#and an incredibly awkward photo of my parents from around the time they got engaged

[violasmirabiles]

ok i lied. one picture cos it makes me laugh how much this space here looks like "heres where id put my tv if i had a tv". im gonna put some pictures on that wall eventually. like big and framed. posters. the aladdin sane cover one because obviously and that blue/purple pyramid thing that came with the pink floyd dark side of the moon 30th anniversary vinyl edition. well see.

apartment update: still no pictures cos everythings still Ass but that old desk of my sister in laws thats very nice and all but kind of on the way is gon a go to my old room in my parents house. and in its place im gonna get my old bookshelf from my old room. in my parents house

[early2000smovieimagines]

Meeting and Dating Ahkmenrah

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(This movie was my childhood. Brings back so many good memories ...and crushes.)

- You’d worked at quite a few museums in your day but none of them were quite like the Museum of Natural History; a fact you’d be made aware of very suddenly and without warning.

- You were somewhat new to the building, hired to do work on the exhibits since you were skilled in restoration and design. You weren’t a night worker, at least you weren’t supposed to be, but you’d accidentally dropped something as you were leaving your office and were forced to stay late to clean it up.

- After a few moments of sweeping, you’d heard a commotion upstairs and as you went to leave the museum; and investigate, you’d walked straight into the beautiful chaos of a night at the museum.

- Let’s just say that Larry had a lot to explain, all of which you took surprisingly well; though you didn’t have much of a choice now did you?

- Ahkmenrah spotted you from across the museum and watched as you made your way around the new magical world, staring at every person and thing in awe. He spied on you throughout the night and found that when he’d finally thought it appropriate to approach you, the sun was already beginning to rise.

- So the next day, he asks Larry about you, pretending as though he’s asking for no reason at all. Larry knowingly offers to introduce the two of you and the mummy drops the act, eagerly accepting.

“I’d like that very much, yes.”

- Larry approaches you with the sparkling pharaoh and is soon called away by someone else, leaving the two of you alone to speak. Ahkmenrah motions over to a bench nearby, commenting that it “must be a lot to get used to” as you both take a seat. You laugh in agreement and before you know it, the two of you are engaged in a conversation.

- Ahkmenrah’s sweet, he’s charming, he’s handsome, and he’s quite enamored with you; though you don’t know that just yet.

- Soon enough, it’s time for the sun to rise and he takes notice, begrudgingly standing and admitting that he “must say goodbye”. You respond with a somewhat disappointed goodbye yourself, watching as he begins to walk away before he turns and says “I should like to see you tomorrow ...to continue our conversation” to which you happily agree.

- The two of you become close fairly quickly. Anytime he spots you in a room, he makes a beeline towards you; both because he really likes you and because he’s somewhat awkward himself.

- He always likes being there for you, considering you’re new and not used to all that history coming to life stuff. He takes pride in being your guide and sort of likes the feeling of you depending on him a bit.

- Your “friendship” takes an obvious romantic turn, particularly; and outwardly, on his side; I say “friendship” because it was probably somewhat obvious from that he liked you more than that even from the beginning.

- He compliments you, oftentimes earnestly and quietly calling you beautiful, uses any excuse to touch you and your clothes, etc. He awes you with talks of Egypt and sweeps you off your feet quite easily. It’s really only a matter of time before the two of you get together.

- That “time” comes one day as you’re both sitting all alone. The room is dark and warmly lit and you’re sitting so close that his knees are touching yours. His hands hold yours as he speaks quietly to you and your face is leaned in close so that you can hear him.

- And then it just happens, your faces close in and you kiss, his grasp tightening around your hands.

- You’re interrupted by one of the others, most likely Larry who quickly apologizes and mentions something about the sun coming up before leaving the two of you be. Ahkmenrah turns back to you, saying something along the lines of “so we must once again say goodbye” with a small smile.

“It would appear so.” You respond, though you’re hesitant to move from your place. But alas, the sun has to rise and you have to go home.

“Tomorrow then,” He smiles at you, giving your hand one last squeeze. “...My queen.”

- You leave that morning, eager for the daylight to go and for you to be reunited with your newfound lover once more.

- Ahkmenrahs from ancient Egypt so I’m sure he isn’t particularly accustomed to “normal” Pda. That being said, he is somewhat dorky and practically has an entire hall to himself so he either just gives you innocent pda or the two of you go to his exhibit; and not have to worry about anyone seeing you.

- He’s been locked up in a sarcophagus for about fifty years; or more, so he’s arguably a bit touch starved. He’s always trying to touch you in some way and absolutely loves it whenever you touch him.

- He likes holding both your hands in his, occasionally bringing one of them to his lips. He just likes touching your hands in general if we’re being honest.

- Gentle caresses. He’s in love, leave him alone.

- Forehead and cheek kisses. He likes prolonging the amount of time his lips spend on your skin; a normal prolonged amount of time of course.

- Long, soft kisses.

- Loving makeout sessions. His hands roam your back and pull you in as close as they can whenever you have one.

- He likes laying between your legs and/or resting his head in your lap.

- Cuddling with your arms wrapped around each other and your head resting against his shoulder. He likes laying and talking with you, playing with the fingers that lay on his chest.

- Having his robes draped over and around you.

- He likes having you with him at all times, both because he’s protective of you and because he can’t bear to be away from you for more than a few hours.

- You’ll usually hang back and cling to his arm whenever you’re standing together. He likes feeling your presence at his side and the light grip you have on him.

- A bit clingy. He only gets to see you at night and has been alone for quite some time, of course he’s gonna want to be around you as much as possible.

- He always gets somewhat flustered when you give him gifts; particularly sweet things like flowers. You would have sworn you’d given him your underwear with the way he smiles and blushes in response.

- Ahkmenrah was the favorite son so he was a bit spoiled as a child. That being said, he’s surprisingly humble and sweet for a pharaoh that was given the best of everything.

- He’s probably teared up a little because of you at some point, whether it be your actions or just the fact that you’re there with him. He can get a bit emotional at times.

- Dancing together. We all saw how beautifully that man can move.

- Sneaking him out every once in a while. He really likes your apartment; even if you’re sort of embarrassed because he’s a literal pharaoh and lived in a temple when he was alive.

- Movie dates. They’re the easiest thing to do with him and he’s missed out on pretty much all of them so he’s got a lot of catching up to do.

- Listening to music together.

- Considering his time at Cambridge and just the way he is, he may or may not wax poetic about or at you on occasion. He gets a little embarrassed when he realizes that he’s doing it but it’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard/seen.

- Compliments and lots of them; usually paired with a term of endearment.

- He uses a lot of pet names on you, usually somewhat old fashioned ones. My dear, my sun, my queen, etc.

- He’s the cutest when posing for photos. He tries to look all regal in the beginning but it quickly dissolves into the adorable dorkiness that you know so well.

- The boy is lovestruck. He could sit and watch you do nothing with this look of unwavering love on his face for hours. Need to do some work? Thats totally fine. He’ll just sit there and love you.

- Please let him braid your hair. There’s just something that’s so relaxing and sweet about it to him.

- He has a hard time saying no to you. You’re his queen after all, you should have everything you could ever dream of; and he’s just too sweet to deny nearly anyone.

- Polite and respectful, Ahkmenrah is a gentleman with incredibly good manners. You’ll never be disappointed in his behavior.

- Helping Larry and him take care of the museum and tablet.

- Teaching him about all he’s missed.

- Always having a translator. He certainly comes in handy when you’re traveling around the museum and run into some “hostile” exhibits.

- Getting quietly and excitedly told a bunch of stories. He’s always so adorably eager to tell you about his life; whether it be about Ancient Egypt or more present times.

- He wants to introduce you to his parents so badly; though he’s somewhat embarrassed by them. Maybe you’ll transfer to the London museum for a bit?

- Getting bragged about. He always makes you sound cooler than you really are, though in your case, that’s just how he sees you.

- Stopping him from making morbid comments; oftentimes at the wrong time, or just giving him a look. He’s got a sort of different view on what’s exactly an acceptable thing to say.

“Too dark?”

- Sharing looks and making comments to each other.

- He’s always so gentle and caring with you; especially when you’re hurt or upset. He prides himself on being by your side and taking care of you.

- He’s a fairly patient person; especially with you. I mean, he’s had to wait a lot more than a few years to be let out of his sarcophagus so one can assume that he’d be good at that sort of thing.

- He’s not a terribly jealous person. Arguably, if you choose to be in a difficult relationship with a mummy, then you obviously want that relationship, right? He’s loyal and he expects you to be as well; that’s how it was in his times.

- That being said: if someone shows interest in you then he’ll get a bit jealous; though he’ll save his real jealousy for when he gets to see how you respond to them and how they respond to him making it known that you’re together.

- The museum can certainly get a bit dangerous at times; and he can only be there for you when you’re there, so of course he’ll be protective of and worry about you. He looks out for you and tells you to be careful every time you’re saying goodbye.

- The two of you hardly ever fight or argue, you’re just compatible with each other; and you rarely have the time to do so anyway. Plus, your pharaoh doesn’t have a mean bone in his body and lives to please you, so why would he try to fight with you?

- If he’s somehow done something; which is highly unlikely, he’ll apologize the minute that he realizes he’s upset you or thinks that he has. He’ll give you space if you want or need it and welcomes you back with open arms when you’re ready.

- If you’ve upset him then he’ll do his best to give you the silent treatment and act professional with you; not quite cold but not loving like he usually is. He’ll do so until you apologize and he cracks, shyly accepting your apology and reverting back to his sweet self.

- Lots of I love yous. You’re his queen, what do you expect?

- Your relationship is certainly going to be a bit challenging, but the happiness and love you feel with each other is worth it.

[davidmann95]

Superman & Lois Pilot Script Review

I’ve been reliably informed that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and indeed as my laptop and everything on it have been unusable for a couple months after a mishap, I went from ‘maybe I’ll write something on the pilot script for Superman & Lois’ to ‘as soon as I can get my hands back on that thing I’m writing something up’. I’m actually surprised none of you folks asked about it when I’ve mentioned several times that I read it; I was initially hesitant, but I’ve seen folks discussing plot details on Twitter and their reactions on here, so I guess WB isn’t making much of a thing out of it. Entire pilots have leaked before and they just rolled with it, so I suppose that isn’t surprising. Anyway, the show’s been pushed back to next year, and also the world is literally sick and metaphorically (and also a little literally) on fire, so I thought this might be fun if anyone needs a break from abject horror. 

(Speaking of the world being on fire: while trying to offer a diversion amidst said blaze, still gonna pause for the moment to add to the chorus that if opening your wallet is a thing you can do, now most especially is a time to do it. I chipped in myself to the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, and even a casual look around here or Twitter will show people listing plenty of other organizations that need support.)

What I saw floating around was, if not a first draft, certainly not the final one given Elizabeth Tulloch later shared a photo of the cover for the final script crediting Lee Toland Krieger as the director rather than a TBD, but the shape of things is clearly in place. I’m going for a relative minimum of spoilers, though I’ll discuss a bit of the basic status quo the show sets up and vaguely touch on a few plot points, but if you want a simple response without risk of any story details: it’s very, very good. Clunky in the way the CW DC shows typically are, and some aspects I’m not going to be able to judge until the story plays out further, but it’s engaging, satisfying, and moreover feels like it Gets It more broadly than any other mass-media Superman adaptation to date.

The Good

* The big one, the pillar on which all else rests: this understands Lois and it really understands Clark. Lois isn’t at the center of the pilot’s arc, but she’s everything you want to see that character be - incisive, caring, and refusing to operate at less than 110% intensity with whatever she’s dealing with at any given time, the objections of others be damned. Clark meanwhile is a good-natured, good-humored dude who you can see in both the cape and the glasses even as those identities remain distinct, who’s still wrestling with his feelings of alienation and duty and how those now reflect his relationships with his children. The title characters both feel fully-formed and true to what historically tends to work best with them from day one here in ways I can’t especially say for any other movie or show they’ve starred in.

* While the suit takes a back seat for this particular episode, when Superman does show up in the opening and climax it absolutely knows how to get us to cheer for him; there’s more than one ‘hell yeah, it’s SUPERMAN, that guy’s the best!’ moment, and they pop.

* While the superheroics aren’t the biggest focus here, when they do arrive, the plan seems to be that they’ll be operating on an entirely different scale than the rest of the Arrowverse lineup. Maybe they scripted the ideal and’ll be pared-down come time for actual filming and effects work, or maybe they’re going all-out for the pilot, but the initial vision involves a massive super-rescue and a widescreen brawl that goes way, way bigger in scope than any I’m aware of on the likes of Supergirl. I heard in passing on Twitter from someone claiming to be in the know that the plan for Superman & Lois is that it’ll be fewer episodes with a higher budget, more in line with the DC Universe stuff if not exactly HBO Max ‘prestige TV’, and whether it’s true or not (I think it’s plausible, the potential ratings here are exponentially higher than anything else on the network so they’d want to put their best foot forward) they seem to be writing it as if that’s the idea.

* This balances its tones and ambitions excellently: it’s a Kent-Lane family drama, it’s Lois digging in with some investigative reporting to set up a major subplot, it’s Superman saving Metropolis and battling a powerful high-concept villain, and none of it feels like it’s banging up at awkward angles with the rest. There are a pair of throwaway lines in here so grim I can’t believe they were put in a script for a Superman TV show even if they don’t make it to air, and they in no way undermine the exhilaration once he puts on the cape or the warmth that pervades much of it. This feels as if it’s laying the groundwork for a Superman show that can tackle just about any sort of story with the character rather than planing its feet in one corner and declaring a niche, and so far it looks like it has the juice to pull it off.

* While the pilot doesn’t focus on him in the same way as the new kid, Jonathan Kent fits well enough for my tastes with the broad strokes of his personality from the comics, albeit if he had made it to 14 rather than 10 without learning about his dad being Superman. A pleasant, kinda dopey, well-meaning Superman Jr. - the biggest deviation, one I approve of, is that he can also kinda be a gleeful little shit when dealing with his brother in ways that remind you that this is very much also Lois Lane’s boy.

* We don’t know much about the season villain as of yet, but it’s an incredibly cool idea that I’m shocked that they’re going for right away, and I absolutely want to see how they play out as a character and how they’ll bounce off all the other major players.

* The way this seems to be framing itself in relation to the Superman movies and shows before it feels inspired to me: there are homages and shout-outs to and bits of conceptual scaffolding from Lois & Clark, Smallville, Donner, and more, but they’re all shown in ways that make it clear that those stories are part of his past rather than indicators of the baseline he’s currently operating off of. We get a retrospective of his and Lois’s history right off the bat with most of what you’d expect, and combined with those references the message is clear: this is a Superman who’s been through all the vague memories that you, prospective casual viewer, have of the other stuff you saw him in once upon a time, but this series begins the next phase of his life after what that general cultural impression of him to date covers. It strikes me as a good way of carrying over the goodwill of that nostalgia and iconography, while building in that this is a show with room to grow him beyond that into something more nuanced (and for that matter true to the character as the comics at their best have depicted him) than they tended towards. Where Superman Returns attempted to recapture the lightning in a bottle of an earlier vision of him in full, and Man of Steel tried to turn its back on anything that smelled of Old and Busted and Uncool entirely, perhaps this splitting of the difference - engaging with his pop culture history and visibly taking what appealed from some of those well-known takes, while also drawing a clear line in the sand between those as the past and this as the future - is what will finally engage audiences.

The Bad

* This is the sort of thing you have to roll with for a CW superhero show, and that lives and dies by the performances, but: the dialogue varies heavily. There are some really poignant moments, but elsewhere this is where it shows its early-draftiness; a decent amount is typical Whedon-poisoned quippiness or achingly blunt, and some of the ‘hey, we’re down with the kids!’ material for Jon, Jor, and Lana’s kid Sarah is outright agonizing. I suspect a lot of it will be fixed in minor edits, actor delivery, and hopefully the younger performers taking a brutal red pen to some of their material - this was written last January and the show’s now not debuting until next January, they’ve got plenty of time for cleanup - but if this sort of the thing has been a barrier to entry for you in the past with the likes of The Flash, this probably won’t be what changes your mind.

* There are a few charming shout-outs to other shows, but much moreso, Superman & Lois actually builds in a big way out of Crisis. Which is a-okay with me, except that what exactly that was is rather poorly conveyed given that lots of people will be giving this a spin with no familiarity with that. Fixable with a line or two, but important enough to be worth noting.

Have to wait and see how it plays out

* The series’ new kid, Jordan Kent, is so far promising with potential to veer badly off-course. He’s explicitly dealing with mental illness, and not on great terms with Clark at the beginning in spite of the latter’s best efforts, the notion of which I’m sure will immediately put some off. Ultimately the commonalities between father and son become clear, and he’s not written as a caricature in this opening but as a kid with some problems who’s still visibly his parents’ boy, but obviously the ball could be fumbled here in the long term.

* Lois’s dad is portrayed almost completely differently here than in the past in spite of technically still being her military dad who has some disagreements with her husband. There are some nice moments and interesting new angles but it seems possible that the groudwork is being laid for him to be Clark’s guy in the chair, and not only does he not need that he most DEFINITELY doesn’t need that to be a member of the U.S. Military, especially when one of the first and best decisions Supergirl made when introducing him was to make clear he had stopped working with the government any more than necessary years ago. Maybe it can be stretched if his dad-in-law occasionally calls him up to let him know about a new threat he’s learned about, and maybe they’ll even do something really interesting with that push-and-pull, but if Superman’s going to be even tacitly functioning as an extension of the military that’s going to be a foundational sin.

* As I was nervous about, Superman & Lois has some political flavor, but much to my delighted surprise, there’s no grossly out of touch hedge-betting in the way I understand Supergirl has gone for at times. As of the pilot, this is an explicitly leftie show, with the overarching threat of the season as established for Lois and Clark as reporters being how corporate America has stripmined towns like Smallville and manipulated blue collar workers into selling out their own best interests. Could that go wrong? Totally, there’s already an effort to establish a particular prominent right-wing asshole as capable of decency - without as of yet downplaying that he’s a genuinely shitty dude - and vague hints that some of the towns’ woes might be rooted more in Superman-type problems than Lois and Clark problems. But that they’re going for it this directly in the first place leaves me hopeful that the show won’t completely chicken out even if there’ll probably be a monster in the mix pulling a string or two; Greg Pak and Aaron Kuder’s Action Comics may justify Superman punching a cop by having him turn out to be a shadow monster so as to get past editorial, but it’s still a story about how sometimes Superman’s gotta punch a cop, and hopefully this can carry on in that spirit of using what wiggle room it has to the best of its ability.

So, so far so good. Could it end up a show with severe problems carried on the backs of Hoechlin and Tulloch’s performances? Absolutely. But thus far, the ingredients are there for all its potential problems to be either fixed, subverted, or dodged alright, and even when it surely fumbles the ball at junctures, I earnestly believe this is setting itself up to be the most fleshed-out, nuanced, engaging live-action take on these characters to date. And god willing, if so, the first real stepping stone in decades to proper rehab on Superman’s image and place in pop culture.

[bensakindofmagic]

Dad and His Son

so i wrote an au based on this post, because apparently i like to hurt myself. you can read it if you like to hurt yourself too. 

w/c: 1.8k

no warnings, just fluff 

A/N: this is an au in which roger is ben’s dad, and for the sake of ease/clarity/my laziness, his mum is a fictional woman. i didn’t want to get bogged down in research and step-parents and exploring those relationship cause this is just a light-hearted wee blurb. don’t get mad about it. right. that’s the admin done with. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine,” Ben said calmly, coming round to your side of the car as you got out and taking your hand in his considerably larger one. You took a deep breath, exhaling hard, as you took in the house before you. It had been intimidating from the end of the drive as it was slowly revealed behind the automatic gates, and as it grew before your eyes your pulse had started to quicken. It was beautiful, and enormous, and surrounded by fields and forests. You would have marvelled at its magnificence had you not been so nervous of what lay inside.

“Easy for you to say,” you muttered, disgruntled.

“It’s just my parents, and they’re going to love you, Y/N/N.”

Just his parents. Meeting the parents for the first time is hard enough, but when your boyfriend’s dad is Roger Fucking Taylor, that makes everything a little more tricky. Needless to say you were shitting a brick. 

He rang the doorbell, even though they had already buzzed you in through the gate, and what was supposed to be a steadying breath rattled in your chest. Ben squeezed your fingers. 

“Ben, darling!” his mum gushed, engulfing him in a hug. She managed to wrap him up entirely despite being significantly shorter than him.

“Mum,” he said, detaching himself from her after kissing her cheek, “This is my girlfriend, Y/N."

You smiled in your best impression of someone who’s not feeling horrifically awkward and contemplating a runner, “Hello Mrs Taylor.”

“Oh love, call me Jodie.” She smiled warmly and immediately pulled you into a hug. Ben grinned at you over her shoulder. “Come on in, lunch is nearly ready. Roger! They’re here!” she called into the house, bustling into the kitchen.

“After you,” Ben gestured, raising his eyebrows.

The house was massive, but beautifully light and spacious. A large staircase stood proudly in the middle of the hall, splitting the room and leading to the upstairs realm. Evidence of Queen’s rock-god days lay casually scattered everywhere, hiding in plain sight — framed gold discs were hung on the walls beside artworks, photos of the band were camouflaged between groups of children smiling giddily up from their frames. Conscious of not appearing nosy but wanting to see everything, you peered furtively through a half open door to see piles of old records surrounding an enormous speaker. 

“Come on,” Ben gestured with a nod of his head, “I’ll give you the tour later.”

You allowed him to rest his hand lightly on your lower back, anchoring you to him as you ventured into the kitchen/living room. 

Roger — that being Roger Taylor. Actual Roger Taylor — was sat in an armchair, idly flicking through the channels on the TV. He glanced at you over his shoulder, piercing blue eyes like ice as they caught you in their hooded stare. Ben may have got the green from his mother but the intensity of colour, the gaze that turns you into a puddle on the floor, that was all from his dad’s side. 

“Rog,” Ben’s mum admonished, “come and say hello.”

He stood slowly, and crossed the space between you: it seemed to take a lifetime. Your heart thumped loudly around your head, the sound bouncing between your ears with each step. 

“Dad, this is Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he said, testing the word on his tongue, and held out a hand to you. His skin was soft with age but still calloused in the places where his drumstick fit between his fingers. A smile hid beneath his moustache. “Ben’s told us a lot about you, but I see he didn’t mention how beautiful you are.” 

Your blush was ferocious. 

Ben scoffed, “Yeah, alright Dad. I know you still fancy yourself as a ladies’ man, but can you not flirt with my girlfriend please?”

“Well someone’s got to do it,” he mumbled, turning his attention over to his extensive wine rack. You laughed, incredulous, and Ben just rolled his eyes. 

You sat down for lunch and gratefully tucked into the beautiful food Ben’s mum had made, making sure to to compliment her and thank her for her hospitality. You were desperately careful, as images of knocking over wine glasses or sending plates crashing to the floor with your elbow flooded through you mind’s eye. Ben felt your tension and laid a palm on your knee under the table. 

He gave it a gentle squeeze and shot you a slight smile. 

“Are you keeping up your drumming, Ben?” Roger asked. 

His hummed his assent while he swallowed a mouthful, “Yeah, not as much as I’d like, what with work being so busy, but it’s a good stress reliever.” 

“Are you a musician, Y/N?” Jodie inquired.

“No, no I’m not. I’m a music lover, for sure, but I never learnt an instrument.”

“But she has an incredible voice,” Ben interjected. 

You fought a blush and admonished, “Given present company I think that’s something of an overstatement.” Roger chuckled; you felt a small glow of pride in your stomach. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, tell us about yourself. What do you do?” 

“Uh, I’m a film journalist. I actually met Ben to interview him for a piece.”

“So your thing is movies? Which is your favourite?” Roger asked.

You shook your head, “I can’t answer that, it’s like picking between your children.”

“That’s easy, Ben’s sister Rory, she’s the smart one.” His face was stoic but his glinting eyes betrayed him.

Ben grunted sarcastically, “Cheers Dad.”

Ben held conversation a lot of the time, knowing how nervous you were and how you struggled to make conversation with new people as it was. He talked you up wherever he found an opportunity and made it easy for you to engage. By the end of the meal some of your nerves had worn away and the gnawing in your belly was replaced with a satisfied fullness. Roger sat back, sated, and announced, “Alright Y/N, you get one question.”

You looked to Ben in confusion, “I’m sorry?”

“People are always dying to ask about Queen, and I like so you I’m going to give you one question. Make it a good one, mind, not just ‘what was Freddie like?’ Or ‘which is your favourite song?’”

“No pressure then,” you sighed. “Okay, who was best at scrabble?”

Roger laughed heartily. “Oh Brian, obviously. He got the highest score I’ve ever seen — it was ‘lacquers’ and he scored 168, the bastard. But Fred was a bit of a dark horse too. He used to just put one tile down and connect this here and that there and tot up all these points.” 

His eyes glazed as the memory played out in them. He gave a sad smile, cheeks dimpling with the weight of it. “Oh the adventures of life on the road.”

