#and ballistic is divorced

[mediumsage]

[krytus]

[anonymous-gambito]

Okay, so how old were Ballister and Ambrosius when they chose their last names in the comic? Because imagining it happening before or after the breakup are different kinds of funny

[rizumuj]

Nimona Spoilers/Thoughts ahead:

I'm sorry, but ain't no way in hell would I ever date/be romantic with a mf who severed my arm and didn't trust me when I needed them to trust me the MOST!!! Like WHAT THE HELL!? That is not love??? That is not weathering the storms?????

A great movie nonetheless, but my gosh!!!

[allidde]

Am I hallucinating or does Ballistic have an idle lobby animation of him touching his left ring finger...? O_O

[suiana]

yandere! malewife who is indecisive and can't decide on whether he wants to love or hate (also love, just with insults added instead) you today.

imagine ur cute lil guy that you love going "you're such a horrible spouse i hate you, go die" out of nowhere then you bring up the divorce card and he goes all ballistic

"ugh i hate this. this is the third sandwich I've made for you today and-"

"let's get a divorce."

"if you divorce me i will fuck up your life so bad, manipulate you into thinking that I was the only good thing you had that you have no choice but to get back with me."

like this guy is actually insane. he will not leave you alone and he will actually commit all the atrocities he threatens to do.

"wow this guy looks hot af"

"who? this random on the internet? you like them?"

"yeah this guy is kinda cute ngl"

"why are you looking at him? i will steal his skin and wear it if you keep complimenting him. you only need me. actually, do you want me to look like him? huh? should i start working out? buy a whole new wardrobe? just say yes and I'll do it all for you."

you actually don't know why you married him if he was going to threaten you for every little thing you did. you can't even talk to someone else without him getting all mad and upset. maybe it's cause you secretly like the way he's obsessed over you.

or maybe he's just cute. you'll never know.

what you do know is that you like providing him with what he needs and being the person he relies on. well, tbh, you're pretty sure he's like some secret underground black market trader or something because he gets money from nowhere. money you didn't give him. but you trust what he says. if he says he didn't do it, he probably didn't, right?

"hey honey how come you have 300k more in your bank account? i haven't sent you your monthly allowance."

"i actually harvest people's organs and sell them in the black market."

"...really?"

"no haha just kidding! i just saved up physical cash that you gave me and forgot to put it in until today❤️"

"oh ok"

yeah, you love your malewife 😁👍

[sir-ballister-boldheart]

Neither is breaking the holy thread your beloved bestowed upon you to save your life that you then proceed to break in order to capture him and bound you to him, for better and for worse. But here we are 😔

Ah yes, my favourite trope: homoerotic betrayal

When you got to arrest your best friend/boyfriend because he is an enemy of the oppressive state and you are the state's enforcer :/

[xinxiaogato]

— you're dating who!?

summary. no one believes that you’re dating the esteemed duke of the fortress of meropide. that man is only ever seen locking lips with the orifice of a teacup. however, all of that changes when you and your alleged “boyfriend” are invited to a coworker’s dinner party.

love interest. gn!reader x wriothesley.

warnings. unedited, cursing, bullying, attempted homewrecking, mentions of blood, murder, and assault (nothing crazy), slight angst, lack of communication, a bit suggestive (mentions of light bdsm).

word count. 2,187

note. happy late birthday to wriothesley! this shortfic was inspired by a scene from spy x family (iykyk). you are referred to as “reader” by the way!

while loading up your plate with chips and french fontainian onion dip, you could sense the smugness of your colleagues from all the way across the dining room.

“i mean, we all saw this coming, didn’t we?” one of them piped up with a snarky laugh.

another obnoxiously chortled in return. “i won't forget the day reader told us who could have possibly given them those flowers.”

“right!? and i’m lady furina!”

that joke rocked their worlds to the point that one person started choking on their garlic baguette. your eyes flitted over to your friend, pauline, who was shaking with rage beside you and on the verge of strangling someone.

“why i oughta give them a piece of my mind!” caterwauled pauline, but you perched a hand on her shoulder so that she wouldn’t go ballistic—even if it was on your behalf.

