#and also my own food if i fucking have anything left over lmao

[partycatty]

kenshi > read my mind

sitting across the table from your boyfriend at sun do's royal dinner, filling his mind with terrible images...

warnings: ur a horndog, exhibitionism ig, SWITCH KENSHI NATION RISE UP!

notes: this was inspired by @crimsonbubble 's post about kenshi's telepathy... absolute genius... also please pretend he's got sento here or something idfk just bear with me please i'm in heat LMAO. funny side note i had to rewrite this after finishing it to tweak some details, namely that i forgot kenshi CANNOT FUCKING SEE.

[ masterlist ]

• there was a mutual agreement between you and kenshi, no funny business in outworld lest the entirety of earthrealm be damned to your reputation. this was a doable task, you and kenshi were disciplined and well-mannered, like two cute little peas in a very stoic pod.

• however, when you're sat at the long table, syzoth on your left and johnny on your right as you tear apart a roasted bird, you find yourself salivating at the sight of kenshi swirl a glass of red wine with interest. how is it that everything he does is so effortlessly sexy? your chewing slows and you swallow thickly.

• kenshi must have felt your burning gaze, considering his familiarity with it, and his head flicks up to meet yours.

• you look really hot tonight, you try to think as coherently as you can but your mind wanders faster than you can control, and you're envisioning kenshi throwing that roasted bird and glassware to the floor as he fucks you stupid there and then, using your hole as his personal stress relief as he pins you hard to the table. kenshi chokes on his wine, fists clenching as his head tilts downward to avoid staring at you and spiraling his own mind any further.

• the illuminated figures of his friends surrounding kenshi don't seem to pick up on his flushed state, too entranced in their meals to properly notice anything off.

• what's the matter? you toy with him innocently, leaning over the table to tear the leg from the bird and let your breasts spill out and settle atop the table. how he wishes he could see the flush of your skin, the way your outfit compliments your figure so well. don't get too heated, someone will notice.

• you stick your finger in your mouth, sucking away the flavor of the food as you look directly at him with low lids. you had to commit to this, whatever your goal was it surely couldn't have ended well for you.

• there was so much room under the table, a dark part of you snickers as you envision crawling under the table and freeing his surely solid cock, swirling your tongue around his tip and digging your nails into his thigh, reminding him to keep quiet.

• "stop," kenshi mouths at you, shoulders tense as the spirits probe your mind and fill him with evil thoughts. you reach your foot underneath the tablecloth and confirm what you suspected when your sole pressed into his bulge, making him gasp before covering his mouth.

• seems like you don't want me to, you coo into his mind, applying just enough pressure to make him jump. you're all hard and needy for me, aren't you? wish you could just fuck my pretty pussy until i'm nothing more than a drooling mess?

• syzoth is startled by kenshi's thighs bumping the table, brows knitting as he eyes down kenshi's shivery state. "are you alright?" he inquires, tilting his head.

• "no need to worry, syzoth," you insist, while simultaneously conjuring up images of kenshi stuffing his inked fingers so deep in your cunt you cream over them. "kenshi is just a little under the weather as of late."

• your strained grin seems to convince him well enough to drop the subject, turning back to his plate of bugs. your head turns, now grinning at your extremely flustered boyfriend.

• "stop it," he mouths again, squeezing your foot between his thighs. that does nothing, of course, as he immediately is flooded once again with your thoughts of settling between his thighs, squishing your cheek on one while pumping his length with a hand. his throat clears, maybe a bit louder than intended.

• i want you so bad, your lashes flutter, your food a forgotten part of the process. you make me so wet, kenshi, it's so hard to focus when i just want you to use me.

• you giggle to yourself. kenshi's cock is so strained against his dress pants he wondered if he might just pass out or break his zipper. the thoughts of him splitting you open make your own thighs clench, rubbing together to release any tension you'd built. your panties undoubtedly damp, clit throbbing and needy, all of which you project into his head with a sly grin.

• fuck me open on this table, you halfheartedly propose. split me and make everyone know what a whore i am for that dick, pretty boy. i'll ride you so fucking good you won't even remember your own name, is that what you want? you want my thighs around your head when you eat me out? you make me cum so hard, kenshi, you and only you gets me so horny like this, i can barely contain it.

• simultaneously dirty talking through your minds and creating images and scenes that no doubt will send you to hell was far too much for kenshi, especially in public. he stands harshly, his chair screeching against the floor which thankfully draws enough attention away from him to allow him to adjust himself quickly in his pants, tugging his top down further in hopes that somehow, someway his massive cock could be hidden enough.

• "please excuse me," kenshi mutters, bowing deeply. "i believe i am unwell."

• "could we offer you anything?" kitana stands with him, eyes wide with concern. "tea, perhaps—?"

• kenshi bows his head, shaking it slightly. "that won't be necessary princess, though i appreciate it."

• after everyone finishes exchanging funny looks, nobody seems to really notice the sly glint in your eye as your head follows his movements. he walks around the table, having to pass you in the process. his hands sweep behind your hair and cup the back of your neck gently as he leans down to mumble something in your ear. nobody thinks to question the gesture, as it is common knowledge you two were together. what he says though, is so heinous you hope outworld abilities don't include superhearing.

• "you're fucking done for," he mutters, nails digging into the sides of your neck ever so slightly. "you're paying for making me this hard later."

• he pulls away before you could even consider replying, walking off as the click of his dress shoes lessen in volume. the dinner resumes, though johnny leans into your other ear.

• "what's his problem?" johnny asks obliviously, watching kenshi exit. "he's always got a stick up his ass... no offense."

• "none taken," you reply sweetly, turning to face him. "i believe he's just feeling a little sickly."

• "outworld germs?" johnny chuckles, leaning back in his chair. you shrug, looking at the bird again.

• "maybe it was the food."

[miaoua3]

could you possibly do spicy hc and soft hc for joshua and mingyu??? i came from your tiktok lmao

sure i can! im gonna do joshua now and mingyu later separately so i can organise it better in my masterlist, i hope that’s okay for you!

Joshua Boyfriend Headcanons:

•(sfw! hcs):

according to his birth chart (lol), he has a very hard time feeling the spark with his partners, as well as building the relationship to a deeper and more intimate level, so i feel like for him to have felt the spark for the first time with you would definitely make him fall in love with you immediately and he would be so smitten with you

so so so very gentle, he always has this soft look in his eyes when he’s looking at you, the guys want to make fun of him for it but can’t since they’ve never seen him this happy and in love

biggest forehead kisses enthusiast ever, will do it every morning to you and will melt when you do it for him, over time became something very special and intimate to you both

loves hugs more than anything, at night when he comes home to you, he just hugs you for awhile, slowly swaying with you in his arms to the music playing in the background, he always says that you are his charger, always giving him energy when he has none left❤️

also very big lover of hand kisses, whenever he’s driving he’s always holding your hand, so it’s only right that he kisses the back of it every few minutes, just to reassure both you and himself- you that he’s thinking about you, even when you are right next to him, and himself, that you are really real and his

does this little things that make your eyes water without so much as blinking or thinking about it twice, ie wiping the corner of your mouth if you have a little bit of food left there, tying your shoelaces for you, pulling you to the side so you don’t collide with strangers when you are walking but not paying attention as to where you are walking, standing behind you when you are wearing a short skirt/dress in case the wind messes with it etc❤️

if the flower shops were opened at the time when he’s going home, he would buy you a bouquet every day❤️ so instead he opts for plants that will last longer than a bouquet would and that are just as pretty

subconsciously always pushes your hair away when you are standing face to face and either talking or just…staring at each other, he loves your face so much like everything about it is perfect to him and he could spend hours just…watching you smile at him

would rather die than admit this but definitely bought a bottle of your perfume to have with himself to spray on his pillows when he’s on tour, he just can’t fall asleep without your smell surrounding him, he’s gotten so used to sleeping next to you that he now literally can’t fall asleep otherwise :(

started seeing you and associating you with the colour yellow because you are literally his sun, and he is your moon, he doesn’t exist without you, so he will just unconsciously smile when he drives by a field of sunflowers❤️

• (nsfw! hcs):

feel like inside the bedroom his personality does a whole 180° change, suddenly there’s this dominant and not rude per say but definitely firm joshua, teasing and controlling everything-your body, your movements, even your mind

definitely has a thing for power play, just loves restraining your movements and pinning your hands with his own big ones, turns him on so much knowing that you let yourself be at his mercy

low-key into choking, not too much, just a little bit when you can barely remember your own name due to pleasure, to get you to pay attention back to him

can see him also being into hair pulling, ie when he’s fucking you from behind he just grabs a handful of it and pulls your head back so he can see your face better or well, as best as he can from that angle, sometimes even quickly switches from pulling on your hair to pulling your head back by your neck until you can make eye contact

which brings me to the next point- he’s big on eye contact, for one, he loves your eyes and loves seeing your glossy eyes as he’s fucking you and two, so he can see it if everything is still alright or if he needs to stop for a bit

isn’t into degradation per say, he’s just very firm, he’d want you to use your words always, if you are too gone in the pleasure he will spank you and demand that you answer him

can definitely see him being into cream pies, loves just watching his cum dripping out of you and stuffing it back in with his long fingers, to the point it overstimulates you so much that you start to cry

on the nights where he’s feeling vulnerable however, he will abandon this whole dom persona and fuck you so gently and deeply, will worship your body and mind, will just be all up in your ear and telling you “you are so good, so good to me, my girl, my darling, fuck, i love you so much, love this pussy too, so perfect for me, you are all mine, right? you are my good girl? say it, please, need to hear you say that you are mine, mine and mine only”

LOVES it when you give him a blowjob, just seeing you on your knees in front of him while he’s sitting on the couch, your innocent eyes looking up at him, your hair pulled behind either in a ponytail or in his hand is enough to make him cum down your throat, never mind the feeling of your warm mouth and your tongue swirling around his tip

KING OF AFTER CARE, nobody comes close to him, he will clean you first, maybe make you take a shower with him (where he will do all the cleaning of your body), then dressing you in his comfy clothes because he knows you like his smell and find comfort in wearing his clothes, maybe get you a snack or even cook something if you are feeling extra hungry and then he. wont. let. you. leave. his. arms. he will just hug you and cuddle you and stroke your face and hair and back until you fall asleep, will make sure to let you know that he didn’t mean to go that hard on you, will make sure with you that everything was alright-all in all, he will TAKE care of your body, mind and soul, always❤️

[comfortless]

syl. *grabs you and shakes you* syl. i woke up in a cold sweat thinking of like… könig. already off to a great start ik. but space opera könig. (not like star wars or anything) but think like 70s aesthetics all bright and colorful. he’s a bandit in a stolen ship, formerly part of a military group making peace with other planets but something went awry and he’s just having fun now!

reader is part of a small research group that has landed on a planet he’s camped out on and he’s just like “ok” followed by “i want that”. steals all of her supplies and then her. doesn’t care how much she protests when he just hauls her over his shoulder, pats her butt bc he thinks THATS going to calm her down and throws her into his ship.

she’s happy he’s not some creepy alien but at the same time who really knows what’s under that hood anyway hmmmm and she wants to hate him but also all that’s playing in her head is that one rah band song. messages from the stars lmao please. there is something in the way you write that is so special to me and if you were to come up with a full blown story for my dumb idea i think i would scream for 20 hours straight.

lil wisp….. you have no idea what this has done to me. i am going to be thinking about this for an eternity. let’s cook.. i see your vision and i would love nothing more than this too!!

content/warnings: implied violence, abduction, dubcon groping?

König’s been on his own, drifting through the stars for so long. Only raiding the ships he comes across for food, supplies, and when he stumbles across a mechanic he puts them to work with a silly laser rifle pointed right at their head (because let’s face it— when you’re a wanted space pirate who in the universe is going to fix your ship for you??). He’s put all of human etiquette far behind him, and now his life is quite literally just one relentless adventure. He wouldn’t have it any other way!

That is, until his ship is fucked up again, displaying about thirty bright red warnings on its silly hologram screens that he just can not make sense of. The thing is old, has been shot at more times than even he can count, and it’s finally failing him if the loud sputtering and incessant orbital beeps are anything to go by. He considers his luck has run out when he lands the damned thing on some hunk of rock out on the outskirts of a galaxy most don’t even bother with, because there’s nothing out here.

Thankfully, his frustration is short-lived because a smaller ship lands only a few days later; painted in the bright, pearlescent blues and pinks of your standard peace-keeping, research vessel. It’s the perfect craft to steal and it wouldn’t even be difficult… the three humans that exit are so much smaller than him and entirely unguarded. They’re just here to study a few minerals, maybe haul some back to their little camp a few worlds over for fuel and research. He won’t even get into too much trouble for it, he thinks, because even his trashed ship could take them back home. See!! He isn’t all that bad…

At least, until he notices her, bent over admiring some silly, little cluster of crystals in her skin-tight jumpsuit that makes him see stars. The heavy boots that rise up to her knees making her look like little more than a fauness, and she’s so pretty he just can’t help but get a closer look while her teammates are off chittering away and exploring the nothing planet.

She isn’t even afraid of him when he approaches. Just straightens up with her hands clasped in front of her and a smile on her face. She hasn’t seen the holograms of him, displaying a sizable bounty for his veiled head, doesn’t take a wary note of the massive rifle he has slung over his shoulder; she just sees another person. He hasn’t been looked at like that since long before he left home!!

