#and also!!! i feel like if i seem anxious im just. left to drown in it??

[skyeateyourdonuts]

blep in the dep

[jiminrings]

I REQUEST A SOFT BADBOY DRABBLE WITH SHY READER AND HES TEASING HER BUT SOMEONE ELSE JOIMS IN AND THEYRE DOING IT TO BE MEAN BUT HES LIKE STFU BEFORE I PUMCH UR FACE ONLY IM ALLOWED TO BULLY SHY READER GRR 😡😡😡😡 and soft readers like 0.o but *squeals incoherently* 😭😭😭😭

last name, jeon.

drabble week: day two

drabble week masterlist

pairing: badboy!jungkook x shy!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "can't you tell that i really don't want you to be here?"

notes: a tiny change on the plot!! also: frat boy!jimin from day four makes an appearance :D

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

“do you wanna form-“

... yes

you DO have an alliance with jungkook

it's a very fair trade honestly

he pretends to be your boyfriend!! there's no specific boundaries to it, but he springs into action as soon as you're put into an inconvenience

in exchange, you whore him out to your friends!!! :D

no but literally that's how he called it

the whole reason this came to be in the first place is because you hATE confrontation with a burning passion

especially when it comes to those "i have a crush on you" moments that people spring on you all of a sudden

you don't like them back!!! that's the truth!!! but the problem is that you aLWAYS feel guilty letting people down

you obviously don't have the obligation to like someone back just because you sit next to them in class :// IT'S JUST IN YOUR NATURE TO FEEL THAT WAY

you wouldn't get into a relationship with said confessor to ease your guilt, clearly

do you plan on denying their advances? yes

but hOW????

you always take the passive-aggressive approach

you get jungkook to carry your bag and hold your hand, walk in front of said person and pretend not to see them, jungkook makes sURE to put some snide eye contact in there aaaaand the whole ordeal is finished :D

you've managed to let someone down slowly without having to speak to them in-person!!!

jungkook comes more handy than that too

you take him when you want to eat out because you're too anxious to eat alone

you take him when you want to go somewhere in which lining up is essential and you're also too anxious to stand by yourself

you take him when you want to go shopping when there's a sale but you're almost always intimidated by the barrage of people and salespeople so he asks and answers the questions for you

jungkook, in hindsight, is the perfect fake boyfriend for you <3

ALSO jungkook wants something from you

"whore me out to the girls from the families your family's friends with, and it's a deal :D"

that alliance and exchange is going pretty well so far

you mAY be on the more-reserved side but that doesn't mean you're self-aware!!!

you know that your parents are loaded and your shy nature could be somehow chalked to that since you didn't really have anyone that wasn't as non-superficial as you'd like, since they were the overprotective helicopter two-rotor seven-blade parents :(((

jungkook, however, is the only constant you have in your formula

you've known him since childhood and have been friends ever since

his mom's your mom's personal assistant, and one day when mrs. jeon couldn't find a babysitter for jungkook, your mom didn't hesitate to let four-year old jungkook come with her to work

jungkook's your fIRST actual friend that hates gold spoons with you because of how tacky they look :-) he's your emotional support person basically

your emotional support person who was sO close to running late from picking you up during his free day >:( you were about to break into a sprint if he arrived a second later, because you managed to spot a jock coming to you from the corner of your eye awhile ago

You Do Not Like Him <3

"and i even changed into a short-sleeved shirt to ward off your suitors. how romantic of me, don't you think?"

now that he mentions it, it's only now when you can drink him in in full-display

... wow

his right arm's the only one with his tattoos while his left's completely blank, but something about the balance just makes you !!!!!!!! even more

his arm's not completely covered but it was coming to be, something about the blank spaces of skin that are yet to be inked being a nice touch

"very romantic, kook."

now tHAT'S the answer he wanted to hear

he forcibly on your helmet for you to showcase, your grunts of annoyance being drowned out by whistling

(he's even looking left and right and making eye contact with anyone who has their eyes landing on you!!!!)

your cheeks smushed is a look he'll never be tired being in awe of, but he'll never tell you that, of course

"do you ever wonder if your parents would kill me if i misplace even a single hair on you?" jungkook thinks out loud and you don't even flinch with how sudden his thoughts could be, sitting on his seat first so it'd already be balanced when you do, "you sure you’re okay riding with me?? on a motorcycle????"

he usually uses yOUR family's vehicles (they let him and insisted he just takes one at this point) but when you called him, he was en route to kim kradle (it's a one-stop vehicle shop apparently) to get new rims for his motorcycle, bUT NOT ANYMORE HE GUESSES????

you come first compared to the booking he's waited on for three weeks

"i have insurance, i think."

no that's the wrong answer

why did you even bother.,,.,

jungkook flicks your nose because your forehead's protected by the helmet, his face contorted in half faux frustration

"you were supposed to be mad at me for asking that — not logical!! don't even joke about that."

"... my life insurance? like, in the instance that i-"

oW THAT HURT

he flicked even harder this time!!!

you roll your eyes at him and it doesn't go unnoticed, a hand outstretching instead of his fingers flexing

“wallet, please.”

????

jungkook's surprised that you even look confused, this time rolling his eyes at you

“you rolled your eyes at me. you need to bribe me so i won’t rat you out.”

right

he has a never-ending knack for the you're rich jokes

you also know that he likes the cold and would turn the fan on even if it's too hot for a blanket, just because he wants to feel cocooned

you also know that he picks from the fourth row of drinks from the front because it's always been a habit

("the germs cling on to the first row!!!")

you also know that maybe, just maybe, you can't stand it tonight when he's putting himself out there instead of being your faux boyfriend

you keep on zoning out and hoseok, perhaps the only tolerable fellow rich kid you can tolerate within your circle, finally connects the dots in his head and snickers

he's been talking about finding the vintage sneakers he's always wanted on depop and how he almost got scammed for like tWENTY minutes already

in reality, all your nods and scowls aren't towards his story

it's to jungkook and... who's that? jihye whose dad is so colossally shitty, that this one rapper wrote a diss song for him? oh yeah, that jihye

"you like him. like actually 'lose your virginity to him' love him."

WHAT???

there's no way

"how did you-"

"you blush like one."

alright that answer was too quick

hoseok should've ATLEAST tried to wait for a few seconds before answering

"a-and the love part?"

"babe, jungkook may not be the richest one here and that should say a lot," you peer up at him nervously and he actually chuckles, peering to everyone at this function, "dude's humble — he could also just be dense to not see you love him."

okay very true

hobi's making a dig rn at how jungkook coinicidentaally happens to be blonde and maybe this is your cue to leave

hobi does not realize that his hair is aLSO dyed blonde while talking shit about jungkook and his hari

okay this is it

once again, you are NOT listening to hoseok and he's figured out what you're doing by now

you're psyching yourself up with a couple of shots and your heels are digging on the carpeted ballroom

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO BE MORE OUTGOING!!

"pretend to wobble. it doesn't help that nothing can sink you."

oh okay makes sense

if you're gonna try and charm jungkook while trying to play it off as just being tipsy playfulness, atleast make it believable

hoseok snickers because this is just A+ content with the things that you choose to do in your way

shy girl with high alcohol tolerance mannn coming of age film writers would LOVE you ://

you're about to cross the distance between you and jungkook, but something knocks you on your shoulder with a gentle force that seemed intentional

is that-

hold on a second

"what a coincidence :O"

jimin?

jimin???

as in, wholesome yet slightly fuckboy-ish frat guy jimin???

he looks dashing and composed, meeting your eyes perfectly and he doesn't let your confusion startle him

"i know that look. what am i doing here?"

he says it eloquently as if he's practiced it

AND HE DID!!!

you must've looked so shocked that you immediately apologized, shaking your head no

"i-i didn’t mean-..."

you're confused, sure, but that doesn't mean you're immediately judging

it's just that you never saw jimin here or any function of the like, but you wouldn't put it past him if he does go to these things!!! he looks like a million dollars anyways

"relax, doll. you’re so far the only other person i know that i've seen in these type of things."

he looks calm and collected, but maybe that's just because he spent the last five minutes waiting for you to stand so he could bump into you

this place is just sO suffocating and a familiar face is gonna be his relief from something so fancy that it became mundane

"have we been in the same event before this?"

"not that i recall, no. i get invited but this is only the first time after awhile that i went."

jimin drinks from his champagne flute, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, "wanna know why i'm here?"

you're curious!!! what can you say!!!!

you never really interacted with jimin at all before this, but a familiar face like his is comforting

because hoseok's already engaged in another conversation and jungkook's,,,, being jungkook and is fawning all over jihye

jimin chuckles at your insistent nodding, leaning closer to whisper to your ear

"my stepdad’s loaded as fuck."

oh so that's why

he tugs you down to sit at the nearest possible empty chairs, all its occupants gone anyways because they're in the dancefloor busting tRULY horrendous moves

maybe it's because jimin feels lonely too like you are, and it's him feeling comfortable because he's pulled you like ten seconds ago and not once asked him anything out of bounds

maybe that's why he fell into conversation with you easily because you're always intently listening

"might love me as a real son too. maybe that’s a bonus? you don’t really expect that shit in the things you see."

this situation is actually pretty cute

you snort because maybe you’re nOT that shy when you drink,, that’s the only thing that changes in you probably

this whole conversation that sprung from boredom was unknowingly the subject of many stares, including jungkook who you were initially supposed to go to

“you’re worthy of love, jimin.”

:O

jimin sPITS his drink because where the fuck did THAT come from???

why did you say that and why does he feel that he needed to hear that

“i-i think — i think you need more,” he raises his own glass to your lips hurriedly, caught in surprise but you still gulp nonetheless

“you’re-“ you keep sputtering as he keeps making you drink, but he rubs circles on your back at the same time and it's when you realize that jimin the frat guy may not be that bad, “what??? don’t think you’re not the only one with daddy issues! shouldn’t we have like, a radar for each other?”

jimin snorts at your counter and his eyes crinkle to the point where he can't see anything, not being able to see how you're still trying to recover with all that fizz down your throat

wow ur really enjoyable to talk to

“you’re insane and i think-“

listen

you're not really big on feeling beyond a sense and all that stuff, but you feel as if the aura around you just got dark all of a sudden

"who are you calling insane?"

jungkook appears at your side in an instant, hands wrapped around your shoulders while you remain seated

you've honestly forgotten that you were supposed to go to jungkook, but you're reminded of that vERY clearly now

"go away, jimin," he mutters through his teeth, looking at him dead in the eye

hold on

wait

THAT'S JIMIN???

okay now he's confused

sometimes jungkook's mouth just moves on its own without loading the thought process

"why are YOU here?"

jimin furrows his brows, shocked that he'd even see jungkook here out of all people

the guy barely even attends classes!!! and that's coming from him!!

"why’s he here?"

he crouches to your ear, eyes still furrowed at the younger guy

"long story."

nO???

jungkook scowls bitterly because jesus fuck

YOU’RE ON WHISPERING TERMS NOW????

he left for one second, and the moment he comes back, that's when this fucking frat guy approaches you?? was he waiting on him to leave??

you and jungkook only act as a couple when the need arises, and even if you don't feel it, hE feels that this is the need!!! this is the need and it is arising!!!

"get back to uh, alpha bravo charlie or something, park. beat it."

why’s he reciting the nato phonetic alphabet???

jungkook sounds half-angry and half-sad at the same time, and you don't know which side should you focus on

“move,” he repeats this time again but more sternly, making jimin much more confused since jungkook's trying to pull him away from his seat

jimin doesn't budge and it makes the frown even more evident in jungkook's face

what is he FEELING

“can’t you tell that i really don’t want you to be here?”

“i’m not here for you, though. i’m here for y/n.”

he answers honestly, shis gut telling him that there's definitely something going on between the two of you

“y/n doesn’t want you here," kook argues back surely, only noticing your bitten lips now that makes him realize that you're not exactly sober; just a happy kind of rush

he sees you raise your hand timidly, an equally cheeky smile on your face that's only directed to jungkook like it's meant for him

"i-i actually don’t mind."

you don't,,,

you don't mind?

HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

why aren't you signaling him to commence the faux boyfriend act!!

"y/n has a boyfriend."

“... i’m not hitting on her.”

alright this is more than the entertainment that jimin wished for lol

“yeah, well she has a boyfriend still so beat it.”

you do??

the last time you checked, jihye's gonna have jungkook as her boyfriend within the night!!

“i don-“

ALRIGHT THEN

jimin decides to indulge jungkook, knocking his knee with yours as he winks slyly, urging you silently to watch on, turning to look at you and ask

“what’s your boyfriend’s name?”

you don't answer.

that gives him all the more reason to do so.

“last name, jeon.”

jungkook looks the most determined you've ever seen him, eyes characteristically angry with his arms across his chest that his suit tightens, “first name, me.”

....

......

the three of you know that’s not the truth

jimin takes it in, sighing when he sense that something else is about to be unfold and he does noT want to be a part of it

not before whispering to your ear again for the last time, of course

“pretty weird name if you ask me,” you laugh automatically, momentarily forgetting that jungkook's standing by you on just your opposite side and could hear you

he leaves and that only leaves you with jungkook, looking up at him as he's too frantic to even sit

“what are you doing?”

“being a social butterfly," you quip just as fast, drinking your water afterwards

jungkook only clenches his jaw by then, being taken-aback when you speak again

“who are you doing?”

://

“i’m busy being mad at- wait a minute, WHO???”

who instead of what??

the short-lived enthusiasm you had with jimin left with him, crashing just as hard when you're reminded of jungkook's presence

“jihye’s a pretty nice girl. you should go home early tonight.”

his brows furrow, trying to get you to look at him but you avoid his gaze insistently, “what? what are you talking about?”

“she’s not my girlfriend though.”

you're not at all satisfied with the answer because it sounds so wrong, knowing that jungkook's a handsome guy and everyone wants to be with him!!!

and he probably wants to be with everyone else besides you.

“then who-...”

“don’t know yourself anymore? jimin must’ve really swept you off your feet, huh?”

jungkook huffs as he qualifies for a rebutt, your internal wallowing being cut short

“he’s not my boyfriend.”

...

....

“well would you look at that,” jungkook snickers, sighing through his nose as your eyes finally meet his, directly stubborn yet soft around the edges

“she’s not my girlfriend, and he’s not your boyfriend. what a coincidence.”

god did he feel so threatened the moment his eyes couldn't find you besides hobi and instead next to jimin, eyes crinkled in laughter without hesitation

have you been chasing after one another this whole time?

jungkook silently grabs you by the hand and you wave no opposition to it

maybe it's your liquor-influenced vision or maybe it's you hyperfixating on such a warm moment, but your eyes immediately lock to see the matching red thread bracelet he wore like yours

you're dressed in next year's spring collection line, and the structured silk black gown that has a train behind it doesn't exactly scream to have a simple red thread bracelet as its accessory according to your mom's designer and everyone else —

but you don't have the heart to take it off

there's no need to take it off

jungkook drives your car and no one says a single thing about anything

his hand’s on your thigh and you don’t question it, eyes locking into the way his hand looks perfect and the way the bracelet looks meant to be wrapped in his wrist in the first place

you're sure this time that it's not the newfound courage you have, but rather the need to do it

you kiss jungkook's cheek on a red light.

it's on a red light that jungkook realizes he could fit the visage of his world within one hand, finally kissing you like he's always wanted to

“yeah. what a coincidence.”

[2dmenenthusiast]

I can't remember if I sent this to you already but could I request headcanons for aizawa, hizashi and Toshinori finding their s/o that has a chipmunk quirk that makes her fall into hibernation when it's too cold (kinda like tsu) but when the guys find her with her heart rate low and her breathing shallow maybe they freak a little bc she didn't tell them about that part of her quirk yet

omggggg this idea is literally so cute I got so excited when I first read it. Also thank you love for comin through with the requests, I really appreciate it! <3 I also hella struggled cuz like, what can someone with a chipmunk quirk do? Stuff their cheeks? Climb up trees? Also I legit forgot what a chipmunk even looked like I had to look it up lmaoooo im so dumb it hurts

Aizawa is an intimidating fella, okay

So when you first told him about your quirk, you were lowkey embarrassed?

Like, here’s this grown-ass man with a badass quirk who is more than capable of taking down villains and defending himself, and here you are just-

🐿️

But you know what’s great about this man? He couldn’t give less of a shit about your quirk or anything like that. He strikes me as the type to care more about personality than anything else

concealing your quirk is fairly easy. People probably wouldn’t even know you had one if it wasn’t for the small fluffy ears popping out of the top of your head, and even then you could just cover them with a hat

But that doesn’t mean you don’t experience the effects of your own quirk just because it’s subtle

You have a mutant type quirk, so you experience certain things that actual chipmunks do

Sometimes you won’t even notice that you’re stuffing your cheeks to full capacity with whatever you’re eating before Aizawa has to cut you off and just be like

“y/n. Chew.”

Or when you’re rushing, you’re usually going so fast that Aizawa can barely even see you zooming from room to room

you can also get kinda skittish at times, your ears twitching whenever you hear a noise that sounds weird or out of place, and you’ll just look at Aizawa with wide eyes until he checks out what made a noise that he could barely hear

“y/n, it was just some kids outside.”

“Oh... sorry, Sho.”

he wants to be frustrated, but he knows it’s not your fault. And honestly? He finds you so cute that he can’t really stay mad at you

So he’ll just let out a huff before patting your head lovingly, grazing his fingers over your ears (Which he KNOWS are sensitive, that asshole)

Experiencing long periods of deep sleep is also a thing. You wouldn’t call it hibernation cuz you still have to do normal, everyday things, but there are times during the winter where you’ll sleep for a few days in a row and only get up to go to the bathroom or eat

And since you can’t actually burrow into the floor of your home, you usually make a blanket fort in the corner of your bedroom and stuff all of the pillows and blankets you can in there until it’s nice and warm, ready for you to bury yourself in

and you might’ve left that little part of your quirk out when you moved in together. whoops

So when Shouta comes home and sees the living room couch void of all of its pillows, he’s not expecting to walk into your shared bedroom and see you curled up in a blanket fort

he’s a bit curious at first, just kinda looking at you like “All right, I guess this is normal?”

and he’ll crouch down and kinda examine you for a bit before he eventually wonders if you’re even breathing? You’re burried under blankets, so he can’t really see your chest moving

eventually he’ll check and see that your breathing is abnormally slow and he kinda just... pauses and checks again to make sure he’s not going crazy.

and he wont deny that he kinda freaks out at first, his immediate thought being that he needs to get you out of there, but the second he grabs the blankets to pull them off of you he’s like wait... hold up.

then it all clicks

you’re a mutant with a chipmunk quirk...

c h i p m u n k

safe to say he’s relieved, so he just lets you be and goes about his day. 

When you wake up a few hours later to go to the bathroom, you come out of the bedroom with your clothes practically on backwards, rubbing at your eyes and stumbling past Aizawa like he’s not even there. And when you’re done, it’s right back to sleep you go

“Back to bed?” Aizawa would ask as he watches you with an amused smirk on his face

“Mhm.”

“Okay. Goodnight, y/n”

“Mm’night.

Listen, when he first heard of your quirk, he thought it was the cutest shit ever

“Your quirk is Chipmunk?! That’s SOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTE!”

No he’s legit your number one hype man. If you think your quirk is lame, he’s literally shouting at you how cool he thinks you are.

“You can stuff so much food in your mouth, y/n! And that’s pretty dope if you ask me! I’m totally jealous!”

speaking of food, he’ll just randomly ask you to shove as much as you can of one thing in your cheeks until they’re at full capacity.

“Hey y/n, think you can shove this whole pack of jumbo marshmallows in your cheeks?”

“But... I just bought those :(”

“I’ll buy you more, LET’S DO THIS!!!”

also asks you the dumbest questions omg. You don’t know if he’s genuinely curious or if he’s just doing it to piss you off

“So do you just eat nuts all day?”

“You’ve seen me eat, Hizashi. No.”

“Do you prefer to sleep in trees?”

“That would be extremely uncomfortable.”

“Ooh you’d probably be great frieds with Kamui Woods then.”

“Did you not hear what I just said?”

He also REALLY likes your ears. Like an unhealthy amount? Whenever you’re around he literally wont stop touching them and even tugs on them playfully until you’re swatting at his hands and telling him to go away

He can’t help that they’re so cute :(

so on a particuallry cold day in winter when he has to go to work at the school, he leaves your home while you’re sleeping, only to come home hours later to find you... still sleeping?

You haven’t moved an inch the entire time he’s been gone, so needless to say, he’s a litle concerned.

and when he checks to see if you’re still alive only to discover your heart rate is super slow, he’s A LOT concerned

His brain just goes to the most dramatic thing he can think of, which is that you’re in some weird coma and need to wake up

so rather than, i dont know, gently shaking you awake like a normal person, he grabs you buy your shoulders and starts shaking you violently while shouting your name loud as fuck

“Y/NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

you literally wake up so violently, you sit right up and shove him off of you before asking what’s wrong with him, pretty sure you’ve officially gone deaf

He then explains that he thought you were in a coma or something cuz your heartbeat was so slow, and at that point you just roll your eyes because of course he would come up with this ridiculous conclusion

“Hizashi, my quirk is chipmunk and it’s a mutation quirk.”

He doesn’t even get what you’re getting at, just tilting his head in confusion as he squints at you.

“What do chipmunks do in the winter, babe?”

Cue more confused squinting

“Oh my god, they hibernate, you headass.”

it finally clicks and the look on his face makes it seem like he just learned the secret of the universe, and afterwards he’s going on about how cool that is while you just roll your eyes and lay back down to try and go back to sleep, bringing the blanket over your head to try and drown him out

He eventually gets the hint and leaves, but after a while, you kinda feel bad for blowing up on him. He was just concerned and didn’t fully understand your quirk

so letting out a huff, you pull the blanket down and call out his name, to which he immediately runs to you at the sound of, asking you what you need

you just wordlessly lift up the blanket to expose the empty side of the bed, and oh boy, the size of the grin he gets on his face is unmatched

immediately throws off his hero costume so that you can both be comfortable and jumps into bed with you, holding you impossibly close

you fall asleep in a matter of minutes while he just looks at you fondly, hand soothingly rubbing your back.

Just like the other two, he finds you incredibly cute. Like mans is in love, okay?

everytime he sees your little ears twitch, he just gets the strongest urge to touch them, but he never does without your consent becuase he knows how sensitive they are.

“Uh... y/n, do you mind if I... touched your ears?” 

