#and also on probation and wanting to be part of the ship life again

[quillyfied]

…probably a good thing Ed didn’t see Stede in the suit. Might have made getting rid of it harder.

[schrijverr]

Growing Pains [Dick's POV] 5

Chapter 5 out of 6

Dick knows who Barbara is under the mask, Barbara doesn't. This causes some strange interactions as their friendship develops.

In this chapter, Dick tries to navigate school with his only friend being Barbara, though she doesn't know it. Something that isn't always so easy.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~~

Chapter 5: Natural Ally

Barbara is a little weird, Dick decides after a few days of studying her. His first day had been less successful, but with B’s training he has become subtler in studying her and his mess up was useful for something, because he figured out to drop his ‘friends’.

Dick doesn’t like any of them and it seems Conrad and his little gang are more than happy to drop him when he doesn’t want to fall in line.

Having to adjust to being high society has been really strange, but having Robin helps. He saves his anger and excitement for the night, when he can jump off roofs and whoop as loudly as he can and be as annoying as possible. Keeping that safe makes the performance easier.

However, he knows these people aren’t his people and the more he learns about the socialite life, the harder it is to relate to them. So, he kind of floats along, friendly enough to get along with everyone, but not really befriending anyone.

He’s also not planning on befriending Barbara either. Out of everyone, she’s most likely to get his experiences, also not raised with wealth and, not to mention, a sidekick like him. But she’s still on probation in his book. He’s watching her.

And without her noticing too! Suck on that, he can totally be sneaky (and no, he’s not still sulky about when she managed to sneak up on him!).

After their near miss altercation, he’s determined to mean mug her again, just a little, but of course Alfred has to make him feel a little bad about it. So, he acts as normal as he can while he broods and is glad he did so when the guilty feeling creeps up when he realizes they’ve been excluding her.

He convinced B to give her a grappler too, but he wants it to be perfect. It’s a peace offering and a sorry, so it needs to be good. So when they’re in Mrs. Holland’s class, there is a moment where they can talk, he takes the opportunity. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What?” Barbara says, sounding appalled.

Dick’s guilt grows a little, she parades in a purple version of Bruce’s costume, of course he should have known that already. As apologetically as he can, he says: “Oh, yeah, of course, sorry, I should know.”

He turns back to the front in embarrassment and it’s not until Barbara taps him on the shoulder and asks: “Are you okay?” that he remembers that she doesn’t know he is Robin.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, quickly trying to hide his stupidity behind politeness like he does whenever he’s out as Dick Grayson, letting out a relieved breath when Barbara seems to buy it.

Though she does scrutinize Dick the next day. He doesn’t know if she caught on – and a stupid part of him kind of hopes she has, he wants a friend – so he just sends her a smile and says nothing, letting her interpret it as she wants.

Apparently she interprets it as him being Dick and not Robin, which is good. They still don’t trust her, not entirely, not with that. It’s good that his mistake flew under the radar. But still.

He and Barbara have been getting closer- well, he and Batgirl have. They make fun of B together and take out bad guys. She’s his friend and she’s right there! He just can’t talk to her. Which means he’s all alone. Friendless.

It’s a little sad. He’s not used to it. He’s used to a loud circus filled with people, making new friends in every city or town they went to. But here, all stationary in a big mansion with only Bruce and Alfred and no friends at school… it’s lonely.

So after their run in with the Commissioner, Dick wants to make her happy. Cheer her up. So, he asks Alfred to pack him some cookies.

He doesn’t even think about it. In that moment it’s natural that he would want to do something nice, just like he made B get out of there after the comment. Barbara is his teammate (though he still loathes to admit that sometimes), of course he wants her to smile again.

When he comes in the next day, Barbara looks tired. Dick is tired too – comes with the territory of being a hero – but she looks tired-tired. Not just stay up late tired, but emotional tired. It’s an emotion Dick has come to know well this year.

So, he doesn’t even think when he turns around, cookie in hand, only for her to snap: “What?”

Okay, rude, he knows she is still sometimes a little jealous or something, but he’s been working on it. No need to get mad. However, he knows she’s been through a lot, she’s deflecting onto him, just like he did to Bruce when he found out about Batman and Tony Zucco. (See Alfred, he listens when you try to counsel him.) So, he just holds up the cookie and says: “I have an extra cookie.”

“Congratulations?” Barbara shoots back sarcastically.

Now Dick is taken aback. He thought they were becoming friends, but now she’s shutting him out again. Did he do something? She seemed okay with him last night, so what changed?

Then it hits him and he quickly tries to save himself: “No, I mean, would you like one? You look tired.”

“Wow, thanks,” Barbara says and Dick cringes, this is not at all how this was meant to go. He just wanted to do something nice to cheer her up and all he’s done is make her hate him. That’s not the plan.

Dick is grasping at air, not as good as Bruce at sweet talking yet, so he has nothing to say to get him out of the pit he created. Fortunately, Barbara speaks again first. “But I would like a cookie.”

“Here you go,” Dick says, relieved, giving her the cookie, feeling some satisfaction when Barbara takes the first bite and seems to unclench a little. Mission success.

“Thanks,” she says.

“You’re welcome,” he replies, turning back to the lesson to hide her from Mrs. Holland, so she can eat the cookie in class and to give her space. Dick Grayson is not her friend, Robin is, she doesn’t want to hear from him now.

After that incident, he tries to be more mindful of it. It’s no good breaking their secrecy just because he wants a friend. So, life goes on as normal and Dick and Barbara are strangers.

That is until Poison Ivy throws Barbara off a roof and Dick is nearly too late to save her. He can’t do that. He doesn’t want to. When he comes home with Bruce that evening, he says: “Barbara should be in the know.”

Bruce gives him a look – not a mean one, not a dismissive one, just curious – and asks: “What’s the reasoning?”

Dick likes that about Bruce, he’s always willing to hear him out. He’s not his dad, not really. He won’t ever be his dad – well, not soon anyway – he’s too young and inexperienced. He doesn’t treat Dick like a son, he treats him like an equal and, honestly, Dick can use that right about now.

“She totally figured it out already,” Dick exclaims. “She always figures it out before me, there is no way she doesn’t know. Pretending she doesn’t for your ego won’t help. We need to work together better, getting her on the com system will help, but Alfred is on there too. So, she’ll need to know, right?”

“Alright, next patrol we’ll tell her,” Bruce agrees and some nerves that he hadn’t been aware of are soothed by that answer.

“Whoo!” he cheers, because cheering and being happy about that is better than thinking about how she looked when she fell. How they looked when they fell.

“But wait until patrol,” Bruce warns. “We- we had an encounter as Batgirl and Bruce. She might not believe without seeing and you never know who’s listening.”

“Alright,” Dick agrees easily. He can totally wait until patrol. Then he tastes the blood in the mouth, mixing with Alfred’s cookie and he wrinkles his nose as he says: “I think one of those plant monsters punched out one of my teeth.”

So, Dick spends the morning classes at the dentist to get checked out, luckily discovering that it was a baby tooth with an X-ray photo.

He’s happy when he gets to school in time for the break and even happier to see Barbara, alive and well. Sometimes it’s nice to have the reassurances and today he needs it especially. So, he walks over to her table, ready to sit down only for her to-

“No.”

“No?” Dick repeats, unsure where the no came from. Is she still mad about him getting mad? No, right? They were good when they parted, he made sure they were good. So why the no?

“No,” Barbara repeats, sounding more firm. “I don’t know why you’re obsessed with me, but no. Not in the mood. Scram.”

Hurt. That was the emotion Dick felt. They had had a rocky start, sure, but last night was their big finale, right? They finally got each other. What had happened between then and now that made her act like this? Unable to hide all of those thoughts whirling around in his head, he softly says: “I just want to be friends.”

“Why?” Barbara asks.

Dick frowns, isn’t that obvious? So, he shoots back: “What do you mean why?”

“What do you mean with what do you mean?” Barbara says, her brow furrowed as she watches him, before suddenly her eyes widen, as if she realizes something.

It hits Dick that he was wrong. She hadn’t figured it out- well, she has now. He gave it away and now she knows and they’re staring at each other. A stalemate.

If he doesn’t say something soon, she might and then Bruce will get mad because he was supposed to wait for patrol and not spill the beans, because who knows who might be listening. She can’t, under any circumstances, mention their night life.

So, he panics and quickly says: “You’re right, I’m being weird. My bad,” and prepares to make a hasty retreat. He can try again tomorrow.

Before he can successfully get away, however, Barbara stops him: “No, I was being rude. Sit down.”

That’s an order if he’s ever heard one and while Robin has never listened to Batgirl giving an order, he isn’t being Robin right now and despite his screw up, he does want to befriend Barbara. It’s only natural, right? She’s his ally. His backup. His friend.

It’s quiet.

And awkward.

Dick is terrible at awkward silences, so he tries to find something to say that won’t put her on the sidekick topic, but also isn’t too out of place. In the end he settles on: “So, uhm, what is your favorite color anyway?”

Barbara laughs and he mentally facepalms, though he can’t help but be happy that Barbara is happy again, not sad like she was last night. He also likes that he gets to see her eyes as she looks at him and smiles. “Purple. It’s purple,” she answers.

Ha, he thinks, called it!

[villainship]

[Writing WIP Questionnaire]

Reflecting on my drafts folder w/ the previously-skipped section of the questions I was answering here.

If you read this: . . .don’t look @ me. LOL. (Exposing my secrets -- and also hiding from them.)

-

Sum up one or more of your wips!

Most aren’t for tumblr-posting, mind u. But:

(Divided up by which character has narration rights)

-a Vette story I keep forgetting abt, where she is trying to figure out TD’s post-binge fate on Nar Shaddaa, having decided she’s actually invested in this weird Sith’s wellbeing.

-Quinn experiencing TD’s response to betrayal (TD: “I’m not mad, I just want you to acknowledge your life is in /my/ hands. Forever.”)

-like 4 separate WIPs of ‘joint midlife crisis’ Zahied & TD engaging in their unsanctioned fraternizing in early times/getting to know each other -- however eagerly (TD) or reluctantly (Zahied). -Alliance-era, mid-50s Zahied thinks hard abt where he is, tells TD he ready to dump him (probably. Soon. --For real, though. NO relapses. When it’s done it’s /done/, 100%. Swearing off this shit- . . . Yes, he’ll still teach ur damn kids their hand-to-hand fighting.)

-Alliance-era TD, fraught with relationship issues/feelings(???) beyond his comprehension (dumped by his boyfriend; wife still touchy that he is hot for his boss; boss ignoring him b/c 1. she has never considered him significant or attractive 2. she’s busy with the happiness of being reunited with her bug husband), takes a team (incl. his Apprentice) to Hoth for a mission, where they lose contact with home base & can’t send an update to confirm they’re still alive. --He thinks that’s fine he didn’t want to hear from anyone there for a While anyway-- (but something else Will go wrong.) -Agent Vensys is assigned as chaperone for traitor-on-probation Sith Lord Liio (going Where? idk) -- which may be AU content, or I might make it canon. . . or I might split off into 2 different versions (one where they potentially makeout a little, & one for sailing the crack ship onward to far-distant horizons that veer OOC for at least 1 of them). Lolll. -(?canon?) Kallir has a nice day. -Kallir runs afoul of a posse of Imperial troops privately harboring anti-Sith sentiments in a garrison on Taris (? question mark). (Visiting pumpkin Agent was witnessed holding hands with a Sith who recently came by) -- I’m evaluating how much violence I’ll include as canon. (Less than I wrote. . . but some. He definitely gets bullied. Punches someone in the throat. Maybe knifes a guy a little bit?? I wrote that scene, but I’m not sure it’ll fit.) -Kallir undergoing an entire ordeal living among space pirates & becoming slightly unhinged. -in AU: Kallir (the Minister of Intelligence), dragged away from the tail end of a formal ball, puts up with Vensys plying his charms at him (again)

-total shipping AU: Kallir, Liio, & Zahied, lonely hearts club, attempt to distract one another from mountains of baggage in the only way that comes to their minds when they recognize everyone else is hot and thirsty. (Fellas. . . you’re a mess. Sorry I’m so into that.)

Which story took the most research?

Well- the extent of research I’m willing to do is stuff like “what’s this place/object look like in SWTOR?”, or “what does the internet say about these star wars aliens?”

Which story has the most lore?

TD going to Hoth to blow up a Star Fortress maybe (regrettably, I don’t know the relevant lore & I’ve been incapable of doing the gameplay I want to do to get there).

Current word count of all your main wips?

I do Not track those stats. . . I think I know which are the longest, though.

-Part 1 of Liio/Kallir/Zahied AU is. . . 54 pages (for. . .3-4 scenes, essentially. dkfshgkjf). -Part 2 combined WIPs are 15 + 6 + 3 + .2 (a paragraph) (split up due to time-jumping mid-draft, starting a new file, & returning to unfinished business when I feel like it)

Fic that isn’t a total departure from character canon: -Part 1 (of the in-depth edition) of Kallir’s pirate story is a 32 page WIP, w/ an 18-page side chapter (which might not get any longer) -Part 2: 6 pages so far.  -Aftermath follow-up: 7 so far.

How many projects do you have going on right now? Are there any that you doubt you’ll ever finish?

(My answer to question 1 is more-or-less my entire list) It’s hard to say I Won’t finish anything, but also--I don’t often finish writings.

What was you first major project? How far along is it?

And I wouldn’t necessarily call any of them ‘major’ projects (pirate fic got pretty big--but. idk). . .

My first SWTOR fic was for TD & Quinn, and I got lost on it. lol. It’s one of those drafts that feels convoluted to look at (there’s a lot of patchwork pieces), & I’m not sure exactly how much of it is worth having in there or what I actually Want to write into it. (Quinn is hilarious to write, though.)

What are some tropes and character dynamics found in your wips?

. . . gay little scene-slice stories of charged & intimate interactions--aggressive or/and soothing. Just people having their emotional problems in various Situations (sometimes amid danger/stress. . . sometimes when they are trying to enjoy themselves. . . Sometimes those mix).

So. . . tame (generally tame.) psychological whump (mainly psychological.) I Guess. H/C-aligned.

Describe the setting of one or more of your wips

All my stories are in settings of Convenience, and usually defined more by who is there than details of the place itself. (eg. I’m picturing “Kallir gets bullied for having a Sith bf” somewhere on Taris b/c it seems like the kind of place where the military doesn’t get a lot of oversight). Nothing too exciting (or original).

What are some things that inspired your stories? Real events? Maybe a dream?

Game events sometimes, of course. ehehh.

I also have. . . not uncommonly come up w/ concepts for scenarios based on outfits. (Pirate fic arose b/c I previewed the Belsavis zap collar on Kallir. Vensys’ formal outfit was the starting point for that AU fic with the formal event)

What story are you the proudest of? Why?

I dunnoooo-- I have. . . a weird relationship w/ my writings. I don’t have consistent feelings about them (whether I think anything is so good or absolutely Unbearably terrible/cringe changes based on my own moods), and. . . A lot of the time I’m ashamed even making some/most of them for various reasons.

. . .BUT. I was (and still am) pretty proud of how I wrote our charas in the pumpkin-meets-Severine mini-story from a While back (which I just re-blogged cuz of the improvement edits last night). hehe. On fire w/ that one, writing a couple of my favorite personalities--successfully (I’d say) channeling a character that’s not even mine. 

And I don’t feel like I wasted my time if it’s a gift 4 a friend & I’ve been able to make their day with it. <3 We luv our charas. hell yeaaaaaaa

[sitp-recs]

hi :) i simply adore your blog and your fic recs are so spot on, you’ve made me fall back in love with drarry and hp. I rly love reading a fic before I go to sleep but I end up picking a 70k word one and end up staying up much longer than I wanted to so could you possibly recommend me any fics max 15k words, with a happy ending pls i need the cuteness to help me sleep 🥰 Thanku so so much xx

Hi anon! Thanks so much, I’m thrilled to know I had a small part in making you fall back in love with Drarry, that’s amazing! And what a mood lol I used to pick long fics before bed too, it’s a mighty trap 😂 I’ve read many short fics in the last year so I decided to go for these delightful and not-as-popular shorts, with excellent build up and happy endings. Perfect bedtime reads in my opinion! I got a bit too excited with this list so I’ll call it 31 Bedtime Reads! One for each day of the month ;) enjoy!

The Long Fall by @tackytigerfic (2021, M, 3.6k)

It's supposed to be a simple house renovation, and maybe it's just the paint fumes, but Harry is feeling dizzy around Draco Malfoy. And what's the real meaning of family, anyway?

oxygen by @maesterchill (2020, T, 4k)

Draco doesn’t smoke. Except when he needs to breathe.

A Charitable Christmas by Alisanne (2017, E, 5.6k)

Hermione’s plans to raise money for war orphans do not meet with Harry’s approval. Fortunately, Draco steps in to help him come up with a much more enjoyable strategy.

Harmony (Left-Handed Melody Remix) by mindabbles (2010, M, 5.8k)

He is the last person Draco was expecting, but then again, this is not a place Draco ever expected to be.

Vintage by momatu (2017, T, 7k)

Of all of the vineyards, in all of the regions, in all of France, Draco's blasted editor sends him to Potter's...

Our Ordinary Days by Lomonaaeren (2012, M, 8k)

Two men, both fathers of sons, meet in a bookshop. And the rest is the kind of history that doesn't make history.

Ice Snakes, Glow-worms and Wolverine Stew by khalulu (2015, M, 8.4k)

Harry Potter apparently wants to talk to Draco about something, but odd events keep getting in the way of that conversation – and bringing them closer together.

The Page Eleven Wars by fireflavored (2010, E, 8.5k)

In a gossip-hungry post-war Wizarding World, Rita Skeeter has a wildly successful column in the Daily Prophet known as Page Eleven. Naturally, her favourite targets are the poster boys of the two sides of the war: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.

Blind Date by JosephineStone (2016, T, 8.6k)

Draco’s been working with Harry for years when another one of his relationships goes stale. He has to be married within a year, and though the WizNet has burned him in the past, Draco finds a new possibility in man as desperate to marry as he is.

Stories in E Minor by @huldrejenta (2014, E, 8.7k)

Draco has found his place in the Muggle world. He's got his music, he's got his neighbours and he is content. Until a certain someone from the past enters his life again.

Life goes not backward by @shealwaysreads (2020, T, 8.8k)

Harry still isn’t used to gifts, but this one is different. A story of coming home, finding safe ground, and the wild courage of putting down roots.

Til Our Compass Stands Still by china_nightingale (2018, M, 9k)

Harry and Draco eventually realise that things don't always go to plan, even if it's a plan they've been carefully crafting to keep themselves safe from each other.

The Interest Here by disapparater (2015, T, 9k)

Draco has his own morning show on the wireless, which he loves; an ambitious assistant, whom he needs; and days in The Tea Shop, where he relaxes. He also has a new caller on the show, whom he finds bloody annoying.

Tidings of Comfort series by @blamebrampton (2012, G, 10k)

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. Luckily for Draco Malfoy, London has places where the tired can rest and recover.

Sweet Indulgence by @the-sinking-ship (2020, E, 10k)

It doesn't matter that Marcy from Accounting is dancing on the tables, Shacklebolt is wearing antlers, and Elliot from Transportation is on his third round of Mariah Carey on karaoke because all the free champagne in the world won't salvage the Ministry Christmas party for Draco if Potter doesn't show up soon.

Settle in in my slow-burning heart by orphan_account (2015, NR, 10k)

Five years after the war Draco is working a tech developer job in the Auror Office, and it's all great except this one thing: Harry Potter works there, too.

Adventures in Truth and Texting by @fluxweeed (2020, E, 11k)

Former Death Eaters are being targeted with a Veritaserum curse – it’s permanent, and makes victims speak aloud their every thought. Luckily, it’s easier to control when writing.

fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley (2015, NR, 11k)

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

Rebuilding Draco Malfoy by khasael (2011, E, 11k)

Draco wants to do something to get his life back on track, but no-one seems to be taking him seriously – until he finds himself in an Auror training session led by Harry Potter.

Cold Like Fire by QueenofThyme (2012, M, 12k)

Head Auror Harry Potter had no problem with mandatory consent training for his team. He’d actually been looking forward to it, that is, until he discovered who the teacher was.

What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd (2018, E, 12k)

Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

Title of Their Sex Tape by @cibeewastaken (2020, T, 12k)

What are the Wizarding world's most elite law enforcers doing when they aren't catching criminals? It seems Auror Malfoy is often caught throwing food into Auror Potter's mouth when he's mid-yawn.

