#and also maybe the Poe one from last month?

[beauzos]

every time i read one of B&N's picks of the month they're sooo... profoundly Not Great. except for Your Utopia which was actually pretty good. Fairy Bargains was alright. i actually would read it again, i liked it but it could be so much better than it is, too. Book Eaters was one of the worst books i have ever read.

i'm reading The Last Animal now bcs paleontology! local author, too, and it's signed and i have a mammoth doodle in it!!!! and after 5 pages i got one of those mental flags that feels like a death knell for me. one of the quickest ways to determine whether a book is good or not, in my view, is if you think, at any point, "people don't talk like this" then that's usually a good indication that a book isn't very good KRKF

dialogue's goal is not realism. but if your dialogue is so stilted or unnatural that someone notices it, you fucked it up, basically.

i don't like the dialogue, i don't really like the characters, i don't even like the prose. the book is kind of... pretentious? strange? paced weird? i don't know. i'll finish it, though. i've read about 80 pages so far and i am really not feeling it, though.

[sophietv]

It's not about kaylor but I really want to know about the song all too well. Who is it about? I think Jake G was PR. And the lyrics doesn't fit the Taymily narrative either. This song and the relationship seems very important to her. It hurt her badly. I am asking you because you always make very informative and reliable post that makes sense and closest to the truth.

Also who is Dear John about? Is it really John Mayer? Her only straight relationship I believe in is Joe Jonas.

Hi!

Thank you sooo much for saying that! It means a lot. I really can't claim that my theories are always 1000% right, but I do make a lot of research before posting, and try to cross check everything.

2. I must admit that when you asked the question, I did not have real solid theories or evidence to give you. I was even bending toward telling you that the song might be about Lizz since the timestamp of the song on Spotiy is 5:27 = Lizz birthday.

3. Considering that Taylor wrote this during Speak Now Era and that Lizz was present during that Era, well it doesn't fit the narrative of the song being about a relationship that has ended some time ago. And also, it would have been really weird to write this song during rehearsal where Lizz was present, if it was about her...

But thanks to you! I did a lot of research to try and find evidences (I read all the timelines but I'm not that well verse in what came before Kaylor and Swiftgron).

I asked what my groupchat thought about this.

Re-read the Taymily Masterpost (X)

Read and watched Taymily interviews

And now! I can say with more confidence, that I'm pretty sure this song is about Emily Poe, her fiddle player that worked with her from 2006-2008.

Now. Here's the evidences:

First. As pointed out by my group chat, the song does not seem to fit Tayliz dynamic. It seems to be talking about a complicated relationship with someone older.

As by the lyrics "you said if we were closer in age, maybe it would have been fine"

So first thing I did is look back as to when it was written.

Here's a piece of interview I found:

Thanks to this post: (X)

We know that she wrote it during her reheasal in 2011.

Because here's when David Cook started working with her:

And here's the date of his first show in the Phillipines:

February 2011....

Then, I did a little digging on what was going on with Emily at the time:

And oh does it get interesting!!

Here's an Emily's interview I found (X)

And here's what she was doign in February 2011!!! (I'm excited of the evidence I've found, does it show lol) :

"Two thousand eleven was a big year for me. I became engaged in February, graduated law school in May, took the bar in July, and Eli and I were married in November.”

What did Taylor said?: "I was feeling terrible about what was going on in my personal life"

What if she just learned about Emily's engagement???

And to make it even more interesting. Here's a journal entry with the first lyrics of All Too Well:

Confirming that it was written in 2011.

This is inchteresting.

But it gets better!

Because, before last year, Emily's Pinterest was public. And on her wedding board, she did save a picture with a red scarf....

It's not Emily, it's just a picture that she had saved in her Pinterest. Thanks to Kate for giving me this!

But what if the red scarf was really just to tie the song to Jake???

Here's another interesting thing I've found in the Taymily timeline:

This letter is from the video she made to Emily when she left, with everyone having "I love you Emily" signs.

It says:

“Emily– I feel as if our relationship has been taken to the next level over the past few months and with much contemplation I decided I would bestow upon you one of my most prized possession: my flamingo bandana. This is a 3rd generation family heirloom and i suggest you frame it. I think it will look perfect in your apartment with the cat pillows. Enjoy”

Inchteresting....is the red scarf a bandana??

Also. We know that All Too Well was really significant for Taylor and that for a long time, she was not able to sing it without crying...

So it's about a relationship that had a big impact on her life.

Very recently. Like in June, Taylor performed the song Breathe as a surprise song and very clearly cried during that performance.

The next day, we learned that the day before the show, Emily did this post on Facebook:

Breathe was heavily rumored to be about Emily back when Fearless came out. But Colbie confirmed it with Fealess Taylor's Version in an interview when she said that it was about something that was going on with one of Taylor's band membre.

So yeah... this would make way more sense being about Emily and having Taylor be emotional singing it for a long time.

Than the song being about a relationship that lasted 3 months.

Of course I can't know for sure for all her relationships...

But most of them I believe was PR. Like the one she had with Jake.

Thanks for the question! It was really interesting doing all those research!

ADDITION!! : It just hit me but! The line "And you call me up again just to break me like a promise"

Fits perfectly with Emily calling her to tell her about the engagement! omg...

SECOND ADDITION: This morning when I woke up, I thought about two things that points to Emily!

1. Taylor turned 21 in 2010, 2 months before writing All Too Well.

"And you call me later and say sorry I didn't make it and I say I'm sorry too" from The Moment I Knew

to two months later:

"And you called me up again just to break me like a promise"

2. The night Taylor sang Breathe and looked devastated after Emily's Facebook post. She also sang All Too Well looking REALLY MAD.

People have all noted it.

Look: (X)

This solidifies even more that All Too Well is about Emily for me...

[nerdieforpedro]

Dinner with Plans for the Leftovers

Chapter 4 of "This is the Neighborhood Din"

Din Djarin (modern AU) x Sierra Harris (plus size ofc)

Word Count: about 2.5k

Warnings: Grogu is adorable,

Summary: Little G (Grogu is the cutest and also tells everyone's business. The four (Din, Sierra, Johnnie Mae and Grogu) all have dinner. Many things are discussed.

Notes: I'm making dividers and such now. 😆 I figured it out after four months. Johnnie Mae has likely been a menace her entire adult life.

Main Masterlist/ Din - The Mandalorian Masterlist/ This is the Neighborhood Din Series

The day passes by quickly. On Din’s side of things, he’s finished the day with his work crew. Poe brought Finn back late of course, but he normally did. Poe stayed for  a good bit of fun and laughs then after he left they were able to focus. Rey didn’t ask anymore about Sierra thankfully and they continued testing the alloy at different temperatures recording the data. Once they finished up notes, Din left to head home, Ms. Harris picked up Grogu after school, so he stopped by to check in. She hugged Din and then Grogu ran up to see his father. He was an hour early for dinner - it was supposed to be at six.

“Daddy! Did you have a good day at work? We’re reading this book by Oobi Wa Kenunbi. I think he might be like the man across the street. He visited Ms. Harris and was leaving when the bus dropped me off. He had something red in his hand.” Grogu informed his father as Din hugged him tight and thought about what his son was saying.

“Wait…man across the street? Who is that?” The only man across from Ms. Harris he knew of was that man with the crazy looking beard and that chartreuse looking liquid he drinks. Din knows it’s alcohol. His yard is a mess and so is that trailer. Maybe she was giving him a meal like she’d done with Din.

“His name is Mr. Skywalker. Isn’t that a funny name, Dad? Who walks on the sky? He sounds like he swallowed pebbles but is nice. He gave me this.” Grogu pulled out a small white plane, it looked like it had been painted over a few times and fixed in a few places. Din wondered why Luke would give his son something, especially something that appeared to have been used quite a bit.

“Did you tell him thank you Grogu?” Din asked, patting his son’s head before touching their foreheads together. He stood and picked Grogu up as he nodded and wrapped his arms around Din’s neck. “Ms. Harris is this-” Johnnie Mae threw up a hand and then waved Din into the house.

“We can talk about all that when you come into this house. You’re letting all my good air out Djarin.” She made a stern face, but immediately broke out into a wide grin as the clan of two made their way inside of the house. Removing their shoes, they plopped down on the couch and Grogu set about playing with his toy. Din caught the aroma of meat cooking, smelled like beef, though, not quite familiar with the seasonings used. Johnnie Mae didn’t say anything as she saw him sniffing and snickered. “Smells good I take it? Someone might be still working on dinner.”

Grogu made plane noises as he flew it around the living room in his small hands. He spied Sierra in the kitchen as Ms. Harris and Din started chatting about different meats and seasonings. “Ms. Sierra, can I have two cups of water? I want one and I need one for my daddy.” Sierra was icing the cake she baked earlier and hadn’t started on the vegetables or rice yet. She was sure she told him the right time. But Grogu wouldn’t joke about his father being here. Why is he an hour early?

“Sure Little G. Are you sure you can carry both while holding your plane? Maybe you should land it somewhere first.” Sierra suggested, smoothing out the last of the icing out on her chocolate cake. She was going to do double chocolate, but at the last minute, decided on cream cheese icing. She poured one big glass for Din and one smaller glass for Grogu. She carefully handed him one at a time. He looked up at her with a smile, thanked her and took small, measured steps toward his father and Johnnie Mae. With her eyes following him, she saw the back of Din’s head. A messy tuff brown curls followed by a loud laugh at whatever her aunt has just said. “This sounded like a good idea this morning…I’m not ready and I haven’t even changed. At least I took a shower when I got home.” She was muttering to herself as she moved the cake to a side counter out of the way and covered it so it wouldn’t dry out. In Sierra’s plan, she was going to change into a casual button-down dark olive t-shirt dress that she could dress up with a necklace or earrings. Right now, she still had on her white t-shirt with the yellow triforce logo with bright yellow bike shorts that she’d thrown on when she got home to clean, plan and run to the store. 

Three hours ago, when Sierra got home:

“You know it’s just dinner, right? The man’s seen you in your shorts and t-shirt and you had a whole lotta leg showing. Whatever you wear is fine.” Johnnie Mae watched as Sierra was looking through her closet at different outfits, it was either too church lady, too casual, too business or that one outfit she wore to the club one time too many years ago - everything hung out of that one.

To which Sierra responded, “Just let me make an outfit and dress properly. I just want to feel prepared when I see him tonight. It should be a do over from the other evening.”

“Honey, from what I heard, he seemed fine with everything.” Shrugging her shoulders, Johnnie Mae leaned on the frame of the doorway and Sierra stopped moving.

“Wait, I thought you were asleep with Grogu on the couch? How much did you hear?” Her eyes were wide, her stomach was already in knots, now it felt like it was squeezing.

“I woke up when he was holding you. I told you to stay put while Din brought your stuff in. You don’t remember that?”

“I…No. Just him being kind and you too Auntie. Some of that day was a blur, like my drive over here, except the CVS and the McDonalds.”

“That’s why I keep telling you not to worry. Din’s privy to what you’d have to work up the courage to tell any other guy down the road in a relationship. So, it’s only up from here? Now the important question is, do you want me to take Grogu over to Din’s house?” Johnnie Mae made two finger guns and shimmied her shoulders and hips making Sierra roll her eyes and laugh. She danced her way over to her niece and poked her cheeks with one finger each. “Better yet, eat dinner here, then ‘help’ Din take the leftovers over to his house. Tell me what you see in there. It’s supposed to be a mirror of this house, but I know a decade ago, when the Fetts moved out, they’d done a lot of remodeling. I wanna know if it’s any good. Boba never let me in his house, even with my good wig.” 

Sierra doubled over with laughter. “That’s not why Boba didn’t let you in his house. You can’t just invite yourself over and not be wearing anything under your coat. You’re lucky he didn’t call the police!”

“Oh hush! So how does my plan sound? You used that poor man for comfort and then left him out to dry.” Hands on her hips, her aunt clicked her tongue which made her niece sigh.

“It sounds so bad when you say it, but you’re not wrong. Everything just sounds illicit when you say it Auntie. The plan is good, and I wanted to talk to him alone so this works.” Shooting up an eyebrow, Johnnie Mae leaned closer. Sierra shook her head. “Not that. Geez…”

“When are you going to the store? You’re going to need all your ingredients.” Having a feeling she knew why she was asking; Sierra massaged her temple.

“You know he’s going to need to be gone before Grogu needs to get picked up from the bus stop right?” Johnnie Mae smirked.

“That’s no problem. He can be forceful when he needs to be.” Sierra sighed again as she settled on her dress for tonight. The less she knew about her aunt and the man across the street the better. He was actually nicer than he let on, he just liked messing with Greef. It had been a few years since she had last seen Luke and he looked about the same. His beard was a bit longer and she hadn’t seen him outside in the yard yet swing his lightsaber (keeping up his exercises from the Jedi/Sith War according to him). That’s an image she never needed to recall. 

“A simple yes would have been fine, Aunt Mae. Thanks.” 

Twenty minutes to dinner:

When Grogu brought over the two glasses of water, he thanked his son, but wondered how he got them. He turned to look over the back of the couch and saw Sierra’s back. Her hair had come out of the bun that had been on top of her head. A few coils waved near her poppy scrunchie. She had on a white t-shirt and yellow shorts which he had to look up from when Grogu brought her the glasses back. She looked up and smiled at Din, he returned it, squeezing his right knee he didn’t realize he was holding. He was nervous, he knew he didn’t really need to be, but felt optimistic as well. Ms. Harris and he continued talking while he watched Sierra disappear into the back of the house and come back out in a dark green dress. She looked beautiful in it; her hair was fully out of her bun and more in a high ponytail. There were silver teardrop earrings that framed her face. She began on the rice and vegetables as it was going to be dinner soon. Din found that he was booped on the nose by his son disrupting his thoughts.

“Daddy, whatcha lookin’ at? Don’t you see my plane? You like planes, don’t you?” Grogu asked as he hopped up on his father’s knee, Din patted his don’t curly hair and chuckled.

“Yes, I do. I’ll have to thank Mr. Skywalker in person when I get a chance. Now you know the plane has to stay over here and can’t come to the table, right?” Din pinched Grogu’s nose, and the boy giggled, Johnnie Mae had hopped up and was helping Sierra with the rest of the food. Crap. I was going to help her with the rest of dinner so I could talk to her more.Making whooshing noises with his son, they played with the plane until dinner.

Dinner was mostly uneventful. It was mainly Grogu and Johnnie Mae talking about planes, colors and how good the food was. Little G brings up that he saw Mr. Skywalker leave with something red in his hand and asks if that made him a thief. He wondered if his plane was stolen too. Din coughed on his vegetables and Sierra snorted, she knew what the red was, and Din had a sneaking suspicion. Johnnie Mae only told Grogu that, “Some things stay between adults Little G, but don’t you worry. Your plane isn’t stolen and whatever red you saw was freely given by Ms. Harris. That’s all you and anyone else needs to know.” Sierra tried to stifle her laughter but still held a smile on her face as she looked over at Din who had a grin on his face too. 

Maybe Luke Skywalker has some large retirement savings she’s into. That might be where all his money is, it’s not going into his house. Din chuckled to himself remembering what Johnnie Mae had told him when he first came to her home, though given what Grogu said, it clearly wasn’t just that.

Grogu also said that being a good guest means helping to clean up. After dinner, Johnnie Mae ‘volunteered’ herself and Little G to clean up this kitchen. The adorable child tells Ms. Harris that he wants to be helpful like his dad is. 

“I swear, he just wants to stay up late and play more with that plane he got.” Din laughed as he handed Ms. Harris the plates, followed by Sierra was gathering the silverware and some of the glasses. Johnnie Mae set to making some take home containers for Din and his son. The food hadn't quite cooled which Sierra pointed out.

“Don’t you dare chicken out now. You said you were going to talk to him. Don’t tell me you put that dress on for no reason girl. Help him over there with this food and stop playin’.” Pinched on her hip by her aunt, Sierra suggested to Din that she could help him take the food over to his house. He appeared confused for a moment until she tilted her head at his son and understood that he would be staying here helping Ms. Harris to clean up. Ah, so we can talk. I get it. Din nodded and opened the door for Sierra as they stepped outside into the cooling evening air.

“Um, Din? I didn’t explicitly ask but is it okay to go to your house to talk? It’s a little nippy out here.” Sierra looked up from the Tupperware at Din who was holding in a laugh. “What?” Her look of confusion had him cough to cover up the snicker. 

“We're definitely going over to my house. That seems to be part of your plan and it’s too damn cold out here for what I assume you want to discuss?” Sierra closed her eyes. God it was that transparent!? Why do I listen to my aunt on these things? She’s kickin’ it with Luke, the same guy who waves his lightsaber around and screams about the Sith Lords coming back. She exhaled and opened her eyes.

Din gathered his Tupperware he held under his one arm and offered his hand to Sierra after he went down a few of the steps.  Looking up at her, the yellow light of the house behind her made it appear like there was a shimmering aura around her. I told myself it’s horrible timing for the both of us, but I can’t help but wonder…no I can prevent myself from wondering. Sierra’s not coming over to talk about any of that. Manners, just like you taught your son Djarin. 

“Yes, my very present and clear plan it seems.” Shaking her head, she took Din’s hand and walked over to his home with him. Eager to sit down with Din, Sierra found that her anxiety didn’t plague her. Din clasped his fingers around her hand, he found it small, soft, and warm. He only let it go, to unlock the front door and welcome her into her home. Instead of recapturing it, Djarin decided to place his palm on the small of her back, guiding her inside to which Sierra met his gaze and smiled. 

There was a spark between them, both wordlessly acknowledging it.

Chapter Three. Chapter Five

Peeps who want to hear the tea from Little G 🍵: @readingiskeepingmegoing @604to647 @syd-djarin @yorksgirl @harriedandharassed @survivingandenduring @drawingdroid @katw474 @trulybetty @bitchwitch1981 @soft-girl-musings @tinytinymenace @djarinmuse @littlemisspascal @pedroshotwifey @megamindsecretlair

[yanderepuck]

Lil headcanons with @lulu-the-smol-floof

Galileo thinks Robert and Isaac are gay

Why?

He saw them kiss.

Why did they kiss?

Because Will kissed Robert and he got confused.

Why did he kiss Robert?

SO GLAD YOU ASKED

So Will just wanted himself a lil goth boyfriend (Poe) only rather than just ASKING Poe out on a little date he decided to have some fun with it to see how jealous he could get him.

So Will just starts randomly kissing the residents.

Gives Poe a lil smooch. Gives Leonardo a lil smooch. Vincent. Arthur. Dazai. Even Theo.

Theo isnt happy about this.

Now Poe is just VERY confused. Because Will seems to be smooching people as a greeting. So he's not sure what is going on.

Is he gay or is he just a fruity renaissance man like the 4 Italians here (who in fact are gay and it's not just bc they are Italian)

Main question here: are they gay or are they just Italian

HOWEVER. Will kisses Robert. Robert is very confused. Thinks he felt a little something, but he could just be deprived.

So one day Robert is in Isaac's class and he's like "umm...can I kiss you?" And Isaac is SOOOO confused. But what's the harm in it?

So they kiss. You can basically say they made out. And it's a whole anime scene. There's a breeze, cheery blossom leaves fly across the screen, there's perfect lighting. Everything. But no fireworks. They stop kissing and go "nope. Nothing" and go back to work like that didn't just happen

Only mid kiss Galileo walks into the classroom to ask Isaac something. Sees them kissing, freezes, and finally walks out.

GALILEO THINKS THEY ARE GAY FOR A WHOLE ASS YEAR. Robert and Isaac completely forget about what happened. And Galileo thinks they are boyfriends and keeps their secret safe, but is just very confused because the two of them always ask Galileo to join them on their breaks.

Finally one day when they are at a cafe eating lunch Robert says something about maybe wanting to date a woman. And Isaac is like "I couldn't be bothered with dating"

And Galileo is listening, and even more confused because he thought they were together.

"Dating a woman?"

"Yeah. It's been a while and I think I'm comfortable enough to try dating again"

"..I thought" and he looks between Robert and Isaac. Isaac isnt looking up from a paper he is reading. And Robert is looking at Galileo confused.

"I thought you two were like..."

