood tricking down his shoulder. Of course he isn't, he heals it, the pain nothing in comparison to watching you choke on air you can't breathe. "Sorry. Sorry." You mumble against his skin, licking where you bit, crying and shaking. Wrapping your arm around his neck.
He assures you, and he rocks you both in his arms, rubbing your back and running a hand through your hair. Careful around your ears, not going far enough down to touch your bristled tail.
He hums and he rocks, and he squeezes you tight enough to ground you.
It's an hour or two later when you can finally feel any semblance of stable. You can't bring yourself to look at Sylus, he's stroking your cheek and wiping tears from your face, and all you can do is stare at the bed. You can't think of what to say.
You didn't take your medication, you hurt him... it's not the first time, but when this happened with Caleb you didn't have a cats' fangs.
Between you opening up and me prying, I prefer the former. He'd told you, after a terrible day, listing every way he would support you.
With all your sharp edge, you place your hand over his on your cheek, "I'm sorry, Sy."
He huffs, turning you in his arms so you're facing each other, but his one hand grips your hip, sturdy. Solid, strong. He doesn't hurt, but escaping would be hard. You try hard not to.
Though you can feel the... your tail swishing.
He looks at it, at your ears, then at you, red nosed and disheveled.
"Explain."
It's a command, brooking little argument, and though normally you'd refuse to take orders, you duck your head now. Avoiding molten eyes and seeking out something to focus on. The hand that was on your head, stretches out in between you both, palm up, and you take it quickly. Toying with his fingers, squeezing it in your own. Finding connection in your hand on his.
"Jenna sent me home, my evol doesn't work, I can't fight. I... it hurt. Everything's so loud."
You can't see it as he frowns, as your ears prick, then settle, seeking out all the things that hurt them. "I went to sleep, thought it would make this go away, but it didn't."
"Why didn't you tell me?" You hear it then, the pain, like he's biting down on glass. Your eyes dart up and his eyes are glassy, warm red gone dull. "You left your prosthetic on. It was rubbing your skin raw at the angle you were sleeping. There was blood on your sheets." He presses his forehead to yours and breathes you in, "Then this. Why didn't you tell me?" His voice cracks, and you want to be sick.
You twine your fingers with his and choke on the words, "I didn't want to be a bother."
He hisses, his grip on your hand almost hurts, but you probably deserve so much worse. You lied to him, to them, and you hurt him. More than just biting at him.
"You need to tell me. No matter what. No matter what I'm doing, beloved. No matter the issue." He kisses your forehead, over and over and over again. "Promise me."
You nod, and curl your pinky around his, just like you used to with Caleb when he made you promise to come to him with an injury. The words are too stuck in your throat, your voice too sore to use, but you nod. Desperately.
"You're not a burden to be carried, kitten. Ever. Do you understand?"
You don't. You want to, but it's hard. There is no part of you that feels easy or fun, but you do love him. So much. More than you thought yourself capable of. More than you wanted, on borrowed time.
"I'll try." You promise, and it feels like you've cycled back around to the start. Promising to figure things out at home, promising to aim for something. A future you're not sure you're going to ever see.
He takes it in earnest, you do not go back on your word. You are loyal and once you trust, you trust with your heart and your soul. It is yourself you do not trust.
Instead he eases you back into his lap and stands, you flinch and release his hand to grab his neck with your hand. "You need to be cleaned up, I'll help." You go to tell him no because it's water, and you're more a cat than even he teases you for, but you have your head in his neck at this angle, and his scent is so strong. Your tail flattens and begins to flick, lazy and soothed. You hear him chuckle, vibrating through his chest and through yours. "I'm not going anywhere."
-----------
Sylus eases you through steps. He's seen you injured, he's seen you with phantom pains, and he's watched you battle nightmares. Wanderers with swords through your chest, your heart stopping, an explosion you can't stop. He knows what you look like when wounded, he also knows that you fear his reaction when you are.
It takes time to heal wounds, he knows that intimately. You'd never shed your rage or anger, not really. When someone has made mention of gods you'd scoffed, when someone has talked about EVER and their many plans to help humanity, you'd snarled. You trust no king, no god, no corporation to fix the world or the people in it. He knows you're always scared but you keep walking forwards anyway, and he admires and loves you for it.
He just wishes you'd take his hand when that happens.
He has not felt fear like seeing your heart failing you in his arms before, and no matter the violence of your struggle, he would let you rip him to pieces to survive.
He has so much time, and his greatest fear is losing you too soon.
He cleans, and he dries, brushing hair and rubbing lotion to ease the burns on your skin. He helps you dress, finding clothes that don't irritate your tail, because at least he is intimately familiar with that, and then he sits you down on the couch with vegetable soup. Not handmade, though he'd rather have done so. He doesn't want to leave you alone, so he orders what he needs. Sending the twins running around. He's sure you'd like to see them, but he's worried their exuberance will agitate the overstimulation you're combatting.
