#and again! she is a mom!! she has three children!!! talk about that instead!!!!

[cuteniarose]

Just saw a "best mom character" poll that featured Katara and instead of talking about the fact she's an actual mom and her relationship with her children all the propaganda to vote for her mentioned how "she took on a mother role for her older brother and is the mom friend in the Gaang look at how caring and maternal she is!!" I'm going to stab someone

[giuliettagaltieri]

Footsteps in the Snow

Pairing: Dad!Coriolanus Snow x Mom!Reader

Chapter Synopsis: The Heir

Warning: parenthood

Word Count: 3133

7 of 7

When one has everything, the only foe left to face seems to be nothing else but time.

Coriolanus watched his son Aurelius Hyperion, or Harper grow.  The little boy seemed to become more and more like him with every passing day.  And Coriolanus is conflicted about how he feels about that fact as it seems his son grows farther and farther away from him.

You often reassure him that it is simply a part of growing up, that children will have to learn how to become independent.  It was easy for you to say.  You did not have the same crisis as him. 

Harper would seek your company and still cuddles close to you despite him being seven years older since you have given birth to him.

It wounds Coriolanus deeply when he catches Harper laughing with you but his back straightens and the glee in his face fades to indifference when he is nearby.  Coriolanus found it difficult to bond with a child so similar to him.

Without you, he fears Harper would have long left the manor.

“Harper, is there something you would like to tell your father?”  You ask over breakfast, your voice light and cheery, a juxtaposition to the frigid atmosphere.

Coriolanus sets the newspaper down to give his son his undivided attention.  It was something you taught him.  To make Harper feel seen and heard.  And he is thankful that you initiated an interaction between them.  They felt nothing more than strangers living under the same roof.

The little boy glances at his father before he sets his fork down and wipes his lips with the napkin.  Coriolanus waits patiently as the boy sips his water and clears his throat.  He is stalling but Coriolanus will not let him get away from this.

“Yes?”  He asks when Harper chooses to fix his cravat instead of talking.

You smile at your son when he looks at you for support.  ‘Go on.’  You mouth at him.

Harper straightens his back and meets his father’s gaze with his unwavering ones.

“I was the top of my class, father.”  He says proudly.  “I also just learned a new piece on the violin.”

Coriolanus smiles genuinely, proud of his little boy.

“That is good.”

Harper looks at his father with his eyes mirroring the same happiness and for just a moment they stare at each other.  Coriolanus watches how his joy seeps out again.

Coriolanus receives a kick to his shin and he looks at you with accusation but you are too busy buttering your bread.

“I would love to hear you play.”  He tries to add but Harper only nods.  “What piece was it?”

Harper sighs and Coriolanus purses his lips.  “Paganini’s 24th Caprice.”

You sip your tea, quietly enjoying the wonderstruck expression in your husband’s face before he recovers quickly.

“And what does Grandma’am have to say about that?”  Coriolanus asks gently, a soft smile on his lips, one that Harper returns.

“She doesn’t know.”  Harper said mischievously.  Grandma’am would have pulled his ear had she known.

“Let us keep it that way.”  Coriolanus nods as he picks his newspaper again.  “But will you play for me when you find time?”

Harper glances at you before nodding.

“Harper is coming to work with us today.”  You tell Coriolanus who looks at you with mild interest, to ensure that Harper does not take it negatively but he was in truth asking you what you are planning.  Again.

“It has been quite a long time since his last visit.”  You say after pushing a fruit parfait in your son’s direction.

“Indeed, it has.”  Coriolanus agrees as he picks up where he left off in the newspaper.

Your son knew that something might be wrong when you were smiling too much the moment all three of you entered his father’s office.  Coriolanus was fixing the documents in his desks when you sat on the plush sofa, your heavy belly more prominent.  You would have gone to your own office usually.

Harper sits on the other sofa across you, watching how his little sister sent kicks through your belly, making the fabric shift ever so slightly.

“Oh, dear me!”  You suddenly gasp and both boys look at you with concern.  “Vipsania Sickle’s afternoon tea, it’s tomorrow.”

Coriolanus raises a brow.  “She hosts afternoon tea all the time, my love.  There is no need to trouble yourself.”

“But I do not have a dress.”  You argue as you attempt to stand with great difficulty.  “And she claims this afternoon tea will best the recent one the Flickermans hosted, and mind you, that was pretty eccentric.”

Harper stands abruptly when you get off the couch. 

“Oh, no, Honey.”  You smile at your sweet boy, your hand brushing his golden head to keep it neater.  “I will have to go alone.  I would not want to burden you with scanning for dresses the entire day.”

He looks desperately at you, turns his back to his father and mouths pleas but you only smile cheekily and kiss his nose.

“I will see you later.  Have a great day with your father.”  You pat his cheek lightly.  Coriolanus comes to kiss you, although a frown is in his brows.

“Be careful, I already sent for the chauffeur.”  He tells you and you nod.

Coriolanus and Harper stand side by side to watch you leave and when the door shuts, they remain standing there staring at the door.  Eventually they glance at each other but Harper quickly evades his eyes and circles back to the sofa where you previously sat, missing you already.

“I promise I will not be a bother.”  He tells his father who has his arms crossed in his chest, looking at the boy who grabbed a high-end real estate magazine.

“Thinking of buying a property?”  Coriolanus asks as he returns to his desk.

Harper lowers the magazine to peek at his father who is now working at his desk.  “When I get old enough.”  He taps his shoes together.  “I’ll invite mother to come live there too.”

Coriolanus looks up from the document he is working with.  “What about me?”

Not expecting such a question, Harper was a bit hesitant and he stared up at the ceiling before answering his father.  “You can come too”

They minded their own business after that.

Coriolanus welcomed the silence as he got through his job without disturbances.

It was lunch time when the silence was broken.

A service trolley is being wheeled in and Harper perks up at the scent.

He gets up to greet the person who pushes the trolley and the old man dressed in a crisp suit smiles at the young boy warmly.  The man takes his leave after telling them what was under the cloches.

Coriolanus sits with Harper in the lounge as they share the hearty lunch.

“Did you get a lot of work done?”  Harper asks politely. 

You told your husband that your son is only starting to learn how to make small talks and that he should be encouraged when he attempts to start one.

“I did.”  Coriolanus nods.  “Almost done for the day.”

Harper looks at his father in astonishment.

“But it is only lunch?”

Coriolanus nods.  “I was surprised too.  But then again, I stayed up late last night.”

“You did?”  Harper raises a brow.  “Mother slept alone last night?”

The fork stills in Coriolanus’ plate and he purses his lips.  “Your mother understands.”  He clears his throat.  “And this does not happen often.”

Harper continues his lunch, not liking the subject anymore.

“How are your fencing lessons?”  Coriolanus tries to open another topic.

“I excel at it.”

“That is good.”

“Yes.”

This was much harder than Coriolanus anticipated.

He needed a topic, something that would pique his son’s interest.  Something to banish the suffocating formal atmosphere.  They are father and son, for heaven’s sake.  They are acting more like business partners, even the men Coriolanus meets do not act so awkward around him.

“When I was younger, there was this shop I often go to.”  Coriolanus says as he wipes his mouth with the napkin.  “They had the best gelato.”

Harper sets his glass of water down to listen to his father.

“The gelato that our chefs make does not even compare.”  He continues, making his voice light and playful.

Coriolanus laughs at the skeptical look on his son.

“Our chefs make the best desserts,”  Harper argues.

Harper watches as Coriolanus heads to the closet and pulls out a couple of white polo shirts.  They were identical, only differing in size.

“I use these for golfing but I figured they would work fine.”

“Work fine for what?”  Harper walks over to his father.

Coriolanus hands him the clothing with a determined smile as he places a hat atop his head.  “We’re going out.” 

Sneaking out of the mansion undetected was close to an impossibility if it were anybody else but Coriolanus was glad that the staff pretended to have seen nothing.  Harper excitedly walked close to Coriolanus as they strolled around the Capitol.  He only got to see things from the car window and everything looks so different when he treads the sidewalks.

Harper was astonished how people were simply walking past him, not even sparing him a glance.

“They don’t recognize us.”  He whispered giddily to his father who glanced at him with a grin.

Coriolanus placed a hand on Harper’s back as they entered the small shop.  It was not like the ones that Harper usually sees.  It was incredibly small, but its business was doing fairly well.  Harper saw another boy waiting for his cone, and he was almost bouncing on his heels.

Harper frowns, is this all it takes for that kid to be happy?  Even that sailboat he got from the Plinths did not make him smile that widely.

“You’re next in line.”  Coriolanus gently pushes him forward.

A wrinkly grandma is by the counter, she was wearing a pink dress, and her ears adorned by large golden hoops.  “What flavor would you want, young man?”

Harper turns to his dad, not knowing what to get.  He was just used to food being served to him, he never had to make an order before.  Coriolanus points at the options just beside the cash register and Harper bends his head back to see from under his hat.

There’s chocolate and vanilla.  Lemon and hazelnut.

“I will have the caramel, please.”  Harper says politely and the old lady nods before turning to Coriolanus.

“And a pistachio.”  Coriolanus says as he pretends to look at his wallet to avoid looking at the woman.  He was incredibly popular, he would not want to risk people recognizing him.

When Harper receives the crisp golden cone that had two enormous scoops of caramel gelato, he cannot contain his excitement and takes a bite.  Coriolanus snickers when Harper’s lips tighten as his blonde brows raise while his eyes are closed.

“You okay?” 

Harper blinks rapidly as he clutches his head. 

“I am fine…uhm okay.  I’m okay.”  He glances at the sweet old lady, wondering if his formal tone gave anything away but she appears to not have heard it.  “Thank you.  It is delicious.”

Coriolanus pays and he steps out of the shop with Harper focused on his cone, determined to keep up with the melting scoops.  Coriolanus decided to take him to the park he donated and they took a slower pace as they walked through the pathways with enormous trees lining it.

“You’re right.  This is better.”  Harper tells his father.  “I wonder if I can get them to sell their recipe.”

Coriolanus smiles discreetly, a victory.

Harper glances around the greenery, admiring the roses and the pigeons.  One decided to follow him though.  Harper looks at it from the corner of his eyes, trying not to make a sudden move that could agitate the bird.

It was persistent.

The boy quickens his steps and the pigeon hops and hops, using its wings to propel it forward.  When it tries to peck his foot, Harper sprints to Coriolanus.  “Dad!”  He grabs hold of his father’s hand and clings close.

Coriolanus halts his step and as Harper warily stares at the pigeon who flew away in fright, Coriolanus had his eyes on his little boy, who just called him ‘Dad’.

To Harper’s surprise, Coriolanus scoops him up just like how he did when he was still a toddler.  They both look at each other, a million words spoken in one eye contact.

With stomachs satiated, they walk the halls of the Presidential mansion hand in hand.

“Why do we not live here?”  Harper asks curiously.  “Most Presidents live here.”

Coriolanus rubs his chin.  “I prefer to keep my family and work separate.”

Harper nods but he pulls Coriolanus when he sees a gigantic oil painting of someone he knew. 

Coriolanus stands next to him to gaze up at the painting.

“Crassus Xanthos Snow.  Your grandfather.”  Coriolanus tells him.

“I know.  We studied his biography at school.”  Harper says as his soft small hand tightens its hold around his father’s much larger hand.  “Everybody thought it was unfair as he was my grandfather but it’s not like I knew him personally.”

Coriolanus looks at the tall painting, meeting his father’s gaze as the cold unmoving eyes stare down at him.

“I didn’t know him very well either.”  He tells Harper.  “I was very young when he died.”

Harper shifts uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.  He settles with a gentle pat to his father’s hand.  Coriolanus smiles at his boy, appreciating the attempt to console him.

“You know, even after his passing, I still felt him lingering.  His legacy was very great and it is difficult to live under his shadow.”  His smile became sad.

“I might know how that feels, dad.”  Harper slips his hand from his.  “I mean…Father.”

Coriolanus looks away from the painting to look at Harper.  “What do you mean?”

The kid sighs as he glances at him.  “You’re so perfect.  You make the best decisions.  Everybody respects you.  You are the great leader of Panem, you and mother.”

Where were you when he needed you?

“I wasn’t always like this.”  Coriolanus tells him.  “I used to make mistakes, great mistakes.  People did not respect me, they respected my name.”

Harper shrugs.  “Which makes it harder for me because even after all that, Snow landed on top.  If I fail, even after everything I have, I will be a disgrace.”

“You will not be a disgrace.”  Coriolanus grins.  “You dominate every class they put you in.  You learned Paganini’s piece and not everybody can say that.”

Scoffing, Harper scuffs his shoe against the carpet.  “But I did not mentor nor did I become a scholar under Dr. Gaul.”

“I can help you.”  Coriolanus assures him by placing a hand on his shoulder, one that Harper slaps away.

“I hate nepotism.”

This forces an amused laugh from Coriolanus.  “You don’t need it.  You are only seven and you already know words such as ‘nepotism’.”  Harper frowns at his father.  “What I am trying to say is, I can teach you.  My father was not there for me so I have no references as to how fatherhood should be but I am willing to guide you.”

“Like a mentor?”  Harper raises a brow.

“If you want, yes.”  Coriolanus pulls his hat off to ruffle his hair, Harper scrunches his nose as his hair falls to his face.  “And you can keep on calling me ‘Dad’.”

Harper grimaces.  “Only in private.”

Coriolanus laughs.  “Alright, I’ll take it.”

When you arrived later that day, Harper was fast asleep on the couch, the coat Coriolanus wore prior that day was draped over your boy to keep him warm.

“Ah, there she is.”  Coriolanus grins as you walk in with shopping bags in your arms.

You carefully set them down as you waddle to the sofa.  Coriolanus follows after you and proceeds to take your shoes off.  You sigh in contentment as he massages your tired feet.

“And how was it?”  You ask as you place a bowl of dried fruits on top of your round belly.  “Did you get to bond?”

“We did.”  Coriolanus nods.  “We snuck out.”

“You what?”  You nearly pull your foot but he tightens his hold on your toe.  “Corio, that’s dangerous.”

Coriolanus smirks at you.  “The most dangerous thing that happened was a pigeon chasing after him.”

You stifle a laugh.   Oh, you would have wanted to see that.  Strolling around the Capitol like a normal family and free from prying eyes sounds really nice.  A pout forms on your lips.

“I’m jealous now.”

Your husband caresses your calf and leans over to place a kiss on your belly.

“Perhaps when our little princess is born, we can go on more vacations.”

Nodding, you pop a dried strawberry to your mouth as you watch the smile stay on your husband’s face.  His face is glowing, eyes no longer holding a storm inside it.

“Corio, are you happy?”

His fingers still their movement as he raises a brow at you.

“When you asked me to marry you, you said a life with me might be a shot to happiness.”  You continue and he gently lifts your feet off to come sit closer to you.

“Y/N, I have made many decisions in my life and marrying you still remains to be the best one.”  He places a kiss on your nose and your eyes flutter shut, tickling your plump cheeks with your eyelashes.  “You gave me love and two wonderful children.”

You both glance at Harper as he places a warm hand on your belly.

“Everything I am today is because of you.”

“No, Corio.  You cannot give me all the credit-”

He shakes his head.  “Everything I am today is because of you.”

You feel a sting in your eyes and your eyesight gets blurry from the onslaught of tears.

“All I did was scheme.”  You laugh through your tears which he kisses away.

“And look where those schemes brought us.”  He sits tall and looks at his office.  “You brought us on top.”

Happiness was something Coriolanus thought to have been fleeting and sacrificed when in search for glory.  But it was not.  It was the culmination of everything that a person can achieve.

Money, Power, Glory.

They are something he sought for when he was young and naïve, but all three boils down to happiness.

And he was glad you stood by him.  You made him feel things he thought he had no right to.

Coriolanus is happy.  And he is loved.

And he will stain the world red to protect this life you created with him.

Quest for Happiness

[hotchfiles]

❝ ['CUZ YOU'RE A NATURAL] ❞ — a in this house of mine prequel ; MDNI!

pairing: aaron hotchner x rossi!reader. summary: not having a crush on your dad's friend and co-worker should be rule number one. but what are rules when said friend is aaron hotchner? content warnings: this is suggestive at best. foul language? still let's go with MDNI! age-gap flirting. word count: 1k. a/n: might do a pt.2, i just needed to get this out of my brain.

He’s just pretending not to notice it at this point, which isn’t easy coming from a person who notices everything. Coming from the man who helped build the unit that literally analyzes people for a living. 

Granted he wasn’t the most present of fathers and he wasn’t even sure if your mother was his second or third ex-wife anymore, but he knew human behavior, and human behavior clearly showed there was no reason for you to be there, “Kid, I’m sure you hate sports of any kind.” David comments, observing as you make sure Jack’s shoes are tight and won’t get in his way. 

“Well dear father, actually, I was a cheerleader for my last three high school years. And the first two college ones.” He knows that, and you know he knows it, but your best way out of the mess you were purposefully getting into right now was to appeal to the guilt you knew he still had from not being around much. “Base of the pyramid, very important, sporty, love sports.” You noticed you were going on for too long and shut your yapper.

Lucky for you Aaron didn’t seem to mind the two of you discussing, busy watching his baby boy with the most sweetest look on his face, he looks ethereal, his smile the most enchanting you’ve ever seen. 

You can feel your father’s glance going from you to Aaron slowly, he’s observing, analyzing but trying hard to ignore the signs. The signs that you weren’t there for some dad and daughter bonding.

Unless the dad in question was Hotchner.

The sole reason you had put yourself in short rounded skirt, sports short underneath, gym sneakers and shirt, and an old baseball cap to make it look like it wasn't so out of the norm for you to be at an event like that. It was. Your dad was right, you didn't like sports, you liked cheer squad and the parties and the players, not the game. But you had your eyes set on the coach today which is why you were there instead of working on your masters' assignments.

You couldn't even pretend to know what was going on, if it was football you had some experience from watching and hearing past flings talk about it, but soccer? You could only cheer for Jack and bicker with the soccer moms around as they talked about how much better their children were.

"Hey, lady if your son gets that close to Jack again I'm gonna jump him." You point your finger at one of them, decorum almost goes to hell as she begins walking in your direction, Rossi stepping in the way to apologize for your behavior.

Oh. You can't just threaten to hurt kids. That's not okay. "Sorry, just used to fighting with guys' girlfriends to defend my team. Cheer squad reflex memory." You say lowly directly to Aaron, not even bothering to apologize to your father. Your cheeks tomato red, a combination from the embarrassment and the sun that was making everyone sweat.

