#and anthologies that aren't all by the same author

[unbearable-lightness-of-ink]

y'all i caved to peer pressure and made one of those lists of books. I got to be the first person to add some books by tumblr mutuals to this list website, apparently, so that's pretty cool. anyway pls tell me if you have read more of my books than I have bc I honestly need motivation to get through my tbr piles of shame.

[ao3commentoftheday]

Feel free to delete this, but: in light of all of the stuff about creative envy/jealousy lately, I'm wondering if you have any advice for a person whose creative self-esteem has been completely destroyed by negative fandom experiences. I greatly appreciate your blog and I'm not sure where else to turn at this point. I am an older person in fandom (I am nearly fifty) and in a conservative career path, and I have nobody IRL I can talk to about fandom-related business for fear of judgment, retaliation, or just "making things worse".

I've been writing fanfiction for around fifteen years, mostly in several video game fandoms. In 2022 I started writing for a smaller fandom (like, <1000 works on AO3 kind of small), which is what got me to finally join Tumblr. Right away, I realized it was the same three people (over and over) in this fandom who seemed to organize all collaborative projects and just sort of "hovered around" everyone. One of them was a very popular author, and they both wrote a popular ship (we'll call them "X/Y"), whereas I preferred to ship X with Z. I generally kept to myself and did my own thing. I occasionally wrote smut with these characters, but mostly just supernatural dramas and humor rated M or below.

My writing, of course, was not popular (because of the ship, I'd presume - which, mind you, was two consenting adults), and the lack of engagement/feedback was really shitty (but manageable to a degree). But then these people who seemed to hold all the social capital in this fandom started coming after me. It started with passive-aggressive vagueposting, and it ended with one of them messaging me out of nowhere (while I was at work) to tell me I was not allowed to submit any work to an "anthology" they were curating because my work made them all feel "icky", while one of the others refused to interact with me at all despite not even knowing me (which another person told me was over shipping, too). I was also told nobody wanted to do fic trades/prompts with me because my work was "too out there" and was "causing discomfort". My work isn't kink/fetish, gore, pro-bigotry or anything like that - it's just a minor-character ship that people got their undies wadded up over for a reason I still don't understand.

I ended up so crushed by this backlash that I stopped writing anything to do with that game and unfollowed/blocked most content related to it as well. And now I want to write something new, and share something new on AO3, and I just...can't. I'm so scared that this will just happen to me again, I'm convinced the problem is me, that I'm a terrible writer, that I'm a reject and a freak, that I brought all of this on myself by doing something unpopular/different, and I'm just...not sure how to abort this creative self-hate spiral I've gotten stuck in, and I'd appreciate any thoughts you could give me, because time and space and touching grass aren't fixing it.

Oh anon, I'm so sorry you went through that 💗 None of that was your fault, and none of it was deserved. You were being bullied by a group of mean-minded individuals who decided to target you over, presumably, which two dolls you liked to make kiss.

None of their behaviour was actually about you. Nothing you did was actually wrong. You're not a terrible writer or a reject or a freak. You're a human being who was treated horribly by others. Those fans who were bullying you have a lot more to be ashamed of than you do.

I totally understand why you'd feel the way you do, anon. The tactics that they used convinced you that you were the problem instead of them. But bullying is always about the issues that the bully isn't dealing with. Their ego, their insecurities, their need for power or control.

I'm sorry that you don't have a support system you can talk to, and I'm glad you reached out. If you have the ability to, I'd recommend seeking a counsellor or therapist that you can talk to about it more. People in those roles shouldn't be judgmental in the way you're fearing, and they might be able to give you that support that you don't have anywhere else.

I hope you do continue writing, since it's something that brings you joy. And when you're ready to post on AO3 again, make sure you use the tools available to protect you from bullying again. You can restrict comments to just registered (logged-in) users, and if someone starts harassing you, report it to the Policy & Abuse team. Restrict asks on tumblr so that you don't allow anons - or even turn your ask box off altogether.

I can't tell you with 100% certainty that this won't happen again, unfortunately. But what I can tell you is that people like that are a tiny minority in fandom. While they might end up accruing power sometimes and even become BNFs, there will always be people who see them for who they really are.

In the end, whether you write and post again or not, I just want you to know that you're not a horrible person, and you're not a freak. You're a fan who was writing about something you love, and you didn't deserve to be treated like that. 💗

[thebibliosphere]

I saw your post about ingram, and out of curiosity, is there some advantage to going through the whole self-publishing thing with retailers when you're just starting out? like I mean the way that fandom zines work is that they don't even bother going through ingram or amazon or whatever. they just set up a social media site (usually twitter) to gain followers, open preorders (usually 1-2 months in length) to generate the costs of printing upfront, and then sell anywhere from a few dozen to several hundred copies of their books (usually artbooks, but anthologies exist too). I've seen some zines generate over a thousand orders. they're kind of like pop-up shops, except for books. maybe the sales numbers aren't so impressive to a real author, but the profit generated is typically waaaay more than the $75+ apparently needed for Ingram Spark, so I still feel like new authors could benefit from this method too, especially if they just need some start-up cash to eventually move to ingram if they want to for subsequent runs of their book. I think authors would also have to set aside some of the pre-order money to buy an ISBN number to have printed on their book, and I'm not really sure what other differences there are, but I just wanted to ask about it in case there's some huge disadvantage I'm missing!

So, popup zines work well for some people, and I know some authors who kickstart their work successfully. But for a lot, it's just not feasible as a long-term stratedy. Or even as a means to get off the ground.

Fanzines succeed primarily because an existing fanbase is willing and ready to throw money at something they love. They’ve got a favorite writer or artist they want to support. Supporting all the others is just a happy by-product. They also take a HUGE amount of short-term but intense planning that just doesn’t always jive with how some of us work.

I, for one, would never offer to organize a fanzine. I’ll take part in them as a creator, but I’d rather throw myself off a cliff than subject myself to wrangling that many people and dealing with the legal logistics.

When it comes to authors doing anthologies, it'svery much the same. The success of the funding often hinges on having other big-name authors involved whose existing fans will prop up the project. Or having a huge marketing budget.

Most self-pub authors have zero marketing budget. I’m one of them, and I’m under no illusions that my work would not be as popular and self-sustaining as it is if I didn’t have a large Tumblr blog.

When I thank Tumblr in my forewards, I am utterly sincere. Tumblr brought fandom levels of enthusiasm to an unknown work and broke the Amazon algorithm so hard, that Amazon thought I was bot sniping my way to multiple #1 spots and froze my sales rankings.

That’s not the norm. And while I could probably kickstart my own work as an indie creator, that’s because I’ve put literal decades into building up a readership. I’ve been doing this since I was 16 and realized people thought I was funny. I didn’t know what to do with it or if I’d ever actually write anything, but it meant the groundwork was already there (thank you, past-me). I basically fell upward into my success by virtue of never being able to shut the fuck up and wanting to make people laugh. Clown instincts too strong.

New or first-time authors trying to sell their work without that will find it infinitely harder.

All of that aside, even if an unknown author somehow gets lucky and manages to fund their work, there’s still the question of shipping and distribution logistics. Are you shipping everything yourself? Better hope you’re able-bodied and have the time for it. (for reference, it took me months to ship out 300 patreon hardbacks because of my disabilites. It damaged my back and hands. I couldn’t type for several weeks after I was done.)

Are you going to sell primarily at conventions? Better hope you’re able-bodied, have the time and don’t have cripling anxiety about being in large groups...

Also, will selling a dozen to a few thousand copies in one burst be sustainable in the long run as a career? Not for me. Doing things via Ingram and Amazon means I earn a steady trickle of sales for the rest of my life provided the platforms remain and so long as I keep working and can generate interest in the series, not just when I have funds to pay for physical copies to sell. The one-time (in theory) cost of $75 to distribute through Ingram gets paid off pretty quick that way. And it doesn't require the same logistics as doing the popup/crowdfund.