Baby probably feels so awkward asking ugh PLEASE REASSURE HIM

“Oh? Yeah, of course, Toshi. Knock yourself out.”

oooh he’s excited. He’ll be super gentle about it, just lightly grazing them with his fingers before gently rubbing them between his thumb and forefinger

and at that point you’re littlerally melting, practically falling into him because him caressing your ears like this feels absolutely amazing

When he sees how it’s affecting you, he immediately becomes a blushing mess and apologizes, but you just hug him and tell him it’s okay and that you liked it

yeah he definitely rubs your ears whenever you’re feeling stressed or anxious because it’s become a quick way to relax you

only when he does it though. If anyone else randomly touches your ears, you get kinda uncomfortable

Just because they don’t look human doesn’t mean they still weren’t a part of you, dammit

Anyways, one day when you’re waiting for Toshi to come back home, you’ve got yourself wrapped up like a burrito in your blanket, sitting on the couch as you watched tv

it had been snowing all day, but luckily Toshinori had turned up the thermostat before he left, remembering how you mentioned that you’re not a huge fan of the cold

unfortunately for you, the harsh weather had no trouble taking out the power, leaving you in the dark and the cold

it didn’t take long for the cold to start seeping in through the cracks in the windows, and you quickly began to grow tired before you inevitibly passed out on the couch, still wrapped tightly in your blanket

When Toshi gets home and sees you on the couch, his first reaction is “aw, how cute.”

but then when he comes up to you and starts calling out your name to try and wake you up and you just won’t, and then he notices how much your breathing has slowed down, he quickly growns concerened.

He’s not in full panic mode yet, but he’s getting there, and he’s quick to crouch down to your level and grab your shoulders to start shaking you to wake you up

which you do, blinking groggily at him like you weren’t just in full hibernation mode

“Oh... Hey, Toshi,” you mumble, and you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck to pull him down so that you can nuzzle yourself into his warm chest

He’s not able to ask you about what happened to you before you’ve already fallen back asleep, and when the power comes back on a few minutes later, he does a quick google search on chipmunks and mutant quirks before putting two and two together

Now he’s thinking of all the ways he could make you something to burrow into during those especially cold winters

[it-was-summer]

When I’m Away (Aged Up!Five x Fem!Reader)

Requested: Yes! Im so glad you guys enjoy my writing and support me! 

Plot: It was basically Five and fem!Reader were best friends and in love and when he jumped, she ended up in the apocalypse together with him. He finally confessed. A few years down the line they got married (as best as one can in an apocalypse xD) and eventually made it home together slightly aged up. Five was always insecure about the fact that he made Reader suffer though even accidentally. It was his biggest regret but most selfish happiness. Post-apocalypse saving, he overhears a conversation Reader is having with one of the other Hargreeves (Klaus, Allison or Vanya come to mind) and misinterprets it/mishears it. He thinks Reader regrets being with him and was truly miserable all this time and that crushes him inside. He starts doing his best to make things happier for her but also makes himself scarce. In a life or death situation, he ends up putting himself in the line of fire for her and before he passes out from the wounds, he whispers an apology to her with tears in his eyes and that he wishes that she can have a second chance now that she's young again. Of course Reader doesn't understand at all what he means and Five refers back to what she said and that's when she realizes what he means and that he misunderstood. He ends up blacking out before she can clarify his fears though and her next week is hell because she's so afraid Five won't wake up and will die thinking she never loved him. When he does she sobs, and she finally tells him that he misheard her and that she loves him and wouldn't trade her life with him for anything. (Right up my ally) Just because you wanted them aged up, I made the two of them 18, I hope that is okay!:) I hope that you like it!! @oceanspray5

Word Count:2623

You couldn’t really remember how it happened. The only thing you could remember is a flash of blue appeared and then a boy was there, in a mask. Everyone knew about the Umbrella Academy, you would be lying if you said that you had no idea who they were, but you did indeed recognize the emblem on his uniform. It was weird, however, that he was standing in your backyard. He stared at you, struggling to find something to say before you shrugged and said “Maybe the calculations were off.”

After that he would occasionally pop in without the mask, inviting you out with him when his family was too much or when he was feeling lonely. You didn’t mind, it was nice to have a friend. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if that someone was sometimes a little too blunt.

The two of you sat on a park bench in the middle of the afternoon, sunshine shining down on the two of you when you spoke up “You seem less snarky today.”

“Less?”

“Yes,” you nodded, still waiting for him to say why he was in such good spirits, but his answer never came. You didn’t pry, you knew that eventually he would say something, but right now was not the time.

His friendship came easy, it was like learning how to walk. You didn’t need to remember how to walk, you just knew you could. That’s how it felt to be friends with Five, he was like a walk in the park. It was your feelings that came second, crashing down on you like a piano, leaving you bewildered and wounded.

You never said anything, thinking that it was just a mindless crush that would eventually disappear, leaving things to continue as they normally did. However, you couldn’t help but notice how bright his smile was, how lovely his hair looked, or how he had dimples. None of that made you want to confess, the only thing that made you want to confess is when he would reach out for you. When his fingers would brush against yours in silly moments of bliss, that’s when you felt your chest deflate, leaving you in desperate need for air.

It was Summer, green decorated the world and colors swayed in the hot wind. You watched from the front door of the Hargreeves door. You knew that today was the today. You were just simply waiting for a moment. You were waiting for his schedule to be clear. It was supposed to be clear after lunch and you knew that, so you were here at one in the afternoon, waiting. You were playing with the hem of your shirt when the door opened in a violent fashion. Your eyes gleamed and you stood straighter, but that’s when Five ran past you. You followed suit, ignoring his warnings as he started his own personal mission. You lept towards him, in an attempt to grab hold of him, succeeding only to be surrounded by blue lights. You didn’t let go till Five stopped running.

It was hard to breathe, that was your first thought. You couldn’t seem to get a deep enough breath. Five was screaming, frustration filling up his senses as he tried to escape this hell. Then he ran, back in the direction of the umbrella academy, back to his home. You stood still, noise becoming obsolete as your soul left your body. You felt as if you watched yourself follow Five, you didn’t speak, you didn’t cry. It was only when Five turned to you with a panicked face and teary eyes that you felt your soul return, running over to him and holding him tightly as the two of you sobbed in the wreckage.

Surviving with Five was the easy part, he was your best friend so of course it was easy. The hard part was remembering. Sometimes you would have dreams about home, about your family or friends, sometimes you would even dream about growing up with Five. Growing up normally, as normal as the two of you could be, given how one out of the two of you was especially gifted. You dreamt about school life with Five. Going to prom with Five. Something normal and desperately sweet, but then you would open your eyes and you would be in a crumbling house, feeling hopelessly lost.

It was getting colder and you were looking for something to burn that seemed relatively dry when Five flashed in next to you. “Need help?”

You smiled up at him, giving him a tiny nod as the two of you started to walk into piles of rubble. “Do you ever dream about what could have been?”

“What could have been?”

“Yes,” you picked up a wooden plank “, Sometimes I dream about us, I dream that we met normally, like in the movies.” You explained as Five stared at you. He bit his lip and held his hand out towards you, letting you safely cross a ledge.

“No, I try not to.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, I think that if we were normal,” his hand lingered “, I think that things would be different.”

Your eyes locked onto his for a second before he bent down to pick up some branches. You looked away with a small hum “Maybe, but I think we would always find each other. In this lifetime and in others, I think it always had to be the two of us.”

Five swallowed hard, turning to face you. It had been months now, months since the two of you ended up stuck here, and yet you still seemed so lovely. Even when the entire world was gone, you were still his light. He decided then that, no matter what happened it had to be you. It would always be you. “Like soulmates,”

“If you’d like a definition, then sure, like soulmates.”

“Despite everything I believe in, I can find it in my heart that I have always loved you.” Your eyes became wide as you held the wooden plank closer to your chest, mind running rampant as you tried to string a sentence together in the midst of your astonishment. Five grinned, knowing that he must have said something right by the way your cheeks were turning a beautiful red. You let out a melodic laugh as you leaned towards him, pressing a small kiss to his temple, then whispering a sweet “I love you too.”

Your love for each other grew like wildfire with each passing day; each week, month, and year felt as amazing as the last. The depressing parts of the apocalypse were drowned out by kisses and days of being together. Days of surviving together. That was enough to make it all bearable. All the scorching hot days, the freezing nights and rationing seemed so little compared to how the two of you loved each other. It was a few days before the fortieth anniversary of the apocalypse when Five turned to you with the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face. “What?”You giggled lightly, pushing him softly in a lame attempt to get him to answer you.

“I found some candles and guess what started blooming,” he pulled you by your arm over towards a patch of dandelions. They weren’t exactly flowers, but you weren’t complaining.

“Lovely,” you sighed as a gust of wind blew through the two of you, Five’s mouth moving but you couldn’t make out the words until the wind settled and you heard him say “We should get married,”

It was something impulsive and unplanned. You knew that even with the paperclip rings the two of you managed to make for each other wouldn’t be legally binding, but it was enough. Marrying each other gave the two of you just an ounce of normalcy in the middle of the revived earth. It was enough to make the two of you feel good about the world again. Hope was slowly being restored and the two of you had hoped that this small union between the two of you would be enough to settle the horrible images that surrounded both of your minds every night. So with two small vows and “I do’s”, the two of you wore poorly constructed paper clips around your left ring fingers, proudly.

Now you were staring down at that same paperclip ring on a much younger hand. After escaping from the commission and running, you were addressing your situation silently in a fully furnished, not to mention, elaborate living room. You and Five had jumped back into time, and by some fault the two of you became eighteen again. You felt more alive, yes, but more anxious than ever. You wish the two of you had more time. More time to make up a plan for the apocalypse, a better plan. Five sat with his back against yours, muttering soft calculations in the silence of his home. You just wish the two of you had more time.

The time the two of you were running through a clothing warehouse was when Five first saw it. He saw how desperate your eyes looked. Given that the two of you were being shot at the time, but his mind traveled back to when you talked about normalcy. His heart tugged in his chest, seeing your panicked face move closer, grabbing hold of his hand tightly and yanking him under a countertop. Deep down inside Five always felt guilty for bringing you along, although it wasn’t willingly, his chest still felt heavy as the two of you escaped the warehouse alive. He wanted you to have a normal life, that’s all he wanted. He wished he could be normal for you, stable for you and above all be extremely and completely boring for you, so you could have that normal life that you clung to in your dreams.

You watched Five perform a dance you had never seen before, walking around the kitchen avoiding your stare from the table and escaping any attempts of conversation and he did it all with a sweet smile. One moment he would be talking to himself loudly down the hall, but as soon as he saw you, he sent you a sweet look and stopped talking all together. He seemed so strange, and yet you couldn’t put your finger on it. You were sure that he was just trying to figure things out the same as you, but he was worrying you.

You were walking around the house when you heard Klaus calling your name in a excited tone, he straightened when he saw you, bowed and then said “Mrs.Hargreeves,”

“Klaus,”

“How is the husband?” he asked as he sauntered over next to you, sitting on the couch before he patted the cushion next to him for you to take.

You sat with a tiny huff “He’s being,” you trailed off before saying “,Him.” You let out a defeated sigh as you heard Klaus laugh at your anxiety.

“He’s Five, he’s always been moody!”

“Yes, but he loves me.” You looked down at the paperclip wrapped around your finger with a groan “I think he’s just stressed, or something. He gets distant, yes, but usually he isn’t so happily ignoring me?” you vented before you brought a hand up to your forehead gently.

“Why did you marry him anyway?”

You grinned, feeling childish “Maybe, because he was the last man on earth,”  that was the last sentence Five heard before he walked away, locking himself back up in the room filled with equations. 

“I married him because I love him. I really do.”

Something you had learned at the commission was that a gunshot was less dramatic than it was on television, and the worst thing you learned was that the screen wouldn’t fade to black when things got gory. Now you were wishing you were in a movie, as the gun was pointed at you by Hazel, but instead of the bullet going through you a brilliant flash of blue took the bullet for you and Five was falling to the ground, bleeding out from his chest. You let out a scream, catching him before his body could touch the earth, holding him close in your lap as his siblings fought off the assassins.

“Five,” you said his name clearly, holding back tears as your hands were becoming red with his blood.

His eyes darted towards yours in a second and he smiled softly. “Hey,” you dragged him behind the bar, leaving a trail of blood behind the two of you “Hey, Y/N…” You looked down at the sound of your name, tears blocking your vision. “I’m sorry for,” he paused, eyes searching for the words as his mind became foggy and damp “,for everything really. Please, please stop this and maybe you can move on without me and be better. Be happier.” he said breathlessly as Grace rounded the corner at the perfect time.

“What are you talking about,” his eyes fluttered, fighting to stay conscious as he let out a tiny whine before he drifted off into a state of unconsciousness “,Five!”

Then next few days were absolute torture, you sat at Five’s bedside, waiting for some kind of sign that he would wake up. Grace said his vitals were fine, it was only a matter of time till he was awake, but that didn’t start the ball of anxiety from growing deep within your stomach, infecting all of you quicker than any virus known to man. He had to wake up. Did he truly believe that you could ever live without him? That you could ever do any of this without him? Five was the love of your life, your soulmate, the one person who was supposed to grow old with you… again. You were stuck in this body, feeling miserable as you stared down at your unconscious husband, begging to anything, to anybody, that he would wake up soon.

It was around three in the morning when his eyes opened, slowly, but surely they opened. The first thing he focused on was you, seeing the red around your eyes as you stared down at him. “Five,” you let out a heavy sigh, smiling with relief.

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I’m your wife, why wouldn’t I be here?”

“You only married me because I was the last man on earth,” Five’s fresh eyes filled with tears as he watched you let out a small sound of understanding.

“Is this,” you paused, your smiling dropping quickly “,Is this what all this was about? You heard me joking around with Klaus and you thought I was serious?” You questioned, feeling your heartbreak for the man you loved. “Five, my love, I love you with everything fiber of my being. I didn’t mean it like that. I would never leave you. I could never replace you, my love.” you leaned down, kissing his nose gently, giving Five a easy going smile as you pulled away.

Five swallowed hard as he looked up into your eyes, suddenly feeling foolish for how he was feeling. All the guilt he built up, watching you panic. It was because you needed him, you loved him. You couldn’t bear to lose him, just like he couldn’t bear to lose you. He let his tears fall “I’m so sorry, I thought you didn’t want me anymore, I thought-”

You shushed him softly “It’s okay,” you slid into the bed with him, holding him close as he calmed down “, It’s always been you. I could never love anyone else, it’s always going to be you.” You whispered sweetly to him, feeling his body relax into your embrace.

[bothcreativitybois]

The Mayor’s Sweet Treat Chapter 7

Ao3 link Wordcount: 1861 (a bit shorter than usual sorry) Ship: Intruality TWs: Food, anxiety attack, unhealthy family relationships (mentioned), swearing, sexual references Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 Taglist:  @crazydemigod666 @star-crossed-shipper @newtnotfound @idont-freaking-know @someoneiwasnt @crownofrats @the-sympathetic-villain @cute-and-angsty-princess @lonelymuffin @bloodyjay-0666 @im-an-anxious-wreck @fantasticallytired @obsessive-fallen-angel 

Janus subtly slipped away from the large party. Growing up with a parent who is a cop he got very good at sneaking around. As teenagers he, Remus and Virgil would sneak out most nights and get up to no good. Well teenagers may have been a bit of a stretch, it all only really stopped two years ago when Remus decided to run for mayor. Even now Janus was still doing the same things, just alone. Janus looked around the well taken care of lawn, it was very different to any other farms. It hadn’t changed a bit from how he remembered it. He’d been here a few times as a kid along with the others. “Virgil?” Janus called quietly as he poked his head around some bushes. No one was there. Janus was usually the one who helped Virgil when he panicked, the twins were too loud for him but hell they tried. Janus looked across at the door to the large house and saw the barrier blocking the door was disturbed. He ran over and ducked under it. “You’re lucky Remus isn’t the one finding you.”

Remus straightened his outfit and walked over to his twin. He laughed and put an arm around Roman. “Funny seeing you here, Specs.” Remus greeted. Logan’s face fell from the warm smile he was sharing with Roman to a blank professional stare. “Yes, well I am in charge of supervising the closure of Mr Sweet’s bakery. Which includes any and all events that he holds or attends on behalf of the bakery until then.” Logan explained. Roman shook off Remus. “Also it’s hardly fair they be held up in a small hotel room for a month.” Roman added with a laugh. “Did you know Logan uses they them pronouns? Just like me!” They looked at their twin with sparkling eyes. Remus looked between the two people. Roman was the kind of person to get along with anyone, but this was more than that. They’d never had another person like them around. This was more than just business.   “That’s great, Ro.” Remus said in a somewhat strained tone.

“Virgil!” Janus’ voice echoed through the halls of the house. His shoes squeaked against the tile floors. Everything in the house was so white and clean. Would it kill them to add some colour? A smirk threatened Janus’ face as he thought of the ways he could ‘help’ with that. Janus passed a room with an open door and caught sight of a flash of dark colour. He stepped back and looked in the room. “Virgil!” Janus shouted quietly at the sight of his friend. Virgil stood in front of a mantle. On instinct Janus walked into the room and shut the door. He looked around and began closing curtains. Once the room was dark enough he walked over to Virgil and looked at his face. Virgil’s mouth was covered with his hand as tears soaked his face. His eyes were drowning. Janus pushed his dark and damp hair out of his face. Virgil didn’t move from the touch. “Virgil, can you talk?” Janus asked as he put a hand on Virgil’s chest. His heart was pounding like a thoroughbred's hooves. He shook his head. Remus wandered away from Roman and Logan, they were chatting happily and it was clear he couldn’t solve the problem from there. Instead he went for something more direct. He looked around for Patton. An elderly lady popped into his vision. “Remus dear.” Mrs Blackforest said. “You seem lost.” “I am fine. Just looking for Patton.” Remus informed while looking around. Mrs Blackforest sighed. “You know, it’s hardly kind to ignore the host.” Mrs Blackforest scorned. Anger bubbled in Remus’ chest. Who the hell was she to tell him about rudeness after everything they put Virgil through? The stress, the passive aggressive comments, the hovering over everything he did. Remus balled his hand into a fist and tried to stay calm. Patton and Roman put too much work into this for it to be ruined by him. “Apologies, Mrs Blackforest.” Remus grumbled through gritted teeth. “That’s more like it.” Her face lit up with a happiness that Remus found unsettling. “Now, have you seen Virgil? I wanted to have a word with him.” She asked. Remus couldn’t answer that if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He tried to think of an excuse. “Remus!” There was a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Patton holding a tray with a sweet smile. “Could you take these around?”

Janus managed to get Virgil to sit down but hadn’t made much progress past that. He had one hand against Virgil’s chest and the other across his shoulders to support him. Janus shushed quietly as Virgil rocked back and forth. “Tell me what you ate today.” Janus soothed. Virgil moved his hands and opened his mouth slightly. “I had... toast... and coffee... for breakfast.” Virgil only just croaked out. Janus nodded. “Then what?” He asked. “An apple at the office as a snack.” Virgil spoke a little more clearly. “And for lunch?” Janus asked again. He noticed Virgil’s heart rate start to slow. “A sandwich.” Virgil said as his rocking subsided. “What was on it?” “Leftover bacon, some lettuce and fresh tomato from your place.” Virgil calmed as he listed the ingredients. Janus reached up and wiped Virgil’s face. “What are you having for dinner when you get home?” Janus gently moved his hand into Virgil’s. “Stew that’s been in the slow cooker all day.” Virgil answered as he squeezed Janus’ hand. Listing things always helped Virgil. That and organising. Always most calm when he was in control. Virgil closed his eyes and tried to steady his breath. From this point he could help himself, but Janus still didn’t want to let him go.

Remus took the tray from Patton and began walking through the crowd. To his surprise Patton walked with him. “Ya didn’t have to do that.” Remus said as he lifted the tray to his shoulder. Patton smiled. “Hey, you're always helping me. I might as well try to help you.” Patton responded with a light-hearted giggle. Remus looked down at him quickly. “Yeah but…” Remus tried to find an excuse. “I have everything handled. You shouldn’t have to worry ya pretty little head ‘bout me.” Remus looked up and saw Logan ahead of them, he quickly turned right and Patton followed. “But I want to help you.” Patton looked up at Remus with large eyes. Remus remembered all the time he had seen Patton make those eyes in his thoughts. “I want to help you.” Patton cooed as he rubbed his hands against Remus’ shoulders. His legs were crossed around Remus’ torso as they cuddled on a couch. Patton massaged Remus’ bare shoulders as the larger man sighed. Remus leant his head back onto Patton’s shoulders with a soft hum. “You’re an angel.” Remus whispered as he nuzzled into Patton’s neck. “What?” Patton asked, alarmed. Remus snapped out of their fantasy. He saw Patton’s alarmed and blushing face before realising that he had said that last part out loud. He stammered for a moment. “You’re too nice to me.” Remus eventually managed. “You’re always so kind and gentle, like an angel.” Patton looked down. A giddy feeling rose in his chest, he felt like a schoolgirl with a crush. Surely Remus didn’t mean it in that way. “And what does that make you?” Patton teased. “The handsome sexy demon that tricks you into leaving heaven.” Remus beamed and put a hand on his hip. Patton laughed. Remus felt a sense of pride from being able to make Patton laugh, even though he’d done it before. He couldn’t take his eyes off Patton’s smile.                      As guests started clearing and the light started fading the group joined up again. Remus and Virgil placed down two empty trays as Janus began folding one of the tables. “Was there anything left?” Virgil asked in surprise. Patton turned to him with a proud smile. “Not much. Maybe a few cream puffs.” Patton said happily. “I can get rid of those for you.” Remus responded quickly. The group laughed. Patton turned and picked up a tray of small blobs of cream and pastry with strawberries poking out of the cream. Virgil and Remus both quickly took one. The pastry was nearly as light and fluffy as the cream with the strawberries adding a little bite to it. Patton turned again to keep packing but was met with a familiar face that wasn’t there before. He jumped back slightly. “Ah Logan!” He shouted in shock. Remus quickly stepped forward and defensively put a hand on Patton’s shoulder. Roman stood next to Logan and rolled his eyes at Remus. “Sorry for startling you.” Logan apologised. “I didn’t know you were here.” Patton stated. Roman had made sure he talked to everyone at the picnic. Except Logan. “Ah yes, that would be Remus’ doing I believe.” Logan said calmly. “Anyway, I just came to congratulate you. Everyone seemed to enjoy your food.” “Well… thank you, Logan.” Patton said. He was caught off guard with how kind Logan was being. “Did you happen to try any?” Patton was deathly curious and he wasn’t sure why. Logan adjusted his glasses. “No. I am not a fan of sweets.” Logan answered plainly. Janus and Virgil watched as they packed up, wondering if they should step in. “Anyway.” Roman interrupted to avoid any awkwardness. “Here is your pay for catering.” Roman handed a cheque to Patton, their nails shining in the little light that was left. Patton squinted at the cheque. Remus gasped. “Damn... Patty Cake…” Remus marvelled before turning to Roman. “Is that number right?” “Yeah, that’s the usual amount my company gives caterers plus some extra from Mrs Blackforest for the, and I quote, ‘irresistible little goods.’” Patton kept squinting at the paper. “Uh… I don’t have my glasses…” Patton said as he looked up at Remus who leant down and whispered the number to him. Patton quickly panicked. “I can’t accept that much!” He tried to hand the cheque back to Roman. Roman and Logan both backed away. “You deserve it, sweetie.” Roman reassured. Remus turned Patton to him so he’d stop trying to assault his twin with a slip of paper. “And it means we’re well on the way to paying off what you owe.” Remus added. “This is a good thing!” Patton quickly became excited from seeing how happy Remus was. A wide smile broke across his face. “You’re right.” Patton submitted. Remus cheered and hugged Patton who laughed. If this is how Remus reacted now he couldn’t imagine what would happen if they actually managed to get all the money. “Anyway, I’m gonna show Logan around so I’m heading out.” Roman shouted over Remus’ excitement. They waved to Janus and Virgil before turning to walk away. “Are Patton and your brother dating?” Logan whispered. Roman laughed and looked back where the two men celebrated together. They’d not seen Remus this happy… ever really. “Not yet.” They smiled. Though they knew it wouldn’t be long.

