#and are probably mostly spending time around other codependents who do the same for them

[13eyond13]

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[enbysiriusblack]

james x sirius and all or any

all 💀

1. Describe their first date.

they go to the forbidden forest and run around in their animagus forms for an hour. they then make out against a tree, eat some baked goods that james' parents sent him and come up with prank ideas

2. Who wakes up early/Who sleeps in late?

james wakes up early, sirius sleeps in late (sometimes. i feel like his sleep schedule would be all over the place)

3. What was their first impression of each other?

sirius thought james was interesting and seemed very free and easygoing and fun. james thought sirius was very funny and unique.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

both but i feel like maybe slightly more sirius. because sirius is more restrictive with wanting affection, that james knows he's more comfortable with being the one to initiate it first

5. Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

they don't. sometimes very mundane/playful arguments but rarely, they tend to agree or enjoy compromising for each other

6. How do they make up/apologize after an argument?

i mean if they did have an argument, james would probably make it up with very sappy romantic gestures & words & apologies. sirius is just brutally honest and rationalises their argument & just says he's sorry if he is

7. How often do they say “I love you”?

everyday

8. What do they love most about the other? Why?

sirius loves james' sense of humour, his open heartedness, his abs, his passion, sense of adventure, competitiveness

james loves sirius' sense of humour, his biting wit, his handsomeness, his passion, his sense of adventure, his coolness

9. What do they dislike most about the other? Why?

nothing ever.

10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

they both enjoy sports & talked a lot about their quidditch teams when they first met, james finds sirius' mechanic hobby interesting but doesn't really understand the actual thing but tries to help out (he passes him random tools and yaps whilst sirius works). james loves hobbies. he has like 30. by that logic sirius is gonna share some of the same. but also they're so codependent that even if they don't particularly enjoy a hobby, they will embrace it in order to spend time with each other

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

they mostly just use their marauding nicknames (prongs & padfoot).

james does call sirius pet names as a joke (love, darling, sweetie, etc.) just cause sirius gets icked out by them

they call each other mate whilst snogging, on a date, raising a kid, etc.

12. Do they have a difficult time when separated from each other, or are they fairly independent?

extremely difficult fucking time. practically impossible for them.

13. How do they keep in contact when they’re apart? Do they write letters, talk on the phone, or simply wait out the time?

the two-way mirrors & writing letters constantly

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

james likes it but sirius isn't too big a fan of it. so they kinda tend to just sit on each others laps and hold hands and stuff but don't really snog in public often

they do not count affection in front of remus or peter as public. so they do that A LOT.

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

you're my best friend by queen, treehouse by alex g, i wanna be your dog by joan jett & the blackhearts, invisible string by taylor swift, naked in manhattan by chappell roan

16. Would they ever get matching tattoos? If yes, what would these look like?

they absolutely would. it'd either be like sirius getting deer antlers for james and james getting the canis major constellation or just a super weird random thing like both getting a tattoo of a ham sandwich or something

17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?

very well. very open with their feelings & thoughts. however i think james would have trouble differentiating his feelings for platonic or romantic so would kinda be a bit wobbly in that aspect

18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

like overbearing parents

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry?

all the fucking time

20. How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

sirius gets james to go play quidditch or go a run together or something and an hour or so into that james will tend to then end up venting. it is very effective

james finds a place for them to be alone and will seat close next to him and yap away about nothing for ages. also very effective

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

very much so (james the stay at home husband/dad and sirius working in a job he loves <33)

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other and being silly/playful?

very much so

23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?

codependent & hot

24. How do their personalities affect their relationship? Do their characteristics compliment each other, or clash often?

compliment each other in kinda clashy way? if that makes sense.

25. Do they share a room/house? If so, what does it look like and how does it compliment their personalities?

ish (i mean the dorm & living together at the potters for a quick minute). with the dorm (ignoring peter & remus' influences), james makes it a big of a mess which sirius has a tendency to clean up (however james will help when he notices sirius begin doing so), and sirius puts up a lot of posters. they'd also have like darts and a foosball table and stuff fs

26. What sacrifices do they make for the other

uhhh they'd sacrifice literally anything for each other ever. but specifically i can see sirius sacrificing meat when he's eating with james since james is a vegetarian (solidarity 💪💪), and james sacrifices uhh showing off ig

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

looking at each other

28. Who’s the better chef? Do they cook for the other?

james is the better cook but sirius is the better baker. they cook together (euphemia teaching them both)

29. Describe their nighttime routine.

brush their teeth together, get changed, sirius reads whilst james writes to his parents, they proceed to talk in their respective beds for an hour before james falls asleep, sirius then has a fag and reads more for a few hours before turning into padfoot and sleeping in james' bed

30. What are their respective love languages? Do their love languages work well together?

both are quality time and acts of service, but james also commonly give the other three too. so works well

31. Do they often go out on dates? What are these like?

probably all the fucking time. they'd go hang out with their friends then halfway through would call it a date and claim their friends are interrupting them

32. Do either of them drink? If so, who’s the lightweight, and how does their partner care for them?

depends. i sometimes write james as drinking, sometimes don't. i like to write sirius drinking a lot and then later going sober. but james would def be the lightweight between them nonetheless

33. How do they flirt? Who’s the worse flirt?

sirius doesn't really flirt (at least not on purpose). james constantly flirts and is shit at it

34. Do they have any inside jokes?

many many many

35. Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

probably not. like you could say maybe giving the 70s but also 1. i can't see them giving it a shit, and 2. is wizarding society homophobic?? idk

36. How do they feel about having kids? Are they in agreement?

younger sirius def wouldn't i feel but like. as he gets older i think he'd lowkey want kids. james wants kids so bad.

37. Who’s more emotionally sensitive/cries more often?

james

38. Who’s got a quicker temper?

sirius

39. When and how did they admit that they loved each other? If they haven’t yet, why?

platonically?? like end of first year maybe. when they're having to leave at the end of school year

not platonically?? sirius offhandedly saying to james and james not realising he meant in that way and sirius corrects him and james is like "oh. right. well yeah, of course i feel the same, mate?? i love you in every conceivable way"

40. Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

hmm nah. idk. 🧍🏻‍♂️

41. What would they do if they lost the other?

well sirius would apparently go after the person responsible, spend over a decade in prison wrongfully convicted, escape to save his son, end up on the run then trapped in his childhood house, then dying

james would crumble.

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

james despises sirius' family. curses them out on the daily. is their biggest hater.

sirius adores james' family so so so much and they love him too

they have all the same friends so 😭😭

43. If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

james would be in something a lot more stylish, a little more punk and black, and with half his chest on display. sirius would be in the tinest shorts ever, and james' favourite quidditch team's jersey (yes they'd be dressing each other in their own clothes)

44. Do they cuddle often? Why or why not?

always. in every form (animagi)

45. How do they support each other? How do they rely on each others support?

uhhh in every single possible way? they laugh at each other for failing like mundane stuff tho

46. Do they consider their relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

they deem it the most serious relationship ever ever ever (however early stages they'd be like confessing their undying love, snogging constantly, etc. then turn around and be like "oh it's just casual in that aspect and we'll probably stop soon, our friendship love is what's truly important and will never die"

47. Do they sleep beside each other? Why or why not?

all the damn time. constantly.

48. Do they talk about their future together? Why or why not?

yeah. they're always talking so ofc it'd come up at some point.

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

no

50. Would they ever break up? If so, why? Who would handle the breakup better?

they would never. ride or die fr.

ask game

[jaylienpotter]

How I think the vibes would be in that scenario for each ship you tagged:

Wolfstar

They live in a forest not very far to the village but still secluded (mostly because of the werewolf transformations), never far from James because him and Sirius are platonically codependent, or instead live anywhere but visit a lot through floo powder, they definitely have an extra room

The cottage is a bit chaotic, has a bunch of Muggle stuff (especially pop culture), some things work the muggle way, others with magic (like certain appliances), they mostly get things because they like them individually and don't care so much about how it'll look with the rest of the house, so it doesn't really match but they don't mind

They spend a lot of time in the villages, trying to find places to go and things to do, they also eat out a lot since Sirius never learned to cook at home and Remus was often tired, when he was particularly exhausted they'd stay in the whole day and do nothing together, mostly cuddle

Try to see their friends often, to not get lonely (they both suffer from it)

Started stargazing as a way to have Moony stop associating the night with the full moon and what it meant, Sirius told him all about the constellations

They probably pranked the villagers all the time, like taking Padfoot on walks and pretending he was an incredible dog that knew a lot of tricks and always obeyed

Jegulus

Cottage inside a forest of tall trees (prob pine tree forest), away from water because Regulus has a phobia, also so James can wander around as a deer

Cozy, traditional, lots of stuff for potion making, fireplace is always on unless it's really hot (which doesn't happen often)

Regulus has the black cat energy and aesthetic, looking like a somewhat traditional wizard, wearing black

James is more laid back, uses the ingredients mostly for cooking, usually is the one leaving the forest to go to the market and buy things they need (has to apparate or use floo powder because he buys a lot at once to avoid constant trips)

They enjoy cooking/brewing potions together or at the same time and going on walks

Jegulily

Cottage in a forest with diverse types of trees and some flowers

Lovely big cottage with a greenhouse where they plant their own ingredients (hc that Lily loves plants but can't keep them alive therefore isn't allowed inside), always smells of herbs

Individual bedrooms for personal space and style, as well as a main smaller bedroom they share, mostly for sleeping/being intimate

They all go on walks and take turns going to the village (Reg goes less or usually with someone because he gets drained faster)

James and Lily cuddle with cat Reggie (animagus), they probably also have an actual pet cat

They all have individual activities they do with each of their partners, like a special thing. Maybe Lily and Reg have library dates where they pick books for each other, Lily and James take dance classes together, and James and Regulus have broom competitions (with prizes)

Marylily

Picnic queens

Fun small colourful cottage in a flower field, close to a lake/river where they like to swim in, maybe in a muggle place

They love baking together, especially since they grow their own fruits and vegetables (here Lily isn't bad at gardening), both obsessed with strawberries

Own several animals, a bunny, maybe chicken (collect their eggs but treat them as pets), a bird they found hurt and never fully recovered so instead stuck around

They love to randomly dance, to pick flowers and run barefoot on the fields (maybe even roll around), laugh a lot together and probably get their clothes dirty all the time

Love inviting people over, especially the girls (big sapphic vibes), as well as going to the village markets to get home decorations (there's so much clutter), jewellery and clothes (that they share a lot) or food/ingredients

Pandalily

Fairy vibes (environment and their own fashion style, especially Pandora - who is autistic), live in a mythical forest with magical creatures and a big waterfall

Their cottage is made of wood, full of vines and enchanted candles (to make them not able to burn the wood), fully off-the-grid with no appliences, everything is done the old way or with magic, they also craft a lot of their clothes and accessories

They love going mushroom hunting and dancing with the spirits of the forest (and Dora calls them), very relaxed, don't leave the area often

Not very clingy, opting for softer contact, like holding hands, braiding each other's hair, caressing the face, putting jewellery on each other, etc

Their love language is gifts and quality time, they don't invite people over much, prefer to have that little paradise for themselves, instead they usually go over to their friends' houses

Dorlene

Their small house is in a field, not far from other cottages, enjoying the peace and quiet without being fully alone

The house is a bit funky, some mixed styles but it somehow worked, they share the bedroom but each have a side they can decorate to their liking

They love to sing together while Marlene plays the guitar or ukelele, they go to small gigs in pubs, even if they didn't know the performers, sometimes they'd do karaoke

Marls writes some songs she dedicates to Cas in private, they're always soppy despite her usual tough attitude (soft for her girlfriend)

Love a bit of banter and going flying, trying to catch each other (they also do this running in the woods)

Like spending time with friends (including the Slytherins, who are friends with Cas)

Never shop for food on their own because they need to decide together (Marlene is a picky eater and too indecisive)

They cloud gaze and make up stories about the shapes they see in the sky

Rosekiller

Live far into a dim forest, there's at least one cave around, they explore and go hiking (sometimes too recklessly)

Their cottage is maybe made of rock, it's kind of cold so there's a lot of fire (which Barty enjoys a bit too much), it's kind of minimalistic, most of their decorations are a bit creepy (like animal skulls or things they found in the wild)

Steal a lot of their food from markets, they spend a lot of time in the villages, mostly to get drunk at clubs

Don't invite people over for the most part, mostly meeting friends in the villages

When bored they start drama or pretend they're strangers and make a scene in public (usually involves shouting)

Make so many bets

Their dynamic is aggressive but they work that way, never being really mad in the end

Evan probably needed to convince his boyfriend not to set fire to the forest at least once, could only convince him by offering something in return

Hope you liked at least some of them heh (I was falling asleep while doing Rosekiller's, hope I wrote all I wanted to) - I'm too tired rn but i might add or rb with hc of them all living in a community

I love ignoring canon and thinking of all the marauders living together in a cottage with their partners

[yan-twst]

please take care of yourself! if it's not too much trouble, can i please request yandere riddle, ruggie, azul, and epel with a darling who confessed to them before they could even think of kidnapping/murder/etc? thank you very much!

warnings: general yandere themes,mentions of blood, mentions of death, non consensual drug use

riddle rosehearts

he’s taken off guard, at first. riddle is one to plan out everything, to make sure he has a guideline and follow it- his sudden obsession is no different

perhaps it’s early enough he can still tell himself his emotions were simply a crush, simply the kind of romance others speak of; after all, his darling just waltzed into his arms before his heart could provide thoughts of keeping them to himself, before he could grow jealous of anyone who spoke to them

and yet, instead of the newfound relationship putting a halt onto his tendencies, it does little but speed them up

his plan might have changed, but it will have the same outcome. the way riddle loves is controlling and possessive, by nature; having his darling so available and already close to him just fuels the fire

already being in a relationship just makes his heart grow all that much twisted. as his darling’s boyfriend, he feels entitled to their obedience, to their attention

after all, riddle craves control. he’s been controlled all his life, carefully regulated to be someone his mother wanted him to be; it’s only natural he fights to have absolute control now that he’s free, and this absolute control is just intoxicating when it comes to his darling

perhaps the fact they began to date him before he could develop his true colors makes it even harder for them to accept the relationship is rotten. after all, it began so sweetly- it’s hard to accept the way riddle’s behaviour morphs slowly, the way he forces them to follow his rules, how he tries to monopolize their time; after all, that’s just... that’s just him being him, right...?

it’s so difficult for his darling. they’re in too deep- riddle feels entitled to their everything: after all, it was them who asked for his love, right? as much as he’s tyrannical, he’s also desperate for the affection his own mother never gave him. 

he thirsts for power, affection, and reaffirmations; the way he drank up praise and smiled when his darling followed the silly heartslabyul rules at the start of the relationship slowly degrades into his demands to receive affection met by harsh punishment if denied, degrades into him placing so many rules it’s almost impossible for his darling to go a day without being yelled at for their “disobedience” no matter how hard they try

azul ashengrotto

one would think that being confessed to first would soothe azul. his insecurities are his achilles’ heel, after all; growing desperate at the thought of not being enough for his darling, putting on his usual act to impress them. but if they come to him first, even before he can start forging plans to rope them in, then- it should be fine, right?

but it’s not. it’s not fine, and his darling might realize so once it’s too late to escape the octopus’ grasp.

azul is greedy by nature. he wants more money, more contracts, more power over students, more notoriety. it’s not just enough to be dating his darling, not after a  while

it’s so easy to fall back onto bad habits for him, questioning if he’s truly enough, if they’re just with him out of pity; soon enough it only takes him spotting his partner smiling to someone else for him to convince himself they’re cheating on him because he’s not enough, for him to assume any moment they aren’t with him they’re actively trying to get away from him

and it’s just painful for his darling, really. it’s not as if they didn’t know azul had a softer, insecure side- but it’s exhausting to deal with him. emotionally draining. to reassure him every time, to have to prove they’re loyal, to prove their love... it’s almost just easier to spend every moment with azul to avoid him making assumptions

and it’s not like they have much of a choice either. if a relationship is 50/50, then azul thinks his darling’s half should be to not worry him and stay by his side at all times, something he’s eager to bring up. after all, refusing him is just begging for him to either get angry or fall off one of his many insecurity spirals; and both scenarios usually end up with his darling getting dragged away by the twins to “fix” azul

a relationship that started off fine is now just toxic. azul is desperately codependent and controlling, and this isn’t even as bad as he can get; really, his darling gets a front-row seat to see how he’s slowly enveloped in his obsession with them

it’s not hard for azul’s darling to fall out of love, not like this. the azul they knew at the start, the one they fell in love with is mostly gone by the time the three month anniversary rolls around- them trying to break up with the merman is almost a given, and yet that’s probably the straw that breaks the camel’s back and just makes azul fully succumb to his obsession

kidnapping, blackmailing, contracts, killing, violence; azul brings in the big guns once his darling tries to leave. he sees it as his insecurities and fears having been ‘correct all along’- he has to take control, has to make things work by force if it has to be so; after all, it’s clear his darling won’t stay anymore, so... he’ll just have to keep them by force, won’t he?