You got the tour of the house after lunch; Ben showed the studio and his old bedroom and you delighted in seeing his old photos in his room. You gasped, picking one up, “Oh my gosh, Ben, is this you?”

 A smiling Freddie Mercury was holding a blonde, rather pouty-looking baby.

“Yeah,” Ben smiled softly, “I never knew him properly, he died when I was still really young. But it’s pretty special to think that he knew me.”

There were more traces of Queen, and other rock ’n’ roll bands, around the room, posters and albums, and the drum kit in the corner bore the band’s logo. Photos chronicled his childhood, frequently featuring a much younger Roger. It was bizarre to you, to see that version of the man you recognised from your favourite band, holding a young boy who would grow up to become the love of your life. How strange, that those two strands of your life converged in the preserved bedroom of a teenage boy. 

“I didn’t know you were such a Queen fan, Ben. You don’t talk about it much.”

Ben shrugged, “I was a bit obsessed when I was a kid. Obviously I’m still so proud of Dad, and I love the music, but I guess I’ve toned it down a bit. I’m following my own path now, but back then I wanted to be just like him.”

His hand was sat limply in his pocket, so you threaded your arm through his and kissed his cheek. “I think it’s sweet.” 

“What do you think of them?”

“Your mum and dad? They’re lovely.”

“Not going to scare you off then?”

“Never,” you smiled. 

Back downstairs you offered to help Jodie with the washing up while Ben and Roger talked shop in the studio about some new drum kit or other. 

“You’re too good to them, letting them skip out on helping clear away,” you joked as you dried up. 

“Oh I wouldn’t usually,” Jodie mused, “but Rog likes it when Ben’s home. I think he misses the kids more than he cares to admit. But I hope that means you don’t let Ben get away with not doing his fair share!”

“Absolutely it does. He’s good about it though, you taught him well.” 

“I’m glad to hear it… You know, you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home to meet us,” she said, glancing at you. Your movements stilled. “I think he’s always been nervous about it. I suspect he was worried that they’d be intimidated by the whole thing, that his dad would scare them off. But he was very keen for us to meet you. He was most anxious that we make a good impression.”

Her words took you aback; you had been so worried about your own nerves that you’d barely stopped to consider his. When you came to think of it, there had been a slight tension in his shoulders, a hint of rambliness about the way he had spoken, as if he felt he had to fill the silences before they materialised.

Jodie continued, “You know, I thought you must be someone pretty special if he wanted us to meet you so badly. I’ve been very excited about it.” 

You smiled meekly, pressing your lips together, “I hope I didn’t let you down.”

“Oh of course not darling, it’s been a pleasure. And it’s very sweet to see you with Ben, he looks so happy with you. I think he’s quite smitten.”

You were spared your blushes by footsteps in the doorway and Ben came in, followed by Roger,  asking, “What are you two gossiping about? Already ganging up on me?” 

He slipped his arm around your waist and looked down fondly at you. 

“Hm, something like that,” you hummed, and returned Jodie’s knowing smile. 

He leant down to whisper in your ear, “I think they like you,” and nudged your cheek with his nose. 

Roger smiled, eyes sparkling, “Son, I’d say this one’s a keeper.”

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Boys & Girls (Sriracha, Part 40.)

Series description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Family life suited you both and what was better, this time it was going to work out for real.

A/N: And we are officially back in business with ma boi Jim. Also, greatly inspired by Jim Croce since Hopper really loved his music.

Warnings: Weepnig and whining messes on the end of the chapter.

Word count: 4K

Tagging: @nemodoren @missdictatorme @ysljordy @creedslove​ @hopperlover​

Series master list: H E R E

GIF SOURCE

Even if the things were slowly settling down, with you and Jim being definitely in the honeymoon phase again and not being engaged for some unknown reason, it still took some to make all the things right again. You needed to help Jim with making a new ID, you had quite a long scrum with the bank and authorities to even believe that Jim is really and Jim just for him to get a hold on his former conto with the money you both saved over the time. You didn't have access to the money since James was the account holder - but at the end of February, you finally were allowed to use the money and you started to look for a new home - it was incredibly awkward that you both had to live at your parents’ house no matter how many times your ma told you it’s fine.

Jim started to visit a therapist and group therapy sessions in a nearby town and so far, it was doing him justice. He felt better to know some more Vietnam veterans who've been through the same thing he was through - these men had gone through. He called his former colleague Rosario Delgado to ask her about her well being - it was almost ten years since the New York incident and she stopped sending him Christmas postcards. James was trying to get his life together; he wanted to sort everything out after almost twenty years. And he was doing good.

You proceeded to study at the university, still having your old part-time job at the bistro, being there at least three days a week. Jim’s salary of a police officer wasnt bad, not at all, but it still was a downgrade from his Chief salary. It wasn’t that you suddenly were on the edge of poverty, especially with your savings, but you felt the missing money - especially when you were looking for a flat in the downtown. But in the end, you hadn't settled down on a flat; you chose a small house which was still significantly closer to the downtown than the suburban houses.

It was nice - this wasn’t his trail or his cabin where he had already been moved in; this was the first time when you chose, paid, and started to live on a place together. This was the fresh start drawing a flat line behind the Hawkins Lab incident, behind Russia, behind both Vietnam and New York - with endless love, Jim was leaving Sara and Diane behind.

The first few weeks in the house were the best - you hadn't got any TV, any couch, not even a bed or a wardrobe. You had only one mattress on the floor where you were sleeping, a few kitchen appliances, boxed with all of your stuff, and an old gramophone. You couldn't count the running shower which was already there. When you weren't at work or school, you were painting the walls on your own since you didn't exactly have the money to pay a professional painter.

"This is supposed to be a pomelo orange? Are you sure about that? Haven't you took a different bucket on accident?" - Jim yelled at you while you were swabbing a room you decided to have a living room in. You stopped your work and swiped the sweat off your forehead, listening to Jim Croce’s Operator. You unpacked each of James’ Jim Croce vinyl records and moved it into your new place as well, usually listening to Croce while you were working.

James was looking healthier and healthier with each passing month - he gained a few pounds, you couldn't see his ribs anymore, he let his hair grow and his significant ’83 beard was back again. He was looking hot, especially in an unbuttoned shirt and a new Jim Croce shirt you ordered him for his name day - which was more than three months away, but you loved it so much that you couldn't stop yourself.

He was standing there looking at the wall, the orange paint was all over his body, but not on his shirt as he held the paint roller in his palm. Yeah, you could see what he was talking about - it was more peachy than a pomelo, but you liked it nonetheless. - "Maybe it’ll be looking better once it dries up, hm?" - You whispered and hugged him from behind slowly. You were still careful with the touches and freaking him out, but it was undeniable that it got better. Gently, you kissed his shoulder and smiled at the work he had done.

"It looks great Hopper." - You nodded with a grin. He circled his palms around yours and swayed his hips in the rhythm of the song. You did so as well. Slowly, he turned around to face you, smiling down on you. You smiled back, expecting a kiss - only to have the paint rolled all over your face. You closed your eyes and grunted angrily.

"Oh yea, I can see the pomelo color now. I think you were rite. Why don't you have more clothes in this color? It suits you." - Jim grinned before he pressed his face to yours so some of the paint pressed on his skin too.

"This was unnecessary - so now, I will angrily continue the things I was up to before you called out." - You said with fake drama in your voice, being the drama queen you always were. You had already put your arms from his hips, pulling away, when he leaned in for a kiss. You felt the paint on your tongue, which was indeed disgusting.

"It was completely necessary, in my defense, miss Y/L/N." - James yelled at you after a while. You chuckled, yelling back at him why he thinks so, continuing with cleaning up the room. - "Isn't that obvious? My girlfriend now has to take a shower before the paint settles down in her hair and since I have it on my face too, you know that does that mean." - Jim suddenly stood up the doorframe, watching you on the floor trying to clean up the fucking wooden floor.

A burst of unbelieving laughter came out of your lips as you watched him. - "This is a genius move for a dumbass like you, Hopper, I gotta say. But you'll have to play Speedball Tucker if you want to see me undressing." - You stood up and bit your lip, having Jim already walking to the gramophone.

"Why is it that this song does things to you?" - Jim asked and stopped the music to put in Life & Times by Croce. You shrugged your shoulders with a nasty smile, already unbuttoning the first buttons.

"I don't know. Maybe it’s because you hum it all the time? But play me You Don't Mess Around With Jim in the bed and I'll show you things you haven't seen yet." - Your short snort resonated through the living room as you turned around to walk to the bathroom. - "You sure will." - Jim snorted back, already throwing his shirt on the floor.

Eleven was over her heels when she came to visit Hawkins on spring break with Joyce. While Joyce was staying at your mum’s, her sons were at Wheelers’, Eleven was staying at your place in her room - it was also the only room which was finished - she had a bed there, a bookshelf for schoolbooks and comic books, a large table you bought on a flea market with a chair in the pair and you told her that she can have some posters and as many photo frames as she wants to. It still needed small touches, but it also meant one thing. It was a silent promise that soon enough, you'll be a family again.

In the end, you decided to put up some of Sara's photos. You knew it was really important Jim, but you needed to talk him down into it. You loved one of the photos from her kindergarten which you put up in the kitchen. When Joyce saw that you hung the picture up, her eyes teared up as she smiled. It also sparkled a rather interesting conversation between you and James.

"How was it like?" - You asked when you were preparing dinner. Jim was sitting at the improvised table; you still had an empty living room, hall and the master bedroom was consisting of the mattress only. He looked up from a detective novel he was reading, looking up at you.

"What? You mean seducin' you? I'm a piece of cake so you gave in pretty easily." - He grinned, having a smile from ear to ear. It was around five p.m. and Eleven was soon about to come home. Tomorrow, you had a family dinner at Enzo's in the plan - Mike was supposed to come, Aiden and Lena drove from New Orleans in the evening.

"Hold your horses. A) you're wrong because I'm a sex bomb and you were all over the place from me and b) no, I don't mean this... I mean... How was it like to have such a small baby girl?" - You answered from concentrating on having the pepper perfectly cut. Hopper closed the book, holding the page with his fingers. His eyes widened and cheeks filled when he slowly inhaled some air.

"It's somethin' you can't even describe. It's fillin' up to the bottom of your soul, you more than love every second of it. When the child hugs you, you just feel sorta warm next to your heart. You only want them to be safe and happy every day, you'd do every little thin' just to see them smile." - Hopper got out with noticeable pauses - he wasn't good with his words, but you could hear that he means every letter of what he had said.

"That sounds just... Lovely." - You sighed and let's be honest, the smile on your face was freaking James out. He was watching you without looking away. - "What would you say..." - You bit your lip and looked Jim in the eyes. Hopper's eyes widened almost unnoticeable.

"If you'd have a chance to do it again?" - You whispered and at that moment, Eleven entered the house, so panicked Hopper didn't have a chance to answer. Playfully, you rose your eyebrows happily and turned back to the pepper. - "Just think about it, yeah?"

Of course, this was about to come. You were young, your thirties were almost six years away and one day, this question was about to come his way. Kids. You never talked about having kids - you already had one. But not about really settling down to have a real family life. With small kids.

Was James even ready to try it again? Or was he simply too old to raise a kid? Or two of them? Sure, you'll soon be done with university and your parents would help you with every little thing you'd ask them, yet James couldn't forget that this was Hawkins in Indiana. This place was dangerous. Especially for James Hopper.

But you said it out loud. That you want to have kids. Sure, El was your kid, your baby girl and you'd kick ass to anyone who'd try to harm her. But there was an itsy bitsy thing - you didn't give birth to her which could do a lot. You proclaimed her as your rightful kid, you were written down in her birth certificate.

James was out of the world for both the following evening and he was even more stressed out the other day when you were supposed to go to Enzo's.

Your question had pulled some damn switch inside of him; he wasn't able to properly fall asleep the whole night thinking about the kid thingy. The only thing James could say for sure was that if you'd have a girl, she would look like an angel; because you were one. But that wasnt all.

"Are you having nightmares or what's wrong with you?" - You mumbled from somewhere under your blanket. You mostly were doing that during winter and in the early spring - only your head could be seen because your whole body was curled up under the blanket to keep you warm. You moved around a bit before Jim could register your face.

"Should somethin’ be wrong with me?" - James hummed and brought you closer to warm you up. You were as cold as ice. Carefully, you wrapped your leg around his waist, leaving out a long sigh.

"You're turning around all the time and make the mattress move. Something on your mind, Hop?" - You yawned and put your temple on his shoulder, closing your eyes again. You were smiling without realizing; just smelling him and feeling him close was making you happy. And you fell asleep again almost immediately.

Jim wanted to ask you to marry him on the family, this time, he made sure he adhered to the traditions - first, earlier that day when he was dropping El at your parents’ house before she was supposed to see Mike, he talked with your father. Both he and Molly couldn't understand why did he cancel the engagement in the first place, just to ask them.

He did the best to tell them that he's now trying to turn his life around, starting from a literal zero - he contacted his old colleagues like Rosario and Vietnam comrades, he said goodbye to Sara, bought the house with you and renovated it. James just wanted a new life and he wanted to start it in the right way with you by his side. That was what made your dad give him his blessing.

On top of that, you were controlling how much did he smoke and how much Tuinal did he take - it wasn’t meant in a bad way and James knew that - he was just fucking grateful that you took the role of his guardian angel. You couldn't be described any other way than being a guardian angel.

But if he proposes to you, then marries you... Kids were just the next step, right? When Jim finally fell asleep, it was while he held your waist and tried to think about what would it look like. James was almost forty-four years old. He would be sixty when the kid would be sixteen, sixty-four when they would be twenty. Which was horrifying and more than that. He was thirty when Sara was born which was an ideal age in his opinion. He was thirty-seven when she died. Would he be even able to be a good dad? Jim thought that he was in a fairly good condition, thanks to his police work, but a kid...  

The other evening, Jim put on his best shirt and tuxedo, looking at himself in the mirror as he was adjusting the small details - this tuxedo he had at the first family dinner in your house. Eleven peaked into the room before she entered.

She was a grown-up since the last time James had seen her - she had longer hair, she was more tanned, taller and even her face seemed to be more adult. James admired that Eleven was always an adult in some way. Ever since Jim met her, in some things, she was drastically more matured than kids her age - she knew things people her age didn't have a single idea about. Yet now it seemed that her personality had deepened even more than before.

Eleven had a nice dress on and you helped her put her hair in a messy bun. She smiled at James and checked that the door is closed.

"Are you okay?" - She asked excitedly. Right at the moment, you were in the living room with Mike and you two were chatting while drinking some lemonade you made. He was supposed to make you occupied while Eleven went to check up on Hopper.

"How can I be okay?" - Hopper said with an unnerved laugher and went to sit down on your bed. Eleven laughed as well and sat next to him; she hugged his shoulder and shook him a bit.

"Mom said yes before and she loves you. She will say yes again, I'm sure." - Eleven smiled and put her temple on Jim's shoulder, letting him kiss the back of her head. She could now speak as kids her age did. Eleven was talking fluently, without hesitation, but yes, sometimes she still thought about how to put a sentence in a certain way. - "Grandpa said yes too, he knows you two should be together."

"How did you come to that conclusion, kiddo? Hm?" - Jim chuckled at her words. He knew what Eleven was trying to tell him, but it was too adorable not to make fun of.

"I've heard that in a movie I was watching with Joyce and Will." - She smiled and at that moment, they both turned their heads to the door, hearing as you called out for them. It was time to go. Eleven got up first, giving her palm to Hopper to help him get up. - "You can do it. Its just one question."

"Geez, you're a smart one, kiddo." - Hopper chuckled, following her out of the room. You and Mike were waiting under the staircase. Even if Jim saw you before and he knew how would you look like, he was wonderstruck when he saw you in your blue dress with your hair styled masterfully.

"What were you two up to, huh?" - You asked both of them, tying up his tie again, properly this time. - "Are you having secrets again?" - You joked, making Eleven smile innocently as she stood up next to Mike and entwined her elbow with his. After taking too many photos and embarrassing the hell out of Mike, Jim laid in with his dad jokes that time, yo rode to the restaurant.

Mike on the backseat was visibly sweating. He always thought that Eleven has Hopper and you - he forgot that you have a brother and parents. If he was worried about something, it was that he won't make a good first impression. Which would embarrass him to death? Yet, you were telling the whole time that he's perfectly fine. It was strange to realize that Aiden was only six years older than them. That wasn’t too much. And you weren't much older either.

Seeing your family gather around one table was a thing that made you so happy, that smiled didn't leave your face the whole afternoon. Mike, in the end, was happy too - he and Eleven befriended your cousin Andrea who was at their age, so these three had so many to talk about and so did you, the adults sitting there. The food in Enzo’s was delicious and this time, you hadn't got any surprise which would make faint. Even the fine wine you loved so much was ordered and Jim offered that this time, he would drive home - which meant that you had nothing to be worried or angry about.

Everyone shut up when a man stood up from the chair he was sitting on and you were looking at him with awe. Your palm circled Jims as you watched your younger brother getting himself to propose to his girlfriend. Which was kinda scaring Jim, since that was his plan that evening?

The things Aiden told her were one of the sweetest you had ever head. With a contained smile, you leaned to James’ shoulder, watching Aiden getting on his knee with a face that was showing his emotions. He was lost over the heels for Lena, his heart was surely beating for her. You didn't notice your dad having intense eye contact with Jim since he was waiting for the older man to do the exact thing his son had just done.

And you asked what's wrong when Jim took a deep breath in, trying not to faint. He was stressed. He was facing stress. The last time he was doing this was behind a locked door to his office. Not in a restaurant, let alone your family being present.

"Jim, are you having a heart attack?" - You put your palms on his jaws, looking at his reddened cheeks and completely sweaty forehead. Hopper shook his head, having his eyes widening with each passing second. It was now or never situation. Naturally, everyone was extra-surprised when Hopper suddenly stood up as well and exhaled loudly.

It didn't take you too much time to figure out what's happening there. You had seen him this nervous once already and boy oh boy, here it was again. It was nice and you knew that most likely, he had encouraged himself for weeks before he was ready to get on that damn knee again.

"My dear Y/N." - He started, watching your father as if the man would tell him what should he say next - and the funniest part was that your father watched him as well in the same way. Then Jim’s palm took a hold on the back of your chair, the man leaning down a bit. The guests inside Enzo’s were nervous. One proposal was a classic, but two at once? That was extraordinary.

"I want... To... Tell you..." - Jim started slowly as he tried to get his self-confidence back. You nodded and caught his other palm to show him that he's fine. Nothing could ruin his moment. - "I love you. Very much. And that I know you hadn't got it exactly easy with me past couple of months. And neither of the people had it easy with us. It's just how it is, and I'm grateful for everything you've been willing to give me - family, a new home, the feeling of being safe, and useful. You made me see a million things I haven't seen before meeting you and I have to thank you and your family for that." - Jim looked around nervously, having you still smiling in front of him.

Joyce surely wrote this speech too. She was a mister of romantic words full of love, which wasn’t exactly Hopper’s area. He was more about showing love than telling the words yet you liked that about him. This was just Joyce’s work.

"And for that, I would be honored," - Was the part where he got on his knees finally and this time, it felt like a proposal for a wedding. Not some Hopper’s ’I would be up for marriage if you want to’. This looked like a real ’Do you want to spend the rest of your life by my side?’, which brought happy tears to your eyes. - "If you'd like to become my wife and have me by your side until the day we both get old and wrinkly."

That was maybe the best Hopper could get out of himself, but let's be honest, it left you a whining and nodding mess, since you couldn't say a single word at that moment. The last thing you remembered clearly from that evening was when Hopper gently picked you up from the ground when you had the ring on, weeping here and there as well.

[richincolor]

Author Interview with Mayra Cuevas

Today we will get to know CNN producer and debut author Mayra Cuevas. Her book SALTY, BITTER, SWEET releases today.

Seventeen-year-old aspiring chef Isabella Fields’ family life has fallen apart after the death of her Cuban abuela and the divorce of her parents. She moves in with her dad and his new wife in France, where Isabella feels like an outsider in her father’s new life, studiously avoiding the awkward, “Why did you cheat on Mom?” conversation.

The upside of Isabella’s world being turned upside down? Her father’s house is located only 30 minutes away from the restaurant of world-famous Chef Pascal Grattard, who runs a prestigious and competitive international kitchen apprenticeship. The prize job at Chef Grattard’s renowned restaurant also represents a transformative opportunity for Isabella, who is desperate to get her life back in order.

But how can Isabella expect to hold it together when she’s at the bottom of her class at the apprenticeship, her new stepmom is pregnant, she misses her abuela dearly, and a mysterious new guy and his albino dog fall into her life?

Crystal: Mayra, thanks so much for taking the time to answer a few questions about your writing life and your debut novel SALTY, BITTER, SWEET. What does writing mean to you and when did you begin to consider yourself a writer?

Mayra: It was in the eighth grade. I was really into Julia de Burgos’ poetry back then and only beginning to understand the healing power of the written word. Julia’s work inspired me to write my own poems, as a way to cope with some difficulties at home. After many tries, I wrote a poem that I thought was pretty good — about how your feelings can be like a storm. My English teacher at the time, Mr. Antonio Colorado, was this super encouraging person. He knew I loved books and always lent me new titles to read and pushed me to work harder on my poetry. I gave him a copy of the poem I had written and he asked me if he could read it in class. I agreed, under the condition that he did not reveal my name. I mean, it was eighth grade, I didn’t want this to be the end of my social life. But when he read it, everyone went quiet and listened. And something magical happened, I felt connected to everyone in the room. In that moment, my words mattered and I felt seen for probably the first time. And what was even more amazing, after he read the poem, there was a discussion and people were talking about my words and how it affected them. I’ll never forget it.

Crystal: How has your career as a journalist prepared you for writing young adult novels? Was it a fairly smooth transition?

Mayra: No! (laughs hysterically) I *thought* it would be a smooth transition! But boy was I wrong. When I started writing fiction back in 2012 I remember thinking, ‘Oh I’ve been a professional journalist for over ten years, how hard can it be to write a novel?’ Well, as it turns out, writing a novel is very hard. And getting published is even harder. But there are two skills that transferred from journalism into publishing: 1) resilience and 2) working with editors.

Years of getting my story pitches rejected prepared me for the soul-crushing rejection I faced in the publishing world. My first manuscript was rejected by 200 agents! And somehow I managed to keep going.    

My news background also prepared me to work with editors. I had lots of practice getting my news stories edited, nitpicked and pulled apart — that’s just the nature of the news business. And it’s no different in publishing.

Crystal: I’m guessing you’ve spent quite a bit of time in kitchens. What are some of your most interesting cooking experiences or other memorable moments around food?

Mayra: I’m a total foodie so when it came time to research Salty, Bitter, Sweet I went all out!

I reached out to the amazing Carla Tomasko, the pastry chef at Bacchanalia, one of Atlanta’s top restaurants. She agreed to serve as my guide through the workings of a real high-end kitchen. She also shared her story of working as a woman in a male-dominated environment and as an immigrant from Ecuador. She also recounted how her Latin roots helped shape her craft.

The time I spent in Bacchanalia’s kitchen was amazing! I got to see how the executive chefs prepared the day’s menu, how they selected ingredients and crafted the most exquisite dishes. All the while, I was taking copious notes of every detail I could use to make Isa’s journey as authentic as possible. I think it paid off because it seems to be everyone’s favorite part of the book!

Crystal: What do you love most about your characters Isa and Diego?

Mayra: They are two young people who are going through their own private pain — as we all do. At first, Isa sees him as a threat to the delicate balance of her new life. And in a way she is right to feel threatened, because Diego has arrived to upend everything she thought she wanted. In turn, Isa will help Diego make peace with his own life decisions.  

Yes, there are some romantic moments, but it’s mostly about meeting someone who sees you for the first time and loves you in spite of all the broken bits.

Crystal: Though some things in Isa’s life seem to have some relationship to parts of your own life, were there things you needed to research as you wrote your way through this story?

Mayra: There were two main veins of research: the world of haute cuisine and the multiple locations where the book is set — six cities in total.

For the kitchen research, I interviewed and spent time with two amazing female chefs: Carla Tomasko, the pastry chef at Bacchanalia, one of Atlanta’s top restaurants, and Daniella Fitzgerald, who spends her days cooking for rich folks in yachts. She had some hilarious stories!

I also read memoirs like 32 Yolks: From My Mother’s Table to Working the Line by Veronica Chambers and Eric Ripert, and watched documentaries like Pressure Cooker and Three Stars.  

For the travel research I watched a million YouTube videos and read as many travel blogs. I also engaged an all-things-France expert to make sure every detail of Isa’s journey through Lyon was authentic.

Crystal: Are any of your favorite foods mentioned in the story? Can you tell us about one or two?

Mayra: Like Isa and her abuela Lala I enjoy bridging my two worlds by making Spanish flan and All-American apple pie — my husband’s favorite.

The flan recipe belongs to my Venezuelan friend Paula. I love that recipe because it’s been handed down through generations and it survived a political revolution.

Crystal: Have there been any big surprises along the road to publication?