This sweet woman has no sense of self-preservation either, because she immediately asks him if he needs food or water; gestures over to her brightly colored ship with that pretty smile ever-present on her face, and that’s all it takes for him to decide that not only is he taking the craft, he’s taking her too.

He doesn’t say a word when he lifts her up over his shoulder, and the poor thing must be shocked because it takes her a moment before she starts squirming in his grip. König does well to remove the little radio strapped to her hip, giving her ass a firm squeeze in the process before tossing it in the dust behind him. That’s all it takes to shut his little prinzessin up before he hauls her back into her ship and demands she turn off any tracking systems. Her knees are a bit weak when she fumbles with the control panels, and he’s unashamed of his own erection when he slides in behind her to lean over the console as the ship starts up.

She whines about leaving her friends stranded, of course, but he’s in a world of his own when he grabs her by the hips and seats her in his lap while she pilots. Never mind the others, he’ll take good care of her, honest!!

[bae04xx]

Heyyy I just saw it post and like I couldn't resist sending in an ask (or request if you will)!! If you want to could you write a bill cipher (yes ik💀) x reader where he and the reader are dating but get into an argument and he just says/does sum really mean stuff?? Fluff ending tho please I can't take only angst lmao, for the reader i would pref a Fem reader but gn is fine to!! Also for bill could he be in his triangle form?? (I'm so sorry if this is a long ask💀💀) but yeah that's it!!

One last thing if you don't mind could I be the 😻 anon so like if I send a ask/message I will add that and yk its me!!

-😻

hey ofc, sorry don’t check my tumblr that often! i would love to :)

thanks 😻 anon :)

bill cipher x fem! reader

angst and fluff 🖤☁️

i grabbed my bags out of my car boot, harshly gripping them between my fingers, which the knuckles of began to loose their colour from the chill in the air. after shutting the car doors and locking it up i begin storming down the pebbled drive towards my little cottage of a home. i sigh as i drop my bags and twist the key into the lock. i walk into the warmth of my house- silence greets me. after a full day at work, a very busy day might i add, then running about 5 errands i expect my home to be as i left it, cleaned to perfection. my eyes squint at the crumbs left all over hallway’s floor, i walk through them and set my bags onto the kitchen’s table- only to see condiments and dirty dishes scattered on the counters.

i quickly put my food shopping away, then hastily clean the house top to bottom, from hoovering to polishing to mopping to cleaning all of his dirty clothes because god forbid he contribute anything to this house and take any weight off my already drowning shoulders. i bury my face into my hands and curl up on my sofa, after sitting like this for a few minutes i decide to sit up and distract myself, flipping through a few tv channels to find a decent one.

i wonder why i’m even here, i was only meant to be in gravity falls temporarily, after my mother decided i was too much for her, she shipped me off to live with my aunt for the summer- aunty suz, or as the locals called her, lazy suzan. she ran a diner, which i helped out with as my keep, and there i met the twins. i felt like mable understood me, she really helped me deal with my mental health and overcome it all. she was my bestfriend- until i fell for him. i made the stupid mistake of choosing bill cipher, a living breathing demon, over my bestfriend. and now i’m stuck in this hell hole- gravity falls.

“loving boyfriend my ass..” i mumbled, throwing the tv remote to the ground in frustration.

“what about me were you saying, peach?” he smirks, materialising out of no where, with a snarky expression.

“what the fuck have you been doing all day cipher? i work my ass off and i come home to the house a state?” i plead, standing up to be someone as tall as the floating figure.

“woah woah woah, don’t be so aggressive peach, calm it and remember who you’re speaking to,” he warns, i laugh at him.

“i do everything for you cipher, i have up my life for you and this is the thanks i get? no support, messing with my home and threats? i have every right to be angry at you, you always do this!”

“do what exactly, peach?” his eyes narrow at me, staring me down.

“fuck me over! you expect to be fed, even though you don’t need to eat and can make anything you want appear but no- i have to supply it for you, to clean in a clean house but it’s fine for you to constantly mess it up, and to leave for days at a time with no warning and then just appear back and expect me to be fine? and treat me like shit!”

“i can do whatever the fuck i want peach, whatever i want-“ he grabs me by the chin, “you listen to me, you’re a puppet in my hands, you’re lucky i’m even giving the time of day. you’re only around because i like you, and you’re so lucky i like you because do you wanna know what would happen if i didn’t?”

…

“you’d be dead, rotting your own personal hell. so show me a little respect? don’t forget your place.”

i push myself away from him, i regretfully look in my eyes, i don’t know what to do, so i just stand there, scared, confused, anxious yet angry.

“i’m going, don’t try and get in my head, i don’t want you there.” i announce, before storming off and grabbing my handbag.

“i’ll never get out of your head, you belong to me remember, you’re nothing without me.” he announced, as though he’s just next to me but he isn’t. i’m in the car, applying as much pressure to the accelerator as i can- and he’s no where near me. he’s in my fucking head again. i have no space, no boundaries, i’m not just me, i’m him too- and i have no choice. i can’t escape.

i break as hard as i can, in the middle of a road, no cars were within a mile radius of me, perks of living i. a quiet town. i scream, a blood curdling scream, my nails clawing into my h/c, tears stream out of my eyes. sobbing uncontrollably i feel an arm snake around me, pulling me close.

he’s shushing me, trying to calm me down as a shriek and cry into his chest, not sure if i should push him away or accept him embrace. his boney hands stroke my h/c and instantly calms me, not by my choice though- the bastard is in my head again.

“i’ve given everything for you bill.” i state, wiping my tears away, a dead look in my eyes.

“i’m sorry peach,” he hugs me tightly, “i know i’m shitty, but i’m so sorry.”

and he just holds me, let’s me stay in his arms, i focus on my breathing, as he plays with my hair, he whispers a small ‘i love you’ in my ear, i hum back to him, too exhausted to process what’s really happened.

i wake up in my bed, changed into my favourite fleecy pyjamas, a very worried demon next to me.

i yawn, stretching my arms up, turning to him i say “and how did i get here?” my voice a little gruff from sleepiness.

“you don’t think i was going to let you sleep in the car do you? what kinda demon do you think i am?” he replied in his usually snarky yet flirtatious voice.

“ah yes sorry, you’re such the gentleman- how could i forget,” i giggle back at him before rolling away to the other side of the bed.

“i really am sorry y/n, i’m gonna try more, for you peach,”

“i love you bill,”

“i love you more peach,”

a comfortable silence surrounds us, i sigh before deciding to get up, yet just as a i begin to take the duvet off me i get it pulled start back on.

“what’re you thinking for breakfast peach? my treat, you just stay snuggled up in bed,”

“i bought some croissants yesterday, they’re in the cupboard,” i muse, before grabbing my book off the bedside table. bill let’s out a laugh.

“my treat, you just wait and see what i’ve got planned peach!”

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (06)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, kissing (omg k1ss1ng omg WHO IS IT ??? 😦), tbh this is the only warning i wanted u guys to read cuz 6 chapters in and we finally get sum action i feel like that's a win lmaooooo, jimin being Real as fook, unbeta'd cuz uhm i'm a godless menace who should be conked on the head, once again we are severely lacking jk in his own fic lol i'm owning up to this 🤗 BUT! this is probably the last chapter where jk feels like a side character lol apologies my dudes

rating: PG-13

word count: 8.1k (honestly i wrote obs6 just so i could get to obs7 lmao that's why it's a lil bit shorter)

note: my apologies if this sucks. you are legally allowed to stone me if you hate it. but i hope you don't hate it. but if you do hate it don't tell me just stone me lol 🤐 why am i so unhinged with this update

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Exile - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

The picture is fucking terrible.

“Jimin, what the fuck,” you grumble, staring at the huge framed photo on the wall, taken on the day of the opening party. You, Taehyung and Jimin are gathered on the floor of the dance studio, with boxes of takeout neatly sitting between the three of you. “I look like ass.”

Jimin barely glances at the wall, just continues to stuff his face with the dumplings that you ordered. “You look fine,” he says absentmindedly, mouth full, continuing to munch on the food despite your little dilemma.

“Bitch, I have my eyes closed.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I look like I’m in the middle of a sneeze.” You cross your arms in front of your chest, squinting at your photographed self again. The more you look at it, the more irritated you become.

Realistically, you know nobody would pay enough attention to notice the immortalized visual of your fluttering eyes, and you yourself wouldn’t care about it that much. Maybe you would even laugh in good spirits and poke fun at yourself as you often do. Make a meme of it for the group chat.

“What’s the big deal?” Jimin asks.

You shrug petulantly. “I told you. I look like ass.”

Yeah, true, but it’s also more than that.

It’s the fact that the person standing next to you looks so good that you must voice your grievances. It’s the fact that he looks so much more than just good. 

The guys stop eating to look at you. You wonder just how much of what you’re feeling is written all over your face. Regardless, they don’t comment on it. 

One of them clears his throat, shaking the whole thing off.

“Did you tell Yoongi anything yet?” Jimin asks.

You poke at a lone dumpling with your chopsticks, popping the ‘p’ when you say, “Nope.”

“Damn, Y/N,” Jimin scolds you. “It’s been three weeks. He doesn’t want to push you for an answer but the man has got to be suffering.”

You flick a piece of spring onion garnish at him. It lands on his hair, a single bit of green sitting among golden locks. “I don’t know what to tell him!”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jimin shakes the onion piece from his head and chucks it back at you. “Obviously you say yes!”

You exhale through your nose, then take a bite of your dumpling. You nibble on the fried dough, stretching out the silence, delaying your response.

It hasn’t even started, and it might not even start. But you’re already thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Yoong is your friend, first and foremost. He’s a good friend, and you would be crushed if you lose that relationship. 

What if he hurts you, or you hurt him?

Sometimes, people are meant to hurt each other even if they don’t mean to.

Yoongi hasn’t seen your pieces in all of their jagged glory, how they’re only meant to reflect the light but never be healed by it. He’s still blissfully unaware of the ugly thoughts that have a home inside your head, and you’re afraid if you let him in, he’d realize it’s a place he doesn’t want to be. It’s hard to love a broken thing. You wouldn’t want to love you either.

Maybe this is the real reason that’s been holding you back all this time. Maybe it isn’t Jungkook - though he certainly isn’t absolved - but it’s you, and how you just don’t know if you’re someone who deserves to love and be loved. You’ve felt inadequate more times than you can count. You’ve been left before. Who’s to say it isn’t going to happen again?

You’re well aware that this is a bad way to look at things, but can anyone really blame you? You still have a heart, and despite how fragmented it is, you still want to protect it.

“I know that look,” Taehyung says, parting your fog and pulling you back to him. “You’re overthinking again.”

You roll your eyes. He knows you so well, but does he have to call you out every time?

“I’m not overthinking. I’m regular thinking.”

“Right. And to normal people, that’s overthinking.”

“It’s just…” you wonder out loud, gaze on the floor. “What if I go all in, and Yoongi sees me for who I am and thinks that I’m just an utterly sad person who can’t be loved? That I’m too much work when he’s got literally thousands of people throwing themselves at him left and right?”

Taehyung stares at the side of your face as he bites the inside of his cheek. His tongue soothes the spot, his jaw clenching once. “He’s not going to think that.”

“You don’t know that,” you say, the corners of your mouth tugging down.

“You’re not unlovable just because one person didn’t love you right. So stop it with that bullshit, because I love you,” he says, voice serious. Even Jimin stays silent as he listens to his friend, his eyes flickering between you and Taehyung. “And Jimin loves you. Hobi loves you.”

You merely blink, because you hate it when he’s right. In all fairness, you understand. This is the same thing you would tell him if the situation were reversed.

You deflect anyway. That’s what you do best.

“You don’t count,” you tell him with an unserious scoff, your tone starkly contrasting his. “You’re my family.”

You taste something bitter as soon as the words leave your mouth. You should know better than anyone, that just because someone’s your family, doesn’t mean they have to love you.

Taehyung reenacts the blinking guy meme before chuckling, holding a hand over his chest like you’ve just wounded him. “Ouch.”

“You two are getting nowhere,” Jimin interjects. “Just call Yoongi.”

“And say what?” you ask.

“I told you. Say yes. God, you’re so dense sometimes.”

You reach over to jab a finger into his side, making him hiss and shuffle away from you.

“That wasn’t nice,” you grumble.

“Well, somebody’s gotta say it.” He gives you a look, eyebrows raised for a few seconds before he lowers them and grows more stern. “Come on, Y/N. You know you don’t want to say no, or else you would’ve turned him down already. You said you wanted to start dating again. Yoongi is practically on his knees offering himself to you. What are you waiting for?”

There’s a voice in the back of your head - tiny, barely audible - that whispers, Who are you waiting for?

“Fuck it, I’ll say it,” Jimin continues. “It sucks balls that Jungkook hurt you, but you can’t let that affect you for the rest of your life. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You’re not even giving Yoongi a chance just because someone else did you dirty. If you keep always thinking about the worst possible outcome and banking on it to happen, then you’re never going to get anywhere. I love you, dude, but y’know.”

You stare at Jimin with your mouth slightly open, stunned into silence. When you glance at Taehyung, he’s surprised too, though probably not as much as you.

After a couple of minutes, you say, “Wow.”