ruggie bucchi

ruggie might often appear quite relaxed and friendly, but he doesn’t hold himself too high. he sees himself as a slum cat, a no-good opportunist with not too many redeeming features, so when his crush confesses to him just a few days after he himself realized he had a crush is almost mind boggling

perhaps it’s that what keeps the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship alive for so long. the sheer disbelief and joy that he’s getting his way, that life is aligning itself for him to have something nice without having had to work for it

but the honeymoon stage isn’t eternal, don’t you know? everything that goes up must go down- in some relationships that might mean one loses interest, or grows bored, but in ruggie’s case it’s differnet.

he grows paranoid, grows selfish. his darling is finally his. he finally has something that’s entirely his own- no hand me downs, no stealing, no pity gifts; his darling was the one to come to him, they’re his, and they’re not for anyone else 

“something of his own” is perhaps a good way to just see all the ways ruggie’s brain is fucked up on this; his darling is something he owns, more of a belonging than a person. oh, don’t get him wrong- he loves them, he thrives off the attention (he needs it, almost, desperately begging for it) they give him- but in the end of the day, they’re his so they should do as he says, right?

he’s grown up knowing to hide and protect valuables, that everyone else is out to steal other’s precious gems; he comes from a dog-eat-dog world, and that sort of thinking poisons his heart. he can’t stand people even glancing at his darling, spending time with them; his heart says they’re trying to steal them, why wouldn’t they? isn’t his darling just the most precious thing? but they’re HIS precious thing- and it’s his duty to make sure nobody takes them away, right?

it’s so easy to get rid of people with his unique magic. it’s so easy to clean up any mess, with how used he is to cleaning. it’s so easy to hide remains in the vast sands that extend in the distance of the savanaclaw dorm

and it’s so easy to show his darling his work, to make them aware of how hard he works for them- of course, this is nothing short of using fear to control them, but hey, if it works, it works, doesn’t it?

after all, his darling is just that much more willing to stay nice and put in his room while he’s out if the memory of ruggie’s bloodstained clothes is engraved in their mind, and it’s so much easy for ruggie to get the attention he craves so badly if his darling is still processing the news of their close friends’ bodies not being found

epel felmier 

epel is not a complete stranger to being approached with a confession- although tragically, more than once it’s been some idiot student who somehow mistook him for a girl, only leading to bitterness and anger. so of course, when he’s finally confessed to by someone he likes- confessed to by someone who knows him, who is close to him- he’s over the moon

of course he’d worried about his crush not liking him due to his appearance; after all, he doesn’t like how fragile and lithe he is, so it’s hard to imagine others liking it (despite how annoying vil can be about how his form or whatever is perfect)

even though he knows his lover fully supports his endeavors to grow stronger, he knows that they’re weak to him. not in the way someone relies on a strong person, but because they love him- they’ll say yes to anything he says if he bats his eyelashes and speaks sweetly

and at first he doesn’t care. he won’t swoop that low- if his darling doesn’t want to do something he wants, fine. but then he starts craving for things he shouldn’t; he feels clingy and possessive, not wanting to see his darling smiling and laughing with others, not wanting them to wander alone- and suddenly he’s not above using his charm to make them give in

the fact epel wasn’t even aware how dark his desires could go just goes to show how unprepared his own darling could be. after all, at first it seems like innocent things; spending more time with him, not hanging out with students that are too flirty. it’s normal, it’s just small sacrifices needed for a working relationship

but isn’t it curious how all the sacrifices come from his darling’s part...? after all, it’s them who have to cut off contact with certain friends epel deems “too touchy”, it’s them who have to wait for epel to escort them between classes, it’s them who have to spend their free time and days off in epel’s room- but it’s so hard to call epel out. he’s so innocent and adorable; surely they’re just approaching things from the wrong angle, surely the relationship doesn’t have that big of a power imbalance, right...?

he’s a bit scared of himself, in all honesty. surely, not all relationships can be like this- surely, not all love can feel like this, can it...? he’s never been in love before, but he’s quite sure not everyone feels murderous urges to get rid of anyone who even looks at their partner, that not everyone gets as much satisfaction from seeing their partner cry as they do from a kiss from them. it’s not normal, but it’s his way of love- so surely he can’t be wrong for just giving into whatever his heart says, can he?

but epel isn’t fully in control until he brings in fear. love and affection are what he wants, yes- but those can only get him so far. he isn’t fully in control until his darling understands he’s the one in charge, he isn’t fully in charge until his darling is woozy off potions slipped in their food by him- potions that make them sleepy, giggly and obedient, that let him easily shove them into his room and perhaps attach a chain to their ankle, with them just hazily giggling about the situation instead of screaming, not able to comprehend the situation they’re in- the fear can settle in once the potion fades, after all

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[softer-ua]

i don't get people who act like izuku is a doormat wet towel who takes everything people (re: katsuki) dish him with no complaints... because we see him fighting back from day one. like this dude is so stubborn it could probably be considered his biggest character flaw. he does not take important things lying down and if he wants to do something he will do it no matter how many arm replacements it requires. i feel like we're looking at totally different characters when i see people insist bkdk would be katsuki bossing izuku around or saying deku would be "like a wife who gets beaten but still defends her husband"

OMFG yes! This is my biggest pet peeve in the entire fandom!! I’m convinced that it’s because they’re one dimensional people themselves who have never had a thought deeper than a deflated kiddie pool left in the hot sun.

They can’t imagine having unconditional love for someone and not also just taking their shit. Which is Not how love is supposed to work, you can absolutely and should have the duality to say “I love you and I’m not going anywhere ever” and be able to say “ya, see this the shit we are not going to do”, Deku has mastered the “I’ll be right here to give you a hand when you decide you’re ready to pull your head out your ass” stance.

Deku actually doesn’t search Kacchan out at all for the first few seasons except after DvsK1 to make it clear that he hasn’t been lying and hiding things from him. Otherwise all the leg work belongs to Katsuki, until after DvsK2 when Deku ask what Katsuki thinks of his shoot style and that’s the first time we really see Deku be the first to start dialogue between them. Everything before that has come from Katsuki.

We go all the way from episode 7 to 61+ without Deku so much as lifting a finger to go after Katsuki personally, he legitimately rescues him and has about the same amount of dialogue with him as Iida (Iida might have even said more tbh) Katsuki calling him out to start DvsK2 was why they even talked about it at all.

Deku still thinks about him all the time and is inspired by him constantly but he’s got his own thing going on and he’s not interested in spending time with a feral hedgehog that wears their ass a crown, no matter how much he cares about him. As long as Kacchan seems safe and stable Deku is fine with giving him space and caring about him from a distance.

Katsuki on the other hand

Is completely in-fucken-capable of minding his own business even when he’s not confronting Deku. If he can’t find an excuse to interact he’ll just stare at him in the background like an absolute dork. Deku wasn’t a pebble in his path, but a pebble stuck in his shoe, every thought he has is tinted green lol

My favorite example being this one

The walkway is a football field wide and Bakugo has to ver to the left to put Deku in his path so he can tell Deku to get out of his way, he literally could have moved all the way to the right and just ignored him. What stupid teen boy thing to do 😂

I think of them at the beginning as a self aware loved one and an addict.

Katsuki is addicted to his anger and ego, and as much as Deku loves Kacchan he makes a conscious decision to give him space for his own well-being. He understands the Katsuki is struggling with something he’s not will to fix yet and Deku can’t make him do so.

He’ll step in if Katsuki is in immediate danger but otherwise all the dumb shit Katsuki has to go through is his own dumb shit, if Katsuki reaches out Deku makes himself available to listen but not much more. Before DvsK2 it’s mostly Katsuki yelling half coherent feelings and Deku being like “if your done now I’m gonna finish my bagel”. It’s not until DvsK2 when Katsuki shows he’s ready to start working on himself that Deku starts trying to help him, it’s not until Katsuki makes it clear he wants to recover that Deku lets him back in his life. And even then it’s small very hero work based interactions, something Katsuki will feel comfortable with and a way for Deku to gage how serious Katsuki is about getting better.

Deku is fully capable of boundaries and tough love, and clearly expresses that with Katsuki and others. People seem to miss that because Deku doesn’t hold ill will towards Katsuki, but Katsuki is clearly not right in the head for like the first 2 seasons at least, so why tf would Deku take anything Katsuki says seriously let alone personally?

Boundaries should be for your own well being not to be spiteful towards someone else, tough love should be about those boundaries not a punishment and revenge game.

Deku is a kind and forgiving person, but he’s not helpless. He’s invested in Katsuki and their relationship but he’s codependent or clueless. Instead of projecting your own short comings on him, take inspiration to better yourself.

[thewayuarent]

What about this works for you?

This is a great question and, honestly, I don’t have a clear answer. I write this mostly not because Sand and Ray but because I am someone who experienced this type of dynamic in my life - twice.

I’m raised in a family with alcohol addict. And I was growing up watching how my parents were extremely codependent and very often unhealthy for each other. My dad is an addict, but my mom has her own form of addiction to this relationship. They are together for 34 years, and they won’t separate till the end. And mostly? They are happy. When my dad in his sober they are absolutely normal couple whose relationship based on love, and respect, and cherish each other (a bit too much). But when dad relapsing it’s a very different story. Cause both of them are unhappy and hurt and it happens so many time.

I spend years trying to understand. I learned to except them and have compassion towards both of them. I love them with all my heart but I promised myself that I will never end up with someone who has an addiction.

Can you guess how did it end? I was in relationship with a person who was not only alcohol but also drug addict. And of course it was way different for me than Sand and Ray dynamic cause I was always respected and loved and cared about. He was my best friend before we started dating. But I knew all along about his struggles with addiction and I still chose to be with him.

I would still be with him if he was alive, I know it. It never was easy, I always understood what I’m getting myself into. People told me so many times that it’s not good for me. I knew it. I still know it. I’m not stupid or delusional. And I thankfully have a therapist - I agree with you 100% that Sand needs it (but the possibility of him getting it is loooow).

The big difference with my reality and Only Friends is that both my experiences based on the fact they people actively try (or tried) to heal and quit. It’s not always successful but it is/was always here. And there is a big theme with people like me, or my mom, or Sand. We have that unhealthy level of compassion towards others and sometimes forget about ourselves.

And while I sit here every week thinking that Sand should go away - who am I to judge? I didn’t go away. I know I wouldn’t still if I had a chance. My mom asked me once (it was about them with dad but also me and my partner) - is it worth it? My answer is yes, but I truly get people who think otherwise.

The very important thing about Sand that you depicted here is: he made a choice. And I would argue that he has a whole list of reasons in his head why he shouldn’t.

We make this choice being perfectly aware of how it’s wrong and unhealthy and probably will ruin us. But sometimes we just can’t help ourselves - yeah, just like addicts.

The thing with Sand and Ray - I would bet on them staying together if it was only about addiction. But this is a big deal with clear power imbalance that I have no experience with so I don’t know for sure.

I always want for Ray to get better and to start a healing process and I do think Sand is a good for him. My mom is good for my dad and I was good for my partner. We can’t heal them - and we know that - but we can support them through the journey if they choose to do it.

As for Sand - the chances he’ll get into same dynamic even if not with Ray are pretty high. And it’s sad and probably very frustrating for people around, but this is a painful truth.

Their relationship are not healthy. They are probably doomed (at least it my strong belief cause of money and power imbalance and etc). But I desperately need for people to understand that this is a choice. Sand made his.

And maybe the answer on this question is: hope. We see them struggling and being unable to do it alone and we want to be here and we choose to be here even if it’s wrong for us. And it’s sad and tragic and a lot of savior syndrome happening. But this is how some of us choose to be.

Sometimes we get better. It’s always a journey and as an addict can get better or heal into stable remission - we can also. There is always a chance to not stuck in the same dynamics and grow and learn and that’s what I hope all characters will do. I also hope for myself, for example, that I won’t get myself into this type of relationship again. But when I think about me and my partner and ask myself - was it worth it? The answer is yes.

You're Mine No Matter What: The Commodification of Sand

I have been thinking a lot in the last couple weeks about the dynamic between Ray and Sand, namely the significant imbalance between Sand and Ray in their relationship to one another that has been at the very least, fun to watch, even as I have been slightly miffed at Sand being so much of a simp for Ray when Ray does not reciprocate these feelings. 

Now, @emotionallychargedtowel had a brilliant write up about Sand’s possible parentification and resulting need to play the caretaker for the people around him, which everyone should read. I loved it a lot because it puts Sand in to perspective, that he can be jerked around and insulted and still have care and still want to help the person who is actively and intentionally trying to insult him. Sand likes Ray, that much has been clear from the moment Ray rested his head on Sand’s shoulder after puking in Episode 1, but Ray? Ray does not see Sand the same way, as much as his puppy dog eyes may lead Sand to believe. 

To Ray, who is rich, and difficult to manage, and holds on so tightly to the belief he is a burden, Sand is a commodity, something Ray owns. And it is absolutely hilarious to me that I was thinking about trying to do this write up and drop it before Episode 8, and decided I should wait. AND I AM SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE RAY LITERALLY SAID AS MUCH TO SAND THIS EPISODE. 

Listen, I love First and I love Khao and I love FirstKhao’s chemistry, but in no way, shape, or form do I want Ray and Sand to end up together, they are terrible for each other, and Sand’s lack of self respect at this point is a motherfucking tragedy. I mean, think about it, what care has Ray given to Sand?

Drove Sand to his apartment after the party (and then ditched him in the middle of a make out)

Offered to buy him a guitar

What care has Sand given to Ray? 

Driven him home and taken care of him when he was blackout drunk 

Hung out with him when no one else was around to care: Paid

Hung out with him when no one else was around to care: For Free

Cooked food for Ray 

Changed his work schedule to play at the hostel party

Cooked breakfast for Ray 

Let Ray use him as an excuse to not go to work and instead spending the day with him on Sand’s birthday 

Helped Ray change his clothes 

Followed after Ray and tried to stop him from drunk driving after Ray called him a whore 

Saved Ray from his car accident

(Most likely) agreed to something from Ray’s dad 

Took care of Ray when he was injured including helping him shave and bathe.

Tried to save Ray from getting caught with drugs by the cops after Ray interrupted his time with another guy and kissed him without consent

Tried to fight the cops to get them to let Ray go after Ray essentially said that he owned Sand.

Sand is poor, he’s booked and busy, he’s barely got time of his own to spend on the things he enjoys, he is fundamentally a caretaker, juggling school, multiple jobs, and his mother’s health. We see how much of grind Sand’s life is in the montage at the beginning of Episode 5, he does not have room to slip another person in to his life, hell, the boy barely has any friends. He’s never hanging out with anyone unless it’s Nick and he’s at home. So it is very important to keep in mind that Sand is making time for Ray. Sand has a life that is jam packed and stressful, and Ray keeps asking for more and more of Sand’s time. Time Sand cannot really afford to give and gives it anyway. 

Sand is a caretaker, Sand has a crush on Ray, Sand cannot say no to Ray’s puppy dog eyes and chronic need for help. And the tragedy here is that there is a world where I can see how Sand convinced himself that he and Ray were maybe moving in the same direction. Because Ray couldn’t let go. They fucked once, and Sand said that Ray was going to keep wanting him, and he was right. From the very beginning of their relationship to one another, Ray has been the one constantly asking for and initiating physical intimacy with Sand. The first time we see Sand initiate anything really isn’t until Episode 5 when he goes slack jawed looking at Ray before they kiss and even then Ray is the one that leans in to meet him. Ray is the pursuer here, Ray is the one that stalks Sand, Ray is the one that interrupts Sand’s next one night stand, Ray is the one that is always asking if he can stay over, that is asking for help, that is asking for sex. So of course Sand is going to start thinking some type of way about what he and Ray are to each other, even if they haven’t had any conversations about the nature of their relationship. 

But I think Sand is so used to taking care of other people that he hasn’t really gotten it through his head that Ray doesn’t not feel the same. We see every twist of the knife in Sand’s face in Episode 5 whenever he is reminded of that fact. But I think that despite the shit that Ray has put him through, Sand hasn’t fully realized, or at least, he is refusing to admit it to himself that there is no scenario where Ray falls in love with him, because to Ray, Sand is a commodity. 

Sand is something to be bought. 

Sand is someone Ray can go to when he wants to be serviced. 

Sand is his favorite toy. 

