#and anyone with adhd knows how hard it is to do something at a later time when the first attempt already required so many spoons and do much

[hopecomesbacktolife]

girlies who call the student loan company to discuss their payments despite the scaries are literally so brave it’s me I’m girlies

[silverislander]

i know logically in my brain that i have a disorder that makes it hard for me to focus and do work, the symptoms of which are not gonna go away bc other people need/want me to do stuff, and still like. i'm behind on a bunch of shit for school rn and i'm kind of spiralling over it bc WHY IS IT HARD. this is stuff i like doing and that i want to do. and i can't for the life of me fucking do it and the deadlines are coming up and i NEED TO FUCKING GRADUATE so it has to get done

[alessiasfreckles]

not good, not bad, just different (leah williamson x ADHD!reader)

disclaimer: this is based off of my personal experience of ADHD. this is in no way saying that this is what adhd looks like for everyone!!

a/n: based on this request! i hope you like it, i'm sorry it's so all over the place but that also felt pretty thematic so... hopefully it's okay. i'm planning on doing 1-2 more parts to this! the next part will be about the reader getting diagnosed and coming to terms with their diagnosis + telling the other lionesses about it. also if you're interested in more WLW football based fiction involving ADHD, read Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner!

------------

You had always felt… different. Not in a ‘not like other girls’ kind of way, more like an ‘I don’t understand what’s wrong with me’ kind of way. Things just seemed to be so much harder for you than for everybody else. 

As a teenager, you were constantly getting told off by your parents for your messy room and bad grades. You were a smart kid, they said, so why couldn’t you just do your homework and study for tests like everyone else?

You would ask yourself the same thing. Forcing yourself to sit at your desk, staring at your maths textbook, desperately begging your brain to just cooperate, just this once, not understanding why it was so hard to just do the work. 

When your parents would come into your room you would instantly feel a flash of white-hot shame at the state of it. Clothes everywhere, rubbish you’d forgotten about in corners, plates, cups, half empty water bottles. You couldn’t help it, it was like once something was out of your line of sight, you just forgot it existed, like the plate of half-eaten food that you’d put next to the bed at some point and then had absent-mindedly pushed under the bed to get it out of your way. When you found it weeks - okay, months - later, you were so embarrassed by the mould that you secretly threw it away rather than take it downstairs to the kitchen, where anyone could see it. 

You would forget things you knew you should remember, things that anyone else would have remembered, like weekly tutoring sessions that your parents paid for (something they reminded you of when you forgot, yet again). You felt so stupid. It was at the same time, every Wednesday after school, so why couldn’t you remember? 

Or doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments, any kind of appointment really. You would write it into your calendar, set yourself a reminder on the day, set yourself another reminder 30 minutes before, and all that would happen is that you would swipe away the reminder thinking ‘oh, yeah’, and then you’d continue doing whatever you were doing before. It was only when you’d hear the phone ring that you’d instantly know it was about you, about the appointment you’d missed, or maybe it was from school, or maybe something else you’d just completely forgotten about.

And all of that wasn’t even taking your issues with human interaction into account. You’d always struggled to make friends, especially as a girl who liked football. When you hit 9 or 10, the other girls in your class started to grow more interested in talking about boys, or music, or tv. You couldn’t understand what they found so interesting, that they’d rather spend breaks just sitting around chatting to each other when they could be running around playing football, or some other game, or anything more exciting. 

As you got a little older, though, you realised that it was clearly a ‘you’ problem. People at your secondary school were nice, for the most part, but you still struggled to make friends. When you’d accidentally interrupt someone, or start talking too much and too loudly in excitement, or fidget a little too noisily, people would give you looks and whisper to each other about how weird you were. You learned to sit on your hands to stop yourself from clicking a pen or tapping your fingers, to keep quiet to avoid saying the wrong thing or saying it the wrong way. 

Football was a good escape. It was fast-paced enough that you didn’t have time to think about other things, and there was enough going on that your brain wasn’t looking for external stimulation. You’d always been observant, noticing things most people wouldn’t notice, and you used it to your advantage. You were quick with the ball and you seemed to always know where everyone was around you. You were so good, in fact, that you made the England U17 squad - something you’d hoped would make you seem a little cooler at school, but just added to your ‘weirdness’. 

That time was far behind you now, though. Now you were in your twenties and not only played football professionally, having joined Arsenal when you were 19, but also played for the England senior squad, one of the Lionesses. 

That’s not to say that you didn’t still struggle with things. Your apartment was a mess, you lost things constantly, you would still interrupt people and fidget. You had friends though, at least. If anything, people knew what you were like and they loved you for it. It became a running joke on match days that you would inevitably lose your shoes, or your shin pads, or your phone, or that you’d need to borrow a hair bobble from someone. Everything would always show up right as you started to panic, though. Your shoes would be in the bathroom, because you’d been holding them when you went in to go to the toilet before the game like you always did. Your shin pads would be in the pockets of your jacket, one on each side, so you wouldn’t lose them. 

“Looking for this?” Leah would ask, pulling your phone out of her pocket and smiling at the look of relief on your face.

“Yes! Where was it?” 

“On the bus. You left it on your seat,” she explained.

“Huh. That doesn’t sound like me,” you joked.

“Nah, that definitely doesn’t sound like you,” she would say with a wink.

So, yeah. Maybe you had a reputation as the forgetful one, and the messy one, and the chaotic one, and the distracted one. But that was just who you were, right?

---------

Okay, you knew you were here for a reason. There must have been something you were going to get from the prep room, that’s literally the only reason you were there. You mentally went through everything you needed; shoes, on your feet, jacket, wearing it, headphones, in your pocket, water bottle - fuck, that was it! Your bottle!

You grabbed it from the bench where you’d left it and headed back out. On the way you needed to pee, so you quickly went to the bathroom, washed your hands, and went back to the training pitch.

“Did you get your water bottle?” Leah asked, a quizzical look on her face as she looked at your empty hands.

“Fuck,” you sighed. “I had it. Where the fuckety fuck did I put it?”

“Y/n, come on! Training started 5 minutes ago!” one of the trainers called over. You felt a white hot flash of shame in your belly, heat rising to your face.

“Do you want me to help you look for it?” Leah asked.

You shook your head, looking down. “No, it’s fine,” you muttered. “Let’s just start training.”

After training, Kyra came over to you in the changing room. 

“Here,” she said, holding out your bottle. “I found it in the toilets, on the sink.” 

---------

After that you made a list. You stuck it to the inside of your cubby, and every day you would look through it, double checking everything before you left the room. It helped for a while, until you started seeing the list as part of the background and your brain started ignoring it.

When you went to international camp, it got worse. You were away from your routine, in an unfamiliar environment. At least the people you were with was pretty much the same as always. As nice as it was to see everyone though, it was draining, too.

“Y/n? What do you want?” Leah asked. You were on a rare night out, the whole team at a restaurant by the beach together.

“Huh?” you asked, frowning. At a table nearby, people were singing ‘Happy Birthday’, cheering, clapping. On the other side of you, someone was having a conversation - it sounded like they were on a first date, but that didn’t make sense, you were in Spain, they sounded English, why would they be on a first date here? 

“What do you want to order?” Leah asked again, prompting you. The waitress stood there, looking at you expectantly, notepad in her hand. A light flickered somewhere in the corner of your eye.

“Oh, um, I,” you stuttered, looking at the huge menu in front of you. The people on the date were talking about what kind of things they liked to do on holiday, she liked to go sightseeing, he just wanted to relax, at another table a baby started crying, the ice in people’s glasses was clinking, knives and forks were scraping against plates, that song you’d had stuck in your head for days now was still playing on a loop in the back of your head, your leg was bouncing uncontrollably under the table, someone’s nails were tapping against their phone, the man was telling the woman that the whole point of holidays is to relax-

Leah’s hand on your knee made you look up from where you’d zoned out looking at the menu. The waitress was gone. Leah was looking at you with a concerned expression, her hand steady on your knee. 

“Do you want to go outside, get some fresh air?” she asked calmly. 

You nodded wordlessly. 

With a hand on your arm she guided you outside the restaurant, taking you to a nearby bench to sit down. The breeze cooled the sweat on the back of your neck, making you shiver. 

“Are you cold?” Leah asked, reaching for her jacket. 

“No, no, I’m okay,” you said, breathing in deeply. You knew you should just go back inside, suck it up, smile at Leah and say everything was okay, but you just couldn’t yet. You just needed a few more minutes.

