#and anyone telling them otherwise is WRONG
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Finders Keepers
Summary: in which alien!reader crash lands right in front of Gojo and your story with him begins Word Count: 1k (just trialing a new concept so it's a quick opening) Warnings: a little cursing, allusions to experimentation and alien warfare, reader is naked but not in a sexual manner
“I can’t believe aliens actually exist,” Satoru mutters to himself.
This has been an incredibly wild evening.
When he stepped out of his apartment to throw the bins out, he hadn’t expected to see a blinding flash of light zoom past him and explode in the parking lot. Thank goodness for his infinity, otherwise he would not have fared as well as the minivan you landed on.
Yes.
You.
The woman who came straight from the sky and fell on top of a car, missing him by just two metres.
At first, he thought it was a curse; these things get pretty weird sometimes, after all. But using his Six Eyes, he could tell you were different. Sure, you looked like any other person, with arms and legs and a head. But you had a unique aura to you, positively otherworldly.
If he was any other kind of man, he would have just left you there and pretended nothing happened — ignorance is bliss and whatnot — but what kind of Honoured One would he be if he didn’t do his duty and helped you out?
So, he slides down the massive crater you made (boy is that going to be a pain for maintenance to clean up) and carefully cradles your naked body in his arms, carefully so as to not touch bits and pieces no gentleman has a business looking at. Why are you naked anyways?
Sensing people making their way down the stairs to inspect the commotion, he teleports back into his apartment quick as a flash before anyone could think to look through their windows.
He throws a blanket at you and leaves you on the sofa as he paces the length of his living room and ponders what to do. On one hand, he could call the police and leave it up to them to deal with you. The government would know best about how to deal about falling space women, right? But then, don’t all the sci-fi movies talk about inhumane experimentation, weaponizing alien technology, and Area 51?
That wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do, at all.
And on the other hand, he could just take care of you himself. He has the means to, that’s for sure. You really don’t look any different from everyone else — surely, you need the same things he does: food, water, shelter and warmth.
Right?
Just as he’s about to pick up the phone to call his doctor friend, you begin rousing from sleep. Your eyes flutter open and they’re a normal colour, which freaks him out more if he’s going to be perfectly honest.
“Uh,” Satoru scratches the back of his neck, shuffling on his feet a little, “hey? I’m Gojo Satoru. You can just call me Satoru, though. If you want, or can, I guess.”
You tilt your head, scanning his body, and you open your mouth. What comes out is definitely an alien language. Or maybe he needs to travel more. But he certainly does not comprehend a single thing that you say.
Clearing his throat, he tries to smile comfortingly. “Okay, so I didn’t understand what you said. Sorry. But uh, do you need anything? Like, do you know where you are? Yeah, you definitely don’t know what I’m saying either, do you?”
You tilt your head again.
“What is wrong with me? Seriously. What was I thinking bringing you home? You may have fallen from the sky but I’m the one that clearly hit my head. I really am an idiot.”
Glancing around the room, you don’t look any bit as frazzled and panicked as he is. Actually, you’re as cool as a cucumber, and there isn’t a hint of shame or embarrassment on your face when you push yourself off the sofa, blanket sliding down your body.
“Woah! Woah!”
Satoru presses his hands to his eyes and leaves it there for a second or two before realising that does absolutely nothing and when he pulls them down, he doesn’t flinch when you’re standing before him, inquisitive eyes meeting his.
His infinity is on and he’s ready to subdue you if you prove to be a threat, but so far, he’s simply letting you reorient yourself, getting used to your surroundings and giving you the opportunity to decide he’s not a bad guy.
That being said, however, he’s still deciding whether to keep you or not. He doesn’t want you to be poked and prodded — that wouldn’t be a very cool welcome to planet Earth and he doesn’t need you to go around telling your alien friend humans suck, though they do. But he also doesn’t know if that’s the best decision.
You could be a danger to jujitsu society, to his students, to the world. What if, right at this very moment, you’re leaking deadly radiation? And what if his infinity can’t keep it out? Can’t keep you out?
Gosh, there are so many things that could go wrong.
It’s entirely possible too that you’re a blood sucking monster intent on wringing him dry for all he’s worth. Maybe you’re not even an alien. Maybe you’re a special kind of curse, the kind that can bypass his Six Eyes, though he’s fairly confident that’s not the case (there’s no one stronger than him, after all).
What if this is Kenjaku all over again?