Ray doesn’t like Sand, Ray likes the attention, Ray likes being noticed, Ray likes being cared for, because in his life, his friends mostly ignore him, his father mostly ignores him, his mother is dead and he grew up knowing that she hated him. Ray fell in love with Mew because Mew gave him attention and care, because Ray held him in the bathtub while he sobbed, and Ray has never been able to let go of that idea. But so too, has Ray not been able to let go of the other person who is providing happiness on tap. 

favorite photo ever, courtesy of @liyazaki

There are two critical details to remember about Ray. One- Ray is rich, Two- Ray has substance use disorder. Which means that Ray is constantly looking for the next thing that will make him feel good. He drinks to forget, he does cocaine, Ray by nature of his substance dependency does not have a concept of delayed gratification. Ray is extremely rooted in the present, in whatever dopamine hit is within the closest reach. And Sand and his natural tendency to give everything he has is one of the easiest things for him to reach for. Every time that Sand has tried to set a boundary, Ray has crossed it because he knows Sand has feelings for him, he knows he can manipulate that if he just begs cute enough. When he wants sex, he can get sex, when he wants adventure, he can get adventure, when he wants care, he can get care quick, easy, and cheap. Ray paid Sand once for his time, and learned he could be bought, and he has held on to that one time subscription fee extremely tightly. 

When it comes to Ray and Sand, there is no winning for Sand that is not defined by the two of them never seeing each other again. Because the second that Ray paid Sand for his time, Sand became Ray’s property, and Ray has never stopped thinking of Sand as such. And we know this is true because of everything Ray does and says related to Sand showing any level of autonomy that runs counter to Ray’s vested interests. 

Ray pays for Sand to hang out with him, and soon afterwards, Sand tries to bring a girl home from the bar for a one night stand, only for Ray to interrupt them. Sand ends up going home with Ray instead. Ray convinces Sand to keep making out with him in the car, and then casts Sand aside the second that Mew calls. Sand tries to put up a barrier and Ray is like “yeah sure I’ll care about your feelings, why don’t I buy you a guitar?” because Ray is rich, and so his first solution to conflict is to throw money at the problem, but Sand is easily sated by a little bit of crossed thumbs. 

Sand tries to set another boundary in Episode 6 after he learns that Ray has a crush on Mew, and Ray blows right through that boundary by as @emotionallychargedtowel calls it, “aggressively falling apart”. Ray, to be fair to him is not getting drunk and falling to pieces to intentionally rope Sand back in to his gravity, but Sand’s long held tendencies to help people are going to send him back to Ray every time, because Ray is desperately in need of help and no one else can really be fucked. 

If we weren’t already aware of Ray’s tendency to think of Sand as property, we get another great indication of Ray’s mentality around Sand in the same episode. When Ray is going off on everyone at the bar on Mew’s birthday, Sand tries to step in to stop Ray’s escalation. Ray does not take kindly to this, and says to Sand’s face, in public “You don’t wanna be a singer. You just want to make money. If you want it so much, why don’t you sleep with me?” thus associating Sand’s moments of physical intimacy and sex with Ray as purchasable, as commodities. Why? Because Sand could be bought once, and thus can be bought again. Ray doesn’t think about Sand as a suitor, he thinks of Sand as a whore, and again he says as much when Sand runs after Ray to try to stop him from drunk driving. 

Sand: “Stop thinking about Mew and focus on me for once. Can’t you really see that I care about you?”

Ray: “Why would you poke your nose in my business? What are we to each other? What are we?” 

Sand: “Right. We are nothing to each other, but at least I am your fellow human. I don’t want you to drive when drunk. You can risk your life all you want. But don’t you dare risk other people’s lives too.” 

Ray: “Let go of me you shit. Let go. Or I need to pay you, whore?” 

And thus we have our answer to Ray’s initial question, “What are we to each other?” “whore”. When Ray is wasted, and pissed, and Sand is showing active defiance over Ray’s behavior, Ray reverts immediately back in to the mindset that Sand is owned, that his behavior, his choices, his morals can be changed if enough money is handed to him. Because Ray has bought Sand before, because Sand is poor, and Ray is rich, and Ray thinks that the only thing that Sand could possibly want is more money. 

Sand will commit crimes for money (making and selling plum wine). Sand will hang out with Ray for money. Sand will sing for money. Ray comes from a world with money, it is not absent struggle, but Ray’s struggles are more internal, engrained in his family dynamics. He has never had to worry about making enough money for rent, he has never had to worry about violence being done to him or a loved one from debtors when they can’t pay their interest on time, Ray has never had to live in a world without money, and it is clear from the first episode that Ray is someone that looks down on  poor people, the way he immediately accuses Sand of stealing from him when he wakes up in Sand’s apartment. 

And again, to be fair to Ray, he is not the only one. A couple of the other rich boys look down on Sand the same way. Mew wants Ray to lower his standards and settle for Sand, as if a relationship with Sand would somehow be lesser, when Sand is a good person who cares about and takes good care of Ray, he’s just poor. Top, similar looks down on Sand, he stole his boyfriend, he thinks absolutely nothing of Sand. 

Ray gets in a car accident, Sand saves his life, and then Ray’s expectation from there is that Sand will take care of him. Sand (who has very limited funds compared to Ray) buys him a drink, he helps him strip, he helps him shave, he waits hand and foot on Ray. And how does Ray repay him? By jumping in to a relationship with Mew the very second an opportunity presents itself, leaving Sand once again in the dust. Because Ray doesn’t ever actually take Sand’s feelings in to consideration when he is making decisions. Sand is a plaything to Ray, and Ray has a shinier new offer dangling in front of him. 

Sand, once again, tries to set a boundary, establish a barrier, remind himself and remind Ray that they aren’t friends, they haven’t been friends, and Sand is trying to be the bigger, better person by letting Ray go, by telling him he is happy for Ray to have finally gotten what he wanted in his relationship with Mew. And throughout the entire exchange, Ray keeps looking so confused when he hears Sand’s consistent rejection of Ray’s wishes about how he and Sand will move forward in their relationship to one another now that Ray is dating Mew.  

“So what’s up with Mew? I heard he broke up with Top” Sand asks, and Ray swallows hard, in a way that I personally read as guilty. 

“Good, you can finally end the secret crush. Such a waste of time, right?” a confession from Sand that Ray picks up on. 

“Are you okay?” Ray asks, this is the second time that Ray has tried to check in on Sand after his relationship to Mew got in the way of his relationship to Sand. 

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re seeing someone you always loved. It’s a dream come true.” Sand once again is not acknowledging out loud or honestly his own feelings, but he is putting his own feelings aside to acknowledge Ray’s feelings. To try to, even still, even after how shittily Ray has treated him, even after how much Ray has taken Sand’s care for granted, spare Ray from feeling bad about fucking with his feelings. 

“Can we still be friends?” Ray asks, because he hasn’t ever had actual consequences for his behavior before. 

“Friends? You and I have never been friends from the get-go. We have nothing in common. Besides, I don’t know why I should be friends with you.” Sand replies, again trying to create a barrier between him and Ray that allows him to be free from Ray’s gravity. 

“But, when I’m with you, I’m so damn happy.” Ray says, because shit like that has always worked with Sand in the past: “Can we hang out together?”, “jerking off feels so good when you’re hungover”, “can you help me?”, and for the first time it really seems like Sand is sticking to his guns. 

*deep breath from Sand, who seems like he is fighting back tears he is so upset at hearing that Ray is happy with him and yet having Ray deny that in favor of chasing his next piece of ass* “You will be too when you spend time with Mew. What you did with me, you will get to do it with him. You might even be happier.”

Sand tries to walk away and Ray grabs him by the arm, because Ray has never once let Sand maintain a boundary, “Sand.”

gif from @liyazaki

“Let me go already.” Sand replies, and Sand here is begging Ray not only to literally let him go, but metaphorically, emotionally, to free Sand of this back and forth. To release him from this existence as someone to be jerked around, whose feelings can be trifled with because Ray isn’t fully capable of seeing Sand as a person with his own feelings that are impacted by the choices that Ray makes. 

And because Ray cannot let it go, cannot just let his precious toys leave him, he remains adamant about blowing past barriers as often as possible when it comes to his interactions with Sand. Sand literally asks Ray to let him go, and not long after that Ray is wandering back in to the study room where Sand is, trying to get them back on good terms. But again, to point out that Ray commodifies Sand, what is it that Ray is asks him for? Is it to go out to dinner with him? Is it to just hang out and chill? To go to the bar? Is it to apologize for his behavior? 

No. 

Ray asks Sand to come with him to do social work, to come with him to play music for children. Why? Because Sand knows how to play guitar, and Ray knows that he can wear Sand down eventually. But it bears reminding that Ray’s social work is court ordered, he is literally asking Sand to suffer the (very minimal) consequences of Ray’s drunk driving with him, and he’s trying to pick the social work option that is the least miserable, the least amount of work, and he is trying to rope in the only person he knows who can get him out of the types of social work that involve manual labor. Because Ray cannot play an instrument, so he would not be able to play music for children without Sand’s presence. 

Once again, Ray proves that he is not capable of associating Sand with anything other than a service provider. 

Or, as we see later on in the episode, as property. 

Because here Ray is, fucking with Sand’s feelings, dating Mew, making out with Mew at the party and there Sand is, not wanting to be at this party in the least but going anyway because he feels bad about what he did to Nick by stealing and sharing that TopBoston audio file, trying to move on, trying to kiss a random stranger with mutual interests at this party, only to have…

Ray interrupt them before they can kiss, squeeze himself physically in between Sand and Freddie #2, and asking if the two of them have slept together. 

“Did you sleep with him?” 

“Damn it, Ray. Are you high? How about you go to sleep?”

“I want to sleep with you. Or what, should we invite Mr. Freddie here to sleep with us? Let’s do it, I’ll go first,” 

AND THEN RAY GRABS SAND AND KISSES HIM WITHOUT HIS CONSENT (which I am pretty certain Mew would consider cheating especially after the whole ordeal with Top) when Sand was just about to consensually kiss someone who wasn’t Ray (again, Ray is unable to let Sand ever exhibit his own autonomy). Until Freddie #2 leaves them alone, assuming they are in a relationship, and not wanting to get involved with “someone else’s boyfriend”

“What the fuck is this. You have Mew now. What do you want from me? Go guard your boyfriend,” 

“I can have feelings for as many people as I want,” 

“But you can’t do this to me,” 

“Stop fooling yourself, Sand. You like me,” Ray points “You love me. You can’t walk away from me. You’re mine no matter what.”

gif by @moonkhao

and there is a reason why they put Ray in the fucking Joker’s costume for this episode, cause that boy is acting toxic as all hell. So even now, Ray isn’t sated, Ray made his choices, Ray picked Mew, Ray left Sand in the dust, but Ray cannot separate Sand’s autonomy out from Ray’s possession of him. I love Only Friends for the level of hypocrisy they allow their characters to have. Ray is allowed to date and have feelings for Mew, and to want Sand, but Sand is not allowed to move on from Ray, Sand is not allowed to have feelings for other people, let alone just make out with a stranger or fuck somebody else without any feelings involved. 

And I cannot stress enough that this is shitty behavior on Ray’s part, this isn’t cute, this isn’t funny, the extent to which Ray is possessive over a person he has no right to act that way towards is inconsiderate, rude, and objectifying. Sand is not allowed to have his own thoughts, Ray must put words in his mouth. Sand is not allowed to move on from Ray, Ray will keep pushing Sand’s boundaries until Sand relents because Ray knows he can manipulate Sand’s feelings for him, Sand will always be a caretaker and Ray will always need taking care of. Sand is maybe waking up to this fact, or maybe the horror in his eyes when Ray is yelling at him is Sand realizing at the very least that Ray knows how Sand feels about him, and Sand is admitting to himself in this moment that like Nick, he can’t help but love this person who has treated him poorly. 

Because Sand is a caretaker, and caretakers, at least in my own experience, are used to having their own wants and needs trampled over. No boundary withstands first contact with someone in need of help. I have tried to reach out and give support to people that I know didn’t like me after they went through hard times together, I don’t talk to my friends about shit that is actually and actively impactful to my mental health and wellbeing, many of the people I am friends with frequently only reach out when they need something from me. If they needed homework answers, or if they needed observation, or if they needed to be picked up early in the morning from the airport and otherwise they never really talked to me. Like, I get a lot of where Sand is coming from with his need to take care of Ray because Ray is a young adult, going through a lot, in need of a lot of professional help he isn’t getting, and Sand can’t not be compelled to help him as much as he can. 

And listen, in my opinion some of Sand’s actions with Ray are justified from a safety perspective, Sand is a caretaker, Sand knows Ray is willing to drink and drive, Sand puts his pride aside to try and ensure that Ray doesn’t leave in his car, and then follows him to make sure that he doesn’t get in to an accident. Those actions make sense to me.

gif from @bird-inacage

Sand doesn’t want Ray to get in to any more legal trouble, so tries to hide the evidence of drugs and get Ray out of the party, which in a normal circumstance I would generally be in support of, but crucially, as @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan have touched on in some of their posts Sand cannot afford a run in with police.  Not in the same way that Ray can. Ray is rich, Ray says he can handle the cops, and he can because he can buy them off, the way that Top bought them off. But Sand doesn’t come from a world where he can skirt consequences. 

But there are many places where Sand lets himself get trampled over because he has legitimate feelings for Ray, and Ray won’t let Sand make his own choices long enough to wake up, look around, and realize that Ray has literally given him nothing of substance in return.

[thegeminisage]

hi, sorry for answering you both so late, i am putting your answers together since they are sort of related!

the short answer is, i can’t write a “real” sequel to broken road but the third part of the triptych would be the indirect dean/cas spiritual sequel, except with way more porn. the long answer is:

i just don't think i could write a true direct sequel to broken road set in that same continuity because i don't have anything left to say about john and how he gets along in the real with his family world now that he’s stuck there and they’re all stuck with each other. my main three points of interest that i felt were left unresolved would be the continuation of dean and cas's relationship (more on this in a sec), sam and eileen (ditto), and figuring out if john and mary ever made it work or called it quits for good. so if i wrote a sequel to broken road it would just be a bunch of john/mary stuff that i feel underqualified for because it WOULD involve their sex life and i DO NOT want to write john having sex. them fucking offscreen in broken road was as close as i'm ever getting and even that was weird. and then somehow i’d also have to work sam and eileen into that and it’s not at all related. it would take two fics and i don’t even want to write one. also, i really kind of want to leave the question of john and mary open anyway - i have my own thoughts about how things ultimately end up but i prefer to let the reader imagine what ending they like best, since people have such strong feelings about it. i know that's a little bit of a cop-out and i'm sorry! but it feels beyond the scope of that fic and also a little beyond my scope and area of interest as a writer.

if it helps you any, i imagine going forward their dynamic is a lot like it is in the epilogue, which is part of why i made the epilogue so long, was to give you a good idea of what life is like for them now. but here’s what i imagine might go down after the final curtain call (this is LONG, skip to the section labeled “dean” for the triptych answer):

john & mary: 

john continues to suffer and bite his tongue and probably do a lot of complaining and DEFINITELY do a lot of avoiding being alone with dean or cas or dean-and-cas. john was expecting to retire after yellow eyes died so he really wouldn't know what to do with a family that still hunts for "no reason" and i imagine he'd be pretty pissed that they still hunt at all. i expect he and sam would butt heads over that

mary would probably keep attempting to be supportive and keep being bad at it, and spend a lot of time trying to put a brave face on it while secretly dying inside, because she's constantly at war with herself. here she has john back, but not the john she remembers, and spending time with him is difficult because she wants to let herself have him and take comfort in him and also she doesn't want to be anywhere near him because he abused their kids

eventually mary or john or both would have to leave, though mary would come back - in canon she's in and out a lot anyway, she stays for awhile and visits regularly for game nights. i think john would miss the first game night, get one "seriously?" text from mary, and then show back up every week that he possibly could but also not visit unless it would make things worse if he didn't. i don't think he particularly enjoys spending time with his family for a long time, if ever, because much like season 12 mary he came back to a family he barely knew or recognized (and because of what he knows now spending time with dean would be particularly awkward). HIS sons would be getting married to women and retiring and having biological children. this gay adoptive whatever the fuck makes them feel like they are not his sons. 

anyway, i imagine john and mary would do much better when running into one another outside of the bunker, on their own separate hunts. they might even take one or two together. there’s probably some very guilty sex in their future at some point because mary is real fucked up. john post broken road does a lot of shutting up but i think around mary he would be the most like his old self. they do this will they/won't they dance for the next decade at least before finally making up their minds one way or the other. i do think they all still go on hunts together sometimes, maybe even with the apocalypse world hunters, and since that's sam's deal john is probably kind of quiet and falls in line and does what's needed without chatting much to anyone. i bet the first few times people don't even realize he's sam's father because he's so quiet. it's his way of trying to apologize to sam and also if he steps out of line when sam is in charge sam would <3 deck him. yes. but yeah i see it being very brisk and professional and awkward, until they all get used to each other again

sam: 

as i said earlier the only thing i didn't fix in broken road was eileen, so at some point sam would figure out a way to get her back - since in this verse jack never becomes soulless and chuck never returns and we never get season 15 it's possible she shows back up because she didn't go with her reaper, or because someone fucked up a summoning spell, or sam realized she was in hell and decided to spring her, or she just crawled out on her own like a badass. i think it would be kind of funny if john was involved with her resurrection but maybe accidentally somehow, so it's not like oh sam learns to forgive his dad because john did this really nice thing for him it's more like UGH why did it have to be YOU why are YOU involved in this important thing that has nothing to do with you slkdjfghl but also if you hadn't done it she'd still be down there or something, so, it cancels out. or idk maybe john had to work hard at it or give something up to make it happen. he has to genuinely shut up and be selfless and not fucking complain and feel sorry for himself the entire time, that might be fun too. either way sam would not thank him

