#and also because the head writer and artist have been consistently using dark skin as a marker of 'corruption' for decades now

[snarp]

The reason FGO deleted Draupadi and Yudhishthira is that, if you put those two specifically in your Gambling For Naked Girls App, someone blows up your building (which also sucks) at 2:17 PM on a weekday.

[pedros-mustache-main]

like the movies

summary: he’s the writer; you’re the muse. there’s a cup of coffee somewhere in there, too.

word count: 3.3k+

warnings: fluff & pining—so, a change of pace from my usual angst. :) also: a serious lack of dialogue because i am feeling verbose. 

a/n: this is entirely @joemazzmatazz‘s fault. it was her idea (albeit given to me actual ages ago), but she said “do it” and who am i to say no? anywho, i’m relatively uncertain about how this turned out, but have it regardless!

your latte is hot, almost too hot. it burns your tongue on the first sip.

but you welcome the heat and the momentary burst of pain. the weather swirling outside borders on atrocious: freezing rain mixed with snow flurries, bloated, gray clouds, and a thin layer of ice on all surfaces. though the tip of your tongue stings upon that first sip, the heat that rushes to your chest pushes away the dreary weather you’d slogged through to get to the coffee shop.

you’re a regular here. not a regular regular, but regular enough that the interchangeable baristas recognize you and you recognize them. you exchange tight-lipped smiles and nods of greeting when you approach the counter, but nothing more than simple pleasantries. you don’t know their names, and they never ask for yours, but they remember your order: frosted blueberry latte with extra foam. it’s gotten to the point where you can simply walk up to the counter, money in hand, and the barista can repeat your order before you open your mouth.

it’s the little things, you suppose. in this little corner of the world, you feel seen.

today, you have your laptop open, latte pushed to the side, and a cherry and almond scone on a bright blue plate. you resist the urge to pull your foot up on the chair and rest your chin on your knee. though you’re here more often than you’re at home, this isn’t your living room. you settle for sliding your ankle beneath your opposite thigh.

being a paralegal is decidedly unglamorous. sure, it sounds highfalutin to the person sitting beside you on the airplane, but damn, if it isn’t stressful. you feel like a glorified secretary most of the time. pushing papers and getting signatures and making tens of phone calls to people and places that are not interested in speaking to a lawyer isn’t really what you signed up for. at least, it’s not what you ultimately want. it pays the bills for now, though; a partnership… that’ll come later.

you’re lucky enough that you can work remotely, hence your sturdy corner of the café. from where you sit, you watch customers enter and exit the shop. each time the door opens and the little bell tinkles above, a blast of cold air rushes into the cramped space. you enjoy watching the reaction of newcomer­—the way they stamp their snow-covered shoes on the wood floor and shiver, turn to their companions with a smile, hurry to the counter to order something sweet and warm. in those moments, you grow wistful, your heart lurching with loneliness. it’s been a long time since you’ve had anyone to meet for an afternoon coffee date, friend or otherwise. your job doesn’t afford much downtime, and what downtime you do have is devoted to menial life responsibilities. 

your phone buzzes, and you glance down. a text from your boss. time to refocus.

you work for a while longer, nibbling on your scone, sipping from your latte. the emails pile up, and your phone buzzes incessantly. a headache forms at the base of your skull as you struggle to keep up with the constant flurry of communication.

after receiving a terse email from your boss’s legal partner in relation to something that is no fault of your own, you shut your laptop. a five-minute break; you deserve that much. rubbing a hand down your weary face, you grab your purse, slide out from behind the table, and head for the restroom. in the poorly lit bathroom, you splash some cool water on your cheeks and sigh at your reflection in the mirror. you look tired, feel it too. the dark bags under your eyes bely how little sleep you’ve gotten in the last week, and your shoulders droop under the weight of the world. maybe by christmas…

who are you kidding? christmas is just as busy as any other time of the year. people don’t stop needing lawyers just ‘cause it’s the holidays.

when you return to your makeshift workspace, you immediately frown. you freeze several paces from the corner of the table and glance over your shoulder, tightening your grip on the strap of your purse.

someone had been at the table in the five minutes it took to freshen up.

nothing is gone, thank god. (in retrospect, you probably shouldn’t have left your laptop and phone sitting in plain sight. call it naivety, but you like to think the best of people. however, your line of work consistently reminds you that the bad in people often outweighs the good.) your laptop, though, has been nudged to the side, the movement causing the charging cord to fall out. several drops of dark liquid—spilled latte—dampen the corner of your yellow legal pad.

what truly catches you eye is the square piece of paper resting on your laptop’s keyboard like a discarded feather.

you look over your shoulder again, but the shop is largely empty save for the baristas and an older couple in the far corner. the weather is certainly a deterrent from lingering. perhaps someone had come in while you were in the bathroom and left you a note. had your car been hit? you hope not. you don’t have the extra funds for vehicular maintenance right now and even less time to fix whatever damage had been done.

leaning forward, you lift the piece of paper, and your chest tightens.

it’s a drawing—a drawing of you. blue ink scattered across the page in swirling lines forms the hazy outline of your profile. your chin rests in your hand, and the artist made certain note to emphasize your eyelashes, which are not that long in actuality. at the bottom of the page, a message in curling script: when you are old ­— yeats

your mouth runs dry, your palms moist with nerves. returning to your chair, you quickly type the words into the search bar of your browser. you remember enough from high-school english to know yeats is a poet, but when the poem loads and you read the words, you feel like you might fall over.

your neck snaps up, cracks at the sudden movement. someone had been here in the café long enough to watch you, to sketch you, and to think of the yeats poem in relation to you.

how decidedly… romantic. like something out of a chick-flick.

despite the warmth in your chest, you shut your laptop, fold the sketch, and shove it in your coat pocket, willing yourself to forget the random happenstance. things like that—serendipitous moments of romance—only happen in the movies. they certainly don’t happen to you.

whomever had left the note, well—at least they’d brightened your day. your mother would call it a gift from the heavens, an angel smiling down on you.

shaking your head, you gather your things and hurry out into the cold, wintery weather. you refuse to allow yourself to go home and daydream. you could use the note as a bookmark, sure, but there was no use in dreaming about the artist. no use whatsoever when you would likely never cross paths again.

except you do go home and daydream. why you ever thought you could keep yourself from mulling over a moment rife with potential is ridiculous.

all throughout the evening—as you make your stir-fry dinner, as you draw your bath, as you change the sheets on your bed, and fold the laundry—you consider the possibilities:

you’d been at the café for a handful of hours, but how much had you truly paid attention to the patrons coming and going? barely, if you’re honest with yourself. you had noticed the older couple when they came in; you’d wondered how they’d managed to get from the parking lot to the warmth of the coffee shop without slipping on the icy sidewalks. you’d noticed, too, a man who looked a lot like how you imagine paul bunyan: massive height, plaid shirt stuffed in worn jeans, impressive beard. no one else of note sticks out in your mind hours later.

what had you been doing all afternoon? hopefully you hadn’t done anything embarrassing. god, sometimes you have this habit of resting your fingers over your mouth in such a way that it pushes up your nose to resemble a pig’s snout. had you done that? sometimes you fiddle with your hair too much and bounce your knees and hum to yourself. you want to sink below the suds of your bathwater when you recall your propensity for talking to yourself.

your thoughts turn fanciful when you finally slip beneath your covers.

maybe the artist is like tom hanks in “you’ve got mail.” only instead of emails, you could exchange notes in a coffee shop and forgo the business rivalry part.

maybe the artist is like tom hanks in “sleepless in seattle”: soft and sweet and really good with kids.

maybe you just have a thing for tom hanks.

you turn your head with a girlish grin, tucking your lower lip between your teeth.

you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t daydream, but how could you not? yeats’s poem filters through your mind like the moon filtering through your curtains: how many loved your moments of glad grace, and loved your beauty with love false or true, but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you and loved the sorrows of your changing face.

with a muffled squeal, you allow yourself a moment to thrash in delight—like a schoolgirl with a crush and a note checked yes i like you tucked beneath her pillow. the idea that someone somewhere notices you, of all people, is simply too much to bear. you feel like your heart will explode and sunbeams will burst from beneath your skin. you feel warm and happy and drunk on possibility.

you settle, then, and sigh, smoothing your hands over the rumpled comforter. you’re a professional, though. a paralegal, for god’s sake. you’ll go back to the café. maybe not tomorrow, but you’ll go back. just maybe—maybe, maybe, maybe—you’ll run into your artist again.

you return to the coffee shop in two days, lugging your over-stuffed bag with you, earbuds snug in your ears. when you cross the threshold, you can’t help the way your eyes immediately scan the customers who have parked themselves in the various sitting areas. you’re looking for your artist, obviously, but you have nothing to go on other than the note tucked away in your jewelry box at home. a few words, a carefully drawn profile—that’s not enough to determine who had created the note from a simple glance.

begrudgingly, you remind yourself once again that life isn’t a movie. there’s no tom hanks waiting for you on the other end of the note. it’s silly to dwell on it any longer, really. you’ll get too wrapped up, too attached, and that wouldn’t bode well for the upcoming holidays.

the table you usually occupy is already taken by a man in a red sweater. his head is bent over his laptop, glasses slipping down his strong nose. you try not to take it to heart; the table was never explicitly yours. with a soft grunt of effort, you drop your belongings in an orange armchair across the room before meandering to the counter. julie (at least, you think that’s her name?) smiles when you approach, and she rings up your order, asking about the weather and plans for the holidays.

once your coffee is in hand, you return to your new seat and relax in the accommodating plush armchair. maybe the man in the red sweater had done you a favor after all. you glance up to look at him. if he stays as long as you often do, his ass will ache by the time he leaves. the wood chairs offer zilch in the way of comfort.

you quickly lose yourself in work, but the idea that your artist could be in the same room as you never truly leaves your mind. you find yourself glancing about the room from time to time, studying those who come and go, wondering if perhaps they were the one who saw something worthwhile in you. no one catches you eye; everyone is too busy with their own affairs, and you don’t blame them.

by the end of the afternoon, you find your latte completely and utterly forgotten. it’s cold when you take a tentative sip, and you sigh. maybe not five dollars wasted, but five dollars you had meant for a hot drink, especially considering the cold weather. rising from your seat, you take the latte to the counter and ask the barista to pour your drink in a to-go cup with some ice. might as well make the best of it, and you don’t like things to go to waste.

when you return to your chair, you nearly drop the plastic cup.

another note.

“holy shit,” you breathe. instinctively, your palm tightens around your cup, and the plastic gives a small crack. you wince and double-check to make sure no leaks have sprung before picking up the folded piece of paper on your messenger bag.

your fingers tremble as you flip open the folded note.

the same blue ink, same hurried penmanship. no drawing this time; only words.

she sat, much as i did, working fervently. i couldn’t help but watch, and maybe that made me a creep, but i’d been called worse. she sat with an heir of regality, her chin held firm, eyes dancing about the room like she owned the place. not haughty or self-possessed. just sure of herself. what did that make me then? alone in my corner? i didn’t like to dwell too long, so i—

the words stop in time with the seize of your heart.

you can’t seem to look away, to look around the room again in search of your artist, your writer. your heart pounds in your chest, flush rising on your cheeks. eyes—you feel eyes on you whether they are present or not. you feel dizzy. never have you felt so… seen, so noticed. not even in past relationships have your boyfriends took such care to notice the minute details of your being.

the strange urge to vomit rises in your throat. you aren’t afraid; you aren’t creeped out.

you’re just… overwhelmed.

so, you tuck the note in your pocket and leave, careful to keep your gaze on the floor as you exit. just in case your writer is still there, still watching.

you’re nothing special, nothing like the paragraph they penned. they should get that through their thick skull before they find themselves disappointed.

you don’t return to the coffee shop until after the holidays.

it’s not that hard to stay away. the hustle and bustle of work combined with the hustle and bustle of family gatherings keeps you from finding the time for an afternoon of solace anywhere, let alone the café.

you must admit that you think of your author often, try as you might to forget them.

by now, you have the cadence of the yeats poem memorized and the prose of the paragraph tattooed on the front of your mind. each time you pass a couple in a warm embrace, you wonder what became of your writer. you wonder if they think of you as much as you think of them; if they ruminate over the possibility of a life that cannot be.

if this were a movie, you would run into your author by random happenstance. you’d bump into them at the market, spill your legumes on the floor, touch hands in your haste to right the mistake, and—boom—as you look up, it would all fall into place.

if this were a movie, you would see them in the library or the post office or the deli or—

—or the coffee shop.

you sigh as you enter the café, wishing for your author to be there, knowing they won’t be. it is enough that you’ve experienced two mysterious love notes; things like that don’t come in threes.

that’s only in the movies.

the café still has its holiday decorations up. twinkle lights hang draped across the ceiling, and music filters over the sparsely filled tables and chairs. in the post-holiday haze, you didn’t expect the café to be crowded. in all truth, the sight of few patrons eases your mind.

less of a chance to run into your author. less of a chance to reveal yourself as the decidedly uninteresting person you are.

you set your belongings down at a side table, and as you reach for your wallet, a presence hovers over your shoulder. frowning slightly, you straighten, prepared to ask the person to kindly give you some space. when you do turn, your heart leaps to your throat, and the wallet in your hand clatters to the table.

it’s your author. you just know it.

there’s something vaguely familiar about the man, about his strong nose and groomed facial hair and crystal eyes. he’s tall, warm looking, like a hot drink on a cold day or a crackling fire. his eyes scan your face as though he is worried, as though he’s uncertain of what he should do now that you’ve actually faced him.

you speak before your thoughts catch up with your heart. “you wrote those notes, didn’t you?”

he nods, and the movement—so gentle, so reminiscent of a small boy on the verge of a scolding—makes you love him all the more. “yeah.” he sighs, lifts a hand to rub the back of his neck. “yeah, sorry about that. i wanted to apologize. wasn’t sure i’d get the chance, if you’d come back again.”

you shake your head. “no, don’t apologize. please don’t apologize.”

it’s his turn to frown, and he looks up from the table. you lose your breath momentarily. god, his eyes are blue. “when you left last time i thought… well, i thought i’d scared you off.” with a rueful chuckle, he shoves his hands in his pockets. “would serve me right, too.”

“why do you say that?”

“i mean, notes on your laptop when you aren’t looking? intently watching you? kinda stalkerish, huh?”

you can’t help but smile—smile at him, at the nervous twitch of his mouth, at the way he avoids your gaze. “i guess.” on a daring move, you reach out and touch his elbow. when you touch him, he feels like home. “but i don’t want you to apologize. i like the notes. i haven’t thought about anything else since you gave me the first one.”

“really?” there’s a hopeful tone in his voice; it sets your heart on fire.

“yeah.”

“i’m writing a book—a novel, really. i saw you so often that any time i got stuck, i just wrote about you instead.”

you could kiss him then and there. instead, you tell him your name, and he grins.

“i’m gwilym.”

“tell me, gwilym.” you pull out your chair and motion to the café counter. “how would you feel if i bought you a coffee? i want to hear more about that novel.”

“i’d—i’d like that.”

he follows you to the counter, his hand brushing the small of your back.

the barista—matt, you think—looks up from the register and laughs. “holy shit, i won!” he looks over his shoulder. “hey, julie! you owe me a fifty.”

you glance at gwilym, but he’s already looking at you. you smile.

matt continues. “we had a pool to see how long it would take for you two to get together. you were always looking at each other but never at the same time. you knew that, right?” still laughing, he rings up your orders without be asked. “coffee is on us today, guys.”

as you wait for your latte to be steamed and gwilym’s chia to be poured, you tuck your lip between your teeth to stem your widening grin. gwilym is strong by your side, the perfect height for you to rest your head on his shoulder. you look up at him, at the noble planes of his face, and your chest squeezes. when he looks at you again, your chest squeezes even tighter.

maybe life is like a movie after all.

[babyybitchhh]

Just because someone isn't attracted to a person or character (who are of different ethnicities), doesn't mean they are racist. People have their own preferences in who they are attracted to. That doesn't mean they're racist. That's just their preference in who they are attracted to.

Okay, I’m not gonna allow this to turn into a big thing like the ass eating debate BUT I think you may have taken what I said a little too personally. That wasn’t directed at any one person or even certain groups of people, and I’m not of that opinion based off one or two specific individuals. Rather it’s fandom habits as a whole, and I’ve seen enough to know that by and large black characters are overlooked in favor of their lighter skinned counterparts. I mean, black characters show up so infrequently in Japanese media anyway (and their representation is ... another topic for another day) to the point where it really is easy to see this trend in action. Even if they hit ALL their charm points and have the looks to back them up, they still get mostly ignored. Why?

Heads up, I really got on my soap box with this one so feel free to keep scrolling

I actually saw a blog on here that was writing for Naruto who, with their whole chest, said they’d write for anyone except the Kumogakure characters (and Ino which, ew, I didn’t think someone with such terrible taste actually existed but 🤷‍♀️ here we are) and what do most of the Kumo ninja look like?

(I liked Omoi a LOT and Darui was nothing to shake your finger at either - and Mabui??? Good god, shes fucking gorgeous. Shikaku absolutely should have hit that while he had the chance, I know for a goddamn fact he was (respectfully) looking. )

But anyway I’m just not sure how you can look at something like that and not see color bias - and I used that wording very intentionally. Because even if you (that’s a general you) look at black or otherwise dark complexioned characters and decide they’re just not to your “preference” there’s still an underlying factor at play wherein, on a societal level, pale is touted as being attractive and melanin isn’t considered half as beautiful. It’s conditioned.

I have yet to see ANY self insert content for the above characters, or Ogun. I’ve seen VERY LITTLE for my man Avdol compared to the rest of the cast which, imo, is particularly telling because the Jojo fandom will even lewd a sadistic mold doctor (no shade, Ciccolata fans) but this absolute unit??

Only certain writers seem willing to take him on and me, personally, I’d rather see more smut of him than, say, Polnareff or Kira (no shade, stans)

Also I’ve seen maybe a handful of fics for Tosen PERIOD - not just self insert content - and half of that was pairing him with the big dog guy

Which is, again, indicative of a deeper issue considering how much thirst the light skinned characters generate by comparison.

And also someone I’d REALLY like to see self insert content for is Lock Rock, idk if it’s because he kinda looks like Eric Andre (man crush Thursday 🤪) or what, but I am feeling it

And don’t give me that “but he’s married and has a baby!” Bullshit when we’re out here lewding married man and father of four Enji Todoroki like we’re getting paid to do it. I want to see HC’s, smut, thirst, fics, something! Anything! Please!? (Seriously tho, does anyone have a hookup for ANY content of this man? 💀)

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not innocent either. Ogun will be the first black character I personally write for but he’s not the first one I’ve found attractive nor do I glance over these characters based on their skin tone. If they’re hot, they’re fucking hot! Period!

And I think that’s what this boils down to, because even though you (still a general you) may not look at them and think “ew, they’re black”, if the color of their skin is the deciding factor for you then there is still a problem here.

Are you not attracted to that character because they don’t push your buttons right or is it ultimately because of their pigmentation?

Do you find yourself unattracted to every single black character you see, regardless of their facial features and other characteristics? (For example I’m not particularly attracted to Tosen but Lock Rock?? PHEW)

Ask yourself if there’s a single black person you DO find appealing.