“can’t really blame them,” you conceded. “if you told me you were in a relationship with the iudex of fontaine, i would need a minute.”

“are you saying it’s impossible?”

“i’m saying it’s highly unlikely.”

“hmph! a girl can dream.” pauline haughtily raised her nose into the air and crossed her arms with indignation, which tugged your lips into a small smile. you knew she had your best interests in mind. since day dot, your coworkers were constantly unleashing a tirade of vitriol against you. “anyway, where’s your boyfriend? did he get caught up with something?”

“probably,” you ascertained, taking a sip of red wine. you looked for a seat to settle at; you couldn’t let your chips go cold. “he warned me that he might not make it in time for the party. a new batch of inmates was processed for registration today, and allegedly, they’re unruly.”

her eyes widened after connecting the dots. “are they related to the famous case of the missing paintings? they finally caught the culprits!?”

you raised an eyebrow. “you didn’t know? it’s all over the steambird.”

as you and pauline were sitting down, the hostess of the party, anaïs, and her entourage strode over with purpose. one of anaïs’s minions was the first to start yapping, “well, if it isn’t reader, the person dating the wolf!”

“more like the person who cried wolf!” followed anaïs, which made the group howl like hyenas.

rolling your eyes at their sneers, you replied, “where is your husband, anaïs? don’t tell me he’s at the office ‘working overtime’ with his assistant again.”

all of anaïs’s friends practically broke their necks to look at her.

“h-how did you know about that…!?” anaïs spluttered, her cheeks flared red. “that’s… that’s my personal affairs you’re airing to everyone!”

a follower of anaïs cupped a hand to her ear and hissed, “don’t you remember? reader is friends with charlotte, a journalist for the steambird. she’s notorious for her intel gathering so that she can compete with others for the juiciest scoops!”

“hey, hey, does charlotte know anything about monsieur neuvillette’s type?” pauline whispered to which you were about to answer—only for anaïs to grab your glass of wine.

“you think you’re so high and mighty all the time…!” anaïs said in a shrill voice, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. “at least i don’t pretend i’m the bitch of the lord of the fortress of meropide to get attention!”

“i think it would be better for you to channel your energy into divorcing that shitty excuse of a husband,” you corrected her, unfazed by the fact she was threateningly holding the drink above your head. “it’s not your fault that he’s a scumbag, so don’t stick around to see if he’ll change.”

something in anaïs seemed to falter at your words, but it was only for a moment. resentment got the best of her, and in the blink of an eye, red liquid was splashed onto your chest and dripping down your top, making bystanders gasp at the scene before them.

it kind of looked like you just got murdered.

“what is wrong with you!?” pauline furiously yelled after jumping up to shield you, who was still reeling from what happened. “how old are you to be acting like an immature brat!?”

as pauline and one of anaïs’s flunkies began to pull at each other’s hair, a different one pointed a finger into your face while cackling. “ha, serves you right! that outfit must have been dirt cheap anyway, so it couldn’t have been a total loss!”

“oh, you wouldn’t want your shoes ruined, right?” a second cooed, snatching them right off your feet and looking for the nearest window to chuck them out of. “don’t worry, i’ll dry them off for you!”

you got up to take them right back, but anaïs blocked your path, eyes narrowed into slits. “just admit it, reader,” she snarled. “you’re nothing but an attention-seeking whore for the fortress of meropide’s administrator, a goody two-shoes for our boss, and a laughing stock for all of fontaine. you’re nothing!”

“monsieur wriothesley!” a voice resounded from down the hallway, causing everyone in the dining room to freeze. “we’re so honored to have you join us! did lady anaïs invite you?”

before you knew it, a strong arm wrapped around your shoulders from behind to give you a tight squeeze, and a pair of lips kissed the top of your head.

“so sorry i’m late, my love,” a deep voice purred by your ear. “my hands were tied…”

his voice trailed off. wriothesley, whose sudden appearance had dropped every partygoer’s jaw, noticed that your top felt weirdly damp. when he craned his neck to investigate, his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. 

he immediately questioned if it was your blood or not.

