#and Xie Lian's precious jade

[symphonyofsilence]

Shidi's got you

(Do you ever think about how the protagonist's spiritual weapon, his greatest strength and a part of his identity is always returned to him by the brother figure with whom he usually has a complicated relationship? As if he's strongest, and is most himself when he's with his old friend and companion?)

[ruoye-enthusiast]

hua cheng so valid to be jealous of fxmq tbh. if they were my beloveds attendants/best friends/it’s complicated but the devotion’s still there i would be SICK

[axxa-the-allikatt]

I found this in my drafts. I did not recheck it. I do not trust myself, so if there is something wrong with the fic, just pretend a middle schooler wrote it or something. Yea.

***

Imagine,

Pretty boys, who have the most dazzling smile you’ve ever laid your eyes on, but who look so much prettier while crying, whimpering and begging, all for you.

Pretty boys, who have the most beautiful jade like skin, just sensitive enough to leave cute little red marks, as you mark them as yours, and yours only.

Pretty boys, who have the most luscious and silky hair, who take care of it like their most prized possession, allowing only you to tangle your fingers in it, to tug at it so mindlessly, especially when you force them to look at you.

Pretty boys, who have the most prettiest outfits, little dresses and skirts, that they’ve never dared to wear in public, until you came along, ready to gouge anyone’s eyes out if they stared at your precious doll for more than a second.

Pretty boys, who wear a collar when they go to any event with you, readily accepting the fact that everyone must know that they belong to you, and only you.

Pretty boys, who throw hissy fits whenever you refuse to play with them, knowing full well that dolls that behave badly must be punished (which was really their whole point of throwing a fit, but they daren’t say it out loud lest you throw them away into the toy box for a few hours as real punishment.).

Pretty boys, who would never ever go against your orders, because they’re scared that you’ll throw them away, akin to how children would throw away the dolls they’ve been playing with for so long and have gotten bored of.

Pretty boys, who wish they could make time stop at moments where you lovingly take care of them, be it doing their skin and hair care, or dressing them up, but especially during the time when they still feel the afterglow of sex, when you murmur sweet nothings into the crook of their neck, telling them how precious they are to you, and how they are your most priced possession, one you’ll never let go of, even after they become so yesterday.

Pretty boys, who believe with their body, mind and soul, that their purpose in life is to be the most precious doll, your most precious doll.

***

Xie lian, Chigiri, Xie lian, Chigiri, Xie lian, Chigiri, Mu Qing (😩), Shi qingxuan, Isagi, Rin, Sae, Ukyo, Stanley, SANZU, Mikey, Kakucho (with hair 😔), Rindou, Baji + your favs 💅✨

[citronverveine]

In the new TGCF extra of the revised version, which is about Hua Cheng finding his true form ugly, Hua Cheng talks about a jade spirit who, even though it was a beautiful natural uncut jade, wanted to be carved and polished to become even more unique and beautiful. However when it found someone to do the work, it was cut wrong, crooked, and the jade was devastated. 🥹

In the end, it came to Hua Cheng and he was the one to fix it, but this story is SO easily comparable to how he himself felt about his right eye or overall appearance. He could have been considered naturally beautiful, but he hated his right eye so much and eventually carved it out. Only, instead of making things better, he still looked disfigured (in his opinion). 🥺 So he hid it and kept switching between this or that appearance.

This story and comparison is even more meaningful to me because Xie Lian, in the novel, compared young Hua Cheng to a jade when talking about his skills, saying he even had the potential to ascend, and thought about taking him in just like he did with Mu Qing. 🥹

Hua Cheng really is a precious, natural uncut jade. Even carved, crooked or not, he is still beautiful inside and out. 🥹

[fun-mxtx-polls]

E'ming vs. Sandu

E'ming propaganda:

I just had to come here and wax poetically about E-Ming. Not only is he a) a deadly scimitar that can and has defeated gods, b) the legendary weapon of the strongest ghost king, and c) made USING that ghost king’s eye, he’s also the goodest boy to have ever existed.

He’s basically a puppy dog in sword form and he just wants love and pets. He’s so expressive and adorable that Xie Lian completely ignore all warnings to avoid him to instead treat him like the puppy he is.