Kill, Fuck, Marry by @lettersbyelise (2018, E, 12.6k)

Harry and Draco unexpectedly meet again on Draco’s birthday, years after their last encounter.

The Year of Non-Magical Thinking by whiskyandwildflowers (2018, E, 13k)

“I don't know what I'm going to do, Potter. I'll think of something. So will you. But this is my journey to self-actualization," Draco managed to smirk. "You can fuck off and get your own."

Evolution by @potteresque-ire Pie (2013, M, 13k)

Draco Malfoy was condemned to live a Muggle’s life for his three-year probation. His wand was locked away, and he was forbidden to set foot in Wizarding Britain until Hermione Granger secured a job for him in the Aurors’ stock room.

Plan Alphabet by @xx-thedarklord-xx (2019, T, 14k)

After realizing that his feelings for Harry were unfortunately real, Draco embarks on a foolproof—yes, Longbottom, foolproof—plan to woo Potter.

Countdown by dysonrules (2013, M, 14k)

When the Wizarding world is plagued by random outbreaks of Dark Magic, the Ministry assigns Curse-Breakers to assist Auror teams on their missions.

All Roads Lead Home by @dracogotgame (2015, G, 15k)

Draco is strong-armed into spending the first Christmas after the War with the Weasleys. And Harry Potter.

Espresso Patronum by @tasteofshapes (2020, T, 15k)

When Draco reappears five years after the war and opens a wildly popular coffee shop, Harry’s pretty sure that Draco’s Up to Something. He just has to prove it.

An Act of Kindness for One Harry Potter by a Sympathetic Draco Malfoy by 0idontknow0 (2014, E, 15k)

Someone should give Potter a better rogering than that sorry sod had. The man had saved the bloody world—okay, mostly Europe—the least someone could do was give him a proper shag.

Turn and Face the Strange (time may change me) by @punk-rock-yuppie (2019, T, 16k)

Draco and Harry and how their relationship—and themselves—change over the course of eleven years.

[wistfulrat]

hell ya it’s that time of the week. we got 8th year fics, animagus fics, draco harnessing the magic of shooting stars, shepherd harry being unbearably tender and hot, flirtatious holiday office parties, the drarry multi-verse told in wistful dreams! eat up, fellow yearners.

Bitter Transmutation : Cruel Transformation by @dorthyanndrarry​ - 103k, M The terms of Draco’s probation require him to finish his final year of schooling, he just wants to survive with what little dignity he has left, in face of students that hate him, falling behind on his school work, and all the strange fevers and weakness and changes… that only seem to be getting worse.

draco wants to be good. harry wants to be needed. it’s an 8th year veela fic but rly it’s draco learning to humanize others and himself via shitty creature-puberty and harry trying not to run away from his feelings. all the non-sexual intimacy and general tenderness in this fic is comforting as hell.

Owl Was Well by @fencer-x (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 66k, T Draco Malfoy is not an owl, really he isn’t. He simply assumes the shape of one on occasion when he wants to find a bit of privacy—a goal entirely thwarted because Harry Potter doesn’t understand you can’t just grab any old bird from the Owlery and force it to send your missives and deliver your packages.

god i love a truly prickly draco and a disgustingly earnest harry bc the combination breeds emotional chaos. 8th yr animagus draco going out of his way to fuck with harry only to Catch Feelings — a trope i live and die for. they’re both very scrappy in this. lots of dancing around their big mutual gay crush as they grow to begrudgingly respect each other. i personally would love the opportunity to tell off the object of my affection right before kissing them furiously.

Wish Upon a Star (As Dreamers Do) by @icmezzo - 27k, M There’s plant magic and celestial magic and dark magic and the normal magic that allows Harry to use a spell to clean his socks when Myrtle’s taken up in his laundry room again. Then there are wishes, and dreams, and love, and those are even more magical still.

harry helps out at hogwarts but mcgonagall’s asked him for help with a spell that has him fully stumped and of course he’s too proud to ask literal-wishmaker draco for help but he’s desperate and curious! there’s this breathtaking scene in a field where draco collects meteor dust beneath an endless night sky. we all lose our shit. harrys flustered bc it’s very magical and very hot of draco. feat. neville’s greenhouse, the rambunctious ghosts of grimmauld place including moody & cedric, stargazing with ur crush. literally what’s not to love.

Through the May Air, Over the Ocean by @tsauergrass​ - 44k, T Draco Malfoy never expected to find himself in Scotland or being stuck in a cottage with Potter—but wonders never cease. A story about warmth, a story about falling back in love. A story about a flock of sheep in the distant fells of Scotland.

two lonely men in the middle of idyllic shepherd pastures learning how to navigate their grief and longing for companionship. an elegiac masterpiece of a fic. there are moments so quiet and tender it aches. you want their growing love to be easy but it’s rife with mourning and fear. it makes the ending that much sweeter and earned. (also yes this was a re-read but it’s december and i live in the pacific, world of perpetual summer and humidity, so mentally i needed to be in the vastness of wintry scotland. hell ya atmospheric fics!!)

To Tame A Kitten (is to love) by @tsauergrass​ - 13k, G After the war, Harry finds solace in fostering orphaned kittens. One day, a kitten appears on his door step without explanation—and attacks him! Taking it in, he quickly finds that this kitten is nothing ordinary.

another tsauergrass rec bc im a hoe for poetic melancholy and tentative intimacy. the premise of this fic screams fluff but then you’re unexpectedly hit with harry’s longing for affection as he tries to find places to pour all that guileless love spilling out of him. the image of him smiling sadly makes me emo as hell. but rly his and draco’s loneliness are concentric circles so this is all eventually solved with hella cuddling. “I know. . .It’s tiring. But there are a lot of beautiful things, too” — destroyed me.

Sweet Indulgence by @the-sinking-ship​ - 10k, E It doesn't matter that Marcy from Accounting is dancing on the tables, Shacklebolt is wearing antlers, and Elliot from Transportation is on his third round of Mariah Carey on karaoke because all the free champagne in the world won't salvage the Ministry Christmas party for Draco if Potter doesn't show up soon.

lecherous unhinged draco is sometimes the only characterization i care about skkdkd. most dramatic bitch alive whom i personally would die for. you must simply respect the flirtatious hustle. the promiscuous licking of a gingerbread man in the shape of ur crush, pouring champagne down their shirt, doing whatever it takes to make them laugh. it’s galaxy-brain courting bc harry is Charmed. we love our fics sexy and hysterical tbh.

Our Little Life by @tackytigerfic​ - 7k, M Sometimes Harry dreams. Only they're not really dreams at all, and Malfoy is always in them. It's time travel, but not as we know it, and Harry just needs a good night's sleep.

when i say star-crossed lovers i mean this fic in its entirety i mean harry saying “I see how things could be for us, I see it all the time” i mean that part in gaudy night when lord peter tells harriet “Give me your hand, and we’ll fight on until we drop.” a thousand iterations of drarry coming together (which, extremely meta) and all that world-building in under 10k words? the skill.

[snyoonsu]

happy opening day! i’m jin (s/h, 21+), the writer behind nam ‘elias’ yoonsu (aka ‘the comeback kid’). modern day prince charming living life on cruise mode, decked out with cheat codes, but currently going into overdrive, rogue mode. and i’m super excited to meet all of you and your muses!

you can find more about yoonsu in these links (bio, profile) and below the cut as well. last but not least, hit this with a ♡ if you’d be interested in plotting! sadly i did not have my shit together enough to list out premade plot ideas, but swear i am much better at brainstorming one-on-one! i’m around on here and discord (if the tumblr im sounds also terrify you) and always down to chat. now without further ado...

background

heir to the nam family’s immense generational wealth and raised in nyc like a classic upper east side trust-fund kid (à la ‘succession’ & ‘gossip girl’). but ~global~. the nam family has roots and connections all over the globe, so he grows up traveling all over to become more ‘worldly’ and ‘cultured.’ plot twist, five-star hotels are nice in every country.

very much a leo (if ur into astrology!). really big personality, thrives under the spotlight, natural showman, and good looking to boot. that kid in school who somehow had an in with every social group, from the snobby elites to the scene kids to the nerds. just very, very good with people. could probably smooth talk a wall for hours if need be.

currently a part-time venture capitalist (b/c sprinkling money at people’s dreams and life endeavors = fun. only being partially sarcastic here) and part-time socialite (b/c flying around looking pretty and partying also = fun). tbh he’s very good at both things. 

so yeah, life is honestly pretty easy for eli. too bad he gets shipped off to the fucking middle of nowhere (ahem, daegu... which in his worldview might as well be nebraska) and is basically on probation / on the verge of being demoted as heir. and he is surrounded by his distant relatives (whom he finds insufferable) and is just drowning in cultural vertigo and having an existential crisis :)

woah woah woah, okay taking a step back on how he ends up there. tldr; he gets his gf pregnant, his parents freak the fuck out (which is an understatement... plus who are they to talk? having gotten married for purely power purposes), and there’s a very messy abortion + break-up with his gf and then his parents. psst, don’t ask if he truly loved her or wanted the baby. at this point it’s a convoluted mess b/t him actually being quite the lover-boy, being afraid of commitment, and also just hating being told what to do by anyone. like wtf???

anyways, he’s rotting away on the countryside when this pretty little invitation from choi yong comes bouncing along. he views it as a soft reset, the start of his redemption arc, a chance to prove his actual worth and capabilities (b/c everything in life is just handed to him on a golden platter, no?). oh, and a big ‘fuck you’ to his parents. so yeah, despite the charming smile and smooth manners, he’s not fucking around for once.

personality / traits

at the end of the day, he has a big heart. his warmth and sincerity attracts a lot of people and can draw all sorts of people out of their shells. he actually can feel drawn to those who are relatively more shy, reserved, or guarded than him too (possible plot dynamic?). he’s also very much ruled by his heart, ambitions, instincts, and what is ‘right’ (by his own standards... which are mostly good?).

as you might expect, he has a lot of friends. well ‘friends’ with asterisks attached. turns out once you get to a certain level of wealth, it’s hard to find actual friends who aren’t just hanging around b/c they want something from you. again, he’s very good with people and can pick up on even the subtlest shifts in another person’s mood or expression. all this makes him often overanalyze his relationships and actually quite lonely inside.

loves to be the center of attention, but is also secretly self-loathing. he wants to feel deserving and entitled to whatever praise and attention he gets; and like all people, he does have his own demons (which the world just trivializes). because to his critics’ point... umm he really did just waltz right into much of it. like talk about living life on easy mode... so a lot of his debonair charm serves dual purposes as a defense mechanism, carefully constructed to compensate for his innate insecurities. 

while he is very much a ‘good guy’ nine times out of ten, push him to the edge and he’ll default to anger and cutthroat tactics as a protective wall to hide his vulnerabilities. again, overall nice and outgoing but has scary flashes of being more cold-hearted and calculating, especially when provoked — the type that makes you questions whether if it’s even the same dude you’re dealing with. can’t run from the parents’ dna, i guess.

hates being bossed around. very much wants to be in charge of his own destiny, which is kinda at odds with what he’s born into. also hates being told what to do, but if you can get him to listen, he can actually usually be persuaded.

[cactuskate]

Chapter 3: This Can't Happen

an: sorry friends life got crazy! as a treat, I will be posting chapters 3 and 4 tonight so look out for them :)

Summary: Y/N takes a leap of fate and joins the Falcon's crew... on a few conditions. But the surly and sexy Han Solo seems to already be giving her a hard time, and she likes it?!

Warning: swear words, bruise injury

word count: 3234 (sorry not sorry)

----

You enter the Union headquarters sheepishly, trying not to catch the attention of the Sisters as you sit in the back for the daily briefing. After the last mission is handed out, and you are left unassigned, you know you are in for it. Sister Carrie stands at the front of the room, staring right at you through the crowd of Union warriors.

“Last night, Y/N and Estrella successfully completed their mission involving four war criminal stormtroopers. As of tonight, justice was served and all four men are in the custody of the Resistance. Unfortunately, one trooper came looking for our Y/N today, and they engaged in a round of combat that resulted in Y/N turning the trooper into Resistance officers sooner than anticipated. While this was the right decision, Y/N compromised the integrity of the mission so as a result of this regrettable action, the Sisterhood has decided a week’s probation will serve as punishment. That is all for tonight. You may be dismissed. Go forth and serve.”

You groan as the room turns to you, your face growing warmer by the second.

“Sister Carrie, may I speak with you for a moment?” you ask, hoping to deflect some of the stares from your peers. You approach the front to speak with the Sister. She looks tired, distraught even.

“You must know, we had to punish you to such an extreme. You had to be an example for the others,” Sister Carrie offers, somewhat apologetically.

“I understand, Sister,” you say, solemnly.

“You are one of the greatest warriors our Union has. It would be inappropriate to let your actions go unpunished. Although, I hear that this man had it coming, and it would be rude of me to not acknowledge the great service you provided to the community today,” Sister Carrie continues.

“So, I was caught on a technicality, then,” you state blandly, more than you ask.

“No, dear, it was more than just a mere technicality, and you know it,” Sister Carrie corrects.

You know she’s right. You didn’t have to say anything to him. You were right to fight back, you were wrong to reveal the details of the mission. You were so overcomed by the moment, by the trooper’s sinistry, that you couldn’t help yourself.

“I was offered a job, off-planet, as part of a cargo crew. I wasn’t going to take it. But I’m starting to think I should,” you say softly, as Sister Carrie looks at you with caring eyes. “I wanted to ask you about how it would work to be an interplanetary Union member. I think my skills would be valuable on more planets than just Tatooine.”

“My dear, I’ve been waiting for the day you ask me about this. I’m saddened it comes today, after such a difficult decision to place you on probation. Nevertheless, this is your path.”

----

“She’s not coming, Chewie,” Han sighs, pressing his drink to his lips. The two have been camped out all day in the cantina, hoping you would show up. It was late afternoon, and the clock was ticking. There was only about an hour left until sunset, two at most.

“Give her time,” Chewie urged, trying more to convince himself there was still a chance for her to show up than Han.

“Oh, get a grip. There’s not much time left, Chewie,” Han said, accepting defeat.

He wasn’t sure why he cared so much about someone he just met two days ago. Ever since he laid eyes on Y/N, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. The duo sulked in their booth, looking down at their drinks. If Y/N hadn’t sat down at the booth, they would have completely missed her.

“I have questions,” you stated, waving over the waitress to ask for a drink. Han and Chewie jolted up, startled by your presence. “Conditions, too.”

“Anything you want, you’ve got it,” Chewie exclaimed, happy you had decided to show. A wave of relief rushed over Han as he sat across from you, trying to convince himself that you were really there.

“Hold up, fur ball. Let’s hear her demands before we throw out bargaining altogether,” Han said, not hiding his excitement very well. You took a slow sip out of her glass, carefully catching their gaze - first Chewie, then Han. Han’s stomach started to churn. He was willing to agree to anything to get you on the crew, but he wasn’t ready to reveal that just yet.

“Okay,” you say, setting down your drink carefully. “First is responsibilities. I can do pretty much anything you might need a crewmate to do except pilot. I’ll cook meals, I’ll clean quarters, I don’t know the kind of wiring or mechanics the Falcon has but I’m a quick learner and have experience in repairs.” You look between the duo again before proceeding, making sure to note any changes in their expression. “I will not be joining in on your smuggling unless it is advantageous to me. I speak several languages. I am good at getting information from people - they tend to offer it to me. I would be willing to help on any job to that extent. Anything further, I’d need to consider. How does that sound?”

“Sounds fine so far, but I’m guessing there’s more,” Han said, shooting a knowing look at Chewbacca. You grab the base of your glass and spin it a couple times before taking a sip. Han tenses in his seat, watching your glass rise to meet your lips.

“Second, conditions,” you say, as you set your glass back down on the table. “I’d like my own private space on the ship. Preferably a room with a door, but I would take a corner if that was all you had. I don’t mind sharing other things, I just want my own space to sleep.”

“We have a spare room on board. No one’s slept in it in years, so it might need some sprucing up, but it’s yours,” Han says, agreeing to your first condition, wondering how many more you were going to introduce.

“Good,” you nod. “I’d also like some sort of allowance. It doesn’t have to be much, and it doesn’t have to be a share of your jobs. I’d just like enough to buy small items and maybe save some of it away,” you say, glancing between the two again.

“That’s a given. What’s your next condition?” asks Han, more seriously than before. There isn’t a single condition he wouldn’t agree to, same with Chewbacca.

“Final condition. I am not going to be sitting on the ship twiddling my thumbs when you two are out on a job. Of course, I’ll stay back when you need me to or if I have repairs to make, but I plan to venture out into whatever city we are in,” you say, pausing before you continue cautiously. “I need you to not ask questions about what I do or where I go or who I’m with, aside from emergencies or things I choose to offer.”

This was the most important condition. The answer to this would be the determining factor of whether or not you would be able to still work for the Union and live up to the oath. Han glances and Chewie, who gives him a nod.

“That’s something we agree to. But, I have to warn you, Chewie is so nosy, so that might not always be avoided,” Han says sincerely, clearly joking about Chewie, who gives him a disgruntled look.

“So we agree then, on everything?” you ask, making sure your arrangement is final.

“Yes. You are officially part of the crew,” Chewie grunts happily. Han gives you a smile and shakes your hand.

“Good, because Rella and Brendol are outside with my belongings and it would have been a pain to unpack everything,” you say with a smirk.

----

“So, that’s basically the lay of the land. Here is your room. I’m right next door, which you should be grateful for. Chewie is a big snorer, so it’s a good thing his room is next to the cockpit,” Han says, leaning on the doorframe, watching you as you take in your new quarters. “What do you think?”

“It’s great, thank you,” you say, placing your bags on the cot. The room had potential. Han was right, it definitely needs some major sprucing up. But it was all yours, and you couldn’t help but reel with excitement about your new adventure.

“Right, let’s get a move on,” Han says, turning to walk to the cockpit. “It’s going to take the better part of two days to get this delivery to Navarro. Once the cargo is delivered and we get paid, we’re going to have to figure out where to get a high paying job with the guild. They aren’t always too welcoming to smugglers.”

You buckle into your seat behind Chewbacca, carefully watching Han click on a series of buttons to prepare the Falcon for takeoff.

“I could help you find information about jobs on Navarro,” you offer. “If we can find a cantina the guild hangs out in, I’m sure I could find someone to tell me how to get a good job.”

Han turns slightly to look at you, then turns to Chewie.

“Not even an hour into being a crew member and she already is willing to talk to the Navarro guild,” he chuckles. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

After a few minutes of takeoff, the Falcon is ready to launch into hyperspeed. You have never flown at hyperspeed before. The one time you flew off-planet only required enough fuel to travel a planet over. Now, you are about to travel systems away. As the Falcon revved into hyperspeed, your eyes widened. It was the most beautiful sight you had ever seen. With stars lighting up the cabin, Han and Chewie unbuckled.

“We can move around now,” Chewie informed you, clearly entertained by your amazement.

“This is the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen,” you say, mostly to yourself.

“You get used to it,” Han said softly, tossing a rag into the bin under the main board.

“I doubt it,” you say, still in awe. After a moment, you announce, “I think I’ll go unpack.”

“I’ll take the first shift, Han,” Chewie says, much to Han’s delight.

----

After what feels like hours of cleaning and unpacking in your quarters, you venture back up to the cockpit to find Chewie.

“Will you tell me what all these buttons mean?” you ask Chewie, settling into the co-pilot’s chair for a better view.

Chewie explains each button, though you’re not quite sure what they all mean. He begins to quiz you on it when you are interrupted by Han.

“What are you doing up there? That’s my chair,” he grumbles to you, not trying to hide his annoyance.

“Stop being so weird about your chair, Solo,” Chewie grumbles back. “I was just showing her the controls.”

“It’s fine, Chewie,” you say, addressing the Wookiee, and ignoring Han. “I should get started on some of my tasks,” you say as you rise from Han’s chair and squeeze past him to leave the cockpit.

Han shoots Chewie a confused look as Chewie shakes his head in disapproval. After a moment, Han ventures out to find you. You are fixing one of the leaking pipes in the south bay when he finds you.

