#and a heart murmur

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

God I swear I’m not trying to be all doom and gloom talking about my health I know it’s annoying I just really need a break and everyone irl is already done with my shit bc I’ve been too anxious to go back to the doctor bc the last one told me I’d just have to deal with it and potentially get more surgeries and I’m 23 dude. It took nearly 3 years before my doctor even agreed that that surgery was necessary and it didn’t even fully fix my shit it just lessened the pain — which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong! But I haven’t had full limb function in my left arm since I was 15 and they made it sound like the surgery would fix it and then acted like I was overreacting when it didn’t. And my left leg has been deeply fucked for nearly as long, and at least slightly fucked at least since I hit double digits, and has gotten progressively worse. So like I know, I get it that I need to go to a doctor, but why would it go better now? What’s going to make a doctor take me seriously now?

I want to be angry, but I’m too tired.

[dejablonde]

I don't remember if I posted this here when I initially took it, but I'm thinking about it again, so enjoy.

[3m0-b1tchhh]

[lilithhb]

First post of my heartbeat in years lol…

My heart was beating all weird the other day so I recorded it…

[billystorm]

some paintings of my cat. his name is andy

[sidsforeverhome]

Black 🐈‍⬛ Cat Appreciation Day My Beautiful Boy ❤️

[wiltedprayers]

EUGENE NO! DONT JOIN THE MARINES! YOU'LL BE TRAUMATIZED AND FACE HORRORS BEYOND HUMAN COMPREHENSION. EUGENEEE

[heycallmeplease]

I love you, it's ruining my life.

[3heartmind3]

Here is a new file of my heart at rest in front of the computer. Smart Working is nice but my heart beats like this for 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week.

3 minutes of heartbeat recorded with the stethoscope placed on the left side of the left breast stuck under the bra. You can hear the ever-present mitral murmur that accompanies every beat of my heart.

[elisaenglish]

Drink, Mina. Join me in eternal life.

[housederiva]

I’ve talked about it a few times on my main blog but I’m going through a very difficult time in my life right now and it’s going to be getting exponentially more stressful starting at the beginning of September. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Veilguard coming out this fall is the only thing in my life I’m looking forward to and it feels like it’s gonna be my reward for not completely breaking down

Anywho! The point of this post was to thank you guys for sharing the joy with me xx

[lilithhb]

🫀Experiences;

One night, in a room.

Years ago I went to a school trip with some friends.

I had these friend who I loved a lot during that time, I am a very loving person so I remember hugging him a lot and he would do the same. It was nice because he was taller than me so I could listen to her heart every time I wanted to by hugging him.

As I’ve had a heart condition for a time now he always took care of me making sure that I felt okay. Something that beyond cardiophilia I always found it cute.

“Did you take your pills?” “Make sure not to eat much junk food” “How is your heart?” “Everything okay with your dumb pump” are small examples of the things he used to say to me. I had that trust in which I would lie next to him and sometimes he would put his hand on my chest while doing stuff, feeling my heart. Something that I told him made me feel safe.

I remember the movement of his hand going up and down following my heartbeat as Ive always had a visible heartbeat.

I remember him getting worried when my heart decided to skip some beats while his hand rested on my chest. “Its fine” I would say, “It does that sometimes” and the he would say that it should not happen again as if I could control my heartbeat hehe….

During that trip he was extra careful with me. We had long walks and he would always walk next to me as I would get tired easily because of my condition. My heart always beating erratically with skips and pauses with the sun making me a sweat mess. He would take my wrist to feel my pulse just to know about my condition. One time he even putted his palm against my chest to feel it directly while he told me I should follow his breathe to calm my heart.

One afternoon after one of those long walks both of us sneaked into his room (girls and boys could not share room during this trip for obvious reasons) to rest and talk. We had small conversations but I was too tired to keep the dialogue going, so after a small silence he got closer and laid his hand on my chest once again. My heart beating strong following a fast pace.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, I started blushing for some reason, it never actually mattered to me that he put his hand on my chest but somehow I felt more vulnerable this time. “No, I mean yeah kinda” I reply. “You should rest then…”

I don’t really remember who things went, but we lay down on his bed, where after some time trying to sleep he would sit and watch me straight to my eyes asking me if he could listen to my heart. My heart started to race more in answer to the question, which I stuttered to reply with a yes.

He would lay his head on my chest while his hand rested on my wrist. I remember that I was having an arrhythmia during that time, so he would comment about every skip and rhythm change my heart would make, he told about how beautiful it was for him to listen the one thing that keeps working so hard, and kinda poorly, to keep me alive.

I remember his breathing, his head moving up and down my every shake my chest had in response to hard little pump. His attempts to follow my heartbeat with smalls “pump pum” coming from his mouth.

I loved every second of it. I never felt soy listened in my life. And we stayed like that for hours until the night came. I did fall sleep at the end, when I woke up I was hugging his head against my chest, with my heart beating slowly with the same pace of his breathing.

This was my attempt of writing some of my cardiophile experiences, sorry for the bad English I am not a native speaker;;; I have many more to tell so perhaps this is only the first of many posts with my experiences, who knows?

[coquette-heartbeat]

Sneak peak at some recordings coming 🤭 For reason my heart is a mess today (guessing from last night 😅 oops)

Apparently I have murmur tho? That’s new….

[spaghettimakesflags]

heart murmur and heart defect pride flag

[pileofpawns]

I share this story a lot so apologies if you know me outside of tumblr and have already heard it

I have some cardiovascular problems and have to go to a cardiologist every now and then to make sure I’m not about to die or whatever. One time the doctor has a med student or something shadowing him. The doctor’s using the stethoscope on me, y’know, standard procedure, and then he stops to call the med student over like “hey come here and listen she has a really good murmur”

I was used as an example for a med student because of my heart murmur. That’s so fucking funny to me. It’s like when you’re in elementary school and the teacher uses your work as an example for the other kids. I GOT A GOOD GRADE IN HEART PROBLEMS.