#and are simply engaging each other in the belief that the other is the kind whose hobby is being an asshole of some kind

[honestlyvan]

Also, like, as someone who's adjacent to a lot of reactionary communities, I keep wishing there was more conversations on Tumblr about not just trolling, but also a) about how some people's hobby is to make other people miserable, to hate on things because other people like them and b) about how some people's hobby is harassing other people, and c) about how these are not necessarily overlapping taxa of internet dipshit, and how you have to take different approaches with them to actually get them to leave you alone.

[pawberri]

The key problem with "proship vs anti" discourse is that the most extreme versions of each side, the ones who actually bother to identify with these labels, accepted each others worst takes as arguments they had to debate. "Fiction =/= reality" is, in practice, an absurdly reductionist, anti-intellectual, thought-terminating-cliche that dictates we can learn nothing about a person via art and that their fiction reflects no political or moral messaging worthy of critique. In response to this, the "puriteens" who are too young to possibly hope to articulate their discomfort, to untangle their position from what is often real trauma experienced online, simply argue "yes, fiction influences and reflects reality in a 1 to 1 capacity." They, and people who want to use the groundwork they laid to make bad-faith callouts, make bad arguments about how the action of engaging in problematic fiction is on equal ground to real life abuse, or is a clear indicator of interest in real life abuse. Both of these arguments are terrible, but each side seems to radicalize the other further and further into their own brands of anti-intellectual reactionary belief. "Proshippers" become libertarian absolutists about free speech and view all transgression as righteous and alternative and therefore leftist. They gain a reactionary nostalgia for the past, desiring a time when people didn't seem to care about the implications of art. "Antis" become authoritarian and hypervigilant for signs of moral decay, at their worst, willing to align themselves with government bodies that offer carceral solutions to the debate. They are willing to use harassment as a tool of punishment, which then leads to false accusations and a fear of openness that puts people at risk of being triggered via obfuscation. (That said, proshippers also take part in plenty of harassment.)

I will say that I believe both of these movements are equally sensitive to co-opting by right-wing forces. We see the authoritarian tendencies of anti culture in harassment campaigns and even the way Republican law makers co-opt "grooming." The proship/fic crowd has such extreme nostalgia for the past that I often see people align themselves with the cultures of 4chan or other happily right-wing websites. They so heavily reject the idea that a drawn sexual depiction of a child could reflect any desire that they are disinterested in analyzing what the motivation behind the depiction is. i.e If we track the history of lolicon in Japan we do find that is, yes, countercultural, but that counter culture is right wing, very misogynistic, and defensive of patriarchial Japanese culture as it is and was including its culture around rape and abuse. Plenty of fictional content works as radicalization material, and radicalization material needs to be ambiguous. There is a valid reason to be hesitant to trust people who consume this content, even if I do not believe most of them will ever be dangerous towards children. The mere presence of sexuality is not enough to make a movement left wing. This kind of thing can again be seen in right-wing libertarian movements in the US. (And even leftist movements can be bigoted and even "pro-pedophilia" or otherwise disinterested in social reform around abuse.)

Is all content with elements of age-play this way? No. But to me, that is why kink media deserves to be treated as art and analyzed, critiqued, treated seriously. It doesn't have to do anything to anyone to be worthy of a moral critique. Said moral critique just doesn't warrant harassment and cruelty and reactionary exaggerations of the person consuming said content.

Anyway, what's my point in saying all this? I don't know. I'm just begging you to tag your God damn content with specific tags instead of random and nebulous shit like "dead dove" or "dark content", and also begging you to stop harassing people who do tag their content so I don't have to guess what "dead dove" and "dark content" mean. No one will erase incest kink fics or people who feel sickened by the idea of them off this earth because we aren't god, but we could at least all be responsible about tagging, flagging, and age-gating our stuff.

[s0lemnhypn0s]

(Warning for this post I'm half asleep so I might be incoherent or have disjointed topics. Bare with me, I'm trying to express my thoughts the best I can.)

(and WARNING! i discuss personal paranoias at one point during this, which include the topic of bugs and self harm)

"Billford is ironic we're shipping them ironically" "We don't actually want to see them together" "We don't think theyre a good pair" "its irreconciliably abusive" "its one sided"

ok I'm gonna put forward a take that might be poorly recieved: I think you all are misunderstanding Billford (And each character individually) and just reducing it to "bill abused ford" takes away so much of what makes their dynamic fascinating. And also claiming "Erm its a bit" while engaging in something you "recognize" as abuse only does a disservice to the topic of abuse and how it relates to the mentally ill (I will get into that later). You are treating the relationship as a joke and only acknowledging the abusive aspects when people come at you is just pretty scummy of you. Speaking as someone who experienced a near identical abusive relationship, where my paranoia was preyed upon, causing me to still suffer from the paranoia of being watched by them or that my abuser will eventually send someone after me.

In general, the existence of abuse is a complicated one and abuse is not a catch all, end all term. Not all abuse is built the same. Billford is undeniably abusive, but there is not a period after "abusive", are you picking up what I'm putting down. It's not just "Bill was exerting power over Ford and thats it"

Lets start with: We all recognize Ford is paranoid, but we don't seem to recognize Bill as paranoid in the exact same way, dare I say - Even more paranoid than Ford. I mean, ford got his "Trust no one" quote from Bill directly saying his rule of thumb for trusting people is to just trust no one. He doesn't trust others - He simply doesn't. And this is part of where Bill Cipher's manipulation of SPECIFICALLY Ford comes in.

Now I am going to speak from a personal anecdote of my experience with paranoia and delusions - Me, I will try to "safeguard" against my every little fear and belief that something will, undoubtedly, undeniably, be out to hurt me, and these safeguards are often extreme in nature. They don't make sense to the people around me, but they make sense to me. Sometimes they hurt the people around me. Sometimes, they hurt me. I believe this is the same with Bill Cipher himself. He is taking measures to make sure his worst fears do not come to pass. And because Bill is decidedly not human, only interacts with humans when he deems neccesary, those measures often take the form of something even more extreme than, idk, me shaving my head because I thought bug eggs were in my hair or trying to cut open my skin because I thought something was living in it. They take the form of something abusive (Which is also just... Something that happens with the mentally ill sometimes. I see you guys trying to separate our mental illness from our actions and claim "thats not making you do that". I see you.). Him trying to guard himself from something so terrible(facetious) as Ford's percieved betrayal ultimately becomes a self fufilling prophecy.

Not to mention, if you guys didn't notice. Bill without a doubt projects his own insecurities onto Ford. "I make you feel important" Ford makes Bill feel important. "No one loves you" He was ostracized in his dimension. "Who will miss you" He destroyed his entire home, nobody would mourn Bill, because they were all gone, long gone. "I'm sending someone to steal your eyes" Might be a stretch, but I look towards the silly straw poem "A different kind of eye doctor, who wants to make his patient blind" Obviously the use of "blind" here is metaphorical, but I feel its still in some ways applicable.

Bill very evidently experienced medical abuse and ostracization in Euclydia, something exceedingly common for those labeled as mad. (Which also brings me to the topic of people saying "I'm so glad they didn't make Bill a sympathetic villain in the book of bill" bc. Hi. I'm a guy thats experienced ostracization and medical staff forcibly medicating me in order to fix me. I think he is sympathetic actually). Not only that, Bill Cipher had a trillion years to fester in his resentment and his guilt, and you think that like. Didn't effect him at all. I really and truly beg to disagree.

Not only that: I think Bill felt a kinship with Ford. Ford was ostracized, he was betrayed by the world (and "betrayed" by his brother), he was regarded as a freak for what he was born with, just as Bill was regarded as a freak for his mutation in Euclydia. Bill thought Ford was just like him. Bill thought Ford would understand him, and furthermore would jump at the opportunity to burn the world down with him. And. to his credit. Ford does, in some capacity, understand him. As much as Ford could understand, with Bills lies within lies. Bill craves the intimacy and fears the touch. He uses fear to get Ford to love him, not only because he thinks it will safeguard him from what he fears most, but likely because it is all he knows, all he was taught. Love through fear. Our love is painful, but we only want to help. Pain in love is natural. It's right. It will only hurt a little. This is how you know we love you. He was shocked when Ford rejected him. He thought he did everything right. He had everything planned, for them to be together for eternity.

And bare in mind also that - Bill. Most evidently. Views himself as a monster. When Ford asks about what happened to his dimension, who destroyed it - Bill responds "A monster.", he says "Sixer, it would eat you alive" when Ford offers to help hunt it down. He lets his mask of jovial, mysterious mischief drop just slightly, and we understand just a little bit more of how he feels about the euclidean massacre, how he understands himself through his actions. And what he understands, is that this is just his nature. "I liberated my dimension, Stanford", a lie but not in the way you'd think. He lies, acting like what he did was intentional, as its the only way he could ascribe "reason" to what he did. It couldn't have been an accident. That is just how I am. It wasn't an accident, and I liberated them. (I wish I could go back.) And I come back to the idea of a self fufilling prophecy, because its again- That exactly. Bill decided this was all he could be, he did everything that would make him a "monster" after the accident that caused the euclidean massacre - And so, he was. A sick prognosis that he created and fufilled with his own two hands, he became the monster he and his home dimension envisioned him as.

Abuse is a complicated subject. What Bill did was abuse, yes, but I also distinctly believe it to be a case of abuse between two mentally ill people, one of which is so old, his hate his anger and his regrets, all are ancient and yet so fresh.

I feel another part of the problem is people are taking Bill at face value. Which is exactly what he wants to do because then you dont get at what hes doing all this for and why. You don't get past the exoskeleton to the tender flesh beneath. But stop taking what he says at face value. Read into it more. Analyze the triangle.

Also it might be controversial (hyperbole.) , but I do thing it means /something/ that during Ford's part of the book of bill, where Bill and Ford's relationship is recounted from his perspective, Bill is notably absent, whereas in the rest of the book, he is guiding us through it and constantly maintains a loud presence in it. You could interpret this in a lot of different ways I think, but the way I've chosen to interpret it is as a mix of shame, regret, and an unwillingness to revisit their past together. Perhaps even Bill having enough respect for Ford to not interject his telling of their story together, if you want to get real complicated about it. Paradoxal, if you will.

(Also I find the theraprism to be a most fucked "end" for Bill Cipher due to the medical abuse he experienced as a child. Something something, mad people can never escape the institutions which seek to "fix" them.)

anyway if you read through my mad sleep addled ramblings CONGRATS! i'm probably going to make edits and add to this when I wake up in the morning but i needed to get this out or id forget. billford is abusive but its way more complex than just... abuse. Abuse is a complex subject and it exists on a spectrum, for a lack of better words. and dont twist my words - That isn't saying "this is less bad abuse", this is saying "its complicated and just leaving it at abusive does their relationship a disservice"

[tumblingxelian]

Near Uniquely RWBY - Main Characters

I was chatting with my sibling the other day and we were joking about the fact in 90% of the media I consume I generally don't like the main characters.

Not in the sense I necessarily hate them, but I generally don't find them to be the most interesting, engaging or enjoyable person on screen or page. Instead I tend to gravitate towards secondary or minor characters and even minor antagonists before any of the big names.

Some of this is rooted in my often rooting for what tends to feel more like a real underdog or characters that feel like they got dealt a bad hand by the author unfairly. But its also that in a lot of media the main characters tend to immediately, slowly or quickly go into personality lockdown.

Becoming less a personality and more the embodiment of expected tropes and themes, or they lose their unique edge or circumstances because the plot demands one benefits or personality changes be heaped on them to keep the tone and story going.

Some examples of this would include say:

Ichigo from Bleach, with him and his supporting cast being very unique and super interesting during the initial arc. But as Soul Society came in, he became a much more standard Shounen determinator a the expense of his personality and his supporting casts were largely watered down & left behind.

Or how in Naruto or Dragon Ball the whole underdog/hard worker aspect of the characters felt undercut by legacy power ups and an endless wellspring of natural talent, alien biology, ETC.

I know these are just two examples, but they cover the general gist of what I mean.

So, what makes RWBY different?

Well, off the cuff, is simply that the four main characters are women.

I've often felt simply putting anyone other than a cis-het guy into the main character slot of say, a battle Shounen, or Isekai stands a good chance of making it more interesting by default. Even if the author does nothing with it the audience reaction would be different because the MC would be an exception to the norms.

In that vein, while one can call RWBY some sort of Shounen or adventure fantasy or magical girl show the main four are unique in how they manifest on screen at the very start. From how they participate in action, to how said action is structured and framed and the kind of adventures and topics they tackle.

But being unique alone is not enough, that would simply make it more interesting than the bog standard but what elevates RWBY is the execution and exploration of such elements and its characters.

Going into every aspect would be difficult, but in light of what I said above would be how each of the main four are initially presented as familiar archetypes, only to subvert or deconstruct them.

Ruby is a peppy goth who just wants to be normal but has inborn powers from her mysteriously vanished mother and serves as a beacon of optimism to others.

Except Ruby's version of normal still involved fighting death monsters with a sniper rifle scythe and she is actually one of the more ruthless characters. Her peppy persona obscures that she can have a pretty vicious temper when pushed and has displayed strong bloodknight tendencies.

