#and also paralytic states by against me

[absolute-lithops-effecting]

You know how there are songs that make you want to write their lyrics angrily on a wall? Or am i just insane

[ofspiesandsunshine]

The paralytic was slow-acting but Nick could feel it working. The feeling in his lower extremities went first. It was one thing to see his legs, to know that they were there but it was disconcerting not being able to move them without outside influences. Mace and her merry band of idiots had left mere moments before, the promise of his impending abduction before being tossed into a black site still ringing in his ears. He knew he had to act fast but that was clearly impossible with that damn snake venom sinking its fangs into his veins. A short burst of vibration from his back pocket alerted him that his phone was still on his person. Anger burned through him at not being able to use it. His hands twitched in vain as he tried to move them but he had no such luck. So there he sat, alone in his condo, waiting for that supposed low dose of poison to reach his heart. He knew regardless of who was coming to take him away, the reality was that he would be long dead before anyone could do anything about it.

The loud bang of someone kicking a door in startled him, but his body remained in a state of forced calm. He could only blink in confusion when a single man in tac gear and a mask slowly checked the living room with a silenced gun in his hand. He tried to speak but only the gurgling in his throat could be heard. He could only watch as the man then raced toward him before feeling around his thighs. He looked on in horror as the man dropped his gun only to replace it with a handheld device with a thick needle attached. Without any warning, he felt the sharp point pierce its way into his right thigh. He breathed out shallowly in relief as some kind of cool fluid was released into the thick muscle. The movement in his hands came back first before what he knew now was the antidote froze out any and all traces of the venom in his system. Groaning, he keeled over into the mysterious intruder’s embrace. It was then that he registered words being whispered into his ear.

“You’re alright, sunshine. I’ve got you.”

Nick stiffened slightly, he knew that voice. He also knew that only one person dared to call him by that stupid little nickname. “Lloyd?”

“You back with me, sugar?”

Pulling back to look at the man he hadn’t seen in weeks, confusion marred his features. “What are you doing here?”

“You really think I was going to leave you here to be whisked away to fuckin’ Timbuctoo or some shit?” Lloyd bit out. 

“How did you even—

“Know?” Lloyd asked, cutting him off. “Baby, I’ve been bugging your apartments since the last time you left me.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed at the pet name, he was no one’s baby. “I told you not to call me that.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, so you keep reminding me sunshine. You could be though, my baby that is, if you stopped fuckin’ around with that bitch and let a real man like me take care of you.”

A laugh bubbled out of his throat at that. Lloyd was a piece of work but for some reason, he just kept crawling back to him. Perhaps it was the third leg the man had hidden in his tac pants.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing.” Lloyd rolled his eyes. “I warned you about Mace and yet you went after her like a damn fool. She threw me under the bus one time and I kicked her ass to the curb. Haven’t looked back since.”

“I guess this is your way of saying ‘I told you so’?” Nick asked as he flexed his hands before bracing himself against Lloyd to try and stand.

“Of course not, sunshine. Just that we should never share exes again and you should probably kill her on site the next time you see her. Whatever you two had was toxic anyway.”

“So now you’re going to try and convince me that we should also be on again,” he said trailing his freshly moveable hand up Lloyd’s chest.

“I thought that was obvious, baby. This on again off again shit is for losers!”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he looked up at Lloyd through his lashes before mumbling against the crazy man’s lips. “I may have missed you a little…”

Part 2 [coming soon]

[depresstrogen]

ANNOUNCEMENT: An Analysis of Transgender Dysphoria Blues

On May 24, 2012, Rolling Stone introduced Laura Jane Grace to the world. Laura was already a well-established figure in punk music (for better or for worse) for her role as the lead member of Against Me!, but she was known by a different name and as a different gender. While not the only high-profile transgender musical artist in history (Wendy Carlos and Kim Petras come to mind), Laura is one of the biggest, and she has gone on to inspire thousands of trans people, punks, and trans punks (such as myself).

2 years after the Rolling Stone article, Against Me! released Transgender Dysphoria Blues, a landmark album in the history of queer music. So, I thought that, in honor of the start of pride month, I would finally get started on a project I've been thinking about for a while: a complete lyrical and musical breakdown and analysis of TDB. I intend to interpret TDB as a concept album telling two simultaneous stories, one Laura's own story of coming out and the other the story of a trans sex worker. This is a large project, so it will come in the form of 5 essays:

(Brief content warning here (there will be more detailed ones at the start of each essay) for discussion of transphobia, familial rejection and trauma, death, and suicide, and for use of anti-trans and generally anti-queer slurs)

Part 1 - Prologue: A brief overview of Laura's career up until the release of TDB through quotes from Laura's autobiography Tranny and the analysis of 4 pre-TDB songs: The Disco Before the Breakdown, Pretty Girls (The Mover), Searching For a Former Clarity, and The Ocean.

Part 2 - Introduction: Laura introduces both herself and the main character of the album (who I'm calling the True Trans Soul Rebel, or just the Rebel for short) through the first two tracks, Transgender Dysphoria Blues and True Trans Soul Rebel.

Part 3 - Rejection: Laura and the Rebel both deal with discrimination, rejection, and even violence from family, friends, and society at large on the next three tracks, Unconditional Love, Drinking with the Jocks, and Osama Bin Laden as the Crucified Christ.

Part 4 - Loss: Mounting anxiety and insecurity comes to a head for both Laura and the Rebel as they both lose friends and lovers and are left contemplating loss and death on the tracks Fuckmylife666, Dead Friend, and Two Coffins.

