#and a month later he broke up with me EXCEPT. i didn't realize he thought we were dating (i am an idiot)

[maggotwithanf]

four more days til i get to hang with the bestie again

[rafesfavgirl]

with a broken heart — r. cameron

part 1. something a little more lighthearted to make up for breaking y'alls hearts :)

series: every few lifetimes

❝ i was grinning like i'm winning  i was hitting my marks 'cause i can do it with a broken heart ❞

pairing: ex-bf!rafe x fem!reader

context: after getting your heart broken, you pack your bags and leave the obx, only to come face to face with rafe again, eight years later.

words: 2.4k+

warnings: rafe and reader are aged up (26/27), old flames, FLUFF

"now remember, this client's a big prospect," your boss says as you follow him out of the office car and into the building you were scoping out today. "i guarantee if you can close this deal, you'll be well on your way to becoming the next junior partner."

"hank, are you serious?" you stop in your tracks and he looks at you. 

when you first left the outer banks for new york, you went to nyu without a clue on what you wanted to do with the rest of your life. somewhere along the way, you graduated magna cum laude and pursued law school at columbia. your first year, hank took you on as an intern, and by the time you graduated, you had a job lined up for you at one of the biggest real estate agencies in the world. and though you knew how well you did your job, becoming junior partner as a second-year associate was way beyond where you thought you'd be—it was nothing short of a dream come true.

"don't think what you've done for this company has been lost on me, y/n," he tells you. "you're an asset. i knew it since that first summer i took you on as an intern."

a smile comes across your lips. "well, i can't disappoint," you say. "let's close this fucking deal."

"that's what i like to hear, come on," he continues leading you through the building, until the two of you reached a tall guy with a buzzcut wearing a navy blue suit scoping out the place.

"mr. cameron," you don't miss the familiar name when you and your boss stop behind him, your breath hitching when the guy turns around to greet you both. "this is-"

"y/n," your name rolls off rafe's tongue the same way it always did, your heart beating so hard you feared it'd jump out of your chest.

hank's eyes shift between the two of you, as he shakes rafe's hand. "you two know each other?"

"yeah," rafe nods, his eyes set on you—he couldn't believe that you were actually standing in front of him. a part of him thought that when you left the obx he'd never see you again. "we uh— we went to high school together."

"well that's wonderful," hank smiles. "no need for the awkward introduction then."

except— it was awkward. you didn't just go to high school together. you fell in love in high school. and two months before you chose to go to nyu, rafe broke your heart.

"y/n here will be the one walking you through the contract, and hopefully setting you up with one of our best architects," hank explains to him, while you continue trying to process the fact that he was actually here.

what were the odds that he was the client you needed to win over in order to make junior partner? 

—

"so, does that all sound good to you?" you finish going over the contract for the building and look at rafe.

the two of you hovered over a table in the empty space that you'd spread out all the documents on.

"yeah, y/n, it all sounds great." the smile he throws your way makes your stomach turn in the worst way—making you realize that the piece of your heart that never stopped beating for him still existed. "where do i sign?"

"uh— right here," you pick up your pen to draw x's on all the lines he had to sign on, before holding it out to him.

he takes it from you, and you watch as he leans over to sign on each and everyone of them, your eyes trailing over how well his suit fit him.

he must hit the gym at least four times a week, you thought. he's grown quite a bit since you last saw him.

"there you go," rafe hands the pen back out to you, and you take it from him with a smile.

"thank you," you say. "you won't regret it."

"oh, i know," he nods, eyes scanning over your face. "i'd never regret anything that involves you."

you feel the heat rise on your cheeks, but you keep it professional, gathering the files on the table back into your folder. "well then, i'll leave you with the contacts of our architects and if you have any further questions, you can reach out to hank or any of the other executives."

"yeah, okay," he replies, hiding his disappointment in the fact that you didn't tell him to contact you with any questions he may have.

"it was a pleasure doing business with you, mr. cameron," you hold out a hand to him for a handshake and he stares at it for a second, before reluctantly placing his hand in yours.

"it sure was," he smiles. "but you know you can just call me rafe, don't you?"

"this is how i address all my clients," you tell him. "it's just the professional thing to do."

"yeah, yeah, i get it," he nods. "guess i'm just not used to it coming from you."

you crack a smile at his somewhat nervous stance—you weren't used to seeing him this way. "it was nice to see you again, rafe. good luck with everything."

"yeah," he grins. "you too."

you turn to walk away, while rafe stays back, scratching the back of his head in contemplation before calling out to you. "hey y/n?"

"yeah?" you ask, stopping to look at him again.

"you got any plans tonight?"

"rafe, i-"

"oh, come on," he cuts you off, slowly closing the distance between you two. "there's no reason we can't be friends, right?"

wrong—there were many reasons. one being that you spent years piecing yourself back together after he decided to give up on you. 

"let's catch up," he persists, his blue eyes locking with yours. "get a drink with me tonight."

despite your head screaming no, you agree. "one drink," you say, causing a smile to spread across his face. "ten o'clock. meet me at the bar on fifth."

—

the second you walk into the bar, rafe rises from his stool at the counter and waves you over. he had gotten there 30 minutes early to make sure you weren't left waiting for him—you'd done enough of that.

"hey," he seems nervous when you reach him, wiping his hands on his slacks before reluctantly wrapping his arms around you in a hug.

you resist the urge to giggle—it was kinda entertaining to see this six-foot-two tall man get nervous around you—and briefly return his hug.

"have you been here long?" you ask, taking off your jacket and taking a seat in the empty stool beside him.

"nah, just about five minutes or so," he lies, shrugging and giving you a lopsided smile, as the bartender walks up to greet you both.

"anything i can get you?" she asks, eyes lingering on rafe for a little longer than you.

"just a glass of whiskey for me," rafe tells her. "neat."

"and i'll just have a glass of pinot noir," you say, when the girl turns to look at you. "thank you."

"and you can just put it on this," rafe reaches into his back pocket for his wallet, and you cut in. "rafe, you don't have to-"

"nonsense," he shakes his head at you and slides his black amex across to the bartender. "i invited you out. it's on me."

the bartender picks up his card, and gives him a smile. "rafe cameron. i'll remember that."

subtly, rafe rolls his eyes and you hold back a snicker. "please don't."

the bartender huffs as her eyes shifts between the two of you, but walks away without another word to get your drinks and charge rafe's card.

you kink a brow at him. "you get bartenders flirting with you a lot?"

"i guess it happens every now and then," he shrugs.

"it's definitely the buzz," you tell him, as a different bartender brings over your drinks and hands rafe back his card.

"thank you," he briefly acknowledges him, before turning his attention back on you, an amused smile on his face. "you think?"

"yeah," you nod, bringing your wine glass up to take a sip. "it makes you look older— more mature. it suits you."

he cracks a smile, a small chuckle slipping out from between his lips. "and being a lawyer suits you."

"you really think so?"

"yeah," he nodded, taking a sip of his whiskey. "you looked so cute all dressed up in your little suit," those words make the heat rise on your cheeks, and you hide it with your wine glass. "i've never seen you more in your element. what made you choose law?"

"well…" you trail off, wondering whether or not you should tell him the truth. oh, fuck it. "after we broke up, i found out got into nyu. i was so… mad and hurt over you ending it that i packed my bags and i left, without looking back. during the summers, i stayed here and worked internships with the school just so i'd have an excuse not to go home."

he listened intently, a look of indifference falling across his features. a part of him was hurt at hearing that he'd broken your heart so badly you felt the need to leave, but the other part was proud. you really did that. figured your shit out and made a life for yourself—just like he always knew you would.

"after my second year, i worked an internship with a property management company in brooklyn. we scoped out places all around the city, and i don't know… i kinda just fell in love with it. seeing how happy people got when we'd found them the right apartment or the right space for them to start their business just made me feel really good. so i declared real estate as my major junior year and decided on law school," you continued.

"doll, that's amazing," he smiled, blue eyes twinkling. "which law school did you go to?"

"columbia," you reply, his eyes only widening in amazement. no words could describe the amount of pride in his chest right now. "but enough about me. what about you?"

"oh— uh…" he started and set his whiskey down on the bar. "after you left, i went to rehab. went in and out of that place for about two or three years… i mean, you knew how bad it was— wasn't easy."

you frown upon hearing his struggles with rehab and relapsing, but nod along as he continues.

"been clean for about four years now though," he shrugs, as if it wasn't some big accomplishment.

"rafe, that's amazing," you tell him, setting your glass down on the bar. "good for you."