“Tough love. I have my moments.” Jimin shrugs casually, like he didn’t just drop a truth bomb on your head. “But also…” He picks his phone up and types something in. Your phone instantly buzzes with a notification.

“Open the link I just sent you,” he says.

“You are literally sitting across from me.”

“Just open it! I made you a playlist.”

“Aw, Jimin, that’s so cute,” you coo softly, reaching over to pinch his cheek before he swats your hand away. You unlock your phone to see what Jimin made you, because that is some friendship hall of fame stuff right there. However, when the link redirects you to your music app, your smile immediately drops.

Aaand he’s back.

You stare at the screen for a good ten seconds to try and find your bearings, flabbergasted at something that is quite honestly very on-brand for Jimin if you think about it. “You made me a playlist called Dick Appointment with an eggplant emoji and the tongue out emoji and it’s mostly just Yoongi’s songs. Even the playlist cover is from his Valentino shoot.”

“So you can get it on while Agust D plays in the background!” Jimin grins, and you could just smack it right off his face.

“Park Jimin, who raised you? You are vile.”

“Validate me,” he demands. Oh, you would smack him. You really would. “I spent hours making that playlist.”

“It’s literally just Yoongi’s songs.”

“Yeah, but I had to curate an experience. I can’t just dump every song into a playlist and call it a day. I gotta make sure they fit the vibe.”

“I literally just heard the most profound shit from you not even two minutes ago.” Then, you turn to Taehyung with an exasperated look on your face. “Why would you let him do this?”

He just waves a dismissive hand in the air, like Jimin isn’t even there. “I’m not responsible for the stupid shit he does.”

Jimin crosses his arms in front of his chest, both eyebrows raised dramatically as he gapes at you. “You both suck. From now on, you can make your own sexytime playlists.”

“Nobody even asked you to do that!” you cry.

“Yeah! Which makes me an even more considerate friend,” he says. “Ugh. Whatever. Go call Yoongi.”

“You want me to do it now?”

“Yes. Because I know you’ll wuss out when you’re alone. You can stay and put him on speakers for us to hear or you can go out into the hallway. Come on, chop chop.”

“No, I have to text him first,” you protest. “What if he’s busy?”

Jimin narrows his eyes at you suspiciously, but allows you this after a moment. “Fine.”

You take out your phone from your bag that’s lying carelessly on the floor to draft a quick message to Yoongi. 

[12:59] You: got a minute?

The three of you go back to the food, abandoning the previous topic of conversation in favor of something lighter and meaningless or else you would go crazy waiting for Yoongi’s reply. After you’re finished, you and Taehyung are in the middle of putting away all the empty containers and soda cans when your phone buzzes again. 

You go to grab it to look at the notification, hands already starting to sweat.

[13:17] Yoongi: for you? always :)

You turn back to the guys to find them already looking at you. Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively while Taehyung just stares at you.

“Time to get your whore on,” Jimin says in an exaggeratedly sultry voice.

You turn to Taehyung for help. “He’s bullying me.”

“Ignore him,” your best friend tells you gently. “Go call Yoongi.”

When you take your phone out into the hallway, you make sure to go to the far end of it, near the main entrance so the two dorks can’t eavesdrop. You’ll tell them everything once you come back anyway, but you don’t want them within earshot while you’re in the middle of it.

Yoongi picks up your call on the third ring. In the background, your ear picks up on some chatter.

“Hey, princess,” he greets you. Then he holds the phone away from his ear to tell someone that he’d be back in a bit.

“Hey,” you say. “Where are you?”

“Just at a fitting. I have an ad campaign to film next week,” he answers. “Did you call just to get my whereabouts?”

“No, I… If you’re busy, we can talk later.”

“We’re still in the middle of lunch break anyway. What did you want to talk about?”

You briefly regret not taking a minute to psych yourself up before. You suck in a deep breath, which eases your nerves for just a second, long enough for you to say, “Yes.”

You’re met with brief silence from the other end of the line, which only makes your palms more clammy than they already are.

“Yes?” he echoes confusedly. “Yes what?”

“Yes,” you say again. “To…”

The silence commences once more, and lasts longer than you think you can handle. Then, you hear him stop in the middle of a breath.

“Oh.” A subsequent chuckle in response to the lightbulb that must’ve been switched on. “To that?”

“...Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

It feels like you two have invented a secret language that nobody else could understand. A single syllable, bouncing off the metaphorical walls of your conversation. Two idiots sharing the same brain cell.

“Yes?” he continues to prod, but at this point, you know he’s just teasing you.

“Yes! God, stop making me say it again. We sound so stupid.”

He graces you with a hearty laugh that makes you fight back a sheepish smile, even though there isn’t a single soul in sight to witness it. Yoongi makes you so fucking shy for some reason. Your nerves dissolve momentarily as you lean against the wall, your index finger running along a crack in the paint.

“Hmm, I wish you would’ve told me this in person,” he says, his voice soft.

“I can’t handle you in person. You’d tease me so much.”

“Because you’re adorable when you’re flustered, that’s why.” He waits a second before adding, “You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?”

“You’re being overly confident, Min.”

“Maybe,” he responds easily. “But am I right, though?”

“Shut up.”

When Yoongi said he would cook for you, you almost gasped.

“You can cook?” you had asked. It wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation or anything, but you suppose you’d never given much thought to the hidden sides of him. 

“Y/N,” he laughed then. “I’m a great cook. I could probably make a pretty decent career out of being a chef.”

“I didn’t know that,” you told him sheepishly.

“There’s a lot of things you still need to know about me.” It sounded like a promise. Like I’m willing to show you me. Like I’m willing to take the first step if you’d be in this with me too. “Does that sound like a good idea? You, me, dinner at your place?”

“My place?”

“Yeah, so you’ll be more comfortable. I’ll come over.”

This one simple gesture shouldn’t affect you that much, but it does. You appreciate that he’s considerate even when it comes to the littlest things. You swell with gratitude for the thought he puts into this, into putting your comfort first. It made you feel a bit better about yourself, calmed your stormy sea of thoughts enough to rationally accept the fact that he genuinely cares.

Regardless, it doesn’t stop you from spending most of the day obsessively cleaning your apartment. Even - and especially - your bedroom, although you’re sure that is not where the night will end. Every surface is spotless, not a single speck of dust to be found. It’s like the goddamn Pope is coming over for a house inspection. 

You haven’t had a first date in… fuck, how long has it been now? Nine years? It’s almost been a fucking decade already? You honestly can’t tell if that’s embarrassing or not.

But you remember the last time.

College, freshman year, with Jungkook. His yellow piece of sticky note that he slipped inside your favorite book. His adorably flustered expression when he timidly stood in front of you in the campus library. The way he was trying so hard to be confident and charming throughout your first dinner together. How he ran back to you after saying goodnight.

No.

You shut your eyes and shake your head, warding off any Jungkook-related thoughts before they could send you spiraling. You can’t reminisce about your ex while waiting for someone else to show. Yoongi deserves better, and that’s what you’re trying to be.

You’re not exactly sure how nice you should dress tonight. Yoongi told you that you could be clad in sweats for all he cares. If the dinner didn’t hold any connotation other than platonic, maybe you would’ve really donned your loungewear like you were merely having Taehyung and Jimin over for pizza.

You’d completely forgotten all the things people worry about in the early stages of dating, when you want to impress the other person but don’t want them to think that you’re trying too hard. 

Calm down. It’s just Yoongi. He’s seen you ugly crying with mascara running down your face, for fuck’s sake.

In the end, you opt for a sweater and a comfortable skirt. Casual. 

Yoongi rings your doorbell about ten minutes later than when he said he’d be there, holding a bag full of groceries. The visual alone makes you bite back a giggle and subsequently fail. You believe this is what people would call husband material.

You take his coat and guide him into your home. “Welcome to my humble abode,” you say shyly, gesturing around as you lead him into the kitchen to show him where everything is. Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. If Taehyung or Jimin could see you right now, they would probably laugh. Hoseok would straight up be rolling on the floor.

You barely breathe as you watch Yoongi take in his surroundings. It’s intimidating, even though you know it’s just Yoongi. 

“I actually don’t know what I expected, but I like it. It’s very you,” he comments, smiling.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s cute,” he says, throwing you a wink as he leans against your kitchen counter.

You avert your gaze immediately. “Oh… Thanks,” you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater. “So, uhm, what are you making? How can I help?”

“Just sit down. I got this.”

“Yoongi,” you say his name in protest. “I want to h-”

“I’m trying to romance you here. Let me do that,” Yoongi says, his smile turning lopsided as he starts emptying the contents of his grocery bags. Even though his tone is light, the gentle reminder of tonight being a date shuts you right up.

You take a seat at your dining table, though you can’t really sit still. As Yoongi starts working, you absentmindedly talk to each other about your day, about his campaign, about Seokjin’s album. At one point, you get up to creep over to his side when the smell of whatever he’s making becomes more prominent. You try to peek at the pot, curious, but he just shoos you away by bumping his hip against yours.

When you give him a small pout, you pretend not to notice the way his eyes dart to your mouth. You retract yourself from his personal space, choosing a spot on the other side of your kitchen island, staring at his back as he works.

You watch him expertly navigate your kitchen like he’s been here before. When he’s finished, he makes you sit down, not even letting you help bring the food to the table.

“What is it?” you ask once he’s settled in his seat, everything plated in front of you.

“Kimchi jjigae,” he says, a proud look on his face. “My mom’s recipe.”

It’s endearing, and it makes you smile.

For the most part, Yoongi lets you eat in peace, though there’s still a couple of flirtatious comments here and there. Every time it comes, you bite down on your bottom lip to try and snap out of that daze before you cough, as if that would help tone down the colors adorning your face. There’s no verbal response from you, and it seems like Yoongi doesn’t expect one either, because he just chuckles. You think he must notice the palpable nervousness that radiates off of you, but it’s not like you’re doing a very good job at hiding it.

You’re taking baby steps and he knows it. The fact that you even agreed to this at all is already major progress.

When you’re done eating, he clears the table while he asks you to open the expensive bottle of wine that he brought over. It does wonders for your nerves.

Three glasses in and you’re visibly more relaxed as you both sit on the couch in the living room, facing each other. There’s a small smile on your face that you can’t help, maybe it’s some of your inhibitions wearing off as a side effect of the alcohol. 

You glance around the room, and you take in the sight of Yoongi sitting here, this close to you. He feels bigger than your small world can handle.

“You know,” you start. If the wine didn’t make you more mellow, you probably wouldn’t be saying this. “There are thousands of people thirsting over you every day.”

Yoongi tilts his head, swirling the wine in his glass. “Really?”

“Don’t you look at the internet? I personally know two girls from college who are on the Yoongi Marry Me train,” you say matter-of-factly, like you aren’t borderline tipsy in front of him.

You aren’t an avid Twitter user, but every time you check the damn bird app, Yoongi is almost always trending. In every single one of his posts on social media, there is always an influx of comments asking him to marry them. Not only that, when word first got out about you collaborating with Agust D back then, people you knew - both old friends and acquaintances - practically bombarded your messages to see if it was true, and to ask if you could get them an autograph.

Yoongi stretches out his legs until they brush against yours. Your stomach flips even though it’s only your legs that are barely touching.

“The what train?”

“You seriously don’t know about the Yoongi Marry Me movement? Look it up. It’s a whole thing. People would do anything to, I don’t know, hold your hand or something.”

With an amused look on his face, he holds your gaze. “Would you?”

“What?”

“Would you do all of that just to hold my hand? Because you don’t have to, y’know.” He brings the wine glass to his lips, partially hiding his face from you, and you don’t know whether he’s doing it for your sake or his in preparation for the words he speaks next. “But I would do it to hold yours.”

You’re sure that your cheeks are burning bright, your stomach twisted in knots. It’s the wine, but it’s definitely the effect of his words too. You stare at Yoongi in surprise; no matter how many times he openly flirts with you, he’d still elicit the same reaction from you. It’ll be hard to get used to it. He just always seems to know what to say to make you blush like a schoolgirl, which you resent but you can’t deny the sparks of excitement that make your fingertips tingle.

Yoongi is smooth, and it’s even worse - or is it better? You haven’t decided yet - that you know he means every word he says. It makes you feel… wanted. It’s good to know that he’s being genuine, and to know that Yoongi isn’t the type of person who would ever pull the rug out from under you.

Yoongi is… stable.

You suppose, after everything you’ve been through, that stability is what you need. It’s good for you.

You try to swerve around the thoughts, to avoid them at all costs, but deep down you know now that they’re glaringly true.

That love is stored in two bags of groceries, so filled to the brim that some onions almost fall out. Love is stored in every flick of his wrist holding a knife, slicing the sharp blade across your cutboard. Clean cuts, yet he’s never this way when it comes to you.

Love is stored in a fond smile and adoring eyes when he sees how you cradle your expensive dishware like it’s a newborn baby before you set it carefully on the table.

Love is stored in a Yoongi-shaped silhouette, dancing over your countertops with practiced precision in every movement, filling in the cracks of your home. The love in him is reserved because you, like the moon when it crescents, still have a ways to go.

When he stands at your door an hour later with his coat in hand, you wait for him to speak first.

“Performance review?” he asks. “How did I do?”

“I… liked it. It was nice,” you say honestly. But you still feel the wine in your system, and it makes you bold enough to tease him for a change. “But it was my first date in a while, so it’s hard to tell if that opinion is objective.”