Ultimately, it comes down to what you are capable of but also the type of work you’re doing. If you’ve got an extended network of fellow creatives who will back you or you’ve got a large following elsewhere, doing it like a popup might work for you.

If you’re an exhausted burnout who can’t fathom the short but intense amount of organization that sort of thing requires, not to mention doing it over and over and over... Ehhhhh. No thank you.

[meimi-haneoka]

Thank you Cinzia! I seriously need to check my notifications more. I didn't even realise that you had answered my ask. Loved your timeline and fanfics. I completely get what you are saying about writing fanfic. It kind of just flows out when you are that invested in a pairing. Also, that CCS in Public domain ask.... if I am not wrong, Japan seems to have a different approach to it. I mean I have seen doujinshis and light novels being sold legally featuring (and being advertised with) CCS characters. I am not sure but it seems that is legal in Japan? Not sure of all this but I assure you that I have come across some R18 doujinshis featuring Junior High aged SyaoSaku. The horror...... Also, I didn't realise that Akiho and Sakura had lived together as sisters for 5 months post Alice in Clockland. I mean, they all don't look much different (I kind of presumed that it had been just a bunch of weeks, like autumn is over and winter has begun). Frankly, they should be nearer to the heights in the final chapter of OG CCS manga if the second year is about to begin (since Sakura and Syaoran were reunited in the beginning of the second year of JHS in the OG manga). Oh well, I will just chalk it down to art style change.

Thank you so much for reading my drabbles and finally check my timeline, Aubretia!! 😁I'm glad in the end it worked for you! ✨

About the doujinshi matter, hehe, it's not that simple. From what I know, doujinshi are considered 二次創作, "derivative works", and as such technically they aren't legal, if they don't have the authorization of the author. Often fanartists who produce doujinshi also produce what we call "fan merch", like printing their art on acrylic keychains, stickers, acrylic stands and such. Those fall into the category too. However, in the industry there is an unspoken agreement that such works are "tolerated" by copyright holders as long as the price they're sold at can be proven as a mere "reimbursement of the cost" to produce such merch (like the printing cost for the doujinshi/anthologies and the manufacturing cost for other items). Basically, the fanartists don't have to earn money from this (or I guess the don't have to earn too much). Usually artists print a definite amount of copies to sell at conventions and a definite amount to sell online, so it doesn't "become too much" and attracts "too much attention" from the copyright holders. These are tolerated only because it turns into further promotion for the IP, so of course the fanartists need to know their place and not overdo it. So it's not legal, but it is common practice to "close an eye" on it (and yes, this means that there's literally anything, as you pointed out, out there).

For Akiho and Sakura living together, yeah it's more or less from 4 to 5 months! I calculated this from the fact that when the play started, they had barely changed into their winter uniform at school, and usually that happens on a set date in Japan, on October 1st. Now, in the chapter of the play (63) you can see lots of people attending the school festival, and many of them wear short sleeves, while other wear mid or long sleeves. This definitely made me think that there were still quite nice temperatures so it probably wasn't in late October but rather at the beginning of it (I even thought it might have been September and they changed uniforms early). When Kaito activated the forbidden magic, things continued exactly from where they were left off before he brought Sakura and Akiho to Clockland, so when we come back in chapter 70 it's still everything on the same day of the play. And then, when we see how things are going for them in chapter 71, we see everyone wearing the "super winter uniform", as I jokingly call it, along with coats, scarves, gloves, it's even snowing at some point! And they also say that "soon" Sakura is going to become a second year student at Tomoeda Middle school, so I had already pinpointed the month when all of this was happening as end of February. When the last chapter dropped, turns out I was right, because just 4 days after the "last battle" Akiho says she would've left Tomoeda one month later, and when we see her and Kaito on their departure day, cherry blossoms are starting to bloom, so that means that they are at the end of March. So, in short, Sakura and Akiho spent as sisters an indefinite part of October, all of November, December, January and all of February together before they realized what the heck was happening. Yeah, it's all a matter of looking around you and observing "the silent hints" (isn't all of Clear Card like that, after all?) and you can get a lot of the context. 😉👍

And oh, I absolutely don't suggest to take any of the OG manga panels as a reference for the heights and such because back then CLAMP's style was very different. They tended to make their characters so tall (and their legs so long!) especially when they had to indicate that kids had grown up. Their chins were more pointy, the shoulders wider (I always laugh when I look back to Syaoran with those wide shoulders)...yeah it was something completely different. Now Mokona sensei respects body proportions a lot more and I also have to say that the poses of her characters are more natural and not "stiff" as they were before. I also love how more expressive they've become. I do agree though that if she could make them a tiny bit taller it would be better. This is something that I've constantly "complained" about during the serialization.

Besides, I always understood that Sakura and Syaoran were in their first year at Tomoeda Middle school, at the end of the OG manga? Cause Sakura says "my brother is going to poke fun at me oversleeping even though I've become a middle schooler!" so it suggests that the change had just happened? Well, Clear Card is its sequel and it starts exactly like the last pages of volume 12, with an "extended version" of the finale, so I think that the kids being in 1st year of middle school is what CLAMP had always intended since 2000.

[thehorrortree]

Submission Window: January 1st - 31st, 2023 Payment: 8 cents/word and 4 cents/word for reprints Theme: Speculative stories--science fiction, fantasy, horror--with Christian themes, characters, or cosmology Note: Reprints Welcome Mysterion is looking for speculative stories--science fiction, fantasy, horror--with Christian themes, characters, or cosmology, and for artwork for this site. Fiction Guidelines Technical details Stories can be up to 9000 words (thanks, Patreon supporters!). This is a hard limit--our submission system will enforce it. We pay 8 cents/word for original stories (or original translations of stories that have not previously appeared in English), and 4 cents/word for reprints (thanks again, Patreon!). Authors are paid once we've agreed on edits and signed a contract, prior to earliest publication (generally on our Patreon page). We are seeking 6 months' exclusive worldwide publication rights for original works (with exceptions for established Best of the Year anthologies), and non-exclusive worldwide print and electronic rights thereafter for both original works and reprints. We want to publish your story online in our webzine and keep it there indefinitely. We're also acquiring the right to offer ebook versions of the stories we publish, as Patreon rewards or for purchase; and to publish a print and ebook anthology of all the stories that appeared in the webzine over a given 1- or 2-year period. For original fiction, we want to be the only place publishing it for the first 6 months; after that, you're welcome to publish it anywhere else in any format you like. No multiple or simultaneous submissions. If multiple writers co-write a story, we consider each distinct group of writers a different submitter. In other words, if two people co-write a story, and they submit the co-written story, and each of them also submits a story written on their own, that would not violate our no multiple submissions policy. Submitting two stories co-written by the same two people would violate our no multiple submissions policy. Don't resubmit a story we've rejected unless we request revisions. We usually manage to respond to everyone within four months of the submission window's closing. Feel free to query (editors@mysteriononline.com) if it's been longer than four months since the end of the submission period. Format requirements: Stories must be double spaced, in 12-point Times New Roman or Courier font. The story title, your byline, a word count, and contact information should appear on the first page, and your last name, story title, and page number should appear in the header information of all other pages. If you want to make our lives easier, our preferred format is Times New Roman, italics for emphasis, one space after periods and colons, smart quotes, m-dashes instead of double hyphens, and first line of paragraph indented 0.5" in Paragraph formatting instead of with the Tab key. But we aren't that particular about any of this when evaluating your stories. Stories should be submitted via the Moksha submissions system: https://mysterion.moksha.io/publication/mysterion. Submit your stories in .doc, .docx, or .rtf format. Your cover letter should contain a list of your three or four most prestigious publications (if any), and any pertinent biographical details: tell us if you're an astronaut writing about space travel, but not if you're an astronaut writing about the elf-dwarf war. Invert that if you're an elf. If you've met us in person, feel free to mention it. Finally, let us know if the story is previously published and where it first appeared--even if it appeared on your blog or Twitter feed. Don't try to summarize your story or explain why it's a good fit for our publication (if it's a good fit, we should be able to tell by reading it). Theme guidelines The story must have a speculative element. It needs something beyond the everyday. We love science fiction

