#and are they not gonna show the outcome of the election?? weird)

[asexualannoyance]

"Actually, all parents love their kids. They will treat their kids in the way they think is best. It's just that maybe kids don't like those methods." + "communicate with your parents"

i like mama xu but this wisdom+advice - especially in ye guang's situation - is just complete and utter bullshit, i'm sorry, but what the hell, his parents just basically berate and verbally kinda abuse him, lmao, why are any of these people incapable to just say, "yes, your parents suck, i'm sorry."

like, i get what she's trying to say and to a certain degree i agree, and yes i know she doesn't have that much information AND she is a parent herself, lmao, but like, eugh, i hate this shit because sometimes parents just suck and are asshole and there's not much you (especially as the child) can really do - like, i approve of communication but it doesn't work if the other party won't listen (which i highly doubt his parents would do, lmao)

addendum: "We've always cared a lot about you," she (ye guang's mother) says right after his father hit him AND they were classist, elitist pricks; also, the whole scene? fucking atrocious, he should kill his parents and let this turn into a different kind of drama, lol

2nd addendum: they will not make me sympathetic to the parents in the last episode because of that video ye guang sent them and them going "yeah, maybe we SHOULDN'T treat our son like an investment and push him so much, hmmm", lmao, like, not happening, that realisation comes like way too late

[arcaneglitch]

Transcript of Wilbur and Quackity arguing over Tommy

Let me preface this by saying that these motherfuckers (affectionate) spend half of the stream talking over each other which makes transcribing dialogue a nightmare

Anyway, here it is, starting from Tommy and Wilbur's conversation next to the safety penis

Tommy: There was a time when you weren’t here on this server...on this- this SMP. When I went… I went against… (sigh) I put a lot of things to the side that I shouldn’t have, Wil. I prioritized the wrong things. I put… I put revenge over- over humanity, humaneness.

Wilbur: Mmhm

Tommy: I guess all I’m seeking now is just someone that’s gonna be honest with me and a place where I can feel safe. I- I- I betrayed Technoblade and it- I just couldn’t admit it. Um… and I did the wrong thing with Tubbo. But… (sigh)

Wilbur: This can be a safe place for them.

[beat]

Tommy: Yeah I can’t… can’t go against family anymore, Wil. I’ve got…

Wilbur: Yeah.

Tommy: No, you’re right. I’ll stay here. I’ll- I’ll uh…

Wilbur: I think you’ve made the right choice. And Tommy, it’s gonna- more than anything, it’s gonna be fun.

[they talk about penis walls and then start building a penis in the lake]

Wilbur (about Quackity): I will be mean! Tommy, he challenged me! Did you see him? Did you see the look in his eyes? God, it was cool! It was cool. I was about to say it was hot, but that would be wrong. Look, Tommy, it was- it was-

Tommy: Listen, before we keep going, you don’t have a crush on Big Q, do you? ‘Cause that feels like-

Wilbur: I have a complicated relationship with Big Q but I don’t think it’s at that level yet. Look, it’s…

Tommy: Ok. That’s…

Wilbur: Tommy, listen, Big Q-

Tommy: That’s fine for now.

Wilbur: Big Q’s gonna wish he’d never fucked with me. [whispering] Look wait- oh he’s looking he’s looking. Get to work, get to work, get to work.

[they continue building the penis]

[Wilbur types “HEY BITCH” in chat]

Wilbur: Hey bitch! Hey bitch!

Tommy: Let me add the hair.

Wilbur: Can you hear me over there? Big Q?

Quackity: Yeah! Yeah I can hear you! I can hear you just fine!

[Wilbur and Tommy yell over each other about cock and balls while Quackity makes sarcastic comments. This whole exchange has the energy of two next-door neighbors yelling at each other over a fence]

Quackity: Good job opening your eyes and not realizing that this guy is just using you, Tommy! As he has all this time!

Wilbur (over): I- oh big coming from Mr. Casino Man!

Quackity (under): Good job, Tommy! You made a big mistake! You made a great big mistake, Tommy! Good job!

Tommy (over): I opened my eyes and I saw balls! I SAW BALLS!

Wilbur (over): Bigger balls! Bigger balls!

Wilbur: Oh, nice work.

Quackity: Oh my god. The hi- history repeats itself, Tommy.

Wilbur: (laughs)

Quackity: You’re just letting this guy use you. You’re just letting him emotionally manipulate you. I- I heard what you told him, Wilbur. Good job! Good job! You’re repeating the same tactics and he’s falling for them.

Wilbur (over): You used his hotel -- the one thing Tommy’s tried to do was a failure!

Quackity (under): Good job, Wilbur. Good job, Tommy. Good job, Tommy! He’s just gonna bring you pain, he’s just gonna bring you suffering, he’s gonna bring you all the same things, Tommy!

Wilbur (over): Tommy, look at me! The one thing you tried to do when I was gone, Tommy, was make that hotel and it failed! It failed! You’re in the right place. You’re in the right place, Tommy!

Quackity: Remember! Who destroyed L’Manberg, Tommy? WHO DESTROYED L’MANBERG, TOMMY? Think about that! Think about that for a second!

Wilbur: Who ran against you! Who laughed as we were exiled?

Quackity: Think about that for a second, Tommy.

Wilbur: Who cheered as we were thrown out of our nation that we built? WE built!

Quackity: Who wanted- who wanted a better outcome for L’Manberg, Tommy? Who did? Who wanted to run a “democratic election” with just one party? He’s right up there, Tommy! He’s right up there above you.

Wilbur: Remember the pit, Tommy? Remember what happened in the pit?

Quackity: Remember who joined you after you had to leave the pit to fight. It was me, Tommy. It was me.

Wilbur: Don’t trust people who would have fought you in the pit.

[beat]

Quackity: Tommy? Every time… every time you’re doing a new project with this guy, you’re building a new country -- a new nation, whatever it may be, just think about what happened to the last one. Just think about that, Tommy. Hm? Think about what happened to your home. L’Manberg. Think about what happened there. And look at who the responsible is.

[Wilbur builds the penis higher while Quackity tries to match his height with blocks]

Quackity: Now he’s making you build a penis just to spite me? Wow! Great job! Wilbur, you are SO… you are SO incredibly mature. You know that? You know that, Wilbur. You’re so incredibly mature. Great job, Wilbur, great job at doing the same thing to TommyInnit you’ve done your entire goddamn life. You know-

Wilbur: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, don’t listen to him, Tommy. Don’t listen to him, Tommy. He’s… he’s as immature as I am. He’s… he’s um, he’s… I guess, my- my yang. He’s the yang.

Quackity: [laughs] Don’t try to compare me to you, Wilbur. You and me are not the same. We’re not the same people. We have different goals… You know what! You know what, keep doing your penis. Keep doing the immature shit that you are doing. You know what, Tommy? [sighs]

Wilbur: He has no response. He has no- we won! Round one. Round one, Tommy. Round one, Tommy, we won. Look, come here, we won! We won! [beat] Tommy, you’re not smiling. We won!

Tommy: Wil, you told me-

Wilbur: Whoa whoa whoa whoa hey hey hey! Don’t come near Tommy! Don’t come near Tommy!

Tommy: Wil, wil, just-

Wilbur: I see you.

Tommy: Hey, hey! I- LET ME SPEAK! This is about me so let me speak! I- I- I don’t know-

Wilbur: I just don’t want him to hurt you. I don’t want him to hurt you.

Tommy: I can fend for myself. You weren’t here for a long time.

Wilbur: Ok, Tommy.

Tommy: I thought… [sighs] I thought you were gonna make me feel a bit safer. Let me tell you now, either of you-

Quackity: Fellas, fellas.

Tommy: No, shut the fuck up! I didn’t feel- That didn’t make me feel… That was weird. I didn’t- Don’t do that, either of you.

Wilbur: I won’t do it again. He will, though.

Quackity: Listen… Listen to me, ok? I think we all got off on the wrong foot. I don’t think this should’ve turned out the way it just turned out. Ok? So, on my side, I want to apologize to you, Tommy. I want to apologize. This was very unkind of me...

Tommy: Apologies mean a lot…

Quackity: Yeah. I want to apologize to you, Tommy. This was very unkind of me and this was not welcoming at all, so let’s do this…

Wilbur: That’s very nice of you, Quackity. Thank you.

Quackity: Let’s all relax. Let’s all relax. And Wilbur, come here too. How about you guys take a nice little tour across the country?

Tommy: You know what. Quackity, why don’t I- why don’t we just put a pin in this conversation, alright? Wilbur: No no wait! Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Wait. A tour?

Quackity: I- yeah! Yeah yeah yeah. I would like to show you guys what I’ve been working on. I think- I think from the outside it looks fine and all but I wanna show you really what I’ve been working on.

Tommy: Yeah that sounds- that sounds fun.

Quackity: Ok. How about- how about-

Wilbur: Quackity, I want to say… I want to say to you from here on, as much as we have our disagreements here, man, I… We gotta leave Tommy out of this. Like, Tommy, I- I- I’m sorry if we came off a bit strong. Quackity: Tommy… Tommy, you don’t- you don’t deserve any of it.

Tommy: It was a little bit- I feel- I feel like it was getting taken out on me, fellas. You two just kiss, make up, it’s fine. It’s just- it’s not…

[Wilbur and Quackity have another height competition with blocks as they talk]

Wilbur: No, I don’t think I wanna kiss him…

Quackity: Tommy, Tommy. Just remember that it was very wrong of us to do such- You know what, let’s just continue on. Let’s continue on…

Wilbur: Let’s walk, let’s walk.

[painted-crow]

Submission time #19

so i’ve been spending the last little bit unburning my lion primary. now i’m sort of lost on secondary? i suspect i have bird in there somewhere but i’m having a hard time separating my natural secondary and a model that i really like and find helpful. (or maybe it’s the now-surprisingly-loud lion primary drive for authenticity coming through?) so if it’s okay with you, i’ll take a crack at some of the quiz questions and see if there’s anything of note? spacing might be weird—i’m on mobile :/

Sure thing!

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you?

my answer to this one depends on the day. yes, they’re extremely influential; no, i don’t always like it. not because i don’t appreciate or need the help but because it got into my head in a funny way growing up. i’ve always been tremendously lucky to have people who love and want to help me, but like... it gets to the point where it feels like i’m nothing on my own. how much of this is a favour? what do i owe you? are you just trying to spare my feelings or because i’m related to someone else? i’m desperate to be able to say (and believe) that i’ve done something for myself on my own terms.

Ooh, okay. So, you've maybe got some caretaker Badgers around you, but that's not you--you don't really value this in yourself, even if it's how the community around you works. If you have any Badger secondary, it's anxious.

Do people consider you charismatic?

charisma is SUCH a concept. it gives off such an animal magnetism, face of the revolution vibe, which is not me at all. i have to work hard to be nice bc most people deserve the benefit of the doubt (as i repress the instinct to be judgy and mean LMAO) and also bc it just works better socially? flies and honey and all that. i also have very specific ways of being nice: “mom friend” and “hypercompetent rookie in line of succession” and “spicy and nonjudgmental confidante” which, granted, are already all parts of my personality just emphasized for clarity. i think of it like... personality colour correction, or... code-switching i guess.

You've literally just described Actor Bird. Also, you're not very nice when you describe yourself, are you?

people tend to like me more than i like me, though, and it catches me a little by surprise every time. maybe it’s just because i live in my own head and it’s a lot quieter and more anxious up here. it does suck a little, suddenly being worried that like “ooh ppl only like what u show them but that’s not how u rlly are”

Lions (primary or secondary) and Actor Bird can really clash... it sounds like you're discovering that your primary doesn't like this tactic as it unburns. Also, I think Bird masks just take a lot of energy if used long term. That might be me though.

so i’ll Sprinkle In Some Light Trauma to gauge the reaction (and regret it immediately). the truth is that not many people make it past the social utility part of friendship and so i don’t rlly... feel safe? putting down the masks which are designed to smooth interactions in any case. (so i guess YES but actually no i’m charismatic but also that’s a very different public facing side)

Yeah, this is all Actor Bird so far. Also, hugs.

Do you like going into situations with a plan?

mmm. i don’t think i plan so much as i attempt to see into the future and force my best outcome. i HATE going in blind—if i can a way around something, i will, but if i can’t it has to at least be a good and sensible attempt. most of the plans i usually put together have coping-mechanism, doodling while on a phone call energy: too granular to ever implement, just something to put order to the things you’re thinking.

This is still lots of Bird energy. Plans don't always look the same, you know? And some of us barely use 'em at all.

like, i do have all my degree requirements and preferred classes listed out, because that’s important and i should have that sorted out correctly before declaring my major. but the hour by hour daily schedule is more of a thing to make me feel in control and like i’ve put the work into considering it.

i’m also a stereotypical nerd: i have an english/history brain, i write a lot, i fall down personality inventory rabbit holes for fun, i pick up random things that end up relevant years later, nothing was as distressing as not being able to read for fun bc university was just Too Much—you know the drill.

I do, but not everyone is like this. You're probably a Bird, and I wonder if you're taking your secondary for granted because you feel like it's expected of you.

but for someone who plans as a coping mechanism, it’s also sometimes the best way to put me off. like i don’t know, being friends, which is the only thing in my life where traditional overthinking would RUIN it absolutely.

i know someone who semi-despairingly refers to herself as machiavellian because she interacts with people like it’s 4D chess.

Huh, so your friends don't talk about themselves very nicely either.

collects info, reshapes her entire personality into something designed to appeal to whoever she��s talking to. i tried not to get into motive bc socializing really is like That sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine pulling that off. i talk big game about acting a certain way, but only in ways that are already part of me yk? if i couldn’t believe i was being legit in some way i’m like 97% sure it would show through somehow and make it real weird.

You're still on Actor Bird. Your friend might have a Snake model? but you're an Actor Bird.

How do you feel about shortcuts?

work smart not hard, she says, working hard anyway bc she needs to see all the little things fall into place just to make sure that they do.

seriously though, that is for “important enough” things: i need to see it done to standard. i can rest only with a job well done kind of thing—due diligence so that any tomfoolery that goes down isn’t my fault and therefore no one can get mad at me.

This might be a Badger model, and I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you picked this up from your community because it's what they expect of you. You don't seem to take any joy in it, though; it seems like an anxious response.

also i have beef with the idea of being gullible, so i’m gonna see it with my OWN EYES. for less important things, it’s a heart says yes mind says no situation. i love the shortcut that saves time and effort but keeps the quality, which is plentiful when it’s like. pasta sauce, but not when it’s like. the Donner party heading to california. i would love to shorten that stuff, but the consequences of a poorly done shortcut are more painful than the slog.

Bird modeling Badger. Yep.

Do you feel the need to keep the peace?

(it didn’t come up on this run of the quiz but i’ve been mulling over for a while!)

Huh. This question doesn't always come up? I always get it. I have to assume it's the quiz checking for Badger.

i’ve got a fairly bad temper and a transparent face. so no—i’m not much for keeping the peace. i can do it properly if compelled, but it’s exhausting and irritating and only really makes me resentful of the emotional labour.

Whether you can keep the peace is kind of separate from whether you feel you should, but you also really dislike being in that role. You're modeling some Bookkeeper Badger, which doesn't actually make you happy, and you really don't seem to like using Courtier for anything.

does it bother me when people fight? yeah, like most people do when it’s a rift-causing argument in a group they care strongly about, but if i’m not more loyal to one side of the dispute i’m much more likely to take out all the parties and have done with it. i’ve been known to fight back or even start stuff if the cause is important enough, or i have spleen to vent, but i’m a very messy arguer so staying out of it and collecting receipts in the background is much more my style.

Wonder if you've got some Lion secondary hiding out in your Houses. You don't like going into things unprepared, but maybe there's a Lion model you could be nurturing that would make you happier than that Badger mess that's been pushed on you.

anyway. this was long. made me think harder about badger than i thought. lots of feelings, but def not as sad as the ones i typed up and deleted ages ago which i elect to count as progress. thanks for making it this far hahahah

Yay! Progress!

Yeah, I don't think you're a Badger. It really doesn't make you happy. You sound like a Bird to me: actor Bird, rapid fire Bird, but not Badger. Not Snake, either; if you're a rapid fire or actor Bird (or both) you might mis-Sort yourself into Snake, but I'm not getting that from you.

--Paint

[mysterylover123]

Top Ten MHA War Arc Moments (So Far)

Man guys, this arc has been insane. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever read an arc this busy, plot-heavy and batshit crazy in anything else in my entire life. So many crazy moments, and I’m gonna try and capture my Current Top 10 here today:

#10. TOGA VS OCHAKO

I was annoyed for a long time that Ochako’s screwup, her moment of hestiation at training camp, would never have any direct consequences - or at least not ones she’d ever hear about. Toga had only used her blood to help save Eri. But now she knows. Now she knows her power was used to kill - and she’s being invited to sympathize with the killer in a dramatic confrontation where villain asks a hero if they could see them as a person too. It’s a little lower here since there was the usual shipping nonsense to contend with first, but nonethelss.

#9. TEAM LEADER MOMOKAMIJIROU

More like two separate moments, namely Jirou encouraging Kaminari and Midnight electing Momo the new team leader, which she takes to with her usual grace and badassery. This trio just gets each other,  and while this moment (aside from Midnight’s incapacitation) may not be as shocking as the others on the list, it still ranks highly for me in my recollections of the arc, especially as all Class A and B unite. Speaking of....

#8. KIRISHIMA AND MINA VS GIGANTOMACHIA

Now that is how you do some setup and payoff. Years ago, it was Mina who bravely ran to face the villain and Kirishima who hesitated. This time, it’s Mina’s fear that stops her, and Kirishima’s willingness to jump into danger that saves the day. Of course, it didn’t do much in the end, but that payoff to the emotional relationship setup in previous chapters...it’s something this arc does really well in callbacks to Chapter 1. Maybe another one might pop up on this list.

#7. GRAN TORINO’S DEATH

The second death of an established major character in this arc, and it’s just as brutal and depressing as the first. Those Shimura flashbacks. Deku going batshit crazy on Shigaraki after this scene. The loss of one of the most likeable characters in the show. The actual death of a major, recurring heroic character in the narrative and the way that raises the stakes. Just...dammit. Why characters gotta die this way?

#6. MIRUKO LOSES AN ARM

Miruko’s en tire fight against the high-ends basically goes here; all of her head-severing efforts will never be forgotten,as this entire visceral, brutal and bloody battle between the #5 and the most OP villains seen so far will be etched into the collective fandom’s memory. And the outcome where she loses an arm...it’s not the highest ranked dismemberment on the list but hey, if Miruko can keep trucking with one arm there’s some hope Deku can too.

#5. ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL

It’s weird that what should feel like the most important plot thing in this arc (Final Villain vs  MC) is oddly only #5. But yeah, a battle in the center of Shigaraki and Deku’s minds as the two powers link and duke it out for the fate of the world, OFA Primo saving Midoriya from losing his power even if his arms are dead now - and Shigaraki rebelling against AFO, that was definitely cool and worth seeing. 

#4. TWICE’S DEATH & HAWKS’ MAIMING

FUCKING MURDERED TWICE. started the arc by FUCKING MURDERING TWICE. 