Her unrelenting optimism and desire to fix the world is a complex mix of true beliefs, coping mechanism for trauma and her grappling with positions forced on her against her will. Her inborn power is potentially useful but also not that much of a game breaker outside specific contexts & said power sure as hell didn't save her mom.

Weiss Schnee is the Tsundere heiress of a powerful family, with a haughty attitude that hides her loneliness.

Except the "Tsundere" is more of a defense mechanism born of coming from an abusive home where every member of her family manifested a different trauma response. Freeze (Mother), flight (Sister), Fight (Weiss) Fawn (Brother).

Despite her upbringing & some projected trauma, she's far from ignorant as to the worst excesses of her nation early on, and her journey was more about overcoming the impacts her abuser had on her and finding a family in her team that let her be safe enough to let down her walls. Also despite being "The ice queen" she's actually one of the characters least inclined towards more ruthless actions and is extremely empathic.

Blake Belladonna is a mysterious and silent rougish woman, something of a shrinking violet even, but she carries with her a wounded heart thanks to her old flame, the edgy Adam Taurus.

Or more accurately, Blake is the daughter of activists and politicians who represent the worlds main discriminated against minority. She spent her youth on the road as a protestor and where even her father could be nearly killed by a lynch mob. She was targeted & groomed by a man who claimed to want to fight the same injustice she did but who was only interested in using the movement to grow his own power.

Her initial aloof-ness was a trauma response to having spent years under his thumb and overcoming him and the idea she had to 'save' him was one of the main corner stone so her character. Also, despite the "Revolutionary fighter" backstory she like Weiss is much less inclined towards ruthlessness than her team in large part because her past experience with it.

Yang Xiao Long, introduced as the fun loving big sister of Ruby & boisterous bruiser of the team who loves to party & flirt.

Except no, Yang was parentified as a child and forced to raise her own sister as their family unit fell apart. Her "Party girl" persona was outright framed as judging a book by its cover in her own trailer and something she put on or took off as she needed.

She became disabled over the course of the series run as well as entered a Sapphic romance with her partner Blake. Unlike the stereotype of characters with her design, Yang is actually an excellent student, fighter and engineer/mechanic. Plus much like her sister she tends to be of the more ruthless and pragmatic persuasion despite being from the "Normal" background.

Character Conclusion

So, all the characters break out of their initial archetypes, which already makes them more interesting. What's more, these sorts of characters just being oput together and made the main characters rather than circling a dude is in of itself unique.

But there are other aspects of the writing which endear me to how it handles the main characters and what keeps them interesting.

Anger & Violence

See, while in various media women do express anger at times it is still often far less so than men. What's more, often women's anger tends to be presented in... Less flattering lights.

With the anger obscuring fragility while in a man it conveys strength. Or implying a sort of hysteria rather than an appropriate or controlled response. Or worst of all being demonized in general unless its rooted in or coming from traditionally feminine places.

The same tends to be true when it comes to violence with a lot of media either trying to find some way to make women in battle less... Brutal than their male counterparts. (More more like fanservice) Along with rarely letting women fight men, unless they are a special exception to the norm.

RWBY does not do this.

The main characters, hell, all the women in the series express a multitude of different forms of anger and violence. They battle men, they battle each other, they battle monsters all with no distinction nor fanservice shot in sight.

What's more though is that said anger and violence are not presented as, for lack of better words, wrong. The writers don't draw overt attention to this fact, they don't hang a big sign up saying "Girls can fight & shout too" or the like.

They just present these women with a range of emotions, motives and actions that are treated according to what fits the theme of the show rather than hewing closer to gendered lines.

This isn't to say anger & violence are lionized, but more that the experience and usage of them is not demonized or undermined because of the characters gender.

I suppose what I am saying is that CRWBY by and large lack double standards when it comes to exploring these things that I see so often in other media. The women in the main cast, among the villains, both sides respective allies and beyond can be flawed, or angry or do both good and terrible things.

But the writers are always treating everyone's pain as equally valid regardless of gender or situation. Which means that the situations that cause anger exist within a tone of respect that forms the depiction and framing of anger itself.

Which is just something I really enjoy.

Thanks for reading!

[coven-of-genesis]

How to incorporate spirituality into your everyday life

Incorporating spirituality into everyday life can bring a sense of purpose, inner peace, and connectedness.

Here are some ways to do it:

1. **Mindfulness and Presence**: Practice being fully present in the moment. This can be through meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a moment to observe your surroundings.

2. **Gratitude Practice**: Reflect on and express gratitude for the blessings in your life. This can be done through journaling or simply taking a moment each day to acknowledge what you're thankful for.

3. **Acts of Kindness**: Perform acts of kindness towards others without expecting anything in return. This can be as simple as offering a kind word, helping someone in need, or volunteering your time.

4. **Reflective Practices**: Engage in activities like journaling, prayer, or contemplation to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you gain insight and connect with your inner self.

5. **Connect with Nature**: Spend time in nature, appreciating its beauty and serenity. This can foster a sense of awe and wonder, helping you feel more connected to the universe.

6. **Engage in Spiritual Study**: Read books, attend lectures, or participate in discussions related to spirituality and personal growth. This can help deepen your understanding and provide new perspectives.

7. **Cultivate Compassion**: Practice compassion and empathy towards yourself and others. Understand that we all have our struggles and challenges.

8. **Set Intentions**: Begin your day with a clear intention, whether it's to be more patient, kind, or focused. This can guide your actions and help you stay aligned with your spiritual goals.

9. **Practice Forgiveness**: Let go of resentment and practice forgiveness, both towards others and yourself. This can free you from negative emotions and promote inner peace.

10. **Engage in Rituals**: Create personal rituals or routines that hold meaning for you. This could be a morning ritual, a bedtime routine, or any practice that helps you feel more grounded.

11. **Community and Connection**: Seek out like-minded individuals or groups who share your spiritual beliefs and values. Connecting with others can provide support and a sense of belonging.

12. **Live in Alignment with Your Values**: Strive to live in a way that aligns with your spiritual beliefs and values. This might involve making conscious choices about your actions, relationships, and lifestyle.

Remember that spirituality is a deeply personal journey, and what resonates with one person may be different for another. It's important to explore and find practices that feel authentic and meaningful to you.

[lieutenantfloyd]

How they react to your arranged marriage — Dune preference

Characters: Gurney Halleck, Feyd-Rautha, Stilgar, Count Rabban.

Warnings: Fluff, insecurity, arranged marriages, mentions of children, cultural differences, very lightly implied age difference

Authors note: Dune and the arranged marriage trope go together better than milk and cookies

Gurney Halleck: When he’s informed of your arrangement, he’d be more confused than anything. In his mind, he’s an old man past his prime with no need for a spouse. Gurney would have questions, but he ultimately wouldn’t put up much of a fight. Instead he’d accept the union, but he keeps you at an arms length. It’s in his nature to ensure your health and safety, and it’s through these actions that Gurney begins to truly fall for you. Perhaps you return his caring gestures or ask that he trains you to protect yourself—but it’s after he notices that you truly do trust and rely on him that he makes his feelings known.

Feyd-Rautha: When he’s informed of your arrangement, Feyd-Rautha shocks everyone by putting up no protest. Instead, he begins thinking about how positively this will affect his reputation along with all the things you both will learn from each other. Regardless of your status as a fighter, Feyd would be delighted to be the person to put a blade in your hand or to finally have a worthy opponent. He’s also just as interested in whatever it is you are passionate about, regardless of his familiarity or skill level. Despite the circumstances, you both are equally excited to have some to engage in your various hobbies with, and a love forms easily between you. With the time you spent together laying the groundwork, it isn’t long before you accompany each other in other aspects of your daily life. Given what you knew about him before taking his hand, you’re outright shocked at how willing Feyd is to forge an actual relationship with you. As such, you’re just as shocked at how openly affectionate he is from the moment his feelings appear.

Stilgar: When he’s informed of your arrangement, Stilgar simply shrugs and goes about his day. In his culture, it’s not uncommon to marry out of obligation or responsibility rather than love. This is especially true with him being a Sietch Leader. Nonetheless, he treats you with nothing but respect and kindness. Always ensuring you are safe and as comfortable as possible. He knows the expectations that come along with marriage (cohabitation, having/caring for children, etc) but he makes no mention of them, instead letting you set boundaries and lead the way. Love will blossom between you when you inquire genuinely about his culture/beliefs along with taking his wants and desires into account. Even if you don’t see eye to eye on everything, it’s during these deep conversations that Stilgar gains a new level of respect for you that quickly becomes genuine love.

Rabban: When he’s informed of your arrangement, Rabban will react in the only way he knows how—anger. He’ll put up a massive fight but ultimately go through with the marriage—if only out of fear of his uncle’s retaliation. Given that he’s the Harkonnens most notorious warrior, he’s so rarely ever around that it’d be easy to forget you were even married in the first place. Despite this, your insistence on sharing a simple meal or just being in his company whenever possible is what earns you a place in his cold heart. In the end, proving that you see him as much more than the Baron’s attack dog will slowly (but surely!) bring ruin to his defenses.

[misshoneyimhome]

250 FOLLOWERS FESTIVAL

“Wait… you like me?” I Jack Hughes

Summary; In the world of hockey, you share a close friendship with Jack Hughes. Yet, as your feelings for him grow over time, you decide to keep them hidden. However, when fate suddenly pushes you to confront your emotions, will Jack risk your friendship for something more?

Tropes & warnings; friends to lovers; teasing/light bullying; some sort of sadness; hidden feelings; fear of one-sided love;

Other notes; so, I'm actually starting to find writing about this lad quite enjoyable; I mean, just take a look at him! He's absolutely adorable 🤗

Word count; 1.6K

➼｡ﾟ

You met Jack Hughes for the first time nearly a year after he was drafted, when you had just started working for the New Jersey Devils organization. You had volunteered for some unpaid media tasks, eager to establish yourself in the hockey community, which occasionally allowed you to get closer to the players. And already within your first few weeks at the hockey rink, Jack immediately noticed your curious and focused expression. Without even knowing why, he felt drawn to your shy smile and decided to strike up a conversation with you.

Although his high level of confidence initially took you by surprise, you were instantly charmed by his adorable smile and laughter. And with a combination of cheesy jokes, hockey references, and a playful sense of humour, Jack quickly grasped your deep love and passion for the sport, which only intrigued him further.

You had to admit, it felt as though your friendship blossomed out of nowhere. You bonded over analysing plays, discussing strategies, and the excitement of being part of the Devils' community. And being from the area yourself, you happily showed him around, unveiling all the hidden treasures unknown to many, as you got to know each other on deeper levels.

Jack couldn’t help but admire your dedication and knowledge of hockey, finding your passion for the sport captivating – much like his own. He appreciated how you cheered him on from the side lines, occasionally donning his jersey, and noticed your unwavering commitment to following the team whenever possible.

Yet, as your friendship gradually deepened over the following years, you couldn't deny that you found yourself relishing the time spent with him more and more. His infectious boyish smile, his amusing Florida accent, and his genuine kindness all contributed to making you feel at ease whenever you were in his presence. And as you both transitioned into adulthood, you felt yourself slowly developing deeper emotions for him.

However, you kept these feelings concealed, fearing the potential risk to your friendship. Moreover, you couldn't shake the belief that Jack was entirely out of your league. He was talented, charismatic, and had a magnetic personality that drew people to him. All the girls who pursued him exuded glamour and confidence, and you couldn't help but feel like you didn't measure up.

But though you didn't align with the same interests as those girls – preferring quiet evenings discussing hockey stats over amazing dinners – Jack valued your genuine calm and laid-back demeanour. He appreciated your dedication to your work and simply relished spending time with you, whether engaged in hockey conversations or simply enjoying each other's company.

And despite your insecurities, you treasured your friendship with Jack as well, grateful for the connection you shared. You simply never entertained the thought that he could view you as anything beyond a friend. Thus, you chose to keep your feelings hidden, content with enjoying his company and offering support in any way possible.

**

However, on one fateful night, fate seemed to conspire against you.

As the arena hummed with excitement, the New Jersey Devils celebrated yet another hard-earned victory over their rivals. Amidst a sea of cheering fans, you stood, passionately supporting the team you had grown to adore, as the energy was palpable, and the jubilation of the win filled the air.

And following the game, you found yourself in the company of Jack and several other members of the Devils organization. However, as you shared laughter and conversation, revelling in the triumph, the discussion suddenly took an unexpected turn.

The girls in the group began to tease you in a playful manner about your close friendship with Jack, their words carrying a mischievous undertone. Initially, it was light-hearted banter, harmless jests exchanged among friends. However, their teasing gradually veered towards a more pointed direction, causing a blush to spread across your cheeks with embarrassment.

"I swear, y/n, every time Jack scores a goal, you look at him as though he's the only person in the room," one of the girls teased, nudging you with her elbow.

And then another girl joined in, her laughter resonating through the air. "Yeah, it's as if you're completely smitten with him or something."

You attempted to shrug off their remarks with a nervous chuckle, but instead, it only seemed to encourage their teasing further.

"I think she might actually have a bit of a crush on him," one of them remarked, her tone laced with mock seriousness.

And then the realization hit you like a ton of bricks, and you felt your cheeks flushing even warmer. No matter how hard you tried to conceal it, you couldn't deny the truth in their words.

"Oh my gosh! She does... y/n's got a thing for Jack Hughes, how adorable," the first girl exclaimed, her laughter ringing through the hallway.