Plus there’s his creation story! (Spoilers for TGCF). Back when Hua Cheng was still a weak ghost on Mount Tonglu, he chose to pretext a group of lost mortals by ripping out his eye and forging E-Ming as a weapon. It was a dangerous and risky choice that could have forever separated Hua Cheng from Xie Lian, but he still did it simply because he cares more about others than he likes to admit. E-Ming represents Hua Cheng’s weakness and humanity and even though Hua Cheng resents him for that, Xie Lian loves him for it all the same.

Therefore E-Ming is a) a badass sword, b) an adorable puppy who deserves love, and c) a physical representation of who Hua Cheng is and how he and Xie Lian perceive him. E-Ming is precious and deserves all the votes (and pets)!

Also he just looks really, really cool too! (submitted by @alittlelessalone)

Sandu propaganda:

Purple! Tassels! The drama version is so pretty (and sandu(three poisons) themed)! Iridescent purple snake(?)skin sheathe! With a silver snake on it! And snakes on the handguard with little purple gemstone eyes! The cute lil frog!!! Literally chilling on the top of the handle!!! Pretty lanyard tassel thing with a jade lotus charm! Even the blade is pretty! (submitted anonymously)

(tag by @absolmon)

[freewilllife]

Xie Lian´s reason for choosing his two "friends"- Xie Lian´s living conditions

I. Xie Lian is a peerlessly impressive person

One of the more interesting points in Xie Lian´s previous life is that the Crown Prince of Xianle was extraordinary in the best sense possible.

Xie Lian was extraordinarily beautiful, intelligent, gifted in material arts, and apparently also the "best person one could be"...

"The State Preceptor laughed." It´s nothing, it´s nothing. His Higness the Crown Prince, darling of the heavens, is divinely gifted, marvelously talented, and graciously brilliant. It is fortune accumulated from three lifetimes that gave this lowly subject the chance to become his teacher. I have a feeling that with His Highness the Crown Prince´s presence, today will go down in history."

"Yet when they gazed upon his face, their breathing hitched. That young man had long brows and charming eyes, exceptionally handsome, radiating nobility, so dazzling it forced down the eyes of those looking."

But there is one crux with this...A person like this hardly finds other people he can relate to...

II. The Crown Prince of Xianle was a lonely figure

Xie Lian grinned."Feng Xing, did you know-there are so many people in this world that are nothing but rocks in my eyes."

A very good question: Had Xie Lian any other friends in the past beside those two? Well, you won´t find any.

Even among the other disciples, we didn´t hear of even one disciples that Xie Lian fancied in every way. Even though he was quite popular. There seemed to be quite many people who would have given I don´t-know-what for his company. Yet Xie Lian was not close with many people.

Even when he was - nearly- at the height of his popularity as Crown Prince - there was a clear distance between him and the other people besides his parents - even with them the relationship had become quite rocky.

I just want to make clear, that it was unbelievable hard to be chosen as Xie Lian´s friend in the past. He tended to not give people he perceived as not that important too much attention.

Xie Lian has hardly ever been a completely open person that was able to instantly connect with people. Even as Crown Prince, he kept mostly two people around: Feng Xin and Mu Qing.

III. The relationship with his parents

Xie Lian was a teenager of 17 years and he started to become independent from his parents, trying to go his own way.

And the relationship with his father had grown quite tense, as his son - who was still clueless about the difficulties to rule a country, judged his father quite negatively.

It was well-known fact that the crown prince was obsessed with cultivation, and ever since he entered the Royal Holy Temple, he visited his parents less and less. The king didn´t comment much on the matter, but the queen was always reluctant to see him go.

IV. The choice of his "comrades"

"There are rocks everywhere, but precious jades are hard to come by. When it comes to martial arts, I´ve only ever seen two people who could be called jades. one is you. The other is him." He stopped and turned, eyes bright. "I genuinely think that Mu Qing is extremely gifted. How could I let such a precious jade be left to collect dust, denied from showing ist beauty simply because of its background and temper?“ Xie Lian looked determined.“No I think that´s wrong. You ask why I think so highly of him? It´s the same reason I think so highly of you. Those who are destined to shine, I must let them shine. Besides I don´t believe that goodwill brings bad returns.“

Believe it or not...Xie Lian - the martial arts fanatic- chose his friends based on their abilities in martial arts.