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Do I qualify for a second date then?”

You hum in thought, making him wait on purpose. “Yeah, I guess,” you say, feigning nonchalance, which earns you a hearty laugh.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asks, hopeful.

“Don’t know yet,” you answer, though you’ll probably end up going home and catching up on a kdrama. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

“Just in the morning. I have a shoot in the afternoon.” He shifts to lean his weight on his other leg, tipping his body closer to you. “But I can pick you up after.”

“Yeah? And where would we go?”

Yoongi shrugs in earnest. “Just drive around? Grab a bite?” he thinks out loud, tilting his head slightly to one side for emphasis. “I could take you to that popup store you mentioned.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “You would stand in line with me to buy a novelty mug?”

“Pretty sure we wouldn’t have to stand in line if I gave them a call,” he says, grinning. “One of the perks of the job, y’know.”

“Must be nice,” you laugh, then shift to lean just a tad closer to him. You look at him for a brief moment before you agree, “Yeah, okay.”

You and Yoongi stand there at the door, each of you on either side of the threshold. This would be an appropriate moment for a kiss, you think. That explosive first kiss, if this were a movie. Exhilaration courses through your veins. You feel it from your head to the tips of your fingers to your toes. The feeling is rendering you a mere teenager again. 

It’s exciting because it’s new. You have the entire book ahead of you, waiting to be written. At this point, anything could happen. You’re a blank canvas waiting to be drawn, a blank page hoping to be written. 

Wait.

Back up.

A kiss?

A kiss?!

With Yoongi?

You’re thinking about kissing Yoongi?!

Fuck.

Fuck?!

It’s the wine.

Your thoughts knock against each other like bumper cars, echoing loudly in your brain that it almost gives you a headache.

You stay still as Yoongi leans down, your heart racing while your brain just keyboard-smashes. You can’t tell if you want him to kiss you or not, but when he only presses his lips against your cheek, you feel two emotions at once.

The first is disappointment, the second is relief. They press down on you with almost equal force, and you’re not really sure which one weighs heavier.

Baby steps.

You blink when he pulls away, and he just smiles fondly at you as if he can read your mind.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You watch him until he’s in the elevator, until the doors close and the lift descends. Even when you know that he must be on his way to his car and that someone else is making their way up, you stand there, with your hand loosely wrapped around the door handle, your breathing slightly erratic as you process what just happened. 

Déjà vu? 

It’s oddly reminiscent.

You’ve been here before.

Part of you thinks he’ll burst through the elevator doors, or rush up the stairs if the lift is occupied, and come back to grab your face and kiss you senseless.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook knows you’re probably waiting for Yoongi.

He’s seen Yoongi pick you up after work almost daily over the past couple of weeks, and it’s driving him insane. Even on the days that Yoongi comes to the studio during the day, the guy is all over you, so much so that he doesn’t even bother being a nuisance to Jungkook anymore, which just makes him a thousand times more insufferable.

Something is happening.

He can’t weasel shit out of Jimin anymore because Jimin has been especially tight-lipped after accidentally spilling Yoongi’s confession to you.

Because that should be him in Yoongi’s place. Or should he say his place, and Yoongi is just a placeholder. An imposter.

Because it used to be him that you smiled shyly at.

Jimin’s words have been plaguing his every waking hour since he was forced to hear them. If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too. It feels like he’s rewinding all of your memories, retracing them with cautious fingers only to find that his every footstep is being erased to make room for someone else.

An abandoned dirt road, while you walk down a flower-filled path holding someone else’s hand.

Like you’re stamping him out.

Like he was never there at all.

Not only are you denying him a chance, you’re giving it to someone else. When he tries to move at someone else’s pace, all he gets is left behind.

It’s not about Yoongi; or at least, it’s not just about him. Yoongi doesn’t even really matter to Jungkook in this equation. It’s about what Yoongi represents. An idea of a person that Jungkook can never be.

A bigger life. A stable present and an even brighter future. Yoongi is everything better than him.

And that’s his own problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. At the end of the day, no one has to live with his insecurities but himself.

But still, he can’t help it. Whenever he sees you with Yoongi, his eyes burn. Please don’t let him take my place, he wishes every time, you’re the only good thing about me.

It’s jealousy, sure, of course it’s there. 

But what if you realize what everyone else already knows? That Yoongi is better in every single way. That Yoongi is the person who really deserves you.

What if you start to see Jungkook the way he sees himself?

You hating him - despising him with every cell in your body - is a thousand times better than you deeming him unworthy.

“I talked to Jihyo,” he speaks up suddenly, when it’s only the two of you.

“Okay,” you answer, never taking your eyes off the page in front of you. You must have circled the words daisy a thousand times already, wracking your brain for anything that rhymes. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this, but good for you.”

At this point, you wonder if you should just avoid the studio for the time being. It’s empty here again. You resent Seokjin for drowning in concept photos. You resent Namjoon for leaving Jungkook here to fend for himself, but it’s only fair, because Namjoon was only supposed to give him a helping hand, not take over the whole thing. You even resent Yoongi a bit, for not being here right this second.

“I talked to her,” Jungkook says again, ignoring your sass. “She won’t give you a hard time anymore.”

This makes you look at him. You never asked him to do this. You never asked him to do anything. In fact, you have only ever implored him to sit still and leave things alone.

“She never gave me a hard time,” you say. Sure, you don’t appreciate being given the death glare first thing in the morning, but it’s not something that you can’t ignore. It doesn’t actively affect you, and the only reason Jihyo does it is because of Jungkook.

Because he broke things off with her?

Because he gives you more attention?

Ugh. Attention?

This is the stupidest and most childish thing you have had to think about in ages.

“You said she acts differently toward you.”

“And aren’t you the reason why?” you counter. “Because you two were fucking?”

Jungkook visibly winces at your words, like he did when you mentioned it the first time in the break room. You don’t mean to be snarky; you’re just stating the facts. They were hooking up. 

You don’t harbor any ill will toward any of his past lovers, and that includes Jihyo. You know she doesn’t have anything against you either, at least not on a personal level because you don’t know each other well enough to do so. She’s just someone you pass by every day on your way to the elevator.

“So why did things end?” you ask just for the sake of it, since he was the one who brought it up. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious.

He hesitates for a moment. “She wanted something more and it wasn’t the same for me.”

It’s stupid that the tiny voice in the back of your head resurfaces, hoping that you were the reason why he couldn’t pursue things with another woman.

Jihyo isn’t you, that much is clear. You never asked for anything more from him, not once from start to finish. He was always the first one to pour love into you. It’s arguable which one of you loved the other more - maybe you loved each other equally, just in different ways - but it was a fact that Jungkook always took the initiative. He made the first move so you wouldn’t have to. He gave you the option to match his affection, and never have to worry about being left out to dry.

He took initiative, right until the very end.

You bite your bottom lip, then give him a curt response, “Okay.”

Your phone vibrates with a text from Yoongi but you don’t open it just yet. You look at Jungkook, who only looks back at you. His lips part slightly as he searches for the right words, or any word at all. It’s like you’re asking him to navigate a minefield when all he has to do is be honest. Even if he told you that he fell out of love with you, it wouldn’t be that bad. You would be hurt, yes, but you wouldn’t blame him. You would understand. It would be a reason.

Silence fills the room, save for the continuous tapping of your pen on paper.

He says your name, pleading. “I’m trying here.”

At Jimin’s party, Jungkook said you were someone important to him. You don’t doubt that he meant it, and that’s what infuriates you the most. You’re important, but he keeps running circles around you and making your head spin. You’re important, but everything he’s done makes you think that you’re the opposite. You’re important, just not important enough to get an explanation.

You know he’s genuine about everything he says, but that’s not enough. You can’t sustain yourself on just his words alone.

It’s another cycle of the same conversation, running over and over and over again. He’s reaching out but he’s holding back. You’re still getting nowhere. You don’t know how many times he has to make you ask this, only to not give you any clarity at all.

If there is a trait of Jungkook’s that you both love and hate at the same time, it is that he doesn’t know when to quit.

He texts you every day even when you don’t reply - one for good morning, and one for goodnight. He gets you a chai latte every day, which doesn’t do shit for your concentration because there’s not enough caffeine in it. He gets the door for you whenever you go into the same room together. He hounds your every waking moment. He makes sure that he’s the first thing you see when you wake up, and the last thought that crosses your mind before you go to sleep.

I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

You suppose this is him, showing up again. In a lot of ways, it’s selfish. But it’s an effort too. Now your phone is full of meaningless messages that remain unread.

You barely glance at him. It’s routine at this point. He tries in ways that you don’t bother acknowledging anymore, because you figured that the best course of action is to let him wear himself out.  When he has had enough of it, when he deems his efforts to be enough to absolve his guilt, he’ll stop. He has to.

But at what point does it stop?

At what point will you stop wanting to give in to him? Your mind rages wars with itself every time you feel his eyes on you, and you have to kill the urge to not turn your head and look at him too. At what point will you stop wanting to go to him and let him in again? At what point will you stop unconsciously making him a priority?

All of this, you supposed, is to say: Do you still love him?

You know that if you sit down and get to the root of it, you’ll find an answer you don’t like. Even in this moment, you want him to tell you just a fraction of the truth, because that would probably be enough to reel you back in.

Your own heart claws at your chest but this is how it has to be for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time, gently nudge your heart in one direction like a child that needs to be goaded, until he doesn’t live on the forefront of your mind anymore.

Until someone else does.

“No, you’re not.” You stand up then, closing your notebook with more force than necessary. “If you’re really trying, then I wouldn’t still be wondering why I wasn’t enough to make you stay.”

Even then, you’re still hoping that he’d say something else. But when you’re only met with silence, the anticipated disappointment in you bubbles, boiling. His reluctance to clue you in makes it easier for you to decide.

There's someone else who's willing to give you things that you don't even need to ask for.

In your mind, it's clear who you should choose.

Jungkook clenches his teeth, holding his breath as he watches you shove your things into your bag. “Are you going home?” he asks after a minute.

You could say yes and let the conversation die a swift and simple death. But for some reason, you choose to kill it violently. You bite the inside of your cheek before you tell him, “I don’t know. Yoongi’s picking me up.”

The chagrinned look that takes over his features for a split second is one that you immediately catch. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure you know how he feels about this, or maybe you still have a way of reading him somehow. Regardless of what his face tells you, he doesn’t prod any further.

Your phone vibrates on the table, the sound ten times more thunderous amidst the silence that’s befallen the both of you. You don’t need to check the screen to know who’s calling, and neither does he. When you leave, the sound of your fading footsteps ricochets off the walls. It shoots right through him.

He hears every word of that conversation ringing in his ears then. He recalls that afternoon’s sunset; it was the most beautiful sunset he saw that year, despite the sun overhead mocking him with every magnificent glint of light. He sees the look on your face when his words finally register in your mind, the Oh moment when you understood what he was saying, when the smile you wore sunk helplessly to the floor because even though you knew that love had an expiration date, you hoped your love would be the exception. 

That memory fades, only to be replaced by something much worse. He sits there with Jimin’s words, echoing in his mind, reverberating around the room.

Technically, you and Yoongi haven’t been on a second date. You think.

You’ve seen him almost every night since the dinner, when he picks you up at the studio. Sometimes, you two just drive around. Sometimes, you sit by the river in the cold, eating hot ramen cups and giggling over nothing. Sometimes, he just takes you straight to your home if he has a packed schedule the next day.

These days, you see Yoongi even more than you see Taehyung. Even though he hasn’t explicitly implied that any of these outings is a date, you know you aren’t hanging out as just friends anymore.

It feels good to be wanted. The feeling is reinforced tenfold because it’s been so long that it’s like you’re experiencing it for the first time in a new body, as a different person.

But even after all of that, you two can still go back to being friends like nothing ever happened. Because in a way, maybe nothing did happen. Maybe things have always been like this between you, the only difference is now you’re noticing the meaning behind his words and glances.

You two can still go back, because technically, no line has been crossed.

But tonight, something feels different. It’s colder, but Yoongi keeps you warm with all the looks he’s been giving you all night.

It feels like you’re both toeing that line right now. 

You know that once you cross it, things can’t revert back to the way they were anymore.

You know that it will happen eventually, because Yoongi isn’t doing this just to half-ass it. He won’t back out, and he has made it crystal clear from the start. 

Usually, this is the part where he tells you goodnight and you have to pretend not to freak out when he kisses you on the cheek in goodbye.

He takes a step closer, you take no step back. 

“You know what I’m about to do, right?”

You do. You could say you’re even hopeful.

“I might have an idea…”

“Okay,” he says easily. He takes your waist in his hands and brings you closer. The way the corner of his mouth tugs upward tells you that he’s pleased, that you know what’s about to come and you’re letting it happen. Still, he asks, “Can I?”

You nod. That glowing sensation washes over you in waves.

“Words, princess,” he reminds you. 

Your hands land on the lapel of his coat. “Yes, you can.”

He chuckles, and squeezes you a little tighter. 

Then it happens.

The line you clumsily drew in the sand has been erased.

Yoongi is kissing you.

You’re kissing him back. 

He’s soft and warm and he holds you like you’re delicate. His sincerity, you can feel it in his kiss, and it’s only a fraction of it. Regardless, there is still life that blooms this winter. Inside of you, small and fragile, but it’s there.