"i had to," he nodded. "not only for me, but for dad, too. he was starting to talk business and expanding the company, and i just… i couldn't let him down. especially not after i let you down."

you glance down, no longer being able to meet his eyes. you knew that your past together had to come up at one point, you just weren't ready for it. mainly because even after all this time, there was still that little piece of your heart that never stopped belonging to him. it would always be his. "rafe…"

"i hope i'm not being too forward when i ask you this but…" his hand reaches out to touch yours, and you look up at him. "are you seeing anyone?"

"no, i'm not," you shake your head. "after we broke up, i didn't really date much. and even when i did, nothing ever really stuck."

that was enough to have a smile crack across his his, eyes brighter than you'd seen them in a really long time. "guess that makes two of us."

"guess so," you shrug, thoughts running through your mind a hundred times a minute as you try to find a way to change the subject. you weren't ready for where this conversation was about to go. at least, not yet. "but, uh— tell me about cameron development, how's that going?"

he chuckles at your eagerness to change the subject, as you sipped on your wine, but goes with it. he'd break you down again. eventually.

—

after finishing your drinks at the bar, rafe offered to walk you home since your apartment was only about a block or two away, assuring you that he'd just get a cab back to his hotel afterward.

and while a part of you screamed at you to say no, that little piece of your heart that still beat for him won over, and you agreed.

"well, this is me," you say, stopping in front of your apartment complex and looking at him. "it was really nice to see you, rafe."

"so that's it?" he asks, catching you off guard. "this just ends here?"

he takes a step towards you, making your heart pitter-patter, as his eyes scanned your face.

"rafe-"

"don't you ever wonder…" he cuts you off, his gaze lingering on your lips for just a moment before his eyes shifted to meet yours. "what we could've been? what we could be?"

"i-"

"i know i fucked shit up with you, a'ight?" he said, hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

the gesture threatens to make your eyes flutter close at the feeling of his familiar touch, but you keep your composure.

"i was young and i was stupid, and i thought you deserved better," he continued. "but y/n, there isn't a day that has gone by in the last eight years that you haven't crossed my mind. i think about you all the time, just hoping for the day you'd finally come back to the banks."

your breath hitches at his confession, that tiny piece of your heart that held onto him, growing three sizes.

"i know i don't deserve a second chance, i know that," he told you. "but i'm not the guy i was back in high school. i'm clean now, and i've turned my life around. i can be that guy for you now. the one you needed me to be all those years ago."

"okay," you whisper.

"what?" he musn't have heard you right.

"i'd be lying to myself if i said i haven't thought about you either, rafe," you say.

a small chuckle falls from his lips, which spread into a smile. "seriously?"

you nod. "come pick me up at seven tomorrow. let's give it a chance."

part 3 coming soon!!

i'm rooting for them tbh

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[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #27

27. FRANCE Slimane - "Mon amour" 4th place

Decade ranking: 103/153 [Above The Black Mamba, below Marco Mengoni]

Slimane has a very powerrful voice. 🙂

THE RANKING

Okay, FINE. I suppose I can't leave it like that. 🙄 Although I'd much rather would.

So *SLIME*-MANE. There's a lot to unpack and a lot I know most people will disagree with my takes, but oh well. I've ranked Joost low, and Mustii low, so it's only fair the Slimane fans get some scalding hot truth tea splashed in the face from this deluded overthinker. Disliking men is a much more productive way to run away from my problems than simpling them is.

So remember how I spoke about songs designed to Make People Cry? You know I hold emotional extortion in contempt. "Pity" is just a slightly more charitable way of looking down at others, and shouldn't be strived for. These anthems are inherently designed to manipulate the undiscerning into uglycrying while offering very little sustainance. Yep, we're here yet again. Another song that doesn't pass even a tiny bit of scrutiny, except in a language most viewers do not speak.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that "Mon Amour"'s francophoneness is what made many people sleep on the fact that it's not exactly narratively sound. Most people that I've spoken about ESC to that understand French haven't responded well to "Mon Amour" (lol one of my French friends bursting into chat all "SLIMANE REPS US? EW. HIS MUSIC IS SO BORING AND CORNY 😣" hours after Mon Amour's release passed without comment from any of us ♥).

The indifference makes sense when you read the lyrics. It's filled with cliche's that scream "I YEM ZE FR0NCH~", a little bit too much on the nose. If I thought "Évidemment" was bad, this is worse. Lines such as "reviens à Paris" and ''Es-ce-que tu-m'aimes où pas?" are such clichés they feel thoughtless and expected, like someone writing out the monologue on autopilot.

But what sets me off is the overal narrative. Slimane and France have attempted to retcon "Mon amour" as "the story of an artist reaching out to his fans, seeking validation" but that is not what the lyrics read out. Instead, speak of the aftermath of a broken romance, where SHE has had her heart shattered to a degree that she LEFT THE PROTAGONIST'S HOMETOWN FOR AN UNKNOWN DESTINATION AND BROKE OFF ALL CONTACT. Instead of giving her, you know, personal space or time to reflect, or even lick his wounds, he keeps desperately asking her whether she still loves him or not. Dude, I don't know her, and I know the answer is "no". Give it a rest, and move on. Sadly, Slimane didn't move on and spends a full three minutes wailing on about it. "I want her, I need her only her, why doesn't she love me". We know where this ends - with a restraining order and either her or him dead and dismembered inside a dumpster six months later. (Australia's jury of snarky yet emotionally intelligent gays picking up on this and ranking him dead last ♥ bless them ♥)

As you can perhaps tell, the above realizations completely KILL the romantic aspect of the song for me. I cannot, and WILL NOT get into its grief and sadness. All the parties involved should be GLAD it's over.

Instrumentally, the song's just... generic piano ballad, nothing new or innovative here. Dime a dozen, we've heard it before, bla bla bla. "Mon amour" is a nothingburger, an empty vessel for Slimane's vocal chops.

Which brings me to another problem I have with it - I personally don't really care much about technical skill? Eurovision is an audio-visual SONG contest, not a SINGING contest. It is cool that you can nail those masturbatory vocal projections. You're a singer who can sing. "Loud" however is a pitch, not an emotion. It would have been more impressive if you've also discovered the cure of cancer alongside it. (Curing tumors with vocal vibrations. Medical students reading this, get on it so I can be impressed by Slimane.)

Focusing exclusively on that though, is annoying to me. Good Eurovision entrants start with a SONG. "Mon amour" barely classifies as one. End off.

That isn't to say I cannot respect Slimane's vocal for what it was. I mean THIS:

is a feat only a few vocalists can successfully pull off. It is MORE impressive the first time you witness it before the laws of Diminishing Returns kicks in. But it was immensely clever to trial it at Dora and then include it into the song itself - it gives the performance stakes and gravitas, so why not?

However that brought the song's weakness even more to the forefront to me. My logic is the following: if you can pull off such a stunt, then why aren't you the immediate fave to win? Eurovision 2024 was the most open year perhaps of all times, and I'm supposed to believe a voice THIS strong cannot win it by itself? There are enough examples of strong vocals POWERING through merely decent songs (Céline and Corinne Hermès for instance) into a first place. If you can pull that off and still lose doesn't that prove your song is fucking shite?

Going into the contest I was HOPING to get something out of the live besides Big Vocals and also that France wouldn't morph into a direct contender to win (You would HOPE that 2024's varied and exciting line-up was competitive enough as to not crown a vocal projection exercise as its winner), and ultimately, I got both of my wishes because Eurovision 2024 was BORISVISION. I was the meta this year, bitches, and I think fourth place is a perfectly reasonable result for a vocal that strong on a song that nonexistent.

But more importantly, Slimane managed to inject his performance with EMOTIONS and good god I really needed that.

It took a LOT of effort from Slimane for me to recognize that yes, this man is cooking with gas, and his expertise elevates the whole package. "Seductive" is the incorrect emotion for the subject matter but whatever. Ignoring the subject matter is the only way you can enjoy the song, so if that's what one must to do end the night on a high note, so be it. I let it pass, with few regrets.

Like Nutsa, he served enough for me to respect him ~as a performer~ who deserved the result he got. Like "Firefighter", I still have some contempt for the song itself, and there's a strict limit for how Im i'm willing to place it.

Turns out that boundary lies at Marco Mengoni. "Mon amour" always felt like a lazy, soulless answer to "Due vite" for me, and I'm not willing put it ahead, nor to re-examine my stance on DV so quickly after my 2023 ranking. "Due vite" was a song that ultimately wasn't my cup of tea, but it was the superior composition, and deserves a higher mark.