Mayra: The most amazing surprise was being invited to join Las Musas, a Latina authors collective. These women are incredibly talented, supportive and generous. The founders did a wonderful job of creating a space where we can uplift each other and our work, share important news, and have each other’s back. I love these women and I’m humbled and proud to be part of this community.  

Crystal: Are there any current YA books that you wish had existed when you were younger?

Mayra: All of the books from Las Musas!

Crystal: *Hurries off to visit the webpage for Las Musas* That looks like a wonderful group! Can you tell us anything about your current projects or your writing plans for the future?

Mayra: My short story Resilient will be published as part of the anthology FORESHADOW: The Magic of Reading & Writing YA (Algonquin Young Readers). I’m also co-writing a novel with Atlanta author Marie Marquardt, which can be best described as a feminist unicorn.

Crystal: Thanks again for your willingness to share your time and even your recipe with us! We wish you all the best with your debut.

Born and raised in Puerto Rico, Mayra Cuevas is a professional journalist and fiction writer who prefers love stories with a happy ending. Her debut novel, SALTY, BITTER, SWEET, launched March 3 with HarperCollins/Blink. Her debut fiction short story was selected by best-selling author Becky Albertalli to appear in the Foreshadow serial anthology Issue 04 in April 2019. She is currently a special projects producer and writer for CNN. She keeps her sanity by practicing Buddhist meditation and serving on the Board of Directors of Kadampa Meditation Center Georgia. She lives with her husband, also a CNN journalist, and their cat, in the charming town of Norcross, Georgia. She is also the step-mom to two amazing young men who provide plenty of inspiration for her stories. You can visit her online at mayracuevas.com.

[tabloidtoc]

OK, August 3

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Kim Kardashian’s $1 billion divorce hell -- she’s scared to leave Kanye West 

Page 1: Big Pic -- Mike Tyson is ready to kick off Shark Week 

Page 2: Contents 

Page 3: Contents 

Page 4: Jessica Simpson’s best body ever -- the healthy approach she took to achieve her slimmed-down figure 

Page 6: Jason Aldean’s untold story -- he experienced his fair share of hardship and heartache on his wild ride to the top 

Page 7: Mariah Carey’s memoir shares her incredible story of living in the spotlight and her struggles with body image and the people who helped her and who failed her, Gwen Stefani and ex-husband Gavin Rossdale’s relationship has gone from bad to worse -- they never saw eye to eye when it came to parenting but Gwen has been even more up in arms since their son Zuma broke both his arms in two separate incidents and Gwen wants the boys to be supervised a lot more when Gavin has them, being one of the world’s most in-demand actresses is a double-edges sword for Jennifer Aniston -- she’s looking at 18-hour days juggling the second season of The Morning Show with the Friends reunion and she’s got a couple other projects in development and there won’t be enough hours in the day to do everything 

Page 8: After giving each other the cold shoulder for years Heather Locklear and Denise Richards have mended ties -- the animosity began in 2006 when Denise broke girl code by dating Heather’s estranged husband Richie Sambora but Denise has apologized and now the two are talking like good friends again, David and Victoria Beckham are thrilled about the engagement of their son Brooklyn Beckham to actress Nicola Peltz, though Emma Roberts may be understandably nervous after finding out she and boyfriend Garrett Hedlund are expecting their first child together Emma’s aunt Julia Roberts has promised to guide her through every step of the pregnancy

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- from emerald to neon stars inspire envy in shades of green -- Charlize Theron, Selena Gomez, Constance Wu 

Page 11: Lupita Nyong’o, Angela Bassett, Lilly Singh 

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Olivia Palermo vs. Lala Rudge, Vanessa Bell Calloway vs. Zuri Hall 

Page 13: Mia Goth vs. Kaia Gerber 

Page 14: News in Photos -- Olivia Culpo, Brian Austin Green picked up a cup of coffee

Page 15: Duchess Camilla reopening the Youth Action Wiltshire Oxenwood Outdoor Education Centre 

Page 16: Celeb parents dote on their little ones -- Alessandra Ambrosio and daughter Anja, Shay Mitchell and daughter Atlas, Cardi B and Offset and daughter Kulture, Christina Milian and daughter Violet 

Page 18: Baby Steps -- these celeb tots prove good genes run in the family -- Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade and daughter Kaavia, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend’s kids Luna and Miles, Kate Hudson’s daughter Rani, Anderson Cooper and son Wyatt 

Page 20: No Passport Needed -- these stars know how to have a fun staycation -- Rita Ora and her cat Bruno, Sofia Vergara, Elizabeth Hurley, Kate Upton in daughter Genevieve’s princess tent 

Page 22: Melissa Gorga in a red bathing suit, Katherine Schwarzenegger, Gavin Rossdale brought his dog to the tennis court 

Page 23: Christina Anstead and her husband Ant Anstead and her kids Taylor and Brayden, Luann de Lesseps showed off her bikini bod 

Page 24: Inside My Home -- Krysten Ritter’s bohemian base 

Page 26: More troubles for Will and Jada Pinkett Smith -- Will didn’t want to go on Jada’s show Red Table Talk because he felt awkward and embarrassed about airing their dirty laundry so publicly but he reluctantly agreed to it because Jada begged him 

Page 27: Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are already parents to five children together and Tori is eager to add another one to their brood because six kids is the number she’s always dreamed of, Chandler Powell is growing concerned over the welfare of his workaholic wife Bindi Irwin -- due to the coronavirus pandemic Bindi and her family had to lay off some of the staff at their zoo in Australia and as a result Bindi has been working around the clock to pick up the slack, Kate Beckinsale is planning to whisk her Canadian beau Goody Grace away on an overseas vacation because she wants to introduce him to her native London and her favorite parts of Europe as soon as it’s safe to travel

Page 28: Zach Braff and Florence Pugh are ready to walk down the aisle together around the holidays and may even start a family shortly after that, Meghan Trainor and husband Daryl Sabara were planning to start a family later this year after she finished up her tour with Maroon 5 but now that the pandemic has caused the shows to be postponed until 2021 Meghan and Daryl are unsure if they should stick to their original timeline, Love Bites -- Rachel Bilson and Bill Hader called it quits, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and husband Justin Mikita welcomed their first child, Skylar Astin and Lisa Stelly dating 

Page 30: Cover Story -- Kim Kardashian and Kanye West marriage in crisis -- Kanye’s erratic behavior has pushed wife Kim to her breaking point as a billion-dollar divorce looms 

Page 34: Losing Kelly Preston: A family’s heartache -- how a devastated John Travolta and his kids are doing after tragically losing wife and mom Kelly 

Page 36: Summer of Fun -- take some vacay inspo from these stars who’ve been having a blast visiting spots around the country -- Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez in the Hamptons, Max Ehrich and Demi Lovato in Southern California, Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood in Wyoming 

Page 37: Ana de Armas and Ben Affleck in Yucca Valley, Hailey and Justin Bieber in Utah, Kristin Cavallari in Barrington, Illinois 

Page 38: Interview -- Ricky Martin slows down -- the hip-shaking singer dishes on his raw and soulful new tracks 

Page 40: Model Condition -- they’ve still got it; find out how the top supermodels of the ‘80s and ‘90s have managed to stay fit and fabulous -- Christie Brinkley, Elle Macpherson, Naomi Campbell 

Page 41: Christy Turlington, Tyra Banks 

Page 44: Style Week -- Devon Windsor’s latest collection 

Page 46: What’s Hot Right Now -- Sara Sampaio 

Page 47: Travel like a celeb 

Page 48: Summer goals -- Olivia Palermo 

Page 50: Black swimsuits -- Barbara Palvin 

Page 51: Fruit minis -- Issa Rae 

Page 54: Entertainment 

Page 58: Buzz -- Liam and Chris Hemsworth’s adventure time -- living it up while down under; Aussie brothers Liam and Chris spend the weekend on the Queensland coast 

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Chrishell Stause when asked who she’d like to date, Drew Barrymore on her body, Vivica A. Fox on how she’s keeping busy during the pandemic 

Page 61: John Legend joking about why he would never cheat on his wife, Mandy Moore on quarantine life, Charlize Theron on being single, Tom Bergeron revealing he was axed from Dancing With the Stars 

Page 62: Horoscope -- Leo Maya Rudolph 

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Christian Slater 

[airquietworks]

Expecting! (IzuOcha)(Part 4)

Summary: The world may never be the same. Izuku and Ochako have to answer for their choice to have a child. Navigating pregnancy and heroics is no small task, but together, they are determined to succeed. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

"Wow! What do you think Dad used this for?"

Hiroaki watched, bored, as his sister hauled up an oversized gauntlet. It was sleek and stylish, emblazoned in a familiar shade of green. It also appeared rather weighty; he noticed she was huffing as she held it.

"Punching stuff, I guess," he muttered in reply from his place sitting against the wall. He let out a yawn and adjusted himself. He chased a sense of comfort, and perhaps a nap, though he knew it would be a struggle in this dusty space.

"But why would he need this to punch stuff?" The green-haired girl clumsily deposited the gauntlet on the ground, staring intently at it with a wide-eyed look. "He already punches stuff hard without it!"

The girl gleefully mimicked her father, flailing her fists out in the air toward some unseen opponent.

"I dunno, Reiko. You'd have to ask him."

———————————————————————————————————–

Epilogue: Memories, storms and wonder

———————————————————————————————————–

The nine-year-old did not heed him at all, excitedly wandering into another corner of the room in search of new treasures. He had to admit she looked rather cute, her freckled face wide with excitement as she trotted around in a play-friendly set of blue overalls over a red shirt. Hiroaki smiled at her carefree exuberance. He could remember a time when he too could look at this room and feel that unbridled sense of wonder.

He could remember a time where he dreamed of being a hero.

Hiroaki kept a careful watch over her as she explored her parents' trove of all things heroic. Boxes full of memorabilia littered the floor, stacked into disorderly piles that were difficult to navigate. Greens and pinks dotted the space; their parents' old memorabilia hung on the walls and sprawled across the floor.

One wall stood out from the chaos of the rest. While much of the room was in disarray – a product of their parents' busy lives and an overwhelming amount of stuff – the far wall was more meticulously maintained. The wide grin of the visage of All Might bombarded the eyes. Figures, posters, books, clippings, and a few special family photos. His dad had quietly worked to maintain that wall, at least.

Hiroaki suddenly felt a compelling force tugging at him. He rose from his position, stretching out his muscles. The boy carefully walked forward, keeping his eyes locked on the same image which always transfixed him. Sitting on one of the shelves was a photo in a faded frame. His parents were there, beaming brightly. His eyes instead focused on the thin, frail man between them. His face was weathered and absolutely covered in tears, but he wore a massive grin.

The old man held up a small bundle. The baby's face within was hard to make out, but he could see a little tuft of brown hair peeking from the folds.

Hiroaki's namesake holding him.

"Look, Toshi, it's that cool red cape Dad stopped using!"

"Hang on," Hiroaki Toshinori Midoriya muttered, turning to try and find his sister amidst the room's debris. "And would you stop calling me that? Stick to 'Aki.'"

"But why? You go by 'Toshi' all the time!" Her disembodied voice came from the far end of the room. She had disappeared amidst the space's overwhelming amount of objects. He tried to peek past piles of boxes, searching for her between the cracks he could find.

He breathed out a tired sigh. It could be a pain trying to explain things to her. "Yeah, well, I don't want to go by that now."

"But it's so cool! You're named after All Might! I wish I was!"

"You're named after All Might? But you're so…lame!"

"Betchya Deku hoped it would help a scrawny kid like you. Didn't work, Half-Quirk."

He winced as the echoes of his bullies' taunts rang through his mind. He looked down at the enlarged pads of his left fingertips, which housed the same gravity-defying Quirk of his mother. But it was a pale mimicry, hardly as powerful as she was. His right hand, meanwhile, bore no such power. He shook his head, trying to banish the memories that so often plagued him.

He had to focus on the now. He needed to banish the name from the past, which no longer felt right.

"I just don't think it really suits me. And would you peek out? I can't see-"

His fervent search caused him to miss a small box at his feet. He tripped over the dense object, yelping as he landed on his side with a soft thud.

"Toshi! I mean…Aki? You okay?"

Hiroaki gave an answering groan, his shoulder sore from the point of impact as he rubbed it gingerly. He winced at the small throb of pain, but he could tell it was not too bad. He had to be tougher.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just tripped on something." He eyed the box which had caused him to fall, shifting over to it. It looked pretty small; just what was inside it to make it so solid?

Without much thought, he put his fingers atop the dusty cardboard, opening up the loose flaps to see what mysteries lay inside.

His eyes were bombarded with naked flesh, glossy text, and a familiar pair of serene faces. A nude, bulging stomach stood out prominently in the centre of the page.

"AAAAAAAAH!"

"Toshi! What's wrong? Are you okay?" Reiko's voice sounded a lot closer. But he dared not turn around as he hurriedly stashed the magazine deeper into the box and out of sight, gross as it felt to even touch the thing.

But despite his best efforts, the flash of the image firmly imprinted itself in his mind. His parents, cuddling, eyes closed and absolutely, completely, disgustingly naked. Naked on a magazine cover.

It would haunt him to the end of his days.

He had to save his sister from that fate.

"Toshi! What's wrong?" Reiko's joyous energy was completely gone. She was battle-ready, or at least a child's imitation of it, with her fists out in front of her and her eyes frantically scanning the room for the assailant. She pursed her lips, ready to spit out bursts of flame. She sported what was once their father's red cape. It was bigger than she was, wrapping around her like a cloak and leaving a train of cloth behind.

Hiroaki frantically flipped himself around to try and hide the box from Reiko's gaze. He scrambled in place awkwardly, nearly stumbling over himself. "I'm fine, I'm fine! I just got startled by a…by a spider! Yeah, and it ran off somewhere."

The awkward pause was terrifying.

"A spider?" Reiko quirked an eyebrow up at him. "Do you need me to smash it?"

"No, no, no, it's already gone off somewhere. No need to worry!" He laughed nervously while adjusting himself to try and better hide the box. It occurred to him how lame it must sound to have screamed about a spider. "It was, uh, really close, like right next to my face when I fell!"

Hiroaki knew his attempt at bravado was poor, and there are few people it would fool. Indeed, Reiko squinted at him. He did his best to remain even-keeled under her scrutiny.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

He nodded and gave her the best reassuring smile he could manage. "Yeah, I'll be fine. You can go keep digging around."

Content that her brother no longer needed saving, Reiko returned to her merriment, searching for the next cool treasure she could gawk at and try on.

Hiroaki breathed a sigh of relief.

With his sister out of the way, he turned to examine the cursed box behind him. He did not get a good look at it in his earlier shock. Careful to avoid the side he had stuffed the mind-scarring magazine, he rummaged through the rest of the material.

The box was piled with a lot of magazines and newspaper covers. He carefully flipped through them. Each one was emblazoned with a recognizable hero on the cover. Most of them were of either Dad or Mom, but there were a few of their classmates too: Kacchan, Aunt Tsu, even the Todoroki family on one.

It was a treasure trove of information about the heroes from his parents' class. It was a little bit fascinating, seeing the history of it all compressed into one space. His father must have hoarded them as mementos. Many of the magazines dated back at least 10 years.

Hiroaki gasped when he saw himself.

The entire Midoriya family was there. Him, smiling gingerly up at the camera, with Dad's mighty arm firmly around him. Mom holding up a baby Reiko, beaming forward, her pink cheeks lifted in a wild smile. He could not remember this photo – he must have been three or four at the time – but it was a pleasant picture nonetheless.

"Deku-Uravity – Double Trouble!" The lifestyle magazine declared boldly. The smaller font made the pointed statement: 'Heroes spill secrets on second child.'

He stroked his fingers across the page. It was a strange window to the past. He looked so young there, with hardly a care in the world.

Curiosity piqued, he flipped through to the central article promised in the front. He suddenly wanted to know exactly what his parents had to say about their growing family.

The article was engaging – quick, punchy, and interspersed with colorful commentary. He hung on to every word his parents said, the echoes of their voices ringing whenever he read a quote.

"It's hard to balance being a hero and being a parent." Dad's words stood out on the page, pulled out with a larger font.

The article warmed his heart, but it made more than a few suggestions about the difficulty of balancing hero life and parenting. He furrowed his brows as his eyes lost focus on the page.

His parents never talked much about the challenge, but he knew it was there. It was a natural part of life that they were very busy. It was incredible growing up watching their feats, but he spent many nights without them around.

They were there when he needed them. He had to remind himself of that constantly. But these days, that need seemed all too great.

He was the only person in his grade with heroes for parents. It made him stand out. Once, he thought it was great. Now, it seemed like a curse.

Hiroaki had not put much thought into how his parents decided to have children, despite their jobs. It was a weird thing to think about your parents' choice to conceive you.

"We live to protect the world. But we also live for our children." The great hero Deku's words stood out in the page, shaded with his signature green colour. Hiroaki frowned at them as he finished the article.

He placed the magazine down onto the pile. He carefully checked his blind spots, making sure Reiko was nowhere near. With the coast clear, he reached into the side of the box and pulled out the forbidden nude cover he wished he could cast aside.

But as he checked it carefully – trying his best not to focus on the whole image of his naked parents – his curiosity was confirmed. He had only glanced at the image previously, but a closer inspection yielded more intrigue. They weren't just nude; they were expecting. Expecting him. The bulge of his mother's belly was unmistakable as the text tugged the reader to explore the pregnancy of one of the world's most famous couples.

"It's a frightening concept, being parents, especially in this field of work where we risk and put our lives on the line every day."

His father's words stood out on the cover, teasing the rest of the story. He frowned again at those words, struggling to understand. His parents were unbeatable. There was no doubt in his heart that they would overcome anything thrown at them.

But why would they be so frightened about having a child? Having him?

He furrowed his brows and flipped through the pages, desperately tearing past every ad and article to get to his parents' story. He finally found the page and wasted no time digging in.

"Deku and Uravity are conquering the world of heroism. They are two of the youngest pros to make Japan's Top 20. They have saved countless lives and are now one of the most famous power couples on the planet.

But the two are about to face a whole new challenge, one that no amount of villains beaten will prepare them for: parenting.

"It wasn't an easy decision to make," admitted the expectant mother, Ochako "Uravity" Midoriya. One look at her belly revealed why she had been out of the field for weeks. She regularly touched her abdomen as she spoke, swollen in her pregnancy.

"Neither of us had really imagined being parents growing up." Izuku "Deku" Midoriya spoke with his right hand intertwined with his partner. He had always said being a hero was everything he ever dreamed of. But having a child was a new dream, one which only emerged more recently. "We were both set on being heroes from when we were young."

Hiroaki tried to comprehend the words flowing on the page. He had never really thought about what it was like for his parents to decide to have kids. They had always been his parents; surely it was something they had always wanted?

Apparently not.

His eyes focused on the page again, his heart plunging into the sinking feeling in his gut.

"Once again, the heroic couple is doing something unprecedented. They are the highest-ranked pro hero couple in Japan's history. Now, they are one of the first pro couples to ever have a child. Although they said they will take time once their child is born, both are planning to stay pro afterward.

So what drove them to have a child?

Deku's eyes lit up as he answered.

"Kids can be a lot of work. But they have this incredible spark in them. Every child I've met has given me hope for the future. I-"

"Whatchya reading?"

"Woah!" Hiroaki jumped slightly in place from his sitting position, the magazine hanging loosely in his hand. He looked over to his sister, who eyed the dangling pages.

"Nothing! Nothing…" Hiroaki stopped himself as Reiko crossed her arms and pouted at the obvious lie. "It's, uh…an old magazine with an article about Mom and Dad."

"Really? Can I see?" Her demeanour changed on a dime, the fangirl instantly coming to the fore.

Hiroaki bit his lip in thought. The article was…not a pleasant read. But she might have a hard time reading it, anyway.

She definitely should not bear witness to the cover. But if he hovered over her shoulder, he should be able to prevent her from seeing it.

"Suuure," he spoke with a nervous drawl as he extended the pages out toward her. He kept his hands firmly on it as she scooched over to sit next to him. He pulled her in close and hesitated before letting the magazine go so she could hold it. He pushed the fabric of her cape away, not daring to try and separate her from her impromptu costume.

Reiko cackled at the artful layout, eyes going wide at the photos. "They look so cool!"

Hiroaki watched carefully as she started on the text of the article. He helped on occasion, reading to her whenever she stumbled on the letters. The slow pace let his mind hover more carefully over the words.

His parents had defied history when they had him. He had not really understood that before, but he could see it now. They had not originally imagined having him. They had different dreams before him. Had been afraid to even give birth to him.

He squinted at his father's words when he got the chance. Every child had given him hope for the future? He read on.

"I just…I wanted the chance to raise my own."

Was it just that simple? They just liked kids? Enough to take all the risks this article talked about?

He frowned, glancing down at his left hand again. At the sad half-Quirk his mother had passed on to him, his mastery of which did not hold a candle to hers. At his bony arms, so far removed from his father's godlike strength.

Their sad faces swam in his mind.

"It's getting worse, Deku."

"What did they do to you?"

"Cheer up, honey. Let's go do something fun, okay?"

"I'm going to have a talk with your teacher."

"You'll get through this. I promise it will get better."

He could see their disappointment whenever he walked home with an ugly bruise or a split lip, whenever he gave away he had been bullied again, something he had forced himself to get better at disguising. When they saw he was not strong enough to fend for himself.

Those eyes were full of pity. He could not stand them. He could not stand how beneath them he was.

"Every child I've ever met has given me hope for the future."

What hope could his dad see in him?

"Aki?" His sister once again burst his thoughts apart. He shook his head, trying to stay focused on the moment and help his sister read.

"Sorry. Where were we?"

But the words of his own article and his own doubts kept tugging away at his mind. Fear kept clouding over him, twisting and turning into an all-consuming storm. It was enough to choke his thinking. Flashes of lightning penetrated the rest of thoughts, making the bundle of nerves within him all but impossible to ignore.

When Reiko finally got bored and left, he pored over the rest of the piece. But he found no solace in his parents raving about the idea of having him. The words seemed empty, hollow, a lifetime away from the reality they now faced.

Still, the article was bizarre enough to pique his curiosity more. He wanted to hear from his parents about it. If he could summon up the courage, he wanted to confront them about his own conception.

He looked over to his sister ogling the various figures of All Might, eyes still starry at the thrill of it all. Although he could not share her enthusiasm, he could grin at her, at least. She could still spark that in him.

"You about done? I want to go talk to Dad and Mom about something."

Reiko's face fell and she turned to regard him with a pout and crossed arms. Her attempt to look indignant came off as more cute than anything. It was a far cry from the firecracker she could be on the playground. "You don't have to look after me here. I'll be fine."

The last time she had said that, she ended up with a busted finger and he had gotten a stern scolding from Mom and Dad. The room was fairly safe, but in enough disarray to be a little risky to leave a child unattended.

But getting into an argument with Reiko would do little good. Fortunately, he knew well how to nudge her in other directions. He pushed down his stormy feelings and regarded her with a grin.

"Don'tchya want to show off something you found in here?" He suggested it with an enthused flourish, walking over to grab her hand through the massive cape she was still sporting. "I'm sure they'd love to see you decked out in this."

With those simple words, her face was alight again as she swung the fabric back and forth with her arms. She beamed while looking down at it, striking a pose completely lost within the folds. "I do look cool in this."

"The coolest," Hiroaki quickly confirmed.

"Alright, let's go! Here comes Spitfire!" She zoomed forward with a flourish, shouting out one of her ideas for a future hero name. It was certainly one of her better ones, compared to when she tried to mash up her name with "Deku" or "Uravity."

He followed along behind her, clenching his hand around the folds of the magazine.

Their living room was spacious but fairly ordinary. It was a contradiction to the modest wealth his parents had accumulated. The wooden floors, white walls, floor table, and a large television tucked away in the corner made the room inviting, but far from extravagant. Their house was definitely not large; he could recall his mother talking about keeping a home "cozy" when Uncle Todoroki confronted her about it.

There was a wall with an open window into a small kitchen area, allowing for ease of conversation between the family and whoever was making dinner.

It was there he saw his father: tall, muscular, and imposing, rapidly cutting up vegetables for the evening meal. He was dressed up, wearing a bright white dress shirt with a loosened collar and nice slacks. His wild green hair was slicker than usual, although no force on Earth that Hiroaki knew could completely tame those locks.

Reiko surged ahead of him. "Daddy! Daddy! How do I look?"

She twirled and struck a dramatic pose, her hands on her hips and her chin jutting upward. Dad peered around the doorway, eyeing her over with a smile.

"Oh, is that the amazing Spitfire saving the day?" He chuckled, flashing her a thumbs-up. "Looking sharp! You fish that out of the storage room?"

"Yup! We found so much stuff!" Reiko hopped in place, beaming up at their father.

"I can remember wearing that as part of my first pro costume." He looked upwards wistfully towards a memory Hiroaki could not hope to see. "Good times. Didn't end up keeping it, though."

"Aww, you shoulda!" Reiko pouted, swinging the cape around some more. "Capes are the best!"