Yeah, on second thought, he should definitely call the police. Or Ijichi, or the Prime Minister of Japan, or whoever will believe him when he says there’s a naked, alien lady in his home, and no, he’s not a pervert playing out some sick fantasy.
But just as he’s lifting his phone, you lift your hand the same time he does and cover your eyes.
Then you say his name in perfect Japanese with a sweet, soft voice, not a hint of hesitation or unsteadiness. You smile, eyes still obscured, and he feels himself mirroring your gleeful expression.
“That’s right. I’m Satoru. It’s nice to meet you.”
He decides, there and then, to hell with radiation, alien armies, and the deadly risk you pose to everything he knows or cares about. The military, conspiracy theorists, and scientists be damned.
He’s going to keep you.
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What would you do if you knew you couldn't fall??
Did you mean "fail?" Unless you meant literally falling, I will answer as if you wrote "fail." You can correct me if that is the wrong interpretation, and I could answer the question again.
Assign first-class experts to solve the world's problems... so I wouldn't have to do it all—assuming the technicality is that I start the projects, then they probably would not fail. Would that loophole work? (Realistically, if it didn't work, I don't think I'd actually be altruistic enough to do all that...) Would I have to see the projects through to completion? That's quite a lot of work. But doing this would likely mean I will probably have a clean conscience for the rest of my life, ideally, because, I know I should if I had the power to do so.
In relation to #1, even if this is non-necessary, also assign people to figure out if there's life on other planets. I just want to know. Don't need to contact whatever is out there—I don't want anything to go wrong. I'd just want to possibly spy on them for a little while. The problem is: spying is unethical, so I'd have to convince myself that I'm either doing it for cautionary reasons or as a longitudinal, naturalistic "study." This could be a pandora's jar, so I might take it off the list.
Cure stupidity and herd mentality. (Curing all physical ailments is built into no. 1 already.) Or better yet, get someone else to do it. (At the same time, we could argue that these qualities are part of being human or flawed, and that we shouldn't tamper with our human-ness. In which case, just no. Also, we would lose part of our former connection to literature, pre-cure. For instance, we would no longer comprehend the meaning of the trope: "love causes poor judgment." So, would it be worth it? Even if the world were terraformed and otherwise reshaped in more metaphorical ways to be "perfect," I think we would still manage to invent new problems because it's what we've always done as a species. Thus, there needs to be a reasonable stopping point. And, I'm not sure what that point is, meaning several other items on this list might have to be struck out.)
Have the world's politicians be... better somehow? Ensure they are sane and moral, that they trust science, are scientifically-literate... I feel, perhaps, like we might get better results if we chose science-fiction writers, particularly those who've managed to predict our present and know how to do social commentary. They seem to be aware of and actually care about the state of humanity. (I'm not really well-informed enough to make any decisions, but I know well enough that the world needs people of varied knowledge and skillsets to continue on. So, I'm not completely, intentionally trying to valorize only what I'm interested in. I'm just biased like any other human being is.)
Delegate everything I don't like doing to competent people (like cooking), and reap the benefits of the exact outcomes I'd want every time. If they were successful, I'd never have a problem with dust and no one would ever move my stacks of books and paper, which often collect dust.
Turn myself immortal and gain eternal youth. (This should probably be item no. 1 on the list, actually, to account for how long the first few tasks could potentially take.) Then use those means on others who would want it done. If it's someone I don't like, I could still let them become immortal, and would just tell them after this favor not to cross paths with me again. I would also try to convince anyone I want to keep around to stay.
No. 6 would attract too much publicity. I'd need a way to continue being relatively anonymous, except for what I would selectively want to be recognized for. (If I couldn't fail at it, I'd love to become the next "Shakespeare" or some kind of literary giant... and maybe then have the world forget about me... and be rediscovered and reinterpreted by future generations who use my original and/or revolutionary works as required reading in their syllabi. That'd be striking and cool. I'm not sure how I would stop suffering from belatedness though.)
Find a way to never sleep, never eat, never exercise, and not experience cognitive decline. I would only do the ones I like doing.
Find a way to resurrect people from the dead. (I already know this has too much margin for catastrophe, so there would have to be restrictions on what can and cannot be done. At the same time, I am also aware this would violate nature, so it might have to be removed from the list. Who am I to decree the rules?)
I haven't addressed religion yet. I'd have to find some way to alleviate my guilt, but that's more of a temporary fix and not a real solution. I'd have to find some way to remain a mostly good or at least harmless person, assuming I'm mostly one now. If there's no reason for anyone, any force, or anything to object to my existence, I would hope I would be allowed to continue on with my plans.
