#and also panic music too??
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decided to check out those playlists that spotify makes for youā¦.,,ā¦,, a fucking MILK mix??!!? with THE YOUNG VEISN??
#and also panic music too??#someone tell me what milk music is#aaaahhhhhhuhhhhhhhhh#hm#anyway#ryan ross#panic! at the disco#milk fic#ryden
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"...What is it?" "The drums...they mean trouble. I shouldn't be hereā" "I want to see you againā" "I can'tā" "Please don' t leaveā" "āI'm sorry." "..." "...I have to go now."
āPocahontas (1995)
#tfw ur really connecting with a guy and the fucking air raid sirens go off#pocahontas (1995)#disneyedit#pocahontasedit#pocahontas x john smith#pocahontas#john smith#they were all feeling a kind of way at the studio huh?#but fr like her look of panic when she hears the drums always stuck with me as a kid#and only now am i realizing the reason those drums are probably a Big Deal is bc her tribe JUST got done fighting a war with another tribe#she's been hanging out with smith all day. she doesn't /know/ that a scouting party had been sent out and one of her own got shot#she was just tailing the one guy on her own and then having a whole musical number and flirting n having a good time#and all of a sudden the red alert is blaring and now she's having war flashbacks#literally those drums could be for anything as far as she knows. i'd be on edge too.#also this lil animation sequence is so interesting#it strikes me as very 'old hollywood' in the blocking and the body language#it's the 'oh but we mustn't!' of it all#ahhh i'm a sucker for it every time#queso*edit#queso*gif
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Took me very long in life to realize that when an article about anxiety or whatever says "listening to relaxing music helps :)" it means music that's relaxing to YOU. Not just the usual slow and calm and soft relaxation music. This whole time I was wondering why listening to those didn't do anything, it's because they're not what I personally find relaxing!!
Turns out, if your favorite musician screaming moaning and crying in your ears is what you find relaxing, that's what you should listen to when panicking.
#Good for you if soft calm music helps you! For me it just leaves too much room for my brain to think. Same for breathing exercises.#For breathing I also had to find one that works for me because none of what I usually found worked#For people wondering. It is 3 seconds IN 6 seconds OUT (or a certain amount of seconds in and double the amount out)#My therapist actually taught me that one. Very good!#Panics. Hand me my shovel I'm going in by Will Wood. Am okay. :)
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i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically
#ted and beard ofc are reading each others minds#trent is shockingly good at it but only when he forgets to be self conscious#also see: he does both best and worst with ted (best when he's not being self conscious#worst when somehow the prompt gets too touchy or 'romantic' bc Crush Crush Crush Brain Panic)#(please the image of ted in character hugging him or something and trent just. red. brain crashed. no longer improving just frozen. barely#manages to recover and even then it was not subtle. unclear if ted is a) genuinely oblivious b) teasing him and thinks trent knows that#c) something else(??) )#roy is too stiff most of the time but if he gets really into it he gets REALLY into it.#best way to get this result is to involve phoebe or another child#higgins did community theater at some point and is the one teaching them all the games. beard also seems to have done intense research#but higgins is the one with EXPERIENCE#not that i think beard and ted couldn't have done an improv duo in college or something but in this scenario they did not#nate surprisingly is pretty good at it once he gets into it like it takes him a second but#then he's like. really getting into it and he's very quick on his feet#new way to go mad with power (affectionate): the rush you get when you make the perfect snap back comedic line/acting choice#also while trent is so good paired with so many of them i think he and nate would be a hilarious duo. they're SO funny.#they complement each other well and are both quick & clever#esp if it's about a mutual interest (although one of them taking the lead on something else like nate and music while the other plays off t#em is also good) but like#please i just had the iamge of them basically doing a bit where they're like. those mean old gay muppets in the theater?#like trent and nate improv duoing as some bitchy reviewers just going back and forth and it's so FAST and SO funny#beard records it and posts it somewhere and it goes viral.#god don't even get me started on the idea of some sort of official richmond social media/the gang posting random clips on social media#bc the ideas i have are so funny.#also largely trent centric but what do you want from me okay i'm just a little slut.