You sat there in silence for a minute. It wasn’t a bad silence, but you could tell Leah was giving you space to talk whenever you felt ready. You didn’t want to talk about what had just happened though, you felt too embarrassed about getting overwhelmed like that. Everyone else was fine, it was just you who couldn’t handle it.

“The people at the table next to us, I think they were on a first date,” you said instead, looking at your hands. 

“Yeah?” Leah laughed. 

“Yeah. But, like, why would they be on a first date here? They sounded English, why are they on a first date at a restaurant in Spain?” you asked.

“Huh, I dunno,” Leah mused. “Maybe they’re both on holiday and happened to meet and decided to go on a date?”

“Maybe,” you nodded. After a few seconds of quiet, you sighed. “I’m sorry about all that. I just got… there was just a lot going on.”

Leah squeezed your knee. “It’s okay. It was busy in there, wasn’t it?”

You nodded again. “Yeah. My brain just couldn’t handle it all. All the noises, and the menu- oh, fuck, I didn’t order anything!”

“It’s okay,” Leah chuckled. “I ordered for you.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. A sandwich and chips. If you don’t want it I’m sure someone else will eat it,” she shrugged. 

“I didn’t even notice you ordering for me,” you frowned. “I feel like something’s wrong with me.”

“Wrong with you? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I- I feel like something is wrong with my brain,” you tried to explain, not knowing how to put it into words.

Leah frowned. 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m making a big deal out of nothing,” you said, suddenly feeling awkward and embarrassed. “Let’s go back inside. Everyone is probably wondering where we are.”

“Wait, y/n, we can stay outside for a little bit longer,” Leah said.

“No, no,” you stood up quickly, not meeting her eyes. “Let’s go. I’m okay, I promise.”

———

It didn’t take long for Leah to corner you the next day, determined to talk to you..

“You seem distracted,” Leah said, sitting down next to you on the bench. “More distracted than usual, I mean.”

“Ha, yeah,” you said. “It’s kind of ironic, actually. I’m distracted because I’m distracted.”

“Right…” she said, frowning. “You’re distracted because you’re thinking about why you’re distracted?”

“Yeah,” you sighed, trying to think of how to word it. “We all know I get distracted easily, right?”

The blonde nodded. “Yeah, you’re like a magpie or something. You see something shiny, you gotta pick it up. Except the shiny thing is literally anything that catches your attention,” she laughed. 

“Exactly! Well, I was looking some stuff up online, or, no, I saw some stuff online, wait, let me start again,” you said. “My thoughts are moving faster than my mouth. Okay, so, when I was a teenager, I was on tumblr a lot. It was the only social media I really had. And on tumblr I’d see a lot about people with ADHD and autism and about hyperfixating on things. And I’ve always kind of hyperfixated on stuff - I mean, football, obviously, but other stuff too, like how on my days off I’ll binge watch an entire season of a TV show and then not shut up about it for like, a month straight, and then I’ll lose interest and basically never mention it again.”

“Or like when you decided to start playing guitar and bought a guitar and had 2 lessons and then stopped, or like when you got really into gardening for a few weeks and bought all those plants and seeds and books about gardening and then realised it was the wrong time of year for half the things you wanted to plant?” Leah asked, an amused look in her eyes.

“Huh. Yeah, I guess those count too,” you said, frowning. “So, yeah, I hyperfixate on things. And I’ve only ever seen it mentioned together with ADHD and autism. But I always thought wow, that’s so crazy that I do that but I don’t have either of those!”

“I feel like I know where this is going,” Leah smiled. 

“Leah, what if I do have ADHD? I don’t think I have autism, I mean, I might, but I haven’t really looked into it yet, maybe I should-”

“One thing at a time, okay?” she laughed, putting a hand on your arm. “Y/n, we both know I am in no way qualified to tell you if you have ADHD or not. But I know you very well. We’ve known each other for what, 5, 6 years now? And it would not surprise me in the slightest if you have ADHD.”

“Really?” you asked, incredulous. “What makes you say that?”

“You mean, aside from what I just mentioned?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Last night? At the restaurant?” she gently reminded you.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I may have also read up on the topic a bit. I kind of suspected you might have ADHD, but I didn’t want to bring it up until you did,” she explained, not meeting your eyes. You felt something flutter in your stomach at her confession. “Anyway, one of the things I read was that people with ADHD also struggle with overstimulation and sensory issues. Do you think that could be what happened last night?”

“Oh,” you said, suddenly quiet. “Maybe?”

“I’m sorry if I overstepped, I just-”

“No, no, it’s okay! It’s just a lot to take in.” you told her. Your mind was racing, thoughts splitting off into dozens of other thoughts, some fully formed and some nothing more than singular words or phrases. 

You sat together in silence for a few minutes.

“What do I do now?” you asked Leah, your voice small. “I, um, I didn’t think I’d get this far. You’re the first person I’ve told, and I kind of expected you to tell me I’m being silly.”

“I would never say that,” she said, turning to look at you, her eyes fixed on yours. “I wouldn’t say that about something important to you, I promise. And as for what to do now, well, I guess you have a few options. You can keep going as you have been, and do some more research, if you want, and try to figure it out alone. Well, not alone. You’ve got me. Or you could speak to someone, a professional. See if your hunch is right.”

“And then?”

“I dunno, I guess that’s up to you. I suppose they’d be able to help you with coping mechanisms, or put you on medication, if that’s what you wanted,” she shrugs. 

“Medication?” you asked. Your mind was full of pictures of hyperactive kids, bouncing off the walls. You propped your feet up on the bench, pulling your knees in close to your chest. “What if I’m wrong? What if there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m just being dramatic?”

“Then that’s okay, too,” Leah said firmly. “Then you’re just dramatic, but that’s okay, too. I promise.”

You nodded, resting your chin on your knees.

"Would you be able to help me find someone to talk to? I don't know how, or where, or, anything, really," you asked.

"Of course," she said, putting her arm around your shoulders and pulling you in close. "I'll help in any way I can."

[on-the-clear-blue]

The idea warms are hitting extremely hard today, so outside of my usual DPxDC I give you, Spider-Man in Gotham...Not MCU Peter edition!

Give me a Peter Parker that is 18 going on onto 19, he has been Spider-Man for like, 5 almost 6 years, getting his bite very early, and dealing with all the things that happen to him younger.

And give me a Year One Batman. Who is still trying to figure out what the hell he is doing, and toting along a 9 year old Robin

Peter, falling out of a portal, and doing his standard check of surroundings, spotting Batman staring at him in clunky armor and a brightly colored child: Waves slowly

Bruce, who heard some freaky shit was happening with a cult near by and went to investigate: blinking at the blue and red being that got summoned

Dickie, who is trying (and failing) to do the Bat glare: still waves back.

And like, just the idea of this 19 year old Spider-Man taking a much older vigilante under his wing, teaching him the ins and outs of it all.

Like..

Bruce, Storming through a bag guys base gets suddenly pulled back by a web to his cape.

Peter, giving him a "bitch you dumb" look under his mask: Traps! LOOK FOR TRAPS?? AND LOOK UP? PEOPLE HID THINGS UP?

Bonus, Spider-Man bending himself into a human pretzels and Dick "I have no bones" Grayson is gleefully testing to see if he could do it too.

Jump cut, years later, Peter beats emotional intelligence into Bruce with Dick.

All the Bat kids grow up with Uncle Peter, (either Peter can't get back or has been told specifically that he can't by a higher being or something) and like...

Peter is the only one that catches Tiny Tim following them during patrol, he shows him all the places to get the best angles, even poses a few times for him.

Either is there when Jason dies and saves him, or is there mourning with Bruce

(Gotham lives in fear of the memory, Batman at his most brutal and Black Suit Spider-Man)

Teaches Jason how to control his pit rage after he comes back, what is Spider-Man if not control?

Stephanie is his bestie in puns and white girl music tastes.

Tim finds a partner in constantly staying up far to late as well as someone who likes to invent,( because I hc that Peter has pretty much worked with every scientist in New York, cus like since this is a blend of canons, he has worked with the Lizard, Doc Oct, Reed Richards, the only one he said no to an internship was Stark)

Duke gets a meta mentor that can help him with his powers, Spidey has been on more than one team with someone that had some form of light powers.

Plus I think Spider-man is Gothams daytime hero before Signal joins him, they are the daytime duo

Cass is his favorite (don't tell anyone because they already know) she can see him and he can see her in a spider sense, they do the point meme whenever they sense each other.

