#and also when they reference past contestants

[cloudberrylane]

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

‘No one fits,’ she said at last. ‘Not in the way we want to, at least. But we find our own places. We carve them ourselves, in the work we do, in the people we love.’

ALL THE PAINTED STARS - Out now!

What do you do when you hear your friend's unwilling hand in marriage is the grand prize in a tournament? You cut off all your hair, steal your brothers' armour and ride in the tournament yourself, of course.

All The Painted Stars is a sapphic medieval romance novel about using the power of ADHD and this sword you found to save your best friend from the shackles of a marriage she doesn't want. Also there's beer.

ATPS is the first sequel to One Night in Hartswood, starring Raff and Penn's sisters Lily and Jo. It is a standalone story, but does contain references to the events of Hartswood.

All the Painted Stars contains...

⭐ Best friends to lovers

⭐ Hidden identities (well, she tries)

⭐ Letter writing

⭐ Women in armour

⭐ "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you want to go ape shit?"

It's available NOW in e-book, paperback and audiobook!

Full blurb and CW under the cut!

Oxfordshire 1362

When Lily Barden discovers her best friend Johanna’s hand in marriage is being awarded as the main prize at a tournament, she is determined to stop it. Disguised as a knight, she infiltrates the contest, preparing to fight for Jo’s hand. But her conduct ruffles feathers, and when a dangerous incident escalates out of Lily’s control, Jo must help her escape.

Finding safety with a local brewster, Lily and Jo soon settle into their new freedom, and amongst blackberry bushes and lakeside walks an unexpected relationship blossoms. But when Jo’s past catches up with her and Lily’s reckless behaviour threatens their newfound happiness, both women realise that choices must always come at a cost. The question they need to ask is if that cost is worth the price of love…

Content warnings:

ATPS contains mention of past emotional and physical abuse, and some mild violence.

It also contains explicit on-page sex scenes.

Above art (in the lake) by @felrija

[coldzonkprofessorturtle]

An Affair to Remember

Alright, let's get into Affair the Series, which has been giving me brainrot the past few weeks so feels like a good time to get into an analysis of why I find it so fascinating. Eventually I'd love to do a deeper dive into Thai GLs and that industry (that's a whole other thing though) but after having seen my share of them (Gap, Show Me Love, TSOU, The Loyal Pin) I've really found myself falling into the rabbit hole with Affair the Series and the way it depicts friendship, love, and acceptance.

Deep dive below and also thank you gif makers for your work 🙏��

(also will go over events from episodes 1-5, so spoilers ahead if not up-to-date)

So first off, I have read the novel, which is the first time I've finished one of those for a GL and quite frankly, the translation wasn't that great but the story still came through. I won't refer to it much and will base this on the show as I think they've done a fantastic job with the adaptation and fingers crossed continue to do so.

Where in most GLs the core conflict is external. The main couple can't be in love typically due to familial/cultural pressure or a man interfering (that still exists to an extent here) the main conflict in Affair is simply that Wan and Pleng love each other too much but they do so in different ways.

When we meet Wan and Pleng they're 17 years old and have spent their entire lives together. They're sisters but not and while Wan seems to have a social circle, Pleng really has no other friends outside of Wan. The spoiled rich girl and the maid's daughter. Couldn't be more different if they tried and yet by circumstance their lives are as intertwined as it gets.

At 17, they have different ideas for their futures. Pleng is musically talented, wins every contest and is financially set. She can live the life she wants. If she wants to be a musician then so be it. Her parents love and support her and there's no pressure. Wan on the other hand has an overbearing mother (and a resentful father), no prospects for her future but at least she has Pleng.

Despite her parents, Wan loves wholly and openly. She knows she loves Pleng and while she doesn't yet know it she does know that Pleng loves her too. I would argue that Wan truly knows herself, which is why she comes across as so self-assured in their younger years. She's slowly trying to guide Pleng to understand herself too.

Pleng, however, has never had to sit with her emotions in the same way. Take this as differences of personality, class and upbringing. Now that they're 17 and entering adulthood, Pleng has to start engaging with the world (and her emotions) rather than hiding behind the rich, insular lifestyle she's had up to this point.

As the idea of boyfriends comes up, Pleng starts to lash out. She's jealous, she's pushy but really she's just in love with her best friend and doesn't know it. Everything starts happening too fast. Wan meets a boy at an art gallery, Aunt Wi pushes Pleng to help Wan get with Ek, Pleng's dad is extremely stressed and she doesn't know to what extent and throughout that Pleng is dealing with her feelings that for some reason just won't go away. Feelings that Wan keeps bringing up in her over and over.

Pleng is a mess. She doesn't know how to connect with her peers, she knows something is wrong with her dad, she sees that Wan is seemingly moving forward in a way that she's not (dating a boy) and whether she realizes it she continues to isolate herself.

From Wan's perspective she couldn't care less about dating Ek. She's already completely devoted to Pleng (in ways that Pleng doesn't even know).

They're 17, hormonal, gay, and incapable of seeing each other's perspective. Wan wants Pleng to let her in. Pleng can't help but push everyone away.

As soon as Pleng starts to really come to terms with her feelings about Wan. That's when everything falls apart. Her dad kills himself, her mom goes into cardiac arrest, all of her family's assets are seized and she's now orphaned and staying with Wan's parents who clearly and vocally have no space for her. Pleng who was already struggling to find her footing before that fateful night now has absolutely nothing to stand on.

The break point is when Pleng finds out about Wan's academic achievements and that Wan had been hiding that truth about herself their entire lives. Wan has always been intelligent and capable but hidden herself behind a veil of ineptitude. Wan in loving Pleng puts her on a pedestal to her own detriment. She has no issue blighting her own light so that Pleng can shine but from the moment we meet 17 year old Pleng in the show we see her pushing Wan to better herself. Wan thinks loving Pleng means her own success doesn't matter whereas Pleng loves Wan and all of her potential.

They both love each selflessly but while Wan would burn the whole world to keep Pleng warm, Pleng loves Wan despite her own existence. So when Pleng leaves she writes,

"Your parents will feel at ease. And you'll finally get to live your life as your true self... I know you love me but I also want you to love yourself. And be proud of who you are."

For Pleng, her leaving is the ultimate way to show her love to Wan. A clean break. She runs away so Wan can thrive but here's the thing Wan needs Pleng to keep her grounded. Pleng does too but she can't see it at this point. Too much has happened and so, in her desperation she removes herself. She is her father's daughter after all.

So when 13 years pass and Wan has spent that entire time holding on to whatever she can to keep herself close to Pleng (becoming a doctor, riding a bike to work, marrying Ek, separating herself from her parents); Pleng has become a ghost of herself. Wan has imbued herself with all the things she thinks/knows Pleng would like while Pleng is stuck in a cycle that she can't get out of: play music, make a bit of money, pay rent, rest, repeat.

Pleng never reaches out to Wan because why would she? Her loving Wan means staying away and on top of that there's a sense of shame of what her life has become.

So when they finally meet again it's too much. Wan is successful but she's still clearly in love with Pleng and while it was all Wan's doing, in a way her success is a direct result of Pleng's influence. In removing herself, Pleng slowly begins to realize not just that she took Wan's smile with her but the why and how. Wan's changed and devoid of the joy and innocence that Pleng loved most.

They slowly fall back into their natural rhythms but Pleng still can't accept her own presence in Wan's life. Wan is back to pushing (albeit more aggressively then before - time was wasted) and in pushing Pleng, Pleng pushes back. If they take their relationship that one step further, what then? What if it falls apart? Why not just stay in a cycle where nothing shifts? What if there's another ringing shot in the distance and everything changes in a moment?

If there's one core trauma to Pleng as a character it's her desperation to not feel like a burden to anyone. Especially Wan. And then she finds out that Wan (though separated) is still married to Ek and she can't accept that she could have ruined Wan's potential happiness. Not understanding that Pleng herself is Wan's happiness. Pleng feels like a disruption because at the root of it the thing she wanted above all for Wan, "I also want you to love yourself. And be proud of who you are" is not something that Pleng accepts for herself.

I'll leave it there and hope the show navigates the situations that are about to come as well as they have so far but kudos as Affair manages to oh so gracefully skirt what could otherwise be an incredibly toxic relationship. Somehow they manage to give these two characters so much grace despite their flaws. And truly that's also a huge credit to Sonya and Lookmhee's abilities.

It's chaotic and messy but in coming back together these two might just realize that's how they both best shine.

[holyprincenerd]

yes yes rigged this cha cha that but please let’s not ignore this right now:

https://www.aftonbladet.se/podcasts/ab/episode/355975 Swedish “eurovision expert” Tobbe Ek (for those of you who aren’t Swedish, this is the same guy who accused Måneskin of doing coke on live tv back in 2021) and his posse of minions decided that it was time to spread some absolutely hateful rhetoric against the people of Finland by calling them shitty, idiotic, telling them they should be ashamed of not voting for Sweden (??? literally what???) etc etc, while also dragging in other contestants like Lord of the Lost and insulting them as a means of questioning why the Finnish public voted for them but not for Sweden. (You know. Because it totally doesn’t make any sense at all that a country known for having the most metal bands per capita in the world would vote for Lord of the Lost. Not at all.) 

As the cherry on top of this xenophobic shit cake, they started to go on about how “There’s no way there were ten contestants who were better than Sweden this year.” (Again. Not only disrespecting the other contestants, but them pretending not to grasp the concept of a country known for preferring heavier music choosing to vote mostly for bands this year... Yeah... Couldn’t be their preferences...)

Again, this man is considered a Eurovision expert here in Sweden, yet this is the type of behaviour he and his coworkers display over a nonissue like the Finnish public not voting for Sweden this year. If there’s something shameful here, it’s this.

To reiterate: These are three grown-ass well past 40-year old people having a genuine meltdown over one (1) singular country not voting for them.

Why are we giving Tobbe Ek (and his irrelevant coworkers) a platform, again?

EDIT:

Hoo boy, there’s more. Because of course there is.

ALRIGHT here’s an article from one of our tabloids using quite suspiciously colonialistic sounding rhetoric about Finland being “the kingdom’s previous eastern half”.

https://www.expressen.se/noje/finska-sveket-mot-sverige-gav-noll-poang-efter-uppmaningen-rosta-taktiskt/

The specific quote in Swedish: “Tv-tittarna i tidigare östra rikshalvan gav nämligen Sverige noll(!) poäng under Eurovisionfinalen på lördagen.”

Translation: “TV viewers in [our] kingdom’s previous eastern half gave namely zero(!) points to Sweden during the Eurovision finale on Saturday.”

Yeah, Johan Bratell (the writer of the article) is technically not wrong about Finland having been a part of Sweden. But why bring this up now? This was so clearly meant as a condescending insult.

The article also talks about a throwaway comment that the Finnish commentator Mikko Silvennoinen made about tactical voting (or more specifically, an anonymous comment he read out loud about tactical voting). From my understanding this was a joke reference to the previous elections which took place recently in Finland and forced a portion of the Finnish public to vote tactically as an attempt to block a far-right party from getting into the parliament. It’s embarrassing how much these people are reaching.

And even if they were voting tactically, so what? Sweden won. Why are we so focused on the public vote of one (1) country, Jesus Christ this is embarrassing.

EDIT 2: WHY THIS MATTERS. A LOT.

For those of you who are not in the know about Swedish politics, these statements are reflecting some far-right political views that have their roots all the way back in the times when Sweden ruled over Finland. In recent memory, our far-right political party Sverigedemokraterna claimed that the Swedish minority group Tornedalians are not Swedish, because they may speak local dialects that blend Finnish into Swedish, or speak the minority language Meänkieli. Coincidentally, Meänkieli just so happens to be a minority language that blends Finnish and Swedish, as it is mostly spoken by people who live by the Torneå river, i.e. the Finnish-Swedish border. Here’s an article about this controversy (however you may not be able to read it unless you’re subscribed to said newspaper): https://www.dn.se/asikt/orimligt-att-tornedalingar-inte-skulle-vara-svenskar/?fbclid=IwAR33K_UVRhXlJhyPd3gY7GDXN_lotUdrtM1AeL-nRzWE26Tmq5BFE0lIUzw

Sverigedemokraterna also believe that the Swedish minority group of Sweden Finns should essentially cut their ties to their Finnish roots and that they should not be able to be citizens of both Finland and Sweden. https://aip.nu/sverigedemokraterna-och-de-dubbla-medborgarskapen/

This sort of rhetoric is ridiculously common here, and in situations like the ones that have occurred in light of the ESC, they almost never get called out. Because it’s common. Because it’s okay to call Finnish people names and to use colonial rhetoric against all Finns, both those who live in Finland and those who live in Sweden. Because this is “friendly banter.” Mind you, as someone who technically belongs to both of the aforementioned minority groups I’m completely fine with the actually friendly banter and piss taking that we usually partake in, because it is just that. Friendly. But this is not it. This is actually harmful. I have never seen so many Swedish people attacking Finns on social media as I’ve seen these past few days. The usual colonialistic and fennophobic insults have started to rear their ugly heads: People have started to insult the Finnish language (a fennophobic sentiment that goes way back to the days when Finland was under Swedish rule and the Swedish tried to get rid of the language), they have started to insult the way Finns look (goes back to fennophobic rhetoric of Finns essentially not being “white enough”), etcetera. For more information on how the Swedish government treated the Sweden Finns and Tornedalians (the fact that they tried to abolish both the Meänkieli language and the Finnish language from Sweden and have even done skull measurements as an attempt to prove that these minority groups are not equal to Swedes), here’s another article: https://www.svt.se/nyheter/lokalt/norrbotten/regeringen-tillsatter-sanningskommission

For those of you who speak Finnish and are interested in the topic, the book Kansankodin pimeämpi puoli by Tapio Tamminen goes into both issues, with photographic evidence of skull measurement incidents among other things. Meanwhile, the Finnish media is mostly just reporting on the tomfoolery of these “journalists.” Sure, there are a lot of Finns who are acting out as well and spreading hateful rhetoric against Swedes, but the difference here is that one group is punching up, while the other is punching down.