#3. AIZAWA DISMEMBERED

The other dismemberment on the list. The permanent incapacitation of one of THE main characters. It was brilliantly executed, shocking and visceral (and I missed it on my first readthrough like an idiot), and leaves the most troublingly OP character in the series permanently left on the sidelines at least a little. I mean, you wouldn’t think we’d find a Main Character having their limbs brutally dismembered shocking at this point but that’s how it is.

2. “MY BODY MOVED BEFORE I COULD THINK”

“HOW THE HELL IS THIS NOT #1?” you may be asking. Well before I explain let’s talk about this scene. Nobody can wreck me quite like these two. My two favorite characters, my favorite relationship in the whole show, a callback to the moment that started it all - the scene that hooked me into MHA and still remains just as powerful all these years later. Bakugou throwing himself into near death to save Izuku. I was in a state of shock for days after reading this chapter (hell, even before thanks to the leaks) and I still am not over it. When this scene hits the anime I will probably be completely destroyed.

So what on earth could possibly top THAT scene?! What could this arc have possibly pulled off that was even better than all these fated matchups, character deaths, character maimings, OTP dreams coming true and again, my favorite characters wrecking me for all time? Well, only one thing.

1. “COME DANCE WITH YOUR SON HERE IN HELL”

We all knew this was coming and it was still better than we could have ever imagined. Picture Hori watching all our frantic fan theories and maybe having this scene up his sleeve the whole time. This scene is basically IT; the fall of hero society, the final curtain, the biggest bombshell. Moreso than any scene of Shigaraki using his quirk, you can feel as this scene plays out the sheer sense of crumbling decay. Each panel, each inexorable shot that plays out this reveal and its execution, you feel the strokes in a master plan as the entire foundation of the series cracks and spools about your feet. This scene was such a big deal it apparently out-trended the US election the week it came out. For that alone - and everything else in this moment, 200+ chapters in the making - it deserves to be this arc’s #1. (unless something else is coming that can top it, holy crap).

[diningpageantry]

Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43151156

Chapter 3/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 1553

Chapter Summary: Baz takes Simon's shitpost text a step further, and the outcome ends up spreading a few rumors.

SIMON

bi-sammy: sammy would still fuck huxley if he looked like the fish from shape of water

I grin smugly at my screen, sitting in a dark room with nothing shining but my mobile. The shutters stay shut, and the light from the bottom of the doorway barely filters into the room. It’s just me, this scratchy blanket, and Baz, somewhere else in England on another screen. I absolutely adore that.

gaystrell: why would you say something so controversial yet so brave.jpg

Sometimes, I catch myself smiling. Other times, I elect to ignore how real it feels. It’s weird, given that it feels like I’m just chatting with someone who I see everyday. The casualness of this reminds me of texting Penny in the afternoon on a Thursday.

Except, given the current time, it could be interpreted as more intimate than that of a friend’s text.

8am on a Saturday is usually a time reserved for comfort. For staying warm with someone you care about. Instead, I’m just messaging Baz.

bi-sammy: because im right

bi-sammy: hear me out here ive got a brilliant idea

gaystrell: whoever taught you the definition of a brilliant idea was clearly misleading you

bi-sammy: dont be an arse until youve heard it

bi-sammy: wanker

gaystrell: you’re truly proving your point

bi-sammy: ANYWAY

bi-sammy: shape of water au

bi-sammy: thats all

gaystrell: i’m appalled.

gaystrell: hold on.

I don’t think much of it. Occasionally, he disappears for an hour to two. I don’t bother asking, assuming it’s none of my business, but I do tend to worry a bit. I hope he’s alright.

After clicking off my phone, my head settles against my pillow as my eyes fall shut.

There’s something about this. There’s something about him. It’s a bit hard to pinpoint what it is, but the overwhelming feeling of comfort I have in the notifications I get from him just answering my bullshit is incredibly welcomed. He’s semisweet. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier, but he’s a fantastically bitter person.

My head slowly turns over, eyes opening and straining in the darkness.

I hate my empty room.

I hate the absence of comfort--I hate the plainness of these walls.

I want to say I hate my foster dad, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to say that. Not because the system will take me again and throw me back (even though I could have left a year back, if I was still in it). Instead, I feel like I shouldn’t hate him. Theoretically, I should be thankful for what I have. I’m not in a boy’s home, and I haven’t been since I was 11, but the remnants remain. The fights don’t go away, and neither do the weeks of starvation.

Still, I sort of despise living here under Davy.

That’s what he makes me call him. His name. His nickname. Not dad; of course not dad. He’s had me in his care for roughly six years, but he’s still Davy to me.

Shitty fucking Davy, with his strict curfews and practically using me as a housemaid because he’s too cheap to care for himself.

Shitty fucking Davy, not letting me add anything to my room because the day I turn 18, I’m out of here until his next kid (and cheque, apparently) come in. Told me I’d wreck the walls and ruin his furniture if I did put anything on it, too.

So that’s what I’ve got. Blank walls, blank furniture, blank everything. It’s like a jail cell for a bedroom, and everything I’ve got to show for myself is in a backpack and two dresser drawers/

But, at least, I own my mobile.

Every summer job, mixed with odds and ends shit and whatever I can do for my bill. It’s all mine, and Davy can’t fucking touch it.

Maybe that’s why, when I feel it buzz against my chest, it makes me feel more alive. It’s a reminder of all that work just to be able to talk to someone freely.

Arguably, the best feeling in the goddamn world.

I grab it and flip it over. It’s just an email about uni.

Fuck.

I end up scrolling through tumblr for a little while, doing nothing but liking and reblogging a thing here or there. It takes a little while before a little drop down falls from the top of my screen.

gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r7Wkwj7MSFk0--DgquHGhYVBbqneEYq0J01t0uMRmxA/edit?usp=sharing

gaystrell: feel the need to apologize before you click the link, but then again, you asked for this hell

When I click on it, it pulls up a doc titled just “crackfic”, and I’m floored with the first sentence alone.

“Fuck my fish ass harder, daddy.”

My hand flies up, covering my mouth as I practically wheeze as quietly as possible. A few paragraphs in and I’m nearly crying into my palm, muffling my laughter as I read through pages upon pages of the most ridiculous fic I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.

I check the word count out of pure curiosity, and it somehow makes me laugh harder.

bi-sammy: holy fucking shit

bi-sammy: i swear to god if you don’t post that i will

gaystrell: already in the process of making the archive post

gaystrell: i seriously believe you underestimate my sincere ability to be the biggest dick on the street

bi-sammy: i dont know whether or not u meant that as ur literal dick or the big dick energy in making that a post but id probably agree with you in both

bi-sammy: tag me in the post pls i want to be the first to reblog it

gaystrell: you’re a ridiculous, sad, little man

gaystrell: of course i’ll tag you

Within minutes, it’s uploaded with the absolute worst slew of Archive tags attached to it, and as soon as he tags me in his post, I tap the notification.

Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams

Word Count: 3,192

Summary: Fish!Huxley and Sam get it on Shape of Water style

@bi-sammy this is your fault (you're welcome)

I immediately slam like and pull up reblog, rapidly typing out my response before posting.

absolute madman. cant believe youve done this. i trust you with my entire life.

As usual, he's quick to reblog back.

anything for the absolute pain in my life x

Smiling shamelessly, I ride on the moment's high as our conversation stays out in the world. I quite enjoy this version of his softness. The public, taunting replies to mine. In all this time of following him, I can't really recall him ever being this friendly with anyone but me.

Makes me feel special. Maybe too much so.

BAZ

The jarring shock of the seemingly endless notifications rattles me momentarily speechless.

It isn't even 15 minutes after I'd replied to Snow and there's already a few people reblogging it with comments about him and I. A quick “i ship y'all’ to “powermove of the century”. Each make me flush deeper as the replies flood in.

If I were to be practical, I'm aware that I shouldn't be so flustered over the concept of us being a couple. It's most likely my overactive, sad, lonely imagination, but the idea of being loved just makes me blush. Especially since it's someone who doesn't seem to absolutely loathe me.

gaystrell: are you reading these?

bi-sammy: the what?

bi-sammy: i have. nothing to read. i cant read.

gaystrell: use your two remaining brain cells look at the notes for the crackfic

bi-sammy: holy shit

bi-sammy: im cackling

A notification pops up, making me snort this time. I pull up the post and send it off to him without a second thought.

gaystrell: sent a post

gaystrell: “sounds like something huxley would do for sam”

bi-sammy: stop im gonna piss myself shits too fucking funny

I pull it back up, scrolling down to reblog and adding a quick reply that, in all honesty, I should have thought out more. Secretly, part of me is glad that I sent it.

huxley wishes he was this smooth ;)

Within seconds, replies flood in from everywhere. From jokes about Snow and I possibly dating to the concept of Huxley writing (purposefully) shitty homoerotica about himself as a fishman. I quite like the conversation about the latter, while the former makes my chest knot in ways inexplicable.

Going through the notes makes me smile, even if it's mildly embarrassing. The amount of times I've seen the eyes emoji used is definitely excessive, but still somewhat welcomed.

Even my archive has a few comments already, although more based around the fic itself. More ironically, though, is the one person who probably took it seriously and just commented, “Nice fic!” I love the abundance of shameless appreciation for obscure fanfiction in the depths of this community.

Snow's messages roll down my mobile screen as I'm checking the comments, continuously replacing the previous message for the top slot.

bi-sammy: mate

bi-sammy: i love you

bi-sammy: also every time you reblog something of mine i get like 5 followers

bi-sammy: if you mention me i get 10

bi-sammy: youre???????????? a god????????

bi-sammy: can i marry you????????????

I slowly close my laptop, eyes on my phone with an absolutely gleeful grin.

gaystrell: when and where?

[amisbro]

Vent time

Alright so I kind of went off about this on twitter but I’m going to do it here too because...I spent my supply of craps to give and to be honest I just need to get this out in the open because we might have people that don’t know some fun facts about ME in the UtaPri fandom Shall we? First off I started in the UtaPri fandom back in January of 2014 so for those of us that need to know that is right smack bang between S2 and 3.  It was around this time that I had done my research (and by that I mean “Read Wikipedia”) to kind of get some ideas on the characters.  Of the ones that might have stuck out it was members of QUARTET NIGHT and specifically Ai Mikaze that grabbed my interest at first.  BTW yes I am bolding relevant parts of this story because I feel some of us FORGET these things to spin narratives and I’m not about that so let’s continue. So during 2014 I watched S1 first from the DVD I bought off of Amazon and then Season 2 I watched on Crunchyroll.  One thing I remember is that before I watched that (using the old school “fan mail” system that @staff needs to give us back) I had been talking with someone about one of the members of QN and that was THIS GUY

(By the end of this post I might level of Boss Man) ANYWAYS I had been warned (Because I said Ren at the time was my least fave for being “playboyish”) that Myu would be worse...well for some jacked up reason He turned into my favorite character in QN (or at least 1a with Ai).  He still remained a favorite even after S3 and the reason...I can’t explain...it was one of those weird things that there was something about HIM that I liked but recently its been figured out that characters whom are “royals” or “meganes” (Hi @kaiser-author-san-iii) are faves of mine and Myu can fit into both categories Now...we need to get to the point of this cos I go around the block so many times its not funny During Season 2 we met “A Trio of Amateurs” whom are later called HEAVENS and I was like many people and wanted to see them get thrashed and they DID lose and we know their history.  I had watched that season (and season 1) twice because one was for this blog and the other was more for YT when I did Anime Reviews on there (And I might get back into that soon...stay tuned) and I remember that the first time I was happy that HEAVENS lost and the second time I think I was still “kind of” happy but I wished for somewhat of a different outcome...sadly there are no different endings in this Anime! Season 3 gets interesting because it was a season basically that was going to feature “MY BOYS” (Sorry Reiji K.) in QN so I could get a primer on them.  Now at some point (I forget when so don’t ask that) either during this season or after) I had seen post that had ALL OF THE ROUTES FOR ALL OF THE CHARACTERS...I read ONE OF THEM!  I wanna say it was...All-Star and Ai specifically but if you ask me to remember ANYTHING about it I don’t...memory is gone about it. The thing is as we know this was the season that people on here THOUGHT would be the end of UtaPri (despite in Episode 2 of said season one of the STARISH boys mentioned HEAVENS) so there was that.  This became a thing also when during an ask someone got someone mentioned there had been a visual for a 4th season.  Now this was confirmed somehow BEFORE THIS because someone on the wikipedia page stated that Seasons 3 and 4 would be in 2015 and 2016!  If you go look on my blog there is a post from 2014 I did where apparently someone mentioned this so...that was a thing! Season 3 ends with them getting ready to announce the winner of the Triple S election between STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT when who shows up?  HEAVENS AS A 7 MEMBER GROUP! Now here is where things get interesting for me in the fandom At this point I am not a BIG FAN of HEAVENS like I am now but I was definitely curious.  In my head I knew they couldn’t just have them show up for one episode and then be done...that didn’t make sense from a story perspective because even if they are “Antags” them losing in the first episode and then leaving doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense!  Maybe in SOMEONE ELSE’S weird “STARISH/QN-centered fanfic” but for the purposes of THIS STORY...nah fam! (BTW I say that and you can argue this whole series was going to be some weird STARISH fan fic with acid trips galore so...eh!) Now here is where the turbulence with me and the fandom really comes in For the course of Season 4 (when we realized it was STARISH/HEAVENS) there was a part of me that wanted to play neutral but there was a BIGGER part of me that wanted to root for HEAVENS and part of that is because all my life I had been an underdog...I’m 37 years old and have had so many health issues its not funny so I root for the underdogs that might have no prayer but I root for them because I WANT them to be happy and to see them get their happy ending.  Its boring rooting for the favorites you know? So during the season I would watch the episodes through a website that livestreamed Tokyo MX and I think I only missed two episodes on there...the first one and I forget the other one but I know there was one I had to watch subbed which I HATED!  The reason is because for me its better to try and learn a language through hearing it and not reading subtitles...why do you think I now own a copy of the KnB movie unsubbed! With the way Season 4 was going to me there were two possible endings 1.  STARISH wins (which they did) 2.  HEAVENS wins and something ELSE happens Lemme explain that bit So during the season it was the “Duet Project” and it was the first one that Raging was basically in charge of which was kind of cool because you go through three seasons of Shining and he grates on you something fierce.  Well during the season we learned that RAGING has a bit of a problem with putting his hands on people and that some of the members of HEAVENS aren’t exactly in the best of states mentally.  Poor Shion had a breakdown during “Visible ELF” (I capped that because I called it “Visible EVIL” when I saw it on Tokyo MX...OOPS) and then of course we found out that The Otori’s father is an abusive piece of crap that needed CPS on his backside!  Now that was a fun “3 weeks of hell” to relive because you see EVERYONE got mad at Eiichi for what happened to Otoya and I get it...I really do but what was angering me A LOT was that this was a very jacked up pattern where the rest of the fanbase was ignoring anything “bad” that happened to HEAVENS members just because they didn’t like them.  Okay factually if we took this to another series I couldn’t stand TRIGGER at the time (things are changing slowly) so when they lost or had bad things happened...yeah I was happy as a pig in slop.  The thing to remember though is that was me watching 1 season of i7 and now we have s2 coming at some point so HEY it might work out but the point is that is gonna take a little time...1 season with them vs. how long with HEAVENS?  Yeah you see how this goes right? When HEAVENS lost I was mad not so much because they lost (Okay I WAS mad that they lost but here is the reason) but because it felt like their story deserved a happy ending.  We learned that ,for HEAVENS, the time in Raging Entertainment was more like a prison than a workplace so I was hoping AT THE VERY LEAST to have an ending where HEAVENS lost the Triple S but at the same time he would lose HEAVENS because Shining heard about what happened with them at his hands and would reveal that he discussed with Eiichi that HEAVENS would leave that agency after the SSS and go work for him...and I STILL think it could happen but anyways So all of this happens and this is...3 years ago right If you want to call me a “HEAVENS fanboy” 3 years later fine and I’ll take it but here is the thing When you are a fan of a group now since...a little before Season 4 and you want to see them do well and the fandom as a whole be pissed off when HEAVENS don’t start getting the merch like STARISH or QN (even when you yourself are a QN fan) and that doesn’t happen with the excuse in 2019 that “We need more time” I’m sorry...that excuse doesn’t work with me!  You got HEAVEN SKY now and the Shuffle Dramas...get to listening and stop being a biased fanboy/girl of the main two and start pushing for HEAVENS a little more!  You will not make me change that statement either because here is the thing:  I know people have been bullied off of here or even had to change accounts on discord because of the acidity of the fandom at times. I will flat out tell you this too When I saw the trailer for the movie that dropped today that was cool (even if the HEAVENS entrance reminded me of “puppets on a string” more than “Angels”) but when I saw the visual my joy became ANGER because ,when they did it, they shoved HEAVENS all the way in the back but few people in the IN fandom got mad about that on twitter...now we know why because even though on twitter the HEAVENS rep is better than on here (by a lot too which is disgusting) there is still a very vast majority that are STARISH fans and I get it...I really do!  HEAVENS as a 7 person has only been around for 4 years and STARISH has been around longer but why in the holy hell don’t STARISH fans internationally start sticking up for HEAVENS fans and be also trying to understand why we love them?  I thought the UtaPri FANDOM was supposed to be a FAMILY but I swear talking to people sometimes I’d rather turn to my immediate left and talk to a wall because despite me explaining it once in a YT video I don’t think people get why I am so passionate about HEAVENS getting the support of the fandom.  I’m sorry for loving a group that it seems a lot of people just want to see go away but I’m NOT SORRY for running my mouth about this because let’s understand this I NEVER wanted to have arguments in the fandom but all I wanted people to do is FUCKING LISTEN!  GO LOOK AT THAT VISUAL AND TELL ME THAT HEAVENS DESERVES TO BE SHOVED IN THE BACK BECAUSE OF WHATEVER REASON YOU WANT TO GIVE! Anyways I’m done and good night

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

micah (Micah Cohen, managing editor): As far as we know, Republicans are pushing ahead with Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court — for the moment, anyway — amid accusations of sexual assault and misconduct from at least two women. Nate made a semi-compelling argument that that’s a bad move politically. The counter-argument was succinctly expressed by Washington Free Beacon editor-in-chief Matthew Continetti in an interview with Politico:

“A defeated Kavanaugh nomination would not only demoralize the conservative base, it could seriously jeopardize Trump’s relationship with the conservative legal movement, and that could be crippling for conservative influence in the Trump era.”

So, that’s our question for today: If President Trump withdrew Kavanaugh’s nomination, would that depress conservative turnout in the midterms? And somewhat relatedly, would it have a long-term effect on “Trump’s relationship with the conservative legal movement”?

Give me your topline views, and then we can get into it.

Also, welcome, politics editor Sarah Frostenson, to your first politics chat!!!

sarahf (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): Hello, hello!

natesilver (Nate Silver, editor in chief): My topline view is that:

It might be partially true, but probably also exaggerated by commentators who are extrapolating their own personal investment in seeing Kavanaugh confirmed to feelings among “the voters” or “the base.”