Or at least...it seemed like this...but please don´t let yourself be fooled by words...This was surely a very important reason for Xie Lian´s choice, but not the only reason...

Both Feng Xin and Mu Qing share some similarities with Xie LIan besides being great at martial arts...

Both of them keep to themselves, just like Xie Lian.

Both of them shared similar values with Xie Lian.

And Xie Lian was aware of it, since he did not need to explain to them in some instances how to act.

and it was thanks only to Feng Xin and Mu Qing - who sat at the front and grabbed the reins to guide the horse - that this berserk journey did not cost at least twenty lives.

guess that Xie Lian could have observed them both...or he just had a hunch that they could fit him...I don´t know...but for example Xie Lian pretty sure realized it in Mu Qing, when he helped him during the festival...and then there is the thing with their mothers...

All three have some strong bonds with either their mother (Mu Qing, Xie Lian) or other mothers (Feng Xin)

Xie Lian is a momma boy...First thing he did after he comes back to the palace, he was meeting his mother, the queen.

Xie Lian went to meet with the queen straightaway.

It is really easy to realize how much Xie Lian loved his mother. He can easily compliment her...and even in one of his darkest hours, when he tried very hard to not let it crumble, he desperately wished to cling to his mother like a young child again. Apparently he also produces vernom in the kitchen, due to his mother being bad at cooking.

I guess it is apparent that Mu Qing loved his mother with how often this had been previously mentioned. Even the gold leaf he took, would have been a present to her.

And Feng Xin? He broke his arm for the queen...

[mxtxfanatic]

Xie Lian grinned, “Feng Xin, did you know, there are so many people in this world that are nothing but rocks in my eyes.”

Feng Xin didn’t understand. Xie Lian walked with his hands behind his back, “Rocks are everywhere, but precious jades are hard to come by. When it comes to martial arts, I’ve only ever seen two people who could be called jades. One is you. The other, is him.”

He suddenly stopped in his step, turned his head around, his eyes shining brightly, “I truly think that Mu Qing is extremely gifted. Such a precious jade, how can it be sat to let dust collect and hide its beauty just because of backgrounds and temper?”

Xie Lian looked determined, “No! I think that’s wrong. You ask why I think so highly of him? It’s the same reason as why I think so highly of you. Ones that are destined to shine, I must let them shine. Besides, I don’t believe that good will brings bad returns.”

—Chapt. 61: Lost Red Pearl; Inadvertent Eyes Red with Desire (Part Two)

Xie Lian helps Mu Qing, first and foremost, because despite Mu Qing’s bad attitude, his martial skill still deserves to be honed and admired. The friendship is an added bonus, but Xie Lian went into this with the conviction that a person must be allowed to shine for their skills.

[the-deal-breaker]

Xianle Quad Children - Name changes!!!

It has come to my attention that my names were wayyyy off. So here I am again this time with more actual 'correct' names. If im off again let me know

Min Qing - Mu Zhaofeng

(mù) meaning "admire, desire"

(zhào) meaning "omen, sign", (fēng) meaning "abundant, plentiful, lush, bountiful"

Jūn Lian - Xie Yulin

(xiè) one of many meanings “to thank”

(yù) meaning "jade, precious stone, gem",(lín) meaning "continued rain"

Jie Lian - Xie Shujing

(xiè) one of many meanings “to thank”

(shū) meaning "good, pure, virtuous, charming", (jīng) meaning "clear, crystal"

Mei Lian - Xie Aibing 

(xiè) one of many meanings “to thank”

(ài) meaning "love" (bīng) meaning "weapon, army"

Hao Qing - Mu Zhengli

(mù) meaning "admire, desire"

(zhēng) meaning "high, noble" and  (lì) meaning "white jasmine"

Xiá Cheng - Hua Yueying

(Hua) meaning "splendid, illustrious, flowery

(yuè) meaning "exceed, go beyond" (yīng) meaning "luster of gem, crystal".