and fantasy, enjoy good ghost stories, and think there's great fiction material hidden in the mysteries of Christian theology--cherubim, leviathan, nephilim, visions, prophecy, and more. The story must engage with Christianity. We want stories with Christian characters whose faith affects their actions, with Christian themes such as grace and redemption, or with a Christian view of the supernatural. Note that we're not saying that you must be a Christian. We are not in a position to judge your faith and won't try, and we welcome submissions from authors of all backgrounds and perspectives. Nor does your story need to be unambiguously pro-Christian. If you can tell a good story that meaningfully engages with Christianity, we want to read it. We publish accepted stories submitted in January between July and December that year, and stories submitted in July between January and June of the next year. If your story is seasonal (Christmas, Easter, Presidents' Day), please take this into consideration. Read more about what we're looking for in our Theme Guidelines. For even more information, see our posts on what we want or read the stories we've published so far. Artwork Guidelines We are looking for art of science fiction, fantasy, horror, and the miraculous. While subtle Christian themes are a bonus, they are not required. We pay $125 for a non-exclusive license to display the artwork on our website for a period of up to 6 months, and to use it as cover art for ebooks we distribute to our supporters on Patreon. As long as you own the artwork and no one else has an exclusive license to it, we're not concerned with how else it has been or will be used. We may also use the artwork for ebooks that are made available for general purchase through Amazon and other vendors; but if so, we will pay an additional $25. While displayed on the front page, the artist will be credited and linked to in the sidebar. Afterward, a lower resolution version will be kept on the Art page, with a link to your site. Please send a link to your portfolio to submissions@mysteriononline.com, with the subject ART: , where is your name, and feel free to mention a few pieces you think we may be interested in. We'll get in touch with you if there's something we would like to use. We'll be looking for art that's available in resolutions at least 1800 pixels across, and that has between a 2:1 and 3:1 width to height ratio. We'll want JPEG format. Due to different screen sizes, parts of the image may be cropped on different displays, so we need images where the focus is localized. We can control which sides of the image are cropped, so we can focus on any of the upper left, center, or right, or the bottom left, center, or right, but an image that depends on having both the right and left sides intact won't work. Try changing the window size of the home page to see how the cropping of the image adjusts for an example. Via: Mysterion.

[kingthunder]

Ever since I was a little kid inhaling books off the sf/f shelves at the local library ten at a time, I wanted to be an author.

I put that desire on hold for decades. Not because I didn't want to do it, but because I was one of those gifted-track ADHD kids who internalized the whole idea of, "if at first you don't succeed, the lesson is never try—then they won't know you're skating through everything by the skin of your teeth and are actually incompetent." It took me until I was in my 30s to undo that mentality. It seems like real kindergarten stuff to realize that if you want to get better at something you have to practice. All I can say in my defense is that my own father used to tell me repeatedly, and very smugly, that only losers who aren't good at stuff have to practice, and that we (him and me) were winners who didn't have to do things like that.

(I also think that he has ADHD, and that he cultivated that own mentality in himself to make himself feel better about also lacking executive function, but if I told him that he would dismiss the thought before I was even done getting it out of my mouth. alas.)

Sometime between my middle school dreams and the crushing weight of the undiagnosed health problems of my 20s, I stopped reading. Books, anyway. I would read fanfiction in spurts. A few months here, a few months there, just when a particular fandom was calling to me. So when I finally got over my own infuriating blend of superiority/inferiority and decided to start practicing writing, it was with fanfiction. It made sense to me. I liked reading it. It gave me the benefit of having pre-made characters and settings, so I didn't have to learn how to create those things and learn the mechanics of storytelling at the same time. Plus, I'd have a readership already. Wins all around.

It went well! I look back at the stuff I wrote when I was first starting, and compare it to now, and the progress is clear (to me, at any rate). I still want to get better, of course, I don't think I'll ever want to stop getting better, but it turns out that practicing works.

My problem now is that...I don't how to move back to published fiction. I just really love writing fanfiction, and I really love reading it, and trying to pivot away from that and into the realm of published stuff sucks, actually. I'm constantly checking books out of the library, reading one, ten, fifty pages, and setting them aside out of boredom or anger. It's almost impossible to find anything that holds my interest enough to finish. It's like the genre of book I want to read only exists as fanfiction.

Meanwhile, I'm bashing my head against a wall trying to make myself start writing original fiction that I could possibly publish. I've managed a little of it. I've taken classes. Applied for some workshops I didn't get into. Won one flash contest and got the dinky little 300 word story published in an anthology. But every word is like pulling teeth. It's agony.

And I'm asking myself why, about all of it. I don't like reading books; what made me think I'd like writing them? Like obviously I'm not having a good time writing them. I'm frustrated to the point of tears constantly when I realize I've gone yet another week with nothing more than brainstorming stories I didn't write a single word of. But I don't want to give up either, because giving up on this means giving up on the one goal I've ever set for myself in my entire life, and it feels too much like giving in to the "you're actually incompetent" brain demon.

Persisting feels like pain, but giving up feels like numbness, and I'd rather hurt.

There's no point to this blog post. This isn't a feel-good essay with a breakthrough or lesson at the end. I have no neat narrative ends to tie up. I'm just screaming into the outer void, because screaming into the inner void hasn't been doing me a crumb of good. Thanks for listening. I'm going to go back to staring at en empty word doc and feeling guilty for not typing anything into it.

[broke-on-books]

✒️ please!!

Send me a ✒️ and I'll pick a poem I think you'd like

After flipping through my notebooks I decided to go with my first instinct for you, which was "A Toast to the Alchemists" by Laura Gilpin. This poem hasn't been published online officially, so they're aren't a ton of sites that have it that I could find with a quick Google search. However I've attatched photos of a reddit post with it along with my version in my journal.

I picked this poem because of its themes of time and the passage of time, as well as magic and giving emotional significance to the most mundane and clinical of things (atoms and elements). In other words, taking magic from the world around us, especially through a lens usually seen as lacking wonder or whimsy. Also vibes, I mainly did it based on vibes.

Some other poems I considered in my search/additional recommendations are listed under the cut:

If you liked the writing of this poem, and haven't read it already (or have) I definitely recommend "The Two-Headed Calf" by Laura Gilpin. It's by the same author and is her most famous poem and is fairly well known and also soooooo good. So good.

Poems with similar themes:

Poems with similar themes to "A Toast to the Alchemists" are

"Dusting" by Marilyn Nelson 💘 (literally cried to this. To be fair it was 10 minutes after I finished the HDM finale so it was mainly because of that but still. Great poem.)

"The Sciences Sing a Lullabye" by Albert Goldbarth

"Ozymandias" by Percy Bysshe Shelley (90% sure you've read this one its the time theme but inverted and it's great if you haven't)

Rejected picks/Poems that gave me Anu vibes (many for no particular reason):

Poems by Ted Kooser for some reason??? NO idea why they're very different from the ones above but some of my faves are "Selecting a Reader", "In a Country Cemetery in Iowa", "The Constellation Orion" and "Flying by Night" (I'm v much questioning this pick now but I'll keep it up here just in case)

Honestly a bunch of random unrelated stuff was popping out at me ("Listen" by Miller Williams, "Cartoon Physics, Part 1" by Nick Flynn, "Snow" by David Berman) and like a million billion more which I all got from the same anthology (Poetry 180, edited by Billy Collins) so if you want to read a bunch more poetry, based on vibes alone, I'd say look for the book, the website, or the sequel. The poems from that book aren't too similar to the one above but it's really one of two books I generally recommend people right off the bat (it was my lit teachers favorite lol) because it's meant to get young adults and teens into poetry and introduce contemporary poetry in general. Idk how much poetry you've read whatever but even if you aren't new to it it's still a good compilation of late 90s/early 00s poetry that makes you think but isn't super long/totally incomprehensible

Anyways that got WAY longer than I anticipated or anyone probably wanted but poetry is an obsession of mine and recommending poetry is much more complicated and harder that it looks, even for the people you know best in the whole world AFTER interviewing their opinions on poetry, not to mention how difficult it would be for internet friends on tumblr. But anyways there's a couple poems, I got the vibes as close as I could with the poems I had on file. (Although i do feel like I'm missing something big 🤔) Anyways thanks for the ask Anu! Hope you thought my pick was alright!