"Not when they get caught. Or destroyed," Dad chuckled softly to himself before returning to meal preparation. "Your dinner will be ready in a half-hour."

The pleasant banter seemed a world away from Hiroaki at the moment. The home they had built was one filled with laughter and love. But these days, he often felt like it was at the periphery of it all.

He shook his head, trying to chase away the ridiculous thoughts. He stepped forward to speak but was cut off again.

"…And then we'll be off for the night." Hiroaki blinked when his Mom walked into the room, done up in a form-fitting black dress. Her face was artfully crafted in a layer of makeup, making her look substantially younger. The brown locks were done up in an elegant knot, a few stray strands loose to frame her face.

"Wow, Mom," Hiroaki couldn't help but pipe up. "You look really pretty."

She beamed at him, walking over to ruffle his head affectionately. Her hand was warm against his scalp and instantly made him more at ease. "Thanks, sweetie."

Tonight was date night, a rather rare occasion in the Midoriya household. Mom and Dad would make dinner for them and head out alone, leaving a babysitter behind. He always felt a little sad when they spent one of their few free nights away from him, but it was somehow comforting to see his parents together, doing something safe. Even if they could get…icky.

Besides, it usually meant a visit from the world's greatest babysitter.

"Is Eri coming soon, Mom?" Reiko uttered the question on his own mind, leaping forward to capture the room's attention.

Ochako smiled and leaned down slightly to answer. "She should be here by dinner time."

"Yay!" Reiko cheered, cocking a fist. "I can show her all my new Quirk tricks!"

The girl pursed her lips, preparing to breathe fire. Ochako got a slightly panicked look before pressing a finger to the girl's lips to halt her.

"Now, Reiko, what did we say about your Quirk?"

Reiko's shoulders sagged. "Not inside," she said underneath her mother's finger.

"That's right," Ochako said brightly, withdrawing the appendage. She breathed a sigh of relief at preventing another Quirk-induced accident. Reiko had damaged a lot of furniture before she got a better handle on her powers. Hiroaki eyed a fire extinguisher hung up next to the television – one of many spread throughout the house.

"I'm going to go practice out back, then!" Reiko proclaimed, running off in excitement. She paused, directing her attention to her brother. "Can you come and practice with me, Aki? Pretty please?"

She put on her best adorable pout, one that rarely failed to win her father over. But Hiroaki was made of harder stuff, and Quirk practice was not something that interested him these days.

Besides, he had more pressing matters to address. It would be best if Reiko was not in the room for that.

"Not this time, sorry," Hiroaki replied coldly, eyes intent on his parents.

The response was much to Reiko's chagrin. "Hmph," she breathed out, nostrils flaring, before she ran outside to let out some steam.

Hiroaki took a deep breath before he took the plunge. He had to act quickly. His parents would be leaving soon. The storm raging inside him thrummed angrily, thunder crackling loudly.

"Hey, Mom?"

"Hmm? What is it, sweetie?" She turned to regard him with a gentle smile.

Hiroaki thrust the cursed magazine forward, pointedly aiming the cover away from himself. "Could you-"

"AAAH! WHAT?!"

The loud exclamation was enough to make Hiroaki jump. The magazine was out of his hands before he knew what was happening. His mother's eyes bulged comically at the page, her hand shaking as she held it.

"What is it?!" Izuku sprung into action, leaping forward from the kitchen doorway and scanning the room. He paused and gasped as he saw the magazine cover.

"Oh." He blinked a few times at the sight, Ochako pointedly inclining the image more towards him. "OH!"

Ochako smacked her palm against her face. "Where did you find this, Aki?"

"In the storage room," he answered quickly, eyes moving rapidly between his parents. He didn't imagine they'd be this alarmed, even if the photo was awful. "Umm…are you two alright?"

His mother took a bracing breath. She removed her hand from her eyes to regard the image again, holding it out in front of her. "We're fine. Just a…a little surprised, is all. Gosh, I had forgotten about this. I kinda wanted to forget about it."

Hiroaki's mind spun at the words. She wanted to forget about it? Why? Was it a bad memory?

"I don't know." His father stepped closer to properly appraise the cover, grasping it in his right hand. His lips tilted upward into a small smile, which confused Hiroaki all the more. "I'm still fond of it."

"Easy for you to say. You got to hide behind me," Ochako grumbled with crossed arms. "I'm surprised you kept it around…but I guess I shoulda figured you would."

"It was a pretty big moment in our careers." Izuku fluttered through the pages toward the article within. "I still remember what happened when the photo was taken. And it's a moment I'll treasure forever."

His mother's face softened at his father's words. She leaned slightly to glance at the cover, a grin ghosting on our lips. She idly traced a hand down to her stomach.

"I suppose so…" she murmured. "Still mad about all that happened afterward. Ryuko was about ready to stomp on me after all the press calls she had to deal with."

"It could have been so cool to take on a dragon though," Izuku replied with a toothy grin. His mother laughed at him.

Hiroaki watched the conversation play out, his eyes flinging between them as if viewing a tennis match. Without realizing it, he had quickly become a third wheel. He did not like it.

It was all so confusing. He had to know more. He had to understand.

His patience wore thin. He approached his mother, reaching up to grasp the ends of two fingers. She turned to look down on him with a calming smile.

"What happened when the picture was taken? Why would you even take a picture like this?"

The two glanced at one another, searching faces for answers.

"It's a…bit of a weird story," his father began after a moment, scratching the back of his head. "We knew we needed to get the word out about…well, you. And we wanted to try to control the message."

"We were worried about what might happen if people found out I was pregnant." Ochako shifted herself to lean against the wall, her hand idly stroking her belly again. "When you're a hero, the press can be a scary thing."

Hiroaki frowned, eyes scanning between them again. Once more, their choice to have a kid seemed to be such a bother for them. If there was so much to worry about, why did they go through with it? Was it really worth it?

Was he really worth it?

"We got in touch with the magazine to try and get ahead of things," Izuku continued, passing the magazine back to Ochako and moving to the kitchen to continue making their meal. Hiroaki shifted himself closer, leaning hard on every word. He needed answers.

His mother idly thumbed at the pages. "We did the interview. One thing led to another. We got a really…bombastic photographer." She looked skyward and leaned on her finger.

"She kind of convinced us," Deku replied with enthusiasm, as the light sizzle of meat cooking started to permeate the room. Hiroaki sniffed, the pleasant aroma of chicken and spices filling his nostrils. "I know, it's shocking. It shocked us. But it's tasteful. It's artful."

At those words, Hiroaki carefully inclined his head to glance at the cover again. It was hard to look at; there were some things which would always look unpleasant with parents involved. But at a second glance, he could see what they meant. No private bits were showing. His mother was covered, her modesty preserved. No, the most prominent part of the photo was…him.

"I…I guess so," Hiroaki replied, averting his eyes as soon as he could. "It's…it's still weird to me."

"A lot of people thought so," Ochako muttered, pouting behind the magazine. "We got so much flak for even daring to have a child in our circumstance, too…"

Hiroaki's ears perked up. His heart sank at the thought of it. "You did?"

Ochako's mouth quirked up. "We got plenty of support and well-wishers. But you should have seen the columns. 'Deku throws his career away.' 'Uravity letting her child down.' 'Pro heroes should not become parents.' Gosh, it was ridiculous."

Ridiculous. Yes, it certainly seemed that way.

But they beat the odds. Dad somehow balanced family life and became the number one hero, albeit with close contenders. Mom yo-yoed inside the Top 10.

Even if they were busy, Hiroaki did not often want for his parents' love. He knew what kids looked like when they did.

"We managed pretty well in the end," his father said softly as he moved about the kitchen. "Wouldn't you say so, Aki?"

He wanted to say yes. Of course they did. He was forever respectful of just how much time and dedication his parents put into managing a stable home and work life.

They had built this home. This home of love and laughter and heroes.

But his anxieties started to storm through his mind again. His tongue froze in place as he tried to spit out the easy answer he knew he should. Could he really count himself as part of such a home?

Should he have been?

They sacrificed so much, going against the grain, to have him. They boldly announced him to the slings and arrows of the world at large. They gave up so much time to care for him, back then and even now, with their struggles to even get a regular night out for themselves.

"Something wrong, sweetie?" His mother leaned down toward him, her warm chocolate eyes drawing him in. He blinked, realizing his own were starting to water. He quickly wiped a hand across them and took a breath, trying to control his own emotions.

He had to ask the question. He needed to, more than anything.

"Do you ever-"

A familiar pair of loud blares pierced through the room. The noise rang hard against the ears, but was mercifully brief. Once. Twice. Three times, all in perfect unison.

His parents both pulled out their phones, typing into them with practiced ease. A video projection sprung to life in front of each of them, but the footage was too grainy to make out clearly.

"Uravity!"

"Deku!"

Any trace of humour drained instantly from their faces. It was a transformation Hiroaki had sadly grown accustomed to. They tensed, their eyes sparking to a new kind of life, focus intently on their communicators. His parents were gone; only heroes remained.

"What's the situation?" They said it in perfect harmony. Hiroaki knew it was not a rehearsed thing; he did not even think they realized when they did it. But as heroes, they were in sync, maintaining the same cadence.

Already, they both moved quickly out of the room, walking perfectly side-by-side. They hurried forward toward their bedroom, where they would get suited up in a flash. The blares were only for emergencies, and they treated it as such.

"There's been a villain attack."

"We have a collapsing building."

"We need your strength-"

"The rubble is bad. People are trapped-"

The communications were not nearly as in-sync. The disembodied voices dissipated as the heroes moved out of earshot. He could gather it was a really bad situation from those scarce details. They were needed and might be gone for quite a while.

Which meant his question would have to wait.

Hiroaki clenched his fists. He let out a tired sigh and tried to rein himself in. His eyes suddenly felt heavier, a weight pressing down hard on him. He loved his family and he was proud of his parents. But their jobs could get in the way far too often.

It was hard for them to balance. But it was hard for him, too.

The scent of burning meat awoke him from his light stupor. His father had left the meal unattended. Without another thought, Hiroaki leaped into action, plunging himself into the kitchen to try and rescue dinner.

He yanked the chicken pot off the stovetop and quickly went to work carrying on preparation. With oft-absentee parents, he had gotten plenty used to cooking. It was not much, but it was the help his parents needed right now. He would do it.

"Toshi, Toshi, Toshi!" Reiko burst back into the room, face alight with pure joy. "I heard! Have they got a mission?"

His sister had become much more enthusiastic about their heroics than he was. What was a sobering moment for the rest of the family was cause for pure excitement in the child. In its own way, it was heartening to see someone could smile in the situation. But Reiko could get a little testy when emergencies happened.

"Sounds like it," he confirmed as he busied himself with plating. "They're getting ready now. Make sure you stay out of their way."

Reiko pouted at him. "But I want to see if they'll finally take me to watch!"

Hiroaki froze at the proclamation. Reiko was always eager to see their parents in action in person, after they had calmly knocked a villain out when the family was out shopping one day. Since then, she had tried to convince them to take her out on patrol, or to a scene, or to the office. Anywhere she could witness her parents kicking butt again.

The answer, of course, was always no. Reiko was far too young, their work too dangerous and demanding. But the denials did little to curb her enthusiasm.

Their parents had taught him even a few minutes delay could make the difference between someone living and dying.

Which meant he had to act to control his sister.

He carefully placed a plate he was holding onto the table and stepped quickly to intercept Reiko. She was eyeing to make a beeline toward the front of the house. He kneeled down to meet her at eye level.

Reiko stopped in place, eyes going wide in surprise at the sudden face-to-face appearance of her brother. She instinctively tried to move around him, but he extended an arm, making it clear he was not budging.

"Toshiiiiii," Reiko whined, cheeks puffing up in rage. "Move!"

He remained steadfast. "I'm not budging. You can't bug them right now."

"You're the one bugging!" She glared at him, her hands balling into fists at her sides.

"I promise, we can watch it on TV. It's big. There'll be a live broadcast." When it came to fighting Reiko's fire, negotiation tended to work best. "And I'm sure Eri will let us stay up late…if we ask nicely."

Far from a guarantee. But he was willing to fib if he had to.

"It's not the same as being there," she grumbled, crossing her arms. "Dad said he used to chase heroes around all the time."

"When he was older than you. Plus, Dad said he nearly got killed doing it, remember?"

Her face fell at that. "I wouldn't."

Hiroaki scratched his head. He made progress, but she still looked intent on bursting through him.

He groaned aloud. He would have to bring out the big guns in this negotiation.

"I'll Quirk train with you all day tomorrow."

"Really?!" She jumped up slightly at that, her face exploding into unadulterated joy. "But you never want to practice Quirks anymore!"

That was still accurate.

"I'll make an exception." He winced as his head conjured up images of the burns he would be subjected to tomorrow.

"Okay, I'll be good!" She beamed up at him, before casually lifting up his arm to proceed forward. "I'm still saying bye, though!"

"Deal's off if you bug 'em!" Aki called out as she walked away. She turned quick, sticking out her tongue, before continuing on toward the front of their house.

He groaned, shaking his head at the promise he had just delivered. He no longer got any enjoyment out of Quirk practice, and the lifts Reiko demanded of him were absurdly draining. If Eri stuck around, it would help, but it was still not something he looked forward to.

Especially when he was bound to watch his mother perform incredible feats with her Quirk on the news tonight. Feats he could only ever dream of.

He stared down at his frail right hand again. It shook slightly, anxiety setting his muscles alight for a moment. He balled the Quirkless appendage into a fist, regaining control.

Hiroaki made his way to the kitchen to continue dinner preparations. His hands were good for that much, at least. The question attaching itself to his head would assuredly haunt him amidst the quiet work, but he would just have to deal with it. It was the least he could do for his heroes.

He glanced down the hallway to see his parents dash quickly through it toward the exit of their house, donned in full uniform. Their speed was impressive, but their costumes helped them stand out, the green and pink blurs unmistakable.

Hiroaki bit his lip. In spite of himself, he pursued, wanting to see them off as they ran to save the day. He burst through to the main entrance of the building to the outside world, hoping to catch them before they jumped off.

He saw the two heroes pausing in the large open yard in front of their home, doing one last check-up on equipment. He saw his mother typing rapidly into her phone. The two were faster on foot than they were in a car, but jumping from place to place usually required some advanced navigational help from custom technology.

Reiko eagerly moved around the pair, sizing them up and jumping up a storm. But she was keeping her end of the bargain, staying far enough away so as to not interfere with them.

The two heroes nodded to one another, seeming ready to take off. But to his surprise, his mother instead crouched down to embrace Reiko in a tight hug, an unusual gesture in an emergency situation.

Before Hiroaki could blink, Deku was before him, standing tall and imposing. The boy let out a small breath, his head fogging up at the sight.

Deku wore an aura that was hard to describe; it was awe-inspiring, as if staring up at the face of a god. But there was a safety and surety that came with Deku's smile, which had its way of worming into you. It made one feel as if everything would be alright, no matter what challenges lay ahead. Deku had an everlasting flame, and he was more than generous in sharing it with others.

Deku crouched down quickly, meeting him at eye level. "You seemed a little troubled earlier. What's the matter?"

With the simple question, his dad was in front of him again. The smile he regarded him with was…gentler, somehow. It was more familiar, burning less hot than Deku's, but no less intensely. It was the blanket after the worst was over and you needed comfort. Deku's smile was for the whole world. But his dad's smile was meant for the world he had built inside his home.

The storm within Hiroaki crackled. He tried to keep his composure, but he could already feel the tears starting to well up at the bold confrontation.

He did not have much time to think. Time was of the essence. If he wanted to do the selfish thing and ask the question rolling atop his tongue, he could not dawdle.

He could not rein in the impulse. The words burst out from him like lightning.

"Do you ever regret having kids? Having…having me?"

The words were ugly, terrible things when said aloud. His father's face broke apart in shock, the pleasant smile disappearing. It made Hiroaki's heart tremble, his chest constricting painfully at his father's face.

The boy's head spun. His muscles tensed. It was a stupid thing to ask. He had made a grave mistake. He wanted to run away, but his legs were frozen to the ground under his father's astonished stare.

He had to control the situation.

"Sorry, never mind, you have to get going. Don't worry, we can – we can talk later, or something, you should just-"

A hand on his shoulder cut off his mumble-storm. He looked up again. Dad was there, smiling at him gently.

But those green eyes – passionate, confident – those were the eyes of Deku.

"Not once. Not ever. You mean the world to me. And I never would have learned to be the world's greatest hero without you."

Izuku wrapped him up in a tight embrace, radiating the warmth and comfort Hiroaki did not know he needed.

All of his fears and anxieties dissipated, for just a moment. These arms could make the worst of the world seem small. Was there anything to fear from a 12-year-old magazine article? Did he imagine it all? Was it all in his head?

Rays of light broke through the storm clouds which shrouded his mind. He breathed in the fresh air and found himself powerless as the rain began to fall.

Hiroaki hugged his father tightly, indulging himself for a moment. He wiped his wet cheeks into his father's shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to keep hold, to grab on to him forever. It was the fleeting wish which could never be granted, but he could not stop the aching of his heart. A long-buried part of him wished he did not have to share his father with the rest of the world.

But that was impossible. He could agonize over it, or he could make peace with it. He chose the latter.

"Love you, dad. Stay safe."

"Love you too." The words soothed Hiroaki to his very core. "We'll talk more after this is over, I promise. I'll always come back to you."

Deku disengaged for him. The moment did not last long, barely more than a minute, but it was enough. With no more time to lose, the two heroes leaped into the skies. In the distance, he could see their first hops off of the roofs of faraway buildings. They disappeared from view, and already his heart longed for them again.

"They're so cool!" Reiko shouted as she lifted her tiny fists into the air. She sighed dreamily, twisting her oversized cape around her. "We have the world's best parents."

Hiroaki cracked a small smile at that. He gently touched his chest, the warmth his father imparted on him still lingering.

The world shifted slightly. He felt his feet leave the ground, but for once, it did not bother him at all.

"We do."

———————————————————————————————————–

AN: With that, we bring this to a close.

Special thank you to Mika for allowing me to use her designs and backstory for the IzuOcha children. I thought it fitting, giving her artwork inspired this piece. Plus, I adore their design inside and out. You can read more about them, and see some excellent art, here: green-tea-is-love.tumblr.com/post/167860545778/izuocha-week-day-3-quirks.

Thank you to Neon Pixel for commissioning the original artwork which inspired this fic.

Thank you to Deadliest Sin Bin for all the work editing this fic and making it a much better, and cleaner piece of writing.

And thank you, dear readers, for all your support on this one and the rest of my work.

As for what's next for me, I am unsure. I am in the midst of a fallow period and although I have some stray ideas, many of them seem too grandiose. Writing IzuOcha for two years (I can't believe it's been that long) and burning so intensely for My Hero Academia, my interest has admittedly waned. But I'll always be a fan and perhaps the next anime season will help spark more.

So for now, so long, but not goodbye.

Please, leave a like and a reblog. I'd love to hear what you thought of this story. ^_^

[madcapmoon]

MacKayes are woven together, through punk rock and beyond

Alec, Amanda and Ian MacKaye, exclusive 2019 photo by Allen Beland.

By Andy  

 Sunday, March 10, 2019 With dad taking his spot, front and center at the stove, the MacKaye family dinner is a vital Sunday fixture in their schedules in the Washington, DC, area. Whipping up vegan delights, the elder MacKaye is a culinary threat as he grips onto cooking utensils instead of a microphone or guitar that his children -- Ian, Alec and Amanda -- have wielded during their time on stage with their various bands over the years. This is where the MacKayes thrive, as a family, more than they do anywhere else in their lives. "For us, the MacKayes, we all still hang out with each other," said Amanda, 49. "It wasn't temporary. A lot of people when they get to this stage of life, their siblings are far-flung or they don't really get along with their siblings or whatever. A lot of this is just part of who our family is, we have Sunday dinners, we're together. We have one sister who lives on the other side of the country, but we're all still connected. And we're all still into whatever the other one is doing. We're all still pretty interested in each other." Currently, Ian, Alec, older sister Katie and their dad Bill all live in DC; Amanda (the youngest) resides in nearby Arlington, Va.; and another older sister Susannah calls Oakland, Ca., her home. Ian said it was a treat to have Susannah back on her home turf of DC this weekend to celebrate her birthday. Ian, 56, noted that his parents were only children, so the MacKaye siblings grew up without any uncles, aunts or cousins. They learned from and inspired each other along their life paths, which eventually led them toward punk rock and embracing the idea of residing outside of the mainstream. He laughs about the MacKayes being a weird family that way. They're close-knit to the core. "We are the MacKayes. Especially our mom, she really emphasized, we are a family," said Ian of mother Ginger, who passed away in 2004. "We're fifth-generation Washingtonians. My mom was born here and it was just important to her this idea of being Washingtonian. I think we're just committed to each other. We're a family and there's times where people get steamed with each other about something, but we never have like the awkward Thanksgiving nonsense. But partially because we see each other almost every Sunday for dinner anyway." If the conversation roams toward music at the family meal, Katie can certainly chime in about taking Ian to his first concert, featuring Queen and Thin Lizzy in 1977. Ian noted that Katie always possessed cool records and was ahead of her peers in the music game. She wasn't a punk, but was a proponent of going to see live music of all sorts, including arena-rock bands and tunes with a faster bent like witnessing the Ramones with Ian in 1979. Katie still attends gigs, and aside from venturing into the music scene, she's voyaged across the country twice on her bike. She's a badass, Ian said. Alec, 52, remembers Katie toting a clutch of records back from England around Christmastime in the late '70s. Generation X, Eddie and the Hot Rods, the Damned and a 10-inch sampler featuring X-Ray Spex were soon blasting throughout the household. "The moment I heard it, I was just clocked in. It was the best thing I had ever heard," Alec said. Ian was a self-proclaimed Ted Nugent "Double Live Gonzo" devotee before latching onto punk music a few months before Alec in '79 or so, thanks to his high school friend Bert Queiroz lending him some Sex Pistols, Damned, Clash and Tuff Darts records. "I had to really get in on it and think about it 'cause I was so puzzled by the whole thing. But I gotta say, it clicked and I was like, 'Oh, I'm in, I love this stuff,'" said Ian, who remembers debating with kids in high school about whether punk sucked or not. When Ian cut his hair, he recalls rocker Alec and his friends teasing him about the new look. Soon, Ian and Alec would be a punk duo, delving into the music together, attending gigs in DC and performing in bands like the Slinkees, Teen Idles, Untouchables, Faith, Minor Threat and more. Further down the road, Embrace, Ignition and Fugazi would continue to put the MacKayes and DC on the map.

Little sister Amanda got in on the punk action as well. It wasn't just the music that spoke to the MacKayes, it was the surroundings that punk offered and a way for them to click with family and the other like-minded people they encountered. Amanda's entrance onto the scene occurred at age 9 and was captured in a classic photo of her and Katie watching the Slinkees play a garage gig in August of '79. Amanda laughs when the photo, featured in the book "Dance of Days," is mentioned. "It was like a lightning-bolt moment for me. The funniest part of the memory for me is that Kim Kane of Slickee Boys, he was just so kind, he is so bright in my memory of that show. It's just interesting to think about the fact that of all the things to remember about that moment, it is someone I wasn't even related to," she said.

A young Amanda, center, with Katie behind. From "Dance of Days."

While she doesn't remember any of the music, "I remember, and this is probably sort of like the core of my feeling about punk, is I just  remember the freedom and the intimacy. I think I was wearing a Johnny Rotten button, but it was a homemade one that Ian or Alec had made. You're in a garage, there's not like a real stage, just running around with people I didn't know who were happy to see me. We're all just there and there's like this joy, which is what I think of, that sensation is what sort of propels me in every aspect of my personal definition of punk. It's wrapped with this joy." For Alec, dipping his boots into shows in the punk realm marked both an advancement into his formative teen years and a punch of chaos into his musical tastes. "I think I liked the intimacy of it all. Before that, I had just been to see arena rock, some of the huge bands like Queen and Santana and large-scale things. Then going to smaller shows was really the ticket for me -- it still is," said Alec, who mentioned attending small shows by Bad Brains, Slickee Boys, Tru Fax and the Insaniacs at first, and bigger ones with the Cramps, Damned, Clash and B-52s. The energy of those shows was infectious. "I really was digging on that abandon, you could really lose yourself in the music. Everybody else was on the same page and it didn't seem like it was very well-controlled and that part was super exciting for me. That was what I was responding to right away," Alec said. Alec began his punk transformation on the clothes and hair front in middle school and said that people thought he was a nerd or a freak. At age 14 and now in high school, he joined his first band, the Untouchables. He's still singing today with Hammered Hulls and Ian plans on taking them into the studio soon. On initially getting up on stage, shouting out lyrics and bouncing his body all over the place, Alec said, "I was pretty introverted before that, and I still am in a certain sense, but I also became an extrovert by being in a band and not being afraid to be standing on stage and doing things that a lot of people would not be up for. I was up for it, 'cause it gave me license to act out in ways that were just fun. So that was a big change for me. With punk rock, it felt like I had a new persona and had a little bit more vigor." Ian's mind was blown when he saw the Cramps play in DC in '79. It was his first punk show and was a seminal event for the area's punks. "I thought it was incredible. The first show was the Cramps and that was complete chaos and really, really exciting and so dangerous feeling and terrifying," he said. "At that point, I had seen Queen twice and Nugent three times, and they were all arena shows, so my relationship with music was really, when you saw bands, you saw them in that kind of setting, and bands were, as you know, unapproachable in that setting." The Cramps show in a hall at Georgetown University was wall-to-wall packed with punks. And it was nuts. "(The Cramps) were so in your face and everybody was really losing their shit. People were jumping up and down," said Ian, noting that as the sold-out show progressed, the long tables that people were standing on soon began to break and he could see "human formations descending into the crowd." People also were seen squeezing through transom-style windows to get into the fray. "Punk was wide open, and I just wanted to get in," Ian said. "It was instantly just on, so I felt it was great. Super engaging. It was like you're walking down the street and you find a box, and you go, 'That's an interesting box,' and you bring it home and when you open it, it's a box of infinite learning -- and I'm still learning." "Some people in the world think of life in terms of phases and then there's other people who think of it in terms of flights of stairs, and that's I think where we're at," he added about the MacKayes. Ian's still got the Evens, a two-piece with him on guitar/vocals and his spouse Amy Farina on drums, in the back pocket but they haven't been active lately. Another band with Joe Lally on bass, Farina on drums and Ian on guitar/vocals is nameless at this point and they have a record in the bag and awaiting a future release. They played two gigs last November, but the band is on hold until Lally returns from tour with the Messthetics, which also features former Fugazi drummer Brendan Canty.

