#and after so very many bad doctors its honestly been so healing

[sevenangrybees]

My surgeon gave me medical grade honey to put on my problem nipple and the urge to lick the applicator after every dressing change is so so strong....

[bakiuwu]

Kinda crazy how the crossover proves why there shouldn't have been one in the first place. Baki and kengen are very different but constantly get grouper together. Like yea, there might be a few similarities/references when it comes to kengen with baki, but like they are both so different, especially for them to take place in the same universe. Like the shit with pickle, so no one on the kengan side heard of pickle even tho everyone in the world was aware of his existence????

There's just so many things wrong with that crossover Like can't get over the fact these mfs barely interact with eachother, everyone's fucking personality was water down and mfs were just cardboard cut outs OR MISCHARACTERIZE SO FUCKING BAD LIKE JACK AND SOME OTHERS, LIKE THEY WAYER DOWN SO MANY BITCHES ITS NOT FUNNY ESPECIALLY JUN like I don't know much about kengan characters but i know DAMN WELL his ass would had been more active then what he was honestly same for everyone.

Like imagine after he said "thoes guys are scary looking" he would follow it up with ".....im go talk to them" then proceed to go over there IDK SOMETHING LIKE he coukd had try placing a bet on who said is gonna win....idk katou could had join in on it THEN THEY ALL COULD HAD INTRO THEMSELVES TO EACHOTHER AND GIVE INTRESTING COMENTSRY MAN IDK I JUST WANTED THESE FUCKERS TO ACTUALLY TALK TO EACHOTHER BUT WAIT THAG ACTUALLY REQUIRES CHARACTER WRITING. It's like Netflix didn't know how to handle two big groups of characters who all have big personalities so they just said fuck it and Sedated everyone.

Another thing....how come characters of the same series weren't interacting with each other??? Like doppo was just off by himself same for shibakuwa...like why and nobody talking to baki like at ALL was very odd to me its like if characters were assigned a role they wasnt allowed to interact with another character outside that role, like how come doppo wasn't sitting with katsumi and the others???....how come katsumi didn't interact with saw ping that would been interesting because ya know both of their dads fought.....but no know of tha....nothing for this to be a crossover bitches weren't really crossing over...I'm sorry but nobody talking to baki really bothers me

Also kinda crazy how the movie did the two things I BEG TO NOT HAPPEN LIKE WTF

the sence with kurhea and the other guy was kinda funny but annoying cause the movie link them together cause they're both doctors....okay and? Theyre still too very different characters....also really they went to med school together....okay that's it, AND YOU DONT SEE THEM AGAIN. WHAT WAS THE POINT. I thought they was gonna to be helping heal people, like there could have been a funny scene of them fighting over who's way the best way of healing a patient...idk man.

Oliva and Julius moments were funny but also annoyed me when I found out they was pair together due to them both using brute strength....like okay

Shibakuwa and the one guy interactions were werid, he was so out of character LIKE WHY WAS HE ANNOYED BY HIM LIKE WTF ALSO REALLY THERE INTERACING BECAUSE OF AKI

Gaia and fucking M's moments were..... disappointing asf, they mischaracterize tf outta gaia like???? SO GAIA WHOLE THING IS SCREAMINF HUH? THATS WHAT YAL GOT FROM HIM LIKE WTF MADE YALL THINK THE FIRST THING HE WOULD DO WAS SCREAM AT A GUY HE IS AWAERE IS FUCKING BLIND ARE YOU DEAD ASS LIKE?????

ALSO WHY ARE THEY SECURITY, ALSO WOWWWW THEY ARE PAIR TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY BOTH DEAL WITH MILTARY SHIT WOOOOOWWW SO CREATIVE

*sigh* I think the most disappointing one was baki and ohma I wanted them to be silly besties so bad but Netflix literally gave me nothing ALL THEY DID WAS STARE AT EACHOTHER AND LOOK AWAY LIKE WHERE WAS THE FUNNY MOMENTZ LIKE WTF, ALSO THE "your just like me" FUCK OFF YALL GAVE THESE TWO NOTHING

How did yall fumble these interactions so bad....also Jack being water-down to "guy who does drugs".....really piss me off and the fact they couldnt make a original fight for him and raian says alot like they fucked him over so bad....im not over this.

The movie was made to fucking quick it need more time and actually writing before being released. It's also so clear how they didn't want to hurt anyone's fucking feelings so they made sure it was only 3 fights so it could be fair and end on a fuck ass draw.....bullshit like I was hoping to GOD it would end on everyone going to eat but nope....nothing

Also, pickle being there was so???? Unneeded like It felt out of place like the moment between him and ohma was kinda cute but like okay? After that he just left and no one from kengan seem...to give a fuck tha he was a caveman/ seem to notice....okay

ALSO im sure this takes place after the father and son fight (cause they reference the face baki made during his fight with yujiro) so having pickle interrupted the fight was so????? Especially if he learn his manners when baki scold him for trying to interrupted his......hmm a

Also yujiros moment felt a little off cause like don't get me wrong, his moments were fun, but like the way he just left cause him and the guy got screamed at for "ruining"the fun like???? IT was funny but so rushed, also him knowing the niko style..."So you're the one that guy he taught that style to." okay....also, his interactions with the other guy were weak as shit

Last thing....this shit....

PISSED ME OFF SO BAD AT FCUJING FIRST I WAS HAPPY VERY HAPPY BUT THEN WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT......THIS DOENSNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE ITS LIKE THEY JUST PUT THEM JN TIT JUST TO PUT THEM IN IT OMFG WHA WAS THE POINT??? LIKE SPEC IS CANONLY IN A FUCKIN COMA, DORIAN IS NOT MENTALLY THERE SO WHO TF BROKE HIM OUT, WHEN TF DID DOLYE BREAK OUT??? THE ONLY ONES WHO ARE CANONLY OUT ARE SKIORSKY AND YANGI BUT EVEB THEN WHY WOULD THEY FUCKING GROUP UP??? JUST TO FIGHT THIS GUY ALSO....REALLY PAIRIG UP THE GUY WHO IS ALL ABOUT JUSTICE WHITH THE CONVICTS WOWWWWW HOW CREATIVE.....omfg this is so stupid also WHY SKIORSKY AND DORIAN THE DAME HEIGHT AS SPEC???. LIKE DUDE

(Like a small part of this is funny cause they dont have a clue in the world skiorsky is living hjs besr life in a small apartment with his boyfriend, also like to imagine skiorsky was here cause he was picking up gaia.....)

yea ....it took me less then 24 hours that day to realize how much I hated this shit

[slexenskee]

MDNSY AU

Posting this WIP bc maybe if it sees the light of day I’ll actually get around to writing more of it

I originally wrote this right after the sick-fic arc even though its supposed to take place during the Eri arc so it gets kinda AU from there

It’s only afterwards— months afterwards, that he realizes the full extent of his own stupid actions. 

So many things had to perfectly align in exactly the wrong way for this to happen. But each and every one of them was his own damn fault, so there’s really no one to blame here but himself. 

It had to have happened when Hawks had been sick and recovering in his hotel room, that’s the only way the timing lines up. Gojo has always been good about practicing safe sex— considering how he sleeps around, he sort of has to— and has never slipped up even once… until Hawks. Multiple times, actually, not even counting the time he was sick. There’d also been that time in Palawan, when he hadn’t brought any condoms with him because he’d honestly thought he wouldn’t need them. That had been rather profoundly short sighted of him, in hindsight. And then of course there were the time(s) when Hawks was staying in his hotel room, when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and once again Gojo hadn’t thought to go out and buy any condoms because he’d genuinely thought he wouldn’t need any. Hawks had been sick! Basically delirious! How was he supposed to know that the moment he’d recovered enough he’d jump him? And on a related note, how was Gojo supposed to summon up enough willpower to stop him? 

To that point— how was Gojo even supposed to know he should stop him?

That too, though, is entirely his fault.

Apparently it’s a regular part of sex-ed during middle school— except Gojo never went to class in middle school, so he’d entirely missed the memo. With the advent of quirks came a rare genetic mutation that allows for male pregnancies among a small subset of the population. Rare, but not entirely unheard of, either. It was certainly common enough for a segment to be taught in public schools, and testing to be done as part of the gamut of health checks most kids go through around puberty. Most kids aside from Gojo, who was out terrorizing organized crime syndicates just for fun at that age. 

God, he’s a fucking idiot. This entire situation was so laughably avoidable, and yet he’d managed to end up in it anyway. 

Anyway so now he’s having an existential meltdown in the middle of his still unfinished bathroom, staring numbly at the flecks of grout still flaking off the new tile, wondering what the fuck he’s supposed to do now.

“Satoruuu,�� a voice whines from the other side of the bathroom door. “I need to pee.”

Gojo scrambles to his feet, binning the evidence of all the pregnancy tests and burying it under a cloud of toilet paper just before he wrenches the door open, smile fixed in place. “Sorry Eri-chan! I was spacing out.”

Eri just takes the excuse at face value, bounding into the only current usable bathroom in the house and shutting the door behind her.

Gojo sighs wearily, slumping against the wall just outside the door.

Alright, first on the agenda is finding a temporary residence for them while he gets an army of contractors to fix the worst of the ‘home improvement’ sins he’s committed upon this house as quickly as possible. He’d originally thought redoing the rooms would be a fun bonding activity for him and Eri, but now he knows all those chemicals will be bad for… for the baby, so that’s probably a bad idea now. He’s also going to need this house in livable condition as fast as he can make it happen, because apparently… there’s going to be a baby here in less than six months. 

He’s also going to need a doctor, and a very good and discreet one at that. From what he’s read in his mad frenzy of online searching, male pregnancies are very high risk. He’s not at all worried for himself, seeing as though he can heal from just about anything, but that same protection doesn’t extend to the other person currently taking up roost inside him. He frowns. Or does it? Wouldn’t his reversed-curse technique still work on them when they’re still a parasite leeching off of his body? When exactly does their cursed energy start to deviate from each others to the point he can no longer heal them as an extension of himself? Man, what he wouldn’t give for a conversation with Shoko right now.

He can worry about things like clothes and furniture and baby food after he’s settled the most immediate concerns on his list. Namely, fixing this house and finding a doctor. And telling Eri, although he doubts that will be much of an issue. The girl will be beyond excited to be an older sibling.

Now as for telling his family and telling Hawks…

Gojo winces.

Yeah, okay. It says a lot that he’d rather tell Endeavor, to his face, that he’s getting another grandchild than fessing up to Hawks about carrying his kid. Even the thought of it is going to give him a stress tumor.

Well, stress is bad for babies, right? So maybe he should just table the thought for later. You know, for his health.

[do-minuzz]

Happiness have hit her like a bullet in the back,

Struck from a great hight,

By someone who should know better than that!

THE DOG DAYS ARE OVER. THE DOG DAYS ARE DONE.

- florence and the machine - the dog days are over

_

«...I stand on the threshold and involuntarily look back in all senses - both material and mental. The TARDIS patiently waits for me, setting all navigation systems before its first flight with me on board. It's all going to end now, I think, catching the subtle line between what was and what awaits me ahead. And now, as I literally tear these words from my heart, vainly trying to figure out how to properly end this story, I look at the TARDIS in the yard, and it kindly flashes its light at the top, agreeing with the overwhelming nostalgia of the past, standing in this very present, into which I dove headfirst, like into a black hole. My days at the academy were over, and somehow, after everything that happened to me, it brought only a vague smile to my lips, not bitterness nor regret. Freedom was beating in my chest, and I could hardly believe that I had really managed to break free from the shackles and leave my whole life in Deca behind. I was sad, yes, that cannot be denied.

But I was free. I had longed for freedom for so long, I wanted to traverse the expanses of space without the label of Time Lord. It was all behind me - Theta Sigma's life was reaching its last moments before it would return billions of years later on the pages of this paper. The strange boy from the academy, who accidentally was picked into the group of top students and got involved in a ton of things, disappeared, leaving only a ghost of memories in the mind as a reminder. Now there was only the Doctor, who would save and protect, burying Theta's name as deep as possible in history. I didn't like Theta, and at the threshold, I felt a sharp aversion to everything I had experienced - there was no turning back, I understood that when I realized how much I hated the academy. Not in a bad way, of course, but having realized the true freedom at the doors of the TARDIS, I would prefer it to the academy.

Therefore, when I stepped over the threshold of the TARDIS and began my endless running through the Universe from one corner to another, I warmly smiled, watching the disappearing landscape of red Gallifreyan fields from a small screen, as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I was not born on Gallifrey - even then I felt it, and it was not my fate to rot here until death.

The Doctor will be a wanderer. Running from planet to planet, studying and investigating new and new things. I did not know that so many adventures awaited me after the escape, but I was glad to meet any circumstances with open arms. Theta was not fond of surprises, but the Doctor craved them every minute.

Now, it seems that the Doctor's days will soon be counted. I begin to run away from him, and I realize that running is what I do best...»

_

just a random idea that popped into my head while I was working on a fic

like how would Doctor, now fully aware and actually free from his duties(let's say, 14th for example) would perceive himself in the past? I mean, I'm really curious about how actually 14th Doctor feels when... Welp, he doesn't have to be the Doctor anymore. There's so much to it for exploration honestly, not only his trauma healing process but finally making his mind up and proceeding everything what happend to him in the past, including his academy years (INCLUDING KOSCHEI ima make another post for this one later)

And I was thinking that maybe Donna would recommend him to start writing some kind of diary just to settle everything down in order in his absolutely chaotic memory. And he would start writing, realising so many things that he always feared, that he always wanted to run from, all the mistakes he never wanted to look onto again - and he will look, not with the eyes of Doctor, because Doctor would never look so openly back, but with eyes of someone else. Of someone who's now fully understanding. Of someone who's finally free from saving the Universe every Tuesday.

gotta take my meds now brb/hj

[urbanconjurer]

The Ozempic Diaries: Context, & Weeks 1-3

I've been posting a fair bit about my recent experiences on ozempic over on my facebook page, but truthfully, I shouldn't - I have some professional acquaintances on there that I'm certain don't want to read about my various side effects and reasons for doing this. So, in the interest of both documenting my experience and honestly sharing, I will try to post any further updates here. It also gives me an excuse to use this thing, so. Here we go.

So why am I on this in the first place? Truthfully, my body and mind are a fucking mess. I currently live with:

(c)ptsd/ trauma

chronic depression

panic attacks

pcos

morbid obesity (starting weight: 430lbs)

binge eating disorder

type 2 beetus (starting a1c: 9.8)

herniated back disks

t2 and being fat both run in my family, going back at least 3 generations. trying to deal with all of these conditions in conjunction with self-hatred and trying to heal from trauma has been... a challenge, to say the least.

My current primary care physician (pcp) is really fucking cool. He actually *listens* to what i have to say about my body. He does acknowledge that the weight isn't helping me, but he also doesn't blame it for fucking everything, like a sore throat.

I brought up ozempic since, like many others, i heard so much about the potential for weight loss; i have to admit that the knowledge about the lowered blood glucose came later. My doctor thought about it, agreed that we could try it, but i had to also get approval from my eating disorder therapist.

My ED therapist is also fucking amazing. She's compassionate and kind, but also willing to call me out on my disordered thinking and pushes me to do better. When i brought up ozempic, we had a long conversation about it, ultimately resulting in her giving her approval, with the stipulation that i don't use it as a crutch. in other words, I still need to rely on my coping skills to deal with binges/cravings.