"whAT"

And that's how Wills lil prank ended up lasting a whole year without meaning too.

Also 2 months into the prank him and Poe went on a date and are together. Everyone but Galileo has forgotten all of this

[shipcestuous]

The Fall of the House of Usher

Anon #1: I first read Poe's 'The Fall of the House of Usher' 15 years ago as a teen and I have been in love with it ever since. When I saw the promo stills and read the synopsis last month for the show that just came out, I was a bit weirded out by the modernized vibe in the stills, but seeing it called an 'anthology' and that it would explore multiple stories by Poe, I thought that we might just get the actually story of the House of Usher in one or two eps, just a bit quirky and... well, modernized. So I was still excited. It took me 5 min in the tag last week to realize they had completely screwed up the story. I didn't even doubt my assessment to go 'oh look, I was right after all' now that I've read on this blog that people who watched it were hugely disappointed.

I am still baffled that they could mess this up. It's literally one short story involving a mansion, the owner, his dead sister, the first-person POV guest, and the irrefutable incest in the owner and his not-so-dead-after-all sister's family tree. I'm sure someone served the owner and the guest dinner. I don't even remember their existence for them to be an important presence in the story. Seriously how can you screw this up?

Anon #2: When it comes to House of Usher, I’ve only seen the Vincent Price one. They don’t have the incest be canon (made in 60s and all), but it did seem to be implied. Also, wow, I didn’t realize how many adaptations there were of that story!

@leopard-skin-pillbox-hat-ok: I was watching House of Usher thinking about the future ship (Madeleine x Roderick) that I would be obsessive about it… imagine my surprise when there’s absolutely nothing there! 💀

@winterborn-muse: Netflix's "Fall of the House of Usher" may not be canon but in my opinion it's definitely shippable. Especially in their younger years/flashback scenes. One in particular... phew.

----

Previous discussion here.

I finished watching The Fall of the House Usher so I can finally answer these asks.

It's crazy how different it is from the original story. I almost wonder if Flanagan came up with the story and then added in the Poe elements later, maybe even after it was already written. I think it's only called "The Fall of the House of Usher" because that's such an awesome title and everyone knows it. And also because Hollywood is scared no one will watch something original. There was obviously no attempt made to adapt the story itself (or the other Poe stories), except superficially.

I didn't mean that to sound too negative, because although I am disappointed this wasn't what it might have been, I thought it was fairly entertaining and well written. It just wasn't what I was hoping for, and what I made the mistake of expecting. The premise of solid, I just wish it hadn't masqueraded as something else. Also, the "House of Usher" title just doesn't have the same power or vibe when Roderick and Madeline are really the first generation, and then there's Roderick's kids and 1 grandchild and that's all.

The Vincent Price version being coy about the incest is understandable. Why Mike Flanagan didn't take the opportunity to include incest here is baffling. I can only think that he didn't want anyone to accuse him of copying Game of Thrones. But even leaving the original story aside, in which incest was implied, look at the potential here: rich, decadent family with lots of siblings? Sibling matriarch and patriarch bonded by a traumatic childhood and murder?

Roderick and Madeline are definitely not canon at all in this version (if it can be called that?), but I completely agree that they were shippable. They were very close, life partners really, and seemed to love each other more than they loved anyone else.

I love the gift of the jewels that Roderick got for Madeline because it was so thoughtful and showed how well he knew her, on top of how expensive and difficult it was to get. He basically called her a goddess.

But the flashbacks were agreeably the best stuff. Obviously when Roderick and Madeline were sharing a bed:

Not that that's the craziest thing in the world after what they had just been through.

Then you've got Madeline not liking Roderick's wife, and Roderick's wife not liking Madeline.

I think they were also called "king and queen" once and Roderick is referred to as Gatsby and Madeline as Daisy.

Plus just the whole deal, the way Carla Gugino's character makes a deal with them together, and treats them as a single unit, and says they'll die together just like they came into the world together.

So at least there was some very shippy stuff.

But man oh man, the wasted opportunities here. smh

[ashxllbey]

Starman - Poe Dameron X Fem!Reader - Chapter 28: Nights in White Satin

GIF by can't find the owner - lmk if it's yours!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Word count: 11k Warnings: SMUT!! Minors DNI (this is yet another reminder that this is an 18+ blog and underage users will be blocked, pls I'm not responsible for your media consumption), unprotected sex, me making shit up about Star Wars' medical stuff (don't @ me) (wrap it before you tap it), consensual sex, mentions of alcohol, adults making dumb decisions (under the influence *and* with no excuses), swearing. Also, Poe being a cocky bastard, which deserves a warning of its own. A/N: I know. I'm late. I'm very sorry. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect, and it's not, but that's okay. There's almost 50 of you on this blog now, and I love you all - thank you for sticking around and following along. I hope you're doing well. Enjoy ♥

  The smell of citrus lingering in the air should have been the first warning that something was out of place. Y/N emerged slowly from the deep slumber she had been in, stirring under the thick covers. Her head hurt from the alcohol, still clouded by the remnants of sleep. Her face was deeply set into the pillows, but she could see the faintest ray of lights brightening the room in her peripheral vision.  It felt nice. It was so cozy. Y/N hadn't slept that well in years, probably. With a content sigh, she snuggled up into the pillow, taking a deep breath in- ...Citrus. Huh. Bizarre. As she moved under the covers, she realized she wasn't wearing any clothes. Or, well... anything at all, for that matter. Double weird. But Y/N felt too content to care.  Until she heard a soft whimper right next to her. She opened her eyes wide in the darkened room.   Adrenaline and surprise pumped through her body, shaking off the blanket of sleep, and her body started noticing the little things: how she wasn't facing the wall, how softer than usual the pillow was. How she had someone's arm draped over her waist and how this person's breathing was shallow and quiet in the silent room. The purest feeling of dread replaced the surprise as she put all the elements together. "Oh, no," she whispered to herself in horror. The realization had frozen her into place. She KNEW where she was. Oh, Maker. No, no, no, no. She had NOT just- Okay. Breathe. As gently as possible, Y/N turned around, careful not to push the arm away. And, as she had expected —but it still gave her a near heart attack— she found herself facing the sleeping figure of Poe. He was still fast asleep, naked from the waist up —probably from the waist down, too— with one arm over her and one under his pillow. He was so peaceful. His curls fell on his eyes, a tousled mess Y/N wanted to run her fingers into. And even though her situation was alarming, she found herself pushing back the inevitable by observing him. Poe was rarely so relaxed. It was almost a little bit frightening, to be honest. But he was also so well-rested. Unbothered.  Y/N imagined he would freak out as much as she was upon waking up himself, so she committed this peaceful image to her memory. She had done it again; she had slept with a coworker. It was far worse this time, as he was her squad leader, General, and friend. She would be grateful if the ground could crack open and swallow her whole. But that didn't happen. Instead, Poe moved around in his sleep, tightening his hold on her skin, not enough to be uncomfortable but enough to bring her closer.  It made Y/N wish she could stay like this. Because now that the initial shock had worn off, she was left with wishful thinking and contentment. It was, in all fairness, a sight to behold. Poe was handsome in many ways. Being privileged enough to witness him like this was... ethereal. It made Y/N wish for it to happen again. But that was a dangerous path to go down.  It couldn't happen again. What Y/N and Poe had done would have momentous consequences, and if she hoped to salvage what was left of their professional and friendly relationship, Y/N had to get out of there. Put an end to whatever this had been. This... this escapade.  Realistically, Y/N knew they would have to talk about it. But she would rather not do that here, in bed, as they both realized what their drunken selves had done the night prior. She hated herself for what she was about to do, but it was for the best. Or at least, she tried to convince herself it was because, truthfully, she was running away as she had always done.   Resisting the urge to kiss him before leaving, Y/N gently pulled his arm from her body, putting it in her spot as she rolled out of the way, surveilling his every move, ready to fake being asleep should he open his eyes. He didn't. He truly was out cold. Good, he deserved every ounce of rest he could get. Now that Y/N was free from his arms she had never wanted to leave, she sat on the edge of the bed, looking around for her clothes. She had discarded them the night before and found them scattered across the room. Y/N would have no choice but to walk back in her party attire; that made her wince. She was dead if she met ANYONE at all on the way back. She tiptoed out of Poe's room, stopping in the doorway against her better judgment. Every atom of her body was screaming at her to turn around and have one last look at him. And she caved in because her self-control when it came to him was nonexistent. She tentatively looked over her shoulder, admiring his sleepy silhouette. Her heart broke a little. It was for the best.  So why did she feel like crying? Fuck. Y/N wanted to stay. She wanted all of this.  But she was also terrified. From the bottomless pit of her puzzled mind, a sentence rose. A murmur emanated from a foreign memory. "Fear is the path to the dark side... Fear leads to anger… Anger leads to hate." Luke's voice vanished from her mind. The door closed behind Y/N with a soft whooshing sound.   Though it was early, the base was still very much awake. Droids cruised around, and people strolled in the hallways with their eyes glued to their holopads. Y/N had to turn her walk into an infiltration mission, and the similarity with her trips to Kit's room certainly didn't help quell her anxiety regarding the worrying parallels between the two situations. Still, after a careful trip hiding in the shadows, prickling her ear for any footstep, Y/N had reached her door with palpable relief. She exhaled as she typed in her code— "Oh, morning, Y/N! I was coming over to check on you." She froze. Klana's voice was ever so chipper, greeting her friend with warm enthusiasm. Paralyzed by shame, Y/N turned around slowly, mustering a smile on her face. "Oh, hey, Klan'. I'm alright." The brunette stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes raked over her, taking in her clothes. "...Why are you wearing last night's outfit?" She sounded less suspicious than she probably was. Before Y/N could stutter an answer, realization dawned on Klana. "By Malachor, you didn't sleep here-" Y/N dragged her friend inside the room and shut the door before she could get another word out.  

  When Poe woke up that morning, it was with a pounding headache and the unsettling impression of having, quite literally, fucked up. Also, he was pleasantly sore, but that wasn't from the alcohol. With a soft grunt and while keeping his eyes closed, he rolled over to the other side of the bed, draping his arm around- Air. Okay. What? It, at least, served to wake him up. He cracked an eye open as his fingers grazed against the —still— lukewarm sheets. Empty. Where was she? Perhaps in the shower? He stilled but couldn't hear the water running. Or anything else, for that matter, except for the soft wheezing sound BB-8 made when he rolled around. It was eight-thirty in the morning already; the droid had been awake for a little while. He wasn't speaking with her, so she wasn't here anymore. Wait. Had Poe imagined it all? Was it all a fever dream? Dank Farrik; that would be the most anticlimatic —pun intended— turn of events he could conceive. Regardless, he needed some aspirin, stat. Finding his discarded sweatpants on the floor, he muttered a half-assed "I'm fine" to his droid, who had peeked through the open door, not bothering to turn on the lights higher than the minimal setting as he closed the bathroom door behind him. Blinding lights were above his strength for now. A quick look in the mirror told him he looked as bad as he felt. Messy hair, five o'clock shadow, dark circles; he had looked better. He turned the tap on with a long sigh and splashed some cold water on his face, hoping it would wake him up. It didn't, not really. So, with another grunt, Poe rummaged through his cabinet, popped some tablets in his hand, and swallowed them without a second thought. He had almost gone through the box and would need Feron to give him more of it.  As he turned back to the cabinet, he caught a glimpse of his back in the mirror and turned his back toward it, realizing that the skin was a complete and utter mess. Red, angry scratches adorned it and- Kriff. Firstly, it hadn't been a dream, and secondly, she had done a number on him. It would take a while to heal, and Maker, Poe sure hoped he wouldn't have to take his shirt off in front of anyone, or he would be busted in a second. ...But he had to admit it made him slightly proud. Y/N had drawn blood in several spots, and he imagined she wasn't in a better state. The marks he had left on her would last a few days at best, and the bruises were sure to stay— Okay, he seriously needed a cold shower. It was NOT a good idea to go there. What the hell, what had gotten into him?! He turned the water on and hopped in the shower without bothering to wait for it to heat up. The tiny droplets felt like needles in his scratched skin, and he winced but didn't step outside. What was WRONG with him? Sleeping with a coworker? Sleeping with a pilot in his squad? Kriff, that was the worst idea he had ever had, which was saying a lot.  Sure, Y/N would probably argue it wasn't a big deal- after all, she had done it before (which pissed him off, by the way, because Kit wasn't nearly good enough for her). But she wasn't his General; he should have known better. He did know better. But he would have been lying to himself if he feigned not to have thought about it before. Okay, perhaps he had thought about it more often than he cared to admit. But that wasn't an excuse. Kriff. Okay, sure, she hadn't pushed him away, but what if she had felt pressured or something— ...No, she would have kicked his ass if she had. And boy, was he glad she hadn't. The night's images kept playing in his head; he hadn't had that much fun in a long time. Oh, he had enjoyed watching her squirm- Okay, no, that was NOT a good idea; he needed to get a grip. Seriously. He cursed under his breath. Deciding to focus on something else, he showered, then went on to shave, careful not to break the skin. As he wiped off his razor on the towel, he caught himself wondering if his beard had left marks down her- "Kriffing Hell!" he cursed out loud as droplets of blood trickled down the sink, startling the droid in the other room. BeeBee beeped, worried, and he grumbled an apology as an answer. It was going to be a long day.    Dressed and ready to face the day, despite the pounding headache that didn't care about his General duties, he stepped out of his quarters, his droid on his heels. He had reassured him at least five times that he was fine, despite obviously being in a mood. He was pissed at himself, mainly because he couldn't help but feel proud that he had managed to spend the night with a woman like her.  Poe shot tight smiles at the fellow soldiers walking around the compound as he made his way toward the cafeteria. If she were anywhere at this hour, it would be there. He knew her schedule by heart; Y/N had a day off that day. She would probably spend it with her students, so he had to corner her before she disappeared into the crowd, making it impossible for him to get her alone. They needed to talk. He just wasn't too sure what he was going to say. Apologize? Ask her out properly- Oh, no, that was NOT an option.  He didn't have more time to think about it as he finally reached the door. As usual, people greeted him, and he waved back absentmindedly, his eyes going straight to the table she, Skylen, and Klana would usually sit at. But the two women were nowhere to be seen that morning. Skylen, though, was there, and Poe walked up to him. "Morning, General," he saluted light-heartedly. "You look like hell." Poe rolled his eyes at that as his pilot snickered. Yeah, he imagined he gave off strong hangover vibes. "Yeah, whatever you say, Blue. Remember that time at the Senate?" Skylen flipped him off and grumbled as Poe snickered. Yeah, thought so. "Anyway. Have you seen Y/N this morning?" He tried to sound casual, but hungover Poe was not subtle. But if Skylen noticed his awkwardness, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Nah. I haven't seen Duckling since last night. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Klan' today either. Whatever these two are doing, it's probably a girl thing. She might've been kidnapped to try on new clothes for her. I swear all of her kriffing credits go into fancy stuff. Y/N's a saint for putting up with it." He couldn't argue with that. Klana had taken a liking to dressing her up, and she didn't seem to mind. Well. Considering what she had been wearing the night before, Poe certainly didn't mind either. "Okay, well, I'll send a search party, then. Have you seen Finn?" He nodded toward the end of the room, where his co-leader was sitting with a pile of pancakes. Sending a quick thank you to Skylen, he walked up to Finn. "Poe! Good morning-" "We need to talk. NOW. It's urgent."    Finn frowned. "Can it wait after I've finished eating? Because they're delicious, and I would hate for them to go to waste-" "No."   Finn rolled his eyes, sent a sad look to his food, and put the plate on a waiter-droid. The urgency in Poe's tone had probably convinced him not to ask questions for now. He followed his friend in the hallway until they reached Poe's office. He ushered Finn inside, closed the door, and let out a loud grunt. He started pacing, trying to find a way to just come out with it already. Finn watched in silence, sending quizzical looks to BeeBee. "Okay, if you made me come here to have me watch as you ruin the floor, I'll-" "I fucked up, Finn. As in, big time." Finn raised an eyebrow. "I mean... You have a habit of stirring up trouble, so you'll have to be more specific here. What did you blow up this time?" Okay, first of all, rude, second of all... "What? Nothing! Why would you think- okay, actually, never mind, don't answer that. I didn't blow anything up. I mean, maybe I did. I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair, growing increasingly frustrated.  "Okay, it can't be that bad then, can it?" He WISHED he had just blown something up, honestly. When Finn noticed his friend wasn't answering, he frowned. "Okay, you're scaring me, Poe." "I slept with her," he blurted out.  It took Finn a second to comprehend what he meant. And when he finally did- Both he and BB-8 gasped. "You did WHAT?!" BEEEEEP? "Yeah, that was pretty much the reaction I'd been expecting," Poe muttered as he started pacing again. Finn stared at him, baffled. "Her, as in-" "As in Y/N, yes. Maker, who else? She walked me to my room yesterday since I'd drunk too much. I asked her to come inside. She stayed the night. I'm a Kriffing MORON-" "FINALLY!" Finn exclaimed. ...Wait, what? He turned to his friend, disbelief written all over his face. Finn shrugged.  "Don't look at me like that. I'm surprised it took you so long, honestly. Maybe now you'll stop undressing each other with your eyes across the room." BeeBee beeped approvingly. Seriously?! Poe scoffed. "We've never done that! Also, not helping. Kriff, I'm her leader, and that's the worst thing I could have done." "I don't know; threatening her with a lightsaber seems higher on my list." He glared at Finn, who held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay! I get it! Not in the mood to joke around! Listen, Poe, you two are grown adults, and besides, she's used to this situation. I'm sure she told you that already." Silence. Finn frowned harder. If he went on like that, he would have wrinkles on his face before his next birthday. "...You did talk to her, right?" "No." "Poe, what-" "She wasn't there when I woke up. She snuck out." Finn cackled. "Man, you've lost your touch."   Okay, he was NOT going to let that one fly. With a sneer, he turned around, raising his shirt over his head and exposing his back. Finn cursed. "What the hell? Were you attacked by a loth cat or something?" Poe dropped his shirt down and rolled his eyes. "You're so funny. Trust me, that's not the problem. I don't know why Y/N left. And I don't even know where she is or what I'm gonna tell her when I see her. 'Cuz right now, I can't even get the images of last night out of my head. So facing her and speaking with her? Man, I'm screwed." He sat down on his desk, shoulders slumped. Finn observed him in silence for a few moments and sighed. "Don't be so hard on yourself; it was bound to happen. I mean, you two have a thing for each other. But must pull yourself together, Poe; you're still her boss. Talk to her. Maybe ask her out properly." He shook his head. "Hell, no. That's drama waiting to happen, and I can't do that." "But you want to." "I- well, you see- no! I mean... I don't- well, maybe I- I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. We all have a million things on our plates right now. I think she's gonna start her Jedi training soon; that's the last thing she should worry about." He sensed that Finn wanted to add something, but his friend stayed silent, nodding thoughtfully.  "If you say so. You two need to talk, though. If Leia and Han could work it out, I'm sure you can, too." Poe chuckled. "Leia was something else, and you know it. But you're right. I have to talk to her. We have to work together after that, and I don't wanna make her uncomfortable or anything. Kriff. I'm an idiot." For the umptieth time, he ran a hand through his hair. At this rate, he would be bald by the end of the day. "Hey, it'll be fine. Y/N's a smart woman and way too wicked for her own good and yours. Just... talk. Figure it out. Tell her what you told me." Okay, yes, he could do that. Poe frowned, taking a second to think. "Have I told you I'm happy you accepted to be my co-general?" Finn burst out laughing. "You did. But if it takes me giving you non-relationship advice to hear it more often, I hope you two will be a thing soon." He was still cackling after Poe had tried to throw a pen at him.   