Ignition

For Ian, after the seeing the Cramps, he felt that what they were doing was pretty straight forward and so he got the Slinkees happening. "I wanna be in a band, I just wanted to play music. I wasn't then and I still don't think of it as a career. To me, I just wanna play music. I just do the do, I just work with what's in front of me," he said. That Slinkees garage show, with his family members in the crowd, kicked things off and the MacKayes have never stopped. The punk ethos still rings true. The idle teens are adults with children and they continue to make an impact in the music world and on the people they encounter in their day-to-day lives. Their family is your family. We're all in it together. "I honestly wasn't thinking about sort of the juxtaposition of me as an audience member or me as a performer because that's kind of the point, they're not that different. We're making a show together, that's what we're doing, the audience and the bands," Ian said. Alec knew he would be a punk-rock lifer from the get-go. "I gotta say that there never was even a doubt in my mind. I have known people in my life that, 'that's a closed chapter,' they move on, they grow up, they put away childish things or whatever. I think when I got into punk rock, in my head it was a forever thing that I would be 120, if I ever live that long, and still be doing it, on some level, I just didn't know how," he said. "So that's been a thing that as you go through life, navigating how you can still relate to it and how it can work in your life. It just stayed with me, I never stopped listening to music and I like the energy." "It's a feeling and it's real as they say, as I said in a previous band," laughed Alec, who works full time in an art museum and thrives on learning about history, philosophy and cultural things. He also gets to travel the world, and recently attended a hardcore show in Tokyo while his art colleagues took in different sights. Some things never change, right? Keep your key in the ignition of life and go wherever the fuck you want. "It's astonishing to me that when I was in Tokyo, there was a flier for a Faith/Void re-release. To me, it's been almost 40 years of doing stuff and it just keeps going," Alec continued. On a recent day, I walked into a Barnes & Noble and saw a Minor Threat record with the first two EPs at the front of the M rack. Alec sits on the cover with his head buried in his arms. It's an iconic image that I first witnessed when I purchased the original red 7-inch at Zed Records in Long Beach, Ca., in 1981.

Alec said that someone recently showed him a photo of that image emblazoned on someone's back as a tattoo. "That particular image is not me, it's anybody. That's the one that the  everyman punker can relate to. Yes, it's a trip to see that everywhere still. It's really got legs," he said. Like a lot of us who got into the punk scene back in the early '80s, those early MacKaye bands had a major impact on Amanda. As a youngster, she had those tunes at her fingertips, literally right when the tapes came hot from the studio into their home music deck. Lives were changed when the play button was pressed. "They were my older brothers and I already looked up to them and tried to do whatever they were doing. I found the whole thing instantly exciting. The energy of it was just hypnotic for me and I immediately sort of gravitated to it," Amanda said. "My parents played a lot of records and my mom played piano. There was other music, we didn't really listen to mainstream radio that much. I definitely was aware of 'mainstream rock,' but really at a very early age, like 10-11-12, I was in a conflict with my peer group because I was listening to Minor Threat and they were listening to (mainstream music)." "Some of the general-population music stuck with me, but mostly I was sort of in an instant weirdo zone because when I was trying to get people to listen to my Walkman, it was Minor Threat and they were like, 'Eww. Why?'" she added with a laugh. "Some of the 'why?' for me was that I was totally awestruck by my brothers and I was super proud of them and wanted to tell everyone like, 'No. No. No. I'm related to these people.'" Like family members do, the self-proclaimed tomboy gravitated toward whatever Ian and Alec got their hands on: football and baseball cards and muscle-car Hot Wheels because Alec made models of those vehicles. Amanda, who these days works at a public high school with her husband, said that as a child, "I think that I always sort of felt like outside the circle. I felt like our family just didn't look like everybody else's family, we did things that were a little bit different." She tried to fit in with the other kids by playing soccer in elementary school, but she was admittedly a terrible player and hated the experience. Kids were mean to boot. "I couldn't wrap myself into it and maybe that added into why when I saw this group of people in this garage, who were like, 'Oh, hey, you're outside just like us,' maybe that's why it felt so good," she said of the Slinkees gig. "I'm still attracted to that warm embrace that punk rock gave to me as a young child. I love it when I find bands that are just warm from the get-go. You meet them and you feel like you've known them for a long time, or they play music and you just feel like, 'Oh, yeah, this feels right.'" Following in her brothers' footsteps, she formed her first band, The Headaches, as a pre-teen and they performed in living rooms. A quick insight into the experience was their theme song was ripped off from The Monkees and they had personas (she was the tough, cool person who looked like one of the Blues Brothers). Her punk path became more serious when she formed Sammich Records in high school and released an EP by her friends Lunchmeat and Mission Impossible and then many more records to follow. Ian helped her configure the label since he had experience on his side with Dischord rolling strong (Amanda and Alec also worked at Dischord for a awhile). At age 20, she began singing in Desiderata and later performed with the Routineers.

For the last 14 years, Amanda has booked shows at Fort Reno Park in DC, the spot where the MacKayes saw some of their first concerts. She likens the free outdoor shows to an incubator for bands to give it a shot and play out. She's received feedback that people are thankful their kids can see them play and see music and be able to expose their kids to something that drives them forward, she said. "I jokingly refer to it all the time as a labor of love. But it's actually much more serious for me than that, because at this point in the music industry or however you want to discuss it, the opportunity for people under the age of 21 or even 18 to see live music un-influenced by anything else is very rare in this area. It's like a dinosaur. I feel extremely emotionally  bound to do this because that's what helps me sort of dial in on what was important to me," said Amanda, adding that most venues -- aside from art spaces -- serve alcohol and have video or pinball games that infringe on the true musicality of the shows. "It's really really hard to find a pure experience where you're seeing music and that's all you're seeing. You're with your friends or your family or just with like-minded people. So, I'm pretty impassioned about keeping it going," she said of the Fort Reno gigs,

Heaps of music and crucial life lessons that they gained through the punk scene remains with the MacKayes. As they gather for the Sunday meals and for Susannah's birthday, the conversations are sure to be lively and insightful. The MacKaye children of today will have enough of their parents' stories and anecdotes to last them a lifetime, and they'll feed off those discussions and create vital paths of their own and experiences to pass on as well. "I suppose it's what I didn't learn that's kept me free," Alec said. "I'm pretty resistant to being led away from the things that I cherish. I didn't learn to grow up and be completely conventional, even though there's been plenty of peer pressure from adults. It's a cliche, but it's true, that you really need to stay true to the things that serve you best, and I've continued to do that." "I have two daughters and that's another moment where I just didn't know what that was gonna be like, being a father," Alec added. "I wasn't really afraid of being a father, I was afraid of being a member of the village. You know, they always say it takes a village to raise a child... to me, the village just fucking bothers me and they should just go raise their own children and stay outta my face. That was something I was worried about, but I found out there's other villagers that feel the same way, so that was a relief. I can be a father that isn't like the ones that you think are perfect, and that's OK, and my kids love that about me." For Amanda, she forever enjoys watching Ian and Alec perform and says it's a cool feeling to be still walking her own path. "At this point in my life, it doesn't hurt to be different. When I was 12, it was really complicated and painful for me that all the kids in the neighborhood thought I was weird and I didn't really have any friends, except for Josh who introduced me to Joan Jett, which was incredible 'cause it's still very prominent for me," said Amanda, who's still in touch with Josh. She's thankful for remaining true to herself since the day she stepped into the garage with Katie to watch Ian and the Slinkees. The high school she works at has a staff spirit week on tap and they're asking people to dress like they did in high school. Amanda and I laugh: "Same." (Except that she doesn't wear leather anymore, so that jacket of yore won't make an appearance.) Alec jokes that Ian's the ultimate storyteller of the family. He remembers occurrences with exact dates and years and relays the information in great detail, with verve and a dose of humor. Through the punk scene, the trio of MacKayes -- Ian, Alec and Amanda -- have woven themselves together. "In the '70s and the early '80s, there was a lot of chaos in our family, with our parents, and I think that punk probably was something that was very anchoring for us," Ian said. "And I think the three of us especially, really that was an important connection. It was something that we could feel committed to and it was a safe thing."

There’s Something Hard In There Blog

[smoulderingocean]

Nick & June Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag @potpourri-of-ecclecticism! Took me a while to sit down and get this all written out, but I enjoyed seeing what others wrote. :)

Here’s my (very, very) long post!

1.) What’s your favorite Nick & June scene?

There are just so many to pick from! I’m going to cheat a little and pick one from each season.

Season 1:

The moment in 1x10 when June tells Nick that she is pregnant and he reacts so perfectly by supporting her in the way that she needed. His reaction was simply pure love; love for June and love for their child that was just starting to grow inside her. 

While in 1x08 he had been worried about the risks that their relationship might bring them, especially June, that changed completely in 1x10. They were caught sharing that tender moment by Serena and Nick didn’t even flinch. He was determined to do right by June and their child and he tried everything he could to ensure that by being there for her no matter what. 

And likewise, in 1x08 he distances himself from June and closes himself off, whereas in this scene his reaction is pure vulnerability through his displaying of love. The way he stares at their hands together and presses his face into her arm was just so open and raw, especially for a person who had banked his survival on not forming attachments. In that moment though, he completely accepts his attachment and love for June because it is what’s best for the both of them and denying it just causes necessary pain and suffering in a place otherwise full of it. 

The pure love from that reaction is something that I completely adore. In Gilead love is forbidden and so any action of love is a form of resistance, and it’s the best kind of resistance. 

Another thing that I particularly love about this scene is that it’s really the only time that we saw Nick get to touch June’s belly. The whole pregnancy experience was stolen from them both, but this is a moment where they were able to grab onto something together and acknowledge that they made a new life together. It’s really very precious. 

Season 2:

My favourite has to be the Hawaii conversation in 2x12. The entire scene, from Nick smiling at June’s corny joke to June nervously sharing her desire to name their baby Holly to them both sharing in this fantasy of a normal family life together was just so much. It was so raw and vulnerable and emotional.

This is the first moment they’ve gotten alone together in a number of weeks and I love how Rita senses their desire to be alone together and so she makes an exit and gives them the opportunity to get that much needed time alone together. Things start out a little awkwardly because they’ve gone through this huge change -their baby is here now- without getting the chance to address it. But then they finally get that chance to address it and it is such a beautiful, tender moment.

From a character standpoint, I think this is a fantastic scene. June’s survival tactics have switched from attempting to distance herself from the future to engaging in hopeful thoughts about it. Meanwhile for Nick, he’s become so much more open and vulnerable with June. 

There are so many little details about this moment that I love. The lighting is bright and airy and very much gives off a hopeful vibe, signaling that it truly is possible that Nick and June will be a family together and that they’ll get their sunny day at the beach. Another detail from this scene that I love is how Nick’s voice inflects when he says the word “family”. You can tell how much he wants for that to happen and how scared he is that it won’t, and it’s just very sweet and vulnerable. The way that June and Nick moved towards each other as they built up this dream was very fluid and almost dance-like, and it really pointed out the ease they have together with how buoyant their movements are around each other. It was also kind of flirty in a way, hinting at the desire that’s always bubbling under the surface when they’re together. You could tell at multiple points that they wanted to kiss.

And this is also the first moment that they truly get to be parents together, with their baby now out in the world. Nick says the word “mom” out loud when talking to June. They agree on the name Holly together, with June obviously caring what Nick thinks and Nick immediately working the name into his mind. June’s joyful reaction after he agrees that the name sounds right is one of the most beautiful ones on the show. It was just a very sweet moment, even though you’re also very conscious of the fact that their child has been forcibly taken and kept from them. 

Together, they’d brought to life a hopeful fantasy of a beach day. That fantasy starts off as just that- a fantasy. But as it progresses, it becomes more real. As soon a June says “she’s gonna love the beach”, that idea goes from a fantasy to a promise they’ve spoken. They’re going to get out of that hellhole and they’re going to go the beach, any beach, and have a good day.

Another small part of this scene I like is how obvious it is that Nick would be completely overjoyed if Holly ended up just like June because he admires June so much and thinks so highly of her. He couldn’t imagine anything better than for their daughter to be just like her. It really speaks to the depth of not only his love for her, but his admiration and respect as well. 

Honourable Mentions:

When June chooses to go to Nick’s room in 1x05 and they share a passionate night together. Everything about this scene is amazing; the fact that the scene is clearly female gaze oriented, the focus on female pleasure, the emphasis on non-verbal communication with a partner in how Nick realizes and respects June’s need for control (I can’t emphasize enough how great this is from a consent standpoint and a female pleasure one), how Nick doesn’t touch June until she’s undressed them both and has guided him towards the bed, female pleasure as resistance, how nudity is used to express vulnerability, etc. It’s a fantastically done scene and I fully believe it’s one of the best, if not the best, sex scene on tv. 

The wall kisses in 1x06 and 2x07. The pleasure and the vulnerability of these scenes is really great. There’s something so emotional about these two kisses that express vulnerability in a way that’s different from the sex scenes. They’re just so raw and emotional and passionate. 2x07 is especially great as it’s a moment where June realizes that Nick is willing to die for her and that thought frightens her and so she allows herself to live in the love she has for him before getting to work on protecting him as best she can. 

Of course the moment where June, Nick, and Holly are all together alone in 2x13. The build up to this scene was intense and you could feel how deeply longed for it was. Then it finally happens and it’s just so beautiful. It’s a release of emotions for Nick and June both and they just live in the love they’re feeling in that moment because it’s safe for them to do so and because it’s something they’ve needed to do ever since Holly was born. This is also the first time that Nick is acknowledged as a daddy and that just struck me so intensely. He’s this first time dad who is frightened when he first holds his child and you can see how much this longed for moment means to him. The joy on their faces as Nick held Holly for the first time was just beautiful. They got to be a family in that moment and it’s so intensely emotional. Then June, who is really living in that love, expresses her love for Nick to him and it just blows him away. This moment was such a huge shift for them and the implications for the future will be huge. And again, Rita senses their need to be alone and grants them that privacy, and not only that, but she smiles while briefly watching it too. It’s a really great moment all around.  

  2.) Which scene between them did you find most heartbreaking?

With a show like this, there’s a fair share of heartbreaking moments too, so again, I’m going to cheat and do one for each season.

Season 1:

I think the forced ceremony in 1x05 is incredibly devastating. Here are these two people who have started to build trust together and find happiness in each other while navigating their feelings (I fully believe Nick was in love with June by this point and that June was beginning to develop feelings of her own) and physical attraction, and then suddenly Serena reminds them of who is truly in control and so she uses their bodies as tools to achieve her own end. 

Throughout the scene, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. This moment had been building up between them since the beginning, but instead of being beautiful and passionate, it’s horrifying and devastating. Serena twisted what should have been an intimate, pleasurable, and consensual moment into one of sexual assault. Neither Nick nor June could truly consent to this and you could tell it devastated them both. 

This is also the first moment where June gets a more intimate look at the person Nick is by seeing his things and the photo of him with his brother. These should have been things that Nick had the choice to share with June, but that was taken away from him too. 

And yeah, it’s a really sad moment and one that truly showcased how horrible Serena is, in that she’d treat these two humans as playthings just so she could steal their baby and get the social benefits of motherhood.

Season 2:

I think the entirety of 2x05 would be the most heartbreaking. There wasn’t one particular moment between them that was most heartbreaking, but rather a series of cascading events that were increasingly heartbreaking.

You start with June in the midst of a mental breakdown, going deep inside herself and surviving under the cloak of her “Offred” identity because for those weeks, being June was too painful and too hard. Meanwhile, Nick watches helplessly for weeks as June doesn’t acknowledge him or her own name. He watches her detach herself from their baby, under the obvious terror that she’s so close to having to give her up. It’s a time where she needs him more than ever because she can’t be strong in that moment (no one can be strong all the time), but he’s helpless to do anything substantial. He tries what he can, but nothing works. And so in his greatest hour of desperation, he turns to Serena, hoping against hope that she’ll do something to make June mentally ok again. But she doesn’t and instead, she feels threatened and ultimately results in Nick being married off to a teenage girl against his will in order to remind him that he has no control here. It was also done to provoke an emotional response in June, which it does, though not in the way Serena wanted. And so June chooses to go outside to die because everything in that moment is too unbearable for her.

When Nick goes outside and his intuition tells him something is wrong with June and he finds her dying in the rain, bleeding out as she lays on the ground, it’s his worst possible nightmare come true. As I discuss in this post, everything in this moment stops in Nick and shatters. The worst possible thing to him is losing June and their baby and now it could happen to him. He was completely devastated and not at all in control over his emotions in that moment like he normally is. The way he held June in his arms and screamed for help was the cries from someone who has been broken.

Just the build up of multiple heartbreaking events made 2x05 the most heartbreaking to me because all put together, it’s a terrible set of circumstances that June and Nick are in. 

Honourable Mentions: 

The “breakup” scene in 1x08. After an emotional night where Nick had to yet again helplessly watch as June suffered at the hands of Fred and seeing her emotional devastation as he drives them back to the house, he calls off the relationship. In his flashback, we see Nick say that it’s better to not form attachments. Obviously by that point something awful had happened to the people he cared about and so he wants to preempt that pain by trying to avoid becoming attached to June. Except that obviously fails because he’s in love with her and nothing will make those feelings go away. In addition, I think that Nick was worried that Fred could sense his attraction to June (just based on how Fred taunted him with how beautiful June looked), and so he thinks that keeping his distance would help keep June safer. It’s June’s utter devastation from this that really makes the scene heartbreaking. With Nick she’d created something good and now he was taking that away, giving her nothing but scraps of information when she deserved so much more. 

In 2x09 when Nick brings June the information he obtained while in Canada. I am so glad that Nick shared the things he learnt, because June absolutely deserved to know. But it was a devastating moment because you could feel the utter heartbreak in him. He brings June this information that initially caused her pain from fear and then joy at the news that the people she loves are safe. It hurts Nick to say those things because that’s not a life he was a part of, nor is it one that he feels like he could be a part of in the future. In this moment you could just see how the pain of not getting to be a family with June crushes him; the way he faces the window and rubs at his face and tilts his head back after telling June about Luke just said so much. And then before he goes, he reminds June that he loves her and in him saying that, he’s also telling her that he loves her too but that he doesn’t expect anything from her. He wants her to be happy and so he (rightfully) gives her the control over how to achieve that, even though it hurts him so much because she and their baby are seemingly his only family left and they might not get to be a family in the way he wants them to be. 

At the end in 2x13, when Nick sees June and Holly in the window before they make their escape and they share a silent goodbye. This is one of those “positive heartbreaking” moments in that what’s happening is objectively good even though it’s hard to watch in a sense. Nick very well in that moment could be saying goodbye to June and their daughter forever,  not long after holding Holly for the first time and June telling Nick that she loves him. June could be telling Nick goodbye forever with their daughter in her arms after sharing a beautiful moment with him and they might not ever see each other again. It was them separating, even though it was for a good cause, and so that was sad. In an ideal world they’d get to be a family together in Canada after surviving everything. But this is Gilead and that might not happen and so that moment might have been the last one they shared together. (Of course June has since chosen to remain in Gilead and I’m certain they’ll reunite, but Nick doesn’t know that yet.) And yeah, it’s a good kind heartbreak, but it was still heartbreaking in a sense. 

3.) Other than Nick or June, who is your favorite character on the show?

This is a hard one, but I’m going to have to go with Janine.

Janine, who has been through so much, is able to keep her faith and is able to find joy and beauty among the horror. She loves people so deeply and sweetly, while also still retaining part of her biting personality. Despite it all, she’s also retained a sort of innocence that is relieving to watch because they haven’t managed to take everything from her. 

Janine has such lovely friendships with the people around her. The dandelion in the colonies with Emily is one that stands out.  I love how her optimism keeps Emily from completely losing herself in such a horrid environment. The wedding she planned for Kit and Fiona was a moment of selfless kindness that is so rare in Gilead. Her excitement over June’s pregnancy and baby was just so sweet because you knew she was genuine about it. (This one is both sad and lovely in that you can see her losing herself, but you also know she’s right in her adamence that June is the baby’s mother.) 

I love how Janine and June both mother each other in different ways, as we tend to do for our friends. Janine’s innocence and volatility puts her at significant risk for harm. Meanwhile, June’s emotional compartmentalism puts her at risk for a different type of harm. They balance each other out in a way that attempts to mitigate those risks and they make each other stronger in a way. 

Janine is a good mother too. She knows that babies need love and contact and emotional connection. She shows in her contrast with Naomi that not everyone is fit to be a mother and how socially prescribed motherhood is harmful to everyone involved. She also shows that just because you are wealthy and seemingly mentally well does not mean you make a good parent, and that just because you are poor and mentally ill does not mean you’d be a bad parent. So often poor and mentally ill people are shown to be bad parents, but they buck the trend with Janine which I think is great.

Honourable Mention:

Rita. She’s a badass who obviously cares very deeply for June, Nick, and their baby. 

She’s whip smart, observational, and sarcastically funny. She’s also incredibly brave in how she risked everything to get June and the baby out. So few people are willing to take risks in Gilead (understandable considering what happens) and so anyone who does so is amazing. 

I find her fascinating. I want to know more about her and her life from before. I’d love to explore her friendships with June, Nick, and the other Marthas. I want her to get out to Canada with June and Nick and be a badass godmother to Holly. 

And yeah, I have a lot of feelings haha. Congrats to anyone who actually reads the whole thing haha, because this got super long!

[1422kilometres]

Here are 10 + 1 things I learned while organizing our wedding: 

1. Don’t have expectations from people. Especially not the reaction you would like them to have. You are the star of your narrative, but for other people you are just a supporting role. 

2. Don’t overshare in the beginning. Keep some secrets and share bits and pieces only when things cannot be altered. 

3. It is a myth you cannot organize a wedding in less than half a year. I did it in 2 months, and you can do it too.

4. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness. No two weddings are the same, so don’t be afraid to take an alternative route. 

5. You can never be overprepared, so start early and be efficient.

6. Don’t overestimate the superstars. There are a million talented, kind-hearted vendors out there who are not so busy and unattainable as the biggest names in the industry. Rising stars are more eager to work with you than the actual megastars with a million clients. 

7. Be a good client. I got a lot of positive feedback about being a “dream client”, which is of course an overstatement, but I firmly believe that the universe gave me this title in exchange for all those years spent working with really sucky people in the creative industry. So…write detailed, but concise and clear briefs and never ever forget to be kind. 

8. Early spring can save you a lot of money and headache. Since everyone wants a late spring or summer wedding, all the vendors are booked “in the season” or the ones that are not booked are extremely expensive. However almost all the offers I received contained an “out of season” discount for early spring which was very lucky, as I have always wanted an early spring wedding with lilacs and cherry blossoms in bloom. That is my favourite time of the year. 

9. Use the advances of modern technology. It is quite romantic to jot down pieces of information in your Moleskine and put a little heart over the i in the word wedding everywhere. But on the long run your mailbox, Google Docs, Instagram, Pinterest, Word and Excel will be better friends if you want to be efficient. 

10. DIY. I have a clear vision for a couple of things I want to have at our wedding e.g.  the material of the ring holder, the wedding collar for my dog, the bouquet I am going to throw away. Instead of briefing someone and paying a lot of money to have these done, I will just do/order them myself. Outsource things you cannot do e.g. photography, the cake, a wedding arch etc. but don’t let everything out of your hand. 

