#we knew each other on the internet and met irl at a con

[maggotwithanf]

four more days til i get to hang with the bestie again

[wiccamoody]

on internet friends, vidcon, and being brave

I’ve been in fandom for over 10 years now. Despite that, I never really talked to anyone until the phandom. I made one friend in 2015 who doesn’t even watch them anymore lol and I can’t remember the last time we actually talked. But when I jumped back in ready to talk and write in late 2017 I decided maybe I’d let myself socialize or let people in. Which I did, in my own awkward way, and I’d say I now have a lot of really fucking phenomenal people in my life. 

Flash to last thursday when I got to meet three of these people who I’ve grown really close to (and on friday a fourth!!) and I immediately knew there was no going back. (For those curious or who don’t know I met @nihilismdan, @ataraxia-25, @kay-okays, and Lucy). No going back in that I spent 4 whole days with them (2 with Kay!!) and I’ve never felt so comfortable and like, accepted immediately. Of course I got to know them over the last year and a bit, but meeting irl actually does bring that to life, and it’s fucking surreal to meet people and hang out with them and just feel so together and comfortable. The beginning was awkward for me; I’m awkward, I have RBF, anxiety etc., but once it faded away it was so amazing. Amazing to wake up and know that they’re a maximum of 20 mins away on foot, to be able to spend the day together and use our single brain cell to get around and laugh almost until we pee at stupid shit. It’s so fucking comfortable you just get used to it (I would liken it to the way a lot of people felt about ii and the content stream we got then, and in the same way the hiatus hit people hard). When it all ends and you go back to real life and you don’t have those moments to look forward to everything just feels numb. Distance is hard. Goodbyes are hard. Not knowing when you’re going to physically be around each other again is hard. Skype and facetime and all that stuff exist but fuck, I started crying in LAX because I honestly had the best weekend of my life. There’s no awkwardness when you’re already friends with someone, no weird phase where you don’t know if they actually like you or not because they already know you and would have stopped talking to you ages ago if they didn’t. And idk, I’ve spent the last 5 years (and really, my entire time being in fandom) trying my best to quash my excitement, to tone it down and shut up in my “real” life because no one cares as much as I do, and I know they don’t really want to hear it. But to have that stuff in common and to have people on the same level of intensity as you, while still ofc talking about other parts of your life because that’s what friends are there for, it’s fucking amazing. As an introvert with anxiety it’s so ideal for me, so saying goodbye to these wonderful people in my life just hurts so much. It’s hard to process. I think we’ll absolutely meet again, it’s just the not knowing when that kills me. And having to go back to real life where things kind of suck (at least on my end) is like a slap in the face. It takes some getting used to again, but I guess the pain is worth the memories I have. 

Onto vidcon itself, I wanted to do a little recap. I kind of did that during my trip and to some people in DMs, but overall as someone who’s wanted to go since year 2 or 3, finally being able to do it was amazing. I have some complaints and things I’m actually really angry about, but to keep positive, for my first con ever I’m glad this one came into my life in the last minute way it did. I got to have the experiences baby me wanted, and I got to give me at 15 some closure to how she was when all this phandom stuff was thrown at her. Being able to meet queen Natalie Wynn was fucking amazing. She’s so stunning and I’m so GAY and she’s a literal icon. It was so lovely to talk to her and get a photo, I’m still shook I was in her presence at all! Meeting Dan and Phil was amazing and terrifying. I froze up, embarrassingly, and didn’t say anything I wanted to say to them. I just wanted to tell them how much they mean to me but I wasn’t able to. Which is fine. I’m trying to not beat myself up over it because I got to see them and hug them and smell them (don’t fucking come for me okay, they smell like warm men and it’s NICE OKAY) and everything that came right before and after with my friends was hilarious and perfect and wonderful. Not to mention, like 30 mins later I met Martyn and Cornelia, which tbh god fucking tier, who cares about dnp when mnc are there?? They were easy to talk to and lovely so we talked for like 3-5 mins and I’m happy we met them. And some other stuff happened at the IRL merch booth that I will never forget jaskljdlak. It was an Experience. tbh I’m still processing the entire day of Saturday lol. But it was good. A lot, but good. 

I want to go to more cons. So many more, and with friends like or who are the ones I had with me. I’m so fucking grateful and amazed this was the con to kickstart me actually going to them because it was truly the best weekend of my life. 

And going to Universal Studios in Hollywood with Julie on Sunday (especially since she didn’t know if she could come or not, and we had already said goodbye) was the cherry on top of everything. Harry Potter was my first fandom. It was the first thing to really make me feel seen, to give me an escape and a safe place to go and be myself. It was so full circle for me to go there, and I’m glad I went with someone who I love a lot. It was an amazing experience, and I could write a whole ass essay about it. I’m glad I went, and kind of in shock that it all happened really. 

As for bravery, I’m a total wuss. I’m nerdy and shy and introverted and my anxiety always gets the best of me. I’ve never flown internationally, and had only been to the States once before, and it was with my best friend and her parents. I hadn’t been on a plane in almost a decade. I was so out of my element but I really told myself to fuck off, dug into my student loans bc ya girl is broke as shit, and got myself to LA, then Anaheim, then to meet the wonderful people I did and survive the whole thing with my only panic attack the entire trip being related to meeting Dan and Phil (so like, it was expected). I’m proud of myself. When I started watching Dan and Phil I was 15, depressed without knowing it, and lost and trying to find a place to fit in. I owe it to my best friend for literally forcing me to watch them because I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her or them. I figured out my queerness, survived my worst days, am getting help, and now as a 20 year old who grew up thinking she would be trapped in the seeming hell that my life was sometimes (and still is I guess) I was brave and I’m proud of that. Idk if anyone is still reading this, but if feeling lost and stuck and scared but wanting so fucking bad to do the thing they want to do, no matter how big or small, resonates with anyone, I encourage you to do it. I believe in you, and I know you can. I never in a million years thought my life would have the last 4 days in it but it does now, and I’m grateful I was brave enough to take that leap. 

[remember-before]

Okay, hi, I know most of you don't know me, I am TK (no, really!). I use to go by unperfectwolf 7000 years ago in fandoms far far away, and my ao3 account is now hishn_greywalker (from a 90s fandom). My old fic lj was remember_before , so forth this name!

Tl;Dr of this post is sappy fandom feels, so skip if you don't care 😘

Folks, I've been I'm fandom for a long as time. 23 years now, give or take? This next con (LealyCon, Orlando, this summer) will be celebrating my 15th year going to cons! A friend of mine from my first fandom are gearing up for 25 years in fandom together, and just, I cannot wait! We only live 4 hours from each other now, so I think we might do IRL lunch! We lived a very long ways away when we first met.