"It's fine, she has to teach her son fair play anyway, he's not gonna go far like that." His expression doesn't show even one single sign of being mad at you, you notice it, Rossi notices it. Aaron's actually smiling, completely amused by the situation.

It was nice to have someone sticking up for his boy like that.

And to have someone look at him with those eyes. Not the aw you're such a good dad eyes most mothers gave him when he's around for matches. Nope. The please fuck me eyes you always shot at him even if your father was around. For the sake of his loyalty to Rossi he pretended not to see it, as he knew Rossi did too. He hoped David didn't notice the eyes he himself gave you though, or that if he did, he was kind enough to ignore it, Aaron would never act on it. Never. He was twice your age if not more even if he weren't friends with David.

Still, he enjoyed the touches, the stolen glances, the way you wore your short dresses and skirts around him, the way you showed you cared above the desire for the unobtainable. How you sent him cute videos with show Jack as a caption, how you remembered to bring a towel not for yourself, but to pat his face dry, delicate as ever.

"People will think you were the one playing sweating like this." You go through his face and his neck with it, handing him a water bottle after. You brought those yourself too, you wanted to be useful.

Before he can hold it back, a smirk deliciously mischievous takes grip of his lips, "What can I say dear, I tend to sweat a bit when I'm doing any type of exercise." You're not sure if you wished you hadn't caught the innuendo of his reply, as you were now fighting hard not to squirm in front of him. Oh you wanted nothing more than to be the one making him sweat.

"Good thing your bedroom has an A.C then." You say almost mindlessly, panicking just a tad when you grasped the idea that maybe remembering that so easily wasn't the most normal thing to do. Did you just sound obsessive? Stalkerish? You think not when he chuckles, nodding in agreement.

You both just look at each other for a minute, breathing patterns completely irregular, being interrupted only by your father loudly coughing from some steps away from you both, tired of having to deal with the obvious tension between his daughter and his co-worker, his friend! Rossi doesn't say anything else though. And neither does Aaron or you, deciding to just go back to paying attention to the match.

But Hotch had just got you an in. If he hadn't flirted back you might just keep it as a crush, but now?

Now you needed him.

[maple-tree-hills]

Percy Jackson AU where instead of Poseidon being absent in Percy’s life, he helps raise him. But Percy doesn’t know his dad is Poseidon. He thinks Peter Johnson is a marine biologist and a fisherman who is frequently on long business trips for his job. Maybe Sally and Poseidon are divorced, and she marries Smelly Gabe or maybe they’re still together, who knows.

Just, instead of Percy being in anger at the gods for neglecting their children he’s in disbelief that his very normal father is Poseidon. They go on fishing trips together all the time and he dresses like a tacky Hawaiian tourist. Not a god. He refuses to believe this despite Grover being a satyr, and Mr. Brunner being a centaur.

I’m not sure if Percy should know all of the gods or not. Maybe he knows Mr. D already as Cousin Dexter. Cousin Dexter has shown up a couple of times in his life. He’s a devil for the drink and a known alcoholic, so why is he at this weird camp playing cards with Grover and Mr. Brunner? And they start talking about the gods and demigods again. And Mr. D calls him ‘mortal.’ And Percy’s like yeah, no Cousin Dexter has had a bit too much to drink despite the fact that he can’t smell any alcohol on him, and he’s only been drinking Diet Coke. Percy switches subjects as to why Mr. D isn’t drinking any alcohol. Apparently, his father won’t let him drink alcohol anymore and is forcing him to work at this summer camp. Percy is happy to hear this because at least someone isn’t having Cousin Dexter’s shit anymore.

Then they switch gears back into the conversion about gods existing and he’s sure Grover, or Mr. Brunner, or Mr. D will say sike, but none of them do. They all seriously believe in the gods. Well Percy is stubborn and won’t be convinced this easily.

And then he finds out that Hades stole the master bolt and has his mother, and he’s like uncle Hector? Uncle Hector is a god of the underworld? And he has my mother and stole Zeus’s lightning bolt? No way. Uncle Hector lives in LA and works at a music producing studio. He is not the god of the underworld. He is not Hades, this is insane and Percy does not appreciate being punked. He’ll admit some supernatural stuff is real because a minatur killed his mom, but being a demigod no way.

And they keep telling Percy about the family drama and he’s still in disbelief. All he knows about uncle Zane is that his father is not on good terms with him. There’s no way uncle Zane who his father HATES, who works in the Empire State Building is Zeus. There’s just no way.

And then he finds out about the Big Three and forbidden children thing. And he goes ‘That can’t be true uncle Hector has two kids: cousin Bianca and cousin Nico.’ And he just accidentally spoils to everyone that Hades has not kept his end of the pact about fathering more mortal children.

And then they’re on the road going through quests fighting against Alecto again, Echidna, and Medusa and Percy still can’t believe the gods are real.

It isn’t until he gets to the underworld that he starts believing. There seated on a dark throne surrounded by skeletons is Uncle Hector? Uncle Hector is actually Hades? He’s freaking out he’s never seen his uncle this way before. He’s terrifying and keeps demanding this Helm of Darkness thing in exchange for his mother. Where’s Nico he wants to hang out with his cousin?

And maybe Percy sasses him because what the heck uncle Hector sending furies after your nephew and holding your sister-in-law hostage and accusing your nephew of theft is not cool. And things for the most part will proceed like they do in the book for the most part. I could see Hades when he’s pretending to be a human behaving similarly to Jay Duplass’s portrayal of him in the TV show. Just a comical uncle who is most certainly not lord of the underworld.

(I’ve only seen the TV and I’ve almost finished the first book so far, but I do know Hades has two kids named Bianca and Nico)

[littlest-w01f]

Little Family

Cassian x Luna

CASSIAN MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: When Cassian comes to pick Feyre up from her work, he sees a new girl with her, a girl who sits to herself silently and doesn't talk to any other children, his whole world shifts on its axis when the girl's mother walks in to take her home

Cw: None

part one - part two - part three - part four

In the busy city of Starlight, it was another day for Nova, but she woke up different than she had weeks before, she was excited to go to art class, her teacher's friend, Cassian, would meet her most days, sitting by her and trying to converse with her, more than others had. He didn't act negatively to her wings like most kids did, he didn't whisper about how her wings took up too much space in the room, she had a friend.

She was happy, her things gathered on her table, even if her mom couldn't afford a lot of expensive things that a few other faelings had, it didn't bother her, since her teacher, Feyre, provided everyone with anything her students needed anyway.

Luna was up the first thing in the morning, already ready for the day when she knocked on her daughter's room, "Nova? Are you up, little bat?"

"Yeah, mama." Nova said back loud while she was up from her bed so that her mother would hear, "Just woke up."

Luna smiled, she used to have to force Nova out of bed before, but recently her daughter had made her first friend, even if that friend was a male her age and her mate.

It had been two weeks, since Luna had met her mate, Cassian, General of Night Court. The bond had snapped the second she laid eyes on him, she had chosen to take Nova home instead of acknowledging it, hoping it was a mistake and she would never have to see the male again. She had just gotten free of a male, her late husband, a male she had realised stopped loving her when she was with his child but had made her unable to escape, she didn't want another so soon.

But Nova had taken a liking to Cassian, the 6-year-old talked of the Illyrian male all the time after she had met him, which despite how Luna felt, was a happy change in her home, seeing Nova happy and talkative. Cassian had started talking to her child, making slight conversation, complimenting her wings when she had pointed his out.

"Morning, Princess." Luna smiled, watching Nova walk out of her room, she was dressed up for the day.

Nova sat down, pulling the plate of pancakes to herself, "Mornin' mama." She devoured the plate, making Luna snort slightly, taking her own plate.

"Relax love, no one is take that away from you." Luna smiled, packing Nova's lunch for later.

Nova nodded, holding her glass of milk, "Have to get to class, I am doing a piece."

"Oh?" Luna tilted her head, "Tell me more, if you want."

"Wings, I want to paint wings, miss Feyre is helping me." Nova picked at the berries on her pancakes.

Luna smiled softly, "That's wonderful, love."

The two females sat together for breakfast, smiling and talking, "So, miss Feyre has invited us to have dinner with her family tonight, if you want to join."

Feyre had asked Luna to meet her family, she had said no once but Feyre was adamant, and Luna could see the matchmaker in Feyre's eyes. So, Luna had agreed.

"We're going to miss Feyre's house?" Nova asked excitedly, "I want to join, ma."

"Well then, I'll let her know. Come on," Luna smiled, watching Nova rush around gathering her things for her class.

Luna was working in a jewellery shop, smiling at the customers, making sales, she hadn't had time to herself in quite a long time, working a few hours in a bakery in the morning, then by the afternoon she would be working in a bookshop, just cleaning shelves, and now in the late evening, working in the jewellery shop.

She didn't have a proper education to aim for a single high paying job, so she managed to make ends meet by three of them.

Luna sighed as she finished cleaning up the last display case in the jewellery store. It had been a long day, but she loved every minute of working in the jewellery shop, she wanted to give Nova a more than comfortable life, and if it meant working away in multiple places to buy her anything she needed after keeping their place and having their lights on, she would.

The delicate glint of the precious stones under the store lights always brought a smile to her face. She adored the way they caught the light, how they seemed to come alive when they were worn by someone special, she had found her calling in making sales, in matching the jewels with their perfect person.

"This would suit you both so perfectly," Luna smiled at two females who had been looking for their wedding rings. Luna gently guided the two females over to a beautiful set of diamond engagement rings and matching wedding bands.

"These are stunning, aren't they?" The females whispered to each other, their eyes wide as they admired the glittering diamonds. They looked back at Luna, their faces filled with anticipation. "We've been looking all over town for something like this," one of them said, her voice filled with awe.

Luna grinned, her hands moving gracefully as she opened each ring box one by one. "I'm sure these will be perfect for your special day." Her words were gentle, filled with genuine enthusiasm. She could feel the joy radiating off the couple, and it made her heart swell with happiness.

She had made another sale, taking the rings the females had chosen to the counter to wrap in a velvet box, finishing off by tying it in a satin ribbon, she motioned for them to join the line of Fae paying for their jewellery, adding them to the line. The last customers before closing.

"Anything for me, miss?" A voice called to her, a male, Cassian. Luna spun on her heels to face the male, leaning over the countertop, avoiding the glass parts of it, a smirk on his lips.

Luna straightened, ignoring the shake in her heart that his voice had made her feel, there was no avoiding it, Cassian was her mate, and they both knew it, she walked to him, "What are you looking for, general?"

Cassian was looking at a couple necklaces, "Well, you see, my sister has invited this gorgeous female and her adorable daughter for dinner with us, what according to you would be the best gift for them? Something matching would work best, right?"

"Well, I'm sure neither of them would want something so expensive on their first proper meeting." Luna blushed slightly at how blatantly he had told her he was buying a gift for not just her but her daughter too. "If you want to give them something, I'm sure something simple would work just as well."

Cassian chuckled, eyes still on the matching pairs of necklaces, "Aren't you meant to be making sales? You shouldn't be driving customers away." Cassian shook his head at her, he was determined to not go.

"How did you find me, Cassian?" Luna asked softly, picking out a necklace that Nova had always wanted whenever she came with her, a necklace Luna knew she wouldn't be able to afford, the necklace wasn't something the shop owner would've graciously offered to sell at a lower price, even if the pendant was little.

Cassian shrugged, eyes on the necklace Luna held, "Nova only ever talks about you, she told me you work here, wasn't hard to find this place from it's name."

"Is this the one you want?" He asked, hand tracing the butterfly pendant in the middle, it was made of red precious stones, his siphons shining with the same shade.

Luna smiled, "No, it's something that Nova's wanted for a while," She placed a couple of her coppers in front of him, "If you want to gift us something, we can share the cost of this."

"Oh no," Cassian hummed, pushing her coppers back, moving to the counter and dropping a handful of silver marks, "Please pack the necklace. It's a gift for a faeling who deserves it."

Luna sighed, putting her coppers back and beginning to pack the necklace, the image of Nova smiling when she received it couldn't stop a smile from forming on his lips.

"I'll see you later tonight, sweetheart." Cassian smiled, moving to take the packed charm jewellery.

{General Taglist: @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria @paleidiot}

{Little Family Taglist: @littlelunatica @journalofthedamned}

[sequinsmile-x]

Better

Ordinary.

The way her mother says it makes it sound like poison, like something that was infiltrating her life and tearing it apart from the inside out. An awful, ugly thing instead of the beautiful thing that tied her life together like the finest gold thread.

-x-

Hi friends,

If you haven't seen it, I've been getting more anon hate than usual recently, almost entirely around the fact pregnancy/Emily having a family with Aaron is a common them in my fics and how they hate that I write about it. Instead of just...seeing the tags and moving on they've been sending me anons criticising me for it. This culminated in me getting a message yesterday that sent me into orbit saying I was making Emily 'mediocre' by making her a mother like other 'mediocre' women.

(you can read the anon here if you haven't and want to it is WILD)

Now, whatever your feelings are about fanfic or characterisation of Emily, calling someone mediocre for their choices, implying that wanting whatever they want is bad, is ridiculous behaviour.

I've had a lot of feelings about it all day, and ending up writing this to get it out because that is how I process things.

As always, let me know what you think.

-x-

Warnings: Lots and lots of mommy issues

Words: 3k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

From the moment her mother had suggested it, Emily had wanted to get out of going to lunch. Elizabeth insisted that she came over to the event she was hosting with some of her old friends, claiming the other women hadn’t seen Emily in years and that they wanted to catch up. She’d struggled to come up with a good reason to get out of it, even praying for a case that meant she’d be out of stage, something Aaron had raised an eyebrow at.

“You’re praying someone has killed enough people that the team needs to get involved?” 

She’d rolled her eyes at him and huffed, all too aware that he was right, and she’d kissed his cheek as she left the house just before midday, her gaze lingering on him and the kids as they settled down to play their favourite game. 

Lunch was, overall, boring. It was a reminder of a life she’d left behind, the one she’d been born into where every word was carefully chosen yet most the time people said absolutely nothing at all. Their words meaningless, full of fluff and inflexions that she hated. False interest in each other's lives as they desperately waited for someone to ask about them. 

She barely says anything, slowly eating her salad and humming intermittently so it seems like she’s listening, until one of her mother’s friends, Carol, gets her attention. 

“So, what are you up to these days, Emily? Your Mother says you’re still working for the FBI?” 

Emily nods, “Yeah, I work for the Behavioural Analysis Unit, the BAU. My husband used to as well but he retired when our daughter was born three years ago.” 

It had been Aaron’s decision, a solution he’d come up with when they found out she was pregnant with Hazel. He’d been keen to do it, unmoveable in his insistence, his eyes bright and almost overflowing with desperation, as if this was his second chance to make the right decision for his family. She’d agreed, after some back and forth, a voice in the back of her head telling her she’d be a bad mom if she went back to work when she didn’t strictly need to, something Aaron and her friends had slowly talked her out of over the long nine months of her pregnancy. 

Leaving the FBI herself was something she considered again when she had Oliver only 8 months ago, but once again she’d stayed. Happy with the balance she’d created, the life she’d built around herself that let her be Agent Prentiss, a member of one of the most well respected teams in the FBI, and Emily, a wife and mother. 

“Oh yes,” Carol says, picking up her cup of tea, “You have children.”

“Three,” Emily says, her back straightening at something she picks up in the other woman’s tone, a little too close to judgment for her liking, “Jack, Hazel and Oliver.” 

“Lovely names,” Carol says, “Although I must say I was surprised when Elizabeth told us you’d settled down and had children, it wasn’t that long ago it looked like you’d be following in her footsteps and trailblazing yourself a career.” 

Emily frowns, her teeth clenched as she takes a second to calm herself down, “I do still have a career, I just happen to have children too.” 

“Yes well,” Carol says, waving her hand, “You know what they say - a jack of all trades, a master of none.” 

She scoffs, looking to her mother for support, immediately wondering why she thought she’d find it when Elizabeth avoids eye contact with her, a fake smile painted across her face as she stands up from the dining table, “I’ll go check on dessert.” 

Emily stays behind after the others leave, barely even attempting to be polite as she exchanges goodbyes with them. As soon as it’s just her and her mother she can’t help herself, the question escaping before she can ask herself if she would even get an answer she’d want. 

“Why didn’t you stand up for me when she was saying all those things?” She asks, her arms crossed over her chest as Elizabeth freezes and sighs. 

“I wasn’t going to cause a scene,” she says, standing up to walk over to the small bar cart in the living room, pouring herself a scotch, “And besides, she didn’t say anything rude.” 

Emily laughs, “She didn’t say anything rude? She basically said because I’m working and I’m a mom I’m not doing well at either of those things,” she scoffs and shakes her head, “She may as well have called me mediocre and be done with it.” There’s a pause, a flash of something across her mother’s face that she’s sure she wouldn’t have seen if she wasn’t so good at her job. For a moment, she wishes she wasn’t, that she didn’t feel the drop of her heart into her stomach as her arms fall to her sides, “Wait….do you agree with her?” 

Elizabeth stares at her for a second, as if weighing up her options, and she takes a sip of her drink, “Well, you did love to travel when you were younger, Emily. I always assumed you’d do a job that took you all over the world. It wasn’t until you started dating Aaron I ever thought you’d settle down and have an ordinary life.” 

Ordinary.

The way her mother says it makes it sound like poison, like something that was infiltrating her life and tearing it apart from the inside out. An awful, ugly thing instead of the beautiful thing that tied her life together like the finest gold thread. It was something she never thought she’d have. The house and the husband and the children. The cat that never used the cat flap they had installed, happy to curl up at the end of one of the kid's beds instead of ever venturing outside. The school drop-offs and the PTA meetings and the last-minute rush to the grocery store for ingredients for cooking class when Jack told them about it at the last possible second. It was normal, and ordinary and hers. And it was everything she had fought for. 

It was everything she had died for. 

Emily had let a lot slide over the last few years, let countless comments go about herself and sometimes even Aaron because Elizabeth loved her grandchildren. What she’d lacked in being a mother she made up for as a grandmother. She bought them gifts that they actually liked, she listened to them. On Hazel’s first birthday, she’d crawled into the playhouse they’d bought the little girl, acting so unlike herself that Emily had thought she was seeing things. She was grateful her children had someone else in their lives who loved them, so she put up with the fact her mother had never loved her like that. 

