#and bobby telling buck to close down the highway and letting him do it his way

[tommygotwrittenoff]

thinking about gerrard hating bucks ideas and seeing them as a form of insubordination versus bobby just letting buck do his thing

[gwenyn28]

The relationship of it all...

Or „why you shouldn’t close on Buddie after episode 5”

“The relationship between Buck and Tommy was so present this episode. They sure are a thing. I am convinced Tommy will be Buck’s endgame.”

A few of us might have read stuff similar to that. Some people might even agree though still being Buddie fans while also feeling disappointed and starting to question things, maybe even closing on “our” ship.

So, bear with me, saddle up and let’s get into that whole relationship thing and how this episode was not “closing worthy” at all. Disclaimer: I already posted this on twitter and since there were a lot of people interested in what I had to say, I decided to take the leap and post it here as well, even though certain people might find it... I also edited the text slightly, putting some thoughts others had in to make if feel complete.

First of all, a short callback to my post about screenwriting I did a while ago. Remember I said that “everything shown in an episode, on screen, is intentional” and there is this “show, don’t tell” rule. Keep that in mind all the time. Because the portrayal of Buck’s and Tommy’s relationship really has a lot to “tell” when you look at what is “shown”.

All in all, we had like six scenes with Tommy present this season:

the birthday party in episode 1

the hospital scene with Buck’s dislocated shoulder

him and Tommy at the loft

Buck, Eddie and Tommy with the boils the next morning

the hospital scene for Denny’s surgery

the cemetery at the end

The last five have all been in episode 5 and that was a lot of screentime compared to what we have seen in prior episodes.

Concerning this season, Tommy had barely a minute of screentime in episode 1. This included two lines he had to deliver at the birthday party scene. One, when Buck complained about Gerrard and the other one was when Buck and him hid behind the couch for the surprise.

There is no need to dive deeper into these two lines and the meaning of them because this could fill a completely different post. So, let’s just roll with him being there in that scene. And I am honestly not surprised about that.

Episode 1 was needed to show him to remind the audience that Buck is still bisexual (and no, it was not just a phase!) and yes, he is still in a relationship with a man. This scene was to pick upo where we left Buck in season 7 and to bring everyone who might have forgotten about it up to date.

Episode 1 did not only do that with Buck and his story, they did this with all the other characters as well. So the audience was reminded of Bobby’s and Athena’s house being burnt down, the whole Mara/Ortiz drama, that Chris left for Texas, Gerrard being the Captain of the 118 and so on. So, Tommy-wise he had to be there so that the audience would also remember Buck’s current situation – bisexual and in a relationship.

All in all, the narrative purpose of that episode was to show were we have left the characters in the season 7 finale and to introduce the opening emergency with the plane/bee-nado to start the new season.

It worked.

And Tommy had served his purpose concerning Buck.

Now, let’s move on to the next episodes.

It would have been an easy thing to include him in episode 2 to 4 as well. Not necessarily in a physical form because that would mean screentime for him and therefore less screentime for others when the focus should be on them (like Athena landing a damn plane on a highway).

But there are other means to include a character from a purely storytelling perspective. All the characters, mainly Buck since he is in a relationship with Tommy and/or Eddie since Tommy and him are supposedly friends, could have mentioned him.

For example:

Buck could have talked about being on a date with Tommy randomly on the way to a call or when they were cleaning the engines or whenever. He could have slipped in a sentence or two about meeting up with Tommy before or after shift.

Eddie could have done that as well because they are friends and might have gone to watch another fight, work on a car or do stuff they did in 7x04.

Buck could also have called him for advice with the plane emergency since Tommy is still a pilot. Yes, he is able to fly a helicopter and that is not a plane but he still works at Harbor which is the air support unit and he might have some knowledge or he might know someone who has.

These are just a few examples that could have established the importance Tommy has for Buck (and maybe also for his friend Eddie) in the episodes when there was no time or place to show him physically.

But, and that is the important part here to put the focus on, the writers decided against it. We almost forgot that Tommy existed AND that Buck is in a relationship with him.

I can already hear people saying that the focus was not on Buck and his story in these episodes so it was not important to mention him or to have Buck (and Eddie) talking about him. Yes, I might agree with that. That could be one reason for not including him in any way.

So, let’s simply ignore episode 2, 3 and 4 and put the focus on episode 5 in which Tommy WAS included in a physical way with a lot of lines and screentime. Because Buck is a main character and including his current love interest seems to be important for the plot and this probably has to mean something.

But before we dive into WHAT it could mean, let’s just take a little break. Because I might have a question to ask that has not necessarily to do with Tommy.

It is more about tv shows in general, especially how relationships are portrayed on screen. Because, how do you think the writers would do that? Remember. “Show, don’t tell”. I think we can agree that, following this rule, there should be a certain level of connection and intimacy (not necessarily in a sexual way) be shown through understanding, words and physical contact.

That is exactly what the writers would do. To establish a relationship, to show the development as a couple. They would show certain things on screen. So that the audience notices (or maybe just remembers) that these two people are in a relationship with each other and that there are romantic feelings between them.

It won’t be enough just to state that they are boyfriends. It cannot be as simple as that. Because if it is just voiced once, it might get overheard. And let’s be honest, in an ensemble show with so many main characters and storylines next to each other, so many things happen and the focus shifts ever so often. So, in this case the “show, don’t tell” rule should and has to be used. Show the relationship with little or sometimes even bigger things to keep the reminder up. That is important especially for newer relationships the audience is not used to yet. So, that it will always be in the back of their minds that these two people are a thing.

To anticipate the conclusion of the following explanations: The things described here did not happen with Buck and Tommy in this episode at all. On the contrary.

But, let’s break it down to each scene.

I will try to point out the things that could have shown their connection. That could have been about them as a couple so that the audience is given the “relationship reminder”. And then I will look at what was given us instead.

In the hospital with Buck’s dislocated shoulder

Tommy could have hurried to the hospital because even though the injury is not lethal, it is still his boyfriend that is in the hospital and he should be with him because he cares about him and is worried.

entering the room with a relieved sigh that Buck is indeed kind of okay, giving him a half-hug not to jostle his shoulder, leaning down to peck his lips, cheek or even kiss his head

sitting down onto the bed next to Buck, holding his hand while Buck explains what has happened

nodding along to Buck’s word’s, maybe teasing him a little bit in a playful way for the weird assumption of being cursed

sharing that important moment between just the two of them

What we got instead:

them NOT being alone because Eddie is there the whole time: To show the connection between Buck and Tommy they could have made Eddie leave after Tommy arrives with something like “thanks for looking after Buck until I could be there for him”. But the writers didn’t. Eddie was there with them the whole time, finishing Buck’s sentences and commenting on his antics with a fond look, being included in the conversation and not making a move to leave Buck and Tommy on their own.

Tommy not being in a hurry to get to the hospital: He stated that he left after his shift ended and he changed out of his uniform before being on his way to the hospital. Both these factors show that he seemed not to have been in a rush, that he took his time to get changed and ready, probably also taking a shower that would delay his arrival at the hospital. This could be interpreted as him not being seriously worried about Buck. Not like a doting and caring boyfriend would be, slightly stressed that his partner is at the hospital, not really taking the time to get ready because of being worried about the other. His thought only with Buck, to get to him asap. This slightly off behavior is even more obvious because there is a direct comparison to Eddie who we see being there in his LAFD shirt, straight after work (or maybe even going with Buck to the hospital straight from the call) and who stayed with him even though Buck is not seriously injured.

Tommy telling Buck that he heard about the “corpse incident” and that he was laughing with his co-workers about it. And yes, I get it. It is kind of funny and something that seems to happen to the 118 a lot. I am sure they are the talk of the day every time at all the other stations. And I get that Tommy thinks this is funny and that he would laugh about it. But there is no need to TELL his boyfriend that he was laughing about him with his co-workers. We saw Buck’s reaction to that. He looked kind of sad and hurt.

Eddie and Tommy laughing about the curse: Both of them were making fun of Buck and his assumption that he is cursed. But there is a huge difference between the two of them. Eddie knows Buck for six years. They are best friends. He knows what Buck can take concerning teasing and mocking him. He knows about the other’s boundaries. I mean, remember him making a joke about the tsunami and lightning. So, him laughing at Buck and the thought of being cursed can be seen as normal friendship behavior between the two of them. They are close enough to know how to take these jokes. While on the other hand, there is Tommy who knows Buck for just a few months. He has no clue what kind of jokes Buck can take and their relationship is not shown on screen (!) that they already have that deep connection to make this kind of jokes. So, it looks a bit mean to a. burst out laughing in front of Buck and b. tell him that he laughed with his co-workers about it as well.

the Visitor’s badge: Tommy wears a visitor’s badge while Eddie has none which could imply them being on a different level. That while Tommy is just a visitor Eddie is more important and more like a pillar of stability and just there. That he, compared to Buck’s boyfriend, does not need a badge because the hospital stuff knows him and that he is allowed to be in there.

Tommy needing Eddie’s “explanations” (for example the “Sergeant Grant” – “Bobby’s wife”) because he is not involved enough to know about these things in Buck’s life which is especially a bit weird because we remember him being at the cruise ship rescue where Bobby and Athena were rescued and he played a part in that.

no intimacy between the two people in a relationship at all: There was no real greeting. Just a “hey” and “thanks for coming”. Nothing that screams “THEY ARE A COUPLE!”. No kiss, no hug, no real touch. Tommy barely touched Buck’s knee for a second and that’s it. The whole conversation he was standing in front of the bed, unmoving, his hands to himself.

To sum this up. In this scene Tommy seemed more like a slightly concerned friend visiting another friend at the hospital who got injured somehow. Nothing in that scene was showing THEM being a couple and THEM being in a relationship. On the contrary. Not to put on any shipper googles but Eddie seemed more like a partner in that episode, the doting and caring boyfriend, than Tommy because the audience realizes that he has been there the whole time, sitting with Buck even though he is not badly injured, keeping him company and listening fondly to Buck’s weird assumptions.

You might argue that some of these points mentioned above might be a bit far-fetched. And okay, I give you that. I even said it myself that some things might be interpreted in a certain way. But since it is just my interpretation, let’s kind of put these things aside and break it down to the essential stuff.

Namely, what could have shown that Buck and Tommy being the ones in a relationship in that scene. It is kind of obvious – a. them being on their own with Eddie either leaving or not being there in the first place and b. them showing at least some kind of intimate connection with a touch or a greeting kiss.

But, nothing happened at all. Like I said. They looked more like friends than a couple in that scene.

Now, compare it to other established couples on the show. Remember Chim being injured and sick on his wedding day? Maddie was sitting with him. They had an emotional talk, they held hands, touched and kissed in the end. Now look at the scene with Buck and Tommy where Tommy did nothing like that. He was just there.

On to the next scene then.

Buck and Tommy at the loft

Buck’s shoulder was injured but the rest of his body was okay. So, he could have sat in his bed, complaining about the injury while Tommy coming up the stairs with medicine and food, listening to him.

Tommy could have sat down next to Buck so that he could pull Buck close, them cuddling up together and maybe another small kiss shared to show how much he cares for Buck.

Buck being on a deep dive about the corpse: we could have seen Tommy smile fondly at him, slowly closing the laptop and telling Buck to get some rest because he needs it. Because he is worried about his well-being.

Buck rambling about Billy’s background and Tommy sitting there, listening to him the whole time, chiming in with a comment or two and maybe even giving some input himself

They could have shared either the bed or couch with each other.

What we got instead:

Buck sitting in an armchair and Tommy taking the couch. I get why they might not have shared the couch because it is not that huge and they are both big guys. But Buck’s bed is perfectly fine. And Buck isn’t incapable of walking upstairs. So, instead of showing them sharing a bed they slept separately on the couch and the armchair. One might say that it was a doctor’s order that Buck had to sleep in a sitting position. But, and that is the important part: We don’t know about any doctor’s orders who could suggest that. Yes, it might be a thing. But a. 911 is not known for their medical accuracy (Buck should have worn a sling and not have leant on his former dislocated shoulder on the bed as well) and b. the writers have to assume that not everyone in the audience knows about that so they should have mentioned it. But none of that happened. So, the audience remembers them not sharing the bed or couch and being distant.

Tommy telling Buck to shut the computer down: He said he should stop being on his laptop. Buck then replied “five more minutes” and Tommy replied “you already had your five minutes”. This sounded more like an exchange between an adult and a kid (“Pleeeease, just five more minutes, I don’t want to go to bed yet!”) than between two people in a relationship.

Buck rambling and Tommy falling asleep: We know about Buck’s ADHD brain and how he can deep dive into topics he is interested in. The “curse” being one of them. So, while he lists all these facts and why he thinks that he is cursed and all the background for Billy - what is Tommy doing? He lays down on the couch, pulls up the blanket and turns off the light. It can be seen as “I don’t care what you are talking about, I am tired, let’s go to sleep.” It gives a very dismissive and condescending impression how Tommy acts towards Buck.

While Buck continues to talk, we can hear Tommy’s voice getting quieter, indicating that he falls asleep on him, not trying to stay awake to listen to his boyfriend who really seems to be concerned about being cursed. Yes, you could say that the curse is stupid and fake. But you usually indulge your partner’s weird antics, you listen to them and try to push them slowly in the direction you want them to go. Like “go to sleep” without them feeling like an idiot

Again, there was no PDA. No kiss, no hug, not even a proper goodnight.

There were probably a few more smaller things that could have been mentioned but I think the ones above are enough to get it. This scene didn’t really give boyfriend/relationship vibes as well as the hospital scene before. You could see Tommy here again as just a friend who takes care of another friend. But not his romantic partner.

Yes, the stuff above might be seen as “make up scenarios” and too much influenced by “fanfiction”. But let’s be real. This stuff is what keeps the audience invested in a relationship. Watching them being cute together. Seeing their shared touches and intimate moments. People start to relate to them and root for them. Because they start to love them on their screens, their dynamic as a couple.

But what we have seen here doesn’t really tell anyone to root for them as a couple. Because they ARE NOT portrayed as a couple at all. Compare it to the end of the episode when for example Maddie and Chim look at Jee’s Halloween pictures. They are cuddled up on the couch together, they are close, they laugh together. Or Hen and Karen with their kids, sharing moments and glances and touches.

Now look back at the scene with Buck and Tommy and you will spot the difference. It is visible for the audience that the relationship between them is different than the ones the established couples have. And you cannot explain it with them being in a new relationship. Because in episode 5 they are already together for around half a year maybe. So at least some intimacy and shared moments could be shown. They are not five, they are grown-ups. Kisses and touching should be on the menu for them.

Before I get on to the next scene let’s have a short callback to the hospital scene and the non-existent PDA there. You could try to explain that back at the hospital was none because they were in a public setting. Eddie was there and the hospital staff. Okay. But what about the loft then? What about this scene here? They were on their own, nobody there. Just them. They could have shared some touches or kisses. But the writers decided not to make them kiss, hug, cuddle up or touch at all.

Like I said. Remember. Things are intentional in a tv show and stuff shown on screen usually has a deeper meaning and a subtext. And so does stuff NOT shown.

Next.

Buck, Tommy and Eddie with the boils

Honestly, I am not sure what else they could have shown us here instead of what they did. So, I will just point out a few things and not diving too deep in the what could have been.

We know Tommy is a firefighter and a helicopter pilot. Therefore, he has some basic medical training concerning injuries. He probably has seen a lot of stuff because he was also in the army. But still, he did not even dare to touch Buck.

When he first spots the boils, he jumps away from Buck, not daring to get too close to him. As if he is afraid that the stuff could be contagious. He does not even react properly when Buck asks for his phone. Buck has to repeat himself with a slightly raised voice before Tommy hands him his phone because he is too engrossed in staring at Buck’s face and the boils on them. And while Buck stares at his image, Tommy continues to stare at his boyfriend from a distance.