(though i do think sam deserves space to explore the fact that he loves john even still, even despite the fact that he also hates him/is very angry with him and always will be. i don’t imagine sam and john ever fully reconcile but i imagine john behaving BECAUSE OF SAM SPECIFICALLY offers sam more catharsis than he thought possible.) 

anyway, john would be so relieved to see sam with a woman even if she is a deaf hunter but then it turns out she hates him like sam does so like. sucks to be him! meanwhile sam and eileen get to catch up and he finally has a willing ear (so to speak) that isn’t cas or mary to talk to about this stuff and of course SHE has someone who very much understands what it’s like to come back from hell. part of what i really love about sam and eileen is the way they sort of instantly and intrinsically recognized and understood one another, even across something that resembles a language barrier, and this hypothetical future would be no exception. there’s no way they don’t get engaged inside a year, and much like in the 15.18 fixit they’d sometimes hang at the bunker and sometimes not. i imagine with the apocalypse world hunters going in and out though it’s never exactly empty or lonely there. 

whether or not their family unit ever retires and/or moves out of the bunker in this verse is sort of beyond me because my feelings on it change daily but you can imagine whatever you like! however i am adamant that the furthest away from each other sam and dean will ever get permanent-living-situation-wise is next door/across-the-street neighbors. their weird little codependency is part of what i like about them and i have a Whole Thing about not “gentrifying” dean. but for the most part sam would be very much doing his own thing which involves john very little, and healing from his own damage with people OUTSIDE of his blood relatives which he very much deserves. and he has moved so completely past the need to care about john that like john is a backdrop in his life, albeit one with baggage. but mostly he becomes someone to keep an eye on in case he makes trouble, no different than a hundred other surly hunters sam’s known. and he can still be there for dean without his life revolving around dean because now dean has other people there for him too. (i ALSO have a whole thing about sam being in the life for dean specifically, that he’s giving up some or all of adulthood for dean because dean gave up childhood for him - kind of the way someone takes care of their kickass single mom in old age. it’s a guilt/love/debt/devotion sort of thing.) 

and speaking of the Eventual future, if babies ever come into this picture (sam and eileen’s, to be clear, dean and cas are probably satisfied with jack, NOT THAT JACK ISN’T ALSO SAM’S CHILD) john is allowed to see them but never unsupervised. i’m picturing like sam and eileen both on their third day of no sleep and sam lets john change a diaper because he’s exhausted and john considers that the best their relationship has been since sam was 6. mary always wanted to raise babies and sam likes her better so she’d get to pitch in with much more enthusiasm (and aw they’d finally get to bond a little more), and dean has raised a baby already so he’d probably try to like help and get waved away a lot like no no raising other peoples babies is no longer your job it’s ok. there is eventually a fight about this

cas & jack: 

castiel lives a great life caring for his newly re-graced son and staring at john when he enters or leaves rooms, and i imagine eventually jack gives him his wings back, since he can do whatever the fuck he wants (i'm not giving jack his own section but he also probably keeps acknowledging dean and cas are a couple like out loud which would be fine except for dean is still half in the closet like a skittish traumatized cat so eventually cas would have to explain very gently that nobody was supposed to know that yet and jack should cool it to give dean time to adjust)

anyway i DON’T believe in human cas, i believe he likes being an angel, so he just gets to stay an angel forever and now he has wings too <3 and he can teleport which spooks john in the exact same manner it used to spook dean in s4 <3 except this time cas is being <3 malicious on purpose <3

cas fully won here because like john does NOT want to speak to or acknowledge him much less be in the same room as him so they tend to have a dynamic where like all 6 of them are in the room and cas dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other and john dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other but cas and john do not talk to each other. cas doesn’t have to threaten him or glare at him constantly anymore like all he has to do is look at him. and john is like. man what’s he gonna do. that guy is having sex with your son and there’s nothing you can do about it! so dean doesnt have to be like ok cool it cas anymore because cas has literally won in every possible way. i think at most it’s very much cas being like “if i were trying to kill you, you’d know it <3″ and john can’t return those vibes to sender because then dean would be like ok cool it at his DAD instead. it used to be cas don’t piss off dad and now it’s dad don’t piss off cas. anyway i think that since cas has let dean lean on him so much it would be nice if he could lean on dean a little. again more on that in a minute

dean: 

and finally, as for dean...i think he needs a year minimum to dean with people acknowledging he and cas are a couple and another 3 for it not to be weird to say cas’s name in front of his dad. absolutely zero pda in front of john ever but he might like eventually get to the place where he and cas can lounge around together on the couch while they watch movies with the rest of fam and it’s not a big deal. sneak an arm around him at a movie theater. kind of the same vibes as the 15.18 fixit but with less anxiety. because like the worst possible thing (getting outed to everyone) has already happened and aside from the outing itself being completely horrible nothing that terrible even came to pass as a result, so he’s just Adjusting. i think he sort of has to unlearn and relearn his habits - his mediator thing, his defending dad thing. i think there’s a lot of times where he just walks out of a room when shit is too much for him to deal with because he has let go of some of the need to constantly micromanage his family’s interactions to make sure they don’t boil over. michael already took that scenario to the max and mary already dumped john so there’s really not much left to be afraid of. i think he gets told “that’s not your job” a lot and maybe listens more than he used to. and to bring us around to the second question...

i also think dean would get weirdly hung up on the fact that he and cas’s sex life is Not Normal - as in, they fooled around a little and that was it. i think dean would have a huge problem with that. like, obviously he has A Few Hangups About Gay Sex given his history but if you’re a couple you’re supposed to bang on the regular and it’s totally homophobic if he doesn’t bang cas as much as he’d bang a lady he was committed to, right? he’s not gonna give cas less than he gave cassie or lisa, that’s not fair to his best buddy and number one pal! 

meanwhile castiel, known asexual, is utterly and wildly neutral to the whole idea except that it’s a way to be close to dean. cas would be just as happy fucking like champions for a six-hour marathon or spending that same six hours curled up in bed together while he plays with dean’s hair. like, same diff. you know that thing about like “cas thinks everything is important he gives the same gravitas to the apocalypse and a nine year old’s birthday party”? like it’s exactly like that with sex and cuddling and sharing a meal together and driving together and watching dumb movies like it’s all time spent With Dean so it all matters just as much.

so we have this conflict where dean is tearing himself apart over the fact that he’s taking a normal human amount of time to “work up” to the whole thing and cas is like. but it’s fine. it’s literally fine. and dean’s reaction to this would be something very offended like hello excuse me i am super hot and fuckable and you don’t WANT me?

if this all sounds familiar that’s because i’ve written similar stuff to it before! if you go to the fic page for broken road, you'll see it's part of a series now (the "triptych"), with my dumb little 15.18 fixit as the prequel. even though continuity-wise these are two totally separate fics i feel very strongly that that fic is the spiritual prequel to broken road, and eventually, a long time from now, after the next @cambionverse​ fic is done or at the very least well underway, i'd like to write a spiritual sequel. a triptych is three works that stand on their own but also make a more complete whole, so even though these three stories would not be related at all in continuity of where they take place in canon, they each set the stage at a different part of the dean/cas relationship. so fic #1, the get-together, had no sex at all, and it was very short. fic #2, pre-established but just barely, had a little sex in it and it was very long. fic #3 then would be pre-established but like VERY pre-established and have a fuckton of sex in it, and be medium length. i’m ha ha basically writing my own nc-17 porn coda since SOMEBODY won’t do it for me (if you got that joke you’re entitled to financial compensation). 

except i actually really do want to tackle this subject myself, it’s stuff i only got to touch on in the other fics because it felt off topic, so in this fic it WOULD be the topic! i really found a groove i like with cas who has almost no trauma around sex but doesn’t care whether or not he has it vs dean who really really wants to have sex but has a minefield of past bad experiences he has to watch out for. and i like writing porn anyway and i didn’t get to write very much these past two fics. i’ve always said that i think dean would snowball (not like that, gross) - it’d take him FOREVER (literally a decade plus) to work up to kissing cas but a fraction of that time to start fooling around with him and a fraction of THAT time to blow him etc etc. the more he does the easier it gets. i feel like it’d be a lot of fun to write. 

so, this third fic would not be an official broken road sequel, because there’s almost no plot outside of the porn to speak of anyway, but if what you wanted was to see how the dean/cas went from where it left off, hopefully that will be satisfying in that regard.

i should say, while the third fic would be almost exclusively porn there is one plot element involving ********** that i am not going to talk about on tumblr because it would ruin the surprise. i have told a few people privately and i will tell you if we know each other pretty well but if you know (or guess) don’t tell anyone! 

see, the other thing i would want to tackle in that fic is how cas has his own traumas and baggage, even if they’re a little different from dean’s, and i think dean sometimes gets so deep in his own stuff he kind of...not forgets that exactly but forgets how profoundly it still affects cas, because by and large cas deals with that sort of thing a lot more quietly and in much healthier ways than dean does. not that his self-sacrificing ass is the poster child for mental health, but for example cas recognized suicidal ideation in himself and actively worked to keep himself away from situations that would make it worse. he translates his bad feelings into meaningful action (well, he attempts to, even if it usually goes wrong). so he hurts kind of quietly and in late season especially most of the worst moments of his life are behind him (barring jack’s death, which doesn’t happen in this verse). so he’s also further along in his healing process which mean dean kind of forgets how fucked in the head he can be. and in the uh...unusual situation...they find themselves in because of this minor plot, it becomes something that he can’t not notice, that they can’t just not talk about, and cas gets to lean on dean a little, they sort of get to know each other better. so that’s part of the point of that one little plot element. but the rest of it really is porn.

i haven’t started work on the third fic yet - i don’t have a title and my outline is just a bunch of choppy ideas and i have about 2000 words of the middle of the fic jotted down out of context. (it was originally going to be a shorter unrelated thing before i realized how well it tied to what i already had.) i have another obligation to see to before i can get started on it (again, @cambionverse​, you should read it if you havent, the concept might sound unappealing but almost everyone who tries it likes it and it’s way better than broken road). so it’ll probably happen a very VERY long time from now! but it IS happening. >:) i just hope after the first two fics in the triptych were so well received that it doesn’t disappoint 🥺

[stxrrywildflower]

disbanded (4)

pairing - spencer reid x reader

summary - after emily’s death, the still grieving bau team disbands in hopes of the time off doing some emotional healing. however, for you and spencer, strauss recruits you for your own individual team almost immediately. months later, after new case details are discovered, you and spencer are forced to call in your old team for assistance

warnings - mentions of case

note - well this is the final chapter of the disbanded series, thank you all so much for the support with this series and i’m so happy with how it turned out. i hope you enjoy!

series masterlist

just as emily had predicted, her return was proving to be more difficult.

a lot of changes happened in the first week emily was back. j.j. had been promoted to a profile, finishing her courses and case rotation. you and spencer were back, signing your contacts with the fbi and gaining your official badges back along with smaller stuff like your desks.

the biggest challenge was everyone emotions. a lot of trust had been broken. phrases such as ‘psychological counseling’ and ‘therapy’ were tossed around. no one quite knew how the handle it, how were you even supposed to deal with a situation like that?

but like most of the time, work came first.

a case in oklahoma had been presented, a man murdering women and robbing them of there senses. you still weren’t cleared to fly, deciding to do whatever work you could from quantico.

while penelope worked in her own office, you remained up in the conference room. it was mostly just a geographical profile and victimology but it did help in the long run.

you had thought the case was going well, as good as it could be going, but there was a lot of tension and some faults. you didn’t hear a lot of the details, only ones passed through phone calls.

that was, until spencer called you one night, crying into the phone.

“hey?” you started in a calm voice. “what’s wrong?”

spencer took a deep breath. “i have every right to be mad, right? with the whole emily situation and all i mean,” he first asked. “of course, we all do. what happened?”

“j.j. and i got into a fight. it was pretty bad. she said some pretty bad things, i retaliated and i stormed out,” he spoke. his voice was pretty shaky, you could almost hear the tears flowing down his cheeks.

“alright what can i do?” you asked, just wanting to help him calm down.

“just talk to me, please,” spencer pleaded. you smiled, “well penelope and i are about to go out to dinner. we’ve been pulling a few all nighters with this case but we just got the okay to take a break. i’m pretty sure she chose that one indian restaurant we used to go to? i’m still pretty exited,” you rambled. spencer just smiled on the other end, happy to hear your voice.

the team was all in various seats around the jet, some talking while other wanted to sleep. it had been a long case after all. spencer chose one of the corner seats, wanting to relax and wind down while doing some reading.

spencer looked up just to see emily slide into the seat across from him.

“are you going to rossi’s tonight?” she asked.

spencer shrugged as a response, eyes still scanning the pages in front of him. “i’m not sure, i really want to see y/n. it’s the longest we’ve been apart for while and i just want to make sure she’s okay. you know, wirh being back and all,” spencer commented.

“well i mean it’s a team cooking lesson, y/n should be there too. i know it’s still new but you both are apart of this team. that means that you’re both invited,” emily replied.

“are you codependent on each other? not in the extreme sense i mean.”

spencer sighed at that, the question being slightly suprising. “what do you think emily? you’re a profiler. you spend eight months with the person your in a relationship with and barely have any time to even call home.” the genius became frustrated at that last sentence, adding extra emphasis on the words and closing his eyes while taking a deep breath.

“i know everyone’s relationships are a bit rocky right now but it would be really good to see you at rossi’s tonight. i’ve missed you all,” emily spoke. spencer remained quiet, going back to his book to signify the end of the conversation.

a knock on the door interrupted rossi who was showing how to properly sauté the vegetables needed for the pasta dish.

“i got it,” morgan announced, placing his glass down and disappearing from the kitchen.

meanwhile, you and spencer stood outside of rossi’s home, waiting for someone to answer the door after you knocked. it was clear that the event was more casual, you choosing jeans with a tank top and cardigan for that reason. spencer dressed down in a t-shirt and blazer.

“hey guys,” morgan greeted. “glad you could make it.”

you smiled at the agent, moving further into the house, morgan leading you and spencer.

“sorry we’re late,” spencer waved once the three of you arrived in the kitchen. “and this is why i cook alone,” rossi commented. you found a spot in between morgan and spencer, j.j. next to him.

a speech was made after that, you all clinking your wine glasses together for a toast. dinner was next, plates of pasta being dished our to everyone.

as the cooking lesson and dinner had concluded, the team had resorted to various areas of the home, no one wanting to head home just yet. it was rare that everyone got to spend time together outside of work.

j.j. and emily were talking quietly on the staircase, occasionally sipping wine out of their glasses. morgan, garcia, and hotch were in the game room, playing pool with bets placed on the winner. rossi was cleaning up, humming quietly along to the music playing out of the speaker.

that left you and spencer, who had retreated outside to the patio area. you took a seat on the stairs leading to the backyard, spencer sitting beside you. outside was super dark, due to the time of night it was. the backyard did have string lights wrapped around both the trees and beams creating a warm glow.

you leaned into spencer, running your hand over his knee. it was truly beautiful outside, you figured you might as well spend the time you could out there.

“i hope i’m not interrupting anything,” a voice called from the sliding door.

emily stepped out on to the patio, wrapped her jacket a little tighter around her. “just relaxing,” you replied with a slight smile.

“i think i should let you two talk. morgan probably needs someone to beat him in pool,” spencer spoke. with a kiss to your temple, he was up and heading inside.

you stood up before she could sit down, motioning for you to follow with your hand. the two of you walked in silence towards the pool area. you took a seat down on one of the lounge chairs, emily doing the same in the one beside you.

after reclining back, you used one of the pillows to rest your arm on.

“so how did you get injured?” emily asked once she saw you grabbing a pillow. “i’m sorry about grabbing it the other day. i really didn’t realize it was casted up.”

“it’s all good. i was chasing after an unsub and it turned out he had rigged a building with some explosives. it blew up and i got thrown back by the blast. my wrist bent the wrong way which is why it’s in a cast. my shoulder was when that same unsub tackled me and forcibly dislocated my shoulder. spencer got him off before he could do any more damage though he did suffer a nasty cut,” you explained as if it was no big deal.

emily nodded along, playing the story in her head as if she was there.

“isn’t it crazy?” you spoke after a few minutes.

“what?”