All of that disappears as Elizabeth’s words wash over her. A quiet, almost dull, confession that hangs in the air around them a bitter pill that erases any good nature Emily had for her mother. 

She chuckles humourlessly and shakes her head, turning away to wipe angry tears from her cheeks, “I’ve got to ask, Mother,” she says, turning back to look at her, her hands thrown up in defeat, “Why did you even have me? If you think me having children is so…ordinary, why did you have a kid?” 

Elizabeth sighs, her hands on her hips, “Emily-”

“Was it because it was what was expected? You and Dad weren’t as careful as you should have been? What was it?” She demands, not sure she even wants the answer, the sadness and fury rolling in her gut in a way that makes nausea burn up her throat. The silence they fall into is suffocating. Thick and cloying as it settles in Emily’s lungs, making it hard to breathe. She looks down at the floor, her arms tight over her chest as she presses her lips together, desperately trying to hold herself together, “I have a good life.” 

“I never said you didn’t,” Elizabeth says, “I only said I’d thought you’d make different choices.”

“Do you mean better?” Emily asks, her glare unrelenting, and Elizabeth simply looks away, her silence the only answer Emily needs. 

It seems ridiculous. Absurd in a way that makes her laugh, because she can’t imagine how life could be better. She knows that if she’d made different choices, if she’d taken Clyde up on his offer of a job and a new life she would have enjoyed it. She would have been fulfilled and happy but it would have been different to what she had now. Another life she’d now never know, something she couldn’t compare to the life she did have because it didn’t exist and never had. She had no regrets, could never regret even for a second choosing this over anything else. It was her life. Her beautiful, ordinary, life. 

Anger and sadness and everything in between swell in her gut again, making her stomach roll as she clenches her fists at her sides. The burn of her short nails into her palm is familiar, and for a moment she’s 12 years old standing opposite her mother in her office, her nails digging into her palms as she’s told off for not acting as she should have, for getting grass stains on a skirt that cost more than most people made in a month. She shakes it off, an unsteady breath caught in her chest as she’s brought back to the present, to standing in a room just down the hall from her mother’s office over 30 years older and somehow just as silently crushed as she had been when she was a kid. 

It was a feeling she’d promised herself she’d never inflict on her own children. A mantra that had started years before she had them, when she was just a kid herself with her hand pressed into her lower belly as the medication she’d been given by the doctor started to work. She’d be better. She told herself again and again that one day, when it was right, she’d be a mother and she’d be better. It’s a promise she made Declan when he slept up against her on the nights when Ian wasn’t there, his fear of his father pressed against her neck as he asked her if he was in trouble again. She makes the same promise to Jack when she realises she’s stepped into a maternal role in his life, her relationship with him so tied up in her relationship with Aaron that it feels like it happens overnight. She’d be better. She says it again to Hazel just a few hours after she’s born, and again with Oliver when she holds him for the first time. She’d be better.

She was better. She knew that. Her children ran towards her, not away, when they were sad or hurt or sick. They sought her out, snuck into her embrace at any given moment, slipping under her arm as she sat on the couch and they should already have been in bed. Aaron often joked he could disappear and no one would notice, something she’d always quickly refute, the idea of him not being right by her side enough to make her shudder. 

“Better than what? A man who loves me the way Aaron does? Than my children?” Her voice cracks and she clenches her teeth to try to steady her lower lip, “For the first time my life is normal, Mom. I go to work, I come home. I spend my evenings helping my kids with homework and driving them to recitals. And then I share a glass of wine with my husband because I’m still breastfeeding Ollie and don’t want to risk a whole glass. Then we get into bed and do it all over again the next day. It’s so ordinary it makes me ache sometimes because it’s all I ever wanted when I was growing up,” she growls in frustration when tears slip onto her cheeks and she wipes them away immediately, “My life might be small to you, but to me it’s perfect and I am the happiest I have ever been,” she swallows thickly, pushing down the emotions she refuses to set free until she’s home. Until she’s with her husband - the only person she’d ever truly feel comfortable falling apart in front of. “I’m going home.”

“Emily, there’s no need to be so upset,” Elizabeth says as Emily turns away, an edge of panic in her voice she had only heard a handful of times, “We can talk about this.” 

“No,” she refuses, already turning and walking away, “We can’t. I’m going home.” 

She’s proud of herself for making it to the car before the tears come in earnest, burning hot with fury as they leave what feels like permanent tracks on her skin.

___ 

She can’t bring herself to get out of the car. 

She sits on the driveway, still buckled long after she’s switched off the engine, her hands still tightly gripping the steering wheel. Even though she’s staring straight ahead, her eyes fixed on the porch that she loves, she doesn’t see the front door open and her husband wander outside. It’s only when he lightly raps on the window, making her jump and pulling her out of her trance, that she realises he’s there. She unlocks the door but makes no other effort to move. He pulls it open and crouches down, his face level with hers. 

“Where are the kids?” She asks, her voice tight even to her own ears, any chance she has of insisting she is fine dead and gone before she can even try. 

“Ollie is napping,” he says, waving the baby monitor he has held in his hand, “Good thing we get reception out here. And Jack is showing Hazel how to play MarioKart.” 

She nods, her tongue pressed against the back of her teeth as she tries to hold herself together, her eyes already burning with tears because of his proximity, “Good.” 

They lapse into silence and he watches her carefully, the tightness to her expression extreme even for an afternoon spent with her mother. He places his hand on her knee and squeezes, “I’m guessing because of your general demeanour, and the fact you’ve been sat out here for almost 20 minutes, that lunch went off without a hitch.”

She laughs. It’s wet and painful as it catches on her ribs, the force of it making tears splash down onto her cheeks and she nods, wiping them away, “Something like that.” 

“Want to talk about it?” He asks, always sure to give her the option, and she nods, “Okay, well let's go sit on the porch,” he says, reaching over her to unbuckle her belt, “I don’t think my knees could take crouching like this much longer.” 

She nods and lets him lead her out of the car, passing him the keys so he can lock it. They sit on the top step leading up to the porch, both of them looking out at the neighbourhood they loved, and he waits her out. Let her figure out what he was going to say, his shoulder pressed against hers as she tries to navigate the emotions swirling through her body, making her dizzy even though she was sitting down.

“She called me ordinary.” 

It’s so left of field, so out of nowhere, it takes him a second to react. His eyebrows furrowing as he turns to look at her, his gaze fixed on her side profile as she continues to look straight ahead, “What?” 

“Mother she…” she clears her throat, “Well one of her friends did first. Said she was surprised I’d settled down and had kids. After she left I made the stupid decision to ask Mom why she didn’t defend me,” she laughs mirthlessly at herself, “I don’t know what I was expecting,” she finally turns to look at him, her eyes briefly meeting his before she hugs her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them, “Anyway, turns out she agreed. She thought I’d do more with my life than get married and have kids I guess.”

Angry doesn’t even come close to explaining how he feels. Fury that had once burned the walls of his childhood home, leaving the wallpaper singed and smoke damaged, burning in his lungs. He closes his eyes for a moment, takes in a deep breath, and pushes the anger away for now, knowing it’s not what she needs. 

“She’s wrong.” 

She looks up at him and smiles, shifting so her head is on his shoulder, “I know she’s wrong,” she says, curling her arms around one of his, “I love our life. I love that it’s as normal as it can be with everything we’ve been through. It’s almost extraordinary in how ordinary it is” she sniffs, turning her head to kiss him through his shirt, “If anything, I think I feel bad for her.” 

He frowns, resting his cheek on top of her head, letting her melt into his side, “Oh yeah?”

She hums, “I’m sad she can’t see the beauty in it,” she says, tilting her head to look up at him, “And that she probably never will.” 

He cups her cheek and leans in to kiss her, his forehead against hers as he pulls back, “That’s her loss,” he says, kissing her again, “I’m sorry, baby. It can’t be nice having your own mother say that.” 

She chuckles and shakes her head, swallowing thickly, “No. It isn’t,” she says, blowing out a shaky breath, “But I’ll do better than her. I’ll always think our kids are amazing no matter what they do with their lives,” her lips shake and her eyes close, fresh tears spilling onto her cheeks that he wipes away immediately, “I’ll do better.” 

He’s heard her say it before. A whisper against Jack’s forehead after she’d read him a story until he fell asleep. A promise to a newborn Hazel and then Oliver a few years later. He wraps his arms around her, gathers her against his chest as she sinks into him, his lips against her hairline as he replies. 

“You already are, sweetheart,” he says, “You already are.” 

-x-

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[wosowrites]

Mama and Mommy (Jill Roord x Reader)

warnings: none

a/n: i am so sorry that this took forever. also let’s pretend Jill has been with Wolfsburg for 6 years pls. I also had to add a twist for this to work and i couldn’t find the request again so some things may not be exact. I’m sorry abt that. based off this request:

prompt: in which Jill and reader have a secret child.

Having a child at 20 with your girlfriend of six month had never been the plan. You didn’t even like children. That is, until Rory came around. She was everything to you both. Technically, Rory was Jill’s goddaughter, but her biological mother had died giving birth to Rory. Rory’s father wasn’t in the picture, and neither was any other of Rory’s blood family. It all happened so fast, Jill lost her childhood best friend and then suddenly you had agreed to help take care of the baby girl with Jill. You had a child together.

You didn’t want to tell anyone about her due to the tough circumstances of her birth, as well as the fact as to keep Rory safe from her abusive biological father, no one could know about her.

So instead of hiding her completely, you told your teammates she was a friends daughter. Everyday you were in shock at how you had managed to raise such a beautiful, sweet girl together in secret. The timing was perfect, somehow. Jill was out for a year on injury, so she took care of Rory at home, and when you got back to your apartment from training, you would take Rory out to the park and let Jill rest.

Three years later, you had madrid Jill, and then on this day, you had a five year old.

Today was a game against Bayern. You were set to have a sitter come and take care of Rory, but an hour before you were supposed to leave, the sitter called and cancelled.

"What do we do? I mean we can’t leave her here! But we have no one to take care of her at the game." You panicked, pacing around the living room as Rory played with her toys on the carpet. "Y/n. Breathe. Please. I know what we need to do it’s just… it means we have to tell someone." Jill said, placing her hands on your waist and trying to calm you down. "But- but we can’t. Her father." You whispered to Jill. "She doesn’t have a father. He won’t find her. I promise you. Vivianne is at the game today. She’s travelling with Beth because of their ACL ruptures. We can tell them." Jill said.

Your eyes welled up and tears slipped down your cheeks. "We’ve always found a way, baby. On international break and during the world cup she stayed with my mom. It’s okay." Jill said.

It was true, other than you and Jill, Jill’s mum knew about your daughter, and she had always been amazing.

"Okay. I’ll call them and ask them to come over."

Thirty minutes later, you and Jill were in your wolfsburg kits and tracksuits, ready to leave for the game. Rory was sitting on your lap, playing with your hair as you held her. You had always been protective of Rory, scared she would get taken away.

A knock at the door pulled you out of your own head, and Jill opened it slowly. "Hey guys!" Viv said, hugging Jill and then looking over to you.

Her face fell in confusion as she saw Rory. "You guys babysitting again?" Beth asked, giving Jill a small hug.

The apartment was silent and felt cold. "She’s our daughter." You said out of nowhere.

There was silence in the apartment, broken by Beth. "Uhm. What do you mean… daughter?" Beth asked.

And then it was time for a story. You explained everything, Jill chipping in here and there, until you stopped talking.

"Okay then. That’s-" Viv seemed quite stunned, and a bit pale. "We called you here to ask you to take care of her during the game. The babysitter canceled and-" Jill started saying. "Yea! That’s a great idea. Right Viv?" Beth said, obviously trying to get her girlfriend out of her trance. "Yeah." She said, nodding slowly. "Come here, sweetie." Viv said.

Rory ran over to Viv and jumped into her arms, so Viv picked her up. "We really need to go, but we’ll see you guys after the game?" Jill said.

You kissed your daughter on the cheek, hugged Beth and Viv and then walked out of the apartment. "Oh and one more thing guys, do not tell anyone who she is."

It was the 88th minute when a penalty got awarded to Wolfsburg. Bayern was winning 2-1, and this was exactly what Wolfsburg needed. An equalizer.

Your captained Wolfsburg, and you tried to offer the ball to Lena, but she declined, telling you this was your time.

You struck it very well. It wasn’t a poor penalty, but sometimes keepers save it. The bayern keeper did well, and saved your shot.

That’s how the game ended, 2-1. A loss. You groaned in annoyance, pulling your jersey over your face and letting a few tears fall. You didn’t want Rory to see you cry but you were angry with yourself.

"You did great, my love. It happens." Jill said, putting her arm around you as you lowered your jersey and revealed wet cheeks and red eyes.

You walked on the pitch, clapping at the fans and soon saw that Viv and Beth had been let onto the field. They were running around with Rory and found a ball to pass with her. But Rory lost interest quickly as she came running to Jill. "Isn’t that your friends daughter or something? She’s like your kid." Lena laughed. "She’s not! She- I’m! I don’t have a kid." Jill stuttered as Rory ran around her.

"Mama! Mama! Why is mommy crying?" Rory asked.

Rory had broken the rule.

When she was a baby, it wasn’t a problem, but now that she was older, you and Jill had invented a game where around your teammates she got a special pass to call you by your first names. But from a little kid, what would you expect.

The Wolfsburg girls froze, all having heard the little girls words. "Why is she crying, mama?" Rory said again, tugging at Jill’s jersey.

Your face fell and you crouched down to Rory’s height, the little girl running towards you and jumping into your arms. "What does she mean by mama and mommy?" Alexandra asked, looking between the both of you.

You didn’t say anything, just cried silently into your daughters hair. Emotions were sky high, and you were tired and angry and disappointed and scared for your child. "You cannot tell anyone!" You whispered yelled. "Any of you. We didn’t say anything for a reason. We needed to keep her safe. Okay? So just… yeah we have a kid. Oh we’re also married." You said, handing your daughter over to your wife and storming into the tunnel. "Mama’s mad." Rory said, making some of the girls smile at her.

"Okay, Jill." Lena said, walking over to the dutch and her daughter. "Give me Rory and go talk to your… wife… apparently." Lena said. "You sure?"

"Yes. Go." Lena picked up the little girl, placing her on her hip. "You’re stinky." Rory said. "Thanks sweetheart."

Jill jogged into the tunnel where you were pacing up and down. "Baby…" she said gently. "He'll find her. He can’t find her! He can’t!" You sobbed, shaking as you walked. "Y/n." Jill said sternly, grabbing your arm gently and pulling you towards her. She wrapped her arms around you, putting a hand on the back of your head and holding it to the crook of her neck. "It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay." She said a couple of times. "The team knows now, they know. You know what that means? That girl is the most protected child in the world. She has the german captain protecting her and another 10 german girls. European finalists. She has Sveindís who’s probably the most loving person ever, she has Rebecka and if she has Rebecka then she has the whole swedish team. She’s also gonna have the entire netherlands squad with her. And she has Viv, so she has Arsenal. And if she has Arsenal she has Leah. And if-" Jill started saying. "She has England. I know." You laughed. "Yeah. And even if she didn’t have them, she has her mums. She has her mama and her mommy. And that’s all she needs." Jill said to you, rubbing her hand down your back. "You’re right. You’re right." You whispered. "I love you. And I love our daughter." You said, pulling away and kissing her.

"Let’s go back out." Jill said. She grabbed your hand and you guys walked out together, for once, you didn’t let go. You held on to her as you walked out of the tunnel and onto the pitch, and what you saw could have mad you start crying again. Rory was standing at the penalty mark, the ball in front of her and Merle in net. Rory ran up and hit the ball poorly, Merle faked a dramatic fall to the left as the ball rolled very slowly into the net. When the ball went over the line, Merle pretend to be mad as the whole team screamed and ran over to Rory, acting as though she had just scored the best goal ever. Rory laughed loudly, her young kid belly laugh filling the stadium. Lena picked her up and put her on her shoulders, celebrating with her.

Even after a loss, your team still had your back, and now, they would have your daughters.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

This morning I woke up, 4 days after payday, with my bank account fully in the negative, little to now grocery shopping done in the past 6 weeks due to finances, and exhausted. I drove to the food pantry (because there's not a busline from the house to it, and I wouldn't have had money for a ticket even if there was) and even though it's named for a Jewish concept using a Hebrew word with Jewish religious significance, I pulled up to a Methodist Church. I sat in their sanctuary surrounded by pride flags and other people in need of food, and waited 90minutes to be called into the distro space. There, a woman sat with me and stared for a moment at my listed income on my application sheet and asked three times if it was right before slowly entering the information she knew would disqualify me from the program and quietly told me I could not pick up an allotment. I told her I understood and made a joke about never imagining I could make this much money in my life, let alone make it and still not afford groceries, and she told me I couldn't pick up an allotment but if I spoke with her supervisor they'd make sure I didn't leave empty handed. I said I was grateful and that if they had rice and sugar I could make do for a month. The program director told me they don't have sugar, but packed me a small bag of rice and canned veggies and some apples and frozen blueberries, and I told them again that I was grateful and it was true.

I don't know why I'm typing this out. I feel so weird and have been wrestling with this since leaving the food pantry. I don't really have a point here. I *am* grateful they helped me when they had no need to. I *am* grateful they're here to be asked for help. They were kind and treated all of us (not just me) as human, and it's clear they knew many of the people there with me as regulars. I walked by a staff person praising an elderly woman's new haircut since her last visit, saying she looked beautiful, and the woman glowed! Everyone was talking and having a lovely time and clearly felt welcome and safe there.

But I saw how everyone treated the children. They were happy, well loved children, visibly. They smiled and waved at me when I walked by, and they were full of play and energy. Which is maybe part of why they were confused and slow to recall when their parents tried to keep them calm and still. It was maybe why they were delighted that I smiled and waved and sat with them, since no other adult was doing it. No one was even looking at them except to "keep them out of trouble". I remember places like that when I was young. I remember the ones who could see my mom as human enough to give her boxes of fruit and current-day sell date foods in the back of a store or church house. But who couldn't see me, her child, as human enough to even say hello to me or ask my name. It taught me that begging was something you do carefully, a dance of placation, pitifulness, and humble pride, all carefully added in drops until the person who can keep you from starving decides if and how to do that. As a child, my clumsy social graces weren't up to the challenge of keeping the steps of the dance, so it was better I stay silent than risk destabilizing my mother's work. I found myself dancing her steps this morning, and hating myself for the way I framed and shared my truth, regretful and brought low instead of asserting my humanity not be pinned upon my financial status. I didn't lie to anyone. Nothing I said was untrue or even eliding of truth. But I knew that the truth only mattered as it fit a particular story of need, and so I made sure it did.