All that to say holy heck, I am beginning to see names of fandoms past in the Lonestar fandom, and I love it!!! At one point every single fandom was very small and everyone knew everyone in fandom. In the mid 2000s, you cycled through fandoms with people, usually you found a group of 30ish people you had 4 or 5 fandoms in common with. Once LJ stopped requiring an invite code (and ITW died) we started to see less of this, because fandom became more accessible, and also internet became faster than sandwich making slow.

Especially if you were into slash, before HP got huge even more so, you knew everyone. When you went to cons or you started a new fandom, you'd find the slash writers in a corner giving hugs to each other because we'd all ended up a gift fic recipient in one fandom or another.

I haven't felt this excited about a new fandom in a chair minute, especially a /baby/ fandom, and it's so awesome to see so many young people get into something. It's also super cool to realize how far fandom has come (yall, slash fics aren't autovR now!). And it's super duper cool to see so many old friends! I have seen half a dozen names from old fandoms, and I'm sure, if I knew how to use Tumblr right and knew their blog names, I'd see even more. 😘😘😘😘

💜

[elegant-etienne]

have you met any friends in RL from rp? How did that go?

Munday Story Time!

I’ve met so many it would be hard to name them all! When I try to do a loose tally, it’s probably around 30-40 RPers I’ve met IRL from the various RP communities I’ve been a part of in my 20+ years of online RP. I’ve met about seven FFXIV RPers, not counting people I met IRL at other nerdy events that wound up being Balmung RPers! So, it’s not easy to say what it’s been like in summary, aside from the fact that a majority - a large majority - of people are just wonderful and lovely when you meet them face to face. Sometimes even people who wind up behaving abominably online. One thing I can say with relative certainty is I don’t think I’ve really met a person involved with any of these communities who is ‘strictly’ neurotypical, which is something I carry with me in every interaction with new people online and off. The community is more diverse than you might believe at first blush, and a lot of marginalized folk gather here, not just those who navigate the world from different mental settings than is considered the default. Considering the core aspects of the hobby, I don’t find it surprising. 

I’ve met more nice people than creeps, but I have met a few creeps. Honestly, it’s hard to gauge when it’s appropriate to offer to give a hug, because like - a lot of the time these are people we’ve known for years online! And now we even voice-chat. I’ve met so, so many people who immediately felt like old friends after meeting them. After I’d traveled across the country to meet someone who promptly dumped me, I took a train on my own to visit some friends in our community. They looked at me and said, “You need a drink.” We had an amazing time, with both of them showing me great local spots and letting me just cry and sleep on their couch and be a mess and vent about the whole thing. To this day I have an open invitation to visit their city, even though we haven’t RPed with each other in probably six or seven years. We keep in touch a little, and I sincerely hope I get to see them again.

But I’ll never forget a particular guy (not in this community) who insisted on a hug after we happened to meet/chat at the bus stop. There was nothing particularly physically imposing to me, in fact I’m pretty sure if I’d thought about it I could’ve tackled him down like a linebacker, but I had a total-deer-in-the-headlights reaction.

Here’s more dirt behind the cut, and also toward the very, very end of the story, some discussion of some very disturbing abusive behavior. I will note it before it begins, in case you don’t want to read that part.

This guy was a textbook narcissist manipulator: nerd edition. He’d act like he was your best friend and always doing you a favor but it was clearly just a way to control others around him. He wasn’t exactly doing the ‘nice guy’ thing so much as trying to look good to everyone regardless of their gender and create a bubble of love around him, making a big show of how nice he was doing things that didn’t actually require much effort (like saying nice things or giving people gifts or doing them favors they did not ask for). But, lacking any magnetism or charisma, he instead used that ‘niceness’, and then when that didn’t work, feigned helplessness and the pity of others to get what he wanted. For me, he also tried to lean hard on a shared aspect of our identities is the LBQTIA community - ironically in the way a lot of people try to when they’re outside the community and don’t understand it. Like, bringing it up just to make positive and admiring remarks about it apropos of nothing! Thanks for outing me on the bus, asshole. Don’t bring up my name on social media in hopes that I’ll make you look more legit, I’m not here to fight people’s battles, and I don’t always agree. This was over a decade ago, I think these days we’d call him ‘fake woke.’

So yeah, to be around this person was just constant discomfort. And I don’t think he knew. I think he thought we were best friends, and I legit feared him having a huge, self-destructive public meltdown on social media (or just… in actual public) if I told him off, so, I just cringed and suffered through.

He and his gf absolutely abused all the goodwill of some mutual friends with whom they stayed during a local con they traveled to. They apparently bought the badges and the tickets to fly out (he’d left living local to me to live with the gf) and had no money whatsoever for food. When someone is visiting a city and intending to be out at an event for most of the time, one would expect they’d have a budget for food. Instead, they loudly martyred themselves over not having anything in hopes everyone else would pay their way. Naturally, the mutual friends bought them some groceries, but it wasn’t up to their standards. I’m not talking about “they accidentally bought things they were allergic to” but they were picky about brands and so on. AND, they still expected the friends they met at the con to treat them.

This cumulated in an event I sadly didn’t witness, which was him throwing a fit over wanting to eat somewhere aside from where everyone else wanted to, even though he was being treated. Later that night, he called asking if they could stay in my hotel room - probably because they could resent how close our friends were to telling them off - and I said a resounding no.

I wound up being the only person who could tolerate he and his gf’s presence the last day of the con. I think I took them to a cheap lunch. They both made a huge fuss about how they loved me so much on the bus. And I was like, can I get a helicopter to take me to safety. Fortunately I did not see him face-to-face after that.

Here’s where things get disturbing.

He wrote this post throwing a pity-party for himself, feeling like he was a bad person, for assaulting one of his cousins when they were both children (he was older), and people not understanding how sometimes things involving that subject matter triggered him. Nothing about anything he went through, only this thing he did. WHAT. Naturally the community lost their shit over it and he wound up getting blacklisted all over the place. In the end, I told him off too, that he had no right to keep begging people to be sympathetic to him, and that it was in fact abusive for him to go to victims of similar abuse (myself included) and ask this be overlooked and forgiven about him. If he cared about victims he would have tried to make his amends to his cousin and not gotten any strangers on the internet involved, it was HER story, not his to get attention from. He had no right to ask for ANYTHING from ANY victim.