If there were some way to affirm what I think my personal beliefs are, that would be great. At the same time, that defeats the point of faith, and so, I'm not sure what to do about this dilemma.
Learn everything I want to learn now that I have infinite time to learn it (and infinite time to procrastinate).
Consume all the media I want to consume and also never miss new installments or works of art because I wouldn't be outlived by creators.
Become some kind of successful writer. I mentioned this before, but to specify: maybe a novelist or maybe an academic critic—why not both?! Sky's the limit!
Eventually, if I could never fail, I might wonder about whether anything could ever be a challenge or worth doing anymore. (Doubt that will happen since I have a fear of failure anyway—and being cured of it would be a wonderful reality to live in!)
And so, I could want to die eventually. (Again, highly doubt that will happen.)
In case: It's not my top priority, but: study philosophy, so I don't become corrupt, apathetic, or suicidal since I know things can happen to the human psyche after too long.
If no. 1 didn't happen, and humans were faced with climate change as well as other problems, then I would want to die before the planet were barren and ruined, so I wouldn't have to live under dystopian conditions.
Some of the above might not happen because I may procrastinate too much. That would suggest that the revised item no. 1 should be: conquer procrastination once and for all, and only then proceed in a rough order.
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to all the slugcats and iterators : what do you think about each other and whats your relationship with each one?
OOC - We felt like it was a little too early to give super detailed elaborations about all the relationships between the characters. We thought it would be better if we explored them a little more slowly and thoroughly, so most of our answers here are short and fun and vague - though there are certain exceptions here, of course (after all, some of these answers were recorded a lot earlier than others). Survivor's Answer:
Monk's Answer (written and recorded by ARK, the previous VA):
Watcher's Answer:
Gourmand's Answer:
Rivulet's Answer:
Spearmaster's Answer:
Saint's Answer:
Enot's Answer:
Five Pebbles' Answer:
Seven Red Suns:
Transcripts below:
Survivor: "Well I mean they're very wonderful people! I uhh... I think Gourmand's cooking is pretty great. Enot's... funny. That's the nicest way to put it. Monk's my cool lil sibling. Uhh... Not much else to say."
Monk: "I have created a poem specifically for this" "Hello~. If I were to... Make a reason and a fault for every - single - one of these slugcats around me, I would come up with..." "How about the Survivor first: 'You remind me of myself—a wanderer trying to survive, but you carry so much weight in your heart. I hope you find the family you are looking for.' " "How about you, Hunter?: 'You seem so strong, but also burdened. I can see the urgency in your every move... Are you running out of time?' " "And for you, Gourmand?: 'Ah, you enjoy life in ways many of us cannot. I admire how you savor the little things. Perhaps you see can beauty in this world that others can miss.' " "Artificer: 'You have faced so much pain... You lash out at a world that has wronged you. I wish I could show you a gentler way, but I fear it may already be too late.' " "Rivulet: 'You are so swift—like water flowing freely. I hope you always move forward, without being swept away by the currents of time.' " "You, Spearmaster: 'Your way of survival is so different… It seems lonely, feeding off others' energy. Do you ever wish things were - huh - different?'" "Saint: 'You move with such grace, as if you are already halfway beyond this world. Are you seeking peace, or are you simply done with everything here?' " "For you Enot: 'There is something odd about you, like you don’t quite belong. I hope you find your place and a way to connect with others.' " "And for you, Watcher, the Nightcat: 'You seem distant and lost, like you’ve seen too much and grown weary of it all. I hope you find warmth in the cold places you wander.' " "Thank you for your time."
Watcher: "... I guess, they are very great. Except Enot." "Hmm? Oh... I was supposed to tell more... I... I don't feel great, maybe next time..."
Gourmand: "To be honest, I had reservations about many of the others here - they're a little strange, and you can't just let anyone near your tribe. But I'm certainly warming up to them. They do seem like good fellows. And the iterators... well, they can be helpful and interesting, but it also seems like they have lots of problems themselves. Problems I'd prefer not to stick my nose into. Though their Neurons do taste very funny!"
Rivulet: “I like all of them for the most part! Maybe not Enot, they’re kinda weird and just keep, hitting on me? That’s like, very weird, and not the good kind. Otherwise, I like being around most of them, especially Moon!”
Spearmaster: “Too much to say in this one, just know that all of them have their own special place and that’s what matters. …and I guess Enot, is there too. sigh”
Saint: "They are...acquaintances. I enjoy the company of some more than others, but ultimately not by much."
