#and age and body issues
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#several thousand year age gap is no issue#he’s aged like a fine wine#full-bodied big complex smokey and rich#adar#adar rings of power#the rings of power#trop memes#trop crack#uruk daddy#baddydaddy#our goth king
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So often, twink death is framed as a bad thing. However, the "twink death" for trans men* is frankly one of the most healing things you will bear witness to (pun intended).
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#honestly i hated being called a twink pre-t because so many people treated me like... lesser for it?#like... 'i think you are effeminate (and less of a man)... but i /guess/ you're still a man🙄! hope that helps' is how it sounded to me#and so often it seems like 'twink death' is just... fear of aging in a world that hates the realoties of the human body#i have compassion for the fear of aging however it will pretty much always be harmful to the person experiencing it...#...in that they too will age. no matter what you do to prevent aging it will still happen...#...i don't think fear is the fault of the individual - it's a systemic issue. however i think it's needless suffering...#...you certainly do not have to /like/ aging and it can truly suck at times. i just want people to think about why they fear it y'know?#anyway that's what i think motivates this apprehensive attitude about people and how they change and whatnot#though my twink death isn't me becoming a bear (in the future who knows but for now not so much)
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TOMMY: The war is done! Shut the door on it like I did.
#peaky blinders#peakyblindersgifs#tv#tvedit#hehe#the fascinating thing here is that arthur does show restraint and that he can control himself: he very much doesn't try to throttle tommy#even if he could have easily grabbed him fully round the throat and then lets go as well. it's not so much that tommy actively fights him#which makes the question whether or not he had control over killing that kid (or beating these other young men up) all the more dubious and#unsettling#but then again it's self-evident because he was seeking them out; he could have sparred with men of his own size/age/experience#if control was such an issue and he just wanted to have an outlet for his anger while not wanting to cause too much harm#he may not have wanted to kill the boy but he definitely wanted to hurt someone who couldn't defend himself#which is definitely painfully reminiscent of what happened with their father and arthur's lack of defense then and humiliation at his hands#it's not quite that arthur is a carbon copy of his dad but he tries to emulate him#there's a sympathetic layer here in that he can't grow past this hurt little boy he used to be and puts on this mask. but when does the#mask become the man and he has a body count by now and the question of accountability has to be raised at some point#& note that at the beginning of the scene tommy tells arthur that the boy had a weak heart#tommy's role here is not one of cruel and abusive enabler but one who navigates harm and tries to absolve arthur of his own guilt#while actually being understandably angry over all this#the way *this* entire scene and what leads up to it is misunderstood is very symptomatic in how their dynamic is generally read in a way#that is ... just not true#and very unfairly places tommy in a role of caretaker/parent to arthur's eternal irresponsible child#but arthur isn't a child; that's the problem
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If you could choose to stop your body from aging, would you, and if so, what age would you choose to stop at? This process is irreversible purely physical. You're also not immortal.
NO ABOLISH THE CULT OF YOUTH !!!!! IT IS HOLY TO GET WRINKLES AND GRAY HAIR AND LAUGH LINES AND STRETCH MARKS !!!!! IT IS A SIGN OF HAVING LIVED AND HAVING LIVED WELL !!!!!!
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i just think it'd be funny for Loki's magic to drained/blocked and 75% of the motor function in his arms/hands goes out with it. maybe he collapses because the magic is keeping him up and running. who knows.
#I just think it would be a hilarious and vicious cycle for magic use to break down the body. making the body reliant on magic use#like yeah your body learnt to channel sooo much power and this is the cost#'mages get stronger with practice and age' statistic incorrect.#'mages get used to the chronic damage and raise the magic threshold they can handle' truth#something about magic storage in the body and getting it out#like maybe it's stored in the chest. maybe if the magic suddenly stopped being produced there would be spontaneous chest issues#did we think about that#puts a guy in a magic draining cell and he's trying to act like he hasn't lost control of his arms#like he's not struggling to breathe#yknow???