Ironically he blocked me a week later (I have to admit I kept him followed just to see what depths he’d sink to, which wasn’t healthy), because I sarcastically told him he didn’t deserve special treatment and to be allowed to have his phone on him in a no-screens classroom because he felt anxious after having a dream that something bad to happen. So uh. Yeah. That’s the one I think about and do a full-body shudder. That and the guy who acted very nice to me and all of my friend’s faces and then cheated on my best friend by sexting with a woman from the RP community who had the internet persona of a misandrist lesbian. Ew to him too, but I don’t think he ever demanded a hug from me.

FTR many of us were worried about his gf, and over the years tried to contact her and see if she needed help. I want to say I messaged her but it was so long ago I don’t want to take credit for having done something like that if I only thought about it and didn’t. If I did message her, I don’t think she replied. I think eventually she got away from him, but I’ve been out of touch with that community for awhile.

[lashydsdomain]

1-154. you wont

bitch

bet i will

1: Full name

lashy. das all you get

2: Age

19

3: 3 Fears

stairs, glass breaking, not being able to get ahold of someone

4: 3 things I love

my ocs uwu, my friends, my fucking tablet goddamn

5: 4 turns on

not comfy sharing on tumblr

6: 4 turns off

ill say ill come back to this one then leave this in the post

7: My best friend

rn i would say it’s probably blitztrolls

8: Sexual orientation

pan uwu

9: My best first date

ahh.... i havent had an in person first date still ;u;

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

not being stressed eue;;;

12: What time were I born

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

13: Favourite color

pale blu

14: Do I have a crush

ye u//w//u

15: Favourite quote

you know these things are asked and my mind goes blank

16: Favourite place

the woods just after it’s rained

17: Favourite food

im a basic bitch and just gonna say mac n cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

no absolutely not. nope.

19: What am I listening to right now

ambles playlist- it’s on ocean eyes by billie elish rn

20: First thing I notice in new person

prooooobably like. their face? typing style if it’s online

21: Shoe size

uhhhhhh i think like a womens 10?

22: Eye color

blue/green

23: Hair color

dark brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

loose and baggy because if i cant be comfortable what’s the point

25: Ever done a prank call?

HELL YEAH

27: Meaning behind my URL

lashyd was one of my first fantrolls and i liked the way it sounded

28: Favourite movie

mmmmm either labyrinth, princess mononoke or annihilation

29: Favourite song

no clue my friend im bad at picking

30: Favourite band

same as above sweats

31: How I feel right now

excited but tired

32: Someone I love

passivetrolls u//w//u/

33: My current relationship status

in a relationship!

34: My relationship with my parents

love my dad, kinda dislike my mom

35: Favourite holiday

christ mass

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

none, im so scared of needles ;u;

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

mmmmmaybe something stupid and simple on like my ankle?? i dunno what tho sweats

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

another fandom and i got bored with homeschooling lmao

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

i dislike them but they have tried to contact me a few times before i blocked them

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not usually

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i dont text so ill go w discord and no i have not the last person i messaged was you shenk gdi

42: When did I last hold hands?

the 2nd ;u;

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

7ish minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

hellllllllllll no

45: Where am I right now?

room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

prooooobably my bf or my dad. hate alcohol tho

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

loud but only w speakers

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

only da

49: Am I excited for anything?

absolutely motherfucker im making new friends left and right

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

i got two uwu

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

:))))))) irl most of the time tbh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i would probably cry ugnfldkjfgslfdjg the last person i kissed was my bf wheezes

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i mean probably.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

ehhhh nothing bad has really happened today

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

probably my friend from serbia uwu

57: What do I think about most?

ocs probably sweats

58: What’s my strangest talent?

burping on command? i dunno

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

glass shattering ouo;;;

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

beh ind

61: What was the last lie I told?

calling myself a basic bitch lmao

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone probably? video calls make me nervous

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

hell yeah to both

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah i yell tossing salt on all my rocks

65: Do I believe in luck?

yeee

66: What’s the weather like right now?

uhhh clear i think

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Shibuya Goldfish

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nop

69: Do I have any nicknames?

lash, lashy, gremlin and then stupid relationship nicknames gldsfgjfgs

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

prooobably almost falling down some stairs at a con and chipping my shin and probably partly pulling my shoulder out of the socket

71: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but end up spending it ouo;;;;

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nearly

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

there are some half customized MH dolls so i guess yeah

74: Favourite animal?

cat uwu

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

drawing ambles trollcall pick

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

satan stan obviously

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Here - Ancient Magus' Bride OP

78: How can you win my heart?

art of my ocs ngl

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

fuck if i knew

80: What is my favorite word?

probably fuck if you would ask my phone lmao

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

passivetrollsblitztrollstavvys-trollsfilibusterfrogwe-are-the-legion

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

hey fuckers lets rumble

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation ngl

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

probably 87

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

sweats how about we move on

88: Bought condoms?

ye

89: Gotten pregnant?

hell no

90: Failed a class?

i think yeah

91: Kissed a boy?

yeeeeeeee

92: Kissed a girl?

nop

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

does it count if we were indoors

94: Had job?

not yet wheezes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i dont think so i mgiht have when i was younger

97: Had sex in public?

n o

98: Played on a sports team?

ye!

99: Smoked weed?

ye.

100: Did drugs?

only weedles

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nop

102: Drank alcohol?

yes and i hated it

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nop

104: Been overweight?

ye

105: Been underweight?

nop

106: Been to a wedding?

nop

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

 every day p much

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

nop

109: Been outside my home country?

ye!

110: Gotten my heart broken?

;;;; yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

ye

112: Broken a bone?

possibly?

113: Cut myself?

if this is on accident then ya

114: Been to prom?

prom is a waste of time ngl just go to arbys

115: Been in airplane?

yeye

116: Fly by helicopter?

n o

117: What concerts have I been to?

blueman group and the 4th of july ones that play around here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeeee

119: Learned another language?

bits and pieces

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

nop

122: Had oral sex?

lets just skip the sex questions

123: Dyed my hair?

yeee

124: Voted in a presidential election?

ee

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nop

126: Had a surgery?

nop

127: Met someone famous?

yeye

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

god no

129: Peed outside?

this question is weird

130: Been fishing?

hell the fuck yeah

131: Helped with charity?

prrrrobaby?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah ;u;

133: Broken a mirror?

i dont think so

134: What do I want for birthday?

money

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

NO

136: Was I named after anyone?

i was named after two people uwu

137: Do I like my handwriting?

i can barely read it lmao i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

my stuffed tigger uwu

139: Favourite Tv Show?

fuck i dunno probably cyberchase or fetch i dont watch tv anymore lmao

140: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere quiet but convenient

141: Play any musical instrument?

flute and violin

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i have a scar on my knuckle from making garlic bread ;u; wasnt even good

143: Favourite pizza toping?

banana peppers

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

nah

145: Am I afraid of heights?

mmmm at times

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

yeah >w>;;;

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

all the mc fuckin time

148: What I’m really bad at

telling people when im not up for something

149: What my greatest achievments are

being alive you fuckers cant beat me i won over hundreds of other fuckers and im here

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Lets Not, Kids

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy so much cosplay shit and helping friends get what they need

152: What do I like about myself

im getting better uwu

153: My closest Tumblr friend

passivetrolls or blitztrolls wheezes

154: Something I fantasize about

being able to help my friends out of the places they are right now QuQ

155: Any question you’d like?

more questions for amble and my other girls!