“Look, I didn’t mean to…”

“Be a jerk?” you offer, not meeting his eyes, still slightly annoyed by his childish behavior. This was the Han Solo you thought you’d get. The past two days of niceties were apparently a rarity. You felt him still standing there, so you looked up from what you were doing. “What do you want, Solo?”

“I apologized, I don’t know why you’re so upset,” Han shoots back, absorbing your annoyed mood as his own.

“I think I must have missed where you apologized,” you drone, putting all your effort into not showing any more emotion to him. “You don’t need to apologize, I just won’t sit in your chair anymore. Noted,” you say, poking your index finger on your temple. “And I’m not upset, I’m genuinely trying to do my tasks.”

“Fine,” Han says, still not moving. He watches you as you return your attention to closing the leaky valve. Though you struggle a bit, you eventually fix the pipe. He’s still there. Watching.

“What?” you sigh. You don’t like how much influence he has over your emotions. You’ve only known him for three days and it’s already so hot and cold with him.

“I’m trying to figure you out,” he murmurs. “It’s not easy.”

“Maybe that’s intentional,” you huff, placing the tools back in the metal box.

“I keep thinking about yesterday. What you said to that trooper. How you said he came back for a second round. You had planned to fight him in the cantina, or at least interact with him, didn’t you?” Han says, thinking out loud. “He was a target of some kind.”

Ugh. You were really regretting saying another word to that trooper. First probation, and now Han’s peaked interest.

“He’s a bully. I don’t like bullies. Simple as that,” you say, nonchalantly.

You pick up the toolbox and try to move past Han. He stops you from moving any further. His shoulders are so broad that he blocks the doorway without even trying. He is facing you straight on, your eyes meeting him.

“I don’t think it's as simple as that. Nothing about you seems simple,” he says softly.

He holds your gaze for a moment before finally moving to the side, letting you go to your next task. A pit grows in your stomach as you walk to the other end of the ship. It’s a feeling you don’t like to welcome often. You do your best to shake it off, and focus your energy into completing what tasks you can in peace.

----

You don’t see anyone until dinner, which consists of freeze dried leftovers. Not much is said - a result of a long three days. The quiet is nice; you never realized how quiet space could be. With no conversation or noise to distract you, you are keenly aware that your side radiates pain. Han and Chewie don’t seem to notice, which is just as well for you. You’d rather not think about your injury, let alone allow it to attract the attention of your crewmates. After dinner, Chewie goes to sleep and Han takes watch over the cockpit for the night. You return to your quarters for a bit, waiting until it becomes quieter before deciding to run a few laps.

Not even a day into probation and I’m already bored.

Running is exactly what you need, especially since you finished the majority of the maintenance work for the entire travel period in the first few hours. You sneak out of your room, careful not to make too much noise. Space is cold. You aren’t used to that. You look down at your side, which is now turning the same shade of deep blue as your top. Starting off slowly so as to not agitate the pain from your ribs, you quickly realize that the only time running inflames the injury is when you twist your torso. Otherwise, you can run just as well as you could before.

Immersing yourself in your workout, you lose count after a few laps around the Falcon. You are so focused on your breathing and your footwork that you don’t hear the cockpit door shoot open.

“What the hell are you running from?!” grumbles an annoyed Han. You stop short, sending a ripple of pain through your ribs, causing you to retract over your legs, hugging you side, moaning slightly.

“You scared me, oh my stars,” you groan, gently rubbing your side as you remain bent over your legs. Han stands there impatiently. As you stand back up, his face goes pale.

“Shit, Y/N. Look at your side,” he says softly.

The light from the Falcon illuminates your discolored ribcage, revealing an assortment of bruising colors. Han gently grabs the bottom of your shirt, lifting it gingerly to see the trail of color extend up to your chest. Before you can swat his hand away, he gently tugs the top of your waistband down to see the color continues down towards your hips.

“Solo, stop,” you wince, carefully taking a step back until he releases your garments.

The soft snap of your waistband on your skin sends a ripple of pain through your bones. Han quickly walks to the common room and you follow.

“What are you doing?” you ask, as he grabs a bag from under the couch. He unzips the bag and pulls out a syringe. A bacta shot. “No...Solo. I-I don’t want that,” you refuse, already realizing what he’s going to try to do.

“Y/N, you need it. Please let me,” he says, insistently, his eyes growing with worry. “I haven’t ever seen a hit get this badly bruised,” he says quietly.

“Solo, that’s your last bacta shot. You need to save it. I’m fine… That bastard just hit me in the same spot twice,” you say, wincing as you remember the blows. “It’s just a bruised rib - worst case scenario it’s broken. Most people with this injury don’t do anything but give it time. It’ll heal in a few weeks and the bruising will go down in a couple days,” you say sincerely, trying to put on a convincing face.

Han frowns, but he puts the syringe back in the bag and zips it up.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” You look at him confused. “What the hell were you running from?” You roll your eyes.

“I was jogging, trying to pass the time. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” you say, searching his face trying to get a better read on him. After a moment with no response from Han, you continue. “Luckily for you, I’m going to sleep.”

You start to walk to the door of your room when Han’s hand catches your arm. He turns you around and you meet his gaze.

“You tell me the minute you change your mind about that shot. I don’t like seeing you in pain,” he says seriously. His rough hand firmly gripping your bicep sends shivers down your back. Just as quickly as he grabbed your arm he dropped it, walking back to the cockpit, leaving you feeling a way you haven’t felt in a long time - aroused.

That night, you toss back and forth, convincing yourself that Han is off limits, for many reasons. Well, for two big reasons: he’s your crewmate, and you took an oath to the Union.

Yet, you find yourself getting more flustered by the moment. You relive the past three days, and all the times he’s watched you with those piercing brown eyes. Those things he told you in Brandol’s shop - how you deserve more - what he told you today in the bay - that there’s nothing simple about you. You try to shake the thoughts from your mind, but it’s no use. It’s nothing, this infatuation. Han Solo is arrogant and rude. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of liking him in any other way but professional.

This. Can’t. Happen.

[takirasu]

Why I cannot understand how a huge majority of the Persona 5 fandom ships Akira/Protagonist with Akechi if you’ve played the game and what is possibly wrong about it

First and foremost: I do not mean to offend or hurt anyone personally with this. This is purely analytical from the viewpoint of someone who is interested in analysing characters and character dynamics. The group of people mentioned that I dislike regarding this ship is targeted to certain types of people in the fandom that will be explained at the end, meaning if you ship this No, I don’t automatically dislike you and even if I would, who cares? It’s just me. I don’t know you and it shouldn’t matter to you. I also want to mention that obviously Persona 5 will get spoiled in this analysis as well as slight mentions and spoilers of Royal, especially the third semester. Read at your own risk! Without further ado, let’s jump into a very interesting dynamic between two characters that had potential, but – in my opinion – leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth due to what fans did and do with it most of the time and how Atlus ends it in both Orginal and Royal. I will try to be about this as neutral as possible, since an analysis shouldn’t take a side and then put my opinion about it at the end, because the aspects and whys about this matter more than one person’s opinion alone. Also, the analysis will help form an opinion and back it up. There is nothing worse to me than giving an opinion, but not having anything to back it up with.

To analyse the relationship between the two I will be taking important parts of the story in this dynamic and analyse it as well as analyse the characters briefly according to the situation and towards each other. I will be taking the Anime and Manga into this for certain parts as well. I would like to do a whole character analysis one day if I find the time and fans are interested, but since the main focus of this is a ship and what is up with it I will only analyse the moments that they either have together or that further underlines the topic.

 Starting with Akira, it is clear from the very first hour on that he has a strong want of helping other people – in need or not - and cannot stand injustice. To underline how important it is to him you have to understand that in Japan’s society it is considered incredibly rude to interfere between two adults in whatever situation given. It is not your business, like Sojiro Sakura – his guardian in Tokyo during his probation – explains to him and much more the player at the beginning of the game. In short, Akira knew what he might possibly get himself into. Even if Shido wouldn’t have tripped and hurt himself. Even if Shido wouldn’t have threatened the women to tell the upcoming police Akira apparently assaulted him. The only thing important to those who found out about the incident and know that he did not push him was still this: You do not interfere between two adults, keep your business. People who do that are considered delinquents and you really do not want this stamp on your forehead in Japan. Further, I assume Akira might be suffering from a Saviour complex. In all three media – game, manga and anime – he puts other people’s needs over himself and gets incredibly upset if he is not able to help someone or better, in Akechi’s case, save them. As helpful and kind a someone can be by nature, you have to understand that not everyone will either want your help or will be able to accept it. Not everyone can be saved and you do not have to save everyone. People who have trouble with accepting this suffer from a Saviour complex. A moment to justify both this and my first point is during the beginning of Madarame’s Palace, with one of my favourite quotes of Akira being,

“I want to help. I just want to be sure what we're doing is right. Trust me I'm not saying we should turn a blind eye and do nothing...”

After this event, Ann and Ryuji call him out for being both too timid and yet in haste at the same time. They’re barely out of the Metaverse and obviously have a private life that they need to care about when he already wants everyone to gather information on if Yusuke is really being abused and used by his teacher as fast as possible; on the same day. Again, he puts others over himself. While of course Ryuji and Ann aren’t any less concerned, to him someone might be getting hurt and there is no time to waste on matters like this. When they do find out through Nakanohara, a former student of Madarame, that he steals his pupil’s art, threatens everyone that leaves him and makes students even hurt themselves, Akira as the Phantom Thieves leader decide on saving Yusuke. Said complex also feeds his need of wanting to protect others, shown and explored more in two major scenes in the anime. When Phantom Thieves meet Akechi for their finale encounter they captured it very well. Akechi reveals he has the power of the Wild card, being able to handle more than one Persona, like Akira does. When the Thieves try to either talk to Akechi or attempt to walk up to him and handle it, Akira as Joker takes his role seriously. He tells the others, “He’s mine. Hold. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” knowing full well that nobody else would be able to take him on other than another Wild card. Another scene is when he protects Sojiro from a few police men. He knows he shouldn’t step in between two adults and he is still on probation, but the want of protecting the person that offers him shelter and that warms up to him is stronger than his own desires. He stands in front of Sojiro and shields him.

 Akechi on the other hand is one of the most interesting and misunderstood characters I have seen in a long time. While not outright admitting it himself, Akechi has this immense and unfulfilled need of being loved since his past was pretty much empty of it. His resentment towards Akira is fuelled by this since he sees how said one has a lot of supportive friends when he’s nothing special in particular. This possibly means that in Akechi’s eyes you have to have a certain standard to achieve to be special and lovable, which would explain the way he made himself for the public. He further insults Akira as a criminal who lives in an attic during their last meeting and asks himself what he has that Akechi lacks, not knowing that it is something he never grew up learning. He hates Akira, but deep down he does not. It pains him to see the exact opposite of himself and how out of place it is for him. Akira is nothing yet loved, while Akechi build up this perfect self that is special, but not actually loved. It messes with him whenever Akira is in front of him and does better than him. He is the reason he gets reminded of the things he hates the most about himself. Similar to Akira he is an outcast to society – just carefully sealed and hidden behind his Ace detective mask. Shido, who is actually his father and he only works with to get revenge on, did not care that he got someone pregnant and left, which lead to Akechi’s mother giving him away and committing suicide. In Japan these kind of families are frowned upon on, being the kid of a possible one-night stand gives no meaning to your life and only tarnishes the mother, which is most probably the reason why the women took her life. It wasn’t bearable for her in this society and she couldn’t life with Akechi’s existence. He was given from foster home to foster home, never had any parents that would give him love and that he could look up to as well as forming actual bonds with people. You see him both struggling to form an actual friendship with Sae, an adult, as well as adapt to people his age, for example the Phantom Thieves. He feels odd and has this unpleasant aura of superiority around him, since he has never learned anything regarding love and how to work and be with other people. So Akechi decides he needs to build his mask to be lovable to the public since his actual self, in his eyes, is not. He’s smart and basically reforms himself completely new for the public. His public self is near to perfect for the role of a student detective. Justice driven, charming, funny and smart. During the game while he is on stage it slips his thoughts during the moment everyone cheers for him and adores him, that none of these people know he’s an unwanted bastard child, which means that he does not think as highly of himself as the player tends to think at the beginning of the game. He is sure nobody would like him and he would never be able to become a detective if it was him as his true self that is worthy of nothing. These two things lead to him being able to be cold-blooded and cause the mental shutdowns, as well as try to kill Akira. First, he has never gotten love and affection. These things are needed for a child to grow and learn empathy, which Akechi lacks. It might almost sound mean, but from a neutral viewpoint this is why it was so easy for him. He does not feel for other people as openly as others do. Also, you have to keep in mind that every shutdown being demanded by Shido would eventually bring him closer to his goal. His father to acknowledged his existence in the perfect moment, the apex of his power, and to take revenge on him for the life he has to live and most possibly for his mother to be driven to suicide. Lastly important for this analysis, Akechi knew what he did when he decided to let himself get killed by his cognitive self, Shido’s so-called security system. First, it would have either been him and the Phantom Thieves who were the only ones able to use the Metaverse next to him and change Shido’s heart, or only him which means that there was a possibility to at least ruin his life and not make him the new Prime minister of Japan. He knows that they won’t kill Shido, but taking everything from him that is important to him, his only desire, and the reason Akechi had to live life like this to begin with seems enough in the moment he faces death. Second, he does not believe in second chances and he does not believe in forgiveness. Akechi’s believes that are present during the whole game aren’t just towards others, but also himself. He hates his true self the same way he dislikes Akira. Both his true self and Akira are nothing in society therefore neither worthy of love or forgiveness. To him, there is no other way to atone for his sins. When the Phantom Thieves defeat Akechi he states,

“You (Akira) are so lucky to be surrounded by teammates who acknowledge you. Once Shido confesses his crimes, you’ll all be heroes. As for me, people will find out my past deductions were just charade. My fame and trust will vanish. In the end, I couldn’t be special…”

The only place he could eventually feel loved was when he faked those crimes and fake investigated them, since they were his own the public didn’t know about. He could feel important and respected, have a place in Japan’s society while working on his goal of his father’s downfall. The moment the Phantom Thieves won over him, he knew this would be taken away from him since to him the only possible outcome of this is the Phantom Thieves winning over Shido and either turning Akechi in or Shido spilling during his change of heart. People relying on him and trusting him, people acknowledging him. That is what the trust and fame was about to him. The moment they meet in Shido’s palace and Akechi is defeated, it would all be taken away from him. Putting this together is the reason he decides to trap himself with the summoned shadows and his cognitive self. His father would lose everything that was important to him if he saves the Phantom Thieves and he has no reason to live in a world where he has no fame and trust from the public, since in his distorted mind he will not be worth of love and worth of existence. He wouldn’t be special. When the Phantom Thieves do reach out and tell him all the things they admire about him and give him a chance to join them against Shido, he laughs about them. His true self is out and to him, it is not lovable or special no matter what they say.

From the reasons shippers bring up for these two, Akira being devastated about Akechi’s death and wanting it revoked is a big one and the first one I want to analyse and explain. As analysed earlier, it is important to Akira to save others and help them, especially when they cannot help themselves. In certain parts, the two aren’t far from each other yet polar opposites. Akira knows that and despite everything feels empathy for Akechi after said ones tells the whole story. Witnessing someone’s death whether it is hearing or seeing it is traumatizing and it’s normal to think about it later back at home in the real world how Akira does, but taking his character analysis into consideration it probably messed with him more than it would with other people, like the other Phantom Thieves. In the anime, Akechi throws a chess piece with Akira catching it. Akira, who is not someone to have emotional outbursts, gets so worked up and angry that he hits the wall that came down in front of them with his fist before he quickly catches himself back in the role as the leader who always had and has to stay calm and collected. If you look at it, Akechi is the only one Akira couldn’t save when he knew he needed it and, to Akira, deserved it. Because throughout the whole game with so many different cases of people not being able to save themselves or being in unjust situations not once does he care about how the people are or if there is any certain character trait etc. to them in particular. Akira probably shares the same belief like his friends. Everyone is special in their own way and so was Akechi deserving of a better life like everyone else is. It messes with him so much, that in Persona 5: Royal, a game that came out 3 years after the original game and it is still tightly being fought about if it is canon or an alternative reality to which the developers have yet to make an official statement to, he tells Maruki, the school’s therapist who is interested in cognitive science, that if he could change reality, his wish wouldn’t be that all of this had never happened, but that Akechi would still be alive. While this is the number one situation people who ship the two use ever since Royal has come out, it just further underlines Akira’s character and my suggestion of him having a Saviour complex. He cannot live with the fact that he couldn’t save Akechi, when this is what the Phantom Thieves stood for. It pains him so much that his wish is actually beneficial to someone else. We know nothing about Akira’s past, but it is impossible that there isn’t something he wishes wouldn’t have happened that is outside of the game. Instead, he chose something that helps someone else and puts himself back to ease. He knows, this is what pains him the most and will for quite some time. Having Akechi back would ease his complex and give a person he thinks that deserve a second chance another tries. This is once more better shown in the anime during the last confrontation when Akira tries to talk to Akechi multiple times during Akechi’s small monologue, but eventually realizes it will be of no use. Akechi is too far gone and Akira tells the group to finish it.

Second are the moments we got early in the anime. While the game doesn’t allow this, the anime explores Akechi’s detective side a bit earlier and more for the viewer. In game, we only see Akechi working on the cases he created while he is actually really good at “real” cases as well and able to solve them. During Yusuke’s arc, Akira and Akechi work together on a few of those and Akechi teaches him how not to be fooled by rotten adults. This all goes quite wholesome, but at that point the interrogation nor the black mask reveal had happened yet. The story is early and fresh, not even having picked up the pace. It almost feels like Akechi either tried learning how Akira’s mind works, or honestly just wanted to spend time with someone he felt like was similar to him. All of this gets revoked though when he massively insults him at the end of the game, making it hard to put this in canon. It might be that Akechi was trying to give himself a chance, because Akira was probably the first person who could handle Akechi just like how he is and also accepted him just like that - since that is what Akira does with everyone throughout the game and also gets complimented and aknowleged for - but instead Akechi couldn’t stop himself and pulled through with the rest of his plans. Looking at it from another side, taking this from the anime into consideration makes the next thing and points even worse.

Last is the interrogation, probably one of the most well-known scenes in the whole game, that I want to analyse further. To begin with, Akira finds himself getting arrested due to Akechi’s betrayal. While it is not exactly explained how, it is obvious that Akechi lead the police in since only Metaverse app users can enter the Metaverse. If you have a non-user nearby, you can pull them into it. Akechi probably did this beforehand, told them to hide and gave them either a time limit or symbol. After the fight against Sae Futaba picks up enemy readings, so many that they’re being surrounded. Akira and the Phantom Thieves part ways and the leader makes all the attention go to himself so that the others can escape. In the end he gets ambushed, cuffed up and knocked out by drugs. What the player does not know is that the group had known about Akechi’s plan all along and they had to play along. All throughout Sae’s palace, Akira knew he would most probably be cuffed up by the end, but it was necessary to let it happen. Otherwise they would never be able to defeat Akechi. I would like to add that this in particular sounds pretty traumatizing and stressful as well. Moving forward and the Phantom Thieves’ plan succeeding, Akechi is unknowingly being dragged into the Metaverse. He outright plans to kill Akira, which reveals his true motive on why he worked with them on Sae’s palace in the first place. The Phantom Thieves are blocking his path of the mental shutdowns and destroying his father. It is so soon that he cannot lose due to them. He is smart about it and wants to kill their leader. Once again and as stated earlier, Akechi doesn’t feel empathy and he has killed before. He gets things done so that they are beneficial to what he needs to do further, just like how it was beneficial for him to work with the Thieves together for at least a while. Be that figuring out how they work, or just messing with them. What he doesn’t know is the person in the interrogation room is the cognitive version of Akira. He is only in there, because he just entered Sae’s palace and in her cognition Akira is in the interrogation room, which she does not have much control of. Therefore, it keeps being the interrogation room instead of anything Casino related. Akechi proceeds to shoot an innocent guard and then Akira. While doing so, he seems like on a high, fully enjoying it getting rid of him and it is almost uncomfortable to watch that is how good it is made. It is Akechi’s first time he kills someone in the real world, but it doesn’t seem to be much different for him. He shoots Akira right in the head when he has nowhere to go, tied up and completely drugged to a point that both in the game and anime he can’t talk properly and even passes out. The state Akira is in is portrayed very well and just underlines the atmosphere further. A murderer just aiming at their helpless victim. Akechi puts the gun in his hand to report it as a suicide and leaves. He never shows any remorse when they meet again, only throwing in that the two might possibly would have become friends if having met earlier. He does not mention the faked death, because there is nothing to say. It might be, because both know Akechi wanted to do it. It was necessary for his path and nobody, especially not someone like Akira, would be standing in his way. Shippers defend this situation, saying Akechi had to kill Akira. To some extent, I would analysis this as true and say that it was a possibly way of getting rid of the Phantom Thieves and continuing his plan, but is your first idea really murder to this? In such a special way? Concealing it as a suicide and not have any respect to the person you just killed? It is unlikely as smart as Akechi is that this was the only possible option he had regarding on how he would get rid of the Phantom Thieves or their leader. Killing the person is just probably the most convenient one to Akechi and again, he does not feel for others properly, since he has never learned how to. This is why he is able to plan this, kill someone he acted like a friend with, saw multiple times for weeks and just walk away. In conclusion that means it is not because he had to and also not because he wanted to in particular, but because Akechi did not care and therefore made it possible to just shot him and continue with his life. It is one of the most important scenes in the whole game and does a lot to the development for all three characters involved (Sae, Akechi and Akira) yet shippers throw it under a bus with the sole statement that he had to.