[nepenthendline]

Mental Health Headcannons - Tsukishima, Kageyama, Ushijima, Tendou & Bokuto

All these are from my knowledge and based off of each character’s actions haikyuu, this is all my opinion so feel free to discuss other thoughts! I’m happy to talk about each more in depth if anyone would like it :) this is just me projecting my own problems on fictional characters

You can also message me if you wanna talk about these too!!

This is going to be long

TW: Mental health, learning difficulties, eating disorders, self-harm

Tsukishima - Depression, Anxiety & OCD

Tbh someone else (I’ve been trying to find their username to tag them but I can’t find it, they’re called something like theguessmonta but idk) has amazing posts about Tsukishima and his mental health which I totally agree with all of it so some of this is going to be pretty similar

I think his mental health problems started when he was quite young, around the time when the Akiteru drama happened so he’s been dealing with these for a while

Having depression can often make a person seem very disinterested/sarcastic/negative as a way of pushing back emotions and self-protection which explains a lot of the way Tsukishima acts towards some people (I have a whole post on how he isn’t just some asshole)

His anxiety stems from a place of terrible self-esteem and self-image, it’s clear to see he has a bad sense of self-worth when he talks about how people are obviously a lot better than him, he’s just there to ‘stop trouble happening’

Tsukki suffers from panic attacks quite regularly (especially when he was a bit younger) but he tends to shut himself off then they happen, he doesn’t want anyone else to see him like that

His anxiety and overthinking is often why he keeps his headphones on him at all times, listening to music helps drown out the sounds around him and those in his head

His OCD got worse over time - first it was things like turning the light switch on and off repeatedly until it felt right, or tapping on his desk before he went to bed, but as his anxiety and self-esteem got worse it developed into him needing himself to be perfect

This included only eating a certain amount of calories a day (no where near the amount he should be eating) or getting a very specific grade on an exam, where even one number over or under set him into a panic

Things got to their worst for Tsukki around the age of 13 - this is where he was much too underweight and self-harming on his hips (so no one else could see)

Probably also thought about suicide a couple times around this point

He has tried a couple different types of anti-depressants in the past, however none have seemed to help

He likes a lot of time alone - he gets too overwhelmed dealing with other people

The only person besides his family and Yamaguchi that knows about his OCD is Kageyama - they both noticed each others odd, repetitive habits until Kageyama asked him about it one day, while they don’t get along too well, they feel some comfort in each other understanding their actions

Kageyama - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

wow what a smooth segue 

this boy is like a walking definition of ASD - coming from a person with ASD

Kageyama was diagnosed with Type 1/High-functioning Autism when he was very young (probably around 3-5 years old)

He struggles with social interaction, knowing what to say to people and most importantly, how to say it, e.g. when he smiles people often think he looks angry

Kageyama has never had many, if any, friends before Karasuno, as he has often struggled with conversation and speaking in an inappropriate tone that may make some people uncomfortable or even scared

He isn’t very good when it comes to remembering academic studies but if it relates to his fixations (volleyball) he is extremely intelligent - this is seen clearly when Daichi shows their team hand gestures and Kageyama says he remembered them in a day

Kageyama uses masking a lot - it’s a technique people with ASD tend to do which involves copying other peoples actions in order to understand social situations, he does this many times in the anime/manga such as his awkward BBQ song dance, or high-fives

He visited a social worker once a week while he was little until he started middle school, resulting in his behaviours getting worse

Towards the end of his first year at Karasuno he went back to therapies regularly and has anger-management training in order to help him express himself in a manageable way - he probably won’t admit it but it helps a lot (key note is that having anger-management training often does not have anything to do with anger, simply just managing emotions in general but it often a great type of therapy for those with ASD although he is a bit of an angry boi sometimes)

ASD comes with repetitive, almost OCD-like tendencies - two examples include filing his nails every single day and having a very specific routine before going to bed that consists of drinking milk, putting on pjs, laying in bed and throwing + catching a ball, brushing his teeth and going to bed on his left side - if he doesn’t do these things at the right times/in the right order, he gets extremely anxious and agitated

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Ushijima - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

autism buds with kageyama

I kid thats probably a bad idea

Ushijima was also diagnosed with Type 1/High-Functioning Autism when he was 5

Unfortunately due to the stigma around Autism, his family (besides his father) were not very accepting of this and he was put into therapy at a young age

While this was actually helpful for him, his family insisted his therapies should ‘cure’ him and were dismissive of the many times a doctor told them that ASD is not a curable disorder

Outside of therapy he does not receive much support from his family, except his father who got him a pair of noise-cancelling headphones he used to wear until he 8 whenever they went out together - he was only allowed to wear them if it was just him and his father, the rest of his family thought it made it too obvious there was ‘something wrong with the child’

Extending on this, Ushijima was very sensitive to sensory input as a child, and while he still is, it has become easier to manager as he has gotten older

His ASD is most prevalent in his lack of understand ways of communication, such as sarcasm or jokes, and tends to take things very literally 

@simp4satori and I came to the conclusion that if you were to call him daddy during sex, or ask him to ‘punish you’ the poor boy would have NO CLUE - would probably call your dad and tell him you needed to speak to him, or say you can’t watch anime for a week lol 

He is extremely direct when he talks, to the point where it comes across rude or hurtful but he doesn’t realise this until someone mentions it

Tendou probably helps him rephrase things from time-to-time in order for him to get his point across

He gets very anxious when faced with things he doesn’t know about or understand (this is mentioned by Tendou in the manga), this can include people, going to new places or trying new foods

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Tendou - Depression and Anxiety (also a highly sensitive person - that’s not a mental health disorder or illness but it does affect him)

Tendou’s mental health suffered from a young age due to bullying in school

This caused a lot of low self-esteem and low mood, and he was later on diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Only his family, Ushijima and his coach know about this, and even then, only his family know any details

No one would really expect Tendou to deal with such mental health issues as he always keeps a bubbly, happy persona around others - he doesn’t want people to think he is weak or cowardly

It is also hard for others to see and he is someone with high-highs and low-lows, so when he is happy or excited his emotions are quite extreme

Tendou’s anxiety relates a lot to his image, mainly his appearance and the way he acts, but he is also a general over thinker

He doesn’t have panic attacks as often as Tsukishima does, however they do happen occasionally when things just get too much

He often thinks that people are staring at him, or talking about him whenever he goes out, and he tends to hid this by seeming overly cocky or sardonic

When his depression hits, he tends to just feel sad or hopeless instead of numb, which tends to trigger his anxiety too

Tendou used to self-harm often around his hips/thighs however he hasn’t done so since the end of his first year of high-school 

Probably makes a lot of dark ‘jokes’, especially around suicide and people semi are like ‘...dude...you ok?’ and he’s just like ‘hahaha yeah im fine what’

He doesn’t like alone time too much as he tends to get trapped in his own thoughts

As expected of the guess monster, he is extremely good at reading and understanding people, which is how he finds it easier to help and communicate with Ushijima

Bokuto - ADHD

A lot of people at Fukurodani think Bokuto is just stupid, however he actually has ADHD

He was diagnosed a lot later than the rest at 12 years old

Bokuto tends to struggle with his studies as his attention-span is very low and can get distracted easily - either by things in the classroom or his own thoughts

He’s very forgetful, often forgetting his lunch at home or forgetting to do/bring in his homework, and this goes into volleyball too where he forgets how to do certain moves

Taking exams are the worst for Bokuto, he hates having to be still and quiet for such a long time and is very sensitive to little sounds or movements that distract his attention - you’ll often find his bouncing his leg or fiddling with his pen

He tends to butt into conversations or interrupt people when they are talking, he just gets a bit too enthusiastic to share his thoughts

He has extreme mood-swings too which we see often in the anime, especially when he is stressed or someone mentions his behaviours

Is very reckless - Akaashi has probably had to stop him from leaning too far out the window and almost falling to look something

The whole Fukurodani volleyball team are aware of his ADHD and do their best to help him and make him feel comfortable or accepted

They are the only people allowed to call him stupid - they will fight anyone else

I think there are more characters with mental health illnesses or disorders, such and Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kenma and Asahi having anxiety so I might write more at some point!

[megalony]

Serendipity- Part 2

Here is the second part in my new murderer! Ben Hardy series which I hope you will all enjoy, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon​ @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh​

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) is trying to keep moving on with her life after her affair with Joe’s brother, Ben who is in and out of prison. But Ben won’t let her go so easily even after the torment he imposes on her. He wants to be in their sons life but things aren’t easy when everyone believes Harvey is Joe’s son, not Ben’s.

Enjoy.

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"Will Benny be here?"

"I don't know baby, he's pretty busy right now." (Y/n) tried hard to keep the irritation from her voice because she knew it wasn't Harvey's fault. He didn't know or understand that Ben was a difficult person to be around and that most of his family didn't want to be in his presence. Harvey seemed to be the sole person who wanted to be around Ben right now and that made things ten times worse because he was the one person who (Y/n) wanted to shield away from Ben.

When the three of them entered Joe's parent's house, (Y/n) let go of Harvey's hand, knowing that he was going to find Lucy and run straight to her.

(Y/n) found herself watching after him for a few moments as a feeling of dread crept into her stomach and chest. Ben was right last week, people were going to tell in a few years to come that Harvey wasn't Joe's boy. If his looks weren't enough to make people think of Ben then his interests were, he was sporty like Ben and he was infatuated with any stories that Ben told him about fighting and boxing. Ben was becoming a role model to him and (Y/n) couldn't do anything but watch as karma came to bite her in the ass.

"It's bad enough that he idolises Ben, but you let him take Harvey out last week. What if something happened? What do we do when he eventually finds out what Ben's like?"

Joe slipped his jacket from his shoulders but his eyes stayed solely focused on (Y/n), waiting for her response and her reaction to his words. He wasn't intending to rile her up but he couldn't help how it was already annoying him. His little brother was dangerous and if it wasn't enough that Harvey was so fond of Ben it was worse that he had been out with Ben when he had only just come out of prison. Joe didn't trust his brother as far as he could throw him even if he was trying to make amends and stop the bridges from burning between them.

"For God's sake Joe it wasn't like Ben stole him, I went with them and nothing would have happened anyway because Ben adores him. And as far as I'm concerned he doesn't find out unless you want to be the one to break it to him."

(Y/n) found herself debating whether to say that Ben loved Harvey but she quickly decided against it. Even if it seemed true, Ben's kind of love was twisted and corrupted and she couldn't bare to think that Ben felt that kind of love for Harvey. It was better to think he adored him rather than loved him.

It was clear that Ben wouldn't hurt Harvey, he won't put him in danger or scare him or get violent towards him in any way and that was clear to everyone. But because Ben was dangerous no one wanted him around Harvey and (Y/n) especially didn't because Ben was a lethal weapon and he could ruin Harvey's life. He could tell him he was his dad and when Harvey eventually found out what Ben was like it would confuse, scare and torment him until all he could think of was that he was going to turn out like Ben. (Y/n) wanted her son safe and protected and thinking Joe was his dad and keeping him as far away from Ben as possible was the best way she could think to do that.

"We both know what Ben's like, sorry for wanting Harvey away from that."

(Y/n)'s eyes followed Joe but her body went in a different direction until she was walking into the kitchen to get herself a drink. They were here for a family dinner since it was Sunday and they hadn't all been together for a while but (Y/n) had a distinct feeling that Ben was going to turn up. He was always invited no matter what crime he had committed or how badly he was bruised and beaten up. Coming out of prison meant nothing to his parents because they were simply too afraid to lose their youngest son.

Cutting Ben out of the family wasn't an option, everyone loved him too much to do that. Even when (Y/n) tried to cut her ties with him he just kept crawling back out of the shadows until it was impossible not to think about him, let alone go without seeing him for a day or a week.

"Hey... Harvey said you've seen Ben, how is he?"

The drink in (Y/n)'s hand was set down after she'd downed half of it when Lucy's voice flooded her ears. When she turned her head to look over at Lucy (Y/n) felt her stomach constricting at the worried look on her face. Joe and Ben had never been the closest of siblings but Lucy and Ben had always been close in a way that reminded (Y/n) of twins. It didn't matter what Ben did or how cruel and twisted he became, Lucy still cared about him and it gave Ben an advantage and something to play on whenever he felt like it.

Lucy leaned her side against the kitchen counter as her lips curved into a soft but concerned smile. Her short platinum hair was crimped into small waves and curls which framed sweetly around her face and the black eyeliner and eyeshadow she had on framed her blue eyes.

Even though she had no idea just how close Ben was to (Y/n), Lucy did know that her brother was rather close to (Y/n), almost like he had an infatuation with her.

"He's... how he normally is. You'd think he was back from a holiday rather than prison, put it that way." There were no words in (Y/n)'s vocabulary right now to explain just how Ben had acted and how he seemed when he visited her last week. Cheeky didn't cover it at all and even though he put (Y/n) on edge, he wasn't on edge himself, he was right where he wanted to be in terms of his comfort zone.

"I suppose that's better, considering how he was when he was released a few years ago." Lucy's words were spoken as she had a faraway look in her eyes causing her to miss the way (Y/n) shivered, knowing exactly what time Lucy was referring to.

It did seem better that Ben was happy and his usual self when he was released rather than bearing a grudge for something because he could be ruthless when he wanted and no one got spared when he was like that. The time Lucy was referring to was when Ben had done six months in prison and came out like Lucifer being released from Hell because he'd been away when Harvey was born. He had wanted to be there when his son was born and it had put him on the warpath that everyone was congratulating Joe and singing his praises when it wasn't even his child.

"Oh, thank you, by the way."

"What for?" A feeling of dread started to slowly build up in the pit of (Y/n)'s stomach because even though Lucy's words and her smile were genuine, she had the same look about her that Ben did. Ben smiled and played innocent when he was about to unleash Hell onto (Y/n) and that shared look made her fear that one day Lucy was going to turn around and shatter her world with a few simple words just like her brother.

"For letting Ben see Harvey. Joe and dad are adamant that he shouldn't but Ben loves spending time with him, it means a lot to him that you let him see Harvey and you never turn him away."

(Y/n) knew she was overthinking what Lucy was saying, but she couldn't help but feel like Lucy knew more than she was letting on. It felt like she was hinting at the truth which no one else should know and it made (Y/n)'s skin crawl and her heart beat faster in her chest. She knew that if Lucy did know the sordid truth, she would never be able to stay quiet about it because her conscience would never allow her to. She was being nice and understanding right now but (Y/n) couldn't help but read more into what she was saying because she was always on edge.

Ben made her anxious and nervous and she knew the catastrophe that would occur if people found out she'd had an affair with Ben and that he was Harvey's dad.

"Harvey adores him, I can't really say no."

(Y/n) couldn't turn Ben away either, he never let her.

Sweat started to prickle on (Y/n)'s skin when Lucy rested her hand on her arm for a second before she left the kitchen, presumably to go and talk to Joe or their parents. It would have been so much easier if Ben wasn't Joe's brother, if he was a stranger to them all so that (Y/n) never had to feel like whenever she saw their family she worried she would be caught out. She felt like a criminal, as if she had committed a crime with Ben and he was going to expose her because he didn't care if they knew or not.

Ben would rather the whole world know that Harvey was his boy and that he had (Y/n) under his spell, wrapped around his little finger. But he didn't say anything because of (Y/n) and what it would do to Harvey if he found out.

It felt like a lifetime had passed where (Y/n) stood drowning in her thoughts and the glass of juice that was almost empty. She knew soon enough that she would have to go and talk to Joe's parents and make her presence known, she also had to find out what Harvey was up to. But (Y/n) didn't get a chance to dwell on the thought of mingling with relatives before an arm suddenly curled around her waist.

For a split second, (Y/n) thought Joe was trying to cling to her like he did whenever they argued to get back into her good books. But when she felt the arm tighten and press into her hips, her eyes darted down to look at the hand. When she saw the roman numerals on each knuckle she knew it wasn't Joe standing behind her and as soon as a tall frame pressed up to her back it was as clear as day who was behind her.

"You look surprised, did you think I wouldn't turn up to see my family?"

When Ben's words were whispered in her ear (Y/n) shivered as her eyes darted around the kitchen to double check that no one was hovering in the doorway bearing witness to their infidelity. It wasn't like (Y/n) wanted to do this, Ben knew how anxious he made her and he knew that trying to be affectionate to her where they could get caught was only going to make her have a panic attack.

All the words got caught in (Y/n)'s throat and then swallowed down when she felt Ben pressing butterfly kisses to her neck until she tensed her shoulders and didn't tilt her head to give him more access. But her denial didn't bother him one bit for he simply leaned his temple against her cheek causing his hair to tickle her skin before he nudged her head until he has as much access to her neck as he wanted. He was like a vampire getting ready to strike.

"Someone will see." (Y/n) hissed the words like a snake but her tone made no difference because Ben only smiled against her skin.

"I'm counting on it, maybe then I don't have to sneak around you. Where's Harvey, I wanna see him." Ben sounded so authoritiative and demanding because he expected to get what he wanted and he knew (Y/n) would always give in to him.

A shiver ran down (Y/n)'s spine at Ben's words that made her stomach twist itself into knots. He didn't sound like he was asking (Y/n) if he could see Harvey, he was giving her a demand that he wanted to and therefore he was going to get what he wanted. Ben knew well enough to know that (Y/n) barely ever managed to go against him, she could always say no to him but her actions never followed through with her words. Ben got his own way and everyone else allowed it because going against him was too hard.

She didn't want him to see Harvey. She didn't want her son getting even more attached to someone who was known to break people. But (Y/n) couldn't stop Ben from seeing Harvey or he would have no problem making things a Hell of a lot worse for (Y/n).

"H-he's here somewhere-" (Y/n) barely got three words out before a gasp left her breathless lungs and she froze in place when she felt Ben's teeth grazing against her neck just below her jaw. "Ben no!" She kept her words quiet in case someone heard when passing the kitchen and she was already surprised no one had walked in yet. She couldn't have Ben trying to leave marks on her skin because everyone would see and Joe would know he didn't leave those marks there.

"Worried your little hubby will know these are my marks, not his?"

"Please." (Y/n) dug her nails into the counter when Ben bit her neck before leaning back up, a sign that he wasn't going to tease her anymore, at least not by leaving any marks on her.

"Oh baby, don't worry I won't leave any marks until I've got you alone." He could feel how his words made (Y/n) shiver and they both knew it wasn't in a bad way. "Now, where's my boy?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anxiety pummelled through (Y/n) to the point her body was shaking and she was coming over in a cold sweat. The phone call she received two days ago made her blood run cold and scared the flesh from her bones to the point she really didn't want to come here, but she didn't have a choice.

(Y/n) had no idea what Ben had called her about but it sounded serious and the dark tone of his voice told her that when he called her his face was one she was thankful not to see. He had been in prison for just over a month now and (Y/n) hadn't heard a thing from him until two days ago, not that she was really expecting to hear anything from him. He had been in prison before and never called her, but they'd never had an affair the last time he was behind bars.

He rang her at eight at night and shouted down the phone until she was in tears, demanding she come and see him within three days or he'd be calling Joe and telling him about their affair. (Y/n) had no idea what had rattled Ben so much but she knew his threat was real which was why she was waiting now to be taken to see him.

The moment Ben came into sight (Y/n) felt herself shaking worse and she was surprised the guard on her left hadn't pulled her to one side and asked if she was okay.

When Ben noticed her (Y/n) could see the anger in his eyes directed at her in a way she had never seen before. He had been cheeky, snide, dark and sometimes worrying around her but he was never frightening like he seemed right now. (Y/n) felt her heartbeat drumming in her ears as she slowly sat down opposite Ben who looked like he didn't know whether to sit or stand. He had his arms leaning on the reflective table, his hands gripped so tightly together that his knuckles were white despite the tattoos.

"Is it true?"

Ben's eyes were darker than (Y/n) had ever seen them before and she was sure his jaw was going to snap with how tight it was held in place. He leaned over the table until he was sneering at her like a rabid dog that was about to snap and bite her.

"What... Ben I- I don't know what you mean, I don't know why you called me or threatened me like that. What do you think I've done?"

(Y/n) didn't know what she was expecting today but she didn't think he would dive right into accusing her of something. She felt compelled to ask if he was okay, how he was coping, what he actually did this time to land himself back into the place that was becoming his second home. But he had no bruises or broken bones or marks so she guessed he wasn't fighting and was therefore doing okay. And he never told anyone why he got arrested, usually no one wanted to know.

"I talked to Lucy the other day, and she told me your pregnant. Tell me it's not true." His words were quiet but there was no missing the cold tone to his voice or the venom that was on his tongue as he spoke.

There was a burning intensity in Ben's eyes as he watched the emotions flood through (Y/n)'s eyes. She tried hard to stop her eyes from glossing over as her arms wrapped around her chest like she was trying to cut off her breathing and her circulation. She didn't think her and Joe were going to be telling anyone right now but he had clearly confided in Lucy that they were having a baby and she thought it was common knowledge. And with how close she was to Ben it was only natural she was going to talk to him about it because she knew he was friends with (Y/n).

"You want me to lie to you?" (Y/n) curled in on herself when Ben's upper lip curled and he snarled as his eyes narrowed darkly.

"We're you going to tell me?"

"We would have told you when we told everyone else, I didn't know Joe told Lucy-"

"That's not what I asked. I said, when were you going to tell me?" Ben curled his left hand into a fist barring his index finger which he tapped against the table like he was making a point or demanding something from her, which essentially he was.