Part 5 - Death and Rebirth: The Rebel hits rock bottom and commits suicide on new years' eve on the penultimate track Paralytic States, but on the same evening Laura, also close to giving in, finally decides to come out to the world as she eulogizes the Rebel on the final track Black Me Out.

[shingekinomyfeelings]

Okay, so. It's actually kind of funny that this post came across my dash this afternoon because I was kind of already thinking about this shit. I guess I should say tw: parental abuse? I'm keeping it as vague as I usually do, but if the concept is unduly upsetting, probably don't read this.

SOMETIMES it takes the buzz of physical exhaustion to make me look at my emotional/psychological exhaustion more objectively, and the last few weeks have definitely been emotionally exhausting. Even the prospect of finally moving out in spring (with the help from some friends who I finally agreed to let help me) is anxiety inducing in an almost paralytic way. There's so much to accomplish and so much that has to fall into place for it to work, and I don't want to invest too heavily in the certainty that I'll be able to do it, because then if I can't, I'll just feel worse than if I retain a bit of healthy pessimism. I know that sounds extremely fucking stupid. But I'm also excited about what can happen if it DOES work out.

A few months back, I was talking with a friend about my father trying to help one of his employees who was trapped in an abusive relationship. My friend expressed aggravation at the employee's erratic decisions, and her insistence on being 'fair' to her abuser. I said I didn't really feel too mad at her about it, because she was in such a fucked up mental state - and had been for many months - that she couldn't look at her own trauma objectively. It's pretty common, and as much as I hate to admit it, I fall into that trap a lot too.

It's not a secret that I don't like myself much. The degree to which I dislike myself might fluctuate depending on the current situation, but honestly, there's never really been a time that there was an absence of dislike.

And sometimes, I can look at it objectively and see it's no mystery why that is. Of course there have been other factors, but the brunt of it has always been my family, and even now that one of my brothers has functionally disowned me since five years ago, and my father's anger issues have been sanded down by stress, being in this house means it's impossible to escape the constant conditioning from my mother.

And sometimes I can say, of course I'm kind of fucked up, of course I always feel like most people kind of want to slap me, of course I'm always braced for a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response.

She's told me outright enough times that I'm her problem, her source of all contention, the person she's built a fucked up mental image of as just bad - selfish, mean, lazy, a liar, always out to spite her, always up to some nebulous badness -- she doesn't even need to say it anymore for it to be implicit in the way she slams her fists on anything in arm's reach, stomps her feet, slaps her face so loudly you can hear it from across the room, and lumps dramatically against the wall when I speak or ask her a question at least once on a daily basis, the way her voice when she addresses me is nearly always the kind of voice most people reserve for someone who's been trailing behind them being annoying for days on end.

It's been that way for most of my life, and with the social isolation in recent years, the vast bulk of my in-person human interactions are... that. There have only been a few years out of 38 during which I was far away from here. When have I really had the freedom not to feel like this?

And it might feel like it's my life's normal, but it's really fucking not normal. And sometimes I'm very aware of that.

The thing I can never shake though is that every time a friend stops being a friend, or when I think about the people who truly don't like being around me or dealing with me, it always feels like a confirmation that every awful thing she sees in me really is there.

I really want to find out if that goes away once I'm far away from her for good. I hope you guys will keep your fingers crossed for me, or sacrifice a virgin to the Job in a Different City gods, and that by this time next year, I'll be a little closer to hating myself a lot less.

[blackwood4stucky]

of spies and sunshine | aspen blackwood

lloyd hansen x nick fowler | gray man x 355 fusion au

masterpost | mini playlist | official series here

🆃 | word count: 750 | complete

The paralytic was slow-acting but Nick could feel it working. The feeling in his lower extremities went first. It was one thing to see his legs, to know that they were there but it was disconcerting not being able to move them without outside influences. Mace and her merry band of idiots had left mere moments before, the promise of his impending abduction before being tossed into a black site still ringing in his ears. He knew he had to act fast but that was clearly impossible with that damn snake venom sinking its fangs into his veins. A short burst of vibration from his back pocket alerted him that his phone was still on his person. Anger burned through him at not being able to use it. His hands twitched in vain as he tried to move them but he had no such luck. So there he sat, alone in his condo, waiting for that supposed low dose of poison to reach his heart. He knew regardless of who was coming to take him away, the reality was that he would be long dead before anyone could do anything about it.

The loud bang of someone kicking a door in startled him, but his body remained in a state of forced calm. He could only blink in confusion when a single man in tac gear and a mask slowly checked the living room with a silenced gun in his hand. He tried to speak but only the gurgling in his throat could be heard. He could only watch as the man then raced toward him before feeling around his thighs. He looked on in horror as the man dropped his gun only to replace it with a handheld device with a thick needle attached. Without any warning, he felt the sharp point pierce its way into his right thigh. He breathed out shallowly in relief as some kind of cool fluid was released into the thick muscle. The movement in his hands came back first before what he knew now was the antidote froze out any and all traces of the venom in his system. Groaning, he keeled over into the mysterious intruder’s embrace. It was then that he registered words being whispered into his ear.

“You’re alright, sunshine. I’ve got you.”

Nick stiffened slightly, he knew that voice. He also knew that only one person dared to call him by that stupid little nickname. “Lloyd?”

“You back with me, sugar?”

Pulling back to look at the man he hadn’t seen in weeks, confusion marred his features. “What are you doing here?”

“You really think I was going to leave you here to be whisked away to fuckin’ Timbuctoo or some shit?” Lloyd bit out. 

“How did you even—

“Know?” Lloyd asked, cutting him off. “Baby, I’ve been bugging your apartments since the last time you left me.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed at the pet name, he was no one’s baby. “I told you not to call me that.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, so you keep reminding me sunshine. You could be though, my baby that is, if you stopped fuckin’ around with that bitch and let a real man like me take care of you.”