Yes, people might say that it is completely relatable that Tommy does not want to touch Buck and that he wants to keep a safe distance, not daring to get too close. And I agree. If you look at the situation as if it happened in real life. But this is different. This is a tv show. There, something is just contagious if the writers want it to be contagious. They decide and you cannot compare it with what would be in the real world. In a show, on screen, when a person has a skin condition or any other disease, their beloved ones do not think twice about it. They care about the person they love. They want to be close, no matter what. They do not think about not touching them or whatever. This is also a means to show how deep a connection between two characters are. That even if one of them is sick the other cares and loves them enough to risk being sick as well.

Now, when we look at the scene with this background knowledge? We can question how strong Tommy’s feelings towards Buck really are and where they stand concerning the state of “I love you to the core, no matter what”.

The difference between Tommy and in this case Eddie again is also very clearly shown concerning this. For one, the writers decided to let Eddie be the person to help Buck. Not Maddie, his sister, who is a nurse or Chim or Hen who are both paramedics. No, it is Eddie, again, who is being put in between Buck’s and Tommy’s relationship.

We have already seen them act differently in the hospital scene and this difference is here in this scene as well.

While Tommy does not dare to get too close or even touch Buck, Eddie is the one in the end to treat Buck’s boils. He stands close and even dares to touch Buck after treating him without his gloves for the bet. We might not have seen the handshake (even though we know it is there due to the stills we got before the episode aired). But it is implied that they touch because we can see Eddie reaching out for Buck’s hand to shake it. And since later on Eddie pays Buck for losing the bet, we know that Buck has agreed on it. Therefore, they probably shook hands.

Another difference in Tommy’s and Eddie’s behavior towards Buck is that Eddie might make fun of Buck. But in the end, no matter how many times he laughs about the absurdity of a curse being responsible for the boils, he tries to be helpful. He offers an explanation (stress induced), tries to calm Buck down that it has nothing to do with a curse and assumes that it will be probably gone the next day, hence the bet.

During all of that Tommy is just sitting there, being absolutely unhelpful, just chiming in with unwanted comments. Like comparing what has happened to Buck with an “accountant cousin” who also gets gross boils when they are stressed. Buck is rightfully offended by the word gross and asks if Tommy thinks that he is gross as well which makes Tommy realize that this was the wrong thing to say.

Another point that should not be forgotten is that... until that moment when Buck is treated Tommy seemingly has no clue why Buck has been in the hospital in the first place. Why he had a dislocated shoulder. Eddie says something about him slipping on a pumpkin and Tommy is like "Oh, you have never told me. That is how that happened? See, there you have your explanation." referring to the rotten pumpkin seeds as a cause for the boils. This is such a dissonance in their relationship. Why did Buck not tell him how that happened? And more importantly, why did Tommy not ask? He took Buck home and was with him the whole evening and did not bother to ask for once? And before people say "but what if...?" No. Remember. We can just work with what we have seen on screen. And the audience sees that they spend time together but either Buck did not want to tell Tommy or Tommy did not ask.

These things, this behavior, showed again that they are not really connected at all. And the audience might question what kind of behavior that is because they are supposed to be in a relationship, right? Again, Eddie looks more like a partner here than Tommy, treating him, getting close, touching him, knowing about his injury, trying to be helpful.

The Denny hospital scene

Buck is concerned about Denny being injured; he is worried. Tommy could talk to him, to distract him.

They could hold hands or Tommy having an arm around Buck’s shoulder.

Tommy and the rest of the 118 family waiting here could talk with each other to show that Tommy is included and accepted as Buck’s partner, one of their own, and that Tommy is concerned about Denny’s well-being since we know how much they all care for the 118’s kids.

What we got instead:

Them just sitting next to each other without any PDA after Tommy brought the two of them coffee. Their shoulders just touch because they sit on these small chairs. It is kind of obvious if you compare it directly with Bobby and Athena who sit behind them. An established couple. Also, close and holding hands, talking to each other. Being connected through their shared concern for the kid.

When Tommy came back with the coffee, he kind of scolded Buck with “stop picking” and Buck replied “I am not picking” which, again, sounded more like an adult talking to a child than two people in a relationship.

The group chat message: Tommy isn’t included in the group chat which shows that he is not really close to the “family” (which was already indicated by Eddie’s comment about “Bobby’s wife” earlier on). Not that every partner has to be in there, but all the established couples are. We see that Chim, Eddie, Buck, Bobby AND Athena (who is not part of the 118 but Bobby’s wife) get the message. Tommy is left out, showing that he is an outsider.

The other thing with the group chat is: Tommy already did that twice in season 7 already. He talks about the importance of the 118, the found family and what they mean to each other. And back then and now it could be read as pure jealousy. That he is not that close to them but wishes to be. It seems to be more important for him to point out what a great connection they have than to show empathy and real concern for people Buck cares about. Like Bobby eventually dying in the season 7 finale and now Denny in surgery. Both times he switches instantly to his own feelings, his view on the 118 in general, not supporting his partner and his concerns and worries.

We see it again that Tommy seems not to be in tune with Buck and they aren’t acting like a couple. No touches, not tuning in to Buck’s feelings and worries. He is, again, just there.

So, last but not least…

The cemetery

Them standing next to each other. There would be no need to hold hands because this is a cemetery and it could be weird to show PDA. But at least stand next to each other.

Tommy chiming in with some words for Billy’s eulogy to show that he still might think this curse thing is stupid but indulging in Buck’s weirdness about it

Them leaving together, holding hands and sharing an understanding and meaningful look.

What we got instead:

Buck having a monologue about the dead body (that is also a montage for the other characters, showing Eddie being alone with the words “Truth is, I can’t imagine anything more painful than going through life alone.”) while Tommy stands there a few feet apart from him. We know he was already weirded out and not too eager to touch Buck due to the boils and him maybe being scared that this thing could be transmitted. But like I said before. Stuff is just contagious if the writers want it to be. And loved ones do not usually care about it anyway. So, him standing a few feet apart? Why other than to show that they are still not on the same level.

Buck calling Tommy out for not kissing him: He tells Billy’s grave that Tommy does not want to kiss him due to the boils, the curse, and being gross. Tommy might deny it instantly but the show does not support his statement that it is NOT like that. He can deny it all he wants but Buck points out that they have not kissed and the audience has not seen one kiss between them at all throughout the whole episode. So, the impression that is left with the audience is that Tommy might really not have kissed him because he was disgusted. And what kind of behavior is that from a partner in a loving and promising relationship?

When Buck leaves the grave with the words “Yeah, and lift the curse” he doesn’t look back and waits if Tommy will follow. He could have waited and taken Tommy’s hands to walk to the car together. But he left, not a second glance or checking in if Tommy really follows.

Tommy being against the curse the whole time and thinking it was stupid. But in the end, he also muttered a “please lift the curse” towards the grave. This might have been just for the fun of it. So, okay, I won’t put too much emphasis on that even though you could interpret it as well in a certain way.

I think there is no need to really break this scene down in detail because I talked a lot about the stuff for the other scenes that happened here as well. Them being distant and not touching at all, not showing a physical and intimate connection.

Yes, Buck might have called him his boyfriend in that scene. But honestly, that was the first time he said it and that was the only thing that could lead an uninformed viewer to the conclusion that they are in a relationship with each other and not just friends. And I said it already. It is not enough to say things once or maybe twice. You have to show it so that everyone watching the show gets it.

~*~

So, all in all… To finally conclude the stuff I wrote here.

TV shows usually show the audience that people are in a relationship by giving the people hints about it. Touches, glances and other stuff. Not because the audience is stupid or has no clue about what is going on. It is more to remind them and keep them entertained. And that they would start to be invested and root for the couple, especially if it is a newer one. They would show that this relationship is sweet and nice and something to like.

But with showing none of that and sometimes even showing the complete opposite the writers made it pretty clear that this is not it.

Yeah, I can see people rolling their eyes at my “make up scenarios” and takes about the PDA in particular, explaining that Tommy is probably not that kind of guy for these things. That he is more mature and reserved. And yes, you might be right. He could be. But, and that is the important part here. We don’t know about that. The audience doesn’t know about this part of Tommy’s character. If he is a touchy guy or not. It was never stated in the show because it wasn’t relevant until now. So, we have to go with what we see on screen and what is told through the actions here. And that is that Tommy and Buck show no affection in their relationship, that often their connection looks more like between casual friends than between a couple. And that the usual indicators for a couple’s behavior aren’t portrayed in this relationship.

If you look at all these scenes I mentioned above and how they showed Tommy and how he acts towards Buck, it is not really boyfriend-coded.

He makes fun of him that borders on being just mean. Unlike Eddie he does not have years of knowing each other under his belt so that he would know how much teasing and mocking Buck can endure. Tommy acts slightly grossed out by Buck’s look and he acts more like a parent towards his child in the loft and later at the hospital with his scolding condescending tone. There is no loving connection between the two of them due to touches or something similar.

Therefore… this relationship might be in a situation right now that is quite okay. But we can see that this cannot stay like that in the long run. To make it last, to make it into an “endgame” one, the writers would need to invest more time and especially more hints and development so that they can be easily compared with basic stuff the already established couples show.

Kisses. Touches. Hugs. Glances. An understanding for each other. Listening to each other. And so much more.

But right now, we might have seen Tommy in a lot of scenes this episode. But none of his scenes with Buck gave away that this is couple behavior and this is something for the future. So, there are just two options. Either they develop that relationship so that the audience (not the fandom!) can also relate to them as a couple and start to root for them or they break them up because it stays as underdeveloped as Buck’s other relationships before.

Last words?

If you read all that and thought about it, it is quite obvious that the relationship between Buck and Tommy might seem okay on a surface level and Buck also calling Tommy his boyfriend for now. But storytelling wise, from a writer’s point of view? It is not a good one because it is lacking so much connection that on screen relationships usually have.

So, calling it “endgame” now and that they are so happy with each other? I doubt it. A lot has to happen to make it more believable. Because right now (and yes, this might be the shipper’s googles talking) Buck has still more chemistry and connection with his best friend Eddie than his on screen boyfriend Tommy.

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Oh nooo :(((

Yeah a water landing could be good!

But wait, you're headed away from the sea aren't you xd

Yeah

Oh no

Minimizing damage on the ground D:

CRAP 😭😭

Yeah that's a good way to put it, less "we can't do anything" Athena xdd

Yeah a field or something D:

OPE YAY

HALLELUJAH 😭😭❤️

Of course it's that lady :')) icon

Honeyysss 😭😭

"Baby" STOPPPP ❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥰

Oh gosh :(((

Oope :O the highway

YESSSS GO OFF

LET'S DO IT Y'ALL

Dang a mile o.o

Maybe be a little more clear than that Athena xD

They must be so confused XD

AHHH (awh not aah) they got it xD

Ohh crap y'all

CAREFUL BOBBY

Phew 😭😭

Okay go off guys :D

Lol he doesn't know

Okayy okay nice

Ohhh yeah I get it stop it from coming :O

Ope?

Lol not the time to go around motorcyclist

OHH Buck's gonna steal it isn't he xD

YEP LOL

Good time to come around I guess xD

GO OFFFF BESTIE ICONNN!!

You got this Athena

Okay okay phew he's there

Come onn come on

Y'ALL STOP IT'S IMPORTANT

See flares and still don't stop xD

Yeah we're committed 😬

Hi guys

She's not stopping though lol

LOL YEP XD

Oh gosh

YEP GO GUYS GO GO GO

They're like "what the freak 💀😭"

LOL "Who would take the 110 at this time" xD real

OKAY PHEW

Finally 😭

YEEAHHHH HE DID IT :D

That was quick xD

That it cleared out I mean

Okay guys you got this :'))

Alright hooo let's do this guys

JEM THAT'S NOT COMFORTING O.O XD

Nah y'all got this :'))

Your mom is watching over you <333

AAAAAHHHHHHHH

Ohhh goshhhhh

STOPPPPPPP THEY'RE SO SWEET 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺❤️

"Tell me in person" UAAAAGHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️

I mean personally I would say it back anyway Bobby but xdd

UAAAAHHHHHHHH

HIM STANDING ON TOP OF THE FIRE TRUCK

Icon

OKAYYYY

LOCK IN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHOOOOOOOO HALLELUJAH FINALLY

WHEELS ARE DOWN

THIS DOESN'T SEEM TO BE STOPPING O.O NOT VERY QUICKLY GUYSSSS

OHHHH NOOOOOO

BOBBY LOOKS AWFULLY CLOSE

OH GOSH 😭😭 P H E W

H A L L E L U J A H!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOO 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳👏👏👏👏❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Oh gosh :'DD

Good job guys :'))

Yeah, she is :'))) 😭❤️

AWWW the huggg 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

That's not saying Athena's like his mom (not literally) right- no it was dad okay good lol

Awww yeah 🥰

YAYYY

PHEW first person off the plane 😭 hallelujah y'all thank goodness

Okayy okayy nice

OH NO

OH C R A P

THAT IS NOT GOOD O.O

GO GO GO GO EVERYONE GOOO

OHHH NOOO

ATHENA GO 😭

Of course she's not gonna get him out just start CPR xDD girlll

Ohhh nooo

YES OKAY GO GET BOBBY AND HE CAN HELP YOU GET HIM OUT 😭

Uh ohhh

Okay okay

THAT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD O.O

Oh gosh it's not

Doesn't SOUND good either

OH G O S H IT'S NOT

Lol the design comment xD I mean it is but also a hazard lol

Ah right LOL no water xd

PHEW yes him

Yes that's him 😭

CRAP

Of course 😭😭 XD

Ohh noo

Okay okay-

YESSSS

WHOOOOOO

HALLELUJAH :'DDD

Couldn't let em miss out on all the fun 🥰 ;D :)))

YESSS WHOOO

Thank goodness 😭😭

YESSSS

Girl let her take over 😭

Do y'all have like an auto cpr thing or something? I think those exist

Thank goodness <333

Now get out xdd

She won't because he's still there will she lol

YES you do have one :O!!

Nice :'DD

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEIR FIRST TIME SEEING EACH OTHER IN PERSON 😭😭😭😭🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰

Hallelujah :'D

Thank goodness y'all <33

Now get on out of there :'D

WHOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY'S SAFE AND ON THE GROUND :'DDD 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😭🥺🥺 THANK GOODNESS, HALLELUJAH :'DDD!!!

Aww ayy yeah and the copilot's on his way to the hospital :'D that's good <333

Dang got a rhythm back after all that :O!! Impressive :)

Thank goodness everybody's okay <33

[mattzerella-sticks]

Buddies, 7.3k words, T, (pre-Eddie/Buck, gay!Eddie, coming out)

(ao3)

After Eddie was shot, there were two big things he had to deal with - recovery, and the near-death realization that he was gay. The latter of which proved more difficult of the two. But as his recovery was aided by a physical therapist, Eddie also found someone to help him come to terms with his sexuality and find acceptance. Eddie wouldn't know where he'd be if Michael hadn't taken him under his wing.

However, the consequences of a failed date - encouraged by Michael - lead to something Eddie didn't think he'd be facing so soon. Coming out to his teammates. Will Eddie find the strength within himself to push through his fears? It shouldn't be too hard... right?

           It’s too stifling for a fall morning in Los Angeles, Eddie thought, as he hopped out of the fire engine and sweat immediately dampened the collar of his jacket. He tugged on the fabric, huffing a tired breath through clenched teeth as he trotted after his teammates. Eddie soon fell into step beside Buck as Bobby began directing them where they were needed along the highway pileup. “Hen, Chim, attend to the drivers who are already outside their vehicles,” Bobby ordered, waving at the few bystanders leaning against cars and cradling different parts of their body, like arms and heads and one visibly bloody side with blood leaking through pale fingertips. Hen and Chimney immediately hurried there before the woman fainted from blood loss. Then, Bobby points at the two smoking cars fused together feet away. “Buck, Eddie, I want you to check on the drivers in each car and assess the damage. If you can get the occupants out safely, you have permission to do so.”

