#and around people i dont know i would not think its appropriate to use words that potentially misgender them

[bipunkharrington]

Honestly being trans and having a wide range of trans friends is largely an exercise in cataloguing which of your transmasc friends are gonna find being told to "go piss girl" hurtful, and which will find it hilarious.

[p2iimon]

actually i think i get to decide what words mean. you all lost your privileges

[ivysprophecy]

coincidence

warnings: this isnt a very... girls girl chapter XD got inspo from that one scene in oth where haley slaps daneel ackles lol sooo underage drinking, cursing, drinks thrown in faces, hair pulling, reader being difficult XD idk what else

word count: 1490

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masterlist

summary: things with jj had been great, steady even. it was a whole month of pure bliss, so is it a coincidence that you predicted this was gonna happen?

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

things have been so great. jj and i have been great i should say rather. its likes nothing has changed but it has in the best ways.

and no ones said anything. no questions no pestering.

just us.

its been about a month since that day on the beach and to be truthful the sneaking around, stolen kisses, and small touches, its been so much fun.

granted i dont like lying to all of our friends but i think its been beneficial to our relationship. theres no pressure of any watchful eyes.

and its very helpful when they expect all the touching and glances anyway so like i said, its been easy and thrilling,

which leads us to now at a bonfire in the boneyard dancing and drinking and relaxing.

"im gonna go get another drink okay j?" he pats my thigh giving me that damn smirk.

"bring me one too mama, just a cup from the keg."

"you didn't use your manners maybank," i stand up looking back at him with a teasing smile.

he rolls his eyes tilting his head back pretending to be fed up with me. "please mama?"

"i suppose i can do that." i send him a wink. "ill be back in a minute, dont miss me too much."

"oh i miss you already," he smiles knowing exactly what its doing to me. hes sitting against the rocks with his legs spread and his arm splayed next to him resting against where i was sitting.

fuck he looks good. wanna take him home and climb him like a damn tree.

unfortunately to get to the keg i have to pass through the crowds of tourons, kooks, other pogues. its a giant mess of music, drama, and body odor.

with a few excuse me's and shoves i finally made it to the keg and coolers that house my preferred rum and cokes. i make my drink before grabbing jj's, marking the cups appropriately with one of the sharpies laying around.

ive only had three so its still legible.

doing my best to push past the crowds again with out spilling my drinks it takes a little longer to find my way back to my boyfriend.

who, when i turn past a group of people, i see him leaning against the rocks with some girl shoving her tongue down his throat. aggressively might i add.

so i do what any rational person would do in this situation. i threw my drink on her.

"fucking bitch!" i pull her off of jj by her obnoxiously long, thick, and blonde ponytail, "who the fuck do you think you are!? huh?! you like being a boyfriend stealing slut?"

"woah! woah? y/n-" i feel someone wrap their arms around my waist and pull me away from the girl, "take a breather i can explain-"

oh tell me he did not just say that.

"you can explain? you can explain how im gone for five fucking minutes and youve already got some dumb fucking touron wrapped around your finger? fuck that maybank! and fuck you!"

"mama! mama slow down! okay listen- just for two seconds listen to me!"

"i fucking trusted you!"

"you still can! i didnt kiss her!"

everyone has their heads turned in our direction at the sound of us bitching at each others face. including our friends.

this night just got shitty and its about to get a whole lot shittier. im not drunk enough for this. but somehow im also too drunk for this. you know what i mean?

"mama i wouldnt do that to you- cmon you know me. id never hurt you on purpose," jj pleaded for my sympathy.

i dont know if its the alcohol, the rage, or a combination of tonights events with the two. but i cant fucking deal with this right now.

"jj i saw you kissing her! dont fucking lie to me right now. i told you this wasnt gonna work. that it would be too much, too confusing, and that one of us was gonna do something the screw it up! but i prayed to god that it wouldnt be you j! and i NEVER wouldve thought itd be this soon. but i guess thats for the best right?"

"no! no its not- fuck. mama listen i didnt kiss her back! okay?! she was trynna feel up on me and talking about the island and shit and i tried to blow her off but she just-"

oh my god im seeing red.

i dont know whats true. i saw what i saw. i saw them kissing, and his body language didnt seem to convey that he didnt wanna be kissed. but maybe i saw it wrong? could i have? no. theres no way.

a good girlfriend would believe him, but isnt that just naive of me? what if he didnt want do this... i dont know. i dont know, theres no way. this is exactly what i was afraid of.

"jj dont start- i dont wanna hear it right now. i cant. i just cant. im done! im fucking going home. have fun with your little blonde!"

he goes and reaches for my arm trying to keep me close, letting out an exasperated sigh. "how are you getting home?"

"thats all youve gotta say right now? un fucking believable. ill walk home for all i care j but you need to let go of me right now."

"youre not fucking walking home y/n-"

"yes i am," i yank my arm from his grasp "and dont you dare follow me jj. im not afraid to have this fight right now but trust you dont want that. because you will stay single."

god i really wish i hadnt said that.

and with that i walk away without looking back. because i just cant help making things worse, its what i do best. i can already hear all the rest of the pogues running up to him with all these questions and i have no fucks left to give about it.

if he doesnt wanna answer them he can go back to the blonde girl. i wont be surprised.

what i am surprised about is to have john b run up behind me, turning me to face him gently.

"hey- um youve been drinking i dont really think you should walk home alone," john b, always playing hero.

"ill be fine jb. really. go back to sarah and jj ill be fine."

"you keep saying youll be fine but you look like youre about to cry."

damn. am i? i reach up to touch my face and feel a small trickle fall from the corner of my eye.

"look i wont bombard you right now just- let me walk you home? please? make sure youre safe?" i cant lie, itd be nice to know someone gives a damn about me right now.

"thanks john b... thats actually really nice of you," i wipe my tears away and sniff away the cracks in my voice.

how could i be so stupid? i dont do stuff like this. ever. and i just let it happen.

but i'm not wrong am? it cant be a total coincidence that i specifically brought this up with him and this is how it ends?

"... so... you and jj?"

"i thought you werent gonna bombard me?"

he throws his hands up in surrender "its only one question."

i sigh, throwing in the towel because one, hes my friend and he deserves to know. i shouldnt have lied to any of them. and two, it would feel nice to get some of this off my chest. "yea. me and jj. for about a month now.."

"a month??"

i send him daggers with my eyes warning him this is not the time as we walk down the dirt road that leads home to the chataeu.

"sorry- youre right. i wont bug you about it yet."

"yet," i let out a laugh that sounds bitchier than i meant it to be, "im sorry we didnt say anything... i was kind of afraid of this exact thing happening. wanted to keep it low key."

"i get it..." he leads me up to the door where he pauses for a minute. "but y/n/n, for what its worth i think you should hear him out. jj has done a lot of things, but cheating on you? thatd never be one of them."

i open the screen door taking off my flip flops as he speaks, unsure of how to take his suggestion.

"youre a really good friend john b. honest. but i need a little space from all of the jj talk right now. tell sarah im sorry i stole you from the party. have fun."

he nods understandingly, watching me flop onto the couch before walking back down the road.

i stare up at the ceiling thinking about how everything went so wrong so fast until sleep takes over.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

the bafta livestream out of context: top 60 cursed quotes.

There is nothing more cursed than the livestream I just witnessed, and I made a summary post but now I'm just going to put in quotes by the worthy maggots in the stream with no context, because BELIEVE ME THE CONTEXT DIDN'T MAKE ANYTHING BETTER. The livestream chat was NOT A PLACE OF THE LORD.

I'm going to make the quotes that were by me a different colour. Please know that I am NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR A SINGLE QUOTE OTHER THAN THOSE. SO HERE'S THE TOP 60 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Barbenhimer awakened things in me ok

aroace people the most disturbingly sexual talkers on the planet fight me on this

WHO JUST GASPED

MICHAEL SHEENS BABY TALKING BARK BADK IM A DOG BARK WOOF

I feel so sorry for this woman. She's being so heartfelt and we're here thristing over a slinky that possessed a man

IRELAAAND PLEASE ADOPT ME AS YOUR OWN PLEASE TAKE ME TO THE LAND OF UNPRONOUNCABLE WORDS, GREEN FEILD, CATHOLISISM AND HOZIER PLEASE

the urge to go to france and misgender a croissant is real

Devastated the slutty knees have gone away

So many men nowadays are so submissive and breedable like thank you lord for these men thank you

witches and murder slime tutorial

speaking of royals did the bloke who ISN'T lizzy's husband but her son apparently die yet

Turtleneck Crowley is my gender.