Enot: "Oh I absolutely adore each and every one of those slugcats, I could ramble on for ages but to keep myself concise, I'll simply say every attribute of them is worth my love, and some day those feelings will turn mutual." "The iterators though, I've only ever met Pebbles, and I guess the blue one but they were in a comatose or something last I remember, but Pebbles is cool, he makes this pretty nice drink called 'Five Pebsi'. It comes in 3 flavors, Daddy Long Legs, Halcyon Memories and my personal favorite, Triple Affirmative" *sluuuuuurp "ahhh, tastes just like-" *THUD
Five Pebbles: "These slugcats are a form of nuisance. Barging into my facility, poking and prodding around, slipping through my superstructure… I can just barely tolerate them. If I wasn’t a merciful iterator, I would eviscerate them on the spot. Yet I do hold a fondness for The Artificer primarily. It is welcoming to have some form of company in my existence. And The Rivulet has helped me assist Moon. So I suppose I owe a debt to both of them, in some way. …As for the iterators… I’m sure you know my opinion of Sliver of Straw. Our ultimatum. She’s the successor, possibly the only one out of us to live up to our creators. The icon of what we devote our existence to… and yet one of the direct causes of my illness, save for.. Seven Red Suns. …I am disappointed in Suns. Small disagreements between us stacked to create a larger gap. I was upset at him for cycles upon cycles, and I’m- I’m not ready to forgive just yet. In the end I hope I can, perhaps in the future if any of us survive. And Moon…. she’s my superior, as you know. I care about her, and I regret my actions. We have had a complicated relationship, and… I.. I suppose even gods can feel guilt, can they not? My only wish is that she finds hope, or peace, or whatever she has been grasping for. I may deserve what I have to deal with now, but she certainly doesn’t. It’s never been her fault. I don’t care if she never forgives me for what I’ve done, all I need for her is to survive."
Seven Red Suns: "This is admittedly quite a difficult subject for me. Pebbles and I were once great friends, he looked up to me as a mentor and I listened to him and tried my best to support and understand him.... then I made horrible, horrible choices and I gave him information I absolutely shouldn't have, and I regret those decisions deeply. I should have known better, and now he, Moon, and potentially many others are hurt because of my actions. Sig and I are good friends, though I admit his teasing does somewhat bother me at times. I look to him frequently for guidance and to get more opinions on things. Despite his demeanor, he is extremely knowledgeable about various things like purposed organisms and his input on those subjects is very much appreciated. He has helped me a lot with answering questions and giving me ideas about what I can also do. My Messenger has become a very dear friend of mine. They're quite expressive and I enjoy communicating with them as best as I can, they have shared many stories of their travels with me and many things they have seen and done. It's quite nice to have someone to talk to since communications are decayed."
#rain world#rw downpour#slugcat#rain world downpour#rainworld#rw ask blog#rw askblog#rw gourmand#rw slugcat#rw survivor#rw enot#rw inv#rw invenot#rw spearmaster#rw saint#rw rivulet#rw monk#voiceover#rw voiceover#voice acting#rw watcher#rw nightcat#rw nightwatcher#rain world askblog#rain world ask blog#five pebbles#rw five pebbles#rw iterator#rw seven red suns#seven red suns
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Thinking about the weird camaraderie that exists between demons but not angels in GO.
Have we ever seen two angels who are actually friends? Or even friendly to one another? We have met angels with a capacity to be friendly in general, but I think the closest we've come to two angels actually getting along would be Gabriel making a point to laugh at Sandalphon's terrible "can't have a war without War" line in S1.
Most scenes between the angels actually seem to have an undercurrent of absolute hostility. Teeth-clenched teamwork. No wonder it took them so long to notice that Aziraphale wasn't on the same page as the rest of them! The rest of them are barely on the same page as one another, either! When Gabriel goes against the majority vote, no one bats an eye at demoting him and wiping his memory. Michael and Uriel immediately begin vying for his job. The only times we've seen angels team up is when they're working together to bully someone else, like when they're trying to intimidate Aziraphale in S1 or going to the aftermath of the bookshop raid in S2.
Saraqael's overall neutrality towards Muriel is the closest we get to two angels in Heaven getting along, and it's more a lack of hostility than any kind of friendliness. At least until Gabriel loses his memories and Muriel shows up to spy on Aziraphale, and Aziraphale decides to be kind to both of them.
