#and also you miss them terribly and recordings are your only means of talking'

[tiffanyachings]

nona the ninth but as a podcast consisting solely of cam and pal’s tape recordings

[gleamingyu]

hits different.

part I of the midnights series. inspired by taylor swift’s midnights. part II

pairing: music-producer!seungcheol x lawyer!fem!reader [exes-to-lovers]

genre: romance. slight angst. drama.

warnings: she/her pronouns for reader (but no specific physical characteristics). mentions of a pretty rough breakup. slight angst. some light cursing. mentions of death (jokingly though). terrible knowledge of law stuff (thank my brief interest in htgawm). yearning. loads of miscommunication. slow burn. cheol & reader are both stubborn. mentions of drinking. alternating povs. lower caps intended [if there’s anything i missed, please let me know!]

word count: 4.7k

notes: this is the first part of a new series i thought of! this is also my first time writing (or more like, finishing writing) something, so please be kind! any comments, reblogs or likes are welcome. and thank you to whoever decides to give this a chance :)

summary: still recovering from a not-so-fresh breakup, seungcheol leans on his friends to get back on his feet. it turns out to be much easier said than done, especially when his record label recruits the help of a law firm to deal with a recent scandal, which just so happens to be the same firm his ex works at. just his luck.

if anyone could see the scene in front of mingyu, they’d be severely concerned, much like he is at this very moment.

seungcheol is quite literally buried under a pile of blankets on his bed, the only visible part of his body a tuft of his dark brown hair. the floor of his bedroom is covered in clothes and empty food containers, and the air feels so stale and hot, it’s taking everything in mingyu not to gag. there is no light coming into the room except from the lightbulb shining in the hallway where mingyu is standing, and… is that… phoebe bridgers he can hear playing from somewhere?

mingyu glances down at his feet where kkuma, seungcheol’s devoted dog – and only girl who’s ever truly loved him, according to him – is sitting staring right back at him, a look on her fluffy face that mingyu swears looks just as depressed as her dad.

“this is way worse than i thought,” mingyu sighs, finally stepping into the bedroom. “okay, enough of this!”

mingyu grabs the blankets on the bed and pulls them away, revealing a very aggravated seungcheol. “what the hell are you doing?!”

“i’m not sure yet, because this,” mingyu gestures around the room, “is a lot. but it starts with you getting your ass out of bed and into the shower. immediately. this place smells like there’s a corpse somewhere in here.”

“yeah, it’s me. i’m the corpse. or i wish i was, because that would mean i’ve finally died,” seungcheol groans, turning away from mingyu and effectively shoving his face into the bed.

mingyu sighs, turning around to start collecting some of the dirty clothes on the floor. he finds himself regretting not calling jeonghan or joshua to come with him, because seungcheol might have been more easily persuaded to stop moping with them around. the reality is, they all thought seungcheol was doing better; he was back on his grind at work, finishing several albums he had been producing for, he was making progress in his jiu-jitsu classes, and he even joined the rest of the guys on their trip to australia last month, with minimal persuasion from his friends.

looking at the shell of a man laying on the bed in front of him, mingyu realizes he should’ve asked. he should’ve asked his friend how he was really doing, what he was feeling, what he could actually do to help him move past this.

better late than never.

“listen,” mingyu starts, going to sit on the edge of seungcheol’s bed but reconsidering. who knows when he last changed these. “i’m sorry if we haven’t really been there for you. i know a thing or two about breakups and heartbreak, so i guess i should’ve figured you weren’t alright, not like you said you were. you don’t have to keep all you’re feeling locked up. you can talk to us.”

seungcheol’s head moves slightly to the side, peeking at mingyu from the corner of his eye. he sighs, and turns on his back. mingyu tries not to cringe at seungcheol’s sullen face, his eyes red and still wet, as if he was still crying when mingyu arrived at his apartment.

“don’t beat yourself up, gyu. believe it or not, i was actually doing better. but a few days ago, i … i was cleaning around the closet by the entrance and …” he pauses, and mingyu thinks he might burst into tears. seungcheol breathes in however, closes his eyes, and continues. “i found one of her old hats. you know, the yellow crochet bucket hat she always used to wear in the summer? i bought it for her birthday when we had just started dating and … i don’t know, i just broke down. it hit me again that we’re over. like really.”

you and seungcheol broke up … four, five months ago? seungcheol shakes his head, he feels like time hasn’t passed the same since. days pass him by where he just goes over and over your last conversation – which was more of a fight, really – and he always ends up regretting everything he said that day. regrets resenting you for always working late, for never asking him to accompany you to firm events… regrets accusing you of some unspeakable things.

looking back, he can’t believe how big of an idiot he was. no wonder you left and didn’t even bother to come back to get your things. you left everything behind, all your clothes that still smelled of the lavender detergent you used to buy, your makeup haphazardly thrown into one of the bathroom drawers, the cooking books you always bought “for inspiration” but never, ever actually opened… and the yellow bucket hat you got from seungcheol for the first birthday you spent together. seungcheol had left everything where it was, a tiny part of him hoping you two would work this out somehow. but weeks went by with no word from you, and when he had tried reaching you, he came to the grave conclusion that you had blocked him on all platforms, cut him off from your life like a dead limb. back then he thought he deserved it. he still does.

“i’m sorry, hyung. i really am,” mingyu shakes seungcheol from his reverie, reaching a hand to pet his shoulder. a beat passes between them. “have you tried… calling her again since?”

“no. i don’t know what good it would do,” seungcheol sighs. “even if she answered, i doubt all the apologies i could offer would fix anything. i said some pretty fucked up shit.”

“yeah, i know. if you remember, i was there the next day ripping you a new one,” mingyu teases, desperately trying to cheer up his friend somehow. he swears he can see seungcheol’s lips twitch a bit. “but who knows… now that you both had some time to yourselves, you might actually be able to overcome this calmly. and if… if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least you’ll both have some closure.”

closure. that’s a funny word, because seungcheol wants the furthest thing from closure. he wants you back in his bed and your arms around him, he wants your indie artists he’s never heard of playing around the apartment in the morning, he wants your laugh echoing in the halls. he wants you.

he knows that the only way this ending could even be a possibility would be if he actually took mingyu’s advice and called you up, but another part of him is terrified of the other possibility: the one where you pick up and tell him to go to hell and fuck himself and never call you again or show his face around you. so for now, seungcheol opts for a third option: emotional limbo, with a side of trying-to-move-on.

he gets up from the bed and asks mingyu if he could help him straighten out the place. mingyu, bless his sweet heart, of course says yes and gets to work after sending seungcheol to clean himself up. just as he’s about to close the bathroom door, he hears mingyu’s exasperated voice.

“oh, for the love of god, where is that god-awful music coming from?!”

seungcheol can’t remember the last time he laughed so heartily.

the bar you find yourself in is bustling with people, laughter and cheerful conversations filling the space. you’re only half listening to whatever topic your two best friends, yunjin and chaeyoung, are discussing – something about “that bitch” in yunjin’s department at work that’s been giving her a hard time – instead reveling in the pleasant buzz of the champagne you’re nursing.

it had been a while since you were able to enjoy a nice evening with your girls. the past few months had been filled with endless meetings, client-induced headaches and sleepless nights, but thankfully, today you had managed to finally strike a deal for one of the firm’s most important clients (to be read as filthy rich), which you had been working towards all these months. naturally, upon hearing the news, chaeyoung and yunjin had begged you to join them at a bar in the city, “to celebrate your newfound freedom.”

you splurged on a bottle of champagne for the three of you and decided that tonight, you were going to have fun. you were going to relax, enjoy some drink, and catch up with your friends who you hadn’t seen in weeks.

and you will not, under any circumstances, bring up seungcheol.

you like to believe that in the last two months you had gotten better at shutting out any thought of your ex-boyfriend. in the days – more like weeks, if you were to ask chaeyoung and yunjin – following the ugly breakup, you were quite the literal mess. finding yourself alone and with nowhere to go, considering you had left the apartment you shared with seungcheol with nothing but your work stuff (how on-brand for you), it wasn’t surprising that your mental and emotional health had taken a massive hit. thankfully, at the insistence of yunjin, you agreed to crash at her place while you put yourself back together and took time off from work – something you had never done before.

to the surprise of your friends, it only took you two weeks to go back to work and start looking for your own place. two weeks after that, you were moving into a new apartment and claimed that you were feeling much better since the breakup. or at least starting to. chaeyoung and yunjin didn’t want to argue with you on this – even thought they 100% believed the front you were putting up was a load of crap – but in the end, they didn’t even have to, because the first time you went out with them again since the breakup, you had your first meltdown.

but was it really your fault that the man sitting two seats down the bar from you had ordered whiskey neat, just like seungcheol always used to? and was it really your fault that he was wearing a maroon leather jacket similar to the one seungcheol always used to wear in the fall, which you absolutely adored?

could they really blame you for bursting into tears right then and there and wailing about how much of a jerk seungcheol was for never understanding your dedication to your work? how much of a hypocrite he was for expecting you to just dip from the office when he suddenly had some free time, when he had never done so for you?

that night, chaeyoung and yunjin quite literally dragged you back to chaeyoung’s place and held you while you cried yourself to sleep, and in the morning, when you had embarrassingly admitted that “no, you weren’t really doing fine,” they held you again and offered soft-spoken words of support, opting to keep the classic we told you so in their thoughts.

four months passed since that incident and now, you could confidently say that you were truly feeling better. you weren’t quite over seungcheol per se; there were nights when you still thought about the smell of vanilla that filled the room whenever he was fresh out of a shower, the way he always got so giggly when you brought home a tray of cherries… yeah, you still found yourself missing him terribly sometimes. but the more time passed, you realized that seungcheol hadn’t tried reaching you at all in the months since the breakup, and so you thought he might be moving on as well.

it is true you had blocked him on all social platforms for weeks after you stormed out of your place. but on a particularly bad day, when all you did was cry and cry and cry after him, the thought of calling him up and asking him to go back to how things were crossed your mind, and you unblocked his number. unfortunately, your pride had set itself in your way, convincing you that it was seungcheol that needed to make the first step, considering he was the one who quite literally cornered you into a fight. so you didn’t call and instead prayed to whatever forces exist in the universe, that seungcheol would try your number again.

he never did.

“soooo, cheers to the lady of the hour! finally free from the clutches of corporate law!” yunjin cheered, clinking her glass against yours and knocking you out of your reverie.

damn it, seungcheol, i said i would not think of you tonight!

“yes, cheers!” chaeyoung joined in. “how do you feel? are you going to get a big ass bonus for the amount of time you put into this asshole?”

chaeyoung was probably right, you probably did deserve a huge ass bonus for the deal you pulled for the client you were handling. when you were in law school, you had never imagined yourself working for sleazy, corporate pigs who behaved like none of their actions would bite them in the ass eventually, and expecting others – like yourself – to clean up after them. but, as your boss grimly explained to you the day you had complained about your client, everybody has to start somewhere. “and junior partners don’t get to choose cases, sweetheart.”

life at the firm wasn’t always terrible. you were lucky enough to be part of an amazing team, and the firm worked with plenty of influential and big personalities, so you almost never had to worry about your income. but sometimes, some of the people you were asked to represent brought you to the brink of just quitting your job altogether.

“i just feel relieved,” you say. “if i had to hear the incessant whining and nagging of that idiot for one more day, i might have gone insane!”

“well, thank god you’re a stellar lawyer and managed to get rid of him,” yunjin teases, taking a sip of her drink. “do you already have anything else lined up?”

“god, no! i have a few days off just to take care of paperwork, maybe help out some of my colleagues around the office… but nothing big for now, thankfully.”

“oh, that’s amazing! which reminds me, this means you can actually join us on that weekend spa trip we were talking about last week,” chaeyoung happily suggests, as she’s already pulling up the website of the spa retreat.

“i guess a spa day would be nice,” you say, looking over at chaeyoung’s phone. you feel your body already going lax at the thought of a hot stone massage.

“oh, that would be so nice!” yunjin pouts. “we haven’t gone on a girls trip in so long! i miss going away, just the three of us… do you guys remember that trip we took to croatia two years ago? that was the best one we ever did, i swear!”

while chaeyoung joins yunjin in reminiscing about all the trips the three of you took over the years, you feel your phone buzzing in the pocket of your dress paints. pulling it out, you see an email notification…

“oh, no…” your voice trails off, reading over the email you had just received.

“what? what’s the matter?” yunjin asks, her conversation with chaeyoung coming to a halt.

“my boss just emailed me. he wants me in the office tomorrow morning. some big case that just came in,” you explain, already feeling a headache coming in.

“but tomorrow’s saturday,” chaeyoung frowns.