Little stabby Damian finds out that this person with his father has been trained by many an assassin (Wade, Daredevil, Natasha, Shield in general)

And Wade...Deadpool pops up occasionally, even he doesn't understand why or how lBruce gets a strange feeling he should punch the Flash in the face the next time he sees him)

Bruce having to deal with Deadpool is terrible for him and I sadly love it.

(Also on the point of Black suit spidey in Gotham...ESPECIALLY after Jason is murdered? Oh Peter is killing the Joker, or his arm privileges forfeit. I feel like Peter would try not to kill him but wouldn't try too hard.)

Spider-man being a founding members of the Justice League, them having to deal with Peter crawling on the ceiling, and scuttering through air vents!

Peter making Parker Industries, pointing inventions from other heros/villains from his world, he isn't above pettiness, and that's how the DC world gets some of Reed Richard's old designs he gave to Peter "Because they are practically useless" they arnt they save millions of lives. Not to mention Arc Reactors, Peter grinned the whole time claiming it was his idea.

Hope you enjoy my ADHD rambling brought to you be sleep deprivation

[etherealspacejelly]

ok really hoping someone can help me out with this because its a bit weird. first of all, important data:

ok heres the deal. for most of my life, every time i have walked or stood up for more than 20-30 minutes, my feet hurt. not uncomfortable, PAINFUL. like pressing on a bruise painful. if i walk/stand for more than 3-4 hours its a SHARP pain like blisters, except there are no blisters and none form later (unless my shoes were rubbing or something, which if im wearing my usual trainers they dont)

I always thought this was normal and that everyone just grits their teeth through pain to do fun stuff like go to a zoo or a museum or a theme park. but i told my dad about it recently after a day out and he was like "what the fuck go to a doctor thats not normal my feet only feel uncomfortable right now they dont Hurt"

so i want to know how common this is. does anyone else get this? and what might be causing it?

information that may or may not be significant, just including it in case any of it is relevant to a condition i havent heard of:

i am diagnosed with adhd and working on an autism diagnosis

i am hypermobile (not diagnosed yet but. my neck and arms definitely hyper extend, and ive been able to touch the floor without bending my knees my whole life without stretching regularly, so i know i am)

my hands swell up in extreme temperatures. expecially if im exercising at the same time. i used to have to get other people to do up my shirt buttons after PE in school because i couldnt bend my fingers enough to do them myself

i bruise very easily. my brother likes to poke and prod me to get on my nerves and if he pokes just a little too hard, i bruise. also scratching my leg through my trousers causes me to bruise

i get friction pains on my hands if im doing something like carrying a heavy bag with a cloth handle or opening a tight jar

i have very dry skin and suffered from excema as a child/teenager

i have been looking into EDS and i think i might have hEDS, so idk if any of this is related to that. my dad also thought the foot pain might be an autism sensory issues thing?

if anyone can relate to any of this please tell me about your experiences and what causes it because that would be super helpful

thank you

[sometimesraven]

re: the ableism in Dot and Bubble

I understand it almost certainly wasn't Rusty's intention for the "can't walk without the arrows" thing to be ableist, but the implications are there and it was so, so hard to watch.

As I said while liveblogging, I've noted that reliance on tech like Google Maps has caused a regression in skills like navigation and a frustrating refusal to even try. I'm frequently faced with that fact as I live somewhere you have to use your eyes to see and most fast food delivery drivers just Cannot Find Us bc the GPS goes wild and they can't follow the directions I always give them so I inevitably have to go out to find them myself. Believe me, I know what he was going for with that part of the script.

However.

When you exaggerate that point to the tune of "she literally cannot walk" without the aid, and then instead of it being deeply disturbing to the two 'kind, helpful' characters (Doc n Ruby), they actively roll their eyes at her and it's played as an "omg how stupid is she" moment, you have to see how that looks.

Let's reframe it: someone you've met was raised in a cult. A very insular, very strict cult that they literally have never seen outside of. At this point in time you know nothing about them but you do know they're in a very insular, very closed-off society. One day they tell you they have no idea how to,,,,,, idk, wash themselves without assistance. If your first instinct is to laugh at them and roll your eyes like they're overexaggerating, you're an ableist.

I struggle to believe anyone like the Doctor wouldn't perhaps initially react with confusion/incredulity but then, after realising this person is 100% serious, go "oh my god that's horrible okay uh let me try to walk you through this and teach you how".

It's a horrible, cynical response that would maybe track if at this point the characters already knew she was an entitled pissbaby. But they don't and that's why it comes across so terribly.

Especially when there's no indication that this is a side-effect of her entitlement and she's literally insulting herself "I'm so stupid!" and genuinely upset and frustrated that she can't even walk in the face of actual death. And yes, she miraculously can walk again once she meets Ricky but it wasn't because she was ignoring the Doctor's advice because racism because he had not given her any. She had literally zero clue how to walk without assistance until Ricky guided her.

This isn't a refusal to learn a skill based on entitlement, this isn't a heavy-handed metaphor, you have given this girl a disability (even if it is psychosomatic, it is still a disability). And in a time where social media + youth entitlement is being blamed for an increase of ADHD, Autism, chronic illness and DID diagnosis-seekers (among other things, but those are the ones people are most aggressive against) that just does not look good At All.

Russel could easily have made it so that they just had no idea how to navigate without the bubble and refused to learn.

Maybe at first show it as genuine frustration on Lindy's part that she can't find anything without guidance but slowly show that no, she's perfectly capable, she just doesn't care to learn.

Hell, you could have everything play out the same way but have her genuinely get offered help to begin with by the Doctor and ignore it, only for Ricky to say the same thing to her later and she gets it immediately.

Idk, anything beyond literally disabling her. The show does a great job at humanising her before showing us that she was a monster all along, but I feel like Rusty himself forgot that he was still representing a Whole Entire Person (something that people on all ends of the political spectrum do All The Time: "person is bad therefore [___ism] is okay in this instance". Ableism especially)

[griefabyss69]

THWIP THURSDAY

technically tagged by @carbonbased000 for WIP SHARING PURPOSES and so here I am! Thank you <3 I haven't done any WIP posting/games/etc in ages and I appreciate everyone who tagged me, it makes me feel nice even if I don't participate <3 I mentioned in some tags earlier this week that I attempted to have a day where I took a break from writing (I've been writing a LOT lately, even more than I posted in Sept) and that instead of doing THAT, I got possessed by two brand new WIPs that refused to wait their turn. One of them is over 20K by now and the other I think is still under 10K but it's gonna be a long one! My instinct is to keep these squirreled away until they're finished but they're not gonna be finished for a very long time so I might as well share some of the longer one! ---

God. What a relief, when Eddie slides into the passenger's seat, looking exactly how Steve expects him to, smelling like coffee and cigarettes - though he said he was quitting - and everything he uses in the shower. "Hey," he says, pulling out of the driveway. "Hello there," Eddie says, looking him over. "Is this a… don't you DARE talk to me about it kind of thing, or do you want to bring it up later, or should I pull it out of you with brute force?" Steve laughs. Everything's actually alright, isn't it? "The second thing. Nothing's… nothing's that bad, just had a hard day," he says. "Even though it was short." "Yeah," Eddie says, graciously, though Steve can tell that Eddie can tell that whatever it is feels like fucking dogshit. "Lucky you, then. You get to hang out with a such a distracting, devastating specimen like myself." Steve's got. Hot blood. It reminds him presently. "Uh-huh," he says, flat and dry as possible. "Tell that to all of the sexy single moms when we're waiting in line and you've got your cart full of like, fucking ice cream and TV dinners." Eddie laughs, scrunching his face at him. "You think you're sooo funny," he says. "That's embarrassing." "No, what's embarrassing is that you think I'm funny." Eddie bites his lips together like he's trying not to smile, crossing his arms. He doesn't have a retort, but Steve knows that's only because it's still Eddie's version of too-fucking-early in the morning. "You had coffee, right? Breakfast?" he checks. There's a diner up ahead. "Yeah, didn't want to go terrorize the aisles hungry, or whatever you said," Eddie sighs. "So I ate the stalest peanut butter sandwich on EARTH and with coffee that had NO milk in it." Steve laughs. "Good thing I'm here to save the day," he says, and pulls into the diner. He's not hungry, but they can get something small and share it or something. Whatever Eddie wants.