Demons, on the other hand, actually seem to form alliances and even friendships among one another. Hastur and Ligur are awful, but Hastur seems genuinely distraught over Ligur's death, not just fearful of suffering the same fate. Shax and Furfur conspire together and even though the 1940's investigation into Crowley's fraternizing doesn't work out for Furfur, it's not due to any double-crossing on Shax's part. Unlike the angels, who stick almost exclusively to making threats until the Metatron decides to try dangling a carrot at the end of the season, demons actually offer rewards to other demons when trying to work together. Beelzebub offers Crowley a promotion if he can bring them Gabriel, Furfur offers to back Shax up politically if she goes for the Duke position opening, and Crowley successfully stalls Hastur in S1 by pretending everything was a test and he's going to be put in charge of a legion as a reward for passing. They're still not great at socializing, but they're significantly ahead of the angels.
Of course, it's a fact that demons are awful to one another (Eric's treatment is really bad, they throw that random demon into holy water just to test it, "it'd be a funny world if demons went around trusting one another", etc) but they still seem more capable of forming friendships than the angels do.
I think that's because Hell cramps and crowds everyone together to try and increase their suffering and hostility, whereas Heaven isolates angels to decrease the odds of questioning or rebellion. Hell's methods are unpleasant, but it still ends up putting demons together, and some of those demons inevitably forge alliances and make friendships. Because as Crowley and Beelzebub demonstrate, demons are still social creatures with the capacity for love and affection, even if it's strongly discouraged and buried under nine million layers of trauma and a cultural mandate against kindness.
Angels are the same, but isolation makes is harder to form connections than overcrowding. Muriel and Jimbriel are both so eager to make friends, but Muriel's spent the past millennia shut in an empty office, and Gabriel has been distanced from his peers both through his position and also through Heaven's culture of fear and surveillance. He only breaks away from it when he finds something that's stronger than "choosing sides" (stronger than the fear of being rejected by Heaven and Falling, in fact strong enough that Falling seems worth it if he gets to be with someone he loves). Both Muriel and Gabriel are only able to start forming connections when they're away from Heaven.
I just think it's interesting that demons, despite being supposedly devoid of love, have an advantage in forming relationships compared to angels. Angels are supposed to love, but have far fewer opportunities to actually do so. Demons aren't supposed to love, but they make connections anyway.
#good omens#ineffable bureaucracy#both angels and demons are suckers for a bit of kindness too#even if they pretend otherwise and even if there are exceptions to the rule#like yeah you're probably not gonna win over the likes of hastur or michael with a nicety#but according to word of god furfur would be highly susceptible to a kind word#and well we see how it is with muriel and jim#i think this is why shax also weirdly toes the line between getting crowley destroyed and being almost-friends with him#that's just how it works in hell when you don't actually despise somebody#you can't be nice to them but you're still also kind of helpful and non-hostile a lot#don't let it interfere with your goals but sure deliver their mail and get their help with your boiler issues why not#maggie took the wrong approach to confronting the demons#if she'd been nice instead of telling them off they wouldn't have known how to handle it i bet#they're USED to being mocked and yelled at#should have given them jim's tray of canapes and offered them tea and stuff#not that I expect anyone to intuit that under the circumstances just that it might have actually held them off a lot longer#bunch of demons sitting outside of a bookshop passing around a tray of tiny little dinners and listening to records playing from inside
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Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.
When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?
Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?
I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.
I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.
An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.
So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.
Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡
#bungou stray dogs#seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want#but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this#either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it#if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol#maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk#also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing#like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost#not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it-#-would have been extremely different otherwise#i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with#and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story#I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen#BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga#like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible#so I at least am still perfectly happy lol#(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao)#anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already#please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-)#it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda#Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please-#Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭#MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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The way people are becoming anti-children nowadays is really sad. And I'm not talking about people not wanting to have kids of their own, that's fine and something that shouldn't be shamed nor up to someone else to debate. No, I'm talking about the people who adamantly hate these little humans for simply existing, wanting to ban them from spaces due to them having emotional reactions that they are still learning to understand (you know, the kind of lessons that everyone had to learn and figure out at one point). It's gotten to the point where I've even seen these types of people genuinely support children being harmed and deny their hurt under the consensus of "Well then maybe they shouldn't be there," in your average public space. Like, imagine thinking hating on children, people who need assistance and guidance, is something to be proud of.