“i know… i know.”

when monday rolls around, seungcheol really wished that he had died before mingyu had found him the week before.

the day started normal enough. he woke up at 5 a.m. and took kkuma for a walk in the park near his apartment building, just like every morning. by 8 a.m., he was already set up in his studio inside the PLEDIS building, ready to work on the tracks he was supposed to finish mixing by the end of the week. seungcheol liked the buzz of the label, people from all different departments running around trying to stay on their schedules; it motivated him to also do his part diligently, and reminded him that he was extremely lucky to be doing one of the things he loves most: music.

seungcheol should’ve guessed something was up today the moment the clock struck 11 and jihoon, the other in-house producer of PLEDIS, and one of his oldest friends, hadn’t come by his studio. he and jihoon had known each other since their college days, having met in an audio engineering class they apparently shared, and had been friends for 8 years now. during their last year of college, they were recruited by a record label that was just starting out (which became the PLEDIS of today), and despite all warnings from their families, they decided to take a leap of faith together and join the company. it all worked out for the better, it turned out, as PLEDIS only grew and soon became a household name in the music industry.

as the only producers that have stuck around PLEDIS since the beginning, they developed several… traditions, or rituals over the years, one of which was jihoon’s 11 a.m. coffee run, which they’d spend sharing ideas and notes over each other’s work, and, if jihoon was in a particularly good mood, engage in some office gossip (not that either of them would ever admit it). today, however, jihoon is a no-show and seungcheol can’t help but wonder what his friend is up to.

when he shoots jihoon a quick text, asking if he’s alright, his friend only replies with a “just busy,” and tells seungcheol not to wait up for him at lunch, as he’ll probably be stuck in the studio all day. this doesn’t surprise him that much, seeing as jihoon might be an even bigger workaholic than he is, but he still can’t shake the feeling that something must be up with his friend. he decides that instead of going out for lunch, he’s gonna pick up some takeout and join jihoon in his studio. he wouldn’t be able to rest easy knowing his friend will go a day without eating anything.

once lunch hours begin, seungcheol takes a quick walk two blocks down the street to the restaurant mingyu works in, who’s already waiting for him with the food seungcheol had requested for him and jihoon. on his way back to PLEDIS, he texts jihoon again, just to make sure he’s still in the studio, but there’s no answer, and now seungcheol is seriously starting to get worried. he jogs the rest of the way until he’s back inside the building, and takes the elevator to the 6th floor where jihoon’s studio is stationed.

walking up to the door that reads UNIVERSE FACTORY, he stops in his tracks when he hears more than one voice from the other side of the door. he easily recognizes jihoon’s voice, but the other voices – two other men and a woman – are harder to make out. except… except the woman’s voice is eerily familiar, and without a second thought, seungcheol grips the handle and swings the door open, four pairs of eyes whipping in his direction.

his eyes land on jihoon, who looks like he wishes he was anywhere else in that moment, and then scan the rest of room, recognizing mr. han, their CEO, and… you. it’s you.

seungcheol feels like he’s going to faint. mr. han does not look the least bit happy about seungcheol’s intrusion, and he really wishes the man would slap him just so he can know for sure if he’s dreaming. if you’re surprised to see seungcheol, your face shows no sign of it, and seungcheol can’t help but stare at you. you look so beautiful, so put together; your make-up is soft, almost unnoticeable, your hair pushed behind your ears, and you’re wearing a dark green suit… oh, how he loved you in green.

you were the picture of grace and professionalism and he was… not. he really wishes he hadn’t come to the studio in sweatpants right now.

“mr. choi, what a… surprise,” mr. han exclaims, standing up from his seat, you and the other man – who seungcheol has no idea who he is, but he knows he doesn’t like the way he’s standing so close to you – following suit. “i didn’t know mr. lee was expecting you,” mr. han continues, glancing towards jihoon, who turned red as a tomato.

“i wasn’t, actually,” jihoon squeaks, avoiding both seungcheol and mr. han’s gazes.

“i apologize, i was… i was just bringing jihoon some lunch. i didn’t know there was… a meeting happening,” seungcheol says, looking towards you, and he’s almost thrown back by the way you’re just… staring directly at him.

mr. han sighs, but remembering the situation, he quickly puts on a polite smile as he turns towards you and the other man. “mr. choi is one of our other in-house producers. mr. choi, this is mr. jeon and miss L/N. they’re helping us with some… legal matters.”

so that’s why you were here. and who the other guy was. but what legal matters? and why was jihoon involved? and why didn’t he tell seungcheol?!

before seungcheol can ask more questions, mr. han gestures towards the door he came through and says “now, if you don’t mind, you can come back in a few minutes, mr. choi. we’ll be done soon.”

soon. soon, his ass!

seungcheol had been pacing the hallway outside jihoon’s studio for the past 20 minutes (he checked, he wasn’t exaggerating!), trying very hard not to eavesdrop through the door, and thinking of every possible reason why jihoon would need legal help and why you would be here.

jihoon was definitely in some kind of trouble. for the CEO to be involved as well, it for sure must be something that could affect the whole label. seungcheol just can’t understand why jihoon wouldn’t tell him if he had any kind of problem. they were colleagues, but most importantly, they were friends. he would’ve dropped everything to come to his aid.

now, when it comes to you… seungcheol knows you’re a lawyer, obviously he does. he met you when you were halfway through law school, and he was there for every failed and aced exam, for your graduation (he was so proud of you that day, it was the first time you’d ever seen him cry), for every measly job you had before finally securing the one you currently held at one of the top firms in the city. he also knows you’re a damn good lawyer, seeing how hard you work and how dedicated you are. he supposes it’s not surprising you were chosen to represent jihoon in whatever mess he got himself in.

he feels bad now that he remembers how he held these things above your head during your last fight. how you were working late so often, how you never asked him to join you at office parties, despite how eager you always were to go out with your coworkers for drinks, how you always asked him to wait for you outside the office building, as if you didn’t want people to know you had a partner...

he knows that both of you were to blame for how things went down between you, but since he started the argument in the first place, he thinks he could’ve brought all this up in a better way, at a better time.

his thoughts are interrupted when the door to jihoon’s studio opens again, and he finds himself regretting waiting in the hallway because now he has to face you again and he’s not ready and he doesn’t know what to say and he still looks like a hobo and –

“mr. choi!”

he looks up to see who he imagines is your colleague – mr. jeon – step towards him, as you and mr. han step out after him, discussing something. you glance once towards seungcheol before turning back to the conversation, and seungcheol feels his heart clench.

“mr. jeon, i’m sorry once again for interrupting your meeting,” seungcheol says, extending his hand to shake mr. jeon’s.

“don’t worry, no harm done at all. i’m actually glad you stuck around, because i had something to ask you. seeing as you and mr. lee are close, would you be available for a short talk with us, sometime in the next days? we’ll have to build a strong case for mr. lee and, well, some insight from his colleagues would be very helpful,” mr. jeon explains, fixing the thin-rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

seungcheol is taken aback by the man’s soft tone. his sharp eyes and cold look on his face made him look pretty intimidating, but his voice is the complete opposite, putting seungcheol weirdly at ease.

“o-of course, anything for jihoon,” seungcheol quickly replies. “can i ask, though, what exactly does he need help with?”

“plagiarism.”

“PLAGIARISM?!”

“you’re being sued. for plagiarism.”

“yes.”

“and you just found out last friday.”

“yes.”

“last friday when we all went out for barbeque and you didn’t even think to mention it? not even once?!”

“will you stop pacing and sit down? you’re making me even more nervous than i already am,” jihoon sighs, dropping his head in his hands.

seungcheol sighs as well, muttering a sorry, and sits down on the couch opposite jihoon’s chair.

jihoon continues. “i didn’t mention anything because i didn’t want to piss on everyone’s good mood. it was joshua’s birthday… besides, i didn’t know all the details of the situation at that point. i thought it was another baseless accusation, you know? but they’re serious about it. they wanna take me to court.”

“what? that’s insane,” seungcheol says. “i feel weird even asking, but did you even plagiarize?”

“no! of course not! i don’t even know the people!” jihoon exclaims, flopping down on the couch next to seungcheol. he lets out a long groan. “this is just what i needed.”

seungcheol pats his friend’s back, thinking of some encouraging words. jihoon was the most talented and creative guy he knew. to think that someone would accuse him of using somebody else’s work was a concept seungcheol couldn’t even entertain.

“don’t worry. that jeon guy looks like he’s already got a game plan.”

“and Y/N,” jihoon says.

silence falls around the two of them, until jihoon stirs from the couch, sitting up to look at seungcheol.

“are we just not going to acknowledge her or what?”

“no! that’s not what i…” seungcheol sighs, hanging his head. “i just wasn’t expecting to see her. i don’t know how to feel.”

“that’s understandable. you guys haven’t seen each other in a while, right?”

seungcheol shakes his head. “did she… did she say anything to you?”

“oh, no. she was super professional, went straight to business. but…” jihoon trails off, debating whether he should say what he was thinking.

“but? but what?!” seungcheol grabs jihoon’s shoulders, shaking him a little.

“but i think she was just as rattled to see you as you were. her hand kept shaking while she was writing, after you left. i guess she was just better at hiding her surprise,” jihoon continues. “now let go of me, you animal!”

seungcheol sighs. could it be that you were just as much of a mess inside as he was? the hopeful part of him thinks you might have thought of him all these months, just as he thought of you. the other part of him thinks your hand might as well just have been shaking from anger.

“you know, this might be a good thing,” jihoon says, getting up and sitting back in front of his computer.

“what, you getting sued and her being around?”

“yeah. maybe this way you’ll finally grow some balls, put your pride aside, and actually fix things,” jihoon deadpans, and seungcheol knows the conversation is over.

yeah. easier said than done.

[ninadove]

Nina reads Dracula 🦇

September 24th

I hadn't the heart to write last night; that terrible record of Jonathan's upset me so. Poor dear! How he must have suffered, whether it be true or only imagination. I wonder if there is any truth in it at all. Did he get his brain fever, and then write all those terrible things, or had he some cause for it all? I suppose I shall never know, for I dare not open the subject to him.... And yet that man we saw yesterday! He seemed quite certain of him.... Poor fellow! I suppose it was the funeral upset him and sent his mind back on some train of thought.... He believes it all himself. I remember how on our wedding-day he said: "Unless some solemn duty come upon me to go back to the bitter hours, asleep or awake, mad or sane." There seems to be through it all some thread of continuity.... That fearful Count was coming to London.... If it should be, and he came to London, with his teeming millions.... There may be a solemn duty; and if it come we must not shrink from it.... I shall be prepared. I shall get my typewriter this very hour and begin transcribing. Then we shall be ready for other eyes if required. And if it be wanted; then, perhaps, if I am ready, poor Jonathan may not be upset, for I can speak for him and never let him be troubled or worried with it at all. If ever Jonathan quite gets over the nervousness he may want to tell me of it all, and I can ask him questions and find out things, and see how I may comfort him.

Can we talk about how cool Mina is for a second? Her first reaction upon finding out is disbelief, of course, but she turns around so quickly so she can A. support Jonathan and B. potentially save the world. She knows her skills are valuable and she immediately puts them to good use. It’s not hard to see why Jonathan fell in love with her!

It also means that everything we’ve been reading so far is courtesy of her work, by the way. Which immediately prompts two thoughts:

She apparently wasn’t jealous at all upon reading the Three Weed-Smoking Girlfriends bit Jonathan was so worried about, otherwise she would have edited it out;

She had to transcribe Lucy’s journal and her own letters… She had to add the “unopened by her” mention herself…

Everybody say thank you Mina!

And now for the bit where I genuinely shed a tear:

I pray you to pardon my writing, in that I am so far friend as that I sent to you sad news of Miss Lucy Westenra's death. By the kindness of Lord Godalming, I am empowered to read her letters and papers, for I am deeply concerned about certain matters vitally important. In them I find some letters from you, which show how great friends you were and how you love her. Oh, Madam Mina, by that love, I implore you, help me. It is for others' good that I ask—to redress great wrong, and to lift much and terrible troubles—that may be more great than you can know. May it be that I see you? You can trust me. I am friend of Dr. John Seward and of Lord Godalming (that was Arthur of Miss Lucy). I must keep it private for the present from all. I should come to Exeter to see you at once if you tell me I am privilege to come, and where and when. I implore your pardon, madam. I have read your letters to poor Lucy, and know how good you are and how your husband suffer; so I pray you, if it may be, enlighten him not, lest it may harm. Again your pardon, and forgive me.

I’ve said it before, but there are some similarities in the way Dracula and Van Helsing talk. Well, there are some in the way they write too!

You may remember this little bit from May 3rd:

"My Friend.--Welcome to the Carpathians. I am anxiously expecting you. Sleep well to-night. At three to-morrow the diligence will start for Bukovina; a place on it is kept for you. At the Borgo Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land.

Your friend,

DRACULA.

The letter opened and closed on a fake declaration of friendship, foreshadowing Jonathan’s imprisonment.

Van Helsing does something very similar here, but A. with desperate apologies and B. recognising his status as someone who is very much not Mina’s friend (yet?). So what does it mean?

It means he is breaking down

We saw him run himself ragged to save Lucy and fail. We’ve seen him fall from witty and pretentious banter (with Seward) to hysterical sobbing and laughing (also with Seward) in the span of a few weeks. We’ve seen him hide the truth while also giving out clues, we’ve seen him break down because he knows, and doesn’t want to burden anyone else with this knowledge, but realistically can’t bear the weight on his own.

So when he reads Mina’s letters — the ones Lucy never got to open — he has no choice but to reach out. Mina is not a doctor like Seward, she’s not a Strong Young Blood Donor like the suitors, she’s just a young woman who is also struggling and also loved Lucy, and this fifty-something genius finds a sense of kinship in her, and immediately decides she is the only person who can help him.