[pricechecktranslations]

in response to my last question: no prob! i understand i shouldve been more specific. the kind of thing im looking for is pretty much anything with very confusing lore i can solve bc i enjoy that typa thing. also yes, anime style is preferred but anything similar is fine ^^ it could be either novels or songs, or both, i like the concept of there being multiple kinds of media for one series. i do enjoy fantasy, especially when it has a dark turn.

(apologies if my typing is off, im just waking up & its 7 in the morning ; ; )

also thank u !!

Hm… (under the cut because this has gotten a bit long)

So, in case you didn't see the replies on the first ask, there's Kingdom Hearts if you've never checked it out. I myself have only seen the first and second game, but there's a ton of installments (both video game, novel, and comic, etc) to piece together, it's a blend of Final Fantasy and Disney (so, anime and cartoon, basically), and it's a pretty classic fantasy series with a bit of darkness in it (though, I would still say kid-friendly darkness). There's also the PutinP series, which is admittedly far less convoluted than Evillious but still fairly interesting to get into--a lot of its more confusing aspects come from the way the series is framed and the myriad cultural references it makes, albeit.

Let's see…There's the Xenoblade Saga, to get back into video games for a second--I've seen the first and second, but I've heard the third is good, and there's definitely a lot of complex lore to get through that might throw you for a loop. Like Evillious it's a cross-blend of fantasy and sci-fi (to the point where I almost wonder if mothy was inspired by some of the first game's lore sometimes), and it features some pretty heavy topics for a family-friendly series. Each game has new protagonists and a new setting, so it's also an anthology of sorts. There's probably quite a few other works I could recommend along these lines--Fate/Stay Night (I understand it began as a visual novel and has branched into a huge multi-media franchise), Final Fantasy, etc, but unfortunately there aren't many I'm personally familiar with.

While this is definitely not in the same ballpark stylistically as it's a Western author, you might be interested in the novels of Brandon Sanderson as well--I've been recently getting into his works and so far I've found his worldbuilding and magic systems to be extremely tight and consistent, his characters to be well fleshed out, and his lore to be deeply fascinating. He has more than one series, but many (or all?) of them take place in the same multiverse, which each one building slightly on the greater mythos in addition to their own world. I'd recommend starting with the Mistborn trilogy, if that interests you.

For manga, you might be interested in checking out the works of CLAMP, a female manga artist group who have made such works as Cardcaptor Sakura, Chobits, and Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle. I myself have only really read xxxHolic, but from what I recall, most of their series take place in the same multiverse as well (at the very least, xxxHolic and Tsubasa are definitely linked to each other), and it can be a bit of a challenge to piece all of the components together.

And of course, even though I've only seen the first arc so far, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the "When they Cry" series--a set of visual novels with a complex puzzle-plot that gets built upon as you go. The first one is Higurashi, and the second one is Umineko. These are horror games, mind, so be wary when going into it if you're squeamish because they can get quite gruesome. These also come with manga and anime adaptations, but I'm not as interested in those if I'm honest.

There's no end to series out there with confusing lore and stories, but hopefully this is a decent selection I've listed here that at least have some passing resemblance to the tone of Evillious.

[cielsosinfel]

For once I'm cross-posting a Dreamwidth post here lol. I wrote way too much about the one and only book I finished so far this year, so tossing it into the reading log tag.

CW: non-descript discussions of sexual assault and antisemitism (both separate from one another)

The last book I finished was an anthology of fairy-tell reimaginings: Black Heart, Ivory Bones, edited by Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling (Avon Books, 2000). This was actually a random used bookstore find- I was once again looking for anthologies with Tanith Lee short stories, and there happened to be three different ones edited by these two authors- this book; another book in the same series called Black Swan, White Raven, and an anthology of fantasy erotica titled Sirens and Other Daemon Lovers. I really lucked out in all of these having Tanith Lee in them, and some other authors I'm interested in. I haven't started the other two yet, though. (I also just a few days ago found ANOTHER book in this fairy tale series, Ruby Slippers, Golden Tears at the same bookstore... would have missed it if I hadn't asked the clerk to check their Tanith Lee stock lmao.)

So, about this anthology:

The Tanith Lee short story in Black Heart, Ivory Bones is the first story in the anthology, and a reimagining of Rapunzel- a prince, who is putting off returning from campaign, because he does not want to return to his father who is coping with grief by obsessively fixating on heroic tales and legends, meets a girl living at the foot of a ruined tower in the middle of the woods. I didn't like this very much at all, to be honest, though there's one passage from the king I like. But one thing that stood out to me is another example of a pattern I've noticed in Lee's books: women- usually women who have already been raped- being able to just tell if a man is a potential rapist or not; men asking women if they aren't worried he's a rapist, only for the woman to tell him they would know and he doesn't have the look of one.

It's a trend I've seen throughout multiple of her novels and short stories at this point. The idea that all women can tell, based on a man's appearance and the way he carries himself and speaks, whether he will rape her. Even her most aggressive or stoic heroes have some innate quality of their being or their appearance that tells women he's safe, as far as sexual assault goes. And there's a lot to unpack there, a lot of long-existing societal biases that it just kind of reaffirms (because certainly there is a very long history of people thinking rapists and other sexually violent individuals have a certain "look" to them.) But I was also thinking about what a power fantasy this is, in a way- to be able to look at a man and know at a glance that he is safe, trustworthy, that you can desire him and know him desiring you back is not a risk. Especially as a survivor of sexual assault! What a superpower that would be.

But yeah, so that's the Tanith Lee story, mostly unremarkable. A lot of this anthology didn't stand out to me, tbh. Neil Gaiman has a short poem in it that I thought was pretty awful lmao. There's a lesbian retelling of the Red Dancing Shoes fairy tale, "The Red Boots" by Leah Cutter, that I liked- the prose is snappy and I thought the author used it to get across the energy of country dancing very well! I liked that there's no Happily Ever After resolution either- despite all the possibilities the protagonist has at her fingertips, with this dance-loving woman who is like her and mutually into her, in a place so hostile and lonely for women like them, she still can't stop treating dance as a competition she has to win. And so she will never be free of her shoes, and she'll never be able to settle down into a life of shared peace, bliss and love.

The last story that stood out to me was "The Golem" by Severna Park. The book opens to a pogrom decimating a shtetl in historical Poland, and the main character, an older woman named Judith, watching her husband Motle, the rabbi of the village, be gunned down by Christians. The shtetl is massacred, and Judith escapes into the woods with two other older women, Nekomeh and Moireh. They're reeling from the trauma they just witnessed, the grief, and the danger of being caught and killed, so decide to band together to try to make it to Leva, another much larger Jewish village outside Cracow. Judith has a dream the first time she sleeps following the massacre, where her husband tells her to make a golem to keep herself safe. What she forms out of the mud is a golem that takes on the exact appearance of her and Motle's long-dead daughter, Reva.

This is a short story but it packs in so much- surviving great violence and loss and yet not being allowed any reprieve before you're go go going to avoid even more violence and loss; the bonds between women who face misogyny, patriarchyt and violence both from within and without their communities and culture; the grief of a wife and of a mother who needs to learn to embrace and let go; the need for violence in defense vs violence as revenge and whether it would really make you better, improve your situation. I thought this was a very good piece of writing.