A laugh bubbled out of his throat at that. Lloyd was a piece of work but for some reason, he just kept crawling back to him. Perhaps it was the third leg the man had hidden in his pants.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing.” Lloyd rolled his eyes. “I warned you about Mace and yet you went after her like a damn fool. She threw me under the bus one time and I kicked her ass to the curb. Haven’t looked back since.”

“I guess this is your way of saying ‘I told you so’?” Nick asked as he flexed his hands before bracing himself against Lloyd to try and stand.

“Of course not, sunshine. Just that we should never share exes again and you should probably kill her on site the next time you see her. Whatever you two had was toxic anyway.”

“I guess now you’re going to try and convince me that we should also be on again,” he said trailing his freshly moveable hand up Lloyd’s chest.

“I thought that was obvious, baby. This on again off again shit is for losers!”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he looked up at Lloyd through his lashes before mumbling against the crazy man’s lips. “I may have missed you a little…”

[unpairedbracket]

So it looks like @yoshihashismattebum, @thepenultimaterolo, and @thewaythroughthewoods have stood in front of a mirror and said my URL three times, compelling me to break my vow of silence and produce one (1) "post" on this "blog". My task is to spell out my URL with song titles

TL:DR - here's a playlist

Side A (don't worry about it)

Unacceptable - Bad Religion

Never Fight a Man With a Perm - IDLES

Paralytic States - Against Me!

Aneurysm - Nirvana (1)

I checked your cellphone - Otoboke Beaver (2)

Rollercoaster - Lauran Hibberd

Extraordinary Girl/Letterbomb - Green Day (3)

Dragon - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (4)

ballad of a homeschooled girl - Olivia Rodrigo (5)

Red Wine Supernova - Chappell Roan (6)

Art of Dying, The - Gojira (7)

Crying in Amsterdam - Sløtface

Knights of Cydonia - Muse (8)

Edmonton - PUP (9)

These Spectacles Reveal the Nostalgics - The Hives

Liner Notes

There seem to be two studio versions and lots of live versions of this; the one I'm thinking of is the studio version that was the B-side to Smells Like Teen Spirit, but the live versions I've heard are also good. Not so keen on the Incesticide version though

Or in Japanese, 携帯みてしまいました by おとぼけビ～バ～

Extraordinary Girl is, imo, one of the weaker tracks on American Idiot, but Letterbomb is probably my favourite (sub-9-minute) song on that album so I figured I'd take advantage of the weird way the track listing is arranged to sneak an L in here

King Gizz are bonkers good but a lot of their music isn't really my jam, genre-wise. This is one occasion where they made an album in a genre I like, and the results are excellent. 16th note double kick drumming at 145bpm for 40+ bars straight? Nice. Vocals in four different octaves? Of course. Two verses of chanting in Latin? Why not?

I'm not the only person I know who's mistaken the intro to this for a PUP intro. I don't think there's any other pop star I can say that of.

Yeah this is a repeat from the lists of two of the people who nominated me for this. Well-deserved.

If I said 3 songs back that King Gizzard's drumming was impressive, Mario Duplantier's is inhuman. I've seen a 10-minute video essay about what polyrhythm he's even drumming in the intro, and the kick drumming on the chorus is like 40% faster than on Dragon. Wild stuff.

I feel like Muse work best in the "horseshoe theory" region of a scale from sublime to ridiculous, and this song is a good example

This is from one of the two EPs that soundtracked a locked-down 2021 for me - very cathartic, and much-needed at the time

Side B (A.K.A you should have worried about it)

Ur Mum - Wet Leg

New Born - Muse

Passport - Sløtface

Alone at Home - Jonathan Coulton

Ignoreland - REM

Reject - Green Day

Everlong - Foo Fighters

D-7 - Nirvana (1)

Bulls on Parade - Rage Against the Machine/Denzel Curry (2)

Red Light - The Regrettes

A.K.A. I-D-I-O-T - The Hives

Coast, The - PUP (3)

Kyoto Now! - Bad Religion (4)

EAT - Poppy (5)

Toxicity - System of a Down (6)

Liner Notes

It's a cover of a song by The Wipers (you didn't think I was going to choose a normal Nirvana song, did you?) As far as I can tell Nirvana never released a studio recording, so I'm treating the version recorded live at the BBC as my canonical version

Couldn't choose between the original version and Denzel Curry's cover here. I'd highly recommend seeking out Denzel's version if you've not heard it before, so that's the version I've put on the playlist. The youtube video is still worth watching as well though.

The vibes of this song are brilliantly creepy. Final few lines give me chills every time. Apparently it's based on an old Inuit story the singer's parents terrified him with as a child, which is cool!

This is a brilliant climate protest song. Actually, the Bad Religion song on Side A is also an environmental protest song, released 12 years earlier. Nothing changes, does it?

This is the title track from the other EP that soundtracked my 2021. I think it's the first time I remember hearing Poppy going fully into metalcore screaming and I love it

This is maybe a bit of a basic pick for a SOaD song? I nearly went for Tentative instead because Mezmerize/Hypnotize were my first of their albums as a teenager; but decided that I do actually think Toxicity is the better song

I've been lucky enough to see some of the artists on my list perform live - those artists are bolded in the listings. Sløtface are a special case - I had tickets to a show in March 2020, which didn't happen because they couldn't leave Norway and I couldn't leave my house. I've got tickets to see them later this year though, which is exciting!

As you can no doubt tell, I had a hard time fitting in everything I wanted to include - I ended up with a list of about 20 artists I wanted songs by, and only 15 letters in my URL.

