#and being (semi) active in one fandom is already a lot

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey there sex witch! This one might be a little bit out of your wheelhouse, but I don't really have anyone else to ask 😅 and this seems mostly relevant to what you talk about.

So recently I (a very shy person for a long time) have gotten pretty active in some fandom discord communities, and I've been making a ton of friends. Which is great because I used to have social anxiety to the point where I could barely talk to people, especially online. The problem is that my new friends are all VERY horny, all the time. Which, great for them, I don't really feel the same way. They're also very interested in ERP and other varieties of e-sex and often ask if I want to join. I really don't, but it's fine that they're into that. One guy in particular is really starting to freak me out though. He's a semi-popular creator and a mod on one of the servers. He's becoming a pretty good friend of mine and I play online games with him and others a bunch. He, like the rest of the crowd, is also very horny all the time. He often makes sexual comments about me, sometimes very graphic ones. Stuff like telling me to take my clothes off IRL while on call with him or saying stuff like "I want to fuck you until you cry" or just dming me asking if I want to have sex with him. Sometimes he notices that his comments make me uncomfortable and he did reach out to sincerely apologize for it once, but he hasn't changed his behavior a whole lot.

The big thing that worries me about him is the fact that he's 28. I'm 18, just graduated high school. He knows this about me. He does a very good job of keeping his server 18+ and would never make a sexual comment about a minor, but is still comfortable doing sexual things with people ten years younger than him. Another thing is that even though I've told him I already have a boyfriend, he assumes I'm in an open relationship even though I never told him I was. My boyfriend also says this guy kinda freaks him out and that he's a little worried about me.

I know that age gaps between older people can be perfectly healthy and problems arising from them vary pretty heavily from person to person, but I'm not entirely sure if this is ok or not. This guy doesn't want to hurt anyone. Have I probably just not properly expressed my boundaries with him? It's not like he's targeting me or anything, he acts this way with basically everyone. I'm torn on what to do, he's still my friend and I like him otherwise. Should I just keep laughing it off? I am uncomfortable but I guess it's not a huge deal to me. Should I stop talking to this guy?? Help??

🐟🐟 So I can find this quickly if/when you answer it

hi 🐟🐟,

this guy fucking sucks and needs to be banned from interacting with maybe anyone until he learns what "no" means. literally every individual thing you've described him doing would be alarming in it's own, but altogether this man is a walking collection of red flags. this is not your friend and this is not a guy who cares about your boundaries or well-being; this is a man using his fandom clout to sexually harass you (and likely others). him being ten years older than you isn't even really the biggest issue here; all of this would be shithead behavior even if you were exactly the same age.

get out of there, double fish.

[caribbean1989]

Stage Fright - a Baby Lasagna fanfiction

Who: Marko Purisic / Baby Lasagna Request: maybe smt where you work for esc and marko has a panic attack before going on the stage and your there for him calming him down and stuff. just angsty with lots of comfort. Requested by: anonymous. Word count: 2010 Warnings: contains descriptions of panic attack / anxiety / stage fright. Lots of angst, but also some comfort 😇

A/N: I usually write footballer imagines and fandom whump, so writing something like this is quite new to me. Hope you'll like it, let me know what you think of it 😇 If you want me to write more like this, you can always make a request through my Asks 😉

This story can also be found on my AO3 account, here. For more information on my Baby Lasagna fanfics, see this masterpost.

At your job working backstage at concerts and events, you were one of the people making sure everything went smoothly backstage, and that the performers had all they needed. This month you would be working at the Eurovision Song Contest. 

Today was the biggest day of all: the final.  You felt confident. Everything had been rehearsed endlessly, the semi-finals had already gone well, and you had built up a good relationship with most of the performers and their entourages. 

It was a nice group of artists this year, but one still was your personal favourite: Baby Lasagna. At first you were drawn to the Croatian candidate because of the rather unusual name, but you quickly learned he went by Marko off-stage, and was somewhat different from the other participants. He was a flamboyant personality on-stage, which proved to be the complete opposite of how his personality was off-stage. 

You didn’t need long to see Marko was actually rather shy, could be very insecure, and was humble and polite. There was a cheeky side to him as well once you got to know him better. You liked that about him, and, without actively trying to, you already formed a rather close friendship with him in only this short time of working together. 

That was why you immediately knew something was wrong when you found Marko sitting alone on the day of the final, huddled away from everything and everyone.  He sat amongst crates of sound equipment, on the floor, in a dark corner of the backstage maze, hugging his knees. His hands were clamped so tightly around his legs that his fingers had turned white, and he trembled like a leaf in the wind.  Marko had chosen a spot far from the foot traffic from and to the stage, hidden even from his own entourage, and it was a small miracle that you stumbled upon him like you had. 

"Marko?" You lowered yourself onto your haunches in front of him, but mindful to keep enough distance between yourselves so not to frighten him or make him feel more uncomfortable.

He looked disheveled, only vaguely aware of his surroundings, and surely not in control of his emotions.  In this moment he was not the extroverted Baby Lasagna, he was introverted Marko. The eccentric costume he wore on stage was replaced by regular jeans and a black hoodie. The make-up wasn’t applied yet, which might be a good thing, because you saw the tears on his face. The haunted look in his eyes scared you, worrying you even more about his well-being. 

Suddenly your mind went to a line from the song he was performing with here this week. 

My anxiety attacks.

Whilst Rim Tim Tagi Dim had people dancing all over the world, you couldn’t help but notice its darker meaning, too. And it clicked into place for you now. That line about anxiety wasn’t just a line. It actually held truth for Marko, and the proof of that was right in front of your eyes with him having a serious panic attack. 

"Marko?" You repeated softly.  His gaze flickered to you, but he didn’t acknowledge your presence in any other way.  "I need you to talk to me," you nudged carefully.  Marko swallowed hard. He made every effort to get himself to speak, but couldn’t. The words he meant to say got involuntarily silenced on their way to his mouth, and, finally, he just sadly shook his head. Fresh tears fell as he rested his forehead on his knees, shrinking even more into himself. 

Your heart broke for him. It was hard to believe you only met him a week and a half ago, with how much you already cared for him. 

Marko shivered in his hoodie. His breaths became even more rapid and shallow, accompanied by the occasional wheeze or whimper. He was losing more and more control over himself with every heartbeat of his racing pulse. Where first maybe only his hands had shook, there now wasn’t a muscle in his body that wasn’t shaking. He raised his head and looked up at you again, this time really seeing you. 

Marko’s lower lip trembled, and it took effort, but finally he got some words out. "Help me…" "I’m trying," you answered helplessly. You wanted nothing more than to help him, take him out of this panic attack, but you really had no idea where to begin. "Do you need me to bring someone from your team over?" "No!" Marko nearly jumped a foot into the air at the mere idea of that. "They don’t need to see me like this. I’m a mess, I…" "Calm down, calm down," you tried to ease. "We can do this. You and I, we can get you through this."

Having suffered from panic attacks yourself, you suddenly remembered what your sister used to do for you to get you to calm down. "Marko." You got his attention. "I want to try something to help you calm down. Are you okay with me touching you?" He still was in the height of his panic attack, with fear wild in his eyes, but he still nodded his head. He wasn’t sure what you had in mind, but he trusted you.

You scooted closer to him, fully sitting down on the floor by his side. Marko trembled heavier than ever and he was truly hyperventilating now. Tears sparkled in his eyes, but he gave in to you. He wanted for you to offer comfort and take him out of this anxiety. 

"Close your eyes," you said softly.  Marko hesitated for just a second, but slowly closed his eyes. He didn’t know you for that long, yet you felt secure and safe to him. "Whenever you’re no longer comfortable with anything I’m doing, you need to tell me," you insisted, "and I’ll stop immediately." Marko gave you a strained nod, but he surrendered to you. 

You moved slowly, making sure not to make any unexpected movements which would cause Marko any more fright.  You placed one of your hands flat on his chest. Only now you realised how heavy this panic attack actually was for him. His chest heaved and trembled under your hand, and now that you were closer to him, you heard the whimpers that were hidden in the wheezes of his breathing.  With your other hand you picked up his wrist, gently pressing two fingers against the pulse point. As you had expected, his heart was racing. 

"I need you to focus on my hand on your chest." You kept your voice as calm and serene as possible. Marko dipped his head once, eyes still firmly pressed shut.  "Whenever I press into your chest, I need you to breathe in through your nose, and try and press my hand away with your chest," you instructed, "when I release the pressure, you exhale slowly through your mouth." Marko wanted to speak, show you he had understood, but he found his words once again stolen from him by the panic attack. Instead, he dipped his head once again, but it was all the confirmation you needed. 