           They nodded, Buck’s face stretching with a grin as he locked eyes with Eddie. “We got this, don’t we Eds?”

           Eddie’s heart skipped at the nickname, and he blamed it on the weather. He blamed the warmth pooling in his cheeks, no doubt tinting his cheeks, on that, too. “Course we do.” He followed Buck towards the wreckage, asking, “Which one are you checking?”

           “I’ll handle the Corvette,” Buck said, “always wanted to have my hands on one, anyway.”

           “Guess that leaves me with the mini-van…”

           Buck shrugged, splitting off wordlessly to inspect the red sports car that, in this moment, resembled an empty beer can littering the floor of a house party. You get what you pay for, in the end. Eddie stifled his giggle, sobering to a more serious expression as he rounds the other, less-damaged, car. He found a young girl behind the wheel, staring straight ahead while white knuckling the steering wheel. An older woman sat in the passenger seat, knocked unconscious by the collision. He wasn’t worried too much, however, aware of the deflated air bags blanketing their laps. Eddie knocked on the door, “LAFD! Are you able to lower the window?”

           He startled the driver from her trance, shaky hands finally releasing the wheel and whipping to her face. She sobbed through her hands, a muffled sound that tugged on Eddie’s heartstrings.

           Eddie knocked again, softer, until she looked at him. He tapped the window slowly, “Can you lower this?”

           She choked on a breath, chest heaving underneath her safety strap as she did what Eddie asked.

           “Hey,” he began, reaching inside to click the safety off, “my name is Eddie Diaz. What’s yours?”

           “Ol-Olivia…” she stuttered, wiping at tears that continued to fall no matter how hard she scrubbed her eyes, “I’m… oh God, I’m so sorry.”

           Eddie unbuckled her seatbelt, checking for any cuts or abrasions because of it. The skin around her neck seemed red and tender from impact, a possible burn, but that was the extent of the damage there. “It’s okay,” he assured her, cradling Olivia’s head in his hands to better assess her injuries. There were scrapes and bruises there, dried blood crusting around her nose. Nothing that screamed ‘emergency’. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

           She sucked in a deep breath, then launched into her story. Eddie listened, running through a mental checklist while she rambled. “I’d gotten my learner’s permit a few months ago,” Olivia explained, “and I’m supposed to go for my driving test in a few months, for my birthday. In the meantime, I’ve been practicing all I can and I… and I thought I was ready for the highway. I mean, it’s not parallel parking, so I thought it couldn’t be that hard. But my mom thought I wasn’t ready and I… I didn’t listen and – oh, oh no! My mom -!”

           “Is okay,” he told Olivia, keeping her eyes on him and preventing any further sudden movement. “I promise.” Eddie surreptitiously scanned Olivia’s mother between beats of her story, noting the subtle rise and fall of her chest. “Is that how you got into the accident? Fighting with your mom?”

           “Well, partly,” Olivia explained, “I…” She hesitated, biting her lip and causing a few more blood droplets to leak past the cut there. Eddie waited, running his hands below the dashboard to check for any strain or damage from the crash that might make extraction difficult. There wasn’t any he felt. “It’s so embarrassing,” she muttered.

           “It’s okay,” Eddie said, smiling, “You wouldn’t believe the kind of calls me and my team have rushed to. I’m sure whatever happened can’t be as embarrassing as a woman stuck in a window because she tried throwing her poop out when the toilet wouldn’t flush.”

           That encouraged a tiny laugh from Olivia, and soon her earlier nerves from the crash disappeared. “I guess…” she sighed, dabbing at drying tear stains with her hoodie sleeve, “I was doing an okay job driving. Better than either I or my mom figured. But then this huge truck barreled by in such a rush that it shook the car and I freaked. I started screaming, and so did my mom, and I didn’t notice that we started drifting and… ugh, I felt like Cher, y’know? From that movie Clueless?”

           Eddie blinked at her. “You know what Clueless is?”

           “It’s a good movie,” she defended, “Plus that’s like… peak Paul Rudd. Although current Paul Rudd is also peak Paul Rudd… he’s really cute for an old guy.”

           He mostly agreed with her, only offended by her closing remark. Paul Rudd isn’t old.

           Paul’s ageless.

           Eddie stood at his full height, backing away to give Olivia space. “You think you can step out of this vehicle on your own?” She shifted, slowly freeing one leg and then the other. Olivia tried exiting, except stumbled after the second foot left the car. Eddie caught her, easing her to the ground. From the corner of his eye, he saw Hen and Chimney approach. “You’re very lucky Olivia,” he said, “you had a great car that shielded you and your mom from some pretty serious damage. My friends are gonna help you two out now. You don’t have to tell them everything, but be sure to answer all their questions and if there’s any pain, okay?”

           “Okay.”

           “Good.” Eddie rose to greet Hen and Chimney, quickly combing through all he learned during his short time with Olivia, stressing the most important pieces of information. “I still have to get her mother out of the passenger side,” he said, jerking his thumb at the car, “once I do that I can carry her to the ambulance so you can do your thing –“

           “Sorry Eddie,” Bobby interrupted, clapping him on the shoulder, “I’m gonna need your help with the other driver.”

           “That bad?”

           “It’s an older car, made with metal instead of plastic,” he said, “guy’s wedged in there pretty tight, cut up, too. And there’s a glass shard running right into his shoulder blade.” Bobby turned to Hen and Chimney, “Once you’re done here we’ll need you on standby to help us. No telling how much blood he’s lost so far, or if there’s any trauma below his waist.”

           “No problem Cap,” Chimney said, “We’re almost done here. Hen, why don’t you go with Eddie and Bobby while I see to Olivia’s mom?”

           “Sounds like a plan to me.”

           “Great,” Bobby led them to the other side of the wreckage, Buck absent from the scene. “He’s getting the jaws,” he told Eddie and Hen. Then, once they’ve reached the Corvette’s driver’s side, Bobby yelled into the open, broken, window, “Sir? Sir, can you hear me? Are you still with us?”

           The man groaned a few indecipherable syllables Eddie couldn’t hope to piece together. He exchanged a short glance with Hen, who appeared similarly unsure. Bobby, meanwhile, continued his one-sided conversation as they waited for Buck to arrive with the jaws.

           “Coming in hot!” he yelled, lugging the jaws over his shoulders, “Where you want me, Cap?”

           “Let’s start with the door,” he motioned Buck closer, pointing at the hinge. “Eddie, grab the middle. I’ll get this side. When Buck snips this free, we’ll gently lower it down and let Hen get in there.”

           “Copy that.” Eddie readied himself, crouching into position. He laid his hands atop the car door, small glass shards crunching under his gloves as his fingers curled. Buck and Bobby talked over his head, working to line up the jaws correctly. During this, Eddie chanced a peek inside at the driver.

           The face he saw, staring back at him, nearly knocked him off his feet.

           Fitting, as that was how it felt when Michael showed him his picture while convincing Eddie to go on a blind date.

           “He works with David at the hospital,” Michael told him, passing his phone over so Eddie would see what David’s co-worker, Dr. Brendan Carmichael, looked like. In the picture Michael found, a selfie from Instagram, Eddie learned more than he needed. That beside the bright, orange hair and freckles splattered across his face like someone flicked a paintbrush over his skin, he also maintained a very strict gym regimen which kept his abs in perfect condition. Eddie’s thumb hovered over the midsection Brendan revealed, careful not to like it on Michael’s account. “He broke up with his last boyfriend a few months ago, and only recently started talking about dating again,” he continued, Eddie tearing his gaze away from the phone to better listen, “David mentioned you, how you were wanting to date again, too, and Brendan’s interested in setting something up. Only question is… are you?”

           It was something Eddie was working himself up to. After breaking things off with Ana during his recovery, and Buck’s focus divided further because of Taylor, Eddie found periods where he was all alone with only his thoughts as company. Because of this, it was harder and harder for him to ignore certain stuff he’d pushed to the back of his mind and crammed into a tiny closet. Namely, his utter sexual indifference to women.

           Almost dying for the umpteenth time put Eddie’s life into perspective.

           He wouldn’t know if the next near-death call might finally succeed where others hadn’t, and Eddie realized how awful it’d be to go without following his heart.

           So he followed it all the way to Michael’s. Eddie knocked on his door late one evening, a fifth of whiskey in his veins dulling the voices shouting how this was stupid, how he and Michael were acquaintances at best and strangers at worst. Then, once Michael invited him inside his empty apartment, Eddie vomited his epiphanies until Michael set his shaking frame down on the couch and forced a glass of water down his throat.

           Since then, Michael had taken on the role as Eddie’s gay sponsor. Michael guided Eddie to a point where he could see his reflection and say ‘gay’ while smiling. He also pushed at the fear that still clung to Eddie, urging him to experience new things, like with this blind-date.

           “I don’t know,” he said, “he does look… really, really nice.” Admitting that never felt like pulling teeth with pliers anymore, thanks to Michael. “I’m just… not sure.”

           “What aren’t you sure about?”

           “I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I… I guess it’s nerves. I’ve never done this before, you know. Is there anything I should know? That makes it different than a date with a woman?”

           Michael shot him a flat look, snatching his phone back. “A date is a date. There’s nothing different about it because it’s with another man. Well… except for when the check comes, and you have to bare-knuckle brawl in the kitchen to decide who gets to pay.” Eddie returned the favor, brows leveling at his friend. Michael chuckled, “Seriously, it’s nothing you need to work yourself up about. Go into it like it was any other date. You’ll have fun – and I’m not laying it on. Brendan is a great guy, from what I’ve heard. He’s got charm and face, which is rare. You don’t find men like us in the wild every day.”

           “Men like us?” Eddie parroted, cheeks straining as he fought against the smile threatening to appear.

           “Me,” Michael clarified, grinning freely, “And Chris Hemsworth. That’s it though.”

           “And this Brendan guy,” Eddie added, “if what you’re saying is true.”

           It wasn’t, unfortunately.

           The night started with Brendan arriving late to the restaurant he chose because of its proximity to the hospital, and only further plummeted as it went on. Brendan criticized his choice in dinner, goading him into ordering an even pricier dish that Eddie hadn’t even wanted. Which Eddie then paid for, although he almost was stuck with the entire bill as Brendan assumed Eddie would cover it. It almost made Eddie reconsider Michael’s earlier crack about brawling. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Brendan’s personality rubbed Eddie the wrong way. He was dismissive of Eddie’s career, unsubtly scrolled through his phone during parts of the evening, and seemed entirely uninterested in Christopher to the point that Brendan interrupted any story about him with an unconnected anecdote, derailing the entire conversation. As the waiter left with their credit cards, all Eddie wanted was to put this date in the rearview behind him.

           Except Brendan’s phone died during dessert, and he didn’t drive himself. “If you could give me a ride?” Brendan suggested, slipping a hand behind Eddie’s button-down and petting his chest, “I’d be very grateful…”

           Eddie wished he could say he drove Brendan home without anything happening, that he was a stronger man. But Eddie gave in to curious temptation. He let Brendan guide him to his apartment bed instead of racing back home to fall asleep in an empty house, Christopher staying over at Michael’s with Harry.

           They jerked each other off in the end; a slight comfort over oral and miles above anal. Once Eddie came, he feigned exhaustion and settled in for a sleepless night. He laid in wait for the morning, where he snuck out of Brendan’s apartment as the rising sun filtered past drawn curtains without a word to his date. Eddie did leave a note, promising he would call soon.

           He hadn’t and had no plan to, either.

           Still, here Brendan was.

           “Cutting in three, guys,” Buck yelled. He proceeded to count down; on one, Eddie heard the snip from the jaws and belatedly realized he needed to move. Bobby swung a second before Eddie, and the momentum of the door made Eddie stumble in his haste to lift the door.

           “Eddie,” Bobby huffed, “You good?”

           “Yeah… yeah,” he nodded, dropping the door on the street at the same time Bobby did. “No need to worry about me.”

           Bobby didn’t believe him, but he stopped questioning Eddie in favor of looming over Hen’s shoulder as she worked on Brendan. Buck leaned against the roof, head ducked inside the cabin, too. Eddie stood apart from the scene as an outlier. He wasn’t sure if it was good to approach. Although, being fully removed meant he wouldn’t know what the other man might say in his condition.

           Only three people knew of his sexuality – Michael, David, and Brendan. Eddie wasn’t ready for that circle to expand.

           Eddie returned, joining the others. He entered to hear Hen finish her line of questioning, her last question prompting Brendan to speak. “The wound on my shoulder is superficial,” he said, gaze unwavering on the side of Eddie’s face. He felt the weight of it, Eddie turned to watch his co-workers instead of Brendan. Bobby’s focus didn’t waver from the crushed dashboard in Brendan’s lap, prodding it in different areas. Buck kept glancing between Eddie and Brendan. “It’s deep, but a clean cut. You can get to that later, because I’m pretty sure there’s something digging into my leg close to my femoral artery.”

           “We’ll get right to it, then,” Hen assured him, “Sounds like you know your stuff, though. You a doctor?”

           Eddie bit his tongue, swallowing his instinctual reply. “Yeah,” Brendan said, “I’m a doctor.”

           “Then that saves us some time.” Hen reached into her bag for a neck brace, placing it around Brendan’s neck while Bobby muttered something to Buck. Buck’s eyes flicked to his briefly before he jogged towards the fire truck. “We’ll have you out of here in no time. Can you tell me where you were headed?”

           “To lunch,” Brendan told her, “We had to push a surgery back a day, and my next one wasn’t until two so I… I thought I’d treat myself to something nice. I already had back-to-back operations this entire morning.”

           “What were they?”

           “Tumor removals,” he explained, “in the brain. Real delicate work. I’ve probably performed over a hundred by now, but I still can’t shake the jitters each time I enter the theater…” Eddie grimaced, hiding it behind his jacket collar. Yes, he knew about Brendan’s job. Hearing it in this context, on the field and not in a dimly lit restaurant, hit differently; like he cared about his patients and didn’t use his position as a point of status. This was not the Brendan he remembered. Regret churned in Eddie’s gut, mixing with the shame and embarrassment already present.

           “I know what you mean,” Hen smiled. She rubbed around the shoulder wound, cleaning it of dried blood to better inspect it. “You can have it all down to a formula, but you will never be sure what might happen when the time comes.”

           “Exactly.”

           Buck hurried back with new tools in hands. He handed a saw to Bobby, “Where do you want me?”

           “Other side,” Bobby said. He tapped Hen on the shoulder, silently urging her off Brendan. “Sir,” he started, “we’re going to be cutting the dashboard off shortly. Don’t be afraid to talk or shout if you feel any pain, okay?”

           “I understand.”

           “I’ll remove the wheel, first,” Bobby said, slipping a pair of goggles on, “don’t move.” He powered the saw on and, in seconds, removed the wheel. Brendan sagged somewhat, breathing stilted and ragged. “Are you okay?”

           “Yeah...” He coughed, “Think my ribs might be bruised, possibly broken. I don’t… I think that’s it. Not sure.”

           “You’re talking, so that’s a good sign.” Hen felt around his chest, then held her stethoscope to hear his lungs. “Nothing out of the ordinary here, Cap. Carry on.”

           Bobby, and Buck now, brought their saws to the dashboard and continued cutting. Hen waited, kneeling, holding a bottle of solution and gauze for when it was her turn again. Meanwhile, Eddie uselessly hovered near her. There wasn’t much for him to do.

           That wasn’t true for long.

           Suddenly he was very much needed, Bobby calling for him and motioning Eddie with the saw. He tripped over his feet, “Coming! Coming!” Rushing to help Bobby remove the dashboard that, along with the glass shard, pinned Brendan to his seat. In doing this, Eddie glimpsed the red-stained leather under his leg. “Hen!” he said, “All you.”