I was given my first ozempic pen in early January, but i didn't take it until 23 January. to be honest, i was scared - scared of taking an injection, scared of the very common side effects, and scared of what could happen to me. would i still be the same person? would i lose weight? would i be so sick that i'd have to stop? what if i didn't lose ANY weight? Was I just hopeless? if i did lose the weight, would anything change for the better? worse?

what follows are the accounts written over the past three weeks from my facebook.

Day 3: sore muscles. not sure if related to the ozempic or if i’m just feeling crappy. so far no nausea to speak of.

Week One:

* some full body soreness for a couple of days

* lots of burp, awkward

* some very minor GI issues I won't elaborate on (added for tumblr: constipation)

honestly, it wasn't that bad, knock on wood. I haven't had any real nausea to speak of, mental health is about as good as it usually is. let's see what happens with week two.

Beginning of week 3: 0.25mg still.

the day after is usually the worst - muscle soreness all over my body, and the nausea is at its strongest. soreness goes away after a day or so, and the nausea is intermittent afterwards.

i’ve noticed that the amount of “food noise” has really decreased; i can tell when i’m actually hungry as opposed to eating out of boredom or stress (the nausea lets me know). i’ve been craving peanut butter & meat (not together), which means that i probably need more protein. im definitely fuller faster as well. no idea if i lost anything since i don’t keep a scale in the house, but my resting glucose was 106, which - while still high - is fantastic compared to what it was.

gonna keep on going, i guess. not sure when to bump to 0.5mg, so i’ll also update that when it happens.

-----

back to the present. the fatigue is the biggest issue so far. to be fair, I don't know if this is due to the lowered food intake, the medication, or the depression, but it's greatly increased over the last couple of weeks. i'm going to see if i can reach out to my pcp and see what they think.

so far, that's about it. like i said, I'll try to update this at least weekly. i think it's important to document - not only for my own health, but as a sort of record for anybody else interested in potentially trying this medication. i also admit that i have some concerns about the long term effects of the med, so this will also hopefully assist in keeping an eye on any potentially troubling patterns.

if you got this far, thanks for reading and letting me share such personal things. see you soon.

[444newbeginnings]

Didn't date check my last post before coming to write this one so ill see after, how long its been. Im falling apart.... theres so much to say and honestly im too tired to even explain. Im going to see my primary care doctor this friday (black friday) and im going to see if she can refer me to a therapist on my insurance. I have never been this low in my life and life is really kicking my ass. My relationship is good when its good and very bad when its bad. No matter how i try to explain it or approach things, i keep ending up sweeping my feelings under a mat and atp its extremely noticeable. Like someone trying to hide a stack of books under a thin bed sheet. It looks ridiculous, right? Which is one of the places i feel all this anger stems from. Yes i have trauma and baggage that I am processing and healing from, which i am aware. But, its also the fact that she doesn't get it. I can't say anything or express my feelings (the not so good ones) without it hurting hurt feelings or making her feel attacked or making her feel like im pointing the finger or making her feel like im only worried about myself or making her feel like she's taken for granted/unappreciated. Granted, i try my hardest to refrain from making her feel any of those ways and try to keep them in mind instead of chucking it up to her just crying wolf in situations that start from me coming to express myself. The problem is though that my feelings usually dont get addressed. And if they do, they're already hurt by then and even more hurt by the way the conversation goes when i try to express them. I try to explain it and she thinks "everything with you has a list or rules or is like wikipedia" (her words). I would much rather her go back to saying i talk to much. Yes some things are just hard to hear and sometimes there isn't an easy way to share an honest feeling. I get that. I try to make her get that. Just because it hurts to hear doesn't mean im in the wrong for saying it. Granted, I KNOW the situations where this doesn't apply!!! Me saying something smart or sarcastically , in a way that obviously would hurt someones feelings or that i know for a fact could have been said differently, does not fall under this. She however does not know the difference. Her words hurt especially when it feels like what and how she said something, is completely unnecessary. Example: the other morning, when she came back from the bathroom i tried to get cuddles because i hate just jumping out of the bed immediately in the morning or into our phones, the day, whatever, without some kind of moment to ourselves, a good morning, a how are you feelings, a check in. I make a comment, jokingly, and say well maybe if you weren't on your phone we could take a minute to cuddle. Saying it to say like get off your phone and love me. She looks at me and says "im on my phone because we're stressed and behind on billls and im checking my application replies (something of that nature but definitely on quote we're stressed and behind on bills). I thought that entire sentence was completely hurtful and unnecessary, not to mention me having a whole emotional breakdown about me feeling fucked up about our situation and me feelings like im drowning and not wanting to be here just for you to turn around, look me in my eye and say that?? The very next day.. it really hurt my feelings. Then when i try to explain the fact that maybe you shouldn't just throw things up in the conversation like that after having said emotional breakdown, im giving too many rules and list and im never satisfied. Its about your insensitivity. You can really be an asshole sometimes, at the worst times. I just dont get it. I know im not a mean or nasty person, especially not for you to carry me that way with the things you say to me. Yes when im angry and we're arguing, im a monster. Which i can acknowledge and i try my hardest not to be and still trying to work on it. Hopefully the therapist will help with that part but outside of that, im not this ungrateful, snappy, mean person you make me feel like .......

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #3; Testosterone HRT, How to Inject, & Its Effects On Body & Mind, Pt. 1

Note: I will likely add more sections to this at a later time, as I learn more about taking testosterone and its effects. Be sure to check back!

1. First, and this can change depending on your body type and what your own endocrinologist recommends for you,

but personally for me and for a lot of transgender men, Testosterone Cypionate, usually 200mg each dose, is the best choice, and so is taking the injection form, doing that intramuscularly, and taking them bi-weekly, meaning every other week on the exact amount of time from the time you took your last dose.

My endocrinologist explained to me that this is due to if you overload your body with testosterone constantly, or if you overdose it in an attempt to get more effects, you will instead have the opposite effect where you will instead gain estrogen, and more of it, because testosterone converts to estrogen when there's an excess of it and the body senses it as something wrong!!

So please please never take more than you are supposed to take, prescribed officially by your doctor.

They usually recommend bi-weekly for most if choosing injections, because it makes it so the testosterone spreads evenly throughout your system the entire time, and just has a very even perfect use that makes the effect stronger and it makes your body get used to it quicker, which speeds up the effects significantly, and tends to be the healthiest option.

2. Also in terms of safety, never ever get testosterone from a non-official source like the black market, online, or from a friend. You cannot trust this, as it has not been evaluated medically whatsoever.

Also, most importantly, you don't have a medical professional there to see if your hormones and all your health is correct and good to start or continue, or what dose to take, or which kind works best for your body, as well as not having any checkups, which is also vital when you take a new hormone in your body to make sure everything is balancing right!!!

So it is very dangerous, you could accidentally overdose, or your body could malfunction somehow, or you could just be injecting yourself with stuff that doesn't work ever!!

There are many things that could go wrong, so PLEASE never ever EVER do this.

Get a trans-familiar endocrinologist.

3. Now mind you, there are other options for taking T if you just cannot handle injections whatsoever.

Option one are tablets called subdermal capsules that they implant under your skin, usually under your arm or shoulder skin as it seems to spread the best that way. They will slowly leak testosterone until they replenish themselves and you have to get them replaced.

Some people praise these as they are pretty even in effects, and they make it so you have a steady supply pretty well, and also you don't have to think about it very often as the tablets last quite a while.

The downside is, that despite its evenness quality, it doesn't actually have very strong effects.

It will still give you effects for sure, but it will take a lot longer, possibly multiple years, to see the full effects of it.

There are also things known as topical testosterone, where you can put a gel or cream on yourself and it will dose you with the amount it has in it.

This is the least invasive option, however it's one with a very small amount of testosterone, so it will take some of the longest to feel, or see, effects.

Also, I have heard from some people that if you are having someone else put the gel on you, if they accidentally get it on their skin, it will literally dose them with testosterone, which is not okay if you have someone who is not trans and does not want it doing it.

So if you choose this route, please do it yourself so you're not dosing any more on to other people, and instead just on to yourself.

It also doesn't waste the dose on others that way, and you get the full effects instead.

There is also things known as oral testosterone, taken through pill form. But I have heard some bad things about these, and I have heard recommendations not to use them due to there being a lot of downsides, as it doesn't absorb into your body nearly as well as any of the other options, even the slower ones.

But really what matters is what you need, and what your body needs, so even though injections provide the most amount and the most even supply when you use them, especially bi-weekly as well, it might be different for you as every single trans guy/transmasculine person is different, physically & mentally!

And some things work better for others, so consult with your doctor, and let them know the effects and the timing you want, and they will suggest options for you if you are not able to choose yourself without assistance due to lack of knowledge etc.

I would however recommend deeply researching every section of testosterone as I did, before going to an endocrinologist, so you are very prepared and know which kind you want already which will make the appointment take less time as well.

Also you never want to rely on the information of just one person, so always research.

Don't just trust my guide immediately or anyone's guide if it's just one you read, instead do your own research on many sites & forums, and find what works for you, as I can only say what works/worked for me.

4. And when it actually comes to the fun part, the injections,

I will give you a step-by-step guide on mostly how to have someone else inject you, but you can also take my advice for injecting yourself, however I have no advice for specifics of that, such as ways to calm yourself down from queasiness when doing it yourself, since I have never injected myself due to me honestly being just a little squeamish about doing it myself.

But I've always had my mother do it, and I have watched occasionally to see how best to do it, and have experienced it quite a few times now, so I know which way is the least painful as well.

If I were ever forced to do it myself, that way I would be able to because I know how to beforehand.

Now what you do is when you pick up your prescription of Testosterone, this is assuming if you take it bi-weekly and an injection form, you get two 1 ml bottles (A month's supply) and you have to unfortunately ask for & buy the syringe that comes preloaded with the needles.

Also make sure never to ask for just a needle, cuz they will literally give you just a needle, and no syringe.

It's happened to me before, LOL.

They usually have the syringes & needles in stock almost always, but there are a few occasions where they didn't have the needles.

But it is honestly annoying having to pay for something extra when the testosterone itself doesn't cost anything, yet the injection needles you need to use it do??? Lmao.

However it's not that annoying, because they're actually relatively cheap!

Here in Nevada, with no discounts used, they usually only cost you about like $3 usually, $4 at most, so it's pretty price effective.

5. I strongly recommend this, it was my mom's edition to this by the way, she strongly recommends as well,

that you should wait at least a month before taking your first dose of T.

Even when you just received it!

The reason for this is because sometimes they will be out of testosterone or out of needles, or you won't be able to afford it for whatever reason, you never know and it's so much better to have at least 1 if not 2 backup doses and syringes + needles on hand so you never have to worry about that.

I was impatient and injected the day I got it, and so though I haven't run into a problem yet, it is stressful knowing that if a mistake happens with the injection and the fluid leaks out too much, or something happens, whatever it is, that I won't have a backup dose.

So, I would highly recommend waiting a month or even two before injecting, so you have two doses and you pick it up way before you run out every time.

That's way more efficient.

6. Now although this comes from the point of view of someone who hasn't injected themselves, and only has been injected, I pretty much know how it works so I could if I had to, I would just be squeamish.

And for a lot of people they feel the same, so it's easier to get a family member or a close friend to do it for you, as long as they're always around when you need to take your dose.

Personally I have my mom do it because she's talented at injections due to having reptiles that needed some done the same way.

So, basically, you take everything out of its containers, and make sure not to touch the needle itself ever.

Once everything's out of its containers, then make sure to test if the needle is totally closed onto the syringe.

If it is, it's good to go.

Checking the tightness of the needle is very important because if you don't, you can end up having the needle pop off inside you, and release none of the testosterone actually inside of you, wasting a dose completely & it just hurts like a SOB.

Now, take the cap off the needle.

I would recommend always sanitizing the needle, the syringe, and also having a little gauze pad or paper towel piece, all soaked with rubbing alcohol to sterilize the area you will be injecting, so there is no risk of infection at all.

Although not extremely important, I'd recommend you'd also want to bring a tiny Band-Aid.

It will be a very very tiny wound, more like a dot, but it actually bleeds quite a bit after, due to it going deep in, so it's helpful to put a Band-Aid on just for the first hour or so, then take it off and let it breathe, and it heals super quick. It'll be gone before, or by the next day, usually.

Please remember not to touch the needle ever as it'd ruin its sterilization. They're usually sterilized, but it might be a good idea to sterilize them again just in case, to basically make sure there is no risk of infection whatsoever.

Also this is just a common sense cleanliness rule,

but I still want to state it to make sure people know;

Always throw away every single needle and syringe you use, as soon as you are done using it.

Do not keep it or EVER re-inject with the same needle.

And also be sure to throw away any testosterone you have left that is excess from your dose.

You do not need that, as it goes bad and won't work after being exposed to air, so it's impossible to save and use later, unfortunately.

Now, you will be injecting intramuscularly in the leg, either leg will do, hell you can switch them up each time if you'd like. It doesn't matter much.

This means you will be injecting on the area of your thigh that is a little high up, and towards the top, but a little to the outer side.

This means the testosterone is injected straight between the muscles, and goes to the bloodstream quickly also, when you inject.

Now you want to remove the lid from the Testosterone Cypionate bottle, and shake It up very very good, so that there are no bubbles, no particles visible in the Testosterone, and no oil separation either.

If it looks completely clear, or is a slight yellowish colour but mixed together well, then you're good to go.

The possible slight yellowish color comes from the cottonseed oil that they use to store the testosterone correctly in.

It makes it to where you have to use a little bit of a bigger needle to inject yourself with, but it's actually a very very small needle and it's not painful very much at all.

A lot of myths I read about testosterone before I received it said the needles were huge and scary and painful, but the truth is they're not at all, even to me who's slightly scared of needles and has low ability to tolerate pain.

Literally, popping a zit hurts worse than the injections.

The pain is something like a very tiny ant bite, or a slight pinch on your skin, it doesn't really hurt very much at all.

In fact, whenever I take mine, even the very first time I did, I didn't even make a sound! And it's over very quickly, as well.

I would recommend for the easiest time however, for a little higher price, getting a 21 gauge syringe needle, and also an 18 gauge syringe needle for each dose you take.

The 21 gauge is larger for drawing up the testosterone from the vial easier than the 18 gauge would.

Then you remove that 21g needle from that syringe, and instead put on the 18 gauge for the actual injecting.

If you want a cheaper price tag, and/or you're just lazy like me, you can get away with using just an 18 gauge needled syringe, however it makes it much significantly harder to draw up out of the vial.

It is still quite possible, but is for sure challenging, mistakes can occur so be very careful if you choose this route.

Now when you're trying to draw up the Testosterone Cypionate out of the bottle, you want to hold it upside down, or downward at an angle kind of diagonal, and you want to make sure the needle is visibly in the liquid.

Then, you draw back slowly, but try and fill it as much as you can. You can always dispose of extra that you don't need.

If using only the 18 gauge like said earlier, which is what I personally do, it is very hard to draw up out of the bottle, so be very careful, and try to figure out the trick to it, is all I can say.

Everyone has a different trick for it.

Don't use all the testosterone in the bottle however for your actual being-injected-dose.

You need to usually use only 75 mL of the 1 ml bottle each dose.