Whether Tobbe Ek, Jenny Ågren, Markus Larsson and Johan Bratell meant to cause this does not matter. They’ve still done it, in the case of the former group, they’ve even dragged other Europeans (and Australians!) into this mess.

They’ve gone ahead and spread fennophobic rhetoric on huge platforms: Sweden’s biggest national tabloids. They should be held accountable for this.

To reiterate: ALL THIS OVER THE FINNISH PUBLIC “NOT VOTING FOR SWEDEN” DURING THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST OF 2023.

Edit 3: Just in case we need a bit of clarification:

I know this whole post may come across quite negatively. So let me make this clear: There is an issue with the Swedish culture and its normalisation of fennophobia, however, that doesn’t mean every Swede is maliciously fennophobic. It’s literally just so normalised here, that sometimes people don’t even notice when they’re partaking in it, and because of said normalisation, for many these fennophobic and colonialist insults have become a sort of knee jerk reaction to when there’s “actual beef” with Finland. (Which, obviously, is a fucking problem, because look who has to bear the brunt of that.) 

Moreover, many Swedes aren’t even familiar with their shared history with Finland, and the discrimination Finland was put through during the Swedish rule (not to mention the discrimination the Sweden Finns and Tornedalians have had to face and still face). That part of our shared history simply isn’t taught in schools here, so a regular person would have to know to go out and look for the information. Heck, the only reason I’m aware of this is because at the end of the day, despite having been born and raised in Sweden, I am ethnically Finnish, and grew up by the border with very strong ties to the Finnish culture because of it. But less about me, and more about this issue. Most Swedes (and Swedish journalists who have any sort of sense in them and who work for respectable publications) have expressed their dissatisfaction with this years results as well. There’s a reason Cha Cha Cha is charting so well on Swedish Spotify. There’s a reason for why the Swedish jury and the public gave Finland 12 points.

So, Tl;dr:

1. Swedish tabloids are trash.

2. We have an undeniable problem with how normalised fennophobia is here, and it’s absolutely bizarre that this is how it’s getting exposed.

3. Most regular Swedes aren’t happy with this either, and are in fact not Finland’s and the Finnish people’s greatest haters in the world.

4. Tobbe Ek should get fired. At the bare minimun, he and his coworkers should probably issue some sort of apology for spreading this, seeing how it is actually hurting a lot of people.

Anyway, please don’t hate on the Swedes because of this lol, think about what Jere from Vantaa would think about that. 💚

[mythicalviper-fr]

FR Skin Contests and You (and Me)

Let’s talk about festival skin contests.

This post will be 1) about win conditions 2) my breakdown on my wins/losses. Before we start, please know a lot of this is guesswork, and based on my own perspective. Still, I hope this will be useful for some people ^^

***August/888 and I (but August mostly as it’s his idea) will be hosting an event encouraging new artists to join festival contests on 8/8. It will have a lot of tips and references to help get you started, so please keep an eye out! 

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When it comes to skin contests, people generally enter for one of three reasons: 1) for fun 2) because it’s seen as a milestone of skinmaking, or 3) out of a desire to push yourself to the limit knowing you’ll regret it like a Sunday hangover– but I hope that’s just me.

In my two years of participating in skin contests, I’ve seen a lot of artists join with a lot of excitement, only to give up or drop out because they aren’t winning. Some blame it on skill, others blame it on the staff, and some blame it on fellow competitors. 

Here’s what I will say: like any contest, winning the festival skin contest is based on a combination of luck, knowledge, and skill. Just like any contest, there is a strategy to it and there are win conditions that you have to fulfill if you want a chance at winning. Some artists find these win conditions quickly and are able to adapt and cultivate the skill needed to pull off a win. Some are aware of these win conditions but do not yet have the skill to pull off a win. And some aren’t aware at all. A loss is usually (but not always) a result of not fulfilling those win conditions, or not fulfilling them as much as another artist. 

So, let’s talk about these win conditions.

The Biggest Win Condition: Breed Variety

In my opinion, the biggest factor that makes or breaks an entry is breed variety. Over the past ten years, there's been a consistent trend of staff picking one winner per breed/pose, though there are occasional outliers (most recently, two Aether M for Brightshine, but previously also Undertide M and Spiral M). This means whenever you submit a skin, you’re competing against artists that also submitted the same breed/pose. 

For those who aren’t aware, breed variety has been dropping in contests, along with the number of submissions. The result is that there are very few submissions for less popular breeds. Take a look at Brightshine 2023 - the majority of the submissions were Aethers. But even if there ended up being three Aether wins, that meant none of the other Aether skins made it in. 

I want to explain this with numbers. Say Aethers (M&F) made up 60% of the Brightshine 2023 submissions but could only make it into 2 or 3/16 of the winning slots. That’s 60% of the submissions eliminated from making it into the remaining 13/16 slots. Where would the other 13/16 skins come from, if staff were to stick to their trend of 1 breed/pose skin per festival? The flight breeds - Imp and PC might take up 4 more slots. But that’s still 9/16 slots that need winners and only 30% of the submissions to pick from. Additionally, ancients will generally make up at least 40% of the winning submissions, if not 50%. That’s why having 100 submissions might mean there aren’t a lot of winners the staff could pick, and why there weren’t any Fae skins for Starfall 2022 or Spiral M skins for Mistral 2023. 

I tested this theory with F Ridgeback submissions. I mainly focused on three breed/poses that I saw as the least submitted - F Noc, F Bog, and F Ridgeback. I went with Ridgeback because it was the base I liked the most. The result? Out of the 22 contests I’ve entered, I won 5 with F Ridgeback. That’s a 25% win rate with one breed/pose alone. If we factor in wins I’ve had with these three poses combined, that’s 8 wins or a 36% win rate.

Drawing on an unpopular breed/pose is a good way to make sure you don’t have too many competitors (and also show some of the more unpopular breeds some love). This is particularly true if you’re a newer artist like I was. I started doing art in June 2021, so I knew there was no chance I could outcompete better artists on the same breed/pose. 

Of course, choosing the right breed will not always net you a win - you still need good skin composition and skills to catch the staff’s attention, which is what we’re going to talk about next.

Statutory Win Conditions: Flight Themes & Colors

When it comes to making a skin for a festival contest, I always recommend people look at the apparel, lore, and familiars for that flight, because these items are usually the closest to what’s canonically considered a flight’s aesthetic. A lot of the entries I’ve seen win are based off of the fest fams or match a fest apparel.

There are exceptions. The game aspect of the Lightning Flight isn’t canon, but we’ve had hivemind and gaming skins win. Why? Maybe that contest only had a total of 12-15 breed/poses submitted, maybe it was just the best executed skin for that breed/pose, maybe a staff member just really liked it. However, generally winners will match the flight’s canon aesthetic.

The trend of skin contest winners also suggest a favoring of elements that are placed on the dragon’s wings and head (leaves, vines, fairy/insect wings, gears), or accent/tattoo-like effects that involve gradient, sparkles, or abstract smoke (see 888’s 2023 brightshine win). Skin compositions that are balanced (elements throughout the body, as opposed to just one part of the body) see a higher win rate. Skins that have lower accent coverage tend to see higher win rates when they’re gradients/accents (linings on the dragon, runic/circuit effects) or when they’re concentrated on an easily noticeable/central part of the body (like the wings, or the dragon’s back).

In the end, knowing what to draw really comes down to research and knowledge. Before each contest I would review all the past winning entries and try to glean what staff did or didn’t pick. I noticed that staff didn’t tend to pick whiteout or body morph skins, and they tend to pick skins with higher coverage. I also checked past festival winners to see the color theme for each contest. There are some contests during which colors that aren’t necessarily the flight’s colors are still picked, and there are contests that haven’t seen a festival skin which didn’t match the flight’s colors. Like any contest, there’s always going to be a small bit of luck involved.

Ultimately, while I can’t speak for the staff, I do think there are win conditions that need to be fulfilled. You need to have a basic level of art skill. You need knowledge on skin composition and colors. Then, of course, you need to know which breed/pose to choose.

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I hope my analysis helps a little when you’re entering your next contest, or that it made for an interesting read. If you just came here for general tips and tricks, that’s all I have for you - you can also scroll all the way down to see my final thoughts on contests. But generally, just keep trying different things, doing your research, and making sure you’re sticking to the flight theme.

For people who want it, here’s my breakdown on each series of contests that I’ve entered, and reasons why I think I won or lost. 

-

Personal Analysis - Brightshine 2021-Brightshine 2023

I’m a very competitive person and more importantly, I love to compete. So the moment I found myself capable of making skins, festivals were on my radar. I studied what previous artists did, what techniques and designs seem to win the most. What skills did I need and what skins caught the judges' eyes? More importantly, what bases did I feel confident with and could perform the best on? As soon as I felt like I understood the contest, I entered Brightshine 2021 with about 2 weeks’ worth of art experience.

Then I proceeded to lose four contests in a row.

So, what happened?

Brightshine 2021 (loss)

Sometimes unearthing your old art is like watching an old video of yourself in your cringey teenager phase. But knowing why you lost is important in understanding how you can win (and what to absolutely not do again).

For Brightshine 2021, I submitted a Guard F design with two recolors. At the time I only had the skill to draw lanterns and filigree, so I went “that’s Light enough” and did exactly that. Although I would say my theme was (kind of) on point, it was my execution that was lacking:

Issue No. 1: Colors. In review of previous Light winners there’s a umber/gold palette or gold/sunlight palette that appears to be the meta. There have also been cases of red or purple winning even though they aren’t used in official Light items, and some rainbow entries. While one of my recolors followed this scheme, it fell short because–

Issue No. 2: Composition. Skin composition is the balance of elements and how well each element pulls their weight in a piece of art. In my Brightshine 2021 entry, most of the base was left bare. Artists like August are really good at skin comp where their entire piece looks tied together; mine was far from that.

Issue No. 3: Quality. If you compare my Brightshine 2021 submission to my 2023 one, you’ll see what I mean. My art style relies on rendering, or applying lighting and shadows, to bring out each element. Basically I need rendering in order to win. This isn’t necessarily a requirement for you; some artists do lineless, others do painterly, and others don’t render at all, but overall the art style should have a specific level of quality that rendering brought out in my art.

In short: wrong colors, bad lineart, skill issue, no skin comp - overall it was a piece of art not even its creator could love. (I tossed the psd in the recycling bin and hit delete. Except looking in the database now apparently I printed it, so now I have to live with the shame of its existence.)

There is one takeaway that I got. By the time the contest ended there were no other Guard F entries. I realized then that had my art been better, with the breed/pose’s lack of competition, I could’ve had a shot at winning the contest. 

Thundercrack 2021 (loss)

Alright, 2021 Myth thinks, I’ve learned my lesson from Brightshine. The skin composition was not good. That means I should put more stuff on the base and I’m sure to win!

Have you ever just looked in the mirror and realized you, yes you, are the most punchable thing in the world?

In all fairness, the skin comp of my TCC entry did improve. Like Brightshine, I did a single design with two recolors on an unpopular breed. Improvements I made: additional elements to the skin aside from the one big element on the wing, and a color palette that matched the flight. Of course, I wished my theme of hivemind/code also matched the flight aesthetic, but just like my love life, the only thing my submission matched with was loss and disappointment.  

Issue No. 1: Design. Upon reviewing past winners, very few featured fake apparel or clothing. As mentioned previously, staff do not appear to favor whiteout or body morph skins, and prefer elements that adhere to the dragon (like wings) or add to the dragon (like bones/feathers).

Issue No 2: Technology. For my entry, the circuit patterning on the wings did not take resizing well. I drew this on a 750x750 canvas and the resizing blended the many circuit lines into a single line. This isn’t a program issue. It was a lack of understanding of how resizing works.

Issue No 3: And we’re still here with my biggest problem: skill issue. Art is not a skill you learn in two months. I did learn to render, but not well enough. I wasn’t good enough. Yet. 

Starfall 2021 (loss)

So… fun fact! During all of this I was writing my thesis. As in, I was writing my thesis after not writing my thesis for a year. It was stressful. I don’t have much to say about this contest because I did this skin as a meme for the sole reason that somewhere in my 3 am sleep deprived brain I thought “Emergency Portal-col” was hilarious.

I did not expect to win and I didn’t. Still, I did notice more and more that certain breeds just weren’t submitted for contests. Ridgeback F, I noticed, had anywhere from 0 to 1 submission for each contest while M pose generally had 0. Same for Nocturnes. 

Riot of Rot 2021 (loss)

By this time, 2021 Myth had given up on the “one big element + some other accessories” idea. It hadn’t worked for Light or Lightning and it wasn’t going to work. So I thought, what if I just went for the accessory elements? My ROR skin featured the spider lily, smoke, and sparkles. I also started experimenting with dark gradients on the limbs of the dragon, which I’d noticed in winning fest entries.