“reader!” your boyfriend shouted, turning you around and holding you by the shoulders. a fear he had only felt as a teenager flooded rapidly into his system, and it was taking everything in him to not explode. “what happened to you? are you hurt!?”

you were still stunned in the aftermath, but you quickly collected yourself and placed your hands atop his. “no, no, i’m fine, wrio. i’m not hurt. it’s just red wine.”

“red… red wine?”

recovering from his initial shock, wriothesley twisted around, his jacket fluttering swiftly in tandem. his eyes took in the sight of an awestruck anaïs holding something behind her back and a petrified person clutching onto a pair of shoes (which explained why your dogs were out).

in a calm tone more terrifying than him speaking out of anger, wriothesley said to the hostess, “i apologize for souring the mood. however…” quickly, he engulfed your body with his jacket and swept you off your feet, hitching the air in your throat as he held you close to his chest. “my partner is not feeling well, so we’ll be taking our leave. we humbly thank you for the invitation.”

“b-but you just got here!” anaïs fretted.

her first mistake was revealing the wine glass she was desperately trying to hide earlier. in wriothesley’s realm, we call this a foul.

“reader was just a little tipsy and spilled a drink on themselves!” she crooned, tilting her head up at the duke and innocently batting her eyelashes. “why don’t you stay and become acquainted with your partner’s coworkers?”

her second foul: coveting a man in a relationship.

“i mean, they can’t be unwell to the point of needing to go home!”

her third: messing with reader. and three fouls meant a disqualification.

“heavens, no,” wriothesley insisted. “my partner’s health is my main priority, and time is of the essence. besides, the longer i remain, the less time i have to file a detailed report on an assault and battery that took place here.”

it became so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

“a…assault…?” even through the makeup caked on anaïs’s face, you could see the color drain from it entirely. “what… what assault…!? no assault happened here, your grace!” when his frown spoke volumes, she cried out, “y-you don’t have any proof!”

“oh, i would suggest otherwise. and i believe there are many eyewitnesses to testify.”

you peered around at the guests who had gathered to view the spectacle, and they were nodding in support of wriothesley’s claim, including pauline. even anaïs’s goons were vehemently bobbing their heads up and down, still in disbelief that the man, the myth, the legend himself had graced them with his presence.

“now if you’ll excuse me…” with you firmly in his grasp, wriothesley approached the woman still clinging to your footwear, who immediately began to quiver. “i would like for you to return my partner’s shoes,” he ordered with a look as cold as ice.

“o-of course!” she stammered, extending the shoes toward him. “it was all in good fun, your grace!”

“oh, those aren’t mine,” he said with a cock of his head at your bare toes. “like i said, those belong to my partner.”

finally picking up what was he putting down, the lady shakily slipped your shoes back on your feet for which you glanced up at wriothesley with furrowed eyebrows. he only reacted with a smile that thawed the rigid expression on his face.

“i-i can’t possibly rot in jail!” anaïs was still making a fuss nearby. “i’m so young and beautiful! can’t you look past this, monsieur wriothesley…!? i’ll do anything!”

“well, it’s not something you’ll go to prison for, ma’am,” he said, not even sparing anaïs a glance as he headed for the front door, “but this misdemeanor will forever stain your official records and reputation… just as you stained my partner’s clothes.” (mic drop.)

and that was that. with a quick kiss on both cheeks from pauline, you exited the dead-quiet house in your boyfriend’s arms.

“wrio…” you murmured as he started walking in the direction of your home. “i’m really sorry for inconveniencing you.”

wriothesley momentarily stopped in his tracks to gaze down at you, his lips pursed before sighing. “no… don’t apologize, my love. i’m sorry for not arriving sooner.”

“but that isn’t your fault,” you pointed out.

a chuckle resonated from deep within his chest. “touché.”

however, his lightheartedness faded out with that chuckle when his hands gripped onto you tighter, as if you were about to dissolve into water at any moment.