This is charity, I think. Earning the gifts from your benefactors that will allow you to survive, all while remaining just pitiable enough, just small enough, not to threaten their sense of distance from you. They're here to aid the needy. It helps remind them that they are not us. But I am. In every way. So what has gone wrong? How could this be? It disrupts the reassurance.

It's why they had no sugar you see. No chips, no snacks, no sweets for the children, and no sugars. Sugars are a luxury. Not a basic staple of cooking. At least not to them. Sugars are used for cakes and candies, not for marinades and cooking oils. So why should we need them? It would just hurt our health anyway.

I've decided what this post is I think. It's a recipe.

Sin-free Simple Syrup Recipe

Live in economic freefall? Rely on church run food donations to eat? Really tired of someone trying to suggest that fruit serves the same role as fucking sugar in your efforts to feed yourself?

Me too, bitch, me too.

Reinvigorate your sense of self after having it ripped apart to appease the charity staff with this 4 ingredient fruit-flavored simple syrup that can be used as liquid sugar in many recipes (as long as you don't mind fruity sugar in your recipe!)

4 cups frozen fruit (blueberries, in my case)

1 cup room temp water

A squeeze of citrus juice or crushed ginger root if you have it (to taste)

1-2 tablespoons of sugar-sap product (maple syrup, honey, molasses, etc) or 1-2 tablespoons of sugar (any kind) depending on what's available

Throw all together with any other flavors you may care for (spices, etc) in a heavy saucepot, and simmer on low/medium-low until reduced to your preferred syrup texture, then transfer to an airtight container and chill. It can store for 2weeks, so cut the batch in half or quarters if you expect to not use much in that timeframe.

I use simple syrup in ratios of about 1tbs simple syrup for every 3-4 tablespoons of dry cane sugar, and about 1tbs simple syrup for every ¼cup of sugar-sap product. Feel free to experiment and find your own substitute ratios.

[sweetbillwriting]

In The Dead of Night

TWO

Description: Delilah is on sick leave from her job and doesn't have much to do in the days. Her life has always been safe and a bit boring but everything changes when she falls in love with her best friend's dead brother.

Characters: AU Eric played by Bill Skarsgård from The Crow (2024)

Setting: This story is set in A WHOLE OTHER WORLD than the movie. Shelley isn't a part of this story. Eric will be different from the movie, especially because I haven't seen the movie.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

Notes: It's not so easy being a writer in the Bill fandom so I'm greatful for every comment, like and reblog 🤍

I've made a post with what songs I imagine them listening to.

My masterlist

We walk in silence at first, looking at family homes with their lights off and no cars on the driveway. It was a ghostly version of the street I knew, but I didn't care because I could feel Eric's presence next to me. His towering height and broad shoulders made him take up most of my left side’s visual field. I saw him in the corner of my eye, felt his looming presence, but also knew I would be able to touch him if I just put out my hand to the side. He walked so close, even if he was dead.

“You lived here when you were little?” He suddenly asked with a soft voice. I smiled a little and looked at the third house in front of us.

“Yeah, in the third one. With my parents and my three siblings. It was nice; it was just nice people living here. Where did you live as a kid? I know you had two homes…”

I asked my question carefully. I had tossed the thing about him being dead to the side and instead dived into our date completely. He made me relaxed and warm, and I felt safe asking him private questions. I looked up at his profile, meeting the “Lullaby” tattoo instead of his eyes, but he smiled a little while looking down at Odin, who walked calmly on his other side.

“I don't know what Robin told you, but we lived in this small little village when we were kids, like until I was 10? And he was 13. It was picturesque as fuck….” He smiled a little to himself. There was something so calm and sweet in his way of talking, like he lacked the ability to cover up his emotions. His soul felt completely exposed, but not in a weak way, just in a way that gave him strength and sincerity.

“But I also lived with my biological mom one weekend a month…”

He didn't go into details but told me about his mother's apartment in the big city. The contrast between being with Lotti and Eric, who put on his bike helmet for him and didn't let him leave the neighborhood alone while his biological mother, Linda, let him go out to play on the streets of the big city in the middle of the night.

“I know today she let me do that so she could have some privacy while she shot up. She couldn't even stop for a weekend…” He said with a shoulder shrug.

I nodded with big eyes. My own life felt weird to talk about now, when I knew my life would sound like a children's book without a plot.

“Are you close with your siblings?” He asked, and we turned back to the playground again. It didn't feel like we had walked in another direction other than forward, but now we were back in the same place we had started.

“Sure, or… Yeah, but things change, I guess? My little brother is doing his own thing in London—some computer thing bullshit, I don't know. He earns money, that I know. My oldest has kids and lives a suburban life. My other sister is my boss, and…” I made a doubting sound and breathed out. I didn't feel the need to lie to Eric; I just didn't know how to phrase it.

“It's weird having your sister as a boss?” Eric asked, and he let Odin's leash go. I didn't react at first to his careless action, and when I finally realized that the leash was lying on the ground, I also realized that Odin stood still, watching Eric with big eyes. I thought about taking the leash, but something in me told me I could trust Eric with him.

“I hate it. I hate it so much, and... Then I got this problem with my shoulder after a gym session, and..."

Eric smirked a little and gave me a pointed, teasing smile.

“Shut up!” I said it with a laugh and hit his chest.

“I didn't even say anything,” he said, amused, and pretended to duck away from my pats.

"Yes, you did! With your eyes!”

“Can I talk with my eyes?” He acted astonished and dropped his jaw.

“Yes! Yes, you can!”

“How do they sound?”

We both laughed, and after we calmed down and I had stopped pretending to hit him, I dared to stay close to him. I tilted my face back to see him, and he looked down at me with big eyes and a dimpled smile.

“You don't really have so much trouble with your shoulder, as you say?” He said with a kind smirk. I furrowed my nose in distaste, appalled by myself.

“I can't stand being in her shadow, and... Your brother is a pain in the ass too!”

Eric laughed, and like it was the most natural thing, he laid his arms around me and pulled me closer to his body. He was warm and smelled like expensive cologne. Nothing like a dead body. I giggled at my thought, and I think it made Eric embarrassed because he looked down at the ground with the same dimpled smile.

“Ehm,” he walked up to the swings and took a hold of one. Odin walked close to him, and I got used to it fast. My dog had a new master.

“Your seat, ma’am?” He said it politely and gestured toward the swing. I didn't know I could smile bigger than I already did, but I did when I sat down on the swing. Eric took the one next to me but stood on it, and started to swing with power. I just let mine sway under me. Odin lied down in front of us, pleased, and closed his eyes. It seemed like both he and I liked our strange company a bit too much.

“Your mom misses you so much,” I said when Eric slowed down his swing and stood towards me. He smiled a little sadly, and nodded.

“I never wanted to hurt her... But I did. They did everything for me, but I… I wasn't capable of taking their gifts.They gave me everything… Really everything..”

We were both quiet and took in what he had said. Maybe it became too sad for Eric because suddenly he had started to climb on the swing set to reach the highest point. He did it so easily, like his body weighed nothing, but the pained sounds from the poles told me something else. He laughed a little when he was up, and so did I. He looked at me almost proudly for his accomplishment.

“Now you will never come down from there. Now you're stuck,” said I, like a teasing mom, and stood up with one hand around the pole. I did a lazy spin around it, and just when I was back with my face towards him, he leaned back on the pole and let himself fall. Once again, I acted like a mother and ran up to him, believing in my panic that I would be able to catch the tall man, but I didn't need to do that. Eric hung over the horizontal pole by his bent knees and giggled at me boyishly.

“Did you think you needed to catch me?”

I feigned an irritated smirk and moved up to him. His upside-down face was at the same level as mine.

“No…” His hoodie and the white garment under it had moved a bit down by gravity and I could see an Adonis belt carved into his hips and scribbled tattoos. The pants sat so low that I could also see veins crawling down to his crotch. I swallowed dryly, especially because he didn't seem to acknowledge my view. In my dreamlike state, I dared to walk up to him, stand close to him, and meet his upside-down eyes. The big green eyes. There were secrets in them. Dark, heavy secrets and history, even if they smiled.

“You know this reminds me of something,” he said with a teasing voice, and I knew exactly what he meant. Everyone knew about that pop culture moment.

“Fuck you!” I said it with a laugh, and he smiled big, so I saw his dimple again. When both his and my eyes softened and we looked at each other in a more intimate way, I dared to drag my hands through his mullet and touch the tattoos by his hairline.

“So the spider web is a tribute to Spiderman?” My flirty way was back, but in a calmer way.

"Yeah, I did it when I was ten. Nah, it's actually a Russian prison tattoo. It shows how many people you have killed… Ehm,” he laughed, embarrassed, and then he showed me he wanted to jump down from the swing set. I moved a little, and just as easily, he pulled himself up and then jumped down on the ground.

“You mean you killed-”

“No, no! I was sixteen and thought it was cool. I added the spider a few years later so it would have another meaning.” He moved up to me, so we stood close together again. It felt natural to lay my arms around his neck, so I did. He answered by laying his arms around my waist. I looked at his face, took in everything about him, and I knew I was already falling in love with the man standing in front of me.

Eric's eyes shifted between my eyes and lips. I knew what he was thinking, and smoothly, I stood up on my toes so he would reach my lips.

He kissed me so softly that it felt like a plush, silk pillow was pressed to my lips. So softly that when he moved away, it felt like one of the butterflies had left my belly to touch my lips with its delicate wings.

×××

I was woken up by someone’s crying, but then also by Odin, who jumped up in my bed and attacked my face with his wet tongue. It made me sit up fast and push him away, and then I also saw Robin in the doorway to my bedroom. He had the key to my apartment, so that he was there didn't surprise me, but his loud crying did.

“Hey…” I stood up and moved close to him, even though I was just dressed in panties, and he hugged me hard, pushing me against his chest.

“It's my uncle... He's in the hospital.”

I looked up at him with worry. Would he lose his uncle too now?

“No.. What? Oh, my god. Robin… Will you go there?”

His uncle lived in the town where he had spent the most of his teens and adult life. I knew Robin didn't really like that town, but he nodded anyway.

“Yeah. Can you take Odin?”

He tried to calm down and wipe away his tears, but then he started to cry hysterically again. I laid his head on my shoulder.

“Yes, of course!”

I followed him home, together with Odin, and provided emotional support while he was packing. He calmed down slowly, and then, when it was time for him to go, he was calm and able to drive the car.

I had mixed feelings about having Odin again. He was my baby. I loved him so much, but I also felt quite restrained by him. Not that I had so much to do, but if something showed up, I wouldn't have anyone who could take him.

When I came home, I made some coffee, and while the brewer did its job, I looked at the photos lying on the kitchen table. Luckily for me, Robin hadn't seen the pictures of his brother. It was one of him in profile, sitting on a couch. There was one of him, maybe just seconds after he had turned to the photographer, his arm resting on his head and a big contagious smile on his lips. The last one was one of the more exposing pictures. He was lying against the headboard of the bed, showing off his body in black silk boxer shorts. His eyes were intense, and he looked at you in a magnetic way that made it almost impossible to look away. I sighed to myself, thinking back on my dream. It felt like I could still feel his kiss on my lips, and his voice was carved into me even if I hadn't heard it for real.

I wished I could have stayed there with him. In a world where the dead were walking.

×××

I walked around and around my apartment until the afternoon. There were so many thoughts and feelings in me, and I didn't know what to do with them. I worried a lot for Robin. He had lost his dad and his younger brother, and his mother had a brain injury. Would he now also lose his uncle? It would be tragic, and I thought to myself that I would do everything in my power to be the family he needed.

I thought about Lotti. She was also lonely. She had lost her husband and one of her sons and was now in an elderly home alone. A mother should never outlive her own child, and even if Eric was just a foster kid, he had become her son.

I also thought about my own situation. I was home for an injury that wasn't as serious as I pretended. I hated my job and my boss, even if it was my own sister. I loved her, Desiree, but I hated her as a boss. Sometimes I dreamed about just running away.

But I must think about my dream. It felt so real. It had really felt like I met him and were close to him, but waking up in my bed alone made me realize Eric was just an imagination. I would do anything to dream about him again, kiss his lips, and hear the stories about his tattoos.

I sat and looked at Odin destroying one of my socks until I decided to walk to the bedroom, crawl down in bed, and shut my eyes.

Please, please, please. Let me meet Eric again!

×××

It didn't work, no matter how much I tried. Odin even laid down next to me in bed, and it could have worked so well, but I just slept twenty minutes without dreaming of anything.

I knew the disappointment would just make me restless and, yet again, make me walk round and round in my apartment. I needed to do something and found myself outside of my workplace. The hair salon. I looked in through the window carefully because Odin was with me, and some of my colleagues waved to me. It wasn't that long ago that I visited them, so I didn't think they would come out to say hello; most of them also had a customer in their chair. My sister also had a customer and gave me just an irritated look. I nodded towards a bench standing by a tree on the other side of the road, and she gave me a nod. We had been sitting there several times during the three months I had been home from work.

Me and Odin sat down on the bench. He was busy watching the doves and flirting with people walking by. I just sat and illuminated my phone screen over and over and looked towards the salon. I waited there for fifteen minutes until my sister came out with furrowed brows and crossed arms. Sometimes it felt like she knew I exaggerated my injury, but I also knew she would have said something then.

“I just want to talk about Robin…” I said carefully and played with Odin's leash while he and Desiree said hello to each other. She sighed and sat down on the bench.

“Okay, but do you have to look like a hobo when you come here? You’ve always looked so good; now you look…” She shrugged her shoulders. I looked down at my gray sweatpants, chopped at the knee, and my pink tank top. When I worked, I was really into vintage, but now it felt quite unnecessary to dress up. I cleared my throat, avoiding her question, and looked down at Odin while I continued to talk.

“So you know about his uncle… I'm worried about him. He will be so alone.”

Desiree looked at me with empathetic eyes and took my hand in hers. She knew how important Robin was to me, even if she had known him longer than I had. He worked at the salon when I started to work there.

“Yeah… But he has us,” she said with a nod and moved closer to me.

“Of course… Did you know he had a younger brother? Who died?”

It wasn't my thing to tell my sister about, but I was too curious. Even if I was really worried for Robin, for real, I also couldn't stop my fascination for his dead brother. My sister nodded a little.

“You mean the foster kid? Yeah, I heard about him from Georgia. Shit, so fucking weird, Robin of all people had such a foster kid in his family.”

“What do you mean?” Something stabbed me in the chest when she talked so harshly about Eric.

“He was such a fucking junkie. Like, he sold drugs, had an overdose, and looked like a gulag prisoner. He was a criminal in more ways, too. Like fuck, complete opposite of Robin!”

Desiree looked at me with big eyes; her empathy felt a bit forced now, and the gossip devil in her peaked out through her eyes. I felt weird about what she said about Eric. In a way, it felt like I knew him and wanted to protest, but I didn't know a thing. I didn't know who Eric actually was.

“Robin's family seems to have been that perfect little suburban family; that guy couldn’t have fit in at all... But Georgia said it's a super sensitive subject for Robin. Even if he was just a foster kid.”

I looked away, towards a playground close by. I felt sick by what my sister said, and in some ways, I wished she had never told me. I didn't want to judge Eric, but drugs for me were disgusting, and I felt pain in my whole body thinking about it. I didn't want to see Eric like one of those people lying unconscious on drugs on a stranger's couch or snorting powder in a public bathroom. I wanted him to be that cute guy he was in my dream, but that started to feel like an impossibility now that I knew on what level he used drugs.

×××

Blue light blinked above me and made my sequin top glitter. It was a halterneck top I had bought in a vintage shop in Milano two years ago, but I had never had the opportunity to wear it. I loved the purple sequin pattern and looked at the top with a smile. I wore it with a pair of dark flared jeans. In my admiration for my outfit, I forgot to look around but had then seen that I stood completely alone in a club, in the middle of the dance floor, but I wasn't alone for long.

"Hey, beautiful,” said a smooth voice I recognized behind me. I looked back and met the big green eyes I had fantasized about since I saw them in a photo. I shone up with a bright smile. My dream self wasn't at all as reserved, and I ran up to him, and he caught me in his open arms. Both of us laughed softly and looked at each other with a warm gaze.

Eric was dressed in a big black t-shirt with a wide collar that showed off collarbones and tattoos. It was matched with bleached, trashed jeans with a studded belt, and in his left ear he had a small dagger earring. The outfit was nothing I would have wanted to see a guy in, but on him, it was something else. It was a bit trashy, but in a sexy way.

With a shy smile, he put my hair behind my ear with delicate fingers. I wanted so badly to kiss him. Because of his boyish ways, sexy eyes framed with eyeliner, and manly body, but especially because he seemed so kind and lovable.

So I did. I stood up on my toes and kissed his warm lips, and he kissed back at once, so I never needed to wonder if I did the right thing. He stayed close after, with his forehead against mine, and we laughed again.

“Hi,” I said in a giggle.

“Hey,” he said with a blushy smirk. I dragged my hands over his silly mullet and down over his eyebrow tattoo.

“Hi,” I said again, and I felt my cheeks glow in the same color as my newly kissed lips.

×××

We danced to non-existent music on an empty dance floor. Eric kissed me softly over and over until it became a deep make-out session. He was soft and sensual in every kiss and succeeded in making every hair stand up on my body. It was a beautiful contrast—his romantic ways against his hard look. I had really thought he would be a heartbreaker, or rather, a douchebag, an asshole, but his sweet ways couldn't belong to such a guy. Eric was a good boy, just like his mother had said.

“Where is the music?” Eric asked suddenly and looked around the dance floor.

“What do you mean? There hasn't been any music?”

Eric gave me a confused smirk and dragged a hand over the side of his face.

“Seriously? I thought it was…” He laughed a little but then took a fast sprint towards the DJ’s podium. He climbed it just as easily as he had climbed the swing set and gave the electronics a look.

“Do you know such things?” I asked and moved close to the podium.

“I've worked in clubs... Even as a DJ,” he smirked a little embarrassed and started to plug in the cords.

“Is this a club you've worked at, maybe?