[chiseki]

Figured I’d make this an intro post, since I’m pretty much using this alternate url as an “out” url compared to my usual vagueness.

I’m Joshua. Yes, that matches the sidebar, so it’s not really surprising here.

And that would surprise an entire two people following my main blog that know me irl because the rest were previously informed. Maybe three people, I forget if the last one is on tumblr or not.

Which is, by the way, ““““““““fun”““““““““

Yup, having like three local friend circles that had relations to each other outside of myself, and only one of them being in the know is fun.

You can basically stop reading at this point, because from here on out is just gonna be a massive time rewind to.....jeez, fuck if I know when, my childhood? I promise there will be time skips, we don’t need that mess played at normal tempo. (Also some funny stories after the giant gap in the text, if you want to scroll for that).

Most of this story is actually located in college, but the only real indicator (aside from having a general dislike of dresses) was way back when I was in all of second grade--apparently I was so damn insulted I burned all these facts into my memory--and an older kid was brought into the classroom, gave us this cool sales pitch about do we want to learn to shoot a bow, go camping, build campfires, etc

and then was like “OH YEAH THIS IS THE BOY SCOUTS IT’S BOYS ONLY”

I was so hyped lol.

Wound up being in a mediocre girl scout troop later, and my brother obviously got directed into boy scouts. At which point I got to find out that their camping trips were mostly getting rained on and finding black windows and getting taught woodworking by a dude missing a chunk of finger.

So more suffering than child me would have expected, but they still got to build fires and go REAL camping and shoot bows and rifles and shit.

Meanwhile, in girl scouts, we went to this one set of cabins every year. We never stayed in the damn cabins, because someone would find A Bug in there, or a spider, and then someone ELSE would have the same issue, and no one wanted to be in a cabin alone let alone be the only one in the cabins at all, and we always wound up sleeping in the air conditioned lodge that was visible from the damn cabins.

Except the one year where we went to a different camp, stayed in the legendary caboose, and there was a bat sleeping on the outside of the window so no one wanted to sleep there except me.

My scout group was weak.

I miss the cookies, though.

Anyway, due to not being forced into gender-targeted toys and getting to play with whatever the fuck I wanted, I also have jack shit for anything resembling an early warning sign aside from the above.

Actually, scratch that, I was not really a fan of dresses. I mean, this was fair in general, since they were usually scratchy, didn’t fit my arms/shoulders right, were designs I had no say in, and everyone would get on my case if the dress might get even a LITTLE dirty. Had some skirts I liked in middle school, but even that was a mess of having to wear tights because my genes have never resulted in anything resembling a thigh gap.

And I was like, constantly trying to play with the guys in grade school. And they’d periodically get that “NYEHHHHHHH GUYS ONLYYYYYY” shit going on. That was never not infuriating tbh.

Flash forward to high school, still basically left to my own devices. Only indicator here was that I was just tickled fucking pink whenever I heard that I either passed at cons or was at least tossed in the “maybe.......?” zone.

Flash forward to college. I honestly don’t remember what set me off on thinking about it, but started eyeballing my gender with a microscope. Unfortunately I couldn’t apply a litmus test like sexuality, so there was a lot of “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck” going on.

Actually, I think part of it was that on the forum I hung out on, a lot of the old regulars had assumed I was a dude until a childhood friend had dropped a pronoun several times in succession & asserted its correctness, which then led to a discussion along the lines of “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”.

But yeah, started testing the waters.

Also tried going to a LGBT+ club like, once. With the gal I was either dating at the time or was about to be dating, my memory is shit tbh. “HEY SO HOW ABOUT WE ALL JUST COME OUT TO EACH OTHER, A BUNCH OF STRANGERS <33333333″ still freaks me out, honestly. I get why it’s generally done, but like, no thanks. But I was horrendously obvious in ducking about the gender question and she totally called me out on it later in private lol. Also got me my first binder, but I digress.

Anyway, basically spilled on “I’m.....probably..............? a dude...........? jsyk??????” to my immediate friends, which was met with a lot of “.....YEAH ACTUALLY THAT MAKES SENSE” and a “hang on I need a dictionary........ok I get it”

I think I was the least smooth part of anything resembling a coming-out just due to like, me not wanting to have to tell people to do things for me? It’s something I find extremely awkward, like I know it’s that horribly stereotypical dating thing of “what’s wrong, bby, what do I have to do” “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO” but.

And that’s an entire digression about how my relationship with my mother often included me saying a lot of shit I had to say convincingly, but didn’t mean at all, and probably led to me having fuckall faith in what people say, most especially when under a forced prompt. I could do an essay on that, but not here.

Which, admittedly, I’m gonna rewind here because I think it’s funny in hindsight, but it means the dictionary reaction went like “SO...........I’M.............TRANS?” “What?” [thinking this is pushback on the idea] [PANIC MODE] “UH” “Like, literally, what does that word mean, I've never heard it in my life.” “OH. WELL. Heh. Uh. That internal reaction I had was embarrassing then, oops.”

Anyway.

Then the collective action was, “well, have you picked a name what do you MEAN you haven’t picked a name, we can’t just run about calling you by your deadname after all that”

And I tossed some names out, that I’m not going to list, because they were just fucking awful. So I got interventioned and the method became throwing names at me until they stuck.

Adam? Nah I knew an Adam and I can’t unassociate with that

Noah? Violin teacher’s third kid was named Noah. Same issue with Gabriel and Caleb.

Benjamin? I fucking grew up with a Benjamin he would kill me.

you get the idea.

And those were like, actual reasonable rejections. At least half the time I was just like “I DON’T LIKE HOW IT SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDS.” Take, for example, Josh. I 1) knew one in high school and he was a piece of work and 2) I just, inexplicably, don’t like how the word sounds.

Which is part irony and part masochism that JoshUA stuck.

I mean, that name had pre-existing connotations for me. I had played..........a game.........in high school. And given that my options were pretty shafted to Stereotypical White Boy Names if I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, some positive(?) pre-existing connotations were going to be needed.