Watching your ears flick this way and that, picking up too much. As though you don't already struggle with the world's input.
He almost feeds you, wanting to heal you with his own hands, like he's anything like the doctor... he's not. His skills are in bloodshed, and he is as sharp edged as you are.
Except you have made yourself a weapon, to be worth the pain, and he was made a weapon, to survive the pain.
He does not move far away, however, kneeling at your feet, and massaging your calves while you eat. You try to pull your legs away, but he keeps them held, and continues his movements. You have soothed his body before, stitched his wounds, kissed where his scars would be, and he will not have you lacking his own love and affection.
A dragon does not love lightly. Though you don't remember the depths he has gone to for you. This is an easy act of devotion.
"You need to tell them too." He finally speaks, as you clear your bowl. He's relieved to see your ears are no longer flat, your tail is not bristled, you are as relaxed as you can be. You nod, guilt written in your face, and he retrieves your phone for you on black and red mist.
Sitting at your side, he grabs your brush and begins to brush your tail. You almost leap into the air, startled and dropping your phone onto the couch cushions. "Sy!"
"Cat fur can get tangled, especially long fur." He smirks, pulling you closer, and brushing through it with long fingers, "So let me take care of it."
You flinch at the contact, stare at where his hand is in the new found attachment, then keeping your eyes trained on your phone, you nod.
He's content to let you write out what you need to, to be honest with the others, he doesn't want to have that job. It's your mission to step out of your self made cage. So he brushes quietly, the twitching tail in his hands restless, but soon as soft as you can be in your relaxed moments.
Your head hits his shoulder, ears twitching in sleep as all the pent up energy and stress escapes you. Held in long white furs in a small brush. You mutter in your sleep, words he can't understand, and whistle through your nose, little noises that make him laugh.
The best, however, is the purring in the back of your throat, broken up by sleep, and the tail that has found its way around his wrist.
He does not move you, but he retrieves a blanket and holds you against him, cheek pressed to the top of your head, against your fur ears, and keeps watch while you finally find some peace.
⛄️: Are they alright?
🐦⬛: They will be.
#wonder writes#love and deepspace#sylus#reader x sylus#sylus x mc#lads x mc#lads x reader#sylus x reader#lads#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#this was meant ot be cute and fun to write... it ended up being very venty and i just yeeted it out into the world so godspeed.#mc is a feral cat and so is sylus#one is more feral than the other and no its not the dragon#i might just end up doing so many fake texts just for this group chat#the idea of the boys specific group chat where raffy and sylus actively try to torment each other#while xavier mostly watches but occasionally drops a bomb#and zayne has it muted unless mc's name comes up...#quick notes - mc's heart condition has no cure the medication is to keep it running hence why zayne is so determined to study the heart#they also lost their arm in a wanderer attack. and have nightmares about the chronorift event#after being told their heart couldn't be fixed they basically went out and started fights they had generally good reasons to help someone#but they got hurt a lot and had to be taken care of a lot. caleb suggested they become a hunter in order to put something good in the world#they have a lot of anger over their situation and over what they've learned about gran and the loss of their family#they also have that age ol' chronic illness and disabled fear of being too much for people... it do be like that#i might do a less heartbreaking part two... i really didn't mean to do this.. cries but its out my system... kinda...
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He is the prettiest thing I've ever seen in my entire life, I'm never getting over it
#no i didn't say that for each and every one of my babygirls#if evil why gorgeous boy with golden skin and pretty blue eyes and curly locks#if evil why looks like a (fallen) angel#did it hurt when you fell to mustafar lava beautiful ?#i guess it did sorry too soon ?#anakin skywalker#star wars anakin#revenge of the sith#star wars
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i already wrote up a whole essaypost about the dynamic for these two but it's funnier to summarize it like this. also it's the only way youre gonna see anything resembling fp getting closure abt any of this :^) [x]
#pizza tower#fake peppino#pizzahead#for the record i do think the frog stuff was on accident though#they kind of just kept being frogs. and nobody could figure out why or how to get them to not be frogs#and pizzahead was like well! i guess it's not hurting anything!#and he's certainly not telling anyone ELSE it was unintentional. of course we know what we're doing.#anyway for my own purposes this conversation didn't actually happen. they never really talked At All let along abt anything important#fp still has all these same questions ofc. just never got answers for them. he doesnt get to know. suffer boy#pizzaposting#off-art
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Wade went from calling Logan "the worst Wolverine" to calling him "the best Wolverine". I'm so weak
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#it physically hurt me every time someone called him that he's such a baby boy he didn't deserve that#yeah I'm still obsessed with this movie what else is new#Deadpool and Wolverine#Deadpool & wolverine#Deadpool#wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#poolverine#wade x logan
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totally don't imagine little Aegon, maybe 7 or 8, playing with his toys while Sunfyre watched on, pouncing on castles carved from stone and gnaws on little wooden soldiers.