So ultimately, I end with Slimane a bittersweet note. A man with the capability to win the Eurovision Song Contest, yes and who manifested his impending loss with below average penmanship. If the French are looking for someone to blame for not winning once since 1977, they can start with their failure to recognize their 2024 song needed a revamp.

THE RANKING (again)

[bibliophile-dendrophile]

okay so i fell in love with a guy when i was in 8th grade and he broke my heart and i was devastated because we had a beautiful relationship for a whole year and everybody thought we were perfect and i thought he was perfect and i loved him with my whole heart and throughout my grief, there was this friend of mine who stayed and constantly tried to make me feel better and he always made sure i was doing okay and after a year or so, he got a girlfriend and i started getting jealous and realized i actually had feelings for him but he didn't, of course but then his girlfriend left him and he was sad and i was sad and we just somehow became friends with benefits and did some shit after which i shifted and i was sad again and he stopped texting me and later i found out his girlfriend came back to him and i was in trauma and then i got into college, it was a huge blow because i felt like i lost everything at once- being with my best friends, school, love, everything, until one day when i started talking to this boy who was really cute and was so alone and lonely and desperately needed someone and i got attracted to him because i was literally the same (except the cute part) and after a while, we came into a relationship which was going amazing but after a few months, i realized that it was only attraction i felt towards him because i was so lonely and he wasn't treating me right and was being a burden to me, not letting me do things i loved and all that bs and i left him, now he's devastated, i'm free, feeling invincible, strong and what not until now, now now now now now i just feel lonely again and i texted my ex because he was a sad person back then and i didn't know why he was sad and later i found out i was not his first gf as he told me and that just made me mad back then because he LIED to me but now that i think of it, he just had some issues that i was too ignorant to find out about and i really understand why he did what he did because now i'm in the same place so i just sent him a text saying that i was sorry that i judged him when i didn't know what he was going through and thanked him because by breaking up, he actually made me that the world is not some pretty story book and shit happens and he taught me a lot of stuff and later i texted him saying if he ever feels like ghosting everyone and getting lost but can't do it because he's scared that if he gets lost, he will never be found and i knew it would resonate with him because for once, i actually understood him and he hearted that text and my heart bloomed at that and i'm so fucking scared of my own feelings what is wrong with me?

[ladyxskywalker]

sky lady late night rambles 🌙🥰

stayed up too late working on a crochet order for my small business

(Yes, I finally did it ! just starting out)

& at the same time, I was also on the phone with my boyfriend (he was telling me gossip from trivia night & funny stories about friends)

so we both got off the phone quickly because I didn't realize what time it was & I think he said real fast "go, go to sleeps, night night, love you, goodnight" so I said it back "ok, talk to you tomorrow, love you goodnight"

then the phone call cut off, so I wasn't sure if he heard me 😬 I was so scared !

but he did ! he heard me & texted me right after "love you too" 🥰

It made me so giggly & happy right before bed.

I'm so glad we finally feel comfortable saying it to each other & now he's been saying it more often without being afraid to express his feelings. 💐❤️

over the weekend, we were talking & he was holding me after I was confiding in him about struggling a bit & he just said "I love you, everything is ok, I'm sorry I didn't say it when I should have."

It meant so much because I was so worried he didn't feel the same. That was my biggest wish for him to love me back.

Sat will be our 1 year anniversary. 💌

I can't believe we've seen 4 seasons together, shared so many special moments & made a lot of loving memories.

June 2022, he was just "baseball guy ⚾️" here on the blog ! I saw him for the first time & didn't even know his name.

Dec 2022, he was "grumpy bb", & at first I thought that he couldn't stand me at all !

Jan 20th 2023, with a funny nudge from my best friend AR, we talked for the first time & hit it off immediately.

Jan 21st 2023, my phone broke & I had no way of contacting him. we were supposed to hang out on this day, so I went to the bar in person to wait for him. our best friend, "JJ"wrote his number down on my receipt for me, which I still have & carry with me in my purse wherever I go. The entire thing is faded except for his number & the date on the bottom.

Jan 29th 2023, we went for a walk in the cold winter & bonded over loving the movie "March of the Wooden Soldiers". We shared our first kiss, & my silly friends witnessed the whole thing. It was hysterical & wonderful at the same time.

Feb 2023, I gave him a special keychain of a plane that has meaning for us. Months later, he gave me a little blue pin with a plane on it, too.

Fast Forward >>> to Now 💫

We're pretty much inseparable. Sure, we've had our ups & downs, stupid fights & misunderstandings. No one said this would be easy or perfect. But I feel like we are it for each other & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jan 2024, he's my best friend, the love of my life. I feel like the universe led us to one another when we needed each other more than ever.

❄️💙

[haggishlyhagging]

On the night of July 10, 1963, I was talking to Rick on the phone. He had gone back to Utah to teach summer school at Utah State, and I'd stayed behind in Minnesota to have the baby at the university clinic. As I stood there in the bedroom of our mobile home with his voice in my ear, the membrane broke and amniotic fluid gushed hotly down my legs. "It's coming, Rick" I cried. "I'm on my way," he promised. Shirley Wallace, a Mormon friend who lived near in another trailer (and who would be in the same hospital having her third baby a week later), drove me to the hospital that night.

There I began an agonizing thirty-six-hour labor, during which it's possible I might have died if Rick hadn't arrived and forced someone to come and look at me. "Oh," they said. "How long do you say she's been in labor?" "Thirty-six hours!" he bellowed. So they checked me, realized I'd never go into the final stages on my own, and gave me some intravenous chemical to make up for my lack. I realized with shock that if I'd lived a generation or two earlier, I'd have died in childbirth. That experience was also the first time, but not the last, that I was made aware of the immense indifference of many who attend women in hospitals.

That Rick had dropped the phone and sped to Minneapolis to be with me was very gratifying. But he could never bear to wait, and as the labor dragged on and on he became annoyed not just at the doctors, but at me for having prompted him to come so soon, as if I should have been able to foresee my thirty-six hour long performance. On top of the postpartum blues, which struck me down while I was still in the hospital and subsequently tortured me for weeks, guilt was subtly created in me because of his unnecessarily long wait in Minneapolis, when he shouid have been finishing up his class at Utah State.

As I look back, I realize that women have always been manipulated by guilt. Men are socialized to deal with women this way, and we women are socialized to accept the guilt they lay on us.

After having been pummeled half to death in the preposterously and unnecessarily long labor, which it seemed nobody cared about except Rick and me, Eric was finally born. A wizened little old man. (I called him "Oldie" for a long time.) Because of his rocky horror of a birth, he was a colicky, restless baby for the first few months. As I slogged about in a fog of fatigue and postpartum depression, I found myself wondering why I had to bear this burden so alone.

From the first, Rick was never very interested in parenting and consequently never did much of it. This disappointed me, but I accepted it as The Way Things Are. My friend Hazel reminds me of the day, a week or so after Eric's birth, that I called her in tears. My breasts were infected, I had a temperature of 104, and Eric, not being able to nurse, was even more colicky and cross than usual. I'd reached the limits of my endurance. Could she please come over and take Eric home with her for a little while so I could rest? She sped over, to find Rick studying in the kitchen, seemingly oblivious to any problem, and me, dizzy with fever and fatigue, determinedly bathing Eric in the kitchen sink so he'd be fresh for her to take. She remembers being shocked and angry at Rick and thinking to herself, "It's rough for me," (she was having extreme difficulty adjusting to the Mormon wife role) "but Sonia's got it worse."

In those first few months of motherhood, before I succeeded in stifling such "unnatural" thoughts, I wondered guiltily whether it was possible that I'd been deceived about motherhood's being the totally fulfilling activity the church and society assured me it was. It didn't take me long to learn that this was indeed a myth for a good many women, if not for most.

-Sonia Johnson, From Housewife to Heretic

[drizzileiscool]

BIG GIANT POST ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE PLAYING TWEWY!!!!!!

CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!

NO I HAVE NOT PLAYED NEO YET!!!! I AM POOR!!!!! PLEASE DON'T SPOIL ME ON IT!!!!!! I've played some of the demo though!!!!!

I first decided to get into twewy last month. I saw that there was a switch version available, but I was unable to play that version. I did, however, have a ds emulator, but after talking to some people I realized I probably would've gotten arthritis playing it on emulator.

When I was just about ready to give up, I decided to watch the first episode of the anime. I enjoyed it a bit.

I was then told to not watch the anime.

So you may be wondering.. "How did you play twewy?"

I played the mobile version. Solo mix. Yeah that one. The one not available for current gen phones.

I found a link to a modded version on an old reddit thread that was updated for current gen android phones, and one of my friends helped me get it set up, and I was finally ready to play.