You sigh into his mouth, feeling completely limbless if not for him holding your body upright. One of his arms wounds itself tighter around your middle while his other hand tucks your hair behind your ear so he could cup your cheek more easily. Yoongi tilts his head further to one side to deepen the kiss. You feel something in his kiss that you have never heard in his words, something soft and pleading. Wanting but still contained. Out of fear that you might run away, perhaps? You can’t blame him though. You are a bit of a flight risk.

The wind dances past like a nosy bystander, pressing you further into him like it wants you to be more sure in the way you move, in how much of yourself you’re willing to give to him. Instead, the cold just makes you shiver.

When you break away, his hand on your face moves to hold the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t look half as flushed as you think you do, though his cheeks are slightly rosy.

Through a thin veil of clouds, the moon still shines down on his profile. 

The chill in the air, the mesmerizing view of moonlight dancing across his features, and most of all, the way you’re still lost in the kiss, in the feeling of being wanted.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you up,” he says, after you stay silent for a beat too long, hooded eyes basking in the warmth of a heart chasing your own. You want to want him. You do want him, but there’s still something missing. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but for now, you try not to dwell on it too much. Just let it be. Maybe in time, that void will inevitably fill.

Yoongi holds your hand through the lobby and on the whole way up even if neither of you says anything, just shy glances in the elevator and bashful half-hidden smiles. You don’t invite him in once you get to your door - because an invite now insinuates something that you just aren’t ready for - but he does kiss you again. If the kiss you shared downstairs is a proper goodnight kiss, then this one means see you later and doesn’t last half as long, but it makes you tingle just the same.

He pulls back, only to dive in again, and again, and again, until one chaste kiss turns into five and you have to push him away with a giggle so you can breathe.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still set on your mouth. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“Yoongi,” you say, a little breathily, like oxygen hasn’t sufficiently made its way into your lungs since downstairs.

He rests his forehead against yours. “You’ve never said my name like that before,” he sighs.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you again.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth and pretend to consider this even though you know you would like to be kissed again. “Maybe I do,” you say after a beat, bravely. “Just one more.”

He gives you your final kiss of the night then, one that lasts a second longer than the others, like he’s trying to memorize how you taste.

You head in once Yoongi is out of sight. You lean your body against the door the second you snap the lock shut. You touch your lips lightly, reliving those moments again even though they happened mere seconds ago. You’re buzzing with excitement like a schoolgirl, every feeling coursing through your body all at once. 

You’re familiar with this. It’s the stage right before every love song you listen to suddenly reminds you of that one person.

You go through your regular evening routine with a pep in your step, thanks to a certain person tonight. You take off your carefully applied makeup and take a nice, hot shower. You think the heat would help melt away the high that you’re riding - like you’ve had too much coffee to drink and now your senses are beyond heightened - but it doesn’t. Once you’re fresh and comfortable in your PJs, you still feel that jittery feeling seeping through your pores, keeping you awake. There’s a message from Yoongi that tells you he has made it home safely.

It’s still early, and you’re far too restless to go to bed. You decided to brew yourself a mug of chamomile tea, even though you don’t even like chamomile and you can’t remember why you even have it, but they say that apparently chamomile is good for sleep. You decide to take the mug into the living room to sort through your mini mountain of mail that should’ve been dealt with days ago.

Sitting underneath that pile of junk mail and letters addressed to the previous tenant even though you’ve lived here for nearly two years, is a cream-colored card addressed to you. The material feels smooth under your fingertips, like velvet if that’s even possible. Inside, there are two names - one you recognize and another you don’t - typed out in a fancy calligraphy font and encircled by pretty flowers, all pinks and whites and romantic.

The saccharine sensation associated with the thought of Yoongi dissipates instantly. Instead, your mind blanks, only to buzz to life again momentarily with a newfound sinking feeling dragging you down.

You suddenly realize that Jungkook hasn’t crossed your mind once tonight. Not until now. That crestfallen look in his eyes from the other night appears in your mind again, clear as day.

You are, quite literally, holding someone’s declaration of love and yet, it’s not joy that you feel, having been asked to join them on their special day. 

You never thought you would see Jungkook’s family again - even though you always adored his parents and you felt that they loved you too - let alone receive an invitation to his brother’s wedding.

remember when y'all said u wanted a wedding?? well u didn't say whose wedding 😌

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted march 27, 2023]

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Can I have more of Bucky ordering Hypnotized Steve to cum in random places? Whenever he wants, as often as he wants. And Steve can't do anything to stop it. He just has to take it. Left to watch as his body empties itself because of a single word whispered in his ear, or texted to his phone. He's not safe when he's not with Bucky either. Sometimes Bucky will make him do it with a text just because he can. To hammer in the point that Steve is *his* and that his body is *his*. 🐍

For reference, my ask box is no longer open for requests, but this is from before I closed it, so I will be writing for this ask.

also, related to this original ask, this follow-up, and then another additional follow-up (that includes selfcest)

Ooh, yes, you can have more of hypnotized/well-trained Steve. I do enjoy him, lmao. I love the idea of it not just being a trigger attached to Bucky's voice specifically but the word generally, enough that it can be texted to him and he'll obey.

How.... interesting 👀

Plus, that little part you wrote about Steve watching himself obey. That's so 🤌🏻good🤌🏻 It really speaks to how fucking involuntarily it happens for him. How helpless he is. It's an out of body experience, really. Hot damn.

(Hypnotism kink, slight humiliation/embarrassment kink, public/semi-public kink, and also slight dubious consent vibes here, like, Steve is a neon sign flashing that he fucking wants this, but there's so much control given up, that some of my words read as dub-con.)

Let's start with a bonus thought because as I thought about this, the first thing I thought of was actually nice and sweet. Go figure, lol. There's a first for everything.

As evil as Bucky can be with the power he holds over Steve's big, dumb body and its most vulgar responses, you know what?

This is also great for Steve.

Of course, it works out terribly when Bucky wants to play with him and fuck him up in the head making him get hard, go soft, or orgasm completely involuntarily on Bucky's whim, simply because he can. Yet, the control Bucky has is also fucking great when Steve (embarrassingly) can't control himself anyway.

'Cause all too often, Bucky will do something that's not supposed to be erotic but it is, it really fucking is, and so Steve's big, dumb, hyperresponsive body will go zing! twitch! flick! pumping rushes of lust hot blood through his veins, crackling down his spine, and suddenly, he's on his way to popping wood--or is already popping wood--in very inappropriate places. Just because Bucky looked at him at the wrong moment, Bucky pulled a face when eating some food, savoring the flavors, Bucky made a sound when he was stretching, trying to ease the strain his heavy prosthetic puts on his body, moaning in relief for a moment, Bucky will bend over in tight pants, okay, sometimes not even tight pants, his ass is just that good, Bucky will dare to gather his hair into a messy bun, or Bucky will do anything and Steve finds that he just can't help but rush to get hard.

Unfair.

Now, usually, something so simple as Bucky giving him a dirty look, unless it sends him into a spiral of need (like it would after days of Bucky using his power over him for evil, commanding him to get hard to use him as a living dildo only to finish, pulling an orgasm or multiple out of himself using Steve's filling dick, and then make him go soft before he can have his own orgasm), is not even enough to get him fully hard. So, the problem isn't an aching, erection. The problem is that, often, the rush of heat he feels is just enough of an outpouring for his dick to be visibly pitching a tent whatever pants he's wearing.

He doesn't need to be fully hard to look obscene, though. Not with a dick like that.

Big and thick and dumb.

Whereas before Steve was hypnotized and gave his body away so willingly, Steve would have to deal with the embarrassment of being erect, scrambling to try and distract himself by himself, an effort all his own, now he doesn't have to. So... why try?

There's no point.

Plus, normally, Bucky is so aware of Steve, always keeping tabs on him to keep him out of trouble (justice-wise or bratty-submissive-wise), that he's already on it. And Bucky won't hardly blink before calmly strolling up to Steve's side, whispering in his ear the magic word, or staying where he is but casually pulling out his phone to text Steve, staring him down until he opens his phone, and gets his body to stop. That way, with Bucky helping him, it's so easy. It can be dealt with no problem.

Sometimes, though, Steve does have to ask for what he needs--he needs someone else to take care of him. He needs someone else to make decisions for him. He needs someone else to take responsibility for and control of his body. It's all too much for him. He shot up to six feet in a blistering hot, painful flash, and it's so much, sometimes, that he can hardly function.

He's so weak.

And that's the most embarrassment he gets concerning those random, helpless erections these days--hypnotized as he is. It's so fucking mortifying when he has to pull a pillow into his lap and clear his throat to get Bucky's attention, flicking his eyes down into his own lap when he has Bucky's attention, indicating his rogue dick that he needs help with to calm down. When he needs to excuse himself to the bathroom to readjust himself, pulling his dick up to conceal it in his beltline, but really not planning on doing that and instead just brushing past Bucky so he knows what's going on with him, whimpering softly for help. When, sometimes, he just has to fucking walk straight up to Bucky and ask, quietly or outright, for him to just say that fucking word so he can have some relief from his own body with a mind of its own. He needs to be reined in.

Please.

Okay, back to the evilness now, lol. We're bored of such niceness, so let's get down to business.

The setting is a conference room, one of the many in the Tower, and it can go one of two ways between them. Either way, there's an invisible push-pull that would horrify their coworkers if they knew what "boring" "elderly" activities their two resident "granpas" were getting up to on and off the job.

One) If Bucky isn't feeling totally drunk on power, relishing in the erotic knowledge of just how implicitly Steve trusts him, giving himself over to him, but still wanting to play, then he'll text that little word to Steve when he's sitting down. And, naturally, Steve will choke. He'll fumble to grab his coffee cup to cover it, and if he's especially not expecting the suddenness of Bucky's text popping up as a push notification (that he'll pretend again and again to not understand to turn on, inept at technology at his advanced age, just because he likes knowing when his man needs him) that will have him spilling hot coffee all. over. himself.

Spilling.

Spilling and making a mess all over himself. Wet and hot and sticky. Fucking up the outside and inside of his uniform. The dark navy kevlar covering his crotch now stained and the jockstrap and athletic cup beneath just as soaked.

God.

There is no time to prepare for the sudden influx of pleasure, making it all the more devasting. He's has no time to duck and cover. He's hit like a sitting fucking duck. Oblivious.

Badly wanting to curl up into a ball around the pumping, gut-deep waves of pleasure rolling through him but, instead, Steve can only allow himself to clench his jaw and groan with "frustration." If he's lucky, he'll be able to play his reaction off as being startled by a noise a few doors away that only his enhanced hearing can pick up. If he's unlucky, he'll have no excuse and barely avoid wearing his bliss all over his face, biting his lip, eyes rolling back into his skull, riding out the sudden orgasm in front of everyone he works with on the daily. Bucky just an innocent bystander to it all.

Fuck.

Steve wants to dig his fingers into the conference room chair until the leather cracks apart, giving him something to hold onto while grinding up against the harsh, unforgiving material of his athletic cup. He wants to gasp through his gritted teeth.

He can't.

Two) If Bucky is feeling totally drunk on power, though, or if he's trying to make a point after Steve was a disobedient boy or an obstinate fuck during a mission, taking unnecessary risks, oh boy, then, chances are he'll lie in wait. Unbeknowst to Steve, Bucky has an attack planned. He's ready to launch whenever he sees fit. He just has to stretch it out a little longer. A little more. Just a tiny bit more until...

Steve is standing at attention in the center of the room, all eyes on him, as he crafts some booming-voice speech, using that Captain America, alpha-male voice he has to get a point across or boost morale about a grim situation. And, exactly then, that's when Bucky will let Steve in on his little plan.

This plan doesn't involve a sudden, involuntary orgasm to bring him to his knees in front of everyone with a sweet, pathetic little moan. Nah. This time, Bucky wants to drag... the... experience... out...

Bucky can't be too easy on him, now can he? His boy does well with rules and expectations and reward and punishment. Bucky is simply helping him be is best. Mouthing the word to him from the other side of the meeting, looming in the back of the crowd, locking eyes with Steve and filling himself with the dirty, hot knowledge that Steve is filling out his uniform a little snugger now.

Bucky wants him hard while he does this.

He's smart enough, he can think while his dick rises in his stars and stripes uniform. He doesn't need all of that big brain to make one little speech. Right?

Steve trips a little over his tongue.

Oops.

Quickly guiding himself back on track, Bucky watches Steve start to blush under his heavy gaze. Pretty pale skin pickening with... passion. A certain type of passion.

Bucky knows while Steve's mouth runs speedy laps, his mind is reeling just as fast, maybe faster. There's no doubt that he's desperately trying to read Bucky's purposefully disinterested expression. Are you just gonna have me hard like this? Or are you gonna take it further? Will you make me cum like this? In front of everyone? Really, Buck? What's the plan? Is that the plan? What're you gonna do to me? How good, how bad am I about to feel? I know I can't do anything about it, but what am I supposed to do to play along right now? What can I do? What do you want?

Bucky let's him spin his wheels, keeping him hard, getting him harder, repeatedly mouthing the word whenever Steve's eyes dart back to him, finding him in the crowd.

He has no intention, this time, to make him cum like this. He just wants Steve on edge, knowing he could make him. If he wanted to.

Bucky wants the anticipation to build like a storm on the horizon. Just wait until the lightning strikes Steve.