           Hen filled the space where the dashboard had been, attending to Brendan’s wound with practiced speed. As Eddie and Bobby returned, she fixed the tourniquet around his thigh and was partway done with wrapping his leg with gauze. And when Buck sidled towards them, she began removing the glass shard in his shoulder. It was much longer than a passing glance would make you believe. “Yikes,” Buck muttered, “You ever think a windshield could do that?”

           “Old cars like these?” Bobby replied, “Anything’s possible.”

           “He’s good for removal!” Hen yelled over her shoulder, kicking her bag a few feet back. She stands, dusting off her knees, “I’ll go get Chimney and the stretcher, be ready to help us set him down once we’re here.”

           “Buck and Eddie’ll handle that,” Bobby said, “I’m gonna do a final sweep of the area, make sure we didn’t miss anything. Copy?”

           “Understood.” Buck knocked shoulders with Eddie, nodding at the car, “Let’s go get the doctor ready for his ride back to work.”

           Eddie bit his cheek, letting silence give a better response than he could at the moment. If Buck found it odd, like Bobby, he didn’t comment on it. They walked to Brendan’s car again, Eddie going through the motions to get him ready for transit. In that short span of seconds, Eddie hoped his luck might keep his secret safe. That Brendan wouldn’t mention their date.

           He knelt down, waiting for Buck’s signal to lift his legs, when he made the mistake of finally meeting Brendan’s stare. Brendan offered him a tired smile. “This is so not how I expected we’d meet again.”

           …Shit.

           Buck stilled, his hands falling to their sides as he looked to Eddie. “You two know each other?”

           Brendan sighed in the affirmative. “Very intimately.”

           “What…” Buck’s face screwed itself into an expression of confusion, the rainbow wheel in his mind spinning endlessly while he processed Brendan’s innuendo.

           Eddie pounced to fill the awkward silence. “We hung out, once,” he told Buck, “Like, a few days ago, I think? Super casual…”

           “Oh –“

           “Oh,” Brendan interjected, darker than earlier. He coughed, voice straining from the force of it, but he wasn’t deterred. “Oh, really? Hanging out… that’s what you’re calling it?”

           “Uh…” Eddie, taken aback by such an unexpected call out, couldn’t produce more than a few mumbled phrases that didn’t move beyond one syllable nor, when strung together, were comprehensible. Instead he glanced between Brendan and Buck, wasting precious time with silence.

           Brendan, however, formed complete sentences. “So tell me… since I have you, were you even planning on hanging out with me again, or do you leave all your buddies notes like that?”

           In his anger, Brendan shifted and started angling himself towards Eddie. Buck snapped out of his stupor enough to lay a calming hand on Brendan’s shoulder, “Hey! Hey… sir, you need to keep still until we move you.”

           “Sorry, sorry…” Brendan relaxed, albeit his glare was still focused on Eddie. Eddie flinched under the weight of it.

           “I…” Eddie tried, very aware of the sound behind him, of wheels rolling over gravel and measured footsteps. “I was trying to be nice?”

           “Nice?” Brendan spat, “Fuck you, Eddie.”

           “Eddie,” Buck inched closer, drawing Eddie’s gaze from Brendan to him. He spoke softly, like Eddie were one of the many victims they attended to during their careers. Eddie also noted the sharp steeple Buck’s brows, drawn together as if he already filled in the missing gaps of Eddie and Brendan’s story. Shit. “Why don’t you let us handle this?”

           “I…” Eddie found breathing as hard as speaking, managing enough foresight to sharply nod before standing and striding away from Brendan’s car. He passed a curious, concerned Bobby, but ignored his calls. Eddie kept himself tightly wound all the way to the engine. Once he entered, he fell apart. Eddie’s vision blurred, his lungs couldn’t hold enough air, and he melted inside his uniform. All he was able to do before completely shutting down was shoot a quick message to Michael.

           Brendn in acidnt fine but h outd me what do

           Eddie’s grip on his phone tightened considerably when he heard the engine doors open again. Buck slid inside, not meeting Eddie’s wide, panicked stare. There were more doors opening, Bobby and other firefighters climbing aboard. “Hen and Chim are taking that guy to the hospital,” Buck said, “Our work here’s done.” He paused, gnawing on his lip, considering saying more while Bobby slowly pulled them onto the road. “What he said…”

           He missed the rest of Buck’s question. His voice dulled as a sharp ringing in Eddie’s head blocked out every sound around him. Eddie sunk into it, comforted in the simpleness of the noise. He pressed himself against the window, arms crossed over his chest, and watched the scenery blur during their drive to the station.

           Then, when they arrived, Eddie flung the door open and his puddled mass in a jacket spilled free of the engine. He stripped off his uniform in a record-setting pace. And, as he finished, Eddie saw Buck steadily approach, Bobby like a shadow behind him. Both wore similar expressions that warned Eddie of conversations he was not ready for. Because of that, Eddie did something he regret. A course of action so damning it spoke louder than any mangled defense he might put together.

           He hid.

           “Stupid… stupid…” Eddie whacked his phone across his temple, curled into a tight ball outside the building. He snuck through a door in the back, smart enough to not go far but knowing that it’s so rare anyone used this area. It was set aside for the firefighters who smoked, Chimney explained. Those were always a small contingent, never more than one or two per squad. As the years went by, numbers dwindled, and a smoking firefighter became an endangered species. Now, hardly anyone uses this tiny alley that separates the fire house from its adjoining building. Except for Eddie. “I can’t believe I could have such shitty luck…”

           He went to hit himself with his phone again, but a shrill ping cut into his spiraling. Eddie checked his messages – Can I call? It was Michael. He texted back a thumbs up he didn’t mean. Soon his phone shook in his hands.

           Eddie answered, “Hey…”

           “Hi Eddie,” Michael said, tone soft like Buck’s back at the scene. He hated it. Eddie hated how much he wilted because of it, how his nerves started inching away from the edge at the gentle, implied coaxing. “How are you feeling?”

           Eddie barked a short, nasty laugh, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead. “I feel like I’m about to burst into flames.”

           “If you do, at least you’re around people who’ll know what to do.”

           “What if I don’t want them to save me,” Eddie groused, “should I make a break for it before the first spark catches?”

           “Like they wouldn’t race after you…” Michael’s voice trailed, clearly tiptoeing around the words he chose next. “So,” he said, “you ran into Brendan again today?”

           Eddie snorted. “More like some kid ran into his car…” He growled, kneading at his eye with the heel of his hand. “I can’t believe what happened, and how I… how I froze like that. Seriously, what were the odds?”

           “Pretty fucking low,” Michael told him, “But that’s exactly what it was, shit luck. There’s nothing you could have done to not have what happened, happened.”

           “That’s not true,” he sighed, “I could have not gone on that date with him. Or, at least, not let him talk me into his bed.”

           “He’s a charmer.”

           “I had nothing better going on,” Eddie said. He played his words back in his head, silently cursing how brusque they sounded. Was he really the bad guy in this scenario? Brendan hadn’t seem interested in a relationship during their dinner, and Eddie thought his own feelings were on display, too. Buck always said his poker face had more cracks in it than a busted sidewalk. Maybe the note was unnecessary, he can concede. Eddie can’t rewrite history and destroy it, though. “Besides,” he continued, swatting those past regrets away like flies, “Brendan wasn’t all that charming when he outed me, on top of cursing me out in front of the 118.”

           “Man was in a car accident,” Michael reminded Eddie, “He probably had more to worry about than decorum.” Michael coughed across the line, clearing his throat. “That doesn’t excuse what he did.”

           “Yeah,” he said, “I thought it was, like, gay brotherhood that you’re not supposed to out another gay person… or whatever.”

           “I… don’t think he knew. That you weren’t out…” Michael hummed, the noise rattling inside Eddie’s chest. “You’re right, in a way. Any decent gay person wouldn’t out a person before they’re ready. I can’t remember if Derek mentioned your… situation, when setting up the date. I can text him but, Eddie –“ Michael’s sigh caused the line to crackle and break, Eddie shivering as it hit his ear “– Eddie, Brendan and what he might and might not have known isn’t important, isn’t why I called.” Eddie knew. Of course, he knew. “What are you planning on doing next?”

           “That depends,” Eddie mumbled. His free hand tugged on his laces, loosening them slowly. “Do you want to hear what I want to do, or what I’m going to do.”

           “What do you want to do?”

           “Fake mine and Chris’s deaths,” he told Michael, “Start over somewhere new. Maybe on the East Coast, in a small fishing village where I can be a lighthouse keeper and never have to see another person ever again. Just me and Chris and the sea, until Chris leaves or I grow old and die. Whichever happens first.”

           “That’s… dark.” Michael said, “And oddly specific.”

           Eddie shrugged, “I watched the Lighthouse last night. Robert Pattinson jerked it to some mermaid doodle in it. Like… I could do that. Survive off of doodles of hunky mermen, or sailors. Hunky mermen getting it on with sailors… God knows the real thing didn’t work out.”

           “You don’t mean that.”

           “Well, what else can I do?”

           “You can go inside and talk to your friends,” Michael reasoned, “Your team who cares about you, and are most definitely worried because of what happened and how it affected you. Your family, who is ready to accept you for who you are as they always will. But first, you need to trust them and let them in to see who that is.”

           When Michael explained it, the obvious choice also seemed to be the easiest. The tiny seed of doubt, however, planted once Eddie accepted his heart’s leanings and blossomed into a strange bushel of roses with thorny roots strangling his chest, would not let him be. It poisoned his rationality, shredding any confidence Eddie built. “I trust them with my life,” he wondered, speaking barely above a whisper, “why is it so hard to trust them with this? Is it just me?”

           “It’s not you, Eddie,” Michael said. His voice thundered with conviction, startling Eddie. “Believe me, you aren’t the first gay man to feel this way and, unfortunately, you won’t be the last.”

           He sniffed, a wet chuckle escaping past his lips in a raspy breath. “That sucks.”

           “It sure does,” Michael agreed.

           “Does it ever go away?” he asked, “Or… get easier?”

           “I… it’s not a cut-and-dry answer,” he told Eddie, “In some cases, yes. Others… no. It’s situational.” Eddie found this answer unsatisfying. He wasn’t the only one. “Listen,” Michael said, “this might seem scary now, but I, uh – remember that first night. That night you came to my place and confided in me. What did you say?”

           “That I was gay.”

           “Yes…” Michael sucked in a deep breath, hissing his next thought so pointedly it cut through those pesky roots. “Now, imagine you’re me, saying what you said to me, but instead of saying it to me you were saying it to my lovely ex-wife who, at the time, was still my wife, and all this after we’re both a few glasses of wine deep and the kids are asleep.”

           Michael’s past helped put Eddie’s own troubles in perspective. He mentioned as such to him.

           “I don’t want to come off like ‘I had worse’ blah blah,” Michael said, “My point is – you see how good the relationship between Athena and I is. She could have easily kicked me out and then never spoken to me again. But she didn’t. She had every reason to hate me, but she didn’t. Athena loved me when she thought I was straight and continued after learning I was gay. It’s a different sort of love now, and yes, it might have wavered at times, but she stuck by my side like I stuck to hers. Yes, I was scared to tell her, just like you were when you came and told me. Just like you are now. But because I pushed through my fear, I freed us both from being unhappy. Her and Bobby… me and Derek… neither would have happened if I decided to keep my feelings to myself.”

           “Yeah… your life did change…” Eddie rested his head against his knees, remnants of adrenaline from earlier fully fading leaving an exhaustion that set deep into his bones. “I guess that’s what I’m really afraid of. How… acknowledging who I really am, and owning it, how everything will change after.”

           “Eddie, will being gay affect your job?”

           “What?” Eddie yelped, head rising again, neck aching from the whiplash Michael’s unrelated question caused. “No –“

           “Will you being out really make you a completely different, unrecognizable person?”

           “Uh… I – I don’t… no?”

           “Then it sounds like nothing will actually change.” Michael’s tone relaxed and, finally, Eddie let himself do the same. The other man’s speech wrapped around him like a warm blanket. “You didn’t wake up one morning and decide to be gay. It’s something that’s always been a part of you. It’s been there during every call you went out on. You’ll still be Eddie… just a happier Eddie, because you’re allowing yourself to be happy and honest with who you are. That’s what’s important here. Coming out isn’t about other people, it’s about you. You, opening yourself to others to see this part of you, and letting them share in the joy of who you are. And the 118, your friends, will still love you because this… this gay Eddie you have in your mind, is just Eddie. That’s it.”

           Eddie didn’t cry. He wouldn’t be able to hide it, once he went back inside to confront his friends. If they asked, Eddie might mumble a few broken words about allergies then move on. Because he didn’t let his tears fall. “Thanks, Michael,” Eddie said, “I… I’m really grateful for you, being my friend. And that you didn’t turn me away like you should have done when I showed up at your apartment.”

           “I was less afraid of what you’d do,” Michael laughed, “and more afraid what you might do if I didn’t.”

           They ended the call soon enough, with Eddie exchanging a few final pleasantries while Michael’s goodbye was laced with encouragement.

           Eddie stood, riding the aches of pain that came from unfurling his back out of the tight coil he forced it into. He stretched his arms, pointed high towards the sky. Eddie leaned onto his toes, and even lifted his face to better feel the sun shining above.

           Much too warm for fall.

           Despite the heat and his fears, Eddie returned to the firehouse. He slowly crept inside, alert, gaze bouncing around for a sign of his friends. When he didn’t find them on the first floor, not hovering by the truck and newly returned ambulance or biding time in the gym, Eddie passed faceless co-workers on his way to the stairs. Each step Eddie took sounded like beats from a heavy drum, sounding a funeral march. Eddie kept up the tempo.

           As he climbed higher, his head peeked out and Eddie caught a glimpse of the second floor. Like always, his eyes were drawn immediately to Buck. He, along with Bobby, Hen, and Chim, were huddled around the kitchen island. Eddie watched them converse quietly, briefly, the discussion cutting off because Buck, the one currently speaking, turned and saw Eddie. Buck straightened, body taut and tense like Christopher got after Eddie caught him misbehaving. Eddie wasn’t foolish enough to think they were talking about anything other than him. Buck’s face flickers, flipping through emotions like pages in a book too fast so Eddie can’t read. It settled on a steely façade of determination, Buck readying to move. Before he can, Bobby stopped Buck with one hand on his shoulder. He understood.

           Let Eddie come to them.

           He did, slowly, at his own pace. Eddie settled between Hen and Chimney, both firefighters creating a space for him.

           There’s a beat of silence, the air above the kitchen island so weighty Eddie’s shoulders drooped. He fought against it, taking a deep breath. “Hey.”

           “Eddie,” Bobby spoke first, “how are you doing?”

           Michael advised honesty. That’s what Eddie gave. “I’m a little scared,” he admitted with a laugh, staring intently at a divot in the island’s counter, and how his finger repeatedly traced it. “Okay. A lot of scared.”

           “We’re here for you Eddie,” Bobby said, “Whatever it is.” On either side, his friends reached for him. Hen laid her hand over Eddie’s, crushing it in a loving grip, while Chimney soothingly rubbed his back. Eddie glanced at the men in front of him, Bobby looking encouraging at him while Buck…

           Eddie still can’t decipher what it is Buck tries to show.

           If he thought about it too long, he’d lose all the confidence he gathered to arrive at this point. Eddie swallowed past the lump in his throat, attempting to smile. “Thank you,” he said, “really.” Then, without fanfare, Eddie shrugged and told his friends, “I’m gay.”

           Like that, the next breath Eddie took felt lighter. It was unbelievable. No one said anything, but their love and acceptance were visible in other ways. Eddie was almost brought to tears because of them. He reigned his emotions in, maintaining control. If they stayed like this, however, he’s sure to break.

           Eddie cleared his throat, “That’s all. So if we could…”

           “Not so fast,” Chimney said, smirk tainting their tender moment. His hand slunk across Eddie’s back to his shoulder, clamping down and chaining Eddie there at his side. “There’s still the doctor of it all that’s been unaccounted for…”

           “Chim,” Bobby warned lightly, trying his best to play boss.