don't imagine him play-fighting with his boy. Aegon and his training sword fighting against the merciless beast that is his little golden fledgling, gently attacking playful claws and flapping wings and nipping beak, parrying when the dragon gets too close. or Sunfyre finally tackling his boy, mocking dragonfire when he screeches in his face, before nuzzling his boys cheek.
don't imagine them curling up in the sun, out in the grass or in a windowsill. Sunfyre spreading his wings over his boy to bask in the light, burying his face in the warmth of the crook of Aegon's neck.
don't imagine the hatchling perching on his bonded's shoulder. don't imagine Aegon sneaking to see him when he was sad or angry. don't imagine Sunfyre crying out in distress, restless in his den when he could feel Aegon's distress but could not get to him
don't imagine the fledgling finding his way to Aegon's window, sneaking in and curling up next to the boy as he laid drunk and miserable, coping as he wrapped around him. don't imagine him perching on the roof of Aegon's chambers, crying to him when he got too big to enter.
don't imagine his sweet little chirps and songs. don't imagine Aegon's little giggles and chuckles. don't imagine the nuzzling of white hair or the scratching. don't imagine them being happy
#they were both children once. innocent and and sweet. not yet tainted by the world around them.#and while Sunfyre held onto the light and kindness in him. a good and loyal dragon till the end of his days#the same cannot be said of Aegon#but at one point they were just a babe and a hatchling#they played with toy soldiers and cuddled with one another#they grew beside each other#Sunfyre was the light of Aegon's life and always had been#they had been *good*#||#Aegon's innocence and infancy is an aspect of him I find so interesting and I find its best explored through is dynamic with Sunfyre#Aegon was not always a monster. he was not always a cruel man who took what didn't belong to him. he was not always a sleezy drunk#and that line between good and bad. innocent and unforgivable. boy and monster#and its best explored via Sunfyre because Sunfyre never stopped loving him. he never stopped loving Sunfyre. their bond was never tainted-#by time or age like everything else in his life#you can truly see what Aegon once was vs what he became brought into clear contrast when you look at him snd Sunfyre#its so interesting and heartbreaking and makes Aegon's character hold so much weight#it makes the weight of what he became so much more discomforting and hurtful#aegon ii#aegon ii targaryen#aegon targaryen#aegon the elder#hotd aegon#sunfyre#Sunfyre hotd#hotd
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Just remembered all the money The Duffers threw away for 5 years on marketing Byler knowing damn well hardly anybody cared and not paying a cent for Milkvan content, merch, photoshoots, anything.
How could it be queerbaiting? They didn't even have to advertise them pre-season 4 but they said "no, we're gonna move money from our budget towards a 2017 photoshoot and AWAY from other important things on our budgeting list. Noah, tweet that they definitely aren't gay."
Like really just maximized story telling. We don't want you to know until we want you know but we're gonna subliminally open your mind to it. And somebody saw "they def aren't gay" and went "hm I'd never thought of them as gay before...honestly kinda good idea ngl".
For the Duffers to not make Byler happen would be inherently and exclusively malicious, a malice intended from the beginning. There weren't even enough people in 2017 to actually queerbait. Because there weren't enough to make money off of. The marketing tells us it was planned from long before people were on board. So either they planned to tell Mike and Will's love story or they planned to snub queer viewers for the sake of it, willing to make financial sacrifice to do so, both by investing in something people weren't buying and NOT INVESTING in something people WANTED TO BUY (milkvan content and merch) in order to convert people away from Milkvan and to Byler to also maximize the damage they were spending their money to create.
Lord have mercy if it's the second one because Jesus Fucking Christ usually showrunners hurt gay people to gain money, they don't usually PAY to hurt gay people because they just wanted to that bad.
Example of their weird anti-money marketing decisions
Other examples
#stranger things#byler#imagine sitting in a writers room in 2017 going#you know what we should do#with our budget integrity and reputation as writers#throw all 3 of them away#and this is a commitment we shall make for the next 9 years#and not go back on when we don't make money off of it the first few tries#and also not market the other ship in order to actively convert people before hurting them#maximize damage#byler marketing#not queerbait#byler proof#i trust the duffers#elmike marketing#<<< scroll through this tag#it's full of all the times they could have made money and didn't do SHIT#no team el/team will shirts#no team el acknowledged at all#just a love story between two boys and then they have a friend with superpowers but that isn't really pertinent why are you asking#oh yeah she breaks up with boys sometimes it's our favorite thing she does - their actual instagram one time
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