Now if all these are correct and there not like offensive. Then we're good, and I need to come up with nicknames for them cause now thier names are really long

[lanchang]

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My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i dont think that xie lian calling feng xin and mu qing "precious jades" means that he thought of them exactly like property or anything but they were his bodyguard and his servant and i think that relationship was reflected in that line. he valued them in a lot of ways, both as friends and as two people who were close to him very skilled and well-trained. and i also think that the precious jades line is sweet like awww youre 15 and you think your two best friends are the most special people in the world <3 and youre right

37 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#4

47 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

#3

[ID: a screenshot of fu yao and nan feng from the TGCF donghua standing next to each other with slightly dumbfounded expressions. overlaid top text reads "second guesser 🤝 face-value assessment" bottom text reads "idiot moves"]

74 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#2

who is the most femme camp queen pussy cunt cunt slay character in either mdzs or tgcf 🎤

RATING TGCF CHARACTERS BY HOW FEMME CAMP QUEEN PUSSY CUNT CUNT SLAY THEY ARE

DISCLAIMER: i dont know what im talking about. minor spoilers for book 3

XIE LIAN: has had at least one femme moment but idk about camp or queen and only a little pussy but pretty cunt cunt and slay overall. half credit for being the flower crowned martial god and half off for being a trash god of scraps 5/10

HUA CHENG: femme (known to take the form of a sexy evil woman) ✅️ camp (mayor of ghost city) ✅️ queen (mayor of ghost city) ✅️ pussy cunt cunt (youve read the book) ✅️ slay (c'mon) ✅️ overall 100000/10

MU QING: he is not femme he is vain and insecure he is not camp he is actually very self conscious he is not queen but well maybe a little queen and very pussy cunt cunt slay. 8/10

FENG XIN: unfortunately basically none of these words apply to him but he gets a point for suggesting that xianle citizens get jacked to combat human face disease that was kind of a camp moment imo 1/10

QI RONG: femme❌️ camp ❌️queen❌️ pussy cunt cunt ✅️ slay ❌️would have had more points if he was pink but hes green. i reformatted this post and forgot my rating umm 3.5/10

JUN WU: he is SO not femme camp queen pussy cunt cunt slay he is incel daddy dom 2014 tumblr -100000/10

SHI QINGXUAN: perfect score but didnt die like hua cheng so no extra credit 10/10

HE XUAN: he did die so +2 but not camp or pussy so -2 overall also 10/10

YIN YU: tbh even less femme camp queen pussy cunt cunt slay than feng xin except for when he told quan yizhen to kill himself 2/10

QUAN YIZHEN: none of the above 0/10 which is also a perfect score in a different way

LING WEN: all of the above AND girlboss but didnt die 100/10

PEI MING: tbh also kinda incel daddy dom 2014 tumblr but he canonically fucks so only like -2/10 (sorry to pei ming likers i am not one of you but he is very funny)

SHI WUDU: im gonna be real i havent reread black water arc in like 2 years i dont remember his personality very well at all ummm 3/10 he gave cunt he served he died

i cant think of any more characters ✌️

75 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

mulian is sooooo complicated like god.... platonic or romantic whatever the case its just tragic how mu qing thought xie lian was too good for him like how could they ever actually be friends BUT at the same time he also didnt think the gap between them was fair or fitting of their actual skills and xie lian occupied this very specific place in society that mu qing was always so far away from no matter how hard he worked (as mortals) and yet even though mu qing KNEW that he wasnt actually that far below xie lian he still didnt think any of that or their entire relationship meant they could be friends.... AND despite all that he still in awe of xie lian the whole time he thought xie lian was amazing.....

92 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[freewilllife]

13. Shi Wudu has never felt guilty for his deeds and did not even recoginize He Xuan at first, but still had a 10.000 times worse fate than the real mass murderer of this work.

14. Nie Mingue hated Jin Guanyao for features his own younger brother Nie Huaisang excelled to such a degree that he literally beat Jin Guanyao in it.

15. There is only one person that does believe that Mu Qing is better than Xie Lian regarding his abilities and I do think even that person doubts it.

16. Xue Yang drove the only person he may have cared for into suicide and still has never been able to do his homework regarding that.

17. Xie Lian´s memory loss might be a consequence of his trauma, yet Mu Qing´s good memory might be a consequence of his trauma.

18. In contrast to the common belief, neither Feng Xin, nor Mu Qing have left Xie Lian voluntarily. The person that cut the rope was Xie Lian...that common tale is so persuading, that even Xie Lian believes it.