           Hen waved him off. “Eddie should have his chance to explain,” she argued, “tell us his side of the story. Lord knows Chim and I got an earful about what that man thought of you, Eddie. Filled the entire drive from the wreck to the hospital.”

           “He had a lot of opinions,” Chimney added.

           Eddie sighed. He expected they might have questions, especially about Brendan. He wasn’t unprepared for this. “I went on one date with the man,” he explained, “something Michael set up –“

           “Michael?” Bobby interrupted, tapping his chest, “My Michael?”

           “He’s not just your friend,” Eddie said, “He… he’s been helping me deal with… with all this. This… being gay, stuff.” He shifted, bending forward to press his chest on the counter. “It was Michael’s idea I go on a date with Brendan, sort of like practice. To get more comfortable being… out, in public, with another man. Personally, I didn’t think the date was that special. Brendan was… he had a lot of personality.”

           “Sure was flexing that… personality, despite all those injuries,” Hen agreed, “Kept going on about this – this note you wrote? What was that about?” Hen might have asked coyly, but it was obvious to Eddie she knew.

           He still answered her. “I was going for nice,” he muttered, “I didn’t want to up and abandon him after we… after he invited me over for the night, and we…” They were at work. Eddie couldn’t say more.

           Nothing else needed saying. Even Buck understood, if his rapidly flushing cheeks meant anything. “Oh,” he said, “so you and him… you two…” His pointer fingers on either hand were extended, slapping each other with wide sweeps.

           Hen choked on a snort, shoving Buck’s hands apart. “They weren’t sword-fighting, Buck.”

           “Yeah, I knew that…” Because of his bashful pout, followed by Buck tucking his head into his chest, Eddie didn’t buy his excuse.

           “Okay,” Bobby steered the conversation elsewhere, “besides us and… Michael… have you told anyone else?”

           Eddie shook his head. “Really?” Buck asked, “Not even Chris?”

           “Especially not Chris…” Some of that earlier fear returned, roosting in his chest like a bird returned north from winter. “I never… I don’t know how I would explain it to him or… how much I would have to explain? Like, if I was a single dad from the start, I’m sure it would be easier. But most of his memories are with me and his mom, and I – I haven’t figured out a way to tell him while also not invalidating mine and Shannon’s marriage, y’know?” Eddie agonized over that near constantly. He loved Shannon, truly, and wanted their marriage to work despite not being attracted to her in the way that mattered. Christopher needed her in his life. If that meant Eddie gave Shannon what she wanted, what Eddie pretended he wanted to, it would have been worth it.

           But, in the end, she still went ahead with the divorce. Shannon was more perceptive than he ever gave her credit for.

           “And then there’s the Ana of it all…” Eddie threw out, offhandedly.

           “Wait,” Buck said, “was that why you broke it off with her? When you told me…”

           Eddie’s breath hitched slightly, and he drummed his fingers against the counterspace. “No,” he said, “I… I didn’t have the realization then. I meant it, about us not clicking and… her being another try at giving Chris a mom. Although, being gay would definitely have played a factor in us not clicking.”

           “That’s for sure.”

           Another wave of silence washed over them, this the most awkward of them all. “If that’s it for questions…” Eddie extricated himself from the group, final shreds of adrenaline fading and leaving him exhausted. His mind already set a course for the bunks, planning a lengthy nap as a reward for his vulnerability.

           “Of course,” Bobby rounded the island, moving closer to Eddie. Buck was on his heels, but hung back on the fringes of the group, a few inches behind Hen and Chimney. “I want you to know how proud I am of you, though. I can’t imagine any of what you had to deal with was easy, and if you need anything from us – keeping this information to ourselves or whatever… let us know. We’ll follow your lead.” He then opened himself for a hug, giving Eddie the option to accept or refuse.

           Eddie sagged into Bobby’s embrace, grateful. “Thank you.” Hen and Chimney joined them, squeezing Eddie tighter and tighter. Only Buck kept his distance. Eddie opened his eyes and noticed the younger man watching them, a glint in his eye that struck Eddie’s nerve. Once the others released him, Eddie confronted Buck. “Hey, are you…”

           “Hmm?” Buck blinked, and what Eddie saw earlier disappeared. It vanished like it never existed. Maybe Eddie imagined it? Regardless, Buck smiled in his usual, too-large-for-his-face way and swept Eddie in a giant hug of his own. “I’m proud, too,” he whispered, “And what Bobby said goes double for me. Anything you need, ask… and I’ll be there.”

           Eddie caught himself before he spoke without thinking. Instead, he returned the hug. He rested his cheek against Buck’s shoulder, humming in acknowledgment of Buck’s promise.

           Buck would do anything for Eddie, as much as he would do anything for Christopher.

           Anything… except what Eddie truly desired from him.

           While baring his soul to the group about his sexuality was one matter, confessing to all his secrets was an entirely different sort he hadn’t felt ready for. He doubted he ever will be. Because if he told Buck the reason why he stopped running from the truth, why he couldn’t deny his feelings after being content in doing so for years, Eddie feared Buck would prove the sickening voices in his head right by leaving him.

           Really, Eddie thought, what else was there to do when you learn your best friend is in love with you?

           So he ignored how Buck’s touch skimmed his lower back, the gentle swaying dance they began by hugging longer than necessary, and, as they drew apart, the struck-match feeling of Buck’s lips brushing the outer edge of his ear.

           There was nothing to read into, he reminded himself. He and Buck were friends. Best friends. Best buddies. Buck had Taylor, and Eddie…

           Eddie had hope. Hope, emboldened by his bout of honesty, that there will come a day he found a man he truly loved to share his life with.

           Even if they weren’t Buck.

[elisela]

3:16am buck x eddie, 1.1k, hurt/comfort for my beautiful @yusfalkaysani on her birthday.

-

It’s been the same view since Blythe. A straight line of highway under his bright headlights, endless desert passing by beneath the steady hum of the truck tires. Christopher’s soft breathing in the back seat, the glowing lights of Indio dot the horizon as the clock on the dash ticks over to 1:31am. There’s no music to distract him from his thoughts, the script he’s carefully planning in his head that he hopes won’t die when he finally sees Buck.

They’d left El Paso in a hurry; he’d missed Buck’s call originally, busy talking with his sisters as Sophia’s wedding brunch stretched into the afternoon. It wasn’t until half an hour later that Chris asked to borrow his phone and said, “Buck left you a voicemail,” that he’d realized. There was a moment that he’d thought I’ll listen to it later, but Buck—Buck never leaves voicemails. He calls, hangs up, and texts instead. But Eddie had no unread text messages, so he’d found a quiet corner in the restaurant, brought the phone to his ear, and listened.

Hey Eddie. Uh. I’m kinda—trapped, and there’s water—I’m really starting to hate water. I didn’t want to do this like this but I thought they’d be able to get me out by now so—look, I love you. I think you knew that. I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you. I love you, and I love Chris, and I want you both to know that in case—in case.

The call didn’t end there, the rest was filled with Buck’s carefully measured breathing until it had abruptly cut off. He’d gotten Chris, told Sophia there was an emergency, and they’d pulled into I-10 an hour and fifteen minutes later. He would have driven straight through if it hadn’t been for Chris, so their dinner was filled with restless shuffling on both their parts, drowning hamburgers as fast as possible at an In-n-Out in Tucson and Chris promising he was fine when Eddie suggested they walk around the block before getting back in the truck. He hadn’t wanted to tell Chris what was happening, but eleven is too old to hide the fact that your best friend might be dying.

It was just after 1:00pm when he’d listened to Buck’s message; at 3:52pm he’d finally gotten in touch with Chim, who swore colorfully and said he wasn’t on shift and he’d call Maddie. At 4:28pm, Bobby called to tell him that Buck was in surgery; they’d gotten him out of the building with a punctured lung and internal bleeding. At 6:15pm, Maddie let him know that Buck was in a recovery room, and at 10:34pm Chim had texted that he and Maddie were heading home, but the nurses knew to expect Eddie whenever he showed up.

His eyes are gritty with exhaustion, pushing on 20 hours since he woke up, his body feeling the adrenaline come-down after hours of anxiety and sheer, mind-numbing terror.

Palm Springs passes in a blur; he rolls the windows down through the San Bernardino valley, the cold rushing air forcing his eyes open until they hit Los Angeles County.

It’s 3:16am when he parks the truck at the hospital and reluctantly wakes Christopher up, keeping an arm on his shoulders as they make their way down the hallway to the charge nurse’s desk. “We’re here for Evan Buckley,” he says quietly. Christopher’s body is a welcome weight against his side; the knowledge that Buck is alive hasn’t yet sunk in, he still feels untethered, ready to float away.

Buck is awake when they lead him into the room, Chris gripping his hand tighter before they step through the door before letting out a soft, tired sound. Eddie’s heart stutters to a stop when Buck smiles at them, soft and sleepy. He thinks he forgets to breathe for a moment, his chest starts to burn as Chris makes his way to Buck’s bedside and grabs his hand.

“You should be asleep, buddy,” Buck whispers. His voice is rough, but he brings his other hand around to the back of Chris’ neck and kisses the top of his head before leaning back against his pillow.

“Dad said I could go to abuela’s but I wanted to see you,” Chris says.

“Come up here,” Buck says, and Eddie finally intervenes.

“He’ll be fine over here,” Eddie says, motioning to the small couch placed under the window. At eleven, Chris is too big to sleep in a hospital bed with someone who’s injured. “Or we can go, I—we just needed to see you.”

“We’ll stay,” Chris says. He leans into Buck one more time, kissing his shoulder before moving away; Eddie watches as he settles into the couch, turns over, and falls asleep. Without his buffer, Eddie is suddenly terrified.

“Eddie,” Buck says.

He pulls a chair close to the bed and sinks down on it; Buck is watching him, soft and open. He doesn’t know what to say—everything he’d practiced sounds too heavy, too much, too emotional now that Buck is in front of him, looking like he doesn’t belong in a hospital bed at all except for the large bruise on his left cheek. “We can go,” he says. They probably should leave; Buck needs sleep, not to be spending his energy reassuring Eddie.

“Stay,” Buck says. “You got my message?”

Eddie nods.

“It’s okay,” Buck whispers. “You don’t have to say anything—”

“I want to,” Eddie says, reaching out and grabbing Buck’s hand from where he’s placed it on the mattress. “Buck, I knew. I didn’t want to hear it like that. I think I’m just—”

“I love you, Eddie,” Buck says, squeezing his hand. “I’m okay, everything’s okay, and I love you.”

All the tension floods out of him and he tilts forward and folds his arms on the bed near Buck’s hip, burying his head in them. He takes a deep breath and then another, tries to release the ache in his soul that had told him it was a deathbed confession, that Buck’s words were an act of desperation that would be dismissed when he took his next breath. Buck’s hand is in his hair, stroking through it slowly, and Eddie breathes in time with it, calming the frantic drumbeat of his heart. When he finally raises his head, he stands up and leans close to Buck, one hand on his shoulder and the other cupping his cheek.

“I love you, too,” he says quietly. “But you knew that.”

Buck’s smile is slow and hopeful as he reaches up to cover Eddie’s hand with his own. “I did,” he says, turning his head to press a kiss to Eddie’s palm. “But it’s really good to hear.”

[random-imagines-blog]

Get Hurt {Dean Winchester x Reader}

Requested by:  @fandomofyourchoice-89​ Wordcount: 3973 Summary: Arguing with Dean is never fun. Getting into an accident after you leave said argument is even worse. But such things can have a silver lining. Notes: Some swearing.

You might have offered a lot of things to Dean Winchester, but your freedom was not one of those things. A bit of flesh here, a bit of blood there was one thing, but letting him dictate who you am allowed to talk to - and when? That was asking too much of you. When you woke up to a good morning text from the bartender you were chatting with the night before, you had been feeling pretty on top of the world. It was nice to have a little bit of positive attention, even if it wasn’t exactly from the person you were hoping to have it from. Dean may know monsters, but he couldn’t pick up on your feelings, even from a foot away. He snatched the phone out of your hand to see who the text was from, joking that it was probably from your mom, but when he saw the unfamiliar number, he went from teasing to overprotective. That was not the Dean that you liked to see. He was treating you like you were his car, when someone else was trying to get in the driver’s seat.

“I don’t need to justify myself to you of all people!” You said, wrinkling your nose as you pulled on your sweater for the day. The weather outside wasn’t at the point of frightful, but it was still chilly for the early fall. It helped you to feel less exposed to Dean’s eyes as well, which was good with how sharp they were being today.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean shot back. You looked over at Sam, hoping for some sort of aid, but there was nothing there. The tall moose of a man just disappeared into the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. On one hand, that was a smart move. Your fights with Dean were known to be explosive, though they didn’t happen very often. It was usually just sarcastic comments. But no amount of sass was enough to express your anger today. You were not in the mood to deal with this shit. Not today, and not ever. On the other, it was annoying. You could really use the back up.

“It means that you don’t get to lecture me about a single text message, when you’re the one who always goes home with the bartenders, the single moms, who even knows anymore. Any woman gives you a pretty smile and you swoon off into the sunset, leaving Sam and I behind. And you’re giving me hell over a single text? Really?”

“I don’t sleep with every girl, and it shouldn’t matter! I work hard, I deserve to have a little fun.”

“The fact that you don’t think I work hard enough to exchange numbers with one guy is insulting, Winchester. Downright insulting. You threw your coat on over your sweater, given the weather - and you just wanted to have as much of your clothes on as possible. And there was good reason for that. “You know that vacation that I’ve been talking about taking? I’m leaving today. Right now, actually. Goodbye to your storm cloud, hello sunny California.”

“You don’t get to walk away like this,” Dean said, going to the door that lead to the outside world, and folded his arms. “We have a lot of work to do in this area, Bobby said-”

“Then you better get to it then, shouldn’t you? No time to waste. Not for Dean, the hard working man! And since I hardly do anything, according to you, I should leave. I wouldn’t want to be a hindrance to your greatness!”

In response to this, all that you got was silence. You threw your bag over your shoulder, and put your helmet under your arm, ready to leave. Your bike was calling you, and you were looking forward to the dust blowing under your tires back out on the open road. The problem was that Dean still wasn’t moving.

“Get out of my way, Winchester,” You said, reverting to last names. That tended to be how you reacted when angry at him.

“No,” He said, his biceps flexing beneath the flannel shirt that was keeping him warm. “You know that we need you-”

“And I need away from you!” You shouted, exasperated. “Either you are going to move from that door, or so help me, I’m going to call the police on your credit card scams.”

It was one of the few threats that you had under your belt. Sure, he and Sam would get booked and it would take a couple of hours for Bobby to talk them out of it, but that was a couple of hours horribly wasted.

“Fine, leave, just walk away,” Dean’s deep voice seemed to go even deeper as he moved away from the door.

“Fuck you,” You said, giving him the finger as you walked out of the motel room. It felt good to leave that negativity behind. That overbearing feeling that made you feel as if Dean only saw you as a little sister, rather than as the capable woman that you knew you were. Actually, it was like he didn’t see you as a woman at all, which was hurtful. You’ve loved him so long and-

And you were going to leave that behind, just for a little while. You would come back eventually. The Winchester charm always got to you, the same way that it did for every other woman that Dean talked to. It was the shy, stoic nature behind those green eyes. The way that he quietly seemed to look into your soul, and never had a complaint about what was found.

Think of the palm trees that you were going to see. Think of the beaches, the waves rolling on the sand. Think of being able to lay out and feel the sun on your skin. You could order fruity alcohol drinks from hot waiters wearing only their bathing suits. Maybe you’ll even spot a Kardashian, which you could rub into Dean’s face. You could roll over and say, “Ha, Dean, I spotted her first!”