I understand having preferences, I in fact have my own preferences, so that’s not the issue here. It’s also not “no one else is thirsting for Ogun, they’re all racist!” But rather “there is a very observable trend in fandom spaces where every character who appears to be black gets slept on and even if it doesn’t seem like racism on a surface level, the color bias absolutely exists on a broader spectrum and, yes, Ogun is definitely suffering from it”.

That’s it. I wasn’t calling YOU (you, specifically, anon) racist just because you don’t like Ogun, I’m saying that black people are consistently pushed aside in favor of light skinned people and it happens with alarming frequency even within fandoms which just goes to show how deep this issue actually runs. And that’s all just going off of how the CHARACTERS are treated, I haven’t even touched on how black readers/black artists/black writers are treated but then go ahead and amplify that to society as a whole and surely you can see why I’m going to call it what it is.

Plus I can almost guarantee that if Ogun had been “white” (I mean, he’d just be Shikamaru then but that’s neither here nor there cmdkxksksk) he’d have SOME content. Case in point, actual psychopath and certified star lord Rekka Hoshimiya even got thirst content from the fandom whereas the only black man in the series hasn’t gotten so much as a single HC. Trust me. I’ve scrolled to the bottom of his tag at least five times now. 💀

Literally the most I’ve seen is one or two people saying how attracted they were to Ogun and that’s it. A bitch literally cannot feed herself on such meager morsels, especially when Beni’s out here getting his 20th smut fic in a row - which is an impressive number for such a small fan base. Lmao Anyway my point here is that personal preferences are fine and dandy but when I can actually see the same trend repeating itself over and over, fandom after fandom ... there’s definitely something more than preference at play here. 🤷‍♀️

[onebadwinter]

The Joker Tropes

Taken from Here

0% Approval Rating: Apart from Harley (and even then, only when their on-off relationship is "on"), Gaggy and Punchline, no one likes or supports the Joker. In any way, whatsoever. Damn near every other member of Batman's Rogues Gallery hates his guts, mostly because not only is he completely sociopathic and unpredictable, but also they are all scared shitless by him. The only reason why he's even allowed in teams such as the Legion of Doom is because of that fear: if they exclude him from the lineup, then chances are that dead bodies will be lining the streets in their name. Trickster spells it out in "Underworld Unleashed." Trickster: Great going, Neron, bring in the one guy no one wants to be in the same room with. When super-villains want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories.

Abusive Parents: One common tactic for the Joker to garner sympathy is claiming he was ill-treated by his parents. Given his propensity to spew out different and sometimes contradictory backstories, nobody knows if they're true.Harley Quinn: Joker told me things, secret things he never told anyone... Batman: What did he tell you, Harley? Was it the line about the abusive father, or the one about the alcoholic mom? Of course, the runaway orphan story is particularly moving, too. He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one. What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes... 'There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven...' Harley: (crying) Circus... He told me it was the circus. Batman: He's got a million of them, Harley.

Acquired Poison Immunity: In many continuities, he's immune to his trademark Joker Venom/Smilex. In a crossover comic with Captain America, he also proves to be immune to Red Skull's "Dust of Death", as their trademark poisons are too similar to each other.

Ambiguous Disorder: He's undeniably insane and Ax-Crazy, but has no official diagnosis. If anything, he can just be diagnosed with "Being the Joker". However, it’s possible he’s perfectly sane and just The Sociopath, and is using his manipulation abilities to continue his reign of terror.

Ambiguous Start of Darkness: Related to his Multiple-Choice Past; the only thing consistent is that he was a low-level crook who got dunked in chemicals to become the Joker. C While some origins (most notably The Killing Joke) have him being forced into crime, others have him as already a sinister criminal beforehand. Batman (1989) and Batman: The Animated Series choose the Evil All Along interpretation.

Appropriated Appellation:

Arch-Enemy: A classic example to the Batman, and not just in the comics - they are pretty much the iconic gold standard when it comes to this trope. The two of them are the page image for a reason.

Attention Whore: A big part of his motivation in various continuities. He even admits as such at one point, while denying he's not behind one particular crime.Joker: Do you really think I would stir up so much trouble and not make sure you knew it was me?

Ax-Crazy: One of his main characteristics is his willingness to psycho on anyone, including his own henchmen.

Bad Boss: Willing to casually kill his own henchmen for any reason, be it part of a plan, for amusement, or simply on a whim.

Bad People Abuse Animals: Defied by The Joker in at least one story (Emperor Joker). Evil Jimmy Olson kills Superman, who has been turned into a dog, by crushing him underneath a fire hydrant. The Joker is simply annoyed, because he doesn't know how to make something as pointless as beating a dumb animal funny. Jimmy Olson is then beaten to death by two giant robots who appear out of nowhere.

Believing Their Own Lies: He sometimes believes his Multiple-Choice Past, Depending on the Writer of course. One issue of the Robin Series had the Joker actually in tears as he told the psychiatrist of his abusive childhood, only for the psychiatrist to coldly point out that it's the seventh story he's told now.

Berserk Button:

Black Comedy: This is one of Joker’s specialties. To normal people, killing would be a terrible thing, but to Joker, it’s hilarious, especially if he does it in a way that amuses him.

Bond Villain Stupidity: In a "Detective Comics" story written by Paul Dini, the Joker (while impersonating a stage magician he had previously murdered) shot Zatanna in the throat so she couldn't recite a spell to save herself, then locked her in a tank of water while strapping Batman in an electric chair. He didn't shoot her in the head because he wanted Batman to watch helplessly as she died. This didn't go so well because first, he's BATMAN! and second, Zatanna was able to write a healing incantation on the lid of the tank using her own blood, which made the spell even more powerful.

Boring Insult: While the Joker has used it a few times on others, he mostly does it to hear the sound of his own voice as the people he usually slings this insult at don't really care whether or not they're boring. On the other hand, this is Joker's Berserk Button when others use it against him. Most notably, he reacts poorly when Terry deliberately exploits this flaw with glee and even rubs it in his face in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. After all, the natural enemy of a comedian is The Heckler.

Breakout Villain: The Trope Codifier for comics. DC's initial intention was to kill him off in his second appearance. Fortunately, editor Whitney Ellsworth convinced DC to spare him, a panel was hastily added to show that he'd survived, and the Joker rapidly became not only Batman's Arch-Enemy, but arguably the most iconic example of an Arch-Enemy in all of fiction.

Break the Comedian: A sure way to determined if things have gotten real, even for the Joker, is if he isn't laughing or joking. A famous example involved the Joker being frightened during the events of Alan Moore's Swamp Thing run, when he was horrified by Arcane's actions.

Clear My Name: The Brave and the Bold has him framed for several murders and he must use Batman's help.

Collective Identity: As revealed in Darkseid War and DC Rebirth, the Joker has been used by three people, though Batman: Three Jokers clarified it as this: The Criminal (the original "Golden Age" Joker from the character's debut in Batman #1), The Clown (the "Silver Age" Joker, strongly implied to be the one who killed Jason Todd), and The Comedian (the current "Modern Age" Joker, who kidnapped and tormented Jim Gordon).

Combat Pragmatist : While his fighting prowess varies from remarkably proficient to extremely weak Depending on the Writer, the Joker is a consistently dirty fighter, striking enemies when and where they are most vulnerable. Besides his myriad of gag gadgets, he often carries concealed weapons, gases and acids on his person, and won't hesitate to brandish a wrench or smash a chair over your head in a pinch. He is usually adept with knives and, unlike Batman, rarely has any reservations about firearms. He has no qualms kicking an opponent when they're down, and will employ deception, feigning surrender or defeat to get Batman to lower his guard.

Comic-Book Fantasy Casting:

Confusion Fu: This is often his last line of defense when Batman corners him, especially in the animated television shows. Effectiveness varies.

Cop Killer: Sometimes police officers are among the Joker's victims:

Create Your Own Villain: Most stories posit he was chased by Batman through a factory with No OSHA Compliance, which caused him to be exposed to acid, discoloring his skin and hair and driving him insane when he sees his reflection. Often he claims Batman is responsible for turning him into The Joker.

Creepy High-Pitched Voice: In voiced roles, he usually has a high-pitched voice to contrast Batman's Badass Baritone.

Crossover Villain-in-Chief: In DC's Crisis Crossover events that involve a lot of villains, like Salvation Run and Forever Evil, The Joker usually fills this role along with Lex Luthor.

Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Insanity aside, sometimes the Joker's plans and methods are so out there they just seem stupid. Despite appearances, he's usually very cunning, and always very dangerous. In fact, part and parcel of what makes the Joker's plans devastating is that he knows how to hide the punchline for lack of a better word. The plans are so innocuous, so disheveled and so utterly random that they usually have no sane MO, which makes it hard to see the bigger picture of the plan unless Batman pieces it together quickly.

Critical Psychoanalysis Failure: Happens frequently, though this may be an indication of the competence of the staff at Arkham. One such time was with Dr. Harleen Quinzel, who bought his story hook, line and sinker and declared him sane, then broke him out of Arkham and started dating him (of course, her exact analysis was that he was utilizing Obfuscating Insanity and it's implied that she was actually right, so perhaps she was the only good doctor at Arkham after all...)

Deadly Prank: He generally considers murdering someone for a joke to be morally no different than putting a whoopie cushion on their chair.

Depending on the Artist: His depiction varies a lot between eras and between different artists in the same period. Major differences are whether he can form facial expressions other than a grin, and whether he is average-sized or freakishly tall and thin.

Depending on the Writer: There are many huge variations, the most common and glaring being:

Depraved Homosexual: Not above invoking this deliberately to get under Batman's skin. Whether he means all his flirting and feel-copping varies slightly Depending on the Writer and heavily depending on one's own interpretation.

Diplomatic Impunity: In A Death in the Family, Ayatollah Khomeini appoints him the UN ambassador to Iran, giving him diplomatic immunity. This was later retconned to the fictional Syraq due to reasons of taste.

Dirty Coward: There is a common misconception that Joker has no regard for his own life and doesn't care if he dies or not. In actuality he does care, and the reason he keeps taunting morally good characters into killing him is because he's confident that they don't have the guts to off him. When he comes across someone who is willing to kill him, he shows his true colors as a sniveling little coward where he starts pleading for his life.The Punisher: I got all the therapy you need right here, comedian.The Joker: You're really going to do it.

Disproportionate Retribution: Has been known to try to kill people for minor slights, such as welshing on a bet on a sporting event for trivial stakes.

Domestic Abuse: This characterizes his relationship with his "henchwench" Harley Quinn to a T. Joker frequently yells at her, puts her down, humiliates her, and exposes her to all manner of violence ranging from "merely" slapping or punching her to outright trying to murder her. Such is her Mad Love that she ignored his abuse for most of her existence in comic history, with the two only separating in the late 2010s.

The Dreaded: Easily one of the most feared villains in the entire DC universe. Other villains are afraid of him; it's been said that when criminals want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories.

Driven to Madness: Doing this to others has become part of his MO. What triggered his own insanity and belief in nihilism remains unknown.

Early Installment Weirdness: Just take a gander at his earliest appearances:

Electric Joybuzzer: One of his signature weapons, a lethal variation, most memorably used in Batman (1989). He ended up Hoist by His Own Petard when trying to use it on Static.Static: That was fun. Let me try! (BZZZZT!) (Batman approves.)

Enemy Mine:

Even Evil Has Standards: Oddly enough, this trope does occasionally apply to him.

Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Completely averted with Harley. He physically and emotionally abuses her and tried to kill her on numerous occasions. They eventually break up in the New 52 continuity.

Evil All Along: Some versions, such as the DC Animated Universe and Batman (1989), go with the interpretation that the Joker was evil, if not outright Ax-Crazy, even before his fateful transformation, with the chemicals just making him worse.

Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: The Joker is Nihilism Incarnate: he believes that life is pointless and insane, and the only thing anyone can do is give into the madness. Life is a joke, and once he got the joke he never stopped laughing at it. One of the reasons he's obsessed with Batman is because Batman is The Anti-Nihilist: Batman also thinks, to some degree at least, that life is meaningless. But rather than embrace the madness, Batman fights against it, trying to bring order to chaos through his heroic actions. So Batman got the joke too, but he's not laughing, and the Joker doesn't understand why.

Evil Genius: Though rarely the focus of his character, Joker is usually an extremely gifted chemist, constantly creating new and better versions of his signature laughing gas. He's also (unsurprisingly) a skilled planner on par with Batman himself, in addition to being extremely charismatic and manipulative when he wants to be.

Evil Is Petty: Joker truly sees no difference between throwing cream pies, robbing a museum, and brutal, torturous mass-murder. To him, it's all just part of the joke.

Evil Sounds Deep: Jack Nicholson in Batman (1989) and Kevin Michael Richardson in The Batman both give the Joker a deep, sinister voice, contrasting his usual higher-pitched depictions in other works.

Facial Horror: His iconic "perma-clown" appearance (the green hair, chalk-white skin, and most of the time, red lips) is the result of being submerged in a tank of chemicals. However, there was times this has gotten worse.

Fame Through Infamy: He's practically built a career on crimes designed more to spread his infamy than anything else. Perhaps his true illness is that he is an Attention Whore through and through...

Faux Affably Evil: Often addresses others in a polite and friendly way before he unleashes merry hell on them.

Flanderization: Over the years, his actions have become almost exclusively focused on causing as much carnage and chaos as possible or harassing Batman and his allies rather than performing any non-lethal mischief or practical crime.

Foe Romance Subtext: Sometimes will mess with Batman's mind by calling him by pet names or using innuendo. Or outright groping him. According to later writers, Joker regards their hero/villain dynamic as a very special relationship, and resents anyone or thing that gets in the way of it (like all those family members Bruce enjoys hanging out with), which is disturbingly like a jealous lover.

Foil: To Batman in several ways. If the origin offered in Killing Joke is to be believed, both Batman and Joker had one bad day that put them on very different paths.

For the Evulz: The usual motives of the Joker. Many of his crimes always involve sowing chaos and the schadenfreude of other people's misery.

Freudian Excuse: Even he isn't sure of his own history and will crop up multiple reasons for his insanity. The most accepted version is that he was a thug named the Red Hood who gets disfigured falling into a vat while trying to escape Batman. His backstory still remains a mystery.

Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: Best displayed in The Killing Joke: Joker's "one bad day" is just an excuse, as he neither knows nor cares if it actually happened that way, and Batman confronts him on how his attempt to similarly break Commissioner Gordon failed.Batman: Despite all your sick, vicious little games, he's as sane as he ever was! So maybe ordinary people don't always crack. Maybe there isn't any need to crawl under a rock with all the other slimey things when trouble hits. Maybe it was just you, all the time!

The Friend Nobody Likes: Often plays this role among villain team-ups. It's implied that the only reason the other DC villains ever invite him to things is because they're terrified of what he'll do to them if he's not. Alexander Luthor Jr.'s death at the end of Infinite Crisis is brought about because, as Lex Luthor puts it:Luthor: You made one big mistake. You didn't let the Joker play.

From Nobody to Nightmare: The key thing about his Multiple-Choice Past is that nobody really knows who he was before he put on the Red Hood and fell into a vat of acid. As such, Joker was literally a nobody... who turned into the DC Universe's scariest villain, and who at times has upstaged even Brainiac or Darkseid.

Frozen Face: Most depictions have his face as such, with his massive rictus grin being something he can't really stop doing.

Gadgeteer Genius: While he seems to be a chemist first and foremost, the Joker has no trouble coming up with a range of tools and weapons of his own design and is easily as smart as Batman in this area. Other stories show that he has a solid enough understanding of such varied fields as engineering, computers and even robotics that he can at least hijack the sophisticated inventions of others and use them for his own ends with no difficulty whatsoever, and he is generally implied (though rarely outright stated) to have had a scientific background prior to becoming the Clown Prince of Crime.

Glasgow Grin: Heath Ledger's portrayal features very noticeable scarring from such wounds and tells two conflicting stories of how he got them. Sometimes, Depending on the Artist, the Joker has one in the comics, usually in out-of-continuity stories.

Gonk: Depending on the Artist, he varies from "disfigured, but still fairly handsome" to "barely passes for human", the latter cases usually feature him with a really long and narrow nose and a huge, exaggerated mouth with a permanent Slasher Smile.

Guest Fighter: After making appearances in the previous crossover and being a major player in NetherRealm's other big series, Joker shows up in Mortal Kombat 11 all on his own, freed from the restrictions of a Teen rating and able to showcase the true depths of his depraved bloodlust.

Handshake of Doom: Often kills unsuspecting victims by offering a handshake. When the other person grabs his hand, their palm is pricked by a device that resembles a joy buzzer, which injects deadly venom into their blood stream.

Hate Sink: Posthumously, his Injustice-verse incarnation is the primary target for audience scorn and gets saddled with this role by everyone in the game, its sequel, and the tie-in comics — the version from the Injustice-verse itself, at least. This is because he tricked Superman into killing his own wife Lois Lane and nuking Metropolis, then pulling a Strike Me Down with All of Your Hatred on the poor guy who that set him on the path to becoming a tyrant, all for the sake of doing it, and because he was tired of losing to Batman, so he decided to go after an easier target. His role as The Corrupter to Harley is explained to make her redemption feel more plausible, as even she has come to despise him for his actions. In particular, while Superman does terrible things, he is portrayed as a Tragic Villain due to the losses he suffered before becoming a bad guy, and as such, his killing of the Joker is always played for maximum pathos. Even villains as despicable as Brainiac, Darkseid and Gorilla Grodd openly despise him. This even continues into his Guest Fighter appearance in Mortal Kombat 11note , where even the likes of Kano, Shang Tsung and Shao Kahn can't stand him.

Human Head on the Wall: There's a rather famous piece of comic book artwork◊ drawn by Brian Bolland featuring The Joker lounging in a chair in front of a trophy wall mounted with the decapitated heads of various DC heroes and villains, all of them painted white and their faces distorted into a smile like the Joker himself. It's even been parodied a bunch of times with other comic supervillains sitting in Joker's place.

Iconic Outfit:

I'm a Humanitarian: There have been a few times when the Joker engaged in cannibalism, such as an issue of Grant Morrison's JLAnote after Day Of Judgment, where upon the reveal that the Martian Manhunter took the League and the now Hal Jordan hosted-Spectre into the Joker's head, the Joker lamented eating a man's tongue raw. Additionally, an infamous bit in Emperor Joker has the Joker eat all of China while he had Mr. Mxyzptlk's powers.

Insane No More: Is cured by Batman forcing unknown pills down his throat in the non-canon Batman: White Knight, causing him go back to his real name, Jack Napier, make a Heel–Face Turn and accuse Batman of being part of the problem (he's also considerably better than the usual Joker, being closer to the earlier trickster personality).

I've Come Too Far: At the end of The Killing Joke, Batman tries to reason with the Joker, insisting that they've got to stop before one of them kills the other and offering to help rehabilitate him. Joker briefly considers the offer before solemnly turning it down.Joker: No. I'm sorry, but... no. It's too late for that. Far too late.

It Amused Me: His raison d'etre. Why kill people in horrific ways, ruin their lives, and generally make the entire universe a worse place than he left it? Because it's funny.