“that there were nights where we both could have been looking at the same stars. and neither of us knew.”

that sentence made emily feel extremely guilty. “y/n,” she started. “i mean i get it. doyle would have killed you and us if you hadn’t faked your death. i’m sure we’ll all forgive and forget eventually. it’s just going to take some time.”

“and i completely understand that. i’m not asking for your immediate forgiveness but i just want you to know why i did what i did. that’s all,” emily reasoned.

you rolled to your side, propping yourself up on your good arm to face your friend. “i think it’s just the stress of the team disbanding adding onto spencer and i coming back and finally you. it just became a lot.”

emily nodded. “that makes a lot of sense. the work spencer and you did was amazing by the way,” she complimented. you thanked her quietly.

silence overtook you again, neither knowing exactly where

“so how are you and spencer relationship wise. any plans on engament soon?”

you blushed heavily at that. “you’re asking the wrong person emily,” you grinned. the two of you laughed

the ending point of the night was a bit later, morgan coming to round you two up for a game of poker. you all knew it was inevitable that spencer would be victorious, but it would still be fun.

and it was.

many rounds were played, no one worrying about the time they should be home or their commitments the next day. just being together, arguing over a card game and drinking various alcoholic beverages, felt incredibly right.

the memory of disbanding was long gone. you and spencer were back, emily was back, and the team was finally whole again.

☆ ☆ ☆

tags - @tinylumpiaa @rumplebutterbitch @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @the-quarantine-diaries @ah-blossom @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @aperrywilliams @kissessforharryyy @garcias-batcave @etherealgubler @spenceneedsahug @jjandreidsgirl @zoseph @emilouu @mortallythoughtfulgurl @alexxcorona113 @swiftspaperings @gia-kerks @mggstyles @hurricanejjareau @ogmilkis @pizzarollsfordayz @wtfevenismypage @cm-is-kinda-cool @gdayton28 @ssa-morgan @avaxreid @eldahae @eternalharry @matthewgublerswife @guessthatswhyiliveinhell

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2583

jesus mary and joseph today has been a million years long. got to sleep after 1am, woke up at 6am, got up, showered, got dressed, left for school, stopped at dunks so my stomach wouldn't be angy all day. realized on my way there i forgot to print my parking pass. so instead of parking in the commuter lot and going to get my ID and then waiting for class, i had to park in the visitor lot, get my ID, load it with cash, search around for a computer lab, print the pass, get it to my car, move my car, park in the commuter lot, and then go to class. because of how long it took me to find a computer lab and how much time it took me to drive down the street, i was late to class.

AND THEN I COULDN'T GO IN. on campus there's a new thing that guarantees students have a negative covid result that also requires a few forms and a pledge to be vigilant about keeping one another safe as well as a recent covid test. i didn't have any of those done when i got there, so i sat in the giant echoey common area filling out forms while the professor went over the syllabus. i did some research on where to get covid tests on the school website and found where they were getting distributed so i'd be prepared to go immediately after class. i did, however, manage to take notes for class this morning. which i'm proud of.

after class i went to the room in the MUB where they were distributing tests to discover they were actually distributing them at the arena. and it's also 80°F+ and 85%+ humidity outside, so it's been disgusting all fucking morning at this point. too many stairs, up down up down up down up down over and over again. back and forth and back and forth, more stairs and just. everything. my hips hurt. my shins hurt.

anyway, it's fucking disgusting outside and i get to the arena and i immediately calm down - it's air conditioned inside because it's a hockey rink.

the floor is fucking ice.

best part of my day.

picked up tests, took one, went to go back to my car. outside of the arena is a tiny restaurant and a train station, and on the other side of the tracks is the commuter lot. but there's a fence.

so i had to go UP the stairs, ACROSS the bridge again, BACK DOWN the stairs, and TWO THIRDS DOWN the lot to get back to my car after all of this. i was so fucking hot and disgusting that i was sick to my stomach for a solid ten minutes. finally got cool enough to function, headed out.

i sent a message to my afternoon professor that i wasn't going to be able to be in class because of the wildcat pass thing, so i was able to get zoom-ed in later. so i went home.

it also cost me almost forty bucks to fill my gas tank. not happy.

anyway, i get home, i pay for the rest of my tuition, i buy my books, and i go to take a nap. i wake up for my 3pm class and end up being late because the zoom link was buried in canvas and then i can't understand the man because he has a thick french accent, was wearing a mask and a face shield (good), and was moving a lot, so i couldn't hear him. so i've decided to be online mostly for astrophysics and then in-class for comp phys. and of course in-class for the lab on thursdays. so that'll be fine, going to campus twice a week instead of four times a week.

after all that fucking fiasco of a morning, i hung out and played animal crossing, we had dinner, and later i went with hannah to get ice cream, and we came back here to the house to eat it and talk.

turns out we're both fucking exhausted from listening to our mutual friend have breakdowns every five minutes. so. i tried to be as gentle as possible but she doesn't want to face the truth that she has, in fact, been broken up with, and that her now ex-boyfriend does not want to date her anymore. she also doesn't know what she's done wrong (the list includes, but is not limited to: gaslighting, shutting down for important conversations, and being overly clingy, suffocating, and codependent, among other things). so hannah and i complained to each other.

later the friend who's been the emotional sink for both of us called me and read me her script for her talk this friday with her ex, and while it's great, he doesn't want to get back together with you. she refuses to see that. and then she asked what hannah had said, so i told her a bunch of stuff and she got mad at me for being honest so she probably thinks i was attacking her personally when i was really just trying to be as gentle as possible while being entirely sick of her shit.

so i'm still upset. i'm just glad she's muted us at this point.

i told joel about what happened, and he's like "i don't wanna deal with this" and i was like "fuckin same bro" and i love how joel and i work together. god i'm so grateful for him. i'm grateful we're independent and work well individually but still work well together and don't rely on one another for either happiness or personal fulfillment. joel is the best and i love him so many. i ask for hugs and hand holds because it's fucking important, and i will never force him into something he doesn't want to do.

part of me realizes this friend who's having problems is barely an adult at all, but that doesn't excuse her from her absolute shitty and toxic behavior.

joel is so good to me. i'm grateful for his peanut butter-loving self. he leaves glasses of ice water for me to drink and makes sure i take my meds and that i get sleep. i in turn encourage him to spend time with his friends and find activities he enjoys and take the time to do those hobbies. i make sure we have food for him at meals because he's picky. i like to make sure he's in bed at a reasonable time. we look out for one another. we antagonize each other in the best way possible and i'm so happy i have him in my life. i'm glad we picked each other.

(when i woke up this morning, i saw on the discord that FF was online but on do not disturb and i wanted to tag them and wish them a happy afternoon but i was afraid it'd be out of line. so i didn't. i miss them.)

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[cadcnce-archived]

          BIG ASS CHARACTER SHEET FOR                    FANTASY VERSE WYLAN

I found an image while going through my files for cursed pics to send @spiritmaiden​, they had the audacity to take it and fill it out for the fantasy verse of their sky-zel, so I of course have to match the effort for Wylan because I’m not about to be shown up. It’s hella involved, nobody’s getting tagged but damn if you want an exercise in hitting your character then give it a shot. Most is under the cut because of length.

Character’s Name: Zachary Reis (Born) Wylan Rechtur (Used) Character’s nicknames: Ze (by his sister) Wy (by his friends and preferred) Zephyr (mercenary name, also what you’d see on any wanted posters) Gender: Male Righty or Lefty: Righty Age: 25-26  Height: 6′-0″  Weight: ~180 lbs Eye Color: Emerald green, bright and wide filled with a mix of confidence and playfulness. Hair color: Dark brown, messy and falling to his ears. Unkempt may be a good descriptor, but he generally keeps it down flatter at the least.  Distinguishing marks: His body is pocked with marks and scars from fights and other disagreements, but the ones most easily discerned are knife scars on his hands, and a short arc above his left brow. Describe physical traits in one passage: A good way to view him is concealed strength and agility. He’s toned and in good shape but doesn’t often dress or carry himself in ways that would flaunt this. His posture and pose are loose, and his expressions can be lazy and playful. So the moment he flips that switch and uses the full brunt of his power? It’s a surprise. He’s also a bit on the lanky side, his body size doesn’t fully compliment the size of his limbs. 

FAMILY/ RELIGION

Parents: Mother and father were disappeared/dead when he was just a bit over 6 years old and his sister was an infant. They were involved with the church but not royalty themselves. Wylan never spent much time figuring out what. They had a life left for him and his sister that he threw away as well. His father was a gentle soul while his mother was razor sharp and firm. Siblings: Younger sister, Katelynn Reis, but goes by Lyn with her friends. Wylan calls her Kat. She’s ~5 years younger than he, and remains with the church training and working as a healer. Whereas Wylan ran away from being a Paladin, she stayed strong to become a Cleric.  Significant Other: Verse dependent, Wylan typically is averse to romance and prefers casual encounters.  Children: None, nor is he open to them initially in his canon.  Other relatives: None remain living that he is aware of. He and his sister were raised by his grandmother on his father’s side, but she passed away shortly after he left the knight’s academy, when Wylan was roughly 16-17.  Pets: None. But he does enjoy talking to cats. Friends: Wylan is the type who ‘knows a guy’, he’s close with many tavernkeeps and makes nice with the adventurer’s guilds and their members as well. His work as an informant necessitates things like this. Wylan is also the type to consider most anyone he encounters and converses with a friend, whether they like it or not. His best friend though would easily be a wandering adherent by the name of Emke. I don’t care what the thread is about in some way she’s involved in his life. They’re platonic soulmates. Enemies: As a mercenary and hunter, some others in his craft would consider Wylan to be their rival, and in many cases he would view them just the same. It’s hard to say he has any enemies outside of pointedly evil factions however! Relationships (other): His relationship with his sister is an odd one. They’re still in touch via letters and the occasional visit, and he does what he can to support her with his money, but they’re not close like conventional siblings. There’s a strange codependence between them. Wylan depends on Lyn as a ‘rock’, and she depends on him as the ‘sea’. Ethnicity: Human! His origins are mostly a mix of Germanic/Portuguese if you wanted a comparison to Earth races/ethnicities. Religion: He recognizes the existence of higher powers but his relationship with them isn’t the best. As if being rebellious to his parents wasn’t bad enough he has to be tsundere towards The Light. This is noted when he uses holy magic such as wards and smiting spells and getting rebound into his own body upon use. Superstitions: He’s incredibly wary around the undead and spirits. So catch him spreading salt when he has to camp somewhere less than lively. Also give him a moment to sharpen his silver weaponry...  Diction, Accent, ETC.: His dialect is pretty clean, though this depends on who he’s speaking to, being the travelling sort he is he’s capable of lightly ‘faking’ various accents, or just being lazy with his own manner of speech. Traces back to proper speaking that was drilled into him as a child and then his own rebelliousness. SCHOOL/ WORK / HOME Education (Highest): He was well learned with the academy work that he actually accomplished. While he never finished and never put his all into his studies, it was clear to his teachers that he had a gift for learning but a problem with conviction.  Degrees: None! But just so I still have something here, one of his informal titles is ‘The Gale’s Fang’. Vocation/Occupation: Jack of several trades, wrapped up best as a mercenary informant, and a monster hunter. He’s good at tracking both people and monsters and taking them down- lethally or not so much. Employment History: Wylan was fully involved with the knight’s academy from the age of 6 to 16, so for those 10 years he had his hands full dealing with that and trying to figure out himself (poorly). Upon leaving the academy after the accident, he took up arms and was given tutelage by the thieves’ guild which taught him how to use his senses and move quietly through the shadows. Wylan didn’t make a good pickpocket, but he was good at reading other people and exceptional at duels. It wasn’t long before he took the advice of the guildmaster and made better uses of his talents. Not necessarily for good, but for more profit. By the age of 22 he was an accomplished and well connected informant, bartering information as well as putting his swordwork to use headhunting and slaying monsters that made issue outside the cities in which he frequented. This continues to current/canon start of interactions. Salary: He’s affluent enough not to worry too much about his state of living, but he can be prone to splurge spending that puts him in a bind for a few weeks at a time, at least until the next job puts money back on the table. Status and money: Continuing off the above, he’s decent enough with his funds (after sending money back to help out his sister) but wouldn’t be well off enough to be considered rich compared to his modern verse. Fortunately he has enough renown that jobs aren’t too hard to come by for him. And many barkeeps and friends are willing to open a tab for him. So he’s not too desperate.  Own or Rent: Wylan typically rents inn rooms when he stays in the cities, and camps when he’s out in the woods. Technically he also owns if you count helping his sister keep her own place running (thought it’s really about 30-70, with his sister funding most of it)  Living Space: Wylan never stays long at the room. It’s a place to go back to and sleep. Personal belongings? Very few. Most things he owns that he wouldn’t want to lose stay back with his sister kept in a basement or separate room that he uses on the rare times he’s back in the capital/holy city from which he originally hailed. As you can imagine, this isn’t very often.  Work Space: N/A! He doesn’t have one! Given his work is almost entirely in the field. Main Mode of Transportation: CATCH A RIIIIIDE. Though he’s apt to have a horse around for transport if he isn’t going too far. Long voyages for when he changes locales would probably be hitching a ride with a caravan. He also doesn’t mind voyages on foot too much. PSYCHOLOGY Fears: Externally he has an aversion to ghosts and spirits. The concept of the dead coming back to haunt you isn’t something he much cares for. Having access to light magic should mostly assuage this, and yet it can give him goosebumps anyhow. Ironically he has a fear of large mammals in his modern verse but that shit doesn’t apply here given he’s a monster hunter! Internally he fears being forgotten, not making a name for himself, and dying before he can truly feel alive.  Secrets: His birth name, Zachary Reis, isn’t something he will bring up with anyone. It’s not necessarily a ‘dead name’ for him, but it’s one he threw away the same time he decided he was going to toss away his ‘fate’ as a paladin. Taking the name of Wylan was another way he took his life for himself in his mind. Despite this being a path of self destruction. His sister is also something he doesn’t often bring up unless he very much trusts that person.  IQ: Surprisingly high. He picks up a lot of information doing the work he does, but you wouldn’t be blamed for not believing this. Eating Habits: They could be a lot better. He eats enough to get by, but his diet isn’t as varied as it could be. Wylan hunts small game when he can, but he isn’t an exciting cook so ALAS. This boy prefers hitting up taverns and getting basic meals like stews, jerky, sandwiches, etc etc. Sleeping Habits: Wylan is a very light sleeper. Typically if you so much as step into the room he’s sleeping in he’ll snap into awareness. It takes a loooong day of exertion to keep him sleeping deep otherwise. Frustrating is how he ‘fakes’ being asleep. So someone could come in and start rummaging and he would still breathe and move as if he were still sleeping. Up until he sits up and stares or cracks a joke. Dare you to kiss him when you think he’s asleep.   Book Preferences: History tomes every now and then. Wylan doesn’t read much fiction and prefers any time he spends reading to be somewhat productive! Make up for other education he missed as part a result of running on the academy. He also reads up on magic and sorcery to work on the wind affinity he also has.  Music Preferences: Wylan doesn’t play any instruments but he DOES love love love to dance and sing. He’s an entertainer at heart and loves to rally people however he may. Suffice to say he’s amusing to go drinking with. And not just because he starts bar fights to amuse himself. Groups or Alone: He’s primarily a lone fighter. Some hunts he will of course work with a team of other hunters, he’s not stupid enough to take on the larger beasts by himself, but there’s a preference for doing things on his own terms. He’s self aware enough to know that his ways and methods can be grating, but ah... how all of that clashes with his desire to show off and have an audience. Being Wylan is suffering. Leader or Follower: He’s both, but prefers to be a follower if he can help it. Let other people make the plans then nudge them this way and that to better fit your own methods. He’s a prankster and a good compliment to most parties after all, so you’d be wise to utilize him! Lest he utilize himself... but that said, he’s an anti-hero, so there’s possibility in there for him to be a leader as well and take charge. It just isn’t his default nature and he’d rather not. Planned Out or Spontaneous: Wylan is chaos incarnate. Most everything he does outside of necessity/work is spontaneous. All his mischief and plans are cobbled together and thrown out there. Sometimes he’ll do a bunch of things at once, like throwing a bundle of darts at the wall to see which ones stick. And oh my fucking god don’t get me started on being romantic he can’t plan for shit in that department. Journal Entries (Do they keep one?) Nope. Not a daily journal at least. He’ll keep notebooks and the like for jotting down intel and what have you for jobs he takes up. But most of the time he’ll just have little notes in his pocket, and not really chronicle his life. He may also make ‘fake’ entries to tease people or trick them. See what he did to Zelda the one time. Be careful what you believe... Hobbies, Recreation: Tricks!! Sleight of hand!! Cards and dice!! Part of growing up and learning with a thieves’ guild is getting involved in lots of things that make use of your hands and dexterity. He likes playing random games with folks and oh! People watching. Stalking. Not the cutest thing but Wylan makes a hobby out of ‘testing himself’ and exercising his talents. His hobby is unfortunately annoying people, to summarize. How Do They Relax: His hobbies help him to relax! Also, if you can believe it, sitting back in a group conversation and watching the conversation happen and move forward. Learning about other people is something he likes doing, which is hypocritical since he can make himself so difficult to learn by contrast. BUT THE REAL THING HE DOES.. is practice sword fighting. Slow rhythmic swings of his blade, almost like a dance. He focuses his thoughts and calms his soul when he practices. It’s like a mix of swordfighting, dancing, and yoga. Controlling himself. Feeling himself. It’s multiple things.    What Excites Them?: PEOPLE. Things! Happenings! The unknown and pushing himself to new limits. Honestly one of Wy’s biggest drives is doing something or becoming something that will make him ‘Feel Alive’. Because for all of his antics and frivolity he’s very much fighting an encroaching darkness in his soul. So he’ll search out bizarre things to get involved in. It’s one of the reasons he’s bugging Zelda, because her involvement in witchcraft and his own suspicions have him interested huehue. Pet Peeves: Being ignored. Like perfectly disregarding his existence and whatever he’s getting up to. If you’re not reacting to him being him then that means he’s not being effective and he’s losing. It’s his only real weakness...  Prejudices: None. He’s not the most respectful person so most everyone, royalty or important or otherwise gets subjected to similar treatment. If anything, the more important you are the more likely you are to get annoyed! Attitudes: He’s usually with a front, a mask if you will. His general attitude is curious and nosy, but that’s fronted with a playfulness and proclivity for being annoying. Don’t be fooled, he’s usually something more pensive and calculating underneath that exterior. Wylan actually quiets a fair bit once that mask is taken away, his mood swings down and his tone is a touch deeper. Stressors: Things going awry and his friends being put in danger. He absolutely does not do well with people he cares about being hurt. One of the worst things that can happen to him is his sister dying for example, and has lead to one of his most self destructive plots I’ve written, in this verse especially. Lovers? Don’t hurt them. Don’t endanger them. The idea of rivals or enemies going after people he cares about.. hoo. MAN. None of that please. He can be SO damn possessive. In relationships he’s very self conscious as well of fulfilling their needs. So if his partner remarks, regardless of how offhandedly, they’d like more of something he will TRY TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.  Obsessions: Being an absolute pain in the ass. And in cases where someone has wronged him or someone close to him? Tracking them down and getting closure/revenge. That shit takes him to the brink of killing himself. Addictions: None to the point of being problematic, but he does love eating pickles.  Ambitions: To make a name for himself, to be renowned and respected. To feel alive and accomplished as a person. He’d also like to take down a dragon someday. Get some armor from its scales and a sword out of that shit. As Seen by Others: Capable and dangerous, but impossible to work with for long periods. Keep a tight lip around him lest he use that information against you and learn things you’d rather keep secret. A lecherous womanizer. As Seen by Self: A body of broken glass, encased in a shell, covered in masks. Who are you? What are you? Where are you even going? You’re lost. You’re aimless. You’re swimming and swimming and eventually you’re going to be tired, aren’t you? ASTROLOGY/PHISIOLOGY Birth Date: October 10. Time of Birth: Evening. Western Astrological Sign: Libra Traits Associated with Western Sign:��Social, Clever, Unreliable, Diplomatic Traits Associated with Chinese Zodiac: N/A, seeing as I don’t age Wylan with the years this doesn’t really apply. Handwriting: Clean when he needs it to be, but otherwise a quick script with lots of pen strikes. He’s capable with drawing diagrams and the like as well! This boy can throw out monster diagrams with weak points and other ecological notes oh yes yes. Sexual History: Wylan was already exploring that sort of thing before he left the academy, so yes... as early as 16 he’d already lost the v-card. He doesn’t really do relationships and enjoys casual encounters. Many a maiden at the bar or elsewhere has taken him for a spin. Typically partners aren’t reoccurring in fantasy verse, however. He’s... well, very good in the performance category.   General Health: A+ healthy aside from the sleep and subpar diet bits. Strong and good stamina. Medical History: He’s nearly died one times too many. Been stabbed, cut, poisoned, bitten, but hey he’s still alive! And that’s what he’d argue matters with this business. Allergies: SHELLFISH. Chronic Illnesses: None to speak of. Handicaps: He’s somewhat of a type B tsundere. It’s awful.  OBJECTS Purse / Bag: He’s got a coin purse that he’ll carry spare gold around in for spending on what have you. Supposedly food but he’s weak to splurge purchases. Most everything else he keeps on him in his pockets and his belt. Wallet: Uhhh see above, coin purse!!! He’s got enough for the week or so!! Don’t try and pickpocket him because he will catch you and you will feel stupid. Fridge: He doesn’t keep food around. He more or less has to scavenge for everything he eats either through buying or hunting. That’s kind of the life for the vagrant he is, isn’t it? Medicine Cabinet: N/A, but he does keep bandages and salves at his room.  Glove Compartment: N/A!! Junk Drawer: NNNNNN/AAAAAAA Kitchen Cabinets: Wylan get a house so I can fill this out challenge. Bedroom Hiding Place: Behind a wall panel or somesuch if he can manage. Otherwise in the floor or outside the window. Closets: His wardrobe typically includes tunics, coats, leather armor and harnesses for his weaponry! He’s got a couple swords in fantasy verse, and he’s got throwing knives and a grappling hook!!  Backback: Yeah uh see above, what a question. Locker: None Desk: WYLAN KEEP ITEMS AROUND CHALLEEEEENGE.  Clothes pocket: Daggers, notes, maybe a writing implement and paper so he can jot things down. He’s also got little knick knacks like a gem or a monster tooth to show off. Isn’t it cool??? Also lint.