You slowly and gently pressed the palm of your hand a little firmer into his chest.  Marko took a shaky breath. He did his best to get his lungs to fill properly and get his chest to give counter-pressure against your hand, but couldn’t quite manage.  "It’s alright," you eased him, "take your time. Just focus on the rhythm of the pressure of my hand and try to breathe with that." You felt how Marko was really trying to, but also how he wasn’t succeeding yet. His inhales were broken by shudders, and his exhales disrupted by sudden and involuntary gulps.  "That’s it," you encouraged anyway, "easy does it."

Your hand never left his chest as you gently applied pressure and released it, with Marko doing his utmost best to get his breathing to fall in sync with it. You spoke soft encouragements, yet the silent moments in between were filled with Marko’s quiet whimpers.  It didn’t matter to you how long it would take, you would help Marko through this. 

---

Eventually, you sat with Marko like that for well over 30 minutes. There was no reason to rush anything. Soundchecks for the grand finale of tonight wouldn’t be starting for another few hours, so you gave him all the time he needed to pull himself out of this panic attack.

Marko’s pulse had returned to a regular, calm rhythm, as had his breathing. His trembling had subsided, but he sat beside you looking worn out from everything he had just gone through. 

You gently let your hand fall away from Marko’s chest for the first time again. You kept a close eye on him, but he was able to keep his breaths calm by himself now. "Open your eyes," you said softly. Marko slowly did so. Even though the area where you sat was dimly lit, he still squinted at the light. He ran slightly trembling fingers through his silvery hair, before he finally looked up at you sitting next to him. 

"I’m sorry about that." Marko sounded tired. "No need to apologise." You shook your head. "May I ask what happened?" "This happened." Marko chuckled wryly, motioning his hands to the area around you. "I’ve never performed at an event of this magnitude before. And… well, my stage fright took the better of me, I guess. It does that sometimes."

The airiness with which he spoke of his stage fright was pitiful, almost like it was the most common thing in the world for him. "But it doesn’t often get this bad, I reckon," you said sympathetically.  "No." Marko sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair once more. "It doesn’t usually lead to a full-blown panic attack, and certainly not like this one, but, apparently, big stages lead to big anxiety." A dark chuckle followed. "That’s not even remotely funny," you scoffed. Marko gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I’m used to it by now."

He shifted his body, grunting softly as he stretched his cramped legs out in front of him. He leaned his head back against one of the crates behind him and glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. 

"But what you did really helped me." He spoke after a few seconds of silence. "I’m not quite sure I would have gotten through this one on my own, so I’m really grateful." You shrugged. "I’ve got a bit of experience with panic attacks as well, I’m afraid. So I know how bad they can get."

Marko’s gaze slowly shifted back to you. "Yourself or helping someone deal with it?" "Myself, unfortunately." You sat back into a more comfortable position, too. "Some events in life leave more scars than you can imagine," you added darkly.  "I’m sorry." Marko shortly rested a hand on your arm in support.  "What I just did with you, my sister used to do that for me whenever my anxiety flared up," you explained, "it always helped me through it, so…" You let your voice trail off.  "Well, tell her it’s a good technique." Marko winked lazily. "And I’m glad you’re the one who found me just now. Thank you." The sincere thankfulness was in his voice and in every fibre of his being. 

The two of you talked for a while longer, before Marko slowly hoisted himself back onto his feet. He looked steady again, ready to go, and a glimpse of the extroverted Baby Lasagna shone through the cracks again. 

"Will you be alright?" You stood back up, too.  "Yes." Marko nodded confidently. "I know it sounds strange, especially after what you’ve seen just now, but it feels like I needed to get this out of my system in order to be ready for tonight." You chuckled, glad to see the sparkle of joy back in his eyes, instead of the sparkle of tears and panic. "Come see me if anything threatens to overwhelm you again." Marko nodded gratefully. "I sure will."

[sillybayo]

Can't sleep. Time for me to elaborate on this

Notes:

-This is a copy and pasted ramble from discord with some tweaks now that I'm further into the game. This was originally written when I have only just started the third semester arc, and even now, I haven't finished the game. So no spoilers in the reposts or comments please :(! If you want a good idea of where I am, then I've only just started the actual change of heart mission

-The characters discussed in this ramble are high schoolers and below the age of 20. I don't know how old they are in strikers or in any other spin off, and I do not plan on playing them. So please do not leave any gross comments about them, I will only block you. (If you're familiar with my rgu rambles then this isn't anything like them,, I'm just annoying and scaring away half the fandom)

-Warning for a lot of ableism in the school system and beyond

----

Ok so its like. How ableism in school effects people in different ways and how to cope with it. This is semi headcanony? I don't know how bonkers of a statement it is? Basically its like Ryuji being mentally + physically disabled and constantly trying to fight for the best. Makoto is mentally disabled and masks for adults approval and just accepts how things are. Sumire could VERY easily be read as physically disabled I don't think I need to explain it that much. Neither of the phantom thieves fit into society in some way or another but with those three its a much more of a like. They will never fit in kind of thing.

Something that stands out to me the most is how Makoto is the only one who understands Ryujis "dumb moments".

(Sorry for the weird combination of video and screenshots. Tumblr is weird)

I don't reallyyyyyyyyyyy read it as "Makoto is smarter than everyone else which is how she even begins to get him". Its more like she actually understands. She gets it.

Like lets be for eel. Makoto was basically pressured into working super hard. Theres no way she struggles with it that is only and simply in the "everyone wants me to appeal to their expectations" way.

She is smart but I feel like her studying hard is something she forces herself to do with the weight of ableism on her shoulders, which only makes it harder. I'm not sure if I'm making sense???? but Ryuji and Makoto can easily be read as having adhd. Ryuji as the typical LOL RANDOM 🤪 boy that inconveniences everyone whos actually really tired and struggling really badly and working as hard as he can. Makoto can be read as "oh, no, she isn't disabled :). She acts normal" when she really is and it pushed to the limits and can't fight against it and create a better school experience for herself because of how everyone just denies it.

Theres also Sae actively trying to make sure Makoto gets the recognition she deserves. Yes, this is because Makoto is a girl in a world where men control everything. But I personally feel like theres also this intersectionality of misogyny and ableism, which only means Makoto has to work even harder and has more weight on her shoulders.

Additionally, adhd is already ignored when it comes to girls having it, because to society, its mainly a boys thing where they jump up and down and run everywhere. Girls aren't thought to have adhd because not only do they have to mask harder to be taken seriously, but also because society ignores other symptoms and just views them as normal or not as much of an inconvenience to them personally and not to the person who actually has the disability.

You can also VERY EASILY add the idea of Makoto being japanese into all of the intersectionality stuff. Mental disorders are even HARDER to get diagnosed when you're colored,, and nobody cares until its too late. East asian readers who live/have lived in east asia are completely free to add on to this and correct me, as I don't know what it would be like when the mass majority of people you're surrounded by everyday are the same race as you, as you wouldn't have to deal with stereotypes or the system being against you (unless I am wrong :<!), but I still feel like this is DEFINITELY worth mentioning

I'm not physically disabled (I suppose? Saying this because of depression aches but they likely don't count) so I can't really be as personal about Ryujis leg and Sumires,,,,,, everything. I feel like Sumire could be read as having an invisible disability thats not taken seriously. Something something internalized ableism something something the school being so hard on her is making everything worse something something chasing to be someone else when in the end it'll never work.

Even with Sumire becoming Kasumi just because she can't imagine living as "her murderer", theres something about living as someone with different privileges and expectations than you. Theres something about not being able to be "as good" as them, especially when everyone thinks you are them. Theres something about having to struggle with something that no one can see. "This is Kasumi, not Sumire. So why is she failing so much?"

Theres also something about Ryujis "perfect world" being focused on his leg healing. Yes, hes a part of the track team again. But they aren't really the focus. Think of characters like Sumires dad, Mika, and Shibusawa. They have character portraits/sprites. While this doesn't 100% mean that they're important, it does make you remember them better. It establishes their personalities better and they're mentioned quite a bit.

Meanwhile, the side characters in Ryujis social links are just known as, well, "the track team" and "the coaches". They do have names, but, please be honest with yourself, do you remember them? And they don't have actual sprites either. Just typical modules.