But that means she must know, and therefore be trapped in the same Hell he is. Hence the structure of the letter. I LOVE THIS BOOK

< Prev 🦇 Next >

[mythserene]

I've been rereading The Beatles' sections of Cellarful of Noise in between re-listening to the episode while I make a ring, and I disagree with Phoebe that “[Brian] also seems to be offering a bit of a mea culpa" in his version of the story, because I don't think there's a way to read this anecdote as anything other than Brian using it as an example of how he messed up early on by showing favoritism, leading to Paul getting upset and himself overreacting and all of them missing a show... and then calming down, them working it out, and Brian picking everyone back up at their homes to play the last show. (Happy ending.)

So it's more than a bit of a mea culpa.

I mean the thesis statement is, “I have no favorites among the Beatles and this they realize now, but it wasn't always so.”

I have no favorites among the Beatles and this they realize now, but it wasn't always so. A manager dealing with a close-knit foursome has to be as fair as and as cautious as a father of four children. And one night very early in my management of the Beatles this was brought home to me with an unpleasant thump.

It neither acquits nor condemns Paul for being late because the point of the story—bookended by others about the other Beatles—is the different personalities and bumps in the road with each one. (Except George, who he says he's never argued with.)

They're all, essentially, “we can work it out” stories.

The next example is the story of John in the studio telling him, "We'll make the records. You just go on counting your percentages,” and how Brian left the studio afterwards “in a sullen rage” and never got an apology.

"We'll make the records. You just go on counting your percentages." And he meant it. I was terribly annoyed and hurt because it was in front of all the recording staff and the rest of the Beatles. We all looked at one another and felt uncomfortable and John turned away, indicating that there was no apology coming. I left the studios in a sort of sullen rage.

Ringo's anecdote seems worse than Paul's, or at least as bad. (And a train is involved again.)

It was January and the Beatles were due to tackle a country in which —compared to, say, Scandinavia or Germany, they were an unknown quantity. Therefore I was anxious to make a good initial impact. This can be achieved, and the U.S. trip proved it, at the arrival airport.

But fog descended over Liverpool and Ringo Starr could not leave for London to catch the connecting aircraft to Paris. The other Beatles and I and a score of journalists were in London when we heard the news. Naturally I was very disappointed that three Beatles instead of four would descend the steps at Le Bourget Airport in Paris. I telephoned Liverpool and asked Ringo to catch the train so that he could join up in Paris as soon as possible.

He refused, possibly because he believed that a Beatle shouldn't travel by train, and said he would catch the first available plane. I didn't want this because I didn't trust the weather and I said so.

I said, "Ringo, I have never asked you to do anything especially for me before," and he replied: "Oh yes you have. You know bloody well you are always asking me to do things— to see the press, or travel for this or that. I'm not doing it and if you don't like it you can do the other thing." ...

Why was Ringo trying to sabotage Brian?? (Could it be because of Stu?) 🤔

...I was very angry and when, eventually, he arrived in Paris there was quite an atmosphere. But sulking has no place in a group like the Beatles and with just a couple of meaningful looks and a grin, all was well. And, as with other difficulties, a frank talk helped.

But all the little stories end with them understanding each other better and a compliment for the Beatle he's telling a Bump-in-the-Road story about.

Which is, of course, how his Paul story ends:

This was the only time any one of the Beatles refused to play and it could never happen now. But it was not the only time one or more of the Beatles fell out with me. It would not be normal or reasonable to expect four artistic men to glide through life without a clash of views, and although rows are rare, they happen.

So, Brian's takeaway is that “a manager dealing with a close-knit foursome has to be as fair as and as cautious as a father of four children.”

But Lewisohn's takeaway is:

John saw a bigger picture, and it would be surprising if it wasn’t equally obvious, or made obvious, to Brian and George. He likened Paul’s enduring snag with Brian to his other long-standing difficulty: “[Brian] and Paul didn’t get along—it was a bit like [Stuart and Paul] between the two of them.”

Inevitably, this wouldn’t be the only dispute to arise between Brian and a Beatle in their years together, but it is one of the few to be known, and its timing is telling. Brian devoted more than a page to it in his autobiography, saying how “worried, angry and upset” he was.

What?

One of the few to be known except the other two on the very next pages??

John causes Brian to storm out of the studio in a “sullen rage” and with Ringo he was “very angry” and there was “an atmosphere.” But Lewisohn makes it sound like Brian singled Paul out to tell this one story, so it must be a big deal.

I thought I had a very quick point to make, but somehow the moment you start to unravel any part of this you discover it's like a bottomless plate of spaghetti. (I should probably say, “the moment I start to unravel...” but from listening to the podcast I feel pretty confident that I am not alone in this.)

But at some point you just have to cut it off.

💡 🌚

[blinddreams24]

Message

A Mermay Prompt

Masterlist

Prev / Next

“U-U-Ugh!” Complained the glitchy voice of your new companion. You were starting to understand why his name was Error. “Wh-Why did-d you ha-ha-have t-to nest-st s-so far away-ay-ay-ay?” It was like a broken record. You tried not to let it get to you but it was really annoying that every few minutes he’d complain like a fussy child. Big man baby ribbon eel.

“We’re Only One More Mile Away Error!” Blue chirped. He didn’t seem phased in the slightest by Error’s behavior. “Thank You For Agreeing To Come! It Really Means A Lot To Me!” He swam closer to Error but not close enough to touch. Error had been very strict about touch when you’d met him. So much so that he’d almost immediately attacked you even though you hadn’t even approached him. Blue had gotten between you and calmed Error with surprising speed. Error didn’t threaten you again after that.

“M-M-Mmh.” Error grumbled. “Wh-Whatever. You o-o-owe me-me f-f-for this-is.” He didn’t clarify what exactly Blue owed him. He also didn’t seem like the type ask favors of people, opting instead to get his own hands dirty.

Blue’s smile didn’t waver. “Of Course, Error! You Know I Love To Help!”

“Mhm-m-m.”

It was weird.

You could see the power in this beast. The way the water rippled and sharpened around him into silvery blue strings that whipped around in his agitation. The way Dream had immediately put Blue between him and Error before retreating back to his den, leaving you in Blue’s more than capable hands. The power blazing in his mismatched eyelights that made Nightmare’s cyan eye look tame. The way he didn’t hesitate in any decision because he was certain nothing could stop him anyways.

And yet he was easily calmed by your fellow dolphin siren.

Not completely calmed, Error still growled and hissed and was overall aggressive, he was just less likely to do anything rash while Blue was talking. Which encouraged you to keep Blue talking.

“So, uh…” You rubbed the back of your neck. “How are you both doing?” It felt dumb to ask, but you didn’t know either of these people really.

Blue chirruped. “I’m Doing Great! Thank You For Asking, Y/n! And How Are You? Does That Spot Still Itch?”

“Yeah, a little bit. But it’s not as bad as earlier. Thank you, by the way.”

“Of Course! I Am Always Glad To Help!”

“Wh-Wh-What a-are you ta-ta-talking about-out?” Error grouched, his brows furrowed at being left out of the conversation.

“Y/n Had A Suckerfish Stuck To Them And I Helped Them Get It Off.” Blue supplied.

Error laughed and his eyes locked onto you even though he was still talking to Blue. “A-A-Aww, Blue-ue-ue! Y-You c-c-could have-ave l-left it for a-a-a-a f-few min-min-minutes longer! I-I-I would-ld-ld h-have enjoy-joy-joyed th-that!”

Blue scowled sternly. “Error, We Don’t Leave People In Pain Just Because It’s Funny.”

“Y-Y-You don’t-t.” Error grinned, baring his sharp teeth.

Blue responded with a heavy hearted sigh. “Let’s Not. How Are You Doing, Error? Y/n Did Ask Both Of Us.” He turned the question on the destroyer curiously.

Error scoffed. “M-M-My peace-eace was int-interup-rup-rupted b-b-by two abom-ominations an-and an annoy-oy-oying dolphin-in. I’m ter-ter-terrible.”

“Aw, Thanks!” Blue whistled happily at the insult.

Okay. There was either something terribly wrong with these two or you were missing important information.

You had a feeling you wouldn’t get an answer to that.

“Y/n? Wait, Blue?!”

“Cross!” You and Blue chirped at the same time, turning toward the voice.

Cross caught sight of Error and hesitated as he came closer. “What are you doing here, Blue?” He asked, reaching out for your hand.

“Mweheheh!” Blue laughed. “I Am Here Because Y/n Invited Me! How Are You Doing, Cross?”

“Uh, I’m good, I guess. Y/n, what’s going on?” Cross’s tense gaze didn’t leave Error and the eel gave him a big toothy grin. He pulled you closer to himself.

You let him pull you. “So, you know how Killer got hyped up on positivity and Nightmare helped him balance out? And now Boss has been acting really tired?”

Cross’s brows scrunched together as he looked down at you. “…He has been really tired… but what does this have to do with Blue and Error?” His eyes shot back to the destroyer, who was starting to look annoyed.

Blue noticed Error’s frown. “Mweh! Would You Like To Answer That, Error?”

At the attention, Error relaxed and scoffed. “Y-Y-You t-tell him, B-B-Blue. I d-don’t care-are.” He crossed his arms and looked away.

“Of Course.” Blue smiled, as always, and turned to address Cross. “Y/n Had The Amazing Idea Of Inviting Me And Error Over To Help Nightmare Get Rid Of The Lingering Positivity In His Body. Dream Has Had A Similar Problem Before And Asked Me To Help As Well.”

Cross’s eyes darted between the three of you, more concerned than confused. He pulled you away. “I’d like to talk to y/n real quick.”

“Mweh! Of Course! We’ll Be Right Here When You’re Ready!” Blue chirped

“Sp-Sp-Speak f-for yourself-self.”

As Blue started entertaining Error, you and Cross took a sidebar. Cross pulled you around and held you by the shoulders.

“Y/n. What were you thinking? You left the pod and went to get Blue and Error all by yourself? Are you insane?” He snapped. You could see the worry behind his anger.

“I wasn’t alone. Dream helped me-.”

“That’s worse! Do you not remember what happened the other day?”

“I remember!” You shoved him away. “I’m the one that went through that! But Ink wasn’t there this time and Dream has only ever been nice to me. He just wants to fix things with Nightmare. Cross, he wants to help. Isn’t that a good thing?”

Cross hesitated and glanced back at your guests. “…Maybe. I’d say he has good intentions, but the guys… they won’t believe him for a second. He could just make things worse.”

“That’s why he’s not coming. Cross.” You pulled his focus back to you. “I brought Error and a message and I haven’t delivered either. Could you please help me?” You pleaded.

He glared at you, his eyelights dilating at you. “You’re ridiculous. Fine, I’ll help. I’ll let the guys know what’s going on. Just wait here and don’t do anything stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll try. Be safe.”

Cross turned to your guests. “Blue, I will be leaving for a little while. Guard y/n, would you?” You punched Cross’s arm. You could take care of yourself!

Blue smiled. “I Will Help In Any Way I Can!” He chirped happily.

With that, Cross sped off for only a few minutes before returning with Dust. They escorted you and your guests into the trench while Error kept puffing up proudly and flashing his colors every time he glanced at Dust. Sure Dust wasn’t as pretty, but he didn’t have to rub it in.

You and Cross crested the edge of the trench first and you froze. Now that you knew, it was much easier to spot Nightmare’s exhaustion but you would have noticed anyways. The leviathan was laid out on the bottom of the trench, Killer circling his head and Horror worrying at his hand. Despite the worry from the boys, he had a comforting smile on his face as he tried to soothe them.

His eye was half-lidded.

“Boss.” Cross called carefully. “We brought help.”

Nightmare looked up and his eye caught on Error. The eel sneered at him, smug. Boss sighed. “I did not need help, Cross. I told you, nothing is wrong.”

“Y-Y-You look l-like a dying-ing st-st-starfish.” Error observed.

“Error!” Blue scolded.

“A-A-Am I wr-wrong??”

Ignoring the chaos that came with Error, you swam forward into the trench. Nightmare watched you swim all the way down. Killer and Horror didn’t acknowledge you in their worry.

“Nightmare,” You started. “I know you’re not okay. We know you’re not okay. Please let us help.”

Nightmare glanced between the four other sirens of the pod. He sighed. “If it will make you feel better.”

“Also, I have a message.”

Nightmare smirked at you. “Oh~? A message? From who?”

“From Dream.”

Everything stopped.

Killer, Horror, and Nightmare were staring at you with varying expressions of shock as Error cackled like a glitchy witch behind you.

“Y/n.” Killer said, tense. “You were talking to Dream?”

“Yes.” You responded boldly. “He’s been very helpful to me. He had a simple request, I said I’d do it.”

“Still.” Killer growled.

“Killer.” Nightmare warned. Killer backed off and swam down to join Horror. Nightmare looked back to you. “What is the message?”

“He said he wants to negotiate peace and I quote; ‘I swear on my apple I will let you have the first say.’ And said you can bring whoever.” You supplied. “Out in the dunes by Blue’s place.”

“What’s an apple?” Killer piped up.

“It’s a fruit on land. I don’t know why Dream was talking about it though. I’ve never seen or heard of an apple-like plant in the water.” You said, just as confused as Killer.

Nightmare hummed vaguely. “It’s not a normal apple. Y/n, did he set a date?”

“Uh… no. I think he wanted me to ask you.”

“Good. I will take time to recover and then I’d like you to be my messenger, y/n, to discuss a time to meet with my brother.”

“What?!?!” Yelled four sirens at once.

You smiled. “I’d love to, Nightmare.”

