#and a whole lotta life left to live

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

also just gonna brag about myself for a hot second (because i missed the anniversary in the fall) and say that. it's been 4 1/2ish years since my last attempt and like. look at me go? still here, still fighting. and i very much WANT to be here. that's progress. might not seem like much but i'm proud to have made it to this point. i want to be alive and i've found friends who are glad i'm alive, and that's not nothing

that's not nothing 💖

[x0xomady]

whole lotta love

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summary: you go to the studio with harry and he needs to take out his pent up exhaustion on something.

(rockstar!harrystyles x fem!reader)

title is based on one of my fav led zeppelin songs - 🌟

warnings: this is straight up smut. 18+. degrading names, dumbification (kinda), lots n lots of sex. p in v, oral fem and male receiving

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sitting in the studio with harry is one of my favorite things. watching him move through the different recording booths, pick up different guitars, and sing was always entertaining.

harry was a living storm, a whirlwind of guitars, microphones, and infectious energy. he moved effortlessly from one booth to the next, each instrument under his fingers like an extension of himself. his voice reverberated through the studio, filling every corner with a soulful, raw power that left me breathless.

every time he took a new microphone in hand, his features took on a different air, a different persona. his eyes would light with life as he played with the various settings and effects, experimenting with his voice to produce sounds i’ve never heard before.

i’ve always loved harrys strong voice. however, nothing is better than watching him play guitar.

there was something mesmerizing about watching him play. his fingers moved like lightning across the strings, plucking out complex riffs and solos effortlessly. the way he gripped the guitar, his entire body moving in sync with the music, was like watching a piece of art come to life.

i couldn’t help the way my eyes wandered down to his tattoo and ring adorned hands.

as harry continued to play, his green eyes met mine, and i felt a jolt of electricity run through me. he gave me a small smile, and i felt my heart race in response. i couldn't take my eyes off him, the way he moved, the way he played, it was all so captivating.

harry puts down his guitar and walks out of the booth to the couch where i’m sitting. “hows it sounding, baby?"

he asks, his voice smooth and confident. i can't help but smile at his endearing nickname for me. "it sounds amazing. i liked that last guitar solo a lot," i reply, with a smile as i look up at him.

harry's smile widens, and he takes a seat next to me on the couch. "i'm glad you think so," he says, his green eyes sparkling with pride. we sit there, listening to the playback of his latest recording.

as harry settled in beside me, his thigh brushing against mine, i felt a flutter in my chest. he reached out to grab the remote control, his fingers grazing my knee, and i couldn't help but notice the way his eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. he talks to the other artists and producers in the studio as they edit and playback his recordings.

harry pulls out a cigarette and leans back against the couch, resting his hand on my thigh while talking to the producers. the smoke from his cigarette swirls around us, creating a hazy, intimate atmosphere. as we listen to the playback of his latest recording, i can't help but glance down at harry’s ring clad fingers. my stomach tightens slightly as i look down at his firm grip on my thigh.

being harry styles girlfriend is hard because theres never enough time. when harry isn’t on tour playing his music for his fans, he’s in the studio writing. that’s why i always go to the studio with him. we hold onto any time we have that we can spend together, even if that means sitting on the couch listening to him play for hours.

as harry's fingers drummed a gentle rhythm on my thigh, i felt his gaze shift from the producers to me, his eyes locking onto mine with an intensity that made my pulse quicken.

he took a slow drag on his cigarette, the smoke curling around us like a veil, and i could sense the weight of his exhaustion, the toll of constant creativity and performance. his hand on my thigh tightened, a subtle squeeze that told me ‘i need to fuck out my frustrations'

i smiled and rolled my eyes as harry teasingly dragged his palm across my inner thigh. his eyes never left mine, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he leaned in closer, his breath hot against my ear.

"you know you want to," he whispered, his voice low and husky. i couldn't help but smile and shake my head at his actions. harry was never shy with pda, even when his best friends and writing team were all sitting 6 feet away from us.

harry chuckled softly, his breath warm against my ear as he leaned in closer. "you know i can't resist you, love," he murmured, his hand sliding back onto my thigh, fingers tracing circles against the fabric of my jeans. i couldn't help but smile, my heart fluttering at his words.

"harry, there are four other people in here," i whispered, my voice barely audible over the music playing in the background. "hands to yourself." i playfully pushed his hand away, my fingers lingering on his for a moment before i pulled away. harry's eyes sparkled with mischief as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch, play playing on his lips.

as harry leaned back against the couch, his eyes never left mine. he took another slow drag on his cigarette, i could sense the tension in his body, the pent-up frustrations and overstimulation from the day waiting to be released.

"alright, i think that's enough for today," he says to the producers, his voice low and husky.

while the producers packed up their gear, harry's gaze remained fixed on me, giving me a look that made my stomach tighten. he waited quietly, nodding to the team as they left the room. until, everyone was gone, leaving us alone in the suddenly silent studio.

as soon as the door closed behind the last producer, harry was on me like a flash. his hands grabbed my face, pulling my lips against his in a passionate kiss. i could taste the smoke from his cigarette on his lips, the familiar scent of his cologne filling my senses.

his fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer as he deepened the kiss. i wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as i kissed him back, my heart pounding in my chest.

harry's hands moved down my body, tracing the curves of my hips as he pulled me closer.

as harry's hands continued to explore my body, i couldn't help but sigh, "fuck harry." our clothes quickly fell to a pile on the floor, and harry's lips found my neck, leaving a trail of sweet but rough kisses. his touch was urgent and passionate, a release of the pent-up energy that had been building up all day.

harry's lips trailed down my body, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. i could feel his breath against my skin, his fingers digging into my hips as he held me close. "gonna have a quick taste, baby," he mumbled against my skin, his voice low and husky.

his lips found my nipple, and he sucked it into his mouth, his tongue flicking against the sensitive bud. i gasped, my fingers tangling in his hair, pressing myself closer to him. harry's other hand moved down my body, his fingers slipping between my legs.

"already wet for me?" he asks, his voice low and husky. i can only nod, my breath coming out in short gasps as harry's fingers continue to trace along my center.

harry's lips find mine again, his tongue slipping into my mouth as he deepens the kiss. i can feel his erection pressing against my thigh, and i can't help but moan against his mouth. harry's fingers continue to move inside me, his thumb rubbing against my clit in slow, deliberate circles.

harry's grin widens as he pushes his middle finger past my tight entrance. "so fucking slutty for me, isn't that right baby?" he whispers, his voice husky with desire. i gasp as the cold rings sitting at his knuckles graze my entrance.

“i barely have to touch you and you’re a sopping wet mess.” harry’s thumb continues to rub against my clit in slow, deliberate circles, his fingers moving within me. i whimper as harry teases me, his fingers never stopping.

harry's eyes lock onto mine as he pulls away from me, his lips curving into a smirk. he slides down my body, his fingers trailing along my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. i can feel my heart pounding in my chest as he settles between my thighs, his breath hot against my skin.

he leans in, his lips brushing against my inner thigh, leaving a trail of soft kisses. i can feel his fingers digging into my hips, holding me in place as he presses a sweet kiss to my bundle of nerves.

"please harry-" i groan as harry sucks my clit into his mouth, his tongue flicking against it in rapid, gentle strokes. my hips buck up against his face, seeking more friction, as he hums a low, vibrating note that resonates against me. his fingers, still buried inside me, curl upward, stroking my spot while he looks up at me innocently.

as harry continues to nurse on my core, my hands tangle in his curls, pulling him closer. his tongue flicks against my clit in rapid, gentle strokes, causing my hips to buck up against his face. i can feel the tension building inside me, my breath coming out in short gasps. harry's fingers continue to move inside me, curling upward to stroke my spot.

his eyes lock onto mine, a wicked grin spreading across his face as he watches me unravel beneath him. i can feel my orgasm building, my body trembling with anticipation. harry's tongue continues to move against my button, while his fingers move faster inside me.

"come for me baby. then i'm gonna make you come again on my cock." he grins and kisses my clit, his lips brushing against my sensitive skin, sending shivers down my spine.

his thick fingers continue to move inside me, curling upward to stroke my spot, as his tongue flicks against my clit. i can feel my orgasm building, my body trembling with anticipation, and i know i'm on the edge, ready to fall apart beneath him.

as i teetered on the edge, harry's fingers curled upward, stroking my spot with precision, and his tongue danced against my clit. my stomach tightened, my hips bucking up against his face as i let out a soft, moan, and harry's eyes locked onto mine, his gaze burning with intensity as he watched me unravel beneath him.

with the combined sensations of his tongue and fingers against me, my orgasm crashing over me like a wave. a grin spread across his face as he lapped up my release. his tongue licking up the creamy mess that dripped from my entrance.

as harry's tongue lapped up the last drops of my release, he slowly kissed his way up my body, his lips leaving a trail of fire on my skin. he paused at my nipples, teasing them with gentle nips and licks, sending shivers down my spine.

his dark lust filled eyes met mine as he finally reached my lips, pushing his against mine in a sloppy kiss that left me breathless.

as harry's lips moved against mine, i could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. "please fuck me, harry," i whimpered, my voice breathless and desperate. despite being overstimulated and exhausted, i needed to feel him in me. harry's grin widened as he pulled away from me, his dark eyes filled with desire.

he positioned himself between my legs, his length pressing against my entrance, as he looked down at me with a wicked grin. "you sure you can handle it, baby?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

harry's lips curled into a smirk as he kissed across my collarbones, his fingers tracing the curves of my body. "i don't know if these sweet little cunt can handle it," he teased, his voice low and husky.

harrys fingers gripped my hips as he pressed the tip of his cock against my clit. i gasped, my hips bucking up against him as he continued to tease me, his dark eyes filled with desire.

"quit teasing," i whine, my voice laced with desperation, and push my hips up against his, seeking friction against his length.

harry's smirk widens as he holds his position, the tip dragging across my entrance. his fingers dig deeper into my hips, his grip tightening as he slowly begins to circle his cock around my entrance.

harry's eyes twinkled with mischief as he smirked down at me, his thick tip just past the tight entrance of my cunt. "yeah? is that what my girl wants? you want me to fuck you?" he teased, his voice low and husky. i nodded, my hips bucking up against him.

"you were such a good girl sitting in the studio all day patiently... guess i gotta give you what you want," he said. with a swift thrust, harry buried himself inside me, his cock filling me up completely.

as harry's cock filled me up completely, i felt my inner walls stretch to accommodate his thick length, and a low moan escaped my lips. his green eyes locked onto mine, burning with intensity as he paused for a moment, allowing me to adjust to his size. then, with a slow, careful movement, he began to withdraw, his cock dragging against my sensitive walls.

harry's cock dragged throughout my core, my muscles fluttering around him. he paused for a moment, his eyes locked onto mine, before slowly thrusting back in, his length filling me up completely once again. with each deliberate stroke, he built a rhythm that had my hips moving in sync with his.

“shit- i love you so much.” harry groans and pushes his forehead against my shoulder while he thrust into me.

my eyes squeeze shut as harry quickens his pace. his thick cock moved deeply, my tight walls squeezing him. i whimper when i feel the harsh ridges and veins of his length move within me.

“i love you too, h” my hands hold onto harry’s shoulders as he quickly thrusts into me.

harry moans against my neck and continues snapping his hips against mine. his hands grip my hips tightly before flipping me over so i’m laying on my stomach. i squeal in surprise when he does this, which makes him chuckle and kiss my cheek.

“so fucking gorgeous…” he mumbles against my skin while grabbing my hips. without warning harry thrusts back in, in one quick movement.

harry snakes a hand down my body to my core. his fingers quickly find my clit, as he begins rubbing tight circles over it. my stomach tightens and i press my hips back against him, fucking back to meet his thrusts.

“that’s it baby. fuck- i can’t even last around you.” he squeezes his eyes shut and picks up his pace.

harry's thrusts become more erratic as he continues to pump into me, his fingers still working my clit. i can feel my orgasm building, my muscles tensing as i move my hips back against him.

“harry, i'm gonna come," i gasp, my voice barely above a whisper. harry's thrusts become more urgent, his fingers pressing harder against my clit as he chases his own release.

“good girl. come one more time for me baby.” he bites my shoulder to muffle his moans.

as i tremble on the edge of release, harry's fingers dance across my clit with increased force, his cock pounding into me with reckless abandon. my body begins to shudder, my walls clamping down around him, a low, whine escapes my lips as my second orgasm crashes over me. harry's grip on my hips tightens, his own release mere seconds behind mine.

"god- you're milking me, love" he groans as his thrusts become sloppy, his cock still twitching inside me as he releases paints his seed across my walls. i feel his warm breath on the back of my neck, his chest heaving against my back as he tries to catch his breath.

after a few moments of catching his breath, harry gently pulls out of me, leaving me feeling empty. he sits on the couch next to where i’m laying, his chest still heaving as he tries to regain his breath. i turn over to face him, my eyes meeting his. he gives me a lazy smile, his eyes still filled with desire.

“i’m fucking crazy for you," he murmurs. he grins and rolls his eyes playfully. "i don't think i'll ever get enough of you."

he leans in, his lips finding mine in a passionate kiss. i can taste myself on his lips, the lingering sweetness of our shared pleasure.

as we kiss, i can feel harry's cock twitching against my thigh, already growing hard again. i smirk against his lips, my hand sliding down to wrap around his length. he groans into my mouth as i begin to stroke him, his hips bucking up to meet my touch.

"fuck, you're insatiable," he murmurs, his voice thick with desire.

i giggle and slide down to the floor of the studio, my knees hitting the ground as i sit in between harry's legs. i look up at him, my eyes filled with mischief as i take his cock in my hand, my fingers wrapping around his growing length.

harry groans, his head falling back against the couch as i begin to stroke him, my hand moving up and down his shaft with practiced ease. i can feel him growing harder in my hand, his cock twitching with each stroke.

i lean forward, my tongue darting out to lick the tip of his cock, tasting the salty sweetness of his precum.

harry's hips buck up as i take him fully into my mouth, my lips sliding down his length as i begin to suck. he groans, his hands tangling in my hair as i work my mouth up and down his cock, my tongue massaging his shaft. i can feel him growing harder in my mouth, his cock twitching as i continue to suck him off.

i moan around his length, my hand moving to cup his balls as i continue to work my mouth up and down his cock. harry's hips buck up, his cock hitting the back of my throat as he begins to thrust into my mouth.

harry's cock pulses in my mouth, his thrusts becoming more frantic as he chases his release. i can feel his balls tightening in my hand, his cock twitching as he gets closer to the edge. my tongue dances around his shaft, massaging him with every stroke, and his moans grow louder, more urgent, as he loses control.

"good girl-" he groans and tightens the grip in my hair making me whimper around his length. "just needed my cock in your mouth, isn't that right baby?" his words are laced with a mix of desire and possessiveness, as i continue to suck him off.

i moan in response, the vibrations from my mouth causing his cock to twitch even more, and he lets out a low, groan, his hips bucking up to meet my lips.

with a final, desperate thrust, harry's cock surges forward, releasing a hot, salty stream of cum that floods my mouth. i swallow greedily, my throat working to take in every last drop as harry's body shudders above me, his fingers still tangled in my hair.

“swallow all of it.” he looks down at me with a dark, but loving, gaze.

i grin and collect the cum that dripped out of my lips with my finger tips. my mouth wraps around my fingers as i clean them off, drinking in his salty release. “swallowed all of it.” i smile and look up at him.

harry's body relaxes, his grip on my hair loosening as he pulls me up to kiss him. our lips meet in a passionate, lingering kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth as he tastes himself on my lips. he pulls back, his eyes dark with desire as he looks down at me. "you're amazing," he murmurs, his voice thick.

i smile up at him, my heart swelling with love and desire. i whisper, my fingers tracing the lines of his jaw. "i love you, harry."

as we are whispering things to each other and sharing sweet kisses, a knock on the door interrupts us, the sound of mitch’s voice following.

“are you guys done fucking yet?” his bored voice coming from the other side of the door makes harry smirk and roll his eyes.

“yeah yeah give us a minute.” he grins and gives me a kiss before leaning in and whispering back to me. “i love you more.”

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wow that got wayyyy too horny at the end. if you read all that- i’m so sorry 😭

-xoxo

[strawberryvanillafrosting]

success life story ♡

heyy i'm here to share about my success story, the beginning is only before i started manifesting and about when i just started, all my success are on the very end of the blog, so feel free to skip directly at it if you're not interest by all the rambling !

have a good read ☆

michiko is so pretty, i've literally been told so many times i looked liker <3

the old story that i don’t live in anymore

okay so before i didn’t hate my life, at all, but i just found very dull and so poor of entertaining like it was just too fucking regular and repetitive.also a bit depressing. i thought of myself of such an unlucky girl before and i was like affirming all the fucking time that i was unlucky and guess what? everything really used to go the way i didn’t want it to go every single damn time and i’d be like i knew it im so unlucky boo-hoo.

same for the money i would just go every single fucking day rambling to my friends how poor i was and how i wanted money so bad and the same story every single fucking for days, weeks, months.

i really wanted a new appartement and my own room cause i used to share same room as my sister and it really was getting on my nerves, i had no privacy and place for myself. the apartment was small, my mum always kept complaining about it and then she would argue about my dad about it but the reason why we couldn’t move out despite trying for several months was cause my dad had whole lotta debts and my mom had a really low paying and hard job she was exhausted and, it was quiet hard to see them being this unhappy and they still tried their hardest to make us happy so i really wanted to get back at them.

about social life i had very few friends and barely went out, i'd say probably one time a month. and i really wanted to get that life of the party, and those big ass friends group and also i was crazy desperate about having black friends cause i am black and literally the only black out here without none of black friends and i felt pretty left out like wtf am i the only black girl with no black friends cause all of them (that's so dumb tho.. ) were friends and gets invited to the most fun hangouts and i was embarrassingly jealous of that and also complained a lot about it…and kept asking tf was wrong with me.

STRONGLY on this one : i wanted a relationship so bad and i kept hating and being sad to those couple on tiktok’s. one time i actually cried cuz i wanted a boys’s love so bad like i was craving it so bad. i was in such despair state before..cringy ahh ☠️

i used to be rlly insecure about my looks too even tho at some moments i felt more confident, i kept comparing myself and waisting dozens of minutes enumerating my "flaws ". i knew about manifestation but not really about law of assumption , for me manifesting was really all about listening to subliminals, method and scripting. we all once knew that phase yeah? i used to manifest from time to time but then would just give up again,since i was not seeing results and so on. so useful wow.and then there’s the others things like mediocre grades, poor family health, just constant tiredness and fatigue feeling,

tw : mention of being depressed,sh,ed, : felt empty like life had absolutely no meaning, suicidal thoughts, tried to end by over-consumption of medication, self-harm and bulimia, constant complaining and NEGATIVE ONLY mindset.

but now, NOW i tell you ever single thing i’ve just listed changed completely like every single damn thing i’ve just listed is no more, it’s out of the date, dead, buried and no longer existing !

it clicked

then at some point at my life i was just like. yk what? fuck i just wanna change it all. then i really like really  got into it all over again and for good. no more 1 week i try then giving up cause i ain’t seeing no « results ».

i watched hours and hours of ppl talking about loa (i’m not saying you should do this at all it’s just that i was very under-informed and wanted to know everything about loa)on youtube, shoutout to rita kaminski and hyler who really put me into it and informed me. then i started reading neville’s pdf books, and tumblr blogs, kinda overconsuming but i liked getting myself informed.

and then that’s where everything started and that i got aware of all the power i actually hold. all the things i actually can do just cause of my mind. i wrote down all my wishes in present tense ,like every single aspect i wanted to change/have in my life. and i started fully living in the end like really got myself into and at first of course, wavering from time to time in the beginning. it was pretty easy for me since i was used to manifestation.but what i didn’t do before is persist no matter what and that’s what was really tricky for me in the beginning to persist no matter what and not just give up to bullshit 3D. but when i kept moving forward no matter the 3D and made it facts the only my 4D matters and everything has already happened, ALL and every single wish down to the last one flowed into my life. ONE by ONE every single hour of the day i would get my manifestations down to the last letter i wrote in my notes.every single thing

success storyy

in a matter of few weeks like really 3 week-ish like- 1 month max.

starting off LUCK i’m extremely lucky now every single time i play gambling activities i win. i’ve won insane amounts at scratch cards i think i’ve won in total more than 5’000$. JUST FROM SCRATCH CARDS.and before i started i NEVER EVER WON. now whenever i play there’s not one time that i’ll win absolutely nothing even just a small prize

won huge lottery prize (from 200 to 12k the biggest i’ve won yet)

winning a gambling games, either online or dice rolling luck,bets, bingos etc.. its literally insane every one keep telling that i literally has got god’s blessing (i’m the god guys🥰)

financially freedom, my parents upgraded jobs and i’ve got lots of incomes + the money my parents give me 

all the debts my dad had, he got rid of ALL of them and when i tell you mf had a lot of em☠️

move out in a new huge ass condo which is a duplex (like really like i wrote it it’s actually scary how powerful we are..) I’VE FINALLY GOT MY OWN ROOM and we’re getting my desired furnitures and decorating the house i’m so grateful

friends and popularity i think biggest shock for me is really this. like my social life has gone from very paisible to completely fully booked and passioning life. like seriously i’ve been to more parties, concerts, birthdays, and hangouts during the last 2 weeks holidays than in my entire life

got lot of new friends, healthy relationships and quality time passed on lots of fun activities and sm memories

black groups friend. WITH AN S.so thankful to myself to be this good a manifestation i litteraly got into a black friend group of girls and i’ve never felt more at my place and understood this much. and these girls know the black group boys (when i tell you that 2y ago they were the person that i wanted to be close with so bad..also they’re really hot and funny lol)so we hung out with them and i was literally so highlighted and became pretty much friends with all of them !! 

my man. HELLO I LITERALLY MANIFESTED MY DREAM RELATIONSHIP? when i met him i didn’t actually realize right on the spot that he was exactly how i wanted him to be and reading back to when i scripted out all the things i wanted at the beginning, everything matched. he’s literally physically and mentally the man of my dream LIKE REALLY. we’re no bf and gf YET cause it’s just a little soon but we see each others super often and we have the best relationship ever i swear it’s giving wattpad. the flirting is crazyyy.

dream bod.from head to toe my desired body. heavy on the lower body all for that azz and wide hips.ive got smooth and clear skin and smell good all the time!! litteraly flawless face + got my braces which suits so much and dimples

plenty of vacations (went to ibiza, usa and dubai )

lenient parents they use to be so strict before i swear its crazy they let me go so easily now, i can hangout without asking 3 days ,like they accept even if i've gotta go in the next hour or if wanna go on trip that's in another country. i can come back home so much later too

attractive & magnetic aura + being really charismatic (everyone i met keep telling me i’ve got this thing that really makes them want me, get closer to me)

good grades without doing much

perfect self-concept - as i kept living 24/7 in the state of wish fulfilled, my self concept only got better making me really know what i’m worth and never wavering/ going back to the old story

whole ass pc set up

all of my desired skincare/makeups/shoes/clothes

and so much more...

outro

i hope y'all liked my blog and that it motivated some of you to NEVER GIVE UP cause y'all are reallyy some powerful mfs and y'all already got all of yours desires !!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ honey kisses, shayama

[kiddiesmores]

“𝟖𝟔 𝐌𝐚𝐡𝐢-𝐌𝐚𝐡𝐢!”