I ended up with shortlists of 5+ songs starting with different relevant letters for some artists, so it took quite some shuffling to arrange everything in a way I was happy with. I even asked my combinatorialist friend if he could identify what sort of combinatorial optimisation problem I had on my hands (either a knapsack problem variant with a weird objective function, or maybe some kind of covering problem), but that didn't go anywhere so I ended up brute-forcing it.

Artist's impression of me brute-forcing it.

In the end I had two songs for some letters that I was unwilling to cut, so double list was the only thing for it. Struggled in the other direction with some of the repeated letters, but managed to get there in the end. Managed no artist repeats within a list and the only one repeated album across the whole thing. I'd consider all of these recommendations to also be album recommendations (apart from the few that aren't from an album)

My actual workings

You may notice if you are weird and look closely that a couple of songs here differ from what I've finished up with - there was flux going on right up until I actually wrote up this post!

Uhhhh everyone I know on here tagged me in the first place so... if you wanna do another one go for it I guess?

[maru-the-mareck]

tagged by: @azurejacques

rules: shuffle your on repeat playlist and list the first ten songs.

why am i doing this ? i dunno. im always a slut for music.

unlike floof i am not insane and thus do not listen to rain on spotify (???). my rain is all-natural. the list:

Peach — Pigeon Pit

Milo — Pigeon Pit

Paralytic States — Against Me!

Take Out — Pigeon Pit

A Song Dedicated to the Memory of Stormy the Rabbit — AJJ

Remember Me When You Sing — Stick and Poke

Dead Friend — Against Me!

tide pools (session) — Pigeon Pit

Survival Song — AJJ

Running — Stick and Poke

i like pigeon pit. and the esteemed genre 'folk punk' (youve probably never heard of it), and esp queer artists

peach is currently my favorite pigeon pit song, and tide pools. they remind me of friends. a lot of these songs do, actually.

recently ive been going thru my backlog of bands/albums and also using the discover weekly playlist. last week it gave sm bangers. this week not so much.

im not gonna tag ppl. my lineage ends here

[beyond-a-name]

Top five music albums of the 2010's :3

Oh god I have to actually think about what came out in the 2010s. Uhhhhhhhhhh

1. Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino by The Arctic Monkeys: This is one of the first times I really excitedly bought an album and listened to it as a cohesive artistic piece, rather than just as background music or something I got with family. It is one of the few albums I let take up the very limited storage on my phone, and it is the first album I was interested in enough to research its meaning and concept. 10/10

(Uhhh okay I gotta go look up some other albums I'll be back.) [Exit stage right]

[Some time passes.]

Okay I'm back and I have reviewed albums.

2. Unearthing the Sentience by Beyond Flesh: So first off, I discovered this album this year through a friend of mine, and I absolutely love it. It's a technical death metal producer duo that released this and another album (the other one came out in 2020 and so doesn't count for this :/). It is entirely instrumental, but each song is so distinct. It'll introduce a concept, put a few spins on it, then tie it all together in a beautiful conclusion. The songwriting methodology honestly reminds me of Super Mario level design (as laid out by GMTK on youtube) in its expressive focus. Half of the duo, Juan Carlos Hernández, has genuinely become one of my favourite artists of all time. I have not yet had the pleasure of exploring his whole discography, but what I have thus far listened to has been extraordinary. Every piece is an imaginative journey that I delight in being swept up in. If you want to enrich your musical tastes a little more, you can find more of his work spread out across a few different bandcamps (his dungeon synth/ambience/fantasy works, his doom metal project, and his other works) or check out the occasional work posted to his tumblr at @imsobadatnicknames2. The works are entirely prolific and delightful, and this album in particular has been one of few that's started me getting into more metal. 11/10

3. Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me: I also found this one this year, and it was recommended through another friend. Amazing punk music about being trans (and other topics, of course). I had shown great interest in punk culture and aesthetic approaches, but this was a really good deliberate foray into the music itself that resonated with me personally (I'm a trains). The album was released after the singer and frontwoman came out as a trans woman, and it heavily centres her experience in doing so in a way that is really provocative and heartfelt. Some of the songs seem, I guess the word is insecure? In a way I don't really resonate with, but I guess that's the point, isn't it? The first two songs, Transgender Dysphoria Blues and True Trans Soul Rebel, have been permanently etched into my heart. I also really like Paralytic States. Really good to listen to as a full album. 10/10

4. Morning Coffee Chillhop Lo Fi Electronic Mix by Various Artists: "But wait!" I hear you exclaim. "That's not an album, it's just a youtube lofi mix!" Yes. Anyway, this mix has been my absolute favourite since I first heard it, and it really kickstarted my exploration of lofi. Like before this I was checking it out, but upon hearing this, I was well and truly hooked. The first song overlays audio from a tv scene (I think it's twin peaks?) about rewarding yourself every day, ("Every day, give yourself a present,") and it's a lovely sentiment to begin an album a mix on. the use of additional audio throughout is typical for lofi, but it is used to great effect here to elevate the music it's played over rather than obscure it while rendering each song distinct. It was also the first time (or at least most memorable time) I heard something like that. I do not know the name of a single song on this mix, and if I ever lose access to it, I will kill everyone within a five kilometer radius. 10/10