[hopeforkitten]

help with narcissism

Raphael is reading Tav's diary. And Tav likes Raphael terribly as her new patron.

Tav was about to go to bed, just like her roommate Korilla, when a note appeared right in front of the girl's face, calling her to Raphael. She cast a questioning glance at her mentor, which only made her spread her hands, it's not every day that the master calls at such a late hour. Tav considered for a while whether she should dress in a more appropriate look, but since there were no additional instructions, she went to Raphael right in long white pajamas.

The invitation took her to the boudoir, where Raphael was sitting in his diabolical form at a dressing table, and a short banquette stood at a distance from him.

The prepared scene

Flashed through Tav's mind. Perhaps her should not rush and wait for her to be offered a seat. She kept her distance from Raphael but stood behind him to see him in the mirror.

"Lord Raphael, you called me"

"That's right, honey, you and I need to talk about something."

Tav is surprised by the unexpected treatment and continues.

"And what do you want to talk about?"

"About yours... written work"

Thoughts slowly run through the sleepy head of Tav.

"Written work... Do you mean reports to you? I wrote them based on Korilla's samples, but I do not exclude that I might have missed something."

"No, there is something more interesting here."

The girl's eyes walk around the room, but Raphael does not see understanding in them and continues his planned script.

"Maybe this will refresh your memory." an open notebook appeared in his hand, "I will quote. My new master is so handsome. I love watching him at work, and any expression on his face is awe-inspiring. Even when he shows irritation and anger, his wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and mouth seem perfectly sculpted, like on a majestic statue. And the wonderful shade of his skin causes a taste of honey on the tongue."

Tav realized from the first words that this was her diary, and in the course of his speech, a storm of feelings fought in her, but mostly shame and embarrassment. Her body also struggled, she wanted to hide her face and shrink into an inconspicuous ball. Raphael usually did not tolerate unnecessary movements, but the informal subject of conversation seemed to allow her to do so, especially since he was not looking at her, and she was not told to look at him.

Towards the end of the quote, she was sitting on a well-placed banquette, resting her elbows on her knees and covering her maroon face with her hands.

Raphael finished his speech, he slammed the notebook shut and it disappeared in a cloud of fiery sparks. Looking cunningly at the reflection, he lowered his wing so that he could see Tav.

"I see you all remember, don't you?"

The girl realized that she couldn't hide anymore and needed to answer.

"Yes, it's from my diary,"

Tav straightened up for an answer and began to straighten her hair.

"That's great. You know, I am honored by your writing talent, but I want to tell you that it is a very bad idea to record my affairs, clients and your assignments in your diary, I would like it to be more confidential information. Do you understand everything?"

Tav quickly recovered from the change of conversation to a more serious one. Trying to calm her excitement by saying that I haven't written anything about Raphael's deals yet.

"Yes, Master, I understand everything. No working information..."

She hesitated so as not to call it her diary or even worse personal notes, as if indicating her dissatisfaction with his interference. "... on paper."

"Okay, I'll count on your discretion"

Tav breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that the subject of the dialogue was over and she could return to the room and try to forget this shame is in a dream. But Raphael had other plans.

"As for the topics of your letter... It gave me great pleasure."

Tav's hopes were dashed when he continued, and the blush began to return to her face.

"I would like to know what your thoughts are about my current form."

The girl's eyes widen and her heart beats faster, as if at the behest of a spell and a snap of her fingers. Maybe she just misheard?

Tav clears his throat, "Excuse me?"

"You can hear everything perfectly. What can you say about the devil's form?"

The girl swallows and realizes that there is no option to escape. She catches a thought where she recently described her experiences about this form and begins to hesitantly voice them.

"Well... your skin is the color of ripe cherries, matching your fragrance.  And your face seems more elongated, partly because of the horns, I suppose. Your horns..." Tav's thoughts unfold freely, and his gaze stops looking for salvation in the floor and begins to examine the devil. "I think I've already memorized their shape, but every time they seem so beautiful, I highlight something new. At the base they are quite massive and diverge in different directions, this gives you a formidable appearance, reflects the rough nature and strength. I suppose that's what most devils need from their horns, but you have something more. Then they stretch upwards, become thinner and more elegant, but their spines retain a frightening appearance. And the small horns look like twigs of a tree and lazily repeat the shape of the big ones."

Raphael listens attentively and his gaze in the mirror moves from his reflection to Tav, which makes her hide her eyes, but desperately wants to continue.

"And your wings. I like that they hang loosely behind your back and when you stand they already reach the floor. They seem so heavy, although if their task is to grant flight, surely this is not so. I suppose they are very strong, that's why you have such a wide back..." Tav pulled herself away, entering dangerous reasoning territory and clasped her hands in her lap. "And there's a claw on top. You can also forget about him against the background of a soft red wing, but he looks quite menacing."

"What is the conclusion of your speech, little mouse?"

Tav was glad that this part of the interrogation was over, but the answer to a new question threatened to slip off her tongue. I love you

"You are very beautiful, lord"

"And the other conclusion?"

I love you

"Um... you've done a great job of creating an image."

I love you!!!

"Okay, so be it. And the last question. Am I really that old in your eyes?"

Tav was discouraged by this unexpected question.

"Not at all, Raphael," She was even afraid that he thought so, because it could be taken as an insult.  "I didn't mean it that way."

Raphael picks up a small jar of cream from the edge of the table. And Tav stops his excuses by watching his actions.

How he gently takes the cream on the pad of his finger and applies it to his face with massage movements.

He walks all over his face at a relaxed pace while Tav awkwardly shifts from one foot to the other behind his back.

"Come to me"

His voice snaps her out of her thoughts and she goes to the side of the chair, he in turn turns to her. Finally, they look at each other in a straight line, and not through a mirror.

"Have you washed your face?"

"Yes"

Tav looks confused as Raphael does not remove the cream, but on the contrary takes a little more on his finger and begins to apply it to her cheekbones.

Tav stops breathing.

"Dear, you are very attentive. However, there is a little advice."

The cream gives off a light smell and a feeling of freshness. And she almost wants to cry because the chill of the cream hides the heat of Raphael's hand from her.

"At the next formal meeting, pay attention not only to me, but more to the clients and the environment."

However, the more massage movements he makes, the faster the cream is absorbed, revealing the temperature of his fingers to her.

"If you notice something that I missed, because I'm playing my role, it will be useful"

His movements are incredibly attentive and gentle. But still, when he spends around his eyes, Tav prefers to close them, fearing claws and wanting to surrender to sensations.

Raphael stops and for a few moments they still look at each other. His palm descends and now his whole palm touches Tav's cheek.  There is more than enough of this feeling, and she flinches, betraying her nervousness.

Raphael smiles and looks softer than ever, especially unusual with his demonic black eyes.

"You're beautiful too. I like this young face."

Tav gets lost, her want there to be a pillow next to which you can scream.

"T-Thank you, that's very kind"

"I liked the other lines from your diary"

My God, a couple more of these moves and Tav will faint.

"You wrote about the heat of the spells that you use and wondered about the heat of the demonic body."

He thoughtfully lowers his palm down and takes Tav by the wrist, pulling her hand away from him. Her mouth threatens to fill with saliva and the girl decides to speak.

"Y-Yes, your skin is hotter,"

Raphael smiles once more at Tav's emotions and lets go of her hand.

"You also wrote that you are honored to be my warlock. You may not have enough skills yet, but you'll be a great assistant."

It sounded almost like a fatherly compliment, and he touched her shoulder briefly.

"Thank you, I-I will try a lot to meet your expectations."

Tav needs to run away from here, she won't stand any more questions.

"All right, mouse. I'll be looking forward to it. You can go."

Oh holy hell.

Tav breaks down in gratitude once more and hurriedly returns to his room.

Korilla assesses her agitated appearance and asks a question with just a glance.

"It's better to talk about it in the morning, I beg you."

Tav answers, throwing up his arms in a defensive pose. While she heads to the bed and quickly climbs under the covers, finally not feeling the attentive gaze on her.

[thessalian]

Thess vs TLOVM S3, Ep 3

Tried some Silent Hill 2, but a bad pain day has overtaken me and I am not up for getting ambushed by Lying Figures two at a time, once in an enclosed space. (Fucking record store.) Not that I didn't survive; it as just not fun when I've been having pain spasms in my left elbow most of the evening.

So instead, I'm going to liveblog TLOVM. I understand from the few spoilers I couldn't really avoid that I'm going to see a variation on one of my favourite scenes. So let's see.

Oooooh Raishan ... I mean, you're not as trustworthy as you want anyone you've been dealing with to believe, but ... say smarter things, Deceiver...

Okay, honey, your only hope is that Vorugal withholds that message he was told to give because he's greedy enough to want your empire. And hope that you can get Keyleth to believe that you're at least not immediately selling them out to Thordak. Otherwise, certain bits of your fate are going to happen a lot sooner.

Grog ... that is an A-B conversation, so C yourself out. Also ... I know people are going to think this is happening too fast, even those who saw the campaign as it happened, but ... what the fuck else are they supposed to do when they didn't have, "The arrows were flirting?" "The arrows were totally flirting"?!?

I guess Scanlan is very much invested in that whole thing he was talking to Kaylie about. If he forgets who he is when the lute goes down, he's going to hold it for as long as possible.

Someone taught Grog the phrase "spill the tea", and he only used about half of it. Typical.

"...perhaps I'll cut down the Sun Tree and build an extravagant canoe." Cassandra, you have recovered from your ordeal so very well.

YOU TELL HIM, CASSANDRA!

Yeah, Percy, "eugh" is right; that's terrible. Just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind that isn't self-recrimination and you will be fine-- Yeah! THAT'S the spirit!

Admittedly? I miss the multiple bottles. Maybe the animators in charge of this weren't up for Taliesin's earlier demand: "I will be expecting labels for all of those".

This is why we all need to be glad that Vex is ... Vex. If she was too much like her brother? This would be the result. Vax, borrow your sister's chutzpah for one night.

Wait. Wut.

"...Right. Shutting up now." So ... we decided on 'after', then. And that thing you said just before you knocked, Percival? Her. Not 'it'. HER.

Ah, so someone on screen has finally figured out the bit about "it doesn't necessarily mean everyone but her gets brutally murdered". Still, take your joys where you can, you idiot.

"So ... joy today isn't worth pain tomorrow--" THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID. THANK YOU, KEYLETH.

Well ... at least one of the Vessar twins is happy. And ... you know ... not a self-sacrificial dipshit.

Well. They had a good time.

"Good talk." BWAHAHAHA!

Well ... this is probably better than being high on magical drugs at important moments? Maybe?

brb - laughing at the dipshits.

I still have to wonder how they got this allowed. I thought Orion Acaba owned the rights to the name Draconia. Then again, he's done shit-all with it since 2019, so ... I dunno, maybe a deal was cut, or something? No one's even made mention of it.

Scanlan ... you bundle up that far and you still leave half your chest exposed?

Dohla... Dohla ... Rachel House. Hrm. Nothing I've seen, but most people would be all about Thor: Ragnarok, Moana, and Our Flag Means Death. Right. Moving on!

Okay, if we have the good ship Perc'halia being dragged in and out of dry dock for the sake of angst when we've already got Vaxleth beached and Scanlan ... you know, having a significant identity crisis that he's not getting help for (partly because he won't let anyone, but that's another thing)? I'm going to slap someone.

Well. Welcome to Hell. Nice place. In a "Night On Bald Mountain With Better Lighting" sort of way.

I ... was going to suggest that they spell it for Grog, but then I remember that they never did the thing where Pike taught him to read, so that'd be basically pointless. I ... don't think there's any way to correct him on that one.

Is it wrong that I'm not trusting Dohla?

Vex, what are you--? Ooooooooh shit. Well, that explains Yenk things.

So ... they're keeping the destruction of Draconia? Because however this come's out, Vorugal's going to tear shit up.

Also ... not trusting Dohla ... for a reason, apparently. This is a really interesting take on how things went in the campaign.

Seeing Allura and Kima fight is impressive.

I'm impressed no one did anything with the "We're edging" line. Then again, Scanlan's currently in Hell, so...

Dohla ... yeah, no, don't shit-talk ancient dragons. They will-- that. Yeah, there goes the story of you.

...I didn't know Fenthras could do that...

I know Kima is going to be okay. I know Kima is going to be okay. I know this entirely too well. It is going to be an object lesson of the "sometimes this shit works out" variety and everybody will be okay. I know this partly because campaign and partly because I need to know this down to my bones to get any sleep tonight.

At least Vex has somewhat more emotional intelligence than her brother-- mostly. Sort of. But at least Percy seems to understand what she's not-saying. And she did at least communicate worth a shit.

(Also that is probably the only way they can actually convey that will-they-won't-they dance of frustrating nonsense they had going during a lot of the campaign while dealing with a shorter-form format like half-hour episodes.)

Well ... that could have been a more painful cliffhanger... But I'm grateful it wasn't because I can't handle more adrenaline tonight.

Right. Winding down time. Hopefully I'll be in better shape tomorrow and the flu vaccine doesn't hit me too hard.

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 106 // About That Poker Game // Day 105

Contents (Warnings): Not just poker. (Angst, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 4,200+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: None unfortunately

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(Jan. 27th, Friday)

Wicks

He was half paying attention to Lynette's conversation with Claudia over video call. As he did so, he blew over the coffee mug—the steam had finally seized.