But (Y/n) couldn't give him an answer because she didn't have one. Ben would have been told by Joe or Lucy or their parents soon enough just like he already had been but (Y/n) wouldn't have told him herself. She couldn't have pushed herself to tell him and she didn't even think she would ever get a phone call off him, let alone come to prison and actually visit him. Never before had she stepped inside a prison and she didn't know if she ever would again. But (Y/n) wondered deep down that if Ben ever got put back in prison and he called, maybe she would come running. She came today because he put the fear of God into her over the phone, but if he was kind and determined like he normally was with her she might have visited him then too.

"You're shitting me, right? You've slept with me for the last year and you don't think to mention you're now pregnant? You think I don't deserve to know you're having my kid?"

"Did Lucy say it was yours?" (Y/n) didn't know where the sudden bolt of courage came from that allowed her to use her voice properly and sit up straight in her chair but the courage disappeared the moment Ben's expression changed. He knew his sister clearly assumed it was (Y/n) and Joe expecting a baby but Ben just knew this was his child. He was the one (Y/n) had been sneaking around and sleeping with for near on a year now so it went without saying that there was a ninety percent chance this was his baby.

"I don't believe that after all the times I fucked you, you went straight home to my inferior brother and slept with him too, or else why would you keep coming back to me? Now you tell me the fucking truth and stop lying to both of us. How many months gone are you and do you honestly believe that's his kid and not mine?"

"I came here because at eight at night you blackmailed me and scared the shit out of me. Who threatens someone down the phone and then shouts at them when they go out of their way to see you? You're in prison Ben, do you get that? You're supposed to be here for the next two years and you think you should have a baby?"

"If you don't answer my questions I will walk away from you right now and the next phone call I make will tell my brother each and every time, place and date where I fucked you behind his back. I have no problem with him finding out that he's so useless, tiring and inferior that you turned to me and still can't help yourself. You want him to know everything we've done behind his tiny little back?"

(Y/n) couldn't hold back the tears that fell from her eyes at his cruel, sadistic words.

There was no fear, remorse or pain in his voice. He was deathly serious that if (Y/n) didn't tell him what he wanted to hear then he would use his threats against her to break his big brother's world into shattered pieces and crush (Y/n) in the process without a second thought.

Ben didn't even care how badly he was upsetting and hurting (Y/n) right now. He had never been like this with her and it was frightening, even with the guards dotted around the large room to protect everyone, (Y/n) still didn't feel safe. Ben had never hurt her before but she knew how cruel he could be and right now she wouldn't put it past him that he might turn to violence with how cruel he was being and how tormented he seemed.

"I'm four months along, and it doesn't matter that I... I know it's your baby. You're in prison, you kill people and frankly sometimes you can be a monster, no child should have someone like you as their dad. As far as everyone knows, this is Joe's baby and you will keep it that way because you are stuck in here. No one will believe you if you tell them and if you do then I can promise your sadistic ass you will not see me or this baby for as long as you live."

(Y/n) knew this was Ben's baby and that thought scared her to the bone because she didn't want her child to grow up with the same sadistic tendencies and gruesome thoughts and actions that Ben did. If her child turned out like the man sitting in front of her (Y/n) would go beside herself and her mind would shatter.

But if her baby grew up with someone like Joe as their dad then those tendencies might never come about and they could have a childhood where they were never afraid of their dad or bullied for who their dad was.

She almost lost herself in thought until Ben slammed his fist down on the table so suddenly and forcefully that (Y/n) jumped back in her seat and recoiled into herself. Her eyes were blown wide with fear as she watched Ben hold his hands up in defence so the guard didn't come over and restrain him for showing an inch of the anger he felt inside of him.

"You have the nerve to call me sadistic? You sleep with me, you sneak around behind my brother's back and then go home to him and pretend that he's enough for you. And now you're telling me you plan to pretend my child his his?"

"You had an affair with your brother's girlfriend and you murder people like you're killing a spider. You fucked me, that doesn't make you a dad which is something you should never be."

(Y/n) watched the way Ben's eyes darted from her eyes down to her stomach that was visibly round beneath her shirt that did nothing to hide it. The more he looked at her stomach, the faster his finger started to tap against the table until he was hitting out a brutal beat that got harder and harder until it felt like he was hammering a nail right through her stomach. She had riled him up, something (Y/n) never wanted to do and she knew if she said one more damning thing to him he would explode.

"Lying to Joe doesn't make him a dad either. Trick yourself all you want but I'm not hiding the fact that you're having my baby, not his. That's my child."

"Too bad no one will ever know that. Goodbye Ben."

(Y/n) pushed herself up from her seat and placed her bag on her shoulder, watching with burning intensity in her eyes as Ben stood up but looked like he wanted to grab her or even shout at her for this. He wasn't finished talking but she wasn't going to continue this pointless conversation any longer. Ben was going to be here for months and (Y/n) wasn't waiting around for him or ruining the life she had just because Ben was too obsessive to let her go. She was going to do something cruel to Joe by lying to him but it was for her baby, not for herself. She couldn't let her baby have Ben as their father and she knew Ben wasn't going to tell because he risked never seeing his child and losing (Y/n).

"You fucking bitch!"

The way Ben almost screamed his tormenting words made (Y/n) stumble back into her chair. She had never seen such rage in someone's eyes before that was directed fully and completely towards her. He looked like she had just told him she had cheated on him with his brother and was having his brother's baby rather than it being the mirrored way around.

There was no time for (Y/n) to back away or scream or even to try and ask Ben to calm down before he grasped the edge of the table and flung it on its side out of rage. (Y/n) half expected him to turn into the hulk at any moment and crush her in the palm of his hand. The tears that fell from her eyes and the shaking in her system didn't impact on him one bit when usually he would have broken down for seeing how he was petrifying her. Ben liked to tease and make her anxious and he didn't normally back down but he had never made her feel afraid for any reason and she had never been scared of him before now.

Guards were alerted from Ben's harsh outburst but they didn't get to him before he took two steps and got to (Y/n). His hands clamped down on her upper arms and pulled her until she stumbled over her uncoordinated feet and into his chest.

"You're fucking lucky your pregnant right now. That's my baby and you can't change that, lying to yourself doesn't make it his child it makes it a murderer's baby and you'll never live that down."

(Y/n) couldn't tell if Ben was shaking her or if she was trembling but either way she felt like she was going to be sick and when Ben's hand held her chin bruisingly she sobbed until someone ripped him off her and another guard pulled her a safe distance away.

She watched in terror and pain as three guards had to pull Ben away and pin him down to the ground when he kicked out at a chair, forcefully and precisely smashed his foot into a guard's chest and then clamped his arm around the poor guard's neck to choke him. Ben flung his head back into a guard's head until he heard the man's nose snap but he didn't manage to do more than push himself onto all fours before he was forced back onto his chest with his arms held behind his back.

(Y/n) didn't know how long Ben would actually spend in prison but she knew it was never going to be long enough for her to cope with what he had just said and done.

She didn't want him in her child's life.

[fandom-collective-writers]

Reader x Le Comte de Saint Germain {IkeVam} - Letters to You

Title: Letters to You

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Character: Le Comte de Saint Germain

Genre: hOHOHOHOHOho smut

Warnings: sexy sex

Kinks: 18th century sexting: the telegraph, masturbating, biting (vampire biting), slight (very slight) choking, sensual ??? idk , internal cumshot, prob some other things idk

Intended Gender Audience: Female Audience 

Word Count: 2290 words

POV: second person

Request: “I see youve started without me”  by non

Written by: @mythiica​

Other comments: HAH that was entertaining to write, sorry im late! 

Before he left, Comte told you that he would only be traveling for a few days at most. He flashed you one of his irresistible smiles and his canines even sparkled in the lights. Like a gentleman, Comte embraced you tightly before stepping into the carriage and waving goodbye. 

          That was a week ago, and you are starting to get anxious now. 

         The moment you make it down the stairs, you call out for Sebastian and ask if any news about Comte has come. You know that he is getting tired of your antics – constantly inquiring about any mail or telegraphs from him – but instead of scowling at you, Sebastian extends a gloved hand and presents you with a slip of yellow paper. 

         Finally, news from Comte! 

         “Thank you, Sebastian!” you call over your shoulder as you run back upstairs. As you clutch the paper to your chest, you can even smell his scent embedded in the parchment. It is hard to mistake the beautiful combination of sharp earl grey tea mixed with the sublte sweetness of pastries and pen ink. It comforts you to have it in your hands, and you know that whatever message he has sent you is very important. 

         Back inside your room, you throw yourself across the bed, undoing Sebastian’s hard work to make it, an you tear open the envelop to pull out the letter. Your name is written in fine penmenshap across the length of the paper, making your heart ache for Comte. Upon beginning to read, it is almost as if you can hear your lover’s voice in your ear. 

We have just passed through Romania from the east, and are headed back to the mansion. I warn you that my excursion might take longer than anticipated, mainly because of a storm that hit us in Moldova. Do not worry though, I will be back before you know it. 

         You had heard about the strange and powerful thunderstorm that blew through eastern Europe, but you are happy to know that Comte is well and safe. Brushing your finger over the cursive, you realize that the telegraph is dated three days ago. Perhaps it got lost and was not delivered in time? You hang on to the notion that, perhaps, Comte has sent you another message and that it will arrive later today. 

         As you go to set down the paper, another sheet comes loose from the back. The handwriting is less neat than his normal script, but you can still make it out. 

         I have to admit that I absolutely long for you. Although it has only been a few days since we last saw each other, my heart grows weary with every passing moment. Sometimes, there is a rush of warm air that sweeps through my chambers, and I imagine it to be your aura watching over me. But the other, less innocent notion, also crosses my mind, and I have indulged myself this evening. 

         This is for your eyes only, ma cherie, and I know it will bring you joy to read this from me: not only do I miss your beautiful smile and the sound of your laughter in the morning, but I desire the desperation that sparkls when our limbs entwine in front of the fireplace. How long has it been since I had the chance to see you unravel?

         Your breath catches in your throat, and you have to stop reading for a moment to shift your legs and squeeze them together. This second letter, obviously more personal and… dirty… was Comte sexting you? Late eighteenth century style sexting, albeit, but the heat of arousal is already tempting you to satisfy yourself like Comte has. 

         It does not feel the same if it is not you giving me this carnal pleasure… your hands are much softer than my own and, by some kind of magic, you seem to know exactly what I need in the moment. It is beyond shameful to admit that I am consumed by this passion, and that it has lead me to do unspeakable things to the pillow… ah, and now the rush of embarassment. I wish that I could have brought you with me on this trip, for not only would you have the chance to witness the countryside in its winter glory, but I would also ensure to keep you warm during the night. 

         Without realizing, you have slipped your hand down past the elastic of your skirt to press against your underwear. There is already an obvious wet spot, and to think that Comte can do this to you from just a written message… you begin to share his fantasy and give in to desire. There is no harm in doing so, after all, he still has to return home. It feels heavenly to grind against anything, even if it is not your Comte. 

         I sometimes what is hotter: the crackling fire or inside of you. Surely, when I dip my fingers into your heat, it boils my blood and goes up my arm until I feel your burning warmth everywhere. It is not enough just to imagine it because there is nothing on this earth that compares to you as your walls clench around me. The lit in your voice teases me, but it soon melts into moans when I coax your release faster and faster. What a beautiful sound and what a heavenly sight: you, beneath me, unraveled and marked with the white stains of my love. 

         His words flow like poetry and seemingly guide your hand to follow the motions he describes. Your wetness welcomes your fingers with ease, and you contort your body in every direction, searching for the position that allows you to touch yourself more. Spreading your legs seems to be the best option as you delve your digits deeper into your core. 

         You very well know that I was against biting you at first, but upon doing it for the first time, it was like we were merging together in more ways than just physically. The blood – your blood – ignited me, and I knew that we were meant to be together. Not only our bodies, but our hearts and souls together. Can you feel my emotions as I write this? I sincerely hope you can, because I miss you so very much. We will see each other soon, ma cherie. 

         Now, you give in to the pleasure of the flesh, and every other sound is drowned out by your gasps for air and your drawn out moans. The room already smells like sex, but you wish it would smell like his cologne. Turning your head to his pillow, you bury your nose against it as your fingers rub your most sensitive spot. Bliss envelops you just like it does when he is the one giving it to you. It is wonderful – your release – and it sends you higher than you have gone on your own before. 

         As you remove your fingers from inside of you, you feel the slick dribbling down your inner thighs until they drip onto the bedsheets. Giggling at the mess you’ve made, you turn back to reach for the letter to read it again, but it is not there. 

         You turn over, looking for it, and think that maybe in the excitment of everything, it fell off the bed. From the corner of your eye, you see a whisp of a shadow and a flash of yellow. 

         “I see you’ve started without me, ma cherie–”

         At first, you cannot believe that he’s standing in front of you. When you go to sit up and get out of bed, Comte holds out a hand, signalling to stop. The next moment, he is by your side. Comte brushes your hair back with one hand and starts removing his jacket with the other one. “I thought you would read that before I arrived home, but this is even better than I anticipated.” 

         You are compelled to look directly into his beautiful eyes – it is not that you would want to look at anything else, but you do not realize that his shirt is off until he presses his chest flush against yours. The next second, Comte is whispering how much he missed you as his belt clinks off. Snapping back into reality, you fumble with his trousers until they too land on the floor in an abandoned pile. 

         “Ah, yes, this is what I have been missing...” Comte’s voice is hot and heavy, and now that his own clothes are gone, he works at your bodice to remove it completely. You had gotten off while still wearing everything, and when his gaze falls to the wet spot that had soaked through the fabric of your skirt, Comte laughs heartidly. “How interesting. To think my words made you this wet. I do not know to be impressed with my own skill or yours~” 

         “Comte!”

         His fingers lace across your throat as he leans over you, raw emotions seeping through his teeth as he nips your jaw. “Yes, do call my name like that. I think I longed for your voice the most of anything…” Comte drags his tongue across your neck, searching for your pulse like he forgot where it is in the time that he was away. Upon finding it, your lover suckles on it. His hand slips between your legs simultaneously to pull your thigh back, giving him space to grind against you. 

         “P-Please, I’ve been waiting so long for you!” you hiccup as you drag your nails acorss his back. A groan rumbles in the back of his throat – a sign of his own pleasure. You do it again to entice him and coax out another moan. 

         “Tell me, did you like my letters?” 

         “Yes!” 

         Applying the slightest big more pressure, Comte smiles, his fangs winking in the lamplight. They enter your flesh the same time his cock enters your wetness. It is a glorious sensation: the fluid motions of his tongue as it rolls over the puncture marks and the powerful thrusts that send your toes curling. A hand flies into Comte’s hair, and you tangle your fingers in his caramel locks to hold on to him, to ensure that this is not a dream. 

         He grips your thigh in such a way that you know there will be spots of beautiful purple left on your skin. You can already feel the knot building up in the pit of your stomach, but Comte is far from done with you. 

         Cuping your face gently, Comte runs his fingers over your cheek to brush your hair out of the way. His gaze is so loving and deep, you feel like you could get lost in the amber alone. Your hand falls to his jaw and you do the same to him before sitting up slightly. Your breasts are flush with his as you nuzzle against Comte. 

         He continues to thrust into you mercilessly, but the two of you are suspended in a loving moment. Having been reunited now, you cling to him and teeth on his earlobe. “Bite me again, Comte… I trust you, and I’ve missed you so so much.” 

         Obeying your command, Comte dips his head to the marks already at your pulse so he can run his tongue over it again. He presses dainty kisses down your neck, all the way to your collarbone where he bites you once more. This time, he is more gentle, but you are still hit with a wave of pleasure that makes you moan joyfully. 

         You squirm under his firm grip, making some of the blood run down to the bed. Comte catches it with a swift lick before the crimson has a chance to stain the pillowcase. “Careful..” he whispers as his lips fixate against the new puncture marks to suck on you. 

         Mewling, you shift your hips in such a way that allows Comte to bury himself deeply into you. His tip rubs against the spot that makes you unravel instantly – as he repeatedly thrusts against it, you entwine your fingers with his. “Comte, I’ve–” 

         “Sh, ma cherie, I know. And you are so beautiful.” 

         You remember his letter in the moment and clench harder around his length because you want him to climax with you. Comte moans and leans back slightly, giving you a full view of his muscular chest. He rakes his fingers through his hair and continues to thrust into you, dragging your orgasm out longer. A line of blood trickles down his lower lip, so you reach up to catch it with your thumb. 

         Comte grasps your hand and laps at your digit. You moan again, and Comte smirks before coming down to kiss you once more. He tenses a final time and releases inside of you. Crying out, Comte shushes you gently and nuzzles against your cheek. “Ma cherie, how wonderful it is to be home..”

         There is a moment where everything is still and Comte still covers you with his body. But he shifts and takes his place next to you. His seed trickles out of you, making you feel incredibly dirty, but Comte pulls your leg over his hip to hold you close. 

         “You were supposed to receive those earlier than today, but I must say, I am not dismayed in the slightest.” 

         Pressing a hand against his chest, you nuzzle close to Comte and pull the blankets up over your shoulder. Comte gives you a quick kiss across the bite marks before holding you close. “Next time I leave, shall I send you more messages like that?” 

         “No, take me with you. I’ll keep you warm,” you reply with a grin. 

[thathopelessromantic]

Crossing Lines

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Rating: Mature (implied sexual content + mild language) Pairing: Lance/Keith Note: The comeback no one expected with a series I thought was finished in 2018 and a fic I started in 2019 finally finished lol

There’s a nagging worry in the back of his head that this is not normal friends-with-benefits behavior, but it is easily drowned out by Lance’s sleepy smile when he shifts again to face Keith. He hides another wide yawn in his shoulder.

“Those kids wore you out, clearly.” Keith observes, trying to fight back his own yawn.

Lance smiles fondly. “It was fun to see them, to go back and be with everyone for a while. But I’m really glad you were here when I got home.”

AO3: (X) Part 1 of the series: (X)

Keith looks away from his computer as his phone buzzes against his leg. Pidge sits across the room at her desk, muttering to herself as she readjusts the device’s calibration – again. Their project was supposed to be at least 80 percent theoretical, but Keith knew the moment he was paired with Pidge that option was thrown out the window.

He flips his phone over just as it vibrates again. There’s a text from Shiro, asking him for the third time about a shirt Shiro insists Keith stole and Keith insists Shiro just lost, and a snapchat from Lance. Dismissing the text notification, he opens snapchat.

Most of the picture is just of a bright blue sky above him, but Lance’s face peeks out from the bottom, at an extremely unflattering angle. The selfie is taken at chest level while Lance looks down at the camera. His hair is pushed under a backwards baseball cap with frayed stitching along the edge and there is, what appears to be, a sparkly butterfly sticker on his cheek. Above his head it reads:

don’t blow up my apartment while im gone, mullet. i live there.

Shaking his head, he taps away the message. Pidge still appears absorbed in her tinkering and doesn’t notice as he takes a blurry picture of her.

we’re not that irresponsible

It only takes a few seconds for Lance to reply, no longer bothering with pictures and just texting back.

HA! but seriously, hunk’s been sending me worried messages all weekend

…Hunk had seemed particularly anxious the last time Keith emerged from Pidge’s room for a drink.

hm…like an hour ago pidge thought she had gotten the laser to work for real and did seem a little maniacal…

Lance replies with a supremely unimpressed expression, made, of course, all the more effective by the butterfly sticker. Keith snorts, but also half-heartedly wonders how easily he could get away with saving a screenshot of the selfie. He just saved one last night, of Lance cuddling with his parent’s dog ruined only slightly by the caption insinuating the dog had better breath than Keith, but he brushed it off with a lie about trying to lock his phone and taking the screenshot accidentally. He’s not sure if Lance believed him then, but he definitely wouldn’t believe it two times in a row.

Pidge loudly clears her throat across the room. Startled, Keith dismisses the message, and nearly drops his phone in the process. When he looks up, Pidge is looking at him over the rim of her glasses, with one brow raised.

“…Yes?”

“How’s that report coming, Keith?”

He glances back at his computer, at the three and a half pages he had finished of their ten-page report. “Fine.”

“Hm.” Pidge looks away, jotting down some other measurements on a pad besides her. “And how’s your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my-” Keith starts before he gives up with a heavy sigh. It’s a waste of breath with her. “Lance thinks we’re going to blow up the apartment. Well I guess actually Hunk does, and he turned to Lance for help.”

Pidge rolls her eyes, muttering something under her breath about worry-warts and ridiculous roommates. Keith smiles at the, somehow, simultaneously exasperated but fond tone she uses and turns back to his computer, tucking his phone under his leg again. But it takes a while to focus on anything other than blue eyes and familiar, silly banter.

It’s nearly three and a half hours later, though it hardly feels like it, when Hunk knocks at the door, tempting them out of the room and their work-stupors with the promise of pizza, the heady aroma already spilling out from the kitchen. They settle in the living room, Pidge and Hunk on the couch with Keith on the floor in front of them, legs stretched out under the coffee table. Pidge is still complaining around mouthfuls of burning cheese that they were almost done, if Hunk had just waited a little while longer, but Hunk turns on the sci-fi series they’ve been watching together and within ten minutes into the episode her complaints have turned into an analysis of how the character’s spacesuits work.

Keith relaxes against the couch as their familiar chatter falls around him. He’s a little lost in what is happening in the show, they’re further than he’s been able to get on his own, but it’s nice to share it with them anyways, especially with the way Hunk laughs triumphantly when he guesses the ridiculous plot twist twenty minutes early and Pidge keeps comparing the characters to people they know with frightening accuracy.

It only takes them an episode and a half to completely demolish the pizza, but when the third one starts up in the queue, no one bothers to reach for the remote. Full of good food and only half-paying attention to the show, Keith can feel himself being lulled to sleep right there on the living room floor. He fights against the urge as much as he can, but the last thing he remembers is the upbeat opening starting for the next episode, and then suddenly the episode is ending as he jerks awake, knocking his knee on the underside of the table, hard.

After his unfortunate waking, he extracts himself from under the table, gathering up dirty plates, despite Hunk’s protest, and taking them into the kitchen – the moving helps wake him up, even if his knee still hurts like a bitch. The stove clock reads 7:03. He slips through the living room as another episode is starting and goes to their bathroom.

As he’s washing his hands, his phone buzzes with another text. He opens the text as he exits the room. It’s a picture from Adam, Shiro’s fiancé, of Shiro sitting on the floor of what Keith is pretty sure is their laundry room, head buried in his hands. There’s a very dusty pile of something next to him.

The text says: we found his shirt.

Keith leaves the text conversation, trying not to laugh. Considering all the trouble Shiro gave him, Keith feels like he should be at least mildly annoyed by this instead of amused.