Incidentally, I had a v. sweet trans girl offer me her deadname, which was a cool name, but just, like, didn’t fit me in particular so. She also picked her name by RNG tournament, with the top 10 baby names for her year being the competitors. Which was neat and worked well for her, but I know I would have just re-run the fucking tourney if I didn’t like the winner lol.

But anyway, continuing on to a less flowery story. I’ll add some blank lines so it’s skippable. No need to set off every other person with gender issues here.

Decided to come out to my family. Apparently time fuzzed down my memories of being devoured by mosquitos outside while my parents were trying to decipher that their kid was holding hands with a girl in the back of the van and that girl had been planned to sleep over that night, and despite the fact that booth teens wouldn’t be jumping to sex that fast nor had the equipment to make a kid between them....it was Reason For Concern like a straight couple sharing a bed.

I mean, my mom was convinced that anything touching the nether regions was SEX and PREMARITAL SEX was EVIL. But I digress.....again.

So. I tell them. And the reaction ranged from “well ok I mean you’ve always been weird” (thanks, bro) to “uh I guess my last name’s odds of getting inherited just doubled........?” to “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”

Yeah. That last one was word for word. Some stuff was thrown, lots of crying (”I CAN’T EVEN DO MY MAKEUP AND IT’S YOUR FAULT”)--both of which were not my doing, though I got shocked(?) into my own set of tears iirc.

I think I set a speed record for climbing back into the closet. Like, a week later, everyone was pretending it never happened. I sorta emotionally cut ties with my mom at that point--kept it civil, but Did Not Want to discuss my life or friends at all with her or in any way that would get back to her.

So obviously, no one in my family knows I go by Joshua. If they asked, I would tell them, but lo and behold, zero questions, they never brought it up again, etc. And I’ve been very careful about not letting that knowledge spread, not putting it on the internet in a way that connects back to my legal name, being primed at any point to pretend “Joshua” is a mutual friend and to not respond to that name if someone accidentally calls me by it.

Incidentally, during Yet Another Family Counseling that was at least performed at an individual level this time, my mom apparently told the counselor that she thought she handled that well. Last I checked, making the situation about yourself and doing the whole “woe is me, the mother, with a child like this” shpeal was not “well”.

And I mean the WHOLE shpeal. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to see the posts by parents of trans kids that wax soliloquy about losing their child and mourning their “death” (especially the ones that aren’t all “but I got a new kid!”) like, the ones especially cut from the same cloth that would be like “my child is autistic but ~I~ am the inspiration for waking up in the morning” like no, your kid is the inspiration for dealing with you.

And if anyone is wondering, this is basically the Midwest Stereotype for....LGBT, interracial dating, etc rejection imo. Seemingly ok with it, but NO WAIT HANG ON, NOT MY CHILD. Like, I legit had trans kids explained to me (albeit without terms for it) at a relatively young age by my mother and yet. “X exists but not in our good christian neighborhood” attitude. Ugh.

So where was I? Hmm, yes, funny Joshua stories. Ok I have like ONE story. One of my friends that was in the know finally got me to play Trails in the Sky. Now, this sucker has a chunk of text lead-in with a ~mysterious~ boy that young Estelle’s father has brought home, and the whole discussion skips his name, ending on “my name is....”. Then it time-skips to present day, finally casually dropping this dude’s name, which, obviously, is Joshua.

My friend did not tell me this.

No warning, nada. Only Estelle had really come up in conversation.

And then we collectively dragged another friend into the abyss with us, except he wasn’t in the know. We also had him streaming his playing sessions when our schedules coincided, which led to--because of a shitty accuracy stat--him yelling (as we did) “JOSHUA!” frequently in combat.

I debated on just responding “Yes?” randomly one day in the most casual closet-exit possible. Then procrastinated by deciding to just be out with it at the end of the first game since he’d also played twewy.

Some of you have probably started to eye my avatars with judgement in your hearts. That’s fair.

Anyway, we had forgotten about another character that practically had his name, so at least I had someone to share my weird feelings with.

And then, he started the second game, and I didn’t hold back on responding “yes?” every time “Joshua” was used as an interjection.

Also because of that one post about biblical names, I will respond to any use of “Jesus”.

[hotcookinmama]

HVFF Nashville -- My Story

Oh my gosh! That really happened!

This is the story of how I died.

No, wait. That’s the line from the beginning Tangled.

I guess I really didn’t die. Instead, I thrived!  Heroes & Villains Nashville (2017) was an amazing experience, and I’m so excited to share it with you.

Buckle up. This may be my longest post ever. I wrote this for my own keeping-track-of-my-memories benefit as well as a post to help other first timers who attend Heroes & Villains and to help re-experience the joy for those who attended.

It might help to understand that I’ve been wanting to do to a fan convention since I was 15 years old, and I’m 45 now. I remember watching Saturday Night Live (live, of course) when William Shatner was the guest host. He did that famous sketch set at a sci-fi convention. After getting some rather silly questions asking about the smallest minutia of Star Trek, he finally broke. He yelled at the convention attendees to “get a life”. He asked one guy “have you ever kissed a girl?” He told them they needed to move out of their parents’ basements.

As a die-hard Star Trek fan, I thought the sketch was hilariously funny but a tad bit close to home. Going to a sci-fi convention sounded wonderfully fun, but I was NEVER going to be THAT crazy! Nope. Like a normal kid, I moved out of my parents’ house when I went to college and married a guy three years later. The guy in question, however, was also a Trekkie and fellow geek. For years, we had talked about going to a con, but life was always in the way. School, work, kids, money. It was never the right time.

Everything finally aligned. When Heroes & Villains announced “Buy 1, Get 3 Free” general admission tickets for Nashville, I realized I could take my whole geek-loving family to a convention 35 minutes away for only $75.

Score!

I was really, truly going to be in the same room as Stephen Amell and David Ramsey. This was going to happen! Plus, my adorable 8-year-old daughter, Tea loved the idea of dressing as Felicity Smoak. This was going to be awesome. (My daughter’s name is longer than “Tea���, but since we all call her this nickname anyway, I might as well protect her identity a little.)

Then the awesomeness got even better. When HVFF announced that Melissa Benoist had joined the line up, @jbuffyangel started making plans to attend as well. Her daughter Lauren is a big Supergirl fan, and Jen decided to make this a special mother / daughter trip. (Jen has posted Lauren’s name multiple times on her blog, so I figure it’s safe for me to as well.)

Ya know… it’s all Jen’s fault. I’m in this fandom today because of her and now I’m in deeper than ever because of her.