This fic is set in 1990 and is about trauma AND bdsm AND deep easy friendships AND it's got some of my most Eddie dialogue ever in it. (I've really been working on my presentation of him as someone who does NOT grow out of the adhd hyperactivity, perhaps inspired by pulling myself out of the sludge of a months long disassociation/depression thing and my own return of adhd hyperactivity, which is why I got SO possessed by the Stories I'm Writing)

I'm not tagging anyone specifically because if you see this (thank you for reading all of that ^), you're it!!! Please @ me so I can see your wip thank you <3

[hyperfixatedoncrimminalminds]

Spencer Reid x semi verbal Autistic teen reader

Request from Ao3

Request: Could you also do a request of a semi verbal autistic/adhd teen with Spencer? They are smart and like talking to Spencer about their special interests? I don't mind how they are related, but it would be really nice.

Summary: The team arw on a case and Spencer needs to get some information from a teen but doesn't know how to start it so he starts talking to the teen about his special interests

Third person pov...

The team were currently out on a case it was a messy one, a family had been murdered both the parents and the younger siblings, the only person left was the eldest child, Y/N L/N.

When the police arrived after being called by the neighbours, they found the teen knelt next to the bodied of his family rocking back and forth in a trance, he was holding something in his hands which was a toy dinosaur covered in blodd, it was his younger brothers favourite toy and one of Y/Ns special interests.

Y/N is autistic and semi-verbal (Semi-Verbal is a term used to describe people who are between full-verbal and non-verbal  Semi verbal is still having some access to verbal speech but being restricted in some way.) So it was difficult for the officers to get him out of the house and to the police station.

Since they found him kneeling in the blood of his family Y/N hasn't spoken a word to anyone, the teen was currently sat in an empty office in the police station.

The teen was pacing around the room still holding onto the dinosaur, when the officers tried to take the Dinosaur off him as it was covered in his baby brothers blood the teen freaked out and had a meltdown so they didn't take it off him.

A couple of hours later the FBI arrived to profile the Unsub and to also see the witness, Hotch saw the teen body language, from the file he already knew the teen was autistic.

Based on those facts he picked the perfect person from his team to go and ask the teen some questions and that person was their own resident genius Spencer Reid.

Spencer eyed the teen with curiosity. He knew that getting the information he need was going to be a challenge and that he needed to think outside of the box.

As he watched the teen from outside the room, he noticed that he seemed to be fiddling with something in his hands and looked like he had an affinity for it.

Spencer took a breath and stepped through the door, he watches as thw teen stops his pacing but doesn't make an eye contact.

Spencer steps closer to the teen but not to close he knows how much he likes his personal space, the Dr then asks his question "Hey, what is that you're holding?"

The teen looked up at him for a moment, confusion evident on his face. He was semi-verbal, Spencer knew, and being Autistic made communication even more difficult.

Spencer felt for the boy, knowing how hard it must be for him to communicate. He decided to try a different tack, gesturing to the object the teen was holding and stating, "I'm interested in what you have there; can you tell me more about it?"

At this, a smile slowly spread across the boy's face and he eagerly started to talk about the dinosaur he was hanging on to.

He spoke quickly, but Spencer was able to piece together the story behind the toy dinosaur.

Not only did Spencer get the information he was looking for, but he also learned more about the teen's special interests.

He realized that having an understanding and compassionate ear could go a long way with someone who struggled with communication.

"He's my brother favourite dinosaur, Alfie always let me hold him knowing thay he comforts me" says the teen not realising how much he had spoken in such little time.

Spencer was nodding along with everything he was saying which gave the teen courage to keep talking. "Thank you for telling me about him" says Spencer.

"Actually I have another question, if you don't mind" Says Spencer, Y/N goes quiet and looks down at the dinosaur clutched in his hand, the teen nods his head ans Spencer takes that as a yes.

Spencer watches how the teens body language changes, he goes back to the quiet traumatised teen from before. "I was hoping you could tell me about the person who killed your family?" He asked knowing it was a delicate subject.

Y/N swallows and clutches the dinosaur tightly so tight he almost made himself bleed, the teen Continues to look at the dinosaur before speaking.

"It was supposed to be a calm night, mum and dad where late getting home, so I was babysitting Alfie. We were playing Dinosaurs in the living room, I was busy telling Alfie all about the Dinosaurs before someone knocks at the doors, we didn't answer because it wasny mum or dad" Says thr quiet teen a tremble in his voice.

The fidgets with the Dinosaur in his hands before continuing, Spencer wasn't planning to rush him into it. "Then it went quiet, we went back to playing and then the door was unlocked, mum and dad were home, I remember Alfie running out of the room to greet them, I stayed behind and waited"

Y/N paused to take a deep breath, the next part still scared him as he remembers everything that happened to his family. "Then I heard someone behind me, i thought it was Alfie but I was wrong, when I turned around it saw a intruder, it wasn't mum or dad, but a man he was tall and very angry, he grabbed me abs held a knife to my throat, I remember being dragged outside and into the kit hen were my family were."

Spencer watches as Y/N sniffs and whines his eyes quickly hands shaking. "He theb told them to do as he says or he would kill me, Alfie was scares he started crying, the man then took all of us to the living room, then he killed them all, not me I don't knke why he left me alive, I wish he didn't" Y/N finishes his story with a sob as he falls to the floor.

The teen the begins to rock back and forth trying desperately to comfort himself and stop crying but nothing worked. Spencer quietly slips out of the room and back to his team to tell them what he know about the Unsub.

Hours later the team successfully find the Unsub as he was targeting another family similar to the L/Ns, when they arrive back at the station Spencer is ambushed by Y/N hugging him.

The teen was crying as he thanked the Dr fir finding the perosn responsible for killing his family, Spencer hugged the young boy back just as tight.

Before the team left for Virginia Y/N surprised Spencer by giving him the dinosaur he was holding, when he was asked why he said "because you found the killer responsible, my brother is abke to be put to rest now he has been avenged" he said this made Spencer tear up he took the toy and kept it safe.

The end!

Hope you liked this oneshot, so sorry for the spelling and grammar mistakes as usual, also so sorry for not updating for a while.

Request are open!

Word count: 1280

[westerberg]

I feel like such an ass whenever I try and explain to my sister that I don’t actually think I have autism (she self diagnosed a couple of years ago and was immediately convinced I must have it) but it gets so frustrating when a person who has never bothered to actually try and understand my emotions tries and acts like she understands me “better than I do myself” or whatever… like it really annoys me autistic doesn’t mean “quiet friendless weirdo” like it’s a mental condition and frankly I don’t really relate to the majority of the symptoms… the small extent to which I do I think could be explained by CPTSD/Depression/and maybe ADHD but I’ve never had a thing with overstimulation or meltdowns or have ever had a thought about a foods texture or anything, and I actually kind of hate routine….I don’t seek out small talk but I can be a pretty great conversationalist if I actually click with another person. But I’m not really a person to waste time talking to a person I can tell I don’t click with- which I don’t think is an experience my sister has ever had as far as I can tell. So I think she thinks I’m lying to save face or something and I’m just a horrible socially awkward weirdo incapable of conversation. Like when I said to her I can’t “connect” w/ people my freshman year of college and she thought it was autism- like no, I grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic dad and my mom died 3 years ago and I’m going to college with 18 yrs olds whose parents are lawyers and go on yearly vacations to Florida- THATS why I can’t connect with them. But she’s so insecure I think she really needs to believe that I have the same issues as her bc she sees me as “cool”

Mostly it’s just I know my sister projects like crazy and I really don’t think she has an understanding of how I go about in the world considering she once tried to diagnose me as a sociopath. She clearly does not respect me as an individual human being with my own individual experiences… and I hate how fucking pathological she has to get with me, in a way it feels massively disrespectful. And she pretends to respect me saying I don’t think I have it but then she’ll do things like try to calm me down by saying “change is hard…” and then later I ➡️ can see that she is understanding me being stressed by something anyone in the world would be stressed by as an “autistic meltdown” (maybe in part bc she understands every problem I’ve ever had as insignificant no matter the situation) which I have seen her have many times and I have definitely never had something like that.

Like I don’t wanna be a dick about autism and part of me worries I’m just getting defensive and then I’d really look like an ass but I genuinely don’t think I have significant autistic traits apart from needing some time alone, sometimes having trouble with making friends (I do think this is much more about environment + bouts of depression than my ability to “connect”), and I do get really obsessed w/ random things but I think it’s more like ADHD in that they tend to be kind of fleeting (but I will NEVER change my Richard Lewis icon even tho that obsession has definitely mostly passed LOL)

[macabremoons]

research advice

Hi, so, I'm entering draft two of my novel First Rises the Night where all the stuff I told myself I would just bullshit now and research later is a now thing! However, I have dyslexia and ADHD and really struggle with researching (it's so overwhelming!! how do i know i can write something if i will never know everything about a subject??? unpopular cultures are hard to research D: ) Does anyone have any tips or systems for how they research? Even just hearing about your research process would be very helpful!