Putting everything above together, the major moments these two had, shipping Akira and Akechi is complicated and probably not the best.

To finally conclude my opinion to this. In another world, Akechi could learn a lot from Akira. He has a lot of empathy for others and wants to help, which Akechi lacks. It would have been good for him and the part where Akechi mentioned that they might have become friends if met earlier made me emotional as someone who does not support it in a romantic way. In this moment, I thought of them as friends. I thought myself thinking of what would have been if they had met one or two years earlier. Two people who get better through each other and learn from each other. As much as I love this character trait from Akira, I have had my personal fair shares that having this can be negative at times. It would be good for him to have someone that shows him the opposite or at least a middle path. Both characters go All-Out on this. It is either full on empathy or complete lack of empathy. Either you want to save everyone or you’re okay with killing whoever as long as you obtain your ultimate goals.

Many people have stated already that the ship is quite abusive. Anything that comes out of Akechi’s mouth towards Akira in both game and anime (I’m only referencing the anime since the last two times because the manga is barely at Futaba’s arc yet) after revealing his true motives, is negative. Either he insults him directly or the way he lives, just because he found someone that reminds him of himself deep inside if he wants to or not. That gives him no right to act like this, even when psychology is complex. And if you want to defend this, it gives him no right to shoot him and actually visibly enjoy it – which you cannot deny and a lot of people in the fandom stated as well. He didn’t have to, but he did. He wasn’t forced to, but he did it. I wonder if Akechi tells Akira he hates him for the fact that he did make him feel something. Not in a romantic way, again, but more in a way of empathy and this feeling of friendship and he knew he had to stop this.

There are a lot of good people in the fandom fan of his complex character. I don’t necessary like Akechi as a character, but I find him interesting and good to talk about. As for liking or hating him…the interrogation scene happened the way it happened let’s just leave it at that. Sadly, there are also a lot of people in the fandom who will shove this ship down your throat. Somehow, it is superior to them and it should be canon. I have seen so many tweets and Tumblr posts, especially with Royal and its’ third semester that genuinely leave me concerned. What started as 3AM ramble to my friend ended up being this 5000 words essay on why the situations and character traits stated above get taken out of context or misunderstood by shippers. It goes further when you find out that some people ship it because it is abusive to begin with. They acknowledge it and love it and while there are more important things in life than this, I just found it too concerning and also very annoying at one point, I had to make an analysis about it and clear some things up. I have blocked a lot of tags regarding this ship and I still see it every day in the fandom and get attacked if I say something against it, so I just made this  post, knowing that people will eventually get mad at it. But, I honestly really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed writing about Akechi’s character. He is interesting, complex and there is so much to talk about him, but do I ship him with my favourite video game character? Hell nah.

If you want to add something to this, feel free to. I also enjoy respectful and normal discussion about this! I researched a lot for this, re-watched a few anime and game scenes and wrote for a total of 7 hours. If you enjoyed it or it made you think a little, it would be kind to let me know. I haven’t written anything in a while and my last character analysis was years ago, so this was quite a challenge, but knowing how popular this ship is and how much worse it got with Royal’s existence, I had to put this out. I’m going to be honest here. If they would’ve met a few years earlier, who knows if this wouldn’t have become one of my ships (I don’t interact in a lot of shipping to begin with so), because the basis of it is nice. But then the actual plot happens. All this stuff from the interrogation until the end happens and shippers just dismiss it or try to make it sound less bad. Like it’s the actual plot. It’s there. This is how P5 goes down. Akira’s one of the most traumatized characters I’ve come across in fiction and Akechi does a fair share to that. Don’t just dismiss that so your ship can be cute. It won’t, I’m sorry. And if you want to come at me for shipping in general, I as well ship something with complex and interesting dynamics within this game. It’s appealing, but not like this.

 Thank you for reading this if you got through all of it! I seriously appreciate it and my non-existent sleep does to! - May

[skullsramen]

everything i didn’t say.

summary: The day before Ren was to go back home, Goro wrote him a letter expressing all his emotions and everything he ever wanted to tell him but never had the chance to due to their unfortunate situation. This is everything he didn't say. 

a/n: hi! this piece was inspired by robbie daymond’s stream a month ago. he was asked by to sign a print answering the question “what would akechi say to akira/joker before the end?” and robbie answered with “we could have been great together” and it just made me feel all the feelings and then this piece was born. i really enjoyed writing this! hope you like it!!

pairing - ren amamiya/goro akechi

word count - 868

warnings - one mention of guns and killing but it’s just mild. also one use of bullshit and that’s about it. 

————————————

3/19, Sunday

Ren,

We could have been great together. 

I can only wish that we had more time. If we had met a few years back, I just know. I know that you with your overflowing charisma, you would have prevented me, you would have been the driving force that would have caused me to rethink everything. You would have stopped me from going down that point of no return. 

I could have lived my entire life as Goro Akechi. No trivial debates on morality, no working for Shido, not even an ounce of regret or vengeance in my body. The Detective Prince wouldn’t exist. If only we had time on our sides.

But, I guess time has its favorites, doesn’t it? I was never one of them. 

But you were. You came to Tokyo, became a Phantom Thief, met your friends, and then you had the nerve to waltz into my life like the showman you are. It was all perfect timing. You could have been shipped off to a different part of the country when you were put on probation. You and your class could have arrived at the TV Station on another date, one when I wouldn’t have been filming. But no, time had other plans. You just had to meet me and utterly ruin my life. Perfect. 

One would say that fate is the one to blame here. But, fate determines if something is bound to happen. On the other hand, time determines whether or not you are there to experience it. And you, you were there that day and you made it known to everyone, especially to me. 

It’s all because of you that I feel things, do you know that? You would smile when one of your friends tells some idiotic quip I will never understand, and it makes my chest physically hurt. You smile and it makes me want to do anything in my power to see it again. How pathetic is that?

But what’s even more of a joke is on that day I met you, I had a feeling. I had a feeling that you were going to utterly ruin me and put a wrench in my plans. Do you really think I had no idea that you knew I was the one behind all the psychotic breakdowns and mental shutdowns? I knew you were going to change the way I perceive the world. I knew you were going to be the reason that when I hold a gun and my finger settles on the trigger, ready to end someone’s life, I will actually hesitate. You did that, Ren. And I let you. 

I would never admit it to a soul, not even to you, but you did change me. When we’re together, it all makes sense. It wasn’t a lie when I told you that whenever I’m with you, I am given the opportunity to just live as Goro Akechi. When I’m with you, every little thing falls away. The admirers vying for even a second of my attention, the nagging voice in my head to get right back on track with Shido’s orders, everything disappears. Suddenly, I’m Goro Akechi. Normal high school student, not an ace detective. Just plain, old Goro Akechi who is completely enamored with Ren Amamiya.

And then, time grabs me by the collar and yanks me back into reality. The constant ticking of the clock is a reminder that time is the one keeping us from being together. Time made you believe I was shot to death in that engine room. Time played me like a puppet on strings. Time drove us apart, Ren. 

We could have been great together. 

When we’re at the jazz club and you’re sitting across from me, I am praying to any god that would be willing to get off their high horse and listen, that time would just freeze for that very moment. The soft melodies of the musicians playing that night, the look on your face as you ask me how I’m doing, I wanted it all to stay that way for even a fraction of time. I wanted to stay as Goro Akechi for as long as the universe would let me. It’s those few minutes that I will never get back. It’s just never enough though. 

I have had it with time’s bullshit. I am no longer going to sit around while time takes you away from me. If you believe in taking control of your own life, then find your way back to me. I believe that you can. 

I mean, if there was something else I knew from the start, it was that I was right about there being something special about you. After all, you got me of all people to fall hopelessly in love with you, now isn’t that right? 

Tomorrow, when you get on that train, I want you to think about how if it weren’t for time, we could have had a chance at a life together. A life where we could just be. 

Let’s defy the universe. Let’s defy fate. Let’s defy time itself. 

After all, you still have my glove, don’t you? 

Irrefutably yours, 

Goro Akechi 

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Beyond the Corona Walls Part 1

Ah, now we’re finally here at season two; the dullest season. Yet there’s still plenty to talk about so let’s dig in. 

Summary: Rapunzel has begun following the Black Rocks and joining her on her journey are Eugene, Cassandra, Pascal, Maximus, Fidella, Owl, Lance, Hook Foot and Shorty (who stowed away). During this time, Eugene is planning on proposing to Rapunzel again, but when Rapunzel accidentally reveals herself when he is practicing it causes an awkward situation between the couple when Rapunzel doesn't give him an answer. Meanwhile, Rapunzel and the group are making their first stop in Vardaros, a city Eugene and Lance previously visited in their past, but discover it has become overrun with criminals. While Eugene and the boys remain in the city to gather supplies, news of Eugene's arrival quickly spreads among the citizens, including the city's leader, the Baron, a criminal kingpin who previously worked with Eugene and Lance in the past and seeks revenge. Eugene, Lance and Shorty are quickly captured by the Baron's men and taken to his castle where they met by the Baron and his daughter, Stalyan, Eugene's ex-fiancée. The Baron threatens Lance's life unless Eugene marries Stalyan. Meanwhile, Rapunzel and Cassandra meet Adira, a mysterious warrior who harbors knowledge on the Black Rocks.

The Audience Needs More Than Just Single Lines of Exposition 

(Yes, that’s a lot of screen grabs and this is where a video review has the advantage, but I’m not fooling with editing, so there ya go.)

King Edmund of the Dark Kingdom here is talking about the moonstone and how he wishes to destroy it. 

But how has it destroyed lives? What has it and the black rocks done besides some property damage? Why is he only now just considering this option when the moonstone has been there for centuries? Why leave to prevent people from using it, when the whole point of having a strong hold there is to safeguard it in the first place?    

There’s lots that we can theorize here; I’m of the mind that his wife was impaled on a black rock, myself, hence his break down here; but the series doesn’t show us that. Telling us that the moonstone is a threat isn’t enough, you have to prove that it is. Cause right now only the rocks have been shown to cause damage and in this very same episode they stop being a threat and don’t do anything. 

Well Looky There, Cass Got a Promotion 

So this line, plus all of Cass’s previous guard duty work coupled with her protective nature this season, more or less cements that she was personally appointed by the king to be the princess’s bodyguard. She’s no longer a handmaiden. 

Now watch as the show completely forgets this little plot point. 

Why Are You Here Hookfoot? 

As I said earlier, I do like Hookfoot, and in theory I don’t mind him coming along to round out the group. But in practice he doesn’t really add anything. You could slot nearly any other character into his place and nothing would really change. In some cases, things would even improve without him. 

Really Raps? More than Anyone?

More than the poor orphaned boy that you stole that scroll piece from and threw into a dungeon? The one that spent months translating that scroll and trying to figure out the rocks while you sat on your ass and did nothing? 

Oh, yeah, Varian is currently in jail by the way, and Rapunzel fully knows this, despite Frederick promising to try and help him. 

I can understand the mains not letting Varian come along on this trip, but keeping the character who thus far has the most connection to your ongoing arc away from said arc entirely is bad storytelling. There were countless ways to incorporate Varian this season that didn’t involve hiding him away for a year. Including having him come along on probation, because he’s the only one who can read the your dang macguffin. 

Marriage Isn’t a Trap, Stop Acting Like It Is

Marriage doesn’t stop you from living your life. You can be married and still do whatever it is that you enjoy. If it’s a healthy marriage then you and your partner will work together to help each other fulfill their dreams. Especially, when you got the money to do it, which, as royals, Eugene and Rapunzel both got in spades. 

Also we aren’t even talking about getting married right now, just getting engaged. An engagement can last however long you want it to. There’s literally no reason why Rapunzel and Eugene couldn’t have been engaged, or even married, for the rest of the series. 

I know you got a time frame show and this is suppose to lead into the Happily Ever After short, but then you need to give like an actual physical reason why they wouldn’t want to marry yet, cause otherwise you’re just spinning your wheels and wasting the audience’s time with this melodrama. 

Why Are You Here Shorty?

Shorty’s inclusion doesn’t bother me as much as Hookfoot’s. A. Because he’s a movie original and this is a spin off, and B. Shorty doesn’t take away anything. Including him doesn’t steal screen time from anybody else since he gets no real focus. It just also doesn’t add anything either since he gets no real focus. Your mileage may vary on how detrimental this is. It personally doesn’t bother me, but I’m not going to act like it’s great writing or anything either. 

We Needed More of This

Remember how I said that there’s no longer any threat this season? 

The rocks themselves could have been enough to push the narrative forward, same as they did in season one, if the series had bothered to show their destruction more often and claim that finding the moonstone could help fix things. But all we get is this one scene of a once prosperous town being junked. After that the story never focuses on it. The townspeople more or less get on with their lives, the rocks stop doing anything, and we see no more damage beyond this point.  

Also keep in mind that we are never told what taking the moonstone and reuniting it with the sundrop would do, nor how it might help anyone. Rapunzel has no longer has a reason to go on her road trip.     

In fact this whole season long quest now becomes pointless because not doing anything would in fact be the better option. Which in turn undermines all of season one as well, because we just spent 24 episodes saying that not doing anything is bad. So which is it show? Make up your mind. 

Once Again, Marriage Isn’t a Trap

I wouldn’t mind this kind of talk so much if the show was using Lance and Hookfoot here to set up a later contradiction and challenge this kind of thought process. Cause as is, this is a pretty toxic and sexist mentality. Ladies are no less ‘free’ when they get married. Eugene doesn’t like own Raps just cause he becomes a husband. She can still do whatever the heck she wants. But no, the show only validates this outdated thinking instead.

Cass Deserves To Get Her Butt Kicked 

Can’t spell Cass without ‘ass’, hun? 

Adria doesn’t do anything here. She cheerfully asks to talk to Rapunzel alone, respectfully requests not to to have her personal space invaded more than once, and even then she tries to deescalate the situation as Cass tries to pick a fight over nothing like a school yard bully; even going so far as to shout elementary insults at her. Which Ardia takes all in stride.

If you’re wanting me to take Cassandra’s side in the Cass vs. Adria fallout later, show, then you’re doing a poor job of setting that up. Being cautious with a stranger is one thing, getting butt hurt after being rightly called out on your BS is another. 

Let’s Talk About the Slap Here, and the Fans Misportrayal of Stalyan

Most of the fanbase hates Stalyan, and rightly so. She’s not meant to be likable. She is a villian and the show portrays her as such. However, certain fans like to take things a step further than that and take scenes out of context to imply that she is somehow even worse than she actually is. Scenes like this one for instance. 

Keep in mind, Eugene stood her up. He left her at the altar. As in, he didn’t have the decency to break up with her face to face like a respectful human being. The whole point behind Eugene’s character development is that he use to be a jerk. 

I’m not going to act like Stalyan is a sweet and wholly innocent victim here, but you look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t slap your cheating ex too when you finally saw him again after that? And yes, it is implied that Eugene use to cheat on her. More on that in part 2.  

The point is you can’t just shout ‘abuser’ when all you’ve seen of a relationship is the post break up. Cause you have no idea what went down, and people aren’t always friendly with their exes. 

Now we most definitely should have gotten more info on what their relationship was like and more context around the break up, and that is a failing of the show. But a good chunk of the complaints hurled at Stalyan aren’t based off anything she actually did and is more rooted in sexism and fandom’s toxic shipping habits. 

What you can rightly criticize Stalyan for is inconsistency. 

Stalyan’s Actions Don’t Mesh With Her Motivations 

So does she want revenge or does she want to marry him? Which is it? Cause those two things aren’t compatible. 

If she still loves Eugene and still believes that he would come back to her, than she wouldn’t be threatening him now. Like I said, marriage isn’t a trap. It’s not punishment. It’s a thing people actually want, and they want their partners to want it too. If her goal is to convince him to marry her, as stated, then she’d wouldn’t be mean to him right now and she wouldn’t be going along with this 'force him into it’ plan. 

Look, this entire plot needed a rewrite. I’m not saying that you need to make Stalyan nice nor have her be wholly forgiving of Eugene’s past actions, but you really, really, needed to keep her in the dark about the blackmail. Especially since they try and fail to make her sympathetic later on. 

As is, Stalyan is just a confusing character. You gotta do a lot of reading between the lines and digging for exposition (some of which we don't even get till the end of season 3) to make any sense of what she says and does. 

But I’m going to give it an honesty try come part two. 

Conclusion 

I’ll give my finally thoughts in the second half of the episode/review. But for now the only interesting thing is Adria herself. The Baron stuff just drags and feels like a waste of build up. 

[thelordofdarkreunion]

Magnificent Scoundrels- Explanation of Caution

Part II of “Pariah”.  Sorry it took so long for me to get this out, but I had to re-write it four times.  The first was too boring, the second too weird, the third too long and too boring and so on.  On to the story!

Aboard the Omen

The marines looked up with barely concealed hatred at Cain.  The man in question barely noticed it.  He watched, impassively, as the Valhallan Guardsmen tore through the marines’ personal possessions, tipping over containers, opening drawers, and searching every inch of their quarters and person.  Teams of Imperials were searching the entire ship, weapons at the ready, bayonets fixed.  For what exactly, Adam Vir and the crew of the Omen didn’t know.  Only that every member of the crew, alien and human alike, were being held at gunpoint as Imperial Guardsmen walked through the ship’s long halls.  

“Nothing on the Captain’s logs, sir,” said one of the Valhallan officers.  Vir looked at her with a frown on his face, arms crossed.  He had allowed them to do what they wanted to avoid any bloodshed or misunderstanding.  He was getting rather fed up, though.  If this continued for long, or if things got violent… he still had the Iron Eye suit on under his clothing.  Kill Cain and the guards, if necessary, get to the armory, take back the ship.  Chaplain Tope walked into the room.

“Nothing, Commissar.  Not even amongst the xenos,” he reported.  Cain turned to face him, black greatcoat swirling.  

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” replied Tope.  “They can all stand in the presence of Imperial relics and prayers.”  

“Good.”  Cain keyed his comms.  “Colonel?  Major?  Have you found anything?”  

“Nothing.  No signs.  We used their blueprints to search the entire ship.  Everything is clean.”  Vir couldn’t take it anymore.  

“What’s going on, Cain?  What are you looking for?”  Cain turned to him and seemed to be musing things over.  He spun around.

“You.  Marine.  What is the proper procedure if you’re being charged in battle?”  The marine looked at him strangely.  

“Uh… fortify a secure location or take the high ground?  Fight back from defensive positions?”  Cain nodded slowly.  Good.  

No signs of taint.  No mutations.  No psykers except that Emperor-damned xeno.  The marines don’t show any signs of excessive violence or willingness to get into close quarters.  No murders in training.  No odd cliques or groups.  The entire ship is exceptionally sterile and clean.  No strange blights or markings.  No signs of drugs or orgies, thank the Emperor.  No perverse and blasphemous symbols painted in blood or other… fluids.  They can all stand being around Imperial holy relics and Jurgen.  Nothing.  Nothing wrong or out of the ordinary throughout the entire ship.  Trust them or not.  

You are Commissar Ciaphas Cain, noted for his mercy.  Hero to your men for not cleaning house when other Commissars would have.  You have orders to investigate.  You have already trusted xenos.  You have already trusted Vir.  