I really liked the ending:

"With her thumb Judith drew a trembling diagonal next to the Met and added short vertical strokes at the top and at the bottom.

Aleph. Mem. Tav.

She took a step and stumbled where the bank went soft. She fell to her hands and knees where the golem had vanished, tried to get up and stopped.

Spring flowers burst from the fertile dirt between her fingers. They pressed themselves up in green buds from under her knees. They sprouted around her feet, blooming in the sunset, dense and fragrant, trembling in the evening breeze.

Judith made herself stand. If the very earth had risen for her against its will, perhaps there was a place in the shadow of Cracow's walls where an old woman could seed the ground with new things. Not revenge. Not fear. Maybe not even peace, but she could do something.

And this time, she could not find it in herself to be afraid."

So that's the only book I've finished since 2024 started, and even then I kind of skimmed short stories that I knew I wouldn't be into. I'm still working through Lee's Kill The Dead (more like still working through health problems that have made doing anything very difficult), and I also started Kristine Kathryn Rusch's Heart Reader a day ago- I'm already halfway through, it's a very fast read, and I have a lot of thoughts about it that I've kinda posted elsewhere lol.

I've also been speeding through Final Fantasy IV DS. I keep meaning to post about it here but then I forget, I'm just so exhausted. I haven't played it in a couple days actually. It's one of those games I never had the patience to play as a kid, the SNES version at least. If we ever had the DS version I don't remember it, but I remember thinking the SNES version was suuuuuper frustrating to play lol so I didn't bother... But I'm enjoying the DS version a lot! It's definitely very frustrating with the boss battles, that octomammoth fucked me up. I'm enjoying Cecil's character arc, and I'm eagerly awaiting Rydia, Rosa and Edward coming back to my party. I'm enjoying the homoeroticism of Cecil and Kain's friendship turning into a horrific violent antagonistic mess- Kain going from standing up for Cecil and risking angering the Baron to argue for Cecil's sake, to Kain fighting with Golbez to be the one to kill Cecil... Also the whole mind control thing with Golbez is super hot, though I wonder how much of it is totally mind control and how much of it is Kain willingly going along with Golbez because of Rosa, it feels kinda unclear in latter cutscenes. But yes, the characters are fun, the localization script is very fun, the art style is endearing, and the game play is fun once you get into the rhythm of it. (I am also hardcore following this guide to make things much easier on myself lmao.)

Maybe I'll try to put down my impressions when it is not 12am and I'm not running on extremely little sleep.

[woggle-bugger-me]

"the one where everyone dies because of nuclear fallout" what???

You have no idea how excited I am to have an opportunity to talk about Shadows of the Emerald City!

Basically, it's an anthology of horror stories set in Oz. Some are book-accurate, some aren't, and they're all by different authors so there's a lot of variation.

The one you're talking about is "Dorothy of Kansas" by JW Schnarr. It's a post-apocalyptic story wherein nuclear war has broken out and destroyed most of civilisation. The fallout eventually spread to Oz, causing a nuclear winter and killing almost everyone except the Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow. They try and get to Kansas, hoping Dorothy will somehow be able to help them (spoiler alert: she can't).

As you can imagine, it's very grim. There are a few kinda comedic moments, but for the most part it's taken very seriously. I personally liked it, but it's definitely not for everyone due to how heavy the subject matter is (the same can be said about most of the stories in this anthology).

I really recommend checking this book out if you don't mind darker and/or weirder Oz stories. Not every story in this book is a masterpiece, but most of them are really good!

[owlishintergalactic]

This is an anthology of original stories written by fanfic writers. One of them is my own. For so long, fanfic writers have been discouraged from sharing their links to fandom in the original stories world and from disclosing they write fic to the publishing industry. Fic writers have been told many things. We're told we are inferior writers. We're told fic isn't real writing, but practice for originals and, simultaneously, that our originals will never fly because we cling to our beloved tropes and the conventions of our genre. I took these things to heart, for a long time, even as I knew there was an audience out there for the kinds of stories I wrote. Folks who would love the slower, more character driven adventures I wrote with fluff scenes interspersed throughout the action. Who consumed character studies and emotional prose as if they were as necessary to life as food and water. Who were desperate for the sort of inclusiveness in origfic that fanfic has always had. The same inclusivity the publishing industry has barely begun to tap into. So many of my fandom friends can point to a 200k word story they swear is better than any published novel and that it would suffer greatly from being forced into the 100k word or less box Big 6 publishers insist on to reduce risk. It can seem impossible to get your name and your words in print when you want to tell your stories, not those of the publishing industry, and you don't want to stop writing fic, much less renounce it. Self publishing, too, can seem like an insurmountable mountain of work and self-promo. I could sit here and talk about indie presses and niche zines and how they are, for the most part, a friendlier place for fanfic writers, but I mostly want to get the word out that there are two (that I know of) who specifically only take on fanfic writers and have built platforms around supporting those of us who want to be published: Duck Prints Press (@duckprintspress) and OFIC Mag (@oficmag). In the interest of full disclosure, I am both published with Duck Prints Press and became a part of the editorial staff after my story and contract were finalized for printing. I don't speak now as a staff member, but the author I am. I don't ever want to hoard opportunities, because we all benefit when there are more stories out there for us to read. I've got no affiliation with OFIC Magazine and haven't submitted a story to them (yet), but they appeared on my wall and inspired this post. I truly, deeply, down into my very core, believe in the missions of these companies and want to see them succeed (it's why I accepted a staff position in the first place). Publishing needs diversity; not just in authors and characters, but also in style and structure. It needs new stories. Fresh stories. The kinds millions of fandom folk already love to read. We don't need to grow out of our tropes or write something to Market with a capitol 'M'. It's not the only market, and it excludes so many people and so many beautiful, impactful stories. And I am glad there are people willing to put in the time and effort to publish books, anthologies, and publications to showcase all of these amazing tales of adventure, sorrow, intimacy, fluff, and love. If you're looking for paid opportunities to write the kind of stories you love, please check out https://www.oficmag.com/ and https://duckprintspress.com/ for upcoming opportunities. As I learn of more fic-writer-friendly publishers and zines, I will try to share them here as well as my fic-friendly general writing advice and answers to Asks on writing, making the transition from fic writer to origfic writer, and how my birds/guinea pigs/child/wife are doing. And, if you aren't interested, pass these opportunities along and keep on writing and reading. You're all amazing.

[luimnigh]

I absolutely agree with everything you said about the canonical =/= to canon but this is a genuine and interesting question what about make off/anthology books like where does the line lay (especially on things that aren’t originally books) the silmarillion is definitely canon but is huyrule história or creating a champion (both books about the legend of Zelda that explain a bunch of things that were not super clear from the games) canon? I and a lot of the Zelda fandom think so (not that it matters much it’s legend of Zelda but anyway) but you can absolutely say something similar to your argument of those two books being something that people who have played all Zelda games don’t even really know exist even though it’s not the same as a tweet by the writers

I can't give you a straight answer to this, because this has been a point of discussion in fandoms since time immemorial.

I mean, fandom's use of the word "canon" comes directly from the Catholic Church and other branches of Christianity using it to describe what religious texts officially count as part of their religion, and there's been two thousand years of arguments on that front.

The line between canon and word of god is fuzzy. At the extreme end, you can argue that direct sequels to something aren't canon to the original work, because the sequel wasn't written at the same time as the original.

There are fandoms where there are so many official stories written by so many authors with little to no oversight that the fandom's general rule tends to be "pick and choose what you want to be canon".

Ultimately, while an author can declare what is an isn't canon, and a fandom can come to a consensus on what is and isn't canon, where the line falls is up for you to decide.

If there is a line at all. You could even argue that a guidebook like Hyrule Historia is, at once, both canon and a case of word of god at the same time, because it's both officially published and a bunch of story decisions made outside of the original story after the fact.