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: It’s your first day on the job out of training, you’ve never been so nervous in your life! You finally met the big boss that everyone is saying the be weary of but he doesn’t seem to be as scary as everyone says he is…

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Harmless flirting, Whole lotta swearing, Yelling customers.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.8k

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐞: SHES HEEERREEEE!! Pls enjoy as I try and bring my vision to life! Feedback is welcome but don’t be rude, I argue back. Enjoy!

“Psst…psst…YN!”

You shoot up, looking around in a hurry for a sign of danger. “What! What- Huh? Brooke? What is it? Is something on fire? IS THE DOG OKAY?” You question, grabbing your roommate's arm in fear. She laughs at you, shaking her head as she points to your phone, “Your alarm has been going on for 5 minutes, don’t you start your new job today?”

Your eyes widen, grabbing your phone and staring at the time. ‘9:30am’ it reads, making you gasp and jump out of bed. “SHIT SHIT SHIT, I'M GONNA BE LATE! '' you shout as you rush to the bathroom, your uniform neatly folded on the counter as if you’re going to your first day of school. Brooke follows you into the bathroom, watching you as you quickly brush your teeth.

“Did you still need me to drive you?” She asks, fixing her hair in the mirror. You nod quickly as you scrape your tongue, spitting out the gunk and shoving her out so you can change.

You make sure your hair is neat and tidy, fiddling with the shorts and collard black shirt that hosts the “CHOPS BAR N GRILL” name and logo in the right corner, your name tag taking its place on the left.

You let out a sigh, the nerves of starting a new job sending tingles across your body. “I’m cool, I’m cool! Everything’s gonna be fine- and i’m gonna make so much money-“

“9:45 AND WE LIVE 10 MINUTES AWAY LETS GOOOO” Your roommate calls out. You quickly shut off your lights, sprinting around the room looking for your bag.

“BROOKE MY BAG”

“I GRABBED IT ALREADY”

“AND MY PHONE?”

“IN MY HAND”

You speed walk to the living room, slipping on your work shoes and kissing your roommate on the cheek, “I love you.” She waves you off, “I know.”

The ride there was smooth, Brooke playing old 2000s songs so you can jam out and not think about how nervous you were about your first day. She was the reason you secured this new job, her boyfriend being one of the line cooks and all. He put in a good word for you with the owner as they’re extremely close, making your interview process very simple. You have to tell her to kiss Charlie on the lip real good for you for this one.

As you pull into the parking lot, a wave of anxiety rushes over you, but she’s a step ahead of you.

Hands on your shoulders you stare at your bestfriend/roommate. “Repeat after me, and close your eyes.” She states and you listen.

“You’re gonna make a lot of money.”

“I’m gonna make a lot of money.”

“You’re hot and sexy”

You laugh a bit, “I’m hot and sexy”

Her thumbs stroke your shoulders comfortingly, “You’re gonna have the best day. You made it through the training week just fine, it’s just time for the real thing! Plus, Charlie is there so you’ll have him there for help. I will literally pull right back the fuck up if anything happens.”

You nod, putting a hand over hers as you let out another sigh. You force your knee to stop bouncing, nodding affirmatively and letting out a “Thank you” before grabbing your bag and hopping out the car. You walk with purpose to the front doors, opening it and saying a hello to the hosts who greet you with big smiles. They wish you good luck as you make your way to the kitchen which you reciprocate with a thank you and a smile.

You set your bag down in its designated spot, fixing your face in the mirror and putting aquaphor on your lips. A hand clasps your shoulder making you jump, “Who’s ready for their first day on the floor!” you hear. It’s one of your managers, Rosemary. She’s a really sweet lady, yall are close in age so it’s very easy to talk to her. You put a hand on your heart, “Damn it Rosie, you scared me..” you respond turning to her.

She laughs, “I know you’re nervous, but trust you’re gonna do great. You were amazing in training, and there will always be people to help you. Just ask okay?”

You nod again and she claps her hands together. “Perfect, let’s get you clocked in- good job getting here on time by the way! And there’s someone you need to meet before you start!”

Rosemary guides you to the office where you’re met with a man dressed in a black chef button up with the facial hair you can swear you’ve seen on the logo. His expression is hard to read. It’s grouchy- yet bored- but not angry? He’s sitting in the chair and looking at the computer, an excel spreadsheet on display, checking the inventory from the night before.

Rosemary knocks twice to get his attention and he mutters “What is it?” She smiles, “This is our new hire, Y/N. You didn’t get to meet her during interviews and training but I wanted to make sure you knew who they were before you bitch about seeing someone you don’t know on your line” She jokes. His head turns, looking you right in the eyes, you have to force yourself not to flinch.

“Y/N this is Jay! The owner, manager, executive chef. He’s usually here on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sunday mornings. Saturday night occasionally, so you’ll be seeing a lot of him against your will…” Rosie teases. You let out a nervous laugh, “Nice to meet you sir..”

You reach out a hand for him to shake which he takes, “Welcome to the team, and don’t call me Jay, she only calls me that to piss me off. Call me Schlatt. Have you ever served before?”

You nod, “Yes sir, this will be my second serving job.” He hums, “Good, so we don’t have to teach you to hold a tray or anything.” He stands up with a grunt, and you take him in more. He’s fucking tall, and b i g. You both seem to realize he’s still holding onto your hand and you laugh a bit as he retracts.

“All the advice I can give you is don’t fuck up, but I don’t think i’ll have to worry about that with you. I’ve heard good things, now if you excuse me.”

He gives Rosie a push on the shoulder and makes his exit. She squeals a bit, shaking your shoulders, “That’s the sweetest i’ve ever seen him! You’re so in!!”

Your head tilts, confused, “What do you mean? He seems nice enough..?”

Rosie’s face drops, “Y/N. Schlatt is TERRIFYING. You’re lucky we caught him before we actually opened, he’s a beast when he’s in that kitchen. Just make sure to handle your business so he doesn’t have to leave that line.”

You nod quickly, your head feeling dizzy from the amount of times you’ve done it today. The phone rings and Rosie excuses herself to answer it, asking a coworker of yours to show you the section you’ll have for the morning.

All you could think about his ‘words of encouragement’ he offered, ‘Don’t fuck up’. You were determined not to disappoint him.

“Y/N! You just got sat!” The host comes back to tell you, and you smile at her sweetly.

“Thank you!”

You look in the mirror, forcing a smile on your face and rehearsing your script in your head before turning the corner with a shout, “Corner!”, and heading to your first table of the day.

The morning runs smoothly, you only need to ask for help twice. Once when a lady asked if you could just sell her raw chicken that she could take home for herself to cook and again when a guy tried to buy a case of beer off of you guys so he didn’t have to go to the store. Only later to find out that they were together but just came in at separate times…

Other than that everything was going good. But alas, all good things have to come to an end.

While it was slow you stood at the host stand, joking around with them as you waited for your next table, greeting everyone that came in. An old couple walks in, the man sporting a flannel and a trucker hat and the old lady in a blouse and pearl necklace.

The hosts greet them while you smile. The hosts lead them to your section and you follow behind them.

“Hello! I’m Y/N i’m going to be taking care of yall today-“

“Who are you? We ain’t ever seen you here before.” The man interrupts.

You freeze, regaining your train of thought after the question threw you off script. “Oh! Yes haha, I’m new here! Today is my first day on the floor!”

“Oh isn’t that cute! You’re so precious, are they treating you right?” The woman asks, making your heart warm. “Yes ma’am, they are. Can I get yall started with some drinks?”

As she’s about to answer, her husband cuts her off again, “I don’t know how I feel about some fresh face serving me. Where’s Jessie? Usually we get her on these mornings.”

You blink slowly, is this guy serious?

“Jessie isn’t here today, but I promise I will take care of yall well! This isn’t my first time servin!” You joke, his wife laughs again.

“Well I will take a nice cold sweet tea and he will have a Tall Bud Light, dressed. And we already know what we want to eat. We come in here often!”

Great.

“Of course, what can I get for y'all today?”

You learn their names are Tim and Pam, watching as other servers go up to your table while you’re away and conversing with them.

Pam orders the chicken breast with a side salad with ranch and mash potatoes, while Tim orders a 8oz filet, medium with a loaded baked potato and green beans.

You double- No. Triple check to make sure everything is right before sending the food through. Now all you had to do was wait as you got them and your other tables refills on drinks.

The expo slides your tray to you, muttering a “You're up.”

You carry the tray out to your table, passing it out swiftly before asking if everything is alright. They say everything looks fine but as you turn to leave you hear a yell. “GOD DAMN IT- SEE PAM! THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE NEW PEOPLE. MY STEAK AINT COOKED RIGHT.”

Your blood runs cold, you swore you sent it in right? It’s impossible. “I’m so sorry sir, I can send it back-“

“GET ME SCHLATT” He shouts, making you flinch. You nod, rushing to the kitchen, hands trembling. The kitchen is busy, plates are being shoved up on the counter constantly and you can hear Schlatt bitching before you even turn the corner.

You take in a deep breath before putting your face in the kitchen window, “Um…Schlatt? My 411 wants to talk to you-“

“I’m fuckin busy, what is it they want? And why me for fucks sake, where’s rosie? ROSIE” he shouts. You take a step back, finding your voice. “He asked for you specifically, Tim? I think his name was..”

Schlatt lets out a loud groan, slapping his towel over his shoulder before barging through the kitchen doors. “Fuckin Tim, follow me. I’m gonna show you how to handle his ass so you don’t have to bother me again.”

As yall approach the table, you hear Pam trying to calm Tim down.

“Finally! Just the man I wanted to see, your new waitress over here is already causin’ problems! I said I wanted my steak medium well, this shit is damn near raw!”

You look at Schlatt as he stares blankly at the man, his jaw clenched. You swore the man said medium, and even so the steak looked perfect to you so you had no clue what had made him so mad.

“Damn it, Tim! You do this shit every time man, at some point I’m gonna tell them to stop servin ya entirely!”

Schlatt rubs his temples as you stare at him as he lectures the table in front of you, apparently this isn’t his first time bitching at the guy, and evidently it won’t be the last.

“This steak is fucking perfect, just because you don’t like new people doesn’t mean you interrupt MY day. I’m getting sick of you messin with my servers. My day’s already shitty enough. I should fuckin known, you never order your steaks medium well in the first place!” He rants, throwing his hands up in frustration.

He lets out a sigh, “I’ll comp the meal today, but tip your fuckin waitress and get the hell out, I ain’t dealin with this today. .” Schlatt storms to the other side of the store, leaving you to smile awkwardly at your table as Tim grumbles and pulls out his wallet as his wife rubs his shoulder.

You make your way to the POS system to watch Schlatt comp the meal on the computer, mumbling about how he doesn’t have time to deal with bullshit or whatever.

“Thank you for…setting him straight for me, I didn’t know we could talk to people like that.” You joke as he hands you their new receipt. He looks at you, eyebrow raised, “When I told them to hire you I thought I told them to make sure they have a backbone. Don’t let anybody give you any shit, you’re too sweet n’ pretty to be talked to like that.”

You nod dumbly, watching him go back to the kitchen with the towel over his shoulder, hearing his voice boom as he yells at whatever poor cook for fucking up Tims filet. Your stomach is full of butterflies, “He thinks I'm sweet and pretty?”

The rush is FINALLY over and they cut you for the afternoon. You quickly popped in your earbuds as you roll silverware and conversate with your coworkers in passing. Once you rolled the silverware count and finished your side work, you decide to go out for a smoke break before going to sweep your section for the shift change.

You grab the cardboard and slide it between the door to make sure you aren’t locked out, stepping outside for fresh air.

There, you see Schlatt, cigarette in mouth as he scrolls on his phone while sitting on one of the empty barrels. The only other flat surface is the barrel in front of him, and god knows you needed to sit down after running back and forth all afternoon. You let out a sigh and walked up to it, “This seat taken?” you joke as you sit.

He looks up, shaking his head. “It’s all yours.” he grumbles. You nod, taking your vape out of your apron and hitting it. He looks at the device in your hand, “Didn’t know you were a…Watermelon Ice Geekbar kinda person”

You laugh out loud, “Yeahh, trying to ween off though..” you joke back. You offer it to him, “Wanna try it, tastes better than your cigarette” He scoffs, “Yeah and fucks you up worse than one too.”

You smile at his jab, shaking your head and hitting it again. Yall sit in a comfortable silence for a while, letting the sun hit your face as you try to decompress from your day.

“So, minus Tim being a dick how was your shift?” He asks, ripping you out of your dazed state.

“Oh um- great! It was great, the tables were nice for the most part besides a few weirdos. Everyone was really helpful…” you respond sheepishly, toying with the vape in hand. “Thanks again for your help..” you mutter.

He grunts, “Good to hear. It’s no problem really, but you really need to start talkin back. Not like me, you’re nicer than I am I assume, but don’t let anybody walk all over you like that.”

You watch him ash out the cigarette before standing up to go back inside, but your heart is racing. “Can I ask you something?” You call out to him before he goes inside.

He turns to you, waiting for your question, “Earlier, you said I was ‘sweet n pretty’? What did you exactly mean by that?”

He looks you up and down a small smirk on his face, “You been thinkin about that all day huh?”

Tingles rush across your skin, embarrassed as he clocked you. “No-no! Of course not! Forget it, sorry..”

He laughs, and you can’t help but stare at him, smiling shyly.

“Don’t think too hard about it sweetheart,” he starts, opening the door to go inside.

Once he’s halfway in, he peeks his head back out,

“But i’d be lyin if I said I don’t find you very nice to look at.”

And with that he’s gone. Your mouth is left open, trying to process off you heard him correctly. That was definitely him flirting with you right?

The after work debrief with Brooke is going to go INSANE.

//taglist @invadermeweatsshart @ohgodthebogisback

[pers1st]

people help the people

pairing: lucy bronze (platonic) x reader

notes: mentions of suicide, not really ahappy ending, whole lotta angst, don't read if you're not in a good place.

i lost my best friend to suicide about a year ago and it's genuinely been the hardest thing of my life to go through, and even though i feel incredibly selfish for comparing my pain to hers, i just hope that everyone who's in a bad place will feel better soon. your death will hurt people, even if you don't believe it. my messages are always open !!

“Heartbreaking news have hit the football community earlier this morning as Arsenal have confirmed the death of young defender, Y/N Y/L/N. The club has stated that Y/L/N, who also played for the Lionesses, was found dead in her apartment late last night. Her death has been ruled as suicide. Other than that, both the club and the FA have asked for privacy as they deal with this tragic loss. The matches of this week will take place as usual, though the teams have agreed collectively to wear black armbands, along with having a minute of silence ahead of the match’s begin.”

The internet was a cruel place, Lucy realized a week after your death. There were countless articles, invasive messages, offensive comments about how and why your presence had been tragically ripped away from this world. She didn’t understand - how could she? Lucy liked to believe that the two of you had a real bond, with you only being nineteen years old and looking up to Lucy as if she was a Goddess, following her every step, studying her every move, clinging onto her every word as if she spoke a prayer. The admiration wasn’t one-sided, either. Lucy looked up to you. How could she not? You were so young, and faced with so much adversity - the fact that you were as professional as you were at such a young age, you impressed Lucy. You had. Until Keira had filled her in on the news ahead of a training session at Barcelona, shattering Lucy’s heart in the process. You had reached out to Lucy a lot, but never about anything this serious. You had told Lucy a lot of things, but nothing grave enough a reason to take your own life. 

Admittedly, she knew the odd joke you had made - when you had slipped on the ball in front of the whole team, crashing down onto your stomach and banging your head enough to leave a glaringly obvious bump on your forehead, only to realize that the media staff had caught the moment and posted it to TikTok mere moments later. You had said, then, that you might as well have offed yourself. Lucy had laughed. Leah, who had been standing closeby, had laughed. You had laughed as you said it, but the words didn’t leave Lucy’s head anymore. You had said it. Right in front of her. How could she not have noticed?

It took minutes for Lucy’s face to be drenched in tears, hours until she would leave the medical room, which Keira had cleared and led her into, knowing very well that Lucy would not want anyone to see her raw emotions, days until Lucy returned to training, and months for anyone in the football community to address the situation. Mental health. Mental illness. Lights and shadows that came with being exposed to such brutal schedules, invasive comments, being shown off for everyone to see while no one ever required to know anything substantial. People wanted funny comments, smiles, laughter. No one ever cared about the weight dragging any players down, until it was too late - Lucy realized, as everyone and their mother seemed opposed to even speaking your name, only that energy into  searching, very openly, both in comment sections or live on broadcasted TV, for the reason you had left life behind. Lucy searched for it too, though more secludedly.

She re-read your messages for hours, in the little light the moon provided as it fell through the cracks of her bedroom window, deciphering each and every letter, pronouncing the words out loud in different tones, scrolling through your social media to search for any clue. You had had your fair share of problems- you had told Lucy about them. You hadn’t been a big fan of the fans seemingly taking property of you. You hadn’t been ready for the pressure that you would be put under after another one of your defenders was injured and you were re-called from your loan to step into the position immediately. You hadn’t dealt well with the lack of your parents’ presence. Though you had still lived with them, they had rarely attended your matches, always able to come up with an excuse, one that you believed. You had defended them, shielding your family from Lucy's criticism when you had let her know, in another disappointed text message, that they hadn’t been able to make it. You hadn’t wanted to accept the fact that they simply weren’t interested in your career, and Lucy had accepted that. 

Now, though, she wondered whether you had silently accepted it, and been too ashamed to admit it. Lucy knew that it wasn’t your fault - you had been the biggest ray of sunshine, even through your difficulties. You had managed to put a smile on everyone’s face, even though you had always been a little shy. You had been sweet, and kind, and gentle. Had Lucy been your parent- she would’ve let everyone know, would’ve shown you off to the world with pride, would’ve been there for everyone of your big moments. She had managed to fly out for the Conti Cup final, together with Keira, to watch you win the second domestic trophy in your senior career, only this time it was as a key-player rather than a super-sub. 

Lucy was never really able to figure out your exact reasoning - perhaps that was the deal with mental illness. It was an illness. Perhaps there was no reasoning, perhaps the whole point of being ill was the fact that a healthy person would never be able to grasp the darkness that clenched your soul and inevitably drove you to death. If Lucy had learned one thing, though, it was the fact that she was never going to let anyone feel like you must’ve, ever again.

She had seen your parents during the funeral, had witnessed what your death had done to the people, who, though she never really liked them, had raised an absolutely incredible girl. She had seen your room, per her parents request, had seen the blood stained tiles on your bathroom floor, had heard your mother’s mumbled apology for not being able to clean it all. She had seen where you had spent your very last minutes, and she had thought about what must’ve been going on through your head, and it had almost suffocated her. And that was how she found herself here - in a studio in London on her rare off day, with Sky Sports, in an interview room that felt uncomfortable, a seat that pressed into her back, and a microphone in her sweaty hands. 

“I just think that mental health is so, so important. I don’t know what it’s like to feel like… to feel like there’s no way out anymore, but I do know what it feels like to lose a person to their illness. It’s brutal. It makes you think you’ve failed them, and it makes you want to wish you had done more. I don’t want anyone to experience that.”

Lucy swallowed thickly, glancing at the reporter next to her. The man was kind, he handled the interview with delicacy. Your death had shocked the world, and by now, people knew to be respectful. Enough time had passed. Everyone had gotten over the initial shock. Everyone was left behind with that same distaste in their mouth and a hole in their stomach. People were delicate, when they mentioned you. They were still wearing black armbands in the WSL, and Lucy still wore the bracelet she had been given by your parents, taping it up for every match, letting any of her lioness teammates kiss her wrist whenever they scored. 

“Is that why it’s so important to talk about this, to you?”

“Yeah, it’s definitely part of it. But I think most of all, I think we need to speak about it for Y/N. I think if we’d had this kind of open conversation a few months ago, she would’ve maybe reached out, you know. If I had educated myself on the topic better, maybe I could’ve seen the signs. I think it’s more for the people who feel the way she felt. If we can make even a single person reach out for help when they initially wouldn’t, I think it’s paid off.”

The man nodded. 

“It’s just… you know. There’s always another way. Even when you don’t feel like it. I don’t know what it’s like to go through suicidal tendencies, but I do know what it’s like to feel sort of, hopeless. And I know that whatever happens, the world is a better place with you in it. Suicide is such a cruel way to go. I’ve wondered a lot, you know, whether she’s happier now, but I don’t think she is. Y/N had so many ambitions, so many dreams. She had such a bright future and yeah, for a mental illness to rip that away from her, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with that.”

Lucy sniffed, the tears dwelling in her eyes by now. She had never spoken about your death publically. No one had, not exactly. Sure, there had been underlying comments, minutes of silence and the odd mention of your name, but people had been cautious to actually speak about the situation. She couldn’t blame them, because fuck- this hurt. She saw your face whenever she closed her eyes. She heard your voice whenever she couldn’t sleep, your laughter was engraved into her brain. There would not be a day in her life that she didn’t miss you. It hurt. A lot. The realization that you weren’t just a few countries away, that you wouldn’t call her back later, that you wouldn’t call her after an important match or visit her in Barcelona like you had said you would.

“You’ve been kind of hesitant to agree to this interview. Why do you think that is? I mean, no one has really spoken about Y/N’s death as openly as you have.”

“Yeah, I think it’s difficult. To admit this kind of pain. I mean- it shouldn’t be, you know? I think it’s important to speak about this kind of loss and all the hurt that comes with it. Not out of a place to put blame, I’d never blame her. But just to, yeah, make people realize how bad this kind of loss hurts. How much people miss her, because we all miss her, even though some people are hesitant to say it out loud.”

“How do you feel about people being so hesitant?”