Panic attack panic attack panic attack paniiiic- Slap. Y/N stood still, cradling her injured cheek, mouth agape, as the sting of Klana's hit made her skin all tingly. "What in the HELL was that for?!" she squeaked. Klana shrugged, clearly unimpressed. "You're hyperventilating, and it's not going to solve anything. Now, please, tell me, what happened? Did you kill someone? Because I can totally help you with the body." What- "What? No, I- wait, why is this the first thing you're thinking about?" Y/N asked, baffled, and her friend merely shrugged. "I don't know! Anyway. If there's no body involved, what happened? You're freaking me out." Y/N let out a long sigh, trying to exhale the frustration and sheer panic she had been feeling since she had woken up in Poe's bed. "There's no body, but there was someone," she started, to Klana's confusion if the frown on her face was any indication. "I... Kriff. I kinda. Sorta. Slept with Poe. Kinda. Maybe." The sound that followed her confession could only be described as 'shrill' as Klana let out a high-pitched scream of surprise, jumping to her feet with eyes wide as Coruscant. Y/N jumped after her and clamped her mouth shut with her hand. "Will you SHUT UP?!" she hissed. "My walls aren't soundproof! I'm not trying to attract half of the base here!" Her skin was still vibrating for a few seconds before Klana calmed down. She gave her a stern look. "You done?" The brunette nodded, and Y/N finally let go of her mouth, only to find a big grin replacing the look of surprise. She was smiling so broadly that she was sure she could see all of her teeth. "Okay, but seriously, Y/N, what's the problem?" Seriously? "Didn't you hear the part where I slept with a coworker?" "Well, yes-" "Again." "It's true you have some kind of habit-" "Who also happens to be an excellent friend." "Well, yes, but you can still-" "And my General." "True, but-" "And my squad leader." This time, Klana pinched her lips, thoughtful. Her brown eyes were detailing her friend with an excruciating level of attention.  She ended up speaking up again after a few moments of intense pondering. "I mean, I'm not saying you did not just shoot yourself in the leg with that one." That was a gentle way of saying she had royally fucked up. Y/N flopped down on the bed, letting out an aggravated sigh. Then, she fell back with a pathetic whine and a dramatic arm flail. "I hate myself. This is Kit all over again. Oh, Maker. What have I done? I can't go back to work. I need to quit. I can't face Poe after that." Klana sat next to her, putting a reassuring hand on her knee. "You're not going to quit; you're returning to work. What did Poe tell you?" Silence. "Y/N." "That's my name." "Please tell me you didn't run away." "No." "That's great, then-" "I technically walked away," she added.  Klana blinked. "Mother of Force, give me the strength I need," her friend all but groaned. "You snuck out of his room?! Y/N! That's not okay!" "I panicked!" Y/N defended herself, sitting back up. "I woke up in his room, naked, hungover, in his arms, and I freaked out!" "Why? I'm sure you could have talked about it. Poe's an intelligent man, and you're both adults. I'm sure you can sort it out." "Because I had absolutely zero regrets, and I realized I very much like waking up next to him," Y/N blurted out.   This took Klana by surprise, and she stayed silent for a moment, looking at he friend with a frown. "You like him," she said with a grin. "Maker, Klana. Of COURSE, I like him. And I don't want to lose my friend, and I don't... I don't think I could live with that," she whispered. Klana sighed. "Slightly dramatic, but I understand. Y/N, be honest... Do you have feelings for him?" She looked away, and Klana sighed once more. She had screwed things up, and she knew it. Y/N knew their relationship would never be the same, no matter what happened next. It terrified her, and her throat felt tight. Mainly because of the feelings that had bloomed when she had turned around and looked at him. Peace. Happiness.  Home. It wasn't normal to feel like this after a one-night stand with a friend. It wasn't normal to feel like this with a friend, period. But they were primarily colleagues in a Galaxy on the brink of losing its mind over new enemies and old mysteries. There was no time for an office romance. It was a distraction. Feelings were a distraction.  Having feelings for your squad leader was a deadly distraction. "You still need to talk to him. Realistically speaking, you can't ignore him. And don't tell me 'I can try'; I will slap you again." Y/N knew she was right. She ran a hand through her hair. "I know. I will. But not now." Klana nodded. "Why don't you ask him out, though? I mean... It's pretty obvious you two like each other. If the job wasn't an issue, would you go on a date with him?" "No." Klana raised a surprised eyebrow and whistled lowly. "That was a quick answer." "It's not what you think," Y/N corrected herself. "But if I decide to start the Jedi training, we're not supposed to have... Feelings. At least, not intense ones. It's in the books. Historically, the Jedi were abstinent. That ship has sailed, but I'll do my best to follow the rest of their teachings." A humming sound was the only answer she got. "Did you know Luke revoked that?" Y/N blinked. What part? The abstinence part? How could she know? She didn't remember her time as his Padawan. "The whole thing about not having feelings," Klana explained. "I met him once, and we talked about it. He always said that repressing feelings was what caused Vader's downfall. He was more about learning to accept them and embracing love," she concluded. "Because love is the most powerful weapon one can wield. Even the Force can't compare. Love is what brought Ren back. It was Leia's ultimate gift to him, and it saved him." Y/N didn't know that. "How do you know that?" she whispered. Klana shrugged. "Rey told me once. So, no, Y/N. Suppressing your feelings won't make you a good Jedi. It might just do the opposite. But you should talk to Rey about that if you're worried," she added. "She knows about all of this. Loving people isn't a weakness, Y/N. It takes strength to be vulnerable in a world that is constantly looking to crush you."   Klana stood up, mindlessly tidying the spot she had just been sitting in. "Whatever you decide, know Poe cares about you. I never told you that, but there's a reason he was pissed for the entire mission on Tatooine and on the way back. There's a reason he does not like Kit." Oh, yes, she knew they hated each other. Y/N snorted. "They were enemies for their entire lives. You don't erase that in a day." "Yes. But it's also because Kit's still in love with you, and he hates it." Silence. Y/N winced. She had tried her best not to think about that, but... "I know you're right," she sighed. "I was hoping I was wrong and nobody else had noticed." "For the record, I'm only telling you this because I want you to understand," Klana went on. "Poe cares about you. Probably more than he would like to admit, and if he hates him that much, it's because he thinks you deserve better." "Did he tell you all of this?" "Oh, no, he would never. He isn't smart enough to hide it from me," Klana shrugged nonchalantly. Y/N laughed. It was all wishful thinking, but she wouldn't tell Klana that. She could do with admitting they were attracted to each other. But... That was it. She smiled. "I see. I'll talk to Poe. After a shower and a nap." "You do that. I have a mission coming up, and I need to go. But we'll talk later when I get back, okay?" She gave Y/N a quick hug, and they parted ways. As the door closed on her friend, Y/N sighed. She wouldn't face Poe. Not yet.   It turned out that running away from the General was a more strenuous task than she had anticipated. Everything seemed to put him in her path. She went to the cafeteria to grab some food, only to see him walking toward the door, eyes glued to his datapad. She walked past the room and around the hallway, going in only when she was sure he was gone. Then, she was headed for the training room and found him there, unscheduled, with a group of his usual students. Their eyes met, and Y/N stopped dead in her tracks. Oh, no. But fate was on her side as one of her students stepped in, asking her about some random issue he had. Y/N was more than happy to give him an overly thorough explanation, and when they were done, she realized Poe had left already, likely called back to his duties. The third time they met, she almost didn't manage to avoid him. Working on her X-Wing in the hangar, Y/N hadn't heard his footsteps over the cacophony of metallic noises until it was too late. It wasn't until she turned around to grab a screwdriver that she realized he was walking toward her. She had dropped the tool in the process. "Hey, Y/N. Do you have-" "General! There you are! There's an issue with the latest weapon shipment," Varun had interrupted, stopping between them, out of breath. "I've been trying to fix it, but they want to talk to you. I have them on the line right now. Can you please talk some sense into them before I break something?" Bless him. Poe stared at Y/N for a long time. "...I'm coming," he answered calmly after a few seconds. But the look he gave Y/N was enough to get her to glance away, bashfully staring at her shoes as the two men went to work. The fourth time... She didn't get so lucky.   After successfully avoiding Poe for the entire day, Y/N was making her way back to her room when she was yanked —unceremoniously yanked— into a storage room. Something grabbed her wrist, and she broke free with precise movements, sparring in the dark until she found herself pinned to the wall. "Hey! Easy!" "Poe?! What the- Are you out of your mind?!" she yelped. "I could have broken your nose!" "Yes, I'm aware of that; you barely missed my face," he grumbled, letting go of her. She could see him now that her eyes were acclimated to the room's dimness. "That's because you literally just kidnapped me." "Considering you've been avoiding me for the entire day, yes, I did decide to kidnap you," he stated matter-of-factly with audible annoyance. Ouch. She deserved that. "I wasn't avoiding you," she stubbornly mumbled. "No, you're right. You were strategically finding any excuse to run on the other side of the base the second you saw me." Well... Oh, Maker. When he said it like that, he made it sound so much worse than it was. "We need to talk," he softly added after a moment of silence. Y/N shook her head. "This? This sentence? It's the exact reason I've been avoiding you!" She shrilled. "There's nothing wrong with-" "You know it's the worst thing you can tell someone." "I could think of at least ten things that are worse-" "You're so not helping." He sighed. "But you're right," Y/N added in a small voice. "We do need to talk, and I'll... I'll go first." Oh, Force. There it was.   It didn't help that the room was so small he wasn't even a meter away, his gaze as intense as ever and fixed on her. Gulp. She licked her lips three times before mustering enough courage to speak up. "I'm sorry for leaving this morning. I panicked," Y/N admitted. "I woke up and saw you, and I couldn't remember how I ended up here. And it's not the first time, either," she sighed. "You're my squad leader, Poe. I shouldn't have... I was scared of what you'd say. I'm still terrified, actually." She paused. "Please don't kick me off the squad," she whispered. "Okay, hold on, now," he interrupted, raising his hands. "First of all, you're not getting kicked off anything. Second of all, what happened yesterday was..." He pondered for a second. If he said "a mistake," Y/N would have a heart attack. "I'm not going to say 'a mistake' because that would be a lie," he sighed. "But it was... Something. And I know you've been in this position before, and I'm sorry I've put you back in it." Whew. He certainly had put her into a specific position the night before, though- Oh, Force, shut up, Y/N. Kriff. "Now... What do you mean you don't remember?" Oh, no, she didn't mean it like that- ...Wait a second.   Could it be... Could it be her way out? No. She couldn't do that. Lying to Poe had always been out of the equation. She would never lie to him. He deserved the truth. He deserved... He deserved to live without any worries.  She just couldn't add more to his plate. "I mean... I remember some things," she answered, stressing out the word. "But not... I mean, it's a bit blurry." It was the tiniest lie she could tell. It wasn't entirely false, either. But she remembered very clearly everything he had done. Everything he had said to her.  The alcohol. It had been the alcohol. "Listen. I know it was a one-time thing, and I don't want to make things weird. You're a really great friend, Poe. I don't want to lose that, and I don't..." I don't want to lose you.   He stayed silent for the longest time. He was staring, though, and there had been the slightest spark of something in his eyes. A definitive indication that he had heard her. The silence stretched on, and Poe licked his lips. Was it wrong to wish he would just kiss her again like he had done the night before? Because Y/N couldn't think about anything else. "Do you really mean that?" he asked after an eternity. What? Mean what? Why did it sound like a trick question? Was it a trick question? What did he want her to say? The truth? Because the truth was that Y/N didn't regret a thing. She didn't want it to be a one-time thing. But she couldn't tell him that. Not now. Not with everything that was unfurling. "Of course," she answered with a fake frown.  He hummed, looking to the side as he thought of something.  "I'm disappointed, though," he added after a moment. "I was hoping you'd help me remember because, ah, well... I might have had too much to drink yesterday." He paused, rubbing the back of his neck, then winced. "Okay, understatement of the century. I was drunk as hell." She burst out laughing. It was SO unexpected! "Oh, I know that. I distinctly remember having to walk you to your room because you could barely stand." "Come on; it wasn't that bad." "Oh, it definitely was that bad." He snorted. "Easy now. I carried you to your room more than once." "Look at you, trying to dig yourself out of this one." Poe grimaced. "Yeah, well... I just hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing." Quite the contrary. Y/N's heart broke a little. He always had the gift of saying the right thing. And what he had told her the night before...  Never mind. It was the alcohol talking. "I'm sure you didn't. At least, nothing more embarrassing than usual." He punched her shoulder before she could let out a giggle. But after a few seconds, he joined her, and both laughed.   What had she been afraid of? Poe hadn't changed. Nothing had changed. It was wishful thinking to consider it would have. "Did I hurt you?" Y/N nearly jumped out of her skin when he spoke up again, his voice quiet. Hurt her? as in... Physically? Was that what he was afraid of? "No, you didn't. You did leave some, ah... Well. Let's just say I'll need to borrow some makeup from Klana for a couple of days to hide the purple spots," she joked to lighten the mood. Poe hummed. "You have no right to complain about that. You clearly haven't seen my back." What? His back- He turned and raised his shirt slightly, earning a gasp from Y/N. No. She had NOT. "I am SO sorry," she whispered, absolutely horrified, but he merely chuckled. "It's fine, honestly. I'm not worried about it." Outside of the room, voices whispered unintelligible nothings as they walked by. Neither of them said anything, but the silence wasn't as comfortable as it usually was. Some things did change, after all. "Y/N. We're still friends, aren't we?" What? "Of course, we're still friends, Poe," she answered without missing a beat. "Nothing could ever... As long as you don't threaten me with a lightsaber, we're good." "Good. Okay. I don't own one, anyway. That's great." "Good." "Good." "Well, I should probably-" "Yes. Me, too. I'm late to a meeting; Finn is gonna kill me." "Right, well, don't let me keep you. I'll go first. Uh, see you tomorrow at work?" "Right. See you, Keebler." She gave him an awkward smile and slipped past him, through the door, and into the hallway, letting out a sigh she hadn't realized she was holding.   Poe cursed. Fuck. He had just ruined everything, hadn't he? Lying about not remembering? Letting her brush it off like it was- No. Y/N was right. It had been a one-time thing. This was what he had told Finn. He had promised he wouldn't interfere anymore. It meant nothing; they were still friends. No matter what he felt like. He ran a frustrated hand over his face and hair before kicking an empty bucket lying at his feet. Poe wasn't stupid; he had seen the change of behavior, the ever-so-noticeable angst in her voice. It made him slightly concerned that he knew her that well.  Defeated, he left the storage room, nearly walking into BB-8, who didn't dare to ask anything.  "You know, BeeBee, maybe one day I'll have the chance to start living my life," he sighed.

[galacticwildfire]

Fire Meet Gasoline | Poe Dameron

Three

Poe Dameron x Solo Original Character

Hope Solo’s haunted by the night the temple burned. Having gone rogue she hunts the First Order in search of answers until a fateful encounter with Poe Dameron brings her back to the Resistance and Leia puts her daughter under his command to find Luke Skywalker.

Word count: 10k

Tags/warnings: simp poe, exhausted leia, (those may as well be permanent tags), the meet cute, Poe giving oc an existential crisis with his jawline alone, flirting, attempted x-wing race, ego's, rizzpoe, resistance command having a panic attack, mentions of war crimes/systematic kidnapping and indoctrination of children, trauma, first half is sexual tension second half is angst. Leia trying her best to be a good parent to a traumatised child. They will make up I promise.

All my stories are written for adults with adult themes, I use appropriate tags but read at your discretion.

A/N: I have three chapters of the prequel published on ao3/wattpad. the story kicks off properly in this chapter.

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Hope

By late afternoon the hanger's quiet enough that I can work on my x-wing in peace, which thankfully hasn't been repurposed. Although Mom knows if she ever gave my x-wing to anyone I'd probably blow it up out of spite, and she knows this because I'd threatened as much.

Major Brance ducks in and out of the entrance several times in the hours that pass as I run maintenance, as if ensuring he isn't hallucinating and looking disappointed each time he realises he isn't, speaking with greater levels of panic into his comm each time.

"We had six months of peace after she left and then Dameron was recruited. Now there's two of them," I hear him ranting as he exits the hanger again, thinking I'm out of earshot. "Two of them!"

I can't help but smile to myself a little in intrigue, finding myself growing increasingly curious about this commander who seems to give Brance the same headache as I do. That might just be enough for me to overlook his rank. Almost.

His ship sits on the other side of the hanger, the orange and black paint noticeably standing out from the rest, and I'm chuckling to myself in satisfaction at noticing the paint's been touched up since I called it beaten up. Although now mine is the one that needs a touch up by comparison.

The next time Brance comes in Statura accompanies him and gives me an awkward wave from across the hanger before pulling Brance back out, thankfully that's the last time I see them. 

"Gee R2, you'd think they weren't happy to see me," I remark as I get to work installing the new parts after finishing general maintenance and he beeps at me. "Alright maybe I'm enjoying it a little."

At least my infamy's still feared by high command, even if that doesn't extend to a commander who should very well know exactly who I am. All things considered I should be more concerned by the thought that Mom could arrive here at any moment, but I can put off that anxiety for a little longer. 

My hands are stained with soot and engine oil, but my mind seems to quieten as I tinker. Something I always thought came from my father, until my grandmother's surviving handmaidens told me it also came from my grandfather, among other things. Thankfully with the years I've found some level of acceptance with that fact, even if the memories sharpened with Ben taking the mantle Vader left behind. At least Lando can share my humour at calling him Grandpa Vader even if Mom looked like she wanted to hit me over the head the first time she heard it. And every time afterwards. Turns out dark humour only goes so far.

My mind's focused on the adjustments to the thrusters, transferring over the parts I'd taken off my N-1 at the lakehouse so the modifications are similar, making it far faster than ties and any other navy starfighter. Faster than any other x-wings on base as well. I was tempted to get R2 to pilot the N-1 here for me but considering what I've been using it for I thought it best it stays in storage on Naboo. I'd forgotten how old these x-wings are in comparison to the newer models of ships, my N-1 was average in comparison to the models I grew up flying, but still newer than these. So while some of these parts might be a little overpowered for my neglected x-wing I can make them work, it'll make it highly illegal, but fast. 

Just how I was taught.

At least I don't have to pay to replace the proton torpedo I'd used up now, it might have been a bit overkill considering they're generally used to attack larger capital ships or freighters but I'd always wondered what would happen if I shot them into a bunch of tie-fighters and now I know.

I'm quite content working while talking to R2 until a now slightly familiar voice calls out to me in the empty hanger.

"Need any help up there?"

"No," I answer automatically, too caught up in what I'm doing to take any real notice. R2 chides me for being rude like he isn't worse and I realise Threepio's yet to talk my ear off which means he must be with Mom, wherever she is. "But since you're offering toss me up a wrench will you?"

He chucks it up and I catch it before tightening the last bolt and only then do I recognise the voice. Suppressing a smile I look down and see him standing back, trying to figure out what I'm doing. "Problem? Because I can tell you those parts have too much kick for a T-70."

"That's the point," I reply, swinging my legs over the edge of my ship so I can take him in and find that he immediately recognises me from the stunned look that crosses his face, the look in his eye leaving me pleasantly surprised after all the wary stares of the afternoon. Although I'm more surprised by the immediate effect his face has on me now that I can see it properly. I don't expect to like it as much as I do, pegging him as the type that's ridiculously handsome and knows it, although it's certainly not without reason. "Once I'm done my baby's going to have more engine power than any of the newer models, might need some reinforcements but I'll make it work."

He shakes his head, grinning up at me with white teeth that stand out against the shadow of a beard on his certainly well-chiselled face that reminds me of the statues that adorn Naboo's art museums, but it's his dark eyes that take my attention as he studies the engine and my other modifications, recognising them with equal surprise and respect. "You know those mods are illegal right? The type you can only find in blackmarkets in the Outer Rims."

"I should know since that's where I found them, but considering this is faster than any of the New Republic's ships, and yours, I don't have to worry about that do I?" I smirk a little too proudly and find myself saying. "I see you gave the General my regards."

He looks at my ship and then to his with the slightest jealousy after mine had outrun his in the field and I just smirk to myself from my ship. 

"I did," he says, something about the look in his eye drawing me in. He still doesn't realise I'm her daughter, that much is clear, and so I play coy. "I told you I could put you in touch didn't I? But just a warning, we might be a paramilitary but she doesn't like us breaking too many New Republic regulations."

Oh, he has no idea and I can't help but tease "If you're going to report me for breaking regulations don't bother because she's already given up on me."