WE COULD HAVE LEFT IT AS NOT SAFE FOR WORK WHY THE DRTAOLS ASMI

SAY AN BFUIL CEAD AGAM DUL GO DTÍ AN LEITHREAS AN WE'LL LET YOU THROUGJ

"Oompa loompa doopety dee, I really hated being in this movie" -Hugh grant probably

IF YOU'RE A CHILD AVERT YOUR EYES FROM THAT MESSAGE IM SORRY

i want the kilt back this a betrayal

if someone put me in a room with kilt!david tennant one of us is walking out of that room pregnant and its not gonna be me

a lot of these words are in the bible and none of them should be in that order you need jesus

Can we vote to make david wear that kilt back? Maybe make him do a twirl this time

You mean Bildaddy? 😏

Honey what make you think a dude who roamed around with prostitutes and got himself more holes for mankind won't be calling bildad bildaddy? [this was about jesus btw.]

FREE THE KNEE

Show us the knees!

AND YOU'RE COMING AFTER ME FOR MY BLOWJOB BANANA

He looks like those fancy chocolates. Imma take a bite outta him. Think you'll leak molten goo like them?

My brain isn't working, I read "bratty couch jr"

i'm sorry the what holes

FIND ME ON GOAD AND I WILL MAKE YOU PAY APPROPRIATELY

I genuinely thought it was a road typo and I thought you were threatening asmi with physical violence on the road

OHH FLOWER OF SCOTLAAAAAAND

Combine that with the unfortunate oranges and see what happens.

DEVASTATING NEWS I ATE UP ALL OF THEM SO I'VE BROUGHT A BLOWJOB BANANA INSTEAD

That reminded me of the army video where the guy was deepthroating a 7 inch banana without a hitch.

OMG THEY JUST FLASHED BACK & I GOT A GLIMPSE OF THAT KILT 🥵🥵🥵

thats why apollo had to deliver you at an illegal sushi restaurant

How long do you think it would take to get david naked from his chocolate man suit? Can we set a new speedrun category?

SUPERBOWL FOR TENNANTISTS

Big feelings about pants straps in the chat tonight

Last time i check yoire supposed to thank the lord gor his gifts

HEY GUYS ASMI'S FROM A PARALLEL UNIVERSE CONFIRMED

I just have a deep appreciation for ireland

Can you use suspenders as bondage gear? I mean it looks like it would be fine? I mean if you make the length a bit more they might be more comfortable than ropes. Just sayin

All i can think when i see him in the costume is the one specific ken and oppenhimer slash fic. Lord help me i can't be saved

GIVE MY LOVE TO THE LEPRECHAAAAAAAAAAAUNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Like a giant orange slice on her one arm.

Stop hitting the lectern geez / what if its into that?

Men who wear suspenders are such losers like why do you need so much cloth to keep your pants up. Why dont you just wear a belt. Where do you live. What is your timezone. What are you office hours

what is this suspender shaming ari chappal for you

Aziraphales office hours are: fuck off

Put me ina room with a suspender wearing man and he shall have the same fate as kilttennant

MARIYADAM E ILLAI

It was titled "snake in my b***" It meant butt lmfao

CROWLEY AND LOKI MY GENDERFLUID ICONS

THE KNEES ARE BACK

THEKNEES GOD SAVE ME FROM THESE SINFUL THOUGHTS

What if slutshaming is my kink?

NOT THE BLOWJOB FACE NO

AT THIS POINT IF NEIL HASN'T UNFOLLOWED ME YET HE'S ASKING TO BE MENTALLY SCARRED IM SORRY

I am failing

Tagging the main culprits whose tumblr handles I know:

@thearoacemess @vitrilol @queermarzipan @good-usernames-were-taken

Cheers, maggots.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

borderline illiterate gruvia think piece.

happy gruvia day i guess!

so like…… im a grown woman. so believe me when i say at this point i rly couldnt care to be genuinely bothered by antis. like i will literally just block them lmao. ok yes i did write a whole fic revolving around a comment by an anti KFHDKSJWJEDK but i rly wasnt mad i was just genuinely inspired by what they said.

ANYWAYS! nonsensical 294820381002 word rant incoming from the “unbothered” grown woman.

seeing people say how gray is out of character in 100 yq/has stockholm syndrome are literally missing the entireeeee point of his and juvia’s relationship and its crazy!!

*side note, i think for the sake of helping gray’s character and development, they sacrificed a lot of cool things about juvia and a lot of her individuality which i do not like. but thats a rant for another time. btw do notttt even come for me bc she is literally still by far my fav character lmao*

im probably gonna go on for too long about this but gray’s whole fucking character throughout the whole story from beginning to end is centered around the fact that hes cold and closed off and grumpy and “too cool” and listen im not saying this is fucking rocket science or any type of transcendent literature by any means but i HAVE to point out that hes a fucking ice wizard. like. duh. im sure his character/personality was meant to go along with abilities i mean look at literally EVERYONE else in fairy tail.

ANYWAYS the reason he is this way is because he’s so used to losing all of the people he loves and even worse, hes used to so many people sacrificing themselves for him.

and it traumatizes him!! so many people hes been close to have died and he ultimately always thinks its his fault! lord knows im rusty with ft knowledge but his parents died (cant remember if it was in any type of sacrificial way teehee), Ur sacrifices herself for gray, ultear sacrifices herself for gray, and his dad dies AGAIN (once again, not sure if this was in a sacrificial manner lmao. i kindaaa think it was? maybe? shrug.). but POINT IS! theres a common theme of loved ones dying and/or sacrificing themselves for him. there might even be more people lmao idfk.

so what happens when he meets a girl who has an overwhelming and unwavering and infinite love for him?! he is freaked the fuck out!!! for a couple reasons! 1. he is so used to losing the people that love him and 2. he doesn’t even think hes deserving of any love to this degree!

then what happens? he PUSHES HER AWAY! KEEPS HER AT A DISTANCE!!!! because THATS ALL HE KNOWS!!!!!!!!! yes he has his friends who love him but no one has ever loved him in the way and abundance that JUVIA DOES! so he has to react appropriately! lots of love = lots of keeping her at an arms length!

so when he thinks he loses juvia in their fight with invel, and she comes back, dont we think it would make sense that he finally realizes he should accept his feelings for her? i mean remember when he said he promised her an answer AFTER the war? once again, like gray, pushing things off. and then he almost LOSES HER without ever telling her how he feels! so gray realizes life is short! theres no use in trying to deny ur feelings! these are common themes in like 85% of my gruvia drabbles lmao.

im not even saying that it was love at first sight for him and that gray liked her from the jump. bc i dont think thats true. i think we can finally see outward romantic feelings for juvia right after the tartaros arc, when juvia visits gray at his parents’ grave. but before that, i think juvia was a friend (wellll i feel like after the tenrou island arc he liked her more than a friend, but he didnt really realize how much more) who he cared about, and truly didnt know what to make of her because like i said, hes never known a person to love him so much and actually not die LMAO.

but my point is, juvia is the perfect person to be gray’s romantic partner. she is a person so full of love and so happy to love and she doesnt care who knows it. she is unequivocally herself and she wears her heart on her sleeve to the upmost extent.

it literally only makes sense for his character to end up with her!

u could argue gray doesnt need to end up with anyone at all bc he has his friendsssss and likeeee. sureee. fine. but what fun is that? i personally want to see the scared-of-love grump to find his person. i think, again, thats kind of the point of gray’s character- learning u are worthy of love, accepting love, and learning to love openly.

im sorry but literally what better happy ending for him than to be with juvia?

so fast forward to 100 yq, where he is just sooooo out of character apparently. dont we think that may actually be…. character development?

the boy who probably couldn’t even fathom a romantic relationship is now finally accepting he’s in love. he’s done pushing it off, he’s done denying, he’s done depriving himself of feeling love. thats a step in the right direction! now what? in true gray fashion, he thinks hes still not good enough! and that’s where we are now. he’s not confident, he thinks he’s weak, and he thinks he cant protect her. why? he knows she loves him. he knows he’s objectively a strong wizard. so why does he feel inadequate? CIRCLE BACK!!! TO WHO GRAY IS AS A PERSON!!!! SINCE DAY ONE!!! constantly in fear of losing his loved ones! thinking he can’t protect them! SCARED TO LOVE!

like im sorry the proof is soooo in the pudding and i totally understand if gruvia isn’t ur cup of tea but to say things arent making sense is silly to me! they actually make perfect sense!

and yknow what. im gonna go from a romantic standpoint to a realist standpoint. years ago, mashima said he likes gray and juvias dynamic and didnt have anything serious in mind for them anytime soon. so he kept that going for literally the entire series. well. he ended fairy tail alluding to the fact that gray and juvia were kinda together at that point. or he at least ended it with the pretty obvious conclusion that gray does in fact have feelings for juvia. so then when ft 100 yq starts what was he supposed to do? act like all of their development in the last arc never happened? that would be kinda hard to do!

whatever i just hope at least like 3 of these sentences were coherent lmao u guys get my point

[velvetvexations]

But they still use the n-word, anon. They still use the n-word. Yet you think that years and years ago they were so worried about being "challenged" on grounds of transphobia ("transmisogyny" was not in widespread use at the time) that they felt the need to change their language? Even though they still, to this day, use the n-word.