[princessnijireiki]

just saw Yet Another post saying fanfiction is often better written, researched, and edited than professional, published books... READ BETTER BOOKS??? hello???

and that same person was like "well you can't say fic relies on readers' familiarity & fondness for pre-established characters bc I'VE read & enjoyed fic for shows I don't even WATCH," as if 1) the writing that they like IS NOT ITSELF reliant on pre-established characters & settings... the fic author did not do all the same work as original prose writers have to do! what YOU like as a reader was not. the point.

and then 2) I've said FOR YEARS if you WERE putting in that kind of legwork, worldbuilding, characterization, research, etc, if what you've then crafted is original (if derivative) fiction inspired by a piece of media you like, then by all means pull a damn 50 shades of mortal instruments & get your money & get in the wind— just know that there is quite literally a LEGAL line dividing "you are USING other people's work, we cannot publish this," and, "yeah, you did enough work that legally you're in the clear, even if you've still blatantly written a rip-off."

like not including derivative works based off properties in the public domain, one of the MANY reasons that fanfiction is not "real" literature is you have to write enough genuinely original content that people like anne rice & jk rowling & the walt disney company can't SUE your publisher's pants off, and in some cases prove that you did it. it's legally not "real" writing that you can sell or even loan out at the library for free if someone else has a legal claim to it.

and this is even before you touch on, does your story hold up to proofreading? does your research hold up under scrutiny? do you have the mental & emotional maturity for editing when your editor makes you cut out your self indulgences? do you have the stomach to hear no? to go without praise or positive reader engagement lmao? to see your name in negative reviews? to change your "art" if you need to to make a living? to work WITH others, even if you hate their fucking guts, even if they'll be critical & "mean," because you aren't the only writer in the comic book, the magazine, the anthology, the publishing house?

fanfiction can be great. it can be beautiful. fic writers can be just as talented— in terms of creative potential— as a professional author. by nature of their lack of professional experience, critical experience, vetted research experience, and hands-on experience editing & being edited, those same fic writers will never be as skilled at their craft as the people who actually do all of those steps & alllllllll of that shit for a living instead of hobbyists doing the creative equivalent of paint-by-numbers.

even if you choose to ignore the outline of the original art provided to you, you still had it as a resource to riff off of... you still have the provided, pre-mixed paints. and you are not & will never be the original artist. and if you were on the level of that original artist, you wouldn't have carried your ass to michael's & fished the paint by numbers kit out of the children's craft supply discount bin in the first place.

[notbecauseofvictories]

Hi Sarah! My friend and I are starting a bookclub (as much as you can with two people who aren't pressed for deadlines) and I was wondering if you have any recommendations? (That is if you have time to rec anything!) We're starting off with Deathless and have Fitzgerald next in line somewhere but I def want to try to expand the genres we read and tbh from years of following you, I trust your judgement

I don’t...like giving recommendations? At least not directly, it seems like too much opportunity for getting it wrong. Everybody has their own tastes, after all, and even the best of friends don’t necessarily vibe with what you vibe with. (I’ve experienced this with multiple friends, so I know what I’m talking about.) Truly, one of the reasons that my whole “I’m going to get back into reading for pleasure!” push has been so successful is that I only bother with books that interest me, and stop reading when they fail to catch my attention.

But I’ve now read at least 60 books in 2020, which is approximately 60 more than I’ve read in the years prior, so I’m happy to share that. Below is my list of recent reads, beginning to end, along with a very short review---I keep this list in the notes app on my phone, so they have to be. Where I’ve talked about a book in a post, I’ve tried to link to it. 

Peruse, and if something catches your interest I hope you enjoy!

2020 Reading List

Crazy Rich Asians series, Kevin Kwan (here)

Blackwater, Michael McDowell (here; pulpy horror and southern gothic in one novel; come for the monster but stay for the family drama.)

Fire and Hemlock, Diane Wynne Jones (here; weird and thoughtful, in ways I’m still thinking about)

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn (here; loved it! I can see why people glommed onto it)

Swamplandia!, Karen Russell (unfinished, I could not get past the first paragraph; just....no.)

Rules of Scoundrels series, Sarah MacLean (an enjoyable romp through classic romancelandia, though if you read through 4 back to back you realize that MacLean really only writes 1 type of relationship and 1 type of sexual encounter, though I do appreciate insisting that the hero go down first.)

The Bear and the Nightingale, Katherine Arden (here)

Dread Nation, Justine Ireland (great, put it with Stealing Thunder in terms of fun YA fantasy that makes everything less white and Eurocentric)

The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson (VERY good. haunting good.)

Tell My Horse, Zora Neale Hurston (I read an interesting critique of Hurston that said she stripped a lot of the radicalism out of black stories - these might be an example, or counterexample. I haven't decided yet.)

The Rose MacGregor Drinking and Admiration Society, T. Kingfisher (fun!)

St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, Karen Russell (some of these short stories are wonderful; however, Swamplandia's inspiration is still unreadable, which is wild.)

17776, Jon Bois (made me cry. deeply human. A triumph of internet storytelling)

The Girl with All the Gifts, M. R. Carey (deeply enjoyable. the ending is a bittersweet kick in the teeth, and I really enjoyed the adults' relationships)

The Door in the Hedge and Other Stories, Robin McKinley (enjoyable, but never really resolved into anything.)

The Hero and the Crown, Robin McKinley (fun, but feels very early fantasy - or maybe I've just read too many of the subsequent knock-offs.)

Mrs. Caliban, Rachel Ingalls (weird little pulp novel.)

All Systems Red, Martha Wells (enjoyable, but I don't get the hype. won't be looking into the series unless opportunity arises.)

A People's History of Chicago, Kevin Coval (made me cry. bought a copy. am still thinking about it.)

The Sol Majestic, Ferrett Steinmetz (charming, a sf novel mostly about fine dining)

House in the Cerulean Sea, TJ Klune (immensely enjoyable read, for all it feels like fic with the serial numbers filed off)

The Au Pair, Emma Rous (not bad, but felt like it wanted to be more than it is)

The Night Tiger, Yangsze Choo (preferred this to Ghost Bride; I enjoy a well-crafted mystery novel and this delivered)

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula Le Guin (unfinished, I cannot fucking get into Le Guin and should really stop trying)

The Ghost Bride, Yangsze Choo (enjoyable, but not nearly as fun as Ghost Bride - the romance felt very disjointed, and could have used another round of editing)

Temptation's Darling, Johanna Lindsey (pure, unadulterated id in a romance novel, complete with a girl dressing as a boy to avoid detection)

Social Creature, Tara Isabella Burton (a strange, dark psychological portrait; really made a mark even though I can't quite put my finger on why)

The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins (slow at first, but picks up halfway through and builds nicely; a whiff of Gone Girl with the staggered perspectives building together)

Stealing Thunder, Alina Boyden (fun Tortall vibes, but set in Mughal India)

The Traitor Baru Cormorant; The Monster Baru Commorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, Seth Dickinson (LOVE this, so much misery, terrible, ecstatic; more here)

This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone (epistolary love poetry, vicious and lovely; more here)

The Elementals, Michael McDowell

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir (didn't like this one as much as I thought I would; narrator's contemporary voice was so jarring against the stylized world and action sequences read like the novelization for a video game; more here)

Finna, Nino Cipri (a fun little romp through interdimensional Ikea, if on the lighter side)

Magic for Liars, Sarah Gailey (engrossing, even if I could see every plot twist coming from a mile away)

Desdemona and the Deep, C. S. E. Cooney (enjoyed the weirdness & the fae bits, but very light fare)

A Blink of the Screen, Terry Pratchett (admittedly just read this for the Discworld bits)

A Memory Called Empire, Arkady Martine (not as good about politics and colonialism as Baru, but still a powerful book about The Empire, and EXTREMELY cool worldbuilding that manages to be wholly alien and yet never heavily expositional)

Blackfish City, Sam J. Miller (see my post)

Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan (didn't finish, got to to first explicit sex scene and couldn't get any further)

Prosper's Demon, KJ Parker (didn't work for me...felt like a short story that wanted to be fleshed out into a novel)

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

His Majesty's Dragon, Naomi Novik (extremely fun, even for a reader who doesn't much like Napoleonic stories)

Three Parts Dead, Max Gladstone (fun romp - hard to believe that this is the same author as Time War though you can see glimmers of it in the imagery here)

A Scot in the Dark, Sarah MacLean (palette cleanser, she does write a good romance novel even it's basically the same romance novel over and over)

The Resurrectionist, E. B. Hudspeth (borrowed it on a whim one night, kept feeling like there was something I was supposed to /get/ about it, but never did - though I liked the Mutter Museum parallels)

Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang (he's a better ideas guy than a writer, though Hell Is The Absence of God made my skin prickle all over)

Gods of Jade and Shadow, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fun, very much a throwback to my YA days of fairytale retellings, though obviously less European)

Four Roads Cross, Max Gladstone (it turns out I was a LOT more fond of Tara than I initially realized - plus this book had a good Pratchett-esque pacing and reliance on characterization)

Get in Trouble, Kelly Link (reading this after the Chiang was instructive - Link is such a better storyteller, better at prioritizing the human over the concept)

Gods Behaving Badly, Marie Phillips

Soulless; Changeless; Blameless, all by Gail Carriger (this series is basically a romance novel with some fantasy plot thrown in for fun; extremely charming and funny)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf, Marlon James (got about 1/3 of the way through and had to wave the white flag; will try again because I like the plot and the worldbuilding; the tone is just so hard to get through)

Pew, Catherine Lacey (a strange book, I'm still thinking about it; a good Southern book, though)

Nuremberg Diary, GM Gilbert (it took me two months to finish, and was worth it)

River of Teeth, Sarah Gailey (I wanted to like this one a lot more than I actually did; would have made a terrific movie but ultimately was not a great novel. Preferred Magic for Liars.)

Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (extremely fun, though more trippy than Gods and the plot didn't work as well for me - though it was very original)

The New Voices of Fantasy, Peter S. Beagle (collected anthology, with some favorites I've read before Ursula Vernon's "Jackalope Wives", "Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers" "The Husband Stitch"; others that were great new finds "Selkie Stories are for Losers" from Sofia Satamar and "A Kiss With Teeth" from Max Gladstone and "The Philosophers" from Adam Ehrlich Sachs)

[browneyedmissy]

JV Childhood: Part I

Summary: Jackie wished they would all just stop staring.

Author's Note: So this is the first part in my mini anthology for Open Heart. I've been saying a lot that we need to be telling the stories all the characters who are BIPOC because there is so much depth to those stories to explore. This first part of Jackie's childhood and part two is her adolescent years, up through high school.

Day Two of @choicescocappreciationweek!

Thanks goes out to @somewillwin. I asked her some of her headcanons for Jackie and I used it to help me write!

Her first experience of true hate was when she was nine.

She remembered her parents whispering in the living room, her mother’s voice trembling as Jackie sat in the living room with her siblings, partly distracted by the cartoons on the TV.

She hadn't really understood why her mother was so stressed out at the time. Her teachers had the same nervous energy and when she went down to their family store, all of the customers were walking with their head down. Even their employee Tom's smile did not quite meet his eyes and he kept glancing at the TV which had been playing the news.

“Jaikalina, Avi.”

She looked up from the table where she was finishing her homework to see her mother with her purse in her hand.

“I'm going to lock the door and go to the store. You're not allowed to open it for anyone, alright? Avi, you're in charge. Dev and Anika are both asleep."

“Isn’t Tom working?”

“He quit, Jaikalina.” She pursed her lips at her daughter, finding the right words in her head. “It’s… complicated but he’s scared. And I don’t blame him.”

“What happened?”

“I’ll explain later, beta.” Her mother pressed a kiss to her forehead before shrugging on her coat. “I’ll be back.”

Avi watched their mother go with a scowl on his face.

"Tom quit because he doesn't want to be associated with us. Don't let her sugarcoat it for you." He said cooly to Jackie. She turned to him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

He looked at his little sister with a look of annoyance and a little bit of fear?

"It means that life is going to be different for us, behan. You'll see it soon enough." He went to his room and slammed the door behind him without another word.

-

Jackie was sitting on the couch when her mother finally got home. Avi hadn't come down the rest of the night and after finishing her homework Jackie had turned on TV to distract herself.

“You’re still awake, beta.” She said in surprise.

“Yes. And you told me you would explain later. It’s later now.”

In the dim light, Jackie could see the exhaustion in her mother’s still beautiful face. She gave her a sad smile before gesturing to the dining table. Jackie hopped down and sat across her mother who was focused on a spot on the table.

“You’ve always been straight to the point.” Her mother said sadly. “And I suppose you’re old enough to hear this and I want you to hear it from me before anyone else. Tom was scared because of the things that have been happening to our neighbors and people like us. Do you remember when the airplanes crashed? Well, the men who did it were of Islam and they didn’t like a lot of what America was doing.”

She thought about the moment she saw the planes hit the towers. “But those people are all innocent. And we didn’t do anything. The people who did that are not even our people.”

"But we look enough like them."

She frowned, remembering how her friend Vera had missed a few days of school.

"They hate us because of how we look." Her mother sighed. "We look like the enemy to them."

"That's not fair."

Her mother gave her a weary smile. "No, it's not. But our safety is most important, Jaikalina. I need you to go by your American names for now."

Jackie frowned.

"For how long, maan?"

Her mother didn't answer.

-

She remembered leaving the town about a year later. Despite having better prices and better variety than a lot of the other convenience stores, there had been less and less people coming in. It was mostly her parents' friends stopping by at one point but when it was declared that the country had gone to war, they were afraid too.

Avi had found himself getting trouble with the school. She couldn't understand why he had been so angry since that night but their parents had agreed that they needed new scenery.

So she found herself in a new place, right after the new year. Her father had found accounting work until they could afford to rent a storefront and her mother was working a secretarial job for a local nonprofit.

She felt the eyes of her classmates on her and she nervously tugged at her skirt in her new 5th grade classroom. Her mother had insisted that she dress proper for her first day of her new school and she felt like one of those kids at a snobby rich private school.

"This is Jaikalina-"

"I go by Jackie, actually." She corrected her teacher, remembering what her mother had said. Her classmates stared at her and one of them raised her hand.

"Where are you from?"

"We- we moved here from New Jersey-"

"No, but where are you actually from?"

She stared at the girl for a moment, unsure how to answer that question. Their teacher gave the girl a look and she put her hand down.

"We don't ask people questions like that, Hannah."

"Yes, teacher." Hannah said with a sacharrine smile. "I'm sorry for being rude, Jackie."

Jackie suddenly realized why her brother got into fights. She stood there frozen for a moment, before her teacher directed her to her seat and she stared blankly at the chalkboard.

She got her lunch from her backpack after morning classes and followed the rest of her classmates to the lunch tables. Jackie sat down at a table and pulled out leftovers from the night before.

"I don't want to sit next to her." Hannah, the girl from before said in a loud voice. "Her food smells and my parents say that people who look like her are terrorists."

Terrorist.

She had heard that word coming from the TV, describing the men who had flown the planes into the towers. She stared at the girl who had used the word and was shocked to see the amount of hate in her eyes.

She simultaneously wanted to cry and scream as the eyes of her classmates turned to them. There were pitying looks in some of their faces but none of them seemed to be willing to say anything. She turned back to Hannah who had a confident smirk on her face and Jackie had the urge to slap it off.

Then, a jolt of fear trickled through her bones.

If she hit her, will they label her as a terrorist? Would she get in trouble like Avi and be labeled a bad kid?

"Well, people who say things like you do because of the color of my skin are bullies." Jackie finally said. "And probably racist too."

There was an oooh from one of the other students and a few of them cheered. Hannah narrowed her eyes.