Jekyll & Hyde: Inverted in the case of Batman: White Knight, where taking pills cures Joker of his insanity and brings back his original Jack Napier persona. However, if he fails to take the pills, the Joker resurfaces, which is exactly what happens in Batman: Curse of the White Knight, and he's much worse than before.

Jerkass: Though that is a total understatement, Joker still more or less counts as one. When he isn't killing or torturing people for his own amusement, he's taunting them and trying get under other people's skin.

Joker Immunity: The trope namer. He was originally conceived as a one-off villain but proved too interesting a character to be killed off so quickly, and a last-minute edit had him survive instead. He's so famous for this that most works that kill him off, the audience doesn't buy it, and it serves as an effective twist the rare times when he is Killed Off for Real. But even those rare occasions may continue to feature him in flashbacks or hallucinations as a Posthumous Character.

Knife Nut: In many appearances, knives are his Weapon of Choice, either to disfigure his victims or kill his foes. Often both.The Joker: Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too... quick. You can't savor all the little emotions. You see, in their last moments, people show you who you really are.

Large Ham: Holy shit, yes. He has an enormous sense of showmanship and is seen cracking Black Comedy jokes every minute, and it's a nigh-guarantee that whoever is portraying him will be munching the scenery to the very structure. Most especially the case if it happens to be Mark Hamill.

Laser-Guided Broadcast: In comic books as well in most of the media, when The Joker takes the control of TV and makes one of his menaces to threat and/or destroy Gotham City, good part of his message goes directly to Batman by tempting him to stop his plans, where usually destroy the city is just a secondary plan, getting/trapping/killing Batman as his real main plan.

Legacy Character: The idea of multiple Jokers is used in Gotham. There are two Jokers - Jerome Valeska, and his twin brother Jeremiah Valeska. The former is a deranged mass murderer who spread madness through Gotham. The latter is the actual Joker who becomes Batman's Arch-Enemy, and is even more dangerous than his predecessor.

Lethal Joke Character: In-Universe. Those unfamiliar with him tend to write him off as just some fool dressed as a clown, only to realize very quickly why they should keep their guard up around him. He's still one of the most dangerous characters in the DC Universe, despite existing in a world filled with super-humans and gods.

Master of Disguise: A talent he possesses even in his earliest stories. Joker is an expert with make-up, costumes and impersonations and has posed as everything from police officers to doctors to even Batman himself. He can go to extremely elaborate lengths to pull off his deceptions too, fabricating entire backstories and staying in-character for months at a time to see his plans through.

Mirthless Laughter: The Joker's constantly laughing, either at the pain and misery of others, the pain and misery he inflicts on others, or even his own pain. However, as describe by many and offered by the reader based on his scenes and what he does, there is NEVER any joy in his laughter. Never any real happiness. Just cruelty and mockery of pain and sorrow. If he does indeed have a tragic backstory that caused his madness, then this makes sense as he has chosen to laugh instead of cry. His statement about how the universe should end "so there won't be anymore people like me" during the Emperor Joker storyline lends weight to him being a Sad Clown.

Misanthrope Supreme: While it's not evident given Joker's Laughing Mad demeanor and his penchant for macabre jokes usually at the life and limb expense of someone else, Joker is actually absolutely full of hatred and spite towards basically everyone and the entire world. Several stories have gone into this and it's implied that the Joker finds it so easy to kill everyone around him, not because he feels nothing for them, but in fact because he loathes everyone aside from his twisted relationship with Batman.

Moment of Lucidity: There've been a few times when outside forces have sent him into a fit of temporary sanity over the years.

Monster Clown: One of the classic examples.

Multiple-Choice Past: Practically the poster child and possible trope namer. Even he isn't sure of his own history. The most accepted version introduced in Detective Comic #168 (1951) has him as a thug named the Red Hood who jumps into a vat of chemicals to escape Batman, disfiguring him and inspiring him to adopt the name Joker. Why he went by the name the Red Hood has changed over the years: The Killing Joke claims he was a failed comedian pressured into becoming a criminal to support his pregnant wife. The trauma of his disfigurement from jumping in the acid and his wife's earlier accidental death drove him insane. However, even this backstory is questionable, as the Joker himself calls it "multiple choice".

My God, What Have I Done?: Whenever he is made temporarily sane, most notably by a Lazarus pit after Ra's Al Ghul killed him after a Villain Team-Up and in JLA #15 during the Rock of Ages storyline, Joker usually expresses deep remorse for his crimes. Unfortunately it never lasts.

The Nicknamer: He's prone to giving nicknames to allies and enemies alike. Sometimes affectionate, sometimes snarky, but always undesired. Calling Batman "Batsy" or "Bats" and Robin "boy blunder" are probably his most iconic.

No Celebrities Were Harmed: Some of the Joker's victims fall into this.

No Name Given: The Joker is the only Batman villain who doesn't have an official real identity. However, there are three occasions where names have been used. The Jack Nicholson version used the name "Jack Napier", which was briefly mentioned in the Animated Series episode "Dreams In Darkness" since the series was partially based on the movie, albeit the doctors list it as one of his aliases. The Gotham version played by Cameron Monaghan gives him the name Jeremiah Valeska. The Joaquin Phoenix version used the name "Arthur Fleck", though the movie raises the question that he doesn't know who his father is, so 'Fleck' might not even be his surname. The Telltale series plays with this by 'naming' him 'John Doe' - which is just a stand-in name police/hospitals use when they don't know someone's identity. While he still has no official name to this day, it's general fan consensus that it's either Jack Napier or just Jack.

Not a Mask: Sometimes he pretends to wear makeup, but it ain't makeup. Jack Nicholson's version wore flesh-tone makeup over his pale skin several times after his transformation. Though, this is Depending on the Writer, as Heath Ledger's depiction does wear makeup. It's unclear if this is the case for Caesar Romero's depiction, as Romero's mustache is visible at times (he refused to shave for the part).

Not Me This Time: Though he certainly wouldn't mind committing them, he's been framed for murders he didn't commit several times, such as by James Gordon Jr.

Obfuscating Insanity: Zig Zagged Trope / Depending on the Writer. Some stories claims The Joker is actually sane, but pretends to be otherwise to avoid the death penalty. Others says he is genuinely crazy. It must be noted that Joker, like other Batman villains, was only identified as insane from the 70s onwards by various writers.note

Offscreen Villain Dark Matter: Despite the Joker's infamous reputation and violent instability he never has any issues finding new henchmen for his schemes nor does he ever has any issues finding the resources needed to pull off his often convoluted plans and he's often able to do it all without attracting the attention of Batman or the authorities until he's ready for them.

OOC Is Serious Business: A general rule of thumb: If the Joker isn't smiling, something very bad is about to happen.

The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Pretty much sums up his feelings towards Batman. He often flies into a rage whenever someone else attempts to kill Batman when in his company, and whenever Batman (seemingly) dies he has a tendency to completely snap and turn sane. This actually goes the other direction as well: the Joker feels that Batman is the only one allowed to defeat him, and it's shown he's terrified of someone else doing him in in some continuities.

Outside-Context Problem: A recurring theme of Joker's "first appearance" stories in various adaptations is that nobody in Gotham is prepared for a guy who's only in it For the Evulz. Also, the Joker himself likes to find these, and exploit them.

Phrase Catcher: Back in his prankster phase during the Silver Age, whenever one of Joker's capers got foiled, someone would inevitably trot out the line "The joke's on you, Joker!" For obvious reasons, his current Monster Clown incarnation doesn't get this nearly as often.

Pimp Duds: He sometimes accessorizes his purple suit with a very wide-brimmed hat, which makes the ensemble look like a stereotypical pimp costume. Jared Leto's turn in Suicide Squad (2016) runs with this in his dynamic with Harley Quinn.

Pre-Insanity Reveal: The Joker, depending on the version, may have been an ordinary comedian before he went crazy and became a super-villain.

Purple Is Powerful: Purple is one of Joker's three colors (along with white and green) and he is powerful.

Psychopathic Manchild: For starters, when Batman is telling Joker to stay away from the Gordons after he apparently hurt Gordon's wife (it was actually his son, Gordon Jr. who did the deed), Joker commented that he didn't do anything to "the old bitch", and starts commenting to Batman that he misses the old Batman, and commented that he "doesn't want to go to bed yet" and that he "wants to play."

Redemption Rejection: In The Killing Joke, Batman defeats the Joker once again and then desparately pleads with him to accept help recovering from his madness before they eventually kill each other. In one of his rare, completely serious moments, the Joker sincerely apologizes and tells Batman that it's far too late for that.

The Resenter: Joker has often shown resentment towards people in many ways in different stories. The best example is him being resentful of anyone who garners more attention from Batman than him and anyone he sees as "stealing his act", i.e. being a laughing mad, jokey maniac cramping his style (The Creeper in Batman TAS). Regardless, many of his crimes and attitudes often carry an undercurrent or resentment be it towards to Bat-family because he resents sharing Batman with anyone or normal people for living their mundane lives free of care. Given how much spite seems to fuel his rampages, Joker's probably got a mountain of resentment inside of him.

Restoration of Sanity: On occasion, Joker's sanity will suddenly return to him, usually in stories where Batman retires or is believed to have died. His reactions tend to vary - sometimes we don't see how he reacts to what he did, but other times he actually shows genuine regret for his actions. Of course, these never tend to stick.

The Reveal: When Batman sat in Metron's chair in Darkseid War, one of the questions he asked was who the Joker was and the answer freaked him out. In DC Rebirth, it's revealed why:  The Joker is a Legacy Character: the Joker responsible for Death of the Family and Batman: Endgame is not the same man who crippled Barbara Gordon—and neither of them are the original Joker.

Riddle for the Ages: Being the Trope Namer for Multiple-Choice Past, it's unknown who he was before falling into an acid tank and whether he was nuts even before being dunked. He even believes his origins, Depending on the Writer of course.Joker: They throw me out, and I had a wife and an unborn child… or it was two cows and a goat? Sometimes it's so confusing…

Rule of Funny: One of his primary themes (alongside insanity), as explained in Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?: "Kid. I'm the Joker. I don't just randomly kill people. I kill people when it's funny. What would conceivably be funny about killing you?"

Secret Identity Apathy: In most continuities, he simply doesn't care about Batman's Secret Identity, understanding that Batman is the true face and not the man behind the mask. It's shown sometimes that the Joker will actually be upset if someone outs Batman's identity to him, usually because it spoils their dynamic in some way. When Scarecrow pulls off Bruce's mask in Harley Quinn, it practically triggers a Villainous Breakdown.Joker: Half the fun of our relationship was the mystery! Now I know Batman is just some boring, rich asshole with parental issues!

Self-Made Orphan: In The Brave and the Bold #31, Atom reads his mind and sees The Joker burning his parents alive after they catch him killing animals.

Slasher Smile: He wears one almost by default. Reportedly, it was inspired by this photo◊ of Conrad Veidt in character as Gwynplaine (a man with a disfigured face, causing him to have a perpetual grin) in The Man Who Laughs by Victor Hugo.

The Sociopath: A skilled and gleeful manipulator, a vicious butcher who brutally tortures and murders others simply because he thinks it’s funny, extraordinarily impulsive given that he’s prone to turning his murderous urges on his own men on a whim or because one upset him in some way, shape or form, and has not even the vaguest notion of empathy, neither for his men or his victims.

The Spook: His backstory is an eternal Riddle for the Ages. DC Comics refuses to take an official stance on this.

Start of Darkness: Detective Comics #168 posits he was a laboratory worker who becomes the Red Hood in order to steal a million dollars from his employers and retire. In The Killing Joke he quits his job to become a comedian, but fails and is coerced by mobsters to commit a robbery, becoming the Red Hood. His disfigurement and (in The Killing Joke) his wife's death earlier in the story destroy what little was left of his sanity and he becomes The Joker. Maybe.

Stealing the Handicapped Spot: He doesn't do this. Rather, he hates it when other people do it and finds it hilarious to horrifically cripple them so they can legitimately park in handicapped spots.

Straw Nihilist: Provides the trope image and is the poster child for this. He claims that everything in life is just "one big joke" and death is the ultimate punchline. Joker also believes that "a bad day" is more than enough for anyone to turn out like him. This is shown notably in Injustice: Gods Among Us, The Killing Joke, and The Dark Knight. The Red Lantern Atrocitus even wonders what drove Joker to nihilism during an intro banter with the clown in Injustice 2.

Strong as They Need to Be: His fighting skills fluctuate wildly. Sometimes, Joker is an excellent fighter who can actually defeat Batman in a straight-up fight, whereas most writers prefer to present him as so weak that he can be knocked out cold with one punch.

Stupid Evil: Depending on the writer, The Joker can sometimes fall under this, where his cruelty and sadism tend to lead to his own death at the hands of all the people he's wronged.

To Create a Playground for Evil: His motivation in stories like Emperor Joker.

Too Kinky to Torture: The Joker has shown a proclivity for this over the years. At one point, the Joker berated a man who'd captured him for only hitting him in the face and The Dark Knight similarly sees the Joker berate Batman during the the latter's beating of him. He also enjoyed his and Bruce's final fight in The Dark Knight Returns. Salvation Run had established the Joker's been in constant pain since he took his fateful dive into the vat of chemicals that altered his appearance and not only had gotten used to it, but grew to enjoy it. This quote from The Dark Knight sums it up perfectly: Stephens: I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who would just enjoy it.

Tombstone Teeth: He is often drawn with too many too-long teeth as part of his trademark rictus grin, highlighting his nature as a psychotic and sadistic killer.

Troll: Most incarnations of the Joker dress themselves as being a lethal one of these. The best example is his DC Animated Universe version, who tailored each of his schemes as a joke or a prank, and sometimes even lectured his underlings on the importance of proper buildup and delivery when telling a joke. Batman in particular is the Joker's preferred victim, and many a Joker has refused to kill or unmask a Batman dead to rights, simply because it would spoil the fun of trolling him. But when others upstage or taunt him, he really goes nuts, as it's one of his Berserk Buttons.

Unreliable Narrator: Even he isn't sure of his own history, so anything he claims is suspect at best.

Villain Has a Point: Given his devotion to Rule of Funny, he's quite knowledgeable on what makes successful comedy, as seen with the featured image on Don't Explain the Joke.

Villain Song: There's no other villain who has belted out as many memorable music moments, not even the Music Meister. Three of them incidentally were sung by Mark Hamill behind the mic:

Villainous Aromantic Asexual: He is shown to be more interested in his schemes and mayhem rather than sex. He has had sex with Harley, but it is implied that it's more for her rather than his own enjoyment. He has actively ignored her when he simply wants to work on his schemes, even when she's in the translucent red night dress.

Villainous Friendship: No matter how bad things turned out last time, Lex Luthor and Joker will always work together again. Played With, as it isn’t just because of friendship. As Luthor himself notes in the ending of Infinite Crisis, you always "let the Joker play," lest he come after you for revenge later on for leaving him out.

Villainous Harlequin: He was this during the Silver Age. He is also this in Batman (1966) and Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

Villainous Rescue: In Dark Nights: Metal, The Joker pulls this off by teaming up with Batman to defeat the Batman Who Laughs, Batman knowing that a jokerized Batman would have the upper hand teams up with the Joker. It is so unexpected that the Batman Who Laughs, who is still prepared for anything Batman would conceivably think of, is unable to counter it let alone even consider it a possibility.

Villain Protagonist: He was the star of his own nine issue self-titled series from 1975 to 1976. In order to adhere to the Comics Code Authority, The Bad Guy Wins was never in effect - while he usually managed to get one over on other villains, each issue would end the Joker being apprehended for his crimes. He also got his own movie in which Batman didn't even exist yet, delving deep into what someone would have to go through to become the Joker.

Weapon of Choice: The acid-spitting flower, Smilex/Joker Venom... and simple crowbars, established by how he killed Jason Todd.

You Gotta Have Blue Hair: He has neon green hair caused by the chemicals he fell into.

[cssns]

Hello everyone! We are BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

It is that time again! Time for the monthly roundup for July and to look ahead to what’s coming up in August! 

So y’all buckle up! We will start with those fics and art that dropped in July, then highlight the MC’s that updated in July. We will end the post with what we have to look forward to for the rest of the event! We had some INCREDIBLE fics and art drop in July and we have a lot more to look forward to in August! Make sure and let the authors and artists know how much you’re enjoying their hard work!!! So without further ado, HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

@snowbellewells started us off this month with Face to Face in the Broad Daylight, a sequel to her CSSNS submission from last year, Run to Me (In the Dead of Night). Beautiful artwork by @branlovestowrite! Rated T with 4 chapters so far.

@thejollyroger-writer gave us Love After Death: The Afterlife Hotel. A one shot and a bit of a different take on the soulmate trope with absolutely perfect artwork by @captainsjedi.

Emma Swan has spent sixty years in the afterlife believing she was never going to meet her real soulmate, after believing in the wrong name tattooed on her wrist. But when she keeps seeing the same new guest of the Afterlife Hotel around, might she be able to learn how to love again? Rated T

@gingerchangeling presented us with Luck of the Irish with lovely artwork by @resident-of-storybrooke

Emma needs parent volunteer hours. So she offers to chaperon Henry's upcoming field trip to the museum. Its just a pack of prepubescent angst ridden children, an exhibit about dead people, and a rock used in blood sacrifices with a curse carved into it. What's the worst that could happen? Rated M with 1 chapter so far.

@jarienn972 gave us A Simple Spell with beautiful artwork by @cocohook38

This story is my entry into the 2019 Captain Swan Supernatural Summer event and is my first venture into AU territory. Storybrooke remains our setting but I've switched up some of the characters and familial relations to better suit this tale of prodigal witch Emma who returns to her birthplace to learn lots of secrets about herself and cast a spell that could change everything. Rated T with 3 chapters so far.

@profdanglaisstuff presented us with The Very Witching Time with incredible  artwork by @gingerchangeling and extra artwork by @mariakov81.

Emma Swan is a hereditary witch, last in a long line of wise women who for centuries have guarded the coast of Maine and the small village of Storybrooke with their homemade cures and their ancient magic. She holds the delicate balance between magic and mundane, but now that balance is threatened by a new foe, one capable of bringing an end to everything Emma is and everything she loves. To defeat it she will need all her power, help from her friends and neighbours, and the loyalty of a very unusual dog who answers to the name of Killian. Rated M with 3 of 4 chapters so far.

@searchingwardrobes gave us An Education in Southern Gothic with some seriously spooky artwork by @hollyethecurious

Fact: there’s a graveyard between the football field and the science building. Debatable: a ghost haunts the halls of Misthaven Hills High. Emma Swan is about to get an education. Killian Jones is about to get a whole lot more. Rated T COMPLETE

@spartanguard presented us with Sick of Love with lovely artwork by @sherlockianwhovian

If Emma’s not careful, she just might bump into her soulmate. Physically. And while she might like the idea of what comes with that—an almost psychic connection whenever they make skin contact—she’d rather not deal with the awful withdrawal sickness that can come when they inevitably leave her; she’s got a son, so she doesn’t have time for that. So she keeps herself covered and thinks she’ll be okay. Until she meets Killian, who does the same thing. Will their barriers protect them, or just hurt them more? Rated M with 2 of 3 chapters so far.