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I always find it funny when people are more mad at a character than the people they supposedly hurt are? I get it happens when a fandom is younger or it’s been truely written incorrectly based on the characters, but a lot of the times it’s not and it’s funny to see idk. I am looking at the teen wolf fandom.
#thinking about sciles#i’ve seen people say it’s abusive on both ends#meanwhile it’s two teenage boys surviving a horror setting while coming age#even when they have justified reasons for being mad they SAY it and they work it out or forgive each other or move on#tbh they would hate the way some of their stans talk about their bff#they love each other srrrrrrrryyyyyy#scott mcall#stiles stilinski#sciles#stiles does not give a shit that scott hung up on him at the pool 😭#he was doing what he was supposed to! and stiles knows that!#scott absolutely cared that stiles got the shit kicked out of him#STILES CHOSE NOT TO TELL#because he loves scott too much to be used against him by gerard#stiles was willing to bury a body for scott when he accidentally kidnapped a kid i promise they love each other#and Scott is too good of a person for that ever to be an issue#ik it was said as a joke but likeeeeee#stiles would do it for him 100%#they love each other and i do not support turning them against each other#ESPECIALLY when the real enemy is the argents#the way ppl under reacted to the erica and boyd thing w allison was crazy#they needed real crash out friends idc idc#get that whole bitch ass hunter family out of that town#haven’t they done ENOUGH#i’m getting off topic i gotta stop
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shimmer
It starts small, Cyrus Hawke suddenly twenty years younger and unable to ask for what he needs: to be touched, to be held, but they find their little ways around it. To begin to take care of each other. A scout's foraged healing herbs against his flank. The brush of their knees bent over planters together. Braiding each other's hair in the morning, the jolt of warmth up through the tips of his fingers as he draws the tresses together, the faintest flash of blue in the veins disappearing when he blinks before he can wonder if he really saw it.
And then after the nightmare, bumping shoulders and inching hands and a hunger deep in his marrow for the softness of the crook of her neck to rest his weary head... answered instead by dizzy syrup poured down through his mind, and it isn't until he staggers out of her room that he realizes that the cavern of his grief has been ever so briefly filled, cradled by honey-spooled lyrium.
And it isn't until he reaches his room that he collapses. Catches himself on a table but still shivers. Holding his head afraid. Magic has crept through his body before. Transmuted him, ruined him, seven years trapped in the Fade and a decade before that of his blood mingling with the water of Kirkwall's womb, devouring him. He's only been whole again for two years, what if her magic breaks him again?
The thought leaves him shaking. Days. Weeks. Zipping across Thedas not-not avoiding her.
But missing her too. Missing the proximity of someone else's body, that ever-infallible anchor upon which he had relied to ground himself in this world.
So when Lace Harding invites him to the Hall of Valor, Cyrus accepts.
She's a huntress through and through. Eyes sharp and arrows sharper, the fluidity of her body moving between coiled waiting and sprung devastation in an instant. Alongside rogues, he always feels clumsy by comparison, a big sword and an even bigger shield slogging through the battlefield, tangled in the thick of it while she watches over him.
And she does. Watch. Protective. Deadset against losing anyone else, a mirror between them running deeper than the auburn hair--his more silver now than anything else, hers still the full fire of autumn--and the freckles.
She asks him to spar with her, to shore up her defenses. He replies Am I not a good enough defender for you? She laughs and tells him he's just afraid of losing.
So they skirmish, vanguard against prowler. Some times, he knocks her over. Most times, she rolls out of the way. The last time, she answers him with a swift kick to the chest that sends him tumbling to the ground, and when the world stops spinning, he sees her gleaming above him with an arrow knocked at his throat.
Gotcha!
Her foot is still on his chest, and it would be so easy to pull the rest of her--near, radiant--down with him, hands seeking plausible deniability.
But then her eyes go wide, and she draws away. Trembling, torn, her magic pulling her out of herself like threads of a tapestry come undone in a dozen different directions.
He thinks of Kirkwall. Of how the city screamed and splintered around him. Of how he felt it like flaying.