Even if it’s partly true, the alternatives for the GOP could be a lot worse.

The base might be despondent initially, but there’d be an opportunity to rectify that if Trump successfully rolled out another conservative candidate.

micah: Having a topline view with three parts is very on-brand.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): Trump has appointed a huge number of conservative judges to the federal courts, most notably Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. The conservative legal movement will be fine with him as long as he keeps doing that, so replacing Kavanaugh with another conservative would do the trick. And I think there is very limited evidence that conservative voters, as opposed to conservative activists, are motivated by Supreme Court nominations.

sarahf: Damn, I think Perry took some of my topline views.

I would add, though, that given the partisan divide on issues of sexual misconduct, Kavanaugh withdrawing or President Trump asking for him to withdraw (which I think is unlikely) could backfire among the base.

perry: So you think Republican voters will be turned off because they think Trump would be bowing to liberal views on sexual harassment/misconduct/assault.

micah: Yeah, and maybe that plays more of a role in how the GOP base reacts than their views on the Supreme Court.

sarahf: Yes, I think that could happen. They might see him as weak, giving into liberals, etc.

micah: OK, so let’s take each of those one by one …

First, the idea that Republican/conservative voters really care about the Supreme Court — more so than Democratic voters — does have some evidence to back it up, right?

perry: So the exit polls from 2016 would seem to say that. Among voters who said Supreme Court appointments were the most important factor in their vote — about one-fifth of all voters — Trump beat Hillary Clinton 56 percent to 41 percent. Among the 14 percent who said such appointments were “not a factor at all,” Clinton won 55-37.

Still, I think this is a bit of a misnomer. How much did Clinton talk about the Supreme Court? How much did liberal activists prioritize the court during the campaign? I don’t have a study on this, but my guess is less than Republicans. Remember, Trump felt compelled to put out a list of his likely Supreme Court nominees before he was elected. The court is a core part of the GOP’s campaign message.

Also, it’s a lot easier to say, “I’m deciding who to vote for because of the Supreme Court or abortion,” rather than, “because I have negative attitudes about blacks and Latinos,” which we know motivates a lot of conservative voting.

natesilver: The other issue with that exit poll result is that when you ask voters to volunteer a list of which issues are most important to them, the Supreme Court barely registers.

So, sure, when you remind people about the Supreme Court, many of them say it’s important. And Republicans are a bit more inclined to say so than Democrats, which isn’t meaningless. But it isn’t generally a top-of-mind issue.

perry: It is true, though, that if you wanted to accurately describe Trump’s base or the Republican base, white evangelicals would be a big part of the description. But I don’t know if it follows that therefore because white evangelicals are the base, abortion/LGBT issues motivate them, as opposed to taxes, immigration, health care, etc.

natesilver: Or just overall tribal behavior. They’ve clearly forgiven a lot of Trump’s sins because he’s on their “team.”

micah: Let’s posit for the moment that the prioritization of the Supreme Court among rank-and-file GOP voters is overblown — isn’t it still a priority among GOP activists, Sarah? And doesn’t Trump have to worry about that?

Like, I’m not sure if there’s data to back this up, but I feel pretty confident in saying that Republican activists are more engaged on the courts than Democratic activists.

sarahf: He does, but I would counter that he’s already done quite a bit to remake the federal judiciary. The Supreme Court gets all the attention, but if we look at the lower federal courts, we can see that 26 of Trump’s federal appeals court picks have been confirmed (more than any other recent president at this point in their first term).

micah: Yeah, so it’s unlikely they would abandon him over this?

sarahf: Plus, there’s 142 vacancies to fill across the federal judiciary. More than 100 in U.S. District Courts alone!

perry: Micah, it’s a common view that conservative activists care more about the courts than liberal activists, in part because the Federalist Society has an outsized role on the right, and I don’t think the American Constitution Society (the liberal equivalent) has that same role on the left. But the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, for example, is pretty focused on judges and the law, and it is longstanding and influential.

I would say, though, that Trump has been more invested in appointing judges in his first two years in office than Barack Obama was.

I think we can say that confidently.

sarahf: And to Perry’s point, I think this registers with his evangelical base.

natesilver: We’re also having this fight over Kavanaugh against a backdrop where we’re in the midst of what looks like it’s going to be a blue midterm, maybe even a wave year for Democrats. And that tends to color voters’ impressions of everything.

Because the public is skeptical of Trump and the GOP overall, everything they do is going to be taken in a more skeptical light.

So some fights that might be winnable in, say, 2014 might have a lot more downside for Republicans this year.

micah: OK, but Nate, how do you square the exit poll results showing people who cared about the Supreme Court most overwhelmingly backed Trump with the open-ended Gallup question finding hardly anyone thinks of it off the top of their head?

natesilver: If you ask someone about something, of course they’re gonna be more cognizant of it.

It’s kind of like if I ask you, “How important is personal fitness to you?” Most people are going to say it’s “somewhat” or “very” important. But a lot of those “somewhat important” people probably aren’t going to the gym, aren’t really watching their diet, etc.

micah: It’s very important to me!

I play basketball every day!

Oh, you meant in general.

natesilver: I’m not making an accusation about you personally, Micah, but nice #humblebrag.

micah: lol

sarahf: That’s fair criticism, but we are talking about a conservative majority on the highest court in the land. It could be that it really does matter to Republican voters more this time around.

natesilver: But, Sarah, if they don’t get Kavanaugh, they probably get … someone equally conservative. Or maybe more conservative.

Unless they screw it up by spending several weeks fighting this possibly very stupid fight, to the point where they jeopardize the timing of his replacement.

sarahf: Right, and the bench they have to pull from isn’t weak; this is from July:

Yeah, it’s 41 days until the midterms? Democracy moves slow. I think the reluctance of the GOP to move on from Kavanaugh is tied to that.

perry: There is a core of Republican voters who care deeply about, say, limiting abortion and were not happy with the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling. I just think people who volunteer for campaigns and knock on doors are pretty politically active and will not make the weird decision of not voting Republican simply because Trump, who has executed lots of GOP policies, isn’t able to get Kavanaugh through. They might be annoyed. But the idea that they will not vote at all seems far-fetched. The people I would worry about if I were Trump or Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell are voters who backed Trump in 2016 but often stay home at midterms and might do so again. I doubt that group is following every development in this story.

natesilver: Plus, there’s the chance that Trump doesn’t abide by the script and nominates Thomas Hardiman, who’s more moderate than some of the other names on the short list, or something. But, again, this isn’t about finding a good outcome for the GOP; it’s about cutting their losses.

micah: OK, so let’s talk about Sarah’s point that this could be viewed by GOP voters as Trump caving on a cultural issue more than about the court in particular.

There’s definitely evidence that cultural issues have a lot of sway with voters, no?

natesilver: I’m not sure what you mean by “cultural issues” — but, sure, in some sense cultural issues (especially if we recognize the very, very strong overlap between “culture” and race) is the whole reason Trump was elected.

perry: I’m not sure. But if I were Sens. Ted Cruz or Dean Heller, I would not equivocate on this issue and suggest that I believe Christine Blasey Ford (the woman who says Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her when they were both in high school). Just in terms of politics, I do think the GOP base expects Republican politicians to view sexual misconduct claims skeptically, particularly those made against Republican men.

sarahf: Perry wrote this piece earlier in the week: Republicans largely don’t believe Ford’s accusations are credible.

natesilver: At the same time, #MeToo has also been challenging to a lot of male elites. They clearly care about it a lot. And, again, there’s probably a lot of transference wherein they assign their own feelings to those of the amorphous base.

micah: How does Trump figure into all this?

natesilver: I think the best thing Trump could do for the GOP is to stay the hell out of it.

He’s absolutely the last person you want talking about the credibility of women accusers.

But, yeah, if he invests himself too much in the story, it becomes more painful for Republicans to fail to confirm Kavanaugh.

perry: He was literally criticizing one of the accusers while this chat was happening.

natesilver: I know. And if McConnell is sort of play-acting and ultimately would be just as happy to replace Kavanaugh with someone else, Trump is a big wild card there.

micah: Nate, you and Trump and McConnell are not on the same page.

natesilver: I’m not sure that “Cocaine Mitch” and I aren’t on the same page.

micah: We argued about this on the FiveThirtyEight Politics podcast, but I don’t see how you square Mitch’s actions so far with a strategy of ditching Kavanaugh?

natesilver: There’s a good chance he’s trying to save face.

He may also be trying to expedite the process so that Kavanaugh gets voted up or down (or has to be withdrawn) within a week instead of after several weeks.

I put a lot of emphasis on the fact that McConnell reportedly didn’t want Kavanaugh to be chosen originally.

I give him some credit for just being a good overall strategist who sees a couple of moves ahead.

perry: I understand Nate’s argument, but I found McConnell’s remarks on Friday (in a speech with conservative activists, he pledged that Republicans would “plow right through” the opposition to Kavanaugh and get him confirmed) to be somewhat in tension with that. But maybe the remarks were part of the strategy.

He does think ahead. I agree.

natesilver: Yeah, I will say — I was more convinced of the McConnell-is-bluffing theory before the story got so much more involved with the new accusers and Trump tweeting and everything else.

Maybe now McConnell has to commit to the bit.

sarahf: I dunno. I think that at this point, McConnell is busy on doing what he has to do to get Kavanaugh nominated. He might have had reservations about him initially, but I think all signs point to him pushing this through. This was written before news of other allegations broke, but I haven’t seen any reporting that makes me think this isn’t still the case.

micah: +1

OK, to wrap up: If the consensus here is that the danger to Republicans in the midterms of pulling Kavanaugh is overblown, is the same true of the danger of pushing him through?

In other words, would voters who are currently GOP-leaning or at least open to voting for a Republican candidate react negatively to Kavanaugh getting confirmed? (Obviously Democrats would.)

natesilver: I’m not sure you necessarily encounter a point of diminishing returns. If, I don’t know, 60 percent of women are slated to vote Democratic for Congress, there’s still 40 percent of women who aren’t yet planning to do so.

It’s also always probably true that pundits (and data journalists?) overrate the long-term electoral importance of whatever the story of the day is. Although we’re close enough to Nov. 6 that this may be fairly fresh in voters’ minds.

perry: It is hard for me to see a bad political outcome here for Democrats. Their base is angry about this issue and will likely be more so if Kavanaugh is confirmed. Democratic senators who are up for re-election this year in red states — Joe Donnelly, Joe Manchin and Heidi Heitkamp, for example — know their states better than I do, but it’s difficult for me to see a “no” vote on Kavanaugh hurting them. Cruz has to vote “yes,” as does Heller, but I don’t think they will be eager to defend that vote.

sarahf: The question of undecided voters is an important one. And on the subject of Kavanuagh, more than a quarter of voters say they don’t know enough to have an opinion, according to a Wall Street Journal/NBC News conducted last week. But the latest polls definitely aren’t good news for Kavanaugh (and this was before the New Yorker story). That WSJ/NBC poll found that 38 percent of registered voters oppose the Kavanaugh nomination, up from 29 percent in August. Below is a table from an article we did on Kavanaugh’s declining popularity (including the shift in the WSJ/NBC poll):

Early signs that Kavanaugh’s popularity has dipped

Polls of Brett Kavanaugh’s approval conducted before and after Sept. 16, when The Washington Post published Christine Blasey Ford’s allegations of sexual assault

Net Support Pollster Before AFter Change NBC/WSJ +4 -4 -8 Morning Consult +5 +1 -4 HuffPost/YouGov -6 -4 +2 Ipsos -3 -9 -6

micah: Yeah, the Journal article on the poll said “college-educated women are particularly sour on Mr. Kavanaugh: 49% of them oppose his nomination, while 28% support it.”

natesilver: There’s a decent argument that even though Kavanaugh might be unpopular, he isn’t any more unpopular than Trump or, say, the GOP’s health care bill.

At the same time, there’s this:

You've watched us produce a string of pretty good results for the Democrats over the last week. It's only two polls being released today, but it may be that other polls in the field over the same period might be finding a similar lurch to the left

— Nate Cohn (@Nate_Cohn) September 25, 2018

Lot of particularly bad polls for the GOP this week, especially in upscale suburban-type places.

sarahf: But Gallup found that the Republican Party’s favorability rating among Americans is the highest it’s been in more than seven years?

The difference between the Democrats and Republicans is 1 point, but still!

micah: That was weird.

perry: That was interesting

natesilver: Yeah, I’m not sure what to make of that.

micah: On that note! Final thoughts?

natesilver: I get that there are a lot of Republican elites who would love to see Kavanaugh confirmed and who don’t want to back down from a fight. I think they ought to think about whether this is really the hill they want to die on.

perry: Always be skeptical of claims that are along the lines of party X will face a huge electoral backlash unless they follow my policy position Y. You will see a lot of conservative pundits who are very invested in legal issues say that rank-and-file voters are following this stuff closely and will stay home unless Kavanaugh is on the court next month. I doubt that voters are really thinking this way. (Dem strategists do it too.)

sarahf: My main final thought: I look forward to moderating these chats (rather than having to answer questions).

But in terms of the real question at hand, I think conservatives think they have more to lose (a conservative majority on the Supreme Court) from abandoning Kavanaugh’s nomination than from ramming him through.

Plus, I think there’s enough evidence to show that the Republican Party doesn’t really see the allegations against Kavanaugh as a problem, which is reflected in how party leaders have chosen to combatively press onward.

micah: FIN

[theliterateape]

The Pigeon Was Named Falcor

by Don Hall

The romantic version of the grifter is that of Patricia Highsmith’s Tom Ripley — cool, collected, methodical. Less romantic is the image of the Welfare Mom, grifting social services with kids she couldn’t pay for anyway. If the true grifter is a compound of the majority, an averaging of the totality of those creating believable fictions to take things for themselves, he looks a lot like Leon.

Over the radio, just as I’m finishing reconciling the $89,000.00 that replenishes one of the casino’s ATM kiosks, a security officer calls me to the east parking lot. “We have a guest who has fallen down.”

We have guests who fall down frequently. Most are like Mike, an older gambler who, after sitting at the bar playing video Blackjack and drinking bourbon shots and Bud Light for five hours, stumbles to the ATM and collapses a few feet from the bar. Once a woman tripped on the curb and came up with a huge knot just above her right eye and then proceeded to milk the place for everything from free food to free drinks to a four and a half hour (failed) attempt to get a free hotel room.

There was the hotel guest who kept “falling down” in his room in an effort to get upgraded to a better room for free until I walked to his room, inspected it, and explained that if he kept falling down in the room, he’d find falling down at the Motel 6 more accommodating.

Leon, on the other hand, was something different.

I walked outside and there he was sprawled out on the sidewalk. He was a white guy, maybe 30 years old, with tattoos creeping up his neck and onto his face. He was wearing a beaten up ball cap, an expensive black face mask under his nose, and his jeans were slid down his ass exposing his Hanes boxer briefs. Leon was on his side, moaning and mumbling that he was shot.

Next to him was a woman who had seen more than her fair share of desert life in Vegas. Her face was leathery, she was missing a front tooth, and her hair was a wirey mass just floating above her thoroughly lined forehead.

“Donchu die on me! Yer strong! If you die I’ll kill you!” she barked and then laughed at her own joke with a whiskey-soaked cackle that evoked the opening scenes of Shakespeare’s MacBeth.

The security officer, Scott, was asking him then her if he had ID. None. “It was stole like fucking everything they take from the homeless,” she rattled. Scott asked how she knew him. Turned out she met him in the casino, bought him some drinks but never caught his name.

“My name is Leon! I’ve been shot!” Leon stirred enough to declare this bit of intel before going back into his semi-comatose state on the pavement.

Scott noticed Leon’s right hand was tucked into his shirt, a dirty denim-ish thing with a frayed collar over a grimy tee-shirt. He became uncomfortable. Ever since the pandemic hit, plenty of reckless assholes have travelled to Vegas from California sporting illegally obtained pistols and have commenced to shooting the place up.

“I need you to remove your hand from your shirt, please. Slowly.” Scott’s right hand was gently resting on his own pistol as Leon slowly pulled out...a pigeon. 

It looked taxidermized and Leon gently placed it next to a bush on a raised area just to his left. I looked at the bird. It seemed to be inert. It was weird but no weirder than anything else I’d seen in this parking lot. Scott continued to question Leon, the Barfly continued to pretend that she knew him longer than an hour, and I kept looking at the fucking bird.

Despite the lack of a bullet wound or blood or even the extreme pain one would be in should he be shot, the 911 call indicated a possible gunshot wound so the entourage arriving included a fire truck, an EMT vehicle, and four Las Vegas police SUVs. It was as if Leon was an elected official with all the attendant institutional concern accompanying his safety.

As the firemen were looking into Leon, Scott nudged me in a conspiratorial way. “The bird is alive!” he whispered. I looked again, closely. Sure enough, this traumatized pigeon was breathing shallow bird breaths but still hadn’t moved so much as a millimeter from where Leon placed him. Now things were creeping right up there on the “What the Fuck?” Scale.

As soon as the cops showed, the Barfly split up Tropicana on her way to “I Don’t Need This Shit” and the EMTs gingerly asked him where he was in pain. They asked if they could turn him over but he didn’t want to. “I’m shot! My leg’s broke! Take me to the hospital!”

“Wait a minute,” intoned one of the firemen. “Weren’t you in the Burger King parking lot last night?”

“No. Not me.”

“Listen. We’re here to help you but you need to be straight with me. Was that you last night?”

Leon slowly turned face up and growled. “I told you I was suicidal and you wouldn’t take me to the hospital!”

“Are you still suicidal?”

“No. I’m shot!”

“You are definitely not shot.”

“You gonna take me to the hospital? I think I got COVID or something.”

The collective moment of “Aha!” spread across the faces of men and women employed to keep the peace, to enforce laws, and deal with people calling 911 because their cable isn’t working. 

In 1904, O. Henry published a short story entitled “The Cop and The Anthem” about a grifter named Soapy who, in order to get to sleep in a warm bed in a jail cell, swindles a restaurant into serving him an expensive meal, vandalizing the plate-glass window of a luxury shop, repeating his eatery exploit at a humble diner, sexually harassing a young woman, pretending to be publicly intoxicated, and stealing another man's umbrella. None of his games result in the desired outcome, so he gives up the quest.

He is then arrested for loitering and gets a three-month stay in Blackwell Island. Three hots and a cot, rent free.

Leon is just another version of Soapy, seeking a night in a bed and some free food at the expense of the state. I’m certain none of the attending service professionals, mulling around Leon as he stood up, his leg miraculously unshot and unbroken, have read the story but I’m likewise certain they’d each recognize the truth in the fiction.

As the EMTs strap him into the gurney, one cop pops off “Leon. You forgetting your pigeon?”

“He’s a falcon. His name is Falcor. He’ll wait for me.”

True to his word, Falcor perched there unmoving after the EMTs took Leon to his faux hotel for the night. Some four hours later, I took a snapshot of the bird and the graveyard manager confirmed it was there until early the next morning.

The next afternoon for some inexplicable reason, I checked to see if the pigeon was still waiting or dead.

Falcor, like the Barfly and Leon, was gone.