Gradients and sparkles help with skin composition. Especially if you’re a newer artist who can’t pull off more complicated effects. Oftentimes a skin looks empty in certain parts, but adding elements to those parts would make things look messier. That’s where gradients/sparkles come in. However, I lost because:

Issue No 1: Composition again. While my elements tied together well, I had no main attraction other than the empty void that was the center of the Ridgeback wing. I essentially did a background scene and didn’t add a main character for it. This made me think that maybe my “one big element” skin comp idea was still worth a shot, but I needed a different take.

Issue No 2: Aaaand skill issue again.I was still bad at rendering, and sometimes skill is just why you lose. Not because you don’t have good ideas or because your execution was bad, but because you do not yet have the skills to defeat your competitors. You can do a really good looking skin, but if someone else in the contest did an even better looking skin on the breed/pose, then you’re not going to win.

Gala 2021 (win)

Losing four times in a row was pretty discouraging. But here’s another important element to skin contests: consistency. The frequency of your submissions should result in a win so long as you fulfill all of the other win conditions such as good composition, understanding of the theme, and the basic level of art skill required to win. 

For the Gala, I realized that wings would be the best big element to put on a base while tying in all of the other elements. This is probably the most complicated skin I’d worked on at that time. But because I’d learned minimal rendering, because my skin composition was actually good, and there was no competition for Ridgeback F, I won. For the very first time.

Trickmurk 2021 - Starfall 2022 (6 wins 2 losses - 12 skin designs submitted total)

Here, I’d found my strategy. As long as I kept to the theme and made sure my skin comp and rendering was good, I would win. Especially because I had no competition. Again, breed variety is a huge issue in skin contests, because people - particularly the really skilled artists - are more likely to go for a breed that they like or is popular. As a newer artist, I was well aware that there was a 100% chance I’d lose if I tried to fight anyone for the same breed/pose. (And part of knowing the win conditions is also knowing artists you definitely are not winning against.) 

3/6 of my wins during this time was F Ridgeback. The others were: F Coatl, which had no competition during Trickmurk, and F Nocturne, which had no competition during Wind and Arcane’s fests (but competed against my will to live because this is a terrible base to work on).

But relying on unpopular breed advantage was about as reliable as internet connection in a college dorm. 3/6 of my wins were ridgeback but that meant all of my losses were also ridgeback. On top of that, the number of Ridgeback submissions peaked at one point to 5-6. I was still winning, because I had the skill to beat my competitors. But I had to up my game. My skins had to be more elaborate, closer to the theme. I began submitting two designs per competition, which was… going to be a problem for me later.

The idea behind submitting two designs per competition is simple. Instead of just relying on one unpopular breed/pose to net you the win, now you have two shots at winning. 

My goal that I’d made during this time was to either win 11 in a row or to win once for each holiday. This was to keep my motivation. Keep in mind I was also writing my thesis, so I really needed a goal to go towards, especially when I committed to doing two designs per contest. 

(I defended my thesis successfully in May 2022 and graduated with high honors!)

ROR 2022 - Brightshine 2023 (7 wins 1 loss - 16 skin designs submitted total)

Here’s where I found another niche in the skin contests. Flight-breeds. These are breeds that belong to each element and surprisingly - they don’t actually get that many submissions. Seeing Starfall 2022’s skin turnout as an Arcanite was tough. When it came to reviewing Starfall 2022, anyone would’ve won as long as they submitted a good quality Fae skin that didn’t break the rules or stray too far from the theme and had a skin composition that the staff liked. 

I decided to put my theory to the test with Earth, Ice, Wind, Water, and Nature. Are you surprised there were only three Snap F submissions for Earth, one Tun M for Ice, two SDM for Wind, and something like two Undertide F entries for Water? I was. Especially with Undertides because the breed had been released only five months ago. By noticing the flight-breed meta, and having the time, skill, and experience to make skins for those breeds that fit the criteria, I was able to win.

At this time I started straying away from my “one big element + smaller accessories” composition. My art had gotten better so I was able to expand my designs. Wavecrest 2023 was the biggest show of that, and I’m really proud of my entries for that contest. It was essentially a turning point in my art style… but it did take a lot more time and effort. From that point on, my skins were hitting 90+ layers and taking me at least two weeks to draw.

The last skin contest I entered with that art style was Brightshine 2023. By the time the contest ended, I was pretty sure winning would take a miracle or a relationship with god that I did not have. The competition for Imp M was difficult, and I was pitting my submission against artists who had far more experience and skill. I had some hope for my Ridge F entry, but again, relying on unpopular breed advantage is, well. Not reliable. 

I lost. It was crushing, because not only did that mean I lost Brightshine three years in a row, Brightshine was the last contest I needed to win to fulfill either one of my goals: winning 11 in a row or win once for each elemental holiday. However, losses happen and it sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. I simply lost to a much better artist, and I am okay with that. 

Final Thoughts

Heart-to-heart time. 

I know some people become discouraged because they don’t think they have the skill, or they compare themselves to other artists. I felt discouraged for the same reason. After losing so many contests in 2021, I thought I would never improve. I would never be as good as artists that started long before me, or even some that started after me but learned so much faster. 

I still think that’s true. I have a long way to go and I may never catch up to these other artists. But here’s the thing about art: it’s a skill that constantly evolves and you cannot see that evolution unless you keep trying. And you need to keep trying if you want to win, because you aren’t going to without reaching the right skill level. 

The hardest truth about competitions is that you can’t expect to win just because you tried. If everyone could win just by participating – that contest isn’t worth winning. There are no stakes so there is no value. But when you put in a lot of effort and time, and you win? That win is something that will stay with you. That is a worthwhile win - because it was hard and because you lost so many times.

Sure, the staff could let everyone who enters win. Maybe winners should be judged solely on participation. Maybe that would make more people happy. But would you really be happy to win, knowing there’s no chance of losing? At that point, would being a festival contest winner mean anything?

In the end, a contest is supposed to be fun. Throw everything I’ve said out the window if that’s made contests un-fun for you. Most, MOST importantly, you should join the competition because you enjoy it. If you’re joining just to win, and you take losses very hard, and participation becomes a chore - then that is never going to be worth the toll on your mental health.

Take it from someone who took it too seriously. Drawing two skin designs monthly was taxing (remember it was taking me at least 2 weeks per design), and by Nature 2023 I had severe burnout. When Brightshine rolled around, I sat down for 11 hours to finish my Imp entry, because I knew I wouldn’t have time for art later. By the time I finished, I was running on about five hours of sleep and a very unhealthy attachment to caffeine. 

Then, three days before Brightshine, I was diagnosed with tendonitis. 

I started feeling discomfort in my arms/wrist since March, hence why I stopped releasing public skins. But this is effectively the worst arm related injury I’ve had, and while drawing is not the main cause, doing so for 11 hours straight didn’t help. My left arm has minor pain. My right arm is swollen and in a brace. This could’ve been avoided by taking breaks and doing exercises. But the lack of proper precaution led to injury. (And yes, I drew my Bogsneak TCC 2023 entry with a mouse for this reason. I could not use my tablet pen so… circle and line tool it was. But I had fun ^^)

I hope my analysis of the contests will be of some use to you. But please do not hurt yourself, mentally or physically, in competing. UMA artists make around 3kg per run of skin, so if you are entering contests for the prize, that’s not the best use of your time and energy. When it comes down to it, you are going to be doing free art for the site, and that is never worth injuring yourself for.

As a final note, thank you to the FR staff for allowing artists to participate in the site. My art experience is purely derived from skins and contests have encouraged me to improve myself. Thank you also to my friends who cheered me on along the way, the many wonderful artists who gave me tips on line weight, coloring, and rendering. And of course, many thanks to August for being the best cheerleader I could have. I would not have made it to Brightshine without him as a competitor and fellow artist. 

(However nothing you do will make me like Gaolers and that is a hill I will die on.)

Happy almost-Flameforger’s everyone! Here’s to the next fest cycle.

[callmeajorallie]

Got bored, made some art in regards to ii 16 & 17 but the gkgg au instead (With text)

(Without text)

On other news, here's a rant about this au because why tf not + this au has been my hyperfixation for months now despite the fact it is literally a roleswap au & just things I have been pondering ever since ii 15 came out (Which for those who don't know what the gkgg au is, here. Because you'll need context to understand half of this.) I kinda always thought Mecintosh would be the one to side with Paintbrush, because I don't really think 4s would turn on Cobs, but then again, with how Cobs relationship is portrayed in the au, it is hard for me to see any of them breaking off from him (Besides 4 but it was more like Cobs broke off from him). Next, there's the whole ending thingy, which god damn would the endings be different tenfold, my source? Now I couldn't find the exact post, however, I do recall when swap Sliver was revealed (fulfilling the role of Candle), he was given a backstory as to how he discovered the shine or something (My memories fuzzy okay?), & that it was stated that him & knife were brothers, now why is this important? Simple, as much as we're aware, Cobs did not create the contestants. With this backstory supporting the fact, albeit this post I am referring to could be very much outdated for various reasons. But my point still stands until proven otherwise, so take it with a grain of salt Now, another thing that would change things tenfold is gkgg mp4's motives. Why would he delete the contestants (Also I'm pretty sure the explanation as for how bro's able to do so is the same), does he view them as an obstacle? Does he want to reconnect with his creator who he pushed away by being emotionally inept? Is he doing it because he can & he's just being a massive bastard? Who knows, I don't. Anyway, I could see mp4 telling Test Tube & Baseball that they aren't real to turn them against Cobs, with the statement being complete bullshit but bro has enough evidence to back it up. Also Mepad going against mp4 because bro wants answers & 3gs singing the future is so yesterday because mp4 needed to distract him somehow from everything else going on. Anyway, that was my rant about an ii roleswap au that has consumed me for the past several months at least The gkgg ii au belongs to @maxphilippa, supported by @burgycreeper405-blog (I am scared for my life if Max or Burgy finds this my social anxiety will not be able to handle it)

[maxphilippa]

Lyric Analysis of "The Future Is So Yesterday".

so. i want to talk about cobs' song and how there's a lot of hints there in which they're basically telling you to not trust him. lyrics were provided by @tdutb.

The first verse introduces you to a basic idea of what Cobs' character is as a whole. The opening with his catchphrase, and then the continuation in which he says "when everything is run your way/your influence is everywhere", it hints at the fact of how Meeple is a big monopoly of a company, showing that it is most likely the only place where people can get technology at. This can also be interpretated at how much control Cobs has over the show. "You tell me I'm too ambitious/I say I don't care!" is pretty much what happens with 3gs after the song is done. Cobs doesn't care about morale or about stopping, as 3gs says, he just wants the best of THE BEST, "anything that falls short of that doesn't matter".

The way Cobs treats the audience is quite... strange. He doesn't get too much into the coorporate bussiness, since he knows that they don't care for that. A big thing about Cobs' character (alongside the whole Twitter Takeover as well) is that he KNOWS his clients will take anything they can get along as they understand what it does. However this verse can be interpretated in another way: it can also be talking to the us, the audience, itself. It can be about Cobs doing what the audience wants. It could be Cobs saying what the audience wants to believe. "When everything is run your way" can be taken as "When everything is in your way" too.

"I'll never lose if you keep letting me win" is the part that sets off all alarms. This could be directed at Mephone4 and the contestants themselves, who are scared of Cobs, therefore giving him power, never allowing themselves to have a chance at winning.

"But with the good that I do, is that such a sin?" It is very clear that the only actions Cobs has taken in the whole show were meant to hurt Mephone4, and to hurt people by all means possible. However, he's convinced, or believes, that it is all for a greater good. For the greater good of innovating and producing, to keep his empire running forever and ever. I wouldn't be surprised if II ends with an immortal technological version of himself of some sorts.

"I created all that you believe! You gave me power you can't relieve!"

These lines are very very important to his character, and they also go back to 3GS and II as a show. Mephone4 has said that Cobs has had control of it the whole time despite the fact that it was a show Mephone4 made. The power that can't be relieved is The Shimmer Egg.

This shows how much power he has over everyone.

This is Cobs being dismissive once again, because he doesn't think about what he has made lately, but about what he can do now at that moment. "Did I leave you in the past?" Could be a reference to perhaps 3GS or the other phones, who Cobs dismissed as quickly as 3GS didn't complete the mission accordingly.

It can also be him being private about MephoneX.

Cobs is once again, dismissive about people wanting to know his intentions or goals. But we know already what he has in mind, he wants to take more and more.

"But if I've caused suspicion, hey! Take my apology!" Is a very insincere line that shows how quick he is to disregard people's views on him, this was also noticeable on his debut episode, when Microphone called him out for creating the mephones that tried to kill Mephone4. This is just pretty much telling you that you shouldn't trust him but, it gets worse.

This is pretty much confirmation of Cobs having something much more sinistier going on. Of course he's not going to say anything about it. We know how secretive he is. It's almost him laughing at our faces.

"No doy!" means "I don't give!" on spanish, although I'm not sure if that's meant to have any deeper meaning as of now. However,

"I mean, you always think I've got something to hide, and this is no different, you've implied!" Is pretty telling on it's own. Cobs is a known liar.

Again. His debut episode is proof of this.

and again, just another reminder of how much power cobs has now. how he's everywhere and how much damage he can cause.

and how he doesn't care.

the song was kind of brainwashy, wasn't it

[koopageneral]

INANIMATE INSANITY SEASON 2 EPISODE 15 SPOILERS. PLEAASE GO WATCH IT

Omgaaa I need to EXPLODE cuz of Taco’s Tirade. Gonna go on a rant analysing it prty much line-by-line so STRAP IN!! (Shout out to everyone who worked on this masterpiece omfg)

It starts off with what might be considered ‘normal’ Taco. Her making fun of the contestants. There is a little bit of hinting at her sympathy towards the contestants, although it’s incredibly shrouded in her mastermind facade. Calling them ‘pathetic’ and comparing them to blindly obedient dogs with ‘how they run to fetch their sticks.’