Except for the fact that Dean wouldn’t be there. It was just as much a break from him as it was a break from the hunt.

You got onto your bike, put the helmet atop your head, and backed away from the black impala as quickly as you could. You refused to look back. That would just be giving Dean satisfaction that you were having second thoughts.

You turned out of the motel and ended up on a long stretch of road that lead west. That was exactly the way that you wanted to go. There weren’t many people about, considering this wasn’t one of the big highways though that would be coming soon.

You slowed down as you saw a shadow dart out across the road, coming from one of the patches of trees. It startled you enough that you lost your balance on the bike, and it started to wobble beneath you. You braced yourself for the crash as the bike finally decided which side it was going to fall on, and you skidded off of the concrete onto the brush by the side of the road. All you can remember is trying to make sure the bike didn’t land too hard on your leg, for it could easily break it.

-

When you came to, you were hearing arguing. The familiar sound of Dean’s voice. “Leave Sammy alone,” You groaned, before opening your eyes. Instead of the expected scene of a motel room, you were surprised to see that you were in a hospital bed. And instead of Dean arguing with his brother, it was a small woman in scrubs that was giving Dean hell.

You remembered everything in that instant, and reached up to touch your head, expecting the worst case scenario. You were anticipating blood or bruises or waking up with a huge bulging eye like Quasimodo in the Disney film. Your chin was a bit tender, since that part hadn’t been entirely covered by the helmet, but the rest of your face felt fine. Dean was watching over you with those stern eyes of his, and suddenly you wished that you were ugly. Then he wouldn’t give you shit for leaving because you already suffered the consequences.

“Don’t start,” You said, looking at him before turning your attention to the Doctor. Or nurse, you couldn’t quite tell. “I definitely feel the effects of the painkillers so I don’t really know what’s wrong.”

The doctor went into professional mode, coming to your side and checking the IV bag that was giving you fluids. “I’m Dr. Williams, you’re in the Kansas Medical Center, and you’re going to be just fine, first and foremost. You did break two of your ribs, but neither ended up piercing any organs. You did fracture your femur and patella, though with some physiotherapy once the cast is off, you should be back to normal, unless you were running marathons.”

“Not quite,” You said, breathing out in relief. Though that did make you well aware of the odd feeling in your chest. Those pesky broken ribs, no doubt.

The doctor left the room after giving you another sweep, and an idea of how long you may have to be in the hospital for. Another night of observation, then she wanted to have you come in for physiotherapy. You said you would, though no doubt you would be back on the road before then, and doing your own exercises. This wasn’t the first time that you’ve broken a bone, though it was the first time it happened outside of a hunt. You figured you knew enough to take care of it on your own.

“What, because I left you had to argue with the Doctor too? Your temper knows no bounds, Winchester,” You said to Dean once Sam stepped out to get some coffee. Dean looked far from amused at that. “Did our insurance scam not go through?”

“This isn’t a joke,” Dean said, closing the door to your private room. That alone told you that the insurance went through. There’s no way that they would put you in a room like this unless they were getting the big bucks. American Medical Care at it’s finest. “You were an inch away from puncturing a lung. If the farmer didn’t see you wipe out-”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure that being friends with angels had a hand in that,” You leaned back against the pillow rather than attempted to sit up. Dean came to stand at the end of the bed, and clenched his fists around the bars at the end of it. “Look, I don’t know how they got a hold of you, or what you think you’re doing, but I’m still taking off to California. Just ... bring my bike to Bobby’s and I’ll fix it when I get back. I’ll just fly, or bus as soon as I can sit up properly.”

“The hell you are,” He raised his voice at you. He hadn’t straight up yelled at you like that in quite some time, even while he was angry. It was startling. “We are all sticking around here, and you are going to listen to the Doctor’s orders.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” You muttered. No Winchester was good at following orders, not even from a well-meaning Doctor. And because of how much time you’ve spent around them, you might as well have been one.

“Excuse me?” He asked, quick to hear your words.

“You’re not well known for following anyone’s orders, Winchester. You just like giving them out, even when completely unwarranted. Like right now,” You glared at him. “Did you just come here to tell me more about what I should and shouldn’t do? To gloat? Just tell me what you want from me, so that we can move on, honestly. This is getting old.”

“I want you to be safe!” He said, his hands tightening around the rails, the knuckles turning white. “I don’t want you off with some random guy, and I don’t want you alone in California and I don’t want you to crash your stupid damn bike on a country road!”

“Why do you think that I can’t take care of myself? We’ve been hunting together for years now!”

The look in his eye after I said this made me sink a little into myself. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And the hurt that he was feeling made me understand that he was leaving no bit of road unpaved.

“You ended up in the hospital because you ran away,” Dean said, leaning down low, hanging his head so that you could no longer see his expression. That didn’t mean that the pain was invisible, though. “And I’m the one that made you do that.”

“And if I died, you would blame yourself,” You sighed, catching his line of thinking. “But I’m okay. I’m always okay.” You would have gone to the other end of the bed and touched his hand if you could. You could feel the anger and the guilt radiating off of him, like black lines in an anime show. But the discomfort, and pain which was starting to come through despite the meds, was making you stay where you were. “Alright, I have an idea.”

He lifted his head slightly at that, his eyes wide and glistening like a Disney princess. The great Dean Winchester, crying?

“Buy me a burger, bring it back here and we’ll have a dinner and talk - actually talk, not yell at each other this time, okay?”

-

After you were released from the hospital, limping on a cast that was a huge hindrance, things began to change. You couldn’t tell if it was from guilt or because Dean actually wanted to take care of you. But you let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do, because it was the only way for him to cope with what had happened. You and Sam had talked about it late one night when Dean was out to get you your favorite burger, and both agreed that it was best to let this run it’s course, unless he got entirely overbearing again. It was bound to happen sooner or later though. He had already offered to carry you to Baby on more than one occasion rather than let you hobble.

“Dean,” You groaned for the second time that day, though you were definitely blushing more this time. It was a good thing that he couldn’t see through the bathroom door. He was just on the other side of it, so he could hear you, though. “I can bathe by myself. You’re just getting perverted now.”

“I just want to help,” He said, being able to hear that stupid damn smirk on his face. God, he was irresistible. Even you had to admit that it had  been nice to have him pamper you. But now he was wanting to help you wash in the bath while your cast had to be raised up on the edge of the tub. It had been a little difficult to get in and out of lately.

You wrapped the robe tighter around your body. “If I agree...” You said, coyly, biting on your lip, fingers against the lock. “Do you promise that you won’t look.”

“Depends,” He said, and you saw the door physically move, like he was leaning against it. “Are there going to be bubbles to help cover you up?”

You looked behind you at the bathtub that was about half full. You had a small pile of bathbombs that you bought online to at least try to make the experience a little better. It took a lot longer to get in and out of the bath, so you might as well make it as pretty as possible. “There might be a few bubbles, but the water will be colored,” You admitted. It would hide some parts of your body pretty well. But others would be sticking out.  

“I promise I’ll try my best,” was all that Dean had to offer.

“Okay just umm - just give me a second, alright?” You unlocked the door to the bathroom, then attempted to take a step backwards, but pushed a little too roughly on your casted foot. A sharp pain went through your leg and you cursed yourself for being so stupid.

“Are you alright?” Dean asked, his ears catching onto that.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a minute, alright?”  You called out. You took off the robe, and grabbed the towel instead. You wrapped it around your body in a way that it would be easy to take off once you were ready to sink down into the water. What you really needed help with was keeping your balance as you went down, since you had to keep one leg up. Even then, you had it wrapped in cellophane so it wasn’t as likely to get wet. You definitely regretted taking off the way that you did.

You put your good foot into the water, then crouched down, attempting to go on your own as far as you could, but you felt yourself wobbling. You had to put your casted leg on the ground outside of the tub again. You didn’t trust yourself not to fall. Holding the towel tightly against your chest, you finally said, “Okay, I need help. But don’t look, okay?”

The door slowly opened and Dean came inside, one hand covering his eyes and the other reaching out to try to grab a hold of something. He himself nearly tripped on the small carpet and you had to hold your hand out to steady him. You sighed, wondering if he was being this bad on purpose. “Alright, just hold my hand and help me get down, yeah?”

Dean could at least do this. As you got closer to the water, you slid your towel off with the hand that Dean wasn’t holding, and tossed it outside of the tub.

“What was that?” He questioned right away.

“My towel,” You admitted to him. “So keep your damn eyes closed.”

“Eyes closed. Scout’s honor.”

“As if you were a scout.”

You balanced your bad leg on top of the lip of the bathtub so it was jutting out. It was a bit awkward but once you were sitting in the tub, and leaned back, it was a lot better. You sighed contently, then realized that Dean was still holding onto your hand. You quickly snatched it out of his grip then closed the shower curtain on him so he couldn’t see anything anyway. “I’m all sorted, thanks.”

“No problem,” He said from the other side of the curtain. You waited for him to leave but you didn’t hear any footsteps, nor the bathroom door open and close. But what you did see was one side of the curtain moving slightly, as if it were being pulled ever so slowly.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Can’t blame a man for trying,” He chuckled, the curtain falling back into position. “I never ... really apologized for making you run away. And causing all of this.”

“You could never make me do anything. And you didn’t cause this. The stupid farmer who didn’t mind his chickens did,” You wrinkled your nose, thinking about how tempted you were to sue that guy. “Though I will accept your apology about being a jerk. And a bitch.”

“Hey,” He said. You heard the toilet cover flip down, and Dean had the audacity to sit on it. The nerve! Although ... it was actually really sweet that he was in here, making sure that you didn’t have to bathe alone. “I might have been being stubborn, but I had a point. That bartender was a jerk. He was giving his number to everyone with a pulse.”

“So what if he was? It’s not your job to tell me who I can and can’t see. And if I do end up getting hurt, then it’s on him, and it shouldn’t be me that you get mad at.”a

“I wasn’t mad at you,” He said, and you could hear him tensing. The water was moving in small ripples around your body, and it was the only thing causing sound. “I was mad at myself for not telling you sooner.”

“Telling me what?”

“That I care about you.”

This was getting to be a  bit too much for you handle. You put your hands on either side of the tub, took in a deep breath, then lowered yourself into the purple-colored water. It smelled strongly of lavender with jasmine, and the scent had filled your nose just as you slipped under the water. You didn’t open your eyes, you just went under to cool the feeling of your cheeks burning. Even the warm water was cooler than that. When  you rose yourself up, you saw to your dismay that Dean was peeking around the side of the curtain. But at least his eyes were on yours, rather than on any part of your body. And that everything you didn’t want him to see was covered by the colored water and the bubbles that came with it.

“What are you doing?” You said, moving your hands to cover yourself up further.

“You didn’t reply.”

“Did I have to? I would think that my actions over the last few months in particular spoke enough for me.”

Dean stepped back, the curtain moving into it’s usual position, but you still didn’t relax. “It’s really hard to have this conversation when you’re naked.”

“Shouldn’t have started it then,” You grumbled, but you couldn’t even find yourself getting mad. Dean cared about you. That was something that he didn’t say to many people. If he did express that - holy shit, were you ever in. Neither of you spoke for the next ten minutes. Instead, you just focused on yourself, washing your body and your hair. As far as you could tell, Dean didn’t peek again, but remained on his seat on the porcelain throne. “I’m going to need some help up, if that’s alright,” You said, once you’ve finished.

“Yeah,” He said. “Eyes are covered.”

You pulled the plug on the bath, and watched as Dean’s strong arm came through the curtain, holding his hand down low to grasp yours. You took it, and slowly, with the help of his sturdiness, got back onto your good foot, the other still being supported by the side of the bathtub. “Do you think you could...” You were about to ask him for your towel but he took  his hand away from you before you could finish your sentence. Instead of getting handed a towel, the curtain opened and revealed Dean holding open your robe. He no longer had his hand over his eyes like a child, but he was facing the opposite way, eyes closed. You smiled, thinking about how sweet he was being.

And hoping it would last after you healed up properly.

[florenceandthemachine]

TUMBLR FUCKED UP SOME OF MY ASK POSTS I AM SO SORRY ANYWAY 

@buckleydiazs​ asked:

talk to me about eddie and chris asking buck to move in, pls and thank u 🥰

Their first unplanned night together starts off with a text message.

Ironically enough, it’s not even a message between Eddie and Buck—it’s between Buck and Maddie. Eddie is all smiles as he pulls his truck onto the highway, Buck in the passenger seat, laughing easily at some story Eddie was telling. It was nice. It was easy, easier than most of the relationships Eddie had ever had before, but that wasn’t surprising—at least, not anymore, not with Buck.

Once Buck had gotten the stick out of his ass, Eddie realized how easily the two of them would get along almost immediately. Buck was... well, he was a far better person than Eddie was, and Eddie would be the first to admit that, but Buck seemed to be oblivious to the fact that he could basically out shine the sun with one of his big toothy smiles.

Their relationship was unique, certainly; they had survived things that went beyond the real of “regular people”; tsunamis, earthquakes, bombs, and most stressful of all (weirdly enough), a lawsuit. somehow, the lawsuit was the straw that broke the back on their friendship—Eddie had finally pulled his head out of his ass, realized how miserable his life had been without Bucky, and asked him out on a proper date a week after Buck's first call back on the team.

Though they spent a lot of time together as friends, and that had only grown after their first official ‘date’, they had been carpooling out of necessity for the week—Bobby had been good enough to match their schedules up while Buck’s Jeep was in the shop—and Eddie insisted that it wasn’t too much of a detour to shuttle Buck back and forth to work.

The mood in the truck was easy and light, and Buck was still laughing when he pulled his phone from his pocket, tapping at the screen a few times—and like someone had switched on a vacuum, the good mood was sucked through the window in less than a second.

“It’s Maddie. She says Taylor Kelly is at my apartment complex. Apparently there was a pretty big drug bust in the building across the way, she has her van camped out in our lot.”

And, well, Eddie wasn’t about to tolerate that, wasn’t about to tolerate anything that made Buck unhappy, anything that could suck the joy out of him in an instant, for reasons that he chose not to dive too deep into. He focused instead on the problem (and yeah, Taylor Kelly was a problem with a capital B), and what he figured was the easiest solution.

“Oh. Well, then you’re staying at our place tonight.”

As expected, Buck started up a whole litany of protests. It was a little sad, Eddie thought, how eager Buck was to talk himself out of a good time, and if he didn’t have the backup of a year of knowing Buck as well as he did, Eddie might have actually taken his ramblings at face value.

As it was, though, he had an ace in the hole. A surefire way to get Buck to shut up and accept some good in his life. He didn’t like to play it, but he knew that he had to as soon as Buck mentioned “I’ll just stay at the firehouse tonight, it’s really no issue, I’ll order take out, and—”

“Buck, it’s fine. Chris has been begging me to invite 'his Buck’ over for dinner for a week now anyway.”

“...oh. Okay.”

Was it wrong for Eddie to use his son so easily, knowing that Buck was as wrapped around Chris’ finger to the degree that nearly rivaled himself? Probably. Could Eddie bring himself to care? Nope.

Especially not when Chris basically launched himself into Bucks arms, completely overjoyed that Buck was here for a “surprise sleepover”. 

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, with Chris easily dominating most of the conversation, rattling off facts, figures, stories from school, information about his friends, and Buck had eaten it up. 

Eddie had found himself staring at Buck—more than once—with a little bit of a dopey look on his face, he was sure, as Buck got more and more animated, making Christopher laugh, telling stories of his own, and he hadn’t even bothered to look away when Buck caught him staring.

Buck was a blusher. Eddie loved it.

Now, though, Chris had disappeared to brush his teeth and put on his pajamas, and Eddie and Buck were working in companionable quiet as they started to clean the table.

"You know, if Taylor being at my apartment means I get to spend the evening with my two favorite guys...” Buck said with a smile, closing the fridge as he leaned against it, keeping an ear out for Chris as he turned the faucet in the bathroom on. “...I’ll have to invite her over next time.”