You're an idiot.

And yes, actually, GNC boys who present in a feminine matter does affect things! You can't seriously pretend that every single depiction of an AMAB person wearing women's clothing could only ever possibly be a trans woman or based on trans women. That's not only ahistorical and erases real people right in front of you, but it also gets fucking racist as hell when you start imposing that view on other countries. Did you know, for instance, that "kathoey", the term "ladyboy" is a translation of, is generally used by people who self-identify as men? Because I'm guessing the answer is "no."

Femboys are and have always been a thing, stop fucking erasing them and appropriating their language just because you desperately want the world to revolve around you.

So many young trans girls are going to come out of this traumatized from the dooming, isolated and potentially trapped in abusive relationships because they'd been indoctrinated into the belief that only other trans women will ever love and support them.

The problem is that it has "fab" in there, so they can't do it like they're trying to do with femboy because it inherently points to "TMEs."

(2/2 ana mardoll) i really dont mind when trans women genuinely criticize specific terrible shit that a trans man has actually done, and mardoll has always been a fucking loser who does all the stereotypical negative shit that people tend to act like trans men do. i just wish people would not act like its standard behavior to be like that and judge us all on the basis of the worst of our community lmao. this is behavior that goes both ways tho, trans men judge trans women like this too. idk lol

The person I've seen most accused of being a ringleader was Neon Yang, who was definitely not that even though they contributed. The one I most remember was the trans woman who said something to the effect of "yeah well it didn't sound like the author was trans so I was completely justified actually" and that drives me up a wall because the transradfem girlies are going to lose their mind when I post the first chapter of Nursed with Kerosine.

I have to answer them mostly in batches, with a few exceptions, because I get so many.

@ratbastarddotfuck

Imagine if everyone just decided to start saying a PoC who votes Republican is white.

It's going to be difficult for them to ever actually make a callout post for me because they can screenshot my takes but there will never be a single piece of evidence that I've ever harassed anyone and they know it.

It's not just about taking it seriously, but it's extremely repellent just as content and can be severely triggering, which it would have been for me if I hadn't watched it when I was a teenager before The Deeplore Trauma settled into my bones. I don't think I can even get into the later stuff now because of the association.

But fuck me gently with a chainsaw, everything else about it should be immensely cool and it sucks it's not in something that isn't weighed down by that.

Explicitly using dysphoria as a plot point like that is interesting and does sound like good fuel for a transfem headcanon.

No, it isn't, the only thing being discussed is whether he fits the criteria for "TMA" or not, and he does.

Buffalo Bill is not a stereotype of trans women, and in fact I applaud and deeply appreciate the author for making that crystal clear and treating trans people with great respect and sympathy for the time in which it was written, but he became the model for a stereotype of trans women that transphobes have taken and ran with since the day the the movie came out.

[sophieinwonderland]

From some random post we saw while doomscrolling through syscourse(which, are you alright? You're the top poster, which isn't really something to strive for in one of the most hate and rage driven tags systems can find themselves in on tumblr... should take a mental health break every once in a while):

Because, frankly, the anti-tulpa narrative was manufactured to shutdown created systems, and present bigotry in a way that appeared progressive. People aren't actually against words from other languages and religions being used in new ways. They're against these words being used by endogenic systems.

As a pro-endo mixed/POC system who has spent hours upon hours trying to understand the tulpa language discourse argument- I'm honestly really fucking hurt by this hugely inaccurate assumption. I don't see how we're trying to shut down created systems, what i see is trying to educate and steer people away from a term that was created through ignorance, racism [albeit not forwardly malicious], and cultural appropriation.

Tulpa creation bears no connection to Tibetan Buddhism anymore —not that it ever really did, given this exact phenomenon is not actually mentioned to exist, ever, by, i forgot the name of the person who invented the term but i know she was a) white and b) racist in ways outside of this — but is still touted around as being connected and part of that spiritual practice.

It's not about "we dont want endos using this term." It's that we want the term to stop being used ALTOGETHER. We personally have witnessed traumagenic systems exploring creating headmates, and we have steered them away from using tulpa language in favor of "parogenic" as a term.

It saddens us that you can just so brazenly dismiss it as a whole as shutting down created systems while so much else is going on that you're choosing to ignore.

You have a good heart - do more research into why people are saying what they are and don't just dismiss them like that. Please don't speak over those people who are a part of the culture being appropriated, simply because of refusal to change.

And yes, we asked this on anon not out of cowardice, but because we'd really rather not start getting a bunch of death threats on our main blog.

-Enzo

Okay, let's try a thought experiment. Imagine for a moment that there are two universes. In one universe, the anti-tulpa narrative begins and is popularized because it's harmful to Tibetan Buddhists as an ethnoreligious group.

In the other, the anti-tulpa narrative is concocted and pushed heavily by anti-endos as a way of delegitimizing one of the strongest and most well-researched endogenic communities.

What would you say the differences would be between these two universes?

Personally, I think if one were to enter the first universe, you would find several things.

Anti-tulpa sentiment probably would have begun in the early 2000s as the internet was coming into more sidespread use and shows like Supernatural and X-Files would use tulpas as horror monsters.

Similar to above, once backlash started, it would be hitting all presentations of tulpas, including in creepypastas and its use by the SCP Foundation.

Much of the backlash would be coming from members of the Tibetan Buddhist community, including at least some spiritual leaders because yes, religions have hierarchies of leadership.

Well, what about the second universe? What would we expect that universe to look like? Personally, I would expect the following:

There would be zero trace of anyone ever taking issue with the tulpas in shows like Supernatural or X-Files prior to tulpamancy being formed.

All backlash would be focused solely on tulpamancers. Nobody ever would mention the SCP Foundation, Mandella Catalogue or creepypastas about tulpas.

Most of the anti-tulpa backlash would be coming from system circles, and would be heavily pushed by anti-endos. While you might be able to fund a small handful of Tibetan Buddhists who have been convinced by anti-endo rhetoric that it's bad, there would be no spiritual leaders getting involved and most Tibetan Buddhists you ask outside of system spaces wouldn't care.

Which of these two universes do you feel most resembles our own?

Before you answer, here's a fun thread comparing the differences in people's opinions on r/systemscringe vs those on r/Buddhism

When r/systemscringe is pushing a narrative that the word is appropriation while actual Buddhist communities on the same site shrug their shoulders and don't care, this should send up immediate red flags as to the legitimacy of this whole controversy, and which groups are actually interest in pushing it.

Now, I am not suggesting that none of the very small handful of actual Tibetan Buddhists who have taken issues with the practice don't legitimately feel as they claim to.

The problem with propaganda is that it's often very good at manipulating people's emotions. If it couldn't do that, it wouldn't be effective.

We've seen this with similar anti-endo smears, like the ones claiming "system hopping" was appropriated from RAMCOA systems. And sure enough, despite its use in the plural community predating any RAMCOA connection by a full 16 years, this claim still persisted. And some RAMCOA systems were even manipulated by these lies and convinced endogenic systems were stealing terms from their community.

We actually see this same tactic over and over again.

We see it with "system hopping" which they claim was stolen from RAMCOA systems. We see it with "sysmed," which they claim is stolen from the LGBT community. We see this with the very concept of plurality itself.

The fact of the matter is that this has become a core manipulation tactic in the anti-endo playbook, designed to sew division.

[dragonji]

having a mome

ever since talking about [redacted postcanon events] with charlie ive been musing on what jyt and qyz would call each other and well. tonight its just making me very ill in the head a bit and I shrimply need to get it written out somewhere apologies in advance♡

So to begin. JYT would start with calling QYZ Your Highness/Qi Ying bc ascension is a comparitively new situation for him on top of preexisting social uncomfortableness making him default to referring to people by their titles or ranks whenever appropriate. And QYZ obv doesnt really care about titles so even though he knows JYT has one (General Qing Liu btw) he'd just call them by full name. JYT tries very hard to not let on how happy that makes him and only mostly succeeds [smiles peacefully].