+1. Try to enjoy the process as much as you can. Do it together with your spouse, but everyone should do the part they are good at. Take mental snapshots of important milestones (and actual photos too). Appreciate this amazing journey you are about to take as a couple. And don’t forget to talk about something else every now and then. :)

***

A little additional background info:

Disclaimer: I have the most wonderful friends and family in the world. I feel extremely lucky to have them in my life. 

BUT. :D 

Since I started organizing our wedding I realized that people can’t be genuinely happy for each other. They can act like they are, oh my, they can be real Meryl Streeps about it, but I don’t think they truly are, not without an ulterior motive. I am not throwing stones, I probably did the same whenever my friends and relatives were getting married. 

Iliza, my favourite female comedian grasps this in a hilarious way in her latest Netflix special, the Elder Millennial. In that she talks about people’s reactions after she told them she got engaged. It is dead on. Just watch it, you will see. 

Even when your people try their hardest and ask questions while putting up their best “I’m so happy for you” facade, you still feel a certain undertone. A pulsating little “bore someone else with this” stare or vibration in their voice. Or in some other cases, they are really happy for you and then hit you with a question like: “You are not inviting cousin this and that??? But they will be insulted!”

In spite of it all, I am having the time of my life organizing the shit out of our wedding. I think all of my project management experience, all of our travels around the globe and all of my control freakishness led up to this point: the wedding.

Don’t get me wrong, it is not going to be a big, fat, Hungarian affair. It will be a tasteful, romantic little ceremony in my home town on a little island, in the middle of a lake. There won’t be a party afterwards, because we don’t like wedding parties (at least we have never been to a really good one). The bride and groom cannot spend quality time together and they cannot spend quality time with anyone, because there are at least 50 people around them waiting to be entertained. The food is usually mediocre at its best, the music sucks, some relatives always get drunk and being around them becomes just bloody awkward. And there is the added pressure of “how long it is appropriate to stay”. 

We decided to have a more intimate celebration, where we have the time and energy to BE with each other and make it to the hotel afterwards in time for our bedtime. There will be a dinner after the ceremony, with our parents and siblings in a great restaurant (Márga Bisztró on the Szent Donát estate) with the most beautiful view of Lake Balaton I have ever seen. Also, the day after we will have brunch with our closest, most dearest friends at the lake. What could be more perfect than this?

Another thing we are doing different is that we are not asking for presents and money either. We do want people to bring us envelopes, but instead of money, we want them to write kind notes, or pieces of advice for married life, or next week’s winning lottery numbers, or just draw or take a photo of something and give it to us. 

All of this of course would not be possible without the help of the most amazing people in the wedding industry. I would like to share a list of our vendors, because we are so extremely happy with them. They are incredibly nice and helpful people with impeccable taste and for a reasonable price in each and every case. Our invitations are currently being prepared by the Fanatic Calligrapher, and she is absolutely amazing. She has just sent the first draft and we are in love with it. Our photographers will be Just Stay Natural, a couple I worship on Instagram. My bouquet and the decor will be created by the incredible Toboz Művek , they are effortless, efficient and extremely kindhearted people, and their works take my breath away. I also ordered a couple of decor accessories from Natural Wedding Decor, they have some beautiful products that perfectly fit into our vision. The cake is from Egy csipet torta, who were  the biggest POSITIVE surprise. I was really afraid at the beginning that they have become such superstars that it will be next to impossible to work with them, which was the case with some of the VIP people in the wedding industry. But I was wrong, they are nice, professional and responsive and I cannot wait to taste their cakes and design ours together. We also wanted macarons for a dessert bar and who else would do it better than Chez Dodo. The fingerfood for the ceremony will be provided by an old high school classmate, running a very modern and healthy catering service, Four Bites.  David’s outfit will probably come from Massimo Dutti, although that we haven’t decided yet. One thing is for sure though: he is going to wear a high top Supra, because we both heavily dislike traditional “formal” men’s shoes. He will look so rad! We will also have a consultation with Ági of Dimesso about the rings in February, we are so looking forward to that too. 

And when it comes to my dress: it will be another dream coming true, as I will be marrying the love of my life in Daalarna Couture. Initially I saved up for it and then David surprised me with it for Christmas. I am so humbled by how lucky we are to have found each other 7 years ago.

I hope I deserve David and our life together. 

And I also hope I am not dreaming all of this. 

***

The photos are credited individually, but here they are again from top to bottom: Egy Csipet Torta, Just Stay Natural, Chez Dodo, The Fanatic Calligrapher, Toboz Művek, Daalarna Couture, Natural Wedding Decor, Just Stay Natural, Dimesso. 

[secretcswriter]

Going Home for Christmas

Summary: When Killian Jones’ best friend Emma Nolan asked him to come home with her for Christmas acting as her fiancé, he never could have guessed what it would mean.

Find all Chapters Here

Also Read it Here: ff.net

A/N: A thousand apologies for the delay! I found myself incredibly busy this week. I hope to be on a better schedule from here on out. Enjoy!

Chapter Four | Engagement Party Brunch

 Killian wakes up to the smell of Emma in his nose, a pleasant scent he’s almost desperate to get more of.

 He smiles to himself and shifts in bed, as if it’ll give him more of the smell. When his eyes peel open, he finds himself with Emma’s hair against his nose, while her body lies curled away from him.

 Right. They’d fallen asleep together in her bed.

 And he’s probably in love with her.

 Right.

Killian rolls onto his back and claps his hand over his eyes as he steadies himself.  Today they’ll celebrate their engagement with her family, and he presumes her friends from this country of hers will be there too.

 It’ll be interesting to see what she’s like with them, and to get the details of what she was like as princess of this country.

 Emma’s phone suddenly begins vibrating before a gentle alarm begins to play. Emma stirs slightly beside him. The song gets louder and louder and then she grunts and grabs for the device to shut it off.

 Relieved, she sighs and collapses back into place.

 “If you’re going to have a shower, you should do it now.” Emma says in a tired grumble.

 Killian sits upright and stretches his legs out over the edge of the bed before he shuffles into the giant closet for his clothes.

 He returns to the bedroom and finds himself staring at Emma for just a few seconds too long, enjoying the sleepy way she stretches her arms above her head while she rolls onto her back.

 She looks over at him and it’s only then that he realizes he needs to move for sake of maintaining some degree of control over the situation. He pulls on a smile, lifts his eyebrows playfully, and goes into the bathroom.

 It’s big and bright, with frosted glass windows letting the morning light in.

 Killian sets his things down and turns to face himself in the vanity mirror. He meets his own eyes and sighs heavily.

 “What have you done?” he asks in a quiet whisper. He lifts an eyebrow. “Better yet, what are you going to do?”

 His reflection has no response to either question, so he shakes his head and turns to the shower to get his morning routine started.

 + + +

 “What do you do at an engagement party brunch?” Killian asks Emma while she rifles through her closet in search of a pair of shoes that will match the pretty white and maroon dress she’s wearing.

 She’s a vision today, with her hair tied up in a ponytail that brushes against her back every time she takes a step and her long legs on display. It’s doing absolutely nothing for his heart.

 “Um… I guess you celebrate your engagement over brunch,” Emma replies with a little quirk of her eyebrow. “And don’t freak out, but I think there are going to be a lot of people there.”

 Killian narrows his eyes slightly as worry begins to stir within him. “Emma, you don’t think there would be… media photographers there, do you?”

 He hears her stop moving. It feels as if the air has been sucked out of the room.

 “Well, now that you mention it,” Emma steps out of the room, hands on her hips. She wears a worried scowl. “Yeah. Probably.”

 Killian sighs. “I suppose we just have to play along. I mean, your family already loves me and knows who I am so it isn’t as if we can hide from anyone else.”

 Emma throws her head back on a groan. “I just wanted an easy week.”

 Killian moves quickly toward her and presses his hands against her arms. “Hey, they might not be there. It might just be brunch with your parents and Leo. Easy does it.”

 She gives him a weary look. “You clearly don’t know my mother.”

 He tilts his head to the side and smirks. “You’ve got me. I promised I’d help you however you needed it, so you need not worry.” Killian lifts his pointer finger to her nose and bops it. She scrunches her face up and laughs. “There it is. I’ve missed hearing you laugh.”

 Emma rolls her eyes slightly, a smile still on her lips. She takes a step away from him and toward the nightstand where her engagement ring sits. She slides it onto her finger and turns back to him.

 “Okay. You ready to take on the day, fiancé?”

 “As I’ll ever be.”

 + + +

 Brunch is held in the ballroom, complete with an assortment of nearly anything he could ever possibly think up or desire all set out on tables beneath strung up lines of sparkling lights and flowers in mason jars on cloth in Christmas colors.

 There are servants ready to help him at every turn, something he’d be overwhelmed by were he not taking avid notice of just how nervous Emma seems by all of the attention.

 There’s a banner hanging over it all, with the words Congratulations Emma and Killian! written on it. All around the room, there are a great number of individuals he hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting just yet.

 Emma takes a steadying breath as they approach the party.

 “You alright?” he asks lowly. He reaches for her hand and she takes it, gripping it tight.

 “I don’t know yet. Let’s see how this goes.”

 “Emma! Killian!” Mary Margaret practically sings as soon as she sees them. “Good morning!”

 Killian chuckles and bends down to kiss her cheeks as she kisses his. “Good morning, Mrs. Nolan. This looks like a fantastic party.”

 “Oh, I’m glad you think so.” Mary Margaret grins. She turns to her daughter, who has since let go of his hand and instead holds her own in front of her middle. “Emma, you look beautiful. Doesn’t she look gorgeous, Killian?”

 Killian stares at Emma and takes in her look again. He’s made just the slightest bit breathless by it, even if he’s been looking at her all morning.

 “Aye,” he says, surely smiling like a fool. “Absolutely breathtaking.”

 Emma blushes ever so slightly, as if embarrassed she’s embarrassed, and looks away from him, at her mother instead. “So who’s here, Mom?”

 “Oh, I invited members of the council and some of your friends.” Mary Margaret says. She smiles at Killian. “I hope you don’t mind, Killian. I know it’s probably awkward not knowing anyone.”

 Killian shrugs it off. “No, not at all. I’m sure they’re all just as curious about me.”

 Emma meets his eyes and smiles softly. “They’ll love you.”

 He can’t help but feel encouraged by her words. He hadn’t realized he needed it before coming down to brunch and seeing all of the people gathered to, well, meet him. It’s a big deal, apparently, the princess coming home with her fiancé.

 He supposes it has been five years since she’s been back, so the excitement everyone must be feeling is exponentially more than he can fathom.

 “Now, I know this is probably going to seem overbearing, Emma, and you can say no,” Mary Margaret says, already seemingly quite apologetic. “But I asked a few photographers to come and I had hoped we could get a few pictures out as our official announcement of your engagement a little later today.”

 Mary Margaret looks between them with a nervous smile. He knows she means well, but an official announcement of any kind is terrifying in just about every aspect. He’s sure Emma will say no- she has to if she wants to maintain the secret nature of their pretending.

 But to his complete and utter surprise, Emma wraps her hands around his arm and nods.

 “Yeah. That’s fine. I don’t mind.”

 She’s grinning when he looks down at her with widened eyes. His heart twists violently, her excitement to suddenly make matters worse for their situation making him ever more cautious with every passing minute.

 “You sure?” he asks.

 Emma nods. “Yeah.”

 He takes a deep breath and lifts his eyebrows at Mary Margaret as Emma slides one of her hands against his to take it.

 “Well, I suppose photos are in order, then.” he grins at the queen.

Mary Margaret giddily claps her hands. “Yay! Okay, well, why don’t you guys go grab something to eat, and in a bit, we’ll do the pictures.”

 “Okay,” Emma smiles.

 Mary Margaret flashes them one last smile with her hands clasped together above her heart. “I’m so happy you’re home, Emma.”

 “Me too.” Emma replies softly and with a level of honesty he hadn’t anticipated.

 He watches the queen wave at them before she’s whisked away by a servant. His heart races and he turns to Emma.

 “Darling, not to panic you in the slightest by this decision to take photos for an official announcement or anything, but what on God’s green Earth do you think you’re doing?”

 Emma grimaces and shakes her head. “I… don’t know. I got caught up in the moment. I…”

 “Killian! Emma!” Leo’s voice interrupts Emma’s answer.

 They both turn to her younger brother smiling. “Hey, Leo!”

 “Killian, you ready for our hike this afternoon?” Leo asks.

 Killian chuckles. “Are you kidding? I’m more than ready. I can’t wait.”

 Leopold bobs his head and turns to his sister. “Emma, do you want to come with?”

 She hesitates for a moment, looking between them. “Ah… no, it’s okay. You guys can do your bro bonding time without me.”

 Leo grins. “Awesome.” He claps Killian on the arm. “Hey, I’ll be around. The waffles are killer. Don’t eat too much.”

 Killian laughs warmly along with Emma’s brother. He waves back at the prince and turns to his best friend again, still grinning.

 “To brunch, then, darling?” He sets his hand on her lower back and walks with her toward the tables of food.

 As they approach, Emma’s attention is ripped away from him, instead to a few of her childhood friends, whom she gasps and embraces tight.

 “Emma, it has been so long!” a pretty blonde says. She grins at Emma sweetly, her hands pressed against Emma’s forearms and Emma’s pressed to hers.

 “I know. I’m sorry!” Emma grimaces.

 The woman looks at him as Emma wraps her arms around another friend, this one a brunette.

 “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” the blonde asks, tilting her head towards him. She looks as if she could burst with laughter.

 “Of course I am.” Emma turns to him, smiling wide. “Um, Killian, this is Elsa, and this is Aurora. Guys, this is Killian, my fiancé.”

 His heart skips a beat to hear her say the words again. He beams at her friends and extends a hand to shake.

 “Ladies, it’s a pleasure.”

 Elsa and Aurora’s postures are important, which indicates to him that they might also be royalty, but he doesn’t know much else about them, or about anyone here.

 “I’m so glad you were able to come for Christmas.” Aurora says. “We’ve missed you, Emma.”

 “Yes, we really have.” Elsa agrees. “And now that you’re back, we need to have girls night if there’s the time.”

 Emma grins as she steps back into his space. He wraps an arm around her easily. “Well, Killian’s going on a guy bonding hike with Leo later today, so we could see each other then?”

 Elsa and Aurora seem to adore the idea. They both nod.

 “I will make sure everyone knows and we’ll meet at our favorite spot.” Elsa says, keeping a wry smile on her lips. She looks at Killian again. “It was great meeting you, Killian. You seem very happy with our Emma.”

 He smiles down at his fake fiancée and hums. “Aye. I like to think we’re quite happy.”

 The girls laugh and Emma turns back to her friends. “I’ll talk to you later. Where are you sitting?”

 “Over there,” Elsa gestures to a cluster of tables with people seated around. “Anna’s too pregnant to come over here and greet you herself. You know she would otherwise.”

 Emma gasps. “No way! I had no idea!”

 Elsa smiles happily and nods. “Yes. I know. I should get this plate of chocolate pastries back to her or she’ll have my head.”

 Emma chuckles. “I’ll be right over.”

 Elsa grins as she hurries off to the table with Aurora in tow. Emma moves away from him and smiles to herself as she grabs a plate and begins to decorate it with a meal.

 It’s nice to see her happy. She seems carefree, and it’s for that reason, along with the fact that there are ears everywhere, that he doesn’t press the engagement photo issue again.

 He supposes it will hurt more when it’s all over, for her parents at least, but for now there’s no harm in playing along.

 He and Emma make their way to the tables alongside her father, who has a lot to say about all too much. He seems to have taken too much of a liking to him, but he doesn’t mind it. Having not grown up with a father, there’s part of him that craves this sort of attention.

 They sit together near Elsa and Anna, and Anna’s husband Kristoff. The man is quiet, but when he has something to say he says it with a happy smile.

 Killian finds himself glad that all of these people are here, even if it’s a rally together for an engagement that won’t last. Maybe it’ll mean Emma will want to come back home. Even if he selfishly doesn’t want that, because he doesn’t want her to leave, it does seem like she fits here, and he knows her family wouldn’t say no to her return either.

 Emma sits close enough to him that when she turns, he gets her hair brushing against his cheek and her fingers brush against his thigh from where she’s holding onto her chair.

 She turns to him to smile at a story Leo’s telling about something Emma had done as a young girl, something silly regarding Leo and a jar of peanut butter, but it has everyone laughing.

 Dare he even think it, he feels as if he belongs here.

 “I would like to make a bit of a toast,” David says as soon as Leopold’s story winds down. The king stands from the head of the table near Mary Margaret. “Emma, I’m so happy you agreed to come home and introduce Killian to us. And I’m glad I finally get to meet the man who will one day soon be part of our family.”

 Killian smiles, although starting to feel a little uncomfortable. Emma’s fingers press against his leg to stop it from jiggling as frantically as it’s begun to and he turns to her at the sudden pressure. She smiles softly at him, as sweetly and lovingly as he imagines she would if she loved him.

 His heart skips a beat.

 “It’s been a few years since I met Mary Margaret,” David continues, prompting a little bit of laughter from the gathered, including Mary Margaret. David grins down at his wife happily. “We’ll be celebrating thirty years of marriage soon and I can’t imagine what it would be like if we hadn’t ever met.”

 Mary Margaret’s smile is wobbly and her hands clasp together over her chest as she mouths the words, “I love you.”

 David turns to the group with a happy grin. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, Emma, Killian, you’re about to start a path down the most beautiful and messy and frustrating years of your life. But when I look at you, and the love that you share, I know you’re going to make it a long, long, happy marriage.”

 Killian quite honestly isn’t sure how he’s still breathing, with the weight of the king’s words bearing down on him like this. Emma’s hand is still pressed to his leg, and his stomach is in knots. He regrets having eaten half as much as he did now.

 “Just… don’t let your kids near the peanut butter jar until they’re old enough to use it wisely.”

 Resounding laughter rings out throughout the tent and Killian’s reaction is slow, only encouraged by Emma, whose chuckle is soft in his ear.

 He turns to glance at her and covers her hand with his as a source of comfort.

 David lifts his glass. “To the happy couple.”  

 It being a toast, Killian lifts his glass to do the same, again, taking Emma’s lead.

 “Here here!” Leo cheers with a wink sent their way.

 It’s only as they’re toasting their glasses that he realizes there are photographers in the room, capturing the moment, and Killian’s stomach tosses all over again. He turns to Emma, eyebrows lifted as he savors the taste of the champaign.

 She smiles at him gently, if a little nervous, and he finds himself staring at her lips.

 He’s too far gone for her, isn’t he?

 “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” a cheer suddenly sings out.

 Emma shoots whoever said it a quick glance over his shoulder, and he’s just cognizant enough to crack a playful grin as people start tapping their glasses with silverware as if it’ll coax them into it.

 “Well?” he asks Emma.

 She searches his eyes and shakes her head slowly, grinning just a little. He makes the first move, leaning in close with his eyes shut, and as soon as their lips touch, it’s all he can do but start floating up out of the castle.

 It’s the most magical feeling, kissing her, as if a dream come true.

 Killian reaches up to cup her cheek and he delights himself in what moments remain of this blissful experience. He isn’t sure if she feels it too until when he leans away, completely breathless, and finds a shell-shocked look in her eye that’s quickly replaced when she realizes where they are.

 She smiles shyly to herself and a blush finds her cheeks at the cheers, whistles, and claps.

 It’s just a kiss. It’s just a kiss. It’s just a kiss.

 No, it’s not. It’s so much more than a kiss.

 They return to their meals quietly while the room buzzes with excitement and he looks to Emma to see if she’s alright after what just happened. She seems just fine, although she sits back in her chair as opposed to eating anything that’s left on her plate.

 He opens his mouth to ask if she’s alright, but he’s interrupted when Emma’s nice friend Elsa comes to stand behind them, her hand gentle where she sets it on his shoulder.

 “Excuse me, lovebirds, but I have a present for you.” Elsa smiles wryly.

 Emma turns to face Elsa with her head tilted sideways and a puckered smile at her lips. “Elsa-”

 “We at Arendelle Estate would love to have you come visit us for our annual New Year’s Eve banquet, ball, and fireworks spectacular.” Elsa says quickly. “And you have to say yes, because it’s been five years, Emma Nolan. Five!”

 Emma laughs. She bites at her lip slightly and turns to look at him. They communicate silently, with raised eyebrows and half-smiles. He hopes she knows that he doesn’t want to extend the charade through the new year, but it’s hard to say, considering they’re going to be taking engagement announcement photos at some point in the near future.

 “We…” Emma turns back to Elsa smiling apologetically, “have to get back to New York right after Christmas, and we already have plans for New Years with Killian’s brother. Sorry, Els. You know I’d love to. It’s always so fun.”

 Elsa sighs. She shakes her head and looks at Killian. “Bring you brother along! It can be a new tradition!”

 Killian winces briefly. He’s still in disbelief that this is happening, and somehow they keep making it worse. If things keep moving this fast, they’ll be married by Christmas morning.

 “I don’t know… we can think about it.” Killian says to Emma.

 She meets his gaze and nods in agreement. “Yeah. We’ll think about it.” Emma smiles at Elsa and reaches out to squeeze her hand. “Thank you for thinking of us.”

 “Of course.” Elsa says with a kind smile that reaches her eyes. “Killian, you and I should chat while we’re here. We’ll be here until Christmas Eve for the ball.”

 Killian’s eyes widen at Emma and she laughs. “Yes, there’s a ball.” Turning to Elsa, she adds, “I haven’t told him about all of the Misthaven traditions yet.”

 Elsa chuckles. “Well, you’re in for a treat, Killian. I hope you know how to dance.”

 Killian stares at Emma and she laughs as she lifts her shoulders on a shrug. She pats the spot just above his knee and rubs a soothing circle. “You’ll be fine, babe.”

 He doesn’t feel fine and he presumes he won’t feel fine for the entirety of the trip.

 What he really needs is a drink. Maybe two.

[thekillingquill]

Question Marks & Emoji Hearts 1/2

Pairing: Peter Parker x OC Word Count: 3,799 Warnings: This is my first ever attempt at writing a fluffy fic. Summary: Step 1: Get her number. Step 2: Engage in some accidental flirting. Step 3: Never let her go. A/N: This is part 1/2 because this fic ran away from me, joined the union and demanded more words. Real Talk: I’m so god damn nervous about this fic (I’ve had like 27 crises of confidence.... so shoutout to my friends for dealing with me). Any feedback on this fic would be the fuel necessary for me to confidently and efficiently finish part two. I’m also keeping a tag list for when I post part 2. Okay thanks. Let’s go!!!

Peter Parker is speechless, his jaw relaxed in an expression of unfiltered awe. His eyes are frozen on her and he knows he’s staring, but he just can’t stop. He’s convinced that he will never see anything this beautiful ever again.

She is 7,541 pieces of perfection waiting for him to do something with her.

“I know,” Ned says, patting his friend on the shoulder. “I cried when I saw her for the first time, too. Check out the BB-8 droid that came with it and it has two buildable Porgs and a buildable Mynock.” Peter’s head turned sharply toward his friend.

“Dude, no way.” If getting the Lego Death Star had been difficult, finding the newest Millennium Falcon set had been a miracle. Ned’s parents were going to get it for him for Christmas, but it sold out in less than a minute so they stuck an I.O.U. in his stocking. Peter throws his backpack, with the Spider-Man suit inside, into the corner of Ned’s room and narrowly misses the desk lamp.

Peter settles down on the floor and reaches for the box to read the specs while Ned sits on his computer chair, lowering it to the ground. Ned swivels toward his desk and turns on an old clock radio, tuning into a news station so they can listen for anything that might require Spider-Man’s assistance.

They work on the Millennium Falcon for about an hour before Ned’s phone slips out of his pocket and lands in front of Peter with a soft thud followed by a loud vibration against the carpet. Peter flips the phone over and nearly drops it again when he sees who is calling: Autumn MacGowan, complete with a contact photo. The picture had to have been taken in the last five days because she got a haircut on Tuesday (Peter thought the shorter look suited her nicely).

Ned pulls his phone out of Peter’s loose grip and answers the call enthusiastically.

“Hey Autumn!” Ned pauses and his smile brightens considerably. “I’m good, thanks. How are you doing?” Peter moves into a crouch, leaning closer to Ned and focusing on listening. He can hear her soft voice, tinny through the phone, responding to Ned with her thoughtful way of speaking.

“I’m fine, thank you. I’m actually calling because my plans for tomorrow have fallen through. I was wondering if you’d like to get together after school.”

“Yeah, that would be great! I’ll see you tomorrow.” Her laugh washes over Peter and he closes his eyes, trying to memorize the sound.

“See you tomorrow, Ned.” Peter opens his eyes in time to see Ned hang up.

“Yo-you have Autumn MacGowan’s phone number?” Peter asks immediately. Ned shoots his friend a perplexed look.

“Yeah, we have history together.” Peter gulps, eyes widening and lips pressing tightly together with nerves.

“You guys--you have history with Autumn MacGowan?” He asks in a daze. Ned reaches out and presses the hand holding his cell phone against Peter’s shoulder. Peter looks down at his friend’s hand and then quickly back to Ned’s worried expression.