And nable to bear the embarrassment any longer, you hastily excused yourself from the group, muttering something about needing to freshen up. You spun on your heel and hurried away, seeking to put as much distance between yourself and the teasing girls as possible.

"Wait, y/n, hold on," Jack called out to you, his voice gentle but insistent.

But just as you thought you had managed to escape, you felt a gentle hand on your arm, halting your retreat. Turning around, you were met with Jack's concerned gaze, his expression soft yet urgent. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eye, the embarrassment still blazing hot on your cheeks.

"Y/n, don't walk away like that..." Jack pleaded, his grip tightening around your arm.

"Please, Jack," you attempted to shake him off, your voice barely audible. "I just want to go home, okay? You can just go back to your friends."

"What, no,” Jack's voice betrayed confusion and concern. "I'm not done talking to you."

You sighed, giving in slightly, pulling your hand to cross your arms across your chest. "Fine, then let’s talk?"

"I want to know about what they were saying back there," he said, his tone grave.

You bit your lip, feeling the blush returning to your cheeks, your arms tucking yourself tightly in a defence. "It's nothing, just silly chatter among girls."

Jack shook his head, his brows knitting together. "It didn't sound like nothing. They were discussing you and me, weren't they?"

You shifted uncomfortably, avoiding his gaze. "They... they were just teasing. It's not important." You tried to force a light chuckle, but your heavy breaths failed you. 

"Y/n," Jack said softly, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand, sending shivers down your spine. “Talk to me.”

Your heart raced in your chest as you struggled to find the right words, tears pressing on, yet you managed to hold them back. "I... Jack, I..."

He lifted your chin gently, compelling you to meet his gaze. "Wait... you like me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You swallowed hard, feeling the intensity of his stare. "Yes," you admitted quietly. "But I understand if you don't feel the same way. I mean, look at me, I'm nothing like the girls you're used to..."

Jack's expression softened; his thumb moving to trace gentle circles on your cheek. "Y/n, I don’t want you to be like those girls. You're not like anyone else I know. And that's what I like about you. You're passionate, driven, and you love hockey just as much as I do. You're not just some random girl to me, you're my best friend."

Tears welled up in your eyes, overwhelmed by his words. "But what about those other girls? The ones who are always around you, the ones who..."

"They mean nothing to me," Jack interrupted, his voice firm. "The only person I care about is you."

You searched his eyes, finding nothing but sincerity and warmth reflected back at you. And in that moment, you realized that there was a chance that everything was about to change.

"Jack," you whispered. "I like you. More than just a best friend."

A smile spread across Jack's face, and before you knew it, he was leaning in, his lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss. As you melted into his embrace, you couldn't help but think that perhaps, just perhaps, this was the start of something truly special.

And in that tender moment when Jack's lips met yours, all your worries and insecurities seemed to slowly dissolve. There was only the two of you, wrapped in the warmth of each other's embrace.

You leaned into the kiss, relishing the sensation of Jack's lips against yours, his gentle touch sending shivers down your spine. It felt like a dream come true, something you had only dared to imagine in your wildest fantasies.

And as the kiss deepened, you were swept away by a rush of emotions – joy, relief, and an overwhelming sense of love. It was surreal to believe that Jack felt the same way about you, that he saw you as more than just a friend.

Then breaking away from the kiss, he looked into your eyes with a soft smile. "I've wanted to do that for so long," he confessed, his voice brimming with sincerity.

And you couldn't help but smile back, feeling a wave of happiness wash over you. "Me too," you whispered, your heart overflowing with love for the man standing before you.

In that moment, everything felt perfect – the world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you lost in each other's embrace.

"So, you like me too, huh?" You chuckled lightly, breaking the silence that enveloped you.

"Yeah, probably have for a while…" Jack's admission was timid, his voice betraying a hint of vulnerability.

"You should’ve said something," you spoke almost nervously, feeling a little ridiculous for not having had the courage to speak up sooner.

"Sorry, I was afraid you didn’t feel the same…" Jack's words were filled with regret.

You couldn't suppress a light laughter, the tension dissipating. "Jack, how could I not feel the same? Everyone likes you."

"Told you, to me you’re different. But I’m just happy that you do like me… because I’m crazy about you," Jack confessed, his words filled with sincerity and warmth.

And with another kiss, you sealed the newfound relationship, the warmth of it echoing the promise of a future filled with love and happiness.

[mercillery]

I love your writings and I'd love to see more Julius, could I get a sfw alphabet with him?

WARNINGS: GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + NOT PROOFREAD

NOTES: He’s so cute and angelic and beautiful and handsome and pretty and gorgeous and majestic and elegant and ravishing and lovely and stunning and charming and

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He’s the kind of guy who exudes a subtle, but unmistakable, affection when you're out and about. While he’s not one to engage in overly passionate displays of affection that make everyone else uncomfortable—like that couple you occasionally spot practically glued together and making out like it’s the end of the world—he has his own way of showing how much he cares. Picture that one guy you once saw casually strolling down the street, hand in hand with his partner, both of them laughing and clearly enjoying each other’s company. There's an easygoing joy about them, a visible connection that makes you think, "I wish I had that." That’s the kind of lover he is in public. He’s all about those little gestures that speak volumes—a squeeze of the hand, a playful nudge, a shared smile that tells a whole story.

When it’s just the two of you, though, he transforms into someone much more demonstrative. In private, his affection is boundless, almost overwhelming in its intensity. It's as if he has been saving up all his love for these quiet moments together. He can't seem to keep his hands off you, not that you’re complaining. He’s always seeking that physical connection, whether it's a gentle hand resting on your hip, his arm draped around your shoulders, or simply holding your hand. It's like he's drawn to you, unable to resist the pull.

For him, it’s almost like a necessity—a way to constantly reassure himself that you’re right there with him. The physical contact isn't just for show; it's a genuine expression of his feelings. When he's got his hands on you, he's happiest, feeling complete and content. Whether you’re curled up on the couch watching a movie or lying in bed whispering to each other, he’s always reaching out, making sure there’s no space between you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a best friend? Oh, he’s absolutely the type of best friend everyone should have at least once in their lives. Julius Novachrono is wise, strong, caring, and genuinely good-hearted. He possesses so many admirable qualities that having him in your life would be a game changer in so many ways. Your depression? Gone. Your anxiety? Practically non-existent. Most of your problems? Vanished. Having him as your best friend is not just a flex—it’s a life-altering experience. As your best friend, Julius would invite you on all sorts of magical adventures. His enthusiasm for exploring new magic is incredibly infectious. You’d find yourself looking forward to each new expedition, eager to uncover the secrets of magic and history with him. His vast knowledge would turn even the simplest conversations into fascinating discussions, leaving you both enlightened and inspired!

But it’s not just his wisdom and sense of adventure that make him an exceptional friend—Julius is also incredibly supportive. He’s always there to lift you up, whether you’re in need of encouragement or just a little bit of company. His constructive feedback and positive reinforcement would help you grow both as an individual and as a magic user, and his unwavering belief in your abilities would bolster your confidence, pushing you to achieve things you never thought possible. Overall, having Julius Novachrono as your best friend would be a positive experience!

As for how the friendship would start, it’s likely that he saw you using your magic and thought, “Woah, cool magic!” And then he approached you and you both just became besties from there.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Are you kidding? He loves cuddling!

Please hold him close and don't let go until he's practically out of breath. If there's one thing he loves more than wrapping you up in his arms, it's being enveloped in yours. He relishes those moments when he can rest his head on your lap, your shoulder, or anywhere on you. The feeling of your arms around him is his ultimate comfort, his sanctuary. He’s more than happy to set aside his responsibilities, forgetting all about the pile of papers waiting for him, just to be near you. And you can tell he genuinely doesn't mind, because to him, nothing compares to the warmth of your embrace. He completely surrenders to it, losing himself in the softness of your touch and the steady rhythm of your heartbeat. It's almost as if the world outside fades away when he's with you. His usual worries and duties become distant echoes, drowned out by the sheer pleasure of being held by you. Those moments are his escape, his bliss. If someone were to see him like this, completely at ease and utterly content in your arms, they might be astonished. They’d probably find it hard to believe that this relaxed, affectionate man is the Wizard King himself.

He doesn’t have a preferred cuddling position; he just goes for whatever he feels like. As long as you’re close to him in some way, he’s content.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Honestly, settling down isn’t something that occupies much space in his mind—at least not until he meets you. Before you came into his life, he was fairly indifferent about the whole idea. It wasn't something he actively opposed, but it wasn't something he spent time thinking about either. It was more of a "meh" concept for him, something he'd consider vaguely in the distant future, if at all. However, I can definitely see him embracing the role of a family man if the topic were to come up. If you were to broach the subject, he would genuinely give it some thought. He’s not the type to dismiss it out of hand, especially if it’s important to you. He’d weigh the idea carefully, reflecting on what it would mean for both of you and your future together. So when it comes to whether he wants to settle down or not, the answer is nuanced. It’s a maybe, a so-so, a “let’s see where life takes us” kind of thing. His feelings are flexible, and they’re shaped largely by the bond he shares with you. If settling down with you means building a future filled with love and companionship, then it’s definitely something he would consider.

Julius is decent at cooking. Could be better, but he’s still decent. Not much to say for this part.

He’s a decent cleaner too.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would handle the breakup with the utmost respect, maintaining his polite and considerate nature throughout the entire process. Even if you were to have a breakdown or blow up at him, he wouldn’t be upset in the slightest. He would fully understand your emotions and reactions, offering his empathy and support even as he’s ending the relationship. He knows how tough these moments can be and would never hold your feelings against you.

After the conversation concludes and you both come to terms with the end of the relationship, he will make it clear that he’s still there for you. He’d tell you that you’re always welcome to reach out to him if you need help or support, regardless of your new status as ex-partners. His kindness doesn’t stop with the breakup; he genuinely cares about your well-being and wants to ensure you’re okay even after you’ve gone your separate ways.

Overall, he’ll never harbor any anger or resentment toward you. Instead, he’ll continue to offer his support, showing you that his respect and care for you extend beyond the romantic relationship. It’s a testament to his character and the genuine regard he holds for you as a person. Even in the face of ending things, he remains a steadfast source of compassion and understanding. <3

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Julius is someone who approaches commitment with the utmost seriousness and thoughtfulness. He views commitment as a sacred bond, not just a promise. When he commits, he does so with his whole heart, fully devoted to and deeply invested in making the relationship work. He’s extremely dedicated, and he hopes you’ll bring the same level of dedication to the table. He also places a high value on trust and mutual respect, seeing these as the bedrock of any strong partnership. Without trust, he believes a relationship simply can't thrive. And so, he makes it a priority to foster an environment where you and him can feel secure and valued. He’s committed to treating you with the highest regard and hopes for the same in return, so please don’t let him down.

When it comes to the timeline for marriage, Julius approaches this decision with patience. He’s acutely aware of the significance of such a life-altering commitment and understands the importance of not rushing into it. He would want to be absolutely certain that both he and you are truly ready for this next step. He believes in letting the relationship develop naturally, allowing it to progress at its own pace—valuing the process of getting to know each other deeply and thoroughly before contemplating marriage. He’s not one to jump into things without being sure, so he’d ensure that the foundation of your relationship is solid and well-established.

However, once Julius feels confident in the relationship and is certain about the strength of your bond, he will embrace the idea of marriage wholeheartedly. With that being said, it’d likely take about 4-5 years of growing together and building a strong partnership before he decides it’s time to make things official.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

THE MOST GENTLE A MAN CAN BE. ❤️❤️❤️

Physically, he treats you like you’re made of the finest, most delicate glass. The kind of glass that, if you so much as breathe on it wrong, might shatter into a million pieces. He’s never firm with you, except in situations where your safety is at stake. In those rare moments, he might show a bit of firmness, but only out of sheer necessity to protect you. But once the danger passes? Back to treating you like the most precious thing in the world. He wouldn't dream of hitting you, pinching you, or even accidentally stepping on your foot. And if he ever does accidentally bump into you or causes you the slightest discomfort, you can be sure he’ll be apologizing profusely, practically on his knees. To sum it up, he’s a complete softie with you, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Emotionally, he treats you with the same level of care and consideration. He treats your feelings with the utmost care, as if they’re the most fragile thing he’s ever encountered. Please, bring all your problems to him. Whether it’s something minor like tripping on a rock or something more serious like feeling completely drained and unmotivated, he’s got your back. He’s there for every little worry, every concern, and every conflict. He'll listen, offer advice, or just be a shoulder to cry on—whatever you need. You name it, he’s there, always ready to help. No matter what’s plaguing your mind, he’s your number one supporter, utterly devoted to being as gentle and understanding as possible when it comes to your emotions.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He loves hugs as much as he loves cuddles, which I just discussed—meaning he absolutely does love them.

Honestly? He’s more of a hand-holding guy. It’s not that his hugs are rare; he just sometimes forgets that hugs are even a thing because he’s always holding your hand. And for him, that’s more than enough. There’s something about the simple act of holding your hand that he finds deeply satisfying. It’s his go-to gesture for showing affection and staying connected with you.