Innocentia nihil probat.  Innocence proves nothing.  Trust leads to a poor end.  Your life matters the most, above all else.  Hate the xenos.  Cleanse the xenos.  More trust leads to heresy.  That way the path of damnation lays.  

He came to a conclusion.  Compromise.  

“Admiral Vir, I believe this has once again, been another, uh… cultural misunderstanding.  Forgive me for my thoroughness.”  He looked over at the still put-off stare of the Admiral.  “I believe I told you that it’s better to explain too much caution than suffer for not enough.  If you’ll come back to my office, I’ll be happy to explain.”  Nodding slightly, the same expression still on her face, Vir followed him out of the room.  The Imperial Guardsmen stared at the marines for an eternal, awkward moment before their officer snapped at them and they retreated from the room in an orderly fashion.  The officer presented a salute, then turned on her heel and marched after them.  The marines stared at each other.  

“What was that all about?” asked Ramirez to no-one in particular.  The other marines shook their heads with varying degrees of anger and perplexity.  

“I’m not sure.  But I think I know someone who might…” trailed off Maverick pensively.  

In the (Temporary and Borrowed) Office of Commissar Cain 

Vir followed Cain’s billowing greatcoat back into his office, the place where this mess had all started in the first place.  

“Sit down,” offered Cain.  “Want anything to drink?  Tea?  Re- uh, actually… I believe your word for word for it is coffee?”  Vir rubbed his forehead.  

“Yeah, sure.  Coffee is fine.”  Cain nodded.

“Jurgen!  One tanna, one recaf.”  Cain looked back at Vir.  “Tanna leaf tea from Valhalla, recaf is coffee.”

“Recaf, re-caffeinated… makes sense.”

“I suppose,” sighed Cain as the drinks were brought in.  “Now, on to business.”

“Yes.  I would quite like to know what all of that was about.”  It was more of a statement than a question.

“...yes.  Of course.”  Cain rubbed his neck as he tried to find a way to explain.  “Where I come from there exists… a corrupting influence, is probably the best way to put it.  Uh…”  His hand drummed on the side of his mug.  “Now, again, where I come from, there are… some… who have… unnatural abilities.  They can do… strange, strange things, among them telepathy.  However, to access these… abilities puts them into contact with this corrupting influence.  Without the blessings of the Emperor, the havoc these individuals can wreak is enormous.  It is much, much better to be careful in these sort of situations.  I am sorry that this might have been a breach of trust, but if you or anyone else here were actually corrupted and hiding it, the damage to everyone and everything else would have been catastrophic.”  He paused, and offered a sincere smile.  “If there is any way to repair this mistrust, please tell me, and I shall do my utmost.”  Vir waved him off.

“S’alright,” he muttered into his coffee.  Another damn misunderstanding.  He sighed to himself and looked up.  “Now, what about Jurgen?

Maverick entered the Imperial chapel.  The temperature here, in contrast to the rest of the Valhallan quarters, was quite mild.  While she’d known that the Imperials had built a small chapel on board, she’d never been there, instead meeting Chaplain Tope in the sparse grey of one of the Omen’s conference rooms.   She didn't quite know what she had been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this.  

The lighting in the room had been toned down.  The normally cheerful white of the rest of the Omen was gone, replaced by a faint yellow glow.  Dripping white candles lit an altar, their flames barely flickering in the ship’s recycled air.  Kneeling before the altar, his head bowed in prayer, was Tope.  A gilded statuette of the golden Imperial eagle was placed reverently on top, next to the candles and a heavy leather bound tome.  The entire room had a dark, almost oppressive, gothic feel to it.  It was such a contrast to the normal Omen it stopped Maverick in her tracks.  

Was that a… skull floating in the corner?  She did a double take.  Yes, indeed, there was a human skull floating in the corner.  Some sort of metal anti-gravity device was placed where the skull normally connected to the vertebrae, and a heavy red prosthetic, glowing an eerie red in the dim light, covered one of its eye sockets.  What the hell…?

Above the altar was a painting of a man.  He wore a suit of strange armor made of gold, carved and gilded to an almost astoundingly impressive degree.  His hair was jet black, and flowed to his shoulders.  A massive flaming sword was held in one hand, and a corona of golden light illuminated his body.  But it was the expression of such utter righteous fury that took her breath away.  This was someone who knew what they were doing was right, and would have no problem utterly annihilating anyone in their way.  This figure could only be one person: the Emperor who the Imperials so fervently worshiped.  

Tope finished his prayers, made some sort of strange symbol with his hands towards the altar, then smiled over at her.  

“Chaplain Maverick.  How can I help you?”  Chaplain.  Not corporal, not just Maverick, chaplain.  Interesting.

“I was wondering… exactly what just happened?  Why was Cain searching the ship?  What was that all about?”  Tope nodded, and smiled again.  

“Ah, yes.”  He paused for a moment, thinking.  “Tell me, chaplain.  What do you believe?”  Maverick looked at him oddly.  

“Uh, well… I’m not with any particular religion.  I’m really just here to attend to any sort of spiritual needs of the crew.”  Tope gave her a strange look.  That’s not what he was asking.  

What do you believe?

“I believe that there are other… things out there.  Spirits, if you will.  I can… feel them, almost.  If that’s… what you mean.”  Tope nodded sagely.  

“Of all the people on this ship, Cain and the Guardsmen included, I feel as if you are the wisest person here.  I think you understand the most.”  Maverick looked at him oddly again.  Tope continued.  “You see, you are a marine.”  He gestured at her physique.  “You are quite strong, quite physically capable.  As a marine, having seen battle, having seen death, I’m sure you are also quite mentally strong as well.  But there is more to that, as you well know.  Spiritual strength.  The strength of faith.  The strength to resist what is beyond.”  He gave a small, kindly, laugh, then a reassuring pat on the shoulder.  

“Faith alone shall save.  I saw your face when I explained our religion to you.  There is a reason we worship the Emperor.  He is the guardian of humanity.  Everything about the Imperial Cult can be summed up with one simple phrase: the Emperor protects.  Always.  And if you have faith in Him, he will protect you as well.”  Maverick nodded.  So, that’s what they were afraid of.  The beyond.  Apparently, it was a lot worse where they came from.  Good to know.  Tope reached over to a side table, barely visible in the dim lighting, and picked up a heavy leather book with (of course) a golden eagle on the cover.  

“If you’re ever interested in learning more, read this.  It might help answer some of your questions.”  Maverick took the book and nodded.  

“Of course.  Thank you for your time, Chaplain.”  He nodded in response.  

“Any time.”  Maverick turned and walked briskly out of the room.  She decided not to ask about the skull.  

Cain pursed his lips.  “Yes, of course.  The reason why this all started in the first place.  Jurgen.”  Vir’s one good eye looked at him expectantly.  Cain sighed.  “Again, if this gets out, I’ll be forced to kill you.  Just a reminder.”  He took a sip of his strong-smelling tea, then began.

“Jurgen is a blank.  The people who I told you about earlier, the ones who can manipulate reality and other such things, are called psykers.  They draw their power from a strange, corrupted place, as I already mentioned.  Jurgen is the opposite of a psyker.  He doesn’t change reality, he anchors it.  Any sort of… things… tricks…” he struggled for the right word, “Things that do not exist in reality, any changes cannot… take effect, if you will, near him.  He shuts down their power, usually with a fair amount of pain for the manipulator.  I’ve seen all sorts of reactions to him, from fear, to pain, to outright secures and unconsciousness.  Usually any psykers cannot bear to be near him,” he finished.  He considered something for a moment, then continued.

“It should also probably be noted that blanks are extremely rare, hence the need to protect what Jurgen actually is.  Also, there isn’t any way to stop this power, so, unless you have any ideas, your alien is just going to have to stay away from him.”  Not that I’m too terribly concerned about it.  

“I understand.  I guess I just have to think of something,” mused Vir.  He stood up.  “It was good to clear things up, Commissar.”

“Of course.  The pleasure’s all mine, Admiral.”  Vir walked out of Cain’s office, nodding to Jurgen as he left.  Wasn’t that interesting?  He’d never heard of anything like that before.  Someone who could block… well, magic.  Knowing some of the things he did, knowing the nature of some threats out there, this was a handy tool indeed.  Yes, this could end quite well if he played his cards right. 

And there we have it.  Unfortunately, Conn is just going to have to stay as far away from Jurgen as possible and/or try not to read the minds of anyone close to him.  As usual, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, criticisms, or requests, feel free to ask!

[hamaon]

Okay I know I already asked but if you feel like allowing another request, Lan Xichen?

Lan Xichen, oh Lan Xichen.

How I feel about this character No thoughts, feelings only. Flute swirl cute. Fingers? Cute. Gnawable. So elegant and conducts himself so gracefully. What a good boy. What a joy to the eye. Someone should kiss him a lot.

He’s so consciously good to everyone all the time. He’s so invested in being fair and he thinks about the world and how people and he himself relates to it so much. (“If there was no one but you in this world, Young Master Wei, you could do anything at all you wanted, but no man’s an island and we live in a society.”)

Massively fucked up about him always. It’s so fucking unfair. It’s, oh no. Canon gives him no path to recovery. I talked about cathartic negative emotions before, but this one feels too raw. From a shipping perspective it is a pretty satisfying note to end on ngl, but my mind still shies away from such total devastation. I can handle Jin Guangyao passing away, apparently, but letting myself think about Lan Xichen having to deal with the circumstances that led to that for the rest of his life is how I end up with fifty bazillion post-canon scenarios where there’s some closure because fuck that, actually.

All the people I ship romantically with this character Just the one guy. This is now a xiyao free space.

People have probably pointed this out before, but it really struck me the other day that the clothes Jin Guangyao is wearing when he first gets legitimized have the Jin sigil on the damn shoulder area like everyone was wearing as wee baby students during the Cloud Recesses lectures. During those episodes post-Sunshot, he’s not even a proper Jin. He’s a Jin pupil. He’s on PROBATION.

Meanwhile Lan Xichen is wearing the biggest, fanciest clothes he does in the show (I guess you could make an argument for the costume in the Empathy flashback), this is absolutely a man with power. Put them next to each other and look at them for a little while and you have like the largest possible gap in social standing they can have while being recognized gentry.

And this discrepancy was all that I could concentrate on while watching the episodes with that one Jin gathering where Wei Wuxian downs Lan Wangji’s drink and throws his weight around. Lan Xichen waits for the cup-slapping feat. Jin Guangshan to be over and quickly goes through the motions with the end-of-event niceties as a Lan representative and then, in his heavy-ass robe, hurries after just-an-intern Jin Guangyao like wait honey here’s a napkin (handkerchief) from my purse (sleeve) and oh man, he does not personally experience the person that is Jin Guangyao in terms of their social standing.

...Then they stand shoulder-to-shoulder in these fits in later episodes/scenes and pass opinions back and forth without either one being a particularly dominant voice in the conversation, generally sharing an outlook. Cute.

...End of xiyao free space.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Wei Wuxian! Okay, not really, but I do find all of their scenes together and their varying levels of tensity entertaining. I love Lan Xichen’s moments of gentle trolling in the show, whether or not they’re out of any particular personal fondness. Wei Wuxian shows a certain carefulness around Lan Xichen, I think. It’s a fascinating relationship in all of its iterations.

I should answer Lan Wangji, probably, in that he’s the actually close non-Jin Guangyao relationship Lan Xichen has that I’m most about but, hm. You know how sometimes people ship things in a way where [character A] is the one they’re actually invested in, and [character B] is merely a convenient vessel to make whatever they want to happen with [character A] happen? That’s pretty similar to my feelings on the twin jades.

I like Lan Xichen’s devotion to his brother, and how you can read a whole lot personal sacrifice into it (you will never convince me that the baby brother wasn’t their mother’s darling), but that’s about Lan Xichen, not the both of them. The small gestures of concern from Lan Wangji’s side do make me feel some emotion about them as a unit, but it’s, as has been pointed out, a very uneven relationship. That’s not really a bad thing, and it’s really what you would expect considering everything from their birth order to their family situation, but I don’t feel particularly strongly about Lan Wangji, who necessarily is the main focus both in canon and fandom because of that, so yeah.

My unpopular opinion about this character I suppose there are the usual opinions regarding ignorance, intelligence and passivity. That last one is what I dislike personally; basically every scene Lan Xichen is in he is doing some sort of complex situation management. Unfortunate that a character so resistant to the textual bad guy of the story (mob mentality lol) is such a joke to the fans at times.

However, I’m not here to talk about any of that. I’m here to talk about Lan Xichen and force! Used against people, but also in general. Because I’ve often seen expressed the wish that he should “get” to kick ass more and oh man, I don’t think Lan Xichen should fight, not more.

Okay, let me back up a little, it’s not that it’s a horrible thing that he, like, was very effective and active in a war most of the cast fought in, or goes on night hunts occasionally. But it doesn’t seem like it’s of a particular interest to him, either.

There’s this promo picture for the Untamed that I love where all the other Lan are posing with their swords (not Lan Yi, we’re not counting Lan Yi), but Lan Xichen’s is nowhere in sight and he has his flute, instead. It’s not that it’s not a weapon, also, but it’s so much more than that, and even when wielded as one it has a much wider variety of uses than purely destructive ones. The Lan have their music, but Lan Xichen seems particularly associated with his instrument over his sword.

Or take the live action scene where he blocks Nie Mingjue and people love to focus on that one part, but he... never draws the blade, the scene starts with him standing to the side, because he understands that it would be better if the two more relevant parties in this conflict managed to sort their differences organically between themselves, and ends with him standing aside again, because Meng Yao indicates he wants to take the lead. The bulk of the defending/persuading he’s doing is purely verbal (and eloquent!) and he raises his scabbard only when it’s literally the one thing that’s stopping Meng Yao from being cut in half. It’s the final option.

I like it when characters have “obvious” in-born traits (big, strong) that would seem to lead them down a certain path, but do not in fact suit them particularly well in reality, and when they are allowed to be recognized for qualities they themselves feel more connected to, which to me in Lan Xichen’s case is diplomacy and de-escalation. It can be an interesting reminder every now and then that, yeah, he could probably take control of a scene within seconds if he felt like it, but really only because it underlines how he’s... not doing that. When Zewu-jun has to actually go on the offensive, it feels like a loss. That’s not what this person is here for, fundamentally.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon The eyes-closing thing is nice, it says to me that he often finds the goings-on stressful, and that the way he recharges is by checking out for a moment. He’s worked hard, he should get to do that! Permanently. Let Lan Xichen walk out of society for good.

...Oh no, he kind of did.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 4: 1x13 The Conscience of the King

Past midnight and I’m tired but!! The Conscience of the King!

This was a wild ep. A lot to untangle about it.

Dramatic Shakespeare! Jim’s very invested in the performance.

I legit thought that the guy next to him was McCoy the first time I watched this. I hadn’t seen much ST at the time and that’s my excuse but also in my defense he has a similar facial structure and it’s dark.

“What do I do about my log???” New hydration game: drink whenever someone mentions their logs.

So Tarsus had only 8,000 people--that’s not very many. They must have been very isolated and new. And Kodos killed 4,000.

The Karidian players are part of the “Galactic Cultural Exchange Project.”

One of my problems with believing this Kirk/Lenore romance outside the usual honeypot aspects is that she is a little young for him perhaps??? I say as if I didn’t know couples with a bigger age gap but--she’s only 19 so it’s different.

So Kodos faked his death, fairly immediately had a daughter, and then changed his identity. Her age being exactly 19 is probably just about keeping math simple but I would like to read more into it than that.

Major plot hole that there’s a PICTURE of Kodos in the database. Like???? Then everyone knows what he looks like? The idea that only 9 people have the secret knowledge to bring him to justice and yet also everyone with an internet connection can see his photo is just nonsense.

Kirk, being charming at a party. I feel like his flirt game isn’t so strong at first (here, have this glass I’ve already sipped from?) but it gets stronger as their conversation goes on. He doesn’t have the greatest lines but his attitude is so charming and attractive it legit does not matter what he’s saying.

I used to feel, at least, that Lenore was one of his real, legit love interests, probably because of the ending and because it was one of the first eps I saw so I took it as more face value, but on a rewatch... not really sure. At any rate this initial flirting is all about the Strategy.

I find it somewhat disturbing that Lenore played her father’s wife.

The Astral Queen??

Lenore is really bad at judging Kirk, like from beginning to end. If this were airing now and I were in the fandom, I’d be getting into internet fights with people about how her analyses of him are biased and shouldn’t be taken at face value because they clearly have no connection to how he actually is. “Where’s the brash young man from the party?” Was there ever a brash young man? Is he in any way different on their walk versus inside??

A dead body, what a mood killer.

I like the aesthetic of this planet, though.

Wow, wtf, Kirk, your friend’s widow is crying and you give her a five-second hug and then literally push her off screen? Gotta hurry it up ma’am!

So he just has to say ‘over and out’ and the communicator cuts the transmission and he can call someone else. Very high-tech.

Spock is displeased. A little suspicious. A little jealous.

How did you know she was coming on the ship? “I’m the Captain.”

Spock should appreciate how sneaky Kirk is being with all his schemes. It’s not Menagerie level but still.

Riley! I wish he were in more eps. He’s one of my favorite minor characters. I realize he’s only in this one because they accidentally cast the same actor twice but still--he had potential. I see he’s been taken out of Navigation. And given a backstory in Engineering, and then moved to Communications. But he keeps the gold shirt. Busy fellow.

“Star Service.”

So he transferred Riley to protect him because he figured... no one knows where Engineering is?

I love this Spock and McCoy scene. McCoy being so laid back and Spock being like “I am suspicious of this suspicious situation.”

Vulcan was never conquered though??

“Your personal chemistry wouldn’t allow you to see that” sounds an awful lot like a veiled “you’re gay” reference.

Someone finally comments on the romantic lighting that follows Kirk around.

Wow, how did all this “surging and throbbing” talk get past the censors? Tone it down, Lenore.

Kirk claims he eventually really liked her, but this is like the last positive scene they have and he’s still CLEARLY fishing for information.

Love that cut from Lenore and Kirk making out to Spock alone on the bridge at night, brooding. (No one needs to steer the ship at night I guess?)

Poor Riley, stuck by himself in Engineering during the late shift. “You’ve been a bad boy.” I love when the crew gets to just hang out and be friends. Also interesting that Uhura has borrowed Spock’s harp.

Spock: “Riley can’t die because KIRK.”

This is a great triumvirate scene. I love how they play off each other, and how they simultaneously care about each other and about their jobs and doing the right thing.

I do find it weird that McCoy is so anti this whole investigating Kodos thing. Like, this isn’t some crazy vengeful path that Jim’s on or whatever he’s implying. Jim’s actually being pretty careful and slow in his actions? And there is someone actively killing people, like--the threat is imminent? It’s just a weird side to represent. I get the balance they’re trying to portray with the three sides but McCoy just doesn’t have a good argument and Jim doesn’t really need to be pulled back--if anything, he needs to be pushed, as Spock is pushing him.

“Logic isn’t enough. I’ve got to feel my way.”

 Double red alert sounds like double secret probation.

Spock shushing the Captain.

Throw the phaser out the window.

Lol after all this hullabaloo about being extra sure and all this scheming to get people on his ship--Kirk just comes out and asks Karidian if he’s Kodos. Well that’s one way about it!

Kodos, like his daughter, fundamentally misunderstands Jim. I know he seems very ‘starship captain with his technological tests’ or whatever but--to call him not human?? He is the MOST human!!

Kirk does understand life or death decisions but he would never have made the decision Kodos made.

I’m with Spock, this is not ambiguous. This man is clearly Kodos. I’m glad there was a character actively saying that the alleged tension in this “who is he really?” plot line is not actually real.

This guy is such a manipulative drama queen oml.

I feel like the morality of this situation is not as gray as some characters are trying to make it. Like, no, Lenore, no one’s crying a river for Kodos lol.

The Kodoses again are either not good at reading Kirk or are deliberately trying to gaslight him into incorrect beliefs about himself because he has literally been nothing but human and merciful this entire time!!! An inhuman person would be like “logically he has to be Kodos” and an unmerciful person would be like “and he needs to die” and just like killed him 10 minutes into the ep.

This is the downside of audio logs--private things don’t stay very private.

Riley’s on the loose! Very IC of him.

I love that the ship has a theater, btw.