5. Starbomb's Self-Titled Debut Album: This is a comedy album around video games composed of several Game Grumps members, and I bought it as a teenager and listened to it front to back maybe more times than I got a good night's sleep. I'm not really into Game Grumps anymore, and now I kind of tend to skip NSP (other Game Grumps-adjacent band) when it comes up on older playlists of mine. But like, I couldn't un-memorize this thing even if I wanted to, and it is somehow one of like 6 albums still on my phone (Tranquility Base was unwittingly bought on Google Play Music and did not outlast its end) even since getting a new phone. Even the Caravan Palace album, while it's still on my device, didn't soundtrack my teenagedom nearly as pervasively, and it does not stand out as much as the other entries here (you should still listen though). I can sing along flawlessly to every track, and it is lovingly catalogued by that dorky teenager I carry in me as I keep growing through adulthood. It's my alarms sometimes. I want to rate it lower, but I have loved it too entirely for too long. 10/10

Surprise Bonus Play!!!!!!!! (Woa!) (Honourable Mention)

6. Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 by The Flaming Lips: This one is maybe cheating a bit as it's a greatest hits album, but whatever. I initially bought this on impulse as a gift for a friend for his birthday (I bought myself one as well), and I fell in love with how silly the song names and premises were. We all loved it, and had a blast listening to it via his playstation, then later in the car when we went camping together. I genuinely did not realize that it might be a somewhat well-known band before I saw the inclusion of one of their songs in the game Hi-Fi Rush. (Hint: They are very well-known. They have many awards and a long history. Their discography has its own wikipedia article seperate from their main article. I didn't know any of this until I came to wrote this.) I especially like "She Don't Use Jelly," which aside from being very funny, also implies a delicious toast recipe which I wholeheartedly recommend everybody try. 10/10

[antiquesintheattic]

tagged by @jwowwsboobs for 5 songs and 6 albums i’ve been playing a lot !

roots bloody roots - sepultura

diabolical influence - margarita witch cult (lol)

escape from hellview - cky (also lol)

infected - bad religion

paralytic states - against me

tagging whoever wants to :)

[agalnamedlunasea]

Hi hi hi HELLO! @shslskaterboy tagged me to post 10 songs I've been listening to lately so uhhhhhhh here it is 👍

I have been loving the new FOB album so so much, since it got released, and this is one of my (four...) favorites!

It just sounds so good, I love the lyrics and Patrick's voice :>

MåneskinMåneskinMåneskinMåneskinMåneskin aaaa they're so good! The vibes here are so good, so sexy and cool and im absolutely obsessed with it

MORE MÅNESKIN bc they're so good. This one is more simple, but I like that about it. It really gets in my head and stays there. Also I absolutely want to eat the way they use guitars in every song and thus one is a good example imo

Yeah more fob. Watch me struggle in real time to not put all my faves from so much (for) stardust on here. I really like this one too, the lyrics really grab me lol

Last one I promise. This one just takes me to a particular moment in time, which I feel like the whole album does but this one in particular for me. I also really love the feel of the instrumentals? Idk how to describe really I just like it

Hajime song. To me. The animatic in my head is so good I prommy

Quick warning, this one focuses a lot on gender dysphoria (the album is 'gender dysphoria blues' so. Obvious. But still 👍)

Anyway this song is so fucking good and I love Laura jane grace's voice. Real tearing your guts out in pain vibes to the way she sings it its fantastic

Im never not gonna recommend this song actually its really good. The lyrics and the way it builds just really hits me aaaa its so good and more people should listen to it

I love more!jump!more! She is like caffeine to me :]

The last one is telecaster b boy and im putting the mv bc I think about it daily I love it so so much.... wonderlands x showtime my skrunklies...

Anyway,,, I am. Too tired to tag anyone, so I guess this ends w me. But tysm for tagging me James my best friend James :>

[juliens-bakery]

17 (for spotify wrapped) !!!

17. Paralytic States - Against Me!

oh my god!!!! i felt this one wayyyy too much this year for... reasons! also a a dream karaoke song in order to make all my friends very concerned

[all-the-fun-of-the-cirkus]

so here's every album i heard for the first time in 2023

grace under pressure (rush) - heard signals last year and loved it, so i thought i'd finally cracked rush. i have not cracked rush. it's the last two albums again, only not as good. best song - afterimage

the bends (radiohead) - i do not like 90s alt-rock, so i am very annoyed at how good this is. can't remember half the songs but as an album it works surprisingly well. best song - street spirit. or my iron lung if i'm in the mood

ok computer (radiohead) - a very good album! not enough classics to be the best album of all time!!!1!! i've come to see radiohead as possibly my favourite second-tier band; lots of great songs, not enough genuine genius. although the climbing up the walls/no surprises/lucky run of tracks is almost enough to convince me otherwise, bc this works really well as a cohesive album. the cacophony of fitter happier, electioneering and cutw makes no surprises sound like the most beautiful song on earth. best song - one of that run. probably lucky

king of limbs (radiohead) - three good songs on side two sandwiched within a load of dull noise. everything else off here sounds better live anyway; bloom in concert is just jawdropping, but this version's just enh. best song - give up the ghost

moon-shaped pool (look i was having a moment) - typical radiohead. lovely atmosphere, nothing offensive, just not enough great songs. best song - ful stop, although i'm warming to present tense

peter gabriel 1 (guess) - turns out sometimes you can just fuck around with no idea what you're doing and accidentally stumble into a pretty good album. best song - moribund the burgermeister (also best title)

hard promises (tom petty) - every petty album is three or four bangers and a load of enjoyable filler. best song - the waiting

a song for all seasons (renaissance) - perfectly listenable, and i haven't felt the desire to listen to anything off it since. best song - title track

the construkction of light (king crimson) - blah. self-ripoffs, monotonous, lifeless. get heavy construkction instead, everything from here comes to life and you get the best songs off thrak and some cool improvs too. best song - prozakc blues (yeah fuck you it's great)