BUTTTTTTT, when he does remember to hug you, those hugs are something special. They’re gentle, warm, and comforting. He’s not the type to squeeze you until you’re gasping for air. Sure, he loves you a lot, but he’s not trying to turn you purple or anything. His hugs are all about making you feel safe and cherished, not squished and breathless. So, if you’re wondering whether his hugs are tight or gentle, they’re definitely on the gentle side. He knows how to give you that perfect, tender embrace that says “I love you” without making you feel like you’re in a wrestling match.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He would take his time to ensure that his feelings for you were genuine and deep before uttering those three magic words. So when he finally says, “I love you," it's a profound and meaningful moment, underscoring his commitment to the relationship.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He is prone to jealousy, but it’s a rare occurrence. He’s not the kind of guy who gets jealous just because another man is talking to you, walking alongside you, or sharing a laugh. That kind of thing doesn’t bother him at all. However, if he sees someone openly flirting with you, that’s when his jealousy kicks in. But even then, he usually keeps it under wraps. He doesn’t want to make a scene or make anyone uncomfortable. Instead, he waits for the right time when you’re alone together to bring it up—preferring to discuss his feelings privately.

When you’re alone and he voices his jealousy, he’s never rude or accusatory. He remains polite and respectful, hoping you’ll reassure him that your heart belongs to him alone. He trusts you, but he also wants to feel secure in your relationship. It’s important to him to talk things out rather than letting jealousy fester into anger or resentment.

To sum it up, he’s a man who believes in communication. When he’s feeling jealous, he’d rather have a calm, honest conversation with you than let it turn into something negative. He values your relationship too much to let jealousy get in the way!

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are gentle—everything about him is gentle. When he kisses you, it’s like you can feel yourself melting from the tenderness and love in those moments. Most of the time, his kisses are soft pecks, but even these brief touches are packed with affection and care. Each kiss, no matter how quick, carries a weight of love that you can feel. And then, there are those rare moments when he gives you a deep, intense, and passionate kiss. That's when things start to heat up a bit. He becomes more handsy, drawing you closer, his touch growing more insistent and fervent. But that’s another topic for never, lol.

He loves to kiss you anywhere, as long as he can feel your skin against his lips. That's all he needs to be content. However, he wouldn't deny that kissing your hand feels the most intimate to him. It's his way of showing you a profound sign of respect and reverence, which makes it even more special for him. Every kiss, whether it’s on your forehead, cheek, or lips, carries his affection, but there’s something uniquely meaningful about those hand kisses.

He absolutely adores it when you pepper his face with kisses. His face practically begs for it. Every part of his face is fair game—cheeks, nose, forehead, you name it. He can't help but feel a delightful tingle shoot through him each time your lips touch his skin. With you so close, showering him with kisses, he can’t help but feel like a teenager with a big fat crush. It’s like he’s caught in a whirlwind of excitement and giddiness every time you lean in to kiss him. And let’s be real, he’s definitely making heart eyes at you whenever you do. To him, your kisses are like magic. So go ahead, shower his face in kisses—he'll be absolutely smitten every single time.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s an absolute angel, like an angel sent not just from the heavens but by God himself. His sweetness and caring nature shine through in every interaction, and his sunny disposition is enough to make a child's day brighter. It almost makes you want to see him as a father. He's incredibly patient and always nice, even when a child is a bit of a handful. And, of course, he’s the type who would secretly sneak in just one piece of candy for a kid, adding a touch of magic to their day. I can definitely picture him being adored by many children, his playful and kind nature making him a favorite among them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He loves to lay in bed with you for a few extra minutes before starting his day, savoring the time to cuddle and bask in the warmth of your embrace. Those quiet moments together are something he cherishes deeply, a perfect way to start his day before he dives into his Wizard King duties. If you’re a coffee person, he makes a mental note to prepare your coffee first thing in the morning. It’s a small gesture, but it’s his way of showing he cares about your little comforts. He’s all about making sure your day starts off right, whether that means a few extra cuddles or a perfectly brewed cup of coffee. That's just how he is, always thinking of the little things that make you happy.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I have a very strong feeling that when sleeping with him, he always has to have an arm either around or on you—it’s like a subconscious need to keep you close. There’s not much else to say about how he is during the nights; he just sleeps like any other normal person, except for this habit. Oh, and he kinda snores loudly too. It's not exactly a quiet night, but somehow it’s endearing. And when he sleeps, he sleeps like a baby—completely at peace, relaxed, and sometimes even with a faint smile on his face. So, besides the gentle snores and the need to hold you close, he’s pretty much like anyone else when he’s catching some Z's. 💤

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

From the beginning, he'd be open about the general aspects of his life, such as his role as the Wizard King, his responsibilities, and his immense love for magic and understanding the world. These are the things that define him and what he’s passionate about, so he’d share them early on. However, when it comes to more personal and intimate details about his life, thoughts, and feelings, those will be shared gradually as your relationship with him deepens. There's nothing too unusual here; it’s all about letting things unfold at a natural, comfortable pace.

Julius isn’t the type to divulge everything all at once. He’d reveal aspects of his personal history, his fears, and his hopes gradually, allowing you to take in each piece of his story bit by bit. As the relationship grows, he’ll become increasingly open about more sensitive and personal topics. He understands that vulnerability is a vital part of intimacy, and he would want to share his true self with you, but only at an appropriate pace—a pace where he’s sure that you and him are comfortable. He’s aware that rushing this process can be overwhelming, so he takes it slow.

To sum it up, Julius would reveal things about himself gradually, allowing the relationship to develop naturally. It goes at a normal, appropriate pace—one that makes both you and him feel comfortable and connected!

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

The closest you’ve seen him to being angry is when he gets serious, which usually happens when there’s a threat or something urgent demanding his attention. But other than those moments, he’s never angry—especially not with you. He’d never dare raise his voice at you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers absolutely everything about you. It’s like he has a mental encyclopedia dedicated solely to you, where every fact and memory is meticulously stored away. He knows every little detail about you like he knows his way around magic—if not, better. He’s not the type to forget even the smallest detail about you. Whether it’s your favorite color, the name of your childhood pet, or the name of your plushie from when you were only a kid, he has it all locked away in his memory.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

This may sound basic, but his favorite moments in the relationship are simply every moment he spends with you—especially the ones where you’re just being together, sharing the same space. He finds immense comfort and joy in having you nearby, within his sights, knowing he can talk to you whenever he wants. Whether it’s to ramble about some fascinating new magic discovery or to vent about all the paperwork Marx is making him do, your presence is his sanctuary. It’s these simple, everyday moments he treasures most—the companionship, the shared smiles, and the effortless way you both fit into each other’s lives.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Julius is inherently protective, driven by his role as the Wizard King and his genuine care for the Clover Kingdom and its people. This protective nature isn’t just about physical safety—it extends to your emotional and mental well-being as well. He would go to great lengths to ensure that you feel secure, supported, and cherished at all times. He’s acutely aware of the dangers and challenges that exist in the world, and he takes his role as a protector seriously. However, he’s not the possessive type of protective. You never feel smothered or restricted by his concern; rather, you feel genuinely safe and at ease knowing he’s always looking out for you. His protection is about creating a space where you can thrive, feel loved, and be yourself without fear. Whether it’s standing guard against external threats or simply being there to listen and support you through life’s ups and downs, Julius ensures you always feel secure and cared for!

He protects you in every and any way he can. Just trust me when I say that he’d go far and beyond to ensure your safety—whether it’s emotional, mental, or physical.

He doesn’t need much protection, but he won’t stop you if you want to protect him. He’ll gladly let you shield him in any way you can, as long as it doesn’t harm you in the process. Your desire to protect him is something he deeply appreciates, and he finds it incredibly touching. However, when it comes to physical danger, he might draw the line. The last thing he wants is for his beloved to get injured while trying to protect him. He’s grateful for your courage and love, but he’d much rather be the one to take any hits in battle. It’s his way of ensuring your safety, which is his top priority. But outside of physical confrontations, he’s more than happy to let you protect him in any way you wish. Whether it’s offering emotional support, helping him navigate stressful situations, or simply being there for him, he values and welcomes your protection. Just remember, he wants you to stay safe and sound, too.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’s the epitome of effort and devotion. Julius is definitely not the type to forget anniversaries, skimp on gifts, or neglect everyday tasks that show how much he cares. He pours his heart and soul into making you happy, going above and beyond to ensure that every moment you spend together is filled with joy and love. Whether it’s planning a surprise anniversary dinner, selecting the perfect gift that he knows will light up your face, or simply taking care of the little things that make your day brighter, he’s always thinking of ways to show his love and appreciation for you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

None. He’s perfect.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not too concerned about his appearance. When passing by a mirror or anything reflective, he’ll quickly glance at it to make sure he doesn’t have anything on his face. It’s more of a quick check to ensure he’s not inadvertently walking around with something like a piece of food stuck at the corner of his mouth or something—just to ensure everything looks presentable. But beyond that, he's not one to obsess over his appearance or spend hours in front of the mirror. He’s comfortable in his own skin.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. Julius would indeed feel incomplete without you. If he found the one (you), he'd be deeply attached. If something were to happen to you, he wouldn’t be able to simply move on. You would consume his thoughts incessantly, leaving an irreplaceable void in his heart. Losing you would be like him losing a part of himself.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Loves stargazing and baking with you!

There's something incredibly serene and tranquil about those quiet, nightly moments spent under the vast expanse of the night sky. It's in those moments that he finds solace and peace, especially when he's sharing them with you. He delights in spending hours identifying constellations, tracing the paths of shooting stars, and pondering the mysteries of the celestial bodies scattered across the heavens. And of course, he can’t help but ramble on about all of this to you. It’s like his own personal astronomy lecture, but with the added bonus of your company.

He also enjoys baking with you because it’s just so much fun! Especially when you’re trying out a new recipe or tackling something a bit more challenging. He’s the type of guy who’ll playfully smear a bit of dough on your face just for the fun of it, and then can’t help but giggle at the sight. Before you know it, what started as innocent baking quickly turns into a full-blown food fight in the kitchen!!! Flour flying, frosting splattering—it’s chaos, but it’s the most enjoyable kind of chaos. He’s not afraid to get a little messy and let loose, especially when it means making such fun memories with you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Julius wouldn’t be drawn to someone who is inherently evil. He seeks someone with a warm and good-hearted nature, someone who embodies empathy and treats others with respect and kindness. Even if someone may come across as naturally mean or tough on the surface, as long as they possess a kind heart deep down, Julius would appreciate that. He believes in the power of redemption and the potential for people to change for the better. However, he has no tolerance for those who are callous or lack empathy towards others.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

I think I answered this question already in section N, lol. But I have a very strong feeling that he sleeps in these:

[m0chaminx]

Sejanus Plinth | Whispers

*•.¸♡Request: Heyy Could you write a Sejanus Plinth x reader? Maybe some angst/comfort?

*•.¸♡Prompts: "We didn't all have happy childhoods, so sorry that I can't cope." "My childhood wasn't happy just because it wasn't yours. Yeah, I was safe, but I was alone and I never had no one to turn to. There's more than one way to fuck up a kid." from @promptsforthestrugglingauthor (its changed slightly tho)

*•.¸♡Warnings: Angsty as shit, Sejanus may be slightly ooc, bastards? (i think the capitol would hate bastards), the word whore in like a prostitute way, slight pacing issues (its 2am, ill edit it again later)

*•.¸♡Paring: Sejanus Plinth x GN!reader

*•.¸♡Summary: When District meets Capitol, a kind boy like Sejanus is born. When Capitol meets District, a messed-up kid like you is born.

Or

Sejanus learns you care just as much as him

*•.¸♡Words: 1.1k

The academy's echoing halls bore witness to a chorus of whispers that followed Sejanus like persistent shadows. He was neither oblivious to these whispers, nor stupid enough to engage. The students, wrapped in their Capitol privilege, money, status and style, often vocalised their prejudiced perceptions, casting Sejanus as the outsider—a boy from the districts, like a stain in the polished corridors of the elite.

Each comment carried the sting of disdain, a reminder that, in their eyes, he should have remained tethered to District 2. The snide comments echoed in the hallowed halls, questioning his nobility, his eloquence, his attire, and even his intellect. To them, he was an anomaly challenging the Capitol's rigid social hierarchy. Yet, Sejanus pressed on, his spirit unyielding, his kind heart and sweet words charming any who had escaped the whispers.

There had always been whispers about your mother and her flimsy beliefs with the Capitol. She was no one important to the Capitol’s government, systems of education or even associated with the Hunger Games. People whispered about her visit to the district and the child she returned with. Her marriage to a businessman, another individual largely unnoticed by the Capitol's discerning eye, provided no shield from the prying whispers. So, the whispers turned to taunts and the taunts fell to humiliation.

At every chance your classmates had, they would remind you of everything surrounding your family. Every grade that was slightly below perfect left you pointed at and laughed at with words so smooth the teachers with no concern for their students did nothing to stop it. Letters and threats were slipped into your books and bag, promises that even if you slightly smeared the reputation of the capitol would result in a bloody end. Yet still, you held your head high, but your mouth ran wild, insulting the students who stepped too far over the line.