Meanwhile, when you go up and talk to Ryuji, Akira/Ren/The Protagonist doesn't ask about the team or anything. Its about Ryujis leg (and also how they met I guess which is quite romantic but thats not relevant). And its normal to wish your disability wasn't there at all. I wish so everyday. Its a very common experience, especially when your disability is a roadblock to achieving your dreams.

It kind of makes me think of Maruki as........kind of ableist? At least in the context of this headcanon. Because all he is doing is encouraging Sumire and Ryuji to conform into an identity that they'll never truly be, which only hurts them more in the end.

(If any physically disabled readers than to add onto this or correct something then feel free to! I'd love to hear it :3)

Basically what I'm saying is that these three specifically should come together and kiss. And snuggle. Maybe make out a little. Maybe burn down shujin. I came up with a ship name for them (niijimoyoshizawa) but as you can see, its ass. So theres that.

Even if you don't end up shipping them,, then I hope you imagine them being sweet friends to each other,, or that I've gave you a different perspective on their arcs

[thefirstknife]

so, with act 3 put into perspective (and, further, echoes + the old model) how much hope should we actually have for the next episode being better from a storytelling perspective?

the stories themselves have still been great imo, even if I have a few hangups about revenant myself, but the sudden switch in formats made the pacing extremely weird and I think the story suffered for it.

and I'm 100% in agreement about the media literacy issues in some parts of this community. I think some of that wouldn't be as bad with better pacing where people have to actually think about it before immediately getting an answer, but ofc the people that are rushing would still get one somewhere else (eg. leaks, youtube, etc) and probably go into it with an equally fixed idea of what they want to see.

I think rushing to change the release schedule when the episode was already mostly developed was an awful, awful decision. I understand they want to listen to their community but I think it could've/should've waited until they were structuring it with the new schedule in mind

I don't have the same amount of perspective for what could be, though. I've watched playthroughs of the whole game so far, but I didn't actually start sinking money into expansions until ~last August, so I feel semi uncomfortable weighing in since I don't really know the difference (ie. how seasons used to be.)

I've tried to look but I've been a little lost. What do we know about Bungie's plans for next ep?

thanks :)

Yeah the release schedule stuff has been very rough for Revenant. I believe it was more or less unanimously disliked. It definitely didn't help with the literacy or with people wanting to be engaged with the story, despite the story being really good.

Personally for me, the best schedule was Echoes. I don't really mind 8-ish weeks of story in a row we've had before that, but in Echoes it really felt nice to me to have an act of 3 weeks and then 3 weeks to chill and think about it and craft theories and keep the fandom alive. It was a nice cadence to me, not too long and not too short. I would like to see more of that, but I doubt it's happening.

Before that, seasons had between 7-9 weeks worth of story and it would be delivered week-by-week in a row at the start of the season. So first two months of the season were story each week. Some seasons had finales with epilogue happening at the end which would usually be some kind of special mini story update for the last week with a mission or something like that. It felt fairly cramped, depending on the story, and sometimes it also didn't get the pacing right because some weeks would be more packed than others. A lot of people complained that it felt very FOMO that you had to log in so many weeks in a row, despite the fact that you could play these weeks whenever you wanted so you could wait for the story to be over and then play all weeks at once. It definitely felt busier, but also sometimes very exhausting. This is why I enjoyed the 3 by 3 week pacing a lot.

Heresy wise, from the end of the year developer update:

Additionally, we’ve been evaluating feedback from Revenant’s content rollout, and we’ve made changes to Heresy that strike a better balance between everything dropping on day one of an Act vs. meaningful reasons to return throughout the Episode. We’re taking an approach where the vast majority of the activities content will be available on the first day of an Act and subsequent weeks will add or evolve the content based on the story. Also, we’re adjusting the Act rollout schedule so that there is less downtime in the gameplay calendar later in the Episode. Heresy will be our last season in the Episode format.

Genuinely unsure what this will entail. We seem to be getting a whole act at once again, but there will be more stuff that will require coming back next weeks and there will be less downtime between acts? If I'm understanding it correctly. But without seeing it, we don't know what that means. "Vast majority of the activities" will be available right away, but "subsequent weeks will add or evolve content based on the story." Perhaps there will be additional story-related subquests that will pop up in the weeks between acts maybe? Like fieldworks but different? I don't think we'll know until we get there. Probably spoilery to explain it in more detail.

My hope is that they had more time to adjust the way the story functions with the release schedule they're going for so that it'll feel a little more natural than Revenant did. I don't necessarily mind bigger drops on day 1, my main issue was a long waiting period in between and how that day 1 drop feels like. Because of the experience with Echoes and seasons before that, I kinda have an instinctive feel of how "long" things should be, so with Revenant I kept overthinking it and trying to "sort" the story into weeks, without much success. What would've been week 2 in act 1? No clue. I'd like that for Heresy it'll be a little bit better organised.

Generally it doesn't impact my enjoyment of the story almost at all as it's fairly easy for me to adjust to the feel of it and chalk it up to the technical issues as usual and just accept it and move on. But I would vastly prefer if seasonal stories were crafted with the schedule in mind because it always simply feels better to experience them as they were designed to be experienced. Really hoping that they had enough time to do that for Heresy and that it won't make people pass, ignore or dislike a good story because of it.

[yume-x-hanabi]

Life update

Posted on DW, but I figured I could update this blog as well now that I'm semi-getting back into social media...

I've sorta fallen off from the fandom and social media space, because life has been a lot these past few years. To sum up briefly:

- I made a couple of posts about it last year, but I bought an apartment in a new building (construction wasn't finished at the time). Running left and right to choose stuff such as flooring etc, getting things organized on the paperwork side (banks, notaries...), plus the move itself, took me a lot of time and energy. I've been living here full time for 10 months now though, and it's been great. Love the building (even tho it's not entirely finished orz), love the neighbourhood, and it's so great to have your own place. Missy seems at ease here, too, which is important. The balconies' guardrails are huge glass panes that go all the way to the floor with no gap, so that means I can let her out without supervision without fear of her falling/jumping off.

- Work, the main culprit for my withdrawal from fandom. I think I mentioned before that I took on more admin tasks a couple years ago, and while I enjoy the actual work when I get to it, it's a huge huge drain to my mental energy, esp when combined with everything else (class prep, exams, meetings etc). So it's pretty much killed my drive, and my already bad work-life balance just became worse and worse. Like, it's not that I don't have free time (perks of teaching = lots of holidays), but when I do I'm so mentally exhausted that I was pretty much only able to play mindless games like Solitaire or Civilization VI (which became like an addiction lol) or doomscroll on twitter or reddit. I pretty much lost my ability to engage with hobbies, except for the ones below, and I'm trying really really hard to come back and make it stick this time around.

- Speaking of hobbies though, I've gotten really into classical music and started attending concerts regularly. By perfect coincidence, my new place is at a 2-minute walk from my city's philharmonic hall, and I've been enjoying the heck out of that perk. My city's orchestra is really good, and their program so varied. When it was time to choose my subscription for next season, it was harder to choose which concerts not to attend (but a choice had to be made ;v;). Also I'm super stoked because they're playing my favorite symphony next year, I didn't expect to be able to hear it live so soon!

I think this really saved my mental health this year. Like, it's a bit hard to explain, but there's something really unique and relaxing about the atmosphere there. It's a bit intimidating at first, and I was really self-conscious about not making noise at the beginning, but I've gotten used to it now. Mostly, I think it helped me rediscover what it is to just sit down and enjoy the moment, without constantly looking for stimulation to my already overstimulated mind (silly aside, but before that I'd sorta lost the ability to binge a series without mindlessly checking my phone in the middle of episodes. Being "forced" to keep my phone away for the duration of a concert has really helped me recover my attention span). I think it helps my mind rest, if that makes sense? Also there's nothing comparable to listening to the music live in a hall with great acoustics x3

I followed the Queen Elisabeth Competition closely this year, live for a few finals performances when possible, the rest on TV, and it was really awesome. I think in four years I'll get the subscription for the whole finals week :p

- Relatedly, I've also started taking violin lessons. I'd always wanted to learn an instrument since I was a child (loved those mandatory recorder classes we had at school lol), but it never happened (partly because I was too passive as a child to actively ask for it, partly because my parents probably didn't want to have their eardrums massacred, so didn't offer it (wouldn't have said no if I'd asked, but as I said I wasn't good at asking back then)). It took me a while to actually make the jump, because I thought I'm too old now and there's no point, but I finally did with some encouragements from friends and colleagues and I'm really glad I did. Violin is... hard lol. I sound absolutely terrible. But it's also really fun? Like I feel like I'll never be good, but also I've made so much progress since I started. I don't have much time to practice (I aim at at least 10min a day these days, which isn't a lot, but it's better than nothing and it's more important to do it a little regularly than a lot once in a while). I'm really looking forward to the day I'll be able to attempt to play Xillia songs 😄 Also I really love my teacher<3

- Lastly, niece is 3 now and so fun to interact with. It's not always easy, she's very stubborn and willful, but she's also really sweet and funny. Love her ❤️ And she's just got a little sister! who's a very chill newborn, so different from niece#1 lol. I can't wait to see them play together when they're a little bit older.