[dolphingirl1234]

its time for more headcanons yippeeee

this is kwazii if you couldn't tell

I forgot to make his eye green but we can imagine

also I think his hair would be more red but I couldn't find the right colour

anyway no one cares so here are the headcanons:

early-mid 20's

trans ftm

he/him

he is possibly the gayest person to ever exist

he has heterochromia, the covered eye is brown and the other is green

bright red hair that's always messy

so many freckles

ADHD and dyslexia - he loves to complain about how things are spelled

wears whatever he finds of his floor

he is convinced he can handle spicy things but he really cant

he is definitely lactose intolerant but refuses to admit it and eats dairy anyway

has really bad gender dysphoria and tweak is king when it comes to helping him with it

he definitely purrs like a real cat but you can only hear it if you're really close to him

everyone in the crew knows his deadname but they're all very careful to never call him that

forgets everyone's birthdays every year

he lives by the 5 second rule and eats shit off the floor

^^^tweak once paid him to lick sugar that shellington spilt on the floor (he did it)

he definitely uses all the hot water and everyone hates him for it

he gets attached to things very easily and has a hard time getting rid of anything even if its just a pretty shell or something

^^^he keeps all his random stuff in the treasure chest next to his bed and adds to it constantly

he sometimes sneaks into barnacles' room to play with his model ships

he didn't come out for ages. when he first joined the crew he had no medical files bc of his backstory (I'm not gonna get into that right now, long story short he was an orphan) so peso had to make one and he asked for kwazii's legal name and gender at birth so he was kind of forced to come out, but he came out officially to peso later.

tweak was the first person he told officially and she was so chill about it and helped him make a binder because he was literally using tape before

barnacles seriously tried to be chill about it but kwazii could tell he had questions and he happily answered them

he was terrified to tell inkling because old people old mindset but when he did tell him, inkling was so supportive and kwazii cried

as well as arachnophobia he's also scared of needles but he doesn't tell anyone

barnacles is his dad and his best friend at the same time

peso is his little brother and his best friend at the same time

he has mild ptsd from something in his childhood. it doesn't affect him that much but dashi has more severe ptsd and she helps him through it

he LOVES hanging out with dashi and tweak and they love hanging out with him

he is always included in boys night but is also accepted into girls night because if he annoys tweak enough she gives him a tool and he can break stuff

one Christmas the crew had saved up their money all year and payed for his top surgery. tweak secretly got a job doing online stuff for her family friend and payed over half of the cost. kwazii cried and hugged her which she loved but hated at the same time

he's English but the accent mixed with the pirate voice makes it come out australian

he's not allowed catnip for obvious reasons

he hates when people gender clothes but he will not under any circumstances wear a dress

tominnow is also trans (mtf) and they're besties

he hates that creatures are scared of him because he's a pirate and has even considered giving up being a pirate because of it, but he realised its a part of his identity and he didn't want to change it

he loves making bracelets for the crew and everyone wears them sometimes, but barnacles wears multiple every day

dashi crochets and kwazii steal her yarn balls and she gets super pissed at him

he loves calico jack more than he lets on and he misses him constantly. every time he visits kwazii dreads when he leaves

he definitely plays 2048 cupcakes

tweak is his comfort person but he often goes to barnacles as well

maybe I should write a fanfic of kwazii coming out to everyone that would actually be fun

anyway that's all for now I will hopefully be back with some peso hcs tomorrow

[callsign-rogueone]

ok but!! ive been reading some fw theories in the subreddit, and one that has a lot of diff opinions on is whether liam has a second signet or if he was wielding ice in that scene, especially since deigh’s name means ice. what are your thoughts, do you think it was just a mistake?? and what about liam in your universe?

[insert that clip of Cardi B going: “I’m glad you brung it up because I’ve been dying to talk about this for a minute”]

FOURTH WING AND IRON FLAME SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT. this ramble is not going to be proofread, nor supported with textual evidence, because I have a migraine. but if anyone wants to jump in with page numbers and quotes or things I missed / got wrong, please feel free! 

in short: I think it’s possible that Liam did have a second signet.

first, my only hangup on this theory: what are the odds of two riders in the same squad, in the same year, having the same signet (Ridoc and Liam)? I know some signets are more rare than others, but that’s still a very slim chance when there’s 20+ signets out there that we know of, and RY will probably come up with more (fr, I need to know what Garrick and Aaric's signets are. I hope they're something unique, that we haven't seen yet.) but here are a few arguments in favor of two-signet Liam:

one: I don’t think it was just “RY putting the wrong name”.

Ridoc wasn’t there at Resson, so RY would have to have confused the two boys entirely for it to be a mistake. besides them both being perfect little bbs and adoring fans of Violet, they’re not alike in appearance, dragon color, nor backstory -- what is Ridoc’s deal? like why did he want to become a rider? I need to know for my next gfverse chapter 😭 and the mistake would also have to slip past multiple rounds of editors and proofreaders as well, which is possible, but not probable.  and was Ridoc's signet even confirmed at that time? maybe this is me forgetting things, because ADHD, and it’s been a while since I’ve read FW in full, but the first time I remember hearing about Ridoc’s signet is in Iron Flame — when they’re at RSC and he’s like “I could force the locks open with ice”. that confused me at the time because I didn’t know about (or remember) his signet. and then it really clicked for me later, when he makes an ice pack for poor Brennan after Mira decks him lmao. is it mentioned earlier than that? when I search “ice” in my FW ebook it shows me every instance of “voice” and "nice" and “office” etc., too, and I'm not scrolling through all that 🙄 and neither of the reference sites I like to use have a page number listed for him getting his signet or the first time it’s mentioned. as another aside: look how gorgeous Ridoc is here. smash. EDIT TO ADD: it is mentioned in Fourth Wing, in one line on page 289 (as identified by @hockeyspiral23 - thank you!) but he doesn't actually use it. no wonder my adhd brain forgot about it when there were bigger issues at hand lol they also pointed out that it could still have been a mistake, if RY meant to have it be another one of the barely-mentioned marked riders who aren't part of the main gang, as ice-wielding is "a common signet" (FW p. 289), and there were a few students we never really met apart from Resson (including Masen and Soleil. RIP.) so it could have been one of them. another possible explanation that I just came up with for the mistake category -- unreliable narrator? the events of that day were incredibly distressing for Vi, and she literally gets poisoned and loses consciousness and doesn't wake up for three days (following the theory that FW and IF are her diary, written in an ancient language and translated by Jesinia later) so it could have been a blur / hard to remember and VIOLET could have gotten it wrong. If I were RY, and it was a genuine mistake, this is the explanation I would give lmao

two: Deigh meaning ice is another tally in the “not a mistake” column.

RY likes to have the dragons' names refer to their current rider's signets. (Tairn = thunder, Aimsir = weather...) but not all of them match (Tiene = fire, I think, and Mira makes shields.) Liam and the ice is only mentioned once, at Resson, but there are many characters who we don't see getting their signet -- really just Vi's sex-induced lightning, and a mention of Sawyer nearly killing someone in a swordfight on accident. and Sloane's siphoning, too. okay, maybe this isn't a great point. but I still want to hear how they figured these things out! especially Bodhi. and Xaden's second one. poor thing couldn't tell anyone, even his best friend, and had to figure out how to manage it entirely on his own (he had Sgaeyl, but that's it.) and maybe Liam didn’t realize he had the ice until Resson, and just started slinging icicles at the wyvern once he figured out that he could. though that's kinda unlikely, I guess, since he would have channeled in November or December and Resson wasn't until July... hm.

three: Deigh could have been the dragon of Liam's relative, giving him a second signet like Xaden has with Sgaeyl.

it’s my understanding that Liam, like all the marked ones (except my addition of Darling and her little sibs) were military kids, and his mom is mentioned in IF as being the one to weave the protection runes, which I believe requires a level of magic that only a rider would have. so he has at least one relative who was a rider, and therefore probably more. ngl, at first I thought it was mad suspicious that his parents were executed separately from everyone else’s, but then we didn’t meet them in Aretia, so I guess they really are dead. but how mf heartbreaking would it be if they were alive -- and the first time they see their son in a whole year of him being gone at Basgiath, it’s Xaden carrying his body into the fortress 😭 and Vi and X crying and apologizing to Mama Mairi for not being able to save him… I’M SO SORRY. IT JUST CAME TO ME, AND I HAD TO WRITE IT DOWN. if any FW writer wants to write that AU, go for it. we could all use another good cry. there seems to be a trend of the dragons who had Tyrrish riders purposely (and "illegally") bonding the descendants of their previous riders. - Xaden has a second signet from Sgaeyl as his grandfather was one of her former riders, allegedly, but he "didn't make it out of the quadrant"? so he had a kid (Fen, Xaden's dad?) before graduating? is that why Xaden mentions that his dad hated dragon riders in one of his letters to Vi? - and then I believe Imogen has the dragon of a relative, but not a direct relative, so she doesn't have a second signet, but the one she does have is just really strong? I feel like they glossed over that a little too quickly, and it remains unclear to me how that whole thing works. - and now maybe Liam, too?