I made a little spin on the dance floor when System of a Down’s Radio/Video streamed out from the speakers. It was probably nostalgic for both of us, even if I've been just a wannabe alternative while he was the real deal.

“No, I was here a lot when I was, like 18? It was the only bit more alternative place, so me and my fellow... depressed friends came here to do MDMA.”

He jumped down the podium and spinned me in, close to his body. He gave me a searching look when I looked down on the floor. The drugs made me uncomfortable, even if I wanted to be such a person who could be chill around drugs and not be a prude, but I was. I had never had any contact with drugs and didn't even know what MDMA was, really.

“It’s nothing serious. Ecstasy, you know?” He said it carefully and dragged his hands over my waist. “It's just a party drug…”

I dragged my hands over his neck but continued to look down, not because I judged him but because my eyes had become shiny. I couldn't stop thinking about what Desiree told me.

“What drugs have you taken?” I asked quietly, and I could feel his hands stiffen on my waist. He had probably understood I hadn't done any, and he would sound like a junkie whatever he said. He breathed out deeply.

“I think the better question would be what haven't I tried.”

I looked up at him with tear-filled eyes, and he looked back. I could see he was ashamed, even if he didn't want to hide anything from me.

“Heroin?”

“That too. It's so much cheaper…”

The tears in my eyes streamed down my cheeks now.

“Oh my god… Eric… Why… Why did you do that to yourself?” I dragged my hands over his cheeks and neck, both admiring his face and letting my heart break at the thought of what he had done to himself—how he had killed himself.

Eric didn't say anything; instead, he leaned down and pushed his nose against my neck. I dragged my hands over his broad back, up in his hair, and out over his shoulders. He cried without any sound, and I just continued to let him break down in my arms.

×××

We had moved to one of the couches in the seating area, a stairway up. It was just as empty there, and the music wasn't so loud that we needed to shout to one another, as it usually would be in a club. Eric had put on one of his own Spotify playlists that rolled in the background, and I was a bit surprised he could even do such a thing in this dreamworld. He even gave me his username, and I wrote a note mentally to search for it. We listen to nostalgic music that made us laugh: Offspring, Blink-182, and Snoop Dogg, but also nostalgic music that is still his favorites: Bauhaus, Public Enemy, and Joy Division. First, I didn't dare to say what I listened to, but when I confessed my deep love for Lana Del Rey, he just smiled and agreed with me. He didn't seem to be the judgmental type.

We talked about classical date subjects. Interests (he worked out as often as he could but had played the guitar and drawn comics when he was younger), food (he tried to be a vegan but felt he lost muscle mass by it and he just LOVED meat), clothes (he liked thrift stores but also luxury brands because the quality was nice against his skin), and work (he had a hard time keeping a job so he had tried many things but most often came back to being a bartender). He was an open book and asked me just as many questions as I asked him. He was the perfect date.

He sat with his feet up on the table in front of him and his legs spread. I could see skin in the many holes in his light jeans and had laid my cheek against his chest to look at them. He played with my hair between his fingers, and I could feel his smile against my head.

“Can you tell me a bit about your tattoos? How many have you?”

Eric laughed, and I could feel how he leaned his head back. I looked up at him and saw a smile so wide it caused creases around his eyes.

“Do you think I know that?” He looked down at his muscular arms, covered in tattoos, then pulled up his t-shirt and showed even more tattoos, but also those defined abs. I didn't know if he showed them on purpose, to let me see, but I got that feeling when I dragged a fingertip over his stomach and felt him flex. I had never touched a guy that ripped and took the opportunity to drag my hand from his sternum to the elastic of his Saint Laurent underwear. God, I wanted to lick every bit of exposed skin, but that would probably be too much for now.

“You're so fucking hot,” I said instead, lifting my head up so I could look at him properly but also try to get a kiss. He gave me a dark smile and put his fingertip against my chin.

“So are you.”

He kissed me softly at first, but it just took seconds before we made out deeply. Our tongues danced well together, like a heated tango. I drew back not only because I needed to breathe but also because I could feel my cheeks warm.

“You were a bartender?” I asked teasingly and put a finger against his chest. “Shouldn't you take my order?”

Eric laughed a little, but then looked uncomfortable.

“I can't. Drink, I mean. But I can see if I can find something for you.” He stood up, and I sat up better. His energy had changed drastically.

“Oh… You… Is... Alcohol is that like, because... Your addiction?”

“No, no. Ehm…” He stuffed his hands deep in the front pocket of his jeans and looked around. “I can't do it because... I don't really know, but something tells me I can't drink in my state. You know, I'm dead.”

He continued to look at everything other than me, and, for a moment, I felt the same thing as he. He was dead and would never be a part of the real world ever again. We were silent, but after a while, I felt a need to break the tragic moment and enjoy the time we had together.

“I'm just so fucking hot. Can you help me with that?”

Eric looked at me now, first like he didn't understand what I said, but then he smirked. Big.

“Oh, I can help you with that.”

With fast feet and a hard grip on my hand, he pulled me out of the empty club and out to a dark street. It was in the middle of the night, completely dark but also completely silent. I couldn't see a car or a window with the lights turned on. It was just dark, with only the full moon illuminating the world for us. We ran over the streets in a giggle while street lights blinked by our presence. It was magical. If I didn't have Eric, I would have been scared and stressed, but holding his big, warm hand and seeing his playful smile made it all just exciting.

He took me to an open space between high buildings. First, it looked completely empty until I saw a pattern in the middle, small metallic openings. Eric moved away to a bench, and behind it was a locked fuse box. It didn't look much to the world, and it probably wasn't because Eric started to kick it harshly. I watched him silently, confused, but didn't feel worried. It didn't seem like cops existed in this world.

“It's such fucking cheap shit, so you can just kick and pull the hatch open,” he said before continuing to kick. After a while, he had kicked it hard enough with his black vans to get his fingers in the hatch and pull it up. He gave me a little smirk before looking towards the pattern in the ground and clicking some buttons. It was a fountain hidden in the paving stones.

He smiled proudly but also looked a bit blushy when I laughed and kicked off my Converse. I ran out in the fountain without any doubt and let the hard beams hit my body. The water was cold against my warm skin, but I didn't freeze, especially not when Eric joined me, without his shoes and without his shirt. I laughed and threw myself around his neck. I felt so free, and my chest glowed with love and euphoria.

Eric laughed too and spinned me around in his strong arms before kissing me again. I dragged my hands over his naked skin, enjoying every muscle and every line. The broad shoulders, the strong arms, and the muscular chest. I was so horny, I felt my sex ache. It didn't feel like there were any rules anymore, and I pulled off my halterneck top so my chest was as bare as Eric's. I dragged my fingers through my wet hair, pushed it back, and wiped away some smudged mascara. I looked up at Eric, who was also black around his eyes with watery black eyeliner. His big green eyes looked at my chest, then up to my face. With a shy little smile, he asked for permission to touch my breasts, and I helped by laying one of his big hands on my tits so he could give it a squeeze.

“These are some beautiful fucking boobs,” he said, and I laughed. He embraced me from behind and played with my breasts in his hands. The fountain continued to spray us with water, but we almost didn't notice anymore. I had taken one of Eric's fingers and sucked it down to his knuckle while he kissed my neck. I had never been so horny.

“Please just fuck me,” I whined, pushing my ass against his crotch. He groaned, and I could feel a hint of an erection. I spun around so I could explore what was hiding behind bleached denim and Saint Laurent cotton, but Eric had taken his own initiative and opened his studded belt with a jiggle. He unbuttoned his jeans, and at the same time he looked at me, he started to pull them down with his boxers. I could see shortly trimmed, dark pubic hair, and then I almost held my breath when I saw the hilt of his cock-

×××

The image of a wet, shirtless Eric disappeared, and instead I saw more and more of the light coming from my window. I had forgotten to pull down the blinds, and the bright May sun had woken me up from my perfect dream.

What the fuck?

×

[max1461]

People who advocate communal living over the nuclear family don’t know anything about communal living or what it’s like, and probably believe the nuclear family was invented in America in the 50s.

Fact: nuclear family styled homes have been the norm among Germanic and Anglo-Saxon since medieval times. Further evidence suggests nuclear families existed in the Stone Age.

Fact: communal living is usually a recipe for gerontocratic inbred filth-living. “Oh, grandpa molested the girls again. Oh well, he’s the patriarch and we can’t do anything about it. Time to go sleep on a wide bed with my six cousins. My mom will cook for me until she dies. They’ll arrange marriages for me because how the fuck would people date in a living situation like this?”

Fact: the nuclear family offers more freedom for the kids and the parents both

Fact: the only reason people rail against the nuclear family now is because homes are so expensive. If homeownership became easy and commonplace again, people would want to live on their own with their spouse and young kids

This is all clearly very BAP influenced, and your latter three "facts" are just opinions (BAP's opinions I gather), and not very well substantiated ones at that.

More importantly, the longhouse arrangement is not what I was referring to when I talked about "more communal child rearing". I described a situation in which

Children have physical autonomy to move around within a community freely and leave the home without parental oversight

The responsibilities of childcare are understood to be distributed throughout the community, to the various adults in whatever measure they can provide

Children are free to associate with those adults they feel most comfortable around. I have heard (but not corroborated), in the context of the Caribbean where I gather childcare is often more distributed in this way, of children essentially "voluntarily adopting themselves" into other families that they liked better than their own.

The interactions that adults have with children are essentially open to public scrutiny by other adults, an expansion of the way that universal public schooling makes the abuses of parents more visible to other adults who can intervene.

The situation you describe, where "grandpa can molest the girls because he's the patriarch", is precisely the situation I'm trying to avoid. That is the outcome of nuclear family. Nuclear family, children isolated to the home and treated as property of their parents with no say in the matter, that's a child abuse factory.

BAP is all aesthetics. I'm not saying he has nothing of value to offer at all (I don't know, I haven't read him), but he does not have policy, he does not offer mechanisms. I (attempt to) offer mechanisms. They might not be perfect, or fully fleshed out, but they are a start. Come debate me at that level instead of saying "FACT: [opinion]".

[venomoustripmine]

OOC LORE POST

Right, since im antsy and love sharing lore about aus, and this is the first au i'm sharing with the world ever if i'm being honest, here's a bit more about the au and backstory. ill split this up in three tiers, Differences from canon, subspace's backstory, and a bit of relations (aka what subspace thinks of others/what has happened between the two characters in the au)

read after the cut off!

first up the differences from canon!

Instead of being born from the spawn, demons are hatched from eggs! and are often really fluffy and small as children

eggs are either wild born or magic born, wild born eggs just magically appear in the wild, often hatch out in the wild and live as orphans until adopted while magic born are "biological". two(or more) demons use some energy from themselves to produce an egg with dna from each demon that helps

wild born eggs are often wildly different from their parents while magic born aren't wild born demons are independent while magic born have a "duckling" stage

anyone can produce a magic born egg as long as they have help, the person who's designated the "mom" is often tired once a egg is made and needs to be cared for

often both wild born and magic born can be a subspecies(cow, crow, shark, deer, rattlesnake you get it.), mutations can evolve, even twins hatching from the same egg can happen, its all rare, but it's possible

Deities are slightly radioactive, causing more mutations in their children, not really important but i am talking about the au

Now we're up to subspace's backstory! which i'll just type out like a story, but disjointedly

Subspace was born from a magic born egg to an unnamed father and unnamed mother, her father going to get the milk soon before Subspace hatched which made her mother very bitter towards men. Once Subspace hatched, she was found to be "male" (the species is agender but have more masculine/feminine looks in body shape depending "gender") which only made her mother angry, causing her to be rather neglectful and harsh to Subspace most of her childhood. No matter what Subspace did to prove herself, she made things, she tried her best...she really did. But no matter what her mother said she'd "always be like every other man" which crushed Subspace's spirit a lot. One time her mother said she should have "just abandoned Subspace" because she would of been "less of a hassle that way", she wasn't allowed to befriend other kids, wasn't allowed to go outside forced to stay home with her mother. She made her first Biograft at the age of 4 almost going on 5, blackrock having kept their eyes on her and her inventions, the first Biograft was poorly made, but it worked for a bit! She carried it around and talked to it like a friend, though it's battery eventually fried and it wouldn't turn back on, and still won't. When Subspace turned 5 Blackrock higher ups talked to her mother, offering a wonderful life if she let Subspace work for them, she never had a connection to Subspace so she motioned for them to take her, which they did. Subspace started working at blackrock at 5, she looked up to Zuka as a father figure early on she would follow him around and cheer him on in training, so when Zuka left she was heart broken, the person she trusted was gone, the person guarding her from most of the hard work left. Around age 15 Medkit started working, Blackrock often using Subspace as a test subject for Medkit's healing powers, telling Subspace "we don't really care HOW you get hurt, just get hurt so we can see how Medkit's healing works". Subspace later "bonds" with Hyperlaser, despite the few year age gap, seeing him as a dad instead despite him not really liking her. The fight breaks out, Medkit gets angry and throws the chemicals at Subspace's face causing her loss of eye and major scarring, and in turn she retaliates, attacking and taking Medkits eye. Medkit runs away and Subspace is fully isolated and alone again, she's used to that though, who needs demon interaction when you have robotics anyway?...

Relationship time, get ready cause it's not good.

Medkit- While medkit messed up subspace's life, rendering her scarred, half blind, and unlovable according to her, she thinks she deserves it, she forgives medkit, hell, she even sort of likes medkit still despite being fearful of him

Sword- first interaction sword tried to stab her because of the story medkit spun, she understands he doesn't realize the real story and holds no ill will towards sword.

Scythe- Scythe on several occasions have grabbed subspace's horns, saying how pretty the horns would look on her wall going into detail on how she'd kill her if she ever harmed medkit again

Ban hammer- she tried to reach out to ban hammer as a friend, but got shot down instantly. ban arrested her once, but she was quickly let go due to her immunity, ban saying "we're not friends, don't act like we are" and "if it weren't for your immunity you'd be in banland by now."

Hyperlaser- basically canon subspace and hyperlaser, just minus the taunting and blackmail from subspace, he's one of the only people who respects subspace's pronouns! but he also tells her to shut up a lot.

any biograft/omegagraft/betagraft- thats her children guys!!!! she's so proud of her robotic sons!!! look at the murder machines go!!!

Traffic- one of the other people who respect her pronouns, she offers shelter when he's in blackrock, they're friends!

Zuka- they're not in contact anymore, they only interact when she heads to phights, thats it...

Lord pwnatious- the rich nepo baby she does not like and took the omegagraft from, they're on bad terms now. horrible for her pwn's family is a noble family

Rocket- they know vaugely of each other, but not enough for an opinion, (could have been siblings if zuka adopted subspace but alas...)

The Broker- Has probably sent her one too many threatining calls to make sure she stays away from harming medkit. she doesn't interact with him otherwise.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

As It Was

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Lila's in too much emotional distress to be any good on this mission, so Five has gone to the next best person. Who else would he take with him on a mission where he could get stranded than the man that has always kept him grounded in reality? Thankfully this time Viktor doesn't have much to loose. Warnings: Isolation, mentions of stomach-related illnesses, injuries, medical malpractice, and trans characters being forced to de-transition due to lack of healthcare Word Count: 8,088 Ship(s): Five Hargreeves/Viktor Hargreeves

Archive link!

A/N: I don't care if you didn't like Season 4. I did, I loved a lot of it and think that the people who didn't like it are being too loud and making fandom not fun anymore. If you didn't like it, you're still welcome to read this fic but I do. not. want. to. hear. about. it. I will block you. This is simply a fiktor reimagining of the Subway plotline because I have done a lot of fiktor reimaginings for other events in this show. That being said, I hope that you can enjoy this! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

When Five approached Lila with the proposition, her initial reaction was to immediately agree to go with him. She knew that the world was ending, it was something that always happened when all the Hargreeves were back together. She had been partially to blame for causing it the second time, when Viktor had been kidnapped and then blown up the FBI building in a torture-and-LSD infused rage. She had pushed for it in the first timeline too, by coaching certain people to make mistakes when it came to correcting the timeline. An event that big being mishandled would have gotten her mother a promotion, and she was taught her entire life that was a good thing. She knew that with the Hargreeves, there was an apocalypse to be solved. She had been itching for one since the twins were born and she was doomed to another two agonizing years o the kids being so little that they needed her at the home all the time. She wanted to have a crisis to solve, she wanted it so badly that she could feel it in her teeth.

She also knew that she couldn’t handle it. Not only had she aged what felt like an entire lifetime in the half a decade that they had spent in the new universe, but she’d given birth to three kids. She still had the mind of a trained assassin that would be able to deduce what was going on in a scene within minutes of arriving and talking to a couple of people, but she wasn’t sure that her body would be able to keep up with that big of a fight. She also knew that her children were depending on her and she wanted to be the mother that she’d never actually gotten to experience. The twins had toddler gymnastics and Grace had ballet, like they did every single week since they were two years younger. Grace had told her that she loved spending time with her mom after they had dropped the twins off and it was just the two of them in the car, and the thought of letting her daughter down like that ate her from the inside out.

“I have to get back to my family,” Lila said.

“I thought that I was part of your family,” Five huffed, a bit indignantly.

“Why do you want to save the world so badly this time, anyway? When the end of everything was staring you in the face and we had been offered a way to fix it all you kept spouting on and on about how another version of you had told you not to save the world,” Lila retorted. It was so much easier to bring it back to Five and his issues instead of admitting that even though she was bored out of her mind being a housewife, she wouldn’t trade being a mother for a single thing in the entire world or any timeline.

“I finally know what it’s like to live a life! The rest of you got the chance to do that when you were dumped into the sixties, well, not you specifically,” he waved his hand at her dismissively. He ran a hand through his long hair, which she sincerely hoped that he was going to get cut again when he was finished snooping around in the Keepers meetings that she was infiltrating to keep herself busy. “Look, I jumped forward to an apocalyptic wasteland when I was thirteen. I had to make my own way for the next forty-five years, which meant that every moment was spent working to keep myself alive instead of having the normal human experiences. Then I spent a grueling month fighting to stop apocalypses, or let them happen in the case of the Kugelblitz. I never got the chance to know what it was like to be an adult growing up in the world or a human interacting with and meeting new humans without being a member of an Academy. I just got a taste of that these last few years and I want to experience that longer. So I need your help.”