Back in October 2014, in trying to make sense of “Unthinkable” (Arrow 2x23), I found Jen’s “How Oliver Queen Fell in Love with Felicity Smoak”, and I fell down the rabbit hole of fandom. Jen’s “The Ring” was the first fanfic I ever read. Now, I was able to attend my first convention having Jen, a convention veteran, by my side. We became internet friends in October 2015 due to me begging — ummmm — volunteering to beta / edit her fan fics. Thank you again @louiseblue1 for connecting us. I’m so grateful! Jen & I lamented several times that we wished that you, Lou, could be with us for this weekend.

This past weekend, however, Jen & I were able to become not just internet friends, but IRL friends as well. What a treasure!

The week started off with a major disappointment though. Melissa Benoist cancelled. No Supergirl for Lauren or Tea. And a rather pissed Jen. For good reason. When fans spend hundreds of dollars on airline tickets to attend a con, it really sucks when celebrities cancel, even if it’s for “work”. 

To ease Jen’s frustration and disappointment, I offered to pick them up from the airport when they arrived. Jen also mentioned that she had always wanted to visit Nashville and thought she and Lauren might do some fun stuff around town. I offered to be their tour guide. I LOVE being a tour guide for friends. It’s a blast to show people the best and most interesting things about places I love.

Friday afternoon, Tea & I picked up Jen & Lauren from the airport and got them checked in at their hotel. None of us had gotten lunch and, fortunately one of the best barbecue places around is right across the street from the hotel. It didn’t take long at all for 8.5-year-old Tea and just-turned 10-year-old Lauren to become fast friends. Hanging with Jen was awesome for me as well.

Folks… I gotta tell you. That wonderful brain of hers... the one that delivers such incredible insight into our favorite characters… it is always on!

Whether we were enjoying BBQ for lunch, touring around Nashville, having dinner with my husband later, standing in line to see David Ramsey the next day, or fighting traffic getting to dinner the next night, her brain was always making connections.

We got insights into the good & bad of season 2 (yep, plenty of bad stuff that people forget about!), her conversations with Marc Guggenheim, especially about 5x20, Stephen Amell’s height, speculation on behind-the-scenes issues and contracts, similarities between Olicity and CaptainSwan on Once Upon a Time, insights on negativity in the Arrow fandom, why How I Met Your Mother’s ending was so screwed up, how The Vampire Diaries should have ended, how various Arrow season 6 spoilers are all connected and so much more. In many ways, keeping up with her brain was the most challenging and enjoyable part of the weekend.

Saturday morning arrived and my crew was ready to go. Fortunately, all three of my kids were excited and in great moods. My teenage twin boys never want to pose for pictures, but they cooperated and we got this great family picture. If I do Christmas cards this year, this will be on it!

My whole family loves Arrow and we watch all four CW Arrowverse shows, but none of them are as passionate about it as I am. (duh) (At age 8, my daughter has only limited exposure to some of the shows.)

Fortunately, there were things at HVFF that interested each of them.

My husband got to see the car from Supernatural. (Cost $10 if you wanted a picture of you next to it.)

My boys found a trailer full of wide screens, comfortable seating and video games. We could even rent it for a future party (graduation, maybe?). Anytime they were bored at the con, they asked if they could go hangout in the video game trailer. So glad it was free!

My daughter couldn’t wait to try the space walk (also free).

First up for Arrow stuff… the John Barrowman panel.

We’re all big Doctor Who fans in this family too. In fact, I think I would be the only one who likes Arrow more than Doctor Who. So the boys wanted to see Barrowman, but I was a little concerned. I’ve seen videos from his panels before, and I knew they were NOT G-rated. Sure enough. Barrowman came out wearing a Doctor Who romper which he ripped open to reveal a Doctor Who dress.

(We were in the back, and this was the best picture I got. I won’t bore you with my other bad panel photos.)

He started out by telling a story about one of his early jobs doing song and dance here in Nashville long before he was ever on television. (Lots of stars have gotten their starts in Nashville, and not just country music ones either. Oprah, for instance.) Barrowman’s Nashville story, however, involved a drink spiked with laxatives, high kicking on stage, and people in the front row getting quite messy. If you want the gory details, here is the link to the video of the whole panel.

Even though my daughter was engrossed in a game on her tablet, and thankfully, not really paying attention to Barrowman, I decided it was best to not run the risk of her hearing anything even more inappropriate for her young ears. Us two girls left the panel to stand in line to see Stephen Amell. I wanted to get ahead of all of the people who would be getting into the line after Barrowman was done. Even so, the line was LONG! In fact, we had to stand in line to purchase our tickets to stand in line again.

As we were going from one line to the next, I spotted a bag that I had been looking for. It was @scu11y22’s Frak Cancer bag, so… that must be Tracy! It sure was!

Tracy was another one of the people I connected with early in my fandom experience. I remember checking her and Jen’s blogs daily on my browser long before I joined Tumblr or Twitter. We’ve connected in numerous ways online over the years, but the most special for me was recently when she agreed to co-host my Arrow Fandom Pampered Chef fundraiser to raise money for the fight against breast cancer. I knew I had to meet up with her at HVFF. After all, I had a set of cake pans to deliver to her! LOL!

I have always appreciated Tracy being such a positive force within the fandom. She doesn’t write fic but she’s the biggest fic cheerleader there is. Plus, no matter what’s happening on the show — even if she doesn’t like it — she tries to find a way to keep things positive in the fandom. Tracy was at the top of my list of fandom friends I wanted to find. I also was able to meet her posse.

@quant-um-fizzx, @redpensandgreenarrows, @ireland1733, @laurabelle2930

Meeting fandom friends at a con is a hoot. Out of habit, most people start with their real name.

“Hi, I’m Angela.”

That’s returned with a nice, “Oh, nice to meet you” and a hand shake.

Then someone else says, “Guys, that’s Hotcookinmama!” Then everyone says, “Hey!!! GREAT to meet you” and you get hugs. That process was repeated multiple times over the weekend.

Next time, I guess I’ll just lead with my screen name... or wear a button that says it. Tracy’s crew had the great idea of putting their screen names on their convention badges.

Back to Stephen’s line...

According to Jen and several others, Stephen almost never does selfies at his booth, but he was doing them this time. Most con veterans had told me that you get to spend more time doing an autograph than getting the professional photo-ops. I had wanted a picture, but I also wanted to chat a little. Since he was doing the selfies at his autograph booth, I figured we had the best of both worlds.

The lines were so long, that we stood in line for almost an hour before we even got a glimpse of him. From that glimpse, however, I could tell that the Code 8 beard was gone. Hallelujah!