Also before you ever inject, but after you fill the syringe, make sure to aspirate the needle, which means to act like you're injecting it, in the air pointing up, needle upwards, and you very slowly push down, which expels a little bit of the testosterone, but you also expel any air particles or bubbles that are trapped inside.

This is why you want to put a little more in the syringe than you actually will inject, because when you aspirate the needle some will leak out and make it the perfect amount to inject, rather than losing it an amount of it that you need.

If there is even a single bubble inside the syringe, that can cause a heart attack, and many other deadly problems!!!

So do not ever inject, if there is a bubble in your syringe.

If there is, best case scenario is you try to aspirate it heavily, even if you need to then refill it somewhat afterwards, the most important part is making sure no air bubbles are in it.

If there is no way to get the bubble out, you'd need to buy a new syringe, as it most likely has a deformation of some kind.

But that's the worst case scenario, and personally I haven't experienced that yet.

That, however, is why it is so important to aspirate, to make sure there's no air left in the syringe before you inject.

Now you want to make sure to get exactly .75 ml, that you put it up to the line right before 1 ml and that's about the amount you need.

And remember; never take more than prescribed, it will have the opposite affects you want.

Now that you know all the details, here is how to perform injecting the actual testosterone.

You take the needle to the sterilized area of thigh that you cleaned with the rubbing alcohol.

And you can either use a kind of sideways diagonal position to go in, or you can use straight on.

I find straight on makes it much less painful for me, so I usually go with that, but either way works, and whatever is most comfortable for you is what you should use.

Now you just go in kind of slowly, and try not to move the needle around too much, just push slowly all the way in 'till the needle is completely in the leg.

Then dispense slowly the testosterone to the intramuscular area, and once all the testosterone is out of the syringe and inside your bloodstream, pull it out very slowly, all the while holding the skin around it firmly, so that it doesn't hurt as much pulling it out. If you pull it out fast it fuckin' hurts.

You can also sterilize the area of injection again, if you want, but it's not really necessary.

Then, you just put that Band-Aid previously mentioned on, for like an hour, and you're good!

7. Now for the effects of testosterone, though I don't have a perfect timeline. But around one DAY in, I noticed for some reason my clitoral growth where your clitoris pretty much changes into a tiny penis except the urethra doesn't move unfortunately without surgery.

It can grow one to two inches at max, although I have not experienced that much yet.

However for some reason I had definitely experienced minor clitoral growth pretty much as soon as I took my first shot of testosterone, which is incredibly rare, as it's supposed to happen six months to a year in and be one of the later effects!! But for some reason, it was the first effect I got, so that really goes to show that everyone is built quite different, so some things in this guide might not be totally accurate for everyone.

1 week in, I started experiencing a very hoarse voice, not a sore throat or anything, but just where your voice sounds like you're sick or you're losing your voice, for some reason.

This is the first step in your voice changing to a deeper baritone.

It's usually not painful whatsoever, but I have heard from some people that it can irritate their throat occasionally due to the foreign feeling of it, this stage doesn't last very long though.

Then, about 1 month in, I started noticing extensive hair growth. Also I seem to have got way darker hair than any of my family members ever had, and way more hair than they ever had, so you can't totally rely on the predictions of what your family looks like to see how you're going to change.

You kind of have to be ready for anything to happen, but usually the hair growth and the masculinity of your family will almost always pass on to you when you transition physically.

This can even include male pattern baldness eventually.

Sometimes it happens to trans men immediately after taking it, other times it will take years and other times it will be when they're elderly like cis men have.

Personally, I have not seen any male pattern baldness yet, however my front l of my hair slightly receded back and in the shape of male members of my dad's side of my family, but nothing like a total receding hairline.

It still looks like a full head of hair!

Usually you can tell what type of hair you get by looking at your family members closely.

If your family includes a lot of thick hairy people naturally, then you are going to usually get very large amounts of hair.

If you have a family with barely any hair, or very light coloured hair, you'll usually get a small amount of hair or a large amount of hair but with light colour. Personally, I got real lucky so it's clear that there are exceptions, but that's usually how it goes is that you can look to your family members as to how you're going to look and sound like.

About 3 months in, my voice started really deepening and I mean really deep. But the funny thing about it is that sometimes it will switch from being really low and masculine and amazing, to being kind of regular like before, to a little low but not super low, and even to what I call the "permanent helium" which makes you literally sound like you inhaled helium but it's literally just your vocal cords cracking that bad from growing to a male length.

Sometimes it will crack in a way where you can't stop talking in that high pitch, and it's really awkward, but it is also really funny if you learn to laugh at yourself, and always remind yourself that this is the process of gaining a deeper voice.

I have heard that vocal training to make your voice deeper also helps exponentially for more effects if you want a super deep voice.

About 4 to 5 months in, which is where I'm currently at, I've experienced way more hair growth!

Even more so than the start of it.

My head hair seems to be thicker and healthier for some reason, I'm not sure why because I have never heard of that affecting your head hair, its texture, or its thickness like that?

But it seems to have happened, so I guess it's possible?

I'm gaining a moustache and a few beard hairs, but mainly my moustache is super dark and already very visible.

Also due to my moustache and my deep voice alone, now I can already pass pretty much 100% of the time if maybe 99%, and I'm a very naturally baby-faced person too, so that's impressive!

My voice is mainly settled into a pretty deep baritone.

It still has a little bit of a high pitch sometimes, but barely.

I can tell there's a little more progress needed, but not much.

I don't do the helium thing as much as I used to, but it does still occasionally occur as lengthening your vocal cords, which is what occurs when you take testosterone, can be a lengthy and frustrating process at times.

I have also specifically seen lots of body hair at this time, way more than the sparse amount at first, including even a happy trail and a little bit of chest hair although it's not noticeable yet unless you squint, but it still has way more than I used to!

Also my hair on my arms, and especially on my legs, is thick, dark and everywhere.

I've also noticed my fat is starting tk begin redistributing a little bit.

It's not totally doing it yet, but it's getting close, as my thighs, hips, and behind area lost a bunch of weight, while my stomach gained a little bit of weight and so did my arms.

I also gained a fair bit of muscle as not only can I see it when I flex, but also I can lift things a little easier than I used to, and muscle seems to develop easier for me, even when I work out barely.

I've never been a very physical person, so it's still hard, but it's way easier now that I take testosterone.

Those are all the effects I have to record right now, as I'm only 4-5 months in, but I will update this with new parts as I experience more and more.

Also, please take all effects and timelines with a grain of salt, because everybody works differently.

Also I specifically was mentioning Testosterone Cypionate, bi-weekly injection form, so if you take testosterone in a different way, some of this might be different, irrelevant or even completely useless to you, but I am only able to provide information on these forms as they're the only form I've taken of it myself.

Now, to quickly dispel a few stupid myths that circulate around taking testosterone, to ease your worries.

Myth #1. "Testosterone makes you aggressive, violent, and a bad person!"

The truth is that testosterone does not change who you are, whatsoever.

It can however change certain little preferences like for example what flavor food you like will sometimes change, but usually not all foods, just a couple, or sometimes even just one.

It can change little tiny details, like maybe your favorite colour may change, and it definitely does have its emotional effects for sure, but it does not make anyone aggressive or violent automatically.

Testosterone is not an angry hormone, and estrogen is not a peaceful hormone, despite what most people stereotype them as being, so just blanketing everyone under the term of "aggressive" because they have testosterone in them is straight-up incorrect at best, and also sexist at worst.

Estrogen is not better than testosterone. Testosterone is not better than estrogen. It just matters what you want in your body.

What it may actually do is sometimes, people will experience a wide variety of emotions, including extreme euphoria and confidence (that's the effect I seem to have had, thankfully!)

Other people however will get very emotional and sad and will cry over things easier, and no, that's not an estrogen trait, testosterone can do that too.

And sometimes, on a rare occasion, people can get more irritable or cranky. But they're never violent.

They just get a little grumpier than usual.

However, all these emotional effects eventually do phase out and stabilize, and you'll be back to all your regular moods.

You never truly change who you are as an individual, and your beliefs and morals will stay the same.

It's not like you will completely change into a different person, you will never have to fear that, nor should any of your family and friends.

Myth #2. "Testosterone is steroids, right? So doesn't that mean that you're stronger than everyone else?"

This is a ridiculous notion, and I'm not even sure how it got spread im the first place, but I've heard it firsthand, and it's really as stupid as it sounds.

Testosterone is not steroids, they may have some similar properties due to chemical makeup, but they are not in any way steroids.

Steroids are an addictive & potentially harmful drug. Testosterone is a naturally occuring hormone that we all have some of.

For instance, testosterone also does not make you any more muscular just automatically.

It can make you a little more muscled subtly due to the muscle structure changing to that of a cis man's, but it can't straight up make you jacked, that's just not possible.

Also it does not make you any stronger than anyone else.

It might make you a little stronger than a cis female, but you are not stronger than a cis man, in fact you're weaker, due to starting out assigned female at birth.

I'm not sure why people assume that if you take testosterone, that means you're strong??

Because you're taking testosterone because you don't have any so clearly you don't have very much.

I'm not totally sure where this silly notion got spread, possibly as a way to make trans people feel guilty for taking T, by making them think it's a drug, and it's just not when you look at the facts.

It's good to dissuade folks who think this way, from this notion, as it can also make us look like drug addicts or on steroid pills, which both are just completely false.

Testosterone is not even addictive.

It's a natural hormone inside your body.

Myth #3. "Testosterone will give you all forms of cancer, and strokes and heart attacks, almost certainly!"

I'm not sure where or how this got spread either, it is true that it is possible, they said, in a scientific study, that they can't confirm completely that it could theoretically make your chances of stroke and heart attack a little higher due to your system basically changing to that of a cis man's, and going through a cis man's puberty.

But honestly, you have less risk of strokes and heart attacks than even cis men do, and you don't have a prostate which is a common location for men to get cancer, so you actually have an advantage over most!

It's very rare that you would ever come into contact with one of these things happening, pretty much as rare if a little less as it would be if you didn't take T at all.

There is also no evidence whatsoever that testosterone causes cancer, of any kind, let alone all of them.

A lot of people have tried to spread this rumour, to stop people from getting HRT treatment, which is really cruel and fucked up, and a lot of parents will use the "cancer" excuse as a way to not give their child HRT.

The truth is that it does not cause cancer, and that is a complete myth.

There's actually some evidence that being on T might improve your chances of fighting cancer, and having a stronger immune system for it as well.

Myth #4. This kind of goes along with the other one, but some people believe that "If you take testosterone, you could be shortening your lifespan by many years!!"

This is complete speculation, nothing has been confirmed.

It's possible, perhaps, that it could shorten your lifespan by a couple years, but not many.

You still would have an advantage over cis men again.

But it's never been truly proved that your lifespan gets shorter from T, so there is no reason to fear less of your life occuring just because you're trying to make yourself happier.

All right, I think that's all the rumours I can set straight, and all the info & advice about injections and medicine and general information about testosterone that I can give you at the moment.

I will update this post later, so please check back again in maybe a few month's time from now, as then I will have more effects to discuss.

But if I want to leave you with anything to think about,

remember that testosterone is a completely safe and natural chemical hormone that produces itself in your body already.

You just don't have enough of it to look the masculine way you want to.

It is not dangerous, it won't hurt you and if you really want it, go after it!!

But I would also very much advise you to be sure you want to go ahead with it, and that you are okay with all effects happening.

Because if you aren't, if you are even the least bit hesitant, not only will the doctor not allow you to proceed because you are not mentally fit to yet,

but also if you did end up taking testosterone then you could end up getting effects that you don't want, and having them be permanent, and causing you dysphoria for the rest of your life.

So please, make sure to know yourself well, and know your wants and needs clearly.

I also highly recommend having a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist for quite a while before going into testosterone therapy.

Not only does it make you more qualified to acquire testosterone because it shows you actually thought it through, but also it is exceedingly helpful for the mental and physical changes you will be proceeding with over these next years.

The last thing I want to say, my closing note, is congratulations on your testosterone, if you received it!

And I hope my guide helped in any way, and apologies if it ended up really long this time, there's a lot of things you need to know about T.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this humble trans guy's journal entries help you at all.

- Atom T. L. Yorke

[heliads]

In Need of Comfort

Based on this request: “reader breaks into piotr rasputin’s room in the middle of the night because she wants cuddles. but they usually don't cuddle often so he doesn't know how to answer.”

masterlist

You’re back again, back in the dream. Then again, to call this thing a dream is to call the worst of tortures a mild exercise in self control; it’s as close as you can come to a nightmare without outright reducing yourself to insanity. The worst part is that you’ve lived through this nightmare many times before, and the worst part is that you were there in real life first, even before it invaded your dreams.

The room is the exact same, it always is. Bleached tiles, the faint and acrid scent of antiseptic even though you shouldn't be able to smell things in dreams at all. How is it that your worst nightmares always seem to break the rules that should confine them? It’s not as if you needed any more hints that what was happening in your head was crucially, brutally wrong in every sense of the word.

You’re strapped to a medical bed, thick restraints on your arms and legs and throat, although space is made for easy access to your key arteries. Your thin hospital gown is stained with blood, the same rusty smears on the floor beneath you. Sometimes, there’s too much even for the cleaners to remove. You scream and scream for as long as you want, but it doesn’t matter- no one will hear you. No one ever does.

The doctors linger by your eyes, your heart, your lungs. They poke and prod then sew you back up only for the process to start all over again. Why shouldn’t they keep going, they ask? What is it about a mutant that would ever let them show you an ounce of mercy? In the end, they grow tired of your pleading and silence you once and for all. It is only then, once they wipe their hands of blood and begin to walk away, that you finally wake up in a cold sweat.

You have to stare around the room for many minutes, chest heaving with stolen breath, before you can remind yourself of where you are and be sure that it’s not just another lie made to make you believe that you escaped from the labs. No- everything is here, everything is in place. The sheets are a tangled, sweaty mess around you, but that isn’t new. You’re still in your room at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, still just as hurt as you were the first time you showed up.

Now that you’ve assured yourself that you’re still here, you begin to lean back a little, muscles screaming in protest after the apparent exertion of the nightmare. You press a hand to your forehead and find it hot; whether that’s because you’re feverish or simply because your fingers are shaking too much for you to think much of anything, that is up to you. You should be able to sense anything about your body, as that is your gift, but you’re too rattled for anything to make sense.

You were supposed to be a healer, you know. You were supposed to mend broken bones instead of shattering them, save dozens instead of killing hundreds. When you first discovered your mutation, back when you were very young, that’s what you thought you would be: a healer, a savior. Someone people could look to with a smile or a plea whenever they needed help, someone who would most certainly not be feared as a destroyer of homes and lives.

Then the doctors at the labs had found you and brought you in, and just like that, all of your best wishes for your future were gone. They had stripped away the healer in you, and replaced it with a mindless killer. Instead of slowing blood flow and grafting skin, you tore flesh from bone. Your powers could be boiled down to the bare ability to change the function of the human body. So, the doctors merely changed you to harm instead of heal. It was the simplest of answers- everyone needs a soldier, no one needs a medic. Why shouldn’t they change you?

It wasn’t that easy for you, of course. The doctors weren’t the ones strapped to a medical bed and forced to live through round after round of excruciating procedures, they were the ones holding the scalpel. By some sheer force of will, you managed to survive, although you were never quite the same. No one really could, right? There is no way that you would be able to pick up every single piece of yourself and put it back together again. After all, your status as a healer was a thing of the past.