“Why my help specifically?” she asked, raising a brow at him. While it was true that she had kind of forced him down into the time-travel railway before, but that was before she had been reminded of the things that she had to do today. She also remembered the whole ordeal that he had gone through when it came to time traveling without the Commission and briefcase backing him up. She couldn't get lost for any amount of time, not when it might cause her children to start forgetting what type of perfume she used or the way that she laughed. That was what had happened to her with her own parents, she knee the pain that someone went through when they had to face that.

“Because you know how to do missions with exceedingly high levels of efficiency. We may never have worked together, but I did see your name on the leaderboard for most missions done in a day. You were just underneath me,” Five replied.

“Is that a compliment?” Lila asked, waggling her eyebrows at him. She turned around just in time to see Diego and Luther start arguing about something they likely agreed on. She watched the way that Diego’s hands made chopping motions in the air and then how he cupped the head of the stuffed reindeer that he had under his arm. He loved their children so much, he never let them see a sour face despite how much he hated the dead-end, abusive job that he had taken so that he could support them. She loved that man, even if they needed a second apart from each other so that they could figure out the whole mess that their marriage had become.

“It’s the closest thing that you’re going to get from me. That and the admission that you appear to make Diego actually happy,” Five said as he turned in the same direction that she had.

She looked back to him and then stared at her husband. She was a bit worried that she was going to be too intense with that look and accidentally turn on the laser-eyes that she apparently had. She really needed to figure out why she was doing that and how to control it. The last thing she wanted to happen was to cut a person in half when she didn’t want to. “Do you think so?”

Five tilted his head from side to side as he contemplated what he was going to say next. “Well, you don’t really make him happy any longer.”

Lila felt that burning shame in her belly grow even stronger than it had before. She felt it creep up her cheeks and neck so that they were flushed bright red as she put her hands on her hips. “What is that supposed to mean, you little creep?”

“It means that I can see the bullshit he’s putting up with and how miserable he is. You were frustrated with your extended family and the domestic life that was forced upon you, so you decided to have ‘book club’. He doesn’t have anything like that. He goes to work at a job that he hates, that doesn’t respect him and that’s incredibly repetitive. He then comes home to a wife that doesn’t give a shit about him to take care of three kids under the age of ten to give you a break since you did mothering all day and have to get out of the house,” Five replied.

“So?” she asked as she folded her arms over her chest. She could see where he was going with this and she understood what he meant, but she wanted to push him further so that she could deny it a little bit longer. It was so much easier to pretend that she and Diego were absolutely fine that to face the reality that their marriage was falling apart.

“So, he’s bored and boxed into a life that he never wanted. Did you know that he and Viktor had a punk band before Dad sent him to Europe to go to music school? He ditched it and the band broke up because he loved missions so much. The change from being respected, to some extent, and able to help people to only ever being loved by his children has to be difficult,” Five commented. “Perhaps you should have talked to Diego about the high-adrenaline enrichment that you were doing for yourself before you decided that he wasn’t worth it.”

“I love Diego too!” Lila scoffed indignantly. Her husband was the light of her life, he had drawn out a part of her that she had never known existed and then stood steadily by her side as it flourished and flowered.

“You don’t show it. Telling him that you want to take a break because all he does is complain instead of listening to those complaints and assuring him that you don’t hate the way that his body is changing or helping him to fulfill his own needs is not love,” Five informed her.

She knew that she was right, those words struck through her faster than the bullets her mother had pumped into her body when she had turned into more trouble that she was worth. Still, it hurt just as much and she quickly became defensive of her actions. “What would you know about marriage and love?”

Five’s eyes sparked with a kind of fire that she had never seen before. He leaned forward as he spoke to her with a seething hatred. “More than you ever will, Lila. Now I’m going to go find someone else to help me stop this goddamn apocalypse while you reconcile with the husband you allegedly love.”

---

As Five turned on his heel and walked away from Lila, his heart ached. He saw himself in her more than he would ever admit and yet after all this time, she was still so hostile towards him. They both knew isolation, him through the apocalypse and her through being the only child to grow up at the Commission Headquarters. They both knew what it was to work as an assassin that had to choose the life of a couple of the lives of the many. They knew each other inside and out, and yet that similarity had only served to drive them further and further away from each other as time went on.

Five had let himself drift away from his family again. He had romanticized them in his head when he had been fighting so hard to get back to them and out of the Commission. He had forgotten how awful it was to be around Luther and Diego when all they were doing was bickering with each other, how moral-detonating Klaus’ most recent relapse for them could be, the sickening way that Allison thought she was better than all of them even though she no longer had a superpower that allowed her to get whatever she wanted simply by asking for it. Viktor was the only person that was the exact person he remembered in his mind, likely because they had spent the most amount of time together.

Over the last five years in the new universe, he had seen some changes in his brother. Viktor’s body had changed, with his voice deepening and his muscle redistributing itself with the changes in his hormonal balances. His face was more angular and beginning to grow the shadow of a beard as well, especially since they had been working too hard for either of them to find a moment where they could step aside and shave. He had changed quite a lot as a person, too. He was still sweet, caring, and shy as he had been when they were children. However, the amount of shyness that came out of him had been crumbled down into a tenth of what it had been when Five was still living with the rest of the Umbrellas. He was able to stick up for himself against their father, and was quick to defend himself when someone said something unfair.

Five liked the new version of his brother, enough so that it was reigniting feelings that he thought he had long since put away. He had Delores when he was in the apocalypse, but he also had Viktor’s voice ringing through his head in the form of the book that he carried around with him as a reminder about why he had to go home. Those things had kept him alive, and then he had been allowed to find meaning and purpose on his own. Those things were being threatened right now, and that scared the absolute shit out of him.

He hadn’t been that scared in a long time, not since he was a child that barely knew anything outside of missions and the two walls of his home. He knew that he had to do something about it, so he spotted Viktor standing near Allison and Luther and then immediately rushed towards him. He placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder to get his attention and then jerked his head in another direction to show what he wanted.

Viktor peeled away from the siblings that he had since grown closer to, walking a few feet away with Five. “What’s going on, are you okay?” Viktor asked.

“Not really, but I’m surprised that you were able to tell that,” Five huffed. He bit the insides of his cheeks as he realized just how sour and bitter it sounded while coming out of his mouth. He had meant to be saying something that would subtly manipulate Viktor into coming with him because he was the only other person in all of the universes and timelines that Five could imagine going on a dangerous trip with. If he hadn’t gotten antsy all those years ago and blurted it out during breakfast only to have to make a point for his thirteen-year-old pride, he would have taken Viktor with him the first time too.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Viktor asked, reeling back with an indignant expression on his face. Five didn’t fault him, what he had said was objectively rude.

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with Allison since this entire endeavor went down. I’m just surprised that you were able to notice a change in my behavior due to that,” he replied as he tried to get the topic back to where he had wanted it to be originally. “I’m glad that you noticed, Viktor, I really am.”

“I’ve been spending a lot of time with Allison because I think that she feels guilty for the way that she treated me in the other timeline. She’s been hanging around me like a bad smell and I’m kind of okay with it. It’s nice to be the person that has to do no work in the relationship, you know?” Viktor shrugged.

As Five looked at him, he saw the twelve-year-old that had sat beside him one day after a mission, bawling his eyes out. He had baked a cake with their mother that day as a special surprise for them, a desperate plea for his family to pay any attention to him so that he didn’t have to be so alone. When the siblings had found out that he was the one that had done the baking, they had all eaten a lot slower and more cautiously, like they were expecting him to somehow have poisoned them. Of course it would be more appealing to Viktor for his siblings to reach out to him when it had been the other way around for his entire life. It was simply another piece of the confidence that he had gained post-medication and coming out.

“I’m glad that she’s the one reaching out. What she did to you was borderline feral and not okay on several levels. I wouldn’t give her as much slack if I didn’t know how hard it was to be a person out of time when you belong to a minority,” Five said. “That being said, I would like to ask you to do just that with me.”

“What do you mean?” Viktor immediately responded. His head snapped towards Five and his dark eyes bore into the other man’s mind, as if trying to read his thoughts from a simple glance. 

It was a startling thing that Five had asked, he knew that for certain. It was frightening enough to be a queer woman back in the sixties, but it was another thing entirely to be a transgender man in any other time (and sometimes including) their own present. “I want to fix the apocalypse. I want to go back and stop the one thing that got us all into this mess so that we can come out the other side alright,” he said.

“Do we even know what’s causing the end of the world this time? Other than Ben and Jennifer, I mean,” Viktor said. The whole explanation that they had gotten from Abigail and Reginald concerning the end of the world had made very little sense to them this time around. Five was sure that they would end up figuring it out, but it wasn’t much to go off of for what he was asking.

“I was thinking that if we go back in time and either reset the universe, if we can find that place again, or stop Ben and Jennifer from touching each other in the van, then we can figure out how to stop The Cleanse from coming,” Five said. 

“I don’t know, Five, it sounds kind of weak. The last time that we went back in time it also didn’t end well,” Viktor shuffled awkwardly. “Are you sure that this is worth all the hassle?”

“Like I just explained to Lila, I want to fight for this life I have. It’s not everything that I had dreamed it was going to be, but it’s still something. I want to be able to have the chance to grow up in a world with other people, where I can have a job to sustain myself instead of having to dig through cans of exploded food and prey that my next meal doesn’t give me botulism,” Five said. He hadn’t realized how desperate he was for all of those things until they were spilling from him with no stop in sight. By the time that he had finished, his chest was having and his mind felt feral.

Viktor reached out and placed his hands on Five’s shoulders, enough to snap his brain out of the haze of memories that were pouring back in. It was so hard to be sick on his own, to be vomiting and not knowing if he was going to be able to find clean water in time to replace the water he had lost, or aching from an infection and hoping against all hope that the penicillin he had made himself would cure him. He had so much terror inside of him, for so long, that it was addicting to live in a world where he could finally be calm and sheltered from the horrors.

“Five, I don’t know if this is going to work. I don’t want you messing around with time and us getting sent somewhere worse. Dad has an idea for how we can get Jennifer and Ben back to him. Maybe Abigail will come up with an idea to extract the durango and shoot it into space or something,” Viktor said.

“What if we could save Ben in another timeline? Stop him from dying?” Five asked. It was kind of stupid, but he had seen the way that their choices butterflied into the future for their family. Clearly, Ben and Jennifer were linked. Viktor had informed him of the memories that Allison and Luther had recovered from that last meeting. If their father had killed Ben before he had even touched Jennifer, then there was a chance that something more was going on that the old man was leading them to believe.

“Wha-what?” Viktor asked. “I thought that Dad just killed him because he was an asshole.”

“Dad was a total dickhead, but that was because he had no regard for other people’s emotions and thoughts outside of his plan. He used our feelings to manipulate us, which was why he brainwashed our siblings on what happened on that mission. He wouldn’t have killed one of us when he needed seven to reset the universe. Even if he knew about Lila or the Sparrows or Phoenixes or whatever, there was very little chance that he would have been able to get them,” Five explained.

He could see the cogs whirring in Viktor’s head as he considered the proposition that Five was laying out for him. The three of them had bee thick as thieves, the people at the end of Reginald’s ranking and the ones that were most prone to studying. Five was certain that after he left, Ben had picked up the slack and chosen to continue to stick by Viktor’s side until Klaus became the one that needed deliberate and constant saving.

Viktor’s lips pursed as he sunk his hands down into his pocket. He turned out towards the fake little town that Reginald had made to hide Jennifer. They had thought that returning there may have helped them find some more clues, but it seemed as though the rest of the agents that they hadn’t managed to kill had come and cleaned everything up in their wake. The town was nothing but peeling paint signs and boarded up windows, waiting for the next purpose that the owner would happen to bestow upon it.

“Okay. Let’s do it,” Viktor nodded. He spoke with his hands despite the fact that they were in his pockets, which was one of the cutest things that Five had ever seen in his entire life. “Ben saved me, when we were in Dallas. He was able to come into my mind and get me to remember my memories so that my powers stopped freaking out and trying to kill everything that they saw as a threat. I think that he deserves a chance to live too, it’s the least that I can do to repay him.”

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say that you were in love with him,” Five joked. It hurt to think about, that the person he had longed after for years, so much that his heart hurt with the effort of it all, had fallen in love with the friend that he had cherished second most in the entire world. He knew that he had left Viktor and Ben behind, but part of him had always hoped that there was a chance Viktor would wait for him. He knew that was stupid, no one would be able to love their thirteen-year-old bodied adopted brother. Still, the idea hit him in the back of the head like a sledgehammer every time it popped back into his mind.

“There was a time where we kind of were. I mean, I’m pretty sure that there’s no a duo in the entire family that hasn’t been tried out once or twice. Well, maybe Luther and anyone who isn’t Allison,” Viktor shrugged. “The only person that he kissed other than her before you came back was Klaus and that was supposed to be for ‘practice,’ but I think that Klaus was just pitting us all against each other to see who was best.”

“Man, this family is so fucking weird,” Five shook his head. He took a deep breath and then rolled his shoulders before he stuck his hand out to his brother. “Are you ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Viktor replied. He grasped Five’s hand as tightly as he could, squeezing his eyes shut as he prepared for the feeling of the teleportation. Five’s body was made to be dragged through time and space, he had never had to deal with the spins that way that Lila and Allison had. He also didn’t get nauseous or dizzy when he jumped unless someone had done something that caused him to correct while mid-jump. He knew that Viktor didn’t have the same protections on his body, which was why he was bracing himself so hard.

Five reached deep down into his body, to where the marigold was now nestled within his heart. He took a deep breath as he summoned it up so that it was pooling around them in purple energy. They appeared in the subway a moment later, the marigold settling back down where it belonged inside of him.

Viktor dropped his hand and began to look around the same way that Five had when he first appeared. The subway station looked exactly as it had the last several times that he had visited. The tile was white on the floors and the walls, the ceiling was concrete except for the pipes and electrical wires that lined it, fueling the hanging fluorescent lights and vending machines that dotted the terminal. The entire place was clean, despite the lack of people or perhaps because of it. None of the signs were in English or any other language that Five had seen during his time traveling the earth, but they fit the theme of the place well.

“Woah… Do you think that this is the same kind of thing that the Commission was made out of?” Viktor asked. He started forward, toward the massive map that wrapped around one of the wall pillars in the middle of the room.

“What do you mean?” Five asked as he walked after his brother. He had picked Viktor for a reason and this was exactly that, Viktor was already picking up on things that he had dismissed or not even considered. A second set of eyes were better than none, which was another reason that he had decided not to go it alone like he had many times before.

“Well, you kept saying that the Commission was a place out of time and that was how they managed to preserve the timeline,” Viktor said. “If this place can travel between multiple timelines and points in time, then it has to be something like the Commission. Did time move when you were here? Like for the rest of us.”

“No, it didn’t,” Five replied. He felt his brows furrow as his mind began to whirl with thoughts. “I never got the chance to ask the other version of myself why he had created the Commission or how. It’s something drilled into you from the minute that you start working there, that some things just don’t make sense and never will. I suppose that there was a chance that the other version of myself found a way to enhance his powers so much that he created a pocket of the timeline that was removed from it. Maybe he just saved up enough of his power that he was able to travel here. There were doors that we weren’t allowed to access in the main building where all the briefcases and the safe room were kept, it’s likely that there was an entrance to a place like this or this very subway system.”

Viktor began to run the tip of his finger over one of the lines as his eyes followed it. Someone else may have quickly gotten lost, but Viktor was a musician. His mind had been trained to follow a single line of notes even if the piece that he was reading was covered in other information. It was exciting for Five to watch him trail around the board until he tapped a circle and turned to his brother, “What is this?”

“I believe that those are the stations. If you look over here, there’s a sign pointing to this one in the same language as all of the street signs,” Five said as he tapped the glass on the other side of the pillar from Viktor. 

“Do you know how to read that language?” Viktor asked.

“I do not, but I was able to fine this,” he peaked around so that they were on the same side as he brandished the directional pamphlet like it was the mos important thing that had ever existed in any of the timelines.

Viktor took it from his hands and then opened it so that his eyes could scan over the layouts and the rails. “Wow, I never realized how often the timelines intersected with each other,” he commented.

“I suppose that they have to, since every minor decision that the catalyst for this grouping makes splits it into two or more,” Five shrugged. He stepped behind Viktor so that their bodies were almost entirely pressed together.

Somehow that felt more natural than anything he had done in a good long while, so he let himself remain there despite the fluttering anxiety in his stomach. Viktor leaned back into him with as minute movements as he could manage while they tried to decipher the timeline that they could arrive in.

“I think that we need to take this as carefully as we can. We shouldn’t go to any of the other timelines unless we absolutely have to. I don’t want to fuck anything else up, and I’m pretty good at that,” Viktor commented as he flipped the pamphlet over to look at the other side.

“I don’t think that us simply being in another timeline is going to cause issues,” Five shrugged.

“Five,” Viktor replied, giving him a disbelieving and disappointed look.

“What?” Five asked, raising a brow at him. The urge to kiss his cheek overwhelmed him all at once. He almost took a half step back to resist it, but he didn’t know if it would actually work or if raising his foot from where it was planted would send him forward and directly into Viktor’s perfect arms.

“You should know better than anyone that messing with one thing can cause the rest of the timeline tumbling down around it,” he replied. He placed his hands on his hips and looked cross, making a pretty good imitation of what Grace, their robot nanny not their niece, had looked like when she was reprimanding them for breaking something.

“Since when have you become the expert on time travel and apocalypses? Last I checked, I was the only one in this subway station that has actually worked for the Commission,” Five said as he glanced around. If he had brought Lila then she wouldn’t have fought him on this idea so much, but he knew that Viktor was the better option. Out of all their siblings, he was the one that could fight the longest and the hardest while keeping Five grounded properly.

“I’ve started enough end of times to know their insides and outsides,” Viktor joked with a lopsided smile.

Five felt like his breath had been stolen from his lungs and he just nodded his head mutely. “What do you think we should do, then?”

“I think that we should try to work out how this map works, get a good idea of where each of the subways might go, and then try that out,” Viktor said. A studious look overcame his face as he leaned closer to the map so that he could keep track of each of the tiny glowing lines that spanned the surface of the map.

---

Year 1

Time travel had always been taught to them as something that was unattainable. None of them had been allowed to read any sci-fi books that contained the subject, and now Viktor understood why. It was fine and good for people that could never attain that ability to dream about what it might be like and the adventures that could occur, but it was dangerous in the hands of someone that could actually do that.