During my first few hours, I didn't actually like neku all that much. Honestly, he was a dick. i remember what you said about plushies, neku. i will not forgive this as a plushie enthusiast.

While playing the game, I was under the assumption that I would get to change partners whenever once I unlocked it. Rhyme seemed cool, so I was hoping to get to partner with her.

And then the game killed her off.

Despite not knowing anything about rhyme, she was still my favorite character. Besides beat of course, but that's later during week 3.

I remember that I was crying when I first saw her death. I was all like "why did they make such a cool character design, just to kill her off?? that doesn't make sense."

earlier today I saw a tweet on twitter that said "cute cosplay idea for couples!" and it was a rhyme cosplay and a shark costume and I nearly lost my shit laughing, so I guess I'm over it.

When week 1 was ending, I remember feeling like "wait, that's it?" of course, I was wrong.

anyways week 2 now uhh uhhhhhh-

when I first met joshua and learned that I could scan him I was all like "huh???". also excellent foreshadowing there, square enix!

also JOSHUA IS A FRUIT YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS PERSON ISN'T GAY JUST LOOK AT HIM

at this point, I didn't really know what to expect anymore. the game broke one of its already established rules, "players can't scan other players" so I had no idea what was coming next anymore.

SHO MINAMIMOTO IS HOT!!!!

uhhg. don't got anything else to say about this week except I genuinely thought hanekoma was the composer.

I was extremely shocked to learn that joshua killed neku during this week, and was even more shocked to learn that it was a misfire (and then I learned it wasn't a misfire but that's in week 3 and we haven't gotten to that yet!)

WEEK THREE!!! BEAT TIME!!!

alright, before I started week 3, I actually didn't like beat all that much. that changed a LOT during week 3. he is now one of my favorite characters.

later that week, I had finally learned joshua was the composer and was actually extremely shocked lol.

oh uh I also got spoiled on how beat and rhyme got hit by a car from ign so uhhhh oops

SHO SOMEHOW GOT HOTTER!!!!

I beat the game. I loved the credits theme (and will rewatch the credits later) and really liked how neku threw off his headphones to symbolize how he won't shut himself off from the world anymore.

10/10 game, really enjoyed playing it!

also there was a scene early on where neku went up to a reaper and said I know what you are and I didn't get to screenshot it :(

so.. yeah! my experience with twewy! good game! one of my favorites now! getting neo soon!

[lbwp]

Welcome to my gra/ey area

Welcome? Hi? Whatever the kids these days say. I say as if I'm not still technically a kid in so many ways. No, in truth I am an adult, I'm nearing 20 in just under two months. However I feel like I am still stuck in the issues of a teenagers mind.

Hi, my name is Cetari, and I'm asexual...I think.

For the larger part of my youth I swore off dating, I was a very independent girl, and I wasn't interested in being tied to another person. I also didn't experience the crushes that everyone around me seemed to. It wasn't until years later that I realized what that could mean. Even when I first dated a boy in middle school, I wasn't really sure what I felt was a crush, and ended up deciding I just liked him as a friend. There was always a grey area for me, between what was friendship, and a desire to be friends, vs what I thought meant I liked someone. I built all of my ideas off of the media I consumed, because what else was I supposed to look at. I developed sky high standards and expectations. I dated my second boyfriend when I was 14. He was my first kiss, and I could tell I liked kissing him, or I liked kissing. We never went farther than making out, he never tried, and to be perfectly honest it rarely crossed my mind. When it did it was in the context of not really wanting it, and hoping he didn't. at the time I attributed this to my age, and figured I wasn't ready yet, but would be eventually.

When I broke up with him, i noticed a trend. A trend of two, but all the same to me it was a similarity that could not be overlooked. Both of my relationships ended by my own hand, both because I reached a point where I seemingly lost feelings for the other person. Looking back 6 and 8 years later I have so many reasons and explanations I wish I had known then. But alas there was so much I didn't admit to myself for years. I didn't come out until I was 17, and even then I didn't(still haven't) really come out publicly. I tell my close friends, the people who it's relevant to, but really not everyone needs to know.

It took me so long to realize I wasn't straight, and I now think that it's because I am also ace. For years I would say I wish I could be attracted to women, because I liked them better... Girl who was I kidding, I think every one of my friends except for me knew I was gay. I now identify officially as pan for all intents and purposes. I think I struggled for so long because I didn't think I was physically attracted to women, without realizing I'm just not physically attracted to anyone. I had this assumption that I was straight because that's the human default right? (no stupid, it's not turns out) I just thought maybe I was too young to be interested in sex, and I never had anyone to talk to about it. My mom and I didn't talk about things like that, I didn't have any sisters, or older female role models.

So for the past 2 years I have drifted in and out of saying I'm asexual. It's always been an 'I think' or an 'I'm pretty sure'. Which is still where I am if I'm being completely honest with myself, but I'm about 99% sure. Unfortunately I have this nasty habit of second guessing the crap out of myself even when all evidence points to one answer.

So there's way more than you ever needed to know about me, enjoy, and don't worry, I'll be back with plenty more because this is a topic that has been causing a host of issues for me recently.

Sincerely,

Someone who wonders why they are the way they are.

[pagingdoctorbedlam]

ok so here's my idea

czerny taps horns/antlers with ebenholz and its just a gay little thing they do.

and hibiscus sees it and goes "what was that"

and theyre both like.. "uh oh that? oh. thats embarassing. you werent supposed to see"

(I've actually had similar thoughts before about Ebenholz showing affection through little goat-headbutts...but this idea is super cute. Now you've gone and inspired a ficlet. I hope you're happy. XD)

As with most habits Czerny had picked up since joining Rhodes Island, this one was Ebenholz's fault.

Czerny had never been big on physical affection. Hands to himself, content to acknowledge others with a nod or even a half-bow, not too keen on unexpected contact with anyone. Ebenholz tried to carry himself in much the same way, was nothing but unfailingly polite, but it was clear to anyone who spent more than five minutes with him that the Caprinae was starved for touch and attention both.

The first time had caught Czerny off guard. He'd been working on a composition, practicing a progression so quick he had to play hand-over-hand to reach the notes in time, when he'd felt a solid tap against one of his antlers. He'd startled, wracking his brain over what he might've accidentally hit with them (it had taken quite some time to get used to most of the landship's doorways), only to find Ebenholz standing there.

"You've been here for hours now. It's dinner time. Up with you."

"Right. Did you...knock on my antler?"

"You didn't hear me the first time, but I also did not want to risk being smacked."

Czerny almost retaliated that he would never, but then again, he did once accidentally give Chiave a bloody nose after the man had unexpectedly slapped him on the back. That had been embarrassing enough, though it also somehow earned the so-called gang leader's respect. A confusing man, that one.

He'd thanked Ebenholz, and joined him for dinner in what quickly became routine. Seemed that wherever Czerny might end up, Ebenholz could always seek him out if needed, and would always catch his attention by tapping one of his horns to Czerny's antlers. It was reminiscent of the Caprinae and Elafia children back home, often headbutting each other to play or get attention from their parents. (Not that Czerny had ever done the same...much.) Perhaps such was a habit Ebenholz had never quite outgrown?

Still, Czerny didn't realize how routine it had become until one day when he was asked to grab Ebenholz from the trading post. The young man barked orders and verbally cut down traders who tried to swindle him with all the authority of a former Graf Urtica, and Czerny certainly didn't wish to throw him off. So he approached quietly, waited for an opportune moment, and leaned over to tap an antler against Ebenholz's horn.

The young man turned, and broke out into a grin that somehow made his entire ashen-pale face seem bright. "Ah, Czerny. Is my shift over already? Forgive me for losing track of the time...shall we get going, then?"

Something about that expression did a funny thing to Czerny's stomach. He must've been hungrier than he thought. Surely that was all. He shoved the idea that it might mean anything more so thoroughly out of his mind that he didn't think about it again until months later.

A combat mission had just wrapped up. Ebenholz had made it back to the transport first, sitting in a dark corner with his eyes shut to block out an oncoming headache. Czerny took the seat next to him, waiting a moment to announce his presence with a tap. Ebenholz glanced up at him from under his bangs and smiled.

Except this time, someone noticed. A someone called Hibiscus. "Oh, what was that? Some sort of Leithanien greeting?"

Czerny's eyes shot up to meet hers. She was smiling, but it was more than her usual peaceful grin. No, there was a spark behind this one. Sly, some might call it, as if "sly" and "Hibiscus" could ever be put in the same sentence together.