“I don’t think you can blame them, you know. Grief looks different for anyone. And I guess I’m a fixer kind of person. I want to fix things, and even though I’ll never be able to, you know, fix this, I do hope that by speaking up about this, I can potentially save someone from doing the same thing. Let people know that mental health should never be a taboo, encourage people to speak up before it’s too late. Because the world will miss you, even if you don’t think it will. The world is a different place without you in it”, she concluded, though she was mostly speaking to you.

It was true. The world was different, now that you were gone. Your friends- mostly the younger girls in the Arsenal squad, seemed to be less talkative. Arsenal was a different place- Leah had told Lucy during your funeral. Everyone was a little less talkative, the loss hanging heavy over the team. Kim worried a lot, about the younger ones, whereas the older, more experienced players, dealt with the same kind of guilt Lucy felt. 

Barcelona was different too, though you had never played there. Alexia and Patri seemed to be checking on everyone a little more frequently, holding the team together, making sure everyone was okay. Lucy wasn’t, of course, though her team tried their best to help her move forward.

She did, eventually. England camps became less heavy, and when England won the Euros in 2025 again, during Lucy’s last match, she held up your shirt proudly, keeping the medal that had your name engraved in it, without shedding a single tear. When Arsenal won the Super League that year, they did the same thing. Lucy still felt a pinch in her chest everytime one of your teams reached another milestone, because she had wanted you to experience those kind of things. You deserved to experience your first league title, your second Euros, but more than anything-

She envisioned the life you could’ve lived, away from football. You deserved to fall in love, to visit Barcelona and every other place in the world you would’ve wanted to. You deserved to move out of your parents home into your first ever flat, you deserved to get a kitten and name it something ridiculous, the way you had always planned. You deserved to feel the rays of sun on your skin on the odd day it didn’t rain in London, you deserved to go on another trip to Ibiza and terrorize the rest of the girls in the club for another night. You deserved to be a bridesmaid at a wedding, the way you had always wanted to. You deserved a lot more than dying at nineteen. Everyone did. And Lucy would spend the rest of her career, potentially the rest of her life, making sure that people who felt the same way you had would feel a little less alone, a little more hopeful, would live a little longer. Anything in her power. She would do it all.

[morningberriesao3]

A THOUSAND FLOWERS COULD BLOOM

Eddie Munson X Steve Harrington

A Snippet for the Steddie Big Bang @steddiebang2024

A/N: Happy Sunday!! Here's another short snippet of the fic I'll be releasing in two short months! Mark September 23rd in your calendars if you want some classic morningberries angst, and a whole lotta smut, too. That's when chapter one will be released in all her glory.

I'll reblog this with an official posting schedule for all the chapters after, but the whole fic will be wrapped up by October 15th, meaning there'll be a new chapter every few days!!!

For now, here's Eddie pining because Steve is perfect and can do no wrong (yet)

Go to my AO3 to subscribe if you want to receive emails when I upload a new chapter.

The first time could have been a fluke, Eddie thinks. Seems even more outrageous that it's all happening again, that Steve could be into this, more than once, maybe even more than twice. That it might actually be real life and not just a fantasy that Eddie got to flesh out one time in a moment where emotions were high.

Saying goodbye is never easy, it could have been the only way Steve knew how all those months ago. Eddie wouldn't have held that over Steve's head—if things had changed, if they went back to normal.

But this isn't goodbye. Now isn't goodbye.

Maybe Steve could be like this to say hello, too. To say good morning, happy birthday, congratulations, I'm sorry, thank you.

Maybe Steve could just be like this.

It's almost as if Steve hears Eddie's thoughts, as if he can read them like fine print all over his face. He tugs on Eddie's restraints, pulls them back and back and back until they're looped behind his own neck. Until he and Eddie are nose to nose once more, so close that Eddie might melt and fuse there permanently.

"Eddie," Steve murmurs, lost in the air of the room. He brushes a stray curl from Eddie's forehead, tucks it behind his ear. "I tried to tell myself that I wouldn't—that I couldn't—do this again. I—I tried. But you live inside my mind, Eddie. You're here physically, yeah, but it's like you never left Hawkins, how much I think about you."

Eddie circles his hips, crams his lids shut because looking at the honesty in Steve's stare is too much. "Fuck, Steve."

The hand that fussed with Eddie's hair wraps gently around his neck instead, thumb burying inside the line of Eddie's jaw. The pressure wakes him up, makes him choke out a sound way too similar to a moan.

"But then I got thinking." Steve runs his lips over the same place his fingers are squeezing. They're soft as he speaks against Eddie's skin. "Why would I want that? Why would I not want to feel this way?"

Eddie tries to capture Steve's lips, because he can't physically restrain himself. He can't wait another second when Steve is speaking sweet words that sounds like he might want Eddie half as much as he wants Steve.

Those fingers tighten further, though. Stop Eddie in his tracks.

Steve must see the urgency written all over Eddie's face, because he grants him the tip of his tongue, slicks it over Eddie's lower lip. No doubt making it shine like it's glossed, like Eddie is all made up for his date with Steve.

He pulls back, smiles as if he likes what he sees.

"Damnit, Eddie. I'm... I'm confused all the time. All the fucking time, and this thing between us isn't helping." Fingers move from the straining tendons of Eddie's neck, pressure easing as they trail up his chin. To his spit-soaked lips. Curling inside, hooking over his bottom teeth, opening his jaw wide. "All I know is that it's impossible that it's a bad thing. Not when it feels so fucking right."

The noise Eddie makes might be one that he'll be embarrassed about later. Loud, garbled around Steve's thick fingers, the sound of spit bubbling in his mouth because he can't stop fucking salivating.

But right now, his mind is slipping off to somewhere else. Some paradise far away from his shitty one-bedroom, away from Indy, away from this country, this planet, this galaxy.

It settles in a universe where his soul and Steve's are intertwined. Not even that—to a universe where they were never separate in the first place. Always one being, destined to live and die together, to become a star that Eddie in this universe can see shining in the night sky. Can see speckled on Steve's skin. In his sparkly eyes.

[rebelfell]

I love your writing so much it's giving me so much joy. I was close to dropping out of the Eddie fandom because I couldn't enjoy the current trends of writing him but you write him so well I'm falling in love again. Do you have any writers on here that inspire you or that you would recommend to follow if that's ok.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh. Oh, anon. The way I wish I could print this out and hang it above my mantle. And I don’t even have a mantle. Thank you so much, truly.

I think I would have to tag every single writer in this fandom to accurately portray who inspires me. There is such a wealth of work about him, there’s something for everyone out there.

Whatever version of Eddie you want to read, he exists, and it’s not a matter of anyone’s version being better/worse, but what speaks to you.

I am gonna list some of my favorites, because I deeply want to give people their flowers, but my brain is also mashed potatoes and I hate for anyone to feel overlooked/left out.

So this is BY NO MEANS a complete list.

My sideblog @madeofmunson has pretty much everything I’ve read and my blathering recs. I’m gonna link this post I made last year, in which I babbled about some of the stories that really impacted me as I entered the Eddie fandom.

A number of them are what I would consider to be modern classics in the fandom, so I doubt you’ve missed them, but just in case 😘

And the rest are going under a cut because I am a loquacious so and so (if you couldn’t already tell)

@aphrogeneias writes such a fun, silly, goofy Eddie, but WATCH OUT because he’ll hit you with the feels out of nowhere. rockstar!eddie and his assistant make my knees weak on the regular.

@bettyfrommars has it out for me, specifically. They ruin me over and over and KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT (partly because I keep going back but that’s neither here nor there)

@br0ck-eddie is the undisputed reigning champ of soft, sweet eddie. They put out all of these little vignettes that make me feel so warm and gooey inside like I’m literally butter in the microwave.

@jo-harrington’s mind is WILD. I don’t even know how they come up with some of their concepts and I can only imagine what it’s like to create whole universes in your head from nothing.

@lesservillain fucks my brain up every time they post. I learned a whole lotta stuff I never knew about myself from their omegaverse fics 😳 Namely what the omegaverse was…

Read Red String and thank me later.

@littlexdeaths I want to put in my pocket and carry around with me all the time. They will start with just a little blurb and the next thing you know you’re swept away in the current of a whole saga and desperate to find out what happens next.

@lonelysatellites is a devastatingly good writer. I still think about Safe Hands and Bruises and how they altered my fucking brain chemistry. Actually, now that you mention it…I might need to go re-read them…again…

@mrsjellymunson is a radiant ball of light. They write stories that are just FUN and silly and sexy and they deserve only the best 💖

@somnambulic-thing is…an enigma. They have the capacity to write something so emotionally devastating I have to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for 10 hours about it. Or they will write something that is so silly and lighthearted it makes your belly ache with joy and love.

And then go and write something that is BOTH.

@the-unforgivenn is literally the sweetest soul who ever lived, I think they were a piece of candy in a past life. They write a great Eddie and a great Corroded Coffin (specifically Gareth) became they really nail that band banter/dialogue.

@trashmouth-richie makes me horny and makes me laugh and makes me horny all over again. They write with a real razor sharp wit and confoundingly good smut 😵‍💫

@urhoneycombwitch is so creative, so skilled. They create the kinds of Eddie’s that burrow under your skin and make their home there. Roomate/neighbor!eddie have my heart.

@word-wytch just received a lot of the brunt of my flailing about one of their chapters, so if you haven’t read Don’t Stand So Close To Me - DO IT.

Seriously there are still so many more 😭 But I gotta stop or I’m never gonna actually post this. If you’re reading this and your name isn’t here, it so would be if I had infinite time ♥️ Yes, you.

I did not even touch on my Steve writers???????? (see @stuffedwithsteve for them)

[here2bbtstrash]

real magic (explicit)

genre: smut, fluff, bangin’ your boss, m attempts kidfic - part of a hyung holiday collab !

pairing: namjoon x reader

summary: the holiday season has never meant anything to you beyond suffering long hours for minimum wage and awaiting the collapse of capitalism— but this year, you’d be willing to add making out with your dilf coffee shop boss to the list.

word count: 16.7k 😩

contains: ~*~explicit sexual content (after kind of a slow burn sorry lol)~*~ the "moving back to your hometown" hallmark trope, a nick jonas poster (yes that's a warning), some taekook slander in the beginning because i thought it was funny, namjoon is so buff and so dumb but so wise and so hot, moni is a little shit, namjoon is a dad!, namjoon's kid uses they/them pronouns but it's not like A Focus of the story it's just flavor, reader thinks joon has a dead wife for like one second 💀 mentions of teenage pregnancy and co-parenting, one incredibly stupid asshole customer lmao, mint choco slander (it's what namjoon would want 😌), obviously there is an employee/boss power dynamic but they talk about it and figure it out because this is namjoon and he overthinks everything, namjoon driving (he's a dad i have to assume he would get his license if he had a literal child!!!!!!!!) and a lotta sentimental holiday and life talk. here are ur sex specific warnings: making out/going to second base in a car in a parking lot (what is it with my namjoons and cars in parking lots yo), fingering, semi-drunk sex, and fuckin' rawwwww with a smidge of size and breeding kink lmao (but she's on the pill!!! no more kids!!!!!!)

A/N: hello hello hi merry crisis this damn fic is finally here lmao~ as i have been babbling on about for days i really really (REALLY) love how this namjoon turned out he's just hesjkrgdhtgk such a fucking himbo but a good dad and wise and did i mention hot aaaaaa 🫠 all the love in my gay little heart to @goodsoop for their barista wisdom and real life experiences that went into this one (the cookie story will never not make me laugh) ! and to @sailoryooons for beta reading this 50 million times and encouraging me when i was convinced it sucked ass, and also for making all the gorgeous banners for this collab 😭

which btw - be sure to go check out @gimmethatagustd & @sailoryooons & @nabiolive 's fics tooooo !!! i've loved collabing with them so very much even when we were all hashtag Going Through It, we got the whole damn hyung line you hear meeeeee 🎁🎁🎁🎁

read on AO3!

Rudely awoken by the incessant beep of your alarm, you open your eyes to find Nick Jonas staring back at you, and you sit up with a scream.

Realization washes over your sleep-addled brain in waves: first, that you aren’t actually staring at a real person. He’s just smizing on a hot pink poster, held up by some remarkably durable masking tape you stuck to the wall fifteen years ago. Second, it comes back to you that you are staring at said poster because you’ve woken up in your childhood bedroom. It’s been left untouched since you were a teenager, like a weird time capsule of all your high school obsessions.

After reaching for your phone to silence the alarm, you kick your way out from under the blankets, trying not to make eye contact with Nick, or Justin, or Zayn as you stumble to the bathroom. The circumstances of your grand return to living in your goddamn parents’ house linger like a bad taste in your mouth, one that all the tongue brushing in the world can’t remove.

It still doesn’t feel real. Taehyung, your best friend in the world since freshman year of college, kicked you out. Sure, it may have been phrased more like a gentle request, but as far as your ego is concerned, it still feels like exile. Banishment, even. The person you thought you could never be parted from made his choice, and he chose his fucking boyfriend over you.

Jungkook. You think the name with all the venom your cold, dead heart can manage as you spit toothpaste into the sink.

Jungkook, the weird, bug-eyed kid who put his toe-socked feet on your couch, drank his banana milk out of your favorite mug, and ate up all of your Samyang ramyeon because he ‘thought it was communal’. 

Jungkook, who ruined your sleep schedule nightly, either by fucking Taehyung senseless on the other side of your paper-thin apartment wall, or by blasting the same four Ariana Grande songs over and over on his bluetooth speaker and singing along in an annoyingly good voice. Either activity would go on well into the early hours of the morning, until you had to bang on the wall so hard you nearly put your fist through it.

Jungkook, whose dog once took a shit right on the floor in the middle of the kitchen.

Bam was cute enough to forgive, of course. But you can never forgive Taehyung for his betrayal. Especially when he knew you’d just been fired from your shitty coffee shop job for the stupidest reason ever, and he didn’t let that derail or even delay him. He still went ahead and delivered the killing blow.

Et tu, Taehyung? you think angrily to yourself as you stand in front of the suitcase containing as much of your closet as you could possibly fit. You still need to go back for your bigger furniture, and little things like your plates and your mugs and your silverware, which Jungkook is probably putting his grimy little fingers all over at this very moment. But until you’ve checked out of your indefinite vacation at the Nightmare Parental Hotel, there doesn’t really seem a point.

If you were less upset, you might take consolation in the fact that your parents aren’t actually here, that they’ve jaunted off to their timeshare until the new year, but you’re busy being too swallowed whole by your misery to find an ounce of joy in any piece of your current reality.

You dig through the pile of clothes until you manage to pull out something halfway decent. The first order of business now that you’ve moved back in is simple: acquire another stupid coffee shop job. You have no plans to stick around long, you just need something seasonal that will give you some meager income while you start looking for a real gig, one that is ideally not in your hometown.

Watching yourself in the mirror as you pull on a simple black blouse and your least-stained pair of jeans, you attempt to mentally dust off your interview skills. You conjure up your best fake smile and customer service voice, both of which are second-nature at this point.

Why do you want this job? “I’m just so passionate about coming home sticky and verbally abused by caffeine-addicted assholes every night.”

What’s your biggest weakness? “Clearly it’s the fact that I’m a ray of fucking sunshine.”

Why were you terminated from your last job? “Oh, well, I attempted to get my previous employer to improve their standards of worker treatment. You see, I selfishly requested that they raise the bar a single notch above hell. Certainly won’t happen again!”

This should go well, you tell yourself, and your reflection grimaces back.

With several hours to kill before your job interview and a growing desire to avoid the weird nostalgia of your childhood that seems to lurk in every corner of your parents’ house, you decide to take a walk.

The sky is bright blue and cloudless, and though the air is brisk, it isn’t terribly windy. You tuck in your earbuds as you shut the front door behind you and pick a direction, aimless, letting your mind wander to the soundtrack of your “seasonal depression” playlist.

A whole new crop of families must have moved into your parents’ neighborhood in the years since you moved out, because the streets are more alive with kids than you can ever remember them being, even when you were a kid yourself. Bikes and scooters lay abandoned on the sidewalks between homes, and you can hear the repeated echo of a basketball dribbling on a driveway, punctuated by distant, playful screaming.

Even in the daytime, you can tell these families have spared no expense when it comes to Christmas decor: some homes have every eave outlined in string lights, some have candy cane stakes dug into the perimeter of their perfectly manicured lawns, and some have been seemingly invaded by small armies of inflatable reindeer and snowmen. You can’t help but giggle a little at the inflatable decorations that have been set to turn off during the day, the way the airless material lays limp in the grass, giving the impression of a yard strewn with dead bodies.

But you remember what it looked like when you drove in last night, everything lit up and brought to life.

Your parents definitely didn’t have inflatable lawn decorations when you were a kid, but you’d get so excited every year when your dad would drag the ladder out and spend the day stringing up the simple rainbow lights you did have. You still remember the little spark of joy you’d feel in your chest when the colors would click on after dark, the way you would run outside every night just to see them twinkle, your breath puffing steam clouds in the air, your bare feet freezing on the ice-cold driveway.

It felt like magic then. But somewhere along the way you grew up. And now that feeling’s gone. Even at night, the lights just look like… lights.

Distracted as you are by the music in your ears and thoughts of your childhood that have brought you to a standstill on the sidewalk, you don’t notice what’s happening until it’s too late. 

A blur of red and white is suddenly circling around and between your legs, and you feel something twining over your ankles, then tugging with a force that threatens to knock you off balance. As you lean forward in an attempt to right yourself, the chaos in question slows enough for you to realize it’s a fluffy white dog in a red sweater, who has excitedly tangled you up in his leash.

You manage to find the looped end of the leash and slowly get yourself unwrapped while the dog continues to pant and jump and occasionally yap at you. With your legs freed, you squat down for a proper greeting, laughing to yourself as he lifts up on his hind legs, balancing his paws on your knee to lick an enthusiastic greeting across your cheek.

“Hi, puppy,” you murmur, trying to get him to hold still long enough to read the name on his tag. A voice beats you to it.

“Moni!”

When you glance up to find Moni’s owner jogging up the sidewalk, you have to make a conscious effort to keep your own tongue in your mouth, because good lord, he is fine.

He’s tall, towering over you even once you bring yourself back up to standing, and the black workout tank and athletic shorts he’s wearing do absolutely nothing to hide the thick, well-defined muscles of his arms, chest, and thighs.

Despite his lack of clothing in the cool winter air, you can see his face and neck are slick with sweat, his white-blonde hair damp with it too. There’s even a dark patch that’s soaked his shirt at his sternum, making the firm swell of his pecs that much more apparent. It takes you an extra second to break eye contact with them, but when you do finally manage to drag your gaze up to meet his, you realize his face is just as nice of a view: honey-tan skin, full lips, and cute dimples that pop as he gives a sheepish, appreciative laugh.

“Thank you,” he says, a little breathless; his voice is deep and slightly husky in a way that makes your face grow hot. You blink stupidly at him for a few moments, your mind reeling, and then it occurs to you that you still have his dog’s leash in your hand.

“No problem,” you manage, handing the looped end back over and double-checking to make sure your ankles are still free from their entanglement. Though now that this man is holding the leash, you kind of wish they weren’t.

“Moni’s usually good about not taking off when I stop to do a circuit,” he explains, like you’re the dog owner police. It makes you wonder what kind of Karens must have moved into this neighborhood since you left it. “I don’t know why he ran, maybe he saw a squirrel or something.”

“It’s okay,” you reassure him with a smile, admiring Moni as he stretches and settles into a polite seated pose. “I like his sweater.”

“Thanks,” he laughs again. “C’mon Mon.”

You can’t help focusing on how big this guy’s hands are as he slips his fingers through the end of Moni’s leash, tugging slightly as if to encourage the dog back in the direction he came from.

Moni blinks and stays right where he is.

“You little shit,” his owner huffs under his breath, and you have to bite down on your bottom lip to keep from laughing. You distantly realize you should probably leave them to it and continue on your walk, but this is too entertaining to turn away from now. Your hot neighbor tries one more futile attempt to get Moni to move, then seems to give up entirely.

He stoops down with a low grunt of effort that makes your core flutter as he grabs the fluffy dog and hoists him up in his arms. You try to force yourself to stop noticing the way his biceps flex, the fact that the muscles of his arms are nearly bigger than your head.

“Thanks again,” he says with a final grateful smile, and your only response is to swallow hard and stand there like an idiot as he turns and carries his spoiled dog back home.

When you arrive for your interview, you’re delighted to discover that Indigo Coffee is nothing like your last job. It’s warm and bright, with large picture windows that flood the space in sunlight, and there’s a cozy personal touch to it, the likes of which you’d certainly never see in your former corporate shell of a workplace. The sitting area is dotted with live edge wood tables and mismatched chairs. There are an array of framed paintings on the walls that look handmade in a good way, simple yet bold brush-stroke lines in a deep blue color scheme. And, you realize as your eyes linger, the shop is absolutely overflowing with plants: in simple clay pots lined up along the windows, free-standing between tables, and tucked into bookshelves placed artfully throughout the space. 

You step closer to inspect one as you wait on your interviewer and are pleased to see that it’s real, that they all are— no waxy fake leaves jammed into a thick block of cement, but real greenery sprouted in real dirt, deep brown soil gone soft from what must have been a recent watering. These are plants someone cares for, coaxed and kept alive by someone’s time and patience and love. The thought makes you smile a little despite yourself.

There’s still fucking Christmas music playing, but you figure that’s inescapable this time of year.

“Are you here for the interview?” someone asks over your shoulder. As you turn away from the plant, you wonder if you’re imagining that the voice in question sounds slightly familiar, and then you find yourself once again staring up at a fine-ass man with white-blonde hair and a sweet pair of dimples.

He’s clearly showered since your last encounter, and is now slightly more covered up in a pair of faded jeans and a gray-green flannel thrown over a black shirt emblazoned with bold white lettering: Protect Trans Kids.

“Oh.” Moni’s owner blinks back at you, and the shock on his face is so apparent that a giggle escapes your lips before you can stop it. “Uh, hi again.”

“Hi,” you echo, equally flustered, before realizing you failed to answer his initial question. “Oh, yeah. Yes. I am. The interview. I’m— that’s me.” So well-spoken, you mentally kick yourself.

One dimple deepens slightly as he extends a hand. “Kim Namjoon. Owner of Indigo Coffee. And the world’s least obedient dog, as you saw earlier.”

You offer your best handshake in return and a smile that you surprisingly don’t have to force as you give Namjoon your name. He gestures to a table in the corner, and you each pull back a chair to have a seat. You try to banish any potential horny thoughts from your brain, but shifting into interview mode proves difficult as he rests his large hands on the table in front of him, drumming idly along to the horribly cheery music.