transgender dysphoria blues (against me!) - shut up, i'm a cliche. pop punk is very much not my sort of thing, and most of this didn't leave as much of an impression as it has on a lot of people i know. one or two tracks did hurt, though. and the one-two punch of paralytic states and black me out is a nice way to round things out, i love black me out as a defiant "no things WILL get better if i have to fuck someone up to do it" closer. best song - true trans soul rebel

interview (gentle giant) - if anyone else listened to albums by against me! and gentle giant this year i'll be astonished lmao. anyway not the unlistenable trainwreck or complex masterwork people proclaim it to be, it actually feels kind of throwaway. all of the songs are okay (well, not convinced on timing or design) but together they don't quite work. best song - i lost my head, which absolutely rules

the missing piece (gentle giant) - this, however, absolutely warrants its reputation. best song - memories of old days

giant for a day! (gentle giant) - it's good! yeah, i said it! shame the only people who hear it are prog nerds, bc it's cheesy and dumb, and the lyrics are atrocious, but it's a solid pop album. best song - thank you (my version of the album has single edits as bonus tracks that shave a minute off this and words from the wise, and i think it's to both their benefits)

ode to quetzalcoatl (dave bixby) - it's fascinating how much more interesting hardcore christian folk becomes when you realise the singer's trying to convince himself just as much as he is the listener. an excellent, moody listen, although it's not something i'm gonna stick on regularly. best song - lonely faces i guess? it's not really an individual track album

i'm in your mind fuzz (king gizzard & the wizard lizard) - oddly disappointing. monotonous, barely enough ideas to fill out a regular song, let alone a 12 minute suite (i'm in your mind sounds great, cool riff, nice groove, and then it just... doesn't stop. it just keeps going). at times it brings out the sort of kitschy flaming lips quirkiness, when it becomes a bit more enjoyable, but it's fleeting. not impressed. best song - satan speeds up, i guess (can't count the opener as its own song, that'd be like saying my favourite track from wish you were here was shine on part 1 or something), although i do enjoy the intentional banality of her and i's song portion

fox confessor brings the flood (neko case) - at time of writing i've just listened to this for the first time. i'm going to have to listen to it a great deal more. sheer poetry, absolutely outstanding lyrics, evocative, cryptic, emotional, always compelling. the actual songs live up to them, too, and the arrangements! always interesting, spicy dissonance thrown in regularly, frenetic background playing that didn't have to be there but really enriches the songs... i'm going to have to digest this more. best song - margaret vs pauline

i'm not counting the gazillion king crimson live albums i listened to (guess who found the starless boxset going cheap!!!) or we'll be here all day. suffice to say chicago 2017 rules, mainz 1974 rules just as much and the night watch/amsterdam 1973 makes crimson sound like the greatest band in the world for eighty minutes (the other four minutes is lament)

[navysealt4t]

artemis help i listened to paralytic states by against me! too many times today. waughh

yeah that’s how it be </3 paralytic states is sooo good it makes me sgsdhgsjsgf but also Be Careful.

[falling-pages]

Oh no I'm late to the Bakugou party! (if you want to) I'll send a request of Bakugou using his quirk to light your cigarette. Perhaps you two are sitting outside a coffee shop, talking or rather bantering back and forth, and you pull out a cigarette to which he leans forward and sets the tip ablaze, all while keeping eye contact -

Sis 🥵 Thank you for this!! I deviated it a little bit to make it a hurt/comfort fic, so I hope that’s okay. It took me a minute to figure out, but in the end I’m happy with the result! I had fun with the banter and making their history. I also threw in a little bit of mutual pining to tug at the heartstrings.

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Description: When Bakugou’s childhood best friend is injured in battle, he goes against all hero training to get them to a safe place and comfort them against the pain, realizing new feelings in the process.

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Pro-Hero Katsuki Bakugou x Pro-Hero Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with Fluff, Childhood Friends-to-Lovers

Warnings: Smoking, blood.

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“Just give it to me!” you snarled, lashing your fingers at Bakugou as he dragged you along the sidewalk. Even as the rough concrete dragged against your back, grating against the sensitive skin exposed by the rips in your hero costume, all you could focus on was the aching need lodged in the back of your spine.

Bakugou listened to you whine, only rolling his eyes as he continued to haul you along the street. He wished he could carry you--it would be a lot faster, and it would put you in less pain--but with his left arm wounded by the same villain that took a bite out of your side, you’d have to be content with the bumpy ride.

It was the opposite of everything he’d ever learned in his hero training, but this was you, his best friend, and he couldn’t leave you vulnerable and hurt on the ground for the villains.

“No, dumbass,” he grunted. His right arm muscles strained from carrying you. “You need medics, not a cigarette.”

“Give me both then!” you demanded. “Baky, come on, you know I need one right now!”

“If you need a smoke that badly, I’ll explode in your face. Inhale that.”

“Not the same.” 

Bakugou ignored your rant, only focused on finding a safe place. When he was a student he would have thought this cowardly, running away from a battle, but as soon as he saw you fall a few minutes ago all he could focus on was getting you away from the fight and hidden from villains. Despite the public oath he took upon graduation to protect the city and its citizens above all else, you were his best friend, and you came first.

His eyes searched the streets for any refuge. Despite the nice weather, no one was outside, a welcome relief. For once they actually listened to orders and stayed inside. He didn’t have to worry about you and some clueless civilian getting mixed up in a villain’s way.

But, if someone were here, maybe they could have helped.

Soon your complaints turned to pained whimpers, and Bakugou’s heart raced as he realized he had little time left. You needed a hiding spot and a doctor, and fast.

“Hang on, dumbass,” he said, tightening his hold on you. “You’re not dying on me. That’s extra behavior.”