Anyway, that's pretty much the main things that have been going on the past couple of years. Like I said I'm not sure I can be totally back, I think it's gonna take a lot of adjustment, but this time I really don't want to let another year pass by like that. I'm really gonna try hard to have better balance this time!

[primnroses]

I have been reading some of your (amazing) stuffs regarding to Sakura's power and honestly, the only reason why she was so neglected as a ninja is simply because she would have been overpowered to a point of being impossible to bench her in the way the original story did.

We talk a lot about her wasted potential, with a special focus on genjutsu and elements but the simply fact that she is a poison expert and has super human strength and Katsuyu would have made her stands out in battles. Poisons and super human strength are some of the most K.O skills not only in narutoverse but in other medias. Unfortunately, this story is not ready to see a girl in equal ground with men, specially when she was constantly sacrificed for their development. =( I think some of the angriest part of all this is how misogyny works even for female characters, I mean, Sakura is blamed for being neglected and sacrificed in favor of males, however if she was a guy, having the amount of potential she has, people would criticize the writing instead. I also dislike how a lot ppl on her own fandom dismiss her so much, trying to justify her being sidelined with her being a medic when she's also a FIGHTER and she trained to be both a medic and a fighter at the same time! It's funny how they use the medic card while worshipping her fight against Sasori, where she stands out precisely for being great as a medic and as a fighter lol I will always be frustrated with the wasted potential of this character.

I personally don't think she was wasted potential because that's a term used to describe her abilities or lack thereof, she just needed more fights.

But I agree about your point regarding being sidelined to favor male characters. That's a problem from the manga and it's also a result of Kishimoto revealing that he wanted to explore Sakura more but was never allowed to.

Other than that, her abilities were and are amazing, the problem is that she didn't have as many opportunities to show them off (I personally think Kabuto should've been her opponent because of the nature of their abilities) to full extent.

As a member of the fandom, I never use the "medical ninja should never fight" rule as an excuse to justify some scenes because it doesn't make sense. There are times where she fully completes her role as a medic, like moving from the Third Division to the Medical Division, but also taking advantage if her taijutsu by taking down White Zetsu.

She has always been able to balance both.

Whether she had the seal or not in order to ignore the 3 medical ninja rules, Sakura was still the only medical ninja able to fight. Later on she achieved the Byakugou, but she still took on opponents despite her medical ninja status, and not just any medical ninja, one of her calibre.

I'm not gonna say I'm 100% satisfied either because I think her own disposition as a master of chakra control since the earlier chapters could've created a Sakura able to control the 5 elements, or the whole genjutsu-type being semi explored, but that's also something that could or should be shown in spin-off material.

However, the story was always gonna be about Sasuke and Naruto, their Yin and Yang dynamic and their equal growth. There's no room for Sakura there obviously, but does that negate she's still 3rd strongest? No. It so happens her teammates are reincarnations of demigods.

Isn't it a bit funny to say that now that neither Sasuke or Naruto have Kurama or Rinnegan? Sakura is now stronger if we remember her war self was equal to KCM and double EMS, now the only thing left is one EMS and Sakura being in her prime.

But Boruto era isn't really relevant in this conversation.

We already know Sakura is a great kunoichi, she's a great fighter and she has very little competition, but we have never seen her in full strength, she has never gone all out, full arsenal against anyone.

No seal activated, no full taijutsu and no Katsuyu against anyone in battle. She's not wasted potential, it's just that prime Sakura has never been allowed to show off.

If Kishimoto had been able to write her the way he wanted to, and the current era or Blank Period cared enough to show the og generation wirh full strength, maybe these debates would end.

[marichild]

heyheyhey 3 and 4 for the fic ask game ?

*slides in* *puts on peace sign* HELLO TO THE BEST AKU STAN EVER <3

3. Do you have any upcoming WIPs? How fat along are you with them?

QUITE A FEW ACTUALLY! since you're my bsd moot I shall give you a small list of the ones I'm focused on posting at least by January <3

ALREADY BASKING IN THE SUN — kunikidazai canon, slice of life vibes, pining & fluff. teen and up. currently the first scene is written and I hope to have it out next week!

[redacted]

WHERE MY PULSE BEATS — soukoku college/high school au, band member!chuuya, soloist!dazai, whatever you can use to describe pre-dark era soukoku to lovers, explicit, I am still plotting this out very randomly

UNTITLED — soukoku canon relationship fix-it, missing scenes vibes, post-dead apple & post-cannibalism arc, explicit. still writing out random scenes to see how well it all fits together

UNTITLED — fyozai, vague college au, straight up just discussions of suicide. ghost!fyodor. mature. making notes for it and reading fyozai fic (giggles my fav bsd ship ever) to properly cement characterization!!

4. Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

AHDHHSHD I'LL COPY PASTE MY REPLY TO THE OTHER ASK!!

hoo boy. so, there was a sort of ambitious au I tried to write once—have you heard of twin star exorcists? I'm an anime enthusiast of it since I got pretty frustrated with where the manga was going what with the constant delays and derailing from the main point and the author not staying consistent with details, etc. that being said the anime doesn't fill a lot of gaps that should have been filled.

so while I was still pretty active in the kpop circles—which I probably will go back to soon lol when I feel less icky about the people I was beefing with—I tried to write a TSE au. while it wasn't my brightest idea to transpose a bunch of Koreans onto a Japanese setting, I also underestimated how difficult it'd be to handle all those canon details.

plus, exorcism is very heavily based on Buddhism, specifically in Japan, so I was just like. well am I prepared to potentially insult an entire faith. (research goes a long way kids! don't listen to younger mari) and I just sort of...let it falter and it doesn't even exist in my wip folder anymore </3

(it also involves a forced arranged marriage and the topic of being forced to have a kid, essentially, and I didn't want to genderbend anyone for it, so my solution was a trans man who was at least somewhat interested in having kids biologically one day, like me. once again, I didn't feel I did a very good job of it, and it was a little daunting to write it knowing that i did want at least a semi explicit scene that, once again, reflected me as a person. being a minor at the time, I let the idea go. and I was also much less confrontational at the time so I didn't think I could handle it if anyone was being weird about it lmao—which I fully can and will at this point.

that being said, I did write a fic about a trans man having a kid for a different fandom earlier this year, so I'm linking it if you're interested! very fluffy and family fun. and not explicit. though be warned, it is rpf lol)

HOWEVER!! I've actually considered picking it up again and rebranding as a soukoku au? once again, enemies to lovers, my transchuu agenda, my dazai can be any gender agenda, EXORCIST PRODIGIES, one of the characters has no idea where they came from and has a whole Bit about questioning their humanity. i.e. arahabaki parallels. there are a few gaps I'm trying to work out but it's definitely an idea haha)

fic ask game

[beifong-brainrot]

I mean, Aiwei was Suyin most trusted counselor. Almost family according to her (terra triad flashbacks) And then Suyin helped his objective (Korra) get out of the stronghold were she was being protected behind Lin's back? I would have distrusted it too, especially given the point in life where Lin and Suyin broke paths.

I have agreed with you on other things but these last few rants feel like you're demonizing Lin for not being Suyin's slave or something.

Actually, Lin was accusing Su of working for the Red Lotus BEFORE Aiwei's betrayal. I apologise if I didn't make that clear in my original post, I assume most folks would remember that. I would've even acquiesced the idea that Lin was justified in distrusting Su due to the Terra Triad (the flashbacks of which had nothing to do with Aiwei being like family to Su idk what you're on)... if it weren't for the fact that robbing a store with your buddies and acts of terrorism were two completely different things.

Furthermore, Suyin saved Lin, Mako, Asami and Bolin's lives during the attack, risked herself and her sons, strategised the plan that would get Korra back, executed it herself again risking her life and saved Lin again from Zaheer. These are not the actions of someone who wanted the Red Lotus to win. And Lin, as a policewoman should know that. But this is in character, I suppose, since she often seems to allow her personal biases to take priority over a job that requires you to be incredibly objective.