"I take it the two of you have some history then?" he gathers and despite the curiosity in his eyes he still doesn't put it together, which means Mom has definitely lied to the Resistance about where I've been for a commander to have no idea who I could be, but I shouldn't expect anything else by now. 

"Let's just say I've done some work for the Resistance, had some disagreements and ended up where you found me," I explain simply, revealing just enough. When I'm used to everyone knowing my name it's almost nice to be a mystery. "So illegal modifications will be the least of her worries."

He makes a surprised sound, running a hand through the almost black curls atop his head. "The General must like you then to let you get away with this type of stuff." He looks me over with slightly nervous eyes before putting on a charming smile. "You must have been stationed on the Raddus because I know I would've definitely remembered meeting you before."

A self-satisfied smile comes to my face at his attempt at flirting and find myself amused, but more surprised by the fact that I don't actually mind it. "I've been on this base far longer than you have commander, you're the one who's new here."

"General recruited me a few months back from the Republic Fleet," he says and my eyes narrow now, wondering how the hell a new recruit could possibly be made a commander when I never was after years of service. But I swear behind his self-confidence there's a sincerity to his words as he says "You know, if you were new to base I was going to offer to show you around."

"Really?" I say, leaning forward from the edge of my ship in intrigue, giving him my full attention as I look him up and down. Somehow only finding more things to like much to my own surprise considering I've never been the type to be partial to a flyboy, or much to men in general.

"What can I say?" he shrugs but the look in his eyes is a little less carefree than what he's trying to portray as he returns the gesture, tongue running over the seam of his lips as he takes me in. Leaving his intentions maybe a little less innocent than his sincerity. "You're a hell of a pilot, one of the best I've ever seen. You left an impression to say the least."

I can't help but feel warmth come to my face at the look in his eyes that I've never quite seen in anyone else's and turn my head, not knowing whether to be frustrated he's actually having an effect on me or flattered I have a commander standing here flirting with me, but I do like the attention. As for flattery well... that's something I've always received little of.

So maybe I'm being a little bit of an asshole, but I genuinely don't know how to do anything but rebuff him considering it's second nature by now. "What was your name again?"

I remember it, but I want to see how he reacts to his ego being bruised. Somehow he's not put off and just challenges "You know now I think of it you still haven't given me yours."

Wanting to get a little closer I hop down from my ship to find that he has half a foot on me, maybe a little more although it's not exactly hard when I inherited my mother's height. His face is closer now and somehow even more striking up close much to my frustration, a problem I've never had before or at least not to this degree. The sudden proximity leaves me a little more bashful than I'd anticipated but I may as well enjoy the moment considering it'll be over once he learns my name, for a multitude of reasons.

"You can call me Captain," I state. I might have had that title stripped away with every other privilege I had when I was grounded but if she wants me back she's going to have to make compromises.

"Captain?" he repeats back in surprise but respects it. "Alright Captain..." he trails off for a moment, considering his options but inevitably deciding to go with one of the riskier ones. "How long have you been away from base for?"

"Almost a year," I answer, curious to see if that leads him down any trail of thought but he doesn't seem to be using his head to think, although unfortunately for me that face makes up for it. He's older, late twenties,  a man who clearly takes pride in his appearance judging by his hair. Again, he has good reason too and even more unfortunately I'm too susceptible to that damn face. 

"Then let me give you a tour of the new and improved facilities," he begins before changing tactics, his voice deepening slightly as he leans closer. "Or I could take you out to a spot just outside base with a clear view of a constellation I think you'd like, and maybe by the time we make our way back you'll like me enough to be on a first name basis." His eyes are kind, but there's a mischief behind them that draws me right in. "If that's alright with you?"

It takes me a moment to register what he's saying let alone asking, and when I do I'm convinced that surely I've misheard him or definitely misinterpreted his words. But his interest is something I definitely I haven't misread, intentions are another matter, but this... this was the last thing I'd prepared myself for when I returned to base. I've had passes made at me sure, but certainly never this.

It leaves me speechless for a moment longer than I'd like, but I manage to quickly regain myself and my dignity. I've been back here for five minutes and I'm blushing over some flyboy's pickup line, a flyboy who holds the rank I'd sought for longer than he's been a part of the Resistance. 

Oh no this, whatever it is I'm feeling, this won't do.

"Alright commander," I say, making sure whatever happens next is on my terms. "I'll consider it, but first how about you show me what you've got and finish what we started in the field."

"What I've got?" he repeats as I look at the x-wings. "Sweetheart you're speaking to one of the best pilots in the galaxy."

"Sweetheart?" I repeat and actually laugh knowing it didn't end well for the last guy that tried to call me that, and he momentarily panics before seeing the glint in my eye, only more determined to put him in his place before I can consider maybe, just maybe, taking him up on his offer. "Alright then flyboy, get that ass in an x-wing and prove it."

He's tempted, tongue running across the seam of his lips as he leans down and crosses his arms over his chest. "As much as I'd love to do that, I don't want to get put on probation in my first few months and neither should you."

I whistle, taking pleasure in taunting him. "I got the big ego part right but I didn't take you for a pussy."

Now I've got him. "Oh no, I'm not a pussy."

I look down at his astromech who beeps at him knowing it's a bad idea, just as R2 gives me a beep of warning to not get myself in trouble but I've already made up my mind and so I look back up at him with a raised eyebrow. "Really?"

His dark eyes are locked onto mine with determination and I find a spark in them that's the same as mine. "Really."

Knowing I must have some effect on him I tilt my chin up, smirking as I challenge "Prove it."

I must look like a hot mess after hours of maintenance with my braid falling out and the top of my white blouse unbuttoned and stained with oil, my body's covered in engine grease wiped off my palms and smells like it, but he seems to like that.

And I definitely like his face.

Maybe I was right in coming back to base after all.

"Alright," he agrees, physically closer than I've let anyone come to me in a long time. "But you'll lose."

"Fifty credits," I bet knowing I've certainly returned a lot richer from my exploits, even if most of it's gone into my ship and weapons, and he doubles it.

"Hundred."

"One fifty," I challenge to raise the stakes and see that same restless excitement in his eyes. Pilots, people who live on risks and rushes of adrenaline, they're a disaster waiting to happen when it comes to gambling. "You on?"

"How about this, I win and you let me show you around base," he says, the glint in his eye proving to me he might be more of a worthy opponent than I'd originally taken him for. "You win and you're the one who gets to show me around."

He knows he's got me there, and I'm shaking my head with a stupid smile on my face knowing it too. It's a win-win situation for him although I'm curious to see if it would be the same for me, silently cursing how something in his eyes makes me electric. He might be a flyboy but he's one smooth bastard and I've got to get him back. "Alright then hotshot, first one to circumnavigate the planet's atmosphere and land back here wins."

"Atmosphere?" he repeats, knowing atmospheric flying in one of the more dangerous thrills a pilot could partake in, but he only grins back at me with that spark in his eye. "You're on."

"Let's see what you've got then commander," I say, waiting for him to realise he's screwed with the work I've done on my ship but again, he's thinking with anything but his head, and I tease "Then we'll see about me showing you around."

I'm not the only one with a stupid smile on my face and his eyes follow me as I walk back to my ship. Maybe I'm guilty when it comes to liking the attention, I've had my fair share of it not that I've ever entertained it, but none have ever looked like him or had that spark in their eye. I go to pull the ladder over, considering using the force to leap up might give him a little bit of a shock, and hear him call out "Need a foot up?"

"Piss off," I laugh and he flashes a teasing grin at me that only feeds my own determination. "You know you're going to lose right?"

"Don't worry I'll go easy," he promises as if he's doing me a favour.

I raise an eyebrow, not afraid to pull a dirty card to throw him off his game. "Because I'm a girl?"

"Oh no, no, no," he quickly corrects with a nervous laugh, his momentary panic only confirming that he isn't that type of flyboy. There shouldn't be any of them on base considering who the General is but you never know, I mean she did marry one after all. But still, I find an awful amusement in how quickly he refutes it. "Women are just as capable in a cockpit I can promise you that, but as damn good as you are you haven't seen me in action yet."

"Because I'd taken care of all the action before your slow ass ship could get there," I reply and he's all the more ready to try to show me up and my ego meets his as I smirk. "Don't worry I'll go easy."

The droids beep at each other in question as to whether or not they should get involved as he takes on the challenge, jumping up into his x-wing and I climb into mine, only for another ship to suddenly appear in the atmosphere as our droids get into their respective astromech ports. I blink in confusion at the ship, only to sense her before I begin to register who the ship belongs to. "Shit."

He looks at me as to ask if I'm ready to take off and he flashes a confused look as I give him the fall back gesture and shrink back into the cockpit as the ship lands, seeing the same look of panic on his face when he realises who's caught us.

I'm wearing a guilty smile as Mom comes out of the ship, walking with purpose but stopping in her tracks the moment she senses me, whatever emotion fills her face is quickly replaced with exasperation as she looks up at me, and then to the commander, shaking her head at us both.

"Get out of those x-wings."

The commander panics as we both climb out of the x-wings and I come to stand in front of Mom for the first time in almost a year. She wears the familiar expression of frustration, but thankfully I still see the fondness amongst it. I open my mouth but find myself lost for words as I suddenly clam up. 

"General," Poe stammers beside me. "I was just-"

"I'm not blaming you, Commander," she sighs and turns her head towards me. "I know my daughter has a habit of causing trouble."

He does a double take, one I've seen often when the men on base have realised they've attempted to chat up the General's daughter. Although none have admittedly been as successful as him. "Daughter?"

Mom just gives a slight shake of her head as she sighs, as if she hadn't expected anything else. "Commander Dameron meet-"

"Hope Solo," I say shaking his limp hand, he's stunned as I meet his eye and for just a moment I see the faintest flicker of recognition amongst the pure mortification. "General's daughter."

"Unfortunately for my sanity," Mom remarks and shakes her head at me as Brance rushes into the hanger to meet her only to go unignored as she asks "Did you seriously try to drag my newest commander into an x-wing race?"

Brance looks between the commander and I at those words and suddenly seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown as he marches back out of the hanger as quickly as he came. Again, Mom looks as if she hadn't expected anything else.

"Maybe," I admit as Poe scratches his head, clearly more than a little blindsided. She looks at my x-wing, mechanically literate enough to realise the parts I've put in aren't cheap or legal and I try to smile and exploit the big eyes that seem to work on everyone else but her. "Miss me?"

She raises her eyebrows in warning and I quickly shut up.

"Commander, considering you've already become acquainted with my daughter you can be gracious enough to escort her to intelligence where she will hand over the information she has on the First Order outpost she destroyed before Snap could gather data on it," she says, barely reigning in her frustration with me but it's the disappointment in her voice that stings. "Then you'll meet me in my office, Hope."

"Yes General," we both say in unison and she shakes her head as walks past out of the hanger, leaving the commander and I standing there in shared awkwardness. While I feel guilty he's purely mortified, and I actually feel slightly bad now.

It's silent until he breaks it. "I'd say you were trying to set me up if she wasn't so happy to see you."

"Yeah," I say, his sarcasm being nothing but truthful. "Won't lie, I was hoping for a warmer welcome back but it could have been worse."

He looks at me now with his own eyebrows raised, standing there in a state of barely constrained panic. "It could have been worse? Worse for you you mean?"

I look at him in surprise. "A flyboy who actually cares what his commanding officers think of him, how rare."

"When my commanding officers are war heroes, yeah I care," he says defensively, incredulous that I don't share that sentiment. The tension between us is just as thick as it was moments ago but different now.

"Well commander, you'll come to learn your heroes are quite human," I assure him, knowing how every person on base reveres my mother, which is fair as she deserves every bit of it, but their reverence for Luke and my father is less justifiable. "Legends are often disappointing."

If I'm the last hope for my family then I'm only proof of that.

He looks at me now how they all do when I don't live up to the expectations they have of their heroes, little do they know their own heroes don't even live up to them.

But my own reputation? Well I can certainly live up to that.

He takes me in more carefully now, with equal caution and curiosity, but also with the slightest bit of wonder in his eye as he says "So, you're Hope Solo."

"That's me," I say, shrugging my shoulders despite knowing the weight my name carries. "Am I missing some grand reputation I'm meant to be living up to?"

From the way he stammers I know I am and it usually falls into two categories, a Jedi or a political scandal. My reputation as a pilot clearly isn't as prominent as I'd like it to be despite my stint as a racer.

"Well," he begins and I can tell he's not quite sure what to make of me. "I- you aren't what I expected."

I'm intrigued now as I take him in, sensing nerves beneath that cocky exterior. "And what did you expect?"

I don't miss the way his eyes skim over me and so I return the favour, somehow still quite liking what I see despite his fleeting defensiveness. "Well-" he coughs to try to cover himself. "Not you."

That's an answer I don't quite mind and I laugh under my breath. "Acceptable."

"So," he continues, keeping a respectable distance from me as we continue through the base, suddenly taking a very different approach towards me now he knows I'm the General's daughter. A fact that inevitably scares off anyone who looks at me how he did, although I can't quite say anyone has, not like that at least. "How did the General's daughter end up rogue in the Outer Rims?"

"That's quite the story," I say, realising what I did must have stayed classified outside of high command. "And not a pretty one."

"Alright," he says, he doesn't push but asks "So what did you do here before that?"

That's the question.

"Well I'm the General's daughter," I say, repeating what everyone else does with some embellishments. "Best damn pilot here, but considering I prefer blasters to negotiating they tend to keep me out of the loop."

He raises an eyebrow, a glint of almost childlike excitement in his eye as he asks "Not a lightsaber?"

And there's that one final legacy that Luke left me when he went into exile, that of the last Jedi. When the news of the temple's destruction broke they all looked to the supposed sole survivor for answers, but some looked at me as a suspect. The Jedi Killers grandaughter being the only survivor of a fire that killed all of the Jedi... that's one other legacy I've been left with.

But he only looks at me with an awestruck curiosity, not too dissimilar to how I'd look at Luke and the other students before I'd started my training, back when the Jedi were still mysterious to me. I can't quite remember anyone looking at me that way however, not until now. 

"Oh I've got my lightsaber but I've been frequently reminded that it isn't a good look for the Resistance to use it for combat," I explain as we walk through the hanger towards intelligence, not quite sure why I'm still speaking to him when I'm about to get torn to shreds by my own mother but he's listening and perhaps I don't mind the sound of his voice. "And then there's the fact we aren't meant to engage the enemy first."

"That's a big one," he says keeping his tone light, playful even, but I can feel a mutual frustration there. "Something tells me that's part of it?"

"I might have gotten a bit carried away once or twice," I admit, something tells me with an ego like his he has as well, but not to the severity I did. "But there's nothing like practice."

He meets me in the middle there. "As frustrating as it is not being able to engage the Resistance is better when it comes to action than the Navy, I can promise you that."

"Yes but be warned commander, a little too much action and you'll get yourself grounded," I say with a bitter edge to my voice. "I would know."

"Too much action or insubordination?" he asks in amusement and if his face wasn't enough to take a liking to him that's sealed it. 

"Well there's no point committing insubordination if there's no action," I remark and he laughs, something tells me he's no stranger to it either.

"I like the way you think but I'm glad I'm not your commander."

"I prefer to work alone so rest assured you won't have to deal with me," I say as we reach intelligence but something in his eyes tempts me against my better judgement, strikes a boldness in me I had never quite realised was there until now. "Unless you want to?"

But as expected he's suddenly hesitant. It's typically seen as disrespectful to even look at your superior's daughter that way and well no one wants to disrespect the general, but it's a little late for him to pretend like he wasn't quite interested just a few minutes ago.

He quickly becomes nervous, trying to laugh it off before not so subtly changing the subject. "So uh- I guess I will be then if you're going to be flying?"

"I will be," I state as he clams up, putting on his friendliest face and the gives me an awkward thumbs up of all things before guiding me inside the command centre. Usually I wouldn't care, usually I'd laugh when I'd watch them suddenly clam up, but it seems this one's left an impression, for better or for worse. 

Brance stands there as we enter the room and hesitates at the sight of us. "The General said you had some reconnaissance data about First Order patrols?" he swallows and I can't recall what I did to make him like this, but he's in charge of intelligence. He knows exactly what I've been doing. "Around Tatooine I presume?"

There's judgment in his voice upon mentioning Tatooine, but Brance's judgment's only a fraction of what I'm about to get from Mom. 

"Well, I don't exactly have it," I say looking at R2 but he's hardly been collecting any. "I saw an outpost and I blew it up, twenty four tie's in total including the ones this commander saw me take down, three squadrons, not much else to say." I turn to the commander now, since these patrols should be his area of jurisdiction, but mostly because I don't like to walk away without the last word. "But if you'd like a report on all the First Order outposts I've cleared in the outer rims you can come and find me."

Poe stops and blinks at me in slight alarm. "Cleared?"

"Cleared," I confirm and leave him to put together what I mean as I dismiss myself with a sly smile. "Commander." I nod my head to Brance who's turned pale. "Major."

Both their eyes follow me as I leave the room, forcing myself to keep a straight face as I willingly send myself to the interrogation chamber.

~

The encounter still plays on my mind as I wait to speak with Mom, it's almost a welcome distraction from what's waiting for me. But it's hard not to dwell when it's left a bitter taste in my mouth. 

I'd once joked to Lando that no one would be brave enough to take a chance on me with who my family is, little did I know then just how true it would be, and that was before the entire galaxy found out I'm the heir of Darth Vader himself. In the public's eyes Mom was never a Jedi, she as far as they know can't wield the force. They could throw every accusation of treason and conspiracy against her but that, the claims of being a danger to society because of our blood was reserved for me and Luke and Ben. 

Not to mention I've become the sister of a pretender. 

But he's not the one accused of being the Jedi Killer, how can he be when much like Anakin Skywalker the galaxy believes he died with the rest of the Jedi. Like Luke he left me to bear those accusations alone. To carry this name that's only gotten heavier with each passing day. 

But for a moment I liked being a mystery, and I liked it even more when he still looked at me with awe instead of apprehension after learning my name. Poe Dameron. I hate to say it but unlike the other flyboys that come through here I actually like this one.

Wait.

"Are you fucking serious," I whisper under my breath in irony into the empty space of Mom's office and remember where I've heard his name.

It was just days before everything went to hell. I'd travelled to Theron to be with Dad after I'd gotten myself expelled from university after a rather dramatic display that I'm still quite proud of. Lando and I sat watching the Five Saber's races when a man had caught my attention in the stands below, or if memory serves me the force had drawn my attention to him. Not that it would have mattered to Lando, all Lando saw was his niece staring at some guy.

"Oh no, now I know for a fact pretty boy down there's too old for you," Lando had laughed.

I'd just reminded him about how much older Dad was than Mom when they met and he laughed with me while trying to hush me. I don't know how the conversation had descended into what it had, with me expressing to him my juvenile worries no one would ever want to take a chance on me with who I was. Perhaps now I don't care about something as silly as love, I've experienced enough of it to know how it ends, but back then I did, what sixteen year old doesn't? He tried to ease my worries, giving me the sort of pep talk only an uncle can give, Mom had echoed similar statements not long after but Lando's words stuck with me over the years.

I'd thought that had been the end of it until I'd sat in the cantina as Lando went to the bar and I watched the same man introduce himself. Growing up with war heroes for parents, especially Han Solo, I was never a stranger to having aspiring pilots wanting to meet their heroes and so I'd watched from a distance as they spoke, happily out of sight.

"General Calrissian," Poe Dameron had said shaking his hand. "It's an honour."

"General?" I heard Lando repeat in amusement. "No one's called me that in a long time."

"You fought with my parents on Endor," he'd said and I'd been slightly more interested.

"Wait don't tell me, I know that face," Lando had said and laughed in realisation. "You're Kes and Shara's boy aren't you?"

He'd given his name "Poe Dameron."

I'd recognised his parents names, particularly his mother's since she'd defended Naboo during Operation Cinder. More than anything I just remember being confused by the strange nagging I felt, almost as if I knew him, or rather that I would know him. It seems my intuition was correct.

All things considered, that day is something I'd all but forgotten about until now and it leaves me unsettled. Nothing good ever comes when the force starts throwing these coincidences at me, or rather as it seems wrapping up loose ends. There was more to the conversation I struggle to recall, conversations about the navy and whatnot, but I do remember them talking about his mother. 