He turns the doorknob to the room in front of him and swings it open before he even realizes what he’s doing. He freezes, looking in at Lance’s dark, empty room. Distracted, he had apparently been moving through the apartment on autopilot – straight to Lance’s room. Feeling like he’s breaking some kind of unspoken rule, he takes a few steps in. Lance’s bed is still a mess of blankets and pillows, and there’s piles of books and discarded shoes covering his floor. He’s only been gone a few days, but his absence feels so prominent, especially like this, Keith can’t help but feel like something is wrong.

He’s texting Lance before he can think better of it.

when are you coming back again?

Lance’s response is almost instantaneous.

why? missing me that much already, mullet?

Yes, Keith’s head or heart, or maybe both, shout.

no just wondering how much longer we get to enjoy this peace and quiet he says instead.

whatever, asshole …….tomorrow night

Keith silently but firmly tells himself to stop being so damn happy about this news as he slips his phone back into his pocket. He takes one last look at Lance’s room before stepping back out into the hall and pulling the door closed behind him.

He just barely manages to fight the telling smile off his face before he gets back to the living room.

 Keith crashes at their apartment for the night, on the couch. Hunk and Pidge both try to convince him that he could take Lance’s bed and Lance wouldn’t care, but Keith is fairly certain he wouldn’t get much sleep if he was in Lance’s room – even if he would be alone – and insists the couch is fine. He wakes up once around 5 or 6 in the morning as Hunk is getting ready for his opening shift at a local diner but otherwise sleeps well until about 10:30. He wanders into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee before going to roust Pidge. He doesn’t mind mornings much, but he learned very soon into their friendship that Pidge is very firmly a “night owl,” and has no interest in trying to deny her nature. She’s lying upside down on her bed when he gets to her room, and somehow managed to kick all of her blankets off of the bed, except one, which looks dangerously close to suffocating her.

He stands in the doorway for a moment, just staring at her. “How do you even manage this?”

“Mmphf.” Sleeping Pidge replies, very firmly.

“Right.” Keith pauses. “I’ll come back when the coffee’s done, actually.”

With a little extra time, Keith hops in the shower. As soon as he opens the bottle of shampoo, he recognizes the familiar, fresh scent as Lance’s soap. He’s a little surprised Lance left his favorite soap behind, even if he was just going to his family home for a few days. He also isn’t sure what to do, looking around the shower space for other soap. There’s plenty, and surely none of them would care either way if he used a little soap but…

Is he totally over thinking this? Absolutely.

Does that realization help him make a decision about which soap to use? Absolutely not.

What feels like ages, but is hopefully only a few minutes, passes before he finally convinces himself to stop being ridiculous and just use the damn shampoo. He just grabbed Lance’s first, it was a coincidence and if Pidge noticed later…well, she would just have to accept that.

…Right.

He washes up quickly after wasting who knows how long second-guessing his soap choices and leaves the bathroom to the smell of coffee slowly starting to fill the apartment.

He has to break the nonexistent, unspoken rule his brain has built up in his mind a second time, and trespasses across Lance’s room to find some spare clothes he’s left behind for overnight stays. He pulls on some clean boxers and his jeans from yesterday, but after he’s pulled the worn Altea University shirt over his head, he realizes its Lance shirt, not his. There’s a small hole starting in the bottom hem and the white letters are fading and cracked from excessive wear. It was folded in his drawers, so Keith is like…ninety percent certain it’s clean, but it still smells like Lance’s cologne. Or maybe it’s his lotion or laundry soap or bodywash, but between whatever lingering scent Lance has left on his clothes and the smell of his shampoo still obvious in Keith’s damp hair, he suddenly feels overwhelmed.

He hates how much he hates that Lance is gone.

It’s just a couple of days. Why is he such a disaster? They’re friends. When was the last time he missed Hunk or Pidge this much when they were gone? Even with their friends with benefits arrangement, what made Lance that special to him?

Actually, that was a can of worms he wasn’t really prepared to open just yet.

Keith makes a hasty retreat – a calm, completely normal walk out of one room to another if anyone asks – back to the kitchen for coffee. He pours a generous amount for both Pidge and himself, before he returns to Pidge’s room to finally wake her. He’s not exactly eager to spend another full day working on this project, but he wants to get it done, and he officially really needs the distraction.

It takes another hour, even with the promise of coffee, to pull Pidge out of bed, and she insists on showering “to feel like a real person” before they can get back to work on their project.

Keith has gotten as far as turning his laptop back on and opening their report, rereading the last few paragraphs to remember where he left off, when Pidge returns to her room in some leggings and a baggy t-shirt Keith is pretty sure belongs to either Lance or Matt.

“How about food first?” she suggests.

It’s not exactly the distraction he was looking for, but he shuts his laptop anyways, pushing it off his lap before she even finishes her sentence.

 Sal’s is a small 24-hour diner just outside of Altea's central campus that makes it a popular place for both students and professors. Sunday morning, it is practically bursting at the seams, but it’s got good food for reasonable prices and Hunk, Lance, and Pidge had become regulars even before Hunk got a job in the kitchen. Within a few months of becoming friends, Keith had been invited along enough times that the waitstaff began to recognize him too.

Their wait for a table is reasonable, all things considered, and then Keith and Pidge have only been at the table for maybe three minutes before their waitress, Flora, drops drinks off at the table with a promise to be back for their orders in just a minute. Her long, red pony tail swings wildly behind her as she flits around the small space.

They hadn’t ordered anything, but Flora had been there for a long time and was used to their group stopping in, especially on weekend mornings when Hunk was working. But sitting on the table in front of them is two coffee mugs, and a tall glass of apple juice.

Keith and Pidge both stare at it for a moment, before looking to each other. Keith has a feeling the juice is making him feel a whole lot more…things than it is Pidge.

“I guess she just assumed?” Pidge finally says after a moment and goes back to the menu, as if she hadn’t memorized it within the first three months of their visits.

Keith pulls out his phone and takes a picture of the juice, sending it to Lance with a text:

from flora

Lance’s response comes in a few minutes later, interspersed with at least a dozen crying emojis.

i cant believe u traitors went to sal’s w/o me. tell flora i love her and one of u better drink that. we don’t let apple juice go to waste in this house

i am not telling her that. but i will drink the juice for u

Flora comes back to the table before Lance’s next reply comes in. “Just your usual’s today?”

Pidge hums and haws over the decision a few times, like she does every time they come, before agreeing to her usual order. Though she asks for fresh fruit as well today, just to mix it up.

He can feel his phone buzz against his leg almost the entire time Pidge is ordering. And again a few more times as he confirms that he would like his usual order as well. “But, Lance isn’t with us today so…nothing for him.” Keith adds awkwardly at the end.

Flora blinks at him a few times, surprised, before she snaps her fingers as if suddenly remembering something. “Right. I remember Hunk mentioning one of his roommates was out of town for a few days. Sorry guys, I’m just so used to your trio, or just you and him,” she says to Keith, thankfully not seeing the way Pidge wiggles her eyebrows and makes kissy-faces at him for the aside. “I’ll take that juice back for you.”

“Oh no, that’s fine.” Keith says, moving the glass closer to him. “It’s already poured, we’ll drink it.”

Flora arches a brow, but doesn’t argue with him. She promises their food will be out shortly and leaves the table.

“I can’t believe Lance didn’t request you deliver any messages to her for him, or insist we eat his chocolate chip pancakes in his honor too.” Pidge says once she’s gone.

Keith pulls out his phone, flipping it around to show Pidge the twelve messages he got while they were ordering. “Oh, I’m sure he did somewhere in there.”

 It’s hard to get back to work on a full stomach, but they power through it. Their shared determination to not have to worry about the project after today deters the usual urge to distract each other. Still, progress is slow, and they’re still working when Hunk comes home from work and peeks in to check on them. They pass on lunch when Hunk asks after his shower, and give non-committal answers to his questions about dinner plans.

Keith is entirely unaware of time and date and hell maybe even location by the time he drags himself through the conclusion but he is bordering on ecstatic when he finally saves the document for the last time and looks up from the computer only for Pidge to look up from her own work and meet his eye a few seconds later.

“Done?”

He nods, and she gives an excited “whoop!” stumbling off her desk chair to throw herself on the bed besides him. “So I just need to add in my input and double-check the details match up, right?”

He nods again, and she immediately scrolls to the top of the document to start reading. “Oh!” she jumps up again, grabbing her laptop from the desk and the notebook she was working in besides it. “Do you want to double check the equations and make sure the experiment outline matches the order you have everything in the paper?”

He is relatively confident in Pidge’s work, but he agrees, nonetheless, and the two settle against each other in the twin bed to finish their work.

 Keith isn’t sure when he dozes off, he doesn’t even really remember falling asleep, but when he wakes up, it’s dark in Pidge’s room. Both of their computers are on her desk and he’s alone in her bed. He sits up, half-heartedly feeling around the blankets for his phone to check the time.

“C’mon Mullet, you really had to move right then?”

Keith about jumps out of his skin at the unexpected voice, though he’d vehemently deny it if asked. Lance is sitting backwards in Pidge’s desk chair, pushed close to the door. He lowers his phone, smirking at Keith’s startled expression.

“I guess the deer-in-the-headlights look is fun too, but I was really going to enjoy lording the drooling-all-over-Pidge’s-sheets picture over you.” Lance teases.

Keith’s heart brain is doing some kind of stupid, fluttery thing over the boy across the room that he is pointedly ignoring.

“Shut up.” Keith mutters, even as he hastily wipes at his mouth. There’s nothing there. Asshole. He pushes himself off the bed. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Lance presses a hand to his chest in fake offense. “Really? You sleep through my grand return and when you finally bother to wake up, that’s how you greet me?”

Keith crosses the room, folding his arms over his chest and summoning the most unimpressed expression he can muster. “You know what I meant.”

Lance doesn’t seem deterred by the new height difference between them, or Keith’s attitude, crossing his arms over the back of the chair and batting his eyelashes up at him cheekily. He’s wearing the same baseball hat from the picture he sent Keith yesterday, but he’s got it on in the right direction this time, making him look minorly less like a douchebag. The baggy zip-up, which may very well be Hunk’s, over a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and sweatpants isn’t really helping though.

“When did you get back?” Keith askes instead of commenting on his poor outfit choices.

Lance shrugs. “A little after five. Pidge said you started to doze off around four.” He adds before Keith can ask. “Hunk made stir fry for dinner.”

Taking that to mean Lance was actually sent here to wake him up for dinner, rather than simply coming to terrorize him because he was bored, Keith steps around him to leave. A moment later Lance stumbles off the chair after him, complaining all the way.

“Hey,” Lance calls after him.

Keith is already rolling his eyes as he turns around, assuming Lance has a few more jabs he wants to get out before they get to the kitchen, so he is wholly unprepared for Lance to hook a finger in the collar of his shirt and pull him close.

“Is this my shirt?”

It takes all of his self-control not to fly away from Lance’s hold, though the heat rising rapidly to his cheeks is probably giving away his embarrassment all the same. “Maybe? I just grabbed something from your drawers after my shower this morning.”

Lance has a look in his eyes that Keith recognizes as usually meaning something dangerous is in store for him. He leans in closer, stopping just before the bill of his hat brushes the top of Keith’s head. “Did you use my shampoo too?”

“I think you’re a little too obsessed with your things for someone wearing someone else’s hoodie.”

“Well I think you missed me while I was gone.”

Keith isn’t entirely sure who moves first, but one second they’re staring each other down daring the other to give in and the next he’s shoved Lance’s baseball cap off his head, burying his fingers in Lance’s messy hair while Lance’s hands have dropped to his waist, pulling him close with a bruising grip. Their kiss is uncoordinated and messy. Keith is ninety percent certain he was not the only one missing someone a stupid amount this weekend. His back hits the wall, and he faintly registers Pidge yelling something about her room from the other side of the apartment.

Lance rucks up his shirt, warm hands brushing over his sides, and Keith is dangerously close to wrapping his legs around his hips and saying fuck dinner.

They finally break apart for air and Lance laughs against his throat, the sensation sending shivers down his back. “I knew you missed me.”

“And what?” Keith asks breathlessly. “You were ambivalent about it all? I don’t think so. Not kissing like that.”

Lance pulls back to look at him with a surprisingly soft look. “I just wanted to hear you admit it,” he teases.

Normally, Keith would have a comeback for that, probably, but now he’s distracted as he runs his fingers through Lance’s bangs. “You have blue hair.”

Just the tips of his hair that are dyed, actually, not his whole head, he’s still surprised by the change. It seems a little silly, but it still looks good on him.

Lance, not one to be deterred by much, winks at him, striking a pose. “Hot, right? Rachel did it.”

“Yeah, it looks good.”

That does give Lance pause and he blinks at Keith and his easy admission a few times. “Er, well…we should probably go eat now. If just to reassure Pidge we aren’t defiling her room.”

 Dinner is great, as usual when Hunk cooks, and they sit in the living room with another show on in the background, but they fill most of the time talking about Lance’s trip and gossip in their department that Keith is somehow always unaware of.

It is well after eleven before conversation begins to fade and they start to disperse around the apartment. Keith is, maybe a little, embarrassed about it, but he doesn’t bother to hide his intentions to stay with Lance rather than going back to his own apartment now that the project is done. For once, Pidge and Hunk leave them be with minimal suggestive looks.

Considering the brief tryst in the hallway earlier, Keith isn’t entirely sure what to expect when they finally retire to Lance’s room, but Lance doesn’t seem to be in a particular rush to do anything. Keith shimmies out of his jeans and drops into bed while Lance puts on some kind of moisturizer. He strips down to his boxers after and Keith can see new, blue markings up and down his arms before Lance turns the light off. Predictably, a moment later there’s a crash and Lance swears. Keith leans over to turn on the lamp next to the bed. Lance is leaning against the footboard, rubbing his shin.

“What did you knock over this time?”

Lance sticks out his tongue. “Don’t worry about it. Move over.” He says. He doesn’t wait before he climbs over the end of the bed and flops down, half on top of Keith.

“I would have moved if you let me,” Keith says into his shoulder.

Lance hums in consideration before he shifts on the mattress. Keith lets him maneuver him around the bed, mostly curious as to what he’s doing, until they end up on their sides, legs tangled together and arms around each other. Lance’s head is pressed against his chest, and his hands are, conveniently, on his ass.

“Lance-”

“Shh,” Lance interrupts immediately. “I had to go a whole weekend without even being able to see this ass, give me a moment to enjoy it.”

Keith laughs despite himself, rolling his eyes. “You are ridiculous.”

Lance wiggles against him, sighing contently. “You like it.”

“Whatever.”

Absentmindedly, Keith runs a hand against Lance’s back, trailing nonsense patterns against his warm skin. Eventually, he looks down, just to make sure Lance hasn’t actually fallen asleep like that, and sees the blue drawings on his arm again.

“What is all over you?”

Lance lets go of him to roll onto his back and show off his arms. “After Rachel dyed my hair, Nadia and Sylvio wanted to match, but Lisa, their mom, wasn’t really thrilled with the idea, so we found these tattoo markers at the dollar store and they were washable, so we went kind of crazy.” Lance shifts so his side is up where the black outline of a shark tattooed into his waist is now black and blue. “They also colored in my tattoo.”

“Did you draw these?”

“Haha,” Lance elbows him in the side half-heartedly. “I drew the rocket ship on my wrist, and the constellations on my shoulder, if they’re still there, are from Veronica, but everything else is from Nadia and Sylvio. Oh, and Luis,” Lance points to a…something near his elbow.

“A flower?” Keith guesses.

Lance snorts. “A lion, according to him.”

“Not the most artistically inclined I’m assuming?”

Lance shakes his head. “Not at all. Nadia’s pretty good though,” he turns over his arm to show off a dog on his forearm. “That’s pretty damn good for a seven-year-old drawing on a moving canvas with dollar-store markers.”

They just spent the last few hours talking about this weekend with Hunk and Pidge in the living room, but Keith can’t help but ask more questions about his family and what they did over the weekend. He brushes Lance’s hair out of his face, and Lance settles deeper into his arms, waving his hands in the air as he talks about the piñata he had to fill for the party by himself, that was bigger than the birthday boy, and the balloon mishaps that had his mother ready to call the whole thing off more than once.

There’s a nagging worry in the back of his head that this is not normal friends-with-benefits behavior, but it is easily drowned out by Lance’s sleepy smile when he shifts again to face Keith.

“Did you guys have fun this weekend?”

Keith shrugs one shoulder. “As much fun as you can have the weekend before a Kolivan deadline.”

Lance grimaces sympathetically. “You finished everything though, right?”

“I think so. We were just checking each other’s work before I fell asleep. If there was more to do, I doubt Pidge would have let me sleep for long.”

Lance hides a wide yawn in his shoulder. “That’s good,” he tries to say, only to break off half-way through into another yawn.

“Those kids wore you out, clearly.” Keith observes, trying to fight back his own yawn.

Lance smiles fondly. “It was fun to see them, to go back and be with everyone for a while. But I’m really glad you were here when I got home.”

The admittance is so quiet in the still room, and almost immediately drowned out by the way Keith’s pulse races, blood roaring in his ears.

Lance had closed his eyes, but he opens them again and looks up at him curiously. Keith knows he has to be able to hear the erratic beating of his heart. He wonders if Lance is even remotely aware of how many lines they’ve crossed in the period of their relationship, if he thinks at all about how little like fuck-buddies they behave when they spend nights wrapped in each other’s arms saying soft things and doing nothing else and if it affects him at all or if this is just how he is casually intimate with everyone. And he wonders why he hates that idea so much.

“Can I kiss you?” Keith asks. It’s usually Lance’s question, but for once, Keith can’t help but ask, ignoring, for now, how overwhelmed he is.

Surprisingly, Lance is quiet, and just nods his agreement, watching Keith with wide eyes.

The kiss now is nothing like the ones they shared before dinner, slow and gentle where the others were rushed and near-frantic. Keith wraps both arms around Lance’s waist, and Lance cradles his face with one hand, threading his other hand through Keith’s hair.

“Good night,” Keith whispers against his lips as they break apart feeling like he’s doing something unbelievably stupid even as the words come.

Lance presses one more quick, closed-mouth kiss against his lips. “Good night.”

Keith flips off the bedside table lamp, dousing them in darkness.

He isn’t sure how long they lay in the dark before Lance finally relaxes and falls asleep, but it feels like at least another hour before Keith admits to himself, he can’t sleep yet and carefully extracts himself from the bed. Lance makes a quiet noise of displeasure in his sleep, but easily stretches out, taking up the empty space and doesn’t wake up.

Keith goes out into the hallway, thinking he’ll just go to the living room and calm down but a light shines through the crack of Pidge’s closed door and he finds himself drawn there instead. He knocks once and Pidge opens the door immediately, looking around the hall almost alarmed.

“Keith? What’s wrong? It’s almost four in the morn-”

“Pidge, I think I love him.” Keith interrupts. “I think I’m in love.”

[cowboyshit]

@adampage tumblr did a dumbass thing and messed up the read-more to where I couldn’t put it under one so I had to delete your ask and I’m making a separate post for this disaster of a ramble hoooo boy i hope you’re ready for what you’ve unleashed

adampage  asked: ma’am I know you’re high off your rocker but if you have time would you please critique hangman’s playlist for me bc I want to know your thoughts 🥰 anyway yeehaw

OH MY GOD yes???? yes I fucking WILL?????? let’s just pump the breaks on what i was doing right the fuck now, get his playlist in front of me (even though ive been listening to it nonstop and have so many things to ALREADY SAY) and talk about this shit. im sorry if this isn’t coherent im pry just gonna ramble. (edit to add now that I’m done: ITS FREAKING 3252 WORDS LONG LMAO OH MY GOD)

first and foremost. I Love It. let’s just slap that down. get that out of the way. ITS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. also this is going under a readmore cause YEAH. it’s THAT LONG.

let’s start first with mr. adam ‘i taught graphic design when i was 20 and learned adobe illustrator and photoshop to design my own tshirts when i was an indie wrestler’ page’s cover image. wait. no. back up - look at the profile image he chose for his profile. it’s not a selfie. it’s not a picture he snapped with his camera. it’s a screenshot of the “has been drinking” moment on aew dynamite. what a lovable FOOL. he really saved that and put that as his profile pic im skjdfkjfd okay now swing back to the anxious millenial design with the signed hangman adam page for the cover. he designed that. I swear he did. I swear he did that. I could be wrong but I just feel it in my bones. that was him. also, THAT should have been the vintage shirt. cowboy shit is cute but ANXIOUS MILLENNIAL COWBOY? I NEED THAT AS THE SHIRT!

okay now let’s get into the songs. wait. before i go through it I do want to say something about the playlist overall.

I can’t decide if this is because he shares so many similarities to the character hangman adam page, but so many of these songs apply to his character like, this fucking playlist plays like a hangman adam page THE CHARACTER playlist. like this is the playlist i’d find on 8tracks back when that was the “thing” in fandom where every song makes me go “OMG THAT IS THAT CHARACTER” like. I don’t know if he did that purposefully as an extension of the character? or if it just happens to line up because of how similar he is and his story is to his character but SOME of these songs wooooo boy they get deep dont they? when you compare them to the character?

okay. songs.

so I know some of these, especially the classics, summertime of course, but for the ones I didn’t know I love them so much. they have such a vibe that just fits him, and they’re all so good???

rather low by nick shoulders is one I didn’t know and I fucking LOVE it. and look. it goes from Long Time Gone by the Dixie Chicks. Long Time Gone about being away from the country life, from home and if my THEORY is right about this playlist hitting the character, hangman is struggling with being lost, without a family. it goes from that to rather low, which talks about not being welcome at home. like “I told you once I told you twice, I’m steeped in verse and cursed in vice” ajdskjds GOOD lyrics. beat slaps. song slaps. I love it.

okay so we go roll on mississippi which is soft compared to the two upbeat songs that just hit us before. calms you down after that high energy beat rather low had. lets you breathe. AND it’s got a sad, soft, longing pull to it, falling in with more of those “lost” from home themes. “You're the childhood dream that I grew up on. Roll on Mississippi, carry me home. Now I can see I've been away too long.” UGH! and also, it’s just a good fucking song.

then we go to a song i haven’t heard and love, going places by aubrie sellers. it’s a little bit funkier, but still soft. also groovy as FUCK. and it obv talks about GOING places. so maybe the first three songs were about the home he’s left behind, but now it’s about where he’s going. and man this song just SLAPS.

A CLASSIC is next, 1970 something illegal smile by john prine. it has that classic soft croon, such a good country sound and it’s a little bit playful. it makes you wanna smile and sway back and forth. it’s a good song. fun. but it’s almost a little bit. dark? “ Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone. No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun. Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls, tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls. I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?” it just makes me think of when his character “killed” joey ryan. I could be looking too far into it but, that’s what popped into my head.