Eddie shrugged, gesturing vaguely with a spoon, though he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he rose a brow. “Buck, you know you don’t need excuses, right? You’re allowed to like this. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am as wrapped around your finger as you are Chris’s.”

Buck was blushing again, and that was all the encouragement Eddie needed to step forward, his arms wrapping around Buck as Buck started to speak again. “You... you know the feeling is mutual, right?” he asked, and Eddie felt himself light up. “And I... don’t really want to wait for a next time to spend some time with you either.”

Buck wasn’t sure which God was on his side, but either way, he was immensely thankful that Chris didn’t barge in until long after Eddie and Buck had separated, even if they were still breathing a little heavily.

--

The next unexpected visit, it turns out, was only four weeks and three planned dates later. 

Buck had had many a sleepless night after the tsunami, but after the lawsuit, his nightmares had become even worse, more intense, more real. There were nights where he had to tell himself, ten times, that Chris was okay, that he was alive, and then there were nights like tonight, where he let the fear outweigh the guilt and he called Eddie.

(It was probably telling that he was never afraid of his own death—only Chris’. If he had a therapist, he would probably bring that up, but... well, therapy had never been a great idea for Buck before.)

To his credit, Eddie hadn’t let it ring even twice before picking up. 

“Buck, Chris is okay. He’s okay. You saved him, Buck, and I can never thank you enough for that.”

“Ed—he was right there, and I lost him, and I—”

“He is okay. Buck, seriously, he’s okay. Here, you should come over. See for yourself?”

“What? No.” Buck may have been coming out of a nightmare, but even then, he knew not to risk disturbing Eddie more than he absolutely had to.

“Buck, whatever thoughts are swirling around in that head, you better, get your admittedly very attractive ass over here right now.”

...well, he couldn’t argue with that. 

Eddie could feel his heart break when he opened the door, though, and got an armful of puffy eyed, apologetic Buck in response. They quietly made their way over to Chris’ room and then to Eddies own, where he made no short work of Buck’s apologies, kissing him soundless every time he tried.

At the end of the night, Buck wasn’t sure what had helped him sleep better—seeing Chris alive and well, or spending his night in Eddie’s arms, wrapped up tight enough that he couldn’t break free even if he tried.

Not that he would.

--

“Hi Buck!”

“Hi Christopher!” 

Buck was all smiles as he swooped in to scoop Christopher into a big bear hug, leaning over to kiss Eddie’s cheek as he let Chris back down to the ground and they started walking back to the car. “How was school, buddy?” He asked, easily going into idle listening mode as Eddie’s hand slipped into his. It was an early release day for Christopher, and he had all but demanded that they spent the afternoon hanging out together—and it was moments like these that reminded Buck about how lucky he was, swinging his hand in Eddie’s like a teenager as they walked back to the car, Chris eagerly leading the way.

Honestly, if anything, the fact that a date night for Buck was now spending a night at the museum with his boyfriend and his kid (instead of in a club, or at a bar, or doing something he probably wouldn’t remember the next day) really was a testament to his own personal growth. No drinking, no drugs, no questionable sex with questionable people in questionable locations—just a nerdy firefighter and his kid.

Dinner consisted of hot dogs and pretzels and soda, and somehow Chris was outpacing them on energy as they wandered through the exhibits. Buck never quit being amazed at just how much Chris knew—hell, Buck was an adult and he still didn’t know the difference between a Monet painting and a Manet painting—but Chris was like the little brainiac Energizer bunny, his energy only weaning after they got home and demanded Buck read him two whole stories for bedtime, and Buck was feeling selfish enough to allow himself a few moments with Chris, sleeping on his shoulder, before he tucked the boy in for the night. 

“I’m gonna get going.”

“You don’t have to, you know?”

Eddie kept his voice low as Buck slid Chris’ door shut, his arms finding their way around Buck’s waist on autopilot, easily masking the twinge of annoyance he felt when Buck had the audacity to look surprised.

“What do you mean?”

If he ever met that Abby chick, he was going to give her a piece of his mind. 

“I mean you don’t have to leave. You can stay, sweetheart. I… well, I want you to stay, but I always want you to stay, so I’m a little biased. But you can stay as long as you want, whenever you want.” 

It was better, he hoped, to be direct, because Buck obviously didn’t get the hint after so many subtle cues. Hell, Eddie had given him a key after their third official date, and all Buck had commented was how glad he was to have it, in case of emergencies. Unfortunately, the fact that Buck seemed dumber then a box of rocks didn’t seem to count as an emergency. 

His argument seemed to be well received tonight, at least, because Buck smiled shyly as he looked up to Eddie, his own arms sliding around the other males shoulders. 

“You’re sure I won’t bother you and Chris, right? You really want me to stay tonight?”

“Of course I do.” Eddie said. For the rest of your life, he managed to keep inside. 

--

“Buck, you know you’re always welcome here, right?”

“Yes, Eddie.”

“And you know we love having you here, and we generally hate it when you leave.”

“I get it, Eddie.”

“So you know—“

“Eddie, will you please let me in?”

If Buck wasn’t soaked head to toe, standing on Eddie’s doorstep, he’d probably start to think that the universe was playing a cruel joke on the both of them. It was certainly playing a cruel joke on Eddie, to be honest—they had finished a particularly grueling overnight shift just three hours ago, and he had all but begged Buck to come and get some rest at the house while Christopher was out with Carla that day, and Buck had politely but firmly refused, not wanting to trample on any of the time that he got to take for himself. It was driving Eddie crazy, to be honest—he had really thought that they had made progress on that front, that they had finally gotten to the point where Buck didn’t think he was intruding, or interrupting, or distracting, or whatever. He really had thought he had made his stance clear—that he always loved spending time with Buck, period. 

Well, he was certainly never one to back down from a challenge. 

“What even happened, Buck?”

“The pipe burst in the apartment above me. I got soaked through in the middle of a nap.” 

“Oh, Buck.”

“It’s not funny, Eddie! I was trying to be considerate!”

“Baby, I’m not laughing. I’m just very distracted by how good you look soaking wet.”

“Eddie, I swear to god—“

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“….oh. Oh!”

--

“I meant what I said, you know?”

“Hmm?”

They had gotten down to the lazy, delighted moments of the evening, standing together in the shower, Buck slotted easily into Eddies arms. They were taking advantage of the last twenty minutes they had together before Chris came home, and needless to say, neither of them were exactly jumping at the idea of wearing pants again.

“We love having you here, Chris and I. And we really do hate it when you leave because you think that you have to, or you think that you’re intruding, or you think… well, whatever else that you’re thinking.”

“Eddie…”

Buck turned in his arms, pushing his wet hair back, but Eddie smothered any chance of a self depreciating comment by pressing their lips together. He didn’t pull back until he knew Buck would be breathless, panting, and dazed, and it probably wasn’t fair to fight that way, but Eddie couldn’t handle another comment about how much of a bother Buck perceived himself.

“You’re home to me, Buck. Chris too. He loves you and he looks up to you, and you drive me crazy thinking that you could be anything but welcome in our lives. Buck, I want you to move in with us. Stay. Forever.”

There was a time and a place where Buck’s self doubt would have run rampant faced with a confession like that—hell, Buck 1.0 wouldn’t even have allowed a relationship to get that far—but somehow, looking up at Eddie, nothing could be more perfect. 

“You’re home to me too, Eddie.” He started, softly, a smile on his face. “And if you and Chris really wouldn’t mind—“

“It’s not just that we wouldn’t mind, though. It’s what we want. We want you to live with us, sweetheart.”

“… well, I’ve never been good at denying anything my Diaz boys want, have I?”

--

(Over dinner, Buck had nervously approached the topic with Chris, because no matter how sure Eddie was, Buck had to hear it for himself. 

Chris got so excited he almost threw up. 

Eddie considered everything about that night as a win—but the best part of all was the price, Buck, beautiful Buck, waiting for him in his—no, in their bed.)

[fangirlshrewt97]

911 Fic: A Serious Conversation and a Funny Pun

Author(s): Fangirlshrewt97

Fandom: 9-1-1 (FOX)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Christopher Diaz

Characters: Evan “Buck” Buckley, Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz

Rating: General (two curse words used)

Warnings: None apply

Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, Fluff and Comfort, Insecure Buck, Pining Eddie, Adorable Chris, Attempt at humor,  

Summary: When Eddie comes to pick Chris up after a shift, he and Buck have a long overdue conversation regarding the aftermath of the tsunami.

Alternatively, Buck is being dumb, and the Diaz boys set him right.

Link to A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23752768

                                                     ******

Buck was cleaning up the mess that he and Christopher had made during their impromptu pillow fight when he heard the knock at the door. Setting the picture frames back in their rightful place, Buck went and opened the door.

“You’re late.” Buck said. Stated. Winced. That was not what he had meant to say.

At least Eddie seemed to be sheepish about it. “I know, I’m sorry. The last call ran long and we got back to the station late. Can I come in?”

Buck stood back to let him pass into the house and locked the door behind him. He moved to the kitchen to retrieve a beer, trusting Eddie to follow. “Is everyone ok?”

“Oh yeah no, it was a routine call Buck. There was a three car pile up in the highway, no casualties, but one of the vehicles was a huge pickup truck that had been carrying fertilizer and it spilled everywhere,” Eddie said as he settled into the barstool. Buck opened the fridge and got two beer bottles, popping them open before handing one to Eddie. “Thanks.”

Buck clicked his beer bottle to Eddie’s in acknowledgement. “That must have stunk.”

“It was horrific. Honestly, Bobby was about 2 minutes from ordering us to wear gas masks. I think the only thing stopping him was that he didn’t want to cause unnecessary panic.” The beer was cool as it slipped down his throat, settling him. He looked around the apartment, noting that furniture was slightly out of place and he spied a couple pillows laying haphazardly in a pile on the sofa. “Is Christopher asleep?”

“Yeah, I figured a call must have run late when you didn’t call me as you always do when you are starting from the station, and since it was already past his bedtime, I didn’t want to mess up his routine.” Buck said, voice soft as he remembered the boy trying to manipulate him into letting him stay awake a bit longer.

“He tried to make you let him stay up longer didn’t he?” Eddie teased when he saw the small smile on the younger man’s face. His chest felt warm in a way entirely unrelated to the alcohol, but he wasn’t sure which of the two boys caused it. Probably both. He was such a sucker.

“He knows how to work his puppy dog eyes for sure, let me tell you.” Buck commented as he rounded the counter to sit at the edge, knocking knees with Eddie. Eddie took a quick gulp to mask the butterflies that were starting up in his stomach.

“Oh no need, I have been on the receiving end of those too many times, and still don’t have a 100% immunity to them.”

“I don’t think its possible to be completely immune to them.”

The two men drank their beer in a friendly silence.

“I have another shift on Sunday, would you mind taking Chris then too?” Eddie asked.

Buck hesitated for a second before smiling brightly “Sure, not like I have anything else to do right?”

Eddie sighed. “Buck, you don’t have to force yourself to say yes…”

“Forced? No I am not forcing myself, why would you ask that? Eddie come on man I love Christopher!”

“Then why is it that you have started hesitating every time I ask you if he can stay over?” Eddie knew he should be softer with Buck, but sometimes bluntness was the only thing that got through to the stubborn idiot.

Buck visibly startled, as if he hadn’t realized Eddie had noticed, but Eddie has to give the man credit, he bounced back fast enough that if Eddie did not know him so well and hadn’t been staring him in the face he would have missed it entirely.

“I don’t hesitate!”

“You just did!”

“Eddie!”

“Buck!” Eddie said back, frustration giving way to annoyance, but both men paused when they heard rustling in the living room. When the noise stopped and it seemed Christopher had not actually woken up, Eddie sighed again and tipped his head forward, letting himself fall forward onto his forearms against the cool countertop. “Buck, I don’t want to fight with you.”

“I don’t want to fight either.”

“Then why are you lying to me?” Eddie asked, lifting his head to look at Buck. The man looked frozen. “Buck is this still about what happened during the tsunami?”

Those seemed to be the magic words because Buck visibly recoiled to the point of almost falling off his stool. He started to say something but stopped thrice and looked lost for words.

“Buck, I already told you I don’t blame -”

“You should!”

“Buck what-”

“Eddie how can you just … just forgive me like that?” Buck bit out, running his hand over his scalp and rubbing the back of his neck. “I almost lost you son, I didn’t call you, I was careless with him! How can you not care?!”

“Not care? Are you kidding me right now? Jesus you think I am dismissing that night? That night of the tsunami when you told me, those few seconds before I saw him were the worst few seconds of my life. I had thought that life could throw anything it wanted at me, how could it be worse than what had already happened? Not care, bullshit Buck. I was terrified. For the past few weeks, Chris has been having nightmares and screaming through the night. That first week after the tsunami he refused to sleep alone.” Eddie knows he should slow down, Buck is pale as a ghost but he is too worked up, and maybe Buck has a point, he needed to get it all out, but this was not how it was supposed to go. He is breathing heavily, hands clenched on the edge of the countertop, knuckles white. He closes his eyes and leans back, putting distance between them, and exhaling. In a quieter voice, he asks “When you said those words, that you couldn’t find Chris, that you thought he was gone, do you want to know what I actually thought?”

Buck looks more scared than Eddie has ever seem him, except when he was trapped under the fire truck, and what does it say about them that he is making Buck as scared as he was when he thought he was going to die? Eddie sat back down on his stool, hesitating before extending his hand, palm facing up on the counter, there if Buck wanted to take it. Buck looked at the offered hand as thought it could shatter him, flickering between it and Eddie’s face. Only at Eddie’s reassurance did Buck lightly place his hand on top. Ignoring the warmth curdling in his stomach (not the time!), Eddie squeezed the hand gently.

“Buck, the only thought running through my head was I had been a terrible father.”

Buck nearly fell off his chair again, only Eddie’s hand gripping his keeping him from falling to the floor. “What?! Eddie you are the best father I have ever seen. You care for Chris, and you go so above and beyond for him. You make sure he wants for nothing, and if he asked you the world, I am convinced you would find a way to give it to him.”

Eddie chuckled but didn’t stop the tears that rolled down his eyes as he remembered that awful night. “I haven’t convinced myself I am not doing so to make up for running away from him in the first place.”

“That makes you that much better of a dad. Because you came back, you decided you weren’t going to hide from your responsibility. You made the choice to always be there for him. You are his whole world Eddie, and that’s not something a lot of kids can say about their dad.”

“You have become a part of his world too Buck. Why are you scared?”

“It’s not the same…”

“Explain the difference to me.”

“Eddie you are his dad.”

“Yes, and?”

“I am not.”

“Do you love him?”

“What? You know I do!”

“Do you want him to be happy?”

“Eddie,” Buck said, stony faced as he saw where the conversation was headed.

Eddie was firm thought. “Yes or no only. Do you want Chris to be happy?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want him to be safe?”

“Yes.”

“When you are with him, is he your first priority?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think about him even when he isn’t with you?”

“Yes.”

Eddie smiled. “See?”

“See what?” Buck grumbled, mad that he had let himself be played so easily.

“Buck, you are not half as stupid as you pretend to be alright. I would have answered yes to every single one of those questions too.”

“So would the rest of the team!”

“Maybe, but I am not concerned about the rest of the team.”

“Just me.”

“Buck no…” Eddie said, sighing as he pressed the heel of his wrists to his eyes. He took a deep breath and stood up, moving to stand in front of Buck. The change in position had Buck looking up at him for a change. The vulnerability in his eyes, as if Buck was scared of what Eddie was going to say next. Moving deliberately, Eddie moved to cup the back of Buck’s neck, and tried to get his heart under control from where it was trying to leap out of his chest. Buck gasping and his pupils dilating slightly was not helping him in the slightest.

“I need you to listen to me very carefully, ok?” Eddie said, making sure the other man was looking at him.