You manage to tear your gaze away from Namjoon’s fingers when he speaks again. “If it’s cool with you, we can just chat a little? I’m not so good at conducting formal interviews. Too inauthentic.”

It’s like you can feel some of the tension release from your shoulders. “I— yeah. That sounds great.”

“Cool,” he nods, and you try to ignore the rush of heat up your neck at the intensity of his stare. Professional, be professional. “So I saw on your resume that it looks like your last few jobs were out of town. Did you just move here?”

“Moved back,” you say quickly. “Yeah. I grew up here, actually.”

Namjoon’s eyes widen a little in clear interest. “Really? What brings you back?”

You purse your lips as you consider how to phrase it. “My life… kind of fell apart. So. I moved in with my parents for a bit. Like a winner.” His dimples pop when he smiles at your joke, and you drop your gaze to the table. “Just trying to figure out what’s next, and find something seasonal in the meantime.”

“Well, we could certainly use the help,” Namjoon admits. When you chance a glance up, there’s a look on his face like he’s choosing his next words carefully. “I saw in your application that you were terminated from your last position.” He leans in, lowering his voice slightly as he continues. “I’m gonna be honest, I hate that we even ask that question. But can you tell me a bit about what happened?”

You keep your stare fixed on the wood grain in front of you as you try to stay calm. “Well, if I can be honest too...” Squeezing your eyes shut, you tell yourself to just say it. “I was fired for trying to unionize.”

“Oh.” Namjoon sounds surprised, but you can’t manage to look at him. “Really?” You nod slowly, biting down on your bottom lip. “That’s— fucking illegal.”

That makes your gaze snap back up to meet his. His brow is furrowed slightly, a muscle in his jaw pulled tight.

“Yeah,” you say belatedly. “Yeah, I know. They made up a bunch of fake excuses as to why I was fired, but I knew what it really was. It was because I wanted them to actually pay us what we were worth, and hire more workers so we weren’t being scheduled to death. And I was getting everyone else riled up too, and I guess it scared them.”

Namjoon sits back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. “Huh. Man. Well, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

It takes you a second to process what you’re hearing. Union has always been a scary word for any person in upper management you’ve previously encountered. You hadn’t expected this to be so… easy. For him to understand, or sympathize. “I— yeah. I am too.”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Namjoon continues quickly, “I think it’s great, what you tried to do. I’m very pro-union.” He pauses for a moment, his face twisting slightly in thought. “I mean, admittedly, we don’t have one here. Granted, there are only five of us. I should probably ask, though, if they want one.”

You can’t quite hide your smile. “I’m gonna take a guess that you probably treat your employees pretty well as-is.”

“I try,” he says with a shake of his head. His eyes meet yours again. “So, here’s the deal. You have a ton of experience, and with holiday time off and a few people out sick, I’m super understaffed right now. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, and hopefully you feel like you can come to me if you have any issues, without fearing retaliation.”

You blink slowly, and he must be able to read the disbelief on your face. “What I’m saying is I’m offering you the seasonal position,” he clarifies. “Is that— do you, uh, accept?”

“Yes.” The word is chased by a dazed laugh, and Namjoon’s dimples resurface around a small smile.

“Cool. I told you I’m bad at interviews,” he huffs, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. You try to ignore the swell of his bicep, clearly visible even beneath his bulky flannel. “I know this is a lot to ask, but. Is there any chance you can start, like, right now? Because Jimin’s shift ends in…” He tilts a little, fishing his phone from the front pocket of his jeans, and his mouth drops open in surprise when he gets a glimpse at the time.

“Oh, shit,” Namjoon murmurs, and then he raises his voice to call across the mostly empty store. “Jimin-ah! I’m so sorry!”

You turn around, your gaze landing on the barista leaned up against the counter next to the register. His dyed-gray hair dusts over his eyes, which pull into crescent moons as he laughs. “It’s cool. I knew you were almost done. But I’m gonna clock out now, if she’s good?”

“Yeah,” you answer, turning back to Namjoon. “Yeah, I can start now.”

The two of you move behind the counter, and you sweep your hair up out of your face while Namjoon starts to go through a basic run-down of where everything is located. The overhead bell tinkles as Jimin shoulders the front door open, and he lifts a hand over his head in parting.

“See you after the holidays!”

“Alright,” Namjoon says as he waves to Jimin, a little breathless from having rambled on for the better part of several minutes. “That was a lot. Do you want to just start on register? I feel like that should be easy enough, and I can train you on everything as people come in, since it’s pretty dead right now.”

You shrug. “Works for me.”

Within half an hour, there’s a line out the door, and Namjoon has managed to spill espresso grounds all over his shoes for a second time.

“Ah, shit,” he groans, taking a step back. “Sorry. Been a minute since I’ve had to be back here.”

“It’s okay,” you try to reassure him, but you can see from the faces of the customers who have been waiting on their drinks for several minutes— including one who’s had hers remade three times, all of them incorrect— that it is very much not okay. You certainly lack the people skills to smooth over any of Namjoon’s mistakes, and you can feel a stress-induced eye twitch starting to flare up, brought on by Kelly Clarkson’s incessant yuletide belting.

You give your boss five more minutes, wherein he scalds his hand on the milk steamer, forgets about a cookie in the warmer until it’s burnt entirely black, and nearly turns the blender on with the lid off, before you finally intervene.

“Hey, Namjoon?” You do your best to keep your expression pleasant when he glances over at you, wiping at his brow with the back of his hand. “Maybe we should switch?”

“A-are you sure?” he stammers, apparently torn between wanting to be a good boss and a clear desire to just take the L. “I feel bad, this is literally your first shift.”

“I think I can handle it,” you reassure him, lowering your voice a little. “Let me take care of the drinks, and you can do your… endearing golden retriever thing. Keep the people entertained.”

Color blooms in the apples of his cheeks as his dimples make a brief appearance. “Oh, okay. Can do. Just let me know if you need help.”

You can’t imagine a universe where his clumsiness could in any way be considered helpful, but you keep that thought to yourself as you smile at him. At least he’s cute.

Things improve dramatically once your roles are reversed: as you expected, Namjoon is far more charismatic than he is coordinated, and he chats endlessly with the people waiting on their drinks, hardly pausing long enough to take a breath, while you scramble around trying to get your bearings in a new environment. The steady stream of customers doesn’t let up for the rest of the evening, until the last few finally trickle out of the store a few minutes after close, and you waste no time locking the door behind them with a sigh of relief.

You spin around, letting your back thud against the door for a moment as you watch Namjoon fight with a broom and dustpan in a futile attempt to get espresso dust out of the grout between the tiles. There’s a dull ache starting to thud in your skull, and it’s only deepened by the shrill opening notes of another fucking a cappella song.

“Namjoon?” you ask as you cross toward the counter, and his head instantly snaps up. “Do you think we could maybe turn off the Christmas music?”

“Oh, sure.” He’s already fumbling to grab his phone, and he taps a few buttons until the music suddenly switches, a soft voice starting to croon over an old school beat.

“Thanks,” you say, and you can’t help the pity smile that pulls up your mouth when he returns to his useless task. “I think the grout might be a lost cause, but I can go ahead and mop whenever you’re ready.”

He rights himself with a defeated sigh, nodding his head to the storage closet in the back. You follow his lead to retrieve the mop, then set about filling up the bucket with water and cleaning solution. Namjoon’s voice floats in from the front of the shop as he busies himself with his own closing tasks.

“Imagine smokin’ weed in the street without cops harassin’ / Imagine goin’ to court with no trial / Lifestyle cruisin’ blue Bahama waters / No welfare supporters, more conscious of the way we raise our daughters...”

You’re laughing a little as you roll the bucket out, starting at the door to work your way back. “Is this… Nas?”

He glances up, like he’s just remembered other people exist in the world. “Yeah, sorry. I can turn it off.”

“No, no,” you say quickly when he starts to reach for his phone again. “This is good. Much better than Pentatonix. I’m just… you really know every word.”

Namjoon shrugs, clearly embarrassed. “He’s my favorite.”

The revelation surprises you, and you pause to think as you pull the mop back and forth over the tile floor. It didn’t even occur to you that Namjoon would have a favorite kind of music, apart from the soft elevator muzak you imagine must play on a steady loop in his brain, given the way he fumbles through life.

“I actually wanted to be a rapper,” his voice comes back, and you look up again, your interest piqued. “When I was younger. But you know. Life had other plans.”

“Ah yes, the rapper to coffee shop owner pipeline,” you muse, and he barks a laugh that you wish you didn’t find so hot. Shaking your head, you force yourself to look back down at the espresso-studded tile, doing your best to shove your attraction aside and not think about it. He’s your boss, dumbass.

Still, it’s hard to ignore, particularly as he continues to rap along to each song that comes on, his voice deeper and huskier than you’ve heard it thus far in casual conversation. He doesn’t miss a word, and you can’t deny that it’s impressive. And sexy. Fuck.

Once the floor has been successfully mopped and everything else is put back together, you hop up onto the counter to wait for the tile to dry, and your gaze lingers over Namjoon’s large hands as he cashes out the register. He flips through the bills in time to the music, still humming under his breath as he goes, and you do your best to hold in your laugh when he inevitably loses count and has to start over from the beginning. Thankfully the second attempt sticks, and he smiles proudly to himself as he zips everything up into the deposit bag.

“First shift down,” he announces, as if you might have forgotten, and then his eyes find yours and you swear your breath gets stuck in your throat. “How do you feel?”

It only occurs to you now how close he’s standing to you, and with the way your legs are casually dangling over the edge of the counter, it wouldn’t take much for him to step between them. And god, he’s so damn tall, you’re practically eye-to-eye.

“Uh,” you manage, your mouth suddenly gone dry. “Good. I feel good.”

“That’s good,” he answers, his voice dipping into that throaty tone again. You find yourself wondering absentmindedly if maybe Namjoon has a customer service voice, too, and then for the briefest flash of a moment, his gaze flits from your eyes to your lips and back again. It’s so quick, you can’t be sure it even really happened.

You tell yourself it’s just your exhausted post-shift brain seeing things that aren’t there, wanting this fine-ass man to be into you, too.

A sudden bang on the front door makes you flinch so hard, you come dangerously close to kneeing Namjoon in the crotch. He takes a large step back as you whip around to look over your shoulder, only to see a kid’s face pressed to the glass, framed by two small hands. You’ve never been great at telling the age of children on sight, but this one looks like… maybe a middle schooler?

“Whose fucking kid is that?” you say automatically, blinking, dumbfounded. Namjoon’s laugh is a low rumble behind you.

“That would be mine.”

It takes several days for the shock to wear off. Your boss has a kid. Kim “could’ve burnt the building down with a single cookie” Namjoon is at least partially responsible for keeping another human being alive. Which means you have a crush… on a father.

A father who also happens to be your boss.

You try not to think about any of it.

There’d been brief introductions when you left the shop that first night, but all you’d really managed to glean was the kid’s name, Sol, and their pronouns. As someone who is historically terrible with children, you’d excused yourself the minute Namjoon locked the front door, after what felt like an eternity spent watching him pat each of his pockets twice before he finally managed to find his keys.

“I hope it wasn’t weird,” your boss says out of nowhere in the middle of your next shift, during a much-needed moment of peace after the morning rush. “For you to meet Sol like that. It’s just been hard, since their mom, uh…”

Namjoon trails off, leaving the sentence unfinished. You glance up, eyes widening as you put the pieces together.

“Oh my god,” you breathe. “I’m so sorry.”

His gaze meets yours, and it’s like you can see the wheels in his head turning before he catches up. “No, no,” he says quickly, and then he starts to laugh. “Wow, I really did not start that sentence well. She’s not dead. She just got married, and she’s on her honeymoon for most of December. The logistics have been hard, is what I meant.”

An embarrassed heat creeps up your neck, and your elbows thud against the countertop as you press your face into your hands, attempting to muffle your own laughter. “In my defense,” you groan, “you really made it sound like you had a dead wife.”

“Not dead! She’s fine!” Namjoon’s dimples are as prominent as you’ve ever seen them when you peek up at him from your full-body cringe. “Very much alive, very much not my wife.” The muscles in his arms flex as he crosses them over his chest, leaning up against the counter next to the register. “Never was, actually.”

“Really?” you answer automatically, your damned curiosity getting the better of you.

He nods, his voice a little more serious when he continues, rambling on in the way that you’ve already started to suspect is his default setting, talking as if to fill empty space. “We were seventeen when we got pregnant. I knew we were young then, but I don’t think I really realized. Now that I’m almost thirty, I know: seventeen is fucking young.”

The line of his jaw tightens, thoughtful, as his gaze sweeps over the floor. “I thought I wanted to marry her, or at least felt obligated to. Like it was the right thing to do, but. We didn’t have any money, and then it all got so hectic after Sol was born. Didn’t even take a year for us to realize it wasn’t gonna work, not for us.”

You blink, trying to take in all the new information. “That sounds really hard.”

“It was,” Namjoon admits. “But we were both on the same page about it. That no matter what, Sol had to come first.” He glances up with a shrug. “It’s all good now. She’s a great co-parent, and her new husband is really good for her. And… well, I have Indigo.”

The tinkling of the bell at the front door snaps you out of a daze, makes you realize you’ve been staring at him, dumbfounded. You do your best to shoot Namjoon a soft smile, and to ignore the pang in your chest as he turns to greet the customer that’s just wandered in, already starting to babble on about the weather.

You find yourself more grateful for Namjoon’s presence with each passing shift, in a way that you try to convince yourself is thoroughly platonic. Between fairly steady work and his very steady chatter, your time spent in the warm, sunny space of Indigo turns out to be a good distraction from your own miserable excuse for a life. The repetitive motions of making drink after drink are oddly comforting, and you have to admit, Namjoon really is good with the customers.

“Peppermint mocha to go.”

You do your best to follow up the sentence with a polite smile as you set a drink down for the customer who has done nothing but scowl at you the whole time you were making it. The silent prayer you’ve sent out to the universe that he’ll take whatever personal problem he has elsewhere and leave you alone has clearly gone unanswered.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snaps, and you can feel your shoulders creep up towards your ears in anticipation of nothing good. Here we fucking go.

You blink twice, trying to keep your service persona engaged. “I’m sorry, is that not what you ordered?” It is, you know it is, you heard him say it.

“No, that’s mine,” the man quickly responds, reaching out to snatch the cup in a motion that makes you flinch. “But do you hear this fucking song?”

The honest answer is no: at this point the ever-present Christmas music might as well be white noise, so you have to make a conscious effort to tune back in and listen. It’s a few seconds, and then you pick up on the melody. “…Last Christmas?”

“Uh, yeah,” he continues, explaining like you’re stupid. “The original. Last Christmas by Wham!” When it’s clear you still aren’t putting the pieces together, he scoffs in pure frustration. “You just made me lose Whamageddon! I’ve won every year for the last five years, I can’t believe you would even put this on your fucking playlist!”

Your face pulls into an incredulous grimace before you can think to control it. “Uh, I’m sorry, but I didn’t make the—”

He cuts you off. “First off, I don’t need the fucking attitude. And surely you’re at least capable of checking what songs are on there, right? That’s not too advanced for you to handle?”

You didn’t even hear Namjoon walk up from the back office, but he’s suddenly stepping in front of you, and you’re more than glad to move back and let him handle this dude before you end up in jail. “Woah, woah, alright,” Namjoon interjects, his voice loud enough to carry. “What’s going on?”

The man beats you to it. “I’m trying to file a legitimate complaint and she’s rolling her fucking eyes and getting an attitude with me!”

“It’s the song,” you explain briefly, trying to keep everything about your expression neutral. “He’s mad that we’re… playing Wham.”

Namjoon’s face twists in an expression that you would find funny if you weren’t so fucking livid, one that you’re pretty sure is the mirror image of your own reaction minutes earlier. “The song? Seriously?”

You can see the guy scrambling, clearly starting to get embarrassed at his own dramatics. “Alright, I don’t have time for this. I guess I just need to take my business elsewhere, because this is ridiculous. What ever happened to the customer is always right?”

Namjoon goes silent for a minute, and you try to ignore the way the look on his face makes your pulse quicken, thudding brightly in the hollow of your neck. His voice is deadly serious when he speaks again. “I appreciate that you’re upset, but if you’re going to look my employee in the face, after she just performed a service for you, and disrespect her like that? Over a fucking song? Nah, I’m not gonna tolerate it. Maybe the next time you want someone to make you a toothpaste drink, you should take your ass to Starbucks.”

It takes every ounce of strength you have to keep the reaction off your face until the asshole has stormed out the front door, nasty drink in hand. As the bell finally tinkles to signal his departure, you collapse forward, just barely catching yourself on the counter so you don’t crumple straight down to the floor.

“Oh my god.” Your laugh of disbelief comes out more like a groan, at the ridiculous complaint and your boss’ insanely attractive comeback alike. “I fucking hate this time of year.”

“Hey.” The word is punctuated by Namjoon’s shoulder bumping into yours, and you look back up at him, still laughing a little at your own misery. His eyes search yours, sincere. “Assholes are assholes no matter what season it is. I’m sure that guy finds plenty of things to complain about the other eleven months of the year, too. Don’t let him ruin it for you.”

You can’t help rolling your eyes, if only because you can do it freely now, without a man standing over you and yelling about your ‘bad attitude’. “I guess,” you huff. “And thank you.”

Namjoon shakes his head, like it’s nothing. “Chin up, okay?”

The two of you breeze through closing that night, familiar enough to fall into a steady routine now. You’re wiping everything down behind the counter and humming along to Tupac when Namjoon’s voice drags you back out of your thoughts in a way you’ve already grown accustomed to.

“You know…”

You glance up, only to realize that he’s started to flip chairs on top of tables to clear the floor, and is grabbing them two at a time, one in each hand. The image makes you a little dizzy, and you tell yourself to focus on his words, not his biceps.

“I think we make a pretty good team,” he concludes.

“Yeah,” you breathe, trying to keep your composure at the unexpected compliment. “I was thinking the same thing. And thanks again for, you know. Handling that guy.”

Namjoon shrugs, like it’s nothing. “Hey, you’re doing me a favor, taking this seasonal job. I’m not about to let anyone fuck with you.”

You bite down on a smile as you head towards the back to grab the mop, and then you hear a loud bang on the front door— it’s another sound you’ve gotten used to in your brief time at Indigo. There’s the click of the deadbolt, chased by the tinkling overhead bell and Namjoon’s chiding voice. “Homie, if you break my door I’m gonna make you get a job to pay me back for it.”

“You think I don’t know about child labor laws?” you hear Sol retort, clearly not intimidated, and the attitude in their voice has you biting back a laugh.

Wheeling the mop bucket out of the storage closet, you glance up to see Namjoon jut his chin toward the large front window, indicating Sol to take a seat on the ledge. “Feet off the floor, she’s tryna clean.”

Sol complies, plopping down in the window with their eyes glued to their phone as Namjoon disappears back toward the office to grab his things. You watch as Sol pulls their knees into their chest so their chunky black boots clear the tile, and you can’t help noticing that said boots are adorned with oversized silver bat-shaped buckles, reflecting the amber streetlight gleam that leaks through the window.

“I like your boots,” you say, more to yourself than Sol, half expecting them to be so engrossed in TikTok that they don’t even hear you.

But to your surprise, Sol looks up.

“Thanks,” they say, glancing at their feet. “I just got them. I’m in my post-hardcore era right now.”

The statement is delivered without a trace of irony, and you do your best to hold in another amused giggle as you respond. “Wow, you are… so much cooler than I was when I was your age.”

Sol seems to consider this for a moment, then shrugs. “I mean, you didn’t have the internet back then, right?”

The question hits you like a train, and you have to pause and press a hand over your heart at the impact. “Okay, ouch, I’m not that old.” They grimace apologetically, and you lean up against the mop handle in thought. “But the internet definitely wasn’t like it is now. The only social media that really existed was Myspace, and my parents wouldn’t let me make one. I mostly just used the internet to, like, play RuneScape.”

“Oh shit,” Sol remarks, sounding remarkably like Namjoon in the process. “You played old school?!”

It’s like you can feel your bones crumbling to dust inside your body, and you wince as you resume dragging the mop over the tile. “Hey, back then it was the only kind of RuneScape we had. But yes, you can consider me a… founding father of that game.”

“That’s cool!” they exclaim, sounding so genuine it makes your head spin. When did RuneScape become cool again? “My friends and I play old school all the time. It’s the best, for real.”

You shake your head in disbelief as you continue to mop, and a long pause settles between you, with Sol’s interest clearly returning to their phone.

Fuck, you think to yourself, what else do kids even talk about? Marvel movies? It’s like your mind has gone totally blank, unable to conjure up a single topic of conversation, and you practically huff out an audible sigh of relief when their voice breaks the silence again.

“I think my dad has been happier since you started working here.”

The mop nearly slips out of your hands entirely, and you glance up, eyes wide. “I— really?”

Sol nods, playing absentmindedly with the strings of their black hoodie, then bringing the end of one up to their mouth to gently chew on. “It’s a theory I have. A game theory. I plan to ask additional follow-up questions tonight.”

At this, you can’t help but laugh. “Well, I’m sure your investigation will be very thorough.”

There’s a flash of a dimple in Sol’s cheek, like the mirror image of their dad. “I can tell you what he says, if you want.”

You wonder how telling your own smile is. “I mean… I can’t say I’m not curious.” You’re distantly aware of the sound of the office door closing, chased by Joon whistling to himself, and you lower your voice conspiratorially as you drop the mop back into the bucket. “I look forward to hearing what you find out.”

Monday morning, when you wake up to the omnipresent smize of Nick Jonas, you can’t help smiling back. 

You made it through your first week of work, and it wasn’t even that torturous. And best of all, Namjoon reminded you the night before that Indigo is closed on Mondays, which gives you an entire day to spend as you please. A real day off, which was truly unheard of at your last job, where you’d spend your non-scheduled days still anticipating an incoming emergency text asking you to cover a shift last-minute. More often than not, you’d end up working after all.

“But not today,” you announce to Nick.

A grand plan has already started to form in your head, one that involves a party size bag of Hot Cheetos and all eight episodes of The Fabulous, and yet. There’s a lingering urge at the back of your brain that you can’t quite ignore. With all the day-off energy you can muster, you drag yourself out of bed and tug on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, then shuffle into the bathroom to at least make yourself halfway decent.

You’re just going for a quick walk around the block to get some fresh air, you tell yourself. That’s all. Certainly no other reason.

It’s only a few minutes after you step out your front door that a fluffy white blur nearly collides with your shins, and when you stoop down to lift Moni into your arms, you once again can’t keep the smile off your face. Huh, who could’ve seen this coming?