“I’m not an extra,” you grumble.

“Hell no you’re not. So just stay with me.”

Despite the raging pain flowing through your body, you cracked a smile. He couldn’t see it, but it warmed your heart to know he cared. Even if he was awful about admitting it.

As he got more fatigued, your body got heavier. For both of your sakes, he needed to find a hiding spot fast.

Finally, he found a closed coffee shop with a broken lock and dragged you inside. He hid the two of you behind the counter, amid bags of coffee beans and pristine equipment. Though the lights were off, the windows were big enough to let him see just how badly you were injured.

Slightly delirious, you rested your head against a sack of flour to stop the world from spinning. Your injury was bad enough, but him dragging you across the city exacerbated the blood loss. The edges of your vision were fogging up.

You felt his hands on your stomach, hooking under the torn strips of cloth and ripping to expose your lower abdomen where the bite was. Too hurt to even be embarrassed, you let him examine you. The rush of air was cold against your burning skin.

Bakugou sucked in his breath. You had been attacked by some sort of poison villain, a new one. They had sunk their fangs into you and pumped toxins, causing the veins stretching across your stomach to turn a sickly neon blue as the poison spread. When they detached their fangs, they took a chunk with them, leaving an exposed wound down the side of your body.

If the poison were as dangerous as it looked, you would have died already. What he needed to focus on now was your blood pooling on the floor.

He crouched above you, instinctually shielding you in your weakened state. The villain had attacked him too, but he managed to rip them off before the toxins could paralyze him, only leaving a bloody wound in his bicep. In the heat of battle, he had to cauterize the wound to stop the bleeding…

“Hey, idiot,” he said, snapping his fingers. You slowly opened your eyes, watching him in paralytical annoyance. “I’m going to use my quirk to stop the bleeding, okay? Bite this.” He found a spare dish towel and strapped it in your mouth, both to protect your tongue and keep your screams quiet from anyone who may have followed the blood trail outside.

You accepted it, but your eyes betrayed the fear ricocheting through your body. Just as he lowered his good arm to your wound, a tear slid down your face, catching his attention. With the most comforting expression he could muster, he lifted his numb hand and wiped the tear away, letting it rest against your cheek for a few subtle moments.

“Hey,” he whispered, gruff voice lowered into a calming tone. “I know this is going to hurt. I’m sorry. But this is the only way to stop this type of bleeding, so you need to be brave for me, alright?”

A couple more tears escaped as you nodded. He dutifully wiped them off. He pushed your hair back from your eyes and made you look at him, showing you his blown-out pupils and just how scared he was, too. 

“You are the bravest person I know, and that’s saying something, especially considering myself.” You smiled at his attempt at a compliment. “So I just need you to keep being brave.” In lost judgement, he leaned forward and kissed your forehead, feeling how hot your face was even beneath his lips. You shed another tear, not from pain, but from gratitude for not being alone. 

As he kissed you, he activated his quirk, letting the heat consume your side. Fire licked at your skin as you mustered a scream, biting down on the dish towel in an attempt to lash out. Bakugou pressed his forehead against yours, pinning down your legs with his own to keep you still as you thrashed, muffled curse words mixing with your cries. 

“Just a few more seconds,” he whispered, feeling your skin close beneath his hand. “Hang on.”

You grabbed his other hand and squeezed, needing something to anchor your consciousness. He let you, returning the affection even with the little feeling he had in the wound. Each scream pierced his heart.

Finally, he felt the wound close completely and released your side, waving away the smoke that scorched your skin. You panted and spit out the towel, eyes rolling back from the shockwaves of pain. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but it would have to do for now. At least the bleeding stopped; an antidote could come later.

“Baky…” you whined.

He knew what you needed, silently getting up and finding a mug to fill with water. You struggled to sit up, pain blinding every move, until you felt hands shift beneath your armpits and pull you into a sitting position. He moved your head to rest against the counter and brought the cup up to your lips.

“Drink.”

You did as you were told, gulping the liquid as quickly as you could. Bakugou yanked the cup away mid-sip, making you choke. Water dripped down your chin as you shot him a dirty look.

“Small sips.”

You grabbed the mug to hold it for yourself, though his hands still hovered lightly against you. His bright red eyes stayed trained on yours as you followed his instructions, draining the cup bit by bit, until it was empty and you were satisfied. 

You held his gaze for a little while longer, daring him to do something, anything.

“Thank you,” you finally whispered, feeling the pressure of his strong hands overcome you, making you put the mug down on the floor. His hands covered yours, worn scars upon worn scars, warmth upon warmth.

He rocked on his heels and smirked. “You’re not dying on me, extra. You’re damn wrong if you think you can get out of opening an agency with me.”

“I’m not an extra,” you spat again, but he heard the mirth in your voice. The promise you made together in high school makes you feel warm, flooding your insides with nostalgia, filling your mouth with honey. Open your own agency together, be Heroes together or not at all. 

Today, it was almost not at all.

“I want--”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bakugou read your mind. He reached into the hidden compartment of his gauntlet and presented your favorite pack of cigarettes, pulling out a long, slender stick and perching it on your lips. His hand lingered a second too long, brushing against your chin, but his eyes widened as they met yours. 

A fleeting desire crossed your mind, like a comet streaking against the sky, but then the ache in your side sent you back to earth.

“Thanks.” You said, lifting your hand to push the cigarette further into your mouth. 

“Tch. Those things will kill you,” Bakugou grumbled, but he leaned forward, not breaking eye contact, until he was close enough to almost taste the other end. His gaze dropped down to your mouth, back to your eyes, and then down again as he raised his hand.