Xavier had found you shortly after that, a monster still trying its best to scrub away the blood underneath its fingernails. Instead of putting you down or trying to lock you away, he’d offered you a place in his school. All he asked is that you try to get back to the person you once were, to convince your mind to save instead of hurt. It was a lot harder than he had thought- the doctors had pretty much rewritten your DNA to change your mutation for the worse. However, you’re willing to give it a shot.

That’s why you’re here, now, sitting terrified in your bed reliving the past instead of still being stuck in it. You know that, and you should be able to breathe more evenly and go back to sleep, but you can’t. This nightmare was too vivid, seemed too real. If you didn’t know better, you’d say that they were getting worse. No, the possibility of sleep is something you can’t possibly consider, not until you know for a fact that you’re going to be alright after this.

So, you get up, forcing the knotted bedsheets away from you. Your tired footsteps pad down the hallway, away from your room and towards a more familiar one. You only have to knock once or twice before the door opens to reveal the face you’ve been longing to see- Piotr Rasputin, although he does look fairly surprised to see you here at this hour of the night. He starts to ask a question, you can see that in his sleep-laced eyes, but you can’t come up with an answer. Instead, you move forward, slumping against his chest.

After a second, he wraps his arms around you, guiding you inside and shutting the door. “Nightmare?” He asks, although the question is mostly irrelevant now. Piotr knows about these dreams, they stick with you just as his own seem to stay with him. He promises that he’ll track down the doctors from the lab and make sure they can never haunt you again. He says this every single time you’ve had a nightmare, every time you’ve woken up too scared to even think about closing your eyes. This is why he’s sworn this exact oath maybe a hundred times.

However, you never came to him after the nightmares, choosing instead to deal with them in the quiet solitude of your own room. Tonight’s dream was especially bad, though, which is why you needed your boyfriend here to remind you that you’re still safe in the school. Piotr senses all of this, and picks you up, carrying you back to his bed. He climbs in next to you, pulling up the blankets around you. The air is cold in Xavier’s School at this time of night; already, you’re cooling off and grateful for the comfort of the sleep-warmed fabric.

Piotr’s arms settle around you once again. “Do you want to talk about it?” The syllables are slow to come, drenched with the exhaustion of waking up so late into the night. Then again, he’s still fairly conscious for such an odd time to be awake. It appears that you weren’t the only one to wake up with a nightmare of the things trapped in the dark recesses of your mind and memories.

You shake your head quietly. It’s too recent, your mind still trapped in that half-real realm between sleep and consciousness that you’re afraid that by speaking the names of your fears, they could still visit you here, even after you woke up. Piotr nods, although judging by the slight clench of his jaw he feels bad that he can’t even provide you this relief. You haven’t done this recently, if ever- he doesn’t know how to convince you that you’re still in reality if he’s not that sure of it himself.

However, he’s not willing to give up on you just yet. That’s why you fell in love with him in the first place, isn’t it? There isn’t a thing that he wouldn’t do for you, and right now, that means Piotr will stay with you until he’s sure that you’re going to be alright, at least for now. So, he tightens his grip on you, pulling you close until your head is nestled against his chest. It’s funny- for someone who’s mutation is becoming a man made entirely of hard, dense metal, he can be fairly soft and comforting when he wants to be.

His breath is warm against the top of your head. “What do you plan on doing today? We’ve got classes, of course, and practice, but other than that the day is free. We could do anything.” You can feel your own breathing evening out as you listen to him speak. “What is there to do?” Piotr fishes around for an answer before responding. “It’s supposed to be a nice day. We could walk around the grounds.”

You pause for a moment, considering this. “It’s not supposed to rain?” Piotr shakes his head. “Not a drop. Nothing but clear blue skies all day.” Your movements still slightly. Even now, so close to your boyfriend and so far from the labs, you’re unable to let go of the horrors of the nightmares. “I don’t think I was ever meant to be a blue sky. I’ve got too many thunderstorms for that.” Something almost like a smile touches upon Piotr’s lips. “Well, in all honesty I like thunderstorms more. Nothing but blue can get pretty boring after a while.”

You can hear the words he’s not saying: even in times like this, when you’re still shaking from the nightmares, he’d pick you. He’d pick you every time. Honestly, for someone who has no idea how to make you feel better, he’s doing a pretty good job of it. You snuggle up closer to him, wrapping the blankets even tighter around yourself. “Thank you, Piotr.”

His smile is deeper now. “Of course, Y/N. Anytime.” You can tell he means it. You had intended to stay awake a little longer, to say something else, but you’re so tired and the bed is so warm that you can’t seem to stop your eyelids from drooping. Sleep is already upon you, and you feel Piotr press a kiss to your forehead just before you fall completely under the tide. For once, you have no nightmares at all.

xmen tag list: my anti nightmare homie (thats a thing now) @underc0vercryptid​

[we-dragons]

I'm from a different dimension actually Chapter 9 Damian x reader

"What is this place, why is it shaped like a T?" We stand on an island with this enormous building smack in the center of it the sunset shade casting a large shadow over us, I can't get over how ridiculous it looks. Or contemplate my confusion, Nightmare makes an unimpressed huff and nuzzles back into my shoulder.

"Titan's tower."

"why would this be a good place to hide? It's the most obvious building here, I ran with you for several days I'm beginning to think I would be safer under my floorboards." He walks up to the doors and pulls out a card holding it in front of the circular panel. It beeps and a clicking noise comes from the door.

"Believe me this would be a better place for you." I sigh a form of any and all anxiety pools in my body, but I still meet him at the now unlocked door.

"Alright fine but you need to explain to me why here of all places."

"When we get inside." The doors swing open, the area behind it lights up leading to what I assume is an elevator. I'm pulled inside not giving me a chance to look around. "Hey!" He doesn't answer but pulls us into the elevator, I don't see him push a button but we almost immediately move up. It's fast but not as fast as the one I had to go down for training at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. Though the feeling is familiar and I start missing my classmates all over again. I rub the wrist that Damian was holding to dragging me here. Nightmare growls at the space moving him and interrupting his nap. The space stops and the door opens to an open space that looks like a large living room. a white angled couch a large kitchenette and an impossibly large TV by open glass windows. The room has several people all staring at us, my anxiety hits me tenfold and I take a step back. A hand is at my shoulder the moment I do and pushes slowly while moving itself. The doors close signaling that I'm truly stuck here, a woman with Neon pink hair and bronze skin zooms up to us.

"It's so good to see you, and I see you brought a friend. Richard has been looking all over for you."

"I know that's why you can't tell him we're here." I'm pushed forward. "She's a mutant possessing the X-Gene, my father wants to interrogate her for the information, she needs to stay here till a better solution becomes present. Can she stay here?"

"Well of course she can stay-"

"What?!" Nightmare jumps from my arms and hisses. I walk backward, taking in this new information. "How did, you find out when-when." Fear creeps how long had he known how much trouble was or might be in. But he didn't mention this. but then again why would he. How does he know about the X-Gene though, from the research I did there were none here with it. The closest there was were Metahumans but even they didn't have anything close. My back hits the wall and I return to the world Nightmare growls standing guard in front of me. Everyone who was in the room now stood in front of me, a boy that was green from head to toe, another girl in a purple cloak and unitard, and another boy with something attached to his back. The pink-haired woman steps forward, but Nightmare swats at her yowling as a warning to keep away. She raises her hands in surrender but looks at me.

"There is no need to be afraid, I knew people like you, Jean Grey, Cyclops. they came here by accident once a few friends and I helped them get back. It would have been 7 years ago now." Damian steps forward Ignoring Nightmare, guilt is painted slightly on his face he tries to coax me from the wall. "I'm sorry I knew since the time you showed me, I checked my recorder after that visit and played it back home in front of everyone. I was to find out more from you and report back after we scanned those samples that healed me. When we were ready I was supposed to bring you back with me for interrogation with confirmation of your mother's research." Something snaps inside me and I glare at him.

"So all that was for those stupid journals. Wow, for how long were you faking nice. No, don't tell me it'll just feel worse. " I put a hand on my face willing the emotions of confusion to stop. A crackling noise makes its self known in front of me followed by screams.

"Holy Crap that thing has tentacles coming from its face!"

"Ahh!"

I gasp at the sight Nightmare had gone full flerken and is attempting to drag Damian in. I lunge at Nightmare dragging him across the floor. He lets go of Damian but he hasn't changed back to cat form. "Nightmare No! Calm down I'm fine I swear it! Stop!" The black fuzzball retracts his tentacles and hisses at the crowd.

"I'm sorry, he gets like that when he sees me upset sometimes. Not sure if you have them here but he's half flerken, they look like cats but they're quite deadly." I set Nightmare down and he crawls behind my legs once again hissing particularly at the green boy how has gotten closer, he turns into a green cat making Nightmare run in the process. Damian limps forward his leg is bleeding through his suit. I would let that heal naturally if only wounds inflicted by Nightmares in the flerken form never heal normally on their own.

"Y/N these are the Titans, the one mimicking your," he waves his hand in the air as if to find the world. "flerken is Garfield." He points to Nightmare being chased my the green cat attempting to lose him. The bronze woman glides forward stomping a foot from me the others followed behind.

"Hello my name is Starfire you can call me Kori, this here is Raven," She points to the purple girl then moves her other hands to the boy. "and this is Jaime. We are pleased to have you here Y/N." She grabs my hand pulling me away from the middle of the room where I had landed. "Now let's get you settled in I'll talk to Damian for a bit after." Nightmare notices my leaving and jumps onto my right sholder hissing at the green-skinned boy.

_____________________________________________________________

I honestly don't know how to feel, to be honest, I should have guessed it so it's my fault. I could have left him and then this wouldn't have happened, but then he would have died in my apartment. Could have been more hostile, but then he definitely would have gone with the kidnapping strategy and I would be already in the hand of batman. Now I'm in the known world of their superheroes, the superheroes know about the Crows and they know about the X-gene. That information can go from good to bad in minutes. Though Kori did know about Jean and Scott, though it was years ago they have traveled through many universes with a small team. I would have been about 10 when this happened and my mother didn't take me there for classes till I was 12. In their lectures, they didn't mention anything like this they did bring in Doctor Strange to teach those of us who could understand how to perform magic. I Now I'm sitting on an insanely comfortable bed knees curled up to my chest just reminiscing. I have been told to use my abilities only when necessary as not to attract any unwanted attention. But what did I do, I screw up my chances of living normally till Doc Strange can pull me back only to find I'm not in my home where I should be. Everything was going so smoothly till now.

The door opens behind me and by the almost silent footfalls, I can tell it's Damian. Nightmare has jumped into my arms forcing me to let go off my legs and watch as the boy drags a chair to face me.

"I suppose you want the whole story now," I said barely looking at him.

"I wasn't going to talk about that yet."

"What did you think you would find in the journals that my mother wrote?"

"An answer on how to stop the Crows."

"You most likely will."

"Than what's in them."

I sigh looking him dead in the eye, pulling myself together for this.

"My mother didn't only study history, in my dimension, she studied all sorts of fields one day she was asked to study something and was gone for almost six months. We hardly heard from her but just enough to know she was alive so naturally when she came back she swore me into secrecy. She explained that she had gone to another world entirely, she studies with them and when she came back more time had passed than when she was there. One journal explaining how she got the and how to get in and another explaining what she found, and the rules for everything she experienced there. She learned things no human should know and kept it from the people she worked for and everyone else. She-she found Avalon, lived among the fey in return for her curiosity and genuine interest they helped her make a guide and history of all fairy and Fae both the pure and the equally disturbed." I reach in my bag and pull out the books from missing from the very research my mother so loved. One being ordinary leather-bound and the other two bear a glowing purple gem on both sides of a very purple dark Tome thick and pooling with some sort of energy as the gem. I give him a serious look gripping both books. "She left it to me but I haven't read them yet, I...I couldn't bring myself to. It might be better used in your hands anyway. Though I shouldn't I still trust you for some reason, so under the conditions that you only use what you find for the better of those in need you may find your information. The journals, however, will stay within my sight understood." He nods, I start to give the leather books to him he stops me.

"I don't want to see them before you," He takes the books from my hands and places them back in the bag. "If you are convinced that I should still read them, then I will convince where ever you wish to study them." He sits on the bed next to me staring out the window. "What I want to talk about is how we get Father not to view you as a threat and as a friend. I went over it with Starfire and we both agree this is the best option." He pauses before he continues. "We're you a hero in your world?"

"You want me to do hero's work and gain a positive reputation so that he's more willing to work with me than slowly forcing out of me."

"Yes."

"How do you know about the X-gene?"

"It was in our database from when Jean Grey and Cyclops had visited. They helped take down an invasion of the skrul and took them back with them to their own dimension. Father took some DNA samples to work with and ask about their abilities. There are entire folders on the subject alone." He pauses again running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Not for that, for everything else."

"Yes that is very much on you but it's also on me. But if I had left you with Crow poison in your blood you would either turn into an undead flesh puppet in my room or die. That would not have gone down well for either of us. I was also mostly upset you broke my window and wanted compensation," I see him visibly tense and clench his teeth. "and didn't even bother to say thank you."

"I Fixed your awful goddammed window isn't that thanks enough." He glares at me.

"Was it? After all, you did spy on me and report it to the Dark Knight." I fall back onto the bed. "There's no getting out of this now might as well get used to it."

"You shouldn't be this comfortable with what's happening, I wouldn't"

"Then why are you smiling ya weirdo, It's almost creepy."

"Tsk, just hand me your computer so I can pull up Star Trek, I would like to finish and begin the movies." I hand him my laptop and he walks over to the wall in front of the bed.

"Um, you know we watch on that computer you making a get away with."

"Yes but the enormous 4k TV is here." He pushes a button I didn't even see before and as promised a TV appears. He smirks at what I assume is my expression. He opens my computer and within minutes Star Trek is cast on the TV. "Please hold your applause till after the show."

"Did you just make a joke? Are you joking now?"

"Aren't I allowed to have a sense of humor?" I Look at Nightmare who has the same thought in his head and I look back at Damian.

"Nope, Nada, No way."

"You know, you're the only one who has talked to me that way and lived."

"I should consider myself lucky then huh."My gaze falls to his leg, It's poorly bandaged so I pull my scales and Med-kit from my bag. " But before I forget I need to treat your leg before your tissue becomes necrotic. You can watch while I work, but you need to swallow one more of the "glittered plastic"."

_____________________________________________________________

"How do you make them?"

"The scales?" I pause stoping the wrap on the angry-looking tentacle mark on his skin.

"What do you think I was talking about?" I smile evilly.

"I thought you were talking about my jokes and wonderful sense of humor." I tie off the bandage and put away my first aid kit. "But If you must know it has to rain first, and I have to be in it. The acidity in the rain is was caused the scales to form but there has to be enough of it. In Gotham, the rain has plenty of it, It soaks into my skin and drains my health which is why I was sick for so long. In return for taking my health, the scales form with healing agents that even baffle me. Normally I would take one and feel fine after but someone decided to take them."

"Do you pull them off?"

"Takes too long and much too painful, I just pour scalding hot water on myself and they pull away from the skin. I clean them and there you have it. Health restoring scales." He stares at me, like I said I pour milk before cereal and then pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds in that order.

"Aren't there better ways to remove them?"

"Yes, but those are back at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters I couldn't pack it with me so I had to find other methods."