“what happened, reader?” he croaked, displaying a side of him reserved for your eyes alone. “how long have they been treating you like this? and for you to not even give them a taste of the boxing skills i taught you for these kinds of situations…”

you clutched his jacket tighter to your body. “you already have so much on your plate. i could not dare to tell you something that may weigh on your conscience.”

“please,” he whispered. “i want you to weigh on my conscience.”

after a moment’s worth of hesitation, you finally gave in, explaining that the fresh bouquet of rainbow roses he sent to your office one morning sent your colleagues into a frenzy that turned your life into a nightmare. as you spoke, wriothesley’s expression became grimmer and grimmer. he couldn’t even fathom how much of a shitshow your company was for permitting the kind of behavior he merely glimpsed this evening.

and he couldn't bear the thought that you had been suffering alone for months.

“they didn’t believe me for a second, even when i had pictures of you and me framed on my desk. ‘oh, those must have been edited’.”

realizing wriothesley's muscles were so taut, you attempted to alleviate the atmosphere. “i guess no one can accept an ordinary office worker dating the administrator of the fortress of meropide. like, picture the tianquan of the liyue qixing with an npc.”

in any other situation, your boyfriend would be laughing, but certainly not this one. “no one can determine our relationship,” wriothesley stated with a clear veracity. “you are the light in my bleak world, reader, and nothing is allowed to take you away from me. if so, i will travel to the ends of teyvat to bring you back.”

he then grinned, showing off his cute canines. “and you bet i'll put my handcuffs to use.”

you slapped a hand to your forehead. “way to ruin the mood. i was just about to kiss you.”

in response, he grinded his knuckles into the top of your head, which made you yodel out in pain. “what was that for!?” you exclaimed.

“for not kissing me, but more importantly: for keeping a secret from me,” he clarified, his pale gray eyes twinkling under the moonlight. “no more of that, okay?”

you warmly smiled up at him and rested your head against his broad shoulder, completely wiped out from the party-turned-fiasco. “okay.”

as the two of you reached your abode, a question popped up in your mind. “were you serious about the handcuff thing?”

he smirked. “yes, and you’ll find out just how serious i am after we take a shower together. you reek of wine.”

a pink blush dusted your cheeks. “what? together!?”

“together. you and me.”

“ahhh! put me down!”

“nope. not a chance.”

© xinxiaogato. please do not translate my work without permission or attempt to plagiarize it.

[habeascorpseus]

with the new movie not enough people are appreciating the sheer divorcedness of ambrosius and ballister in the original comic and we Need to fix that

can you believe these men invented gay divorce

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 4 of bracket three

Propaganda:

For Adora:

Finding the sword kicks off the whole show. She transforms into a giant magic lady and is now in charge of saving everyone from the  big bag guys (which she used to be a part of). A bunch of stuff happens, but eventually her identity is now tied to having the sword. She is fully convinced that w/o the sword (and therefore She-Ra) she’s worthless. This culminates in having to destroy the sword or the world ends. She’s super depressed bc her whole self worth was tied to the sword and being she-ra. On the way to save her gf, she turns into way cooler she-ra (her own version of it that is not controlled by the sword which was made by her colonialist ancestors). Her sword is now part of her identity instead of her identity revolving around the sword. 

lesbian chosen one who was given a sword that activated her powers and made her into a living weapon, but she destroyed the sword to save her planet - and then made her own sword with her magic and saved the entire universe

For Ballister:

he could tell when his sword was switched out for a fake, graduated top of his class so we know he's a good fighter, also the scene where he's fighting is hot because he's so confident with a sword in his hand, also he's gay

A canonically gay, disabled, South Asian man takes down the government with his genderqueer shapeshifter sidekick/adopted daughter! He has a swordfight with his ex-boyfriend! in which he defeats about 20 knights singlehandedly! 

top of his knight class this man is a master swordsman

(Movie) He has used a sword since he broke into the Institutes training ground and ended up becoming a knight

He has very divorced vibes with Ambrosius and he uses a sword.

He's a legit knight! So, it's in the fine print.