With a tiny pop, his palm connected to the cigarette butt and produced an explosion just big enough to light up the end. The buzz filled your mouth and crawled down the back of your throat, scratching that sweet itch. As you inhaled, Bakugou shook his hand out to clear the smoke.

“Can’t be much worse than this poison villain.” You took a breath. “I’m bouncing back fine.”

Bakugou huffed, setting his sight on the blue veins on your abdomen. “You weren’t the one carrying a basically unconscious body.”

“First of all, I was conscious, and second of all, you were dragging me. There was no ‘carrying’ in this scenario.” You watched the guilt manifest in his eyes, that rare sight of remorse. “So if I get skidmarks on my back, that’s on you.”

“Would be a cool scar. You could match Dunceface’s lightning strikes.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, watching as he inhaled the smoke. His eyes sparkled like rubies in the night sky. “Maybe. But at least I know you’ll save me again.”

“Tch. I have since we were kids, haven’t I? I will, forever.”

He wasn’t looking at you. Guilt settled in his stomach as he stared at the charred skin stretching between your ribs and hip, thinking about how much pain he must have caused you. You winced as you leaned forward to touch his shoulder, leveling eye to eye and just a few inches apart. The movement seemed to send an electric shock through him as he forced himself to meet your gaze. 

He had been your partner, your protector, for as long as he could remember. And today, he let his guard down, and you got hurt. You almost died. And in saving your life, he had caused you more pain.

Your aching scream would fill his nightmares for the rest of his life.

“You didn’t do this to me, Katsuki.” His teeth rippled along his lower lip as you said his first name. The familiarity of your voice, your scent, your touch washed his heart in peace. You were here. You were with him. You were safe.

“I did. I exploded your side.” He wanted to shake you off, pay penance for his guilt with a broken heart, but your grip was like steel. “Some hero I am, doing this to--”

“You saved my life!” you screeched. “Katsuki, look--look at me!”

He turned his eyes to you, but he wasn’t looking at you, he was busy searching for any other explanation for how close you were now.

“If you hadn’t been watching me when that villain attacked me, I would be dead. If you hadn’t dropped everything and dragged me to safety, I would be dead. If you hadn’t used your quirk on me, I would be bleeding out in front of you.” You pant and grab his face, forcing him to look into your soul, into your heart, into the very depths of feelings you had for him. “You saved my life. You are a hero.”

He was puzzled. You were a pro-hero. He didn’t need to protect you anymore. So why was he insistent on watching?

Because he could never take his eyes off you.

He whispered your name as if it were a prayer, thanking everyone who cared to listen, as he leaned in and kissed you.

Your heart shattered, but in the best way, as if it had been puzzle assembled incorrectly and each piece was falling back into its perfect place.

As if he could control it, the pain lessened the longer Bakugou kissed you, gently grabbing your waist opposite your wound. The kiss was salty, and warm, and long, the product of years of pining and pent-up feelings. Every time you tried to pull away, he would bring you back in, as if he couldn’t believe this was actually happening and needed more proof. You, too, couldn’t believe how gently your angry blond friend held you. It was the opposite of everything you had ever known about him, but maybe you had a good influence on him.

Maybe, this was the start of something new.

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[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

sometimes i’m blown away at the most mundane things. like just the fact that my experiences are not universal. did y’all know that, according to spotify anyway, against me!’s most popular song off of transgender dysphoria blues is black me out, not the title track or true trans soul rebel? black me out is a good song, but i guess i thought more against me! fans would cling to the Transgender Songs like i do (the two mentioned, obviously, and also paralytic states altho that one’s more about suicide than transness, are 3 of my fav against me! songs)

[bastardfae]

watching on in a state that could only really be described as muted amazement, arnon’s grin grew more and more mischievous with every word that left the other’s mouth. why hadn’t he decided to spend more time here? sure, the castle was an eyesore and he wanted the freaks in control of it taxidermied and displayed on his mantlepiece, but if souls as interesting as the one sat beside him also dwelled here… could it really be so bad? tuning back into the conversation, arnon’s brow rose slowly at the momentary power bestowed upon him. being in charge of the catalyst of someone else’s hangover was an honour he had yet to receive – how could he possibly say no to such an inviting offer? leaning further forward in his seat, arnon idly traced the rim of the ashtray as his mind raced with viable options. by the looks of what else was currently being planned for the evening they were to spend in one another’s company, arnon knew better than to immediately start with anything that would render another borderline paralytic. that wouldn’t be any fun for anybody. slapping the bartop with his free hand, arnon suddenly turned his attention to the bartender with a bright smile, eyes ablaze with excitement. “hey– oi, garçon! you got any pitchers back there? we need two of them–” pushing himself up to stand a little higher, arnon craned his neck to peer behind to see what spirits were readily available. “do what you can to make two long island iced teas. don’t be stingy with the rum and vodka, either.” flopping back into his seat ungracefully, arnon beamed at the other in visible pride, drumming his fingers against the bar. “so, tell me about yourself. that’s how small talk works, isn’t it? you give me some inane, forgettable details about yourself, i pretend it’s the most interesting shit i’ve ever heard and vice versa? 'm pretty sure that’s how we do this.”

Row snorted and took a drag on the cigarette he’d left in the ashtray before he’d fallen over. “First mistake was bettin’ against me, champ.” Blowing a perfect smoke ring, which he put his hand through to dot the center with the cherry of his cigarette, Row considered the question. “I'mma let you decide, chief. Then I can blame you tomorrow for the hangover instead of myself. Win/win.” Putting the finished cigarette out, he pulled out rolling papers and weed that he’d gotten from Seth. “Let’s make it fun.”