It was only natural that a bond between you and Sejanus would blossom, and then grow stronger with each passing day. The insidious nature of the whispers, each with its unique twist, seemed to seep into the very air you both breathed. There was an acute awareness that, despite the bonds you were weaving, there was no fortress impervious enough to shield you from the relentless scrutiny of your peers that thought themselves better,

Yet, in defiance of the echoing gossip, you and Sejanus found solace in the simple acts of togetherness. The friendship grew to a point that simply knowing the other was there was enough to make the days bearable. Sitting closely in the classroom, sharing quiet moments during lunch, or merely walking side by side through the bustling halls became your only moments of peace. In the bubble you created, the whispers seemed to lose their cutting edge, despite the storms of constant judgement swirling around you.

But when Sejanus’s tribute Marcus, a boy he had been friends with had been strung up in the arena like a trophy or a warning, everything around him had collapsed at once. He grabbed his chair, throwing it and his desk across the room and he turned to the students and teachers, tears streaming down his face. “You’re monsters!” He screamed. “All of you!”

He stormed out of the hall, and you barely spared a glance at the screen before chasing him. He threw the doors open, storming down the hall and walking from the academy collapsing onto a stone wall. He screamed, tears streaming down his face. The courtyards were empty, the people shut themselves in their homes to watch the games.

You stopped by Sejanus, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning to meet his eyes. “Janus…” Your voice was soft, as you called for him, but his tears continued to stream down his face. “I’m so sorry.” He straightened, trying to stop the shaking from consuming his body but he couldn't.

You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace as if trying to absorb every emotion that was consuming his body. His arms wound around you, as if simply holding you could wash away everything in the world. In your arms, nothing could hurt him.

Your mind scrambled to find any words that could comfort him, but you couldn't. Nothing you could say could make any of this alright.

“What can I do?” It was a weak attempt to help, but you couldn't do anything else. He knew that but somehow, a part of him thought you could fix everything. It was irrational but his mind wasn’t working properly.

“It’s gonna be okay,” you muttered.

They weren't the right words.

“How are you so calm?” Sejanus' words were harsher than he wanted them to be, and his quick movements to pull away didn't help.

You were stunned at the way he snapped at you and you stammered,

“I can't- I can’t fix it, Janus. I’m just trying to help.”

This time his anger was more purposeful, “No you’re trying to calm me down, like this isn't a big deal.” Sejanus shook his head, trying to keep his anger at bay. "We didn't all have Capital childhoods, so sorry that I can't cope."

You scoffed, your own anger rising. "Just because my childhood doesn't mean it wasn't bad. Yeah, I was safe, but I was alone, and I never had anyone to turn to. I don’t understand what you’re feeling, but I’m trying to help." Sejanus turned to you, and you shook your head, your voice raising, “Just because you live in the capitol doesn't make you capitol.”

“Are you bringing up the districts? Now?”

“You’re not capitol because once you were district, you're not capitol because you are kind,” Your voice shook, the anger leaving as Sejanus’s tense shoulders dropped. “You’re kind Janus. You care, and you hope. People in the capitol don’t see anyone else that way. Not people like us.”

You sighed and leaned against the stone wall. “You have status Sejanus; your father has money. You’re protected even though you don't know it.” Sejanus sat next to you, watching you closely as you played with the sleeves of your academy uniform. “My mother is a nobody capitol woman, and my father was a district whore. I was safe in the capitol, but not from them.” You turned back to gesture at the academy.

“I wasn't safe either,”

“It's different and you know it.”

“I’m not saying it isn't. I’m saying you’re not alone and… I’m always here for you.” He took your hand, intertwining your fingers. “There’s always someone on your side.”

Sejanus smiled, tears gathering in his eyes once again. “Thank you… for helping.”

“And someone on yours.” You looked around, making sure there was no one nearby. You shuffled closer to Sejanus, whispering to him. “When it gets dark, if you give one of the peacemakers enough money, they might let you in.” Sejanus turned to you; his eyebrows furrowed. “Pay your respects. It doesn't make it better, but- I, I don’t know what else.”

ﾟ°☆Page navigation

[bangtannism]

Tkkers are the biggest jkkers there have ever been. They're the very embodiment of yelling "I'm not mad" while punching a hole in the wall. If their moments don't mean anything, why are you so mad? But they know that km's moments are significant which is why they desperately play down their relationship, call it fanservice, foist jm off onto other members (liking shipping ymn), anything to make it not real, because they know as well as we do, that if what km do is real and not scripted fanservice, then it blows apart their romeo&juliet fanfiction. For example, if its all real, then jk was drunk spinning jm and jm gave his best friend's "boyfriend" a hickey, and how would that make sense when tae and jm are still so close and loving on each other? If its real, then jk chose to spend the next 2 years with his "boyfreind's" best friend and not him, and how does that make sense?

The problem with tkkers is that they have built this perfectly insulated little belief system where they believe not in what they see, but in what they don't see, which is a nebulous relationship that supposedly exists only in private (I mean they literally brand tk the private couple). They don't even have to be based in reality or think critically because they've come up with convenient explanations for everything. If tk say something that goes against the tkker narrative, well that was the company forcing them. If they say or do something that supports it, well that was them being bold and fighting back. If interactions with another member don't threaten their ship, then that's fine and cute. If it does, well then that's just fanservice pushed by the company. They decide what is the "truth" based on if it already supports what they believe. I firmly believe there would be almost no tkkers today if they didn't stumble upon tkker accounts and become indoctrinated with the ideology because just watching content, seeing their actions, and listening to the boys talk (and believing them) would never lead you to thinking tk are romantically involved.

If its any consolation though, I do think way more army (not just km shippers) do acknowledge km's relationship being unique or sus at times, they just don't say it as much on tkker dominated spaces like twitter, where even using their duo name gets you branded a shipper and makes them mad. Like here on tubmlr, I've only checked the tk tag a handful of times out of curiosity, but the km posts and blogs seem to get waaay more engagement. Or even on reddit, I've see users make comments "like I hate shippers and I would never actually claim they're together, but km do make me questions sometimes LOL" while tkkers coming in hot with their crazy bullshit get shot down immediately there. Also this is anecdotal, but I wasn't involved in the fandom for a long period because of personal stuff (I still kept up with the member's solo projects though), and I was surprised at how much engagement km fan twt accounts get now or just how many big ones there are. At least from my memory a couple years ago, I don't remember km accounts (not just "shipping" stuff, but also accounts for km moments, etc.) getting as many likes and followers as they seem to have now, so I do wonder if the tides are turning (would make sense given recent events, rumors, etc. for tkkers to lessen imo).

They decide what is the "truth" based on if it already supports what they believe.

that's really the entire crux of the problem, nonny. instead of regularly examining their own beliefs and assumptions based on information as it comes out, they simply figure out how they can fit the information into the belief. the ways they come to their conclusions are filled with so many fallacies that it's usually not even worth addressing because if someone is willing to twist themselves into that many knots over their beliefs then theyre not actually going to listen to logic.

and dont get me wrong, shippers of all kinds do this, but i have never seen it with such frequency and aggression as the tkk crowd. once i saw someone on tiktok claim that jk only ever mentions th on his lives. when they were told that jk does indeed talk about other members on live (they'd know if they watched og content instead of just socmed clips), the person actually refused to believe it. that's not only absurd, but it brings me to my whole conclusion about why tkkrs constantly write off and redefine moments from other pairings (and obviously especially jikook):

if tkkrs took in all the information without trying to fit it into a pre-established narrative, their ship would fall apart. even if we assume that every other pairing in bts is platonic only, tkk does not hold up. the things they do for each other, say about each other, the things others say about them, the amount of time they spend together and activities they do, the way they touch and cuddle and joke, none of it truly stands apart from the rest of their friendships. especially when we take vmn and jikook into consideration. so the only way to make romantic tkk make sense is by simply ignoring or rewriting reality.

they have to imagine that jk only cooks for th, only sings for th, only spends free time with th, only does this that and the other thing for th because if they acknowledge that jk doesn't do these things for th exclusively, what do they have? (also it's really fucking weird that their entire ship seems to hang in the balance on what jk does – they really are so threatened with how jk behaves with jm that they're constantly trying to redirect that attention from jk to th.)

as a jikooker, i am sure you have heard so many of us talk about exclusivity and consistency, and tkk just does not have that. 🤷‍♂️ i enjoy seeing tkk together and i enjoy their friendship but at the end of the day, that's all you can glean from their interactions unless you start making stuff up.

as for engagement from army in general on jikook, i do think that a lot of the time the lack of it comes from fear because fandom culture as a whole has become so volatile towards rps. but why is it that jikook comments are automatically seen as more shippy than ones about other pairings? that's what doesnt make sense unless everyone else is seeing what we're seeing. talking about the "sus" stuff between jikook forces people to acknowledge that it is actually sus and that makes them uncomfortable because nobody wants to be branded a shipper in our current fandom climate.

but yes, imo there has been a turn in tides for jikook within the fandom. i talked about it before that jikook began gaining popularity quickly in 2017 which was then solidified with gcft. i think that the 'jikook wave' so to speak probably won't ebb unless we actually see a shift in their dynamics or they start dating other people. i am really curious to see the state of the fandom and jikookers after military service tbh.

[differenteagletragedy]

Please tell us about Derek losing the MC in childbirth.

Derek had waited a very long time to be happy. And for a while, he was. Truly, deeply, incandescently happy.

He should have known it couldn't last.

When he first met you, all the way back when you were 13, he liked you almost immediately. Then when he got to know you, he developed a crush so intense that he thought his heart might implode. But he could never let himself believe that you might feel the same way.

Years were wasted, years that he looked back at now with an unbelievable bitterness. Thousands of days loving you from a distance, holding onto a belief that if one day he could be good enough for you to love him back, that you'd have the rest of your lives to spend together.

Which you did -- but your life was over much sooner than it should have been.

Derek thought about all of this on long, sleepless nights he spent up with the baby. The daughter that you held once and then never again.

Ten years after you first met, he had moved back to the area to try to get his life figured out, and then you came, as beautiful and kind as ever, and reminded him of a deal you'd made back then: that if you weren't married by now, then you'd simply marry each other.

He couldn't believe how it had played out, but you wanted to keep the deal. You'd loved him just as long as he'd loved you. And because you'd waited so long, things moved fast. A couple of months after you'd agreed to stick with the deal, he proposed for real, with a ring he'd bought before you were ever even dating. He'd always known, regardless of when he might pluck up the courage to ask, that you were the only one he'd ever want.

Not too long after the engagement, you became pregnant. It was quick, but wonderful. The happiest time of his life, without a doubt. He worked tirelessly and was able to buy a house for you, just outside the city, and he spent so much time fixing up a nursery. He'd barely slept those months, making sure everything was safe and lovely and perfect for when you brought the baby home.

But then there was a problem.

There were a few magical moments after your daughter had been born, but then you were bleeding, then you were bleeding more. It wouldn't stop. It was a scene from a nightmare, and he couldn't do anything to help. He couldn't fix it.

But what he could do, he reasoned, was be strong for his daughter. He could do that much.

When he took her home from the hospital alone, there had been a string of people ready and willing and desperate to help. His parents, your parents, his brothers, Cove, Cliff, Miranda and Terry ... they'd all stopped by to babysit, to take the baby for a while so he could rest, to just hold her for a little bit so he could take a moment, but he always refused.

He'd taken family leave from work, and he had money saved to get him by. He could handle it.

But one day, a perfectly ordinary day in this new normal of his, a few months after you'd gone, something snapped in him.

After weeks and weeks of pushing through, pushing everyone away, barely sleeping or eating or making any sort of move in accepting the loss, it happened. He was cleaning the bathroom while the baby slept in the next room, baby monitor turned up to full volume so he could hear her, and he felt a pain in his chest, a miserable sort of clenching that he'd never felt before.

It was so intense that he dropped his sponge and gripped the side of the bathtub, leaning over and breathing hard and fast. And then it felt like he couldn't breathe at all.

Tears started falling then -- he hadn't cried since it happened. He stayed there, crouched on the floor of the bathroom, letting out strangled sobs and gasps for air, whispering, "No, no, no," until he heard a soft knock on the door through the baby monitor.

He tried to get up, but he couldn't move. The pain in his chest only got worse, and even when he heard the door open and a familiar voice call out his name, he was frozen.

Soon, strong hands gripped his shoulders and turned him around. He fell the short distance to sit down fully on the floor and leaned against the wall, then looked up and saw Cove.

Derek tried his best to calm down then, but he couldn't. His mind raced, picturing you in your last moments, you at 13, you in his arms the first time he kissed you. All the moments you'd shared and all the ones you'd never get to experience.

All at once, Cove wrapped him in a crushing hug, pulling him close and pressing his head against his chest. It took a bit for Derek to hear him, but he told him, "You're ok. It's going to be ok."

The baby started crying.

Instinct took over, and Derek tried to push himself up, to push through whatever was happening to him, but Cove held him there.

"I've got to --"

"She's all right," Cove said. "You need to let someone take care of you."

That was something that Derek had struggled with his whole life, but as he sat there, practically writhing because he couldn't stand how much pain he was in, he didn't see that he had much of a choice.

Cove slipped his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone. Still holding onto Derek with one arm, he typed out a quick text then set it on the counter.

"I'll be right back," he told him, then left. When he came back, he had the baby in his arms, and he squeezed in to sit next to Derek on the floor.

They sat like that, Cove rocking your daughter and talking softly to soothe her, until Derek was finally able to breathe again. It was shaky and shallow, but it was something.