Now (as in later postcanons as of timeline of charlies work as well as beyond) I am rather stuck on how to make their forms of address more intimate without verging into ooc-ness for either of them.... Neither of them are much for overly-sweet petnames I would think. With QYZ I dont think he sees a point in using 'random' words to refer to someone he's affectionate towards; JYT just has a deeply thin face for romance and the aforementioned social anxieties. Despite that I do think JYT would start using nicknames first- hes more liable to playfully or exaggerately use a nickname to test out how QYZ reacts where QYZ would just charge ahead with whatever name he finds fitting if/when he wants to call someone something different.

Some handful of years after theyve been acquainted and have formed their sparring routine JYT would feel safe enough to risk calling QYZ by name too (for the first instance picture end of a sparring session both peacefully laying in the dust catching their breath staring at the sky. JYT gathering themself enough to recklessly give a quick nervous "Thanks for today, Quan Yizhen !" before Bolting. He has to go wander around a forest in the mortal realm for a bit after that one to recover meanwhile QYZ is sitting at the sparring grounds like I wonder what their deal is today?? before shrugging it off. They have a conversation about it the next day where JYT cant stop fidgeting before he apologies for not asking before dropping the title and QYZ tells him it literally doesnt matter he prefers when people use his name anyways. And thats That♡). Eventually (5-15 years later maybe?) they would drop to just given names and likely keep using those for a long time.

All that said the safest option to JYT would be smth along the lines of 阿真 (A-Zhen) esp at first when he's unsure of how it'll be received. But I am Also finding it more and more captivating to maybe have JYT call him 小狼 (Xiao Lang) once in a while mainly while theyre alone if that doesnt sound too unfounded..... JYT likes wolves already and its also personal fulfillment to me as (spoilers for my furry tgcfverse) I have also made QYZ a wolf in all my furry versions😌 (Maybe when QYZ asks why JYT chose to call him that they would respond along the lines of "wolves are pretty and strong and cool and loyal just like you... even if people dont understand them well! Plus theyre cute and fluffy *pauses to run his hands through QYZ's hair* so I just thought it might fit^^" and QYZ hums a pleased note in return and they go back to napping all cuddled around each other Ok Moving On we're getting too romantic!!-)

Ahem likewise I've been considering having QYZ call JYT 涛涛 (Taotao) on occassion bc it seems cute and also more likely for QYZ to just double the syllables for a straightforward nickname where applicable. I mean having him call JYT Yongtao is already close enough to a nickname seeing as no one else does but maybe just as extra flavor here n there...... Perhaps something involving JYT's association with rabbits or dragons would be possible too/instead? Or perhaps I am simply projecting my furryisms a bit too on-the-nose there... Honestly could just have it be Tao-xiong if I wanted to keep the subtle are they comrades or yknow comrades vibe lol... in the words of my friend nie huaisang I dont know, I really dont know!!!

[gee-arid]

I'm kinda curious, do you have an reason to give the miraculous for each characters? Like why turtle to Ivan?

I do! It links back to my au though- So congrats! More lore dump!

Because ive given Nathaniel and Marc the ladybug and cat miraculous, they get to distribute the other miraculous. They share responsibility for this and choose based on their own experiences with their friends/classmates.

The reason they share responsibility is different to canon because they learn quickly the importance of trust and teamwork (will be explained soon).

The moment the box was passed over to Ailes Rouges and Veilleuse, they discussed it together, without names and shared the miraculous between the two of them to look after until the time came for the appropriate hero.

(explainations below cut, lots of words, no art in this one lol)

Creation Box:

Butterfly + Peacock: Same as canon (right now anyway, considering giving Adrien the Peacock, something something angst), following same beginning point anyway.

Bee: Juleka - Nathaniels choice. The first choice for Juleka was actually the tiger (explained further down). But shes chosen as the bee officially. I know this girls got pent up rage shes too scared to show or let out without a mask. The bee will be good for her :)

Fox: Marinette - Marcs choice (His first choice would be Nath if its after theyve met and become friends outside their alter egos, but is either declined or unable to be found (for obvious reasons); though Nath would likely choose the same, torn between her and Alix). If youre looking for creativity, someone with a strong enough imagination to create and spin stories strong enough to convince another person its real? Marinettes perfect for the job. Especially creating illusions of people.

Turtle: Ivan - Nathaniels choice, if youre looking for defence, someone strong to help protect people, Ivans your guy. Hes seen it first hand, particularly with Mylene, but after years of being in the same class as him, hes experienced his protection too.

Zodiac Box:

Rooster: Markov - Nathaniels choice. This one was a bit of a gamble. Markov cant see kwamis, but if he can be akumatised, it stands to reason that he can be a hero. Despite being a robot, he still only gets one use of the roosters power, as hes not human the magic has to draw from his power and since hes so small, he only has a small bank to draw from. Despite this, being small gives him more leeway into where he can go, as my roosters power is rejuvination, its important that they can get around to other heroes easily.

Goat: Alix - Nathaniels choice. The goat in my au is all about movement, and who better for than than Alix. Not to mention, theyve been friends for years, Nathaniel would trust them with his life.

Rat: Nino - Nathaniels choice. If youre looking for someone to multitask, Ninos got experience. Particularly with herding people, experienced with his brother, and occasionally his own friends. Nathaniel used to be close with Nino in previous years but drifted apart before canon present. He still believes Nino is responsible and trustworthy enough for the job.

Ox: Luka - Marcs choice. (Nathaniel would choose the same). Who else could be calm enough not to flinch at the sight of oncoming danger. Hes the older sibling of Juleka (not twin), and often cool and laidback. While he may not be super close to either hero, he knows their identity, a magical suit doesnt change a persons heart song. Luka is the perfect candidate for the Ox, he trusts the magic enough to know it wont fail him. Its just a hunch but dont you think hes already experienced with this worlds magic?

Horse: Sabrina - Nathaniels reluctant pick. There is no other person Nath has seen who is so co-ordinated. Someone who knows exactly what is going on and when and where. Despite her dubious alegions in the classroom, she can be trusted to keep a plan on track. Also shes a horse-girl, dont @ me.

Dragon: Aroure/Mirelle - Marcs pick. A dragon is experienced in the elements, and who else is more experienced than Aroure and Mirelle. They both are aware and skilled in the weather area, this experience leads to incredible skill with the dragons power. They are rarely apart these days but are very busy with their jobs, so they both become the Dragon, they swap out with eachother when one or another is busy, and it works.

Snake: Max- Nathaniels choice. Max is a person who thinks in numbers. Hes able to keep an exact time line in his mind, able to run numbers and percentages on the spot. Max is simply the most efficient Snake. His ability to think logically lends to his skill, he can effectively keep track of whats happened and whats the best course of action. Nathaniel trusts his judgement and his silence, Max is smart enough to understand the concequences and risks of an alterego.

Pig: Kim - Nathaniels hesitant choice. Now honestly, Kims the obvious pick for a superhero, hes like.. classic superhero build and attitude. However, Nathaniel hasnt always had a particularly friendly attitude with him. So despite the present situation he will always be slightly on edge with Kim. Either way, hes a straight forward kind of guy, perfect for the hunt of the pig. Nathaniel can only hope he doesnt get too much to handle, maybe he'll see Kim in a different light after. Or maybe not.

Dog: Rose- Marcs pick (Nathaniel would choose the same). The dog is all about loyalty, friendship, lowering someones guard. Who else would be perfect for the job than Rose? She is able to see the good in a person no matter what, she can keep a persons attention long enough for a job to be done, if getting a job done through affection is not an option.

Monkey: Zoe.. or Adrien - Marcs choice, Zoe, once shes transfered from abroad, becomes a quick friend of Marcs. They both have bright senses of style and well like-calls-to-like. Shes pretty laidback and adaptable, she can work on her feet which works well for the monkey. Nathaniels choice, Adrien, is also fairly new to the social scene but Nathaniels hung out with him enough by proxy that he can get a grip on his personality. He, like Zoe, is pretty adaptable, maybe less laidback from what hes seen but always willing to try something. He doesnt give up, thats important for a monkey too. Also i dont want to leave Adrien out :(.

Rabbit: Alya - Marcs hesitant choice. Shes been seen around akuma attacks before, always with her phone out and recording. Despite this shes always able to help a citizen run away or hide. Shes also friends with Marinette and from what Marcs heard, shes fairly reliable. Theyre not close to eachother for Marc to be certain, but shes around attacks enough to be reliable, shes consistently helpful, and is fairly knowledgable in akuma related activities; she'll work.