[yesanotherimaneblog]

Evil lives on

Summary: Peter Pans daughter has lived in Auradon her whole life. Now she meets new kids. A ‘It’s Goin’ Down’ prequel

A/N: I hope you guys like it! It’s in OUaT version because more people voted for that (it actually won by one vote). I tried to include everything that happened in the movie so it’s kinds long but I hope you like it. Let me know what you think! <3 

Once upon

a time, long, long ago...

well, more like 20 years ago...

Belle married her beast

in front of 6,000

of their closest

personal friends.

Yeah, so instead of a honeymoon,

beast united all of the kingdoms

and got himself elected king of

the United States of Auradon.

He rounded up all the

villains and sidekicks...

basically all the really

interesting people...

and he booted them off

to the isle of the lost

with a magical barrier

to keep them there.

Except for one…

Neverlands magic protected it from the magic the fairies used and so Peter Pan couldn’t be ‘locked up’ with the rest of the villains. But it couldn’t help stop Peter Pan from aging anymore and so here you were, the daughter of the only villain in Auradon and sister to the king. Your brother Rumple (also known as the Beast) tried to keep you as far from your father as possible, but with a kingdom to run and a son to take care of he didn’t succeed much. Not that you helped, you were your fathers’ daughter after all, causing trouble everywhere you went and if it wasn’t for your nephew Ben most of the other kids would have never allowed you to be near them.

When Ben made his royal proclamation, you were torn! Finally you would meet other villain kids like you, you knew you’d either get along better with them than you did with some of the kids in Auradon or you’d hate them. So here you were standing at Bens right side while Audrey was at his left. You smiled at them waiting for Ben to introduce everyone but Audrey interrupted him which caused you to roll your eyes. You watched as she interacted with the girl you assumed was Evie but you decided to step in.

“Audrey that’s like saying Snow White doesn’t have a royal status.” You defended the girl.

Audrey looked at you with disdain as always. “What?” She asked quietly.

“The Evil Queen is a Queen because she married Snow Whites dad, dismissing her royal status means dismissing Snow Whites as well. The Evil Queen is a Queen dowager but still a Queen.” You explained, as Audrey looked at you shocked. You smirked, turning to the villain kids. “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m Peter Pans daughter,’ you saw their expressions chang, “this is Audrey, Auroras daughter and my nephew Ben. Welcome to Auradon!”

“Princess Audrey!” Audrey stepped in her fake excitement making you roll your eyes again. “His girlfriend, right Bennyboo?” She asked turning to Ben and it took all your will power not to gag.

You stepped back as Fairy Godmother talked to them, inspecting them. You could tell that Mal was their leader, but they all seemed pretty cool. You continued to walk with the group until you were inside, making your way to your best friend Doug, who was coming down with the schedules.

Ben stepped closer to Doug putting an arm around him. “This is Doug, he and Y/N are gonna help you with the class schedules and show you the rest of the dorms. I’ll see you later, okay? And if there’s anything you need feel free to—”

“Ask Doug and Y/N” Audrey cut in, causing you to roll your eyes again. You swore that girl would make you go blind one day. Her and Mal faked laughed before Audrey drugged Ben away leaving you and Doug alone.

Doug introduced himself but you saw how he got distracted by Evie so you stepped in ones again. “So about your classes, we put in the requirements already-” Mal came to stand behind you “history of woodsmen and pirates, safety rules for the internet and remedial goodness 101.”

Mal scoffed, “Let me guess. New class?”

“No actually. I was required to take it too.” You replied with a smirk. “Just a tip, pick the answer that sounds the most boring.” You whispered to Mal.

She smiled at you and turned to the rest. “Come on guys, let’s go find our dorms.”

That night you were in the gardens practicing when you saw Mal, Evie, Jay and Carlos sneak out. Intrigued you decided to follow them, you didn’t expect they would go straight for the Wand. You suspected they had some sort of plan to free their parents, your father had taught you to expect everything from other villains but for them to go straight for it was quite bold. You returned to your personal dorm lost in thought. Should you help them? Should you stop them? Should you tell someone? Thoughts run through your head and you tried to imagine what would happen in each scenario. You weren’t going to say anything to anyone for sure, not even Ben or your father. You couldn’t see a way of stopping them so helping them it was, but helping them do what? You could see 3 possible outcomes, one was for you to help them with whatever plan they and their parents had which would most likely be world domination by the villains, the other was helping them but getting the wand for you father to do as he pleased. And last but not least, you could take the wand for yourself and do whatever you wanted. It would not be an easy decision. You loved and hated Auradon at the same time, it had been your home and Ben was more like a brother to you than a nephew, but you hated how people looked at you, you hated how some of the parents hadn’t wanted you to go to school with their kids and how those kids stayed away from you even when you were trying to be nice. Sure you weren’t the most well behaved girl in the land but your pranks were always harmless. Could you start hurting them now?

The next time you saw the VKs you were coming back from the field with Ben, Audrey glued to his side and Chad glued to hers, as always. You shook your head as Chad complained, “You’re just saying that because Jay is better than you at Tourney.” You snickered, turning away from them to follow Evie, who’d just left Mal. You greeted the purpled haired girl as you passed by. Speeding up a little you finally caught up to Evie, linking your arms.

“You’re going to Chemistry, right?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah!” She smiled, “I really like your outfit by the way!”

You looked down at your clothes. You were wearing a grey tank top with dark grey skinny jeans and brown riding boots, but the focus on your outfit was your green leather jacket, you always wore something green, a weird way to honor your father. Your style was simple and casual yet so different from the other girls in Auradon who all wore pastel colors. You smiled at Evie, remembering what you wanted to talk to her about. “Thank you! Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. A little birdy told me that you are a fashion expert on the island,” she blushed slightly, “Ben’s coronation is coming up and I need a dress, I was hoping you could help? The royal dressmaker keeps trying to make my dress blue even after the countless times I told her I want it green. I’m sure you’ll do an amazing job and of course I’ll pay you!” It wasn’t the best excuse to get close to them but you knew it would work.

Her face lit up and she nodded. “Of course!”

You smiled at her, “great! I’ll swing by your dorm later so we can start talking.” The two of you had reached the classroom and you led her to the sit next to Doug before sitting down yourself.

“Hello nephew!” You beamed at Ben as you fell into step with him.

He groaned but smiled at you. “I’m older than you.”

You laughed at his response. “You say that every time, doesn’t change the fact that you’re my nephew! Whatcha doin’?”

He rolled his eyes but was quick to respond. “Just going to see if Mal and the rest need anything.”

You stopped walking and smirked, this was perfect. “I’ll leave you to it!” You fake curtsey and turned to leave, his laugh following you down the hall. You were lucky Ben was used to your cryptic behavior or he wouldn’t have let you go. Once you were outside you took off your necklace, sprinkling some of the pixie dust hidden inside it on you.

This is so creepy. You thought floating outside of Mal and Evies room, eavesdropping on their conversation. You heard the door close and Mals voice saying “I think it’s time Bennyboo got himself a new girlfriend. And I need a love spell.”

You suppressed a laugh and landed gracefully. This was definitely too perfect!

“So, you spelled my nephew.” You called, coming out of your hiding spot. Mal jumped in surprise turning to you.

“I’m- I can explain myself.” She panicked, looking around to make sure you were alone. You’d followed her after Ben had made a fool of himself in front of the whole school, ready to confront her.

You waived her off. “Don’t bother. I know everything, pretty bold move you made going after the wand on your first night here, I’m impressed! So impressed I actually want in”

She looked confused, “Why should we trust you.”

“You forget who my father is.” You simply replied.

“I remember who your brother is.” She retorted.

You sighed looking away, you knew this would be a problem. “Look I…like my brother but he’s an idiot. He gave up being ‘the dark one’ for love, true love is great and all but come on, he gave up all that magic and power and for what?” She still looked reluctant so you continued. “Look if we get the wand, we break the barrier and leave the rest to our parents, it’s a win for both of us.”

“I know what my mom and I will do, what will your dad do? What will you do?” She asked.

“Dad will probably restore Neverlands magic, go back to being young forever, and, as for me” you smirked “well the world will need another ‘dark one’.” You lied with ease. That was the plan if you failed to get the wand for yourself, but she didn’t need to know that.

Mal finally smiled. “You’re in.”

After a few days you all gathered in the boys’ room, no one seemed surprised you were there so you assumed Mal had filled them in on your conversation. Going over the plan you all understood what you had to do. “I’ll get the pixie dust, we’ll fly out to the limo in no time.” They all nodded. You noticed they all seemed reluctant to carry on with the plan and you could see why. They had all found something in Auradon they didn’t have before, you understood that. Your dad wasn’t the best, still obsessed with staying young, trying to find new ways to do so. Your brother didn’t really care about you, still bitter Pan had abandoned him. If it wasn’t for Ben your life would have been very different.

After everything was said and done you waited for Mal outside. You gave her a sad smile. “I’ll take care of him…after, you know that right?” She nodded, turning away and leaving for the kitchen.

You were standing under a tree fiddling with the green dress you were required to wear when Peter Pan approached you. “I know that look! You’re planning something!” was the first thing he said.

You scoffed rolling your eyes at him. “Hello to you too father. Yes, I’m good! No, I can’t believe it’s been 3 months either, yes, I haven’t grown at all. School is going great thanks for asking. What about you? How is Neverland?”

He mimicked your reaction, smirking a little at the similarities. “You know I don’t like it when you call me father. And you’re changing the subject. Four villain kids are in Auradon and they’re definitely planning something.”

You looked to were Ben was introducing Mal to Belle and Rumple, smirking at their reactions. “They’re playing the long game. Maleficents’ daughter is now Bens girlfriend, she’s basically convinced him she’s his true love. She’s gonna convince him to bring down the barrier.” You lied easily.

Your fath-Peter looked confused for a moment. “What do we get from that?”

You looked at him again. “Once the villains are free there will be chaos, we get the Wand and restore Neverlands magic. Rumple won’t be a problem and Ben-“

“I’ll deal with Ben.” He cut you off. You narrowed your eyes, not sure what that meant. You vaguely remembered seeing a picture of Ben in your dads old stuff.

You sighed pushing yourself from the tree. “Bye dad!” You said walking away from him, smiling innocently. You searched for the VKs and found them basically being yelled at by Chad, as Audrey and her grandmother stood behind him. Once you got closer, Chad turned to you. “And you,” he pointed “you’ve been ruining our lives since the day you were born, running around playing pranks on us. Your father was harmless after growing up, but you, we should have put you in the Isle.”

You stood frozen, not registering what was happening around you until Carlos pulled you with them.  Next thing you knew you were sitting next to Mal at one of the picnic tables as you heard Jane and Audrey behind you.

“How long do they think that’s gonna last? Mal is just the bad girl infatuation, and he has to tolerate Y/N because she’s his aunt.” Audrey said, running a hand over your shoulder.

“Yeah, I mean, he’s never gonna make a villain a queen.” Jane continued, leaning closer to Mal.

As Mal began to break the spell for Janes hair, you disappeared from your sit and appeared in front of Audrey. Everyone screamed both at Janes hair and at the sight of you teleporting, no one knew you had magic as it was never as strong as it was in Neverland, but you had been practicing and you were so angry in that moment you felt it coursing through your veins.

“There’s a lot more where that came from.” Mal said.

Audrey looked at you and Mal, fear in her eyes but she was trying to be brave. “Excuse me who do you think you are?”

You smirked, raising your eyebrows. “Do we look like we’re kidding? You should know better Audrey!”

You heard Mal starting to go through the spell book threateningly and everyone started running. Turning around you smiled. “I’m really looking forward to tomorrow!”

Mal smiled back at you. “Let’s grab that wand and blow this popsicle stand.”

When Coronation came the next day, you were nervous once again. After everything that had happened the day before, you had time to relax and think everything through. You were still hurt by what Chad had said but you didn’t want to be the cause of his suffering either. You had to make sure Mal wouldn’t get the wand.

As a family member, you stood next to Mal at the front row, unlike your father who was seated in one of the balconies as far away from the wand as possible. You saw him staring at you but tried to ignore it. When Fairy Godmother took out the wand you looked at Mal, she looked hesitant so you took her hand, giving it a light squeeze. You both watched as Ben swore rule justly and Fairy Godmother begin to bless him when Jane of all people grabbed the wand and started to swing it aimlessly. Ben was quick to run to you and Mal trying to protect you but Mal run and grabbed the wand from Jane. Everyone gasped and Ben stepped forward but you stood between them facing Ben.

“Mal, give me the wand.” He pleaded.

“Stand back.” Was all Mal said.

Evie, Carlos and Jay burst through the doors, running to you standing behind Mal. You turned to look at your father as Ben tried to reason with them, he was smiling motioning for you to grab the wand. You turned to Mal who seemed like she was going to cry, “We have no choice, Ben. Our parents-“

“Our parents made their choice. Now it’s time to make ours.” You cut her off “I know what I said Mal but, I don’t want to be my dad, I want to be good. I know we can be good!”

“You are good!” Ben stepped in.

“How do you know that?” Mal shouted.

“Because I’m listening to my heart.” He shouted back.

As Mal turned to talk to the rest you stepped closer to Ben hugging him, letting him go only when you heard Mal say how happy he makes her but he still had one arm wrapped around you. “Your parents can’t reach you here.” You reassured Carlos, looking up to your own father.

You all hugged smiling when you heard an explosion as Maleficent appeared out of green smoke. Ben run to protect his mother but you stood with the others. When Maleficent froze everyone you were surprised the spell hadn’t worked on you but you stood your ground, and when Mal took the wand from her mother you smiled. The minutes that followed were a blur, as Jay tried to grab the scepter but Maleficent started chasing him. You threw him your necklace, glad you had thought to tell them about it, and he opened it starting to float in the air landing behind you. Mal stood in front of you all protecting you from her mother.

After it was all over and everyone was unfrozen your father came to you. “I’m disappointed, you gave up all that power. All that magic and for what? You’re just like your brother.”

“No father, I’m who you could have been if you had chosen good.” You said, turning around and going to hug your friends, ready to party.

[fourteenacross]

year in review

Time for the year in review! I do these two surveys and the writing one every year, though the writing one is gonna wait until I have time to collect all the links and do the word count and everything.

Fandom 2017

1. Your main fandom of the year?

Definitely still Hamilton on the reading/writing front. In the "this is all I talk about" way, it was probably Great Comet or maybe Malloy in general because I still want to talk about Ghost Quartet all the time.

2. Your favorite film watched this year?

(Hahaha, in last year's meme I said something about finding Moana surprisingly moving and wanting to see it again. I ended up seeing it like, five times in theatres.)

But actual films that I actually saw in 2017 that weren't Moana. Probably Get Out. It's really a masterful piece of work in my very favorite genre. I made a zillion people see it. I still think about it all the time. And [vague spoilers] the bit where Rod comes out of the car is probably my favorite movie moment in 2017. [/vague spoilers]

3. Your favorite book read this year?

I can narrow it down to my top three, which were Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee, Star-Crossed by Barbara Dee, and Ghostland by Colin Dickey. The first two are completely unsurprising--Gentleman's Guide is my favorite sort of narrative, where there are exciting adventures and also a queer romance and everyone lives happily ever after. Star-Crossed is the book I needed when I was thirteen, and Ghostland is something I'm still talking about all the time.

4. Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?

Did I listen to anything new this year? Oh, Ghost Quartet! Definitely Ghost Quartet, it was all I listened to for about two months.

5. Your favorite TV show of the year?

Oh god, I don't know? There was nothing I was obsessive over. New stuff that I liked: One Day at a Time, The Good Place, and...maybe that was it?

6. Your favorite online fandom community of the year?

idk. To be honest, I still don’t quite ~*~get~*~ tumblr (tho I had some nice conversations via the chat function, despite my general awkwardness as a human), LJ is dead, and while I connect with fandom friends and talk about fandom on Twitter, I don’t do that as much as I whine about my life. I guess AO3 has been great via comments received, but that also feels one-sided, as chatty cathy as I sometimes get when responding to people’s comments. Most of my fandom conversations this year have PROBABLY been over text?

^^^^ That's what I wrote last year and it probably remains true, except to say that I had a lot of gr8 conversations about my dumb fic with @lisapizza​.

7. Your best new fandom discovery of the year?

I don't think I had one, unless you count Ghost Quartet.

8. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?

Everything that happened around the end of Great Comet. I'm still angry and heartbroken over it.

9. Your fandom boyfriend of the year?

I'm changing this from "your TV bf" and "your TV gf" because I just don't watch a ton of teevee anymore. Still, even with that change, I'm not sure I have a fandom boyfriend right now. I have been pretty anti-dude this year. OH, I guess unless you count Lucas Steele getting all up in my biz on stage when I saw Comet in August XD

10. Your fandom girlfriend of the year?

Probably Brittain Ashford or Morgan Marcell.

11. Your biggest squee moment of the year?

My entire Chicago trip was pretty great, including seeing Karen as Angelica which was WOW. Seeing Malloy as Pierre. The final performance of Great Comet in a ferris wheel with @lisapizza​ @charmingpplincardigans​ and @chiasticbees​

12. The most missed of your old fandoms?

Mostly I miss having close buddies in fandom. I miss texting @pearlo​ every dumb fic idea I have and planning trips and parties for people to come do fannish stuff together.

13. The fandom you haven’t tried yet, but want to?

I’m p mono-fannish, so I’m good for now.

14. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?

Oh god, I don't know? Heroes, probably. It's weird not doing DragonCon this year. Um, Hamilton in Boston. Whatever happens with Moby Dick. Black Panther and A Wrinkle in Time. The Simon vs. movie.

***

General 2017

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Went on a non-con vacation with friends! Recorded a live podcast episode (twice!)! Uh...probably other things?

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

+ Read more adult books

Aahahahaha, if I did that, it was by like...one. So no.

+ Keep track of good things that happen

I started this at the end of the year? But I did not start in January, so much of the year is lost to my shitty memory.

+ Make a writing schedule and try to stick to it for at least a month

This did not happen.

+ Be better with money–pay off half the credit card

This also did not happen.

+ Go on more dates

This also did not happen. I did go on some, but not as many as 2016 and I spent a large chunk of 2017 dragging my feet over asking someone out instead of just...asking.

Next year:

+ Come up with a better way to track reading/writing/finances + Set up some kind of writing schedule + Cook more often + Schedule at least a couple days a month that are designated "get nothing done" days, so I have at least a couple days where I'm not an anxious mess over not doing enough. + Go somewhere new + Go on more dates--there will be more kissing in 2018, I stfg.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Caitlin had a baby! I still haven't met him :(

Did anyone close to you die?

The only person I can think of is Sara, a con friend who I know through several of my closer friends. It was weird being at con without her.

What countries did you visit?

Just the US. Hoping to change that in 2018. I did go to ATL, Charlotte, and Chicago, but even that feels like less travel than I normally do.

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

I’d like to feel more on top of things. I’d like more organization in my life. I’d like more sleep. I’d like a girlfriend.

^^^^ Keeping that answer from last year.