Despite all the studying that they had done and the pamphlet that they carried around with them, they had still gotten lost. The subways had a mind of their own and they traveled where they wished, not where the voice over the subway or the signs said that they were going. They kept track of the stations that they ended up at, but Viktor still refused to have them go above ground.

They began to make food out of the subway rats so that they could sustain themselves without hunger gnawing at their guts. Viktor was able to get them oranges and chips and candy out of the vending machines when they landed in a station that had enough quality food for them to actually get. It wasn’t the life that he had wanted to lead after all his fighting to make something soft for himself, but he had his best friend with him so it was alright.

They changed in minute ways, for the most part. There was no way that Viktor was going to be able to get the testosterone that he had been taking while they were traveling. Time felt basically meaningless, but he knew that they had been down there for quite some time when he saw that his body was changing its muscle and fat deposit back to what it had been when he could barely even look at his own body. His face and abs softened, his hips widened again. He hated the way he looked but he was glad it was only Five with him, so that they could share complaints about shaggy hair and grimy bodies. Viktor had gotten top surgery during the time that they had spent without their powers in the new universe and so he didn’t notice the beginning of his cycle returning until he woke up with his shorts entirely drenched in blood.

It was the first time that he had let Five upstairs, out of the subway and into the world longer than just to check to see if it was the right one. 

Year 2

Viktor had no idea how things had lasted as long as they did. They began to go up onto the surface for longer stretches of time, to begin to make sure that every single option was crossed off. They would explore the town until they happened across either an alternate version of themselves or an entirely different version of the Academy compared to what they were used to.

Some of the timelines had been very different to the ones that they were used to, which meant that they tried to correct by moving back to one of the timelines that was closer to what they believed was the timeline that they had come from. They still had the pamphlet that they had arrived with, but at this point all the lines and characters didn’t make any more sense than they had when they had first arrived.

They carried backpacks with them now, supplies that they had gotten from the surface when they had ventured up there for the second longest time since they had first arrived. They went up to get things for their survival now, like bottled water and more food than the rats and vending machine food that they had been subsisting off of for the year previous.

As they chugged down another one of the seemingly infinite tunnels, Viktor felt his body sagging and soon found his head resting on Five’s shoulder. It felt just as natural as it had back when they were children and caused the tension and nerves in his shoulders to relax entirely. He let his hand drop down in between them and then felt another palm meet his own. He tilted his head up just enough to see the serene expression that had taken over Five’s face. Was this what it would have been like if Five had taken him with the first time that he had time traveled?

Year 3

It was bound to happen eventually, but when one of them finally got sick it was the most terrifying thing that had happened in a long time. They had been camped out at the edge of the surface of a timeline that they hadn’t explored that much when Five woke up with a sweaty body and a blotchy red face. Viktor had seen that happen enough when they were children to know that Five had picked something up.

Viktor strayed out into the timeline to find that it was one where something had happened, not one where they were waiting for that thing to happen. All of the people seemed to have just gotten up and left the town that they had lived in, leaving behind literally everything that wasn’t attached to them. The cash was all still in the till, the electricity and water worked as well as it could when the maintenance team for the city had gone as well. Viktor was able to pick up medicine and supplies from the local hospital before he returned to the house that he and Five were staying at.

It was a nice enough place, even if it was extremely disconcerting that there was literally no one around them. He enjoyed the silence, finally able to shake the rattling of the subway cars moving around them or next to them out of his head. He kept Five’s fever down by dosing him with a fever reducer and soaking his neck and feet in cold water whenever his temperature got a little too high.

By the time it was over, Viktor felt like he had seen a piece of Five that was the closest to his soul that he was ever going to get. They had their backpacks loaded with the supplies that they would need for the next stretch of journey that they took as they tried to find their original timeline.

Year 4

Injuries had become commonplace, but that didn’t mean that Viktor liked what was happening very much. He had his hands down on the ground, gripping the wall behind him so that he didn’t reach out and attack Five for simply trying to help. His boots were off his feet and next to him on the ground, which was the only thing that he was able to look at and yet still reminded him of the thing he was trying to put out of his mind in the first place. Five had a pair of pliers carefully gripped in his fingers, his eyes hardened by the seriousness of the situation and how dedicated he was to the task at hand.

“Ow! That fucking hurts, you asshole,” he growled. He let go of the pillar with one hand and then covered his mouth with his sleeve. Despite how grimy and gross he was from the stretch of nasty subway stations that they had traveled through, he let the fabric fall into his mouth and bit down onto it as hard as he could.

“Well I told you to be careful when you were walking through that glass and you chose not to listen to me,” Five replied, his voice distant and unsteady because of how dedicated he was to the task at hand.

“Not all of us can just pop over it, Five, I had to get there somehow,” Viktor replied. His own voice was tense with the pain and discomfort as he felt the shard of glass being pulled out of the bottom of his foot. Once it was finally over, when he heard the tinkling sound of it hitting the subway floor, he slumped down onto the ground and groaned. “Next time one of us gets hurt, I think that we should just try and find a doctor.”

“Or we could just not get hurt,” Five offered as he began to wrap up the wound with the antiseptic that they had stolen two timelines ago. He laughed when he saw the unamused look that Viktor gave him.

Year 5

Sleeping had never felt like it was something that they had to risk while they were traveling. It was something that came naturally to them, despite the strange place that they had found themselves in. They were only ever in trouble when they went up to the surface because the gates leading down into the subway never let anyone down. They had encountered a handful of people that had chased them to the subway but hadn’t been able to follow after them, or had landed in their own version of the terminal. It was impossible to know for sure, but they did know that they were safe with each other.

The worst that they had ever faced when they were down in the subway and trying to sleep was a surprise train showing up, or the rats that skittered everywhere. They always woke when the rats arrived to make sure that they didn’t get bitten, when Five had during their second year it had almost turned gangrenous, and so that they they could hunt the animals. They were abel to get a decent amount of food from the surface, but nothing enough to fill their bellies with enough energy that they could continue on steadily.

Viktor liked the way that they were sleeping with each other, it felt like it had when they were children. Five had used to pop into Viktor’s room and then cuddle under the fluffy comforter and thick quilts that Grace had placed over their beds. When they had gotten caught like that and Viktor lost the privilege of sleeping with his door shut, they had begun to do it a little differently.

Five would teleport down to Viktor’s room and then bring him upstairs before someone could even notice that he was absent from his bed. They would set up some of the thick quilts down on the ground and then lay next to each other underneath the sheets and comforter, cuddled together for warmth on the floor of their drafty house. That’s what it felt like they were doing now, with several woolen blankets underneath them to support their aging bodies and Five’s arms wrapped around Viktor’s waist to keep them both warm.

Nothing felt more natural than loving Five and taking care of him, he was sure that nothing ever would again.

Year 6

“I’m tired,” Viktor sighed as he let his head hit the pillar behind him. “I’m not sure that I want to do this anymore.”

“What do you mean by that?” Five asked. He gently set down the stick that he had been using to move around the rat that they were eating for dinner that night. “The rats may not be very palatable after all this time, but they taste better than hunger.”

“They taste like hunger,” Viktor said. The two of them smiled at each other, laughing silently in their eyes at the inside joke. “You don’t have to worry about me offing myself, I would never leave you here alone. At least, not if I could help it.”

“I don’t like to think about you dying,” Five shook his head. “You gave me enough of a scare when you slipped underneath the train car while we were trying to get dinner three months ago.”

Viktor sighed again, “I still don’t know how you manage to keep track of time while we’re down here. I thought I was going to be able to feel the differences in the timelines based on the amount of marigold there, but we’re too close to the rest of them. When we’re on the main track like this,” he pulled out the pamphlet and then pointed towards the massive jumbled line of color in the middle. He took another deep breath, “When we’re here it’s all so loud. I feel like they’re rattling around in my chest and they’ve been doing it for so long that I can’t hear any difference.”

Five was quiet for a while before he asked, “Do you remember where we went when I was sick? The timeline where everyone had vanished but there was no destruction or havoc?”

“Of course I do. You being that sick was one of the scariest things to happen while we were down here,” Viktor replied with a nod.

“I think that we should go back there. We should try to backtrack as far out of the main set of timelines as we can, to give you a break. I want to have one too, but I can’t imagine how loud all this has to be for you to deal with,” Five said. He was speaking pragmatically, but his tone was still softer than it usually was.

“Why are you so concerned about me?” Viktor asked, folding the pamphlet back up and setting it down next to them.

“You know why,” Five mumbled.

“I think that I would prefer to hear you say it out loud,” Viktor said. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest and he knew that this time it was from anticipation and excitement instead of another panic attack that was trying to murder him before the surface did.

Five turned to him properly, dropping the stick down to the ground. He brought his soot-coated hand up to Viktor’s face and brushed his thumb over the other man’s cheekbone. Slowly, they both leaned closer together until their lips had touched. Their mouths moved in perfect synchronicity, open and closed, back and forth. It was the most love and care that either of them had ever received in their entire lives and it was exactly the thing that had kept them alive all this time.

Year 7

“Viktor?” Five called through the greenhouse that they had made into their home. 

They had stayed there longer than the couple of days that they had promised each other. It didn’t feel wrong anymore, not when they had suffered through so much to get there. They made things out of the items that they scavenged from the subway and the houses around them. Viktor had been able to get new clothing, jeans and a comfortable t-shirt that had a band he had never heard of it on the front. Five was in a Henley and a pair of slacks, something that he said made him very happy. They had matching golden bands that they had taken from a jewelry shop across time too, the one that had the alarm going off even to that day despite the fact that there was no owner and no cops to come and investigate.

“Yes, love?” he asked as he set the watering can down. He didn’t have a lot of things to do in the new place since there were no other people, but he had picked up the violin and gardening. The music helped the plants grow, or at least that was his theory since everything was so much more lush and green since he had arrived.

“I found something that I think may be of interest to you,” he replied as he pulled a notebook out of the back of his pocket. “This is what I was using to keep track of the timelines that we crossed while we were searching for the one that might have brought us back to the original.

“I don’t think that one exists, but this could help us get back to our siblings. We wouldn’t have to be alone anymore,” Viktor beamed.

“Are you feeling up for it?” Five asked. The worry that creased his brow was cute, so Viktor stepped off the stool he had been on to reach the strawberries in the back and then kissed the lines away. He was met with another pair of lips on his, which filled his heart with so much love that he felt like it might burst.

“I am. I want to go back to where we belong, with people and answers and our siblings,” Viktor smiled.

“Hopefully they haven’t managed to fuck anything up in the time that we’ve been gone. However long that is for them,” Five said. He caught another kiss before the two of them delved into conversation about what they would need to take with them when they began the second part of their two-person odyssey. 

[vanfleeter]

Matched: Chapter 7 - The White Dress

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Thea Foster Warnings: 18+. Smut. Sex. Penetrative sex, unprotected sex. Breeding kink. Fluff. Elopement. Marriage. Mentions of future children. A/N: This has got to be my favorite series to write.

Thea was right to think Josh couldn’t keep his mouth closed about our elopement. I spent half the morning on the phone with our mother as she scolded me on the decision to elope, all with a smile on her face.

I have my phone propped up on the counter as I cook breakfast for Thea and myself. “Mom, we’re going to celebrate with everyone, just at a later time. We want this to just be something for us.”

“And Josh..” She adds.

“Yes, and Josh.” I say.

“Are you sure we can’t be there too?”

I smile but shake my head. “We’ll send pictures.”

Mom sighs but nods her head in understanding. “And you’re sure this is what you both want to do?”

Nodding my head, I slide the eggs off the pan and on two plates. “Yes, Mom.”

“Thea’s not pregnant, is she?”

“Mom!” I laugh. “No! Even if she was, that’d wouldn’t be the reason that we want to do this.”

“Okay, okay..” She sighs. “This is just… So sudden..”

“Mom, I’ve wanted to marry her since the second I laid my eyes on her.” Setting the plates on a tray, I pour fresh coffee into two cups and fill Thea’s with creamer. “Ma, I gotta go. We’ll talk about this more later.”

Carrying the tray of food upstairs, I get into the bedroom to find Thea awake. She smiles when she sees me and stretches out. “Did you make breakfast?” She asks. I nod my head and walk over to the bed and set the tray on top of the sheets. “You’re too sweet..”

I smile and lean over to kiss the temple of her head. I tell Thea about the chat with my mother and she laughs telling me that she was right, to which I don’t correct her. I instead nod my head in agreement and feed her a strawberry.

We made love that morning after we finished breakfast. Soft and sensual, meaningful. Every thrust I delivered, I gave her a kiss. And with every kiss I gave, she would giggle. “I love you,” I say as I give one final thrust and bring her to her end. She holds tightly to my body, a feeling I could never find myself getting used to. I love feeling her fingers claw at my back and I love feeling her thighs as she clenches tightly to my waist.

“I love you too,” She says back to me as she pulls me down for a kiss.

The following three months went by in a whirlwind and the album was finally released. Interviews and press meetings came and went and now was the time for the trip. Stepping into the house, I close the door and drop my things by the stairs. “Thea?” I call as I head up the stairs.

“Don’t come in yet!” She shouts as she closes the front door in my face.

“Woah, what’s going on?”

“Just give me a minute!”

I lean against the doorframe and fold my arms across my chest. “Are you trying on your dress again?”

“So what if I am?” She calls back.

I can hear the smile in her voice as she speaks. “Am I not allowed to see it?”

“No! Not until our wedding day!”

“Ahhh, the wedding.. Sure you still want to go through with it?”

The door flies open and I take a step back. Her face is only mere centimeters from mine and her eyebrows are furrowed. “Yes, I do.. No pun intended.. Are you sure that you still want to go through with it?”

I smile and peck her lips. “Yes.. I do–no pun intended.”

She giggles. “Then good, we’re on the same page.” She steps away and goes back into the bedroom. “I talked to Josh, by the way. He finally got ordained so everything is good to go.”

“Good, I won’t have to hound him to get it done.” I chuckle as I step up to her. “Only two more days until I get to officially call you my wife.” I say as I lean down to kiss her. “Can you believe that we’re doing this?”

Thea giggles and presses another kiss to my lips. “I don’t believe it truthfully.. But I am excited.” She wraps her arms around my waist and draws me into her. “I did pick up the marriage license so we are official. Josh’s signature will be on there twice though–once at the minister and again as a witness.”

“It’s official.”

She eagerly nods her head. “I can’t wait. I can finally say that I got to sail on the infamous boat.”

“Well.. You’ve already broken it in.” I say. I see her cheeks flush and I laugh. “That was a great night. I finally got to be with the woman that I love and it turned out for the better.”

“That boat is magical.”

“I’d like to believe it is.” I say as I kiss her again. “Who knows, maybe it’s so magical it’d give us a baby.”

Thea smiles and pulls me back in. “Then shall we find out?” She says as she presses her hips to mine. “The boat doesn’t get picked up until tomorrow afternoon..”

I smile wickedly at her before swooping her up in my arms and dashing downstairs and out to the garage. We scramble up the ladder and onto the boat and I drag her back into the room before laying her on the bed.

We don’t waste any time to undress and she’s got her legs wrapped around my waist and she’s pulling me down on top of her. “This is familiar..” I say, hovering over top of her. She smiles and draws me in for a kiss.

I can feel her already soaked core pressing against my cock. And my god, it feels great. Pulling away only slightly, I bury my face in the crook of her neck and suck on her skin. She moans sweetly in my ear and tugs deliciously at my hair. I grind my hips into her, rubbing my cock through her wetness.

“Jake.. Please..” She begs.

I smile against her skin and trail kisses down her neck and collarbone and down to her breasts. She squirms beneath me as the hairs of my mustache tickle her skin. I circle one of her breasts with my tongue as I massage the other with my hand.

Her back arches slightly off the bed causing her warm and baby soft skin to slide against my body. Pulling my mouth off of her breast, I move back up to her face and kiss her once more. I crawl away and off the bed before gently rolling her over onto her stomach.

“This is interesting..” She giggles as I lift her up.

“Well, supposedly it’s easier to conceive a boy if we do it doggy style.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“No, but this boat is magical so I guess we’ll find out.” I say as I thrust myself inside of me. She moans loudly, throwing her head back. I hold her hips tightly in my hands as I pound myself inside of her. The moans she releases feeds my adrenaline and turns me on even more. My dick is throbbing inside of me, nearly ready to burst with every blow that I deliver.

I hit her deeper and deeper until I practically melded with her. I hunched over top of her with my arms wrapped around her waist as I continue fucking myself into her. My teeth sink into the skin of her shoulder when I feel her clenching around me.

I’m nearly out of breath but I’ve nearly got her there. “Come on baby, let go for me. I’ve got you.”

Just as she starts gushing all over me, I’m following shortly after and filling her completely, but I still don’t stop.

“Need to make sure you’re so full of me,” I say, making her moan. “I’m gonna get you pregnant with my baby.. You’re going to look so beautiful with your round belly and big tits..”

“Fuck, Jake.”

I can tell we’re both overstimulated so I slow down my thrusts until I come to a complete stop. Gently and carefully I pull out and she lays her body down on the bed. I’m heaving for air as I fall onto the bed beside her.

It takes us both a minute to relax before she turns over onto her back. “I take it you really want a boy.” She speaks up, eyes still trained on the ceiling of the boat.

“Very much so.” I laugh.

We curl up together in the bed and I set an alarm just in case we fall asleep. Last thing I want is for the moving guys to find us butt naked on this thing when they show up to take it to Florida.

Yes, Florida. We decided to start our trip there. It may be nearing the end of Hurricane season but we’ll be long should anything hit again. But Florida is where it all started, at least on Thea’s end. If she never saw me there, she never would have solidified her feelings. She never would have made the decision to want to come to me. We’ll be docked at the same harbor and this time when I leave, she’ll be with me and she’ll be my wife.

That night, I dreamt of Henry. I didn’t used to believe that dreams ever meant much outside of your head. But I’m starting to believe that they do.

Henry. I have always liked that name. Henry Kiszka. Henry Jacob Kiszka–if I wanted to name sake him after me. And then it clicked.

Henry Francis.

After Sam, of course.

He may have been Thea’s first, and I intend to be her last, but Sam means a lot to the both of us.

H-E-N-R-Y  F-R-A-N-C-I-S, I would trace on her stomach the next morning. She smiles down at me as I kiss her stomach.

We had an hour before we had to be off the boat so I again fucked her in the bed.