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Blast Off! Performed live in San Diego last fall! š«¶
#weezer#rivers cuomo#songs from the black hole#sftbh#i forced my boyfriend to record this becuSe iām quite short so i couldnāt see right#iām just so small and petite!!!! >.<#brian bell#patrick wilson#scott shriner#anyways#i got no 1 agnetha listener on airbuds. sheās one of the singers from ABBA#im a big abba fan too! i was wondering what kinda music you guys listen to#i like laufey tons; she interacted with me once on twitter and itās my greatest feat#UVE BEEN A FAN SINCE 2020 š#tchā¦. posers.#o ya! back to school starting soon too#iām taking 5 ap classes; seminar; apush; apes#and ap pre clac and ap physics#i wasnāt gonna do APES originally but i kinda have to bc i have no other options :( i like computer science so i wanted to do that but the#class was full; itās okay though since i can do it next year !#not end of the world :3 but !!!! also$!!! iām taking my permit test today#retake cuz i kinda had a panic attack the first timeš i felt like i was gonna die.#itās okay! iām amazing. and im gonna do great on it
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I will likely never get to do anything with her
#the band ghost#nameless ghoul oc#i mostly wanted practice making a character sheet ish thingy#and by god i got that#had to work hard for her colors which is not usually a problem for me#and the silhouette flip like if your character doesnt have a tail then bam its done and no one will notice the small problems#but it doesnt work with a tail if you want perspective i had to redraw/move her tail around to make it look right so. learned that very much#i like the layout concept though thats nice#i have a whole backstory for her. she was part of a group summon and it all went fine except that one person was missing and they ended up#with a statue. she was too terrified to talk to anyone so she got left there and after it sounded empty she reverted and found some place to#hide in the gardens. so she lives there now. and ruins a lot of socks. and helps with the plants not that anyone knows that. and panics and#turns to stone if anyone walks by. so everyone does realize theres a moving shifting statue in the abbey but no one is sure what to do about#that. doesnt speak much if at all. doesnt steal a new shirt bc people notice if those go missing unlike socks. has anxiety bitch face also#yeah. and like. i dont know what a fandom is and i certainly dont know what a music is and thats why ill likely not do anything with her#which kinda sucks. but i still made her a character sheet cause she wont leave me alone. and for the practice#cause if i think about doing a sheet for story ocs i get all perfectionist and it doesnt happen#the luck thing is that she kinda thinks being summoned was a curse#im gonna shut up now
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That was an eventful two days
#I had a better time at the Waterparks concert#Noah was great#buuuut#I was on the barricade#I had my cousin hold onto my spot while I grabbed some merch and he didnāt hold onto the barricade so when I got back there were like three#rows of people in front of me#tall people too#and I got a ticket for my friend who wound not being able to go#and my brother who took us didnāt wanna go so I completely wasted $25 on a ticket#and it just Sucks that I spent so much money on ticket and got there super early just to be shoved way back when I LITERALLY had the front#there was this rude entitled lady who made everyone move for her son#he only knew tx2 but stayed up front the whole time#(she also took a spot right on the barricade too)#I was just really upset about how it didnāt go according to my plan and I kind of had a panic attack. like. a really fucking long one#and I had my vip bag + merch with me and everyone was stepping on it (no one was even playing?) and they fucked up my poster#but yeah I pretty much had a 2 hour long panic attack my ribs hurt now from hyperventilating (leaving the pit wouldnāt have helped)#the vip part was still good#I met Noah again he remembered me he did great it was just the people around me#oh I also like fucked up my knee#but thatās cause two concerts in a row hurt I think someone kinda accidentally kicked in a mosh pit and the first venue the ground had a#slight tilt to it. so it was kinda uncomfortable after a few hours#Waterparks#noahfinnce#concert#tx2#music
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for a while now i've had some kind of weird curse where the creative part of my brain just completely stops functioning if i try to arrange a cover/remix of an existing song. basically i'll say "i love this song! i wanna try putting my own spin on it!" and then i realize i have like, nothing to actually add to the conversation and also can't fully reverse-engineer the funky compositional tricks involved that helped make me so obsessed with it
it's happened with songs from games like 4 or 5 times in the past couple years (examples off the top of my head include BEAST BASH from SLARPG and, much more recently, Enemy Retreating from Undertale Yellow) and usually i'm having an ok time until i get stuck analyzing one specific chord or technique, overthink the progress i've already made, and inevitably give up with only a few bars of actual music once i realize my obsessive analysis has robbed the cover of anything interesting or unique compared to the original song
ANYWAYS i think i might have figured out a workaround and that's that i need to like... get crazier with it from the start? i need to change the overall beat/style, or at least make the song noticeably faster/slower and in a different key, to kinda switch off the part of my brain that's like "ok, the goal is to copy. i gotta be really accurate and scrutinize every note OR ELSE i will get a bad grade in Perfectly Replicating An Existing Song, because that is the objective now for some reason instead of having fun and getting silly with it". bonus points if i have the song stuck in my head thoroughly enough that i can do the bulk of the work without going back and comparing it to the original song. i THINK this might be the key. i'm not sure. i have no idea how people have entire youtube channels dedicated to doing like 95% faithful covers and rearrangements of songs because apparently i am just not wired that way, but i CAN do remixes if they're different enough for me to not get stuck in my own head about it
but yeah i realized this because i recently jumped back into working on a cover of a Muse song i started back in September, and it occurred to me that all of the above things definitely factor into why i'm having so much fun with this, yet struggled with those other abandoned projects. maybe eventually i will have a good idea for how to mix those up more thoroughly and do them justice too but for now i'm just glad to know i'm not ACTUALLY cursed lol
#buny text#the song i'm covering is Panic Station btw#if i was REALLY motivated and had too much free time (and also knew how to get swing beats working in OpenMPT) i'd do TWO covers#cuz i was envisioning a slower funky 'act 1' version and then the current one i'm working on as 'act 2'#if anyone out there CAN tell me how to add swing in OpenMPT (or even just music trackers in general) i would greatly appreciate your wisdom
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Happy spotify wrapped day for those who celebrate
#spotify wrapped#i'm not too surprised by any of my top artists/songs except parx#and also panic a bit. idk why they keep popping up but it makes sense#i rly thought paramore was gonna be number 2#i am also a little surprised that what love was my top song but it makes sense hdjehfjfh#music tag#about#jaime posts
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Tagged by @chobani-flip š» to put my music on shuffle & list the first 10 songs + tag 10 people.