During the time we stood in line, Barrowman’s panel ended, my husband took my daughter to get something to eat, my boys played video games in game trailer, and eventually we all gathered back together in time to meet Stephen. Unfortunately, we noticed the clock moving closer and closer to Stephen’s 1:30 panel slot. So did Stephen’s handlers, I’m sure. When we finally got up to meet him, he was very nice, but a bit rushed. He commented on my daughter being mini Felicity. He signed the photo collage I had brought, and we got our picture together. It all went by so fast.

As we were finishing up, I asked what kind of wedding will we see this year. He responded, “Ah, I can’t tell you that.” He thanked us for coming. And that was it. It still doesn’t even seem real that I actually met Stephen Amell!

We grabbed a quick bite to eat and my mini-Felicity found a seat next to a guy with an fantastic Green Arrow costume. I commented to the others at the table that I never thought I’d be eating lunch with Oliver and Felicity!

Next up… Stephen’s panel.

To get seats at the big panels, you have to line up beforehand. Then they carefully control how people are let into the seating area. They try to fill in all the gaps as they let people in. Since we had stopped to get a bite to eat, we were afraid we might not get any seats for Stephen’s panel. The cutoff for seats was right in front of us. Fortunately, a few seats were found after he had started and they ushered us in. We even had pretty good seats right behind the VIP section. This gave us a great view of the people asking questions.

Much to my surprise, I noticed Jen & Lauren in line to ask a question. Jen wasn’t even watching Stephen while she was in line. She was just typing on her phone. Was she texting during the panel?

No! She was live tweeting! She had her eyes on her phone and kept typing. All those informative tweets you all got during the panel… most of them was while she was standing in line! I know from my attempt at the experience the next day at the Arrow cast panel, it’s not easy. I’d much rather sit back and just watch the panel. So every time you enjoy a stream of great live tweets during a convention panel, know that the “reporter” is busy typing away instead of watching the panel.

Lauren did a fantastic job asking Stephen what he likes most about Felicity.

“I love how smart and how capable she is, that she can stand on her own and do her own thing. And I think that one of the biggest lessons that Oliver has had to learn is that he doesn’t always need to help her. He just needs to let her be her own person.”

Captain, my captain! I love how much Stephen loves and respects the character of Felicity Smoak!

Others have done a better job — and quicker job — recapping everything that was said at the panels. Here are some of my favorite parts:

He loved Nashville. Loved the atmosphere. He said it was as if Austin and New Orleans had a love child.

A fan asked if he had ever heard any good Arrow-themed pick-up lines. He responded “Hey girl, I’m all a quiver”. He said it was more of a “dad joke”.

He thought the beard was gross.Yay!

The flashbacks in season 6 will be move limited. There will be episodes without any flashbacks. The ones we get will also feature other character’s story lines. Oliver’s big 5-year flashback arc is complete. 

After the panel, my husband and kids did a little shopping. My teenage boys LOVED all the geek merchandise at the booths.  After a while, however, hubby and the twins decided they were tired and were ready to go home. So glad I had decided we were taking separate cars. Tea & I weren’t ready to go at all.

Jen wanted to get David Ramsey’s autograph and we noticed the VIP line wasn’t that long. She said it was fine if I tag along. She said David is usually really good at spending time with everyone, giving spoilers and fantastic hugs. She was 100% right! I stood there a couple feet away from Jen while they were chatting it up.

I took a picture of the very nice collection of David Ramsey photos. When you purchase an autograph, you can get it on your own merchandise or choose one of these photos.

David told Jen that Diggle and Oliver were going to clash early this season. He compared it to Civil War. (Pretty sure he meant Marvel’s Civil War and not the actual War Between the States.) When they were done, Jen and Lauren got their hugs. David saw me standing off a bit. He said “Come here” and wrapped me up in a huge hug. I thanked him and we walked off.

Jen was stoked about the spoiler and instantly started theorizing, but I was too moved by what had happened to say anything. She looked back at me and I realized I was crying a little. After having such a brief, rushed encounter with Stephen earlier in the day, I was so touched by how much time David took with us and how genuine he seemed to be.

As Jen later said in her HVFF post: “I was just so happy to be part of that purely joyful moment with her. It’s so rare when we are gloriously happy as human beings and she absolutely was.”

I will ALWAYS get in line to meet David again in the future.

Later in the day, the lines are much shorter. We spent time with Echo Kellum and Ming-Na Wen (Agent Melinda May on Agents of SHIELD and the voice of Mulan).

Echo was sweet and super tall.

Ming-Na Wen was even more sweet and so beautiful. She had bead bracelets and candy to give away to the kids who visited with her. And… damn, while looking her up to make sure I spelled her name correctly, I discovered she’s 53! Wow. She must have some of that non-aging cream that Stephen has.

The girls decided they wanted to enter the cosplay contest held at the end of the day. Each contestant walked across the stage and introduced themselves at the microphone. After Lauren walked by, one of the moderators said “who was that?” and the other shrugged his shoulders. These comic fan boys had no idea who Felicity Smoak was. Grrrrrrrr….

Tea went next and when she went up to the mic, she said her name and that she was dressed as Felicity Smoak. So proud of my girl walking up there all by herself! She didn’t seem scared at all. Our girls didn’t make the finals, but they did great and had fun.

There were some pretty fun and amazing costumes.

By the time the cosplay contest was over, we were wiped out, but we still had people we wanted to see. Jen & I both wanted to track down @dollyrose09 and we found her just before we left. She was also dressed as Felicity. “Felicity in the field” for her. Standing with our season 1 Felicity & season 2 Felicity, they made quite a trio.

While we chatted, our two Felicity girls had fun dancing.

Dolly headed to her photo-op, and we were ready to head to dinner. As we picked up Tracy and her friend Qwen @quant-um-fizzx from the front of their hotel, this giant sea of people was coming straight towards us from over the river.

In downtown Nashville, the Shelby Street Bridge is a old bridge that is now a pedestrian bridge. (For all you “Nashville” fans, it’s where Deacon proposed to Rayna.) It crosses the Cumberland River and connects the football stadium to the rest of downtown. The out-of-town visitors in my van were a bit taken a back. I don’t remember if it was Jen or Tracy, but one of them said that they had only seen a swarm of people crossing a river like that in movies, and it usually meant it was the apocalypse. We all laughed that these folks didn’t look like zombies or people fleeing zombies. They were, in fact, all leaving a US Soccer match that had been held at Nissan Stadium. Good thing we had decided to get out of downtown for dinner!

On the way to dinner, we had another stop on our Nashville tour. We drove pass one of the houses that they use for the show Nashville. Yep, here’s Deacon’s house.