Riley must have been very young on Tarsus. No more than maybe 6, 7 years old. Knowing what I know about people’s inability to actually remember things or identify people with any accuracy at all, I don’t actually believe he recognizes Kodos’s voice. But what were we saying about how Kirk is unmerciful and in human?

Riley sure backs down fast when Kirk says so.

This Lenore and Kodos scene is probably the best in the whole ep. Really laying bare their fucked up relationship and how absolutely, tragically, irredeemably mad she is. The drama! I love a true wild woman.

The irony! The Shakespearean over-the-top-ness of it all!

You know at least one person in the audience thinks this is just a really weird play.

Leave it to McCoy to ask all the wrong questions lol. He wants to know if Jim liked the girl--who the fuck cares? He knew her for one day. Maybe he was briefly legit interested in her for a few minutes there, but she’s certifiable AND she tried to kill him, so that’s that on that.

The real important thing we should be talking about here is how Jim feels about the death of a man who killed 4,000 people and traumatized him for life.

And Spock stays away entirely, instead of walking over the chair as he usually does. Giving Kirk space to sort out his feelings, perhaps?

So yeah there’s a lot to unpack in this ep.

I think I once ran across a tumblr post that said this ep implied Kirk was slated to be on the to kill list but honestly it’s pretty clearly the opposite--Kodos killed exactly who he wanted to kill, so if Kirk’s alive, Kirk was supposed to live. (I guess they thought the implication came from Kirk being one of the people to see him? But we have no idea what the circumstances of that were, or why the people to see him included a couple of teenagers and a small child.) Also I think I heard once that there was a deleted line about Kirk saying he was one of the people considered worth saving.

This ep is really wild because introducing Tarsus into Jim’s background really changes a lot and introduces a lot into his character and yet it’s basically just done for plot purposes, to make sure the main character stays at the center of the story. But truly it must have transformed him to witness that at ~15.

Overall we hear very little from Kirk directly here. We know he wants to be sure Karidian is Kodos, and he goes to a lot of trouble to be sure, even though it’s quite obvious there’s no mystery to these massive coincidences. We know from his actions--bringing the players aboard, using Lenore, transferring Riley--that he’s deeply affected by this. And sometimes people (who don’t know him well) talk about him, mostly incorrectly (though in a way where I wonder if the writer was trying to get us to think this stuff is true of him? for the dramatic effect?) But for all that, he doesn’t talk about his feelings much at all.

Another take on this ep that I also saw on tumblr and liked a lot was that Kirk is so optimistic and hopeful in part because of Tarsus, because he saw that Kodos rushed to kill people when he really didn't need to, when he didn't think the supply ship would come in time--but then it came early. So the lesson to take from that is, to always be hopeful, to always believe in the last minute save, to always prioritize people's lives and safety first because anything could happen.

I feel like we're supposed to feel bad for Kodos in some way because he left all the mass murdering behind ages ago BUT it doesn't work so well because we're also supposed to believe, imo, that he was the killer, not Lenore. Like, Spock wants Kirk to act as if this man is Kodos and be proactive, but he's not doing it because he's a vengeful person--he's doing it because Kodos, he thinks, is threatening Kirk. Spock never goes beyond that to advocate, for example, a vengeance killing versus giving him to the authorities versus idk just yelling at him or something. So this idea that interfering with Kodos in any way is just being mean is sort of bizarre--there's an active threat here.

Plus sorry but committing genocide 20 years ago isn’t something we just sweep under the rug. He was the mastermind of something truly horrendous and he got away with it! I’m not going to feel bad for him!

And on top of that the idea that he was just killing people to save other people is one thing--at least morally gray I GUESS lol. But he was targeting people for his own eugenics purposes!! He even says this is part of "the Revolution." The famine was an excuse. He wanted to kill them.

Like I realize most of the people getting on Kirk's back for literally everything are the Kodoses, who are nuts and evil, but I feel like he took a lot of shit for doing nothing wrong.

My mom was wondering how Lenore knew her father was Kodos. I’m not entirely sure but I will say I love her and how just unrepetentedly mad she is. I prefer Lenore to most TOS women because I often feel like the show doesn't......really know how to write women. With Lenore there was no attempt to make her anything but off her rocker nuts. And the twist that she was the killer was effective.

She has that very classic insanity, which is the person who has only one thought and it consumes them. Only one purpose. I think she must have been raised separate from literally everyone but her father--he's been a traveling actor her whole life, so she never socialized, she never went to school, she had no other family. He's very private so she never had, like, a social circle. So he's her WHOLE WORLD. And then maybe she got suspicious as to why that was, and discovered his past. And then she felt that this past threatened him, and anything that threatened him threatened EVERYTHING. So she became...this person we see here.

And, as my mom also pointed out, the ‘body burned beyond recognition’ story is so suspect. With all their future tech? There was no way to id it? Also, what was the official explanation as to how that happened? We know 4,000 people were killed; we know a supply/rescue ship came early, and we know Kodos died and his body wasn’t identified. But what’s the rest of the sequence of events? Was there a riot or revolt and he was killed? Did he kill himself? It’s unlikely he burned to death on accident. The point is that he did not fake his death by himself.

One downfall of this ep is that it is very complicated for only 50 minutes. So much stuff is cut short or cut out--a lot of the backstory, most of Kirk’s feelings, but even stuff like Riley backing down so fast, or Tom’s widow getting literally pushed off screen while she’s grieving. The idea that Lenore and Kirk were supposed to have a real romance somehow? And, the eugenics angle is obviously a huge part of the story but it’s barely touched upon.

According to the trivia on amazon, the original script explained Kirk's presence on Tarsus as being related to Starfleet--he was just out of the Academy and stationed there. That would make him older than other episodes assume him to be--about 42, versus 34-36. But I like it better having him be a teen bc then we don't expect him to know all the stuff that went down later, the aftermath etc. My mom suggested he might have been doing the high school version of a study abroad year, since he’s so smart. This would also explain why his family doesn’t seem to have been on Tarsus, even though if we take his age from other episodes, he was not an adult.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think AOS Kirk was on Tarsus, if in fact Tarsus happened at all in the alternate universe. I just see no evidence in his character that would make me think he’d had that experience.

Next up is Balance of Terror, yet another favorite episode. I mean Mark Lenard?? Romulans?? Can’t go wrong with that.

[enby-hawke]

Summary:

For Lucky Hawke, becoming Champion did not mean consequences from hiding his apostacy from the Chantry. 3 years later, he’s gained his freedom, with stringent conditions. 

Hawke is pissed off and decides to test his luck and gets drunk and parties at in his usual Hangout, The Hanged Man. Templars are alerted and Cullen and he get into an argument about him leaving. Cullen is being nice. Hawke is being an asshole.

Ship: Hawke/Merrill, mentions of past Fenhawke and Hawkbela. 

Words: 7,696

Tags: 

drinking tw, anti-templar sentiments, anti-chanty sentiments, anti-cullen sentiments from Hawke, huge spoiler warning for plot, Modern Thedas, lucky getting in trouble with the chantry again

“Sluuuuuuuurrrrrrrp, slrpp, slrrrrrp, slrrrp,” Hawke and Cullen maintained a death stare, neither one blinking. A crowd was gathering at Hawke’s usual drinking table at the Hanged Man, some recording on their phone as Knight-Captain’s Cullen’s face got redder and redder. An obnoxious, “slrrrp” erupted from Hawke’s Coffee Star extra-large extra-foam double whip mocha caramel smores iced coffee anytime the templar tried to speak and it fell silent as soon as the man stopped speaking. And began when he attempted to speak once more.

“Curfew is-”

“Slrrrrrrrrrrp!” And then Hawke would sigh when he was done looking like he was finished. He had his arm around Merrill who was red as a beet and would grow redder and redder each time he slurped, her elven ears as low as they could go. Her meadow green eyes were giant saucers under all the stares and the cameras that always seemed to follow Hawke.

“Vhenan,” Merrill whispered angrily, shaking him.

“Sorry, it’s just a really good coffee,” He smiled at her as if he was not antagonizing the second-highest ranking templar in all of Kirkwall. He was a little drunk and very pissed off, especially since it was Cullen who decided to answer this call. Fenris and Varric, also drunk, were snickering while Sebastian stared into his water not saying anything.

Cullen grunted. “Really-”

“Slrrrrrrrrrrp,” Hawke made a face of pure bliss. “Mmmm they must have improved upon the formula while I’ve been gone. I can’t stop.”

“Lucky, this isn’t funny,” she shook him a second time. “They could take you back to the Circle! Stop acting like such a child.” He looked over and saw her eyes pricking in worried tears. For a second Hawke thought maybe he did take it too far. Shoulders slumped he looked like a whipped puppy and looked away. “I guess I can take the party back to my place. It’s cleaner. I’ve got better drinks and the floors aren’t sticky.”

Varric whistled. “Mark the day Broody. On the 3rd of Bloomingtide, Daisy made Hawke regret being a total dick.”

Hawke grinned moving to punch Varric but the dwarf pushed aside his fist.

“Actually if you have liquor in your home that’s a violation of your-”

But then Hawke was back to slurping, angrily glaring, trying to drown out Cullen’s irritating voice.

Cullen was shouting now, and pushing his way forward so his nose was almost touching Hawke’s, his tight blond curls falling in his knitted eyebrows, “and if you’re in violation of your probation and I’m going to need to escort you to your mansion to confiscate any illegal contraband and-”

Hawke leaned forward, making Cullen take a step back, still slurping. The flash of cameras and the sound of Cullen’s voice growing louder and louder until-

“ENOUGH!”

Aveline, who told Hawke she was at an important meeting that night, pushed herself between Hawke and the Knight-Captain and she shook Hawke and slapped him.

He turned back to the table where everyone was avoiding his gaze except for Sebastian. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Fuck you, Choir Boy!” Hawke almost pounced but Aveline stopped him and pushed him away.

“Don’t get angry cause you don’t have sense,” Aveline growled. “What is wrong with you?”

Hawke rubbed his cheek and considered slurping in response, but he knew that was a sure-fire way to get him knocked on his ass. It’s happened before. “I just want to have a drink with my friends like old times.” That was it.

“Wake up, idiot! You’re on probation. You’re lucky, Lucky, that Orsino released you at all. You know Meredith’s looking for a reason to throw you back in but do you listen to reason? Can you see past that arrogant ass you call your head? You have people that care about you and you seem intent on sabotaging anything good in your life. What do you have to lose for you to see that?”

He didn’t know what to say so he looked at the floor as an awkward silence filled the tavern. “I’m sorry, Aveline.”

“Thank you, Guard Captain, for talking some sense into the Champion,” Cullen said running his gauntlet through his hair. Hawke wished he could slurp his coffee.

“That’s not all I’m doing. Turn around,” Aveline ordered.

“What?” Hawke didn’t understand at first but saw she was bringing out her cuffs.

Hawke was furious. “You’re arresting me?”

“Yes, I am Champion. You are 4 hours past curfew. Turn around!” Her voice spoke of finality.

Hawke’s cheeks were burning and at first, he just glared at her. He considered taking Merrill’s hand and locking himself and her in his mansion, never to come out again. But he knew no way would end well.

“Do not make me force you into these handcuffs. I am done coddling you.”

“But you’ll protect him right, Aveline?” Merrill sniffed. Hawke looked back and immediately regretted it. Varric and Sebastian were on either side of Merrill comforting her as fat tears rolled down her cheeks, her soiled handkerchief clutched in her hands.

“Always,” Aveline said softly, her anger fading. “This is to protect him.”

Hawke defeated, set down his coffee and offered his wrists to her. Now he wished he could take the whole thing back but it was he knew it was too late for that.

She accepted this, forcefully and efficiently cuffing him. “If you cared about Merrill, you’d stop doing this to her.”

The cameras and reporters followed the Guard-Captain’s patrol car from the Hanged Man to the Kirkwall Barracks. Aveline opened the door for Hawke from the back of her cruiser, and as soon as he stepped out, the two of them were swarmed.

“Champion, is the Guard Captain taking you back to the Circle?”

“Guard Captain Aveline are you arresting the Champion because you agree with the Knight Commander?”

“Hawke do you plan do lead protests on the Knight-Commander’s new curfew policy.”

Both Aveline and Hawke knew better than to say anything more than “no comment” until they were completely out of the mess. Hawke was getting used to being blinded by flashing lights every time he stepped out in public now, though that did nothing to alleviate his anxiety. Every time a camera flash Hawke would flinch, wondering if an attack was coming. He was sweating through his shirt, grateful that Aveline was there to guide him through the crowd.

A row of Aveline’s guards formed a wall around the Barracks forming a barricade for the reporters. They parted for Aveline and Hawke and closed ranks as soon as they were through. “What a mess you made,” Aveline growled, squeezing Hawke’s arm.

He was escorted to the barracks in silence but he could tell she was fuming. She uncuffed him in a small cold cell with a metal frame for a bed. She didn’t leave though. He could tell that she wanted to say something. A proper apology?

So he started. “So…I fucked up.”

“You think?” Aveline crossed her arms. “But do you actually feel bad or do you feel bad it didn’t go your way?”

“I am trying to say I’m sorry.”

“And I need you to stop apologizing and think things through for once.”

“You’re just full of wonderful insights tonight,” Hawke rolled his eyes.

“And you never know when to quit,” but there wasn’t any anger in her voice. She did sound worried which made him more pissed off for some reason. “I think you need help, Hawke. Professional help. If Leandra saw what I did tonight, I think she’d be crying alongside Merrill.”

Fury hit him and he almost swung. “Enough! You made your point!” The mention of his Mother erupted a pain he wasn’t ready to face and he knew if he kept having this conversation it would turn into more than an argument.

“Then are you ready to act like an adult, now?” she narrowed her eyes.

Hawke threw himself on the bed facing away from her so he wouldn’t have to look at her anymore.

He could hear her sigh, and after a few moments of silence, she said, “I shouldn’t have to remind you what’s at stake.” She closed his cell door and the electronic lock beeped before sliding into place.

He spent the night in a cold cell with a sheet and 4 bare concrete walls a steel door and a toilet. Aveline had either completely isolated his cell or there wasn’t anyone else committing petty crimes in Kirkwall tonight. Completely isolated, he tried his best to get as comfy as he could and fell asleep.

In the Fade, he traveled to Merrill’s apartment, thinking that’s where she would stay tonight and he was right. She was nestled in an uneasy dream. He was back in the Circle, she was crying herself into a Hawke’s pillow, Boof’s head whining alongside her in her lap. He’d done it again. He’d made her cry.

He stepped into the dream and woke her up. The reality of the dream melted away until they were just in her room again, the eluvian reflecting in the corner of Merrill’s night lights. The tears continued to run her down the vallaslin on her cheeks. “I knew you’d come.”

“Always,” he said and reached for her.

She didn’t reach back and instead put her face in her hands and sobbed. “Why did you do that?”

That was a question he didn’t have an answer for. Not a good one anyway. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you alone, again. I’m an idiot.”

“No,” she said angrily and raised her head, glaring. “You’re the smartest man I know and that’s why you should know better. They’re trying to get you now. Don’t you see that? They’re making it personal now!”

She collapsed back into her knees curled into herself as she short ragged sobs escaped from her throat. Hawke sat beside her, not knowing if she wanted to be touched but she leaned into his chest. That gave Hawke the permission he needed to wrap himself around her.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Hawke admitted. She was trembling, tears hit his chest and for a moment he just held her trying to make sense of what was now his life. Before he knew it, he felt a tear fall off his chin and when he wiped his eyes they came back wet. Crap. Was he was crying now, too?

He cleared his throat, hoping Merrill had not noticed, and squeezed out the rest of his tears before they could swallow him, but the same dark thoughts kept plaguing his mind. He always was a loose cannon. His mouth always seemed to run away from him no matter how he tried to wrestle it. He was always impulsive, always blowing up, always paying for consequences he could have avoided if he just. Shut. Up. He didn’t know how long he spent in silence, replaying the night in his head when suddenly Merrill had pushed her way into his face, staring intensely.

“Talk to me,” Merrill pleaded. She cupped his cheeks and pulled his face close her eyes like a lush, cool meadow, The straight bridge of her nose pressed against his as she bore into him. “We can this figure this out if you talk to me.”

Hawke froze, averting her gaze. He couldn’t. The more she knew, the more she was in danger. She was already Dalish. He didn’t know if he could protect her from the Chantry and he wasn’t sure becoming Dalish again would exactly solve either of their problems if they wanted to stay together. That’s all he wanted. Aveline’s always made her feelings clear. Isabela and he hadn’t talked since she told him she was leaving Kirkwall. Things between him and Fenris were awkward and doomed. Anders and Bethany saw him as a monster. He’d already crossed lines between them ages ago. Even Varric seemed uneasy being connected with Hawke at times even though he’d never say that. Just Merrill. She understood without question why he made the choices he made. Their friendship was awkward but so precious to him. He always saw his friends as family, but Merrill was the only one who never questioned it. He liked the way she leaned on him and he didn’t realize all the ways she let him lean too. And he loved her, adored her, worshiped her. People wrote her off as ditzy but Hawke knew better. She was easily the smartest woman he’d ever met. His research to restore Bethany whole would not have gone so far if not for her help. And she had the kindest soul in the world. He wanted to protect her kind heart.

Why did it take him so long to realize she was the one?

When he finally was able to return her gaze, he knew exactly what he wanted and he grabbed her hands, folding them into his. “Marry me, Merrill,” he said breathlessly.

She pulled away from him, confused, and stopped crying. But when she registered what he had just said her face twisted in anger.

“No!” she cried out. “Wait that’s not my answer. Vhenan, what is wrong with you? This is not the most romantic moment.”

“I’m sorry I’m not good at those. When should I ask?”

“Don’t ask me? It’s supposed to be a surprise!” she pushed him but it was more playful than angry. He was happy he could still make her smile.

“I just need a time frame. Tomorrow? Next week? I just feel it’s kind of urgent cause I don’t know if I’m going back-”

“I’m not listening. I’m not listening and I don’t want to talk about that,” Merrill shut her eyes and Hawke shut his mouth quickly. Finally, when there was silence Merrill shook her head. “People call me dumb but that was the dumbest thing I ever saw. Why? Why did you do that?”

A momentary lapse in judgment? Could he claim madness? It seemed like only Anders knew the loss of control he felt when he was around templars especially when they tried to cow him into line. “I just wanted to stay.”

“You know the rules.”

Hawke gulped down. He had heard that maybe fifty times that night, but he could never bring himself to raise any lip to Merrill. She had a way of making him swallow his pride like he was a kid eating his broccoli. “You’re right.”

She blinked, surprised.

“If there’s anything clear to me tonight it’s that I’m an idiot so if you have any suggestions on how to make things right, I’ll listen.”

“To me…” she said uncertainly, pointing to herself.

“I’ll always listen to you,” he leaned over and kissed her forehead making her blush in the way that always made his heart flutter.

“Well…”she started to think, placing her finger on her chin and then turned to him, looking uncertain. “I think you should make a formal apology to Cullen.”

Oof. But Hawke nodded. “I’ll do it.”

“Really?” she said, leaning back surprised. “Then will you clear all the alcohol from your mansion? I’m scared they’ll use it against your case.”

Double oof. But Hawke nodded.

“Then we should listen to the curfew- at least until your probation is over.”

“Well after tonight they’ll probably extend it but, yeah. Yeah, that’s not a problem. Anything you say.”

Merrill smiled mischievously, putting her forehead on his. “Am I the only one that can keep Lucky Hawke in check-Oh, I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility.”

“I’ll try not to be too big a burden,” he teased and leaned into her lips, pressing against her. He wrapped his arms around her to cradle her, but waited, not sure how she would respond.

“Oh, come here,” she said in an annoyed tone and threw her arms around him, pulling him down on top of her.

Lovemaking in the Fade was always an ordeal. There was the threat of demons and curious spirits and they were constantly interrupted, but Hawke had to admit sometimes that made things hotter. After they attracted and defeated a desire demon they decided it was better to just talk. Merrill spent hours just updating him on what happened at work at the Coffee Star, how Orana and Bethany and Bodahn and Sandal were taking care of the mansion, how she was exploring ways to unlock the eluvian and just little stories about their friends that he was missing. She even mentioned Isabela, said she got a text, though the conversation they had was superficial.