What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 21 and the Women's March, which was amazing and energizing. June 13 when we saw Malloy as Pierre and that whole weird weekend. September 3 and having the final performance of Great Comet in a ferris wheel. (And also crying my cosplay make-up off all day like a nerd.)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Staying alive? I feel like this was not a particularly strong year for achievements.

What was your biggest failure?

The whole year feels kind of like a fuzzy grey blur. I feel like I can come up with nine hundred failures, but none of them were particularly bad.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I started the year off with a broken foot and also with a cold that lasted almost a week. The usual brain stuff was worse than usual thanks to the state of the world. I got glasses.

What was the best thing you bought?

Tickets to Great Comet and Hamilton and Ghost Quartet and Ghost Light and all the other shows and things I saw. My trip to Chicago. My skeleton onesie.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My friends. A lot of excellent activists.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The American people as a whole and everything associated with our clusterfuck election outcome.

Where did most of your money go?

Grown-up type stuff (rent, utilities, groceries), cons, and travel.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Chicago, HeroesCon, DragonCon, Hamilton, Great Comet, Ghost Quartet. Galentine's Day and my Great Comet wake and my Halloween party.

What song will always remind you of 2017?

I feel like this question is more aimed towards people who listen to the radio. My answer is going to be Ghost Quartet because I listened to that a lot.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? I would say that, overall, 2017 has been a sadder year for me than 2016, because up until November, my 2016 was pretty great. But this very moment right now, I think I'm probably slightly happier than I was in December 2016 because everything seemed SO bleak at that point, and at least now there's been some hope.

b) thinner or fatter? Same.

c) richer or poorer? Same.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing. Sleeping. Going on dates. Hanging out with people.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Being depressed. Obsessing over stupid shit people said on the internet.

Did you fall in love in 2017?

Nope.

What was your favorite TV program?

For new stuff, probably The Good Place.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Many, many people. THANKS, POLITICS.

What was the best book you read?

See above for more details on this one.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Ghost Quartet.

What did you want and get?

Cons, brunch, travel, various tickets to things, my skeleton onesie.

What did you want and not get?

Impeachment. A girlfriend. More sleep.

What was your favorite film of this year?

Get Out

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 32! I had a party and we played Drawful and @lisapizza made me a beautiful cake!

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Any sort of fix to our current political mess.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Retro-y dresses.

What kept you sane?

@ginthusiastic @pearlo @caphairdadbeard @isjustprogress @intrikate88 @lisapizza @charmingpplincardigans @anachronistique @chiasticbees @brilligspoons and the rest of the Boston crew whose tumblrs I don’t know/remember, and the DCon crew and Great Comet and Hamilton and GBBO and social media breaks.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Brittain Ashford, Morgan Marcell, the entire cast of The Last Jedi.

What political issue stirred you the most?

It's hard to pick just one when the whole country is on fire.

Who did you miss?

Pretty much everyone when they are not right next to me. Sarah Bay, a lot, but I feel weird singling one person out. [This is exactly what I wrote for the last three years, but I’m keeping it because it’s still true.]

Who was the best new person you met?

I’m trying to think of actualfax new people I met? I can't think of anyone?

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017:

No one cares about facts.

Quote a song that sums up your year:

I will try to forgive myself for living in the dark for my loss of wonder for forgetting how to play

I will try to forgive myself for being absent in public and bored before stars

for not remembering for not being in my body for not starting right now I will try to see myself as I am

[poipoi1912]

Barba-centric thoughts on Ep 18x15

(Yes, Barba thoughts, in honor of the rare Barba-centric episode. Though I will also talk about Sonny, of course.)

Overall Thoughts

A solid episode. There was still something missing (the case was too straight-forward), but the idea that the perp was coming after the squad was somewhat original, and it raised the stakes. There was a lot of suspense, though it was probably less due to the writing and more due to the fact we were all worried about Barba, lol.

Sonny and Continuity

Dr. Carisi made a small appearance, when they found the body. He was all “head trauma, no pool of blood, she was moved”. That’s my Sonny!

I also thought it was sweet how Sonny seemed incredulous that someone would be blackmailing Barba, and he was also protective of Liv, all sweet and almost naively asking, “omg how does he know you and Barba are friends?” That’s the Sonny I know, worried about his friends and colleagues.

Sonny’s ‘Friend’

I've always thought that, out of the entire squad (the entire squad, Amaro and Dodds included), Sonny would be the one with the busiest love life. i.e. Sonny is the only one getting sniz on the reg. With the possible exception of Fin, of course, who is a player. The others are too caught up in their drama. Sonny is totally the guy who would meet someone, and be all cute and charming, and take them to a Broadway show, and buy cute underwear for them, or with them, and cook them dinner, and talk to them about one of his dozens of hobbies, etc etc.

I’m glad to have conformation he’s putting himself out there, basically. Now, this being SVU, Sonny’s ‘friend’ may never be mentioned again. For the moment, it seems the relationship is probably new but not too new and also hot’n’heavy lol, you go gurl!. Probably an actual ‘friend’ in the process of becoming something more? Aw. I do wish he had given us any kind of hint. And I loved how both Fin and Amanda (his bros) were teasing him, making him squirm. It reminded me of New Guy Sonny, from S16.

Bottom line, I’m happy Sonny is getting some, and he’s not letting the job affect his personal life. That’s a first for SVU :D

But enough about everything else. It’s Barba time:

Barba’s Financials

How much money does Barba have? And where is it coming from? We know he doesn’t come from money, as his grandmother lived in a modest building, and his mother seems to be middle class. So, not only does he have enough to buy expensive outfits, he also has enough to make regular (and I assume hefty) payments to that girl? For years? And I imagine he also has to pay rent? And, like, eat? How much do they pay at the DA’s office?

Barba’s Secret

It wasn't as dramatic as I was hoping, but it was a lot better than I was expecting. It fit Barba’s old personality. The guy who would do anything to put a bad man behind bars. I must say, Barba’s personal life remains a total mystery, and I don’t like that, but since the secret was career-threatening, it made sense for it to be work-related. With that in mind, I thought this particular reveal was a very good choice. The fact he didn’t regret it was the cherry on top. That’s the Barba I know.

By the way, imagine if Barba’s secret were to actually play out in an episode. Now. This season. If we saw a strung out witness, and Barba’s moral dilemma, and his decision to give her money, and then her testimony and her death by overdose. Imagine Raul having to act all that out. The doubt, the glee at the outcome of the trial, and then the grief and the guilt.

Imagine him having to meet her little 10-year-old, maybe, and still giving her money to get the drugs, because it was the right thing to do, even though it was wrong. Imagine him getting a call, near the end of the episode, and being informed of her death (and then, DICK WOLF). 

If the writers had such an interesting idea for Barba, why not use it in an individual, current episode? Especially since this season has been so samey and repetitive, and this type of episode would have stood out so much. And Barba said he’d do it again, so it’s not like he’s “changed” since then (I mean of course he has, but you know). Such a wasted opportunity. That would have made for a fantastic hour of television.

Barba and Liv

So many wonderful moments between them. Their bond was showcased in a great way. There were some missteps, like Barba making a fuss about not telling Liv, and then telling her in the very next scene (like, just tell her, Rafi, you know she won’t let it go), but that was classic S18, adding drama where no drama should exist,

That last scene was so good, though. It was a rare moment between two of the most experienced, and possibly most jaded characters on the show, who've been doing this soul-crushing job for way too long, and for a split second they entertain the notion of another life. They acknowledge the toll this job has taken on them (Liv’s “I know” was poignant, both because it validated Barba’s feelings and because it showed us a little crack in her own armor).

But they both have some fight left in them. I was moved when I heard Barba saying he really loves this job. It was a rare emotional moment for him. His confession was amazing as well, of course, and Raul’s performance was incredible, but I’m always drawn to the more lowkey moments, so that “I love this job, oh I really do,” just as Barba was about to possibly lose that job, and the defiant way in which he said it, that moment really spoke to me.

We don’t often get to hear Barba’s feelings about his job, or about his life, so I thought that was both necessary and lovely. And beautifully conveyed by Raul.

Barba’s Future

I wish the show had played up the consequences for Barba a little more. He has “a meeting with the DA”? What else is new? I wish the writers had utilized one of the episodes Raul wasn’t in, to maybe suggest he had gotten temporarily suspended. And then he could return, one episode later, and Liv and the squad could welcome him back. Then again, the scheduling changes probably would have made that impossible.

I have to say, Barba continues to be isolated from the rest of the team. I appreciate all the moments he shares with Liv, but I’d like to see him more integrated with the main cast. Different characters bring out different qualities in him, and I miss that.

Also, Barba’s aspirations are dead, right? His career is toast? In the longterm? This type of dirt, if this guy could find it, anyone could. Barba probably ain’t getting elected as the Manhattan DA anytime soon :(

(yes, this is me pretending that a) continuity exists on SVU and b) SVU would actually tackle a storyline about Barba’s career)

Stray Thoughts

Raul is divine.

Remember that dramatic promo, the one everyone was trying to dissect? It was all about Fin’s rope guy. Well played, SVU. Well played.

The Amanda parallels with the victim’s sister were weird. Too weird to be coincidental. And she was pretty judgy again, as she usually is when it comes to addiction, but it was nothing too bad. Dare I hope the writers were just being subtle? Or did they forget they gave that girl Amanda’s exact backstory?

They brought back that hot detective, only to make him look like an asshole? Nice. But, not gonna lie, I missed that tension between SVU cops and Homicide/the FBI/etc. So I didn’t mind it in the end. And his last scene was classic SVU.

Finally, Liv going in on a perp during an interrogation! I loved it.

The first time she met with Barba, Liv checked her phone and looked surprised, and I thought someone was blackmailing her! Maybe spying on her and Barba, right then and there! Missed opportunity.

Mega-terrabytes or whatever :D

No mention of Fin making Sergeant. So the reshoots were just regular reshoots/additional scenes. No plot or continuity reasons. At this point, we can’t be sure Fin’s promotion will actually be addressed. Maybe a random patrol cop will randomly say ‘Sergeant Tutuola’ in a random scene in, like, episode 20 :/

[occupyscifi]