@snidgetsafan gave us Whom the Gods Love Die Young with beautiful artwork by @tennant-the-tigger

The bride bit into the shiny red apple as everyone cheered around her, the wedding ceremony ending with this ritual gesture. The clapping and hurrahs soon turned to screams of horror as Snow dropped the apple, choking and clutching her throat as she fell in her groom’s arms, a last I love you leaving her lips before she died, David’s screams the loudest of all.

David and Emma travel to the Underworld to claim back Snow after her untimely death. In order to do so, they're going to have to face the dark and mysterious God of the Underworld and complete his challenges.

Seems simple enough until you add magic, divine quarrels, and the worst thing of all: feelings. Rated G (for the moment) with one chapter so far

@snowbellewells gave us a second fic this month as well! A Story Told at Last with gorgeous artwork by @branlovestowrite

Historical Literature Professor Henry Mills has the chance of a lifetime before him. He might finally uncover the truth of a folktale that has intrigued him for years. But, when the whole story comes to light, will he be able to accept the story that needs to be told? Rated T with a prologue so far and two parts yet to come.

@thejollyroger-writer gifted us a second fic this month too! What Happened in Berkshire. Artwork coming soon by @captainsjedi.

When Emma’s boyfriend leaves her for the woman he’s been cheating with, she accepts an offer from her hospital to move to England. While she is out celebrating her thirtieth birthday with her friends before they head back to America, she drunkenly kisses the statue of Captain Hook in front of Eton College, and he comes to life. Together, he and Emma try to figure out what this curse means for them by searching for the witch that cursed him in the first place — are they really True Love, as he wants to believe they are, or did Emma’s magic go awry? Rated G with one chapter so far. Part 2 coming soon.

We also had original art drop from @eastwesthomeisbest called The Love of the Samodiva Pts1 and 2.

In Bulgarian folklore Samodiva is an ethereal female wood nymph. She is unearthly beautiful and eternally young. Her hair is blond and long, her waist is thin and petite, her eyes can bewitch and dazzle or even kill. Any man who lays eyes on her instantly falls in love. Samodivas’ attire consists of long white gowns and shirts and a rainbow-coloured or green belt. They have a white mantel, also called a shadow, in which their power lies. They like to ride deer, using twisted snakes for reins and often carry with them bows and arrows.

If a huntsman accidentally kills a samodiva’s deer, she will make him blind or give him a disease which will inevitably lead to his death.

The wood nymphs live in dark forests, in big old trees, caves or forgotten huts which are near water sources, wells or rivers.

Samodivas can be spotted from spring to autumn. In winter they live in the mythical village Zmeykovo, which is located at the edge of the world and is a home to many mythical creatures. When they are on earth they are active at night and disappear immediately when the sun comes out, because they fear it.

At twilight, the samodivas go to fresh water sources, strip naked, wash themselves and their clothes which they lay out to dry in the moonlight. They keep a watchful eye on their drying clothes, because if a man steals their mantle, where their power lies, they turn into normal women and have to obey the man. After washing themselves and their clothes, the samodivas gather around and start singing and dancing. It is known that the samodiva’s songs are the most beautiful and their dances are the most graceful. If a late traveller sees the samodivas’ dance, he is enticed to join them and dances with them from midnight to dawn. When the sun’s rays appear, the nymphs disappear in haste and leave the traveller to die from exhaustion. The samodivas love music and often kidnap shepherds, so that they can play kaval (shepherd’s pipe) for them while they dance.

Samodivas are not always harmful. Sometimes they appear like normal working women and help with the harvest. They would especially help women with children. If a man does something good for a samodiva, she becomes his patron or a sworn sister. Sometimes, a samodiva can fall in love with a human and bear him children, who grow up to be great heroes.

Samodivas are forest creatures and therefore knowledgeable about herbs and cures. However, they never share their secrets willingly. The only way to obtain their knowledge is to eavesdrop on one of their gatherings.

As you can see, we’ve had wonderful fics and art drop this month! And we also had several fics from June update, and also 2 fics from last years event!!!

@welllpthisishappening updated All Was Golden in the Sky many times! The story is complete and she updates regularly on Tuesday and Friday. We are about a third of the way through the entire fic. Ch 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Artwork by @resident-of-storybrooke and chapter art 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 9  by @distant-rose 

@let-it-raines had been updating Not Your (Soul)Mate chs 4 5 6 7 8 with artwork 1 2 3 by @captainsjedi.

@darkcolinodonorgasm updated One Day for us ch2 with gorgeous artwork by @sherlockianwhovian

Our two updated fics from last years event come to us courtesy of @kymbersmith-90 Divine Intervention ch7 with artwork by @hollyethecurious 

and 

@seriouslyhooked Lost Souls and Reveries ch19 with artwork by @shipsxahoy.

So that is all the fics and art that dropped or updated last month! And now, let’s look ahead to what we have to look forward to for the rest of the event!

Tomorrow @courtorderedcake will be dropping her first fic for the event Hallow with accompanying artwork. Her second fic, Roses will drop on Aug. 24 with artwork by @eastwesthomeisbest.

@searchingwardrobes will be dropping a Cupid and Psyche AU on Aug. 6, Until the Day Breaks and the Shadows Flee. Artwork by @hollyethecurious.

@ilovemesomekillianjones will be dropping a soulmate AU on Aug. 8. Artwork by @spartanguard.

@pirateherokillian will be dropping a modern day gods AU on Aug. 15. Artwork by @tennant-the-tigger.

@thejollyroger-writer will be dropping a THIRD one shot for us on Aug. 18. Artwork by @captainsjedi.

@wyntereyez will be dropping a werewolf Killian fic on Aug. 20. Artwork by @gingerchangeling.

@kymbersmith-90 will be dropping her fic on Aug 22. Artwork by @resident-of-storybrooke.

@whimsicallyenchantedrose will be dropping a Lord of the Rings inspired AU on Aug. 27. Artwork by @clockadile.

@lizzyc807shipscaptainswan will be dropping a vampire guardian angel fic on Aug. 29. Artwork by @courtorderedcake.

@teamhook will be closing out the event with her fic dropping on Sept. 2 Artwork by @hollyethecurious.

Ohhhh my WORD!!! Do we have some good stuff coming up!!!! I can’t wait for all this!!!! And of course, our other WIP’s will continue to update as well! Make sure that you let the authors and artists know how much you are enjoying their work! Sometimes it’s exactly that that keeps them motivated and posting! I’ll see you back here in a little over a month for the event roundup with links to everything that’s been posted since we started in June! Until then y’all!

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Moth Work Intro + False Idol | Writing Update

Hey People of Earth! 

Today I thought I’d do a writing update on a project I’ve mentioned a lot in my vlogs but haven’t mentioned as of yet on here! This is a personal ‘passion project’ that I’ve been picking away at since January and have recently taken on as my transition project from Rewired to my next book.

So yee! MOTH WORK (or ‘boys on a boat’ for those who keep up with the vlogs lols) has been my current project for the last few weeks since finishing REWIRED. I didn’t really mean to expand it as much as I have as it simply started off as a spinoff story of my boys Lonan and Harrison which I write every few months when I’m having a breakdown and need something to cheer me up. :-)

I’ve mentioned a few of these stories in the past (like Fishbowl and Mandarin), though this story is a bit different, as I’ve expanded it quite a lot more than I intended to! If you aren’t super caught up with Rewired, I’d definitely scroll through a few of my last updates so this one will make more sense! 

What’s it about? 

Moth Work is a FOSTERED spinoff story following Lonan and Harrison (dumb+dumber) at the peak of their relationship. I *was saying* that the plot went loosely as follows: after finding a photograph of a woman in Lonan’s father’s dark room, they set out to find her, HOWEVER, because I never stick to plans, I have yet to follow through with this main plot thread, lol. Vaguely, I’d just say the most important part of this story is their relationship at its most fragile because who is plot I don’t know her. 

Moth Work follows the events after REWIRED, and is a bit of a bridge between it and the next book. This makes it kind of hard to explain because a) it’s in a different POV, and b) context, but hopefully that makes sense! In essence: Lonan + Harrison’s relationship is big sad and Harrison tries to make it less big sad and it gets even more big sad. 

I’ll share a very quick profile of both of the boys so there’s some context for the following excerpts I’ll share!

Harrison

My boy

Generally very outgoing, tho around Lonan this fizzles. Only wants the best for Lonan despite their history. He’s the ‘main’ narrator of the piece (third limited to him though I’m guilty of head hopping lol), so the work has a softer tone than I’m used to. Though Harrison tries to be a Macho Man, around Lonan he’s most himself--mellow, a lil stupidly romantic, and vulnerable. 

Lonan

My problematic son/probably should be cancelled 

The “issue” in the relationship loool. He’s emotionally immature and lacks accountability, but because of his past, lacks the ability to recognize these faults and work on them. Because of this, he’s fundamentally stayed the same for the last few works he’s been in (if not gotten worse). Lonan requires a lot of emotional assistance, though he isn’t self-aware enough to recognize this. This is often the cause of much conflict. 

Conception:

Like I mentioned, I often write short spinoff stories following these boys because it’s a safe happy place for when I’m feeling stressed. This is basically how this piece started, though I’ve continued it for different reasons which I’ll get into. I don’t remember how the first scene was brainstormed, but I do know when I started writing this a few months ago, I wanted it to be a lot longer than my previous stories--a place where I could just dump my writing, even when it wasn’t good. I think I did this to cope with the stress of my writing class honestly, lol, I think I needed a break from ‘serious’ writing AKA a place I could just goof off and have some fun. 

The writing bit: 

Writing this story has been a bit inconsistent. I’ve been drafting it in little pieces since the beginning of the year, and only recently picked it up as more of a ‘full-time’ work. This is subject to change depending on whether or not I get more of book 7 done. I’ve gone from writing 20 words a day to 0 to 1000--there’s really no consistency with the drafting process here. 

I have recently decided that I’ll most likely expand this into either a novella or novel itself because there is literally so much tea left to explore and it’s surpassed 10k words. Drafting Moth Work has been so helpful in easing me back into the world of FOSTERED and piecing together the huge time gap from the end of book 6 to the start of book 7. I’ve been a bit anxious to really dive into book 7 for the fear of the unknown, so inching myself closer to that timeline through this project has been very helpful!

The editing bit:

I recently did an edit around the line level for this entire piece (it’s about 12k words right now) because a) it really needed it b) I was losing steam/starting to get embarrassed and c) I needed a refresher of what had happened because je suis tres forgetful. This edit made me feel so much better about the project. It initially started off as a work where the writing didn’t actually matter and this mentality was working until I got so embarrassed of the prose I found it difficult to read through old scenes to refresh myself and thus couldn’t productively draft. 

This project isn’t written exactly in my usual style--it’s pretty stripped back and actually reminds me a lot of how my style would’ve been in book 3 had I been a better writer four years ago lol. I think the looser style works for the voice/the story itself but I def wouldn’t categorize this as litfic (what I usually write). Although the prose isn’t very complex, it took me a really long time to get comfortable enough to edit?? But once I got into the rhythm of it a few days ago, I completed the edit fairly quickly, and I’m 100% feeling better about the project overall! Though the prose is still not my top priority I’m not as embarrassed of it currently lols. 

I also divided the project into chapters because it was getting pretty long to just be one mass of text. I currently have 3 chapters. This update will cover chapter 1. 

Playlist:

Yo this is literally the best part of writing this project, lol, I get to listen to so much different music?? I’ve made a comprehensive playlist for this story with a character by character breakdown (if anyone wants to see that/highlights, let me know!). This playlist pulls from every song from my library, so we span genres and artists like crazy. Nothing But Thieves has been the primary artist for this story (specifically their self-titled album). These songs (all NBT oop) are the most relevant if you want to get the general tone lol (anything with a star has explicitly inspired the project):

Excuse Me*

Honey Whiskey*

Tempt You (Evocatio)*

If I Get High (II)

Gods

Lover, Please Stay*

I Was Just A Kid*

Get Better

Hell, Yeah*

Afterlife

Reset Me

Particles

Sorry

Number 13

Excerpts:

I don’t have *many* because prose hasn’t really been a top priority for this project, but I’ll try to include at least one per scene. 

This is one of the opening paragraphs from chapter one which I’ve titled ‘False Idol’. In short, the chapter follows the boys first attempting to destroy the dark room and then getting distracted and eventually not pulling through after Harrison finds a picture of Ominous Lady. 

The chapter’s chronology is wild so we can break it up as follows:

Scene A

The boys enter the dark room with the intention of burning it down

Harrison reaches for his lighter and drops it which prompts him to find the photograph of Ominous Lady

Him and Lonan mildly argue about Ominous Lady until Lonan takes it too seriously and throws a tantrum :-DD

Scene B

Not really a full scene, just a bridge between scene A and C.

Harrison has been waiting for Lonan to return to their campsite for the entire day and he decides to at the very last moment

“hey so i’m unable to apologize for anything but also! cigarette! let’s share it! lungs!” 

Scene C

The boys exercising their canoeing skills

This leads us to our first “beat”.

Lonan interrupts Harrison’s peaceful evening by having a mild crisis

This takes place right after the events of Lolita, Lolita (chapter 16 of REWIRED). We then jump back to the fictive present.

 This alternates like 5 more times lol then the chapter is done!

The following excerpt describes their entry into the dark room. Don’t know how smart it is to be smoking in a room full of highly flammable material but we out here.

I don’t think she’s particularly special but I also don’t hate her so!! hoping an aesthetic photo will make it read better :’)) I ! don’t ! think ! it does ! but !

Harrison shoulders the door first, traps it open with the clip of his boot. Dust and streaks of light rake behind him as he pushes through cardboard boxes, mountains of photo paper on the ground. Lonan follows silently, still wearing Harrison’s jacket. Trails of smoke from his cigarette catch in the negatives hanging by the clothespins, chemical peel between the layers of ink. In one hand he tends to his cigarette, and in the next, lugs in the canister of gasoline they found in the cabin’s cellar. As Harrison fumbles for his flashlight, Lonan sets it down by the table so it sloshes like the Pacific. 

This is a bit of when Harrison finds the photograph of Ominous Lady:

He turns the photograph over, and shines the flashlight on it. It’s scratched and developed wrong, little bits of orange obscuring the woman’s face, but it’s very much a woman. A dark bob and bangs in her eyes, jewelry hanging from her septum. Sunshades enough to reflect the European street behind her. The discreet jet of ink on her skin, blues and greens peeking out from under her sleeve. Izzy, he recognizes. Lonan’s mother. 

Nudging Lonan with an elbow, “I didn’t know your mom has tattoos.” 

Lonan takes the photograph cautiously, holding it by the corners like it’ll burn him. His brow trembles, but it takes him only seconds to say, “That’s not my mom.” He takes the flashlight from Harrison and examines it closer, fingers nimble and tracing the edges. In the grey light of the dark room, he looks nullified. Just a monochromatic hum of chromosomes and skin. 

that’s not my MOM

After the boys find the photograph, Lonan gets triggered at Harrison’s suggestion to find the woman (he presumes her to be someone involved with his father) and promptly has a tantrum and exits. This leads us into the next scene where the boys! actually! get! on! boat! In this scene Lonan tries to say sorry for his tantrum by offering Harrison a cigarette (lol) and because Harrison is hopelessly romantic and also hopelessly dumb, says yeeeees sir! They go for a canoe ride on the water. Thought it was going to be sweet, ended up being a shitstorm but!

This paragraph is kind of toast but:

The canoe isn’t hard to get into the water. After a few nudges from the dock into the slow dip of tide, it stabilizes easily. Harrison is convinced it will capsize but Lonan knows it won’t. They take one ore each, and ignore the life jackets at the back of the shed.

The moon is large and mesmerizing. As Harrison and Lonan take turns pushing the canoe into the water, mast first, then its entire belly, it colours them silver. Lonan’s protected the cigarette in the pocket of his shirt. Harrison stares at its faint outline stretched under the fabric. Lonan steps into the canoe first, rocking with the current, and extends a hand for Harrison. He pulls him in and they row until the cabin is the size of a fingernail, the wave steady and dense. Each cut of the paddle feels like plunging a scalpel into flesh and Harrison watches Lonan do it easily. In the distance, the cabin doesn’t look so menacing. Reeve has left the lamp on by the loft, and it glimmers back like an eyeball, effervescent and tiny. Nothing but a reflective penny in the distance.

Here’s some Harrison being lame:

The water laps at the base of the canoe, and Ris reaches over and touches it like it’s holy. He makes the sign of the cross and it feels perverse, cold water dripping from forehead to chin.

For a while it’s quiet. Just the distant hum of crickets, the slash of the paddle, and the off-chance flash of something in the distance; an animal, a flashlight. Ris tries not to think about Lonan’s dad, like a dead man slithering through the water, following their boat. He picks at a saltine, sucks it between his tongue meditatively. Against the sky, Lonan is backlit and lovely and flecks of his hair peek up from around the jacket’s collar. Harrison wonders if as a child, everyone said he looked just like his father. 

On top of lacking accountability, Lonan is also a professional canoeist so he takes over while Harrison eats saltines and reminisces about an encounter they had weeks prior. This leads into the solid chunk of backstory that I weirdly jump in an out of for the entire chapter. :)

Backstory consists of drunk Lonan having a crisis while Harrison tries to have a peaceful evening of taping up his drawings to his bedroom ceiling. The following excerpt describes the moment right after Lonan enters the room.

Harrison’s lips secured around his cigarette, his hand mid-air with packing tape and line drawings of the moon. A tinny country song dribbled through the radio. The minute-meal he’d heat up in the microwave lying forgotten and cold on his desk. Harrison set the pile of drawings down and turned off the music.

“Emily left?” Lonan asked. He kept his face upward, stared clumsily at the ceiling. Harrison watched his eyes trace the new drawings, following the uncalculated pattern. 

This paragraph is made up of 5 similes and this is the only reason I’m sharing it :)))):

Lonan has stopped paddling. The canoe sits in the middle of the lake, lifeless, like a bone in the water. He’s turned so Harrison can see him in profile, and Ris can’t tell if it’s relieving or worrying to see his face. Lonan’s jaw is taut, like there are words he wants to say there but can’t. Filling up the hollow bone. He blinks slowly, like he’s trying to re-centre himself, his chest quivering with breaths meant to steady him. The water laps at the base of the canoe, whirling. Dark hair tangles down his cheeks like the fingers of a poltergeist. 

I think that’s a pretty good way to end this post lol! How many similes have you put in one paragraph? What’s your record lol this is probably mine!

Hope y’all enjoy the intro to MOTH WORK. I have two other chapters already written which I’ll update on in a separate post! For now I hope you like this more laid back project, let me know what you think!

---Rachel

[agustdef]

Here & Now - Chapter 2

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Fluff; Chill romance

Word Count: 1,963

Warning: None.

Banner Marker: @dee-ehn​

A week of me constantly working felt like a month. I was physically and mentally drained, but I had to keep going. The light at the end of the tunnel was so close and I could just imagine the rest that I'd get as if it were happening.

"Kendall!"

The screaming of my name sent me jolting forward and out of the daydream, I'd slipped into. Blinking a few times I regained my bearings and stared at Marcus with wide eyes. He just frowned, his eyes holding what felt like disappointment.

"How much sleep did you get on the plane?'

"Three hours."

"And when you got home?"

"Three hours?"

He sighed and I guessed he wasn't appeased with my answers. "How much sleep did you get while in New York?"