As an aspiring pilot I'd taken an interest in the women who flew such as her and Hera Syndulla. Dad would often feign offence when I'd beg Mom to be able to come with her to meetings with General Syndulla since they'd had a friendly rivalry back in the day. Although Hera never abandoned her kid despite him being force sensitive so I know who I like more. Wherever he is I'm sure he's glad he was grown up by the time Luke began taking students, with Ben's age group having been the oldest ones he trained. The youngest however... that still pains me to think about. 

I'd disappeared before Lando could introduce us, so at least some of my anonymity remains intact. While I'm vaguely familiar with him, all he knows of me would be reputation and that's how I prefer to be known. 

Although the force isn't finished with me yet, the lingering tension from the last time I sat in this office still remains, bringing back other more uncomfortable memories.

"What do you mean I'm grounded!" I raged at her after coming back from what I thought was a successful mission. "I did everything you asked me to-"

"I sent you to run reconnaissance not to engage!" she yelled, as beside herself with anger as I'd ever seen her. "Instead you used the force to interrogate an officer and not just that, you engaged an entire squadron of stormtroopers with a lightsaber-"

"And I took them out!" I reminded her, proud of my accomplishment even if she was horrified, or at least proud in the moment. 

"And potentially started a war!" she snapped and slammed her hand down on the table. "What is the one rule I ask you to follow, the only damn rule that matters!"

Still I didn't care. "How are we meant to stop them if we can't fight them-"

"We stop them through these missions you think are pointless, through collecting data and using it to secure whatever funding we can get from the very few allies we have in the senate," she tried to make me understand and she grit out "Hope, we do not have the numbers or the facilities to enter into a war. The Rebellion was thousands strong, we have less than a hundred and the Resistance cannot afford to lose the only Jedi we have because she decided to go rogue and take matters into her own hands with the very weapon that should never be used for such violence."

Those words rubbed me the wrong way "So that's my role, the one symbolic Jedi. Not a pilot, not a fighter, not even your daughter-"

"Don't go there," she warned, the mother-daughter relationship we'd finally forged during the scandal with Vader having worn away with every disagreement over strategy. "I am speaking to you as your general, not your mother, and it's time you learned the difference. Which is why you aren't just stripped of your rank, you are grounded until you can pull your head in and not endanger this entire resistance on a whim. You tortured a man Hope." The way she looked at me made me sick. "You used the force to torture a man like-" she cut herself off but we both knew damn well who she was comparing me to. "For someone who can see the past you sure as hell don't know how to learn from it."

"He mentioned Ben," I ground out and she couldn't meet my eye. "He's calling himself Kylo Ren and has made himself the First Order's enforcer. Did you think I was going to let that officer go without finding out everything I could about what my brothers been doing!"

"I'm more concerned about what you've done," she said, terribly pale. "Saving those children at whatever cost, that I could excuse, that I would have even promoted you for. But the carnage you left behind and giving the First Order grounds to attack us I can't excuse. Using the force for that- as the last person with any authority to tell you how the force should be used... I am disgusted Hope."

But not as disgusted as I was at what I'd seen. "He was dragging children screaming from their homes-"

"And what intelligence did you torture out of him?" she asks me and that's when I clamped my mouth shut. "You could have asked where they were to be taken, how many, where their battalion is stationed, but no. You weren't just reckless you were selfish. If you were going to take your anger out regardless you could have given us something useful instead of chasing after Snoke. Tell me how did you rationalise the thought that a low ranking officer would know where either of them are?" I opened my mouth but she cut me off sharply. "Every single member of high command across all of our stations has petitioned for your demotion and an official court martial which has never happened before in the entirety of this organisation. They want you not just grounded permanently but banned from any Resistance operations and frankly I agree."

I gaped at her, betrayed. Command could believe whatever they wanted, but this was my own mother. "You think I'm dangerous?"

"I think you have been nothing but angry and spiteful these past years," she confessed to me as I stood there with tears burning in my eyes. "I understand you went through something horrific, I understand why you're acting out, but right now I can't trust that-"

"I won't end up like Ben?" She still couldn't meet my eye and I felt more betrayed by her in that moment than I ever did when I discovered the truth about Vader. "You think I'm like him?" But I knew there was something else. "No, you don't think I'm like Ben. You think I'm like him. Your father."

There was a bite to her voice. "Don't call him my father and don't you dare think for even a moment I would believe you could become what he did."

"Then why?" I whispered, tears of anger wetting my cheeks. "Why don't you trust me?"

"Because as of this moment you are too unstable to be trusted with important missions, or any mission for that matter," she said carefully, but the words hurt just as much. "I can't protect you from the law if you decide to let darkness take control, which is why you have to work where I can keep an eye on you. I want you to go to Hosnian Prime to work with the few allies we have left in the senate, Varish will look after you. You spent years being educated for a career in politics and I gave you your title so you could take my place in the senate. If I can't trust you in the field then that is your assignment."

I shook my head. "No." She was leaning over her desk, head hung in distress. "If you won't let me fight then I'm not staying here."

"Hope," she argued. "Please for once in your life think before storming out."

"I have," I said. "If you don't trust me then I'm going to find the one person who does." She looked up in fear, and I knew what she assumed. "Not him, Dad."

She sighed. "Honey, your father-"

"Is out there," I said, tired of failing to live up to her expectations. "And if I'm too much like him for you, or any other man in this damn family, then I'm going to find him!"

I'd stormed out with hot tears running down my cheeks, now I sit here cold as she enters the room and sits down across from me without a word, neither of us knowing what to say until I break the silence.

"Am I being court-martialed?"

"No," she answers shortly, her voice difficult to read.

"Lando convinced me to come home," I say, unable to calm the defensive tone in my voice. "I was hoping for a warmer welcome considering the speech he gave about how much you've missed me, how worried you've been."

"I was worried," she says, struggling to hold back her frustration. "I was worried sick that you were hurt or out of your mind but no, I find you the same as ever going off to race x-wings whilst I've been in the core worlds doing the job I'd asked you to do." I just shake my head to try to fight off the guilt and look away until she relents and asks "Did you find Han?"

"No, but Lando will keep looking," I answer stiffly and get to business. "He said you had a mission for me."

She nods, but if I thought she was going to let the past be the past I was wrong. "We will get to that, but now enough time has passed I hope we can speak honestly now about what happened so let me begin by saying what you did horrified me Hope. My barely nineteen year old daughter torturing an enemy officer and committing a massacre beyond what was necessary to protect those children. Even after they were off the planet you went back to finish the job to ensure there was no one living to testify to what you did. You committed a war crime, several I might add."

Against my better judgement I retort. "Legally it's not a war crime if we aren't technically at war."

She shakes her head, having not expected any different. "A cold war is still a war and it's only getting worse."

"Which is why-"

"Why you've been hunting the First Order for sport?" she finishes and I'm glad Snap gave me a warning. "Commander Dameron told me all about your encounter before you decided to come back and try to- what- what the hell were you even doing?"

I put it simply. "Trying to prove a point."

She just sighs and puts her head in her hands. "Hope you've been back five minutes and you're already giving me a headache."

"You asked me to come back," I remind her, wishing I'd stayed gone. "Sent Lando to beg me to come back-"

"Yes because you're my daughter and I love you despite how infuriatingly stupid you've been," she says bluntly and pure anger suddenly fills her eyes. "Working for Boba Fett?"

Shit.

Despite my panic I hold my ground. "He pays well."

"He pays well?" she repeats. "I should think so considering the money he got from giving your father over to Jabba the Hutt."

"Well that's his own fault for making shitty deals and not following through," I say, knowing well enough by now how it works. "You say I don't learn from the past but he's the one repeating it."

"And you should be smarter than to get into the same mess for the sake of spiting him," she lectures. "Because that's why you did it in the first place isn't it? To spite your father and when he didn't come back to drag you off Tatooine you decided to take the credits and take your anger out on tie fighters."

I remain unremorseful. "Would you rather me use a lightsaber?"

I'd almost forgotten that like myself, she gives as good as she gets but it's a comparison that doesn't phase me anymore. "Like Vader did?"

"I was once told Anakin Skywalker was a war criminal," I say, remembering that history lesson on the Clone Wars after years of Luke making our grandfather out to be the ultimate hero in Ben's eyes. "It only seems right I continue his legacy."

She does not like that answer. "Alright then I was wrong, you haven't matured enough to take on this mission."

She gets up to leave and I relent "Wait, Mom." She looks at me expectantly and we've been through this enough times I know what she wants to hear. "I'm sorry."

She still waits. "For?"

"For being a smartass about committing a war crime, no matter how justified it was, and running away for a year," I say and watch her inhale deeply to keep herself calm. "And for being a smartass now."

She sits back down and leans back in her chair. "A year Hope. I would have thought being gone that long running around the Outer Rims would have matured you at least slightly."

I actually scoff. "You really thought that after being married to Dad?"

"For one single minute can you not be a smartass," she pleads and raises her index finger. "Just one."

I wisely keep my mouth shut and nod, knowing it won't last.

"Long enough has passed I believe I can convince command you've grown up and have seen the error of your mistakes," she begins, moving to negotiations. "Now we both know that's a load of crap but if you want to get back in the field they need to believe it. I might be the General but there is only so much I can do to help you because I can't be seen giving my daughter or any member of this Resistance special treatment. While you've been gone I've done my best to try to rebuild your reputation for the day you inevitably came back, most of the base believes you've been studying politics on Naboo and completing your education."

I scoff in offence and suddenly it all makes sense why a commander would see someone pull off what I did and never even think of my name. "That's the best lie you could come up with, that I willingly went back to university after they expelled me for arguing with that old Imperial bitch?"

"Yes," she states and my frustration only grows, that I'm only known as the spoiled princess sent off to Naboo instead of what I've worked hard to become.

"So you discredit the fact I'm the best pilot in the Resistance so everyone believes I'm just some spoiled princess playing politics at some prissy university to the point your shiny new flyboy can't even realise who I must be and thinks he's actually better than I am?" Her eyebrows shoot up at that remark. "That's your solution to rebuilding my reputation? By utterly falsifying it and discrediting the one thing I've worked hard to be." I stick a finger into my chest as I grit out "I started flying when I was a child, I begged and pleaded to join the starfighter corps when I was just twelve years old and have spent my entire life working damn hard to be the pilot that I am. It's bad enough everyone just dismisses me as being Han Solo's daughter when I'm a better pilot than he ever was, but for no one to even recognise me as a pilot and just think I'm off prancing around Naboo-" I have to cut myself short. "How could you do that?"

She sees I'm genuinely hurt but remains firm in her decision. "How do you think they'd take it if I said you were running around with pirates and hunting the First Order on some mad vendetta?" 

"They'd think I was actually doing something worthwhile," I say and she blinks at me incredulously. "You might think I've been acting like an idiot but I've been smart about it."

She's unimpressed and bites back. "Words right out of your father's mouth."

"I made sure even if people pieced together I was the one in that starfighter they couldn't do anything about it because I was being legally contracted to defend a system from an unwelcome force, hell I had an invitation to the bounty hunters guild that I didn't accept because I knew it would be a bad look for the Resistance and for you. But I've been damn good at what I've been doing and I'm not going to apologise for it."

"Congratulations," she deadpans. "In trying to piss off your father you've become him, running away from your family for the thrill of making credits and blowing things up."

That finally shuts me up, Vader I can take being compared to, but not him. Not when I know she looks at me and sees him more than anyone else. She suddenly looks remorseful and reaches for my hand.

"Hope, you are my daughter and I love you more than you could ever know," she says and I wasn't prepared for those words, looking away as I force back tears. "But you need to realise your actions have consequences, if your father's situation isn't evidence of that I don't know what is. Luck inevitably runs out."

"It hasn't for you."

Her eyes are sad. "It ran out a long time ago, but yours hasn't. Not yet." I don't expect the ache when she reaches for my face and forcing back tears has not felt this hard in a long time. "You've grown up."

"Yeah well, that happens," I say curtly and she withdraws her hand. "I know you think I ran off like Dad did but you didn't give me a choice."

"You had a choice and you made it," she says gently, the love in her voice only making it worse. "But now I need you to own up to it and make better ones."

"If you want me to be ashamed of what I've done and apologise for it I won't," I say and finally she listens. "I did make my choices, and don't think I wouldn't make them again."

"Alright," she says upon seeing this won't go the way she wants. "Do you want to hear the truth?"

Believing there's nothing left she could say to hurt me I shrug. "Shoot."

"I never believed it when I was told the Skywalker blood ran strong in you, but I should have. When Sola and my mother's handmaidens told me you reminded them of my father I didn't listen. When Luke warned me dark things would come of your training I should have listened but I didn't and you were nearly killed as a consequence."

"Mom-" I immediately whisper at her blaming herself.

"I knew something was wrong between you and Ben, I knew something was wrong with him, but I sent you back to Ossus with him regardless," she says as if Ben gave her a choice in the matter. He'd taken me as his apprentice, and his eyes his authority overuled our own mother's. "Days later everything was gone. Ben, Luke, eventually Han. Everything was lost in that fire except for you." Her voice breaks. "I have tried in every way I know how to help you Hope, but you aren't helping me. It is a fact that you share many similarities with your grandfather, more than Ben ever did. Everyone who's ever lived to know both of you has said as much. I am aware of the darkness that's clung to you ever since you discovered what he became and I want to help you Hope, but I need you to let me."

My throat's tight. I've always shrugged off the comparisons, but they've never come so strongly from my own mother, the one person in the galaxy who has the most cause to despise him. Yet in my travels I've only found more people who've confirmed what I've tried to deny for years. "So that's why you can't stand me, because I take after him?"

She shakes her head in disbelief that that's the conclusion I'd come to, voice incredulous as she whispers "No, Hope that's not what I'm trying to tell you."

"Do you have any idea how long I spent trying to live up to you?" I ask her, remembering now just why I ran. "Trying to live up to a perfect hero but no matter how hard I try I'm told time and time again that I'm my father's daughter, or worse that I take after Anakin Skywalker. Never you, never Padmé Amidala, only ever them." Frustrated tears burn in my eyes that she truly can't fathom. "I don't want to hear that, I don't want to live up to anyone's legacy. I've spent years training to make my own path, I've spent another year out there in the Outer Rims not even recognising myself in the mirror trying to make a name for myself just to have all these powerful people look at me and tell me I'm just like a man I never knew. Desperate for validation, living up to a self-imposed prophecy, the one to restore balance and save us all only to lead the slaughter. Or worse that I'm like the father who abandoned me."

She quickly becomes unnerved at the cynical laughter that escapes me along with the tears. "Hope-"

"I don't want that, I just want my family but I can't have that," I say with a barely contained primordial rage burning in me. "All because of a voice in Ben's head." She's deadly quiet as I finally look her in the eye. "So if killing stormtroopers is as close as I can get to killing Snoke then that's what I'm going to do."

For the first time I sense a deep fear within her and she again reaches for my hand only for me to sharply pull it away. "I need you to listen to me."

"No!" I yell, a trembling mess as I slam my hand down on the desk. "I need you to listen to me when I say that if I can get my hands on Snoke I can end this! Or if I can just find Ben I know I could bring him back or convince him to turn on Snoke, but to do that I need to get my hands on these First Order officers and-"

"And you'll what, torture information out of them?"

The answer's simple in my mind. "Why not?"

"Because it's torture hope!" she yells. "For the love of-, you are not going to be torturing anyone for information. I know how much you loved your brother, I know how close you were and you are not the only one who wants him back." There's tears in both our eyes now. "But you are simply not prepared to take on Snoke."

"Luke took on the Emperor didn't he?" I retort. "He convinced Vader to turn on him and so will Ben. I know him better than you ever did Mom as much as you hate to hear that. I know he was screwed in the head and delusional, hell I know that better than you ever could and I have permanent scars to remind me of it every day!" There's nothing but pain in her eyes. "But everything he did was to protect me as twisted as it was and he would never let Snoke do to me what he's done to him. I know if I bring him back we will destroy Snoke."

She tries to steer me away from the subject, to de-escalate, to distract me from the spiral I'm heading down. "Someday yes, but for now I need you focused on proving to the senate what the First Order is truly doing so we can prepare. I promise you the day will come when you can use your saber but until then we need to build up the Resistance before starting a war we can't win and you are only one person. We need the support of the New Republic and the senate-"

"When are you going to realise we need to damn what the senate says and go after them ourselves?" I exclaim and it's then I fess up. "Do you have any idea how many of those bastards I've killed before they could gain a foothold in the Outer Rims?" Her face turns to stone. "How many outposts I've destroyed-"

"I don't want to know," she says hoarsely. "I don't want to know how many people you've killed or how many outposts you've blown up. I just want you to do what I'm asking you to do."

"What are you so afraid of?" I ask her at a complete loss. "I am capable-"

"You are too capable and you know it which makes you dangerous," she states factually and years worth of anger finally comes out. "You think you're smarter than everyone else in the room, but you're not. You think you are better and that you know better but you don't and it's past time you heard it. You don't do what is asked of you, you either go too far or disobey. You have always been all or nothing Hope. You run away for a year and now come back asking for me to trust you but I can't. You're impulsive and rash and not in the way we need. You don't think before acting and still refuse to do what is asked of you. You always have and I had hoped you could be mature enough to sit down so we could both apologise and move forward so I could give you this very important mission but no, you're too defensive and too defiant to even listen to me without interpreting me trying to get through to you as an attack!" Her voice breaks and for one of the very few times in my life I see tears running down her face. Three times I've seen it, but never solely because of me. "I love you, but I cannot trust you when you're like this."

Her words hurt, they're true, but they still hurt.

No, they don't just hurt, they tear me apart and I've never craved to be back in my bedroom on Hosnian Prime so badly. Back when I was still a child, back when I was still young enough if I cried I knew someone would come to comfort me, whether it was her or Dad, or most often Ben. Back before everything went to hell, and I can't stop the tears from coming now.

She goes to take my hand again but I pull it away, shaking my head as I stumble back out of my chair away from her, my flight response taking over. "Hope!" she calls out as I head for the door. "Wait-"

I'm already out the door and halfway to the hanger when I slam into Poe Dameron as I round a corner, he catches my arm and goes to ask if I'm alright but I pull it free, not stopping to make conversation as I rush to find R2 so we can leave.

For good this time. 

[sirhyst]

Poe x gn!reader

Reader shows Poe their written piece after months of not writing.

Pronouns used: none

Note: reader is also an artist but has not done written work in awhile. I wanted to do one where the reader is more flirty with Poe but considering the prompt, I’ll keep it simple. I didn’t want to assume what type of art anyone did so just insert whatever type of art you do. Also I’m glad people are enjoying the dad!fukuzawa x child!reader stories 😭

———————————————————————

You and Edgar were both artists. He specialising in writing and you in (art specialty). It had been months since you last attempted to write something and for some reason you felt compelled to try picking up the lone ink pen Edgar left in your shared bedroom.

Something simple, you thought to yourself. To say the time you spent writing flew by was an understatement. Of course you ended up with a short story, but good enough since you partially broke ties with your pen and paper.

You walked towards Edgar’s office door, nervous to show him what you had been working in the past few hours.

Poe sat at his desk, scribbling away whilst mumbling words to add to his current piece. He hadn’t realised that Karl had leapt from his position on his shoulders until he heard scratching at his door.

“Not now Karl,” Poe said with a small smile, “I promise I’ll take you outside in a second.” Karl huffed before continuing to scratch at the large wooden door. Having had enough, Poe glided towards the door opening it to find you there.

You had your back to the door, seeming to be deep in thought whilst holding a few sheets of paper to your chest.

“My river,” Edgar said, nearly making you jump three feet in the air.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” you did looking him in, what you hoped were his eyes, shielded by his brown hair. You outstretched your hand to grab his.

“I tried writing again, and I,” you paused suddenly feeling intimidated by the poet I front of you.

“I was hoping you would read it?” Edgar blushed, he felt honoured by the gesture. He nodded leading you back to his desk. As soon as you sat down, Karl made himself comfortable on your shoulders.

“Let me see,” Edgar held out his hands. You were about to hand him your work, before you quickly retracted the papers.