He silent again so I put my stuff in the closet, take my Suit out from the bag, and place it on the hanger, the vibranium fibers shimmer in the soft lights then I stuff the rest of my things in there. I have to tell Professor Xavier what's happened on the check update next week with any luck the multi-functional com-piece found the data by now and I can see what they already know. I inwardly sigh, closing the closet and making my way back to the bed. I see Damian drawn into the scene playing on the screen, Data has made his sacrifice saving the Enterprise. I wasn't expecting to last the cleaning to last that long, but then again the poisons from the suction cups dug deeper than I thought. I put some more things away in drawers even though I didn't have much to bring. "We probably should head to bed, I imagine I have to do a proper introduction and demonstrate some form of my power."

"Yes, probably." He gets up grabbing the two scales I gave him for when he starts feeling pain again. Moving swiftly to the door, he takes one more look back then leaves. My eyes fall on Nightmare who sleeps soundly on the end of the bed. I Climb into the warm comforter letting the warmth surround me. I don't even notice myself drifting till all I can hear is static signaling that tonight was going to be a dreamless one.

_____________________________________________________________

"What exactly can you do?" Starfire walks me down to the center of a metallic room filled with weapons and tools, no doubt the training room. I look around more absorbing the room but still answer the question.

"If I see something I can almost instantly learn it or adapt to it, powers, fighting styles, languages I just have to see or hear it. I've had to control it in order not to learn everything and overload happened one time was not pretty."

"What do you mean by almost instantly?"

"Things like shape-shifting are hard to master, but if I concentrate enough I can alter my physical appearance though it takes five minutes to get there and can't hold the form very well after an hour. The first time I saw someone change form my body tried to copy it but I broke my hand instead. But oddly enough I can learn most other powers and knowledge just fine."

"Really? Well just to check could you copy this?" Starfire lifts her hand and green energy forms around it. I lift my hand to match hers and form the same energy in my body, though not green It's a lilac purple. "Sorry still have trouble getting the colors right." The woman stares in awe at my hand, the knowledge of how to use the ability is stored in my memory. I turn my hand light off and look around. She had given me the tour of the building and probably saved this for last to test what I can do. They did the same at XSFGY and had us fight in the ever-changing challenge/training room. I hear the door open and two cheery voices call out.

"Hey Y/N, about to train?" Garfield, the boy in green calls out from the railing where the door is accompanied by Jamie how still looks half asleep.

"I was just about to test her now, could you all stay there, I'm going to pull the full immersion-based training." She floats to a podium on the far side of the room. the area around me pixelated before stilling into a jungle heat and all. Monsters appear from the undergrowth enough level but not easy looking. I raise two fingers to the sky and strike lightning on them Increasing the voltage when one didn't go down, I even open a few portals in the body to warp holes from the flesh. It took about a few minutes to finish and for the simulation to fall. The dark misty cloud vanishes when I flick my wrist. I hear cheering from the side, I turn to face them everyone was now there.

"No way! Did you just see that!!" Jamie is now wide awake sharing an amazing look with Garfield, Raven is a little shocked, while Damian holds a stoic face. I feel a hand on my shoulder and follow it up to the orange-haired woman. I don't catch that she isn't stopping and is dragging me out of the room. With the way her hand had angled, I dragged out facing the other people in the room. She moves so fast that they get so small to quickly "You did excellently today, I'm so happy to welcome you to the team! We shall celebrate with a feast fit for kings and I shall cook it."

"Wait!"

"Kori!"

"Aw hell no!"

"YOU COOKED THE OTHER DAY!"

They all start running after us, shouting and trying to stop the woman. I feel refreshed after getting the OK for using my powers finally releasing some of the tension I've felt. I feel exhausted though, probably anticipating all the social interactions yet to come.

[gthreepio]

i’ve been thinking about the future of the mcu and realized there’s a LOT that i didn’t know/didn’t remember in terms of where things are going so i figured i’d sum it up incase anyone else was in the same boat!! 

quick recap of (unresolved) mid-credit scenes:

doctor strange: mordo (a sorcerer that is one of strange’s mentors, who by the end of the movie becomes disillusioned with magic/the ancient one and quits) confronts pangborn (the paraplegic who healed himself with the mystic arts, who tells strange about mystic arts in the first place) and steals his magic because according to mordo, there are “too many sorcerers." of note, this guy is typically a villain in the comics but hasn’t been thus far...

gotg2: ayesha (leader of the sovereign, a golden skinned alien race obsessed with genetic purity), after spending most of the movie chasing the guardians for stealing some stuff, is revealed to have created an artificial being named “adam” which is presumably, adam warlock. (other stuff that is less relevant: kraglin appears to take up yondu’s mantle; the ravagers regroup and several old and obscure comic book characters are introduced [charlie-27, aleta, martinex, mainframe]; the watchers are watching things.) 

far from home: j jonah jameson basically tells the whole world spider-man’s secret identity, and frames him for what happened with mysterio....making him public enemy #1. ALSO, turns out nick fury and maria hill in the movie were ACTUALLY the two skrulls from captain marvel (talos and soren) attempting to do their job, while the real fury (and presumably hill) is ... up in space on some spaceship!!!

wandavision: monica (who we can assume is photon) is called by “an old friend of [her] mother’s,” up in space, which presumably means fury, talos, or carol. ALSO, wanda sits in the middle of nowhere reading the darkhold and hears the voices of her children who.. by all accounts, should not exist. 

aaaaand what we know about future movies (i’m not even going into the tv series.....): 

black widow: 

takes place after civil war

nat confronts a “dangerous conspiracy with ties to her past,” likely has to do with taskmaster who has apparently taken over the red room where nat was trained as an assassin

prominent new characters: yelena belova, who will take over the mantle of black widow after this; alexei shostakov aka red guardian, an ollllld marvel hero analogous to captain america except for the soviet union.

tony stark will make an appearance... SOBS

shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings:

shang-chi has never been seen in the mcu before, but he is, essentially, a superhero that is a master martial artist, and in some adaptations can also create duplicate (fake) versions of himself to confuse opponents

main villain will be the the mandarin who we have *sort of* seen before... he is the leader of a terrorist organization called “ten rings” whose main goal is to destroy world peace. brief history -- in iron man 1: one ten rings cell kidnaps tony stark and tries to force him to make weapons (he of course, makes his suit instead). stark and ten rings become enemies and fight a bunch. nat and nick fury fight them too. in iron man 3, the villain aldrich killian hires a dude to pretend to be the mandarin and claim responsibility for a bunch of stuff, but its not the ten rings or the mandarin at all. this makes the mandarin v mad and he has a dude kidnap the faker to punish him. they also briefly show up in ant-man, when a ten rings agent tries to buy the yellowjacket suit that darren cross is selling. BUT IN SHANG-CHI....... looks like we are FINALLY going to see the real mandarin after over a decade!! 

the villain razor fist will also show up, he is lesser known... he has no superhuman powers but he has surgically replaced his hands (1 or 2, depending on the version) with a steel blade, and is highly skilled at hand to hand combat.

besides the presence of these characters, the only bit of plot we know is “shang-chi is drawn into the ten rings organization and forced to confront his past.” so... yeah. we don’t know much at all.

eternals: 

quick explanation: the eternals are an immortal alien race who have been secretly living on earth for thousands of years. they were created by the celestials, who are most prominently in gotg2. 

more entirely new characters!!! their names are: thena, who can form any weapon out of cosmic energy; gilgamesh, who can make a super strong exoskeleton out of cosmic energy; ikaris, who has superhuman strength, flies, and can project cosmic energy out his eyes; kingo, who can shoot cosmic energy projectiles from his hands; makkari, who creates sonic booms, has super speed, and is deaf; phastos, who has enhanced intelligence, and is also gay (and married with a kid!); ajak, who has healing powers; sprite, who can project illusions; sersi, who can manipulate matter; druig, who can mind control; and dane whitman (black knight), a human with a mystical sword. 

regarding the plot... it seems the eternals have kind of dispersed, but have to come together again to fight the deviants, who are their “evil counterparts” (also created by the celestials, though i’m unclear on why). thena and gilgamesh have apparently been in exile, unclear why; sersi, who is posing as a museum curator, has apparently been in love with ikaris for centuries and it seems as if their love story may be central to the film; and kingo is a bollywood film star in his spare time. aaaaand that’s pretty much all we know.

directed by chloé zhao of nomadland fame! 

spider-man no way home: 

based on the post-credits scene in far from home, peter parker will now be known as spider-man to everyone. unclear if he’s going to be seen as a bad guy due to mysterio framing him, but i guess we’ll see! 

jamie foxx is electro, and alfred molina is doctor octopus; which is VERY interesting considering they played these roles in other spider-man franchises, once again stirring up excitement for possible multiverse. 

there have been *multiple* reports that andrew garfield, kirsten dunst, tobey maguire, and emma stone will be in the movie but tom holland has repeatedly denied this... so... who knows. 

there are also rumors that matt murdock / daredevil (from netflix) will be in several scenes! not confirmed though. 

MJ is still his girlfriend and i hope it stays that way!! 

doctor strange will be featured in the movie, taking on the mentor role now that tony stark is gone :( this will be interesting as i.. haven’t really seen them interact much before. because of this inclusion some people speculate that the film may draw inspo from some comic storylines where peter’s secret identity is restored with magic. 

doctor strange in the multiverse of madness: 

scarlet witch is essentially co-starring!!! it’s going to be really interesting to see if they bring vision or the twins into this at all, though i’m not counting on it. 

seems like mordo will be the main villain -- recall the ds1 post credits scene where he is apparently running around trying to steal people’s magic.

america chavez will make her debut!!!!!! i have no idea how this plays into anything but i am so excited!! 

regarding the plot, all we really know is that strange has been researching the time stone, mordo messes with him, and this results in him accidentally unleashing “unspeakable evil.” presumably there will also be heavy involvement of the multiverse, and who knows what kind of craziness that will bring!! 

initially was going to be directed by scott derrickson who did ds1; however he stepped down to being just EP due to “creative differences.” i am presuming this is because derrickson really wanted to make this more gothic and horror than disney was comfortable with. i REALLY hope they keep some of those elements though and don’t erase the idea entirely! anyway, it will be directed by sam raimi now (of evil dead and spiderman 2002 fame). 

the film also reportedly ties in with the loki series (will loki show up!?) and spiderman 3 (which is obvious enough, given that strange is in that movie and those curious electro and doctor octopus castings...)

thor: love and thunder

directed by taika waititi again, hell yeah!!! and he has stated, the film will be “so over the top now in the very best way" and would make ragnarok look like a "run of the mill, very safe film" .... so.... oh god

so many great returning players!!! including.... valkyrie (now the king of new asgard), jane foster, lady sif, korg, star-lord, mantis, drax, nebula, and kraglin (takes up yondu’s mantle after he dies in gotg2)

in this movie, thor isn’t thor anymore.... it’s JANE!!! she gets cancer :( and is undergoing treatment while simultaneously being thor. i’m a little nervous how this will be handled, but i’m excited. (it’s based off an amazing comic series by jason aaron) 

the big bad: gorr the god butcher, played by christian bale! the gist of it is, this dude HATES gods because nobody helped when his family was dying and in need. his weapon is “all-black the necrosword,” forged from the head of a celestial, and allows the user to create wings and fly at extreme speeds. honestly, he sounds cool as fuck. 

valkyrie is going to be made canonically bisexual!!! 

it will explore more of korg’s backstory, and also include... space sharks!?!?! an alien race from the comics.

taika has called the script “very romantic” so take that as you will 

black panther 2

will again be directed by ryan coogler

not much is known at this point, does not have an official name

t’challa will NOT be recast (which i’m happy about) so..... honestly no idea what to expect for this one. i think we can probably expect shuri to have an expanded role. all we know so far is they will be “exploring the world of wakanda.” not clear to me how this is different from the upcoming wakanda D+ series. 

tenoch huerta has reportedly been cast as a villain, but no one has any idea who. there’s also rumors that donald glover is in “informal talks” to play a role. note all of this is unconfirmed.

captain marvel 2

will be directed by nia da costa (candyman!) and written by megan mcdonnell, who is one of wandavision’s best writers! 

will take place in the present day 

will feature kamala khan / ms. marvel, monica rambeau / photon!!! this will be so interesting.... kamala is a huge fan of carol’s in the comics, she is her mentor/idol. the ms. marvel series will also resportedly lead into cm2. and monica, well, monica knew her when she was a little kid. wandavision implies that there’s some bad blood between carol and monica though, not sure why. maybe because carol left and never came back? (until endgame) 

post-credits scene of wandavision appears to tie into this, having monica go up into space at the reqeust of her “mom’s old friend.” again, not clear who that is. this could also be a tie in to secret invasion though, so we’ll see. or both.

zawe ashton has been cast as an unknown villain... a lot of people are actually speculating that she may play rogue? which would be fascinating, as there’s a comic arc where rogue steals her powers and memories. BUT there’s still no confirmation that X-men exist in the MCU so for now i remain skeptical.

they are looking to cast a ‘john boyega’ or ‘michael b jordan’ type which makes me wonder if they are going to create a new character, a “younger” war machine to be her love interest? (note: carol and rhodey are a huge thing in comics!) carol obviously does not look her age but her and don cheadle.... that just doesn’t work. which is why i wonder.

ant-man and the wasp: quantumania 

in addition to scott and hope, pretty much all the major players are returning including: luis, hank pym, janet van dyne

cassie lang has been recast with an actress 5 years older, which is really making me wonder if they are going to make her stinger in this movie! (aka one of the main young avengers)

the villain: kang the conqueror! this dude time travels. original name nate richards. in the comics, kang travels back in time to rescue his younger self (nate) from an attack that would help shape him towards a life of villainy. kang also gives him some fancy armor. his younger self actually is like, what the fuck dude? and renounces his destiny, becoming a hero. and he makes his armor look like iron man, calling himself iron lad. who is a young avenger. which also makes me wonder about cassie lang.

otherwise not much is known! 

guardians of the galaxy vol. 3

james gunn is returning, i’m mixed about this...he really does *get* the guardians though. 

based on the gotg2 post credits scene, i think we can assume adam warlock will be a HUGE part of this. there are multiple versions of him, some villainous and some heroic, but no idea how this is gonna turn out.

no word yet on whether thor will be involved, or if those ravagers they introduced will be involved. 

fantastic four 

will be directed by the spiderman guy, john watts.

otherwise we know literally nothing.

aaaaand that’s the roundup! 

[shiversdownyerspine]

7. Premeditated

GETTING WARMER FOR ALL THEM OTTO PEEPS. >:D

18+

You take a deep steadying breath into your hands, dragging them down your face as you breathe out. Stars twinkling in the window, you lean forward against the counter as your body shivers uncontrollably. With your elbows atop the counter, you wait once again for your kettle to boil, already dreading morning. 

This can't go on. At this rate, you're going to drink all the coffee in your home! But what can you do except wait? You've done it time and time again; wrap up in your covers, drink your piping hot tea, and catch a couple hours of sleep before the cold sets in again and you start the whole process over. Rinse and repeat the whole night away, the week away, until the chill that has made a home in your bones eases its grip. For a time.

Lips parting on a shaky sigh, you fiddle with your sleeve, allowing your flannel pajamas' polka dot pattern to distract you from your joyless thoughts. Feeling the fuzzy interior around the inside of the cuff, you miss the meager vestiges of body heat that had long disappeared into the night. Small as they were, at least they had been something. Your head swivels to eye your stove, the little flame burning under your kettle, and hop up on the counter to sit. Not too close to the flame, but close enough to soak up some of the heat.