But when you glance up, there’s no hot buff man jogging up the sidewalk after his dog. In fact, you realize as you look back at the ball of fluff in your arms, he isn’t wearing a leash or harness at all, just another cute sweater.

“Are you even supposed to be out here?” you ask Moni. His only answer is to drag his tongue up the side of your face.

You shift him a little in your arms so you can fumble for the tag attached to his collar, and thankfully, there’s an address listed. It takes you a second to get your bearings in the neighborhood, having not lived here for close to a decade, but it eventually comes back to you where the listed street is, and you start to walk. Moni is already blinking sleepily in your arms, clearly enjoying his preferred mode of transportation.

A laugh bubbles up in your chest as you approach the house in question— even if you hadn’t had Moni’s tag to guide you, finding his home would’ve been easy enough as soon as you passed this street, because you can hear old school hip-hop bumping through a speaker despite still being several houses down the block. You suppose Namjoon can get away with it during the day, when all the neighborhood kids are still in school.

As you make your way up the driveway, you realize the music is actually coming from behind the house, and when you follow the path that leads around back, you spot the culprit: a simple wooden-slat fence surrounds the yard, and the gate has been left wide open.

Before you can even make it over the threshold, a familiar voice reaches your ears, sounding much closer than the music. “Ah, shit.”

Namjoon comes barreling through the open gate so fast he practically runs you over, and Moni yaps, like he’s annoyed at being jostled as you quickly try to stumble out of his owner’s path.

“Oh. Uh, hi.”

You wonder if you’ll ever be able to take in how shock looks on Namjoon’s features without giggling a little. Today is certainly not that day. It’s just so endearing, the way his eyes widen and his mouth pulls into a perfect o-shape.

“Hi,” you breathe out around your laughter, trying to ignore the heat that flushes into your face when his dimples appear in return. “I think I found something that belongs to you.”

With a wave of his hand and several profuse thank yous, you follow Namjoon back through the gate, and wait until he firmly shuts it behind you before letting Moni down to trot off across the yard. It’s only now that you take Namjoon in properly: he’s in a gray hoodie under a pair of denim overalls, both of which are splattered artfully with paint in a variety of colors.

“I was just in my studio,” he explains, tipping his head toward the small shed in the yard, which you quickly realize is also the source of the music that led you here. “Doin’ some art. Do you, uh… wanna see?”

“Yeah, okay,” you answer with a nod.

“Fair warning, I’m really bad at it,” he calls over his shoulder as he leads you in the open studio door, raising his voice to be heard over the music. He reaches for his phone, propped up in the windowsill, to turn the volume down a few notches.

There’s an easel up against the far wall holding what must be his current project, a half-finished scene that you realize upon closer inspection is thousands of tiny dots of color, painstakingly blotted onto the canvas to form a mountain landscape at a distance. A few more pieces that he’s already completed have been leaned up against another wall to dry, one featuring an abstract array of featherlight brushstrokes, and another where the paint’s been globbed on in thick layers.

Namjoon is talking a mile a minute as you inspect the canvases. “I thought maybe I’d do cyanotypes today, but it’s not sunny enough, and I’ve made that mistake before. I’m really into texture right now, so I’m trying out some different techniques with paint. I want to get better at pointillism, but it’s a lot harder than you’d think it would be. ‘Cause it’s just dots, right? But you have to be able to see the forest for the trees, too.”

“These are amazing,” you finally manage to murmur, and to your surprise, the compliment actually renders him silent. When you turn back over your shoulder to look at him, he’s glancing down, almost like he’s embarrassed.

“Thanks. But I just do it for fun. ‘Cause I love art.”

“I can tell,” you say, and when he looks up, you offer him a smile you hope reads as encouraging. “Did you make the art at work, too?”

He nods, still sheepish, and that answer also surprises you. You recall thinking on your first day that the paintings hung on the walls looked handmade, but it never crossed your mind that they might have been made by Namjoon’s hands. Maybe because you’ve grown so accustomed to seeing him drop and break things, you haven’t ever considered him as also capable of… creation.

And yet, here he is. Proving you wrong.

“Sorry,” Namjoon’s voice makes you refocus on him, and your brow furrows in confusion at the unexpected apology. “This is literally your one day away from me and here I am, taking up your time. Thanks again for bringing Moni back.”

“It’s okay.” You shrug. “Don’t have much going on today, honestly. I never really know what to do with myself when I’m not working. Which I’m aware is very sad.”

“Well, uh,” Namjoon starts, and when he takes a single step closer, you swear you feel something flutter in your stomach— or maybe lower. “Sol’s got a half-day today, since it’s the last day before break, so I’m picking them up in a bit. And we were gonna go on a hike, probably take Moni too. You’re welcome to join us, if you’d like?”

Your eyes widen at the invitation. “Oh. That sounds great. I mean, if you’re sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”

He shakes his head, the corner of his mouth pulling up just so. “Nah. I actually think Sol really likes you. At least, they wouldn’t stop asking questions about you at dinner last night.”

“Is that right?” You do your best to keep your expression neutral.

Namjoon drives far enough north that there’s actually snow on the ground when you climb out of his front seat. You shove your hands into the pockets of your jacket as you follow him across the gravel parking lot towards the trailhead, a few paces behind Sol and Moni.

Sol shoots an expression of pure mischief at you over their shoulder, and then immediately starts to sprint up the marked path through the woods, Moni easily keeping up.

“Bye, nerds!” you hear them call before they disappear between the trees.

“Stay on the trail!” Namjoon shouts back, sounding as dad-like as you’ve ever heard him, and you can’t help but laugh. The two of you quicken your steps slightly to not fall too far behind, tracking the set of boot and paw-prints they’ve left to mark their trail.

For a moment, it’s silent between you, save the crunching of snow underfoot. It’s nice, being out in nature like this, time spent with Namjoon where you aren’t suffering through Christmas music and ungrateful customers. Where you can just… breathe. It makes you feel a little less sorry for yourself, a little less fixated on your own miserable life.

You glance over at him as that strange seasonal melancholy starts to settle into your bones again. “Are the holidays… better? With a kid?”

Namjoon makes a face, like he’s surprised by the question. “I mean, they’re definitely different. Then again, it’s been a long time since I did the holidays without a kid— not since I was a kid myself. What do you mean by better?”

Self-consciousness washes over you, your gaze drifting down to the path beneath your feet. “I don’t know, there’s just… I can’t shake this weird feeling now that I’m back home. This time of year used to be so exciting for me when I was Sol’s age. Everything felt special. Magical. But now I’m back here, and nothing’s really changed, except me. But I just keep feeling like the magic is gone. It’s… sad.”

He nods, taking a moment before he responds, and he’s chuckling softly to himself when he finally does. “You know, it’s kinda funny. When Sol was younger I actually felt a lot of stress this time of year. I couldn’t really enjoy it, because I was too busy trying to make sure that they had the best holiday I could possibly give them. That they didn’t feel like they were getting any less, since, you know. Their mom and I aren’t together. It’s funny that you bring up the magic, because I put a lot of pressure on myself to make that magic happen. But now that they’re a little older, I don’t know, it’s different.”

“Different how?” you prompt.

A dimple deepens as he hesitates. “It’s gonna sound corny. But really, I realized that the holidays aren’t about the gifts, or the decorations, or every little thing going perfect. You can make yourself sick over that shit, and I did, but kids don’t really care about it.” He pauses, and for a second you think that might be it, but then he keeps going, eyes fixed on the towering pine trees ahead of you.

“The year I opened Indigo, I had sank so much fucking money into it that I was broke. Broke broke. I couldn’t afford a single gift, a tree, not even a turkey. Sol and I sat on the floor of my shitty apartment and ate Chapagetti and watched Friends. And I felt like the biggest fucking failure imaginable. And then you know what happened?”

“What?”

“Sol turned to me, and they said, ‘This is the best Christmas ever, because we get to hang out, just the two of us.’” He blinks a few times, like he’s trying to ward off tears, and his voice comes back slightly less steady than before. “I still don’t know if they said that because they really meant it, or if they could just tell that I needed to hear it. But either way, I thought to myself: how fucking lucky am I, to have such a great kid? Like what did I ever do to deserve them? I still feel that way.”

Namjoon shrugs, as if to shake off the emotion. “I don’t know. Maybe that’s not helpful to you, but. I just see it differently now. It’s not about the what, or the how. It’s about the who. Spending this time of year with the people you care about, and making sure they know you do. That’s the real magic.”

You realize the trail has carried you up the sloping hillside, and is now flattening out at the edge of a clearing, where you can see Moni chasing Sol through the snow, can hear their high-pitched laughter ringing out in the wide-open air.

When you turn back to Namjoon, he’s already looking at you.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel the magic right now. I didn’t either, for a long time. But it does come back, I believe that. It’ll come back for you, too.”

You blink up at him, overwhelmed by his willingness to be so honest, and by the wisdom of his words. “I— thank you,” you finally manage to say.

Namjoon doesn’t answer, just glances up to where Sol and Moni are still playing, and your gaze follows his out over the snow-covered field. Sol is dusting off a sizable stick, and they call out for Moni to fetch before launching it into a dramatic arc, high up in the air.

Moni watches it go, entirely disinterested, then settles onto his haunches in the snow with a yawn.

“You’re so bad at being a dog!” Sol shouts, and that’s enough to make you and Namjoon both dissolve into laughter. They look up at the sound, hands-on-hips, before yelling again, this time in your direction. “My dad said he has a crush on you!”

Your jaw drops open, and Namjoon’s eyes are wide as you’ve ever seen them when you look up at him.

“Damn, dude, you said you were gonna be chill about it!” he exclaims, and you press a hand to your mouth as a fresh wave of giggles overtakes you. Given how long Namjoon’s legs are, it only takes him a few strides to catch up to Sol. You stay a tentative distance behind him, but still close enough to be able to make out their conversation.

“Uncle Hobi says you need to be bolder with women,” Sol chides, matter-of-fact.

“Uncle Hobi says a lot of shit,” Namjoon mutters under his breath.

“He painted my nails,” Sol raises their voice, clearly talking more to you than to their dad, and holds up a hand for you to see, waggling their fingers proudly.

“They look great,” you call out in response.

Namjoon turns back to you as you step in closer, then juts his chin to a bench at the other side of the clearing. “Sit with me for a sec?”

With a nod, you follow him over, and he wipes the metal surface free of snow with his sleeve before gesturing for you to have a seat. For a moment, the two of you sit silently and watch Sol, who is already busying themself with building a snowperson while Moni slow-blinks encouragingly from a distance.

Namjoon’s words chase a heavy sigh. “I’m gonna be real with you, despite the fact that my child just stole my thunder. I like you a lot.”

Your heart swells in your chest, threatening to burst. “I-I like you too,” you stammer back immediately. “Have definitely been harboring my own crush… basically since I started working at Indigo.”

When you turn to look at him, it surprises you a little that he isn’t smiling. You can see a muscle working in his jaw, like he’s nervous.

“That’s the thing,” he finally relents. “Work. I don’t— I hadn’t really planned to tell you how I was feeling, or act on it. Because I’m your boss, and that means, you know. There’s a power dynamic there. And it would be… unethical of me to blur the lines like that, by getting involved with my employee. I wanted you to come out with us today because it was a chance for you and I to be equals, outside of work, but it’s not like that dynamic just goes away, you know? And I feel a little guilty about it now. Because I really like being around you so much, but I just. We can’t. It wouldn’t be right. Not while you’re working for me.”

You stare down at the snow under your boots as you take in his words, and you can’t help it. Try as you might to sit there and take his worries seriously, laughter flutters out of you before you can hold it in.

“What?” Namjoon asks, and you shake your head, trying to compose yourself.

“I really, really appreciate that you gave it so much thought,” you say, willing your voice to stay even. “I mean it.”

“It’s weighed really heavy on me, if I’m honest,” he says solemnly, and you glance over to see him staring into the middle distance, like he’s deep in contemplation.

Before you can stop yourself, you’re reaching out to where his hand rests on the bench between you and covering it with your own.

“Namjoon?” you ask softly, and it seems to snap him out of his trance enough to look back at you.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” you preface. “But if I have to choose between you and my stupid seasonal coffee shop job?” The smile starts to flicker over your face again. “Then I quit. I quit right now.”

“Oh thank god,” Namjoon breathes, and you can only make a soft noise of surprise when all at once, he takes your face in his hands and kisses you. You need a split second for the shock to wear off, and then you’re moving your mouth against his, one hand fisting tight in the fabric of his jacket. His lips are full and warm, and it feels like far too soon that he’s pulling back again, his cheeks flushed with color.

“Will you, uh—” he pauses, like he’s remembering how to form a sentence. “Will you still work tomorrow though? Jimin’s back after Christmas, but I really don’t think I can survive a shift on my own.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, still a little breathless from his kiss. “Yeah, I think you’d burn the place down.”

Unable to deny the claim, he laughs brightly as you untangle from each other, then gets to his feet before offering a hand to help you up. “We should head out, it’s gonna get dark soon.”

It’s true: across the wide clearing you can already see the sun threatening to sink back down between the trees, casting a golden-pink light that gleams off the snow and paints the world in warmth.

Sol leads the way back through the woods to the car, tugging Moni along by their leash, while you and Namjoon bring up the rear. You glance over at him a few times to catch him staring, and you scrape your teeth across your bottom lip, unable to keep the smile off your face, unable to stop yourself from mentally replaying the moment when he kissed you, over and over.

Just as you step under the shadow of a large tree, snow-covered branches stretching up toward the clear sky above you, Namjoon stops in the path. It’s so abrupt that you continue a few more paces before you even realize, and then you stop, too, glancing back towards him.

“Hey Sol,” Namjoon calls. “Think you and Moni can make it all the way back to the car in ten seconds?”

“I know what you’re doing,” comes Sol’s cheeky reply, but when Namjoon starts counting backwards from ten, you can hear the crunch of their boots taking off down the path.

“Eight, seven, six…” You watch as Namjoon cranes his neck until he deems Sol far enough out of sight, taking a step toward you as his counting trails off, and you find yourself pulled into him like a magnet. “Come here,” he murmurs, and then his hands are slipping up your waist and guiding you backwards until your back hits the trunk of the tree.

In true Namjoon fashion, he uses way more strength than is necessary for the task, and though your winter jacket cushions you from the impact, you’re smacked against the bark so hard that it knocks a dusting of snow off the branches above you, covering you both in flakes that stick to your hair and eyelashes. The sudden rush of cold makes you gasp into Namjoon’s mouth, but then he’s rolling his tongue over yours and you can’t think about anything else. A heavy pulse has started to thud between your legs at the heat of his breath in your mouth, the way his hips have you pinned to the tree, his body big enough to cover yours entirely.

“Joon,” you find the air to breathe as his lips trail hungrily down the slope of your neck. You rake a hand through his hair, white-blonde strands studded with snow, to try and pull his attention back, despite very much not wanting him to stop. “Joon, we should go. Before someone steals your kid.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs against your skin, and then his mouth is on yours again for one more kiss, like he can’t get enough. “Okay,” he finally grunts as he pulls away, sounding as begrudgingly responsible as you feel. Your head is still spinning; you want nothing more than to stay here and let him kiss you dizzy.

“Let’s go.”

He takes a step back so you can right yourself, reaching out to dust some snow off your jacket, and then the two of you resume walking up the path, sharing a breathless laugh like confidantes. You assume it’s just his standard clumsiness when Namjoon’s hand knocks into yours, but then his fingers are twining through yours purposefully, until you’re pressed palm to palm.

The rush of heat that blooms in your chest at his touch keeps you warm the rest of the way to the car.

Your last shift at Indigo somehow manages to feel exactly like every shift that’s come before it and completely new at the same time.

The work is the same, the steady stream of customers unchanged, the Christmas music still an aggravating soundtrack. But you no longer feel like you have to ignore the butterflies that flutter in your stomach when Namjoon asks you a question, or meets your gaze across the shop.

The only urges you have to suppress are indecent ones, made worse by Namjoon seemingly taking advantage of every opportunity to touch you: hip-checking you when you’re both standing at the front counter, pressing a hand to the small of your back whenever he has to squeeze behind you, leaning in a little closer than necessary to be heard over the noise of the milk steamer. It’s enough to make your breath hitch each time, and you can’t help but wonder if he feels the same relief at not having to hold back anymore.

Towards the end of the night, it surprises you when the typically consistent flow of customers starts to slow down, until it seems to have ceased entirely. You still have two hours to go, but you find yourself staring at the walls, every table empty, having done all the side work you can think of to distract yourself from boredom.

The sound of the front door’s lock clicking shut makes you glance up, only to see Namjoon flipping the open sign over.

“What are you doing?” you ask, blinking dumbfounded, and he looks over his shoulder at you with a shrug.

“It’s Christmas Eve Eve, and I’m the owner, so. We’re closing early. Effective immediately.” The decree makes you laugh a little, and his dimples wink back. “Let’s finish cleaning, I wanna show you something.”

In record time, you find yourself standing outside the front door of Indigo as Namjoon locks up, only tonight your hands are kept warm by the hot chocolates he’d made for the two of you as you closed. He takes his cup back once his hands are free, and you try a tentative sip from yours, now cool enough to drink without burning your mouth. Given what you witnessed of his barista abilities on your first day, you brace yourself for the worst, but your eyes widen in pleasant surprise when the liquid hits your tongue.

“Being a dad means getting really good at a few specific things,” he says by way of explanation as he unlocks his car doors, and you smile as you slip into the passenger seat.

It occurs to you as Namjoon starts to drive that you don’t actually know where he’s taking you, but when you open your mouth to ask at the next red light, he leans over you to fumble open the glovebox and you lose your train of thought. He fishes inside for a few seconds before retrieving a CD case, then makes quick work of prying it open and sliding the disc into the slot on the dash. You attempt to hide your giggle behind the rim of your cup.

“No wonder you like ‘90s music so much. You’re still living there,” you say, nodding to his antiquated stereo, and he smirks as he turns up the volume. 

“This is A Tribe Called Quest,” he remarks, quirking an eyebrow when he looks back at you. “You better show some respect.”

“Yes, sir,” you tease in response, and you don’t miss the color that flushes his cheeks.

The light turns green and he accelerates through the intersection, one hand on the steering wheel, the other reaching across the center console to grip playfully at your leg, a few inches above your knee. You can see his tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek, like he’s considering saying something, but when he finally opens his mouth, it’s just to rap along to the music.

It’s only a few songs later that he’s turning off the main road and following a barely-lit gravel path up to a large grassy parking lot, where he pulls into a space and kills the engine. You squint through the windshield, tucking your now-empty drink into the cupholder, but you can’t make out much except dusk and some vague lights over a hill in the distance.

“Was this crush thing just a ploy to murder me?” you quip, and Namjoon looks a little nervous when you glance over, like he took the question to heart. “I’m kidding,” you clarify quickly.

His voice comes out surprisingly soft. “This is one of my favorite things to do during the holidays. Thought it might help with, you know. The magic.”

Something cracks open inside you as you look back at him. “That’s… really sweet.”

“Ah,” he says, as if to dismiss the compliment. “You haven’t seen it yet. Maybe you’ll hate it. Come on.”

The two of you climb out of his car to start your trek to whatever he has in store, heading in the direction of the lights, and Namjoon’s hand slips into yours, like it’s already second nature. Easy and sweet. You grip tight to him, the night air colder now than it was when you left work, but then you finally crest over the hill, and the temperature is suddenly the furthest thing from your mind.

It takes you a moment to even understand what you’re looking at. The place is clearly some kind of arboretum, as the path ahead of you snakes through a perfectly manicured garden of various plants, but the only thing you can focus on are the lights. Every tree, bush, shrub, and other kind of greenery that lines the walkway has been intricately strung up with lights, each one boasting a different hue. The end result is nothing short of dazzling— a veritable rainbow of light and life and color, glittering diamond-bright against the deep-set night around you.

“Namjoon,” you breathe. “This is beautiful.”

There’s a dimple flickering at the corner of his mouth when you look up at him. “Thought you might like it.”

“I can’t believe I never knew this was here,” you remark, your eyes wide and blinking as you try to take it all in.

“Hey,” he answers with a shrug. “Maybe your hometown still has a few good surprises left in it.” You exhale a laugh as you lean into his side and he squeezes your joined hands; you can’t help feeling like you’ve already found the greatest surprise of them all.

After an hour spent wandering through the displays, each one more breathtaking than the last, Namjoon diverts you toward a small food stand. He comes away from the counter with a paper carton filled to the brim with long ropes of twisted, fried dough, warm enough to release steam into the air when you tear one apart to share, and dusted with cinnamon sugar that sticks to your fingertips.

The two of you take a few steps back down the path until you’re under an archway of glowing golden lights, then eventually come to a standstill, too hungry to do anything except devour your food.

Namjoon speaks first, mid-chew. “Can I ask you a question?”

“What’s up?” you answer as you reach for another piece.

He swallows, swiping the back of his hand over his mouth before he continues. “At your interview, you said your life fell apart. What happened?”

“Oh.” You smirk as you rip the braided dough in two, then in two again, before popping it into your mouth. “It seems a little silly now, but. I got fired from that last job, like I told you. And the same day, my roommate pretty much kicked me out of the apartment, because he wanted his boyfriend to move in. He was also my best friend, so. It stung a little. A lot. Moving back in with your parents at this age is humbling, to say the least. Feels a lot like starting over.”

Namjoon hums, like he understands. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Eh,” you respond noncommittally. “I should probably be happy for him. The timing just… wasn’t amazing.”

“You know,” he murmurs, thoughtful. “I thought my life was over when my ex and I got pregnant. Not even eighteen and about to be a dad. I really felt like… I don’t know, like that was it for me.” You nod slowly, unable to even fathom what that must’ve been like.

“But, here I am. Still alive.” Namjoon flashes you a grin, and you find yourself smiling back. “Still figuring it out. I actually feel like I’ve learned a lot from watching Sol grow up. They’re like—” He shakes his head, as if at a momentary loss for words. “They’re like a different person every month, I swear. What they’re into, how they dress. Who they wanna be. It makes me feel, I don’t know. Like it’s okay. Like I can change too.” He shrugs. “That’s the thing about life. It’s long. And even when you feel like it’s ended… it keeps going anyway.”

His words wash over you, and you’re so in awe that you can’t help but laugh.

“Ah, sorry.” He grimaces, suddenly self-conscious. “I know that was corny.”

“No, no,” you interject, trying to keep your composure. “I just think you are like, literally the wisest person I’ve ever met.”

The lights glimmering overhead aren’t enough to hide the way Namjoon blushes at the compliment, and then he pauses, as if recalling something. “Didn’t I nearly run the blender with the lid off on your first day?”