Soon after, he heard the door open again, then his parents, along with Nicolas, came into the bathroom too. Nicolas scrunched himself up to sit across from Derek and Cove, and his mother sat on the closed toilet seat. His father stood by the doorway.

"It's time," his mom said, leaning down to grab his hand.

"Time for what?" he heard himself ask.

"Time to let us be strong for you."

[deathsbestgirl]

txf mytharc: pilot

preface: what you can expect from this series of mine.

i’m likely going to talk about each mytharc episode in full (at least nearly). the point of this isn’t to focus on mulder and scully, but there will still be a lot about them. we mostly see the mytharc through their eyes, and their partnership & experiences are a major part of that (and i think at this point, it’s clear i never shut up about them!). so for those that don’t really care about the mytharc, you might still find things to enjoy. at the end of each post, i’ll do a little summary of episode connections. i’m doing this as i rewatch so i will not have watched the future episodes yet – so please forgive any mistakes in details! i’m also pairing this with reading myth x: one fan’s interpretation of the the x files mytharc, and i’ll include some pieces that helped me unravel certain things, or that i’m simply keeping in mind as i rewatch! but mostly, this is just me enjoying the show. it’s what i think about when i watch. if it’s not your cup of tea, i completely understand. i do welcome discussion, but i make no promises to engage. i’m just sharing my little thoughts on this show that i really, really love.

sharing has gotten more difficult for me, but i truly enjoy it. just asking everyone to be kind & thoughtful, because i’m putting a lot of my time into this and i’m sensitive about it lol

something i get caught up in every time i watch the pilot is what csm & the syndicate were thinking (specifically in regards to assigning scully to the x files with mulder — i will probably talk about this over & over).

in the pilot we don’t even know about the syndicate. we meet section chief blevins, and other men with no names. including csm, who doesn’t even speak. he stands there looking stressed and smoking, observing scully and listening intently to the whole exchange. at the beginning, it’s hard to imagine how deep this goes, how widespread the government conspiracy is and it’s what makes it so fun for me to go back. we have so much more information later on, and we can take it back when we rewatch. there are so many connections to be made and although a lot of it doesn’t line up perfectly, i think it’s way more in line than people say. for me, there are several reasons that fit in with the world of the x files. first, there are so many unreliable narrators, people dealing in lies and coverups, only letting mulder & scully and whomever see what they want them to see. they purposely feed certain beliefs, and stifle them at other times. csm’s goals are muddled: he wants mulder on his side, he’s trying to save the human race/shape it into his own creation. he pretends to be a chess master, but as he says in sixth extinction/amor fati: he is one man.

the pilot starts with a cold open, a young woman running through the woods in her pajamas. we see a male figure and a bright white light. next thing, the young woman is lying dead on the forest floor as a team documents the scene and tries to identify her. detective miles identifies here as karen swanson and walks away, as the other investigator shouts “it’s happening again, isn’t it?”

next we follow special agent dana scully into the hoover building and to blevins office. he peppers her with questions about her fbi experience, if she’s heard of fox mulder and the x files. she’s young and open and maybe a little too honest. every time i try to write about the pilot something i always end up writing: scully understood what these men wanted her to. i don’t think it’s what csm wanted, but it might be what the syndicate wanted. scully was expected to debunk the x files, and if she did, they would probably reward her with whatever promotion or job she wanted within the fbi (or better, recruit her to the syndicate?). but as will consistently happen, they underestimated her. i’m not sure any of these men could have predicted what her & mulder would come to mean to each other. i don't think they could grasp her honesty or goodness, her ethics & morals, her complex beliefs & sense of justice. they live in a world where everyone is selfish & cruel, where they do what is “necessary” or what they're ordered to, where people will always choose themselves above others, but that is not scully. and it isn’t mulder.

(aside that maybe isn’t necessarily relevant but the thought always pops into my mind: it’s very interesting to me that they have this meeting with her and just send her down to mulder’s office. there’s no meeting with mulder, scully and their superiors together. all of it strikes me as a punishment for mulder, and a test for scully. i really think there’s something of interest to them in scully’s background. scientist, medical doctor, navy captain’s daughter, semi practicing/lapsed catholic. in theory, she could have been a perfect fit for the syndicate. but i really think most of them lack an understanding of people, of humanity. they deal in the worst of humanity – and mulder & scully are the best of humanity.)

initially when i started this (my little notebook) i was going to focus on just csm. but lately, the mytharc has gripped me. i don’t typically rewatch those episodes, unless i’m watching the entire series or a season in full. or a specific arc (like the cancer arc of course). but i’ve been slowly watching the mytharc episodes and they all connect, intricately, weaving a complicated web of truths & untruths & half truths. it’s so detailed and convoluted and maybe confusing. and so i wanted to go piece by piece. as i’ve said before, i don’t think everything lines up perfectly, and it isn’t supposed to. this is a global conspiracy, we learn things as mulder & scully do. they are largely on the outside of it, trying to break in to expose the truth & hopefully dismantle it. they are continuously misled, misdirected, stonewalled. there are many different projects with experimental science developing different defenses/giruses/andmtidotes, with different goals. evidence destroyed or stolen, tampered with. they are manipulated and used and discarded and returned and nearly killed as the syndicate sees fit at the current time. but so many things connect back to the pilot. the writers may not have had a show bible, but they most certainly looked back to pick up different threads and carry them through.

after scully’s meeting, we follow her down into mulder’s basement office. scully knocks on the door, opens it when he responds and takes in the whole atmosphere. he jumps right into it, letting scully know he’s aware of what her assignment is, that he looked into her background, and starting in on the case. in mulder’s way, he starts testing scully too, and i think she passes every single one. even if she’s saying things he doesn’t really want to hear. at the least, she takes him seriously (enough) to give rebuttals and show she cares. i’m not sure mulder has ever distrusted a single soul, but at least scully earns it.

the few things we learn about the case, what makes it an x file: the marks on the girl’s back, the compound in the surrounding tissue, no clear cause of death. and the fact that there’s a string of these killings in bellefleur, oregon with similarities to other cases in shamrock, texas and sturgis, south dakota.

mulder poses two questions, the first:

maybe what you can explain to me is why it’s bureau policy to label these cases “unexplained phenomenon” and ignore them.

scully has no answer, but i do think this starts her mind rolling. right here she’s put on the path of radicalization, in her scully way. the second:

when convention and science offer us no answer, might we not finally turn to the fantastic as a plausibility?

and i think this moment sets up their roles. scully responds with “the girl obviously died of something. if it was natural causes, it’s plausible that there was something missed in the post-mortem. if she was murdered, it’s plausible there was a sloppy investigation. what i find fantastic is any notion that there are answers beyond the realm of science. the answers are there. you just have to know where to look.” mulder, the believer, turning to the fantastic. scully, the skeptic, turning to science. this is my favorite thing about them, it builds the way they communicate and is a huge part of building trust between them. it’s also a major part in how they get to know each other. it’s always been one of my favorite things about them. it’s built on listening, not just pushing their beliefs or agenda. they always incorporate what the other says – as in, scully tends to shape the science & investigation around his theories. it gives her a place to start and build from. and scully’s science refines mulder’s theories and gets them closer to the truth.

it very quickly becomes one of the ways they depend on each other, setting up expectations they don’t yet understand the implications of and will take them years to rewrite (still built on the trust blooming from this first scene).

as soon as they’re in oregon, even still on the plane, the weirdness starts. unexpected turbulence, radio interference, inhuman like corpse unburied, the metal implant in the nasal cavity. mulder isn’t surprised by the turbulence or radio static, he marks the spot with an x. scully is just confused and baffled by his behavior (i love it). during the autopsy, they’re a little combative. my favorite moment is when mulder tells her:

i’m not crazy, scully. i have the same doubts you do.

this is an important moment for scully. he cares what she thinks, and she does take him seriously. i think it’s easy to think that she doesn’t, she does dismiss his ideas initially. but she’s still following him, peppering him with questions. they talk it through every time, and that’s special. it only gets stronger.

when mulder lifts peggy o’dell’s shirt to find the marks on her back, scully is so angry (she’s afraid) and she storms out of the building – mulder immediately follows her. she doesn’t believe these are alien abductions, she doesn’t know yet what the marks are, what the experience is. she has questions and she wants answers, she wants the truth. scully doesn’t believe his theory of alien abductions, and he asks her “do you have a better explanation?” and this is the first time he directly asks what she thinks. to me, this is the scene that really determines their dynamic. what mulder takes from this conversation is scully really does want the truth, she cares. and that’s important. and scully asks: “what were they doing in the forest?” cut to mulder and scully in the forest, scully pocketing dirt, detective miles coming upon them. (he listened to her, and the next step in their investigation becomes trying to answer that question!)

in the car, she shows mulder the dirt. he asks if it’s a campfire (it does look a lot like ash). but scully tells him it was all over the ground. right after, the car loses power and they lose nine minutes. scully doesn’t witness the time change but mulder is ecstatic.

this all leads to the motel room scene. scully has marks on her back and she can’t see them and the marks on peggy o’dell scared her. you could see it in her face, even through her anger & annoyance with mulder. the fact that she goes running to mulder, clearly afraid and vulnerable…it showed something else to mulder. this moment lets him see beyond ‘scully’s a spy” and her disbelief/skepticism. mulder cares about people, and he cares about scully despite himself. so when she turns into his chest, he puts his arm on her shoulder. shocked at her vulnerability, the way she seeks comfort from him. mulder lets her stay in his room, gives her a blanket to curl up on his bed as he sits below her and tells her about samantha.

usually this scene is discussed because of the intimacy between mulder & scully, but we learn a lot about the mytharc here too. samantha “disappeared from her bed one night” and there was no evidence, no contact, and no one would talk about it. he went to oxford, got recruited by the bureau. (while they’re having this conversation, someone is lurking outside the motel room.) he finds the x files and he was allowed to indulge because of his success and connections. mulder tells scully:

i’m telling you this, scully, because you need to know, because of what you’ve seen. in my research, i’ve worked very closely with a man named dr. heitz werber and he’s taken me through deep regression hypnosis. i’ve been able to go into my own repressed memories to the night my sister disappeared. i can recall a bright light outside and a presence in the room. i was paralyzed, unable to respond to my sister’s calls for help…listen to me, scully, this thing exists…the government knows about it, and i gotta know what they’re protecting. nothing else matters to me, and this is as close as i’ve ever gotten to it.

he covers sam’s abduction, how he found the x files, why he’s allowed to work on them, and the first inkling (for the audience) of a government conspiracy.

this is when mulder gets the call about peggy o’dell. (scully’s jump at the phone ringing is striking. she was so focused on mulder and what he was telling her, everything else faded away.) they go to the scene and mulder is shocked to hear peggy was running – “on foot?” just really cracks me up. as he’s focused on talking to the man driving, scully is taking a look at peggy’s body and makes note of the time on her watch, which is stopped. but just then, mulder learns ray soames’ corpse is missing. when they get back to the motel, it’s on fire with scully’s laptop, pictures and evidence inside.

theresa nemman approaches them in the chaos, they take her to a diner to hear what she has to say. she talks about finding herself in the woods, not knowing how she got there. she tells them she has the marks on her back too. she’s afraid she’s going to die too. her nose starts to bleed, like peggy’s did earlier, and as scully jumps up to grab napkins for her, theresa’s father, dr. nemman shows up with detective miles to take her home. this is when they realize det. miles’ is billy’s father.

mulder & scully have a brief conversation, brimming with their frustrations of losing their files & evidence, being denied access to a girl who needs help and wanted to talk, realizing how much these men are concealing. scully’s putting together dr. nemman’s & det. miles’ involvement. “they know” vs “they know something” – leading to mulder’s ultimate question (at this moment lol) of what’s in the other graves. when they go to check, the graves have already been dug up. the only other bodies already taken. at the graves, mulder puts together that billy miles is responsible. scully starts to follow his thoughts. he talks about time being stopped, he pauses “you think i’m crazy” and scully…she’s silent for a moment before telling him about peggy o’dell’s watch. another huge moment to me. she doesn’t believe it’s alien abduction, but she starts to understand the way mulder’s mind works, the connections he makes and the subsequent leaps. she doesn't keep this information from him despite it feeding a theory she doesn't agree with.

they head over to see billy miles. mulder talks to the nurse and scully starts to examine billy, finding his feet dirty, covered in the same dirt she found in the forest. a boy, who has been in a coma for years, completely bedridden and seemingly unaware of what’s happening around him. and scully is ready to run with this. he was out in the woods!!! and another important moment, mulder grounds her. reminds her of what she needs to do, her reports, procedure. and i think this is the moment that cements their roles – but shows they can also switch as need arises. mulder didn't understand how much he needed the science & evidence until he had someone ready to find it. so they go back out to the woods to get another sample of the dirt. that’s when they hear theresa scream and they go running. det. miles hits scully over the head and goes running after mulder, holding him at gunpoint as theresa continues to scream. and i love this moment too, because mulder appeals to this man’s better nature, urging him not to let billy kill another person. mulder stops him from shooting his son too. we see the marks on billy’s back, as a white light starts to overtake the scene with leaves blowing like a cyclone around billy & theresa. when the light finally fades, billy is conscious again, theresa is safe and the marks are gone from billy’s back. instantaneously.