His sister was across from him, her back on the bar overlooking the living room. Her herbal tea was next to her in her goofy pup mug of a carefully sculpted poodle. That's what she intended. The reference picture she brought into the sculpting shop when they went as a family and her final product looked very different. Not that my green Super Ranger head came out any better. I had to tell them I was making a bush.

He pushed off his counter next to the coffee machine and sink and put his lower back on the bar to rest beside her to enjoy her company.

As he settled, he tuned into their chatter and heard Claudia ask Lynette if she wanted to hang out for another girls' day. Without hesitation, Wicks leaned next to her, showed his face to Claudia, and said, "That's not happening."

Lynette flicked to him, gasping. Wicks sipped his bitter black coffee as she fumbled to speak, "It-it's going to be in a place with humans this time. We're going ice skating."

Wicks lowered his cup and lifted his free hand to her face. " Let me tell you this again, dear little sister." He pinched her cheek lightly, but it still made her whimper. "You aren't going anywhere outside of work without one of your family members there."

"Don't be a meanie, Wicks!" Claudia said. "Let her go and let go of her cheek, that's best friend privileges only." She did snappy lobster claws with her hands.

"Bwest fwriends?" Lynette acted like she couldn't talk properly while he held her cheek.

Wicks disregarded his sisters' antics and glared at Claudia on the screen. "Excuse you, you better not be laying a finger on my sister when I'm not around. She's MINE to tease...and sometimes Charletta and moms."

"I never consented to being teased," Lynette muttered.

Wicks smiled back at her innocently. "Consents not needed in good jests."

"Very true," Claudia nodded from the other side.

"See." Wicks agreed for a moment, then shifted again to Claudia. "HEY." He took the phone from Lynette. "Don't try to get on my good side. No amount of buttering me up or complimenting my sister will make me say yes." He could see Claudia's cat-like grin. You devious little fae.

Claudia whimpered, "Come on, Wicks. It's my birthday. You're not going to let Lynette miss my party, are you?"

Wicks pointed at the phone, and Lynette held him back from pressing the screen. "You celebrated your birthday with me, you liar!"

"Rats."

Wicks let her cheek go, his shoulder still pressed against hers. He exhaled, his tone falling from playfulness, "Do I have to remind you, my sister, in the last, what-"

"6 months on February 8th." Lynette said.

He jerked his coffee to one side away from her, nearly spilling it. His heart started racing. I've also been through a lot these past months too, but you're my sister. You're not supposed to be involved in any of this. "IN "ABOUT THE LAST 6 MONTHS SHE'S BEEN TAKEN 3 TIMES."

Lynette raised her finger, "With Claudia, it wasn't-"

Wicks didn't let her complete that sentence, "3 times." He returned to the phone, "I don't want her out and about with you guys." He didn't mean to say it so rudely. He really didn't hate Claudia. "No offense. She has a terrible track record with anyone from that pizzeria."

"Please, Lynette and I don't hang out much!" Claudia folded her hands together. Is she holding the device with her other hand? It's still swinging slightly.

Wicks caught his sister's glance. Her eyes were wide and pleading. "Don't hit me with those puppy dog eyes!" He forced himself to look away. "This is not up for debate, Lentils. I don't want you in any more danger."

Someone's voice came from Claudia's end. Wicks didn't see them in the video. "We can have it at our apartment." Their head entered the frame, pushing Claudia out of the way and down onto their couch. It was the green-haired girl with long, curly pigtails.

Wicks understood that she worked the morning shift at the pizzeria and had Claudia illegally registered through Zetsu.

"Our apartment is well guarded as this is a C.P.P.A. complex. If something were to happen, several agents are on standby and strict with who enters."

Garter usually works as security entrance detail at that apartment building when they don't send him on other recons. If he's working that day, I'd feel better. Wicks stared down at the phone. No, I shouldn't risk anyone else finding out about Lynette.

"Is that a yes?" His sister asked.

"Don't start," he bit his lip and lifted the phone to look at Tila better. Her eyes look rather soulless, don't they? Fairies have a lot more life to them in fairytales. "Who's going?"

"Girls from our work. None of whom are interested in Lynette in the way you assume." She spoke concisely.

Wicks looked at Lynette to confirm it. He restrained himself from reading her mind.

"Viola's nice, Zilla's not out for me perse, she goes after the others, and-"

"So she gets Alexander and Drake?"

"Mostly Xander, yeah. I have yet to really see her go after Drake. She goes after Lev, too."

Wicks knew very little about Lev. All he concluded was that he didn't like the face she made when mentioning his name. He eats you to, doesn't he? They're all heathens.

Wicks drifted back to Alexander. The half-wendigo still perplexed him. "I'm surprised anyone would chase a hybrid."

"From what her brother told me," Tila answered for Lynette, "Zilla has tastebuds similar to that of a mimic like him." The word mimic made his body tense. I should have been more attentive. "Their anatomy's quite fascinating." She tipped her head up in thought. "If I remember correctly, there were only five other documented cases of a hybrid between a mimic and something else. Obviously, Wendigo's being the most well-known mimic hybrids, theirs becoming a species-"

Wicks fell from Tila's explanation. Not that he meant to disregard her enthusiasm for her knowledge; he simply had to think.

He threw an arm over his sister's shoulder and politely smiled. "She'll call you guys back." He hung up quick to avoid feedback.

"Wicks, she was talking!"

He placed her phone down along with his coffee cup. "Lentils, I don't want you to be kidnapped ever again. You are so lucky it's worked out so far." He couldn't lock onto her gaze.

He kept failing to protect her.

"You aren't a monster. You shouldn't be hanging out with them." He meant nothing against them. He feared what could happen, even though his first failure wasn't considered something with..." monsters."

"I've been with you guys all this time, right?" She said to prove a point.

Wicks' conflict rose. He wanted to say it. His hands that he brought to her shoulders clutched tighter. He didn't want to see her go again. "It hasn't always been smooth. We hid a lot from you, I did, I..." Please, don't leave again.

Her hand delicately touched his, and she smiled. "I want to be involved. I want to hang out with Claudia. I want to do this. Regardless of how rough things are with training, with them..." She hugged his fingers, "I also like seeing you and Garter interact. It's nice to see you coming out of your shell with other people."

He couldn't look at her—he found himself in a stewpot of embarrassment and worry.

She put her other hand up so she could hold both of his hands on her. "I'm not that strong or capable, I know. I'm still scared of what I don't understand about this. But...I don't want to run away. Six months is coming soon, and I won't get into any more trouble if I can help it."

His soft hazel eyes delicately touched her efficacious forest green. They were stronger and ever so hopeful. Her eagerness surprisingly calmed his anxieties like she'd always be there to help him.

His eyes suddenly burned. He was reminded of when it was stripped from her and what he did to get them back.

"Wicks, I love you."

He made himself smile, "I love you too, Lentils." It's over. He said, refusing to let it come out. "A whole speech to convince me you should go to that girl's day, huh?"

Lynette lightly pulled away. "No, I won't go if it'll put you more at ease."

It would. She smiled either way, and his thoughts argued in his head. He didn't want to keep her from everyone. He wanted her to be happy.

Wicks took a deep breath, shoving down his worries. "Any signs of danger, stab it."

He swore her eyes sparkled. "Wait, you're letting me go?"

"You're not leaving their apartment, okay? If you do, I'll never trust you again."

Lynette immediately threw her arms around him in a big hug. "Thank you!"

He squeezed her tight, "You're welcome."

…

Drake

I still can't believe she let him have ANOTHER day. He thought to himself.

As usual, his back was on the wall across from the time clock, and his best friend was beside him. They had been looking at stuff on their phones separately.

As soon as she gets here, I know you never stop complaining about her. But you don't ever do it anymore when she's not around. Drake scrolled through the recent chapter of mechanical cutting tool dude. He wasn't paying much attention to it. You don't do that to piss me off when I break up your fights, do you? He joked in his head.

The phone buzzing in his hand knocked him out of thought. It was the "manager chat".

It only blew up for two reasons: something happened, or his Dad was planning a vacation. As far as Drake saw, it was quiet today. "Is Dad considering another vacation?" Drake muttered.

Alexander peeked over. Drake wasn't going to hide it from him. However, Drake took the opportunity to see he was playing on his phone.

There were a few cats on screen. He recognized the game, where cats occasionally visited the in-game house when the proper food and toys were there.

"That looks like a game Lynette would play. Talking about it together would be a great way for you guys to bond." Drake snickered as he said it.

Alexander turned off his phone screen, "shut up."

Drake then opened up his texts.

Edgar: I'm considering holding a special pizzeria event at our resort. What do you guys think?" 1:50 p.m.

Elliot: It sounds fine. 1:50 p.m

Sandra: I think the others will enjoy it if they get time to relax too.  1:50 p.m

Tristan: I concur.  1:51 p.m

Edgar: Of course, a night celebration on the first day, so they can enjoy the place during the day and possibly the next. 1:51 p.m

If it's that island off the coast, I haven't been there for a while. He saw another message from his Dad toward him.

Edgar: Hey, Drake, what do you think? Would the night crew bite at that idea? 1:52 p.m

Drake peeked around the corner from the wall he was at and down the hall where his Dad's office was. He imagined his Dad's laughing face from his office.

"And guess who's going to be on watch Shrimp duty." Alexander exhaled as he looked back at his phone.

"You invited her here. You're responsible for her." Drake lightly jabbed Alexander in his ribs.

"YoU'rE tHe OnE wHo InViTeD hEr HeRe." He sassed under his breath. "She's your responsibility, Alex. You should watch her, Alex. Don't worry that you eat humans, and she's the fucking best your body can ever get, Alex. You're overreacting, Alex; it can't bother you that-"

"You kinda are."

"I'm going to fucking end you, you little shit."

Drake pursed his lips to hold his laugh and replied to his Dad.

Drake: That's cool. 1:53 p.m

Edgar: Great, I'll get the paperwork set up. I must also run it by the C.P.P.A. to authorize our special employees.  1:53 p.m

He's talking about Claudia and Tila, right?

"Hey, guys." 

Drake squinted at Lynette's approach, not particularly at her. Alexander was ready to say something and glared at his best friend while greeting Lynette.

Be nice. "Hey, Lynette."

"Hey, Shrimp." Alexander put emphasis on the nickname specifically to rile up him and Lynette.

I'm killing you first.

"It's Lynette." She corrected it like always.

Drake assumed that because he annoyed Alexander earlier, he would start a fight with Lynette." I'm not taking back what I said," he said, smirking about using the line she did yesterday.

"You-" She held her tongue.

"Go on, say it, give me more motivation to win today, Shrimp."

Drake stepped on Alexander's foot, regardless of whether it would hurt him, and it caught Alexander's attention.

He tried to keep their focus on the actual game. "Neither of you are winning today, not that I blame you, Lynette." I totally do. "It's Lev's game; no one but him is winning."

Drake picked up on the steps a little late. "Who knows, they could win. I have a game of luck today for everyone.~" Lev tweeted as he walked to them from the kitchen again.

"That's bullshit," Drake said.

"Such a debby downer, aren't you?"

Drake's eyelids dropped, not that anyone could see it. No, I'm not as gullible and willing to roll over to you.

"What's the game?" Alexander asked, crossing his arms.

"I was thinking we could continue that poker game we never played because you worried about hours." He teased Alexander.

"Oh fuck, I am not doing that hour shit."

"You can have the same boring, normal dribble of a bet if you win." Lev's gaze fell on Lynette, "while I'll be betting hours to request what I want."

"What you want?"

"Sound fun, doesn't it?"

Lynette quietly let out her sentence. "I don't like your definition of fun."

"It's nothing bad. It could be as simple as playing games with me like Darts or maybe eating you for a lunch period so I don't have to deal with Zilla," he said.

He's a liar. What else would he want them for?

"Why do I doubt you," Lynette said.

"Are you saying you wouldn't want to use those hours for your own gain? Tell you what, if you win, I'll allow you to use those hours on multiple days—that's five lunch periods. I won't come after you."

Lynette readjusted her ponytail, pulling it nice and tight. "you're planning something."

"I always am, Lynette.~"

Drake sighed.

Lynette wouldn't back down. The determined flare in her eyes was too bright, and it got stupidly brighter the more the days went on. "I'll win then."

Lev chuckled, and Drake saw a glint of his sharp incisors—they only showed with excitement: "That's what I love to hear."

…

Lynette

It had been relatively quiet working registers with Alexander.

I glanced over at him while he wiped down his side of the counter. I should get along, for Drake's sake. Not that I could hate him.

He's so weird. His actions frustrated me to no end. He was so contradictive. He constantly seemed annoyed or did not want anything to do with us, yet he helped me and helped anyone regardless of how they treated him.

"What do you want?"

I shook out of it. "Huh?"

He looked at me wearing a scowl, "You were staring again."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, getting a rag and cleaning my side. "You don't have to say it like I do it the most."

"You do."

"I do not." I looked at him, dampening my wet rag. "I see you glancing at me out of the corner of your eye all the time!"

"You're full of yourself," Alexander grumbled, not denying it, and handed me the dry rag for when I finished. "At least I don't full-on stare at you constantly."

There's no way I do that much. Drake told me the same thing. "I was going to say something to you." I attempted to cover my own butt.

"Say it, and don't stare at me for a whole five minutes."

My voice came out squeaker than I wanted. "It was not five minutes!!"