We get a little bit more with ‘Sure, call me polemic, unsympathetic.’ It shows how shes aware that she’s a problem, although at this point in the song it’s unclear to the audience whether she’s saying it in a way of ‘yeah call me it cuz it’s true, I don’t care.’ Or if it’s ‘call me these things, yeah, but I’m more than that.’

‘Look at me and all you see is the debris of some defective outcast.’ Feels like it’s getting into the meat of the song, and the episode as a whole, of how Taco has realized how she’s pushed everyone away for the sake of the game. The fact she has her arms tucked away during it gives another interesting interpretation, of it actually talking about before her big reveal, and how she was treated differently because she was, in her words, ‘defective.’

‘A frenetic, antithetic (if poetic) iconoclast.’ Frenetic means wild and energetic, probably, again, referring to her season 1 persona. Antithetic means opposite of something, and iconoclast means someone who attacks cherished institutions. This gets into her want to tear this entire show to the ground for the suffering it’s caused everyone.

‘I wont live in the past. I almost won this game once, you know.’ I’m just gonna parrot what @lemonxlimee said cuz they put it pretty succinctly with two words. Taco. Girl.

Then we get to the lines that got me started on this tirade (Pun intended.) ‘History is rearranged just to credit those who win the glory. So reality has changed in the edit when they spin the story.’ AUGH. Her fucking staring down at the hotel made of the money she spent SO HARD and lost SO MUCH to try and get. I. I want to scream about this. I don’t know how to put my thoughts on this line into fucking words.

‘And we choose to feel this pain.’ Going off the last line, Taco, out of almost anyone in the cast, knows how much you have to go through just to get a chance to win, which goes right into the next line.

‘We lose more than we gain.’ She lost Pickle. You might say that she didn’t actually care, but I’m not sure if I believe that. I feel like she might not have at first, and maybe even never when they actually were playing together. But you can’t convince me she doesn’t hate herself for using him on a plan that resulted in nothing. She also lost Mic, and it’s incredibly clear how much that affected her. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and showed her the flaws in this system.

‘I will break this cycle of mistakes unlike all of these snakes whom I call to condemn.’ She is fucking DETERMINED to make everyone see what they’ve sacrificed. She speaks with a level of contempt towards them, yes, but I feel like it’s more her projecting her feelings about the contest onto the contestants.

Then we’ve got MePad being best therapy boy. ‘You are incapable of starting over.’ She wants to be better. But she doesn’t feel worthy.

And then MePad’s slightly naive optimism with ‘I do not know who you lost, but is it not possible to get them back?’ He’s programmed to see the best in everyone. He wants things to work out. He doesn’t see how hard it might be to just make things better after a relationship exclusively built on lies.

This naivete is immediately contrasted by Taco’s all-encompassing pessimism. ‘Clear the slate, start again, do you hear how preposterous that sounds? How do you not comprehend that for someone with my monstrous background, the whole slate has fallen apart.’ To Taco, the bridges between her and Mic or Pickle are nothing but smoldering piles of rubble after all the pain she’s put them through.

This contrast is even more stark with the duet of ‘It’s too late’ and ‘It’s not too late.’ I don’t even know what to say about that, it’s pretty black and white.

For the duet, gonna go one character at a time for simplicity. Starting with Taco.

We see taco’s turmoiled feelings on whether she’s to blame, with ‘It’s not I, it’s they who deigned to play.’ Even after all of this internal conflict and deep personal realizations, there’s still a part of her that wants to cast the blame of the pain she’s caused onto the ones she’s hurt.

Another deflection she throws out is, honestly, probably more fair, if still not great. ‘This game, so cruel and inhumane, base and uncouth.’ This really gets into her main philosophy for the episode. She’s afraid to take responsibility, and pins the blame on the show for pitting everyone against one another. I want to make it clear, her point is incredibly valid. We see during THIS EPISODE how much it turns people against eachother. The challenge is entirely built around making the contestants spill their true feelings about each other, and using that to fuel drama. Suitcase literally has to choose between two people she cares about over who she’s bringing into the finals, pitting Baseball and Knife against eachother. While the show is ‘cruel and inhumane’, I don’t think that should just be a het out of jail free card for Taco. Yes, she did it because she felt there was no other choice to win, but she still did horrible things. She manipulated 2 people into actually believing she cared.

‘They’re too afraid to bear the bed they made, can’t bring themselves to face the awful truth.’ This is pretty much just her saying that the other contestants are too blind to see how much pain they’ve gone through to get to where they are.

NOW. Baby boy therapist, MePad.

‘You’re no menace, Taco, how did they hurt you?’ He agrees with Taco on the grounds of how much pain the contestants go through, but he’s just a little more concerned about the tact needed to show them. He knows that Taco wants to change, but she’s afraid to. He knows how much she wants to apologize to the people she’s hurt. He feels that there has to be something external she’s dealing with to have this level of spite in her, even if there isn’t, and all of her hate is towards herself.

‘Please think this through’ is pretty self explanatory. As I said, he agrees with Taco about her basic ideals, but feels like there are better ways to deal with the issue.

‘Feeling double crossed is part of dealing with the loss, yes, but the healing is a process, that’s the truth.’ He wants to see Taco get better, and he’s trying to get through to her about the fact that her feelings are entirely valid, but she has to, at some point, let go.

I also feel like the sound mixing is very purposeful. Taco’s voice rings through clearly, able to be heard without much difficulty. MePad’s vocals are softer, and a little quieter and harder to make out. Taco is so in her own head about the pain she’s gone through, she refuses to listen to any outside voice.

Then we get to Taco trying her best to cover up her emotions again and put on her mastermind persona with ‘I’m turning up the heat to sauté, I’ve some beef to get grilled. But I guarantee that today all the beans that get spilled won’t be mine.’ I love how this foreshadows the challenge, but doesn’t make it obvious.

We see one last crack in her facade in the penultimate ‘I’m fine.’ Again, the ‘mistake’ in this line feels incredibly purposeful. It’s incredibly pitchy and bad, to an almost ear-splitting level. Taco knows she isn’t actually okay at ALL, and has trouble telling such a blatant lie.

And then the last line, ‘now it’s time’, is her fully donning the mask once again, ready to expose the show for what it is.

ANYWAY. Uh. Thanks for reading all this bs. I fucking love this song so much, and I think Taco’s motivation in this episode is fascinating. Any comments or constructive criticism of my analysis is MORE than appreciated, hope you all have a wonderful day/night/whenever.

[kaciidubs]

Pumpkin for my Pumpkin | Spooktober 2023

❣ Summary: It was just a simple pumpkin picking date... right? ❣  ❣ Word Count: 2.4k ❣ Warnings: Dom! Seungmin, Reader is a tease, degradation, begging, creampies, semi-public sex [car sex], fluff, smut with feelings, clothed sex ❣  ❣ Female! Reader [No use of Y/N] | You/Your pronouns ❣  ❣ Additional Tags: Seungmin is referred to as Baby and Minnie, Reader is referred to as Pup and Bub[s] ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist ❣ Spooktober 2023

Seungmin was never like this - he was never like this at all.

He prided himself on self control - being cool, calm, and collected when he wanted to be, while also allowing himself to go off of impulse when he was comfortable enough to do so.

This was one of those times.

When you offered him to go on a pumpkin picking date to settle into the new season, he accepted with no hesitation; the weather was perfect, he had the day off, and he’d be lying if he wasn’t looking forward to the eventual pumpkin carving contest you both would have afterwards.

What he didn’t expect, however, was for you to wear quite possibly the hottest outfit he’d ever seen - not that it was any type of extravagant to begin with; a cute tank top tucked into a thigh-length skater skirt, paired with a fluffy cardigan and those shiny black boots he got you for your birthday.

Simple.

Stylish.

Sexy.

His eyes were trained on the hem of your skirt, watching as it swayed with each step you took around the pumpkin patch, your thighs practically glowing from the golden light of the sun.

He could practically feel the heat of them on his ears as he spreads them open to-

“What about this one, Minnie?”

His heated gaze snapped to where your finger was pointing, easily narrowing in on an oddly shaped pumpkin among the other oddities of the group; it was more oval shaped than round, provided a lot of surface area to carve but didn’t look stable enough to stand on its own.

“Honestly?” He paused, listening for your hum for him to continue, “Doesn’t look like it’d last long, it might be lopsided and if it falls over it’s automatically disqualified in the contest.”

You gasped in dramatic disdain, “It won’t fall over! Look-” 

He watched as you quickly stepped past a few scattered pumpkins to get to your target, and his heart nearly stopped when you bent over to pick up the overgrown gourd; your skirt threatening to expose more than just the curve of your ass decorated in the fishnets you wore.

Even just the simple flash of skin had his dick stirring in his jeans.

“The bottom is flat! It’s perfect, you can’t tell me it isn’t!”

Being someone who had impeccable self control, he was able to push past his raging hormones to easily catch the sparkle in your eye, a familiar glimmer that he’d seen time and time again.

You knew what you were doing.

Pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek, he nodded passively, “Get it.”

He didn’t miss the victorious smile that stretched your lips, hugging the pumpkin to your chest as you carefully made your way back to his side. “Did you wanna get one from this pile or keep looking around?”

At this point, he didn’t have the patience to humor you - not when the way you were holding the pumpkin made your breasts push up toward the neckline of your tank top. 

He stooped down to pick up the closest pumpkin; it was cute, rounder than yours but a bit smaller in height, it would get the job done as far as he cared at this point - showing it off with a tight lipped smile.

“Got it, let's go.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, eyes flitting between him and the pumpkin that definitely went against his usual style, “Are you sure-”

“I’m sure, pup - now let’s go.”The insistence in his voice made chills run down your spine, pressing your lips together to fight back the grin aching to spread on your face - your plan had worked.

Granted, you truly did intend for this day to be a simple date for the two of you, but it had been a while since you’d purposefully gone out of your way to test your boyfriend’s resolve and to be frank; you missed dabbling in a bit of mischief for the benefit of your, and his, pleasure.

Following him toward the pay booth of the pumpkin patch, you watched him fish out a $20 bill for the price of the two pumpkins, give the lovely woman a quiet “Thank you.”, and nod his head in the direction of the exit.

The walk to the car seemed farther than it did when you both initially arrived, the car waiting patiently at the furthest end of the lot due to the large attendance earlier in the afternoon. The tail lights flashed, signaling the car unlocking, but before you could take your place in the front, Seungmin stopped you with a hum.

“Put the pumpkin in the front, you get in the back.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, jaw dropping slightly, “What? Why-”

“If I have to repeat myself again, it’s not going to be pretty for you, pup.”

Meeting his firm stare, you did what any rational person would do with a command like that; opening the front door to place your pumpkin in the seat that was supposed to be yours, before swinging open the back door and shuffling your way in.

It took a beat for him to do the same, but once he was in the back with you, he leaned his back against the car door, “Lay on your back.”

You opened your mouth to comment but shut it immediately after - now that you were in the position of getting what you needed, you didn’t have much resolve to keep arguing with him. So, like he asked, you shuffled your way into laying on your back across the seats, suddenly entirely thankful for the tinted windows of the company car.

“You couldn’t just let one day go smoothly without showing off how desperate you are, could you?” He muttered lowly, pushing your legs apart to kneel between the empty space, his hands wasting no time in bunching your skirt up to your waist. “You were the one who suggested we even go on this date, yet here you are, cutting it short because you don’t know how to control yourself.”

“Seungmin, don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.” You smiled up at him, excitement dancing through your voice as you felt his warm fingers trace your skin over your fishnets.

He spared you a fleeting glance, cocking his eyebrow before scoffing, “Enjoy it? Sure, okay.” Without warning, his hands went to the crotch of your tights and pulled at the delicate fabric, breaking the threads and tearing a hole down the inseam. “I enjoyed it, and I’m gonna enjoy this even more.”

“You did not just- Ah!”

His thumb pressed against the gusset of your panties and he hissed out a breath, the cotton already damp from your arousal.

“I bet if we stayed any longer you would’ve been dripping.”

Pulling his hand back, he got to work on his jeans, undoing the button and zipper to shuffle them and his boxers down just enough to free his hardening cock.

Shuffling himself closer, he slid his hand between your thighs and tugged your panties to the side with his fingers, exposing the warmth of your cunt to his glistening tip. Being outside all day meant he couldn’t dare to think about touching you without washing his hands, but he would make this work just as easily - he just needed a little patience.

You sensed this hesitation and squeezed his hips with your thighs, “I’m wet enough, like you said, so fuck me already.”

Scoffing, he shook his head in faux astonishment, “You’re insatiable.”

Needing no other encouragement, he used the fingers of his free hand to drag the head of his cock through your folds, nudging against your clit and collecting your arousal before notching himself at your slit and slowly pushing himself in.

Without his usual preparation, the stretch was slow, but it was worth it once the tops of his thighs met the back of yours - your pussy wrapped snugly around him and fluttering for more.

“Fuck… This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” His rhetorical hung in the air as he ground his hips into yours, “Wanted to get fucked in the back of the car like the horny slut you are, hm?”