The memories of Merrill’s soul merging with his and the memory of her pleasured moans soothed away all the anger he had felt the night before and when he opened his eyes, everything seemed brighter and more colorful. The frame of the metal bed was hard and he was sure he tweaked his back, but he was in a remarkably chipper mood. Merrill didn’t say yes to his proposal, but he knew she wanted to. Now was to just think of something romantic. Surely that wasn’t impossible. He was wondering what the Dalish customs were for courting when Aveline opened his cell. She could tell something was different.

“Good morning Guard Captain. You’re looking rather dashing in that outfit.” He jumped up, brushing himself off, his usual cock-sure grin spread across his face.

“It’s my uniform,” Aveline said warily, waiting for the butt of the joke.

“Well, it always looks fetching on you. So what news? Am I a wretched Circle prisoner again?”

“I don’t know,” she said crossing her arms. “You’re to go home and get dressed and prepare for court. Meredith has called an emergency hearing on your case.”

“She would,” Hawke nodded. This wasn’t good but he could handle that. It would just mean he’d have to think of something more immediate.

“Are you…ok?” she raised a concerned eyebrow.

“So how did Donnic propose again?” He strained to remember. There was something about a picnic and wine on the beach, and how the ring box fell out of his pocket and opened, ruining the surprise, but all the other details were escaping him.

“Is this really the time?” From Aveline’s expression, Hawke could tell she thought he was messing with her.

“Well if I learned anything from my time in the Circle is that it’s precious and shouldn’t be wasted. Every moment is precious, Aveline.” He breathed in the stale air, chemicals and stale blood and some bleach. He closed his eyes happily just grateful to be alive.

“You’re acting weird, Hawke. Should I be worried?”

“No,” he put his hand on her shoulder, grinning. “Just thank you for slapping some sense into me. You’re a true friend.”

Aveline looked utterly confused and she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do I need to drug test you before we go?”

Hawke was feeling high, though to be fair, he had gone straight into denial, blissfully pushing the troubles of last night far from his mind. He was still free at this moment and he would stay free no matter what it took. He’d kiss Orsino’s ass, Meredith’s ass, even the Divine’s ass if it meant he could just spend the rest of his life with Merrill and if that didn’t work they’d flee. The only thing that mattered to him was keeping Merrill safe and it had felt like his world had just shifted. It was like the sun touching a clearing after a long rain, he could finally see his way forward.

He put his other hand on her shoulder, face completely serious and stared straight into her confused dark green eyes. “You are a beautiful, intelligent, remarkably fierce, and principled warrior and I’m grateful every day to have met you.” Then he pulled her close, hugging her. “Whatever happens, Aveline, I’m here for you.”

Aveline sniffed in sharply, more confused than ever, but awkwardly returned the hug. When Hawke pulled away he was beaming and she knitted her eyebrows together, worried. Finally, she sighed and led him out of his cell. “Let’s go see what damage you’ve done.”

Orana had already another pressed suit prepared when Hawke walked through the manor. Like always, she anticipated his needs before he even had to tell her. He promptly stuffed himself into and when he asked her to start gathering up all the alcohol in the house she wasn’t even phased. “Messere Hawke?” she confirmed with a nod, her blond hair fastened in the usual neat bun. After all these years she still refused to address him as just Hawke. Hell, he’d even take Lucky. She was practically family now, though perhaps he wasn’t doing enough to make her feel the same. “Should I prepare your Mother’s lumpia for the party?”

He considered it, one more wild night before he was dry for good- or until the Chantry was done crawling up his ass. “Actually, I was planning on giving it all to Varric, well for a fair price, but if you could just have Bodahn and Sandal go ahead and get that packed up before court is over, I’d appreciate it.” Hawke knew if it was still here when he got back he’d get thirsty. It was better he kept a clear head, anyways.

It was Orana’s turn to be confused and she widened her light green eyes but nodded. “I’ll inform Messere Feddic.”

He straightened his tie in the mirror, foregoing his usual cartoon prints for a more serious diagonal black and white stripes. He even had time for a haircut so he shaved up off most of it, but left a curly pile on top of his head, though he kept the streaks of pink.

He had gotten out of the habit of dismissing her, and she just stood there waiting while Hawke continued to pick over his appearance, nervously. Finally, when she realized he wasn’t going to she turned to leave. Suddenly he turned around and said, “Orana?”

“Yes?” she asked turning back and smiled sweetly.

“Are you…happy? I mean…is there anything you need to be happier?”

She smiled even sweeter. “I owe you everything, Messere. I wouldn’t dare ask for more.” He didn’t know what he expected.

Hawke hated the way she flinched around him, and he was careful with his temper. When he was upset, she was terrified. She never disagreed, never showing any sign of pain or discomfort and it made him feel like crawling out of his skin. Anytime he asked her opinion on anything she wouldn’t give it until he gave his, always agreeing with him. She was still afraid of him, still waiting for him to turn on her. He tried hard not to leave messes, to leave things out, but he was so very forgetful that by the time he remembered about them she was almost always already done tidying. The only room that she left untouched was the basement and his office which was the only place he left disasters.

He’d hired tutors to help her learn to read after learning from Fenris that slaves weren’t allowed to, and she often spent her hefty paycheck on books and movies. Her favorite were romantic comedies and sometimes Hawke would join her and Bodahn and Sandal. Since she never left the mansion, he got her into VR and videogames and she spent most of her free time exploring romantic surrealism worlds, or just mundane character simulations or shooting zombies, which she was not bad at. He often came home to find her on his flat-screen or plugged into the internet, sometimes cussing in Tevene. When she caught sight of him, though, she would always promptly turn it off, no matter how much he insisted she could keep playing. Eventually, she got comfortable enough to be Hawke’s second player but she was always apologizing whenever she perceived she made some mistake no matter how small. She agreed to just about anything he asked of her even when he insisted she could say no, and eventually he stopped asking her to do things. These days let her run the house as she saw fit and stayed out of her way.

Hawke sighed. “Well, if you need anything just let me know.”

“You are too kind, Messere,” Orana said.

He wasn’t, but he had stopped trying to convince her otherwise. That conversation only upset her. He turned back to the mirror, wondering if he had cleaned up enough, and when he saw his reflection staring back, he just wasn’t sure.

“I am sorry,” Orana said suddenly.

He turned around again to see her adjusting her sleeve, a nervous habit of hers. “You have nothing to be sorry about,” Hawke replied.

“What they are saying on the news…I had hoped…” she started and stopped and looked him in the eye. “You don’t deserve this.”

He didn’t know what to say, but she had too many of her own problems to be fussing over him. He gave a cocky grin and said, “Don’t listen to what that headline says. They’re just trying to sell a good story.”

“But-” she realized she was starting to argue and she quickly clamped her mouth shut. Progress.

“Hey up for a game of Wicked Grace, later? I’m thinking of inviting Merrill and the gang over to celebrate.”

“You haven’t even found out what the Judge is going to say,” she said quietly.

“I told you,” he said, still grinning, and he took one more look at himself in the mirror. His demeanor at least looked, confidant. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Hawke looked at the crates and crates of his super ultra super expensive alcohol collection piled up in the back of the truck and felt like he was going to throw up. But he wasn’t drunk. Maker, he wished he was. And he was especially craving the Ferelden Dragon Piss. Varric told him he just liked it because of its name, but Hawke swore the burn spoke to him, like a dragon fire in his throat. He usually took to burping out flames after taking a shot and he was going to miss that.

Varric whistled, “You have great taste, Hawke.”

“I’m glad it’s going to a good cause,” Hawke laughed, but inside he felt like dying. Why was this harder than he thought?

Hawke climbed up the truck and slid down the door, the metal shuddering as it shut. “This is it…”Hawke pretended to tear up and dramatically wiped his eyes, though if he wasn’t careful real tears would spring. “Just 365 days left until we meet again.”

“I will write a proper eulogy for this moment,” Varric said taking out a handkerchief making a show of blowing his nose. They then laughed, shoving each other.

“You’re so full of shit, Varric,” Hawke laughed. They gave the ok for the Bodahn to pull out of drive away, Sandal was halfway out the passenger seat window as he waved goodbye. As it turned the corner 3 cruisers with flashing lights and a templar insignia pulled up into Hawke’s driveway and formed a barricade around Hawke’s red Volvoroto. In the front cruiser stepped out Cullen with a templar Hawke recognized as Miranda something or other, a new recruit from Ferelden. She had tried to talk to him about being from Ferelden but Hawke shut her down, hard. Now she hated him, like most templars in the Circle. He looked across the other templars, none who he had bothered to learn the names of but instead he kept track of by features: “Bug-Eyes,” “No lips,” “Creepy vibes,” “Baldy #2 and 4,“ and ’‘Braids” but she wasn’t wearing braids today. Nobody looked happy to see him. He just had that charm.

“What are you all doing here?” Hawke crossed his arms at the approaching templars. Varric shifted, his hands in his pockets staying quiet. Some of the templars murmured a hello to the dwarf, and Varric returned the greeting as usual, but the air was still thick with tension.

Cullen wordlessly showed Hawke a court-appointed search warrant stating he was there to confiscate any contraband that Hawke had in his mansion, including alcohol, but not excluding other things Hawke might own that the templars deemed illicit. Hawke looked back up furious. “Look I already followed the order. Ask Varric, I just sold him my alcohol collection.”

“The cheap stuff I’ll keep in the Hanged Man, “donated,” but, uh, if you fine, good sers follow me to my estate I can show proof of sale,” Varric made a motion to his car parked on the street, but Cullen held up his hand in refusal.

“So you’ll still have access,” he said crossly.

“No, I swear. I’m done with the stuff until I’m free and clear. Everything’s peachy.”

Baldy #2 stepped forward with a Breathalyzer and said in a stern voice. “Messere.”

Hawke sniffed angrily and turned to see Merrill coming out of the house. “Vhenan, Varric, why are you taking so long? The food’s getting…” she saw all the templars and froze. “Cold,” she finished awkwardly.

Baldy #2 cleared his throat pushing the machine up to Hawke’s mouth. With a ragged sigh, he leaned forward and breathed into it.

After a few moments, the meter remained 0.00. “He’s sober,” Baldy #2 reported.

“For now,” Cullen snorted pushing past him and Merrill and into Hawke’s mansion. Hawke followed, feeling panicked. Everything had been hidden and they were prepared for a search, but how long were they going to be there? How thoroughly would they search?

“Look, I have nothing to hide.” Merrill crept to his side taking his hand.

“I don’t believe you. And I also believe you’re hiding more than you say you are, so Meredith’s ordered an inspection,” Cullen said. The templars followed closely behind Hawke almost like an escort. They had their hands near their guns as if Hawke would attack any moment. And if Hawke wasn’t careful he would.

Boof must have sense Hawke’s thoughts because he raced down out of Hawke’s bedroom and jumped off the balcony, barking madly.

“Boof, no!” Hawke cried out. The dog rolled as he hit the ground and bounded forward, his teeth baring at the intruders but Hawke blocked Boof with his body. At first, he managed to grab his chest, but he slipped as the dog kept lunging. The templars, including Cullen, drew their guns and pointed it at the dog which Hawke kept blocking with his body. He grabbed Boof by the collar, but the dog was still pulling forward. He snapped at the air, drool flying with unbridled rage in his eyes.

“Restrain him!” Cullen ordered, his handgun still pointed at Hawke and the dog.

“What do you think I’m doing? Put down your fucking guns!” Hawke shouted, which agitated his dog even more and he growled, choking, as his claws raked the ground as he tried to push forward.

“Hey, hey, everyone just calm down,” Varric said looking at both Hawke and the templars.

Merrill’s eyes were wide with panic, but she stepped forward and calmly put her body in between Hawke, Boof and the guns, her hands held up. Her back was to the templars. Hawke panicked thinking she might be caught in the crossfire. “Boof, sweetie,” her shaky voice still sweet. She reached for the snapping dog, slowly with trembling hands. “It’s Merrill. You’re safe right now.”

Fenris, Aveline, Bethany, and Orana had come from the kitchen, their eyes wide in fear as they saw the contingent of templars pointing their guns at Merrill, Boof, and Hawke. He prayed Anders had already gone down through the secret tunnel in the basement, safe, but he didn’t have time to check.

“Merrill, don’t,” Hawke pleaded. “Get out of the way.” It took almost all his strength to restrain his dog, but Boof recognized Merrill, and the dog stopped chomping. Hawke wouldn’t let Boof be slaughtered but he couldn’t let Merrill be shot either.

Boof still growled menacingly, the sound filled the room. She didn’t move closer until Boof stopped lunging. His eyes were trying to communicate something. Hawke was able to adjust his grip, but he dared not let go in case Boof got another idea.

Aveline stepped out marching up to Cullen and pushed down his gun. She was out of uniform now but she was still intimidating even in tank top and jeans. “What is the meaning of this?”

“We have a search warrant,” Cullen explained. “Please do not interfere. We know where your loyalties lie.”

Aveline looked at the warrant conflicted. Hawke knew she was duty-bound to honor it, but she wouldn’t step out of the way. She glared at the templars, fury in her eyes. “You can do your search after you put down your guns.”

Merrill was ignoring this, her focus on the panicked mabari. “Boof,” she said sweetly, and reached over slowly, attempting to pet Boof. A booming bark stopped her. It wasn’t a threat, but he seemed to want Merrill to get out of the way. “I know you’re scared, but it’s ok. No one’s going to harm you or Hawke.”

The dog growled in response, disagreeing.

“Do you have a kennel to put him in?” Cullen asked.

“There’s one in Hawke’s room. We can put him there,” Aveline told Cullen.

Hawke ignored him, focusing on Boof. “Hey, buddy, I know templars fucking suck, but we’re not fighting this battle, ok? I need you to listen. Calm down.”

The dog whined in response, and then returned to growling. This wasn’t working and Boof was going to get himself killed.

“Put him to sleep,” Merrill said, looking straight at Hawke.

It took a moment to register, and Boof growled and barked, and lunged again, trying to break free of Hawke’s grip. Hawke called to his mind great fatigue and channeled it through his hands. The dog barked, and boofed, and then collapsed falling forward on his face and then promptly started snoring. Hawke finally breathed out.

He picked up his 100-pound dog and hoisted him up into his arms, leaning back so he could put most of the weight on his chest. The templars were only now just putting away their guns “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” he growled.

“Vhenan,” Merrill said, touching his arm and gazing up at him. “Lock Boof up and let’s go eat.”

Her lack of fear puzzled the templars and they exchanged wary glances. She grabbed Hawke’s arm, recognizing that he was starting to meltdown. She said, “Hey, I’m here. Just breathe.”

So Hawke did. He squeezed his dog, the sleeping lug completely limp and just focused on the feel of his heartbeat and felt the coarseness of his long, sandy blond fur. Hawke kept his voice even. “How long will you be here?”

“If you cooperate, only a few hours,” Miranda said. She seemed pleased to see him squirm.

Hawke breathed evenly and slowly, squeezing Boof again. “I am cooperating.”

“Thank you,” Cullen smiled and turned to Merrill. “I’m sorry for this disturbance, Miss. If you’d like, you may continue your meal. We’ll try our best not to disturb you.” It was a little late for that.

Outside of Hawke, Cullen was a perfect gentleman that Hawke couldn’t hate him for. He did kind of start it. But Cullen was an idiot. He didn’t know what was worse, a bad man trying to do good, or a good man not realizing he was doing bad.

Merrill reached up and stroked Hawke’s cheek, bringing him out of his racing thoughts. “Let’s go eat,” she repeated. “Are you coming, Varric?” She was so good at pretending nothing was wrong. How was she doing it?

Varric appeared at Hawke’s side almost guiding him. “C’mon, I’m starving.” Did he look that fragile right now?

Hawke never kept the kennel locked before. It was just a place for Boof to sleep, though he still preferred the foot of Hawke’s bed. He had some difficulty stuffing the dog in, and when he rolled him, Boof started to wake up, his eyes panicked and searching. Hawke kissed his forehead and scratched his ear. “Everything’s ok, bud,” he whispered, and then put him back to sleep.

When Hawke got back to the table his thoughts returned to Anders, but it appeared that he had already slipped away. He breathed a sigh of relief, hoping Anders remembered to hide the passageway behind him, but he was Anders, so of course he did. Hawke tried his best to not look so guilty, but his mother always called him an open book. Did he remember to hide everything in his office? It was a disaster in there anyways, so best of luck finding anything. He kept everything illegal in his portal, and also all his journals, but Templars weren’t stupid as much as he wished they were. What Hawke was most nervous about was the hidden wall in his basement that led to his secret lab and Bethany’s charging station. If they found that they were fucked.

The celebration group dinner had turned into an awkward silence, the clinking of glasses and forks and knives on plates accompanied the sound of Hawke’s closets being turned over and desks being searched through and books being thrown of bookcases. Eventually, the noises woke Boof and his panicked barks and the sound of rattling metal filled the mansion. Orana’s lumpia was delicious and the pancet she made had tasted just like Leandra’s but Hawke could not take comfort in his meal.

Orana’s eyes were wide in fear. She sat next to Fenris, her thin eyebrows knitted together. “Messere, what’s happening?”

“They are just looking around, Orana,” Hawke smiled, but he still looked uneasy.

“Your cooking is wonderful like usual,” Merrill smiled, but she also looked nervous.

“Thank you,” she murmured, looking down shyly. “I’d like to just go to my room if that’s ok,” she was almost whispering.

Hawke nodded, still smiling. “That’s ok, Orana.”

She excused herself from the table to leave when Cullen came into the dining room and halted Orana. “Please, miss, I need you to stay in the dining room until our investigation is complete.” Bug-eyes was behind him carrying some books.

Orana’s light green eyes were wide and she nodded, and she set down on an empty seat next to Fenris, not touching anything. She folded her hands and just looked at her lap, shutting down.

Hawke stood up. “Hey, a friend gave me those.” That friend being Isabela.

“These are illegal literature banned by the Chantry,” Cullen said.

“Which is stupid. It’s just erotica.”

Cullen blushed, his face twisted in disgust. “It’s illegal, some of the material blasphemous,” he stated firmly. “We will also be confiscating your supply of lyrium potions.”

“What the hell for?” Hawke cried. “That’s not illegal.”

“Because of your association with the apostate Anders. We haven’t tracked down how but we know you supply him with resources and help shield him from the law. These may be part of your shipment for the Mage Underground.”

Hawke narrowed his eyes, furious. “Come back with proof.”

Cullen stepped forward, his face stern. “That’s what I’m here to find.”

“Vhenan,” Merrill grabbed his hand, her face worried. “Please sit down and eat.”

They searched the house for several more hours, the group trying to pass time with stories and conversation. Baldy #2 kept guard at the table making the conversation superficial, and other templars would periodically check on them to confirm that everything was “peaceful.” They were instructed to stay in their seats. Time passed slowly, and Hawke kept checking his phone watching the minutes crawl. Somehow, with Merrill and everyone else’s help, he managed to stay afloat.

They informed Hawke before they were leaving that they were taking one more thing, a bottle of Tevinter Spiced Wine that Fenris gifted him for his 26th birthday which was also the year they got together and broke up. It was Fenris’ first gift to him, so he kept the bottle. Fenris thought it was stupid, but Hawke lorded it over him. “Somewhere deep down you like me,” he would tease.

“It’s empty,” Hawke argued. “This is stupid.” He should have put it in his portal.

“Hawke,” Fenris said curtly, his stony gaze hard. “It’s just a bottle. It’s not worth the argument.”

Hawke was hurt. So all this time this was what he meant to him. Hawke dropped his shoulders, releasing the bottle from Cullen’s grip.

“Thank you,” Cullen nodded shortly, “for your cooperation. Have a good day, Champion.” And then he smiled wryly. “And good luck with your anger management.”

Hawke almost punched him, and Merrill grabbed his arm, bringing him out of his thoughts. “Don’t,” she whispered.

The templars marched out of Hawke’s estate, loot in hand, but found nothing else. He once again had gotten lucky. Hawke threw his hand, summoning a ball of blue flame muttering to himself angrily. Most of it was unintelligible but it was something along the lines of “fuck Cullen,” “fuck templars,” and “fuck the Chantry.”

Orana had slipped away to her room, understandably needing some time alone. She couldn’t handle seeing Hawke like this.

“This is fucking dogshit. Fucking come in my house and almost shoot my fucking dog and fucking everyone like fucking idiots.” Hawke was pacing and using fuck every other word now. This wasn’t good. “This is fucking bullshit.”

“That got a little messy, but Boof’s ok, Hawke,” Aveline stayed back, wary of the fire in Hawke’s hands. ”It’s time to calm down.”