#like ill never forget this lady talking about how she took her son to some ice cream or cookie place#and let him look at the display (which is normal) only to have to pull him away bc a man got way to close#and when she talked about how weird it was (which makes sense bc it was) people were blaming her for letting her child run free (which wasn'#t what happened people just threw that in there to justify their hate & dismissing of the potential harm a child could've experienced)#“i vote that dogs should be on plans more than children bc they aren't as annoying!” is gross and brain dead bc only one of those two can#use the bathroom while the other uses it on a mat something in which has potential to stink up a plane & annoy people as well#you just want to bring your dog on board without all the hoops so you act like hating children will solve it#and coming from an animal lover dogs and other pets have the ability to annoy you on flights just as much as children can let's think now#also ive seen people say that children are wrong for experiencing emotional outbursts and im like “while it can be frustrating having to#deal with acting like you weren't in their shoes once and trying to shame them for these emotions is such a jerk thing to do“#also like its guaranteed that kids are going to cry on planes how about instead of shaming them & their parents maybe idk buy soundproof hea#-dphones? like parents are going to bring their kids traveling (as is their right) and are educating them the best they can that's not going#to change so why not take simple steps to prepare instead of hating on little humans? just saying#again this is not for people who just don't want to have kids! people who don't are just as valid as people who do#don't let anyone tell you otherwise#miscellaneous#idk necessarily how to tag this tbh#rants#tw for mentions of children being harmed
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Imagine Egg A1 still has one life left, and it somehow manages to escape the facility... It is being followed by mobs, by Federation employees, being hurt by the poison ivy and other environmental threats, but it keeps running, because what other choice is there? That parkour course was a trick after all, the last block was a fake, it was never meant to pass that test in the first place.
So it keeps running, but the Federation workers are getting closer. It won't be able to avoid them forever...
But then it bursts through some bushes and comes face to face with someone new - and it's Bad, out building or exploring or just wandering alone. A1 is immediately afraid, of course. It is a stranger, a very visually striking stranger, the complete opposite of the pure white and featureless employees of the Federation. But there are people close behind, and it knows what will happen to it if it is caught, so... It has no choice but to try. It has no way to communicate, no signs or books, so it simply rushes to hide behind him and hopes he understands, and that he is willing to help...
And Bad, for his part, well.. he's an extremely cautious and paranoid person, and this is just an incredibly confusing and unexpected situation to be in. An unknown egg appeared out of nowhere and is hiding behind him, he can see Federation employees in the distance that are clearly looking for something... He knows that the code has been disguising itself as eggs, and that the strange egg in front of him with no marks, no distinguishing features, an egg that he has never seen before, could easily be the code monster preparing to attack at any moment...
But there is absolutely no way Bad could ever look at an egg in distress and not try to help it, even knowing it could be a trap.
So he quickly digs a shallow hole and pushes the mysterious egg into it, covering it up just in time, and when the employees throw him a book asking if he had seen anything, he lies effortlessly, he complains about nonsense, he asks them where the Ekea is and is as annoying as he can be, until they leave.
And now they're alone... just Bad an this mystery egg in the middle of the woods, A1 too afraid to leave the hole even when Bad tries to coax it out. He gives it food and tries his best to comfort it, to tell it everything is okay and that the pursuers are gone. He gives it some signs and a book, trying to see if it will write anything to him or answer any of his questions, but he gets no reply. A1 is just too afraid to even attempt to answer, and Bad doesn't even know if it understands him. He tries what few words he does know of the other languages, and still no response.
What should he do? As much as the image of a tiny, terrified egg makes him want to do all he can for it he also needs to be safe. He can't bring it home, because if it is a code there is no way he is bringing it anywhere near Dapper. Should he call someone else for help, or would that draw too much attention? Would it even be safe for him or the egg to let anyone know right now? And was this egg dangerous, or harmless and in need of protection? He wouldn't abandon it regardless but...
What now?