As the water bubbles in its confines, you quickly switch off the stove and pop the kettle up before it can start to whistle. Filling your classic mug of chamomile tea, your thoughts once again fall; this was much easier to handle when you had no guests, no one to pick up on your little problem. Of course that's not their fault, and you're certainly not blaming them, just appreciating a freedom that you were unaware of before. 

Smile pulling at your lips, you recall a couple days prior how you taunted the three before disappearing to your room before revenge could be had. Your familiarity with the men has certainly been making you bold. Honestly, you're kind of surprised no one has retaliated against you, but on the other hand, the suspense offers a sort of retribution all on its own. You doubt that'd be enough for them though.

This introspection has you distracted well and good, to the point that when the tallest brother leaves the guestroom and walks barefoot to your kitchen, you had yet to notice him until he was practically in front of you. Deja vu strikes; your grasp falters, hands fumbling with your drink with the familiar sudden appearance of a long john wearing man. Wide eyed, you blink up at Otto as he scans you head to toe, taking in your shivering layers and that you are once more preparing a drink late in the night.

He is direct, "You're awake, why?"

Judging by his determined tone, the man is on a hunt. You fidget, "Can't sleep sometimes."

He snorts, "Weeks of bad sleep? No."

He gestures to your kettle, "Drink, why?"

Your answer is technically honest, "...I get cold sometimes."

With narrow eyes, he crushes your wish that he would leave it at that, "Cold why?" 

Your gaze lowers to your steaming cup, pouting just a little, "I was kind of hoping you'd just assume it's because I'm smaller in stature." Otto waits patiently, folding his arms in victory.

Tapping a nervous rhythm on the sides of your mug, you give it a go, "Well, you all know about my regeneration? So...I suffered a serious injury to my diaphragm and my ribcage when I was young and my healing was in..early development. It did heal, but not...uh..the way it should have...it was..different? Wrong?" 

Your brow furrows with frustration, "I-I'm sorry, I know I'm not being very clear, but the only way I'd know for certain is with a doctor visit...which I can't do for...many reasons. Basically all I have is just...theory." 

You sip your drink, eyes drifting back up to Otto.

"I think when the injury healed, it healed incorrectly and permanently. Because of that, I have difficulty generating and sustaining my own body heat. It just slips away sometimes. It took a good while to get used to these...random cold spells. They don't hurt, not really, I just...lose out on more sleep than I'd like."

Although the colder seasons are...pretty rough. You can't lie to yourself about that.

Otto cocks his head, frowning. He takes a moment to find the words, which he speaks softly, "All your blankets..sweaters...ah..hot drinking?" 

You smile to confirm, patting the knit blanket on your shoulder as you hum, "Yup, all to help with my condition. Well...not exclusively. I do enjoy all those things quite a bit, so even if I didn't have this little problem, I don't know if my tastes would be much different. There's just something about knit-wear and hot cocoa that makes me happy." You grin, wiggling your feet in the heavy fuzzy socks that currently adorn them, displaying your enjoyment of their softness. You can get a bit silly when you're so tired.

The look he gives you is...focused. Judging by the tense set of his jaw and the soft popping of his knuckles as his hands curl into fists, it's almost like he's...

"Who hurt you?" 

Your thought process is abruptly cut off. You blink in mild surprise...he's not asking what, but who. Does he suspect it wasn't some sort of accident then? You do have a lack of pictures around your home, no friends or family from before you became affiliated with the Commission, so maybe he reasoned that your isolation had something to do with an aversion to people? And not just fear of your ability being discovered?...The man pays attention.

The smile on your face fades as you fall still, thinking carefully. Of course you were trying to figure out some sort of way to answer his question without diving into dangerous waters, but you find that his question is pulling from you some honest consideration; you weren't sure how you felt about the agents that brought you to that man, but in the end they were just doing their jobs...you don't even know if they had any idea what was actually going on. Regardless of intent, you have no warm thoughts or feelings to spare for them. But, there was only one person that made the feathers on the back of your neck stand on end with just a thought.

"It doesn't matter, they're long gone now. Good riddance." Your last sentence leaves your lips in a quiet hiss.

Ottos frown deepens into a furious scowl, "Where."

Your hands squeeze your mug, "Dead. I promise."

You're fairly certain you're the one that did it. You had gotten some flickers of memory quite a while back, one in particular had been of a man in...dire need of assistance as he flailed uselessly underneath long frantically swiping claws. He hadn't really been recognizable under all the mess and gore...but oh, there was this feeling.

The tension in the large man seems to ease, but Otto pauses with curiosity and surprise as he processes the pure vitriol in your voice, "You kill?"

You stumble over your words, "I...well, anyone can kill...if they're backed into a corner, right? If there's no other way out, and...and really.." 

Your voice trails off at about the same time as your mind does, beginning the descent into fuzzy memory.

You're not even sure why you're fighting the urge to panic; these men are assassins, killing is a part of their life. They understand ending a life to defend oneself... but that isn't the problem, is it. It's not that someone might think less of you, it's that...you don't remember. 

"I barely remember doing it. I don't remember what I was thinking or what I felt. I don't remember being shot at, but I do remember the pain. Bullets and blood spilling out. I don't remember if that man said anything before I started mauling him. I don't remember if when I had staggered up off the floor after a never-ending beating if..if I'd ran or tracked the man down first and...what sort of person has that maliciousness at 12 years old?"

Sighing, you scrub a hand tiredly over your face, the thick silence in the air bringing your gaze back up to Otto and...oh...you'd said everything out loud.

Color drains from your face as your eyes fall to the half full cradle of tea that is the inside of your mug. The exhaustion swallows any further panic as you mumble an apology, that you didn't intend to burden him.

Bare feet quietly pat against the kitchen floor as the man steps closer to you, burning fingertips gracing your cheek. Deep in the back of your mind you're reminded of Axel's touch, but it isn't quite the same because it's Otto's. The warmth has you leaning into his palm, seeking more instinctively to chase the chill away. It's not enough.

Otto is quiet for a moment, searching for the words before he describes their first kill, how the brothers had been young as well but older than you were. Young adults. They hadn't been employed by the Commission yet, but what you can gather from the little he gives of the situation is that they were protecting Oscar. It happened so quickly, didn't feel real. It weighed heavy on them, got easier with time. Still have rare moments where it's heavy again, old thoughts, memories. He rests his nose and lips at the top of your head, lightly in your hair. Like you. You are like them.

Perched up on the counter, your knees lightly brush his hips as he stands close, nearly between your legs as his hand cups the back of your neck. His palm rests oh so lightly atop your feathers, careful not to ruffle or stress, only offering a sheepish sort of comfort. His scent surrounds you, and it's fresh laundry and unexplainably his own and it's making you dizzy, everything is making you fuzzy and you're so drained and he's so so close...

Impulsivity, desperation, and prolonged sleeplessness has stolen away your common sense as you scoot closer to him. Your arms wrap tentatively over his shoulders in a loose hug, carefully leaning in as you tuck your face tiredly into his neck. Otto goes very still and quiet for a moment, before a quiet expletive in Swedish leaves his mouth. His palm remains on your nape, neither of you moving as you bask in his warmth.

Your lips are ticklish as they brush against his skin, murmuring a muffled bashful apology about clinginess and coldness and he can feel your hands slipping away from him. Impulsivity can be very contagious; before your touch has the chance to leave him completely, both of his big hands slip to your back and he's pulling you right back into him. Any response you have dies on your tongue, stunned and a bit timid as he pulls you forward off the counter, chest to chest. Otto has one of his arms curled under your rear, the other hand splayed at the middle of your back as he walks to the living room.

He insists, "You need to sleep."

Otto supposes he really should have just set you down after pulling you off the counter, but that doesn't necessarily mean he needs to detangle from you right now...just when he reaches your door. And when your legs aren't quite so snug around him. Of course.

Flustered, you pull back from his neck and remind him, "Sleep is easier said than done. Drinks and blankets help but it's only temporary, it comes back and I wake up."

He pauses before he can reach the hallway, scowling at your predicament. And then he wonders about you taking initiative to boldly press to him for what he had first considered to be emotional comfort...but now? You're not shivering as much so...

He offers curiously, "Body heat?"

Your mouth open, closes, then opens again, "I..um.."

Reflexive embarrassment fades as you take a moment to really think about it; you had had short professional relationships in your life, tentative friendships when you were younger that you had abandoned in the end, holding everyone at arm's length...when was the last time you had indulged in a simple hug? When you were a child?

You answer quietly, "I don't know."

Otto redirects his path and walks to the sofa instead, listening, "It's possible? I never really had the chance to find out, never mind finding the trust for it. It just didn't seem like a good idea to get that close to someone, anyone. It was too much of a risk, all things considered."

The large man understands, in a way. He knows his brothers would understand this kind of hesitation as well; caution had to be taken in many aspects of their lives working for the Commission as assassins, they still remember the early paranoia itching at the back of their minds when they first started. Luckily they had each other to rely on in their lives, not to mention the later experience to read intent and confidently indulge in a good fuck every now and then to chase away the touch deprivation.

But you...you had adopted solitude from a much earlier age, had molded your life around isolation. Sure, it wasn't exactly the same, but the similarities were there.

As he unwinds your legs from him so he can sit comfortably with you on his lap, his mind slips unbidden to other thoughts. Your earlier mention of a lack of social interaction and now admitting to a lack of touch confirmed that there were certain...activities...you had never experienced. Oscar had a point when he teased eating you out; the thought of your spread thighs shaking in his hands at the unfamiliar feeling of his wet mouth on you is intoxicating, but it may also be a necessary extra preparation before he fucks y-

Otto rips his mind from lurid thoughts, reminding himself to concentrate on his original effort to help you. Hopefully that would prevent his cock from rising to attention under your soft rear. You peer at the large man; he had gone quiet for a moment, drifting away...maybe he was processing or finding the words he wanted to say? 

You eye the flush on his face, concerned for a moment that your actions had finally made him uncomfortable before he flicks his hair out of his face and asks with a mild strain, "Curious so..find out? Answer?"

You consider putting an end to your invasion of his space, time, and sleep, feeling you had imposed enough. Strangely though, you don't quite seem to have the will to pull away from Otto. You find yourself relenting and accepting. It was too tempting, the thought of finally having relief from this stubborn cold spell. You'd brush aside your shyness and impropriety, especially if it meant you could finally sleep through the night undisturbed.

With your consent, Otto pulls you down to the couch on your sides with you still tucked in to him. Reaching for the quilt on the back of the sofa, he tugs it down and gives a couple of good single-handed shakes to unfold it before tossing it messily over the two of you with a grunt. His ears burn when he hears the muffled giggle at his minor predicament reverberate against his chest, responding to you with a huff, "Sleep."

And you do. You sleep for hours right through the night and well into morning as your body insists on you taking the opportunity.

Otto wakes to the sound of his younger brother wandering out of their guest room, but his eyes remain closed, more interested in focusing on the feel of your soft weight on his chest. Oscar wanders in to the living room to offer Butternut and Pumpkin a morning scratch, but notices the quilt missing from the back of the sofa. Figuring the cats might have messed with it, he wanders over to the aforementioned piece of furniture and nearly doesn't believe his eyes when he sees who are resting on the cushions. Is this an emergency? It has to be. He has to show Axel, it is an emergency.

Otto's ears perk as he listens to Oscar retreat to their room and return a moment later with an extra set of footsteps. Both feet stop at the back of the sofa, and the reclining man feels a pair of eyes looking intently down upon the two of you. Otto cracks open an eye, muttering that you most likely won't be up for a while longer. With a sigh, Axel trudges off to the kitchen to prepare food, insisting on a replay of last night's events when he's finished.

Earlier on, your habit of staying up late and waking in the night had made the eldest and his brothers a bit...antsy. As time went on their suspicions quickly died down, reasoning that your habits were simply a mild form of insomnia. They've all had their fair share of sleepless nights, yet over the course of a couple of weeks, you had steadily been staying up longer and longer and appearing more weary by the day. And as you fought to keep up, they could only watch with growing concern as you were slowly submerged. They had began to wonder if the culprit was something else.

As Axel prepares coffee and breakfast, Oscar heads off to check on the kittens and feed them while you are indisposed of. Otto waits patiently for his brothers to return and give him what he knows will be their undivided attention. He dips his chin down to watch you curiously; judging from your slow deep breathing, you are still very much dead to the world. Well, he supposes this means you both found the answer to the question of body heat to be a firm 'yes'. His brothers return shortly, leaning against the back of the sofa and eyeing you with not so subtle relief.

Otto begins his retelling by first asserting that it hadn't been insomnia like they thought, but an old injury made into a persistent condition by your ability. And just like he had found himself incensed as you accidentally revealed bits of your attack, so too did his brothers become possessive and protective; their lips twitching with the urge to bare teeth, postures tense and eyes blazing. Of course Oscar's rage was the most outwardly evident, but he knew how to read Axel. They were all mad dogs really, all of them.

The surprise on their faces when he revealed your kill was satisfying to say the least. Their expressions gradually changed to approval as they processed the information; it was hard to believe that you, tiny little sweetheart that you are, had actually killed someone. Of course anyone in a dire situation could be capable of things they hadn't thought possible, but you ripped a man to shreds. As a kid. Not to mention you did it with your bare hands? Well...maybe not bare per se.

Axel rests his elbows atop the sofa, hands clasped together as his attention returns once again to your ability. Oscar peers down at you in fascination and quiet disbelief. The eldest and youngest brothers' thoughts are eerily similar, the two men compare your unanticipated ferocity with the first time they saw your Phase; when Otto had caught you, the claws on your hands hadn't seemed all that significant...but then again they hadn't really asked all that much about the aspects of your ability, hadn't felt the need as they had taken your changes at face-value.

But what if there was more to it than general appearance? They weren't threatened, no, they were intrigued. After all, you had proven time and time again that you weren't interested in fighting or killing, even as they presented themselves as threats to you more than once...and not once did you attack them.

Needless to say, they have some more questions for you when you wake up. And perhaps a couple of changes as well.

[katfox]

Oh, Baby!

Glimpse: Jumin and his wife get to celebrate this sweet Valentines holiday with the person they love more than anything in the entire world. The end brings along a little surprise that will change their lives forever, in the best way possible.   

1400+ words

Valentine gift post for @juminsmysticmc c:

It started happening mid-January where you started feeling less energetic. This wasn't a huge cause for concern as you’d normally stay up late to help Jumin with work. He loved you for staying awake to calm him through the night, although he knew how stressful it was. This was a stressful time for anyone honestly, from people high up on the corporate ladder to those buying products in the shops. Valentines day is very touchy holiday that either left you feeling loved or feeling heartbroken. 

As the days and weeks fly by the fatigue passes by with extra sleep but you seem to start feeling under the weather, maybe the flu? What a bad time to be sick.. Once home and seeing your current condition Jumin offers to call a doctor for a night visit but you gently brush the idea. “Don't be silly darling a cold wont harm me.” For the sake of relaxing you he gives in and offers the idea that you go to the doctor if you're not feeling well after a few days, to which you agree willingly. 