Tiger: Kagami - Marcs choice. The tigers original holder was Juleka (chosen by Nathaniel). Who else would be best for going unnoticed than the invisible girl. However after using it once, she declined to use it again. Its not what she wants. Nathaniel understood, he could see it wasnt good for her. So, Marc chose Kagami next. Kagamis sneaky, able to sneak up on someone and not hesitate. If Juleka was like a rouge, Kagami is more like an assassin.

[elialys]

OMG im so 🥺

That i have to talk...I'm in shock !

How can someone like Torv and not follow her teachings? Love others as they are!Yes she always said quote Helen is Anna Torv "I love you just the way you are"it should always be people's motto!

And another quote she left this year EMPATY...OK you Dont like the person but you have to respect.Then its ok leave...why criticize something if we have no comparison?

You don't do anything so so wrong unforgivable to a human and everyone sometimes make mistakes!

I am sometimes surprised and outrageous by people pointing the finger só easily at small things that they perceive differently and be silent or quiet at big problems around them or even looking at themselves! I'm just saying one thing.  Of all of us.... ALL of us, YOU were the one who dedicated the most time YEARS -DECADES, had the most patience (countdown the minutes of the 2 years without premieres? ) and fought for each series, each Anna Torv's work(things like uniting fans, posting videos, talking about her, supporting her unconditionally... Fauxlivia is still your protégé, right?🤭and fighting Helen Dale dont stop )... and for me it is extremely commendable and I admire you immensely for never stopping fighting and share Anna Torv!

Your neurodivergent brain may have flaws...but What brain don't have sometimes a little's error ?

NOBODY is Perfect right? And qualities as a fan fic writer, fan, woman, friend, caring, and empathetic you have and they are huge And guess what...people who prefer to criticize SHES A REALLY TREASURE !

I could list about more than 100 things you did that were important! And if you wanna i can make a list...my nerd brain remembers all good gestures 🥰

And this is for all there fans no fans humans that read...

When they criticize you...choose the other path...which Anna Torv has also advised...

FEEL PROUD OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE!  😍❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words, Maria ❤️❤️❤️

Honestly, I am genuinely at a lost as to why some people get so mad and unforgiving over honest mistakes, especially when I mean it when I say I never meant any harm, and will listen and change my behavior if it's not appropriate. I have been in this fandom for a very long time, and I've always tried my best to be nice, and to do better when I can do better. And anyone who takes the time to actually get to know me at all, unlike those people who have honestly been very closed-off from the start, knows that I'm the opposite of an asshole, and that my life motto literally is 'let's be kind and show empathy'.

I swear twitter puts a negativity filter on everyone's brain, they expect the worst of everyone. The fact that they thought I'd sent people after them to 'harass' them, when I wasn't even aware of what was going on until my friend reached out to me to tell me about it, at which point said friend had already gotten involved, just baffles me. I'm a 36 year old adult with bad social anxiety, I live my life hoping to avoid drama or situations in which people will get angry at me in any way. The last thing I would ever think to do is have that kind of vindictive behavior, especially about something I knew I could have handled better. But you can't have conversations with the twitter crowd, you just can't. They will assume the worst of you and that's it.

I haven't been on twitter for a couple weeks now, except to post fic links for my followers who care about them, and honestly, I don't know if I'll be back, not when there are a few people who seem to enjoy scrutinizing the things I do or say.

I still want to do the Anna project because I want her to receive love from her fans, but my anxiety about this is too high at the moment, and my brain a bit too unkind.

I'm very thankful for fellow fans like you, Maria, I mean that 😘😘😘

[lolotheparagon]

What is your favorite scene that you have written for Parfait so far?

I haven't written anything on paper (cos i dont know which writing format would be appropriate for it, i know, its embarassing) but I have a scene of how Florabelle and Parfait became girlfriends

One day, before Tombsteel and the Ironites came to Prettiopia, Florabelle invited Parfait to visit a field covered in roses. When Parfait asked why, Flora reveals she planted this entire field just for her and gives Parfait one of the roses to keep. Overcome with emotion, Parfait broke down crying. She tearily replied how she cant accept this because she doesnt deserve such a gift and that she feels she's a barely qualified princess. Florabelle had noticed her best friend's self deprecation but she never got the full story of why shes like this. So Flora presses her for answers on why she feels so negatively about herself all the time, Parfait confessed that ever since her mother died, she always felt like a burden. Here's some of the dialogue:

Parfait stared at Flora's saddened expression and stood there in fear and unease. She mustered up enough courage to tell her friend why she couldnt accept this lovely gift:

Papa wants me to be like mom. She was graceful, demure, delicate, a storybook queen. But no matter how hard I try, I can't be like her. So I try to be myself, but even thats not good enough. said Parfait, struggling to hide the tears in her eyes.

Why cant you tell your dad to stop pressuring you to be a certain way. Florabelle replied, increasingly worried for her best friend's uneased state.

He's probably just preparing me for the job. Dad just wants whats best for me. He said it himself, he thinks i have potential to be queen someday. But until then, I have to make him proud. I have to... I owe it to him. said Parfait.

Do you really? Florabelle questioned.

I want to...He's the only family i have. A-aand he's sick... Parfait answered, slightly quivering in fear and voice cracking under the pressure of the words she just spoke.

Yeah... its a difficult situation. But still you shouldnt put so much pressure on yourself.

Flo, I have to prove I can be a competent leader in my dad's absence. I cant just dance around, hang out with friends and party... Which means I have to put my own feelings aside. My own happiness. Everyone loves me and thinks im the best... But I'm not... i'm so used to giving and being kind to others. Parfait remarked.

But what about being kind to yourself. Flora noted back

Cos its selfish. said Parfait.

No. There's a difference. Florabelle curtly replied, her paws on Parfait's shoulders.

Not to me, there isnt. Flo, you put so much effort, love and care into all this but its not my birthday, Papa's birthday or the Prettiopia's founder's anniversary. This flower, this field... I cant have this. Parfait replied with dread and guilt.

Why? We're best friends, we can give gifts to each other anytime

Exactly! Because its from you, its special. Its meaningful. You know how much I love roses and you planted a whole field of them! If it was Rags giving me a spinning top or something, thats one thing. But youve made me something special. So special that I cant have it. said Parfait.

Why? replied Florabelle

Cos I can't, okay? said Parfait.

WHY?? said Florabelle, raising her voice slightly.

BECAUSE IM NOT WORTHY OF THIS!!" Parfait yells, tears streaming down her face.

All I'm worthy for is for throwing parties, making people laugh, hosting ceremonies and festivals, BIG events. All my life, Dad never thought i would amount to anything but now that im being regent in his place, it's my chance to finally prove I can be the heir he's always dreamed of and...the daughter he wants to love... Parfait confessed, now turning away to stop Flora seeing her in this embarrassing state.

Fayfay... Florabelle whispered sympathetically.

So, please, Flo. I cant accept this... please dont hate me... said Parfait, tears clouding her vision, as she gives back the rose. After a moment of silence with Parfait's barely audible sobbing, Flora grabs Parfait's paw and puts the rose back. Parfait looks up, confused and afraid, Flora rushes in to give her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Flo? Parfait questioned, confused.

I love you. replied Florabelle

Oh. Oh sprinkles... y-you do?? said Parfait, now blushing like an apple. She never realised her best friend had feelings for her. In hindsight, she shouldve seen that coming.

Heehee, for a while. answered Florabelle.

Oh, i feel stupid now. Why didnt I see the signs? said Parfait.

Fay, even future queens cant read minds. replied Florabelle

The girls laugh.

Listen I dont know whats going on inside your head or what your dad's like, but I want to be there for you. Florabelle declared, holding Parfait's paws.

Flo... Me too. said Parfait, before she knew it, a warm relaxed smile stretched across her face, causing Flora to smile back.

What are ya smiling for? said Parfait.

This is the first time I ever see you smile like that. Whenever you're on stage or hosting a party, you smile all the time. But this one you got on? I want to see that smile more often, if thats okay with you. said Florabelle.

Fine with me, girlfriend. Parfait replied, beaming with joy.

Florabelle and Parfait both clip on roses on their dresses, symbolising their love for each other and hold hands as they walk and laugh into the horizon.

-----------

So yeah thats what ive got so far. its a work in progress but I thought it was a lovely scene showing how Flora, despite not knowing the full story of Parfait's situation, shes still willing to love and support her and Parfait reciprocates, finally happy to be with someone who loves her unconditionally. Any changes I need to make, please let me know.