He's quick to pull himself up to his knees, quicker to crawl and grab Lace by the shoulders. Should(n't) hold her closer, tighter, draw her body back in on itself even as his own sloughs away. Instead, he offers her the only comfort that's ever sheltered him. The only words that ever kept him sane. You are not alone. I'm here, and you're safe.
She answers by burrowing into him in too many senses, her ragged chest crushed against his own and the lick-lyrium-whispers wriggling in at the temples. He grinds his teeth and hugs her hard and focuses on the way his spine bends to encompass her. The shapes their bodies make together.
Should this not be comforting too?
When she pulls her head from his shoulder, her eyes are wet, and she touches his jaw, fingers hesitant to map the constellation to his lips. Too soon? Too mournful? The space between them too heavy with the ghost of a partner left behind? "I... I shouldn't ask..."
"Please kiss me."
If her mouth will not anchor him, maybe it will consume him. Maybe that will be it's own kind of comfort.
And then it's all treacle and electric daisies and affection. All the passion dormant in his stomach suddenly bubbling up and boiling over, spilling out between the ribs he will later count to make sure that they're all there-- that he's all there, still him, still his, not something to be remade by magic.
But for now all Cyrus can do is grin deliriously, heart brimming with lyrium.
I feel drunk...
Yeah, it's because I turned your head into mush!
Or it's love.
#rook!cyrus#cyrusXlace#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age veilguard spoilers#lace harding#rook x harding#um!!!! first kisses & body issues & magic & grief yes plsssssssssssssssssss
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2024 reads / storygraph
Babel-17
sci-fi set in a future in an intergalactic war facing unknown beings only known as ‘invaders’
when a new code from the enemy is discovered, a poet/linguist/cryptographer is asked to try crack it - but quickly realises it’s a language
she assembles a crew to travel to the war yards to study the language, and discovers that learning it changes the way people think and interact with others
explores linguistic relativity
queer and polyamorous characters
#babel-17#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#hi mar i finally read this#I thought it was really interesting!! some poetic and experimental writing (as you’d expect with the subject matter)#really interesting worldbuilding elements with some unique cultures; all sorts of body modification#and casual queerness and polyamory. fascinating main character.#a fun spaceship crew of interesting and unique characters though I didn’t feel like I had enough time to get to know most of them tbh.#I feel like I was just really getting into things when I got to the end! I wish there was more!!#Though I do appreciate how succinct the main plot was. it has a specific point and goal.#I love the concept of languages changing the way you think and interact with the world taken to extreme levels in a sci-fi context.#(like obviously irl the theory has its issues; and i think there were some inaccurate examples in here; but yknow)#there’s definitely a few things that didn’t age great but overall. very interesting definitely glad i read it!!
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Thinking about how there’s no way the calamity trio left amphibia without some form of disordered eating/full blown eating disorders
#being at a high risk age + starting puberty + intense trauma + limited/inconsistent access to food#+ losing all body autonomy (Marcy) + being in an unfamiliar body (Anne) + intense guilt and shame and control issues (Sasha)#amphibia#marcy wu#anne boonchuy#sasha waybright#tw ed
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The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃
#rambling#for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to#estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone)#and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments#and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms#it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me#(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲)#and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately#like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related#dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me#but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially#as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess?#like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally'#and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder#thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance#dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone#typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis)#and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself#and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex'#and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭#tmi#request to tag
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really funny to me that ppl perceive emets solus body at like 60s. he looks blatantly younger than varis or like, the same age. varis is 46
#ffposting#which tbf varis just... thats not what a mid 40s man usually looks like... i think his evil pills made him age way faster#but still. im sorry i cant imagine emet running around in a 60 y/o body on purpose. except to complain abt excruciating back pain#argument could be made about how in drusillas flashbacks from 20 yrs ago he looked the exact same#but being honest with you i genuinely think SE just got lazy & didnt wanna make him yet another custom model.#68 y/os do not look like that either... his skin is wayyy smoother than it should be hes lacking many wrinkles#& it could be an issue on SE's part since making characters look old is a real problem for them a lot of the time#but like drusilla Is right there looking believably old. emet isnt going around that old#its just not optimal if he wants to be as comfortable as possible anyway. & you know he loves his comfort#hmmm & the bozja incident was 15 yrs ago right??#the solus seen in cids trauma flashbacks wasnt actually present then but it can be surmised thats what he looked like at the time#highly doubt he physically aged hard as fuck in just 5 years. no one wouldve bought it as a normal phenomenon#sorry i think about the timeline a lot. when i call emet an old man its above all bc he has an old man soul#that guy was 5 years old sighing like he bore the burdens of three lifetimes already i know it.