His words sent a sear of heat down your spine that settled in the pit of your stomach, your right leg opening just a bit wider since your left was squished between his side and the seat. “N-No-”

“No? Pup, there’s so many things you’re good at,” He drawled, one hand holding your hip while the other gripped the edge of the edge of the seat, his hips drawing back slowly, “but lying is definitely not one of them.”

A quick thrust punctuated his statement, sharp and deep, sending a gasped moan flying from your lips as you pressed the back of your hand to your lips; your other hand grabbing and holding onto his jacket clad shoulder.

Seungmin tsked, an amused smirk growing on his lips and a familiar dastardly shine glimmering in his eyes. “Quiet, don’t want us getting caught by anyone here, do we?”

From then on, his pace was quick and brutal; his body eclipsing yours as he all but fucked you through the backseat of the car, hushed degradations and grunts accented by breathless moans and whimpers bouncing around the interior.

It was hot - desperate - between the way his hips snapped into yours and the way one leg ached to lock him in while the other had your shin against the back of the driver's seat, you were certain if he hadn’t parked as far as he did, the evidence of your new ‘activity’ would’ve been realized.

“Shit- Let me hear you, bubs.” His body dropped closer against your own, shivering when your cunt pulsed around his dick, eager for every quick thrust he was giving you. “Move your hand, let me hear those moans of yours.”

You could tell he was getting close, if not from the way his cock was twitching then by the way he demanded to hear you - his desire to hear your fucked out voice tell him how good he was making you feel shining through, even at the most inopportune of times.

Dropping your hand to grab the collar of his shirt, a honey coated whine dripped from your tongue, “M-Minnie, baby, please make me come - need it so bad.”

The second your plea fell from your lips, a harsh realization dawned on you; you’d have to come just from penetration, your poor little clit neglected since his first touch through your panties.

Seungmin was a thorough lover, he knew all of your spots, all of the buttons to press to make you tick and switches to flip to make you last just as long as he desired - it was rare for him to get you to come without a combination of those and a thumb or finger rubbing messy circles around your nub.

He nodded firmly, strands of his bangs tickling your forehead, “You can come like this, I know you can, you know you can.” 

Despite his reassurance you could feel the fire in your abdomen start to singe you, not quite the heat that spread through your limbs in a wave of ecstasy, but a warmth that refused to go elsewhere.

“Seungmin, I need- I can’t-” You needed more, that one extra push to send you over the edge, but he couldn’t give it to you; your body growing restless as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Touch me, please? Please, I’m so close, just-” 

“Hey, hey, look at me.”

Doing as he said, your eyes locked onto his own and your heart swelled; the warmth and pure adoration sparkling in his irises making a chill run down your spine. 

“You can, okay? Stop thinking so hard and just focus on me.” He dipped his head down, brushing his lips against yours in a feather-light kiss, “Focus on me, bub - only me.”

You nodded your head as much as you could before leaning up to catch his lips again. His right hand gripped your hip tighter, while the left dug into the edge of the seat further, giving him more leverage as he thrusted slower, deeper. 

If he couldn’t use his hands, then he'd simply use another trick that would give you both what you wanted. 

Gasping into his mouth, your arms tightened around his neck, “Oh fuck!”

Seungmin grunted, trying his best to not pay attention to the way your pussy sucked him in - every minute flutter or clench sending shocks of pleasure through his dick and up his spine. He would have time later to tease you about your reactions, for now, the only thing he was focused on was making you come first.

Shuffling his knees forward just a bit, he delivered a sharp thrust that had your back arching, chest pressing against his. 

There. 

Steeling his resolve, he aimed every thrust to that spot; swallowing every airy moan with breathless kisses, and replying to every whine with knowing hums. 

“Come on, bub, I know you can do it,” he grunted, lifting his head slightly to watch your face, “I can f-feel you clenching, just come for me.”

“Minnie.” Your lips pouted, glistening eyes pinning him with so many emotions it made his head spin - but the twinkle that caught his eye made his dick harder than before.

“I’m here, ‘m right here- I-” When your hands squeezed his shoulders, eyebrows pinched and eyes pleading, everything clicked. “I love you.” 

When your eyelids fluttered, he grinned, leaning down again to rest his sweaty forehead against your own. 

“I love you, I love you - Please, come for me, bub." 

Your right hand tangled itself into his hair, fingers gripping at the root and holding him as your legs began to tense. 

“Say it back,” Seungmin whispered, pleading, “say it back, pup.” 

“I-I love you.” You nearly sobbed, pussy clenching as he pushed you closer and closer. “I love you, I-I-” Your voice tapered off into a moan, hand tightening in his hair as your orgasm swept you away.

He followed suit with a choked gasp, his body stilling against yours as his cock twitched with each rope of come pumped into you.

It only took a few moments for him to come back to himself, huffing out a short breath before giving your lips a quick, sweet peck.

“Just so you know,” he hummed, admiring the soft glaze now set in your eyes, “when we get home, your real punishment starts.”

A tired laugh shook your shoulders, staring up at him with a content smile, “I’m looking forward to it.”

✧. ┊Tagged lovelies: @goblinracha, @having-an-internal-crisis-rn, @midnightfrog625, @anyhow-everything, @bangchanbabygirlx, @sweetracha, @j-onedrabbles, @happilydeepestwonderland, @nightimescapes, @caitlyn98s, @ch4nn13luv, @ihrtlix, @sometimesleeknows, @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997, @instabull, @maximumkillshot, @bandolls, @y-ur--i, @acker-night, @dreamescapeswriting, @sunnyhonie, @specialstay, @broken-glowsticks, @s00buwu, @all4innie, @dancerachaslut, @junglyric

✧. ┊Kinktober only: @selicua

✧. ┊If your username is in bold italics that means tumblr won't let me tag you. If you’d like to be added to the taglist, fill out this form!

[mageknight14]

Sometimes I often think about Nagi Usui and how she’s one of the best characters to have come out in the past few years.

-One of her main motivations to get back into the real world is so she can play more of her mobile gacha game.

-She gains an instant crush on someone just because he resembles one of the main characters from said mobile gacha game.

-She’s the only one of her team to actually like the Grilled Alligator meal from SBY BBQ.

-The kanji on her shirt changes for every situation she finds herself in whether it’s for fights or eating.

-Some of her other kanji shirts reference The Art of War, kendo, Buddhist proverbs, JRPG terminology, and chuuni terms, among other things.

-One of sayings on her shirt translates to "Now I'm motivated" when in battle which means that yes, Nagi is a DMC Vergil fan.

-In the Field Walk RPG, Rindo wonders about how the letters of her shirt keep changing and Nagi tells him that she changes her shirts in between fights and food. He then wonders about how he never notices and Nagi tells him that she’s mastered the art of changing them in a millisecond before saying that she’s just joking.

-Is the only one out of the team with a dedicated maid outfit.

-Brags about being a one time Quiz Academy Queen Quizster after going head-to-head with a DRS member over the title and winning over him in the manga category.

-Accidentally intimidates other EleStra fans from approaching her through sheer aura.

-Her English VA based her performance off of Peridot from Steven Universe and Entrapta from She-Ra.

-Said VA also confirmed that Nagi would most definitely be a Sonic fan, with her being a fan of Shadow the Hedgehog in particular.

-Surprisingly, she has the most connections on the Social Network outside of Rindo due to her natural ability to understand people

-Gets into a pissing contest in Another Day with a ojou-sama, metalhead fan over who’s the bigger Takeharu Ishimoto fan

-Owns and is raising at least 10 snakes in Another Day

-Only knows how to cook sunny-side up fried eggs from the box, with the yolks described as 'frozen' and the eggs described as unpleasantly chewy.

-Is insanely competitive at fighting games

-She considers video game arcades to be the perfect date location.

-All of her "gurgly sounds" combined make for more than two minutes straight of audio.

-In Japanese, her personal pronoun is a neetspeak version of a pronoun usually used by sagely old male characters.

-In general, she uses a lot of netslang, including the Japanese equivalent of "kek" basically.

-She's too anxious to use a phone and to work a job that requires her to interact with people regularly such as retail.

-She’s the most bloodthirsty of the Wicked Twisters when it comes to fighting Noise and even lets out an evil laugh when unleashing a Grenade Launcher pin

-She really likes jigsaw puzzles and finds them calming; more specifically, the "1000-piece" type of jigsaw puzzles.

-Even with her eccentricities, she’s one of the most emotionally intelligent and empathetic characters in the series, and is never once treated as off-putting for her interests and actually uses the life lessons she took from EleStra to help out others in need.

-Is more than capable of killing a man with her psychic mind powers.

[yamayuandadu]

Tamamizu Monogatari, a unique love story

This article, unlike most of my recent longer pieces, was not planned in advance. I learned about the subject very recently, and instantly realized I absolutely have to introduce it to more people, the previously posted schedule be damned. The Tale of Tamamizu (玉水物語, Tamamizu Monogatari) is a story about a fox turning into a human, but a rather unconventional one, filled with an unusual degree of sympathy for the eponymous protagonist and focused on a rather unique relationship. In addition to summarizing it in detail and explaining the possible inspirations behind it, I will also try to explain why the tale found a new life on social media as a, broadly speaking, lgbt narrative, and why I think there is a compelling case to be made for such an interpretation. Unless stated otherwise, all images used through the article are taken from the Kyoto University Rare Materials Digital Archive, on whose website you can view scans of the original Tamamizu Monogatari.

The Tale of Tamamizu, also known as The Contest of Autumn Leaves (Momiji Awase) is an example of otogi-zōshi, illustrated prose narrative. The story was presumably originally composed in the Muromachi period (1335-1573), and it survives in multiple copies dated either to the early Edo period or to the end of the Japanese “middle ages” directly preceding it. The identity of the author (or authors) is unknown. Despite its apparent popularity in the past, it seems no major studies of the tale of Tamamizu have ever been conducted. A streamlined translation (or rather an extensive summary) was published online by Kyoto University Library in 2001 and can be accessed here. In 2018, a full translation, as well as a brief introduction, were prepared for the anthology Monsters, Animals, and Other Worlds. A Collection of Short Medieval Japanese Tales. Still, it doesn't seem either sparked all that much interest in Tamamizu, despite the story’s obvious modern appeal. Since the tale of Tamamizu is not well known, I will start with a detailed summary. I am consistently using female pronouns for Tamamizu after she transforms, as does the older translation. The other English translation switches between female and male pronouns. I will explain in the final paragraph of the article why I made the decision to follow the former. The Tale of Tamamizu The story of Tamamizu does not start with the eponymous character, but rather with a certain mr. Takayanagi from Toba. He is troubled, as while he is already 30, he has no children. He decides the only choice is to pray to gods and buddhas. This actually does work, and his wife becomes pregnant, and after the expected period gives birth to a daughter. She doesn’t get a name at any point in the story. The girl’s birth is followed by a timeskip. As we learn, she was distinguished by twenty five features associated with beauty. This is apparently a reference to the belief that a buddha possessed thirty two specific physical traits; the number might have been altered to twenty five because of a popular group of twenty five bodhisattvas associated with Amida. By the time she reached the age of fifteen or so, she also developed great skill in composing poetry in both Japanese and Chinese. Her parents at some point decided that it would be ideal to send her to serve in the emperor’s court in the future. The girl spends most of the time in awe of the blooming of flowers, the wind and other similar phenomena, as one would expect from a literary character of similar status. She maintains her own flower garden, and spends much of her time there.

On one of the days when she visited it alongside her friend Tsukisae, the daughter of her nurse, she caught the attention of a fox. The fox is, at this point in time, not yet Tamamizu. He wishes he could introduce himself to the girl. He considers the standard method - transforming into a nobleman - but he realizes this would likely sadden the girl’s parents, and would tarnish her reputation. He falls into despair. It does not exactly help that his attempts at visiting the garden again end up poorly - on the way there, he gets pelted with stones and then, after trying again, shot with an arrow. Still, he continued to hope to meet with the girl. An opportunity finally arose through a lucky coincidence. Another family living in the same area had multiple sons, but no daughters, much to the parents chagrin. They loudly lamented that they wished they had at least one girl among the children. The fox overheard that and realized it might be an opportunity. He transformed himself into a teenage girl (curiously, the story specifically puts her at the exact same age as the unnamed second protagonist), and enters their house. She explains that she is an orphan, and while passing by she overheard the family’s woes. She offers to become their daughter. The couple instantly agrees.