You double-over at the memory, and he’s laughing now, too. “Okay, okay. Fair point.” 

The thought keeps circling around in your brain as you dust cinnamon sugar from each other’s jackets and continue your way around the rest of the gardens, occasionally pausing to trade sticky-sweet kisses in the twinkling glow: you don’t want the night to end. You keep glancing over at Namjoon, wondering if he’s feeling the same way as he drives you back into town, the heat in his car on full blast, the CD player still underscoring your conversation.

“So, what do your Christmas plans look like?” he asks, eyes flitting briefly from the road to meet your gaze.

You fiddle with a button on your coat, wishing you had a less depressing answer. “I was just gonna spend it by myself. My parents already had a vacation in Hawaii planned, so I’m gonna do what I always do: hole up with booze and snacks and wait for it all to be over.”

He chuckles, tapping his fingertips absentmindedly against the steering wheel. “Well, I have about a hundred presents to wrap tomorrow night while Sol’s at their mom’s. Why don’t you come over and help? I can even provide the booze.” There’s a pause, and his voice comes back softer before you can respond. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

The corner of your mouth tugs up at his sincerity, the way he gently cares for you, has since day one. “Yeah, okay. I mean, you had me at free alcohol.”

Just like that, Namjoon is already turning back into the Indigo parking lot, where your car sits waiting for you. The two of you shrug off your seatbelts once he’s pulled into a space and parked, and he reaches to turn down the music before shifting in his seat to get a better look at you.

“So,” he starts, clearing his throat a little. “You are officially no longer my employee.”

“And you are no longer my boss,” you answer back, and a thrill buzzes in your chest at the statement.

“Which means,” he continues, doing his best to lean over the center console, “I can do this.” He barely finishes getting the words out before his mouth is on yours, your eyes fluttering closed, his kisses far less chaste than the ones you shared earlier. They’re open-mouthed and urgent this time, with Namjoon slipping his tongue into the heat of your mouth like he’s been waiting all night for it.

“Uh-huh,” you murmur between kisses, and then he dips his head lower, until his lips find the join of your neck and shoulder.

“And this,” he purrs before kissing you just as hungrily there, tongue-first. You can’t hold back the soft noise his mouth pulls out of you.

“Fuck,” you breathe as he sucks gently over the same spot, with just enough pressure to make you writhe in your seat. A shiver rolls up your spine when he hums against your skin, clearly pleased at your reaction.

“And, uh…” You slowly blink your eyes open when you feel the warmth of his breath dissipate, and he’s looking at you with his brow furrowed, as if attempting some difficult mental math. “Actually—” He reaches down for the lever to adjust his seat, and it drops all the way back with a graceless thud that makes a laugh flutter out of you. “Maybe you could take your jacket off and come over here?”

You don’t need him to ask you twice, and you’re moving quickly as you peel out of the thick material and scramble across the console to straddle him. You both groan a little when you duck down to press your mouth to his again, all of this suddenly feeling much more real now that you’re basically horizontal. His hands alight on your hips, tentative, like he isn’t quite sure what to do with them, and you smile against his lips.

“Touch me, Joon,” you instruct, and he does as he’s told.

His hands are warm as he slips them beneath the hem of your shirt, trailing over your skin until he reaches the band of your bra. When you hum encouragingly into his mouth, he keeps going, pushing the fabric up your chest so your tits spill free from their confinement. He cups one in each hand, and though you might’ve expected him to be clumsy or rough, given everything you’ve seen of him thus far, you’re surprised to instead find that he’s gentle, thumbs circling your nipples with just the right amount of pressure to tighten them into stiff peaks.

Unable to bite back your whimper at the heat that blossoms through you at his touch, at how much more of him you need, you pull away just enough to break your kiss, glancing up through the back window of his car to confirm the parking lot is still empty.

Namjoon groans low in his throat when you reach down to tug up the hem of your shirt, shifting a little on top of him to give him better access. He doesn’t hesitate, thumb still working at one nipple while he takes the other into his mouth, and your sigh of relief comes edged with a soft moan when he swirls his tongue over the bud of your breast.

“Shit,” you gasp. “Feels so fucking good.”

He pulls off with a wet pop to switch sides, and the slick heat of his mouth sends bolt after bolt of arousal through you until there’s a dull ache of need thudding between your legs. As you roll your hips in desperate search of friction, you can feel him beneath you, straining hard against the fabric of his jeans.

Namjoon pulls his mouth off your breast, letting out a hoarse laugh when you shift to drop your forehead against his collarbone with a groan, horny enough to practically be delirious. “I hate that I’m even saying this,” he rasps, “but I really can’t have sex in a car. I’m too—”

“Big?” you offer, and there’s a smile on his lips as he presses a kiss to your temple.

“I was going to say old.”

You can’t help giggling as you lean up to find his mouth with yours again. Namjoon kisses you a little while longer, lazily, his hands still kneading gently at your tits, until he finally tips his head back, heaving a sigh up to the roof of his car. “Okay, okay. You should go.” His tone is reluctant, like it’s the last thing he wants. “It’s late. And my jeans fucking hurt.”

There’s a self-satisfied smirk toying at your mouth as you sit up, tugging your bra and shirt back into place and not missing the bulge in Namjoon’s pants where your hips meet his. “I will take the blame for that one.”

He folds his hands behind his head, biceps and dimples on full display. “Damn straight.”

You lean down for one more kiss, letting it linger before you make your way back over the center console to retrieve your jacket. “Have a good night, Joon,” you murmur as you reach for the door handle, and when you glance back, his eyes are fixed on you, still heavy-lidded with lust.

“Get home safe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I have booze, as promised.” Namjoon’s voice echoes in from the kitchen as you kick off your boots and hang your coat up at his front door come Christmas Eve. The aroma hits your nose as your socked feet pad down the hall to follow him: the spice of cinnamon and clove, paired with a hint of citrus. It smells like the holidays, like home.

“Mulled wine?” you wager a guess, and he nods, turning away from the stove to retrieve two mugs from a cabinet.

“I halved the recipe, since it’s just us,” he explains, mouth pulling down at the corners as he starts to ladle out servings from the pot full of deep red liquid. “Still made a lot, though.”

Your eyes drift across the kitchen until they land on the two empty bottles of red sitting next to the sink, and that makes you pause for a moment to consider. “So the original recipe called for four bottles?”

Namjoon’s brow is furrowed when he glances up, and then he follows your gaze, and a look of delayed understanding washes over him. “Oh, fuck.”

Your elbows dig into the kitchen island as you press your hands to your mouth, as if to physically hold in your laughter. “Did you… halve everything in the recipe except the wine?”

His eyes drop closed as he nods, his answer a resigned sigh. “Yeah. Yes, I did.”

You can’t help yourself: all at once, you’re circling around to join Namjoon behind the stove, so you can take his face in your hands and pull his mouth down to yours. He makes a soft noise of surprise, but then his lips fall into rhythm, kissing you hard enough to knock the air out of your lungs. Even through the fabric of your shirt, his large hands are warm when they slide over the small of your back, and then they keep going, until you finally break the kiss with another laugh when he reaches his final target and outright grabs your ass.

“Not the reaction I anticipated,” Namjoon admits, paired with a teasing squeeze. “But I’ll take it.”

You look up at him through your lashes, pressing your palms flat to the firm plane of his chest. “A very wise friend of mine once told me that the holidays aren’t about every little thing going perfect. I thought maybe you needed a reminder.”

His dimples deepen as his eyes search yours, and his voice is lower in his throat when he responds. “I think that fool was just sayin’ words because a pretty girl asked him a question.”

Heat flushes your face as you smile back. “Well, they were very good words.” You drop your gaze to the pot on the stove. “Come on, I bet we can salvage this.”

Determined to save Christmas, you throw in another handful of spices, chased with a few glugs from a bottle of orange juice Namjoon heroically digs out of the back of the fridge. After a few more minutes of simmering, you take a tentative sip of the mixture to find it perfectly adequate.

“I guess we just have to drink twice as much now,” Namjoon quips, filling up two fresh mugs with the remedied wine. You raise an eyebrow back at him, as if to accept the challenge, while you tap your drinks together in a cheers.

By the time you realize that a double-batch of mulled wine and gift-wrapping don’t exactly go together, it’s already too late. The booze makes Namjoon’s big hands go even clumsier, the few presents he attempts an absolute disaster, and you can’t stop laughing long enough to be of any help. At one point he reaches up to cup your jaw for a kiss, but completely misjudges the distance, deftly knocking into his half-drunk mug and spilling the contents all over a tube of wrapping paper and the crotch of your jeans.

You dissolve into giggles until you can scarcely breathe, scooting your chair a few inches back from the table as he jumps up to grab something to soak up the mess. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” you manage to gasp when he returns, immediately focused on cleaning you up first. You wave him away as you get to your feet. “Seriously, it’s not that bad, it’s mostly the table.”

“Jesus,” Namjoon groans as he drops the kitchen towels in his hands onto the wooden surface, doing his best to soak up the puddle, though there’s no saving the ruined gift-wrap.

“It’s not a big deal,” you murmur as he turns back, once again examining the extent of the damage done to your clothes. A shiver rolls through you as his thumb brushes over the waistband of your jeans, and he grimaces a little.

“This is probably gonna stain.”

“I mean…” Your pulse starts to quicken as his fingertips linger where they are, and Namjoon’s gaze flits up to meet yours when you speak, clearly hearing a shift in your tone of voice. “I could just… take them off.”

A smile teases at the corner of your mouth when his eyes widen. “Yeah,” he breathes, then seems to self-correct. “I mean, uh. If-if that’s something you would feel comfortable doing.”

You’re already reaching to undo the button, and then Namjoon takes over to tug open the zipper and push the fabric down your legs, and your nipples tighten beneath your bra at the reminder of how gentle his large hands can be. His lips find yours again and you don’t hesitate to lick into his mouth, jostling slightly as you try to make out with him and kick your pants the rest of the way off at the same time. It’s graceless, but you manage to make it work, and then he pulls away from you to glance back down.

“It looks like a little got on your shirt, too.”

He’s right, you realize: there are faint purple marks splattered just above the hem of your long-sleeve, and you smirk as you look up at him.

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you did this on purpose,” you tease, and then in one swift move you pull your shirt over your head, letting it drop to the kitchen floor next to your discarded jeans.

Namjoon’s hands are instantly on your bare skin, trailing heat as they trace the curve from your hip to your waist, and your breath hitches as he ducks down to brush his lips over your collarbone. The low tone of his voice reverberates through you when he speaks against your skin. “I like to think I could’ve gotten you naked tonight even without being an accident-prone idiot.”

You run a hand along the line of his jaw, tipping his head up to seek a kiss, before leaning back to murmur, “I guess we’ll never know.”

He kisses you again, and the two of you stumble across the threshold into the living room, pausing along the way to peel off his sweater and then his jeans, laughing into each other’s mouths, just drunk enough to lack any semblance of coordination you might have otherwise had.

When you drop down to lay back on his sofa, you’re both stripped to your underwear, and you can feel the thick bulge of him, pressing firm-heavy heat into your thigh as he settles his hips between your spread legs.

Namjoon’s eyes roam over your body beneath him, and then he’s tugging the lace of your panties to the side to slip a finger into your drenched center, beckoning it up to rub you just right. Your mouth drops open as he traces slow circles against your front wall, and when he adds a second digit, you can’t help but whimper softly at the stretch. It thrums through you like your lingering red wine buzz, hot and thick and good enough to get lost in, your head dropping back on the couch cushions as your hips rock up into his touch.

“Goddamn,” Namjoon groans, and your eyes flutter open again to take him in, his gaze heavy-lidded as he watches his fingers disappear up into you, coaxing slick sounds out with each pump of his hand. “I had a whole plan,” he rasps. “To take my time. But, fuck, I really want to fuck you.”

“It’s okay, Joon,” you breathe, not sure how much longer you could stand the torturous feeling of his clothed cock grinding into your thigh, so close to where you want him. An ache throbs in your cunt, needy, plugged up with two fingers but still begging for more. “Just fuck me.”

Realization flashes over his face, and then he suddenly heaves a sigh, looking defeated. You have to bite back a noise at the loss as he withdraws his fingers. “I— there’s an obvious joke here, but. I don’t have any condoms. Or if I do, they’re definitely expired.”

It takes you a second to process the revelation, and then you reach up to pull him down to you, smiling when he hums surprise into your mouth at the unexpected response. Your lips linger on his, and then you tip your head to press a kiss to the slope of his neck, not quite able to maintain eye contact as you murmur, “I mean. I’m on the pill, and I’m clean. So.”

“Yeah?” he replies, and your nose bumps against his shoulder as you nod. “Me too. Well, I-I’m clean, I mean. I’m not on the pill.”

You can’t help the giggle that slips out as you look up at him. “Right, no, I get it.”

“Sorry,” Namjoon huffs a laugh in return, his face flushing a little. “I talk a lot, when I’m nervous.”

“I just thought it was an all-the-time thing,” you admit, and the color in his cheeks deepens.

“I’m just always nervous around you.”

Your mouth seeks his out for a kiss sweeter than the last, slower for his shy honesty and the hummingbird thrum of your heartbeat behind your ribs. The heat of his breath ghosts over your lips when you tip back to answer, “You don’t have to be.”

“So, you’re okay?” he asks, almost reverent with his question. “If we—if I don’t—”

“Please,” you insist, and it’s all the encouragement he needs.

With remarkably little fumbling, he drags the lace of your panties down your legs, letting you kick them the rest of the way off while he moves up to unclasp your bra. You slip the straps off your shoulders and drop it over the edge of the couch, then watch as he shifts to strip out of his boxers, freeing his cock with enough force that it smacks against his abdomen with a hefty thud.

You swallow hard as you take him in: long and thick, flushed dark. Big, and fuck, you want all of him; you can feel how drenched you already are between your legs at the thought of all that cock filling you up.

When you tear your gaze away to meet his, Namjoon is staring at you just as hungrily, and he brings a hand to pump himself a few times, to coat his shaft in the wetness that’s started to drool from the head of his dick.

“Come here,” he grunts, his voice rough-edged, and you waste no time straddling yourself over his hips.

Given his considerable size, you figured it might take you a second to adjust, but you want him so bad, the feeling of his cock stretching you open is all white-hot pleasure. Your fingertips dig into his shoulders as you slowly lower yourself down on him, inch by overwhelming inch, until your ass is flush with thighs.

Namjoon’s head drops back against the couch as you slowly grind your hips into him, his hands gripping at your waist to guide the movement. You can’t help the soft sound that flutters out of you: he just looks so good like this, white-blonde hair swept off his forehead, beads of sweat trailing down his temples and glistening at his collarbones, his parted lips full and kiss-bitten.

“Baby,” he groans as you start to move a little more intentionally. “Fuck, I’m not gonna last long. Tell me what to do.”

“Touch me,” you breathe, and you close a hand over one of his, guiding him down to your clit. 

Just like the night before in his car, his touch is so gentle when he begins to trace circles into the sensitive nub with his thumb. You can feel the slow-hum build of an orgasm in your core, drawn up by the steady rub of his hand, and you lean back to allow him better access, bracing yourself on his thighs as you rock along his length.

A moan rips through you as the new angle drags the head of his dick just right against your front wall, and it’s good enough to make your eyes roll back. Chasing the feeling, you shove your hips down harder, driving his cock into that spot over and over until your thighs have started to tremble.

“That’s it,” Namjoon grunts encouragingly, his voice husky. “Use me, baby. Look so good when you bounce on my cock like that.”

The words set every last one of your nerve endings alight, and you dig your nails into his skin as your spine arches from the pleasure. His thumb is still working steadily at your clit, and the heavy stretch of his cock has you so wet, you can feel arousal starting to leak down your thighs. Your pussy clings to him like a vice, a throbbing-tight heat, taking him to the hilt every time.

“Oh my god, Joon,” you groan, “I’m gonna come.”

His touch doesn’t let up, and you can feel yourself teetering right on the precipice of it, only able to manage little gasps as you drop yourself down onto his cock again and again and again, with enough force that there’s an audible sound of your skin slapping against his.

Your legs are outright shaking from the effort now, from how close you are, and then Namjoon ducks his head, using his free hand to guide your tit into his mouth. The swirl of his tongue laved across the tight bud of your nipple is just what you need to push you over the edge.

With a moan that’s more like a sob, you drop forward against Namjoon’s chest, sinking all the way down to bury him in your pulsing cunt as you come. He continues to rub you through the waves of your orgasm, breathing ragged in your ear while your pussy gushes around him, until you grab his wrist with a soft whimper of overstimulation, and he relents.

Too gone to get any words out, all you can do is take his face in your hands and kiss him. He rolls his tongue over yours, decadent, as his palms slip down to cup your ass. You groan a little into his mouth when he begins to shift you, your cunt still fluttering-sensitive at every little motion, but he manages to maneuver you onto your back while still keeping himself sheathed in you.

His hands move to your thighs, encouraging your legs to hook over his hips, and his mouth trails kisses down the valley between your breasts before he breathes against your skin, “Can I keep going?”

“Please,” you murmur, and it’s chased with a moan when he starts to rock his hips into you. You feel so full, so swollen from your climax that it’s like your walls were molded to take him, the crown of his cock stroking deep-deep over the place that lights you up inside, shooting sparks of pleasure all the way down to your toes.

Namjoon’s breath stutters on a laugh. “Shit, I’m already close.”

You tilt up to brush your lips against his, humming encouragingly into his mouth, and then he pulls back again, one dimple teasing at the corner of his smile. “God, I— wanna hear you say it.”

Somehow, you know exactly what he means. “Come in me, Joon,” you beg, fucked so good that you’re shameless for it, and you gasp when he bottoms out in you with his next thrust. “Fill me up. Fuck me full of your cum, baby, please.”

It’s like the words send him into overdrive, and he practically growls as he starts to fuck his cock into you forcefully, hard enough to make your tits bounce. Each snap of his hips punches a heady groan from your lungs, and you reach up to drag your nails across the skin of his back as he chases his own end.

“Gonna fucking— give it to you,” he hisses, rolling his hips one, two, three more times, and then you feel his cock twitching, shoved in as deep as you can take him. He heaves a final strangled groan as he comes, rope after rope of his release pumping into you to paint your walls, until you can feel it beginning to spill back down your thighs.

You kiss through the comedown, inhaling shaky breaths into each other’s mouths, your bodies still fitted together like puzzle pieces, sweat starting to cool in the places where skin is pressed to skin. Namjoon finally moves first, giving a grunt of effort as he rolls off the couch, and you throw an arm over your face while the world slowly settles into focus around you.

When he returns, it’s with a towel in hand, and you can’t help smiling as he cleans you up, trailing soft kisses along your collarbone in tandem.

His voice is soft, too, when he finally speaks. “Will you stay here tonight?”

You prop yourself up on your forearms to look at him, and a little glimmer of something lights up in your chest that you can’t ignore. The first spark of an ember, just enough to reignite a flame you’d long since believed to be entirely extinguished. But now he’s shown you: it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to be alone.

“Of course. We still have presents to wrap,” you say simply, and he huffs a laugh as he leans in to press a kiss to your forehead.

“Joon?” you murmur into the crook of his neck, unable to keep your voice entirely steady.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” you breathe. “For the magic.”

[butmakeitgayblog]

I think your understanding of canon Clexa and their characterization/dynamics is really spot on, which makes me really excited to read your canon story. The ask about canon Clarke being Loud made me wonder what your take would be on how their first time went? It’s obviously a scene that’s been written in fanfic a ton but since you seem to be against the typical “heda got fucked into a nap” narrative I’d love to know what the version of events is in your head?

Oh no, I do believe Lexa got fucked into a nap 😂

I just don't believe that was all that happened, nor that it happened the way a lot of people think 👀

Sorry in advance for the rant.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't agree with some people's fandom interpretation of Lexa being this ultimately hesitant/demure or reserved person. At least not when it comes to how she expresses herself romantically. Now, I'm not shitting on the people who do see her like that and have written her like that for canon by any means because it's certainly understandable given the way she carries herself overall. I do get it.

But to me at least, Lexa is not a reserved person. Not when she's interested in someone. Not romantically, and certainly not physically.

From the very second she decided she was going to go for what she wanted with Clarke - when she decided to be honest and active about her feelings - what did she do? How did she behave?

Well. She took the reins and kissed Clarke exactly how she'd been wanting to kiss her for days

She took command and pushed into the feel of it and chased Clarke's lips to stretch the moment as long as she could

Yes she backed off when Clarke pulled away and said not yet, but that doesn't negate the fact that she very much did exactly what she wanted to do. That doesn't negate the fact that Lexa slipped her hand through Clarke's hair and tugged her in by the neck and kissed the living shit out of her simply because she wanted to.

Now here's where things get jumbled up imo and where people kind of... lose sight of Lexa for who she is. Because after this comes the mountain and then the subsequent betrayal, and after that Lexa is left hanging in this weird love/hate limbo (Clarke's, not hers. Obviously.) Was Lexa reserved during that time? Yes. Because she was trying to be respectful. She assumed Clarked hated her and would probably never forgive her. She felt she'd already done enough damage to ruin any hope for a relationship between them, so all that was left was to be respectful and love Clarke from afar. (That's glossing over many instances of Lexa still, STILL, showing her affections outright i.e. touching her when Emerson charged at her, the vow, showing up to Clarke's room dressed like a harlot a relaxed woman who just happened to like showing a whole lotta leg. You get it)

Which brings us to the afternoon Clarke was going to leave, and my God the girl was devastated. She was holding it together because that's what Lexa's does. Because Lexa was used to losing everyone she ever cared about. That's just how her life went. But also she was trying her best to keep it all together for Clarke's sake. To not make the decision of going back to Arkadia any harder for her than she knew it already was.

But even then, even in her facade of strength for both of their sake, Lexa still gave in and showed Clarke the crack in her armor. Lexa was methodical in everything shw did, and yet still she let slip, "That's why I...". Because she knew. She knew Clarke would understand what she was saying even when she wasn't ready to actually hear it. She let it "slip" because if that was going to be the last time they were together, she needed to at least know that she'd put it out there. That Clarke could carry that with her forever, if she chose to.

And then Clarke fucking kissed her.

Not once, but twice. Lexa gave her a chance to pull and think it over because of how shaky everything still was, but then Clarke leaned in and kissed her again.

And Lexa didn't hesitate again for one goddamn second after that.

Instead she kissed Clarke deeper than she'd kissed her before. Ran nervous hands all over her and caressed at her wherever she could.

She held Clarke close and actually tasted her with all the hunger she'd been pushing down for weeks (whew, thank you Alycia😮‍💨🫦).