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every time someone mods their gith to look like a final fantasy character, vlaakith gains a new level
#not to be a bitch for a sec#but god damn i do not understand why you'd want to make them look as human as possible#just play a human or an elf#not this smooth body human nose human ear bullshit#this is a constant fucking issue in the tes and dragon age communities too#githyanki#baldur's gate 3#bg3
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Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.
You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.
#i hate that i let that get to me lmao just ruined my fucking day ive been sitting here sobbing for like an hour#i cant tell anyone just how much i dont even want to try any more bc i dont see the point#medical issues and mental issues dont pair well and i dunno if im even gonna be able to survive the next flare up#i dont need fandom spaces telling me to die when im already telling myself that every fucking day#also why does my age always get brought up lmao i didnt choose to be born 30 years ago stop telling me im old#my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru#30 was just a formality and serves as another reminder of how ill never meet societys expectations for a 30yo lmao#my point is. you should try showing a little more kindness if telling someone to die comes so easily#ive literally never once told anyone to die in my life. you just dont fucking go there. what if they kill themself right after that?#can you live knowing they did so on your command?#i couldnt#thats just like beyond fucked up#anyway im gonna go try and stop crying#ill prob stay off tumblr today idk i feel real sick lol#delete later / /#i hate that i cant exist as myself either in person (too queer and closeted in a rural area) or online (too queer and weird ships)#anyway
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yeah yeah Belos with an eight pack and bulging muscles and toned flesh and whatever. Sure fine like what you like. Belos with accurate flabby peepaw bod, though? BARK, ya know?
#Mutuals plz don’t look at me in this moment of weakness#I’ve seen like 3 age accurate Belos body pics and I lose my damn mind#I see his frail old man arms and soft tummy and I turn into a fucking dog#Like BARK BARK BARK#i think I have issues that go a little deeper than daddy issues#anyways#emperor belos#philip wittebane#sadly handing over my ace card because of this 400+ year old puritan
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I wish people took Claudia's emotional issues stemming from her being neglected more seriously because sometimes, a child having to put boundaries doesn't inherently mean they're emotionally stable/mature and completely fine with being neglected.....
#fandom just really does this thing where they make Claudia out to be this 'independent woman' when the tragedy of it isn't#just that she will never mature into being a woman....it's also that she's ultimately stuck#in the hell that is perpetually having a teenage body and mind#case in point with her outburst at Louis#like.....you'd think that Claudia at the mental age of 40 wouldn't have an outburst but she DOES#because her issues ARE CONSTANTLY THERE WITH HER#just like they're constantly there with Louis Lestat Armand etc etc#she wants the freedom of being powerful enough as a vampire in order to be taken SERIOUSLY and respected#but that doesn't mean she's fine with not having any love OR her parents' love and priority
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it was wretched at the time but admittedly it is very funny that following a link pitched explicitly as 'hey, if you feel self conscious about your body, here's a whole gallery of Normal Women showcasing the incredible variety of perfectly healthy, normal bodies, so you can see that you're perfectly normal too💕' is how I found out that what I have is in fact a deformity
#me-- age 22 or whatever-- scrolling with increasing worry: huh... haha... none of these really look like me yet hahah... hm.. huh.....#[reaching the end where there is another link to a smaller gallery of examples of abnormal bodies] ................ s. surely not hahahh‚‚‚#WOMP WOMP#anyway I made peace and mostly got over it years ago so it's very stupid and annoying that the last couple of years have been Issues again#get over it!! whatever!!! you also wish you were shorter and had green eyes but too damn bad so just get over it!!!
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