Hawke’s laughs were always loud and boisterous, but in response to Aveline’s request, he chuckled. It was neither warm and inviting in his usual manner, but chilled the room. “Oh I’m calm,” he said, tossing the blue flame from one hand to another while his friends watched nervously.

Varric warily tried to tear his friend’s eyes away from the ball of blue flame. “Right, you are cool as a the Frostbacks. So maybe put down the fireball before you burn your mansion down, again.”

“I know what I’m doing Varric,” Hawke said, testily making the flame bigger.

“Vhenan!” Merrill said crossly. She marched in front of the path he was pacing and firmly crossing her arms and planting her feet squarely in front of him. There was mana rising from her body as she raised her magic in a wa

rning. “Put it out, now.”

Everyone held their breath, especially Fenris. Hawke felt like he had been punched in the gut and his eyes went wide. Merrill was never this direct at him, but here she was scolding him like she was his Mother.

Hawke gulped down, deeply embarrassed, and resisted throwing the flame into the fireplace. He took a deep breath and held it and clenched his fist. The flame choked and sputtered at first refusing to die. Hawke struggled, his anger all feeding the dying flame. “I’m safe,” he reminded himself, trying to slow his beating heart and racing thoughts. He breathed as evenly as he could manage and it wavered and slowly it disintegrated into smoke.

Bethany’s mouth fell open. “What just happened?”

“Impressive,” Fenris raised his eyebrows amused. Great, now his ex had jokes.

“It worked!” Merrill squeaked, overjoyed. She was bouncing up and down her hands clapping and flailing. Hawke had to admit her cuteness was deflating him.

Aveline put a fond hand on Merrill’s shoulder. “Please do that more often.”

“Yeah,” Hawke cringed, “gotta get used to that.”

As the others were congratulating Merrill for a job well done Hawke felt himself swirling into a meltdown and he held his head trying to calm this rage that burned inside him. He signed up for this. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but he didn’t know how to corral this beast. He knew he needed to change but he didn’t need counseling. He could do it himself.

“Ugh,” Hawke sat down on the ground and put his head on his knees, not sure what to do now. “You guys don’t think I need anger management, right?”

“Actually, I think it’s an excellent idea?” Aveline said.

“What?” Hawke felt the second gut punch. He looked at the woman he was destined to marry for help. “Merrill,” he whined.

“Vhenan,” she sat down next to him and stroked his newly buzzed hair fondly, “This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You’ve been through a lot. The Judge was being merciful when he suggested counseling. He might be trying to help.”

“But you heard him. She’s a Chantry sister. This is just some ploy so they can get information out of me. For their fucking investigation. It’s too risky.”

“Then don’t talk about that stuff with her. Talk about that with me,” Merrill said bluntly.

Hawke blinked.

“Merrill, you’re full of good ideas today,” Bethany said putting a hand on her shoulder. It kind of seemed obvious now, but it didn’t mean he liked the idea.

“Not you, too,” Hawke groaned.

“Lucky,” Bethany settled herself next to Merrill and grabbed his hand like they were kids again. It was so nice to be able to hear her voice again and feel her touch again. “You know I love you but…there’s a lot of stuff you don’t talk about and I wish you would. It’s healthy. You need to start learning to let go.”

“I have,” Hawke argued.

“I’ve been in your head. I see it probably better than you do,” Bethany said quietly, rubbing his hand like she used to.

Hawke felt so humiliated he felt like he’d start crying, but then he’d never live that down. He buried his head in his knees and groaned obnoxiously. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

“I’d suggest a drink but your court-ordered sober. I have some dry martinis, some cards, and some royal root all waiting in my car for us to party.” That’s right, they couldn’t take the root away from him.

How did that dwarf always know what he needed? “Varric, I love you,” Hawke said not raising his head.

[smuthuttpodcast]

I have read some great or good pieces of fan fiction that incorporate a trial of Ben Solo into their stories.

Name/Handle/Alias

BonnieSwims (Twitter & AO3)

About how long would you say you’ve been rooting for Reylo?

I've been rooting for them since mid 2016. I REALLY started reading a large amount of fan fiction after seeing The Last Jedi. I am not sure if I read stories on AO3 before The Last Jedi, if I did, I started reading in mid 2016.

What did you think of the way Rise of Skywalker handled Rey and Kylo’s relationship?

I do not think it got enough screen time. The time consuming scavenger hunt with Poe & Finn, only having Kylo & Rey cross swords...all would have been forgiven IF Ben Solo lived or, if he HAD to die, if there was more screentime of redeemed Ben Solo AND Rey told others of Ben Solo, grieved his death, took Solo name, and ended up somewhere green.

Do you think the film understood why you, and other people, felt like Rey and Kylo had something together? Did it get their chemistry?

Given the acting between Ridley & Driver, I do believe the film makers understood the chemistry between Rey & Kylo. I also believe they FAILED to see how Kylo could become Ben Solo again and deserved to live. They did not acknowledge how his connection to Rey & her influence on him made Kylo believe that Rey trusted him and wanted a better life for him. Instead they went with "let's have them fight at every chance." It is true he was enraged at the end of TLJ but that feeling was from his perceived abandonment by Rey. Plus, TROS takes place a year later. The rage would lessen somewhat I imagine or if the rage against Rey was still so high, Kylo would have been MORE terrifying and just straight up kill Rey early in the movie. They did not understand Rey also insisted Ben do this for himself not for his mother, Rey, or Han or for power. That is why he was so upset that she did not take his hand when he offered. (The TROS story did get the "i wanted to take Ben's hand" correct.) There was also the strange scene of Rey looking happily at children. Was it an attempt to foreshadow a family with Ben? That's what it seemed like they were telling the audience but then at the end of the movie, I was left with thinking maybe Rey is now going to have two lovers and create a family with Finn & Poe. 

What about the handling of Kylo’s redemption? Was it something you had to think through in your stories? 

I have read MANY pieces of fan fiction on AO3, listened to Girls with Sabers & What the Force podcasts which seemed to focus on comparing Star Wars to works of great literature & myths, how Star Wars incorporates the Hero's & Heroine's Journey, and aspects of filmmaking. Given all the marketing with #ReyandKylo , #KyloandRey, the comics emphasizing the verbal (psychological) & physical abuse of Kylo, the comics showing how Ben Solo may not be responsible for the destruction of the Jedi Academy, the comics foreshadowing how Ben could survive being thrown off a cliff, the videos of little BB Ben Solo or Rolly Ben Solo (that never aired) and other items, it really seemed like the story was leading up to Bendemption. They did have Ben Solo redeem himself. I do think they had NO IDEA how to present Ben Solo to the Resistance after Palpatine is killed by Rey & Ben. They could not figure a way to do that so they just killed him off. I have read some great or good pieces of fan fiction that incorporate a trial of Ben Solo into their stories. Many were done well with Poe, Finn, & Rey coming to the defense of Ben because he helps them end the First Order. One story has Ben banished to a deserted planet for a year or two, then at the end he rejoined society where Rey was waiting for him. One has a trial that ended with a sentence of rehabilitation/probation where Rey might be the person in charge of controlling Ben. Other fics had it where Kylo is dismantling the FO from within so the Resistance can defeat them. Others have the First Order request an armistice. Another storyline I have read decided that since Ben saved the galaxy with Rey & he is Leia’s kid, he is pretty much absolved of his crimes since he will always have to atone for and live with the guilt of killing his father. The scene with Han in TROS was a great scene & did go a long way to Ben being redeemed and forgiven for his worst crime. The stabbing of Kylo, Rey’s healing of Kylo, & his tossing his saber was a great part of the movie and a good redemption arc. So that was good. Where the story lacked was the decision that Ben Solo still did not do enough so he needs to die. That was the mistake they made. They could have redeemed Ben & had him even start atoning for his crimes in the smallest way before the credits rolled IF they had a different plot than the LONG scavenger hunt.

Regarding stories after TROS, I have mainly read ‘fix-it” stories that are WIPs. The newest stories have Ben alive where he & Rey fly back to the Resistance where Rey has to protect Ben from being killed. He may be in a holding cell and discussions begin on what to do with Ben Solo. Those stories are pulling on the heart strings of “What would Leia want us to do with her only child?” and so far are resulting in sympathy for the fate of Ben Solo. I have read others that are basically have Rey telling the resistance that he can���t die or she will too or Rey is protecting Ben.

What did you think of where Rey landed at the end? There had been a lot of excitement around Star Wars having a female protagonist. Do you think she lived up to the promise of her character?

I did not like the ending. She was alone on a desert planet at a house where Luke's relatives were burned alive. She did not get a family. Well sure, she knows she is a Palpatine but from the beginning with TFA, I always felt like she wanted people around her that she was related to or had the capacity to help her create her own family. I did not like how the costume & hair reinforced Rey as a child virgin. That is where she was at the beginning of TFA. At the end of TLJ, her hair in not in her childhood style, she is wearing more 'earthy' colors showing character growth. Then with TROS, Rey regressed BACK to her childhood hairstyle and went to virginal white to show she is a 'good girl in white" and also a virgin. So she did not grow, in fact, she regressed. Her ending does not come off as the hero in white. She appears as the pure woman untainted by desire or love solely focused on protecting the galaxy. Additionally, she must be a robot because she was serene and happy as she flew away from Ben’s death. She was elated to see her Resistance friends. She was also so happy to be alone with BB-8 on a desert planet where the Skywalker Family has faced a lot of sadness. SUCH A HAPPY ENDING WITH SO MUCH HOPE. Wow, that is a lonely job for a scavenger that just wanted a family. So, girls, don't lose sight of your purity and you can be a hero if you are willing to bear the weight of that role only on your shoulders because you will have to do this alone. So Rey did not grow as a character and she did not get a family (unless you count her stealing the Skywalker family name but still alone because the last Skywalker died.) 

There’s criticism of the movie that argues it’s akin to “fan fiction” and that is has too much fan service. As fans and fan-fiction writers, how do you react to that?

I have read many excellent stories that are fan fiction for Star Wars. The best fan fiction are stories that are planned, follow a plot structure, have a writer that RESEARCHED the characters, planets and ideas they were incorporating . TROS was not as good as the best fanfiction out there. It is very disappointing that some people and critics are excusing TROS by saying it is fan fiction. I disagree with that. If "fan service" means throw as many planets as we can into the story, add random things that are never fleshed out in the story, have a movie full of action with too many quick cuts with a lack of dialogue, and add a bunch of ships from the larger SW universe, then yes, the movie was fan service. What happened with just making a good movie? A good movie would have been acceptable. A great movie would have been wonderful. We were given a mess of movie that killed off THE LAST SKYWALKER (Ben) with no acknowledgement, reduced Hux to a very minor character when he could have been Kylo's main adversary, and Rey takes the name Skywalker with no explanation. Strangely, Terrio implied the sequel trilogy was a set of movies about the Skywalker Twins and they are now so happy to be Force Ghosts with their sabers buried on Tatooine. Does anyone believe that when Leia tells Han to “bring our son home” she means she wants to meet Ben in Force Ghost Heaven soon? One could argue that TFA was Han's film, TLJ was Luke's film , and TROS was Leia's film. That became difficult to accomplish with Carrie fisher's death. PLUS, WHY EVEN HAVE THE VILLAIN BE THE LAST SKYWALKER if that character wasn't supposed to even be a big part of the film? So confusing & disappointing, especially since JJ made Ben Solo into Kylo Ren. If he did not want Kylo/Ben to play an important role as The Last Skywalker, why didn’t he just make Hux the bad guy all along? The only conclusion I can come to is the sequel trilogy was always intended to be a tragedy like the prequel trilogy to teach kids about tragedy, disappointment, death, the importance of mortal sacrifice for your sins even if you are mentally and physically abused. (Anakin & Ben were both psychologically manipulated.) What a way to teach a moral lesson about trust, family, friendship, and hope. Kinda hard to see those messages as the credits rolled on The Rise of Skywalker.

Are you still writing any Star Wars fanfic? Tell us about it! (Don't forget your Ao3 handle!)

I am a reader only.

I will mention that I am almost convinced that all the Terrio comments about Skywalker Twins, special effects personnel saying they were never asked to make Ben a Force Ghost, the three month delay for the TROS artbook, and so little information about Ben Solo’s ‘death” is LucasFilm admitting that Ben is not dead and they will do another Rey movie or a Solo movie called "The Resurrection of Ben Solo." Who knows if Driver or Ridley will EVER do another SW movie, though. Animated movie/TV show? A miniseries for Disney+...”The Search for Solo.”

Thank you Bonnie Swims

[wind0wg0blin]

Can i request Xenomorph soulmate oneshot?

[Ummm…So yeah theres this…] 

[Staring a king Xenomorph kinda?plus space station Au]

You had to admit thatwhen you signed up to leave your life behind to live on a multi species spacestation you had expected to be given a better job seeing as you had a prettyexpensive degree. Though here you were organizing computer files and deliveringmail like you didn’t waste years of your life on earth studying just so youcould get the chance to come out here.

You had been convinced thisspace station was all fun and interspecies romance though every alien you hadmet was either planning on using you or just an asshole. You had made a fewfriends who had alien s/o’s though which was kind of interesting to see them interreact.Especially your one coworker who is engaged to a very important engineer andits rumored their relationship might actually bridge peace between humans andengineers for years to come cause of some fairy tale bullshit.

You honestly were toojealous to listen when they spoke so highly of her as you so desperately wishedthat was you.

With a sigh you madeyour way home shouldering your bag as you sulked past the crowds of people toyour tiny apartment. Punching in your room number you step inside and throwyour bag down flopping down on your futon staring up at the dull ceiling.

Frustrated you slam yourfist into the wall next to you only for the ceiling vent to pop open andsomething to come crashing into your room. You screamed leaping over the backof your futon as you see the large xeno unfurled itself its terrifying headswaying about as it sniffed the air.

You were to say theleast scared shitless as you had heard war stories from some yautja before whohad lost veterans fighting some of these things claiming they were the ultimateprey as they were terrifying hunters.

You knew you had to tellsome body as an infestation of these things would kill the entire station in days.

You glance to the door convincedyou could make it, You took when step and it was upon you looming in your pathas drool leaked from its maw.

It glared down at youseeming to snarl before softening its appearance hunkering down to smell youpressing its face into the crook of your neck.

Too afraid to run youstayed there with the Xeno as it curled around you seeming to purr as itnuzzled into you.

The xeno stayed with youfor the whole night staying right at your side as you sat and tried to get somekind of answers from it. You were shocked to find it understood you and that itwould answer appropriately to questions you asked it. Nodding and shaking theirhead in response.

It was well into thenight and you had work the next morning so you explained as best you could tothem and they understood moving out of the way as you set up your bed andcurled up.

You were almost asleepwhen you felt them curl up at your feet their tail curling around you almostprotectively as you slept the few hours you had left.

When you woke up theXeno was still there sat on the counter to your small cooking area hunched overin the tiny window obviously too small for this room in general.

Seeing the time on the wallyou wasted no time getting ready for work. Just before you ran out the door youstopped looking at your Xeno sat patiently on the couch watching you.

“Stay hidden okay.” Youinstructed and they nodded before you said your farewell and headed out for work.

You had made it all theway to your lunch break until you noticed some of the Yautja were looking atyou funny some even avoiding you when you walked past. You had intitallychalked it up to them being rude that was until one of your co-workers’husbands came in during lunch and snorted as you walked past looking at youwith a shocked expression.

Pausing as he stepped in front of you, youglance up at him as he looked you over with a critical eye.

“Miss have you been to Orikai6 recently?” he asked innocently enough and you shook your head confused.

You flinched when hedragged him finger over your cheek and you were surprised to see the tiniestspec of your Xenos dried drool on his finger.

“Then you have some seriousexplaining to do miss” He growled waving in two security guards as theysurrounded you menacingly.

You looked around panickedas you backed up only to feel your back pressing into something. Looking up youquickly realized it was actually someone as your xeno snarled at the shocked yautja.

“Oh no.” You mumbledrealizing everyone was looking at you horrified as your Xeno was well, clearlyyour xeno.

Pushing hard on yourxenos chest as the yautja began to approach you got some common sense into Xeno’shead as you both turned tail and hauled ass outta there.

You did the only thingyou could think of in a situation like this and ran for the escape podsconvinced you could piolet one back to earth, or any where.

Though with a massiveXenomorph following you, you drew everyones attention, especially the yautjawho looked at you in dumb stuck awe.

You ere panting out ofbreath and your lungs burned as you managed to get to the stair well that ledto the escape pods.

Just as you both burstout of the stair well and onto the launch deck you were met by a group offurious looking humans and yautja. Though there was a lone engineer stood amongstthem who glared at you with an intensity that made you shrivel away in fear.

“If you surrender now wewont kill you. This is the only time this will be offered.” He said sternly hisdeep voice making you shudder as you looked up at xeno who was already hoveringover you protectively,

Seeing no other optionyou turned yourself in letting an officer hand cuff you as Xeno was surroundedto be killed you assumed.

It had been a week sincethen and you had found a new home in the stations holding cells. You were infamousamoung everyone especially some of the other criminals who seemed to actually fearyou knowing something you didn’t.

You were laying in yourcot contemplating your existance in the grand skeem of things when a guard cameand got you leading you away to what looked like an interagation room.

Inside was a few peoplein business suits two yautja guards stood in the corners of the room as you weresat in a chair on the opposite side of the table.

Once the guard whoescorted you had left they turned their attention on you a moment passingbefore the one in the middle sighed and gave you a serious look.

“The King Xenomorph youhad been harboring has escaped our containment and we need you to retrieve it. Inreturn for doing so you will be released from jail and placed on monitored probation.”They explained showing you pictures and video of your Xeno escaping a largecage like cell most likely in the bowels of the station.

“You have hundreds ofyautja on this ship why not ask one of them?”

“Because this specificXeno is smarter than any we have seen before able to hide its trails and creatediversions. It also cannot be tracked by scent alone as it isn’t strong enoughto track long distances. Therefore, we need you to bring it back to us.”

“What if I say no?” Youasked receiving a shocked expression from the negotiator looking to their equallysurprised colleagues before back to you.

“You will rot in jailbefore being sent to earth to serve out the rest of your sentencing along with banishmentfrom returning here ever again.” They said as if it weren’t even an option

You really didn’t knowwhat to do but something made you want to go along with their plan though youknew you wouldn’t let them just catch him without a bit of work.

“Okay, Ill help you.”You said as they nodded leading you from the room and immediately taking you tothe lower decks of the station were all the machinery was and the enginesystems.

Looking around thecrowded area you knew he wouldn’t be here so you started to walk back towardsthe living quarters the group of officers following you closely as you walkedwatching for any sign of the Xeno.

You made it all the wayback to your housing unit when you started to notice signs of them Xeno. Kneelingdown by a floor vent you hit the wall hard twice smiling when you heard afamiliar trill sound out from the floor vent.

“Found him. Now yougotta catch him.” You smirked as Xeno burst out of the floor grate roaring ashe blocked them from approaching you seeming to be almost larger then all thetimes before.

The youngblood guardswere clearly born on the station as they stared at the Xeno in wide eyed shock unableto move as it snarled at the tail whipping around dangerously as it threatened toskewer anything the grew too close.

“This was not part ofthe agreement miss-“

“No where did you say Ihad to catch him and hand him over. I was to lure him out and well. He’s lured.”You snarked really hating these people in charge of the station.

Glancing around you werequickly drawing a crowd of bystanders most of them yautja who were cracking tohave a go at the xeno,

“I have a new deal.Seeing as he has clearly been here a while and he has never hurt any one evenwhen threatened we let him stay and see what happens. Scientists get a firsthandchance at observing a rare xenomorph.” You said seeing the wheels turning inthe main negotiators head.

They discussed briefly beforelooking back to you clearly upset seeing as you had some how gotten the betterhadn dealt in the end.

“Very well come with usand we will. Discuss in detail.” The person said as you patted Xeno’s shoulder invictory the two of you striding after the sulking agents.

It has been some timesince this whole commotion came about and now you were quite the infamous faceon the station as you were the girl who tamed a king xenomorph and convinced thestation to let you keep him none the less.

While the yautja wereequally disgusted and impressed by you for this feat you cared not as nothing madeyou happier than coming home to see your Xeno waitng for you. It was evenbetter when you got out of work to see him sitting there some how holding idleconversation with a curious child.

Walking home with Xenoat your side you realized you could very much get used to this new life ofyours.