Red state and blue state It was while he was in the bathroom hate-jerking to president Laura bank’s morning address to the nation that American Patriot (formerly named Alex Smith) noticed something weird with his screen. It might have been his imagination, or it might have been the bottle of super power diet pills he’d downed as part of his morning regime – all the better to prepare him for his live cast to his loyal patriotic fellow Americans – but then again it might have been something more. ‘Goddamn Feds, interfering with my feed’ he muttered, one hand on his stars and stripes tattooed member and one hand groping for his Russian issue hacking glove. He’d had that dronexed from a guy who swore he was in deep with one of Putin’s favourite hacking gangs, and it was guaranteed to cut through anything the Feds were doing to his live feed of the president’s liberal ass tirade to the poor working American people. ‘….which is why we have to provide abortion clinics on the corner of every high street’ the president was saying, her sober business suit as always decorated with every goddamn lapel pin from Blue Lives don’t matter to SJW’s united against men but no room for the good old Stars and Stripes. “And remember that our daughters deserve better than…” and at that point the screen juddered again as if hit by old school static interference. But one important thing prevented Patriot from reaching for his encryption scrambler that enabled him to avoid the fakenews networks from making him pay for their fake news biased media sheep feed. For while the image of uber cuck bitch Banks flickered and strobed the background of the Rose garden stayed steady. Her cabinet of assholes, cowards and cucks also wavered – women vanishing and being replaced by older white men before changing back. And yet the security guys required to stop honest Americans from second amendmenting the President to death remained the same. “What is this bullshit?” Said Patriot, sensing conspiracy . After all conspiracy was his trade, there wasn’t a corner of the internet he hadn’t visited in his crusade for the truth. Never mind how many facts he’d been hit with, never mind how many people tried to convince him otherwise once he smelled truth he never gave up till he had the evidence to back up what his gut had been telling him all along. His heart beat faster as he shrugged on the hacker glove. Although his increased heart rate might have been more due to the pills, the bottle of which rested on the cabinet of his palatial bathroom. Its fittings and fixtures had been paid for by the subscriptions of honest Americans upset by the biased expert filled and fact laden un American media. Patriot tapped the glove on the screen that filled most of the bathroom mirror. The reflection of himself, toned muscle and tumescent member, vanished to be replaced by the boring ass stats behind the live feed he had been watching. Unlike a great number of his colleagues Patriot had actually been to college- where he studied computer science- and despite his dislike of experts was something of an expert when it came to deciphering the complex numbers behind the digital images he had been rage-sturbating to. “Okay, so what do we have here?” He muttered, tapping the screen. First he removed the usual subliminal ad routines that were meant to inculcate in him a desire for whatever brands had paid the president's people the highest. Most of them were brands that had sponsored his show, the pill makers and the financial services giants, brands he was happy to use himself. Then he broke the images down into their composite layers and narrowed his eyes. It was a live feed of the White House lawn, that much he could be sure of, and it was also definitely true that the President was there. Patriot raised an eyebrow, he had been hoping one of his favorite conspiracy theories – that Laura banks had died of AIDS before the beginning of her second term and been replaced by a CGI mockup – was true. That theory had got enough traction that her rival in the next election was already using it in his campaign ads. Then again Holden Reston would have used any evidence to try and score a knockout blow against the liberal witch. Not that the lame stream media would ever even give him the time of day. “So what the fuck am I missing?” Said Patriot, grabbing with his other hand a Wellness Super Ass nutrition shake to focus his mind. He popped the can and chugged the caffeinated goodness inside, feeling it fill him with the power of ancient Chinese wisdom and definitely certified brain power. With his gloved hand he tapped more at the screen. There was clearly someone interfering with the source, changing the audio of the address as well as some key visual features – swapping out entirely some figures from the background and making sure that Bank’s face matched her words ‘who the fuck is doing this?” He tapped more and frowned more “and why? Ain’t she liberal enough that someone has to change her words?” He looked closer at the screen, at a chunk of code that seemed to control the whole thing, enabling one of two outcomes. Currently it was stuck on the A signal. Patriot wondered what would happen if he flicked it to B. “Maybe get the goddamn truth for once” he muttered to himself, forgetting that he had always assumed that Banks’ divisive and dangerous liberal rhetoric was already inflammatory enough. With a gesture he flicked the settings onto B, praying that this really was a proper conspiracy and not just his TV fucking with him “here we go. Truth bomb time” “….which is why we have to give every high schooler in America access to the latest military grade firearms” Banks was suddenly saying, her accent having changed mid word from east coast liberal whine to red state cutesy drawl “because folks, the only way to stop a bad eighth grader with a gun is to give a good eighth grader a gun. I mean, c’mon. Giving em recess detentions ain’t gonna cut it, right?” “What the ever loving fuck?” Muttered Patriot, watching in horror as Banks then went on to explain why the US should leave the UN because it was a plot to make honest Americans into gay Muslims. When she began to explain why climate change had been invented by the communists Patriot almost had a joygasm. “Goddam liberal media…” he breathed, a mantra he repeated so often it had almost lost its truth. Well not this time. This time he’d caught them at their game. A game so vast it beggared belief. That they had been changing Bank’s message all the time. That she had been an honest god fearing American, fighting for the red white and blue while all the time the feminazis of Silicon Valley had been undermining her message “this… this is so fucking huge I can’t even…” He scrabbled around for a piece of un-networked media to record this on. Were he in his home studio room in the lower level of the bunker he shared with a hundred or so other survivalists he’d be surrounded by gear for secretly recording data beyond the reach of government goons intent on undermining his constitutional rights. However his bathroom was slightly less well appointed, and as he usually used the place to wash and jerk off in he didn’t like to keep cameras around, even if they weren’t linked online. “Shit, I’m losing it…” he muttered as the screen started to strobe again and the code stream on the right filled with ident numbers that Patriot recognized as being some heavy duty semi sentient subroutine starting to take an interest in what he was doing. The last thing he needed was the cyber Feds sending their digital goons after him. While the bunker – a former minuteman missile silo in rural Kansas- had enough digital protection to match its physical equivalent Patriot had no illusions that it could stand up to a full scale assault. The Fed’s were using the same next gen anti encryption software developed not in the fight against terrorism but the much more lucrative fight against movie piracy. You might fuck with Homeland Security and survive, but fuck with Hollywood and you were going down. Desperately he looked about him, trying to find something with some media storage, no matter how meager. In the networked digital age every household item up to and including the common toothbrush was not only linked wirelessly but contained enough memory to store a record of its users habits, ready to sell onto the highest bidder. However Patriot’s toothbrush was currently out of charge and there wasn’t much else that would be able to record what he needed. Desperately his eyes fell on the box of pills he’d been knocking back. The bottle was pretty much generic, but the smart label on the side had enough computing power to order him more pills every time he had finished the last one. “Shit, shit, shit” Patriot cried, seeing that the all seeing eye of the godless software was about to find out where he was based even through the heavy screens of VPN’s and TOR routers. His thick fingers scrabbled at the label, picking the edge to bring up the contact and slapping it to the screen. With his gloved hand he grabbed at the code, copying as much as possible onto the bottle before the Feds could come crashing through the window “cmon, c’mon” he muttered to himself as he tried to sync the smart label with the screen. As they did so he noticed two things. The first was that the label had changed from ‘PowerBro True American Eagle strength Wake me up to Freedom’ to ‘Earth Mother’s all natural high’ – decorated with a cheery lo fi smiley face and claiming to have been made by hippies in Portland. The second was that the interrupt code was already stored on the label. However before Patriot could make anything of this revelation the screen on his bathroom wall exploded, firing fragments of glass at his unprotected body and blasting him backwards into his bath. His apartment, being fully connected to the internet of things – albeit through enough encryption software to keep a Chinese dissident hidden from his government – then shut down totally plunging him into darkness. The only light coming into the bathroom was from the lounge, where a screen the size of a wall usually showed a live feed of stirring patriotic images from around the states and served as a good backdrop for his casts. Now it just hummed and shone in an unhealthy blue. “Blue screen of death” said Patriot, impressed despite his injuries “now I know that I’m onto some serious shit” “Your system’s fried” said Stetson Cole, fellow bunker survivalist and former Silicon Valley whizz kid that Patriot called in to the ruin of his apartment. He had been thorough in his assessment, and he was certain “and anything on it is fried” “You're sure?” Insisted Patriot “I got backups for my backups. I record everything, you know that” “And they all got fried” insisted the programmer, hitching up steampunk e-glasses and scratching his beard. He’d given up Silicon Valley for the lure of living in an underground bunker and only came to see Patriot because it had been Patriot who’d inspired him to become a survivalist in the first place “dunno what hit your system but it was the equivalent of a nuclear missile. Shit, even those old VHS tapes you got in the back there have been erased. I didn’t even know there was malware that could do that” he shook his head, impressed at the skill involved. “Fuck, I need evidence” said Patriot “if you’d seen…if you could have heard what Banks’ was saying…” “That bitch never said nothing that wasn’t a straight up lie from the mouth of Satan himself” said the programmer, his MIT educated voice sounding skeptical. “No, no she wasn’t like that” Patriot looked around the ruin of his bunker apartment. The curved wall ran along the inside edge where once a missile would have sat snugly, waiting for a chance to end the world that had never come. Patriot had decorated in lots of pinewood and hunting accessories in homage to American survivalist from ages past. The walls had been hung with prints of patriotic martyrs, from Bundy to Mcvee to Jared Kushner. However the explosions of the screens had torn these from the walls too. Patriot gritted his teeth, this was more than a patriotic man could bear. He had paused long enough only to put on a pair of Stars and Stripes undies before calling Stetson on his old ham radio “she sounded honest. Sounded American. Sounded like the kind of woman we should have running the country” “Well she don’t sound like that to me” said Stetson “Cause they interfering with what you've been streaming, Stet” insisted Patriot “they got us all fooled. Even me. Till now” “Gonna need more than your bathroom story I’m afraid, old friend” “Well there is one thing” said Patriot, pulling out the bottle of pills “Earth Mother’s natural High?” Said Cole “my wife takes those, gets them from some liberals pharmaceutical place” he looked at Patriot worriedly “didn’t have you down as the wellness type. It’s all juju berries and hippy crap. Thought you’d be a PowerBro man like me” “I am” said Patriot “and this was a powerbro bottle. Till I tried to interface it with my screen. Now its got all this crap on it” he picked at the side “but I kinda fried the circuit along with the rest of the house. Was hoping you might be able to get something from this” “No chance brother” said Stetson “whatever data was on it is long gone. It’s as fried as the rest” “no, no but that don’t matter” said Patriot “cause whatever code was fucking with my screens was on these pills too. So I guess if we just buy another bunch..” “I got some in my apartment” said Stetson “And I got my wife’s hippie crap if you wanna compare” “make it scientific, yeah” said Patriot, who had long railed against the scientific method as un American. However in moments like this it hardly mattered. There was a higher truth at stake. Cole's apartment was, if anything, even more stereotypically survivalist than Patriot’s. The only difference in the Deer Hunter aesthetic was the nerd shrine that was a requirement for anyone who’d made a buck in Silicon Valley. Ancient Apple II’s jostled with illegally made knockoffs of first generation Star Wars toys. There was also marked evidence of feminine inhabitation, which Patriot sniffed at. Letting a woman inhabit a man’s space was the first step towards being a cuck. Next thing you knew you are acting like an SJW and mailing your balls to the Feminazis. “in here” said Cole, featuring to a room filled floor to ceiling with stacks of computer hardware. Enough cabling to garrote a giant connected to more computing power than had put the Chinese on Mars. He sat and placed on a desk the bottles of PowerBro and Patriot’s slightly crisped bottle “should be able to crack this in no time” However two hours later they were no closer to getting the code, both Patriot and Stetson having taxed their expertise to the limit. Patriot was getting antsy. He had a show to tape and he wanted to be able to bring down the government before the evening. “why the fuck isn’t this working?” muttered Patriot in frustration “ can’t even find the code at all” “Hey, I mean look” said Stetson looking awkward “s'no shame to admit you had a fugue. You know we all get em. I trashed my screen after I took too much PowerBro and tried to complete Call of Booty on dead man mode. I was hallucinating them zombie Nazi strippers, y’know. We’re dudes. Sometimes we fuck up...” “Hey, what the fuck?” said Patriot, looking furious “the fuck makes you think I have breakdowns?” “Umm, cause on your show.. “ said Cole “what do you mean…” began Patriot, then thought again. He did act like he was on the edge of a breakdown, jumping around like a lunatic and spitting as he talked. But that was just the standard Alex Jones rant mode that every shock jock, right and left always used “shit, you know that’s all scripted, right? I don’t actually get so mad I tear my clothes. And I don’t wanna burst your bubble but when I start spitting blood, that ain’t real blood” “I just thought…” began Stetson, chastened somewhat “You know, it’s showbiz. Don’t mean I don’t mean all I say. Now we gotta crack this shit or else the bad guys gonna win. You wanna say that you let the traitors get away with it?” “no I don’t” said Stetson. Looking again at the bottles “Okay, there is one person I can call to help us. But I don’t think you’re going to like who it is” “listen, I don’t care what kinda asshole guy you get to do this. Just call him and get us our code” “We’ll that’s just it” said Stetson “isn’t a him. She’s a she” “Okay, I can deal with that. But she tries some SJW crap then I ain’t gonna hold back…” “nah, she won’t” said Stetson, then raising his voice “honey, could you come in here a moment? We got something we need a little help with” Stetson wife was just about acceptable to Patriot, her only flaw being that she was a hot woman who dressed in a casual way. Naturally Patriot knew women only wore makeup to attract and beguile men to do their bidding, but he felt Mrs Stetson Cole could have worn more. However she greeted him with a smile and a nod. “I watched your show” she said, her voice carefully neutral “it’s pretty… illuminating” she smiled politely. “Ella hate watches it” admitted Patriot “she gets real worked up over it” he looked sheepish, not least because when his wife got that angry the sex was out of this world. For that he could easily forgive the completely opposite views of politics. That and the fact they had been in love since they’d first met at a coding party in college. “well hell” said Patriot, who wasn’t surprised. He knew his demographic figures well enough to know that probably as many people watched him to get angry at him as did to get angry and with him. “one subscriber is as good as another. Keeps the wolf from the door and all that” Stetson explained the situation to Ella and handed her the bottle of pills, she turned them over in her hands. “You know these are the exact same pills, right?” She said “I mean the bottles sure look different but the pills inside are identical” “Bullshit” said Patriot “I been sponsored by powerbro pills long enough to know…” “Identical” insisted Ella “to the point where whenever Stetson runs out of powerbro I just sneak a couple of my bottles into his bathroom cabinet. Label changes automatically” “You’re shitting me” said Stetson “how their fuck does that work?” “That's…that's it. Must be it anyway” Said Patriot “cause, don’t you see? They got a code on there that changes what people see. I read about that” he tried to think which particular conspiracy site he’d seen that had told him. Then he remembered it had been in the Wall Street Journal, a magazine he’d never admit to reading because it was part of the MSM establishment and as close to Satan as you could get. However if you wanted to be a savvy entrepreneur it paid to keep up with things. He took the bottle in his hands “its like with the adverts you see. They aren’t just a bunch of random plugs for shit you don’t need. Every time you pass a smart screen or a smart fridge or whatever it picks up your personal metadata, all those tags you generate every time you buy something online…” “Which is why I ain’t bought on line since I was eleven years old” said Stetson proudly “there isn’t any data that big brother has on me” “Except they’ve got algorithms that can predict with a high degree of statistical accuracy what a man of your age, -occupation and ethnicity would buy” interrupted Ella, idly connecting the labels of the bottles to the nest of machinery. She looked up at Patriot, an annoyed expression on his face. There was a reason he did live casts without a live audience. He hated being interrupted “I did a girl’s guide to semi sentient software programmers” she shrugged “hey, its not all about man hating…” “Yeah, so what happens is that the makers of those bottles see whose looking at them. If its some hippie dippy liberal snowflake it goes all Paltrow. It’s a real honest American patriot then its turns to powerbro” “Sure, okay” said Stetson “but how does that help us show that the US president isn’t some liberal whiny bitch?” “Because clearly she isn’t like that when its some liberal asshole watching” said Patriot “its only red blooded Americans that have to stomach a woman whose feminazi agenda is ruining this country…” “Wait, what?” Said Ella “that doesn’t really make any sense. Why hide the fact of who she is to half the country? Why not just pretend to everyone who she really is?” “Because they wannna laugh at us” said Patriot, imagining his favorite hate image of the east coast liberal elite “in their fancy ass parties quoting The NY Times and talking about how anyone outside a city is a dumbshit redneck. They wanna lord it over us, laughing at us…” “…but what if liberals and conservatives have a conversation about politics? Wouldn’t they find out pretty quickly that Laura Banks isn’t a Liberal? What about…” “Come on darling, you know that don’t happen” said Stetson kindly “you know since the Twitter wars and the social media cleansing people don’t talk about politics face to face. It just ain’t done…” “Yeah, yeah I can see it clearly now” said Patriot, his eyes wide “and it’s just as I thought. A goddamn liberal conspiracy to keep good Americans down and pretend that our president is some godless liberal do gooder. I think it’s about time that the American people knew the truth” he looked at Ella whose eyebrows were raised so high they were in danger of disappearing into her hairline “can you get me that code? Can you show me how it can change what people see?” “Sure I can” said Ella “but I still don’t get how…” “You don’t need to honey” said Stetson patronisingly “cause Patriot’s gonna explain it to everyone, live at 5. That’s the kinda broadcast that could bring down the government” he started eagerly pottering around his apartment “I better get my best clothes ready. I wanna storm the state capital looking good, you know?” “You’ve done the American people a great service, little lady” said Patriot, as Ella wordlessly handed him an ancient looking non networked USB stick with the data on it “and I hope you’re going to be watching” “Wouldn’t miss it” said Ella, but Patriot was already heading out the door so he missed her sarcasm. It was a great show. Patriot hit all his best notes, he grovelled, he growled, he shouted and went so red he was in danger of bursting something. He told the American people everything he about the conspiracy to hide the fact that Laura Banks was really an honest red state American. He was somewhat surprised however when he left his home studio to find someone in his living room. His surprise only increased when he recognised who it was. “spokeswoman Tori” he said to the smiling face of the regime he despised. Every true American knew to hate Tori Al-Sperring. She had been the one to hector the media, to pour scorn on honourable news networlds like Foxbart and InfoDrudge. To have the audacity to demand evidence where gut feeling should have been enough. Patriot’s surprise though ended when he saw in her hand a slim pistol. Clearly her repudiation of the 2nd amendment ceased when it came to bumping off honest truthtellers like Patriot. He had guessed, and maybe even a little hoped, that this would happen. After the livecast his suddenly murdered body would only add weight to his words “what a surprise. We’ll I’m afraid you’re too late. The word is out. You leave me dead and it’ll only prove me right” “Two things” said Tori, her voice clipped and naturally bitchy “number one, if we wanted you dead we’d have killed you soon as you caught the code. Secondly the word may be out but the word is wrong. So wrong in fact you’re kinda doing us a favour” her smile widened “not for the first time, by the way” “so what’s the gun for?” asked Patriot, wiping sweat away from his forehead this was not caused by the stress of the situation, but from his livecast. He was a very active performer, what with the studio lights, the foaming at the mouth and screaming about how honest Americans were being genocided by liberal hate he was quite exhausted. “same reason anyone has a gun. To look cool. To make people listen” “Okay, so I’m listening” said Patriot, plonking himself down on an easy chair “what are you going to tell me?” “the truth” she said “a concept you may have heard of, but I don’t think you have much contact with” “and the truth is what? That you got the real Laura banks hidden away while we have to listen to the fake bullshit liberal one? Cause I ain’t stupid. I know how easy it is to cook up liberal shit. There’s meme generators on the internet more believable than the liberal crap she comes out with. I could do better. I’m amazed no one but me has noticed that it ain’t the real Laura banks” “Well this might disappoint you” said Tori, idly spinning her gun around her finger “but they’re both as false as the other. There isn’t a real Laura banks. You get a choice, either liberal Laura or conservative Laura. Take your pick” “Wait, what?” “It’s simple. You were half right. We do use algorithms to write her liberal speeches. But we do the same fir her conservative ones. Basic algorithms overlays all the broadcasts she makes, some of them are for a conservative audience, and others for a liberal one. It’s a trick as old as TelePrompter. And saves us a ton of work” “So what you're saying” growled Patriot “is that the Laura banks I been hating on is the one that liberal want to be watching? That I should have been getting gun tooting Laura all along?” “Oh no” said Tori “quite the opposite in fact. You get liberal laura because you’re conservative. If you were some latte sipping liberal on the East Coast you’d be getting wall to wall Mexican hating small government loving god fearing laura” “What's the fucking point of that?” Said Patriot, totally lost. He could get his head around the idea of. A virtual president, hell there’ been rumours of that since Trump’s second term. Some of old orange Julius’ insults had started going on repeat and there were plenty whispers that he’d had one Trump steak too many and died of a heart attack. His aides had just used some off the shelf adobe program to stitch bits of old speeches together and hope no one noticed. As for twitter there were enough random Trump tweet generators to keep the old man’s legacy going forever. But it was just the idea that whoever was secretly running the government was giving people a president they hated was just beyond him “you mean you make sure that everyone sees a president they fucking hate? Why?” “C’mon American” said Tonos “I’ve seen your show. You more than anyone know the power of hatred. You think if on your show you gave thoughtful deconstruction of liberal arguments that anyone would watch? You think if you didn’t pander to the lowest prejudice people would still subscribe?” “Well, yeah” said Patriot “but I give people what they want. They're already angry. I give ‘em something to be angry about. Don’t know why the fuck you make us watch something we hate” “Seriously?” Said toni “you mean to say you’ve never hate watched something? You’ve never deliberately tuned into a channels, viewed a live cast or seen a movie knowing it would make you angry and then just did it anyway?” “I might” he said, his eyes narrowing “And, hand on heart now, how many of your viewers do you think are what you would call ‘card carrying liberal ass wimps’?” “I got a few” he admitted “More than a few” said Tori “remember, I’m from the big bad people who run the Government. We know everything about you, including your show stats. Last time I checked you had more than seventy percent of your audience share coming from locations described as liberal, and from households where average data suggests a heavy voting average towards your hated liberal agenda” “Yeah, I don’t get how that means you make the President an asshole” “Because to be honest everyone wants the president to be an asshole” said Tori with a sigh “look, I represent a shadowy cabal of Silicon Valley billionaires and other dark money industrial barons. When we took over running the government it was the end of the second Trump term – and yes, you were right. We did replace the old bastard, but not because he died but because he couldn’t hack being president any more. Being a businessman he sold the office of President to the highest bidder. Luckily that happened to be us – and we outbid the Russians by a hair only. Anyway when we took over we thought the American people had had enough of hating on each other, they were exhausted by division. Defeated after fighting each other at every turn. They were sick of blue state and red state, republican and democrat. They wanted a uniter and not a divider and so we gave it to them” “What, you mean Buckwheat was your guy?” “Buckwheat wasn’t real” said Tonos “he was a bunch of code and an actor we’d mo capped to get the moves right. But more than that he represented what every focus group, left and right said they wanted. He was the middle bit of the venn diagram where even the most divided American could agree. He was pro second amendment but could talk round the gun lobby. He was anti abortion but he did more for women’s reproductive rights than any president. He was a church going Christian who was at home chatting with atheists. He was…” “The most boring goddamn president ever” interrupted Patriot “no fucker cared what he was doing. He didn’t have no opinions, he was always been the nice guy. Always talking when he should have been kicking ass…” “Yeah, that was what everyone seemed to think” said Tori “Buckwheat had the lowest approval ratings of any president since post 1929 Herbert Hoover. But no one knew why. You asked people on the street their opinion of him and they’d shrug, like yeah, he seemed like an all right guy, but no one gave a fuck. No one supported his policies, but then again no one really opposed them” “Hey, I’d have thought if you'd were running the government that’s exactly the kind of patsy you’d want. Don’t rock the boat. Cause apathy is the real enemy of democracy…” “Yeah, it isn’t” said Tonos “and you forget. We bought the presidency. The presidency is a brand and we need our guy front and centre of everything. If people don’t care about politics they don’t read the news. They don’t share click bait bullshit articles. They don’t argue online for hours. They don’t even buy stupid goddamn shirts and they certainty don’t contribute to election campaigns” Tori shook her head “no, Buckwheat was one of the most expensive goddamn mistakes we ever made. And so when his first term ended we knew we had to do it properly. Cause we’d realized, like you, that hate sells. But the problem was how do you launch a president that no one likes? I mean, sure, we didn’t have to worry about the votes because we just fixed whatever numbers we wanted. But how do we create a president that every American, no matter their creed, thinks is a fucking number one asshole?” “Pretty fucking easily” said Patriot, seeing now how it was done “you’d just have to get access to their news feeds and their social media history. Search for keywords that really pushed their buttons and you get an algorithm to do the rest” he shrugged “hell, I thought about doing the same thing for my show, but you know I’m a craftsman. People start to notice after a while if you get a computer to do your hating for you” “Naturally, and I respect that” said Tori “which is kinda why I’m here and not some black bag assassin ready to shoot you down” “Err, what?” Said Patriot, looking fearfully around “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Banks is getting a bit repetitive. Hating on the same imaginary conservative fears that no actual liberal believes in. The same is true, if you’d ever watched, about conservative laura. The hate hits are dropping off, the number of people hate jerking to her has gone way down, to almost Buckwheat levels in some places. We need some new writers, because the computers are not enough. In short, we need someone like you to come and write content for our Banks” “and if I say no?” “like I said, I represent a shadowy cabal of silicon valley billionaires and industrial barons. How do we usually deal with our problems?” “I dunno, outsource them to India?” “Funny, but no” tori leaned closer “what will happen is that I shoot you in the face, here and now. Then some of our guys will come in and plug into your network. A CGI version of you will keep broadcasting, so that all your fans and haters think you are still alive. But because we’re cruel we’ll make sure that over time you become less and less believable until gradually all your audience will desert you. Then we’ll announce that you died, and in the most embarrassing way possible. It’ll probably involve cocks. I haven’t thought about it yet” she smiled as Patriot through about his options “on the other hand you can make an ass ton of money and we’ll even let you keep your show. The choice is yours”

[crackopenabook]

Cognitive Dissonance

       I wake up in my college dorm, once again drenched in sweat - a common occurrence these days. An outline of my body is molded into the sheets and mattress. I put my headphones into my ears, turn on my iPod and play a song that is chock full of melancholy and sadness. I walk into the conjoined college bathroom, splash water onto my face and just look at my reflection in the mirror. A stranger looks back at me.