[grymghoul]

genuinely a lil heartbreaking to hear someone say that astarion feels... coded. Like he's pan/bi, what about him makes him feel ...coded and not bi? Do what you want and i dont mean to come off like im miffed at you specifically for feeling some type of way about it or having an opinion, I've just seen so much biphobia about the bg3 characters but especially and overwhelmingly when it comes to astarion, its disheartening and sad to hear so many people say that the flamboyant man who often talks about his relations with men Has to be gay and the whole "I can't see him with a woman, sorry girls he's not for you" are actual comments I've seen which is just kinda :( cause he's confirmed pan by a couple people involved in the game and characters creation. just feels like it feeds into a lot of irl rhetoric around bi's being either too gay or too straight to be bi ykwim? Again not meaning to sound pissy with you or anything, obviously its not real so its not that big a deal whatsoever and you're a random person on the internet with thoughts, i think im just more rambling to you about that general idea and the biphobia ive seen from others, sorry about that ❤️ please delete this if you like im a stranger on the internet lmao ly.

Yes, I understand that, I've also retracted my previous statement on my word usage in previous asks on the subject.

It was less intended on being bi erasure, more on I'm getting away from writing content for women for a while. Astarion was just the first I've committed to it, but my subsequent characters will be mostly m!reader. I know it came off shitty, a lot of the time when I post things like that, it's when I'm drinking and don't give a damn about the consequences. I would delete it, but that'd be.. dishonest?? I suppose. Like I said it, I'll stand by it, to deal with the consequences. I know that's not an excuse, I'm not using it as one, I'm just explaining my pov.

I thought I was bi for a looooong time, but that was in a time where I was uncomfortable with my sexuality and lacked the security to just be gay. I dated women to be more palatable to the masses. So, I understand and definitely did not intend for that to happen. As stated in my previous ask, which you should be able to find under my tags anon or asks, I try to be accommodating to as many things as I can but also, I write for me. It was mostly a disclaimer, like.. if I write, it'll be for me and my tastes.

It was poorly stated. It was wrong of me to say it the way I did. I don't know what else to say. Like I said, taking it down feels dishonest. Receiving these asks are the consequences of my actions and a reminder to do better, I suppose. I'm responding to yours because you were polite and articulate, which I appreciate. Again, I apologize.

Idk I'm bad at internet apologies, sue me, I'm only human. This is my first rodeo and my first time being a human.

If the general populous wants me to take that down, I'll gladly do so. It just felt more appropriate to.. idk accept the tomatoes being thrown for my shitty behavior and verbiage vs deleting it and sweeping it under the rug.

Is this accountability? Idk I feel like my boyfriend would tell me "hey, that's making excuses, not taking accountability and responsibility." So idk what accountability is. I'm trying to learn and grow, I suppose. Well, do or do not, there is no try.

[iwonderwhyitrysohard]

its really hard not to get angry sometimes

i know im a full time college student so doing classwork and networking and whatnot is my job. but like i have two jobs, and im taking 16 hours of classes, and one of my professors is the worst.

this man told me he wouldnt excuse any absences for a surgery i was supposed to have this wednesday. but since i had sepsis and could have died i GUESS i can have that excused.

im on a very liberal campus. and i am a very liberal myself. but jesus christ i'm starting to get why disability gets denied so often and why nobody believes me when i seek help.

im sure some of it is just my anger spilling over, and i feel the need to get angry at people with less severe symptoms than me, but there are also just so many people here who don't have what they claim they have.

you would think as people studying mental health and illness and the brain you would know that not having any sensory or social issues prior to college means you dont qualify for an autism diagnosis. but that just slips right over so many people's heads.

im not even kidding, i had someone tell me that because im diagnosed autistic that i cant make autism jokes because it isnt fair to the people who self diagnose.

it isnt fair to some of the people who take the resources i need and delegitamize my illness.

ok!

and ofc not everyone who self diagnoses is wrong. i mean i cannot tell you the amount of people i know who suspected autism, saved up their money, and bam, autism diagnosis. Even those who can't go get a diagnosis are often correct, they have the symptoms!

but these people literally cannot stop themselves from divulging information about their pasts that proves they just have ADHD and social issues.

if you take psych classes in college people will trauma dump. its inevitable. but to trauma dump, give us a full look at you and the issues you've had, then claim a disability you don't have the symptoms of makes me upset.

i think its hard for me too because i want to pretend that autism is becoming more socially acceptable but it really isnt. the idea of "quirky childlike autism bean" is becoming popular. i miss a lot of social cues, and sometimes i say things that are not appropriate because i misread the room. accepting autism would be like my friends who explain to me why what i said isnt appropriate and help me understand nuance. accepting autism is understanding that i cant go to every social event we plan because i cant handle new people, so you plan events just for us.

it isnt people who coddle my destructive symptoms and let me get away with stuff because "well you have autism."

no autism isnt an excuse you can use for stalking someone. (yes someone tried this excuse after i reported them to administration for threats/harassment)

its not an excuse you can use for why you dont do chores or help around the apartment. (seen this one on our college yikyak)

its not a badge of honor that grants you access to some secret club.

its got perks but its got a ton of downsides. i have to consciously manage my symptoms daily. and its exhausting! but thats what its like to have something like this.

i dont wanna devalue other people's experiences, and i really just want to know why people think its so cool to be disabled. i guess i just wish i could be them. that i could have something mild or not at all and just get to claim the title and manage a couple symptoms.

but that wasnt what i got.

i think everyone who suspects a disability of sorts deserves recognition and the access to doctors who can help them for cheap or free.

even if you dont have what you think you do, you might have something else. or maybe you are even atypical!

i just get upset because i had to jump through all of these hoops and have so many people treat me different just because of some words on paper that i had to pay for. i mean seriously testing is expensive and its all for what? a piece of paper that says i cant make eye contact or handle loud sounds (/s)?

that i had to be so uncomfortable and treated so badly to find out thats whats wrong with me.

and some people just dont have to go through that.

im angry that i did and they didnt.

but thats life. its different for everyone. and i know that. i just wish i didnt get so angry sometimes.

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Hi,

Can I request bsd males with a female reader who is shy around boys and sometimes even awkward, but because she hasn't had much interactions with boys before, so she doesn't know how to talk to them. Thanks, and have a great day/night!

BSD boys with a shy Fem!Reader

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs Pairings:Atsushi, Dazai, Chuuya X Fem!reader Genre:Fluff, Humour Format:Headcanons Warnings:None Word Count:0.8K A/n:ofc baby! sorry for keeping you waiting all this time :)

I only did some of them since you didnt specify the characters you wanted. did them separately, and reader is their colleague.Not proofread as always hehe.

Atsushi Nakajime

Totally understands you.

Like, its ok! Youre shy, hes shy, you have something in common at least!

His shyness does not stop him from trying to make conversation with you tho. Its true that you were kinda avoiding him and turned red whenever you ran into him, but you seem like a really nice person! He wants to be friends with you (maybe he wants something more, but is too shy to consider it)

you seemed really comfortable around Yosano and Naomi, but why were you so awkward around him? was he the problem? as always?

Well he obviously wasnt, but he wont find out unless you tell him. he'll try to get close to you again, and will blame himself even more when you continue shying away from him. it'll be more like an emotional damage, since you became one of the persons he admires.

but he does feel better when you open up a bit around him. not making up a lame axcuse and leave the room the minute he entered it like you usually did, and actually talk to him while gently smiling at him, he suddenly gets it.

He might not be the problem. you were just a normal person, and were acting like one. you werent the type of person who would immediately hit it off with other people, and unfortunately he was surrounded with so many peope like this (Dazai) that he didnt even bother to consider that theory.

so yeah. hes relieved that he isnt the problem, but he has something else to worry about now; which is how stunning and beautiful you are now that you became a bit closer with him and has made a few attemps to touch him (in a normal way). His poor heart might not be able to handle it <3

Osamu Dazai

this bitch

realises the reason at a first glance

you know that he LOVES teasing people, right? so basically, whenever youre focusing on something, he just shows up out of the blue and scares surprises you by hitting tapping on your shoulder, which makes you jump in the spot. "Hey Y/n-Chan! how are you doing today! looking stunning as ever, i see!"

he wasnt able to finish his sentence once because you accidentally punched him lol. it was really embarrassing given that he was your superior and stuff.