"It is..." Czerny found himself at a loss for words. What was this, really? It had long gone beyond a simple greeting, but he didn't have the words for what it had become. It was a way to say "I'm here" without words. A halfway point between needing to touch and not wanting to be touched at all. An assurance. Trust.

"It's just a little thing we do," Ebenholz answered, soft but with an air of finality that invites no further conversation on the matter. "Do not worry yourself overmuch about it, Fraulein."

"Right, of course. Well, if neither of you are hurt, I'll let you get to it." Hibiscus had the audacity to wink at them as she walked away. The duo waited until she was gone to look at each other and silently ask: what were they really doing? What was this thing between them, really?

They didn't answer aloud. Ebenholz inclined his head. Czerny tapped, antler to horn. The pair smiled and settled in for the ride back. And when Ebenholz leaned against him and closed his eyes, Czerny found he didn't mind that so much either.

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

I love Janine this episode xD

"They knew I was lying" SLFHFJSKD xDD

I love her lol

"That's concerning" xDD

I mean they could be schools too though lol, tbh I believe them xD

Ahhh I thought it was the mx for a second like wrong first name but it's the spelling xD

JANINE LOL

Honey xD

MELISSA GOING TO GO STAND WITH HER SKFHDJS

Melissa xD

Their face 💀

"Ja" SLFJFHSK JANINE XDD

Jacob I swear if you do it over text or call- sir get it together 😭 xD

SPCJSUANWPAUUUOH NO I'M NOT PREPARED FOR THAT

Imagine if he proposed or something-

Lol sorry xD ik it wouldn't be I just mean like something the opposite xD

Gregory does not want to be here for this xD

OPE NO CHOICE NOW

He didn't say that I just know he won't want to

SLFKGHDKS JACOB STARTING TALKING AROUND GREGORY XDD

Oh poor Gregory I'm so sorry lol

I know it would pain me too lol xD

Also it would be wild if Zach really does go like "I realized how much I love you :))" or like "are you doing okay?" xD

Yk maybe if they break up now we can fix it later in the episode :'))

Maybe :'))

Hear me out xD

Because this moved along a lot quicker than I thought it would from being 7 minutes in lol I thought there would only be time to breakup xD

Though there is still Barbara's whole plot

Also they deserve better than a middle for he episode breakup You Know What if that happens 😤 xD

"I've been rather frustrated" sorry Zach I can't take you seriously- /lh xD

I think honestly any wording in a blunt way just makes it more awkward for Gregory and that may be a reason for it lol xD not that they can't be blunt but yk

Aww and confused 😭😭 stop he sounded so sad :'((

Turns out Zach doesn't think they're having problems :'))

Maybe if they break up Jacob will realize how much he still loves him and wants to be with him :'D or both of them :'D help please :D

Poor Gregory xD sir at this point just leave lol

I would not be able to handle being there for that xD not bc I love them but bc it would be awkward lol

SLFHFSK yeah you have been xD

See this is why you guys never break up because you're too honest and accepting of your faults and sweet xD except clearly not honest enough lol

I swear though if this is all some elaborate ruse

I don't think it is but like xD

"My brother if I could just-" Bro is trying his BEST SLFHSJLDS 💀💀 XDDD

He does not wanna be here for this and I wouldn't either

PLEEEASE don't do this to me I feel like they will and then Gregory's gonna be left standing there awkwardly as the end of the scene 😭

But hey maybe that leaves time for reconciliation :D

Probably not but I can cope :')

It would be funny if Zach asks if it's from quitting vaping lol like the behavior

And nice callback/consistency :)) or if that actually is the reason xD but yk the 7 months thing so who knows

I thought Jacob said he'd been being frustrating and confusing but I went back (just to go back not for that) and he did not so slightly less immediately broke down and was honest there lol

Wait nah he's not gonna-

YEAH COUPLE'S THERAPY LOL

Jacob xD you idiot

Unfortunately this means they will probably break up at the end of the episode :') or before the end anyway

Since it's not now xd

Help I'm hurting

Let's just hope they actually do and it works xD :')

AUGH JACOB

aoguh

oaughHaug my CAPS COME BACK HERE I NEED YOU

AOGUHAUAIOGH

JACOB STOP

JACOB WHY

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

The way he said it 😭😭 xD sad and funny

Also!hey :')))) at least this means they could get back together by later :'))

Or he'll back down now lol

But I think we might end the scene and come back to it later? Hopefully not lol

Gregory awkwardly standing there like xD

Let me see his face I need to see it lol

It's my only solace here xd 😭

SKFJHDKS Zach's face xD but also 😭😭😭💔💔 my honey DD':

My honeys honestly 😭😭😭😭 D':

Yep Gregory's awkward xD feeling it I mean

LOL yes run XD

SLFJGHDKS MR. JOHNSON STANDING THERE WITH A TRASH CAN LOL

He just wants to be in on it lol xD

It would be wild if he set all this up-

Sorry I'm fine and rational I promise xD

SLDKFHDKS MR. JOHNSON

A H NO THEY'RE BACK CRAP

But I mean at least I get to see it 😭😭😭 they deserve that much tbh xd

Or maybe they'll talk it out :')? Or be almost at that point and then later we found out they did? Whatever works? Please :')?

The sub stuff is already mostly figured out so we've got plenty of time for this and the other one 😭 unfortunately and fortunately xD

Jacob don't turn it back on him lol

Just stop repeating him man 😭

OKAY Zach said "Jacob. You s" before I paused and the genuine emotion like without comedy there was too much for me I ant handle this 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔

Guys help help guys save me

This is one of the few times I think you'll find me genuinely having a breakdown on my blog show wise lol. Like sadness wise, especially liveblog wise lol

So hey at least there's that xd I am not always happy (with the decisions lol)

Pleeeeas don't do this to me

I should stop the post but I think I wanna keep it going xd all in one post and what not

They deserve that 😭

Ik I'm talking like they're already dead but please guys don't break up xdd

I mean be happy but I want you to be happy together xdd

Okay there was some comedy there vibe wise as I figured out still that hurt 😭

Jacobbbb stop trying to pin the blame on him 😭 ik you hate this but you did it

Honestly despite my screaming howling pain and misery if they really do I will be proud of Jacob for actually doing it lol

And I'm afraid that's what's supposed to happen xd 😭

HE DID NOT

Jacob stop gaslighting him 😭 I love you but sir xd

AWW APIGUOSHUHHH- I can't the that time oh my gosh

He's about to do it

Or actually force Jacob to be honest

Or break my heart (though both of those would) but yk in a separate way like about he was gonna propose at some point or how much he loves him or something

That would just about kill me and I would die right here 😌

OKAY NOPE IT WAS A "WHAT'S GOING ON" OPTION TWO GUYS HONESTLY THE BEST OUT OF ALL BUT NOW I HAVE TO CONFRONT IT 😭😭😭💔

And so do they 😭😭😭💔 :'((

JACOBBBB NOOOO

But also don't deny it I mean xd

Tbh I just don't deserve this

One second let me just-

AAAAAAAAAUOOUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

I'm fine :')

Yk what no no I'm not 😭😭😭😭 :'((

Screaming sobbing throwing up how could you do this to me

No Jacob don't deny it sir I swear-

JUST BE FREAKING HONEST

OKAY AIGOGDUUAGAUUHHHOGIHHGGGGH but at least the did :') 😭😭😭😭😭💔

Jacob. That hurt me. How could you ever do this to me

Zach's gonna agree or something and that lessens the chances of fixing it but also that makes it slightly easier sooo idk xd

Okay at least we're being genuine now 😭😭😭💔 :'((

Honeyyyys 😭😭😭💔 I mean yeah that tracks but xd the afraid to rip of the band-aid bit, as the reason I mean lol

Okay bandage my bad I paused lol

OH MY GOSH HE'S ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING WHILE SOUNDING LIKE HE'S CRYING LIKE THAT HE LOVES HIM I'M NOT OKAY-

Y'all this is too emotional for them to get back together they're really doing this to me 😭 I haven't accepted it till now and probably won't for the next 26 years but yk x'd

AOUGHHHHHAHHHHH "THIS SUCKS" YES IT DOES SUCK 😭😭😭💔💔💔

Not as bad as it could've been though, what he said wise :')

Yeah 😭😭😭😭💔

. . . do I deserve a kiss for all my efforts/pain though (the answer is yes but will I get one xdd a goodbye kiss for them I mean lol)

Should you be doing this in the middle of the school day by the way guys x'D sorry unrelated lol

Not really but yk xd

I better get a hug though not just a dejected stand

AOUGH NOPE THEY'RE GONNA CONTINUE TALKING OUCH

AUGHO why'd you have to say thank you I deserved an I love you there

We can worry about Jacob's growth later let me be sad and emotional and in the moment 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔❤️