"Felt like it."

"I didn't."

He took the spray bottle I handed him and leaned over to put it back under the counter. "Well, tell me what you have to say because I'm getting more hungry than I already was and pissed.."

"WHY are you getting hungry?!"

"I'm talking to you."

"How does talking to me make you hungry?!"

Alexander shot a glare, "Because I'm noticing you, hearing your shrill voice-"

"My VOICE isn't shrill!" My vocals betrayed me and rose when I said it.

"Uh-huh." He covered his ear on the side I was on.

My face was hot, and I searched desperately to say something to get him back. "I'd rather sound shrill instead of sounding so gravelly and deep it's hard to understand me."

He turned his head back to me and focused down. "The fuck you mean?"

"When you mutter or growl, I sometimes can't really understand you," I said, "which is how you talk most of the time."

Alexander grinned real wide, "OH, I swear I'm gonna-"

Neither of us noticed our long-haired boss until he touched our heads. "I can hear you both shouting, mostly Alexander, from the back. I don't want either of you to scare away our customers." Edgar said politely. "So apologize and make up, please."

We both said a pitiful sorry. Or Alexander did while I tried to be sincere.

Edgar pointed to the kitchen, "If you need a breather, Alexander, come work the back."

Alexander listened and left.

Edgar took his gentle hand from me. I rarely saw Edgar as of late. Apparently, he had been on a short vacation earlier this month for a 'family reunion.' Drake made it sound brutal.

"You two bicker like Danee and I did back in the day."

I shivered, "What are you implying? I don't like Xander." I was then reminded of yesterday's kiss and wanted to curl up and die. "I mean in that way, as a person..." I don't know how I feel about him as a person.

Edgar put his gloved hand near his mouth. "Sorry, that was a thought for myself." He cleared his throat and changed the subject, "In lighter news, it has come to my attention that you are hitting your six months soon, so that promised payment is on the way, and we can count the little pizzeria vacation as your party." He said quietly, leaning in.

"Vacation?" What is he talking about?

"I've said too much." His wine-red hue gleamed, and his smile wiggled. He wanted to tell me more. He contained himself. "And, Lynette, let me know if you need anything or if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, Tristan and Sandra are here to talk to as well."

He left after that.

Vacation like the festival? That went terribly last time. I did have a weapon this time, though.

The traffic upfront picked up, and it took me longer to get to the back than usual. Granted, it was a poker game, and those usually didn't take long.

By the time I got back there, Lev was shuffling cards with Drake at the table across from him. Xander's late?

"What, you still don't trust me dealing?"

"Of course I don't."

Lev snickered, "As I've said before, why wouldn't I bring a simple game if my goal was to win that easily. There are plenty of things I can almost guarantee none of you will know how to play." He then placed the deck down, "Besides, when Wendie gets here, I want your hat on and the seal redone to make you hear the same as a human. No heartbeats."

Drake put his hat on, "so you can bluff."

"Bluffing is allowed. Besides, this is a cheat-free game, with a new deck, new chips, and new..." Lev ushered me to sit at the table. "Hey, Lynette, take a seat."

I sat between him and Drake.

We waited another ten minutes before Alexander arrived.

Lev spoke up when he did. "I heard you two were having fun at the counter today." He held off dealing the cards. "I wanted to add another rule, and if neither of you like it, you don't have to play."

Drake and Alexander didn't like the sound of that. "What is it?" Alexander asked.

"If you fold, you automatically forfeit all your tokens to the winner, and you must follow those same rules."

"Not playing," Drake dropped out, and he wanted to pull Alexander with him.

Alexander still played, and Lev handed out our two cards. I had two of the same suit, an ace and 9 of hearts.

...

Lev

His heartbeat quickened.

Lynette laid her cards down first and declared her, "flush." He pressed his to his lips and spoke, "What a hand, Lynette.~"

He liked watching her desperately studying him to see if he was trying to fake her out one last time.

He kissed his cards and hummed. "Four of a kind." He tossed his two tens down. It matched the others on the table.

She looked over them in defeat.

"I got a little luckier than you, is all," Lev chuckled as he said so, "but chin up, I'll be using those five hours later, maybe a Tuesday evening."

He heard the skepticism in her voice, "T-tuesday, I'm off Tuesday's."

"Remember our game of old maid? You said no more bets that are more than a day. You never specified when for bets. What day or what time of day." Her expression quickly changed; she opened her mouth to speak, but Lev was faster on the draw. "And now you think you want to rectify that, right? You'll have to play a game with me for that. It can be your own game Monday. Another game of darts, perhaps~." She'd never do that again.

He watched her defiantly shake her head. " Not darts. I'll pick a game we've never played before."

Alexander squinted, having lost to the absurdity as well. "You did all this to have hours outside of work. Can't you get any other human?"

"I have patience." Lev chuckled and continued ruthlessly, "So, I don't want to hear it from the one who was practically salivating over every second of a twenty-four hour deal."

"Fuck off." Alexander's lip twitched, and his growl thrummed, "I just don't get why you always do everything so extra when you're going to fucking eat her."

"Well, Wendie..." Lev's hue spurred with glee. Drake was coming back to the table, so he took a breath, knowing he'd get the two galloping. "It's more of a competition between Lynette and I." He smirked at Lynette before readjusting his gaze to the other two. "Comparatively, you two are background characters. One trying to offer guilt-ridden moral support." Lev's yellow hue went from Drake to Alexander, "and the other is a pitiful attempt at being a threat to hide their underlying insecurities."

Alexander growled, unable to form a coherent response. Lev expected that much from him.

Drake, on the other hand, nearly crushed the bag of blood he had in his clawed hand. "And you're a wannabe playboy who's narcissistically desperate for every little ounce of attention."

Do you think that's it? "Desperate? I can have all the love and admiration I want in an instant. That's too simple."

Lev had more to say, but Lynette stood up from her chair, bringing everyone's gaze to her. "At least they have some reason going after me, regardless of whether I like it." She looked briefly at Alexander and readjusted back to Lev. "You don't."

Her gull pleasantly surprised him. Not that he was scared. He found it cute. You still think you're that knight who'll defeat the dragon. "I've told you countless times before," he placed his palms down and stood up. He made sure he stood in front of her. Alexander shifted in his seat, anticipating a fight. Lev ignored him. "Entertainment is my reason." Lev's yellow eyes drifted to the clock counting down above the door with his name.

"We aren't here to entertain you," Lynette said.

Lev then tilted in, his tone this time not leaving his lips as easily as melted silver. It was sharp like the knife she had strapped to her. "I wouldn't be here if you weren't."

The clock's beeping above the door behind her stopped any further retaliation. Her eyes narrowed in on him. He met her look with his arrogantly smug face and brushed past her.

"Can't wait to compete with you Monday!~" He said aloud as he walked through the door when it pulled back.

He entered the hall and disliked the unsettling ease building in him. He watched his words—he knew he didn't say anything incriminating to her. Maybe it was the fact that something big happened over a month ago, and it altered her.

Whatever it was. Lev didn't like it. Change was inevitable, but it was also painfully...less predictable.

...

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

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What I’d do for a Livable Income Part 2 (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[absolutebl]

Kpop end of 2022 shows

In which I mostly slam 4th gen boy groups, so if you’re a stan skip this post or go in prepared to be offended. I am aware that this is off brand for this blog. But I’m also aware that I have a number of followers who are as deeply into Kpop as me, and...

who probably will unfollow me after reading this. Oh well, I’m gonna do it anyway. This is my tiny corner of the internet. MINE I tell you!  

Look, there was no Between Us airing today, and so nothing for me to get my watch-along snark out on except for the 2 Kpop shows that Viki popped into my feed. So skip this post if that’s not your thing. 

2022 Gayo Daejeon (stadium event) 

OMG! Either mic them properly or don’t mic them at all! This is a music concert, right? Why can’t Korea ever fucking get the sound right in these goddamn bonanza shows? I had this problem with Kingdom (arguably more of an issue since that was supposedly made for TV) but it’s 100 times worse with this show. It’s so frustrating. 

For example, with NCT, why is Johnny’s the only hot mic in the group? Sound tech on stuff out of Korea is mind numbingly confusing and ear wrenchingly annoying. I am reminded why I never watch the live shows and never go to Kpop concerts.

And now, here’s some offensive thoughts and unpopular opinions:

Yeonjun of TXT is one of the best 4th gen dancers ever fielded, and one of the better all rounders. But Kpop stylists gotta learn how to dress a dancer so that they can be properly watched, ya know, WHEN THEY ARE DANCING. No puffer vests, you brainless fashionista numb-nuts. Poor thing kept having to do wardrobe adjustments. Honestly, this plus their red carpet looks this year? 

TXT desperately needs a new stylist.

Stray Kids

As a group? They really can’t sing very well or consistently, their strength is in their performance and rapping. And their rappers MUST to be micced hot for live - just KILL 3racha's backup recording, okay? They can handle it. Otherwise please just let them all lip-synch so we can watch them perform. It’s a much better experience.

NCT

Yuta has more charisma in his little finger than Taeyong has in his whole entire body. Doyoung is an incredibly underrated vocalist. Their’s was some of the worst miccing and sound of the night (which is saying a lot considering how terrible it was the whole time). Fantastic use of the stage tho. One the best stadium performance I’ve seen since GOT7. Also, 2 Baddies is an objectively terrible song - which is probably why it’s so popular.

The Boyz

Definitely the prettiest, how are they consistently so glorious on their visuals? Sunwoo keeps getting hotter, it’s patently unfair. But, oh my god, if you are going to have a group sing ballads, then bring 2nd (Highlight) or 3rd (BTOB) gens up there don’t use The Boyz (or SK for that matter). No one wants to hear unstable vocals, even if it’s a CNBLUE cover. Is it weird that The Boyz make me miss Seventeen? Same vibe... better syncopation. 17 is not as pretty tho.

Who is? 

Well, UNIQ of course. But I don’t wanna talk about that. 

Ateez

Jongho is the only 4th gen idol in existence who doesn’t need a mic even in a goddamn stadium. He is insane. But there is a reason the boy likes a handheld mic, because he takes his vocals seriously. And still the sound tech didn’t trust him enough to leave that mic hot? Frankly, it’s a crime that Jongho’s voice is wasted on a performance group. (Yes, I said it.) But Ateez did give the best stage of the night. They really are one of the industry’s hardest working groups at the moment. I’m a little worried they’re being pushed too much.

Enhyphen

Actually singing for a change *gasp* what will they do without auto tune? Ooof, I’m hella mean tonight. And... they seem to have been practicing their vocals since last time. Honestly? They lack the stage presence of some of the more experienced 4th gens. NCT fucking EATS up a stadium. Enhyphen looked a little sad up there by comparison.

MBC 2022 (New Year's showcase) 

Much better sound (mostly lip-synching) and most groups handle a showcase stage better than a stadium. 

The MC team was better on this one. 

Any time the Boyz and Ateez would like to dance together, I will be happy to watch it happen.

I’m not particularly interested in either of them, but Tempest and Kepler covering Pretty U was pretty damn cute. But younger boy groups + younger girl groups intermixing on stage always comes off as awkward. Dancers should be dancing together when they share a stage together. It’s weird when they are clearly afraid to touch each other. 

Hanbin is such sunshine, so pleased to see a Vietnamese idol at last.

As expected the bands doing live Krock had the best music performances. Well and the opera singers, of course. 

NCT’s Jungwoo is Taemin’s little brother, they look too much alike, you cannot persuade me otherwise. 

It’s a sin that Jeahyun hasn’t has a break away acting role yet. No babies, he really isn’t going to do us a BL. 

It’s always great when the surfeit of music shows at the end of the year forces a group like NCT to divide and conquer, because we get to see some of the lesser publicized members do some killer performing. 

NCT’s choreographer is phenomenal. Best in the biz? 

A sexy cover of Love Killa is fine but if you can’t go hard on Monsta X’s raps then why bother? This only made me want to go watch the original. Which I did. 

I’d like to see SK cover Monsta X but that’s about it. Maybe P1H.

Speaking of MX. Why did they cover a song where Kihyun (one of the most consistent voices in Kpop) mostly has to sing falsetto? What a damn waste. 

Fun to see IM getting more confident in his vocals but I’d still rather see the MX maknae line rap. 

And… thank you for doing an end of year stage Monsta X! Holding onto my beloved 3rd gens by the skin of my teeth here. Look I just love them, okay? Even down 2 members Monsta X goes harder than other groups, but effortlessly. They gave the best performance of my whole night, both shows, 6 hours of content and I’m just left wanting to watch MX comeback stages.  

Am I 3rd gen biased? 

Probably. 

Bite me. But only if you can do it as hard as Monsta X would. 

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Pairing Wolfstar: Trans Ftm Remus x Sirius

Muggle AU: Remus and Sirius were childhood friends because the Lupins used to work for The Black Family.

***

Rosie had spent hours on the phone hoping to hear Sirius’s voice again. Rosie’s mum had helped her call to Sirius’s mansion multiple times. Kreacher always picked up. Sirius wasn’t available, He was busy. He wasn’t home. Rosie had heard a million of excuses. But she had never heard this:

“Master Sirius wanted me to tell you that he doesn’t wish to speak with you, young lady. Please don’t call here again.”