I might tack more stuff on below as it comes to me, or RB with commentary, but I think that's all I've got for now.

but regardless of if it was a mistake or not, I’m not planning on putting it in Liam and Spark’s story — just his farsight, which is confirmed multiple times. if Spark believed in the gods, she’d thank them for not giving him something as destructive and deadly as her water, but Li’s still gonna have some issues with it, because I feel the need to project my issues onto my fave characters, and everyone loves some mild hurt/comfort that’s resolved with cuddles and a nap, right? 🥰

[sunny-haven]

My experiences with being hypnotized and why I'm trying out self hypnosis

Ever since getting into hypnosis, I've always wanted to be hypnotized but throughout the years that I've been into it, I can count on one hand the amount of files that have actually put me under. Even doing live sessions with other hypnotists didn't really do that much for me, though they were always beginner hypnotists and/or ones I had taught myself. Because of this, I had believed that for me to go under, I would need an experienced hypnotist that I know and trust well, and even then, it would likely take several sessions to go anywhere due to my ADHD (which made it extremely hard for me to focus during a hypnosis session). And because for the longest time, I didn't really know any hypnotists I knew and trusted well and who I wanted to hypnotize me, that belief was left unchanged for years.

The deepest anyone had put me under was my headmate Rayx, we had to do it via text. The constant switching and doing it over text prevented me from going that deep but it was more effective than anything I had ever experienced, although those two or three sessions were so long ago that my memory is fuzzy other than he got to make me chant a mantra, haha. Nowadays though, I'm not interested in Rayx putting me under and I don't think he's interested either.

In 2019, when I was still living with my family and we all stayed in one room, I finally attempted self hypnosis, and the easiest method I found was creating a hypnosis file specifically for myself. I had to be very quiet and had to wait to have the room for myself. It was mostly focused on general relaxation, more aimless than usual when I'm hypnotizing someone. Then, when I was able to have a moment to relax by myself, I laid in bed and listened to the file. None of the suggestions stuck, but it was the most relaxed I had ever been in my entire life.

I then recorded another file, one focused on helping me overcome my anxiety from phone calls (one that I still have to this day, and is currently making me procrastinate from making an important call). For whatever reason though, I avoided listening to this one, despite Rayx's insistence, and stopped making self hypnosis files for myself. I still wanted to be hypnotized and would sometimes complain about how I wished I was easier to hypnotize and that I wished that I knew someone who was experienced with hypnosis, and Rayx would always tell me that I could still go back to doing self hypnosis files since the first one worked so well, especially because I lived on my own and making them would be way easier. And for whatever reason, I wouldn't, and wouldn't have an answer for him.

Fast forward to about five years later, and being in @/nocturnowlette's community has surrounded me with several experienced hypnotists (as well as Owlette herself). It took me a long while to get around to trying out one of Owlette's files, mostly because they were either about things I wasn't interested in or I just felt like wouldn't work as someone who was inexperienced with being hypnotized. And I hadn't had the courage to ask someone to try to put me under, especially because those who I was interested in I had already hypnotized several times and I felt like some part of my brain would have a hard time submitting to them as a result (which has happened before). But then Owlette one day released a file that was supposed to be for those who struggled going under and was supposed to make it easier for them, which peaked my interest. Eventually, I decided to make myself comfortable and give the file a listen. I'll go over what happened in a moment.

Since joining Owlette's community, a deep-rooted fear of mine had been cracked wide open, one I had never even realized was there and something I still struggle to put into words. I had discovered that I had a fear of loss of control. And what "loss" and "control" mean are very nebulous in my head, but essentially when it comes to hypnosis, I want to feel like the one in control. Oftentimes that means being the hypnotist and the dom, but in other scenarios (like with one couple I'm friends with), it could mean that two people have a hypnosis relationship, but they still happily submit to me and I can mess with them easily. Maybe someone is hypnotizing a group of others, but I'm still hypnotizing the tist as well as everyone else if I want to. And this want applies to both in and out of sessions. So if I would see two people who I had hypnotized before enjoying a hypnosis session without anything to do with me, I would feel like I'm "losing control". If I was listening to someone do a public session and I have no part in it and am just a spectator, I feel like I'm "losing control". And a myriad of other things I've found can trigger this, ranging from making me mildly uncomfortable to severely, even making me break down into tears at times, even though consciously I'm trying to be happy for my friends.

I really fucking hate it. I'm currently attempting to work on this, but this was and is a thing I'm dealing with. One philosophy I used to have was simple exposure therapy, telling others to just carry on and do what they're gonna do so I can expose myself more to situations where I "lose control" so my brain can understand it's okay. Whether or not it's helping, I'm not entirely sure. But since discovering this and looking for ways to help, I had gotten the idea that hypnotizing myself and showing my subconscious mind that it was okay would probably help a lot, especially in a community who had been very focused on safety and pretalk. I decided that Owlette would probably be good, since they're a very skilled hypnotist and we already had a good hypnosis relationship in the past, and she had already mentioned several times before she was interested in putting me under. Before actually talking with her about it though, I figured I'd listen to one of her files to see what it'd be like, which was perfect when she dropped her more beginner-friendly file.

So with all that in mind, I listened to the file and it was... well... I won't go into detail, as it is not an experience I want to think about for long, but it ended up being the worst experience I've ever had with a file. And I don't mean it simply didn't work, I mean that it was genuinely painful. This isn't at all a slant to Owlette, the actual contents of the file were good and it wasn't that different from any other competent beginner-friendly hypnosis file. This instead was like a massive slap in the face that something was deeply wrong with me and that I needed to work on myself. I dunno why I even listened for long, it felt like I was actively pushing away suggestions at one point. Something in my mind just told me I needed to "see it through" or some bullshit, I don't know why. I have to wonder if my reaction ended up being comparable to a PTSD reaction or something (I am NOT saying I have PTSD btw, I'm just wondering).

Normally when I listen to a hypnosis file in the past (and I actually attempted to listen and be hypnotized), it was always by someone I never knew. That combined with the fact that I know hypnosis files for a general audience - as opposed to one made for a specific person - tend to not work unless the subject listening was particularly suggestible. So from the outset, my mind was already geared towards the file not working on me, no matter how much I tried to keep an open mind. At the same time, my ADHD would go into overdrive. Normally I don't have an easy time focusing on things (and god, I would love to try being medicated but that's unrelated) but it's never that bad, and if I'm particularly invested in something, I can more easily focus or even hyperfocus. But almost as a mental defense to prevent me from being hypnotized, my brain's hyperactivity would flare up a ton and would constantly jump from topic to topic, way more often than it normally does, and it made it virtually impossible to focus on the file for long.

For those who I did trust and let them attempt to hypnotize me, my mind took a different stance. They were inexperienced and sometimes there was even a bit of a language barrier, so my hyperactive mind would focus on tiny details they likely didn't notice and would start constantly mentally critique their methods, what words they said, or even if something was grammatically correct or not.

For this file though, I trust Owlette a lot, and more importantly, they are quite skilled and experienced, and though they've been a hypnotist for less time than me, they are definitely one of the better ones I've seen and are a very experienced subject. That, combined with my newfound knowledge of this fear that had been running in the background for years and years... I suppose it made me feel exposed in a way I never felt before when I listened to the file. The mental defenses were still there, on even more of an overdrive than ever before, but being aware of it all and knowing that Owlette was someone who's experienced and someone who I trust seemingly clashed with whatever the hell is going on deep in my mind.