OTHER Halloween Costumes: Werewolf!!! Get him in either just a lazy one with gloves and ears or deck him out in the whole garb. Love that idea on him. In one verse Big Bad Wolf is his nickname, and in another he flat out IS a werewolf! So yeAH. Tricks: He’s very skilled at sleight of hand!! Card flourishes and dice rolls. Cup games. Illusions and dexterity... he’s a slippery one! He’s also likely to catch you in words, using things you say against you. He gets really meta and oh how annoying that can get... Talents: SWORDPLAY- He learned from a very early age at an esteemed academy where only the best knights get trained. He mixes that style with a more ‘street’ type that he picked up with the thieves’ guild and even further as a monster hunter and mercenary. Suffice to say that all mixes together into multiple stances he can switch between depending on what he’s up against. Strong sweeping strikes, vicious stabbing and leaping, poised dueling and parrying... he’s a TOUGH fight. MAGIC: Wylan is at odds with his use of holy magic that utilizes the light to bless and heal. Until he comes to terms with himself and the power he wants to channel it’ll have ‘blowbacks’ on himself. Fingers will burn, head will ache, and his stomach will flip. But it’s still undeniably effective for where it is! Aside from that he knows some wind magic to supplement himself. He’s not known as ‘Zephyr’ for nothing after all! Gusting steps, slashing winds, REALLY BIG JUMPS!!! If you throw him he’s a fantastic projectile! And lets see- DANCING! He learned it first as part of his etiquette as a knight, but it’s something that’s evolved with him and oh does he enjoy festivals for that reason. Ballroom styles are what he’s most familiar with. Dance with him. Please dance with him. Politics: Indifferent! Doesn’t care for authority figures to begin with so in any case or kingdom with a monarchy he’s very buh about it. He’s very self-accomplished and his beliefs would push him towards meritocracy over anythign else if you ask me!  Flaws: Suspicious, possessive, and very persistent. This could be a strength too but for the most part can be seen as a detriment because of how it ends up being applied. Which is in self-destructive tendencies WOO. He’s also very lustful, and can be distracted by a fine woman and let himself be swayed by his desires over time. Have I mentioned he isn’t the most reliable? He’s apt to lie to people and give intentionally wrong impressions just to make it easier for him to slip away. You gotta go up a few levels to unlock that... So yeah, sins are WRATH, LUST, and ENVY. Strengths: NONE. Okay if you earn a solid place as his friend there is almost NO limit to what he’ll do to protect you. Wylan has a ridiculous amount of determination and mental fortitude and he can and will strike down a GOD to keep those things that are precious to him. He’s also an amusing character to have around, if you are feeling bummed he is almost guaranteed to find a way to cheer you up and support you if only so he can not feel as guilty teasing as he usually does HUE. He’s got a very up beat personality! Sure, a lot of it is a mask but he WANTS it to be real and that’s what really matters if you ask me. His reckless optimism can be endearing. There’s a lot of other surprising mental qualities such as how clever and quick witted he can be. Part of that mental fortitude lets him think and fight on his feet regardless of how much pressure he’s under. It takes a LOT to dampen his thought processes. Drugs/Alcohol: He drinks frequently, but he wouldn’t be counted as a drunkard. Wylan rarely drinks to excess, and prefers to do so among friends and good company. Passwords: Uh, do ritual prayers count? Magical spells? Heh. Email Address, Home Page, Blogs, etc.: Oh if only this were for modern verse... Time and place: Medieval fantasy! Magic and creatures! I also love throwing Monster Hunter vibes in for the big monsters he goes up against. Special Places: For him? Cliffs overlooking the ocean. Abandoned temples he can just chill at. For all he enjoys being around people now and then he really appreciates quiet isolation. Special Memories: Lots of memories with his sister before they more or less split ways. There’s one in particular where he was trying to teach her swordplay when she was just a little girl, and she about stubbed his toe when the wooden practice sword fell right on it. Her panicked attempts to try and heal him were something that really stuck with him.

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Five Times the 126 Noticed Something + One Time They Said Something

Summary: Five times they notice the codependency and one time they speak up. (Also available on AO3 @cupidmarwani)

Warnings: Codependency, neglect(?)

WC: ~3.1k

1. Paul

Paul has made a career out of his instincts. They’re always spot on and he picks up on the things that other people miss at first. He’s learned to trust himself. After all, it’s saved his life and that of his crews countless times. It would be crazy to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his head when he watches the way TK and Owen interact sometimes.

He can’t exactly put his finger on it at first. It’s not a life or death situation, or anything that would warrant mentioning it, but he can’t help the thought that something is off. They’re close, sure. Closer than a lot of parents and their children. Maybe it’s bordering on too close, however, because his heart does a strange flip inside his chest when he watches the way Owen pulls TK to the side and says something to him in a low voice with a hand on the back of his neck. It’s an affectionate gesture they’re all used to; Owen had done that to Carlos when TK was in a coma, to Judd when he had a meltdown, to Mateo after a rough call- it’s like a pat on the back. But what gets to him is the fact that TK looks seconds from bursting into tears, quietly nodding along to whatever’s being said. 

When Paul glances around to find out if anyone else is seeing this, he finds no one. They must all be busy. It’s just him, trying to appear casual as he watches Owen go through whatever speech he has while TK just agrees and eventually starts chewing on his hoodie string. Owen doesn’t stop him, but he doesn’t let go of him either. Paul doesn’t believe Owen would hurt him, now, in the past, or ever, but something isn’t entirely right here. 

Once their conversation is finished, the two hug, and Owen retreats to his office while TK wipes his eyes quickly. That’s when he decides to intervene. He walks up to TK and sets a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. The kid’s cheeks are flushed and eyes a little glassy.

“Everything okay?”unusual for him

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just-” TK takes in a shuddering deep breath. “I’m all good. I just don’t like disappointing Cap, you know?”

“Right.”

For today, Paul dismisses it as TK being sensitive to negativity, which isn’t too out of the ordinary, but he still can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to this than meets the eye.

2. Judd

It takes a while for Judd to get used to the new 126. He takes the same route to work, but the firehouse is different, and the people inside even more so. Of course he loves them just as he did his old crew, but there’s still parts of them he’s putting together in his head. While he knows how they all take their coffee, he’s still working on things like what marks their frustration or pain.

Out of them, he thinks he’s gotten the closest to Owen so far. They have shared experiences, if nearly two decades apart. And Owen has this fatherly pride about him that makes Judd feel safer than he’s willing to admit. No matter what happens, he’ll be safe and in good hands. That’s a good thing. They’re all under the guidance and protection of a damn good captain, one Judd wouldn’t trade for anything, and yet, he notices after a while that Owen can be a bit strange at times with his son.

Not in a bad way, it’s just… a lot. Judd kind of brushes it off as them being really close, but sometimes it gets to him. They’re on a call, with another structurally unsound building, and when Owen insists on going in once again, he’s not talking normally on the radio. He’s not updating them on the situation, he just keeps asking about TK over and over. How he’s holding up, if he’s alright, what he’s doing. 

“Cap, he’s fine,” Judd eventually says. “Focus up. Where are you in there?”

That mostly gets Owen back on track, but when he comes out of the building with the survivors, the first thing he does it look for TK, who promptly launches himself into Owen’s arms and clings to him, telling him to be careful. Yeah, they’re close, but it’s… Judd can’t put his finger on it. Come to think of it, the two of them live and work together. The only time he’s seen them apart was when TK was shot, and even then, Owen rarely left the house. 

“They’re really close, aren’t they?” he mutters to Paul. 

Paul nods, but doesn’t say anything. What is there to say? They just watch, and both TK and Owen seem much more at ease and focused now that they’ve had that moment. Judd has never been that close with his own father, even when he was a little kid who idolized him. While he never doubted his father loved him, he’s sure that he wasn’t this invested in Judd’s every move either. 

Owen helps the survivors to the paramedics while TK watches him with a careful eye. He’s clearly searching for any injuries or any sign of a toll on Owen’s already weakened lungs. There’s nothing there, but TK still jumps when Judd clears his throat.

“He’s okay.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Judd hesitates for a moment before continuing. “Are you?”

TK doesn’t answer him.

3. Marjan

It’s the middle of the night when Marjan wakes up. She isn’t sure what caused it at first, but a quick survey of the bunks shows that TK and Owen are both out of bed. Curiosity piqued, she gets up and heads into the main area, where the two of them are on the couch with TK asleep, head on Owen’s lap. Owen seems to be headed that way too. 

“Everything okay?” she whispers, coming closer. TK’s eyelids flutter, but he doesn’t wake up. It’s good to see him resting, she know he’s had a hard time falling and staying asleep ever since he was shot. Many a night she’s received texts from him at indecent hours. Everyone has. “What happened?”

Owen cracks an eye open to look at her. “He doesn’t sleep by himself anymore. Not when he’s had a nightmare. I’ll be honest, it helps me sleep better too.”

Instead of commenting on the fact that TK is 26, and Owen is his father, Marjan goes to the kitchen to make herself some tea. While she boils the water, there’s rustling and a distressed sound, followed by Owen’s voice, too soft for her to make out words, but loud enough to hear the soothing tone no doubt intended for TK. It must really be a rough night. She pulls two more mugs out of the pantry and digs out their favorite blends of tea to hopefully help with the struggle. While she’s never been shot, she has her fair share of trauma she’s struggled through, and is no stranger to nights like these. 

Upon her return with the tea, TK is curled up with his knees to his chest, resting his head on Owen’s shoulder and staring off into the distance. She presses tea into both of their hands and takes a seat across from them. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

TK shakes his head and Owen shrugs. He wraps one of his arms around his son as they share their tea, and the three of them spend the night out there together. Marjan falls asleep last, and notices how they sleep much easier on the couch together than they do in their bunks, as though TK is still a young child who needs comfort through the night. Maybe he is. It’s none of her business, though, since it’s not like it’s hurting anybody, and she simply files away the information to deal with later. Whatever makes them happy, she supposes.

4. Mateo

TK has the day off. He’s out with Carlos, headed to some flower thing or whatever to look at all the spring blossoms and have a date like they rarely get. Mateo’s happy for the two of them. It’s the kind of thing they deserve. And yet, the entire day, Owen is completely off his game. He’s distracted and on his phone more often than he’s not, to the point that even Judd seems to have noticed, and Judd isn’t usually the first to pick up on those cues.

It’s not really a big deal until they’re on a call, and Owen won’t get off his cell phone long enough to pay attention to the fact that Marjan and Paul are trying to get his attention on the radio from the rescue inside the burning building. Seeing someone in charge of their safety so completely distracted is scary. What if something happens to them because the captain is distracted?

In a moment of (stupid) bravery, Mateo grabs Owen’s phone right out of his hand and shoves it into his own pocket, where it clicks against his much cheaper flip phone. Now he has his attention, and also his frustration. Just as he opens his mouth to chastise him, Mateo points at his lit up radio.

“Marjan and Paul have been trying to get to you for a while,” he says. “You should answer them.”

As Owen responds to them, he doesn’t take his eyes off Mateo’s pocket, as if the world is ending and the only way to save it is to once again have his phone in his possession. Mateo holds his ground, no matter how scary it is, until the call is over and everyone is safe again. Marjan and Paul ask what happened, now that they’re in the clear. Mateo doesn’t have it in him to tell them, and Owen just says that something was going on with TK.