LOVES making physical contact. claims that hes not doing them unpurpose, but when your body completely sticks to his as he reaches over to grab something from the shelf, you know its not an accident.

hitting on you literally all the time. uses every chance he gets to send multiple pick up lines at you, and often gets scolded by Kunikida cause its not really appropriate to do this with a newbie.

when you finally get used to him and even start flirting back at some point, hes over the edge. like, he didnt know anyone could be this hot while saying stuff like that! hes even more attracted to you now.

will start other stuff as well. buying stuff for you when hes supposed to be focusing on the mission, picking out flowers because theyre pretty, he bets they look better on you hair.

Chuuya Nakahara

I dont think hes the smooth type of guy when it comes to woman. i mean hes not shy (not until you unexpectedly make a move on him lol) but hes not like Dazai either, So its a lot easier with him. he doesnt try to fluster you, or make unnecessary conversations.

but it is a bit odd to him. how you turn into a tomato whenever he talks to you. he doesnt even say something embarrassing or uncomfortable, then why are you like this?

"great. another weird person"

or maybe its not that weird.

anyway, this guy is gold, so he wont try to tease you about it, but like Atsushi, when he sees you being smooth around other people and actually make conversation with them, he gets pissed.

like what? hes not good enough or something? or perhaps he somehow managedto harm you and doesnt know about it?

and he gets so pissed (since he kinda likes you) that he comes to you and asks you straight up.

"Hey! do you have a problem with me?" Y/n: panics* "W-What? N-No! " "then why am i the only one youre avoiding? did i do something to you?" "no...its just that..."

when you manage to tell him that what the real problem is, hes surprised. all the people around him were different from you, acting like they know each other and their weaknesses for ages on their first meeting, so he never even considered this possibility.

he quickly apologises and leaves you alone, but that makes you feel bad. like, maybe youre making other people uncomfortable too, by acting like this.

so the next day when you actually go to him and start a normal conversation, hes happy. at first he thinks youre doing it out of pitty, embarrassment or something like that, but he gets even happier when you tell him youre not.

hopefully these normal conversations turn into something more :)

[everythingsinred]

apparently zoe’s friend coined the phrase “slavaboo” to describe the strange subsection of people who are a little too obsessed with communism and the ussr, call each other comrade, joke about gulags, and pretend to have slavic accents, etc. u know. people who are superficially interested in slavs without knowing anything about slavic culture or history. they took the form of annoying white american boys throughout high school for me and would mansplain to me (incorrectly) about MY culture and history as if their terrible fake russian accent that they put on for kicks trumps my years of being an actual serb. now its tiktok girlies wearing ushankas and making really uncomfortable content about communism and eastern block “aesthetic”.

like on the one hand ushankas are just hats and im really not interested in gatekeeping my culture bc ive always wanted to share it, but tbh what pisses me off is that these ppl ARENT interested in the culture. ill always think back on that post abt cultural appropriation i saw a few years ago, that rightly challenged white ppl pulling elements of poc culture into their lives without first understanding the cultural significance. but that post then turned around and recommended aspects of european culture, specifically slavic and eastern european, that white ppl could use instead (folkwear and holidays), and that pissed me off.

in my balkan class we learned that eastern europe, particularly the balkans, are viewed as europe lite. it’s a strange place to be because obviously were white. thats just a fact. but western europeans view us as savages, uncivilized, a barbaric and war-torn land of backwards people. the first day of class my professor asked us to tell us words we associated with the balkans and GOD DAMN was there plenty of orientalism in that american university classroom. for most of our history we’ve barely been considered europe. our relationship with the word “europe” is so complex and difficult to properly explain. western europe doesnt consider us europe bc were not on their level. so getting grouped in like that, having someone outside of that group give other white people permission to “use” our culture with the same cavalier attitude that they would appropriate poc culture? its UNPLEASANT. i dont like it.

i guess what im trying to say is that knowing about russian war tanks and pilots is cool and all. gushing about eastern bloc architecture and wearing ushankas is fun. but slavic history is a big mess, torn between wanting to be part of the civilized “europe” but also not wanting to reject our specific culture (like the conflict between westernizers and slavophiles in russian history).

im thinking about the heartbreak of telling classmates and friends that i was slavic but having them be more interested in my barebones knowledge of russian history and culture rather than asking me about my serbian culture. that all i was to them was an excuse to talk about the soviet union or the warsaw pact when my country was never even a part of either. they’d get grossed out by the food i brought to school, demonstrate no interest in my culture at all. id watch their eyes glaze over when i excitedly asked them if they wanted me to write their name in cyrillic or teach them serbian phrases... its all so surface level and vapid. tbh really cringe. thats what yall are. cringe. using ur stupid fake slavic accents, calling each other comrades, making jokes about the ussr and gulags as if theres any humor to be found in a gulag. sickening behavior.

i WANT people to be interested in my culture but i want them to appreciate it. i dont want them pulling aspects that they can use for the aesthetic, or for them to oversimplify slavic history or make jokes about the ussr or gulags. i want them learning about folklore and mythology, actually listening to our music (and maybe actual folk music, not just the russian techno ppl like). look at our art, our stories. we have a rich and vibrant and varied culture with many influences. its not all blank cement buildings and ushankas. we have a lot of beautiful culture to offer and it pisses me off how ppl dismiss it.

[un2-verse]

BILLY — Kim Taehyung (2)

pairing: taehyung x f reader

genre: horror au, yandere au, saw/john kramer au

synopsis: News of a Sadistic Serial Killer nicknamed “Jigsaw” is spreading around town like wildfire… the nickname stemming from the puzzle piece he cuts from every victim’s body. No one knows who he’ll trap next but in a town full of delinquents and criminals, it could never be you. Right?

warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughs, abusive relationships, stalking etc. dont read if triggered. there are some ?? fucked up things in this but idk what to word them. but also mentions of self harm/self hating thoughts.

wordcount: 2.2k

a/n: unedited so pls forgive me for any mistakes and lmk if u want to be added to a taglist^^

series masterlist

part one part three

You’d spent a couple of hours in the café with Taehyung. Jimin popped over every now and then to talk with his best friend and to make sure you had everything you needed while there.

When you left, Jimin wrapped his arms around you as he bid his farewell, “It was lovely to meet you Y/N! Please, don’t be a stranger!” You simply nodded your head as you pulled away from the hug. You grinned back at him as he moved to Taehyung. You opened the door, carefully stepping outside to leave the boys with some privacy.

Once the door shut Jimin’s smile beamed, “so she’s the girl you’re always talking about, Flower? Right?”

“Yeah she is, thanks for that though man but, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you later?”

Taehyung smiled as he made his way towards you, you looked up and he swore, he saw a hint of nervousness in your eyes, probably because it’s dark, he thought to himself. “Come on then, let’s get you home.” He held out his hand, you were quick to grab a hold of it. Taehyung intertwined your fingers as he tugged you back across the road, “it’ll take about twenty minutes, you gonna be alright to walk?” he glanced down to you.

Your heart warmed at the way his eyes smiled with him, “I’ll be fine, thank you.” He seemed happy enough with your answer as you fell into a steady rhythm. You felt a little conflicted, you may not know Taehyung well but he had an energy about him that made you wanna spill every secret you knew, you’d shared pointless stories while you were at the café, having learnt Taehyung was a family oriented person, he loved art and he was passionate about little subjects other people would deem small. Yet he had a warmth that you’d not seen in anyone else.

Fuck it, you thought, he’s shown nothing but kindness, you may aswell open upto him… atleast.

“I was in an abusive relationship.” Taehyung felt himself smirk but quickly wiped it from his face, he arched an eyebrow as he looked down to you, “it was my first too. It left me, fucked up, in a way. Not that I wasn’t already fucked up.” Progress. He squeezed your hand in reassurance, go on… “I’ve always been insecure and uh, uncomfortable with the way I look. After that disaster of a relationship, it left me worse for wear.” you kept your eyes on the road, you didn’t want to see the judgement on his face yet it didn’t stop you from carrying on, “I never told my friends or family about it. None of them knew I was struggling before it anyway so I’ve been letting it tear me apart.”

“Why tell me then doll?”

You risked a glance at his face. There were no traces of judgement or pity. Swallowing down your nerves, you added softly, “I had to tell someone. Even if that someone is a random person— who showed me kindness when I needed it.”

Taehyung felt his heart clench, she’s already trusting me… this was easier than I thought. “Don’t feel like you need to tell me anything baby,” I already know it all.

You felt your cheeks burn from the pet name, how could something so simple, affect you this much? God, talk about a schoolgirl crush. “That’s the thing, I don’t feel like I need to. I just, I want to.”