“If you don’t like it, please don’t tell me,” you said, lowering your head. Edgar placed his hand on his heart making a silent vow. You almost relinquished your papers, when you felt the urge to pull back again. This carries on before you finally gave in, immediately covering your face as it heated up.

The story it self took five minutes to read, but for you it felt like hours, especially since Poe didn’t say a word.

You turned to face him when you heard the papers gently land against the wooden surface.

“That was lovely, I can tell you have the same writing traits as you did since you last wrote something,” he said looking down at his hands.

It was a minor compliment but coming from him, it meant a lot.

Poe’s face grew redder by the second upon seeing the slight curve of your lips at his words.

“Maybe we can write together more,” you said, almost as if you were asking a question. He nodded in response, unable to use his words from how content he was.

You shifted closer to him, slowly inching your arms around his shoulders, before gently pulling him into a hug.

[geo-winchester]

Would you be willing to write the prompt First Snow with Poe Dameron?

THE PERFECT DATE

A/N: hi lovely anon, thank you so much for your request and I’m really sorry it took me a lot of time, I hope you had a great Christmas and I hope you like this and it was what you expect, I’m still taking request so if you or anyone have another request please let me know, lots of love and merry post Christmas!!💙

Christmas celebration

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You met Poe on the resistance, you were one of the pilots that flew by his side, you have to admit that you like him, he wasn’t just the commander of the resistance he was also kind, brave, he cared about everyone and you feel like an idiot every time he smiled at you. After a few months without seeing each other you notice a change in his attitude, at first he tries to ignore you, but after a few days he starts to make any excuse to be around you and you like that. One night as you were getting ready to sleep, you heard someone knocking at your door. You were a little surprised when you saw Poe standing outside, you noticed that he was sweating and trying to catch his breath.

-Poe?- you said -It’s everything ok?- he nodded.

-Yes, I just need to ask you something- he said.

-It couldn’t wait until tomorrow?- he shook his head, you wait a little -so what is it?

-Would you want to have a date with me?

-You could asked me that tomorrow- you said with a smile

-Because I was afraid that I would chicken out tomorrow- you smile before you nod -Great, then let’s go…

-What? Right now?

-Yes, that way you can regret it tomorrow- you giggled.

-At least can I wear something else?- you said as you pointed to your pajamas, you saw him smile before you closed the door.

He took you to the cantina where you had a couple of drinks and talked about everything that came to your mind. You notice him staring at you and try to hide it. You had a great time and the two of you laughed and smiled nervously at each other as you made your way back to the base.

-shit it’s freezing out here- you said -I’m glad I didn’t come in pajamas- he laughed -I don’t feel my fingers.

-Here- he said as he took your hands and blew some air, you blushed when his eyes met your eyes, but the two of you got distracted when you noticed the few snowflakes coming down from the sky, you couldn’t help but giggle -Have I told you that this is my favorite time of the year- he shook his head -everything seem magical, the lights, all the problems seem small, and the snow… it makes everything perfect… It makes this a perfect date.

-You look beautiful in the snow- he said, making you blush.

-Can I ask you something?-he nod -If you want to have a date with me, why did you ignore me when I came back?- he sighed.

-I know it’s stupid, but I didn’t screw up our friendship- he said -I like spending time with you and when I realized that I was in love with you, I tried to hide it…

-And what changed?- he giggled.

-I don’t know why, today I started to think about my future, what would I do when the war was over, maybe I’ll go back to Javin or maybe I’ll stay on the republic or I’ll help training pilots, i wasn’t sure what i was going to do but the only thing I was sure was that I always picture in all my futures- he smile -I don't want to scare you and maybe we won't last or maybe we’re meant to be together but i don't want to spend my life regretting of not saying anything- he got close to you -so what do you say? You want to try this?- you smiled as you nod, when he understood what was happening he took your cheek and kiss you, he felt how you smiled between kisses.

-Shit I always wonder how this will feel…

-And? Does it feel better?

-Yes, definitely better- you said, making him smile.

-Come on, let’s go for some hot coco- you nod, but suddenly you stoped.

-Poe- you said making him turn to you -for the record I´ll never regret saying yes for a date with you- he smiled -and i'm happy that you didn't chicken out asking me… and…

-I know darling- he wink before he gave you a little kiss -I love you.

Xxxxxxx

Tag list: @writefightandflightclub @mariesackler @multifandomlife22 @mattmurdocksscars @phoenixhalliwell @autumnleaves1991-blog @supernovafeather @ofstarsandvibranium @santigarcia @itspdameronthings @ahookedheroespureheart @later-gators12 @22carolina08 @in-between-the-cafes

If you want me to add you to my taglist please let me know🙈

[theood]

Here's my yearly playlist two months into 2024 (Feb.)!

I actually took note of the new songs for this month. I spent more time February listening through band's discography. I learned that, for multiple bands now, I seem to like their older albums more than the newer ones.

While I didn't notice a change in music added to my playlist I feel like I was enjoying sadder and darker songs. (Moody, I was. Am.)

I'm still enjoying Those Poor Bastards. Particularly, No One, which also reminds me of John and Arthur from Malevolent.

At the moment, I'm working through Harley Poe's discography. And I am thoroughly enjoying his older stuff more than the newer albums. The last one I listened to I don't think I enjoyed a single one? I would need to look back at my liked songs to double check that.

The other new song to be added to this playlist was Blink-182's What's My Age Again. Which I feel is a large shift from the other general vibe of the other songs on the playlist. (Though, take that with a grain of salt. I do have a Spamalot song on this playlist, haha.)

Here's to March! Maybe spring coming, and day light savings coming I'll start adding some cheery songs to the playlist.

[ser-rctslcyer]

*shuffles in*

hewwo, my beloved-

so, i've been feeling very--burnt out lately? like i can't do anything & everything i do is wrong, & my fear of everyone leaving is super active for no reason. my sleep is basically nonexistent & i'm basically only sleeping for maybe five hours, but not like--in a row.

i'm waking up & dozing back off & chats are giving me anxiety again & i just--feel like i'm getting bad all over again? i'm also still not handling losing friends, even though i cut some off on my own, well & i dunno. i guess some reassurance about all of that would be??? helpful?

this is probably all jumbled & funky, but i'm like isolating again--which is also not good. so, i guess if a certain poe dameron could i guess?? help me through it---i may actually stop feeling so stupid & useless? doesn't have to be transmasc reader but if you do i will kiss you on the mouth & share my gummie snacks with you-

anyway; i love you so much & i'm sorry this is wordy/kinda heavy!

*rolls awaaaay*

Title:  And When I Fall, Piece Me Back Together

Pairing: Autistic! Poe Dameron x Autistic! Transmasc! Reader 

Word Count: 2.6k

Request: As stated above!

Warnings: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Self-Doubt, Depression, Self-Worth Issues, Crying, NSFW, Emotional Porn, Oral Sex, Worship (Boob Worship), Making Love, Breeding

A/N: I hope this brings you some comfort for what you’ve been going through— but also this definitely hurt. 

It doesn’t matter. 

That’s what you tell yourself— because how could it?

Billions along the galaxy lived in terror; hiding, scavenging, begging for any sort of peace, so that they may live without much fear or dread of what is to come. They’re distressed and tired— maker, they’re so tired of all the fighting, from both sides. 

The Resistance was just as fatigued. 

Too few in number, results of endless unavoidable tragedies that only continue to grow, even though you all pretend it will slow. Rations were dwindling, gear was rusting, breaking, and there were no new signs of gaining anymore. Everyone was overworked and miserable, a good portion were injured; every last one of you clinging desperately onto hope.

So why did your feelings matter?

Why should it matter when in the grand scheme of things, everyone was hurting the same, if not worse? Why should anyone care to help you?

It’s not like anyone would notice anyways. 

You weren’t special— you were just you.

Who would even want to help you?

You endure these thoughts, dragging yourself through the muck of your anguish, trying to perform your duties. A bitter fake smile, a small laugh here and there, and everything seemed as it should be-- normal. Everything flowed routinely, everyone acted the same, and no one noticed a thing. It was hard not letting your doubts seep out to those around you, they weren’t exactly to blame for how you felt; these feelings were up to you to sort out. 

And yet the seed of doubt had been sown— your insecurity and anxiety flourished.

There were only so many months you could take feeling unfavorable. It seeped into meal times first; excuses thrown freely of why you couldn’t be with everyone else. Next, it was downtime, lying that you were behind with reports or needed to take inventory before slipping away for the rest of the day. Even laying in the cool bed with your boyfriend, you slink away as your brain was relentless. Soon enough, you wouldn’t need one as no one asked you anymore, and you couldn’t even blame them. You couldn’t be a good friend to any of them— were you really even a friend at all?

Maybe they thought you were annoying.

Maybe they thought you were boring.

Maybe they never cared at all.

Maybe they simply forgot.

Those semi-feasible truths broke you. 

Those thoughts etched deeper into your head, and you found yourself quietly removing every bit of yourself from everyone you were close to. Most of your days were spent mute, not uttering so much as a word unless you were spoken to. Conversations were filled with such forced spurious energy, so at the very least you could fit in and not disrupt the flow. You were your own company for two months; no matter how much you despised it. 

Until he began popping his head in.

Poe. 

Your partner.

You’ve known him since he joined The Resistance, which was around the same time you inevitably joined. The two of you were thick as thieves, always hanging around each other, always being reckless— the feelings that developed were not a surprise to either of you, and fought for a better future, together. There was no part of him you didn’t trust, but your doubts were too quick to consume. The last thing you ever wanted to feel for him was the sting of rejection, and so you did your best to mask it— or so you thought. 

He never came to you asking questions, knowing how ultimately fruitless it would be because it’s too overwhelming. Instead, he sought you out, briefly speaking before sitting in silence. He never pushed for anything more. Simply, relaxing in your space no matter what you were doing; whether it was eating or working on your datapad, he was always there. You appreciated his efforts, even though there was not much you could say to him yet. 

A familiar humming breaks your thoughts and the metal door opens with a soft hiss. Poe steps in, looking a small bit disheveled with the way he had been running his fingers through his curls. It was a thing he often did whenever there was something that had him anxious. You eyed him from the comfort of your shared bed; he paced awkwardly around for a moment, unable to decide if he wanted to take his boots off or hang his jacket, first.

“Poe?” he came to a halt, looking toward you softly as you slid out of bed.

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?” you ask, watching him register your words. His eyes drop to the floor and then to his sides before he walks up to you; his palms brushing over your knuckles as his fingers wrap around your wrist. 

“I’m worried about you,” he whispers, looking down at your hands and then back up at you with concerned eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you worry. It— it feels nearly impossible, and—“ the explanation gets caught in your throat and your vision blurred.

“Star, we don’t have to talk about it just yet, just whenever you feel ready.” He squeezed your hands, adding to the sincerity of his words. You tried to push back your feelings, but the damn had already been cracked and a pitched noise left your lips. Instantly, you were tugged into his chest, his arms snuggly around you as he nuzzled the top of your head. Your hands found their way to his shirt, digging into the fabric as you inhaled your scent— both of you standing like that until he spoke up. 

“Star, do you want me—“

“Please,” you mutter out all too quickly, “please I want to talk to you.”

He doesn’t ask again, securing his arms around you before he slowly squeezed your torso. The pressure eases in your body, making you release a low whine— and from there it erupts. A broken cry of frustration, sadness, and fear, leaves your lips, and you break down. Tears stream fast and freely down your face; the noises brought forth from the pit of your stomach, that your chest hurts after a while. 

“I— I thought no one would care,” your voice wavers as you finally muster the words to speak, “because everyone else is hurting all the same and I didn’t want to burden anyone else,” you admit, pressing your face deeper into his chest. 

“I thought maybe I had messed up, that I wasn’t a good friend to any of you— and it just got worst. I didn’t think any of you would care, and it felt like it was all my fault and, and—“ all the pain comes flooding back, the tears return as you began to blubber. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay baby; I got you, I got you,” he assured against your head, hugging you tighter to him. His grip relaxed, an arm snaking up to the middle of your back as he swayed gently back an forth; bringing you slowly back down from your distress. It was quiet, only soft sighs and sniffles echoing softly across the room.

“It’s okay to need help,”  Poe spoke into your hair, pausing his movement to listen out for any sort of discomfort from you. When he heard none, he pulled away just enough to look at you, and caress the side of your face.

“It’s okay to come to us when you’re feeling bad,” his thumb stroked over cheek, tenderness in his eyes.  

“I swear to you,” he knocked his forehead against yours gently, pressing closer as a small whine left you, “you are never being a bother, annoying, or a burden coming to us whenever you need someone. We all need a friend sometimes and I’m certain every one of us would be by your side whenever you need it— Finn, Rey, BB, Jessika— even the General herself. We care so much about you, I care so much about you— I don’t want to see you suffer, baby.” You whimper at the earnestness in his voice, but your apprehension was too strong.

“But what if-- what if it never leaves? What if I keep ending up feeling this way at some point?” you blurt out anxiously, clinging to him harder; ready for it all to break apart again. Instead, his other hand found your cheek; eyes filled with nothing but fondness.

“Then I promise you, I will always be here to chase it away. No matter how many times I have to, I will always be there to tell you how those lies are— how deserving you are of friendship and love.” You sniffle softly, blinking away the tears, he continued to could wipe away.  “I’ll always make sure you feel cared for.” he finished, relief flooding through you; a tiny smile gracing your lips. 

“Thank you.” you whisper, finally letting yourself relax against him, and wrapping your arms around his waist. The warmth of his palms brought you more comfort, as he pressed his head rested against yours; the two of you basking in each other. Unprompted, he gently places small kisses over your face, starting from your nose and then to each side of your cheek— you sigh contently. 

“Do you want to?” he asks, nose rubbing against yours; both your eyes fluttering shut as his lips brushed lightly over your own. 

“Yes please,” the reply beckoned his lips over yours. Poe tilted your head up, sweetening the kiss as he stroked your cheek. A soft moan left from the back of your throat; your hands move to tug at the front of his shirt. It’s almost overwhelming, feeling your blood finally rush through your veins after months of being desolate; the burning in your lungs is a welcoming feeling. When he breaks the kiss, his lips still graze over the corners of your own, hands snaking away to the hem of your shirt. You step back as well, giving him a curt nod, and he pulls your shirt up over your head. The cool breeze makes you shudder, but not as bad as when his mouth places tender wet kisses over your tits. You don’t get much of a chance to react as he kneels down before you, mouth over your stomach and down to your sweatpants. He peels them, along with your bottoms slowly down in one go; sucking and nipping over the flesh of your inner thighs. You cursed, holding his head and shoulder for support, which he chuckles about. He stays there for a moment, leaving the sweetest trail of kisses over the ‘v’ of your hips, glancing up ever so often to look at you. When he was done, he got up, fingers massaging over your hips as you stood bare before him. 

He’s smiling as he kisses you again, pulling you closer to him. His tongue swipes over the inside of your mouth, drawing more noises out of you as he backed you against the bed. Carefully, his grip tightens as he lifts you up and you take the hint, pressing up off your feet and wrapping your legs around his waist. He sets you down to the soft sheets; pressing all sorts of kisses over your jaw and your neck. The desire set deep within your belly and after minutes of teasing, he moves away to admire his handy work. 

Tugging off his own jacket and shirt with ease; his necklace bounces against his chest before he kicked off his boots. Keeping his eyes on you, he shimmies out of his own bottoms before climbing between your legs; hiking one up over his shoulder as he sinks down. The flat swipe of his tongue makes you cry out and moan as he suckles on your clit. Your stomach quivers as he laps enthusiastically, sending waves of pleasure through you. He keeps one hand tightly gripping your hip, as the other slide up to grab your boob; kneading it adamantly. You don’t hold any of your screams back as he presses his face deeper into your cunt. His tongue pumps skillfully in and out of you and the stimulation from his hands and mouth were all too much and you came hard. He devours the rest of your juices, moving back up when you began to whine. 

The sweet taste of yourself from his tongue makes you shudder as you brush your thigh against his hip. He pulls your legs around him, stroking his hard cock again your dripping wet core as he sucks darker hickeys onto your neck. He groans, taking himself in one hand and pressing the tip of his cock to your clit; looking at you needily. 

“Pretty boy, can I?” his voice cracks; sending shivers down your spine. 

He wants you.

He loves you. 

“Please, Poe,” you whine, trying to roll your hips, enjoying the small amount of friction you got. He moans, following along with your rhythm, grinding his cock against your folds until he couldn’t take it anymore and sunk in. Moans echo freely between the two of you as he bottoms out, burying his face into your neck. Pleasure and desire buzz through your entire body as you beg for him to move.

With a firm yet slow roll of his hips, he thrusts deeply in and out of you; sending shockwaves of whines out of you. Your toes curl in an instant as his teeth latch onto the part where your neck and shoulder meet. You don’t mean for your nails to dig into the skin of his back, but everything inside of you hungers to feel more of him– to feel good. You fall deeper into that feeling as his hips kept meeting yours and the sweet nothings that flew out of his mouth, like your own personal shooting stars. His kisses felt like fire, sloppy and yet the most passionate ones he had ever given. You lost track of yourself, whines and whimpers leaving freely as the knot in your stomach grew. 

“I’m here, I’m here,” his right hand leaves your hip to cup the back of your neck, pressing another needy kiss to your lips, “I’m right here, baby.” His hips began to move faster, grinding against your own as he brought you closer. There was no coherent thought left in your brain as he rolled his hips thoroughly and soon you were toppling over into the abyss of pleasure. You came harder than you ever had with the sharp cry of his name, your body humming blissfully as he continued thrusting. Not long after he came to a halt, pressing deep inside of you as he came with the soft whine of your name against your cheek. You could feel just how much he had filled you, a wrecked whine leaving you; nearly convincing you that you came again. You both held onto each other for a moment, catching your breaths, before he found enough strength to flip the two of you over so that you were resting on his chest. It was a bit of haze for a moment until Poe began speaking, slowly talking you out of your space and pressing short kisses to the top of your head.

“I love you,” he mumbled, pecking your lips, “I promise  Star, I always will.”

“I love you too,” you whisper sleepily back, catching the delighted grin on his face before you began to drift off. His fingers gently stroked over your arm, lulling you into one of the best nights of sleep you had gotten in a while. 

Reminded that you were loved and cared for.

[jadeile-writes]

Fanfic Progress Update 161

So, Hazbin Hotel was effing NOICE :D Didn't inspire me to write so far, but we'll see how this brainrot progresses. Currently I'm at the stage where I watch the musical parts 15 million times a day, the next stage is usually reading fanfics written by others, and the next one is writing if I fail to find what I'm looking for or just feel like it. Again, we'll see. On other news, stay tuned for the last sneak-peek for A Sign that you're important at the bottom of this post!

Current WIPs:

A Sign that you're important

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary: One month upon his assigment as Doctor Robotnik's assitant, Agent Stone is told to learn sign language. He doesn't know why, and isn't suicidal enough to ask, so he simply rolls with it. Turns out, it's not just a whimsy of the eccentric doctor, even though that doesn't stop the doctor from utilizing it like one.

Progress: Chapter 5 was posted on 18th of January. The last chapter will be posted on 25th of January aka the next Thursday. Chapter 6 is a bit over halfway written, so cutting it a little close here, but I'll get it done in time. The biggest problem will be the chapter title tbh. I have a placeholder title (the old title for chapter 5 actually), but it's not perfect, so I'll need to brainstorm at some point, which is hopefully not on Thursday right as I'm posting it XD;

-----

Labor with a side of lattes (formerly known as "Life at the laboratory". Now the title isn't as boring and also vibes properly with the title of next part of the series)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary:

"Wanted: a yesman who is capable of operating an espresso machine, has at least a higher IQ than your average amoeba, and is willing to put work before having a personal life, or indeed a life, period. The extra in your pathetic paycheck is good, but the strain in your psyche will make up for the positives. Forfeit your basic human rights and apply today if this sounds like you." 

Maybe it said something about Agent Stone - and probably not good things - that the poster in the cafeteria's pin board piqued his interest more than any of his official assignments had for a good long while. 

Dr. Robotnik, huh?