19. Jun Wu killed so many people, because he " just wanted to be friends".

20. Xie Lian´s cousin Qi Rong possesses no sympathy for other people, yet he may possess the best knowledge of human nature in the entire series. (He was able to see many clues that were a mystery to other people like Xie Lian´s pride, Mu Qing´s aspirations, Jun Wu being a faker, Shi Wudu having a black heart and he realized pretty soon how important Hua Cheng was to Xie Lian).

21. At the end of the series Feng Xin partly suffers Mu Qing´s fate, as the wildest rumours were spreading regarding the fact that "his wife and son" have left him and that happens to that degree that partly even Mu Qing feels sorry for him.

22. Since Wei Ying enjoyed the reputation of a womanizer that would never sink as low as "being a mad cut-sleve", nobody believed at first that he was reborn. Still he did not mind to prove them wrong!

23. Mu Qing believes that "gods can´t do shit" for human beings.

24. Xie Lian had not only two red pearl earrings, but also "two precious jades".

25. Jing Ling inherited his looks from his mother, the arrogance from his father and his taste for naming dogs from his uncle.

26. One reason that Wei Ying recognized that Nie Huaisang was the second mastermind was the fact that he was a very vain men proud in his appearance.

here's a few reminders for the mxtx fandom

1. Wei Wuxian had 2 older sister figures in his life and they both died trying to save him and in the end failed since he died anyway. (RIP Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli)

2. Mu Qing only ever had his mom other than XL and FX and she died a mortal death. We don't know anything about FX's mortal family.

3. Wen Ning was experimented on for 13 years in captivity after seeing his sister's ashes and blames himself still for wwx's downfall

4. He Xuan cannot leave the world even after his revenge to Shi Wudu and is purposeless for all of his immortal life.

5. Jin Ling will never taste her mom's handmade favourite soup.

6. Canon Feng Xin and Mu Qing do not know what happened at the temple to Xie Lian.

7. Jiang Cheng will probably never be good enough in his own eyes (until he has like grand-nephews or something)

8. Shi Qingxuan will (probably) die a mortal death.

9. Some of Nie Huaisang's last words to Nie Mingjue were that he never wanted to be a clan leader.

10. XL and WWX both tried to protect a certain demographic that got wiped out anyway and made them public enemies and reason for their eventual downfall making it essentially ineffective.

11. All the calamities are actually gods who could or did ascend heaven.

12. Xiao Xingchen killed himself after finding out he wiped out villages full of innocent people and his own best friend who he gave up his eyes for. And realising his pursuit of helping the world was worthless.

[mimimar]

the crown prince’s precious jades

[mqfx]

Xie Lian grinned. “Feng Xin, did you know, there are so many people in this world that are nothing but rocks in my eyes.”

Feng Xin didn’t understand. Xie Lian walked with his hands behind his back.

“Rocks are everywhere, but precious jades are hard to come by. When it comes to martial arts, I’ve only ever seen two people who could be called jades. One is you. The other is him.”

He suddenly stopped in his step, turned his head around, his eyes shining brightly.

“I truly think that Mu Qing is extremely gifted. Such a precious jade; how can it be left to collect dust, and hide its beauty just because of background and temper?” Xie Lian looked determined. “No! I think that’s wrong. You ask why I think so highly of him? It’s the same reason as why I think so highly of you. Ones that are destined to shine, I must let them shine. Besides, I don’t believe that goodwill brings bad returns.”

[sokkalore]

i literally love the precious jades part so much but also the way xie lian talks about mu qing in the next sentence is so funny he sounds like a cat owner explaining that their mildly evil cat who bites and scratches and shits outside the litter box is actually very wonderful and talented and sweet.

[missveryvery]

WAIT....

Xie Lian) aw. I also had two precious jades :)

Xie Lian) *internal ugly sobbing*

Oh my god, your brain is huge, I can't believe I didn't think to check the credits before, I don't know if you found it since then but I'm like 98% sure this is him in the credits, I wasn't able to find the voice actor himself tho... The charachter is credited as Xiǎo Shìwèi - Little Bodyguard, which is just adorable!!

LITTLE GUARD?!?! I LOVE HIM?!?? *sobsob* NOOO THAT'S SO CUTE?!?

Thank you for looking it up ;0;!!!

LITTLE BODYGUARD?!?!! I'LL DIE?!