He kisses your forehead before leaving the room to run you a warm bubble bath. Lucky for you he brought home a new luxury bath set that he was gifted from another company. He treated you like the queen you are, waiting on you hand and foot in hopes that he would make you feel better.

As the days progress you start to feel a bit better if it wasn't for the feeling of being nauseated. You felt love you couldn't eat because you weren't able to keep anything down. Although you couldn't help it you'd always apologize to the chefs, as it seemed kind of like a slap in the face to their cooking. This was the last straw. You needed to go see what was wrong, there was no way that you'd pass on whatever sickness this was to your hardworking husband.

With one phone call, Jumin sends a car to take you to your doctor. He wishes to be there with you but had so many meetings scheduled. You appreciate the thought of him wanting to come but you assure him that you'll be fine to go alone, with the guards of course. The ride was quick but the nauseous feeling only grew with the motions. This was really getting under your skin, you've never felt this way before.

Getting to the doctor was nerve wracking, you didn't know whether you were just sick or dying. It was getting hard to tell. The doctor calls you in for a few questions; she does a physical exam to see if there's anything she can feel. She asks a few intimate questions to start narrowing down what your sickness could be. With the answers you gave, she's pretty confident she knows what's going on.

She requests a machine from one of her nurses that happily obliges to get it for her. She suggests that you expose your stomach for a clearer look into your abdomen. You do it with a bit of haste, just happy to know that this will tell you what's been ailing you. An ultrasound machine strolls through the doors making you feel a little nervous. She smiles and does the procedure with gentle hands, locating the issue at hand. 

You come home, you weren't expecting that to be the cause of all this. Thinking about everything that happened so far does start to connect the dots for you. What will you do though? You run your hand along your stomach, eyes closed picturing the future that you will share with the love of your life.

Jumin rushed home from work as early as he possibly could he wanted to make sure that you were okay. "What did they say, my love?" You hushed his worry by telling him it was just a simple sickness, you loved the way he cared about you. Sometimes he cared too much but you knew its because he loves you so much. He was happy to know that you were fine, although he'd pay anything to heal you if that weren't the case.

It's the day before the big day, the day you'd stop holding this big secret. You wanted to make it special for him. A few calls were made for supplies to aid you in your gift to the most amazing man. You'd hope he likes it as this gift wouldn't be refundable. "How could he not, it was with our love after all." You smile to yourself and shake off the nerves as you prep for the surprise.

Part of you felt like you should've known since Elizabeth was all over you during the past few weeks more than she ever had at one period. You thought it was just her being adorable and wanting to cuddle more. Either way you both appreciated the closeness. The click of the lock alerts you to the door, seeing Jumin step into the penthouse. His eyes search for you as he had great news. He was going to stay home for a couple days to treat you for the holiday.

Last night's dinner was amazing, you couldn't really keep all the food down but you were happy that Jumin was there. He kissed your head before heading out to get you a few gifts to show yo his love and appreciation. You woke up to the smell of roses, opening your sleepy eyes you catch a glimpse of a huge box of fresh roses. There had to be at least a thousand roses in this designer bouquet. He was so thoughtful, you never asked for a thing but he just spoils you anyway.

A card catches your attention and you fetch it, reading the sweet nothings he’s written for you. He's prepared a dinner out at the fanciest restaurant he could get at late notice. He bought you a new satin dress, it was beautiful and slightly hugged the contours of your body. You were in awe thinking that today was the day that you would change Jumin's life for the better.

You treated yourself with a warm bath and a massage to relax you as much as possible. Your nerves were testing you and you were determined to leave them behind. As the hours flew by you grow flushed, feeling flustered as the second biggest moment of your life was coming up. You slip on the dress, it was soft and fit you perfectly. How could you expect less from Jumin Han?

A kiss gets planted at the nape of your neck bringing you out of space. You look in the mirror seeing Jumin behind you, his smile is out of this world. You turn to face him as he leans down and presses a gentle kiss against your lips. Something in you just sparked and you couldn't contain yourself. He pulls away to grab your gifts and the words slips past your lips before you can stop them.

"I'm pregnant-" Jumin doesn't know if he heard correctly or if he just imagined it. You grab a small box and reach out handing it to him. Your nerves grow as he opens the box, what greets him is a test that read positive. His body seemed to move on it's own as he dropped the box onto the bed. He rushes to you picking you up in his arms swinging you around gently.

All he ever wanted was a family of his own, to raise a loving family like the one he never had. He was so overjoyed, letting a few happy tears slip as he held you close. You cried tears of happiness as you celebrated this huge milestone. He sets you down on your feet, kissing you deeply before caressing your stomach. He couldn't be happier that you're going to be the mother of his children.

You both spoke, simultaneously speaking the same words effortlessly. "I love you~" The overwhelming happiness was growing between the two of you, so much so that Jumin laughed so warmly. One that you haven't heard very often if at all, it was sweet and contagious. You both spent the rest of Valentine's day in blissful joy. The man of your dreams, and the baby you made with love.

The most amazing Valentine's day, neither of them will ever forget.

[lizhly-writes]

i do not have anything very new for you this week.  i do, however, have this revised version of the first chapter of the ‘villainess’ side of my heroine-villainess isekai bodyswap story, which is, essentially, a full rewrite.  i have made some changes that have brought our pov character a little more in line with my mental image of her.  to quote someone that i had look at this: ‘Before mina seemed more refined like she kills u by poisoning u thru ur tea and then "ohoho"ing as u slowly lose consciousness and die, and now mina seems like she kills u by straight up ripping ur spine out lol’

i always did wonder why i never saw the ‘original’ villainess in otome isekai stories do some major physical damage for funsies, y’know?

warning: this thing is 2k+ words long. 

Why’s it so fucking loud.  Who’s screaming bloody murder in here?  Shut up, I got the worst headache and whatever slick steaming pile of shit you think you are, you ain’t making it better.  If you won’t keep that hole in your face quiet, what if I just heal it closed?  You won’t get a choice then, how about that?

I’m laid out flat on the floor, too. It’s wet, there’s something soaking in my shirt and my hair.  It better not be vomit.  Three fucking faces of Knight, how much did I drink last night.

I crack an eye open. “Th’ fuck’s goin’ on.”

There are people with the dumbest fucking faces staring down at me.  “You’re awake!” one of them exclaims, like everyone else has useless holes for eyes.  Course I’m awake, that something you really feel you gotta tell the world?

“Shit, really?  Wow!  Never woulda guessed,” I say as I drag myself to my feet.  Urgh, feels like I drank my way through the entire bar.  Did I get run over by a carriage or something too?  I’m real fucked up — balance off, arms and legs ain’t landing right, everything aches, and I got clothes on that look like I stole them from a crackpot fashion student.  

Though, hey, looks like everyone here is dressed like that.  Maybe it’s the crackpot fashion student side of campus. I’m in some really shiny cafe, by the looks of it.  The aesthetic here is… really something.  Didn’t know we had this kind of place at the university.

Let’s put that aside for now.  I crack my neck and ignore everyone talking at me as I give the entire place a once-over.  No sign of Emily or Asher, which doesn’t sound right.  If I’m this messed up, normally Asher’d be right there with me.  Emily, at least, would’ve tracked me down and tried to kick me in the head or something.  Not that I’d need a kick in the head, it hurts bad enough as it is.  Maybe enough that I can say that I’ve knocked something loose.  Hearing’s definitely off, it’s doing funny things to my voice.  Not liking that very much at all.

“How much is a drink ‘round here?” I say, because while alcohol got me into this, I’ve heard great things on how alcohol can get me out of this.

“I don’t think you need a drink,” says an absolute fucking killjoy from somewhere behind me.

“‘Scuse me?” I say as I do an about-face.  The killjoy in question looks boring enough that I’d forget him instantly if it weren’t for the eyes.  Real pretty shade of blue, nice enough that probably some asshole’s tried yanking them from his skull.  It’s a wonder he still has them!  Maybe he’s a good enough fight that people don’t bother, huh?

He doesn’t react when I step in for a closer look — yeah, there we go, left eye, the scars are barely there, but it looks like someone’s been using their nails to make an attempt.  Honestly, you’d think he’d flinch a little with me getting that close to his face, it’s not like his glasses’ll be any good at protecting him.  But no, he just stands there and says, “I think you need first aid.  You might have a concussion.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re bleeding.  A lot.”

…Hmm.  

“Am I?” I say.  I reach for the bits of me that I’d hoped hadn’t been sitting in vomit and… yeah.  My fingers come away red.  

Trace a little further up to the back of my head, and there’s the head wound.  Not as deep as I’d think, but it’s there, along with a very long braid I don’t remember getting.

Maybe I am concussed.  Should’ve noticed both of those things a lot sooner.

“Yeahhhhh, okay,” I say.  “Lil later, then.”  After I fix myself up, maybe.

“I think you’re actually supposed to avoid drinking after a concussion altogether,” says Absolute Fucking Killjoy.

“Fuck you,” I say. Of all things, that’s what gets him to flinch.  Interesting priorities he’s got there.

About the drink, though.  He ain’t wrong.   I know how head wounds work.  But those rules on what to do with them?  That’s for other people.

“You need a doctor—”

Please.  Last time I needed a doctor was years ago.  

This kind of thing, it’s easy enough to take care of.  So easy that it should be already healed up, but whatever.  Just a little concentration, and —

And.

...What's this?  

“That’s new,” I say, squinting at the crackling light running over the palm of my hand.  Real fancy, real nice to look at.  Doesn’t feel like much, but I bet I could make something like this hurt if I wanted to.  Nice little add-on, this.  I like what I got — I’m the best with what I got — but power is power.  Nothing wrong with having a little extra in your punches.

Except this ain't anything I can do. This ain't anything I should be able to do.  That’s pretty fucking strange, isn’t it?

“What are you doing,” says Killjoy, voice sharp.  

The face he’s making is probably hilarious.  It’s less interesting than the way light curls over my fingers, trailing over my wrist as I twist my hand this way and that.  If I let it, maybe it’d spread further up my arm.  How much higher could it go, really?

I don’t get to find out, because Killjoy snatches my hand, snapping his own fingers over it until only light you can see has to fight its way out from where skin meets skin.  And then it’s not even that, dying away until it goes dark completely.

Oh this bitch.  

“Well, ain’t you forward, huh?” I say, baring my teeth.  “What d’you think you’re doin’?”

“You’ve got a concussion,” Killjoy reminds me, like he thinks I forgot.  I ain’t forgetting nothing, got it?  It’s easy to take care of — just a little thought, and maybe it’s taking a little more effort, but the skin knits up just fine.

I sweep a hand lightly over the back of my head, just to make sure everything’s in order.  The swelling’s gone down, the bruising’s gone, eyesight seems pretty clear.  Headache and bodyache’s still there, which is annoying.  There’s been some improvement, but that’s not what I’m looking for.  It should be gone.  Is it not physical damage, then?  What, is it psychosomatic or something?  That’s a shit explanation.

It’s only after my self-checkup that I realize that Killjoy is still talking.  “— can take you to the clinic,” he’s saying, sounding very earnest.  He’s still holding my hand.

I shake him off impatiently.  “That’s unnecessary,” I say, and push open the shiny glass doors so I can find Asher or Emily or someone and go on with my life.

I don’t get more than a few steps outside before I realize I’m running headfirst into a problem. Namely, that the outside that greets me is not the university.   Not even close.  Not unless the mayor sent the entire city crashing down and decided to rebuild from the ground up.  Not unless everyone collectively decided to take overly-caffeinated fashion students’ advice when it came to everyday wear.  Not unless somebody made far too many innovations in automobile development and decided to implement them on every vehicle I can see here.  Not unless all of that happened while I was passed out.

No.  I should have noticed that before, too.  I don’t pass out.  Alcohol fucks me up, sure.  But I’ve never drunk so much that I got knocked unconscious.  I’ve never been able to drink enough to knock me unconscious.

…I remember now.  I didn’t go out drinking last night.  No, what happened was that some asshole attacked me— or, you know, tried to attack me for maybe a solid minute before I started beating the shit out of him for daring to ambush me.  I was doing quite a good job, if I do say so myself. I know I broke some bones, broke his face, had my hands around his neck, and it would have only taken me a second or so more -- just one good squeeze! -- to pulp his windpipe, and he would be dead. 

But I didn’t get to that part.  The last thing I remember was putting just enough pressure on his throat to make him choke, and then… nothing.  That’s it. That’s all I have before I woke up in the cafe.

I’m missing something.  I know I am.   It’s pissing me off.   

That fuckwad.  What did he do?  Clearly I made a mistake letting him breathe for more than a minute or so, I should’ve just killed him on sight.  If I find him again — no, when I find him again — I’m going to squeeze the answers out of him and grind his skull into paste, I’m gonna make him wish he was never born, I’m gonna make sure he’s in so many fucking pieces no one can tell his —

“Hey,” says Killjoy, because I suppose he followed me out or something. “We really need to get you to a doctor.  I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but even if it’s not a concussion, it’s safer to get it looked at, you know?  You said you were on university insurance, right? So it’s not like it’s even going to cost —”

And then he shuts up, because I have him by the collar of his shirt and he’s suddenly bent over enough that he’s barely an inch away from my face.

“Please.  Would you kindly keep your mouth closed,” I say.  “If not, I’m afraid I’ll have to make you choke on your own teeth.  Do I make myself clear.”

Killjoy doesn’t close his mouth.  It’s hanging open gently, his pretty blue eyes wide and shocked.  But I suppose he understands the spirit of what I’m asking for, because he doesn’t say anything, even when I let him go and kindly push him back upright.

Well, no, actually, there is one thing.  There’s a name he whispers: Allison.  But it’s so quiet that I can generously pretend I can’t hear it and let him keep his mouth in one piece.  I leave him standing there, and set off.

Where?  It doesn’t matter.  I walk through black-paved streets and stone-slab sidewalks, speed past too-tall buildings and too-bright colors and hoping for — I don’t know. One familiar building.  Something, anything, that I can recognize.

But… nothing. It’s like I’m an entirely different country.  An entirely different world.

How long was I out?  Am I missing memories?  What did that sad excuse for an ambusher do?

As if this day couldn’t get any better, Killjoy finds me at the entrance of a tiny, cramped alleyway, shadowed by buildings rising tall around.

“You just never fuckin’ give up, do you?” I say, sharp smile sliding easily across my face. I don’t know where I am, but I know I’m a fair distance away from where I started.  He can’t have just coincidentally run into me.  He had to have either followed me or known where I’d end up.  It doesn’t matter which.  Either option means that he’s still thinking of me.

He starts when I turn around and face him — he probably didn’t expect me to figure out he was there that quickly, huh? Well, I have to give him credit, he really is quiet.  And he stays quiet, too, even as he scrambles backwards when I start stalking towards him.

“You gonna tell me I need a doctor again, huh?”

Go on.  Say it.  I gave you a warning, I told you what I’d do to you, it’s not my fault you can’t listen.  I’m looking forward to it, actually!  Thank you for showing up just when I needed stress relief!

“… not Allison,” Killjoy says, so softly I barely hear it.

“Pardon?”

“You’re not Allison,” he hisses, and oh, is that a sight — his eyes are aglow, the light behind them illuminating their blue so that it shines against the darkness.  How pretty.  How valuable.  Even more so than when I thought the only thing that stood out about them was the color.  Really, how good of a fight must he be that he still has them?