Dinner was a Five Points Pizza (named for the Five Points area of East Nashville — not the shape of the pizza) and was delicious!

Several times I just had to pinch myself. Here I was sitting next to Jen and across from Tracy, two of my favorite people in the fandom, chatting it up about all things television and especially Arrow. If you ask my family, they would say that I’m a talker, but I was one of the quiet ones (along with my new friend Qwen) at the table. That was fine by me!

By the time we dropped off everyone at their hotels, it was too late for the girls to go swimming like we had planned. Not wanting to deny our daughters their swim trip, we made plans to meet in the morning. Jen’s hotel had a roof-top pool, and it opened at 8 am.

Unfortunately, hubby wasn’t with us on Sunday. He woke up with a bad headache and decided to stay home.

Day 2 of the convention was a lot less crowded! Jen said it’s usually like that at most cons. The lines were much shorter and it was easier to get seats at the panels.

The Arrow cast panel was first thing in the morning. Stephen wasn’t on this panel since he had his panel the day before. This one had David Ramsey, Rick Gonzalez, Echo Kellum, Katrina Law, Caity Lotz, and Madison McLaughlin. This time I was going to try my hand at live tweeting. Then Tea said she wanted to ask a question. Sure, let’s go get in line! Live tweeting while standing is too hard for me. I did, however, get a great video of David Ramsey dancing!

https://twitter.com/hotcookinmama2/status/884080356751749124

Since I was standing in line with Tea, I decided to come up with my own question. At dinner the night before, our group had lamented that we’ve never learned anything about Diggle’s parents. We know he’s from the Glades and we know his brother’s story, but we’ve never heard anything about his parents.

So, that turned into my question. “We know about Oliver’s family and Felicity’s family, will we ever learn about Diggle’s mom and dad?”

David joked “Diggle was hatched! He came out just like this.” He said it was an excellent question (cool!) and that they’ve been talking about it for season 6. Then he said that he thinks we’ll see a Diggle relative this season, “at least one”. He said “that will be important to the script.” Wooo-hooo!

Then Tea asked her question. She asked the new people how they have enjoyed becoming part of the show. Rick Gonzalez (Rene Ramirez) said he was very excited. He didn’t know that he would be playing Wild Dog when he auditioned. When he found out, he said “the 10 year old inside of me was jumping for joy!” Madison McLaughlin (Evelyn Sharp) also didn’t know that she was going to be playing Artemis. She remembers the first day meeting Rick and Joe (Ragman). It was the day they shot the “On the line!” scene. They all went out for dinner afterwards. “I realized that I didn’t just join a show. I joined a family. I love these people. They’re awesome.”

Going back and listening to our voices on the official videos of the panels, I realized that my voice sounds a whole lot more nervous than my daughter’s. She’s a champ!

I’m very glad they’ve posted all three panels (Stephen Amell’s, John Barroman’s and the Cast Panel). When watching the video, it doesn’t seem fast paced, but it’s hard to digest it all when you’re sitting there. While sitting in the seats, I was easily distracted by my kids and other people moving around. I tried live tweeting during the cast panel, but I only got a handful of tweets out. By the time I finished with one, I was engrossed in the next question. It’s a lot to take in.

After a little archery practice...

... shopping ...

(I LOVED finding geek-themed kitchen items!)

... and lunch, I went to get my David Ramsey autograph.

Even though the line wasn’t long, it was very slow moving. As frustrating as that is while standing in line, it’s SOOOO worth it because David spends time with each and every fan, including several I knew!

I wish my husband had been there that day, but we got some FANTASTIC family pictures with David. His arms are so long, he didn’t have any trouble holding the phone and doing the selfies himself! What a pro!

After getting our pictures and autograph, I reminded him that I was the one who asked about Diggle’s parents. He thanked me for that. He’s looking forward to that story line. I then asked him a question that was inspired by a conversation I had with Tracy @scu11y22 at lunchtime.

I said, “I’m working on a story that involves Oliver having to ‘out’ himself as the Green Arrow. What do you think Diggle’s reaction would be if Oliver ever had to do that?”

Quick as an arrow, he said, “He’d become the Green Arrow.” Then he shook his head like he had been caught. “Oh man, now I gotta tell you this. You managed to guess the plot for the first 6 episodes of season 6.”

“Wow,” I responded. “I guess I better finish my story before then, huh?” I thanked him a whole lot and walked away shaking like a leaf in a storm.

Jen was standing nearby but hadn’t joined me in line so she didn’t hear the conversation. As I walked away, she saw me and thought that I was just emotional about meeting David again. I shook my head. I couldn’t even talk. After a minute, I explained that I just got the BIGGEST spoiler. I told her what David had just told me and she said “You need to tweet the hell out of that, girl! Your twitter is going to explode!” She was 100% right.

As our girls were standing in line to do a “space walk” bungee-jumping thing, Jen helped me get out my tweets. My heart was racing and my thumbs were all over the place. She took my phone and edited my tweets for me to get them to fit. I laughed… All those times I’ve edited her words, and now she’s editing mine! She joked “the student becomes the teacher.” LOL!

For the next several hours, my phone was almost useless. I was getting Twitter notifications every second or two. I’ve never experienced that! 

We finished our shopping — telling Jen that my daughter wanted to get a “Pop” caused confusion. She thought I meant a soda drink and I was talking about a Funko Pop figure. LOL! — and headed out the door, exhilarated and exhausted.

I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that much adrenaline and exhaustion at the same time. I was wired. I have a new appreciation for what it must feel like to be on Team Arrow. So pumped up and yet having your body be so spent at the same time.

Dropping off Jen and Lauren at the airport was sad, as much for Tea as it was for me. We had both had a wonderful time creating and developing friendships. We were sad to see the weekend come to an end. At least I knew that I would still be contact with Jen on a regular basis. We both assured our girls that we would help them stay in contact electronically.

Thank you so much for sitting through this whole post. Being my first con, I really wanted to document it as completely as possible, for my own sake more than anyone else’s. I hope that it will be a help to those who have not yet been to a con as well.

To finish my post, I want to thank Jen and all the amazing, awesome fandom friends that I met in person at HVFF and apologize for the ones I missed. I felt especially bad about missing @mel-loves-all . I really, really hope we have another chance to meet up sometime.

It was fantastic to be able to put faces to names!

Dolly  @dollyrose09 (@Duckyrose09 on Twitter)

@vaelisamaza Vanessa (@varellanoemo on Twitter) & Jason @jpg_pr (@JPG_PR on Twitter)

Forgive me if I missed anyone!

This fandom is wonderful, y’all. Thanks for making my first con such a delightful experience.

Y’all come back now, ya hear!