"You better watch yourselves around this one. She'll backstab you for her country." She retorted as she walked away.

Her country? She was born here, in the United States…

She was still thinking about it when she got home with her brother and younger siblings later that day. Her brother let out a big sigh and dropped his backpack on the ground before plopping on the couch. Jackie looked at him, her backpack still on.

"I think I finally understand why you got into those fights, bhai." Jackie said.

Avi looked at her with a wry smile. "I'm sorry to hear that. I hoped you'd be spared that a little longer."

Jackie sat down on the couch next to him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"The people at my school here- they put me in some of the 'lower' classes because they saw my old record. The kids in my class are mostly like us. I think the only black and Hispanic kids are in my class but they get it. They get the stuff we're going through."

"It's not fair."

"Naw, it's not behan. It will probably never be fair for us." Avi sighed. "I just hope that you'll be able to do better than I will. It's too late for me."

Jackie frowned. "You're only in high school."

"Yeah, I'm already in high school. It's going to be hard for me to get into college when the classes I'm taking aren't considered rigorous. I was never as into school as you were anyways. I'll probably go to community college for a while and then find a job. You though, Jaks, have time and you're smarter than I am."

"I can't believe your path is basically decided by the time you're 15."

He let out a humorless laugh. "A lot of your path is decided before you're even born."

-

"Jackie, wait. I want you to take this letter to your parents."

She froze, eyeing her teacher warily. She had mostly kept her head down in school, ignoring Hannah and focusing on her schoolwork. She didn't really have any friends, perse but she didn't mind. She had found a renewed interest in reading and instead of playing with her classmates, she would find a tree to sit and read at.

"I didn't do anything." She denied immediately, crossing her arms. Her teacher looked at her in surprise and her face twitched into a sad smile.

"I know, sweetheart. Just give this to them, okay?"

Jackie stared at the envelope and before grabbing it, stuffing it haphazardly into her backpack. When she got home, she slapped the letter on the table.

"What's this, behan?" Avi asked curiously from the kitchen. He had heated up some of the samosas from dinner the night before and was snacking on one as Jackie dropped her bag on the table.

"Something for mom and dad. Teacher wants me to give it to them."

Her brother took the envelope and opened it up. Scanning the letter, he looked up at his sister with a grin.

"Your teacher wants you to enter the advanced classes when you go to junior high. You have to take a test and if you pass, you can take them."

Jackie's face lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah." He ruffled her head. "I'm proud of you, Jaks."

-

"You'll be okay without me."

Jackie looked up at her brother. The summer before she went into junior high, he took a few classes over the summer and when school started again his grades had been much better than before.

So much so that when he graduated high school two years later, he had surprised everyone by telling them he was moving away and starting college in the fall. He had gotten accepted in a state school a few hours away. He hadn't decided what he was studying yet but the tuition was cheap and he had applied on a whim since his grades had improved.

"You'll start out high school right and I know you'll know what you want to do by the time you go to college. You'll be able to go to any school you want and you'll be the famous Varma, I know it."

"I'll miss you. Do you have to go?"

He laughed. "I'll miss you too. Take care of yourself and Dev and Ani too, okay?"

At the sound of their names, Dev and Anika, who had just turned 8 and 6, came forward and each grabbed one of her hands.

"Bye bye Avi. I'll miss you." Anika said quietly.

"Bye, Ani." He got on the bus and waved at them until the bus was too far away for them to see anymore.

[thehorrortree]

Deadline: April 1st, 2024 Payment: $10 and a contributors copy Theme: The kiddos are ready for their night of mischief and mayhem as the evening of Trick 'r Treating gets started. Write a horror story that takes place on Halloween night and centers around a child/children visiting the neighborhood's houses. The horror element can be from either angle: either there is something spooky going on in the house or with the child/children. Location details below Deadline: April 1st, 2024 at 11:59pm CST Length: 2,000-6,000 words Format: Must be submitted as a Google Doc file which must have terrorcorepublishing@gmail.com as an owner with editing turned on. You will provide the shareable link in the form upon submission. Use only one tab and do not use spaces to start a new paragraph. Do not write "The End" at the end of the story. In the header, please include the following: 1) your name, 2) the title of the story, and 3) the word count of the story. Submissions that do not follow these guidelines will not be read. The title of your story cannot include "Doors of Darkness" in it or the house number. Eligibility: If you were published in the first volume of Doors of Darkness, please note that this is not a continuation of what happened on Fern Street. There should be absolutely no connections to characters from that volume. Compensation: Selected authors will receive (1) contributor mass market paperback copy of the anthology as well as a one-time payment of $10. The $10 may be used in order to purchase additional author copies to be shipped at the same time as the complimentary contributor copy. The $10 will buy up to an additional 2 copies of the book. Please refer to the chart below:  Printed Copies Compensation 1 Copy $10 2 Copies $5 3 Copies $0 For additional author copies beyond the compensation value, you will be given a special code to use in the Terrorcore Publishing store in order to get your author copies at the printing cost plus shipping. International Submissions: While Terrorcore Publishing loves receiving submissions from international writers, the truth is that is very costly to ship items across the world. At this time, we ask that if you are international (outside of the U.S.A.) that you provide the difference. Terrorcore will pay at most $10 to ship the contributor copy and anything in excess will need to be covered by the author. In lieu of shipping the item, international writers can receive $15 (which is the standard commission + the cost of the one copy you would have received).  Rights: The author will retain all rights to their story. It can be published elsewhere in full. The publisher will not keep said rights nor prevent the author from selling their story elsewhere. However, it is important to note that after the author is selected if they choose to publish it elsewhere they need to ensure with that publisher that they aren't getting sole rights to the story and that Terrorcore will have the right to continue to publish it in this anthology, as well as future "best of" anthologies, if any come about. Style: Set in the 1980s or has a 1980s vibe. Genre: Horror. Any kind. It can be paranormal, slasher, psychological, mystery, thriller, etc. There is no such thing as TOO FAR for this anthology. Prompt: The kiddos are ready for their night of mischief and mayhem as the evening of Trick 'r Treating gets started. Write a horror story that takes place on Halloween night and centers around a child/children visiting the neighborhood's houses. The horror element can be from either angle: either there is something spooky going on in the house or with the child/children. Setting: The neighborhood is to be kept vague but will be somewhat North Eastern USA. You should NOT name the neighborhood and any reference should be to "the Neighborhood". You will need to pick a house number from the map below. If your story is tied precisely to that location/number then that should be indicated in the submission

form as there may be a need to move stories around in the editing phase and the preference is to give it to the story that needs it more. Map: Your story must take place at a location on the map. As such, you are allowed to make references to other locations and houses on the map, but those items are subject to change within the editing phase. You should keep references to neighbors to a minimum as those too will need to be cohesive with the other short stories. If you are using the address in a sentence, please abbreviate Street to "St." and if you're just vaguely referring to the street, then spell it out. For example: "I live at 13 Pike St." vs "Do you want to go to Pike Street?" This year, the horrific street will pay homage to Christopher Pike and the horror stories he has created. Therefore, we will welcome Trick or Treaters to Pike Street. PHASES Selection Phase: Stories are estimated to be selected by May 15th, 2023. This timeline may change depending on the number of submissions received. Editing Phase: Selected stories must agree that they will be able to participate in an editing phase where a small reference to a neighbor and/or neighborhood will be weaved in. This is done to make the stories feel as if they exist in the same space, which we believe is what makes the Doors of Darkness anthologies unique and special. The editing phase is estimated to occur during May-July 2024. Proofing Phase: Proofs will be done in July 2024. Preorder Phase: Preorders will go live in August 2024. Publication Phase: The tentative publication date is Tuesday, October 1st, 2024. Link to form if the submission box below is not working. A valid Google Account will be required! If you do not have any way to use Google, please reach out on Instagram and we can discuss another option. Via: Terrorcore Publishing.