SLFKFHSK JACOB

SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT xd

I swear if the only reason Zach wanted to actually break up was because of the stuff you've been doing Jacob-

IF YOU'VE KILLED THIS FOR ME xd-

It is not a funny story Jacob bc ik that's what you're gonna say after really when I unpause this lol xd

Yep xD

And I think Zach agrees lol

Yk this was almost amicable xd

JACOB

How many times did that happen xD

I appreciate the jokes to lighten the mood but guys xdd

Also honestly just let me be sad lol I need it xd

NOT THE FULL NAME

Sir this was so close to being amicable 😭😭

I mean I don't want the secret but like xD

APCIENAO IS HE GONNA CALL HIM A SOB

Probably not but xD

Glad we're also acknowledging Jacob's non-growth lol

AOCURUANODAUHOL NOPE JUST THE B :O

SLFKGJDKHS LOWKEY ICONIC THOUGH ON ZACH'S PART AND ON JACOB FOR BEING CALLED THAT XD

Hold up now xd-

The what 😭

Guys I am not emotionally okay xdd

I'm shaking as I try to breathe lol

And I cannot take seriously what Zach is doing right now 😭😭 xD

Desperately hoping I get more in my feels so I can avoid this /hj-

WHY IS THE KRAKEN FLAPPING. ZACH.

YES understandable Zach xD but the yes was also for Jacob bc it needed to be said

Sweet prince??? Slfjghsks??? What do y'all have going here I swear xDD

Honestly fair though Zach don't have to care xd

But also. Did you have to try and break my heart in every possible guys xd

Zach this is about to be uncalled for- :OO >:OO THEY WERE NEVER FUN

Yk idk if I could get over this if they did ret back together ngl xdd

My babeys don't deserve this 😭😭😭😤💔

Fair and real though for Zach to go off mans was just broken up with

Also I cannot help but figure Mr. Johnson and Gregory are listening at the door 💀

:OOO AT TRIVIA NIGHT!!

Okay now Jacob looks angry too and fair enough xdd

Also not the callback to the first time we saw Zach, and I don't deserve this :))) 😭. The and isn't needed there but idk I wanted it

SLFJFHSKDS NOT THE SINGING XD

Fair and real Zach but also

Zach leads the choir song-

Awww honeyyy 😭😭😭😭💔💔

Now give me the sadness back xdd

Yk the anger makes it easier but also I still don't deserve this xd

Also as I've been wondering, where is Janine in all this 😭 your bestie needs you D':<

Yep Gregory's is stills standing there xD

Yep you should've xdd

SHLFHSKDS GREGORY

Nahh for him too

Awww yeah :')) 😭😭😭😭❤️💔

Awww :'))) (the "I do have other pens")

Okay! So! I did not deserve this!

[youmightaswell]

LIVE

OH I HAVE JUMPED FOR LOVE...

I have carried this odd poem/photo/ad around from apartment to apartment for decades. I am not sure why.

Back in 1993 I had my first job out of college; I was the reception at a jewelry trade association. It was as boring as it sounds. I worked up quickly to a marketing assistant because they all realized I could write and do marketing.

But while I was merely answering phones at the front desk I was bored. I spent my time looking through trade magazines. An add in one caught my eye. I am not sure why it resonated with me so much but I tore out the sheet and then photocopied it onto a letter-sized clear piece of plastic. I brought it home and had it framed in my little basement apartment.

When I eventually moved it came with me. About ten times I moved over the last three decades.

The other day a friend who had helped me unpack noticed it on my home office desk. The frame had broken in the move so it just laid on the desk in full view. He asked about it and I said I had no idea who wrote the poem. I wasn't even sure what it was an ad for or what publication it was in. All I knew was it was in the early 90s and over the years I tried Googling the poem. Nothing ever came up so I assume it was written just for the ad.

My friend looked at the tiny print under the photograph and suggested I Google the photographer: Brett Froomer. While the agency listed was no longer there and the number long disconnected I did see Brett was on Instagram, now owning a food-related agency in Chicago.

I thought it would be nice to send Vday-related letters to all my penpals so that same friend took the clear plastic sheet with the poem and pic on it and made me 20 photocopies.

I ruminated on how unusual it was for me to keep something so inconsequential for decades when I couldn't even find things I had just months before. And I had long ago lost photos, poetry of my own in moves over the years but here this ad about nothing stayed with me. I guess it is the same with people - some stick and some don't. People who should stick -- like husbands - turn into strangers over night. Random people you meet once turn into life-long friends. The world is baffling but so interconnected.

I decided to message Brett on IG. I'm nearly 55; so what if he thinks I'm a weird stalker?

I found his contact email on his agency page and wrote this:

Ok, so this is going to be a bizarre email. Please bear with me.

Back in the early 90s my first job out of college was work in a Jewelry Trade Association in Manhattan. It was as boring as it sounds.

Anyway, I would spend time going through trade magazines and this poem and picture in an ad caught my eye. For some reason I kept it, brought it home with me to my tiny basement studio and it has followed me to every apartment I've lived in since '94. Now, 30+ years later it is still sitting in my home office. It used to be framed but I moved recently and the frame broke so now it just resting on my office desk. A friend came by recently and asked me who wrote the poem and took the photo. I explained I am not sure why I have carried this ad with me for decades and interestingly I have no idea what magazine it was in or for what. There is tiny type at the bottom which features your name as the photographer.

So last week I Googled you and found you.

<I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this email, except maybe to find out if you remember creating this - the photo… And if you were the one who wrote the little poem or know who did? Do you recall what this was an ad for and in what publication? I assume it was done in 1993 or 1994 because that is when I got the picture and took it home.

Anyway, I am also a creative - a writer. I plan on writing an essay about this ad that has someone stayed with me through countless moves, when even some old family photos didn't make it over the years.

Any information would be most appreciated.

Thanks, Kelly Kreth

** Kelly,

What a surprising email. And thank you for such kind words.

You’ve got the right photographer.

That photograph was for my self-promotion and ran on the back cover of Communication Arts.

The writer of this was Mark Fenske, the most famous copywriter of his time. Also, he is a legendary voice-over talent.

I’m including Mark’s email address, and I’m sure he will be flattered by your words.

I am now a director who is shooting food commercials in Chicago. My company is called French Butter.

Again, many thanks for this kind email and I hope you buy a new frame for this piece. It is one of my favorites.

Best, Brett

**

I wrote to the man he cc'd who wrote the poem. I await a response.

** The ad/poem is back in my office area, where it belongs. I have to buy a frame for it as it appears it will be with me for another decade or two.

[borderlinegamer]

Fri, Sep 15

Our car is leaking oil. I don't know what exactly is wrong or how much it's gonna cost to fix but I'm exhausted. Things keep going wrong, why?

My dad has been a mechanic my entire life. When I was 16 I got my first car. It had stipulations. It was a totaled out 2001 or 2002 Volkswagen beetle in the color black. It was the car I wanted. It cost them $800 but the entire front end was missing except the engine. The stipulation was that I get a job, quit color guard and pay for all the parts and that I rebuild it with my dad. I'm positive my dad took some of my part money and used it for other things but it took an entire year to get the car built as he refused to do anything to it in the winter or put it in the garage to rebuild. It didn't have airbags or working seatbelts but it was finally built and drivable. It was only drivable for 6 months. It broke down a winter morning on my way to school. My dad refused to fix it and I had to buy another car which was a 1998 honda accord. I loved the honda so much. When my dad was getting siding on the garage the leader of the team doing it offered him a discount and some cash for the bug sitting in the backyard. My dad fixed the bug and took the deal without telling me. He pocketed the cash and didn't give me a fucking dime.

Fast forward to now and a few cars later my husbands car shit out on us. The transmission blew. We had 3k in savings and wanted to spend around $2500 for something old but reliable. We asked my dad to go with us to check it out in hopes he could spot something shady. My mistake was not realizing he's not at all reliable at the moment due to the divorce. He let us buy an absolute junker for $2400. First it was the exhaust, then spark plugs. We thought the nightmare was over and drove it 30 min to an odesza concert and the stupid light came on again. And now it's pouring oil in my driveway. We have maybe 1500 in savings. We are in about 3k on this car. My husband's not rich but wealthy has a million dollars in retirement and has bought the other siblings houses parents won't help us. My theory is because my husband didnt finish school when covid hit. The best they offered was an older Kia soul so his dad could make a business deal with the guy selling it. Not reliable at all with high mileage. These are the same people that were okay with paying a contractor AND his apprentice $300/hr to remodel their kitchen. The same people who brag to us about their millionaire friends paying for their entire wine country vacation while they griped about us asking for help.