#Egg A1#badboyhalo#I am a Bad watcher it will always be qBad in my what ifs even if anyone could do it#Plus he is perfect for the job#I can't write fic but yes this is basically an A1 fic oops#ElQuackity you thought killing a featureless egg was a safe option but you're wrong we are all attached#I want A1 to be alive and to escape to be adored and protected#Also I bet if Bad got caught with a mystery egg I think he'd just go 'Huh? No this is my other child you just never saw them before :)'#Also for some reason my brain was calling A1 'Alice' but then I saw people using 'Ai' and that's adorable too~#Though it also makes me think 'artificial intelligence' but hey maybe that is fitting for the fabricated eggs theory XD#'What now' I ask as if I am not already imagining Bad trying to protect A1 and also be safe in case it is a threat#not wanting to think it is but unable to know otherwise#but also being so BBH about it and just being in complete dad mode when they interact#he keeps it in it's own safe little secure home and does what he can to help it with minimal communication for several days#until A1 starts to open up little by little - incredibly slowly#Bad very gradually telling very select people about it#until eventually when the Federation finds out - everyone who knows is immediately hmm what no this is our child what do you mean?#and go ultra protective#because A1 deserves the world#fic within the tags yes#Bad ruined my sleep schedule and I can't sleep mindless rambles time
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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it’s not funny anymore. i need xander and spencer’s book
#like it’s serious.#how did they become my vacation couple?!#like i’m on vacation imagining what fictional characters would be doing in this scenario AND THEY ARE MY BRAIN’S GO TO?!#i can’t remember the last time i was this invested in a couple before their book even came out#mine#like us series#i guess technically not? but i don’t have anything else to call it rn#and also i can’t remember if i ever brought this up here but it seems obvious that we’re getting easton / vada and im here for it?#like we don’t know super much about either of them but i obviously like easton due to his friendship with xander#and vada is gillow’s child which automatically qualifies her for national treasure status#and i think it was clever of them to pair them off that way#bc otherwise even though easton is well liked he wouldn’t really qualify for a book as just a side character#(not that they didn’t do that for oscar / jack and are obviously angling for a frog / quinn book)#and vada needs someone trustworthy from outside the families#anyway. THEY ARE ALL I THINK ABOUT#YOURE TELLING ME I HAVE TO GET THROUGH ALL THE COBALT BOYS BEFORE THIS?? WHEN THE NLU SET UP WAS THAT PERFECT#like as happy as i am to get ben’s book in my life it just feels wrong that his and xander’s books won’t be back to back idk#🏆 this is for anyone that actually read this deep into the tags you are a warrior
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Would you still like me if I got worse
#mild (i think?) vent in the tags (?)#days go by like hours i dont know whats wrong#i ignore everyone im close to#if i learn AT ALL that anyone I'm close to is slightly busy or stressed in any way i will no longer talk to them because i can only view my-#-company as stressful and tiring. so sorry about that#i just cant stand the thought of being annoying. everyone already hates me i know it. every time i try to help anyone i only make it worse#I'm too fucking annoying for anyone to genuinely like#anyone who tells me they like me as a person at all I'm immediately suspicious of because what did i do to you to make you lie to me#I'm only a burden and thats all im ever going to be and no one can convice me otherwise#my last relationship ended because i was such a piece of shit communicator and im sure it didnt help that im a fucking annoying idiot retard#i genuinely feel sorry for my poor current partner because xey have to deal with me#I'm such a piece of shit#jim rambles
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so yall telling me that i am wanted and lovable...
#like. i got invited to someone's birthday and i thought it was at the wrong place#so i went there and they weren't there and in a previous friend group they used to tell me to wait for them in a certain place#and they'd never arrive. and it would turn out that everyone else had gone and were having fun without me knowing i would just be waiting#for them. and so i was like. huh. guess that happened again#but turns out i was just in the wrong place and now i feel like shit#because i feel like it's all gonna be one massive trick and i feel like a dick for not being able to trust anyone#i'm so used to not asserting myself and not saying what i want because i've been taught i won't be lovable otherwise and now i don't know#when i'm lovable and when i'm not. what do you mean i can be lovable without having to do anything first? lmao ok then#and my friends are all so nice to me and i feel bad for being so suspicious because of past experiences#vent in tags#dee rambles#to delete#tw vent
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Just saw a bad opinion on a job. You shouldn't NEED a """"""good"""""" job to fucking SURVIVE!!!!!! I don't care!!!! Any job someone can get, even if you think it's BASIC work that "doesn't deserve high pay" should be able to pay for that person to afford everything they need. Home, groceries, car and or transport, healthcare, insurances, etc. AND still offer a bit of money for fun or otherwise. Of course """"good"""" jobs should pay more, nobody wants to work a degree dependent job and earn $13.00 but the moment you start saying that "well maybe those minimum wage workers should take a look at reality" you're ignoring that SO many of those people CANNOT access higher education TO magically for sure definitely be offered a better job
#this is probably worded so badly idc. dont TELL me about um well uh ummm its minium wage job dont complain. i dont think people should fuc#king be homeless bc they can only work as a bagger. I've never ever thought that and nothing will ever convince me otherwise.#I KNOW multiple people in my life who CANNOT go into higher education bc they couldn't even get to PUBLIC school. And none of them are less#deserving to have their own homes and vacations and to spend money on silly wants instead of struggling everyday!!!!!!!#also. why do you think any one job is inherently better. and why is it only better if it requires a degree. My dad can and has built houses#he doesnt have a degree for this. it was all taught to him by others. He can fix almost anything wrong with our car. But is he stupid becaus#e he isnt Technically a mechanic?#this isnt about anyone here
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The amount of buddies I had to block this week is insane! You all are crossing every line possible
#911#I never could get into buddie#and now I'm glad because what the hell is wrong with this side of fandom??#I get wanting your ship to be canon#TRUST ME I GET IT#but some of you are just awful to anyone who thinks otherwise#I'm not telling you to stop shipping them just be more respectful towards REAL people?!?