“Yeah. We’ve got to do a presentation next week on how American history has influenced media. Autumn suggested that we focus on how Hollywood exploits historical figures for profit.” It takes a few moments for Peter to decipher his friend’s words. It clicks and his mouth opens in shock, eyes widening further.

“When you said history you meant like the class!” He blurts and Ned frowns.

“Yeah, what did you think I meant?”

“I-I don’t know! That you guys dated, maybe.” Ned laughs with his head thrown back, rotating in his computer chair lazily.

“You like Autumn! Hey, do you want her number? She’s really nice, she probably won’t mind.”  Peter places both of his hands on Ned’s shoulders, squeezing gently.

“Th-that would be incredible! Thank you!”

“Guy in the chair,” Ned announces with pride, tossing Peter his cell phone.

“Guy in the chair,” Peter echoes as he leans back, catching the phone deftly while falling out of his crouch and into a more comfortable seated position. His fingers move swiftly to type in Ned’s passcode. Peter quickly pulls up her contact information and he pauses to admire her contact picture. Her hair is pushed over her left shoulder and the soft half smile combined with the sparkle in her eyes makes his stomach jolt with excitement.

He shakes himself from her spell to pull out his own phone, which has seen better days, but pauses before entering her number. He taps his fingers on the side of Ned’s phone before coming to the decision to open a new text message.

Can I ask you a question?

Hardly a second has passed before the three dots materialize and then a reply comes through.

Always.

Peter’s fingers fly quickly over the letters, formulating his question.

Can I give my friend Peter your number? Parker. Peter Parker. He’s in your chemistry class. And Spanish. And gym.

“What are you doing?” Ned asks with a laugh. Peter looks up at his best friend with a sheepish smile.

“Well I uh, I thought it would be best if we asked first, you know? It might make her feel weird if I just texted her. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or-or think I’m creepy.”

“Oh. Good idea.” Peter glances down at the phone in time to see that she replied and for the screen to lock. He rapidly types in the passcode, and the two letters in her reply makes him feel like he’s soaring.

OK.

He starts transferring her number, and her picture, to his phone’s contacts. He takes care to ensure that each number is punched in with accuracy. He’s thinking about how he’s going to start a conversation with her when Ned calls his name. Peter hums softly in acknowledgement, struggling to pull his focus off his phone.

“Peter, Queens needs Spider-Man.” Peter scrambles to get up off the floor, sliding to his backpack in the corner. He pulls out his suit, and turns to toss Ned his phone back, holding his own up to his best friend.

“Text me the details,” he tells him before slipping out the window and climbing to the roof.

Hey it’s Peter. Can I ask you a question? He reads back his words for the third time and lets out an elongated sigh of exhaustion. Peter’s thumb hovers over the send button and he thinks about apologizing just in case she’s busy and his message intrudes on her private time.

He indulges himself with a fantasy of her in her bedroom, back pressed against her headboard and a book resting on her breasts. Her hair will be a mess of curls, a result of her recent haircut, and her eyes will move swiftly from left to right as she devours each sentence. They will follow the rise and fall of her book as she breathes. He imagines that her lips will part in shock at an unexpected twist.

He pulls himself out of the fantasy and taps send, putting his phone face down on his stomach with a groan. He’s still wearing the Spider-Man suit, minus the mask, and feels too tired to move from his bed to strip it off and hide it away. The aching in his muscles is a sign that he had a good patrol and it makes Peter feel like the streets of Queens are at least a little safer tonight.

Peter’s phone hums under his hand and he tilts the screen up tentatively, afraid to get his hopes up, but it’s her. He brings the phone forward and he unlocks it to read her message.

Hey, Peter! Ask away. Sent at 1:59 AM. Peter chokes on his breath, noticing for the first time just how late it actually is. His fingers move swiftly over the keys.

What are you still doing up?! He presses send on the message before he has the chance to overthink it. Her response comes just as quickly and Peter takes a moment to appreciate the fact that he’s actually having a conversation with Autumn MacGowan.

Is that really what you wanted to ask? She took the care to include an emoji with its tongue sticking out which lessens the sting of Peter’s embarrassment. He hits send on his new message again before he succumbs to his own social awkwardness and lets the conversation die.

No, I actually wanted to ask if we have any chemistry. Peter sets his phone to the side, satisfied with his excuse for texting her, and finds the energy to roll off of his bunk bed. He lands soundlessly in a crouch, wincing as his body throbs in pain. Bzzz. He straightens up to loosen the fabric of his suit and lets it fall away to leave him standing in the middle of his room wearing nothing but his red and white plaid boxers.

He clumsily kicks off the suit and moves to the mirror in his bedroom. Bzzz. He can’t see any bruising and experimentally moves his limbs to come to the conclusion that he’s only dealing with muscle aches. Bzzz. Peter leaps lithely onto the ladder of his bunk bed at the sound of his buzzing phone. He feels around on the mattress, groaning when he can’t reach it. He crawls across the mattress, grabbing his phone and flipping onto his back with one leg still dangling over the edge.

Is... that a pickup line? Peter’s eyes widen in horror and he scrolls up to his last message.

“Oh my god, Peter, you idiot.” He whispers to himself.

Wow, Parker, I didn’t think you’d be so forward. Peter groans.

“I wouldn’t.” He says out loud to his empty room.

Full disclosure: I’m impressed. The execution could have been smoother, but I’m still impressed. His stomach clenches at her last message, is it butterflies or nerves? Peter’s fingers fly rapidly across the keys, doing as much damage control as one can at 2:00 am.

I’m so sorry! I meant do we have any chemistry homework!!!??? I’m an idiot. He didn’t mean to hit send. The I’m an idiot was meant to be something cathartic for himself. He doesn’t need to TELL her he’s an idiot when he’s perfectly capable of showing her, obviously. His phone buzzes again.

1. Chemistry homework was to read the next chapter. 2. You’re not an idiot! You’re one of the smartest guys I know. 3. I’m still impressed, okay? 4. As you pointed out earlier, it’s late. So I am going to go to sleep. See you at school! 5. I don’t like my numbered lists to end on an even number. <3 Peter grins at his screen, his stomach jolting again at how unexpectedly adorable her message is.

Thanks! Have a good night. He throws his head back dramatically with a groan. All he wants is to keep talking to her, but he just straight white male-d the conversation.

Every night for the next two weeks, Peter has to start the conversation from scratch with Hey, can I ask you a question? To Autumn’s credit, the answer is almost always prompt and positive. And every night, Peter learns something new about her.

She has an older sister named April. And a dog named Gatsby. She likes Thai food and she thinks having her phone at the dinner table is rude. Her favourite class is photography and she likes when he wears shirts with science puns. She drinks a hot chocolate every day.

Each time she shares something personal about herself with him, Peter feels like he’s flying.

Or maybe he’s falling.

“Looks like Yearbook Club is out to get pictures before school. Hey, how’s my hair?” Peter looks up from his textbook at the sound of Ned’s voice, glancing at his friend from around his locker door and then down the hall. His eyes are, as usual, drawn to Autumn MacGowan immediately.

Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, the shorter length allowing for strands to escape the tie and curl around her neck where her camera hangs. She cradles the camera delicately, one hand under the base and one curled around the lens. Autumn snaps pictures as she walks down the hall. Walks towards him, Peter realizes with a jolt of excitement.

Their interactions at school have been minimal: a hand raised in recognition, prolonged eye contact across a crowded classroom, a quiet hello as they pass in the halls. His favourite, though, is the smile she seems to have reserved just for him. It’s the kind of smile given to someone you share a secret with and seeing it never fails to thrill him.

He tries to temper down the feeling of excitement and waits for her to pass by, to flash him the secret smile, but she stops in front of them. Peter’s breathing stutters in surprise, his heart pounding harder in his chest.

“Good morning Ned,” she greets, disappearing behind her camera to snap a quick picture of him. “I heard a rumour that we’ll be getting our marks back today.”

“That’s awesome.” Ned turns to Peter, nudging his arm. “We crushed it.”

“Wh-what?” Peter asks dumbly, looking quickly to Ned before bringing his gaze back to Autumn. He knows that he’s staring, but he can’t seem to help it. For the first time since she stopped to talk to Ned, Autumn turns her gaze on Peter.

“Our presentation. The one for History class? I told you about it.” Even though Ned is speaking, Autumn doesn’t let her eyes stray away from Peter.

“Yeah, yeah, I remember.” Peter mumbles to Ned. He sucks in a shallow breath as Autumn’s lips form that secret smile. A little bubble of laughter slips past her lips and he can only stare at how it makes her glow.

“You wear grey really well, Parker.” And then she snaps a picture of him, so quickly that he doesn’t have time to conjure a smile. “I like the red plaid you have here.” She stops cradling the lense of her camera to bring a finger to touch the collar of his shirt. Autumn takes two steps backward and tilts her head to the side, like he’s a work of art mean to be admired from a distance. And then in a much quieter, more intimate tone, she tells him: “You look very handsome, Peter.”

He looks down at his shoes quickly, trying to control his blushing, and then peeks up at her through his lashes with an embarrassed half smile. It’s the moment she is waiting for, and she captures it forever--the first time she sees him blush from something she’s said. Peter licks his lips nervously as she assesses the image on her screen, her bottom lip becoming trapped between her teeth. She taps her thumb on the side of the camera before looking up at Peter with her lips pressed tightly together and he’s frozen, waiting for her to decide how they move forward together.

“Can I ask you a question?” She asks tentatively. Peter nods enthusiastically.

“Yeah, yeah of course!” She takes a step closer to Peter, offering her camera to him.

“Would it be okay with you if I put this in my portfolio?” He glances at the image and then back at her face.

“Really?” He asks her with mild skepticism. She fidgets with the settings on her camera to avoid Peter’s gaze.

“Yeah, really. It’s a good picture. No, it’s a great picture, actually.”

“Yeah, it is. Of course you can use it in your portfolio. I’m-I’m honoured, really.” Peter can see her swallowing back what she really wants to say, has seen her do this a hundred times in class, but he wants to be the person she tells everything to. He doesn't want her censored. He wants all of her intricate thoughts, all of her ugly secrets, and even her most ridiculously random thoughts.

So he takes a chance and pushes her a little, the way she did for him on the first night he texted her.

"Is that really what you wanted to ask me?" She presents him with a closed mouth smile, the words locked behind her teeth. "I just get the sense that you want to ask me about more than your portfolio."

"It's not a question," she begins carefully, her gaze sliding over to Ned. Peter also directs his attention to look at Ned who has his thumbs under the straps of his backpack and an amused grin on his face as he watches all of this unfold. Peter clenches his jaw and gives a slight jerk of his head. Ned doesn’t seem to be picking up on what Peter is trying to communicate.

"It's more like a request," she finishes. Peter looks back at Autumn quickly, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Anything." She laughs again, her head tilting back and her hands tightening its grip on her camera.

"Peter, you don't even know what it is!"

"Well, I will if you tell me." That brings that secret smile to her face again and Peter feels a surge of pride for being the person solely responsible for putting it there. Her smile diminishes slightly as she looks around the hall.

“Can we go somewhere a little more private?” She asks quietly, beginning to fidget with the focus lens on her camera. Peter shoots a quick look to Ned, assessing his best friend’s reaction. Ned nods emphatically, adjusting the straps of his backpack.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, we can do that.” Autumn’s eyes are bright, Peter thinks it could be from excitement, and she takes her hand off of the lens of her camera to reach for his. Peter gulps and follows her lead, slipping his hand further into hers to grip it. She smiles at him and gives a gentle tug, beginning to lead him away from his locker. Peter looks quickly over his shoulder at his best friend and Ned gives him two thumbs up and a supportive grin.

Ned isn’t the only student at Midtown who has taken notice of Peter and Autumn. Peter catches sight of Flash’s incredulous expression as they pass by.

“Was the Penis Parker with Autumn MacGowan?” Flash asks the person standing next to him. The disbelief in Flash’s voice gives Peter yet another reason to smile. Autumn squeezes his hand, rubbing her thumb against his wrist under the sleeve of his sweater. The main reason he has for smiling.

Autumn guides them into the library and brings them to the hallway on the left that leads to eight small study rooms for students to utilize. She walks up to Room 4, which is very clearly occupied, and knocks quietly twice. After a moment, the door opens a crack and Autumn whispers lowly to the occupant.

“I need the room.”

“Okay, for how long?”

“I don’t know, but you owe me.”

“I know. Let me just get my stuff.” The door closes again and after a minute or so opens again to reveal a girl that Peter doesn’t immediately recognize. She stands in the doorway, her eyes focusing on where his hand envelopes Autumn’s. A smirk slowly emerges.

“Oh, I get it now.” She says laughingly to Autumn.

“Shut up,” Autumn mutters defensively, pushing past the girl and pulling Peter along with her. The girl’s laughter is muted once the door shuts behind them. Autumn takes a deep breath, releasing Peter’s hand to lift her camera over her head and place it on the table in the center of the room.

His hand feels cold without hers. This change in location feels like it has ruined the flow of their conversation and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Autumn turns to face him abruptly, taking two long steps until she’s toe to toe with him.

"Please don't give that look to any other girls.” She pauses, taking another deep breath to gather her courage. “They might just go and fall in love with you, too."

It takes him a moment to process what she’s said, to recognize the fear and the hope in her expression. He feels too much all at once: disbelief, hope, adoration, pride, excitement, happy, brave, stupid, lucky, untouchable, and maybe something that could be the beginning of his first great love story.

So he does the only thing that makes sense to him in that moment.

“Hey Autumn, can I-can I ask you a question?” She looks up at him, her cheeks flushed and it seems to Peter like her heart may be cracked open just for him, and nods. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” her voice is soft, but sure. Peter honestly didn’t expect her to say yes and, now that she has, he isn’t sure how to proceed. One part of him wants to just dive in and kiss her, but the other part of him wants to take his time to really commit the moment to memory.

His hands shake as he brings them to touch her cheeks softly. He uses one hand to lightly trace along her cheekbone to her jaw until he is gently cupping the back of her neck.

“Are you sure?” He asks, because maybe she changed her mind.

Her answer is to curl her fingers in the collar of his shirt and lean up to press her mouth to his with intent. Peter inhales sharply through his nose, breathing in her scent of something sweet and citrusy, and takes his hand from her face to press against her back, keeping her steady. Her lips part slightly against his and Peter sighs in contentment, a sound echoed by Autumn when he pulls back to press a lingering kiss to her cheek.

Peter closes his eyes, pressing his face into her neck as she reaches up to wrap her arms around his shoulders in an embrace. He sighs happily and presses another kiss to her cheek. He can’t get enough of this feeling, of her scent and her warmth. It all feels like a very good dream.

“I’ve wanted to do that for months.” He whispers to the room. Autumn laughs, beginning to run her fingers through his hair. He bites his lip to keep from moaning at how nice it feels to be touched so gently.

“I’ve been waiting for that kiss since you held open the door for me at Freshmen orientation.” Peter laughs into her neck, squeezing her closer.

“Sorry I kept you waiting for so long.” The first bell rings and Autumn pulls away from him. Her smile is so beautiful.

“That’s okay. I knew you were going to be worth the wait, Peter Parker.”

TAG LIST: @writing-obrien; @ju-gg; @spiderparkerboy; @jvghead-jones-iii; @velvetacex; @tasteofswallowedwords; @winteroses; @thatsadbreakfastclub; @amycarstairs; @forsythe-pendleton-jones-iv; @sarahaera

[littlefrostfox]

Twinkle Bells and Trimmings

Hi @cyanidelemonade !  I - @littlefrostfox19 on tumblr - am your @mlsecretsanta for 2017!

This is my first time writing a fanfiction with the characters from the amazing show, so I apologies profusely if they are out of character in any way. I do hope you enjoy this one shot, and that you and your loved ones have a wonderful festive season, and a brilliant 2018! :)

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS IN THIS FIC!

 On ao3 and ff.net

Twinkle Bells and Trimmings - A Miraculous Ladybug Oneshot

Word Count: 3′433

Rating: General / K

“What do you mean I have to be the one to deliver this to him?!”

As she and Alya walked out of the Dupain-Cheng’s bakery, Marinette stared down at the slightly heavy cane basket that had just been shoved into her hands. When Rose had come up with the idea of their class putting together Christmas gift hampers for Ladybug and Chat Noir, like all of her classmates, Marinette had been incredibly inspired by the project. As class president, she’d spent the last five weeks leading up to Christmas helping to coordinate everything in an effort to make it as festive as possible. They had even gotten some donations from other students at the school, as well as community members who had been impacted by the heroics of Paris’ protectors. Marinette had taken every job she’d been given in her stride, even the budgeting, which with her busy schedule both as Marinette and as Ladybug proving somewhat of a challenge to keep track of. However, it was the simple prospect of her having to give Chat Noir his personalised gift basket - as Marinette - and engaging in conversation with the slightly cocky and constantly flirting superhero, that made her the most worried.

“Come on, girl,” Alya told her, as she walked beside her best friend, her head snuggled in amongst her fur rimmed hooded coat. “If you really didn’t want this job, maybe you should have paid more attention during the last meet-up.”

Marinette sighed, as her mind floated back to the day of the mentioned occasion. She had been late to that particular meeting- it was the same time as the conclusion of a gruelling Akuma attack on the outskirts of the city - and when she had arrived, she couldn’t help but fall to a few moments of rough sleep. When she had been awoken by her classmates, asking her what she had thought of a decision, she quickly agreed with them, despite having no clue what they had even agreed on. Only now had she realised the true extent of her personal error.

“Remember, we thought since you were the class president, we thought it only fair that you have the honour of giving it to Chat Noir,” Alya continued. “If you weren’t busy yesterday, you could have done yours when me and Nino gave Ladybug hers. Shame you couldn’t make it…I’m sure you wouldn’t have been THAT awkward in front of Ladybug.”

“More like having to try and pull off being both Marinette and Ladybug at the same time…that would be beyond awkward!” Tikki whispered, the kwami snuggled in a hidden pocket inside Marinette’s christmas scarf, her words soft enough for only her chosen to hear.

Marinette laughed, both at the truth of Tikki’s words and the energy that was overflowing from Alya, her friend unable to keep still from joy. Giving Alya the duty of delivering Ladybug’s hamper to the super-heroine was an easy decision for the group, however it did cause a slight argument between her and Chloe early on in the project. The issue was quickly resolved by Alya’s quick thinking, the girl suggesting that Chloe hold all responsibility over Ladybug’s Christmas card, which she told Chloe was ‘the most vital part of the project’. Upon hearing this, Chloe soon forgot about not being the one to give the gift to Ladybug, already planning what she was going to write to her greatest idol.

“I wish you could have been there to see me give it to her. Luckily Nino filmed the whole thing.” Alya could highly contain her excitement, the memory of the moment still fresh in her mind. “She looked so surprised when I gave it to her! Nothing could happen that could ever ruin the best Christmas ever!”

Marinette had made sure to keep as much distance as possible from knowing the entire contents of the Ladybug side of the present, wanting the moment where she received the gifts as Ladybug to be as genuine as possible. But nothing could have prepared Marinette for how much each of the gifts and notes meant to her. From the home-made chocolate chip cookies, decorated with miniature ladybugs and white butterflies (made by her own parents), to the mix tape filled with original songs to Ladybug (coordinated by Nino), each gift was so well thought out and personal. Even Chloe’s card, which the normally snobbish girl had put some many hours of her own time into, had so much though, love and appreciation into it, the card including masses of messages from people who she had rescued from Akuma's or people whose lives she had changed just by existing. The moment Alya had given it to her, she had struggled to keep it together, the experience bringing tears to her eyes.

“Anyway, enough about my fangirl moment,” Alya laughed, breaking Marinette out of her daze. “Now we need to focus on finding where Chat Noir could be right at this moment.”

Before Alya could even get out her phone, Marinette spoke up. “He’ll be on patrol around the Norte Dame. He’ll be there until lunch, to when he either be heading to the outskirts near Versailles or the Champs de Mars.”

Alya glanced at her quizzically, her eyes wide with confusion and surprise. “And how would you know that? Don’t tell me you’re studying Chat Noir and Ladybug’s patrol schedule like you do Adrien’s, are you?” She raised an eyebrow, a smirk forming on Alya’s face when she saw Marinette start to squirm.

“W-What? No, of course I don’t know! It was just a guess, that’s all! An simple, normal observation!” she stuttered, growing flustered. “I just thought they could be there because…I saw them there…y-yesterday! That’s it! When I was….was going to find some extra…tinsel… for the bag trimmings, remember?” It was a in an feeble attempt to back pedal, not wanting her secret identity to be revealed, but luckily it seemed it to the trick, Alya soon laughing.

“I was just teasing you, girl! In fact, I think I’m more the one who verging on the side of stalking if anything to do with Ladybug is concerned….” Alya put an arm around Marinette’s shoulder’s, relieving the tension from Marinette’s face. She then pulled out her phone, opening an app which Marinette hadn’t seen before. “Max helped me designed it while he was working on the electronic message chips for Chloe’s card. Now I can have updates on Ladybug and Chat Noir’s location, and any social media information on recent Akuma attacks at the touch of a button! It’s just a prototype, but hopefully it could soon take the Ladyblog to the next level.”

Within a few short seconds, Alya’s phone buzzed again, a green dot appearing on the on-screen map. “What do you know…turns out your hunch was right.” As she put her phone away, she pointed across the road. “Looks like he’s around the Square René Viviani right now. Lucky for us we were headed that way anyway.”

As Alya rushed across the park, Marinette had a mental note to herself. I will have to keep that app in mind the next time I transform….as if keeping my secret wasn’t already hard enough…!

Despite the sharp winter winds that filled the air, and the recent bout of heavy snowfall, the Notre Dame still had a reasonable amount of people nearby, the wooden chalets of the Cathedral Christmas markets nearby creating almost a picture-perfect festive atmosphere.

When she had caught up with Alya, she discovered she had already locked her sights on Chat Noir. Not like it was every really hard to spot him amongst the crowds during his regular patrol times, even more so during winter, his black leather suit easily distinguishable against the city’s white snowy backdrop. For this particular instant, the superhero in question, who was just finishing up having a photo taken with a small girl and boy in matching reindeer costumes, managed to spot Alya and Marinette out almost instantly, soon walking over to them.

“Joyeux Noël Chat Noir!” Alya called to him, her phone tightly gripped in her left hand, ready to start filming at the perfect moment. “Quite a….festive hat you’ve got there!”

At the bringing up of the green, red and white swirly Santa hat he was sporting, Chat Noir grinned, adjusting it with pride. “Purr-fect, isn’t it?” He did a small spin, eager to show his festive present off.

“Why the hat Chatton…?!” Marinette muttered under her breath, her partner still wearing the same silly Christmas hat she had seen him keep on his head for the last eight patrols. Despite her constant pleas as Ladybug for him to wear something else, he continued to wear it. The feline hero had proclaimed that he had grown quite attached to the handmade gift, given to them by one of the pair’s smaller fans. The festive puns adoring its brim may have also had something to do with his attachment, which caused a frustrated groan to escape Marinette’s throat at the very thought.

Alya whipped her head in Marinette’s direction, changing the subject. “Mari had a hunch that you guys would be here. Having a break from your daily patrol?”

Chat nodded. “We decided to change up our usual patrol schedule for the holidays. We’ve been handing out gifts for the past few days, and were supposed to be going around the city markets today, but unfortunately Ladybug hasn’t shown up.”

Dammit. Marinette mused, trying to hide her ashamed expression from Chat Noir. I completely forgot that we were supposed to be doing that today…

The idea that Chat had just brought up was of his own creation - a street based campaign of delivering small tokens of Christmas cheer and positivity, by none other that Paris’ most beloved and trusted superhero duo, all in the effort to bring up the holiday spirit in a city that was growing more paranoid with passing Akuma attack. He had pestered Ladybug about it for months, his partner always going back to the same argument that they should focus first on protecting the city against Hawk Moth. But after a little while, and a few annoying Christmas carols, she eventually gave into the idea, seeing its simple merit as well as the passion Chat Noir had put in to the organising of it all. It was simple in nature, but maybe small, constructive actions were the best way to get through this daily battle, and eventually defeat Hawkmoth himself.

“I know that she would have wanted to be here, but sometimes life gets in the way. Paris knows she cares, and so do I,” Chat nodded, smiling softly. “Ladybug, out of all people, needs to make sure she looks after herself. She’ll be back bringing joy to Paris when she’s ready.”

Alya nodded in agreement. “Well, if you two need any help with your campaign, just know that there are plenty of people that would be more than happy to help. You both deserve a break this time of year.” Hawkmoth had grown more ruthless than ever, Akuma attacks increasing to several per week, with the week before Christmas hosting one every day. While greatly rushing the superheroes off their feet, Alya had also become more exhausted with each passing day, her duty as soul reporter of the Ladyblog reaching maximum capacity.

Suddenly, Alya’s phone started blaring out a familiar ringtone, Jagged Stone’s latest tribute to the superhero pair Alya’s latest choice of phone alert. She glanced at her phone, her expression becoming conflicted. “Geez, its Nadja Chamack calling about my internship application at the TV station. Do you mind if I quickly take this?”