Only when Buck nodded did he proceed. “You are so important to me Buck. Like insanely so. When I first moved to LA, I was so worried about how I was going to raise Chris alone in this new city. I was grateful for Abuela and Tia don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I would have ever moved here if I didn’t even have their small safety net. And even after I got here, some days I thought my parents were right and I was crazy for moving here. But then something changed. Want to guess what?”  Eddie asked, a small smirk on his face.

Buck blushed, and Eddie felt a rush of affection. God he wanted to kiss him so bad. Why was he such a … knucklehead?

“Buck, you accepted Chris immediately, you never questioned about his disability or treat him differently to how to treated any other kid, and I don’t have the words to tell you how much that means to me. Most people can’t look past the walking aids or his differences, and you didn’t blink an eye at any of it. You just drove us in your truck speaking with him as if he was a normal kid the whole way home.”

“He is a normal kid Eddie.”

“I know that Buck, you know I do. And you know that. And the team. But for the random strangers walking down the street? For the judgemental parents in the playground?-”

“They can go shove it!” Buck said, frowning at the thought of people being cruel to Chris. And how was it possible Eddie hadn’t burst from how much he adored this man.

“Yes they can. But I mention them to explain that that is what I am used to Buck. The team accepting Chris and making him so comfortable meant the world to me, but you Buck? I…” Eddie choked off, surprised at the tears that started falling down his face.

Buck looked alarmed and stood up, but the close proximity at which Eddie had been standing meant they were standing chest to chest. They are like that for only an instant, yet Eddie felt as though his heart was trying to hammer its way out of his body at the sudden influx of points of contact with Buck. He tries to move away, but stumbles, nearly falling, if not for Buck throwing an arm around his waist and pulling him to his chest instead.

Time paused and quiet fell in the kitchen, even their breaths hitched as they stood frozen in position. Eddie could barely force his eyes away from Buck’s slightly open lips, and Buck was wide-eyed. Eternity could have passed without either the wiser. Neither knew who moved first to close the distance only for both to freeze when a faint “Buck? Daddy?” echoed through the pin-dropping silence.

The two moved apart, reluctant to put distance between them. When Chris appeared from behind the stairs, he stood adorably bed-rumpled, hair askew in all direction, one hand rubbing his eye as the other one covered his yawn.

Eddie took a step towards his son, falling to his knees in front of him to see him in the eyes. “Hey buddie, what woke you up?”

“I thought I heard some yelling…” Chris said as he hugged his dad, laying his head on Eddie’s shoulder, and rubbing his nose into the soft t-shirt he was wearing. Eddie’s arm tightened around his son, one hand cupping the back of his head. “We weren’t fighting buddie.”

“Yes you were…”

“No Chris, Buck was just being stupid about something, and I was telling him so.”

“Oh. You promise you weren’t fighting.”

“Promise. Right Buck?”

“Yeah totally. Don’t worry buddie, your Dad and I weren’t fighting.”

“What were you being stupid about?”

“Christopher, that’s rude! But yes Buck, want to tell him what you were being stupid about?”

Buck looked like a deer caught in headlights and blubbered a few times, nothing sounding close to words coming out. Deciding to take pity of him, Eddie tipped Chris to face him. “Buck here was saying that he doesn’t think he can take care of you.”

He heard the man make an aborted sound of protest behind him, but Chris scrunched his face into a confused frown. “But he takes care of me so well!”

Eddie smiled, grin stretching from ear to ear. He had the best kid in the goddamn universe. “Exactly. That’s why I was yelling at him.”

Chris looked between the two of them, Eddie kneeling in front of him, supporting his weight entirely to compensate for the absence of his crutches, and Buck in the background, looking at him and his dad then back to the ground. Slowly pushing himself away from his dad, Chris stumbled over to Buck, feigning a fall at the last second. As he had expected, Buck shot out to grab him under the armpits.

Chris smiled crookedly as he looked at him from the tilted angle. “See? I knew you’d catch me!”  

Buck gapes at him, and Eddie will admit he is also surprised by his son’s ingenious yet devious plan. Chris adjusts himself inside Buck’s arm, throwing his own over the man’s shoulders to hug him close. “I love you so much Buck!” Chris whisper-shouts in his soft voice. Eddie feels as though he is melting from the inside as Buck nearly collapses from Chris’s declarations, eyes glistening with sudden tears.

Eddie’s own eyes start to grow wet and he has to blink to chase the tears away. He goes over to where the two are, moving on his knees, and throws his arms over both his boys. He buries his nose in Chris’s hair, taking a deep breath as he bumps his head with Buck’s.

Buck peeks up from where he is hiding his face in Chris’s shoulders, eyes twinkling and honest to god sparkling with joy. Eddie feels lighter than air.

They stay like that until Chris starts to squirm, and chuckling, both let go, still staying close enough for Chris to regain his balance before he pushes them slightly to make his way to the kitchen.

“I’m hungry…”

Eddie protests at the request, knowing it cannot end with a full night’s rest if he lets Chris continue his plan. “Chris is it way past your bedtime!”

Chris turned to him with his famous killer pout-puppy dog eyes combination. Luckily Eddie had just been through a normal but tiring 24-hour shift which meant he wasn’t going to get mad, but he also was not going to put up with Chris’s antics.

Buck on the other hand - hook, line, and sinker. He crumbled like a sandcastle built by a child who was not architecturally-inclined.

“We still have some leftover pasta from dinner Chris, let me just heat it up for you!” Buck said as he went to the fridge and retrieved a small container.

“Buck, if he eats now, I swear he won’t sleep for another hour!” Eddie protested, but his complaints fell on deaf ears as both of his boys were in the kitchen, Buck having lifted Chris up so he could see the container go around inside the microwave. Eddie exhaled heavily. He guessed he should be lucky that such inane things could hold the attention of the two. Although his lips quirked as he recalled a memorable trip to Home Depot where he had left them by the kitchen section and returned half hour later finding them still fascinated with the silverware.

Joining them in the kitchenette, Eddie grabbed the plates from Buck and settled them on the counter before helping Chris onto the stool. Buck laid out the cutlery while Eddie retrieved the container from the beeping microwave. Buck had also pulled out some orange juice and poured Chris a cup.

Chris was giggling when Eddie placed the dish on the table, and said loudly, holding up a single piece of pasta up to Buck. “Hey Buck, what do you call a fake pasta?”

Buck put on a thoughtful face, hmming until Chris was in hysterics.

“Careful Buck, you might hurt yourself thinking so hard!” Eddie added in, shaking slightly from contained laughter.

Buck put on an exaggerated pout and turned to Chris “Chris, you dad is being mean to me!”

Chris just laughed harder before turning to Eddie and adopting a serious tone (failing miserably but adorably) “Dad…you have to… you have to apologize to Buck!”

Eddie nodded along equally seriously to Chris before turning to Buck. “I am sorry Buck.”

Buck squinted at Eddie before looking at Chris who nodded his head before gesturing him to come closer. Buck leaned in to hear what he had to say, a mischievious smile taking over his face, eyes twinkling. Eddie felt twin coils of apprehension and adoration flood his stomach. He was so screwed. “Fine. Apology accepted.”

“Ok?…”

“On one condition.”

“...What’s the condition?”

“We go out for ice cream and donuts tomorrow.”

Eddie looked between the two of them, and sighed exaggeratedly. “Fine” and ducked his head down so they didn’t catch his fond smile as they cooed victoriously and high-fived. The butterflies were back in Eddie’s stomach. Or were they elephants?

Actually you know what, it didn’t really matter, Eddie thought, as he joined his two favorite humans in the whole world for a lovely late-night snack. The domesticity of the scene amplified Eddie’s yearning for this to become permanent, for Buck to not just be a friend, but family, properly.

He wouldn’t say anything today, the tsunami had changed things between them, it was inevitable, but Eddie was willing to put in the work to not only mend the bridges, but hope for something more at the end. And he had a hunch he wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

                                                ******

Bonus:

“Oh wait, Chris, what is the answer?” Buck said as they were washing up the dishes.

“Answer?”

“Answer to your joke. What is a fake pasta called?”

The Diaz boys looked at each other before laughing and answering simultaneously “An Impasta!”

[halothenthehorns]

The Supernatural Gospel

Chapter 4 The Sacrifices Made

The 1967 Chevy Impala was as close to home as Sam had ever known, making it all the more fitting it was suited up for war. Dad really must be missing for Dean to even have the old impala. Dean walked around back and popped open the trunk to find one duffle bag, a towel and shirt poking out of the unzipped end. Then he lifted the cover where a spare tire should be, and the usual array of neatly assorted weapons most people couldn't even name looked up at Sam like some old nightmare.

Dean grabbed one of the many guns available to prop it up. Then wiggled his fingers over various guns, knives, and other objects Sam could identify all too well as his brother muttered to himself, "All right, let's see, where the hell did I put that thing?"

"So when Dad left, why didn't you go with him?" This was still bothering him most of all. Was he determined to push everyone away, even the son he preferred?

  "I was working my own gig. This, uh, voodoo thing, down in New Orleans." Dean said very casually. Sam noticed for the first time Dean was still wearing the amulet he'd given him years ago, and can't stop a smile.

Sam was, surprised. Maybe a little impressed. If ever he'd thought about them at all, he'd have expected them to just keep going same old same old as if he'd never been there. He hadn't thought his Dad was capable of change. "Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?" Just to confirm someone hadn't been there. Bobby? Caleb?

Dean's apparently insulted by the question though. "I'm twenty-six, dude." As if Sam weren't aware. He'd also apparently found his prize, a folder with plenty of slips of paper stuffed in. "All right, here we go. So Dad was checking out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California. About a month ago, this guy," he hands Sam the one on top, "they found his car, but he vanished. Completely MIA."

The paper is a printout of an article from the Jericho Herald, headlined 'Centennial Highway Disappearance' and dated Sept. 19th 2005; it has a man's picture, captioned 'Andrew Carey MISSING.' Sam skims it and glances up.

"So maybe he was kidnapped," not everything had to be related to their line of work. Surely Dad hadn't gone on just this.

"Yeah. Well, here's another one in April," Dean tosses down another Jericho Herald article for each date he mentions. "Another one in December 'oh-four, 'oh-three, 'ninety-eight, 'ninety-two, ten of them over the past twenty years." Dean takes the article back from Sam and picks up the rest of the stack, putting them back in the folder. "All men, all the same five-mile stretch of road."

Okay, so either a serial killer, or definitely their kind of gig.

Dean pulls a bag out of another part of the arsenal. "It started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough." Dean grabs a handheld tape recorder. "Then I get this voicemail yesterday." He presses play. The recording is staticky and the signal was clearly breaking up, but it was Dad's voice. "Dean...something big is starting to happen...I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may... Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger." Dean presses stop.

"You know there's EVP on that?" Sam said automatically.

"Not bad, Sammy. Kinda like riding a bike, isn't it?"

Sam wanted to bristle and correct it was obvious to anyone, but then got a chill at the idea of Jess having followed them down here, listening to this, being so lost and confused like so many civilians trying desperately to keep up. They weren't even in the car yet and Sam was already starting to separate us and them again. He shook his head at himself and let Dean keep going.

"All right. I slowed the message down, I ran it through a gold wave, took out the hiss, and this is what I got." He presses play again.

A female voice whispered up to them now, "I can never go home..."

Dean presses stop with a rather triumphant expression.

"Never go home," Sam repeats, that was ghostly if he'd ever heard it. the words echoing oddly in his head, and he tried not to think of why Dad hunting this particular thing should be any more significant than anything else.

Dean drops the recorder, puts down the shotgun to let the hatch fall, stands straight, and shuts the trunk, then leans on it. "You know, in almost two years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing."

Sam looks away, back towards the dorms and where Jess is still waiting. He half expected to see her peeking out the window at them. They were just nightmares he scolded himself again. If Dad really had finally bitten off more than he could chew though, if he and Dean rescued him and then Sam still made it back to his interview on Monday, would that finally prove to Dad he could do both?

Dean at least seemed willing to try.

"All right. I'll go. I'll help you find him." Dean nods. There was no visible emotion on his face, but Sam still would have bet it was somewhere in there. like relief, or even happiness, god forbid. "But I have to get back first thing Monday. Just wait here." He wanted to at least grab a change of clothes and say goodbye to Jess.

Dean called in confusion, "what's first thing Monday?" Sam hadn't even gotten to the stairs.

"I have this...I have an interview." Sam already knew Dean wouldn't understand.

"What, a job interview? Skip it." He at once proves his brother's point. Dean had never had to sit through an interview in his life.

"It's a law school interview, and it's my whole future on a plate." Sam corrected, had his brother thought he was hanging around here for the over priced apartments?

"Law school?" Dean isn't really surprised, it fit Sammy well. Who better to find loopholes and fight the system than his little brother.

"So we got a deal or not?" Sam challenges.

Dean just silently nods. A part of him really meant it, he couldn't stop Sam and more, he wasn't even sure he wanted to. Sam actually seemed happy here, far more than Dean had seen him through all of his teenage years. He didn't answer though, even as Sam took it as one and went back up the stairs, because Dean still pictured in his head rescuing their Dad, the two finally talking instead of yelling. This could fix everything and they could just go back to normal...

Sam changed into a plain, forgettable, unmarked blue shirt and a tan, thick but forgettable jacket. He tossed the dirty shirt over his shoulder towards the hamper without looking, his eyes on a duffel bag now, packing all the weapons he'd clung to over the years into it, including a large hook-shaped knife, the .45, and extra pants for when these inevitably got torn up. Jess comes into the room from the bathroom, immediately sussing the situation. "Wait, you're taking off?"

Sam looks up at her with longing. Just one conversation with his brother again had convinced him he definitely didn't want her to come. They'd deal with this and he'd be back here Monday and they'd never have to talk about this weekend again.

"Is this about your dad? Is he all right?" She sounded so concerned, Sam quickly smiled and put her at ease. It bothered him how fake it felt, it was the one he put up to tell a story, just like riding a bike...

She came and sat on the bed. Sam turned away from her, towards a dresser. "Yeah. You know, just a little family drama." He didn't need the extra shirts he grabbed as he avoided her eyes, he wasn't going to be gone that long.

"Your brother said he was on some kind of hunting trip."

Oh how Sam wished his Dad's biggest concern was a ten-point buck. "Oh, yeah, he's just deer hunting up at the cabin, he's probably got Jim, Jack, and José along with him. I'm just going to go bring him back." It felt nice and appropriately vague, let her fill in the blanks, not too many details. Give an inch and most people will fill in the story themselves and stop asking questions.

"What about the interview?" What about me? He met her eyes again and scoffed at the notion. It was only a nightmare.

"I'll make the interview," I'll come back. "I'll make the interview. This is only for a couple days." He grabs the bag and makes for the door.

"Sam, I mean, please." There's an edge in her voice that has him dropping the bag at once, turning back to face her. "Just stop for a second. You sure you're okay?"

He was far from okay. This wasn't exactly his worst nightmare, but he'd certainly hoped his past wouldn't come back to haunt him before he'd even gotten started on his future. Then he laughs at himself for ever trying to pretend otherwise. They were just nightmares.

"It's just...you won't even talk about your family. And now you're taking off in the middle of the night to spend a weekend with them? And with Monday coming up, which is kind of a huge deal."

Great, he already sounded like a crazy person to her and she didn't even know the whole of it yet. He definitely wasn't telling her, he couldn't lose her. he could have both.

"Hey. Everything's going to be okay. I will be back in time, I promise. I love you."

He kisses her on the cheek, scoops up the bag, and leaves. It felt rushed, but he just couldn't take anymore of her questions tonight, not on top of all the ones he had for Dean and his Dad. He could explain everything when he got back. They'd have a nice long talk when he got back and then he'd see where that led. He heard her shout to at least tell her where he was going, but he pretended he didn't hear, Jess had too many questions as it was. that he didn't want to answer.