Rosie didn’t want to believe it. Not after everything they’ve gone through. Not after she had seen the boy running after their car the day she left. Maybe Sirius was angry about something. But still Kreacher’s words made her sad. Rosie felt a horrible pain on her chest. She had never experienced something like that before.

“It’s called heartbroken, darling.” Rosie’s mother said when she found her crying.

“Do you mean my heart broke? Is it bleeding?”

“No, love” Hope smiled “We call heartbroken to the pain you feel when someone you love a lot hurts you. And you love Sirius, don’t you?”

Rosie sighed. “I wanted to marry him when we got older. But I never got to tell him. I might never see him again.” The girl’s eyes filled with tears again.

“Rosie, baby. You are young.” Hope said as she combed her daughter’s hair “You will meet many boys that will make you feel wonderful things, and some on them might hurt you. But it will come a day when you find the right one. The love of your life. And he won’t hurt you. He will make you very very happy.”

“Do you think that is Sirius?”

Hope laughed softly. “Maybe he is. Maybe he is not. Only time will tell.”

“Will I ever see him again?”

“If it is meant to be, things will work out for you two,” Hope kissed Rosie’s cheek. “And for the record, I think Sirius loves you too. Just give him time. He will call you.”

It had been simple for Remus to understand it then. But now, everything was so complicated with Sirius. If he made him feel wonderful things, if he made Remus happy, if he felt like the one, then why did he make Remus suffer this much. Destiny had brought them back together. They were the bestest of friends. But Remus didn’t expect to still feel this way for Sirius after years. His heart had never stopped loving him.

Sirius was the only boy who could make Remus feel in the clouds but also at the same time, made Remus feel a terrible pain on his chest. It was love. And it was more complicated than what Hoped had explained many years ago.

“Come on. Moony. Don’t be angry with me. I miss you.”

“I am not angry.” It was true. Remus had cried over Sirius, cursed his name, sworn to hate him. But Remus was always back to the same. When the anger was gone, all what was left was love.

“Then talk to me.”

“I said I love you and you didn’t say it back.” Remus snapped back, his eyes still on his book “It’s okay, Sirius. I’ll live. Just give me some time.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t love you.” Sirius whispered.

Remus looked up at him. Sirius looked guilty and confused. But slightly flustered. It happened every time Remus talked about his feelings.

“But you don’t love me like I love you. You love me as your friend,”

“I don’t know how I love you. But I do.” Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “You know I am mental about you. And I don’t want you to regret everything we did… Our kisses… All our times together.”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t regret it. I don’t regret any of our times together.” Then he smiled at him. “I love you.”

Sirius’s cheeks turned pink, and he looked down. “Remus, you shouldn’t…” he swallowed.  “I don’t deserve you. I am coward.”

“I love you, Sirius.” Remus was more confident at saying it. He had hidden his feeling for so long, always hoping, letting Sirius kiss him in secret, hoping for more. Now that he had said it for the first time, he couldn’t stop. “I love you more than I friend. I love you like I never loved anyone…”

Sirius was out of words. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. Now it is time for you to tell me how you feel.” Remus sighed. “And if you don’t feel the same, I will understand.”

Sirius’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“We will still be friends, I swear.” Remus smiled. “Just think about it, okay?”

Sirius smiled slightly and hesitated before giving Remus a kiss on the cheek. “Moony… “ he sighed “Moony… Moony… Moony….”

Remus snorted happily with the nickname. “Padfoot…”

Sirius’s head rested on Remus’s shoulder, nesting there. Remus’s heart started breathing fast. He really wished Sirius would tell him he loved him back. Otherwise, he didn’t know how he was going to get Sirius out of his system, how he was going to stop loving him.

“You drive me crazy, Moony.”

Still, that wasn’t ‘I love you’, but it made Remus entirely happy for now. He is the one, Hope. Remus’s mind told his dead mother. Sirius had always been the one.

***

This is inspired on the song Say Don't Go by Taylor Swift.

[the-wolfspider]

[Loading Video File.]

[Video File: Lab Recording O1.]

[Play? Y/N]

*Bowe is sitting at a desk fiddling with a measurment, and sighs.*

Hello. My name is Atticus Bowe-Lopez.

I have recently started therapy, and my therapist told me to make a journal. I hope that a video journal is suitable for him, cause I don’t like writing down my thoughts. Prefer it to be a spill of mush from my mouth for others to interpret.

*He clears his throat.*

Anyway. I reckon I can say anything in this thing cause only him and I are gonna see it.

So, to start off, He told me to answer some questions for him so that’s what I’m gonna do. It’s like having homework all over again.

Ahem

*Thered the sounds of paper rustling before he pops back up in frame.*

Alright. He wrote them down for me, so.

Question 1: What is your greatest fear?

Cheesy. Alright. I’d say my greatest fear is hurting the people I care about. I reckon that’s due to me having done it before and it’s a pattern I fear to repeat over and over. I’m trying to change for the better and yet I still fail. But I’m hoping that if I actually work myself out. That I won’t. That I’ll be able to control myself better. That I’ll be a good husband, I’ll be a good father, a good friend, and not be a jackass like I have recently.

Question 2: if you’ve done something terrible in the past, do you think you should be forgiven?

Okay Damn right from general question and right into stabbing me.

Short answer is No. I don’t think I should be forgiven.

I don’t think I should be forgiven for what I’ve said or what I’ve done in the past few days. I feel like I did stupid shit, terrible acts and yet I didn’t get punished.

Where are the consequences? Is there not supposed to be something to punish me for nearly killing my husband? For running off? For doing a stupid mission that led me nowhere?

…I think I made myself retire now as a punishment. As a way to keep myself from flying off the handle. …Maybe I can limit my Goober capabilities too…I’ll have to ask Lyla..at some point…if she’ll talk to me.

Question 3: Is there anything on your mind you want to talk about our next session?

I mean yeah. I’ve got shit loads. At the moment I’m worried about my situation with Duende. With Lindsey. With Miguel. With Mer. With Everyone.

Im worried about the choices I’m making.

If I’m in the wrong ship.

If I’m going to end up hurting others again cause I’m insisting that I can help.

But everytime I help I screw something up it seems.

…but Im also thinking about Lyla…

We had such a good friendship…but I think she hates me now…and that’s one of my worst fears.

Having an Ai despise me when she knows so much about me.

She’s been missing ever since she encountered duende and I’m terrified of what’s going to happen next. Out of all people she would be the one to be able to deliver a heart wrenching punishment to me…

I cared so much for her that it made me forget she’s one of the things that scare me the most, Especially with her access to so much information about me, my past, and everyone I care for. That if I get on her bad side that she could easily tear me down…god I hope it doesn’t come back to that.

Please let her just be in Maintenance…please I don’t need her to have been planning a way to get me out of here. To get Duende out. I don’t think I could handle that.

I—

*A flame flickers out in the background before flaring up in a huge puff]

SHIT—

[The video Ends there]

[outer-space-face]

Since you asked me, what are YOUR favourite movies??? 👀

Thank you for the ask boog!! :DDD OH BOY DO I GOT ANSWERS

(also I'm gonna be bending the rules a little bit for what counts as a movie because there's some things that I just need to mention that aren't technically movies but I watch as movies if you know what I mean)

Okay first and foremost, let's get the elephant in the room out of the way: Kiki's Delivery Service.

I could write a whole 4 hour long video essay on how much this movie means to me and how it is absolutely incredible. The art, the characters and their development, the message, the voice acting, THE SCORE?!?!?!? EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING AND IT IS CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED FOR HOW GENUINELY THOUGHTFUL AND WELL CRAFTED IT IS. I love this movie so much and there are a bajillion times more instances that I have related to Kiki than I can count. I love this movie.

Okay now that that's out of the way, another two favorites of mine are Amélie and Little Miss Sunshine.

These movies are so warm and fuzzy. Like, I always leave them with such a giddy smile on my face lol. I am quite literally BEGGING to live the life that Amélie is living (who knows, maybe I will) and the family dynamics in Little Miss Sunshine are so genuinely heartwarming and I just UGH. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. Also, both scores are ✨️impeccable✨️

Another one of my favorites is Fantastic Mr. Fox which I actually only watched fairly recently. I'd just watched it around autumn of last year so it's more recent than a lot of the other one's on my list but I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS MOVIE. First of all, the script is hilarious and I love the sheer ridiculousness of the whole escapade, and the foresty fall vibe and colour palette of this film is just so ✨️🍂crisp🍂✨️ it's PERFECT. Also I just ADORE stop-motion animation so this movie is an absolute delight.

I'm gonna group these next two together under the category of "Romance I am completely hopeless and pathetic for" and those movies are The Wind Rises and Anastasia (Amélie could also fit in this category but it carries more of a similar fuzzy feeling to Little Miss Sunshine so I grouped those two together instead)

I FEEL SO LONELY AND IN LOVE EVERY TIME I WATCH THESE MOVIES. I'M NOT KIDDING, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED ANY OF THE ROMANCE SCENES IN THE WIND RISES GO DO THAT RIGHT NOW YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. THEY ARE SO SWEET. THE HUG. THE HUGGGGG. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ANYA AND DIMITRI'S DYNAMIC BECAUSE OMG. I need that in my life :') I also just love all the visuals in both of these films. Like that one scene in Anastasia where all the ghosts of Anya's past fly through the windows is just SO PRETTY. Anyway I'm done being obnoxious about love now ajsgsjhsk

Now is the time where I bend the rules for this question a little bit because TECHNICALLY it's not a movie, it's a recording of a stage musical but I don't care because it's just so good. That Musical is Into the Woods (not the movie because it's terrible)

This movie is Shrek before Shrek was made. It is so funny and yet so genuinely impactful and meaningful all at the same time and it baffles me every time. The music is so fun and the lyrics so well written. It's bizarre and fun and bittersweet and I love it. If you haven't watched it already, the full original recording is up on youtube for free and I HIGHLY recommend if you're feeling down.

Sorry this list was a little lot long I just love talking about my favorite stuff!! Thank you for the question boog!!! :DDDD <3333

[prententiousjackal]

Talking to ghosts of the living from the future

I remember imagining myself being watched by ghosts from the future.

People would sometimes say spirits of dead relatives were watching us. I imagined that once we got to heaven, we could watch each-other's lives like a movie. Everything was recorded in a book of life that could be watched and heard and perhaps experienced in more ways by our friends and family in heaven.

I also remember seeing a Mormon video about chastity saying you shouldn't do anything you wouldn't want your parents watching. Which even as a believer I thought was dumb because different parents could have different standards, and just because it makes you uncomfortable for someone to watch you do something doesn't mean the watcher thinks it's wrong. I wouldn't want my mom watching me shower and she doesn't either but she sure wants me to shower anyway.

I also heard of people becoming Gods in heaven, I imagined that meant they'd be able to transcend time so it would be as if they're right here watching me in real time. There were future ghosts of all the people I knew who could be listening to me. It was a bit of a mystery to me if they needed permission. I suppose if they were respectful they'd only watch with my future self's permission. But I guess it wouldn't have mattered too much because timeless ghosts of people I knew from the future wouldn't judge me because they'd actually have the time to learn and understand what I was going through rather than using their short mortal window of time to judge me. They would be omniscient spirits who had seen it all. There could be no enraging shock from them. I could have a non-judgmental ghost therapist who just listens to me rant. I could say things to these ghosts from the future by just thinking the words in my head. I'd pick kind strangers and friends I'd never see again, in my head to talk to the future ghosts of. It was me fantasizing idealized versions of people to talk to. I suppose it was a bit like praying to Saints. It was much easier than praying to God because it was more casual. Less feeling of inferiority and unfamiliarity.

Wonder if this could be a premise of a book. Perhaps being haunted by the future ghost of a crush. Maybe it could be ambiguous if the ghost is real. It'd be somewhere between Truman Show, Donnie Darko. and the Slipknot songs, Vermillion and Vermillion Pt 2. It'd be nice for it to have the thoughtfulness of the book Things not Seen by Andrew Clements. But I could also see things go terribly wrong in a more horror direction. Perhaps the ghost is a ghost from another timeline that has been closed off from opportunities missed. Perhaps the ghost is trying to create the timeline where she exists as the main character's partner. Perhaps she is accidentally stopping her current self from existing, by giving the main character an alternative idealized version to love instead of giving the character the confidence to love the living version of her. Then the main character loses resolve to love the living her but ends up risking losing his chances and losing the real her and the ghost her at the same time when the timeline is rewritten. Perhaps the main character goes the stalker route or become really possessive because of his surety of getting the relationship existing in the future. Such a creepy premise.

[hikertrashprincess]

FT Day 6

1/7/24

Once we were up and packed we realized we were quite antsy and didn’t want to wait for the tribal cuisine. I was a bit sad to miss out on it, but the church service was at 11 and then the lunch would start, meaning we wouldn’t be on trail till 2 or 3 probably, and the next stretch was a long road walk with no camping. We left hoping for a last stop at Sadie’s.

It turns out Sadie’s was closed on Sundays but Morpheus grabbed a piece of pink cake and we got a few snacks.

The rest of the day was easy walking along the dikes- large canals filled with cool birds and occasionally alligators. We had lunch near a water treatment plant and talked with Mercury- another thru hiker who had been hiking since retiring and sounded like he’d done pretty much everything including the CDT twice and the PCT four times. He was still so jolly and was just so happy and grateful to be out there hiking. He had also hiked with some famous hikers- Billy Goat, Greybeard, and Nimblewood Nomad (who recently earned the record of oldest AT thru hiker- a title he took from Graybeard.) He was delighted that Morpheus had a magnetic powerbank after his phone declared it had detected moisture and couldn’t charge with a cord.