Oof, it's gonna be fucking good.

Working Steve up until he's blushing to the tips of his ears, biting his lip, and slipping once they're alone again--thinking, silly boy, that he can use that Captain America tone with Bucky and get what he wants. He can't. He won't. He gets what Bucky gives him and nothing less. Nothing more.

That's what he's for.

He's Bucky's.

He's Bucky's perfect toy. A doll. Something to use. Something to be ordered around, the weight of the world taken off his shoulders so he can be simple and air-headed for once in his fucking life, feeling nothing but pleasure, spoon-fed to him.

And speaking of mouthing words, texting, or other ways than just speaking the words to make Steve go soft, get hard, or cum...

They go further and get real inventive with it.

Like, okay, how else can they push it? How can Bucky specifically push it because, let's be real, Steve isn't doing any of the fucking thinking here.

So, Bucky makes the decision and he begins to put effort into learning some sign language. Just some basic things including learning what the commands they've trained Steve are, then teaching Steve the commands, too, so he can keep their loooong rides back from missions in the middle of fucking nowhere on the quinjet interesting.

Bucky will start tapping his toes, jiggling his leg as if he's impatient and not a trained fucking sniper, to call Steve's attention to them without the others noticing. It's not especially tricky with them all tired out and slowly nodding off to sleep, but the thrill is still alive within them--scratching that deviant fucking itch both Steve and Bucky have.

With Steve's eyes on his legs, Bucky will sllllowly, casually rub his hand up and down his thigh, pulling Steve's gaze from his foot against the floor to his upper leg where he can covertly curl his hand into shapes with obscene meanings.

Hard, Bucky will sign.

And Steve will get hard. Perfect. Just like that. He doesn't have to think, his body simply does. If Steve does dare to think, it's wishful thinking at best, there's nothing he can do to stop his body. He is a dog salivating at the sound of bell, no intelligence to make him stop and wonder why he's slobbering when there is no food in sight. He is all instinct with Bucky--primal instinct.

Hard, Bucky motions again.

And Steve will grow harder, smothering a whimper down in his chest. They've been on mission for over 72 fucking hours with no time to blow off any steam. So, Steve's serum hot, thick blood is all too eager to rush into his cock, fattening it up so quickly he's left in a daze. Light-headed, eyelids drooping, getting dumb.

Hard.

Steve's pulse pounds through his very fucking hard dick. If Bucky tells him again, he feels as though his cock will burst through the seams of his uniform. It's so tight.

The jockstrap he's wearing beneath his suit must be disgusting with sweat from the monsoon of fighting and the drought of showers, but that's not his biggest problem with it suddenly. Rather, he's too focused on how restricting his underwear is, not how dirty it is. How dirty he is. Dirty because of Bucky. Bucky is doing this to him. Bucky makes him want to rip his hair out at the same time that he makes him want to moan until his throat is raw and hoarse.

Steve's cup is no better than his jock, it's digging into him.

Oh. my. fucking. god.

He needs out of his clothes.

Goddd.

He needs to crawl to Bucky and whine at his feet, staring up at him through heavy lashes with big, watery eyes, begging with a clumsy, blubbering tongue until Bucky gets him out of his clothes. They're too tight! The pressure rising inside him is so much. It's hot, sweltering even, and it's unbearable. It'd be so much fucking easier to take each subsequent hard if Bucky would let him out of his clothes.

Steve would do anything to get it! He would!!

He'd crawl back to his seat and just sit here if Bucky stripped him. He would! He would sit and endure through a hundred more signs of hard if he weren't chokingly trapped. He would crawl and squirm and writhe across the floor of the quinjet with his cock hanging so heavily beneath his clenching tummy, if only Bucky would release him from the prison of bullet and fire and knife and everything proof material he's chokingly swathed in.

Please.

There is no relief, though. Just again: hard.

Every fucking sign--hard, hard, hard--Steve's body obeys like its the first. Despite the fact that the word has been used so much now that the meaning has thinned into nothing, it's the same pent-up rush each time. It's white-hot heat crackling down his spine from his tingling scalp to the deepest pit of his belly, tugging on him like a rope, knotting him tighter, tighter, tighter as his body clicks into its arousal like a switch has been flicked.

A switch flipped, or, maybe a trigger pulled 'cause Steve feels ready to combust. How in the fuck is he supposed to make it all the way back to the tower?

He can't.

He'll shatter, he'll burst into flames, he'll wail so loud he'll wake everyone up.

He can't.

Bucky is terrible.

Steve loves it. He doesn't spend a moment of the flight replaying a single second of their mission, over-analyzing every move he made, torturing himself by telling himself everything was a mistake and he could've saved one more person had he done that instead of this. Rather than killing himself over the guilt, ripping his own big, big heart to shreds, he agonizes over pleasure.

Eye-rolling, toe-curling, teeth-gritting pleasure that rises to such an overwhelming flood that just as he's sure he's about to cum despite his only command being hard--the pleasure is just that pressurized and rich it's going to combust--Bucky perfectly, calmly signs soft.

And Steve is soft.

He doubles over as much as he can, strapped into his quinjet seat. He can taste his peak, that's how fucking close he was to tipping over the cliffs edge. It's spread across his tongue and dripping down his throat, snatched away just before he was able to swallow and take it into his belly. Steve squeezes his eyes shut to keep the tears from coming, whining underneath the roar of the engines as they start to land, and he's hit with, all at once, acceptance.

He should want to bitch and moan and plead for a different outcome, but he doesn't. This is how it is. This is what Bucky is giving him. This is what he'll take.

This is submission.

This is what he wants--what he needs more than anything.

[savindeku]

as a long time bnha fan, had to drop some thoughts i’ve been having about the manga ending! i’ve held this series near and dear to my heart, through the moments when i felt it was great story telling and when i felt so much was missing, or didn’t quite hit the mark. so i definitely don’t think bnha (or hori) is above critique, i love to yap about this series ((:

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES BUT OF COURSE PARTICULARLY FOR CHAP 430

to me, there’s three main parts to the ending that i felt make sense:

izuku giving up OFA

izuku becoming a teacher

izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero

going into depth on each of these, while i love the inclusion of these three pieces, i can understand why the actual execution didn’t land with folks. even i have my qualms! okay let’s get into it! ps. this is really me just yapping away from the heart so bare with it 🫰🏽

1) izuku giving up OFA:

I think this one should not come as too much of a surprise, given that the reveal of OFA essentially being the cause of the early demises of the previous holders sort of insinuated an uncontrollable aspect to the power. even though izuku has an advantage as someone who was quirkless, it still creates a sense of foreshadowing that this is a gift that might have an expiration date. of course, a part of me would have loved for him not to have given it up but there’s enough build up there that it doesn’t feel out of left field. in addition to the running theme in the series being that anyone can be a hero/a quirk doesn’t make a hero, there’s certainly some symbolism in izuku now affectively being without, making him a quirkless hero - what he had dreamed of since the first chapter.

2) izuku becoming a teacher:

personally, i really love this for him! as a consumer of many a fanfic, i have grown obsessed with this job alternative for him, since it allows him to continue to work in the hero field, he can inspire the next generation to save to win (that as long as you willing to extend that helping hand, that’s what being a real hero is), his analytic mind is doing important work, and can use his own experience to help others learn! “deku sensei” makes my heart so happy and if anything, i would’ve loved an extra chapter just to see him as a teacher. one thing ill add here is, i can understand some disappointment with this or frustration at hori because to some, it may seem izuku ended up becoming complacent and didn’t at least try to continue to pursue his dream of being a hero after the war. not sure where i fall on this, but food for thought.

3) izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero (sorry this is gonna be long lol):

now to really get into the big reveal for this final chapter - a tech suit designed just for izuku (at the main request of a one katsuki bakugou, which yeah i Will Be Totally Normal About) so he can still be on the field as a pro-hero!! okay i also loved this, i won’t deny it as much as im on the deku sensei train! bnha is a series that is never going to please everyone and its ripe with many issues throughout but i do think this was a beautiful way to wrap it up. once again, from chapter 1, we are met with izuku who wants nothing more to be a hero despite being quirkless. i never really liked the argument of “well why didn’t he try harder or train up” when the series explains to us over and over again that this is a society that values quirks above all else. its a literal systemic issue (hitting close to home but i digress), where izuku would NEVER have been accepted as a quirkless hero no matter how hard he worked because it simply isn’t designed to allow that (also where the fuck would he have gotten the resources for that is beyond me lmao).

to me, this part was actually very important for bringing the story to a full circle in which we actually (somewhat, but arguable not completely) address the core issue and theme “people are not born equal”. instead of perpetuating a “pull yourself up by your boot straps” mindset, hori tells a story where we acknowledge the system and how it is working as intended - and that’s the very reason it needed dismantling. of course, i think along the way, we maybe lost the plot at times (thinking about how we didn’t fully address izuku’s martyrdom mindset, children get sent off to war multiple times, most of the villains being k*lled off rather than being saved as izuku wanted) but there’s much evidence of this. knowing that there was still the spirit of a hero in izuku - which is MADE SO CLEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HAVING A QUIRK - and he now has the chance to continue onward, quirkless. i mean c’mon, it’s really something (to me at least).

bonus note time

here’s a sprinkle of random lingering thoughts. one critique i saw was that it felt strange for izuku to accept he couldn’t be a pro-hero until his friends (ehm mainly Katsuki teehee) gifted him the suit. as if he really just gave up and this sort of hurts any character development for izuku. while i see the thought process here and would’ve also welcomed izuku getting the suit designed himself, it doesn’t upset me quite as much that this is how it actually played out. it’s definitely conflicting feelings for me because ultimately i would’ve loved for izuku to have had an arc where it was more explicitly stated that he overcame his overly sacrificial tendencies - or that the story spent time sitting with the trauma inflicted on the children fighting a war. but here is where bnha slacks off (imo) - we don’t get that breath to explore or analyze or genuinely know izuku’s thoughts or feelings on the matter (beyond that he’s sad that shigaraki died, enjoys being a teacher, and can admit that he misses his quirk). so in this way, it makes sense why hori chose this path. it’s more about his friends extending their hand to him, an offering of never leaving anyone behind who is a hero, quirk or not. i think of it as something more symbolic than it having to say anything about izuku’s character. i think for that to be addressed, there’s so many things further back we would need to unravel too lol

lastly - bnha is also a story about disabilities!! there’s been a decent amount of analysis on this so i won’t say much but i think this is also good to keep in mind. it helps for understanding the metaphor in place - quirks can be disabling and rather than creating a world that is accessible to all, the world requires that you figure it out instead. “people are not born equal” what if we dared to dream of a world that understood “we each take shape differently…” so that we might want to care for one another. so we can build something that makes the space for all of us to be able to live and thrive.

okay so that’s what i’m feeling now! like i said, i really love bnha and i simply can’t bring myself to say i hated the ending or anything. it’s a series that will always have a special place in my heart! there’s are just thoughts rattling in my brain and how ive interpreted things as someone whose read the manga the last 5 years! it’s crazy to look back and remember key moments that shook the fandom to its core. anyway, if you read all of this, thanks!! :D

[nugsanart09-works]

SAGAU that is just that: Self-Aware AU

just what it says in the tin. no cults, no yandere, just plain old ddlc minus the damned romance aspect. (Monika, i love you but i have had enough of the romantic shit)

warning: i am basing this on my character roster and shenanigans. you can play around with the idea but yeah, my content is based on my account if anything. also, novaverse lore because screw it imma inject my own spin in this thing

there are hierarchies on this thing:

GALAXIES = other media

NEXUS = Genshin Impact/Hoyoverse

NEBULAE = leakers/content creators/playthrough folks

(SUPER)NOVA = the player (me and you); referencing the big bang even though it means that I fucked up the symbolism tier for this lol; can be the SI-OC/Reader/"Creator"

AURORAE = the Creator's mouthpiece/interactive HUD; kinda like Paimon in-game and not lorewise

SUNSHINE = the ones in the nova's character roster a.k.a. the ones that came home

EARTHSHINE = the characters who have the potential to "become aware" a.k.a. stubborn fucks who refuses to come home smh; if the sunshines try to tell the earthshines about the situation, the earthshines would not hear them or understand it one bit

*note that op is not the smartest when it comes to cosmology but pls ignore that for the sake of

✨ fancy titles ✨

the first ones to gain awareness are Traveler and Paimon.

they were the first ones you gain as playable characters so they deserve that much, esp if they have to deal with your shenanigans as their nova

the next one to realize smth is up would be Amber

the sagau that i know of tends to start off with Kaeya a lot but i fully believe my girl Amber should be the first teyvatan aware for the amount of times her baron bunny saved my ass

when you, her nova, gained control over her, she gained access to some perks such as:

conditional immortality — when left alone by the nova/not in the current party, she can now just. not die. permanently that is. unless the nexus decides that she will be out of the narrative, she just cannot die and will constantly respawn. if the nova is logged in and she didn’t heal herself, her hp will be in the red zone lmao

disabled friendly fire — a sunshine attacks another person whether they are a fellow sunshine or not, the attacks will just go through them without harm. enemy mobs, specific plant life and the likes are the only ones capable of getting damaged

access to the inventory – anything the nova has attained, they can take and use. good luck with your hoarding because your food are definitely gonna decrease by a LOT once you log back in

private chatroom — just so they don't go insane, sunshines can gossip and pass news to one another on how things are going on their end. they speak of how far the nova (not traveler) is with their journey, and maybe just be a support group since i subjected them through a lot of bs

time loop — ...yeah. so long as you (the player) haven't progress in the given storyline in-game, you essentially trap them in an localized time loop. characters will end up "blinking" back to where they are initially if [1] the nova logged in, or [2] traveler, piloted guided by the nova, is in the area and the playable character is included in the quest the nova stumbled upon

spectators to the music — whatever bgm you have whether you have the in-game music on or are using a custom playlist, the ones in your current party (along with the parties beside the current one if you're toggling and choosing between the groups) will hear it. jean and tighnari are definitely disappointed in me for playing unholy while yaoyao is in my active team that one time w h o o p s

gained written and verbal language — whatever language you have downloaded in the game is now something the sunshines are proficient with.

for example: i have both english and korean voice packs downloaded so therefore they can speak both now. i only have english for my text. if i end up doing the typical isekai bs in the sagau community with my kr voice pack activated, the only way i can communicate with them is through writing back and forth in english lmao. if they manage to communicate with me in the self-aware Monika way then once they start speaking i am screwed since i don't speak korean :') – i don't see them speaking in textbox since [1] my speed reading sucks ass and [2] do you want your screen to be filled with text? do you?

depending on who you obtain next, they're the ones next in line with the madness. good thing they have the sunshine trio to help them out with this now. hallelujah Amber 🙏

that's it for now since this is enough of an info dump alr + this is the basic stuff you need to know for now. the rest of these will be just me and the shenanigans i subjected my playable characters through. that or someone's requests idk. hope you enjoyed this thing

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heya!