OKAY NOW this next one. fuck yeah I DIG this song. I hadn’t heard this song and it quickly went into my liked songs. and if we’re following his character, the lyrics hit HARD. “ I've lost the will to try this worthless lullaby. Its melody won't fly me past oblivion. I bet it would be nice to find that paradise, a world of sparkling light beyond the setting sun. But I don't dream anymore” ugh !!!!!!! UGGGHH!! SO GOOD?? and even the slight upbeat to it. “would if I could but I don’t dream anymore” uuuuggghhh SO GOOD. love this song. one of my faves of the whole list for sure.

the next two back-to-back are CLASSICS and fit the hangman adam page character so damn perfect. i’ve even looked at lyrics from merle haggard’s i don’t want to sober up to night for adam in the past akjfdkjdsf it’s fucking perfect. and then followed by dwight yoakam’s honky tonk man?! amazing. we go from from fucking heart-wrenching lyrics if you think about them for him: “ I don't want to sober up tonight. I don't want to act like things are alright, and I don't want to change just to make you think I'm happy. That's my right, I don't want to sober up tonight. I want to keep my mind a little hazy. I don't care if all my friends think I'm crazy. The way I treat myself I might be a little crazy But that's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight. I'm here to drown another day of misery. I'm in here to spend one night without a mem'ry and the way I'm drinking now there won't be any memory. But it's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight” to HONKY TONK MAN. HONKY. TONK. MAN. “ Well I'm a honky tonk man and I can't seem to stop. I love to give the girls a whirl to the music of an old jukebox, but when my money's all gone, I'm on the telephone singing, hey hey mama can your daddy come home?” ajhsdjksdjkf like. look. partying hangman, drunk, swinging a girl around in the country bar???? cause he refused to sober up and just wanted to have fun? anyways regardless if there’s a connection or if im reaching, these are some good classics to pull out right here. honky tonk man will ALWAYS bring the party back up.

another song I didn’t know but now love? happy reunion by colter wall? this is a good freaking cowboy song??? and it’s a cute story???? about what a cowboy does during his day??? what the fuck? riding along the range with his dog, helping the cow, getting the calf back that’d gotten lost???? CUTE? anyways this is a vibin as HELL song and if it’d come out when I was still raising cows my ass woulda been blasting this shit as I drove to feed the herd for SURE. this song is a whole ass vibe and I’m digging it.

okay. walk through fire by yola? another i didn’t know (which - so far it seems all the songs that arent classics - spare dixie chicks - are from 2019) and I am obsessed with???? it’s so good? and fuck just such a good love song??? “Standing on the side of the river. Staring across the great divide. I'd give all my gold and silver just to get to the other side. Your love is like a rescue vessel, carries me through the night through these flames of destruction. I know you're gonna make it right. I know, I know you're gonna save my life.“ LIKE? HENLO????????? FUCK!!!! THATS SO GOOD. that whole song I could post all the lyrics tbh. and the way she CROONS it ugh. yeah. I love that song.

FUCKIN YES. DOLLY FUCKIN PARTON. youre not gonna make a country playlist and not include a dolly parton song boy i KNOW IT. and the song choice??? hm? remind you of a CERTAIN COWBOYS STRUGGLE WITH NOT HAVING A HOME???? “What difference does it make which way I go, got an empty feelin' down inside. Still I need to stay alive and who can tell what waits beyond this road. I'm a drifter” ajdfshjsd god I love dolly. and of COURSE he does too. i’m so pleased by this choice I can’t stop smiling. ugh. love this. love dolly.

sandpaper oneside, rubber other by the bobby tenderloin universe what do you know? another 2019 song I didn’t know and yet absolutely LOVE. I also am loving how he does a mix of classics with newer (but still almost classic-country sounding, maybe like. classic meets modern) country music in this playlist. AND WHAT A SONG. it’s so good? and again, just makes me think of the character. “there are two minds inside me. that’s one life too many. but i keep moving slow on both sides, strong as I can be.” tell me that doesnt make you think of hangman adam page. and it has such a... sad vibe. “i cant believe the things i am. as much a lion as a lamb” !!!!!!!!!!! ugh such a GOOD LINE. THAT SLAPS. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh this song. especially the back vocals of the woman that comes in later on? it’s like. ethereal. beautiful. fucking beautiful and almost haunting. paired with the sad lyrics? UGH. gorgeous.

long white line by sturgill simpson i do know and LOVE and it’s got a fun, uplifting cowboy beat following the more slow, sad croon of the last song. it’s SO COUNTRY. the way it’s sung? SO COUNTRY. and also ajdfskjsd adam. “I woke up my baby was gone without her I don't need no home” and “Gonna' push this rig 'til I push that girl out of my mind. If somebody wants to know what's become of this so and so tell em' I'm somewhere looking for the end of that long white line” kjdjkfdkjf this is just such a country song, and it fits SO well, especially after that previous pick.

now we go from two new songs to another classic. another (i think) 1970s country hit. lonesome, on’ry and mean is SUCH a classic country song. it has that good old sound, and the story it tells too. and just, I can’t stop thinking about hangman just “ Been driving these highways, been doing things my way. It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean.” ajdskjflkf it’s fair to say that character IS lonesome, on’ry and mean right now. anyways, fun country song regardless and I DIG the addition.

okay back to a newer song and holy shit. this is my personal favorite of the new songs he introduced me to. this song I LOVE this song. fuuun FUN beat, makes me want to fucking GROOVE. I love love love this, and I love the way the singer sings? it just makes me wanna UGH. just wanna sway to it. the whine in the croon I just love. and the BEAT. the beat is so fucking good. and the lyrics? “I'm that wholesome Midwestern boy that you want to bring home to your mama. Even though I bring you joy, baby I'm not the toy you wanna play with at night. Too many things I've seen. Too many people and places I've been. I'm thinking about doing those things I shouldn't be doing. Something I've never done before. I want something to fuck me up. Need somebody to fuck me up. Everyone feels like it. Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up” ajdsjkds I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH “Well I might go and get drunk and stoned 'cause it's better than being only crazy. If I ever come back, wherever I end up at is where I was supposed to be.” it’s so perfect for his character it drives me crazy. this is a song I’d listen to and first, groove to, and then be like THIS SONG IS HANGMAN. love this song. absolutely a favorite.

the next song though. the next song. fucking hangman adam page and his love of biscuits. southern biscuits by seasick steve oh. my. god. this BOY. THIS COUNTRY BOY. THIS BISCUIT LOVIN COUNTRY BOY. this is such a damn good addition. not only is it so fucking country, almost. spoken/sung? the soft hum with the fucking banjo??? and of COURSE of course he knows and loves this song I can’t with him. and it hits you with the: “ Southern biscuits, nothin' better in the world 'less they're made for you, by your southern girl.” and I go UWU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

two new songs so guess what? classic time. BALANCE. HE’S KEEPING BALANCE. I swear he’s done this purposefully and I could be crazy I could be giving him more credit than is due but I swear he’s picked the arrangement of songs too. because this is too coincidental. so, we’ve got our classic livin on the run by david allan coe. what a DARK song to go with. about a man who murders a woman and lives on the run (again, can’t help but think of the joey ryan murder thing, but hey. that’s just me grasping for straws) regardless if it ties or not, it’s a good classic and it’s fun to croon to even if its uh. dark but sung like. upbeat? almost???

okay, another classic and, to me, one of the sexiest songs on this playlist. I fucking love this song. it’s sexy with an underlying of dark. she literally seduces and knocks the guy out and robs him blind and he’s STILL craving her summer wine like. this song is SO GOOD. so fucking good. the way the music swells with the storytelling is beautiful. “Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made from all these things. Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time, and I will give to you summer wine” is just so ajkdfskjdfs ugh i love this song

and guess what? two classics so we’re swinging to a newer song. left turn on a red light by blackfoot. oof. I didn’t know this song and it hit me, it’s so good and I know im saying that about all of them but Honestly. “ Sun shines down on the desert, and it seems to make my life a haze, and I dream of my childhood sweetheart,and the freedom that I had in those days.” UGH. “ Will I always be a rambler? Will the ones I love always keep tellin' me, "You stare too long in the mirror, son, someday you'll be too blind to see.” HELLO???? those lyrics? SO GOOD. and again applying them to hangman just makes me FERAL SCREAM.

cowboys and hippies by cody jinks is such a hangman song it’s almost unreal. if I was going to REALLY reach I’d say it almost reminds me of the way the crowd pulls him back. “At some old honkytonk bar that I know by the smell, some old drunk on a barstool on a Merle Haggard tune. That's my kind of room. Raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys. They don't care about no trends, they don't care about songs that sell. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be gone, so tonight everybody just sing along, raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys” GOOD LYRICS. this has the same sad undertones too as a lot of these songs have too.

ugh. I love him sincerely for this next one. blue skies is one of my favorite songs, but blue skies by willie nelson? YES. my grandpa used to play willie nelson ALL THE TIME and I love this version. an uplifting song to follow the heavier songs. I’d like to think of a hangman who has the blue skies from now on. all of his blue days gone. this song is such a classic (cover) that just. good pick. I love this.

alright, so we’ve got a classic but he’s chosen the version from bojack horseman which makes me think that might’ve been the first time he heard it, but that’s neither here nor there. stars is a BEAUTIFUL song. and boy am I happy we had blue skies before this cause fuck. how sad? how emotional?????? “People lust for fame like athletes in a game, we break our collarbones and come up swinging, some of us are downed some of us are crowned, and some are lost and never found” fuck. fuck fuck fuck. and the last two lines, thinking about hangman? “So if you don't lose patience with my fumbling around, I'll come up singing for you, even when I'm down.” FUCK. my HEART. good pick but OUCH. good but ow.

summertime by orville peck is next BLESS finally an orville song I was gonna lose it on him if he put a playlist and DIDN’T include an orville song. interesting though he went with summertime, the newest, and not any of the ones off pony. but! it follows stars well. its soft, lull, and the lyrics are so hangman now that I put it in this context. “Catch 'em by surprise and chasin' the horizon, nothing holds me down. Askin', "Where the time's gone?" Dreamin' with the lights on, tryna keep your eyes on something along the rise" anyways I know YOU know this song well it’s so fucking good. has that same soft pull a lot of these songs have. the way that chorus swells though? the secondary vocals??? ugh. yeah this was a great choice, I’m glad he went with summertime. it fits the vibe of this playlist so well.

we’re ending on a song with such a country sound to it (i mean all of these do), a bit more upbeat, a bit more funky. “Some say I'm a wild man, drink too much nectar from the corn” and also “Oh the school, it wasn't for me. I earned my stripes a different way I learned to sing harmony and go play out on the stage” definitely makes me think of hangman for SURE. it’s a funky song to end on, and if you keep listening to the playlist on repeat like I do, it even falls into long time gone really well.

and of course this is assuming you’re meant to listen to them one after the other and not on shuffle. I’m sure it still works on shuffle but I LOVE the flow of this playlist listening to it one after the other.

love this whole playlist. and my identifying it with the character could TOTALLY be reaching, but of course I’m going to think of him and analyze his selection of *these* songs specifically to put out to all of us. out of EVERY song he likes. he didn’t include... hmm cowboy take me away, for example? shoulda been a cowboy??? the vibe of the overall playlist FITS “anxious millenial cowboy” it has an underbelly of sadness to it. and I dig the fuck out of that.

overall 10/10 I love this fucking playlist thank you goodnight

[mmmmalo]

This is a (meandering, non-exhaustive) overview of Homestuck’s use of

by which I do not mean examples of psychological realism in a character’s words and deeds, but rather the various means by which characters’ psyches are expressed outside of themselves. I wish to elaborate on how thoughts, feelings, and desires may find expression in the environment, in the medium of the story itself, and in the form of other characters.

That’s perhaps a little vague, so here’s a ready example of what I mean: brainghost!Dirk. He talks with Jake, but since he is a construct of Jake’s mind, Jake is essentially talking to himself. Brainghost!Dirk is an alienated medium for voicing Jake’s own thoughts, irretrievably distorted through its intermingling with what Jake thinks/wishes Dirk would say (not unlike a puppet). I am claiming that this mode of characterization is not a unique to Jake; the blurring of inner and outer voices is omnipresent throughout the story.

Or, rephrased: what I hope to show is that a great deal of Homestuck is haunted with brain-ghosts, of one kind or other.

An early example of this kind of storytelling in science fiction would be the film Forbidden Planet (1956). The film contains a pair of conflicts which eventually reveal themselves to be one: the scientist Morbius wants some space explorers to get off his planet, and an immense monster (pictured above) appears during the night to attack the explorers. Morbius, it turns out, has been experimenting with a machine capable of turning thought into reality. So when Morbius sleeps, his dream of driving off the trespassers materializes in the form of beast that forcefully enacts the wish.

The beast is declared a “monster from the id”, the “id” being a concept borrowed from Freudian psychology, indicating the part of the mind responsible for the unfiltered generation of impulses, of urges. In the film, this passing mention of psychoanalysis precedes the revelation of Morbius’s link to the beast.

Homestuck hints towards its own mixing of thought and reality with a device similar to Morbius’s dream machine: Sburb.

A snapshot of Dave’s Sburb client (1519) shows that the final subprograms launched during the games installation make reference to terminology associated with Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. The terms suggest that Sburb interacts with the ideas in the kids’ subconscious minds (archetypes) and brings symbolic representations of these ideas into conscious reality (manifests the ideas). The game alters the means by which reality is constructed. As with Forbidden Planet, a major result of this is id monsters.

When John slips on a staircase, he flips out (left, 560). And when he nearly launches himself into the abyss with the Pogo Hammer, he has to take a nap before he has calmed down enough to continue (center, 637). Immediately following both moments of vertigo, massive ogres appear. The eventual fight with the ogres begins after John looks over the edge of the platform above his house, into the abyss (right, 662).

All of this suggests that Sburb is reacting to John’s emotional state (fear) to produce in-game content. The game functions as a waking dream.

It should also be noted that Sburb provokes the reactions it elicits. Karkat once mentioned a nagging feeling that the game was mocking him by giving him a planet covered in the candy red blood he had spent a lifetime attempting to hide (2301). Karkat’s paranoia seems to be correct here, and moreover applicable to the cast in general -- John’s house was likely placed atop an immense spire /in order to/ bring John’s dread of falling into sharp relief. The suspicion can be substantiated with a few related motifs.

The story provides two likely origins for John’s fear of heights: his own fall from the slime pogo as a child (2626) and the death of Nanna, which John believed resulted from her falling from a ladder and being crushed by a book (52). What’s more, Sburb’s invocation of the Fall of Man (Adam and Eve being cast from the Garden of Eden) via biting into an apple hints that there is an allegorical significance to John’s more literal fear of heights. 

We can apply these patterns to other characters in an attempt to learn more about them. LOLAR being covered in ocean suggests that Rose is afraid of water, with the likely cause of Rose finding Jaspers dead and washed up on a riverbank (presumed drowned). Dave speaks openly about how his sword fights with Bro left him anxious of metal sounds (7749), meaning the grinding gears of LOHAC were a personalized hell for Dave. Jade’s first imp manifests in response to the sight of a yellow aurora (2998), inviting the reader to investigate why that image invokes a fear response.

But we won’t get to into all of that, not for now at least. Let’s take a step back.

For my reading of the imps as manifestations I’ve been leaning heavily on a piece of film theory devoted to the effects of sequential images. The sequence above constitutes two observations. One, that by this arrangement the viewer will infer the old man sees and reacts to the middle figure. Two, that the viewer’s impression of the old man will change based on the content of the central image, even if his expression is the same. Is he smiling at Nepeta or warm embrace Marvus’s armpit? The answer may influence your interpretation of the little smile.

The neat thing about montage is that the interrupting frame need not bear any obvious relation to what precedes or follows in order to be subject to a causal reading. Moments that occur sequentially can be read as triggering one another, even if what follows any particular moment appears to be a break rather than a continuation.

Example: There’s a moment where Aranea walks into Jake’s dream, and brainghost!Dirk immediately starts razzing Jake about his attraction to the alien girl and threatening to give him a boner. The scene is interrupted by Jack committing a series of gratuitous murders. We then cut back to Jake, and bg!Dirk is now teasing him about his dirty thoughts.

DIRK: You have got to be kidding. Did you seriously just think something THAT dirty? DIRK: You must be doing this on purpose to spite me now. I mean, just wow dude. That was x-rated as fuck. 

JAKE: (No no stop. See youre talking about it and now i cant help it!) JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!) 

DIRK: Don't worry, I'm gone. It's like a goddamn peep show in here and I feel like a sleazy piece of shit watching this from a dark corner of your mind. DIRK: You have a graphic imagination, English. I'm kind of impressed. 

JAKE: (Shut up theyre just thoughts its not even like im trying to have them THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING!)

The ostensible joke is that bg!Dirk is exaggerating or outright fabricating his account of Jake’s thoughts in order to hassle him. But by way of montage, one can infer that we /have/ seen Jake’s dirty thoughts, in the form of Jack’s display of overwhelming bloodlust. Violence is superimposed over the sexually explicit. 

Whether the scene literally takes place in Jake’s mind is secondary (though such a reading would explain why Jake’s brain ghost is even aware of Jack) -- the use of montage allows Jack’s actions to function as a /metaphor/ for Jake’s thought.

Another example of Jack functioning as a murderous/libidinous avatar would be the death of Mom and Dad. At their little tea party, Dad spills some wine on Mom’s clothes and declares that she must disrobe immediately (so that Dad might launder the garment). Mom calls the aromas wafting from his pipe sensuous. The two clasp hands and declare that all they need is eachother. Then they die! The joke is that while Bec Noir is ostensibly an interruption to date night, he also functions as its culmination, with murder acting as substitute for the sex act.

The link between violence and sexuality is perhaps a hard sell, but I hope to convince you that the reading holds merit. Let me emphasize that the very act of Mom and Dad holding hands was itself sexually loaded.

I owe to HS liveblogger elfstuck the insight that John’s linear 3 card sylladex is a reflection of his short attention span. Consider how John’s role as a game character means he is thrown all around his room, back and forth, as the player figures out what to make of the situation. If you ignore the fourth wall, you’re left with an extremely distracted person, who attention flows easily from one object to another. Accepting the object-in, object-out nature of John’s sylladex and the resulting shenanigans as a metaphor for this, it would follow that the sylladex in general can offer an abstract representation of thought.

In passing, I can mention how the enormity of Jake’s sylladex (it cannot even fit on the page, and contains an object that exceed most players’ size limits) would imply that despite evidence to the contrary, the boy likely has a big brain (and perhaps its being offscreen suggests Jakes own unawareness of much of his own thought). Dirk’s comment about avoiding items that are difficult to shoehorn into his mnemonic schema (4535) could be read as a difficulty maintaining information that doesn’t fit into his personal mental models. The sylladex becomes a metaphor for the mind that requires interpretation.

Under this mode of thought, the moments when Jade’s pictionary modus fails to correctly interpret her drawing become akin to a mental slip-of-the-tongue. For the Tanglebuddies to be misread as enmeshed hands implies an association, in Jade’s mind, of horny Squiddles and clasped hands. John affirms the association much later by miming Tanglebuddies as he attempts to grapple with the question of whether Jade and Davesprite are sexually compatible (5294):

JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?

JADE: what do you mean 

JOHN: i mean... JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing. 

JADE: uh JADE: so 

JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade! 

JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!! 

JOHN: i'm just saying... 

JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT! JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!

It should also be noted that before launching into her “daring dream”, waxing poetic on the miraculous union of the human and the animal with her hands clasped in wonder, Jade successfully captchalogued the Tanglebuddies (796). And more to the point, Jade’s pose in reproduced during discussions of cherub (5961) and leprechaun (6007) reproduction. Hand-holding becomes representative of an (oft-sexualized) union, underlining the euphemistic nature of Mom and Dad’s post-contact demise.

The next example of using montage to communicate thought requires a little more buildup.

There’s a gag in Rose’s introduction where the reader tells Rose to play with her writing journals, and scoots the journals under the bed and retorts that she would only do that if no one were watching (220). At first glance, the moment scans as a minor meta joke in a story filled with meta jokes -- but the trick is that Rose does not /know/ herself to be a video game character, her every movement controlled and observed. Rather, she /believes/ this to be true -- the joke about being watched establishes that Rose is paranoid, as will become apparent in the hostility she assigns to Mom’s every action.

The command prompt and narration are themselves brain ghosts of a sort: the voice deployed in them is always linked to the present point-of-view character. The insults that precede character introductions ( “Zoosmell Pooplord”, etc) become marks of anxiety, an intrusive proclamation of what the kids at times think of themselves (and/or what they think others think of them). “Nice time management skills, sweetheart!” becomes a bit of self-deprecation Rose as she procrastinates, which Rose experiences as having been voiced by some objective observer who judges her deficiencies.

A blurred line divides characters from the voice at the back of their head, belonging to the (presumed) omniscient, omnipotent author-god. This is why avatar!Hussie is dressed as Calliope when he is killed by Lord English. Both Calliope and Hussie are a voice in Caliborn’s head, and thus both present apparent obstacles to an unmediated self.

The left panel (3219) foreshadows the right (3358). Gamzee is not being declared the objectively most important character in Homestuck. Rather, Gamzee is declaring himself /to have been declared/ the most important character in the story. The line establishes that Gamzee believes himself to be in a story (with an author!) and that this author has declared him paramount. Furthermore, “fondly regarding creation” is an modus operandi of Problem Sleuth’s Godhead Pickle Inspector. Applying that turn of phrase to Gamzee’s actions further establishes that Gamzee believes himself to /be/ the god-author declaring his own importance. So it should come as no surprise that 137 pages later, Gamzee outright proclaims himself to be the god(s) he worships.

Going back to montage, it becomes interesting that this snapshot of Gamzee’s megalomania is inter-cut with the creation of Jadesprite -- the moment that dead!dream!Jade merges with Bec, forming a unity with a deity not unlike the unity Gamzee claims with his mirthful messiahs. The interweaving would suggest that Jade and/or Jadesprite experienced analogous thoughts of megalomania upon the moment of ascension.

This would be a good point to mention that not only imps and ogres, but trolls also function as manifestations for the people they impose upon. Karkat is not only an interruption here, but also a continuation. He points out that Jade’s self-loathing, that she cannot safely distance herself from the qualities of Jadesprite she finds distasteful. This is precisely why Karkat ends the conversation by telling Jade to turn off the fourth wall (which divides the self!), as well as the reason he imagines Jade making out with herself: Karkat is on every front presenting the prospect of union with oneself.