       I grew up in an abusive household. My father is an alcoholic with a bad temper, and the alcohol only exacerbated his verbal abuse toward my mother, my younger brother and me. It was an onslaught of being called, “stupid”, “ugly”, and even one time he called me a “tramp”; I was only 13 years old at the time. I spent the majority of my life in extracurricular activities, from playing club soccer to Catholic Sunday school classes.  Pretending you didn’t live in an abusive household was pretty exhausting, feigning happiness became an art form of sorts. This one particular occasion that stands out was in my 7th grade gym class. I remember how my face felt awkward when I smiled and laughed. When I got home that evening I examined my face when I smiled: the left side of my face was slower than the right. When I blinked my left eyelid took a few seconds longer to match the right in movement. When I drank water, the water dribbled out of the left side of my mouth, when I flared my nostrils only the right side would flare out the left stayed motionless. I remained relatively calm when I brought my mother into my room to look at this anomaly. She took me to the doctor the next day and I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy, which in my case, was related to stress. This was not one of those moments where we tell the doctor the type of abuse we endure day to day. I took my prescribed medicine and moved on with my life.        Major Depression Disorder affects more than 16.1 million American adults, or about 6.7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in any given year. [1] When I was a freshman in High School, I began having anxiety attacks during the day, it was as if there was a large weight on my chest and I felt my heart slow down. Normally these attacks would happen at night. I would be lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, but then I would see the walls start caving in around me. It would feel as if my body was being pinched between two fingers, a hard thing to describe. I had the impulse to jump out of bed and begin walking as fast as I could, sometimes I would I have to go outside so I can take a deep breath with fresh air in it. I would mention these events to my Mother but I think she just found it odd but nothing really came from my telling of these anxiety attacks. I don’t believe she really knew much about depression and anxiety, or at least, she didn’t put a label on it.        My freshman year of college was out in Brenham, Texas, just an hour north of Houston. I was pretty excited to live on campus because that meant I was going to be far, far away from my Father. However, the loneliness I felt while I was there took me by surprise. Growing up, I had no problem sitting in my room reading a book. I wasn’t very social outside of my sports playing and church-going activities. I suppose my being holed up in my dorm room, outside of going to class, wasn’t the healthiest option. My roommate was cordial and on the occasion would include me when her friends came over to study. I found it must more pleasant when she would go home for the weekend, some peace and quiet, for me to collect my thoughts. There was a night that my roommate was away and I was feeling so sad. I was frustrated that I wasn’t doing well in any of my classes that weren’t electives, I missed my dog, and strangely enough my home. I began thinking about what would happen if I decided to kill myself. What were the pros of no longer existing, anywhere but here would have to be better; even as a God-fearing Catholic I was willing to take those odds of being sent to Hell for suicide. I put a large amount of my depression medication in my hand and put it up to my mouth to ingest but I couldn’t do it. I thought about how much my death would destroy my Mother, how much she has gone through with my Father and how she didn’t deserve to endure pain by my hand.        I withdrew from Blinn College in April 2007, moved back home, my parents got a divorce, and I just began working full time. Since I was making some money from working so much I moved out of my Mom’s home and started working three jobs at the mall. I was so busy living a 21-year-old lifestyle I didn’t have time to dwell on my sadness. I still have major depression that rears its ugly head when I’m overwhelmed by work but I put on a happy face to power through. What else can you do? ________________        You begin routines to push you from sunrise to sunset. The industry I work in has the “same shit different day” attitude, I work as an estimator for a body shop. Dealing with the aftermaths of peoples hardships; their loss is my gain. Customers and insurance groups don’t see the monetary benefit I see from damaged vehicles that cost thousands of dollars to fix. However, when dealing with that amount of money from various companies across the country can become very stressful. Paperwork, the quality of work you need to sell back to the owners of those vehicles, and the hassle of collecting payment from insurance companies that might feel they don’t have to pay for certain items.        I have worked for three different body shops around the city of Houston and each one has the same type of coping mechanism: drinking alcohol and ingesting various types of drugs. When I first began in the automotive industry I was still “green”, which was just another term for being new to the field. One of my co-workers, Josh, had anxiety issues and took a high dosage of clonazepam[2] which can help with panic attacks but can also lead to suicidal thoughts, memory loss, and drowsiness. Josh would give me a pill or two to take when he could see I was having a rough day. Normally after a long work week, my co-workers and I would buy a bottle of Crown Royal and hang around the shop for a majority of the night. Josh would tell me, “Fuck it, this job sucks anyway” and we would take a clonazepam with a glass of whiskey.        One afternoon I couldn’t handle the clonazepam I took. I honestly can’t remember how many I took, but I remember having a major panic attack. I couldn’t stop crying or saying how much I wanted to die. It was enough that my manager at the time asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and...I don’t remember how I got to the emergency room. After I was evaluated, my Mother and Step Dad showed up at the hospital and talked with me about what I was feeling. I was put in an ambulance and taken to a mental institution and held there for 7 days. This was a completely different type of outcome than my attempt at attempted suicide some 6 years prior. You have a routine from sunrise to sunset in that hospital. Nurses wake you up around five in the morning to take your blood pressure, take your meds, and then back to bed only to be woken up again at eight in the morning for breakfast. It was an interesting system to be in because of the different types of health issues you personally get to be involved with. My first night there I was woken up to a woman screaming for her cigarettes. Some of those women coming off of meth or heroin can’t miss an opportunity to smoke or else they will fight a nurse.        This hospital was split between men and woman when it came to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and quiet time. You can’t spend too much time mingling with the opposite sex. I did notice a younger, dark-haired, Hispanic guy who couldn’t have been more than 25 years old. He was manic-depressive; the way he would just stare off into the distance but he had a look in his eyes that just seemed empty and lifeless. I would try to talk to him but he wouldn’t really say much of anything, hardly a grunt of acknowledgement. The other guys would say “he’s too quiet” and “very weird”. I saw something in that manic-depressive guy that I was so afraid to see in myself. I couldn’t shut myself off completely like that. I had one of my best friends from the body shop, Chris, come and visit me. He asked me, “How long are you gonna be held up in here? This place feels creepy, almost like jail but cleaner.” My best friend has been in county jail for street racing so I could see where he was coming from. “I don’t know when they’ll let me out of here. Once I have my evaluation and the doctors think it’s safe for me to go home.”, I told him. Chris had such a look of pity and confusion on his face and in his eyes. I’ve always been honest with Chris about my depression but he could never quite wrap his head around the issue of me just feeling sad. After 5 days in that hospital, I was ready to fake being happy. I missed my home, my dog, and fresh air from outside of those walls. On the 7th day, I was released. My Mother came to pick me up from the hospital and as soon as we drove away from the building I started crying. A cry of relief, of shame, guilt, and happiness to be free.

________________

I was fired from my job at the body shop a month after I returned to work from getting out of the hospital. I honestly can not remember my final month at the shop. I am fairly certain they kept my workload to a minimum. When I was let go it was the shop foreman, TJ, that brought me into the manager's office, “I’m sorry, Ashley, but we’re gonna have to let you go. Clean out your desk. You’re done for the day.” No one is a fan of being fired and I remember feeling calm at first as I packed up my desk and said my brief goodbyes to Josh and Chris. As I was leaving though I saw TJ again and that was when I started crying and he hugged me. Apologizing. So only a month away from my hospital stay and I was home alone with only my dog and bills I couldn’t afford. This was November 2013, just a week before Thanksgiving. Ah, what to give thanks for? It actually took over four months for me to find a job as a receptionist at a moving company and over a period of six months, I was promoted to an accountant. Thus began my love for accounting, or more specifically the love of counting money. During this time I also started having a friends with benefits relationship with my current boyfriend. I have not had another major depressive episode since working at the body shop. When I told my boyfriend, Jonathan, about the mental hospital I was in he was very supportive. One of his best friends, Clayton, was in a mental hospital for three weeks, I have actually spoken with Clayton concerning this and he describes how generous Jonathan was, “Jonathan would come and visit me almost every other day just to see how I was doing. He was the only one of our friends who would do that. Jonathan is one of the kindest guys you’ll ever know.” All of that is true. On me and Jonathan’s second anniversary, he told me how he really feels about me, “When I look at you I see someone that’s felt sadness and hard times just like me. I see someone that hasn't quit. Someone that hasn’t compromised being themselves.” Knowing you live with this overwhelming amount of sadness inside of you and having to carry the burden of that knowledge alone is tiring. To have someone by my side through toughs times is very helpful. My family has all but moved to other sides of the state or out to other states so seeing them becomes more difficult. I’m not one to attempt contact with friends. I prefer to be alone so my old friends are just distant memories. My dog passed away a couple years ago so it was tough waking up alone and not having someone to get you out of bed every morning. However, having Jonathan, even his cat Pablo has made a home with us, is a blessing I would have never known I deserved or needed. I have found my way back into the body shop business. I have learned from past mistakes and I don’t drink on the job or do any drugs; which is funny to even say considering that should be a give-in with any job. I came back into this industry because I know it pays and I already know the routine it asks for. I have worked at this particular shop for over a year and I have come home crying from stress more than twice but I had Jonathan to catch me as I am falling. However, I find myself drinking just a little bit more every day just to get out of the reality of my current workload. I know though that the harder I work and more accounts I take in the more money I can make, which has paid for the college classes I am currently taking, and the car I am saving up to buy. To keep me from making my past my present I try to keep up a healthy lifestyle with exercise and eating correctly. Running helps create dopamine which creates happy feelings.[3] Although as I’m running I just wonder what it would be like to run away from everything I currently hold dear and never look back; I don’t think I could do that. ________________ [1] Facts & Statistics, Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, 2018, adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics. Accessed 22 Sept 2018 [2] Medline Plus. The American Society of Health-System Pharmacists, Inc., 1 Oct. 2018, medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a682279.html . Accessed 18 Oct. 2018. [3] Healthline. Exercise, Depression, and the Brain, 2016, www.healthline.com/health/depression/exercise. Accessed 17 Nov. 2018.

[amisbro]

Deep Dive:  The subplot of the UtaPri Anime NO ONE talks about

(God Damn that’s a long title...am I writing a Light Novel?) ANYWAYS (Yes already with the snark...hello @baku5ds) Welcome everyone to a brand new edition of “Deep Dive” where we take a look at things that have happened in Animes and other media and we TRY to find out if there was some other meaning to things that happened...or if there is a possibility that I am just overthinking things Today’s topic is a subplot that I don’t think anyone has ever discussed in the Anime of Uta no Prince-Sama (henceforth known as “UtaPri”) and I thought *Let’s discuss this!* So for this post we are discussing one of UtaPri’s greatest subplots that appeared to go over EVERYONE’S HEAD (including mine) and we’re gonna go over it now! Ladies and Gents...we’re talking about Shining Saotome ,STARISH and HEAVENS! LET’S GO

Alright before we get too far in let’s explain WHY we are talking about this EVERYONE in the UtaPri fandom has always said either one of the following (if not both things) “The UtaPri Anime was all about STARISH’s story” OR “HEAVENS’ role was to make STARISH better” The thing is there was one thing that became interestingly apparent since even the end of Series 1 and then became more clear as we started to move forward was there was some weird motive going on with Shining behind the scenes that made for a very interesting time.  Here is how it started In the end of Series 1 (it was episode 12 I do believe) Shining told the other 5 members at the time that the only way he would allow all of them to be a part of a “group” was if Tokiya got back in time...now he did so STARISH was allowed to form right?  Well not quite yet See Shining had a nasty trick up his sleeve Shining decided it would be a good idea to tell them that ,in order for them to debut, they had to ditch Nanami (whom up to this point had been around them all series.  STARISH protested but it was Shining’s word that was law so they were going to have to deal with it UNLESS Haruka could write something better than the “God of Composing” which SPOILER...we never met (all we got to find out was it was a man and that’s it). So now Nanami runs away and goes back to live with her grandmom (and I loved Granny Nanami as a character...I don’t think they allowed her to be at the SSS though which annoyed me) and then STARISH went and tracked her down (which I was fine with cos they wanted HER to be the composer and I can dig the rebellion.  Its revealed not long after that Shining was just “testing her” and then STARISH got to debut with her as composer So so far we had Shining fucking with STARISH in this sense...was their more to come? Oh yeah and Series two was going to be the start of something very telling when it came to Shining and even moreso the relationship he had with at least one of his instructors in my main man Ryuuga-Sensei but more on this later When Season 2 starts we are introduced to new cast members in the QUARTET NIGHT and they are to be the “Seniors” for STARISH whom kind of scoff at the idea.  This later comes back to bite them (even if the writers don’t do a good job of explaining it) but for now its QN and STARISH under the same roof...but what’s the deal with Shining? Shining finds out that STARISH refused the mentorship of the 4 new cast but is “kind of” okay with it.  Its later announced that they (STARISH) would be going for the “UtaPri Award” and you would be left to wonder if its going to be against QN or some group that would be made up for STARISH to truck over (because my belief is that if it HAD been QN there would have been a different outcome). Now everything is pretty tame and everyone is going on relatively “Drama Free” until we get to the 6th episode of the season in “Orange Rhapsody”.  THIS was the first episode that made me start to wonder what was going on in Shining’s head after the stunt he pulled in Season 1 with Nanami! It was revealed in this episode that he had heard about “a trio of Amateurs” that would take on STARISH at the awards and when he revealed this it was in front of Ryuuga (I’m refraining from using surnames for a reason here...it’ll be clear in a bit) and ,while Ryu-Sensei didn’t flinch here you know he had to be trusting them less and less because of stuff that was going on. (I say this and we have to remember my fave instructor basically demoted Tokiya and threatened to kick Ren out in Season 1...still like him though) Now my question that I had asked myself at this point was this “How does Shining know about this ‘Trio of Amateurs’ and who are they?” Well we don’t get their identity revealed until the 10th episode of the season (”Crystal Time”) and now things get interesting. See around this time Cecil was getting ready to leave to go back to Agnapolis by order of his dad...problem was that he wanted to help STARISH be the best group they could be so he basically begged to come back and he did...now when it comes to the deal with HEAVENS well... Shining (and the man we would come to know as Raging Ootori) make an agreement that the winner of the UtaPri Awards can stay on as a group but the loser has to disband...this part is interesting because both groups had zero say in this (and not long before this STARISH rebelled against Ringo and Ryuuga) so we had a lot going on here and it was going to take time to process...except we didn’t have that much because the UtaPri awards were coming up! So surprise surprise STARISH wins the award and everyone (before the Season 3 announcement) thinks the show is over...the series 3 announcement comes and we find out otherwise but let’s talk about this competition. The idea was that the group that lost goes away for good right?  Okay so then WHY did Shining prevent the disbandment of HEAVENS?  I dunno about everyone when they first saw this but I was very curious about what was going on here because Raging was legit ready to honor the agreement and then Saotome broke it...the hell?! As much as I love Season 2 this ending confuses me for this reason A “Protagonist” usually would honor an agreement put forth and do as was told but an “Antagonist” would find a way to weasel out of it.  Someone tell me how Shining ,despite being the President of the “Protagonist company”, isn’t an Antag here when he deliberately broke the agreement and then STARISH backed it?  I dunno why but I forever find this confusing. Oh but the Shining/HEAVENS connection was going to start to get even more confusing. See come Season 3 we had more stuff with Shining and Ryuuga in the car when the issue over “Code:  T.V.U.” broke out (and again another Ren episode).  The thing was here was that Ryuuga was wondering if Shining had something planned for STARISH and when Shining didn’t say ANYTHING that gave him all the intel he needed...but he just didn’t know WHAT! So now fast forward to the end of Season 3 and what do we see? HEAVENS (whom was a trio in Season 2 and now 7 members in Season 3) AND Shining and Raging standing atop the Shining Tower together as if they were in on this the whole time! Aight...this are STARTING to come into the picture here So now we know that Shining and Raging were halfass working together.  I say “halfass” cos the reality was that with Season 4 we come to find out that it would appear all the episodes at least STARTED in the Raging Entertainment office! THEN we talk about the “Three episodes from hell” (or more specifically “NEXT DOOR”) The things that forever puzzled me about the episode Eiichi claimed that Shining gave him permission for the training camp.  IF we go under the assumption that Shining has had an interest in HEAVENS this whole time then that makes sense that he would give the Leader the “go ahead” for doing this kind of thing with Otoya...makes sense to me. Now...the report It can be speculated that Eiichi “invaded” the privacy of Otoya to get what he wanted out of him.  I still don’t think that is the case and its been almost two years since the episode. I’m still thinking that Shining gave him whatever he needed (which if we again go by him having an interest in HEAVENS this makes sense) but Shining didn’t know what the result was going to be. NOW...once we got out of that mess what would Shining’s next point of interest be with HEAVENS? The SSS! Remember that in Episode 11 STARISH delivered their song from Nanami (and shocker of shocker NANAMI couldn’t be there..was still curious was they kept Nanami from HEAVENS for a good portion of the season) and around episode 12 HEAVENS made their triumphant reappearance at the re-election (with an assist from QN of all groups) and then despite losing was asked by STARISH of all groups to assist with a song. Okay this part puzzled me but the more you think about Saotome and his weird connection with HEAVENS this is gonna kind of make sense because when they were getting ready to do it Raging was going to stop them...then SHINING showed up and prevented him from leaving! Plot hole Why did Shining Stop Raging from going to get HEAVENS at this point in time...they lost again to STARISH so him getting them and pulling them off the stage would make sense right? Here is like the point of all of this It seemed whenever STARISH was going to do something Shining put up a roadblock to try and keep them from appearing Like in Season 1 it was “Either you do it without Nanami or you don’t do it at all” Season 2 was “If Cecil doesn’t come back before I get on this copter and leave you aren’t going to do the award show Season 3 was “I dunno if I want you to do the SSS election” but got backed into it by QN whom then turned on STARISH Season 4 was the only season that really HE didn’t do it...it was an accident by Eiichi but it was Raging’s idea in the FIRST PLACE! YET When it comes to HEAVENS Shining S2 Prevented HEAVENS from disbanding despite the conditions in the agreement S3 Was with Raging after HEAVENS reappeared as a 7 member group S4 Prevented Raging from going to pull HEAVENS during the final song of the season Have you noticed something herte:  Shining seems VERY INTERESTED in HEAVENS for some reason and yet oddly DIDN’T say “They had enough of your abuse...they’re coming with ME now!” And I legit wondered why...still do honestly. There is a part of me that wondered THIS So we got this new movie and now we have the different members in units now and HEAVENS have AT MINIMUM 1 with a STARISH member but also a QN member (some have 2 HEAVENS because of QN having only 4 members). NOW...this makes me wonder this Its known that Shining now has a big interest in them AND its known that he PROBABLY KNOWS that Raging tried to recruit Tokiya.  I DON’T THINK its out of the realm of possibility now that he (Shining) is going to try and and get HEAVENS away from Raging but he’s waiting till this next concert.  He PROBABLY also wants to see how the HEAVENS members work with QN (R.I.P Eiji and Shion...more the former TBH) and if he gets the results he wants...HEAVENS will NEVER go back to Raging ever again! Now WILL this happen?  Hard to say cos its going to be hard to see what goes on with HEAVENS in the movie and then after.  If Broc is complete morons then they will ax HEAVENS after this BUT we will have to wait and see because we got a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait until then and now the clock starts for the QN single and then we find out about HEAVENS’ HOLY SHIT THIS WAS LONG...okay I think we are done for now but you might see me back later with something a bit more lighthearted...give me a few hours Until then my friends do take care and Good Day Good Night Good BYE!

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2012) Part II

After the explosion of new characters introduced in 2011′s list, this year’s list is a bit more calm. Returning for the last time is Dark Knight Rises, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, and Men in Black 3. We also get a fresh new face for The Amazing Spider-Man and a prequel of sorts in Prometheus. This year also debuts The Avengers, Marvel’s mega blockbuster. Without further ado, here’s #42-21!

*SPOILERS FOR ALL THE HIGHLIGHTED MOVIES ABOVE*

42. Colonel James Darrel Edwards Jr. (Men in Black 3)

At first Colonel Edwards just seemed like a military officer who ended up coming through and helping our agents save the world from a ridiculous alien man. The twist was showed after he ended up dying however, something that was hinted by Griffin the entire time. He's Agent J's dad! Who knew Agent J would be able to reunite with his father even after his death.

41. Erik Selvigg (The Avengers)

We saw at the end of Thor that poor Erik was being possessed by Loki the entire time he was working with SHIELD. So it's no surprise when he helps Loki gain control over the tesseract and then help it create a portal that would allow the invasion of an entire alien army in the middle of New York City. Luckily, even a mind controlled Erik created a way to close the portal, which the Avengers were able to do at the last second.