We moved on and passed Brenda, Hamilton, and Islander. Every mile or so we passed a water treatment station which had metal bars we could take advantage of for stretching. One unfortunately was covered in wet paint and Morpheus ended up with yellow hands.

We kept seeing tracks of little paws with claws. I choose to believe they belonged to otters although we never found out for sure.

We kept passing bones of catfish and eventually I figured out that birds of prey were grabbing them and dropping them. We even saw one taking its last breaths chopping in half- a nature scene out of a Tarantino film.

The were so many cool birds and bones, and the walking was easy. Overall a delightful day. We got to the campsite and decided to eat dinner and continue. I had been cold soaking- which means, instead of heating up your food you set it in a jar and just let it soak in cold water until it’s ready. I need to remember to start this d Dr process at lunch but had forgotten, so I got things ready to eat later. Time Crunch, Brenda, Hamilton, and Islander arrived and set up their tents. I noted a nearby sign stating the Florida panther is only 160 pounds and declared that Morpheus could fight it, but he vehemently disagreed.

We hiked on, a bit spooked by the idea of panthers, but all we found was more flat road walking and a water cache. Although the trail follows dikes full of water, they are polluted by agricultural runoff and we are not supposed to drink it, even with our filtration systems. Collecting it would also be terrifying since they are full of alligators, who aren’t always clearly visible. Amazing volunteers from The Florida Trail Association provide caches of fresh water along this stretch.

We had heard the bugs were terrible on this section and we needed to be in tents by sunset. It was discussed almost like vampires- like it was a life or death situation to be inside by sunset. We flirted with death by setting up at sunset, and the mosquitoes did swarm worse than I’ve seen many other places, but we survived.

We watched an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender and went to sleep.

[bhristyy]

•Visiting someone’s grave will always make you experience feelings you thought were long forgotten. Especially, if it’s someone you wish you could explain yourself to one more time.

•Memories are the best things you can create in this lifetime. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Taking pictures, recording videos, & agreeing to do ridiculous things will always be better than not doing anything about it all.

•Catching feelings for someone at a time you aren’t suppose to is completely okay. It’s shows you still have a heart. Genuine feelings is something you feel naturally.

•Missing someone is completely normal. Besides, if something is meant to be you will always find your way back to it.

•There are friends that you gossip with, shop with, stage those cliché Instagram pictures with, but there are also the friends who will be there at 3:00 AM when you text them in need of reassurance. Make sure you distinguish the differences between these people early on.

•Clear fruit scented lip gloss is always the way to go.

•Holding onto anger will only cause you to grow bitter. If someone shows you why you shouldn’t trust in love, love even more. If someone doesn’t like who you are, be who you are even more.

•You might not have everything figured out right now. Whether that means you can’t decide on a college or what you want to do for the rest of your life, you need to establish that the period of transition is completely necessary to get where you are going.

•Become your own best friend. Have your own back. Dance randomly to the music you like. You don’t need someone else to validate your worth.

•Rekindling old friendships is perfectly fine. All of this pride & ego for what? Some mistakes were made. Forgive people, especially if they done nothing to seriously hurt you. Set aside differences. Time is not always an apology, but when you’re young you won’t remember the silly fights and arguments anyways.

•Buying things & doing things you couldn’t do as a kid is self-care. You owe it to yourself to take control of your own life, just because someone has ruined your innocence doesn’t mean you can’t start over & relive the normal childhood you wish you had.

•If you are liked by someone who is unkind to others, it says a lot about you.

•Scream. Yell. Be loud & continue to do everything regardless of what people think.

•Go after what you love. Play the odds. You have to take bold risks in love if you ever want something good to come from it.

•Timing most likely will never be on your side, but you have to trust in it. There are reasons why things don’t work out. Timing will not only make you close company with the past, where you’ll be reminded of the things that didn’t work out, but the future, where you’ll meet the reasons why it never did.

•Learn new things every day. Talk to people you wouldn’t normally speak to & be nice to them.

• The person you’re meant to be with will make you the best version of yourself. They’ll make you laugh so hard your ribcage feels like it’s about to explode & your eyeliner will run down your face. In blatant terms, they will happy as one can be.

•Exes will always try to slither back into your life. Especially the people who were nothing but bad decisions & toxins. Forgive them, because you owe it to yourself to be happy, but never relight that burning candle again. They are not your twin flame & you feel nothing towards them.

•Pets make a house a home, they’re a lot to deal with but the person they love the most is you.

•Distance can sometimes make the heart grow fonder or it can make you further apart.

•Next year we’ll meet again with new things we’ve learned. There are still so many great moments and terrible moments to come. Until then, let’s welcome 2024 like somebody’s new bitch.

[the-seas-song]

Most of this is good, but I STRONGLY disagree with this take on The Albatross. For two reasons:

I'm an OG Swiftie. I wouldn't still be here, 18 years later, if I didn't think Taylor is a good and genuine person who tells her truth whenever she can. Her immediate mood shift on June 30, 2019 was real. Her shock and pain was real. And that anger and pain gave us My Tears Ricochet and Tolerate It (Borchetta) and Mad Woman (Braun).

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived and Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? also seem to be about them.

"And I don't even want you back, I just want to know/If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal/And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give/A message to the smallest man who ever lived?"

She was so happy and joyful during April - June 2019.

"You hung me on your wall/Stabbed me with your push pins In public, showed me off/Then sank in stoned oblivion/'Cause once your queen had come/You'd treat her likе an also-ran/You didn't measure up In any measurе of a man"

Taylor was Borchetta's only mainstream/successful artist - as well as his first client.

"Fifteen years, fifteen million tears/Begging 'til my knees bled/I gave it my all, he gave me nothin' at all/Then wondered why I left/Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones/Praying to his greed/He's got my past frozen behind glass/But I've got me"

Same tone and similar imagery. Also:

"For years I asked, pleaded for a chance to own my work. Instead I was given an opportunity to sign back up to Big Machine Records and ‘earn’ one album back at a time, one for every new one I turned in. I walked away because I knew once I signed that contract, Scott Borchetta would sell the label, thereby selling me and my future. I had to make the excruciating choice to leave behind my past. Music I wrote on my bedroom floor and videos I dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums. 

[cut]

Now Scooter has stripped me of my life’s work, that I wasn’t given an opportunity to buy. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to lie in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle it.

This is my worst case scenario. This is what happens when you sign a deal at fifteen to someone for whom the term ‘loyalty’ is clearly just a contractual concept. And when that man says ‘Music has value’, he means its value is beholden to men who had no part in creating it. 

When I left my masters in Scott’s hands, I made peace with the fact that eventually he would sell them. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine the buyer would be Scooter."

2. From an English lit standpoint, this reading of The Albatross does not hold water.

Wise men once said "One bad seed kills the garden" "One less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen" Locked me up in towers But I'd visit in your dreams And they tried to warn you about me

We have three people/sides here. "They" "you" and "me". "They" are the ones who locked Taylor up.

Cross your thoughtless heart Only liquor anoints you She's the albatross She is here to destroy you Devils that you know Raise worse hell than a stranger She's the death you chose You're in terrible danger

This is "them" talking to "you". The catch: an albatross is a symbol of good luck and protection. They are not cursed, and do not harm innocent people. If you harm them, though, karma will get you.

(also, the juxtaposition of "Cross your thoughtless heart/Only liquor anoints you" is more proof "they" are a liar)

And when that sky rains fire on you And you're persona non grata I'll tell you how I've been there too And that none of it matters

This is Taylor talking to "you". She is NOT the person raining fire on "you". She is telling "you" that "they" did the same thing to her.

Wise men once read fake news And they believed it Jackals raised their hackles You couldn't conceive it You were sleeping soundly When they dragged you from your bed And I tried to warn you about them

Jackals are a type of dog, but they are also "a person who performs dishonest or base deeds as the follower or accomplice of another". Someone (Braun? Jerk? Both?) is going to throw/has thrown "you" (Karlie) under the bus. The jackals are the social media trolls who believe whatever they're told ("When it's "Burn the bitch," they're shrieking/When the truth comes out, it's quiet").

So I crossed my thoughtless heart Spread my wings like a parachute I'm the albatross I swept in at the rescue The devil that you know Looks now more like an angel I'm the life you chose And all this terrible danger (This terrible danger)

"Me" comes to rescue "you" from "them", and references Peace:

"Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" "I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best/But the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me"

It would be enough. "You" chose "all this terrible danger".

The album and the Matty Healy of it all; the Allegory and a literary breakdown for you all :)

As an english girly, I am having the most fun dissecting this album. She wrote her entire story into the album. It’s an allegory, each song has two major interpretations, one is the obvious (matty/joe/travis/PATERNITY TEST) whereas the other is her truth. This is a literary device that has been used in writing throughout history since forever. Everything about this album is so intentional, especially the Matty Healy of it all. This album has been planned so meticulously, every move she’s made with the beards has been to directly tie into the songs and the references. She needed a heavily documented example, she wants people to believe it, so when she burns it all down she can say “look at how easy is was to construct a narrative, hide an allegory within it and watch no one get it, it’s happened my whole life”, this is why this album is so much louder to all of us than the rest of them, because we have always seen the second story but now she’s making it more obvious. But they will get it, the story in this album is so strong, she’s coming out and she’s made this so she can send people to look back at her music (lookin’ backwards/might be the only way to move forward- her entire catalogue is the manuscript) screaming “I told you, I laid it all out. You didn’t believe me!” This is the post mortem, every reason why she’s ‘dead’ (the inauthentic version) is laid out in the album.

For example, i’ll break down ‘Fortnight’ since we have the MV imagery too. On the surface is about her fling with MH. If you get down to the next layer it’s about the failed coming out & Karlie. About how she almost had it all “for a fortnight” (just a metaphor for a short time), how her plans got ruined and how she’s doing it over again. She was supposed to be sent away, she was meant to go stay in the asylum (the closet).

“Now you’re in my backyard, turned into good neighbours”.

She has Karlie so close to her, but hidden in her backyard, no one can see her in her backyard.

“Your wife waters flowers, I want to kill her.” There is something that is in the way of them being together, she wants it to end (her public narrative). Could also be a reference to JK, he gets to to be with Karlie, watering flowers in her garden (betty’s garden anyone) while Taylor watches, she wants to kill the perception of him as Karlie’s husband.

The rest of the song moves into Karlie & Taylor getting closer, they’re plotting a way out.

“Now you’re at the mailbox, turned into good neighbours, my husband is cheating, I want to kill him.” Again, Taylor’s husband is her public persona, she wants to kill it.

When you add in the music video, she’s breaking out of the asylum with her twin, then she was put right back in there and her twin is performing experiments on her. I think Post Malone represents both Taylor and Karlie at different points in the MV, because both of their own choices are also part of the reason they’re still closeted, she’s acknowledging this. But then something happens, one of them can’t do it anymore so they run away. This is the release of the album, specifically 2am 04/19 (fresh out the slammer), Taylor’s on top of the box, she’s out; this the endgame for her now, but Karlie is still stuck in the phone box (the closet). But not for long! 😘

Every single song is like this, there’s a very intricate but obvious second story. They’re not all about Karlie, there’s a lot about her childhood, other muses (thank you aimee is not about Kim, it’s about a hometown love), growing up, her fans, the industry, closeting, christianity, masters heist.

I’ll touch base quickly on ‘The Albatross’.

She’s coming to take down SB, i’m not sure 100% how but I think it has to do with the coming out and exposing everything he’s done to her to keep her in the closet for so long (it’s a lot darker than people think).

She is here to destroy him.

“Now you’re persona non grata” he’s not going to be able to work anymore, he’s going to be exiled from the music industry.

There’s always been the iffiness around the masters situation, people saying she was told prior, her insisting she wasn’t. The below is a confession (and a threat).

“Wise men once read fake news

And they believed it

Jackals raised their hackles

You couldn't conceive it

You were sleeping soundly

When they dragged you from your bed

And I tried to warn you about them”

She lied, she knew about the master situation but she said she didn’t. Her fans believed it though and they crucified him, she tried to warn him how powerful they were. She’s already embedded that image of him in their minds, so when the next thing comes out (lol), they’re going to raise absolute hell, his entire career is going to be over.

“thanK you aIMee”, the entire world right now thinks it’s about Kim Kardashian, because she capitalised ‘KIM’ in the title, there’s that line about her kid singing her song (which coincidentally did happen). It’s so obviously about her right! No, it’s another “blue dress on a boat”, something she has done throughout her whole career is splice monumental images of Taylor Swift ™ into her songs, so she can sing about her real life without being questioned. Except this time, she’s trying to make you question it, that’s why it’s so OBVIOUSLY 🙄 about Kim Kardashian. A red herring if you will 😉. It’s meant to point you towards one thing, when it’s really not about that thing at all.

tldr: everything about the album is intentional, she’s layered two narratives together on purpose. one at surface level, one a bit deeper.

Images are both Taylor’s & Aaron‘s words on the album, about hidden meanings and secrets.

And if you need any further proof, at exactly 4:19 of ‘The Tortured Poets Department’ title track, she says “who’s gonna troll you?”. The entire album is the troll, for the general public, it’s not about the men at all.