Mateo returns his phone and Owen is on a call right away, stepping away from all of them and talking rapidly into it for what feels like forever. It’s weird. If Tk is actually in trouble, they’d all be on their way to help, and he would have at the very least sent a message to one of them as well. This silence isn’t like him. And it’s not normal for Owen to be this worked up, even after he hangs up and says that everything is alright with TK. If it’s fine, why was he so upset?

Something isn’t really adding up, but it’s not Mateo’s place to get involved, he doesn’t think. It probably won’t happen again, and no one got hurt. Still, what if it does happen again, and this time someone actually gets in trouble because Owen is too busy on his phone to take care of his team? Mateo doesn’t want to die, and he definitely doesn’t want any of his crew to die either. He looks to Marjan, because she always knows what to do, but she’s staring at the back of Owen’s head with an unreadable expression he isn’t necessarily eager to decipher. It can’t be good if she’s that upset. Paul and Judd seem just as put off. Mateo decides to bring it up later, in private, and find out what’s going on.

5. Michelle

It’s not even a bad injury. Owen tripped over his own feet in the firehouse and managed to land on his wrist wrong. Michelle’s 99% sure it’s just a mild sprain, but she’s taking him to the hospital either way just to be safe, given the job. He’s going to be fine, and he’s calm and composed as ever. Most of the team is, too. 

Key word being most.

TK is borderline hysterical, asking Owen over and over again if he’s alright, how bad it hurts. He’s pulled Michelle aside three times to ask if she’s sure that it’s nothing major. He questions if Owen fell because of his cancer, if he could have injured himself more than what’s obvious, if she’s sure his vitals are okay. It’s not just worry over his dad, it’s a whole new level of complete panic that’s so unlike him given the work they all do for a living. She now has a second patient to deal with, as though Owen isn’t a handful in of himself when she recommends he get checked out at the ER. 

She leaves Owen in Tim and Nancy’s care while she gets TK to sit down and take deep breaths because he’s started hyperventilating. She can’t figure out why he’s so upset, but for now, the most important thing is calming him down before he hurts himself. The last time she watched him struggle this hard to breathe, he had been shot. This is something completely different. Something that sets off more than a few red flags.

“TK, honey, can you hear me?”

He nods jerkily.

“Okay. I need you take deep breaths for me, alright. In, hold it, out. C’mon, just like me.”

After a moment, it becomes clear he’s trying, but it just isn’t enough. None of the other members of the 126 are stepping in, so they don’t seem to know what to do either. Maybe Owen would if he wasn’t already loaded into the back of the ambulance with the other two paramedics.

“Your dad’s okay,” she tries. His whole body is shaking with the force of his panic. “He’s just fine, I promise. Trust me. He just hurt his arm a little, and we’re only sending him to the hospital as a precaution. He’s okay. You’re okay.”

And yet, the only way she manages to calm him is bringing him to the ambulance and letting him ride along. He grabs onto Owen’s uninjured hand and just sits beside him quietly, looking up at his father’s face every so often as though looking for signs that he’s hurt worse than he initially let on. Michelle can’t help wondering why he would react so strongly.

+1 

Owen and TK are both off shift for the day because Owen has chemo when they all bring it up. It’s been a couple weeks since the falling incident, and as they all eat dinner, Judd blurts out, “Anyone else think something’s kinda weird with Cap and TK?”

Instantly, every fork on the table stills. They’ve all seen something at this point, sometimes more than once. Marjan takes a sip of her water and tells them that she saw them sleeping on the couch one night, and Owen told her they can’t sleep without each other anymore. Nothing else helps Tk’s nightmares, and Owen just feels better knowing his son is safe and sound. From there, they’re each sharing moments they’ve seen that just don’t feel right. The way TK cried at an expression of disapproval, Owen forgetting to look after his team because he was worried about TK not answering his phone. All the little things they’ve seen over the course of their time at the 126. The two live together. Owen broke into TK’s apartment back in New York because he wasn’t answering his phone. Every shift, they come in and leave together. They’re so worried about each other it surpasses the normal, healthy familial bond. 

“You don’t think…” Mateo starts, trailing off and looking at Michelle.

“God, no, absolutely not,” she says immediately. “Not even a little bit. No. But they are really really codependent.”

Paul nods. “Yeah, I mean, I get they’ve been through some shit, but this isn’t healthy.”

“And it’s a danger to the team,” Marjan adds, clearly remembering when Owen was too distracted by TK to respond to her and Paul’s distress call.

For a moment, they return to their dinner, no one sure how to go forward with addressing this. There isn’t a right way to tell your captain and crewmate that they’re codependent and should probably see someone about it. Michelle finally speaks again after a few bites of salad.

“I think we should talk to TK first. Owen’s stubborn, even if it comes from a place of love.”

“Or we could talk to them both at once,” Judd suggests. “That way no one feels alienated.”

“Five hundred dollar word from the cowboy.”

“Shut it, Marwani.”

Marjan flicks some mashed potatoes at him, which he narrowly avoids. Luckily Paul has the good sense to stop him from retaliating, otherwise everyone would be scrubbing food off every surface in the dining area for hours, which is very much not the point of any of this. Once things calm down, they decide to talk to Owen and TK on the next shift, even if it’s awkward, because they have to protect each other, and that includes their captain and TK.

When TK and Owen come in the next morning, the whole crew are standing around in the truck bay, like this is an intervention. It kind of is. Before they can ask what’s happening, Paul asks them to have a seat, and they all gather up in a lopsided circle.

“Is everything okay?” Owen asks.

Michelle is the designated speaker, for the most part. Everyone figured she’d seem the least confrontational. “We’ve just all noticed some things that we’d like to talk about,” she says. TK looks to Owen and lifts his hoodie string to his mouth in a nervous habit they’ve all watched him indulge. “Obviously you guys are close, and it’s good that you are.”

TK looks up at her. “But?”

“But we’re worried that maybe you two are a little bit… too dependent on each other. Not being able to sleep separately, is-- TK, you’re 26. You should be able to sleep on your own. Owen, you should be able to sleep without knowing exactly where your son is. I get that you’ve both been through things, but this isn’t normal.”

“I don’t see why any of you should have an opinion this, when-”

Paul interrupts him. “It put our lives at risk, Cap. You were busy texting TK when he was out with Carlos, and Marjan and I could have died because you weren’t paying attention. And it puts your lives at risk, too. Having a panic attack because your dad fell isn’t healthy.”

“I just hope that maybe,” Michelle says, cutting back into the conversation, “bringing what we see to your attention might mean you guys can talk about having better boundaries in place. Maybe see a professional about it so you can function without each other.”

TK and Owen share another one of those looks, and the 126 can only hope they’ve gotten through to them.

[sunny1ace]

Fix You - Part 3.4 of the FamAU

Characters: Patton Hart, Janus Viper, Logan Viper

Summary: It’s almost like everyone except Patton wants him to tell Logan the truth

Words: 2087

Warnings: Sad feelings, anxiety, let me know if I should add more :)

A/N: Listen we all just needed some soft platonic Mociet

Taglist (let me know if I should add you or take you off): @espepspes, @kaileah-kat, @i-need-you-buddy

***

Patton is running out of time. 

On one hand, he has endless time. Even when they graduate, it doesn’t mean it’s the end. But on the other hand, who knows what will happen! Logan could move overseas or go to space!

(Admittedly, the second one isn’t very likely, but Patton has come to realize that with Logan, nothing is impossible.)

It doesn’t help at all that Dee has been giving him that look since he met up with him back in their dorm room after class. Maeve isn’t much better, but at least she’s mostly focused on painting Dee’s nails ten different colors. 

“Remind me again why Aldridge didn’t convince you?” Dee asks with a sigh.

“Stop moving!” Maeve protests. Dee sticks his tongue out at her.

Patton shrugs, pulling his blanket around him tighter. “I guess I know there’s a chance we’ll find each other again, but what about all the time we’ll miss spending together?”

“Patt,” Maeve says, not looking up from Dee’s fingers. “What’s so hard about saying you wanna bang him?”

“Maeve!”

“Stop moving!”

Dee huffs at her. “What Maeve would say if she had any sort of elegance-”

“Fuck you, for one.”

“-is that if you really care about him, tell him. Holding back will only hurt you.”

Patton makes a pouting face. “Worse than him not feeling the same way?”

“At least that way you’ll know.”

The room falls silent aside from Maeve’s out of tune humming and the occasional hiss from Dee whenever she gets nailpolish on his hands. Patton watches them, and part of him is jealous. He wants what they have. Complete trust and care and openness.

He could have it.

Patton bites his lip. “Okay.”

Maeve jumps at the sudden break in silence, “Dee don’t move!”

“I didn’t!” Dee glares at her, then looks up at Patton. “Are you sure?”

“Aw, kiddo, I’m always sure!”

“I’m not a child.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Just paint my nails, Maybelline,” Dee snarks back at Maeve. He raises his eyebrows at Patton. “I’m serious. I watched the two of you dance around each other for four years, and you’re just deciding this here, now?”

Patton shrugs. “No time like the present!”

Dee snorts, “Tell that to the you of the past.”

“If I could time travel, I’d make sure to let him now.”

It takes Dee a few seconds, and he blinks blankly. “Truly one of your best puns, darling.”

Patton smiles shyly, “Yeah, I’m nervous.”

Twisting the cap on her nailpolish kind of violently, Maeve flops down onto her back, sticking one foot out to poke Dee in the face with it. “I feel like I’m at a middle school sleepover. Just call him!”

Dee shoves Maeve’s foot away and tosses Patton his phone. Patton fumbles it, accidentally hitting it back at Dee, who looks very tired as the phone and Maeve’s foot hit his face. Patton grimaces, “Sorry! One more time.”

Tossing it slower, Dee ducks, only straightening when he’s sure Patton has the phone securely in both hands. “Good, now dial.”

“And say what? I can’t confess over the phone!”

Maeve sits up again, blowing her uneven bangs out of her face. “You’re having lunch with him, right?”

“Yep!”

“Ask him if you can tell him something important when you meet, that way you can’t chicken out.”

Patton tilts his head. “Hey… that’s pretty smart!”

“That’s because I’m pretty smart,” Maeve says, throwing a pillow at Dee when he makes an ‘eh’ noise.

Giggling, Patton shakes his head. His friends are pretty weird. With a deep breath he dials Logan’s number, holding his phone to his ear. It rings four times and Patton starts to think Logan won’t pick up when the line clicks.

“Patton, I was just about to call you.”

Patton is well aware of Dee and Maeve’s eyes on him as his face brightens. “Really? Well I guess I beat you to it!”

There’s something off in Logan’s voice when he says, “I suppose you did.”

Ignoring it, Patton fiddles with the blanket around him. “I wanted to ask you something, but you go ahead, okay?”

“Very well.” Logan clears his throat and Patton already knows it’s bad news. “I’m afraid I- well you see something came up and- Patton I’m afraid I’ll have to cancel lunch.”

Apparently the disappointment on his face is obvious, because Dee starts waving his hand with a question look, “What?”

“He has to cancel lunch,” Patton whispers.

Maeve makes a face. “Dick.”

“I’m sure he has a good reason!” Patton defends, still whispering. “I’ll just talk to him tomorrow.”

Dee shakes his head. “No, you won’t. I know you. Tell him now!”

Patton stares at him, one beat, two, then goes back to the phone. “That’s okay, Lo! Don’t worry about it!”

Both Maeve and Dee groan.

“Excellent, now what was your question?”

“Oh…” Patton goes back to whispering. “He wants to know what my question was.”

“Tell him!” Maeve and Dee whisper shout at the same time.

Patton gives them an apologetic look, raising his voice for Logan, “I was just wondering where you wanted to meet. That doesn’t really matter anymore though!”

Dee slaps his forehead, Maeve goes back to painting her toes.

Panic starts to settle in Patton’s chest, the same feeling he gets when he accidentally procrastinates on homework and only realizes the day it’s due. He’s pretty sure Logan says something else, but he can’t make it out over the rushing blood in his ears. “I’ll see you around!’

It’s only after he hangs up that he realizes he didn’t tell Logan how incredible he is, which is definitely something Logan would notice. So now Logan probably hates him.

Dee stands up and ruffles his hair, “Come on, sunshine. Maeve is going to meet her sister for lunch, you and I can grab something together.”

Forcing a smile, Patton nods. “Okie dokie!”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Pretend you’re fine.”

Patton shrugs, and then Maeve is hugging him. “Dee doesn’t know what physical affection is,” she says.

“Shut up,” Dee replies, but he smiles encouragingly at Patton and his hand stays on his head. 

Maeve huffs into his shoulder. “You’ll be okay, sweetheart. There’s always tomorrow.”

“Right.” Patton hugs her back. “Tomorrow will be better.”

“There you go.” Maeve pulls back and stands, and just like that her soft, caring behavior is gone. “Now I’m going to go eat the hottest wings that place downtown has!”

Dee’s eyes widen in alarm. “What!? You can barely handle normal hot sauce!”

“That’s what my sister said!” Maeve is already halfway out the door. “Time to prove her wrong!”

“Or go to the hospital!”

“Sounds like an adventure!” The door slams, Dee pinches his nose.

Patton smiles, “She still wants kids, right?”

“Yes. I’m terrified.”

“I’m excited.”

Dee snorts and passes Patton his cardigan, “Let’s get going, I want steak.”

“I bet you take it rare-”

“Oh god.”

“-like you!”

Rolling his eyes, Dee stuffs his hands in his pockets. “You’re a comedian, Patton.”

“I know that was sarcastic, but I’m going to take the compliment!”

Campus is busy, friends and couples rushing from place to place, to get food or to class, some are already going home. It tugs at Patton’s heart, that he won’t see these things anymore come next week. He glances at Dee, puffing up his cheeks. “So… you mad at me?”

“Never.”

Patton smiles, sticking his hands in his pockets and his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he tries to keep pace with Dee. Unlike Logan, he doesn’t slow down for him. “Hey Janus?”

“Uh oh.”

“What?”

“You only use my real name when it’s serious.”

“I do not!”

“Do too.” Dee throws an arm over Patton’s shoulders. “Come on, let it out.”

Patton huffs. “Do you think that if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them?”

“No.”

“What- that fast?”

Dee shrugs. “I don’t think love is on the universes scales of who you happen to run into on the street. There’s no such thing as soulmates, Patton.”

“Then…” Patton wrinkles his eyebrows. “What do you call people who are in love, who want to spend the rest of their lives together?”

“Idiots.” At Patton’s affronted noise, Dee sighs. “Happy idiots.”

Stopping, Patton turns to frown up at Dee. A bicyclist passes them, and Patton can’t even force himself to smile and wave like he usually does. “So what happens if graduation comes, and I never tell Logan?”

“Most likely? You get a good job, you buy an apartment with a leaking sink, Maeve stops by at least once a week to annoy you, we have Sunday dinners that move to Friday’s after Maeve has a kid. We learn how to golf of all things, and that replaces the parties and “wild nights”. We get old, we retire, we die and I give my law firm to one of my godchildren, and we’re buried next to each other like the codependent bachelors we are.”

Patton giggles, “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“No. It doesn’t.” Dee rolls his eyes and sets a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “But it would be so much better if you had Logan.”

“I know.”

“Then tell him.”

Right on cue, Patton’s phone plays the familiar “Up” theme. He takes it out of his pocket, staring at Logan’s contact. “I can’t tell him.”

“Darling-”

“I want that.” Patton puts his phone away and smiles at Dee, “I want the golf and leaky sink and annoying Maeve. I want to get old with you.”

“And without Logan?”

No. More than anything, no.

Patton smiles up at Dee, “Come on, Janus. Lunch is waiting.”

It’s not until Janus is walking ahead of him that he pulls out his phone to text Logan an apology. Maybe Dee is wrong. Maybe one day they will find each other. One day when Patton isn’t so scared.

The rest of the day is a blur. Patton puts so much effort into trying to keep up a happy facade that every minute blends into the last until he’s sitting in his dorm, and Janus sets a bottle of blue nail polish in front of him and says, “Tomorrow will only be better if you let it.”

Staring at the blue shade, Patton imagines a yellow one next to it, an orange next to that. He imagines his mom’s voice that he can barely remember past the few home videos in a box under his bed. 

Tomorrow will only be better if you let it.

Was that her mistake? Is that his?

“Patton.” Dee sits down on the edge of his bed, taking the nail polish and setting it gently in his palm. 

“I know.”

Dee nods, leaning forward to kiss Patton on his forehead. “You’re letting fear keep you from being happy.”

“I am happy!” Patton argues, and there’s weight behind it. He is happy. He loves Janus and Maeve and his dad and he’s so excited to get his degree-

“You’re not the happiest you can be.” Janus smiles, “Tell him, for our collective sanity.”

Patton’s phone dings. The roommates both lean over to see who would be texting at this hour, Patton half expects it to be Maeve, asking if they have any frozen burritos left. 