The fox spends some time living with her adoptive family, though she gets sad easily and keeps bursting into tears. After some time, they offer that they will find her a husband in due time, but she reacts to that poorly, and eventually suggests she would prefer to become the servant of a noble lady. Her adoptive mother agrees this isn’t a bad idea, and reveals that her younger sister is a lady-in-waiting of the daughter of a local noble, mr. Takayanagi. She suggests the fox could become her attendant too. She is overjoyed at this prospect, and is soon sent to Takayanagi’s mansion to meet with his daughter. The girl receives her new attendant warmly, and gives her a nickname, Tamamizu-no-mae (Tamamizu for short). They get along really well, and Tamamizu gets to partake in her various activities, serves her food and drinks, and even sleeps in the same bed (Tsukisae does too, though). While Tamamizu does remarkably well as a human, some of her fox habits remain. Most notably, she is really afraid of dogs. Her lady sympathizes with her plight, and actually bans dogs from her household. This is a much welcome change from Tamamizu’s point of view, though apparently some other members of the staff start to view her as a coward because of this, and simultaneously resent her closeness with the girl. The bond between Tamamizu and the girl reaches a new level when on a moonlight night they spontaneously compose a poem together. It deals with longing. We are told it was followed up by multiple other poems, which are not quoted in the story. Eventually the girl gets tired and heads to her room. However, Tamamizu remains outside gazing at the moon and eventually starts crying, unsure what fate awaits her. Tsukisae, who was inside all along, actually becomes concerned about Tamamizu, and says she feels sorry for her, correctly identifying the cause of her sorrow as love for an unidentified party. She shares her thoughts with their lady (in the form of a poem, of course). The latter summons Tamamizu inside, and soon all three go to bed together. Tamamizu is still overwhelmed by her feelings and can’t fall asleep, though. Tamamizu continues to serve the girl for the next three years. She also remains in touch with her adoptive mother, who sends her letters and new clothes every now and then. One day, many visitors arrived in the house for a friendly competition. The winner will be the person with the most beautiful collection of autumn leaves. Tamamizu decides she must find some for her mistress to give her an advantage. To accomplish that, at night for the first time in years she turns back into a fox, and leaves to visit her siblings. Not the adoptive ones, though. As it turns out, she has two fox brothers, one younger and one older. She actually hasn’t visited them in so long they assumed she died and held funerary services for her in the meanwhile. They are overjoyed to learn that is not the case, and after learning about her current life agree to help her with finding unique leaves. She tells them to leave them on the veranda of her mistress’ mansion, and reassures them it’s safe for foxes to be there thanks to the earlier decision to not allow dogs on the premises. After the visit Tamamizu returns home in her human form. Tsukisae and her mistress ask her where she has been, and she jokes about meeting with a “dubious fellow” (which, to be fair, is not even a lie, given the typical folkloric portrayal of foxes). This in turn leads to more jokes, revolving around Tamamizu no longer thinking about her mistress. She feels distressed by this suggestion.

Tamamizu’s brothers in the meanwhile succeed in their search for thrilling leaves. One of them found a branch with five-colored leaves decorated with the Lotus Sutra (as you probably know, one of the main religious texts in the Mahayana Buddhist tradition). Tamamizu is overjoyed, and instantly brings them to her mistress. The girl received plenty of leaves from other people in the meanwhile, but all of them pale in comparison. She is so happy about the gift that she requests Tamamizu to also write poems meant to accompany the presentation of the collection. She protests that she is unsuitable, but eventually accepts this honor and gets down to work. The parents of the girl came along to watch her write, and both of them concluded she is exceptionally skilled. She ends up providing five poems, one for each color of leaves gathered. They are subsequently combined by these the girl wrote herself.

Obviously, the main characters’ joint entry wins the competition. This grants the girl such fame that the emperor declares she should come to his court. Since her father is not affluent enough to pay for traveling there, he bestows additional estates upon him to make that possible. Even Tamamizu gets her own estate, Kakuta in Settsu Province. However, she decides it will be for the best to give it to her adoptive parents. Shortly after that, Tamamizu’s adoptive mother falls sick. She leaves her mistress to attend to her, but it did not help much and her condition kept worsening. Therefore, her stay had to be extended over and over again. This predicament worries her mistress, who sends her a letter to let her know that it is boring and gloomy without her around, and implores her to return as soon as her mother’s condition improves. Tsukisae is similarly concerned. Both of them voice their concerns through poems, which at this point should not be surprising for the reader.

Tamamizu of course appreciates these displays of sympathy, but she cannot return, so in response she only reassures both of them that she will meet with them again as soon as possible.  Shortly after that, the mother’s condition worsened yet again. The entire family laments through the entire day, but eventually everyone manages to fall asleep - save for Tamamizu. In the middle of the night Tamamizu notices that an old, hairless fox entered the house. She quickly realizes that he was her paternal uncle (a fox uncle, that is. Not a relative of her adoptive parents). The illness was his doing, as she quickly realizes. Tamamizu requests him to leave her adoptive mother alone. However, the old fox says he cannot do that, as the illness is his act of revenge against her family, since her father killed his child. He concluded it is only right to make his daughter sick so that she dies too.

Tamamizu admits that this makes sense in theory, but she points out that acting upon desire for revenge will only bring bad karma, and bad karma from previous lives is why both of them were born as foxes in the first place. She offers the old fox a crash course in Buddhist ethics, and warns him that accumulating even more bad karma might lead to someone eventually killing him too, and to yet more rebirths in one of the three realms which are best to avoid (animals, hungry spirits, hell).

The old fox notes following buddhas is for humans, not for those born in other realms of rebirth (he’s not entirely wrong, humans are generally held to be in the optimal condition to seek enlightenment; animals must follow instinct and thus end up accumulating bad karma, devas are to preoccupied with celestial bliss), but eventually he relents and agrees that it would be wrong to kill the woman because of the actions of her father. He concludes that it would not even make him feel better, since his child would remain dead. He tells Tamamizu that evidently he was able to meet her because of good karma acquired in a past life, asks her to pray for his deceased child, and leaves, announcing he shall become a monk reciting nenbutsu from now on. Tamamizu did what he asked for, and even performed a funerary service for her late cousin. With the problem solved, her adoptive mother returned to good health. She was therefore free to meet with her mistress again. She was elevated to the rank of chujo no kimi, the foremost among servants. However, despite her mistress’ best efforts to make her feel appreciated, she was suffering from persistent bouts of melancholy. She wished she could confess her love and consummate the relationship, but she concluded that since she kept her identity secret for so long, it would be no longer possible to reveal it without losing the acceptance of the girl. She decides she must disappear. However, before that she prepares a long poem explaining her predicament.

She placed it in a box, and gave it to her mistress, explaining that it should only be opened if something happens to her. She then broke down in tears.

Tamamizu’s mistress does not fully understand what is happening, and asks if she perhaps is worried about their planned relocation to the imperial court. However, Tamamizu denies that and guarantees she will accompany her on the journey there. Her mistress starts crying too, and says she has hoped they will always be together. Shortly after, the day of the journey came. Tamamizu’s mistress and mr. Takayanagi, now recognized as a lord, were certain that she went with them, but as soon as they reached their destination it turned out she was nowhere to be found. Days upon days of grieving followed. Eventually, the girl realized that she had no choice but to open the box. From the poem contained within, she learned everything about Tamamizu, from the day they first met all the way up to the disappearance. It explained how she hoped to protect her mistress through her current life and beyond, but had to give up after realizing it was all in vain. In the final words of the poem, she firmly refers to her with the name she was given by the girl - Tamamizu.

The poem moves her deeply, but the story does not have a happy ending - we never learn what happened to Tamamizu afterwards.

Tamamizu’s forerunners

It is agreed that much like the considerably more famous Tamamo no Mae, Tamamizu in part depends on earlier Chinese literature about foxes. Not exactly on the same sort of stories, though - she is not exactly a malevolent seductress, to put it lightly. The key to finding her forerunners is the scene in the beginning when the still nameless fox considers transforming into a male suitor at first, before settling on the form of a female attendant, and the erudition she displays through the story. An argument can be made that this is conscious engagement with a very specific type of older fox story, largely forgotten today. In Tang China, fox stories enjoyed considerable popularity. You may remember that I mentioned this in passing a few months ago in another fox-themed article. One of the genres popular at the time was focused on fox suitors. There are many stories like that, but they largely follow a similar plot: a male fox falls in love with a human girl, takes the form of a dashing literatus and requests marriage. The girl’s family rejects the proposal, as despite charm and erudition the fox is ultimately an outsider with no family, and doesn’t depend on the well established institution of matchmaking. Afterwards, he typically tries to win the girl over with some sort of trick, and fails in the process, thus meeting his demise when his real identity is inevitably exposed.

In some cases, twists are introduced and the fox is effectively exploited by the family: for example, in the story about a certain mr. Hu (a common surname which is a homonym for the word for fox) and the granddaughter of the official Li Yuangong, the Li family agrees for the girl to be taught by the fox, and even asks him for advice on various matters, just to kill him once he outlived his usefulness.

Zhou Wenju's painting A Literary Garden (文苑图, Wenyuantu), showing a group of discouring Tang literati (wikimedia commons)

Many literati came from humble backgrounds, and only attained high positions thanks to success in the imperial examinations. However, their advances were often frowned upon by nobles, who saw them as upstarts. Therefore, faking a more notable origin was widespread to secure a better position in the high strata of society. All of this is reflected in the stories of the fox suitors. Xiaofei Kang, who wrote my favorite monograph about Chinese fox beliefs, notes that the stories might have effectively been a way to cope with everyday anxieties. In other words, perhaps the fox self insert fails so that the real person sharing his precarious status can succeed.

Another aspect of the Tale of Tamamizu which offers a clue about its origins is the focus on Buddhism, and its role in the lives of non-humans in particular. Tamamizu evidently attains a considerable familiarity with Buddhist doctrine, to the point the old fox basically seems to perceive her as thinking more like a human than a fox. Evidently, she doesn’t think being an animal should prevent one from seeking good karma. This seems to reflect a medieval Buddhist phenomenon. Roughly from the Insei period (1086-1185) up to the eighteenth century, and especially between the twelfth and fourteenth centuries, the dominant esoteric schools of Buddhism propagated the doctrine of hongaku (本覺), “original enlightenment”. This idea originates in an earlier Buddhis text, Awakening of Faith in the Mahāyāna. According to proponents of this idea all living beings, even plants, possessed an innate “Buddha nature”, as did natural features like mountains. They were innately capable of attaining enlightenment, or innately enlightened outright. Religion influences art, so it has been argued that the spread of new stories about animals behaving like people in the Muromachi period had a distinctly Buddhist dimension.

The modern reception of Tamamizu

Despite the fascinating themes of the story of Tamamizu, it only found a greater degree of modern recognition in 2019, outside of academic circles at that. I'm surprised it took so long, since when you think about it, the sensibilities of the author indeed seem surprisingly modern. The narrator even reassures us Tamamizu’s human form is the same age as the object of her affection, anticipating what sorts of shipping discourse could arise 700 years later. Anyway, in 2019 a fragment of the story was the subject of one of the classical Japanese literature questions from the National Center Test for University Admissions, a standardized university entrance exam held across Japan each January from 1990 to 2020. This obviously exposed an enormous number of people to it, not just exam-takers. Following this event, a Tamamizu fad seemingly swept social media and pixiv (curiously, there’s a single piece of art there which predates the phenomenon by six years; op actually updated the description in 2019 to say they are happy more people learned about the story). There’s even a Tamamizu Monogatari tag on Dynasty Scans as a result. It’s worth pointing out the wikipedia entry of the story was written in 2019 as well. Most curiously apparently a research project focused on Tamamizu, Kahoko Iguru’s Border transgression between species and gender as observed in “Tamamizu Monogatari”,  received a grant in the same year too (source; more info here). It doesn’t seem the results have been published yet. I will keep you updated if that changes, obviously. I am actually surprised I didn’t notice the Tamamizu phenomenon back then, even though 2019 Antonia was distinctly more terminally online than 2023 Antonia is. It’s worth noting that Tamamizu’s fame didn’t fade away. The online following the story gained was referenced in an Asahi Shimbun article a year later. A quick survey of social media will show you there are people still talking about Tamamizu today. People who aren’t me, that is. What made Tamamizu so unexpectedly popular - arguably more than the story has been in the past few centuries - in recent years? Most of the linked sources relatively neutrally state that people perceive it as a “unique love story”. Social media posts are often considerably more direct: for many people, the appeal lies in the realization the Tale of Tamamizu is probably the closest to a lesbian love story in the entire corpus of medieval Japanese literature. I won’t deny this is in no small part its appeal for me too. Note this is not an universal sentiment by any means, though. It is difficult to tell if this was the intent of the medieval author(s), of course. It is obviously impossible to deny that women attracted to women existed in medieval Japan, as is the case in every society since the dawn of history. However, they left little, if any, trace in textual sources. As pointed out by Bernard Faure, in Japan in the past as in many other historical societies “sexuality without men is properly unthinkable” and therefore received no coverage. While there is plenty of Japanese Buddhist literature dealing with male homosexuality (trust me though, you do not want to read it; I’ve included a brief explanation why in the bibliography), there is basically nothing when it comes to women. The only possible exception is what some authors argue might be a medieval depiction of a lesbian couple in Tengu Zōshi, a work I plan to discuss in more detail next month, but note that this would be only an example of condemnation, since this work is a religious polemic dealing with vices of the clergy. 

The supposed lesbian couple from Tengu Zōshi; image from Haruko Wakayabashi's The Seven Tengu Scrolls: Evil and the Rhetoric of Legitimacy in Medieval Japanese Buddhism; reproduced here for educational purposes only.

This sort of absence of evidence is a recurring pattern through history - you might recall my own attempts to find out what Bronze Age Mesopotamian sources have to say on this matter. Before the Meiji period, when the term dōseiai (同性愛) was coined as a calque of Charles Gilbert Chaddok’s freshly invented label “homosexual”, there wasn’t even a distinct Japanese term which could be applied to lesbian relationships. Once again, this does not indicate this phenomenon did not exist - but it does indicate that due to extreme levels of sexism in the perception of both sexuality and relationships it was difficult to even imagine for the average author. Faure suggests the prevailing attitude was presumably similar as in continental Buddhism, in which lesbian love “was at best perceived as a poor imitation of heterosexual relations—or a preparation for them—and as such condemned” at least in monastic rules. To put it bluntly, only penetrative sex was regarded as real.