All this to say, I've given up on attempting to be hypnotized by someone else, at least not until whatever is wrong with me has been solved. Exposure therapy definitely did not help in that instance. But, my mind went back to those self hypnosis files I made before and just how effective they were for me when nothing else really seemed to be. I couldn't really be afraid of losing control if I was the one putting myself under. So earlier this month, I made a self hypnosis file, based on relaxation like before but also trying to slowly get rid of that fear of loss of control. It was a bit aimless like the other self hypnosis files, but that was okay, and editing in sounds of rain while indoors next to a fireplace also helped a bunch. I certainly don't think it can be hypnotized out of me, but I'm hoping that if I keep at it, that fear will fade over time.

And as for that file itself... It again was one of the most comfortable experiences of my life. I honestly don't remember a comfier one, to be honest. And it's hard for me to judge because I'm not at all used to judging to how I respond to hypnosis, but I think I ended up going pretty deep. I nodded along to what I was saying without really thinking. I would imagine myself as my fursona a lot of the time (which is what happened during Owlette's file, though in that instance, it was not at all fun), and it felt like I was drifting off to sleep. In fact, towards the later half of the file, I don't remember any of it - it felt like I had just drifted off to sleep. I didn't even wake up during the awakener, though as soon as the file ended, I started to wake up, then was jolted awake at the realization I didn't even wake up when my voice was counting me up from trance. Like wow. Is that what it's like being hypnotized for you all??? Gosh.

Earlier today, as an attempt to calm myself before making an important call, I decided to listen to the file again. And I pretty much had the exact same experience. The only difference was that my consciousness started becoming aware as the file was waking me up, though I chose to stay in trance until the file ended, then I woke up quickly and easily the moment it ended. And then for whatever reason, I decided to listen to the file a third time while I was still in bed, and though it wasn't as effective, I still had that moment of going deep enough it felt like sleep (and thus I don't know what happened). I woke up from trance as I was saying the number 5, as I thought I was done counting then, lmao.

Needless to say, I'm definitely making more hypnosis files, though I'm unsure of what I should do next. I feel like I should make a file to help with my nervousness for phone calls, though I'm afraid I will not listen to it like I did in 2019. But I'm unsure what else I would do right now, especially since a file like that would definitely be helpful as there's an important call I need to do soon. So I might just make that particular file.

My end goal is to make me see myself as my fursona, as I have done with some people, as that has been my dream with hypnosis for years and years. I have hope now, I realize I'm a more suggestible subject than I thought. I also hope I'll be able to overcome this fear someday, because it's really getting in the way of me being able to be happy for my friends.

[alessiasfreckles]

Fitting In

alessia russo x reader with social anxiety

You've been with the team for a few months, but your anxiety is making it hard to find your place. When you spend lunch hiding out in your car one day, Lessi comes to find you.

A/N: this is my first woso fic, i hope you like it! i'm planning on writing a part two with real fluff, maybe taking place a month or two later. also this is basically just a self insert fic but i figured maybe someone else could relate to it, so this is for all my other girlies with social anxiety and adhd out there

---------------

When you joined the team a few months ago, you weren’t sure how you would fit in. And now, 3 months later, you still weren’t sure.

You had a tendency to over analyse social interactions, situations, anything really, and you knew it didn’t help your social anxiety but there was no way to shut off the constant noise in your brain. At least, not until you met her. Alessia Russo. One of Arsenal’s, and England’s, star strikers. The way she moved on the pitch was like magic, and you swore you could see glitter in the air when she laughed. The crush you had on her grew by the minute. You wanted to at least be friends with her so badly, but you just didn’t know how. 

You still didn’t really have any close friends on the team. Yeah, everyone was friendly, but there were clearly established friend groups, and you didn’t know how to find your place in any of them. When you first joined you would be invited out with everyone, or invited to people’s places for movie nights, that sort of thing. But a lot of the time you felt out of place, so worried about what to say and how you were coming across that the whole situation ended up making you more anxious than if you hadn’t gone in the first place. When you did come out of your shell and say something, you’d spend the rest of the evening thinking about what you said, if it made sense, how you said it, what you should have said instead. 

It was exhausting.

Your sleep schedule was awful, most nights you couldn’t get to sleep until 3am. You’d be lying in bed, desperately trying to sleep but your brain not letting you. You’d wake up feeling groggy, but you didn’t want to let anyone see how badly it was affecting you, so you put on a brave face in front of your teammates. Most days, as soon as training was over, you’d go straight home. You were too tired to do anything other than be alone. 

One day, at lunch, you couldn’t face the thought of trying to figure out where to sit, the overstimulation from everyone talking, the noises and smells, so you decided to sit in your car, alone. You figured that no one would miss you anyway, everyone seemed to have figured out that you were a bit of a loner by now, and they mostly left you alone. 

“Something’s up with y/n, right? It’s not just me?” Leah asked Beth at lunch the next day, scanning the lunch room as she tried to find your face.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what,” Beth shrugged, frowning. “I want to help her, but-”

“Have you guys seen y/n?” Alessia interrupted, coming up from behind them. “She’s not here.”

Leah and Beth both shook their heads. “Maybe she’s in the gym, or on the training field?”. It wasn’t unusual for players to spend their breaks hanging out in other areas, and Alessia nodded.

“I think I’ll go see if I can find her,” she said, and Leah nodded. 

“That’s a good idea, Less. Maybe you can figure out what’s wrong.”

Alessia peeked into the gym, but it was empty. She thought maybe you were walking laps, so she checked the training field, but you weren’t there either. Now she was starting to worry. The two of you hadn’t talked much, but she always listened to what you had to say, and got the feeling that there was a lot more to you than you let on. Deciding to check the car park to see if your car was still there, her face brightened as she found it. When she realised you were sitting inside it, her brow furrowed in confusion. 

You look up from your lunch to see Alessia stood a few metres away from the car, looking at you with a small frown on her face. Is she upset with you? Your eyes meet, and you freeze for a second before raising a hand to wave awkwardly. Her frown clears, and she comes over to the passenger door. 

Knocking on the window and opening the door, she leant down. “Can I come in?” she asked, smiling sheepishly. 

“Uh, yeah, sure!” you reply, sitting up a little straighter, mind racing. Why is she here? What does she want from you? 

“So, um, what are you doing out here?” she asks gently, glancing down at the lunch on your lap.

“Oh, um, sometimes it’s just a lot, you know? Everyone talking and all of the noise. And I never really know where to sit,” you trail off, laughing awkwardly, inwardly cringing at yourself for saying that. 

“I get that. Sometimes some of the girls can be so loud! Like, Katie, didn’t you ever learn what an inside voice is?” she laughs gently, and you smile. “And you know you can sit wherever you want, right? None of us are going to bite you.”

“Haha, yeah, I know, I just…” you shrug, face burning.

Alessia turns to look at you, worry lining her face. “Y/n, is something going on? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome here, or anything?”

“No, everyone’s been so nice, I promise, no one’s done anything,” you start rambling, anxiety rising in your chest as hot tears start to well up in your eyes. You bury your face in your hands. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.”

Suddenly you felt a warm hand on your shoulder, pulling you in to a tight hug. You stiffened to the touch but Alessia’s arms held you gently, and slowly you relaxed into it. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she murmurs, and you feel your breath returning to normal.

After a minute she lets you go and you let out a shaky laugh. “I’m sorry,” you sighed, wiping your eyes.

“Y/n, you don’t need to apologise, it’s okay, I promise,” she says, big blue eyes full of sincerity. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

You shrug, not knowing what to say. “There isn’t really anything going on, that’s the problem. I just, my brain is just, I feel like everyone else got like, a manual telling them how to exist and how to talk to people and how to have friends, and I didn’t get the manual. You didn’t get a manual, right?” you ask, looking at her with a wry smile.

She smiles apologetically. “Nope, no manual.”

“Well, it was worth asking,” you laugh. “Things just seem to be really hard for me when everyone else finds them easy, you know? And I’m just so tired all the time, but I don’t know why, I barely do anything, I’m so lazy.”

She frowns at that. “You’re not lazy, y/n. Do you get enough sleep?”

You laugh at that. “Oh no, definitely not. Most nights I don’t get to sleep until like, 3am, sometimes 4am.”

“What, why?” she asks in shock. 

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just can’t sleep a lot of the time. I try to, I lie in bed with my eyes closed, but there’s just too much going on in my head, it feels like my brain is actively working against me.”

“It’s no wonder you’re so tired then!” she admonishes you gently, and the look she gives you makes you fall for her a little more. 

“I’ve always had trouble sleeping,” you explain. “Ever since I was little. And I’ve always found social situations hard, too.”