For a moment I paused, thinking about it. After a few seconds too long he slapped the table, calling on my attention again.

"Actually, I slept every night for at least seven hours. The most consistent it's been for about a month. I'm just using too much of myself. Working my brain to meet all deadlines and also trying to get everything that I want to out of me. Too much creative output methinks."

Shrugging I grabbed the piece of Belgian waffle I'd been eating, dipped it into syrup and shoved it into my face.

Marcus released another sigh, his face softening. He was entering one of his big brother modes, I could feel it. I always did my best to not worry him that much, but sometimes it just couldn't be helped.

"You're taking a break from all work after this. You look dead most of the time, even with that sparkle of joy in your eyes. Plus your skin looks dull. Where is that radiant brown skin that you've honed with your sixty different skincare products."

A laugh escaped me and I almost choked on the waffle. He was a freaking dork.

"My skin looks just fine, thank you very much. Never come for it again. And I promise I will be taking a break. I'm going to be sleeping, eating and seeing several movies. Also catching up on music."

The last words had him narrowing his eyes and opening his mouth to say something.

"Not for inspo nor for work. I'm behind on some releases and need to catch up and expand my library. We both know that I'd be driven mad if I couldn't at the very least listen to music."

Marcus' lips pursed and then he nodded. He knew that I was right. I couldn't fully promise to control my impulse to get work of some kind done, but I would at the very least try for my sake, his and my literary agent, Ara.

"Okay. Even though I want to just ban you from work now we're having a brunch meeting for a reason." He paused and took a sip of his nasty earl grey tea.

Clearing his throat he turned his attention back to me. "You know the projects you have coming up, it's not a lot and you've worked with at least one person on all of them before. So obviously I'm not too worried about that. You have meetings with the producers for Halsey's album and then the ones for Bruno on Tuesday. Thankfully, they're hours apart so you have time to sprint to the other side of the city."

As he spoke I scrolled through my phone's planner, making sure that I had all those things noted somewhere. I'd have reminders, but I preferred to have it on me at all times. I'd end up cross-checking them with the things in my paper planner.

"Got it."

He nodded and scanned his own phone, then something in the air shifted. Marcus glanced up at me with this serious expression that had me prepared to shit myself.

"And then there's the meeting with Suga in a week."

His grave expression only lasted for a second and then he was smirking at me. Wiggling his eyebrows he did this weird dance that I never wanted to see again. I felt very embarrassed and also wanted to launch something at him because he was teasing me.

"Stop."

"Stop what? I'm just saying you have a meeting next week. A meeting with someone you fangirl over. Someone you've said some very interesting things about." He sounded so smug.

"And? I've fangirled about most of the people I've gotten to work with. Full on thirsted. Brendon Urie, Hayley Kiyoko, Tinashe, Halsey, Trey Songz, Rihanna. Hell, I'm in post-production with Hanbin. And everyone knows how deep that thirst ran." I rolled my eyes and sipped my iced green tea.

"True. But come on, we both know your composure can suck sometimes. Even you, woman with the resting bitch, sad and/or tired face slips up. And I'm more than sure that he will catch you slipping." He enunciated every word, growing more pleased with himself every second.

My cheeks were burning, from embarrassment and annoyance. I flipped him off and stared into his eyes. "Keep fucking with me and I will shave your head. All the hard work for those waves will go out the window."

And as usual, it shut him down. He knew I'd never go that far, but I was not above some form of retaliation that he wouldn't see coming. We'd known each other for well over six years, and even though we spent 2 years, not on speaking terms friendship wise his work as my agent kept him in the loop of my behavior.

Silence reigned as we finished off our food and waved down the waiter to order the burger we'd been eyeing. Once that was taken care of I felt this sort of shyness overtake me. It wasn't foreign, because I was naturally shy, but with a close friend, it felt misplaced.

Clearing my throat I felt my cheeks burning again. "So... um, any particular reason that they asked me? Like the email said that he wanted to work with me, but even then I have no clue why. I asked Hals and she denies having any part in it."

Marcus failed to keep the smirk from making its way back onto his face. He tried hard, the corners of his mouth quirking up and down. Eventually, he just gave up.

"Oh. Well, it's not like you're some unknown producer. You've made a name for yourself with how consistently good your work is. Plus people know that you dabble in a little of everything and are willing to experiment. Plus if you've forgotten you've done a fair amount of work in the world of k-pop. Stray Kids, Jackson Wang, Loco, Mamamoo. You just finished working with B.I., someone who is arguably one of the best producers and writers out there."

"But..."

Reaching across the table he used his hand to cover my mouth, "No buts. You've created a rep for being good at your job and great to work with, it's not surprising that he or anyone else might want to work with you. Stop it."

Swatting his hand away I glared at him, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"Fine. What time is the meeting?" I asked.

Just before he could speak the massive burger was sat in front of us with a mountain of fries. My stomach felt tight after the waffles and bacon, but upon seeing the beauty made some room. I ordered ginger ale for burping purposes and then grabbed the knife, cutting the burger in half.

"It's going to be on Wednesday at two. You're free that whole day, including deadlines for Ara because those edits are obviously due tomorrow. So you can relax all day until that and perhaps prepare some stuff to show him to get the vibe he's going for."

I took a huge bite of the cheeseburger as I mulled over what he said. One thing dawned on me as I swallowed.

"What is this for exactly. You cut off all my access to the emails and I'd like not to be in the dark about it."

"Oh, he's releasing more Agust D music," he said nonchalantly.

My eyes widened and I felt like my eyes would roll out of their sockets because of it. I'd assumed it was a BTS thing or some other BigHit artists situation, not his solo stuff.

"I want to fire you so bad," I said once I regained my composure.

"Nah, you can't and you won't. You know I do my job too well and this is the only time I've withheld information for my own amusement."

"I hate you a little bit. Not gonna lie." I shoved several fries into my mouth and chomp as I glared at him.

Marcus just winked at me and continued stuff his face with food. No more talk of work happened, we just sat and eat our food occasionally making conversation of some random topic like the character I named after him and then murdered. It had been over a year since that book was written, but with the last of the edits being due his salt levels had risen again.

He ranted and raved about how rude it was, killing a dear friend. One would think I'd actually done the deed and somehow brought him back to life. I had to admit it was funny how riled he was about it though.

Right before he started listing the reasons why I should change the character name my phone vibrated on the table. An image of Hals flashed onto the screen and I thanked Zeus for the interruption.

Picking up the phone I wasn't given the chance to speak because she was whispering with someone in the background. When she stopped I interjected.

"Hello?"

"Ken! Hi, where are you?" She got right to the point.

"I'm out wrapping up a meeting with Marcus. Is there something you needed?" As I spoke to her Marcus waved down our waiter and requested the check.

"Yes, but depends on how you answer the next question. Which is are you busy for the rest of the day?"

She sounded too happy like she was up to something and I didn't like it one bit.

"Besides doing a read through no. Why?"

A laugh could be heard on the other end, which was very much so hers though she'd moved away. Another voice said something, but I couldn't quite make out what it was.

"I could hang up."

"Wait, no. I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and work on some stuff. Nothing serious, just run a few things by you and we spend time together. You can even do your read through." She's pulled it together and sounded normal, but I was still suspect.

Glancing down at my watch I saw it was only almost one and I had all the time in the world to get shit down. That and I only had half the book left and that wouldn't take me much.

"Fine. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Good. You know how to get in. Love you. Bye."

She hung up quick, leaving me no chance to respond to her. Shrugging I pushed the phone into my pocket and looked up in time to see the waiter hand Marcus his receipt. When he got up so did I and we headed out of the restaurant.

"Need me to drop you off?" he asked.

"Nah. I can just Uber there, we're going different directions," I said.

The sun was so bright that my glasses weren't transitioning fast enough to save me and I couldn't really see him.

"Okay. Be safe." He reached over and ruffled my hair, sending the curls I'd worked hard to keep intact going everywhere.

Before I regained sight he was gone, knowing I'd hurt him. Rolling my eyes I ordered and uber and used the window the restaurant to reset my fro. By the time it was sitting how it once was the car pulled up and I eagerly fled to the safety of air conditioning.

It only took fifteen minutes to get to her place because for the first time ever traffic in LA was being kind to me. I hopped out of the car with a nod to the driver and made a beeline to her placed. Once there I knocked and was met with her smiling face. As usual her smile made me smile and she pulled me in for a tight hug.

"Thank you for coming."

"It's no problem, love."

She pulled away and let me in. I kicked off my shoes and was several steps in before I noticed the person standing across the living room. His back was to me and then he turned around, making my eyes widen a fraction before I got it together.

Halsey smiled and I could see the mischief in it. "I forgot to tell you I had a visitor. Kendall this is Yoongi, Yoongi this is Kendall. You'd be more familiar with the name Sailor V. You're working together soon, right?'

"Hi," I said still processing.

He also appeared surprised. "Hello."

[kainosite]

Les Misérables 2018, Episode 2

Welp, Anthony Perkins is not going to be knocked from his pedestal of “Most Brick-Accurate Interpretation of Javert Despite Being Far Too Attractive for the Role” any time soon.

The Good:

• Finally we get an adaptation that will force both us and Valjean to confront the question “Does Petit Gervais deserve the protection of the French criminal justice system, and if not why not?”  The miniseries kind of had to do this because it made Valjean’s theft of the coin so much more deliberate than in the book, but it has done it, and not before time.  Les Mis fandom has been willfully avoiding this question for years.

• The Thénardiers were superb.  I know Olivia Colman is contractually obliged to appear in every BBC production ever, but her ubiquity is entirely justified here because she may be the best Mme. Thénardier of all time.  Thénardier was good too, and that brief flash of violence against Mme. T when she challenged him was a valuable addition, both because it explains a lot about her character and because it foreshadows what he’ll become in Paris.  So far we’ve only seen him as a corpse looter, a dodgy innkeeper and an extortionist, but he’s more dangerous than that, and we caught a glimpse of that here.  There were some nice subtle touches: the Sergeant of Waterloo sign and the story of Thénardier’s heroism, the fact that the girls only have two good dresses between them (Azelma immediately gets Cosette’s; when they’re showing off Cosette to Victurnien she’s wearing Éponine’s), the inclusion of unloved, adorable baby Gavroche.

• One consequence of Colman’s excellent performance is that Fantine’s choice to leave Cosette at the inn appears quite reasonable, as it should.  Fantine did exactly what a young woman traveling alone is supposed to do: she gravitated towards the mother playing with her children because that’s the person who is supposed to be safe.  Mme. T was welcoming and sympathetic, though still with a bit of a Thénardiery edge, the little girls played together like sisters, and Fantine’s decision to leave Cosette in this stable, apparently happy environment seems entirely natural.  She had no way to know that wholesome surface was wallpaper over an abyss.  The people who can afford the diligence get a recommendation for the other inn, but she had to walk.  (The Vimes theory of Yelp reviews.)

• Having Fantine walk in on Madeleine’s mayoral inauguration was a clever way to handle that exposition in theory, although slightly clunky in practice.

• Madeleine is so awkward.  His speeches are so bad.  His hat and coat are so ugly. <333

• I love every OC in Montreuil.  I love the bourgeois who is super excited about Madeleine becoming the mayor (I hereby dub him “Robert”).  I love Fantine’s factory friends who gossip about their sexy boss and his bedroom grotto and then run to get him to rescue their fallen coworker from  evil cops.  I even love the public letter writer with his creepy but pragmatic advice.  I imagine he’s been witness to a lot of human misery and has developed that cynicism and dark humor you often see in people in frontline emergency services.

• I don’t love Mme. Victurnien, but that’s her, all right.

• This adaptation is doing an excellent job with Fantine’s illiteracy, and has been since the first episode.  The skin-crawling awfulness of having to conduct your most private, personal business through the public letter writer and have him know and comment on all of it really comes through.

• The police are all in plainclothes and basically look like a gang of thugs.  This adaptation has really grasped the 1820s French police aesthetic.  I also appreciated how hostile and judgey everyone at the Prefecture was towards Javert.

• I don’t know what it says about Davies that the characters he can most consistently write well are the asshole fuckboys, but Bamatabois was great.

Also I don’t think I’ve seen a Fantine beat up a Bamatabois this bad since 1934 when she put his head through a glass window.  As in the 1934 adaptaion, this creates a minor problem with the narrative because it means she really is guilty of a serious assault and Javert is right to arrest her, but you’d have to have a heart of stone not to enjoy seeing Bamatabois punched repeatedly in the face.  I do not have a heart of stone.

• I’m choosing to believe that Javert’s handshake following his resignation is a little nod to readers of the novel, who know as well as he does that a legitimate magistrate has not taken the hand of a spy.

• Nice fake jet manufacturing process in Valjean’s factory: they even included the gum-lac.  The flag at the Prefecture of Police is the white fleur-de-lys, not the tricolor.  They really are putting tremendous effort into getting some of the little details right.

• This adaptation’s sense of place continues to be excellent.  Montreuil-sur-Mer has its steep hill; during Madeleine’s inauguration you can even see the Canche.  The soldiers from the garrison are a ubiquitous background presence. The Prefecture of Police in Paris looks like the old headquarters at the Rue de Jérusalem, which if it wasn’t a happy accident shows a truly remarkable degree of historical research and commitment to accuracy.  (They then proceeded to cover it up with that hideous red font, truly the ‘YELLOW’ of this adaptation.)

The Meh

• If you must go with a “Javert immediately makes a positive identification of Valjean” plot their first meeting wasn’t a disaster, I guess.  There was some decent dramatic tension.  I appreciated Madeleine’s initial cunning plan to stare out the window for the entire rest of his life so that Javert couldn’t look him in the face, before realizing that this probably wasn’t going to work.  The little slip where he called Javert ambitious and betrayed his prior knowledge of him was good.

• Why does every person in this adaptation have a ridiculous and implausible horse?  Why does Javert have a horse to ride to Paris, which is far enough away that you’d need to change horses and you should probably just take the diligence, but not to Arras, which is within riding distance?

The horses are elevated from “bad” to “meh” by the fact that Valjean’s palomino is gorgeous, though very unlikely to exist in northern France in 1823, and if he must ride an implausible horse it might as well be an anachronistically pretty one.  Also by Valjean and Javert’s fraught moonlit horseback encounter, which is obviously what an adaptation should do with its ridiculous horses if it insists on having them.

• The Chief Inspector in Paris was neither Chabouillet nor attractive, nor did he have any fun hierarchical tension with Javert.  Boo.

• This adaptation is sure going hard on the Valjean/Fantine vibes, huh.  I don’t hate it, which probably counts as an enormous accomplishment for the miniseries.  I think it manages not to come off as gross mainly because Madeleine is so incredibly awkward that it’s impossible to imagine it ever progressing to the point of a sexual relationship.  Fantine smiles at Madeleine because she’s so relieved to have found a safe harbor.  After an internal struggle Madeleine manages to smile back because that’s what you’re supposed to do when people smile at you, right??? and she’s so powerless that she’s the only adult in Montreuil he doesn’t find threatening.  In a decade or two they might progress all the way to reciprocal “Good mornings” when she comes in to work.  That’s as far as this is going to go.

• Sadly this vision of social harmony and human connection will never be realized, because Fantine got fired.  Specifically she got fired by Valjean for added drama.  I know people are up in arms about this, but honestly I think it’s fine?  At the end of the day it is Valjean’s sexist policy that costs Fantine her job and his chosen supervisor who implements it.  The franc stops with him.  Having him fire her himself just makes his responsibility a little more apparent. I don’t think it’s necessary to depict it this way, but it’s fine.  Adaptations do this sometimes.  In 2012 something very similar happens, where Valjean is too distracted by Javert to deal with the Fantine Baby Drama and lets a malicious subordinate call the shots.  The Original French Concept Album has Valjean fire her directly without any excuse for his behavior at all, and nobody thinks the musical is a irredeemable character-ruining travesty of an adaptation– well, one guy.

• Shouty Valjean is not doing anything for me but he’s not catastrophic either.  It is unfortunate that most of the people he interacts with in this episode, and therefore most of the people he shouts at, are female, but we know from Episode 1 that he’s equally happy to shout at bishops who have just saved him from a lifetime sentence of forced labor.  Westjean is an equal opportunity shouter.

The decision to portray Valjean’s saintliness as a constant effort that slips whenever he’s stressed is an unusual one, and certainly not Brick-accurate (Brick Valjean’s saintliness is a constant effort that almost never slips), but I don’t think we should dismiss it out of hand.  Television needs to externalize internal conflicts in some way, and I can’t say this is a less artistically valid method than eg. I Miserabili’s tendency to have everyone monologue all the time.  We’ll have to see where they go with it.

• Valjean didn’t refuse Javert’s resignation.  The resignation scene is so weird that I’ve decided I’m actually okay with this, because it’s really very unclear what Javert’s is resigning over.  Is it the “false” denunciation?  Is it the argument over Fantine, which he also apologizes for?  Has all this turmoil just made him reconsider his life choices, and he’s decided to emigrate to America and become a paddleboat pilot on the Mississippi?  Who knows!  Valjean has a moral responsibility to stop Javert falling on his sword over the denunciation, but not to keep him on the police force.  If Javert is going to be this vague, it’s his problem.

• The Burning Coin of Shame was so melodramatic Hugo’s ghost is presumably kicking himself for not making Valjean pick it up in the novel.  I don’t hate it, but when you’ve out-melodrama’d Hugo it may be time to take a step back.

The Bad

• That red font looks worse every time I see it.

• Valjean’s godforsaken ponytail.  WHY.  It’s not even attractive!  Who the fuck decided to lift every aesthetic decision from the 2012 movie except for the period appropriate hair!?

• Speaking of period appropriate hair, your prospective employers might be less likely to assume you’re a slut if you put it up like a respectable woman instead letting it flop all over the place like a prostitute, Fantine.

• I don’t love Fantine’s intake interview.  There are ways they could have depicted the factory’s morality policy without making Madeleine come off like such a nosy sexist asshole, and Davies should have found one.  Being the nosy sexist asshole is Victurnien’s job.  Madeleine is meant to be the paternalistic, well-meaning sexist asshole.

• The Brick glides over Marius’s childhood in a few sentences, so I appreciate there is a difficulty in finding incidents to fill the Pontmercy sections in these early episodes.  TOO BAD.  You decided to merge the timelines, Davies; it was self-evident that this was going to be the major problem with that approach when you did it.  THIS IS THE LIFE YOU HAVE CHOSEN.  Go over the novel with a fine-toothed comb or make some shit up, but it was your responsibility to  fill this gap somehow.

Killing off Georges Pontmercy ten years early is not a solution.

a) You gave us Hot Sad Dad Pontmercy and then tore him away from us two episodes before you needed to.  HOW DARE.

b) The Marius timeline in the Brick makes sense.  His father dies, he finds out Georges loved him from Mabeuf, he starts researching his dad and Napoleon and grows estranged from his grandfather, Gillenormand kicks him out of the house, he meets Bossuet and Courfeyrac.  Marius’s internal growth, the timeline and the plot all work together as a cohesive whole.  Fuck knows how any of that is going to work out now.

c) Marius is still going to be a child next week, so killing off Georges didn’t even solve the problem, it just postponed it for the space of a single episode.

d) The gap wouldn’t even have been that hard to fill!  Georges could have fought with the prosecutor about his decoration and spied on Marius at church or something.  It would have given us a chance to meet Mabeuf properly.  Fuck this bullshit so much.