So while it's easy to say that Suyin was the first to 'betray' the sisters truce from the precious episode if you have the Lin horse blinders on, it was actually Lin who set the intitial hostility. I want to stress that this does not excuse Suyin's act of letting Korra out, but we are remiss to not remember that crucial aspect. Because while it would be best for Suyin to have just outright told Lin that she agrees with Korra, I can easily see how that would pivot to Lin being once again convinced that Su is working for the Red Lotus. And Su was already in an incredibly fragile mental state after being betrayed by a man whom she saw as family, and believe it or not, not everyone has the energy to deal with a 50 year old broody teen when they're in that state.

As for my recent posts, I'm not sure which time frame you're referring to, since I don't think I've made that many posts on Lin in the last few weeks? I purposefully stay more quiet on the subject because I often get some nasty anons (the reason I'm responding to you is because you were semi polite and also I wasn't aure if you messed up the timeline?). I've been tempted to write longer metas on Lin but literally know how most people in the fandom will react to anything less than favorable on Lin.

It's also important that a lit of my 'anti Lin', as I jokingly categorise them, posts are particularly meant as a bit of a response to a lot of the hate Suyin's character gets. They're more 'counterweights' i suppose. Meant to help people acknowledge the nuance of Lin's character, because the assumption is that most of the fandom does have a skewed perception of Lin, as is my experience. My previous posts that mentioned Lin was about Korra and Lin's relationship and the one before that I think was one where I was actually nice to Lin as I really enjoyed the minute details of her in the scene where she rescues Wing and Wei.

Saying that Lin is being 'demonised for not being Suyin's slave' is a bit rich, considering how many characters are piled onto by the fandom for not bending to Lin's every whim, even when she's actively being hostile towards them.

But yeah, I suppose they can come off as pretty salty and bitchy, and that's kinda because Lin is rapidly souring as a character for me due to the fandom surrounding her. And it affects my enjoyment of canon Lin too. While previously she was a reasonably enjoyable and layered side character, now I keep seeing the worst aspects of her writing, because she's so built up by the fandom that canon Lin is always a dissapointment to watch comparing her to fanon Lin.

[warsamongthestars]

I was in a rush when I did the first CX post, rage demanded I have no patience and must post (and I'm not sorry about that), but I wanted to expound on it more, probably with less spacer-swearing.

So.

I haven't seen arguments or stories about the CX clones beyond the Tech theory, and that's telling about how impactful they actually were on their own... which is, they weren't impactful at all. Their job on screen boiled down to "Look Pretty, Die to Hero", which is a waste of the potential that was being built.

They contributed little to nothing to the story and themes. (And I would argue that TBB has no themes beyond gift wrapping paper). There is nothing they did that can't be filled by the "Imperial Commandos" (All the RCs we kept seeing), the Elite Stormtroopers (going back to Season1), or even just, Stormtroopers but with a bit of spraypaint on.

And anything that they did bank on, particularly CX-02 (theorized to be Tech), didn't pay out, so it wasn't bank.

Let me break it down properly.

They're introduced as a threat as far back as Season 2, with one CX clone that commits suicide via electrocution (which is... a lot more awful way to go than the Spy Film James Bond Agent arsenic-in-tooth poisoning, lemme tell you). Then it was a bait-n-switch because were semi-lead to believe that the CX was Crosshair in those episodes.

And it wasn't.

Then we get introduced to CX-2 who had a trailer, a spooky voice (Not gonna lie, I did love that voice), a couple episodes of being the direct antagonist... and still didn't lead up to anything with his own death in battle. There were more CX clones that each had a unique body type, unique armor, and unique equipment, and yet... they didn't amount to anything save to be your Name-Your-RPG-Game-ENemies to be defeated.

Reasonable and easy story-telling says that CX-02, specifically is Tech. CX-02 did not turn out to be Tech.

If the idea was that it was a bait-n-switch like the first CX, let me assure you, its not. Anyone who claims otherwise is talking out their shebs, and should be boo'd off stage, preferably with fresh tomatoes.

Bait-n-Switch requires in-story build up, from direct and obvious scenes shown to the audience, to characters talking about it or having wishful thinking, and then paying it off by tricking them and or the audience by showing that our assumptions were wrong.

You have to show that you've planned for it. Stories that plan that sort of thing have beats you can follow. There are no beats to follow in TBB, because it insists on contradicting itself too much and never dedicating itself.

So by Character Standards, the CXs have already failed as a narrative tool. They were semi-teased on social media, set up in story, as soon as season 2, as a potential player among characters--only to fall horribly short when the time came to show-no-tell.

( This is not the fault of the concept, but the fault of the handlers. )

CX clones as a concept for Star Wars, are meant to equate to the clone assassins found in the Republic Commando books and encountered in the Comics, as well as the early 2000s Prequel Star Wars games. They hunt down those who won't go to war for the true sith masters.

CX Clones as a concept for the TBB story, are Clone Experiments (Because X as an acronym means Experiment) that are sent out to assassinate or disrupt non-imperial politicians, dissidents, and more; serving as direct antagonist to Rex's Rebels, with a vague CF99 flaire.

It starts with the implication that these are clones that believe in the Empire policies (... because the story at this point decided that the chip was non-existant and that clones are loyal to orders enough to commit slaughter and genocide on a flip of a credit chip... but that's an issue for a different discussion).

They are later, by showing us, found to be placed in cryostorage, and awoken ("Activated") to perform missions. This suggests a severe dehumanization; brainwashing, unethical medical treatments--what our TCWs fandom would call "reconditioning". They are treated as the very droids they once fought against, both in battle and in treatment of themselves. They are the clone trooper at the lowest possible point.

This places, by the show's very own set up implications, that CX clones are tragic figures who lost their humanity in the face of an unfeeling Galaxy, a dehumanizing and demoralizing Empire, and potentially, were being made during the Republic (Giving how many there are).

The TBB show follows, it outright shows what the CXs are about.

And then, it pays off its showing, by killing them all enmass, without conversation or consideration, without character's discussing or story revolving.

I don't know bout anyone else, but uh, I'm pretty sure most shows, that do the whole "my friend / family / lover was brainwashed-Possessed-Apart-Of-The-Hivemind, I must save them" bit... usually go for the "Save them / Fail to Save them" option, and not the "Mow them down and let the Force sort them out".

This isn't the first time this behavior by the narrative has happened--it treated Crosshair the same way; by making him the enemy for a season (because as the "Jerk" character, he is "obviously evil" and will "devolve into evil ways" the first chance he gets), for a reason that they outright show is why he turned, but then attempted to blame him for his choices (as if the show hadn't already shown us that, on Episode 1, they GREW THE TUMOR IN HIS BRAIN BY 3 SIZES LIKES ITS THE HEART OF THE GRINCH, and then never ever showed it was ever removed) [ Social Media posts don't count--if its not in-story, its not there, and if the TBB writers don't like it, tough shit], and then when the line came, the show decided to abandon him to the otherside whilst his brothers ran, in an awful attempt to keep "status quo".

CX clones are semi-intended by narrative to be a contrast to Crosshair, but the problem is, is that they're not by context. They're a replacement to him so that the show can maintain the shit status quo it caused by poor choices and disrupted for a bout of victim blaming to show some... lesson about guilt apparently.

They're not the Bad Batch's foils, nor their parallels, they're the antagonist to a group we only see a few times (Rex's Clone Rebellion), and they're meant to replace Crosshair as the Imperial Enemy / Rival Character.

... And that's not interesting, because once again, the TBB trips up with "Enemy of another story". Once again, the "true story" is elsewhere and we get the nonsense scraps.

What would've made the CX clones work, is if they were there since the begining. Instead of the stormtrooper Elites, it was CX clones that worked with a brainwashed-mindcontrolled Crosshair, to show a darker half of the Republic (which leads into how it became the Empire so fast), and actually give the Bad Batch a set of contrasts-foils.

If we intended to follow the Donut Steel as a legit story, then having the CX-Clones as Team Rocket to the Bad Batch's Pokemon Heroes, would've done a world of good for the story. It wouldn't fix everything, but it would keep to the intention of "Family", and we just top it off with the CX Clones with Crosshair, leaving their position to heal from their trauma away from Wars and Empires and giving a "fuller family" to Omega by the end.

This would've allowed exploration of clone life post-Republic, how both Republic and Empire treated the clones, as well as a lead into exploration of trauma, PTSD, analogs to non-consenting situations, shifts of government in to a darker state of leadership and policy, as well as how you survive such situations... and that's with those who have stuck with you thick and thin as "brothers".