And yet, in spite of this, I do not think it is wrong to wonder if perhaps what seems like subtext to a modern reader is actually intentional. This is obviously a reach, but given that relationships between women - not even romantic ones - were historically not a major concern of most authors, I would argue it is not impossible that a work which revolves virtually entirely around the relationships between female characters was written by a woman. Perhaps a woman romantically interested in other women, even. Even more boldly, I’d ponder if perhaps the ambiguous gender of the fox before transformation was meant to make the romance palatable to general audiences. Note that while foxes transforming is a mainstay of both Japanese and Chinese literature, the change of gender is actually quite uncommon in such stories, making this single reference all the more unusual. Granted, gender change is hardly a major focus in the story of Tamamizu. The only real indication the fox is male is the decision to take a male human form at first, but beyond that, things get muddy to the point the matter of gender in the story evidently warranted an actual study, as I pointed out earlier. As you’ve noticed, this matter was approached in different ways by translators too. I personally think the most important factor is the fact Tamamizu refers to herself with this name in the final poem. This name is intimately tied to the distinctly female identity she took. Whoever she was in the beginning, by the end of the story she is clearly Tamamizu. If one felt particularly bold a case perhaps even be made that Tamamizu can be read as a trans woman based on this, perhaps. I think simply disregarding the brief reference to a male form is valid too, though. Even if these arguments were to be refuted fully, I would argue that there is a further reason why at the very least reinterpreting the story as dealing with a gay relationship is not against the spirit of the original work. As I outlined, the tale of Tamamizu seems to draw inspiration from a very specific genre of fox stories, in which foxes are essentially a metaphor for people seeking relationships which were frowned upon. Obviously, the fact that Tamamizu is not a human by default makes any relationship she would be involved in somewhat unusual and frowned upon, but that does not assign a different metaphorical meaning to her struggle. Is Tamamizu even really fully a fox and not a human at all by the time she writes the confession of her love, though? The old fox seems to basically dispute if she still thinks like an animal. We also know that she maintained her human form for so long her biological relatives assumed she had passed away. She also found acceptance of virtually every single human character in the story - save for herself, that is. It’s also not like it’s hard to reinterpret her struggle specifically with the inability to consummate the relationship through the lens of the medieval Buddhist views of female sexuality, rather than through the lens of the general view that relationships between human and transformed foxes were doomed to failure. To paraphrase Cynthia Eller’s evergreen quote about futile search for nonexistent matriarchal prehistory in ancient texts, I do not think an invented wlw past can give anyone a future, but at the same time I do not think it means we should conclude that nobody ever had similar experiences in the past, or that we can relate with works even in ways their authors did not intend. For this reason, I would ultimately argue in favor of embracing the Tale of Tamamizu as a narrative which can be read as a lesbian love story.

Bibliography

Bernard Faure, The Red Thread. Buddhist Approaches to Sexuality (please note: read this book very cautiously since multiple content warnings apply. Faure is a remarkably progressive author, so it’s not about his personal attitude or anything. The problem is that it is not possible to deny much of the Japanese Buddhist discourse about homosexuality had little to do with modern notion of gay relationships, and essentially amounts to explaining when exploitation of children is a pious act)

Rania Huntington, Alien Kind. Foxes and Late Imperial Chinese Narrative (some sort of explicit content warning applies here too, though mostly because some of the discussed works are trashy Qing period erotica. More funny than anything.)

Xiaofei Kang, The Cult of the Fox: Power, Gender, and Popular Religion in Late Imperial and Modern China

Keller Kimbrough and Haruo Shirane (eds.), Monsters, Animals, and Other Worlds. A Collection of Short Medieval Japanese Tales

Jacqueline Stone, Medieval Tendai hongaku thought and the new Kamakura Buddhism: A reconsideration

[annoyingflowerwitch]

Analysis of Krul Tepes

Personality and References

Her personality is clearly very similar to Vlad The Impaler, who is referenced to in a certain way along with her past.

In short, for those who don't know, he is also known as Vlad III. He is the second son of Vlad Dracul, the ruler of Wallachia. He is taken as a hostage at a young age after his father's defeat by the Ottomans. Although he was described as a person who would not even harm a bird at the time, as he grew up, he became known as the cruel ruler known today by harboring a grudge against the Ottomans.

Edit: I also want to leave the documentary/series I watched here. The Ottoman Empire and the conquest of Istanbul are also discussed and Vlad is covered in the second season. It’s called rise of empires: ottoman.

Her being cheerful as a child and being sold as a slave, her fierce temper and cruelty as a ruler. It's all a big reference to Vlad The Impaler and also an expression of what she's experienced. The anger she shows when anyone opposes her or does not submit is a result of the effects of the peasants rebelling against her family and being taken as slave when she was a child. She wants them to submit because she thinks it will backfire on her. She thinks that this will make them fall in line, she wants to control them. This is one of the reasons why she treats Mika like a dog in the first chapters. (Also Vlad the Third and Third Progenitor Krul lol)

Her other name as fallen angel, "Belial", also means independence, self-sufficiency, and personal accomplishment. Sounds very familiar? At this point, we have to give Kagami some credits because his recognition of his characters and the things they reference is pure fine work.

Story background

As for her main storyline, it mostly remains behind these panels. While her older brother Ashera is under Shikama's manipulations, Krul resists it with her own will. At this point, as mentioned in the Fanbook it makes sense why Shikama placed Arcane on her as a restraining device and didn't choose her as one of his apostles. I also think that one of the reasons for Urd's actions in last chapters is because he is also based on what Krul told him. At the end of the day, Krul tries to save Ashera but fails.

Centuries later, she goes to Japan to look for clues from her brother. Makes her own plans and in the process, eternal life seems like a torment to her. Just like Ferid, she gets bored with it and wants to die. During this time, Ferid observes and studies Krul when he is around her. He acts measured next to a vampire who is superior to him in almost every way. However, even though he calculates everything, he underestimates Krul's power, or rather, he does not expect it.

Background demeanours

Although we don't get much context throughout the manga, Krul is the fearsome and powerful vampire queen to the vampires in the background. While Lest Karr contesting with her in power at that time, she makes the vampires in his faction obey her.

Aside that she manipulates him and uses him for more selfish reasons, she sympathizes with Mika and gives him a chance to save Yuu. Even after Mika turned into a demon, she wants to see how much Yuu wants to save him because she thinks that it wouldn't be fair to what he went through.

Krul also realizes that Shinoa squad is wandering around and she wants to give them a purpose, which is abnormal for a vampire. Unfortunately, we don't get anything about this later but with Shinoa's behavior in the last chapters, it is clear that she is actually influencing them in some way to find their purpose.

[submissiveebrat]

When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything." He adds seconds later: "Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything." — Trump in a previously unreleased recording made by "Access Hollywood" in 2005, published Friday by The Washington Post and NBC News

"If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America #MakeAmericaGreatAgain." — Trump tweeted in April 2015. He later deleted the post.

"It must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees." — Trump to a female contestant in 2013 on an episode of "Celebrity Apprentice."

"Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?" — Trump tweeted in September 2016. He was referring to former Miss Universe winner Alicia Machado, whom he publicly shamed for gaining weight when he owned the contest

"It's certainly not groundbreaking news that the early victories by the women on 'The Apprentice' were, to a very large extent, dependent on their sex appeal." — Trump wrote in his 2004 book, "How To Get Rich."

"All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. A sexual dynamic is always present between people, unless you are asexual." — Trump, also from "How To Get Rich."

"You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever." — Trump in an interview with CNN in August 2015, referring to Fox News Channel anchor Megyn Kelly.

"Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president? I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not s'posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" — Trump in a September 2015 interview with Rolling Stone, speaking about then-primary rival Carly Fiorina.

"It doesn't really matter what (the media) write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass." — Trump in an interview with Esquire Magazine in 1991.

"A person who's flat-chested is very hard to be a 10, OK?" — Trump in an interview with shock jock Howard Stern in September 2005.

"I saw a woman who was totally beautiful. She was angry that so many men were calling her. 'How dare they call me! It's terrible! They're all looking at my breasts.' So she had a major breast reduction. The good news: Nobody calls her anymore — nobody even looks — and not only that, it was a terrible job." — Trump to Stern in 2008.

Congratulations America, this is who is now president AGAIN. A misogynist, sexist, vile pig. Good Job. 👏👏

[himboblackdragon]

Catalog of LBFaD drama name origins

Mythology -> book -> drama

Dongfang Qingcang / 东方青苍: The origins of this name are hotly contested, and to be honest the only hypothesis I remember is the Azure Dragon of the East. East being "Dongfang," and the dragon itself being alternatively called "Qing long" and "Cang long." (x)

Haotian Tower / 昊天塔: The tower where DFQC was imprisoned in, in both media. There's no Haotian Tower in mythology, but "Haotian God" is one of the names of the emperor of heaven. (x)

Ninth You / Jiuyou / 九幽: One name for the mythological netherworld, the capital city of the Moon Tribe in the drama. The capital city of the devil tribe in the book. (x)

Sansheng / 三生: The name comes from the "Three Lives Stone" (sansheng shi 三生石), which represents a lot of things in Chinese tradition, but probably the most salient being a rock in the underworld near the Oblivion River. In the novel universe, the rock is graffitied with the names of the ones the dead passing by wished to see most. The stone seems to have transformed into human form in the first book of the series, succinctly titled Sansheng, which tells the love story between Sansheng and Moxi, the novelverse God of War. (x)

Siming / 司命: A folk god, and usually male, who oversees human fates. In the CLJ novel she is responsible for writing the Fate Books. (x)

Xirang / 息壤: Mythological self-expanding-and-growing soil. Although it plays a key role in the book, it only appears in a throwaway line in the drama, when Changheng suggests building XLH a new body out of it. (x)

Mythology/literature/history -> drama

Chengying Sword / 承影剑: One of the ten famous swords of China, in historical and literary tradition. From the Spring and Autumn Period. (x)

Chonghua / 重华: Chonghua is the given name of a legendary emperor of China. (x)

Haotian Matrix / 昊天阵: "Haotian God" is one of the names of the emperor of heaven. (x)

Hellfire / 业火: A Buddhist concept, the fires of karma. (I'm pretty vague on what it actually is and where it exists.) In the book, DFQC's powerful fire is usually just called "raging flames" (lieyan 烈焰), and it's red instead of blue. (x)

Liyuan / 澧沅: Li and Yuan are two of the four big rivers that flow through Hunan. Coincidentally, also the names of two of the four rivers that flow into Shuiyuntian, that flooded when DFQC broke the pearl. (x)

Love Tree / Seven-Emotions Tree / 七情树: The name "seven-emotions tree" comes from the phrase "seven emotions and six desires," (qi qing liu yu 七情六欲). The exact emotions and desires this refers to differ based on school of thought. (x)

Lord Dong / 东君: A deity often paired with Yunzhong-jun as one of the two primordial gods. Seems to be a sun deity. His name literally means "Lord East." (x)

Lord Yunzhong / 云中君: A god from mythology, often paired with Lord Dong as one of the two primordial gods. Sometimes interpreted as a woman. (x)

Oblivion River / Wang Chuan / 忘川: A river in the land of the dead. To cross it, you must first drink a soup that makes you forget your past lives. (x)

Qu Shui / 曲水: Literally "winding waters," the name of Xiao Run's pageboy might come from the upper-class drinking game "Qu Shui Liu Shang" 曲水流觞, in which players "wait by a winding stream and compose poems before their cups full of rice wine float down to reach them." His nickname Ququ'r is phonetically very similar and means cricket. (x x)

Return to Ruin Realm / Guixu Zhi Jing / 归墟之境: "Guixu" was a place far to the east, that every body of water eventually emptied into. The characters break down into "return (to)" and "ruins." The "Zhi Jing" makes it "Region of Guixu" or "Guixu Area." (x)

Tai Sui / 太岁: A folk deity, but not necessarily evil. (x)

Xuanwu God / 古神灵玄武: Xuanwu is a constellation representing a tortoise-snake spirit. (x)

Xunfeng / 巽风: His name most likely comes from the "xun" trigram of the Eight Trigrams, of which the element is wind, or "feng." (x)

Yingzhao / 英招: Legendary creature that has the body of a horse, the face of a man, stripes like a tiger, and wings of a bird. Not like our waddling ball of fur at all. (x)

Yunmeng Lake / 云梦泽: One of the largest lakes in China in ancient times, now mostly nonexistent. (x)

Book -> drama

Bone Orchid / Gu Lan / 骨兰: It has more of a dried-vine aesthetic in the book.

Chidi Nüzi / 赤地女子: The god of war of the heavenly realm, in both media. DFQC's nemesis and the object of A'Hao's obsession.

Dayu Battalion / 大庾兵: Only mentioned once in the drama, along with the Tieyu Battalion 铁羽兵, as forces that Shangque has mobilized in response to Xunfeng's insurrection. Dayu's the name of DFQC's adorable (to me) pet sky/sea serpent.

Destruction of Heaven / Ruins of Ten Thousand Heavens / Wan Tian Zhi Xu / 万天之墟: A formless place where Siming can be found, in both the drama and the book. The book series further specifies that the Destruction of Heaven sits above the Three Realms and the Endless Desolate City (无极慌城 wu ji huang cheng) below.

Dieyi / 蝶衣: Ronghao's loyal right-hand woman is also present in the book.

Fairy Execution Platform / Zhu Xian Tai / 诛仙台: Where Changheng is to be executed after talking back to Yunzhong. In the book this was a platform over a mass of the book equivalent to evil qi/suiqi, which XLH was cast off from, almost getting eaten alive by the evil qi.