• This is a minor thing, but there should be women at Gillenormand’s table.  Ancien Régime salon culture was run by women; the exclusion of women from male political and social life in France was a nineteenth century invention.  The Brick is very clear about this – Gillenormand generally hangs around with Baroness T.  History has enough sexism in it already.  There’s no need to invent more.

• I have no objections to Valjean firing Fantine in person, but the toy bird introduces a pretty serious flaw in Victurnien’s “She’s a callous whore who doesn’t care about her child” case, one you’d think Valjean might notice.  There’s no reason for it even to appear in that scene!  Have the Tories cut the BBC’s budget so much they can’t afford script editors?

• Gosh those are some bright, white street lamps they have in Montreuil.  I wonder what sort of oil burns with such a constant flame?

• If Davies wanted to dissociate his adaptation from the musical, a good first step might have been to spend much less time with the campy tooth and wig guy.  Fantine’s plot arc was actually fairly good up until that point, but after that it really did devolve into misery porn.

• Oyelowovert has a very pretty face.  What he does not have is any coherent motivation for his behavior in this episode.

Javert’s plotline was such a fucking disaster in this that I gave it its own post.

• If Davies insists on doing this stupid Arras entrapment plot, the least he could do is give us a Robert and a Genflou to make up for it.  Well, we got a Robert but not a Genflou, and I’m mad.

This episode was a mix of the sublime and the grotesque, and therefore, in a certain sense, truly worthy of Victor Hugo.  But Gavroche is going to have a lot of work to do at the barricade to make up for this mess.

[hogwarts1850s]

Gryffindors Head Boy: Chester Weasley --7th year. Pureblood. Cousin to Allison, is on good terms with her but teases her bookish ways. He’s very popular and generally thought to be attractive and charming. Is excellent at dueling. DADA. Magical Creatures, Herbology Head Girl: Alvira DeWitt – 7th year. Halfblood. Known to have been a hat-stall between her house and Ravenclaw. Very strict and prim, enjoys her authority and makes a good leader. She tends to have an answer for everything, and can be scathingly critical. Transfiguration. Spell Theory, Ancient Runes Prefect: Artie (Arthur) Ringwald --7th year. Pureblood but doesn’t care about blood status. Friendly, hunk-next door type who likes to help out. Is a back up for the Quidditch team. DADA. Spell Theory, Magical Creatures. Prefect: Cherie Beaufort --7th year. Pureblood, entitled and tyrannical, terrorizes the school with her prefect authority. She’s manipulative, and twists the truth to cause chaos. Craves approval and admiration. Friends with Gloriana and Veronica. DADA. Divination, Ancient Runes  Prefect: Bryony Fleamont --6th year. Friendly but has spunk. Harry’s great-great-great grandmother. On the Quidditch team. Charms. Astronomy, Magical Creatures. Gerard Potter – 6th year. Quirky but charming. Harry’s great-great-great grandfather. DADA. Herbology, Divination. Tiberius Ironside – 6th year. Intimidating but occasionally offers help. On the Quidditch team. DADA. Alchemy, Spell Theory. Garett Salug – 6th year. Pureblood. Seems a little dense, but brave and born to be an auror.  DADA. Magical Creatures, Herbology. Celia Trachtenberg – 6th year. Halfblood cousin to Saralyn. Often sick, but sweet. Wants to be a healer. Potions. Magical Creatures, Alchemy Donella Simmers – 4th year. Annoying kid sister of Saralyn. Charms. Magical Creatures, History of Magic.  Tristan Park – 4th year. Halfblood. Popular, charming, and prideful. Charms. Magical Creatures, Astronomy. Alonna Gundry – 4th year. Halfblood and half-sister to Charles in 5th year. Admires him, and makes reckless attempt to be brave like him. DADA. divination, magical creatures

Slytherins  Head Girl: Darla Malfoy – Pureblood. Rules the school with Gloriana. Generally dismissive of others, but simpers and sucks up to professors. Is very elegant, and throws her wealth around. Comes from an old blood supremacist family, who’s ideals she spouts with care. Potions. Alchemy, Astronomy. Head Boy: Bentley Shacklebolt – Pureblood. Generally kindly and resourceful. His house claims he is always helpful, and sure to be a famous wizard. He is quite magically talented, and knows how to find and use people’s strengths. He’s very curious and protective, a stickler for the rules and authority. [Boyd] Transfigutation. Spell Theory, Alchemy Prefect: Veronika Consuelos --7th year. Pureblood. Refined, confident and determined. Tends to be boy crazy, but has more depth. From a very wealthy family with a lot of influence, recently moved from Spain. Potions. Astronomy, Alchemy Prefect: Reginald Muldoon --7th year. Pureblood. Never holds himself accountable, a snide school bully. Friends with Domenic. DADA. Magical Creatures, Ancient Runes Aurelia Mulciber – 7th year. Pureblood. Threatening, but has delicate features. Clueless about muggles, friends and sometimes competitive with Darla. DADA. Magical History, Ancient Runes Ursula Underwood – 7th year. Pureblood, friends with Annika Yaxley in 5th year. Nosy and morally questionable. Loyal member of Darla’s crew. Charms. Magical History, Ancient Runes Tobin Crouch – 7th year. Pureblood, narcissistic and materialistic. Throws around his wealth and bullies others. Transfiguration. Astronomy and Herbology. Domenic Bulstrode – 7th year. Pureblood, vindictive and cruel. Charms. Spell Theory, Alchemy Thomas Higgs – Brother to Tobias. Fairly popular but intense. 7th Year Charms. Magical Creatures and History of Magic.  Prefect: Severna Prince – 6th year. Antisocial but talented. Pureblood Ancestor of Snape. Potions. Alchemy and Ancient Runes. Dimitrius Lamette – 6th year. Pureblood, gay. Ambitious and cunning. Older brother of Imperia. Potions. Alchemy and History of Magic. Elzabet Avery – 6th year. Pureblood cousin to Tara in 5th year. From a known dark family, consistently berates and teases her cousin. Self-righteous and critical, part of the 6th year queen bees. Transfiguration. Ancient Runes and Alchemy Duke Mears –  2nd year. Halfblood, charming and mischievous younger brother to Baron. Transfiguration.  Crysanthe Lamette – 2nd year. Pureblood. Spoiled but bright younger sister to Imperia. Friends with Duke. Charms.

Ravenclaws  Head Girl: Cassandra Trelawney – Seer, 7th year. Pureblood. Known to be a talented seer, even at her young age. She is sweet, but generally distracted and even stressed. She is frequently the target of gossip and jinxes, which she takes in stride. She is already being hired by witches and wizards to divine their futures.Frequently she helps out with Prof. DeVargas’ apprentices.  Charms. Divination, Astronomy Head Boy: Giles Bletchley – 7th year. Pureblood. Captain of the Quidditch team (Chaser). Was a trouble-maker when he was younger, but smartened up in his 6th year. He wasn’t a prefect previously. He gets excellent grades, and is generally helpful but sarcastic. Is also in music club, plays guitar and sings. DADA. History of Magic, Spell Theory Prefect: Forythe Pendleton --7th year. Muggleborn. Philosophical aspiring writer, fights injustice, and is a bit of a loner. Transfig. Ancient Runes, Spell Theory Prefect: Josephine Baker --7th year. Pureblood. A little snooty and contolling, most because she is driven and dedicated to her pursuits. Mother is high in the ministry, father is the celebrity Wizarding Orchestra conductor. Is a talented singer. Charms. Alchemy, Magical Theory Basil Perks - 7th Year. Technical, tall, intelligent, speedy. Charms, Alchemy, Ancient Runes Larissa Sprout – 7th Year. Pureblood. Can be preachy and know-it-all, but has good intentions. Says “I told you so” a lot. Sister to Thelonius. Transfiguration. Alchemy, Herbology. Prefect: Ivy Brink – 6th year. Cousin to Theodore in 5th year. Ambitious and curious. Transfig. Alchemy, Spell Theory Prefect: Gerbold Octavius Ollivander – 6th year. Son to the current Ollivander’s shop owner Gallen Ollivander, younger brother to his sister Griselda who runs the Hogsmeade branch. Charms. Alchemy. Spell Theory  Margueritte Edgecomb - 6th Year. Bubbly, flirty, and creative. Good grades but flaky. Charms, Divination, Magical Creatures Hannetta Kerrigan - 6th Year. Straight forward, clever. Dating Hufflepuff Captain. DADA, Herbology, Magical Creatures Miranda Penrose – 4th year. Insane but brilliant, curious. DADA, Divination, Ancient Runes  Mirabella Plunkett – 1st year. Will eventually fall in love with a merman in Loch Lomond on holiday. Redhead with freckles.From the HP canon. DADA, History of Magic, Magical Creatures

Hufflepuffs Head Boy: “Lorn” Ashlorn Macnair – 7h year. Pureblood. Estrained from his dark family, already disowned as a blood traitor. He is openly gay, and runs the Theatre club with Madame Murray. It is well known that he got his green skin and red eyes from a failed attempt to be an animagus. He is very vocal about the rights of muggleborns and halfbreeds. Charms. Magical Creatures, Herbology Head Girl: Gloriana Trimble – Pureblood. Tyranical, 7th year. Pureblood. She is tyrannical, ruling her school year with Darla Malfoy as queen bees. She’s quite proud, mocks others, and gloats at any chance. She will tell anyone who will hear that she is the ancestor of a Hogwarts Headmaster. She can frequently be seen preening and flirting, while shirking her Head Girl duties.  DADA. Alchemy, Spell Theory Prefect: Bette (Elizabeth) Copperpot --7th year. Halfblood. Generally thought to be wholesome and sweet, is also known for being curious and investigative. Charms. History of Magic, Spell Theory Prefect: Casey Cott --7th year. Halfblood. He can be a little reckless and curious, outspoken but loyal. Tends to think the best of people. Son of an Auror. Charms. Spell Theory, Astronomy Saoirse Callaghan - 7th year. Captain of the Quidditch team. Friendly and competitive, dating Ravenclaw Hannetta. Cassia Swoopsticks - 6th year. OCD. On Quidditch team. From a family of inventors and businessmen. Invented many household cleaning supplies. Charms. Herbology, Magical Creatures Lydia Humphrey – 4th year. Musician and aspiring wizarding fashion designer. Charms. Herbology, Spell Theory [Jenny] Ercullus Spore - 4th year. Lazy but friendly. Loves cats, artist. On Quidditch team. Transfiguration. Spell Theory, Magical Creatures Ziegfried Delamarquise - 4th year. Quirky and funny actor and musician. Androgynous. On Quidditch team. Transfiguration. Alchemy, Divination Charlotte Grimblehawk - 2nd year. Shy and timid younger sister to Melanie in 5th year. Potions. Jordan Osbert - 1st year. Overzealous and excitable cousin to Sebastian in 5th year. Transfiguration.

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY Vernon Coyle (Pasdar), a detective with the Los Angeles Police Department, is trying to solve a series of bizarre murders. His girlfriend, Grace (Polo), turns into a werewolf and is kidnapped by Crispian Grimes (Wise), a vampire and owner of the nightclub House of Frankenstein. Meanwhile, a man, claiming to be Frankenstein’s monster, comes to Los Angeles to find the vampire that killed his creator 200 years ago.

NBC120 7/18/97 PRESS TOUR — HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN — PICTURED: The Creature — NBC Photo: Paul Drinkwater.

He had lived in the Arctic Circle for centuries and had been thawed out recently. A medical examiner comes in and is shocked that he has no heartbeat and that his blood consists of that of several different people. The creature escapes and confronts Grimes in an alley, but gets arrested. Coyle realizes that the creature is really a creation of Frankenstein, and helps him track down Grimes and put a stop to his reign of terror. Grace turns into a werewolf and goes on a rampage, where she gets captured by Grimes and will be a part of his exhibit forever.

Coyle and the creature destroy Grimes’ army of the undead, but he escapes. The creature also escapes, having finally avenged his creator’s death. He sneaks aboard a research vessel on its way to Antarctica. Grace revives after a successful blood transfusion makes her human again. Coyle and Grace later visit his partner’s grave as he was the first victim of Grimes, who is watching them from afar.

BEHIND THE SCENES The miniseries’ title and the very basics of its story were taken from the 1944 Universal picture directed by Erle C. Kenton. “Karloff wasn’t playing Frankenstein’s Monster any longer,” explains executive producer David Israel, “but played Dr. Niemann. It was the first of the Universal horror films to feature Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula and the Wolf Man in the same picture. So we used that as a jumping-off point.

“We didn’t feel we could directly remake House of Frankenstein, because with today’s sensibilities it just wouldn’t be scary.” adds screenwriter J.B. White. “We went back and forth as to whether we were going to do this as a period or contemporary piece.”

Israel admits that this is his first experience with the horror genre. “I’ve dipped my toes into the water, and I’m kind of enjoying it. This movie is not a parody. It’s a drama with elements of a police story, but three of the characters happen to be a werewolf, a vampire and Frankenstein’s Creature.” And don’t look for the latter to echo the appearance of Universal’s famous creation. “We had total say on what the Creature would look like,” Israel says. “We hired Greg Cannom, who is an Academy Award-winning makeup artist, one of the greats in the business who usually only does features. He did Bram Stoker’s Dracula, so he’s had experience doing vampires. He was clearly the best choice.

“Cannom had always wanted to have the opportunity to do his artistic interpretation of Frankenstein’s monster,” Israel continues. “I think this is by far the most ingenious interpretation; there are no bolts. Also, this is a sympathetic creature for whom we should have empathy. The actor who plays him, Peter Crombie, makes you feel that remarkably well.”

While the producers and Cannom were given artistic control, Israel confesses that they were careful about being too graphic in the horror and violence department. “We’re pushing the envelope as far as we can, but we still have to keep in mind that this is going to be available on every TV set in America,” he notes. “Kids are going to watch it, and sponsors have their needs too. It’s as graphic as it needs to be, but it’s never gruesome.”

Israel was involved in all aspects of the production, but the one element which gave him the most worry during the 48-day shoot was the training of real wolves for the lycanthrope scenes. “Our werewolves are not going to be hairy people,” he reveals, “The actors are going to morph into actual wolves. But we had to train the animals to do different types of stunts, which is probably the single most important thing we have to do on the show. Only the stunt people and the trainers work with the wolves; they’re too dangerous.”

Responsible for scripting all these hazardous scenarios was White, who was tapped by Universal and NBC to work on House of Frankenstein after the success of Beast last year. That two-part miniseries was his first exploration into monster movies, and though he’s not a complete fan of the genre, White admits, “It’s impossible not to be influenced by the past [horror] movies. It’s part of our collective consciousness vampires, werewolves and certainly the Frankenstein Creature. So my approach to this story is not as a genre picture, but just as another dramatic story which happens to have these rather extraordinary elements.”

One aspect which may surprise some connoisseurs of vampire lore is White’s concept of them as fallen angels. “It was just a notion that came to me while I was writing,” he recalls. “Part of the iconography of vampires is their abhorrence of anything religious, they often fly and they have power over people—they bring evil into people’s lives. This is a very satanic idea. Satan and his minions are fallen angels, and the concept felt right.

“One of the things I wanted to do was to humanize all of the creatures in the script,” White continues, then adds, “I don’t know if humanize is the right word, but to make us understand them better. I’ve always found something poignant about fallen angels. They lived in grace and fell from it; they always want to get back to it, but they can’t. They are creatures condemned by their own natures, and it’s heartbreaking.’

White also took a few liberties with the classic European mythology of vampires when it comes to the sun’s effect on them, acknowledging that he took inspiration from Coppola’s movie. “In that version, Dracula moved around freely in the daylight,” the writer says. “He protected himself from the sun, making sure his face and hands were covered. but that’s a practical consideration. If you’re going to tell a story like this in modern Los Angeles, you don’t want the vampires to only be out at night; it gets kind of tired. Also, these vampires have assimilated themselves; they have intermingled with us. I thought we could get away with making them a little more versatile.”

Yet White’s favorite character is undoubtedly the Creature. “I remembered clearly how the Mary Shelley book ended,” he explains. “It always seemed to me that she was setting herself up for a sequel, because she had him floating off into the darkness on an ice raft. I made it a mission in this script to make the Frankenstein Creature a real hero that and Grimes’ relationship with Grace Dawkins are the real heart of the movie. Boris Karloff’s original creature was sympathetic, but over the years, just because he’s designated as a monster, he has gotten a bum rap. I’m hoping that this, in some small way, will restore the Creature’s reputation. We wanted to show all of his aspects. He is a man out of time. His whole motivation from the moment he is awakened is to get back to where he came from.”   Great care has been taken to preserve some of the feel of and connection to the original Frankenstein movies. As an element of homage to the first House of Frankenstein, the man who searches the North Pole for the Creature is named Dr. Niemann. Also referenced is one of the most stein: the encounter between the Creature and a little girl. This often misunderstood and usually censored scene is now transposed to a meeting between the two on a bus, but the compassion will hopefully still be there.

Of course, none of the emotional scenes or extensive makeup can work if cast in the part. And for the role of Frankenstein’s creation, Crombie appears perfectly suited. The actor always refers to his character as the Creature, never “the monster,” which is the first indication of how carefully he respects the part. Even being subjected to almost three hours of makeup doesn’t deter Crombie’s enthusiasm; in fact, he believes that this long process is the best preparation he could have to get into the part. “I stare at myself in the mirror as Bill Corso, my makeup artist, puts each piece of the mask on my face,” he says. “I can’t really do anything else. I’m slowly putting the skin, metaphorically and literally, of this character on me.

“I remember an acting class I had at Yale’s drama school,” Crombie continues. “They had a closet filled with costumes and masks. You’d take a mask and sit in front of these mirrors and see what it did to you, what would arise emotionally. As bits of character would emerge, you’d put on costumes, compiling more and more of a character. You don’t get many opportunities to do something like that, especially using such elaborate masks as these. I knew I wasn’t going to begin to find this character until I had the makeup on. It was going to do things to me-affect the way I carried my head or make me move my mouth in a certain manner. And sure enough, that’s what happened. It turns out that the voice I had developed (for the audition) was too much. You can allow the makeup to do the work for you, and it will, if you let it.

“I was a little anxious at first,” Crombie admits. There was a touch of claustrophobia, especially when they did a full head cast. It was like being entombed. They told me it was going to be about 12 minutes, and it was 35. I just meditated to myself and managed to hold it together. They also did a cast of my chest and arms, because they were thinking of doing a kind of glove. But they abandoned that idea, and I think rightly so. The chest makeup was only used for one shot, when I first appear as the Creature and he’s still in 19thcentury clothes.”

The actor agrees with White’s inspiration to humanize this particular creation. “The idea is,” Crombie explains, “the Creature doesn’t totally look like a monster when he’s walking down the street. He could be mistaken for some homeless guy. If I were in New York, where I used to live, I would have just hit the streets in preparation for this character, because I would have found some version of him there. I’ve certainly seen enough of them over the years, and I’m working that into the Creature.”