But no. They're a wasted opportunity, wasted characters, and only serve as some bonus bosses. They are not allowed to contribute anything, because that would mean the writer's would have to explore them... and the writers can't even explore their own main characters.

Worse, because the Ending "The Calvary Has Arrived" was written before all 3 seasons were released, the CXs were doomed to die as shallow what-ifs, without history or impact.

Like its a fucking early 2000s fanfic on ff dot net.

[rickwithtits]

"Hm... seems this type of research might actually prove useful."

"I was expecting you lot to be insufferable, irritating, useless dickwa-augh-ads that I c-could easily disregard but... looks like I surprised myself." She sighs and lets go of the holographic dimensional file in her hand, and it flies right back into place in the shifting spiral behind her. "I guess that means setting this place up to be more... permanent."

"To the non-Ricks, be grateful I let you agh-sk me questions, just know I only answer the ones I want to. You're lucky I'm a f-fairly straightforward woman, at least compared to some of my male c-counterparts."

"To the Ricks on here, it's come to my attention that my scientific research has come off as 'nosy' and 'gossipy', so... I guess I'll explain myself."

"My research isn't just a hobby, or taking note of which Ricks are hooking up with each other; it's inherently linked to my studies of The Central F-Finite Curve. When Evil Morty punched a hole through it, it altered the integrity of the logarithmic parameters for the infinity filter of The CFC, allowing f-for discontinuous dimensions to filter in until it was f-fixed. I'm analyzing those discontinuities, and the rest of The Curve, f-for my safety and yours. You're welcome."

"I'm already monitoring you, what's a f-few questions? This isn't even my top priority and besides, it's not like I'm hiding anymore."

"I'm not your f-friend just because you're a Rick. ... but if you wanted to grab some drinks at Blips n Chitz sometime or need he-egh-lp or some bullshit I c-could try to find some time."

[[ooc under cut]]

!!MINORS DNI!!

• Due to Riq's sometimes rated-R nature she's not safe for minors. HOWEVER I might follow you from here because this blog is where I keep track of the R&M RP, but that is not permission to interact. I consider interaction any direct links between this blog and another blog through reblogs or asks.

• 18+ Topics: Violence/gore and substance abuse mostly, potential emotional abuse between her and her Morty (Moira/Mori). I'll tag anything with these things #18+, anything sexual will be tagged #spicy.

• #lore tag for mini-fics following her and her family. #interactive for rp starters, #past-interactive for closed rp starters. #answered for my asks that I've answered, #my asks for asks I've sent other rp blogs. #interactions for what it sounds like.

• Riq is like a jawbreaker, don't let her harsh exterior keep you from poking and prodding, she's got layers. She may act like C-137 on the outside but on the inside she's more like J-19Z7 (with more murdery and self-destructive tendencies but still) as she's directly between them in The Curve.

• I write like I'm taking everything seriously but that's just cos I'm shit at writing humor and she's so autistic she takes everything literally, by all means mess with her I love chaos and silliness. I prefer semi-lit to literate but whatever's more fun to you is good for me. More active in the discord as I'm more used to discord than tumblr, ask if you want an invite!

• Mun is 21+ if that wasn't obvious already. My fandom blog is rickle-n-mort-enthusiast, my main is maladaptive-escapism.

• Sorry if I don't reply right away I overthink all my responses and I'm quite busy, thank you for being patient <3

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[lord-aldhelm]

The Future of this Blog

In light of recent developments, I felt compelled to write this post. As this is something that actually affects me directly and personally, I felt the need to discuss it. You all can agree with me or disagree with me; this is my own opinion and decision.

It is my personal and biased opinion that actors, celebrities, and entertainers should steer clear of fandom spaces online. Them infiltrating these spaces is problematic in many ways, but first and foremost it creates unnecessary tension and anxiety, both for the fans and for the actor. When you know for certain that the actor is watching everything you do, you no longer have a safe space in which to express yourself freely and without shame. Fandom spaces can be toxic enough as it is, without also fearing upsetting or disturbing the very actors whose work you are discussing.

Unless the actors in question get "really cool about a lot of things really fast" it will always backfire. I know there are some celebrity accounts right here on Tumblr, and they have had varying levels of success. I also know that Jeppe is a frequent flyer on The Last Kingdom subreddit and to my knowledge he is very respectful of the fans there and has not caused any problems. But that is the exception, not the rule.

I will say that I have done a piss poor job of keeping my fandom and my personal and professional stuff separated. (Apparently I like to shit where I eat, lol.) That is my own fault really. But mostly I don't really care if anyone knows who I really am, because everything in my life bleeds together. I am not beholden to anyone besides myself, so no one will care what kind of weird stuff I am into. Other people have their reasons for staying anonymous and keeping their personal stuff strictly separated from their fandom stuff and that is understandable and respected.

We all know, as bloggers, that the stuff we post in here is public. There is no illusion of privacy here. Even if you have your blog settings set up so that it does not appear in Google search, or excluded from Tumblr search, or that only logged in accounts can view your profile, people can and will find your blog and view it. My blogs all are fully public, viewable by anyone, and included in both searches. I also have no illusion of privacy. However, I think there is an unspoken understanding that your blog is your "safe space", and should be respected as such. Just like the various fanfic sites are also safe spaces (but also public) where you can create freely and openly.

There is a saying "Don't post anything online you would not want your mother/daughter/etc to see". And that is probably true on Facebook or Instagram, where you family is probably already following you and will see what you post. Here the rules don't apply. If everyone here only posted stuff that was uncontroversial, tame, watered down, and sterile, this place would be boring as hell. This *is* the gay autism site after all. There are a lot of daydreaming artistic types who feel this is the only place where they are truly free to be themselves. To share their experiences and write about things that are dear to them, whether that is identifying mushroom species or writing deranged smut. (no judgement lmao)

With all of this being said, I will make it very clear that I WILL NOT be shutting this blog down!! I am not ashamed of anything that I have posted or will post in the future. I will NOT be censoring myself, and I WILL NOT be made to feel guilty about ANYTHING I say on here. I am generally very respectful and honestly mostly pretty tame (especially compared to some of y'all) but even if I have an unhinged rant or semi-feral moment in the tags I do not want to feel like I have to "dial it down" just because "someone" might see it and judge me.

I am not actively seeking to broadcast and get unwanted attention on this blog. But in the same token I will not try to hide anything.

This blog is MY SAFE SPACE. It is my home. I will continue to draw my beautiful artwork, write my little stories, share my thoughts and feelings, post my memes and edits, and interact with my mutuals and friends on here because it brings me great joy and NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE will take this away from me!!

This fandom has brought me a lot of joy and opened me up to new experiences, allowed me to be myself and connected me with some amazing people from all over the world. It has become a very important part of my daily life, and enriched me in ways I never could have imagined. I never want to feel like I have to go back to hiding away parts of myself out of fear or humiliation.

I am so damn tired of feeling like an outcast. I have finally found a place where I feel like I somewhat belong and I will not be chased out.

/rant

[non-un-topo]

WHY did you have to give a presentation about trans fanfiction at your job? not judging or anything, i'm actually kinda jealous

Okay rant incoming sdfggfds. I work at a tiny feminist library, and my supervisor signed me up for a Zoom lecture. I'm not gonna lie, I wanted to jump into a black hole I was so embarrassed. Only because my coworkers know nothing about fanfic or fandom and I'm the token trans, and the prof giving the presentation talked VERY in-depth for an hour about mpreg and omegaverse, and how this type of fanfic is technically activism because in them the male body is "open and penetrable." She mentioned Sherlock and Supernatural, too. Like, picture a fandom girlie just having fun and doing her thing, but make it Very Academic(tm).

BUT THE JOKE IS ON ME because there was not one single thing this (cis, mind you) woman said that I did not know. There were things the guests asked her about that she didn't know. Woman is making a career writing about trans headcanons and tee hee yaoi femboys but she had never heard about the operatic castrato or apparently read any relevant trans literature. I asked for book recommendations for the library and she struggled a lot before giving me a graphic novel I already own ("Genderqueer"), "Heartstopper," and "I am Jazz." I remember when Jazz Jennings came OUT, bro. But before all that, her first response was to walk me through HOW TO USE AO3. I obviously did not tell her I'm very familiar with the website and am an author on it. I think she thought I was asking because I wanted to do research on fanfiction or something.