She quite literally took Clarke's hands and tugged her to her bed. Like??? Heda really said through body language "oh we are going to fuck" (but... sweeter)

Yes she was patient and gave Clarke a chance to say no because, again, she was still very aware of how tenuous this seeming forgiveness probably was in Clarke's eyes. But that doesn't change the fact that she made it clear what she wanted. She put her affection and her yearning - all of her vulnerability right out there for Clarke to take or leave, and she did it in way that there was no mistaking exactly what she was asking for.

But Clarke didn't pull away, and what did Lexa do?

She grabbed her again. She pushed their intimacy forward again. She tugged Clarke down to the bed and not only gave herself to Clarke, but also took everything she had wanted.

So you see, Lexa was never passive in her expressions of attraction toward Clarke. She was never truly hesitant when it came to physically going for what she wanted when it came to wanting to be intimate with her. She kissed Clarke and she touched Clarke and she reached out for her time and again without shame, only stopping herself when Clarke put a stop to things because Lexa would never take something Clarke didn't openly give.

Which makes me believe Lexa would've been even less reserved when she was finally, finally, allowed to do all the things she'd yearned for. Yes she'd given Clarke the control to begin with because they both needed that kind of reassurance in their intimacy, but afterward? When it was Lexa's turn to show Clarke exactly how much she wanted her?

I believe Lexa would've been exactly who she always was when it came to being in love: giving and expressive, unabashed in her naked want. I think she would've kissed Clarke until their mouths ached and tasted every drop Clarke had to give. I think she would've begged Clarke to moan for her just so she could have those memories of making her lose control to keep with her forever. I think she would've fucked Clarke like it was their first and last time all rolled into one, because as far Lexa knew, that's exactly what it was. I think she would've teased her just to see Clarke smile and then teased her just to hear her whine. I think she would've done everything to stretch the afternoon out even while knowing they were racing against the clock. And I don't think she would've felt hesitant about any of it. Not about giving herself entirely to Clarke, both dominantly and submissively.

Cuz yeah Miss Lexa was a very happy camper after round one

But she sure as hell still wasn't shy about having her own turn

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Cater, Ruggie: The Secret in a Smile

Caycay, bestie… I am so sorry that SSR Crowley stole your spotlight 😭 (Is that why Cater looks so Mean Girls in his groovy... He's seeking petty revenge against Crowley/j)

Some cute stuff from the vignettes that I wasn't able to include in this fic: Cater makes a reference to TsumTsums! He mentions being into this mobile game with cute round creatures. Cater also tells a story about a 5-year old girl giving him a flower after his club's performance at a cultural festival (omg, do they mean the one in book 5?!). Ruggie teases him and says Cater must have been that little girl's first crush 😂

A Tale as Old as Time.

“Ne, ne, Ruggie-kun! Check this one out~ It's all the way from the Queendom of Roses!"

Cater jabbed a thumb at a painting of a young blonde girl dressed in a modest sky blue frock and apron, a small black bow in her hair. She couldn’t have been older than 10 years of age, still petite enough to squish inside a glass bottle with a narrow neck. The bottled child was adrift in a sudsy sea, her face frozen in an expression of slight worry.

Ruggie took one look at the artwork, then wrinkled his nose. “Sure sucks to be in her shoes. What’s this even supposed to show us, anyway? Doesn’t make a whole lotta sense to me.”

"Not a lot from the Queendom does if you aren't already familiar with its topsy-turvy stories~" Cater placed a hand on his hip and leaned forward, grinning. "This one is pretty popular! It's about a girl that wants an audience with the Queen of Hearts. She gets lost on the journey there, meets strange people and experiences even stranger things on the way. This is just one leg of that trip!"

"Wouldn’t the castle be further inland? How'd she end up in the middle of the ocean?"

“It’s about the perspective of the shot.” Cater formed a frame with his hands, catching his underclassman in it. He pulled back, creating the illusion of sizing Ruggie down. “She drank this bottled liquid she found and that shrank her down—so really, the ocean isn’t that big.”

A grimace.

“Man, talk about no sense of self preservation. She just chugged an unlabeled bottle without a second thought. Must’ve been real desperate.” Ruggie paused. “Weeeell, not like I’m one to talk about being desperate. You really can’t afford to be picky sometimes. If it fills your stomach, it fills your stomach.”

“You’d drink it too, huh… I don’t think I could do that. I’d at least want to see how the menu describes it before I order—though I guess it also depends on how ‘cammable the drink is! And hey, think about all the cool pics I could grab from a worm's eye point of view!”

"Heh, you don't seem too pressed about living life as an ant."

"Cay-kun likes to look on the bright side of things!" he declared with a wink and a peace sign. "The lost girl... she worried so much about finding her destination, she forgets to stop and smell the roses. She overlooks a lot of the fun people she could have spent time with."

Hopping from place to place, missed people—familiar elements, resurfacing a childhood of being uprooted and dragged about. Never to fully settle.

A tea party here, a brief convo there. Just enough to keep him placated, but not enough to see beyond the surface of the looking glass.

His curiosity still left wanting.

She got into so much trouble, but didn't have any real friends to come and help her.

Sadness tugged at his heartstrings, but Cater's smile didn’t waver.

"... I can’t help but kinda pity the poor thing," he said quietly. Then, brightening in the next moment, "All her issues could've been avoided if she just looked before she leapt and made some connections."

“Yeah, she definitely should’ve played smarter, not harder. Maybe if she kissed up to the locals, they’d have come to her rescue." Ruggie shrugged. "It works for me and Leona-san."

“Right? A smile goes a long way to getting what you want!” Cater poked the corners of his mouth. “You totes get me.”

“Cuz it takes a trickster to know another one on sight.”

"Wow, it sounds so mean when you put it like that. We're not tricksters, we just know how to use our smiles to problem-solve~"

"Giving a word a fresh coat of paint doesn't make it any less shady. At least be honest with yourself," the hyena smirked.

“Eeeh, I’m always honest!”

They shared a laugh—Ruggie, a snicker. Cater, lighter, more bubbly, like a carbonated mystery drink. When the effervescence died down, he cast another glance at the painting.

Too big for her small world of the sea, too small for the big world that loomed beyond it. Trapped within glass walls. Curled into herself in her delicate chambers.

Her perspective and his, one and the same.

Poor thing, poor thing, poor thing.

Cater summoned his strength and bore the full brunt of his smile.

“I’m sure she’ll find what she’s looking for… one day.”

[inknopewetrust]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 [𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮] [𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌]

summary: the colors of life change with time, but the music that narrates it lives on forever in one, standstill moment of the 1990s where success and passion came tumbling down. Years later, the story is declassified.

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

warnings: minors dni (18+), this is based off of fleetwood mac/daisy jones and the six so imagine mid-80s and 90s rock scene, language, lil bit a spice, a whole lotta angst, enemies to lovers to enemies to…

In a world where words meant so much, it was difficult to find them at a time where they were needed.

The cool wire weaved against your skin. Its path crawling like a snake of retrospection from the bottom of your chair to your chest. There was a pebble of sweat threatening to spill from the top of your hairline in the hot California sun which made you think:

"Why the fuck did I ever move out of Indiana?"

But if you closed your eyes, you could recall why. A sickening, thunderous roar of the crowd–you could still hear it now. Somewhere, thumping in the back of your mind as their chants filled a space that breathed a new life within you as the another was dying.

An echo chamber of the taste of metal against lips; the white knuckle grip that still threatened to slip from your grasp.

The woman who sat across from you had a plastic smile on her lips. For her, it was nothing more than a job. An exploitive adventure where you'd be sticking headlines and messages across platforms for weeks to come because of this tell-all documentary.

"When did you know?"

Against cynicism the inevitable hardness of the culture you had immersed yourself in at one time had risen again and the attitude that rose promised a truthful reflection of your experience.

On the floor beside the mics battery pack, a half smoked carton of cigarettes met a glazed palm and the woman watched as a perfectly rolled stick land between two mauve lips. As the flame sparked, your eyes darted to hers.

"Know what?" you muttered between the smoke.

“When it was finally over?”

You could feel the breath being sucked out of your soul. The shudder radiating like a shutter letting rain inside of the home in the canyon; kissing the very center of a heartbeat that stopped at the sight of a pair of eyes, shoes peaking through a doorway.

The cigarette burned between your fingers. Ticking away like a bomb with scorching red embers fighting its casing.

“The Album was the best and worst thing to ever happen to any of us… that sounds ridiculous,” you scoffed, shaking your head and the woman quirked her head.

“It sounds ridiculous that something so magical, something so brilliant, can make those who built it feel small. It put us in a fishbowl and it took every last drop from our cup before it dried up and cracked under the heat… that's when I knew it was over."

She shifted in her seat, readjusting the papers to organize her thoughts. You imagined there was no sounder way of stating it. It was the truth, frank, and to the point but something the rest of them negated to realize or speak into words.

But she shook her head. “Yes, the band… but what of the relationships?”

“None of us had known about Steve and Nancy, Robin and Vickie had barely interacted until their writing began and by the end… well you can read plenty of articles about the end of it all.”

You drew from the cigarette again. Smoke filling the air around you like a mist; the woman kept digging.

“And Eddie and yourself?”

“Well…”

That heart-skipping beat never left. Laurel Canyon was so far away, the studio was a memory, and the stage was a phantom piece of your imagination yet the simple mention of a name so far removed was enough to make time stand still.

Somewhere, a young woman frozen and left wondering the "what if" of a life not shrouded by fanatics and the thrumming of a guitar. Somewhere, lost in the violence of a summer and the shattered glass of a heart left on a stoop, that girl remained inside.

“It was always complicated.”

“So,” she shrugged at you as if the conversation was nothing more than such. It wasn’t as though she was here to get all the details of every part of a life that had already played out in public if people had only been paying attention.

It wasn’t as though she was cracking open a mountain full of jeweled memories that had crystalized themselves in the past.

“When did it all go wrong?”

Feeling the sting of the camera focus on your face, there were two responses to this question that many had already answered before you:

"When did it all go wrong?" You lamented to yourself.

When did you know it was over? When did it all go wrong?

The woman's eyes glistened in excitement. Her story was unraveling before her. You took a drag again.

Fuck. You thought to yourself.

And the film began to play.

A/n: I'm excited to get back in the writing game - especially with Eddie. Let me know your early thoughts! Yay, nay, slay?

[genderlessghoul]

Thinking thoughts of transmasc Phantom's first experience with trans tape and it goes horribly wrong. Luckily, a certain fire ghoul finds him in his time of distress.

IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO GET THIS LONG WOAH.

Anyway, t4t Phantom and Dew fluff below the cut, with mention of trans Rain (everyone's trans, heck yeah) nothing sexual but they do be naked. Nothing graphic but Phantom do be getting scars in the long run.

This entire thing was a stupid idea. The idea of not having to wear an extra article of clothes to hide his chest had been very appealing, so was the thought of not having to reposition himself in a binder all day. He also had liked the prospect of getting to wear his binding equipment for a few days. But now it all seems like the worst decision he's made possibly ever.

He's on his second day with the tape on. It was fine the day before. It started being uncomfy during the evening but it didn't really bother him until that morning. He pulled through the entire day and every second he could feel the adhesive pull on his skin in the most uncomfortable way possible.

The decision was made right after dinner to take it off. His skin needed to breathe. The pull was painful when he entered the bathroom and now, 20 minutes later, it's unbearable. He needs the tape off yesterday. But he only got one tiny piece off and it felt like he was skinning himself alive. And he's supposed to do that for what, 7 more strips? He might just keep them on for the rest of his life, it's less painful than removing them.

He conciders it but he can't. He can't bare the feeling of anything touching his skin anymore. He tries to go back to removing the strips but it hurts too much, he's just making pathetic pained sounds while he pulls slowly, millimeter after millimeter. He's vaguely aware that his cheeks are wet but he doesn't know when he started crying.

Before long, he's on his knees on the cold bathroom floor, crying softly out of pain and frustration. Holding his head in his hands because he can't bare to remove the tape but he can't bare not to do it.

"What the fuck?"

Phantom about jumps out of his skin when he hears the voice. He turns around to find Dewdrop standing in the doorway. More like leaning against it, arms crossed over his chest. The quintessence ghoul didn't close the door but he didn't think he'd have to, as the only way in is through his own bedroom.

"You scared the living shit out of me, what the fuck are you doing in my room?" he's trying to hide the obvious shake in his voice with a dry tone, scrambling to dry his face with his sweaty palms. The last thing he needs right now is for Dew to make fun of him.

"We share a wall, dumbass, I could hear your whining. Decided I'd come check out the situation for myself. Now what do we have here?"

The fire ghoul walks up to the other and offers a hand to pick him off the floor. Once on his feet, Dew grabs Phantom by his shoulders to gently coax him into turning to the right, then to the left, taking the time to examine the pieces of athletic tape glued to his side. Phantom knows he looks ridiculous. The tape is that wanna-be flesh tone colour that doesn't look real on any human, much less on a ghoul with such dark grey skin and such bright white patches. The job is uneven, he couldn't get both sides to matches. The tape is full of ugly wrinkles that make his skin itch. Truly a poor sight to witness.

"Tried tape for the first time? Not too bad I guess... There's a whole lotta wrinkles in it though, it's not gonna be a fun time removing it."

Phantom's eyes glue to the floor at that last part and the fire ghoul catches onto it. A concerned and puzzled look paints itself on his face as he turns the younger ghoul around one more time. There in his back, he can see a bright red spot right in the middle of one of the quintessence ghoul's white patches, directly next to the tape.

"You absolute idiot. Are... Are you trying to remove it raw?"

"I figured it was like a bandaid, I could just peal it off... Obviously not." he speaks softly. Dew turns him around one last time and grabs his face to force him to make eye contact.

"Why in all seven circles of Hell would you not ask me about it? Or Rain? You can't just peal it off, you're gonna take your entire back, sides and tits out with it!"

"I don't know, I just didn't think there was anything more to it."

The fire ghoul lets him go with a sigh.

"Okay just... Just stay there, don't touch anything. I'll be back in a couple minutes, okay?"

"Yeah okay."

Dew leaves and Phantom thinks he might start to cry again. The whole pack would know in a matter of seconds, they'd surely laugh at him in the morning for his pathetic attempt. He stares at the singular piece of tape sitting on his bathroom counter, the only one he managed to remove. He should have asked Dew about it, about the entire process really, but he was so scared of being made fun of for needing help with a task that sounded so simple.

The fire ghoul returns soon enough, he's armed with a bottle of some liquid and one of his own towel. There's a couple other things in a pouch that he sets on the counter top.

"Get in the shower, we're gonna oil you up like a rotisserie chicken."

"What?"

Dew rolls his eyes. "This is baby oil, it helps break down the adhesive in the tape. I don't wanna make a mess of your bathroom floor so get in the shower!"

"They make oil out of babies???"

Phantom looks completely horrified and Dew's thoroughly unamused. "It's made for babies, dipshit."

"... Oh."

He strips out of his pajama pants and boxers and slips into the shower. The fire ghoul follows suit after removing his own clothes. He jumps straight into his task, uncapping the bottle and lining the lip with the top of Phantom's tape, letting the oil soak through the offending material. He glides the bottle slowly over the entire lenght of one side of the quintessence ghoul's body, then repeats on the other side. Dew restarts the process a few times, each time lower on the tape, until every part of it looks soaked.

"I'm gonna work the oil into the tape, just to make sure it's completely soaked throught. Let me know if any spot hurts in particular, okay? You probably have a fair amount of blisters and raw skin under there, I don't wanna hurt you more than I have to."

Phantom nods and Dew discards the bottle on the shower floor. He starts gently massaging the tape, starting in the back and moving slowly towards the front. He sees the way Phantom winces when his fingers press into the very back on the strips and tries to soften his motions.

"You shouldn't stretch the tape so much in the back. The first and last inch of a strip serve kind of as anchor points, don't stretch them or you're not gonna have a fun time." Dew offers his quintessence ghoul some advice as he works.

"Huh uh" Phantom elects to rest his head on the other's shoulder, inhaling his scent to distract from the accidental self-inflicted pain. He smells like wood smoke and fresh cinnamon rolls, a lot sweeter than usual. Dew's fingers work over a few wrinkles.

"Put the tape on as flat as possible. Wrinkles will cause blisters. They can get really big and leave stupid ugly scars. They're also generally just painful so don't do that shit on purpose."

"Huh uh" Phantom knows there's no magic coming from the fire ghoul, nut he still feels like his touch makes his skin feel better.

Once he's done massaging all over the tape, Dew elects to run his fingers over Phantom's shoulder blades in a soothing motion for a while. The younger ghoul's head is still resting on his shoulder, his breath slowly stabilizing now that there's no immediate pain inflicted on him.

"When you want to remove it, you have to make sure you completely soak it in oil for a little while before. Any oil works, really, I just liked baby oil the best back then. Mount would scold me over using anything from the kitchen since you need a pretty obscene amount."

Phantom lets out a small hum as a reply and his hands move absentmindedly to Dew's own sides, his thumbs resting at the base of his scars. If getting himself in a stupid predicament is all it takes to get the fire ghoul's soft and caring side, he should do stupid things more often.

They stay like that for a little while longer before Dew's hands make their way back to the tape. "Let's try this again now, shall we?"

Phantom apprehends the pain when fingers lift the corner of a strip, but it never comes. It's removed slowly, without any real struggle. The other ghoul lets it fall at the bottom of the shower with a wet thump.

"See?" he says in a soothing voice. "It's a whole lot better when you do it right."

The fire ghoul whispers soft praises into his ear as he continues the job, slowly, piece by piece, until they're all sitting next to their fallen comrade on the shower floor.

Dew places a small kiss to the top of Phantom's head before detaching him from his sides. He discards the strips of tape to a corner with his foot and turns on the water, setting it to a comforting warmth.

"Now we just gotta un-rotisserie chicken you. Don't wanna get your sheets all oily."

"It's gonna hurt like a bitch if you scrub."

"Not gonna scrub I promise. Been there done that, never again."

He doesn't give Phantom a chance to argue before he's picking up the bottle of coconut scented body wash, squirting some into his hands and lathering it. He repeats his task of slowly working over the previously taped area on the quintessence ghoul's body. He's working as gently as he can but he still sees the way Phantom clenches his teeth whenever he reaches a blister or a spot of particularly sore skin.

Dew makes sure the ghoul in front of him is completely cleaned of any oil before he works the few spots where he got some on himself. The water is closed and he takes the other's hand to guide him out of the shower. Dew wraps him towel over his hips before grabbing another one and patting Phantom dry, still as careful over his sensitive spots.

The quintessence ghoul catches a glimpse of himself in the shower and only then does he realise how badly he messed up. Any white area of his skin that was covered by the tape is now red and inflamed, the darker parts no doubt just a bad even if he can't see it. There's blisters all over his sides and back, of varrying sizes but all with a disturbing yellowish undertone. The front of his body was miraculously spared that treatment.

"It's not as bad as it looks, I promise." Dew tries some reassuring words while he rummages through the pouch he brought. He takes out a small jar and a roll of gaze.

"You should've seen Rain's first try, I was patching up holes in his back for like months. He wasn't as lucky as you, I only found him after he ripped off all the tape by himself."

"Wait really?"

"Yeah that's why he has those dark spots there. He tells everyone they're really big freckles but... Don't tell him I told you."

Dew takes off the lid of his small jar. There's so sort of jelly-looking substance inside. He silently coaxes Phantom into lifting his arms up so he can apply a fair amount over his wounds and sore skin, wrapping his entire chest with gaze once he's done.

"There. That should help everything heal faster."

"Thank you."

"Oh, don't mention it. I wasn't about to let you skin yourself alive. Now you know how to not do things next time."

"I'm really not concinced I want there to be a next time."

"Hey," he takes Phantom face in his hands once more "we've all been there. Binding correctly, especially with tape like that, it's a learning curve. Especially if you have no one to teach you. Or if you decide that you don't need to be taught. Just ask us for help next time, okay?"

"Yeah, okay..."

Dew places a soft kiss on the quintessence ghoul's lips before letting go of his face. "Come on, I'm getting hella tired."

He grabs Phantom by the hand and all but drags him to his bed. The fire ghoul lays on his back and encourages the other to lie on top of him, on his stomach so that he's not squashing any blister.

Phantom's head comes to rest on Dew's chest, hearing the consistent beat of his heart. Warm arms wrap themselves around his middle and start rubbing at his lower back.

"Sorry I ruined your evening. You probably plans that didn't involve having to rescue me from tape, of all things."

"Don't worry about it, baby boy." he plants another kiss in his hair and Phantom kicks up a purr at the pet name.

"I'm just glad I didn't catch you with fucking duct tape or some shit."

[winchestergirl2]

February Reading Recs

To show some love and appreciation to all the amazing writers here on tumblr, here are all the fantastic fics I've read this month. 💖

Many of these fics and blogs are 18+ only, and NSFW please heed the author's individual fic warnings and requests regarding no minors. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

2023 Reading Recs | 2024 Reading Recs

Walker

Cordell Walker

Quieting the Demons Inside @idreamofplaid

Authors Summary: Cordell opens up to the reader, and his vulnerability takes their relationship to the next level.

Privacy @idreamofplaid

Authors Summary: Cordell is a passionate man, but he’s a dad too. It doesn’t mean he has to choose between the two.

Texas Nights @stefanmikaleson1864

Dawsons Creek

CJ Braxton

Something Like This @thebiggerbear

Authors Summary: A Nor'easter hits Boston and luckily for you, you don't have anywhere you need to be except right here snuggled up with CJ.

My Bloody Valentine

Tom Hanniger

Lonely Dancers @mind-empty-just-fictional-people

Authors summary: when your boyfriend cheats on you, it leads you to tom hanniger

10 Inch Hero

Boaz Priestly

Code Red @zepskies

Authors Summary: When you call him for help, Priestly realizes that he finally has the relationship of his dreams.

High School Never Ends Part 1 | Part 2 | @illshakeyouallnightlong-dean

Supernatural

Dean Winchester

Hollow @thoughtslikeaminefield

Authors Summary: @winchesterxfamilybusiness​ submitted this prompt to @cabin-fever-bang​ “Would anyone be willing to write something with Dean [or Jensen] x reader to the song Love on the Brain by Rihanna -xx”

Fire & Rain Masterlist @writercole

Authors Summary: When a fire destroys her place to live, Y/N and her daughter Lana are left with nowhere to go and no one to count on, except the kindness of a beautiful, green-eyed firefighter that saved their lives. Will the pair of them make it through the obstacles life has dealt them or will they crash and burn?