It’s not. It’s Logan.

Library? Only if you wish to.

“Should I say yes?”

Dee gives him a deadpan look. “No. You should turn down this perfectly timed opportunity because of campus curfew.”

“Oh..”

“Say yes!”

Patton jumps. “Oh!” he fires a text back, jumping up to shove on his shoes. He turns and looks at Dee. “Tomorrow will be better.”

“Because you’re going to let it be, you giant sap.” Janus throws Patton’s cardigan at his face and waves his arms at the door, “Go!”

Ten minutes after that, Logan is standing in front of him in the empty library, breathtaking and smart and tired and sad.

Patton tries to remember all the love stories he’d ever heard, a song lyric or a poem, any one of the things Janus had beautifully said about love over the years, some way to tell his best friend and love of his life how he feels.

At least forty forced smiles, the rollercoaster of a day, and the late hour make it so very, very hard.

He shuffles his feet and then sighs, he can do this. “Logan-”

“I’m in love with you,” Logan blurts.

Patton’s eyes widen.

The world stops.

[larkfox]

( SAOIRSE RONAN, FEMALE, SHE/HER ) ⌇ have you seen LARKSPUR FOX around icaria? they are the TWENTY-SEVEN year old child of ZELUS. they remind me of HOMEMADE PROTEST SIGNS, SING-SCREAMING ALONG TO THE RADIO, and A HEAVY STACK OF HISTORY BOOKS. They’ve been on the island for 4 years. 

Lark comes in two volumes: Loud and VERY LOUD. An intellectually brilliant radical anarchist, she is prone to protesting against Icaria’s government and for a different cause every week. Although she’s certainly spread awareness for some significant issue, not every cause Lark champions is noteworthy… or even logical. Whoever is within her radar will inevitably hear an earful. She’s also a gigantic nerd- particularly history- so she knows a lot of stuff but lacks in common sense.

She has a very weird, codependent friendship with Steffi, whom is probably her best friend at this point because fate keeps shoving them in the same place. They are both very annoying for different reasons, and the two together can get chaotic. Important: Lark likes Steffi more than Steffi likes Lark, but Lark is more fond of people as a whole than Steffi.

You may be thinking: Lisa! Why do you have two bumbling, good-intentioned loud characters that can be irritating to others? Is Lark going to just be Chloe 2: Electric Boogaloo? Fair question. Lark and Chloe are self-aware in completely opposite ways. Chloe would never indulge in this kind of reckless behavior or be anything close to this argumentative. Anyway, I’ve basically written an essay about Lark below, so you can see for yourself.

Further information/bio:

Basics

A PhD candidate in History at Icaria’s University, she is keen on finishing her dissertation soon and trying to get a job at The Icaria Museum. If that doesn’t work, she supposes she will just have to see about becoming a professor or something. She’s so close to finishing, though, it’s palpable.

On the side, she does some copyediting and tutoring because living isn’t cheap. Sometimes she also does some music production, but that’s not a big thing.

Lark is a bit immature, and an absolute disaster at interpersonal relationships. She is heavily opinionated, and rarely keeps anything close to her chest. A gay mess, she didn’t have her first relationship until her early twenties. She has very mixed feelings about her demigod status (and her dad, whom she didn’t meet until he swung by to tell her about the disappearances and urge her to move).

Early Life

Her conception kicked off in a dramatic fashion. Diana Fox was a sixteen year  old teenager in Canada when she attended her first protests (various feminist ones, mostly). After one of them, she met up with a strange guy who just seemed to get it (also he seemed to like debating for fun). He (the god Zelus) was definitely too old for her, but she lied about her age, and ended up pregnant after a few trysts. Diana decided to keep the kid, but she most definitely wasn’t ready to be a mother. She named the child Larkspur because she thought it sounded cool, the flowers were pretty, and also she was kind of a punk who got a kick out of her kid being named after something poisonous. And that was about as much contribution as little Larkspur’s parents offered up in terms of upbringing for those early years. Gods weren’t about that sort of child-raising life, and Diana wanted to enjoy what remained of her adolescence.

Cecilia and Dale Fox stepped up, and raised their granddaughter. Larkspur adored her grandparents, even if they did not quite expect to have to raise a baby at their age. They were only in their late forties, but a grandchild to take care of had not exactly been in their plans while they were both still working. Cecilia’s job didn’t pay as well, so she took a few years off to be the primary caretaker for the little girl. When Lark was four, she was able to go to preschool, which helped everyone.

Larkspur frankly thought her name was embarrassing. What kind of mother named her kid after a poisonous plant? She was much happier to go by Lark in school, or even just Fox.

Even though her mother could have cared less about books and learning, Lark took to school rather well. She rarely had to study, and knocked out essays and reports without thinking too hard about it. Marks didn’t mean much to her, but she still skipped grade two. Even after that, she continued to excel in school.

A Turn for the Worse

When Lark was nine, Dale started to get sick, which inspired Diana to head back home. She moved back in, and tried to be more than a parent when it was convenient. Lark didn’t like that very much, so she clung to her grandmother, or shut herself up in her room for a while. The only time that Lark felt really close to her mom was when she took her along to protests.

Lark has absolutely been arrested for protesting before, but it’s never resulted in any real convictions. Her mom is the one who’s actually seen prison time. Lark actually thinks that’s very cool. Diana and Dale did not agree with the coolness level of any criminal activity, but did their best to point the kids (i.e. Diana and Lark) in the right direction.

Zelus

Lark thinks her dad sucks even if he’s supposedly one of the good guys. It doesn’t even matter that Zelus seemed to be the god of nothing good. She didn’t find out who her dad really was until Diana came back home and sat the family down. I will now present you with an excerpt of the conversation:

Diana: So I’m sure that you’re all wondering a few things.

Dale: Yes, I’m always wondering things, Annie.

Diana: About Larkspur’s dad!

Dale: Ohh. Yes, we’ve all been wondering about that.

Lark: I haven’t!

Diana: You haven’t?

Lark: Not really!

Cecilia: Grandpa and I have been wondering. Diana, where were you going with this?

Diana: Oh. Right. So it turns out he’s a god… Here, let me show you…

Lark: Is this a print-out from a Google search?

Cecilia: Her father is Zeus? Like the greek god Zeus?

Diana: No!! Zelus! There’s an entire extra letter in there. He’s like Zeus’ pal. Or at least that’s what I’ve read about on Google.

Lark: So he’s still a greek god. But like a discount greek god. Eh. Zeus is probably just as good of a dad as this one is.

Cecilia: Zelus. Like zealots. Oh. Oh no. Let’s just… Make sure nothing happens with that.

Dale passed away when Lark was twelve, which especially devastated his wife. Cecilia had gone back to work a while back, and she took the opportunity when it came up to transfer into a slightly better paying opportunity in the UK. It helped that she was born there, and still had aunts and cousins around. It was about time to move back. Diana wanted to stay in Calgary, but Lark wanted to go with her grandmother. Making her first mature decision in a long time, Diana conceded, and applied for jobs overseas.

Steffi

Lark had been poor at making friends in Canada, and this did not improve thousands of miles away. The person that she got on best with was Steffi, a recent transplant from Germany that did not seem to be fitting in well either. Since Steffi did not seem to have any friends either, Lark latched on immediately. The mean comments didn’t exactly phase her (especially because the older girl didn’t seem to outright hate the idea of being friends).

Her friendship with Steffi is… weird. Here are some helpful references: the entire main character group from Friends as two people. All of the characters from Derry Girls (including side characters) as two people. Rosie and Tanya from the MMCU (Mamma Mia Cinematic Universe). The Odd Couple. You get the picture.

Anyway, while they were very good friends, it still did not come up in conversation where they both settled on schools until acceptance time came. Heidelberg University’s History program was amazing, and Lark couldn’t turn down how reasonably priced German schools were. She casually-but-not-casually suggested that she and Steffi room together, and was pleasantly surprised to start the next year with a roommate that wanted to be friends.

After graduation, Lark and Steffi went to separate universities for graduate school, and conversation was not quite as frequent as Lark would have liked. She did start to make more like-minded friends in her Musicology masters program. The professors seemed not to hate her either; she was “a pleasure to have in class” but not the student with the highest grades. Oddly enough, she and Steffi just kept running into each other without planning on trips and the like.

Poorly thought through things that Lark has suggested to Steffi (list is not exhaustive):

Protesting for squirrel rights on their university campus at 2 AM (nobody else agreed to join her)

That they should have split custody of a shiny beetle that Lark found on the ground. She stopped trying to persuade her friend after the beetle started flying around the room

Marriage pact if they are both still single by age 42

Reenacting various historical scenes while sober

Road trip across Europe on a beercycle (with only two people)

It had never seemed like a good idea to mention her demigod status until Lark and Steffi bumped into each other… on Icaria. Overjoyed to have her friend back, Lark suggested rooming together again, but this was unfortunately shot down. She still spends quite a lot of time at Steffi’s apartment and vice-versa.

Powers

Power-wise, she has some control over the human voice, which she finds easiest to use for controlling the volume of her own voice. Lark can’t change the concepts of the sound, but she can alter the volume or “throw” the sound so it comes like it originates somewhere else. If Lark were actually interested in starting a cult or being a politician or something, she could use her superior control over the voice to make herself heard without distortion, and deafen the voices of those that opposed her. A loud enough voice could even cause real damage. Fortunately(?), Lark has little interest in all of that, and isn’t especially charismatic to begin with. She only really uses it to force people to listen to her when she’s trying to tell people something deemed important. Or to secretly help shy friends that don’t know how to project. Or to make annoying mansplainers stop talking over her. Or to make Steffi go shhh when she shows up in her apartment in the morning

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Our Father, Who Aren't in Heaven (15x08)

I'm screaming.

Cons:

Buckleming episodes usually piss me off, but this one was actually really great. It was still plagued with the same pacing problems I always see in their episodes, though. A lot of great stuff happened here, but it didn't necessarily have a ton of room to breathe. Some of it did - the Cas and Dean stuff, the Michael and Adam stuff. And maybe that's the most important. But it might have been nice to have a longer beat with Rowena, or a bit more buildup with Eileen and the case. For an episode written by these two chuckle-fucks, though, I'm honestly really, really impressed.

Donatello is an okay-ish character, but his presence here felt mostly unnecessary. Didn't we have enough to juggle, without introducing him into the mix? Eileen, Cas, Rowena, Chuck, Michael, Adam... there's a lot going on here. It probably could have been done without him.

Pros:

I really don't know where to start, so let's start with Eileen. Just the fact that she's in this episode warms me from head to toe. She's... actually in the show. She's here, in the mid-season finale, where important Plot Stuff is happening. She's a real player in events, and after she came back from the dead, she stuck around in the bunker. Like she's... really in the show, you guys. Three episodes in a row!

On a more specific note, I love that Sam followed her and Eileen called him out on it... this could have been really creepy but I think they played it right. Eileen died and came back to life, and Sam is just starting to develop this relationship with her. It makes sense that he might be a little overbearing. And Eileen's reaction was pitch-perfect. She's a little annoyed, a little amused, but also maybe a little touched? And Sam takes the criticism to heart, realizing that he's probably overstepped. Later, when Eileen has a case that she needs to go on, to help an old friend, she goes to Sam and tells him, and he tags along. This seems like a good arrangement - Eileen isn't being stupid and running off by herself for no reason, but Sam is also respecting her boundaries and letting her approach him if and when she wants help with something.

We've also got Dean giving his seal of approval to the relationship, telling Sam that if he wants to do the family and relationship thing, Eileen is probably a good way of going about that. She's a hunter, she gets the life. And, as Dean says... Sam could do a lot worse. And Eileen could do so, so much better. I honestly think this little conversation was important to include. It's not like Sam needs Dean's blessing to start a relationship with Eileen, but... let's be honest, guys. Yes he does. Not literally, but can you really imagine either of the Winchester brothers being able to foster a healthy and lasting relationship with someone who didn't meet the other brother's approval? The codependency issues here are clear, and not to be discounted.

So then let's move on to Rowena. I loved her return here. It was totally unexpected, and totally brilliant. As I mentioned above, I really could have used more of her. The brief moment where Sam wants to hash out their last moments, and Rowena brushes him off, could have felt weightier. But the fact that we even got to see her again was such a gift. And what a natural end for her character! Queen of Hell. It fits, especially since I think we've pretty much confirmed that we won't be seeing Crowley again before the end. She got to show up looking like a boss-ass bitch, save Sam, Dean, and Castiel from getting their asses handed to them, shout orders, try to help them find Michael, assert her dominance and her happiness in her new role, and even try to kick Dean and Cas into gear, as she notices that they're clearly in some sort of "tiff." As brief as her return was, it certainly packed a punch, and I loved it so very much.

Cas and Dean's strained relationship right now is giving me life. This is the most Destiel-adjacent content we've gotten since Season Eight, and with the two of them returning to Purgatory, we're bound to get a lot of material in the new year, as well. The thing that I like so much about their story arc this season is that... there is a story arc. Dean has been cruel and dismissive of Cas in the past, and Cas has made mistakes, and circumstances have conspired to keep Castiel out of episodes as he goes off on his own quests... none of this is strictly new. But what is new is the narrative weight being placed on it. This is a slow-burn conflict that's going to have to have meaty screen-time to resolve. They had a serious fight, and it's actually affecting both of them in their actions.

Both Jensen and Misha are pulling out all the stops in giving this conflict the weight it deserves. There are so many delicious moments. They make their plans and discuss their options, but they can't even meet each other's eyes. There's the moment after Cas forces Michael to confront the truth, and Dean comes in and says "maybe you went too far." It's a gentle remonstrance, and he's clearly trying not to ruffle Cas' feathers. I loved the way Jensen played that, like he needed to talk to Cas about what went down, but he wanted to be careful not to antagonize him. When Rowena confronts them, they both do the typical thing of pretending everything's fine, still refusing to look at each other.

But the moment where my heart just squeezed in my chest was obviously when Dean cut his hand in order to do the spell to get to Hell, and Cas healed him, his hand hovering over Dean's fist without touching. Dean's hand unfurls and for a moment their fingers are centimeters apart, but they never touch. Many a meta has been written about the intimate way that Cas has always healed Dean, and how that juxtaposes to the way he heals other people. And in this moment, they don't touch, and it speaks volumes. I seriously have to ask the question - why was this moment in the episode? Sam could have been the one to cut his hand, or Dean could have, but then could have wrapped it up and moved on. It's not like we haven't seen Sam and Dean brush off wounds like this and ignore them before. This was a weighty, intentional moment. We lingered on it. I am alive, y'all.

Now let's turn to Adam/Michael. This is so amazing, and not at all what I think anyone was expecting when we found out Jake Abel was returning. Sure, Adam is a little pissed off at his brothers for leaving him in the cage, and sure Michael is still going on and on about being God's favorite, but even as so much has stagnated for these two characters, we've also learned what they've been up to in the cage for the past decade. They've made an arrangement. Only one body, but two brains... so they agree to share, more or less peacefully. Sam and Dean were shocked when Michael let Adam come to the forefront to say hi to his brothers. But the two of them seem to be... buddies. Adam is able to speak freely to Michael, to express his opinion that the Winchesters might have a point. Even though Michael can't quite listen to him in this instance, it's clear that he gives real consideration to Adam's opinions.

Adam was introduced on this show such a long time ago, and it would have felt disingenuous and annoying if we'd spent too long on the whole "you let me rot in hell" business. Of course that's something Adam would be thinking about, but it's not like Sam and Dean really knew him all that well. He doesn't seem to place much weight on his status as their brother, and I can't really blame him for that. He's had to forge his own path, and he's done so by becoming friends with the angel who is possessing him. I love that glow-up for Adam.

And Michael... he has to have his heart broken the same way Sam did when he found out that Chuck has been playing them all along. I loved the moment when Cas forcefully made him confront the truth, because of course it was too much, of course it was overwhelming, but ultimately it pushed him to understand that his loyalty to God is not worth the pain and suffering he's been through. And so, in much the way that Chuck knew how to cage Amara, Michael knows how to cage Chuck. He's willing to help by passing that information along. It's a spell, of course. And the most vital ingredient is something that can only be found in Purgatory. What with Sam and Eileen dealing with Chuck elsewhere, it's going to be up to Cas and Dean. They must return to the place where their epic romance really took off and began to slowly murder us all!

Chuck has Eileen and Sam right where he wants them, and even worse, Dean and Cas don't know. This is going to create great drama, as well as opportunities for our two couples (shut up and let me have this) to spend time together as we go in to the back half of the season. My heart is really starting to break, thinking about how little time we have left with this show!

I feel like this review could get out of hand very quickly. In many ways, this felt understated for a mid-season finale. Nobody died, the status quo didn't really shift all that much. But I actually liked it better for all that. Things are in motion. Character dynamics are being explored. This is a good season of Supernatural, y'all. Fingers crossed they can stick the landing!

9/10