Her name is Jennifer Duggan, if you want to read some of her publicized work on fanfic. It is interesting that this is being researched in academia now, I will say. She had some interesting and meaningful things to say about how trans fanfic breaks the barriers between cis and trans readers, how it can foster community between us, how it counts as activism (think, against J.K. Rowling), how it depicts trans bodies as beautiful and lovable, unlike most mainstream media depictions of trans stories, and she addressed how fandoms need to be more inclusive to QPOC and transnational stories.

Like I don't want to self-deprecate or make anyone else feel bad, but think about how embarrassing this is lol. I'm the only trans person in my workplace and in my classes --- despite being in gender studies, I know. There aren't that many of us after all ---, and seemingly the only person who knows anything about fandom. I will now have to talk about this presentation as part of my routine in-class presentation advertising the library. Why? I don't fucking know. We can't have fanfiction at the library. I don't talk about my online life outside of the computer, and no one knows that I'm not only a semi-known ao3 author, but that I write trans fanfiction LMAO. It's rather private, and I'm worried I'm becoming the spokesperson for all trans issues at my work and school. But also, screw it. I don't hate that. This lecture pretty much convinced me I have to go to grad school and fight some of these scholars though, so shiiiit.

[desultory-novice]

Who, in the notable Kirby cast, do you think would be willing to become Susie's friend? Aside from Kirby himself of course, as I had already asked about Susie/Kirby interactions previously, so this time this is about how she may be with others!

The rest of the wave 3 dream friends would be good options, as I believe they've all got various things in common with Susie that they'd be able to connect with her about.

I also nominate ChuChu for a friend choice. I had indeed seen the "It's Kirby Time!" stuff where there's one image that has both ChuChu and Susie in it. Two pink girls becoming friends would be totally legit. Susie could even treat ChuChu like a "little sister friend" for when she comes by Popstar.

It's probably the fact that she gives off major lesbi... girl power energy, but I think Susie would work especially well with any of the girls and femme-leaning members of the Kirby main cast!

Susie and Chuchu, as you said, is already implied by the extra material and going by Chuchu's personality in DL3, it's not easy to see why they'd like each other! They both like pretty things, having a good time, and maintaining their own space. They're both a little stubborn, and they're both into girls talk!

Susie and Adeleine is another potential friendship I'm fond of - Ado would probably enjoy having a big sister figure and I'm sure Susie has a lot of stories to share. Some horrifying, considering her childhood growing up in Another Dimension! XD

I don't know if Susie and Ribbon would get along quite as well, depends on how Susie takes to entirely magical beings like fairies. ("I don't believe in occult nonsense!" Susie channeling Seto Kaiba.) But I get the feeling if she ju~st might see her as more of a "curiosity" and that might get in the way of their becoming really close on Ribbon's side as she doesn't strike me someone who'd like that?

(Though they could still bond over their love of pink.)

Despite what I said about fairies, I could see her getting along decently with Elline?! Mostly because Elline's attitude just seems more in line with Susie's. And something about Seventopia's color fairy being something of a living children's book would probably resonate with the woman who lost her childhood. (It would be funny to see Susie and Claycia start talking about their favorite artworks only to stir each other up into getting kind of snobby about art while the others just groan and wait for it to be over.)

Susie and the trio of Franny, Berge, and Zan is practically a given. Susie has a semi-canonical rivalry with Fran over their looks but there's no reason it can't be a friendly one. Susie and Zan could share their various traumas and their both being workaholics.

Susie and Berge might seem like the pair with the least in common, but, paying homage to the semi-common fandom idea of the Mage Sisters all being gaming addicts, I can see totally Susie right there with them on the couch, getting incredibly competitive and shouting into her headset mic in a way that makes Berge burst into giggles!

-

Stepping away from the girl side of things, I also like the idea of a strange friendship forming being Susie and Daroach! 

Daroach is a self-proclaimed ladie's man and Susie is very proud of her looks. (Both narcissists, lol! :cough:) Daroach has a lot in common with Meta Knight - intelligent, suave, leader of men, has an airship - and we know that the masked swordsman caught Susie's interest at first glance. Susie, meanwhile, assuming she hasn't been sued for everything she's worth, possesses a lot of money/capital.

They're both off-worlders and capable of interplanetary travel, which should overcome any initial biases she might have about him being "backwards" or too low-tech. Another thing they've got in common is she and Daroach are both involved in undercover activities!

She's an industrial spy; he's a phantom thief! 

...This is sounding like I'm writing propanda for a potential ship. ^^; Then again, they both have some bi vibes...! Mainly with Meta Knight. Hmm... Maybe they're actually just Meta Knight-sexual?! In which case, there's something else they have in common! XD

Ooh, this reminds me, I SWEAR I had a really good ask in my inbox talking about Daroach and Susie along the lines of comparing them for their criminal activities but when I went looking for it, I couldn't find it! My sister tells me Tumblr eats messages all the time tho. Still a shame. I was looking forward to answering that one. Anyway! Canonically attractive criminals! They should be pals!!

[bonetrousledbones]

💥💥explosion sounds💥💥💥💥💥💥

halloo this is my blog for undertale-flavored skeletons. i like AUs a whole lot and have about 538 different versions of papyrus. dealing with fucking giga-burnout at the moment so things aren't super active but i sure am here

as of around january 2024, i don't post my art anywhere except for tumblr. as long as you ask for permission and credit me in your bio/pinned post i don't mind my art being used for profile pictures or banners, but otherwise i do not give permission for my art to be reposted or used anywhere, or for anything else. if you see my art reposted i would strongly appreciate it if you asked the poster to take it down and/or let me know so that i can ask them myself if needed. *this doesn't apply to reblogs, obviously.

i'm not gonna list out a whole DNI but i am gonna ask that proshippers & other folks who typically align with that crowd, please leave me alone. yall have not been kind to me in the past and i don't tolerate it anymore. it's a pain in the ass to block people from a sideblog & tumblr staff seems extremely uninterested in making that easier at any point so literally all i'm asking is for you to Please stay out of my space. thanks

other blogs/commonly used tags/other semi-relevant links under the cut. click read more if you wanna make the post reeaallly looonggg

@spingtail

^ main blog, pretty much just reblogs. i yap in the tags a lot

💥bonetrousledbones

^ literally just a link to the desktop theme for this blog that you're already looking at because i like it a lot and not enough people are ever gonna get to see it

but i paid $10 for it so You're Gonna See It

💥btw if you scroll down the sidebar and click on the tab titled "navigation" you can read everything on this post in a significantly less horrible format

@ask-the-bone-boys

^ my ask blog. currently inactive because of The Burnout but it's the thing i've worked on for 7 years now & what almost all the various AUs i talk about here are for.

when i talk about "atbb" this is what that is

basically imagine if underverse was papyrus and also that papyrus had something so very deeply wrong with him to the point that even other fucked up AUs are kinda weirded out. yeah sure that's the summary i'm gonna run with

I'm done working on the ask blog format (outside of the current ARG-flavored event I've had to pause) but eventually I'll be rewriting it into a fic series instead

here's the series on ao3 so far. it has 8 works, mostly oneshots for now but there's a few multichapters in there too. i consider them all prologues for the "main" story which is what i'll be rewriting

also here's just a bigass infodump about it too lol idk

@mothbbones

^ blog for non-undertale art. relatively inactive because undertale is basically all i draw but it has some ocs & sonic fanart on it

if you're interested in my 18+ secret blog, send me an ask OFF ANON so that i can confirm you're an adult and i'll give you the url. mostly papcest shipping thoughts, 18+ headcanons/character analysis, art once in a blue moon (not That kind)(yet), and other things i just don't feel like talking about over here. occasionally spammy & very disorganized compared to this blog lmao

common tags (excluding fandom/AU tags)

#trousled rambles <- basic text posts #trousled arts <- basically all of my art (wips are usually untagged) #trousled dumb <- stupid shit idk #trousled reblogs <- reblogs. believe it or not #awesome art that i adore <- fanart/gifts for me #skeletal speculations <- theories & analysis

#atbb <- for posts about the ask blog NOT gonna list out each atbb character tag one by one since this is already long enough, just look at the tags for this post here- it has all of them & the post itself also (kinda) says who's who

ok thats it as compensation if you read this far you can look at this weird fucking dog i found

[bluejaysandblackbats]

You're Just Like Quicksand

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Batman Beyond

Summary: Jason Todd is ready to go into semi-retirement after fifteen years working with troubled youth, but one case in particular forces him to confront the sins of his youth and painful memories from his past. (TW // Character Self Harm Mention in this chapter)

Chapters: 11/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Terry McGinnis, Warren McGinnis, Mary McGinnis, Matt McGinnis, Bruce Wayne, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Retired Jason Todd, Multiple POV, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, Angst, Mourning Jason Todd

Chapter Eleven: Second Chances (Jason Todd's POV)

Terry’s a great kid, but I couldn’t relax without watching them from my phone during the meeting. The mayor was as stressed as most people would imagine the mayor of Gotham to be. He kept clearing his throat and asking me if I needed something. “So, you want at-risk teens partnering with politicians and top executives and—.” 