The notion of trolls as manifestations first emerges clearly when Rose and Dave receive their packages from John. As they finish reading John’s letter, each is suddenly contacted by a troll and greeted with the command “Answer.” Critically, by word alone it is ambiguous as to whether the command refers to answering the troll or the letter. And as it turns out, these answer occur simultaneously: Rose and Dave’s responses to the letters are embedded in the subsequent conversations. 

Rose receives a letter poking fun at her pretensions, claiming that her attempts to hide her affections for people are futile. In response we get Kanaya, who imperiously proclaims her disdain for Rose, only to suddenly change tact and explicitly seek Rose’s friendship, an entreaty which the oft paranoid Rose accepts. Dave receives a letter imploring him to let go of his insecurities and express himself. In response we get Tavros, the very picture of insecurity, who is fixated on the idea of making Dave shit himself (as part of an ‘emotional constipation’ motif that follows Dave). And Dave complies, in a sense, by way of the quasi-ironic gay treatise that compels Tavros to block him. Each conversation addresses the issues laid out in John’s letter.

Examples can be found throughout the comic. Equius remarking that he talks to Gamzee every day (2220) establishes that Gamzee is regularly haunted by the thoughts of domination that Equius voices -- both in the literal and metaphorical sense. Erisolsprite referring to Dirk as a rock 2oliid piiece of a22 and then calling himself 2ociiopathiic for even thinking something so callous (5516) expresses a conflict already present in Jake’s own mind, echoing the frustration with his own dirty thoughts expressed by the argument with brainghost!Dirk. Feferi’s pronounced enthusiasm for the imminent apocalypse should cause you to question Kanaya’s seemingly neutral resignation towards the end of the world, since Feferi manifests for Kanaya (2328). And so on.

The person being trolled is always being confronted with thoughts or feelings or memories already present within themself. Alien contact always doubles as a brain ghost haunting.

Another example, with some buildup: Karkat invokes the phrase “PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK” to express his contempt for Vriska, and on subsequent pages we see Feferi pointing her culling fork at a cuttlefish (2181), as if to suggest that the creature symbolizes the bone bulge. Fast forward to Kanaya, who has just gotten through a conversation with Vriska and finds herself haunted by Eridan, who keeps going on about his romantic desperations and insisting (correctly) that Kanaya’s crush on Vriska is itself romantic. That his notification erupts from an image of cuttlefish held at Kanaya’s waist adds to the air of yearning, as though her own bulge is rumbling. The scene is capped off with a double entendre: “its hard and nobody understands” is playfully poignant jab at an inability to understand one’s own desires (among other things). 

And Homestuck devotes a lot of attention to desire.

It’s long been acknowledged by the fandom at large that Kanaya’s attraction to Light players functions as a joke on the proverbial moth-to-the-flame. As reconciliation with the fire destroys the moth, there’s a morbid tinge to the attraction, as though it doubles as a death wish. And the wish is granted -- when Kanaya dies in Homestuck, she dies to light, either from Eridan’s wand or the laser blasts unleashed by HIC. Even the death of Kanaya’s lusus pertains to light -- the matriorb ripped from her innards is shaped like a miniature sun, as if to establish some loose link between the notion of motherhood and the incandescence Kanaya eventually achieves.

This can be generalized into a principle wherein lusii (and the circumstances of their deaths!) can functions as analogies for the desire of the wards.

Vriska, for example, desires execution. When offering Terezi a flimsy apology for crippling Tavros and proxy-murdering Aradia, Vriska offers to slam her head against her desk in penitence. This moment should be read against Vriska’s addiction to breaking 8 balls, and leaving the broken shards lying around as though she’s inviting the “bad luck” of stepping on them. It /is/ an invitation. Vriska seeks love via violent retribution against herself. This is why in the right panel, Vriska’s blood-spattered head is juxtaposed with a broken 8 ball: the blood came from Spidermom’s execution (which characterizes Vriska’s desire), and motif of 8R8K H34DS connects the moment to Vriska’s idea of apology.

Like Kanaya, Vriska (to a degree) seems to structure her love life along these lines. In the words of @azdoine:

like ppl are actually out here writing Vriska as the top as if her entire Act 5 character arc isn’t about bratting out until Terezi has no choice but to punish her

“oh noo, I, the thief of light, stole all of your luck, and made the coin land on the scratched side! now you have to kill me! but I’m probably going to get away with everything, because you don’t have the guts to stab me with that sword of yours!!!!!!!! if only there was somebody, like you, who could prove me wrong!”

EXTREMELY SUBTLE THERE, VRISKA

Vriska’s approach to wooing Tavros also revolves around baiting execution:

The scene: Tavros leads a horde of imps and ogres into a mystery cave, the top of which is adorned with kissing lizards and an alchemical symbol. Tavros is putting a puzzle of a frog together, but Vriska has already pieced together the puzzle: making a frog universe is, in part, a cipher for personal reproduction. The Ultimate Alchemy is making a baby! And as Vriska says, “real gamers cut to the chase. They power through all the nonsense and go for the gold.” So she brings Tavros to LOMAT and makes the moves on him.

Tavros is equated to a treasure chest by the repeated use of framing and Vriska is GOING FOR THE GOLD, like a WINNER. Tavros later reaches into the same chest for his lance before heading off to attempt to kill Vriska -- affirming that the treasure Vriska seeks here is Tavros’s “lance”.

This setup was suggested by the conversation accompanying the kissing salamanders: Vriska gives Tavros a map with a big red X, saying he should take his legion of imps through the gate and go defeat his denizen. The gate actually leads to Vriska, but she isn’t lying. She is positioning herself to be Tavros’s final boss. The imps are manifestations of Tavros’s pent up rage (much of which was generated by Vriska’s harassment), and Vriska wants Tavros to take that anger out on her. Hence the later panel which uses Vriska’s boots to place a big red X directly over her groin, making explicit the implicit goal of Tavros’s trip to the windmill X-gate.

This pursuit of love through violent comeuppance may have something to do with Vriska’s bitter disappointment that ghost!Aradia did not seem to hate her.

An intermission/introduction of sorts, as we bridge from one discussion of desire to another: did you know that Michael Bay’s Armageddon (1998) structures itself in part around Freud’s Oedipus complex? I say this in total sincerity.

The plot: a meteor the size of Texas bears down upon the Earth, threatening armageddon. Luckily, a crew of rough-and-tumble oil drillers are ready to fly into space and split that mother in two. Oh HELL yeah.

Except, wait, the movie’s actually about family drama: Bruce Willis finds Ben Affleck sleeping with his daughter Liv Tyler; Willis proceeds to chase Affleck around the oil rig with a shotgun, bang bang bang. Not Allowed. The Protective-Father-Hates-Your-Boyfriend dynamic is presented as an Oedipal triad of sorts: although Tyler is not literally Affleck’s mother, she performs the mom-function of “forbidden object of desire” -- and Willis opening fire is equivalent to the castration said to await trespassers onto maternal soil.

The above reading is buttressed by jokes: Armageddon appears to function within an implicit dream machine, such that the characters’ thoughts and fears can become manifest in their environment. So when it comes to pass that whenever  Affleck climbs into a hole (heehee), a pipe breaks (hoohoo), and suddenly everything goes boom, I read that as Affleck reliving the consequences of boning Tyler, packaged in such a way that the Freudian fear of castration is more explicit. (The relevance of Oedipus to the proceedings adds some humor to Steve Buscemi declaring the entire disastrous situation a “Greek tragedy”)

At any rate, after some shenanigans, Willis comes to accept Affleck’s claim to his daughter and confers the deed, as it were. Willis gives the young couple his blessing and they get married. Hooray!

Except, wait, the movie’s actually about the perpetuation of the oil industry: the dream machine was declared at the beginning of the movie when a petty street-side argument triggered the first barrage of meteors. The meteor the size of Texas (aka Dotty) is triggered by conflicts that haunt the central cast -- namely Willis, who enters the film hitting golf balls at a Green Peace boat. On a metaphorical level, Dotty is a golf ball the size of Texas, striking directly at the Earth instead its self-declared representatives. There’s a certain irony here: the film lampshades that the men who are destroying the world have been tasked with saving it.

The family drama folds into the environmentalist angle: Liv Tyler is a symbol of the earth (which gets drilled). This is the joke when Affleck is bouncing animal crackers around on her belly like she’s host to the Savannah: she kind of is! It’s no coincidence that Willis confers ownership of the oil rig at the same moment that he offers his daughter’s hand in marriage: the motifs are being discussed simultaneously.

But enough of all of that: back to Homestuck.

Armageddon’s simultaneous casting of Liv Tyler into the roles of earth and mother offers a glimpse at the interpretive possibilities made available by Hussie’s statement that Homestuck is in a way a synonym for Earthbound (an RPG in which “homesickness” is a status ailment which can be cured by calling your mom). Stuckness or boundness can be deployed to communicate a sense of longing for “home”.

A good chunk of Homestuck is built upon feelings of nostalgia, taken to mean a sort of intense separation anxiety with the past. John speaks about this when he watches Con Air with Jade – John wants the movie to feel like it did when he watched it with his Dad long ago, but the feeling from when he was a kid is gone. This upsets him. Moreover, John’s freakout starts at the moment Cyrus puts a gun to the bunny’s head (5286): Con Air itself is partly about Nic Cage trying to return to the life he lost when he went to jail, and ‘putting the bunny back in the box’ is a metaphor for the attempt. Cyrus, in threatening the bunny, is highlighting his role as a force preventing things from going back to how they were. Thus, if we are to believe that John is responding to the movie thematically, Cyrus confronts John with his own inability to go back to a happier past – his inability to go home -- and this recognition is met with anger.

In making the leap to the psychoanalytic motifs, it helps to recall the part where baby!Dirk responds to being born by cracking open his ectotube and crawling back inside. Dirk, who aspires towards his “ultimate self”, illustrates here that he envisions his ascension as a return to the ‘essence’ of Dirk from which he (and all other iterations of himself) arose, as represented by the ectoslime. Baby!Dirk gestures at unity with his ectoslime/essence by crawling back into the place from which he was born, which I’m basically claiming is a “return to the womb” on a symbolic level, or at least that this is a useful parallel to draw. (A related motif to think about: Dirk decapitates himself by sticking his head inside a box, which as per Con Air symbolizes the place you wish to return to)

[Hella Jeff sez: “i took (my pants) off because i was banging your mom for a minute there..... AND NOW YOU ARE BANGING HER”]

Castration becomes unavoidable as you try to relate all of this to Dave, whose occasional references to banging hot moms are part of an ongoing reference to the Oedipus Complex. Critically, the complex is not /just/ about wanting to bone your mom, but also fear that your dad will chop your junk off if you do. The breaking of Dave’s sword on the rooftop is a realization of this fear (yes, we’re doing the “swords are phallic” thing). But Dave has no mom that he knows of, so what gives? 

The answer is in the way Bro inexplicably breaks the record emblem on Dave’s t-shirt, as though he has introduced a fissure into Dave’s very identity. Life with Bro has made it very difficult for Dave to be honest with himself, which is to say, Dave pictures Bro’s abuse as having divided him from an ideal “true self”, which can feel emotions without all the anxious ironic detachment. I mentioned before that seeking unity with that from which you came is a “return to the womb”. This is the sense in which the Oedipal mom attraction becomes relevant: the return to the past is sexualized. The ‘home’ Dave wishes to return to is /himself/, and in this sense Dave is his own hot mom (which is related to how often Dave compliments his own looks, as well as the above gif suggesting Dave’s boner – he is literally/metaphorically “attracted” to himself).

(Incidentally: this model of desire, in which a broken subject attempt to become whole again by seeking out its lost half, is basically the concept of the soulmate, as laid out by Plato. Cherub reproduction turns the metaphysical pursuit of one’s lost half into a plot-level objective)

John’s entry item (apple) was linked to fear embodied in a childhood trauma (the Fall), and the same can be said of Dave. Hatching from the shell that contained your primordial goop (Dirk) is analogous to being violently separated from yourself (Dave), which is why Dave’s entry item (an egg) hatching coincided with Bro slicing the meteor in half: the abuse that divided Dave from himself, his “castration” by Bro, is simultaneously the “birth” that separated Dave from his “mother” (which is also Dave).

The general idea is that birth = self-alienation = castration, insofar as all are depicted as modes of being separated from oneself.

The broad motif of ‘being separated from oneself’ can be very useful for identifying brain ghosts in unexpected places. Take for example, Roxy’s fenestrated planes: when they are introduced the narrative is quick to tell us that if someone were caught half in/out of one of the windows when the power cuts out, they would be sliced in half. By the rule of Chekhov’s gun, this introduction should mean we should eventually see someone get gorily bisected by the window, but alas we never do. 

Instead, when Gcat warped the panel away, trapping Roxy between the windows, we were shown the image of a bisected horse puppet in Dirk’s apartment, This signals that Chekhov’s gun has indeed gone off. But rather than splitting a body, it split a soul: Meenah’s introduction follows the sequence because Roxy has generated a shadow of herself, a doppelganger. This is not without precedent: an earlier portion of this post was devoted to exploring the fourth wall as a mode of self-alienation. Roxy’s panel mishap can be considered part of that pattern.

If Meenah functions as an extension of Roxy, all of her actions can be read as bearing some relations to Roxy’s own latent thoughts and desires. Prior to the epilogues, for example, Meenah imploring John not to give her the ring seemed to be yet another Fuck You to the late Chekov: the issue never comes up again. But a psychic link between Meenah and Roxy would suggest that John broke his promise to Meenah by giving the ring to Roxy, and that whatever motivations compelled Meenah to make her request in the first place would also apply to Roxy.

Decapitation is yet another mode of self-alienation, and thus can be construed as a mode of birth. Hence the image of Lil Sebastian hatching from his shell of taxidermied man meat. That’s a motif unto itself, but what I wish to call attention to is the match-cut from John’s broke body to Jake’s broken tower. The juxtaposition collapses the images into metaphor, such that Jake’s loose dome in the woods becomes a decapitated head -- an appropriate addition to the pumpkin patch it rests in, given all the Headless Horseman jokes. We can look to Dirk for for another example of a headless horse-man of the house echoing the head: for a guy who idealizes decapitation to such a degree, it is striking that Sburb aims to provoke him by reattaching his beheaded apartment to its underlying units.

Houses act as metaphors for heads, then “Homestuck” could also interpreted as “head trapped” -- like the title emphasizes confinement within one’s own mind. Such a reading offers up Failure to Launch and Arrested Development (posters on John and Jane’s walls) as alternate synonyms for Homestuck, as each satirizes (or outright mocks) potential failure states in the process of inter-personal and mental development (ie “growing up”). Like Earthbound, both lean on a sense of homesickness in characterizing despondency, as though characters are haunted by the needs that defined their childhood -- or else find themselves needing that childhood itself.

But collapsing nostalgia into infantile regression is far from the only way to approach the house/heads equation. One might read the transformation and growth of houses with Sburb as metaphors for expanding the mind. One might infer that the choreography of events within houses can map out thoughts like dancing bees. One might take the metaphor as a foothold for interpreting the significance of the Sburb logo being at once a house and a window. \I have my own thoughts about Homestuck’s brain-ghost haunted house-minds, but for now, I only hope that this document has raised some interesting questions -- and ideally, that the interpretive approaches I’ve described might be useful in seeking answers.

[elliot-orion]

Can you answer 1, 5, and 44 for all those characters you mentioned?

heck yea! thanks! this is going to get very long tho so brace yourselves lol. I’m going to do them grouped by characters.

Ben

1. What is one word to shut them up?

I’m going to assume this means like a word that gets them to stop talking for a not so great reason and not just “quiet!” but i might be wrong and just be in the mood for some angst. For Ben, it’s kind of moot because they don’t talk, but saying anything at all with an angry tone would definitely get them to freeze up.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear.

Oh my god you have no idea how perfect this question is because fear is a Huge aspect of this story considering Ben is Nightmare and their powers completely revolve around fear. Ok so, surface fear is sleeping, which has a very not surface level reason, but i’d still count it. They will do fucking anything to not sleep (tho funny enough they don’t drink caffeine, it sends their powers all wack). A repressed fear... hmm im not sure if this means like a fear they don’t acknowledge or fear that they have but don't know the reason for. I’m going to go with it just being a slightly less bad but still big fear, and/or something they don’t know the reason for but still are afraid of if i can think of something. So for repressed fear, it’d be showing their wrists. They don’t know why it’s so anxiety provoking for them, they never cut and their only bad scars are on their neck not their wrists, but if they aren’t wearing long sleeves or dont have bracelets covering their wrists then they get antsy and anxious. For Deep Dark Fear, i could list just about any of the fears Carter left them with, sure, but the Carter shit really falls under the “trauma” category rather than simple “fear” category since the reason they are afraid of shit like making noise and people being mad is because of their trauma. So i’m going to go with their powers. Their powers scare the shit out of them, partially bc they literally see and hear everyone’s worst nightmares whenever they are near someone. they are constantly surrounded by fear and always have been. that’s fucking awful honestly. but also bc when THEY get scared, other people suffer since they are an empathetic type. and they dont want to hurt anyone. So... yea.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

We’re back to the sleep thing here. god this kid needs a five day nap, they are always exhausted. But dreams are Carter’s domain, and if they sleep, he can find them, hurt them, whatever he wants. So they can’t, not until Carter is gone.

Oliver

1. What is one word to shut them up? 

Ollie has a few words/phrases that almost always will send them into the past at some point. “Duck!” or “Grenade!” or anything that might be shouted on a battlefield, certain quotes from historical figures, some names or dates, stuff like that. He goes nonverbal when he’s particularly lost, so that’s a surefire way to get him to shut up.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear. 

Ok so, surface-level is ovens. He will not use an oven, or any microwaves, or any kitchen appliances that could start a fire. He also refuses to take a bath and prefers someone being in the other room when he takes showers. This is 100% because he gets lost in time so easily that he’ll forget what’s going on in the present time. I cannot stress to you how many times this kid has almost set his house on fire bc he got lost in 1620 and forgot he had the oven on. Baths usually make him head back to a time with lots of water, be it in the middle of a fucking ocean or during a flood or whatever, and he hates that bc usually, he doesn’t show up in a nice safe place and he’ll feel exactly like he’s drowning even if he isn’t physically drowning. Showers he slips a lot in for similar reasons, hence why he prefers someone who’s listening nearby. For repressed fear, he’s afraid of dying, even if he acts fine with it. No one acknowledges it besides the other Elementals, but Oliver is the Time Elemental. Time isn’t a recognized Element, but the Elementals just Know. Even though he’s just 18, he’s only got a few years left, and he’s just got to put on a brave face bc there’s not much he can do about it. For Deep Dark Fear, he’s terrified of losing the remaining time he’s got left. Even though he’s only 18, because of PlotTM, he’s only got a couple of years before he burns up, and he’s terrified to lose it.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t? 

Watch documentaries. Funnily enough, Ollie is a massive history nerd, always has been, and he used to watch a ton of documentaries before he got his powers. But even nature or space ones will inevitably make him forget when he is, and so he can’t watch any. He also can’t read any historical fiction books (which sucked when he was younger, his favorite book series had been the Magic Treehouse) for a similar reason. He can read history textbooks, though, since they just list facts and dont show footage or make it seem like it IS that time. 

Morty

1. What is one word to shut them up?

hmm. tricky... Let’s go with Hotspot. If you’ve read sparks fly, you get why.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear. 

Surface level is probably dogs. He’s been attacked by multiple dogs, multiple times since most animals don't vibe with his whole dark aura of death thing. But getting attacked by dogs is the one that stuck most. He gets nervous around Ollie’s service dog, Edison, but Edison is so well trained he just doesn’t care and being near him actually helps Morty with that fear. Repressed fear is definitely death. Which yea, i know, that’s weird considering he’s the death elemental but hear me out. 1 unlike sparky who gets overwhelmed by too much electricity, Morty gets basically drunk when he’s around too much death. Hospitals, battlefields, large graveyards, etc, and the thing is, he loves that feeling. and it scares him how much he loves it, partially bc he knows what the last death elemental was like and doesn't want to be like them (for reference, the guy went on a mass murder spree and started a couple of civil wars since the death elemental will live until the high rates of death stop, even if it’s past when Elementals normally die and you know they didn’t want to die). 2 Morty’s very existence is a sign that mass death is coming but there are no wars going on and that scares the shit out of him. 3 One Eye literally planted the fear of his powers, killing, and death in his mind to try and limit the damage he could cause and to prevent another situation like the last death elemental. For Deep Dark Fear, Morty is terrified that he can’t trust his own memories or even what he knows about himself. One Eye manipulated his memories and mind so so much and for so long. Morty’s always doubting what he knows and what he believes bc its not like One Eye HASNT planted shit, and he’s always on edge bc he doesnt even feel safe in his own damn mind.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

As of the start of the story? Be with Ben. For most of the time the two have known each other, they were online friends, until they both ran away together when they were 17. But about 4 months ago Morty left to go back to the SA headquarters, even though it’s literally part of his biggest fear to go back, because Ben was facing a double threat of either Carter getting them, or the SA, and Morty is determined to get the SA to leave them alone (ok technically the Supers Association and Heroes do leave them alone bc One Eye is scared shitless of Ben, but they send assassins like Scout and Hall after them all the fuckin time, and not all of them have sorta morals like the triad). In general tho, hear Ben’s voice. He just wants Ben to feel safe. (Morty is a fucking romantic no matter how tough he likes to act i swear)

I’ve got to do my interview now and this post is long enough as is, so I’ll do the same questions for Matty and Blue afterwards!! thanks!!

[tiffersthenerdyficrecs]

I Don’t Have A Place For These Yet- My Hero Academia

(*) Indicates my most suggested reads.

The Deaf Hero: Deku by BeyondTheClouds777

Rating: General Audiences Category: Gen Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Iida Tenya & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Kirishima Eijirou, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Sign Language, Parental Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Dad Might, Written By An ASL Student, Deaf Izuku, Deaf Deku, Izuku Is Still Precious But He's Also a Savage, Sassy Midoriya Izuku, Savage Midoriya Izuku, Deaf Character, Izuku is a Precious Spicy Cinnamon Roll, Platonic Relationships, The Izuku Protection Squad Is Still a Thing Even Though Izuku Doesn't Really Need Protecting, Queerplatonic Tododeku Summary: His whole life, Izuku was told that he couldn’t do it. That he should give up while he still had the chance. That someone like him—Deaf, Quirkless—could never become a hero.

But Izuku wasn’t going to give up. Not now and not ever.

(OR, the one where nearly everything's the same, but Izuku is Deaf.)

Stolen Sense by AiaPhoenix *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Category: Gen Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Deaf Midoriya Izuku, Mute Midoriya Izuku, Blind Midoriya Izuku, but not really idk, Midoriya Izuku Has One for All Quirk Summary: Midoriya Izuku was an interesting individual, whose quirk was not to be joked about.