Taehyung presented you with his boxy grin, “Then you can tell me anything you want, whether it's big or small.”

“Thank you Taehyung.” It was like the sun had shone down on you, the simplest gesture meant the world. Here you had a person willing to talk to you about your darkest secrets. A person willing to listen. Someone who had no ties to your family, which made it easier for the words to flow from you, “It’s like, I was this happy, care-free kid. I smiled without forcing it and when I laughed… I felt free. I didn’t feel like I was losing my breath. Not like I do now, everytime I do so much as breathe, it's like these roots have twisted around my lungs and everytime a breath escapes, they crush them tighter. It’s like a reminder. You’re never fully alive. You’re never fully happy. Pain overrides any other emotion. I’ve learned that, after all those years. I used to think, I’d never accept it.” A solemn silence fell over you. The roots squeezed your lungs even tighter as you whispered, “I’m scared of living.”

“Flower, some people are anchored to this world by their feet, others by their fears. You don’t have to voice it, I know you’re scared. You have your fears. Your demons. The thing you were doing at the cafe; is destructive. Anything that harms you, is destructive. Fuck, it may only be something as simple as picking your skin but that can lead into bigger things.”

It already has.

“Taehyung, I know that. I knew when it started but it helps, it lessens my anxiety. You’re the only one to have picked up on it. My friends… they don’t notice. If they do, they don’t mention it.”

Taehyung scoffed, “You really think anyone on this planet is your friend?”

Your mouth was sewn shut. You didn’t want to admit it but, there was some truth to his words.

You walked home in silence.

That night haunted you. It forced its way into your dreams. It clouded your thoughts when Yoongi and Hoseok were with you. When you’d spent time together, you were vacant. A soulless body. It was like a poison had found its way into your brain, second guessing relationships and people’s motives.

‘You really think anyone on this planet is your friend?’

Why were you letting it get in your head so much? You knew your friends. They were the only ones you felt safe with. They were your friends for a reason, they supported you (albeit sometimes they had a sense of… tough love) but they always had your back.

You didn’t mention Taehyung to Yoongi or Hoseok. You felt as though that was something that should be kept between you and him. Plus, the duo would’ve felt betrayed and upset by the fact you had wandered into foreign territory alone and found company in a complete stranger-- especially after they’d warned you about the whole Jigsaw shit.

To save the arguments, you went about your life as usual. You helped out your Mum with the flower shop, the array of flowers made you realise how the simplest things were beautiful. That of course, didn’t include yourself. Rancid thoughts clouded what was once, a tranquil space. Those god forsaken roots hadn’t lessened. Breathing was still difficult— as was pretending that you were absolutely fine.

You avoided mirrors, a quick glance could wreck your entire mood. You hated people taking photos of you, it made you scrutinise every single thing.

My nose is too big.

My chin is too round.

My face just shouts ugly.

My legs are disgusting.

My stomach is embarrassing.

My boobs are weird.

Not to say, you didn’t have these thoughts on the regular. However, the more you eluded your appearance, the voices lessened. You could ignore the way you looked, forget it completely. Often convinced yourself you were a plain person. The stereotypical norm: someone that no one would look twice at. It helped you get on with everyday tasks, it helped you ease the anxiety.

After all, every flower must grow through dirt.

But how would you react? If you knew, he had all the pictures of you?

Tuesdays you worked at your Dad’s garage. You didn’t know much about cars but you enjoyed his company. As well as spending time with Hobi and Yoongi. You often found yourself pranking the former with Yoongi, little jokes that luckily, didn’t piss Hobi off too much.

Today though, you were late. You’d had to spend more time trying to find the more appropriate clothing… you didn’t want people to see the slashed lines of red that littered your body.

After you messily threw an outfit together, you made your way down to the garage. You found your eyes trained on the silver Nissan Skyline, mouth agape as you collided into something.

You felt hands grab your shoulders, “Watch where you’re going,” Yoongi brought his hands to ruffle your hair, “gotta be careful while we’ve got that here kidda. That fuckers expensive.” He released a chuckle as you rolled your eyes, softly elbowing him out the way.

Your dad was under the bonnet, a box of tools were scattered around his feet. Organised mess, your Dad was infamous for it.

“Sorry I’m late Pops, what do you want me to do?”

Not even a second later, your Dad turned to face you, “Ah darling, not a lot while we’re working on this. Can you go make us some drinks?”

“Yeah course, I won’t be too long!”

You passed Hoseok on your way to the little kitchen situated at the back, he sent you a wink as he shouted across, “Coffee for me kidda!”

Three cups were spread in front of you. Americano for Yoongi, Coffee for Hobi and Cappuchino for Pops. Just as you were about to shout the guys, a presence had situated itself comfortably behind you. Before you had time to turn around, a deep baritone voice addressed you, “You not gonna ask me if I want a cup baby?”

You felt yourself still. You knew that voice. The voice that was haunting your dreams, even your wake.

You really think anyone on this planet is your friend?

Taehyung watched the way your body tensed, your shoulders stiffened, your breathing altered. Hm, she’s nervous. How cute.

“What are you doing here?” the words passed your lips, delivered as though they were encased in thorns.

A deep chuckle filled the room, “What do you think I’m doing here?” Taehyung inched closer, the atmosphere was almost palpable. You felt the way his chest brushed against your back, a sudden chill shot through you as he brought his hand up— which grazed against your skin whilst he moved your hair from your neck. His eyes turned hungry at the sight of your goosebumps. Your heart raced when he brought his head lower, lips next to your ear, “You think I’m here for you baby?” I am… but you don’t need to know that just yet.

You spun around, squashed between the table and Taehyung. Heat radiated off of him, how can he be so hot? It felt like you were in a furnace (while face to face with the Devil.)

Fear stricken, you tried to fight through it. Don’t show him. Don’t let him see. With a sarcastic smile plastered on your face you retorted, “Of course you are Taehyung. You tracked me down using the information I gave you and figured out which Garage is ours.”

The sarcasm was practically dripping from your tone like venom. Taehyung felt himself stifle a laugh.

You just didn’t know. In all fairness, you didn’t know anything. How would you know that Taehyung had done exactly that, except he’d done it months prior.

He lowered his head to yours, your hands raised to push him away but Taehyung wrapped his fingers around each wrist and tugged them to lay between you before you even had the chance to nudge him. You felt like you were stuck in a Venus fly trap.

“I’m not some type of sicko, doll.”

You were just a naive, misunderstood, little girl.

“I’m getting my car fixed. Your dad’s working on it right now.”

Your body visibly relaxed, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Oh, the Skyline? Wait, you have a car and made us walk back to mine the other week?”

“I didn’t make you walk for the fun of it baby, my car is literally in the shop so obviously it was broken.”

Only, the car was perfectly fine when you met him those weeks ago. He had made the pair of you walk so he’d have more of a chance to speak to you and to touch you. The only way he could follow you around without being suspicious, especially at your dads work, was to have a somewhat reasonable excuse (which resulted in him messing with the engine). He knew although you’d shied away from him that night, he could easily win you back around.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry Taehyung. I’m also uh, sorry about how that night ended.”

“Don’t sweat it, I know what I said came off a little... weird but I didn’t mean any harm.”

With an angelic smile on your face in return, Taehyung knew that soon, that smile would morph into a grateful one. After all, he was going to help you.

Until a person is faced with death, it’s impossible to tell whether they have what it takes to survive.

Live or Die.

Your choice.

He had first seen you out and about last year. However, he had first heard of you when the guys working for him had slammed a file onto his desk, Subject #13 was scrawled on the top. Filled to the brim with pictures of you and everything about your life down to the littlest detail.

L/N Y/N— D.O.B 03.11.02— 19 years old.

Phone number: XXXXX.XXXXX

Female. Lives with parents at: 171 Norm Street, Falfield F91 7DW. Was outcasted at school but befriended a Jeon Jeongguk [19 years, male. 92 Carriers Road, Cressage CY5 3EA. XXXXX.XXXXX].

Ex partner is Kang Jaehyo. [23 years. Male. Abusive and manipulative, laid his hands on Y/N multiple times leaving bruises and scars. Sexual abuse was also discovered. Have been broken up for 4 months. 13 Walkers Drive, Falfield, F73 1DL XXXXX.XXXXX]

Y/N has suicidal ideations (as well as 7 attempts). Self harms by “cutting” “punching” and “scratching”. Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety Disorder on May 13th 2016. Works at Toret Garage and Letty’s Floral. Both places owned by parents.

The web of lies and deceit had barely scraped the surface.