*cries*

I mean

we could name him Xiao Shiwei

This is a real ass name that's also "Xiao Shiwei":

蕭士瑋 but it's pronounced differently than Little Guard.

First is the tone markings for the name, second is for Little Guard

Xiao: common family name, can mean dreary or Chinese mugwort

Shi: Master (same character as the Shi brothers)

Wei: Reddish Jade, precious/rare

The real Xiao Shiwei was a Ming Dynasty official.

I'm so down for his little boyfriend to be named Xiao Shiwei ;0;!!!!!

[dark-heart-555]

Mu Qing

I wish that mu qing would have the opportunity to find out that xie lian once thought of him as a precious jade

[nillegible]

[Deleted scene from the one where WWX takes YZY’s place at the BM! ANd guess what, apparently I have more of this fic written than I realized! That WIP title thing was a good idea!!!]

“I threw him into the burial mounds. It’s a pity I couldn’t watch, but I could hear the screaming. He screamed for three days, after that all I heard was chewing. Even if you’re stupid enough to go look for him, I’m sure the corpses have finished eating him by now,” says Wen Chao.

No.

Please no.

He didn’t deserve such a grotesque fate.

“So he,” paid the price for bringing ruin to Lotus Pier, she wants to say, but the words stick in her throat. Yu Ziyuan hates lying.

Brought ruin to Lotus Pier? He’d only tried to protect a girl from being branded on the face. If Yu Ziyuan had been there, she would have done the same, would have whipped Wen Chao for the attempt.

She’s claimed to want him gone for years, ever since Jiang Fengmian first brought him home, and now?

She lets Zidian fly, but it is no use. This boy has already killed Wei Wuxian.

*

When Jiang Fengmian comes to speak to her alone, she expects him to be angry. To accuse her of causing Wei Wuxian’s death. Instead, he wordlessly holds out a jade hairpin. Hers, the one that had been broken. The break has been beautifully filled in with gold.

“What is this for?”

“I wanted to ask you, if we could try again,” he says. “It always seemed that you despised me, but I do still care for you. I wanted to ask for another chance.”

“Wanted?” she asks. “You no longer care to ask?”

“This one is a failure who would not ask, anymore. I have failed my people, and my family. Our home is overrun, and I have nothing. I am a sect leader in name only. I no longer have the right to ask.” He doesn’t meet her eyes.

“Then why give it to me at all?” YZY asks. What sort of cruel gift is this?

“That pin cost us our home. I should at least return it to you.”

Another lie. It wasn’t the pin, but their choices that led to all of this.

Yu Ziyuan pulls her current hairpin out of her hair, lets her long tresses cascade down her back. And because Yu Ziyuan is not a coward, she asks, “Won’t you help me put this in, husband?”

He stares.

“What matters is you, not the state of you,” she says softly.

“The song of Xie Lian,” he says. She looks up in surprise. She hadn’t known that he would recognize the line. She’s a little embarrassed, since it was such a sappy love story, kind of. But she holds out the pin, and JFM takes it from her, carefully gathers her hair up, replaces her hair ornament, and slides the pin in.

When he steps back she takes his hand and says what she had thought would be her defence if he accused her. Now it is a confession. “I am sorry,” she says. “I was going to tie them both up with Zidian and send them away. He must have realized what I intended while I was speaking to A-Cheng.” JFM stiffens, as she speaks, but does not interrupt. She finishes with the truth, “I would have saved him, if I had realized.”

“Yu Ziyuan…” he says, voice weary. She thinks he means, ‘Why are you saying this, it hurts.’ Or even, ‘Don’t talk about my precious son.’ But she meets his eyes and waits for the rest. It would be best to hear it in his own words.

“I never doubted that you would have saved him, if you could,” he says.

Oh. So he knew.

“So reckless,” she whispers into the space between them. “Like he has a death wish.” They’re familiar words. Things she’s yelled at Wei Wuxian loud enough to clear the courtyard of servants and disciples.

She hadn’t ever wanted it to be true.

Jiang Fengmian doesn’t answer, he gasps, and she closes the space between them, pulling him into an embrace, tugging his head down to rest atop her shoulder as he finally falls apart.

There is no consolation, the boy JFM had loved as his own is lost… and she can only hold him, and wish that that silly boy could produce just one more miracle and survive.