I'm so tired. I didn't ask to be here. I especially didn't ask to be born into mentally ill ridden generational poverty.

*manifestation*

I will have money. I will have money to give us a better home and means of transportation. I'll have enough money so we can go on at least one vacation a year or to reduce my breasts to a comfortable size. We will have money and we won't have to watch your rich parents dog for only $200 when they were spending upwards of 1k a week to put her in a doggy hotel. We won't have to watch them not help us and also have my narc dad telling us it's our fault because we didn't wash his flea dog.

I want fucking change.

Edit: just got done cleaning out my car to get ready to sell. I drive a nicer 2012 civic but u haven't driven a long distance in about a year due to my ptsd so I figured we could sell it and get a nicer car for both of us to drive that's reliable. I had lent my dad my car a few months ago when his was badly damaged in a wreck. I found this present from him borrowing my car while I was cleaning it. I never noticed before because I don't really look up in my car.

My therapist asked me why I haven't cut ties, and I ask myself that every day. I don't know whether I want to die or him to die. Jesus fucking christ.

[over-dramatic-diary]

the first time i knew i was in love.

I really enjoyed the format of telling y'all a story from my life that defines me as a person. So we're gonna do that again. I give you, the first time I knew I was in love.

I was seeing this young man who we'll call Spencer. So I had been seeing him for about two months, though we had recently decided to only be friends because his mental health was not the best at the moment, and he didn't want to cause himself much else to worry about for that time. But we never were only friends. We kissed and talked deeply, and told each other things we probably shouldn't have. In the end, on the night of his birthday, I had tried to plan a little board game night, but it had been last minute enough that he and I were the only attendees.

So we played stupid games, drank more than we should have for a Tuesday night, and skipped over to a friend's apartment for a brief birthday smoke session. After, we got Canes, where he got a large sweet tea and then proceeded to spill all over his living room. We watched the both most idiotic and funniest sitcom of all time. In the end, we were playing my family's somewhat stupid secret card game, and decided to play Two Truths and a Lie. We got down into the game, and my options were as follows:

I cannot count how many cousins I have on two hands

I broke my spine because I fell off the playground age 8

I've never been in love.

Was the final option somewhat leading? You bet your ass it was. But I believed it to be true. But, as I was getting ready to head home for the night around 1 am, I stood up, Spencer kissed me, and I stopped before heading to the door. I looked at him and told him that I might have fibbed a bit that night. When he asked what I meant, I responded as such:

"I fibbed when I said I've never been in love. Because I think I'm a little in love with you."

I meant it, too. I thought I was falling in love with him.

He kissed me again, and said "Let's leave it at that for tonight." And so I left.

The next day, we had work late together and Spencer asked if I wanted to go to his apartment and watch some tv after rehearsal and just hang out. I swear on the stars, I didn't think anything would come of this hangout other than maybe a short makeout session, and talking. Boy, was I wrong.

We go to his apartment and continue on the aforementioned dumbass tv show. We watch an entire season, and then we start bouncing back and forth cueing up and playing songs that we would show to an alien if they asked us what human music was like. I played Dreams by Fleetwood Mac and You Matter to Me from Waitress. Spencer played Hallucinogenics by Matt Maeson and Lana Del Rey.

I heard a thundercrack outside the window. I check from his balcony, and it was pouring, and the weather app says it's not stopping for hours. I was planning on walking the two blocks back to mine, so I ask him if I could sleep on his couch. He says sure, so we go back to music and stupid videos. I realize something a little while later:

He doesn't have a couch. He has a loveseat. And I am either stoned or bold enough to remark out loud that I just realized that I probably couldn't sleep on his couch. He looks me dead in my eyes and says "Oh. We both know you're sleeping in my bed."

DEAR LORD. I didn't know a man could make me feel so looked at. He gives me sweatpants to wear, and I take my earrings out as he puts on one last episode. He turns the tv off and heads into his bedroom. He takes off his shirt. Then his pants. That's when I knew I would be learning more about Spencer than I thought he would let me.

We get into bed. We kiss. Spencer asks how far I wanna go, and I tell him I want to go his speed, as far and as slow as he wants to. Soon though, there isn't a single layer of fabric between us. We spend the entire night tossing and turning, taking breaks to talk. That man told me things in his bed that I will take to my grave. I shall say no more on the subject, except that we only got about three hours of sleep that night.

It was the first time I had ever made love or spent the night in another man's bed.

I woke up the next morning, and we agreed to hit snooze for five more minutes. I lay my head across his chest, and we hold hands before either of us is fully conscious. Soon, I pick up my head, lean on my elbow, and stroke his chest gently to wake him fully. He turns his head to me, and just as he opens his eyes, he moves them into a shaft of early morning sunlight coming through his blinds.

This is the moment I knew I was in love. Fully and truly and indubitably. I knew because his normally dark and bottomless eyes were suddenly the most intense hue of gold that I had ever seen. It was not a color or a shade or a tint. This gold was far too piercing and sparkling to be anything but its purest form. I will never forget the way they both looked and looked at me.

I am feeling nostalgic and reflective tonight, and I thank you for listening to it.

Goodnight loves.

- Jackson

[jaemlynscharacters]

(This post contains OMITB S1-3 spoilers.) I really hope to all the gods that they're going somewhere with this because:

(Buckle up!)

A) My sister thinks Joy will be the murderer in the future and I just really hate the idea of that happening to Charles TWICE (especially after Joy told him she initially thought "this man dies alone"). Come on, let's please not make it a JOKE that Charles is MEANT to be alone because he's only attracted to murderers. That's cruel. Please tell my sister that. B) I just don't understand Charles feeling so sorry for this fish that he carried it around with him, but as far as we know he never tried ONE SINGLE TIME to try to get Joy back.

He just thinks that if Joy decreed it, it must be. His life is the glass pitcher that Joy put him into.

He can't even cry about it. It pisses me off, honestly, because he is SO proactive in other ways. Like when Jan was trying to kill him, in his own mind he was being a hero, helping to bring her down. When it came down to it and they needed to record the police interviews in his dressing room, he managed to make it through his entire song without going to the white room or making an omelet. Any time they need pictures of people for the murder board, he pretends to take selfies so they can get them. He defended Mabel when they caught and followed her with "tie dye guy" ... but he questioned whether Joy was the murderer and was afraid to ask her about it?

WTF, Charles?

That just seems a little bit out of character to me. ... Except for one thing -- it wasn't JOY's integrity that he questioned. He questioned himself -- his ability to choose a partner, his ability to interact with people. It was never Joy he didn't trust. It was himself. Just like Sazz says, in so many words. The Jan situation must have really thrown him.

Some people here have said that they felt Joy was trying to change Charles into a person he just isn't, but I disagree. It seemed to me that Joy accepted his faults. In fact, she listed how she looked past several of them right before she left. She was very considerate of his needs when they moved in together after MONTHS of dating and made sure to ask him if he felt "it was too much" aka "Are you overwhelmed by this?" She knew being that close would be a huge change for "Charlie" and she was thoughtful and careful about it until he assured her it was fine.

And to just BELIEVE him when he assured her, and not question whether he was in denial or lying, showed that she had faith in him to tell her the truth.

Maybe she was overly optimistic or even naive. I think she realized that later.

When she found out... - That he had questioned whether she murdered Ben.... - That he had ACCIDENTALLY proposed to her and never admitted it, even through all the wedding planning.... - That Charles had talked to not just Sazz but also Oliver and Mabel about her behind her back.... ...all while she's the one he's in an intimate relationship with, she's his chosen partner, he climbs into bed with her (often twice a day), she's the one that he should feel most comfortable confiding in when he's questioning the world ... THAT BROKE HER HEART.

It wasn't just a matter of Charles not being open. It was that while all that was going on, while they made plans about aisles and decorations and where they would get their wedding cake, he questioned her, and therefore their relationship was not as solid as she had been led to believe.

And for that matter, what kind of best friends convince a guy who is in a seemingly happy relationship that he would be happier alone?

For the sake of his play, Oliver literally convinced Charles to break up with Joy, and we know the rest of THAT story, Matthew Broderick. When the breakup finally did happen -- after Charles realized he did not want to be alone -- neither Mabel or Oliver offered any comfort, encouragement, or much sympathy. I think they were glad to see Joy AND joy go, which is entirely unfair in that 1. they encouraged him to be with Jan, 2. Mabel has had at least 3 relationships, and 3. Oliver is in love with Loretta (and she looked far more like the murderer for a while than Joy ever did).