Everyday, he loses one 'sense' and his others are strengthened because of that. The greater the price, the more he gets in return.

His quirk had great disadvantages, sure, but there were advantages too, right?

Symbol of Love by Indrel(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Categories: M/M, Multi Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Inko/Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Class 1-A & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Everyone, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), League of Villains (My Hero Academia), basically everyone from canon, some oc's of little importance Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Has One for All Quirk, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Really really slow burn, Parental Yagi Toshinori | All Might, BAMF Midoriya Inko, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Villain Midoriya Hisashi, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Not Beta Read, Tags May Change, Tags Are Hard, Serious Injuries, Past Abuse, Bullying, POV Alternating, Angst, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, Platonic Relationships Summary: Izuku was proclaimed practically quirkless at the age of four. The error is discovered four years later when his mother gets caught in a fire. Terrified at losing his mother Izuku’s quirk activates and he saves her life, but not without a cost.

His quirk allows him to protect the people he loves and with it he manages to get All Might’s attention. When they get caught in a villain attack he proves his heroism and at the age of eight All Might becomes his mentor - and father figure.

The threat of villains is always hanging over his head and the lives of his loved ones are constantly in danger. But with his own quirk and with One for All Izuku will fight to become stronger and overcome everything in his path to become the greatest hero.

This is the story of how Izuku became the Symbol of Love.

One Cool Cat by NotYourGoat(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Not Rated Relationships: Todoroki Shouto and an adorable kitten, Todoroki Shouto/Happiness Characters: Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Midoriya Izuku, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Original Feline Characters Additional Tags: as in the only original characters here are cats, Cats, Happy, Just Add Kittens, Depressed Todoroki Shouto, but big happy, Todoroki Shouto-centric, anything that isnt Big Happy right from the start will very soon become Big Happy, if its not Big Happy right away ill try to keep it comical til it becomes Big Happy, but there's little to nothing overtly unhappy!!!, at least that's what im trying for, Fluff and Humor, i guess, Fluff Summary: There was one kitten in particular that stood out to Todoroki. It had an unusual coloring on its face. The right side was an orangey-gold color and the left was black, and it was split right down the middle, almost as if someone had smooshed two cats together. He stared at the little animal and it looked back up at him. OR: todoroki gets one of those cats w the split lookin faces

Walk in My Shoes for a Day by virifanfic

Rating: General Audiences Category: Multi Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Kaminari Denki & Kirishima Eijirou, Bakugou Katsuki & Class 1-A Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Bakugou Mitsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Ashido Mina Additional Tags: Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Bakugou Katsuki hit by a quirk, bakugou redemption, Protect these children Summary: Bakugou gets hit by a quirk that causes him to feel the things that those around him feel.

All aboard the feelings train Choo choo

Split by birdpuns *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Midoriya Inko & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochako, Midoriya Izuku & Toogata Mirio, Midoriya Izuku & Everyone Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Toogata Mirio, Midoriya Inko, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Bakugou Katsuki, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Have One for All Quirk, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Tags Are Hard, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary: It's amazing how much a few small things can change a person. It's even more amazing how little actually changes, in the end.

When Izuku Midoriya quite literally stumbled upon his quirk, he was thrilled. But the excitement wore off pretty quickly when his only friend, his teachers and classmates, and even his own mother seemed to think he'd have been better off without a quirk at all. And for a while, he started to think that maybe they were right; his quirk was strange and hard to use for combat, unlike his friend's, and could put him in a lot of danger if he wasn't careful. But then he met another boy with an equally strange, hard to use quirk who was undoubtedly going to become a Pro Hero one day, and Izuku decided he wouldn't let his own quirk stand in his way either.

(Or, Izuku Midoriya finds a way to be Izuku Midoriya no matter the circumstances.)

It’s Silent Underwater by Shoutosobah(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M, M/M Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Midoriya Izuku & Original Character(s), Midoriya Izuku & Everyone, Midoriya Izuku & Tsukauchi Naomasa, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Original Characters, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou Additional Tags: Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Needs A Hug, Midoriya Izuku Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Swimming Pools, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Drowning, Swimming, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Dadzawa, Slow burn tododeku, tododeku - Freeform, Dead Midoriya Inko, Hurt/Comfort, Foster Care, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Have One for All Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Go to U.A. High School, not necessarily, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Anxious Midoriya Izuku, What Even Is Canon In This Story, What Was I Thinking?, Slow To Update, Parental Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Character Death, Eventual Relationships, Dark Comedy, i guess lol, can't write a story without having some comedic qualities amirite? Summary: Considering Izuku didn't have a quirk in which you could call 'humane', he could never really imagine the lifestyle where he could be a hero. He could never stoop so low as to become a villain either. So I guess he's just...there. Living as an abnormal civilian who has also been considered like a son to Aizawa Shouta. Though he would never trade anything in the world when it came to his legal guardian,

Izuku really can't stand his own quirk. He’d do anything in his will power never to have to hear it again.

Rooftop Revelations by What_Is_Sleep_T_T *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Mature Archive Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Midoriya Inko & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Hisashi/Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Izuku & Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Midoriya Izuku, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Hisashi, Eri (My Hero Academia), Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), UA teachers - Character, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Additional Tags: Bad Parent Midoriya Inko, Inko is delusional, Inko is a helicopter mom, Desperate Inko, Dadzawa, Aizawa is Best Dad, Eri is best little sister, OC, OOC, I am not a psychiatrist, Laws are not real life laws, Aizawa takes Izuku from Inko, Everyone wants to help Inko, Inko makes things hard, teenagers being teenagers, No Beta, Anxiety, Depression, talks of suicide, Talks of murder, Triggers, dissorders, I am not a doctor, I am not a lawyer, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Abuse, Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse, Aizawa Shouta’s bad parents, Yamada Hizashi’s good parents, Shouta and Hizashi are brothers, Profanity, Puberty, Natural male body reactions, ace/aro, Sexual Abuse Summary: “Eraserhead!” the high pitched voice of one of the many security robots that traversed the school, called over the speaker in his room. “Student on the roof of the dorm! Its passed curfew! Deal with it!” The alarm ended, thankfully, once the robot made its announcement. Sighing and rubbing the back of his neck in agitation, Shouta reached for his phone to check the time. Clicking his phone on, the time revealed it to be 2:00 in the morning! Obviously he wasn’t the only one who should have been asleep in bed.

Grabbing his capture weapon from the hook on his door, he quickly left his apartment and made his way to the roof.

*I swear if I find Tokoyami and Dark Shadow screaming into the void, I will throw them into the void!* Shouta thought to himself as he pushed open the roof top door.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness outside, and when they did he felt his blood run cold with fear. Sitting on the edge of the roof looking down was none other than his number one problem child, Midoriya Izuku. What alarmed him even more was the soft sniffles and whimpering sounds coming from the boy.

Lost and Found by Andai

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Class 1-A & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Hisashi & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Hisashi, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Midoriya Hisashi returns, Midoriya Hisashi's Bad Parenting, Protective Todoroki Shouto, Protective Class 1-A, protective Aizawa, Protective All Might, protective dads, protective friends, Dadzawa, dadmight, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Class 1-A is one big family and you can't change my mind, Alternate Universe - Mineta Minoru Doesn't Exist Summary: “That kid that I watched almost win against Endeavor’s son in the Sports Festival - the one you failed to adequately protect in the USJ attack, if I’m not mistaken -” Aizawa tensed at Hisashi’s words as the man continued, “- that kid is mine, not yours.”

“Wrong,” Shouta responded simply, continuing before the aghast man in front of him could spew out any more bullshit. “Look at ‘your’ kid right now,” Aizawa said, pointedly looking back towards where Izuku was trembling, surrounded by half the class and counting, all their faces displaying worry for Izuku, contempt for Hisashi, or some mixture of the two. “Look at that kid right now,” Aizawa spat at Hisashi, “And tell me he’s still yours.”

Long Sleeves by loveatfirstsight(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Category: M/M Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Shinsou Hitoshi, Todoroki Shouto, Uraraka Ochako, a lot of bnha people basically Additional Tags: trigger warning, ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS, Self-Harm, Therapy, Depressed Midoriya Izuku, florist! izuku, cop! bakugou, Angst with a Happy Ending, this is gonna be an emotional journey, Slow Build, There will be a lot of smut eventually, I'll add more tags along the way, POV Bakugou Katsuki, POV Midoriya Izuku Summary: Katsuki was raised on the belief that one has to be the strongest to make it in this world. Other people are a waste of time, minor distractions, focus should be left to being the best at whatever he does. The violence at home shaped him into more than a beast than a person, relying on his instincts and others' fear to make it by. Weakness was to be eliminated by all means necessary. He makes his way through life like a meteor, burning through obstacles and landing himself a place at an esteemed Police Academy. He only realizes the consequences of living the way he has when an incident leaves him powerless, something he hadn't thought possible, and begins the painful journey towards recovery.

Izuku was raised on the belief that no matter what he did, it would never amount to anything. His mother never believed in him, his father out of the picture, the only person who believed in him was himself. A victim of bullying, life took its time tearing apart his dreams, his hope, until he was left with nothing. He hides away at home, taking better care of his potted plants than himself. After an incident he begins seeing a therapist, and bumps into a childhood friend he thought he'd never see again.

[that-ghost-in-the-corner]

Eric derekson and chase Brody #22 (two miserable people meeting at a wedding. Eric is sad because he hasn’t found anyone to love yet and Chase is sad cause he lost the one he loved (and the kids) and when they come together it’s just the two of them being self deprecating but trying to get the other not to be. Eric is always anxious and talking about how he’s stupid and messed up and Chase is just being a genzkid in an adult divorced body OR IT CAN BE SMTHN ELSE IM NOT FORCING YOU TO DO THIS

IM SO SORRY I JUST SAW THIS :( also sorry if its really bad :/ XD and ig i wanted to do this XD sorry if i went off course tho ;-;

It hadn’t started as instant therapy, but somehow it turned into that.

neither of them had been feeling good about anything, even though its a wedding and its supposed to be a joyous time of 2 people proclaiming their love for one another. Specifically Wilford’s wedding, so everything was pink and yellow.

Eric had been walking around the after party, and had accidentally drifted toward the fan. There he met Chase Brody, where that frown did not fit that gorgeous face. Chase felt a eyes on him so he turned and looked at Eric. Eric's face somehow got more red and he looked away rather hurriedly. Chase tapped Eric’s shoulder and smiled when he turned back. God that smile fit in perfectly with that face. Eric blushed so heavily he was confused how there was still blood left in the rest of his body.

“So whats your name Mr. Tomato?” Chase asked with a tease in his voice.

“ummm. i-it’s uh e-Eric d-Derekson duh-dude...” He mentally kicked himself cause he may have just blew his chance with this ethereal man.

“So, Eric Derekson “dude” how do you know the bride and/or groom?” 

“He’s uh, he’s umm a f-friend of m-my dad-d.”

“Oh mood, he was a friend of... of... stacy” Tears start drowning his face, and Eric does the only thing he can do in this situation, he hugs him tight in an effort to help. 

“I’ve.. I’ve lost ev-everything...” chase mumbles between shudders.

“N-no you h-h-haven’t. Y-you s-still have your h-heavenly looks-s!” Eric said and blushed yet again.

The sobs seemed to stop for a second before continuing. “B-but you’re th-the one w-with the goo-ood looks...”

Eric didnt know how to respond to that. He had never been told he was good looking, let alone complimented before, so he had his complete doubts about that statement. 

“N-no you h-have to b-be, im j-j-just a d-dude with n-no legs-s. I’m n-not even c-close to y-your level..”

“B-but you ar-rent the l-living vers-sion of the s-spider-man and-and Unc-cle Ben’s r-rice meme..”

“Wha- what’s a m-meme?”

Chase stops and pulls away from the hug. his eyes and cheeks are tear stained but the tears have stopped. in their place is a face of confusion.

“You don’t know what a meme is?”

Eric did not like that expression, especially when it was pointed at him. he’d seen it so many times, he’d began to ignore it. but this one seemed different. it was pity, but a different kind. like it was something he could do, just hadn’t.

“N-no... C-could you t-t-tell me? Please?”

Chase laughed and oh god, it was wonderful to hear that laugh. 

- (1/2)

[ursoself-satisfying]

do you think eugene is maybe scared of long boat trips? i was thinking about it the other day, maybe he plans on going on holiday with his s/o and the only way to go abroad would be on a boat right? but maybe he would get a little (a lot? im not an expert on this) ptsd while being on the boat and his s/o supporting him but not fully understanding because lets be honest, no-one apart from the soldiers fully understand this sort of stuff, and maybe there's another veteran on-board who helps him?

Before we get into it I wanna say I totally agree n that unless u actually have experienced that ur rly not gonna understand what the person is going thru n this applies to all kinds of trauma but just bc u dont understand doesnt mean u cant do ur best to or that u cant still love support n help them handle it n it doesnt mean they're not gr8tful for ur involvement even if u dont understand,, writing for post war eugene is always tricky cus I dont wanna assume ik how any of this goes or the extent of what it entails i havent done this I've barely done any research its heartbreaking tho n unfair n I just wanted to say all that before u get into this cus it's a combo of both asks but also more of a touchy subject than I feel like I've addressed here so that's just a heads up but enjoy!!

Omg eugene my bby

I def think hes still afraid of boats big time,, so when the two of u decide to go abroad for ur honeymoon it's a big decision for u two to make one w lots of beforehand discussions n considering all ur other options but in the end the push of ur families n the pull of the convenience of a boat eases u both into the decision, even tho nothing about it u kno is going to be easy,, Eugene is p nervous cus I mean the nightmares have lessened n u both have been learning how to handle his flashbacks n the like but u had never tried anything like this yet so on one hand it could be a good time to test the waters but on the other hand neither of u have any idea how itll actually go

Even just in the car on the way there he starts to get shakey n then on the dock it gets a bit worse but ur hands r on him somehow the whole time either locked in his or on his leg or arm or stuck in his pocket n that comforts him, ur touch anchors him n keeps him from drifting to worse thoughts it keeps him thinking about u instead,, its till hard tho just thinking about it being back on that boat forcing himself to remember hes going to France n it's not occupied n hes not alone n hes going to get to see the sights w his wonderful wife n thoroughly enjoy those bright French mornings n that it's going to be quiet, no more bombs or raids or alarms just u n him under thin sheets hot n sticky n just together n safe

But first,, the boat

On the boat? It was rough,, every bit of turbulence n every odd sway made him anxious n as much as u tried to entice him to enjoy more of the boats activities like a cabaret show or even just playing some chess out on the deck n tho u could get him out a few times n he did enjoy himself,, he spent most of his time in the cabin trying to ignore the fact he was on a boat at all,, the rest of his time not being coaxed out by u he spent napping in a deck chair w u often lounging beside him n watching over his sleep carefully, also making sure he didnt burn n lathering her exposed skin in sunblock as much as u could as he slept

U two kept busy in the cabin tho I mean it was ur honeymoon after all ;;;))) so he ravaged u as often as he could bc not only were u a comfort but also a distraction,, u did other things as well tho like laying n listening to ur favourite radio shows or playing guitar to him or sketching him or dancing together or once even doing a silly little fashion show where he def tripped after putting on ur heels

He did have a few attacks tho but u had prepared as best u could n even if some of ur cabin took a beating in an outburst u had always managed to talk him down n he spent a lot of time in ur arms

His breakdowns btw would come suddenly when something would trigger him like a sudden movement or a splash against ur window n then he would get angry n scared n become protective of u until his aggression bubbled over into hot tears drowned out by ur soft words of confirmation trying to tell him u were on a modest cruise liner n u were going to Europe n that the guns n the bombs n the tropical climate were all far away n u would pull him into a cold shower w u n he would often (fuck u hard first then) just cling to u n cry until he could calm down n fall asleep n if he stirred in his sleep u would repeat the process until he could sleep soundly

He was gr8tful to finally be off the boat n back on land tho n once in Paris the two of u could rly enjoy ur honeymoon beginning w breaking in ur hotel bed ;;;)))

But then the two of u got to see the Eiffel Tower n the Seine n the Louvre n Notre dame n it was all so amazing!!!! U spent half the time w ur head in ur sketchbook n he spent all his time taking photos of u w ur head in ur sketchbook lol

The photos were brilliant n sweet n excessive n there were def a few of u bare n freshly fucked (pardon my french) w the Parisian skyline out the window behind u, the morning like shining thru ur messy hair like a halo,, but there were also many of him from the perspective of u kneeling over him n many more of both of u playfully holding up the tower or picnicking in front of a cathedral w u plucking at ur guitar or him w a bottle of wine at his lips

It was all v picturesque n romantic n perfect n u thought he deserved nothing less n he thought the same for u ::""))

U spent about 4 weeks there together n he had throughly used his time to fuck u in every way possible n use every toy u brought with but then it was suddenly time to go home n u were concerned about eugene being back on the boat but he seemed less nervous when u got on n he admitted to feeling a lot better after the first trip n this time he actually went out w u n u played board games w other passengers n danced in the halls n sang w the cabaret n he still sunbathed n napped n made love to u n wrecked ur cabin n u still listened to all ur radio shows n drew n sang but ur lives felt more full somehow after this experience

Oh n u def showed off everything u had bought is Paris n as much as he loved that silk dress on u he loved peeling it off u even more ;;;)))

He rly did feel better when u were finally home to ur little cottage for the first time together as a globetrotting married couple ::"")) he felt better that he hadnt handled it nearly as bad as hed expected n urs n his trip abroad left u feeling loved n cultured n more experienced in life plus u both had taken a huge chance n now u were better for it n felt more capable n confident that he was getting better n it was an affirmation that u would take care of him n that u would always be there for him, just as u had said in ur vows ::""))

He was happy to consummate ur new marriage in ur own bed for the first time tho lol n on top of that gr8 feeling it was just gr8 that he felt less held back w u there w him especially after the boat experience

So yeah a quick note I rly do think he would be terrified of ever stepping foot on a boat again n would refuse it n be vvv adamant about not doing it again for a vvv long time but I think he could be worn down n would EVENTUALLY be ok w it but maybe not this fast n tho I dont feel like I go into much detail here he def has a hard time on the boat as well like hes just agitated the whole time n probably was prescribed some medication for it if just some motion or sea sickness meds n maybe anxiety but i would say it prolly makes him drowsy so hes kinda out of it which keeps him calm but doesnt stop certain flashbacks n maybe he lashes out n hurts someone once in a while cus it's incredibly traumatic returning to that environment but anyway yeah he would be v fidgety n not like it but in this scenario hes willing to take a chance given how well hes been recovering n how much he trusts u n how much u have helped him n the option had pull so that's why but rly I dont think irl he would have gone back on a boat anywhere near that soon but this is romantic fiction so ::))

Also I have a v specific image of who eugene is w if u cant tell lol so I'm sorry for that specificity but I'm so whipped for him n his gal I lov sm I hope u enjoy n guys I'm so motivated to finally write out the storyline I have for him I'm gonna finally get out his fic ok I promise

[swearronchanel]

the durrells 4.01

Time to live tweet this b*tch but ya know on here, but it’s fun to be actually watching live (& from London!)

wow lowkey not ready for the start of the END 😰

Gerry is so grown I can’t take it, his voice is so much deeper

I love Larry omg he’s ridiculoUS 😂😂

“You are foreign!” LMAO LOUISA STOP

Keeley looks so pretty

I’m emo already I don’t want this to end I love the Durrells they are my family 😂

Basil always cracks me up just bc he’s weird

Louisa looking heartbroken, I can’t

Spiros leave ur wife challenge 2019

Like pls ..for the sake of MY sanity

“Pretty or dead” mood

Spiros looking just as heartbroken UGH

I’m going to cry I can’t take this

Why is Leslie shooting FRUIT Lmaoo

Omg the owl Keeley loves 😂

“Snoring, and farting,, they love to express themselves with their bodies” LMAO

baby Adonis is so big omg he’s not even a baby anymore

LMAOAOA FLORENCE’S HAIR LOOKING LIKE ME ON A SUMMER MORNING JSJS (my curls get bigger in the summer lmao & you know my morning mane)

So this is the guy who ends up being wanted? No shit he looks shady lmao

“He’s gotten very smutty” we been knew

Margo channeling her inner feminist , love it

Larry tryna be this guy’s friend and he’s not about it 😂

The suspicion grows & Larry knows something’s up

The mini house from Zoltan 😭

Sorry not sorry but Theo is so handsome

He could be my sugar daddy  😂

He’s a wanted man but for what ?

I can’t wait to go to Corfu in a few weeks omg

LMAO Leslie didn’t even try to be slick with it

And now he’s sucked in by this guy lol

He seems like a really bad con artist😂

Poor Leslie tho, Daphne really did him wrong 😭

so what did he do..

Margo just fucked up his hair LMAO

“Is it super to see me?”

Omg I forgot about louisa promising him 😂

Ok the owl sounds terrifying

Attempted murder oh shit 

Alright listen, I know it’s bad.. but.. trying to shoot a nazi isn’t that bad

*kylie jenner voice* “Is that a chicken!?”

Im so weak Margo gave it a new hairstyle 😂

Is Louisa going to mention that the cops are coming around tomorrow?

Basil’s shorts are still extra crispy LMAO I can’t

A WALRUS DAMN

Louisa hurting feelings out here but basil is annoying af so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I love that spiros trust them lol

“Not as sorry as I am” bye here goes my will to live

OH shit the old man snitched

RUN MARGO RUN

I need some white high waisted pants a la Louisa

“Where’s your search warrant?” 😂😂

What is the point of these dancers staying here tho?

“Well no you see I thrash about in bed” ok but me tho LMAO

PAINFULLY HONORABLE UGH WE KNOW LOUISA

I love that she defended spiros even tho that comment was from the day before

HE’S GONNA JUMP

Holy shit this is impressive

But also THIS IS MAKING ME SO ANXIOUS JSJSKS

HOW’D THEY PULL THIS OFF? LMAO OMG IM SHOOKETH

she cant even say spiros’ name without looking sad and it’s all making me sad

There’s only 15 mins left what the fUck how did that hour fly by

“Love makes us do crazy things” my heart

LMAO HE OFFERED TO TAKE OUT SPIROS WIFE

I lowkey thought about it

“I know he wants to be with ME..He should be rescuing me as well as you” HELP IM DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS

As the kids now at days say, that shit really hurted :///

like *damn* it hurt

Spiros showing up like a freaking knight in shinning armor, I can notttt

This isn’t fair, life isn’t fair 😭😭

Wants Larry up to?👀🤔

“Good vocabulary”😂

A salon in Corfu town, ok go Margo, we see u!

Larry’s moving out, again. Ya really just want Louisa and myself to die huh?

WE’LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK TO CONTINUE THE LAUGHS AND HEARTBREAK!