“What’s wrong with that? Most executives I know have the money and resources to make their criminal histories and academic failings disappear. These kids don’t bother trying because they understand it’s not what you know it’s who you know. The least we can do to clean up this city is to ensure these kids get to know people willing to be their bridge to a better life,” I interrupted. The mayor was a pushover, and he barely knew politics. He got stuck being mayor of Gotham because no one else wanted the headache. I knew if I made him look like a classist prick on camera, he’d fold. “I came from nothing. If it hadn’t been for my father adopting me, I don’t know where I’d be today.”

I glanced at my phone and smiled at Terry cradling Avery-Marie while she sucked her thumb. “I’ve already lined up individuals interested in letting kids shadow them… And it isn’t just top execs and politicians. There are blue-collar positions as well as white. I want them to cycle through all sorts of careers. Low-income and at-risk kids deserve to know they have options no matter where they come from. I’ve known people who came from nothing, went to community colleges, and worked their way up. I handpicked individuals that these kids could relate to. I’m meticulous and active in my business, so I’d drop in to supervise… It’s all in the plans I sent you. Did you have a chance to read through?” I knew he didn’t. He skimmed it at best. “My programs have a high success rate. Literacy and graduation rates are up. We’re funding therapy, tattoo removal, gas detoxing, and—.” 

“What about your more dangerous clients?” the mayor asked. I swallowed hard. I knew he wanted to allude to the incident... And it triggered me. It was my greatest shame. I had tunnel vision, and I couldn’t hear anything outside of my children screaming. My assistant touched my shoulder. 

“Right,” I replied, “I’ve since started screening which specific kids I want to be involved in the pilot program. I’ve met each child, looked at their files, and they volunteered to do a psychological screening. I believe in second chances. I believe in people. I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, but I refuse to allow that to be my excuse for turning my back on the children here. If a city shows love to its children, I guarantee that some of them will love us in return. We can’t put an end to the city’s problems, but we can minimize the causes.” I couldn’t buckle on the issue. We went back and forth until he had no choice but to greenlight my program. 

I left the meeting feeling sick to my stomach. I splashed my face in the sink, trying to drown out the sounds of my kids’ screams. My phone rang, pulling me out of the fog. I answered without looking. “Hello?” I answered. 

“Dad… Hey, um—. Hey, Dad,” his voice shook. 

“Andrew? Hi, Drewby,” I smiled. I hadn’t heard from Andrew since the incident. He’d gone off the grid and I lost him. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive. “What’s going on?” 

“Dad, I’m in the hospital,” Andrew replied. 

“Which one?” I questioned. 

“I’ll send you the location… We should probably talk more in person. Are you busy?” Andrew replied.

“Never too busy, Drewby. Send me the location, and I’ll be there,” I answered. 

“I gotta go, but I’ll be here… And uh, I don’t have anywhere to—. That’s not your problem—.” 

“It is my problem… I’m always gonna be your dad. I didn’t quit because you grew up,” I reassured him, “I’ll see you in a minute.” Andrew hung up and texted me. 

I drove straight there, stopping to call Terry. “Hey, Terry, I’ll be a little late. Something came up,” I explained, “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, Avie’s great. She fell asleep on my lap, so I’m stuck watching TV… How’d your thing go?” Terry asked.

“I got everything I wanted,” I replied, “And Terry, thanks so much for helping me out. I owe you extra for watching her longer than planned.”

“No problem,” Terry replied. We exchanged goodbyes, and I entered the building and let security check me. 

I put my phone, wallet, keys, and belt in the basket before signing in at the front desk. “Is Andrew Todd here?” I questioned. The man at the desk hesitated. 

“Can I see ID?” he asked. I gave him my ID and let him scan it. “He put your name on his medical release form.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” I asked. He pressed a button on the computer and I heard a gate click. 

“He had a psychotic episode in the Gotham City Mall,” the man answered. Vague. Andrew had no history of mental illness. He had his troubles, but he never struggled with anything like that.

Andrew came out, and my breath caught. I hadn’t seen him in five years. But, I would’ve known my son anywhere. I reached for him, hesitating before asking to hug him. Andrew wouldn’t look me in the eye, but I couldn’t stop smiling. He opened his arms, and I hugged him. “Where’ve you been?” I asked. I shook my head before he could answer and took his bag. “Are you hungry, Drewby?” 

Andrew nodded. “Can I come home for a little while?” Andrew asked. I smoothed his hair down.

“Of course. Of course, you can come home,” I answered. I went into autopilot with him. I let him in the car, and he buckled in while I dropped his bag in the back seat. “Can we talk about what happened? Or do you wanna eat first?” 

“I tried to drown myself in the fountain… I think I got pretty close,” Andrew answered. He seemed distant, but I didn’t push him for a reaction. “Do you remember when Mom died?” 

It would’ve been a random question had any of my other kids asked, but Andrew was with her when she died. He was home sick from school, and she took a nap with him and never woke up. Andrew called me in tears, and it was devastating. I remembered him begging them not to zip her up in a body bag. He insisted she wouldn’t be able to breathe. “I remember,” I whispered. 

“I never told you what her last words were. I thought it would hurt you,” Andrew mumbled. He stroked his hand with his ring and middle fingers. It was something his mother used to do when Avery dissociated. 

“Will you tell me now?” I asked. It’d been eighteen years since. If he wanted to hurt me, he would’ve done it five years ago during the incident. Andrew nodded.

“I was scared because I thought you and Mom were getting a divorce, so I asked her… And before she went to sleep, she said, she couldn’t live without you and that I didn’t need to worry because she loved us… Her exact words: Daddy drives me crazy, but I can’t live without him. You don’t have to worry about our family breaking up. We love you, Drewby ,” Andrew replied. I choked back tears. “I like that moment. It was the last time I felt like everything would be okay.”

I couldn’t speak. What would I tell him ? How could I explain to him what changed in five years? How could I tell him about his niece and Avery and—? How could I explain Terry? Even if he wasn’t the kid I mentored five years ago, I couldn’t explain him to Andrew. It felt like a betrayal… But how could I lie?

[jellybeanium124]

controversial izzy opinion under the cut

I really hate that just because the canyon said "ed's a horrible monster and Izzy's the REAL Suicidal!!" that the jar has taken a hard left into "izzy only wanted to die for perfectly logical reasons which exempts him from being suicidal and ed's the only Real Suicidal" like ofc Ed had an arc about being suicidal and isn't a horrible monster (fuck the canyon and their racist ass takes) but izzy is also in a mental health crisis from 2x02 to 2x04?? like he is clearly mentally unwell??

like, okay, when I was 16 I hated my life so much every time I was driving alone in my car I wanted to get t-boned by a semi and sent to the hospital. does that count as suicidal?? was the fact that it was my situation causing me to not want to live this way anymore make me Not A Real Suicidal? Was the fact that I believed in a better future (college) and that was why I never wanted to die for real exempt me from having suicidal feelings?? Because izzy doesn't hit that last checkbox! He doesn't have hope for a better future so he wants to die! He can't face reality so he drinks and drinks!

I just don't understand why it has to be one or the other. either ed is the Real Suicidal or izzy. why can't they both have a suicidal arc. and they're different! they're not the same arc! also, like, ed had a pretty major external factor turn him from passively suicidal (like he is in 1x04) to actively suicidal: IZZY!!!! izzy pushed him over the edge into actively wanting to die! it wasn't internally caused!

I'm just so completely over the way each side of the fandom has this need to not share one single opinion. I get that the canyon sucks. I think the canyon sucks a lot and their takes are bad, and racist, and show a complete lack of understanding for the show. because if you think izzy is suicidal in 2x08 you're a fucking dumbass who completely missed how receiving the unicorn leg made him realize there is a better future for him. but before that? he wanted to die! he tried to kill himself! I just can't wrap my head around why he doesn't count. people have argued with me already about this and I did research and explained how he experiences anomic suicidal feelings so idk what else to say really. yeah. sorry.