Progress: This one will be part one of a two-parter longfic, the first part probably... 10-ish chapters? It's a bit hard to estimate at this point, so the number is subject to change - will probably end up being increased tbh. My weekly writing hour (as in, a specific hour when I sit down and write, no excuses [other than not being home]) is devoted to this fic.

I have the first five chapters done. Chapter 6 is 1/3 written.

I also have two halfway written chapters that don't yet know their exact placement within the fic (they're scenes that will be slotted in to wherever they feel natural, once the fic is ready for them.)

-----  

Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to Someday™:

PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)

DC Drabbles (Justice League)

Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)

Rolling with it (Zelda: BotW)

Hah, our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest! (Hazbin Hotel)

-----

That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s the promised sneak-peek into A Sign that you're important (Note: the text may end up slightly different in the fic itself due to more editing happening before publishing). Enjoy!

Maybe it would have been better if he had never been able to talk with Knuckles. He could have just dropped the renegade red rascal at the hedgehog’s home to do whatever it was he had assumed Knuckles wanted – he had assumed punching, ripping some quills, and moving on, if he had had to hazard a guess when he had been unable to hear – and been none the wiser about the Master Emerald. He could have been content about the hedgehog getting some much deserved use as a punching bag and moved on with his own plans. Getting to Stone, kissing him silly, freshening up, eating actual food, getting a good night’s sleep in an actual bed (preferably with Stone in it), getting acquaintanced with the cafe lab, and making plans for further actions in the morning. Plans that likely would have involved checking up on the hedgehog to see if there was anything left to salvage in the wreck for science, and whether further revenge was necessary. Getting to his secret lab. Considering negotiations for his re-employment with the government – he had done nothing wrong, he had been acting on their orders to find out what had caused the blackout and he had been given the leave to deal with it in any way he deemed necessary.

-----

That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!

Links:

My AO3   My FFnet   My Ko-fi    Radiohusk Discord Server

[the-force-awakens]

If I may ask just one more top five- pls lmk if I'm getting annoying. Top five favorite Poe headcanons?

definitely not getting annoying! I fell asleep and woke up wide awake bc in my hubris I thought I could stay asleep at 10 o'clock. Smh. I love this!

In Free Fall, it mentions Poe is kind of creeped out by droids until he meets Eevee, and while that could be because his primary exposure to them were medical droids while Shara had bloodburn — my personal fave headcanon is that a baby Poe went downstairs and accidentally watched part of a horror vid his parents were watching about evil droids (probably battle droids) and it scared him so bad that a) droids creeped him out for a long time after and b) he developed a dislike for horror movies from it

Jumping off FF again, I like to think that post break-up/taking down The Biggest Crime Syndicate at the time, 17 year old Poe winds up at the Colossus. My personal headcanon (that I think the math holds up on) is that immediately afterwards he gets into contact with L'ulo but... isn't ready to commit to seeing Kes again because he feels he's let his dad down so thoroughly, so L'ulo takes him to the Colossus and to Yeager to stay while Poe gets back up on his feet after everything that happened.

I also like to think it's there that he meets BB-8! I like to think maybe BB-8 was slightly disrepaired and about to be sold for scraps and Poe just used up all his savings to get him and spent months working on repairing him with Yeager's help — and from there, the story writes itself.

I think Poe's biggest draw to Suralinda in the Academy was how good she is as sussing out people's true intentions/how forward and direct she is. He got played and tricked before, and I think Suralinda's bluntness (for as much as it can be a fault) was a huge appeal for Poe, and I like to think he picked up a thing or two watching her, when it came to puzzling out what a CO's true intentions may be (aka....honing his own uncanny observation skills/intuition). I also think they were a Thing but it didn't last long because Poe wanted something serious and Sura....did not. They're amicable exes though.

I think Black Squadron has frequent movie nights with whatever movies they've illegally downloaded from the holonet, and anytime it's Jess's turn, she picks horror vids, so Poe very begrudgingly has a bunch of horror movie knowledge and gets playfully teased for how much he plainly hates/gets creeped out by the movies. He's very good-natured about them though, since Jess loves them so much

[pekofskyinparadise]

everyday is a winding road

Well, a horoscope told me I should put my voice out there this week, so here we are.

I actually woke up in a decent mood today for what feels like the first time in a while. I've had what feels like a neverending carousel of random, mostly annoying and not life-threatening medical issues, but as they pile up, regardless of their severity, they've been grating on my ability to be very positive in general. It's absolutely exhausting to be uncomfortable for an extended period of time, and not to have a resolution in sight yet, and to have to use leave from work on doctor visits that feel like a waste of time... at times, it's felt a little hopeless.

Luckily though, that feeling hasn't lasted. I do have hope that there is a resolution for my issues. My track record for getting through them is 100%. My hip issue that I've been going to the chiropractor for has hurt less the past couple of weeks than it has in months. I have a path forward. I have health insurance. I have money. I have time. I absolutely pick my problems over what so many people go through. But that doesn't mean I don't have them, and they don't matter. Perspective is important, but so is allowing ourselves to feel our feelings and say hey, this really sucks.

Feeling kind of stuck has definitely also led me to put some time toward my 5 things I want to do more of in 2023: exercise, play guitar, read, write, and spend time outside. I'm pretty sure that each day of this month, I've done at least one of these things (although I haven't kept track) and these things always make me feel just a little bit better. Having a good cry about it sometimes helps too. And just focusing on that tiny pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing that each annoying doctor's appointment and phone call is helping to get a little bit closer to feeling fine (Sheryl Crow, anyone?)

Also, I'm pretty sure the main reason I got out of bed this morning was because I had "Kick the Blues" by Larkin Poe stuck in my head, so I highly recommend it if you need a little motivation to move your body and feel good, even if it's just for a few minutes. Plus, today's the last day of January, and January's been rough, so it feels like maybe the end of it might bring something good. On to brighter days. Kickin' the blues.

[fulltimecatwitch]

some personal Kazuda Xiono headcanons:

- this one is kind of canon i just wanted to elaborate but he has a love- hate relationship with his parents

- growing up he always got everything he asked for but it always felt as if his parents were compensating with toys and fancy clothes for being to busy to really be with him

-none of his parents are big on physical affection, there is not a lot of goodnight kisses or hugs but with time he learns that her mother's love language is cooking a meal for him while his father's is teaching him about politics in order to prepare him for his future in the senate

- this is why Kaz is big on showing affection to all his friends, he loves to hug them, give them a squeeze in the shoulder or hand, or really anything to show that he cares

- this is also why he is always pleasantly surprised when someone shows him any sort of physical affection ( ex. Poe always putting his arm around his shoulder) yeah ...maybe he is a little touch- starved

- when Kaz is ten he visits the Hosnian Prime flight academy with his father, he meets Wedge Antilles there who tells him of his time at the rebellion and then takes him on a ride aboard his X-wing

- the thrill that Kaz feels during the take off,the sinking sensation on his stomach that the zero gravity generates and the way the stars seem so close and the galaxy so infinite is what makes him decide then and there he wants to become a pilot

- he tells his parents about his wish, they dismiss it as some childish fantasy that will soon pass but it never does, he gets his hands on anything he can find about flying, hhe memorizes star path charts and learns the basics of it pretty soon

- things take an ugly turn when he is fifteen and refuses to keep studying politics so that he can instead apply to flight academy,he gets into an ugly fight with his father where they scream for hours and ends up with a nasty blow in the cheek where his father struck him (this is the only time Hamato has ever laid a hand on him but Kaz is sure he won't ever forget it)

they do not speak to each other for weeks

- with the help of his mother they come to an arrangement where they allow Kazuda to enter the flight academy but only if he excells at it, otherwise he'll have to continue studying politics

- " do not dissapoint us any further, Kazuda" is the last thing his mother tells him before he goes

- in retrospect this is when the relationship with his parents really starts going south

- being home schooled his whole life, flight academy was a a huge change and he struggled for a few months to adjust and make some friends until he met Hugh and Mia

- his first year is pretty rough, he gets bullied by the older kids for being "the spoiled brat of a senator who bought his place because he couldn't get in on his own"

- by the way this is a rumour and not true, although his father did want to pull a few strings to get him in Kaz insisted on applying and getting in by his own merit and he did

- maybe it is his anger and determination to prove everyone wrong (especially his parents) or maybe he really is a natural, but he becomes the best pilot of his class and after winning his first race nobody bothers him anymore

- he graduates first of his class and is offered a spot at the navy which he inmediately accepts

- Kaz keeps so many emotions buried from his parents, his teachers and friends that he develops some serious anger issues, its not that he explodes at every little thing, its more of a passive anger where he pushes himself to the limit so he won't fail or when he finally explodes ( which is very rare btw) he literally goes blind with rage

- the first time Kaz's anger gets the better of him is when he starts at the navy, he has to deal with the same rumours about his father buying his place and there is this one dude called Druan who won't let it rest even when Kaz is clearly a superior pilot

- one day after a training session Druan starts to mock Kaz in his usual way, he tries to ignore it as best as he can until Druan says "i wonder why your parents even care about you Kaz-tastrophe ( yep Hype was not the first to call him that) i would be so ashamed and dissapointed of you in their place"

- he doesn't remember everything that happened next, but according to Hugh and judging from the bruises and blood on his knuckles he beat the shit out of Druan

- Druan needed stiches on his forehead and his broken nose took a month to heal while Kaz got away with a tiny scar on the side of his head from where Druan slammed him across a table

- this is how he gets his tiny scar and also the first time he almost gets expelled from the navy

- again, this is canon but i love that he is top of his class at the navy as well

- Kaz is an atheist, despite meeting Grogu, Rey, Finn, General Organa and witnessing their feats, he cannot believe there is a any force, balance or gods that would allow something like the Hosnian cataclysm to happen

-speaking of Hosnian Prime, he still can't close his eyes without seeing that transmission

- he refuses to talk to anyone about it and instead tries to focus on whatever mission or supplies the Colossus might need, which is why he seems "fine" most of the time

- his friends do not buy it

- sometimes he gets nightmares about it and all Yeager and Neeku hear are his muffled screams

- other times he dreams he is on Hosnian Prime walking through the Hanging Gardens or or at the flight academy and he wakes up with tears in his eyes

- Kaz is on fire at the batlle of exegol, he knows this is his chance the get back at the first order for destroying Hosnian Prime so he destroys as many canons and ships as he can ( he loses count after 12)

- unfortunately he gets pretty injured from the lightning that crashes all the ships ( he is burned from his hand all the way to his back and gets a lichtenberg scar)

- stil he recovers swiftly and is more than satisfied with all the work he did

- Kaz is devastated to find of General Organa's passing, she was probably the only person he was willing to talk to about Hosnian Prime since her homeworld was also destroyed

- at her funeral Poe informs him that while the General had been busy with many matters she had specifically asked for Kazuda Xiono to be awarded a medal for his invaluable service to the resistance

- She also left Kaz a brief note that reads:

" Kazuda, i cannot express how sorry i am for what happened to you home planet. The loss of home, family and friends is a terrible one that no one should have to go through. I know the grieve and anger you must be feeling right now might be all consuming. I know because i felt it too, which is why I ask that you do no let this anger and biterness consume you. Keep your friends close, and remember Kazuda that our home is also where we carry those we love.

May the Force be with you

- after reading the note Kaz allows himself to feel for the first time in almost two years hope that things are really going to be better

that's it for now, i might do a second part later 😁

[angelily-vine]

Nevermore’s Starlight Ch. 5

Wednesday Fanifc x OC (Aria Amor)

A/N -- Hiii, I know it’s been a while but so much has been happening and I literally got done with this chapter months ago, I just haven’t been able to post it😭 I hope you all enjoy and that I’m able to post more💗💗

Summary: The girls are having fun with the Poe Cup Race, but something comes up that catches Aria’s eye.

“You want us to be what?” 

This is outrageous.

Larissa smiled at me cheekily, not backing down.

“We could be the Black Cats!”

I only continue to glare at her, having no words left to say. Well, no kind words left to say. But who are we kidding, kind words are never usually my forte when it comes to these things. Most things.

“What do you plan on having us wear if we agree to be the ‘Black Cats’?” Aisha, a fellow Ophelia Hall member asked with a raised brow.

“Leather black suits with stitch accents, cat ears, and we can give each other whiskers!” The bubbly blonde beamed.

The other girls who volunteered to help prepare for the Poe Cup looked to Morticia and me for an answer. Throughout this entire mess, Morticia and I both came out to be the captains of the team and Larissa was our co-pilot. 

Was it Morticia and I’s intention to be appointed as the team leaders? No…

Maybe…

Kind of…

Alright, yes, we both strived to become the captain. And at first, there was only meant to be just one captain. However, when Ms. Caddel heard a snippet of our diminutive argument over it, she came to us after school and compelled us to agree on having two captains.

Larissa was more than happy to be our co-pilot, simply relieved that Morticia and I had finally stopped arguing.

I turned away from Larissa to look at Morticia who had a sly look on her face.

“That sounds ravishing!” The raven relished.

And to that, Larissa jumped up and cheered.

Using the rest of the time we had, the girls and I finished painting the canoe and Larissa and Aisha were planning out the outfits. Lillian eventually popped up, handing out plates of pizza and giving out drinks Ms. Caddel provided. 

The bells rang and Morticia, Larissa, Lillian, and I were on our way to our final period, Botany. On most days, Gomez would like to tag along with us, but he was forced to postpone relationships with others from other dorms. Stupid and childish, but I couldn’t care less.

During our walk there, Morticia asked Lillian why she wasn’t joining us for the race and Lillian proceeded to say that it wasn’t much of her strong point. Also claiming that she couldn’t risk being beheaded by the boys of Icarus Hall or getting penetrated by another team’s canoe spikes. The three of us looked at her dismissively, not in the mood for her dramatic excuses.

“Oh, please, just say you don’t want to be a part of the fun!” Morticia scoffed and elbowed Lillian playfully.

Dr. Grey had assigned us a project, considering certain factors and whether or not they affect a plant’s growth. Such as music, praise or degradation, certain things and chemicals like caffeine, etc. 

“How about, I take the Monstera and commend it, whilst you take the Pothos and say whatever cruel thing you can think of?” Larissa smiled.

“You know me well,” I tilt my head to the side, “Possibly a bit too well for my liking.”

Larissa giggled and happily slid the Monstera over to her, already beginning to shower it with compliments.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go with the coffee thing, Ria,” Lillian teased, leaning over her and Morticia’s table.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean, Ms. Montonellie?” A bit of attitude spilled from my tone as I said the last few bits of my question.

“Oh, nothing… I just know how much you love your coffee.”

“Mhm,” I roll my eyes at her.

“And what’s wrong with her love for coffee, Lilli?” Morticia inquired, seemingly a bit offended. Maybe because she was a caffeine lover herself.

“Nothing, nothing!” Lillian put her hands up.

Larissa chuckled at the two and gently bumped my shoulder.

“Hm?”

“Do you have practice today?” She asked in her sonorous yet kind and posh voice.

“Yes, why?”

Her voice then became small like of a timid child. “Can I come to watch?” 

“Don’t you have tennis?”

“We’re off this week, coach Wall had an accident.”

“So in turn, instead of studying, which is one of your favorite things to do,  you want to watch me and a group of girls practically running and practicing hitting and throwing a volleyball for two hours?” I ask, a bit surprised by her request.

She merely gave me a shy smile.

I think on it for a moment before finally giving her a yes. The blonde gave me an even brighter smile in response.

“I simply cannot wait! I get to see you play before anyone else does,” She squealed.

A bit flattered by her excitement, I offered her a minuscule grin. Nonetheless, a hint of curiosity makes me wonder why she’d want to come. Larissa had told me before that she was planning on going to our games with Morticia and Lillian; our first game was only in a few days' time. She’s usually one with patience, I don’t see why she wouldn’t wait until then. She also wasn’t the biggest sports lover. 

After Botany, I informed Larissa to wait for me on the main gym’s bleachers when she was finished changing out of her uniform. 

Stepping into the gymnasium with my practice clothes on; A simple pair of black spandex, an oversized white tee, and disgustingly pink volleyball shoes my mama gifted me. The shoes are most likely the most colorful and bright things in my wardrobe and something Lillian likes to tease me for.

Before I start peppering with one of my teammates, I look at Larissa who sat near the top of the bleachers. There were also a few others who sat close to her, some were friends of the girls and others were their boyfriends. Larissa met me with a smile and two thumbs up.

I noticed that she was dressed in her familiar beige and her hair was still styled. For whatever reason, there was also a tinge of pink skimming her cheeks. I’m guessing it was because it‘s a bit warm in the gym. Giving Larissa a nod, I go back to my usual partner, Melissa.

“Ready, Ms. All-around?” The brunette smirked.

Ms. All-around became a nickname for me that the team fabricated shortly after tryouts. They say it was because I was appointed as our outside hitter and supposedly the best they’ve ever had.

Following our pepper routines, we do our usual warmups and drills. From practicing our passes and ball control to working on our hits and serves.

“Alright my dears, how about we finish today with a scrimmage or two?” Coach Garnier requests.

My teammates and I all agreed to scrimmage and Garnier equally split us apart. Partnered with quite a few upperclassmen.

“What a treat, I’ve been partnered up with my favorite fresh meat!” One of the juniors smirked, sending me a wink. “See how I rhymed there.”

“You sound like a high school normie calling me that,” I snapped back.

She and a few others giggled at the insult as they got into position.

To start off, the opposing had the ball. 

Before serving, Layla offers a warning grin, notifying those of us watching that she was going to go for her favorite move. 

“Short!” Melissa alerted the moment Layla threw the ball up. 

Nora, our libero, readied herself with a knowing look. Swiftly, she made her way to receive the jump float serve which had hit the tape, causing Nora to dive for it. Melissa sets the ball in return, and I run and jump, spiking it.

“Woo!” Leah cheers in celebration over the given point, raising her arms up.

The scrimmage only lasted about forty-five minutes, ending with my team winning, the scoreboard two to one. Afterward, we finalize practice with our cool-off stretch routine.

“I need Aria on my side next time,” Layla sighs as she gathers her stuff to leave.

I roll my eyes at her frisky grin. 

Layla ignores the look and bids her farewell, “See you tomorrow, Ms. All Around!”

Subsequently, I turn on my heels to get Larissa.

The blonde was already making her way down the bleachers, ending her conversation with a few of the other girls who came to watch. 

“Absolutely wonderful!” She happily praised, slightly skipping toward me.

“That was really nothing,” I mumble, “But thank you.”

Larissa simpered and playfully nudged my shoulder, “Ready to go?”

I hum in response, picking up my sports bag, and throwing the strap over my shoulder. Larissa grabs my water bottle and wraps an arm around my free one.

“I know that shower tonight is going to feel like heaven,” She smirked.

“Oh, absolutely.”

The entire walk back to our dormitories was filled with conversation. 

I asked the blonde what she thought of the practice and if she enjoyed her time there. She then continued to tell me how awe-inspired she was of me and my team, from our skills, knowledge of the sport, and relations with one another. Larissa also had an inquiry about volleyball, such as what certain terms meant and the positions of each player. 

How she looked at me so filled with contentment and adoration, her gaze showing that she was actively listening to every word I said sent a feeling of comfort and acceptance. I don’t believe I’ve ever met someone as good of a listener as Larissa. Nor have I ever met anyone who was so welcoming and kind. No matter what I was going on about, she always seemed to listen. I take gratitude in her willingness to take in whatever it was I proclaim. 

When we arrive at my dorm, we’re met with a restless Lillian.

“Are you alright, dear? You seem oddly tense.” Larissa inquired, worry enveloping her face.

The stressed blonde at her desk answered in an impotent voice, “We have that quiz coming up in math tomorrow, I don’t want to fail it.” 

“Oh, don’t stress, Lill. I’m sure you’ll do well. You always do.” Larissa insisted, taking a seat on my bed, and starting to take her heels off.

In silence, I gathered my night clothes and towel and headed toward my bathroom to shower. The blondes continued to talk and the subject, somehow, eventually changed from the quiz and the current unit in math to considering haircuts. 