Crombie also had to work carefully in animating his facial expressions, since his movements tended to become muted under the layers of makeup. However, this was not the first time Crombie had worked with such extensive makeup. Playing the Creature couldn’t prepare Crombie for the astonished reactions from the extras or the busloads of tourists who saw him on the backlot at Universal Studios, where some of House of Frankenstein was shot. “The trams ran by every three minutes in front of my trailer,” he remembers with a laugh. “I’d be waiting, and the trams would get backed up and I couldn’t get across the street. So I’d be standing there in my undershirt and full makeup, and the people wouldn’t know what they were looking at. They didn’t know if they should point their cameras or run and hide. I think they got their money’s worth.”

Serving as the movie’s resident expert on vampire and werewolf lore is the Professor Kendall character played by awardwinning actress Pounder, who devoted plenty of careful study to her eclectic role. “I love her handle,” she say proudly. “Associate Professor of Cultural Symbolic Anthropology. I think she invented a department for herself, and she’s got a lot of theory experience in a number of subjects. One thing I liked is that when I went into my office, the set designer had used ritualistic and mythological objects from all over the world-a very smart move.

“Kendall is incredibly curious about these legends and whether they were myths or reality at some point,” Pounder continues. “She’s a strong character and definitely an authority in her field. I play her dead serious. I don’t think that in the annals of horror films there has been a black female lead of this kind. If you’re going to act, you might as well go through this kind of door of opportunity. You know me,” she laughs. “I like to go where no man has gone before.”

As far as Pasdar was concerned, the best thing about playing Detective Coyle was that he didn’t have to spend hours in the makeup trailer.

  “I’m sleeping while they’re in there with the prosthetics,” he says. “That’s the best part. I don’t have to get up at 5 a.m. and sit in the chair. Every once in a while, I have to get a little dirt put on my face, a little smudge here and there. That’s the extent of it.”

Pasdar confesses to being a major fan of horror movies—“I like the ones that are done right almost as much as I love watching Plan 9 from Outer Space”—and is proud of having starred in the legendary cult movie Near Dark. “We don’t take credit for improving the genre, but we certainly took it in another direction. That was fun. House of Frankenstein is a different side of the coin. I’m not on the monster squad, I’m on the vice squad. It’s much more fun playing a straight cop chasing these guys. While the genre might be the same, my approach to the characters is completely different.

“Coyle is a by-the-book cop,” he adds. “He’s a detective trying to make the best of his job, to protect and serve in LA. He’s an average person confronted by a situation that is a bit above average. That’s when you get a real dichotomy between what needs to be done and what has been done before.

“To me,” Pasdar admits, “one of the most interesting aspects of the script is bringing the Creature into Los Angeles and keeping him as unmolested by human intervention as possible. He’s as pure as he can be. The irony is that the Creature seems more human than most of the people you run into on a day-byday basis in this town. He has an inherent soul that’s a beautiful thing to watch. That was one of the reasons I wanted to do this movie – to work with the Creature and a werewolf at the same time.”

Regardless of the thoughtful approach the actors might have towards their craft or the otherwise demanding schedule of a TV miniseries, Pasdar has some wicked ideas for a few good gags. “I’d love to walk into a 7-Eleven with the Creature to get a Slurpee; that would be fun,” he says, laughing at the idea. “Drive down the freeway in a convertible listening to Bon Jovi, or go down to the beach and have him try to get a little sun. Put him on rollerblades in the bike path. If I get a chance, I’ll tell you.” But at the time of this writing, neither Detective Coyle nor the Creature had been spotted at any of the beaches, or seen speeding down the freeways of Los Angeles.

Cannom doesn’t usually work in television. “It was really fun to be able to do a Frankenstein like the real character, plus all the werewolves and flying vampires,” said Cannom. “We had to do it. It was just too much fun to turn down.”

Though the Frankenstein monster is the character of the Mary Shelley novel, White’s script is contemporary and downgrades both Dracula and the Wolfman to a generic vampire and werewolf. Eighty percent of HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN was shot in and around Los Angeles on practical locations, including some exterior filming at the Ennis-Brown House, a residence designed in the 1920s by Frank Lloyd Wright, representing the mansion of Crispian Grimes (Greg Wise), the master vampire.

Wise is a British actor, who nonetheless portrays Grimes as an American. Wise explained how his approach is both similar to, and different from, what has come before. “I think the primary root of it is that he has to assimilate into the society. That’s why I’m playing an American. We’ve given him a very small scar and darkened my eyes using lenses, so I don’t think it’s too out of the ordinary. For a vampire to survive, he has to be able to fit within the society he finds himself in.”

Grimes can transform himself into an inhuman bat-monster, but there is a part of him that retains what once made him human. Noted Wise, “This piece looks at the period of his existence when he’s getting tired. It’s looking at the existential question of why we’re here. His story becomes a morality tale. He discovers we’re here to love and be loved. He’s a terrifically lonely man. I think that’s one of the more interesting ideas, that if you have been around for so long, nothing excites you anymore. You’ve said it all, you’ve done it all, you’ve seen it all.”

Grimes’ inamorata is Grace (Terry Polo), who gets bitten by Grimes’s werewolf protector and starts to change herself. “When she rebuffs him at the end, he stops his existence,” said Wise. He throws himself into fire. He kills himself because he realizes there is no point in walking this Earth without love.”

Cannom had fun working on Grimes’ bat transformation, a being which brings to mind the Man-Bat of BATMAN fame. “I wanted to create something for TV more elaborate than some

one would normally do,” said Cannom. “Because this was a flying bat-creature, a fallen angel type of thing, we wanted to really do a spectacular suit, but still keep it within limits for TV. Miles Teves designed the creature. He designed ROBOCOP and LEGEND.” The human-sized vampire bat not only has a bat-like head, but huge wings as well, suspended from a helicopter for the flight sequences. Hand-held controls make the movement of the wings.

Into this mix is thrown the Frankenstein monster, who is found by Grimes and originally brought to Los Angeles to be featured in his new night spot: The House of Frankenstein. The monster is sympathetically played by Peter Crombie. Crombie had to sit through a two-hour makeup application process which completely hid his features under a pliable latex mask. Unlike other versions of the Frankenstein monster seen in the past, this one isn’t a lumbering menace. “He actually turns out to be kind of a good guy, a hero,” said Crombie proudly. “What he really wants to do, like ET, is to get home, back up to the ice flows up north. It becomes a revenge mission for the creature to get Grimes, who ends up teaming up with the lead detective, played by Adrian Pasdar.”

Even though this version of the Frankenstein monster is supposed to follow more closely the description in the Mary Shelley novel, Crombie admitted that they did have to backoff a little since the production was being done for television. “Part of the description is that the skin is very translucent you can see through layers of it, to see veins and arteries. And to a extent you get some of that with this. An undead sort of look. I think the whole idea is that it’s much less of a monster, and much more of an innocent, an outcast, just a very vulnerable being, who is much more real emotionally, than the more traditional monster. That’s what I’m shooting for.”

The character Adrian Pasdar plays, Vernon Coyle, isn’t meant to be an unusual man, but instead is a man forced to make unusual choices. As Pasdar observed, “He’s your average cop. What’s interesting is having an ordinary cop confronted with an extraordinary situation. We tried to cut the dialogue down to as minimal as we could and it’s been effective in establishing the fact that it’s a realistic approach. He’s by the book and then gets confronted by a monster that you have to throw the book away and deal with a little more abstract solutions.”

In describing why a modern interpretation of an old idea can be both interesting and important, the actor stated, “There’s always room for a contemporary interpretation of a classic tale, from Shakespeare up to Bram Stoker and to Mary Shelley. There’s room for both interpretations. I think it’s interesting to watch a welldone classic. I think it’s much more difficult to do it contemporary.”

CAST/CREW Directed Peter Werner

Written B. White

Adrian Pasdar as Vernon Coyle, a police detective trying to solve the case of “The Midnight Raptor”

Greg Wise as Crispian Grimes, a Dracula-like vampire who is known to the police as a serial killer nicknamed “The Midnight Raptor”. He is the millionaire owner of the nightclub House of Frankenstein, which is secretly a haven for vampires.

Teri Polo as Grace Dawkins, a newly bitten werewolf who is also the love interest of detective Vernon Coyle and the heart’s desire of Crispian Grimes

Peter Crombie as Frankenstein’s monster, discovered frozen in a block of ice and planned as an exhibit for House of Frankenstein, but escapes

CCH Pounder as Dr. Shauna Kendall Miguel Sandoval as Detective Juan ‘Cha Cha’ Chacon Jorja Fox as Felicity Richard Libertini as Armando Karen Austin as Irene Lassiter

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Cinefantastique v29n06-07 (Nov 1997)

  House of Frankenstein (TV Mini-Series 1997) SUMMARY Vernon Coyle (Pasdar), a detective with the Los Angeles Police Department, is trying to solve a series of bizarre murders.

[lookatthisdork]

Opinion piece: DC House of Horror (2017)

First of all SPOILERS for DC House of Horror!

Second, this is only my OPINION. It might be unpopular. It might even be offensive. But I want to talk about this before going back to my normally scheduled “hey look at this cool stuff” and “it’s stupid AU time!” content.

I did not read the Green Arrow and Captain Marvel/Shazam stories since I’m not currently invested in those characters. *shrugs*

The rest are...meh. The whole series seems to have Keith Giffen credited with the plot ideas, but each story has a different script writer. So I have no idea who I’m criticizing in each of these blurbs. Probably Keith. I don’t know.

Bump in the Night (feat Superman; by Edward Lee)

I have admittedly little experience with horror movie conventions, but I’m pretty sure this was aiming for the opening of a monster movie. Creepy, dangerous alien falls from space, kills the locals before making its way to more populated areas. The poor schmuck that finds it first always dies quickly and painfully, which is what happened to Pa Kent here. Kind of a cheap death, but it fits the genre convention.

The dramatic irony of Martha Kent trying to call her husband and her refusing to leave the house when something strange is happening outside were pulled off pretty well. Overall, I think she reads as a spirited but ultimately doomed horror protagonist.

My problem with this is that the alien (”Clark/Baby Superman”) reads as a complete cardboard-cutout monster cliche. Why did he kill Pa and Ma Kent? No reason is even alluded to. He just kills them because they’re there.

(If I were writing this, I would have played up the naive-creepy-child factor. Have Clark accidentally kill Jonathan Kent since he’s a child who doesn’t know his own strength and has never seen a dead person before. If you want to keep the alien-vibe, have him not recognize that he killed a person. Imagine a kid using a magnifying glass on an ant, then replace the ant with Pa and Ma Kent. I like to think that would have been more memorable.)

Man’s World (feat Wonder Woman; by Mary Sangiovanni)

Well, they definitely have the aesthetic they were going for. The mixed chronology is actually not as confusing as I was expecting since the artists made good use of the colors and a wardrobe change to help guide the reader through the flashbacks. I actually felt creeped out by this one.

The only problem is...this doesn’t read like Diana AT ALL. Having Diana not speak English is a great way to keep her menacing, but it also destroys any ability for the audience to know what’s going on in her head. Without her words, we have only her actions, and...she’s just going around killing people? Who haven’t done anything?? (Except the last guy, but he’s one out of six on-page deaths.)

What is her motivation? Why is she doing these things? What happened to Wonder Woman, righteous warrior and defender of the innocent?

(This would have been excellent if it was a villain character instead of Diana, just saying.)

Crazy for You (feat Harley Quinn; by Bryan Smith and Brian Keene)

Is it a ghost? Or is it a hallucination? Both? I’m not sure, and I love that I’m not sure.

That said, I’m definitely not a Harley expert...does she read in-character? I don’t know, she feels flat to me. And something about cutting hard away from witnessing the murders. Unreliable narrator is in effect, I want more concrete details of the murders from Chuck’s point of view.

Last Laugh (feat Batman; by Nick Cutter)

Ha. Hahaha. This is the one I reblogged panels from yesterday. 

Good things first: capitalizing on Batman-Joker parallels has been done since forever, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think the opening and closing scenes are well-narrated and well-composed. The much smaller batcave and the gun are good hints that something’s very different about this universe. The Joker’s voice was pretty good, for the most part. I wouldn’t change much of anything in the first half of this.

The second half...hahaha.

My beef with this one isn’t that Jason was killed; it was that he was killed for shock value and as an undisguised reference to super-(in)famous Death in the Family. It does not add constructively to the narrative at all. Last Laugh is clearly a hard AU with only the barest resemblance to canon; leaning so hard on canon that you only have one panel (technically two panels) with Jason in your story means that I just get angry instead of mournfully distraught when Jason is killed. It’s cheap and unearned in my opinion.

More broadly, there’s mixed signals as to the nature of Bruce’s delusion. Is he going around beating/killing people dressed as Batman? Or does he do his murders specifically dressed as the Joker? The later red panels indicate the former while the zoom-in on his locker at the end implies the latter. This whole story would have been much stronger if the writer had picked one interpretation and stuck with it from beginning to end.

(I would go with a strong Batman/Joker divide where Batman is still the vigilante and the Joker is the only “one” doing the crimes. Have the blue and red panels read as Batman vs Joker for most of the first read-through, but also have them consistently show Delusion vs Truth for the second read-through. I would also have Joker’s call-outs be a little more ambiguous so the twist actually sneaks up on you as opposed to be super obvious from the first red panel on.

And goddamn, if you’re going to kill Jason, at least have him show up in the narrative beforehand as Robin in the Delusion panel and ordinary-child-Jason in the Truth panel. Have him walk in on something he shouldn’t have, which leads to his murder and Bruce’s subsequent final mental break. Hell, maybe even imply that Robin was never really a thing outside Bruce’s head to really hammer home the death of a child who did nothing wrong.

Work for the tragedy, is all I’m saying.)

Blackest Day (feat Hal Jordan and Justice League; by Brian Keene)

In my opinion, this is the strongest of the lot. Zombie Barry compromising the moon base - because he was looking for help and didn’t realize he was already doomed - is excellent. And terrifying, because Zombie Barry could start the apocalypse by himself, imagine how many people he could bite in a minute. Liked how Hal held onto hope all the way up until he felt himself changing, then decided to take a Last Stand rather than let himself become part of the problem.

Superman being off-planet was cheap. The timeline for the End of the World seems super contracted based on Constantine’s transmission and the way the moon base was wholly in the dark. Wonder Woman and J’onn died very easily. Would have liked more fighting off the zombies, but this was short enough that there wasn’t a lot of time for that.

Having the World actually End...I’m never a fan of complete annihilation by zombies. (And what about Themyscira? Atlantis? Is DC Earth really completely depopulated?)

(I’m just saying, post-zombie-apocalypse AU. I’d read it.)

Unmasked (feat Two Face; by Wrath James White...that’s a weird name)

I think this one’s the weakest of the ones I read. I may not be the most well-read when it comes to Havey/Two-Face, but ugh. Serial Killer Harvey is something I don’t need in an official AU. Not to mention that that is not how skinning a person works - connective tissue between the skin and the muscle would mean that peeling each face would take way more time than shown. 

The Leviathan thing also takes up way too many panels and accomplishes nothing. NOTHING.

[themediareviewer]

Pan (2015)

Directed by Joe Wright. Family/fantasy movie.

Okay, so this is the type of movie that I feel I will come to disagree with my own opinion in a few years. I’ll explain why. I think I speak for all of us when I say that nowadays it’s quite hard to watch a movie without having ANY preconceived ideas of it. Either we’ve watched the trailer (one of those here-is-the-whole-plot-of-the-movie-except-for-maybe-the-last-two-minutes kind of trailers), or perhaps one of our friends has watched it and talked about it heatedly, or  maybe we’ve gotten 5,839,286 GIFs of the movie on our feed and already know most of the whole plot. 

My point is that, by the point when we sit down to watch a movie, many times, we have already formed an opinion about it. Sometimes, the movie has been so hyped up by our friends that when we watch it, our expectations are not met and we end up not like the movie, period. Or, on the contrary, the media has been so harsh with the movie, that when it’s anything more than a catastrophe, you actually end up enjoying it. 

When I walked into Pan, I did NOT have a good image of the movie. I had read somewhere (and this is a bit of information that I have NOT managed to confirm since then), that although the story of Peter Pan has become public domain, people who use the story still pay the copyrights to the owner. Why, you ask? Because the actual “owner” of the story, writer J.M. Barrie transferred the copyright to the Great Ormond Street Hospital , which is a children’s hospital in London. In fact, in the strongly-worded article I had read at the time, the article’s writer had specified how important that source of income was for the hospital, and how it helped a lot of children (a good writer always appeals to the heart of its readers, right?). Now, it was said (and this is the part I have failed to confirm, please let me know if you find an article about it) that this iteration of Peter Pan chose NOT to pay the copyrights. I mean, no one is actually obliged to do it… but it does seem like the right thing to do, particularly when you think of today’s movie stars’ salaries (which can go up to millions of dollars), donating part of the revenue of your million-dollar movie to a hospital of children, doesn’t seem like such a hard thing to do.

In other words, this movie was already not looking good to me as a person (I am the type of person who can’t fully separate the artist from the art, and although I won’t go on about it here, I will say that I preferred not to buy this movie, and only watched it when it came to Netflix). In addition to that whole internal debate about watching the movie or not, I also found a lot of reviews about this movie when I was trying to confirm the information in the paragraph above. And they were all extremely negative, with scores going from 0 stars out of 5, to 23%, to “YOU SHOULD JUST NOT WATCH THIS” kind of reviews. 

So, when I sat down to watch this movie and I first met the main character, I was astounded to realize that I quite liked him. Played by Levi Miller, he was easily one of the best parts of the movie. But even more surprisingly, I was FLOORED when I noticed I was actually enjoying myself! I almost felt ashamed by that point. “How can you like a movie that might be STEALING money from sick CHILDREN????” my heart would scream. But then my eyes and my ears and my love for art started to speak louder and I realized that some aspects of this movie were truly worth talking about.

I’ll start by the easy one: the soundtrack by John Powell. If the first thought in your head after reading those words is, “Who the hell is John Powell?”, don’t worry, that’s normal. I do have a very soft spot for soundtracks and one of my favourite of all times is from How to Train Your Dragon (2010) by (you guessed it!) John Powell. The way he layers different instruments together is breathtaking and clearly resembles the rush of feelings you might get when you’re flying — a theme that is very relevant to both movies might I add. I listened to this soundtrack after having watched the movie, and even individually, these songs are wonderfully crafted. The first few chords of the “Opening Overture” pulled at my heartstrings, and “Kidnapped/Galleon Dog Fight” had me excited for everything this movie promised. Even the song, “Smells like Teen Spirit” (or how I call it, “Hello, Hello, How Low”) is so wonderfully dark, I had chills at the power of hundreds of voices singing it together; and then Hugh Jackman’s evil voice joins in and the all is deliciously creepy. Unfortunately, it was intercut with unnecessary jokes and the movie’s tone doesn’t live up to the song. Nevertheless, if anything positive should be coming out of the movie, the soundtrack is definitely the one.