Can I ask how many chapters there are of jealousy jealousy? I feel like it’s a nice, short, concise story.

Also, I forgot her name but H, Beomgyu’s girlfriend, probably has her own struggles and insecurities being a stereotypical ‘hot girl’ in modern day and a girl in general. I know no girl in her position would be stupid enough to believe Beomgyu had any genuine love towards her, regardless of him liking MC, he clearly just wanted to fuck and it’s fine if that’s all she wants too.

I feel like H is misunderstood. She may not be a huge girls girl but maybe she has mommy issues yk?

I know you may not have put that much detail in her character but as a girls girl, I would never hate her for her relationship with Beomgyu because it takes two to tango. Even tho she may be a bitch for no reason it’s not her fault that Beomgyu isn’t pushing her away. Hell, if I had the opportunity I would go for Beomgyu regardless of MC.

MC is also probably subconsciously passive aggressive because she loves Beomgyu so much and because she’s so hurt.

So I don’t think you’ve really set the feminist movement backwards, you’ve shown this imperfect, authentic ‘hot girl’ who either just wants to fuck (all power to her) or has no sense of self worth and falls into a clearly one sided relationship. She shows that although you may look put together and sure of yourself, there might be more than meets the eye whether that’s having a super crazy high sex drive (which society deems shameful) or being in an toxic relationship.

Idk…I might be wrong, just food for thought <3

But the thing is she's not misunderstood. She really is a bitch 😂 but I can't talk more about this until the fic is over so as not to spoil anything.

I don't mean that I wrote her to be hated because of beomgyu but just wrote her as a bitch generally lmao. But I guess there are genuinely really shitty people out there and I've written really shitty male characters but it's just the one-dimensionality and us vs her aspect than annoys me at myself. I appreciate you looking deeper into it to make it meaningful but I gotta admit it was lazy writing on my part because it helps the story move along. If I gave her more depth then it would complicate a very simple story and would make oc and gyu out to be bigger assholes than they already are lmao

Anyway there are two chapters left

[nrcnewspaperclub]

The day we’ve all been waiting for. Day seven of getting banned from every dorm

So Kalim is. Too nice. Far too nice for his own good. There is no fucking way that I am going to get banned from him

Also, I’ve been staying at Scarabia for a bit now since I got kicked out of Ignihyde already, One of my good friends is in Scarabia so I’ve been staying at his dorm, also I figured I’d consult him cuz he knows the housewarden better than I do

However I am in the basketball club, which means I do actually know Jamil fairly well, I’d even go so far as to consider him a friend. Me, him, Floyd, and Ace cause some anarchy a good bit

So we already knew we were targeting Jamil. My friends immediate suggestion was utilizing Jamil’s fear of bugs, but that’s too uncreative, and I wasn’t sure if I could rlly get banned for that. However I did note it as a last resort

My friends second solution was lighting something on fire, but that’s kind of his solution to everything? That or just dying his hair impulsively

That train of thought gave me the idea to try and mess w Jamil’s hair cuz I know how protective he is of it, but friend shot that down cuz Jamil is too protective of it and it’d be way too fuckin hard to pull that off

So my final thought: kalim can’t get me banned, but I can still use kalim to my advantage.

This is where friend clocks out, context my friend is painfully in love with Kalim so I knew he wasn’t gonna assist me with anything that would taint Kalim’s view of him. To which I say, fuckin coward, but whatever 🙄 (ack then again I wouldn’t do anything that would skew malleus’s view of me so I MEAN WHAT WHAY DID I SAY TJAY I DONT LIKE AMLLEUS)

So a lot of ppl think Kalim is dumb, he isn’t dumb, I know that for sure. But he is gullible, and very impulsive. So what I’m saying is he isn’t stupid, buuuuuuut……….

Anyway one sunny afternoon I tracked down Kalim, he was doing Kalim things, and I started making friendly conversation w him. He asked why I was here in the first place, to which I told him I got banned from Ignihyde but made up a whole sob story so he wouldnt wuestion the fact I intentionally pissed off idia lmao

He felt all bad for me and said I was always welcome at Scarabia, then asked why I chose Scarabia. I said bcuz my friend is here and also casually mentioned the fact I’m not welcome in any dorms

Kalim looks surprised and is like “wow, it’s kind of impressive you managed to get banned from all of them.” And questions how I achieved such glory

To which I tell him a short and abridged version of each tale that makes me sound better than I actually am and he’s in awe the whole time. He then starts rambling and is like “it’d be hard to get banned from Scarabia, I’ve never banned anyone, but Jamil has…” and I perked up and asked what the person did to get banned by Jamil

He said that Jamil had banned this person cuz they’d tried to poison Kalim’s food. Appearantly it was like a student plant all along or some blah blah shit, obviously I wasn’t gonna do that bcuz I’m not a fucking lunatic and I like kalim enough

I had the passing thought I could make Jamil think I was tryna poison kalim when I wasn’t but thatd also break Kalim’s trust in me and probably my whole friendship with the friend I’ve been staying with atp so

I was so out of ideas at this point I started reverting back to my friends suggestion of lighting something on fire, but then I had an idea.

The treasure room. I have the perfect signature spell for this, and I have genuinely no clue how this was not my immediate thought

So when Kalim was done rambling I made a comment abt how it was a really great day to go carpet flying, and tjat id ever been on a carpet before. Both statements here are true

And Kalim will famously take any excuse to go carpet flying so if you even mention it in passing he’ll over to take you so he immediately lit up

He leads me to the treasure room and the carpet apparently isn’t where he left it cuz he started digging around for it. Perfect opportunity for my plan!

My ultimate magic is called Hydra Heads, it allows me to make copies of one item, how ever the more copies I make the smaller they get. The original item gets shrunk down too, but it’ll be more durable than the other copies. This is irreversible. So as Kalim was head first in gold coins looking for that fuckass carpet I found a fairly sizeable vase, one thatd someone would notice if it was gone.

I immediately activated my spell, making about 30-ish tiny copies of this vase. I stuffed em all in my bag and acted like nothing happened

Obviously I still went on the carpet because DUH but now my friend is pissed at me cuz I went carpet flying with his crush or some fucking shit idk I tuned him out

Now begin the scheme

I was sitting in the lounge when Jamil stepped into the treasure room and quickly ran out and ran into Kalim’s room. He noticeeeeed anyway I started my paper trail, I placed a tiny vase in the hallway and one in the kitchen, then I tried to look as unassuming as possible

Jamil picked up one of the tiny vases and looked so fuckign confused it was PRICELESS. A few hours oater came basketball practice, id been leaving tiny vases around Scarabia throughout the day.

Anyway I’m at basketball and Jamil is yelling at Floyd because he’s Floyd and he probably did some shit, I took this opportunity to put a tiny vase in Jamil’s bag, as well as a few in the locker room.

I left practice early, telling the coach that my housewarden needed me for something, and Jamil STORMED out of the locker room as I was leaving and grabbed me by the jersey.

I realized he’d remembered my unique magic cuz of that one time me and Floyd pranked the team by using it on like half the basketballs. Jamil went on a whole borderline unhinged rant about how he’d so kindly let me stay at his dorm and I stole from him and had the audacity to taunt him with it, I gave him the remaining tiny vases and ran off

Did I technically actually commit a crime with this one? Yes! Do I feel bad? Nope!

So uh. Where the fuck do I go now.

-🐾

// should I make a blog for paw anon 👀

congratulations on getting banned from all seven dorms, 🐾. Your journey has been a wild ride.

hold on, what about Ramshackle? Not to get banned from there (unless you want to ig) but you could probably stay there.

//yes, absolutely.//

[klonoadreams]

How law initially sees mako

When he reunites with her 10+ years later and discovers feels.

Like I’m a 100% certain law ain’t no virgin but when it’s comes to having an actual romantic relationship with someone especially if that someone is up until now I just realized is a woman who I’m actually attracted to in a romantic way. Yeah he’s hopeless.

The good news is she kinda oblivious or a really good actress.

I tend to headcanon most of the D. characters as ace (Ace especially), but like Law looks like the type to have "fuck it, I might as well" and then go "that was a waste of time" while he was with his crew. (Luffy and Ace are too aro/ace spec to even be curious, though in Ace's case, he's more "I knew I forgot to do something!! Oh well, more food for me")

And then Mako feels hit him like a train and he's exactly the embodiment of that gif. Like "wtf wtf wtf"

My dude experiencing actual attraction for the first time like TURN OFF THESE FEELINGS

His crew will never let him live it down.

Meanwhile Mako just figured out that "you can do anything you want forever" with gender, so she's all "ayo 👀 "

(meeting Bentham Bon Kurei in person awakened something in Mako that day...woman isn't wrong, but if you want specifics, she has nothing to say, just moves her hand left to right like ehhhhh - just don't call her a boy outside of comedic moments like DAD OF BOY KRATOS "BOY")

She may have been created before I had my own gender discovery, but she is not exempt from nonbiney shenanigans. Which is also not helping Law and might've kickstarted the feelings as a whole cuz like men and women? Lmao, not interested.

Woman who is Mako?? Uh oh. Mako in general??

He's fucked. GG. Game over, man.

Meanwhile Mako is just "what are feelings?" And gets curbstomped post whole cake island like "ROBIN, HELP, MY HEART IS ACTING UP!!"

Years without actually crushing on someone and boom, it's over.

Fun fact: Mako was in the womb for like 13 ish months before she was born, and due to the stress her Mama went through, she was almost a premie.

As a result, mentally, she is a lot older than she physically is, and that's ignoring the reincarnation situation. Similarly, Ace who was in the womb for 20 months is also a lot more older mentally. Which creates a fucky situation between body and mind for a good chunk of your life, so these two are in the same boat of "Mama let us cook too long for our own good"

So yeah, that's why Mako is a little shit out of boredom. :V

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Hi! It's the anon from earlier (the one mentioning the long post) and yeah, if people would research before they wrote about cultures they don't know about, it would be great. Like I have an essay/rant about how Indian characters in Western media these days are practically written as either stereotypes, background characters which is fine except you could replace them with a white character and nothing would change, or something quite obvious was done wrong and it is seen as great diversity. And fandom is almost worse because even if the media got it right, the fandom does not. (Ahem the whole thing with Pavitr and hair oil and no he does not put it in his hair right before he leaves for school, not with that hair style)

Anyways, my one positive thing, I don't know if you have Netflix, but if you do, you should totally watch the Unlisted. Great, Brilliant Indian characters, the food, the plot and I just love it so much. I showed it to my family and they adored it too, and it's so difficult to find a Western show where it feels like a normal show vs being overly done, and The Unlisted for sure is one of them.

Hello again!!! Speak the truth, the more people know just how skewed Indian characterisation is the more chances people will actually pause and factually check their stuff. And nowadays, especially for fandom it's so easy to get a sensitivity reader, practically everyone is of a different background, so people can find someone have them have a read through to see if anything is odd or based on misinformation. I constantly ask my friends stuff that's hyper specific on their background (for others that don't know I'm South Indian, yet I ask my North Indian friend for Hindi slang to use in my own fics lmao)

(Also good god not that putting-coconut-oil-before-school fiasco T-T if anything, people only had to change ONE thing about that statement and it would have been alright: coconut oil in the hair, AND THEN SHAMPOO BEFORE SCHOOL... it's what I do at least, and it works fine)

(also you're so right Pavitr would have been beaten up and left to fry outside by the teachers for that hairstyle... we'll just say mumbattan is more progressive about students expressing themselves...)

wait HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE WATCHED THE UNLISTED. OH MY GOD. I HAVE NOT HEARD OF THAT IN YEARS. I watched it when it first aired and oh my GOD my brother and I went crazy over it because WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A SHOW ABOUT MODERN DESI KIDS IN FUCKING SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA??