I’m gonna find out.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Dr. Strange’s Apprentice

Stephen Strange x apprentice!reader

warnings:

a/n: for some reason i never retain any information from dr. strange stuff? so if this sucks its because i cant process it. i dont like how this one turned out i literally have no ideas

prompt: anonymous: “Hcs for being Dr. Strange’s apprentice?”

you were led to become strange’s apprentice after a tragedy and a brush with death

you woke in the hospital with bad news, there were no other survivors in the accident you had just experienced

while you were recovering, a doctor came in to visit you

“hi, y/n. im doctor christine palmer, and im so sorry for your loss. but i think i know a guy that could help you through this”

she gave you an address that you sort of recognized

“177A bleecker street? isnt that the funky looking house in greenwich?”

“something like that, just trust me on this one”

“thank you, doctor”

at first, you were a bit skeptical, but you tried your odds and hobbled to the place on your crutches

when you knocked, a man in blue robes and a red cape answered

“can i help you, y/n?”

“oh, hi? sorry, a doctor at metro-general sent me here”

“doctor palmer, im aware”

“ah, she called ahead?”

“no. come in”

you were very weirded out

“so, what is this place? and who are you?”

“you ask too many questions”

“oh, okay”

from the moment this wizard met you, he saw himself in you

lost, hopeless, upset with the way the world had treated you

“to answer your earlier question, i am doctor strange, the sorcerer supreme”

“oh...i dont know what that means”

he found you somewhat funny

“in time, you will”

he looked back on the teachings of his former master to show you what it meant to start your training

you honestly didn’t know what to think of the kaleidoscope of the world projected in front of you

“are you ready to commit to your training?”

“sure...i mean, i dont have anything else to do”

a valid reason, truly

“your leg will heal naturally, your mind, on the other hand...”

“i know, i gotta do some spiritual shit to help myself”

“thats one what to put it”

it took some time for you to understand what it was that dr. strange was teaching

but once you grasped the puzzling concepts, you excelled

there was a fine contrast between you and your master

he was much more sophisticated than you, but he had a sense of humor

you were on the bubbly side, always goofing around with your magic

“y/n, how many times must i remind you that opening portals into the freezer for the ice cream is misuse of your magic”

“oh, come on! i just cant resist the hunka-hulka burnin’ fudge!”

“just...just walk to the kitche—did you seriously just grab it while i was telling you not to?”

*through a mouthful* “sohwry”

wong watches the two of your sorcerers converse often, it’s one of the only things that really makes him laugh

calling the cloak of levitation “cloakie”

it drives strange crazy dbshahhsh

but cloakie answers to it just fine

during battles, it sometimes flies away from your master to give you a quick assist

“thanks cloakie!”

being assigned “homework”

so much reading it could’ve driven you mad

strange explaining the eye of agamotto and the time stone to you

“now listen, this comes before everything else, you must learn to protect yourself because i’ll let you die before i lose this”

“what a comforting thought”

stephen was pretty up front with you

he didn’t like the way that the ancient one kept so many secrets, so he informed you and as much as you should know

“those yellow gloves look like you’re getting ready to wash the dishes” (no hate i actually liked them lmao)

meeting thor and loki!

“i think i’ll just send loki through the looping portal while i take care of business with his brother, would you mind keeping him some company?”

“i’d love to!”

and then you gracefully fell with him, he didn’t enjoy your presence very much

stephen would tell you about his life before he became a sorcerer

all was well for a while after that but then lmaooo a famous scientist just happened to crash through the roof

“woah, you’re bruce banner! love your ice cream”

“not now, y/n”

“my bad”

meeting tony stark and just kind of...not vibing with him

but something about him seemed familiar

“no shit, sherlock” (seriously im mad i this wasn’t in a3 or a4)

epic battle on the streets of new york that led to your master being captured by aliens

you and wong went back to protect the sanctum, but you pitched in to help fight the real battle

much to the dismay of wong

and then wong dusted, so you were left to protect the sanctum

you missed your master very much

in the next five years, you did all you could to learn about your magic

and your skills proved spectacular

you suspected that you might need to take dr. strange’s place for good

until wong reappeared right in front of you

“hello again, y/n. did you miss me?”

“miss you? wong, i’ve been dying over here!”

“that seems like an exaggeration”

helping to open portals around the world (and galaxy) to get everyone to the big battle

and finding your master, all had become right once again

“doctor strange!”

“y/n! i have to say, im impressed at how you handled yourself after thanos”

“you mean youre happy i didn’t destroy the sanctum or become interested in. the dark dimension?”

“more or less”

a teamup to remember between master and apprentice

returning to the sanctum with strange

“did you move the relics around??”

“...i wanted to remodel”

i cant think of anything else???? im sorry shhshshshsh

[crazyyanderefangirlfan]

Calypso voice lines

Normal voice lines

Hello - "Oh, hello. I'm Calypso Nikos, very nice to meet you. If you have any wounds that need to be treated, let me know."

Chat (Traveling) -"I travelled to many a places to learn all I can about healing and helping others too."

Chat (Healing) -"I'm always been gifted in healing, it makes me happy my abilities makes others happy."

Chat (Dancing) -"Dance is a wonderful form of expression and a thing of beauty. But use correctly, it can be a powerful weapon."

When It Rains: Excitement - *Gasp* It's raining! Perfect time to feel hydro in it's purest form."

After the Rain: Disappointment - "Aw, it stopped already? I didn't get a chance to dance."

After the Rain: Calm - "*Inhale* Mmmm I love the smell of rain, it's so soothing and everything so calm."

When It Snows - "Dancing under frozen rain is always interesting experience though I don't do it too often."

When the Sun Is Out -"Its so hot, let's find a body of water to cool off."

When the Wind Is Blowing: - "This breeze...It reminds me of home. "

Good Morning - "Good morning, did you take your breakfast? Oh your not hungry, well at least take a light snack, its bad for you to go with an empty stomach."

Good Afternoon - "Don't worry about lunch I'll take care it. My cousins always love my cooking, and learning new recipes is fun."

Good Evening - "Dancing under the starry sky is just as amazing as dancing under the rain, cause Celestia is your audience."

Good Night - "Ahh, it's getting late, let's head to bed. Staying up too late will damage your energy levels. Sorry for being fussy, night"

About Calypso: Nymphs - "Back where I live there are nymphs to hold rituals for our local god. They're known for their beauty and act as priestesses, but they are also ruthless, I can't how many times the screams I heard at night who dare to anger them."

About Calypso: Healing - "I studied to be a healer by my uncle, he was also a travelling doctor as well. He's my hero."

About Calypso: Family - "My uncle is a travelling doctor, he's been to many places and experience many things which he teaches to me. I also have two aunts who worked in Fontaine's police force and 12 cousins. Whenever the two oldest ones go out for commissions I look after the rest, which they listen to me more."

About Vision -"Some people often mistake a vision as a tool for more power, while it is true; the purpose of it is to protect the one closes to your heart, and I am thankful to my Archon I am gifted with one."

Something to Share: Windblume -"My uncle told all about the Windblume festival, its a day to improve all relationships people have with one another, not just romantic. Diluc took me to Mondstadt to experience it, he may look grumpy but he's sweet."

Interesting Things -"Recently, I've been experimenting. I came to an understanding that all life contains water, so I practiced my technique with some hilichurls. It took long and I hade some close calls, but I did it, I'm able to control them using blood. Don't make that face I'm only using this for medical purposes and as a last resort, so don't worry"

About Diluc - "Diluc, he's always a hard worker, running Dawn Winery, working in Angel's Share and his other secret job, that gus has no break. But, I admire his diligence and it's honestly it's attractive."

About Hydro Archon: “She’s uhhh.. a bit intense. She’s kinda a reason me and my family moved.”

Calypso's hobbies: Reading -"Reading has always been a favorite past time of mine ever since I could remember. I love to read all kinds of books from fictional to non-fiction. But recently I've been interested in more...Mature literature."

Calypso's troubles: Common sense -" Sometimes I just can't understand people. Like, person has a problem and ask for some advice; one gives good reasoning and backed up with logic while the other is just guessing and gives bad advice. It makes my blood boil to see the person agree with person with bad advice, I mean where is their common sense?"

Favorite food -"Have you tried Fontaine's special mixed berry cake? It's truly magical."

Least Favorite food -"Alcohol and me never mixed well together, and it gives bad memories."

Birthday -"Happy birthday! I made a dance specifically for you, I hope you like it."

Combat Voice lines

Elemental skill

"Like waves of the sea."

"Someone called a doctor?"

"Time for a pick me up."

Elemental Burst

"Drown!"

"Be one with the sea!"

"Let the sirens cast your judgement!"

[seattlesea]

Why Solangelo Isn’t A Good Ship (Sorry)

The amount of love I see for Solangelo is honestly kind of surprising???

1. It was only for publicity. The House of Hades- which is when Nico came out as gay- came out late 2013, and the spike for LGBTQ+ supporters and allies was mid-2013, and there was absolutely no foreshadowing or even hints to Nico being gay beforehand. Riordan only confirmed Nico gay to avoid backlash. And in The Blood of Olympus, Nico is openly gay to the readers, Reyna, and Jason, then comes out to Percy and Annabeth afterwards. Then he’s introduced to Will and- in the very next book they’re seen in- they’re in a loving relationship. It’s as if Riordan didn’t believe that having Nico come out as gay was good enough but had to give him a boyfriend to ‘validate’ or ‘confirm’ his sexuality like so many assholes ask LGBTQ+ people to do. 

2. It happened way too fast. Will and Nico meet for the very first time and start dating within only five months. What? Not only is that too fast for normal people to actually get into a legit, real relationship that isn’t something out of a cliche high school movie, but Nico came out as gay after being scared to for years, just started slipping out of his isolated and depressive state, literally had to learn how to socialize after being alone for 3+ years, just came out of a war and even Tartarus with truck loads of PTSD that would take years to fully recover from, and just started gaining a family and friends and had to learn how to accept help and comfort from others. Tell me- how many soldiers who just came back from war are concerned about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend/datefriend? Nico’s story in BoO should’ve been about his recovery, not getting a boyfriend. I mean, he met Will for the first time and immediately started liking him, and they didn’t have any meaningful conversations whatsoever. All they did was bicker. Even in The Tower of Nero, they didn’t show any actual mutual understanding of or true affection towards each other. They didn’t talk about anything deeper than the shallow end of a pool, about each other, or even how they got to be in a relationship. They were just kind of there, reminding the readers that ‘Hey, I’m Rick Riordan and I added a gay couple to the main cast! I’m great!’

3. It was too fast for the readers. People often forget that the speed of relationships in books aren’t only about canon, but what the readers see as well, cause what good is a relationship if the fans didn’t see any of it? That’s not going to help us like it, it’s just going to confuse and annoy us. We want to see how the relationship formed, grew, and developed from a platonic friendship, acquaintance, or ally into a mutual romantic liking. If we don’t see that, the relationship is just boring and dull. Seeing the development of the relationship is what helps the readers gain a true connection and emotional bond to it. If we don’t get that, the relationship is as good as a blank page. And it’s not only that, but it’s also flat-out bad and lazy writing. Will and Nico met for the first time in BoO, talked like twice and only bickered and argued (as if that’s the start of a super healthy relationship), then in The Hidden Oracle, they’re suddenly a loving couple? What?

4. The mental illness problem. I’m sure most of you know of the disgusting and ableist stereotype that the struggle and trauma of people with mental illnesses (especially depression, anxiety, and PTSD) magically wash away after they meet their romantic partner, right? Like the teenage girl who’s having a panic attack in school, gets noticed by her crush, and is all of a sudden fine cause he touches her hand and they make eye contact? Or the girl who’s super insecure about herself but gains confidence after her boyfriend compliments her? Or the person with depression magically gets happy again after getting a partner? The same thing happened with Solangelo. At the end of The Blood of Olympus, Nico isn’t yet fully happy, but has gained the things that can make him so- a family, friends, acceptance, support, love, etc. But, after talking to Will (who’s a doctor, may I add) for the first time, all of Nico’s negative thoughts, anxiety, sadness, depression, etc. vanished and all his thoughts were replaced with ‘Will this’ and ‘Will that’. And in ToA- only five months after the war with Gaea- Nico is perfectly fine? As if all that pain and trauma could wash away in only five months? And this isn’t the first time this has happened in HoO. The same thing happened with Leo- he struggled with anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. but after he met Calypso all those internal struggles magically washed away and he was happy only after getting a girlfriend, so it���s obvious Riordan isn’t exactly avoiding this hurtful stereotype. 

5. It ruined their characters. Before meeting Will, Nico had a lot going for his character, a development that didn’t need to be completed with a love interest. He was realistic, relatable, and overall one of the best written characters in HoO, and his trauma and struggles were actually really well-written. But, after he met Will, the entirety of his character was ‘Will Solace’s boyfriend’. That’s all Riordan wrote about after he and Will communicated for the first time. Nico didn’t even talk to Reyna, Hazel, Percy (besides telling him he had a crush on him, which- again- is just another part of his love life), etc., and the only time he did talk to someone else (Jason), all he thought about was Will and how he was ‘disappointed’ that it wasn’t him. All of Nico’s character arc, struggles, relatability, and everything else Riordan worked up to his character was destroyed to make room for his love life. As for Will, he was actually quite a cool character- driving around Manhattan on a motorcycle, fighting in the Battle of Manhattan, protecting Camp Half-Blood, sewing Paolo’s severed leg back together, healing Annabeth’s poison knife wound, etc., plus all the cool powers he must’ve had as a son of Apollo. Even his personality was interesting- extremely caring, too dedicated, intelligent, calm, patient, etc., and I was really hoping to see him at his full potential in HoO. But Riordan ditched all the potential Will had for ‘Nico di Angelo’s boyfriend’. Even their personalities were washed away for cute pet names and teasing.

6. The fandom ruined their characters. This was really annoying. At first I mildly disliked Solangelo, but after the fandom’s take on it, I couldn’t stand it. The fans completely destroyed Will and Nico. I mean- is there any post about Will that doesn’t involve Nico in it at one point or another? And there are barely any posts about Nico that doesn’t involve Will or some other male character like Jason or Percy or that doesn’t mention his sexuality. I get that they’re dating, but that doesn’t mean they’re completely dependent on each other now. Another problem is their personalities. The fandom portrays them extremely inaccurately. Will isn’t a super upbeat, cheerful, bright, outgoing, happy-go-lucky guy. He’s actually a serious and determined hard-worker who just cares a lot about people. Just because he’s the son of the sun god and has blond hair and blue eyes doesn’t mean he’s the definition of ‘happiness’. As for Nico, the fandom just gave him a whole new personality as well. I mean- Nico swooning or blushing cause Will called him ‘Sweetheart’ or some other cliche pet name? What? Since when? Solangelo was bad on its own, but the fandom just ruined it completely. 

7. Y’all only like it cause it’s gay. Sorry to be the one to say this, but if the majority of you hate Jiper after reading a whole series on them where they actually talked to each other besides about their physical health because it happened ‘too fast’ (which, I agree, it did) but love Solangelo after barely two paragraphs? Why aren’t any of you guys complaining that that went too fast? The reason is pretty obvious. This is a problem most fandoms have- they only like ships (especially canon ships) no matter how unrealistic, unhealthy, or toxic it is because it’s gay. If Nico was straight and Will was a girl but everything else went exactly the same, y’all would’ve hated on it in a heartbeat, but because it’s two guys... yay Solangelo???

I’m gonna get cancelled-