Now, if you’ll allow me a second positive element to take out of this movie, I’d say that the circus elements were visually stunning. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that all of the art directing was brilliant, because the indigenous section of the movie was very weak on that front. (In almost all fronts really, but I’ll get to that later.) However, the circus-themed aspects of the movie were pretty enticing -- and had this style been consistent throughout the movie, it could have been one of my favourite art directing in a while. However, it wasn’t. We only had a few glimpses of it, such as when we first see the pirates of Neverland: in an otherwise dark room, one yellow spotlight lit up, a pirate dropped from the ceiling, with an elastic clearly wrapped around his waist, snatched something up, and slipped back up out of view. The snappy timing of the situation, the comically elaborate costumes and the whole theatricality of the sequence made it all very surreal and visually intriguing. Again, I wish this circus theme had stayed throughout the movie, because the rest of it simply did not live up to it.

This leads me to the next point which is where I will shift into negative gear. Now, from the beginning of this review, you probably thought I was going to say this movie was genius, but fear not; those reviews online had good reason to criticize this movie. And my reason for joining them is because the aspects that this movie gets wrong, it gets really wrong. 

The first aspect that bothered me was the inconsistency in tone. The beginning of this movie is quite delightful in my opinion -- a sort of “Home Alone” vibe, as my friend called it. Adults are quite simply caricatures of adults, and the children are the real heroes of the story. That in itself was a tiny movie that begins with (**tiny spoiler**) Peter at the orphanage and ends with him and Nibs finding something they were not looking for (**end of spoiler**). Then, the second movie begins: an action movie where Peter is forced into a dark, adult world where death, slavery and capitalism are ever present; this, by far is the strongest part of the movie in my opinion. The conversation between Peter and Blackbeard in the Captain’s Cabin is one of the most chilling sequences I have ever seen. Their age difference is so obvious displayed, thanks to the difference in the complexity of their dialogue and interests. I was very positively impressed by the scene’s depth, and particularly by Hugh Jackman’s acting. 

From then on, the movie goes downhill. It becomes your usual very-bad-adaptation of a story, with corny costumes, weird character development and quite frankly, racism left to right. I’m not one to hammer on socially inadequate problems, because I’m afraid of joining in today’s abuse of the term “politically correct”.  However, this movie really did some very poor decisions on that front. I mean, the most violent character is the only prominent dark-skinned character; the only traitor is the Indian-looking character; the only character that can barely speak English is Asian; and the only strong indigenous character is played by a white actress. I mean. It’s hard to defend casting decisions like that.

Apart from that, although the special effects were pretty good, the integration between them and the characters was a bit… jarring. By that, I mean that sometimes we would see an extreme long shot (shot from very far) of a CGI battle taking place, then suddenly cut to a close-up of the character’s reaction to the battle... and not for one second did I believe that those two shots were taking place at the same at the same time and space. My movie-geek mind could just see the actors standing in front of a green screen and some director yelling at them “PRETEND TO REACT TO THIS!! REMEMBER THIS IS ALL VEEEERY SCARY!!” The soundtrack and quality of the actors themselves almost fixed this feeling, but I couldn’t quite shake it off. This CG oddness got considerably more relevant whenever flying characters were involved; it was very difficult for me to believe that they were part of the same world as the non-flying characters, which took me away from the story in numerous occasions.

Finally, one of my biggest problems was the character of Hook. I won’t say much about him in respect for those who want to watch the movie spoiler free, but let’s just say that as an origin story, it felt quite thrown together and poorly developed. His motivations were nebulous to say to least and it’s difficult to see how he and the Captain Hook we know turn out to be the same person. And if they truly do, then I would love to see that happening, because what I saw so far did not sell me on that story point. 

Not only that, but it felt like a wasted opportunity to make something incredible. Imagine if (** Spoilers ahead till the end of this paragraph**) after Peter gets taken to Neverland, Peter’s best friend, Nibs actually grows up and becomes bitter. And suppose, that when Peter does come back for him, Nibs has become a self-reliant old man, whose life was so sad and lonely, that his only drive to live was to hate that “blasted Peter Pan” who left him rotting in that orphanage. Now suppose that at some point in the movie, you find out that Nibs’ last name is actually Hook. I mean, wouldn’t you have lost your mind a tiny little bit? Wouldn’t it have been superb if Peter turned out to be the originator of his own nemesis? Wouldn’t it be tragic if, child-minded Peter doesn’t see the bitterness in Nibs-turned-Hook, and continues to play hero-versus-villain with his best friend for the rest of his days? Meanwhile, Nibs-Hook is actually trying to get to Peter, but can’t quite bring himself to kill him because they were best friends once? (**End of Spoiler**) Now that would have been true to the creepy, deep tone that the movie had established in the beginning, and could have actually done justice to the great character of Captain Hook.

In fact, as ridiculous as this might sound, I believe that the lack of time was part of this movie’s problem. “Wait, you’re saying you wanted more of this??” I hear you rage. Well, sort of, yes. I think this movie had a lot of rich material they could have explored, particularly in the dark aspects, like the slavery and war. The contrast between innocent children and truly infamous world is a hard sell, but a very possible one, if Stranger Things (2016) has taught me anything. 

The indigenous people also felt thrown into the story for me, and even seemed unnecessary the way they were presented. Their fighting style didn’t seem particularly unique (or effective), their costumes were not particularly rich, and their intentions seemed to come from a glorified past we didn’t get to see. I feel like they had to be there because they were in the original story, but their necessity in this movie was questionable. 

Now, if the movie had had more time, say, (**Spoilers ahead**) if the first movie had focused simply on Blackbeard’s exploitation of pixum and Peter’s escape from the compound, then the second one could have been about Peter discovering Neverland and its inhabitants (the tribe, the fairies, the mermaids), and the third movie could be the climax where Peter rises up against Blackbeard and the Pirates (**end of spoilers**). 

Again, I know this would all never happen, because producers don’t like investing in something they’re not sure will sell. They would hardly invest in three Peter Pan origin movies, particularly if the first one did as badly as Pan did. But as usual, I am speaking from a story standpoint. And although I understand that people claim that the world has simply “moved on” from the notion of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, I think that if we had had the time to explore a new, original Neverland, we could have been sold into loving Peter again. This movie could have reawaken the joys of being a child into many viewers’ hearts. But instead, it settled for being a rushed movie, with clashing themes, and brilliant aspects just begging to be explored. Now, it’s true that, as I said in the beginning, my expectations for this movie might have been so low, I ended up finding too many redeeming points about it, and maybe one day I’ll come to disagree with myself about all this. But for now, I honestly feel that this is one of the only bad movies I wish they had done more of.

[marissarla924-blog]

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[randomrichards]

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: – ARRIVAL – LA LA LAND – LION – MOONLIGHT – SILENCE Who Will Win? It’s La La Land Vs. Moonlight in their first of many one on ones. In terms of cinematography, these two films have a lot in common. There’s a notable use of colour in both films. For La La Land, cinematographer Linus Sandgren would bring out the reds, blues, yellows and greens of costumes and set pieces during musical numbers to contrast with the realistic scenes in between them. It’s especially notable in the opening number “Another Day of Sun,” Which sees the colourful dresses of the dancers clash with the realistic blue skies and grey freeways. While that film emphasizes basic colours, cinematographer James Laxton emphasizes neon colours for Moonlight. Drawing inspiration from the film’s original title “In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue”, Laxton shoots night scenes with a hint of blue, especially when Chiron’s alone on the beach. Other colours he focuses on are greens from buildings, yellow for street lights, and pinks for neon lights, each one used in selective moments to bring beauty to the shot. A perfect example is a scene where Chiron’s mother (Naomie Harris) screams homophobic slurs at her son. Laxton shoots the scene with a point of view shot in slow motion, with pink neon beams through a door right behind her. He also shows a POV shot of Chiron standing in a dingy kitchen, taking the verbal abuse. Both films use the colours sparingly. Most scenes are shot with realism, so when they go for a stylistic approach to a scene, it’s something special. At first, La La Land seems to only go for stylization for musical numbers, but they also use it for scenes when we go inside our main character’s heads. Whenever Sebastian starts to play a solo tune or Mia’s deep in thought, the world around them goes dark, with a spotlight on them. Moonlight is more particular with their stylization. For the most part, Laxton brings a beauty to the lower-class Miami setting, portraying days with a bright sunny tone and nights with dark blue skies and yellow street lights. They feel realistic, and yet there’s a beauty to how he shoots the scenes. Even when it’s just someone’s just cooking’ it’s shot with a particular beauty. The stylization’s a little lower key with this one, but the film still equals La La Land in its beauty. But the award’s going to go to the more impressive and flashy La La Land. BEST EDITING: – ARRIVAL – HACKSAW RIDGE – HELL OR HIGH WATER – LA LA LAND – MOONLIGHT Who Will Win? This award will go to La La Land. I could tell from the extended drum solo in the climax of Whiplash that editor Tom Cross would win the 2014 Oscar for Best Film Editing. Now Cross reteams with writer/director Damien Chazelle for this modern musical. This is quite a sharp contrast from the fast-paced editing of Mad Max: Fury Road with Cross’ more patient editing. I notice the musical numbers rarely uses cuts, consisting of long takes. It reminds me of musical numbers of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly, who use long takes to showcase their dance skills. These shots serve the same purpose, especially when Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone tap dancing across a LA Freeway. In an era where most music videos and modern musicals resort to disorienting quick cutting in a misguided attempt to keep the audiences’ attention, Cross’ nuanced editing style feels refreshing. When Cross does cut a musical number, the results are dazzling. It’s a challenge to describe film editing without the film, so I’m going to use the number “Someone in the Crowd” as an example. When Mia (Stone) and her friends head to a party, we’re treated to images at home in classic musicals. At first, we get the four of them dancing across the street, each dressed in her own colour. Then we are treated to a montage of street signs followed by close-ups of champagne poured into glasses. It all ends with the camera spinning around a pool, blending into another scene. You can imagine these scenes in a classic musical, and yet it still feels modern. BEST MAKEUP & HAIRSTYLE: – A MAN CALLED OVE – STAR TREK BEYOND – SUICIDE SQUAD Who Will Win? This one will be a battle between Star Trek Beyond and Suicide Squad. Suicide Squad’s strength in this category comes from the character of Killer Croc (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), who looks amazing with his scaly flesh and razor sharp teeth. The fact they didn’t rely on CGI for this character is a major bonus. The film also has some creative styles with Harley Quinn’s (Margot Robbie) and the Joker’s (Jared Leto) makeup. Too bad you can’t see the same effort in the jumbled mess of a script and incompetent editing. While Suicide Squad had to create one realistic looking human-crocodile hybrid, the latest Star Trek film faced the bigger challenge of creating humanoid aliens. Not just one type of aliens, but multiple unique race, each unique in their looks and culture. After already create a series of alien races in two Star Trek films, makeup artists Joel Harlow and Richard Alonzo must make the new alien characters stand out in looks. They didn’t disappoint. Contrast the looks between the villain Krall (Idris Elba) and ally warrior Jaylah (Sofia Boutella). Krall has this jagged, leathery skin ripped off a sting ray. Jayla, however, has this pale look with a unique face paint that may be a representative of a unique culture. For these reasons, I’m predicting Star Trek Beyond as the winner for makeup. BEST COSTUME DESIGN: – ALLIED – FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM – FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS – JACKIE – LA LA LAND Who Will Win? Now we have a tough one. You’d probably expect me to predict La La Land. Not so much this time. While there are some stunning colourful clothing throughout the film, the film faces tough competition this time. But don’t leave it out just yet. After some consideration, I’ve narrowed it down to either Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Jackie and La La Land. It’s a battle between the three things this category loves; fantasy, period pieces and musicals. In terms of wardrobe, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has quite a fascinating obstacle. The clothing of the Harry Potter films stand out amongst other fantasy films, with robes and scarves as much a part of JK Rowling’s mythology as Hogwarts or Hippogriffs. For a spinoff prequel to the Harry Potter series, the costumes should both feel like a part of the Potterverse while standing on its own. Enter Colleen Atwood. As a frequent collaborator of Tim Burton, Atwood has a real niche for fantasy clothing. Along with Burton films, she’s also created costumes for such films as The Silence of the Lambs, Gattaca and the entire Arrowverse[1]. Throughout her 30-year career, she has been nominated twelve times and won three times.[2] She meets the challenge head on and doesn’t disappoint. A notable perk with designing costumes in a fantasy film is the opportunity to get more creative with the design. There’s also more opportunities to add to the character’s personalities through their clothing, which Atwood takes advantage of. Each character’s clothing brings out his/her personality. Queenie’s (Alison Sudol) pink attire and dinner dresses brings out her Marilyn Monroe-like bubbliness. Credence’s (Ezra Miller) starchy suite and tight collar shirts really emphasize his abusive, repressive upbringing. But one that stands out the most is our hero Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne). As the new lead character of the Potterverse, Redmayne needs a wardrobe to help him stand out. From the moment, you see his blue trench coat and yellow button vest, and undersized clothes, Newt automatically becomes a memorable character. It seems to bring out his social awkwardness. Plus, his Hufflepuff scarf brings sheer glee to the members of that house. This film also scores points for taking place in 1926, which feeds into this category’s fetish for period pieces. By period pieces, I mean the dazzling looking part of those periods. But the franchise element might work against it here. Plus, the predictions’ been swinging between Jackie and La La Land like a pendulum. Like I said, this category adores period pieces, with nearly every winner taking place decades before it was made.[3] Jackie fits that category perfectly. With the film taking place during the events around JFK’s assassination and his funeral, designer Madeline Fontaine needs to recreate the exact clothing Jackie Kennedy (Natalie Portman) and her family wore during these real-life events. Of course, you have Jackie’s trademark pink coat and hat, but there’s also her funeral clothing and the dresses she wore before the events. Fontaine also creates other dresses for her to wear in one scene where Jackie downs her grief in booze and tries on multiple dresses while listening to the Camelot soundtrack. This film has a great chance of winning based on accuracy alone. But La La Land could add this to a long list of potential wins. While this category loves period pieces, it also loves musical, with wins for Chicago and Moulin Rouge.[4] For the costumes, designer Mary Zophres blends the vintage with the modern, putting women in bright colourful dresses and men in classy white collar shirts and ties. Like the cinematography, the colours on the costumes pop out in glorious fashion. Plus, the loose style makes it easy for the actors to move during the dance number. Plus, if it wins, it will be the first Best Costume Design winning film to take place in its current era since 1994’s Priscilla: Queen of the Desert. Like I said, it’s either Jackie or La La Land. BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: – ARRIVAL – FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM – HAIL, CEASAR! – LA LA LAND – PASSENGERS Who Will Win? So, who created the best world? If it were up to me, I’d give this to Arrival because I love the design of the spaceship. I mean, it has a gravity breaking wall you can walk sideways. But this award’s most likely going to be another win for La La Land. First, Hollywood loves themselves a tribute to the golden age. You can imagine a lot of these set pieces being used for a Gene Kelly musical. This is especially true when we go to the Hollywood lot where Mia (Emma Stone) works. It’s made deliberately artificial in a satirical sting towards Hollywood. When Mia and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) walk across the lot, they walk past an old timey western with actors dressed as cowboys. Next, they get stopped on a grassy side, where a romance is being shot. We also see stylization in such set pieces as Mia’s bedroom, which has a giant photo of Ingrid Bergman on the walls. But the set design shines the most in the closing number, where we many set pieces pay homage to classic Gene Kelly films, especially his dance number with Cyd Charisse in Singin’ in the Rain. As with nearly every aspect of the film, the production design contrasts the stylized setting with realistic environments. Some locations are designed with notable realistic flair, from the clutter of Sebastian’s apartment to the poorly hung Christmas decorations of a dingy bar where he works. These contrasts add to the films’ themes of dreams vs. reality that runs throughout the film. BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: – DEEPWATER HORIZON – DOCTOR STRANGE – THE JUNGLE BOOK – KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS – ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY Who will Win? This here’s a tough one. Usually, you’d expect a Star Wars film to be the forerunner. Despite many amazing special effects, the film will suffer a loss due to the uncanny valley creepiness of Tarkin and Leia.[5] I would love for this award to go to Kubo and the Two Strings. First, the idea of this award going to an animated film makes me quite giddy. Plus, it would a great recognition for Stop motion animation as a technical process. For frame of film, technicians and animators face the tedious task of gently moving the limbs of every character, replace every face with a new expression and tip every single leaf before they shoot a frame of film. On top of that, they must do this multiple times to create movement that flows naturally. It would take them a whole day just to make a character blink. Considering the fact a second of film takes 24 frames, imagine the persistence it takes to make a 104 minute film. That’s just the beginning of the achievements of Laika Studios. They’ve taken stop motion a step further by using 3D printing to design the faces of the characters, which allows more nuanced expressions. Plus, they use computer effects to digitally remove creases on character’s faces and create wider environments. That’s not including the hand-designed creatures of this film. I mean, they created monsters bigger than themselves. That’s impressive. I’d recommend watching this episode of Frame By Frame to see the work Laika puts into their films. But it’s more likely to go to a live action film. I would like that film will be Doctor Strange, not so much for technique, but it will win for style. In terms of techniques, it doesn’t offer anything special. What makes this special is how it uses it. To give the magic a unique feel, the effects artists draw a lot from the psychedelic artwork co-creator Steve Ditko used on the original comics. Whenever characters bend reality, the environment twists into a revolving kaleidoscope. The result is many visually stunning scenes, from the time reversal fight scene to design of Dormammu. But the biggest standout is the chase scene that inceptions the shit out of New York. Seeing buildings folding in on themselves into various universes is an acid trip without the acid. Here’s another episode of Frame by Frame, detailing the films’ psychedelic style. But its top competitor is the Jungle Book and for good reason. Like fellow Oscar winner Life of Pi, the making of the film has an Indian actor acting alone surrounded by green/blue screen with only a few set pieces to fall back on. This time, it’s a child actor (Neel Sethi)[6] interacting with puppets atop a rock. Then the SFX artists tries to turn the green screen into a jungle and the puppets into monkeys. And they pull it off, creating a believable world. When I watch the film, I believe that’s the kid’s living in the jungle. Talking animals are a challenge to pull off. It’s not enough to just animate a dog’s lips moving, the dog also should look like it knows what its saying. The makers of Babe understood this, and that’s why it won the Oscar for Best Visual Effects. Making a live action animal talk is a delicate balance. If they are too realistic, they’ll fall into uncanny valley. Besides, animals aren’t usually expressive with the more nuanced side of emotions. If they are too cartoony, it’ll be a challenge for the audience to suspend their disbelief. It’s a difficult tightrope, but The Jungle Book walks it with surprising grace. The effects team does an excellent job making the animals look realistic, like they were taken from the wildlife. When they speak, I’m blown away by how natural they look. The most notable is Baloo, who seems to share Bill Murray’s droll facial expressions. Looks like the odds are in favour of either Doctor Strange or The Jungle Book. Mostly the Jungle Book. [1] The DC television universe, which includes Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow and Supergirl. [2] For Chicago, Memoirs of a Geisha and Alice in Wonderland [3] Or in the case of Mad Max: Fury Road, decades after the film is made. Apparently, some articles are counting the future as period pieces. [4] Then again, there were also loses for modern musicals including Into the Woods, Les Miserables and Nine, so being a musical isn’t a guarantee. [5] Not to mention the moral questions of digitally inserting dead actors into films. [6] While we’re at it, let’s give props to Neel Sethi for his performance. He’s pretty much acting alone throughout the film, interacting only with puppets and people in blue suits. To do this while convincing us he’s interacting with a giant bear or a panther must be difficult for a child actor.