A SHOW ABOUT INDIAN KIDS?? SET IN /MY/ HOME TOWN??? the chances are low but never zero, let's fucking goooo

(Believe it or not I have not watched the finale episode lmao,, I think it's high time for a rewatch)

📢WATCH 'THE UNLISTED'... WATCH IT NOW !!!!!

[lemonhemlock]

https://at.tumblr.com/lemonhemlock/no-because-hp-is-so-good-like-the-whole-idea-of/7btiy3hmut65

Omg yes! The whole thing with poor wizard families is so weird cuz like they have magic? Just use some spells and fix shit?? Lmao. Wizarding society doesn't even need any jobs! Spells and potions can do anything for them!! There also the thing that hogwarts isnt the only magical school there are more out there! The universe oh hp is just so vast and there so much that can be done with it!

I actually would love to hear ur thoughts on it! Specially on the rl connection it makes and on Voldemort and his death eaters!

so voldermort is SUCH an awful antagonist and my main gripe with him is that he isn't hot. yes, this is going somewhere.

voldemort's entire thing is that he is terrified of dying so he will do anything in order to avoid that. the horcruxes i thought were actually a really cool idea with a lot of fucky symbolism - breaking your own soul into pieces and stashing them away so as to ensure your immortality? pretty metal. especially since it's implied you have to perform a murder beforehand. neat!

but, at the same time, what exactly is voldemort's quality of life? why does he want to live forever? he starts off as a handsome boy and gets slowly turned into an egghead with no nose! he's played by ralph fiennes and he is not hot, i cannot stress that enough. wizards tend to live very long lives as is, remember that dumbledore died at 150 or so! voldemort dies the second time at 70, after dying the first time at about 50?? come on. so he's fugly as hell, he doesn't want to have fun or fuck bitches or eat good food or live like a king or watch an endless amount of soap operas. he just wants to live a noseless existence?? what a joke. had he not meddled with anything, he could have lived well past dumbledore's age, because he, too, had a few more good years left in him, but he wastes himself away with the horcruxes. and doesn't even use them properly? he is vanquished from his body once by baby harry, but why does it take until book 1 for him to become corporeal again? isn't that a pretty shit immortality system?

his political goals don't make a whole lot of sense either. ok, he wants to rule over muggles bc wizards are so very superior. cool. but how is that feasible? there are a lot more muggles than wizards and they have all kinds of weapons, including fucked up shit like carpet bombing and drones and WMDs. i don't really see how wizards would stand a chance in an all-out war. also, jk really sells him out short. bc she is so very british-centric in her view, she doesn't consider the international implications of this (lol). say britain got conquered by weird-ass people who can perform magic spells. are the european union (hail pre-brexit times) and the US just gonna sit on their arses while this happens? are the rest of the wizards in other countries just gonna stand by? please be serious.

she should have somehow turned this into a world-wide rebellion happening at the same time if she wanted any kind of chance of it working. but that would have been way more dystopian when she really was afraid of veering the books too much into adult fiction. sucks to suck, i suppose. this is why we're in this fandom today.

also. voldemort and his cronies are still very much just a minority within the british wizarding society. how do they not get their arses handed back to them by sheer difference in numbers? everything is on easy mode with these guys, just because they're not afraid to use unforgivable curses.

this needs to be said as well but MARKING your loyal followers who are supposed to stay SUPER SECRET to not risk imprisonment with a very visible snake tattoo is so.... it's a choice, i'll tell you that.

[chiyoso]

hiraeth! how are you doing today?

got a 59, 35, 42. 56 and 57 for your ask game.

it's a lot BUT I AM I N T R I G U E D

hehe! hey pretty <3 feel free to ask more, because i love intrigued people 🤭

35) favorite subject

i've ALWAYS, always had an affinity for music no matter what. i realized it late though, but because of my mom's wants of me being good at music in general, i developed a natural talent for teaching violin/piano in my own way that amazes her.

e.g. i helped a clearly struggling student of hers, and it was the day of the performance + we only had 1-2 hours of practice left, a piano student, she was having a hard time with counting the beats, and being on beat, having trouble with pacing as well, which i picked up almost immediately, and my mom was busy making preparations so she couldn't help. but i stood up and decided to because i just- idk? i really just wanted to help!

and i wasn't aware that this certain action of mine would lead to a successful performance, with a damn headmistress of a school offering me a free college scholarship because of my own performance + my sudden deeds

bam. (i think i overshared and retold my story about the free college scholarship lmao)

more info under cut! ❤︎

42) favorite books

hrm, i don't have a lot of books to read in this time now BUT

my favorite books growing up was diary of a wimpy kid (i swear i was so addicted to it, and i finished all books of it, PLUS THE MOVIE??? RODRICK??? OMG)

those fairy books i forgot the names but i think the titles were literal names of the fairies? idfk

bridgerton (cough) i'm a sucker for this genre

i can't think of anything else since i dont read much anymore, but i want to say that my favorite genres are; fantasy, romance, dark mature content (no, not 50 shades of grey) smut duh, sci-fi and i think thats pretty much it!

need recommendations... i wanna read some books where we flirt with some shadowy, dark eldritch horror or even the grim reaper himself (im so fucked omg)

56) favorite food

ITALIAN FOOD BABY, but i've been growing fond of uhh... chicken liver. i'm also really open to trying lots of things

ranking: most favorite

1. italian cuisine

2. fried japanese foods

3. korean cheese tteokbokki and tteokkochi

4. tbh convenience stores go hard too for my broke ass

5. philippines food

pizza reigns supreme.

...along with fries dipped in ice cream.

57) favorite animal

cats. any cat. (except for the furless ones im sorry)

cats remind me of scaramouche, lyney, neuvillette, blade and jing yuan so much, i wanna have a black cat along with a white one with gold eyes.

59) why i joined tumblr

now this... hrm

i genuinely forgot why i suddenly downloaded the app... shit.

dammit, i forgot. fuck. i just know i joined when me and my ex were at an all time low and the verge of breaking up.

i remember why i stayed and decided to write myself, i got inspired, heavily inspired and horny from the star rail fics i kept encountering, like my sexual drive just went through the roofs because of this certain welt yang x stellaron hunter blowjob fic, and some aspects of it, like welt and her not trying to get caught — my cynosure reader is inspired by that, doing lewd shit in secret.

and then i kept encountering fics, over and over. showering support to all which was so rejuvenating for my mental health, and then i encountered nat's al haitham fic, encountered you through my first story, and nat's mutual who guided me when i received anon little shits talking about my tagging lmao, yall were the three pillars that kickstarted my writing career genuinely

but if i can try harder to remember why i joined tumblr... i was uhhh, i was heavily depressed, dealing with my ex's shit, life, etc, and i was just mindlessly looking for something, anything, to give me energy, anything eventful for my overly draining situation.

that's all! ehe, ily aine <3

[tolerateit]

Put this down as the fastest this government has agreed on anything. It only took a day, and they agreed to change the laws to get off easy despite cancer patients dying from the shit they've been pulling. It's basically a two party system but both parties are two sides of the same coin, so they gotta protect each other at the expense of the rest of the country and its citizens.

Anyway, I'm so so so sick of this and all the other updates I've shared with you so I'm just gonna say it, this is MK. In a European shithole that's been trying to join the EU for like two decades now. Funny, right? The EU has laws and regulations and shit like this will (hopefully?) not fly. I think changing this law might be the last straw, so they can make the last necessary changes to the constitution next year after elections and we can finally join. Hundreds of thousands have been migrating away in the last decade because it's such a shithole. The moment we join, this place will pretty much empty out and honestly, it's what these politicians deserve. Not to have anyone even picking up their shit. Literally. Should hopefully happen in a few more years although at this rate, everyone might leave even before then.

TO THINK I used to dream about working in politics and diplomacy and fixing this country up! And pursuing world fucking peace?! You know what I had back then? The audacity lmao

I grew up and realized I don't wanna ass kiss any one of these rotten walnuts for brains to do anything in life, and I certainly don't want to take part in their various criminal activities (which are mandatory if you do join, and joining is mandatory to get pretty much any job here. Or even open up your own business, because they'll find a way to shut you down if you don't help them out in whatever way they see fit).

Like, can you even grasp that I only have digestive issues with the dairy products here, but I'm perfectly fine whenever I consume any of them outside of the country? I certainly can't, like what's the difference? what are they putting in it here that's making me ill? God knows what's in the rest of the food at this point.

I made a meme a few years ago, we had our own situation of a model on stage saying the country's name in a funny way like that girl did with France. I saved a screenshot of it and captioned it with the name and everything because it was funny. I've now been using it as a reaction pic on a daily basis. Any time anyone tells me anything negative, I'm like, you know what, yes that sucks, but you know what else? That's just how things are here and nothing and no one can change them, and then show them the meme. At least it gets a smile in any shitty situation.

I was wondering why it's this specific event that's triggered me so much and I found out after hearing the news about the law. My husband's been having health issues all year. It took over 30 doctors and exams and god knows what else just to get an official diagnosis. A bunch of devices for exams haven't been working for months, all across the country no less, so you gotta pay out of pocket at a private clinic that has a working one. All this because most of the good doctors have already left. And you also gotta pay out of pocket at those private clinics to talk to doctors now too, because if there are any good ones left, they're working there because it's less stressful and operates better post covid. And pays a bit more, but mostly it functions better. Thank god we've been able to afford it (freelance ftw!) There were three good ones in that process: the one that recommended the last one, an unrelated one that said your issues aren't from this organ, you can be 100% sure of that, and that last one that gave the diagnosis. And we know it's correct because I haven't seen a single complaint about that doctor on any forum. I don't think all the others we went to really even have brains, someone must have finished their schools for them given what they said and recommended. And I know that much with my degree in English. But imagine being so horrible that you literally let patients die so you can make more money?! When most of them are already poor so they resort to selling everything they own just for the chance to spend more time with their loved ones?! And you're already in one of the highest paid fields here?! On top of everything, people can't even speak up or out about it because corruption and politics run so deep they immediately threaten job loss for you and your family too. I wanna set this place on [redacted] and watch the aftermath calmly as they did to a makeshift covid hospital a couple of years ago. And I mean that literally. That's a whole other story where "no one is at fault" because they can play it that way.

God I hope this is the last time I send you one of these. But I already read some superficial reports earlier today of new fucked up issues being uncovered so I guess no dice. I hope someone protects the journalists, if this keeps going on they'll have it worse because evidence shows these politicians aren't above literal murder to get their way.

sorry for clogging up your ask box with all this, and as I always appreciate you for listening <3

you don't have to apologize at all, it is of course infuriating that these things continue to happen all across the world but it is so important that people stay angry about them! And talk about them!!! Health especially is such an important domain to navigate because it puts SO MANY lives at risk I hate that this is happening

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Aha I am not doing great rn long post ahead

I feel like ‘not great’ is an understatement lmao. Idk where even to begin.

I’m so exhausted all the time and unbelievably burnt out, but I can’t do anything about it because I have to keep going to work. And even if I could take a break or quit, would it even fix the problem? At this point I don’t know what it would take to feel okay again. I keep not being able to force myself to go to work and idk how much longer I’m gonna be able to keep a job before they fire me or I have to quit myself.

I’ve been trying to find a medication that actually does something for like two years now. I’m on the 6th combination and none of them have done a thing. At some point I’m gonna run out of stuff to try, and then what am I supposed to do? I’ve been basically banking my entire future on finding something that’ll make me be able to function.

My food issues are acting up because of the new house, my friends’ food choices do not blend well with me as well as them wanting to stick to a strict budget (which also annoys me because I’m the one earning the least in the house, why are they worrying about it.) I just end up not eating/eating very little instead of something they’ve made half the time, and eating way too many snacks.

I’m not sleeping enough because if I go to sleep it’ll be the next day and I’ll probably have to go to work, and night is the only time I can just relax and do my own stuff without worrying about anything else. I keep not showering for days in end because it’s just too much effort and makes me anxious, keep forgetting to do household stuff for the same reason and I feel like it’s only so long until my friends get sick of me.

I’ve been realising that I don’t really have many friends in the first place. I’ve barely talked to the person who I would have called my best friend for like months. She cancelled on an event we had planned for over a year the month before, as well as the past 2-3 times we’ve tried to meet up. I’d still consider her a friend, but to be honest we haven’t been best friends for at least a year. My partner is now my ex partner, we’ve talked once since we broke up and it ended extremely badly. He left our friends group chat today, he said he wanted to stay friends but I don’t know if that’s gonna happen. I have my housemates I guess, but even though I love them we really aren’t the same kind of people and I feel like they don’t understand anything about my life and who I am. We don’t really share any interests so I can’t talk to them about stuff I like.

Because of all that i feel so goddamn attention starved and just like desperate any kind of interaction. I’m a very clingy person but I don’t really know how to express it, which was fine when I had a partner to focus it all on but now there’s no one and all I want is to curl up with someone and take a nap. I just want a hug. I feel like this is being enhanced by my current fandom having fics that are literally exactly what I want. I like reading them because they’re so good but it fucking hurts because I know I’ll likely never get it.

I feel like I’m more myself online these days than in person. I don’t know if anyone in my offline life that actually knows who I am anymore. I just want someone to understand.

If you actually read this far then thanks I guess, I’ll be okay I promise.