According to the Nimona movie, Ballister here has been practicing the art of sword fighting since childhood to earn the trust of the city and he was SO CLOSE to becoming a knight. He's also definitely not dating another one of his knight mates (?). Nope. Not at all. This movie is super straight /s I think he also beats an entire army of knights with nothing but his sword and a chaotic good shapshifter so that's pretty cool. He's also south Asian, has a prosthetic arm he made himself and is honestly such a goofy guy (in a good way ofc) if that's anything.

[mayo-advance]

Reading the Nimona graphic novel and then proceeding to watch the movie not even 10 minutes after is just hhgkdhfkdhfksjaldhf-

The movie is so much more forgiving, so much softer in a way that I can’t explain, and that difference allows me to interact with the characters in a new way. In the novel it’s pretty obvious that Ballister and Ambrosius are husbands who have been messily divorced for 12 years and still not over each other- but in the movie they’re still trying to figure out what they want to be, and they’re trying to save each other and constantly trying to reach out to show that “see! I’m right here, please come back, don’t let this take you from me!!!”

In the graphic novel, Nimona lies about her past, like blatantly lies straight to Ballister’s face and yknow, as she should, claiming that she used to be a perfectly normal girl, while In the movie she deflects his question by turning it into a joke to avoid answering.

And most importantly to me, in the book Ballister acts like a villain because “that’s what they need”. He poisons people, he’s always fighting with Ambrosius, he’s trying to undermine the institution right from the start. while in the movie he begs his innocence but still gets the label because the Director believes “that’s what they need”, and still he believes in the world around him, and when he loses that belief he doesn’t want to fight, he wants to leave.

I guess the way I see it the book is about trying so hard to be what you’re not, trying to be a normal girl, trying to be the villain they want, trying to pretend that they are enemies and not deeply connected. And the movie is about trying to find who you are, from “because I love you” to “I see you, Nimona”, to just everything- the book is the call and the movie is the response and it all comes back to learning to love and accept who you are and I’m crying

[krytus]

gay people. ballister spending half the movie firmly believing that if he just talks to ambrosius, ambrosius will believe him. and when he does. god. first off that imagery of the devil and angel on their shoulders respectively for ambrosius & the director and ballister & nimona. mwah. masterpiece. anyways. when they finally. finally. get a second face to face. ambrosius not believing him. did you ever really know me at all. what are you going to do kill me too. insane. happy pride to ballister ambrosius and their ten minute divorce. and THEN. the fucking. god. scene between them at the bar. nice homage. insane. but yeah. because i love you. oh but thee brainwashing. ambrosius the hero the goldenboy easily believing everything he's told. i want to go back to the way things were. anyways i had a point here i swear i had a point. he cut off his fucking arm ambrosius you sick son of a bitch i love you

[gwenthebard]

Got around to reading the Nimona comic and I fucking love the differences in everyone. Movie Ballisters like "this is my boyfriend Ambrosius, we're in a bit of a rough patch but still love one another. Nimona's my daughter, she's really grown on me and we hang out together and have fun."

Comic it's like "this is Ambrosius, this fucker is my ex and he took my house, dog, and arm in the divorce. This is Nimona, she's the serial killer I treat as a daughter to pretend I'm not depressed as fuck, but also so she doesn't kill more innocents"

[celiaelise]

Comic Ballister/Ambrosius have been divorced for twelve years and are still bitter about it, and movie Ballister/Ambrosius have been broken up for twelve days and don't have any good influences to vent to about it and are not coping well.

[soaked-doors]

I think one of the biggest things we missed out on in the movie adaptation was ballister and ambrosius’ 15 year long divorce. but not bc of character development losses but bc we lost out on ridiculous banter like this. they’re literally megamind and metroman

I loved their little spat at the institute bc you get like a crumb of gay pettiness from ballister. “well if it isn’t the golden boy” good lord. imagine how much more pungent it’d be had it festered for a decade and a half

Obviously the time skip being condensed to a few months makes way more sense but can you imagine how harrowing it would be to go straight from the arm chop to a title sequence with a “FIFTEEN YEARS LATER” tag below it