Just Another Day @1000roughdrafts

Authors Summary: Fluffy Dean x female!reader Valentine's Day post

Don't Forget It @hintsofhoney

Authors Summary: While working a case with Dean, he gets jealous of the way you interact with a suspect and decides to remind you who you belong to.

Sam Winchester

You're On Your Own Kid Part 1 @my-proof-is-you

Authors Summary: You’re used to being on your own. You’d been on your own as long as you could remember. Could Sam show you that it isn’t the only way to live?

Untitled Sam Winchester Fic @supernaturalfreewill

Big Sky

Beau Arlen

Febuwhump Day 10 @luci-in-trenchcoats

Febuwhump Day 14 @luci-in-trenchcoats

Febuwhump Day 21 @luci-in-trenchcoats

Whole Lotta Love @deanbrainrotwritings

Authors Summary: beau finds a way repays the reader after taking care of him when he’s injured, but also to apologise for worrying her. but most importantly, to prove he was okay.

The Way We Fall In Love @smellingofpoetry

Authors Summary: This is the story of how they fall in love.

The Boys

Soldier Boy

Febuwhump Day 12 @luci-in-trenchcoats

Side Effects of Soldier Boy @tom-whore-dleston

Authors Summary: Soldier Boy tries to keep you quiet during sex.

Smallville

Jason Teague

Febuwhump Day 7 @luci-in-trenchcoats

[dopelavender]

Trapped by your love | Eddie Munson x Reader

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A/N

Pairing: Eddie Munson x female!reader

Summary: Eddie breaks up with the reader because he feels he doesn't deserve her :(

Word count: 2.8 k

Warnings ⚠️ : Angst, a whole lotta angst; alcohol consumption, and more angst ig??

Note: hi my lovelies! let me know if you want part 2, so we don't end it on a cliffhanger and I can bring some joy into your lives after all this angst! enjoy! ♡ XO

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Your eyes are closed. The cool night air is vibrating around you, alive with the energy of dozens of teenagers in motion, trying to drown their sorrows in cheap beer and good music. Every beat is rushing through you, pumping your blood and electrifying your muscles. Your movements are fluid, hands up in the air, letting themselves be led by the sweet melody that’s flooding your ears, blocking out everything else.

“We are strong

No one can tell us we're wrong

Searching our hearts for so long

Both of us knowing

Love is a battlefield.” 

Pat Benatar’s emotional words resonate with your heavy heart. They fill your head, substituting the loud thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past months .All you want to feel is this moment, because anything else would hurt too bad.  As if thinking that you’ve forgotten about them for too long, yesterday’s memories crawl their way back into your mind. You chug your warm beer, trying to make them go away but they’re still there, making your chest tighten. Oh god, not now, you think. The crowd suddenly becomes suffocating. You elbow and push your way through the sweaty bodies, making your way inside to the pub’s tiny bathroom. 

The door shuts behind you with a slam, as your hands harshly grip the cold sink tile beneath them. Your head drops, arms shaking as tears start streaming down your face. It’s been too long since it happened, you should be fine by now. But wherever you go, whatever you do, he’s always in the back of your mind. The music is now a muffled sound, but you still manage to make out the words that twist the knife in your heart

“ You're making me go

Then making me stay

Why do you hurt me so bad?

It would help me to know

Do I stand in your way

Or am I the best thing you've had?” 

It’s hard to enjoy the party. It’s hard to think straight. It’s hard to stop crying. It’s hard to breathe….without Eddie.  

March 1986. 6 months earlier

“So what are you saying?” There was no way this could be happening right now. You try and remain stoic, but it’s impossible. Your tone was getting louder, emotions pouring out of every word. Maybe you just hadn’t understood what he was telling you. Sometimes things get mixed up without us wanting them to. You sit on the couch in Eddie’s living room, trying to work out the reason he was saying these things. Playing with your hands, you squeeze them tightly in hopes of grounding yourself. 

“I’m saying… I- I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Eddie was leaning against the wall, his eyes glued to the floor. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you. If he saw your beautiful face, the face he loved more than anything in this world, he knew he couldn’t go through with it. But because he loved you so much, he had to. He had to put an end to it. It wasn’t going anywhere. You had just graduated, top of your class. You could go to any college you desired, yet you chose to stay here in Hawkings, with him. Your future was glistening brightly ahead of you, and all he was doing was slowly dimming the light, until there was nothing left but despairing darkness. 

His fate had been decided by the family he was born into. His mother bailed out before he could even remember her face and his old man had been in and out of prison his whole life. Uncle Wayne had been the only form of parental love the boy had ever known and he was breaking his back day in, day out, to put food on the table. Society hadn’t been kind to him either. He was hated and labelled as a freak. Eddie knew his life wouldn’t amount to anything big. As much as he despised it, he could slowly see himself turning into his father. After all, he was a worthless drug dealer, repeating his senior year for the third time, wasn’t he? He selfishly allowed himself to fall in love with you. But how couldn’t he, when you were the most precious soul he had ever met? Not falling in love with you seemed like a challenge many a man have failed yet and yet again. In the end, he had to face the truth: you were just too good for him, and nothing would change that. 

“Eddie...I-I don’t understand...Did I do something?” You look up at Eddie with your heart silently breaking, wondering where it had all gone wrong. The room starts to feel too small. You get up from the old couch, grabbing Eddie’s hand to make him look at you. But he doesn’t. His eyes stay focused on the floor, curly locks of hair falling over his face, hiding the tears that were starting to build in his eyes. “Please, please just tell me what it is so we can fix it. We can fix anything, baby. Just please tell me, Eddie…” You let go of his hand and bring both your hands to his chest, sliding them up to cup his face. He gently removes them and pushes you away, his eyes finally meeting yours. Eddie’s heart sinks as he looks at you, fully transparent, with fear and sadness written all over your face. Fear and sadness he had caused. 

“This just isn’t working. We’re not working anymore.” That’s a lie, he thinks The words leaving his mouth were in complete antithesis with his feelings. But he knows if he told you the truth, the real reason he was breaking up with you, you would never accept it. So he had to sell it, somehow. 

“What do you mean?” Should you have known he was feeling this way? Now, when you think about it, Eddie had been distant these past few days. No cuddles, barely there kisses and fleeting, superficial touches. You didn’t think much of it, blaming it on your conflicting schedules. He was busy playing shows since his band “Corroded Coffin” started getting recognition around Hawkings and you were busy at the diner, working extra shifts to earn some more money, since you and Eddie had been talking about getting a place together. But it seems there was more to it than you thought. You close your eyes, take a deep breath in and slowly let it out as you prepare yourself for the worst “Do you not love me anymore?”

His gaze shifts uncomfortably, looking everywhere he possibly can just to avoid your eyes, now open and expecting an answer. Of course I love you! I love you so much it hurts, he thinks. Even so, he doesn’t say that. Instead, he lies to you “No. I don’t”. 

Your eyes close again, you can’t seem to keep them open for too long. The reality you were faced with was just too agonising. You feel your nails digging into the flesh of your palms, your hands curled into tight fists. The pain will hopefully wake you up from this horrible nightmare. And when you wake up next to Eddie, he’s going to kiss your wet cheeks and whispers sweet nothings in your ear until you fall back asleep, safely wrapped in his arms, the way you did a hundred times before.  

But this time, the nightmare doesn’t stop as you open your eyes. 

“I think you should go” his head leans against the wall behind him, his Adam’s Apple moving up and down as he tries to undo the knot in his throat that’s making it hard for him to talk. Please don’t leave me, he thinks. Please see through my act. You always said you could read me like a book. So do it now, sweetheart. Read me. 

“I’m not going anywhere” That’s my girl, Eddie thinks “I’m not going anywhere until you look me in the eyes and you tell me you don’t love me anymore” You see his head snap down, jaw clenching as he searches your face carefully. You swear you can see a shadow of fear in his eyes. Why would he be afraid, when he’s the one ending things so carelessly? 

Oh no, oh no no no, he rages inside his head. Please don’t make me do that. I can’t do that, Y/N...

Your eyes never leave his face, waiting for Eddie to do what you asked of him. This all seems unreal. He swore he would never hurt you, and you believed him. You believed him with every ounce of your being because he was Eddie. Sweet, kind, loyal, goofy, loving Eddie. You didn’t know who this person standing in front of you was. But it sure as hell wasn’t the man you fell in love with. 

He looks at you, even though you’re putting on a brave face, like you always do, he can see how vulnerable you are. Your hands come up and wrap around yourself. He wants nothing more than to stop this. To hug you and kiss you and tell you you’re his universe. 

“Say it” you raise your voice. “Say it Eddie, and I’ll leave”. And you would. You would leave his life, if that’s what he wanted. But only if he said it. You know that Eddie could never look you in the eye and lie to you. So if he’s going to say it, he must really mean it. 

Eddie pushes himself off the wall, stepping closer to you. You breathe in his familiar scent, a mix of cologne, cigarettes and weed, thinking it might be the last time.  

Don’t say it, Munson. Be selfish, he thinks. Say it was all a mistake, drop to your knees and beg for her forgiveness. As much as he wants to, he knows he’s doing the right thing for you. As much as it kills him, he has to make you leave him, because he knows he could never leave you. 

“I don’t love you anymore” His face is wooden as he looks you in the eyes. Confusion, anger and defeat infiltrate your bones. Your heart is scorched and spasming. He really didn’t love you. Your Eddie didn’t love you anymore.

He opens the door to his trailer, stepping aside to make room for you “Now leave.” 

Present day

A loud banging noise on the door pulls you out of your reverie. “In a minute” you yell and look at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were red and puffy, mascara running down your face. Well, aren’t you a sight to see? you think to yourself. You try your best to fix your makeup and pull yourself together before exiting the bathroom.  

There’s a line of pissed off girls waiting outside the door, giving you dirty looks and making rude side comments as you walk past them “Jesus, how much coke did this bitch snort?” a redhead snickers. You ignore them and make your way to the bar, ordering another beer. You feel a bit of tension being relieved as the cold liquid pours down your throat, making you forget about everything for just a second. As quickly as it went away, it all comes flooding back in. 

Breaking up with Eddie was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to go through. First, it was despair, excruciating pain that wouldn’t let you eat, sleep or do anything else than think about him. You called this the withdrawal stage. Every bone in your body was craving for him, and punishing you for not supplying. You figured you just had to sweat it out until he was out of your system. Although it was hard, you managed to make it through. But then came the dreams. Tortured dreams, reminiscent of your time spent with Eddie. You would dream about him laughing, embracing you, kissing you, making love to you, only to wake up heartbroken and alone, sobbing his name into your pillow. Now, it’s just this numbness and emptiness that never really goes away. It’s worse than the withdrawal or the dreams, because you’re starting to see things as they are. Before, there was a glimmer of hope that maybe you would get back together. But at this moment in time, you’re haunted by the thought of spending your life without Eddie by your side. And that’s something you would never be able to get used to.

These past few months have been a struggle trying to remember what life was like before Eddie. You go out with your friends, party, have meaningless one night stands and then do it all again the next day. It was all monotone, but for now, it was better than crying yourself to sleep. 

Someone bumps into your back, making you stumble forward. You grab the countertop for stability and turn around, prepared to snap at the culprit. 

“Hey, ass-“ your voice sticks in your throat when you see that familiar head of hair and that charming smile every girl in your high school used to swoon over.  “Steve?” you stare at him, dumbfounded. For the first time in months, you actually feel true happiness. 

“Oh my god, Y/N!” the very next second he pulls you into a tight, smothering hug, knocking the air out of you. As glad as you are to see him, and you truly are, it’s a bit difficult to breathe with Steve squeezing the life out of you.

“Steve-can’t-breathe…” you try and say, face buried into his chest. He lets go of you, but leaves his hands on your shoulders as if he can’t believe you’re actually there.  

“Wow, look at ya! I almost didn’t recognise you, and I mean that in a good way” he smirks as he looks you up and down, taking in your outfit. Your style had changed a bit since the whole…Eddie thing. The colourful, decent pants and blouses being substituted by darker coloured, bolder dresses and skirts.  

“So what’s up?” He finally lets go of you and motions for you to sit down in the stools. 

“Nothing much. I’m here with some friends from college. But what about you? You’re quite a long way from Hawkings. What brings you here?” You see him shift uncomfortably in his seat at your question, picking at the label of the beer he had ordered for himself. 

“Oh, uh…you don’t know?” 

“Know what?” were you supposed to know something? “Ohmygod, did someone die? Is it Robin? It is, isn’t it? I always knew that clumsy lump would get herself killed one day!" 

"What? No!" He stops your rambling 

"Oh, thank God" you look at him relieved, with a hand over your chest "What's the occasion then?" 

"Uh well you see-" 

Steve gets interrupted by a mans hand on his shoulder. "Hey Steve, they're gonna start playing soon so you should come now if you wanna get a spot in the front" 

"Right! Thanks man, I'll be right there" The man leaves and Steve's attention returns to you, his eyes still looking at you in a cautious and unsure manner. "Y/N, you really don't now who's playing tonight?" 

"No, they usually don't have live bands and if they do I don't really care much for them, I just come for the bottomless Martinis and the cheap beer" you laugh, but Steve seems to be far from amused. "Why? Who's playing?" 

As Steve opens his mouth to respond to you, he's interrupted by the sound of a guitar. An all to familiar voice speaks into the microphone, generating playback: "1,2,1,2…Alright, good evening ladies and gents. Hope you are all ready to rooock tonight, 'cause I know we are"

Your heart reacts before your brain, tightening at the voice you hear blasting through the speakers. Although you spend all your time fighting to forget that voice..it remains imprinted on your mind and soul. 

You slowly turn around, looking to the stage at the back of the bar. "I am Eddie Munson and it is my pleasure to introduce to you... Corroded Coffin! Let's get it boys!" 

To be continued

[rayalltheway]

Remember the Little Warrior AU?

Well guess what campers - we got a new LMK OC for it

She’s a newcomer to a whole lotta established lore so quite a bit of that is mixed in, but I’ll try to contextualize it easier. Character Description time (The events described go up to Season 4 of LMK) :D

Tiě hú

Alias: The Iron/Gunpowder Fox

Gender: Nonbinary She/her

Age: 2000+ (Young adult mentally/physically)

Species: Hulijing (Awakened Gunpowder Weapon)

Background: Tie Hu is no typical fox demon - she was once an ancient experimental gunpowder device crafted by humans, and through means of cultivation, eventually came to life. This might have something to do with her human makers being unknowingly being aided by hulijings, stealing her away for their own selfish purposes just as she gained awareness. Her time with the hulijings was throughly unpleasant, eventually getting discarded once she proved to be more trouble than she was worth. As technically a “thing” unable to remember the reason for her existence, Tie Hu was aimless until she encountered the leader of an isolated clan of demons, a gibbon named Bai Meimao, who took the young fox girl into her fold and showed her true compassion. Tie Hu would become a faithful servant to the Butterfly clan, utterly devoted to her lady (and to a lesser extent, Bai Meimao’s elder sibling Changbiyuan) like a loyal daughter. She would use her nature to hone herself into a deadly assassin skilled with gunpowder weaponry -- still taking it as her purpose to be solely a living weapon rather than an actual living being. But when a powerful bone demon came and destroyed her adoptive family, including Bai Meimao, Tie Hu was unable to fulfill it and was burnt out, forced into a lifeless state for over a millennia.

During this time, Changbiyuan had escaped Lady Bone Demon as a spirit, and eventually garnered enough strength and help to return to the mortal realm and avenge their family -- but was also left believing they were the only survivor of their clan. Meanwhile, Tie Hu finally woke up thanks to the sheer force of a powerful fire somewhere in the world...and unlike Changbiyuan, she’s not ready to let go yet. She wants her family back, and rumours of a scroll containing memories of the world might be her best shot.

(Concept sketches)

Soooo...she's basically an ancient version of a robot. A very explosive tempered, socially withdrawn and immature robot who wields guns, is made of iron, heat and gunpowder and hates the demons she’s modelled after, but yeah. I’ve already got a lot for her already, hope you guys are intrigued:D

(young design)

Oh, also she’s an oc x canon ship with MK. Anyways more to come on this fox girl ehehehh

Link to the LWAU master post

[0mg-bird]

Loom ~ R. Abbott x Fem! Reader

Summary: Rhett doesn’t know how long he can live with his tormenting thoughts while you live without him.

Warnings: Angst! A whole lotta angst, jealous Rhett= stupid Rhett, violence and language.

A/n: Inspired by one of my favorite Zach Bryan songs, Loom.

His jaw might fall out of its socket, the way he grinds his back teeth, back and forth, back and forth. Beer in hand, he’s watching from across the bar at the shape of you. Your Wrangler bell bottoms and little black top made you a sight for sore eyes, the way you spun around the dance floor with your friends had him in a trance.

Perry comes back to sit beside his brother, but upon seeing Rhett’s strong gaze, he follows the line of vision straight to you.

“Here we go again.” He laughs, making Rhett face him. “What are you talking about?” He asks, trying to act casual.

Perry gives him an amused glance. “I’m talking about the Tillerson girl.”

Rhett shrugs. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh please don’t do this act with me, it’s a beat horse at this point.” He says, huffing. “You ever gonna get over this little fantasy of yours?”

Rhett swallows hard, looking away. “It ain’t a fantasy, it’s ain’t anything.”

That was a lie, Rhett knew it. You were like forbidden fruit, so sweet, he was desperate to get a taste but how could he when you were you? Entirely too good for him, with a name that couldn’t be seen next to his.

He used to never consider you, not until you came back from college all grown. Now you were as sweet as honey, funny as ever, looking finer than any mountain view he’s seen. The moments you’ve shared alone, the unusual tension, the words that go unsaid, it’s things you think about often. But Rhett never made a move, and in those moments he doesn’t lift one finger to you, you can only think of the way your father and brothers ruined this love affair chance.

At some point you decide it was no use to pine for a cowboy who you pushed you away, so you were going to move on with your life.

Here you were now, dancing with a charmer. Your two step beat was fun, he was a looker too. While you two spun around, Rhett was clenching his beer bottle with a white knuckled grip.

He has this reoccurring dream sometimes, where you and him ran away and made a life of your own. He isn’t so angry, he isn’t feeling anything other than some type of emotion that makes him feel like he’s going through the floor.

It’s the thing that haunts him, it teases him to a life he does not have.

A life he’s afraid to admit he wants.

“I’ll be back.” Perry states, navigating his way to the mens room.

As Rhett is left alone, he finishes his last swig, then goes to get another beer.

That charmer you were dancing with has his hand on the small of your back as he leads you to get a drink. As you stand beside him, slightly leaning over the bar as you talk to the bartender, the man’s hand slips down your back side, playfully pinching and squeezing. You push his hand off, the action makes Rhett alert.

When the man does it again, leaning over to whisper in your ear and getting pushed off again, he steps back into Rhett.

“Hey, could you fucking watch where you’re going?” Rhett snaps, making you turn and face him. “Sorry, Rhett, he didn’t mean too.” You glare at your guy.

“You’re right, sorry.” He throws a half hearted apology to Rhett before diving to kiss your neck.

Rhett knows your awkward laugh well, the one you give when you try to be polite but are still uncomfortable. You give it to the guy you continue to push away.

It feels wrong, his hands on your body, his lips on your skin. It makes Rhett’s breath quicken.

“Hey, I think she wants you to back off.” He grabs the guys shoulder, pulling him off of you.

The man grows defensive, smacking Rhett’s hand away. “I think you should mind your own fucking business and not pay attention to what me and my woman are doing.”

You pause, taking a large step away from him. “Who said I’m yours?”

He chuckles lowly. “Oh come on baby, don’t start this teasing shit now.”

“How about you go fuck yourself.” You call back, turning back for your friends before he tugs at your arm.

Just as you’re about to gasp, Rhett is standing in front of you, gripping the man’s wrist.

“I don’t want to have to do this right here in front of everyone, but I will if you don’t get your hand off of her right now.”

The expanse of his back is shielding you, you can’t see his expression but you know it’s angry.

Your arm is dropped, deep fingerprints are left in your skin.

“I would’ve let you had a go at her after I was finished, all you had to do was ask.”

Those disgusting words fall from his lips and the next thing you know, he’s on the ground.

The ones around leap back, watching as Rhett tumbles around with this charmer you thought was great ten minutes ago.

“What the hell?” Perry shouts, pushing past bodies to pull his brother away.

The two put up a fight, but when Rhett gets pulled one direction and the man gets pulled another, it’s over.

You follow the Abbott brothers out the back door of the bar, Rhett’s still seething, spitting out a mouth full of blood. You slink back quietly, looking up at Perry.

“I’ll pull the truck around.” He tells you, making himself scarce.

“Rhett…” You’re tone comes out quieter than you imagined it would.

He looks at you with confusion and question. “Why do you do this? Why do you find the biggest assholes and hang on their arm?”

You wrap your arms around yourself, the night air colder than expected. “I don’t intentionally do it.”

Rhett scoffs, then pushes his hair out of his face. “Tell me what you want me to do.” He demands. “Put me out of my damn misery and tell me that you’d rather not think of me.”

Your brows furrow. “I don’t want to say that.”

He’s running his hands down his face, blood on his split knuckles. “Then tell me how I get this to stop. This-this back and forth, coy game we play.”

“What game?” You shout, stepping towards him.

“The one where we both know what we’re feeling but don’t do a damn thing about it!”

Maybe it’s the few drinks in your system that’s making you feel like dropping in tears. You blink them back.

“And what am I supposed to be feeling, Rhett? Stop speaking in fuckin’ riddles and just say it with your chest!”

He stomps to you. “How do I make you fall in love with me? How?” He demands, your bodies close in proximity. You stare up at him, not missing the way his chest rises and falls quickly.

“I would’ve fallen in love with you years ago if you hadn’t been so damn stoic. All this talk about our family feuds, about how you don’t bring much to the table and I need more than that…” Your voice shakes, you reach out to hit his chest with both of your hands. “You never once cared about my feelings, so why now?”

He takes the hits you give, though they didn’t really hurt like you intended them to. They hurt deep in his lungs.

“I thought I was doing right by you.” Is all he says, making the first few tears fall down your face.

“I would’ve loved you with everything I had, every fiber of me, Rhett.” Your hands are in your hair, then you take a step back.

“You would have?” He asks, and you nod. “I would…I’m just not sure about now, anymore.”

His heart aches, his fingers itch to reach out for you.

You wipe your face. “Thanks for intervening back there.” You say, then disappear back inside.

He watches the spot you just stood, and the overwhelming feeling of lost love, looms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: aghhhhhhhh this was so angsty omg. If y’all like it, lmk, maybe I should do a part two???