the ending scenes are billy under hypnotic regression with dr. werber. mulder in the room with them. scully, blevins, the other man from scully’s meeting, and csm observing. billy talks about the aliens, the tests, the implant. the tests didn’t work, and the aliens were destroying the evidence. killing the abductees…mulder and scully make eye contact through the glass. cut to scully reporting to blevins. she can’t substantiate anything, they have no evidence, how do you prosecute?? this is what blevins & company care about. but scully held onto one piece of evidence: the implant, made of a metal that could not be identified, the implant billy miles claimed was controlling him. she leaves it with blevins, and when she exits, she watches csm enter blevins’ office. she has no idea who this man is, but he has been present at crucial moments and she took notice. she doesn’t understand yet but she won’t forget him.

in the end, mulder calls scully late at night to tell her the case file on billy miles has disappeared. csm is walking into the pentagon storage facility, filing away the metal implant with others just like it.

the pilot really lays a lot of groundwork. the implants, the marks/scars. the abduction experience, time loss, electronic interference, hypnotic regression. deformed corpses. government connections. disappearing evidence, constant interference. samantha’s abduction.

episode connections (before i watch future episodes):

conduit: small detail, but the ash-like dirt reminds me of the sand & glass at lake okobogee.

duane barry: he has an implant in his nasal cavity, much like the one they find. later on, in the anasazi trilogy, we learn scully has a chip in her neck which later connects her to other female abductees and carries through to cassandra in patient x/the red and the black.

cancer arc: billy miles indicates the exact place scully gets cancer.

reduxes: blevins is exposed as the mole. for the first part of the first season, scully reports to him until the x files is reassigned to skinner’s jurisdiction. his involvement isn’t fully explored, but he doesn’t completely disappear.

deadalive: ray soames’ transformation – possibly a failed attempt of what happens to billy miles & others, and nearly happens to mulder. also similar to the bodies mulder finds in anasazi.

csm: he’s there for scully’s meeting with blevins, he is there at the end for billy miles’ hypnotic regression. he is the most prominent figure in the conspiracy, as far as what we see, with a direct hand in scully’s & mulder’s experiences.

samantha’s abduction: there are two different versions of her abduction. truthfully, i think they just changed the story to work better for them. BUT (as i’ve mentioned before) i think it fits well into the mytharc later on – within the framework of the show, i think it’s possible samantha was abducted twice. conduit, paper hearts, demons, and another episode.

myth x:

one thing i really do like about this book is that it breaks down all the players. each group of aliens are given a clear name (which appear in the show but was never completely clear to me until this time around). michelle bush purports that the aliens abducting the oregon teens are walk-ins, representing the divine. they’re supposedly good but don’t know how to go about their goals. in some ways, this rings true. it’s the walk-ins that “save” samantha from more suffering. it’s like the walk-ins cassandra spender believes are trying to help them. bush describes their goal as “reintegration of both halves of the whole (alien and human) using natural means; this results in a single sentience allowing a return to physical and spiritual harmony.” which on paper, doesn’t sound bad. but their methods are as harmful as any of the others (alien and human alike).

[alltimefail-sims]

I reread your post about how Moonwood Mill and Granite Falls could be connected, and I would be really interested to hear how you actually use Granite Falls in your game! For example, what lots do you put there and how do you play with it?

I recently downloaded a mod that makes Granite Falls liveable and I am hoping to incorporate it into my occult gameplay.

Thanks for all the posts you've made so far about your occult lore. I love reading about it!

Hi friend, I'm so sorry I took forever to get around to answering this! I haven't updated my mods or anything in a minute so I couldn't pop into my occult save to take specific screenshots (for fear of corrupting it), but I'll do my best to illustrate how I arrange it!

As you can see, I go with a pretty simple layout. I think werewolves, especially those in the Moonwood Collective, are no-frills when it comes to their living arrangements - it's really more about functionality and community than anything, and this world lends to that vibe so effectively.

Little bit about my lots:

The National Park: Because Moonwood Mill doesn't have a National Park and I think a core tenant of the Collective is environmentalism, I maintained the lot type but renamed it "Moonwood Falls." It acts as the divider between Moonwood Collective Territory and Wildfang territory - once you pass completely through it you'll see a trail that'll lead you directly to the Moonwood Commune if you follow it. I talked about it in a previous post, but one of The Collective's main duties is watching over the national park lands that are still left in Moonwood Mill, not just for the sake of environmentalism but also to keep threats at bay that might be traveling through. Also there are resources for herbalism that are easier to access on this type of lot, so I keep it for practical reasons as well!

Residential Rentals x3: The members of the Collective live simply and in close quarters to each other. The number of cabins range from lot to lot, but they were all built by hand by members of the collective and mostly serve the practical purposes of shelter during unpredictable weather and spaces to rest. Members of the Collective are not hanging around their houses all day, they're not watching TV or playing video games, they're all usually outdoors and almost always congregating together (big emphasis on community). The wolf family I play with primarily in this particular save lives in one of the cabins by the Volkov residence. Note: I haven't converted these to residential rentals yet in-game, but now that we have that feature I intend to! Before they were just residential lots that I would have multiple sims live on!

Community Space: This space is primarily a community garden and is the epicenter for the day-to-day activities that the members in the Collective engage in. Aside from gardening there are washtubs and clotheslines, a space to have communal meals and meetings (I imagine members of the Collective share resources more than not), various outdoor activities for kids and teens to engage in**, and even some sales tables. It's a skill-building/learning space, but it's also a fun space to build community and friendships. I kind of think of this space as the Collective's equivalent to the bar the Wildfangs congregate at. If you were to stumble upon the Collective's commune or visit as a guest, this is the first place you would be directed to. Lastly, I have a small "Medical" cabin set up on this space as well that obviously serves no in-game function other than housing restrooms. That being said, it appeases my personal lore that normal doctors would have 0 clue about how to treat a werewolf and their specific ailments (not to mention a werewolf from a pack like the Collective who has their own beliefs and methods on healing/treatments for their kind anyway) so a space such as this would be a necessity for any wolf pack.

The Volkov Residence: with Kristopher being the alpha, it only makes sense that the Volkov family home would be located in Granite Falls at the center of the commune, easily accessible from any part of the property. Although it's a large lot, again that's for a practical reason: I imagine a lot of the livestock and valuable resources are guarded by the alpha, so much of the lot's space is actually dedicated to those things. Kristopher, like the rest of the pack, lives quite simply and values practicality and inner peace above all. There are two interesting elements that set the alpha's house apart, however. First is a lookout tower, and second is the caging cellar*** beneath his home. Yes, a caging cellar is what it sounds like: it's a basement deep underground with barred enclosures that serve as dedicated spaces for "new turns," especially those that are particularly out of control of their bodies, or for particularly vicious/violent wolves that stumble across the commune's property - they are usually wolves without a pack, but occasionally Rory will have to come bail a Wildfang out lol. Needless to say this is one of many points of contention between Rory and Kristopher, but the wolves who find themselves in containment are not being punished: it's supposed to be a safety measure, and it's only utilized when necessary (but yes when you think about it, it's absolutely an ethical nightmare lmao).

** I have very convoluted lore about young wolves and schooling! The very brief overview is young children (newborn - kindergarten basically) do not go to traditional school environments and learn their basics from the adults around them at the community space (very hands-on learning style, like a non-traditional nature-based schooling). As they age, they do eventually go into town to receive their "formal" education alongside human peers, but there are still certain mandated lessons that are wolf-specific that they have to learn on the commune. Basically the "traditional" school acts as a part-time co-op where wolf children (1st grade to 12th grade, essentially) go to learn the things they cannot learn from the Collective (arithmetic/reading/writing/history/etc. you get it). It's funny because I'm sure most of their public school, non-wolf peers think they're a part of like a creepy religious cult or something lmao but they just can't have some teenage werewolf boy in the same gym class as a normie human unless they want an accident to happen, ya know?

*** Part of the contention with the caging cellars is actually rooted in the town's history with them - especially as it relates to anti-wolf hysteria and an uptick in hunters. As such, it's not unusual for them to be found in basements of some of the older houses in Moonwood Mill. Most of the younger locals have no idea what purpose they serve/served other than being lowkey creepy, but the older residents know what's up. In modern day, most people had theirs removed, not seeing a need for industrial cages in their basements lmao. HOWEVER, in my occult save, I have a headcanon that Celene López lives with her grandparents who are VERY educated in werewolf lore and although they're not against the wolves they do not trust them fully, so they still have a caging cellar in their basement... just in case! I have a whole storyline that I won't get into haha: I'll just say Lou became very familiar with that space when he transformed into a wolf. If you're curious about the details, feel free to ask!

Anyway, whew that was a lot but I think that just about covers it! As always, thank you for asking about this - I'm always happy to talk about this stuff, I just hate that it took me forever to get back to you! Hopefully it was worth the wait, and could help you or inspire you in some way as you build up your own wolf lore! I'm always curious to hear your thoughts about how you'd lay out Granite Falls as well, so feel free to share if you're so inclined. <3

+ For those who just read all this and have no idea what I'm on about, this ask piggybacks off of a previous ask on my werewolf lore which can be found here!

[cilil]

Headcanons: The Day of Love

I felt spontaneously inspired to write down my headcanons (yes, I've thought of this before a few times) for Valentine's Day in Valinor, or, as it's known there, the Day of Love, featuring both Ainur and Elves. Enjoy!

♡ The establishment of a dedicated holiday to celebrate couples and other forms of love and companionship was, as certain people (*cough* Melkor) would snidely remark in later ages, most likely inevitable due to Manwë being a hopeless romantic and Irmo's penchant for playing matchmaker (and subsequently winning bets he made with his wife and siblings).

♡ After Tulkas and Nessa were wed - within the circles of Arda, unlike the other Valar who espoused their partners earlier - Manwë was inspired to take action and create this holiday, as everyone had greatly enjoyed the festivities and many wished to have the opportunity to express their affection for their loved ones in a similar manner, without the pomp of a wedding.

♡ It was decided that the Day of Love would be in spring, as per Vána's suggestion. To this day, there's still some debate among the inhabitants of Valinor whether she simply thought the season was appropriate or whether she was making a thinly veiled mating season joke; the Ever-young, however, has declined to comment on this. It takes place in the month of Súlimë (March), much to the delight of Manwë, usually within the third week since this is (roughly) the beginning of the season, as determined by Yavanna and Vána.

♡ Over the ages, various traditions evolved. Among the first and most notable to this day is Manwë's poetry soirée, where everyone is invited to share their romantic poems and other writings - a special iteration of his regular writing group get-togethers that strives to be as inclusive and affirming as possible. Ever since the first Day of Love was celebrated, Manwë has written a new poem for his beloved queen every single year, and Varda shows her appreciation with breath-taking meteor showers. The event has naturally become important to the Vanyar in particular, especially those who are regulars among Manwë's fellow poetry enjoyers.

♡ Irmo and Estë take great pleasure in hosting a "casual tea time feast" (as described by the Lord of Lórien himself) that welcomes not only couples or friend groups, but also explicitly those who feel lonely on such a day and would like some easy company. While Estë and her Maiar serve herbal teas for health and good spirits and bake lots of delicious cakes and other treats, Irmo prepares his (in)famous punch which so far has never failed to get a party going and distributes special "love candy" that has also come under scrutiny a few times, but is still consumed with great delight by those who dare.

♡ Aside from (more or less) innocent tea party shenanigans, Irmo is wide awake on the Day of Love for different reasons as well, mutating into the kind of entity we know as Cupid. The use of arrows has been forbidden, but that does little to stop the Lord of Dreams and Desire from making his OTPs come true by providing a little bit of "assistance". He gleefully plants courage and inspiration into the hearts and minds of Ainur and Elves alike, so that they may finally confess those feelings they have been carrying around for too long. It has been alleged that he has attempted to play bingo with his brother in regards to these things coming to pass, yet nothing could be proven and Námo, as usual, was silent.

♡ Oromë, being in good spirits as hunting season is drawing near, likes to host a special hunting events where couples (and throuples and so on, naturally) can either compete against each other or team up to hunt and see if their love is strong enough to catch even the greatest prey. While it's all in good fun and the competitive side isn't taken seriously, Oromë and his people do hold the belief that the ability to work together and cooperate, as well as engaging in friendly, playful competitions without hostility or ill will, are important parts of a relationship of any kind and thus can be a good test for couples looking to get married in particular. It is also worth noting that the hunting duels of Aredhel and Celegorm have become particularly infamous and are to this day lauded as a great example.

♡ Tulkas, as always, is looking for a fun little fight and a good laugh, and those sharing his passion are welcome in his mansion for a special kind of celebration. Many Elves and Ainur alike seek to prove themselves in battle against their peers to win the affection and admiration of whoever they wish to court, as well as engage in friendly duels with their friends and loved ones. Making sure that everything is as fair as it can be, Tulkas presides over these fights with glowing pride and invites all participants to attend a great feast after.

♡ Said feast is usually coupled with a special performance by Nessa and her Maiar, as well as others who wish to join them, and afterwards everyone is invited to dance with their partners. It is not unusual for non-martially-inclined couples to spend their day elsewhere but attend Nessa's dance party in the evening, and oftentimes the lord and lady can also be seen on the dance floor together.