“Not at all.” Chat Noir said politely, secretly knowing how much Alya had fought to even be considered for this internship through his interactions with her as Adrien. “Marinette and I can get to know each other better. Can’t we, princess?”

Marinette nodded as well, trying not to let the annoying nickname bother her. “Go on, Alya. I’ll manage with this until you get back.”

After exchanging with her friend a quick thumbs up, Alya moved away, deep into conversation. Marinette turned back to Chat Noir, not quite sure how to continue their conversation. Small talk was more Alya’s domain, and although she had spoken to the superhero many a times - more as Ladybug as opposed to her civilian identity - she had always found it awkward to talk to him. Marinette had expected a witty remark or a show-offish moment from him, but instead was slightly shocked upon seeing Chat Noir standing in complete silence, appearing almost nervous. The pair stood in a silence for a minute or so, Chat Noir giving an occasional fist pump to passing children, or engaging in short conversation with families as he passed them a few Christmas treats from his matching gift sack.

When a lull appeared in the small talk, Marinette looked back to Chat Noir. Fighting against her sometimes hesitant nature, she lifted the cane basket up so she it was cradled in her hands. “The reason we came to see you was….” She slightly spat out, the teenager still trying to come up with her small speech in her head as she spoke. “I…I actually came to give this bag to you. It’s a gift, a sort of thank you present. It’s not mine….I mean, it’s not just from me. My classmates and I from Françoise-Dupont, and some families from across Paris made it.”

“That’s very lovely of you,” he replied, walking with her towards one of the small park benches a few metres away. “I will make Ladybug receives it as soon as—“

“Actually, this one is just for you,” Marinette interrupted, gesturing to the tag tied around the cellophane covered basket, the green writing and paw print stamps distinctively more suiting to Chat Noir’s aesthetic.

Chat Noir’s bountiful steps came to a halt, a shocked form of a smile sliding onto his usual over-the-top act. “I-I-It’s for me? Really?” he whispered, appearing genuinely moved and honoured. When they arrived at the seats, the two softly sitting down, Marinette handed the basket to him. Chat’s eyes widened, his now wonder filled green eyes switching between the collection of gifts and Marinette herself.

Carefully, Chat Noir started undoing the wrapping covering the hamper, the delicate nature of his unwrapping also surprising Marinette. He kept glancing at Marinette, as if to question if these presents were especially for him. He was sometimes left out by the media, all the fame and attention mostly directed to Ladybug, so maybe he had just thought that that would be the same case in this particular situation, Marinette thought. Or possibly, the thought causing Marinette to feel slightly sorry for the superhero, that he believed that he didn’t deserve this sudden spree of appreciation.

Finally, he reached for the first present in the hamper, Chat Noir now proceeding to fidget in anticipation. While she had avoided impacting too much on the contents of Ladybug’s hamper, Marinette had had more of an input into the details of Chat Noir’s, having helped all her classmates in the early phases of the project in the planning of their specific gifts for the feline superhero. However, with the recent collection of Akuma attacks, she hadn’t had much of a chance to see what the final products would be, or know much of the extra gifts added in-between.

Each gift had given a slightly different reaction, all of them linked by the joy he physically exerted upon opening them. The first was a framed portrait drawing of the feline superhero, an original digital art piece created by Nathaniel. While exactly capturing Chat Noir’s humorous and carefree nature, he had styled the superhero in somewhat of a majestic, almost prince-like manner, creating an image of a kind, brave, spirited and selfless protector. Shades of gold, yellow, green and silver, as well as some contrasting touches of purple in between, all displayed a side of Chat which, amongst all the bad puns and crazy antics, sometimes slipped her mind as Ladybug, as well as Marinette.

There was also a custom coffee mug- which apart from the colour scheme exactly matched Ladybug’s- given by Kim, a dictionary of the best puns of all time - a gift from Alix, which Marinette already knew she would come to regret suggesting -, tiny boxes of tissues with cartoon pigeons on them - given as a joke by Alya, which Chat seemed to find especially funny -, as well as lots and lots of Camembert themed treats - which were at first provided by Adrien, and then proceeding to her own parents, who along with providing some Chat Noir and Ladybug themed gingerbread, also donated a entire platter of different variations of local Camembert. She would have to keep that in mind for any future gifts as Ladybug to give to him.

Upon Chat getting to the bottom of the basket, Marinette pulled out a large envelope, which was also addressed to Chat Noir. He carefully opened it, revealing a detailed card, the front filled with photos of people with Chat Noir, as well as some of his well known Cat puns. Inside, he found a song, as well as countless messages and notes, all towards Chat Noir. Chat’s smile wavered, his glance unable to look away from the card.

“I was in charge of designing the card…” Marinette said, not yet noticing Chat’s expression. “Ivan and Myléne wrote the song inside. They’re really talented, aren’t they—“

She turned back to Chat, a soft sniffling reaching her ears. Without warning, Chat Noir wrapped his arms around her in a hug, squeezing her tightly. “Thank you Mari,” he told her, his voice filled to the brim with joy. “The gift and the cards…they’re beautiful…I never had expected to receive anything like this. I am beyond grateful for all the love and time you all put into these gifts. Thank you.”

Not knowing how to respond, Marinette simply smiled, returning the hug. Their tender moment didn’t last long, Alya’s loud voice causing the pair to flinch.

“Marinette! I thought I told you to wait for me before you let him open all the gifts so I could get it on film!”

Quickly, the two split apart, Marinette fighting uncomfortably, trying to explain. Alya smiled, shaking it off. “Ah well… the least you both can do is stay still long enough for a photo. So no running away, got it pussy cat?”

“Chat’s honour! Anything for this hero’s favourite reporter!” Chat Noir smirked, swiftly returning to his typical, cheeky facade. Marinette groaned, which caused Chat Noir to laugh again, before they both turned to face Alya for a few photos.

After engaging in some short conversation, Chat thanking Alya vigorously for the gifts, Marinette and Alya wished him farewell, Alya needing to rush back home to update the Ladyblog before the day’s end. Just as Chat was about to turn and leave, however, Marinette’s mind clicked into gear.

“Chat Noir, wait!”

Chat Noir quickly tuned back to face Marinette, who was rushing back up to him. “I forgot to give you this. It’s my gift to you. I hope you like it!” She carefully handed him a small handmade drawstring bag, which had a similar design to the card.

Chat nodded graciously, returning to the girl a sincere smile. Chat turned away slightly, quietly opening Marinette’s present. His smile widened, lightly chuckling as he pulled out a silver, white and red bell, covered lightly with small black and white paw centred snowflakes. Also in the bag was a soft gold ribbon, which had two small slips on it to allow the bell to be attached onto the spot where his typical gold bell resided. Chat Noir rushed to switch the bells over, carefully putting his old bell in the small bag, and then in his suit pocket for safe keeping.

He gasped lightly upon hearing its ring, the sound lighter and more delicate than his usual bell. He turned back to where the girl’s had been, the pair having left around a minute or so ago. Sighing, he notice a small slip of paper peaking out of the bell’s gaps. Curious, he pulled it out, unfolded it and started to read it.

To Chat Noir. Hope you find this present amusing and positively claw-some for the festive season. From Marinette.

[hillvalleyfilmsociety]

I saw three movies in the last week. They were pretty different to each other, but I quite enjoyed all of them, so I'm resurrecting my film blog to write reviews of them. To 2018, and resolutions to write more!

Call Me By Your Name (2017) Dir: Luca Guadagnino

I was very interested in this pre-release, even though I had never read the book. Luca Guadagnino caught my eye with 2015's A Bigger Splash, which is stylistically very familiar to CMBYN, and which I really enjoyed. Guadagnino shines in the aesthetic of his films, in the beautiful scenery and silences between sparse dialogue. Both create a languid, sumptuous mood - wealth and privilege on show, yet somehow not ostentatious to the viewer.

But where this mood creates distance and miscommunication between the characters of ABS, it brings the characters of CMBYN closer, creates warmth between them, bringing the viewer into Elio's extended family as easily as they welcome Oliver. The film is set over a summer in Northern Italy in 1983, and Guadagino skillfully captures the feeling of a slow, lazy summer pre-internet, where all there is for the teenaged main character, Elio (Timothée Chalamet), to do is lie around the pool swimming or reading, long family meals, piano practice or biking into town.  

Before I go any further, I have to discuss the opening credits, which go on for at least ten minutes and effortlessly set the tone for the casual opulence of the world of the film. Gentle, upbeat classical music plays over photos of classical sculptures - something that Elio's academic father and the grad student who he invites to work with him over the summer seem to be working in the field of - while the credits are written in a messy but elegant script, in a warm yellow shade. All of this somehow worked to already create the mood that pervades the rest of the film - casual wealth and intelligence, warmth and inclusion - before you even meet the Perlmans, and the beautiful villa they spend holidays in.

Some viewers might dislike watching films with wealthy people languishing in villas on holidays, but in the way that Guadagnino presents it, it's enchanting. I loved the feeling of seeing the easy, comfortable way the Perlmans (Elio's family) live on holiday, with their freshly made apricot juice and their family meals in a shaded grove. As I mentioned earlier, it creates a very welcoming vibe that helps you understand the mindset of the newcomer to this idyll, grad student Oliver (Armie Hammer).

The movie is really Chalamet's, and more on him below, but Hammer does quite well in a less showy role as Oliver - who has been invited to spend six weeks at an Italian villa working with an academic he seems to not have personally met before arriving. A great honour, clearly, but it's also awkward, and Hammer plays this slight dissonance well -  he's a non-European American (like the rest of the Perlmans) which is both exciting and awkward to the gathered family and friends of the Perlman. Hammer's Oliver is a lot of contrasts, both interested and scared/offended by Elio, both very confident towards him and very hesitant, both cool and dorky. Armie Hammer's being doing a few lower budget indie, and more off the wall projects since the Lone Ranger debacle didn't launch him into the leading man blockbuster stratosphere, and personally, I think he's much better in these than attempting to be another leading man type. (And for that matter, I am genuinely annoyed both he and Michael Stuhlbarg were passed over for Oscar noms, so they could give two to Three Billboards. It's not like Hammer would have got it, but I think he certainly deserved the nomination.)

As I said though, Chalamet is the standout - it's his story and he does a lot with it. His Elio is very reminiscent of the frustrating uncomfortableness of being a teenager - he's awkward, moody, bitter, cheeky, afraid, delicate and above all, real. What was beautiful about this film is how much everyone loves Elio - he's not always kind and good, but he is also a teenage boy - but his sexuality doesn't shut him off from other people. It's not an isolationist story, like a lot of queer film narratives are. While I can understand the urge to show that side of things, it's incredibly gratifying to see a film about a queer boy in the eighties, where if everyone doesn't know for certain they probably are aware of it in some respect, and they don't seem to care. They just love him, and Chalamet plays Elio's connections with everyone (not just Oliver) beautifully. He certainly deserves his Oscar nomination, even though he's not the favourite to win. He's also in the Oscar nominated Lady Bird, and my feeling is that (hot take alert) he's gonna be big.

Further from this, I love how tactile the characters in this film are. Elio is very cuddly and childlike sometimes with his parents, who are very affectionate to him - and no one tells him "a seventeen year old boy shouldn't do that" which is a blessing. He's very affectionate with the girls he's friends with. His later dynamic with Oliver - once they've admitted to feeling something  for each other - is very affectionate too, kind of awkward but in a sweet way. Not all their encounters are just these highly eroticised moments (which is not to say that none of them are). This makes their burgeoning relationship very real, like a seventeen year old boy fumbling his way toward a relationship that will always be meaningful, a first love more than just lust. Not that his dynamic with his sort-of girlfriend Marzia is unloving, just different, but no less sweet in its newness to the both of them.

On that note, I'm sure some people will say that there was a “lack of explicit sex scenes” in this movie. To that, I say PAH. It’s not like this movie is sanitised and sexless (hello, peach scene. yep.) It’s quite erotic in parts, quite good at conveying Elio's attraction to Oliver, and vice versa. But it feels like (unlike hetero love stories) that queer media is often all or nothing: either completely sexless, even affectionless even in a good relationship (Mitch and Cam on Modern Family didn’t even kiss on screen till like mid season two or three) or incredibly sexualised, and featuring intense sex scenes. This movie walks the rare line between the two - very affectionate (in private, natch) but allowing them the dignity of not being watched - as they always are, even by relatively benign eyes around them - in the moment of consummation. (For more on this - Jason Adams' delicate and moving review, Call Me With Kindness) It’s not even as though there are no on-screen sex acts in the film, either, so I'll say that I think it was a good, well-done balance.

If I had any slight problem with the narrative, it was that I found it hard to understand the progression of Elio and Oliver's relationship pre the mutual reveal of feelings - but that seemed to be a stylistic choice, and ABS was much the same, where the characters barely verbally communicated for a lot of the beginning arc of the film. It could be deliberately unclear- neither of them really know what the other thinks of them until they admit things together, while they're alone for once. Either way, it didn't much mar my enjoyment of their story which is emotional and complex but also very sweet.

The last thing I have to talk about is Michael Stuhlbarg, who is rapidly becoming one of my favourite actors (and who again, I am furious has not picked up any Oscar nominations for any of the great work he did in 2017). He was in two thirds of the films I saw recently, and he managed to be very moving in two small-ish roles. The scene where he tells Elio not to mock his friend and his male partner, that if he can be as knowledgeable as him and as good he'll be "a credit to him". Elio's father is a good man, and you can tell from this moment he doesn't care who Elio loves as long as he doesn't grow up boorish and ignorant. In fact, as much as the love story is engaging, my favourite scene of the file is when Elio and his father discuss Oliver after he has left. It was incredibly affecting to me - Elio's father doesn't come out and say he knew for certain about them, but refers to their "friendship" in the kindest, most respectful way, possibly even hinting about his own sexuality - not necessarily that he's closeted, but that he may have had an Oliver in his past he was too afraid to have anything happen with. Stuhlbarg is just so good, so affecting and plays really well off Chalamét, who allows Elio just the right amount of vulnerability and emotion.

Not to mention, Sufjan Stevens' two gorgeous original songs for the film, but I'll close this out by saying that there's a certain kind of idea about the kind of queer romance film that gets the Academy's attention - that it has to be sad, that the characters have to suffer and end up unhappy, and everyone can discuss how tragic it was. That sort of story is fine, because yes historically many LGBT people couldn't be open or take chances, and many did suffer. But that's not the only LGBT narrative to be told, even when set decades ago - and I'm thrilled to see films like 2016's Carol, 2017's Best Picture Winner Moonlight, and CMBYN tell a new kind of queer narrative where the characters are allowed to be happy even in an oppressive time, where the characters can break up and be miserable because of that (and not because of illness or bigoted violence), where the focus is just the love story. It gives me hope for the generation of younger LGBT viewers to see themselves outside of misery narratives.

4/5 stars

[whoimightbe]

When Michael met Jonathan...

“It’s me!”

I smiled at the sound of Michael’s voice. We weren’t dating but we’d been hanging out for a couple of months, going to dinner, seeing movies, binge watching shows on Netflix. We talked and laughed and it seemed like our friendship was moving into something more. I certainly hoped so.

“Come on in!”

“What...are you doing?”

I took my eyes off the tree and smiled as I turned to see him standing in the doorway, eyes wide and his mouth partially open.

“It’s called decorating the tree, maybe you’ve heard of it?”

“It’s November 3.”

“And?”

“It’s November 3!” He was quite animated as he walked toward me, clearly not on the same page as I was about when Christmas could start. “I mean, I haven’t even finished off all the Halloween candy yet!” He sunk into the sofa and sighed heavily. “You’re just like my sister.”

“I knew I liked her,” I smiled, hoping I’d get to meet his younger sister Liz some day.

“So are we not doing dinner?”

“Of course we’re doing dinner, why wouldn’t we be doing dinner?”

“Well you seem rather engaged with this and it doesn’t look like you’ll be done anytime soon.”

“Well, you’re right about that,” I answered then turned from the tree and walked toward the couch. “It takes me several days, which is why I start now. And I’m definitely ready for dinner. Let me just change clothes and do something with this hair.”

“You don't need to change, you look great.”

“You’re sweet,” I smiled. “But I’m a mess. Give me ten minutes.”

I felt giddy as I walked down the hall. He thought I looked great and was concerned that we might not be hanging out. I could hardly stop smiling as I pulled my t-shirt off then slipped into the new green sweater I’d purchased the week before. I pulled on some clean socks then slipped my feet into my boots. I heard the doorbell ring and yelled for Michael to answer it, figuring it was a kid selling candy or a neighbor bringing a stray piece of mail. 

After brushing my hair and teeth, I made my way back to the living room where I found Michael standing face to face with Jonathan, my ex-fiance who I hadn’t seen in three years. He’d called off our engagement just weeks before our wedding with that old favorite excuse of needing to experience the world, sow his wild oats, blah blah blah. I hadn’t told Michael anything about him and felt like my boots were filled with lead as I struggled to move forward.

“Jonathan.”

“Hi, Faye.”

Michael looked at me and I had no idea what to say. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Amy’s getting married.”

“Yeah, I heard that.” In a random small world moment, his sister Amy was actually engaged to the brother of a co-worker. I was looking at something on his computer when a photo popped up and I couldn’t help but look. I hadn’t seen or talked to her but from what my colleague said, she was doing very well. As far as I knew, though, the wedding wasn’t until the summer. “That doesn’t explain why you’re standing in my living room.”

“I see you’re still starting Christmas early,” he smiled, as if it were perfectly fine for him to be there, as if no time had passed and we were still together.

“Maybe I should go,” Michael said and reached for the door.

“No,” I snapped. “Stay.”

“I can see you’re busy,” Jonathan said. “I should have called.”

“Or you should have just stayed away.”

“Faye, come on, i just wanna talk.”

“Well I don’t.”

“It’s been three years.”

“I know very well how long it’s been, Jonathan. A woman doesn’t forget the day her fiancé left her.”

“Fiancé?” Michael looked stunned and I felt terrible that he found out like that. “I’m gonna go. Call me later if you want.”

“Michael, wait!” I pushed passed Jonathan to follow Michael out the door. “Let me explain,” I said, grabbing his arm as he walked away from the house. He stopped and turned and I pulled my hand away.

“How could you not tell me you were engaged?!” He was hurt and upset, and I couldn’t blame him. “I mean we’ve been dancing around this, I don’t know, whatever it is between us, and you...” He threw his arms in the air and sighed. “I  don’t know what to think right now, Faye. I just, I need some time.”

I felt ill. Tears filled my eyes then spilled down my cheeks as he turned and walked across the street. I watched him walk into his condo and wanted so much to run after him, to tell him Jonathan meant nothing to me, that he’d broken my heart but it was fully healed and that I’d been thinking about giving it to him. But instead I just stood there and stared at his house and watched the lights go on and off then saw him back his car out of the carport and drive down the street.

I took a deep breath, wiped my cheeks and eyes, then went back into my house where Jonathan was still standing in the middle of the living room. “I’m sorry, Faye. I didn’t know you were seeing someone.”

“You need to leave,” I said as I walked by him, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and cry. “Just pull the door closed behind you.”

“I need to talk to you, Faye.”

I turned around and threw my arms up. “What could you possibly have to talk to me about, Jonathan? It’s been three years! You just show up, out of the blue, and think you have the right to talk to me? That’s rich.”

“I know I don’t deserve it, but I just need a few minutes.”

“And then you’ll leave?”

“If that’s what you want.”

I sighed then motioned toward my couch. “Fine. Sit.”

I sat across the room on a footstool and stared at him until he spoke. As I looked at him I realized how tired he looked, how the gray he used to cover religiously was more prevalent than I remembered, and how he genuinely looked sad.

“What is it, Jonathan?”

“Grandpa Stu died.”

“Oh,” I sighed. Jonathan’s grandfather had been a favorite of mine, a sweet man who was an incredible musician. He and I used to sit together at the piano and sing carols at Christmas, and we’d even worked up a special number for the wedding. 

“He loved you, you know.” Jonathan smiled. 

“The feeling was mutual.” I felt ill. I’d been so awful to Jonathan and he was hurting deeply. “Was he sick?”

“Just at the end, but you know, he was 95 years old and it was his time.” I nodded as I wiped a few tears from the corners of my eyes. “Anyway, the will is being read tomorrow and you’re supposed to be there.”

“Me? Why?”

“Well, I guess maybe he’d never changed it since we were, you know, so...”

“I don’t think I should be there.”

“He’d want you there, Faye.”

“I need to think about it.” He nodded then stood and reached into his coat pocket.

“Here’s the information.” 

I stood and took the envelope he handed me. “I’ll think about it.”

“Thanks.” He turned toward the door and I didn’t follow. He turned back before reaching for the handle. “It’s really good to see you, Faye.”

I couldn’t say the same but I nodded then watched him open the door and walk out. I sat down and opened the envelope and let the tears slide down my cheeks. I was lost in memories of time spent with Grandpa Stu when I heard a light knock at the door. I debated ignoring it but after a second knock I pushed myself up and walked to the door. When I opened it and saw Michael I completely broke down and without a word he pulled me into his arms and just held on.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as we made our way to the couch. “I was just surprised.”

I snuggled into his chest, sniffling and trying to stop the tears. “No, it’s not your fault. I should have told you.”

He kissed the top of my head and it felt nice. “So are we okay?”

“Mmm hmm, but there’s something you should know.”

I sat up and wiped my face then reached for the paper about the will. “Would you come with me?”

Over the next couple of hours I explained who Grandpa Stu was and what he’d meant to me. I told him about Jonathan, how we met, how we fell in love and how he broke my heart in a million pieces. I told him that he was the first man I’d even thought about as more than a friend, that I cared deeply for him but wasn’t yet ready to take the next step. I admitted that seeing Jonathan brought back all the pain, all the hurt, and that I clearly still had things to work through, that I was still broken.

Michael listened without comments or questions and gently rubbed my back as my tears came and went. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer, silently assuring me he was there. 

He held my hand the next day as we walked into the attorney’s office and, since he was a lawyer, he was allowed to come in with me to listen to the will being read. Jonathan kept stealing glances at us, but he didn’t seem angry or jealous, he just seemed sad. His sister was there, as were his parents, and after several awkward hellos we all took our seats and prepared for the reading to begin.

The process was quicker than I expected and after signing a lot of paperwork I said goodbye to Jonathan and his family and walked out of the office in a state of shock. I reached for Michael’s hand as we stepped into the elevator and he gave it a squeeze as we reached the bottom floor. Neither of us spoke until we got in the car and he was the first to break the silence.

“So...”

“Yeah.”

“Did you have any idea?”

“None.” I was still trying to process what I’d received in the will. I could hardly speak. “It’s a lot of money. More than I ever thought I’d see in my lifetime.”

“So, should we, I don’t know celebrate?”

“Doesn’t feel right.”

“Yeah. How ‘bout just dinner then?”

I turned and smiled. “I’d like that.”

As he drove I gazed out the window, wondering how in the world Grandpa Stu had been a multi-millionaire without any of us knowing it, thankful that he’d shared part of his fortune with me. He’d split $10 million between five of us, left his house and land to Jonathan and Amy, and left his antique Steinway piano to me. 

“Where am I gonna put a piano?”

“You don’t need to worry about that right now.”

“I mean what was he thinking? Oh right, that I’d be married to his grandson and living in that big house across town.” I felt myself starting to spiral. “Honestly, what was he thinking? Why didn’t he change his will after Jonathan went off on his grand adventure without me? Why would he burden me like this?”

“Hey, hey,” Michael said interrupted and put his hand on my knee. “Let’s take a walk.” He pulled the car to the curb and turned off the engine. 

“I’m fine, really. We can go.”

“Humor me,” he smiled then got out and came around to my side. I took his hand when he offered it then held on as we stepped onto the sidewalk. 

“It’s just a lot, you know? I wasn’t prepared for this.”

“I know, but we’ll figure it out.”

“We?”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” I looked up and into his eyes and shook my head. “I care about you, Faye, and I want to be here for you, through the good and the bad. You’re not alone.”

I smiled then squeezed his hand and leaned into his arm. “You’re a good guy, you know that?”

“I do my best.”

We walked for another 20 minutes or so then made our way back to my house. He ordered dinner while I called my mom and updated her on everything then we sat down on the living room floor and opened up our food.

“So before, when you were talking about us,” I started, thinking back on the conversation we had when Jonathan first showed up. “I’ve been thinking about it, too.”

“And?”

I smiled and reached for his hand. He smiled as he squeezed my hand and I loved that we didn’t need to say the words. “I need to take things slow, especially with everything that happened today.”

“I know.”

“But I care about you, too, and I’m ready to move forward.”

He smiled and started to lean toward me. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

His lips were close to mine when I smiled and stopped him for a brief moment. “This isn’t just about the money is it?”

He brushed his lips against mine and I felt something I’d never felt with Jonathan. “It’s about you, Faye,” he breathed as he pulled back slowly. “It’s always been about you.” He kissed me again, pulling me closer as he did, and I was more sure about him than I’d ever been about Jonathan or anything else. He was the one, and as I kissed him back, I knew without a doubt he’d be the last person I ever kissed.

© Carrie M. Medders