Stripping myself of the sweaty practice clothes, I take a second to look at the incoming bruises from the past days. Afterward, I let my hair down from its ponytail and brushed it out before I stepped into the shower. To no surprise, Larissa was right. The moment I felt the water hit my skin, it felt like heaven. Any last nerves or frustration from earlier today were washed away with everything else. For that moment, at least.

I took my time in the shower and proceeded with my bathroom night routine. By the time I came out, Larissa was lying down on her back with her eyes closed and Lillian was busy studying.

“Don’t fall asleep now, Larissa. Unless you want me to push you whenever I wish to,” I warn, poking her in the side.

She squirmed away and giggled, “I’m not asleep! I was merely just resting my eyes.”

“Mhm, sure.”

Larissa stood up from the bed and gave me a sweet smile. Her lips parted as if she was going to say something, but a faint gasp from the other side of the room stopped her from speaking.

“Holy shit,” Lillian’s mouth left agape out of surprise, now turned toward us. “Larissa did you get even taller, homegirl?!”

“I think so,” Larissa mumbled curiously, looking down at herself in a feeble attempt to see if she had grown.

“Gag me with a spoon before you say homegirl ever again.” 

“Aria, how tall are you again?” Lillian asked, ignoring my commentary.

“5’10,” I glanced at Larissa who was looking at me with an innocent smile plastered on her face and her head slightly tilted. 

“You’re phenomenal at math, Ria. How tall do you think Rissa is?”

“Six-foot at least.”

“Damn,” The werewolf muttered in astonishment and shock.

“Is this a good thing?” Larissa sheepishly grinned, her cheeks turning a slight pink.

“In this lady’s eyes, hell yes! Do you know how hot tall women are? With your height and beauty, you could literally be a model!” Lillian beamed.

“Oh, please,” She scoffed, flustered from the abrupt praise.

“I’ve arrived!” A well-known raven-haired psychic announced as she entered the room.

Ironic timing.

“Ah! She finally came back from the party!” Larissa excitedly teased.

“As I’ve said before,” Morticia closed the door behind her and laid down on Lillian’s bed, sprawling her arms out. “It wasn’t a party, Rissa. It was just a fun little club meeting.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Larissa rolled her eyes and sat back down on my bed.

Morticia then turned her head from us to Lillian who was still sitting at her desk. “Hey, Lilli.”

“Hi, Tish,” She smiled, evidently tired from studying.

“Come,” Morticia insisted softly, patting a spot beside her on the bed.

Lillian sighed in defeat, knowing she wouldn’t be able to win an argument with Morticia. At least not in her current state. The blonde made her way to Morticia and they snuggled up together with Lillian’s stuffed animals.

Taking my gaze from the two, I looked down at Larissa and pushed her down on the comforter. Wordlessly, I contentedly reclaim my spot on my bed.

“Hey!” Larissa laughed. “Now, why would you do that?”

“I told you that I was going to push you.”

“I wasn’t even asleep!”

I shrugged at her and got into a comfortable lying position. Larissa threw one of the smaller pillows at me and attempted to make a run for it. 

Before she could get away, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back onto the bed, keeping her down with my arm. Immediately afterward, I pick up one of the bigger pillows with my free hand and whack her.

In return, she gives me a goofy smile.

“Asshole,” I mutter, returning to my spot on the cushions. 

“I’m the asshole?” The shapeshifter inquired in a falsely offended tone.

Instead of answering, I tuck myself in.

Larissa shifted to rest on top of my legs, “Oh, don’t sleep now! You could at least answer me, asshole!” 

Morticia and Lillian chuckled at us.

“Poe cup is tomorrow!” Morticia beamed, elongating the words.

“Yes, yes it is!” Larissa giggled.

“Gnarly!” Lillian grinned.

I scowl at the word, “Don’t ever say that again.”

Larissa and Morticia laughed at the seemingly hurt, frowning blonde, “Always against me.”

“Okay you wonderful, gorgeous, chaotic three,” Morticia chuckled, released her hold on Lillian, and got up. “I’m going to go change and head to bed, see you in the room Riss. Goodnight, my dears!”

“Night, Tish!”

“Goodnight, Morticia.” 

After Morticia walked out and Lillian went into her bathroom, I pushed Larissa off my legs. “Get off me, blondie.”

“Don’t call me that. It’s such a stupid nickname,” Larissa playfully demanded, crossing her arms as she stayed in the position she fell into, “I rather you call me Riss, Rissa, hell, even Lari. Anything but blondie!”

“Lari, as in Larry? You rather I call you that than blondie?” I question, raising an eyebrow.

“Blondie sounds like a nickname you’d give a dumb blonde,” Larissa muttered, shifting towards me. “I’m no dumb blonde.”

“Whatever you say, Larissa.”

“Can someone come down with me to get dessert?” Lillian whined as she walked out of her bathroom, now dressed in sleepwear.

“I’d love to!” Larissa beamed as she crawled off my bed and skipped to Lillian.

What a sweet tooth this girl was.

“Do you want us to get you some chocolates, Ria?” Lillian asked before completely walking out.

“Yes, please.”

While the two were gone, I attempted to work on my novel. I haven’t been able to write as much as I’d like to because of school and extracurriculars, just as well as the social hangouts I’m dragged into. Anytime I can get to work on this or to work on my art is cherished.

At the moment, the main character is still in the process of grieving their loved one. I understand the stages very well, having gone through them for most of my life. Oddly enough, I’m also considerably capable of understanding and going in-depth with emotion and feelings, just as well as other personal aspects of the mind. Nonetheless, I can’t seem to continue where I left off. 

In turn, I chose to write a few poems. Well, I wouldn’t exactly classify them as poetry. Though, if I formatted it correctly, it could be a poem. Either way, it’s just a few lines of whatever I think of usually rooted in my current state of mind. 

“You bring me back to life.

Though your smile may take the breath from my lungs,

it brings the blood to my beating heart.

With every embrace,

brings warmth to the chills of your absence.

And to the sound of your voice,

my eyes light up 

and suddenly,

life is no longer disarray and sorrow,

but heaven and infatuation”

Sometimes I disgust myself with the poetic words I conceive in the eyes of romance. Revolted by what I’d just written, I decided to give myself a topic to think about instead of just writing what goes through my mind.

“You are not a poem,

Beautifully written and breathtaking,

You are an unfinished thought.

Long forgotten.

Not a painting,

Intricate and enchanting,

Merely a scribble on a torn piece of paper.

Neither a given light in the darkness,

Nor the stars of the night.

Nothing but a small step in someone else’s journey in life.”

I hate it.

Frustrated with the lack of ideas and creativity, I groan and bury my face in my hands.

After about five minutes of wallowing in self-pity and giving in to any mental exhaustion I’ve ignored for the past few days, I go back to my desk. Subsequently, I pull out my sketchbook and begin a new page. What is it am I drawing? I don’t know for sure. However, anytime I draw it at least comes out to be a semi-decent piece of something. It’s much better than nothing or something shit.

By the time the happy blondes return, I’ve crowded up two pages with a woman I have yet to name and her feline companion. Drawing her in her front view, side profile, and a ¾ view, just as well as two full body sketches, one including the cat. I attempted to give her hair a voluminous and soft look. I also sketched a forest clearing that caught my eye during a walk with Larissa.

“Who’s that?” Larissa said in a hushed tone as she leaned over my shoulder. I’m guessing from the whispering, she didn’t want to disrupt any concentration.

“A girl. I’m not sure as to who it is. I just drew her out of whatever came to mind.”

Larissa smiled at me, a look of pride and veneration in her eyes, “You’re endlessly filled with talent and surprises.”

“Oh, please,” I rolled my eyes in disbelief.

“It’s true!”

“Liar.”

Larissa gasped and put on another one of her fake looks of shock, “I’d never!”

“Whatever.”

“I don’t know what she said, but Larissa’s right,” Lillian deviously grinned as she slid the few bars of chocolate she’d taken toward me.

I shook my head, “This is anti-brunette,” 

“What?!” Larissa laughed.

“Anti. Brunette. Notice how the two blondes are ganging up against me? You should be glad I don’t consider this anti-Asian.”

To that last segment, Larissa let out a real gasp.

“We would never!” Lillian scoffed, placing a hand on her chest as if her heart was aching, “I feel so hurt that you would ever say that we could ever be against you. Or to any Asians at all!”

“You never really know,” I shrug, opening a Lindt bar.

“We steal chocolate for you and this is how you repay us? Accusations so cruel and false.” Lillian laid a hand against her mouth, looking away as if I’d just told her that I killed her best friend.

“Reparations.”

Lillian pursed her lips, not having anything else to say, turning around on her heels to rush over to her bed. Larissa’s attempt to hold in her laugh was a hilarious look.

“Anywho,” Larissa quietly cooed after settling down, “It’s getting a tad late and I have a bit of studying to do,”

“You’re always in those books, you don’t even need to study!” Lillian declares from her bed, raising her hands up. She looked silly doing so and still lying on her back.

“Don’t forget to be mean to your photos before bed!” She smiled, ignoring the werewolf.

“Don’t forget to praise that monstera as if it were your history books.”

Larissa let out a small laugh as she walked away, “Goodnight, my dears.”

“Goodnight, Larissa.”

“Goodnight, Rissa!”

“So, you are gay?” Lillian asked after the door shuts behind Larissa.

“What the hell?”

Lillian lets out a big laugh, “I’m sorry! You just never answered me all those nights ago! I want to know! I need to know!”

“Stay out of my business.”

“Please! Come on! I’m your best friend!”

“Good Lord,”

“Are you saying I’m not your bestie?! Oh, you’ve broken my heart three times now, Ria.” Lillian frowned.

“Better for you than me stabbing it.”

“I cannot believe this treatment I am receiving.”

“Whatever Lillian.”

Lillian grinned, “I love you too, Aria.”

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

The morning was filled with unnecessary joy and excitement for the Poe Cup. At lunch, it was all anyone was talking about. Everything started getting too tedious to bare, so I snuck away about an hour before the teams were meant to rally up for the race.

Thankfully, no one was in the library at this time. There, I find my way to the back, a secluded area with a few chairs and tables. Thriving in the comfortable, tranquil silence and absence of others. I haven’t been alone like this since, I’m not even sure when.

At home, the house was almost always packed because we live with my mother’s parents and there are also the kids. My sister’s seven years younger and my brother is a decade younger. So, when the adults are busy, I’m the one left to babysit. Here, there’s almost no way to be alone. There’s always going to be someone there with you.

“Aria?” 

For fuck’s sake.

“Yes, Larissa?”

The blonde pops her head out from one of the bookshelves, carefully walking up to me. If it were anyone else, I would’ve thrown the bookshelf onto them.

“I’m sorry, dear, am I interrupting anything? If you wish for me to leave,” Her voice is just as sweet as she is.

“You’re alright, Larissa. What is it?”

Hesitant to continue, she slowly takes a seat beside me, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’ve seemed a bit off lately. And I know, I don’t know you the best and you aren’t quite fond of being around others, but you’ve been a bit more reserved lately. From the version, I know of you. Not exactly isolating yourself, but you haven’t been talking as much and I’ve caught you spacing out quite a bit.”

“What an observant girl you are,”

She offers a sympathetic smile.

“I’m alright, Larissa, truly. Thank you for your concerns. I’ve just been busy with all the sports, band, and school. Balancing everything, along with my own personal enjoyment,” I assured.

“Well, alright,” The look she gave seemed defeated, yet she still held her smile, “Care to walk down with me to set up?”

“Of course,” I say as I get up with her and accept her hand.

When we got to the dock closest to the building, the tents were set up and our team was still getting dressed. The sun was out and the weather seemed perfect with occasional faint gushes of wind. At least the weather isn’t going to be an obstacle.

“Come on, Riss, Aria! I want to put the whiskers on you two!” Morticia beamed, clapping her hands. 

To no surprise, Morticia looked wonderful in the catsuit. As did the others, of course.

“Aria, can you French braid my hair?” Aisha asked from one of our tents.

I hummed in response, stripping from my uniform to get into my suit. As I change, I hear the girls laughing and rushing to get ready for the race.

“Riss, come on, come on, come on!” Morticia squealed.

The second I step out of the tent, it feels like everyone stopped to look. Ignoring the feeling of stares, I made my way to Aisha who was sitting on the grass. Her joyous smile held a tint of mischievousness.

I kneel down behind her and she hands me the brush, “What’s with the smile, Aisha?” I asked in a monotone voice.

“Oh, nothing,” She cooed with a suspicious giggle. 

“Uh, huh,” I picked her head up, “Look straight.”

While braiding Aisha’s hair, I feel a headband being placed on my head. From the giggling, I know that it’s Morticia.

“You look so gorgeous, Ria,” She praises, moving my head to face her.

I give her a look before going back to Aisha’s hair. 

“I’m done.”

“Yay! Thank you!”

“Okay, come on, come on, come on!” Morticia smiled as she pulled me by the arm and practically ran to where she set up her makeup and face paint. 

She sits me at a picnic table next to Larissa. Larissa looked wonderful in her suit and the new hairstyle she asked me to do for her.

“Can I add pink, please?” Morticia pleaded with a pout and her well-known puppy eyes.

“No.”

“Please, Ria?” 

Knowing she wouldn’t stop until she got what she wanted, I simply gave her a nod. She jumps at the approval and happily picks out a pink to apply to the tip of my nose. Larissa seemed as happy and giddy as the raven was. 

Morticia was so close, I could feel her breath against my lips. She was so concentrated on perfecting the whiskers, biting her lip. I couldn’t help but catch an unreadable look on Larissa’s face that replaced her smile from my peripheral vision.

It took about forty minutes for all teams to get ready and settle into the canoes. As we all waited for principal Ramos to conclude her big Poe Cup speech and signal the start of the race, I looked around at the other teams. The makeup and costumes were interesting. Some are a bit more questionable than others, but creative and admirably disturbing, nonetheless. 

“Good luck,” Gomez mouthed with a wink and genuine grin. 

I offer him a nod and turn back to Larissa who sat behind me.

“Are you ready?” She smiled.

I nod, “Are you?”

“Excited, no less.” Larissa giggled, playfully rocking her shoulders as a bit of a dance.

All was well and going steadily at the beginning of the race. We were able to avoid any attacks or conflict from the other teams, ahead of everyone else. However, Morticia and I began to argue about how we were going to execute our win.

“It’ll be faster if we steer right, Morticia!”

“No, it’s better if we go left!” 

Larissa begged us to find the middle ground. The others couldn’t find the courage to intervene, only following whatever contradicting orders we threw at them. 

“Oh, dear,” Larissa sighed.

Before our bickering could get any more ‘violent’, there was a push against our canoe from underwater. A siren from Mammon Hall.

I groan at the only given solution to the problem. Taking off my cat ears and putting down my oar.

“Aria, what are you doing?” Morticia yelped, trying not to get wet from the waves.

Without a word, I jump into the water and morph into my siren form. My suit absorbs into my skin, now half covered by blue and white scales, legs transformed into my tail. Don’t ask me about the knowledge behind the clothes and skin in changing forms, there’s little to no information found on it. I’m guessing, in some way, it’s similar to shape-shifting.

Now underwater, I grab Christopher’s tale and pull him away from the canoe, punching him in the face. From his expression, he was afraid and didn’t dare to fight back. Instead, he quickly swam away to another one of the canoes. 

I swam to the surface and turn back into my human form. My hair was now drenched over the suit and my whiskers washed away. The girls stop rowing, their mouths left agape and silent looks of awe all around. 

I climb back onto the canoe and pick up my oar, “Come on, now.”

We all begin to row again and get back in front of the other teams. 

Arriving at the dock of Raven Island, Morticia hurriedly makes her way out of the canoe. She runs to get our flag at Crackstone’s crypt. Aisha joins her as a watch-out for any sabotages or attacks.

When the Icarus boys arrived, all members left their canoes. A stupid move.

Larissa offers a smirk before she jumps out and runs toward the forest. Subsequently, she comes back with another, very familiar, perky blonde. 

“Lillian?” Carina inquired from behind me.

“Hello, hello,” Lillian greeted with a troublesome grin on her face, “I’m only appearing to be a helping hand.”

Larissa and Lillian giggled as they went toward Icarus Hall’s canoe. Lillian spiked up her claws and teared up the bottom of the kayak. The blondes fist bump each other and bid joyous farewells, Lillian waving goodbye before she disappears into the woods. 

“Was that your idea?” I questioned the proud shapeshifter as she trotted back to us.

“Maybe,” She cooed.

I offer her my hand to help her step back into the canoe. She happily took it, and with her impeccable timing, Morticia finally returned.

“We got it, We got it, We got it!” She cheered with the flag in her and Aisha’s hands.

Quick to recuperate and make our way back to the finish line, we hear the faint groans and whines from the Icarus boys. However, a slight chuckle from Gomez stood out from everyone else. I knew that Larissa was wearing a satisfied and proud grin behind me. 

Somehow, the girls from Lee Hall caught up beside us. In an attempt to get ahead, spikes came out from the bottom of their kayak. To make things seem more difficult, one of the gorgons stoned Aisha. 

“Damnit,” Morticia grumbled under her breath.

“It’s okay,” I whisper beside her ear before telekinetically moving the Lee girl’s canoe.

Was it my intention to tip them over entirely? No...

Absolutely, yes it was.

Larissa, Morticia, and Carina couldn’t help the laughs that they let out as we continued to row up the lake. Even from afar, the hurrays and applause from the other students and staff could be heard. Ms. Caddel’s cheering grew even louder as we neared the dock.

“Those are my girls! Go, Ophelia Hall! Woo!” 

There’s no reason to, however, we all hurry to get out of the canoe and through the finish line. Others from our hall insisted on taking care of Aisha. Passing through the ribbon, the girls all gather into a group hug. Morticia not missing to tug me toward them. 

I wasn’t the fondest of the entire thing, but Lord knows how much I love to win.

After the proper handing off of the trophy to Ophelia Hall, the girls and I sit with the others and enjoyed the desserts and meal left just for us. They’re all radiating with triumph and glee. It’s a little overwhelming, the loudness, the laughter, the confusing mix of smells, the unwanted nudges and squeezes from those around me. The moment was sweet, but I needed a break. At least for a moment.

So, I stealthily walked away from the crowd and sat on Poe’s statue. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, sulking in the hushed noises and lack of touching. The fresh air was astonishingly comforting, leaning against the statue with my head tilted up.

Upon hearing footsteps, I pick my head up and open my eyes. Surprisingly, it was Gomez who came up. 

“Hi,” He smiled, sitting on the ground in front of me.

“What is it, Gomez?”

“Oh, nothing. I just noticed that you were missing from the group. Larissa and the girls were wondering where you were as well. Plus, I wanted to congratulate you all, and I couldn’t pass from congratulating one of the captains! I loved how you used your siren powers to beat up Chris and you tipped over Lee Hall! Oh, and having one of the werewolves sabotage our boat? Coolest things ever!” 

Gomez was so happy and his eyes shined with admiration. He looked like a child talking to his hero. It was adorable, but I held my stoic expression.

“I’m glad you enjoyed the show.”

All he offered was a weak smile.

“Are you alright, Gomez?” 

“Eh, I’m just tired,” He muttered, followed by a chuckle and rubbing the nape of his neck.

“Did you really come looking for me or did you try to find a place to run from the party and just happened to find me at the place you wished to stay at?” I question, raising an eyebrow and crossing my arms against my chest.

“Uhm,” His head began to hang low, “Both.”

His tone seemed a bit hesitant and guilty. I lend him some mercy and offer a small smile.

“It’s okay, Gomez. If you wish for me to, I’ll leave and return to the quad.”

“No, no! If you’re alright with it, I’m absolutely fine with staying here with you. Happy to!” He insisted eagerly.

“Alright then.”

We stayed there, together in silence for a few minutes. At some point, I allowed him to rest his head on my knee. He was exhausted and his eyes called him out. That was the only reason as to why I let it slide. I know how terrible it is being around obnoxious slobs and those stupid, prideful boys he hung around weren’t an exception.

He fell asleep for a bit, and he snored a little. It was a bit ironic because he always bragged to us about being the only one who doesn’t snore or sleep talk.

When Gomez woke up, he apologized for falling asleep. I told him it was okay and we decided to go back to the quad.

There were whispers I couldn’t help but hear upon our return. 

“Are they together?”