40. Roarke/Mephistopheles (Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance)

The devil is back disguised as another man and ripping off even more people with the promise of something great in return for their souls, and then going back on his promise as soon as he get what he wants. This time he manages to convince a woman to carry his demon child so that he could posses the kid and take over the world. Of course Ghost Rider shows up to stop everything before he really does any damage, just like last time.

39. John Daggert and Philip Stryver (The Dark Knight Rises)

There's always got to be someone working at Wayne Enterprises that wants to take everything from Bruce and take over the company. John Daggert, with the help of his assistant, kinda ends up doing just that by hiring Bane to get Bruce's prints to mess with the company and get Bruce to lose all his fortune. However, he DID hire Bane, who of course betrayed him in favor of starting his new world order and killed him. His assistant, Phillip, doesn't get off the hook. He gets sentenced to exile by Scarecrow and is forced to walk on the frozen waters surrounding Gotham City. They're not too frozen and with one wrong step, Phillip sinks to his death.

38. Peter Foley (The Dark Knight Rises)

After Gordon starts losing popularity with the Mayor, Foley decides he's going to try to take Gordon's job from under him. He does this by doing whatever he can to catch the Batman and also ignores all the warnings Gordon and Blake tried to give him about Bane's army hiding in the sewers. He doesn't listen, and when Bane takes over Gotham he goes in hiding until Gordon calls him out. He participates in the final confrontation against Bane's men, but dies when Talia orders her driver to shoot him down.

37. Fifield and Millburn (Prometheus)

Even though I didn't care for Millburn, I was kinda rooting for Fifield. He's the only one in the entire team that just doesn't like the idea of finding the Engineers at all. He knew better than to mess with things he didn't understand but his mistake was traveling with Millburn, who ends up messing with an cobra-like alien. Of course said alien ends up attacking them but when Fifield tries to cut Millburn loose, the aliens blood burns through his mask. The alien then goes inside Millburn's suit and enters his body through his mouth! The next time we see Millburn he's dead but Fifield ends up showing up as an infected psychopath and ends up killing most of the crew in a blind rage before he's taken down.

36. Peter Weyland (Prometheus)

Weyland is the old rich guy who's company is funding the entire expedition because he wants to secretly join the group and hopefully find a way to stay alive forever. Even though the guy looks like he's seconds from dying, he manages to somehow walk his old ass to the crashed ship to speak with an Engineer, but nothing goes as planned as the Engineer beats him to death as soon as he wakes up.

35. Moreau (Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance)

Even though Moreau was the only likable character in this god forsaken movie for me, it just wasn't enough to save it. He pops in every now and then as an ally to Ghost Rider and Danny and he even has the ability to change Ghost Rider into a blue flamed spirit but of course he dies after that so I guess thanks for the assist, Moreau.

34. Chance and Ravel (Prometheus)

The two pilots under Janek and were probably the most loyal members on the crew. They never got out to explore the dangerous new planet they landed on so they pretty much stayed out of harms way until the very end. When Janek must sacrifice himself to crash  the ship into the one controlled by the Engineer, Chance and Ravel elect to stay behind and help him.

33. Maria Hill (The Avengers)

Maria Hill is a SHIELD agent that's mostly seen side by side with Nick Fury. Even though it was pretty easy to forget her when she's surrounded by billionaires, super soldiers, and Norse Gods, she does have some pretty cool moments that proves she is not someone to mess with.

32. Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider (Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance)

I'm just gonna say it, Nicholas Cage frustrates me as an actor. There have been so many times where he makes me cringe and I feel like I'm the only one who feels that way. Even though his weirdness sorta kinda worked for the first Ghost Rider, it was the complete opposite for this one. It was just so bad. His ridiculous screaming was just the cherry on top to this once-decent character that is now absolute trash.

31. Lucius Fox (The Dark Knight Rises)

Unlike the last two films, Lucius doesn't get to show off some awesome new gadgets for Batman because he's busy running around trying to make sure Bruce's company doesn't end up in the wrong hands. Of course, none of that matters once Bane takes over the city and Lucius is spent mostly as one of the hostages the freed prisoners have recently taken. He plays a big role in trying to stop the reactor core and afterwards takes over the business after Bruce's supposed dead.

30. Griffin (Men in Black 3)

Griffin was fun to watch and he really showed a different side to someone who is clairvoyant. Throughout the entire movie we watch as he sees every single outcome that could happen, some even have drastic differences based on the if Agent J drank chocolate milk or not. Despite all this, he knows that SOMEONE has to die when stopping Boris, something he just can't bring himself to watch. Ending with him in the diner was a bit weird, but this was a weird movie.

29. The Engineers (Prometheus)

From the beginning we knew that the Engineers were a big deal. Not only were they thought to be the creators of the human race, but they were also the creators of the alien virus meant to destroy them. The Engineers tasked with releasing it accidentally set it loose on themselves though and ended up dying out. Except for one. This last Engineer is in a cryo sleep until Weyland's team wake him up. They think he's going to have all the answers, but he ends up just killing most of them. He's only stopped when Shaw releases her overgrown alien baby on him, which is revealed to be a super-sized face hugger. Through this Engineer we see the birth of the first alien as it rips out of his chest, but thank goodness it's on a planet all by itself.

28. Miranda Tate/Talia al Ghul (The Dark Knight Rises)

If you read the comics you wouldn't be surprised when its learned that Ra's al Ghul's child isn't actually Bane, but Talia al Ghul. It did take me a little longer to figure out that Talia was, in fact, Miranda Tate, Bruce's business partner that he was trusting with the energy core. I thought her little plan of revenge was a bit much just because it didn't even seem like she had a relationship with Ra's anyway, so why was it a big deal that Batman killed him to protect a city of millions? Unlike the comics she isn't as deadly physically and is really only a good schemer so when her plan went to waste, she died pretty easy.

27. Agent K (Men in Black 3)

Boris the Animal goes back in time to change one thing, and that's Agent K. With him dead there's no one stopping him from having his alien creatures invade Earth. It's also why Agent J goes back in time to help save younger Agent K. This younger version is similar to the agent we know but also a lot different. They're both share their deadpan faces but Agent K actually has no problem opening up to Agent J as opposed to the older version who always changes and/or ignores the subject. With the help of J, his father, and Griffin, Agent K is able to change history back to normal and save the planet.

26. Clint Barton/Hawkeye (The Avengers)

Out of all the Avengers that were featured, Hawkeye was the one that came out with the short stick. For most of the movie he was under Loki's control, and even though he is extremely talented with his bow and arrow, most of the time it felt like he was just a nuisance. Once Black Widow knocked some sense back into him, he joined the other Avengers in fighting off Loki's army. But the problem with being a skilled archer is that eventually you're gonna run out of arrows. Luckily the others were able to defeat Loki before things got really bad for Hawkeye.

25. Meredith Vickers (Prometheus)

So the whole movie I thought Meredith was on board because she had a really twisted evil plan, but her motivation was pretty simple. She wanted the crew to fail so Weyland could finally die and she could take over the company. Knowing that, it makes perfect sense as to why she did not hesitate to burn Holloway, because she wasn't risking anything that would kill her. The entire time she was doing everything she could to save herself. Too bad she just didn't roll to the side before getting crushed by that falling ship.

24. Charlie Holloway (Prometheus)

So Charlie got screwed over because he kept making fun of David, not knowing the robot dude was already plotting on him and gave him the final push to infect his ass. I'm honestly not sure if anything different would've happen if he treated David with a little decency but he didn't and the virus quickly spread. Charlie did have enough time to get it on with Shaw the night before the virus really started kicking in, which ends up spelling bad news for Shaw. When the team tries to help him, Charlie knows whatever it is he's infected with isn't going to stop so he allows Vickers to burn him alive.

23. Agent J (Men in Black 3)

Agent J tackles the biggest mission of his life: going back in time to stop some ridiculous looking alien from killing Agent K. Agent J is a comedian so watching him interact with the past, where Andy Warhol parties were a huge thing and where Agent K was a lot more loose about his personal life was funny to watch, but things got pretty real. He had to deal with an even worse case racial profiling with police and he had to watch how his dad's death came to be. But still, the sweetest thing was him getting to see that the first person to comfort him was Agent K.

22. Janek (Prometheus)

I really liked Janek but like, everyone on the ship liked Janek. Even Vickers liked him and she hated everyone. He was someone that just liked flying his ship in space, he didn't care about meeting his creators or anything like that because he didn't care about the validation. He's a simple man but he still has no problem doing what he needs to do to save Earth. So when Shaw mentions that an Engineer is flying off to destroy his entire planet, he bravely sacrifices himself and crashes his ship into the Engineers.

21. David (Prometheus)

I knew something was up with David. It's just a bad combination to put a robot who is starting to develop curiosity about his own life and whether or not he has meaning mixed with a bunch of crewman who treat him like shit. You know what that equals? Him plotting their demise. Like he really infected Charlie just to see what would happen. Luckily he was taken out of the game early when the lone surviving Engineer ripped his head off, but since he's a robot he didn't die and he convinces Shaw to take him with her when she leaves.

[mightbedamian]

#TMIishTuesday #56 - The Social Democrats are a lie! - On the discussion of same-sex marriage in Germany

Hey, No pre-things to say - enjoy this week's #TMIishTuesday. Well… "Enjoy" is probably not the right expression with this topic in mind. But nonetheless: I hope you like the post. Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #56 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and on what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I told you how I felt growing up thin and rather small. The post focuses on how my peers reacted to that - and how they made me feel. Click the link above, if you haven't read it, yet. // A couple walks up to the civil registry office. The marriage registrar says: "Excuse me, you are men." and… No punch line. Reality. This translation of a tweet by @politischernate is a pretty accurate description of a situation that could arise any given day in any given German registry office. Sad reality. I already addressed the topic of same-sex marriage in Germany in previous posts (e. g. the Letter to Society and - shortly in my comparison between the Dutch and German cultures). But nothing has changed. So why should I bring it up again? Because f*ing nothing has changed! And that feels just surreal! Absolutely ridiculous! It's nothing short of a political disgrace! How can a country as progressive as Germany be behind so much on an equal rights issue? HOW ON EARTH can some ignorant little a*holes in parliament play god? Think that is exaggerated? Let me show you what happens and has been happening! 1. The German population wants marriage equality - for years and years For years and years there have been polls by many different pollsters. The outcome has always been the same: The vast majority of Germans are in favour of same-sex marriage and equal rights, e.g. adoption rights. The most recent survey I found sees 75 % of respondents pro same-sex marriage. 2. Parliament is pro marriage equality With the rather-left parties (the Left, the Greens and the Social Democrats) more than half of parliament are in favour. Most of the Christian Democratic Union and the Christian Social Union (the two parties form one grouping in parliament, hence I will refer to them as the "Union" from here on) are still opposing, but that shouldn't matter. You got your 50 %. That's what counts. 3. Party discipline But if you thought this would do the trick, you're wrong. Cause why should a democracy be bound by democratic principles, right? Why should parliament take a decision that the majority of MPs appreciate? That would be… That would… No! That would be democratic! We certainly can't do that!! Instead let's pretend we are the f*ing rulers of the world! Oh and let's make our country less progressive than South Africa, Brasil, Uruguay, Mexico, and the like. That makes so much sense, right!? Okay, party discipline. A very simple concept: If the majority of the party in parliament holds a certain opinion, the rest of that party will vote for this opinion as well. Prohibited by constitution in Germany - as in most democratic countries. Still it widely exists and is carried out. How?! 4. Dealing The coalition of the Union and the Social Democrats are governing. And how this coalition works - given the two rather different approaches of both parties (with the Union being rather "right" and the Social Democrats being rather "left") - is by dealing. “You get this, if we get this, okay?” Remember when you and your childhood friend were 4 and he would let you borrow his cool toy truck, if you gave him your toy dinosaur? But the deal was only valid until one of you had enough of that toy and handed it back? That's exactly how this coalition works! The Social Democrats got their minimum wage, the Union got their child care subsidy. Both parties were very happy with one of these - and took the other one cause it was part of the deal. With same-sex marriage, however, there's a problem. Well… It's not a problem to the coalition it seems. But to the 75 % of Germans mentioned above. The Social Democrats told us they were pro marriage equality. And they really wanted to fight to implement it. That was back in 2013. When they were campaigning. But since it apparently was not too important of a topic for them, they dropped it when agreeing on goals with the Union when fixing their coalition. Instead we got a mere sentence in the agreement. It says: "We will eliminate legal hurdles discriminating same-sex civil partnerships", but, quite frankly: That's vague af! Also, (not so) fun fact: We're approaching the end of this election period and there are still hundreds of laws in place that discriminate against same-sex couples. 5. The incredible farce of the Social Democrats Yepp, you guessed it: I'm not happy with what the Social Democrats are doing with their political power. I used to be quite a supporter of them. I gave one of my two votes to them in the last elections of parliament. But I feel let down. Running the 2013 campaign saying "100 % equality only with us!" is a strong promise, yes. And I was aware that it might not be possible to achieve that 100 %. I totally get that, when you are in a coalition with the Union, it's not exactly the easiest topic to address. But: If you make such a strong statement - and if you decide to make it one of your core principles your campaign is about - I expect that you at least fight for it over the next election period! It might be a little harsh of me, but I'll say it like I feel it anyway: What the Social Democrats did regarding same-sex marriage is fraud! During their campaign they pinky-promised that they would fight for equal rights and marriage equality. Not even a month later, the coalition agreement was signed. And they had completely given in to the Union's request. The Social Democrats opted to live the Stone Age-like life instead of being the paving stone to what might have been historic. And this is where things get really hypocritical: The Social Democrats realised they messed up just now. Five months before the election. They had 4 years to make the change. And they didn't. They left the Union in peace. Instead of insisting to put the topic on the agenda, they - jointly with the Union - voted to not discuss it. Not 1 parliamentary week. Not 2 parliamentary weeks. Not 5 parliamentary weeks. Not 10 parliamentary weeks. Not 30 parliamentary weeks. 49 !!! parliamentary weeks! And bear in mind that parliament only has meetings in one of two weeks every time! And that there is such a thing as the summer break as well. All in all the oh-so-social Democrats voted to push the topic off the agenda f*ing 11 times! And now? Now all of a sudden they tell the Union: "Let's hurry! We need to make it happen!" Or… Well… They told them a month ago. By now - after the Union was like: "Why now? We don't have enough time left before the elections? Oh, and we need the constitution to change [which is total bullshit! Marriage is not defined in the constitution. It only says: “Marriage and family” are under special protection of the state (GG, Art. 6 (1))]. That's gonna take some time. Let's just… wait?" …by now the Social Democrats have changed their mind. Again. Now they say: "If we don't achieve same-sex marriage in this election period, we'll definitely make it happen in the next one."

Like… WOW! Thanks for nothing! Also: You are aware that not mentioning a strict deadline means you're gonna end up in March/April of 2021, trying to push the topic over the finish line once again? If - and that's IF - there's still a majority in favour then. It looks like the AfD will be featured in parliament quite prominently after the election. They are even more opposing of same-sex marriage than the Union. You don't want that to happen when pushing for same-sex marriage. Also: Sorry? But it was one of your core principles of your past campaign. And you committed fraud to that promise 11 times! YOU had the change to make it happen for FOUR years! YOU chose not to do it! If you were not completely OUT OF YOUR MIND, you would not declare marriage equality your goal for the next election period. DON'T YOU SEE? That just makes you look STUPID as FUCK! The chance to change was there. It was served to you on a silver platter. The opposition parties - the Greens and the Left - did ALL the work for you! They prepared a very detailed, very well-thought of proposal to change the law. All you had to do was NOD YOUR HEAD. That would have made it pass and become law. The Bundesrat didn't even have to approve anymore - after all that was the chamber in which the Greens and the Left proposed the law change. And the majority of the Bundesrat had already approved of the changes. But you did NOT nod your head. And to be honest, you denied yourself the chance. Simply by following the bad example of the oh-so-mighty Union - and putting it off the agenda, and putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off… 11 f*ing times! But, okay. At least you realised you missed something over the last few years. But WHAT THE FUCK are you doing now!?? If I realise I did something bad, I apologise and do everything I can to change things. As quickly as possible. But not the Social Democrats! They proposed their OWN law change last week. Why? No one knows! Probably so they can say "Haha! It was US who brought to you same-sex marriage!". In ten years time this might actually be very handy. However… talking of 10 years ahead: If you ask me, the Social Democrats might be redundant in 10 years time, if they proceed to do politics the way they do at the moment. Schulz might be a good candidate. And tbh, I quite like him as a person. But that won't make me vote for them. They really disappointed me over the last couple years. And I feel that, if they don't change their "oh, the Union is so powerful, we are so helpless" policy, a lot of others will feel the same. For me this story just shows one thing: They do not deserve my vote! Full stop. If you really want to work towards equal rights, why don't you sign this petition for same-sex marriage in Germany? If you do, tweet me, or tell me on another social media. I wanna know who are with me! Before I go, tell me your thoughts on same-sex marriage (in Germany and elsewhere) and your opinion on the behaviour of the Social Democrats. I wanna know! Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. Queer Shoutout you say? You know that I adore Troye Sivan and his music. Now it has been announced that he'll be rewarded with the GLAAD award for his promotion of equality and acceptance. He'll be the youngest recipient ever. Well deserved, if you ask me! He speaks up so much for equal rights and knows how to use his platform. Well done, Troye! Keep going! As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: - Link by politischernate: https://twitter.com/politischernate/status/832622707254534146 - Zeit: Umfrage: Mehrheit der Deutschen für "Ehe für alle":http://www.zeit.de/news/2017-04/02/gesellschaft-umfrage-mehrheit-der-deutschen-fuer-ehe-fuer-alle-02023803 - Dennis Klein and Micha Schulze for queer.de: Keine Ehe für alle: Merkel lässt Schulz abblitzen: http://www.queer.de/detail.php?article_id=28537 - Grundgesetz, Art. 6: https://www.gesetze-im-internet.de/gg/art_6.html - Robert Klages for tagesspiegel.de: Gleichgeschlechtliche Ehen: Entscheidung über "Ehe für Alle" zum elften Mal aufgeschoben: http://www.tagesspiegel.de/berlin/queerspiegel/gleichgeschlechtliche-ehen-entscheidung-ueber-ehe-fuer-alle-zum-elften-mal-aufgeschoben/13683888.html - Campact Petition zur Öffnung der Ehe: https://www.campact.de/gleichstellung/appell/teilnehmen/ - Jackie Willis for etonline.com:  EXCLUSIVE: Troye Sivan to Become Youngest Recipient of GLAAD's Stephen F. Kolzak Award: http://www.etonline.com/awards/213909_troye_sivan_to_become_youngest_recipient_of_stephen_f_kolzak_award_at_glaad_awards/

Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/158934445048/tmiishtuesday-55-have-you-always-been-that - My Letter to society: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/152304851890/tmi-ishtuesday-33-a-letter-to-society - My comparison between the Dutch and the German culture: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/151988181967/tmi-ish-tuesday-32-cultural-differences-between - All #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on random topics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/me - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com