It started out in a loving embrace until the primal need took over the both of us. I thought I was being too rough and I asked her if I should stop but she insisted that I keep going, which resulted in me having to carry her back to the house. Her legs shook like jell-o as she tried to put on her sweatpants. I couldn’t help but to chuckle, so I went over to help her finish getting dressed.

Once the boat was taken away, we got all of our things packed for the next three weeks and headed off to the airport where we met up with Josh.

He has a bright smile on his face when he sees us. I could tell he was excited because the smile just never went away.

“You know, I always pictured you having this huge wedding,” He says beside him on the plane. “Though I know an elopement isn’t far off your vibe either,” He chuckles. “Honestly this is more you. Private, intimate, no one knows-” I clear my throat and cock my head. “Okay, Mom and Dad know.”

“Yeah, no thanks to you big mouth.” I chuckle. “She begged to be there.”

“Well it is mom and you are getting married, so it makes sense that she would want to be here,” He sighs. “But like I said. This is more you.”

The flight to Florida wasn’t very long. Though because the boat wouldn’t be arriving until the next morning, we had to stay in a hotel. Which was fine. Get one last really good sleep in a normal bed before we take on the waves.

I tried to sneak a peek at Thea’s dress but she smacked my hand away and gave me a stern look.

“Come on baby, we get married tomorrow.” I whine. “I really want to see it.”

“And you will.. Tomorrow. You can hold out for another twenty four hours.”

I heave a sigh. “Fine..” She smiles and gives me a kiss.

The day had finally come and I woke up with nothing but nervous energy. “Don’t you fucking dare change your mind.” Josh scolds me as he helps me with my tie.

I shake my head. “No, I’m not changing my mind. I won’t. I want this. I don’t know, I’m just nervous.”

“Good, because if she doesn’t kill you for leaving her, I will.”

I smile and fix my hair in the mirror. I hear the door to the room open followed by Thea’s voice. “Good morning!”

“Hi baby,” I greeted her with a kiss. “How was your run?”

“Beautiful,” She says. “Today is going to be amazing.” She gives me another kiss before hopping into the shower.

“Are you ready?” She calls from the bedroom.

“Heck yeah we are!” Josh responds.

The door of the bedroom opens and she steps out in the living room. I slowly rise to my feet as I look at her in awe. She’s wearing a white dress. The white dress.

“How do I look?”

“You look amazing!” Josh exclaims. “Such a gorgeous bride.”

Her eyes darted to me and she smiled. “Jake?”

“That dress..” I sputter. “You were wearing that the night we met.” She smiles and nods her head. “It was your cousin’s bachelorette party and she had you all dress in white. You were stunning then just as you are now.”

“I’m glad you remember, because I sure don’t.” Josh says.

“You were also wasted that night,” I say. “Had to cut our conversation short because you weren’t feeling good.”

“Ohhh, that I remember.” Josh says, his cheeks reddening. “So..” He claps his hands together and stands up from the couch. “Are we ready?”

“Let’s go get married,” I say as I grab Thea’s hand.

Turns out my mother wasn’t the only person that Josh spoke to about this. Sam stands on the beach with his camera and takes pictures as the three of us walk down the boardwalk to the sand. I glance over at Josh and he smiles an innocent smile and shrugs his shoulders.

“What?” He says. “We need a photographer!”

“You really thought I’d miss this?” Sam smiles as he snaps more photos. “I am the family photographer, am I not?”

“Where’s Danny hiding?”

Sam shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Thea giggles beside me and squeezes my hand. “So we have a few family members here.”

“Alright! It’s showtime!” Josh calls as he heads down the beach.

“Ready?” I ask, looking down at Thea.

She looks up at me with a beaming smile. “I am, are you?”

“I’ve been ready since the day that I met you.”

Thea rolls her eyes and laughs. “Smooth, Kiszka. Very smooth.”

I chuckle and kiss her forehead before helping her along the sand and to the shore.

“Can I just start with how happy I am for the two of you? And how happy I am to be officiating this beautiful occasion? I love the two of you, and I am excited to see you both join together as one, as husband and wife. So, before I start to ramble, let’s get a move on..”

With trembling hands, I take Thea’s hands in mine as I face her. She’s already got tears in her eyes and I fight the urge to let mine show.

“I won’t bore with a whole speech of love,” Josh continues. “You already know how it is.”

Thea giggles and squeezes my hands.

“So we’re just going to skip the vows. Jake? Do you want to start?”

Suddenly my body tenses. The vows. I forgot to write my vows. How could I forget to do one of the most important parts of this thing? I feel Thea squeeze my hands again. I look at her and she nods her head reassuring me.

“Just do the basics,” She says. “Because I forgot to write mine.”

I guess my body is visibly relaxed because she smiles and winks.

“Oka-a-ay,” Josh says slowly. “We’ll do this the quick way.”

“Do you, Jacob Thomas Kiszka, take Dorothea Lynn Foster to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, until death do you part?”

I keep my eyes locked on Thea and smile. “I do.”

“Wonderful,” Josh beams. “Now.. Dorothea Lynn Foster, do you take Jacob Thomas Kiszka, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, and until death do you part?”

“I do,” Thea smiles back.

“Well then.. By the power invested in me by the great state of Tennessee–and Florida, because you can never be too prepared–I now pronounce husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

“Fucking finally,” I sigh.

I pull her into me and press my lips firmly against her. We soon hear whoops and hollers coming from the boardwalk. Pulling away, we look up to see just about everybody there. My parents and sister, Danny and his family and Thea’s parents and sister.

“Josh..” We both groan.

“Hey, in my defense I only told Sam and Mom.”

“I may have told Danny..” Sam grins. “But only him, I swear!”

“So much for an elopement…” I grumble to Thea.

Thea giggles and curls into my side. “Yeah but it’s our family, we did plan on celebrating with them eventually.”

I huff and shoot an annoyed look at Josh. He simply smiles and winks before taking off up the beach and to the boardwalk. Thea pats my hand and kisses my cheek.

“Come on, hubby, we’ve got some celebrating to do!” She says before dragging me back up the beach.

“Today is a special day,” My father says as he stands before everyone at lunch. “And on behalf of everyone here, we would like to wish the newlyweds a long and happy marriage full of love and of course babies.”

Everyone cheers and takes a sip of their beverages. The rest of the night followed with more drinking and celebrating, dancing and more drunken congratulations.

Thea and myself find ourselves back in our hotel room, tearing each other’s clothes off as our heated makeout starts turning into more. Once we’re fully naked, I scoop her into my arms and carry her into the bedroom and lay her out in the bed. I pull back and stand in front of the bed. She’s completely bare and vulnerable to me at that moment.

“Why are you just staring at me?” She questions.

“Something’s different about you.” My eyes trail from her toes and up her legs and to her waist before going up her chest and stopping at her face.

“Different how?”

“I don’t know..” I lean back against the dresser and cross my arms over my chest. “Ever since becoming my wife, you look different.”

She slowly sits up, propping her body up on her elbows. “How so?”

“I’m trying to figure that out.”

“Maybe I look different because I’m your wife..” She says. She dips her fingers through her folds and pumps them in and out at a slow pace. She moans and rolls her eyes.

I slide my hand down my length and back up, stroking myself as I watch her finger herself, bringing herself to her own climax. But I don’t let her finish.

I push off the dresser and pull her hand away before pushing myself inside of her. She gasps loudly, her back arching off the bed as her head tilts backwards.

“You’ve become sexier since you became my wife..” I say as I pull out to the tip and push back in, creating a smooth pace as I thrust in and out of her.

“I love you, Jake.”

I lean down to kiss her, delivering one final thrust before we’re both sent over the edge into our orgasms.

“I love you too.” I say as I kiss her again. “Mrs. Kiszka..”

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[ragingbookdragon]

Captain Jonathan “John” Price is no stranger to hearing strangers and higher-ups call his task force children. Particularly his children, as he’s heard so fondly from Laswell. Still though, the truth of their never-ending statements ring like a church bell in his ears as he sits at the breakfast table in the kitchen and watches two of his kids pester their oldest sibling. It’s always Ghost, he muses, stuck in the middle of the two’s bullshit, which is usually their maniac desire to blow things up, given that one’s a demolitions expert and the other has a tendency to light things on fire—typically their enemies…it’s a habit they’re trying to break.

Ghost’s got his back to Firefly as he pushes Soap’s face away with his right hand, left hand trying and failing horribly to pour cereal out of the box and into his bowl. Price wonders how it all started. Soap and Firefly arguing over who gets the last bowl of Frosted Flakes. Sure, you can buy them in the shops in town, but Firefly gets these sent from her home city in the US to the base—they taste different, she likes to say. But it’s the most important reason as to why she’s not about to let Soap eat them—her order from her family doesn’t come in for another two days. Soap argues that since her mom sent a letter and wrote, “Tell your friend Soap I said hello!” means that he gets dibs. She, of course, says otherwise. And that’s when Ghost walked in and yanked the box from both of them to make a bowl himself. Price can’t ever have one day where he doesn’t hear the three arguing about something—and Ghost doesn’t even argue, he just grunts at them.

Firefly whines as she hears the frosted flakes pour into the ceramic bowl, and Soap’s still barely able to talk as Ghost’s entire hand is as big as his face, five fingers gripping it to hold him at arm’s length; he can’t do much since Ghost’s fingers are pressed against his eyes. It’s when Firefly shifts to go under Ghost’s arm that Ghost reacts like someone’s about to take something precious to him. He shifts, kicking her legs out beneath her and even Price sees her mistake as she automatically puts her arms behind her to catch herself, and everyone hears the sharp crack followed by her gasp as her shoulder dislocates from the impact.

Everyone freezes for a solid moment as Firefly rolls onto her injured side to hold her arm, then Ghost and Soap are pulling away to bend down and check on her. Ghost is quick to apologize but she growls at him as he takes off her jacket and grabs onto her arm, knowing the quicker they relocate it, the lesser it’ll hurt later. Soap’s got her torso held in his grip, stronger than she is, she won’t be able to move, and Ghost doesn’t even give her warning before shoving her arm back into its socket.

“FUCK YOUR MOM AND YOUR DAD!” she blurts out in a pained yelp, and everyone falls silent again as she stares at Ghost, eyes wide as her mouth drops open. “I am so sorry.”

Half the kitchen is expecting Ghost to slap the shit out of her, but instead, he snorts, deep in his chest, full of humor and then laughter breaks out from everyone as Soap and Ghost pull Firefly to her feet to escort her to the clinic for examination.

Price watches as they leave before rising from his seat, swiping the Frosted Flakes from the counter along with Ghost’s bowl and the carton of milk. He sits back in his chair and pours himself a bowl of cereal and begins eating, all the while Gaz is watching in shock. Price catches his eye, smirks, and goes back to his cereal; he’ll be done before they get back, no doubt.

And Firefly still thinks it’s Soap and Ghost who’s eating her cereal all the time…

[huntersmoon1]

MAGI:THE LABYRINTH OF MAGIC X LOVE AND DEEPSPACE CROSSOVER IMAGINE IDEA!

The lads men meet their genderbent counterparts who are in a similar situation to Alibaba’s mom only none of them get sick and die.

(Edited: reworked the kids ages.)

(Edited again cuz they made I pic for Xavier and Rafayel too!)

Ok I just saw this great fan art right after watching the episode of Magi:The labyrinth of magic where it explains Alibaba’s past and about how his mother caught the eye of the king and they had an affair,she leaves and becomes a prostitute,gets sick and dies,all that. And that gave me a request idea.

If you wanna write this for me please hit me up. 🙏

I can’t write I just come up with the outline, the blueprint if you will.

This is the fan art the artists twitter is linked click on the picture to go to the page.

•So what if Sylus,Zayne,Rafayel,and Xavier meet their genderbent counterparts in the world of Magi that are in a similar situation in the way that they are prostatutes in the slums in order to survive like Alibabas mom only none of them get sick and die like Alibabas mom did.

You know the three princesses of the brothel in apothecary dairies? Well think of them in that way in the sense that they are the most beautiful and desired, well known prostitutes but not in a brothel and are instead in the slums of balbad. Even if they can’t dress luxuriously they are still the most beautiful. And instead of three there’s five,Sylys,Zayne,Rafayel,Xavier,and Mc.

Most of them will be disowned by their families for getting pregnant out of wedlock since that was VERY frowned upon way back then.

•They know MCs counterpart but she’s not genderbent and is instead a sister figure to them and an aunt to their children.

She is also a prostitute,they found her in the slums wandering around with amnesia when she was (they guessed) 17 years old and soon found out she was pregnant,

they tried to talk her out of becoming a prostitute but knew it was likely her only shot at surviving given the state Balbad had been in since the former king died and his short pudgy son took the throne,

eventually they gave in and showed her the ropes and how to work this job without getting hurt by customers or getting sick from them, how to spot the good,healthy,and rich customers, and how to send away the ones that are trouble or could get her or her kid sick,they helped her when she first arrived.

Mc has one 4 year old and one on the way.

•They all live together or very close by each other. Sylus’s counterpart knows Luke and Kieran,they are genderbent and they were her handmaids.

•Sylus’s counterpart has a 9 year old daughter who looks like her dead lover,a 2 year old daughter who looks like her, and has one more on the way.

She was a high class noble lady and fell in love with a soldier and got pregnant but he died before they could get married so her family disowned her and his family blamed her for his death and chased her away.

She took what little money her family gave her and left for the slums and became a prostitute since no one wanted to hire a ruined woman for any other job.

Her loyal handmaids who are Luke and Kieran’s female counterparts went with her,whether or not they became prostitutes too is up to you but they are her assistants and big sister figures to her daughters.

Her daughter can’t learn as fast as the other kids and has trouble learning and understanding certain things like for example math,or learning and memorising the rules to a new game, due to developmental delays caused by her mother not being able to get enough nutrition while she was pregnant with her since she lives in the slums as well as being born too soon.

She makes enough money so she and her children don’t starve now since she’s more well known by the noble class and not just the men in the slums.

•Zayne counterpart has twins,a girl and a boy. They are none identical but they both look like their mother.

She was a middle class lady, daughter of two doctors,Her husband was a kind medicine peddler, he died after being attacked by bandits not long after her twins were born since he couldn’t get the required medical treatment in time.

Her twins are 6 years old and were born in a land where there was plenty of food to eat so they came out normal and not early.

Their mother came to Balbad with them after she heard their were many sick people there that needed help and didn’t have anyone to leave them with,

She thought she’d be able to make enough to get by without having to charge the poor people by treating rich nobles,

but she didn’t know just how bad Balbads money troubles were so she ended up poor too and moved to the slums since she could no longer afford their living arrangements in the middle class.

She makes a little money as a doctor in various classes of the hierarchy but most of her money comes from prostitution since men of all walks come for her services.

•Rafayels counterpart has one 5 year old girl and a newborn son.

She fell in love with a rich man and he got her pregnant, he said he’d come back for her but he never did and she found him courting another woman,he abandoned her.

She was in the middle class, the daughter of an art dealing merchant, but she didn’t have the funds to support herself and a child, and her family cut her off and disowned her for getting pregnant out of wedlock,

so she sold her house and went to the slums so she’d have a decent amount of money for a while but eventually she had to find a way to make ends meet and since jobs aren’t offered to people in the slums very often she turned to prostitution since that’s the only profesión from the slums the nobles and middle class will pay decently not well but decent. She’s pretty well known by the nobles.

•Xavier’s counterpart has one 3 year old son.

She was a middle class noble lady who fell in love with a soldier and as soon as he found out she was pregnant he kicked her to the curb and when her family found out she was pregnant out of wedlock they disowned her so she moved to the slums with enough money she saved to get by for a while and be able to get enough to eat from the middle class so she would have a healthy full term baby.

But after her son was born eventually that money ran out and she turn to prostitution since no one in the middle or upper class would give someone from the slums a job unless it’s a prostitute looking for clients. She’s pretty well known among the nobles.

[goodluckclove]

Hi! So I had some thoughts about the way abuse has reflected in my writing and I wanted to talk about it. It's actually not going to be a rough, long ramble, because this is still something I can really only talk about with an air of detachment.

There's an offering to an old play of mine I want to do another online reading of later this year, a link to the script if anyone's down. I'm still adding triggers and a read more just so I don't hurt someone. Take care, friends.

So I had the thought recently that, since I'm pretty open about saying that Scott and Edgar are both manifestations of myself, that Edgar's personal history as a child of abuse mirrors my own. And that's actually mostly not true. Genevieve, Edgar's mom, is nothing like my mom. You could say the subtext of his childhood and his relationship with his mom matches my own - what was actually happening instead of what I was conditioned to think was happening.

I was thinking last night if I ever wrote about my own personal abuse in any project. It's something that feels unique and unusual, but I'm actually pretty sure a lot of people will relate to. And then I realize that I actually did! I depicted it pretty on-the-nose in a play I had a reading of in 2020.

Resting Place is a regular-length play that takes place in the Forever Friends Funeral Home. Once led by Joanne Seaver, it is now being run by two of her three children in the wake of her oncoming death. The third and eldest child has come home for the first time in seven years, and things are tense and complicated. There are secrets. People are coping in different ways.

Joanne Seaver is not a perfect depiction of my mother. She is way more eloquent because she's written by me and I'm a good writer. She is depicted, despite being complicated and having MANY faults, as genuinely loving her children to an extent that I'm not really sure my mom was ever capable of. She has the capacity to sort of be a little redeemed and understood, because I don't think I'll ever have the opportunity to redeem and understand my mother.

She is not what a lot of the population think an abusive mother is. Portrayed excessively, she is not supposed to be a figure you can entirely hate. Because if you hate someone you don't have to think about them as often. Acted out, she is meant to be a figure that lingers uncertainly and provokes a lot of different opinions.

This is the most personal play I've ever written. It's a family drama, mainly between the three siblings (I'm the youngest of four) and their dynamics in having to orbit around a sick mother at such a young age. It covers a lot of the grief I had with my own older sister at the time, who left at 18 and was promptly lovingly villianized by my parents for years afterwards.

Most of this cast cried during the reading when we did it. I cried while reading it just now, alone at a cafe. The ultimate fate of the Seaver siblings is way, way more optimistic than the current state of my own siblings. I will probably never see my brothers again and that hurts me every time I think about it.

If you are interested in reading the script, either just to read a script or maybe audition for an online reading sometime this winter, you can do so here. If it provokes a conversation in you, I'm honestly so happy to talk about it. If anyone relates to this I want to hear from you. My DMs are open and I don't even care if we haven't had a conversation before.