♡ For Yavanna and Vána, the Day of Love is yet another instance of their boundless generosity. The two Valier share their gifts and boons freely, providing flowers, fruits and materials for the crafting of presents; sometimes even advice to those who seek it. Year after year, their husbands show their gratitude - as well as vicariously for the rest of Valinor - by crafting and hunting special gifts for them, and it is said that the trees and flowers bloom even more beautifully on that day to celebrate their ladies' joy.

♡ Among the Elves, traditions are varied as well. Particularly famous is the pearl-diving of the Teleri, a test of both courage and skill where young and old lovers alike venture out into the sea and seek to find the most beautiful pearls to bring home to their partners. Ulmo gives his blessings freely to all who attempt such a feat and, together with his Maiar, makes sure that everyone returns home safely; over the years, many a daring Elf had to be fished out of more perilous waters. These pearls - and other treasures that were found - are particularly precious to the Teleri and objects crafted from or with them may even become family heirlooms.

♡ The Noldor, together with Aulë, Vairë and their Maiar, spend a lot of time before the Day of Love crafting wonderful gifts for their loved ones. These creations are a matter of great pride and may hold a lot of different, intricate meanings, often being a key component in courtship. Aside from all sorts of trinkets, couples are often seen exchanging promise jewelry. A particularly noteworthy occurrence over the years was the unveiling of a great Fëanor statue, made by none other than Nerdanel during their courtship, and to this day spectators claim that they have never seen Fëanor this speechless before or after.

♡ The Vanyar, aside from attending the festivities in Ilmarin, are also fond of music and love to sing or otherwise perform for their loved ones. Such performances are often done with special costumes and instruments, and the gifting of instruments is regarded as something especially intimate and meaningful. Those among the Maiar of Manwë and Varda who are not too fond of poetry like to join the Vanyar instead, offering their own songs and arts as entertainment. Eönwë and other avian Ainur are regularly asked for their feathers and even grow special plumage to accommodate these requests.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to take inspiration from these (though as always a little shout-out is appreciated if you create your own stuff based on this post ♡).

[soracities]

I’m coming to you because you seem very intelligent - not only in what you post/your taste, but also in your responses. Do you have any advice for integrating contradictory and conflicting parts of your personality? I want to be authentic, but I seem to resonate with very opposing things. I feel a split. Thank you so much ❤️

I've had this ask in the back of my mind for a long, long time and I'm sorry to only be getting to it now.

In all honesty, I don't think that "authenticity" is about eliminating contradiction—I don't believe that's even possible: human consciousness is....profoundly complicated and to even attempt to do so is essentially futile; we are as murky to ourselves as we are to others, and others are to us. I don't believe there is a fixed and final self that awaits us, either at the end of whatever journey we feel ourselves to be on, or at any given moment in our lives. It's not a linear thing to me (it isn't even a thing, to be honest), but more like a rhizome--a kind of constant branching and growing and moving. It is a series of responses that differ year by year, month by month, even hour by hour. The world happens to you, and you happen to it and this happening is constantly shifting. As it should! The real conflict, I think, is to try and surrender to the idea of a finished self that is coherent and complete because to do so A) potentially alienates you from experiencing yourself as you are at any given moment because you are tied up in what you should be, and B) can leave you stranded from the world around you because you're seeking finality in an existence where such a concept, literally, cannot exist.

Contradiction is not inherently a bad thing; we tend to assume that it equates to insincerity or, worse, deception but that is not always the case. I don't know exactly what your "opposing things" consist of, but I do believe it helps sometimes to consider that whatever authenticity you're looking for is not so much found in the opposing things themselves, or in the process of reconciling them to each other, but rather within the response that they evoke in you. The things don't matter as much as the interplay that happens between them and you, because it is in that interplay that you are actually present, or rather a distinct portion of you. There's a beautiful quote by C.S. Lewis where he talks about friendship and how there is a version of you that exists, and can only exist in the way it does, because of how it emerges when you are in the company of a particular person. Who you are with your close friend A may be subtly different to who you are with your close friend B, who may differ again from who you are with your friend C, and vice versa. But none of those relationships are insincere because of those differences and we would never think to dismiss them as such, either. Each of those friends is a different person, who responds to you, and to whom you respond in turn according to their distinctness. They are not contradictory but simply amplify different parts of who you are, in different ways, the same as how a piece of quartz reflects and refracts light differently depending on how you turn it, depending on where exactly that light hits. But no matter the angle, it is still the same stone.

The things that resonate with you are like that, I think; it's not a single instrument at work but rather a small symphony with different movements at different times. And the only real contradiction, the only thing-- at least in my view--that possibly will cause a split, is the belief that you need to force any part of yourself to cohere to a mythical, singular, state of being, which does not--which cannot--exist. Because honestly, it's all our multitudes that allow us to fully engage with the world as it finds us, that actually widen our awareness and give us a capacity for empathy and to accept the distinct otherness of other people and creatures: even more, it allows space for humility in our approach to the world because it accepts that there is so much more beyond the boundaries of what we know or think we know. It allows space for truths rather than A Truth and we've all seen (and are seeing) what happens when you build your entire view of the world, and yourself, on the notion that only one thing can be true at all times.

I think integrating is not always the right word--I think it's more about acceptance, because these opposing things in themselves are not really defining you; they're just the medium through which some part of you (it doesn't even have to be a part of you--it could be a question, an idea, even a passing curiosity) is finding an expression in the world, but this is not the whole and entirety of who you are and it does not need to be either. I've seen it a lot online, especially when it comes to fitting your interests into an aesthetic or neat category to list in your bio and it saddens and infuriates me in equal measure because it is far more limiting than it is freeing. Categorizing like this is about consumability, which is about whittling down all difference and variation (which, honestly, is where the truly exciting stuff happens). Not everything must be categorizable or listable to be valid. You are allowed to like the things you like without feeling as though you must corral them all into a coherent assessment of your entire being.

It is a lot more exhausting trying to harmonize all the conflicting and opposing facets of your personality than to accept them for what they are: different responses to different stimuli, environments, or events, that arise at different times, in different ways. They are not necessarily set in stone; they do not always need to make sense to each other, only to you. Do these things genuinely interest you? Do they excite you? You are no less you for liking one thing and then its polar opposite--you're simply coming into contact with a different part of yourself , or perhaps even just another side of a question you did not realise you were asking, which is always an incredibly exciting and intriguing experience because it means the potential within yourself, this vast playing-field of interests and questions, is never-ending-- it's a growing and responding with and to the world beyond you! It shows you that you are bigger and wider than you thought yourself to be! How exhilarating is that? (On top of that it is also a profound relief to know you are not obligated to be the same person at all times, in all times--you're a customizable character in an, admittedly absurd, but gloriously varied video game that requires literally nothing from you--you are free to show up however you want and add to the absurdity without needing to justify any of it).

I've said it before but as far as I'm concerned the self is not a destination; it's cultivation, like a garden. It's uncovering and recovering and discovering. It's not about the endgame because a garden does not have one; it's just filling time in with fragments of life, in various forms and stages. And I think that's all any of us can really do for as long as we're here--we fill our time in with life as we accumulate it, life that is filtered down to us through the lens of so many relationships and experiences with the world that to even attempt to try and quantify it and explain it all into neat concepts would cost us a significant chunk of the little time we have. I'm not saying that there aren't facets of yourself that it would be useful to question or try to understand, nor am I saying that all contradictions are positive and don't require change (if change is the healthiest thing for you). All I'm saying is that human beings cannot be easily defined and boxed away, and we do ourselves a huge disservice (not to mention immense violence, metaphorically and literally) when we move through life assuming we can, or should be.

At the end of the day, and if I'm completely honest, I'm not a fan of the word "authentic". I've always found it to be uncomfortably loaded--it's a word where the active meaning of it rests not with you but with other people's perceptions of you (it also seems to suggest a binary that I find far too reductive for something as messy and expansive as human thought and feeling). Whatever it is meant to represent is, to me, not some external construct that you fit yourself into; it's simply openness, honesty, and curiosity: about your own limitations, your interests, no matter how varied, the unpredictability that is part and parcel of existing in a world where nothing is guaranteed or certain, no matter how many ideologies we cook up.

All the different versions of yourself that have existed so far--the yous that are, either entirely or marginally, you no longer because you have grown and changed in accordance with the things that have happened to you--the things you have seen, learnt, read, the people you've met, or moved on from--are no less sincere for having been grown out of than the version of you that exists now, which will also be no less sincere than the you that will emerge 5 years or 5 months from now. And even some imprint of those versions--their thoughts, ideas, fears, passions etc., still remain: some louder and some fainter than others, some disappearing for decades and emerging out of the blue, some fading bit by bit, and then entirely. There is no towering and ultimate Self that unites all of these; our being here is a brief, beautiful palimpsest that just keeps going and growing and growing. The best thing we can do, I think, as we go about our small and often confusing lives, is accept and acknowledge them as such, and hold, perhaps, a small space in gratitude that we, tiny as we are, get to be part of this kind of expansiveness.

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie and the subversion of second lead syndrome

We know now that La Pluie is interested in using classic romance tropes, but in a way that twists or outright subverts them. We’ve already had a lot of discussion about the way the show is subverting the typical soulmate story by making the soulmate bond the main obstacle to the romance. And after this week’s episode, I think there’s another major subversion going on here: they are not in fact doing a love triangle with Tai, Patts, and Lomfon, and are instead subverting the usual dynamics that inspire second lead syndrome.

I touched on this briefly in my first post yesterday, but I want to expand on it a bit here. Coming out of last week’s episode, most of the audience (myself included) were braced for this week to focus on Lomfon’s pursuit of Tai, which would inspire some kind of face off between him and Patts, and push Tai into finally making a firm decision about his relationship. But that’s not what happened at all. Instead, this episode had the vibe of Tai and Patts continuing to act out their swoony romance while Lomfon impotently lobbed rotten fruit from the peanut gallery.

In this episode, Lomfon was a non-factor in Tai’s ongoing relationship development with Patts. Tai barely noticed his presence, didn’t react to any of his rude comments mocking soulmates, and essentially just continued focusing on his feelings for Patts and his ongoing internal conflict, wholly unbothered by anything Lomfon was saying or doing. Bow had to once again step in and tell him what was going on and try to convince him that Lomfon’s attentions are something he should be worried about. We saw Tai smile warmly at Lomfon a couple times, but if you paid attention, you’ll note he did the same to everyone he met at the camp. His most engaged interaction outside of Patts was actually with Nara, who he smiled at in just the same way, and we know there’s no attraction there. I think the show has been misdirecting us a bit by lingering on Tai’s glances at Lomfon as if they are meaningful, when in fact Tai is not considering Lomfon as a romantic partner at all.

This is also borne out in the way other characters react to Lomfon. Patts clocks his interest in Tai right away, but there’s no indication that he feels threatened by it. He is confident that he has Tai’s attention and interest and he focuses his energy on trying to strengthen the trust between them rather than trying to fend off competitors. Tien does confront Lomfon, but notice that his ire is about Lomfon’s attempts to interfere as an outsider, not about any response he is actually getting from Tai. Tien saw the happiness radiating on his brother’s face when he introduced Patts, and that’s why he is so protective. Tien is not concerned that Tai actually likes Lomfon back, he simply does not want anyone messing with Tai now that he’s finally starting to let himself be happy.

So if no one is actually concerned about Lomfon’s designs on Tai, where is the show going with his story? Well, we got some interesting information this episode that I think sheds light on that. It turns out, Lomfon’s skepticism about destiny is not as clear cut as he has previously claimed. Like most people, his beliefs are self-serving: hearing loss soulmates are bullshit because he doesn’t have one, but he counts someone he’s never actually met as his “first love”and believes he is destined to be with them. He seems to think Tai is the owner of that keychain, which is why he feels some claim over him and wants to reject the soulmate myth.

But as he is starting to see, if not yet accept, the myth is not the reason Tai and Patts are drawn to each other. If he met Tai before Patts was in the picture, it’s possible he might have had a shot (though still not assured, Tai really does seem to think of him primarily as his little brother’s friend). But now that Tai has met Patts he’s not interested in considering anyone else. And of course, even as he stubbornly clings to the idea of Tai as his fated person, Lomfon is growing closer to Tien and clearly developing feelings for him he is not yet aware of. Might the show have him conclude that the keychain was meant to lead him to Tien all along? Or perhaps he’ll realize that none of that destiny stuff matters because what he has with Tien is more real and substantial than his fantasies about Tai, and Lomfon’s story is all about him coming to realize that for himself without any major drama around him trying to interfere with Tai and Patts.

Once again, I believe the show is intentionally playing with classic romance tropes to take them in unexpected directions. They used our expectations around love triangles and second leads to guide us toward one understanding of Lomfon and his story, and to inspire in some of the audience a classic case of second lead syndrome, but are now veering off into a more interesting, more nuanced, less clichéd path that will actually land Lomfon in a much better place than we typically see for second leads. I think they’ll do the same with the classic trope we saw at the end of this episode - Tai’s reaction to seeing Nara kiss Patts won’t play out in the expected way.

Personally I am loving it every time this show zigs when I expect it to zag. It’s keeping me on my toes and really underscoring for me how years of drama viewing has conditioned me to respond to tropes. Keep fucking with me, La Pluie, I’m having a grand old time!

(Tagging @scarefox and @ginnymoonbeam who I cited here plus friends @wen-kexing-apologist @bengiyo and @kyr-kun-chan who have been talking through these eps with me.)