Well... Most people will find it boring, my library is 90% neo-classical and whatever a mix of classical, ambiant and electronic is called, with some soft songs, pagan folk and EDM/electro. But at least those 10 random songs are pretty homogeneous.
Doll Common - Matthew J. Webster
Alaska - Portair
For The Dream That Have Faded - Owsey
Fata - George Strezov
Reawakening - Scott Buckley
Monarch - David A. Molina
Slope - Phoria
Blue Summer - GrƩgoire Jokic
Gratandi Jeg thig Beiưi - Hƶgni
Island - PBSR
#music#hyperstimulation sucks and my brain panics when there's too much ānoiseā#so i can't listen to edm for too long#i also stopped listening to metal except when i really feel like my brain can take it
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youtube
#diana's music diary#šØļø#okay I actually do feel better now#good morning :3#sleep is the cure to all#yesterday I spent the day helping my partner set up her DAW so she could stream with it#and then also set up a cobblemon mod pack for us š#it's not actually done yet but it's pretty much there#just needs some finishing touches#will maybe skim it a little today too idk#there are probably some unnecessary parts I added yesterday in my hyperfocus so idk#it went surprisingly well and smooth though#feel like I got some things done yesterday which is always nice#sleeping at a reasonable time works? what?#who would have thought......#I'm still having a lot of trouble actually staying asleep actually but it's working either way somehow.. I'm used to being tired so it's ok#thinking about it the only bad part of yesterday was a panic attack near the end and being in pain...#that doesn't sound like a good thing but for me lately especially that's actually good.#let's try to make today fun and cozy and painless...#will make sure to take my pain medicine#if you are reading this I hope your day is good especially too n_n#also on the music... I think I'm on my touhou music shit again... been listening to Koishi music a lot and this one Alice album...
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went to my first live metal show last night so here's a grimy venue bathroom selfie
shoutout to @madoimaru for the shirt!!!
#pidge face#hello i had so much fucking fun tho#i felt the music In My Ribcage And Heart and it was so fucking sick#i actually knew the person who set up the show bc they were friends w a previous housemate lmao#their performance was SICK#theyre doing a midwest tour soon too!!! so like thats cool as hell#the last band was ALSO sick and it turns out the teeny blonde girl who was fucking it UP in the pit?#was also part of the last band#i lost it when she got up on stage it was SO FUCKIN COOL#she gave us stickers and showed us her nails afterwards#she was so fucking sweet oh my god#also my friend made this shirt and i hastily cropped it in a panic while getting ready lmao#god tho it Awakened something in me#i need to learn bass#i need more tattoos and piercings#i need to split my tongue#i need to learn how to Properly Apply Eyeliner#i need to not wear a binder for 12 hours š«#my friends partner was in the opening band too!!! it was their first show!
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Good Omens AU where Crowley and Aziraphale both teach Year 1s who think they're a married couple
Also, Gabriel is the principal
And Michael is the mean deputy Principal
And Hastur and Ligur are the mean groundskeepers
And Muriel is the librarian's assistant who doesn't know what they're doing because of course they are.