Fate Books / Mingbu / 命簿: The combination of these two characters seem to be an invention of the novel, and are records of the destinies of living people collected and administered by the land of the dead.

Fate Tree / Mingge Shu / 命格树: "Mingge," in both the novelverse and in the Love You Seven Times drama, are the stories high immortals (in CLJ's case, Siming) write to direct the fate of mortals. I'm not clear on the distinction between mingbu and mingge in the CLJ book.

Lucheng / 鹿城: In the book, a militarily important city of the Jin Dynasty, although the drama has styled it more into the Tang Dynasty, some thousand-plus years later.

Ronghao / 容昊: In the book, the wheelchair-bound master of the demon commerce city who's later revealed to be Chidi's obsessed student. We're not given the first character of his name in the book; it only ever calls him A'Hao.

Shangque / 觞阙: The name of the prime minister of the devil realm in the book, horrified by DFQC's erratic behavior while his body is being partially controlled by XLH. Show!Shangque's personality likely came from Dayu, Book!DFQC's overpowered flying serpent who follows him around like a loyal dog.

Shuofeng Sword / 朔风剑: "Cold northwest wind" sword, it's Chidi Nüzi's weapon in the book and the drama. It stays in sword form in the book, but becomes a geographical feature and a seal in the show.

Thousand Dreamland / Thousandfold Illusion / 千重幻境: A realm of endless very similar illusions that Ronghao/A'Hao tries to trap DFQC in to prevent him from finding XLH, in both media.

Xiao Lan Hua / Orchid / 小兰花: Our heroine!

Xie Wanqing / 谢惋卿: One of Chidi Nüzi's mortal incarnations in both media. However, in the book she is a general who's betrayed by the man she loves, an ordinary mortal, while XLH and DFQC watch.

Misc

Changheng / 长珩: Changheng's not in the book, but the book does have a troublemaker by the name of Changming 长命 who is DFQC's biggest "love rival" (he's like ten years old), and I wonder if the "Chang" part of Changheng's name comes from Changming.

Flying Fairy Pavilion / Life-Ending Pavilion / 飞仙阁: A reference to Xie Wanqing's real identity as the Fairy God of War. Also a euphemism for death.

Haishi / 海市: Conceptually, comes from the demon/nature sprite city, yaoshi 妖市, in the book. For the drama they got rid of the demon part and called it Haishi, Sea City.

Tongyun / 彤云: Xie Wanqing's maid, and an actual word that refers to red clouds or "dark clouds before snow." (x)

Xiao Run / 萧润: I'm not sure the Run part of his name is a reference to anything, but the Xiao is probably there to make the Xiao-lang wordplay work. (x)

Yannü 盐女 and Cangyan Sea 苍盐海: The "yan" is the same as in "Yannü." Which came first, I wonder? (The "cang" is the same as in Dongfang Qingcang.)

Sans Data

I do not know any special origins of, or was too lazy to look up:

Black Sash 黑杀斩, Bone-Devouring Spikes / Frost-Salt Nails 噬骨霜盐钉, Cangyan Sea 苍盐海, Changle Street, Cloud Shadow Mirror 云影镜, Danyin 丹音, Dark Pine Forest 暗松林, Dream of Nine Serenities / Jiuyou Dream 九幽一梦, Eternal Flame 长明火, Evil Qi / Suiqi 祟气, Firefly stone 奇幻流萤石, Fountain Palace 涌泉宫, Four-Water Pearl 四水宝珠, Fuju Cave 弗居洞, Glazefire 琉璃火, Granny Tie 铁婆婆, Green Flame Wine 绿焰酒, Hall of Divine Waters / Shenshui Ting 神水厅, Heart-Hidden Pin 藏心簪, Hidden Treasures Shop 藏珠斋, Jieli 结黎, Jinling, Jingyiya Teahouse 静逸雅轩, Karma Jail / Karma-Spanning Abyss 渡业渊, Liufang Pavilion 留芳阁, Night-Stream Building 夜溪楼, Northern Sea / Beiming 北溟, Primordial spirit 元神, Qingchuan 青川, Ranxi Flower 燃犀花, Shaking Light Peak 摇光峰, Shuiyuntian 水云天, Shuyu Forest 漱玉林, Silent Moon Palace / Jiyue Palace 寂月宫, Silver Lake 银湖, Soul Transformation Cauldron 化魂鼎, Soul Transformation Grounds 化魂墟, Southern Fairyland / Extreme South Fairy Continent 南极仙洲, Spirit Lock Gate 灵锁门, Spirit-Shattering Abyss 碎灵渊, Spirit Stones 灵石, Tianji Mirror 天极镜, Universe Pills 无极乾坤丹, Wind Prison 风牢, Wind Warriors, Wuqi 巫芑, Wuxian Clan / Witch-Salty Clan 巫咸族, Xilan 息兰, Xingluo 星落, Xishan 息山, Xiyun 息芸, Xuanshuang Whip 玄霜神鞭, Xuanxu Realm / Mysterious Realm 玄虚之境, You Jade Ring 幽玉戒, Yujing 玉京

Much thanks to sassybluee's Reference for Fic Writers.

This post is subject to change. Additions, corrections, and discussion welcome.

[zukosdualdao]

i promise i'll do better (i will soften every edge)

zutara month, day 11: "mom and dad are fighting again", @zutaramonth

summary: kya interrupts an argument between katara and zuko.

warnings: reference to (implied) abuse/domestic violence, wrt to ozai's treatment of ursa.

other notes: lyrics from 'light' by sleeping at last. don't ask me how timelines work idk. yes there is a zutara daughter named kya here (separate entity from the lok kya.) she wears her hair in a southern water tribe braid and zuko calls her firecracker and it’s very cute. not really relevant but in this story i’m imagining she’s a nonbender.

“Katara, you know I agree with you.”

Across from him, she crosses her arms, and Zuko sighs. The throne room is empty, save for the two of them, and Zuko feels trapped, claustrophobic in the walls. They’ve made a point of opening up windows in the castle, letting light filter in, getting rid of old, haunting portraits, and making something new and beautiful together. 

But the throne room doesn’t have windows to open. On a day like today, at times like these, it’s all too easy to remember the staunchly severe figures both his grandfather and father made here, walling themselves as they did behind high, towering fires.

Maybe they shouldn’t be having this talk here. It's too late now, but something to note for the future.

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

“Of course I want to increase reparations soon,” he insists. “That’s the plan, and that’s always been the plan. But we have to be smart about this,” he tries to remind her. “We can’t do it all at once, or people will try to block—”

“Oh, so now you’re all about thinking things through! Those instincts could have served you well years ago, you know.”

Zuko closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. The words are biting, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. Things have been tense again in the Fire Nation lately. Better than ever before in some ways. Worse in others.

The first years after the war were a turbulent time in the Fire Nation—riots from those not happy with the changing of the old guard, strikes from workers contesting the need to pay reparations to the other nations, whispers of loyalists to the old regime plotting to get either Ozai or Azula back on the throne. A few assassination attempts, all handled efficiently but reason enough for concern.

Ten years past the end of the war, though, and things have started to stabilize. The plan has always been to increase reparations once the Fire Nation’s economy has improved, and Zuko intends to keep his word. But part of the system he’s trying to build means that there are representatives from all over the Fire Nation, as well as the other nations, and they each have their own agendas. It’s a tricky thing to navigate; he has to take all of their concerns seriously, of course, but also act according to his own principles. To live up to the promises he made years ago, and that he’ll continue to make for years to come.

Katara looks at him with a combative raise of her eyebrow.

It’s taken a strain on their relationship. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, they’re both a little too good at lashing out, both a little too good at saying the thing that will hurt, even if they immediately regret it.

But usually, by the end of the day if not before, they can remember they’re on the same side, for all that their perspectives might differ.

“Can we pause?” Zuko asks of her, and her features soften. “Just—try to hear each other out? Katara, I understand…” but before he can finish, the large door to the throne room creaks, and Zuko watches as one of the serving maids guides their daughter into the room.

“See?” Kya points to them, eyes wide with alarm and lip quivering. “Mom and Dad are fighting again.”

Something in Zuko’s stomach drops. He doesn’t want her to worry about this. About them. He’d had to worry about his parents, to worry about his mother, Ozai looming over her, and sometimes Zuko was pretty sure he saw fear in her eyes where there should have been love, and then—

She’d been gone. And he’d drawn his own conclusions, quietly and with little reason to question them.

“She coudn’t sleep,” Hina says apologetically, and Zuko only waves a hand. “She was asking for you both.”

“Thank you for bringing her.”

“Oh, sweetie, don’t worry,” Katara says, walking over and lifting Kya up onto her hip. “Things are just tense right now,” she says, with a guilty sideways look to Zuko, who smiles weakly. “It’s not anything for you to worry about.”

“Promise?”

Zuko walks over to join the huddle and places a kiss atop her dark hair, which is twisted in a braid. “Promise, little firecracker. Mom and Dad are just trying to figure out the right way to handle something.” He meets Katara’s eyes and tries to impress the sincerity of his words on her. “But we will figure it out. We always do.”

Katara smiles at him and uses the hand not keeping Kya secure on her hip to touch the small of Zuko’s back in a gentle gesture. The three of them stand huddled together, and for the first time in… weeks, probably, Zuko feels his body relax, just a little.

He smiles back, a little exhausted but a lot relieved—to have Katara with him, there to both challenge and support him, to have Kya with them, creative and funny and quick as a whip as she is, and at only age four. He’s glad to have his family.

They are okay. Right now, they are okay. Whatever else may come.

[lemonxlimee]

YIPPEE! tw cw trigger warning (/reference) lairy (<- theyre bad they suck). unrelated im so normal about solar eclipse chonny jash :DDDD

not enough lairy asks on here. i think they should be worse :)

the kidnapper x victim dynamic is Interesting it adds an entire new level of emotional turmoil. it sucks for liam so so bad. So Bad. both ways- if it’s unrequited and if it isn’t. airy has a certain obliviousness about him that’s interesting. it definitely doesn’t absolve him of a single thing but it’s interesting. liam hesitating to actually kill airy, he wants airy alive, despite everything. characters growing to care for each other despite the baggage between them……

hm. it’s just! airy isn’t malevolent, and despite all the bad he did he Has an Excuse. an /excuse/. he needs help, definitely. needs to escape the plane, needs human connection.

liam likes seeing airy smile more and act like he’s real regardless of romantic inclinations, and hates himself for that. starts going out of his way to make airy smile in an act he would never admit to himself, never put into words. airy just needs liam’s arm around his shoulder to steady him. he just needs to sit next to airy at the computer so airy doesn’t commit atrocities, that’s all. he asks to help with the reeds to get stronger and beat airy with the axe, in the future, definitely. it’s all completely fine and normal. maybe airy notices and maybe airy tells him he’s glad liam doesn’t hate him anymore, and liam sits there, feeling so horrible about himself he’s nauseous. sits by the river and thinks (i like to think that before liam would take airy out to sit by the river and watch the sun rise and now this feels like a mockery, and now he feels lonely, no other word for it). romantic inclinations have compromised him after all. he shouldn’t be the one here.

the thing is, regardless of how liam feels about airy he’s still unfortunately forced to hang around him, even if just so he doesn’t kill people. so even if liam hates him or loves him or hates him and also loves him(- which he does, at times) he still has to watch him. eventually he works through his feelings, simply because he must.

anyway airy is completely content with liam’s existence. if liam ever gets closer he savors it. he falls for liam’s manipulation- if it exists- so easily, never questions any of it. he’s happier. he’s happier than he’s ever been in years. :(

i like to think, through slow erosion, liam gets through to airy. maybe at first it’s just ‘this would make me happy’. or just ‘if you do this i will do that’. i like to think eventually airy catches onto the idea of morals. it has to sink in. eventually it does. eventually airy realizes what he’s done. eventually he asks liam if he should let go of the contestants, and then asks liam what they should do now.

liam’s succeeded and it’s just through. being there for airy.

they probably go to san francisco and figure out how to live together and then bryce gets in touch with liam and liam accidentally slips airy lives with him now and bryce asks him if he’s a kidnapper fucker as a joke and then liam smashes his phone. you know, normal things

oh right i accidentally made them good. fuck. anyway imagine liam under the duress of airy being a kidnapper, having to deal with his attraction. there’s something about liam having to deal with his own attraction too. maybe liam starts hurting airy as a punishment for what he’s done. maybe he never stops. maybe he enjoys it. maybe he manipulates airy and finds a way past his guard to help the contestants without his knowledge and likes it, and likes how airy will let him do almost anything.

and you KNOW, you KNOW if liam hurt airy airy would soak it up, because any touch is better than nothing. at least liam wants him. if this is the only touch he will impart, airy will take what he can get. he needs the attention. he likes the way liam smiles when he’s hurt.

airy just wants people to be happy even if it’s the worst ever……

also just. airy hurting liam and liam hurting airy in an infinite cycle. airy keeps encouraging what liam does to him. and maybe liam wouldn’t have done it in any other circumstance but that’s then and this is now- and he can’t justify it further except airy deserves this, right? it’s not about whether airy likes it. (it’s not about that he likes it. it’s not about how whenever liam starts airy asks for it and he asks for it in such a way that liam can’t help but-)

airy encouraging liam’s hatred.

the way airy is in general it’d suck for liam so bad……

anyway airy eroding liam so that they’re perfect for each other (derogatory)

Holynshit /pos

It's beautiful

Youve captured them perfectly to me

(Unrelated but,,, is solar eclipse a ship name....... becaus)