“I’ve always hated meeting new people,” the blonde admits, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s gotten a little bit easier, I think, especially after the Euros, I had to do so many interviews and media things, it helped kind of desensitise me to it, but I still don’t like it.”

“Huh,” you say quietly. You never would have guessed that she felt that way. “You always seem so confident.”

“All just a part of my effortlessly cool persona,” she grins, winking at you. You laugh, and she gives you a look of fake hurt. “What, you don’t think I’m effortlessly cool?”

Smiling, you tilt your head. “As long as you believe you’re effortlessly cool, that’s all that counts.” you tease. 

Suddenly, Alessia’s phone buzzes. “Oh, we should probably head back in. The others will be glad to see you, they were worried when you weren’t there at lunch.”

“Really?” you ask, surprise clear in your voice, but it quickly turns to worry. “Oh no, am I not meant to leave during lunch? I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“Woah, hey, relax!” she puts a hand on your arm. “Y/n, you’re allowed to do what you want during lunch. The others were just worried about you because you’re a part of the team. Our team. That makes you a part of our family.” 

You smile sheepishly. 

“Now come on, let’s get going. I don’t fancy giving Jonas an excuse to make us run extra laps, do you?”

[salternateunreality2]

AGSZC ND AU: Overstimulation (not the fun kind)

Disclaimer: not an expert

AU setup: all the boys are neuro-spicy except Angeal, who has depression/anxiety. I HC that GZ are more ADHD-leaning and SC are more Autism (ASD)-leaning

From: the archives of my convos with @strayheartless

---------------------------

The Big Light (can go back to hell from whence it came)

It is EVIL sometimes, and Angeal learns that the hard way from all his boyfriends hating it at random times. He also learns the hard way that dimmer switches are OF THE DEVIL. They make such obnoxious electronic buzzing noises that even Chill-geal gets annoyed and changes it back an hour after installing one.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....(wait a second)...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"HOW IS IT A NEW PITCH?!?!?! I CHANGED NOTHING?!?!?!"

---------------------------

People Entering One's Domain

If Cloud's in the barracks and the other troopers/thirds come back from going to drinks, he instantly hates everyone and everything because they are SO MUCH. So he cringes away and tries to preserve his sanity, which his squad mates misinterpret as rejection and being stuck up.

Boy no, it's because you smell of 50 different things, sound like a herd of elephants at a football match, messed up the air currents and temperature, and TURNED ON THE BIG LIGHT.

-------------------------------

Coming Home

At the end of the day, sometimes The Guys (tm) barely make it to Angeal's apartment before angrily grunting and violently shedding itchy/uncomfortable uniform pieces until they're left panting and half-naked in the entryway.

Angeal only made the mistake a few times of trying to start something sexy, narrowly avoiding getting his fingers bitten off.

--------------------------

Mako dials the already heightened senses up to 11.

Cloud trashes a science room before Zack and Angeal are able to subdue him and carry him out, his fingernails slicing into his head as his hands are clamped over his ears, face buried in Angeal's chest to block out the smells and light. He only gets a brief reprieve from sensory hell before they get home and he starts vomiting and getting sick from the mako, since it would bother him with or without ND.

While Cloud's Going Through It (tm), Angeal's getting Stressed (tm) and somehow Zack's ADHD superpower of being great in emergencies kicks in and he keeps the polycule sane, escorting Sephiroth out when the sounds of Cloud being sick get to be too much, helping Genesis channel his angry energy constructively, and being a shoulder for Angeal and Cloud to lean on.

Zack is actually the one that makes Lazard pay for noise-canceling headphones and sunglasses out of the SOLDIER budget. His advocacy is so effective that Lazard ends up making it standard that these things are available on request to anyone in SOLDIER.

Later, Cloud tries to apologize to Sephiroth and Lazard, and Lazard's about to say "This happens sometimes, the labs should have done a sensitivity test before giving you a full dose" when Sephiroth jumps in with, "No that was awesome, do it again next time, even if it's not as bad."

---------------------------------

Vacuum Cleaners (May they burn in the fiery pits of hell, just one circle above Hojo)

Vacuums smell bad, sound bad, look bad, probably taste bad, are unwieldy, and go BONK.

Angeal: *starts pulling out the vacuum*

Zack: WAIT WAIT WAIT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!

Angeal: whyever not?

Zack: *grasping Angeal's shoulders* trust me. And put. Down. The machine. Before any of the-

Cloud: HISSSSS

Sephiroth: YOWL!

Genesis: *charging up a firaga as Cloud and Sephiroth scamper into the distance*

*12 hours later*

Lazard: Where are Sephiroth and Genesis?!?!? And that trooper always hanging around?!

Zack: SOMEone touched a vacuum.

Lazard: FFS, Hewley

Angeal: How was i supposed to know?!

Later, in Aerith's church, Aerith comes across Genesis prowling outside, glaring and only barely not hissing, while Sephiroth and Cloud are cuddling in a dark, quiet corner, clutching each other and nuzzling.

Aerith: Oh, honeys...was it the accursed machine? Did Zack do this to you?

Sephiroth, signing: -Angeal-

Aerith: aww, nooooo, and you had trusted him so much!

Cloud: *shivers*

I think Zack wouldn't mind vacuuming if he was in control, and Angeal likes having a clean house, but to the rest of them it's a literal devil. That's why they call it a dirt devil. E V I L.

If Zack's not in control, he feels like following it around and yelling back at it.

[queer-devil]

Drdt Incorrect Quotes

Warning: A lot of these are probably ooc but I was just having fun so yeah

All of these were made using quotes from https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator, my favorite quote generator

Whit, barging in: Syphilis! 
Charles: 
Whit: 
Charles: Pardon?

David: Thank you all for coming. 
Xander, wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here. 
David: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck David Task Force". 
Teruko: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.

Levi: Ace is mad at me, and I'm not sure why. 
Hu: Okay, did you talk before he got upset? 
Levi: ...yes? 
Hu: That's probably it.

Veronika: We all have our demons. 
Veronika, grabbing Arturo: This one’s mine.

Ace: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! 
Charles: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. 
Ace: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? 
Charles: Somehow that's worse.

Whit: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? 
Charles: Yes? 
Whit: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. 
Charles: Fuck. 
Whit: It's gonna be a fun week! 
Charles: I'm going to Teruko’s house. 
Whit: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.

Rose: Big day today, Nico. *holds up two shirts* Mustard stain or ketchup stain? 
Nico: Mustard– looks less like blood.

J: I'm going to get myself some soup. 
Veronika: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot. 
J: Pfft, I won't burn myself. 
*30 seconds later* 
J, entering the room: I burned myself.

Charles: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. 
Teruko: *Gives him a strange look and hands them a piece of gum* 
Charles: *Thinking* Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Min: "29-34 Give a particular ecosystem and explain how could it be protected." 
Xander: Forests, stop cutting down trees and don't hold gender reveal parties anywhere near them.

Veronika: You know, I used to play back in my gory days. 
J: You mean glory days? 
Veronika: Ah, that too.

Veronika: Go ahead, Charles. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry. 
Min: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

Eden: What's worse than a heartbreak? 
Nico: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Min: You can’t have a gun on stage! 
Veronika: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

Eden: I'm so happy, I could kiss you! 
Teruko: Um...Neat. 
*later* 
Teruko, lying face down on her bed: I said "Neat," Xander. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid. 
Xander, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Teruko. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when David confessed his love for me? 
Teruko: Didn't you thank him? 
Xander: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked him.

Whit: Adulting is hard. 
Whit: How do I quit? 
Eden: Time travel!
Veronika: Die.

Charles: I feel like doing something stupid. 
Whit: I’m stupid, do me.

Veronika: Teruko, what do you have? 
Teruko: A KNIFE! 
Veronika: Okay, have fu- 
J: NO!

Veronika: Between Teruko, Arei, David, and me -- if you had to -- who would you punch? 
Eden: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them. 
Veronika: David? 
Eden: Yeah, but I don't know why.

Charles: As a functional adult- 
Whit: *chuckles* 
Charles: … As a functional adult—

Eden: Where’s Veronika? 
Whit: Around. 
Eden: Around? 
Eden: You don’t have any idea, do you? 
Veronika, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

J, texting: Arei, will you please go to sleep? 
Arei, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? 
J, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! 
J, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon? 
Arei, texting: I’m trying 
J, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH 
J, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

Nico: I feel awful about killing you. 
Ace: 
Nico: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re bitching about.

Eden: Why can’t we all just get along? 
David: Because most of us are assholes, Eden.