It's one thing to not want competition for your best friend but Joy didn't seem to ever discourage the OMITB obsession or murder investigation. Yes, she thought it would be good for their relationship when Death Rattle ended on opening night, but once Death Rattle Dazzle was going strong, she not only tried to help Charles get through his patter song block but even helped Ben with his makeup on opening night -- without a single complaint.

All three of our heroes or antiheroes in this show are deeply flawed, even horrible people sometimes, and that's why we love them.

But in conclusion of point B, Joy is the victim in all this. I think she truly loves Charles and MIGHT be the only person in existence that really sees him and wants what is best for HIM -- him as an individual. And all she wants from him is that same consideration.

She saw the winks in the mirror and the kick in his step years ago. What does he see in her?

I am just so aggravated at that entire situation!!

And finally

C) President McKinley. The fish is a parallel to Charles, obviously. He is "meant to be alone." Charles feels so sorry for President McKinley after Joy leaves, and identifies with him so much, that he worries and carries the damn fish around with him and tries to find him water when he thinks the bag is leaking. I don't think the bag was even leaking. Do you? I think maybe that was Charles's psychological way of crying and releasing his grief. (Let's not even try to get into the symbolism of a toilet or being trapped in a room with a smoke/fog machine.)

Why in the world is that fish's name President McKinley? "I always wanted to be friends with a president but this one is a bully." What?

The real President McKinley was a controversial figure. He took a pay cut when he stopped being a lawyer to be a politician. He also furthered American imperialism. He was staunchly against slavery and fought in the Civil War. And he also did very little to help black people who were being harassed and attacked in the USA during his presidency. He defended a group of striking miners against their mining companies and all but one of them were acquitted.

And President McKinley was MURDERED. But he also called off the mob that might have killed his assassin. He has an interesting story, and I find it very interesting that of all the presidents, Joy named her fish after him.

What's that about?

In conclusion, there are so many reasons for this story between Charles, Joy, and this fish to be headed somewhere. And this is the kind of stupid detail I get hyperfixated on and it ends up making or breaking a show for me.

Don't disappoint me, OMITB!!

Okay I’m finally watching omitb season 3 and it may be the sleep deprivation talking but charles’s dumb loser ass truly loving and completely failing to care for his breakup fish is like. Doing something to me. I’ve nearly got tears in my eyes right now he’s such a pathetic old man

[roxyfoxgamer150]

An Au where Pedro die and reincarnated as Mirabel.

Before he's killed, Pedro wished he could lived with Alma and his family. He thought he's dead but he found out he is reincarnated as Mirabel, daughter of Julieta.

Yes

—————

Reincarnation AU

When Pedro was about to be stabbed, he thought of one thing.

He wished he could have lived with his family.

He feels the pain in his heart, but then he suddenly felt like he was shrinking. He woke up as someone. A child even, he knew what happened.

'No.'

'No OH GOD DID I REINCARNATE!?'

Apparently he was a 2 month old baby, who was clearly a girl.

He- she now? Was in a crib, she was trying to mimic an angry child, but looked like she was crying.

The door opened, she tries to look at the person and saw their face.

She was carried by the person- woman, she's guessing the mother.

The woman calls her by the name "Mirabel", guess she's Mirabel and not Pedro now.

Another person goes in the room.

"Julieta! A man needs healing because he broke his nose."

"Fine, but I'm bring Mirabel with me Pepa."

While she was being carried out, she only thought one thing.

What. The fuck.

Was she reincarnated as her daughter's CHILD!?

She saw Alma talking to Pepa, then Alma looked at her, smiling.

Dios mío, this is platonic now isn't it? She could live with that.

She got to know which one is the cousin and the parents, and the uncles and tia.

Isabela is the oldest sister, Dolores is Pepa's oldest daughter. Camilo is the same age as her, and Luisa is- actually she's a toddler.

Pedro Mirabel began to think of how could she make Alma know that she's back as her grandchild.

She notices that everyone has powers called "gifts" and it appears in the age of 5

Mirabel decides it might be a good idea to hang out with her son- tìo.

She hangs out with Bruno, making him the best uncle she has, and- 'Camilo get off Bruno's ruana.' She thinks.

She tries sewing and embroidery, thinking it is the only way to be with Alma platonically now- oh wow she's actually an amateur at emboidering that easily.

Years past and it's her 5th birthday, she's standing beside Alma and about to hold her doorknob.

She begs that she gets a gift that is similar to past lives, and begs that when she grows up Bruno is a normal person and not hated.

She doesn't get a gift, Alma is looking at her, Julieta and Agustin are trying to calm her down from fake crying, and where the hell is Bruno!?

Apparently Bruno "left" them, when she can just hear someone behind the damn walls. Actually- does Bruno know she knows? Does Dolores know she knows Bruno is still here?

Nope. Great. Her son-now-her-uncle is going to stay in the walls, starving and having bad hygene.

Even after her birthday, she tries to stick with Alma.

'why are you pushing me away Alma? Why? WHY ARE YOU PUSHING A CHILD AWAY!?'

Now she just realized that the townfolks use her family just because of the gifts after a month now.

They use Julieta to heal simple wounds. SIMPLE WOUNDS LIKE A PAPERCUT!

They use Dolores as a gossip machine, her poor ears might give her an overload later on.

Isabela- her poor hermana needs to be "perfect" now. She never has time for Mirabel.

Luisa is now lifting donkeys. Camilo is- honestly she thinks her funny primo/nieto is still himself, just not hanging out with her anymore.

She's sad for Pepa, she has to hide her emotions for the town and the crops, why can't you just get water from the river that's near you!?

Bruno. Her poor tio/hijo Bruno is now in the walls for some odd reason, she knows there's a reason but really? How the heck does he even get food from hiding in a painting?

She looks at Alma, who just scolded her because she was distracting Camilo from his work from helping others.

She knows those eyes, they hold trauma, grief, and sadness. Looks like she didn't mourn him properly because of the town, and accidentally gave everyone generational trauma except for her.

Years pass, and Pedro is still Mirabel, she still wants Alma to at least look at her in a appreciating way and not in an ignorance is bliss way.

Antonio is born now, she feels sad for Dolores, another trauma for hearing those "sounds" like her.

She decided to act like an adult like she was is.

She never notices that the more she acts and talks mature for her age, the more the family becomes sad and horrified that a ten year old is suddenly acting like a mature adult.

Now she just turned fifteen, and oh look! Because of their work THEY FORGOT HER 76TH 15TH BIRTHDAY.

Mirabel tells Julieta if she remembers what today it is, Julieta says it's monday.

"Mama, it's fucking March 6, my birthday?" She ignores the part where she swore, and ignores the part where Julieta looks horrified.

She shrugs and says it's fine if they forget her birthday, what she's not fine is the fact everyone doesn't even get a break on working.

Julieta did, infact, told Alma that they should get a break because it's Mirabel's birthday and she wants all of them to rest on her birthday, not celebrate it.

They fucking ignored it and only baked a cake for her. And 15th birthdays are suppose to be important! THEY GAVE HER A CAKE ONLY.

Now months later, Antonio's ceremony was a disaster, she had to walk him to the door, tell her former-wife-turned-hideous-abuela that cracks were forming, and now they don't believe her.

Well, at least her hija-turned-mom believed her ('you know she did not' her mind says.)

But for some odd reason, she just realized she started acted a bit like her old self, and her reflection flickers into Pedro when she looks in a mirror.

She goes to Dolores, makes Luisa take a break, and is now inside Bruno's tower.

"BRUNO! YOUR ROOM IS THE WORST!"

And almost died. Again. Her abuela found her, Luisa told the conversation, and decided to tell Mirabel to stop what she's doing.

When Alma was about to turn around, Mirabel did not realize she flickered into Pedro for only a second, making Alma look at her twice to make sure she wasn't imagining.

She asks Pepa about Bruno, even though she knows who he is, somehow got a musical number, Agustin found the vision, and now they're both trying to stop Dolores from exposing it.

Mostly Pedro Mirabel is stoppjng her though.

The same thing happens from the movie, the only difference is that something happens.

She meets Bruno and tells him she knew he was in the walls ever since he went there, she just didn't do anything because excuse me I was child Bruno.

When Alma was arguing with Mirabel. She flickered into Pedro after she said her line infront of the whole family.

The whole family was looking at her like they saw a ghost. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" She closed her mouth when she heard her old voice.

"Pedro?" Alma was looking at her- him again.

And then a crack formed below them.

Istg I give up, the romantic-turned-platonic-love is confusing me-

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."