#good omens#good omens au#ineffable husbands#also The Them are the Year 1s#because logic#and one day the Year 1s throw them a wedding#you know as you do#and they're just like "Well#so they make up some 'fake' vows on the spot#but they mean it#bc ofc they do#and then later they have the inevitable āwhat was that and what are we?ā panic#is it too much to ask#please#i just want to see Crowley playing musical statues with a bunch of five-year-olds and deliberately losing so they feel happy#and who knows maybe Aziraphale sees it and comments on it#and Crowley is like āYou tell nobody about this okay?? I have a reputation as the scary teacher.ā#someone write a fic#please i beg
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found my old ipod... tell me why I forgot about the absolute BANGER that is Back To Earth (feat. Fall Out Boy)
#damien.txt#THE BRIGHTEST THINGS FADE THE FASTEST!!#brb putting this on my current playlists omg#why do we collectively as foblr never talk abt this song omg#anyways scrolling thru this ipod is WILLLDDDD#i had it from like. 2014-2019. long ass time. was using ipods wayyy longer than anyone else lmao#there are some. real interesting selections on here dkdgwjhdk#nothing that's weird just a lot of things that are like omg.... i forgot abt that...#it has all of the old brobecks albums like happiest nuclear winter & understanding the brobecks which like#tbh i dont even really know how to access now! i definitely dont still have the files from when#i originally put them on this ipod. but wow. banger songs#also have all of the original waterparks albums/eps lmao crazy#it also has all of my ripped from youtube panic 'singles' lmaooo like mercenary & c'mon & the live version of karma police#absolutely went hard to that cover of karma police and honestly?? still do#this is such a time capsule lol it has all of 21p's discography too which like. lol. sometimes i forget i was like that#has a lot of ripped from youtube english covers of vocaloid songs too lmaooooo real of past me#looking at this... pretty sure all the panic albums on here are t0rrented too lmaooo real of me. before i even knew#why i think this is bc under vices & virtues it has oh glory & stall me & turn off the lights just. in the track listing#this is so fun wow i love. music is so good you guys#I HAVE THE LIVE VERSION OF BANG BANG BY GREENDAY WHERE THEY SAY#'No Trump No KKK No Facist USA' THATS SO FUCKING REAL OF ME SKGDKSHDJDB#and of green day. ofc.#this is so much of a trip down memory lane#bruises and bitemarks by good with grenades..... omg.........#anyways ill stop listing things in the tags but. omg. this is so fun.#bout to go put so many of these songs i forgot abt back into my playlists djhdkshdjd
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watched the latest helluva boss episode it was fun imo
poor fizz mammon sucks ass man so glad he quit and absolutely killed it while doing so
but I'm not here to make two posts about the latest episode oh no
TOM FUCKING CARDY WAS IN THE EPISODE BITCH HAHA
#I RECOGNIZED THAT BASTARD'S VOICE THE MOMENT HE STARTED SINGING#IT'S MY GUY LET'S GOOO#after that I was also semi convinced he voiced mammon too#tho he didn't ofc lol but still#music went off in this ep holy shit#need 2 minute notice on my playlist#the panic attack scene?? the creepy fan?? dude...#ALSO FIZZ KNOWS SIGN LANGUAGE#HIS INTERACTIONS WITH THAT LITTLE FAN WERE SO CUTE AAAA
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having actual sweet stuff for the first time in a week or so (bc ED Brain(tm) ) and I figured I'd make enough at once and have it over today and maybe tomorrow and I'm about a third of the way through it and have a horrid headache and feel rotten D:
#also very much like harming. anyway. not going to bed til nine. i am aware of there being a knife in my room.#and for now im listening to music and writing so hopefully this will calm me#not having any more of this stuff tonight#but im maybe starting to panic a wee bit idk if it's reasonable#my calorie intake has been steadily trending downhill like tonight even with this stuff being a solid 200 (mostly bc of milk) still i got#less than 1200 which isn't especially healthy#but i don't know how to stop it#even with the dietitian without other people around who will actually do smth about it i don't know how to do this#i think i *will* talk to my friend's mum maybe asap within the next couple weeks or smth if i can#bc also like. she knows the state of my heart. both from the pov of having known about the whole thing with her son earlier and from going#through similar herself at a similar age. so i can talk to her about general emotional stuff as well as the eating problems - maybe if i ge#brave id also be like o yea and talking to your son i prioritised during conference over eating so i barely ate all week - and maybe also#the suicidal/sh bit to it too. i don't know. maybe. i kinda want to tell her. ive considered confiding in her before. but i don't know#life is hard and people is hard and i just#oh you know the drill. the usual breakdown. gosh i disgust myself#tw ed#tw sh#tw suicide#personal#puddleglum hours#it sure ain't that i don't get joy out of life. just. yeah. i dunno
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