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today my coworker turned to my mentor and told him there was something about him that was just inherently likable and turned to me and told me i should work on being less giggly if i wanted to be taken seriously in life
#there's very very little she could say that could offend me at this point. cause i know how she is#but it was quite funny#after that she went 'have you ever had anyone dislike you?' to him#and he went 'hmm. maybe when i was like 6'#(she's not wrong he's probably the most charismatic person i know)#(and i'm glad he's on my side. that boy has convinced management to do SO many things on my behalf that would have taken forever otherwise)#unfortunately i do believe that charm is something people inherently have and can't be learned. otherwise I would Steal It from him#i would be Unstoppable if I had just a lil bit of charisma in me#unfortunately. i do not. so instead. i must communicate instead of manipulate my way through life#: / one of them is a lot more boring than the other#also he's an ASSHOLE. he's genuinely a dick like 70% of the time#it's just that he's also horribly horribly likeable/charming#so people don't notice/ don't get mad about it#i was telling him this earlier today. he asked me something and i was like 'u know ur an asshole right.'#just cause no one else is brave enough to tell him doesn't mean i WONT.#i just. i'm so jealous of That part of him. where he's so fucking mean but people still bend over backwards to help him#it's also the pretty privilege. cause he looks like an Abercrombie model.#ok goodbye#daily tumblr rant for my mental health#(not daily i prommy. like. biweekly)
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Depression/PTSD recovery is wild because you could be doing greater than you've ever been in your life but then one small thing happens that reminds you of "that time" and suddenly all of the past emotions flood back into you and you feel like you're back to being the kid who's crying and shaking in the corner wondering if the people closest to you would be so much happier without you
#im being accused of faking my disabilities again and having them used against me#my mom hasnt talked to me for 2 days because of a shower chair being in the wrong spot#and said i use my adhd as an excuse to be stupid#and then i conftonted my partner about how he broke his promise to call me 3 days in a row#and he was drunk and saying things about how i cant understand how exhausted he is working 12 hr days (valid)#but then started calling me privileged for ''being able to sit at home all day and do nothing''#(he knows that im only stuck in bed on my bad days and that i definitely do not do ''nothing'')#so i asked him to call me back the next day(sunday) when he was sober. he never called me so i had to call him. he was drunk#so i got mad that he couldn't even stay sober for a COUPLE OF HOURS to talk to me#when hes sober hes super understanding and will take my feelings into consideration immediately#but he kept taking me confronting him as an insult and started calling me names like lazy and a crybaby#and this is the person who has always treated me perfect otherwise and does everything he can to make me feel better#and his personality COMPLETELY SWITCHED and he sounded exactly like my abusive exes#i sent him recordings of the call and he sent me 2 messages saying hes sorrh and hes gonna work on his drinking and was gonna call yesterday#then i didnt hear from him again and while he was ignoring my calls he made a post on fb (that he never uses) that he wasn't going to be#talking to anyone for a while because im the only person who cares about him#and i commented and was like hello??? im that one person and you're actively ignoring me?? and he deleted the post????#he didnt even send a message saying he wouldnt be able to call me#he never answered but when i called him today while he was at work he just responded ''cant talk im at work'' and i was like yeah ik but#im trying to get your attention because you wont tell me whats going on#and begged him to call me after work#hes acting like a completely different person now and i have a strong feeling that it's because at the place he works at in texas#they're made to work all day in a 110° warehouse#and with his insomnia and having to be at work between 3-5am he's barely sleeping while doing all of this#so im hoping his behavior is just a symptom of heat exhaustion and lack of sleep#because this isnt like him at all#im begging and begging for his attention and affection the same way i did with my abusive exes and my mom#i dont know what's going on
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